text:
Queer 20s/30s LDN Chat
Minor side thread to the ongoing 20s & 30s / Queer Park Rebels Meetup soap opera. Last Monday 26/07/2021, I went out for a meal and a drink with CW, one of the lesbians from the group. Given that this was "the morning after" the so-called "coup" (not to mention dealing with the Hafyz situation), I was an emotional wreck.
Anyway, I was planning on keeping tight-lipped about the "coup". Although I was angry and upset about it, I did not wish to lay my cards on the table until I had decided what to do about it. My main reason for meeting CW that Monday evening was to discuss Hafyz. However, being an admin of the WhatsApp group, I was prepared for CW to bring up the topic of the "coup" and for me to dodge any questions.
During the course of the evening, CW told me that Caitlin (a group member) was previously convicted, and served time, for child sex offences. CW is a friend of Caitlin. CW would not usually tell anyone. But since I am a WhatsApp group admin, she felt that it was right that I should be made aware. Especially if the group is meeting in parks and open spaces where there might be children present. CW was considering the safety of the general public. She said that she believes Caitlin is a reformed person and will not reoffend deliberately. Her transitioning is allegedly a cover up.
I simply listened.
Since the "coup" had only happened the night before, my emotions were still raw. That morning, Jenny & I had performed an Instagram raid. Apart from continuing to watch the "What in the actual gay" WhatsApp group, I had not heard directly from the rebel admins. I did not know what their plans would be with me (although they had no idea of my part in the Instagram raid). I had alluded to Sam L about my personal stuff (Hafyz situation) as a ruse to buy me some time. Although I agreed that the Caitlin matter be taken into consideration, it was too early to say whether or not I would be staying on as an admin with the rebel group and what my role would be in this. There was no point in me mentioning anything to the others until I had clarified my role in the group. Which I still needed time for.
The morning after, Caitlin messaged me.
[09:56, 27/07/2021] Caitlin: Hi Rory Caitlin here, how are you?
I was keeping a low profile and maintaining my silence. There were a couple of members of the group (including Yasmin who had exchanged numbers with Hafyz) who messaged me. I was feeling too paranoid and vulnerable to respond immediately. I intended to put off responding to Caitlin until the following week. Once I had declared my true allegiance to Jenny in a way that would not cut me off from the park rebels. Once the drama died down.
Last night, I received the following messages from Jenny & CW.
Forwarded
[21:00, 02/08/2021] Jenny: Hi Jenny (please read this),
I hope you well, unfortunately the reason for messaging you is quite serious.
We've removed Caitlin from the group (all online chats, meetups and irl events) after it has come to light that she has been convicted and served time for child sex offenses.
We all thought it prudent you know and can take any action you see fit.
Can you just confirm you've seen this please.
[21:00, 02/08/2021] Jenny: Jesus
I was about to respond and tell her that CW already mentioned this to me last Monday. But I decided that Jenny did not need to know that I knew about it. I did not wish to get involved. The more information that I give away, the more involved that I become.
However, I gleaned that the "C" meant Claire. And that Claire had messaged Jenny. So ,not all bad beef. It is reassuring to know that despite all of the tension between Jenny, myself and the 4 rebel admins, Claire has at least contacted Jenny.
10 minutes later, I received the following messages from CW.
[21:10, 02/08/2021] CW: Hey Rory, it's C New number.
[21:12, 02/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Hey C thanks 😊 how are you doing?
[21:15, 02/08/2021] CW: I'm doing goog, what about you?
[21:16, 02/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Yeah not too bad thanks
[21:26, 02/08/2021] CW: I'm assuming you reported about Caitlin. I would really appreciate it if my name wasn't made public
[21:27, 02/08/2021] Rory Duffy: No, I didn't mention it to anyone 😔
[21:28, 02/08/2021] CW: I wonder who did then but I am glad my name won't be in it. I just don't want the aggro
Just as well that I did not mention to Jenny that CW had mentioned it to me last Monday! Again, I decided to withdraw from the conversation. It seemed that by messaging me and the other admins, CW was bringing about "aggro". At this point, I decided to hit the sack.
This morning, Of course, I found that this has exploded on the WhatsApp group. It was messy (see tabbed Queer 20s/30s LDN Chat).
What is my take on all of this?
Admins: completely out of sync with one another. Anna says that they are not going to write the reasons. Claire subsequently goes ahead and does precisely that!
Anna: "We're not going to write the reasons on here because of triggers"
Claire: "Caitlin has previously been convicted, and served time, for sexual offences.."
Claire: shit stirring.
"We strongly recommend avoiding interaction with the individual." > Claire has no idea how to address this topic and prefers to cover up by setting a judgemental and exclusionary tone for the group chat. Good one, Claire. 👍
"We would like to avoid drama and trigger topics apologies if this is triggering for anyone" > She has now!
