Wow! We made it to Cayden's birthday, with only a little stress. This normally chaotic and stressful time, was definitely eased by this journey of sharing. I hope I have blessed you with my stories, and helped you to see that ANY life is worth living no matter how short, or how challenged, or how trying.
Without Cayden, I would be a different person. Not sure I know quite how, but I am sure my life would have taken a different turn. Like I shared in yesterday's post, if he had been born 'normal' I might be a working mom, running from place to place, trying to juggle the activities and sports of 3 kids, while I did theatre design work on the side. If he had just died in utero, I might have been changed, but differently than I was by getting the blessing of spending 4 ½ years with Cayden. If he had not died, and still was with us, my life would still be changed, but perhaps not as much as I might imagine. It's hard to tell.
So I am continuing to walk along this new path that God has set before me, doing my best to follow his lead. Some days I get off into the brambles, and I pay for it with some spiritual 'poison ivy' that I might have avoided if only I had been obedient. I strive to use God's Positioning System for my life, allowing Him to have the stress of leadership, while I am His compliant servant. It is a challenge for me to be compliant, that's true, but I'm working on it.
So this is our ending place, for now. I need to close the memory banks & photo books, to allow my heart to heal again. It's been a month of raw emotion, of remembering the pain, the stress and the joy. There is much more to say, but that can wait for another time.
I want to close my series with a poem I wrote many years ago, when the wounds were still raw, and the pain was almost too much to bear. I wrote it for Skylar, to try to ease her pain, and to explain to her why it was okay that Cayden was gone. Ideally, this will someday become a children's book, perhaps with my own illustrations, but until then, I feel that I am healed enough to share it with the small world of readers I have here on my blog. No eyes but my own have seen this until now.
Enjoy, and know I appreciate your prayers, your praise is humbly accepted but unnecessary, as I know I am doing His work, by sharing Cayden with you.
I answer, "I don't know, dear, only God knows really why.
But it's Cayden's life that's different now, in so many ways.
Here on earth, our Cayden, he couldn't do a lot.
He couldn't hear, he couldn't walk, and he couldn't really talk.
Waiting for us to push him so he could move from here to there.
But now, up there in Heaven, Cayden gets to run and play!
His legs work great and he can sing & dance the day away!
He needed all his food pureed into a mushy meat.
Everything is wonderful and he can chew it too!
The sunlight hurt his eyes if he forgot to wear a hat.
Now he sees the crystal city and streets of gold — so bright!
There is no sun in Heaven, because Jesus is the Light!
But now, in Heaven, he is always hearing angels sing.
Cayden couldn't speak well, only said a few small words.
He needed a computer to make his thoughts be heard.
Singing praise to Jesus Christ the King in total happiness.
On Earth, your brother Cayden often had a lot of pain.
We did a lot to help him but he often cried in vain.
In Heaven, Cayden cries no more and he feels no more pain.
He never has to die again, or face any more strain.
I know you miss your big brother, we all miss him too.
I miss his smile, his giggle and his sloppy kisses –ew!
Now Cayden is with Jesus, and his body is brand new!
If only we believe in Him and ask Him in our lives.
Sorry for the late post, I apologize. I was busy getting ready to start school with the kids tomorrow, trying desperately to complete the re-finishing of Skylar's new/old desk. This is what happens these days… when I am deep in the recesses of my mind, remembering all the good and bad times that came with Cayden, my two living kids find me & demand my attention. Life goes on, doesn't it?
I was talking with a friend this morning at church and she said how inspiring my posts are, how they make her want to do more for her son who has some special needs of his own. Another mom said how she is a little awed by me and my advocacy and persistence for Cayden. Others have commented on how great a mom I was/am. I feel very humbled by these comments & truly appreciate them, ladies & men (you know who you are). But this praise is not the reason I am sharing my heart and soul.
So why am I writing all this? Why am I putting myself to this challenge?
I write to raise awareness. I'm sure many of you reading have not heard of holoprosencephaly before reading these posts. Its a challenging word, with a challenging life, as long or short it may be. Maybe this little bit of information can bring some curiosity, for you to learn what it all means, how to help, and how not to judge a child who has severe disabilities and possibly facial malformations. Their soul is the same as yours and mine, and worthy of respect and honor. They are not vegetables, they are people! They are not necessary abortions, they are children of God.
For you, fellow HPE parents, I write to show you the HoPE that can be found in the diagnosis. If your child is still alive, you know all too well the struggles and joys that go along with raising one of these special children. If your child is unborn, or perhaps playing in Heaven with Cayden, maybe I can ease your journey a little as you glean something from Cayden's story. To see that the doctors are not always correct, and that miracles do still happen. Maybe you see a bit of your child in Cayden, and a bit of me in you. I hope so, and if not, I hope you can see that it doesn't take a supermom to make things happen, it just takes a vocal, passionate mom to speak up for their child's needs.
I write to share the journey with my friends who know me now, but didn't know me then. As time passes, and 6+ years have gone by since Cayden went to be with Jesus, friends change. New friends come into our lives, and old friends sometimes fade into the background as the seasons of life go by. Some of my new friends never knew Cayden, never knew that part of my story, they don't see me as a special needs mom. They may wonder why I empathize so much with the challenges of special needs kids, but I get it. I get it on so many counts, as you now can see. My kid didn't struggle with reading, instead he struggled with the simplest things in life (like breathing, swallowing and holding up his head!). He had so many issues, I feel that I can empathize with almost any struggle a child may have. (and if Cayden didn't have it, one of his friends probably did or does!) I know what IEPs are & how hard those meetings can be (his first IEP/transition meeting had at least 13 people at it. 13!) Cayden had a check mark in almost every area that a child can get qualified for in school special services. He didn't stand a chance, by many accounts, but he persevered and progressed. His progress was in tiny, little, itty-bitty improvements, but it was progress. Inchstones, my fellow HPE moms call them, milestones are much too big steps for these special kids to take.
I write to share a big brother with younger siblings. Skylar doesn't really remember her brother, she was only 2 1/2 when Cayden died. She has inklings of memories, but they are more memories of stories I have told her over and over. Devin was not born when Cayden died, so he needs us to share whatever we can remember so that he has a picture of a big brother in his mind. He used to say how he was mad at Cayden that he died before he could meet him. Devin is such a sweet soul, a family-oriented kid, & it hurts his heart that he could not love on and know this brother that sounds so fun, and had all this cool gear.
I miss those gorgeous perfect curls!
I write to share my heart and my inspiration. People say to me, then and now, "I don't know where you come up with these ideas!" I don't either. It is just who I am. I am a creative minded, out-of-the-box thinker. My training is in Theatre Design. I spent years of my life researching, creating, problem solving and implementing ideas to put onstage, to create interesting and unique sets, lights & costumes. This was not really that much different in my mind. Instead of reading a play & brainstorming an appropriate solution for the scenic or lighting design, I was reading my precious child, seeing what his needs were, and trying to find a workable solution. It's what I did. It's what I do. I love researching things, learning things, finding new and creative ideas. This was just a new outlet for my creativity, since I didn't have time to work with all the appointments, feedings and caregiving. Now, I feed that passion by researching, learning and discovering things to teach my children while we homeschool. It's just a new way to use the skills I learned in my education, and in my pre-kid career.
I write to share my faith. Faith was always a part of my life, but until Cayden's diagnosis, I didn't really understand what it meant to RELY on God. To need to know Him, in order to make it through the day, through the pregnancy, through the fear. I needed faith to make it make sense. To make it bearable when we lost him. To know that one day, a reunion will happen as Cayden shows me all around Heaven and it's streets of gold. And to know that this earthly life is but a mere breath compared to the eternity we will spend together. If I can inspire someone else to see that even though we don't understand why Cayden and other kids are differently made, we can accept that, love them just the same, and not need to question the whys or wherefores. They just need love, but don't we all?
I had never spent time in a hospital until I gave birth to Cayden. By the time he was 4, we were familiar with 5 of the major hospitals in the state, and could even find our way around them without getting lost! If you know hospitals, that says a lot!
I write to share the struggles. We had a lot of ups and downs. I can't begin to write about them all in 28 days. We struggled with a lot of things, and always it was something. Medical equipment, insurance, funding, special services, IEPs, school stuff. Pain, sleep, positioning, comfort. Sleeping. Eating. Breathing. Struggles were commonplace, but through them we always felt Christ sustaining us for the day, through the night, and into the next day. Even the day Cayden died, Christ was there, putting things in place, putting people in place to make the transition as peaceful as possible for us. We still cannot clearly see the purpose in Cayden's sudden death, cutting short such a promising life, but we have faith that HE knows the plan and will make it work out.
Our first family picture at home with Cayden, 10 days old.
Romans 8:28 became our family verse while Cayden was a tiny baby.
We didn't understand why Cayden was made the way he was, but GOD works ALL things for OUR good, and WE have been CALLED for HIS purpose. It is not for us to question, we just have to have faith that it is for OUR good, because we love HIM and are called to live for HIS purpose.
WOW! Do you see that? God FOREKNEW (Cayden), whom he PREDESTINED to be conformed to the image of CHRIST. and Cayden, the predestined, was CALLED, justified, and GLORIFIED. Cayden is now perfectly healed, justified, and Glorified in heaven where he was Called to be.
Maybe it's not as interesting to you as to me, but I dwell in the fact that God had and HAS a plan for Cayden, for me and for each of us. HE loves us and wants the best for us. And sometimes the best is hard to take, or hard to see amidst the grief and the pain. But it will all be clear in the end.
You see, even though we loved this verse from the time Cayden was very small, we didn't fully SEE this verse until his memorial service. As we were planning his service and writing what we wanted to share, we had the "A-HA!" moment. Romans 8:28 was Cayden's verse. He was born on 8/28.
I write to share the awe I feel at the little discoveries we continue to see in Cayden's story.
A prayer heart I placed at the chapel at Levine Children's Hospital last year on Cayden's Birthday.
By Shira Arnold • Posted in 28 Days of Cayden, Cayden, Cayden, holoprosencephaly, Hope!
This week I've shared with you the myriad of devices needed to keep him supported, safe, and seated, but we haven't talked about walking at all! You may be thinking, another post about research and trials and blah blah blah. This was my life, people. This was what I DID! It was my job, as Cayden's mom, to figure out how to help him do these things, because just bringing him to the playground didn't work. I am sick of writing about it after 7 days, think of how tired I was of it after 4 years!
I will just go through the progression towards walking and explain how we tried to get C to work through it, some phases had success, others not. All of them were hard for Cayden, and all required some sort of device.
Practicing rolling on the ball was a little more fun than the wedge, but still not well liked by Cayden.
Cayden HATED rolling. Yes, all caps, all italic. This is greatly emphasized, I probably cannot emphasize it enough, just how much he HATED rolling. And the therapists (God bless the Amy's, they really were great!) worked non-stop in trying to get him to be able to roll. Down a ramp. On the mat. On a ball. It was miserable. Try doing therapy with a kid who couldn't hear, probably couldn't see much. How do you explain to him what you want and let him know he won't fall? We used fans and vibrating toys to try to encourage him to do what we wanted, but it was so hard!
Rolling for Grampy with tickles at the end, made the ball work a bit more bearable.
Did you know there is a special device made just to help kids learn to crawl? Several varieties actually. We found one at the equipment lending library called the Creepster Crawler. This was a cool thing, that suspended Cayden above the floor while allowing him to use his arms & legs to move, in the manner of crawling. It helped to build arm strength, head control & the basic back and forth rhythm of crawling.
His elbow malformations made this a bit difficult & it was HARD for him to do, but he worked hard in it and seemed to enjoy the feeling of 'flying.' This piece of equipment was given to us by an aquantaince, but it was a little too big for Cayden. We made it work, but it certainly was WORK!
The pony loaner was a good option, but a little big, so hard for him to move.
The gait trainer is the special needs kid version of toddling. It is a semi-supported walking device that allows them to partial bear weight & stand without having to support their full body weight. Again, blessed by the equipment lending library, were able to demo a pony gait trainer. This worked quite well for Cayden, and he enjoyed spending time in it. It was another way for him to be vertical, and to stand at his height rather than sit. He never complained about spending time in it, but he never really got moving in it either. It became sort of a resting spot for him, rather than a piece of exercise equipment. Because of that, we decided to go a different route on his personal walker.
Cayden enjoyed being in the pony. It was so comfy, sometimes he would have a catnap in it!
So many choices of kid's walkers, but none really seemed to be great. Anything that is fully supportive was so big and bulky and our house was getting full! The kid walk was interesting, it supported him in a similar fashion to the stander, but it was hard to get him into it, being as floppy as he was. He had a hard time moving it anywhere also, and then its legs often got in the way.
We ended up with the rifton walker/gait trainer. It was adjustable for height as well as for capability. A supportive seat helped him bear weight in his floppy legs, he could rise & push, then sit and rest. It also had a tray for his ECO-13, arm rests, & it was sturdy.
The 'Go Blue!' Rifton Pacer fully loaded & with the supportive seat.
This was Cayden's 'Go Blue!' He was so excited about getting this, after we did a trial at therapy, he was ready to go & walk! As you know by now, the approval and processing time was about 6 months, so he was talking about it for a long time before we got it. The day of delivery finally arrived. The vendor came to the house to deliver it, and fit it to Cayden. It was an afternoon delivery, I think we were his last client of the day. One big problem, he forgot the supportive seat at the warehouse, which was about an hour away. So he told me "Sorry, I will have to bring it back by at a later date." HMPH. I was supposed to tell Cayden that he had to just look at this long-awaited walker and not be able to use it for another week? Sorry, but no. I became a Momma Bear and told him, 'No, it was a mistake, but your mistake. I am not going to allow you to punish my son, you will fix it and make it better. You will bring it back tonight. Sorry, but you are working late.' Pretty sure he didn't like me much after that! But he did go get it and fit it that night.
'Standing' with his little sister on Christmas day.
For the uninitiated, dealing with equipment vendors is a very large pain in the rear. They are overbooked, probably underpaid, they always seem to put off delivering much-needed equipment, & usually forget things or tools to properly adjust the gear. They insist that they are the only ones capable of properly adjusting the devices, so you always have to wait for an appointment to get things fixed. Joey & I quickly learned how to adjust the pieces ourselves, so we didn't have to wait on them, but they usually didn't like us very much for it. However, we had a young child, who was obviously going to need DME for his lifetime, and they didn't want to lose us as clients, because we could make them a lot of money over the years. I also learned, from the fiasco with the bath chair, that they get better commissions on certain devices and brands, & will push those items whether they are a good choice for your child or not. Advocacy and learning to speak up loudly for your child, is the only way to make this process a success.
