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THIS WEEK'S AUTO RACES AT A GLANCE
DIGITAL ALLY 400
Site: Kansas City, Kansas.
Schedule: Friday, practice, 11:35 a.m., practice, 1:35 p.m. (FS1), qualifying, 6:05 p.m. (FS1); Saturday, race, 6:30 p.m., FS1.
Track: Kansas Speedway (oval, 1.5 miles).
Race distance: 400.5 miles, 267 laps.
Last year: Kevin Harvick won from the pole.
Last race: Martin Truex Jr. notched his second win in three races on Monday at Dover.
Fast facts: Truex won a rain-delayed race by a whopping 9.5 seconds, even though he had to start at the rear of the field after two pre-race inspection failures. Alex Bowman was second and Kyle Larson finished third, his first top-five finish in 2019. ...Harvick's win at the spring race in Kansas in 2018 was his second victory in a row. Harvick took first at Dover the previous weekend.
Next race: Monster Energy Open & All Star Race, May 18, Charlotte Motor Speedway, Concord, North Carolina.
Online: http://www.nascar.com
Last race: Christopher Bell won his third race of the season.
Next race: Alsco 300, May 25, Charlotte Motor Speedway.
TRUCK SERIES
Schedule: Friday, practice, 8:35 & 10:35 a.m., qualifying, 4:05 p.m. (FS1), race, 7:30 p.m., FS1.
Track: Kansas Speedway.
Last year: Noah Gragson swept the pole and the race.
Last race: Johnny Sauter snapped Kyle Busch's four-race win streak in Delaware.
Fast facts: Sauter got hot around this time a year ago as well. He sandwiched three wins in four starts and finished fifth at Kansas. Sauter has also won three straight races at Dover in the truck series. ...Brett Moffitt, who finished second last weekend, has four top-five finishes and a pole this season, but he hasn't won a race yet. Moffitt had six victories and won the championship in 2018.
Next race: North Carolina Education Lottery 200, May 17, Charlotte Motor Speedway.
SPANISH GRAND PRIX
Site: Barcelona.
Schedule: Friday, practice, 4 a.m. (ESPN2), practice, 8 a.m. (ESPNU); Saturday, practice, 5 a.m. (ESPN2), qualifying, 8 a.m. (ESPN2); Sunday, race, 8:10 a.m., ESPN2.
Track: Catalunya Circuit (2.89 miles).
Race distance: 190.8 miles, 66 laps.
Last year: Lewis Hamilton won from the pole.
Last race: Valtteri Bottas took first in Baku for his second victory of the season.
Fast facts: Hamilton is a good bet to win the race if he wins the pole in Barcelona. The British driver has done so three times in the last five years, and he won the event each time. ...Michael Schumacher holds the circuit record with four consecutive victories from the pole from 2001-04. ...Daniel Ricciardo set the lap record at 1 minute, 18.44 seconds last season. But he finished the race in fifth place.
Next race: Monaco Grand Prix, May 26, Monaco Circuit, Monte Carlo, Monaco.
Online: http://www.formula1.com
Site: Indianapolis, Indiana.
Schedule: Friday, practice, 8:10 a.m., practice, 11:30 a.m., qualifying, 3:35 p.m.; Saturday, warmups, 10:15 a.m., race, 2:50 p.m., NBC.
Track: Indianapolis Motor Speedway road course (2.44 miles).
Last year: Will Power took first on the road course in Indianapolis.
Last race: Alexander Rossi took Long Beach after starting from the front row.
Fast facts: Rossi was the fourth different winner in four races so far this season. Josef Newgarden (St. Petersburg), Colton Herta (Austin) and Takuma Sato (Birmingham) also have victories in 2019. The record for the most drivers to notch at least one win in a season is 11, last set in 2014. ...Rossi has won three of his last 10 IndyCar starts dating back to 2018. ...Power has won two straight and three out of four on Indianapolis's road course, which has hosted a race since 2014.
Next race: The Indianapolis 500, May 26, Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
Online: http://www.indycar.com
NHRA DRAG RACING
Last race: Steve Torrence and Ron Capps topped the list of event winners in Atlanta.
Next race: Virginia Nationals, May 17-19, Virginia Motorsports Park, North Dinwiddie, Virginia.
Online: http://www.nhra.com
Friday-Saturday, Let's Race Two, Eldora Speedway, New Weston, Ohio.
Online: http://worldofoutlaws.com/sprintcars/


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Are Homeopathic Treatments Safe?
by Private Lab Results | Food Test
It's hard to imagine, but the FDA had to issue warning letters to four homeopathic companies to stop selling products that contain lead, mercury, deadly nightshade, and strychnine. The FDA issued the warning letters to Hevert Pharmaceuticals, LLC; MediNatura, Inc.; 8046255 Canada, Inc., doing business as Viatrexx; and World Health Advanced Technologies, Ltd. The companies were selling injectable drug products labeled to contain potentially toxic ingredients such as nux vomica, belladonna (deadly nightshade), mercurius solubilis (mercury), and plumbum aceticum (lead). For example, nux vomica contains strychnine, which is a highly toxic, well-studied poison that is used to kill rodents. The agency is concerned that these potentially toxic ingredients present additional risks of serious harm when delivered directly into the body, including directly into the bloodstream. Viatrexx was also cited for substandard manufacturing practices for sterile drugs.
What are homeopathic drugs?
According to the National Institutes of Health (NIH), homeopathy, also known as homeopathic medicine, is a medical system that was developed more than 200 years ago. It's based on the notion that a disease can be cured by a substance that produces similar symptoms in healthy people and that the lower the dose of the medication, the greater its effectiveness. Many homeopathic products are so diluted that no molecules of the original substance remain. Homeopathic products come from plants, minerals, or animals. Homeopathic products are often made as sugar pellets to be placed under the tongue but can come in other forms, such as ointments, gels, drops, creams, and tablets. Homeopathic products are regulated as drugs under the Federal Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act (FDCA). However, under current Agency policy, the FDA does not evaluate them for safety or effectiveness. The FDA allows homeopathic products that meet certain conditions to be marketed without agency preapproval. For example, homeopathic products must contain active ingredients that are listed in the Homeopathic Pharmacopeia of the United States (HPUS). In addition, the FDA requires that the label on the product, outer container, or accompanying leaflet include at least one major indication (i.e., medical problem to be treated), a list of ingredients, the number of times the active ingredient was diluted, and directions for use. If a homeopathic product claims to treat a serious disease such as cancer, it must be sold by prescription. Only products for minor health problems, like a cold or headache, that go away on their own, can be sold without a prescription.