"We don't want this to be a witch hunt." By saying that, Claire is doing precisely that: initiating a witch hunt. If we apply the rule of manifestation / Reverse Psychology.
"Please respect the admins here guys." > OK, wow. Claire has an even bigger stick up her arse than the other 3 admins put together.
"Thanks all 😊 please do contact us with any concerns" > Sure, I would be happy to raise concerns about the way in which the admins have handled this conversation. 😑
Members: of course, suck it up. It proves that they are clueless children who are incapable of looking after themselves and require babysitting.
"A huge shoutout to the admins who are selflessly trying to make this a safe space. Thank you ❤" > Safe space? Really? You only have to look at Mary's response.
"Yeah big thanks to the admins for looking out for us 🤗"
"Thank you for your hard work and consideration y'all - appreciate your efforts!"
Anna: completely out of control.
"Thanks. I'm sorry this is happening. That really sucks"
"Thank you guys also for raising concerns when you have them, and please keep doing it." > If you would like more examples of how poorly the admins manage sensitive topics, please continue bringing them to the WhatsApp group.
"We verified the information" > Through which source?
Sam L: completely useless.
"Okay that's enough of the conversation here please. Like Claire said we don't want this to become a witch hunt. We also want to reduce the amount of triggering content in the chat. So let's stop this discussion here, thanks" > Too late, Sam! By divulging this information on the WhatsApp group, Claire has effectively done the dirty deed: initiated a witch hunt! The seed already has been planted.
Lily: completely absent. I cannot fault her for this.
Jonathan: a voice of reason among the madness. 🙏
"Please can the source of this information be shared - I don't see what harm this would have - it would surely help to qwell any misinformation / gossip rather than encourage it, thanks"
"This is not how you handle a conversation"
"Saying someone has been banned and being very vague about it just encourages more questions etc"
"If the information is out there in the public why not just share it"
"But they posted this decision in the group"
"I won't be the only one with these questions"
"This is causing more speculation - please just share the link"
Yasmin:
"The conversation is over" > when it suits her, of course. Notice how Yasmin subsequently breaks that rule by continuing the conversation. And whenever someone else chips in, she asks them to PM the admins without respecting that rule herself. Double standards! LOL. 🤷♂
"Yes the decision. But noone wants to see triggering links in the group chat. Just PM one of the admins x" > who does she think she is, speaking on behalf of everyone else like that? Personally, I would love to see "triggering" links in the group chat. It is triggering enough for me to see the reason for this decision being disclosed yet the admins trying to shut down their own initiated conversation by not posting the original source materials.
Phil: "With respect admins, I'd agree with public sources being shared. Everyone is over 18 here. Pretty rude to just shut an innocent request down like that" > Thank you, my thoughts exactly. Admins, why not follow through what you started?
CW: "On a side note, and trust me I really DO NOT agree with what Caitlin has done, let's not dwell on it or gossip too much. It's horrendous enough without a load of messages with speculation etc. I'm sure that it's been reported on all necessary platforms etc" > Notice how CW would rather not have her name in it. But she subsequently plants her name in it! Kinda makes it obvious... 🤨
Mary: "Please just leave this conversation. I'm her friend and this is very triggering to see you guys initiate a witch hunt on her." > Poor Mary. Stating exactly what is happening here.
Cyrece: stepping up as an honourable diplomat / peacemaker.
Bish. Bash. Bosh.
What is Jenny's take on all of this?
[09:33, 03/08/2021] Jenny: Had you heard that info about Caitlin before?
[09:33, 03/08/2021] Jenny: I won't be banning her
[09:33, 03/08/2021] Jenny: Don't think it's reasonable
[09:33, 03/08/2021] Jenny: If she's served her time
[09:34, 03/08/2021] Jenny: And the group isn't for children
[09:34, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: 💯 agree Jenny
Again, no need to disclose to Jenny or anyone that I had heard that info about Caitlin before. All that I needed to do was agree with Jenny. Let the members decide! Why are the admins getting off on yet another power trip from babysitting adults who are incapable of looking after themselves?
This whole conversation is ridiculous. Another exercise in inflating the admins' already swollen egos! Another specular display of unprofessionalism. Another extenuated publicity stunt of how out of control and poorly coordinated the admins are at running a group. Let alone addressing a sensitive issue in a way that cultivates respect and trust among their members. What a complete and utter shit show.
"Community run" and "inclusive"
(as per Instagram)? Quite the opposite.
By disclosing the reason for Caitlin's removal whilst shutting down requests to publish source material, the admins are doing precisely the opposite of creating a safe space! Advocating a safe space yet preventing members from referencing precisely the information that might help protect them!
