Designing apps and mobile sites are where a lot of designers get stuck. If this seems like a familiar problem, the following tips will help you with your design questions. These simple recommendations will help you design a modern website.
You should update your content and get rid of expired content regularly. Failing to update your page with current information and upcoming events will cost you in terms of site visitors. Readers want to read sites that are current. Keeping old information on your site demonstrates that your site lacks attention.` Review your website often, to remove anything which isn't updated with the latest content.
Consider your website's background carefully. There are sites out there that use animated GIF images for their backgrounds. This might be OK for a personal site, but it can also be a serious distraction that makes it hard for readers to focus on the text. Choose a background which coordinates well with the message that you are trying to impart, it must blend in well with the balance of your website design.
Make your website easy to scan. Most people do not read all the text on a website; instead, they scan for interesting tidbits. You are more apt to gain returning readers if text is broken down and can be scanned easily. Put the pertinent information near the top of your page. Your visitors will enjoy their time on the website more.
A good key to remember is that your site should load in 10 seconds or less. Efficient sites should be visible in seconds so the viewer does not get side tracked. Many people browsing the web want instant gratification, so if you want to catch their attention, you need to provide that.
Keep your topics separated. If you have several topics of discussion on your site, put them on different pages. This helps your visitors navigate your site more seamlessly, and it helps search engines understand what you have to offer better. This translates to higher rankings.
Use a newsletter to gain repeat visitors. This can be an excellent way of building your client base. Place a signup form on your site in a sidebar, while maintaining a list of everyone who signs up. Just send your newsletter to subscribers.
Try doing some research on a variety of keywords. Although content is important, you must develop a customer base using keywords. Making use of keywords is what drives traffic to your site and makes it successful.
Don't lump all your topics together on one page. Separate topic of discussion throughout your site by putting them on separate pages. Your content will be more readable to your visitors and more visible to search engines, resulting in higher rankings.
Include photos into your website. Having personal pictures on your site makes your site appear more user friendly. When the visitors seed that you spent more time putting together your site, they'll look forward to clicking on your next picture.
Avoid using too may font types. You should also look at how various fonts appear when seen on a computer screen. Smaller fonts can be challenging to see. Times New Roman is a great example. Verdana is one of those popular fonts that is readable in all sizes and colors.
Frames are one feature to eliminate if you are attempting to optimize your site for search engines. While many people like frames, information tends to not be easily seen via search engines. You will not get a good search engine ranking if your information cannot be ranked. You won't get as many visitors.
Choose your fonts carefully. You should only choose fonts that look professional and are easy to read. Most corporate sites use just a few basic fonts. Don't use fancy fonts, such as Comic Sans since many computers don't have them. Fonts on your website can be set to match the default font used by the computer of your visitors. This could cause it to look bad.
A visitor counter does not add to the appearance of your website. You may think it's improving your site, when in fact, it is not desirable. Get rid of the counter and monitor your traffic by other means.
Website counters were popular in the 90s but are rather unattractive now. You might like the number going up, but your visitors don't like it. Get rid of it and use other ways to see how many people have visited your site.
Getting help in designing your website isn't a failure. Web design includes web programming, interface design, creating content, as well as search engine optimization. There is no shame in getting help when you need it. So, consider hiring a specialist to help you make your website great.
Don't copy other websites' designs in your niche or make websites that are too similar to your competitors' websites. Check out your competitors' websites. You won't rise above the competition if you create the exact same, or even a similar, website to your competitors' website. It will only serve to make you a diluted version of what someone else has already done.
Make sure your site is secure. Purchase a SSL certificate if you handle payments or other person information. In addition, check with your website host for any offered security packages.
Even though development platforms provide you with code, some are not nearly as trustworthy as classic text editors. The concept behind development platforms is that once you choose your site's features, you paste the code created by the platform into your website. If you hope to gain a real understanding of coding, though, then a text editor is a good learning tool.
Set up a visual sitemap to help you with planning the website. With this sitemap, you will be able to track how the structure of your website is developing. You can also look and identify any areas that could use some improvement on, or areas that you feel could just be different. You cannot discount having a clear image of your end product.
For creating your own website, consider using Adobe Dreamweaver. It is ideal for beginner builders and easy to learn. It is feature rich, with lots of layouts and templates. It can also help with testing the site so you know how it will look once on the server.
If you find yourself needing to create many similar pages in a subsection of your site, use one of those pages as a template. Instead of generating new HTML code for every single page, copy the main section of code, tweak it where needed, and then save it as a new file each time. You can use the template file as much as you want.
Use headlines throughout your website. These taglines should be in text that is large and bold so that they are the first thing a viewer will notice when he or she follows your links. The tagline itself is for informative purposes. It should quickly define the current page or its purpose, if you will. This can easily make or break a visit to the site.
Having blank space in your site is a good design feature, so do not make the mistake in thinking that you website should be packed all the way. It makes your site easier to read, and your content easier to remember.
Don't push annoying things on your visitors. Do not make a visitor complete a survey in order to receive more information. Also, avoid using popup offers. Forcing users to behave in a certain manner can cause alienation; users may avoid your site and badmouth your company.
When you design any website, make certain that everyone can access it. Have people from other countries test drive your site. Other countries may have different standards that cause your site to look different.
Don't purchase books showing you how to build your own website. It is not necessarily a bad investment. Many professional books and magazines exit that have a ton of great information in them. The same content is available online free, though. Expensive books won't have any more helpful information than free books.
Make your interface tools easy for your visitors to use. Ensure your underlined text is clickable and make sure they will change color once they are clicked. If you get the design of your site down, your visitors wills tick around longer and they'll come back to your site again and again.
Be careful when you upload video content for your site; remember that a lot of Internet users are still operating with very limited bandwidth. While it's tempting to upload your multimedia at 5,000 kb/s, this speed may be too much for some people's internet connections to handle. This means a very slow-loading video that's going to buffer every other second.
Link your logo to your home web page. Most people now expect clickable logos that take them back to the main web page. Imagine your reader's frustration as they click away with nothing happening! They might think it's broken, and that your site isn't as good as they thought. Therefore, an interactive logo will enhance your site considerably.
The security of your site is important. It is probably wise to buy an SSL certificate if you accept credit card or PayPal payments on your site. Often times, extra security features can be provided if inquired about, so make sure to ask.
Always seek feedback about your site design. Others may be able to point out flaws or challenging navigation on your site. If you can, ask members who are part of your target audience to test drive your site and provide feedback.
Website creation is a fast moving and constantly changing technology that requires you to keep in touch with the latest updates. The future for most companies is reliant on websites. Creative and well designed websites, as you can see, can be quite profitable.
Each page you design should be validated. There a lot of WYSIWYG editors that will add meaningless code to your website design. If you are using this type of program, go the extra mile and get your code validated through a service that specializes in validation. The World WIde Web Consortium (W3C) offers a free service to validate pages.
Technology with the Internet is advancing faster than ever. Methods you had success with a couple of years ago might not help today. You need to continually keep up on new techniques. The information you learned about here is designed to keep you informed on what's going on today.
Domain auction websites can be excellent sources for domain names. Domain auctions such as SEDO are great places to purchase domain names that already have been used, and this can greatly help your site. Even though some expense might be involved, a great domain name usually makes the money worthwhile.


iPhone/iPod touch only: Freeware application Touchpad Pro turns your iPhone or iPod touch into a multi-touch mouse for any operating system. You'll need a jailbroken iPhone or iPod touch, then just install Touchpad Pro from Installer.app. To get it working with your computer, you'll need to install VNC (it's already running on your Mac) and follow the instructions on the site. Once it's running, you can use your iPhone's screen like a MacBook Air trackpad, which means you get the regular mouse actions in addition to two-finger scroll, double-finger-tap right-click, and a ton more (check out the video for the full demonstration). Touchpad Pro is freeware, iPhone/iPod touch only.


Magneto 2 is amazing with its features and we are impressed with it. Know for Dotmailer integration, Magneto shipping, instant purchase, MFTF and most popular one is zero-step checkout and more.
Magento 1.14.3.9 and 1.9.3.9 security has been making waves in the ecommerce industry. Let us see some of its enhanced security features.