Are they safe?
It's important to remember that products labeled as homeopathic have not been reviewed by the FDA for safety or effectiveness. Therefore, these products can harm consumers who treat serious diseases or conditions with these types of products. Numerous products have been tested and recalled for incorrect, misleading information on the packaging, non-sterile production conditions, microbial contamination, containing deadly ingredients, and containing ingredients far in excess of the listed amounts. In 2017 Hyland's homeopathic teething products were recalled after being linked to the deaths of 10 children. The FDA concluded the products had mislabeled the amounts of toxic belladonna (deadly nightshade) they contained.
No currently marketed drug products labeled as homeopathic have been approved by the FDA and the agency can not assure these drugs meet modern standards for safety, effectiveness, and/or quality. While they are marketed as natural and safe, there is ample proof that they often are not. There is no premarket review for safety and many contain known toxic ingredients. The FDA is currently finalizing their guidance as to the safety and use of homeopathic products.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


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where in ancient starlight we lay in repose
By: Sternenlicht
Getting a life, loosing a life. The best day in a young mother´s life turns out to be her worst.
Rated: Fiction K - English - Drama/Romance - Words: 5,492 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 10/21/2001 - id: 435961
Disclaimer: I dont own the few lines taken from the X-Files at the end of the story but the other characters are mine!!
... where in ancient starlight we lay in repose.
Life sometimes seems to be too good to be true
Although it had been very cold for weeks, it had only started snowing yesterday - two days before the 24^th December. It was much colder this year than all the ones before.
A young man wearing a thin coat was waiting in front of a cheap pub. He was standing in the light of a streetlamp and in the falling snow he looked somehow like an angel. But he was just an ordinary man around 25 who was freezing and coughing from time to time. It sounded rough and tortured. His face was pale, only his lips were blue from the cold. He was waiting for his wife, who was working in the pub, although being highly pregnant. He had wanted her to stop but she had said they would need the money. Milk and diapers would cost a fortune nowadays, so they should earn as much as they could before the baby's birth since his pay as a handyman wouldn't be enough then. He still didn't agree with her still working but he could see her point.
The young man coughed again. His hazel eyes were looking tired and he seemed to be ill. He knew he hadn't been well for some time now but it had become worse this day and he realized he wouldn't be able to hide this from his wife any more.
The door of the pub was opened and a female figure with a huge belly appeared in the light shining through the entrance.
Leo lifted his head and looked at her. It was his wife, who had finally finished her work. She came towards him and he opened his arms to hug her tightly. She wasn't tall, her head came to rest on his chest. He stroked across her back and her long, dark brown hair was warm under his fingers. "Kiara", he whispered in her right ear, "how are you both?" Leo could feel her smiling. "We are okay because I'm with my beloved husband now". They kept standing there, held each other, but suddenly Leo had to cough again. He turned his face away from her and covered his mouth.
"What's wrong with you?" Kiara's face expressed her concern. She touched his forehead, it was hot against her palm. "You're running a fever, let's go home, you shouldn't have stood here in the cold. Why didn't you come in?"
"I was afraid your employers might fire you if I came in, so I decided to wait here."
Kiara smiled. "They haven't been at work today. You could have come in without any problems. How long have you been standing there?"
"Um, a couple of hours, I didn't have many assignments today." He smiled weakly and felt really sad because she had deserved so much more than a handyman whose pay wasn't enough by far.
After half an hour they came home to their small apartment. It was cold inside, they didn't have the money to heat every day. "Leo, lay down a bit, take an aspirin, I will bring you some soup so that you will be back on your feet soon."
His only reaction was a slight nod and he went to their bedroom where he lied down slowly. He didn't feel well and he had the feeling that his condition had been getting worse the last half an hour. However, he fell asleep at once.
Kiara was in the kitchen, heating some soup for her husband and thinking about their future with the baby. She knew it would be a happy one: A loving husband at her side, a wonderful child and they would manage everything although Leo sometimes thought she would be unhappy since he didn't earn that much.
A heavy coughing from the bedroom interrupted her thoughts. Kiara ran towards it and what she saw terrified her badly: Her husband was lying on the bed, curled up like a small child and his head was red from the racking cough. His chest was raising and falling rapidly and he seemed to be in agonizing pain.
Kiara helped him to lie down in a normal position and touched his forehead again. The fever seemed to be a lot higher than before, surely more than 40°C. His shirt was soaking wet but he was calm again when she took it off together with his shoes and pants. She carefully covered him with a blanket over and gave him another one, too.
"I think, I should take you to hospital... You're not looking well."
"No, no", Leo replied weakly, "Ill be better soon, you're gonna see that. And after all, I should be taking care of you. You're pregnant and I just have a little cold."
"It's okay, honey, you've done so much for me.... You wanna have the soup now?"
"Id like to."
Kiara brought the soup, helped him to sit up again, gave him a few pillows to have it more comfortably and started to feed him the soup. He ate almost everything and she thought that this had been a very good sign.
"Ill bring some cold water to cool you down a bit. Are you okay with that?"
Leo nodded slowly. "Would you mind if I slept some time? I can't tell you how tired I am."
"Honey, how can you ask if I do mind that you want to sleep? It will only help you to get better again."
Leo smiled weakly and tried to lie down but his strength wasn't enough to put away the pillows behind his back. His wife had to help him and she was full of concern again. What should she do if his condition worsened? They didn't even have a phone - it would cost far too much. But then Leo was a strong young man and there might be no problem, it might just be a little cold - like he had said.
Kiara was looking at him again. He was sleeping peacefully right now and no coughing seemed to disturb him. She turned and left the room to get a bowl with cold water and a small towel.
When she came back a few minutes later he appeared to be fast asleep. He only coughed lightly from time to time. Kiara sat down next to him, wet the towel and put it on his forehead. She did that periodically every 20 minutes and it really seemed to make the temperature go down.