The Go Blue walker was a great piece for Cayden. He enjoyed being in it, but it was really hard work. We would bribe him with pudding, oreos, tickles, toys. Each step he'd get a small bite of chocolate pudding, or oreos. We would promise the best movie if he'd make it around the kitchen. Hard hard work. He needed help in lifting and moving his legs forward, but if positioned properly, he would push with the best of efforts. Tiny steps, tiny progress.
One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer—at three in the afternoon. Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, "Look at us!" So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them.
Now is the time when I say just how great his progress was & "Praise God! Cayden jumped to his feet and began to walk!" Right? That is the history of Cayden's vision and hearing and talking miracles. It was not the case with walking. He never had the opportunity to walk here on this earthly ground unsupported, unattached.
The truth of the matter is that I don't think that he would have been able to walk unsupported, ever. His tone was just too floppy, his legs too weak. I think he was progressing toward getting somewhat mobile, but truthfully I think as he made strides in the power chair, he would have just wanted to spend the time working on the speed of the chair, rather than the more turtle-like pace of the walker. And who could blame him?
But here is the great miracle. The last night Cayden spent on earth, his grandparents were babysitting. The bedtime story they read to the kids was from Cayden's Read with Me Bible & THIS was the story.
One day Jesus was teaching. Some men came carrying a man who could not walk. But they could not get him close to Jesus because of the crowd. They made a hole in the roof above Jesus. Then they lowered the man through it on a mat. They lowered him into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.
My parents said that Cayden was so thrilled by this story. He was giggling and cooing and jabbering after it. In my heart, I firmly believe that Cayden understood this story, and understood that healing was possible through faith. I think his prayer that night was to be healed, to be made whole, so when Jesus called his name that night, Cayden KNEW in his heart that if he went, he would be able to stand up, go to his heavenly home and praise God.
Our son is healed. He is whole. He is dancing in fields of grace. As 2 year old Skylar said, He sits in the lap of Jesus, singing 'Jesus Loves Me.' Cayden is now made perfect in Christ, hearing, seeing, singing, dancing, running. His chains are gone. He's been set free.
The healed paraplegic from the Children's Bible, praising God!
Cayden needed full support to sit. & that meant everywhere. Can you think of places I haven't mentioned yet that sitting might be a challenge?
For those not in the realm of Special needs kids, there are special things for EVERYTHING! the ones you don't even think about are often the hardest. Bathtime, toilet time, bedtime.
Yes, we had a special devices for bathing. I had a super find of a blow-up baby bath tub that fit right into the big tub. It was soft, had a high back & actually worked very well for our floppy kid. Until his legs got too long.
Once he outgrew that, it became something else to research and learn, and unfortunately I picked (or was steered) wrong on this one. We got the Manatee bath chair, which was a fully adjustable fully supportive bathing seat. It had straps, lateral supports, a tilt-able back & leg supports, and adjustable height legs.
The main problems with this chair was that you had to fill the tub super high in order to cover his body when he was in the chair. And you still had to kneel or get down to bathe him. And it took almost the whole length of the tub. This wasn't a big problem, but he was 3 and his sister was 1 and we usually tried to bathe them together so they could play. She didn't have a lot of room.
C in his bath chair. He really enjoyed playing in the water or swimming.
This chair also had other major issues… when it got wet it was very difficult to adjust. Yes, you read that correctly. A bath chair, didn't work properly when wet. I actually had to bring this chair to the distributor to have them try to adjust it for us, and they had a hard time, acknowledging that it was a poor design. But did that matter? NO! because just like a wheelchair, the timeline you have to get a new piece of DME of the same category is 3-5 years. So we were stuck with a poorly designed, hardly adjustable, but supposed to be adjustable bath chair for 3 years. And the material it was made of, had a tendency to get smelly if left to dry. HMMM… it gets wet almost daily. It smelled a lot. I washed the fabric, but it was so hard to put on and off, it didn't happen very often. Just a rookie mistake on this one folks! If you are in the market for a bath chair, I truly don't recommend the Manatee!
There are other better chairs out there, and we were looking. Some suggestions: Go for low profile if you want your child to stay warm. Plastic 'fabric' that will not hold moisture or smells. Easy to adjust, even when wet. No leg supports if you want another child in the tub at the same time. Shower chairs are smaller, but they don't allow the child to stay warm, and Cayden really didn't like the shower sensation on his body, so it was out for us. The kids are higher, so easier to wash, but seems a little unsafe in the end. Personal preference, of course, but just don't let yourself be taken by that lovely blue (expensive) fabric chair!
I don't have a picture of C in the potty chair (some things I guess you just don't take photos of!) but this is the one we had.
We also had a specialized toilet chair. This one took me months of looking, and months of proving that indeed, Cayden was capable of learning to toilet on his own, in order to get it approved through funding and insurance. We discovered a Rifton potty chair. I liked this device. It had a variety of options for use including: clip onto the toilet, on it's own with a catch bucket, as a full unit rolled over the toilet, or just as a step. We had the fully loaded model, of course, tilting high back, straps, seat belt, laterals, armrests, foot rest, tray. Yes, they even make an activity tray for the toilet seat. & we had it because of C's need to push with his arms gave him stability in sitting (& doing those toilet duties).
The seat could also sit over the toilet to use, and the small part of the chair with back could just clip on by itself with out the stand.
Cayden was actually making progress in this area. It was a challenge, yes, because of his constipation and digestive issues. Often he had a hard time getting the job done. But he was starting to indicate when he was ready to try & was making good steps towards being trained. That was a big deal! He hated being diapered & really wanted to be independent in that area. The work on transferring was paying off, and we were beginning to see positive outcomes!
The thing most people don't think about is this: these were excellent devices for using at home. But what happens when you travel? or go to the hospital? How do you give your child a bath, or help them use the toilet? Do you take all this stuff with you? As much as things are foldable or portable, there is still too much to take on a trip. Along with the necessities like the wheelchair, the bed positioning pillow, the nebulizer, diapers, wipes, meds, etc. Packing was a pain! So you just usually tried not to go places because inevitably you would forget something important, the kid would get sick, and end up needing to go to a doctor. Sigh. Just not worth the effort.
We didn't often get away for fun with Cayden, we did enough driving to doctors, therapists & hospitals that fun was a weekend staying home. I drove all the time and packed for the day usually, for at least Cayden, and then Skylar too. We would sometimes stay with friends on our trips to Raleigh, which called for an overnight, but a pack & play and a stroller worked okay back then. The older Cayden got and the more gear he had, the less we seemed to get out.
But really, staying home, then and now, is a blessing. We spend so much time, running from thing to thing that it is difficult to just be calm and sit. Our society is so go-go-go that a day of rest is really hard to come by. Jesus gives us the answer in Matthew 11:28-30, as he is talking to the public.
We can learn much from his words, as we realize that true rest only comes when we walk with Christ, rest in Him, and live in His company daily. He teaches us what is important and what should be released. What we need to stress about, and what we need to let Him conquer. So much of Cayden's life was out of our control, so we learned that we needed to rest in Him, for Cayden, and trust that His plan was great, and it would be for good. We learned that little things are what matter, the cuddling, the reading, the playing together. And we learned to lay our cares on Him. I hope you too can find the real rest that Jesus brings, because we know that while the kids are young, sleep is hard to come by.
More about sleep (or our lack thereof) tomorrow.
Getting a wheelchair is somewhat of a major step to take. It is saying to the public, "Yes, my child is handicapped. Yes, my child is different." It also feels like you might be saying, "I am giving up on the hope that my child will walk." It is a hard hard step to take, and a hard hard choice to make.
We had hopes that Cayden would be able to walk. His leg strength seemed to be there, but his body was so floppy the hopes began to fade away the older he got. And the sitting challenges became harder the taller he grew, so it became necessary to take that final difficult step. Yes, we needed a wheelchair.
This was the night we got his first wheelchair. I thought we did a pretty good job sizing it from e-bay!.
Because we had originally gotten the activity chair when Cayden was 2, we were 'supposed' to wait until he was around 5 for the wheelchair. (Insurance usually won't buy a second seating device within 3 years). But by age 3, we saw that it was not going to be possible to wait that long. The double stroller wasn't working anymore because his legs were just too long. The sit & stand wasn't a good option for him because he didn't fit. I needed something that he was secure in and was tall enough for his long legs.
I have said before that surfing the special needs websites like vendor sites and, http://www.adaptivemall.com became a bit of a habit for me. I would just spend time looking around, familiarizing myself with the different devices and equipment, and think about ways to try to make it myself or to make it work for us. If I found things I liked, I was known to spend some quality time on ebay, looking for a used version or similar product, saving searches & trying to find a bargain.
That is where Cayden's first wheelchair came from. I admit, this is an unconventional way to get a child's wheelchair, but we were feeling desperate. A good deal came up, it seemed to be a good size, and it was under $100. We grabbed it up.
Giddy guy! Squealing with delight.
The day the wheelchair came was so exciting. Cayden couldn't wait for us to put it together & try to figure out how to make it fit him. Joey is very mechanically inclined so we didn't really have a problem setting it up. And thankfully, it fit Cayden perfectly. You can see from the pictures, he was so excited! He was just laughing and giggling. All over a used wheelchair.
His giddy response made us realize that the issue we had as adults with the wheelchair and what it symbolized to the world was not an issue for Cayden. He didn't care what it meant or what it said to the world. He felt secure. He felt safe. He was comfortable and sitting properly for the first time in a long while.
People often make quick judgements based on appearance, or what things seem to be. Not just adults, but kids easily do it as well. We could see how people looked at Cayden and would feel pity, or sorrow or maybe disgust, but what Cayden always gave back was joy, peace and love. He was an open book, a mostly happy, smart, interactive kid, who was a joy to be around.
A simple clip on umbrella made a great sunshade for photophobic Cayden, during a day at the lake.
I never minded when strangers or friends would ask me "What's wrong with him?" or "Why is he in a wheelchair?" at least they were brave enough to ask and learn a little about him. What drove me nuts was when people would just look & stare and wonder, but not ask, and not say hi to him. Just obviously look & talk about him, three tables over. I urge you to remember (and to teach your children) that many kids in wheelchairs can think and talk just like you and I. They can say hi and respond back in their way, and to greet them with a smile and a "How are you?" will make their day (rather than stare, a point and a whisper). They thrive on interaction and want to be acknowledged as much as you would.
Don't judge a book by it's cover is the common phrase we use today.
Judging others without knowledge can cause undeniable pain. It brings misunderstanding, pain and possibly ruined relationships. Jesus warned us to not judge, or jump to conclusions, because it will most likely come back to haunt us later. It's so hard to make the choice to put your child in a wheelchair, not only because it can feel like there is a lack of hope, but because you don't want your child to face the inevitable judgement our society so freely hands out.
I still feel judged sometimes. I feel like people look at our 'perfect' one boy, one girl family and think "Oh, how nice. 2 cute kids, a mini van, and a yellow lab. What a perfect family." But what they don't see from the outside is the hole in my heart from missing and grieving my first born child. They don't see how some days I think what our family would be like if Cayden had been typical. We'd be doing soccer and scouts with him, he'd be going into 6th grade, and I'd have my 3 stairstep blond kids all around me. Or even better, if he were just him, broken and beautiful and driving all over in his fabulous power chair, talking like crazy to his siblings on his ECO-13.
Instead, I have a partially broken heart, a few hundred pictures, and slowly fading memories of a boy born with a malformed brain, a fighting spirit, and a disabled body that needed a whole lot of equipment just to be safe.
Everyone has a hidden burden. Don't judge. Some burdens are more obvious than others. But the burden of missing a handicapped child is far worse than the blessing it is to love and to raise them.
Cayden used the SuperTalker for a while & had good success with that and the eye gaze system. However, I was frustrated with the time-consuming page-changing of that device, and so was Cayden. I finally persuaded the speech team to allow C to have an assessment for a computerized speech generating device (SGD). The speech team was quite sceptical that he really understood what it was for & could really use it, so it took me a while to get the appointment.
After a long wait, we finally were scheduled. Cayden was quite excited about it, but if I remember correctly, he was not feeling his best & was having a rough day. We went anyway, since we had waited so long to be seen. He started with the easy switches. They needed to see if he understood the cause & effect of the toys. He did, but, it was obvious that they didn't believe me, his mom. Of course he thought the toys they had were babyish, so he wasn't interested & didn't really want to play with them. Combined with the fact that he was not feeling well, it was just not worth his effort to participate. The team took this disinterest as not understanding, but I persuaded them to try something else.
The Springboard Plus. Cayden's first attempt at 'talking' was on this, but with larger icons, I think about 8 on the screen.
I could tell that he really liked this device. I know he understood that it was something that would make his life easier & with it he would really be able to speak his mind. The evaluation team was not so sure. We tried several other devices and toys with him, none of which drew his attention as well as the Springboard.
After a long evaluation, it was concluded that Cayden probably could benefit from a SGD, now the question was… Which one? The variety was almost overwhelming. But we luckily had a good assistive technology lending library (link) so we were able to do demos on a variety of models.
In the end, we selected a large screen (because of his motor issues, we thought he needed a larger target), possibility of eye-gaze selection, switch selection options, and one with a built in computer (to grow with him & allow him to watch movies or access the internet). The ones we debated on were a large Dynavox & an Eco. I liked the programming & the tech support of the Eco brand better so we decided to move forward with that. After a long involved process (I think it was almost 10 months from the initial evaluation to the day of delivery) challenges with insurance and assistive tech funding we finally got it in October 2007.
Cayden's screen was not full. We had a 15 icon screen, but several of the spots were empty to allow a bit of flex space in C's reaching. The icons were about 2″x2″ which we had already determined was about as small as he could go visually & physically.
This was an amazing device! It was so versatile & really was as programmable and as personal as we wanted it to be. I spent many long evenings putting in books, icon pages & school related pages. We had pages for food, for clothes, for people. Conversation pages. Pages for playing with his cars, his trains, his kitchen. Pages to have up while watching NASCAR or basketball with Dad. Pages of body parts & ailments. So many pages. But there were so many things to say!
