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"Wait, Is This a Date?" Podcast Episode 108: First Dates
By Drew Gregory
This week we're joined by writer, To L and Back co-host, future TV exec, and my roommate Analyssa Lopez! We're talking about first dates — the who, the what, the where, the why, AND the how.
But before we get into our real dating lives, Christina fanfics some of our favorite queer celebs in a game of Love Triangles!
GO LISTEN
+ One gay kiss wasn't enough to get Nine Perfect Strangers higher than #42 in my Nicole Kidman ranking.
+ Love Triangle celebs pulled from Christina's ever-delightful No Filter column.
+ Christina and I talked more about first dates when we were on Bad with Money.
+ Analyssa's crush of the week glowing on TikTok.
+ Also a fun anecdote about Jessica Chastain: I saw her do a Q&A after a screening for Molly's Game and she was so poised and comfortable and fake but in an impressive good way. I had the thought, I bet Jessica Chastain never struggles to send an email. And since then whenever I'm writing a business-y email I just say to myself, You're Jessica Chastain. You're Jessica Chastain. Works pretty well.
+ Here's my interview with Isabel Sandoval and here are her films on the Criterion Channel.
+ Did you hear the news? The morning news? Christina is recapping The Morning Show.
Christina: One of my first date moves is guaranteeing not asking any questions. I will come back from a date and my friends would be like, "How was it? What do they do? Where do they live?" And I'll be like, "No idea. I got nothing." I don't know what I converse about on dates, but it's never any relevant information that anybody would want to hear on a follow up, because I'm always like, oh yeah, I'm sure they have a job. I don't know what it is.
Theme song plays
Drew: Hi, I'm Drew.
Christina: I'm Christina.
Drew: And welcome to, Wait, Is This a Date?
Christina: Wait, Is This a Date? is an Autostraddle podcast dedicated to answering the age old question: wait, is this a date?
Drew: Every day we get more and more clarity and learn more and more how to communicate with one another and our community.
Christina: Wow. That was so beautiful and touching.
Drew: Thanks.
Christina: And also so lightly robotic in a way that I really appreciated.
Drew: Great. Going for like queer cult. Yeah.
Christina: Yeah. Okay. Because you've watched, how much? You finished Nine Perfect Strangers yesterday?
Drew: I did. I watched it all in one day. Well, plus the last episode was the morning after, while I built my new bookshelf. It was a real successful… that's exactly how much focus should be given to that television program.
Christina: So you're just not coming at us from a well space, because you were in a cult.
Drew: Yeah, that was a few days ago. It's not good enough to really have messed with me too much. But you know what? Sometimes bad television is necessary, especially when it stars a lot of stars. Oh, we should talk about who we are.
Christina: Oh yeah. Right.
Drew: We usually do that.
Christina: Here we are talking about Nine Perfect Strangers, a TV show no one cares about.
Drew: Okay, well my name is Drew Gregory. I'm a writer for Autostraddle. I'm a filmmaker, I'm a trans person, I'm a lesbian person. Yeah. And I do love Nicole Kidman.
Christina: Incredible work. I'm Christina Tucker. Also a writer for Autostraddle, I am a lesbian person and also thankful that The Morning Show is back in my life because it's really been, well, ruining it, but in a good way. We love bad television!
Drew: Yeah. That's some good bad television. That's excellent. Yeah.
Christina: Chef's kiss. Chef's kiss.
Drew: Well, should we get into our game?
Christina: I am so excited to figure out, what's coming from your little brain today?
Drew: Okay.
Christina: What horrors have you created?
Drew: So this game is called Love Triangles.
Christina: Oh boy.
Drew: And you'll see that I have a hat here. Okay?
Christina: Okay.
Drew: And inside the hat are pieces of paper that have 10 reoccurring people who show up on Christina's No Filter column, which is dedicated to celebrity gossip and Instagram posts. And then there's your name and my name. And I'm going to pick three names out of this hat, and you're going to put on your brilliant Christina fanfic cap, and just tell me what the love triangle would be between those three individuals.
Christina: Wow. Okay. I'm going to take a sip of Diet Coke and I'm going to be ready for this.
Drew: Yeah. What the dynamic would be. Okay. So you see—
Christina: I love that you put things in a hat. It's so physical.
Drew: Yeah. I love it. I mean, it's a podcast, so no one can really trust, but I promise that, one, I'm not looking. Two, it's all random. Okay. Ready?
Christina: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Drew: Okay. So the first name is Tessa Thompson.
Christina: Iconic.
Drew: Hayley Kiyoko.
Christina: Mm.
Drew: And Rosie O'Donnell.
Christina: Now this is interesting, because what the fuck are those three people doing together? My gut is saying that Tessa and Rosie are probably going to be our main primary triangle moments here, because I feel like that's really the only plausible way to approach this fucking trolley ass problem of a love triangle that you've given me. So I feel like they, I don't know, met at a party, Tessa was feeling wild. She was like, "It's Rosie O'Donnell. I'm going to hook up with Rosie O'Donnell because why the hell not?" That seems like her energy.
Drew: Absolutely.
Christina: I do think Hayley was entered into this triangle because maybe she's had a crush on Tessa for a while and they met at some function. And I don't think Tessa is in any way, like, "oh, I can't date her." She's just like, "yeah, we can vibe, we can hang." But I think Hayley's a little hung up on like, "wait, but you hooked up with Rosie O'Donnell, the Rosie O'Donnell? How did that happen?"
Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Christina: I don't think there's any actual tension in this triangle. I think there is just a little insecurity and some concern.
Drew: I see.
Christina: I don't know how we're solving it because again, I just feel like Tessa just absolutely vibes out. She's going to be like, I got to go hang out with Rita Ora and Tayo Otiti at some point, so catch you lates. But I do think, I don't know, maybe at the end it ends with Hayley and Rosie bonding at some sort of brunch.
Drew: Oh, I love that.
Christina: Like, yeah, man. This is generational lesbians. This is like, we're passing the torch. I think that could be really beautiful, honestly.
Drew: That is beautiful.
Christina: That is also so chaotic.
Drew: Yeah. Let's move on to the next random trio.
Drew: Okay. So it is Niecy Nash.
Christina: Waiting for that one.
Drew: Hunter Schafer.
Christina: Uh-huh (affirmative).
Drew: And Holland Taylor.
Christina: Well, now.
Drew: Wow.
Christina: Huh. Yet again you have placed me in a challenging scenario. Now, I mean, I guess it's like, we have to start with Holland and Niecy. I don't know what's happening here. Both are in very happy relationships.
Drew: Yeah.
Christina: I don't know if anybody knows that Niecy Nash is absolutely obsessed with her wife, but she is, and I'm sure she's posted at least six times today about that fact.
Drew: Look, sometimes love triangles are unrequited.
Christina: I think it's going to have to be, but I feel like it's unrequited in every fucking direction. What is Hunter Schafer doing here? Hunter Schafer is like a dang teenager just vibing.
Drew: Early twenties. Just want to clarify.
Christina: I said what I said. That's the same age. Jenna from The Office, it's the same picture. Come on. This one, I might have to throw the towel in on. I genuinely don't understand.
Drew: Okay. We can also put the names back in. Wait, let me put Hunter Schafer back in.
Christina: Yeah.
Drew: And we going to do—
Christina: Pull me something else. I can make something happen with Niecy and Holland. I don't know what, it's very dramatic.
Drew: Oh. Okay. This is a very interesting trio. Gillian Anderson.
Christina: Oh. Now, Gillian, famously semi freshly single, has a dog, also true. She's no longer dating the man from The Crown that made her be Margaret Thatcher, which I think is probably for the best. Now, hmm. See, I feel like someone's just going to have to have feelings for Niecy in the corner because she's just doing her thing.
Drew: That's a really good point. That's a great point.
Christina: She's just doing her thing. I think Holland and Sarah, I don't know, they can get freaky. There could be maybe, maybe they invite Gillian over for drinks. Maybe things get a little spicy. Who could say? Maybe Niecy comes with Jessica. Maybe Jessica leaves early. Maybe there's feelings on all sides. Again, I don't know really what's happening because I can't imagine most of these people in the same space together. It's thrilling to think about, for me personally. I'll spend a lot of time thinking about it later. Now, though?
