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SINCERELY LOUIS CK (2020)
Great comedy is finally back. Louis C.K. is now a comedian with nothing to lose, not afraid of liberal media bashing him or Twitter mob "canceling" him for his jokes. His jokes have gone even darker than before and he doesn't shy away from discussing what he's done. This a ruthless and glorious return and huge middle finger to all SJWs trying to make talented artists like him disappear.
Great comedy is finally back. Louis C.K. is now a comedian with nothing to lose, not afraid of liberal media bashing him or Twitter mob "canceling" him for his jokes. His jokes have gone even darker than before and he doesn't shy away from discussing what he's done. This a ruthless and glorious return and huge middle finger to all SJWs trying to make talented artists like him disappear.
Do yourself a big favor an buy the show, the best $7.99 you'll ever spend this year
Sincerely Louis CK
[Scattered chanting]
C.K.! C.K.!
[Whooping]
Louis! Louis!
[More join]
Louis! Louis! Louis! Louis! Louis! Louis! Louis! Louis! Louis!
[Chanting stops]
[Indistinct shouts]
[Shrill whistle]
[Scattered cheering and applause]
[Cheering and applause]
Thank you. Sit down, please. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thanks. Nice to, uh… All right. Nice to see you all. Thanks for coming. I've been thinking about you all day.
How are you? How — how was your last couple of years? [Laughter] How… How was 2018 and '19 for you guys? [Laughter] Anybody else getting global amounts of trouble, anybody else… [Laughs, groans] Fuck!
That was crazy… Man, I was in a lot of trou– Wait till they see those pictures of me in blackface. That's gonna to be… That's going to make it a lot worse. Because there is a lot of those, there's thousands of pictures of me in blackface. I can't stop doing it, I just… I like it, I like how it feels. [Laughter]
Fuck, man, that was… You know what? I learned a lot. I learned a lot — I learned how to eat alone in a restaurant with people giving me the finger from across the room. [Laughter]
When you get in trouble, you learn who your real friends are. It's true — people like saying that like that's a good thing. Who the fuck wants to know who their real friends are? You don't want to know that. Believe me, you don't want to know. It's never who you want it to be. It's not your cool friends and it's not your fun friends. It's your real friends. "I'm here for you." I fucking know that.
I have this friend, she's the best person I know, but I sometimes want to punch her in the face because she's so nice — because I'm not a good person. Like, I'll tell her something I'm having problems with, and she'll say, "I'm going to pray on that for you." [Groans] I have a feeling when she prays, God's like, "Ugh! Fuck! This one makes me want to get out of the business."
You guys think there's a God? How many — How many of you, by applause, believe there is a God. How many people? [Cheering and applause] All right. About 30 out of 1,400. That's nice. That's nice. That shit's over. It's just fucking over. You go into a church, it's like going to a roller skating rink on a Wednesday, it's like… "This used to be something! What happened?"
I don't know. I don't think there's a God. And that's not a conviction. I just don't suppose. I just — I just reckon there ain't. I reckon there ain't no lord. [Laughter] And because I don't believe there's a God, I fucking hope there's not a God. I fuckin' hope — Oh, please! If you don't believe in God, you better fucking hope — you better get on your knees and pray. Please, God, don't be. 'Cause that's a bad thing to be wrong about. That's a bad wrong. You're an atheist your whole life and you die and you're like, "Aw, fuck! Aw, you're shitting — with a beard and everything. Fuck! Aww… Hey, I — I dunno… Yeah, yeah, I'm going. Yep."
Being wrong the other way is not a big problem. If you believe in God and you're wrong, you don't really have a problem. It gives you a little comfort during your stupid life. And then at the end, you're just seriously disappointed for like a second — it's the last feeling you get to have. You die, you're like, "Nothing? Seriously? Nothing?" "Yeah, just get in the Dumpster. Sorry." [Laughter] "Sorry, you're just garbage now." If you don't believe in God, that's what you believe — that when you die, you're just garbage. You are your family's newest garbage.
My mom died last year and we asked her, like, "What do you want," like, before she died, we didn't — We didn't ask her at — "Ma! Ma! Fuck!" I asked my mom what we wanted — what she wanted to do with her body. And she said, "Just burn it." That's what she said: Burn it. What, in the yard with leaves? What the fuck? She didn't want a funeral, no pageantry, nothing. So she booked it herself. That was her last act as an American consumer. She went online with a credit card and she booked her own cremation. It's true — at a place called Boston Crematorium. Just this place that burns bums and dogs all day. They just folded my mom into the workload. We didn't even know, just this guy showed up. "I'm here for your ma." "All right, Sully, she's in there." And he went in there to prepare her. My sisters are waiting in the hall and he was in there for a while. [Laughter] I didn't say anything. I'm just… Saying he was in there with my mom for a long time. That's all I'm saying. And also that I was worried he was fucking my dead mother. [Laughter] Anyway, then he brought her out in a kind of a nice bag and… and he put her in a van. Just a — his van. It's like a '98 Ford Windstar with a bottle of red Gatorade rolling around in the back. It's the last time I saw my mom. [Laughter] That's what she wanted. [Laughter] She didn't believe in this God shit. Just didn't.
I was talking to my friend the other day about Jesus… uh, Christ, and, um… I don't remember why, but I happened to mention that Jesus was Jewish and my friend said, "He was?" And I said, Yeah. Jesus was Jewish. And he said, "I don't think so." And I said, that's okay, it already all happened. Doesn't matter where you think. But he'd argued with me. He was like, "Dude, Jesus couldn't be Jewish. Think about it." I'm like, "You fucking think about it, you idiot. What d– What was he then? You're… What, was he Presbyterian? What was he? Catholic? Okay, Jesus was Catholic and he had a gold chain with a cross. And when they nailed him up, he was like, "Oh, that's why we have those!" [Laughter] "That finally makes sense. I didn't even know. Oh, fuck, that's me! I'm the little guy on it!" [Laughter]
Every religion has a strange story or a rule that doesn't make sense to me. You know, like every time there's a terrorist act, they always tell you on the news about how they believe they're all going to heaven. And every guy who does a jihad thing and he gets 72 virgins, that's right. That's the story, always 72 virgins. Which, first of all, who are those women? Who are the 72 virgins? Does God have to kill 72 nice girls? "All right, ladies, uh, the good news is you're going to heaven. The weird news…" [Laughter] Or does God just make 'em fresh like farm raised salmon? He just whips up 72 women. "All right. Nobody fuck these. I'm saving them for that guy." It's a weird concept. You get your own 72 virgins for all eternity. First of all, they're only virgins when you first get them. Once you start fucking them, it's over. After a week, he's like, "I only have three left." "And 69 whores." That has to be one of the more confusing moments in God's life when he's handing off 72 virgins to some guy who just blew up a bus in Tel Aviv, and he's like, "All right. Uh… The fuck am I doing? I don't even know anymore. I need a drink."
I'm curious about God. I'm curious about his life. I'm curious about God's existence. What's that like to be God? You know, we don't know anything about him. I think one reason people don't believe in him, because we don't have a sense of God because he doesn't say anything anymore. Used to talk all the time, used to go up to people on the street, "Hey!" [Gibberish] Writing on the rocks — "Look at that! Do it!" And it was conf– Everybody's like, trying to figure it out. And then for 2,000 years, he just — "Mm, meh." Nothing! Says nothing! And everybody's fighting. He could clear a lot of shit up with a five-minute press conference. If God spoke for five minutes, he'd solve a lot of problems. He'd just show up, "All right, everybody, yeah, I'm the Lord. Okay, real quick. First of all, Mormons, just: no. [Laughter and applause] What is that? Just go home. Also, Jews with the little things, what the fuck? I don't know… Put a hat on or don't, nobody gives a shit. This is weird. I hate these. I hate them. I sent everybody with one of those to hell every day. I do. It's just my thing. Just so you know. Do what you want, but that's where you're going. Now, you know. Also, I don't care who you fuck. I don't care. It never mattered. It was Adam and Eve and Steve. They were all fucking each other. I was jerking off to it. It was a great time. So it's not an issue for me. I don't know why it is for you. Have fun and use all the holes, that's what I say. Also, you're supposed to fuck the animals. That's why I made them! Why are you not fucking the animals?! There's only like 30,000 of you fucking the animals. What are the rest of you — You're eating them?! That's disgusting! What is wrong with you? How could you eat a perfectly fuckable pig." [Laughter] Sayeth the Lord.
