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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 108. JUNE 22, 1895.

_edited by Sir Francis Burnand_

ROUNDABOUT READINGS.

[Illustration]

It has been noticed by philosophers that a mere name will often lead
a man to his ruin. Why, for example, was JOHN DARLEY fined twenty
shillings and costs at the Tynemouth Petty Sessions? He met a
boiler-smith, RICHARD ROTHWELL, riding on a bicycle. Thereupon,
without any apparent reason, he used abusive language, bashed the
unoffending boiler-smith on the nose, brandished a knife, and shouted
out, "Come on!--I'm JOHNNY DARLEY, from Byker." There you have it.
Residing, as he did, in a perpetual comparative, he naturally despised
and loathed the positive "byke." Hence his violent assault on its
rider.

  * * *

I observe, with deep regret, that Professor LLOYD, of Southport,
has been fined for trespassing on a railway bridge at Preston. The
Professor did not want to stay there. All he wished to do, and all
that he actually did, was to dive off into the water below. He is an
aquatic Professor, and informed the Bench that he was obliged to do
these things to keep up his reputation.

  * * *

  I'll tell you a tale of Professor LLOYD,
    Who dived off a bridge at Preston--
  An act that the magistrates much annoyed,
    Though he kept both his coat and vest on.
  They said "You mustn't repeat this joke,
    Professor, or else you'll rue it."
  But LLOYD, the Professor, he up and spoke,
    And said, "I'm obliged to do it.
  Up on the bridge I stand for awhile,
    I stand till I fairly shiver.
  Then down I go--it seems like a mile--
    And I plunge in the bubbling river.
  I hope your worships won't "queer my pitch,"
    For I'm sorry to give you trouble
  In maintaining a reputation which
    Is so closely combined with bubble."

  * * *

I wish I had been in Hawick lately. Ever since I first learnt the
rudiments of the English language I have been haunted by a desire to
know how a man looked and acted when he "bussed the Standard." They've
done that at Hawick "in connection," as I read, "with the celebration
of the ancient custom of the Common Riding." Later on "the local
slogan '_Teribus_' was sung with great vigour." There is something
crushing, scattering, and battle-heralding about the mere sound of
that fearful word.

  * * *

J. B., who describes himself as "A Residenter in Oswald Road," writes
to _The Scotsman_ to complain of the flimsy material used in the
construction of the lamp-posts near his dwelling. The other day a
milk-van ran away--at least, the horse drawing it did. "One would
think," says J. B., "the progress of such a small vehicle would have
been arrested by coming into collision with one lamp-post, but four
posts were destroyed by the van. On examination it is found that the
foundation of a street lamp-post only goes three inches into the
stone below it. With such a short hold the lamp-post is easily toppled
over." Of course it is. To fix lamp-posts so inadequately gives
a direct encouragement to milk-vans to run away and attempt their
destruction. Let the Lord Provost of Edinburgh look to it.

  * * *

The Master and the Matron of the workhouse at Stratford-on-Avon have
resigned, and the guardians have been "considerably discussing" the
appointment of their successors. Eventually it was resolved, not
only to reduce the salaries, but also--hear this, ye licensed
victuallers!--to cut off the beer-money hitherto paid. What dignity
can possibly attach to a workhouse officer who has to pay for his own
beer? It is by such insidious attacks as this that the foundations of
public confidence are shaken, and the whole fabric of the Constitution
is endangered. My mind misgives me when I attempt to forecast the
future of Stratford.

  * * *

At Tetbury there is a lodge of the recently-established Conservative
Working Men's Benefit Society. It is called--_absit omen_--the Trouble
House Lodge, and quite recently it held a _fete_ and dinner. 'Tis
always _fete_-day somewhere in the world. Indeed, the amount of
_fetes_ that take place on any given day in provincial England is
astounding. Without frequent _fetes_ no district can be considered
respectable.

  * * *

  In the world that we live in our troubles are great;
    To add to their number is scarcely the game.
  Nay, how can these lodgers delight in their _fete_,
    With perpetual trouble attached to their name?

  * * *

At Owens College, Manchester, so I gather from the letter of "An
Old Student" in _The Manchester Guardian_, some of the students are
beginning to feel, that "while its teaching of specific subjects is
admirable, in fact, unsurpassed, its general education--that education
which consists in the development of men--has not yet reached the same
level." They therefore wish to develop athletics, and by making the
modest subscription of 10_s._ 6_d._ compulsory on all, "to decoy the
unathletic man into taking exercise almost without knowing it." At
present only 150 out of 800 students pay up. I heartily commend this
proposal, though I confess I should like to know what sort of
exercise it is that a man can take almost without knowing it. Let
the unathletic man be decoyed by all means, but let him thoroughly
understand that he is to take exercise, and take it, if possible, with
reasonable violence.

  * * *

MR. N. F. DRUCE, of Cambridge, is, as I write, at the head of the
batting averages of this year, and next to him comes the marvellous W.
G.

  Ye batsmen attend, of my hints make a use,
  And consider the greatness of GRACE and of DRUCE.
  If you wish to make hundreds your names, you'll agree
  Must be monosyllabic and end with c, e.

       *       *       *       *       *

ASCOT.

_To Monsieur Punch._

_Cher Monsieur_,--Last year I am gone to your races of Ascot. It is
beautiful, it is ravishing, but how it is dear! Thousand thunders,
how it is dear! I go to the _Grand Prix_, I pay twenty francs, that is
also dear, but it is all, it is finished. Eh well, I desire to see one
time your Gold Cup, and I go of good hour by railway. Arrived there I
pay one pound, that what you call one sov., and I enter. I suppose I
can go by all--_partout_, how say you? Ah, but no! I see by all some
_affiches_ "One Pound."

I can to write your language enough well, but I speak with much of
difficulty. Therefore I read the affixes without nothing to ask.
Thus when I read "One Pound" I go no more far. I walk myself in
the charming garden and I see the beautiful misses. Ah how they are
adorable! DAUDET has wrong, DAUDET is imbecile, they are adorable. It
is not the pain to pay again some pounds for to see to run the horses,
when I can to see the misses who walk themselves here, without to pay
of more.

But in fine I am fatigued. Also I have great hunger, for it is the
hour of the _dejeuner_. But without doubt one is obliged to pay one
pound before to enter the bar. My word, I will not! I shall not pay
one sov., and more, for a squashed lemon and a bun of Bath. I go to
smoke at place of that, and I walk myself at the shade all near of an
arch.

All of a blow all the world lifts himself and comes very quick towards
me. I cannot escape, I am carried away by the crowd, I arrive to the
arch. I think "_Du courage, AUGUSTE mon cher! Sois calme! S'il y
a encore une livre a payer----_" But there is no sov., and I pass.
Thousand thunders! What is, then, this noise? Is he a revolution, a
riot of Anarchists? Ah, no! It are the bookmakers. The bookmakers
in the midst of the ladies! Hold, it is droll! And I pay one sov. to
stand with those men there! It is too strong! I go more far, I pass
the barrier, I am alone on the grass. I go to left. I see some men, in
a cage of iron, who cry also. It is--how say you?--"Tatersal." Then,
ah heaven, I arrive at the true _Pesage!_ Not of burgesses, not of
villain beasts of bookmakers, not even of "Tatersals." But _partout_
the ladies the most beautiful, the most charming, the most adorable!
It is there I go! Even if I pay one sov., two sovs., three sovs., I
go!

I essay to enter. The policeman stops me. I say, "One pound?" and I
offer to him one sov. He looks all around, and then he says, quite
low, "No good, Sir--the inspector's looking." I say, "She is good,
that pound there, I assure you of it. Is there two to pay?" And I hold
one other. Then the inspector comes and says I bribe the policeman. I
say that no. He says that yes. I am furious. I say I pay the entrance.
He says, "Get off the course." I refuse. He pushes me. I resist. Other
policemen push me. Just heaven, they force me to go! I cannot resist.
Then all the people in face cry furiously. They shout "Welshman!" How
they are stupid! Can they think that I am a Welshman--me, AUGUSTE? Ah,
that it is droll! Then the policemen run, and I run also. I wish not
to run, but I am forced. And, in fine, we are at the railway station,
and they put me in a train, and I arrive to London at three o'clock.
See there all that I have seen of your races of Ascot, and I have paid
one sov. It costs very dear.

  Sincere friendships, AUGUSTE.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: "HONEY, MY HONEY!"

_Chinaman._ "MUCH OBLIGED TO YOU FOR THIS LITTLE ADVANCE; BUT I'M
AFRAID I SHALL WANT SOME MORE SOON."

_Bear_ (_aside_). "SO SHALL I! A GOOD DEAL MORE--FROM _YOU_."

    [_Hums "Oh, honey, MY honey!"_
]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: HONI SOIT QUI MAL Y PENSE.

_Auntie._ "ARCHIE, RUN UP TO THE HOUSE, AND FETCH MY RACKET. THERE'S A
DEAR!"

_Archie_ (_preparing to depart_). "ALL RIGHT. BUT I SAY, AUNTIE, DON'T
LET ANYBODY TAKE MY SEAT, WILL YOU?"]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration]

THE MAN AND THE MAID.

(_Up-to-date "Biking" Version._)

  "Where are you going, young Man?" cried the Maid.
  "I'm going a cycling, Miss!" he said.
  "May I come with you, young Man?" asked the Maid.
  "Why. ye-e-es, if you feel like it, Miss!" he said.
  "But--why do I find you like Man arrayed?"
  "Oh, knickers are cumfy, young Man!" she said.
  "But the boys will chevvy you, Miss, I'm afraid!"
  "What does _that_ matter, young Man?" she said.
  "Are you a Scorcher, young Man?" asked the Maid.
  "Nothing so vulgar, fair Miss!" he said.
  "Then I don't think much of you!" mocked the Maid.
  "Neither does 'ARRY, sweet Miss!" he said.
  "What is your ideal, young Man?" said the Maid.
  "A womanly Woman, fair Miss" he said.
  "Then _I_ can't marry you, Sir!" cried the Maid.
  "Thank heaven for _that_, manly Miss!" he said.

       *       *       *       *       *

A RULE OF CONDUCT.

You _say_ to a man what you _couldn't_ write to him; and you _write_
to a man what you _wouldn't_ say to him.--JAMES THE TRAN-QUILL PENMAN,
J.P.

       *       *       *       *       *

SCRAPS FROM CHAPS.

A famous old mill has been burned to the ground. None other than that
situate upon the river Dee, where a certain jolly miller sang songs
and earned the envy of "bluff King HAL" in days of old, wearing the
white flour of a blameless life. He also wore a white hat, for the
purpose, it is said, of keeping his head warm. The modern miller wears
one in summer to keep his head cool. No doubt he found it useful at
the fire. Great thing to keep a cool head on such occasions. The
mill has now been destroyed by fire four times. There was an ancient
prophecy, according to a local paper, that it was doomed to be burned
down three times. This Delphic oracle would, of course, have inspired
the simple gentlemen of old Greece to give up insuring after the third
fire. Probably the modern "miller of the Dee" has committed a paradox,
and profited by a lofty disregard for his prophet.