Drew: Yeah. It can definitely be an orgy moment with the partners involved, like celebrate Gillian Anderson being single.
Christina: I think that might be it. I think they might have gotten together and been like, let's get this noted bisexual into some puss. I think that could be incredible.
Drew: Wow. What a remarkable fivesome that would be. Okay. Moving on.
Christina: Also, can I just ask one question about the hat? Is it like a news boy cap?
Drew: It is. I don't have like a… It's a pretty shallow hat, but I don't have a lot of hats. So it is—
Christina: I'm glad the one that you have is a newsboy cap.
Drew: It's a little newsboy cap. Yeah. I think I pull it off sometimes.
Christina: You have the hair for it. I believe it.
Drew: Okay. Demi Lovato.
Christina: Incredible.
Drew: Christina Tucker. And Cara Delevingne.
Christina: Interesting. Now this is interesting. Because working myself into here is not something I usually do. I don't usually write reader fic because that's—
Drew: I know.
Christina: Embarrassing.
Drew: Well let's embarrass you.
Christina: Let's embarrass me. So Cara's had some sort of gathering, right, at her bonkers house with the vagina tunnel and all of the Leo statues in the backyard, that's what's happening. I think Demi has decided that they will attend, but is maybe still a little nervous about going to a party at this lunatic lesbian's house because famously, substance issues are tough. A party at Cara's house is going to get weird quickly. There's a whole room that's just a ball pit. I don't understand what's going on there. And I famously don't love parties or people. So I feel like maybe Demi and I have connected in some sort of quiet people zone. My gut feels like Cara just wants to start some shit and just tries to get in between that in some way, just for the drama sake of it all. Brings her sex bench energy to this because, why not cause chaos, if you can? Also a Leo, she's going to be like, hello, why is the attention not on me?
Drew: So the question that I have is Cara breaking up your and Demi's beautiful by going for you or going for Demi? Which one of you strays?
Christina: And that's what I can't… Hmm. Hmm. My gut feels like I have to say Demi, but that's only because I don't feel like I would do that. And I feel kind of bad saying that Demi would do that, again, a person I do not know and will probably never know. But maybe because I'm not doing that.
Drew: Yeah. But I feel like you're loyal out of laziness. So I don't know if you have to feel bad about it.
Christina: Absolutely. That's a notorious motto, be lazy because it's easy.
Christina: Hello.
Christina: Yeah. And I also think Cara would exhaust me.
Drew: Yeah. That's probably true. I'd love to see it though.
Christina: Oh sure. I could be tired for like a weekend. I could be tired for like a weekend or two.
Drew: Okay. This is the last one. It is Kiki Palmer.
Christina: Fun.
Drew: Hunter Schafer, who was put back in the hat because of age differences. And me. Wow. I love that I'm a part of this. What? Happy birthday to me.
Christina: Okay. So Drew is in love with both Kiki Palmer and Hunter Schafer. That's where we're starting.
Drew: Of course.
Christina: I don't really know where we're ending from there because that just seems like what's going to happen. See, Kiki has this, what I love about Kiki Palmer, one of the many things I love about Kiki Palmer, is the fact that she is 27 years old and has the energy of a 45 year old Black woman at all moments of the day. I think it's incredible to have such huge auntie energy at her young age. And I just feel like in a love triangle scenario, she'd be like, "Oh no, I'm a child of God. I got to go. This is not for me. Y'all do what you need to do, but I am all set with this." So perhaps you and Kiki have hooked up in the past and now Hunter has entered the scene and Hunter's like, Ooh, I got a crush on this person. And perhaps Kiki is just like, yeah, I'm letting it go.
Drew: Wait, Hunter has a crush on me? Not Kiki?
Christina: Of course.
Drew: Oh, thank you. Wow.
Christina: Come on.
Drew: Wow. What a world, where I'm hooking up with Kiki Palmer. And then that has to end because I start dating Hunter Schafer.
Christina: I mean what a world in which I'm too lazy to cheat on Demi Lovato. There's a lot of worlds that we're going through.
Christina: Yeah. But I think you guys definitely vibe, but I think it ends because Hunter is like, mm, I want to do more with my life. I want to get out there and experience some shit. She's young.
Drew: I mean, I know. That's fine.
Christina: I know. And Kiki's like, if anybody wants to come over on Sunday for brunch, you're welcome.
Drew: Oh, so Kiki and I stay friends?
Christina: I think everybody stays friends in this scenario.
Drew: Oh, that's nice. That's nice. Ok, I like that
Christina: I don't think there's actual hurt feelings. I think everyone's like, yeah, growth. It needs to happen.
Drew: Yeah. That's great. I love this. Well, this was a pleasure. Thank you for playing with me.
Christina: Thank you for, I'm calling this The Newsboy Cap game.
Drew: Great. Move over Love Triangles. It's now a Newsboy Cap.
Christina: Yeah. No, that was really fun.
Drew: I'm so glad. Well, I think it's time that we get into our main topic of the week with our very special guest. So our topic this week is first dates, and, very special guest, do you want to introduce yourself?
Analyssa: I do. Thank you for asking. I'm Analyssa and I am the co-host of Autostraddle's To L and Back podcast with Drew and with Riese. So when Drew and Christina did their intro, I had to bite my tongue to not say, "I'm Analyssa!" Which is usually my intro.
Christina: You did a great job, and I thank you're honored to hear it, truly.
Analyssa: Yeah. I help co-host the To L and Back podcast, I've written a few things for Autostraddle. I work at a TV studio, so the Love Triangles game felt very specially made for my presence also. Long time listener, first time caller.
Analyssa: Et cetera, et cetera. Hello everyone.
Drew: And also, my roommate. So actually, we are recording this separately for sound purposes, but we are in rooms with a wall between us.
Christina: It's really beautiful stuff. And I love this synergy, this Autostraddle cross promotional jargon.
Analyssa: It's a little bit like, did I get on the pod because of nepotism? Like kind of.
Christina: Yes. But in fairness to you, all of our guests have gotten on the pod so far because of nepotism. So?
Drew: Ana, can I ask you something publicly on this podcast? As I reference the wall in between our rooms. I can't use my vibrator while people are home, right? Our walls are too thin. Or have you not heard? Have you not heard it?
Analyssa: I've heard one sex noise from your room.
Drew: Okay. Once isn't bad.
Christina: Well, now I have some follow up questions. Just one lone sex noise? Or was it a continued rumble of a vibrator?
Analyssa: No, I just mean one instance.
Christina: Gotcha.
Drew: Okay. I can live with that.
Analyssa: And we can talk about that offline because I think I know when it was, so if you have more questions we can chat.
Drew: Cool.
Christina: I would love to be involved.
Drew: Yeah. Christina, you can come.
Christina: Also happy to mail anybody some sort of white noise machine, I think could also do wonders.
Drew: I was going to, because I have a quieter vibrator. Anyways, this can all be worked out later, but it did seem like a fun thing to ask publicly since I have been mildly mortified, not mortified. We all masturbate, not all of us, but maybe all, I don't know. A lot of us, it's fine. It's normal. But it also like, I want to be a respectful roommate.
Analyssa: Sure. You seem super fine and normal about this.
Drew: Cool. Let's talk about first dates.
Christina: Absolutely, let's talk about first dates. As we were thinking of things to talk about for this. I was like, first dates, of my lack of liking to date. The thing I do the most is go on first dates and then not do anything else. So I felt like this was a good combo. Also, it seems a little bonkers that we haven't had a first date convo yet on the pod. So I want to know what everybody's ideal first date is.
Analyssa: That's a great question. I was just going to say in your defense, there was a, and still continues to be, I personally call it a pandemonium. I know from listening to the pod that Christina calls it a Paul Blart, Mall Cop. Sometimes I call it a pon de replay.
Christina: I love a pon de replay. I've called it a Pottery Barn a couple of times
Analyssa: A Panda Express sometimes.
Christina: I love a Panda Express.