But real life is different
Four hours later, around 4.30 a.m., she wanted to wake her husband to check on him.
"Honey, wake up, darling", she whispered in his ear, but Leo didn't stir. Kiara shook him a couple of times, slapped him lightly against his cheeks, but without any success: He was just lying there, breathing somehow irregularly and didn't respond to her tries to wake him up.
"Leo, come on, wake up now. Sleeping time is over, sleepyhead." Kiara tried to sound cheerful but it was useless. Her husband didn't wake up and showed no sign of hearing her.
"What can I do now? I must take him to hospital! But how without a phone? I must wake the neighbors!"
Kiara rushed out of their apartment and over to the next door. She hammered at it and after some minutes the door was opened and a women around 55 dressed in a bathrobe was standing in front of Kiara.
"Mrs. Rutherford, you must help me, please. You must take me to hospital!"
"Young woman, if you are in labor, you'll have to ask Leo to take you there. Um, Leo is still with you, isn't he?"
"Of course, he is. But I'm not in labor, that's not the problem", Kiara cried, "Leo's ill! He's just lying in bed, I can't wake him up, he doesn't even stir and I know he's not breathing normally!"
Mrs. Rutherford turned to her husband who was just coming out of the bedroom, also dressed in a bathrobe.
"Anthony, please take our neighbors to hospital. It will be faster than calling the ambulance first!"
Kiara was sitting in a chair in front of the room Leo had been taken into. The doctors were still with him and they had said that she should wait outside until they would have finished the examination. She was very afraid. Leo hadn't regained consciousness till half an hour ago - the last time she had seen him and she felt that this wasn't "just a little cold".
She didn't know if she should call her sisters or just wait here until morning. But only five minutes later she dialed her sisters number since she realized she couldn't deal with that situation by herself.
After what seemed like an eternity to her, she heard Marisa's sleepy voice: "Davis."
"Marisa, this is Kiara. I'm sorry for calling at this time but Leo's at hospital and I really don't know what to do. He's been unconscious for at least one and a half hours.... Please come here. I don't want to be alone right now."
"Leo's at hospital?" Marisa's voice was suddenly concerned. "Do you already know what's wrong with him?"
"No, the doctors are still examining him and nobody told me how bad it is so far."
"Don't worry, Kiara. Leo's young and strong. He will win this fight, I know. But, of course, Sandra and I will come immediately. We'll be at the hospital in half an hour at the latest."
Somehow Kiara felt better at the thought of her sisters coming soon and she knew that it would be easier for her to take the truth about Leo's sickness with them at her side. They had always had a very good relationship since their mother had died soon after Marisa's birth and although their father had left them not much later and they had to grow up at their grandma's, they had had a great childhood with a lot of joy and fun.
Kiara knew that she could always count on Sandra and Marisa and that they would help her with everything, but they were "only" sisters. Not her husband whom she loved even more than them.
Suddenly the opposite door was opened and one of the doctors came out of the room. Kiara stood up, she was trembling as the man approached her.
"Good morning, lady. My name is Ben Jacobson. You are related to Leo Reeves, aren't you?" the doctor wanted to reassure himself.
"Yes," she answered, "I am his wife, Kiara Reeves. How is he?"
"Well, Mrs. Reeves, I'm sorry that I have to tell you that your husband is suffering from pneumonia. It's not sudden, it must have had time to develop, and now it's quite late to treat it efficiently. Of course, we will do our best to help him and to heal him, but I really cannot promise that he will get well again soon... and I can't even tell you that he is certain to survive."
Kiara was shocked. Pneumonia. He must have hidden that from her for quite a long time. Why hadn't he said anything? She could have helped him, at least she could have taken him to a doctor. Didn't he trust in her? No, that hadn't been his reason, for sure. and I can't even tell you that he is certain to survive...` The doctor couldn't have said something like this some moments ago, could he?
"Dr. Jacobson, you haven't just said that my Leo might die, have you? I think, I misunderstood you...."
"No, Mrs. Reeves, you haven't misunderstood me. I said there could be the possibility that Mr. Reeves might die, but we're not expecting the worst, since he is a strong young man who...." the doctor glimpsed at her belly, "...certainly has every will to fight. How far along are you already?"
Kiara smiled. "Eight months and one week. Leo and I can hardly expect the baby's birth. Well, can I see him now?"
"Yes, you can. But although he regained consciousness about 15 minutes ago, I want you to be prepared: He is very weak at the moment due to the high fever, which hasn't gone down much till now, his breathing is labored - thus we have given him an oxygen mask to make it easier for him to get enough air, and he will be very tired - so don't try to keep him awake. Sleeping is the best thing for him at the moment. And of course, he's getting all the required medication to improve his condition quite soon."
Kiara opened the door to the room Leo was lying in. Seeing him, she came to a dead halt. Although Leo had an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, his breathing still sounded labored - like the doctor had said. He was looking pale and appeared to be sleeping. An IV was going into his right hand and the heart monitor was beeping - about 60 beats per minute.
Lying within all those machines, he looked small and thin. But still like the angel she had met 5 years ago.
It took a great effort to make the few steps towards his bed and she could hardly stop herself from crying. Leo had always been such a strong man and now this! The thought that he could really die came to her mind for the first time.
She sat down next to him and took his left hand. His skin was clammy and she discovered beads of sweat on his forehead. His fever was still high. With her free hand she brushed a few strands of his blond hair out of his face. It crossed her mind that he would need a haircut when he was out of hospital again.
... and I can't even tell you that he is certain to survive...`
This sentence just wouldn't get out of her head! Why couldn't she simply forget that?
Suddenly she felt a slight movement of his fingers against her palm. Immediately she looked at his face. Leo was waking up! Kiara saw that it was a great effort for him to open his eyes but finally he managed. His eyes were wandering around the room and then focused on his wife. Leo gave her a weak smile and tried to say something, but Kiara couldn't understand anything since the oxygen mask still covered his mouth.
"Honey, wait a moment. Ill help you." Kiara stood up and took the mask off his face.
"How are you feeling? You're tired, aren't you?"
Leo nodded slowly, his voice was rough as he answered. "Yeah, I am. But how ... are you and the baby? ... I would never be able ... to forgive myself if something ... happened to you both because of ... me."
