text:
"Polyamorous" redirects here. For the Breaking Benjamin song, see Polyamorous (song). For the reality TV show, see Polyamory: Married & Dating.
Practice of or desire for intimate relationships with more than one partner
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and Polyamory
Group marriage
Sexual practices
Cuckquean
Extramarital sex
Terms and values
New relationship energy
Relationship anarchy
Sexual jealousy
Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved.[1][2] It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".[3][4][5] People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.[6][better source needed]
Polyamory has come to be an umbrella term for various forms of non-monogamous, multi-partner relationships, or non-exclusive sexual or romantic relationships.[7][8][9] Its usage reflects the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved, but with recurring themes or values, such as love, intimacy, honesty, integrity, equality, communication, and commitment.[4][2]
3 As a practice
3.1 Values
3.2 Favorable preexisting conditions before non-monogamy
3.3 Effects upon domesticity
3.3.1 Custody ramifications
3.4 Compersion
3.4.1 Definitions of compersion
4 Philosophical aspects
6 Acceptance by religious organizations
7 Marriage implications
8 In a clinical setting
9 In the media
10 Difficulties
Main article: Terminology within polyamory
The word polyamorous first appeared in an article by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart, "A Bouquet of Lovers", published in May 1990 in Green Egg Magazine, as "poly-amorous".[10] In May 1992, Jennifer L. Wesp created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory, and the Oxford English Dictionary cites the proposal to create that group as the first verified appearance of the word.[10] In 1999 Zell-Ravenheart was asked by the editor of the OED to provide a definition of the term, and had provided it for the UK version as "the practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved."[11] The words polyamory, polyamorous, and polyamorist were added to the OED in 2006.[12]
Although some reference works define "polyamory" as a relational form (whether interpersonal or romantic or sexual) that involves multiple people with the consent of all the people involved,[13][14][15] the North American version of the OED[citation needed] declares it a philosophy of life, and some believe polyamory should be classified as an orientation or identity similar to romantic orientation, sexual orientation, or gender identity.[16]
Styles[edit]
Consensual non-monogamy, which polyamory falls under, can take many different forms, depending on the needs and preferences of the individual(s) involved in any specific relationship or set of relationships. As of 2019 fully one fifth of the United States population has, at some point in their lives, engaged in some sort of consensual non-monogamy.[17]
Kitchen table polyamory: Kitchen table polyamory is a style in which all members of a particular polycule are comfortable and connected enough with each other that it is not uncommon for them to literally gather around the kitchen table. Practitioners of this style may spend holidays, birthdays, or other important times together as a large group. This style places an emphasis on family-style connections, not all members are necessarily sexually or romantically involved with every other person in the group.[18][19]
Parallel polyamory: Parallel polyamory is a style in which members of individual relationships prefer not to meet or know details of their partners' other relationships. This is a companion term to kitchen table polyamory and one in which metamours may or may not ever interact.[18][19]
Solo poly: Solo polyamory is a style in which the individual has or is comfortable with having multiple intimate (romantic or sexual) relationships without wanting to cohabit or "nest" with any one partner. They eschew the "relationship escalator" which holds that relationships must follow a progression, or "escalator" from dating, to being exclusive, to becoming engaged, getting married and having children.[20][better source needed]
As a practice[edit]
(Outline)
Genetic or adoptive
By marriage
Open marriage
Mixed-orientation
Friendship (romantic)
Mutual monogamy
Cicisbeo
Courtesan
Meet market
Singles event
Hypergamy
Narcissistic parent
Separate from polyamory as a philosophical basis for relationships are the practical ways in which people who live polyamorously arrange their lives and handle certain issues, as compared to those of a more conventional monogamous arrangement.[6]
Polyamorous communities have been booming in countries within Europe, North America, and Oceania. In other parts of the world, such as, South America, Asia, and Africa there is a small growth in polyamory practices. There is not any particular gendered partner choice to polyamorous relationships. People of different sexual preferences are a part of the community[21].
Values[edit]
Main article: Values within polyamory
Fidelity and loyalty: A large percentage of polyamorists define fidelity not as sexual exclusivity, but as faithfulness to the promises and agreements made about a relationship.[22] As a relational practice, polyamory sustains a vast variety of open relationship or multi-partner constellations, which can differ in definition and grades of intensity, closeness and commitment.[23] For some, polyamory functions as an umbrella term for the multiple approaches of 'responsible non-monogamy'.[23] A secret sexual relationship that violates those accords would be seen as a breach of fidelity. Polyamorists generally base definitions of commitment on considerations other than sexual exclusivity, e.g. "trust and honesty" or "growing old together".[24]
Communication and negotiation: Because there is no "standard model" for polyamorous relationships, and reliance upon common expectations may not be realistic, polyamorists often[how often?] advocate explicitly negotiating with all involved to establish the terms of their relationships, and often emphasize that this should be an ongoing process of honest communication and respect. Polyamorists will usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; many accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to these ideals, and that communication is important for repairing any breaches.[25][26]
Trust, honesty, dignity, and respect: Most[original research?] polyamorists emphasize respect, trust, and honesty for all partners.[25][26] Ideally, a partner's partners are accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely tolerated, and usually a relationship that requires deception or a "don't ask don't tell" policy is seen as a less than ideal model.
Non-possessiveness: Many polyamorists[who?] view excessive restrictions on other deep relationships as less than desirable, as such restrictions can be used to replace trust with a framework of ownership and control. It is usually preferred or encouraged that a polyamorist strive to view their partners' other significant others (often referred to as metamours or OSOs)[27] in terms of the gain to their partners' lives rather than a threat to their own (see compersion). Therefore, jealousy and possessiveness are generally viewed not so much as something to avoid or structure the relationships around, but as responses that should be explored, understood, and resolved within each individual, with compersion as a goal.[28]
Favorable preexisting conditions before non-monogamy[edit]
Michael Shernoff cites two studies in his report on same-sex couples considering non-monogamy.[29]
Morin (1999) stated that a couple has a very good chance of adjusting to non-exclusivity if at least some of the following conditions exist:[29]
Both partners want their relationship to remain primary.