Analyssa: So there hasn't been a lot of first dating.
Christina: There really hasn't. There really hasn't. Who would like to answer my question first?
Drew: I can. So my ideal first date is a date that starts off… It's less of a specific, "Oh, I want to be here and do this thing." But it is a first date that starts off as a casual day date that then morphs into a classic lesbian 12-hour date, 24-hour date, long weekend. I love the idea that you go in with these very mild expectations. And then somehow you end up before sunrise, all over the city.
Christina: I'm glad that you got the 'before sunrise' portion in before I did because that's exactly where I was going.
Drew: I know myself.
Christina: It is not surprising to me that that is your ideal first-date energy. Just absolutely bonding, vibing all over the place, having feelings, having chemistry. I imagine there's some cute make-outs tucked around on that first afternoon wandering the cities.
Drew: Oh no, I think it'd be more in keeping with before sunrise. Let's say the date's 12 hours, I think it's taking eight to get to a kiss.
Christina: See? Now, I just don't have that kind of time. I mean, in the words of the great Ursula, I'm a very busy woman and I haven't got all day. I just feel like, what are we doing here? I think it's amazing though, that you would want to spend that long with a person, ever.
Drew: Yeah. Ana, what's your ideal first date?
Analyssa: I really wanted to quote Miss Congeniality when she said—
Christina: And who didn't?
Analyssa: "My idea… " Also iconic Demi Lovato, "My favorite dish is mugs," whatever, it's fine. I personally try to build in an option for a second activity if it's going well. So it's sort of what Drew's saying, but less slow burn, beautiful romance and more garbage rat, let's go be idiots somewhere. I would love to do a drinks-ish in the six to 8:00 PM range. And then I'd try to pick a location that has a fun, easy food thing near it. So we could go to a diner for pancakes at nine if we're vibing and having fun. We could go walk down the street and get shawarma. It's good because there's an out if you are hungry and you don't want to keep hanging out with the person. You can be like, "I really have to go. I've got to get some food," and then you're near a place that's fun. But if you're liking the person, then you're near a place that has food and you can go together.
Christina: I like that. I love a built-in stop time more so than a… I just love having an absolute… I love having a hard out, much like a meeting. "We're going to have to have this wrapped in an hour and a half because I've got to go." Granted, it can be a flexible hard-out, depending on again, the vibe. Rarely am I going to be like, "Ooh, I want to vibe all the way to a second location with someone." But I will if the vibe is right. Be happy to be like, "Oh, we got drinks, let's get food." I'm also famously lazy, so we're going to a place that has good drinks and food. I'm not traveling to do something else. No, no. But if it's good, we could hang out for maybe longer than an hour and a half. Who can say?
Christina: But I do like having a built-in emergency parachute in case the vibes are, "Ooh." Sometimes the vibes are bleh.
Analyssa: Sometimes the vibes are bleh.
Christina: Even if the lead-up is good, you get in person and you're like, "Something went left. I don't know what, but we've gone left somehow."
Drew: Yeah. I think for me, I'm just always like, well, if it's not going well, I can always be like, oh, well I have to go. This was fun. Once the first activity, be it, you have a drink or you finish your meal or you finish walking around the museum or whatever it is, you can just leave.
Christina: Yeah. Why does my gut feel like Drew is more activity-based in a date? I feel like you want to do a thing more so than have a drink or just go get a drink. I feel like Drew is like, "I want to go experience an art or do a thing."
Analyssa: You've hit the nail on the head.
Drew: That used to really be my thing. That used to really be like… I was actually talking to Analyssa about this yesterday, that when I was in college, museum dates were my thing. And the reasoning behind it was, if the date doesn't go well, at least I've gotten to go to a museum. And two, I was a student in college, obviously. And so museums were mostly free or heavily discounted. Also, when you walk around a museum, there's so much stimulus that there's always something to joke about, talk about. So if it's going well, the art around enhances it and if it's not going well, it's not that awkward because you can just look at art quietly. Or one time I did wander pretty far off into the exhibit solo, and then we met back up. There was a lot of flexibility, but I think as I've gotten older, it does just become a thing where that can be a lot of investment. I think my dating has become a lot more "normal." And since I do tend to just get a drink or I don't know. I really love a walk-around though. We talked about this on Bad With Money of meet in a park and just have a park hang or just… I don't know. I went on a date in Cincinnati. We just met at a coffee shop, but then it was like, oh, she was from Cincinnati and I wasn't. And so then we just walked around and I got to see the city through this person's… I don't know. I do think what I describe as my dream date, I tend to manufacture it and make it happen. I mean, it doesn't usually go before sunrise level because usually I'm not in love with someone.
Christina: Sure.
Drew: Analyssa just gave a skeptical look that I'm usually not in love with someone.
Christina: I briefly held mine back. I thought that was good friendship was.
Drew: No. Yeah, I can be roasted whenever. But yeah, so I do like an activity and I do think I'd like to do that more than I maybe was doing pre-pandemic dating-wise. I've really gotten to a boring zone of getting drinks.
Christina: This is huge Venus and Sag energy, really, leaping from the page and by page, I mean the Zoom. But hello, we all understand. Yeah, I do understand that, the desire to at least have some fail safe built in for the awkward feeling if a date isn't going well, and you're just sitting at a bar, morosely looking at someone who is boring you. That is kind of tough. What I was going to say about the museum ideas, it's very easy to lose somebody in a museum. It's a big spot. "Oh, I don't know where you went. Whoops." I don't think I would actually do that, it seems like, even for me, a little too mean, but a possibility.
Analyssa: I think what I've learned from Drew telling me about the museum dates is that Drew and I have different anxieties because if I were walking quietly with someone in a museum, the whole time my brain would be going, "Do they not like me? Are we not having fun? Are we having fun? Are they just interested in this art or are they not interested in me?" There's just a lot more going on.
Christina: I think I have similar brain space. I'd be like, "This isn't actually clear to me."
Analyssa: Yeah, to be confused about, whereas if I'm at a bar or a coffee shop or a park or a restaurant, I can tell if we're vibing. And if someone is boring, look, above all, I'm my own best friend. And I can vibe with me endlessly. If we're not clicking, I'm going to try to make it short. But I still am going to finish my coffee that I've ordered. And while we're doing that, I'm going to get some jokes off. I'm going to practice my tight five for a little bit. It's been a while since I've met a new person. I'm going through my thing. And sometimes that works on people and sometimes it doesn't.
Christina: Wow. I can't imagine. I had a friend who had a very similar energy who was like, "Even if I go on a bad date, I'm still on a date with myself. I absolutely rock. I'm having the time of my life," which I think is a really admirable energy to bring into a space.
Drew: Yeah. I mean, I've definitely been on dates where I leave the date and I go, "Well, that wasn't good, but they're going to be obsessed with me because I was killing it. I was so funny. I was so charming, and they gave me nothing." And then those people reach out and are like, "Oh my God, I had the best time." And I'm like, "Yeah, no shit. You had a good time, but I don't want to see you again."
Christina: Yes, that has happened.
Analyssa: Where's everyone meeting their date prospects? I know we've again been in an aforementioned pon de replay, but when you're on the dating scene, where are you guys getting your… Split a pie chart for me. Where are your dates mostly coming from?
Christina: I would say in the olden days, probably mostly various dating apps. When I would meet people that I would date who were acquaintances or friends of friends, we would always have some meeting-at-a-party moment, which was fine and fun. But for the most part, I think that classic first date experience to me is very much tied in with, also we've been messaging on whatever platform and I'm like, "Okay, let's pick it up. Let's meet in a space, in real space."
Analyssa: Okay. Drew, you answered my question. I'm the host.
Christina: I love being interviewed.
Analyssa: I'm the podcast host now.
Christina: Yeah, I feel like we've just been Captain Phillips-d, it's incredible.
Analyssa: Literally, I'm the captain now. Okay Drew, you go. And then I have a question for Christina.