At first, the assistive tech teachers (who I loved) wanted him to really understand their list of 8 main 'power words' & wanted him locked on that screen. Stop. Go. Yes. No. Mom. Me. Out. Eat. That was it. They didn't want him to do anything else until they felt he had mastered it.
Front view using the arm supports. These were a crazy attempt to help him move his arms. I think you can see what he thought about them from the look on his face. They helped somewhat, but then he was bonking them on the device & causing mis-hits that way. They were hard to get him into and out of, & I hated having him so strapped into his chair, in case he started gagging, coughing or needed help. These were a good attempt but didn't last very long.
He would see new people at a doctors office & say "Hi. My name is Cayden. What's yours?!" I wanted him to be able to check himself in at the doctor so I gave him and icon with our phone number. Trouble is, he saw a cute girl in the waiting room & said "Hi. My name is Cayden. What's yours?! I live in North Carolina. My phone number is ……. " He gave her our phone number! Seriously. The flirt! So I had to disable that screen!
Beep, Beep, Get out of my way!
Not long at all after we got the device, it was Halloween. He was so excited! He decided to be Lightning McQueen so I painted up a car for his chair. I programmed his Eco13 to have the standard Halloween phrases & a few Lightning McQueen ones. This year we not only got to hear "Trick-or-Treat!" & "Thank you!" at every house, but if we caught up to other kids on the sidewalk he'd say "Beep! Beep! Get out of my way!" Then he'd add "I'm Lightning McQueen & I'm faster than fast. Vroom vroom!" He loved the Lightning McQueen phrases, but Beep! Beep! was definitely his favorite.
The funny thing to me is that the device was so enticing to him (just like the iPad is to most kids) that he quickly overcame his arm movement challenges to make this work for him. His fine motor skills just bloomed with this device. All our prior attempts to assist him with step switching so he didn't have to move his arms so much, and multiple switches everywhere to make selections went away. He just reached out and touched it. That was how strong the desire to speak was for him.
A desire to be heard is typical. We all have needs & wants and thoughts that we want to share with others. Biblically, we often see people who wanted something, take their requests to Jesus, many of whom wanted to have their family and friends healed.
Mark 7:32-37 (NIV) shares a one such story. There some people brought to him a man who was deaf and could hardly talk, and they begged Jesus to place his hand on him.
After he took him aside, away from the crowd, Jesus put his fingers into the man's ears. Then he spit and touched the man's tongue. He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him,"Ephphatha!" (which means "Be opened!"). At this, the man's ears were opened, his tongue was loosened and he began to speak plainly.
My biggest complaint about Cayden's ECO-13 was that this new, top of the line model SGD did not have a child's voice on it. All we had to choose from was a variety of men's or women's voices. There were no kid voice options. We could have had another child record all of Cayden's speech & program that in if we had wanted, but that seemed like SO much work to me it was not feasible. So he would talk with a realistic sounding man's voice, which was a little funny, coming from a 4 year old. But it was better than nothing & I do believe that now children's voices are available on similar devices.
You can see here we have 2 micro switches on each arm of his wheelchair. We used velcro cable ties to attach them, and later the terry hairbands worked even better on the arms. You can see all the wires feeding from the switches up his chair into the backpack to attach to his SuperTalker. That was cranked up very loud so he could clearly hear it, but he had to know which page was in the talker so he could communicate correctly. Lots to process and remember.
As I shared in yesterday's post, (Day 14) Cayden quickly progressed through the switches, and it became obvious to me that we needed a better system. The constant switching of the papers in the SuperTalker was tiresome & really didn't happen when it needed to. Instead we ended up using the pages on their own as an eye-gaze choice selector system.
We used these frequently for choosing toys, clothing or food. I would have a page with 4 options on it with icons for different toys (or shirts or lunch foods). I would hold it up to him & he would look at the page, then select one with his eyes & smile. I learned to easily see which one he was choosing by where he was looking. If none of the choices were acceptable to Sir Cayden, then he would look away without smiling & a "Seriously, these are my only choices?" look on his face.
This is the Super Talker, we usually used the 4 choice page for hands-on, and 8 icon page for eye gaze.
We learned that this system worked for any number of things & instead of using pre-printed pages, I moved on to small individually laminated icon cards (about 2"x2"). These were stored in a binder in business card holder sheets. This way, I could position them on his tray in any combination, & separate them enough to see his eye gaze selection easily. It worked wonders.
We used this method with his hearing impaired specialists to start to test his comprehension and vocabulary. He went from being able to select from 3 items, with one descriptor, to five items with 3 descriptors in just a few months, once we learned his selection method.
Imagine a table with 3 differently colored balls. We would say, "Cayden, show me the blue ball." He would look at each of the balls in turn, and then… wait for it… wait… look and hold his gaze on the one he was choosing, usually with a smile, meaning "Yes, that's it." Then we would do it again, this time saying, "Show me the red ball," or "Show me the big ball." (in auditory training they suggest you not use the W question words, because children can become confused by the question words, and forget the real question. So you would always phrase the question in a command. (Show, point, pick, choose, grab, move).
As he progressed we would then have 5 balls, of different sizes, textures & colors. So we would say "Show me the big blue ball." or "Show me the small, bumpy red ball." You could say Touch the green ball," or "Grab the fuzzy ball," but these involved motor skills that were too complicated for C to do when working on this task. He COULD do it, but then the wait time for him to find the fright one, then force his brain to make his arm move to grab the ball, WOW! Waiting for the answer was so long he would sometimes forget the question & so would we!
I won't forget the day when he did 3 descriptors with 5 objects. It was a collection of yellow vehicles. (all yellow). Dump trucks, crane, car, truck, bus. Some had things on them. So we would say, "Show me the dump truck with the blue duck. " Usually you do this trying to trick the child, so we had a dump truck with a yellow duck as well. And a pick up truck with a blue duck. He selected easily. Then we upped the ante. After re-arranging the cars & animals we said, "Push the dump truck with the big yellow duck." & he did. "Pull the dump truck with the small green duck" & he did. "Dump the duck in the little yellow truck," & he did. He had mastered this skill. We couldn't trick him! AND he was so motivated that he even moved his hands to make selections. Oh what a day!
Cayden understood this skill & it showed that he had really mastered hearing the differences between duck and truck, push and pull and dump. He could do it with objects & he could do it with pictures as well. This was a BIG accomplishment for Cayden, as a hearing impaired child, as a visual impaired child, and as a child with holoprosencephaly.
I have two funny stories to share. It was summer so we had a summer school hearing impaired teacher coming to work with Cayden who was not his usual teacher. She didn't know him very well, but was working hard to keep him moving forward on his skills. We began working on the selection game. We were working on position words (under/over/on/in/between, etc). The teacher had brought a set of small plastic dolls & furniture to work with, which seemed fine and useful for the task. But Cayden did NOT want to participate. We tried him in a different room. We tried him in a different chair. No go. Wasn't going to play. Finally, I said, "I think he doesn't want to work with these because they are DOLLS & he is a BOY and he wants to play with cars or balls or dinosaurs." As soon as we got his ball bin out, he did his assignment without a mistake. What a stubborn & smart BOY!
The other major memory I have of him 'showing his smarts,' was when we were reading a new book called "Red Light, Green Light," by Marjorie Wise Brown. It is a lovely book about animals, people & vehicles & where these things 'live' at night. The car goes in the garage. The cat sleeps in the tree. The mouse sleeps in the hole. There were at least 12 items that we read about, first they come out of their home, drive around, hit the red light 'Stop!' & the green light 'Go!" & go home at night. So after one reading, I showed him some matching cards I had made. He had to pick the pairs for the things, matching the item to the home. After one reading, he correctly placed all the items in their home. This was huge to me & really gave me hope on his long-term progress. He got it. He was definitely NOT a vegetable, & by this point I really believed he was not even somewhat learning impaired.
He was hitting his achievement goals, passing all expectations. We started to tease about needing to start saving for college for him, he was so smart. I really had high hopes for his future!
Don't give up on your kids. If my deaf, blind, mute, lame, brain challenged son could do this… yours can too. All kids have potential, you just have to keep searching to find their gifts, find their communication method, find their passion. Even the most challenged kids have a reason for living & a passion that ignites their curiosity. Cayden's was cars, dinosaurs & trains, NOT dolls & furniture. It wasn't that he couldn't do the task, he just flat out didn't want to with those particular items. Find their interests. Even if it means reading books about legos every night for a year, read them. Buy the legos. Buy the toys. Watch the movies. Find ways to learn that ties into that interest. Find the entry way into their brain by finding the entry to their heart and interests.
No matter how hard we worked or all the progress Cayden made, college was not meant to be. Turning 5 was not even meant to be. We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails. (Proverbs 19: 21 MSG) I had Cayden figured out. I had options & big plans, but they were not part of God's plan for Cayden's life, or for mine. I was meant to be a mom without this child, and he was meant to spend a little while waiting for us in Heaven.
I can't wait until I get to see him & his great smile again!
So… were YOU able to care for Cayden? I hope so!
Today I will tell you more about his early communication methods besides the obvious vocalizations and whining, so maybe you will feel more prepared to watch him for us!
We went through a series of more and more complex switches with Cayden, trying to see if he would be able to learn cause & effect. The first ones were basic baby toys that play music or light up when a button is pushed. This is a very simple learning step for most children, but for kids with processing and motor challenges this step can take quite some time to learn. Simple switch toys are all over the baby department, we particularly liked the v-tech ones (they had the best lights & sound combos).
Cayden loving his vibrating Big Bird & large panel switch.
Once he realized that his actions could affect his world in a pleasurable way, we were starting to communicate! His first real assistive tech 'switch' was a vibrating Big Bird. He learned to push a button & the toy would vibrate. This of course led to the Tickle Me Elmo which was a favorite of Cayden's for years.
We also found that he worked really well with a switch called a toggle or swipe switch. It was more of a joystick style switch that he just had to push in any direction to make the object respond. As long as the switch was not at center, the toy would work. If he stopped pushing, the toy would stop. This was great for trains & other fun toys.
Next he progressed to a switch talker. This one was a very basic communication device that had the ability to have switched out sheets with pictures on them, from 1-8 pictures per page (sizes went down as numbers went up). Each size could have several pre-programmed pages so we could talk about a variety of things, just by turing a switch on the side. This one was a good starter communicator, but it required a lot of adult participation, changing the sheets frequently (which took a lot of time to create). We ended up using it for a while as a talker with connected switches on each arm of his wheelchair, and the talker in the backpack. One hand would say yes, the other no. OR one would say please, the other thank you.
His Halloween get up. The toggle switch said "Thank you!" the little red switch (behind the horse's ear) said "Trick or Treat!" Both were connected to the speech generating device in the backpack of his chair.
MY favorite use of this setup was for Halloween. We used one to say "Trick or Treat!" the other to say "Thank you!" Cayden really got into this! The whole time we were going from house to house he would be pushing the "Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!" & we still had to remind him to say "Thank you!" every time. Just like a 3 year old!
We were very blessed early on, to have the Sunday School class from our church donate some money towards Cayden's fund. That helped us be able to purchase and try a variety of switches to see which might work the best for him long term. We found he could use anything down to a small quarter sized switch, and actually the smaller switches worked better for him, because they required less effort. Placing them on the arms of his wheelchairs really worked extremely well for him, and reused that setup for qute some time. We tried head tilt switches, (he was not a fan), squeeze switches (again, not great as he did not have good hand grasp), large panel switches, ok, but required a great deal of concentration to reach & raise his arm to press the switch. His favorites were the toggle and the micros.
We were also able to borrow a lot of switches through our local assistive technology warehouse and lending library, which helped determine which toys might be worth the money. Switch toys are crazy expensive, and like any toys, kids get bored with them. Some of his longest lasting toys were a light up airplane with spinning fan propeller we got at CVS & used a switch adaptor with; an adapted Chicken Dance Elmo & a vibrating Big Bird. Other were not so popular, like the jumping frog or walking pig. He did eventually learn to use a 2 switch remote controlled car, (using his talker) which really was his favorite.
The roller switch talker. This one played a section of a recorded song or book each time he rolled the switch. So to hear the whole recording he had to keep rolling the switch.
Simple switches are everywhere you look too, once you know what to look for. You don't have to pay the big bucks to get your kids to learn this concept. Have your child see that pushing the elevator button makes the door open & bing. Pushing the accessible door buttons makes the doors swing wide. Pushing the garage door opener or the doorbell, the tv remote, the light switch. The blender buttons, the ice maker, the fan switch all are good ways to learn cause & effect. Yes, we had special (expensive) switches to access many of these things, but really it wasn't necessary.
Why spend the money and take the time to train your non-verbal child to use switches? Well these simple steps were the first steps towards independence for Cayden. They helped him learn how to ask for things, and how to respond simply. They taught him cause and effect which… fast forward to the future, helped him learn to drive a power wheelchair, and use a more complex assistive technology device. I will share more about that tomorrow, but know, the effort is worth it in the end. Watching Cayden do something as simple as Trick-or-Treating on his own, and seeing the smile it brought to his face, made the work worthwhile.
Learning cause and effect also allows your child to start learning other things, like the consequences to actions, which in turn begins to allow discipline and training as taught in the Bible. Proverbs 29:17 tells us to "Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire." It is impossible to discipline a child or train a child in proper behavior if they do not understand the simple process whereby this action causes this result. The discipline needed to train a child into a mature adult needs to begin early, and the fact that a child is disabled doesn't mean that they don't need discipline sometimes.
Cayden needed to learn that he didn't always get his way, that being naughty was not acceptable, and that his parents were in charge, just like all kids. Once we learned that Cayden could think just like any other child, he was not cut slack in our house on behavior. Whining was not encouraged (unless it was a communication tool), and tantrums were unacceptable. without the basic understanding of cause and effect, this training could not work, but for us it did. I encourage you to try it with your kids too!


