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US to Treat Ransomware Like Terrorism
A senior official at the United States Department of Justice (DOJ) has said that ransomware attacks in America are to be investigated with a similar urgency as incidences of terrorism.
The official told news agency Reuters that cyber-assaults using this particular type of malware are to be prioritized more highly now following a passel of ransomware attacks against entities in the US and elsewhere.
Ransomware victims in recent weeks have included the Colonial Pipeline, meat supplier JBS, the Steamship Authority of Massachusetts, and Fujifilm.
Reuters reports that internal DOJ guidance on ransomware was received by US attorney's offices across the country on Thursday. Recipients were told that information regarding ransomware investigations in the field must be shared with a recently created task force based in Washington.
"It's a specialized process to ensure we track all ransomware cases regardless of where it may be referred in this country, so you can make the connections between actors and work your way up to disrupt the whole chain," said principal associate deputy attorney general at the Justice Department, John Carlin.
The Colonial attack is cited in the guidance as a prime example of the "growing threat that ransomware and digital extortion pose to the nation."
It reportedly reads: "To ensure we can make necessary connections across national and global cases and investigations, and to allow us to develop a comprehensive picture of the national and economic security threats we face, we must enhance and centralize our internal tracking."
The specialized process described by Carlin is typically used in cases of national security. Central notification will now be compulsory for investigations into counter anti-virus services, illicit online forums or marketplaces, cryptocurrency exchanges, bulletproof hosting services, botnets and online money laundering services.
"We've used this model around terrorism before but never with ransomware," said Carlin.
He added: "We really want to make sure prosecutors and criminal investigators report and are tracking … cryptocurrency exchanges, illicit online forums or marketplaces where people are selling hacking tools, network access credentials – going after the botnets that serve multiple purposes."
FBI director Christopher Wray said that the agency is investigating around 100 kinds of ransomware, many of which are linked to criminal operators in Russia.


Atlas Genius will kick off its first-ever North American headline tour this Thursday, April 25th, with a sold-out show at Emo's East in Austin, TX. The run includes sold-out nights in Houston, Santa Barbara, Denver, Minneapolis, Cambridge and New York City, where the Australian band will play The Bowery Ballroom on June 18 and 19. The band will play London, UK for the first time on May 7, as well. Supporting acts will include The Neighbourhood, The Postelles, The Colourist, Pacific Air and Haerts. Atlas Genius, who recently wrapped up a sold-out tour with Imagine Dragons, will also perform at numerous festivals, including the Sasquatch! Festival, Lollapalooza, the Firefly Music Festival, Summerfest, Edgefest, San Francisco's BFD and San Diego's X-Fest. See below for tour itinerary.
As a "MTV Artist to Watch," Atlas Genius will be featured across all of MTV's platforms. The band will be putting on a special show from the Studio at Webster Hall on April 30 that will be streamed live on MTV.com. Atlas Genius will then perform it's current single, "If So," on "Late Show with David Letterman" on May 2.
"Centred on You," Atlas Genius' new video, can be viewed now at Refinery 29 here. It was directed by Anders Rostad (http://andersrostad.com/). "Trojans," the first single from the band's full-length debut, When It Was Now (Warner Bros. Records), is a Top 5 Modern Rock/Top 10 Triple A radio hit. It has already sold over 250,000 tracks in the U.S. and has spent 49 weeks on Billboard's Alternative Songs chart. "Trojans" has been heard on such shows as "Grey's Anatomy," "Deception," "Whitney," "Being Human" and "90210." The band's new single, "If So," praised by Rolling Stone for its "dream-like guitar licks, shifty hi-hats and a meaty bass backbone,"has been licensed by "90210" and the EA Sports FIFA video game.
Brothers Keith and Michael Jeffery wrote, recorded and produced When It Was Now at a studio they built in their hometown of Adelaide, Australia. "Bouncy, jangly tracks like 'Through the Glass' and the single 'Trojans'...[are] pretty damn irresistible," said People. Seventeen placed them on its list of "17 Bands Everyone Should Be Talking About." Neon Gold said that When It Was Now "promises to be one of the year's most impressive debuts," NYLON tipped Atlas Genius as one of the top five bands to watch out for in 2013 and Entertainment Weekly named them as one of "15 New Stars We Love."


From the pages of RUNAWAYS! Once they were the teen heroes known as Darkhawk, Turbo, Ricochet, Green Goblin and Lightspeed. Now they're five young adults trying to stay out of spandex. But is walking away from the buzz of danger and intrigue easier said than done? And is a self-help group enough to keep these former crime-fighters out of action? Pull up a chair and join the circle as writer C.B. Cebulski (X-MEN FAIRY TALES), artist Karl Moline (ROGUE, Route 666) and cover artist Jason Pearson (Bodybags) ask the question: How do you kick an addiction to masks and tights?


"Meet My Followers" is a daily podcast where I, @KadeDworkin, interview one of my followers so that you can get to know them better. Sometimes the interviews are funny, some are insightful, others are just meant to embarrass me ever so slightly. Overall though, these are real people who really are following me on Twitter. These aren't CEOs or PR people (nothing against folks in either group). These are members of the communities I happen to be a part of.
Having now used online social platforms for 5 years to develop relationships I've been privy to a lot of interesting stories and I've even been a critical part in a few of them. Now it's time for those stories and more importantly the people who have lived them to have a platform to tell them to even more people.
It's really simple if you'd like to get on the show: follow me on Twitter and respond when I ask for more guests. It should happen a little over a week before the month ends.
If you'd like to sponsor a month's worth of episodes feel free to email me at kade@meetmyfollowers.com and I'll send along some data and an ad rate to you and your team.
Thanks so much for taking an interest in the show. I hope you come back to the site to comment and subscribe to the iTunes feed.


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Read Next:	Ken Tales Gone Wild: David Wild Dishes on 20 Years With Grammy Legend Ken Ehrlich
December 17, 2018 3:29PM PT
TV News Roundup: 'American Dad' Sets Season 16 Premiere Date
By Nate Nickolai
Nate Nickolai
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'Star Wars: Rise of the Skywalker' Final Trailer Brings Back Luke, Leia and Palpatine
CREDIT: Courtesy of TBS
In today's TV news roundup, TBS announced the premiere date for season 16 of "American Dad!," and YouTube released a trailer for season two of "Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television."
"American Dad!" is returning for its sixteenth season Feb. 11 at 10 p.m. ET/ PT on TBS. This season, show creator Seth McFarlane will return as the show's central character Stan Smith, a CIA agent and loyal husband to his wife Francine (Wendy Schaal). Also returning are Stan's two children, Hayley (Rachael MacFarlane) and her geeky brother Steve (Scott Grimes), as well as the family's resident alien Roger (also voiced by Seth MacFarlane). The series first appeared on Fox in 2005 before moving to TBS in 2014. Watch a teaser for the new season below.
Jimmy Fallon will travel to Puerto Rico for a special Jan. 15 telecast of "The Tonight Show" highlighting Lin-Manuel Miranda's special production of "Hamilton" on his family's native island to raise money for hurricane relief efforts. MIranda and the "Hamilton" cast will perform a special number for the episode. Miranda is offering performances of his smash hit musical at the University of Puerto Rico from Jan. 8-27 as a fundraiser for music and arts programs as the island rebuilds after the devastation of Hurricane Maria in September 2017.
Mackenzie Marsh is joining CW's "Charmed" reboot in a guest starring role, Variety has learned exclusively. Appearing in episode 12, Marsh will play Knansie, an attractive necromancer who works at a supermarket in Ferndale. Marsh's previous work includes a lead role in "Just Before I Go" directed by Courteney Cox and guest roles in "Will & Grace," "Jane The Virgin" and "American Housewife." Marsh is represented by Pakula King & Associates and Kerner Management Associates.