"Don't worry, darling, everything's okay. Nothing's wrong. Now, try to sleep again. Don't tire yourself."
He nodded again and closed his eyes. Kiara leaned forward and kissed him on his lips. Then she put the oxygen mask over his mouth again and he fell asleep some moments later.
Kiara felt somehow relieved. There had been no sign to be worried and she believed he would get well soon. She settled back in her chair, kept holding his hand and was ready to sit there for the next hours till he would wake up again.
Five minutes later she glimpsed at her watch. "Well, Sandra and Marisa must be arriving soon. I wonder why they aren't here already. They might have needed more time than they had thought."
But then her thoughts turned to her peacefully sleeping husband again. She had no doubt that he would be able to come out of hospital soon and that they both would raise their child together. Kiara chuckled. It had come to her mind that they still didn't know if it was going to be a boy or a girl. They hadn't even chosen a name yet.
About 10 minutes later she suddenly felt a sharp pain ripping through her.
"No, not now!" she cried. "Leo should be at my side when the baby comes!"
Life is a wonderful gift
In the meantime Sandra and Marisa had come to the hospital and were looking for their sister. They had gone to the emergency room but nobody could tell them where Leo and Kiara were at the moment. The nurses there hadn't even heard of them.
"Marisa, are you sure, that Kiara did really call and it was not just a very realistic dream?" Sandra, who was more than three years older than Kiara and two more years older than Marisa, slowly got impatient.
"You're asking that for the third time now. And for the third and last time: I am completely sure and I was fully awake. We just have to ask someone else!"
A doctor was running past them, he seemed to be in a great hurry, but this was of no matter to Marisa and she caught him by his arm.
"Excuse me, have you heard of a patient called Leo Reeves and his wife Kiara?"
"Kiara Reeves? I think, I've heard this name. Um, not very tall? Long, dark hair?"
Marisa glanced at Sandra with an I-was-right-look and grinned. "Yes, exactly, that must be her. Where is she and her husband?"
"Sorry, I don't know where Mr. Reeves is, but Mrs. Reeves is giving birth at the moment and I must really go and see her. You know, I'm a doctor," he added sarcastically. Then he turned and left.
"Have you heard that?! The baby's coming! I'm so excited! Do you think, it's a boy or a girl?" Marisa was very nervous. You could almost think, it was her own child.
"I don't know. Come on, let's go and have a look for her!"
They rushed to the information desk to get to know where the delivery room was. None of them thought about Leo anymore. The reason why they had come to the hospital was forgotten completely.
"The baby's been in great hurry" a doctor with a broad smile all over his face told them after Sandra and Marisa had reached the delivery room.
"How are they both? Are they okay? Is it a boy or a girl? How tall is it? How...?" Marisa desperately wished she had more than one mouth to ask all her questions at once.
"Both are well, there's nothing to worry. The boy is sleeping - it was very exciting for him, everything's new" the doctor grinned, "and surely you can understand his mom is with him right now. You want to see them, don't you?"
"How can you ask? Of course! We've been waiting for this moment for almost nine months now!"
"OK, it's room no. 412. You have to take this direction", the young doctor pointed to the right, "and then take the next turn to the left. There is it, you'll find it...."
Easily, he had wanted to say. But the sisters had already left. The relation between them must be very close`, he thought, its always good to have some friends around you`. But then his cheerful smile turned slowly into a sad one. Why can't her husband be the same like them? Why isn't he at her side instead of her sisters? I cannot understand men like him!` He was almost angry now.
Of course, he couldn't know that Leo was fighting for his life at the moment, not very far away from his wife, being at her side with every thought - unable to do that physically.
Sandra and Marisa knocked at the door carefully since they didn't want to frighten the newly born boy and his mother. Silently they came in and looking round the corner they could see a very happy Kiara sitting in her bed, with the boy sleeping in her arms.
"Hey, congratulations! How are you?" Sandra asked in a low voice.
"Well, I'm great! I'm just great! Isn't he a cute one?" Kiara was lifting the baby a bit to give her sisters a chance to look at him since he was almost entirely covered by a light blue blanket.
"Oh my God", Marisa chuckled, "he's the sweetest thing I've ever seen on earth! What's his name?"
"I haven't given him one yet. It must be one Leo likes, too, thus I should to talk to him first..."
At mentioning Leo's name Sandra shot a nervous glance to Marisa. It seemed to say Sh... we've forgotten him completely.`
However, Kiara didn't appear to have noticed that glimpse since she continued to speak: "Have you seen him in the meantime? How is he? I hope he's better now, he didn't feel too well when I had to leave."
After a moment of complete stillness, Sandra finally began to speak: "Um, Kiara, um, it's quite embarrassing to tell you this, but, um, you know, it's very exciting, when your sister's getting a baby and, um, ...."
Marisa blurted out: "and we just forgot him."
"What?! What did you say? You forgot Leo?! Oh my God! He's the reason why you came here! I just don't understand you! OK, Marisa, go and find a wheelchair! I want to see him right now. Sandra, you help me with the boy!"
"Kiara, you've just delivered a baby. You can't stand up now and just walk around..."
The young mother shot an angry glance at her. "You have to be quiet. YOU forgot my husband. And after all, I ordered Marisa to get a wheelchair. What do you think it is for? The baby's still too small to win a race against the nurses!" Kiara was in rage now. She just couldn't understand her sisters. Leo was be the last thing she'd forget!
Luckily, Marisa came back just in time to stop the argument between her older sisters. She knew they shouldn't have forgotten Leo. It was ashaming, especially since she felt for him like for a real brother.
Life turns into death
Sandra was pushing the wheelchair Kiara was sitting in, holding the baby, who was still sleeping peacefully. The sisters had made it up, after all, at the moment Leo was more important to Kiara than having an argument with Sandra.
Marisa opened the door to Leo's room and Kiara passed her.
Leo's condition had to have become worse in the last hours. He was hooked up to even more machines and to Kiara it seemed that her husband looked paler and more exhausted than he had before. His small form almost disappeared in the huge bed.
"Hey, darling." His voice was hoarse and quiet but Kiara jumped. She was surprised. She had thought him to be fast asleep.
Quickly she answered: "Leo, sorry, I didn't want to wake you, but someone desperately wanted to visit you." Her voice became softer as she lifted their son so that Leo was able to see him. "Look, honey, that's our son."