I have realized the sum of 17,324 words since November 1st.
"The sun was drawing its blood into the sky. Which immediately turned orange, I cannot tell you why. Then the colors filtered from yellow and pink, and left the light rinsed out clean. Where the sky was the sink."


text:
The Rising Sun in Pensford, Bristol is named 'Britain's best beer garden'
The Rising Sun in Pensford, to the south of Bristol, has been named the overall winner in Union JACK radio's nationwide search to find 'Britain's Best Beer Garden'. The pub was originally nominated when the competition launched earlier this month, going on to reach the final top ten* amongst some impressive competitors. The overall winner was decided by a public vote, with over 2,000 votes cast in less than a week; The Rising Sun can today be named a very worthy winner, receiving almost a fifth of the overall vote (18%).
As well as receiving the title, The Rising Sun will also host a day of live radio broadcasts tomorrow (Tuesday 1 September), when national radio station Union JACK will air some of its flagship shows from its stunning pub garden. This will include the hugely popular Not-in-a-Pub Pub Quiz, hosted by none other than the nation's best quizzer, Mark "The Beast" Labbett.
The Rising Sun in Pensford is owned by St Austell Brewery and is well known for its idyllic setting, boasting a large, riverside garden, nestled at the foot of Pensford Viaduct by the River Chew. Landlord Lisa Faulkner said of the victory: "Us as the Team Rising Sun feel honoured to be chosen as the winner of Union JACK radio's Best Beer Garden competition, and thank everyone who took the time to vote for us. The garden itself is spoilt by the most amazing views and the backdrop of the viaduct and weir, currently serviced by an outdoor bar ensuring that all social distancing rules can be adhered to."
Giles Gear, Programme Manager of Union JACK radio, said: "I am over the moon for The Rising Sun – to be crowned 'Britain's Best Beer Garden' is a monumental achievement, especially given that this was the public's decision. The competition was incredibly tight, particularly between the top three, so all of the shortlisted pubs should feel incredibly proud of themselves. The Union JACK family is excited to head to The Rising Sun's beer garden tomorrow for a day of celebrations and on-air fun!"
For more information, visit unionjack.co.uk
Filed Under: Awards, Bristol, Drink, Food, Industry News, Somerset
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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