YouTube released a trailer for season two of its original comedy "Ryan Hansen Solves Crimes on Television." This season, Ryan Hansen returns alongside a new partner, Vince Vincente, played by Wood Harris after his season one partner Jessica Mathers (Samira Wiley) gets sidelined. Hansen will also be joined by a host of new guest stars including Jillian Bell, Rob Corddry, Jon Cryer, Rhys Darby, Donald Faison, Lucy Hale, Thomas Lennon, Jane Lynch, Ken Marino, Tim Matheson and Joel McHale. All eight episodes will be available to stream on YouTube Premium Jan. 30. Watch the full trailer below.
Netflix released a new trailer for its upcoming docu-series "7 Days Out," set to premiere Dec. 21. Directed by Andrew Rossi, "7 Days Out" follows the seven days leading up to the most significant historical and cultural events in the worlds. Topics include Karl Lagerfeld's latest Chanel Haute Couture collection, NASA's groundbreaking Cassini mission, the Westminster Dog Show, Eleven Madison Park, the Kentucky Derby, and League of Legends. Andrew Fried, Dane Lillegard and Joe Zee are executive producing. Watch the full trailer below.
Shout! Studios, Ace Film HK Company and Friendship Films have announced a new partnership to produce a multi-part docu-series about the life and works of filmmakers Roger and Julie Corman. Created, written and co-produced by Ashley and Robert Sidaway, "Corman's Hollywood" will explore the lengthy career of the film-making duo over thirteen episodes by taking a look at inside backstories and some of the pair's most popular films. Shout! Studios will distribute the series in North America, and Red Sea Media, Inc. will manage international sales, excluding China where Ace Film will handle distribution.
ryan hansen solves crimes on television

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


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The risk of fraudulent activity within a company is nothing new. According to the Journal of Accountancy, losses from fraud can total approximately 5 percent of annual revenues for a typical company. Over the years, Sarbanes-Oxley (SOX) and the Dodd-Frank Act have encouraged employers to address fraud through the development of a company-wide whistleblowing program. The Association of Certified Fraud Examiners recently reported that most cases of internal fraud were discovered in 2014 through employee tips, ranging from 34 to 45 percent of instances, based on the size of the company.
Payment fraud continues to be a growing threat. This type of fraud occurs when unauthorized transactions are made through identity theft, forgery, counterfeiting or other criminal activity.


The Ralph Grimshaw Scholarship is awarded annually by the Ohio Sheep Improvement Association. The scholarship is given in honor of Ralph H. Grimshaw. Mr. Grimshaw, a leader, an educator, and a friend of the sheep industry truly believed in the education of our youth of our industry.


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Fun and game: wild food at Native, Covent Garden
Emily Gibson / Dates, Eat, Impulse Friendly, Indoors, ££ / British, central London, covent garden, dates, dining, dining out, dinner, eating out, going out, London, nose-to-tail, restaurant review, restaurant reviews, restaurants, review, reviews, Vegetarian, west end /	1 Comment
Native is my absolute new favourite restaurant, and it's just around the corner from my new office. I'm very smug about this.
I managed to bag a spot in the February soft launch (the same day as Jay Rayner, in fact, before he gave it a glowing review in The Observer), but got so drunk with Jay – a different one – that I couldn't remember the food in any useful detail, except that it was bloody good.
Round two then, this time with only one bottle of prosecco between two and with my friend Hannah, who is exactly the kind of person Native needs to appreciate its genius, i.e game for game. Because Native is all about 'wild' food, which is marketing-speak for locally-sourced, seasonal ingredients. Nose-to-tail, field-to-face, that sort of thing. Of course that's nothing new, there are plenty of restaurants out there at the moment with 'foraged' menus, but what makes it different is the price. Two courses cost about £20 a head, and a bottle of highly drinkable prosecco can be had for a very reasonable £24. (This is where I went wrong the first time…) In Covent Garden, that's a steal.
The best seat in the house is at the chef's table, a narrow counter that makes up one side of the kitchen staff's diminutive domain. Not recommended for more than two people, or anyone who likes to slobber on their date's neck between courses or impart state secrets over supper, but a great spot to watch the chefs do their thing and, of course, perv on other people's dinners before you choose your own.
Best seat in the house.
Easier said than done. Despite only a handful of options for each course, you'll be spoilt for choice. We mulled over our options with a generous portion of warm garlic and rosemary focaccia (£3.00), fresh from the oven and, rather cruelly, left to cool at my elbow. (This, of course, is the downside of the chef's table.)
There are only four options each for starters and mains, and the food isn't really designed for sharing. This a menu for decisive types, clearly, not FOMO-stricken ninnies who've been coddled witless by the recent fashion for small plates. Hannah and I, being ninnies, decide to split everything.
First to the party was the Rabbit Dumplings with Smoked Bacon Dashi and Pickled Walnut (£8.50), a sublime little pyramid of meatballs, piled up like Ferrero Roche and steeped in warm, meaty broth.
Braised Carrots with Pangratatto and Hayonnaise (£5.50) – that's mayonnaise infused with hay, not a typo – did not live up to the pomp of its name, despite looking like some sort of woodland diorama, adorned with 'edible' flowers (i.e. eating them will not kill you). Pangratatto, by the way, is not some sort of delicious cured meat or Italian cheese, but fancy breadcrumbs. Now you know.
The carrots should really have been a glorious side dish, not a starter, like its less attractive but much jollier cousin, Roast Parsnips with Lincolnshire Poacher (£3.50). A large plate of fat parsnip chunks, swollen with honey and sprinkled liberally with good cheese, as though the chef had fond memories of the cheesy chip van of his youth and set about to recreating its wares it in their perfect form.
Pan Fried Hake (£14.00) was chosen for its golden platefellows, Split Pea Dahl and Cauliflower Leaf Pakora, the latter of which absolutely deserves a spotlight of its own. A bit like Zayn from One Direction, I have no doubt it could strike out on its own as a successful side dish or, fuck it, with its own dedicated street food truck. It could putter around London leaving delighted, oily-fingered foodies in its wake, and hipster types could hire it out to line the bellies of drunk people at their weddings. (The fish is very nice too, but, damn. That pakora though.)
The real dish to write home about was the Fallow Deer Loin Steak (£16.50). I don't know what a fallow deer is and I don't care; venison is the thing Native does best (Jay and I devoured everything that even had a whiff of Bambi's mum about it, the first time round, so I speak from experience).
This one came on a creamy cloud of pureed cauliflower – I am all about those, er, foraged cauliflowers at the moment – and accompanied by crispy onions as satisfyingly crunchy and salty as crackling.
The dessert menu could use a bit of work. I am 100% sure that if I tried it, Prune Loaf with Lancashire Cheese and Stilton would be absolutely delicious, but at £7.00 I don't think I can be bothered to find out. In any case, Hannah isn't interested unless there's chocolate involved, so we finished the meal with a couple of Caramelised Honey Truffles (£1.00), which were perfect little bites of grown-up Crunchie and did just the job.
Native may only have been open for a couple of months, but its co-founder Imogen has already garnered more locals than an East End pub landlady. Half the people who came in were clearly repeat business, and the other guy at the Chef's Counter apparently comes in twice a week. I can see where they're coming from; I myself am making plans to bring my parents, Mike, and every last one of my clients once my new employer lets me loose with a company credit card. See you soon, Native.
Native, 3 Neal's Yard, London, WC2H 9DP
Author: Emily Gibson
Emily is an urban adventurer, blogger and glutton foodie on an epic quest to uncover the best things to eat, drink and do in London. She lives in East London and loves ceviche, cycling and magic shows. Lifelong nemeses include beetroot, beards and wine served in tumblers.
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carlajuniper
15th April 2016 @ 7:49 am
Steeped in warm meaty broth.


Character created by Todd McLiefeld Lee.
Aaaah, the 90's. The much-revered 'brown age' of comics.
Shatterstar, Cable and Deadpool's colours… and POCKETS POCKETS POCKETS F*CK YEAH!!!
Ah, the 90's, the dark age of comics and the golden age of Rob Liefeld.
Dear Cthulhu, that's exactly what those '90s creations looked like too. It's like Poe's law applied to character design.