This was the last thing Sandra and Marisa could hear since they had decided to leave the room to give the couple some time to be alone with their child. Seeing Leo, they had been shocked. They hadn't ever thought his condition would be this bad. Now they could understand why Kiara had been in such a rage when they had forgotten to look for him.
Inside Leo was holding his baby. He somehow had found the strength to sit up and he'd never felt happier. This was really his child! He still couldn't believe it although he had spent almost seven months dreaming of this moment.
"Honey, have you already been thinking about our son's name?" Kiara asked, but Leo didn't say anything for a long time, he didn't even lift his head to look at her. He just kept holding his son closely. He somehow seemed to be in another world - far away from her, the hospital, the doctors. Only his child appeared to be with him.
It was almost impossible that Leo could have sensed the coming events but he somehow knew he had to keep this moment forever. This moment of complete happiness and joy with his child. He felt this would be the last time he would be able to hold his son, the last time to be with him. He was strangely certain that he would never be able to see him walking the first steps, going to school and finally getting married and what hurt him most: He wouldn't be the one his son would turn to when he needed help.
Leo knew with great certainty that he was going to die.
Dont cry` he told himself. This is not going to be easy, neither for Kiara nor for me.` Leo felt that the last strength he had gathered began to leave him and so he finally returned to reality.
Kiara was relieved. She had thought his behavior to be strange, but now it seemed to her that it was just a father's usual reaction when he saw his child for the first time.
"Isn't he cute?" she asked proudly when Leo returned the boy to her. She didn't repeat the question about his name and that was something she would regret for years.
"Yeah, he's the most beautiful boy I've ever seen in my life." Leo replied while he was lying back. He was too weak now to keep sitting in bed and he was glad when his back touched the sheet again.
"Kiara, please listen carefully now to what I have to tell you." He paused, then continued to speak. "I know, I'm not going to survive this day, maybe not even the next hour. And...", he grabbed her hand and tried not to start crying, "...let me tell you this: I've been loving you since the minute we met and I've never stopped loving you. I love you with all my heart and soul and ... I beg you to go on with your life. There are other men in this world waiting for you to make you happy. And I know that you will raise our son well and that he's getting the best mom ever...."
Leo stopped speaking since it had become difficult and exhausting and because he knew that nothing he could say would be able to ease his wife's pain.
Kiara was staring at him in disbelief. She didn't trust her ears anymore. But slowly his words sunk in and she realized he had meant it the way he had said. However, she tried hard not to cry.
"Leo, what are you saying? The medication makes you to say strange things. Don't believe you're going to die. The doctors had told me otherwise. You'll be able to leave hospital in a few days."
Her husband shook his head. "No, Kiara, I desperately wish it would be true but I know it for sure....I'm so sorry." His voice trailed away and his eyes were closing but he managed to reopen them some moments later and tried to speak again.
His voice was quiet now and Kiara found it difficult to understand him though she had bent over him to hear the last words he was going to say in his mortal life.
"Kiara, love can't be killed by death. I know, we'll see each other again. In another time, in another life. I just leave my body here and then I will meet the others who have already left earth. We'll be reunited in no time." Leo squeezed her hand. "I will always love you."
Then all of the remaining strength left him, his muscles relaxed, a shiver ran through his whole body and his eyes closed. Leo was gone.
He died on the 24^th December, on Christmas. A day that is celebrated because 2000 years ago someone came to earth to give people hope that death wasn't the very end.
For Kiara Christmas would never be the same again in her entire life.
Life is stronger than death
It was cold this evening. Cold and quiet. Snow was covering the grass and the trees. And also the tombstones all around her. She was alone now. Leo had been buried this afternoon and now she just wanted to be alone, with no one by her side. Only her child was with her. She had named him Kevin, since she knew, she wouldn't be able to call him Leo as she had wanted to first. It would be too painful for her. So she had chosen Kevin - the name Leo had liked best.
In the last few days Kevin had been the only one who had been able to enter her world of grief. Only in the moments he had been with her she'd managed not to cry, she'd even managed to smile a bit. After all, he was Leo's and her boy. The touchable legacy of her husband, a child of their love.
Kiara had decided to return to the cemetery since she didn't want to be at home, where everything reminded her of Leo. Now she was taking her way through the graves until she came to a small part of the cemetery which was surrounded by huge trees. Leo had always loved trees, he would have liked this spot. In summer it would be cooler here than in the sun and now she was protected against the cold wind and the snow.
Leo Daniel Reeves
28.9.1975 - 24.12.2000
Loved in eternity
This was it. His tombstone. She still couldn't believe that her husband was dead. Even not with this touchable sign in front of her. He'd just been 25 years old, far too young to die. Far too young to lie buried in the cold earth now. She desperately wished he had been right: That it was only his body which was lying here and that his soul somehow had survived and was in another place now. Wherefrom he could watch her and see that she'd never forget him, the love of her life.
In this moment little Kevin started to cry. He seemed to be hungry. At looking at his small face Kiara realized that life went on. There was someone who needed her and she turned to leave her husband's grave. She would always love Leo but like he had said before his death: Life went on, it hadn't died with him.
They said the birds refused to sing and the thermometer fell suddenly as if God Himself had His breath stolen away.
No one there dared to speak aloud, as much as in shame as in sorrow. They uncovered the bodies one by one. The eyes of the dead were closed as if waiting for permission to open them.
Were they still dreaming of ice cream and monkey bars? Of birthday cakes and no future but the afternoon? Or had their innocence been taken along with their lives buried in the cold earth so long ago?
These fates seemed too cruel, even for God to allow. Or are the tragic young born again when the world's not looking? I want to believe so badly; in a truth beyond our own, hidden and obscured from all but the most sensitive eyes...
In the endless procession of souls... in what cannot be destroyed and will not be destroyed.
I want to believe we are unaware of God's eternal recompense and sadness. That we cannot see His truth. That that which is born still lives and cannot be buried in the cold earth. But only waits to be born again at God's behest...
...where in ancient starlight we lay in repose.
