text:
Copyright © 2019 by HeatherAsh Amara

This book is adapted from _The Toltec Path of Transformation: Embracing the Four Elements of Change_ by HeatherAsh Amara (Hierophant Publishing 2012). All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this work in any form whatsoever, without permission in writing from the publisher, except for brief passages in connection with a review.

Cover design by Emma Smith

Cover art by:

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Interior Design by Frame25 Productions

Hierophant Publishing
www.hierophantpublishing.com

If you are unable to order this book from your local
bookseller, you may order directly from the publisher.

Library of Congress Control Number: 2019930731

ISBN: 978-1-938289-89-7

Printed on acid-free paper in the United States.

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_May these words help all beings balance
mind, spirit, emotions, and body and
return to their authentic, divine center_.
_Every human has four endowments—self awareness, conscience, independent will, and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change_.

—Stephen Covey

# Contents

Introduction

1. A New Dream, a New Path

2. Air: The Art of Clear Perception

3. Fire: The Art of Cleansing

4. Water: The Art of Opening

5. Earth: The Art of Nourishing

Conclusion

Acknowledgments

# Introduction

_In oneself lies the whole world, and if you know how
to look and learn, then the door is there and the key
is in your hand. Nobody on earth can give you either
that key or the door to open, except yourself_.

—Krishnamurti

_Freedom_.

The word has an inspiring ring to it, one that promises release from bondage and stirs pure possibility. Its Old English and Germanic origins point to something even deeper, linking it to the word _friend_ through a shared root that means "to love."

Sometimes we use _freedom_ to mean the ability to move around unfettered in the world and express ourselves openly. We can live where we want, associate with whom we want, and read books like this one in ways we mustn't ever take for granted. This type of external freedom is incredibly important. But the subject of this book goes even deeper.

This book is about another kind of freedom—one which can only come from the inside. This is the freedom from inner negativity, harmful self-judgment, self-limiting beliefs, and emotional pain from past experiences. It's the freedom that grows from a profound friendship with our truest self, in which our beliefs and actions come from a place of love rather than fear. This is the freedom that blasts open your heart, pumps courage into your veins, and brings the knowledge that while you may not have a choice in what happens in the world, you _always_ have a choice in how you respond.

This is what I call Big Freedom.

In my view, each of us is born with Big Freedom. You can see this in the eyes of a newborn baby, which reflect not an ounce of judgment or self-criticism, but rather a sense of wonder, awe, gratitude, and curiosity.

Yet as we grow up, things begin to change. We start to build walls around ourselves based on fears, beliefs, and traumatic experiences. Looking back, we see that some of these walls were necessary at the time; they likely protected us and kept us safe. But without us realizing it, these protective walls can become a prison and separate us not only from potential danger but also joy and connectedness.

One of the benefits of being an adult is that you get to break free of these confinements and choose how you want to live. You get to build the home of your dreams and live in Big Freedom—right now.

Imagine yourself as a house. Your mind, body, and spirit are contained in this physical form. You have been building the house of yourself since childhood, very often basing it on other people's designs. Now, as an adult, if you had every resource at your disposal to remodel your life, how would you choose to do it? How would you make it a home base for the expression of the Big Freedom that is your birthright?

Whenever you begin any remodeling project, the first step is to assess the stability of the current structure. Do the floors of your internal house rest solidly on an abiding connection to your inner truth? Or are they precariously balanced on false beliefs and outdated agreements that you created or were told as a child? A shaky internal foundation allows anxiety, fear, and a feeling of scarcity to prevail throughout your home.

Our existing foundation was created early in life, sometimes from tiny events that have an outsize impact on our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Once we understand the mechanics of how our old house was built, we have the knowledge to then roll up our sleeves and begin rebuilding ourselves from the inside out.

## Faulty Foundations

Each of us is formed and informed by certain core experiences. The following story is an example of a situation that activates common themes many of us experienced early in life: disappointment, confusion, misunderstanding, and fear. As you read it, see if you can remember any experiences in your own early life that created similar feelings within you.

I am three years old, playing with my rambunctious eight-year-old sister. We're laughing and gleefully running around the house, arms waving, feet barely touching the ground.

Suddenly, I hear a loud noise behind me, and I turn to see that my sister has accidentally knocked over a vase, which has shattered all over the floor. We freeze and look at each other, wondering what to do next. My sister shakes her head and says, "We'd better clean this up before Mom comes back inside." But when we go into the kitchen to get the broom, we decide to have a snack first. Before long, the two of us are laughing and playing again, forgetting all about the vase.

Meanwhile, our mom has been outside working in the garden. She is hot, tired, and still upset over an argument she had with Dad earlier in the day. She's thinking about everything she needs to get done and trying to fortify herself to push through her current state of being physically and emotionally overwhelmed.

Mom's not-good day is about to get worse.

As she walks into the house, she hears my sister and I laughing and running around. Then she sees her grandmother's vase— _the only thing her grandmother had ever given her_ —shattered on the floor.

Even though she has rarely yelled or gotten upset with us, today she just loses it. She starts yelling, "Who broke my vase?! Who broke my vase?!"

My sister and I come running into the front room, both scared as she shouts at us about the vase, demanding to know who broke it.

In a panic, my sister points at me and says, "She did it!"

I look at her, and then at my mother, stuttering, "I . . . I . . . I didn't—"

"You! Go to your room now!" Mom yells.

Now, close your eyes for a moment and imagine that you are a child and that you have just been punished for something you didn't do. How does this feel in your body? What thoughts are beginning to cycle through your mind?

You might have a strong emotional reaction, a tingling that fills you from head to toe. Physically, you may feel a churning in your stomach, a tightness in your throat, or a tearing feeling in your chest. You might be angry and feel betrayed. You may feel scared or confused.

The emotion itself is not the problem, but _what we do next_ creates the fodder for most of our ongoing suffering as adults.

We tell ourselves a story.

As a little kid, consider some of the things you might tell yourself to help make sense of what just happened:

  * _Mom loves my sister more than she loves me_.
  * _People will lie or betray me to serve their own interest_.
  * _If I lie, I won't get punished_.
  * _It's not safe to play or feel joy; I'll get in trouble_.
  * _I can't trust Mom_.
  * _I have to be extra careful and earn the feeling of love and safety_.
  * _I'm bad, clumsy, and stupid_.
  * _Material objects are more important than people_.
  * _Life's not fair_.

Any one of these thoughts could be nothing—like a dandelion puff blowing in the wind and not taking root. Or the puff could land on fertile soil and start growing roots and shooting out leaves. Before you know it, a whole field of weeds has sprouted. These tiny thoughts have immense power—not their own power, but the power we give to them. We are incredible creators, but what we often create is based on the seeds of false thoughts that, when planted, take root and blossom into _agreements_ that we make with ourselves and with others.

While the situation with the vase is a relatively minor trauma, the point is to see how a brief incident can plant seeds of doubt, confusion, and misunderstanding, which can then grow into larger agreements that affect our entire lives until we investigate and uproot them. The child in this scenario might not even remember the incident when she grows up, but you can see the impact it could have on her thinking—especially if things like this occur on a regular basis. On an unconscious level, she will literally create a reality that will grow from this handful of childhood agreements. These beliefs will become a shaky floor for all her future actions.

  * Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences.
  * Where have you erected jail-like walls based on past stories?
  * What are the stories you tell yourself that make you feel helpless or victimized instead of powerful and confident?
  * In what ways do they limit how you perceive your life story, your talents, and your possibilities for the future?

For many of us, there are more than a few of these in a variety of areas. Sometimes we have told ourselves these stories for so long that we no longer recognize them as stories. We mistake them for "the way things are." Unearthing these beliefs can take time and energy, but we must reveal and expunge them if we are going to be free.

The good news is that you do not need to know the origin of these beliefs to correct and replace them; all you need to do is (1) be honest with yourself about the current state of your internal house and (2) be willing to do the work to remodel it from the ground up.

## Building the Life You Want

As the vase story shows, we often learn behaviors as children that cause us to go against our very nature. Our parents, or those who raised us, were most likely doing their best by acting out what they learned from the generation before them. Seeing this allows us to make an honest assessment of our current internal structure. This is the first step to breaking down our old walls—and building up a new house, one which reflects the life we want.

My own journey to Big Freedom began more than thirty years ago. Over the course of many years of shamanic apprenticeship, inner work, spiritual breakthroughs, and finally becoming a teacher myself, I noticed an interesting pattern in my life: my emotional breakthroughs or healing aha moments were often followed by intense periods of depression, fear, and self-doubt. I realized that despite my conscious evolution, the underlying structure of my old self was still alive and resistant to transformation. I wondered if other people had similar experiences and if there was a way to facilitate a lasting change in the core of my being.

Shortly after this realization, I dedicated six months to intensely watching this reluctance in myself and my students. While much had changed for the better in my life, a few deeply rooted issues kept me out of balance. Two of my biggest issues were a need to look outside myself for answers and a desire to control other people's behavior in order to make myself feel safe. Despite my awareness of these old behaviors, I struggled to break free of them. During this time, I kept asking myself: _Howdo I step out of these limitations? What is the key to total personal transformation?_

Luckily, I was committed to bringing curiosity, patience, and openness to these questions, which allowed answers to arrive from unexpected places. My biggest answer came in a dream that crystallized years of work with many different teachers, healers, and spiritual traditions. This dream showed me a pathway to living a balanced life in the midst of great inner change and was based on the four elements of air, fire, water, and earth. As a result of this dream, I realized that the four elements are symbols for transformation and the gifts they offer us can be powerful tools for change in every area of life.

I'll share the details of that dream with you in the following pages.

In this book, we'll embark on a path to living an open, balanced life—something that seems more important now in our uncertain times than in any time in recent history. This path is based on the four elements of air, fire, water, and earth—essential elements that, when harnessed, can be powerful tools for transformation. Let's set out on this new path together.

# ONE

# A New Dream, a New Path

_We are the living links in a life force that
moves and plays around and through us,
binding the deepest soils with the farthest stars_.

—Alan Chadwick

Air, fire, water, and earth are the cornerstones of life. From the air you breathe to the earth you walk on, from the water you drink to the warmth you feel from the sun, your very existence depends on each of the elements. Without any one of them, all life on the planet would cease to exist.

Indigenous peoples around the world have always honored the four elements as ever-present allies. From shamanic traditions in the Americas to the roots of Buddhism in the East, from African ritual to the Greek and Roman mystery schools of Europe, the elements of air, fire, water, and earth are present in every one of these spiritual traditions. By opening to the wisdom passed down through these lineages, we can learn how to use the elements as tools for personal transformation.

The four elements are powerful guides for how to live in alignment with your true self. Every breath of air can bring more spaciousness into your being. Fire invites you to burn away what no longer serves you. Water shows you how to be fluid and open to what life brings. The earth beneath your feet reminds you to nourish and sustain yourself always and in all ways. Each element offers a tool for transformation, and together they represent a path to Big Freedom.

At some time or another, each of us has felt a deep sense of connectedness to nature. We know it is our home, and we long to return to it. This begs the question: What secret, ancient teachings are waiting for us in the elemental building blocks of nature? How do they inspire a deeper understanding of ourselves and guide us through the increasingly complex world in which we live? The answers to these questions form the framework for this book.

As I mentioned, the power of the four elements and their particular gifts came to me in a dream I had several years ago. Shamanic cultures, Eastern spiritual traditions, and even some secular communities in the West recognize the power of dreams. To begin our journey together, I will share my dream with you now.

## The Dream of the Elders

I stand in a vast, soft, green meadow. I realize I am at the center of a circle of elders, who face me. Beyond them, I see that we are surrounded by a wide, violet-blue sky.

One of the elders looks deep into my eyes and says, "At any moment, you have the capacity to merge fully and completely into your center."

"This takes a tremendous amount of focus, for it means stepping through your limiting beliefs," another shares, looking beyond my eyes into my very soul. "As individuals and in community, humans are at the cusp of a great change. The four elements of air, fire, water, and earth will guide people to embody their authentic selves."

A woman steps forward, then leads me toward a smaller circle of stones I hadn't noticed before. "Feel the tremendous love and clarity that arises from living out of your true center," she counsels, inviting me to step inside and sit in the center of the circle. "Honor each element—air, fire, water, and earth—and it will share its wisdom with you."

As I lower myself and sit on the warm earth, I offer a prayer of welcome, appealing to the elements to share their wisdom. I suddenly feel a presence in front of me and open my eyes to see a being dressed in flowing layers of soft yellows and gold. With a gentle push aloft, she transforms into a golden eagle and soars above my head. I realize she is the representation of the air element. She flies lower and lands on my shoulder, and I discover I can see through her eyes. I feel great peace, and a vastness of vision enlarges all my senses.

"Air represents your power to see clearly," she whispers.

I feel a shift within me that allows me to witness things in clarity and quiet. Through the bird's eyes, my mind is a place of vision. My mind rests, witnessing all that occurs around us and within me. But as the eagle flaps her wings, the clarity dissolves in an instant, and I see my mind out of balance. Everything becomes disordered and loud. Strident internal voices compete for my attention. My mind judges everything it sees. Clear vision is replaced by confusion. I feel fearful and alone.

"The gift of air is clear perception," I hear, and suddenly I can witness my mind again without being drowned by its fears. "See with the eyes of the eagle. Align your mind with your center. Let the mind be supported by all of your being."

As the eagle dissolves, I allow her words to filter into my core and rest there. A few moments later, I feel another being enter the circle. I turn to my right and find myself facing the light and heat of a massive, fiery panther.

"The gift of fire is cleansing," the panther says, arching its back. "Burn away all the beliefs, ideas, judgments, and fears that do not serve your highest good." Then, the panther stretches out a paw and softly brushes my hand, and my body floods with light. I can see the places where an inner belief, past traumatic experience, or recurring fear blocks my energy from flowing freely. My body tingles as fire rushes through and around these old, outdated ideas, burning them all as it goes.

"Use the fire to cleanse what does not serve you," the panther purrs. I watch as the panther dissolves into pure flame, burning away the rest of my old beliefs with it.

Next, another being emerges in the circle to my right. A man made of water greets me. Inside him, I can see the steady flow of water's many forms: rain and snow, waterfalls, rivers, the oceans, and the lightest mist. "Water represents your emotions," he declares. "The gift of water is openness."

Within my body, I feel every place that has ever been closed suddenly burst wide open. I become pure flow, pure emotion. There is no difference between grief and joy. I welcome everything that comes my way and feel enormous space in my body and mind as water flows around and through me.

"When you open to life, you create space for great change to occur," he says. The water inside me becomes a raging river, a gentle stream, and finally a clear bowl of pure crystalline water. As I drink from the bowl, pure emotion settles into my center.

I now turn to face the last element, that of earth. A snake emerges and beckons me down a hole, deep into the soil. "It is from here that you nourish the seed of your true self," the snake whispers. "The gift of earth is nourishment."

As the snake speaks, I become a tree with roots deep in the earth. I can suddenly feel my body and mind embrace a new kind of perception. I can _sense_ the difference between those things in my world that can nourish me and those that will poison me.

The snake seems to know what I am experiencing. "Choose wisely," the snake cautions.

As I transform from the tree back into my human body, I feel a deep sense of wonder. I can sense all four elements illuminating my center. They create a new structure that surrounds and holds me. I no longer feel alone or confused.

Once again, I find that am standing in the circle in the meadow with the elders. Together, they speak to me of the journey of change: "To become the butterfly, the caterpillar needs a cocoon. Inside the stability of this temporary home, the creature enjoys a safety that allows for massive changes—indeed, total transformation. Use the four elements as your cocoon, as your new home, while you dismantle the old. This is the way forward."

"The four elements will be your guides on your path to free your true self," one of the elders continues, opening his arms wide. "Come into balance with the elements of life, as each one represents a part of your being. When you bring the four elements into harmony, you will be in alignment with your center."