I could never tell most of those '90s "heroes" apart 'cause they were all just completely uncoordinated mishmashes of random "cool" details. Like the product of some weird visual Mad Libs game.
In the '90s every two bit comic tried to copy Frank Miller's Batman and have "cool" anti-heroes. This is an unholy amalgamation of many of those characters, like a superhero Mr Potatohead.
I love that his feet are hidden behind the text box.
Also all the team names on the theme of "blood", because that was edgy and cool in the 90s.
I laughed so hard! Everything is just right, although he's not QUITE exaggeratedly muscular enough. Liefeld just cannot be mocked enough. Everything from the pouches to the more-weapons-than-can-be-used (the feet hidden behind the text box was a nice touch) is spot on. The only thing that would make it better (or at least more accurate) would be if the sword handle and the blade bore no physical relationship to each other. But then it's hard to do it so wrong as came naturally to that man.
@jennibrock: I didn't notice that until you mentioned it! Very subtle reference there.
Now I'm so temped to make something like this in City of Heroes and/or Champions Online.
He has a small gun but he's um… trying to ah… upgrade. Needs a weapon enhancement.
On the matter of the gun… looks like it's a form of Machine Gun (as in, an actual MG, not an Assault Rifle that the uninformed call such, or even an LMG)… so it's still a bit ridiculous (especially to wield un-mounted, let alone one-handed), but yeah, it is somewhat reasonable by such standards.
It's also at such a perfect angle that it could really be anything; absolutely no part of the sides of the weapon are visible, which could reveal some drastic flaw in weapon mechanic understanding by the artist. I think that's the point, too. Further joke fuel for the fire, like the comment about the sword handle possibly having no relation to the blade.
Also interesting to note people are commenting more on the Liefeld part of the name- I actually am curious about the Todd, Mc, and Lee parts and who they're meant to implicate. A rush googling implies they might refer to Todd McFarlane and Jim Lee..? Both of whom appear to have been active in the 90s?
That truly was a terrible time for comics.
you really should have zoomed in and shown his 500 teeth.
Captain 95! Man the 90s comics of liefeld and the clones are priceless.
Everyone had a gun/tons of pouches/a cybernetic arm like cable/whiteout eyes/ full body shots with objects blocking their feet due to artist having trouble drawing them….
Fun times lol. This give me an idea for a character in a superhero mmo game or even on freedom force.
You should make captain 95 a regular in this strip.
It's perfect that we can't see his feet.
All he needs are a trenchcoat and some 5 O'Clock shadow and he'd be PERFECT!!
Headgear that looks like a wrestler's helmet.
Gun positioned in such a way (relative to his arm) that the grip must be in the middle of the gun, rather than the back.
Don't forget the heads that were smaller then the biceps. The artist who did "Man of Steel" for the first 25.issues, or so, wasn't much better, except he never shrunk the heads. His version of Lobo is still my favorite, even so. When he moved to do the outlines for Lobo's comic, I was in Bastich heven.
Oh, right. Cyberarm. Needs several pistols though.


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The sequence of deposits that have been found in Kents Cavern in Torquay are now known to cover a half-million year history, making it one of the most important cave sites in the world.
In this very readable and well illustrated 48-page Field Guide, Joyce Lundberg and Donald McFarlane show how the cave first formed and the climatic and geological changes that have determined each stage in its subsequent development. They describe the excavations that revealed its secrets to William Pengelly in the 19th century and to others who have built on his work.
The Guide then takes you on a tour of the cave, describing the evidence on which our understanding is built. They provide clear and authoratitive information, backed by clear diagrams and photographs that reveal how the complex story of Kents Cavern has been unravelled.


Without a doubt, the edition of the Records will be remembered as the Ticino Cup 2018 Category 13 years, an event that took place last weekend.
Sunday 2 December at the Gym Gerra in Lugano; at the event organized by the Swiss Futsal Federation.
A total of 180 participants attended this important event.
The next appointment of the Swiss Futsal League is scheduled for Sunday, 16th December 16th at the Gym Gerra in Lugano (Switzerland) for the selections of the Swiss National Team Category 13 years (born 2006/2007/2008); while the next tournament is scheduled for Sunday 27th January, for the C20 Cup.
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I've got a few of my own things to whine about but the first thing that struck me this morning was a news report that 35 kids who were being supervised by DFCS in Atlanta have died since December 2011. In other words... a dozen kids a month murdered... parents or caregivers who were supposed to be supervised in their care of these kids... and the kids died.
And three kids who were killed at school this week. There is an expectation that when a kid climbs on the bus in the morning that he'll be getting back off that same bus (or a reasonable facsimile) that afternoon. It's incomprehensible to me that some random kid who is dealing with some mental illness or misplaced rage can get their hands on a weapon, take that weapon into the school and shoot other kids.
In my mind... childhood should be protected... the world is a tough place and people can be mean... but childhood should be the time that you feel most loved and sheltered and unaware of heartache and pain. All life is precious but children, in my mind, have a right to be safe. Life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness and a safe childhood. Is that too much to ask?
Austin's high school with a tractor out front... made us both crack up!
This is all so much more poignant to me on this very last day that I will ever in my life be the parent to a person who can be classified as a minor... tomorrow all of my babies will legally be adults. By the Grace of God... I never had to bury a child... I never had to pick someone up from jail... God knows they've all done things from time to time that COULD have landed them in jail... but they've been lucky. Or smart. Or both.
I now get to enter that phase of life where I smile and nod sympathetically to mothers of young children... where I can admonish them that these years will pass faster than you ever could imagine. You lose sight of that in the endless piles of laundry... the countless hours spent at the little league field... the feeling that you are no more than an ATM... THEY REALLY DO GROW UP EVENTUALLY. The road is long and the rewards sometimes far apart... but it is so worth it.
It was so hard. It was harder than I have the words to express. And even though I don't see my boys as often as I would like... I am so very proud of who they grew up to be. They are my three greatest accomplishments in this life... and forever, I will know, that the world is a different place because of the time I spent... from November 14, 1986 thru February 29, 2012... raising children.
Whiny Wednesday? I could complain about the broken underwire in my bra and the humidity that has my hair looking like Weird Al Yankovich and Roseanne Rosanna Danna had a child together...or the headache that won't go away... lots of selfish, inconsequential things. Instead... today... I want to just enjoy this last day of being a mommy. Hold them tight... they grow too fast.
Battling a miserable headache this morning... yesterday... I guess all weekend. Therefore I am less than my normally articulate self. Subsequently, any recap of my weekend would be miserably boring. However, I will attempt, nonetheless.
Yesterday morning I went to the gas station and filled up my car. The price at the Cleveland Ingles was $3.59 per gallon. My total was about $28. I have a small tank.
I then went to the grocery store and picked up enough groceries to get us through a few days. More than a few days. I'm trying to build a decent pantry and freezer full - not in that *coupon crazy* doomsday sort of mentality but just so that if I'm not up to going to the store, we don't end up eating ramen noodles. Not that there's anything wrong with ramen noodles or that we're above eating ramen noodles. It's just that ramen noodles are low on nutrition and high on sodium. I can't remember how much I spent at the grocery store but I can tell you that I stocked up on freezer items, ready to eat food (ugh. high sodium) and juice - because i was thirsty. I also stocked up on condiments because for some reason... condiments seem to get sucked into that great hoarding vortex of Austin's room. Every time I go on a recon mission in his room there is inevitably a half used bottle of ketchup and a jar of peanut butter among his diverse biological experiments.
After the grocery store I went to McDonalds and picked up Austin's 2 bacon, egg and cheese McGriddles, picked myself up an egg mcmuffin (because the last time I got oatmeal at that McDonalds they didn't mix it properly and it was stone cold) and a large sweet tea - for Austin. Not for me. I was drinking my usual grocery store treat of carrot/fruit juice blend that they sell in the produce section.