Well, it's nice to be in Washington, D.C., where — I was born here. [Cheering and applause] I like it here, 'cause I like any city, I like cities. I don't like cities that are too advanced. You know, I was in Zurich. And they have so much sh– you know, they're like, "Here's the bike, you want a bicycle? It's yours. Just have it, it's nice." And they have the garbage with the eight fuckin' holes of different shapes — it's like an IQ test for a monkey. I don't know what the fuck. There's one hole has a picture of a cup, and the next one is a picture of a cup that's a little different. I'm standing there with a dead baby, I don't know where I'm supposed to… What am I suppose to do with that? It doesn't go in the newspapers slot, but otherwise, I don't know. [Laughter]
I like cities, I don't like little places. When I go to Europe, I go to the big cities. Everybody tells you, "Don't go to Madrid. Yeah. Just go to Madrid for like a day. And then you got to take a train and you have to go to [Gibberish] It's a beautiful little old village and you're gonna love it." Fuck you, you don't know me. I'm not going to love a village in Europe with a bell that goes "pang," like, whenever, and a dog walking alone. I don't like cute little places. I don't like little towns in America either, with little shops. "Oh, look at that little shop! Let's go in that little shop." Nah, let's get a divorce. Isn't that a better idea? You go in there, I'll just walk away. Just tell the kids I was a pilot and I got shot down.
I don't like little shops. I'm uncomfortable in a little shop. You go in, it's like, "cli-li-ling-ling, cli-li-ling." Now it's just you and her. You're surrounded by her dream. And you can't just, "Ugh!" and leave! Well, you… She saw you, you have to go all the way in now and look at all the little crafts that she made. [Laughter] [Exasperated sigh] You made this? Really? You made this instead of killing yourself? [Laughter] I fucking wish I was that mean. I really do. All my fantasies are about being mean, just having the balls to, like, walk in a little store like that and just go like, "Oh, I don't like this at all. I don't like it in here. Unh-uh. What's your name? Debbie? Fuck you, Debbie. I don't like your store.
I was in Florida recently, I don't like Florida at all, it's a shit state full of shit people, that's what I think. Hate Florida. I hate it. I hate the whole thing. The whole — the entire — it looks like — it doesn't look like a dick. People say that; it looks like a shit coming out. If you look at it, it's like America's ass, and it's a shit that's just — that you're trying to… And there's a little — Cuba's like a little — Pbbt! That came first. That's what I think of Florida. Every time there's a hurricane, I'm like, "Yeah, get 'em! Get 'em all, Melissa!" No, I don't mean any of that. I was just funnin'. Just fun to pretend.
I was in a sushi restaurant in Florida. And it was empty — you ever go in a restaurant and it's open, but it's — you're literally the only person in there. You walk in, the staff is like sitting at the tables, you know, and you walk in, you're like, "Are you open?" They're like, "Yeah." And you go, "Oh, good." And you — and they're like, "Aww, pfft! We gotta fire up the whole fuckin' restaurant for this one guy now?" So I ordered a lot of sushi because I felt bad for wasting their time, and, um… And I — I didn't eat most of it because I don't like sushi. And, um — so the waitress comes over. She's Japanese and she says, "You no finish?" Which is what she said. I'm not… It's just what she said, I can't… I'm not gonna change what she fucking said. I'm not gonna lie to ya and say that she said, "You're not going to finish that," because it doesn't happen to be what she said. And I have to do the accent because it's weird if I tell you she said, "You no finish?" So I'm stuck. I'm just telling you what happened. She said, "You no finish?" "Whoo, you no finish!" [Gibberish] That's exactly what she said. It's a perfect replica. No, it was subtle. She said, "You no finish?" And I said, "No, I no finish." Because I think that's — I think it's polite to repeat people's bad English to them. Otherwise, you're being a dick, it's like, "You no finish?" No, I am not going to finish. [Laughter] You left out a lot of words. I took the liberty of restoring them.
I was in upstate New York in a small town, and I was standing in front of a drugstore. And in the window of the drugstore, they had a wheelchair on display in the window. Is that really an impulse purchase? "Hmm… I should get a wheelchair. That would really help with my paralysis. Then I wouldn't have to drag myself everywhere I go like I've been doing for 10 years since my legs were blown off at the marathon." [Scattered laughter and groans] Okay. Okay. Bunch of fuckin' hypocrites, apparently, because let me point somethin' out to you. Let me point somethin' out to you motherfuckers. You are just, like, seconds ago, laughing at a man with no legs crawling on the ground. You're just — [Imitates laughter] And then at the end, you're like, "Oh, but not those particular legless people. No! We thought you meant just some asshole with a childhood disease who deserves to be laughed at. Not one of those." No, we're laughing at all legless people equally. However you lost your legs: Ha-ha-ha, you haven't legs. And we've legs.
I have legs — I have two legs. Two fucking legs — that's the maximum amount. Fuckin' love having two legs. I fucking love it. I wouldn't like having no legs. I really don't think I would like it. I think it would suck. I think would suck shit out of the balls of Christ. It's an old Southern expression, it's not…. Used like it used to be. I think two legs is better than none. That's what I think. That's just my opinion. It's not popular. You're not supposed to say that because you're supposed to always be very positive about disabled people. But I think that puts pressure on them to be positive. What if they don't want to be? Because the only story we want to hear is about the amazing disabled people — "He's amazing." "He lost his legs, then he won the leg having contest." What about disabled people who aren't amazing, who are just ordinary with a sweatshirt and some potato chips, and he's going, "Fuck, I wish I had legs." "No! No, this is better! It's better with no legs." "Why is it better?" Because you can do anything now. I can do four things. Fuck off.
I just don't know that our positive non-disabled attitude really helps. Like retarded people — let's — we're gonna talk about retarded people for 20 minutes. Just — that's what's gonna happen. We're going to discuss retarded people for 20 minutes. It's not okay to not — never speak of them. No, we're gonna talk about them. First of all, I want — mostly I wanna talk about the word "retarded." Okay? Because the word retarded, it's a bad word and people do not like the word retarded, they find it very offensive. Now, I'm a little confused by this because it wasn't always a bad word. And I grew up in the '70s and it wasn't bad back then. And you most bad words were always bad, you know. "Cunt" never had a day in the sun. There was never a… a time where the Santa Clause of the mall was like, "C'mere, you little cunt. Tell me what you want for Christmas." And then in the '90s, we're like, "Let's lay off of 'cunt' a little bit there, gang." No, the word — we used the word retarded in the '70s, we used it to identify people who were retarded. [Laughter] It wasn't controversial, it wasn't like — [Whispering] "He's retarded." It was like, "He is retarded." This fellow right here is retarded, right? I told you, yes, you're still retarded. He is retarded, everyone.
And I grew up in Boston. We didn't say "retarded" in Boston. [Non-rhotic] We said "re-tah-ded." "He's re-tah-ded." "God bless him, he's fuckin' re-tah-ded." [Laughter] That's the way we used it! With love: help the retarded. That's what people said in the '70s. "Help the retarded." There was a lady outside the supermarket near my house every Christmas with a bell, she was like, "Help the retarded! Help the fucking retarded!" You gonna tell me she was a bad person? She was helpin' the retarded.
And I feel like we had more of them around back then. I haven't seen one in years. In the '70s, there was a retarded guy in a windbreaker on every street corner. They — we were using the word and they were more in our lives. I swear to God, they were more. They were in our culture. There was TV movies about retarded people all the time. "Tonight on ABC, 'A Retarded Boy's Dream'." There was one I remember with Shaun Cassidy, I don't know if you remember Shaun Cassidy, some of you are too young, but Shaun Cassidy, he began his career as a teen pop idol. He was a 13 year old boy with a very hit song called "Da Doo Ron Ron." And he had feathered blond hair and juicy lips. He was on the cover of Teen Beat magazine, like… And everybody likes Shaun Cassidy 'cause he was sexy. Was a sexy boy. I thought he was sexy. I — I thought he was really sexy. I was six years old, but I already had inappropriate sex feelings for teenage boys when I was six. I was an old soul. I was — [Laughter] I was a pedophile when I was six. I used to go up to teenage boys when I was six, I was like, "Hey, how's it going?" That kid's weird, he's got a boner. Anyway.. Not anymore, I outgrew it, but, uh… No. I'm not — I'm not sexually attracted to teenage boys. I'm not. I'm not. But I don't not get it. I mean, I — I get it. I'm not like, "What?!" Like… You can see it.