I feel the blessing of the elders surround me as they slowly dissolve. I stand alone in the meadow, embodying the qualities of air, fire, water, and earth. Drawing in a calm, full breath, I gaze at the vastness of the sky and smile.

## The Four Elements of Transformation

As you recreate yourself, the four elements of air, fire, water, and earth will become the building blocks of a new foundation for a life that is based in Big Freedom. As my dream foretold, each of us can use them as a guide to become the person we want to be rather than the person we were told to be. Each element represents a way to approach transforming your being. Taken together, the four elements can be seen as tools to balance all parts of yourself and naturally live from your center.

Each of the elements has a complementary action—an art—for you to learn. Like all art, you can build skills and expand your vision of what's possible by putting these actions into practice each and every day. These practices are also unique to every individual. So your implementation of these tools will express slightly differently than mine. In this book, we begin with air, but working with the four elements is an integrated process that builds on itself as you go. The elements and their actions blend and support one another to create a container for change.

## Air

Air represents the art of seeing clearly. The first element of change focuses on clear perception. Allowing your compassionate and supportive mind to emerge is key on your journey to center. Since you have probably spent a lot of time in fear-based and judgmental thinking, the mind may want to remain stuck, resistant to change. However, with patience and practice and a conscious shift in attitude, you can move from the heaviness of a fearful, disruptive mind to the lightness of a clear, curious mind.

## Fire

Fire represents the art of cleansing. The second element in your new structure, fire, will teach you about the power of cleansing in the broadest sense. The fire element is about action. After you witness through the eyes of air, you move into burning away what is no longer true for you. Cleansing is not something you do just once in your life, then it's over—you gain deeper peace and clarity only through repetition and practice.

## Water

Water represents the art of opening. The gift of water is learning to open. It is easy to stay open to things you like or that feel good; it's more difficult to stay open to things you dislike or that feel bad. To open means to accept all that life brings while simultaneously choosing to work for positive change. Opening is not a passive, discouraged acceptance of your inner world or outer reality. It is a courageous internal movement of trust into the new life that is unfolding.

## Earth

Earth represents the art of nourishing. This beautiful planet is our reminder of the importance of nourishing yourself from the inside out. Self-nourishment is about learning which actions deplete you and which vitalize you (from what you eat and how many hours you sleep to which people you spend time with). When you feed your center consciously, you will support your physical body in growing as vibrant and healthy as possible.

As you read the following chapters, each dedicated to one element, choose one or more of the corresponding practice exercises that feel most relevant to you. These exercises will help you integrate the qualities of each element into your daily life.

# TWO

# Air: The Art of Clear Perception

_Regaining Your Clarity and Vision_

_If the doors of perception were cleansed everything
would appear to man as it is: infinite_.

—William Blake

Our modern society values the mind far more than the spiritual, emotional, and physical aspects of self. But when the mind falls out of balance with the rest of our being, we find ourselves in a state of fear and confusion, especially during times of change or upheaval. During these difficult times, the mind grasps at external validation, substances, and other people to feel supported, instead of going within to tap into the resources of spirit, emotions, and body. Whatever you find outside yourself to help you feel whole and secure—whether it is a relationship, a job, how you look, or your material possessions—it can only bring a temporary sense of stability. The truth is that any of this can disappear at any time. Putting faith in these things can never lead the way to Big Freedom.

To compound matters, we live in a time of incredible change in social, economic, political, and personal structures. Now more than ever, it is vital to learn how to shift our mental attention away from fear and dread and toward clarity, trust, and possibility, regardless of the changes that are happening around us. It is time to tap a deeper sense of faith and cultivate a mind that supports your growth and the unfolding of your greatest potential.

The mind is good at keeping us in prison, and as we saw in the introduction, one way it does so is by spinning exaggerated stories of scarcity and danger. When the mind goes into overdrive in this way, I call it "disaster mind." Also known as worst-case scenario and negative mind, disaster mind is constantly scanning for what could go wrong. It thrives on judgment, comparison, fear, and scarcity. When you see through the eyes of disaster mind, you often bounce between the past and the future, rarely showing up in the present moment, which is the only place true transformation can happen. Let's break that cycle with the help of the first element: air.

Air invites us to learn the art of clear perception. Your path of transformation is greatly sped up by a compassionate and present mind. Imagine what it would be like to have a supportive, creative mind when challenges arise! Changing the workings of your mind isn't easy. It will require patience, practice, and a conscious shift in attitude, but moving from a fearful mind to a clear mind is possible.

## The Mind in Action

Many years ago, I experienced the incredible chaos that the mind can create when I decided to commit to remaining in complete silence for forty days for Lent. My intent for going into silence was to connect more deeply with my center. I wanted to give myself time off from interacting verbally and focus on my own inner sense of peace.

The first few days of silence were glorious. But silence and I had a short honeymoon. The next two weeks were a perfect hell. I say perfect, because what arose was exactly what I needed to see. My extended silence gave me the distance I needed to see the workings of my mind in action. It was during this time that I gave my mind the new nickname "disaster mind" because of the immense drama and judgment that were overwhelming my thoughts.

Here's my story of meeting and transforming my disaster mind.

When I first began my silence, I lived in a tiny cabin in the woods, forty-five minutes outside town. The road to work was winding and steep and ran along a deep river ravine.

As I drove to town one morning, I was startled by the loudness of my mind. "You're late for work!" it screamed at me. "You are going to get fired!" Then my mind created a whole inner movie for me to watch: getting fired, losing my house, losing all my friends, and ending up destitute.

As soon as that vision ran to its bitter end, another one started. "You're going too fast; you're going to go over the edge of the road!" I envisioned myself running through the guardrail and plunging over the edge to the river below. I saw myself dying and then, even worse, immediately envisioned being trapped in the car, still alive but badly mangled and with no one to help me.

_What is my mind doing?_ I asked myself. I felt split in two: one part of me was watching a completely separate part of me as it created chaos with words and images.

As the disaster scenarios of my mind unfolded one after another and the voices of fear proved impossible to ignore, I was shocked. Was this really my everyday reality? _Yes_. It was an even bigger shock to admit to myself that the disaster voices had always been there, chattering away. Deciding to spend time in silence had allowed me to quiet down enough so that I could hear what was previously below my consciousness. But could I learn to shift my mind from disaster to clarity?

Silence forced me to simply witness my thoughts and my reaction to them. I noticed that as I paid attention to my disaster thoughts they got louder, as if they knew they had an audience. One moment, I would be comparing myself to someone else and making up a story about how I was failing. The next moment, my mind was judging the very person I had idolized. I started losing faith that my mind always acted in my best interest. In my normal state, I mostly believed what my mind was telling me. However, as I became more conscious of the dramas playing out in silence, I could see that my thoughts were often not the truth at all.

Over the next few weeks, I practiced witnessing with compassion, rather than being caught up in the fear and worry of my own mind. When I put my attention elsewhere without denying the existence of my chattering mind, the voices seemed to quiet a bit.

Witnessing the voices without giving them any extra energy (they had plenty on their own, thank you!) taught me many things about my own mind. Seeing clearly can be a great force for change. When you become conscious of the minds stories and witness them objectively, you are empowered to consciously choose what you want to believe, instead of running on autopilot. At first it may be painful to take in the fullness of your minds chaos. But hang in there, because clear recognition of what is _not_ working will set the stage for you to change your mind and give it new guidelines.

What's more, there is another reward waiting for you when you begin this witnessing process. As I stopped believing my disaster mind, I noticed that there was another voice speaking to me, beneath the chaos. My negative thinking had easily drowned out its quiet, sweet cadence until now. Yet when I allowed the negative thinking to pass on through, this voice remained.

The first time I heard this compassionate voice, it startled me. I was rushing to get to work and realized I had forgotten something. "Oops, let's go back and get it!" a laughing voice said in my head. I looked around, confused. Where was my judge? Where was the familiar voice that told me how stupid and forgetful I was? This new voice was like a breath of fresh air, connecting me with my intuition and with a great sense of love and acceptance.

Here's how you, too, can release disaster mind and find the loving voice within.

## Seeing Your Own Disaster Mind

By playing a simple game, you can begin to see the nature of your own mind.

To play this game, set aside half an hour during your day and devote it entirely to noticing your thoughts. Pretend that you are listening to a radio program that piques your curiosity. Keep breathing as you listen! Your goal is to practice _witnessing_ your thoughts. Resist the urge to believe your thoughts, and also resist any tendency to shut them down. Allow yourself to _really hear_ your mind and be present with it. Notice when it is making up stories, worrying about something in the future that may or may not happen, or regretting and rehashing the past.

The mind gets stuck in thinking it sees reality, when it is really only looking through veils of mistaken agreements and old beliefs. Disaster mind cannot see what is real. Playing this game can help you notice during the rest of your day the times when disaster mind can strike. It can easily take a momentary rejection and turn it into the statement, "this person doesn't love me," and then inflate it further into an all-out belief along the lines of, "no one loves me—I am unlovable!" This very messy mind will then begin to perceive all sorts of false ideas and believe they are true.

The truth is that even when there is an actual disaster in your life, you _still_ don't need the guidance of your disaster mind. When something does go wrong, disaster mind only makes it worse. It's in those moments you most need the art of clarity. Disaster mind says things like, "Losing my home means my life is over," or "I'll never love again after this terrible divorce," and believing these kinds of thoughts drains your energy and closes available doors of possibility. A healthy mind looks for the potential and the promise of growth through adversity.

One of my students wrote to me after she was abruptly fired from her job. Terry wanted support, because she could see the power of her disaster mind beginning to kick in, and she was ready to do something different with this transition in her life. She wrote, "I'm really wanting to move with integrity and ease into a new environment that feels more in line with my gifts and interests." Terry was guiding her mind to the truth of what was now possible and asking for help to steer clear of the storm-cloud thoughts of doom. She committed to make her next actions from a clear mind and to continue to ask for reminders and guidance to stay off the familiar road of disaster mind and on the path of aware choices.

To truly support yourself, learn to look closely at how your mind can work to either motivate or defeat yourself with every step. The rest of this chapter will give you the tools to move out of disaster thinking and into compassionate clarity and connect to the part of your mind that will sweet talk you through any transition.

## Stopping Disaster Mind in Its Tracks

Like most of us, you probably have a tendency to create huge run-on sentences of judgment layered upon judgment:

"These pants don't fit me very well. My thighs are too fat. Oh, if only I had the will-power to stop eating so much sugar—then my thighs and butt wouldn't be so big. And if only I worked out more, like Christy, my body would be okay like hers. Her body is so beautiful, and mine is so ugly that no one is going to want to date me, so why am I even bothering to try on new pants? They are not going to hide the fact that I am ugly, and that no one loves me, that I am all alone and am never going to be appreciated for who I am, because I live in a society that judges people who are bigger than a size 4, and I was never a size 4, no matter how much I dieted, though maybe if I was better at dieting my thighs wouldn't be so big, and I wouldn't be so unhappy all the time . . ."

Oh boy.

When you catch yourself heading down this road, judging yourself for judging yourself or comparing yourself with others, put a period in your run-on sentence at the first opportunity. "These pants don't fit me." Period. Take a breath and pause for a moment. Now, create a _new_ sentence, a new paragraph, which supports you with a new thought: "My thighs are the thighs of a grown woman, not the thighs of a teenager." Or "I am looking forward to working out and getting my body in shape." Notice if you judged yourself, and notice how it affected you. Pausing between these disaster thoughts can help you shift your perspective away from judging yourself and toward acceptance and presence.

Here is another example of how you can use clear perception, proper punctuation, and pause to bring clarity and ease to a difficult situation. My friend Francis decided to put long-dreamed-of plans in motion to start teaching and getting her own business going. But frustrating roadblocks kept popping up. Her first client backed out at the last minute. A relative who promised to help suddenly had to leave town for an extended business trip. The deadline she had given for herself to get her business up and running was looming. Each day, her stress level built and built as her disaster mind starting singing its song. We sat down to explore how to help her shift her state of mind and move things forward again.

My first question to her was, "What is your mind telling you?"

Together we sat in witness as she gave her disaster mind voice: "I want to start my new business, and things keep falling through. I feel like I'm never going to be able to get my new business going. No one will help me, and no one follows through. I try and try and nothing is working out right. To make matters worse, my mom is not doing well, and if she is really sick, I'm afraid I can't take care of her. How am I going to manage that? Also, my car needs to be fixed, and I don't have the money . . ."

As she was speaking, she realized that she was only seeing the negative aspects of her situation and that her disaster mind was weaving in lots of fears that were making her feel even more hopeless and paralyzed. I invited her to take a mental step back and place a period in her first sentence: "I want to start my new business."

"Now what other possibilities do you see?" I asked her.

"I put an arbitrary and unrealistic deadline on myself, and it is making me crazy. Yes, one person has canceled, but there are many other people who can benefit from my services. I need to focus on the openings rather than on the closed doors. I need to be more patient with the process and not put so much pressure on myself. Now I'm feeling excited again!"

The clarity my friend found by putting a pause in her disaster thinking and starting a new sentence from awareness was profound. But one moment of awareness is not enough; to anchor to a new way of seeing the world, especially in tough situations, we have to diligently shift our perspective away from disaster mind and toward clear perception—over and over again.

If this sounds difficult, never fear. You already do it with your eyes—you shift your perspective thousands of times a day. Raise a finger about four inches in front of your face and focus on it completely. Now shift your focus to something in the distance. Notice how your finger is still there, but it is only a tiny part of a much bigger framework. You can do the same perspective shift with your disaster-creating, judging mind as you move into your witnessing mind.

## Making the Transition to Clear Perception

The mind is often the primary block to experiencing the freedom we seek, and learning to use the mind in a supportive role rather than being trapped by negative narratives is key. As you practice learning to witness your mind with love, acceptance, curiosity, and humor, you can more easily see and avoid the three main pitfalls of your disaster mind: judgment, perfectionism, and unbalanced responsibility

## Pitfall 1: Judgment

The judge—that voice of our negative mind—sees things in black and white, and as the name suggests, the judge always chooses to see things in a negative light rather than a positive one.

Using the witness state of mind, you can train yourself to stop relying on the judge as your main source of information, opening yourself to the clear vision of air in the process.

Below are examples of judging mind versus witnessing mind:

**Judge:** That person is bad.

**Witness:** I do not feel comfortable around that person.

**Judge:** I am worthless and undesirable.

**Witness:** I am feeling vulnerable and weak today.

**Judge:** I keep judging and fighting with my boss. She makes me feel like a terrible person. She is unreasonable and uncaring.

**Witness:** I need to stay out of my boss's way when she is angry, or I tend to get angry myself and make things worse. Her moods do not have anything to do with me. She seems to get angry most often in the mornings. I will practice being kind.

**Judge:** I am fat. I'm never going to find someone to love me.

**Witness:** I'm not happy with my body right now. Am I comparing myself to how I think I should be? Am I making up stories about what others will think?

By cultivating the witness mind you learn to start seeing things clearly, and this type of vision is central to experiencing freedom in your life, which means your perceptions are guided by love rather than fear, anger, or resentment. They come from a wider perception of body, emotions, and a life force in balance with the tool of the mind. As your perception clears, you become your own loving parent, your own best friend, and your own mentor. You become the artist of your own life. You can now create a new framework from which to live and breathe—a fresh structure in which you can maintain your center.

## Pitfall 2: Perfectionism

Does your mind insist you be perfect in everything you do? As a result of unachievable expectations, we often punish ourselves with pointed words and stabs, mistakenly thinking that this will make us a better person.

Stop for a moment to explore what it feels like to try to never make a mistake. When you spend your energy trying not to make mistakes, your way of life becomes stilted and tight. You constantly look around to see if anyone is watching. You feel that to be adequate, you must be perfect. Your mind is always ready to tell you how you are doing everything wrong, and it constantly judges and compares you with others: "See, they never make mistakes."