WIth advances in AI and the cloud, quality engineering can result in far more reliable, resilient and high-performance applications and architectures.
Whether it's a blowout at an oil rig or the crash of an e-commerce site, the failure of big, complex systems is usually caused not by one catastrophic component failure or human error but a series of small breakdowns in equipment and processes that combine in unpredictable ways.
The 2010 explosion of the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig, for example, has been linked to eight separate mechanical and human failures. These include improperly formulated cement that failed to seal the bottom of the borehole, the misinterpretation of pressure tests that might have signaled imminent disaster, and a dead battery and defective switch that kept preventive equipment from functioning.
In early 2017, a similar series of failures led to a nearly five-hour outage of Amazon's Simple Storage Service (S3). The problem began when an Amazon employee debugging a billing system inadvertently took a number of critical servers offline. Those systems, in turn, took more time to recover than expected because their recovery processes had not been checked during years of rapid growth in the S3 service. Finally, because of its dependency on the S3 service, it was impossible to update the AWS Service Health Dashboard with information about the outage.
The risk of such cascading and interrelated failures is why quality engineering (QE) has become so important. Quality engineering focuses on building quality into software and services from the very start of the development lifecycle, rather than leaving it to a final testing phase.
While quality engineering is not new, ongoing advances in artificial intelligence (AI) and the availability of massive cloud-based processing power allow quality engineering to deliver far more reliable, flexible, resilient and high-performance applications and architectures more quickly than ever before. Using AI, quality engineers in multiple industries are predicting and preventing equipment failures, and developing physical robots to inspect and even repair hard-to-reach areas in equipment such as aircraft engines. Digital enterprises are using software robots (sometimes called "monkeys") to automatically find and fix problems before they can crash critical systems.
AI enables the analysis of years of information about the performance of various software modules to predict defects when certain combinations of code interact. This helps organizations prevent problems, which is far less expensive than fixing them, and to better predict whether projects can be completed on-time and will meet customer needs.
The resulting delivery of "quality at speed" means lower development and support costs, faster time to market, greater customer satisfaction, and opportunities to lead new industry segments with innovative digital solutions.
Today's digital services tap data from a wide range of sources and must deliver a delightful experience on an array of platforms. This makes for massive complexity and the potential for thousands of failure scenarios. What's more, the list of "moving parts" that must work together flawlessly are continuously changing as new devices, protocols and information sources (such as the Internet of Things) enter the picture.
The first is taking a systems-thinking approach to how all components in the application and services ecosystem work together. We use quality engineering to assess the components and their interactions early in the development cycle, and strengthen them to create a scalable, resilient ecosystem.
The second is to constantly monitor the quality of the live system and collect feedback in every area, from performance and security to customer satisfaction. This feedback is amplified and analyzed to drive enhancements, ensuring there are no adverse consequences to the improvements.
Monkeys that break: This type of bot simulates all possible weaknesses to identify potential failure points and thus create a more resilient ecosystem. Netflix pioneered this approach with Chaos Monkey, which randomly introduces problems to make sure an application can withstand failures without harming the customer experience. We helped a large communications service provider use the open-sourced Chaos Monkey to run various failure scenarios such as CPU usage spikes and network latency. We simulated and analyzed both isolated and complex failures, and used the insights to upgrade the infrastructure for a 25% reduction in platform outages.
Monkeys that build: This bot detects system failures in live systems and automatically builds fixes to those issues through self-learning and self-healing. We apply these bots to analyze how customers use fast-changing applications or services to perform common activities, and to find and fix problems to assure quality and a superior customer experience. At a leading CSP, we used build monkeys to identify and remotely fix common infrastructure problems, resulting in a significant reduction in on-site repair visits.
AI algorithms that analyze historical and projected trends in both system and business performance to identify potential performance and security issues. We center our analysis on the customer journey to ensure robustness across usage scenarios and graceful degradation of the user experience in the event of failure.
Continual monitoring of the live system to assess potential performance, scalability or security issues and share recommended fixes with the core team. We combine this with a crowdsourced testing exercise to uncover any blind spots. We use "monkeys that fix" to automatically run test and self-heal processes and send information to the service team, while remediating issues so the user experience isn't harmed. All this is also enabled by a cloud-based quality engineering framework and a real-time dashboard accessible by all stakeholders.
This is only one example of how a quality engineering-first mindset ensures that quality is engineered into all aspects of the application and systems lifecycle. With today's low-cost open source frameworks, cloud-based AI platforms, crowd-sourced testing and easily accessible best practices, quality engineering isn't only for rocket scientists. It's for anyone who needs to deliver quality, at speed and at scale, for digital success.
N. Subramanian, a Cognizant AVP and Process and Quality Consulting Leader Offshore, contributed to this blog.


Leaders in the field of sustainable plantation management and agarwood production, Asia Plantation Capital recently donated 15 Aquilaria sinensis saplings to the United World College South East Asia (UWCSEA). The gift was in recognition of UWCSEA's commitment to the creation of a more peaceful and sustainable future, as well as its efforts in educating the community on its responsibility to conserve and protect the environment.
Photo caption: UWCSEA Director of Sustainability, Nathan Hunt, with UWCSEA students and the APC team after planting Aqualaria Sinensis in the school grounds.
UWCSEA Director of Sustainability, Nathan Hunt said, "Our ambition is to develop the skills and qualities in students that are needed to build a more sustainable future -- a future where practical environmental stewardship becomes a major part of every child's education."
With education in mind, and the 'haze' prevalent in the region at the time (due to forestry-related pollution) Asia Plantation Capital was given the opportunity to give a presentation in March 2015 to approximately 300 students at UWCSEA's Dover Campus. This was as part of the college's week-long education programme on sustainability and its implications for people and businesses.
The presentation by John Berry, Asia Plantation Capital's Business Development Director - Asia Pacific, focused on forestry, and illustrated the ways in which APC runs its plantations compared to other forestry-related companies. Mr Berry also suggested ways in which companies could improve their procedures, in order to prevent forest fires being started -- either accidentally, or deliberately. The presentation also discussed forestry products and what types of plants could be used for different industries.
"The idea to support UWCSEA's Forestry Foundation by way of donating an agarwood tree," said John Berry, "or more specifically the Aquilaria sinensis sapling, came after a recent discussion I had with Nathan Hunt. We discussed what the Foundation was teaching with regards to flora and fauna, and this idea came up. By donating these saplings, students at UWCSEA will be able to learn more about this agarwood species, while conserving it."
The Aquilaria sinensis is a genus of fifteen species of tree in the Thymelaeaceae family, which is native to Southeast Asia. The trees that grow to between six and 20 metres in height are found in the rainforests of China and is one the species grown on APC's plantations.
Asia Plantation Capital has proven itself to be a pioneer and innovator in the sustainable plantation sector, and its Scientific Advisory Board, working alongside a team of researchers, has evolved technologies -- many of which have been patented -- to ensure that the once endangered species of Aquilaria tree is now flourishing in the wild and continuing to produce one of nature's most precious substances.
The products made from the trees on Asia Plantation Capital's estates have full CITES (the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora) approval and certification -- a testament to the fact that the company is passionate about its role in not only making sure that there are agarwood supplies around for future generations, but also that products are sourced ethically and sustainably.
About Asia Plantation Capital The Asia Plantation Capital Group is a multi-award-winning sustainable plantation operator and management company, with projects across four continents, and a global workforce in excess of 2,000. A market leader in the industry, its Scientific Advisory Board is comprised of leading academics from various countries (China, Thailand, Malaysia, India, Switzerland and the United Arab Emirates), who have, between them, developed and patented industry-leading technologies and systems.


If you end up putting your television in your living room and searching for a nice spot for it it is best to think where you might be seated. The underside of the television needs to be about at chest stage from where you're seating in the room. This can create a extra pleasing television experience. Layer in patterns and textures throughout your interior design. These touches could be very enjoyable and inspiring. As effectively, the textures add a new sense dimension to your room. When individuals are having fun with your space, they will be engaged not only by their eyes, but also by their sense of contact.
Make sure to keep your area practical whenever you design an office. Lighting is important to work spaces, together with a comfortable chair and desk. Your precedence ought to be in creating a space that it would be best to work in, and this will embody making the space visually attention-grabbing. The entire lighting of any room will depend on the curtains you put up. Darker colors, like black, brown, and dark, purple or blue, don't permit sufficient natural gentle to enter the room, inflicting it to be dark. Attempt to get lighter-coloured curtains, like tan, white, peach, beige and taupe.
If you wish to create these areas in your home that truly wow, you need the suitable info. With a little bit of know-how, some elbow grease and a touch of creativity, you'll be able to flip your visions into actuality. Use the recommendation and ideas you will have realized here to help you get started. Contemplate applying wallpaper to only 50% of a wall. It may be costly to redecorate. Cowl half of the wall with wallpaper to save cash. For example, you might use wallpaper on half of the wall, then complement it with paint or a decorative border. This may make your private home look stylish with out breaking the financial institution.
This can let you realize whether or not you, and the designer have the identical tastes.
When fascinated about utilizing wall sconces, it's best to figure out the location, as you do not want to should a lot muddle within the room. At all times go away some room around a mirror so as to let it breath. This is determined by the dimensions of the mirror; but step back and make this determination when you are placing them. In case you have shabby, out of date wanting kitchen appliances, think about painting them. There are new equipment paints in the marketplace that can change white to silver or silver to black, relying in your style. You'll find them in most hardware stores. That is a simple solution to replace your kitchen with out spending so much on new home equipment.
If you have children in your house, chances are you'll need to think about using slip covers. Slip covers are very versatile, as you possibly can match them to the colours of your furnishings. Use completely different patterns because the seasons change. An amazing interior design tip is to start out going trying to find antiques. You don't have to pay a fortune to get some attention-grabbing antiques. You possibly can all the time go to local stores and attempt to barter with them. Who knows, you may find yourself with something that will spark many conversations.
Wall sconces are a great way to add lighting to any room, and they should have a focus on the wall that they relate to. You may need to watch out about their proximity to that focus, although. For example, if the mirror is the target, you do not want the sconce to be right on top of it. The dimensions of the mirror will determine exactly the way you hang the sconces. Use lamps. Except for merely trying good around the house, lamps are a good way to create a relaxing environment around your property. They are better at lending to a fascinating ambiance than the harsh light of an overhead fixture. Lamps can also prevent fairly a bit in your electrical energy bill.
A good inside-design tip is to think about what's more important to you when making big purchases equivalent to fridge or other accessories. Do you prefer style or is function an important attribute for you? A whole lot of merchandise should sacrifice one for the other of their design. Choose colors of the same hue. When you do that, even when the colours seem like they might not "match," they are in the same colour family. That makes them mix in a means that's pleasing to the eye. When you get shade swatches from a retailer, check out the colours in the same place on every card. Those are the ones with related hue values.
Making a small area appear larger is a design purpose of many interior decorating initiatives. This impact could be countered by painting partitions with brilliant, gentle colors like off-whites or pastels.


