text:
south Jokes
funny jokes and hilarious south puns
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.
I just thank my lucky stars I live in Canada.
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure...
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
The UN decided to do a worldwide survey...
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge flop. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe, they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe, they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China, they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East, they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America, they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA, they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
Dirty limericks? GO! [NSFW]
There once was a girl named Alice
Who used dynamite as a phallus
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Dallas
You guys know how the toothbrush was invented in the south?
Because if it was invented in the north, it would've been called a teethbrush.
A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.
Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?
One student raises their hand,
The cheetah is faster dandelion.
A Brit, American and South African Joke
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years
They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the Brit's, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York bulletin: American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the British
One week later, the Cape bulletin, in South Africa , reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Thabazimbi , South Africa , Lucky Simelane, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing (azikolo, fokol (f*** all). Lucky has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Africa had already gone wireless.
Why don't they teach Calculus in the Deep South?
Because they don't like integration.
The wine taster
The wine taster at an old vineyard died. A homeless guy, looking ragged and dirty, came to apply. He persuaded the manager to give him a try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. It's a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. "Impressive," said the manager.
The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.
The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. "It's a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get this job, I'll tell who the father is!"
What sex position are you not allowed to use in the south?
Reverse cowgirl, you never turn your back on family.
The country would be a lot better off if the South had won the war.....
...General Lee speaking
North Korea is participating in the olympics this year, but they won't win.
Because all of their athletes that can run jump or swim are in south korea
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.
> 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.
> 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came
> upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
> I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
> So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and
> smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out
> his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now,
> back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!
> St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'
> 'Couple of minutes ago.'
The UN conducted a worldwide survey...
My Southern friends are like "K"s
they're alright when they are by themselves, but get 3 of 'em together and it gets pretty racist
The Frozen Bird
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
I don't get why Japanese people and South Korean people just can't get along.
I mean, they're all Chinese.
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
What do South American governments and internal combustion engines have in common?
Both are measured in revolutions per minute.
There once was a girl named Jill
Who fucked a dynamite stick for a thrill.
And bits of her tits in Brazil.
Why don't they do reverse cowgirl in the South?
Because you never turn your back on family.
I want to visit north Korea one day...
before everything goes south.
I like my coffee how I like my women
Imported from poor South American countries.
How do we know the toothbrush was invented in the south?
If it was invented anywhere else it would've been called the teethbrush.
Southern University Psychology Joke
At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes. Just to establish some parameters, said the professor to the student from Arkansas, what is the opposite of joy? Sadness, said the student. And the opposite of depression? he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. Elation, she said. And you sir, he said to the young man from Texas, what about the opposite of woe? The Texan replied, Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up' .
Obama goes on vacation to South Carolina and goes for an ocean swim...
And begins to drown! A young lifeguard swims out and rescues him, pulling him back to shore.
"Thank you so much for saving me young lady. Please, tell me what I can do to repay you."
"Aw shucks, I don't need nuthin', sir, it's just ma job!" She says.
"Listen, I'm the President of the United States, I can give you anything you want!"
She thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'd mighty like a plot at the Arlington National Cemetery if ya can do that fer me."
"Why does a young woman like you want a burial plot at the cemetery?"
"Because" she said, "When my friends and family find out what I just did they'll kill me!"
A southern girl and a northern girl meet.
A girl from the South and a girl from the North were seated side by side on a plane. The girl from the South, being friendly and all, said, "So, where ya'll from?"
The Northern girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use
a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from the South sat quietly for a few moments and then replied, "So, where ya'll from, bitch?"
How south is South Africa?
South AF
Two girls are moving into their college dorm... Nsfw
and their mothers are helping them. One girl is from a small town in the south, the other is from an uppity suburb just outside Pretentiousville.
Southern mom: Being cordial, "Where y'all from?"
Pretentiousville mom: "We're from a place where people know not to end a sentence with a preposition."
Southern mom: "Oh, my apologies." Correcting herself, "Where y'all from, cunt?"
Why don't southern women have group sex?
Too many thank-you notes.
As migration approached, two elderly vultures
As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.
When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.
"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."
A North-Korean officer pulls out a megaphone at the North and South Korean border and yells "Kim Jong-Un is an idiot!" and gets sent to 31 years in a labor camp.
1 year for insulting the Dear Leader and 30 years for revealing a state secret.
A little blue bird was flying south for the Winter
A little blue bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large hay field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and took a dump on him. As the frozen blue bird lay there in the heap of steaming pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
(3) And when you are in deep shit, it is best to keep your mouth shut!
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him?
Shoots him 8 times in the black.
How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?
They're both flying information.
Morals from a Pile of Shit
Once upon a time, there was a stubborn sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.
In a short time ice began to form on his wings. He tried to fly quicker to warmer air, but his wings kept freezing until he finally fell to the earth in a small barnyard. Almost frozen, unaware of where he was, a cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was surely the end.
But, the manure began to warm him. Soon, his wings were completely defrosted. Warm and happy, able to breathe and able to move again, he started to sing out loud in joy. Just then, a large cat came by to investigate where these familiar sounds were coming from. Soon enough, the cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and ate him.
~The Morals to this story?
*Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
*Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
*And the most important thing? Well, if you're warm and happy in your nice steaming pile of shit, keep your fucking mouth shut!!!
Why is the south bad at calculus?
They don't know how to integrate.
A North Korean man frequently sneaks to the South Korean capital to gamble for bakery goods for his family.
He is the seoul breadwinner
From a Southwest Airlines employee
"Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to Chicago. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more."
Missing South Africa
In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read:
"I miss South Africa."
So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read:
"I hope this helps."
Two men were out camping in the mountains...
They had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south. Then tonight we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.
That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"
The second friend says, "I went south and found a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we made love in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."
"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was much better than mine. Was she pretty?" "I don't know," says the second friend eating his meal, "I couldn't find her head."
Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover?
Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
What's the difference between a South African prison and Leonardo Dicaprio?
A South African prison has an Oscar
Two ants met in this woman's belly button; one decides to go north while the other goes south.
Seven days later, they returned to the belly button. I had a great time, reported the ant who had ventured north. There were these two big hills, and every day I went skiing, and at night I slept in this nice warm valley.
I had a hell of a time, sighed the other ant. First I had to walk through this thick jungle, then I fell down this huge hole, and by the time I climbed out I was so tired that I fell asleep in this smelly cave. But that wasn't the worst of it: every night, this giant worm came in and threw up in my face.
South American Stamps
So a lady goes to see her gyno because she's having a personal health issue. The doctor enters.
"Ma'am, what seems to be the problem?"
"It's been two weeks, doc..I keep finding stamps up my vagina!"
"...stamps?.."
"Yeah! From Costa Rica! Sometimes even Ecuador! I've never even been outside the country!"
"Well, you best get in the stirrups so I can see what the issue is."
Lady puts her feet in the stirrups. The doctor has a look.
"Ah, ma'am, you'll have to remember to WASH the bananas!"
So why don't Southern Belles attend orgies any more?
Too many thank-you notes to write
TIL several states in the South banned calculus from schools in the 1950's.
Apparently they opposed integration.
Why is teaching calculus so difficult in the South?
They hate integration
A group of Hells Angels bikers were riding South on I-85 in North Carolina country when they saw a girl about to jump off the Catawba River Bridge.
They stopped.
George, the top biker was a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Troopers and he says, "Hey Baby, whatcha doin' up there on that there railin'?"
She says "I'm going to commit suicide!"
George says "Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe, how about you give ol' George here your best goodbye kiss?"
Without hesitation, she leaned back over the rail and did just that. And it was a long, deep, lingering kiss plus a few more real wet ones. George gets cheers of approval from his biker-buddies, onlookers, and even the State Troopers.
"Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you got there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me.
Why the hell are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl."
Redneck Birth Control
A redneck in the deep south calls a number he found on a flyer for cheap home vasectomies.
A man on the other side of the line informs him that the procedure is very simple. So simple in fact he can do it on his own.
All he needs is a beer can, a cherry bomb (little firecracker) and to count to 10 whilst standing in the garden.
So the redneck empties the can, lights the cherry bomb and drops it in.
Holding the can in his left hand he starts counting on his fingers.
And then placing the can between his thighs he continues to count on the other hand.
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Brazilian.
What does it mean "the rest of the world?
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
How many south americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Boudreaux goes to Hell
So one day, Boudreaux gets into a boating accident and dies. Unfortunately, St. Peter sends him to hell.
Later on, the devil's making his rounds and sees Boudreaux, just sitting on a rock, smiling like an idiot. The devil goes up to him and says, "Hey, why the heck are you smiling? You're in Hell."
"Well, it's just like a day in da south in June." Boudreaux replied.
The devil, obviously mad that someone was smiling in Hell, told Boudreaux to wait right there. He went to office and turned the thermostat up. When he returned, he found Boudreaux, still smiling like an idiot. The devil went up to him and asked, "How the hell can you still be smiling!? It's even hotter than it was before!"
Boudreaux said, "Mais, it's just like a day in August now."
The devil, now furious, went to his office and kicked his thermostat, breaking it and causing Hell to become ice cold. He returns to Boudreaux, yet, lo and behold, he's still sitting there and smiling like an idiot. The devil yells,
"HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL SMILING!? HELL HAS JUST FROZEN OVER!"
While shivering, Boudreaux simply said, "Mais, the S-S-Saints musta won the S-S-Super Bowl."
So George Bush is in his office...