Drew: Okay. So I would say that if you looked at the pie chart, the majority of my first dates have come from dating apps. But if quality was taken into account, I would say that the majority of my best dates were from people who I met either through mutual friends, at a house party, love a house party, love meeting someone at a house party, and then going on a date a week later, that is the best. Or Instagram flirting, leading to dates. But numbers-wise, dating apps. And I've had some good dates from dating apps, but that's also where I have most of my boring dates.
Christina: Yeah. That's where most of the flops are located also.
Analyssa: Okay. So then for both of you, what's the length of time you talk to someone before you pitch an in-person date?
Christina: I used to be like, "Oh, we could just message and that's it." No, I am 32 years old. I'm not doing that anymore. If we're vibing, if your text style is not exhausting me via the messaging app, here's my number, let's plan a date. Let's go. Can we move it forward, which has been helpful because who just has the time? Who has the time to be constantly messaging? And once you fall into that constantly messaging space, I feel like some of that urgency is lost. And that's the fun part of a first date. Like, ooh, I can't wait to meet this person. But now it's like, oh, I don't know. I'm just texting somebody on a different platform. We'll get to it. So now I'm like, let's go. Try to make this happen.
Drew: Yeah. I've been on a similar journey, especially with dating apps where I think with dating apps now, it's more like one conversation, I'm ready. I mean, during the pandemic, it's been a little bit different. But even then it's been one conversation, phone call. One conversation, FaceTime, ideally, if that's the vibe. I don't know. But also during the pandemic, when it's not been on dating apps, I've been really slow burn just because it was like, well, why? You know? And it's just fun to have. I mean, as I've talked about on this podcast, it's fun to have people on Instagram who you're flirting with and whatever. So it was a year before I asked for a FaceTime date from the person who I'm dating now. And we were just Instagram flirting. But then in contrast to one of the people who I went on a date with in Cincinnati from a dating app, it was like, "What are you doing?" They're like, "This is fun. What are you doing tomorrow?" And then, so… What about you?
Christina: I would like you to answer your own questions, madam. Turning the tables back.
Analyssa: I'm not taking questions at this time, sorry. No, I think we all have… I'm surprised actually. I didn't think we would all have such similar answers.
Christina: Great minds.
Analyssa: But I think I am similar. I think I am less discerning about the vibe over text or I'm trying to be, because Drew has heard a lot of this just as my friend and roommate.
Christina: I can't wait to hear it.
Analyssa: But if I look back at the past things that have worked both off dating apps and on dating apps, dates and relationships and whatever, it falls into this bantery, constant texts all the time thing, which is really fun and something I enjoy having. But also I'm a Sagittarius, so I will get obsessed with doing that because it's fun. And then three weeks later, I will hate it with every fiber of my being. I will be so annoyed that I have to continue texting someone.
Christina: Sagittarius and their inability to text, that's really something.
Analyssa: Yeah. And I also have ADHD. So we're really in a perfect storm for me to be like, "Yes, I will text you every two minutes, three texts in a row, but only for a couple of weeks. Get it while it lasts."
Christina: Get it while the gettin's good.
Analyssa: Exactly. And so I'm trying to be less attached to that style of texting must be happening in the dating app for me to go meet someone because I don't know, I have friends who don't text in the same manner that I do, and we're friends. You know what I mean?
Analyssa: It takes all kinds. I think I'm, from what the two of you have said, trying to be a little more like, "If we exchange four messages on an app and I don't think you're the most boring person alive, I don't know, let's go hang out for an hour. Let's just see if it works."
Christina: So what you're saying is, you're trying to be open and receptive to meeting new people and having new experiences?
Analyssa: Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Christina: What some might call the point of dating? That's huge.
Analyssa: That is sort of what I'm saying.
Christina: Huge.
Drew: I want to talk about day dates versus night dates, and how we feel because I know some people can be very anti day-date.
Christina: I think I was for a while, but in my elderly ages now, I feel like I am less. I'm better in the day, frankly. I'm not great at night. I'm really good in the day. So a day date is very fine with me. But definitely when I was younger, I was like, "A date during the day? Harrowing, who could do such a thing?"
Analyssa: Yeah. I think there's this conception that only night dates can be romantic. There's something about the image of a dark bar or under street lights or dark and broody, and smoochy is the vibe. And day dates don't really feel like that. There's a lot of overhead light normally, but I don't know. I think it's also, I'm also trying to come around on those. I mean, one thing about me personally is that I stopped drinking about a year ago, so that has changed too, what I think of what a date must be. Because it used to be like we'd go to a bar and I'd have two beers and that's it. But then sometimes you have two beers and again, I'm my own best friend. You're really just vibing with yourself, it's hard to stop that from happening. And on day dates, I actually find it much easier to be a person who is engaging and listening to the other person. And we're having actual conversations instead of thinking about what will happen next. I've sort of moved up the hours of my dates is what I'm trying to say. I'm more open to a window — you know how on Hinge you can change your date age range? My date range has shifted a little bit, I think.
Christina: Has shifted?
Analyssa: Yeah.
Christina: Yeah. How about you, Drew?
Drew: Yeah. So I find that day dates are a lot more challenging and a lot more anxiety-provoking, and I mean some of that's probably sobriety of I don't generally drink during the day and if I ask someone to have a day date, alcohol is probably not going to be involved, whereas if it's at night, it's a lot more likely that I will be drinking. And so I think why I like day dates is that anxiety mixed with being sober.
Analyssa: You just pitched this as, "So this is really tough and actually that's why I love it."
Drew: Well, I think it can be hard if I'm going on a lot of dates, it can be challenging, but what I've learned is that dates can be awkward and that is not bad. And so when I accepted that, I honestly don't get that nervous anymore and I don't really have that big of a problem. If I'm sitting across from someone at a coffee shop, or in a park, or wherever and there's silence.
Analyssa: Oh, Drew has a really good move on this, actually.
Drew: Yeah, I just will sit, and I'll just make eye contact, and smile a little bit, and it's genuine. I genuinely just have gotten to a place where I'm like, it is fine that we have stopped talking because we just met each other, so we're still learning how we communicate. And so the fact that there is this silence while one of us thinks of what we want to talk about next isn't a sign of failure or lack of connection, it's just part of it being a first date. And usually what happens is the other person gets a little bit giggly because I'm just sitting there confidently smiling and okay being quiet. It didn't start as a flirt move but I realized that it actually really works. It's a flirty move.
Christina: Yeah, this totally tracks.
Drew: It's just genuinely being like, I'm comfortable even though this is awkward, those aren't antithetical to each other. So you can be comfortable.
Christina: That's really beautiful, honestly.
Analyssa: I think the first time Drew told me about this move, again, not a planned one, but about this turning into a opportunity for a flirty moment, you were saying there's some responses too that if you want to increase the flirtiness, you can be like, "You look so cute," or whatever you want to toss in there. It's fun. I have a few — not moves, but things tucked in my back pocket that I like to do if a date is going well, or I'd like to amp it up, or whatever, and that's a good one to add to a—
Christina: That was actually going to be a followup I asked, does everybody have a first date move? I don't know that I do. One of my first date moves is guaranteeing not asking any questions. I will come back from a date and my friends will be like, "How was it? What do they do? Where do they live?" And I'll be like, "No idea. I got nothing." I don't know what I converse about on dates, but it's never any relevant information that anybody would want to hear on a followup because I'm always like oh man, I'm sure they have a job. I don't know what it is.
Drew: Oh, wow.
Analyssa: But that's kind of nice though, because I think I tend toward trying to ask people questions so that I can seem engaged, but I then think sometimes it ends up feeling like, did I just interview this person? Did we just do an informational meeting instead of a flirty thing?
Christina: I always worry that I just did a 45 minute bit and left, and I was like I don't know what just happened. Did they say anything? It's highly possible they didn't.
Analyssa: You guys were just improv partners for 45 minutes. Yeah, I have a couple of moves, et cetera. I have some standard outfits. I think that's important to just have a shirt, or a pair of pants, or a pair of shoes, or an earring that you just love and know looks good on you, and if you put them on, you're going to feel like hot shit. That's not really a move on the date, but just generally. This is so crazy. This is so crazy that I'm admitting this, not the tip is crazy. I try to sit at the bar or somewhere, depending on where we go, arrange myself so that we will be sitting close enough to touch. This is why I don't usually do meals on dates because you sit across the table, there's not a lot of opportunity for playful, like oh my God — you can't see what I'm doing with my hand — oh my God, leaning into someone.