Next up... (still with me?) ... to Rite Aid to pick up my antibiotic for my bronchitis and the diuretic that the doctor thinks will help lower my blood pressure. I also had two refills waiting that I forgot were waiting. Not that I have skipped any medications... I just stocked up at the end of the year and therefore have a little surplus. I'm totally sounding like someone who lived through the depression with my surplussing. If that's a word.
THEN... to the library to return the books that were supposed to go back last week.
and... home before 9:30am, back into my pjs... groceries put away... spent my day surfing the net and watching tv. oh... and battling the effects of the diuretic and antibiotic. I'll spare you the details... just suffice to say that yesterday I was worthless and loving it.
And here I am again today... right at 9:30am... and once again... up before the sun... stupidly high blood pressure for having spent the day chillin' yesterday... insanely painful headache... sick from the antibiotic... battling random nose bleeds... miserable nausea... and thanking God with all my heart that I don't have to leave my house for the next 22 hours.
We were completely out of cat food so I had to drag the disgruntled teen out of bed to go with me to the dollar store where we buy our cat food - $8.50 for a 13 pound bag which will last us a month, give or take a few days. It's a shame you can't feed a teenager as cheaply as you can feed two cats. I also let Austin buy a new set of headphones and a big jar of cheesy poofs as a reward for tagging along so early in the day.
We drove through Glenda's and ordered two CHICKEN plates with scrambled eggs, grits, gravy and biscuits for breakfast... Austin noted that I never sounded more country than I did when ordering at Glenda's... I guess it's like ordering in Spanish at a Mexican Restaurant... I speak country at Glenda's... which apparently, I'm not that good at because we came home with two BACON plates instead of CHICKEN plates. And since my blood pressure is already high, I didn't dare eat bacon, so Austin had about a dozen slices of bacon with his breakfast.
On a more serious note... Jim and I grew up with several sibling duos, you know, younger sibling in my classes, older sibling in his... apparently the two year spacing for children was popular in the sixties... well, yesterday Alisa, (who is my age) lost her sister Heather (who is Jim's age) after a decades long battle with lupus. I've never lost a sibling... but I know how important my older sibling is in my life and I know that even though Heather suffered quite a bit, I know that her family is grieving her loss. 45 is much too young... Please keep Alisa and her family in your prayers.
Also, a little bittersweet Daytona race today... Austin and I couldn't help but think of my ex-brother-in-law Tim who passed last May... he loved Nascar. He would be firing up the grill and blasting the surround sound until it shook the walls... Austin said we should get a six pack and drink in his honor... but of course, since I don't drink and Austin is too young to drink... we're just remembering him with love today.
Friday just feels different from the other days of the week to me. I woke up at 3am because of a kitty kissing me... convinced him that we wanted more sleep... woke up again at 4:30 and realized my body couldn't stay in that horizontal position any longer so we got up. On Mondays there are heavy leg irons clamped on me... I drag my weary body to the kitchen on Tuesday... on Wednesday I'm bent and broken.... on Thursday it seems like it will never end... and on Friday... the cartoon bluebirds circle around me... I skip, float, glide into the kitchen while the Disney music plays in the background.
She referenced the first verse... and not long after I got here I put the whole passage in context... and a week or so ago I wrote it on a sticky note and put it on my desk for reassurance...and today, on www.biblegateway.com ... where I go every morning to get a verse to focus on in the early morning hours before I start my blog entry... that was the passage for today. Out of all the verses in the bible.... reported to be 7959 verses (I didn't count for myself)... those verses are continually being brought to my attention.
Coincidence? Maybe. I don't think so. For me, again, to be in a season where it's difficult to comprehend the NEXT season of life. One way or another, there will come a time when I am no longer able to work. The future is blurry, the path is unclear. Even if I get approved for disability on my first attempt... which never happens... I'm going to spend a period of time waiting, likely with little or no financial resources... I don't know what happens while I'm waiting. I just know that He knows and that eases my fear.
In Jacksonville... when I felt like there was no way for me to have hope and a future... that's when I gave up. I'm determined to not give up, regardless of what happens... how it happens... when it happens. Yet, I will tell you that I am also determined to keep my focus on my Jesus who brings me peace me when I am afraid. I am determined to seek God with all of my heart so that I can know His plans for me and have no fear. My two rings on my "wedding ring finger" are a tiny little ring that says, "hope" and a bigger, more sturdy ring that says, "faith"... a little hope and a lot of faith... that's what will carry me through.
And of course... the way that God blesses.... Austin's mentor from his Catalyst class took him out to dinner at the new Western Sizzlin in town last night. Austin was excited and I was relieved that I didn't have to cook microwave dinner for him. I had two basil rolls from the Thai restaurant that I saved from lunch so we were all set and I had a very peaceful evening. (Love Austin but he's still fairly high maintenance when it comes to my attention).
I went to the doctor yesterday for a re-check on my blood pressure. The doctor was concerned and added a second medication and we'll look at my blood pressure for the next two weeks and then re-evaluate. He wants to keep close tabs on it and do fasting blood work when I come back. I also found that my shortness of breath and wheezing that I've been feeling occasionally over the last two weeks is bronchitis. I haven't had much of a cough so I just thought it was related to the high blood pressure and/or stress and anxiety. They want to recheck that in two weeks since for me, it never clears up in one round of antibiotics and more often goes into pneumonia. He's hitting it with a z-pack first... and then go to something stronger if it isn't cleared up.
Our tax return came in yesterday so I went ahead and paid as many of the bills that come due in March as I could. My goal is to NOT be in a situation where we're living paycheck to paycheck. I am determined to build us a small cushion. I'd love to be able to know that our bills are paid through the time of Austin's graduation. That's my finish line... if I can get us through to that point... if I can just keep working until his graduation... I can't let anything happen that makes him have to change schools again because he's so close. So close. When we moved here I promised him we wouldn't move until he graduates and I want so desperately to hold to that promise.
Well.... I've boo-hoo'ed through most of this blog entry. Sometimes putting my fears into words is cleansing and it's a big part of the reason I blog... and tears seem to be the inevitable result of seeing those fears in black and white.
I know these things to be true: God is good. He already knows my future and although it's all a great mystery to me, He has already gone ahead and made a way for me. He always. makes. a. way. He will for you too. Love and hugs, y'all!
After yesterday's post about Lent and my determination to use it not to specifically give something up... but instead to use it as an opportunity to adapt more of Jesus' character into my own character... a lively discussion ensued on my facebook about the meaning of Lent, self-sacrifice, etc. spearheaded by my Uncle Bill. I love when something I've blogged about encourages others to share their opinions and perspective! Ever since my brother and I used to go to Rocky Horror on the weekends... 25 years ago... I have loved audience participation. It validates for me that there are real people actually reading my blog.
So, I'm thankful for that today... learning from others.... seeing different perspectives... what a joy!
I have a doctors appointment this morning to figure out what to do about my high blood pressure. I'm thankful to finally be able to see a doctor since I've been trying to get in for almost a month now. I'm considering changing to a different doctor's office. The two lady doctors in the practice that I had been seeing have left and it's just men doctors and ... I'm ok with seeing a man but with as much stuff as I have going on, I need someone who brings a little compassion and empathy to the "table". I'll see how it goes today. Also... this elevated blood pressure situation has been going on for a year and everyone keeps passing it off as being related to pain or one particular medication or another but nobody wants to take any action to lower it. Three months ago I saw the doctor for... strep throat, I think it was... and my blood pressure was up. I expressed my concern about continually high readings and they wanted me to wait until THIS check up to see if it got better. SO today... I've going in with a determination that they will either do something to FIX it... or I'll find a different doctor.
I'm weary. My pain has been off the charts and my blood pressure being elevated makes me feel dizzy, short of breath, tired, disoriented... and in the midst of all that there's added pressure on me to perform at work and I'm trying... I've worked harder over the past two weeks than I have in a long time and I'm still not getting the results I need to succeed at work. I trust God. I believe that whatever is going to happen is in His hands and I know that sometimes we fail at something because God is leading us to something else. I'm not giving up... I'm making sure that I do the best I possibly can. My efforts are never in vain... when we struggle, even if we don't receive the desired results, we still develop our character and learn just how far we can stretch ourselves.