text:
Five key players for defense this season
ULM Hawkeye
Corey Straughter – CB
Starting cornerback Corey Straughter, who is a native of Monroe, is entering his third season with the team and second as a starter. He led the team in interceptions and has just been named on the Preseason All-Sun Belt selection. Look for Straughter to continue to be an anchor for the defense this season.
Kerry Starks – DE
Redshirt junior defensive end Kerry Starks from Marrero, Louisiana is back with the team after suffering an indefinite suspension in the spring. Starks led the Warhawks in sacks last season, including two against South Alabama. He was ranked eighth in tackles and second in tackles for yards lost.
Cortez Sisco Jr. – LB
Fifth year linebacker from Southaven, Mississippi, Cortez Sisco Jr. will be the leader on the defensive end taking over for recent grad David Griffith. Sisco ranked third in tackles last season with 53 tackles in nine games. He missed three games due to injury and should be expected to be a fixture on the field come gameday.
Chase Day – LB
Fifth year linebacker from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Chase Day appeared in all 12 regular-season games in 2018. Of those 12 he started in the last four games. Day ended his regular season by recording a season-high 10 stops (6 solos, 4 assists) against the Ragin' Cajuns. He was ranked sixth in tackles last season.
Donald Louis Jr. – DE
Fifth year defensive end Donald Louis Jr. enters his third season starting. An All-Sun Belt honorable mention as a junior and a Preseason All-Sun Belt selection, Louis comes into the season having started 24 consecutive games at defensive end for the Warhawks. Louis is described as a vocal leader on the field.