[X-Files; Closure]


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Samuel Colman
Samuel Colman was an important painter of the second generation of Hudson River School artists. He was born in Portland, Maine in 1832 but was raised in New York City. His father, as an art book dealer and publisher, exposed his son to a world of fine art prints and a community of artists and writers. Among Samuel's first teachers was Hudson River School painter Asher B. Durand. Under this gifted artist's guidance, Samuel made considerable strides in his painting and by the age of 18 exhibited his first work, entitled Morning, at the National Academy of Design. In 1860, Colman became an associate professor at the Academy and later that year, embarked on the first of many trips to Europe. He traveled to Switzerland, Italy, and France, Spain, Morocco and even North Africa. He became a full member of the National Academy of Design in 1862.
Upon returning to the United States, Colman continued to follow his adventurous spirit away from the beaten path. While most of his colleagues stayed close to home, only he and Thomas Moran journeyed to the rugged landscapes of the American West, painting the breathtaking regions of Utah, Wyoming, the Oregon Trail and the Grand Canyon in Arizona.
As his style matured, it developed a subtle luminescent quality, manipulating light to create a sparkling silvery atmosphere. His goal was not to create a dramatic scene, but a delicate reflection. Samuel Colman's works are widely held in public and private collections.
Colman was a key person in establishing watercolor as an independent medium that was good for more than just sketching. He served as one of the founders and the first president of the American Society of Watercolor Painters, founded in 1866. Colman wrote two books on art: Nature's Harmonic Unity and Proportional Form. He was also an etcher, art collector, an authority on oriental art and porcelains, and an interior designer, working with John La Farge and Louis Tiffany.


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Happy New Year everybody! And while I am at it thanks for reading my Blog!
I got another chance between the battering of the storms here to go out rockpooling and found some more new things.
The other truly amazing new creature I found in masses was this beautiful seaslug called Elysia viridis. Thanks to Anbollenessors post I knew already why they are so amazing. They live in a so called subcellular endosymbiosis with chloroplasts that the extract by feeding on Velvet Horn Codium Fragile and probably also other green seaweeds as the codium fragile is an invasive species. They maintain the chloroplasts in their bodies and use the sugars created by it to supplement their diet which is just breathtaking! (Info from wikipedia) The abundance was so great it was impossible not to catch them. Another stunning looking and fascinating animal with their sparkling green dots on the sides and almost wing like back they look so out of this world. I really like to watch them as to me snails have such majestic appearance the way they move.
The Goose Barnacles have done well so far and finally got their place in the display aquarium again – they where in the sump since their first introduction didnt go too well. This time I built a fixture to hang in from the top so the hermits cant get at them. Its also more natural as in the wild they attach mainly to flotsam. I thought the wrasse is going to go at them very quickly but for some reason is not interested at all, yet…which is great! They really deserve to be seen in the maintank as they look so beautiful. The yellow rim has faded a bit on some of them. Not sure if thats due to less light in the sump or the "unnatural" diet. When I feed them artemia shrimp or rotifiers I take them out to make sure they get all of it for themselves.
All of the small clams have found their way into the sand and have disappeared. However I havent found any siphon holes yet in the sand but expect it once they settled and start feeding? The large one is still above the sand and gets a lot of – probably unwanted – attention of the wrasse. Its always about 3mm open but still alive and did expel a lot of guuy stringly stuff of which I am not sure exaclty what it is. It was in a bad state when I found it so I am not sure if it is dying or recovering or this is just normal waste or even egg or sperm mass.
…I felt sorry and brought it back onto its rock. Since then it didnt move a millimeter.
Its great to observe the anemones when they are "looking around" or probing and scratching rocks to make sure no other anemone comes too close or maybe to scout the area before going on the move.
← Break in the weather…off to the rocks!


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Last year, experimental music weirdo Trey Spruance and the rest of his Secret Chiefs 3 project delivered a night of "epic lunacy" for a Vancouver crowd, but the band will make their return to Canada a bit further east on their upcoming trip.
A spate of shows have been announced that will have Secret Chiefs 3 busy for much of May. While the trip kicks off in the Pacific Northwest at Seattle's Sunset venue on May 7, the band skip a trip to BC this time around. Instead, the Chiefs have pencilled in a Canadian two-night stand at Toronto's Drake Hotel May 24 to 25.
You can see the rest of the tour details down below.
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Risking It With Scott by Cameron Allie #NewAdult #NewRelease #Contemporary #RomanceBooks @CamAllieErotica @changelingpress
Posted on April 19, 2019 by jessicacoultersmith
Genres/Themes: Contemporary, New Adult
The most challenging part of Scott's new job as a sales rep for Winters Beer is attempting to get the local bar, the Fiddler, to sell their brew. Why? The bartender, Mercedes. She's gorgeous, sexy, and smart, and she turns him down every time he approaches her. After coming to her rescue, she rewards him with a kiss — and her number. But when it comes to love, Scott has a dirty past, and he's not quite ready to risk his heart again. He hopes one carnal night will be enough to satisfy his need for the elusive barkeep.
Mercedes knows she shouldn't trust Scott. Not after hearing the rumors at the bar, rumors from women saying he doesn't call after their night together, or worse, he never calls at all in the first place. After one wild night in his bed, he delivers a crushing blow — he's not interested in a relationship. But she's welcome in his bed, anytime.
Will pride keep her from enjoying the pleasure she finds in his arms? Can Scott overlook past pain and risk his heart all over again?
Get it Today at Changeling Press
pre-order for April 26th at retailers
Copyright ©2019 Cameron Allie
He'd been hoping to see Mercedes, but as the owner of the Fiddler droned on and on about building miniature tanks from World War One, his new hobby, it became clear that Scott was going to be disappointed.
As the newest sales rep at Winters Beer, Scott had been tasked with trying to build their brand in northwestern Ontario. He traveled to various restaurants, bars, and hotels in an attempt to get them to expand their product line to include Winters Beer.
For months he'd been trying to get Winters into the Fiddler. It was a popular watering hole, one his friends often frequented. The owner, Jim Sanders, was dragging his feet when it came to adding to the menu. Scott had a feeling Jim was looking to sell the bar. His interest seemed torn between too many things. Midlife crisis, Scott thought, as he looked over the man who had recently dyed his hair and was in the midst of growing a poorly shaped goatee.
It didn't really bother Scott, though. He didn't mind Jim's hesitation. It gave him more opportunities to run into Mercedes.