  * * *

All Saints Church, Old Swan, is the first Liverpool church which has
adopted the innovation of lady choristers wearing the new surplices
and caps, which have been specially designed for their use. The
surplices are quite unlike those used by the clergy; they are more
like dolmans. The caps are of the shape worn by a D.C.L., and are made
of violet velvet. One of the most cogent reasons for their adoption
is expressed by the Rev. Canon WILKINSON, who, as appears from the
_Sheffield and Rotherham Independent_, writes thus:--"Since these
garments have been introduced, the offertories in the church have been
increased by at least one-third."

       *       *       *       *       *

INTERNATIONAL DISCOURTESY.--The French law, it seems, requires the
owner of a yacht, in which he is himself sailing, to supply stores of
victual and drink for his crew. A French yacht put in at Dartmouth,
says the _Field_, and the Dartmouth Custom-house officials darted
down on her, and made the owner pay for what he used of his own. "They
manage these things better in France." This would have been indeed, "a
This would have been indeed, "a 'Custom' more honoured in the breach
than in the observance."

       *       *       *       *       *

RUS IN URBE

A SKETCH IN REGENT'S PARK.

    SCENE--_A railed-in corner of the Park._ TIME--_about_ 7 P.M.
    _Inside the inclosure three shepherds are engaged in shearing
    the park sheep. The first shepherd has just thrown his patient
    on its back, gripped its shoulders between his knees, and
    tucked its head, as a tiresome and obstructive excrescence,
    neatly away under one of his arms, while he reaches for the
    shears. The second is straddled across his animal, which is
    lying with its hind legs hobbled on a low stage under an elm,
    in a state of stoical resignation, as its fleece is deftly
    snipped from under its chin. The third operator has almost
    finished his sheep, which, as its dark gray fleece slips away
    from its pink-and-white neck and shoulders, suggests a rather_
    decolletee _dowager in the act of removing her theatre-cloak
    in the stalls. Sheep, already shorn, lie and pant in shamed
    and shivering bewilderment, one or two nibble the blades of
    grass, as if to assure themselves that that resource is still
    open to them. Sheep whose turn is still to come are penned up
    at the back, and look on, scandalised, but with an air which
    seems to express that their own superior respectability is a
    sufficient protection against similar outrage. The shearers
    appear to take a humorous view of their task, and are watched
    by a crowd which has collected round the railings, with an
    agreeable assurance that they are not expected to contribute
    towards the entertainment._

_First Work-Girl_ (_edging up_). Whatever's goin' on inside 'ere?
(_After looking--disappointed._) Why, they aint on'y a lot o' sheep! I
thought it was Reciters, or somethink o' that.

[Illustration: "They ain't on'y a lot o' sheep! I thought it was
Reciters, or somethink o' that."]

_Second Work-Girl_ (_with irony_). They _look_ like Reciters,
don't they! It do seem a shime cuttin' them poor things as close as
convicks, that it do!

_First W. G._ They don't mind it partickler; you'd 'ear 'em 'oller
fast enough if they did.

_Second W. G._ I expeck they feel so ridic'lus, they 'aven't the 'art
to 'oller.

_Lucilla_ (_to_ GEORGE). Do look at that one going up and sniffing at
the bundles of fleeces, trying to find out which is his. _Isn't_ it
pathetic?

_George._ H'm--puts one in mind of a shy man in a cloak-room after a
party, saying feebly, "I rather think that's _my_ coat, and there's a
crush-hat of mine _somewhere_ about," eh?

_Lucilla_ (_who is always wishing that_ GEORGE _would talk more
sensibly_). Considering that sheep don't _wear_ crush-hats, I hardly
see how----

_George._ My dear, I bow to your superior knowledge of natural
history. Now you mention it, I believe it _is_ unusual. But I merely
meant to suggest a general resemblance.

_Lucilla_ (_reprovingly_). I know. And you've got into such a silly
habit of seeing resemblances in things that are perfectly different.
I'm sure I'm _always_ telling you of it.

_George._ You are, my dear. But I'm not nearly so bad as I _was_.
Think of all the things I used to compare _you_ to before we were
married!

_Sarah Jane_ (_to her_ Trooper). I could stand an' look on at 'em
hours, I could. I was born and bred in the country, and it do seem to
bring back my old 'ome that plain.

_Her Trooper._ I'm country bred, too, though yer mightn't think it.
But there ain't much in sheep shearin' to _my_ mind. If it was _pig
killin'_, now!

_Sarah Jane._ Ah, that's along o' your bein' in the milingtary, I
expect.

_Her Trooper._ No, it ain't that. It's the reckerlections it 'ud
call up. I 'ad a 'ole uncle a pork-butcher, d'ye see, and (_with
sentiment_) many and many a 'appy hour I've spent as a boy----

    [_He indulges in tender reminiscences._

_A Young Clerk_ (_who belongs to a Literary Society, to his_ Fiancee).
It has a wonderfully rural look--quite like a scene in 'Ardy, isn't
it?

_His Fiancee_ (_who has "no time for reading rubbish"_). I daresay;
though I've never been there myself.

_The Clerk._ Never been? Oh, I see. You thought I said _Arden_--the
Forest of Arden, in SHAKSPEARE, didn't you?

_His Fiancee._ Isn't that where Mr. GLADSTONE lives, and goes cutting
down the trees in?

_The Clerk._ No; at least it's spelt different. But it was 'ARDY _I_
meant. _Far from the Madding Crowd_, you know.

_His Fiancee_ (_with a vague view to the next Bank Holiday_). What do
you _call_ "far"--farther than _Margate_?

    [_Her companion has a sense of discouragement._

_An Artisan_ (_to a neighbour in broadcloth and a whitechoker_). It's
wonderful 'ow they can go so close without 'urtin' of 'em, ain't it?

_His Neighbour_ (_with unction_). Ah, my friend, it on'y shows 'ow
true it is that 'eving tempers the shears for the shorn lambs!

_A Governess_ (_instinctively, to her charge_). Don't you think you
ought to be very grateful to that poor sheep, ETHEL, for giving up her
nice warm fleece on purpose to make a frock for _you?_

_Ethel_ (_doubtfully_). Y--yes, Miss MAVOR. But (_with a fear that
some reciprocity may be expected of her_) she's too big for any of my
_best_ frocks, _isn't_ she?

_First Urchin_ (_perched on the railings_). Ain't that 'un a-kickin'?
'E don't like 'aving '_is_ 'air cut, 'e don't, no more shouldn't I if
it was me.... 'E's bin an' upset 'is bloke on the grorss, now! Look at
the bloke layin' there larfin'.... 'E's ketched 'im agin now. See 'im
landin' 'im a smack on the 'ed; that'll learn 'im to stay quiet, eh?
'E's strong, ain't 'e?

_Second Urchin._ Rams is the wust, though, 'cause they got 'orns, rams
'ave.

_First Urch._ What, same as goats?

_Second Urch._ (_emphatically_). Yuss! Big crooked 'uns. And runs at
yer, they do.

_First Urch._ I wish they was rams in 'ere. See all them sheep waitin'
to be done. I wonder what they're finkin' of.

_Second Urch._ Ga-arn! They _don't_ fink, sheep don't.

_First Urch._ Not o' anyfink?

_Second Urch._ Na-ow! They aint got nuffink to fink _about_, sheep
ain't.

_First Urch._ I lay they _do_ fink, orf an' on.

_Second Urch._ Well, I lay _you_ never see 'em doin' of it!

    [_And so on. The first Shepherd disrobes his sheep, and
    dismisses it with a disrespectful spank. After which he
    proceeds to refresh himself from a brown jar, and hands it to
    his comrades. The spectators look on with deeper interest, and
    discuss the chances of the liquid being beer, cider, or cold
    tea, as the scene closes._

       *       *       *       *       *

OPERATIC NOTES.

[Illustration: Patti commence la Patti-serie.]

_Tuesday._--Grand night. Memorable for _rentree_ of ADELINA PATTI. She
has been absent from C. G. Opera many years. Welcome little stranger!
Absence makes hearts fonder, and so Big Heart of Big House, crowded
right up to tipmost topmost, goes out to ADELINA PATTI reappearing
as radiant _Violetta_, the Consumptive Cocotte and heroine of _La
Traviata_. Quite in best Tra-la-la-viata form is our PATTI to-night.
The knowing ones observe high keys politely transposed to suit
ADELINA. But what manager could refuse to _put down the notes_ when
ADELINA agrees to sing? All come in early. Upper parts of House at
Lowest prices either breakfasted or lunched on doorstep, waiting for
Warbler to commence. Warbler begins 8.30 sharp. "8.30 sharp" maybe,
but Warbler neither sharp nor flat; in perfect tune. DE LUCIA first
rate as poor, spoony little _Alfredo_; and ANCONA admirable as Old
Original G. G., _i.e._, _Georgy Germont_. "_Pura siccome_," and
"_Parigi o cara_," old friends all, come out as fresh as ever, or
fresher. Get story rather mixed up with that of _Manon_, which in some
respects it resembles: _Violetta_ evidently _Manon's_ niece, or first
cousin. Touchingly sympathetic acting on part of Mlle. BAUERMEISTER as
the nurse (draught, &c., every hour, prescriptions carefully made up)
attending on the suffering soprano. _Annina_ deeply touched by
sad meeting between _Alfred_, "such a Daisy,"--or, such a
"Lack-a-Daisy,"--and his sweet _Violet_.

       *       *       *       *       *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

"Who won the battle of Tel-el-Kebir?" "I, said Cock HAMLEY, I won
Tel-el-Kebir with my Highland Brigade." Mr. INNES SHAND'S life of
General Sir E. B. HAMLEY (BLACKWOOD) is obviously published with chief
intent of placing in permanent form HAMLEY'S claim in respect of this
engagement. It is not a new story. It was published to the world soon
after the event in the pages of a monthly magazine. The article, a
model of terse, lucid, yet picturesque writing, is reproduced in these
volumes. Whether accurate in detailed assertion and induction, or
 by strong feeling, it is a melancholy story. Either HAMLEY
was deliberately ignored in the Commander-in-Chief's despatches after
Tel-el-Kebir, or he was under a remarkable hallucination. The affair
is all the more curious since Sir GARNET WOLSELEY, as soon as he was
appointed to the Egyptian command, sought out HAMLEY and offered him
the command of one of the divisions of the expeditionary force.
The secret of the estrangement which soon developed between the two
soldiers is, my Baronite suspects, to be found in the characteristic
fact that the very day the ship conveying Sir GARNET WOLSELEY arrived
at Alexandria, HAMLEY went on board and proposed to show his chief how
the enemy should be attacked. "He did not seem to wish to pursue the
subject," HAMLEY writes in his diary, "and I soon after took leave."
Other incidents, which HAMLEY hotly resented, culminated in the
despatch to the War Office reporting the fight at Tel-el-Kebir, and
ignoring the Highland Brigade, which, in the view of its commander,
had borne the brunt of the battle. Some day Lord WOLSELEY may give
his version of the affair. Meantime it gloomily stands forth in this
record of a strenuous but, on the whole, a disappointed life. It is
pleasant to learn that HAMLEY gratefully recognised in one of _Mr.
Punch's_ Cartoons a powerful incentive to the course of public feeling
which postponed his being shelved under the operation of the scheme of
compulsory retirement by reason of age. The most charming passages
in the book are the correspondence with the late Mr. BLACKWOOD, who
opened to General HAMLEY the avenue to literary fame.