This sort of perfectionism is an exhausting way to live. If you expect yourself to be perfect at everything you do, you will stifle your creativity and sense of adventure. All sense of fun and spontaneity disappears.

One way to deconstruct this detrimental perfectionism is to start by consciously celebrating your mistakes. Invite yourself to honor your imperfections. Soon you'll see that they are not imperfections after all, but a part of the wholeness of a growing, maturing being.

I am a recovering perfectionist myself. I wasn't even aware of it, but I strove to be perfect in every way. I judged myself for every mistake. I worried that others would see I was not always perfect. I compared myself to people I thought were perfect. Then one day, my friend Gini started to point out the toll my perfectionism was taking from me. She started gently teasing me whenever I tried to be perfect. Gradually, I learned to tease myself.

Later, during a journey to the pyramids in Teotihuacan, Mexico, I invited a group of students to share their worst-case scenarios—what their disaster mind told them was the truth. "No one is ever going to love me. I am unlovable." "I am broken. No matter how much I want to heal, I never will." "I am never going to be good enough." "If I am not perfect, no one will like me."

We agreed to tease each other for the rest of the day based on these fears.

"I know I'm not perfect and you're never going to like me, but can I walk with you?"

"Well, I'm broken, and I'm never going to heal, so I guess it's okay to be with someone imperfect like you."

"I knew it! I'm never going to be good enough to climb the pyramid. You all are so much stronger than I am. I can't do it."

"You're right; you're not good enough. But will you love me if I help you climb?"

It was incredibly freeing to see and admit our fears, and it felt powerful to make fun of them.

Honesty and humor are amazing antidotes for the disease of disaster mind. When you laugh at your own mind and find it silly, it loses its ferociousness. As the mind surrenders to supporting your whole being rather than being right about its old agreements, clarity emerges. The resulting awareness allows you to uncover the unconscious agreements that take you away from your center. You learn to discern the truth, rather than judge what you don't like.

To release the grip of perfectionism, practice praising yourself instead of punishing yourself when you make a mistake. Lovingly tease yourself for your striving, and remind yourself over and over again that the goal isn't to be perfect; the goal is to be whole.

## Pitfall 3: Unbalanced Responsibility

Another way you might get stuck in clouded vision is by being irresponsible or, on the flip side, by being overly responsible. Responsibility is tricky, and it takes a clear mind to find balance. You can stunt your own growth in two ways: by asking other people to carry you or by trying to constantly carry others. Pay attention to the situations in which you do not take responsibility for your own journey, but also notice when you do the opposite and take responsibility for someone else's journey.

Trust that when others fall down, they will figure out how to get themselves up again. You can always lend a hand, but sometimes the hand you lend is actually what is keeping them down. Share with them all of your love, support, faith, encouragement. But keep your focus on your own journey, on picking yourself up with love and faith, and letting others do the same for themselves.

Giving others the space to find their own feet is not easy. I experienced the importance of putting faith in other peoples ability to take responsibility for themselves through my interaction with one of my students when I lived in Berkeley, California.

Robert walked into the Toltec Center seeking community. He had recently moved from Arizona to California. For the first six months that I knew him, he struggled to find a place to live, to secure a job he liked, and to manage his finances. At first we were all happy to support his new life in Berkeley He borrowed money from several different people and slept on many couches. I let him take many classes for free or for work in trade.

His life continued to be chaotic. He constantly found and lost housing and jobs. After months of no real improvement, I inquired into his background. He owed many people money in Arizona and had basically tapped out his resources in his former community.

I called him, and we had a long talk about personal responsibility and the importance of creating stability for himself. I pointed out that we had supported him as best we could, but I now believed we were disempowering him by catching him every time he fell. I knew it would be hard, but we both agreed it was time for him to learn to catch himself.

Our community made an agreement to stop loaning him money. We encouraged him to focus completely on his physical foundation—to find a good living situation and a job that supported him.

It was challenging for me personally to tell him no. Each time Robert asked to borrow money, I invited him to rely on his own resources. At one point, he ended up in a homeless shelter, then lived in transitional housing. My judging mind kept telling me that I should be ashamed of not helping someone when I had the resources to do so, that I was hurting Robert, that I was a bad person. But I kept focusing on my greater desire to support Robert in a new way, to help him to take responsibility for his life.

Despite my fearful thoughts, I was able to consciously witness my mind throughout this process. This allowed me to stay open to Robert. I encouraged him to recreate his life by choosing a job he felt comfortable with and, as his spiritual practice, to put all his attention on keeping that job. Our community holding him in this new way helped Robert to realize that simply taking care of himself was the next right step on his path of transformation. He found a stable job and eventually located housing that he could afford and that nurtured him. He later thanked me for my support and faith in him, which, as he said, "was what I needed to take responsibility for my life and stop believing that I would only make it if other people saved me."

The gift for many in our community was learning to hold a clear vision of the possibility of change for Robert while not caretaking him. Today, Robert is working at a job he loves, taking photographs, and living his dream as an artist of his life rather than a victim of circumstances.

As you step beyond the mental pitfalls of judgment, perfectionism, and unbalanced responsibility, you will begin to tap the well of creativity within your mind. When your mind no longer believes it needs to control you or anyone else, it will relax and do its actual job: visioning and manifesting the life you want to live.

## Becoming the Artist of Your Life

One of the things we associate with true artistry is freedom. When you judge, try to be perfect, or are overly responsible or irresponsible, you negatively polarize what you perceive and stay trapped in your self-constructed cell.

To shift your perception, consciously think of yourself as an artist and life and all that appears in front of you as your canvas. As an artist, you can use the gift of clear vision to see possibilities where you once would have seen only problems. Artists can look at a run-down shack and see beyond the debris to the gem within. To be clear, I'm not suggesting you ignore challenges and fantasize only about what could be, but instead learn to use clear vision to find creative solutions and opportunities and become excited about the work ahead.

With clear perception, you can see your life as a wonderful remodeling project-in-progress. Curiosity and a good dose of humor are the best tools for overhauling the serious, self-absorbed, modern mind. The art of seeing with new eyes will allow you to simply look at yourself and any situation that needs improvement and ask yourself, _What do I want to create here?_

You are a work in progress, and you have been trained to live outside your center—the place where Big Freedom resides. Wherever you are on your journey inward, be compassionate. Every time you judge or compare yourself to others, you are taking a step backward. Watch for it, but be kind to yourself, too. Remember, your choice is to be an artist who creates rather than a critic who destroys.

## Practices

I invite you to dive into the following practices, which are designed to expand your clear perception and connect you to the guidance of air. You will also find a guided meditation that will bring the first of the four elements in an embodied form to help you as a guide, in the same way they came to me in the Dream of the Elders.

## Mind Exploration

Spend a week noticing how you perceive yourself. What eyes do you use to watch yourself? What do you say to yourself, about yourself? Keep a record of your perceptions. You can use index cards, a little notebook, or even a tape recorder to capture your impressions in the moment. Do your best to witness, to be an explorer looking at new, fascinating terrain. There is nothing you need to do or change this week. You are simply gathering information.

If you find you are judging yourself for your perceptions, remember punctuation: "Period!" Stop any run-on sentences coming from your judging self. Pretend you are witnessing the mind of your dearest, most beloved friend. Bring all of your compassion and clarity to this task.

On a piece of paper, make three columns with these headers:

PERCEPTION | BASED ON | REWRITE

In the first column, take quick notes of what you perceive without thinking about or analyzing them. For example,

  * I'm going to be late for work. I am bad.
  * I hate my hair.
  * I look old.
  * I am excited about my date tonight, but what if he doesn't like me?
  * I'm tired of this job.
  * Maria is selfish and uncaring.
  * I am angry at myself for not standing up for myself.
  * I wish I were more like Brian.
  * I'm afraid of losing my job and my home.

At the end of each day, go over your notes and mark in the second column which comments support you and take you toward your center and which are based on fear, judgment, comparison, feeling victimized, and so on. Note if you see any core agreements that might stem from old childhood beliefs. What are you really saying to yourself?

Now go through your list again. In the third column, write a new perception. It might feel clumsy, but do it anyway. You might find that you write the exact same words, but the energy of the words is very different. Can you discern and support rather than judge? Take responsibility for how you feel.

Remember, this is an exercise to track old beliefs and current ways of thinking. It is a way for you to look at your mind and notice where you can shift your perception. Of course, you can use this exercise to make yourself suffer more by reinforcing the voice of your inner judge, but I hope you can use it as an exploration of how to transform negative mind through your true artistry. Please do your best to witness and be curious.

## Connecting to the Air Element

The shift from disaster mind to clear perception is made up of a million little acts of awareness, combined with the action of shifting your focus over and over again. Consciously connecting with the element of air will support you in making this shift. This practice invites the power of air to bring clear vision to your life.

Start by going through your home and opening every window. Invite the wind to blow in and clear out any old habitual perceptions and cyclical thoughts. Feel the freedom of the wind as it blows unbounded throughout your home. As you open each window, say out loud what you would like to shift in your perception. Here are some examples:

  * "I invite the wind in to blow away my fears about the future and to remind me to slow down and come back to enjoying the present moment."
  * "As I open this window, I open to a new perspective in my life."
  * "May the winds of change breathe new vision into my life. I release my judgmental thoughts and invite clarity."

You can repeat one sentence over and over again at each window, or you can say something different each time. You might even write down your sentences and tape them to one or more windowsills, so that in the future, each time you open the window, you are reminded of your new perception.

As you do this practice, keep your awareness in the present moment, and feel the wind moving through your house. Invite the wind to move through all the rooms, bringing fresh perspectives and blowing away any confusion, lack of vision, or tangled thoughts.

Stand in the middle of your home and breathe this fresh air into your being. Use your own connection to air, your breath, to release any stuck thoughts and bring yourself into the present moment. Intentionally breathe deeper clarity into your mind and body.

In the future, when you are feeling muddled or confused, go back to this feeling of the wind against your skin. Imagine opening a window inside of you and letting the air blow away the fear and judgments of disaster mind.

## Inner Guidance

Visualization is a great technique to help you create new pathways in the mind and body. When we visualize something in our minds, we energize it and make it real. We call on invisible forces to support and guide us. For centuries, shamans have used visualization and spiritual journeying to connect with sacred allies.

To further support yourself, I also suggest building a physical altar in your space to represent your journey. To start, choose an object to represent your centered self (e.g., a candle, a paper crane, or a pocket-size sculpture). Place it on a flat surface and surround it with a circle of stones to represent the embracing circle of stones in your vision. For each of the four elements, I'll also prompt you to add a symbol of that element outside the circle after you've completed your visualization exercise. So your altar will grow as you progress on your path, with talismans to visually remind you of your progress so far.

## Air Visualization for Clear Perception

This visualization is a powerful way to bring the teachings from the Dream of the Elders I described into your own life. You will call on a guardian from each of the four elements—air, fire, water, and earth—to remind you of the new qualities you are embodying and guide you on your journey toward Big Freedom. Your first guardian is from the element of air. From air you learn the art of clear perception—the right use of your mind.

Make your body comfortable and take some deep breaths into your belly.

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a stone circle. This circle encompasses and holds every part of you in its embrace. Facing one direction, ask for guidance and vision from the element of air to help you perceive yourself clearly.

Next, extend an invitation to an air guide to join you and help you see with new eyes. Be open to the many ways that guide may appear. Your air guide may be an animal, a person you know, or a stranger. It may be a quiet voice in your head or a knowing in your body. If it does not emerge immediately, be gentle with yourself. Know that your guardian of air may not come to you right away, but may arrive later in a dream or in the middle of your day. The wind may come to whisper in your ear. Pray for guidance and support from your air guide as you dissolve your old ways of seeing and being and open to clear perception.

When you feel complete, ask for a symbol to represent this new anchor, and in your imagination place it as a marker of one direction in your stone circle. Let this symbol remind you of the benefits of cleansing. Then imagine the circle dissolving.

Now that you have called in the guardian of air, pick an object to represent this guardian and place it just outside the circle of your physical altar. This might be a feather, or a pair of glasses, or any object that pleases you and that represents your new vision. You will do this for each of your guardians in the following chapters, so set your intent to use all of the elements and their gifts to guide you through your fears and old beliefs, through disaster mind, and back to your center.

# THREE

# Fire: The Art of Cleansing

_Clearing What No Longer Serves You_

_All the means of action—the shapeless masses—the
materials—lie everywhere about us. What we need is
the celestial fire to change the flint into transparent
crystal, bright and clear. That fire is genius!_

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

As the second element in our circle, fire represents an invitation to cleanse, or to burn away, all that no longer serves you.

The importance of cleansing your mind of outdated beliefs, judgments, and fears is shared by almost all spiritual and psychological paths, and it is central in our quest for freedom. When we take a moment to really investigate what's inside us, we are often surprised by the amount of old debris we have accumulated over time. This chapter will teach you how to identify and cleanse your inner being of anything that is keeping you from experiencing Big Freedom.

One of the biggest things that often needs investigating and cleansing is our accumulation of agreements, especially the unconscious agreements you made as a child. Let's take a moment to define again what an agreement is in this context. An agreement is a mental commitment to an idea, most often the result of something we experienced or an idea that is supplied to us by someone else. Once we "agree" with the idea or determine that our past experience represents "the truth," it becomes one of our beliefs. In many cases we don't realize that our beliefs are simply ideas that we agree with, but instead we accept them as "the way things really are." In this way, we forget that we have a choice in making our agreements.

Here are a few common agreements that many of us hold in Western society. Most often these are made unconsciously in our youth:

  * Your worth as a person is largely determined by your job, how much money you have, or your material possessions.
  * You need to be skinny and look a certain way to be considered attractive.
  * What other people think of you is important, and you must mold or change yourself to meet their approval.
  * Time, energy, and resources are finite.

If you don't take time to regularly clear out these agreements as you grow and change, the resulting beliefs hold you back from living your best life possible. In addition, you will begin to perceive the world in ways that reinforce your beliefs. For example, "This person is skinny and cute, so that's why they are in a happy relationship," or "This person is rich and that's how I want to be," or "Because I made this mistake in my past, I will never be able to have the life I really want."

Here's the challenge: even if we can see that old agreements like the ones listed above are flawed, _even when we realize they aren't true_ , they can still be very difficult to break. As a result, we can consciously or unconsciously judge ourselves for not living up to our flawed agreements, and then we wonder why we're so unhappy.

In my own case, when I first started witnessing my thoughts, I was horrified by what I found. I noticed I had heaps of judgment, fear, and outdated beliefs in my unconscious. I spent a great deal of time feeling bad about myself. Eventually, I saw that any time I spent judging myself was like tracking mud all over my house while complaining loudly about the dirt. That's why the cleansing practice comes after the practice of clear perception—because seeing things clearly allowed me to take off my muddy shoes first, then investigate what I wanted to keep in my house and what I wanted to clear away.

In my case, there were three main areas I needed to burn away with the element of fire:

**1. Old agreements/beliefs:** I found many things I assumed to be true were in fact simply ideas that I could choose to believe or let go.

**2. Past actions and traumatic experiences:** Many life-altering actions or experiences from my past served to reinforce the limiting beliefs I carried. If we have experienced a past sexual assault, divorce, death of a loved one, or "failure" at a job or school, there are probably a host of big and little ways these kinds of events still pop up and affect our present. The result is that we are living trapped instead of free.

**3. Fear:** Combine items 1 and 2 and you usually experience some level of fear. But fear can also arise from someplace else: an underlying belief that we are not worthy. Whether it is subtle or extreme, fear keeps us from going after what we really want in life. Fear keeps us feeling trapped, settling instead of going for it, and it is the number one block to Big Freedom. Although fear may never leave us entirely, what I've found is that it can become our biggest ally instead of our worst enemy, as it shows us where we need to look deeper within ourselves.

