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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Thunderdome 2016teen: Fast Writing, Bad Writing
SkaAndScreenplays
by FactsAreUseless
IN WITHDRUM KITS, SAMURAI SWORDS AND MCAT: AT A SEX PARTY WITH BARACK OBAMA IN WILLIAMSBURG
EDIT: Seoul was deemed too tame for my talents, reassigned to Colonial Virginia. Give me a flash-rule for the edit.
SkaAndScreenplays fucked around with this message at Aug 24, 2016 around 20:02
# ? Aug 24, 2016 02:17
Fuschia tude
THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
PALE SPECTRES posted:
since my first crit of this was basically i dont like eggs here is an
*~!alt crit!~*
of To Make an Omelet
k so the problem with this title tho actually is that it puts the reader in the following mindset. is this story in best friend monster week going to be about an egg monster friend? then hes just like yes. it mite not sound like a big deal but its just like, less anxiety of information or w/e is not helpful to how a story is processed. it just isnt
also its mommy, not mummy. a mummy is an old egyptian dead thing with bandages
geospatially her hiding place is under the porch. this is realistically not far enough from wherever the photo would be taken for cries of her name to grow "quieter and less insistent"
blocking wise "she reached out to touch it and it moved" "it scooted out of her grasp" if it moved before she touched it it would never b in her grasp
having her hurl someth at the egg makes her seem like a dick, espesh since this is someth humankind has never encountered
how does the hand reach out of the egg? does it fold out of like folds of egg shell skin? does it break through in a cracking motion? i suspect you didnt really think about it which is why you didnt describe it
you finally get around to describing the egg halfway thru the story which is bad but even worse is that its literally just an egg making the description pointless
you describe how it transforms which is a pro move but its the sort of description that should have been used throughout the story
ig big dolly and little dolly are dolls? ig they are cuz of their name. theyre not important at all tho
"He never complained, never asked for food or water. She didn't think to ask how he lived. He simply was." this should be an important biological fact or psychological insight into her character but it rly is neither of those things. its rly just a handwave to keep the story going
do "always hid" instead of "always seemed to hid" what do you get out of seemed to?
ig the egg ring thing is foreshadowing that this is time loop messery. if so thats not the most atrocious foreshadowing this week
here it feels like there mite be consequences for standing too much but there never are. ig its cuz of egg magic? w/e
"soon she could walk without it. (She did that sometimes, anyway. But it was too tiring to walk for long without it.)" awkward phrase redundancy
ok so i thought the photograph meant it was a time loop. but like, i mean, this is for school. the mom photograph is someth else. it took me two readings to realize that
EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN THIS STORY IS POINTLESS
the eggs friendship was as disposable as flash fiction stories posted on the internet
this is not a precedent that if you complain about my crit you get another ok?
Thank you again spec
Sailor Viy
THUNDERDOME LOSER
In with HOW MOSCOW'S VINE IS FULL OF ABUSED PIG FARMERS
flerp
flerp posted:
offering five line by lines for any story
first come first serve one per customer newbies more than welcome
hi someone take this last crit i have all the rest done and if u ask for it in like the next hour or two ill be able to post them tonight so please take it u dinguses.
Thranguy
With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls,
For stony limits cannot hold
H U L K A M A N I A
SUPER SUMMERSLAM
THUNDERDOME 2019
Okay, fine.
http://writocracy.com/thunderdome/?story=4877&title=9
the pact is sealed. chili, echo cian, quid pro quo, muffin and thranguy, your crits are here. i hope you enjoy my ramblings and maybe find them useful who even knows anymore
https://docs.google.com/document/d/...dit?usp=sharing
College kids ain't shit
Fun Shoe
Thanks flerp! Didn't know the dialogue thing was an issue at all. Definitely will work on it.
The Cut of Your Jib
Lazy Beggar posted:
Chasing That
I was listening to the recent IDEOTV podcast about symbolism in the Dan Brownian mindset.
You identified a lot of symbols, but you made absolutely no effort to figure anything out. So, crit for tat, you're lucky that I also said, "ah gently caress it," and decided to really delve into this one.
Your little creature behaves like the dumb, baby ghost thing in the Hulu stoner show Deadbeat or maybe the cartoon version of Slimer. It could have been cute, but you're dealing with addiction (and criminal impulses) so you can't just take your story at face-value as a kiddie adventure. Right out of the gate you drop a c-bomb; so you're inviting, if not a grown-up reading, at least an adolescent one.
It might just be me, and sometimes a man stroking his one-eyed whale is just a man stroking his one-eyed whale. Then again, it might not.
So please enjoy my thoughts along with loads of out-of-context quotes from the er, seminal masterpiece Moby-Dick (and a few Moby lyrics).
Herman Melville posted:
What the white whale was to Ahab, has been hinted; what, at times, he was to me, as yet remains unsaid.
My mind wasn't what it used to be. I had been a scientist.
Melville posted:
is it for these reasons that there is such a dumb blankness, full of meaning, in a wide landscape of snows- a colorless, all-color of atheism from which we shrink?
Real smart kid. I read rather than watched. Science is observation? Even engineering and maths are applied science, which means doing something with the knowledge. So, TV BAD I guess Had friends, knew people when I walked down the street. Now I just tried to stay clean. The council of what? helped me. Well they created something to help. First time I saw it, I thought I was high. if mad science in this world is used as government sanctioned rehabilitation surely your character would know about it. If it's magic, then why did they summon some demon/angel for this moronic reason? Waste of magic It's about as long as my bony forearm. It has the body of a whale, The baculum of a dwarf sperm whale is about the size and shape of a human ulna but with just one enormous eye covering most of its head. Mike Wazowski, Mike Wazowski, Mike Wazowski No mouth and a pair of feathered wings.
"What is that?" I said. I might have peppered my question with some profanities. You don't forget them. you did, apparently
"Your new best friend," said some double-glazing time to make the donuts stinkyhole from the council. Reference to the sacred feminine. lol, j/k more like Georgia O'Queef, amirite?
Still, she was tolerably tight, and but little more than the ordinary pumping of a morning served to keep her free.
EAye, but he was right. This little monster was my guardian angel. I didn't want one. Who wants an eye on them all the time? This entire dynamic makes no sense. Is this thing a scarlet letter, or a parole officer looking over your shoulder, or a counselor to help you kick addiction? This eyeball whale is created to do something—but it's never clear what exactly. So it must be a metaphor. I see
I got used to that eye.
It was not an eye like Harry's tho' Harry's was large and womanly. It shone with a soft and spiritual radiance, like a moist star in a tropic sky;
Had to name it. My parole officer supervisory agent right here, critter not needed suggested Moby.
In the fishery, they usually go by the generic name of Gay-Headers.
Moby seemed to like it. Sorted. When I watched TV he would land on my lap and lie there all night. He would get frightened when I watched sports. Couldn't help myself. Something about an athlete messing up gets me going. Help, I watched sports-man knock the bar down with his peen and I don't understand these feelings I'm having I would apologise and he would come back, mollified for a while. Until the next mistake made me boil. I stopped watching sport. Wasn't fair on Moby.
He would hum over his old rigadig tunes while flank and flank with the most exasperated monster.
Moby's back felt horrible to stroke, but his wings were pleasant to touch. It wasn't long until I was stroking those wings compulsively while my ego was replaced with that craving. OK, I'm working out those feelings, one stroke at a time One time when I almost gave in to it, Moby, flew at me and my poison,
"Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me,"
knocking it on the floor. I cursed. I swiped at him. you're such a naughty boy Still regret that.
But before I could get on my knees,
that-every time my heels went up and my head went down
he had knocked over an open bottle of beer.
As for the taste of it, I can only describe it as answering to the name itself; which is certainly significant of something vile. But it is drunk in large quantities by the poor people about Liverpool, which, perhaps, in some degree, accounts for their poverty.
No chance of a high now. I had a good greet. oi guv, let's pop down to the pub and get high on a few pints, wot? It took a while before I could talk to him again. When I did, I apologised. And thanked him. He came back to my lap.
To do her a good, I had periled myself. So down, down, Aleema.
go down in the dark.
Melville quoting Dryden posted:
And give no chance, but swallow in the fry,
Which through their gaping jaws mistake the way."
I worked at a local college in the evenings. Sweeping and the like. Sometimes I would linger at the door of at teaching room when there was a night class on. how do you like them apples? Didn't take long before I felt like an idiot.
one of those natures, anomalously vicious, which would almost tempt a metaphysical lover of our species to doubt whether the human form be, in all cases, conclusive evidence of humanity,
Especially with Moby about. People knew what he meant. A fall from grace. I guess your character is the only person in the world with DWIs or something? There should be a slew of flying monsters around I tried not to resent him for what others thought. But I did. I also knew he was the only thing stopping me from falling further. how? Aside from allowing you some frenzied wing-stroking it doesn't do anything to help He could tell when I was upset with him. I tried to console him, but he would be sad for days. ♫ Why does my heart feel so bad? ♫ This is a bad guardian angel (or whatever it is)
I walked to work. I wasn't permitted to drive with my record. No harm. One evening, I walked past a group of dolled up girls.
No wonder that in old times sperm was such a favorite cosmetic. Such a clearer! such a sweetener! such a softener; such a delicious mollifier!
Upon the whole, aided by the resources of the toilet, her appearance at distance was such, that some might have thought her, if anything, rather beautiful, though of a style of beauty rather peculiar and cactus-like.
I avoided looking at them. I didn't want to cause offence, and didn't like the thoughts in my head when I looked. But they saw me.
all you had to do was to go up and kill them: they were too frightened to resist.
"Disgusting. Why are they allowed to be out alone?"
"If only he was alone! People are grossed out by the familiar and not the character, so what is the point? That slimy gremlin is an abomination."
so you added some extra description here. Lesse: bony forearm, whale body, one eye, no mouth, feathered wings for a sportsdude to stroke, moby, slimy, gremlin
That ought to do it
a being from some other sphere. His tastes were our abominations;
"Tell me about it. I feel sick." qft
I marched past them as quickly as possible. Moby wasn't for it though.
Rely upon it, he will fight you to the hilt, for his bony blade has never a scabbard.
He stayed behind. He swooped about their faces and tangled himself in one of their nests of hair. She screamed.
the scene which had just occurred admonished me of the danger of trifling with the wayward and passionate spirits against whom it was vain to struggle, and might even be fatal to do go.
The other two laughed, keeping their distance. Moby struggled to free himself, but couldn't. The girl slapped at him.
had a strange way of touching, as by accident, the arm or hand of comely young men, and seemed to reap a secret delight from it,
No luck freeing him either. I ran back with a belly full of crushing sickness.
Beat thy belly, then, and wag thy ears. Jig it, men, I say;
I didn't need any more reminding that I was a low life sack of poo poo.
Melville quoting Plutarch posted:
down it goes all incontinently
I set about freeing Moby from his hirsute prison. hair jail=hair gel= you get the idea
Her hair was of a deep, rich chestnut, but worn in close, short curls all round her head. Her Indian figure was not without its impairing effect on her bust, while her mouth would have been pretty but for a trace of moustache.
It didn't take long. I swear this never happens
"Don't touch me! Ugh. Get away from me!"
I apologised and fled the scene. Who knows what sort of trouble I'd get into if I lingered.
She was almost mortally stabbed;
and, after vaguely lingering a while, with another shower of incomprehensible compliments and apologies, tripped like a fairy from the chamber.
I was furious with Moby. Isn't your flying eyeball supposed to be keeping a literal eye on your character, keeping him out of trouble? Why is it assaulting people, anyway?
"It's quite cute actually," one of the laughing girls said before I escaped. "Abnormal? Yeah, but still cute."
