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Okay, my sense of humour has returned (vaguely) so here's one...
Bloke gets an old lamp off of his ex-wife, he rubs it and a genie comes out. Unsurprisingly, the genie offers him 3 wishes, but on the condition that anything he gets, his ex-wife gets double. The bloke agrees and asks for '5m, so he gets his '5m and his ex gets '10m. After this he asks for a BMW, so his ex gets 2 BMWs. Then the Genie says, "This is your last wish, what do you wish for?"
And the bloke replies "Could you kick me half to death please?"
Couple of golf course jokes for you. Made me laugh....
Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said, "That's the nicest thing I've even seen you do!" The man looked back at him and said, "Well, that's the least I could do after 20 years of marriage..."
Two other blokes on a golf course, one knocks his ball way off onto the next hole by mistake. He goes off to get it, but two seconds later he comes running back. "how come you didn't get it?" his mate asks, "There's 2 women over there" he replies. "and? what's the problem?" says the other. "Well, one's my wife, the other one's my girlfriend!" He explains, "Could you get it for me instead?"
So the other geezer goes off to get the ball, and also comes running back. "What's your problem then?" says the other fellow. "Small world ain't it?" he replies, sheepishly
has made 993 posts and is from and is not online.
Good one there!
I'm no good at jokes so I'll just lurk around...
I figured Ungloiant as more of a dangling participant.
Here's one for today, I apologise to all blondes in advance for this, but it is funny.
This guy is sitting outside on his lawn when he sees his blonde neighbor walk outside and check her mailbox. With a confused look on her face, she walks back inside. Five minutes later, the blonde walks outside again to check her mailbox. Seeing that there is nothing in it, she walks back inside her house. Another five minutes later, the blonde comes back outside to check her mailbox. After watching the blonde check her mailbox 3 times in a row, the guy is pretty curious. When she starts to walk back inside again, he asks, "What are you doing?"
She says, "My computer keeps telling me that I've got mail."
It is indeed funny. And if you don't want to put it into the "dumb blonde" stereotype, you can turn it into a 'Burns and Allen' joke.
George Burns was the straight man and his wife Gracie Allen had the dumb part, even though she was one of the smartest people in show biz; she rode dumbness all the way to the bank, almost as well as Lucy did later.
*delurks*
*lurks/dangles again*
I decided to crawl out from under my rock and censer the above non-family oriented joke. I should have removed it yesterday but didn't have the heart as it was so funny.
Didn't think I'd get away with that one
Rofl! Good one! So good. Heard it once before but it wasn't so funny then.
Did you get the joke I sent you, P, btw?
yep, bloody funny that one!
okay kinda nautical, but am sure you will cope....
The Captains note to the Chief Officer
Early tomorrow morning there will be a total solar eclipse at 0900 hours. T his is something that cannot happen every day, so have the crew line up in full dress uniform on deck so that they may see it. Because this is such a rare phenomenom, I will explain it to them myself. If it is raining we will not be able to see it clearly in which case the crew should gather in the mess room.
The Chief Officers note to the First Mate
On the Captains orders, there will be a total eclipse early tomorrow morning at 0900 hours. If it is raining we will not be able to see it clearly in our uniforms in which case the suns disappearance will be fully observed in the messroom. This is something that does not happen every day.
The First Mates note to the Second Mate
On Captains orders, we shall fully observe in our uniforms that the sun disappears in the messroom at 0900 hours. The Captain will tell us if it going to rain. This is something which does not happen every day.
The second Mates note to the Bosun
If it is raining in the messroom early tomorrow which is something which does not happen every day, the Captain in his uniform will disappear.
The Bosuns note to the crew
Early tomorrow morning at 0900 hours the Captain will disappear. Its a pity that this does not happen every day.[Edited on 11/2/2002 by 42]
Lol! Good one!
I have been sent some real good ones by mail, but I cannot remember them, so I'll check back with you here soon...
Okay, here's a few more...
A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn't quite reach it.The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, "What now?"
The boy answered, "Now we run like crazy!"
It was two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife were asleep, when suddenly the phone rang.
The husband picked up the phone and said, "Hello? ... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slammed the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies, I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear.
A blind man walks in to a bar and sits down to have a drink. He says to the bartender, "You want to hear a good blonde joke?" The bartender says, "Well, sir, I myself am a blonde and I really wouldn't appreciate it. And the man sitting next to you is about 265 lbs. and is also a blonde. Then the man behind you is a good 285 lbs. who just happens to be a blonde too. So let me ask you sir, do you really want to tell that blonde joke?" The blind man said, 'No. I don't feel like explaining it three times!"
Rofl. Good ones! I remembered one about a blonde too!
A blonde goes to the hairdresser's. She has a walkman on her head, and when the hairdresser asks her to sit down, she still leaves it on. So he asks her to put it off, but she simply says: "No, I can't." The hairdresser doesn't understand, but he starts doing her hair. At some point he can't go further unless he takes the walkman off her head, so he does. Two seconds after he does that, the blonde falls down, on the floor, as dead as a stone. The hairdresser doesn't understand, but he informs the police, calls an ambulance, etc. When everything is over, he says to himself: "Now I really want to know what's on that cassette she was listening to." Guess what he heard... "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in..."
lol. Nice ones - the breathing one was great.
I was feeling depressed and alone, when out of the gloom a voice spoke unto me "Smile and be happy, things could be worse." So I smiled and was happy and behold, things did get worse.
Good one 42!
Okay, a couple for today then....
A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and shouts, "Honey, I just won the lottery! Pack your bags!"
The wife says, "Great! What should I pack for? The ocean or the mountains?"
He says, "I don't care! Just be out by the end of the week!"
This one's specially tailored to Grondy and Golly...
A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 42 degrees north latitude and between 58 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "but how did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."
The man below responded, "You must be a manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are exactly in the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
lol...that's not a joke Plastic, that's real life!
Here's some more engineer jokes (why do my friends, mom & husband keep sending me these?) Hmm.
Comprehending Engineers
1) Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
2) A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!."
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him. Hey George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
These two were popular at school:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
The bicycle/clothes joke is the best.
The balloon joke is typical Dilbert fodder where four pictures are worth a thousand words. It is funny as all get out, because sadly, it is true to life.
Nice one Golly! *is glad he didn't go and do that Philosophy degree now*
No jokes yet today, but the day is young...
Crappy valentines day everybody!! (btw it's mine and Rambo's anniversary today, so we're celebrating that and forgetting that he was a Valentines pressie to me four years ago) Here's a doggy themed joke!
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
Too true! Too true!
Good thing this is a tavern; I keep looking over my shoulder expecting Taz to show up and harangue us about posting dogs and cats stuff.
Couple of late Valentine themed jokes for you lot.
Top 12 MAFIA Valetine Card Verses...
My love for you... it came and went.
So your feet are now in wet cement.
I'm here To fulfill your fondest wishes
Now that your husband sleeps with the fishes.
Lie down with me -- it's my final offa,
Or you'll be lying wit' Jimmy Hoffa.
I picked up this card from a slim selection
But that's all they offer here in witness protection.
Be my Valentine, and we can do it execution-style.
Cinderella got her fella, with a slipper made of glass;
So please be mine, Valentine, or I'll have to whack your ass.
Violets are blue, roses are red,
I blew up your car -- So why ain't you dead?
The day we met, my little pet, I knew with just one look
You'd bear a son, and now that's done, So shut your mouth and cook!
Youse da greatest. Youse da best.
But you're as untouchable as Elliot Ness.
Lust is fleeting, true love lingers.
Be mine always and you'll keep your fingers.
Hope da chocolates is good, but y'know, dis ain't really what a guy's heart
looks like.
When a goon makes you die,
Cuz you told him goodbye -- that's amore!
A man goes to the store to buy Valentine's cards for his daughter and mother.
The 50 feet of displays for hundreds of cards astounds him
He mutters out loud, "I wonder if they have cards for ex-spouses?"
A clerk, standing in the next isle, overhears the man and says,
Yes sir, we do have an 'ex' category, but they're in Sporting Goods."
"Really... you must be kidding me right?"
"No sir, replies the clerk... I wouldn't kid you."
"Just hop over to sporting goods and ask for 'Bullets'..."
Eryan
has made 847 posts and is an Elf from Rivendell and is not online.
I will tell you a REAL story here!!!
The first four letters of the second name of the folding bottle from Plastic's joke... well, we all know what do they mean in English. But in Polish the same 4-letter-word means "good luck".
Some years ago I have seen in Poland that someone released on the market a toilet-cleaner powder (or liquid - I do not remember...) which bore the same ingenious name. I laughed wildly, but almost nobody around me could see why. I think that the producers MUST have known English and that it was thought to be a "subtle (???) joke for the initiated". But who knows, who knows?
Chikakat
so this panda bear walks into a bar and orders a drink. Once it finishes its drink, it pulls out a gun and starts shooting, then it starts to walk out the door. The bartender stops it and asks, "Hey, what are you doing? What's wrong with you?" So the panda goes, "Nothings wrong with me...just go look it up." So the bartender pulls out his dictionary and looks up 'panda bear.' The entry goes like this "Panda Bear: large black and white mammal; eats shoots and leaves."
Sherlock Holmes and Mr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal
and a bottle of wine they lay down in their tent for the night and went to
sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend
awake.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and
potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe Saturn is in
Leo. Logically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are
small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a
beautiful day tomorrow."
"Is that all?", Holmes asked.
"Yes." Watson replied. "Why, am I missing something?".
Holmes was quiet for a moment, then spoke:
"Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen the tent."
Now that, I like!
Here's some for Saturday..
A man who thought he was John the Baptist was disturbing the neighborhood,
so for public safety, he was committed. He's put into a room with another guy.