One of the easiest ways to add structure to your wardrobe is to work with proportions. A proportion is a certain combination of item categories, for example slim-fitting jeans + a t-shirt + ballet flats or a short-sleeve maxi dress + a cropped jacket, which can be created in lots of different versions. Proportions are the mental framework we use to build our outfits, consciously or not, and if you consider the types of outfits you wear you will probably be able to spot quite a few recurring proportions, i.e. something like a repertoire of tried-and-tested combinations that you always go back to.
to develop a uniform: Find one proportion that optimally represents your style, fits the individual contours of your body well and suits your lifestyle, and then curate about 2 - 4 different versions for each item category, so you can build several variations of your uniform.
to build a capsule wardrobe:Choose 3 to 5 proportions and distribute 20 - 30-pieces across the respective item categories. For maximum versatility, pick proportions that share some item categories, e.g. proportion 1: short skirt + button-down shirt and proportion 2: short skirt + t-shirt.
to expand your repertoire of outfits: Use proportions like an outfit-building technique to come up with new ideas. For example, if you want to wear your boyfriend jeans and need to choose a top to wear with them, instead of going by colour, a style (casual/elegant) or a fabric, consider which type of item category you could pair them with and which overall silhouette you want to create.
Below you'll find 19 proportions of varying combinations of those variables, although I mainly focused on fall-appropriate proportions and only included a few shorts/shortsleeve top ones. Bear in mind that proportions are distinct from style. The below pictures all come from my pinterest boards, so of course they all share a certain overall look, but each one of them could also be interpreted using a completely different style concept, with bright colours, heavy detailing, etc.
I will be adding more proportions to this board on a regular basis. Check it out for more variations of the below proportions and all image sources.
Which proportions do you wear on a day-to-day basis?


The SJCAM M20 is SJCAM's smallest, most portable action sport camera to date, capable of shooting stunning 2K videos and photos. The M20 features gyro stabilisers and distortion correction for the clearest quality photo and video, and a 166 degree adjustable wide angle lens to capture stunning landscapes in full detail. This genuine action camera includes a waterproof housing that can protect the device for up to 30 metres underwater, and can also act as a perfect dash cam for your car or as a first-person view camera for drones and quadcopters.


While maintaining sustainable development, Hongfa focuses on environmental protection and energy-saving by technical innovation.
New Products Hongfa develops 10-15 new products annually covering relays, low voltage devices, etc.
Innovation www.lnoqc.twbines advanced technology with products and service to create a new high-tech life for users.
Solutions Hongfa provides best suitable solutions for all industries.
Copyright Xiamen Hongfa Electroacoustic Co., Ltd.