His adviser comes in tells him, "Mr. President I'm afraid I have some bad news. There was an explosion at our embassy in South America, two Americans were killed as well as three Brazilian citizens."
Bush looks at him and says, "Oh my God... How many is a brazilian?"
An Englishman an Australian and a South African are in a bar...
An Englishman an Australian and a South African are in a bar one night having a beer.
All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says "In Sath Efrika our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice".
The Aussie, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces and says "Well mate in 'straaaaaaaailia we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either".
The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws the glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the South African and the Australian and says, "In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Australians that we don't need to drink with the same one twice".
Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea.
Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found
They are trying to find out what period it came from
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'm from the southern US, is it OK to poke fun at myself?
Why don't schools in the south teach Driver's Ed and Sex Ed on same day?
Too hard on the mule.
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves
In Japan they invented a machine that catches thieves, so they took it out to different countries for a test. In USA, in 30 minutes, it caught 20 thieves,
UK, in 30 minutes it caught 500 thieves,
Spain in 20 minutes it caught 25 thieves :
Nigeria in 10 minutes it caught 6,000 thieves,
Uganda in 7 minutes it caught 20,000 thieves,
Then they brought it to South Africa , in 5 minutes the machine was stolen.
What is the most popular dating website in the south?
A cowboy appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates
A cowboy appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well I can think of one thing," the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest biker with the most tattoos and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled 'Now back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you!'"
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
" A couple of minutes ago."
Keep Your Mouth Shut!!
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze up and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him!
The morals of this story are:
Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
And when you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!
My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning
She asked me how to get her hand out quickly.
I told her, "Dig south for her arm, bae."
Lazy vultures
Two lazy vultures had procrastinated on flying south for the winter until the first frost hit, then they got worried. "We better catch an airplane to Mexico, lets go to the airport!" So they take off down the road, and as luck would have it, they come across two dead road-killed opossums, that had started to get nice and smelly, just like vultures like them. "What luck, we better take these with us, I heard the airlines don't offer meals on the flight anymore." So they each grab a dead opossum, tuck it under their wing, and head on to the terminal. They walk up to the ticket counter and tell they lady "We'd like two tickets to Cancun, please."
"Very well," she says, "Will you be checking any bags?"
"No," say the vultures, holding up the dead opossum carcasses, "we only have carrion."
Why does it take southerners so long to do their chores?
Because slavery is illegal.
Why is it always a full tide in South Africa?
Because they made a part tide illegal.
A North Irish girl lives with her grandmother...
and they find that they are running very low on money. The girl tells her grandma,
"I'm going to head off south to find work, I'll come back with money. I promise."
The girl is gone for many months, and when she returns home she has tons of money! The grandmother is overjoyed and says,
"How did you make all this money, child?"
The girl says in a hushed voice, "Well, I was a prostitute grandma."
The grandmother looked enraged, "What did you say?!"
"I was a prostitute, grandma! I'm sorry."
The grandmother calms down, "Oh thank God! I thought you said you were a protestant!"
How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
A Brazillian
A new southerner in town.
So a man who lived in the north moved to the south to become a farmer so he packed up and moved to the south to start a farm. To start out he had to find a rooster for his farm, so he went the town and went into the store that sold rooster. He went up the clerk and asked for a rooster, but the cashier told him that they call them cocks there, so he took the cock and remembers that he will need a chicken for his farm so he went to the same store and asked for a chicken, but the cashier told him that they call them pullets so he took the pullet and left. Last he remembered he would need a donkey for his farm so he went to the same store and asked the store clerk for a donkey, but like the other times the cashier told him that they call them asses there, but to make the ass move you had to slap them. So he took the ass and started to walk up the street but his hands were too full so he looked at the nearest person to him and asked "Can you hold my cock and pullet while I slap my ass?"
A snobbish English teacher was sitting in an airport in the South waiting on her flight back to New York, when
a young southern girl sat down next to her. "Where y'all goin' to?" she asked the teacher.
Turning her nose in the air, the snob replied, "I don't answer people who end their sentences with prepositions."
The young lady thought a moment and replied, "Where y'all goin' to, *bitch*?"
TIL 50% of South Koreans have cataracts.
The other 50% drive Rincolns.
whats the diffrence between a tornado and a divorce in the south?
nothing. sombodys losing a trailer!
What do South Koreans call their spouses?
Seoulmates
Elon Musk was born in South Africa, and made an electric car. What if he had been born in Madagascar?
He would have made a gas car
Whats the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the south?
Nothing, because either way, someone is losing their trailer.
How many South American people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Brazilian
Sad but true.
Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!
it seems Oscar Pistorious jokes still have legs..
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't ever sneak up on Oscar Pistorius.
She didn't notice Oscar sneaking up behind her. It was the silence of the limbs.
Oscar Pistorius. Not the first South African with a race problem.
When Oscar Pistorius said he wanted to be just like able bodied athletes, who knew he meant OJ Simpson?
Absolutely shocking news from South Africa. White man arrested for murder.
Oscar Pistorius. Just because he has no legs doesn't mean he's unarmed.
Surely Oscar Pistorius cant be the first man to wake up legless on Valentines day and shoot all over the missus while imagining she's someone else!
I take it Oscar Pistorius's girlfriend bought him shoes for Valentines.
What do you call a room full of dead people? An Oscar Pistorius surprise birthday party... or... An Oscar Pistorius St Valentine's Day Massacre
Oscar Pistorius has an incredible record of wins to his name - Six gold medals, four silver medals and one argument.
A young woman is dead, the life of up‑and‑coming athlete, Oscar Pistorius, is ruined, and people are already making jokes about it. That's prosthetic... i mean pathetic.
I think it's safe to say that Oscar Pistorius won't be getting his leg over tonight.
Oscar Pistorious' lawyer is trying to claim mistaken identity
Personally I don`t think he has a leg to stand on
And the Oscar goes to ... Prison.
President of South Korea Impeached.
Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.
There's a poem contest in South Carolina.
It's down to two contestants...one Harvard grad and one old redneck from the Low Country. They each have 5 minutes to come up with a poem, but they have to use the word "Timbuktu" in the poem to win. The Harvard grad goes first.
"Swiftly cross the desert sands,
Strode a lonely caravan.
One by one on camels drew,
Destination: Timbuktu."
The crowd goes crazy, thinking there's no way the redneck can top that. He walks to the mic, spits out his wad of tabacco, ponders a second and says:
"Me and Tim a huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three and we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu."
A bird is flying south for the winters
It freezes mid-flight and falls down on the snow in a farm. A cow passing by takes pity on it and shits on it to keep it warm.
After few minutes the bird regains consciousness because of the warmth and starts chirping.
A cat hears it, picks it out of the shit, cleans it and eats it.
Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
Not everyone who takes you out of a shit is your friend.
But most importantly,
When you are in a deep shit, shut the fuck up.
South Korea is famous for their R&B music.
They've really got Seoul.
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The flight attendant asked: "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"
He said that she had.
With a clever grin, she said: "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
Why are South Koreans better dancers than North Koreans?
They've got Seoul.
I'll be so demoralised if North Korea decides to invade South Korea...
It'd be Seoul destroying
Kids from around the globe were asked to write an essay...
and the teacher asked, "Please write in your own opinion about the insufficient amount of food in other countries."
But none of the could write it.
The kid from South America didn't know what 'please' was.
The Asian kid didn't know what 'your own opinion' was.
The European kid didn't know what the word 'insufficient' meant.
The Kid from Africa didn't know what 'food' was.
And the kid from North America had absolutely no clue what the heck were 'other countries'.
Another Southern Belle Joke:
Four southern belles were discussing their husbands one afternoon
1st Southern Belle: "Well, ah do declare, my husband is so good to me.
He brings me diamonds near' every day of the week. I got a diamond
ring for every finger."
2SB: "My My My"
3SB: "You know, my husbands is the same way. He brings me fur coats
all the time. I got a whole closet full of fur coats."
4SB: "Mine too. He takes me on cruises and trips. I've been nearly
everywhere on this whole blessed earth."
(Nervous pause)
1SB to 2SB: "How does your husband treat you?"
2SB: "Oh, my husband is good to me too. He sent me off to finishin' school."
3SB to 2SB: "Finishin' school? What good is goin' to finishin' school?"
2SB: "Well, I used to say 'Fuck you, bitch', now I just say 'My My My.'"
Southern Gas Station Promotion
A gas station owner near Camden , Alabama was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read, Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close! The number was 7. Sorry; no sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but NO free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is RIGGED, and he doesn't really give away FREE Sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My WIFE won twice last week."
Did you know that 90% of all dog in South Korea are inbred?
Most commonly it's whole wheat or rye
Did you hear about the failed mission to Antarctica?
Their journey went south.
What do you call a gay man from the deep South
a Homo-sex-y'all
Two informally dressed ladies happened to start up a conversation during an endless wait in the LAX airport.
The first lady was an arrogant California woman married to a wealthy man.
The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from the South.
When the conversation centered on whether they had any children, the California woman started by saying, "When my first child was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."
The lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz..
Again, the lady from the South commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman continued boasting, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet.
Yet again, the Southern lady commented, "Well, bless your heart."
The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"
"My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Southern lady.
"Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my God! What on earth for?"
The Southern lady responded, "Well for example, instead of saying "Who gives a shit?" I learned to say, "Well, bless your heart".
A southern belle and a snobby New Yorker meet on a plane...
The southern belle says, "So, where are you from?"
The New Yorker replies, "Where am I *from*? I'm from a place where we don't end our sentences with a preposition."
The southern belle thinks about this for a moment. Then, she says, "So, where are you from, bitch?"
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce in the South?
Nothing, someone's losing the trailer.
-Robin Williams
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are on a ridge
And the lone ranger says: "Tonto! There's Indians to the North! And Indians to the West, Indians to the East and Indians to the South! What are we going to do?"
And Tonto goes: "What do you mean we, white man?"
What do Southerners have in common with peanut butter?
They are both usually in bread.
Three nuns went to a baseball game
Three nuns went to a baseball game. Over the course of the baseball game, the nuns became increasingly rowdy. So, three men behind them began to have a loud discussion.
"I think i'll move to Idaho, I hear that there are only 20 nuns there," said the first man.
"20 nuns? I'm going to move to South Dakota. I hear that there are only 10 nuns there," said the second man.
Just before the third man could speak, one of the nuns turned around and said, "You should go to hell, I hear that there are no nuns there."
Which city is the South African Superman from?
North Korea has finished nuking the South, and there was one man left alive.
He was the Seoul survivor.
Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle
The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"
The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"