It was an aromatic sword; like the ancient caliph's, giving out a peculiar musky odor by friction.
I turned around, and she smiled. At me. I know it didn't mean much to her. But god, it meant a lot to me. Probably smiled at Moby actually. Either way it reminded me of kindness. I didn't fall in love with her or anything. But it felt like it. I made a mess in a streetwalker's hair and mistook her pity for validation
And love, which in the eye of its object ever seeks to invest itself with some rare superiority, love, sometimes induced me to prop my failing divinity; though it was I myself who had undermined it.
EAye, and I remembered those highs too. Those scummy episodes forever intertwined with happiness. I forgot my anger for Moby. I felt lucky for the first time in a long time. You just have to remember it isn't all poo poo, all the time.
Dunderfunk is made of hard biscuit, hashed and pounded, mixed with beef fat, molasses, and water, and baked brown in a pan.
I wonder if Moby was upset that they thought I was disgusting or he was an abomination? Probably a bit of both. He can be quite sensitive. refractory period And protective.
assisted by two allies, heavily backs the grandissimus, as the mariners call it,
The mincer now stands before you invested in the full canonicals of his calling. Immemorial to all his order, this investiture alone will adequately protect him,
For small erections may be finished by their first architects; grand ones, true ones, ever leave the copestone to posterity.
he who declared he loved a good hater was but a respectable sort of Hottentot
Lazy Beggar
The Cut of Your Jib posted:
Thanks for that. Some effort.
More creativity in your dissection of the work than in the work itself.
a friendly penguin
trolling for fish
For some reason I really hate the idea that there are stories submitted to TD that haven't been critiqued. Because, honestly, if someone didn't want some feedback, there is no reason to suffer the pain of Thunderdome… unless they're just some weird person who likes pain.
Anyway, so I'll be doing critiques over a few days here for people who probably don't care. Deal with walls of text!
Round 1: Zero Year by Canadian Surf Club
While this is definitely better than Rose Wreck's story, who you were brawling against in round 1 of this week, it's still not a great story. First of all, there's not much in the way of character building and second of all, your grammar and flow go to hell when you start the action sequence. It's as if you got caught up in the excitement yourself and failed to read your sentences.
"The brute wasn't done, closing the distant and thrashing like something primal had opened up within him, his face set stern but his beady eyes open wide and wild."
Beside the distant/distance problem, the opening half of the sentence doesn't go with the second half. And your noir inspired similes don't quite sound natural. I don't believe that they're coming from the point of view of a hard bitten PI.
You were obviously limited by story length here and the amount of time you had to write it, but this story is much bigger than 840 words can hold and because of that, we get very little character growth and little explanation of exactly who is who and what they mean in relation to everyone else.
And even though all of this is critical, I think it started off really well. You've got just the right amount of cynical reflection and story progressing information to get the reader interested. Just wish you had more space to spread out.
As Gouda Title as Any by Jeza
500 words, had to be amusing and contain cheese in some way: this is a hard prompt. I must admit that I smiled at the really bad Camembert pun (I really, really like puns, even ones that don't quite qualify) but that was about it. Comedy is hard.
I can see this being funny with some visual comedy, some ironic twists to your descriptions of "man with rake" and so on, but you are working with words here. Because you don't have time to characterize any of the people in your work, they're all stock characters and you rely too much on stereotypes to be amusing. But that's not going to be too amusing with this audience. LOL, British people talk funny isn't going to take you very far.
I think with such a short word count, you needed to choose one aspect of the news story to really delve into for the humor. There's probably a ton of comedy gold in a cheese factory explosion that you didn't even touch because you went straight to interviews. It would have been better to do one thing to the point of absurdism than try to cover so many different angles: blaming a misunderstanding of the volatility of American cows vs British cows and using that to delve into the cultural differences of the people might have been interesting and amusing if done right. Not that I could do it right either, but it has potential.
Regardless, I think you tried to do too much with too few words and your story and audience suffered for it.
Coyote Country by Space Godzilla
I think it was a genius idea to write this story from the point of view of Coyote. I would never have thought that way from the prompt, but it works extremely well.
"It is I, Coyote, and it seems you've caught me. For that, I will briefly reward you with my attention."
Pure Coyote! And I love it. I think you've almost nailed Coyote's self-indulgent attitude, his pseudo-promises and his greatness. It's all very succinct and moves the story right along.
Your opening and closing paragraphs are what need work. In coyote stories there usually is a bit of an introduction, but it really only works if you know what kind of story it is ahead of time. Here though, it's almost boring to the reader. I wish you had spent a little more time with the coyotes mauling the woman. This action seems too abrupt and insignificant. Whereas it should have more meaning.
Your folk singer needed to have a little more character to her as well if you wanted her death to have an impact or to make this the "sad tale" you claim it is in your second sentence. We feel as remote from her as Coyote does and so there is no emotion associated with her death.
Your last line is no good. At least I didn't like it and think it was completely extraneous. Overall, amusing and a great idea but needs a bit more detail.
Fat Cat by Bug Bill Murray
I wouldn't take that as a damning critique because I'm fairly thick when it comes to narratives that aren't straightforward. You set a very good tone and your scene setting is great. I definitely feel as if I am in their house.
But it took me way too long to figure out that this was from the point of view of Langley and I have no idea why he acts the way he does. I did not read the Wikipedia article about the death. I only read the snippet attached to your story. And that should be all I need to get something out of the story. I'm just confused and the descriptions, though engrossing, don't grow the story. In the end, the action is very simple. So you're resting on your tone a lot.
Your last paragraph changes in tone though. That might have been intentional since the character has entered into a different state of mind, but it doesn't seem to flow naturally.
All of my comments are just disjointed observations since I can't really form a coherent understanding of your story. So take them or leave them.
Thinking Man's End by Manouverable
I think you chose the wrong person to tell this story. In this instance, the person who died was pretty passive in the whole affair. As opposed to some of the other deaths in this prompt where you have to wonder, "just what were they thinking" with this death, you're left with someone just thinking all of the usual things that one would think in this situation. Which makes for a pretty boring story.
It had the potential to be an interesting story told from Chapman's perspective as long as you did a decent job of juxtaposing his thoughts versus what was about to happen to him. Where the audience knows that he is mere minutes away from the death event, but yet all he can do is think about getting to first base or getting back to his wife. That could have worked. But because there's no indication that he is about to die (yes, we know he is from the prompt) his thoughts have no weight to them.
Had you told a similar story from the perspective of someone who survived, like the ump or the pitcher, it would have been much easier to make for an interesting narrative. Because they have the luxury of having an after and being able to look back on the occasion.
Your actual prose is fine and works with the quick changing of circumstances and split second decision making. I don't quite buy his thought pattern after getting hit in the head though. I would expect him to be way more confused, both as to what happened and why his body doesn't seem to be functioning normally. Basically, his thought pattern should change at that point rather than stay the same. Dude was just hit in the head such that he is going to die. A change would have made sense here.
The Deactivation of Robot Williams by Truman Sticks
Falls flat and predictable ending. But it's a mostly harmless story. It's also a concept that's been tried many times and therefore you have to do something different with it in order for there to be any interest.
It also only slightly addresses the prompt. In fact, if you had spent more time with the robot's account of the killing of Robert Williams and his transfer thereafter, this might have been more compelling. Because the robot seems to remember his life as a C-7000, I think the audience would be more interested in some back story of that, then spend some time on the day of the killing, then his life after transfer.
Instead what you have now is a rudimentary robot plan to go to New York for some reason. Why would a robot want to be in New York just because it's got "energy and dynamism"? I'm truly interested in that? What makes a robot crave those things moreso than routine work? Why does the robot like art so much? Delving into the preferences of robots might have led in fun directions as well, especially when comparing them to a human who did not like art.
It seems like you could have gotten more value for the words you spent but instead you told the easy story.
Captain Moonlite and the Blue Forest Dragon by Wrageowrapper
Your representation of the Australian accent is too over the top. 1920s 16-year-old playing pretend is a bit of a stretch, though I do like stories of kids just being kids. And after finishing, meh, I just don't believe it. Neither is the narrative from beyond the grave explained.
A mid-teens kid acting like he is 10 or 11, using words like eviscerated, but talking in a slang that isn't consistent. The idea is a good explanation as to why anyone would attack a cassowary with a club. You definitely didn't need 1300 words to tell this story though. There's not much conflict before the bird appears either. It's a lot of words based on pretend fighting that doesn't actually contribute to the narrative. At least in no way that I can see.
I'm sorry I don't have more to say about this, but I don't find your prose worth examining since it's in a pseudo-dialect and I don't like but don't want to judge because I am not Australian.
crabrock
New td mascot?
sparksbloom
In with Find Out What Went Down When We Were In the Studio for A loving Eternity in Montenegro.
Djeser
Still time left to jump in if you want to use any of these:
A Chinese Hooker's Guide To Iraq
A Buddhist Pirate's Travels In Iran
Halloween With Stalin And A Polynesian Programmer
Next Month, Dick Cheney Spends Passover With A Needle, Space Blasting Gutter Glitter
I Began Life As A Foe Of The Yakuza
Space Blasting Lsd In The Studio With Bill Clinton
Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should!
HOW HACKNEY'S MINERS ARE SWAPPING BASEBALL BATS FOR RIOT SHIELDS
WHY HOUSTON'S VERSION OF REDDIT IS FULL OF DEATH ROW INMATES
Quidthulhu
Stand down, men! It's only smooching!
Hey thunderdome, can someone link the prompt this week? There's, uh, a lot of bolded words in a lot of posts.
Sitting Here posted:
Hundreds of authors. Thousands of stories. Over 4 million words. The blood the blood the bloo
CLICK HERE FOR CURRENT PROMPT
wow i'm an idiot. these things always change, these things never change.
Also can I still sign up? Put me in.
anime was right
by R. Guyovich
fun fact that link wasn't updated last week so it didnt actually work
anime was right posted:
that's why you don't let a goofball hipster make your OP
ugh, plaid and rain and coffee. so gross.
*steps away from mirror*
Hammer Bro.
Quidnose posted:
Yeah I'm 0 for 2 on the signing up to the prompt blind game.
Pick a headline from here and write 1,500 words about it. It does not have to be from the perspective of a news reporting agency. It's due whenever Tyrannosaurus closes up shop in New York on Sunday.
Sitting Here
Blood Empress of Thunderdome
Tap to emit spores
Clapping Larry
I accidentally linked the results post instead of the prompt post right below it you unrelenting tittybabies, learn to scroll down
you're all welcome to try to fight me about it instead of taking up space with your feeble pisswords
im gonna point some evolutionary scientists towards your per-neanderthal brain because i found a missing link.
this is why i never win thunderdome
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pZuB6FQez0M
ffs lou you can't get anything right
stop being mean to lou :angry:
In with Find Out What Went On When We Were Undercover for 48 Hours in Ukraine
More crits:
How it stands there by Horrible Butts
This story sounds (at least after the first few paragraphs) as if it's trying to be poetic and have a rhythm. I can't quite pin the rhythm down though. And the images you try to elicit are at once both specific and yet unhelpful in telling the story. I'm not even sure I can tell what sort of plot this story is trying to have.