The resident Dr. goes in to see his new patient.
The Doc asks the first guy why he has been sent to the hospital.
The guys replies, "Doc, I don't know... I'm perfectly sane!"
The Doc then asks the new crazy the same thing and immediately he begins his
routine,
"I am John The Baptist! Jesus Christ has sent me!"
The first guy looks at him and yells, "I did not!"
and... (yes I know I'm always doing blonde jokes)
A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife something nice for their
first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy her a cellphone.
She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and explains to her all
the features on the phone. The next day the blonde goes shopping.
Her phone rings and it's her husband, "Hi hun,"he says "how do you like your new
phone?"
She replies: "I just love, it's so small and your voice is clear as a bell!"
"But there's one thing I don't understand though."
"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.
"How did you know I was at Wal Mart?"
ROFL That last one was a tear jerker.
LOL! Very good, okay, here's my selection for today....
yet another Blonde joke...
There were three women, a brunette, a red head, and a blonde who were trying to break the world record for fastest time to swim across the English Channel doing only the breaststroke. The brunette shows up on the other side 48 hours later. "Congratulations!" everyone shouts. 2 hours after the brunette shows up, the red head appears. "Good try" everyone shouts to her. Two weeks later, the blonde shows up. When everyone asked her what happened, she replied, "I don't mean to sound like a poor sport, but I think the other two women were using their arms."
and another driving/drinking type thing...
A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. "What are those machetes doing in your car?" asks the cop.
"I juggle them in my act."
"Oh, yeah? says the doubtful cop. "Let's see you do it. "The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
"Wow, "says the passer-by. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
Panda, tent, and cell phone; they were all funny. I enjoyed the tent one best; however, think it would have been even funnier had the roles been reversed.
A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
took me a minute, but /that/ is a funny joke.
A phone call to Medical Emergency Corps:
'Please, come quickly! My husband swallowed a neddle!"
After 10 minutes, another call:
"Excuse me... do not come! I have found another needle!"
"Does your husband help you in your household duties?"
"Oh yes! Yesterday he tore away a page
from our wall callendar!"
A train stops on a railway station.
Someone puts his head outside and asks:
"Excuse me, what station is this"?
"A railway station"
Very Airplane!
Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.
Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom.
The other man frantically screamed, "Roger!", and was relieved to hear a faint
"Okay Rodge," shouted Barry, "I'm gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it
'round
one of your legs and.." but before he could finish, he heard Roger call -
"But both my legs are broke."
Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was "They're broken too!"
So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope,
and when he was nearly there, Barry said, "You alright there mate?"
to which Rodger replied,"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS........"
Three men were flying on a plane over the jungle when it crashed.
They were the only people who survived.
They decided that starting the next morning one of them would go
out and make weapons and see if he could kill anything.
So the next morning the first man went out. He didn't come back till about noon.
When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the deer back to the
plane wreckage. They asked him how he killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill deer."
So the next morning the second guy set out. He too came back at noon.
When they saw him they ran to him and helped him carry the buffalo he had
killed back to the plane wreckage. They asked him how he had killed it.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...I kill buffalo."
The next morning the third guy went out. The other two were watching and
watching for him.
When it was almost sundown and he still hadn't returned they started getting
worried.
Then they saw a person stumbling towards them he looked awful,
really bad cuts and a broken arm. They went and helped him to the fire they had
and asked him what had happened.
He said "I find tracks...I follow tracks...and...I got hit by a train."
Another day, another stack of Jokes...
Mike Tyson was complaining to Don King about how hard it was
to get any sleep the night before his last big fight.
He tells King, "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by
this girl I met earlier banging on my door and screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," said King. "How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally had enough!
So I unlocked the door and let her out," replied Tyson.
And then.....
A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor.
The Doc tells him, "I have some very bad news for you.
I'm afraid that you're afflicted with a fatal and incurable disease."
So the guy asks, "Well isn't there ANYTHING I can do, doc?"
"Well... if I were you, I'd join one of those fancy spas and start
taking daily mud baths", replies the Doc.
"Mud baths? Will that cure me Doc?"
"No, not really... but at least you'll get used to being covered in dirt!"
More tommorrow folks!
This joke is in celebration of the "2nd" Gold Medal
our Aussie frineds have captured at the Winter Games...
this one's for you Alyssa
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his
herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that
are at least twice as large as your cows."
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of
kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?"
The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,
"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
I have hear a similar one. No disrespect intended to Texans
A Texan farmer was bragging about the size of his ranch.
"I can ride my horse all day, and still not come to the end of my land!"
"Yep, I know what you mean." replied the Australian, "I had a horse like that once...."
An oldie, but a goddie!!
There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
ROFLMAO!!!
Gnampie
has made 275 posts and is a Rohirrim from Edoras and is not online.
I received this by mail:
These passages are from a book called Disorder in the Court. They are things lawyers and witnesses actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters
Lawyer: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact (of the car)?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Lawyer: This Senile Dementia and Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Lawyer: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Doctor: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Doctor: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?
Doctor: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere
I hope there aren't to much lawyers among you.
here's Thursday's little selection...
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.
The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged,
and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at the guy and asks:
"What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Not a thing," the man responds, this beat up turtle is faster than your dog!"
"Not a chance!", replies the barkeep.
"Okay then, says the guy... you take your dog and let him stand at one end of
the bar.
Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog.
I'll bet you $500 that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy $500, agrees.
The bartender goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls
his dog.
Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room,
narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall and says -
"I WIN... Told you it'll be there before your dog!"
And one for all the rednecks out there...
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had
covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five
years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel
drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the
circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of
drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, Shucks!"
Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96.4 percent of the final words
were -
"Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!"
Once, again, more tommorrow, keep on laughing people!
Weekends selection is here!
Clues you could be a Redneck...
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
Your dog goes "oink!"
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts.
You know how to milk a goat.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache.
Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom.
You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside.
Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
You have a refrigerator just for beer.
You come back from the dump with more than you took.
Your wife owns a camouflage nightie.
You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much.
You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve
The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
And a nice inventing one....
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding
bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle, replies the inventor."
"A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies the inventor.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says the inventor...
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
OH DEAR GOD ...
That was _truly_ funny!
QUESTIONS FOR THE DAY
* If you tied a piece of buttered toast to a cats back, buttered side up, and then dropped the cat from a height,Would it land on its feet?
* If a tree fell in a forest, and it landed on a mime,would anyone care?
* When you choke a Smurf, what colour does it turn?
Okay, here's Tuesday's little choice cuts... (would have been juicier, but I relented at the last minute, on grounds of good taste)
A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.
"Officer, look what they've done to my Beemer!" he whined.
"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!"
"Oh my god", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex!"
Two elderly ladies meet at the market after not seeing each other for some time. One asked how the other's husband was doing. "Oh! Rodger died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the vegetable patch."
"Oh dear, I'm sorry," replied her friend, "What did you do?"
"Opened a can of peas instead."
Okay, here's my contribution!
This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he saw a frog. The frog said to him "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess and be your girlfriend for a day." The guy said "cool" , stuck the frog in his pocket and continued on his way. A little while later, the guy heard the frog say "Hey, hey, hey!" So he took the frog out and asked "What do you want?" The frog said "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess and be your girlfriend for a month!" He stuck her back in his pocket and continued on his way. Later he heard the frog again "hey, hey ,hey!" He took her out and asked "What do you want?" "She said "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful princess and be your girlfriend for a year" He stuck her back in his pocket and continued on his way. Later he heard the frog again "Hey, hey, hey" He took her out, "What do you want" "Why won't you kiss me, I told you I would turn into a beautiful princess and be your girlfriend for a year!" the guy said "I'm a computer programmer, I haven't got time for dating, but a talking frog is cool!"
ROTFLMFAO!!!!
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] >>