The couple has an established reservoir of good will.
There is a minimum of lingering resentments from past hurts and betrayals.
The partners are in agreement on the question of monogamy/non-monogamy.
The partners are feeling similarly powerful and autonomous.
Green and Mitchell (2002) stated that direct discussion of the following issues can provide the basis for honest and important conversations:[29]
Openness versus secrecy
Volition and equality versus coercion and inequality
Clarity and specificity of agreements versus confusion/vagueness
Honoring keeping agreements versus violating them
How each partner views non-monogamy.
According to Shernoff,[29] if the matter is discussed with a third party, such as a therapist, the task of the therapist is to "engage couples in conversations that let them decide for themselves whether sexual exclusivity or non-exclusivity is functional or dysfunctional for the relationship."
Effects upon domesticity[edit]
Benefits of a polyamorous relationship might include:[30]
The ability of individuals to discuss issues with multiple partners, potentially mediating and thus stabilizing a relationship, and reducing polarization of viewpoints.
Emotional support and structure from other committed adults within the familial unit.
A wider range of adult experience, skills, resources, and perspective.
Support for companionate marriages, which can be satisfying even if no longer sexually vital, since romantic needs are met elsewhere. This acts to preserve existing relationships.[31]
More emotional, intellectual and sexual needs met as part of the understanding that one person cannot be expected to provide them all. Conversely, polyamory offers release from the monogamist expectation that one person must meet all of an individual's needs (sex, emotional support, primary friendship, intellectual stimulation, companionship, social presentation).
Custody ramifications[edit]
In 1998, a Tennessee court granted guardianship of a child to her grandmother and step-grandfather after the child's mother April Divilbiss and partners outed themselves as polyamorous on MTV. After contesting the decision for two years, Divilbiss eventually agreed to relinquish her daughter, acknowledging that she was unable to adequately care for her child and that this, rather than her polyamory, had been the grandparents' real motivation in seeking custody.[32]
Compersion[edit]
See also: Mudita
Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship.[33]
The concept of compersion was originally coined by the Kerista Commune in San Francisco.[34][35][36]
Definitions of compersion[edit]
PolyOz—"the positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy."[37]
The Polyamory society—"the feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves, especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another".[34]
The InnKeeper—"A feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. … It's analogous to the joy parents feel when their children get married, or to the happiness felt between best friends when they find a partner."[38]
More Than Two - "A feeling of joy when a partner invests in and takes pleasure from another romantic or sexual relationship. Commentary: Compersion can be thought of as the opposite of "jealousy;" it is a positive emotional reaction to a lover's other relationship."[19]
Philosophical aspects[edit]
Bertrand Russell published Marriage and Morals in 1929, questioning contemporary notions of morality regarding monogamy in sex and marriage.[39] This viewpoint was criticized by John Dewey.[40]
A 2003 article in The Guardian[41] proposed six primary reasons for choosing polyamory:
a drive towards female independence and equality driven by feminism — Jim Fleckenstein, director of the Institute for 21st-Century Relationships,[who?] states that "Increased financial independence means that women can build relationships the way they want to."
disillusionment with monogamy — "because of widespread cheating and divorce."
a yearning for community — a felt need for the richness of "complex and deep relationships through extended networks" in response to the replacement and fragmentation of the extended family by nuclear families: "[W]e have become increasingly alienated, partly because of the 20th century's replacement of the extended family with the nuclear family. As a result, many of us are striving to create complex and deep relationships through extended networks of multiple lovers and extended families…. Polys agree that some people are monogamous by nature. But some of us are not, and more and more are refusing to be shoehorned into monogamy."
honesty and realism in respect of relational nature of human beings — "since so many people are already non-monogamous, why not develop a non-monogamy that is honest, responsible and socially acceptable? … It seems weird that having affairs is OK but being upfront about it is rocking the boat."[42]
human nature; and
individual non-matching of the traditional monogamous stereotype — a couple's response to a failure of monogamy, by reaching a consensus to accept the additional relationship.[43]
Prevalence[edit]
Research into the prevalence of polyamory has been limited. A comprehensive government study of sexual attitudes, behaviors and relationships in Finland in 1992 (age 18–75, around 50% female and male) found that around 200 out of 2250 (8.9%) respondents "agreed or strongly agreed" with the statement "I could maintain several sexual relationships at the same time" and 8.2% indicated a relationship type "that best suits" at the present stage of life would involve multiple partners. By contrast, when asked about other relationships at the same time as a steady relationship, around 17% stated they had had other partners while in a steady relationship (50% no, 17% yes, 33% refused to answer).[44]
The article What Psychology Professionals Should Know About Polyamory, based on a paper presented at the 8th Annual Diversity Conference in March 1999 in Albany, New York, states the following:
While openly polyamorous relationships are relatively rare (Rubin, 1982), there are indications that private polyamorous arrangements within relationships are actually quite common. Blumstein and Schwartz (1983, cited in Rubin & Adams, 1986) noted that of 3,574 married couples in their sample, 15–28% had an understanding that allows nonmonogamy under some circumstances. The percentages are higher among cohabitating couples (28%), lesbian couples (29%) and gay male couples (65%) (p. 312).[45]
Acceptance by religious organizations[edit]
See also: Fornication, Polygamy § Contemporary religious attitudes to polygamy, and Polyandry § Religious attitudes
The Oneida Community in the 1800s in New York (a Christian religious commune) believed strongly in a system of free love known as complex marriage,[46] where any member was free to have sex with any other who consented.[47] Possessiveness and exclusive relationships were frowned upon.[48]