Like, I was in an airport once and I'm walking along where people walk in the airport, and there was these chairs facing the aisle, and there is this family sitting there, a mom and a dad and two teenage boys. And they're, like, just both sitting with their phones with their legs — they were wearing, like, these shorts — one had cutoff shorts and one had basketball shorts. And they both just had their legs open 'cause they don't give a fuck, both legs just splayed. And then just this — just smooth. You know, just very… And I saw it. Didn't give me a — didn't do anything to me, but I kind of wanted to stop and go, "Hey, fellows, let's — let's close that shit up, huh? You're not getting me, but I know you're causing a problem for somebody in this airport. Let's close it up." I did not say that… Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
Anyway, let's return to the comfortable subject of retarded people, shall we? [Laughter] So Shaun Cassidy: Shaun Cassidy was a teen singer who then grew up — he was about 18 — he was, you know, old and gross. nobody wanted to fuck him. So he started to act, and he had a movie on TV called "Normal People," where he played a retarded man who wants to live a normal life — it was very inspiring, actually. And at one point he goes to — he didn't do, like, a big retarded character. He wore thick glasses, he talked like Elmer Fudd. That was the whole thing. So he goes up to the guy who runs the group home he lives in and he says, "I want to get a job." And the guys who runs it is like, you know, Republican, conservative. So he's like, "You can get a job, you're retarded!" You know. But — but then there's a liberal lady who works there and she says, "Of course he can get a job. He's as good as anyone!" So they let him get a job as an air traffic controller or whatever was available. And then… He meets a woman who's also retarded, who lives at the group home. He falls in love with her. It's a very nice love story. And he says, "We want to get married." And the guy says, "Brr!" She says, "But they're in love!" So they get married. And then one day he says, "We want to have a baby." And the liberal lady says, "No fucking way." And they just shut them down right there. And that's the end of the movie. I swear to God, that's just how it ends. And the point of the movie is just, you know, hey, there's a limit — like, that's, I guess, what the point of it was. And that's pretty intense.
But, hey, retarded people were on television, we were talking about it, we were dealing with it — and they said the word retarded about 50,000 times in the movie. Now, we don't say the word and I don't see 'em anywhere. I guess that's my problem with it. And also, the word is not basically a bad word. It's a medical term, but it became a bad word because it's used as an insult, really — not towards retarded people. Nobody does that. Nobody calls retarded people retarded to insult them. What would be the point of that? That would be like going up to a chair and saying, "You're fuckin chair!" Like, what are you doing? No. People use it on their friends, like, you're at a bar, your friend's like, "I don't have any more money for beer," and you're like, "You're fucking retarded, you know that?" And in that moment, no one retarded is insulted. They're not. Do you know why? Because they're not there! 'Cause we don't include them in our lives. They're not at the bar — How many of you have a retarded drinking buddy that you hang out with? No, you take 'em to the zoo when they're little him and then fuck 'em.
This is what I find confusing about this thing, is that we told many generations of people that they are retarded. We told them that that's what they are and they lived with it, and they dealt with it, and then we just decided it's a bad word. So did we tell them this? Did we go back to them and explain this to them? "Listen, Nelson, I have somethin' to tell you, you're not retarded anymore." "You mean I'm cured?" [Laughing] "No! No, no. Nah, we're not even working on it." [Sighs]
Anyway, I've been traveling. [Laughter] I went to France last year because I thought I should leave the nation — felt like a good idea. Would have left the planet if they had another one of those. But… When I went to France, I had a great time. I fell in love. I met a woman. I fell in love in France. And we've been together since then. It's been nice. [Cheering and applause] Yeah, okay, it's nice having a girlfriend from another country because you learn a lot about that country. I learn a lot about France from being with her. I never knew these things about — like, one time she was sick, and I was taking care of her, so I gave her — she had a fever. I gave her a thermometer and she put it in her asshole. [Laughter] Never seen that before; turns out the whole country, all of France, puts thermometers in their assholes. And they don't put their eggs in the fridge. They have no respect for temperature in either direction. I'd never — I was like, why are you putting it in your asshole? She said, "You don't do this? You don't put here in America?" I said, "No, we don't put a glass thermometer filled with mercury in our anuses… You fucking savage." Well, we do it to babies and dogs 'cause they can't talk. Every American baby's first words is, "Get that fucking thing out of my asshole." You ever take your dog's temperature? You have to hold your dog's ass still, and then you slip it in there and your dog looks to you like, "Why would you do that?! Why would you do that to me?!" And you're like, "I could never explain it to you, but I need to hold it here for 60 seconds."
Dogs are so dumb, it's fucking tragic. It's sad how dumb they are. They're in our lives and they know nothing about what's happening. You ever been having, like, a dramatic moment in your family, like, you're in the living room telling the kids that grandma died, and everybody's crying, and the dog's sitting there like… [Chuckling] "I know you! Ha!" They're so stupid! Incredibly stupid animals. They don't even know their own lives, they don't even — they can't even handle their own lives mentally. You ever throw a ball for your dog and your dog gets the ball and brings it, and then you throw the ball again, and the dog brings it. And then one of the times you throw the ball, the dog looks at you like, "I didn't see what happened. I'm sorry, I… I don't know anything now. Please help." So you point at the ball, "There it is, right there. It's right there." And the dog just looks at your finger 'cause there's just no way he's gonna get this concept that there's an invisible line… …that he can follow with his imagination.
I have a great dog. I've got a dog last year. She's a great dog. I did not adopt her, I'll be honest with you. I bought her with money. That's the truth. People always ask me when I walk my dog in New York, "That's a beautiful dog. Is she a rescue?" I'm like, "No, she's very expensive. Please don't touch her." [Laughter] I did rescue a dog last year, and it bit everyone in my life, so I un-rescued it, and I bought a dog that works. In New York, everybody rescues their dogs, like, "I rescued this dog. I rescued her. She has no eyes and she's dead.
I hate New York, I really do — I used to love New York, but I hate it now, I really — I'd rather be in Auschwitz than in New York City. Honestly, I would. I mean — I mean Auschwitz now. I mean, today Auschwitz. Not back when it was open. I mean, now — it's nice now. There's a gift shop. People go there on purpose. They buy tickets. I think that's weird… That people buy tickets to Auschwitz. That's weird. If you could have told those people back then, "People are going to buy tickets to come here. Wrap your head around that. Jew." That's — All right. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, never again, I promise.
That's what we say about the Holocaust: Never again, 'cause they killed six million Jews. If they only killed, like, 10,000, would it be like, "Okay, two more times, and then taper off because it's a little much."
I'll tell you, I went to Auschwitz — this is a true story, I actually did go to Auschwitz because I was doing shows in Poland because I had to go to Poland to do shows. So… [Laughter and applause] So… I was in Krakow. I was in Krakow, so I went to the camp, and I went there because of a very personal reason — because I had family there, I had a lot of family there. Forty-four members of my family were in Auschwitz during World War II. I mean, they were guards, they worked there. No, no, no, no. They were Jews and they died. It's okay. Don't be offended. It's true. We lost the whole family there, everybody — the whole — because we were Hungarian Jews. My grandfather on my father's side, he's the only one who made it; the rest them, all 44 of them, went to Auschwitz, which I think they really regretted. But that's — that's what happened, because the Hungarians sent all their Jews to — They didn't — they weren't even occupied, Hungary, they're just like, "Yeah, take — take our Jews." And they sent my whole family there. And they were all — died in Auschwitz, all except for him. My grandfather's the only one who made it. Because he got the fuck out of there before it started — in the late '20s, he fucking smelled that shit and he got the fuck out. And he went to Mexico. He migrated to Mexico. And we found his immigration card. My uncle and I did the family history and we found it. It says, "Nationality: Hungarian," and it says, "Religion: Catholic." And there's a picture of him like. [Laughter] He's like, "Fuck it, they don't know what a Jew looks like in Mexico — that's where I'm going!" And that's why I'm alive, because he made that choice. It's also why I'm not Jewish, 'cause he was like, "Jew-schmoo, we're not fucking Jewish. Somos catolicas." That was my abuelito. Became a fuckin' Mexican fast.
That's what happened, that's how he made it. Was a fascinating guy, my grandfather. His name was Geza. That was his name. And he had a brother named Geza. It's weird, but I looked it up, and here's what happened: His parents had a baby and they named it Geza, and it died — the baby died. So they had another one and they just said, "Fuck it, Geza, just do it again," because that's what it was like. Babies died, it was no big deal back then. It was just like, "Yeah, that was a shitty baby. Let's do another one." "Why'd your baby die?" "Because it sucked — Why does any baby die? At least we found out quick. Fuck it. This one's good."