It's likely that the work you did to develop clarity of vision in the last chapter uncovered similar issues in your own life. Now that you see them clearly, however, you can begin the important work of purging these unhelpful agreements with the brightly burning power of cleansing fire.

## Opening the Door to Cleansing

Imagine yourself as a house that you keep fairly clean for the benefit of the outside world. By keeping your house clean, you get approval and acceptance from those around you. Of course, every house has a closet, and into yours you stuff everything that you do not like about yourself: all the old agreements, judgmental inner voices, traumatic memories, and unhelpful behaviors.

When you invite people over, perhaps you are friendly until they get anywhere near your closet. "Don't open that!" you say with a threatening look. You do not want anyone to see what lurks behind the closed doors.

On the other hand, maybe you are a person who invites others over and immediately drags them to your closet. "Look at all of this! Can you believe it? It is so awful!" Perhaps comparing yourself to others and complaining about what's in your overflowing closet have become part of your identity.

The first step to successful closet cleaning is your commitment to take action. It is not enough to think cleansing is a good idea; you must be willing to go the distance. Through clear vision, you begin to see how your old agreements, stories, and fears are causing you to suffer. You stop blaming others (and yourself!) for any of it, and you see clearly that changing yourself is the only way to find the Big Freedom you so desire. This is actually a great relief, because the truth is that the only thing you can change is you.

Commitment doesn't mean that you know exactly what and how to clean; it simply means that you are ready to explore and learn as you go along and that you are ready to pull everything out of the closet so that you can see what is inside.

This is where many people stumble. That's because taking an inventory of what's in your closet can be overwhelming. Your first reaction might be to blame others ("If my parents had only been better . . .") or judge yourself ("See, I've totally screwed my life up. No one else could possibly have this much baggage . . ."). Doing either of these can tempt you to look around and say, "Okay, this is not going to work!" You might even try to shove everything back into the closet and shut the door.

This is when it's time to call in the gift of clear perception again. If you open the doors to your closet and your perception is still trapped in disaster mind, all you will be able to see is the chaos. Instead of cleansing, you will judge what is inside and end up creating even more dirt.

But clearing out what no longer serves you will inevitably include some not-so-pleasant thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations—ones that you have experienced in the past and stashed away. You may initially feel out of control and overwhelmed or be unclear about what is yours and what is not. This is all a natural part of cleansing old patterns, and the truth is that some of them die hard.

When your mind is clear, you can look on the chaos with a sense of wonder and compassion: "Wow, that is in my closet?" Your clear mind notices what you judge and what you feel victimized by, without believing either assessment. Instead of becoming depressed at the piles of behaviors you have pulled into the light, you channel your inner artist and become excited to reclaim what is real and leave the rest behind.

When your thoughts are laid out in front of you, you can begin to sort through what belongs to you and what does not. Following the closet analogy, you will find old clothes that do not fit you anymore and old beliefs that do not serve you. You will find things others gave you that you never really liked, but you did not know how to refuse. As an artist, you can cultivate a new attitude toward what you find—"Check this out! What an interesting thing to believe!"—instead of, "I'm a failure. Look at this mess. It proves I am bad."

Remember that you spent your entire lifetime acquiring these items. The cleansing process takes time and repeated intentional action. Sometimes it is necessary to bring in a friend, confidant, or professional to guide you through the places where you are stuck. Finding and surrounding yourself with a community of like-minded friends can make the work of clearing easier and more enjoyable.

After you witness through the clear eyes of air, the element of fire is about action. You are consciously burning away what is no longer true for you. You will likely find that once you get started, you will uncover untapped stores of happiness, energy, and integrity. It's also important to note that there is no finish line here, no matter how much your inner perfectionist would like to do this right and be done forever. This inner cleansing is no different in some ways than doing laundry or bathing—that is, it's not something you do once in your life and then it is over. Cleansing is a practice.

## Beware the Gremlins!

One of the games I use to bring humor to the sometimes intense work of clearing is to personalize the forces that thwart change. I visualize them as small, green gremlins.

Gremlins are the watchdogs of your old agreements, beliefs, and fears, and they will do anything to keep them intact. As you sort and clean your closet, gremlins will whisper and shout at you to distract you from your task. However, gremlins can also serve as your biggest allies, because without fail they will lead you to where you most need to go. When one of them shows up shouting, "Don't go that way!" or whispering words of fear in your ear, you know you are actually on the right track. In this way, the gremlins are leading you toward your own Big Freedom.

What follows is a list of some different kinds of gremlins. As you clean your inner closet, keep an eye out for gremlins that disguise themselves as your friends. Listen to them not for the truth they speak (they're prone to lie), but for the information they reveal.

**Defensiveness:** When you are clean, there is nothing to prove; you just are. If you notice yourself defending a particular viewpoint or belief, pay attention. Often a gremlin is protecting its territory. The statement "I am right!" is a sure sign of this gremlin.

**Needing to look good:** This is a corollary to defending. To not look bad, most of us tend to defend our actions. If you feel your image is at stake or that you need to hustle to gain approval or respect, pay attention. A gremlin is present. What agreement is prompting your protective action?

**Fear:** As you get closer to cleaning out big agreements and structures, the gremlins of fear will arise, shaking and moaning. Often these reveal you are on the right track. Fear gremlins appear real, but they are really more like smoke—easy to walk through once you get up the courage to do so. A fear gremlin might say, "You are never going to fix this," or, "You are never going to be good enough." You can respond, "I am afraid, but I can do this anyway because I am enough."

**Being overwhelmed:** As you clear out layers of debris and old agreements, you uncover the core foundations that keep you trapped. Gremlins will jump in and wave their wands in front of your eyes: "There is too much debris here. Why even bother?" At such moments, instead of looking at all the things you need to do, simply look at the next item. It can be helpful to make a list of baby steps that you can check off as you go. Remember, you are cleaning dirt that took years to accumulate; it won't be done in a day. Pace yourself, do one thing at a time, and take breaks when needed. Keep your awareness intact so that you can tell the difference between taking a break for rest and renewal and calling a time-out to spend in wallowing and regret.

**Huge emotions:** Gremlins sometimes will get in and stir, stir, stir all your emotions. If you are having an emotional reaction that is out of proportion with the situation or appears out of nowhere, slow down and take a couple of deep breaths. Look beyond the current situation to earlier events, and consider that these big emotions might be a good sign that you are loosening the grip of old agreements.

**Projecting:** This is a favorite gremlin tactic. It most often takes two forms: 1) You see and judge the things you do not like about others, not realizing that you see these things in yourself. This is what is meant by the phrase, "Other people are our mirror." 2) You project that other people are seeing and judging all those things you don't like about yourself. The gremlins are delighted when they can get you to project onto someone else or against yourself. For example, "My aunt thinks I'm not smart enough to be a real success." In reality, your aunt might be supportive of you, but her support is veiled by the negative self-judgment that you project onto her because of her honesty in helping you identify your obstacles.

**Overcompensating:** This is what I call the pendulum tactic. One gremlin whispers, "You are too nice!" so you get mean. Later the gremlin whispers, "You are too mean!" When you are off-center and heading back to balance, a gremlin will invite you to overcompensate, so that you become off-balance in exactly the opposite way.

These are just a few examples of the gremlins that can pop up as you begin your inner clearing. But the truth is that gremlins are actually fabulous helpers in your inner cleansing, because as they barge in, they are guiding you to the messiest spots. Thank the gremlins when they appear, instead of cursing them. Watching for your gremlins as you clean will prepare you for the next steps on your journey—short-term and long-term cleansing.

## Two Types of Cleansing

There are also two types of cleansing I'd like you to experiment with. The first is what I call the short-term cleanse, which can help you come back to your center when old fears and agreements pop up during the day. The second is the long-term cleansing, which is best done at designated times so you can clean the more deeply held beliefs that will need lots of scrubbing.

In my own case, I discovered the need for short-term cleansing while visiting a bookstore in Berkeley several decades ago. It was a lazy day, and I was engaged in one of my favorite activities—browsing through books. I hung out in the self-help section, reading titles, enjoying the colors and texture of covers and paper, flipping through the books that looked interesting.

But as I left the store and returned to my car, I noticed that my energy level had plummeted. I felt miserable, and I didn't know why. _What changed?_ I thought to myself. I stopped everything and sat in my car, tracking back to figure out what had happened.

Moving backward in time, I noticed how joyous I had been in the bookstore. As I witnessed more deeply, I saw myself in front of the self-help books and heard a subtle, distant voice that I had not noticed in the moment: "Look at all these books. All these people have been published. You are never going to write a book. And if you do, no one will read it. Everything has been written already. You don't have what it takes to write."

As I became quiet within myself, I made space for what was troubling me to arise and present itself. And by bringing this voice into my conscious mind, I was able to cleanse it by not believing it. I knew that it was connected to deeper fears, but at that moment all I needed to do was clear out that old thought and go on with my day. I told myself, "You will write many books because your heart wants to." My energy lifted, I felt happy again, and off I went.

In my mind, I made a little note. I had just done a short-term cleansing around the fear of not achieving my dreams. Underneath this was a deeper fear, which I put in my long-term cleansing pile. This pile stemmed back to one big fear: not getting approval and, ultimately, not being loved.

I helped myself in two ways that day. The first way was by paying attention to my energy and clearing out a disaster mind thought. The second way was by witnessing that my fear of not being published was a larger part of my structure, related to needing outside validation.

Before tackling long-term cleansing, it helps to develop the skill of short-term cleansing. I was able to clear out my disaster mind thoughts in the moment and enjoy the rest of my day because of years of practice with short-term cleansing, which includes the general picking up, dusting, and washing of everyday life. Long-term cleansing entails larger renovations that take dedicated focus, space, and resources.

## Short-Term Cleansing

When you cleanse something with fire, you burn away the debris and clutter that hides the essence of the truth. Fear and self-doubt are clutter. They will continue to arise as you make new choices. With every new action you take, you open a door of possibility within yourself. Behind that door lies not only your integrity but also any fears you stashed there as a child.

When you picture your energetic structure as a house, you can see how the nooks and crannies can get dirty. When you are not looking, dust bunnies grow under the beds, and dirt piles up in unexpected places.

Short-term cleansing is about watching where you collect dirt in your system and dedicating a little time each day clearing it out.

Imagine if you washed your dishes or your car one time and said, "Okay, I'm done with that job. I never have to do it again." It wouldn't be long before you realized you needed regular cleaning to keep these items looking and feeling their best. The same is true for your insides, as both your external world and your internal world need daily cleansing and polishing. You know the importance of brushing your teeth daily and washing your hands on a regular basis. Your inner being is no different. It, too, accumulates dirt and grime from use.

Here is an example of how clutter and dirt can arise. If you have an old story that states "my mother doesn't love me," which over time has transformed into "I am not lovable," then each time you encounter a situation that generates the "I am not lovable" belief, it creates a negative emotional reaction within you. You might see two people embracing and subtly or even unconsciously think, "See, they have love, but I do not, because I am not lovable." The place within you that feels unlovable now has even more dirt piled on top of it.

One way to notice dirt accumulating in your system is that your energy will decrease. If you find yourself feeling drained or exhausted for no apparent reason (i.e., you didn't just leave the gym), then pay attention to what you've been thinking and believing. This is the time to stop and check in with yourself: "Is there something I need to clear in this moment?"

Staying with the example of the couple embracing, let's see how you can do a short-term cleanse. Let's say that you notice your energy drops or that you feel overcome with negativity, and you trace it back to witnessing the happy couple and notice how you subtly judged yourself for not being in a relationship.

Now, imagine disconnecting your experience from the couples. You are having an experience based on your own dirt, not their reality. Bless them, and take responsibility for cleaning up inside you. Next, imagine yourself burning away the fear, sadness, anger, or any other negative emotion that is arising within you. Really see the fire energy picking up and consuming those feelings. The more real you make the image, the more effective it will be.

Now invite a new thought to creatively shape what you do. Tap into your inner artist, and see what else is true for you in this moment. You may realize, "Oh, that's right; I am choosing not to be in a relationship right now!" or "I miss being intimate with someone. I'm going to ask my best friend for a hug and to go for a walk with me," or "I'd like to be in a relationship with someone, and I trust that the universe will create this when the time is right."

Notice how this process of identifying the issue and taking steps to cleanse it can restore your energy and sense of happiness in the moment. This is the benefit of short-term cleansing; it invites you back into the freedom of the moment.

As you continue to pay attention to your thoughts, you will learn about what type of dirt you tend to collect. Most of us have recurring themes that continue to need cleansing. As you get to know yourself better, you can use this information to be watchful of what areas need regular cleaning. You may also find that once you regularly cleanse a certain problem area, over time it needs less and less attention.

Lastly, remember that there may be a gap between a reaction you have, your perception of it, and the awareness that something needs to be cleansed. For my bookstore incident, my ability to locate and clean my negative perceptions quickly was an acquired skill. Prior to this breakthrough, it would often taken hours or even days before I noticed that my energy was low and I was judging myself or feeling victimized. The practices at the end of this chapter will help you learn about your patterns and improve your short-term cleansing abilities. They will also help you prepare for your long-term cleansing projects.

## Long-Term Cleansing

The larger agreements you have carried for years can take longer to dissolve, and for this reason I suggest setting aside time just for this purpose. Schedule a morning or afternoon date with yourself to look at some of these larger issues and make a plan for cleansing them.

Long term means long term. Put things in perspective by counting up how many years you have been acting from a core belief in your life. If you have lived your life believing that you are not lovable, or that you're not worthy, or that you don't deserve happiness, it will take some time to clean out all the manifestations of these beliefs.

Here's a great example of a long-term cleansing project. As my friend Melanie committed to this journey of finding her own Big Freedom, she realized that one major block to experiencing it was that she was terrified of disappointing people. Melanie always thought that her desire to be nice was a natural trait that allowed her to get along well with all types of people. But as she began to look deeper, she saw that being "nice" all the time was actually a fearful attempt to stay in control so that others wouldn't get upset with her.

When Melanie first realized her niceness was a cover-up for her fear, she dedicated herself to cleaning all the places in which she didn't speak her truth for fear of people's reactions. "I realized I avoided conflict by always trying to say what I thought the other person wanted to hear. I had done this for so long that in certain situations _I didn't even know what was true for me anymore."_ This was definitely a long-term cleansing project.

So that she wouldn't get overwhelmed, Melanie started small and picked one relationship from which to start clearing her old agreements and patterns: a coworker who was often frustrated with her. Each day Melanie would pay attention to whether she was being nice as a deflection or from a genuine place.

"As I watched myself with my coworker, I found many additional agreements that fed my fears of disappointing others," Melanie said. "There were agreements that I wasn't good enough, that other people always knew better than I did, that others' opinions were more valuable than mine, that if I shared my truth I would get in trouble or others wouldn't like me."

Through her increased awareness and by journaling about each different agreement, Melanie was able to start separating out the different strands from the tangle of her stories. She could then clean them one at a time. Two of the main long-term cleaning tools she used were recapitulation, a shamanic technique of reclaiming energy from the past that we will explore in the practices section of this chapter, and learning to consistently be open and breathe through her fear of disapproval. As she used these tools repeatedly, over time her desire to be authentic overcame her old fears of disappointing others.