Some people consider themselves Christian and polyamorous, but mainstream Christianity does not accept polyamory.[49]
In 2017, the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, an evangelical Christian organization, released a manifesto on human sexuality known as the "Nashville Statement". The statement was signed by 150 evangelical leaders, and includes 14 points of belief.[50] Among other things, it states, "We deny that God has designed marriage to be a homosexual, polygamous, or polyamorous relationship."[51][52]
Some Jews are polyamorous, but mainstream Judaism does not accept polyamory; however, Sharon Kleinbaum, the senior rabbi at Congregation Beit Simchat Torah in New York, said in 2013 that polyamory is a choice that does not preclude a Jewishly observant and socially conscious life.[53] In his book "A Guide to Jewish Practice: Volume 1 – Everyday Living," Rabbi David Teutsch wrote, "It is not obvious that monogamy is automatically a morally higher form of relationship than polygamy," and that if practiced with honesty, flexibility, egalitarian rules, and trust, practitioners may "live enriched lives as a result".[54]
Some polyamorous Jews point to biblical patriarchs having multiple wives and concubines as evidence that polyamorous relationships can be sacred in Judaism.[55] An email list was founded dedicated to polyamorous Jews, called AhavaRaba, which roughly translates to "big love" in Hebrew,[56] and whose name echoes God's "great" or "abounding" love mentioned in the Ahava rabbah prayer.[57]
LaVeyan Satanism is critical of Abrahamic sexual mores, considering them narrow, restrictive and hypocritical. Satanists are pluralists, accepting polyamorists, bisexuals, lesbians, gays, BDSM, transgender people, and asexuals. Sex is viewed as an indulgence, but one that should only be freely entered into with consent. The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth only give two instructions regarding sex: "Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal" and "Do not harm little children," though the latter is much broader and encompasses physical and other abuse. This has always been consistent part of CoS policy since its inception in 1966, as Peter H. Gillmore wrote in an essay supporting same-sex marriage:
Finally, since certain people try to suggest that our attitude on sexuality is "anything goes" despite our stated base principle of "responsibility to the responsible", we must reiterate another fundamental dictate: The Church of Satan's philosophy strictly forbids sexual activity with children as well as with non-human animals.
—  Magister Peter H. Gilmore[58]
Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness, founded in 2001, has engaged in ongoing education and advocacy for greater understanding and acceptance of polyamory within the Unitarian Universalist Association.[59] At the 2014 General Assembly, two UUPA members moved to include the category of "family and relationship structures" in the UUA's nondiscrimination rule, along with other amendments; the package of proposed amendments was ratified by the GA delegates.[60]
Marriage implications[edit]
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Start of polyamory contingent at San Francisco Pride 2004
Bigamy is the act of marrying one person while already being married to another, and is legally prohibited in most countries in which monogamy is the cultural norm. Some bigamy statutes are broad enough to potentially encompass polyamorous relationships involving cohabitation, even if none of the participants claim marriage to more than one partner.
In most countries, it is legal for three or more people to form and share a sexual relationship (subject sometimes to laws against homosexuality or adultery if two of the three are married). With only minor exceptions no developed countries permit marriage among more than two people, nor do the majority of countries give legal protection (e.g., of rights relating to children) to non-married partners. Individuals involved in polyamorous relationships are generally considered by the law to be no different from people who live together, or "date", under other circumstances. In 2017 John Alejandro Rodriguez, Victor Hugo Prada, and Manuel Jose Bermudez become Colombia's first polyamorous family to have a legally recognized relationship,[61] though not a marriage: "By Colombian law a marriage is between two people, so we had to come up with a new word: a special patrimonial union."[62]
In many jurisdictions where same-sex couples can access civil unions or registered partnerships, these are often intended as parallel institutions to that of heterosexual monogamous marriage. Accordingly, they include parallel entitlements, obligations, and limitations. Among the latter, as in the case of the New Zealand Civil Union Act 2005, there are parallel prohibitions on civil unions with more than one partner, which is considered bigamy, or dual marriage/civil union hybrids with more than one person. Both are banned under Sections 205–206 of the Crimes Act 1961. In jurisdictions where same-sex marriage proper exists, bigamous same-sex marriages fall under the same set of legal prohibitions as bigamous heterosexual marriages. As yet, there is no case law applicable to these issues.[63]
Having multiple non-marital partners, even if married to one, is legal in most U.S. jurisdictions; at most it constitutes grounds for divorce if the spouse is non-consenting, or feels that the interest in a further partner has destabilized the marriage. In jurisdictions where civil unions or registered partnerships are recognized, the same principle applies to divorce in those contexts. There are exceptions to this: in North Carolina, a spouse can sue a third party for causing "loss of affection" in or "criminal conversation" (adultery) with their spouse,[64] and more than twenty states in the US have laws against adultery[65] although they are infrequently enforced. Some states were prompted to review their laws criminalizing consensual sexual activity in the wake of the Supreme Court's ruling in Lawrence v. Texas.
If marriage is intended, some countries provide for both a religious marriage and a civil ceremony (sometimes combined). These recognize and formalize the relationship. Few countries outside of Africa or Asia give legal recognition to marriages with three or more partners. While a recent case in the Netherlands was commonly read as demonstrating that Dutch law permitted multiple-partner civil unions,[66] the relationship in question was a samenlevingscontract, or "cohabitation contract", and not a registered partnership or marriage.[67][68] The Netherlands' law concerning registered partnerships provides that
a person may be involved in one only registered partnership with one other person whether of the same or of opposite sex at any one time.
persons who enter into a registered partnership may not at the same time be married.
Authors have explored legalistic ramifications of polyamorous marriage.