I wouldn't say that every story needs a plot, but without one it's very easy for someone to read it and ask, "what's the point?" And that is what I find myself asking with this. I don't get a clear sketch of a character or action and even the setting, though obvious, is still pretty generic.
I got lost in several places and it's not a long piece, so that takes talent. I want to like some of your sentences. I want to get lost in the sound of your story, but none of them actually work with one another. Some of them look like they might go somewhere, but when you put them all together, they don't make a cohesive whole. I think reading this out loud would have gone a long way toward helping you see this. And that works for all types of writing.
The first few paragraphs, though they aren't that great either, at least were cohesive and I thought I could count on them to carry me through the story, but unfortunately the rest of it does not match. The narrative type changes and though that might be due to the character's possible death (multiple deaths?) I'm not positive on that, so it's difficult to understand that as an argument.
The Book of Kevin by Overwined
Where do I start? I didn't like this at all. You obviously weren't going for complete biblical verbiage, but it was still jarring the first few times that you broke from it. And it's still inconsistent. None of your internal objectives are met, not even the counseling part. I don't really appreciate any of the characterization in the story and definitely didn't need to read about someone making GBS threads in a bar's bathroom in order to know more about them (especially since I don't think it works toward a particular sin).
And you miss the biggest goal of all, which was to write a fable that teaches a moral lesson. What even was it supposed to be? There is no way that this story is going to teach anyone to be virtuous. In the story or out of the story. Not only because without the word of God directly speaking to Kevin, no one's ever going to realize that God is responsible for the punishment but also because even though he's pretty far up on the heavenly totem pole, Lot's still not that pious a dude, though God seems to be okay with him.
Sometimes I get irrationally irritated at stories and then I critique far harder than is probably necessary. This is likely one of those times. Really didn't like it. The format was probably a good idea but execution was a 0.
The Crescent of Fate by Black Griffon
Well, thank you for not making me slog through 1500 words like the last guy. I actually like this better than The Book of Kevin. In less than 70 words you are already teaching people a lesson about time management. Sins come in many different forms and don't necessarily have to be done in contrast to anyone's dictates but our own. And you can tell that this submission had merit because it didn't lose, nor did it DM.
Wisdom.
Exile by HaitianDivorce
Improper use of a colon in your second sentence. "ask [for] a better companion" in 3rd paragraph. Sentences are stilted. No flow. I'm halfway (I think) through this and I have no idea where I am or how I got here (probably similar to your main character). There is already so much wrong with this. I don't think you thought this story out in its entirety. Time just disappears, food and water appear, nothing is happening physically or mentally with this character.
Lots of improper colon use. What do you think a colon is for? What is even happening? You gloss over all of the interesting parts that could possibly be in this story…
Okay, those were thoughts in the midst of reading. Now that I've finished…
Learn how to use colons! http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/ed.../grammar/colons
What is the sin? What is the lesson? What has anyone learned here?
There could have been action in this story. There could have been introspection in this story. There could have been any sort of conflict at all. But there wasn't.
Only after having read the losing story from this week can I understand why this one didn't lose. It at least made an attempt at originality.
This story is mostly frustrating because you could have taken it in so many directions. You could have developed so many different aspects. You could have told us even one piece of backstory and it would have been much better. But you didn't. It's a shell of a story.
Gravitation by Chexoid
This story is definitely more what I was expecting for the stories after reading this week's prompt, so thank you for that. Your story is charming and simply told in the way that fables are, with readers not questioning the basic premise of the story. Your set up is good. You give the reader everything they need in order to know where they are in the story. They know the players, the rules and you take it from there.
After that it's all in the execution which could have been better. Your sentences are a little clunky. You could streamline them a lot and I think that would fit the mode of this story better. You're missing apostrophes in a few places and mix up a pronoun or two. Proofreading and reading aloud will help you with these things.
Finally, your moral is spelled out in a way that makes it lose efficacy. Fables are usually pretty blunt about their point, but for some reason this seems almost too much of a lecture. I think a little more time with this and it could be a usable entry in an anthology of fables.
The Horse, the Worm and, the Sloth by Mike Works
I have questions after reading this story. Good questions like "who am I that I am nothing like Philip Rain?" and "what exactly is the relationship between the two stories sandwiched around one another?"
You set a very simple scene but yet it's bursting with meaning and works very well for your narrative. Basically everything is simple except for the concepts behind all of the simplicity. I'm still thinking through everything. I've even reread some parts and am making new connections.
I'm sorry that you didn't get more critiques at the time of your writing, especially since this received an HM. But it didn't win which means that there are ways to improve. I can only give you the few things that I can see in that vein though. There were a few typos that would be caught on another read through. And there are a few aspects of your world that might have needed to be included for it to feel whole: the possible lives of others who are like Philip Rain, a little more background in the parenthetical story, and perhaps a little more explanation of this world of grey and white.
But I really appreciate this story.
A Girl's Best Friend by monkeyboydc
Your story tries too hard to explain itself. It's almost as if you were telling your story and then the further you got along you realized that it wasn't very obvious what "sin" there was in this story so you tried to explain it with a lot of extra words rather than weaving it throughout the story in many tiny ways. And you could easily have done that too. You created another world with several interactable characters (though none of the characters have any character to them) and these interactions could and should have done the explaining.
I'm not quite lured into suspension of disbelief here. I am happy to go along with you into forests and other worlds inside of an abandoned house. I am happy for Claire to age on her journey. But for some reason I'm not willing to go so far as to believe she didn't need food and drink and to go piss. But that may just be me. And had details been different I might not have noticed that even.
I think it's good that you set up the mystery of the mysterious bird/woman at the beginning and then told the story of how it got there afterward, but your break needed something to make a connection. Initially it just felt like you started a second story. Eventually it became clear that they were related, but it was still jarring.
I also don't think that this story is relatable to modern day humans in the world in which we live. There is no lesson here that we can take with us through life. There's no didactic moment. And that's what works the least about this story.
WEEK 209 CRITS, ingrates
Yeah, these are my live impressions of your stories from week 209. Many of you saw these as I was writing them. They are very candid, and in some cases sparse. I was varying degrees of drunk throughout writing these. So if you think I didn't give your piece a fair shake, hit me up and I'll do my best to answer any questions you might have. IRC or SA PMs are the best way to do that, though I also keep an eye on the fiction advice thread if you want to talk shop over there.
Bonus feature, all of the weird poo poo goons wrote on my doc wtf guys
Zerbra23
You first paragraph doesn't fill me with a lot of optimism. There's a typo in the second sentence, and I feel like I'm getting suckerpunched by a bunch of ideas at once. I feel sort of startled awake. Like, NO YOU CAN'T WAKE ME UP I WAS IN THE DEPOSIT UNDERGROUND AND THE ARMBAND WAS HELPING ME.
Soldiering on.
Tense shifts all over the place. Second person is a challenging POV to write in, so you've got to be very clear and spot on with stuff like tense. I mean, you should always be clear with that stuff, but the POV and the meandering tense give this a very off-kilter feeling, and not in a good way.
Yeah ok this protag is wearing some sort of evil fitbit but let's talk about cereal for 400 words
"This was boring, you thought" OH MY GOD HOW DID YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING
The prose level here is...not great. The blocking--the placement of characters and objects in the scene--is really clumsy, like you have a clear image in your head and are only approximating it in your words. It would help if you read your own writing out loud.
I'm following the plot so far, but it's hidden behind a lot of bizarre and tedious "action" so this story is coming dangerously close to losing my attention.
Aaaand then you pasted your story in twice for some reason. How did you not catch that on a preview? Kaishai pointed out to me (way after judging) that if you look very closely, this story does kind of capture the perspective of a caveman being painfully forced to act like a modern human. Unfortunately, the execution didn't match up with the concept.
PRISONERS OF SPEED
Prediction: this will have tight descriptions but a fairly thin plot, and try to do a bunch of character things that would be better suited for a novel. Pls prove me wrong.
Mhmm, I'm enjoying Hisako's general competence and her commitment to this rivalry, but this whole thing better not be a race.
I'm a little disappointed that my initial prediction was spot-on. I liked that this ended on an upbeat note, and technically it was really clear and tight. But as soon as the narration tells me Ghost is guiding Hisako with her taillights, I was like "oh, rivals are going to become friends and team up". Not bad, but not exactly earth-shattering flash fiction. This would work as a scene in a longer piece.
I'm really disappointed how the "cheesemonger" part of your prompt was used. It felt pretty tacked on, even though you could've done a lot of interesting stuff with it, even within the premise of the story. Oh well.
A METAL HEART WITH PLEASURE FILLS AND ETC ETC ETC
I guess I like the hook and the banter. I felt a little disgruntled when Anna forced a landing when she's aboard a sentient vehicle. So you've made me care about your protagonist's autonomy. Pls don't gently caress it up.
Huh, well this sort of derailed in a big smoldering jumble. I guess Anna just...gave up fighting Huey? Or something?
I don't think the conclusion of this story was very satisfying. Realistically, I don't think Anna would try the same flight aboard a sentient aircraft that was not cooperative. I'm not entirely sure what the ending suggests. That they found a way to coexist? That Anna has given up her career and just rides Huey around to various inspiring locations? IDK.
Side note: I didn't like the brackets you used for the autopilot. That's more of a nitpick. I think italics work just as well, though that is purely my opinion.
BENEFIT CONCERT
I'm...tentatively okay with this premise so far. Some sort of touring lounge act, and one of the musicians or w/e feels bad that he's living in luxury while poverty stares mournfully through the gates, or something. He better not just sit in the bar and mope about it, though.
...Okay i guess I think the whole "everything is beautiful" bit is a little bit saccharine, but I like when Ken is instantly like, "uh no we don't need a white savior tyvm". Still, this is feeling a bit heavy and soapboxy. You've set the situation up, now please expand or subvert it in a cool way tia
Okay, this was….75% satisfying? I think it needed to be more subtle, but that was the best way to end it.
Nitpick: how is a mass of writhing skulls "formless"??? Don't be lazy with your words IMO. Dig deep.
The first three paragraphs are a little heavy on like, "haha this is HELL only wacky and bureaucratic."
This is amusing but what's-his-face protag demon guy is like...he's all impotent bluster in the face of people who clearly just do not have the time. It got a little bit tiresome after a while. Like, I need his character to do more than be out of touch with modern hell culture, or whatever.
So I'm reading this, and I can see the scrollbar thing is almost to the end of the story, and I'm really getting worried it's only going to be more banter. Pls assuage my worries, o anonymous writer.
So this whole story leads up to the HILARIOUS revelation that a mighty undefeatable demon is being given a janitor job. I dunno man, I dunno. The whole premise is that a guy thinks he's cool and tough, but is actually lame and useless. You must've done something right though, because one judge had this on their HM list.