One way to find areas that need long-term cleaning is to notice when you make the behavior of others a condition for your own personal freedom. Anytime you hear yourself making internal statements such as, "If only my boss would appreciate the hard work I do," or "If only my spouse would listen to me," or "If only the world weren't such a messed-up place," you are placing your own freedom in the hands of others. This isn't Big Freedom. How could it be, when you are handing the keys over to someone else? Remember that any condition you place on your happiness is the result of a deeper belief that needs to be cleansed, such as the belief that you aren't enough (which is one of the most prevalent beliefs in our society today). You can begin to unearth and burn away this belief by taking responsibility for your own reaction to any situation in your life. This takes your freedom out of the hands of others and places it back where it belongs, squarely on your own shoulders. Here are a few examples of this in action:

  * "If only my boss would appreciate the hard work I do" becomes "I appreciate the hard work I do. It makes me feel accomplished."
  * "If only my spouse would listen to me" becomes "I want to listen to myself and take action on my own hearts desire."
  * "If only the world weren't such a messed-up place" becomes "Even with all of its problems, the world is a beautiful place. What is one thing I can do today to make it better?"

When you take responsibility for your agreements, reactions, and opinions, you see that your responses about others needing to change are often cover-ups for where you need to change, move on, or accept the world as you find it. When you look deeper, you may also find that many of your emotional reactions to current events have nothing at all to do with the present situation, but are governed by something you need to clean up from the past.

Related to the above, I also encourage you to be wary of the trap of attempting to clean up other people's stuff. For some of us this may be the first area of long-term cleaning—pulling your energy back to your own home, taking responsibility for what is yours to clean, and respecting others enough to allow them to do their own cleaning (or not do it). It can be easy to notice that your partner, your boss, or your parents have full closets of issues, and these can make for a nice distraction from looking at your own, but the truth is that other people's issues are not yours to clean and you couldn't do so anyway. Sure, if they invite you to share what you see, do so with utmost love and respect. Then create the space and encouragement for them to do their own cleansing. When it comes to Big Freedom, everyone is responsible for claiming his or her own work.

## Cleansing as Art, Cleansing as Prayer

To support long-term and short-term cleansing takes a conscious shift in attitude. Rather than seeing your internal cleansing as a chore, you can bring a sense of sacredness to your cleansing practice, viewing it as a form of art and as an act of prayer.

Think of how you clean your physical home as an example. When dirty dishes pile up, do you put on music and dance while you do them, or do you wash them grudgingly, wishing they would go away? Do you value the time in your life that it takes to keep your external world neat and clean, or do you rush around, always a little behind and resenting the task? Notice how this same energy can be reflected in your internal cleansing.

Having patience and remembering the old mantra "progress, not perfection" are key to keeping your energy positive. If you have been triggered by something and are emotionally stirred up, it will work better if you allow the dust to settle and the emotions to simmer down so that you can see clearly what needs to be cleaned. Patience will guide you to the right use of action.

Cleansing of all forms can be an act of prayer. Each time I wash my dishes or scrub the floors, I honor the power of cleaning and am grateful for all the gifts in my life. Every time I place soap on my body, I notice my hands and my breath and link it to the cleansing I am doing in my mind. Even when housecleaning feels overwhelming, I start at one spot of a room and bless each object I touch. The same is true for my inner cleansing. Instead of looking at the whole, I focus on the one area of this moment and keep working until it is completed—all in gratitude.

Cleansing can also be an art form. Imagine that your life story is the most beautiful work of art and cleansing is a way of adding detail and refinement to your work, of repainting and restoring the masterpiece. As any artist will tell you, the joy is often found in the creative work itself rather than in marveling at the finished piece. Your life is a work of art, and we catch hold of freedom through the daily practice of making it.

Lastly, I invite you to be grateful for your old agreements and beliefs even as you cleanse them, because whether you like them or not, they have served you in some way. You adopted them to help you comprehend and manage your world, and they have served their purpose. While you cleanse your old agreements and beliefs, thank them for all the ways that they have served you, and then dismantle them piece by piece. Wash off the dirt of your judgments and release the need for things to be other than they are. To avoid being overwhelmed by the enormity of your task, keep your focus on one area, clear as much as you can, and move on. Gratitude and perseverance are the best forms of elbow grease there are. Explore the beauty and perfection of what you are cleansing as you release it.

As you clear and clean, treat yourself like a beloved child who, after a long day of play, returns home covered in mud and with hair full of snarls and stickers. With all of your compassion, patience, and gentle care, sit yourself down and begin to wash off the mud and comb out the tangles. Beneath the dirt and ratty hair lies a precious child, ready to love, open, and explore life.

## Practices

I invite you to dive into the following practices, which are designed to help you harness your energy to clear whatever is no longer serving you. You will also find a guided meditation that will bring the second of the four elements into an embodied form to help you as a guide, in the same way they came to me in the Dream of the Elders.

## Recapitulation

One of the most powerful shamanic cleansing techniques I know is the Toltec tool of recapitulation. It is a simple technique based on breathing and a focused will, and its purpose is to reclaim energy that has been lost during past interactions.

Recapitulation is a form of conscious cleansing that frees you from the energetic filaments that connect you to past events of your life. These energetic ties take you out of the moment, because whenever you experience similar circumstances in the present moment, these threads are activated again and work to pull you into the past. Recapitulation releases these links to past events and reclaims this energy.

While there are different ways to do recapitulation, most all of them include three important parameters: 1) establishing a safe, comfortable, non-distracting space; 2) setting your intent or will to reclaim your energy; and 3) using your breath to pull in and reclaim energy. The version I share here I learned from my friend Laurence Andrews.

Find a distraction-free and comfortable space, and start by getting clear on where you want the extra energy you will gather to go. For example, you can say, "My intent is I want to be more loving," or "My intent is to be more at peace." It is important that you have a focus, for the energy you'll be calling back from the past.

Once you've set your intent, call to mind a difficult situation you experienced in the past and how it affected you. This could be from your childhood, but it doesn't have to be. It could be something that happened this week. For example, any instance when you felt betrayed or lied to, or an instance when you felt embarrassed or humiliated, can steal your energy and continue to generate negative emotions within you every time you think about the event or see something that reminds you of it.

Next, while either sitting or lying down comfortably, let your mind go back to the event. Envision the circumstances, people, and places of your day as clearly as possible, without getting attached to the emotional aspects of each scene. Take a deep inhale and as you do, imagine you are breathing in your energy from this scene. Visualize your energy returning to you in the form of breath or feel the energy coming into your body—or both. Make your breath audible. One great technique is to imagine yourself as a vacuum cleaner, inhaling your energy out of the scene. You might see the energy itself as golden filaments or bits of warm light. Pay attention to the energy returning to your body, and notice where it lands. It might feel like an opening in your chest, a sharp tingling in your throat, or renewed strength in your legs. Do not get caught in analyzing. Simply breathe in your energy.

As you exhale, breathe out any energy you took from someone else or any faulty agreements you made at the time. (Remember, all this work is done with love, so if you begin to feel judgmental or angry, shift to recapitulating something that is not as painful emotionally.) Imagine breathing in your energy and breathing back out any energy you may have taken on that does not belong to you. If you feel that you sent out some negative energy in the past, you can practice breathing this in and then breathing it down to the ground beneath you, letting the earth transform this old energy. Continue to breathe and visualize, drawing in your lost energy and releasing anything that doesn't belong to you or that you no longer wish to keep.

Recapitulation can last for just a few minutes, or it can go longer if needed. The length of time isn't as important as maintaining your focus. As other thoughts pop into your head (and they surely will), gently return your awareness to your breath and your intent. The audible breath will help you with this. When you feel complete, take three final deep breaths, and visualize that you are using light to clear out anything that does not belong to you in this moment.

While you may need to do more than one session on a specific event, over time you will come to a place where you can think about the event without feeling any negativity as a result. That's when you know that the event no longer has any hold over you. As you continue this practice, you will feel an increase of energy in your body. You can also do mini-recapitulation sessions in the evening to reclaim energy lost from experiences earlier in the day. Remember the keys: make your space, set your intent, and consciously breathe back your energy.

## Connecting to the Element of Fire

Cleansing means letting go of the past and embracing the present moment. Here is a short practice for connecting the element of fire and the art of cleansing. It is especially potent after recapitulation.

Read through the gremlin tactics again. On five small pieces of paper, write down five ways you sabotage, distract, or limit yourself. As you write them down, phrase them in the form of gratitude. For example: "Thank you for constantly projecting my fears that other people will not like me."

Hold your papers in your hand and close your eyes. Ask yourself if you are really ready to let go of these tactics. If you are, thank them out loud one by one. This honors that the gremlins' initial intent was to keep you safe and lets them know that you are now ready to live another way.

Find a safe place to burn the slips of paper. Before you do, read aloud your words or sentences of thanks, and then after doing so say out loud, "I now release you to the fire of transformation," and feed them into the cleansing flame. Feel the warmth and light of the fire within you consuming these old beliefs as you watch the papers turn into ash.

## Inner Guidance

We're going to continue creating new pathways in the mind and body with the following visualization. Remember, when we visualize something in our minds, we energize it and make it real. We call on invisible forces to support and guide us, in the way the shamans have used visualization and spiritual journeying to connect with sacred allies.

## Fire Visualization for Renewal

This visualization is a powerful way to bring the teachings from the Dream of the Elders into your own life. You will call on a guardian to remind you of the new qualities you are embodying and guide you on your journey toward Big Freedom. Your second guardian is from the element of fire. From fire you learn the art of inner cleansing—the right use of action.

Make your body comfortable and take some deep breaths into your belly.

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of a stone circle. This circle encompasses and holds every part of you in its embrace. Facing one direction, ask for guidance and vision from the element of fire to help you clear old agreements and make way for new growth.

Next, extend an invitation to a fire guide to join you and support you in taking responsibility for cleansing your structure. Be open to the many ways that guide may appear. Your fire guide may be an animal, a person you know, or a stranger. It may be a quiet voice in your head or a knowing in your body. Your guardian of fire may not come to you immediately, but may arrive later in a dream or while you are in the middle of your day. Pray for the power to clean the toughest dirt and most entrenched agreements with grace and joy.

When you feel complete, ask for a symbol to represent this new commitment, and in your imagination place it as a marker of one direction in your stone circle. Let this symbol remind you of the benefits of cleansing. Then imagine the circle dissolving.

Now that you have called in the guardian of fire, pick an object to represent this guardian and place it just outside the circle in your physical altar: a piece of palo santo or other cleansing incense, a match, or any object that pleases you and that represents your new vision. Set your intent to use all of the elements and their gifts wisely to guide you through cleansing your old structure and coming to center in your authentic self.

# FOUR

# Water: The Art of Opening

# _Making Room for Flow_

_When one door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often we look so long at the closed door that we
do not see the one which has been opened for us_.

—Helen Keller

Your journey to Big Freedom began with the practices of clearing your vision through the gift of air and cleansing your inner being with the gift of fire. The third elemental aspect is all about learning to be open to whatever life brings, which is a gift of water. Flowing water is a potent symbol for this type of openness, and our goal here is to use its energy to dissolve any areas that are stuck or jammed within us.

Many religions use water as a means to purify and open to spirit. Before entering the mosque to pray, Muslims respectfully wash their hands and feet. Christians are baptized to purify themselves and open to accept God. Many shamanic traditions use water to create sacred space before a ceremony. When we align with the element of water, we connect with many practices of purification and opening of channels to prepare for something new.

The extent to which we can open ourselves to whatever life brings runs in correlation to our experience of Big Freedom. Opening allows us to release assumptions, provides the opportunity for miracles to occur, and makes room for the universe to step in and assist us in ways we can't imagine. It frees what is no longer useful and expands us beyond the known.

This type of openness means you are not only opening to the things you like, but also learning to open to the things you dislike. When things feel good or you get what you desire, it may not take a lot of effort to stay open. (Although sometimes our gremlins will show up even in the best of times, asking us, "who do you think you are, to deserve this?") Overall, it is much more difficult to stay open to difficult situations or emotions.

As you learn to stay present and open with both the "good" and the "bad," you create space for magic to occur. When things go "wrong," your disaster mind can come up with all sorts of reasons that things shouldn't be the way they are and yell in your ear that they will only get worse. But Big Freedom invites you to look the situation in the eye and ask, "How is this better than what I had planned?" This kind of openness is grounded in welcoming the present moment as we find it.

To be clear, being open doesn't mean you become a doormat and accept people or situations that violate your boundaries or take advantage of you. Openness does not diminish your power to effect change in yourself or the world. In fact, openness points to an attitude of surrender and acceptance that will fortify you as you work to change what you can.

Furthermore, in those situations that can't be changed, openness invites you to align with what is and frees you from burning up energy believing that things could be any other way than they are at this moment. Fighting something that is not within your power to change keeps you trapped in a prison of your own making. Opening is not a passive mood of discouraged acceptance toward your inner world or outer reality. It is a courageous internal movement of trust in the unfolding of life.

Water invites us to be open in ways large and small. For example, let's say you have a picnic planned for the park one afternoon, and suddenly it begins to rain. You can complain about the rain all you want and wish it weren't happening, but that's not going to change it. Or you can be open to the fact that it's raining, thank the water for nourishing the earth, and look for a creative way to spend the afternoon instead.

In a larger example, I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with cancer. When her doctor told her the news, she watched her mind's initial reaction, which was one of intense anger and paralyzing fear.

But sensing she was heading down a deadend road, she turned her heart and mind toward opening. Rather than spend her energy in fear or arguing with reality, she immediately accepted the truth of the diagnosis and put all her energy and focus on treatment and everything she could do within her power to remove it. She was still afraid and still felt angry, but she opened space in herself for something more. She wanted to live her life grounded in Big Freedom, not burdened and sapped by an internal fight against reality.

My friend's example is a powerful one, and I want to stress that she has been doing this inner work for years. Be gentle with yourself as you learn to be open. There's no reason to beat yourself up when the old habit of closure comes in. Remember, it's progress toward perfection. A great way to stay on this path is by learning how to be present with something we all experience every day and often try to shut down: our emotions.

## Dissolving What Is Stuck

We are feeling creatures, with rich and complex emotional lives. But so many of us have old, outdated agreements about emotions. We have been taught to hide some feelings or that certain emotions are inappropriate or even shameful to feel. The truth is that all emotions are a natural part of our human experience, and when we listen to them, they can teach us a lot about ourselves.

We have sometimes stuffed down or hidden our emotions because we were never taught how to express them in ways that make sense. Or perhaps when we have shared them in the past, others have been hurt as a result. The irony is that if we close off our emotions in an effort to protect others, it might well result in a backlash of emotional outburst, causing far more harm in the process. Our goal then is to learn how to be open to our emotions and express them in a way that is helpful rather than destructive.

I have a friend who repeats this mantra to her children when they are in the midst of tough feelings that might lead them to actions that are not okay: "All emotions can be accepted; certain actions must be limited." In other words, feeling jealousy is okay, but smacking your brother and swiping his toy? Not so much.

When you're working with the practice of opening more fully to your emotions, you may find that long-forgotten feelings will begin to arise. Your initial reaction may be to resist, to clamp down once again. After all, many of your most powerful agreements were forged as a response to uncomfortable feelings you experienced early on.

Many of us believe that if we keep our emotions shut off we will stay safe from feeling them, as if we could choose to only experience positive emotions while suppressing negative ones. For better or worse, emotion flows from a single spigot—there are no separate handles for "good" or "bad."

I also understand that the tactic of keeping your emotions dammed up may have once worked to some extent, and in some cases it may have even been necessary. When you were a child, maybe it allowed you to survive in unsafe emotional situations. But by the time we reach adulthood, this habit of closing down only adds to the walls of our internal prison. What once helped you survive the ups and downs of your childhood can manifest as negative beliefs and agreements as an adult if you don't learn to open and release them.

Using our example from earlier, let's say you experienced some trauma in your childhood that left you with the belief that your mother didn't love you or didn't care for you. If you push down the associated feelings of rejection and loss, they could emerge later in the belief that no one will ever really love you or that you are "unlovable."