One of my Baronites of Irish extraction writes thusly:--"_A Tale of
the Thames_ is the title of the Summer Number of _The Graphic_. It is
written by J. ASHBY-STERRY, and illustrated by WILLIAM HATHERELL. The
course of the story--or, rather, the watercourse of the story--covers
a good deal of ground, embracing as it does, on both sides,
most places of interest between the Source in Trewsbury Mead,
Gloucestershire, and Hampton Court." Quoth the Baron, "I am all
anxiety to see this tale of the Thames uncoil itself."

The Baron welcomes a comparatively "handy" volume ("handy" relative
term, depending on size of hand) of reference, entitled, _Men and
Women of the Time_, new edition, brought out by Messrs. GEORGE
ROUTLEDGE, edited by Mr. PLARR of Oxford; and the _plat_ that is set
before the public and the Baron appears to be a thoroughly satisfying
one. "The first name for which I naturally looked," quoth the Baron,
"was that of ROUTLEDGE himself, but searching from ROSSI, through
Roumania, to ROWBOTHAM, nowhere did I light upon the name of
ROUTLEDGE. Master MILLAIS is here, also MILLER, likewise MILLS; but I
do not see the name of the author of the _'Arry Papers_, the inventor
of 'ARRY in these columns, of immortal fame. "Name him!" In every
other respect the compilers and publishers are to be congratulated,
and do hereby stand congratulated, on their work by the
ever-appreciative

  BARON DE B.-W.

       *       *       *       *       *

THE TWO GRACES.

    ["There was something pathetic in seeing old W. G. and young
    W. G. at the wicket together. It is not often we see father
    and son together at the wicket in first-class cricket."--The
    _Star_ on the M. C. C. _v._ Kent match at Lords.]

[Illustration: Tom Bowling.]

AIR--"_The Two Obadiahs._"

  Says the old W. G. to the young W. G.,
    "Pat your wicket, dear son WILLIAM, pat your wicket!
  In the pitch there are bad patches, that may lead to bowls or catches;
    And you're now in first-class cricket, first-class cricket.
  I've already topped my fame; _you_ have got to make your name.
    I should like to see us both make a 'century' this time!"
  Says the young W. G. to the old W. G.,
    "'Twould be prime, Father WILLIAM, _'twould_ be prime!"

  Says the young W. G. to the old W. G.,
    "How I wish that I could time and place like you!
  I should like to hear them clap me, but my gig-lamps handicap me;
    Still I'll do my little best to pile a few."
  Says the old W. G., "Run for all you're worth, like me!
    You must always 'play the game.' You must ever 'look alive.'"
  Groans the young W. G. to the old W. G.,
    "Caught--for Five! Father WILLIAM, only Five!"

  Says the old W. G. to the young W. G.,
    "Bother HEARNE, dear son WILLIAM, JONES and HEARNE!
  But don't _you_ get in a pucker! Caught and bowled for Fives's a mucker,
    But be patient, and you're sure to get your turn.
  _I_ am going to have a shy for another Cen-tu-ry.
    You must help me by-and-by to keep up the family name!"
  Says the young W. G. to the old W. G.,
    "Right you are, dad! Wish you luck, and a good game!"

       *       *       *       *       *

"THREE WHICH'S?"--Will SARA B., ELEANORA DUSE, and Miss ADA REHAN be
playing individually and separately at different theatres all at the
same time? Were this concatenation to occur, the playgoer, at the
height of the season, would be as puzzled as was the "anxious cit,"
who "each invitation views, And ponders which to take and which
refuse." The "stayer" will win. Fly away, SARA, fly away, NORA--and so
from three take two, and only ADA REHAN remains, which is a simple
sum in subtraction, though Miss REHAN herself is always a most
welcome Ada-ition to the English-as-she-is-spoken Drama in London. The
Augustinians of Trafalgar Square return to their Daly avocations on
the 25th.

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: UNDESIGNED COINCIDENCE.

_Curate_ (_to Parish Choir, practising the Anthem_). "NOW WE'LL BEGIN
AGAIN AT THE 'HALLELUJAH,' AND PLEASE LINGER LONGER ON THE '_LU_'!"]

       *       *       *       *       *

THE GRACEFUL TRIBUTE.

SIR,--Being "stumped," alas I can only send Dr. GRACE my best wishes,
and a round 0, which is good for naught.

  Yours,
    RUN OUT.

SIR,--To encourage "Our Boys" in the National Game, I am heartily glad
to see the daily (_Telegraph_) increasing list of subscribers to _the_
testimonial. Had poor H. J. BYRON been alive--the mention of "Our
Boys" of course recalls him to our minds--he would no doubt have sent
a coin, and further subscribed himself

  PERKYN MIDDLEWICK-ET.

SIR,--The present enthusiasm for cricket and its distinguished
Professor will spread to France. There _le cricquet_ has already been
introduced, and, when no misadventure occurs, the batsman, returning
triumphant and grateful, records his "_actions de Grace_."

  Yours,
    HOMME D'UNE CHAUVE-SOURIS.

    P.S.--_Je fais le cricquet, autrement je m'enGRAISSE._ (See?)

SIR,--I miss one important name from the _Telegraph_ list of
subscriptions to Grace Testimonial. What is GRACE the Batsman without
T. G. BOWLES?

  Yours,
    BATTER PUDDING, M.P.

SIR,--Here's something original. Lay out some of the coin subscribed
in purchasing for Dr. W. G., the champion "Willow-wielder," a set of
"Willow-pattern plates."

  OLD CHINA.

    P.S.--I happen to have by me a rare, almost invaluable set,
    which I can dispose of at a certain figure.

SIR,--Dr. GRACE is now getting on for fifty. In another four years he
will complete his half century. _Therefore_ he is no chicken. _Ergo_,
he may one day have a duck's egg. I withhold my subscription, to
accumulate with interest, till _that_ occurs.

  AN ARDENT ADMIRER.

[Illustration: A Wicket Girl.]

SIR,--Ah me! and well-a-day! it is the grand sorrow of my life! I
cannot subscribe to this fund for Dr. GRACE. I dare not, except you
allow me to send it confidentially through you, Sir, ever the Ladies'
friend. Ah Sir! long ago my heart "went out"--to whom? no matter.
It was a cricketer. I never told my love! I long-stopped! But never,
never, shall I forget that memorable day when _he_ was there, and when
someone, Dr. G. will remember who it was, _bowled a maiden over!_ I am
not a heroine, but I may sign this (as I address it fervently to)

  "GRACE DARLING!"
    _The Lighthouse, A Little off--the Coast._

SIR,--I belong to an "Impi" tribe--with "cunious" added. Otherwise
would I contribute what I did to the first cricket-match I ever
played, when, as the ball was thrown at me, to save my head _I gave
a bob_. I cannot even do that now. But as a lover of the game I
hope that there are many youthful Britons eager to follow "_Exemplum
Gratiae_."

  Yours,
    STUMP ORATOR.

DEAR SIR,--I think you are quite right to encourage cricket, as it is
a noble game. The Duke of WELLINGTON ones said that Trafalgar was won
on the Eton Playing-fields. I don't think he was quite right there, as
I have always been told that the battle was fought abroad. I am last
in my class, but I'm in the second Eleven. I'm often "not out," and
to-day I've had to "stay in" all the time during the match, because I
had a saying-lesson to write out and translate. The other day I made
27, including three fourers, against the United Thingummies.

  I remain, yours enthusiastically,
    TOMMY.
      _The Only College._

    P.S.--I will send my shilling as soon as I can get it from
    BATLEY _mi._ He owes it me for birds' eggs.

SIR,--I am only too happy to contribute my mite, for though it's
some while--alas! how time flies--since I handled the willow, I well
remember playing in the early forties against ALFRED PITCHER and
JOHN TOSSER. Ah, they were heroes in those days. I myself was no mean
performer. I tell you, Sir, many's the time I have made double figures
against the underhand bowling of JIMMY TRUNDLER, and he _could_ bowl,
too! before the round-arm style came in. I never took kindly to that,
but these fifty years I have been an ardent looker-on, and I must tell
you, &c. &c.[*]

  JNO. WARDLE.
    (_Late Member of All-Muggleton C. C._)

    [Footnote *: "No you mustn't." Caught out by Editor.]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: "A FLYING VISIT."

EMPEROR WILLIAM (_to_ MADAME LA REPUBLIQUE _leaving Kiel after very
Kiel after very brief stay_). "MUST YOU _REALLY_ GO? _SO_ SORRY!"]

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: "_Perfeck Lidy_" (_who has just been ejected_). "WELL,
_NEXT_ TIME I GOES INTO A PUBLICKOUSE, I'LL GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I'LL BE
_RESPECTED!_"]

       *       *       *       *       *

PROVERBS BY AN ILLUSTRIOUS FOREIGNER ON TOUR.

The time of special trains was made for slaves, not Asiatic Princes.

You may take an Eastern Magnate to a manufactory, but you can only
with difficulty get him to lunch with the local Mayor.

There is many a slip between the Prince and the lift.

A view of machinery in motion in hand is worth two invitations to
receptions in prospective.

Cocked-hats of a feather flock together.

You cannot make pleasure out of the address of a corporation.

All roads lead to turtle soup.

It is an ill wind that causes a swell on the Ship Canal.

People who live in mosques ought not to throw sticks at the Derby.

A programme kept to time is not worth nine.

The early mayor has to wait longest.

Give a Highness a wrong title and report him.

Enough at a factory is better than a feast in a Town Hall.

It is a long explanation that has no turning.

A jerk is as good as a nod to a bowing multitude.

When a person of the first importance enters by the door all settled
arrangements disappear through the window.

The Representative of an Illustrious Race laughs at Traffic Managers.

The English Public enjoys a sensation, but the Indian Empire pays for
it.

When the Prince is away, to fill up the time the band will play.

The son proposes but the father disposes.

The autocrat through the telegraph waits for no one.

Welcome the coming quiet and speed the exhausted guest.