THE CURSE OF WANT
squidtentacle
I think your third paragraph is...not quite a flashback, but it's referring to the last job the protag and his partner were on. The tense makes it seem like the stuff with the ring and etc is happening in the "present" of the story, but since Kleio is dead, that's impossible. Something to watch out for. Or maybe the protag is just reflecting on how he wished he'd given her the ring before she died, but as written, it's not totally clear. Either way, the reminiscing is phrased in a way that takes me away from the immediate conflict, which is: someone has a contract out on a dead assassin.
FINALLY. He accepts the contract on his dead ("""dead""") loved one. I didn't reeeeally need the recap on her death; you could've done that more gracefully, or just assumed that we'd get the gist. But okay, carrying on.
This got fairly magical and "woah man" pretty fast. Kleio's dead! Only, no she's not. Here she is! I'm having trouble visualizing this big magical storm she's caught in. The way you describe it makes it seem both frozen like a photograph and turbulent like a storm. Not sure if that's intentional or not.
Oh okay, so they end up in the magical Matrix together. This is one of those stories that sets up a conflict, then immediately sidesteps the conflict and runs face-first into a wall instead. Like, based on the beginning, I couldn't have even remotely projected that they would both end up in some inexplicable magical storm matrix thing. I don't even know how Amon FOUND Kleio. He just does, and then she's like, "come trip like i'm trippin baby" and he's like "okay" and then the end.
Maybe the girl at the end isn't even Kleio, but actually I don't really care.
BLESSED IS THE WOLF AND ETC ETC ETC
boaz-jachim
Hmm, another werewolf monk? This feels really familiar. I am 100% sure this is a continuation of a story I read in week 200, so I'm going to read it that way.
Oh dang, Thomas has moved up in the world, being considered for abbot. This would not be nearly as interesting if I hadn't read the first story, but alright go on then.
Okay, I finished this without feeling the need to stop for commentary. That's good. I'm a fan of Thomas the Werewolf but I think all(both) of his stories would work better in a longer work. You had no word count this week, so like, why not expand this?
The best part of this was the scene where Thomas soothes the wounded deer instead of killing it. And then when it dies anyway, he eats it. That was cool, but it's the kind of thing that's more meaningful when we've spent more time with the character. I would read about his hunt for the god of animals, though.
WILLOW'S END
steeltoedsneakers
So here's the thing. I'm a short way into this story, and I think the premise is very sweet. A ghost wants to throw a party for his very old, still-living friend. But there's got to be an obstacle bigger than "they're ghosts", or they have to confront that obstacle in a super interesting way. I hope this story does one or both of those things.
Not a super huge fan of the way the narrative is just sort of telling me the rules of ghosts.
This was one of those stories that sort of made up the logic to support its plot as the words went on. Like, THIS happened because of THIS thing about ghosts. In the end, I'm happy two friends are reunited in ghostland, I guess, but it's like you felt like you had to explain the how and why of it in the most sterile terms possible. This was ultimately sweet, but a little clumsy.
Entenzahn
ffs goons why do you like to write about donald trump so much
Um, i don't know if male bees have stingers (a quick google suggests no, they don't). In fact, i think that bee just put his penis in trump.
This is...kind of dumb on so many levels. It requires 1) that I don't know anything about bees (only kind of true) 2) that i feel the same about donald trump as the author (probably true, but that doesn't make it a fantastic story) and 3) that the idea of some magical conversation between trump and a bee that results, ironically, in trump crying will amuse me. The answer is: I guess??? But it doesn't make for great flash fiction.
MISSING IT FOR THE WORLD
Oh boy, almost 5K *cracks knuckles*
Okay, I instantly like the premise here. It's weird and I'm interested to find out how/why this boy has a shadow that can be stolen by a skunk.
"The world is not at all kind to impossible things" quotable quote
Haha well this took a turn for the ridiculous, but i like it.
You're doing a pretty good job of giving the sense that there is this whimsical, magical world behind the scenes of mundane life, but I hope there isn't too much more of it, if that makes sense. I'm at the point where I've got the gist, so now some serious action ("action") needs to happen. It's not quite "as you know bob", but you're doing a lot of work to suggest all of these secret connections between seemingly normal people. I like it, but at the same time, i don't want to get tired of it, if that makes sense.
Oh nooooooo you're explaining it allllllll
I will say, I am enjoying how this story sort of frolics around in its own semi-logic. Like, magic and space travel work exactly how the user needs them to, except where that pesky, unyielding science is concerned. I am starting to feel like the whole shadow theft thing was...like, it seems like this story started out one way, and then quickly spiraled out into something a little different than the tone of the beginning suggested. I thought i was in for some taut suburban magical realism or something, and now I'm getting magical space opera. I'm not mad, but it's something i noticed.
Hmmm well it sure is lucky there's been an easy solution to every problem so far
So this felt like kind of a very sincere episode of Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty meets like, John Carter, or something. I read the whole thing and was interested, but it had something of a campy serial vibe, which worked at some points and didn't work as well at others. I'm impressed that you wrote almost 5K and kept me engaged, though, so good job.
THOUGHTS IN THE FOREST
This is a pretty trip, but it's spent a long time riffing on WHO AM I?! And not adding a whole lot to the handful of ingredients we got in the beginning. I mean, as a description of ego death or something, it works, but so far I'm waiting for something to change up the feel of the piece.
Okay so, while the writing was pretty good, I'm generally not a fan of plots that hinge on "character remembers/thinks/feels [thing], and then everything is okay. Like, this kid(?) who, as necessitated by the plot, doesn't know anything about themselves decides that it's probably better not to die and instead live on to discover who they are and why they're in the forest. That's all well and good, but you had no word limit, so I'm really disappointed that this story didn't move beyond this one situation and into an exploration of who the character is and why they're alone.
It doesn't really tell me anything new about life, memory, or identity. It sort of just is what it is, which is a bunch of pleasant words about no one.
WE SWIM INTO THE FUTURE
Scridiot
Okay this character is like Conan the Barbarian meets Rorschach. Which could be good, maybe?
Mostly what's carrying me through this is curiosity about this tyrant's "love".
Ah so the tyrant is perhaps not the total villain he seems to be.
Right so, the ending is almost forcefully uplifting. The tyrant lives on with his love as a benevolent whaledude. It's frustrating because like, this story is made up of moments that should be satisfying, but because I'm thrown into what is clearly the climactic moment of a longer story, it doesn't feel particularly earned. Like, this mysterious "project" somehow turns people into whales.
Again, no word count, so why not flesh this out more?
THAT'S DEMOCRACY
QuoProQuid
Thank you for not opening with donald j trump
I'm kind of into the mundane absurdity of the white house being beholden to an HOA
Ouch and then it gets really cynical for a sec, re: shot up daycare. Maybe I'm just a big baby, but i feel like that detail adds an unnecessary bite to this story. Like, i get it, but at the same time, i dunno. This doesn't read like a story that's meant to be a sharp reminder of the horrors of gun violence, so it's a weird detail to add in so incidentally.
Oh actually, this has kind of veered off into cartoonish cynicism
Okay we're back in parody town. I dunno. The tone of this is weird. I don't hate it though.
The last line of the story really sums up "the joke". I feel like whoever wrote this didn't trust themselves to get The Joke across.
DONT' STAND
DON'T STAND SO
DON'T STAND SO CLOSE TO ME what
"Digging some courage from her bowels" is a weird turn of phrase but okay. I kind of like the tension of this situation, since it's twofold: will the protag bone her teacher? And what does he actually want?
I….I really cannot go along with the logic that, because someone is deft with an instrument, they would be good at surgery. I mean, Isabella seems to share my disbelief, but i just can't believe anyone would ever think this was a good idea.
Valdez is horrible AND crazy. I guess I'm into this, even if I think the rationale is dumb.
Okay then
There's a feeling to this like, "you know this thing that seemed good? Actually it's bad and sinister." and then the story sort of just leaves you with that and walks away.
BEAR-Y MY DICK IN THE NATION'S rear end in a top hat
Brb getting more drnk
I guess i should've foreseen political satire being the Thing this week
Or should i say BEARSEEN har har har No
American politics are broken also bears are adorable
MORE IMPOSSIBLE
So, I read this all in one go, and the feelings are right, and the writing is right, but something about it doesn't hang together. Then, when I looked at the flashrule, I was like, ah, okay. It's not that the motivation wasn't clear from the prose, it was just muddled in a way that I'm struggling to put my finger on. I think it has something to do with the second scene, in which it seems that Maya has discovered she's pregnant in a flashback. I think what's happening is, Tom is berating her for not taking advantage of her success as a stuntwoman/actor? It's not entirely clear from that scene what their precise relationship is (are they co-actor and co-director? Just costars? Some other combo of those things?) and whether Tom knows she's preggers. The ending suggests yeah, he did, so it's pretty cruel of him to chastise her for backing away from her career.
I think what is giving me a fuzzy read on this story is that there are all of these little elements to it. And like, I appreciate the attention to detail. The writing is solid. But you've got the sort of ethical question of filming these stunt-heavy, found footage films with your own daughter (meaning she's stuck in the set trailer listening to you have arguments with her colleague). And you've got Tom's dickishness regarding the pregnancy, which he may or may not know about? And then you've got the issue of performing a dangerous stunt while pregnant. Maya seems set on backing away from her career to look after her kid(s), but then she goes and makes this big, dramatic gesture to...I guess show Tom what-for? I'm still kinda sleepy while writing this crit, but something about all of the feelings and motivations swirling together made it hard to feel like I had a good grasp on why the characters did each thing they did.
LOL I had no clue the daughter was supposed to be a hallucination. After you told me that, it changed my perception of the story significantly. I wish you'd made it just a little more clear.
CIRQUE DU JOUR
I've never seen food service described so jauntily.
I mean yeah who doesn't ninja it up a little on their work breaks? I guess this is normal since the rear end in a top hat dude doesn't seem particularly concerned that she could be hurt. Man what an rear end in a top hat. I'll bet he's the bad guy.
Well this was mostly fun. I don't know if I particularly feel like Gordie, who is mostly just an idiot, deserved shoe soup. Katie seems good at her job, but at the same time, her preoccupation with circus tricks would be somewhat of a liability. Still, the writing danced along in a way that worked well with Katie's character. I could see every scene really clearly. It's easy to make stories about everyday jobs kind of tedious and boring, but the descriptions throughout were written in a way that pulled the eye along.
I smiled when I looked at the flashrule. You did a good job of incorporating both. One of your characters was very straightforward, and the other was more subtle. I think that was a good choice that let the piece retain some realism while still waltzing around in its mildly ridiculous premise.
GUMMYSHOE
Jonked
Some early typos tsk tsk
But no seriously, why the makeup? I'm not sure a PI would be terribly effective if they were painted up in clown makeup all of the time. Unless they only took the wackiest of cases i guess. Hmmm.
I don't know if you can just google a license plate and find a car in real time.
Ah, the ol' "act like a cowering clown and steal the keys and gun" routine. Truly, this private investigator thought ahead.
Okay this was kind of silly. It was paced well and like, the action was all really clear. But the logic of it, and the big reveal at the end, were sort of...it felt like an idiot plot i guess. Meaning, everyone in the story had to make some sort of dumb decision for the story to work. Bozo is probably the only non-idiot, but he's also a man inexplicably wearing clown makeup. I know, I know, your flashrule, but you spent words having Allen ask about it, and it never comes up again.