Armed with this agreement, every time you find yourself in a relationship and feel loved, that new energy stirs to the surface all the mud of old emotions. Without awareness, you might unconsciously create drama to sabotage the relationship that is bringing you the love you need or doubt that the person who professes their love for you is being truthful. You may even blame your partner for your uncomfortable feelings. If your partner pulls back or gets upset as a result, you see this as a reinforcement of your belief that you are unlovable. See how that works?

I discovered this in my own life early in my apprenticeship with don Miguel Ruiz, author of _The Four Agreements_ and a leader in the Toltec shaman community. When I first began studying in the Toltec community, I prided myself on being tough, independent, and special. The truth is that I had deep-seated insecurities that I wasn't good enough and I was actually terrified of disapproval. None of this was clear to me at the time, but the result was that I would put on an image of toughness, try to take the lead on projects, and then quickly look around for others' approval, needing them to tell me I was doing well. I craved this approval to cover up old wounds from my childhood and the underlying belief that I was not good enough.

As a result of these buried stories and emotions, I would often spend the first two days of a workshop struggling with enormous resistance to any new information. What I realized later was that my old ideas were being threatened, insecurities and emotions from past experiences were coming up, and my reaction was to try to push all of this down further inside instead of being open and curious about it.

While I learned this about myself over a long period of time, one of my big breakthroughs occurred during a trip to Peru in the 1990s. My dear friend and mentor Gini was determined to support me in moving beyond my need to be seen as strong, independent, and special, as well as my need for approval. She hatched a plan with don Miguel and asked me to refrain from teaching or talking to anyone for the first five days of the trip; instead, from a place of silence, I was to focus on being in service to everyone on the journey.

At first I felt great. I practiced being of service, staying in the moment, and being open. That lasted for about a day. Then my old habits, beliefs, and suppressed emotions began to assert themselves. By day two, I was starting to feel unnoticed and resentful, even telling myself that Gini was taking advantage of me. My mind began to spin and come up with all sorts of outlandish scenarios. "Why is she really doing this to me? She is obviously trying to control me, to make me look bad." I bounced from self-criticism to severe judgment of Gini and others. But this time, I also knew deep down there was a lesson here somewhere, and my own resistance was keeping me from seeing what it was.

Then, one morning, Gini asked me to help her plan a ceremony with the group, something I normally love to do. But this time I exploded angrily at her, unleashing all my pent-up emotion at once. I was so furious that I think I actually cursed at Gini as I ran out the door. My gremlins were in full flight: "How dare she think she can ask me to be in silent service for days, and then add insult to injury by asking me to create a ceremony!"

Looking back, my strong reaction now seems comical. But at the time I was so pushed by my own need to be seen as independent and important, and receive confirmation of that from others, that I was blind to the fact that these were the issues causing my reaction. The truth was that there was no problem at all in this situation except for the ones I was creating by staying closed off to the agreements and emotions of my past. Unable to see that yet, I stormed out of the hotel and furiously walked into Machu Picchu. It was raining hard, but I decided to climb Huayna Picchu, a beautiful, sacred, and very steep mountain at the edge of the city.

My anger kept growing as I climbed. My thoughts and feelings vacillated between two extremes. I could not decide if I should toss myself off the cliff for being such a miserable excuse for a spiritual being or go back and yell at Gini for mistreating me. The rain intensified, and the stone steps became steeper and slipperier. I soon came to a point of choice. I knew I could either hold on to my anger and resistance or I could continue up the mountain. I did not have the energy to do both. As I took the next step, I surrendered. I stopped resisting and watched the emotions and struggle wash away with the rain as I continued to climb.

This was one of my first tastes of Big Freedom.

My point of choice was simple: to remain closed or to burst open. By a gift of grace (combined with inner and outer exhaustion), I chose to open and keep moving on my path up the mountain. I saw there was nothing to defend or fight against. As I climbed Huayna Picchu, my heart opened. I simply was. I did not need to be accepted. I did not need to be recognized. I did not need to be seen a certain way by the group. Everything melted. I stopped identifying with my old stories, and this allowed me to look and be open to the pain of my past so that I could cleanse it from my present.

When you fight against your old emotions, they gain energy. When you open and say, "Thank you for the ways you have served me in the past; I now release you and choose to accept love," you take the power from the old structure and give it to the new.

## Opening to Fear

Fear often accompanies our other negative emotions and mental stories, and these fearful emotions can often lead to a reaction to close off and resist rather than open. But when you hit fear within yourself while doing inner work, this is often a signal that you are moving through the shaky floor of your past agreements and toward the authentic foundation within.

Fear is energy. Fear is simply another path toward freedom. When you open to fear and accept that it is present, you make space for the fear to morph into something new. Instead of saying to yourself, "I am afraid, I am afraid, I can't do this," try saying, "I am open to feeling this fear. I am willing to be uncomfortable. I am excited about the freedom that awaits me once I get through this fear."

Don Miguel taught me a wonderful lesson about jumping into the waters of fear as a way to heal. In 1996, don Miguel came close to drowning during a journey to Palenque, Mexico. Two years later, I went snorkeling with him in Maui, Hawaii. We put a life vest on him, and he eagerly jumped in the water, only to madly scramble out again. As he sat panting on the deck of the boat, I asked him if he was okay.

"This is the first time I have been in the water since I almost drowned," he said, "and my body remembers the fear." Then he smiled at me and jumped back into the water.

I watched him jump in and get out of the water three or four times, each time with less panic. Soon he was paddling around in the water happily. Don Miguel modeled how to open to fear and move beyond it by being willing to smile and then—with awareness—plunge in again and again until the fear diminished. He did not close down and say, "I should not feel this fear," or "This fear means I should not get in the water." His intent was to enjoy the water, and so he simply kept showing his body it was safe until it trusted again.

As you open to the flow of your own emotions, stay aware of any fears that arise simultaneously. Notice how this fear can provoke a reaction in you. You may be tempted to stop looking within, to close off your emotions, or even to judge yourself for having the fear in the first place. When you remember the element of water, you remember that opening means you are swimming with the current of your emotions instead of struggling against them. In this way, you can stay aware of these waves of emotion, including any fears that arise, and let them flow through and around you.

In another example, a student of mine called me while experiencing a moment of intense fear. After years of numbness, Michael was starting to experience his emotions. As a child, he had witnessed his father, who was an alcoholic, beat his mother. He had closed the door on his emotions in order to cope. Now, as he was opening the door to healing by looking at these past experiences deeply, the intensity of his repressed fear and anger at his father scared him, and he could sense himself starting to shut down again in an effort to make the pain stop. While he genuinely wanted to be free of this, he could feel his old habit wanting to kick in, which was always to slam the lid down and stop the flow anytime these memories and emotions would arise.

I suggested to him, "Instead of allowing the fear to be a trigger to shut down, invite the fear in and thank it for keeping you safe all these years. See it now as an invitation for transformation, not a warning to stop." Michael spent some time talking about his experiences, including the fears that were arising, and as he did so, he suddenly realized that after years of numbness, the fear was actually a sign that he was on the right track.

Michael's experience offers us another lesson. Being open to your emotions, including fear, is much easier when you can confide in a trusted friend, advisor, or professional counselor. Being open to emotions in a new way brings with it a willingness to share your feelings as they arise. As humans, our feelings flow much more freely when we verbalize and physicalize them in healthy ways.

It can be helpful to pause now and remember the larger perspective of what you are doing. Your goal is to experience Big Freedom, and this means no longer allowing fear to control your life. If you only pay attention to the fear, you will back off, and nothing will change. If you open to the bigger picture, you will see the perfection of your terror, the rightness of being uncomfortable. You are actively dismantling the old and making room for the new. Keep jumping in with your heart open until the fear subsides.

## Staying Open to Closure

There are times when you will see an old agreement, an emotion, or a pattern of thinking, know that it is hurting you, and still close off or push it down within you. If you do this, do not judge yourself; instead, be open to the fact that you are closing off. You can say to yourself, "I'm open to the fact that I'm closed. That's the best I can do right now." From this place, you can watch and notice any of the ramifications that staying closed in that particular area has in your life.

Sometimes it is too scary to release the old behavior, or you still have something to learn from it, or you do not have the energy to make the change. Be gentle with yourself. Keep your awareness and your heart open, and you will gradually take yourself into a new way of being.

Sometimes, our greatest awakenings happen in the most difficult situations. What is revealed during these times can be shocking. One of the best times to practice opening is when you are overwhelmed. Can you open to whatever is in the present moment? "Oh, now I feel terror in my body. I open to this terror and let it move through me." "Ah, I feel closed and numb and unavailable. It is okay to be closed."

The gift of opening to whatever life brings, including your emotions, allows you to move smoothly through unexpected changes or life transitions. When you are open, you are better able to see any imaginative or creative choices that arise in these difficult moments. Furthermore, being open allows you to accept and love all aspects of yourself, from the divine soul to the screaming child. Each emotion, and each reaction, teaches you something new; it offers you another pearl of wisdom when you keep your eyes and heart open.

Here are some specific traits to cultivate within yourself to help you on your path:

**Patience:** Opening is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself. You do not wake up one day and say, "From this day forward I will always be open to everything." It takes practice and persistence. The truth is that each of us knows how to open. We do this naturally when we feel safe. We can also learn to open when we do not feel safe or when we feel challenged in some way.

**Perseverance:** As you increase your openness, you begin to see that most of your emotional reactions are not about the present at all. Keep opening the doors into the past, and you will often track the real source of your pain. Seek out the scared child, the lonely teenager. What agreements might they have made?

**Unwavering Support:** When you find a frightened and confused part of yourself, embrace it with open arms. Intimacy is showing up for yourself, whether you are feeling on top of the world or terrified. Make space for all of your emotional self. Remember that making mistakes is part of the process and you only need to be exactly who you are. Self-love is the key to lasting change.

**Gratitude:** Make a habit of going over the things you are grateful for by writing a daily list, sharing around the dinner table, or committing to some other practice. When you go into gratitude, you open. When you think of someone you love, you open. When you see a baby or a puppy, you open. Study this sensation in your body. What does it feel like? What causes you to open? What causes you to close down?

## Allowing Pure Emotions

As your emotional body heals, you may begin to experience pure emotions, separate from any story, belief, or past experience. After the end of a romantic relationship, I spent a year watching my guilt. I started by noticing when I felt guilty and tracking it to an immediate source. Then I started tracking it back to a possible past source. I went back in my past further and further, and in the end, I realized that I had always felt guilty. Period. There was nothing looming from my past to account for it. I could invent all sorts of stories to find a way for the guilt to make sense, but they were simply that—stories.

Because we live in a very guilt-ridden culture (the story of Adam and Eve and original sin is one of the oldest collective agreements we share), I think I just absorbed it from the world around me. Period. Recognizing that it was not mine, I could open to it and let it go. When it arose, I could say, "Oh, look, it is guilt, and I have nothing to feel guilty about," and that was my way of becoming open and releasing it. If I had continued to clamp down on the guilt and hold on to it, what do you think would have happened?

As you become open to your emotions, be aware of the ways your mind tries to control or trigger your emotional body with its stories and fears. So often when you shine the light of clarity on your thoughts and open to your emotions without story, they dissolve or easily flow through your being, leaving behind more spaciousness and joy. When you open and release your old emotions through simply witnessing them, your emotions are able to function as they are meant to. Then new emotions do not stick, but move through quickly and cleanly.

As you continue to open, self-discovery and learning become a joy. You move from resistance and fear to a thirst for wisdom that will pour more flow into your being. Fear and the many emotions that stem from fear—such as anger, justification, and resistance—will arise and fall. And of course the reverse is also true; happiness, love, and acceptance will also arise and fall. Big Freedom means we don't attach to these either. Like the flow of water, none of these emotions is permanent. Allow them to move naturally through you, and hold your still center point within. You are not your emotions, just as you are not your thoughts. Embrace them both as your children, love and support them in maturing, but don't let them run your household! You will find that Big Freedom is not freedom _from_ emotions and beliefs, but freedom to be whole within and through them.

## Practices

I invite you to dive into the following practices, which are designed to expand your freedom and flexibility and connect you to the guidance of water. You will also find a guided meditation that will bring the third of the four elements in an embodied form to help you as a guide, in the same way they came to me in the Dream of the Elders.

## Investigating Closing

When we encounter experiences that frighten us or challenge our beliefs, we may respond by shutting down our emotional and energetic bodies in order to block out potential pain. By exploring the underlying agreements and past experiences that cause us to close ourselves like this, we can more clearly see how to release these blocks.

Write down some things that cause you to close off, shut down, or put up a wall to block out a feeling or a person. For example,

  * My boss/parent/spouse when he or she gets angry
  * When I feel jealous
  * When I look at my finances

Take a couple of minutes to examine each item in your list, and then consider what you think is at the source—why you feel this way. Is there some past experience that is triggered? An old agreement that needs to be explored? An underlying emotion without a definite source? Your mind might say, "But of course I shut down when my boss is angry; I have to protect myself." Or, "Of course I shrink when I am afraid I can't pay my bills: that is real." Needing to feel safe is real, of course, but the question is: Does your closure help you at work or pay the bills? Fear and worry pretend they are your friends, but they only create tension, stress, and unease.

Focus on just one of the reactions you have written down to start, and practice opening to it a little bit each day. Tell yourself the truth: "My boss is angry. Period." Then carefully watch the thoughts and emotions that arise as you practice opening to this statement. These thoughts will show you the structure that keeps you closed. Cleanse what is not yours by doing the recapitulation exercises we covered in the last chapter. Once you have created more space, remember that you are the artist of your life; you can open to more possibilities and creative solutions to the same situations.

The beauty of opening to difficult thoughts or emotions is that we allow more resources and inspirations to flow, and we release the stories that cause us to suffer.

## Opening to New Possibilities

Storytelling is an incredibly powerful tool, and like any tool it can be used to help or harm. By changing the stories we tell ourselves, we can start to break up the stagnant narratives that clog our emotional bodies and make room for the fresh, clear flow of possibility.

Each time you notice disaster mind telling you a story that causes you to close, or you feel your emotional body slipping into an old fear, try making up at least three different stories that help you open. The more outrageous the story is, the better.

Here's an example:

Your company sent out an email last week that they are cutting more jobs, and you felt yourself immediately close after reading it. Notice what the disaster story is here and what happens in your emotional body.

"Larry got laid off last year and still hasn't found a job. If I lose my job, I'll never find another one . . ."

Now consciously shift your story:

"Getting laid off could be the best thing that ever happens to me. I've wanted to do something new, and this might be the perfect opportunity. Or I might not get laid off because, as the company explores what it needs, it will discover how valuable I am. Maybe I'll even get a raise and a reward party for how fabulous I am!"

So what if this new story is not true? The emotions stirred up by your disaster mind are not based in reality, either. Making up new stories changes the emotions in your body and will sometimes completely shift the dynamic. In any case, a new story will shift your response away from the disaster mind/emotional reaction pattern, which is the most important thing. This is a great way to break up your rigid thinking and structures and create more space. The more humor you can bring to this process, the better.

Sometimes the stories will come in hindsight. Write them down. Eventually, you will be able to make up stories in the present moment. Keep shifting the story until you feel some relief and you start opening to new possibilities rather than cycling through the same story and traumatizing emotions related to some imagined future.

## Connecting to the Element of Water

As you practice staying open and allowing old emotions to come to the surface, it can be helpful to get your physical body into water. Immersing yourself in a river, a lake, or your bathtub will calm you and remind you of the nature of fluidity. In addition, don't forget that 70 percent of your body is made up of water, so immersing yourself in water is always like coming home.

One way to connect to the element of water is to consciously prepare a bath for yourself. Unlike a quick shower or bath with the intent to get clean, this is a ritual where you connect to the element of water. Take your time, and even use Epsom salts and essential oils.