text:
Q: HTML canvas responds to click+drag by creating an expanding-box selector I've been learning a little bit about HTML Canvas and I've run into a behavior that seems to be cross-browser (Chrome, Firefox, Safari) - but seems unique to certain setups.
The issue is that in some cases when I perform a click-drag movement with the mouse, in addition to whatever event interaction that happens on the canvas - inexplicably an expanding-box is also drawn (like when you select multiple icons on your desktop).
I ran into this behavior with fabric.js and spun my wheels for a long time thinking it was something I did wrong (granted, it may still be) - but I switched over to kineticjs and the problem went away. But I'm seeing it in other places and I'm wondering how/if I can fix it without having to switch libraries.
I have some live examples as well:

*

*fabric.js: http://www.remix.net/matrix/index.broken.html - A click-drag invokes the box-select behavior.

*kineticjs: http://www.remix.net/matrix/index.html - Click-drag works fine?
I'm on OSX, but I'd be curious if windows users see the same behavior as well. (If anyone is feeling charitable with their time to take a look at the pages)

A: Blue selection box is a default behavior in Fabric (grouping objects), for interactive canvases (fabric.Canvas).
But you can disable it via canvas.selection = false.
Here's a quick example of drawing lines, without interfering selection box (see jsfiddle):

var canvas = new fabric.Canvas('c', { selection: false });

var line, isDown;

canvas.on('mouse:down', function(o){
  isDown = true;
  var pointer = canvas.getPointer(o.e);
  var points = [ pointer.x, pointer.y, pointer.x, pointer.y ];
  line = new fabric.Line(points, {
    strokeWidth: 5,
    fill: 'red',
    stroke: 'red'
  });
  canvas.add(line);
});

canvas.on('mouse:move', function(o){
  if (!isDown) return;
  var pointer = canvas.getPointer(o.e);
  line.set({ x2: pointer.x, y2: pointer.y });
  canvas.renderAll();
});

canvas.on('mouse:up', function(o){
  isDown = false;
});

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


This sleekly baffled Titanium jacket is insulated with 900 fill power water resistant goose down and lined with Omni-Heat thermal reflective dots to combine function with fashion. And it's reversible, INTERHCANGE compatible, and stuffs into its own sack. What are you waiting for?


text:
namespace tizen_webview {
class WrtIpcMessageData;
}

class WrtWidget {
 public:
  WrtWidget();

  void SetWidgetInfo(int widgetHandle,
                     double scaleFactor,
                     const std::string& encodedBundle,
                     const std::string& theme);

  void messageReceived(const tizen_webview::WrtIpcMessageData& data);

  void ParseUrl(const GURL& url, GURL& new_url);

  void StartSession(v8::Handle<v8::Context>,
                    int routingHandle);

  void StopSession(v8::Handle<v8::Context>);

 private:
  int widgetHandle_;
  double scale_;
  std::string theme_;
  std::string encodedBundle_;
};

#endif // WRTWIDGET_H

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


text:
Q: Kentico Google Analytics page view I'm looking at the GA traffic and I'm seeing page views for pages like this:    /cms/getdoc/2d22c1db-ae83...angobjectlifetime=request
Is this page used when a user is viewing a document (PDF, Word, etc.)?

A: Not necessary. It could be any page within the content tree (including files). The cms prefix means it requires authentication (it's usually within the administration interface) and the getdoc handler means the url is permanent one (uses the GUID that follows), so you always get this page/file no matter where in the content tree it is (after you move it for example)

A: Google Analytics records anything hit to your website which is used to access either to access a legitimate page or used to access a resource on your website. You should use filters during report to filter out this data.


Pickles may not be a required food group but they are close to the top of my food preservation list. They are particularly appreciated when the salad ingredients are sparse while the garden rests during its long hibernation. Pickles are why I grow and love cucumbers.
Cucumbers are good eaten fresh, too, of course, but mine prefer to be pickled.
So the cucumber I grow is the pickling sort. I've trialed many open-pollinated varieties and so far Northern Pickling is the choice for my garden. Cucumbers love warmth and space but there are varieties that can suit a wide range of environments, from bush sorts for the small plot or those that can be trained up a trellis, ones that are more adaptable to the hot and dry or varieties that handle the cooler climes with finesse. The best way to choose the variety (or varieties) for your garden is to experiment with many different ones, then grow what does best for you.
If your garden is healthy and the soil reasonably rich in humus, you will probably grow great healthy cucumbers. But even when I was still building up my depleted sandy-loam soil I was able to get a small but usable cucumber crop. They make do with what they have, just as people do, but do best in an environment that suits them (as do people!). Since we have a fairly short growing season here in the upper Midwest my goal is to get the plants growing strong as early as possible to get a good crop before the frosts and freezes arrive in the fall. Cucumbers are not fond of frost.
PLANTING - Warmer climate gardeners plant their seed directly in the garden, grow and harvest cucumbers as they mature and don't worry much about a freeze prematurely ending their harvest. But those of us with shorter seasons need to take a bit more care if we want enough fruit for pickling. You can start your cucumbers inside in small pots, transplanting them out later when the soil warms and weather settles, and I have done that successfully. But my small greenhouse space is at a premium in the spring and the less fussing I have to do with any crop the happier I am. And a happier gardener makes for happier plants! So I use cold frames.
When the snow is gone from the garden, the dandelions are showing their cheery blossoms, the apple tree's buds are swelling and the daffodils are in full bloom, it feels great to be out in the garden soaking up the sun, moving mulch and digging in the dirt. Many seeds have already found their way into their respective plots -- early greens, peas, carrot. Now it is time to set out portable cold frames for the squash and cucumbers -- usually about mid-May here. The cold frames suit me and the cucumbers. I can put them where I want them with little fuss, and the plants can settle in without worrying about having to move later.
As I have permanent, mulched, four foot wide beds, my preparation means moving mulch instead of digging or tilling the soil. I rake the mulch off a bed where the cucumbers will reside so the soil can warm. The cold frame boxes are set out at a spacing of about three frames in 24 feet. A shovel of compost is dug into the top inches of soil within the frame and several seeds are planted in each quarter of the box. I cover them gently with dirt and, with a loving pat, leave them to do what they most want to do -- grow. When the seedlings are up and growing but still small, they are thinned to one plant per corner. This works out to about one plant per eight square feet which is a good spacing for the Northern Pickling variety.
Since this is still about a month before our weather warms and frosts abate, the cold frame windows are closed at night and during cloudy cool days, then propped open when the sun shines. If temps really drop, the frame is easily covered with an old blanket or rug. This gives the crop a wonderful head start on the season without unduly pushing their comfort level. The most important job for the gardener during this time is to be sure to prop open the windows when it is sunny. Better to have a bit of cool than to cook the little plants. If I'm going to be gone overnight and I'm not sure of the weather, I'll leave the cold frame closed and covered with a blanket. The plants do fine with a few days of extended dark.
GROWING - Round about the second half of June the weather is usually settling into summer mode. The garden is starting to look like a garden and the cucumbers and other plants are happily growing. Except for an occasionally cold summer, the cold frames are taken off and stored away and the cucumbers are ready to spread out. It's time to mulch. Not surprising, it's also time to cut hay. Nature does work things out pretty neatly.
Since we have fields, we cut our own hay for mulch. It's wonderful to work with loose hay, and one can be sure to cut at the right time (before things go to seed). The old mulch may be raked back on the bed now, supplemented with new hay. Or it may stay in the paths to keep weeds down there and the bed covered with fresh stuff, nestling up around the growing cucumber plants. Either way, the entire garden is blanketed with mulch by July and the gardener happily tends to other summer fun; the mulch pretty much taking the place of weeding and watering.
The cucumber plants grow and spread and, other than admiring them, my only chore during this time is to direct enthusiastic vines out of the path and back onto the bed.
HARVEST - Towards the end of July I can usually start eating cucumbers on my salad. Since I only grow pickling cucumbers, I simply peel them for eating raw. But fresh cucumber aficionados will, of course, have their favorite eating varieties and be raiding the patch when the first ones become of size, and from then on. But in the pickle patch we're waiting for that time when there are enough little critters for a nice batch of pickles. This is why I grow cucumbers so "salad ingredient" is just a sideline. From then on it's a game of watching and picking them before they get too large, yet having enough for a decent sized batch of pickles. Those that become oversized are tossed into the compost pile. Thus does August progress; and on a rare mild fall, on into September.
SAVING SEED - If you grow open pollinated cucumbers and a good number of plants (you want a reasonable gene pool, not just saving from one or two plants), saving your own seed is as easy as just letting some of the cucumbers of each plant mature. Cucumbers cross pollinate, so I grow only one variety if I'm saving seed. If you store your seed well (cool, dry, dark) it will be viable for many years so you don't have to save seed every year. If the plants and fruit are having a good year - disease free, generous production of fruit, good weather for maturing - I simply choose to leave a cucumber here and there to mature, usually the ones that escaped my notice and have already grown beyond the nice pickling stage. If it's a great year, I simply stop harvesting when I'm tired of making pickles and let the rest of the crop mature.
Maturing cucumbers will turn yellow then dark orange or yellow and their skin/shell becomes less tender as they age, well past . Light frosts don't bother them even if the leaves are damaged and I leave them in the garden until hard freezes are predicted. I then bring them inside to set and further mature their seeds for at least several weeks (which isn't hard since I'm plenty busy doing other things this time of year). At some point before they get too soft and mushy I cut them open and scoop the seeds out into a bowl. There's usually enough juice to let them ferment (which takes care of that gelatinous covering on the seed and might take care of some diseases, too). If not, add a little water. Stir several times a day and let them ferment for several days. Then clean the seed. I do this by adding water, letting the seeds settle to the bottom, pouring off the debris. Keep doing this until the seed is clean, then strain and dump on a towel to remove as much water as possible. Spread out on a plate or cookie sheet and let air dry until they snap when bent. Old envelopes work well for seed packets (note the year and where you originally got the seed, as well as the proper name). Store in a cool, dry, dark place and you'll have more then enough seed for you and your friends for many years.
PICKLES - There is hardly a need for me to give a pickle recipe. They are so prevalent that one could spend all ones days trialing pickle recipes and never run out, even should you live several lifetimes! Pickles have to be tops in the preserving category for fun, variety, sharing and friendly community. Cucumbers aren't the only vegetable used for pickles, of course, but they are the top contender. When I've been short on cucumbers I've successfully used small zucchini and other squashes. Peppers and onions are often additions to the pickle pot, or maybe some broccoli.
In each pint jar put 1 tsp mixed pickling spice (with cinnamon and cloves), some dill, a few small grape leaves.
Drain brine off cucumbers, cover with hot water, drain. Pack not too tightly into jars. Cover with hot vinegar/sugar solution leaving 1/2" headroom. Lid and process as you normally do (boil-water-bath or steam-pressure-canner can) for 10 minutes. Or don't process, if you don't do that to your pickles. I used to, but don't anymore. I make sure the vinegar solution is boiling hot, fill to about 1/4" headroom, put heated lids on the jars with rings just as if I were going to process them, then let them be. They seal and keep just fine, and it's a lot less work. If a jar doesn't seal it is obvious and that jar gets put in the root cellar and eaten early. All other precautions are the same as with any canning.
*My favorite is when we have a bumper apple crop, make more apple cider than we can drink, and I make a large batch of good, strong apple cider vinegar to use for the pickles. It's a flavor you just can't get with factory vinegar and I cherish it when I have it.
FERMENTED PICKLES - In the past we didn't eat many pickles plain out of the jar, until last year I discovered "Fermented Brined Pickles". Hardly new, of course, it is probably the original pickle. Most people are familiar with sauerkraut, but not so with other brined vegetables. But apparently the time was right for me to re-discover brined pickles. I happened on an old book in the library, read the section on fermented pickles and was intrigued. It sounded so easy, and I'm all for less fuss-more fun; so I searched some more. I searched through the large pickle section of the library and gleaned some information and recipes, and I searched online and found more. It's not as common as canned or vinegar pickles, but there is a lot of good info out there (and passionate proponents) and I soon had a pretty good understanding of the process. Which is good when you are trying something new. What really interested me was the possibility of fermenting in the jar, not in a crock.
Well, we had a good crop of pickles and I had collected a good number of fermented pickle recipes. I was conservative and only tried six variations. Really, they were all pretty much the same, but a little more salt here, little less there, quart jar, gallon jar, small crock; no dill, some dill, lots of dill; grape leaves vs cherry leaves; onions and peppers in one, just cucs in others. It's amazing how complicated you can make a very simple thing! But it was fun. And we loved the pickles! I made 27 quarts of fermented pickles and we ran out in February. And we are only two people (and two cats but they didn't share our pickle passion). Granted, I did give many jars away as gifts, pickles seem made for that. But we had discovered a great new-old food. How wonderful that it was also easy and good.
If you aren't already a pickle fermenter, I'd suggest you research and read and get familiar with the process (which is easy) and methods (not many). But be prepared, home fermented pickles are not like always-the-same factory pickles. They are alive and change flavor daily from the day they are made until the day they are eaten, which is part of the fun, and delicious fun it is. Hopefully this year I will have a great cucumber year and have enough pickles to see how they taste past the 6 month mark (which is when we ate the last of last year's pickles).
Make a brine of 1 1/2 tablespoons pickling salt to 1 quart of water. Slice cucumbers into a quart jar, include some dill and grape leaves. Cover to near the top with brine. Put on the lid and let set (on a towel is a good idea) at room temp for about 5 days or so, when the brine will be cloudy and definitely fermenting (little bubbles rising). Wipe off jars and lids, top with more brine if needed , and store in pantry or cool space which calms down the fermenting.
Start eating whenever you want, and keep eating until they are gone.
The great thing about the fermented pickle is you can easily make small batches as the cucumbers come along. Or large batches even if you're busy with other things. They don't take long. You can use whole cucumbers, quartered cucumbers, sliced cucumbers, other vegetables. When a bunch of cucumbers were ready to be picked but I was busy with other things, I quickly picked and washed them, put them whole into a small crock and covered with brine. A small weighted plate (a glass jar of water works well) keeps the cucumbers beneath the brine. Place a cloth cover over the whole and let it set and ferment as with the jarred pickles. Then later at my convenience I sliced them into jars.
You can ferment in the jar or in a crock. But if you ferment in a crock, you have to skim the white scum off regularly which is why I prefer the jar method -- it's easier and less messy -- the scum doesn't form. One change I will make this year is to use plastic canning jar tops for these pickles. The brine did a number on my regular metal rings and I've had to toss quite a few of them (salt water and metal don't mix). But since these pickles don't need to be sealed, you can use those neat looking old-fashioned metal bailed jars (Lehman's Hardware carries the rings if you need new ones), whether they are of old or new make.
As a bonus, the fermented brine is wonderful in itself -- used in biscuits or breads, dressings or sauces, soups or sautes. It adds an extra something which is hard to describe but is missed when it is gone. But by far the hardest thing about these pickles is waiting long enough for some flavor to develop before eating them all up. And keeping some for gifts and for later eating. It's a problem I can live with.
originally printed in the July/August 2009 issue of "Countryside Magazine"