       *       *       *       *       *

An Opportunity not to be Missed.

_Tired Reviewer_ (_to Anxious Author_). Ah! old fellow! I'm fagged
out! Come and dine with me to-night? Sorry to give you such short
notice.

_Anxious Author._ "Short notice!" Oh, please, never do _that_.

    [_Exeunt together_.

       *       *       *       *       *

"A SALE! A SALE!"

The Price Sale of pictures on Saturday last at Christie's will be ever
memorable as "The Highest Price Sale." "'What's the demd total?' was
the first question _Mr. Mantilini_ asked." To which the present answer
is L87,144. A nice little sum to go on with, or off with. One of the
incidents was most dramatic. GAINSBOROUGH'S "_Lady Musgrave_" was put
up to be purchased. Then stood forward bold WILLIAM AGNEW with
eight thousand guineas in his best gossamer. "The lady is mine!" he
exclaimed, rapturously, and was advancing with arms outstretched to
seize his prize, when suddenly his path was crossed by one CAMPBELL
"of that ilk," who cried aloud, "Here are ten thousand golden
sovereigns _plus_ ten thousand silver shillings, all glittering on a
tray! Advance no further!" And bold WILLIAM advanced no further.
For once he was taken aback. "I didna ken the CAMPBELL was coming!"
muttered WILLIAM A-bashed. And ere he could recover from his surprise,
and while yet his frame was quivering with excitement, his picture,
the Lady that should have been his, was gone. "They have given her
to another!" he sang sadly, but the next moment he pulled himself
together, and "taking heart of Grace" WILLIAM made such running, off
his own bat, as would have astonished even the eminent cricketer
just mentioned. And the last of the "Reynolds' Miscellany" in this
collection succumbed to WILLIAM the Conqueror for 450 guineas. _Sic
transit gloria Saturday!_

       *       *       *       *       *
NEW NAME.--The Imperial Institute henceforward to be known as "The
Somers Vinery."

       *       *       *       *       *

A FINE SUMMER DAY'S OUTING.

Highly recommended by "The Faculty" (who has tried it more than once).
Given a perfectly calm sea, a delicious light breeze, and anything
else "given" that you can get, including pleasant company, then,
with tears in your patriotic eyes, and a tremolo in your voice, bid
farewell (for a couple of hours or so) to old England, cross the
Channel, invade France _via_ Calais, where, however calm the sea has
been, you must be prepared for a "buffet"; but this "buffet" is not at
all rough, just the contrary, and if by chance you should have at
all suffered from any unevenness in the wave line, you are sure, on
arriving at Calais, of a "restauration" which will send you back in
another hour and a half quite the giant refreshed. That same evening
you can pose as a real traveller just returned from "the Continent,"
which will serve you excellently both as reason and apology for
not having answered any letters, and neglected epistolary business
generally during the last month. "Been away, my boy!" "Ah, that's why
you didn't answer my letter. Where have you been?" "Oh! France, about
Normandy. Delightful. Ta! Ta!" And perhaps the expenditure of the
day's trip will have saved you from all sorts of trouble, pecuniary
and otherwise, that you might have got into had you remained at home,
answering letters. _But_, as to the benefit of the sea air--there
can't be two opinions about _that_.

       *       *       *       *       *

A DISTINGUISHED COMMONER WHO CANNOT VOTE FOR DOING AWAY WITH
"LORD'S."--DR. GRACE. Public school elevens and M. C. C. all against
such a proposition.

       *       *       *       *       *

BOLD J. H. TAYLOR.

    [J. H. TAYLOR, an Englishman born and bred, has for the second
    time won the Open Championship (Golf) at the St. Andrews'
    Links.]

  Oh! young J. H. TAYLOR is a fine young fellow,
    At whom the Scotsmen may hardly scoff;
  For though he's Saxon by birth and breeding,
    He is champion now at the Game of Golf!

  On St. Andrews' Links when the rain was pouring,
    He smote the ball with a manly blow;
  And he distanced St. Andrews' ANDREW--KIRKALDY--
    Though TAYLOR was trained in far Westward Ho!

  And he went the four rounds fair and featly,
    In strokes three hundred, and twenty, and two,
  Which SANDY HERD, and ANDY KIRKALDY,
    And DAVIE ANDERSON, they _could_ not do.

  It may seem sheer cheek for "a gowk of a Saxon"
    To take the cake at the Gaelic Game;
  But as imitation's the sincerest flattery,
    Let 'em take a licking in the light o' the same.

  So here's a health to bold J. H. TAYLOR,
    Lord of the Links, at the tee a toff;
  Who takes first place for the slighted Southron
    At the Ancient and Royal Game of Golf!

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: ANOTHER MISUNDERSTANDING.

_'Arry_ (_on a Northern Tour, with Cockney pronunciation_). "THEN I'LL
'AVE A BOTTLE OF AILE."

_Hostess of the Village Inn._ "_ILE_, SIR? WE'VE NANE IN THE HOOSE,
BUT CASTOR ILE OR PARAFFINE. WAD ONY O' THEM DAE, SIR?"]

       *       *       *       *       *

"HOUSE OF REST FOR ACTORS."

  Beneath the spreading BEERBOHM TREE
    The Resting Actor stands,
  And grateful takes the _L s. d._
    From Active Actors' hands.
  No more he'll strut upon the stage
    Where he has done his best,
  Nothing he'll need, while active men
    Are doing _all the rest_.

       *       *       *       *       *

Classical and Cockney.

_Hal._ It was a Greek play at Bradford College.

_'Arry_ (_to Tom_). I told you it was a Greek fake.

_Tom_ (_to 'Arry_). How do _you_ know?

_'Arry_ (_giving Hal as his authority_). 'Cos it's' _Al-sez-'tis_.

       *       *       *       *       *

The New Women.

  They dress.... like men.
  They talk..... like men.
  They live..... like men.
  They don't.... like men.

       *       *       *       *       *

INTELLIGENCE FROM (AND AT) HAMBURG.--"Mr. G." was unable to go to the
Zoo at feeding-time. He was conspicuous by his absence, as all the
other lions were there.

       *       *       *       *       *

NEW AND APPROPRIATE NAME FOR THE AFTER-DINNER CRUMB-AND-FRAGMENT
BASKET.--"The Morsel-eum."

       *       *       *       *       *

'ARRY ON THE SEASON.

  Dear CHARLIE,--The pypers all tell us the Season is now at its
          'ight;
  Don't mean one o' THOMSON'S, my pippin. _That_ josser is now out
          of dyte.
  When I was a bit of a kiddie, dad 'ad a old brown-covered book
  Into wich now and then, on a Sunday, 'e thought it the right thing
          to look.

  _Such_ sloppy saloop, my dear CHARLIE, "embellished" with rummy
          old cuts,
  Drawn stiff and old-fashioned, by STOTHARD. On one on 'em though,
          I was nuts,
  Musi---- somethink or other I fancy. But as to the cackle, Great
          Scott!--
  "The sun rolling bounteous from Aries," and reams o' such molly
          slop rot.

  Now if JEMMY 'ad sung of _our_ Season, not Nature's old
          merry-go-round,
  But London's pertikler, for swells, it 'ud suit me right down to
          the ground.
  But as JEMMY has shirked it for tosh on "ethereal mildness," and
          such,
  Wy 'ARRY must 'ave a cut in, and all London is fly to _his_ touch.

  Wot a Summer we're 'aving this Season! All Nature seems trim and
          in tune;
  Ripe strorberries picked out o' doors, though we've 'ardly yet
          dropped into June;
  The parks jest like bloomin' peraries, the water supply going queer,
  And a general 'urrying up for stror 'ats, lemon squoshes, and beer.

  It seems only yesterday, CHARLIE, the standpipes wos up in our
          street,
  And "Are _you_ froze off?" wos _the_ question of every poor pal
          you might meet.
  And now there's a new "water famine" along o' the 'eat, not the
          cold,
  And ginger-pop's sellin' as fast as it can be unbottled and sold.

  Queen's droring-rooms, troopin' the colours, and trotting young
          NASRULLA round,
  Is sights your true patriot's nuts on, and I've done _my_ bit, you
          be bound.
  I chi-iked to young Ingy-rubber, and give him the haffable nod;
  And if H. R. H. didn't twig me, and drop me a smile, well, it's odd.

  Hart's 'aving its innings, as usual, and so is old W. G.,
  Only more so. My eye and a band-box, a rare bit o' stuff _he_ must
          be!
  As nigh forty-seven as don't matter, as big as a barrel, and yet
  A-piling 'is centries like pea-shellin'! Sound Double Gloster, you
          bet!

  I sor him at Lord's, mate, last Thursday, five 'ours and a arf in
          the sun,
  A smiting and running as if, at 'is age, with 'is weight, it was
          fun!
  _'Ot_, CHARLIE? My collar flopped limp, and I lapped
          lemon-squoshes--a number;
  And there wos 'e tottling 'is Thousand, as cool as a bloomin'
          cowcumber.

  I wouldn't ha' done it for tuppence; no, not with the cheerings
          chucked in,
  Although the Pervilion fair rose at 'im. 'Ow gents of clarss, and
          with tin,
  And no _need_ to it, CHARLIE, choose Cricket, at ninety degrees in
          the shyde,
  When they could lay hidle, fair licks me. But, there, hevery one
          to 'is tryde!

  A dust-coat, a white 'at, a field-glass, a landau and lashings o'
          fizz,
  At Hascot would suit _me_ fur better. The old sport o' kings _is_
          good biz,
  With shekels, and luck, like Lord ROSEBERY! Scissors! I _do_ 'ate
          a Rad.
  But a sportsman, as pulls off two Derbies, wy 'ang it, 'e _carn't_
          be no Cad.

  If Primrose would only turn Primroser, wot a fair topper he'd be!
  Wot _can_ be 'is little gyme, CHARLIE, to foller old W. G.?
  (I don't mean the cricketer this time.) That Liberal lot ain't no
          clarss,
  With a lot o' tag-rag they carn't hold, and a lot o' bad Bills
          they carn't parss.

  The blot on this Season is Parlyment. Wy don't they 'urry it up,
  And scoot to country, the <DW36>s? St. Paul's to my tarrier pup,
  They'd git a 'ot 'iding this journey. Let ROSEBERY cut the thing
          short,
  Chuck 'ARCOURT and pal on with Gentleman JOE, _like_ a gent, and a
          Sport!

  Then 'ARRY will talk to 'im, CHARLIE! Ah, well, I ain't got no
          more room,
  Though I ain't done the Season arf justice. The last pale
          laburnum's in bloom,
  But it ain't bin washed brimstone with rain-bursts. Our SARAH is
          hover from Parry,
  Sir ORGUSTUS is fair on the toot, so 'Ooray for the Season!
          Yours,      'ARRY.