That's what it was like forever until recently. The human race was all the good babies and the shitty ones, pbbt! That's just the way it worked. It's not like that now. Now we save every baby. The shittier the baby, the bigger the effort. Because we love it, we love saving the shitty babies. There's always a documentary, "Look at this baby. He's a fucking mess. Do you see that shit? We're gonna save it, make it live." And the baby's like, "Please don't!" But we'd rather — we don't like when babies die, we get more upset when a baby dies. Who knows this baby? "Did you hear about Jeff?" No, he was here for one day. Nobody met him. And then if you die when you're old, nobody gives a shit. They're lie, "Eh, he was here long enough, fuck 'em." You ever tell somebody, like, your grandmother di– "My grandmother died." They're like, "I'm so sorry. How old was she?" "She was 98." "Oh. So why'd you even tell me?"
I'm 52 and I like my 50s, I like this part of my life. It's my favorite so far. I'll tell you why. Because I can still move around pretty good. And I don't have long to live. I view that as a positive. Because life is a lot of pressure. The more life you have ahead of you, the more problems you have. Like, if you're 20, you might have 70 years to try not to be homeless or alone during. But I can — I got maybe 24 years left. I can handle that, like, that's an amount of time, like, "Oh, yeah, I can fucking do that. I can cover 24 years." And it gets easier every year less that I have. Like, I bought a winter coat the other day I was like, "This is my last coat. I don't need a bunch of these. Gets easier.
I used to — I used to think I have to — I need to find a woman who will be with me forever. I need string of girlfriends at this point. Just a few more girl– I need three women in their 40s to get me through my 50s, and two in their 50s to get me through my 60s. And then when I'm 75, 21 years old. That's when I'm doing that. Twenty one, she gets the rest of my money. Just blow me to my grave and keep the change. [Laughter] That's the offer on the table for anybody who's 21 when I'm 75. She hasn't been born yet, but we'll see with the… we'll see what the new crop brings.
My French girlfriend, she's 42, which is perfect. She's pornographically hot, but she's willing to fuck this mess. Because you — really you have to be over 40 to have the compassion and the sense of humor to fuck around… She likes to be on top, which I think is, that's 'cause that's the best that I ever look is laying on my back because you just — all the skin lays where it belongs. Like it just drapes nicely. I like about 49 and a half when I'm on my back. And if I get on top of her, I just — it comes off. It comes away from the bone like barbecued pork. And this shit, when you hang this, it's all red and bumpy. It's like the roof of a cave. It's a nightmare. And my tits are like flappy triangles with red tips. They look like candy corn that somebody stepped on.
But it's nice, uh… nice having a girlfriend, it's better than being married because, you know, with a girlfriend you can switch, and, uh… Marriage is — fuck, that's hard. I feel bad for people that are in bad marriages. That's — if you're in a bad marriage, by the way, you know what you should do? Just at stay home. Don't make people — just self-quarantine. Don't make people fucking look at you. You know, those couples that come over for dinner and they're holding a gun to each other's heads like, "Hi, thanks for having us." Fuck. There's always that awful moment at dinner. One of them's like, "We saw that show on Wednesday." The other one's like, "It wasn't Wednesday." We're going to fucking puke because of your life. Oh, that's bad.
I was on an airplane one time and a married couple came on and they had been sat separately. There was some mistake. So they're trying to figure it out. And the woman, she's supposed to sit here, she comes up to me. She says, "Would you mind moving so I can sit with my husband?" And he's behind her. He's like… And I wanted to help them, but what am I going to say to his wife? Just, "No, I won't move." Then I have to sit with her. So I just got off the plane. I didn't go on the trip. I got off the plane and it took off and it hit the World Trade Center. So that was… Yeah, that was bad. I'll never forget that day. Ah, fuck, that was so unnecessary. That was wildly unnecessary. I dunno, man. I'm sorry. I'm fucking mentally ill, I don't know…
I've been thinking about this: I think the thing is, I think — I think I learned too early in my life that when I say something and people get angry, I just like how that feels. I don't know why, but I learned it too early, I think that's the problem. I learned that when I was 6. That's too young for that kind of… You know, I learned all the bad words when I was 6. I learned them all in one day from this old dude who hung around our neighborhood. I don't know if he lived there or what, but there this old dude with a shitty coat and a dark tooth that was always walking around my neighborhood. And if you're a kid walking alone, he'd walk up and, "Hey," talk to you — because it was the '70s. You could just walk up to kids and talk to 'em. Now you can't even fuck 'em, it's crazy how things are… [Laughter]
Sorry. I know it's wrong to fuck kids, by the way, just to be clear, I know that fucking children is wrong. I don't even need to be told. I just know that it's wrong. I would know it was wrong, even if it was popular. Even if people were like, "You should fucking kids, it's great," I wouldn't do it. Even if the kids came out to me all the time, "You should fuck me, I like it. I wouldn't mind at all." I would say, "No thank you, young man." Even if doctors proved… [Laughs] …that it was beneficial to the health of children to fuck them, I wouldn't do it. I would — I would — I wouldn't fuck a kid to save his life. That's… Even even if somebody said to me, "If you fuck just this one kid, then no kid will ever get fucked ever again." I might have to fuck that one kid. That might be the right thing to do. I'm saving all those kids. Oh, I'm saving them all. Not you, not you. You're the last one. It's hypothetically.
Anyway, so the old man came up to me on the street and he and he said, "Hey, do you want to know all the bad words? And I said, "Yes, I think I do." So he's like, "All right. Okay. Fuck, shit, piss, dick, balls, ass, cock, diarrhea, pussy, fart, cum." And I was like, "Oh!" Just felt so good. I went to school, I went right up to my teacher, I said, "Fuck, shit, piss, dick, balls, ask, cock, diarrhea, cum, fart." And she started crying. It's a true story. She was like — [Imitates wailing] Started crying. I had a boner. I was so happy. It was the best moment of my life. I had to go to the principal's office. He said, "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" I said, "No, but I eat her pussy with it." [Laughter] Yeah. Yeah. [Laughs] Yeah!
Anyway, relationships are tough. That's what I'm talking about. I used to date a woman who was a vegan, so I had to fuck her with my dick substitute and, uh… 'Member when meeting a vegan was weird? Remember when there was like a strange thing, like, "Oh, what is — what is that?" Like, you probably met your first vegan in the '90s. You had like a dinner party and somebody brought a vegan and they said, "Just so you know, I'm vegan," and you're like, "I'm sorry, you're a vegetarian?" And they're like, "Heh, no." All right, what is the thing? And they tell all the… Huh? Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah, I have no food for you. You can eat a napkin and shit paper, I don't care. But then you met another vegan and you're like, "Okay," and then — and now they're everywhere, now who cares? There's several vegans and restaurants and whatever. It's kind of like gay people sort of a similar trajectory of growth and acceptance in the culture. You know? Gay people and vegans have a lot in common — like, they both have to tell their families at Thanksgiving. That's when they have to tell them. And Dad gets angry. "Your mother worked all night cooking that turkey, and you're telling me you're a fucking faggot?!" You know, it's drama.
But those are the old days, things are better now. I think it's pretty amazing when you think about it. People used to say that being gay was wrong. Pretty recently, folks used to — like, most people used to say that being gay was wrong, 'course it's not wrong to be gay. I mean, it's pretty gay but it's not wrong, but that's what people used to say. And now nobody says that. And I think that's a positive change. I think that's a good thing, although I do wonder if there are gay people who miss when it was wrong. Maybe there's a few who miss when it was — 'cause wasn't it a little more fun, when it was like, "This is fucking crazy." Didn't that… Didn't give it a little zhuzh. A little… I could lose my job. Aw, fuck… Because… Now they're like everybody else, which is great. And they can get married. That's terrific. But is that fun to fuck your husband at your house? Wasn't it more fun to be in an old nightclub at 4:00 in the morning, like, "I'm breaking my mother's heart. Oh, yeah."
I don't know, I don't even mean just gay people, just some people like when sex is a little fucked up. You know? "Some people!" Some people like when sex is a little fucked up. [Chuckles] All right. [Laughs] No… All right now, you want to talk about this? Should we talk about it?
Yeah, all right, all right. I don't mind — I don't mind talking about it. Okay. Um… [Laughs] Here's what — I'll give you some advice. Here's some advice that really only I can give you. Here's my advice: if you ever ask somebody, "Can I jerk off in front of you?" [Scattered laughter] Let me finish. I mean — [Laughter and applause] I mean… Let me finish what I'm saying! Ah… Ah, fuck. Okay. If you've ever ask somebody, "May I jerk off in front of you," and they say yes, just say, "Are you sure?" That's the first part. And then if they say yes, just don't fucking do it. Just — just don't do it. 'Cause, look, whatever you're into, okay? 'Cause everybody's got their thing. Whatever your thing is, I don't know. You all have your thing. I don't know what your thing is. You're so fucking lucky that I don't know what you're thing is. Do you understand how lucky you are that people don't know your fucking thing? 'Cause everybody knows my thing. Everybody knows my fucking thing now. Obama knows my thing. Do you understand how that feels? To know that Obama was like, "Good lord!" Everybody in the world knows my thing. I got on an airplane in Italy, this little kid was like, "Mama, that's the guy who jerk off in front of the people!"