text:
Hurt People Hurt People and Other Bullshit
August 20, 2013 by Chump Lady
My cousin Mike as a child was a terrible bully. All the kids in town were terrified of him. I remember in the first grade telling someone that he was my cousin and they looked at me astounded — YOU are related to HIM? (I was a quiet, curly-haired uber dork. Bully bait. And he was this blonde, athletic neo-Nazi.)
He used to jump out of bushes and try and knock me and his sister Suzy off of our bikes. Or he'd tie us to a tree and punch us in the stomach. Or dunk us in the swimming pool until we nearly drowned. Yeah, he was delightful.
Anyway, he's all grown up now and by all accounts a well-adjusted husband, father, business man and golf aficionado. My grandmother used to say, "God, he was a rotten kid, but he's so NICE now!" I dunno. I have my suspicions. If he had a torture chamber set up in the dungeon of a country club pro shop somewhere, I wouldn't be surprised. But near as I can tell from brief encounters with him at family gatherings, he doesn't remember any of our history. He shakes my hand and is quite friendly.
The point of this little save-it-for-therapy nugget is that as a child, when I would complain to his mother that he was being mean, she would say — "Oh, that's just because he likes you."
Yes, that's what boys do when they like you — they torture you and call you names. This was very confusing to 6 year old me, because I clearly felt that Mike did not like me one bit. Bullying me was great sport. But maybe I just didn't understand boys? Maybe sticking my head under water was a sign of affection? Or attention getting? Did I have him wrong? This was my first introduction to subcontext — the idea that people had hidden motivations that were completely incongruent with their behavior. That there was a context (affection) beneath the other obvious context (aggression).
As much as I thought about bullies growing up (when I wasn't trying to avoid them altogether), I heard that they suffered from low self esteem. They had issues at home that drove them to be bullies.
But then studies came out in recent years — with more societal openness and concern about bullies — that lo and behold, bullies don't suffer from low self esteem . They think they are just splendid. In fact, that's part of their problem — they apparently have too much esteem for themselves and not enough for others. If you want to read more on the topic, here's an interesting article summarizing the research. It discusses an additional phenomenon about aggression — it's a narcissistic kind of "self esteem" that is highly sensitive to insult. One researcher theorizes that bullies lash out when they feel this highly inflated sense of themselves is threatened by others. So best to keep the troops in line, let them know what's what.
God, where was this research when I was a kid? My instincts were dead on. That suggestion that Mike "liked" me was utter bullshit. No, he slugged me in the stomach because he felt entitled to pick on younger, smaller, weaker kids. I don't deny he was troubled or had issues (clearly!), but he had no business preying on us, just because he could.
I think there is a real danger in asking children to sympathize with someone who is abusing them. It teaches kids, especially girls, to be chumps. To see the "good" in bad behavior. To come up with convoluted reasons why people treat you like shit. Well, they had bad role models, a poor diet, shame issues, FOO issues, were abused themselves. And the trope you see all the time — hurt people hurt people.
No. Entitled people hurt people.
We've all been hurt. No one gets through life unscathed. It doesn't give you permission to treat others like shit.
You see this hurt people hurt people thinking on reconciliation sites all the time. Or call-in advice shows, like Dr. Jenn. Some poor woman will call in — "Well, I've been dating Bob for 7 years and he won't commit." Then she gives a long litany of Bob's misdeeds and proceeds to excuse every one of them with crap like "he's confused, and very afraid to trust again. He was hurt so badly in his other relationship/by his parents/was scared by a clown as a child…" Meanwhile, Bob goes happily along being Bob. While she tries torturously to decode him.
Because there is SOME other reason, right? It can't be that Bob likes to tie you to trees and punch you in the gut? The REAL reason somewhere in this mess is that Bob LIKES you. Let's find the evidence for that. Isn't that a better message than Bob is an asshole?
Why are we so reluctant to draw conclusions about bad behavior? Why do we need a host of motivating factors? Why can't we believe that some people behave abhorrently out of a sense of entitlement and POWER?
Let's take a historical example. How ridiculous would it be if I tried to explain Saddam Hussein by saying he suffered from low self esteem? When he was gassing Kurds, he did it out of deep feelings of inadequacy and residual rage he felt towards his mother.
Of course, that's silly. We all agree he was a ruthless despot. He gassed Kurds because he could. Because they annoyed him with their demands for autonomy.
Or take the institution of slavery. There you had a whole culture of entitlement. Generations of slave holders felt it was perfectly their right and due to treat blacks as inferior, because they OWNED them (or they had to be owned, because they were inferior). Every slave holder wasn't a personality disorder — they just operated with a set of cultural assumptions that said it was okay to keep slaves and treat them like shit. It was permitted. Encouraged even!
So knowing this about human nature, why don't we draw these parallels to our personal life. Dynamics of power and aggression exist. People will try to gain advantage over other people for their own selfish purposes. Sometimes people will behave cruelly, because they see you as weaker or less deserving then they are.
Sometimes these people are wicked tyrants in foreign lands and sometimes these people are your cousin. Or your spouse.
Well, that's the disturbing thing, isn't it? The people close to us are not supposed to abuse us. They must have reasons that go beyond the obvious (i.e., it's fun to fuck around). They have intimacy issues. They were threatened by your success. They were driven to it by your sexlessness. Maybe they really like you! It's just that they can't communicate that, because they fear your reaction. They feel shame.
I think you should be more patient with them. Love them through this difficult period. Be more understanding. Write them a letter telling them how you feel! Dialogue!
How's that working for you, chumps?
Yeah. Didn't work for me either.
Filed Under: Fog, Spackle
Previous article: Dear Chump Lady, I can't meet him halfway…. literally
Next article: We Both Love You
Wow, insightful new look into the low-esteem thing with bullies. Never thought of it this way, because , as you said, we've been trained to accept this as, oh they like you! If that is how someone treats me who supposedly "likes" or even "loves" me, then I'd rather take my chances with a starving bear!!
Autumm says
Lmao.I'm with u starving bear any day
Mwahaha, love the "starving bear" comment!
Ummmmm, I think I' ll pass on the letter.
CL–I found your site when I got tired of seeing spouse-cheating as this quasi-normal thing in society. I married well and have never had to deal with cheating, but wondered if there were voices out there that didn't think cheating was acceptable.
Your work is outstanding!
Bud says
There are plenty of us chumps who don't think cheating is acceptable. What sucks is way back in the beginning of my relationship with my cheating wife. She expressed the same thoughts. Not sure if the other chumps ever had the same sort of conversations with their cheating spouses during their marriage. Turns out it doesn't apply to my cheating wife if she's not happy because of her so called Midlife crisis and found out she liked lying to me and the kids while getting drunk and screwing her old divorced High School boyfriend from 30 yrs ago.
Oh, I am sure we all have had the exact many conversations with our cheaters. Mine of course went on and on about how no one seems to take marriage seriously anymore. Shockingly neither did he, but don't try telling him that. In his mind he's a saint !!! Seriously… you can't make this shit up!
MovingOn says
Yes– my XWH also agreed long ago that cheating was a dealbreaker, the lowest thing you could do to a trusting spouse, etc.
Apparently, not only does he think that cheating is just fine, but he's also okay with lying since he clearly lied to me (or at least lied to himself at the time).
DuckLinerUpper says
Mine did the same turnaround! When we first met, he told me he thought cheating was disgusting and would never, ever do it. He said if he knew of anyone else cheating, he would tell their spouse right away.
Wow, how his tune changed!
Chumpalicious says
My ex used to work for a disgusting philanderer that was doing the secretary, causing her to have way too much power in the business. And boy did she pull rank. He went on and on about it. Now that he's the boss man, well, golly gee, that shoe does fit after all! It's like he became EVERYTHING he hated. Especially the holier-than-thou-church-every-Sunday-don't-associate-with-rabble-like-you-anymore bullshit.
I got a letter recently saying that *he* forgives *me*. Super duper. Wrong approach, asshole.
Datdamwuf says
OMG during false R my ex said he thought a male neighbor wasn't really a friend to my female neighbor, he was cheating on his wife and has been for years. I was like WTF? I think he was trying to normalize what he was doing actually.
yep, they see the world as they actually are. I know so much about subliminal red flags now — much too late.
OMG chumps slay me.
"Wrong approach, asshole."
That had me busting up.
what does he forgive you for?
not killing him?
My ex also said he forgives me….for what I am not sure but I guess it was that I called him stupid once 5 years ago at a party when I had a bit too much to drink or maybe it was because I forgot he wanted a glass of wine in our honeymoon, or perhaps it was me defending waitstaff everyone by calling his mom out on being a lousy tipper…and yes those are just 3 of the reasons he gave for living a double life for 6 months while planning his escape. I remember when I got that email, I balled like a child and thought " well if you have forgiven me why are we getting divorced?" Idiot.
Yes, it's your fault he cheated. The other woman told him so.
I think it's part of the "let's move on" strategy of burying the issue and most importantly, shifting blame. It goes like this: "I forgive you" now your turn….. (crickets) "Ok, well, you're obviously still living in the past, so good luck with that, you should get some help"
anudi says
During my false-R days, my MIL and brothers in law asked my exH to forgive me for all my *sins* and give me *another chance*. My MIL specifically advised me to not inquire where he was going etc. I balked.
PattyToo says
Boy were YOU ganged up on! I hope you laughed in their faces, what a family of gaslighters!
Nord says
My ex in laws also ganged up on me at the beginning of this bs. MIL was all over me and 'really supportive' until the day I saw a lawyer. Then she bailed and we haven't spoken in a very long time. This is viewed as me being 'bitter'. Well, 6 weeks after I chucked him out she hosted OW for an overnight in her home so yeah, I think I needed to step away from that bitch.
My ex, too, used to say what a jerk and an idiot his philandering father was, how his cheating lost the father his first wife, who is a really great person (ex's mother), how if he was unhappy in his second marriage he should just leave instead of cheating, how he couldn't treat anyone well, and look at the results ….
Turns out he's doing EXACTLY what his father has always done, down to the smallest details.
KarenE
My STBX – almost the same thing! Philandering father, married first wife young, cheated on first wife (STBX's mother), married OW, cheated on her constantly, still with third wife. My STBX? About to marry his (as soon as our D is final) his third wife. He has become the thing he said he hated.
Holy cow! My STBX also complained bitterly about how his father treated his mother. His father had had a long-term affair in the city where he was stationed. STBX couldn't stand to be under the same roof as his father. He resented that his father spent time with OW instead of with his own family.
And yet now…
count me in too… hey… hmmm… seems we have a consensus here. Our cheating shitheads deplore that type of behavior in others. Well wudaya know?
Oh, we could call it transference or acting out what they deplore…blah… but I dunno… the word, crazy certainly comes to mind here.
I think its more a case of them saying what they know we want to hear. What are they gonna say? "Oh being a lying, selfish, cheating asshole looks like fun, think I'll give it a try". Slight of hand, say all the right things so you don't notice what's really going on.
Or maybe they're just garbage.
TimeHeals says
You forgot to add, "Above all, he gassed the Kurds because he liked them". LOL
firepainter says
Ha ha, yes! This all put me in mind of the lyrics of a great Merle Haggard song:
You must have been mad at me when you said I'm in love with you
And you made me believe in you and that you wanted me
If you really had love in mind and it hurtin' me all this time
I wonder what you would do if you hated me
If love causes this much pain and revenge really played no part
And you're about to break my heart when you're through with me
And I wonder what you would do if you hated me
You must have been mad at me
Merle is the man! Here's my favorite chump song of his:
Movin_on says
"They have intimacy issues. They were threatened by your success. They were driven to it by your sexlessness. Maybe they really like you! It's just that they can't communicate that, because they fear your reaction. They feel shame."
THIS. How many MCs told me "he's so damaged by his past. But he's not the type to cheat – no way." And he was cheating under all our noses. Not all people who have suffered behave this way. Disordered bullies do.
shrink needs to go back and study psych 101.
personality disorders.
but even IF he is so very damaged. (hey, aren't we all???) soooooo? and do I have to remain a victim and stay in abusive situation because he's fucked up? This isn't about for better or worse. For better or worse is like when someone dies or a job is lost or there's a sick child— not fucking over they spouse and breaking every promise he made to her in front of God and a 100 or so of their closest friends and family.
ps: and WHAT is the cheating type? this is making me angry now.
The cheating type is actually quite often the type who isn't the "cheating type."
the really "nice" people. Thank heavens I'm such a bitch! 😉
oh that reminds me… hilarious vid someone sent me years ago.
That was perfect. 'scuse me now, I have to go clean the spewed juice off my screen….
"The cheating type is actually quite often the type who isn't the 'cheating type.'"
They come in all flavors, don't they? There are the "nice" cheaters who seem to be model spouses yet live a double life, there are the narc-cheaters who are abominable to live with, there are the repentant cheaters who are trying to get better, but don't….The list goes on.
What is the cheating type? Anyone. Who. Cheats. !! There ya go.
That was HILARIOUS!!!!
Thanks. I needed that!
Nena says
A-freaking-men. If more of us would stand up and/or leave these types, it would make life so much better.
denver girl says
I so totally agree! the problem was until I became astute, thanks to all you wonderful people, I wasn't sure how to recognize them. Now I feel empowered. Not only do I see it coming from a mile off, I know what to do about it!