Christina: I knew in my heart exactly what you were doing with your hand. I was like I know that.
Analyssa: Like a hand on someone's knee or arm, or "oh my God, no!" That kind of stuff. You know what I mean.
Christina: I know exactly what you mean.
Analyssa: And I've found that really helps me because one of my love languages is physical touch, so I like to be connected in that way. And I like to just think about a couple of things I have going on in my life that are fun and interesting when I get to a date, just to remember that I'm a cool person who has topics to talk about. You don't need a note card, but just the last movie you watched that you thought was really fun or I don't know, anything that you can pivot if you're stuck and be like, "Oh, that reminds me." That's not really a "is the date going well, let's ramp it up," it's just how to remain normal for me on a date.
Christina: I love how to remain normal. It's just a concept, a vibe. I was thinking that, especially in that sitting at a bar scenario, if the date is going well, there absolutely will be a moment where I'm like oh, it's time to reorganize myself, and now I am facing this person in a more direct way. I'm probably doing some sort of slutty leg cross. That's definitely a move.
Analyssa: Yeah, if we're sitting at a bar and the date is going well, I will turn my whole body towards you and put my leg on the rung of your bar stool. Do you know what I mean? My leg is now near or under you, which is like I've leaned in, here I am. That's ideal.
Christina: Yeah, that's the good move.
Analyssa: I can remember a couple of times that I've pulled this and I've been like yeah, that works. That was good.
Christina: Just hook, line, and sinker, baby. Drew, what are your moves? Tell us your moves.
Drew: Well okay, so other than the one I said, I don't know if I have any, because the other thing about me is that, as I've talked about on this podcast, I was in a relationship when I transitioned and then broke up with that person in early 2019, and then I basically had a year of dating before the pandemic happened. So so much of my dating experience was skewed through pre-transition, and I was in college, and so both of those things together, I have to split my brain, because I was about to say that I don't go into first dates with really any expectation of anything physical, which I think is still true, but I think statistically, it has changed a bit more. But I think if I'm going on a date, not like "oh, this is very clearly a hookup," which I think, even if it's your first time meeting, it is a slightly different dynamic, but a proper date, I would say I still, even since 2019, it mostly does not get sexual, meaning even we don't kiss. And I think I like to have the date, and unless it goes really well, unless it is a magical all day and night, et cetera, thing, but even I've had those and we still haven't kissed. I think, this is so weird, but if I'm choosing to be slutty, then I can be slutty. I can go over to someone's place before I've met them and we can have sex. But if I'm on a date, I think there's just a different energy for me, and I'm cautious for things to get physical.
Christina: This actually coincides with you're "I don't sext with people that I haven't already had sex with." This is a similar energy. I mean I will say that I mean if I can swing a make-out, I'm going to swing a make-out. I definitely have a go-to lip stain that is non-transferable. If we can have one, we're going to have one, but I have often had many a date where I'm like yeah, everything was good. We did not make out though, or there was not any kissing, but we are going to go on another date. I have definitely done that. So yeah, I don't know that it's as delineated for me as it is for you, but I understand that energy.
Analyssa: I always kiss on a first date, unless it is so clear that it — with the caveats of as long as the other person wants to kiss me.
Drew: Sure, of course.
Analyssa: But unless it's going so clearly in the direction of we are not going to see each other again, I physically need to know, my body is like okay, so what are we going to do with this information if we don't know how the kiss goes? And this is another move that I have in a date is I will mention that casually. I can't really think of an example of how I've done that.
Christina: That was going to be my followup.
Analyssa: I simply don't know, but I know that I have many times been like, "Yeah, because I always kiss on a first date, ha ha ha." And then at the end, it's like, "So are we doing that or what's going on?" If I make it about me, then there's a really easy, not pressuring someone to kiss me at the end of the date because I don't make it like a wrestling championship belt that I wear into dates, to be clear, but it does sometimes, just over the course of things, come up.
Drew: Yeah. Okay, so another move of mine, which this is something I also really recommend people do if they're getting trapped in this Tinder, "Hey, what's up? How you doing?" stuff is be sexual. Not in a creepy way, but bring up sex. That's something that I think works for me a lot because I think I am always very uptight about seeming creepy or being too forward is that I won't talk about the other person sexually, I will just talk generally about sex, which because I write about sex often, there is a easy pivot from what do I do as a career to talking about sex. Also, I don't recommend talking about your ex if there's still feelings or complicated whatever, or if it's sad, or abusive, or traumatic, or whatever, but I do think that the stereotype that lesbians go on dates and talk about their trauma, and also their six exes, that can be pivoted in a way that I think actually really works, which is if you talk about relationship history, it can very easily get into sex, very easily get into what you're into. I don't know, I think that is my way of first broaching those things as opposed to it being me speaking sexually about us.
Christina: Yeah. I do think for me, the transition to being a person who went for the first kiss more was that I would leave dates and be like I think that was good, but I don't really know. And a good or bad kiss is a very clear way of being like, I do not want to see this person again, or I do want to see this person again, or at least helping me decide what context in which I want to see that person again.
Analyssa: Yeah, or even sometimes I've had an awkward kiss after a date that I thought was really good, and I've gone home and been like okay, I want to try that again though. I want to figure it out. A bad kiss can end something that was on the fence of maybe I'll go on another date, but it can also cement oh, maybe I do want to do more of that just to see if we can figure it out, because I like them.
Christina: Right, we're in the information gathering stage. Here we are, and for me, a person who likes to have sex, allegedly, I think, I used to anyway.
Analyssa: Reportedly.
Christina: Rumor has it. That is a part of the fact finding mission that we're on on this date. Maybe I should just call dates fact finding missions.
Drew: I like that. I think the big shift for me that made my relationship to dating be a lot healthier and just more fun was when I stopped going into dates thinking about whether I wanted a second date, I tried to save that for later, thinking about dating as, I'm going to meet this person, and I get to meet a new person, and taking pleasure in that, and not going in thinking oh my God, are they going to like me? Or oh my God, am I going to like them? And obviously, it's hard, especially if it's a date with someone who you are really into theoretically or whatever, but we really never know what people are meant to be for us. And I think that's why so many of my closest friends, I've met because we went on a date or whatever, and then nothing happened but then just stayed friends, because I went into it being not oh my God, is this person going to be who I start dating? But oh, I get to meet a person.
Christina: Yeah, I think that is definitely a part of thinking about… I also get that oh, what's next? I get that my brain starts running with, okay, so then what does it mean in three weeks? Just wild, not even doom fantasies, but just all of these things that are probably not going to happen based on this one single interaction we've had. I don't need to go down this road of okay, six months from now, I've got these plans. Well, what is this person going to mean? How am I going to work them in? We don't need to do all that. That's just stressing me out and that's not fun for anybody.
Analyssa: Yeah, I think I have had a pretty good time of separating those out on the first date, being in the date when I'm there, but it is all that post… okay, we had a pretty good time, now what? Should I do another date? And then I start getting into what I just described, which is okay, well I could do next week, but then we're just on a weekly dating schedule. Is that how it goes? That build up between we just met and we don't know each other at all, and the next stage, which is now we are actually more comfortable in dating, I can just come over to your house for dinner type vibe. Those in-between however many weeks, months, whatever, I don't know, whatever you guys do, that's where I get a little lost sometimes.
Christina: A little lost in the weeds.
Analyssa: Yeah, a little spun around in there.
Drew: The last thing that I want to talk about is that unfortunately the pandemic isn't ending, and so I know my relationship to dating has shifted since early pandemic, when I wouldn't meet anyone, but I guess I wanted to just bring us specifically to pandemic first dates, be it virtual, be it in-person, what are we thinking? Have either of you been dating during the pandemic at all? Has things changed in the most recent months versus the first year of the pandemic?