9 to 5 the Musical is getting down to business - with a strictly limited season at the Savoy! Starring Louise Redknapp, Amber Davies, Natalie McQueen, Bonnie Langford and Brian Conley, the smash-hit musical features an Oscar, Grammy and Tony award-nominated score by the Queen of Country herself, Dolly Parton.
Critically acclaimed international stage sensation Whitney - Queen of the Night is to get its West End premiere with an exclusive performance.
This summer, entertainer extraordinaire John Barrowman will debut his nationwide tour at the beautiful Savoy Theatre celebrating 30 years on stage and screen with favourite songs and fabulous stories from his life and career. Barrowman is a singer, actor, dancer, presenter, judge and author. Most recently, UK audiences delighted in supporting him as he made the final three in ITV's I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out of Here 2018.


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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


text:
Blood Gas Analyzers
CPAP Interfaces
CPAP Sanitization
HSAT – Home Sleep Apnea Testing
In-Lab Polysomnography (PSG)
Neonatal Respiratory Care
Ventilators – Critical Care
Philadelphia Sleep Conference – Recorded Versions
RPSGT Study Guides
Respiratory Conferences Calendar
Sleep Conferences Calendar
Sleep Tech CEUs
Expanding Sleep Lab PAP Services: An Interventional Model for the Treatment of Sleep Disordered Breathing
Sleep Lab Magazine
HomeCPAPSoClean Ranked 54th Fastest Growing Company in North America on Deloitte's 2018 Technology Fast 500™
SoClean Ranked 54th Fastest Growing Company in North America on Deloitte's 2018 Technology Fast 500™
December 6, 2018 RTSleepWorld CPAP
SoClean, the CPAP sanitizing device company, announced that it has been named by Deloitte as one of America's fastest growing technology companies. SoClean ranked as number 54 on Deloitte's Technology Fast 500™ and grew revenues by 2,805 percent. This ranking considers the 500 fastest growing technology, media, telecommunications, life sciences and energy tech companies in North America.
"We are honored to be recognized by Deloitte for the remarkable growth we have achieved in recent years as we serve a robust and continuously growing number of CPAP patients in the U.S. and Europe," said Robert Wilkins, CEO of SoClean. "I am proud of the continuous dedication of our team, and I want to thank our loyal customers who continue to use our products and services. SoClean remains dedicated to raising public awareness of sleep apnea and other sleep breathing disorders, which often go undiagnosed and untreated."
CPAP equipment requires frequent cleaning, as side effects of CPAP bacteria can include sinus infections, odor and skin irritation. In addition to suffering from sleep breathing disorders, patients have traditionally struggled with cumbersome and unsatisfactory CPAP cleaning practices that worsen patient health. Consequently, SoClean has adapted a quick, easy and safe process using activated oxygen—ozone—that has been shown to destroy up to 99.9% of bacteria and viruses in the mask, hose and reservoir of CPAP equipment.
"SoClean believes CPAP cleaning should be simple and should only make patients feel better," said Wilkins. "SoClean's rapid growth—today recognized by Deloitte—is attributable to the recognition among CPAP patients that our products offer a quicker, easier and most importantly, safe alternative to traditional cleaning methods."
cpap disinfection
soclean
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text:
Why Didn't Anyone Tell Me Divorce Would Suck This Much?
No one can prepare you for the pain, but there is an upside.
By Nuy Cho
The first 90 days of my separation, I drew notches in a secret location of my kitchen—line… line… line… line…—all in a diagonal. It was a nightly ritual. I'd put my daughter to sleep, go call my brother from a nook of my kitchen window, and then mark another day of surviving on my own.
As each day passed, I realized I was changing. The me that had been with my ex was becoming undone, and a brand new me, that wasn't defined by marriage, was having to charge out. I had to learn how to survive and to get back up after life dealt me a s--tty card.
I want you to know, I'm not bitter about any of this. I just want to be frank with you.
Part of me wants to say, I feel so liberated from my divorce. I'm free! But guess what? Divorce sucked. After three long years of trying to make it work with my ex before we ultimately split, I felt like I'd just landed from a long transatlantic flight with lots of turbulence and no beverage service.
I left my husband when I'd just been laid off (during my maternity leave, no less) and had a tiny baby. I know, I know. But we do these things because we are hurting.
During the next few years we "tried to make things work," going back and forth between being separated and together. We lived in a small two-bedroom NYC apartment and split half the duties of our child. It was stressful and in many ways a bad idea. There was fighting, of course, because how does a couple that act separated yet live in the same quarters maintain any type of sanity? But in the face of high rent costs, and me still needing to stay at home with our young child, it was the only thing that made sense at the time. I wish there had been an alternative solution.
The hardest thing about navigating my divorce was downsizing from a mighty duo to a sad solo act. Anytime I had a question or an issue with my baby, like: how should I wean her off the bottle? Or what's that rash on her thigh? OMG is it ringworm? I could no longer just call her dad to ask for help.
For me, losing that sounding board was a hard pill to swallow. I missed having a partnership. I came to realize that my whole life I'd wanted to have my own Seaver family. Just like Maggie, I wanted to be the journalist mom, with the chatty and adoring husband, and the spunky kids filling a house with life. And then one day, it wasn't there anymore. And it didn't matter why, it was just gone.
Going from a wife and mother to a single mom felt like a major demotion, and I was angry that none of my friends had the courtesy to explain to me how much this would hurt. It's the way I felt when I had just given birth to my daughter and was going through breastfeeding difficulty. One sleepless night, wracked with the baby blues, my girlfriend called me and said "Welcome to postpartum hell, honey! The part no one tells you about beforehand!" And I came back at her, "But why didn't anyone tell me?" They certainly should have.
With a smile in her voice she offered, "I don't know, maybe because you've just got to do it anyway, and in the end, you forget, you know?"
My friend is right in the sense that you do have to go through it to understand the crippling pain. It's just one of those things. Divorce is awful and no one can really prepare you for it. But if I can stress anything to women who've also been through this, it's that it's okay to admit you've been hurt. It happened. And the greatest thing about divorce is that you survived it, and while no one was paying attention, you became a new you. Someone who can navigate decisions all on your own, and be on your own.
And I think that's pretty cool.
Nuy Cho is a mother of one, and the founder of NuyBeauty.com.
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text:
CARLOWRIE CLUB
The Highlands and Islands are what people imagine when they think of Scotland. Lochs and Glens, mountain ranges and waterfalls, dense forests and idyllic beaches, romantic castles and distilleries aplenty, the Highland and Islands are Scotland at its most authentic, spectacular and breath-taking. Stretching from just north of Perthshire, including Speyside and the Cairngorms, up to the Shetland Islands and across to the west coast, as far south as Argyle and the Mull of Kintyre, taking in the Inner and Outer Hebrides.
The Highlands and Islands make up Scotland's largest territory, including most of Scotland's 790 offshore islands, and are home to much of the finest of what Scotland has to offer. All but a handful of Scotland's 30,000+ lochs are located in the Highlands and Islands, including Loch Lomond and Loch Ness, as are the vast majority of our mountains and glens, not least Glen Coe, Glen Nevis and the Nevis Range, home to the UK's highest mountain, Ben Nevis. Scotland's most wonderful wildlife, including Golden Eagles, Mountain Hares, Red Squirrels, Pine Martens, Scottish Wildcats, Red Deer, Ospreys, Grey Seals, Minke Whales and Bottlenose Dolphins, call the lands and the waters of the Highlands and Islands home.
Activities abound. Picture postcard towns and villages like Pitlochry and Plockton are a must-visit, whilst Aviemore is Scotland's skiing capital. Lochs and rivers provide water sports aplenty, while extreme sports enthusiasts will love the myriad trails and peaks to tackle. The best salmon, trout and saltwater fishing in the world can be found in the Highlands, which also caters for some serious hunting and off-roading opportunities. And, of course, there are distilleries. Of the 120 working distilleries, 102 of them are, technically, within the territory of the Highlands and Islands as 4 of Scotland's 5 Whisky Regions fall within the vast area, meaning that the Highlands and Islands provide you with pleasures as diverse as the Springbank from Campbelltown to the Benromach of Speyside, the Bowmore of Islay right up to the Highland Park on Orkney.
Incredible natural landscapes thrill throughout the Highlands and Islands but humankind's influence can be seen and felt. The Glenfinnan Viaduct, as seen in the Harry Potter movies, is an architectural masterpiece and, if you time it right, you might just get to see a steam train crossing it, conjuring up scenes of the Hogwart's Express. There have been more than 2,000 castles throughout Scotland over the centuries and a great many of them are in the Highlands and Islands. Urquhart Castle on the banks of Loch Ness is one of the most famous whilst Eilean Donan Castle, set on its own island and made famous by the movie Highlander overlooks the Isle of Skye, whilst the ancestral seat of Highlander's Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod for more than 800 years is, actually, spectacular Dunvegan Castle on the Isle of Skye. Over on the North East Dunrobin Castle has to be seen to be believed. Continuously inhabited since the early 1300s, it is every inch the romantic, stereotypical 'Cinderella's Castle'.
Perhaps there is no better way to appreciate the human touch to the Highlands than to experience the exceptional hospitality on offer throughout, with the freshest seafood, the finest game, countless world class restaurants and welcoming pubs sure to make any visit delicious.
But the Highlands and Islands are so much more than just lochs, mountains and whiskies.
Each of our Islands are a destination in their own right. The Inner Hebrides is an archipelago made up of 35 inhabited and 44 uninhabited islands, including the likes of Mull, Islay, Jura, Skye, Colonsay and Coll. Each blessed with breath-taking landscapes and beaches to rival the Caribbean, there's a smorgasbord of wonder throughout, from the untouched beauty of Jura to the tranquillity of the ancient abbey of Iona and the mind-blowing geological marvel that is Fingal's Cave on Staffa. Seas eagles and incredible seafood abound in Tobermory whilst basking sharks can be spotted off the shores of Coll. And the Isle of Skye is something to behold itself, blessed as it is with not just the Cuillin Range and myriad lochs, but with the ethereal Fairy Pools, the Old Man of Storr and the culinary delights of the world famous Three Chimneys and the Michelin Star Loch Bay Restaurant.
The Outer Hebrides, also known as the Western Isles, are a collection of 15 inhabited and more than 50 uninhabited islands, with Lewis and Harris, South Uist, North Uist, Benbecula, Barra and Eriskay among them. Barra is famous for its crystal-clear waters, where kayaking is a popular activity, whilst the Isle of Harris's world famous Luskentyre Sands are pristine and stretch for miles and contrast greatly with the island's lunar landscapes. The mysterious standing stones at Calanais on the Isle of Lewis are a wonder and St Kilda is now a UNESCO World Heritage Site.
Orkney and Shetland, to the far north, are gateways to another time, with remnants of ancient civilisations at Skara Brae, Brough of Birsay, Maeshowe and the Ring of Brodgar on Orkney and the unearthed history of the Viking era on Unst in Shetland where excavated Viking longhouses are on display.
Explore more of what Scotland has to offer...
Lochs & Glens
Experience the Carlowrie Club Life...
If you would like to stay at The Carlowrie Club and enjoy a unique vacation experience please get in touch.
info@carlowrieclub.com
The Carlowrie Club
Carlowrie Castle
Boathouse Bridge Road
Kirkliston, West Lothian
Scotland, EH29 9ES
© Carlowrie Club 2021