Additionally, I didn't have the 'tools' to recognize how common this behavior was. I was beating myself up for not seeing it before. They are quite good, until you get the 'cheaters handbook'. That's what I think of this site. You have educated me so much.
I no longer feel unprepared to deal with this type of personality.
Also, I felt bad about myself, why couldn't I see this coming? Now I see so may people with the same issue. I'm working on becoming resistant to this 'gaslighting'.
Thanks goodness
CL, I had not heard the statistic that bullies have great self-esteem but it makes perfect sense. I am with ya on the being 'more patient' and 'more loving' because they are fighting a battle inside.
My ass.
I truly don't think my ex cared what he did as long as it was good for HIM. And all this psycho-babble about him being 'confused' and 'hurt' is just that: BABBLE.
I remember being the dorky 7 yr-old kid walking home from school with the other dorky girl named Janice…and then bullies surrounded us and called her a lesbian (at the time I had no idea what that word even meant)…and I stood up for her and said "No she's not!" then I had to turn to Janice and ask her if she was or not to which she replied No,…..I don't think so. Geez we were naive. Anyhow, after that I told them to F-off…which was apparently the ONLY thing another neighbor kid walking on the other side of the street heard because she told my mom and then I got in trouble. Anyhow….I am not sorry I told those rotten kids to F OFF and I was glad I stood up for my classmate. I really wish I would have been that passionate about my own situation when I coddled my ex believing he was freaking out and that he did not know what he was doing. Geez, the crap I told myself at the time.
Glad my counselor told it to me like it was: He was an asshole. plain and simple.
Oh god, I so did this about my ex, for so long! Primarily FOO issues, and once things got really obviously bad and he apparently didn't 'get it', maybe a bit Aspergery? But he had a good heart, underneath, I was sure! He did care about me, and his kids, and his mom ….
And when it became clear that, no, actually, he didn't have a good heart, underneath, then I told myself, well, probably quite Aspergery, and they're very rule-bound, right? So at least an honest person, he does what he says he will, I can trust him for that.
HAH! What an idiot I was. Spent so much time and energy trying to get him to UNDERSTAND. Trying to help him see how much better everything was for all of us, including him, when he made an effort to be less negative and critical. When he made an effort to be NICE to us (never actually managed nice, but got closer at least!).
And the reward for all that effort? Repeat cheating, and since the separation neglecting the kids big time (and his mom, let's not forget her), and now I'm having to fight w/him because he's not living up to the financial agreement …
Trying to teach my kids that it doesn't MATTER why people treat you badly; if they do it more often than is reasonable, if explaining your position doesn't bring about significant and immediate and lasting change, you just have to get them out of your life.
Amen and pass the plate 🙂
stuckinjax says
I did exactly the same thing! Don was angry that I snooped into his things and found a plane ticket with the OW's name on it in his pocket and a receipt for a nice dinner for two after I became suspicious about a work trip. He of course lied his way out of it (I am a Chump Queen) and then was very angry about my snooping. I then excused his reaction to myself (and further anger down the road) as due to his mother never giving him any privacy, his terrible childhood (FOO issues galore), blah blah blah. In fact he was just a magnificent liar and manipulator. And my counselor said the same thing, only a little more colorfully: what a fucking asshole.
Exactly. And the abuser/bully/cheater is already so good at casting themselves as a victim, you don't need to help them with your FOO or Aspberger theories, KWIM?
ANR says
I KWYM. I spent so much energy into excusing my wife's bad behaviour I missed the larger point that she's already excused herself. She feels justified in taking out her anger on a seven year old and giving the time, affection and money that belongs to her family and giving it to some married rat. If she wanted to explore what made her behave like this with a view to correcting it, I'd be a willing, gentle and understanding helper for her. But she doesn't.
ANR, wow you hit the nail on the head with "I missed the larger point that she's already excused herself." Simple, brilliant and perfectly stated! I like that line alot.
Thx! Feel free to use it in the cause of justice
"I missed the larger point that she's already excused herself."
I agree, brilliant….
What does KWYM or KWIM mean?
know what i mean/know what you mean
That's right! It doesn't matter at all why they treat you shitty for DECADES, step away from that skein! All that matters is that you objected to it, and they didn't care enough about you to stop.
My bully X found what he was looking for, me, the perfect hostage. A too-trusting young woman who made excuses for his weird behavior, and overlooked so many other women he was way too interested in over all those years. I am happy my family finally got through to me to start the divorce I'd been waffling over for 4 years. I still thought he'd change someday – sometimes he was so nice!
Love shouldn't be exhausting.
"step away from that skein"
-awesome!
Yep, watch out or your fingers will get all tangelled in there and you'll be stuck forever!
OMG CL!!! My picture could have been included with this post. This post is so spot on. It reads like a biography of my entire marriage. Even when part of my mind was still clear enough to know that I was not being honored, valued or treated well, I explained it away with my STBX's FOO issues and how if I just loved him ENOUGH, he would come around and be the man I knew he was underneath all of that assholery – correction – fucktardedness.
I was as delusional as a mental patient in an old black and white movie. Early on my STBX extended the invitation to the pity party, and I accepted. Such a poor child he had been! He was emotionally abandoned by his mother, physically abandoned by his father and mistreated by his closest siblings. I ooohed and aaahed and boo-fucking-hooed and vowed to never let him down like those misguided people had done. Let's just ignore the fact that I had my own issues as a child that did NOT turn me into a lying, cheating, sense of entitlement-having, character-deficient, personality-disordered spawn of satan's hound of hell. I'm not saying I was some blameless, saintly individual, but I not gone out of my way to deliberately misuse, mistreat, lie to, betray or just generally hurt the people I love and care about.
When he routinely gave me the silent treatment? I must have done something to hurt his feelings that reminded of some hurt from his childhood. Gaslight me? That wasn't intentional – he just re-wrote things, like his mother. (Did I mention that Gaslight is one of my favorite movies and I introduced him to it? Hmmm – STBX doesn't even look like Charles Boyer.) When he refused to do anything I wanted to do? He had a right to his individuality – I didn't want to smother him (now I do – with the biggest pillow or largest plastic bag I can find). He suggested things he was interested in doing, then when I arranged for us to do those things, he complained, pouted and refused to enjoy it and by extension, ruined me being able to enjoy it? I would just try harder the next time to get it right. Cheat on me and rub my face in it? There was obviously something really wrong with me – just like he said. He was never shown real love so he had difficulty being vulnerable and showing me love and really understanding how much I loved him. And these things were just some of the things I endured during my marriage.
Chump? I put the UMP in Chump. To paraphrase Malcolm X, "I been had, hoodwinked, bamboozled, led astray, run amok!" I worry about how all of this will ultimately affect my children in their relationships – although they've been telling me for a few years to leave the lying spawn of satan's hound of hell. I've suggested that they all get therapy, and a couple of them were already doing it. They are far wiser than me.
Thank you for putting this whole idea in a post, CL. Whenever I doubt that I'm doing the right thing, I can pull this up and re-read it. Thank you so much!!
mommyofalltradesgtails says
Oh my goodness…you described my relationship to a tee! how crazily familiar all of this is!
I was teased mercilessly during my junior year by a guy I knew in high school. That's exactly what people said to me: "Oh, it's probably because he LIKES you."
I never, EVER got that vibe. I thought he was just an attention-seeking tool; any high school boy in his right mind with a crush on a girl would be sweet and kind, not malicious and awful. It wasn't until I decided to stop giving him the response he wanted (discomfort, avoidance, attempts to ignore him) that he finally left me alone. I remember being so upset during the first few days of senior year because he was starting in again. But then, it was like a switch flipped– I can't remember what happened to make me change my behavior other than being tired of his relentless campaign. One morning, I went to homeroom, which he was also in, and when he started, I looked at him squarely in the eye and said, "Dave, SHUT UP." I then went back to whatever I was doing and pretended that he didn't matter. He never bothered me again.
The jerk in high school had a HORRIBLE mother who micromanaged her kids' lives and bullied everyone in her path, but so what? That didn't give him any right to treat me like garbage. I think that's the way to deal with cheaters. They certainly don't like you and shouldn't be allowed to hide behind past issues. I think it's best to give them a version of SHUT UP– show them that you're not going to take any more crap from them. Then, go on with your life as though they don't matter, which takes their power away from them.
And the bully in question tried to friend me on Facebook not long ago. I imagine that follows the same logic as the cheaters who think that we'll still be friends with them. I think not. Ignore!
What does FOO mean?
Family of origen
river says
sorry, didn't see PattyToo above when I posted!
I teach my kids that teasing, tickling, joking around are only 'fun' while EVERYBODY is enjoying it. If only the teaser, tickler, joker is having fun, and the other person is uncomfortable or hates what's happening, then it's called AGGRESSION, and it has to stop.
I loved it when my kids were in pre-school and learned to frequently use that handy phrase; 'stop it, I don't like that'. And if the person won't stop, you walk away or ask for someone to help. That can apply in SO many situations in life!
mommyofalltradesPigtails says
Yes! It is so very important to teach our kids about boundaries this way.
Regina says
Great post! So true!
I tried to untangle the skein of fuckeupness (before I discovered this sight) until I myself became horribly ensnared. I tried to make up reasons why this was happening. I knew he was an asshole………If I could just get to the bottom of WHY he would do this to me!! (he could have just left me) I had 23 years invested, and I think it is very hard to admit you have been chumped for that long! When I looked back, I knew that the bad treatment was escalating along the way, but didn't want to face the wasted years trying to make this thing work. Kind of like an alcoholic, the longer you have been asleep at the wheel, the harder it is to come to terms with. It does screw with your head too when most info touts reconciliation
LJ says
This is the most honest assessment of people and their behavior I have ever read. As you stated from your experience with your cousin – it really messes with your mind when you are told something different than what you know you feel. I have seen and experienced this many times in many forms. I have learned through yoga to listen more to my intuition but it is not an easy process because as you say you are supposed to forgive, give second, third chances which continue to negatively impact your psyche. It is only after getting away and the passage of time that you can clearly see how right your intuition can be in sensing when other peoples' motives are purely about destruction.
Read "Gift of Fear" and you will never discount your own intuition again. That is hands down the best book I ever read for help with getting the "you" back in you or is that the "me" back in me? same thing.
CL,
Chump Son finds this one spot-on (like so many of your posts).
As the son of a rage-aholic father and an excuse-making mother, Chump Son (CS) was taught always to feel sorry for his father. Dad yelled at him (CS) all night over something minor? Why, Mom would say:"He doesn't mean it. He really cares. Why, he's had such a tough life, etc." So, the dynamic was: Dad acts badly toward Chump Son (or others). Family trained response: Feel sorry for Dad because he has to work/he had it rough in life/he doesn't like his job/he really does care, etc. etc.
Please tangle yourself in the skein of his fuckedupedness and, above all, do NOT recognize the obvious.
This is moral alchemy. Or, better said, immoral alchemy. We suffer abuse (as Chumps), but then we get taught to feel sorry for the abuser.
Very often, in a family where the father is "off" in some way, Mom becomes the excuse-maker, the excuse-generator, the head of the clean-up crew. Where Dad should really be the one apologizing, instead he has Mom making up all kinds of reasons to explain his behavior. Children and adults can internalize this mechanism, and then years later when they get mistreated, when they get burned, instead of pulling their hand away from the fire (the disordered person), they wonder where they (as Chumps) went wrong or they invest energy in feeling sorry for their oppressor. Narcissists learn to play on this. They can be good at appealing for pity right after committing some emotional/verbal barbarity.
Woe to the Chump Mom who does this to her kids!
Now, I know that all of the above can be gender-reversed (with a disordered Mom and an excuse-making, co-dependent Dad), but Chump Son just writes from what he's observed.
Chumps are not in a position to fix abusers. Heck, we are Chumps! We are way too nice for that. It might be possible for abusers/the disordered/folks like the Bully Cousin Mike that you mentioned to change. They just won't do it for us or around us. Possibly, if we tell them to take a hike (and mean it and stick to it), a bully type might hit bottom, find a different person and change. But that won't happen for us. And, frankly, we should not care/that's not our job. We need to protect ourselves and our offspring by learning that, in some relationships, as the old Kenny Rogers song goes, sometimes…
"Ya gotta know when to hold 'em,
When to fold 'em."
There is no shame in folding up your tent and walking away from an abusive relationship. Don't become a co-dependent, excuse-maker. Bad for you. Bad for the kids.
Chump Son
Well said, CS! The dynamic of verbal abuser and excuse maker is, I think, a very common one. So in addition to being confused as to why you were singled out for this awful behavior, the attention CANNOT rest on you — it must always be turned back to the narcissist.
They suffer more. It's never about you.