In the midst of my own self-pity... I see these news reports of people who are truly suffering in a way that, by the grace of God, I doubt I ever will. The Christian man in Iran who is facing death for being a Christian. The people in Syria who are being killed by their own government. My brother is going to Haiti next week... where, two years after the earthquake, many are living in tents and battling disease and hunger. There are so many people in this country who are unemployed and have no immediate hope of finding a job. There are people who are facing losing their home. There are children who are being abused. People in abusive relationships that don't see a way out. People battling addiction and losing the fight. There is pain everywhere, some of it is like mine... physical... and some of it is emotional.
Today... I'm working on learning more about Jesus as our healer. Jehovah Raphe - the Lord our healer. I studied a bit in Matthew and Mark yesterday, absorbing some of the verses that describe Christ as healer. I tried to find something definitive that told how many people Jesus healed in the course of His ministry here on earth and I found no concrete answer. I guess we don't really know... but the fact is that He healed enough people that people followed him with the expectation of being healed.
There was an echo in my heart on that last phrase, "people followed Him with the expectation of being healed"... we still do that, don't we?
Modern medicine, despite all of it's advancements, isn't a 100% guarantee of healing. People still die.
Jesus' ability to heal and the willingness to heal didn't mean that every person He came into contact with continued in their mortal bodies forever. They still died.
There are times that people pray for healing and it doesn't come. It hasn't come for me.
Does that mean that I changed my belief that He can heal? No.
Does that mean that I am *less than* because He hasn't healed me? No.
I don't have all the answers. I don't know why some precious lives end far before "their time"... I don't know why some are healed and some aren't. In my life, I can say that pain has drawn me closer to Jesus. Dependence on Him for strength to get through the work day has taught me more about Him than I would have learned by never having struggled with my own mortality.
Just like with every other circumstantial crisis in my life... I wouldn't trade the struggle for what it taught me and what it brought me.
Divorce. Single parenting. Poverty. Fire. Health struggles. All of it draws me closer to Him. If I never had a problem, I'd never know that God could solve them.
I want to be healed but not if it keeps me from knowing Him better or accomplishing His Will and Purpose in my life.
I don't want to be a Crisis Christian or a Suffering Saint. But I do want to be able to answer those who are living with pain and say, "I know what you're going through" and it be sincere. I know that my life has given me a unique perspective for encouraging others. I want to be able to share the hope that comes from faith in God.
See... my healing... it might not happen here... but I am persuaded that in my life after my death... that I will be free of pain... and I want to convince others of this same hope. I'm thankful that He can heal. And I'm thankful that sometimes He doesn't.
I have a very deep blog entry lurking in my head but first I want to tell you that I have a massive zit coming up on the right side of my nose and it feels like it's taking over my whole face.
I also want to mention that the new Dairy Queen has opened in town which means that we no longer have to do what Austin and I refer to as "the walk of shame"... We had a walk up DQ... so you had to park, walk to the DQ and stand there on the main drag through town, ten feet away from the road, waiting to get your high calorie treat. Our plan today is to drive thru and get the biggest, most unhealthy, ooeyist, gooeyist DQ treat in the privacy of our car.
AND we now have a Western Sizzlin' that has opened up right near us. Matter of fact... it's in between Cleveland and Helen, just like we are... so if you don't count Wendells (which we never go to because Janie, who lives upstairs, works there and Austin and Janie have an extreme dislike for each other, even though I find her adorable and charming... but Austin is pretty weird about those things so we never eat at Wendells) If you don't count Wendall's, the Western Sizzlin' is the closest eating place to us, geographically. We went there yesterday at 4pm. Yes, the Senior Citizen time... I just knew I wouldn't want to wait and even then, at 4pm, even though it's off-season, the parking lot was almost full. I betcha, around 1pm today, after churches let out, that place is gonna be HOPPIN'!
Yes. Our little corner of the world is movin' right along. Still no Chickfila, despite two different false alarms that we were getting one. And I have to pay extra to get the Atlanta Sunday paper. But it's still the best place I've ever lived and I pray that the Lord will never move me from this place. Not this apartment, necessarily... but this town.
At any rate. What I really wanted to blog about today was Whitney Houston's funeral. I was pretty negative about her on my RTLM Blog this week... calling her a "Hot Mess". It takes one to know one, I have to admit. I watched the funeral yesterday, almost the entire four hours... not because I am or ever was a huge Whitney fan. I've never been big into popular music... Country, Contemporary Christian and Showtunes are my preferences (not in that order). I watched it because it was the most uplifting and encouraging event that has happened in my life in a very long time.
I struggle. Y'all know that. I whine every day and God bless y'all... you keep coming here anyways, maybe skipping over the whiny parts to get to the heart of what I say and either way, I thank you. There are a lot of struggles that I'm not really at liberty to discuss. My goal is to tell my story without embarrassing anyone else or putting my job in jeopardy or hurting friends or family. I don't always maintain those boundaries as well as I should but the truth is... there are some deep, dark caverns in my life at times that I can't even begin to blog about.
So when Tyler Perry in his remarks at Whitney's Home Going service talked about having the opportunity to sit down with Whitney while she shared her story with him... and every time she would talk about her own deep, dark caverns she would say, "but Jesus..." and "oh, but my Lord..." and she ... in her times of desperation and depravity STILL felt the love of God... I felt like Tyler was talking about me. That's MY testimony! "She had a grace that carried her through"... he said and yes. I lifted my hands up in praise and shouted. I did. I had to. That grace that covered her... it's the same grace that covers me.
And over the course of those hours... as many people shared... I grew closer and closer to Whitney. I've never used drugs... never faced addiction... apart from the pharmaceuticals that keep the blood pressure down and the inflammation down in my back so that I can work and function and the muscle relaxers that keep my back from going into spasms and the xanax I had to use to stay numb from that tragic second marriage of mine and so forth. I haven't been through what she's been through but yet, really, I know where Whitney's been.
It was captured beautifully in song and scripture and speeches and I wouldn't want to leave anything out but there's no way I can make my experience, what those four hours did for me spiritually and emotionally... there's no way that I can articulate it in a way that it reaches you unless you have been there too. You know how I talk about how "our worst thing" is relative to your own experience... while my "worst thing" may be my back pain... there's someone out there, like Cissy Houston, who is burying her child. On the scale of suffering... she wins... but my worst thing is still... mine. I hope that makes sense.
Our spiritual journey is like that too. Even if you're atheist or agnostic or "Pasta-farian" ... wherever you stand with our Creator... you make a conscious decision every day about what He (or he) (or it) (or nothing) (whichever way you're going) means to you. You choose your path, you make your own way in your spiritual life. And I know that when I'm in those places that nobody else knows about... or knows how to reach me... or just doesn't care ... I know that My God is there. She did too.
And though you could look at the journey she took, through addiction and shame... and find her unworthy of the attention that was given to her yesterday.... it did my heart so much good to see that someone who had, at times, been so BAD could and did find redemption through Jesus. Because I could have the same accusers, for different reasons, to be certain... but all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. Whitney did. I do too.
A friend posted a nice little encouragement on her facebook page yesterday repeating what her pastor frequently says: Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
For I am convinced that neither poor job performance, nor poverty, neither chronic back pain nor high blood pressure, neither poor church attendance or that snarky, mean thing I said in my blog, nor the unpaid bills nor the sinfully high stack of laundry, nor my lack of discipline or any of the other things that I feel guilty about that I can't mention here for risk of embarrassing my family or myself... will be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus MY Lord.
Insert your name and your own demons and disappointments. I know - we think that our "worst thing" is so off the charts that there is no way we can "hang with the Holy Homies" - but I want to tell you that Heaven is gonna be crowded with people like Whitney and me and even King David who spent our entire time here on Earth messing up, falling short, disappointing people, disappointing ourselves, lacking whatever the world thinks we shoulda/coulda/woulda done. There's room at the cross for all of us.
I hope to see you there. Love and hugs, y'all.