The "dyadic networks" model[69] calls for the revision of existing laws against bigamy to permit married persons to enter into additional marriages, provided that they have first given legal notice to their existing marital partner or partners.
Ronald C. Den Otter has stated that in the United States the Constitutional rights of due process and equal protection fully support marriage rights for polyamorous families.[70]
In a clinical setting[edit]
In 2002, a paper titled Working with polyamorous clients in the clinical setting (Davidson)[71] addressed the following areas of inquiry:
Why is it important that we talk about alternatives to monogamy now?
How can therapists prepare to work with people who are exploring polyamory?
What basic understandings about polyamory are needed?
What key issues do therapists need to watch for in the course of working with polyamorous clients?
Its conclusions were that "Sweeping changes are occurring in the sexual and relational landscape" (including "dissatisfaction with limitations of serial monogamy, i.e. exchanging one partner for another in the hope of a better outcome"); that clinicians need to start by "recognizing the array of possibilities that 'polyamory' encompasses" and "examine our culturally-based assumption that 'only monogamy is acceptable'" and how this bias impacts on the practice of therapy; the need for self-education about polyamory, basic understandings about the "rewards of the poly lifestyle" and the common social and relationship challenges faced by those involved, and the "shadow side" of polyamory, the potential existing for coercion, strong emotions in opposition, and jealousy.
The paper also states that the configurations a therapist would be "most likely to see in practice" are individuals involved in primary-plus arrangements, monogamous couples wishing to explore non-monogamy for the first time, and "poly singles".
A manual for psychotherapists who deal with polyamorous clients was published in September 2009 by the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom What Psychotherapists Should Know About Polyamory.[72][73]
In the media[edit]
See also: List of polyamorous characters in fiction
Polyamory: Married & Dating was an American reality television series on the American pay television network Showtime. The series followed polyamorous families as they navigated the challenges presented by polyamory. The series ran in 2012 and 2013.
During a PinkNews question-and-answer session in May 2015, Redfern Jon Barrett questioned Natalie Bennett, leader of the Green Party of England and Wales, about her party's stance towards polyamorous marriage rights. Bennett responded by saying that her party is "open" to discussion on the idea of civil partnership or marriages between three people.[74] Bennett's announcement aroused media controversy on the topic and led to major international news outlets covering her answer.[75][76] A follow-up article written by Barrett was published by PinkNews on May 4, 2015, further exploring the topic.[77]. You Me Her is an American-Canadian comedy-drama television series that revolves around a suburban married couple who is entering a three-way romantic relationship.
On May 29, 2017, in the last season of Steven Universe, Fluorite, a member of the Off Colors, a fusion of six different gems into one being, with fusion as the physical manifestation of a relationship, was introduced.[78] This character reappeared in various episodes in the show's fifth season, along with one in Steven Universe Future ("Little Graduation") and in Steven Universe: The Movie, with the latter two as non-speaking appearances.[79][80][81][82][83][84] The series creator, Rebecca Sugar, confirmed that Flourite is a representation of a polyamorous relationship at the show's Comic Con panel in San Diego.[85][86] Sugar said at the panel, and at another conference, that she was inspired after talking with children at an LBGTQ+ center in Long Beach, California, who wanted a polyamorous character in the show.[85][87][86]
Polyamory was the subject of the 2018 Louis Theroux documentary Love Without Limits, where Theroux travels to Portland, Oregon to meet a number of people engaged in polyamorous relationships.[88]
Also in 2018, "195 Lewis," a web series about a black lesbian couple dealing with their relationship being newly polyamorous, received the Breakthrough Series – Short Form award from the Gotham Awards.[89] The series premiered in 2017 and ran for five episodes.[90]
In 2019, Simpsons showrunner Al Jean said he saw Lisa Simpson as being "possibly polyamorous" in the future.[91]
Difficulties[edit]
Polyamory, along with other forms of consensual non-monogamy, is not without drawbacks. Morin (1999) and Fleckenstein (2014) noted that certain conditions are favorable to good experiences with polyamory, but that these differ from the general population.[29][92] Heavy public promotion of polyamory can have the unintended effect of attracting people to it for whom it is not well-suited. Unequal power dynamics, such as financial dependence, can also inappropriately influence a person to agree to a polyamorous relationship against their true desires. Even in more equal power dynamic relationships, the reluctant partner may feel coerced into a proposed non-monogamous arrangement due to the implication that if they refuse, the proposer will pursue other partners anyway, will break off the relationship, or that the one refusing will be accused of intolerance.[93][94]
To date, scientific study of polyamory has run into bias and methodological issues.
A significant number of studies rely on small samples, often recruited from referrals, snowball sampling, and websites devoted to polyamory. Individuals recruited in this manner tend to be relatively homogeneous in terms of values, beliefs, and demographics, which limits the generalizability of the findings.[95]
These samples also tend to be self-selecting toward individuals with positive experiences, whereas those who found polyamory to be distressing or hurtful might be more reluctant to participate in the research.[95]
Most of the studies rely entirely on self-report measures. Generally, self-reports of the degree of well-being and relationship satisfaction over time are flawed, and are often based on belief rather than actual experience.[95][94]
Self-report measures are also at risk of self-enhancement bias, as subjects may feel pressure to give positive responses about their well-being and relationship satisfaction in the face of stereotype threat.[95] This disparity was noted by Moors et al. (2014), who compared respondents expressing interest in consensual non-monogamy drawn from the general population to those drawn from online communities devoted to discussing positive aspects of non-monogamy.[96]
In academic works involving volunteer interviews, the participant is almost always a single partner of such relationships or a small group where certain partners are not present, resulting in one-sided views being recorded about the relationship.[94]
Polyamorous relationships present practical pitfalls.