I concur. My dad ran off with OW when I was 8. I had 3 bad years of icky visitations before I said no more. Each time I would get mad at something my father had done she would say "he's your father and he loves you". She believed that telling me that would be better than insulting him along with me because I was half of him…it wasnt until I tunprned 18 and he did something again that pissed me off and she went to say " he's you father…and then she cut her self off and said " fuck it, your 18 now, you can know the truth, he is an asshole!" Too bad for me that the stuff she said in the early years stuck more.
TennisHack625 says
This sounds so much like my childhood. My mother would always defend my fathers drinking with…he likes his beer. If you defend an alcoholic you are an alcoholic. In other words, if you defend the problem you carry the same sickness. My father passed away over 10 years ago. My mother at age 84 still says he just liked his beer. My father would drink a six pack of beer and a fifth of wiskey every day my of my entire life.
I decided when I figured out that my STBXW was doing drugs and guys that I would not repeat the enabling Freudian slip. You can't divorce your father but, you can divorce your spouse. I lived an entire childhood with an addict. I will not spend the rest of my life with an addict and abuser!
I agree, CL. I am skeptical that most bullies manage to reform themselves in adulthood. In the case of my ex, he simply found a more socially acceptable means of channeling that energy–he became an attorney. Though he appeared to be a "nice guy" around his friends and colleagues, he had no difficulty unleashing that domineering energy on his wife and kids, behind closed doors. His sense of entitlement survived unimpaired. Evidence of this? His cheating, of course.
Your allusion to slavery is apt. I felt myself a slave under ex's roof…he expected total obedience, then when he finally got it, he declared the relationship "boring" and found other ways to entertain himself. Once I found about about his affair, I managed to see through all the fog and obfuscation and realize that I had willing given away my freedom. Interesting things happen to people who suddenly realized they are oppressed, and decide to take back their freedom. That's how revolutions happen…
If I'm not mistaken, Lundy Bancroft (in his book How Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men) points out that the "excuses" controlling men give for their behavior (such as "I had a bad childhood" or "I was abused") amounts to little more than an excuse. Think about it, lots of people are abused as kids and don't inflict the same thing on others when they are forming their own relationships. I fell into that trap with my ex–felt sorry for him because he witnessed his grandfather beating his grandmother. What did that do for me? Why yes, it made me a chump willing to accept ex's "dysfunctional" behavior. A reason for a bad behavior doesn't excuse it.
Blue Eyes and Bruises says
Ye old, the adulterer really does love you. They just have a funny way of showing it….
Naturally, when someone fucks with your sanity, its because they suffer from low self-esteem; its because they feel deep seated shame and a lack of worth.
Chumpaholic says
In the past I've read so much that said Narcissism is the mask on top of a deep deep shame. I think this has been the conventional wisdom on the disorder for decades. So it's interesting that more recent research disagrees.
It is easy, desirable even, to accept the conventional wisdom because when you come from the empathetic perspective, you WANT the shame to be the reason. Shame and low self esteem we (the empathetic) can understand, relate to, EMPATHIZE with. And isn't that what we're all doing in our attempts to understand the Narc? Figure it out, make it something we can understand, maybe even control and fix, but at the very least understand.
What's also very interesting in that research summary article is the consistent finding that those who are victims consistently display low self esteem…which is a strong message for us Chumps to remember – they target us because they NEED us, they need the people who can't value themselves enough to prevent the abuse from occurring. Let's work on truly feeling our own value, that seems to be the key piece here, the only way we'll truly achieve separation from the abusive Narc.
Well said, Chumpaholic! When I met my wife I was amazed and grateful she'd have someone like me. For her, I guess that was half the attraction.
That's why I like the works of Dr. George Simon so much — and Lundy Bancroft (came to him more recently) — but Simon in particular decodes the manipulative bullshit — no what you see is what you get. They really DO think they are better than you. They really ARE that entitled. He says the whole "shame" thing comes from an old school of psychotherapy that goes back to the Victorians that believes that everyone suffers from neurosis. That there are these subcontexts — like "shame" under narcissism. Where, in fact, actually neurosis is much less common and not so bad. Chumps are more likely to be neurotic — anxious, people pleasing, somewhat insecure. He said neurotics tend to try harder, be more self reflective. Narcissists don't have ENOUGH neurosis. Sociopaths have no "adaptive anxiety" whatsoever.
And now brain science is backing this up. Narcissists have less gray matter in the regions of the brain where empathy is supposed to be.
I wonder if saying Narcissists really have "deep shame" isn't just projection? We *wish* they felt shame.
Very interesting. I'm going to find more to read from those two you mention, thanks. I also once read that a Narcissist is created when a parent alternates between placing the child on a pedestal and then being deeply critical. I imagined that as a parent switching between saying "you're a prince among men" and "you're doing it all wrong". Or, "being a prince among men is the only thing that is acceptable for you, but you're not doing the things I want you to so that you can ascend to that throne". That does seem like a pretty destructive way to raise a child. Now I'm questioning that long held picture in my head…
One life changing book for me has been Dr. Wendy Behary's Disarming the Narcissist. Have you read that one?
The longer I read here and the more I read our fellow chumps stories. It always seems to come back to the subject of the cheater being a Narcissistic Asshole. Now granted I believe ALL cheaters indeed do have some level of narcissism. But I would like to hear and read more about those that feel their cheating spouse is BPD. Maybe there is a fine line between the two. IDK?? I guess that is why I would like to hear/read more on that.
GreenGirl says
If this is how someone liked me I'd beg them to hate me. What is that saying? With friends like these who need enemies?
Nat1 says
It's funny that you write this because I have actually been wondering the impact of telling my daughters to accept their father's behaviour, that despite how they feel, he still loves them. With friends like that who needs enemies???
Nat1, my kids are 12 and 13, and I've been trying to strike a balance between encouraging a good relationship w/their father, and helping them to live in the reality of who their father is. After we separated I completely stopped justifying or excusing his behaviour in any way, and have only a couple of times, when it seemed the kids really needed it, done the usual 'coaching' on better parenting that got him through the previous 13 years,
Our daughter figured out about the cheating recently (about a year after separation), and we've talked more openly since then.
What I've settled on getting across to them, for now, is that while their father does love them in his way, he has some severe limitations. And while they should enjoy the good moments they have with him, they should perhaps not expect a lot, as far as consistently being there for them, or making them a priority in his life. They've understood without my saying anything that he always comes first in his decision making, then his work. Sigh.
I felt the same way, when I found out about the cheating. I've never had an enemy treat me so badly (not just the cheating, but all the emotional fuckedupness that surrounded it his everyday behavior).
At some point I began to recognize a pattern (this was before the cheating, even) that my STBX wasn't there for me when I needed him. When I was sick? He was annoyed and pissy that I wasn't taking care of him. When I had a challenege at work, or elsewhere? He was pissed and didn't want to actually help. Oh, yes, he talked a great talk about how if I had a crisis at work, he would watch the kids while I got some work done. But when it actually happened? He was angry and emotionally abusive. Looking back, every time I needed help during our marriage, it was actually WORSE that he was there. I would have dealt with the challenges better by myself. That's says a lot.
"How ridiculous would it be if I tried to explain Saddam Hussein by saying he suffered from low self esteem?"
It's funny you mention this because back during 9-11, there was a popular urban-myth going around explaining how Osama Bin Laden had been laughed at by a mean American woman (she apparently thought his dick was too small), and how it traumatized him and made him hate all Americans.
Urban-myth, no doubt, but it sure was a popular belief. It's as if we all needed some "reason" as to why Osama/anyone would do something so horrific. Because to have no reason at all is just unfathomable. Anyone else hear this urban myth and thought it was weird?
LMFAO, when my PI saw my ex he said to me "what the hell does any woman see in him? he looks like Saddam Hussein crawling out of his hole". I try to think of my ex as Saddam now…he was right, he's really changed appearance from when I met him. Back then he looked like someone who stepped out of Playgirl or a Muscle magazine and when you love someone you tend to see them through a filter both inside and outside.
Oh hahahaha DDW, that is hilarious. I will picture Saddam crawling out of the spider hole whenever I think of my ex too!
Dat,
NO KIDDING! My divorce lawyer told me the same thing about my ex…he asked why my ex thought that growing a beard and mustache was a good look for him!
And most recently my fiance mentioned the same thing. LOL!
My ex now wears fedoras, white seer-sucker suits…he must think he is living the movie 'the Godfather' or something…
Oh. My. God… Valentine, I SOOOOO wish my ex would do that (beard, fedora's and white seersucker suits….not necessarily in that order).
Anyhow, then I would know that karma had finally really bitten him in the ass, I had achieved ultimate revenge, and I could stop dreaming that he would die in a fiery crash (actually I'm exaggerating, I believe I reached a level of Meh one Tuesday about a month ago). Only problem if I were you is that I might laugh until I had a hernia or something. Wouldn't want to hurt myself.
Kelly, I tend to think of him UNABLE to crawl out of his hole 🙂
Valentine, that reminds me of the Fedoras of okcupid on tumbler, all the "nice guys"…pretty funny and sad all at the same time. You know like I'm a nice guy and then the guys bio is racist or extremely sexist or even scary and all wearing Fedoras
DDW, no kidding…I would say my ex is sexist…idiots. Guess the fedora is a clue-in. They think they are making a statement like: Hey, I am cool AND hip!
They really do live in in their own little worlds, huh? So glad I don't live there.
Cool and hip, and NO ONE will guess that you`ve got the fedora on to hide your bald spot!!!!
LiningUpDucks says
Wow, that is weird…..my STBX is into fedoras, too….he does have some Italian in him, so I give him an excuse….but still.
Started to hate the fedoras because he especially wore them when trolling the bars for women to flirt with (or more). Yuck.
Fedoras are known as "douche lids" among the single women I know.
Rally Squirrel says
That is so weird. My cheating ex is also way into fedoras. He has about 30 different ones, and he wears one all the freaking time. It's his signature. Douche lid, eh? If the chapeau fits…
Just further proof that there's not an original idea in the bunch.
Anybody else's cheater way into bobble-head collections?
WOW…had no idea that it was a big thing…I mean, I see people wearing them as a kinda fashion statement but my ex is into them BIG TIME. Like expensive ones…not the kind you get at Charming Charlie or Target or something…
Plus my ex really does NOT have a lot of facial hair…so he kinda looks like a teenager with spots of hair on his face but nothing really manly. WTF?
ANR: Haha "Douche Lids"…LOVE THAT!!!!!
yeah, I try not to laugh myself into a hernia either…it is really tough though!
Apparently my ex thinks he is the Latino version of Michael Corleone. Insert vomiting emoticon here.
My STBX decided a year ago that he needed to grow a soul patch. It's now a goatee. He's pretty proud of it. He also took a Harley course. I don't begrudge anyone taking the Harley course–if you're going to ride motorcycles, it's the one to take. I don't begrudge people the choice for facial hair.
But STBX looked really bad in his facial hair. He's 52. He has his hair. The hair on his head is dark brown. The facial hair? Absolutely gray. It makes him look 10 years older, not younger, yet he seems to think that it makes him look like the young, leather-jacketed rebel on the back of a motorcycle.
My mother asked if he still had his goatee. I said yes. She said that it made him look like an old man, and that she couldn't stand looking at him with it. I don't really look at his face either. Not anymore.
Wow, Andy also did the soul patch, goatee route while trolling the internet for girlfriends.
Weird that so many guys changed how they keep their facial hair and started cheating around the same time.
jud says
If you lived in the Dakota's I would have thought you were talking about my cousin named Mike.This is almost freaky! You just described him to a tee! Yikes I remember the part about getting tied to a tree,then beatin' senseless.Such an act of cowardice! I was only a little kid and was easily overpowered by him.
Now that we're all growed up I guess the problem is mine because the past doesn't exist except in your mind.I still have a hidden fear of Mike especially around water because of the time he held my head underwater for what seemed like forever! The possibility of drowning was real.Yes good times indeed! Sarcasstic but real.
I LOVE THIS!! My 5 year old son is very sweet and kind and pretty sensitive. He had a friend in school last year who he called his "best friend". He started telling me this boy punched him in the face and pinched him after my son tried to cheer him up after some altercation with another child. My son was so hurt and upset and asked me why he did it because he was his best friend. I, being his mother said, "because he isn't your friend. If he were your friend then he would never hurt you like that. He'd never punch you or call you names". Great advice I thought. Then recently I realized, "wait a minute. Children learn by example. You can say what you want to them but actions speak louder than words." Here I'm telling a 5 year old if someones your friend they won't hurt you and yet he was seeing my so called best friend treat me like shit and I constantly took it no matter how sad it made me. Anytime I start to doubt my decision because of my broken family I remind myself that little eyes are watching. Broken families hurt, but are families nonetheless. Mom loves you. Dad loves you. Mom and dad can get along better apart and you will see healthier examples of how you are going to be treated according to your behavior. It's so simple to say, hard to do, but so completely worth it. I had this child to love and cherish and to raise into a healthy and happy adult. I can't jeopardize that because unfortunately the father is a narcissist. My son deserves better examples and it will start here with me!