Christina: Let's be clear, haven't gone on dates in forever, but I do think my mindset around it has shifted. Definitely first year of pandemic, I was like well, she doesn't date and she simply can't. Incredible work, me. But I do think there is now a level of comfort, and also just with understanding of more science of we can go meet out, we can grab a drink outside, we could, again, famously sit in a park. There are more outdoor activities. I also live in a city that stays pretty warm for a while, so that will be helpful were I to go on a date. And then navigating how comfortable are we being indoors and unmasked? That conversation has definitely been one that has been interesting to navigate just with friends and various circles of friend groups, and I'm not sure what that's going to look like going forward but I do think now, it does feel less stressful in the way that even thinking about meeting a new person in the last year was like no, a new human with their breathing? No, absolutely can't have that. So I do think it's probably for the best that it's like a little chiller, but it's still scary, like it's a scary world out there.
Analyssa: Yeah. I did two virtual dates last year during the time of like, people can't breathe near me or I will simply perish. And then I had this flirtation with a friend of a friend and we kind of… It was like clear that it was sort of reaching and it was like reaching a time where we had to do something or not. And so we went on a date in the park last summer and that was like, sort of Christina, I think the thing that you're getting into here like, I didn't have a ton of fun with that because it… I had fun on the date, but I mean, the planning of it, there's so many more variables to be asking about. I wish we had like a shorthand, like ASL, like age sex location, question mark, but for like "vax, masked, outdoors?" Like, what are we doing here? Because I found that it just took up a lot more logistics. So it was like, okay, are you an outside person? Do you want us to be in masks? Are you… Obviously vaccines weren't a thing then, but where should we go? That was a lot harder than just like, what neighborhood are you coming from and where should we pick to meet? I've gone on dates with two different people since July, August, two or three and it feels a little more comfortable now because there are places outside. I just kind of go in being like, I will do an outside drinks, now what? That's where we're at. So I think everyone's comfort level is still shifting and there's no…. God knows our government isn't going to tell us what we're allowed to do.
Christina: Yeah. I do think it has just helped, like having a year of learning how to have these kinds of conversations. I do think it was definitely harder the last year and now it doesn't feel as bonkers to be like, "You're vaxxed, we're all wearing masks inside and you're good to hang out outside?" I think those conversations feel less stressful than they did last year because it was like, "Ooh, what can of worms might I be opening with this conversation now?" But I do think a year of learning how to have those has helped. I'm simply not going on a virtual date, I will say that. I'm not opening another ding, dang, Zoom window as long as I live, except for this one that I'm on.
Analyssa: I will not do a virtual date unless it's like someone far away whom I'm in love with. Although I have sort of sworn that off after doing that in 2019 also. So I don't see that happening from Ana, but who knows?
Drew: So pre-vaccinated, like pre-vaccine, I went on two in-person dates, one was outside wearing masks and far apart.
Analyssa: Very Portrait of a Lady on Fire.
Drew: Yeah. The masks never came off to lead to a passionate kiss unfortunately. And then the other one was like, my roommates were gone, the person came over and watched movies inside. It was like, we decided to take that risk, whatever. And then since, I mean, I also went on so many virtual dates during that, so many. And then this past summer, I think my relationship to it is just like, I would rather have a one-on-one date with someone if I know they're vaccinated than go to a restaurant with that person even if we stay outside, stay… I think for me I'm less concerned about the risk of meeting one person, even if I don't know them super well. And I'm also not going to ask someone to show me their vaccine card. I'm just going to take someone at their word and that's just a choice that I'm making. And so I think even still as I date other people, I still would see them regularly, but also then it's the really loaded thing, right? Of like probably the most comfortable I'd be is like going to one of our places, but then that feels like very hookup energy, not very date energy. So then that's a different thing. And so then it… I don't know, I haven't… Since I got back from traveling around, I haven't been on a date in LA and the person who I'm dating is coming out to LA in a couple of weeks and so like, I'll see her, but I'm not doing a lot of dating right now. One because I'm falling in redacted, and like, so I'm just like—
Analyssa: The faces is on this Zoom just—
Drew: … but I think if there was—
Analyssa: Christina and my eyebrows were in our hairlines just now.
Drew: … but I think if there wasn't a pandemic, I would feel more at ease to go on dates with other people. But I think it's just the risk for me when I'm like, well, I'm going to see someone in a couple… I think I'm having what a lot of people had early pandemic where they're like, "ah, this pandemic has made me monogamous," where I'm like, it has… I'm still on one dating app and I'm still like, would meet up with people. But it's just all risk assessment now in a way that is even more so than regular life, so I don't know. If I'm going to go on a date with someone, I don't really… If I'm going to go on the date, I don't want it to be like, we're wearing masks and we're six feet apart. I'm sort of like either I've decided that you're worth the risk or I've decided that you're not, so that's sort of where I'm at.
Christina: Yeah. I think I would agree with that statement. I think I feel that way about people most of the time, like either you're worth the risk or you're not, like. I just usually decide not.
Analyssa: That's kind of like the policy for all dating.
Christina: Yeah. Does anyone else have any last takes on dating on first dates before we wrap this bad boy up and talk about crushes of our weeks?
Analyssa: I just want to put on record one last date move that I have, which is not about first dates, but I do really like if I think the first date went pretty well and we might like "Date" with a capital D, I like for a second date to be me offering to cook dinner at my home. I'm not a great cook, but I think it implies some commitment to the activity. I think then you can control the environment if things are going well and you want to hook up, you can do that but if not… Anyway, I always live with roommates so it doesn't really happen very often, but sometimes the stars align.
Christina: I was going to say wish that I lived in a place that I could control the environment, my God.
Drew: Ana, if you want to cook dinner for someone who you had a good first date with, I will leave for the night, I will go stay at Gaby's or stay somewhere and I'll take Alex with me. You will be alone, you'll have to house yourself.
Analyssa: That's very kind of you. Not to brag, but we do have two stories in our home, so you guys would just be relegated to the upstairs.
Drew: That's cool. That's also fine.
Christina: Yeah. I guess I could try to pull… That's just never going to happen at my chaos house, like there's no way. I would be like, "Ooh, I'm bringing somebody over for dinner," my housemates would be like "Cool, actually we're having a bonfire and there's another 10 people that are coming and also could you make a punch?" I'd be like, "What the fuck are you, oh goddammit."
Analyssa: That could be kind of fun for a date too.
Christina: Chaos house is chaos house. People love it here.
Drew: Okay. So now is the part of the show where we say who our crushes of the week are. Analyssa, do you want to start us off?
Analyssa: Yes. I know that it's part of the show and I came prepared. My crush of the week is Jessica Chastain specifically in the film by Guillermo del Toro that I watched this week, Crimson Peak.
Christina: She's got a great energy in Crimson Peak.
Analyssa: She's got an insane, like scary, incestuous energy that I was surprised that it did it for me because that sickly sort of thing is not usually for me, but it was giving very much mommy, sorry, mommy, sorry over and over. So that's me. I watched that on Wednesday and I was like, "Oh, this is what I'm going to talk about." She really got in there.
Christina: Yeah. For me, the song Ring of Keys is about her keys from Crimson Peak, so that's me, all CT. Drew, who you crush on?
Drew: My crush of the week is Isabel Sandoval who directed Lingua Franca that's on Netflix, you can watch it. I interviewed her for Autostraddle.com. So her first two movies, Señorita and Apparition are on the Criterion Channel, but when this episode comes out, they're only going to be on the Criterion Channel for two more days. So I hope… I should have done this last week, but I wasn't on top of it and so hopefully you have the time, but if you don't and you haven't seen Lingua Franca yet, that is going to still be on Netflix. And she's just like… It's just so rare because of the way that the industry works, that we have a trans woman who is an auteur and she really is, she's just very engaged in film culture. She has a hilarious Letterboxd and just like, I love her online presence and her place in film culture. And she's an incredible filmmaker and her movies are very hot, I mean, she's very much committed to being like, oh yeah, sometimes being trans is hard and also we still are horny. And I'm just like, that is my religion, so I adore her and if you haven't seen Lingua Franca, it's on Netflix and if you haven't seen Señorita and Apparition, you got two days, watch them.