One common complaint from participants is time management, as more partners means one must divide one's time and attention up between them, leaving less for each.[94][97]
Related is that the complexity of the arrangement can lead to so much effort being spent on the relationship that personal, individual needs can be overlooked.[98]
Another potential issue is lopsided power dynamics, such as one partner having significantly more resources, being more attractive or being much better at initiating new relationships, making the arrangement clearly more beneficial to that partner than the others.[94]
The strong emphasis on communication can unintentionally marginalize partners who are less articulate.[98]
Finally, negotiating the sometimes complex rules and boundaries of these relationships can be emotionally taxing, as can reconciling situations where one partner goes outside those boundaries.[98][94][97]
Symbols[edit]
A number of symbols have been created to represent polyamory. These include a parrot (a pun, as "Polly" is a common name for domesticated parrots)[99][100][101] and the infinity heart. The "infinity heart" symbol has appeared on pins, T-shirts, bumper stickers and other media.[102][103] The polyamory pride flag, designed by Jim Evans in 1995, has stripes of blue (representing openness and honesty among all partners), red (representing love and passion), and black (representing solidarity with those who must hide their polyamorous relationships from the outside world). In the center of the flag is a gold Greek lowercase letter "pi", as the first letter of "polyamory". Gold represents "the value that we place on the emotional attachment to others... as opposed to merely primarily physical relationships".[104] There is also a similar ribbon.[105] There have been a number of alternative flags developed by the polyamory community since 1995 that incorporate both the original colors and the infinity heart sign.
"Infinity Heart"
Polyamory pride flag
A parrot, a symbol used to represent Polyamory
Romantic orientation
Family: the web series
List of polyamorists
List of polyamorous characters in fiction
Polyday
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Easton, Dossie, and Liszt, Catherine. 1997. The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities. ISBN 1890159018.
Labriola, Kathy (2010). Love in Abundance: A Counselor's Advice on Open Relationships. Greenery Press.
Ravenscroft, Anthony. 2004. Polyamory: roadmaps for the clueless and hopeful. ISBN 1890109533.
Stewart, Kate. 2013. The Open Relationship Handbook ISBN 9781483501512
Taormino, Tristan. 2008. Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships ISBN 978-1573442954.
Veaux, Franklin; Rickert, Eve. 2014. More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory, ISBN (paperback): 978-0-9913997-0-3, ISBN (Kindle/ePub): 978-0-9913997-2-7.
Polyamoryat Deep web's sister projects
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The Kenneth R. Haslam Collection on Polyamory hosted at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction includes a wide variety of materials related to polyamory, along with research data.
Polyamory Bibliography from the Kinsey Institute.
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Is chess king in Africa? No... Africa is home of world's #11 checker player!!
Chess and Checkers have been friendly cousins for thousands of years. The Moors of Spain were noted players in both of these venerable board games before the each game met their respective transformations. The Senegalese (descendants of the great Moorish Almoravids) are also known as a powerful nation in checkers (called "draughts, but originally known as "el-Quirkat"). It appears that draughts uses the 10X10 board and each side starts with 20 men, but the basic rules for checkers apply. For the uninitiated, draughts has locks, pins, traps and tactics just like chess. The country has produced one of the world's top players in GM Ndiaga Samb who currently is ranked #11 in the World Draughts Federation with a rating of 2380. If one would equate that to the FIDE ratings of chess, he'd no doubt be 2700+.
The Senegelese native (now living in Holland) earned his International Master (IM) title in 1992 and his Grandmaster (GM) title last year. He's said to be very aggressive and from seeing his games, he appears to be very tactical. . . in one game, he sacked six men to reel off a winning combination (or coup)! While chess is not very popular in Senegal (or most French-speaking African nations), hopefully the accomplishments of GM Samb (and players like GM Bassem Ba of Senegal) will encourage the players in the region to examine the beauty of board games (sport) like chess. Certainly, the talent of the heralded master is proof that there are chess GMs in the making!!
Note: Thanks to Wade Thames of California for sending this information about GM Samb.


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Weekend Getaways in NY
21 Best Romantic Getaways in New York
Top New York vacations for couples include getaways in the Hudson Valley, Adirondacks, the Finger Lakes and the Hamptons.
25 Best Things to Do in Syracuse, NY
The central NY city of Syracuse is home to a vibrant history, a beautiful lake, and some of the highest snowfall rates in the country.
25 Best Things to Do in Saratoga Springs, New York
Saratoga Springs is a perfect weekend destination for those who like healing mineral springs, horse racing and beautiful nature.
Where to Travel Now
25 Best New York Lakes
New York is home to 7,600 freshwater lakes, ponds, and reservoirs, including the beautiful Finger Lakes as well as portions of two of the Great Lakes.
25 Best Long Island Restaurants
Long Island restaurants offer plenty of fresh seafood and fish as well as seasonal local produce and wines from local wineries.
15 Best Things to Do in Niagara Falls
Visit Niagara Falls to see the awe-inspiring waterfalls, view exotic animals, walk through gardens and have fun at a waterpark.
20 Best Castles in New York
The state of New York is home to not only bustling cities and beautiful landscapes, but also some of the world's most magnificent castles.
25 Best Things to Do in the Catskills
Plan a relaxing weekend enjoying the outdoors in the Catskills, New York.
More Feature Stories
25 Best Things to Do in Queens, New York
Visit MoMA PS1, the Noguchi Museum, the beautiful Queens Botanical Garden, the New York Hall of Science and other great attractions in Queens.
25 Most Beautiful Mountains in New York
New York State is home to several gorgeous and ancient mountain ranges, including the Adirondack Mountains, the Catskill Mountains, and part of the Appalachian Mountain Range.