Funniest cat moment EVER - my cat chased a red hot for ten minutes and kept trying to pick it up. Ha! No thumbs for you! He's just so sure he's human. I can see the frustration in his face when he can't do what I do.
Austin drove for the first time. Ever. There was a family looking to rent the apartment next to ours and they blocked the drive to our apartment so I had to park at the end of the building and I jokingly told Austin to move the car once those people had left. I take a potty break... look out... and he's trying to drive... our upstairs neighbor (and maintenance man) is in the passenger seat and the two neighborhood dogs are weaving back and forth in front of the car trying to see what is going on. Austin is lurching forward... wearing my brakes and my nerves... and I just tried to keep the dogs from running in front of the car and becoming a hood ornament. It was comical. It was only about fifty yards but he was quite proud of himself. We're getting his learners on his 18th birthday... two weeks from today. I've sort of stalled on him driving for a couple of reasons... one, I couldn't afford to add him to my insurance... two... he just hasn't been responsible enough. My mantra has been, "when I no longer have to remind you to take a shower, I'll know you're responsible enough to drive". We really aren't there yet.
Best How I Met Your Mother episode ever- the one where Barney and Robin try to TOUCH everything in the museum... well, then it gets out of hand and they're putting on clothes and ... it's just a really funny episode.
Sarah Palin was on The Five last night. It was great how star struck they all were. Even Bob Beckel - the liberal. Greg Gutfeld even blushed. I know none of y'all watch The Five but I'm tellin' ya... it's one of my favorite shows. This morning Eric Boling is on Fox and Friends... he's also on The Five. I love my Fox News folks.
I forgot to buy coffee. Again. I was able to scrape together enough yesterday for a decent pot. Today... I've got nothing. I'm going to be buying some nasty gas station coffee on my way to work. I guess that should be listed under, "things I've forgotten to do".
My blood pressure won't go down even though we've doubled my bp meds. I have only had one reading all week that was below 150/100. That actually didn't entertain me. Maybe I should change the title to "things that are remarkable". It's definitely affecting how I feel... and how I feel is affecting my blood pressure.
Payday today! Entertaining? Maybe not. Reason for an exclamation point? Yes!
I have one client/friend whose son is negotiating football/baseball scholarships... he's received two awesome awards here in the past few weeks... she's in that sweet spot of reaping the rewards for all those hours in a folding chair beside a ball field. I'm so happy for her and proud right along with her.
For me... with Austin... the fact that he's still alive, still getting up every day most days and going to school... the fact that he every now and then does a chore or performs an act of kindness, these moments for me are my football banquet/scholarship offer for him. I think any time your child performs beyond what you would have ever thought possible... it's rewarding to parents. If you had known Austin in preschool when he was biting all of his friends. If you had sat in on any of the dozens of parent/teacher conferences over the past 13 years where I kept being told that my kid couldn't/wouldn't succeed. We've come so far. You may see a kid in pajama pants and flipflops but I see a success.
I think - at least for me as a parent - whatever my kids do that makes them happy and isn't detrimental to society makes me happy. Seeing Ryan experience professional and personal success is my reward... Seeing Cody in a loving marriage is my reward...sometimes the pride I feel for these boys is overwhelming. And I think everybody needs somebody in their life who celebrates who they are... regardless of how it compares to anyone else. Everybody needs somebody to believe in them.
And I thought... yep. It's true. We love with the insane intensity of Jewish mothers without the guilt. OR rather, I should say, with passive aggressive guilt. "No honey... it's ok... you take the car... mommy doesn't mind walking to work..." Whether our kid is the Valedictorian... or a drop out. We love 'em.
Another thought yesterday that entertained me greatly: I'm a grace dependent creature living in a works based world. If you're not an evangelical Christian that might not make as much sense but... let me try... I'm a person who is never going to have the obvious reasons for celebration. I don't make enough money. I don't sell the most insurance. I didn't have kids who were overachievers (although my daughter in law is consistently on the Dean's List). I don't drive the best car. The things that most people see as validation... it's a foreign language to me. Hugging my client/friend as she sets off for her son's award banquet... being able to encourage someone who is struggling to pay a bill... getting a few words of affirmation from a friend ... being happy for my friends who are becoming grandmothers... that's where I LIVE! Those are the sweetest moments in life for me... the things that matter most to me aren't things.
If yesterday was "Half Price Chocolate Day"... today is "I Got Out Of Bed Day"... it's not just a matter of having a day of gratitude, my Thankful Thursday... it's a matter of celebrating life. My life. Broken and broke. Battered. Discouraged. Painful. And beautiful.
I'm too exhausted to make sense today. It's been a really painful week. I say that every week, don't I?
Sorry to be redundant. I'm having a redundant *season* of life right now.
Of course, Ecclesiastes tells us that there's nothing new under the sun. It was true back then... it's true now.
I'm not the first woman to drag my creaking, broken down, overweight frame through middle age.
My grandmother, bless her sweet soul, at my age had three little girls ages 7, 6 and 4.
You know I love the little girls in my life... but if I had to raise them... now?? All under one roof?
She's a stronger woman than me.
We all have our cross to bear, though, don't we?
Mine seems to be getting bigger all the time. The cross, I mean. Not me. Well. Both.
I start my days imploring God to give me the strength I need for that day... and I thank Him at the end.
I suppose I could start with thanking Him in advance for what He's going to do that day... am I less faithful because I wait until it happens to thank Him for what He was gonna do anyways, most days?
I mean. Every day. So far, at least.
So many people in my orbit have been gone long before their time. Or. What we thought their time was.
It's no surprise to God, of course.
Or if the pain will beat me.
Several times yesterday when I started to stand up... I didn't have the strength at first. It took a couple of tries.
I trust God. I surrender all, I truly do.
But there is still that very HUMAN moment of recognizing for the first time that you are unable to do... what you've always been able to do, that grips your heart in fear.
Every person goes through that at some point, I imagine. I mean... very few people die with all the same party tricks that they started life with... I could do a toe touch thirty years ago. I could still do a split just a little over a year ago. And I imagine there will be a time that I will remember fondly "way back when" I was able to stand up without struggle or pain.
Last night I dreamed that my other grandmother - my Steel Magnolia - I dreamed that she was writing a letter and although she has never (in my lifetime, anyways) had what I would consider "great penmanship" - as she was writing, it was no longer her usual handwriting, it was mostly lines and dots and dashes that made no sense. As if she had lost the ability to communicate clearly.
and she giggled and said, "my goodness".... or some sweet southern lady exclamation like that... and we went on with our lives.
They say that "only the good die young"... does that mean that all old people are bad?
Of course not. The older I get, the more I value older people.
But sooner or later, our bodies wear out. I've carried more weight than I should have in this life - both literally and figuratively. My spine is about twice my age. The cold, damp weather we had yesterday caused me physical pain. It hasn't eased up yet. It makes me physically tired and mentally drained. I was asleep before 8pm last night. I fell asleep without putting away the leftovers from dinner. That could have been another meal for us. I forgot to turn off the oven. It was on until 3am when I woke up and realized the kitchen light was still on. Oh. And the stove. And I never fed the cats. And so it goes. Getting old.
My job is on the line. We have too many people producing too few policies and I'm the weakest link. While I may have more experience... I'm not a safe bet any more. It hurts my heart but it's the truth. I'm not as valuable as I once was because my body doesn't work like it once did.
I have this deep need to be in control of my destiny... There are people who I cross paths with every single day who have lost some of their "party tricks" and aren't able to take care of themselves completely any more, whether physically or financially... and a lot of those people don't really have anyone looking out for them. Some have lost jobs... some have lost their health... some are just lonely.
It's my greatest fear. It's what I think about in those moments when I try to stand up and can't.
It's what was so frightening before, during and after my surgery... if I can't, who will?
God has been gracious to me and has kept me going many, many days beyond what I thought I could do.
I know He holds the future. I just don't quite yet know what the future looks like.