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


how much for additional power?
how much for additional IPs(with and without DDos protection), because we don't have AS number and we have no IPs.
do we need send you own switch? and do we need setup servers before send you our servers(like IPMI configration , and private IPs and others)?
All our facilities utilize A+B distribution when it comes to power for the cabinets and also makes sure all power sources go through UPS which is backed by diesel generators. This ensures 100% uptime when it comes to power.
If you are looking for good connectivity to China with low latency, you can choose from one of our Data Centers located in Asia.
If you don't have your own IPs, no problem. You can buy a set of IP ranges from us as per your requirement. With every IP range, we offer free 2Gbps DDoS protection. You can upgrade your DDoS protection to 10Gbps, 40Gbps, 100Gbps, up to 500Gbps at an additional cost.
We also offer various hardware and networking equipment from some of the top brands. You can choose to buy a new, refurbished or used switch at a very reasonable price. Just let us know your requirement and we shall help you. Also, we offer remote hands service which can help you set up, configure your server IPMI, Private IPs, and other requirements.
Is Psychz blocked in China?


On a beautiful location on the edge of the new city center you will find this spacious furnished apartment with 2 bedrooms.
From the large balcony you overlook the beach and water. The apartment is located on the second floor of "Het Boulevardcomplex". In addition, the apartment offers you a private parking space in the closed parking garage, separate storage rooms and several lifts.
Major maintenance is currently being carried out on the complex. The window frames for this apartment have also been replaced by plastic double glazing and swing / tilt windows.
In the nearby area there are shops, schools, public transport and much more.
Spacious and neat finished entrance hall with access to the storeroom and the parking garage. There are 2 lifts.
Entrance. Spacious hall with wardrobe, toilet and meter cupboard. The spacious and bright living room gives you access to the large balcony.
The half open kitchen is equipped with a light kitchen and offers you access to a very large storage room / utility room. Furthermore, this apartment has two bedrooms of various sizes and a bright bathroom with bath, sink and washing machine connection. There is also a storage cupboard in the hall.
Sign up for our housing e-mail / recent offers!


A quarter of the installed cable base in Europe still remains analogue over 10 years after the Netherlands became the first country to switch off analogue terrestrial TV. However, the European cable industry continues to grow steadily, with total revenues up 2.4% year on year, reaching €23.43 billion in 2017, according to IHS statistics.
The new figures were released today by the industry's trade association, Cable Europe, at the annual Cable Congress in Dublin.
The European cable industry has shown consistent growth over the past decade (2007-2017), despite a revolution in the way that TV, internet and telephone services are consumed. Television continues to be the largest source of revenue for the industry, but broadband is driving the biggest growth increase by far (+5% in 2017). Year on year, the number of broadband subscribers rose by 4.6% (or 1.6 million subscribers). This strong growth over a number of years is enabling the industry to reduce its reliance on TV, with the success of DOCSIS 3.0 helping fuel the rise in internet subscriptions and boost overall revenues once again.
Pay TV revenue increased by 2.1% (or €220 million) in 2017, boosted by an 8% growth in digital TV revenue and an 18.5% growth in VOD revenue, as the analogue switchover continued to gather pace during the year, but digital represents 80% of total cable revenue (or 83.8% including VOD).
Cable continues to be the leading primary mode of TV reception for European households. 2.4 million Revenue Generating Units (RGUs), the industry metric for the total sum of TV, internet and telephony subscriptions, were added in 2017, increasing the total number to 121.4 million.


CONCEPT: Japan: The future. Welcome to a new age of corporate feudalism. The worlds of business, organized crime and politics now exist in a delicate interdependence. Enter the Noh, a government agency that secretly polices that balance of worlds. Kabuki, an operative of the Noh, becomes deeply affected by the death of her mother and can only relate to the world through the security of a mask. She embarks on a path of action to come to terms with her family, history, culture, and her mother's death even if her personal crusade brings her in direct conflict with the powers she serves. A mix of historical mythology, political intrigue, corporate espionage, and familial duty, elegantly told through the haunting lens of a child's fairy tale.
An all-new start for Kabuki and the perfect jumping-on point for new readers! After escaping the institution for defective government agents, Kabuki follows Akemi's directions to meet someone who can give her a new identity and a plane ticket out of Japan to evade the Noh and start a new life. But just who is this mysterious new character? Join the award-winning writer and artist of Daredevil: Parts of a Hole, Daredevil: Wake Up, and Daredevil: Echo as he marks the 10th anniversary of Kabuki! As a bonus, this issue features extras with early Kabuki art by Brian Michael Bendis! You've heard about all the awards… You've heard everyone talking about why Kabuki is so amazing and mind-blowing… Now is the chance to see what all the talk is about!


text:
Doris Kenyon (5 de setembre de 1897 – 1 de setembre de 1979) fou una actriu cinematogràfica i televisiva nord-americana.

Inicis
Nascuda i criada a Syracuse (Nova York), el seu pare era el Dr. James B. Kenyon, un ministre de l'Església Metodista Episcopal. Kenyon va estudiar en el Packer College Institute i posteriorment a la Universitat de Colúmbia.

A més cantava en els cors de les esglésies presbiteriana Grace i metodista Bushwick de Brooklyn. La seva veu va cridar l'atenció dels caça-talents teatrals de Broadway, que la van convèncer per actuar al teatre. La seva primera actuació va tenir lloc a l'opereta de Victor Herbert The Princess Pat.

Carrera cinematogràfica

L'any 1915 va fer el seu primer film, The Rack, per la World Film Company de Fort Lee, Nova Jersey. Una de les pel·lícules més recordades de la seva carrera inicial va ser Monsieur Beaucaire (1924), en la qual va treballar al costat del famós Rodolfo Valentino.

L'any 1928 va actuar a la primera pel·lícula de Paramount Pictures totalment parlada, Interference.

Kenyon va actuar amb l'actor George Arliss en dos films, Alexander Hamilton (1931) i Voltaire (1933). A més, en 1933 va intervenir a Counsellor at Law, amb John Barrymore.

A més de la seva activitat cinematogràfica, a la tardor de 1935 Kenyon va interpretar al costat de Ramón Novarro l'obra teatral A Royal Miscarriage, representada a Londres, Anglaterra.

Després de seixanta pel·lícules, la carrera cinematogràfica de Kenyon va finalitzar en 1939 fent un cameo a The Man in the Iron Mask.

Televisió
Kenyon va prosseguir la seva carrera com a actriu treballant a televisió a la dècada de 1950, intervenint en episodis de The Secret Storm (1954), Schlitz Playhouse of Stars, All Our Yesterdays (1958), i 77 Sunset Strip.

A més d'aquestes activitats, en deixar el cinema també va tornar a cantar, una ocupació que ja havia seguit en la seva joventut. Finalment va deixar el món de l'espectacle, anant a viure semi-retirada a Beverly Hills, Califòrnia.