Best Things to See & Do in New York City
25 Best Things to Do in Queens
25 Best Things To Do in Brooklyn
Best NYC Tours
Weekend Getaways from NYC
Unique Weekend Getaways in NY
Upstate New York vacation: Rochester, New York
Known for its innovation and history for being the biggest flour supplier in the country, Rochester has boomed into a great city with attractions for all ages. Have you ever wondered what a game lover's wonderland would look like? The Strong - National Museum of Play is it. The Strong features 150,000 square feet of exhibits dedicated to board games, dolls, and other toys. Not to be overlooked, the Rochester Museum and Science Center is home to a climbing wall, zap lasers, and a catapult, and it even gives kids the chance to build their own robots. Meanwhile, older museum visitors are sure to enjoy a trip to the George Eastman Museum, the world's oldest museum of photography.
Visitors can experience a delightful encounter with Rochester's beautiful gardens at the 150-acre Highland Park and its world-class arboretum or at Durant Eastman Park's 977-acre waterfront grounds. Those looking for the perfect adventure at Rochester can set off on the 24-mile multi-use Genesee Riverway Trail or venture off onto the picturesque walking trails of Cobbs Hill Park. A visit to Rochester is not complete without a visit to the Rochester City Ballet, an award-winning performing company of contemporary ballets, while thrill seekers should definitely spend a day at the Seabreeze Amusement Park, one of New York's oldest amusement parks.
Great Lake George getaways: Sun Castle Resort and The Sagamore.
There's absolutely no doubt that Brooklyn is one of the hippest boroughs in New York City. Its prominent culture and hip movements are well loved, and during your vacation here you are bound to make some of your fondest memories. Start your visit to Brooklyn at the iconic Luna Park on Coney Island, an amusement park home to the historic Cyclone Roller Coaster and the beloved Funny Face Tickler Ride. After, delve into the world of Brooklyn's thriving art community at BRIC Arts Media, which features various exhibitions and performing arts shows. More of the boroughs' amazing art can be viewed at one of the country's most influential cultural institutions, the Brooklyn Museum. Make sure to see their collection of Native American art, a showcase that remains unrivaled to this day. Other notable museums include the Wyckoff House Museum, the Waterfront Museum, and the Brooklyn Children's Museum.
An absolute must-see destination in New York City as a whole, let alone Brooklyn, is the Brooklyn Flea. Known as the "mother of all markets," the Brooklyn Flea boasts some of the best deals in town for things like vintage furniture to second hand designer clothing. A similar must visit market is Smorgasburg, which features 70 vendors selling the best culinary treats the city has to offer. For a taste of Brooklyn's history, pass through the Brooklyn Historical Society and see some of the city's greatest architectural treasures. Some of the unique and enjoyable tours available include the Get Up and Ride bike tour through the lesser-known areas of the borough and the exclusive Brooklyn Unplugged Tours. More ideas: 25 Best Romantic Restaurants in Brooklyn, NY.
Offering a quintessential experience for visitors from all over the globe, Queens is a spectacular borough to visit and explore when navigating the busy streets of New York City. If you only have time to see one museum on your trip to Queens, you must under no circumstances miss out on the MoMA PS1, one of the largest museums in America dedicated solely to contemporary art. On the other hand, at the New York Hall of Science, there are over 400 hands-on science and technology exhibits to navigate and use to expand your knowledge.
If the city is getting to be a little too much for you, retreat to the gorgeous Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge and watch the diamondback turtles laying their eggs while enjoying the breeze of the open water and salt marshes. Equally worth a visit is the largest urban beach in the country, Rockaway Beach, which even features a sunken ship just off Pier Five that is perfect for a quick diving expedition. Families traveling with youngsters or animal lovers in general should pay a visit to the Queens Zoo and Aquarium to meet the 75 species of animals currently residing on the spacious 18-acre premises.
Set off on a charming vacation to the small and idyllic town of New Paltz nestled between the beautiful city of Albany and the vibrant and lively New York City. New Paltz features a gorgeous landscape that simply takes your breath away. One of these beautiful views can be found at the Minnewaska State Park, which offers visitors use of newly opened camping facilities and access to over 50 miles of trails. Equally beautiful is the Mohonk Preserve, which spans over 8,000 acres of land perfect for guests looking to take part in some recreational activities like hiking or biking. An easy yet still scenic stroll can be enjoyed at the 22-mile long path at the Wallkill Valley Rail Trail.
Wine aficionados can pay a visit to the Robidero Family Vineyards to taste some exquisite artisanal wine, while family fun and apple picking on a 300 acre farm is exactly what Dressel Farms is all about. Take advantage of New Paltz's unobstructed view of the sky and head to the John R. Kirk Planetarium to see images of stars, planets, and stunning astronomical images projected onto the planetarium's dome. Of course, trips to local art exhibits are always worth the time, so pay a visit to G. Steve Jordan Gallery to see New Paltz captured in photographs or to the DM Weil Gallery where guests are promised an exciting experience.
Explore the rich history, culture, and art that Albany has to offer at its many attractions and must-see locations. The sightseeing opportunities in Albany are endless and are made even better when exploring the city with your family in tow. An enjoyable family tour starts at the Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller Empire State Plaza, a complex of buildings built between 1965 and 1976 that includes the Legislative Office Building and the Swan Street Building. Also worthy of touring is the Corning Tower, which features an observation deck on the 42nd floor and an incredible view of the city and the Hudson River.
Families fond of history tours will love a trip to the Schuyler Mansion, the former home of U.S. Senator and Revolutionary War General Philip Shuyler. One mustn't forget to stop by Albany City Hall and the New York State Capitol either. Stop by the Washington Park to enjoy the shade of giant oaks or to admire the beautifully constructed Lakehouse Amphitheater and statues. For culture and history, the New York State Museum offers excellent and significant collections of historical artifacts. Equally exciting is the Albany Institute of History and Art, one of the country's oldest museums, which is devoted to the history, heritage, art, and culture of Albany and the Upper Hudson Valley area.