text:
Swingin' Tribute Bands ·· Ladies In The Day at Union Stage
Posted on December 17, 2018December 17, 2018 by peterlillis
DC-based jazz tribute band pays homage to the music of jazz and blues legends from Ella Fitzgerald to Etta James at Union Stage on 12/27
Before Beyonce, Billie Holiday was the Queen Bee.
What would the fabric of American music look like if it weren't for jazz? Long before Aretha, Tina, Whitney, Janet, Brandy, Alicia, and Mary J. Blige, a group of pioneering jazz and blues vocalists fashioned the blueprint for the record-breaking feats enjoyed by some of music's biggest names.
Though sometimes not as trumpted as their male counterparts, the history of jazz has always included remarkable women. From Ella Fitzgerald, the first African-American woman of song, to Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Etta James and countless others, these trailblazing women defined a genre, setting the stage for many of today's pop princess and R&B divas.
Thanks to jazz tribute bands like DC-based Ladies in the Day, you can take a trip back in time and experience what these trailblazing songstresses sounded like back in the day when they played the hottest jazz and blues clubs that used to line U Street.The quartet performs classic renditions that celebrate the legacy and soul of the genre's most influential black women.
Jazz, with its emphasis on individual expression and improvisation, may be the last genre one would expect to spawn tribute bands. But as the home of favorite son Duke Ellington, jazz is a part of the city's DNA. And with the evolving music scene, local jazz musicians are exploring opportunities beyond the usual hot spots and playing gigs in unexpected locations.
While some tribute bands prefer to stay true to a song's original arrangement and structure, Ladies In the Day is known for putting their own twist on the standards. [Ladies in the Day perform "Come Rain or Come Shine" by Billie Holiday].
Says award-winning lead singer Sheila Tolbert, "Jazz tribute bands offer music fans a window into jazz history." She continues," Ladies in the Day started as a side project that allowed us to perform the music we love, but as fans and musicians, we also feel that it's our responsibility to keep the legacy of these of women alive and share their contributions to the music we love and play daily."
The group is comprised of award-winning vocalists who have performed with such names as multiple Grammy-award singer Sting; Grammy and BET-award gospel singer Donnie McClurkin; renowned jazz, soul, and funk musician Lonnie Liston Smith who played with jazz artists Pharoah Sanders and Miles Davis; just to name a few.
LADIES IN THE DAY vocalists:
• Carmen Craven
• Tori Ylon
• Asia
• Sheila D
• Ricardo Abbott – Saxophone
• Dave Marsh – Bass
• Jordan Williams – Keyboard
• Earl Ivey – Drummer
LADIES IN THE DAY play Union Stage on December 27 at 8pm (doors open at 6:30pm) for a special night that promises an evening of jazzy and bluesy tunes reminiscent of the big band era. The joint will be jumping! Tickets available here.
The Mississippi State Society Presents
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Kid Quill: Meet Me at Sunset Tour
Sun Oct 6
Hirie + RDGLDGRN
Kash'd Out
Battle of the Beltway Breweries: Kick the Keg Competition
RaR Brewing, Right Proper Brewing Company, Port City Brewing Company, THIS/SIDE


Expand search to view more listings in and around Cleveland.
See more offices in and around Cleveland.
With offices for lease and flex spaces available for rent in Downtown Cleveland OH and throughout the Cleveland submarkets, we can help your company get in to office space that is ideal for your business' needs.
A number of the office centers provide receptions, state-of-the-art print and scanning facilities, internet and network wiring, telecommunications set up, and furniture. Some of the business centers also provide onsite parking, IT support, meeting rooms, video conferencing, all-hours access and other professional services and amenities.
Click on any of the Cleveland commercial offices for rent shown on this page. The executive office suites and offices for rent on our website are situated in prime business district locations, some in Downtown Cleveland OH or just minutes from Downtown.
A sudden surge in tech-related job openings is the main driving force in the local office market. Today, Cleveland is among the 15 fastest-growing office markets in the nation. The Cleveland OH office space market covers an area of 73 million square feet of office space for lease, rental and purchase, split into urban and suburban areas.
Cleveland Submarkets: Urban sub-markets include the Downtown Cleveland CBD, Chagrin Corridor, Cleveland East, Cleveland Northeast, Cleveland South, Cleveland Southeast, Cleveland Southwest, Cleveland West, and Rockside. The most important suburban sub-markets are East Lake, Lorain County, Akron, Summit County, Medina County, Portage County, and Stark County.
Average Costs: Offices in East Cleveland central business district command the highest rents at average rates of $20 / sq ft / year in a particularly tight market where vacancy rates barely exceed 4 percent. On the other hand, properties in Northeast Cleveland and East Lake are among the most affordable, well below $15 / sq ft / year. Desks in coworking spaces usually average $200 / month (2017 data).
Cleveland Commercial Real Estate : Office Market Outlook: The outlook is generally positive and much more so in specific markets like Northeast Cleveland, where demand from tech sector companies is set to continue. Also in the forecast is the expansion of suburban markets through the addition of approximately 1 million square feet of Class A space.
We provide businesses of all sizes with exceptional executive office suites and office space in Cleveland, Ohio on flexible rental agreements to suit your needs. With an exceptional range of business support services and facilities included, your business can be assured of an easy transition into its new Cleveland premises.
Cleveland is a large city located on the shores of Lake Erie, approximately 130 miles of Pittsburgh and same distance from the state capital city, Columbus. In 2016 Cleveland was named by Time Out magazine one of the best places to live in the United States, given its affordable cost of life, safety, and abundance of green areas.
Since its foundation in the 18th century, Cleveland has been a renowned manufacturing hub, although medical research, bio-medicine, leisure and the arts emerged as important contributors to the local economy during the 2000s. During the same period, infrastructure improvements and the appearance of high tech office premises drew a significant number of companies and tech start-ups to the city, a trend that continues to this day and that has helped create thousands of jobs in this sector. In addition, during the 21st century, several industry clusters have gained importance, as is the case of automotive manufacturing, banking, finance, food processing, metal fabrication, management, oil and gas.
The city's largest employers are Cleveland Clinic, University Hospital, and MetroHealth System, which alone employ nearly 50,000 people. Others include government agencies like the City of Cleveland and the U.S. Office of Personnel Management, along with KeyCorp, Progressive, Giant Eagle, Eaton, Sherwin Williams, and Lincoln Electric. Cleveland's labor market is characterized by below-average unemployment rates and significant job creation in financial activities, construction, leisure and hospitality. Long term employment projections to 2022 suggest that by then, the largest occupational groups will be manufacturing, retail trade, healthcare, social assistance, education, accommodation and food services.
Cleveland's former industrial past gave way to a modern city imbued with entrepreneurial spirit, which now has a thriving tech and start-up scene that received support from government institutions and non-profits alike. Some of the organizations offering support to new business ventures include Jumpstart and Ohio Ventures Association.
Cleveland is Ohio's second largest city and the Greater Cleveland metropolitan area is the state's most populous with more than two million people.
Major attractions in Cleveland include the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, the Greater Cleveland Aquarium, Horseshoe Casino Cleveland, and the Cleveland Botanical Garden.
The city is also home to one of the top hospitals in the country, Cleveland Clinic.
Founded in 1796, Cleveland has long been associated with innovation in manufacturing, and has traditionally been a hub for advanced manufacturing with Cleveland industrial space still in high demand.
The city's strategic location on the shores of Lake Erie and at the crossroads of several canals and railroads helped make it a major manufacturing centre.
We have in-depth knowledge of the local office market which enables us to pinpoint your perfect offices for lease or rent in Cleveland OH from a wide range of centrally located office buildings and spaces available. Most of Cleveland OH office space we feature offers simple, short term and flexible rental agreements, so that your business can gain the benefits of a wide range of facilities and a prestigious business address in Cleveland. We also offer office space for lease and other Cleveland commercial real estate.
Offices.net has an impressive selection of desirable office space for rent in Cleveland OH and other locations throughout the state including spaces for lease just minutes from Downtown, industrial space with onsite parking, shared and private offices in city centers, window office space offering views of Downtown and much more. For all your office requirements, contact us using the form or phone number above.