What's the difference between a tornado in the south and a southern divorce?
Nothing, somebody's losing the trailer.
What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca?
One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.
What does a southern belle playing Magic the Gathering say when her opponent disrupts her mana production?
My lands!
What does a tornado and a divorce in the south have in common?
Somebody is losing a trailer
Three Southern ladies are sitting on the porch drinking cocktails
Betty Lou says, "After I had little Bubba Junior, Bubba bought me a brand new Cadillac convertible."
Bobby Sue says, "That Bubba is one sweet and generous husband."
Darla Jean says, "Well ain't that sweet."
Bobby Sue says, "When I gave birth to little Dale Junior, Dale said we needed a bigger house and bought me a new four bedroom with central air."
Betty Lou says, "I declare that Dale is a wonderful man."
Bobby Sue says, "Darla Jean, what did Lester get you after Les Junior was born?"
Darla Jean says, "He sent me to charm school."
"Charm school?"
"Yes, and it worked, too. I used to just say fuck you, but now I say, 'Well ain't that sweet'.
What does the south call friends with benefits?
Cousins.....
I've heard that people in the South think everything is better in sandwich form.
Those inbreds.
What did the goose say when he found out about flying south?
Wanna hear migrate idea?
When the Saxons landed in England...
...they decided to split up into five groups to cover as much ground as possible.
One group headed West and Wessex was born.
A particularly lazy bunch decided to stay exactly at the meeting point and incorporate Middlesex.
Another went South to form Sussex, which is still exactly where they made it, while yet another formed Essex to the East.
Oh, nearly forgot about the very conservative pack who went North. Nobody heard from them again
Alabama Wedding
Deep in the heart of Alabama, a son arrives to his father's house with exciting news.
"Paw, I met the best girl in the world, and we're about to get married!"
The father seems excited, and urges his son to describe her.
"Well, she's quick as a whip, funny as a bone, most gorgeous girl south of dixie," and after every description, the father hollers his approval.
"And best of all... she's a virgin!"
At the last statement, the father's excitement disappears. The son looks confused, and asks him what's the matter. The father shouts back,
"If she ain't good enough for her family, what makes you think she's good enough for ours?"
A lady from South Carolina meets up with a woman from New York
South Carolina lady: Where y'all from?
New Yorker: Where I'm from, we don't end a sentence with a preposition
South Carolina lady: Oh okay, Where y'all from, bitch?
There's this penguin...
There's this penguin, driving through the South, the Deep South... late August. The hot months. "Ew! But it sure is hot!" the penguin lisped from behind the wheel of his choking jalopy.
Suddenly! The jalopy fails the penguin and he has to push it down a bumpy road to the next small town. He got out, and with all his strength in his weak flippers, he pushed the car over hill and dale.
"Whew!" he sighed.
As luck would have it, there was a mechanic in town, and he told the penguin that he'd have to spend some time with the car. "Why don't you come back in an hour or so?"
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the penguin espied an ice cream shoppe! "Hurray and yippy!" he cried! "I'll be back, toot sweet!" he said.
He ordered the tallest vanilla ice cream he could hold between his vestigial wings... those miserable fins could barely manage the scoops upon scoops of creamy goodness. The cone was so tall that more of it ended up on the penguin than in him!
"Yummy! That was very very good!" the penguin said, smacking his lips.
He waddled back to the mechanic who was ready to give the little fellow an update. The mechanic looked at the penguin sternly. The gaskets and seals on the engine were severely damaged after years of driving without a routine check, and it was certainly going to be expensive.
"Well, it looks like you blew a seal."
"Oh no, that's just ice cream!" the penguin said, wiping the ice cream from his chin.
Corporate Lesson #3
A bird is late to fly south for the winter, and when his wings start to freeze, he lands in a barnyard. The bird is pretty irritated (an angry bird, perhaps) with his situation - when all of a sudden a cow shows up and takes a huge crap on him.
At first, the bird becomes even more upset, but he then realizes that despite the smell, the cow dung is warming him up and melting the ice on his wings. After a while, he becomes happy, and starts to chirp.
The farmer's cat, hearing chirping, tracks down the bird and eats him.
#1 - People who crap on you are not necessarily your enemies
#2 - People who pull you out of crap are not necessarily your friends
#3 - If you are warm and happy whilst in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.
My friend was super excited when his girlfriend said "You're like a brother to me!"
Then I remembered, they're from the south.
How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South?
Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb???????
In the Old West, a man robbed a bank in El Paso and rode south. The sheriff quickly formed a posse and they captured him in a small cantina near the Mexican border, but he didn't have the money. The sheriff decided to interrogate him, but the robber only spoke Spanish, so they got the bartender to translate.
Sheriff, through translator: "Where's the money?"
Bank robber, through translator: I'll never tell you."
The sheriff puts his revolver to the bank robber's head. Now, tell me where the money is!
Bank robber (in Spanish): I hid it under the bridge south of town!
Translator: He says he's not afraid to die."
Worst Injury Imaginable
A South American guy gets into a terrible accident. When he comes to in the hospital, he looks down and sees a bloody rag covering his groin, and notices he can't feel his penis.
A doctor walks into his hospital room and the guy looks at him, and says, through tears "Give it to me straight, Doctor. How much is left?"
"Well," says the Doctor, "if the tattoo you had on there said 'Anna', then you have half. If it was 'Elena', then you have two-fifths."
The man groans and says "Doc. It said 'Made in Argentina'"
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a South Alabama man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
What do North Koreans lack that South Koreans do not?
North Koreans have no Seoul.
Three friends on the Great Wall of China
Three friends, an American, a German and a South African, are walking along the Great Wall of China. The American decides he wants to show off, so he takes out an enormous Hersey's bar, nibbles on a small piece, then tosses it over the edge of the wall.
The German exclaims "What a waste of chocolate!" And the American replies "We have TONS of it in our country."
Not to be out done, the German takes out a large bottle of unmarked Wheat beer, takes a small sip, then tosses it over the edge of the wall.
The South African explodes "What a bloody waste of beer!" And the German replies "We have TONS of it in our country."
Now the South African is pondering, and see's a tour group walking by. He grabs a black tourist and chucks him over the wall.
As the American and German shout in horror, the South African waves his hand nonchalantly and says "It's Okay! We have tons of them in our country."
Having a baby in the south is like yeast...
Y'know, cause it's in-bread.
A South African actor walks into his managers office (original joke)
Looking for a job. His manager thinks about it and says "we only have one role available at the moment, it's a short film about segregation"
The actor replies "great, that sounds like a-part-heid take"
[NSFW] A north dakota cowboy and a south Dakota cowboy are riding the fence one day
When they come across a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence so the south Dakota cowboy gets down off his horse, goes over, and fucks the sheep.
He then looks up at the North Dakota cowboy and asks "do you want a go?"
Too which the North Dakota cowboy replies "sure" and he gets down off his horse,
Pulls his pants down,
And sticks his head I the fence.
South American Blow Job Toad
A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.
The guy asks, "What's in the box?"
The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."
The young guy looks around. "Can I try it?"
The older guy nods. The young guy goes to the men's room and returns 20 minutes later.
"That was amazing," he says, "You've got to sell it to me."
The old drunk concedes to sell the toad for a hefty sum. The happy young man struts home and meets his wife at the door.
"Where the hell have you been? What's in the box?" she demands.
"South American Blow Job Toad."
"So?" asks the wife.
"So, teach it to cook and get the f**k out."
Joke for any South Africans out there...
Mbeki, Jacob Zuma, Geraldine Fraser-Moleketi and Manto Tsabalala Msimang were flying together in the President's jet. Thabo Mbeki suddenly said: You know what. I can throw a R500 right now out of this window and make someone happy.
Jacob Zuma said: I can throw five R 100 notes out of the window and I will make 5 people unbelievably happy.
Geraldine said: I will give government employees 7.25% salary increase and make millions happy .
Manto said : I will can throw ten R 50 notes out of the window and make 10 people very, very happy.
The one pilot looks at the other and says:
Listen to those 4 showoffs at the back… I can throw all 4 of them out of the window right now and I will make the whole country very happy!
What does a South Korean call their lover?
Their Seoul Mate.
Why did the North Korean defect to South Korea?
He did some seoul searching.
I like my women like I like my whiskey...
Light brown, from the south, and kept in a lightless cabinet only to be taken out on special occasions.
The toothbrush was invented in the South
because if it was invented anywhere else, it would be called a teethbrush.
It's a common misconception that black slaves in the South were uneducated
They all had their masters
What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable in the South?
A vegetable can get married
Why do the makers of Viagra support the Confederate flag?
They know the south will rise again.
What do you get when you put the entire South Carolina cheerleading team in one room?
A full set of teeth.
Okay, Lama spelled with one 'L' is a holy man in Tibet. With two 'L's, a llama is a South American pack animal.
So, what is a three 'L' lama?
A big fire in Boston.
Whats the difference between a South African tourist and a racist?
About a week or so
In the South Pacific...
Many years ago, in the South Pacific, there was a small island kingdom that was ruled by a kind and benevolent King. Each year, on the King's birthday, the residents of the island gave the King a new throne as token of their love and respect for him. And each year, the King would put last years gift up in the attic of his small house. After many years of ruling the island, the weight of the large number of birthday presents stored up in the attic became too heavy and caused the house to fall down.
The moral of the story is that people in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
How many Southerners does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change? Whatever do you mean, *change*?
Two Leprechauns Knock on the Door of a Convent.
The Mother Superior answers.
"Em, 'scuse me, Mother Superior," the first leprechaun says, "but you aren't after having any midget nuns in this convent?"
"Why, no little man" says she, "we have no midget nuns in this convent."
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the south of Ireland?"
"No, little man"
"Sure there aren't any midget nuns in the north of Ireland?"
"No, little man."
"So, yer tellin' us, Mother Superior, that in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns?"
"Yes, as far as I know in all of Ireland, there are no midget nuns." The line of questioning becoming tiresome, the Mother Superior closes the door and goes away.
One leprechaun turns to the other and says, "Ah, well ye see, Seamus, I told you it was a penguin we fooked."
Being from the South, my mother was all about hospitality! Cooking, cleaning, dishes, laundry and even foot rubs!
She made me do it all.
My name is Carmen...
A man is enjoying his time on a beach in South America when a beautiful young woman wanders over and strikes up a conversation with him. A few minutes pass, and he inquires as to what her name is. She replies "My name is Carmen."
"That's a nice name," he says.
"My name used to be Lucia," she says.
"Why did you change it?" he asks.
"I wanted to name myself after things I like...cars and men. So, Carmen. What's your name?"
The man pauses for a moment and replies, "B.J. Titsanbeer."
How is the south dealing with birth control
They are banning family reunions
How many people live in South America?
2 ants
Two ants meet at the navel of a beautiful sunbathing woman.
They decide that one will explore the area to the north and the other one will go south.
A day later they meet at the navel again.
The ant who explored the north starts to talk about his journey excitedly: "It was awesome! Two steep hills, I took out my climbing gear, went up, took out my deck chair and got a nice tan! What about you?"
The other ant groans: "Don't ask! It was terrible. First I had to fight my way through this humid thicket and when I finally found a cave and was just about to roll out my sleeping bag this fucking bald guy comes in and pukes all over the place!"
(translated from German, so sorry if it sounds weird)
aleutian jokes
kentucky jokes
west jokes
bloc jokes
southeast jokes
texas jokes
north jokes
southerner jokes
migrate jokes
mississippi jokes
pacific jokes
asia jokes
erratic jokes
east jokes
eastern jokes
poorest jokes
southern jokes
alabama jokes
occident jokes
alaska jokes
southwest jokes
crushin jokes
northern jokes
nuking jokes
northeast jokes
northwest jokes
matured jokes
suburb jokes
call jokes
border jokes
sea jokes
violence jokes
corruption jokes
stupidity jokes
touch jokes
What are the best South puns and pranks?
Did you ever wanted to prank someone about South? Well, here are the best jokes about South to have fun with.
Top 10 South Jokes