As far as he was concerned, Mercedes was a goddess.
She was a bartender there. She had straight black hair, so straight that not a strand was ever out of place. Occasionally she'd braid a little strip down the front, and it would sway to and fro as she rushed to fill drink orders. She worked at both the Fiddler and at Club Ivy, a nearby night club. He noticed when she worked at the bar her makeup was always more conservative, yet still she wore bright lipstick, while at the club she usually wore a thick line of black eyeliner, curving out from the corner of her eye. It was generally enhanced by a bright color, a bold green or daring purple. Despite her workplace, she always had polished nails with little embellishments on the thumbnails.
He wanted to see her hair messed up after a night of passionate sex. He wanted to see her makeup smudged beneath her eyes come morning, but mostly he wanted to see those fingernails digging into his flesh as he rode deep between her legs.
Scott fought not to get a boner as he stood talking with Jim. He glanced toward the empty bar. The Fiddler wouldn't be open for another hour, but sometimes Mercedes came in early. It was the best time to talk to her.
For months now he'd been chasing her. He'd flirt. She'd flirt. He'd ask her out. She'd say no.
He didn't understand.
His best friend Heath kept telling him it was part of her job to flirt. She did it for tips, but Scott knew it was more than that. He knew there was something special between them. And he knew she felt it too.
He just couldn't figure out why she kept turning him down.
Unhappy with how his business had concluded, Scott headed for the exit. Jim was still being reluctant, and Scott wondered if something more was happening than just stubbornness. Jim had said he'd meet with Allan again, but the whole thing pissed Scott off. It wasn't the first time they'd set up a meeting, then Jim had blown Allan off and didn't show up. Besides, it was Scott's job to land the sale, not Allan's. Allan was the owner of the company, and more recently, an engaged man. He should be spending his time showering his fiancée, Candice, with love and affection.
As he approached the double doors of the bar, he heard a frustrated voice through the wood, followed by repeated banging and thumping noises.
"Stupid, Goddamned, fuckin' thing!"
Scott opened the door that wasn't vibrating on its hinges and saw Mercedes standing on the other side trying in vain to pull her key out.
"Hey. Having some trouble?"
She glanced at him before straightening her braid. "No, I just thought I'd fight with the lock for no reason." She returned her attention to the key and gave it another pull.
"Sorry," she apologized for her outburst. "What are you doing here?"
"Talking with Jim. Again."
She nodded. "I see. I take it that it didn't go well?"
"He's being stubborn."
"Yeah, he's like that. And cheap, too! Like this lock. It would take nothing to fix it. Hell, I offered to change it myself, but he won't shell out the money for a new one. Stingy bastard."
Worried Jim might overhear their conversation, Scott shut the door. He'd gone back to his office, but Scott didn't want to chance her losing her job over a conversation. "Want me to get it out?" he offered.
Mercedes smiled at him. "It's okay." She tried again, failed, and slapped her palm against the wood surface. This time she refrained from swearing, though Scott assumed she'd only done so because he was standing there.
"Want me to try now?"
"No. I'll get it." Twenty seconds later, after jiggling and pulling the key, she slumped. With her forehead against the door she finally gave in. "It's cold out here. I give."
For December it was unseasonably warm, but he understood. "My fee just went up."
"My fee for helping. It went up. See, the first time you refused my help I understood. You wanted to do it yourself. The second time you were being stubborn, and I've had my fill of stubborn today. I'll help you, but it will cost you."
More from Cameron Allie at Changeling Press
This entry was posted in Erotic Romance, Guest Authors, New at Changeling Press and tagged Contemporary Romance, erotic romance, New Adult Romance, New Release by jessicacoultersmith. Bookmark the permalink.


Wonderful weekend here. I took Friday off work to celebrate husband's birthday and we had an amazing time. We all headed up to Madison for a family day, and did some of husband's favorite things – lunch at his favorite pub and a tour of some gaming stores up there. We also did the children's museum with Little Man, and of course – stopped at a few antique malls.
Isn't it wonderful? It's a gorgeous little bedside table that fits perfectly into the tiny space next to my side of the bed. The paint needs to be freshened up, but otherwise it's in great condition. It's hard to see in the photo, but on the back of the table is a vertical magazine pocket – so handy, and gives it a little extra bit of charm. But the best part about this table? It was only $30! We've been searching for bedside tables since we moved in and I realized that the bureau-style tables I wanted to make over wouldn't fit in the bedroom at all. So excited to not be using moving boxes as a table anymore! Well, on my side at least… we still need to find a table for husband's side. But we're halfway there.
Our visit to Madison was a day trip, but we have a superb antiques mall in our town as well – Colonial Antique Mall. I absolutely adore this place. I always find something (usually multiple somethings) when I go in there, and the prices are completely reasonable. They have a consignment section in the basement that I call the "bargain basement" with the best prices of all.
You may remember that our dining room still has no dining furniture at all. We do not dine. We eat meals scrunched around the coffee table in the living room. Not fun, so getting the dining room usable is high on my list. But furniture, especially large pieces, is so expensive! I've felt discouraged for months, knowing there is no way ever that I will be dropping 2k on a china cabinet or hutch.
Is it not the most gorgeous hutch you've ever seen? And only $150!? You'll see one of the knobs is broken (I found it in a drawer when we got it home, so I'm hopeful of repair) and it has one little scratch on the top that is hardly noticeable at all. Otherwise, it's in glorious condition. But the best part? I took the tag to the cash register and the kind lady ringing me out gave me another heart attack. She said to me – "Do you know this has been marked down?" Do I know this has been marked down!? Apparently the seller was insane. Or knew in their hearts I was out there, and had faith I would come at just the right moment and make a home it. Do you want to know how much I paid? It was on sale for just $114! So after tax, it cost me $122. Win! Win! Win! Could not believe my luck. Since hutches, even small ones, do not fit in Honda Civics, we did have to rent a truck, but fortunately Menards rents pick up trucks for $25 for an hour, which is all we needed. So all in including the truck rental, we paid $147 for this lovely piece of furniture.