A PLAN for up to 84 new homes south of Bicester will be assessed by district councillors next week.
Developers want to build the homes on land north of Merton Road in Ambrosden but the Campaign to Protect of Rural England (CPRE), Cherwell District Council's conservation service and Ambrosden Parish Council are opposed.
The parish council said that if the land is built on, it could set a precedent for 'further development' which could lead to the boundary with Merton being blurred.
It said it would also obscure the view of the Grade II* listed St Mary's Church, which lies about 300 metres to the north east of the site.
CPRE said it also worried that the boundaries between Merton and Ambrosden could be blurred if the plan got the go-ahead.
Cherwell District Council's conservation service said any development would 'affect views of the church across what is currently an agricultural landscape'.
It said any building work should 'respect these existing views' – but that building could mean 'unacceptable harm'.
The district council said it had received 15 letters objecting to the scheme and none in favour.
The Cherwell District Council planning committee will be asked to make a decision on whether to give outline planning permission for the project at a meeting at its headquarters in Bodicote next Thursday.


The Careers, Employability and Enterprise Centre at Durham University, in a recognised partnership with and funded by Santander Universities (a division of Santander UK plc), run a programme called the Santander Universities SME Internship Programme. The purpose of this programme is to create work experience (or internship) opportunities for Durham students or recent graduates in local SMEs (small to medium enterprises). The programme offers access to a variety of skilled and highly sought after students to a cohort of successful and well regarded SMEs, therefore introducing a unique partnership.
This Programme is open to organisations with 250 employees or less which have an annual turnover of fifty million pounds or less ("SMEs"). They must be registered and based in the UK.
Eligible organisations include companies, sole traders, partnerships and charities.
Participating SME's can recruit a maximum of 2 interns through each cycle of the programme.
SME's cannot apply for further Santander UK plc funding to either extend an intern contract or employ the same student or graduate after the internship has completed.
Once a student or graduate has completed an internship with an SME (under this scheme) they cannot apply for another part or fully funded internship with the same SME.
The University's nominated Programme Managers (Victoria Cawkwell and Helen Jackson, contact both via: work.experience@durham.ac.uk) are the main point of contact for the SME. They will ensure that the programme and the internships on offer are advertised widely via our Student Services Portal, social media and weekly email bulletin, as well as answer any queries the SME might have.
SMEs will receive applications directly, therefore allowing them the opportunity to manage their own recruitment process. Once the SME has shortlisted candidates for an internship position, it will be its responsibility to interview candidates and manage all aspects of the recruitment process.
Once the internship has been allocated, the partner university's nominated Programme Managers will update the Santander Internships Portal (a web based database).
All internships should be allocated and filled by 30th September 2018 with start dates no later than 1st November 2018.
The internships will be for a duration of between 2 and 10 weeks with the intern working on a full-time basis (35 hours per week). Any extension of internships past the agreed term must be funded by the SME.
based on a 35 hour week.
For internships between 1-2 weeks Santander will fund £300 per week. Internships between 3 and 10 weeks will be part-funded by Santander at a rate of £150 per week to a maximum of £1,500, to be matched by the SME. These internships will not be fully funded by Santander at any point.
Durham University receives the funding from Santander Universities and will forward to the SME as agreed.
The SME will pay the intern this money, inclusive of the remaining matched funded element, where applicable (or other higher sum that the SME has agreed to pay the intern). The SME is entitled to provide more than minimum matched funded element towards the intern's salary over the agreed period if they choose to do so. The partner universities and the particular SMEs' shall determine how payment is to be made and agree this with the intern prior to commencement of the internship.
If you would like to find out more information, please contact Victoria Cawkwell or Helen Jackson: 0191 3341406 or work.experience@durham.ac.uk.