Take a trip to the beautiful and historic town of Kingston, which is nestled in the center of the Hudson River Valley and marks the halfway point between New York City and Albany. Dating back to 1652, the town of Kingston began with the arrival of Dutch settlers. This history can be explored at the Kingston Uptown Historic District where National Historic Landmarks like the Old Dutch church still stand today. The history of the Hudson River, on the other hand, is best discovered at the Hudson River Maritime Museum, which features displays of artifacts from river steamships, marine-related paintings, and old maps. You can also pay a visit to the historic Rondout Lighthouse to explore one of seven lighthouses that still stand on the Hudson River, only three of which remain operational.
Other historical gems to explore in Kingston include the Matthewis Persen House, the oldest building in Ulster County, and the Senate House State Historic Site, which marks the location where the entire state of New York was established in 1777. The Den of Marbletown is sure to be an enjoyable trip for the family, as it is home to the Teddy Bear Museum and also operates as a bed and breakfast. The town definitely boasts an interesting history, but be sure to take a break at the Forsyth Nature Center, which offers a lovely and vibrant preservation of flora and fauna.
Visitors are sure to have an enjoyable and memorable vacation at Poughkeepsie, the "Queen City of the Hudson." Start your visit to Poughkeepsie with a tour through the Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center. Located at Vassar College, the art center features works from antiquity to contemporary pieces such as the Warburg Collection of Old Masters prints. One National Historic Landmark to see is the Locust Grove Estate, which features an Italian style mansion, over 15,000 pieces of furniture, and 19th-century carriage roads. The Mid-Hudson Children's Museum is a spectacular destination for kids thanks to its various playground workshops, camps, and planetarium shows.
Explore Poughkeepsie from 212 feet up in the air and walk along the 1.28-mile long pedestrian path of Walkway over the Hudson. Fans of the opera or performing arts in general can catch a show at the oldest operating theater in the state of New York, the Bardavon Opera House. However, arguably one of the best ways to explore Poughkeepsie and the Hudson River is with a cruise on the M/V Mystère, a 60-foot vessel with double decks operated by the Empire Cruise Lines. The cruise will take guests on a lovely and scenic trip that boasts some of the most stunning views of the Hudson Valley.
There's no shortage of family fun and fantastic places to explore and discover in the gorgeous city of Buffalo, New York. Inspiring and incredibly impressive, a visit to the Buffalo and Eerie County Botanical Gardens, designed by Frederick Law Olmsted, is the perfect way to start the trip. Also designed by Olmsted is Delaware Park, a 350-acre refuge and recreational park with sprawling meadows and great locations for picnics. For an enjoyable afternoon by the harbor, head to Erie Basin marine where locals spend their leisure time walking, jogging, boating, or kayaking around the water.
With so much to see in the city, one of the best ways to explore it all is by taking part in the Segway tours of the Buffalo Touring Company, which takes visitors to all the historical hotspots that Buffalo has to offer. Of course, it goes without saying that the historic Buffalo River also deserves a visit and the Buffalo River History Tours offers an awesome 90-minute tour. The Buffalo Pedal Tours also offers a unique experience as it takes participants through the city's famous destinations and local favorites on a green pedal limo. Better yet, set sail at Erie Canal on a 73-foot schooner for the adventure of a lifetime with Spirit of Buffalo - Buffalo Sailing Adventures.
Hudson, New York
A beautiful vacation spot for weekenders looking to get away from the hustle and bustle of New York City, Hudson is truly charming little town situated on the banks of the Hudson River. Stop by the FASNY Museum of Firefighting to explore a detailed history of New York's firefighters along with rare artifacts associated with the profession in general. Also included in the museum is a collection of gear worn by firefighters of the past and present. Enjoy a taste of Hudson's history and old architecture as well at the Crimson Sparrow, a historic Keystone Building that now houses a tavern-style restaurant. Meanwhile, the Olana State Historic Site offers a look into Hudson's beautiful architecture through the past home of Frederic Edwin Church, a famous landscape artist.
Take a public or private cruise of the Hudson River aboard the Marika, a 100-foot luxury yacht, and participate in various themed tours like a Murder Mystery or Weekend Hudson Valley Sightseeing Tour care of the Hudson Cruises. For a taste of Hudson's culture and arts, visit the community theater of Stageworks Hudson to catch shows performed by up-and-coming artists or stop by the Carrie Haddad Gallery to see works by Hudson's emerging artists.
Montauk, Long Island
Head to the historical hamlet of Montauk for an enjoyable weekend getaway filled with sun, sand, and gorgeous sights. Since Montauk is home to some unbelievably beautiful state parks, it's only logical to start your trip with a visit to one such park. At the Hither Hills State Park, visitors can enjoy an overnight camping trip at one of 153 sites situated along the coast of the Atlantic Ocean. A day picnicking and frolicking in the beach is exactly what you can look forward to at the Shadmoor State Park, which, interestingly, is also home to some preserved artillery bunkers from World War II. On the other hand, visitors will find glorious and undisturbed wildlife at Camp Hero State Park, along with various maintained trails to explore while water activities like fishing and surfing are best at the Montauk Point State Park and its rocky shoreline.
For fun farther inland, guests can spend a relaxing afternoon enjoying the view of the harbor and other luxurious comforts at the Montauk Yacht Club. You can also catch a ferry trip from Montauk to other destinations such as Martha's Vineyard and Block Island at the pier of Lake Montauk. Another place worthy of exploration is the Deep Hollow Ranch where real cowboys and cowgirls will lead visitors on a spectacular horseback tour of the countryside.