       *       *       *       *       *

NEW BOOK AND QUERY.--"_Women's Tragedies._ By H. D. LOWRY." Is the
tragic history of _That Lass of Lowrie's_ included? "But that is
another story."

       *       *       *       *       *

NOW WE'RE FURNISHED!

This is how the Guardians of the Midleton Union (County Cork) transact
business:--

    "_Mr. Morrison_ (_to the Chairman_). You promised to write
    to the Local Government Board, and do it now. (_Noise and
    interruptions._)

    "_Mr. Murphy_ (_warmly_). I say the whole thing is all humbug,
    and based upon humbug.

    "(_At this stage there was great noise and confusion, several
    gentlemen speaking at the same time._)

    "_Chairman_ (_very warmly, and hitting the table_). I say I am
    not a humbug, and I was never a humbug, and I hope I'll never
    have to be displaced from any public position because I was a
    humbug or a proved humbug."

Why did not the table turn upon the chair, and hit it back? This
would have been a real case of table-turning. To parody EDWARD LEAR'S
delightful _Nonsense Songs_,

  Said the Table to the Chair,
  "You can hardly be aware
  How it feels when you come down
  With your fist upon my crown."

       *       *       *       *       *

"MENUS PLAISIRS."--One of the best _menus_ of the season provided by
the Lyceum House of Entertainment included, or rather did include,
during last week past, such choice dishes, so much to the taste of
everyone, as _The Ris d'Ellen Terry a la Nance Oldfield_ and _Tete
de Mathias a la Henri premier_. Appropriately, of course, did the
orchestra, which plays before each performance, give the old familiar
airs of "_I would I were with Nancy!_" and "_The Bells are ringing
for_"--_Mathias_--not for "_Sara_."

       *       *       *       *       *

[Illustration: A STRAIGHT REPLY.

_Daughter of a Hundred Earls_ (_who is about to marry for love_). "NOW
I AM GOING TO HAVE A HOUSE OF MY OWN, MRS. RUSTLE, I SHALL GET YOU TO
GIVE ME A HINT OR TWO."

_The Maternal Housekeeper._ "WELL, LADY CLARA, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T HELP
YOU MUCH. I KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT THE CONTRIVANCES OF PEOPLE WITH
SMALL MEANS."]

       *       *       *       *       *

A MISSED CHANCE.

    [Mr. ANTHONY HOPE'S "reply on behalf of the ladies was witty
    and felicitous, and only disappointed" those who had hoped
    that at least one "new woman" would have justified the claim
    of her sex to equality with the male by replying. "The only
    sign of novelty we detected about the ladies present was that
    a few condescended to puff cigarettes, to the evident scandal
    of some less advanced ladies."--_The "Literary World" upon the
    late meeting of the "New Vagabond Club._"]

  Of novelties--and novel ties--in chase,
    Advances the New Woman, destined winner
  Of true first-fiddledom and pride of place!
    Already she's "advanced" to a club dinner
  At the New Vagabonds! How Eleusinian
    It sounds, how almost desperately daring!
  Clubdom was once Man's absolute dominion,
    Which now New Womanhood with him seems sharing.
  "_She made no speeches_," though;--though FRANKFORT MOORE
    Cracked jokes, and HOPE told tales! With mild regret
  One hears that, 'midst the after-dinner "roar"
    Her share was--proxies and a cigarette!
  _Can_ it be her revolt against Man's yoke
  Shall end, as here, in silence and in smoke!

       *       *       *       *       *

DAMP ITALIAN DRAMA.--The Evening _Dews, eh?_

       *       *       *       *       *

NAVAL ARCHITECTURE.

    [A paper on "The Amplitude of Rolling on a Non-synchronous
    Wave" was read before the Congress of Naval Architects in
    Paris.]

  Last week, the papers tell us, the talented and zealous
    Designers who construct our ships their best attention gave
  To M. BERTIN'S writing on what sounds to us exciting--
    The amplitude of rolling when non-synchronous the wave.

  How often, crossing over those distressing Straits of Dover,
    Where flighty folks grow flabby and where giddy ones grow grave,
  We have meditated sadly that we don't encounter gladly
    The amplitude of rolling when non-synchronous the wave.

  The amplitude--we'd bear it, and would probably not care, it
    Seems but to be an adjunct which perhaps we might not crave.
  For that execrable rolling we require much more consoling,
    That amplitude of rolling when non-synchronous the wave.

  Yet the rolling might be ended if the waves could be amended
    To synchronously swell, all want of symmetry to save,
  But we can't be CANUTES, can we? He could no more stop it than we--
    That amplitude of rolling when non-synchronous the wave.

  So Lord DUFFERIN entreated all the experts, round him seated,
    To build a ship where passengers could comfortably shave,
  Even where a billiard-table would be absolutely stable,
    No amplitude of rolling, though non-synchronous the wave.

  Naval Architects, then, hasten to diminish woes which chasten
    The happiness of hundreds, be they timorous or brave;
  Make a ship, like dry land seeming, where we should not think of dreaming
    Of amplitude of rolling, though non-synchronous the wave.

       *       *       *       *       *

WHITEWASHING THE STATUE OF CROMWELL.

"CROMWELL," wrote the _Daily News_ on ARTHUR BALFOUR'S speech, "was
the only man of his time who understood the principles of religious
freedom." Ahem!

"Papa," said _Polly Eccles_, referring to certain charges brought
against her revered father, "Papa may have his faults, but he's a
_very_ clever man." So the _D. N._ as to the Protector CROMWELL.
"OLIVER," says the _D. N._ in effect, "being human, may have had his
faults, as had other men of his time, but he thoroughly understood
religious freedom." Did he? In Ireland for example? With him
"religious freedom" was like the verb in grammar, either "expressed"
or "understood." It might have been "understood," but it certainly was
not "expressed" in action. If CROMWELL was such a model of "religious
freedom," then it will be as well to reconsider history under NERO,
DIOCLETIAN, & CO., not to mention the amiable Ninth CHARLES of France,
the genial HARRY THE EIGHTH of England, the gentle PETER, Czar of
all the Russia, and a few other kindly-disposed rulers, who were,
probably, the only men of their time thoroughly understanding the
principles of religious freedom. As the song says, "They wouldn't
ha' 'urt a biby, They were men as you could trust!" And for OLIVER
himself, "He was all right when you knew him, _But_--you had to know
him fust!" Rather; and then you had to accommodate yourself to his
little ways, or else so much the worse for one of the two, and that
one wouldn't have been OLIVER CROMWELL. But, of course, between
principles and practise there is a "Great Divide."

       *       *       *       *       *

THE SHAHZADA, weary of London life and English enjoyment, will at
last exclaim with the canny Scot, "For pleasure gie me Peebles!" (The
original remark was made by the author of _Peebles whom I have met_.)

       *       *       *       *       *

NOTE, SATURDAY, JUNE 15.--Piece running last the week in Theatre Royal
Law Courts--"_Bebe_." For Monday's lunch Sir HENRY HAWKINS ordered a
Capon.

       *       *       *       *       *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, June 10._--School reopened after Whitsun
Holidays. Occasion marked by lamentable episode. Attendance, as usual
on Black Monday, very small. SPEAKER took Chair at three o'clock. No
private business on hand; nothing to be done till half-past three.
Meanwhile, SPEAKER and Members sit with hands folded.

Everyone knows the temptation of such opportunity for a nameless
Personage. TOMMY'S idle hands instinctively clutched after mischief.
Suppose he were to move to have House counted? Evidently not forty
present; nothing very serious would follow. SPEAKER would count. If
not forty on hand, would leave Chair, sit at table, and wait till they
came. Or he would go off, come back any time before four when message
brought in that a quorum was in sight. Still, it would be a lark;
would startle the House, frighten Ministers, possibly postpone
commencement of business by half an hour.

Cap'en just rising with intent to observe that there are not forty
Members present, when happier thought struck him. Why not get some
landsman to do the trick? The more venerable and venerated the agent
the better. TOMMY knows himself to be a wicked old salt. House not
shocked now at anything he does. Half the fun gone if he played this
prank himself. Shifting his quid and scanning horizon, noted in his
place Sir RICHARD TEMPLE, Bart., G.C.S.I., late Lieutenant-Governor
of Bengal, once Governor of Bombay, sometime Chief Commissioner of
Central Provinces of India.

The very man for the job. Buttonholing him with his hook, Cap'en TOMMY
opened his little plot. TEMPLE aghast at first. Never known such a
thing done, and the like. TOMMY jawed away, twisting TEMPLE round the
tip of his hook like a marlingspike on a flying jibboom. Convinced him
that public duty called for sacrifice of private prejudices. Having
squared TEMPLE, TOMMY got men near him to walk out before House was
counted, so as to reduce chances of quorum.

Bell rang; Members rushed in; Ministers huddled on Treasury Bench
like flock of frightened sheep. TOMMY, looking down from shrouds in
Strangers' Gallery, carefully counted.

"Only thirty two," he said. "Done it!"

But SPEAKER can count as well.
"One-two--four--fourteen--twenty-seven--thirty-nine, forty," said he,
with tone of conviction that precluded contradiction.

"Blow me tight!" said TOMMY, coming out of the shrouds, a deathly
pallor shining through his tan. That was not his exact expression; but
it was equivalent to his remark.

_Business done._--Quite a lot.

[Illustration: Vantage in (Sir E. Gr-y and Sir E. Ashm-d-B-rtl-tt.)]

_Tuesday._--EDWARD GREY is a hard nut for Irresponsible Verbosity
to crack. SILOMIO, his jaws aching with attempts at crunching SYDNEY
BUXTON, sometimes turns to him, and goes away sorrowing. TOMMY has a
tuck in at him occasionally, but makes nothing of the job. To night
AMBROSE, Q.C., took him in hand. Drew up stupendous question on
subject of Great Britain's relations with the Porte in respect of
Armenia.

"That'll fetch him," he said, as he ogled the paper on which the
question was set forth in bold type. Is there a treaty obligation,
he wanted to know, as distinguished from mere discretionary right,
authorising Great Britain to interfere in the affairs of Armenia, or
make war upon the Porte? If so, specify the treaty and the particular
article or articles creating such obligation.

This a bare summary of question, the drafting of which had cost
AMBROSE, Q.C., some sleepless nights. SILOMIO had looked over it;
TOMMY had touched it up; BARTLEY had beamed over it; HANBURY had
hugged it. GREY'S last hour (of course in Parliamentary sense) had
evidently come. He had wriggled out of some earlier man traps set for
him. This would settle him.

And this is what GREY said in reply:--"The article of the Treaty
of Berlin relative to the point raised by the hon. member is the
sixty-first."

Only that, and nothing more. The raven on the pallid bust of PALLAS
was scarcely more disappointingly laconic. There was a shocked pause;
then allied forces swooped down on UNDER SECRETARY, crying, in chorus.
Did the clause mean this? Did it mean that?