Is Coding the Language of the Digital Age?
With smartphones, tablets, and apps, coding is becoming the language of the digital age, but is the U.S. lagging behind? A panel of experts discusses how we can improve our coding literacy and close the programming gap among women and minorities.
Hadi Partovi is CEO and co-founder of Code.org in Seattle, Washington.
Jane Margolis is senior researcher at the graduate school of education and information studies at the University of California, Los Angeles in Los Angeles, California.
Vanessa Hurst is founder of CodeMontage and co-founder of Girl Develop It in New York, New York.


text:
Q: JPA - How to make field not required in JSON POST request I don't want to pass the price field in a JSON POST request, but to be computed by the setPrice() custom method.
When i pass the price field that i don't want to pass in a JSON POST request, no matter the value, it works and my field is correctly computed and stored in a MySQL table. When i don't pass it, it just returns and stores 0 for some reason.
@Entity
public class User {

@Id
@GeneratedValue(strategy = GenerationType.IDENTITY)
private int user_id;

private String name;

@JsonFormat(pattern = "dd/MM/yyyy", timezone = "Europe/Berlin")
private Date date1;

@JsonFormat(pattern = "dd/MM/yyyy", timezone = "Europe/Berlin")
private Date date2;

private int beds;

private int meals;

private double price;

public String getName() {
    return name;
}

public void setName(String name) {
    this.name = name;
}

public int getUser_id() {
    return user_id;
}

public void setUser_id(int user_id) {
    this.user_id = user_id;
}

public double getPrice() {
    return price;
}

public void setPrice(double price) {

    this.price = (double) computePrice(date1, date2, beds, meals);
}

public int getBeds() {
    return beds;
}

public void setBeds(int beds) {
    this.beds = beds;
}

public Date getDate1() {
    return date1;
}

public void setDate1(Date date1) {
    this.date1 = date1;
}

public int getMeals() {
    return meals;
}

public void setMeals(int meals) {
    this.meals = meals;
}

public Date getDate2() {

    return date2;
}

public void setDate2(Date date2) {
    this.date2 = date2;
}

public long computePrice(Date date1, Date date2, int beds, int meals) {

    long duration = date2.getTime() - date1.getTime();

    long diffInDays = TimeUnit.MILLISECONDS.toDays(duration);

    if (diffInDays < 0) {
        return 0;
    }

    double priceBeds;
    double priceMeals = 700;

    if (beds == 1) {
        priceBeds = 2200;
    } else if (beds == 2) {
        priceBeds = 3300;
    } else if (beds == 3) {
        priceBeds = 4100;
    } else {
        priceBeds = 0;
    }

    if (meals < 0 || meals > 3) {
        meals = 0;
    }

    return (long) (diffInDays * (priceBeds + (meals * priceMeals)));

}

A: You are using double primitive for the price field. The default value for double primitive is 0, so when not passed, it is initialized to it.
If you'll use Double object, the default value when not passed will be null

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


Typically, the demand for vaccines is lower than socially optimal because individuals do not internalize the social benefit of protecting others via reduced infectiousness (known as a positive externality). We show that the supply side can also be found at fault; there is typically limited supply due to yield uncertainty and manufacturer's incentives. This shortage leads to a negative externality; self-interested individuals ignore that vaccinating people with high infection costs is more beneficial for the society when supply is limited. We also develop mechanisms that either reduces or completely eliminates the inefficiency in the flu vaccine supply chain.
Administering vaccine distribution has both supply-side and demand-side components; more effective disease control can be achieved though both greater application and smarter allocation.
Arifoglu, K. (n.d.). A Two-Sided Mechanism to Coordinate the Influenza Vaccine Supply Chain.