It used to be that many of the big-name race car drivers routinely raced into their 50s, most notably in NASCAR.
Richard Petty raced until he was 55. The late David Pearson was 54 when he last raced in NASCAR.
But these days, we're seeing the majority of professional racers calling it quits in their early-to-mid 40s – like Tony Stewart, Jeff Gordon, Dale Earnhardt Jr., Greg Biffle and most recently, Jamie McMurray.
But that's not the case for competitors in the National Hot Rod Association. Like fine wine, it seems that the kings of the drag strip only seem to get better and more successful with age.
* Funny Car legend John Force will turn 70 in May. And while he hasn't won a championship since 2013, Force remains one of the biggest forces – no pun intended – in the sport.
Fellow Funny Car drivers still seemingly in their prime include Ron Capps (53 years old), Jack Beckman (52), Tim Wilkerson (turns 58 on Dec. 29), Cruz Pedregon (55) and Gary Densham (62).
* In Top Fuel, the winningest driver and record eight-time champ Tony Schumacher will turn 49 on Dec. 25. Those already on the other side of the 50-year-old line include Clay Millican (52), Doug Kalitta (54), Terry McMillen (64), Billy Torrence (60) and Cory McClenathan (turns 56 on Jan. 30).
And let's not forget the oldest active drag racer on the NHRA professional circuit (albeit part-time rather than full-time), Chicago native Chris Karamesines, who is still racing a Top Fuel dragster at 300-plus mph at the spry young age of 87 years old!
Yes, you read that right, Karamesines is 87 – but could easily pass for 67 – and he has no intention of retiring anytime soon.
* Ironically, the slower Pro Stock class is not as well-represented in the 50-and-over group as is Top Fuel and Funny Car, with only two regulars who have passed the half-century mark: four-time champ Greg Anderson (57) and Kenny Delco (65).
But that 50-and-above fraternity will add at least one other member next year when former champ Jason Line turns 50 on July 24. And five-time champ Jeg Coughlin Jr. will turn 50 in 2020.
* Even the easy riders of Pro Stock Motorcycle have several 50-and-over competitors: Scotty Pollacheck (turns 50 on Feb. 8), 2016 champ Jerry Savoie (turns 60 on Feb. 23), Karen Stofer (54), Steve Johnson (turns 58 on Jan. 19) and Hector Arana (60).
Granted, drag racers don't have the same grueling time spent behind the wheel. Their average run lasts from just over 3.5 seconds to maybe eight or nine seconds.
And unlike driving 400 or 500 laps or miles as in NASCAR, a full four-round race during Sunday eliminations for NHRA racers adds up to one whole mile – or less.
Top Fuel and Funny Car drivers only go a distance of 1,000 feet per run, while Pro Stock and Pro Stock Motorcycle go a full quarter-mile (1,320 feet) in their respective runs.
In a sense, hitting the 5-0 mark or higher has become somewhat of a fountain of youth for several racers.
For example, Capps won his first career Funny Car crown in 2016 at the age of 51.
The same year, Savoie won his first career PSM title at the age of 57.
And Force won his most recent Funny Car title in 2013 at the age of 64.
Force has already gone on record to say that he wants to become the first major pro champion to win a title at 70 years old – which would also become the 17th championship of his illustrious career as the winningest driver in all NHRA history.
He gets a chance toward doing just that when the 2019 NHRA season kicks off at Pomona, California, on Feb. 7-10.


-PROPERTY IS LEASED FOR 18-19 SCHOOL YEAR, AVAILABLE FOR AUGUST 2019 MOVE-IN. – Charming 4 bedroom 2 bath first-floor apartment. Only 10 minutes walking distance from UK! Freshly painted and real hardwood flooring throughout. Formal living room and a bonus room great for a study. 3 of the 4 bedrooms have private entrances. Stacked washer/dryer included. Spacious backyard perfect for hanging out with friends!
Application fee is $50.00 non-refundable. Deposit is equal to one month's rent. Tenant pays for all utilities. No Pets Allowed. No Smoking Allowed.


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text:
import { Component } from "@angular/core";
import { Dialog } from "../../ui/Dialog";
import { KeywordCracker, KeywordCrackerResult } from "./KeywordCracker";
import { Cancelable } from "../../utils/Cancelable";
import { contains } from "../../utils/array";

/**
 * Dialog for cracking the keyword of a keyword cipher.
 */
@Component({
    templateUrl: "assets/decryptor/crackers/keyword-cracker-dialog.html"
})
export class KeywordCrackerDialog extends Dialog<string> {
    /** The cracker to use. */
    private readonly cracker: KeywordCracker;

    /** The encoded text. */
    public encoded: string;

    /** The current running cracking process. Null if none. */
    private running: Cancelable<KeywordCrackerResult | null> | null = null;

    /** The top 100 recorded cracker results sorted by score. */
    public results: KeywordCrackerResult[] = [];

    /** The current run. */
    public run = 0;

    /** The progress of the current run in percent. */
    public progress = 0;

    public constructor() {
        super();
        this.cracker = new KeywordCracker();
    }

    /**
     * Initializes the dialog with the given encoded text to crack. Cracking starts right away.
     *
     * @param encoded  The encoded text to crack.
     */
    public init(encoded: string): void {
        this.encoded = encoded;
        this.start();
    }

    /**
     * Starts cracking.
     */
    public start(): void {
        if (!this.running) {
            this.run++;
            this.running = this.cracker.crack(this.encoded, result => {
                if (!contains(this.results, result)) {
                    const results = this.results.slice();
                    const oldResult = results.find(v => v.getMessage() === result.getMessage());
                    if (oldResult) {
                        if (result.getKeyword().length < oldResult.getKeyword().length) {
                            results.splice(results.indexOf(oldResult), 1, result);
                        }
                    } else {
                        results.push(result);
                    }
                    results.sort((a, b) => {
                        const scoreDiff = b.getScore() - a.getScore();
                        if (scoreDiff === 0) {
                            return a.getKeyword().length - b.getKeyword().length;
                        }
                        return scoreDiff;
                    });
                    this.results = results.slice(0, 100);
                }
            }, (current, max) => {
                this.progress = Math.round(100 * current / max);
            });
            this.running.then(() => {
                this.running = null;
                this.start();
            }, () => {
                this.running = null;
            });
        }
    }

    /**
     * Stops cracking.
     */
    public async stop(): Promise<void> {
        if (this.running) {
            await this.running.cancel();
            this.running = null;
        }
    }

    /**
     * Clears the results.
     */
    public async clear(): Promise<void> {
        await this.stop();
        this.run = 0;
        this.progress = 0;
        this.results = [];
    }

    /**
     * Checks if results are empty.
     *
     * @return True if results are empty, false if not.
     */
    public get emptyResult(): boolean {
        return this.results.length === 0;
    }

    /** @inheritDoc */
    public close(value: string | null = null): void {
        this.stop();
        super.close(value);
    }
}


Danh Hien is the trademark of an enterprise specializing in handcrafted jewelry, working as a family tradition. This business was established in 1950 by Nguyen Van Hien, a craftsman. The founder was born in a family has a tradition of fine arts handicrafts. He used to learn and work in Cambodia at a jewelry shop specializing in making jewelry for Sihanouk royal family. His works significantly influenced the development of jewelry industry in Saigon among the 1950s to 1960s.
Danh Hien is now operating with two jewelry stores and a jewelry workshop with 120 skillful craftsmen. Its diamond products are all made under the standard of GIA (Gemological Institute of America).
We develop a new logo and brand identity to make Danh Hien Jewelers stand out with luxury and modern values, long-lasting traditions, uniqueness, and their attention to details.
Our main inspiration comes from a diamond. The big challenge we had to face is to make an exceptionally creative and unique brand mark from the popular diamond cliche. Their idea is the combination of initial letters of Danh Hien, the top view of the diamond and Celtic Arts to form the geometric signature.
Bratus chose a serif typeface to represent the aesthetics and fashion industry. The color palette is selected to show the charm and femininity. The supplementary color palette has been carefully picked to ensure the harmonious and flexible identity.
We crafted the inspiration from the structure and the block image of precious stones, diamond and the bond of chemical components under the guarantee of tidiness and elegance. The pattern structure can apply flexibly at different angles.
The stationery is produced on plain-colored high weight stocks, with gold foiled, embossing, printed-edge, and handcrafted techniques.


FAMILY RAISED , ALL MOVED ON AND READY FOR NEW OWNER! THIS HOME OFFERS VAULTED LIVING/DINING ROOM AND THREE SPACIOUS BEDROOMS. WHITE CABINET KITCHEN WITH NEUTRAL TILE FLOORING. SUNROOM ADDITION OFF THE KITCHEN IS A HUGE EAT IN AREA! TAKE IN THE NATURE WITH THE MATURE TREES, 2 ACRES AND CUSTOM DECK. OUTBUILDINGS ALLOWED ON PROPERTY. HOME HAS BEEN LIVED IN,LOVED AND IS PRICED TO SELL! THIS COULD BE FOR A FIRST TIME HOME BUYER OR SOMEONE THAT WOULD LIKE TO BUILD A LITTLE EQUITY. HOME IS PERFECTLY LIVEABLE BUT SOLD AS IS.