Once I got it home, I started a little research on it. Additional marks on the piece read Baumritter and "Made in Vermont". Apparently Baumritter was the first name of the company that started out as Ethan Allen. They used the name "Ethan Allen Baumritter" between 1936 – 1969, so I have an earlier EA piece. On the inside door I also found a poison control poster copywrited to 1959, so that further narrows the dates of it's manufacture to between 1936-1959. It was clearly made in Vermont. It's solid maple – there isn't a piece of plywood or MDF on this thing. It's a dream.
On Ebay, similar pieces are going from anywhere from $500 to over $1,000. So I got a good deal! The bottom cabinet will house my sewing supplies and fabrics. Since I don't have a craft room, I needed a place to keep supplies that is easy to access and near a big work surface (the dining table, when ever we build it), but still enclosed so it doesn't look cluttered and messy all the time. The hutch solves that problem! The larger drawer will hold table linens. The silverware drawer will hold serving pieces. And the top shelves will display some of my milk glass and Blue Willow.
The house is slowly but surely coming together. And I'm happy, as always, to buy second hand and get a great deal!
– Finally found the perfect recipe for home made buns/soft sandwich bread from The Kitchen Whisperer. The secret to a soft sandwich bread is dairy (usually milk) but since husband and I are both lactose-intolerant, that wasn't happening. This particular recipe calls for butter mixed in at the end (which I thought was weird, but hey – all I had to lose was a batch of flour, yeast, some salt and a bit of Earth Balance if it failed). Subbing Earth Balance for the butter was a no-brainer, and the bread turned out perfectly.
– I'm about two weeks late on seed starting, because I've been searching for over a month for a new grow light set up. I'm tired of leggy, lethargic seedlings! After checking every hardware store and garden center in the vicinity and coming up empty handed, I finally caved in and ordered one from Amazon. I chose the Enviro-Gro 22-foot 4-light fixture at $90. Yes, it was pricey – but I'm hoping it will last a long time and more than pay for itself in allowing me to start quality veg seedlings at home. And I'm excited to repurpose our Ikea Sniglar changing table into a seed starting station. We'll start tomatoes, pepper and cabbages this weekend and kick the garden season into high gear.
– We haven't been thrift store shopping in a good long while, but this weekend Little Man and I hit the jackpot – we found a new wooden train track section, a play construction helmet, a Play Doh extruder and a Richard Scarry book for him. And for me, I found a set of six Fire King milk glass dinner plates, a rectangular milk glass dish with a basket weave pattern (perfect for Easter egg display!), and two books – Home Comforts: The Art & Science of Keeping Home by Cheryl Mendelson and a vintage (I think it's from the 1960s, by the look of the dress patterns) Better Homes & Gardens Sewing Book.
– In preparation for the outdoor season, we've added some gear to our homestead – a new shovel in anticipation of breaking much ground for garden beds, a pruning saw for the fruit and nut trees that will arrive any time now, a fire pit, a children's Adirondack chair so Little Man has his own place to enjoy the backyard, and some wire baskets that will be perfect for root vegetable storage in the root cellar setup I hope to arrange in the basement this summer.
So, that's life for the moment at Apartment Farm – quiet, but nice.
Family vacation this year was a bit of a mixed bag. We were supposed to camp for a week at Mississippi Palisades State Park, but the weather was downright horrid – either dangerously hot and humid, or severe thunderstorms. So we ended up with plan B and stayed in a hotel for two nights, camped for just one and came home a day early. Fortunately we were able to salvage our trip with plenty of time in the hotel pool, as well as fun visits to the De Immigrant Windmill (where they grind their own flour – which tastes amazing), the Sawmill Museum, Heritage Canyon, and Wide River Winery (the Felony Red cabernet sauvignon is especially good and didn't give us the tannin headaches we usually get with red wine).
And shockingly – they're going for $20.00 each on eBay! So I got $80.00 worth of jars for just $8.00. I knew they were a real find when I spotted them. The steins are starting for about $5.00 apiece on eBay, so those were a pretty good bargain as well. So all in, I got $100.00 worth of milk glass for just $20.00. And the best part – we'll use them every day.
How about that shot of robin's egg blue in the background? The milk glass really stands out against it, and the color really brightens the entire cabinet. Most of our towels are this color, and we have a few watercolors of Paris up that feature a soft color palette, so the blue coordinates perfectly. And you want to know what that blue is made of? A piece of $2.50 poster board, affixed to the back wall of the cabinet with poster putty! I didn't want to do anything permanent like painting the back in case we ever change our decor – I like the flexibility of just taking out the paper and putting in a different color. Or, if we get bored of the flat panel of color, we can switch it out with something with a little more interest. At the art store, I briefly considered getting a map of Paris or a bird/postmark print on a blue background but I went with the simple solid blue because I didn't want the cabinet to look too busy with my milk glass in it.
It's not anything new to the bathroom since I've had it set up like this since we moved in, just a little vignette that I like and thought I'd share. Notice the milk glass? I really do it have it everywhere in my house. I use these small glasses to hold tealight candles.
I'm really pleased how the etagere turned out. Not only do we have a lot more storage, but it looks really good, if I do say so myself. If you've got a similar situation in your bathroom, why not try sprucing things up with a simple shot of color? Who knew posterboard would be just the trick?


We really enjoyed these. They made enough to feed us the next day for lunch too. I think I even sent some home with my dad, and just realized he never told me if he liked them or not...hmmm...how rude! :o) O'well. We liked them. I will make them again, but next time I'm gonna add LOTS more cheese. I like lots of cheese in my calzones. These were really easy to throw together. And as you can see, my picky toddler loved them too! YAY!
Preheat oven to 450 degrees. In a large skillet, combine sausage, hamburger, and onion. Cook until brown. Drain excess grease. Pour in tomatoes and chilies. Stir to combine and cook for about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and let it cool a little. In a bowl, combine all the cheeses and egg. Add a dash of salt and pepper. Add the cooled meat mix to the cheese mix and stir gently to combine. Divide the pizza dough into 8 equal size balls. Roll out on a floured surface to make a 6 inch circle. Place 1/8th of the meat and cheese mix in the middle of each circle. Fold the circle in half and gently press to flatten and spread the filling inside. Press with a fork along the edge to seal your calzone closed. Transfer to a greased baking sheet. Repeat with remaining dough and filling. Brush calzones with olive oil. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. ENJOY!
YUMMO is right! These look SO tasty.
Amen to the cheese, sista!