Christina: Why don't you give the people an actual date of when they are leaving the Criterion in case they are not listening.
Drew: They're leaving at the end of September.
Christina: All right, good. I love that Letterboxd is just like where auteurs and critics who are really smart go to be absolute lunatics. I just love the energy of like Letterboxd reviews from people I really respect and love reading their writing. And then I read their Letterboxd reviews and I'm like, okay, absolutely, sure, go off, kings.
Analyssa: It has the vibe of Tumblr because it feels like there's only about 12 people using Letterboxd, even though that's patently not true and so people are just like, I can say anything here.
Christina: Yes. That's really incredible. My crush of the week, to be brand consistent, as you are hearing this in two short days, we will be introduced to Julianna Margulies on The Morning Show, who, as she said in her own words in a promo "happens to be a lesbian." It does feel at this point like I should sue them because clearly this is coming from my timeline, like whomst else is banging such a consistent drum about older women, specifically dark haired, older women who should be gay. She's really incredible, her vibe totally, totally different from the rest of The Morning Show, but guess what? So is everything on The Morning Show from everything else in The Morning Show. So it's fine that she's kind of well adjusted in this space of lunatics, it's incredible. I love to see her. She wears a turtleneck underneath a collar shirt with a blazer and I just feel like that is like, wow, representation does matter to me in this space. So yeah, that's my crush. Julianna, I've loved you since ER, you have a face like the sun.
Drew: Incredible. Well Analyssa, thanks so much for joining us.
Analyssa: Thank you for having me.
Drew: Can you tell people where to find you?
Analyssa: Oh sure. I'm on Twitter at @analoca_ with an underscore and I'm on Instagram at @analocaa with two A's, a true branding nightmare. Well for the next three weeks on theTo L and Back podcast, until we say goodbye to the second season of Gen Q. And sometimes I write for Autostraddle, you can find my like eight articles there if that interests you.
Christina: Until we say goodbye to another perfect season of Gen Q is I think what you meant to say.
Analyssa: So true.
Christina: No notes, because it's perfect?
Analyssa: And speaking of Letterboxd please do follow me, I'm just Analyssa on Letterboxd and I'm having a great time there.
Drew: Yeah. I feel like if you follow Analyssa on anything, Letterboxd should be the one that would make her happiest.
Analyssa: That's true.
Christina: I'm going there right now for you.
Drew: Great. Well then that's it, bye, that's the end of this podcast. So then the last thing that we want to ask you is, was this a date?
Christina: Like, were we just on a date?
Analyssa: Is there any… I'm going to ask you guys a question back since I host this podcast now also, is there any opportunity for me to kiss either of you?
Christina: I heard you and Drew are separated by one wall.
Drew: Ooh, I think if we probably shouldn't do that this early and I like to live with someone for, let's see, what did I do last time? Like a good six months before we hooked up? So I want to give it a little bit of time.
Analyssa: Let's keep it open-ended. Drew and I will kiss through this wall and then it will be confirmed a date.
Christina: Great. I'm famously on the other side of the country, so.
Drew: I want to blow you a kiss.
Analyssa: Boy on the plastic bubble, kind of kissing through the wall, now it's a date.
Drew: Beautiful. Thank you so much for listening to Wait, Is This a Date? You can find us on Twitter and Instagram @waitisthisadate and you can also email us at waitisthisadate@gmail.com.
Christina: Our theme is written by Lauren Klein. Our logo is by Maanya Dhar. And this podcast was edited, produced and mixed by Lauren Klein. You can find me online @C_GraceT on twitter.com, the website. And you can find me on Instagram @christina_gracet.
Drew: And you can find me on Twitter, Instagram, and TikTok @draw_gregory. And you can find Autostraddle on all social medias @autostraddle.
Christina: And go visit autostraddle.com because that's the reason we're all here today.
Drew: Thank you all so much and see you next week.
Christina: Yeah. We'll absolutely see you next week, and we can't wait.
Drew: Yeah, and maybe next week will be a date.
Christina: Hey, maybe it will be. Wilder things have happened.
Drew: Except you know what? I also think it's important to clarify to the listener that if you ask someone if something's a date or not, you probably should take that as sort of a moving forward… I don't think every time you see someone you should, that's not really direct communication as much as it is, not really respecting someone's boundaries. And we do like boundaries here at Wait, Is This a Date?
Christina: The gayest thing about this podcast is that the outro is a boundary.
Drew, in a voice memo: You know in Fleabag, when she's like, "I'm not obsessed with sex, I just can't stop thinking about it, the performance of it, the awkwardness of it, the drama of it"? That's how I feel about first dates. Like, whenever I haven't been on a first date in a while, I just miss the rush. That's also how I feel about sex. That's a really good quote.
Related:autostraddle podcastpodcastWait Is This a Date
Drew Gregory
Drew is an LA-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. Her writing can be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Thrillist, I Heart Female Directors, and, of course, Autostraddle. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about trans lesbians. Find her on Twitter and Instagram @draw_gregory.
Drew has written 222 articles for us.
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Home › Critical Essays on Lord Dunsany (Studies in Supernatural Literature)
Critical Essays on Lord Dunsany (Studies in Supernatural Literature)
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From the publication of his first book in 1905 until his death, Lord Dunsany (18781957) was an immensely popular Anglo-Irish writer. He has long been admired in the realms of fantasy, horror, and supernatural fiction and was a friend and colleague of writers W. B. Yeats, Lady Gregory, James Stephens, and Oliver St. John Gogarty. In recent years he has enjoyed a resurgence as a pioneering fantasy writer and an immense influence on later work in the genre.
Critical Essays on Lord Dunsany is the first volume to assemble studies of Dunsanys short fiction, novels, plays, and memoirs, as well as discussions of his influence on such writers as J. R. R. Tolkien and H. P. Lovecraft. The book also contains early articles and reviews by Yeats, Lovecraft, H. L. Mencken, Rebecca West, and Arthur C. Clarke. Seven original essays by leading contemporary scholars on Dunsany examine the use of medieval archetypes in his fantasy novels; the distinctiveness of his recurring character, clubman Joseph Jorkens; the influence of Don Quixote on his first novel, The Chronicles of Rodriguez (1922); the treatment of religion in his later novels; and other subjects.
This anthology presents a comprehensive snapshot of Dunsanys distinctive work and his contribution to fantasy fiction and world literature. Making a case for the continued study of this neglected but hugely influential writer, Critical Essays on Lord Dunsany will be of great interest to enthusiasts of Dunsanys work as well as students and scholars of fantasy, horror, the supernatural, and Irish literature.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Conversations with Writers is a great site. I could spend hours there reading about how other writers do their thing … Writers are like snowflakes. No two the same.
There are quite a lot of snowflakes on my lawn, as I write. The snow isn't meant to arrive until the afternoon – but nobody told the snow. Nasty stuff.
I'm always amazed how different other writers' advice is to my own. But like you say, no two are the same, and all our experiences are going to be different.


Ray Dozier is the author of Legends of Oklahoma Sooners Football and two editions of The Oklahoma Football Encyclopedia. He also has written for two metro daily publications, Sooners Illustrated, and Red Dirt Report. Dozier also served as publicity director for an Oklahoma City-area hospice.


ISLAMABAD: President Mamnoon Hussain on Friday stressed the need for more concerted efforts to strengthen the trade and economic ties with African countries.
The President expressed these views while talking to Imran Yawar, Pakistan's ambassador-designate to the Federal Democratic Republic of Ethiopia and permanent observer to African Union (AU) here at the Aiwan-e-Sadr.
particularly in trade and commerce sectors.
He said that Pakistan's relations with Africa in general and Ethiopia in particular do not commensurate with the real trade potential and existing goodwill.
The President congratulated Imran Yawar on his new responsibilities and discussed with him matters pertaining to his diplomatic assignment.
The ambassador-designate thanked the President for reposing confidence in him and assured that he would concentrate on augmenting Pakistan's bilateral ties with Ethiopia with particular focus on enhancing trade, business and economic ties.