Oh, the irony. 🙄
[09:34, 03/08/2021] Jenny: And the group isn't for children
[09:35, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: "run by children, for children" 😂
[09:36, 03/08/2021] Jenny: Haha
I could not resist the "run by children, for children" comment.
Initially, I thought "OMG, Jenny might think that I am talking about her group". But no, Jenny understood perfectly what I meant. 😏
Last night, I pointed out to Jenny how the conversation (her presenting the facts of what happened with her Meetup group) does not need to happen in public. How funny, it is almost a prediction of what has happened here. 😓
From: Rory Duffy
Subject: Re:
Date: 2 August 2021 at 15:25:15 BST
To: Jennifer
20s / 30s Bucket 1 (226 participants). You could think about renaming this WhatsApp group as you are the sole admin. And keeping the group's settings to allow only admins to send messages to this group until Saturday's Meetup. As far as this message goes, it requires no response or follow-up from you or anyone — it is a statement, it stands on its own merits. If people wish to contact you regarding specific questions, they can DM you privately/separately. The conversation does not need to happen in public.
This morning, I am starting to think seriously about whether or not I wish to be associated with these amateurs (Anna, Claire, Lily and Sam L). It might start to damage my reputation.
I could go with integrity, make a dramatic statement on the WhatsApp group, outline my reasons and step down as an admin. But what would that achieve apart from creating more temporary drama and less options / leverage for me?
I have come to a conclusion. While I am still (somewhat miraculously) an admin on the WhatsApp group, I have some degree of influence and control. The other 4 admins must value my opinion to some extent (even if they are not asking for it). Either that, or they are scared of what I might do next. They did not see what happened on Saturday coming! Maybe keep them on their toes.
While I am an admin, I could always overthrow them completely. But now is not the time. Even if I did that now, it might make me unpopular among those poor clueless members. And where would that leave me? What would be the point of gaining control? While losing authority among members?
Apart from the fact that it would be stooping to their level. Influence is not won. It is earned. 01/10/21
For now, I will park that idea. For as long as I need them. And they need me.
Best wait until the time that there is enough dissent among the ranks and everyone eventually sees how incapable those admins are. Before resorting to such a drastic move.
Best keep them sweet. Doormat it for the time being.
For now, I am quite happy being self-appointed organiser on the Meetup page. Let the dogs chew on that bone for a while.
Control
Friend Zoning
Hafyz
[19:37, 02/08/2021] Caitlin: Best of luck everyone.
Caitlin left
[19:58, 02/08/2021] Cyrece: Anyone know why Caitlin left?
[20:00, 02/08/2021] +44: She's left all groups
[20:00, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: Probably best to ask her x
[20:01, 02/08/2021] Anna: The admin team asked her to leave. We're not going to write the reasons on here because of triggers, but if you want to know feel free to ask one of the admins
[20:02, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: Oh gosh. I hope it's not the same reason she was told to leave the other lesbian group 😳 I heard something previously.
[20:02, 02/08/2021] Cyrece: Thanks Anna. I did Caitlin but she hasn't replied, although she's read it.
[21:35, 02/08/2021] +44: This group has more drama than an episode of Eastenders… might start filming it!
[21:36, 02/08/2021] +44: Just need a cliffhanger I guess.
[21:47, 02/08/2021] +44: [gif]
[21:47, 02/08/2021] +44: [gif]
[22:21, 02/08/2021] Claire: Hi all, many of you have noticed Caitlin has left, after we asked them to leave the group and all in person events.
This decision was not taken lightly, and we feel the need to be open and honest. Caitlin has previously been convicted, and served time, for sexual offences.
We strongly recommend avoiding interaction with the individual.
We would like to avoid drama and trigger topics apologies if this is triggering for anyone
[22:29, 02/08/2021] +44: Oh god that's wild. Thanks for looking out for folks
[22:29, 02/08/2021] +972: Can I just ask
If she served time... Is that not her punishment enough?
[22:30, 02/08/2021] +972: Obviously I don't know the whole thing
[22:30, 02/08/2021] +44: Is it worth letting Jenny know? On Caitlin's Meetup page she's signed up to multiple groups and I think Jenny runs a few like the Ku Meetup and the speed dating. She's already been reported to the Meetup site
[22:31, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: No. He is peidophile. He likes children.
[22:31, 02/08/2021] +44: So was she open about this? I'm a bit confused to how it's been discovered.
[22:31, 02/08/2021] Claire: This message was deleted
[22:32, 02/08/2021] +972: Fuck
[22:32, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: There is information publicly available online.
[22:32, 02/08/2021] Claire: We don't want this to be a witch hunt.
All people they are connected with have been informed.