"The hon. member," said GREY, not even smiling, "must place his own
interpretation on the clause."

Evidently nothing to be done with a person of this temperament.
SILOMIO, with a wild shriek, learned in Swaziland, dashed in with
fresh questions; was neatly tripped up by SPEAKER; lay sprawling on
ground with dishevelled hair. Before he could get up, SNAPE was
asking HOME SECRETARY if the police might not be supplied with lighter
clothing in summer months.

_Business done._--Crofters Bill read second time.

[Illustration: Don Currie, Lord High Admiral.]

_Wednesday. Off Tilbury._--Yes, I'm off Tilbury, and shall be off
to the Baltic at four bells, whatever time that may be. Mr. G. is
responsible for it. Tired of doing nothing; pondering perilously over
growing temptation to run up to town, plunge into Parliamentary work;
address meeting at Blackheath on Armenian question. In nick of time
comes letter from DON CURRIE, proposing a trip to Kiel for opening of
Baltic Canal.

"The very thing!" said Mr. G., vaulting over the library table at
Hawarden, where he was sitting when letter arrived. "But TOBY, M.P.,
must come with us."

Objections urged in vain. What would Constituents in Berks say,
me running away from work? Who was to write the only authentic
matter-of-fact record of Parliamentary doings for future historians?
Mr. G., with all the impetuosity of youth, would listen to nothing. So
here I am, onboard the R.M.S. _Tantallon Castle_. Here, also, is quite
a quorum of members. Curious to see how they all trooped in just now
when luncheon-bell rang. Said they thought it was a division; being in
saloon, might as well stay.

That's all very well. By-and-by we'll be on the North Sea, where the
stormy winds do blow, do blow. Shall see _then_ whether we can keep a
House through the dinner hour.

_Business done._--Anchor weighed. Mr. G. taking the helm till we're
out in the open, when anyone can steer. Looks more than usually
knowing in a sou'wester. Wind N.S.E. Barometer falling.

       *       *       *       *       *

STARTLING NEWS! ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL.--GRACE caught!! WRIGHT at
last.

       *       *       *       *       *

End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol.
108, June 22nd, 1895, by Various

***

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaBook


text:
Sortbæger (Pseudoplectania nigrella) er en svamp der blandt andet kan findes i Danmark.

En dansk forskergruppe hovedsageligt fra Novozymes rapporterede i 2005 at sortbæger indeholdt peptidet plectasin, – et såkalt defensin.

Eksterne link
 Sortbæger fra galleriet på Fuglognatur.dk.
 Per H. Mygind og andre, Plectasin is a peptide antibiotic with therapeutic potential from a saprophytic fungus, Nature, bind 437, siderne 975-980, 2005

Sæksvampe
Svampe i Danmark

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


Is it accurate to say that you are searching for a career in Project Management?
For what reason would you like to make a career in Project Management?
Openings are more, that is the thing that I see myself in following couple of years and so forth.
Try not to endeavor to make yourself glad by persuading coercively with such wrong answers.
I am certain about having a huge effect on Project Management field in light of my self-assessment regarding my abilities, interests as well as inspiration.
That will keep you conferred and persuaded to perform far and away superior. On the off chance that you are simply one more benefactor in the group, you will undoubtedly get crippled sooner or later and again you will begin searching for a change.
A compelling Project Manager should be a powerful Communicator, Negotiator, Listener, and Leader. You ought to have what it takes to complete the work, keep the group unblemished/inspired and relational abilities.
You can likewise go to our online class in view of "Task Management as a Career" for better understanding and illuminate your inquiries with respect to the same.


When people think of the word "work," a creative space perfect for cultivating ideas isn't exactly what comes to mind. But really great startups tend to do one thing well, and that's innovate.
Where do your best ideas come from? And how do you cultivate a culture where inventing new things is part of "work"?
Below are their favorite tips and tricks for inspiring their team to constantly generate ideas.
For us, the best ideas come from examining how to maximize each facet of our business. In salons, only 7 percent of people purchase hair products. That is an average that doesn't change and is generally accepted. Why? What about the other potential 93 percent of customers? They're buying the products somewhere else. How do we get them to buy them in a salon where the recommendations are personalized?
It was this kind of early questioning in our own salon business, Birds Barbershop, that led to the creation of our hair product brand, Verb Products.
Everything I have ever worked on has stemmed from a problem I've had. I think that if you try and find ways to make your own life better, then chances are you will come up with something that could make other people's lives better, too.
If you look at most of the successful companies today, they all fix or make a particular problem better.
The best problems are discovered in a company's forums where customers complain and provide feedback about products and services.
As an entrepreneur, you can browse through those forums and generate entire product ideas for solving the problems of those very customers.
Our best ideas come from our employees. We have a monthly pitch competition to elicit the best ideas. Everyone in the company pitches ideas, and the winner gets an award, such as a gift card (plus the inherent bragging rights).
The competition makes everyone more conscious of what systems and processes work. Some of our best ideas have come from encouraging everyone in our company to identify opportunities to build technology that could make us more efficient and more effective.
We have weekly high-level strategy meetings where we can talk about our big picture. We have wall-to-wall IdeaPaint throughout our entire office to encourage creativity.
We also have a dedicated portal in Asana where anyone in the company can leave a new idea for the product team to review.
Our best ideas come from our customers. We constantly review client feedback in order to build the products they need to be successful.
Technology is constantly changing, and therefore our product is always changing. Creating new solutions to new problems is what we do.
As a God-fearing person, my best ideas come to me when I am most humble and thankful for my success. Cultivating a culture that breeds successful ideas is much easier to do than most people think. Three ingredients are needed to do so: healthy snacks, a Ping-Pong table and the ability to hear everyone's opinion.
If someone feels like he can make a difference and that his voice will be heard, then you have cultivated a happy, healthy and creative work environment.
I think the best way to cultivate an idea is to look at obsolete businesses or products and think about how simple changes could solve the problems associated with the products.
Some of the best services are not complex, major changes, but rather just simple changes that help streamline something that already exists.


Mars senior digital manager advises students to stay up to date in Mower Advertising Forum.
Sulynn Amrhein, senior digital manager and eContent program leader for Mars, discussed her top tips for success in the marketing industry during a talk for the Eric Mower Advertising Forum at Newhouse March 26.
Marketers must be able to adapt to change or their company will not survive, she said.
"Learn about what change means to you and what change means to your company. Know how change feels when you're driving it. Know what you offer and what you contribute," she said.
When asked how she stays relevant, Amrhein said she talks to her friends and keeps in touch with people. "Meet people who are doing something different than you are," Amrhein said. She walks around her WeWork office, a shared workspace where individuals from different companies work together in one space, and asks people what they're working on.
When a student asked about the toughest trend Amrhein had to deal with during her career, Amrhein was quick with the answer: social media. All brands wanted to be on social media, Amrhein said, but they didn't understand it.
Darlene Kenney is a senior television, radio and film student at the Newhouse School.


Among the world's top ten economies, Brazil has the third largest manufacturing sector in the Americas.
ECU Worldwide operates in Brazil through its own offices located at Brazilian main cities such as Sao Paulo, Santos, Rio de Janeiro, Itajai and Porto Alegre, and covers main cities ports and airports through a wide range of local agents.
We offer services LCL, FCL, LTL, DTA (bond move within Brazilian main bonded CFS), air freight and road transportation to all of Brazil and beyond.
Our wide variety of value-added services and outsourcing solutions make us exceptionally competent in handling and transporting complex cargo from/to Brazil to anywhere in the world seamlessly.


I short cutted the whole thing and emailed that I wanted to vote John Kerry as America's Dumbest Soldier.
Sick, just amazing how hurtful some people can be. BTW, just wanted to say how much I enjoy your blog, keep it up!!!
Some company, somewhere has facilitated this. Surely we can try to get this site removed? I sent an e-mail to the company that (I think) owns the IP address for this site. They are Teneco AB of Sweden. Not sure if they can do anything about it, but if we bother them enough, maybe they'll tell us who can. I sent the e-mail to info@teneco.se.
They also seem to have some relationship with British Telecom, Global Services - Nordics. I don't know what, if anything, they can do, but e-mail them too at support@eu.bt.net.
Okay, before anyone else sends a message to Teneco I want to pass on their response to my e-mail.
This is a website that someone have registred and pointed too 213.15.81.193.
that own the website runned it from our server.
the one responseable for this.
I thought it was very decent of them to respond so promptly. I hope they succeed in closing this site down.
The site is down now. There's no longer a DNS return for the url, and the server doesn't answer pings.


"I am a writer in Syracuse, New York, and I am submitting three poems for your consideration.
I received a bachelor's degree in communications/journalism from St. John Fisher College in Rochester, New York, and a master's degree in film/video from American University in Washington, DC. I have worked in both print and broadcast journalism at various outlets throughout the U.S., and I am currently employed as a video producer at Syracuse University."
not halted by the hands of God.
and outstretched arms set hearts aflame.
in recognition of the inexorable.


Early birds receive $46 discount off the regular series price of $145 (each session ticket price value is less than $20). For yourself or gift a session to a friend.
Regular price series (each session ticket price value is $29). For yourself or gift a session to a friend.
Individual sessions - For yourself or gift a session to a friend.
Sorry you missed the registration for this event. Please visit our website to learn more about what we are offering.
Remember when you were in high school and study hall? You worked on homework or projects and had guidance, if needed. Well, this is the almost same thing!
If you know a little bit about Adobe Lightroom and Photoshop, put the skills you've learned into action. Alongside other members, you'll have up to 3 hours to work individually on whatever project you can dream up — whether you want to learn some new software features in Lightroom and Photoshop, work on family photos, or have client projects. Whenever you have a question, Julie will be available to help you keep things moving forward.
With this program you learn at your own pace, but have live guidance when needed. With this small group environment (limited to 8 participants), we keep the cost down and education up!
BRING: Laptop with Adobe Photoshop and/or Lightroom installed and any digital files you want to work with.
WE PROVIDE: Extension cord, hot tea, water.
NO FOOD: You can bring your own snacks and break outside at the picnic table.
ENVIRONMENT: Informal...because it's early, you can come in your pajamas, but please brush your teeth and comb your hair before arrival.
SESSION TIME: We open the door at 6:00 am. You may come at any time - your seat will be reserved for you for the entire 3-hour period. We start shutting down at 8:45 am and door closes at 9 am.
Please bring your ticket (printed or on the app). You must be 18 to attend.
Parking is in the back of the brick building at the CORNER of Chambers , Franklin and Walnut.
Because the air conditioning cannot be controlled, dress in layers for heat or cold.
Printed or in the app, yes.
Your registration fee, minus $10 processing fee, will be refunded if you cancel before Saturday, January 2, 2016. 50% registration fee refund, minus $10 processing fee, will be refunded if you cancel before 6 am, Friday, January 8, 2016.
No refund after January 8, 2016, but your registration, minus $10 processing fee, can be applied to a future event by JDP Photography.Must be used by March 31, 2016.