So whatever your thing is, I don't know what it is, maybe you can't cum unless you have your father on speaker phone, whatever it is. If you want to do it with somebody else, you need to ask first, but if they say yes, you still don't get to just go, "Whoo!" And charge ahead — gotta check in often. I guess that's what I would say. Check in, because it's not always clear how people feel. Like, men are taught to make sure the woman is okay. But the thing is, women know how to seem okay when they're not okay. So you can't just look at her face be like, "Yeah, her eyes are dry. We're fine. We'll just keep going" — You gotta check in. 'Cause sex — communication, during sex can be very confusing, like, sometimes, you're with a woman, you're having sex, she's making noises, she's going, like, "Ooh, ahh." And you're like, "Oh, she loves it." Not necessarily. Sometimes they're making those noises just to get through it, because it's easier to go, "Ooh," than to say, "I hate how you fuck me. Honestly, it's awful." So she goes, "Ooh, baby!" It's kind of like a Negro spiritual, it's sort of similar. So to assume that she likes it is like if they heard slaves singing in the fields, and they're like, "Hey, you're having a great time out there!"
As far as my thing — I dunno what the fuck… People are like, "Why do you want to do it anyway?" Okay, oh, no. I like jerking off, I don't like being alone. That's all I can tell you. I — I get lonely! "Where is everyone?" It's just sad. I like company. I like to share. I'm good at it, too. If you're good at juggling, you wouldn't do it alone in the dark. You would gather folks and amaze them. [Laughter] Anyway, that's all I'm going to say about that shit.
[Chuckles] Well… [Chuckles] Let me ask you a question. You ever wonder how many people ever fucked your mom? We're almost done. You're doing great. This is important to me. You ever look at your mom and go, like, "Mom, how many dicks? Just how many?" I lost my mom. So those are the things I don't know. So I'm curious. I don't feel like a lot of dudes fucked my mom. Not 'cause she's, like, pure, because, like, I don't think so. But I hope it was as many as she wanted. That's what I hope — I hope she got all the dicks she ever dreamed of because I loved her. I hope at the end, my mom was like, "That with plenty of dicks. Whew-hoo!" But I'll never know — because you don't know your mom. That's the truth — you don't really know your mother. You feel like you know her, but you know what she told you. She didn't tell you shit. You don't tell your kids your life. What did your mother tell you? "I won a swimming medal when I was 12." She didn't tell you, like, "I used to fuck this guy at work, it was amazing." She didn't tell you that. Think about your mom's life story as she told it to you. There's huge holes in that story. "Well, I graduated when I was 22 and then I met your father when I was 35." "Feels like a lot of dicks would fit right in there, Mom."
You know those movies where you're — where a mother and a daughter switch bodies. You ever seen a movie like — it's always like, "Freaky Friday," some Disney comedy where a mother and a daughter switch bodies and then they're like, "Whoa!" Then they have to water ski and be in a rock band together. And then they switch back and they know each other better. That's the formula I think they should make it another one of those movies. But it should be about a mother who switches bodies with her son. But it's not a comedy, it's a drama — like a medical affliction. They're upset the whole time. She's in the bathroom in the morning, "I'm holding my son's penis. It's confusing." And her son is in her body, he's like, "I don't want to be my mommy anymore. I don't like how it feels." And his dad comes home and he starts fucking 'im. "Oh, God! What's happening now? I don't like this, but I don't want to say no to my dad." And then at the end of the movie, they never switch back.
You guys were great, thank you very much for coming tonight. It was a pleasure talking to you. Get home safe. Thank you very, very much. Goodnight.
More: Louis C.K., Stand-up transcripts
1 thought on "SINCERELY LOUIS CK (2020)"
I don't see how he was giving the middle finger to SJWs.
That part sounds like healthy advice disguised in humor.


text:
24 Feb 2021 29 Apr 2021 Massimo Mangia
Hospitals in Dax and Villefranche-sur-Saône were paralysed by attacks in which hackers blocked telephone systems, forcing the hospitals to disable the internet to prevent the spread of ransomware.
The blocking of networks resulted in patient records being inaccessible, medication, appointments, bed and doctor assignments being impossible to manage.
Patient operations were delaied and some patients were transferred to other hospitals, while hospital staff were forced to revert to paper forms.
The National Agency for Information Systems Security (Anssi) has been working to restore computer networks and recover data, some of which was protected in backups. It is expected to take several weeks before hospitals can return to normal operation.
Speaking at a press conference last week, Macron said the attacks showed France's "vulnerability and the importance of stepping up and investing".
According to Anssi, ransomware attacks in France increased by 255% last year compared to 2019, with the increase particularly affecting the healthcare sector, the education system, local authorities and digital service providers.
"It is more urgent than ever to act concretely and collectively on digital security," said Anssi director general Guillaume Poupard.
There were 27 cyber-attacks on French hospitals in 2020, according to Cédric O, the French minister for digital transition and communications.
This latest incident follows an attack earlier this month on the French insurance company Mutuelle Nationale des Hospitaliers (MHH) that caused its website and telephone platform to crash.
What happened in France could also happen in Italy, as healthcare companies' information systems can be vulnerable to ransomware attacks. The issue of cyber security must be a priority for future investment.
Regulations, Technologiesattack, France, hacker, hospitals, ransomware, security
Previous Article Google introduces Care Studio, a tool for navigating information in electronic health records
Next Article A proposal to digitise the package leaflet for medicines

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


The refurbished interior of the cloister of the Chartreuse of el Paular with the paintings of Vicente Carducho.
Saint Bruno refuses the archbishopric of Reggio di Calabria, by Vicente Carducho, Chartreuse of el Paular.
Not to be confused with Bartolomeo Carducci.
Vincenzio Carduccio (in Spanish, sometimes Vicencio or Vicente Carducho; 1576/78–1638) was an Italian painter.
He was born in Florence, and was trained as a painter by his brother Bartolomeo Carduccio, whom he followed to Madrid as a boy.
He Initially painted some works at Valladolid and helped his brother in painting at the Escorial for Philip II of Spain. He returned to the court of Philip III in Madrid in 1606 and helped decorate the recently rebuilt Palacio del Pardo. While at work his brother died, and Vicente took his place. He painted there a history of Achilles. When finished, he was employed for four years by the monks of the Chartreuse of el Paular to decorate their monastery with 54 canvases of historical figures the great cloister. 27 represent the live of St. Bruno, 27 of martyrs.
He worked a great deal for the subsequent monarch, Philip IV, and his best pictures are those he executed for him as decorations in the Prado. Examples of his work are preserved at Toledo, Segovia, and several other Spanish cities. For many years he labored in Madrid as a teacher of his art, and among his pupils were Giovanni Ricci, Pedro Obregon, Vela, Francisco Collantes, and other distinguished representatives of the Spanish school during the 17th century.
"Shame on me and all those who rash and impudent, and without meditation and without improving our souls, in this world set out to paint a portrait of the most Holy Queen of Angels, Mother of the Almighty, she who was full of grace, she who will be our means for gaining heaven...How well this was understood by that holy monastic painter Brother Juan Fesulano..(who) never started to paint without praying first..and (who) wept whenever he painted Christ on the Cross."
"His new dish is cooked with condiments, with so much flavor, appetite, and relish that he has surpassed everybody with such choice tidbits and a license so great that I am afraid the others will suffer apoplexy in ther[clarification needed] true principles, because most painters follow him as if they were famished. They do not stop to reflect of the fire of his talent which is so forceful, nor whether they are able to digest such an impetuous, unheard of, and incompatible technique, nor whether they possess Caravaggio's nimbleness of painting without preparation. Did anyone ever paint, and with so much success, as this monster of genius and talent, almost without rules, without theory, without learning and meditation, solely by the power of this genius and the model in front of him which he simply copied so admirably.? I heard a zealot of our profession say that the appearance of this man mean a foreboding of ruin and end of painting, and how at the close of this visible world the Antichrist, pretending to be the real Christ with false and strange miracles and monstrous deeds would carry with him to damnation a very large number of people moved by his works which seemed so admirable (although they were in themselves deceptive, false, and without truth or permanence).