text:
Q: Why does the decrypted string not match the input string? In this code snippet I have used the RSACryptoServiceProvider class to encrypt a key and IV generated by Rfc2898DerivedBytes class. The key and IV are then decrypted, inserted into an AesManaged encryptor, and then I use the AesManaged encryptor to encrypt a string(converted into a byte array). The process is reversed to decrypt the array which succeeds but then the string returned does not match the input string. Why is this?
I have already tried changing the Encoding format of the byte arrays but that did not work. I have inspected the original byte array and what it looks like after it has gone through the entire process of being encrypted and decrypted and they are identical.
class EncryptionBestPracticeDemo
    {
        public static byte[] keys;
        public static AesManaged aesAlgorithm = new AesManaged();

        public struct KeyIV
        {
            public byte[] Key { get; private set; }
            public byte[] IV { get; private set; }
            public KeyIV(byte[] key, byte[] iV)
            {
                this.Key = key;
                this.IV = iV;
            }
        }

        public static KeyIV GetEncryptedKeyAndIV()
        {
            KeyIV keySalt;

            var password = "Pa$$w0rd";
            var salt = "S@lt";

            var rgb = new Rfc2898DeriveBytes(password, Encoding.Unicode.GetBytes(salt));

            aesAlgorithm.Padding = PaddingMode.None;

            var rgbKey = rgb.GetBytes(aesAlgorithm.KeySize / 8);

            var rgbIV = rgb.GetBytes(aesAlgorithm.BlockSize / 8);

            //Encrypt the key and IV
            using (var rsaProvider = new RSACryptoServiceProvider())
            {
                var setOaemPadding = true;

                keys = rsaProvider.ExportCspBlob(true);

                keySalt = new KeyIV(rsaProvider.Encrypt(rgbKey, setOaemPadding), rsaProvider.Encrypt(rgbIV, setOaemPadding));
            }
            return keySalt;
        }

        public static void AesWithRSA()
        {
            //Use RSACryptoProvider to decrypt the secret key of the AesAlgorithm algorithm
            var message = "NET Cryptography";
            var messageByteArray = Encoding.UTF8.GetBytes(message);

            byte[] encryptedData;
            byte[] decryptedData;

            //Get the encrypted Key and IV
            var keySalt = GetEncryptedKeyAndIV();

            using (var rsaProvider = new RSACryptoServiceProvider())
            {
                var setOaemPadding = true;
                rsaProvider.ImportCspBlob(keys);

                //Decrypt the key and IV
                var key = rsaProvider.Decrypt(keySalt.Key, setOaemPadding);
                var iV = rsaProvider.Decrypt(keySalt.IV, setOaemPadding);

                //Use the decrypted key and IV in the AES encryptor
                var encryptor = aesAlgorithm.CreateEncryptor(key, iV);

                using (var bufferStream = new MemoryStream())
                using (var cryptoStream = new CryptoStream(bufferStream, encryptor, CryptoStreamMode.Write))
                {
                    cryptoStream.Write(messageByteArray, 0, messageByteArray.Length);

                    encryptedData = bufferStream.ToArray();
                }
            }

            using (var rsaProvider = new RSACryptoServiceProvider())
            {
                var setOaemPadding = true;
                rsaProvider.ImportCspBlob(keys);

                //Decrypt the key and IV
                var key = rsaProvider.Decrypt(keySalt.Key, setOaemPadding);
                var iV = rsaProvider.Decrypt(keySalt.IV, setOaemPadding);

                //Use the decrypted key and IV in the AES decryptor
                var decryptor = aesAlgorithm.CreateEncryptor(key, iV);

                using (var bufferStream = new MemoryStream())
                using (var cryptoStream = new CryptoStream(bufferStream, decryptor, CryptoStreamMode.Write))
                {
                    cryptoStream.Write(encryptedData, 0, encryptedData.Length);

                    decryptedData = bufferStream.ToArray();

                    Console.WriteLine(Encoding.UTF8.GetString(decryptedData));
                }
            }
        }
    }

*

*Input string: "NET Cryptography".

*Expected output string: "NET Cryptography".

*Output string: "????b!?k?!?     ?+X".


text:
Juan Manuel Rozas (Ciudad Real, 1936 - Madrid, 14 de enero de 1986), fue un escritor y crítico literario español.

Biografía
Estudió filosofía y letras en Zaragoza y cursó la especialidad de Filología Románica en la Complutense, donde se licenció en 1961; al año siguiente es profesor ayudante y después encargado de curso en la Facultad de Letras de la Complutense; se doctora en 1965 con premio extraordinario. Se casó y tuvo cuatro hijos. En 1970 es fundador y director del Departamento de Literatura de la Facultad de Filosofía y Letras de la Universidad Autónoma de Madrid, primero como Agregado interino y después como Agregado numerario. En 1977 es catedrático de la Universidad de Santiago de Compostela y Director del Departamento de Literatura Española. En 1978 es catedrático de la Universidad de Extremadura y Director del Departamento de Literatura. Vivió en Cáceres desde ese año. Vicedecano de la Facultad de Filosofía y Letras. Fundador del Servicio de Publicaciones de esta Universidad. En 1983 es decano de la Facultad de Filosofía y Letras de esta misma Universidad. Fue también Profesor del Instituto de Cultura Hispánica de Madrid, en los Cursos para profesores iberoamericanos y filipinos; de las Universidades norteamericanas en sus programas en Madrid: California, Berkeley, Nueva York, etc.; Profesor de la Universidad Internacional Menéndez Pelayo de Santander; dio un centenar de conferencias y lecciones en otras Universidades españolas y extranjeras.

Trabajó como becario del Consejo Superior de Investigaciones Científicas (CSIC) en 1962 y luego como ayudante científico por oposición. Desde 1966 fue colaborador científico numerario por oposición en el mismo CSIC, en sus secciones de Bibliografía y Teatro. En 1971 investigador Científico numerario, por concurso, en el Instituto «Miguel de Cervantes», del CSIC. En 1965 miembro de Número del Instituto de Estudios Madrileños del Ayuntamiento de Madrid; en 1978 miembro de Número del Instituto de Estudios Manchegos de la Diputación de Ciudad Real, etc. Estuvo en el consejo de redacción de numerosas revistas y colecciones de libros de la especialidad y dirigió la Enciclopedia de Extremadura.

Obras
El Conde de Villamediana. Bibliografía y contribución al estudio de sus textos. Madrid, CSIC, 1964 (Cuadernos bibliográficos, 11)
Cancionero de Mendes Brito. Poesías inéditas del Conde de Villamediana. Madrid, CSIC, 1965
Academia que se celebró en la ciudad de Ciudad Real en 1678. Ciudad Real, Instituto de Estudios Manchegos, 1965
La lengua y la literatura en el CSIC. Madrid, CSIC (en colaboración con Antonio Quilis)
Bartolomé Jiménez Patón. Epítome de la Ortografía latina y castellana. Instituciones de la Gramática española. Estudio y edición. Madrid, CSIC, 1965, «Clásicos Hispánicos» (en colaboración con A. Quilis)
Bretón de los Herreros. Obra dispersa. Logroño. Instituto de Estudios Riojanos, 1965 (en colaboración con J. M. Díez Taboada)
La generación poética de 1927. Estudio, antología y documentación. Madrid, Alcalá, 1966 (en colaboración con Joaquín González Muela)
La generación poética de 1927. Segunda ed., muy ampliada y modificada. Madrid, Alcalá, 1974 «Límina»; 3.ª ed. muy ampliada, Madrid, Istmo, 1986
Conde de Villamediana: CC sonetos. Introducción y textos. Barcelona, Marte, 1967
Conde de Villamediana: Obras (1629). Estudio y edición. Madrid, Castalia, 1969; 2.ª ed., Madrid, Castalia, 1980
Azorín. Castilla. Edición, prólogo y notas. Barcelona, Labor, 1973. «Textos Hispánicos Modernos», 21
La generación del 27 desde dentro. Madrid, Alcalá, 1974 «Límina», 3). 2.ª ed. muy ampliada, Madrid, Istmo, 1986, «Bella Bellatrix»
Significado y doctrina del «Arte nuevo» de Lope. Madrid, SGEL, 1976 (colección «Temas»)
Vida y obra de Villamediana. (en prensa en Ed. Ariel)
Sobre Marino y España. Madrid, Editora Nacional, 1978
El Siglo de Oro. El teatro en tiempos de Lope de Vega. Madrid, UNED, 1976
Historia de la Literatura, I. Madrid, UNED, 1976, 2 vols. (dirección y redacción de ocho capítulos)
El 27 como generación. Santander, La Isla de los Ratones, 1978
Historia de la Literatura, II. Madrid, UNED, 1978, 2 vols. (dirección y redacción de cinco capítulos)
Poesía (1930-1931). Edición facsimilar e introducción, 2 vols., Vaduz, Topos Verlag, 1979
Intrahistoria y literatura. Salamanca, Universidad, Cursos Internacionales, 1980
El grupo poético del 27. Madrid, Cincel, 1980, 2 vols. (en colaboración con G. Torres Nebrera)
Lope de Vega y Felipe IV en el ciclo de senectute. Discurso de apertura del curso 1982-83. Cáceres, Universidad de Extremadura, 1982
Tres secretos (a voces) de la literatura del 27. Cáceres, Publicaciones del Departamento de Literatura, 1983
Los períodos de la bibliografía literaria española (ejemplificados con los bibliógrafos extremeños). Cáceres, Publicaciones del Departamento de Literatura, 1983
Gonzalo de Berceo, Milagros de Nuestra Señora. Ed. Juan Manuel Rozas. Barcelona, Plaza y Janés, «Clásicos», 1986. Reimpresión en Madrid, Libertarias
Estudios sobre Lope de Vega. Edición preparada por Jesús Cañas Murillo. Madrid, Cátedra, 1990
Lope de Vega, Rimas humanas y divinas del Licenciado Tomé de Burguillos. Edición de Juan Manuel Rozas y Jesús Cañas Murillo. Madrid, Castalia, «Clásicos Castalia», en prensa
De la consolación y de sus dioses. La Isla de los Ratones, Santander, 1984
Guadalupe Villarreal y Anónimo de Yuste, Cancionero doble. Ed. de Juan Manuel Rozas. Cáceres, 1985 (Palinodia, n.º 1, anejos de Gálibo)
Ostinato. Badajoz, Diputación Provincial, 1986 (póstumo)
Discurso manual. Cáceres, Ediciones Norba 10004, col. «Teselas» 3