text:
Yes, Eagles are that good. The 49ers face one more QB question; And Mike Tomlin loves to play All-Madden
Division Tour is here! This is a busy and busy time in the NFL calendar as the playoffs heat up at the same time as the offseason for teams not in the playoffs. the Philadelphia Eagles About to enter the fray, there are a few rookie players already contributing and one playoff team has a great decision to make at quarterback in this off-season.
Eagles are super duper good
The Eagles get into the ring and unleash their potential power run against New York Giants. The Eagles have the top seed in the NFC with a 14-3 record, and they earned that record by being the best overall team in the NFL. led Jalen Hurts, a great offensive line and a group of talented, skilled players, the Eagles have firmly cemented their claim of being the team to beat in the NFC – and possibly the entire playoffs. If the Eagles are in their "A" game, They must drive the giants off the field.
In almost every center stack, the Eagles have a leg up, especially this week. Offensive line includes Jordan MailataAnd Jason Kelsey And Lynn Johnson It's a better trio than most teams have. Devonta Smith and AJ Brown are able to take over the games. Miles Sanders He is a top notch running back. The entire offense is tied together by Hurts, an MVP candidate who has evolved to the point where the Eagles can attach a legitimate passing game to a varied and punishing rushing game. There weren't many defenses capable of handling this offense and this team should lead to hosting the NFC Championship game against the winning Dallas Cowboys-San Francisco 49ers.
In defence, the only point that could be seen as a weakness is the position of the full-back line, which cost them a game against the leaders earlier this season. The Eagles can run, but they have enough defensive talent to generate explosive, negative plays and keep teams at bay. This is where the Eagles defense can really shine. They have a deep streak, talented and Darius slaughtered And James Bradbury They are closed at cornerback this season. As long as the Eagles can force their opposition to throw, they will be able to unleash the dogs on them. It may be a little difficult to face I will be Barkleybut the Eagles had no problems stomping the Giants when Hurts was healthy in the first game.
Jalen Hurts and Eagles are really good. (AP Photo/Chris Szagola)
The health of vultures is very important, but if he is ready to take this match, then they have a great chance not only to win, but also to turn the table. The 49ers and Cowboys would be worthy opponents in the next round, but the Eagles are on a different plane of existence than the Giants. This is no small feat for New York, the Eagles are just a juggernaut ready to add a second Super Bowl title to their collection.
And if the Eagles lose, just forget any of that column ever existed. Its existence will not be acknowledged.
Rookies still play a huge role in the playoff race
The NFL playoffs are usually decided by the veterans, but there are a few rookies who will be key to their teams' chances. Here are some of the little guns that will be important to their team as they try to advance to the Super Bowl:
Kayvon Thibodeau, Edge, Giants
Thibodeaux instantly became one of the best all-around defensive ends in the NFL. Thibodeaux finished his season with four sacks, but that doesn't reflect his impact on the Giants' defense. He makes every aspect of the New York defense a little better with this ability to disrupt offensive lines and get into the backfield. Thibodeaux expects to be a big player for the long haul, and the Giants will need him to show that talent to get past the Eagles and possibly make it to the Super Bowl.
George Carlaftis, EDGE, Presidents
Karlaftis has been a key part of the Chiefs' defensive lines rotation this season, finishing second on the team with six sacks. Karlaftis has been as influential as any rookie hacker this season, and like Thibodeaux projects to be a long-term starter.
Brooke PurdyQB, 49ers
Purdy did what was asked of him and managed to steer the 49ers offense into some explosive outings, including Dawn 41 points against Seahawks On the wild tour. Playing with head coach Kyle Shanahan and an array of Pro Bowl-caliber offensive weapons certainly made his job easier, however irrelevant mr He has been anything but since taking over the starting quarterback position on this team.
Luke FortnerC, Jaguar
Fortner will be crucial to the Jaguars in the divisional round if they want to move past Kansas City. The 65th pick in the 2022 NFL Draft, Fortner has played every offensive snap this season, the only Jaguars player to do so. Jacksonville will live and die on the arm of Trevor Lawrence, so it's going to need some time to shake off those throws. Fortner has the daunting task of keeping the Chiefs star Chris Jones He's in the Gulf this weekend, and he could do very well in deciding this matchup.
Brock Purdy, 13, has a 49ers squad and is a Super Bowl favorite — however, there are two more QBs on the roster who may choose to start over next season. (AP Photo/Jed Jacobsohn)
What's next for the 49ers at quarterback?
The biggest wild card of the upcoming offseason may be what the 49ers do with their quarterbacks Tri Lance. Suddenly they get into a quarterback argument with three signal callers who seem to be able to run the offense. bayonet, Jimmy Garoppolo and Purdy all have viable arguments for being the starters next season. It really depends on which roster-building path the 49ers take.
Purdy is the cheapest option the 49ers can handle. He signed a four-year, $3.7 million contract extension with the 49ers after being the last pick in the draft. He ran the offense to the point where the 49ers scored over 40 points in the playoffs, but it's fair to wonder what his ceiling is in the NFL and if he can continue to be that guy in the future. Garoppolo is the solid hand and center fielder with whom they have had the most success during Shanahan's career as head coach. Lance has the highest physical height of the three, but he hasn't played significant shots since he was a sophomore at North Dakota State – in 2019. The 49ers traded three first-round draft picks for the right to pick Lance, but he still Completely anonymous.
The 49ers have an interesting problem. they don't need to Most talented player on their list to match. Shanahan has basically made the 49ers offense against a QB and they're loaded with playmakers at every position. If the 49ers wanted to try and redeem some of their draft picks from the Lance trade, he could still get enough intrigue around the league that they could get a first-round pick in exchange for him.
However, if Lance is the guy who allows the 49ers to truly destroy defenses for a decade, perhaps they should give him another chance to see if he can be a quarterback for them franchise. Everyone knows what that offense looks like when Garoppolo and Purdy run it – good enough to be a Super Bowl contender. However, Lance is at his best may be giving the 49ers more margin for error on offense due to his physical capabilities. It's a good problem, because of Shanahan's presence, but it's a problem nonetheless.
At the very least, they have one of the best backup quarterbacks in the league with Purdy. Expectations for the 49ers no matter who they are under the position will always be high, but the prospect of them meeting those expectations might be easier if Lance is the starter.
Lance, Garoppolo, Purdy. That is the question for the 49ers. There doesn't seem to be a completely wrong answer here, it just depends on how much of a risk the 49ers are willing to be in the most important position on the team. They're in the rare position of being able to take a big swing down the middle (Lance), stick with what they know (Garoppolo) or ride hot hand (Purdy). This is a quarterback decision that could change the NFL landscape.
Mike Tomlin loves to play on the All-Madden Channel
Pittsburgh I decided to retain the services of MAT Canadawhich aroused anger Steelers Fans across the country this week. Canada hasn't had much success in the NFL, but Pittsburgh isn't really a team making huge changes, so he'll get another chance to prove his philosophy on the Steelers and Kenny Pickett, a potential quarterback.
Head coach Mike Tomlin seems to be addicted to grinding. You don't have to live like this, Mike! You can find an offensive coordinator who will make your life easier! There's only one way to explain this decision: Mike Tomlin likes to play games with a hard time knowing what he can achieve along the way. Tomlin has yet to endure a losing season in the NFL and now looks like he's seeing if he can keep that streak alive amid impossible odds.
Is it possible? Of course, this is Tomlin's team. The Steelers could finish 10-7 with a 1,000-point lead, but it doesn't have to be that hard. Canada is a serviceable college offensive coordinator, but his success with the Steelers has been lacking. Tomlin just needs to play this game on All-Madden.
Having Pickett with another year in offense might help things, but there really is more to nibble on than what the Steelers get under Canada. Lower the difficulty, Mike. That's it.
Categories NFL
What should I carry in my golf bag?
Dylan Dreyer, NBC meteorologist and mother of three, debuts at the LPGA Tournament of Champions, where Annika Sorenstam leads