Saratoga Springs, New York
Explore the best of the Hudson Valley's healing springs, exciting racehorses, and more at Saratoga Springs, New York. Featuring the best of New York's thoroughbred racing, the Saratoga Race Course immerses guests in the electric atmosphere that only a horse race can provide. After the race, be sure to tour the track to learn about its history through the years. Visitors who are truly passionate about horseracing can learn more about the sport at the National Museum of Racing and Hall of Face, which is home to interesting exhibits and artifacts from the sport's rich history. History buffs, on the other hand, will love a trip to the New York State Military Museum. Founded in 1863, the museum has amassed a noteworthy collection of military artifacts from the Revolutionary War onwards.
As a National Historic Landmark of the city, the Saratoga Spa State Park is another must-see destination. It's also home to the Performing Arts Center, which will undoubtedly provide guests with a culturally memorable experience. While you're in the area, be sure to visit the National Museum of Dance and delve into the history of the art form and its many styles. End the trip with an exploration of the Hudson Valley by taking a scenic ride along the Hudson River then cross through the Adirondacks in the vintage rail cars of the Saratoga and North Creek Railway.
Upstate New York vacation: Niagara Falls
Of the many places in the United States to journey to and discover, Niagara Falls should definitely be at least on the top ten of an avid traveler's list. Bordering both New York and Ontario, the falls present a tremendous array of beautiful things to see and do. Start by getting as close as possible to the natural wonder of the Niagara Falls and enjoy a light spray from the mighty cascading waters aboard Canada's Hornblower Niagara Cruises. Adventurous travelers can also get to the heart of the falls by navigating a network of tunnels at Journey Behind the Falls or cross a one-kilometer long section of Niagara Whirlpool aboard the cable driven Whirlpool Aero Car. Don't forget to catch a ride on the Niagara SkyWheel in Ontario for a stunning view of the falls and the landscape that surrounds it.
On the New York side, the Cave of Winds Tours takes participants on an action packed and heart pumping walk into the mist of the falls. Better yet, hop aboard the Maid of the Mist and venture close to the falls to hear the impressive and thundering roar of water falling by the gallons into misty pools. A spot of outlet shopping and incredible bargains can also be found at the Fashion Outlets of Niagara in New York State.
Ready for a quick getaway? Head to the beautiful and lush landscape of the Hudson Valley for exciting adventures and relaxing destinations. With 54 gorgeous rooms all in all, the Vanderbilt Mansion National Historic Site is an architectural gem to visit thanks to its unique Beaux-Art construction. At the Hudson Valley, tourists can also discover the only National Historic Site in the country dedicated to a First Lady at the Eleanor Roosevelt National Historic. They can learn all about Eleanor Roosevelt's efforts to provide jobs for rural workers and empower women. When it comes to wildlife and nature, the Hudson Valley has it by the bucket load with the best of its wildlife at the Teatown Lake Reservation.
Tourists can see waterfalls, rivers, and a beautiful vista while enjoying various recreational activities at the Cohoe Falls at Falls View Park, which also features informational panels to educate visitors about the area. A popular destination to visit and designed to reflect the gardens found in Asian art, the Innisfree garden features 150 acres of manicured gardens, gentle waterfalls, and streams, and it can be explored with an easy-to-follow self-guided tour. Soak up the culture of the valley and develop a deeper understanding of contemporary art and the way it connects to the issues of today at the 12,000 square foot Hudson Valley Center for Contemporary Art. Don't forget to let the kids have a truly enjoyable time at the interactive exhibits of SUNY Poly's Children's Museum of Science and Technology.
With a rich history and unique locations to visit, New York's Finger Lakes has certainly grown into one of the most popular weekend destinations. Jump head first into the incredible historical sights of Finger Lakes with a visit to the Harriet Tubman Home and see how the woman responsible for freeing over 300 slaves lived. Various locations also pay homage to the Women's Rights Movement, which started in Seneca Falls. These include the Women's Rights Hall of Fame and the Women's Rights National Historic Park. For a taste of Finger Lake's art, head to the Rockwell Museum, which is dedicated solely to American art, or visit the Corning Museum of Glass, which features 35 years of glassmaking history and artifacts.
Get an exhilarating family summer vacation started with an adrenaline-pumping trip to the Seabreeze Amusement Park. More family fun can be had getting to know animal life and learning about the animal kingdom in general at the Rosamond Gifford Zoo. For visitors looking for a little more adventure, grab your skis and head to the Greek Peak Mountain resort for an action packed experience on the slopes. At the Painter Bar Stables, visitors of all ages can enjoy a leisurely horseback ride around Seneca Lake's southern tip. However, if you're looking for a crazy, once-in-a-lifetime experience, head for the Finger Lakes Skydivers and get ready to soar through the skies on a 10,000-foot tandem jump. More ideas: The Chalet of Canandaigua and The Black Sheep Inn and Spa.
Family fun and awesome adventures are just waiting to be had at the beautiful location of Lake Placid at the Adirondacks. Start your vacation at one of the most beautiful natural attractions of Lake Placid, the High Falls Gorge, and trek around the various trails or cross bridges that look out onto glorious views. Kids will love a trip to the Bowlwinkles, which features two bounce houses, a psychedelic bowling alley, and exciting laser tag facilities. Still looking for more? Head to the lake and go stand-up paddle boarding or pack a bag and some hot cocoa before setting off to hike up one of the Adirondack High Peaks.
As far as historical sights go, Lake Placid, often referred to as America's First Winter Resort, has some incredible places to discover. Visit the John Brown Farm State Historic Site and learn all about John Brown, the famous abolitionist who lived during the Civil War, and visit his final resting place. Visitors are also welcome to visit the sites of the 1980 and 1932 Olympic Games, which feature informational tidbits from the events. An enriching family experience can also be had at the Lake Placid Center for the Arts, which houses galleries and exhibitions dedicated to music, dance, theater, art, and film. Great places to stay include Lake Placid Lodge and Mirror Lake Inn.
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