THE ASCENSION OF PAUL VI ETC ETC ETC
Jitzu
Vatican intrigue and an alien cardinal, cool i'm intrigued.
Haha, this story sort of begs the question in the best way. This alien wants mass to be broadcast in his home language, but how did they make contact in the first place? Why would they want to adopt a human religion? I'm glad you're not battering me over the head with worldbuilding. It's just fun to muse over as I'm reading.
I'm really liking the way that BRV (not typing his full name) sort of livens up every scene just by virtue of being a luminescent membrane. I'm also a sucker for fleshy dudes who communicate via color. I really like octopuses. Anyway. Carry on.
I'm torn on the speeches. On the one hand, they're a pretty credible sort of debate on the merits of conservatism vs embracing something that is perhaps dangerously new. On the other hand, it comes off as a little pontificating, but then, that's kind of hilarious given the context. I think it works, but I reflexively went ooooh nooo when i saw the big chunks of dialog coming. That might be a symptom of reading too much thunderdome, though.
POPE DUEL
This alien's conception of the virgin is really cool.
Oh my god it's a magical pope duel
This went from being interesting to being pretty dang cool
I like how the virgin mary doesn't actually get involved in this battle. It's set up to seem like there's going to be some magical intersession because BRV is so pure of faith~ but in reality he just uses the church's own iconography against his rival. It works because like...when you already have your characters locked in what is, for all intents and purposes, a magical battle, adding something even more magical/spiritual is like adding more frosting onto a fully-frosted cake. So having BRV use a mundane ("mundane", he is an alien after all) trick to get the other dude to yield was a good way to end the battle.
The ending was good, plot-wise, but the last couple paragraphs felt a little sterile. I don't know if the dry, historical tone was the best way to end on, but overall this was a really nice read.
Hmmm, creatures made of sound or song is something I've always wanted to play around with in fiction, so let's see how you do.
So I am pretty affectionate toward the idea of something foreign and incomprehensible who just wants to touch and feel, and in the process of doing so, accidentally causes harm. I think what this needed is more action in the "human" segments of the story. On a purely mundane level, this is about a woman who hears this all-consuming music and sort of drifts away from her partner and into dementia. There is so much poetic description, but there needs to be some grounding action. Even something like, I dunno, Van and the nameless POV character trying to accomplish banal chores, or something. The best example of what I'm talking about is when she's like, "the neighbor needs to turn down the music," because it gave a pretty concrete illustration of how she's being affected by these(this?) beings (being?).
The ending feels really inevitable. I wish there'd been more of a "fight" so to speak. There isn't a formula for like, the ratio of abstract description vs concrete description, but this definitely needed more of one and less of the other. The alien perspective was convincingly alien, buuuuuut the human perspective was also very alien and it was hard to find my footing at times.
Thinking about it more, I wish the POV character had reacted more uh, actively to her situation. Like, when she talks about not hearing words so much as vibes and vibrations, I almost wanted to see this character branch out and try to interact with a world that, to her, is dissolving into this sort of alien cacophony. How would she see people? What might she notice about them in her altered state of mind? You hint at it, but could've delved into it further.
323.6, CITIZENSHIP AND RELATED TOPICS
Kaishai
I haven't felt much need to break for commentary so far, but I smiled at the bottle of booze stashed in the librarian's desk. It's just really charming in a weird way.
"Why not go for broke" is a question i wish more characters asked themselves this week.
Well this was fun. The only issue is, there isn't a sense of any real danger from the outside? Like, the police chief shows up eventually, but I was sort of envisioning a standoff between a bunch of bookworms and the national guard, or something. It puts me in this weird situation where like, I'm happy for the characters and interested in what they're doing, but it seems like the real climactic conflict would happen a couple beats AFTER where this story ends.
I definitely didn't want to read about a standoff like the one that took place in Oregon, but I mean, I feel like seizing government property (and creating a trending hashtag about it) would ruffle a lot of people's feathers. I'm not sure what I wanted to happen, but I would've liked to see a bit more of the world outside of the library I guess? It felt very interior.
I thought it was :3 that they had air rifles and not real firearms. There was definitely a safe, cozy feeling to this. Which, for the reasons I mentioned above, both worked and didn't work.
FROM COLD WAR TO HOT PIE
Kuribo
The beginning of this is well done. Introduce a quaint folksy setting like a county fair, then, with a straight face, you introduce us to DOCTOR KILOTON. Who comes complete with a white cat that he strokes evilly.
Ooookay now they're spending too much time telling each other about their old exploits. I get it, they were nemeses who did a bunch of James Bond movie antics.
Boy this quickly turned into you explaining the plot to me as it's happening
Huh well that was a thing. It's not really a good thing when you're protag is sort of standing in place while a villain (ex or otherwise) explains who's doing what, how they're doing it, why they're doing it, and what the history of the whole situation is. I wanted to see more realistic interplay between the two main characters, but the vibe you set up in the beginning didn't really carry through.
Side note, and this has nothing to do with you, but i feel like 9/10 times there is a story about a contest at a county fair, the protag doesn't win but does learn a valuable lesson about friendship, or at least resigns themselves to some consolation prize. I think that's yet another symptom of reading too many TD stories, though.
IT'S A METAPHOR FOR PROCRASTINATION
dmboogie
This is fun but it's getting rather aimless. Magical tax collection…..no wait, ridiculous antics in a fragmented pocket dimension. Maybe you can bring it back around but I'm suspicious of this plot, i think it might be drunk.
I think terry gilliam might be a goon
Every scene change leaves me with a resounding "yeah ok why not"
I don't think this is a good metaphor for procrastination tbh. No one procrastinated, it was more like they meandered through the author's whimsy until the story was over. At least it was funny.
I got kind of excited when mary was like "you need to audit reality", and in a story where the author hadn't blatantly been like "gently caress it", that would be a pretty cool premise. (note: as I was critiquing this, I was about 90% sure it was Sebmojo, which isn't an awful comparison, although this would be mojo on one of his ramblier days)
LOVE IF POSSIBLE
Another crime-solving clown? Okay. At least this clown seems really committed to his gimmick, as opposed to being a PI with some makeup on inexplicably. I laughed at the jokes in the beginning.
Oh ho ho. The clown is not just a clown. You see, he knows bubbles float up.
Aaaand suddenly he's got the bad guy at his mercy. Why bother to explain how that happened? He's a clown of many talents so we can just go ahead and assume that he used them in such a way as to make the plot happen. No need to show it, you've already told us that this guy can do basically anything.
Uh ????? I guess we're left to assume Limbo smothered the guy. This is a weird little story. Technically all the events happen in order, but I feel like I'm seeing snippets from a longer story. There's no real conflict or peril. I mean, obviously these gangsters tried to kill the clown, and the clown obviously is trying to kill Pisani, but these things are all so glossed over they seem almost incidental. Which sounds weird to say, given that they're the whole of the plot, but it just doesn't hang together. I don't really know how or why anything happens, so it reads like a bunch of disjointed scenes.
THE RABBI'S DOVE
You really carried the lilting, fable-like tone of this piece through the whole thing, which was well done. I don't have much to critique.
The ending feels right, but it's not quite as tight as it wants to be. There's this idea of like...faith and tradition at the expense of fellowship. Which is a good, subtle topic to explore. I just think the conversation at the end could be tweaked a little to drive that home? I'm not reallly sure what I'm looking for.
Overall this was tight and good.
Bad Seafood
Not sure how I feel about this so far. We know Moira's about to do something big and flashy, but you're playing coy with it and giving a lot of backstory. This kind of chronological back and forth works better in movies, IMO, but you haven't lost me yet.
I'm kind of loling at the idea of parents who would rather their child be a musician than a pilot. In what universe is it not respectable to be a talented pilot? That's a highly skilled job. I reckon it's meant to be the setup for whatever big artsy thing that Moira's about to do, but it's not the most credible motivation.
So moira does the thing and chooses to stay anonymous, literally flying off into the sunset. I guess it's meant to be kind of a cathartic gently caress YOU MOM AND DAD moment. Or, if not that, then it's supposed to suggest that Moira is content with her skills and chooses to forgo recognition because of that. Either way, the story feels very linear. Not narratively--it jumps around a lot--but in terms of characterization. There's no real change in Moira's character. The change is in the reader, when we have to adjust our expectations, since it becomes clear that Moira was never interested in the fame or glory or whatever.
Smebojo
Are dragging me away help
Okay, so I was weirdly preoccupied with the imaginary pingpong ball for a while. I thought that was going to be a story thing, but i guess it's just what bored, well-meaning little demons do when they're not trying to "help" people. Not sure.
Otherwise, this was a cool, alien view into family tragedy. Clearly this household is hosed, but our little friend is only vaguely aware of that.
What I'm left wondering is, what's the demon's exact effect here? It seems like he might have something to do with Meredith's evident depression, but it's not clear if everything in the story is a result of his misguided interference. Still, here's fairly likeable in spite of the fact that he doesn't speak much and his presence is vaguely sinister.
WHY YOU SHOULDN'T LET GOONS EDIT YOUR CRIT DOC:
This story broke SH, ha
Shouldn't it be "the flautist"
Nvm, both are acceptable
Omg this is the best I Don't Even Own A Television episode ever and everyone should listen to it
Too many trees. Too few trees.
One time I was a kid and I was at the zoo and this huge bird took a dump right on my dad's head and mind you this was not one of those small bird dumps, not like the little white stuff, no. This was like antelope grade but it came from a bird. And this big scary guy was helpless and covered in bird poo poo and crying and god drat it's good to be alive.
Wtf are you guys doing I AM TRYING TO EXPRESS MYSELF THROUGH ART
What's up everybody I'm TYPING. This document is officially a party. Erogenous Beef can eat a sandwich or some cake.
Boop a doop, schmoop a loop.
One day there was a Moose called Beckinsale. The Moose was like "I want to go to the shops" but it couldn't fit through the door, so it went home and killed its entire family.
This is why Thunderdome can't have nice things.
rip AND TEAR YOUR HUGE GUTS
PAC MAN FEVER IS SWEEPING THE NATION; MAKE SURE YOU'VE HAD YOUR SHOTS.
If you're comin at me son, you betta step strong. My poo poo is always calculated never get it wrong, so add it up son, 'fore I subtract you from the earth, divide your body into bits put them shits in a hearse, my poo poo is radical, like the square root of three. More meticulous than calculus or trigonometry.And I'll always be on top, cuz I always want more. I want the whole pi, uhh...be from before? And with the rhymes I spit, so motherfucking complex, get below me son, I'm sittin on the vertex, and that's where I'm gonna be til the day that I die, making money look imagined just like a+bi. This is the math rap so step back if ur whack, or imma bout to take a poo poo all up ur napsack so get set, you will never best me, I'm the best Thunderdome has to offer, B.
in with
13 Reasons Why Lebanon is the Seediest Place in the World
take the moon
me and sh, someone step up to judge. either sh or the judge can say that this is story 1 of my Blood Geis
lol if someone wants to dignify this by judging, be my guest maybe we can have some fun lols
curlingiron
Adventure Awaits!
I have to go back to school in a week and a half. Share my misery.
500 words on the end of summer
Due Tuesday, September 6th, 3 PM Pacific.
I await your es
E: Due to length, vignettes are acceptable, but MAKE THEM GOOD.
curlingiron fucked around with this message at Aug 27, 2016 around 04:47
Sign ups closed! Give me good stories!
curlingiron posted:
Can a prompt be given to me? I thought a prompt was gonna be given to me. I can generate until I like one, but, someone give me one.