"Thus this Anti-Michelangelo with his showy and external copying of nature his admirable technique and liveliness has been able to persuade such a large number of all kinds of people that his is good painting and that his theory and practice are right, that they have turned their backs on the true manner of perpetuating themselves and on true knowledge in this matter."
A Documentary History of Art, Volume II, Michelangelo and the Mannerists; the Baroque; and the eighteenth Century, edited by Elizabeth Gilmore Holt. Doubleday Anchor Book. (1958) p208-212.
Madrazo, Pedro de (1872). Catálogo Descriptivo e Histórico del Museo del Prado de Madrid (Parte Primera: Escuelas Italianas y Españolas). Calle del Duque de Osuna #3; Original from Oxford University, Digitized May 1, 2007: M. Rivadeneyra. p. 366.
^ a b c One or more of the preceding sentences incorporates text from a publication now in the public domain: Chisholm, Hugh, ed. (1911). "Carducci, Bartolommeo s.v. Vincenzo" . Encyclopædia Britannica. 5 (11th ed.). Cambridge University Press. p. 326.
^ Los cartujos de Carducho regresan a El Paular, Museo Nacional del Prado.
Wikimedia Commons has media related to Vicente Carducho.
This page was last edited on 22 May 2018, at 16:33 (UTC).


text:
QUEst for Blackness – September 2012 (Answers)
Home/District News/Committee News/QUEst for Blackness – September 2012 (Answers)
Please submit your answers to the Chair (aalh@omega10thdistrict.org).
Make sure you give your full name and your chapter.
QUEst #1: I was an African American chemist who contributed to the science of food
preservation. By the end of my career, I had amassed 59 United States patents, and a
number of my inventions were also patented in other countries. I devoted much of my
efforts to the technologies behind curing meat, particularly to improving a curing salt. I
also invented new uses of antioxidants to prevent food spoilage, especially the onset of
rancidity in fats and oils.
My grandmother arrived in Illinois via the "Underground Railroad" and my grandfather
arrived in Chicago in 1837 and was one of the founders of the Quinn Chapel A.M.E.
I know I'm BLACK, but pass the salt. Who am I?
ANS: Lloyd A. Hall
Source: http://www.csupomona.edu/~nova/scientists/articles/hall.html | http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lloyd_Hall
QUEst #2: I am a medical researcher, war hero and political activist. I was born to
former slaves in La Grange, Georgia. I earned a bachelor's degree from Atlanta's Clark
University in 1911 and a medical degree from Harvard University Medical School in
1915. My activism began at Harvard where I missed three weeks of medical school to
join NAACP picket lines protesting The Birth of a Nation. I returned to my studies and
graduated fourth in my class in 1915.
I served in France as a physician and Captain in the U.S. Army in World War I. While
there, I successfully implemented life-saving treatments. Upon my return to the United
States I moved to New York City where in 1919 I became the first African American
appointed to the surgical staff at Harlem Hospital. I began publication of the scholarly
Harlem Hospital Bulletin and established the hospital's medical library in 1934. I
authored columns for the NAACP magazine Crisis, where I challenged the contention
that biological factors caused African Americans to harbor more syphilis and infectious
diseases than the general population.
I headed the team that first used Aureomycin and became an expert in the treatment
of head injuries and introduced the intradermal method of vaccination. I also founded
the cancer research center at Harlem Hospital known as the Harlem Hospital Cancer
Research Foundation.
I fought for the rights of BLACK people and medically advanced them too! Who am I?
ANS: Louis T. Wright
Source: http://www.blackpast.org/?q=aah/wright-louis-t-1891-1952
QUEst #3: Founded in 1964, the White House Fellows program is one of America's
most prestigious programs for leadership and public service. White House Fellowships
offer exceptional young men and women first-hand experience working at the highest
levels of the federal government.
Selected individuals typically spend a year working as a full-time, paid Fellow to senior
White House Staff, Cabinet Secretaries and other top-ranking government officials.
Fellows also participate in an education program consisting of roundtable discussions
with renowned leaders from the private and public sectors, and trips to study U.S. policy
in action both domestically and internationally. Fellowships are awarded on a strictly
non-partisan basis.
In 1974 I became the first black woman to be named a White House Fellow. Who am I?
ANS: Barbara W. Hancock
Source: http://www.dayinblackhistory.com/showarticle3133.aspx
QUEst #4: In 1827, I was a co-founder of the first black newspaper. I was also a founder
in 1833 of the Phoenix Society which provided assistance for impoverished black
New Yorkers. I focused on the importance of education and personally financed and
encouraged black girls and boys to continue their schooling
A quote from the first edition summed up a great many of the reasons for the continuing,
vital existence of the black press.
"We wish to plead our own cause," the editors wrote. "Too long have others spoken for
us. Too long has the public been deceived by misrepresentations, in things which concern
us dearly."
Omega men will you not speak up and confront the white man with the same vigor you
use to silence your brother? Who am I?
ANS: Rev. Peter Williams, Jr.
Source: http://www.blackpast.org/?q=aah/williams-peter-jr-1780-1840
By ITChair|2012-10-19T08:42:35-05:00September 16th, 2012|Committee News, District News|Comments Off on QUEst for Blackness – September 2012 (Answers)


text:
Back to Departments Back to Independent Agencies
The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is an independent federal agency whose duty is to protect consumers from harmful or dangerous products sold in the United States. The CPSC works to guard the public from products that pose a fire, electrical, chemical or mechanical hazard or can injure children. Examples of products the commission examines include toys, cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters and household chemicals. Toys have been an especially hot topic for the commission, as findings have revealed numerous products marketed towards children that contained hazardous substances, such as lead. The CPSC has come under repeated criticism for failing to protect the public. The George W. Bush administration, which, according to consumer organizations, placed a low priority on consumer safety, was motivated by strong Congressional support to sign into law the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008, which established product manufacturing and testing requirements, penalties for violations, whistleblower protections, and a database for product information and consumer reporting
Prior to the establishment of the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), the federal government relied on a mixture of laws and agencies to protect consumers from faulty products. The Flammable Fabrics Act of 1953 was adopted to protect the public against the unreasonable risk of injury from fire. Three years later, Congress passed the Refrigerator Safety Act of 1956, which required manufacturers to design all refrigerators so they could be opened easily from the inside. The legislation was prompted by dozens of deaths resulting from children climbing into abandoned refrigerators and suffocating when the doors closed.
The Federal Hazardous Substances Act of 1960 (pdf) required warning labels to be placed on dangerous products. The law defined a "hazardous substance" as one that "may cause substantial personal injury or illness during or as a proximate result of any customary or reasonably foreseeable handling or use, including reasonably foreseeable ingestion by children."
The Poison Prevention Packaging Act of 1970 (pdf) required "special packaging" to protect children from injury or illness resulting from handling or ingesting dangerous household substances.
No single agency was responsible for enforcing these laws. The Federal Trade Commission was in charge of the Flammable Fabrics Act. The Bureau of Product Safety took care of the Refrigerator Safety Act and the Federal Hazardous Substances Labeling Act. And the National Clearinghouse of Poison Control Centers enforced the Poison Prevention Packaging Act.
In 1970 the National Commission on Product Safety was organized to study the state of goods sold in American markets from a safety standpoint. The commission's final report included extensive surveys on product hazards, accident information systems, voluntary product standards, consumer education, the state of product safety law, the relationship between federal and state law, and product safety policy in other countries. The commission also recommended proposals for general product safety legislation. Congress agreed with the commission's findings, and in 1972, lawmakers created the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC).
Sent to President George W. Bush's desk with overwhelming congressional support, the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008 was signed into law on August 14. The law established new requirements for the testing and manufacture of various products, and set limits for the amounts of certain substances that can be used in manufacturing. It also increased both the budget of the CPSC and the penalties for violations of the law. Some controversy has surrounded the law, with critics charging that business owners not responsible for products found to be in violation of the law could be forced to suffer harmful financial consequences, such as in the case of recalls.
On March 11, 2011, the CPSC launched its database as mandated by the 2008 law. The site—SaferProducts.gov—is set up to provide safety and warning information on consumer products, and to receive consumer submissions on products found to be risky or harmful. The successful launch of the database overcame Republican Congressional attempts to defund it.
During its initial years, the commission enjoyed support from lawmakers and the White House, maintaining a staff of 1,000 employees and an annual budget as high as $146 million. But over the last three decades, Republican administrations have sought to weaken the CPSC's role by trimming its budget. By 2007, it was operating with only 400 workers and a budget of only $60 million. Since the enactment of the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act, and the 2008 election of President Barack Obama—who as a U.S. Senator had been the sponsor of the Lead Free Toys Act of 2007—both the CPSC's budget and workforce have seen a marked annual increase.