Enlaces externos
 Portal dedicado a Juan Manuel Rozas en la Biblioteca Virtual Miguel de Cervantes

Alumnos de Filosofía y Letras de la Universidad de Zaragoza
Alumnos de Filología de la Universidad Complutense de Madrid
Escritores de España del siglo XX
Filólogos de España
Críticos literarios de España
Escritores en español
Profesores de la Universidad Autónoma de Madrid
Catedráticos de la Universidad de Extremadura
Catedráticos de la Universidad de Santiago de Compostela
Nacidos en Ciudad Real
Investigadores científicos del CSIC
Escritores de la provincia de Ciudad Real
Fallecidos en Madrid

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Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2 Episode 1 Release Date, Preview, and Summary
The Hospital Encounters
Futaro is a high school who is a genius gifted with many talents and has a difficult life. His mother died at his young age, and he became a loner. His father made his life a little difficult by incurring a large amount of debt. Someone rich from the Nakano family got transferred to Futaro school. Since he is a genius, he got lucky and got hired as a highly-paid tutor. Later Futaro finds out that his five charges, identical quintuplet sisters of different personalities, have no interest in learning and have bad grades.
They don't like Futaro to be around since he is a stranger in their apartment. Futaro's quality and care attracted the girls to be convinced and accepted, which started improving their grades. When a day passes, Futaro started to have special relationships with each of the quintuplets. Later after a long-term relationship, he got married to one of the quintuplets.
Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2 Episode 1 Summary and Release Date
Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2 Episode 1 will be released on Friday 8 January 2021, at 1:28 AM JST. This anime is also known by its alternate name as Go-Toubun no Hanayome ∬. More update of this anime is available at www.tbs.co.jp. You can enjoy watching the latest episode of this Anime on Crunchyroll, Funimation, and AnimeLab. You will get the latest episode of this anime every Friday and look at the recent summary below.
Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2
Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2 Episode 1 Summary
When Futaro was doing his sixth grade, he met with Kyoto, who helped him focus on his studies. He later finds out that Kyoto is one of the Nakano Quintuplets. Nakano Quintuplet's sisters look the same with large blue eyes and light reddish hair. Their hairstyle can differentiate them, and they are perfect at impersonating each other and use that to pull a prank or convince someone. All of them were born on 5 May and live together in a rich family.
Their mother treats them fairly and equally, considering them to be five beings in one body. Ichika Nakano is the elder sister who is responsible. She is wiser and thoughtful than the rest, and her dream is to become a movie actress, but she likes skipping classes. She wants to quit school so that she can focus on her acting career. Ichika fell for Futaro and wanted to confess her feelings. Nino gets in her way and confesses her feelings before she does.
Confession:
Ichika tries to get Furato for her self, and she also tries to act as Miku to get Futaro to be hers. Sh e also ruin Miku's chance to express her feelings. Later Futaro reunited with a girl from his past, Yotsuba. Futaro put on a blond wig as a disguise to look the way he used to years ago. Yotsuba realizes that Miku is in love with Futaro and helped her to confess her feelings. Yotsuba did that for Futaro not to chase after her, and he told him that all the times they spent together were lies. She reveals that she was deceiving him and fooling him.
Later they both attend a festival, and she advises Futaro to choose the one he loves and tells him to be more open with his feelings. After 5 years she becomes a famous actress around the world. Nino Nakano is the second sister who has poor eyesight. She has been using glasses for the past three years, but she takes time to put them in. Nini notices that Futaro respects her feelings and wants to see the Nakano quintuplets together as a family.
Futaro's actions make Nino's heart melt melting her heart, and she didn't take time to confess her feeling. She beat all her sisters in it and became the first quintuplet to confess to Futaro successfully. Nino plans an approach that works to gain Futaro's affection. She always fights with her third sister Miku and acts like rivals. When Futaro made his choice, Nino gets angry with Yotsuba.
Futaro's Choice:
Futaro chose to be with Yotsuba, which burns Nino's heart, who wants to destroy their relationship. Nino warns Yotsuba that she will do whatever it takes to win Futaro back. She started to take Yotsuba as a rival, and after 5 years, she started a family business. She opens the Nakano Bakery shop with the help of Miku, renting the old Uesugi restaurant. Miku Nakano is the first girl to fall in love with Futaro.
She is bad at cooking, and she knows that Furato prefers ladies who can cook well. Miku started to learn how to cook and started to chase Futaro. Later she also realizes that it has become a war since all of the sisters are after Futaro. Mike didn't have a good approach towards Futaro and also left them embarrassed. Miku tries to copy Nino's approach, but she fails and accepted that Futaro has his choice.
Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2 Official Trailer
For today that what the youtube trailer and updates have revealed for us. For more updates, you can visit Quintessential Quintuplets Season 2.
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Laserable Materials
Forever Jack
Trotec makes a lasting impression for Forever Jack.
Serving the armed forces with bespoke products
Forever Jack is a business based in County Durham, UK, founded by ex-serviceman Jack in 2014. The company specialises in the creation of bespoke products for the Ministry of Defence, veterans and the armed forces, and are licensed to produce products bearing the insignia of the Royal Air Force, Royal Navy and the British Army, among others.
Over the years, Forever Jack has supported a number of different military charities including Combat Stress and Blind Veterans, while establishing a reputation with its customers as the leader in new ideas for military memorabilia.
Forever Jack's range of products are diverse and use a variety of materials including wood, plastic, glass and graphite. When the business was founded, the team used a mechanical engraving machine to process materials. The machine was an excellent foundation for the business to grow on, however Jack and the other directors were keen to expand on their range of products and offer a more refined engraving than was possible with the mechanical machine. To do this, Jack and the team turned their minds to integrating a laser engraver into the production line.
George Heron, part of the team at Forever Jack, was aware of Trotec with the UK headquarters being located near to Forever Jack's business premises. As the market leader for laser technology, George felt that Trotec could be the solution that Forever Jack was seeking, especially with Trotec's reputation reinforced by a strong customer and technical service network.
During a visit to Trotec's consumables department to collect some cutters for his rotary machine, George began talking to the team about his interest in laser technology and was introduced to Trotec's area manager who took George into the showroom for a demonstration of Trotec's range of lasers.
During the demonstration, George saw a number of lasers in action, including Trotec's entry-level laser cutter and the Speedy series. George was immediately impressed with the technology and following a further conversation with Trotec's area manager, George was convinced that Trotec was the right laser supplier to help to grow the business.
This led to George purchasing Trotec's entry-level laser cutter, which was installed in January 2017.
We are only too happy to tell others how having a Trotec laser has improved our business profile and helped us secure a very strong customer base. The laser cutter is an excellent addition to our working process that allows us to achieve excellent results in the optimal time. My only regret is not opting for the larger Speedy 300 model. However, I cannot fault our experience with the machine or Trotec as a company

George Heron
Cementing a reputation
The laser has exceeded all expectations since its installation at Forever Jack. Whilst the mechanical engraving machine is still used for selected applications, the laser has become the dominant method of processing for the team.
The range of products in Forever Jack's portfolio has expanded tenfold with the addition of the laser, with some products added to the range that would not be possible without the technology. The team can now easily process bespoke orders for customers, from name badges and awards to giftware including hip flasks and collectable lighters. The speed of the laser allows for a quick turn around on these orders with outstanding engraving results.
Among the notable customers to commission Forever Jack is the Royal Navy, who commissioned three unique plaques that were to be presented to a detachment in the Falkland Islands, the plaques received excellent feedback from the Navy. George and the team have also produced identification plates for restored classic Aston Martin cars owned by both private individuals and museums alike.
George has spoken highly of Trotec since his purchase of the laser. Trotec's area manager has been readily available to offer support since the laser was purchased, installing the machine and helping George and the team with the process to create their products, as well as calling in on-site several times to offer support.
Currently, Forever Jack is looking at new ways to expand the product line to incorporate more laserable gifts. George has even remarked how the laser allows the team to be adventurous with their ideas, as almost anything is possible thanks to the laser.
We have used many Trotec materials including the wood range and TroGlitter series of acrylics. The range is excellent and the amount of materials available gives us the opportunity to try out different materials to develop products to complement our existing range.
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Robinson David Chirinos Gonzalez (né le  à Punto Fijo, Falcón, Venezuela) est un receveur des Ligues majeures de baseball jouant pour les Rangers du Texas.