Alex Kemp, professor of petroleum economics at Aberdeen University.
For Britain's oil and gas sector the most far-reaching announcements in Budget 2014 were those indicating the launch of a full tax review for the UK Continental Shelf and confirmation of the Government's acceptance of the Wood Review recommendations.
The speedy implementation of the Wood Review proposals indicates not only acceptance of the view that more effective regulation is needed to maximise economic recovery but that this should start in the very near future. Delays in the implementation of policy changes could result in the sub-optimal long-term depletion of at least some of the oil and gas resources.
The simultaneous announcement of a full tax review indicates recognition that the tax system requires modifications if the objective of maximum economic recovery is to be achieved.
The need for enhanced oil recovery schemes (including CO2 EOR).
A full-scale tax review provides the opportunity for serious consideration to be given by the Government as to how tax incentives can be targeted on these problem areas. Expectations have been aroused and well-argued cases will be carefully considered.
Budget 2014 announced for consultation a new allowance against Supplementary Charge (SC) for ultra-high pressure/high temperature fields.
The intention is that this allowance will be based on a percentage of the relevant capital expenditure, with 62.5% being suggested as a possible rate. It is based on a very relevant economic element of the factors which determine whether a project is commercially viable or not.
The proposed scheme is thus conceptually superior to existing new field allowances which are based on physical characteristics of the projects, such as size, water depth, distance from infrastructure, temperature, pressure, and API gravity.
These physical features are really proxies for costs which may not accurately reflect the economic realities of particular projects.
The proposed allowance is superior to these based on physical features because it automatically accommodates variations in investment costs in the appropriate manner.
Cost inflation has been a dominant feature of the operating environment in the UKCS over the past few years and has caused the postponement of some new developments.
A clear, known formula based on investment costs should reduce this problem and enable investors to plan ahead with more certainty. Currently they may well not even know whether a potential new field development is likely to satisfy the eligibility criteria for a field allowance.
It is understood that the proposed new allowance will be available not only for development expenditure but for exploration (including unsuccessful exploration) in the surrounding areas of a development and could thus be defined as a cluster allowance.
This should incentivise more exploration and encourage cluster developments which are a feature of the Wood Review recommendations.
The proposed new allowance will only apply to new ultra-high pressure/high temperature greenfield developments.
But it is arguable that its merits are such that its coverage should be more widespread.
The tax review gives an opportunity for the case to be made for this. There would, of course, be a need to consider any transitional issues in relation to the existing set of field allowances with possible grandfathering arrangements.
Budget 2014 also announced that the proposed bareboat chartering tax measure will go ahead, although restricted to drilling rigs and accommodation vessels with the promise of a review of its impact after one year of its implementation.
Whatever the merits and demerits of the measure from a tax fairness viewpoint the likelihood that a result will be higher day rates for the hiring of drilling rigs is unfortunate.
It comes at a time when these rates are extremely high, especially for semi-submersibles, and cost inflation is rampant in the UKCS. Even with oil prices in excess of $100 the costs of some prospective new developments are such that final investment decisions have been postponed.
Capital expenditure reduction plans have already been announced by several major companies. In an environment of capital rationing reductions in exploration drilling are much more likely to be pursued than curtailment of development drilling, as the latter brings the promise of more likely returns.
As is widely acknowledged the current levels of exploration are inadequate for the regeneration of the reserves base in relation to the ultimate potential as seen in the estimates of DECC and OGUK. Continuing low levels of exploration will increase the production decline rate and accelerate the timing of the non-viability of the infrastructure.
In sum Budget 2014 offers an opportunity for the harmonisation of the North Sea tax system with the aspirations and regulatory changes embedded in the Wood Review. It is to be hoped that this opportunity will be grasped by all involved.