The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is charged with protecting the public from unreasonable risks of serious injury or death from more than 15,000 types of consumer products sold in the United States. Deaths, injuries and property damage from consumer product incidents cost the nation more than $800 billion annually. The CPSC works to protect consumers from products that pose a fire, electrical, chemical or mechanical hazard or can injure children. Examples of products the commission examines include toys, cribs, power tools, cigarette lighters and household chemicals.
The commission develops standards, some of which are mandatory for industry to meet. CPSC enforces these mandatory standards and in some cases bans consumer products if no feasible standard would adequately protect the public from harm. The commission can order recalls of products or arrange for their repair. Conducting research on potential product hazards is another responsibility of the commission, along with informing and educating consumers through the media, state and local governments, private organizations, and by responding to consumer inquiries.
The CPSC is headed by five commissioners nominated by the President and confirmed by the Senate for staggered seven-year terms. If the commission has a vacancy, it cannot issue new rules or penalties against companies.
The executive director of the CPSC directs and oversees commission policy and administration, which are implemented by the following offices: Compliance and Field Operations, Hazard Identification and Reduction, Financial Management, Planning, and Evaluation, Human Resources, Information and Public Affairs, Information Management and Technology, International Programs and Intergovernmental Affairs.
The CPSC also runs the National Injury Information Clearinghouse, which disseminates statistics and information relating to the prevention of death and injury associated with consumer products. Each year the clearinghouse responds to 6,000 requests for information from the public.
Another part of the CPSC is the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System (NEISS), comprised of a sample of hospitals that are statistically representative of hospital emergency rooms nationwide. From the data collected, estimates are made of the numbers of injuries associated with consumer products and treated in hospital emergency departments. Data is collected on a broad range of injury-related issues, covering hundreds of product categories, and provides national estimates of the number and severity of product-related injuries.
The Safety Review monthly newsletter is an e-newsletter offering an in-depth look at hazards associated with home and recreational products.
From the Web Site of the Consumer Product Safety Commission
Audio Clips and Sound Bites
Consumer Information Centers
Consumer Opinion Form
Electronic Reading Room: FOIA Data
Guide to Public Information
Hotline (pdf)
Kid Safety
National Injury Information Clearinghouse
Radio PSAs
Speeches by Chairman
Videos and Webcasts
Where Does the Money Go:
The Consumer Product Safety Commission spent $99.9 million from 2007-2011 on private contractors. A total of 4,267 contractor transactions paid for goods and services provided to the commission, such as ADP software ($17.1 million), data collection services ($16.2 million) and telecommunications services ($10.1 million).
The top four contractors are:
1. Inforeliance Corporation $15,992,815
3. Armedia LLC $6,469,268
4. Booz Allen Hamilton Inc. $3,463,349
5. Immixgroup Inc. $2,258,530
CPSC 2013 Performance Budget Request (pdf)
Commissioner Nord Riles Democrats
A holdover from the Bush administration, commissioner Nancy Nord has been a constant thorn in the sides of Democrats and consumer advocates. She has been criticized for repeatedly fighting against increasing the budget of the CPSC and other reforms advocated by those on the left.
In the fall of 2007, Congress was prepared to expand the powers and size of the commission following a rash of high-profile failures by the CPSC to protect the public from dangerous toys and other products. But Nord, then acting head of the commission, rejected plans by lawmakers to more than double the CPSC's budget and expand its staff to help it better perform its job.
Nord also opposed provisions that would increase the maximum penalties for safety violations and make it easier for the government to make public reports of faulty products, protect industry whistle-blowers and prosecute executives of companies that willfully violate laws. She also was critical of a provision to ban lead from all toys, saying it was not practical. She said that the proposal to raise the potential penalty to $100 million "may have the undesired consequence of firms, as a precautionary measure, flooding the agency with virtually every consumer complaint and incident."
Following the election of Barack Obama to the White House, Nord again fought against Congress' attempt to increase the CPSC's budget.
In 2009, Democrats called for Nord to be kicked off the commission. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi publicly asked Nord to resign, saying the commissioner was "an employee of the Bush administration" and that toy and product safety was not a priority of hers.
Nord refused to heed Pelosi's call. Pelosi then asked President Obama to demand that she leave. Obama remained neutral and Nord remained on the commission. A few months later in 2009, Sen. Bill Nelson (D-Florida) also called on Obama to fire Nord. And again, Obama left her alone.
Nord seems intent on serving out her full term, which expires in October 2012.
Who Is Nancy Nord? (by Thomas Francis, Broward-Palm Beach New Times)
Consumer Safety Chief Says She Won't Quit (CBS News)
Bigger Budget? No, Responds Safety Agency (by Stephen Labaton, New York Times)
Commission Allows Dangerous Toys on the Market
Despite changes in federal law intended to eliminate harmful toys, many consumer products marketed to children contain dangerous elements.
According to consumer advocate U.S. PIRG (Public Interest Research Groups), more than 400 children died from toy-related injuries from 1990 to 2010. The organization found toys that pose choking hazards and others containing hazardous levels of toxic chemicals.
Products manufactured after August 2011 are allowed to have only 100 parts-per-million (ppm) of lead. One example found by U.S. PIRG was the children's book Little Hands of Love, which contained 720 ppm.
Another source of trouble for children are toys made with phthalates, compounds added to plastics to make them more flexible and durable. Phthalates have been linked to birth defects, premature delivery, early onset of puberty, and low sperm counts.
In 2008, the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act banned products with phthalate levels greater than 1,000 ppm. Still, many items on the market far exceed this standard. A "BFF" sleep mask for little girls was found to have 77,000 ppm phthalates.
Trouble In Toyland? 24 Toys Deemed Dangerous (CBS News)
Survey Finds Toxic or Dangerous Toys on Store Shelves (U.S. Public Interest Research Group)
From Not Doing Enough to Doing Too Much?
For nearly a decade during the Bush administration, the CPSC was routinely criticized for not carrying out its mandate to protect consumers. Since the election of President Barack Obama, the commission has made some strides. But even some consumer advocates say there is the risk of the CPSC becoming too active, although they're not ready to say that's the problem yet.
During the administration of President George W. Bush, the commission deteriorated to a bare-bones operation that was ineffective when it came to protecting the public. While thousands of toys were sold each year, the CPSC had only one employee testing suspected defective toys. Safety initiatives were stalled or dropped after dozens of jobs were eliminated in budget cutbacks. Some workers quit in frustration. The head of the poison prevention unit, for example, resigned when efforts to require inexpensive child-resistant caps on hair care products that had burned toddlers were delayed so that industry costs could be weighed against the potential benefit to children.
In March 2005, the commission called together the nation's top safety experts to confront an alarming statistic: 44,000 children riding all-terrain vehicles were injured the previous year, nearly 150 of them fatally. National associations of pediatricians, consumer advocates and emergency room doctors urged the commission to ban sales of adult-size ATVs for use by children under 16 because the machines were too big and fast for young drivers to control. But when it came time to consider such a step, John Gibson Mullan, a former industry lawyer working for the CPSC said the situation wasn't that serious and that the commission should be "very careful about making any changes."
Under President Obama, the commission launched SaferProducts.gov, a new government database that stores consumer complaints of harm related to the use of products. The website also provides a separate form for businesses to enter reports of product hazards.
As for product recalls, one advocate recently acknowledged that while the commission needs to be vigilant in ordering unsafe goods off the market, it needs to be aware that too many recalls could be bad for consumers.
Stacy Genovese, who oversees testing at the Good Housekeeping Research Institute, a consumer advocacy organization since 1900, said, "that if the public is inundated with news about product recalls, some of which are for items that are only minimally harmful or dangerous, consumers will start tuning them out and miss those [recalls] that are most important."
An example Genovese cited was the recall of Disney watches because they could cause skin irritation in people with nickel allergies. "If every item that has a potential to cause an allergic reaction is recalled, consumers would be prevented from enjoying lots of food and products."
Controversial Consumer Products Safety Database Implemented Last Month (by waltguy, Rinn Law Library Blog)
The Controversy over Product Recalls (by Stacy Genovese, Good Housekeeping)
Safety Agency Faces Scrutiny Amid Changes (by Eric Lipton, New York Times)
Suggested Reforms:
Former Directors:
CPSC Commissioners—a Chronology
Nancy A. Nord (Acting)
A native of Sioux Falls, SD, Nancy A. Nord has served as an acting commissioner of the Consumer Product Safety Commission since May 2005. Her term expires in October 2012.