Carrière
Robinson Chirinos signe son premier contrat professionnel peu après son  en 2000, avec les Cubs de Chicago. Après plusieurs saisons sous contrat avec la franchise et quelques années en ligues mineures, il est transféré aux Rays de Tampa Bay le  dans la transaction, impliquant plusieurs joueurs, qui envoie le lanceur Matt Garza chez les Cubs.

Chirinos, un receveur, fait ses débuts dans les majeures avec les Rays le . À sa première présence au bâton, il réussit son premier coup sûr : un double aux dépens du lanceur A. J. Burnett des Yankees de New York. Chirinos frappe son premier coup de circuit le 3 août contre Carlos Villanueva. Il termine sa première année avec un circuit et sept points produits en 20 matchs des Rays. Il réussit 12 coups sûrs dont un circuit et compte 7 points produits en 20 matchs joués pour les Rays en 2011.

Il subit une commotion cérébrale après avoir reçu une fausse balle sur son masque de receveur et rate toute la saison de baseball 2012. Après avoir effectué un bref retour au jeu avec les Navegantes del Magallanes de la Ligue vénézuélienne, il est échangé aux Rangers du Texas par les Rays le .

Chirinos est le receveur le plus utilisé des Rangers au cours des saisons 2014 et 2015.

Notes et références

Liens externes
  Profil de Robinson Chirinos sur le site des Ligues majeures de baseball.
  Statistiques de Robinson Chirinos sur Baseball-Reference.

Naissance en juin 1984
Joueur vénézuélien de baseball
Joueur des Rays de Tampa Bay
Joueur des Rangers du Texas
Receveur des ligues majeures de baseball


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BAck to the 80s with Ben & Jensen
If, like myself, you still have frequent urges (to go back to the 80s, that is!), and you yearn for a mighty sax solo, a Phil Collins drum break, or excessive reverb, then you're going to thoroughly enjoy this video!
For those of you who grew up in the the greatest decade ever, (chances are you did if you've landed on this page) you can be forgiven for thinking to yourself "Who the heck are Ben and Jensen?". Well, until today, I had no idea either. So I'm sure you're dying to find out who they are, exactly?
Well, they are comedy actor/director Ben Giroux and hip-hop songwriter/artist Jensen Reed, who have amassed over 100 million Youtube views with their comedy hip-hop videos. In 2017, they released their "Back to the 90s" music video, which amassed 95 million views on Facebook and charted at #11 on the Billboard charts in the U.S.
On August 26th 2019, after two years of hard work, Ben and Jensen released their opus music video "Back to the 80s", that covers the most, like, totally rad decade ever! It's a truly epic parody celebration of the entire 80s decade, which features their alter ego faux hair band: WET LEATHER.
Now, the duo are not wrong when they use the often over-used word "epic". The video is a truly awesome and creative piece of work which is packed to the rafters with references to the music, films, cartoons, TV shows, toys, computers and food we all loved back in the 80s. The video answers the most cliched, rage-inducing question asked by young people today "Like, what did people even DO back then?".
"Hold my fruit punch!". You're jaw will be dropping to the floor when we show you in the most spectacular way, young person, with our totally rad parody video!
I have to say that the lyrics are truly hilarious, and the line in the chorus "Take me back tonight, my pants are really tight" had me splitting my sides - and almost my pants, although they're not too tight these days, thankfully, particularly as gravity has done its finest work on my gonads. Although it is obviously aimed at an American audience, as a Brit, there is still so much here that I can relate to and chuckle about.
Sometimes when reviewing comedy videos I find myself struggling to find the joke, and, therefore, having to be polite so as not to upset the creators. But seriously, this is truly excellent work, and it's the funniest and most creative 80s parody video I've ever seen on Youtube. I sincerely hope these guys gain another 100 million views.
According to the duo, "Back to the 80s" took over two years to create, featuring 50 custom sets and multiple iconic vehicles from the 80s -- filmed over the course of six months. Well, it shows, and may I congratulate you both for the amazing time and effort you put into this.
All that's left for me to say is hold on to your mullets and enjoy this like, totally awesome epic video, dude!
Subscribe to Ben Giroux: http://bit.ly/1QvsBWC
Subscribe to Jensen Reed: http://bit.ly/1LNMYtT
Get your "Back to the 80s" and "Back to the 90s" Merch: https://teespring.com/stores/benandje...
Follow Ben & Jensen: Official Site: http://BenAndJensen.com
You can also follow the duo on Instagram and Facebook


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Processing raw cotton in a textile enterprise in PakistanCopyright© Thomas Köhler/photothek.net
Background: The world trade system
In the 20th century, technological progress in communication and production lifted the borders between countries, and the interconnectedness of the world has been steadily increasing ever since. Whether it is research, accounting, marketing, sales or production - almost every place in the world is now considered as a production site or sales market. In view of the growing economic integration, however, it has also become clear that international rules are needed in order to make world trade free and fair, because for most developing countries, the liberalisation of world trade has not yet brought about the improvements hoped for. more - Background: The world trade system
Trade can be a key driver of development. Many developing countries are increasingly integrated into global supply chains. And, for many trading partners, the European Union is a significant export market. If trading with these countries is to actually help them achieve sustainable development, it is vital that EU trade agreements incorporate social, environmental and human rights standards and that they take account of the current level of development of the trading partner concerned. A development-friendly EU trade policy is therefore a valuable tool in making world trade more just and more sustainable. more - EU trade policy
German activities: From free trade to fair trade
One aim of German development policy is to contribute to establishing a stable and socially responsible world economic order. An open and fair trading system, which is based on clear rules and enables developing countries to integrate in global value chains, is a key element of the global partnership envisaged by Germany. To achieve this goal, some important institutions and agreements that regulate the world economy need to be developed further. At international conferences and in negotiations, the German government speaks out in favour of giving more weight to the interests of developing countries and emerging economies so that their products have a chance to compete on the global market. more - German activities: From free trade to fair trade
Further information on world trade
The following list contains a selection of documents and websites with further information on world trade. more - Further information on world trade
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When it comes to productivity, it's about more than simply prioritizing tasks and effective delegation. Calendar management and realistic scheduling is vital to a productive workplace, and a productive person overall.
It's so easy to get caught up with a task that you don't realize how much time it is taking you, or you allow time to roll over, which was scheduled for another tasks or meeting. This isn't the sign of someone who is either organized or professional! To help you out, there are 7 calendar and scheduling tips to save time and keep you organized.
You do not need to go to every single meeting that comes your way. Some meetings are a waste of time, some go on for far too long. If you're chairing a meeting, keep it on topic and don't allow it to overrun. If you're scheduling meetings, look carefully at whether you really need to go, or whether you can send apologies and ask for notes.
It's easy to have a million things on your mind to add to your calendar when you get back into the office, but how many of them slip through your memory? Probably more than a few. Keep your calendar updated in real time, to avoid forgetting anything important. If need be, jot things down in the notes section of your phone and update your calendar when you get back to the office. It's far too easy to double book yourself!
It's easy to think you can do four jobs in one day, but how can you account for possible interruptions or long-winded telephone calls? You can't. For that reason, be realistic whenever you are scheduling in work or events, and don't try and cram too much in, simply to tick items off your to do list. It's about doing more in a quality way, not simply doing more any old how. Also, be realistic with how long a job is going to take.
Whether or not you consider it urgent, there are bound to be odd tasks which are nagging at the back of your mind every day. It is easy to forget them or allow them to affect your productivity levels. For that reason, have an hour or so set aside every single day for any urgent tasks which come in unexpectedly, or for general admin. Those admin tasks have a habit of getting out of control and becoming a huge issue otherwise.
Whenever you are scheduling an event or a meeting, think about the things that could go wrong. This isn't about being negative, it's about having a contingency plan. For instance, if you have to travel across town, what if there is a traffic jam? If you've not counted in possible time for this, you're going to be late for your next appointment. Having a slight amount of buffer time will avoid any issues.
It's easy to have several calendars on the go, and possibly even a paper diary, but this is just increasing the chances of double-booking and confusion. Stick to one calendar and sync it with all your devices, so you can easily update it wherever you are. If you have an assistant, give them access to this calendar and make sure they know to use only that one particular package.
If you're busy working on a task, it can be easy to become absorbed in it and forget that you're supposed to be down the corridor in the meeting room or making an important call. Set up reminders and alerts on your calendar to let you know when a new scheduled appointment or task is about to start. This will give you enough time to wrap up what you're doing, reschedule if need be, and get to where you're supposed to go.
These are seven easy tasks to help you schedule your working life much more effectively.


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The Tishrin Dam (, , ) is a dam on the Euphrates, located  east of Aleppo in Aleppo Governorate, Syria. The dam is  high and has 6 water turbines capable of producing 630 MW. Construction lasted between 1991 and 1999. Rescue excavations in the area that would be flooded by the dam's reservoir have provided important information on ancient settlement in the area from the Pre-Pottery Neolithic A (PPNA) period upward.

Characteristics of the dam and the reservoir

The Tishrin Dam is a hydroelectric rock-fill dam on the Euphrates, located upstream from the much larger Tabqa Dam. The dam is  high and has 6 turbines capable of producing 630 MW. Annual power production of the Tishrin Dam is expected to be 1.6 billion kilowatt hour. The capacity of the  long reservoir is , which is small compared to the capacity of Lake Assad of  directly downstream from the Tishrin Dam. Apart from the Euphrates, the Tishrin Dam reservoir is also fed by the Sajur River.