Please take this as information only and us as admins being being open and transparent
[22:34, 02/08/2021] +44: I went to support my friend who's transitioning and I think she's in that group too
[22:34, 02/08/2021] Giselle: Okay but can we please use her correct pronouns
[22:34, 02/08/2021] CW: On a side note, and trust me I really DO NOT agree with what Caitlin has done, let's not dwell on it or gossip too much. It's horrendous enough without a load of messages with speculation etc. I'm sure that it's been reported on all necessary platforms etc
[22:34, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: In the police the peidophile is referred to as a "dangerous and calculated man".
[22:35, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: *the police article
[22:36, 02/08/2021] Chloe: You're right, but I think she transitioned after that which is probably why the article is written that way
[22:36, 02/08/2021] +44: When was the article written?
[22:37, 02/08/2021] +44: I can't find it online.
[22:37, 02/08/2021] Chloe: The articles I'm seeing are from 2013
[22:38, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: And there is a more recent Twitter thread from 2020 of a girl detailing her horrible experience with him.
[22:40, 02/08/2021] Sam: Okay that's enough of the conversation here please. Like Claire said we don't want this to become a witch hunt. We also want to reduce the amount of triggering content in the chat. So let's stop this discussion here, thanks
[22:41, 02/08/2021] +44: Got a link?
[22:42, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: Won't share here as per admins.
[22:42, 02/08/2021] Sam: Thank you
[22:42, 02/08/2021] Claire: Please respect the admins here guys. We'd like this to be the end of the conversation
[22:49, 02/08/2021] +44: Night All xxx
[22:51, 02/08/2021] +44: A huge shoutout to the admins who are selflessly trying to make this a safe space. Thank you ❤
[22:51, 02/08/2021] +44: A huge shoutout to the admins who are selflessly trying to make this a safe space. Thank you ❤
[22:51, 02/08/2021] Cyrece: 👍🏾
[22:51, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: 🙏🏽🙏🏽
[22:52, 02/08/2021] +44: 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
[22:52, 02/08/2021] Malika: 💯
[22:53, 02/08/2021] Anna: Thanks. I'm sorry this is happening. That really sucks
[22:53, 02/08/2021] James: Yeah big thanks to the admins for looking out for us 🤗
[22:53, 02/08/2021] Anna: Thank you guys also for raising concerns when you have them, and please keep doing it.
[22:54, 02/08/2021] Claire: Thanks all 😊 please do contact us with any concerns
[22:56, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: Please can the source of this information be shared - I don't see what harm this would have - it would surely help to qwell any misinformation / gossip rather than encourage it, thanks
[22:56, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: The conversation is over x
[22:56, 02/08/2021] Anna: We verified the information
[22:34, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: In the police the peidophile is referred to as a "dangerous and calculated man".
[22:56, 02/08/2021] +44: Regardless of someone's behaviour, misgendering is a big no. A police report is not indicative of someone's correct pronouns. Please can we respect the pronouns that people ask you to use for them
[22:57, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: This is not how you handle a conversation
[22:57, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: Sally. There is information online stating that the name is fake. It is an alias. A disguise. So that people do not find out who they really are and what they did.
[22:57, 02/08/2021] +44: 👍🏻
[22:58, 02/08/2021] Anna: Guys please refrain from piling on. If you have any further questions please pm an admin
[22:58, 02/08/2021] Phil: With respect admins, I'd agree with public sources being shared. Everyone is over 18 here. Pretty rude to just shut an innocent request down like that
[22:58, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: Saying someone has been banned and being very vague about it just encourages more questions etc
[22:58, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: The admins said earlier that you can PM them if you have questions x
[22:58, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: If the information is out there in the public why not just share it
[22:58, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: But they posted this decision in the group
[22:59, 02/08/2021] +44: Omg just leave it now. She's done her time
[22:59, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: I won't be the only one with these questions
[22:59, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: Yes the decision. But noone wants to see triggering links in the group chat. Just PM one of the admins x
[22:59, 02/08/2021] Anna: Sorry, I'm not sure how we were being vague?
[23:00, 02/08/2021] Mary: Please just leave this conversation. I'm her friend and this is very triggering to see you guys initiate a witch hunt on her.
Anna changed this group's settings to allow only admins to send messages to this group.
[23:00, 02/08/2021] Anna: We are doing our best to avoid oversharing on a subject that is obviously very triggering. Surely you can understand that? As I said before, if you want more info you can pm one of the admins. We're not holding back anything from you here
[23:01, 02/08/2021] James: 👍
[23:01, 02/08/2021] Rita: Thank you for your hard work and consideration y'all - appreciate your efforts!
[23:01, 02/08/2021] +44: Mary I really wouldn't be friends with someone like that if they have done things.
[23:02, 02/08/2021] Rita: —> for admins :)
[23:02, 02/08/2021] Yasmin: There is no "witch hunt" Mary.