text:
Q: Can't install Rails on Ubuntu 10.10 I want trying to install Rails using this guide - http://ryanbigg.com/2010/12/ubuntu-ruby-rvm-rails-and-you/
My last command was:
  gem install rails -v 3.2.3

Now, when I'm running
 rails new project

gives me errors:
 /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:36:in `require': libcrypto.so.1.0.0: cannot open shared object file: No such file or directory - /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/1.9.1/i686-linux/digest/sha1.so (LoadError)
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:36:in `require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler/definition.rb:1:in `<top (required)>'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler.rb:144:in `definition'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler.rb:112:in `setup'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler/setup.rb:7:in `<top (required)>'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:60:in `require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:60:in `rescue in require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:35:in `require'
from /home/denys/Desktop/pull/printitgreen/printitgreen/config/boot.rb:6:in `<top (required)>'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:36:in `require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:36:in `require'
from script/rails:5:in `<main>'
denys@denys-N68S3:~/Desktop/pull/printitgreen/printitgreen/script$ rails -v
 /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems
 /custom_require.rb:36:in `require': libcrypto.so.1.0.0: cannot open shared object
file: No such file or directory - /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/1.9.1
 /i686-linux/digest/sha1.so (LoadError)
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems
/custom_require.rb:36:in `require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler
/definition.rb:1:in `<top (required)>'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler.rb:144:in `definition'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler.rb:112:in `setup'
from /home/denys/.rvm/gems/ruby-1.9.3-p194/gems/bundler-1.2.1/lib/bundler/setup.rb:7:in `<top (required)>'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:60:in `require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:60:in `rescue in require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:35:in `require'
from /home/denys/Desktop/pull/printitgreen/printitgreen/config/boot.rb:6:in `<top (required)>'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:36:in `require'
from /home/denys/.rvm/rubies/ruby-1.9.3-p194/lib/ruby/site_ruby/1.9.1/rubygems/custom_require.rb:36:in `require'
from script/rails:5:in `<main>'

 ---------------------------

More info:
    denys@denys-N68S3:~/Desktop$ rvm list

 rvm rubies

 ruby-1.9.2-p320 [ i686 ]
=* ruby-1.9.3-p194 [ i686 ]

# => - current
# =* - current && default
#  * - default

A: Not sure of the problem though, but this has helped me.

A: looks like your ruby was not compiled with openssl support.
install openssl-dev and reinstall/recompile ruby

A: Do you execute apt-get commands listed in tutorial?
Try:
sudo apt-get install libssl-dev

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


Bedroom design images image perfect modern ideas e28094 interior vintage nuway plumbing bathroom. Kitchen romanticoom design photos and video wylielauderhouse com images image of ideas hotel airy bathroom designmaster. Kitchenedroom design images master airyathroom designmaster imagesbedroom interior imagesimages of tile.
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text:
State OKs cancellation of pre-K-3rd grade Van school classes
by: Kevin Arnone
AUSTIN (AP) – The school year is ending early for lower elementary school grades at an East Texas elementary school badly damaged by a deadly tornado.
In a statement Wednesday, Texas Education Commissioner Michael Williams said he has directed the Texas Education Agency to allow the Van Independent School District to cancel further classes this school year for pre-kindergarten through third grade at J.E. Rhodes Elementary School. A tornado tore through the town Sunday night, killing two people and causing extensive damage to the elementary school.
The other schools in the Van district will remain closed until Monday.
Van is a town of about 2,600 residents 70 miles east of Dallas.What happen to spring of 2015? Click here for infoHurricane Predictions, the latest hereHurricane 2015 names, check the list here

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


text:
Sweet Bird of Youth - Tennessee Williams at the Old Vic
Tennessee Williams' play Sweet Bird of Youth is set in segregationist small town Florida in the 1950's. First performed in New York in 1959, it deals with themes of jealousy, ageing, gender, sex and race in a direct way that must have been ground breaking at the time and yet many of the issues raised still simmer today.
Several of these themes are played out in the relationship between the play's two main characters - small town gigolo Wayne Chance and former star come on hard times - Alexandra del Lago, the latter the subject of a cracking performance by Kim Cattrall. Both use each other - she uses him in order to feel young, beautiful and desirable again, whilst he uses her in a vain attempt to secure access to break into the film world. Cattrall shines in the scenes where she laments the judgement of the world on an ageing female star. It doesn't matter how good her performance as an actress is because the screen shows a woman past her prime in a world where youth is everything. She describes the terror of exposure, saying "The screen's a very clear mirror. There's a thing called a close-up. the camera advances and you stand still and your head, your face, is caught in the frame of the picture with a light blazing on it and all your terrible history screams while you smile..."
The much younger Chance is also concerned about the passage of time - pushing 30 and nowhere near achieving his ambition of stardom, he concentrates all of his efforts on winning back his former girlfriend - the wonderfully named Heavenly Finlay, daughter of local corrupt and racist politician Boss Finlay. Chance believes Heavenly to be his redemption and his future. And here lies another key theme of the play - the danger of illicit sex. Chance and Heavenly are former lovers. Boss is obsessed with "purity" and blames Chance for his daughter's "ruin". This obsession extends to racial purity and the play drives home the often terrifying, virulently racist atmosphere of much of this period.
Williams describes sex in interesting terms - as connected to illness, as being threatening and as a commodity to be bought and sold. Even Boss is not exempt from concerns about sex when he hears that there is gossip in the town about his decline in prowess as he grows older. Williams himself
There are no sympathetic characters in this play. The leads rely on drugs and alcohol to cope with their inadequacy. Boss's interest in purity is a sham. All of the characters use each other in different ways. Director Marianne Elliott and designer Rae Smith have created an atmosphere at the Old Vic that transport the audience back to the period in which the play is set. The hotel room scenes are particularly convincing and the claustrophobia of the room and of small town America (or anywhere) during the period is palpable. A great deal of the play takes place in that hotel room - that's almost three hours, but the performance is so gripping that this considerable amount of time slips away very quickly - further illustrating Williams' theme about the passage of time.
Despite the darkness of the play, there are moments of humour. Cattrall's change of mood from hopeless, defeated monster to monster resurgent is both convincing and hilarious - demonstrating very nicely the shallowness of the world in which her character operates. And look out for a nice performance from Lucy Robinson as Miss Lucy who also produces a few laughs in her early scenes. Excellent performances also from Owen Roe as Boss Finlay and Seth Numrich as Chance Wayne. The play runs until the end of August. It was a full house last night so don't leave it too late and miss it!
Incidentally, the theatre is looking beautiful and he auditorium truly stunning. What a shame to spoil things somewhat with inadequate toilet provision. There was even a queue for the men's toilets last night whilst the queue for the women's stretched across at least half of the downstairs bar. London theatre is not cheap...how about sorting the comfort facilities?
Nikola 25 June 2013 at 10:33
Milan Zlokovic's Modernist Bank in Sarajevo
Art Deco...in Fiji!
Art in Riga - Janis Rozentals artist of the art no...
Sweet Bird of Youth - Tennessee Williams at the Ol...
Picture Post 19 - Holtkamp's Patisserie, Amsterdam
London's best bits - my top ten!
Boris Aronson and the Yiddish Theatre at the Ben U...
Vienna - art nouveau, coffee and cakes!
Jewish Vienna


Your complete home building solution, from the initial ground-breaking to the final walk through. DJ personally supervises each project we take on. They only take on a limited number of projects each year in order to keep their standards high and quality unparalleled.
With the economy in it's current position, there are few builders in the residential sector of the construction industry that still get to pick and choose projects as they like. DJ is one of them. He is unmatched in the area for the quality of his custom builds and remodels. As such, his business is ran entirely off referrals. The company's needs were different from that of a typical client for this reason. Rather than focusing on exposing the company to untapped marketing areas, they simply required a portfolio to refer potential customers after consultations.
In regards to website design, we agreed to let DJ Hartman's work represent itself. The design is focused around a heavy amount of photography of DJ's past projects and captured by OlyKaz. The few aesthetic designs such as a wood textured responsive navigation, are only meant to accent the company's own design. Social Media accounts such as Instagram & Houzz were created and connected into the site to help provide inspirations by others who were not local but were interested in similar build styles as what DJ provides his customer base. A modal gallery was created in the website for each of his projects to allow an easy space for potential clients to view past work before committing to DJ to conquer their next build.


Despite all the negative investors, Apple is doing fine as a company. It's still hot no matter what you Apple-haters say. Anyone heard of a big fuzz when Android releases a new OS?
Today I have got some reports saying that people in Stockholm were so obsessed by checking out how their new iOS7 worked, that they almost forgot to get off the train or the bus at the right station… hey, I wonder when I will get the news about someone who actually did forget!
Conan O'Brian has produced a hilarious video about the Gold iPhone!


The Scotts Bluff County Democratic Party recently hosted their annual summer picnic and held a donation drive to collect comfort items for veterans at the Western Nebraska Veterans Home.
Collected items included toiletry supplies, gift cards to local retailers and MP3 players and music download cards to provide music therapy to veterans who have Alzheimers. Democrats also hosted a similar drive to collect supplies for veterans at their Quarterly NDP State Central Committee meeting held in Chadron this past June.
Bryon Line, Chair of the Nebraska Democrat Party Veterans & Families Caucus joined those in attendance to speak about veterans' issues and provide caucus updates.
More than 70 Scotts Bluff County Democrats, community activists, teachers, families and students protest DeVos nomination as Secretary of Education outside Sen. Deb Fischer's Scottsbluff office.
The Scotts Bluff County Democrats are taking donations of supplies and monetary contributions to help the Standing Rock Dakota pipeline water protectors get through the winter. Supplies will be delivered to North Dakota in mid-December. Monetary donations will be collected and distributed to an appropriate, reputable charitable organization.
Supplies and donations can be dropped off at 1906 Broadway in Scottsbluff through December 9th. Donations will also be accepted at the County Democrats Holiday Party and Meeting on Tuesday, December 6 at Godfathers Pizza in Scottsbluff from 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm. Please contact Stan Kontogiannis at #203-809-1662 if you have questions and to confirm office hours for drop-off.
DNC Convention: Will Sanders Free His Delegates To Vote Clinton?
What Will Bernie Sanders Do With His Delegates?