Vida personal
Kenyon es va casar diverses vegades. El seu primer marit va ser l'actor Milton Sills, amb el qual es va casar l'any 1926, i del que va enviduar en 1930. Van tenir un fill anomenat Kenyon. Després, a l'any 1933, es va casar amb un ric agent immobiliari, Arthur Hopkins, del qual es va divorciar a l'any següent al·legant incompatibilitat. El 1938 Kenyon de va casar amb Albert D. Lasker, propietari de Lord & Thomas, una pròspera agència de publicitat, i del que es va divorciar el 1939. El seu últim marit va ser Bronislaw Mlynarski, fill d'un compositor polonès i cunyat d'Arthur Rubinstein.

Doris Kenyon va morir l'any 1979 en Beverly Hills a causa d'una aturada cardíaca, quatre dies abans de complir els 82 anys. Va ser enterrada en el Cementiri Forest Lawn Memorial Park de Glendale (Califòrnia).

Filmografia

Cinema mut
 The Rack (1915)
 The Pawn of Fate (1916)
 The Feast of Life (1916)
 The Man Who Stood Still (1916)
 The Ocean Waif (1916 curt)
 The Traveling Salesman (1916)
 The Man Who Forgot (1917)
 A Girl's Folly (1917)
 The Empress (1917)
 Jimmy Dale Alias the Grey Seal (1917 serial) (perduda) no acreditada
 On Trial (1917)
 The Great White Trail (1917)
 Strictly Business (1917 curt)
 The Hidden Hand (1917 serial) (perduda)
 The Street of Seven Stars (1918)
 The Inn of the Blue Moon (1918)
 Wild Honey (1918, William L. Sherry/Film Clearing House)
 Twilight (1919, William L. Sherry/Film Clearing House)
 The Bandbox (1919, W.W. Hodkinson/Pathe Exchange)
 The Harvest Moon (1920, W.W. Hodkinson/Pathe Exchange)
 The Conquest of Canaan (1921)
 Get-Rich-Quick Wallingford (1921)
 Shadows of the Sea (1922, Selznick Pictures)
 The Ruling Passion (1922, United Artists)
 Sure Fire Flint (1922, Mastodon Films)
 The Last Moment (1923, Goldwyn Pictures)
 You Are Guilty (1923, Mastodon Films)
 Bright Lights of Broadway (1923, Principal Distributing)
 Restless Wives (1924, CC Burr)
 The Love Bandit (1924, Vitagraph Studios)
 Lend Me Your Husband (1924, CC Burr)
 Monsieur Beaucaire (1924)
 Born Rich (1924, First National)
 Idle Tongues (1924, Ince/First National)
 If I Marry Again (1925, First National)
 A Thief in Paradise (1925, First National) (perduda)
 I Want My Man (1925, First National) (Trailer only; Library of Congress)
 The Half-Way Girl (1925, First National) (perduda)
 The Unguarded Hour (1925, First National) (perduda)
 Men of Steel (1926, First National) (perduda)
 Mismates (1926, First National) (perduda)
 Ladies at Play (1926, First National) (perduda)
 The Blonde Saint (1926) (perduda)
 The Valley of the Giants (1927) (UCLA Film & TV)
 Burning Daylight (1928, First National) (Library of Congress)
 The Hawk's Nest (1928) (perduda)

Cinema sonor

 The Home Towners (1928, Warner Brothers) (perduda)
 Interference (1928)
 Beau Bandit (1930, RKO)
 The Bargain (1931, First National/Warner Bros.)
 Alexander Hamilton (1931)
 The Road to Singapore (1931)
 The Ruling Voice (1931, First National/Warner Bros.)
 Young America (1932)
 The Man Called Back (1932)
 Voltaire (1933)
 No Marriage Ties (1933, RKO)
 Counsellor at Law (1933)
 Whom the Gods Destroy (1934, Columbia)
 The Human Side (1934, Universal)
 Along Came Love (1936, Paramount)
 Girls' School (1938)
 The Man in the Iron Mask (1939, United Artists)

Referències
 «Doris Kenyon Sills Dies, Known On and Off Screen». «Doris Kenyon Sills Dies, Known On and Off Screen». Los Angeles Times, 10-09-1979. 10 de setembre de 1979.
 «Doris Kenyon and Hopkins To Be Married». Syracuse Herald, 15-04-1933.
 «Will Play In England». Syracuse Herald, 27-06-1935.

Enllaços externs

 Doris Kenyon a Virtual History

Actors de l'estat de Nova York
Actors de cinema de l'estat de Nova York
Actors de sèries de televisió de l'estat de Nova York
Persones de Syracuse (Nova York)
Alumnes de la Universitat de Colúmbia
Morts a Beverly Hills

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


Marie-Laure LeBlanc goes blind at age six, living with her father who works at a museum and dedicates his entire being to making sure his daughter is loved and well taken care of. They live in Paris during the German bombings, and are forced to flee their home and head to London, where her crazy, but tender great-uncle lives.
Werner Pfennig is a young boy living in an orphanage in Germany. His exceptional skills in engineering land him a place in one of the most prestigious schools in all of Germany. Werner knows that serving the Germans without believing in their cause is wrong, but he is expected to follow the rules and fulfill his duties. In his final call to action, Werner must decide to obey his military instructions, or follow his heart.
This novel is beautifully woven, told in many different perspectives that eventually intertwine. I found Marie-Laure's storyline to be the most interesting, although I believe that Werner's character was also very well-developed. Doerr does an excellent job giving these two children deep characterization, giving the reader full understanding of their personalities.
This book tore me to pieces. Before reading All the Light We Cannot See, I haven't cried during a book since I read To Kill a Mockingbird 8 years ago. I had to take a mental rest from the heaviness of this novel every 75 pages or so. Still, I absolutely adored it.
The writing was beautiful, the characters were beautiful, the story was beautiful. I'm not usually a fan of historical fiction, but this definitely makes my list of Top Books I've Ever Read. No wonder this book has won so many awards. Congrats, Anthony Doerr, you've officially changed my life as a reader.


Leave your thoughts on your favorite reads from 2010!!
Thank you very much. I feel very honored. Congrats to all the other authors.
Thank you so much Urban Reviews. What an honor. Denise C.
A lot of my favorite authors are listed!
WOW!! My thanks Urban Reviews for nominating Watch Your Back for this prestigious honor!! I'm thrilled and very, very appreciative!!!
Congrats to all the authors listed, especially fellow Author and great friend, Pat Simmons for Still Guilty making the list!!
I'm so humbled. Thank you Urban Review for your support. Be blessed.
I feel so honored to be included and so very proud of ALL of the authors...You guys rock!
Thank you so much for the honor! And Radiah thank you and everyone at Urban Reviews for all the support you give us.
Congrats to the other authors as well!
Thank you so much Urban Reviews! It is such an honor! And congratulations to all of the wonderful authors who earned such great reviews!
Thank you Urban Reviews! I'm humbled and honored. Congratulations to all the great authors. My TBR pile just got a lot bigger!!
Thank you! What an honor. I really appreciate it and am feeling quite humbled to be among these awesome authors. Thanks again!
I'm floored to be included in such company! Thanks so much!


text:
Democratic Identification (1) Apply Democratic Identification filter
Water Funding Support (June 2013)
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state."
Strongly oppose 8%
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Measurement of Party ID for this figure is based on two questions. First, respondents were asked whether they consider themselves to be a Democrats, Republicans, independents, other, or not sure. Those who responded that they are independents or "other" were then asked if they lean toward either the Democrats or Republicans. If they indicated that they lean toward one party or the other, they are considered Democrats or Republicans for the purposes of this figure. Only "pure" independents or members of a third party who indicate that they have no preference for Democrats vis-a-vis Republicans are considered independents . Respondents who answered that they are "not sure" for either of the two aforementioned questions are not incorporated into this figure.
Strongly oppose 7% 7% 7%
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Party identification is calculated according to the PID7 variable, a seven point scale of party identification.
Somewhat oppose 11% 8% 14%
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Ideology is measured on a scale of 1-7, with 1 corresponding to "extremely liberal", 7 corresponding to "extremely conservative, and 4 corresponding to "in the middle." For the purposes of this table, respondents who placed themselves at or between points 1 and 3 on the scale are considered "liberal," respondents who placed themselves at point 4 on the scale are considered "moderate," and respondents who placed themselves at or between points 5 and 7 on the scale are considered "conservative".
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." The ideology measure is based on respondent self-placement in response to the following question: "On a scale from 1 to 7, where 1 is extremely liberal, 7 is extremely conservative, and 4 is exactly in the middle, where would you place yourself?" The placements are further classified such that 1 is extremely liberal, 2 is very liberal, 3 is somewhat liberal, 4 is moderate, 5 is somewhat conservative, 6 is very conservative, and 7 is extremely conservative.
Strongly oppose 6% 7% 13%
Somewhat oppose 9% 14% 6%
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Tea Party identification is based on the following question, also asked in the survey: "Suppose the Tea Party movement organized itself as a political party. When thinking about the next election for Congress, would you vote for the Republican candidate from your district, the Democratic candidate from your district, or the Tea Party candidate from your district?" Those who responded "Republican candidate" are considered Republicans (non-Tea Party movement) and those who responded "Tea Party candidate" are considered Tea Party Republicans.
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Race is calculated according to the RACE1 variable.
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Gender is calculated according to the GENDER variable.
Strongly oppose 7% 8%
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Location is based on the following question, " Would you say that you live in an urban, suburban, or community?"
Respondents were told, "Below are some proposals that the Texas Legislature has debated this session. Please tell us whether you would support or oppose each of the following proposals: Spending $2 billion from the states Rainy Day Fund (a fund containing more than $12 billion that the state has set aside for emergency uses) to help start water infrastructure projects around the state." Education is calculated according to the EDUC variable.
Somewhat oppose 17% 10% 14% 11% 11% 10%
Strongly oppose 5% 10% 7% 10% 5% 10%
Don't know 18% 16% 11% 11% 11% 8%