Your friend is a convicted peidophile who is using an alias name to disguise themselves so they don't get found out.
The admins have posted as they want to protect members of the group. And it is very good that the admins are protecting their members.
[23:03, 02/08/2021] Cyrece: Ok.
No one is initiating a witch hunt.
Yes her pronouns should be respected. But now it's time to respect the wishes of the admins who rightly have our best interests at heart.
If anyone has further questions just direct them towards the admins saving this chat with being filled with anymore chat on this particular topic. It's not an unreasonable request.
And people can be friends with whomever they choose. We are pro choice. End of this discussion pls.
[23:03, 02/08/2021] Jonathan: This is causing more speculation - please just share the link
[23:03, 02/08/2021] Anna: Thanks Cyrece
[23:03, 02/08/2021] Claire: Thanks Cyrece
[23:04, 02/08/2021] Anna: I'm putting the group on read only to let minds cool down a bit. Feel free to message us if you have any questions or concerns.
Caitlin joined via an invite link
Anna changed this group's settings to allow all participants to edit this group's info.
Anna changed this group's settings to allow only admins to edit this group's info.
Anna changed this group's settings to allow all participants to send messages to this group.
[21:00, 02/08/2021] Jenny: Hi Jenny (please read this),
[09:33, 03/08/2021] Jenny: Had you heard that info about CL before?
[09:34, 03/08/2021] Jenny: And the group isn't for children
[07:38, 02/08/2021] KD: Have emailed you the formal wedding invitation with timing details. Don't bother coming home next week, it's not really convenient to us or you either.
Oh dear! What has happened?
Clearly, my mum has reacted personally to something that I said on Sunday. She is flying off the handle. She is having another drama to attract attention. She needs professional help.
What was said?
I have a smart shirt and shorts set from Shein. I was planning on running it by my aunt. But of course, my parents jumped in first.
As predicted, they would start to control and dictate what I war for the wedding. Impressing upon me that it is a formal occasion. They would not even consider looking at the outfit that I was planning to run by my aunt.
They are blowing it out of proportion. Declaring my choice of outfit (which they have not even seen) as "a personal insult to my cousin who has been so nice to me". Talk about emotional blackmail!
Initially, I tried to disengage from it. But my mum brought up the topic again at the end of the call.
Maybe they know that I might simply go ahead and run it past my aunt anyway. They feel threatened.
Why was I planning on going home? When we spoke last Monday, 26/07/2021, I was emotionally, mentally and physically crippled. Both by the Hafyz situation and the alleged "coup". It was "the morning after". It was raw. I was processing everything that had happened over the weekend. My parents decided that I was unwell and needed to go home.
On Sunday, when we spoke, I was in a much better state. Saturday evening's Queer Park Betrayal had come off without a hitch. I was feeling on top of the world. Yet the plan was to go home on Sunday 8th August. Evening, since I am hosting Jenny's Green Park Meetup.
Last night, I had an audition for a possibly residency gig at Ku Bar. It was possible that the DJ promoter might need me for the following Monday 9th August. The plan was to hold off booking my train for another 24 hours and confirming once I knew what was happening with the audition.
We had an argument over FaceTime. They were doing what they do best. Controlling, dictating and emotionally blackmailing me. Of course, they said that it is in my best interests. I threw it back at them by suggesting that it was more in their best interests than mine. Maybe this is why my mum is reacting personally to something that I said.
Do I get on well with my older brother? Yes. My parents find him easier to raise than me. He is sensible, compliant and family-oriented. I am the "wild one". My brother finds my parents easier to deal with than me. Probably because he is more conventional.
Clearly, my parents are concerned with my emotional, mental and physical wellbeing. But, like Sonia said to me a year ago, they have a strange way of caring. Every weekend, I am going out. 3 or 4 nights consecutively. Drinking, partying and socialising. Photos are emerging on Facebook. My parents are using the platform to spy on me. They have been critical and judgemental of who I am now. They do not like how much weight I have lost since coming off medication last year. They use words like "weird" and "gaunt" to describe how I look. Even though I am at my happiest looking the way in which I look now. They should be congratulating and complimenting me!
Over the last 12 months, I have worked hard at it. Not only in the diet and exercise regime. But also in the wardrobe choices that I have made. My parents should be asking me "are you comfortable with the way in which you look?" Taking care of my mental health. Rather than imposing their own views and beliefs onto me. It should be an open conversation. "How do you feel?" At this point in my life, I have felt more confident in myself than I have ever felt at any other point in my life. Despite what they want to think of me. What I think of myself is important. Those Facebook photos are a reflection of my increased confidence.
A year ago, I would have never have had the confidence to pull off what I engineered on Saturday night. Distancing myself from my parents has played a part in my increased confidence. I am trying not to blame them. But getting out of that family environment and associated cycles of criticism and self doubt has helped.