Genuine upcoming fall season for pumpkin decorating ideas also upcoming fall pumpkin decorating ideas. Examplary pumpkin carving ideas est ny on mummy pumpkindecorating ideas mummy pumpkin decorating ideas trends home design images. Absorbing pumpkin decorating multimedia pumpkins pumpkin decorating ideas bags bows. Lovely pumpkin decorating ideas pumpkin decorating ideas go. Charm upcoming fall season as wells as upcoming fall season pumpkin decorating ideas with pumpkin decorating ideas. Multipurpose pumpkin decorating ideas in toddlers parenting. Pretty my curated roundup h20bungalow carved sources witch rv flower baseball decorate small pumpkins home decor western home decor magazines yosemite decorators promo code diy h for pumpkin decorating ideas. Joyous carving ideas then halloween minions pumpkin style pumpkin decoration for halloween. Grande halloween pumpkin decorating ideas decorating design blog halloween pumpkin decorating ideas decorating design.
Genuine upcoming fall season for pumpkin decorating ideas also upcoming fall pumpkin decorating ideas in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Examplary pumpkin carving ideas est ny on mummy pumpkindecorating ideas mummy pumpkin decorating ideas trends home design images in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Absorbing pumpkin decorating multimedia pumpkins pumpkin decorating ideas bags bows in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Lovely pumpkin decorating ideas pumpkin decorating ideas go in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Charm upcoming fall season as wells as upcoming fall season pumpkin decorating ideas with pumpkin decorating ideas in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Multipurpose pumpkin decorating ideas in toddlers parenting in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Pretty my curated roundup h20bungalow carved sources witch rv flower baseball decorate small pumpkins home decor western home decor magazines yosemite decorators promo code diy h for pumpkin decorating ideas in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Joyous carving ideas then halloween minions pumpkin style pumpkin decoration for halloween in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Grande halloween pumpkin decorating ideas decorating design blog halloween pumpkin decorating ideas decorating design in pumpkin decorating ideas.
Particular over 30 halloween pumpkin decorating ideas fi in pumpkin decorating ideas.


9/7/17 - This is an extremely rare Mauser HSc from 1940. This variation with low grip screw saw only ~700 manufactured, all in 1940 with high-polish finish. This variation represents the first 700 HSc's manufactured, as the revision to the grip placement on the frame had already been done before production began. This likely means these pistols were already in inventory at the factory and the replacement forgings would have been ordered before the HSc came off the assembly line. This one has about 99% blue remaining with a couple of minor dings on the front strap. Minty magazine and bore. Grips show no notable flaws.


Concrete: Properties and Manufacture describes the properties of concrete, including its manufacture and use in civil engineering construction.
The book first discusses the properties of plastic or wet and hardened concrete. The text also describes different concrete materials, including cement, Portland cement, slag and high alumina cements, and aggregates.
The selection also looks at the mix design of concrete. Mix proportioning based on strength and workability; mix design for high alumina cement; combination of single-sized aggregates; and nominal mixes are discussed. The text also examines the manufacture of concrete. Handling and batching of materials, mixing and placing, compaction of concrete, and winter concreting are underscored.
The book also focuses on the resistance of concrete to deterioration. Resistance of concrete to freezing, sewage, sulfate attack, chemicals, fire, erosion, and abrasion are discussed. The text also offers information on surface treatment of concrete and special concrete.
The selection is a valuable source of information for readers, students, and graduate and site engineers.


Ukraine with its name meaning "borderland" seems doomed to be a country between East and West and therefore to be a divided country. That is quite a spread image of Ukraine. Whether one would talk about Ukraine's history or the history of independent Ukraine, there is always a place and even impossibility not to describe Ukraine by using the words "divisions" and "divided". Though the history of Ukraine seems a real patchwork of different regions belonging to different political units, more than 20 years of peaceful coexistence in the independent Ukraine rather confirms the "divide and rule" strategies of the political elites and doesn't give much reasons for blaming the complicated history and caused by its current ethno-linguistic and cultural differences for the division of Ukrainian society. The principle "divide and rule" has been especially applied in Ukraine before and during the so called Orange Revolution and exploited once again during the so called Euromaidan revolution. Focusing on discourses of various politicians and intellectuals, the paper aims to analyze Ukraine's East-West division and the construction of regions as peculiar political and cultural spaces in Ukraine. There is a common narrative of "two Ukraines". From one side there is a pro-European Western Ukraine, which shares liberal democracy values, wants to join the European Union, seeks to "return to Europe" and speaks Ukrainian. The Eastern Ukraine is described often not just different but worse, nostalgic about the Soviet Union, speaks Russian, has close relations with Russia, is hostile towards the West and does not share "western" values. This East-West division is strengthened by the existing regional poles, which are opposed to each other – the Western Galicia (a phantom region), a Ukrainian cultural "Piedmont", a beacon of Western civilization with its main city Lviv and from another side highly Sovietinized Donbas region in the East with its main city Donetsk, which image is getting even more negative in course of the current war. The myth of "two Ukraines" was turned into differences between two civilizations in the Huntingtonian sense ("Huntingtonization" of the Ukrainian political discourse). The Ukrainian East-West division constitutes a part of the European East-West dichotomy. This dichotomy was well retranslated in Ukrainian settings. The paper aims to deconstruct the myth of the infamous Ukrainian East-West division. Apart from that, taken into the account the current developments, it is important for the author to show how Eastern Ukraine with its region Donbas have been trapped to the stereotypical Orientalism in the political and intellectual discourses and how the notion of Eastern Ukraine have been shifted eastwards in the course of war and reduced to the Donbas region.
General Prosperity: Is Wellbeing a Human Right?


These circumstances, together with expanding opportunities for trade, have enabled some countries to overcome in substantial degree the handicaps of a meagre agricultural endowment.
Marginal cost for the nth unit may be expressed as: A country's ability to improve its standard of living over time depends almost entirely on its ability to raise its output per worker. Money cost thus includes all the business expenses which involve outlay of money to support business operations. Suppose you have an opportunity to purchase an asset which costs Rs.
The spectrum of concurrent technologies that can be chosen is influenced by available innovations and adopter's compatibilities.
If capital can be steadily improved over time, its expansion need not entail diminishing returns. Accordingly, there is a drastic improvement in productivity and productive capacity utilization.
The formula of the MFP growth is as follows Schreyer ,7: Competitive pressure, financial status of the local authorities and various geo- and. The justification for this is that change in technological knowledge and the capital embodying it is both essential to substantial gains in productivity and the factor most immediately associated with those gains.
But an ultimate decline would be expected. Process improvements may include organizational structures e. They would, after a point, lead to diminishing increases and eventually even to a decline in output per worker.
A firm earns or makes Economic profit only when besides covering various costs of operation, a firm is also able to earn more than its opportunity cost or its possible earnings under the next best investment alternative.
In consistent with the earlier findings, the results show that there is substantial inefficiency among the commercial banks in India over the period of the study to On the other hand, if the purchase price of capital C0 increases, investment will fall.
The income change created by production function is always distributed to the stakeholders as economic values within the review period. As the output of a firm changes the cost pattern of a firm also undergoes change.
There are different cost concepts.Average costs - equivalent to the average cost per unit; i.e., the total costs divided by the total number of units of production.
Fixed costs - those costs which, within a short time span, do not vary with the quantity of production; e.g., heating and lighting. According to the classical theory there are three determinants of business investment, viz., (i) cost, (ii) return and (iii) expectations.
According to Keynes investment decisions are taken by comparing the marginal efficiency of capital (MEC) or the yield with the real rate of interest (r). component of overall cost and revenue efficiency, scale efficiency, is an important determinant of prices and profit. (See also Berger, ; Goldberg and Rai, ).
engineering efficiency, requiring that goods be produced at lowest cost, while also requiring that the type and quantity of goods and services are consistent with society's desires. important to determine the factors that affect bank cost efficiency level Kenya.
This research paper applies the Stochastic Frontier Analysis (SFA) model where the intermediation approach of determining bank efficiency is used. The intermediation approach is superior to the production approach as it is characterized by fewer data problems.
This study estimates the cost efficiency and its decompositions of Malaysian banks over the period of to by utilising data envelopment analysis (DEA) method. Instead of estimating efficiency based on DEA separate frontiers approach; this study departs from practice of many previous studies.