Liat Waysbort (Israel 1974) began her dance career in Tel-Aviv, where she has been dancing with the Bat-Sheva Dance Company. Liat completed her studies at the master choreography program of Codarts (Rotterdam), graduating in 2006. She started her creative work in Dansateliers in 2005, and continued with her choreographic trajectories in Dansateliers since then. In 2006 Liat created "Memory happens now"and "Redreaming the work" in 2008. In 2009 "Reality is shaped by recalling" ́ had its premiere as the first full evening program of the Dansateliers Production House. In 2010 she made 'Male Version' in the framework of Brand New #1 and in 2012 she presented the piece WHAT'S LEFT. During the first edition of Brand New in 2010, a coproduction of Dansateliers and Conny Janssen Danst, she created 'Male Version' that was selected for the Dutch Dance Days (Nederlandse Dansdagen). In 2014, during a short residency in Dansateliers she created the powerful solo Please Me Please with and for Ivan Ugrin. The work that followed was Please Me Please – duet with grand dames Amy Gale, founder Dansateliers and Angela Linssen, artistic director MTD Amsterdam. In 2017 she premièred the group piece TITANIC, a remake of Ohad Naharin's production The Sinking of the Titanic (1989).
Her work is characterized as warm, dynamic and slightly absurd. Via movement, the Israelian choreographer Liat Waysbort opens up a pallet of feelings and meanings. Always powerful, never sentimental, her atmospheric performances pull the spectator in.
Liat Waysbort creates work under the umbrella of her own company Bitter Sweet Dance.


SCUBA training is through Professional Association of Diving Instructors or PADI. There are two common ways to conduct the academic portion. The first option is by Crew Pack. This pack includes a multi media DVD, student folder, log book and dive table. Your training is self-paced and when you have completed it we proctor the final exam. The second option is to enroll in PADI's online open water course. To learn more, visit their website at www.padi.com and look for online registration. This too is self-paced. When completed, print the certification of completion and bring it in to our shop.
Next we move on to the pool modules which are conducted at the YMCA downtown in their heated and covered pool. The tasks performed in the pool are the same as viewed in the training material. Each student performs at different levels and achieves mastery of the skills differently. Our instructor understands this and encourages students to push past their anxiety.
The cost of pool training is $125.00 per student for instruction which includes use of tanks and air, BCD, and regulators. If you don't purchase the core equipment (mask, snorkel, and fins) there is equipment available to use, just don't complain about them! There is also a fee for the use of the pool at $40.00 an hour per class and a class will run about 8 hours.
When each student has achieved mastery we move on to the next one. Once past the pool modules we move onto the open water check dive. This dive is repetitive of the pool sessions with a little fun mixed in. The check out dives are normally done in Beaver Lake Arkansas and are conducted over two days. Cost for the check out are $200.00 per student and again covers the use of equipment as well as the certification ID card or PIC card. We highly encourage the student to stay with one instructor throughout their training process, however if the student so desires a referral may be made on behalf of the student and the check out dive may be made at any PADI center of their choosing.


Resolved Are Flying Squirrels Protected in WI?
Are Flying Squirrels Protected in Wisconsin?
Yes, it looks like Flying Squirrels are protected in Wisconsin.
According to the WI DNR the Northern Flying Squirrel - State Status: SC/P - Special Concern/Fully Protected.


text:
By Rochelle / December 9, 2021
The online festival for the theme songs of Anime, "Sony Music AnimeSongs ONLINE 2022", will be streamed on the 8th and 9th of January 2022!
Ticket sales starts tomorrow! An introduction playlist of the event and spot movie with scenes of the live performances unveiled!
"Sony Music AnimeSongs ONLINE 2022", which is an online live performance event in the style of a festival with 14 gorgeous music artists who belong to Sony Music Labels, will be streamed live on the 8th and 9th of January 2022 on Stagecrowd. The tickets will be on sale tomorrow, at noon on the 10th of December (JST).
An introduction playlist of the event has been released in advance of the ticket's sale. Each of the 14 songs on the playlist have been selected by the artists who will perform at the event. If you hear the playlist, it will be a perfect introduction for you to have an idea of the entirety of this exciting event: the festival of the theme songs of anime.
Official Site: https://smej.lnk.to/SMASO22INT
【Introduction Playlist of Sony Music AnimeSongs ONLINE 2022】
M01. Eir Aoi 'INNOCENCE'
The opening theme song of TV anime "Sword Art Online Fairy Dance"
M02. Aimer 'LAST STARDUST'
The inserted song of the TV anime "Fate/stay night [Unlimited Blade Works]"
M03. KANA-BOON 'Silhouette'
The opening theme song of TV anime "NARUTO:Shippuden"
M04. Cö shu Nie 'give it back'
The ending theme song of the second season of TV anime "Jujutsu Kaisen"
M05. Sayuri ''Mikazuki'
The ending theme song of TV anime "Rampo Kitan : Game of Laplace』 E
M06. SPYAIR 'Imagination'
The opening theme song of TV anime "Haikyu!!"
M07. sumika 'Shake & Shake'
The theme song of TV anime "Pretty Boy Detective Club"
M08. CHiCO with HoneyWork 'Sekai wa Koi Ni Ochiteiru'
The opening theme song of TV anime "Ao Haru Ride"
M09. T.M.Revolution 'INVOKE'
The opening theme song of TV anime "MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM SEED"
M10. TK from Ling tosite sigure 'unravel'
The opening theme song of TV anime "Tokyo Ghoul"
M11. TrySail 'Gomakashi'
The opening theme song of TV anime "Magia Record, Magical Girl Madoka Magica Gaiden"
M12. Who-ya Extended 'VIVID VICE'https://youtu.be/w9OH3Gf4cOg
The opening theme song of the second season of TV anime "Jujutsu Kaisen"
M13. BLUE ENCOUNT 'Polaris'
The opening theme song of the 4th season of TV anime "My Hero Academia"
M14. FLOW 'GO!!!'
The opening theme song of TV anime "NARUTO"
A spot movie that contains part of the live performances has also been released today. In this movie you can take a glance at all 14 artists' performances!
Comment footages from the artists will be released in series on official Twitter channel @smasonline, so don't miss it.
This event will be streamed to 20 countries and regions by simulcast broadcasting through Stagecrowd and through Veeps, a special version which is an edit from both days of the event, will be broadcasted to the world except Mainland China at 7PM (PST) on the 22nd of January.
【Official Website】 www.smanimesongs.jp/en/
【Official Twitter】 https://twitter.com/smasonline
Event Name: Sony Music AnimeSongs ONLINE 2022
Ticket Sales: Starts 10th December 2021
● Stagecrowd
Date / Time:
【DAY 1】 8th January 2022 (Saturday): Opens 16:00 JST / Starts 17:00 JST
【DAY 2】 9th January 2022 (Sunday): Opens 16:00 JST / Starts 17:00 JST
Archive: Up to one week after the end of the stream
【DAY 1】 8th January 2022: JPY 4,400 (tax included)
Two-day: JPY 8,600 (tax included)
Countries & Regions: Japan, USA, UK, Germany, South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, Thailand, Brazil, Mexico and others.
Ticket Sales Link: https://intl.stagecrowd.live/smaso2022/
● Veeps (Edited Ver.)
Date / Time: 【Edited Ver. DAY 1 & Day 2】 22nd January 2022: Starts 19:00 Pacific Time
Archive: Up to one day after the end of the stream
Ticket Price: USD 20
Countries & Regions: Worldwide (Except China)
Ticket Sales Link: https://smanimesongs.veeps.com/
<Eir Aoi>
Eir Aoi debuted in 2011 with "MEMORIA", the ending theme of "Fate/Zero". Renowned as the Anisong Diva of the Heisei Era, she was in charge of numerous anime theme songs and has appeared in numerous overseas events. She will be releasing a new single "PHOENIX PRAYER" in February 2022.
<KANA-BOON>
KANA-BOON appeared in numerous festivals as an up-and-coming band even before their major debut. In 2014, their song "Silhouette" became the opening theme of "NARUTO Shippuden-" which made the band massively popular. Since then, the band continued to fascinate rock and anime fans with tracks such as "Star Marker", the opening theme of "My Hero Academia".
<Sayuri>
As a singer-songwriter from the 2.5th dimension,, Sayuri has a unique worldview that proved popular among teens and young adults. She made her major debut in 2015 with the song "Mikazuki", the theme song of the TV anime "Rampo Kitan -Game of Laplace-". Her latest single "World Secret", the ending theme of the TV anime "EDENSZERO", is currently on sale.
<sumika>
sumika was formed in 2013. sumika's gentle tone colours their collaborative works with many anime, such as "Fiction" — the opening theme of the TV anime "Wotakoi: Love Is Hard for Otaku", and "HIGHER GROUND" — the theme song of "My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising". They will be releasing their new single "SOUND VILLAGE" on December 1st.
<TK from Ling tosite sigure>
TK from Ling tosite sigure was in charge of the opening theme "unravel" from the TV anime "Tokyo Ghoul", and the opening theme "will-ill" from the 15th-anniversary edition of the TV anime "Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion". His unique sound conveys his originality and delicacy, and attracts many people across various genres. His album "egomania feedback" is currently on sale.
<FLOW>
FLOW was in charge of many anime theme songs such as the opening theme song of "NARUTO". Their overseas appearances have exceeded 56 performances in 18 countries and regions so far, and is a rock band that represents Japan in bringing their music across borders. In December 2021, their new single "DICE" — the opening song of the 15th-anniversary edition of "Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion", will be released.
Categories: MUSIC, ORIGINALS Tags: Featured, Sony Music AnimeSongs ONLINE 2022
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