Better update my privacy settings...
Do my parents know that I am queer? Yes. Are they accepting of it? No. This is something that I have realised only now. In theory, they say that they are. In practice, they are not. My mum shies away from talking about guys and relationships. My dad will not even engage with me at all. The fact that I had to come out twice because they conveniently forgot says a lot.
I am beginning to think that my parents are homophobic, transphobic and xenophobic. For example, their attitudes towards trans people. Branding them as "selfish". Asking me to date only British guys. Encouraging me to date girls.
The family environment is not accepting of who I am. It is a generational issue. They are too focused on what society thinks of me to focus on what I think of myself. Talking to them is starting to damage my mental health.
The above message from my mum says it all. Actually, I agree with her. It is not convenient for me to spend £50 on a GWR train ticket to put myself in a toxic environment for a few days. In which I am surrounded by discrimination and negativity. What is the point? No thanks.
My mum was even trying to dictate what train I take to Oxford. Travel the Saturday morning rather than directly from Friday's gig. Why should I? I am an adult. I can make these sorts of decisions for myself. Why should they take that personally? Yes my parents have booked a Travelodge. They have put a lot of thought into it. Well done. Presumably, they are expecting me to stay there with them. Another example of controlling, dictating and emotional blackmailing behaviour.
At least I know where I get it from. 😟
I might simply attend this wedding and disassociate myself completely from the family unit. Or not attend at all. I do not wish to be a part of a family unit that is so negative and discriminatory. My parents are not planning on attending the evening reception. I can always attend and not engage with them. What party poopers.
Just over a year ago, I was on the verge of saying to my cousin that I wished that I could substitute my parents with her parents.
[20:47, 17/05/2020] Rory Duffy: I can't stand the negativity of mum and dad
[20:47, 17/05/2020] Sonia: Yes I understand that Ror it must be a massive drain sometimes
[20:47, 17/05/2020] Sonia: Think that's why you have to make sure you get your own space
[20:48, 17/05/2020] Rory Duffy: At the wedding, honestly, I was so relieved when mum and dad left early,
[20:48, 17/05/2020] Sonia: But don't punish them at the same time
[20:48, 17/05/2020] Rory Duffy: And I could stay with [aunt and uncle]
[20:48, 17/05/2020] Rory Duffy: It was much more fun
It is wise to not see my parents until the wedding. I might even book my own accommodation in Oxford. Rather than have to stay with them and pander to their rules and regulations. Attend the wedding separately. Avoid my parents. I know that this is a little extreme. And it might cause upset and offence. But I feel like doing that. Disengaging from them. I could even ask my cousin to put me on a separate table from them. I would rather not have them watching me like a hawk throughout the entire wedding breakfast. I would rather sit with my cousins' cousins Anna & Nina. That would be fun.
On the other hand, I might simply not attend at all. Let my aunt, uncle and cousins understand the reasons why. I have stepped out of the family. Let them deal with the consequences.
Whatever. No point responding to that message. Or engaging with it. Unless I hear any different. The best thing that I can do is to continue living my life in London. I am getting better at caring a little less. Or not caring at all.
The wedding is in a month. No need to tell my aunt and uncle that I will not be attending. I can cross that bridge if and when we need to. I always have that option if I need it. I am in a stronger position than my parents. I am no longer relying on them. They are relying on me to attend the wedding. I should not feel under pressure to attend if I feel less comfortable. No hard feelings on my cousin. I will send a financial contribution towards the wedding gift. And explain to him what has happened with my parents. It would only be more embarrassing for them if I were absent.
There is no need to say anything right now. Let those words come from them! Let them do the manifesting! If my parents tell me not to attend the wedding. Cue the advice of my care coordinator (in response to the "I will not reply any other texts you will send"). And of my MH Champion (every time she has shown a person that she does not care whichever way, they come back). My response will be "fine!" Let them scramble. And be prepared for the possibility that they might not back down. Taking care of myself is the secret to not caring.
GaySociety have cancelled Saturday's picnic due to the weather forecast. Boo. Tracy has found someone else to perform at her party. Boo again. Well, in all fairness, AJ did say not to hold them to that date when I initially enquired about the date of the picnic. I took that risk by declining a music booking for in favour of a picnic. A picnic that was cancelled due to the rain. This year, summer has been crap and spring was completely non-existent. What should I expect?
Since I am trying to distance myself from the Queer 20s/30s London crowd for a week until the drama and hilarity subsides, I need alternative options for Saturday. I do not want to be sitting at home lying low. The only option that remains is attending ERD's birthday party. Which is something that I would like to do anyway. Since he has been supportive of me recently. The only issue is that ML is also attending. I feel uncomfortable around him. Not to mention triggered by WhatsApp groups at this point. Understandably so.