text:
Coopération judiciaire et policière
Migration et Asile
Politique Européenne de Voisinage
#LaRéplique
…face à l'euroscepticisme
…face au populisme
…par des actions citoyennes
Articles de nos partenaires
EU-Logos et la RGPD
http://cdn1.img.sputniknews.com/images/103942/15/1039421557.jpg
Some Expectations of the Warsaw Summit 2016
EU-Logos Athéna
Eu Mundus / Relations extérieures
On July 8-9 2016, the member heads of states and governments of NATO meet in Warsaw to address strategic challenges currently facing the Alliance, and to develop a comprehensive responsive agenda to existing threats to the Alliance's territorial and operational integrity. The requirement to react to evolving challenges is nothing new for NATO, and this Summit is expected to address security environments in regions across the globe, including Europe, the Middle East, and Russia. In doing so, the Alliance will have to act in cohesion and cooperation, and move towards behaving as a single unit. It will also have to further develop its strategic relationships with regional partners, particularly the EU.
The Summit has three main objectives, each of which can be further broken down into several comprehensive points. In a press conference with reporters on 6 June 2016, NATO Secretary General, Jens Stoltenberg, outlined these objectives:
Enhancing NATO's collective defense and deterrence
Projecting stability beyond the Alliance
Expanding cooperation with the EU (and further partnership policies)
This article will expand on each of the objectives, and outline key points of discussion that are likely to be addressed during the Warsaw Summit.
Collective defense & deterrence:
Eastern Flank
The relationship between Russia and NATO has diminished significantly over the past few years. After the annexation of Ukraine's Crimean peninsula by Russia — an act that many countries across the globe considered aggressive and illegal — NATO chose to suspend all practical civilian and military cooperation on 1 April 2014; since then, it has actively placed the blame for the current state of affairs entirely on the shoulders of Russia. However, it claims that avenues for dialogue are kept open for the purpose of potential cooperation in the future. Indeed, Russia and NATO have met three times since the suspension took place; despite this, it cannot objectively be said that the most recent meeting made much progress towards renewing practical cooperation, despite Stoltenberg's insistence otherwise.
The crisis in Ukraine has encouraged NATO to move towards an increasingly protectivist policy in Eastern member states. The beefing up of defense has served to reassure Eastern European partners against the threat of Russia from the East. NATO has claimed that it is "responding to substantial military build-up in Russia", and is not engaging in offensive military action. In fact, Stoltenberg has stated that "everything NATO does and also of course in the Baltic Region is proportionate, it's defensive, and it's fully in line with our international commitments." These statements of assurance, however, seem in contradiction to the recent May unveiling of a $800 million missile receptor site in May by US and NATO officials. This move was a renewal of the US's pledge to defend NATO's territorial integrity and security from so-called "rogue states", wherein NATO will control the site starting July, remotely commanded from a US air base in Germany; however, Russian officials have claimed that this was a move for the military and political containment of Russia.
Furthermore, NATO has already drawn up plans to deploy four combat battalions in Poland, and in the three Baltic nations of Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, and has plans for the continuation of substantial military exercises in Poland. This planned action has seen substantial support in Poland, which borders Ukraine; in early June, Polish Foreign Minister Witold Waszezykowski called for a "substantial" military build-up of NATO forces in Poland and the Baltics to achieve an authentic security guarantee.
It is clear that NATO's first priority is to provide a sense of security and support for its Eastern flank member states. However, the intensity of the beefing up of NATO presence and military projects in the East calls into question the validity of Stoltenberg's assurance that this is only deterrence. Certainly, from some perspectives, NATO plans for security in the East may be interpreted as aggressive expansion and the encirclement of Russia close to the strategically important Black Sea, which Russia uses to house a naval fleet.
Southern Flank
Russia is not NATO's only security concern — the current levels of terrorism and massive refugee flow are a threat to the border security of Southern member states. At present time, the mandate of NATO doesn't include dealing with terrorist groups with regards to intelligence — this is considered a domestic security issue. Furthermore, the South has not historically been at the core of Allies' focus. However, if the Southern states — more specifically Italy, Greece, and Turkey — pressure for support from NATO, the mandate may be changed. Coming up to the Warsaw Summit, NATO is still lacking in strong leadership in the South; it is very likely that this will be a point of discussion and contention during the Summit.
Security beyond the Alliance:
Security in the Middle East and North Africa
NATO Allies and partners continue to support Afghanistan in the fight against corruption, in the restoration and protection of human rights, and in the advancement of the peace process. This relationship is one that is firm and evolving. However, NATO must adapt to deal with armed Islamist groups while staying engaged in Afghanistan, and increasing capacity building within Afghanistan. This pertains specifically to Resolute Support, which is a NATO-led, non-combat mission in Afghanistan. Currently, Resolute Support has about 13,000 NATO personnel and personnel from partner nations. It is expected that a renewal of commitment past 2016 towards Resolute Support shall be made during the Warsaw Summit. It is possible that Allies will engage in consideration of how to ensure success of Resolute Support given the presence of groups in Afghanistan affiliated with IS. Perhaps, this will mean more and direct assistance to ANSF and other Afghan security organs. As well, this may mean a resumption of a combat role.
A review of financial support for Afghan security forces is also expected to take place. NATO needs to finalize commitments locked in until 2020. Currently, NATO and partner nations have confirmed funding pledges until the end of 2017. However, Allies have agreed that working with the wider international community is vital to produce the necessary pledges through 2020. The Warsaw Summit is expected to produce concrete sources of financial pledging through 2020.
From a more long-term lens of focus, a discussion of the role of NATO in conflict zones in the Middle East and North Africa is likely to take place. This may take shape in the form of seeking closer cooperation with countries in the Gulf Cooperation Council, or of providing aid to the US-led coalition to counter ISIS by supplying AWACS surveillance aircrafts. NATO is also likely to seek an increased presence in the Mediterranean, in collusion with the development of a coherent Southern strategy, with the further broadening of Operation Active Endeavour, and increased support for maritime counterterrorism, air policing, and the African Union.
Nuclear Weapons Policy
Although it will most certainly be a focus of the Warsaw Summit, NATO nuclear policy is unlikely to undergo many significant changes in the near future. As it stands, NATO explains such changes as unnecessary, given that "NATO or Western nuclear weapons states do not intend to engage in a nuclear arms race with Russia or any other potential adversary." NATO believes that its current nuclear capabilities are not excessive, and that an excessive reliance on nuclear weapons could be called into question; however, NATO gives no specific definition clarifying the difference between "just enough" nuclear power and "excessive" nuclear power. NATO states that it uses nuclear capabilities as a central tactic to its deterrence and defence position. Therefore, the presence of nuclear weapons plays a key role in "denying potential adversaries any escalation dominance".
There are some points over which discussion may be had, however. Firstly, Allies may address diversification of deterrence and defense capabilities; relying primarily on nuclear capabilities may make potential adversaries question NATO's nuclear resolve, thereby pushing Allied countries into a nuclear weapons arms race. Thus, it is vital that NATO establish a robust set of conventional capabilities, such that NATO's sources are diversified. Secondly, it is important that NATO set out a clear message, that nuclear capabilities exist for a specific purpose — one of deterrence and defence; however, it is also important that NATO emphasizes that nuclear weapons are a last resort — in this way, NATO will honour its international obligations and commitments, including those made on nuclear weapons. Thirdly, NATO must foster an internal debate about the place of nuclear capabilities in the Alliance. This is important because many countries within the Alliance have limited experience with nuclear capabilities. A balance is needed to ensure for future crisis management. Indeed, NATO is likely to reevaluate the role of nuclear scenarios in its crisis-management exercises. This will include a review of the 2010 missile defense development.
Partnership policies
On 19 May 2016, Monenegro signed the Accession Protocol, which has, as of the 30 June 2016, been ratified by all NATO members. The stage is now set for Montenegro's accession into NATO. This will send a political strong message to the world — particularly to Russia — that NATO accepts all countries which meet its demands for membership; it will not be deterred by Russia's attempts to influence against free choice to form alliances in Eastern countries. That being said, it is unlikely that Montenegro shall be able to produce significant contributions towards the Alliance; therefore, a question of aggressive NATO expansion into the East vs. an "open door policy" towards new members voluntarily joining still remains. The prospects of Ukraine and Georgia becoming part of NATO are much further off, but it is unlikely that there will be a pause in the enlargement process after the accession of Montenegro. Therefore, NATO will continually look forward to new members joining after Montenegro becomes the 29th member.
EU-NATO
There is a need for a further enhancement of EU-NATO cooperation. The relationship between the EU and NATO is of a particularly unique nature, given that the EU and NATO have 22 member countries in common. Furthermore, close cooperation between the EU and NATO is an important aspect to the development of many international projects of crisis management and operations, such as in the case of Operation Sophia. Nevertheless, there is always room for growth, especially when it comes to addressing specific security challenges.
One of the areas which EU and NATO cooperation will be further pursued and reaffirmed in Warsaw is the transatlantic partnership. Transatlantic security cooperation has steadily pushed affected countries closer together, emphasizing collective interests and common values, but suffers from a lack of a constructive dialogue between the EU and North American partners. Indeed, this is partly due to the fact that various players within the EU and within the US have diverging interests and fundamentals. However, these gaps need to be addressed and dealt with, as the US cannot engage in European security consistently with a lack of burden-sharing from other nations.
At the Wales summit, NATO members pledged to move towards having every country allocate 2% of its GDP on defense. At present, only five states meet this requirement. However, there is criticism that the 2% figure does not accurately reflect a member state's contribution to the defense capabilities of NATO. Indeed, Greece has the second-greatest defense expenditure in the Alliance after the US in terms of GDP (it meets the 2% requirement, having spent 2.46% of its GDP on defense in 2015). If Germany spent 2% of its GDP on defense, it would have an annual defense expenditure of over 50 billion euro (a budget that politically it cannot adopt). In total defense spending, the US augments NATO's defense budget to an enormous degree, and pours support into European security where EU members are unable. Nevertheless, with the migration crisis, it often seems that EU and NATO security interests are one and the same.
The overarching theme that the Warsaw Summit is expected to produce is deterrence, both against Russia and against threats coming from the Middle East. In order to respond to evolving threats from these regions, it is vital that the Alliance acts in cohesion and in cooperation with its partners across the world, especially in Europe. Furthermore, NATO will need to address a lack of internal response to Southern flank instability. There is yet much work to be done, and it is unlikely that all questions will have answers at the conclusion of the Summit.
Maria Gladkikh
The five most contentious issues on the road to Warsawfile
NATO relations with the EU: http://www.nato.int/cps/en/natohq/topics_49217.htm
Nuclear deterrence and the Alliance in the 21st century: http://www.nato.int/docu/review/2016/Also-in-2016/nuclear-deterrence-alliance-21st-century-nato/EN/
The agenda of the NATO summit in Warsaw: https://www.baks.bund.de/sites/baks010/files/working_paper_security_policy_9_2015.pdf
The 2016 NATO summit: what will be on the agenda in Warsaw? https://www.sipri.org/commentary/topical-backgrounder/2016/2016-nato-summit-what-will-be-agenda-warsaw
NATO Secretary General outlines Warsaw summit agenda: http://www.nato.int/cps/en/natohq/news_133063.htm
Polish foreign minister seeks "substantial" NATO buildup on Europe's Eastern flank: http://www.atlanticcouncil.org/blogs/new-atlanticist/polish-foreign-minister-seeks-substantial-nato-buildup-on-europe-s-eastern-flank
UE – Azerbaïdjan vers un accord pour la réadmission des ressortissants et la facilitation de visas: les deux rapports Gabriel approuvé en commission LIBE.
Pensez-y ! Le numéro d'urgence 112 peut sauver des vies humaines. Un rappel utile du Parlement européen.
L'initiative citoyenne européenne : des députés européennes militent pour de plus grandes facilités. Vers un accord en fin d'année pour le premier anniversaire de l'entrée en vigueur du Traité de Lisbonne ? Des divergences subsistent entre les institutions.
BORIS JOHNSON AND FOX NEWS – DEFENDERS OF DEMOCRACY AGAINST DONALD TRUMP
7 h 00 min 27 Nov 2020
US-Iranian tensions as a challenge for the EU's geopolitical role
10 h 00 min 25 Sep 2020
Why the Corona Crisis affects women disproportionately and what we can do about it ?
11 h 40 min 19 Juin 2020
Greens in Europe : An impressive gain in popularity
17 h 04 min 29 Mai 2020
Adresse:Rue du Cornet 75, 1040 Etterbeek
Téléphone :02 230 51 34
E-mail :info@eu-logos.org
Nom/Prénom
Sélectionner la fréquence d'envoi désirée: mensuelle hebdomadaire journalière
Nous gardons vos données privées et ne les partageons qu'avec des tiers qui rendent ce service possible. Lisez notre politique de confidentialité.
Vérifiez votre boite de réception ou votre répertoire d'indésirables pour confirmer votre abonnement. À bientôt, L'équipe EU-Logos Athéna