Nord holds a bachelor's degree from the University of Nebraska and a law degree from the George Washington University in Washington D.C.
She has held a number of legal positions both in the federal government and in the private sector. Her federal experience includes service as general counsel of the White House Council on Environmental Quality, counsel to the Commerce Committee of the House of Representatives and attorney at the Federal Communications Commission.
In the private sector, she was the director of federal affairs for the Eastman Kodak Company, practiced law with the Washington D.C., law firm of Verner, Liipfert, Bernhard, McPherson and Hand, served as the executive director of the American Corporate Counsel Association and was director of consumer affairs for the U.S. Chamber of Commerce.
Nord—who served as Acting Chairman of the CPSC from July 2006 to May 2009—has been a lightning rod for criticism, from both the left and the right. CNN's Lou Dobbs said of Nord, "Is she as imbecilic as she appears? To be as absolutely insensitive to American consumers, as absolutely lacking the judgment to run a federal agency designed and created to protect the American consumer? I mean this woman is beyond belief."
It was also reported that Nord (and her predecessor, Hal Stratton) had taken numerous overseas trips at the expense of companies that the commission regulates. Nord has refused to heed demands by Democratic lawmakers that she resign her post.
Consumer Safety Chief Says She Won't Quit (CBS/Associated Press)
Lou Dobbs: Who's Protecting You? Nancy Nord isn't
Industries Paid for Top Regulators' Travel (by Elizabeth Williamson, Washington Post)
There She Goes, Flying Off to Japan (by Elizabeth Williamson, Washington Post)
CPSC's Ethics-Review Process For Travel Criticized by Experts (by Elizabeth Williamson, Washington Post)
Richard Franco 4 years ago
Bead toy previously taken off the market because the beads contained glue is back under a new name, Beados. Works the same way.
VERNELL JOHNSON 5 years ago
THANK GOD FOR THE NIGHT GLO SAFETY TIRES. P.S. COMEING SOON
V Blanco 7 years ago
how do i place a warning- complaint about a new maytag gas/electric range that had a short circuit in its electric controls? sparks came out as well as smoke, fortunately we turned off the gas immediately, otherwise we would have blown away in an explosion.
Haley Colaizzi 7 years ago
a warning...i received second degree burns when a joy mangano steamer was knocked over and the water poured from the steam holes like a geyser. although it may not be the fault of the product having a defect, i believe there is a defect in the design. there should be some kind of safety on the machine that does not allow boiling hot water to pour from it if it is tipped or knocked over. i was shocked and horrified when after steaming my clothes i was severely burned and had to recei...
vernell dwayane johnson 8 years ago
TO THE DIRECTORS OF SAFETY .i am an inventor the inventor of the NIGHT GLO SAFETY TIRES .U S PATENT .can you help me .
Nona Kyle 10 years ago
After a year's investigation--my safety issue was dismissed as NOT being a problem. However, there is now pending a class action suit on the same issue.
Where Does the Money Go
Suggested Reforms
Annual Budget: $122.4 million (FY 2013 Request)
Employees: 560 (FY 2013 Estimate)
Official Website: http://www.cpsc.gov/
Kaye, Elliot
Previous Chairman
On March 31, 2014, President Barack Obama nominated Elliot F. Kaye to be chairman of the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). Kaye will be one of five members on the CPSC, which he served as a staffer for many years.
Kaye, who's from New York, graduated from Northwestern University in 1991 with a B.S. in journalism. His future was in public service however and in 1993 he came to Washington as an unpaid intern on Capitol Hill. He worked in the offices of Rep. Earl Hutto (D-Florida), as communications director and chief of staff for Rep. Pat Danner (D-Missouri) and as chief of staff to Rep. John Tierney (D-Massachusetts) until 2001.
Kaye then left Washington to attend law school at New York University. He received his J.D. in 2004, and from 2005 to 2006 clerked for U.S. Circuit Court Judge Sterling Johnson in the Eastern District of New York.
In 2006, while working for the firm of Cooley Godward Kronish in New York, Kaye took the case of Salifou Yankene, a former Ivory Coast child soldier who had requested asylum upon landing in New York. Kaye was able win asylum for Yankene. In 2007, Kaye joined the firm of Hogan Lovells, where he was an associate until 2010.
Kaye moved to the CPSC as senior counsel in 2010 and in 2012 was named deputy chief of staff along with his duties as senior counsel. In 2013, Kaye was named chief of staff and chief counsel to CPSC chairwoman Inez Tenenbaum. Since Tenenbaum left in late 2013, Kaye has been the commission's executive director.
While at CPSC, Kaye has done extensive work to minimize brain and head injuries resulting from youth football. Another project of Kaye's was warning about the risks of coin, or button, batteries. These batteries are often swallowed by children, resulting in severe chemical burns.
Kaye's wife, Kanae, is the country officer for Haiti at the World Bank. They have two sons, Noah and Ethan.
-Steve Straehley
Elliot Kaye Nominated As New Chairman Of The CPSC (by Matthew R. Howsare, Mondaq)
Statement to Senate Commerce Committee (pdf)
Tenenbaum, Inez Moore
Former Chairman
One of Barack Obama's most important victories during his run for the Democratic nomination in 2008 came in South Carolina, where he easily defeated rival Hillary Clinton. Of the many local officials who backed Obama over Clinton, Inez Moore Tenenbaum was the first major state Democrat to endorse his campaign and help him secure the South Carolina primary. This connection, more than anything else, explains why Tenenbaum—a former state school superintendent with no real background in consumer protection—was chosen to take over the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC). She was confirmed by the Senate as the Chair of the CPSC on June 19, 2009.
Born March 8, 1951, in Hawkinsville, Georgia, Tenenbaum attended the University of Georgia, where she received her Bachelor of Science in 1972 and a master's degree in education two years later.
Following college, Tenenbaum worked as an elementary school teacher before joining the South Carolina Department of Social Services, where she licensed Head Start facilities and federally funded child care centers. She later went to work for the state legislature, as the director of research for the Medical, Military, Public and Municipal Affairs Committee of the South Carolina House of Representatives.
She married Samuel J. Tenenbaum in 1984, and went back to school to study law at the University of South Carolina, where she served as associate editor-in-chief of the South Carolina Law Review. She received her law degree in 1986, and then joined the private law firm, Sinkler & Boyd. Working at the firm until 1992, Tenenbaum handled cases in the areas of health, environment, and public interest law.
She established the South Carolina Center for Family Policy, a nonprofit organization that aims to reform the state's juvenile justice system, in 1992.
Tennenbaum's first run for statewide office came in 1994, when she failed to earn the Democratic nomination for lieutenant governor. But she continued to build her political connections, and four years later, she was elected State Superintendent of Education. She was re-elected in 2002 and held the post until stepping down in early 2007.
Some observers have called her record as state superintendent of education "exemplary." During her time as South Carolina's schools chief, test scores rose beyond national averages, full-day kindergarten became a reality, and the state was praised for improving student testing and teacher quality. She also won praise from both teachers unions and education reformers.
Her tenure was not without controversy, however. In 2005, following parental complaints, Tenenbaum decided to remove the book, Whale Talk, from the South Carolina Education Department's English reading list for sophomores. The book had been selected by the American Library Association as a Top 10 Best Book for Young Adults, but Tenenbaum justified her move by claiming the book had too much profanity in it.
She also appeared on national television defending South Carolina's low SAT scores as part of a 20/20 Special Edition program about public schools in the United States and around the world.
During her second term as schools chief, Tenenbaum ran for the U.S. Senate as the Democrats' choice to replace the retiring Senator Fritz Hollings (D-SC). Few in Washington gave her much of a chance to beat Republican Jim DeMint, but as it turned out, she ran a competitive race that took advantage of several missteps by DeMint. Although she lost the race, her name continued to be mentioned among Democrats for other big-ticket offices. She was often named as a potential Democratic candidate for governor of South Carolina in 2006, but she chose not to run.
Arguably, her biggest, and riskiest, political decision came in 2007 when she endorsed Obama in the Democratic battle for president—at a time when few gave the Illinois senator much chance of knocking off Clinton. When Obama won the South Carolina primary and climbed down off the stage in Columbia, the first person he embraced (after his wife, Michelle) was Tenenbaum.
Tenenbaum is Obama's Consumer Safety Pick (by James Rosen and Gina Smith, McClatchy Newspapers)
Obama's Weird Choice for CSPC (by Stephanie Mencimer, Mother Jones)
The Royal Tenenbaum (by Howard Fineman, Newsweek)
Inez Tenenbaum, State Superintendent of Education (PBS Online Newshour profile)