I have asked CB to RSVP on both of our behalves. A previous entry (Read More: Listening Place 4) explains how unreliable she can be despite her best intentions. I would rather not subject myself to disappointment by having to travel alone. By appointing her as spokesperson for both of us, I am putting myself in a less vulnerable position. If she cancels, she would be cancelling for both of us. Which would make it less likely for her to cancel. Safeguarded. ✅
Notice how I also tried to discourage CB from looking at the train times. Until she proposed booking in advance. Which I endorsed ("Cool"). I know her pattern of setting a precedent and subsequently bailing on it. Or committing to something, backing out of her own commitment (despite enforcing that commitment on others) and accosting me if I respond disappointed or not at all. I am learning how to manage my expectations. Let us see how this plays out. It might be worth thinking of something alternative to do this Saturday in case she does bail.
[11:21, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: GaySociety picnic has been cancelled and by this point, my gig client found someone else. 🙄
[11:21, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Are you going to ERD's on Saturday?
[11:32, 03/08/2021] CB: I think so I need to confirm nearer the time x
[11:33, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: OK, I'd like to go but would rather go if you are there. ML will be there and I might not feel comfortable around him. x
[13:06, 03/08/2021] CB: If we go to Brighton why not go early so we can go to the beach? And then last train home. I'd rather make a day of it! X
[13:06, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Yeah me too sounds good
[13:06, 03/08/2021] CB: Yay! I'll look up train times x
[13:07, 03/08/2021] CB: Shall we arrive for 11?
[13:07, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Sounds good, there are loads of trains though, we can just get open returns
[13:08, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: It's a piece of cake getting to/from Brighton/London, just depends on whether we go from Blackfriars (Thameslink - slow) or Victoria (Southern - fast)
[13:08, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: I guess Thameslink might be better for you as it goes through Dulwich
[13:09, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Train anorak lol 🤓 🔭
[13:14, 03/08/2021] CB: I know! I went to University there.
[13:14, 03/08/2021] CB: I need to keep it cheap and yes Blackfriars is cheaper. That ok?
[13:15, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Yeah thought so, me too, perfect!
[13:15, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: I can jump on at Elephant & Castle as it's near me
[13:15, 03/08/2021] CB: [image]
[13:16, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Yeah I thought so
[13:16, 03/08/2021] CB: I may buy a ticket in advance as it's cheaper x
[13:16, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Much cheaper on the Thameslink
[13:16, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Cool
[13:22, 03/08/2021] CB: It's actually better for me to go via east Croydon? X
[13:22, 03/08/2021] CB: I'll look at it x
[13:48, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: That's the Victoria train, I believe, the more expensive option
[13:49, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Let me know, if you could RSVP on behalf of both of us that would be amazing 🙏 I'm feeling a bit vulnerable around WhatsApp groups atm
[13:55, 03/08/2021] CB: Ok will doc
[13:55, 03/08/2021] CB: 'do' x
[13:55, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Thanks CB 😌
[13:58, 03/08/2021] CB: I hope to come on Saturday @ERD and Rory too! Xx
[15:26, 03/08/2021] ERD: Fab 💕
[23:56, 20/07/2021] Tracy: Long shot but are you still playing the sax and for hire … you played my party 2 years ago and was amazing 🙏
[08:12, 21/07/2021] Rory Duffy: Not a long shot at all, lovely to hear from you, Tracy! 😊 how have you been? Yes I am still playing sax for hire, did you have a date/time in mind so I can check if I am available?
[09:21, 21/07/2021] Tracy: Short notice …Aug 7th kicking off at 3pm
[09:22, 21/07/2021] Rory Duffy: Ahh... I think that I might be booked for a picnic that day, 😟
[09:26, 21/07/2021] Tracy: Oh bugger ….🥴
[09:29, 21/07/2021] Rory Duffy: Sorry, I will definitely give you a shout if anything changes 🤗
[08:43, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: Hi Tracy, how's it going? Do you still need a saxophonist for your party this Saturday?
[11:20, 03/08/2021] Tracy: Hey no I managed to get a singer this time but will contact you nearer the time next year as it's an annual
Bash x
[11:21, 03/08/2021] Rory Duffy: OK cool, glad you got it sorted 👌🙏 have a great one Tracy! 😃
Clearly, I do not fit into this family. I do not feel accepted for who I am. This is too stressful. I am not going. I have already missed one cousin's wedding this year, I do not think that it will hurt if I miss another's.
It will be much easier for everyone else if I am not a part of it. I am more than happy to send a contribution towards the wedding gift.
I knew that this whole thing would turn into another control trip. I would rather not have to go deal with that stress. So, please make your own arrangements, I do not need to be involved.