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


text:
Q: Adding listener to servlet context in Spring I am trying to use java config in spring 4 webmvc application. After surfing some examples in the Internet I have the following WebAppApplicationInitializer.

public class AppInit implements WebApplicationInitializer {
    private static final String CONFIG_LOCATION = "spring.examples.config";
    private static final String MAPPING_URL = "/rest/*";

    @Override
    public void onStartup(ServletContext servletContext) throws ServletException {
        WebApplicationContext context = getContext();
        servletContext.addListener(new ContextLoaderListener(context));
        ServletRegistration.Dynamic dispatcher = servletContext.addServlet("DispatcherServlet", new DispatcherServlet(context));
        dispatcher.setLoadOnStartup(1);
        dispatcher.addMapping(MAPPING_URL);
    }

    private AnnotationConfigWebApplicationContext getContext() {
        AnnotationConfigWebApplicationContext context = new AnnotationConfigWebApplicationContext();
        context.setConfigLocation(CONFIG_LOCATION);
        return context;
    }

It works fine in jetty, tomcat, but when I am using resin 4.0.40. web server show the following error:

java.lang.IllegalStateException: Cannot initialize context because there
is already a root application context present - check whether you have
multiple ContextLoader* definitions in your web.xml!
    at org.springframework.web.context.ContextLoader.initWebApplicationContext(ContextLoader.java:277)
    at org.springframework.web.context.ContextLoaderListener.contextInitialized(ContextLoaderListener.java:106)
    at com.caucho.server.webapp.WebApp.fireContextInitializedEvent(WebApp.java:3777)
    at com.caucho.server.webapp.WebApp.startImpl(WebApp.java:3687)
    at com.caucho.server.webapp.WebApp.access$400(WebApp.java:207)
    at com.caucho.server.webapp.WebApp$StartupTask.run(WebApp.java:5234)
    at com.caucho.env.thread2.ResinThread2.runTasks(ResinThread2.java:173)
    at com.caucho.env.thread2.ResinThread2.run(ResinThread2.java:118)

When I comment this line

servletContext.addListener(new ContextLoaderListener(context));

all works fine.
Question is what is the purpose of adding listener to servlet context? Is it wrong not to add listener to servlet context?

A: The problem was the bug http://bugs.caucho.com/view.php?id=5611 in resin 4.0.40. ServletContextListener#contextInitialized() called twice. In resin 4.0.41 all works fine


1. Host a Coupon Loyalty & Referral Marketing Campaign on a LPM Communicator strategised to Double Turnover in Half the Time. Research and host relevant rewards for writing rewards and for sharing. Promote these on Websites, Blogs and by rewarding sharing reviews and coupons, specials and deals on Communicators.
2. Host Quick Links from WhatsGood Contact Lists to the Coupon Rewards on the LPM Communicator. Contact Lists for Phones need no introduction. If the list is good it will be shared. Shared lists with links back to one-click Coupons, Specials and Deals will broaden your social network audience.
sharing of Information Communicators aka Pocket Advisors.


San Pedro Jaltepetongo is a Municipality of 458 inhabitants, placed in the State of Oaxaca, with a fertility rate of 4.27 children per woman. 3.06% of the population migrated from outside the State of Oaxaca. 99.56% of the population is indigenous, 90.69% of the inhabitants speak one indigenous language, and 11.22% speak that indigenous language, but not Spanish.
94.76% of the inhabitants of San Pedro Jaltepetongo are Catholic, 24.60% are economically active and, within this active population, 98.91% are employed. Additionally, 94.24% of the dwellings have piped water and 0.72% have Internet access.
Do you want to know more statistical data of San Pedro Jaltepetongo? Please click on this link. Additionally, you can browse a beautiful map of San Pedro Jaltepetongo following the next link.


Protect the base of your beam legs with Carolina Gym Supply Balance Beam Foot Pads. Use our Balance Beam Foot Pads to "mind the gap" between your under-beam Carolina Gym Supply Competition Landing Mats and those at the end of the beam.
Carolina Gym Supply Balance Beam Foot Pads are sold in a set to completely pad the beam bases of one balance beam (4 pieces total).
Made with the same care and attention to detail as all other Carolina Gym Supply matting, Carolina Gym Supply Balance Beam Foot Pads are made to fit your specific beam. They are constructed in the same manner as our Competition Landing Mats: firm polyurethane foam filler topped with 1.25" closed-cell crosslink foam. This provides a stable footing when athletes walk across the mats or land on the Foot Pads on a dismount.
Carolina Gym Supply Balance Beam Foot Pads are available with or without hook and loop fastener. At Carolina Gym Supply, we like to think of matting solutions with the eventual growth of your program in mind. We highly recommend getting the hook/loop option so that you can connect more Competition Landing Mats later, even if your current program and layout doesn't have the need or space for a mat at the end of the beam. Please be sure to specify the hook/loop configuration you need at your time of order.
You are likely familiar with the beam base pads that are a little sliver of a mat which sits directly on top of the balance beam base. Carolina Gym Supply Balance Beam Foot Pads are wider, similar to FIG requirements for balance beam. They are made to cover more surface area, extending the area of the Competition Landing Mats and making your beam area that much safer.
Carolina Gym Supply Balance Beam Foot Pads are made to fit your balance beam brand and style to the "T". Our Foot Pads are generally 8' long (two 4' sections) x 14" wide. If you require changes to these dimensions, please call our sales team to discuss a matting solution that will fit your needs.