But... if you think about it... None of us do. Nothing is guaranteed. I may actually know more about my future than you do... because thanks to the pain... I spent the past year and a lot of money figuring out what was wrong with me.
By the Grace of God I was able to figure out what was wrong.
And by His Grace, I will get a shower... glam up... go to work... do the best I can with what I have and at the end of the day... I will rest. And that cycle will repeat itself until it doesn't.
So that's my Whiny Wednesday.
Happy Valentine's Day y'all! Or... as I like to call it: Singles Awareness Day. Or... as my friend Matt calls it: Old Furniture Day.
I think I have finally accepted my singleness to the extent that a big old gooey made up Hallmark holiday no longer bothers me. Much.
And... I'm just glad that I'm at a point in my life where I've learned to accept things as they are instead of struggling to make my circumstances fit my preconceived notions of how the world should be.
In other words... I'm ok with not getting flowers or candy or jewelry from "the love of my life" today.
The world tells us that we should be coupled up... and I have spent way too much time and effort trying to fit that mold. I'm single and it's ok. I kinda like me this way.
And... if we're going to let the world tell us what we should do... most of the world doesn't believe in Jesus as the Messiah, who came to save us from our sins. I don't want to fit in - in that way.
The world tells us that abortion is a "choice"... not for the baby, it isn't. I'm ok with being contrary on that point.
The world - at least the media - tells me that I should be a size 2. I'm not.
I had a dear friend tell me once that as a poor, working, single mother that the last thing I should be is a conservative Republican. I'm ok with that. I was never meant to be politically correct.
While Jesus walked this earth he demonstrated His love for the sick, ugly, crippled, poor, meek, weak, friendless, mean, hateful, possessed... He even showed His love to a group of people who ran out of wine! Imagine that! Jesus did an awful lot of things that didn't fit the popular world view.
It's ok to be unique. Different. I'm ok with that.
Aren't I fortunate that I don't need a huge vase of flowers on my desk at work to feel loved?
I got flowers every (both) Valentines Day that I was with Michael and they were beautiful... but they didn't smell good enough to cover up the stink of our relationship.
There are a lot of women out there who are in relationships where they're getting STUFF today... but they're not getting the love they need.
I'm proud to be in a sorority of women who are strong enough to make it on their own. There is no shame in passing up bad, toxic, unholy and unhealthy relationships to say, "I'm going to wait to see what God has for me..." which is what I've done finally learned to do.
I've made a pact with God that He alone has my heart... and if there is someone out there who is worthy of us, Mr. Right will have to ask my Heavenly Father for the right to entertain me.
And if he isn't out there. If He doesn't agree. Then what an awesome time I'm having on my own in the mean time!
There are a lot of awesome relationships out there that I really respect and pray for daily. Marriage is the foundation of our communities and it's the foundation of our churches. I pray for there to be healthy marriages all around me... and I pray that I will always be a source of encouragement to younger women to respect what God has given them in a husband.
I don't ever want to be the poster child for "single is better... abandon your marriage and take a walk on the wild side with me!".
Being single is hard but God is good.
I struggle. That's no secret. But it's very, very rare for me to feel lonely.
I'm so glad that God has changed my heart from constantly pulling at the bit... looking at every single man as a puzzle piece and mentally trying to see if he fits in my life.
I'm just working hard at being the me God intended for me to be and being available to His will for my life, whatever that entails.
And if you want a laugh today... check out this HUH-larious blog entry by Jon Acuff about surviving church as a single. If you're single... you'll laugh at every line. If you're married... you'll see yourself in a few spots.
Time for me to glam and get ready for the day. Please continue to pray for me as I am struggling physically right now. God is propping me up something fierce and I have no doubt it's because of the ones who are so faithful to pray for me.
I want to leave you with just one thought: no matter how alone you may feel... you're not alone. No matter how unlovable you think you may be... there's one who will always love you. No matter how attractive the world's view of romance may be, it will never fill you up. No one man can ever provide enough love for you to fill the God sized hole in your heart. Married, single, divorced, widowed, whatever little box you check ... God is there for you. And I am praying that this Valentines Day you will feel loved like you have never been loved before!
Reasons to Love Monday - I'm not a hot mess any more!
Whitney Houston is dead and I don't feel so well myself.
Obviously, we have another celebrity who has succumbed to the abuse of pharmaceuticals.
I think xanax is the devil. It's too easy to take too many and then you convince yourself that you need that many to function.
When truly... they just lead you down the path of dysfunction.
In this picture... I had a horrible fight with Michael. I have no idea what it was about. He wasn't even living with us at this point, he had already gone to Jacksonville to work and the kids and I were living in Woodstock. He would come home every other weekend and I would have a housekeeper come in the day before he came home to make sure that there was nothing that he was going to get upset about with my housekeeping. Anyways... there was something else I did wrong... it ended up with hours of him "coaching" me... I took a handful of xanax at some point during the argument to slow my racing heart and numb the effects of his abuse...and then he insisted that we go to little Zoey's birthday party as we had planned. He didn't want me to tell my friend the truth about what my day had been like. So this is me and Amy... who is one of my soul mates, a sister friend who understood me from day one... this is me faking it... although the truth is... I was a hot mess.
The last pictures of Whitney... I mean no disrespect... but it was obvious she was a hot mess. She was definitely numbing the pain. I mean... girlfriend walked out of a night club at two am with blood dripping down her leg... her spanx had quite clearly given up because she had a paunch that comes from years of drinking... hair all sweaty... sweat on her upper lip. Some times it takes a hot mess to know one.
When I left Jacksonville, I gave Jim the xanax to keep for me. Our agreement was that whenever I needed one, I would just need to explain to him why I needed it. I never have... not once... since I've been here. Oh, there's been times of great anxiety in my life - raising a teenager - car repossessed - house struck by lightning - a half dozen chronic conditions that make life difficult. I've leaned heavily on prayer, there's no doubt. There are times that I've had anxiety but not once since I left Jacksonville have I felt the kind of fear and anxiety that being with Michael caused.
These folks who are dependent on xanax or other similar medications need to figure out what the situation or circumstances are that are making them feel that way. There is a better way. That is not to say that people who have legitimate medical conditions that require treatment should avoid treatment. They should, however, be careful to take medications as prescribed. When you take meds the right way, the way they are prescribed, and observe the cautions on those medications (like... don't take with alcohol)... you don't end up drowning in a bathtub. That's all I'm saying.
Despite the pain with my back I have been extremely cautious about the medications I take for it. I have refused any narcotic medications although, truly, there are meds out there that would numb me and during the times that I don't have to function (drive, work, etc) I could take them. But I won't. I take a medication that changes the way my brain receives pain messages and I take a muscle relaxer at night. I take blood pressure medication (obviously not enough) and I take a vitamin D supplement. None of those are medications you could OD on.
I know that I am always going to be one bad day away from a hot mess. I just have to make sure my relationship with God is strong enough that I know... that I always remember... that He is all I need.
1. I'm no longer a hot mess.
2. Prayer is more powerful than xanax.
3. God preserved my life during the time that I wasn't doing a good job of preserving it myself. He sustained me.
4. I have a brand new pair of brown tights. I've been looking for brown tights for a year. I wear tights during the winter because they're warmer and hold up better. The pair of tights I've had has been with me for several years. Ive actually sewn up holes in them! It was time for a new pair.
5. I bought groceries yesterday so there is no menu panic for us before or after the work day.
5a I'm working hard on the coupon thing. Y'all send me your coupons if you're not using them! Pass along any tips you have! We have to make up the difference for a $400 a month decrease in income when child support stops... at least until summer when Austin can legitimately start working. This is about three points in one so consider this extra credit!
6. I'm feeling better. I'm still a bit of a snot factory but not as bad as I was. It's hard to draw a deep breath but I'm better.
7. My blood pressure was scary high last night - 159/114 - I think that's the highest bottom number I've ever had. This morning it's 129/84. MUCH better.
8. I had a great night's sleep.
9. It's cold outside but not as cold as it was overnight Saturday night.
10. Until time to get ready for work, I'm cozy in my fuzzy grinch pj pants and two pair of fuzzy socks. It's been a long warm and cozy weekend and I needed it.