As you soak in the bath, imagine the water seeping into you and dissolving your old structure and any stuck emotions. Let yourself be held by the water, and allow it to loosen your muscles and ease your joints. Accept whatever emotions arise, let them flow, and then invite the water to wash them away. When you feel complete, pull the plug and visualize everything going down the drain.

You can even do a mini-version of this practice by consciously connecting to water every time you wash your hands. As you wash, remind yourself, "I accept the power and flow of life. I honor the experiences and emotions that come and go in the cycle of life."

## Inner Guidance

We're going to continue creating new pathways in the mind and body with the following visualization. Remember, when we visualize something in our minds, we energize it and make it real. We call on invisible forces to support and guide us, in the way the shamans have used visualization and spiritual journeying to connect with sacred allies.

## Water Visualization for Opening

This visualization is a powerful way to bring the teachings from the Dream of the Elders into your own life. You will call on a guardian to remind you of the new qualities you are embodying and guide you on your journey toward Big Freedom. Your third guardian is from the element of water. From water you learn the art of opening—the right use of emotional flow.

Make your body comfortable and take some deep breaths into your belly.

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of your stone circle. This circle encompasses and holds every part of you in its embrace. Greet your symbols for the elements of air and fire. Make a quarter turn to the right of fire, and ask for guidance and energy from the element of water to give you the willingness and faith to surrender to what is.

Next, offer an invitation to a water guide to join you and support the release of your resistance and contraction. Be open to the many ways that guide may appear. Your water guide may be an animal, a person you know, or a stranger. It may be a quiet voice in your head or a knowing in your body. Your guardian of water may not come to you immediately, but later in a dream or while you are in the middle of your day, water may show its many forms to you. Pray for the grace to open and expand in difficult times.

When you feel complete, ask for a symbol to represent this new anchor in your visualization, and place it in the water direction of your circle. Let this symbol remind you of the benefits of going with the flow, of allowing your emotions to pass through you rather than control you. Then imagine the circle dissolving.

For your physical altar, pick an object to represent water and place it in one of the directions on the outside of your circle. This might be a small bowl or vial of water, a statue of a sea creature, or any object that pleases you. Set your intent to use all of the elements and their gifts to guide you through the places where you close down as you are learning to ride the flow of your emotions and open your center.

# FIVE

# Earth: The Art of Nourishing

# _Feeding Your Depths_

_We must learn not to disassociate the airy flower
from the earthy root, for the flower that is cut off from
its root fades, and its seeds are barren, whereas the
root, secure in Mother Earth, can produce flower after
flower and bring their fruit to maturity_.

—Kabbalah

There are seeds of both love and fear within you, and what you nourish will grow.

In shamanic traditions around the world, the element of earth represents your physical body and is a symbol for the need we have to nourish our inner and outer selves. The purpose of nourishing is that we become more deeply grounded in self-love and self-respect for not only our physical body, but our inner being as well. This means we look for ways to nourish our mind, our emotions, our body, and our spirit.

The old voices of the mind and your fearful emotions have long whispered words that deplete rather than nourish and have kept you from experiencing Big Freedom and lasting joy. "Be very afraid. Protect yourself. Close off. Push things down. Try to control the world around you." These are the voices and attitudes that have kept you in prison all of these years. The voice of nourishment offers these words instead: "Look deeper. Trust yourself. You are safe. You are loved. You are supported. The love is within." True nourishment helps you to support, strengthen, and expand the work you have done so far.

Nourishment comes after the earlier gifts of air, fire, and water for a reason. With air's clear perception, you learn to see your true needs. Fire teaches you to cleanse the neglected places and makes space for new agreements. Water's opening increases the flow of your emotions and teaches you to come into alignment with the world around you. In fact, every other elemental guardian in this book has helped you progress on the path of nourishment. Choosing to shift your perception is an act of nourishment. Cleaning out a reaction based on fear is an act of nourishment. Opening just that little bit more is an act of nourishment. In this chapter we will go deeper into the ways in which you can further nourish and support the space you have created.

## Authentic Nourishment

Nourishing includes a willingness to discover what feeds your authenticity. You learn to nourish your roots by using your outer and inner life to guide you. The result of this attention toward living from a place of authenticity is that you become rooted in love and acceptance—for yourself, others, and the world. From this sacred soil, you can truly extend your roots and grow. Authenticity is like fertilizer, and bringing it into your life is what helps Big Freedom to flower.

Imagine yourself as a plant, and start by honoring your roots. For humans, the roots are your simple bodily needs: restful sleep, wholesome food, exercise, and loving touch. Make sure you start here. Pay attention to how much sleep your body needs. Take note of how different foods shift your mood and sense of physical well-being. Notice how your body and mind respond when you take time to exercise or be physically active in some way. Get curious about how your body feels in relationship to others and how it reacts to loving touch.

How you care for your body in these ways affects your emotions, energy, and perception. As you explore these areas, you may notice many things that you want to change about your basic habits. Do not try to make too many adjustments at once, though—that's a recipe for getting overwhelmed and burning out. Pick one or two things to focus on, create the change, and move on to the next a few weeks later. Nourishing is a gradual, moment-by-moment process. Moreover, like cleansing, nourishing will never be wrapped up and done in one session.

Sometimes, what feels authentically nourishing in the moment is toxic in the long run, and what feels uncomfortable or even frightening in the short term is actually deeply nourishing in the long term. How do you know the difference?

The key is in discerning the distinction between long-term nourishment and short-term craving, and a simple way to see this dynamic is with your physical body and food. Many foods feel great in the short run but in the long run can be very destructive. You may crave things such as sugar and caffeine, even if they are hurting you. Only when you go beneath their addictive nature do you feel what your body really wants: healthy, sustaining food.

The same thing is true for toxic thoughts and actions. Lying to get what we want, attempting to control or manipulate others, or gossiping to subtly feel superior over someone else are all behaviors that can seem to make us feel good in the short term but don't nourish us over the long run.

In order to discover authentic nourishment, awareness is key. Very often, the short-term behaviors we run to are a quick fix for a problem that requires a much deeper (and maybe difficult or painful) solution. If we are feeling unworthy, a quick verbal dig at a colleague might make us feel powerful for a moment. If we are lonely, we might find a false sense of community through online bashing of a group or ideology. Cravings and toxic behaviors satisfy the immediate fix, but the underlying problem really needs some long-term nourishment.

Awareness will help you determine if something is a craving or an act of true nourishment. By watching the outcome of a particular behavior, along with clocking your mind and body sensations, you can learn whether your actions are bringing you toward long-term, sustainable well-being.

For instance, when you take any type of "food"—whether it is physical, emotional, or mental—you can learn to ask yourself, "What part of me is this nourishing? Is this food cultivating fear or love? Is this toxic or sustaining?" Simply witnessing teaches you what you are nourishing and gives you the opportunity to shift. Remember, you may witness the toxic effects of a behavior for a while before you have the energy to shift it. You likely carry many old agreements about physical appearance, including heaps of value judgments from your family and society at large. Be patient and allow yourself the space without judgment to ascertain what is your own truth in these areas rather than anyone else's, as this self-knowledge is what will help you to make authentic, lasting changes.

Listen with openness to your impulses. Do they take you toward acceptance and joy or toward fear and contraction? As you explore, you will learn to distinguish the impulses of long-term nourishment versus short-term cravings. In addition, something that nourished you in the past may one day be toxic, and something that appears toxic may be vitally nourishing. Be willing to investigate, to ask questions, to watch, and to wait. Here are two stories about breaking habitual patterns and learning new ways to nourish your body.

My friend Sally had struggled most of her adult life with an addiction to alcohol. When she felt alone or scared, she would stay up all night drinking vodka. Hardly anyone knew about her struggles with alcohol, and whenever she committed to stop drinking, she would soon go on another binge. One day she shared her shame and struggle around alcohol with me and how hiding her addiction was causing difficulty in her new relationship.

I could see that Sally was ready to change, but she couldn't stop the cycle of drinking to manage her feelings. Keeping it a secret only increased the tension—and the drinking. She risked opening up with me and sharing her fears and struggles, and tears of relief overflowed as she let herself be heard and seen with openness and love.

Together, Sally and I explored how alcohol was nourishing her. This might sound like a strange way to put it, but whenever we have an addiction—whether it is to a drug, food, or judgmental thinking—it helps to disrupt the routine by naming the gifts of our old behaviors out loud and thanking the addiction for the ways it has nourished us. Then we can look at new, positive ways of nourishing ourselves. In this case, Sally was getting the gift of dulling overwhelming emotions of fear and unworthiness that had often interfered with her ability to interact with others.

Next, Sally and I talked about how else she could get nourishment when she felt alone, scared, or unworthy. She realized that hiding her problem was only exacerbating the issue, and it was time for her to start a long-term nourishing project by taking new actions. She started by sharing her addiction with those closest to her and creating a circle of people whom she could trust to help her learn to nourish herself in a new way.

Sally committed to doing one nourishing thing for herself before bed (reading poetry, taking a bath, breathing into her belly) and calling someone from her list of allies if she started craving alcohol, so that they could support her in opening and being present with her fears, rather than abandoning herself to her crutch. Over time, Sally learned to hold herself in a nourishing way, and her need for alcohol as a source of nourishment dissolved.

I learned a similar experience through my relationship to sugar. I was working the night shift at a newspaper, and I consumed a great deal of sugar and caffeine to keep me going. I was young and wired and could go for days with little sleep. I was physically healthy, rarely sick, and excited about my life.

Then one day I experienced a drastic shift. After years of drinking Coca-Cola with impunity, I started to feel lethargic and sick when I did so. I soon noticed a distinct relationship between my level of sugar consumption and not feeling well. When I really paid attention to my body, I realized that I had to stop eating sugar. I fought this realization for a while. How could this be possible? I'd always eaten sugar and been just fine. But despite my denying it, I noticed that if I ate a bite of pie or took a sip of any sugary drink, my body let me know it was unhappy with my choices.

This is an example of how something that had once felt very nourishing to me was now toxic. For a long time, I still craved sugar; it seemed like such a great quick fix! Yet as I focused on authentic, lasting nourishment, my body healed, and eventually it stopped yearning for sugar.

The element of earth is a reminder to us to track and learn what is nourishing and what is not. You too may find patterns and behaviors that were once nourishing but now weaken you. And what works for you may not work for someone else—we're all different when it comes to nourishment and self-care. Keep your long-term vision focused on your greater intent as you make new choices in the moment.

Sometimes nurturing yourself is doing exactly the opposite of your normal or habitual behaviors. Such acts will not feel completely comfortable in the moment, and they might even feel quite scary, but they are long-term nourishment. For instance, if you are a perfectionist, a nourishing act might be to allow yourself to make mistakes and celebrate them. If you don't like to make choices because of the responsibility that comes with that, a nourishing act might be to make a decision and follow through even when you feel hesitant to do so. If you often choose the company of others because you don't like to be alone, going out to lunch by yourself might be nourishing. Remember, any action can fill us up or deplete us—the key is the reason behind why we're doing it.

## Nourishing Childhood Wounds

Our bodies store all our past experiences, in both our cells and our psyches, and this includes all of the old agreements we made as children. One of the main reasons we have lost the art of nourishing ourselves is our desire to hide from old pain, especially pain from our childhood. So many of the agreements we have as adults—the fears, the insecurities, the self-judgments—are often coming from our experiences as children. Air reveals these old patterns and reactions, and water releases the immense emotional energy they carry. Fire cleanses the hurt of the past, and earth heals these places.

One way to heal these past hurts within yourself is to listen to and nurture your child within. The adult part of you may think, "That is ridiculous!" or "I don't even remember half my childhood!" If you have this reaction, I would encourage you to look deeper. These childhood experiences are body memories, not mere mental constructs. Sometimes these agreements were made before you could speak, and just because they aren't conscious memories doesn't mean that they can't affect you in the present.

For instance, if something occurs in the present that triggers a strong emotional reaction—let's say you suddenly are overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, anxiety, and fear—and you can't pinpoint the source of your reaction, it is likely that you have touched a forgotten experience from your childhood. While you may not consciously remember the past event that is providing the source of your reaction, it's clear that your child within is still reeling from past trauma.

In these moments, I invite you to go inside and listen deeply. Bring the intention of unconditional love to your listening as you do so. In your mind's eye, see yourself as a child and speak nourishing words of encouragement: "Everything is okay now. I'm here for you. What do you want to tell me?" When you listen with your heart open wide, you can step into the role of nurturing parent for yourself. You may or may not remember a specific experience as you listen, but you can name the feelings that arise. For example, "I can see you're feeling very afraid," or "I sense that you are lonely." Then you can ask your child, "What do you need?" Listening with unconditional love nurtures the growth of the child within you, freeing you from long-past, sometimes even forgotten, experiences of trauma.

Nourishing is about honoring all parts of the self, and this includes the child within. You can be a successful, respected businessperson _and_ still need to heal that grief-stricken three-year-old. You can be on a spiritual journey _and_ have a two-year-old who needs to be soothed inside you. One does not negate or exclude the other.

I have learned to listen and slow down when the child within me starts speaking. This does not mean that everything in my life comes to a halt, but rather that I open wider. I stretch. I expand, so I can be a parent to that child, so I can love her through moments of fear and doubt.

I sometimes imagine holding her, sending her love, and I might even wrap my arms around my own shoulders and sway gently for a moment.

## Boundaries as Nourishment

As children, we typically don't have the benefit of being able to establish boundaries. We often don't get to choose who comes into our lives nor the actions they take when they do so. One of the benefits of adulthood is that we now have the power to say yes or no to other people. Nourishing ourselves also includes establishing clear boundaries, ones that allow us to protect our physical, mental, and emotional bodies from outside influences that go against our authentic truth.

We may sometimes think of boundaries as limitations based on fear or ways to close off to others and even ourselves, denying us the Big Freedom we seek. But in my view, boundaries made from love and concern for your own growth and wholeness are actually what make Big Freedom possible. The truth is that your freedom grows when you set appropriate boundaries. It is an art to learn to say no to others with an open heart and a soft belly. Part of authentic nourishment is learning how to speak your truth, even when those who are listening do not like or agree with what you have to say.

Let's look at a simple example. Imagine that you need to set a boundary with a coworker who constantly interrupts you at your job, making it difficult for you to get your work done. For weeks you have sent her subtle clues that you do not want to be interrupted. You have ignored her and continued to work, invited her to talk with you after hours, and the only thing left is to tell her point-blank not to interrupt you.

There are many different ways you can set this boundary. Let's look at some unhealthy options first. You could put off setting the boundary for a long time, then blow up at her. You could slam your door whenever you see her coming. You could get someone else to tell her to stop interrupting you. You could tell her the boss is getting upset at you for not finishing your work on time.

Notice how setting boundaries feels in your body. How does it feel when you do not tell others what you need, but instead hope they figure it out themselves? How does it feel when you judge and become angry with them and simply shut them out of your life? How does it feel when you blame someone else because you need things to be different? These methods might give you the short-term fix of keeping your coworker from talking to you, but they do not nourish you. That's because they do not teach you to speak your truth.

Now let's imagine what setting a nourishing boundary with this coworker might look like. You could say something like, "I'm not sure if you realize this, but you tend to interrupt me a lot while I'm working. I can tell that you are really excited to share your stories with me, but could we chat over lunch or at the end of the day if it's not a work-related topic?" Practice by saying this out loud to your imaginary coworker. You can even role-play the discussion with a willing friend. Stay connected to her by looking into her eyes, and breathe through any discomfort or fear.

Is there a situation in your own life where a boundary would be helpful? Write out what you want to say and practice saying it out loud, exploring how to keep yourself connected to the person through eye contact and connected to yourself through your breath and presence.

Sometimes we can be afraid to set boundaries for fear of hurting or upsetting others, and while this may feel easier in the moment, the long-term ramifications are that we send ourselves the message, "Your needs are not important." This is the opposite of self-nourishment.