Next Next post: Indian brand Rubaaiyat introduces first franchised standalone store in Pakistan!


Activity detection focuses on perimeter protection. This software includes variety of features packed in a single application suite.
ACIC offers this software in two formats. A server based version and an Edge version. The Edge version is capable of being installed directly on AXIS cameras, eliminating the need for a dedicated server.
However, the server based version allows more features, including group detection and PTZ presets.
Activity detection uses a 3D calibration algorithm, mapping object size in the image to meters, which facilitates filtering for users. Therefore, user can filter objects based on their actual size and real-life speed.
With using high performance methods, this application implements a full radar functionality using visible and thermal PTZ cameras. This software is ideal for cost guards. It replaces a conventional radar with far less cost as well as providing visual coverage.
Panorama detection analytic software, patrols a wide area exactly like a radar, when it find a moving object, it starts to track it while alerting the monitoring center.
People counting software provides an effective way to estimate people passing from a predefined line.
Analytic based people counting solutions offer a budged friendly way to count people on surveillance cameras.


Last week TDE announced that Kendrick Lamar & Top Dawg are EP'ing the soundtrack for Marvel's Black Panther movie, today we learned of the second single Kings Dead and got the official cover art. Last week TDE blessed us with the first single All The Stars and tonight we are reportedly getting the second single from the OST titled Kings Deadwhich features Jay Rock, Kendrick Lamar & Future. The song is scheduled to drop tonight at 11 PM tonight when iTunes updates its database so be sure to check back tonight for its release.


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Queen's Gazette | Queen's University
Alumni Review
Queen's Gazette
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Queen's in the News
Queen's Alumni Review
News at Queen's University
Learn how Queen's is planning for our safe return to campus.
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Mental health in the spotlight
Mental Health Promotion Week offers virtual events and initiatives to support mental health at Queen's.
Teaching music online in the pandemic has yielded creative surprises
The Conversation: From incorporating video-based performances to learning new composition apps, teaching students virtually has forced music educators to learn and share new ways to reach students.
Efforts to advance equity initiatives at Queen's make positive strides
EDII and TRC annual reports highlight advancements made in creating a more inclusive campus and curriculum.
A competitive cooking show puts a humble fermented rice dish on the global stage
The Conversation: A rice dish's debut on a cooking competition show reflects the growing acceptance of ethnic foods.
Edward Burtynsky to collaborate with Queen's on unique work of public art
Renowned photographer and artist to collaborate with Queen's Engineering and Arts & Science on life-size whale skeleton sculpture.
Early career chemist earns Ontario's Polanyi Prize
Farnaz Heidar-Zadeh is advancing innovative computational molecular design techniques to support new drug development and other applications.
Narrowing the gap in health care access
Queen's researchers bring the first portable MRI to Canada's north.
Queen's remembers Art Cockfield
Professor and Associate Dean (Academic Policy) in the Faculty of Law was an innovative teacher and one of the world's leading tax law scholars.
Pioneering Queen's chemistry research gets $24M boost
Canada's New Frontiers in Research Fund supporting novel research that could extend the lifespan of metals and potentially save billions across the infrastructure, microchip, and health care industries.
Six Canada Research Chairs announced for Queen's
The Canada Research Chairs program advances the country's position as a leader in discovery and innovation.
Guatemala: 25 years later, 'firm and lasting peace' is nowhere to be found
The Conversation: A quarter of a century after the signing of a peace accord that ended a 36-year civil war, Guatemala is still struggling with violence and corruption.
Graduate Inclusivity Fellows help promote equity, diversity, inclusion, and Indigeneity
Eight members of the Queen's graduate community are working together to foster a culture of belonging for graduate students and postdoctoral fellows.
A new musical composition memorializes the victims of Flight PS752
The Conversation: Two years ago, 176 passengers and crew were killed when the Iranian military shot down a Ukraine International Airlines jet. An elegy drawing on santur, soprano, percussion, and choir memorializes the victims.
After a big year for cryptocurrencies, what's on the horizon in 2022?
The Conversation: The market for cryptocurrencies has expanded dramatically in the last year. With this uptick of activity, what's next in 2022 for cryptocurrencies?
Chancellor Murray Sinclair named to Order of Canada
The Order of Canada is one of the country's highest civilian honours, recognizing those with outstanding achievements who are dedicated to shaping their communities, taking an innovative approach to their work, and who aspire to serve the nation.
Teaching and learning beyond the classroom
Queen's is developing digital educational resources through funding from the Government of Ontario's Virtual Learning Strategy.
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Good Luck: eating this whole burger!
Maybe with the hope of warm weather coming soon you're thinking to yourself, "I'm gonna start eating better so I can shed some of these winter pounds."
But on the other hand, maybe you've given up on thinking that this winter is ever going to end and you can justify another month or two of adding additional layers to your skin just so you're warm enough to make it out of bed in the morning.
We admit that we're considered a part of the latter group. That's why we can justify giving Good Luck's 1 lb. grass-fed beef burger and cheddar with a side of slaw and french fries a try…look how scrumptious it is in this video produced by our friends at Fish & Crown. Kind of changes the way you look at a burger…in a great way.


It may sound like the beginning of a joke, but a fatty liver is nothing to laugh about. Research continues to reveal the connection between a fatty liver and many other health conditions, including cancer. Fatty livers also tend to be largely symptom-less until serious complications arise, making it important to take preventative steps early. This is one fat joke you'll want to take seriously.
NAFLD is somewhat common among adults in the U.S. It affects 30-40% of the population to some degree. There are several factors that can increase a person's risk for NAFLD, and most of these have to do with being overweight such as high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, underactive thyroid, and high triglyceride levels. Other factors include sleep apnea, metabolic syndrome, and polycystic ovary syndrome. The type of people at greatest risk for developing NAFLD are older people age 55 and over, people who already have diabetes—type 1 or 2—, and people with body fat concentrated in the abdomen. Poor diet and rapid weight loss have also been associated with NAFLD. While these factors do make a person more likely to get NAFLD, anyone can get it whether they have these risk factors or not.
NASH or non-alcoholic steatohepatitis is when the fat in the liver from NAFLD causes liver damage, fibrosis, or cirrhosis. This is much more serious and can lead to complications like malnutrition, vein rupture, and liver failure. If you have NAFLD plus one or more of the risk factors listed above, you are much more likely to develop NASH.
A difficult piece of NAFLD is that it often has no symptoms. Occasionally people may experience fatigue, loss of appetite, abdominal pain, enlarged blood vessels, fluid buildup, or swelling in the legs or stomach. A frequent sign that something is wrong with the liver is a condition called jaundice, which causes yellowing of the skin and eyes. However, these symptoms can be associated with several illnesses, so it is hard to isolate them to the liver if they do occur.
One way your doctor may suspect NAFLD is if your liver enzymes are elevated. This can be seen in a routine blood screening that tests for basic things like cholesterol, triglycerides, and various other standard blood tests. Physical changes like an enlarged liver or jaundice can often be observed during routine physical exams. If a fatty liver is suspected, your doctor may run further blood tests to rule out other liver conditions. She will also likely recommend imaging tests like ultrasound, CT scan, and/or MRI to see if there is fat in the liver. If none of these are conclusive, it may be helpful to obtain a liver biopsy where tissue from the liver is taken out for analysis.
Many people live with simple NAFLD without additional complications because there is no subsequent cell damage or inflammation. However, NASH does put you at a much higher risk for cancer—even more so than obesity. In a study presented at The Liver Meeting held by the American Association for the Study of Liver Diseases, results showed that people with obesity and NAFLD were much more likely to get cancer than obese people without NAFLD. The study revealed that NAFLD proved to be the key to increased instances of pancreatic, stomach, colon, and liver cancers. Interestingly though, every type of cancer tested except lung and esophageal were more common in patients with NAFLD than patients without.
If you are curious about your own liver health and how it may be affecting your risk for gastrointestinal cancers, we can help! Cary Gastroenterology can perform physical examination and any testing necessary to assess your overall health. You can request an appointment online at one of our many locations.


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