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Four Seasons but remember the now!
Saturday saw the start of Linda Ledbetter's Tim Holtz Compendium of Curiosities 3 challenge, based on Tim's latest book and sponsored on alternate weeks by Inspiration Emporium and The Funkie Junkie Boutique, Tim and Mario themselves have added to the prizes too. To find out more, just click on the link!
Now if that's not enough, Linda has put together the most amazing design team, her Curiosity Crew; I was totally delighted to find so many of my blogging buddies among them, and boy, what inspiration they have provided!! The first challenge is all about Paint Marbling. Details of this technique can be found on page 43 of the book.
I love this technique and funnily enough had guessed and hoped this might be the first one, and when I saw it I immediately thought I would do something related to the seasons to have a chance to play with the technique several times in different colour ways. So I started with 4 size 8 tags, moving from cool colours for winter and spring, through to warmer ones for summer and autumn.
Below you can see the 4 tags after marbling, inking, doing some Sprits and Flick and in the case of 1 and 2 I added some stenciling too straight away.
For tag 1 I used: Picket Fence, Antique Linen and Tumbled Glass, and then inked with Frayed Burlap, and Walnut Stain. For tag 2 I used: Antique Linen, Bundled Sage and Peeled Paint and inked with Crushed Olive and Frayed Burlap. Tag 3: paints: Antique Linen, Scattered Straw, Wild Honey and Crushed Olive. Funnily enough the green of the Crushed Olive totally disappeared when I dried it, so I brought some of it back in when inking and also added more Wild Honey. Finally tag 4: Paints: Wild Honey, Ripe Permission, Fired Brick and Festive Berries. I inked with Aged Mahogany, Chipped Sapphire and a tiny bit of Dusty Concord and Walnut Stain.
After the backgrounds were done I added stamps, more stenciling, some embossing with texture fades etc.
This tag sees a mix of stamps from the Tim Holtz Nature Walk set and the Artistic Outpost Birds of a Feather set. The little feathers at the bottom are Spellbinder dies, the greenery is from the TH Spring Greenery strip die and the little flowers I had in my stash. They are rather plasticky , but when I blasted them with my heat tool they curled up which I rather like.
For tag 3 I added some stenciling also, to fit in with the other two tags. I then used my favourite butterflies from the Papillion set, stamped them first straight onto the tag and then again, fussy cut them and coloured them with Distress Markers. I also used a stamp from the Odds and Ends set and some remnant rubs.
Finally for tag 4 the stamping is from the Mercantile set (I am totally in love with that bottle). The feather is from Spellbinders again and the word Autumn was cut out from a piece of Core'dinations card embossed with a texture fade. To echo the first tag I also ran it through a seasonal strip embossing folder.
All 4 tags were then first mounted on to pieces from Tim's latest 8 by 8" paper collection, I added some more stenciling and inking to these pieces first and then I mounted them all onto a piece of dark brown mount board and further embellished with some die cuts and the words Remember the Now made from the little chip board letters. The final touch was an altered Ornate Plate (using more Distress Paints), and then mounted onto a Weathered Clock die which was also painted and rusted up with various Distress Embossing powders and some Antiquities Verdigris etc.
The text in the opening is from the Mercantile set.
Well hope you like my piece and have a fantastic week!
Thank you for visiting and make sure to stay inky!!
Hello everyone, welcome and thank you for dropping by!
To see the full project, please head over to the Artistic Stamper and it will be lovely to see you there!
I then made 2 inserts as you would do with a box card and then had great fun embellishing.
I left the lid open and added a Tim Holtz pedestal die to it. I had cut it from Kraft card, then added some Clear Rockcandy crackle paint and darkened it with Walnut Stain Distress stain. I then decorated with various other bits and pieces, mostly bits that were flying around on my desk anyway, a good way to use up left overs.
A Prima, wooden clock, a butterfly stuck onto a cocktail stick, a rosette made from some more of the same paper collection and a piece of Cored'inations card with a Spellbinders die, plus some flowers etc.
The front and sides and also the back were all covered with more of the same papers and then embellished in a similar way.
The front with some embossing and stamping around the sides.
The right side with half a rosette and some stenciling.
The other side with part of the Trellis Frameworks die, the other half of the rosette and a bumble bee cut from one of the papers.
Well, that's it, an over the top box. No idea what I will do with it, but I had good fun making it lol.
Hope you are having a good week and thank you so much for visiting!
Hello everyone and welcome! Let me start by wishing everyone a very happy Easter!! Here in the Northern Hemisphere Easter is all about new life and today I am sharing a little mini book full of Springtime images.
The cover of this was actually created quite a while ago with the help of a Stampendous stamp. The background was created with the help of Distress paints and inks, the Papillion Text stamp by Tim was stamped in Walnut Stain and then I over stamped the Paris/Eiffeltower in Black Archival. I stamped it again and then fussy cut the flowers and coloured those with Distress Markers in Victorian Velvet and Spun Sugar.
I added a bit of Stickles to their centres. Oh an I had also added some texture through a Crafty Individuals stencil and coloured it with Treasure gold.
The construction of the little book itself is easy, you will need 2 sheets of 12 x 12 " strong card, - score at 6" one way and at 4 and 8 the other way. After that it is constructed in exactly the same way as Tim's W book. If you want more detail, just email me.
Alright, now for the inside pages, after doing loads of DT work, I really just wanted to play with my own stamps and inks, using all my favourite techniques of ink blending, stenciling and stamping.
I used smooth stamping card through out, the vocal stamp is from Inkylicious, coloured with Distress Markers. The stencil in the background I think is from Creative Expressions. I wanted the colours through out to reflect the transition from winter into Spring, and as I want to add this to the current challenge at Frilly and Funkie which is Flights of Fancy I included loads of birds and butterflies throughout.
The stamps here are all from Kaisercraft, the stencils are Tim Holtz and Prima. The butterflies were stamped twice again, first in Plum Archival including the background collage that is part of the stamp, and then just the butterflies in Jet Black archival.
Another Inkylicious stamp, stamped with Faber Castell Big Brush pens and then coloured with them also, scribbling on craftmat and then using a water brush. Stencils are Tim and Prima again.
Here's a close up of the birds. I love how these stamps are so detailed even though they are polymer ones and really quite cheap.
More of the same, the colours slowly turning more Spring like. Stamps from Stampendous, stencils Tim and Prima. Not really sure where this particular butterfly was from, it may have been a Kaisercraft one.
Here is the last page I have done so far, this gorgeous bird is from The Birds of a Feather set from Artistic Outpost, I coloured it with Distress Markers. The swirly one around the outside is a very old Stempel Glede one.
As I used two 12 by 12 sheets for my basic booklet, I have still got about 3 pages left to finish, but I leave those for another time.
Here is the back cover still, using the same background stamp I used on the front to tie it all together.
Hope you like my little playtime booklet, the individual pages of the book are 6 x 4. Thanks so much for visiting and if you celebrate it I wish you the most wonderful Easter and don't eat too much chocolate!!
I am entering this into the Flights of Fancy challenge at Frilly and Funkie and as the challenge this week at FSC is Flying Things I am also adding this there.
Hello everyone, welcome and lovely to have you visiting!
I used part of the background I created for my Tim tag as the background for this paper, not something I have done before. If you want to see the original just click the link.
This time round I am just posting the jpegs here, if by any chance you would like the tags separately, just email and I will be happy to send them to you.
As always, you are welcome to use these in your own creations in whatever way you like. You can sell what you make and don't need to give me credit. All I ask is that you don't distribute them in digital form or claim them as your own.
Thanks for visiting and happy Spring time to everyone in the Northern Hemisphere!
Hello everyone, thanks for dropping in.
Of course I would love it if you went to have a look and tell me what you think. All you need to do is click HERE. You may have to refresh your page to see this project.
Anyway, thanks for visiting and have a wonderful Easter weekend when it comes!!
Hello everyone and lovely to have you drop in.
I am sharing my April Tag for Tim Holtz's challenge.
Well, like with most of us, mine has turned out quite differently, though I used the same sort of techniques, substituting those products I don't have for other ones. But like with my last 3 tags, I am mounting all of my size 8 tags onto a size 10, so I started by creating the background for my big tag.
I created a background with Antique Linen, Salty Ocean and Frayed Burlap Distress Inks, using some spritz and flick and the new lattice stencil. I then overstamped with some stamps from the Mercantile set and stamped in Pottingsoil Archival and a bit of Jet Black. I also used the large number stencil for the number two but in the end that was covered over with the smaller tag.
So for that one I started just like Tim described, I just used slightly different colours.
Here you can see the Frameworks Trellis which in my case I cut from grey board and then painted with various colours of Distress Paint.
As I have neither the mirror stuff nor cork, I cut my inserts from greyboard covered with paper, then hessian and then I painted some of the little grey board panels first with Brushed Pewter DP and when that was dry covered it with Rock Candy Crackle Paint and when the cracks appeared rubbed Walnut Stain Distress Stain over it, I love how it turned out. The hessian was stuck to card before cutting and I look forward to using the actual framework of that in a future project.
Next I covered the tag with some tissue tape and then did the embellishing pretty much like Tim described. I made 4 flowers with the Tattered Pinecone die, but used the leaves from the Spring Greenery.
Here you can see the flowers, cut from the French Industrial paper stash.
I died some matching seam binding but made a separate bow which I glued on the length of ribbon that I had put around the tag. As I don't have a Philiosophy tag, I used one of the little heart charms.
Because my tag is so much larger I had space for an extra flower. I also added the month again at the top.
Here you can see a bit of tissue tape sticking out behind the frameworks, I love how it balances out the little text panel on the other side. You can also see that I shaped and distressed the greenery a bit. I added some shading with a Walnut Stain Distress Marker to make the frameworks stick out a bit more and add some depth.
Well, there you are. I have loved doing my April tag, I so love those Frameworks dies and I still have a ton of the little tiles to use in other projects.
Thanks for visiting, have a great weekend and if you celebrate it HAPPY EASTER!!!
Hello all and welcome to friends, followers and visitors, thanks for dropping by.
Now it has to be said, I am not a card maker, and yet here is a second card less than a week since the last one.... I blame the beautiful Wallflower papers by Tim Holtz.
Making cards with these papers is so easy. I took two of the papers, you will know most likely that the Tim Holtz collections include different sized papers, 12 x 12", 6 x 6", ATC sized and this collection also has 3 x 3" papers. All I did was take two of them, mounted on white card and then of course I added some stamps and a bit of inking and distressing.
Here is the ATC sized one. The background to the lovely birds and eggs, picks up the same subtle motif on the larger piece, making the two a perfect match. The stamp you see here is from the Haberdashery set. I also added some remnant rubs to the bird paper.
A couple of quills/feathers from die cut from the mini inkwell set, attached together with a bit of twine and one of the new little heart charms.
The hand is from the Mercantile set and the saying from the simple sayings set.
Well, there you have it, quick, easy and fun to do.
Thanks for visiting and make sure to stay inky!!


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I'm primarily a Python developer, working with the Django framework.
My background is in Classics, completing an undergraduate M.A. in Greek (2007-2011), and an M.Phil in Classics (2011-2013). My research was on ancient mechanical texts, focusing both on Heron of Alexandria's On Automaton-making and the small group of texts that deal with theoretical mechanics. I'm currently a PhD student in Computing Science at the University of Glasgow.
I'm the developer at Attic Inscriptions Online, which makes available the inscriptions of ancient Athens and Attica in English translation.


text:
It's deeply painful to rehearse again: multiple murders inside a house of worship. The most recent slaughter was at a Jewish synagogue, but only days before there was an unsuccessful attempt on an African American church. These sacred places join an ever-increasing number of Christian, Islamic, Sikh, and Mormon sanctuaries that have been violated by deadly gunfire in the last six years. At one time in America, such holy places were considered off-limits for killing, but not anymore.
This lamentable reality has been known by religious communities in other countries for millennia. One of the reasons so many refugees come to the United States is because it has long had a reputation for being consummately safe for adherents of any faith. That is no longer true. The bright line that once kept even the most wicked people outside the sanctuary doors has been breached too often to think that such a boundary will be respected again anytime soon.
Bloodstained sanctuaries present religious leaders with a seeming dilemma—leave their flocks vulnerable to deadly violence, or, employ lethal force to stave off such attacks. I'm convinced there are better options than these two. One of the elements that sets off holy places from common places is their association with the virtues of peace, reconciliation, forgiveness, redemption, hope, and the human and divine bonds of love. Introducing deadly weapons into these spaces would mean nullifying these qualities and replacing them with the anxiety, intimidation, tension, and suspicion that normally attend the potential use of lethal force.
Religious communities dedicated to the preservation of life have a myriad of creative ways to contain and repel would-be attackers. Comprehensive camera surveillance paired with a non-violent rapid response team controlling one-way entry points, door locks, evacuation orders and management, barriers, reverse sanctuary configurations, patrol cars in the parking lots and uniformed police officers walking building perimeters are just the start. The idea of gunfights over the heads of congregants at prayer just can't be the only creative solution to this problem.
Most religious bodies, by their very nature, point members to the transcendent—a dimension over and above the normal. The unique power of religion is found in its source, beyond the limits of the natural world and human ingenuity. We are a very creative species to begin with, but a connection to the divine makes us limitless. As Christians read it in our sacred book, "Nothing is impossible with God." If we believe that concept as a principle of faith, then we are certainly not limited to a twelfth-century brutal machine that blows holes in human bodies and leaves both the perpetrators of violence and, often, their intended victims dead. Surely, those who believe in the supernatural, can do better—and we must—now.