When you first start to set appropriate boundaries, pay attention to what arises. Guilt, fear of rejection, shame, or insecurity may all come up. Neither ignore nor feed these emotions; instead, nourish the strength of your being that is beneath them. Know they are passing; they are from an old time. Your goal is to move away from old unhelpful behaviors and toward building up your authentic center.

## Nourishment Through Mistakes

One of the biggest areas in which you can nourish yourself is when you make a mistake or something doesn't go your way. It's surprising how quickly the judge inside us can step in and we can fall back into the old patterns of berating ourselves. In these instances, remembering to be compassionate and patient and even learning to laugh at ourselves are keys to good nourishment.

Here's a great story about a friend of mine who chose to nourish herself despite an embarrassing situation. One day, my friend Maria filled her diesel truck with unleaded gasoline, which could have done major damage to the fuel system. "Usually, I would have judged myself horribly," she shared with me. "I was in a rush and that's why it happened. Now I would miss an important appointment, and my old tendency would be to go into disaster mind, thinking of how this was really going to hurt me. Instead, I remained calm, called a friend to come help me out, and waited. My mind stayed clear, and I spent the time stretching and breathing, helping myself get more present. It was exciting to watch my new reaction. Instead of beating myself up for a simple mistake, I was being good to myself!"

The other thing about mistakes is that they can very often be an indicator of growth—which makes them a kind of nourishment in and of themselves! When you commit to building unfamiliar habits, exploring new territory, and going outside your comfort zone (whether at work, at home, or in your community), _you are going to make mistakes_. In fact, making mistakes and learning from them make up one of the best ways to know that you're on the right track!

Just as water and nutrients soak into roots and activate the growth of seeds, our intent to nurture ourselves even as we make mistakes soaks into our being. Our minds may tell us, "Nothing is growing; nothing is changing; this is hopeless," but our bodies are pulling in new nutrients. Eventually the seeds of love will manifest in our lives. Each tiny act of compassion or forgiveness or joy, even if we do not feel it in the moment, soaks through the framework of our structure and activates our new foundation.

## Practices

I invite you to dive into the following practices, which are designed to nourish your mind, body, and spirit and connect you to the guidance of earth. You will also find a guided meditation that will bring the last of the four elements in an embodied form to help you as a guide, in the same way they came to me in the Dream of the Elders.

## Grounding

It is very nourishing to connect your physical body to the earth through a process called grounding. Grounding settles and energizes you. It helps you release nervous or stuck energy and allows you to feel the strength and ease that come from being supported unconditionally.

To ground yourself, sit comfortably with your feet flat on the floor, or sit cross-legged on the ground. Breathe your awareness down into the base of your spine. Let your belly be soft. Imagine yourself as a tree, with roots that go deep into the earth and branches that stretch up to the sky. Let your spine form roots that spread out into the soil. Your branches reach up from the crown of your head and into the air. Feel how your physical body, the trunk of your tree, rests perfectly between your roots and branches.

Imagine that you can breathe energy and vitality through your roots up into your core. Breathe this energy all the way through your body, and send it out through your branches to the sky. Now imagine breathing the openness and vastness of space into your branches. Breathe this energy through your body and down into the earth.

With each breath, allow yourself to be held and supported by earth and sky. Feel the unlimited amount of energy available to you, traveling up and down your trunk. Allow this energy to saturate every cell of your body and create a sense of wholeness and connection. Let your mind be quiet, and let your body relax.

When you are finished, take three deep breaths into your heart and gently release your image of roots and branches.

As part of your grounding practice, also set aside a little time each day to listen to your body. Go for a walk in nature, do yoga, or simply sit quietly and tune in to yourself. Tell your body that you are willing to listen and hear what it has to tell you. Invite your body to speak and share its fears and its wisdom.

Much like your inner child, if you ignore your body, it will keep amplifying its messages until you hear them—and eventually it could stop talking to you altogether. When you first begin to slow down and listen to your body, it may refuse to speak or only yell at you for not paying attention. This may take the form of aches and pains or nervous energy you can't explain. Be patient with yourself. Your body holds tremendous knowledge. Let it know that you are willing to spend time nourishing its deepest needs. When you get a message, image, or feeling from your body, honor it while delving into the core of your truth. It may take time to reestablish a relationship with your body. That's okay.

## Tools for Nourishing

When preparing a meal, a chef may look at what ingredients she has in her pantry and make decisions based on her resources. Likewise, it helps to have a stocked pantry or tool kit full of self-care actions that you can use to create a variety of recipes for authentic self-nourishment.

On separate index cards, write down ten nourishing things you could do for yourself. You could also draw them or make ten mini-collages with photographs and magazine pictures. Here are some examples:

  * Play with my dog.
  * Hug a loved one.
  * Practice yoga.
  * Take a long walk.
  * Read a spiritual book.
  * Be in silence.
  * Perform a ritual.
  * Take a hot bath.
  * Tend to my garden or houseplants.
  * Dance.

Start by picking one of your cards each day and doing the action it suggests. Pay attention to how it nourishes you and what you feel.

When you have completed all ten cards, begin to use these cards to explore opening yourself to more nourishment. Think of something that causes you to close down—a memory of your ex, a fear of something in the future, or a situation at home. Pick one of the cards and focus on it. Then weave the two feelings together. For example, take a hot bath while thinking about your ex. Relax into the practices and feelings that open you, and create a little bit more opening in your body for the situations and feelings that cause you to close down. What if you stayed open to a stressful situation _and_ nourished yourself at the same time? What would the outcome be?

Start with small occurrences, and build your way up to larger events.

When you are in crisis and want to nourish yourself, pick one of your cards. Put the card into action, either by doing it or meditating on what it feels like when you do it. Let it seep into your body. If you pull a card and think _oh no, not that one_ —go for it! The time that you have the most resistance to using a card is the best time to take action. Keep inviting yourself to open and be nourished, even if the opening is only a tiny crack at first.

## Media Fast

What we watch, read, and listen to are all representative of ways in which we can nourish our minds. In many cases, today's media nourishes us by filling us up with ideas of fear and scarcity rather than love and acceptance. What we see and hear reflects how our culture reinforces looking outside ourselves for a sense of inner worth. When was the last time you saw an ad that read something like this? "You are perfect exactly as you are. Would you like to buy our shampoo?" Most advertising is based on the premise of lack: "If you drink our beer, you will have the charisma you have always wanted," or, "This car will give you the prestige and recognition you are looking for." The message over and over is, "You are not enough as you are, but if you only buy this gizmo, everything will be okay."

The news media also provides a steady diet of worry for our minds, which are already programmed with a tendency toward negativity. In newspapers and on television news, we are shown war, murder, poverty, and instability. The truth is, millions of different things are happening simultaneously around the world. Can you imagine picking up a major newspaper with a top headline reading "Woman Reaches Enlightenment, full story on page 2"? Imagine how different the world could be if we gave as much emphasis to spiritual development and joyous events in the media as we currently give to fear-based ones.

For a day or a week, do a media fast. You might choose to stop watching television for a day or refrain from tuning in to the news or reading magazines or newspapers. Or instead tap into sites such as goodnewsnetwork.org that celebrate positive current events. Notice how you feel after your media fast.

## Connecting to the Element of Earth

The act of nourishing a plant is a great way to connect to the element of earth in your everyday life. To immerse yourself in the cycle of growth, nurture a plant from a seedling until it is fully grown.

Planting seeds is best done in the spring or early summer, though it will work at any time of the year with enough light and warmth. If you travel often, you can use a plant that doesn't need much water as your connection to earth.

To begin, get a cup or planter box, and buy some seeds (tomatoes or sunflowers work well). You could also buy a little herb garden starter kit, available in many garden stores.

When you plant the seeds, set an intention for what you want to nourish in your own life. For example, "With this seed, I set my intent to nourish my desire to enjoy more friendship in my life."

Now plant your seeds or repot a seedling. Get your hands in the soil! You may want to write down your intention and place it in the container. Each time you water the plant, touch the soil and ask for a blessing for your _own_ soil. Giving your new plant the consistent care it needs will remind you that your physical self needs the same attention and love.

As your plant gets bigger, you may need to repot it or find a good place to plant it outside. Always feel free to start over if something happens to your plant. Make it a practice until you have come to know intimately the nourishing power of earth.

## Inner Guidance

We're going to continue creating new pathways in the mind and body with the following visualization. Remember, when we visualize something in our minds, we energize it and make it real. We call on invisible forces to support and guide us, in the way the shamans have used visualization and spiritual journeying to connect with sacred allies.

## Earth Visualization for Nourishment

This visualization is a powerful way to bring the teachings from the Dream of the Elders into your own life. You will call on a guardian to remind you of the qualities you are embodying and guide you to the end of your journey toward Big Freedom. Your fourth guardian is the element of earth. From earth you learn the art of nurturing—the right use of your physical body.

Make your body comfortable and take some deep breaths into your belly.

Imagine yourself standing in the middle of your stone circle. This circle encompasses and holds every part of you in its embrace. Greet your symbols for the elements of air, fire, and water. Turn to face the final quarter in your circle, and ask for guidance and energy from the element of earth to give you the grace and intent to nurture your deepest self.

Next, invite an earth guide to join you and support you in living from your core foundation. Be open to how that guide may appear. Your earth guide may be an animal, a person you know, or a stranger. It may be a quiet voice in your head or a knowing in your body. Your guardian of earth may come to you now, or later in a dream, or while you are in the middle of your day. Pray for the power to nourish your being and create sacred boundaries.

When you feel complete, ask for a symbol to represent this new anchor, and in your imagination place it in the final direction of your circle. Let this symbol remind you of the benefits of nourishing. Then imagine the circle dissolving.

For your altar, pick an object to represent earth, and place it in the final direction on the outside of your physical circle. You can represent earth with a rock, a statue of a person, a leaf, or any object that pleases you. Set your intent to use all of the elements and their gifts to guide you to become deeply intimate with yourself and manifest Big Freedom from the strength of your center.

# Conclusion

_Be humble for you are made of dung.
Be noble for you are made of stars_.

—Ancient Serbian proverb

See. Cleanse. Open. Nourish. Step-by-step, one moment at a time, move from your old, confining cell to the freedom of open sky.

When you consciously work with the elements of air, fire, water, and earth, each gift of the elements is a tool to reclaim yourself and walk the path toward Big Freedom. Now, for the second time, you are building a structure, but this new structure is a temple constructed with awareness and joy.

You already have everything you need within you to create a free and sacred life, filled with possibility. The ancient teachings of the elements are guides that are returning you to your true home. It may take time, great patience, and much compassion, but it _will_ happen. The path of transformation you have begun will lead you from inner bondage to total freedom.

Imagine a vast prairie surrounded by mountains. In the middle of the field is a small one-room structure. Looking from the outside in, you can see yourself sitting inside this room, alone in a chair.

From inside the room looking out, you know that the larger world is there, because you have managed to catch glimpses of the outside beauty, having occasionally slipped out to see the vastness around you. At these times, you feel connected to life and are awed by the vision of eternity that surrounds your tiny home.

Now you notice that your door is wide open, and you realize it is time to step out and live regularly in this brave new world. The nature outside calls to you, "You are huge. You are eternal. You are magnificent. You have gifts to share. Come out of your room and claim your life." But your ears remember the message of the walls of your tiny room, which whisper, "It's scary out there. Stay here. Stay safe. You do not deserve to be bigger. You are already too big."

The four elements can guide you as you lean into living as big as the sky. When you live from this place, you step into what you were always meant to become: a conscious temple, a direct reflection of spirit, unbridled and free. This is what the Toltec call the _Nagual—the pure life force energy that you are_.

From the Toltec perspective, the Nagual is all that really exists. Your body and mind are ultimately only structures that block you from experiencing this pure energy. In one sense they are real and tangible, but at a deeper level they are also illusions. That's why the Toltecs say that the life you are living is really just a Dream. Your realities are only as real as you make them.

Because you continue to have a body and a mind, there will be times when your old emotions, fears, and disaster mind will arise, but now you can witness them with love and perhaps even a smile. You can see all manifestations of fear and doubt as precious resources, as nuggets of untruths that are simply trapped and waiting to be freed.

You are a vast, free, and magical being. You, and all humans, are equally precious. We each have the ability to dance into the unknown and move beyond the confining structures we have built for ourselves. As you live more regularly in the wide-open sky of Big Freedom, your heart and soul expand to hold more energy and loving presence. You move from limitations to possibilities.

Your path will wind back and forth between your old and new structures and infinity. There will likely be days when you forget the beauty of who you are and take refuge in your cramped room. In these moments it may seem as if nothing has changed, as if all the work you have done was in vain, as if you are a failure. But none of this is true. Freedom is always waiting for you right outside, and the four elements never judge; they are always willing to support you when you call on them. If you find yourself unexpectedly back in your old structure, or you discover yourself slowly sliding into an old pattern without a foothold, can you keep your eyes open? If you can, you will learn, and you will be able to recover quickly. If you plummet into complete forgetfulness, forgive yourself when you wake up again, and review what you have learned.

What I have found is that the more I invest my energy in this new way of living, the faster the transitions between old and new become. This might feel a little strange at first. For instance, after a time of feeling centered and balanced, you might suddenly get triggered by someone being upset with you or fear being abandoned all over again. But as quickly as these limiting feelings come, they can also go. And you can bounce back into freedom once again. With help from your four elements, you can see clearly, create space, allow the negative thoughts and emotions to flow right through you, and nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Practice these steps, and I promise, part of you will wonder how it is you are able to bounce back so quickly.

Nowadays, I occasionally find myself thinking of my old life, remembering it as if it were a dream and being glad that it's no longer my home. We all have the potential to make our lives anything we want them to be. We are the architects and the builders. It's our greatest work, and I'm forever grateful to have followed the path to reclaim my center and live in Big Freedom.

This is my hope and wish for you.

# Acknowledgments

My gratitude goes out to the many people who have supported me over the years.

First, to my parents, Jerry and Maggie Gaudet, and to my sister, Christy, who held such a strong container for a childhood of adventure and travel. I love you.

Many blessings to my teachers and guides over the years: Vicki Noble, Cerridwen Fallingstar, Peggy Dylan, and my dearest don Miguel Ruiz. Deep gratitude to my friend Gini Gentry for your amazing cheerleading and love and helping me find my own path.

To my first circle sisters, Autumn Labbe-Renault, Isis Ward, Saurin Shine, Sana Banks, Heather Wahanik, Aimee Carroll: Yes!

To my dear Toltec family for being such beautiful mirrors, especially my dearest friend Stephen Seigel, and Laurence Andrews, Ted and Peggy Raess, Chuck and Tink Cowgill, Francis Puerto-Hayhurst, Allan Hardman, Jules J. Frank, Ed Fox, Siri Gian Singh Khalsa, Stephen Collector, Rita Rivera, Gary van Warmerdam, Leo van Warmerdam, Barbara Simon, Niki Orrietas, Roberto Paez, Gae Buckley, Sheri Rosenthal, Stephanie Bureau, Lee McCormick, among many others: _Que tu sol sea brillante_.

To all friends, past, present, and future, for being teachers and inspirations, especially my favorite family and kids, Autumn, Craig, Rowan, Kyra and Nash Labbe-Renault; and Jesikah Maria Ross, Thom Sterling, the Normal family and WEF.

A big hug to Randy Davila and his staff for bringing this book back into publication for the second time. Randy, you are a wonderful role model and I feel very blessed to be playing in this dream with you!

# About the Author

Raised in Southeast Asia, HEATHERASH AMARA brings an openhearted, inclusive worldview to her writings and teachings. She is the author of _Warrior Goddess Training, The Warrior Goddess Way_ , and numerous other books. Visit her online at www.heatherashamara.com.

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# Also by HeatherAsh Amara

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