11. I have another two and a half hours before I have to leave for work.
12. My cough is better. I was a bit anxious that it would turn into pneumonia... any snot in my body loves to head straight for those growths in my left lung. This time, I think we were spared. The mucus isn't moving in.
13. Trouble the cat is an amazingly accurate alarm clock. He wakes me up EXACTLY at 4:17 am every day. He goes to the window to watch for me every day at 5:48pm... even if I'm already here... he goes to the window, sees my car, looks around to see me... and then retreats from his post.
14. This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it... Monday gives me a fresh slate, a renewed strength... reasons to keep on keeping on!


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Home / iPhone / How-To
How to use iPhone 5s Slo-Mo videos on the Mac
By Jason Snell, Macworld SEP 28, 2013 3:01 am PDT
The iPhone 5s introduces a new Slo-Mo camera mode, in which you can create videos that seamlessly slide from normal video to super-smooth slow-motion action and back again. That smooth motion happens because in Slo-Mo mode, the iPhone 5s is shooting video at 120 frames per second (instead of the usual 30 fps), so when it's running at a quarter-speed, it's still running at the same frame rate as regular video. There's not the stutter of repeated video frames that you'd see in a fake slow-motion effect.
On the iPhone 5s itself, the Camera app can let you quickly make and share ( albeit with some complications) slow-motion videos. But back on your Mac, things get a little more interesting.
Copy a Slo-Mo video back to your Mac, and you get a normal QuickTime movie file. Open it up in QuickTime Player, and you'll see a regular old video playing back at regular speed—no slow-motion at all, even if you set in and out points on your iPhone 5s.
There's a "120" tag for Slo-Mo videos in iMovie.
If you look closely, though, you'll notice that everything seems a little smoother than a normal video does. That's because you're watching that video play back at 120 fps. All the information necessary to make a slow-motion video is there—it's just all playing back at normal speed rather than one-quarter speed.
The good news is, you can import this video into iMovie (or Final Cut Pro, or any other video editor you can name) and create your own slow-motion effect. The Camera and Photos apps on the iPhone 5s will only let you create a single slow-motion region; in a video editor, you can flip into and out of slow-motion mode as many times as you want.
In iMovie, just import the movie file as you would any other iPhone video. you'll see that the thumbnails are tagged with a small icon in the bottom-left corner that reads "120," because it's a 120-fps video.
To emulate the iPhone's video effect in iMovie, add the clip to your iMovie project and then split it into three parts—the beginning, the middle part (which you'll switch into slow motion), and the ending. Then select the middle part and choose Clip > Slow Motion > 25%. You'll have to give iMovie a few seconds to optimize the clip, and that's it.
Using this approach, you can shoot a long high-frame-rate sequence using the Slo-Mo mode and then create a video that switches into and out of slow motion as often as you like. Imagine a diver slowly jumping off the diving board, then moving at full speed until just before hitting the water. Or a skateboarder who slows down every time she's airborne.
Embedded below is a video we shot on the iPhone 5s but edited in iMovie on the Mac.
Author: Jason Snell
Jason has written for Macworld for 25 years, and was lead editor for more than a decade. He writes about Apple at Six Colors and podcasts at Relay FM and The Incomparable.
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The Connecticut Women's Hall of Fame pays tribute to philanthropist Dotha Bushnell Hillyer, patron of a living memorial to her father, the Reverend Horace Bushnell. Dotha founded and oversaw the construction of the Horace Bushnell Memorial Hall in Hartford, dedicated to serving the community by insuring support for the arts, science, and humanities. A civic leader herself, Dotha championed the fight for tenement reform, and educational and recreational opportunities for immigrants brought to the Hartford area for war work. Today the Bushnell is home to the Hartford Symphony Orchestra.
"Dotha Bushnell Hillyer." Connecticut Women's Hall of Fame, 2017. Link.


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sportsStars
Stars notebook: Jason Robertson extends point streak, already longest in Dallas history
Robertson tied Mike Modano for most goals by a Dallas Star in the first 23 games of the season with 19.
Dallas Stars' Jason Robertson (21) advances the puck during the first period of an NHL hockey game against the St. Louis Blues, Monday, Nov. 28, 2022, in St. Louis.(Michael Thomas / ASSOCIATED PRESS)
By Matthew DeFranks
11:05 PM on Nov 28, 2022 CST
ST. LOUIS, Mo. — Stars forward Jason Robertson will find a way, even on the quietest nights.
Robertson scored in the third period of the Stars' 4-1 win on Monday night over St. Louis, extending his point streak to 16 games on his only shot of the game. He only had three shot attempts.
After blocking a Niko Mikkola shot, Robertson won the race to puck and beat Jordan Binnington with a shot before Justin Faulk could close him out on the backcheck.
Robertson leads the NHL with 19 goals this season. During the 16-game point streak, Robertson has 17 goals and 12 assits.
"You think of some elite scorers over the time," Stars goaltender Scott Wedgewood said. "[Alex] Ovechkin's power, but he can pick a spot. Some of it is just placement. A lot of the time, it's what's available, what's there, what you don't see, depth.
"[Robertson is] smart with it. He's deceptive. He can wait, push and change the angle. He's got the tools, so he uses them to his advantage."
Robertson tied Mike Modano for most goals by a Dallas Star in the first 23 games of the season with 19. Robertson's 36 points are the most by a Dallas Star in the first 23 games of the season.
Robertson's point streak is already the longest in Dallas Stars history. Brian Bellow's 20-game point streak is the longest in franchise history, when including the Minnesota North Stars.
"Him and I have some fun," Wedgewood said. "We battle every day in practice and joke around. He shoots on me in the summer, too, he spends some time in Michigan where I am as well. He's just an elite goal-scorer and he proved it there again.
"What he's doing on this streak, it's fun to watch. There's day we get the better of each other. He might say it's more him than me, but I'll fight the battle until the day I die."
First for Hanley: Stars defenseman Joel Hanley got in his first career NHL fight on Monday, dropping the gloves with Nathan Walker in a spirited bout. According to HockeyFights.com, it was Hanley's first fight since a 2014 rookie tournament.
"That was great," Stars forward Ty Dellandrea said. "He doesn't do that often. I asked him when the last time was, he said a really long time ago. He did great. All the boys were fired up after that. It was a great fight for us."
Hanley entered the lineup in place of Nils Lundkvist, and logged 13:53 of ice time with two hits and a blocked shot.
"Hanner did a great job," Stars coach Pete DeBoer said. "Got in a scrap, defended hard, really gave us a little bit of bite back there. I thought we had been a little leaky around our net. I thought he's a guy that really takes pride in defending around that area. He really added a lot to our group tonight."
Wardrobe adjustment: Stars defenseman Janu Hakanpää wore a full face shield on Monday night, one game after finishing the game in Colorado with one. Hakanpää was hit in the face with a puck, needing three or four stitches, he said Monday morning.
Hakanpää said he hasn't worn a full bubble before, and hasn't worn a cage since his junior days. Last year, when he was hit in the face by a puck during warmup in Seattle, Hakanpää said he just wore a longer visor.
Quick period: The third period of Monday's game did not have a television timeout, a rarity for any game.
There were only eight faceoffs in the period. One started the period, four were after goals, two were after icings, and one was before there would have been a TV timeout. Typically, TV timeouts are taken under 14 minutes, 10 minutes and 6 minutes, with exceptions for goals and icings.
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Stars notebook: Dallas keeps starting lineup, Nils Lundkvist scratched again
Find more Stars coverage from The Dallas Morning News here.
Matthew DeFranks. Matt began covering the Stars for SportsDay in 2018-19, and previously covered the Florida Panthers for the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. He's also covered college football, the Miami Marlins, the Kansas City Royals and the Los Angeles Angels for a variety of outlets. He graduated from the University of Notre Dame.
matthew.defranks@dallasnews.com /mdefranks @MDeFranks
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