text:
BREAKING NEWS!! Virgil van Dijk Beats Ronaldo & Messi To Win UEFA Best Player
August 29, 2019 Yinkfold Sports Comments Off on BREAKING NEWS!! Virgil van Dijk Beats Ronaldo & Messi To Win UEFA Best Player
Virgil van Dijk has been named the UEFA Men's Player of the Year for 2018-19, seeing off competition from Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo.
The Liverpool defender was crowned at the ceremony for the Champions League group stage draw on Thursday.
Liverpool also scooped two of the four positional awards, with van Dijk named best defender ahead of teammate Trent Alexander-Arnold and new Juventus signing Matthijs de Ligt.
Alisson Becker won the goalkeeper award, beating Tottenham's Hugo Lloris and Marc-Andre ter Stegen of Barcelona.
The Brazilian kept six clean sheets during Liverpool's Champions League run, including in the final where he made eight saves in the Reds' 2-0 win over Tottenham.
Lionel Messi Wins 2019 UEFA Champions League Forward Of The Year Award
'Arsenal vs Tottenham Is The Best Match In The World'- Unai Emery


text:
Economy 2022-09-28T14:41:46Z
10 US cities where homebuyers can find a good deal right now
Some real estate markets have seen prices cool in recent weeks. Realtor. com created a list of cities where homebuyers can find a good deal right now.
The 10 'hot streak' housing markets where prices were slashed the most in July
Some of the trendiest cities in the US that saw a swarm of pandemic migration are now experiencing asking price declines on homes for sale.
Real Estate 2022-07-23T07:30:00Z
Netflix's 'Selling Sunset' realtor Emma Hernan reveals the unglamorous side of selling LA houses, including gardening and crawling in tiny spaces
Celebrity realtor Emma Hernan of The Oppenheim Group said her job isn't full of the glitz and glam that Selling Sunset viewers expect. Here's why.
Premium Real Estate 2021-10-05T14:47:01Z
A San Francisco realtor and real-estate coach who makes $500,000 a year starts her workdays on Sundays. Here's a day in her life.
Marina Shiferman, 33, charges $1,500 to help women own and invest in real estate. She's projected to make up to $40 million in home sales this year.
This pitch deck helped a startup that decorates on-the-market homes with furniture for sale raise $3 million
Guest House lets shoppers purchase furniture out of for-sale homes via QR code. Founder Alex Ryden explains how he raised its first funding round.
A Silicon Valley realtor says the exodus from the region is overhyped — but that it's easier than usual to buy a house near tech campuses like Google
According to one Silicon Valley realtor, it hasn't been a mass migration as much as a shift in which Bay Area regions are popular.
TikTok helps agents sell luxury real estate faster and for more. It's not just for gasping at how the rich live
TikTok sells luxury homes. That's what glamourous realtors say as their videos of celebrity pads and enormous apartments get millions of views.
The Texas realtor who was pictured in the Capitol after taking a private plane to DC for Trump's rally has been arrested
Jenna Ryan claimed she didn't enter the Capitol, but video shows her in a large crowd entering the front door of the building.
Careers 2020-11-14T15:51:00Z
I'm a 36-year-old luxury real estate agent in Park City, Utah, where the market is sizzling and we're seeing a huge influx of Silicon Valley workers
Park City has luxury ski amenities and a small-town vibe, says Liza Story, who grew up there and says her work schedule is more hectic than ever.
Premium Executive Lifestyle 2020-09-10T12:30:00Z
Real estate agents make the most money in these 5 states
Real estate agents can make north of $100,000 annually, and earn the most money in 3 east coast states in particular, including New York.
Personal Finance 2018-12-14T15:33:00Z
I've been working in real estate for 7 years, and I have a warning for anyone trying to buy a home with help from their parents
Realtor Dana Bull says about half of her millennial clients get financial help from parents to buy their first home. Here's the advice she gives them.
I've been investing in real estate since I was 22 — here's why it's one of the best ways to build wealth
Dana Bull is a realtor and real-estate investor based in Massachusetts who believes real-estate investing is a great way to build wealth because it generates cash flow and appreciates over time. But it's not a get-rich-quick scheme — it takes patience and hard work.
Your Money Contributors 2018-02-08T16:54:00Z
I'm a realtor in Chicago — here are 8 things you need to know before buying your first home
Homeownership can be a form of forced savings, allowing you to build equity and net worth.
I'm a real estate agent and investor — here are my 8 best pieces of advice for first-time homebuyers
First-time homebuyers should make a real estate plan and build a good team of experts.
How to find the perfect real estate agent, in 4 steps
Finding the best real estate agent comes down to vetting their experience and ensuring they're ethical.
A realtor explains how to set yourself up as a homebuyer long before you ever start shopping
Part of being an excellent, prepared homebuyer is setting yourself up to qualify for a mortgage. Here's how you can get started.
A 27-year-old realtor who owns 8 rental properties reveals her best tip for becoming a real estate investor
Put time and effort into building relationships and you'll see a huge pay off.


Any business of any size needs a succession plan. In fact, some say, a small business needs a Succession Plan in mind and on paper before it opens its doors.
A Succession Plan is the formal process businesses use to assure the orderly and planned transfer of function, power, and accountability when executives or managers leave the company because of death, retirement, resignation, or other means.
Businesses succeed best when they have the right people in the right place. They have the talents needed for the company to meets its long and short-term strategic goals. So, planning for that continuity is vital.
Anticipated continuity: Some vacancies can be anticipated. For example, some people are on track to retire or to change positions or locations. Although the company has time to replace the talent, they need a plan to optimize that replacement process.
Internal continuity: If a business commits to promoting from within, it must have a process to identify and groom the potential talent. Any process should coach the candidates through training courses, skills seminars, mentoring shadows, and job rotations.
Recruiting continuity: Best practices hire new employees with potential to match or fill needs. The business must recruit talent that can replace or be developed to replace an incumbent who leaves or is expected to leave.
Financial continuity: Some businesses, like insurance, are built on financial structures that include equity and commissions. In such businesses, the Succession Plan must also spell out the process for resolving those contracted issues.
Start early: Succession planning should be part of your startup business plan. The presence of a Succession Plan will comfort lenders and investors from the start. It says you understand and support strong management practices. Absent a Success Plan, your business risks crisis management.
Identify roles: You must do more than list the critical company positions. The focus first goes to the executive level titles, but any manager or supervisor plays a critical organizational function. In the face of a talent shortage, every position becomes critical, so you need deep knowledge of job descriptions, accountabilities, and specific talents needed. BizMerlin's Skill Matrix is the kind of help that makes a difference.
Partner with employees: Management benefits from a Succession Plan that reflects employee input on duties, performance, and priorities. Employees benefit from participation in futures planning.
Consult stakeholders: You want to interview everyone who as an interest in or organizational connection with the role. You want to know what relationships they have with subordinates and peers, suppliers and customers, and teammates and bosses.
Study compensation: Compensation should not chase the job; it should not jump just to attract replacement. You don't want to trash your compensation schedule and package, so you need to revisit the compensation structure periodically to affirm that your business positioned to attract and retain the necessary talent.
Writing for Forbes, Stephen A. Miles warns of some common mistakes in succession planning.
Few of the most senior appointments are made internally. Leadership may find outsiders more exciting rather than stick with a low risk internal appointment. It creates a damaging paradox between the promises made to employees regarding internal career paths and the change of course once the opening arises.
It's naïve to think there will be a successor "ready now." If a successor is "ready," s/he will likely jump ship and go to the competition. You can't lock a "ready now" successor in place and waiting.
Succession planning is not a set of dominoes falling from the top down. Leaders are not a sequence. Best practices involve seeing the organization as a dynamic assembly needing reassembly from time to time.
Needs change as markets, products, and talent resources change, so you need to anticipate change. It's counter-productive to think there's no reason to re-invent the recruiting process. Fresh eyes may see new opportunities. The plan needs to anticipate appointing what it needs and not what it has had.
A Succession Plan aims to avoid the "sink and swim" approach to promotions and replacements. No one wins when someone is thrown in the frying pan to cook off the rough edges.
Ownership, leadership, and employees need to know how to succeed to a position. It's in everyone's interest that the processes, methods, and tools are established and clear. Employees appreciate knowing where they can be and how to get there.
So, the plan needs more than the sequence of steps. It must recognize the organization as an organism with ebbs and flows. And, it must provide the means to navigate the system.
Succession planning can be complicated if you let it be. There are templates, and principles you can follow. But, the real work lies in figuring out what you want and, to some extent, when you want it. Without a Success Plan, a business lacks some backbone and puts it and its stakeholders in jeopardy. In fact, planning succession is a great place to start planning the business.
How getting out of comfort zone is becoming a need of the hour?