Construction started in 1991 and was completed in 1999. One reason for the construction of the Tishrin Dam was the lower than expected power output of the hydroelectrical power station at the Tabqa Dam. This disappointing performance can be attributed to the lower than expected water flow in the Euphrates as it enters Syria from Turkey. Lack of maintenance may also have been a cause. The Tishrin Dam is the last of three dams that Syria has built on the Euphrates. The other two dams are the Tabqa Dam, finished in 1973, and the Baath Dam, finished in 1986. In the 2000s, Syria had plans to build a fourth dam on the Euphrates between Raqqa and Deir ez-Zor – the Halabiye Dam.

Rescue excavations in the Tishrin Dam Reservoir region
The Tishrin Dam Reservoir has flooded an area in which numerous archaeological sites were located. To preserve or document as much information from these sites as possible, archaeological excavations were carried out at 15 of them during construction of the dam. Among the oldest excavated and now flooded sites is Jerf el Ahmar, where a French mission worked between 1995 and 1999. Their work revealed that the site had been occupied between 9200 and 8700 BC at the end of the Pre-Pottery Neolithic A period and the beginning of the Pre-Pottery Neolithic B. In its multiple occupation phases, the site contained a sequence of round and rectangular buildings. In the later occupation levels of the site, a number of buildings have been excavated that were partly dug into the soil and had stone walls. Their size, internal division, decoration and the finds of human skulls as foundation deposits led the excavators to suggest that these buildings had a communal function. These finds were deemed so important that in 1999, flooding of the Tishrin Dam Reservoir was postponed for two weeks so that three houses could be dismantled and rebuilt in a museum near the site.

Syrian Civil War
On 26 November 2012, rebel fighters captured the dam from Syrian Government forces of President Bashar al-Assad during a battle of the Syrian Civil War. The dam's capture cut off a major government supply line to and from Raqqa, while unifying stretches of rebel territory on either side of the Euphrates River. The dam's capture also cut off one of the last government supply lines to Aleppo, further encircling soldiers fighting in the city. In September 2014, ISIL captured the dam from rebel forces. In December 2015, the Syrian Democratic Forces captured the dam from ISIL.

See also

Water resources management in Syria

Notes

References

External links
 Jerf el-Ahmar website

Hydroelectric power stations in Syria
Dams in Syria
Dams on the Euphrates River
Dams completed in 1999
Buildings and structures in Aleppo Governorate
Crossings of the Euphrates
1999 establishments in Syria


As an international student, you may be eligible for some of the merit scholarships offered by the College. Merit scholarships are based on your academic performance prior to attending the College. Please contact the Office of Financial Aid to determine if you qualify.
All awards are based upon full-time enrollment each semester, unless otherwise indicated. Recipients must be accepted for enrollment or full-time matriculated students, maintaining standards of satisfactory academic progress. All awards are subject to adjustment due to changes in enrollment status or private funds.
The Office of Financial Aid will evaluate eligibility annually, based upon issuance of final grades for spring term. Awards will be renewed on a first-come, first-served basis until funds are expended. Awards will not be renewed to students with incomplete financial aid paperwork after May 1.
Presidential Scholarships, Dean's Scholarships, Trustee Scholarships and Trustee Grants will be renewed for a maximum of 11 semesters for entering freshmen students pursuing the Doctor of Pharmacy degree.
Presidential Scholarships, Dean's Scholarships, Trustee Scholarships, Trustee Grants, Pharmaceutical Sciences Scholars Awards, Biomedical Technology Excel Awards, Health and Human Sciences Awards, and Trustee Scholarships for students in Bachelor's Degree programs will be renewed for a maximum of seven semesters.
A student's enrollment status for determining financial aid eligibility and student loan deferment includes only courses required for degree fulfillment. Courses in which a student is enrolled that are not required for her/his degree program do not qualify for payment or student loan deferment.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Presidential Scholarships. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College based upon superior academic achievement in high school. The Presidential Scholarship is renewed each year provided the student maintains a cumulative overall GPA of 3.2 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Dean's Scholarships. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College based upon honorable academic achievement in high school. The Dean's Scholarship is renewed each year provided the student maintains an overall cumulative GPA of 3.0 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Merit Scholarship. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College based upon honorable academic achievement in high school. The Merit Scholarship is renewed each year provided the student maintains an overall cumulative GPA of 2.9 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Trustee Merit Scholarship. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College based upon honorable academic achievement in high school. The Merit Scholarship is renewed each year provided the student maintains an overall cumulative GPA of 2.8 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Valedictorian Scholarship. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College who were ranked first in their class by their high school. The Merit Scholarship is renewed each year provided the student maintains an overall cumulative GPA of 2.7 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Salutatorian Scholarship. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College who were ranked second in their class by their high school. The Merit Scholarship is renewed each year provided the student maintains an overall cumulative GPA of 2.7 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences New Visions Scholarship. ACPHS offers tuition scholarships to qualified entering freshmen upon admission to the College and based upon completion of the New Visions Program, offered through the Board of Cooperative Educational Services of New York State, beginning the Fall 2013. The New Visions Scholarship is renewable for up to three years provided the student maintains an overall cumulative GPA of 2.7 or better.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Biomedical Technology Excel Award. ACPHS offers merit-based scholarships to qualified entering freshmen, upon admission to the College in the bachelor's degree programs in Biomedical Technology or Pharmaceutical Sciences, who exhibit honorable academic achievement in high school. The Biomedical Technology Excel Award is renewed for a maximum of four years, provided the student maintains a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or greater and continued enrollment in the Biomedical Technology or Pharmaceutical Sciences programs. This award will be discontinued should the student change his/her program of study. Intel International Science and Engineering award recipients will be considered for this award.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Pharmaceutical Sciences Scholarship. ACPHS offers merit-based scholarships to qualified entering freshmen, upon admission to the College in the bachelor's degree program in Pharmaceutical Sciences, who exhibit honorable academic achievement in high school. The Pharmaceutical Sciences Scholarship is renewed for a maximum of four years, provided the student maintains a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or greater and continued enrollment in Pharmaceutical Sciences program. This award will be discontinued should the student change his/her program of study.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Health and Human Sciences Award. ACPHS offers merit-based awards to qualified entering freshmen, upon admission to the College in the bachelor's degree program in Health and Human Sciences. The Health and Human Sciences Award is offered to freshmen who exhibit honorable academic achievement in high school. This award may renewed for a maximum of four years, provided the student maintains a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or greater and he/she maintains continuous enrollment in Health and Human Sciences program. This award will be discontinued should the student change his/her program of study.
Albany College of Pharmacy Microbiology Scholarship. ACPHS offers merit-based scholarships to qualified entering freshmen, upon admission to the College in the bachelor's degree program in Microbiology, who exhibit honorable academic achievement in high school. The Microbiology Scholarship is renewed each year, provided the student maintains a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or greater and continued enrollment in Microbiology. This award will be discontinued should the student change his/her program of study.
Albany College of Pharmacy Public Health Scholarship. ACPHS offers merit-based scholarships to qualified entering freshmen, upon admission to the College in the bachelor's degree program in Public Health, who exhibit honorable academic achievement in high school. The Public Health Scholarship is renewed each year, provided the student maintains a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or greater and continued enrollment in Public Health. This award will be discontinued should the student change his/her program of study.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Dean's Endowment for Excellence Scholarship. Each year the committee representing the Dean's Endowment for Excellence Scholarship selects one entering freshman for the scholarship. The recipient must be one of the top 10 freshmen applicants to the College for the given year. The scholarship is awarded on the basis of academic merit. The scholarship will be renewed for a maximum of six years or until the student leaves or graduates from the College. The student must maintain a 3.0 overall cumulative GPA for continued renewal of the scholarship. The recipient is encouraged to participate in the program of the annual Dean's Cup Golf Tournament each summer. Renewed eligibility for the scholarship will be reviewed annually.
Albany College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences Phi Theta Kappa Scholarship. The Phi Theta Kappa Scholarship is awarded to graduates of a 2 year community college, who are members of Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society program. The student must maintain a 2.8 overall cumulative GPA and full-time enrollment for continued renewal of the scholarship.


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Q: Remove script tags using javascript or php The title may not be very clear but I will clearly explain my problem here.
I am designing a website for my institute in which I had to provide a editor where user can create html pages and save them to certain folder (user wouldn't know the exact folder, it's created using php while registration). I have decided to use ck-editor for the editor purpose. To save the data I send a post request using ajax to a php script which simply uses

file_put_contents("folder/file_name.html",$_POST['data'])

To show the pages view_page.php accepts the file name as a get variable and then includes the html file e.g.
URL:

view_post.php?file_path=user/good.html

PHP CODE:
<?php
    try{
        @include_once("ed423eba62af16d6ab38cbfd2295b304/".$_GET['file_name']);
    }
    catch(Exception $e){
        echo "Can't find the requested file.";
    }
?>

Now the problem I am facing is that if user submits data that contains some script tags I have to make sure that the script tags doesn't get saved or doesn't run when the page loads. How can I do that?

A: You can try strip_tags() - http://www.php.net/strip_tags or HTML Purifier - http://htmlpurifier.org/
I would suggest HTML Purifier.