If they wanted me there, they might have invited me personally, not via my parents anyway. So, I do not think that they will mind.
Hafyz friend zoned me in front of a couple of my lesbian friends and said that the two of us needed boundaries etc. He made it sound like I had misunderstood stuff but the situations like him staying at mine etc is what couples do. He even said that we were on our 4th or 5th date. He was giving mixed signals. He said about me being on the spectrum which is why he dit not want to upset me. It was crappy.
This photo was all over the group chat.
Hafyz made me feel uncomfortable. I was too drunk anyway. I walked. I sent Jenny a dozen or so messages on my walk home from G-A-Y (see tabbed). I arrived home late and devoured an entire jar of pesto. 🙄
I basically left Hafyz with my lesbian sisters and Prosecco bottle and told him to get on with it. For the remainder of the weekend, he was messaging me and trying to call me but I was crying for 2 days. In the end, I asked him the money for the Prosecco and my hat back (which he still has). He apologised for being unsure of what he wanted. He said that we had both learned something from this experience. I was like "yeah sure, speak soon darling 😘"
Men!! 😤
Lesson: never trust a stranger with my personal property? 👌🤠
Sorry to hear, he sounds annoying and a waste of time! I hate it when men try to say that you have issues, too. Have I had any further contact with him?
That was it. Anyway, I sent the Last Message. 💁♂
We will see...
Men suck. And not in a good way!
Yes, they do that, too. 😉
[23:12, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: I'm in g-a-y balcony with Hafyz
[23:13, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: He says he's not up for relationship
[23:13, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: So I am letting him do whatever he wishes with me
[23:14, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: I'm feeling like he can have his way with me
[23:14, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: And I'm just letting him
[23:14, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: I can't kiss him or hug him
[23:14, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: But he can do the same to me
[23:15, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: Because he has been hurt in the past
[23:15, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: And …I should be looking after myself
[23:43, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: I walked Gurl
[23:44, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: Feel so good right nowhere
[23:44, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: *now
[23:44, 24/07/2021] Rory Duffy: The power 💥
So, it seems like Anna is doing our publicity for us (see tabbed)...
Hi everyone!
Just to alleviate any confusion. A Meetup page has been created for us all so we can continue to enjoy balmy Saturday afternoons out in Green Park. All admins are aware of this and Lily has scheduled in the event listings, which you can find here:
https://www.meetup.com/queer-london/
Please do sign up and if you would like to donate to keep the group running, please DM one of the admins who will happily direct you to the corresponding payment link (currently in the process of being set up).
I look forward to catching up with everyone soon!
Rory x
This message effectively proves:
I created the Meetup page for free.
The admins will be taking donations.
No-one is actually doing anything (except me).
Alternatively, should I lay claim to the responsibility of creating a Meetup page? Or should I simply say that a Meetup page has been created?
Just to alleviate any confusion. I have created a Meetup page for us all so we can continue to enjoy balmy Saturday afternoons out in Green Park. All admins are aware of this and Lily has already scheduled in the event listings, which you can find here:
[22:11, 03/08/2021] Cyrece: 🏳🏳 @Rory Duffy I'm holding up a white flag. I'm seeing you're reading all of these messages. Please can you come and explain??
[22:23, 03/08/2021] +44: "Whilst they remained admins of the group, micromanaging from some became a problem. A final email on Sunday 25th July made me question why I was tolerating borderline threatening messages (from one particular admin) when everything had been simple for years prior. It was at that point that I decided to remove all admins who I did not know."
Anyone know what this bit means? Sorry to drag this up again
Thank you, Alex. That would be Anna.
Maybe a quick:
Anna is hosting this Saturday 7th August. Hope you can all make it 🌈
Too late. They have created a duplicate Meetup page.
[03/08/2021, 20:45:47] Anna: All those who have received an email from Jenny, if you're wondering, it's about me
[03/08/2021, 20:47:41] Anna: Feel free to shoot questions on here
[03/08/2021, 20:48:14] Yasmin: Not received any email.
But is everything ok @Anna ? X
[03/08/2021, 20:48:19] +44: If fish don't have fingers why are they called fish fingers
[03/08/2021, 20:49:55] Anna: Yeah I'm quite amused tbh
[03/08/2021, 20:50:57] Anna: This is the food that would be if fish had fingers
[03/08/2021, 20:51:20] +44: It was just an update/post on meet-up page,
[03/08/2021, 20:51:20] Yasmin: The fish is shaped like a finger. It's a finger shaped fish
[03/08/2021, 20:51:55] +44: But fish don't have fingers they have fins
[03/08/2021, 20:52:12] Anna: Which is why you have to make it in the factory
[03/08/2021, 20:52:24] Yasmin: Yeah but the fish we eat is in the shape of a finger lol ( fish fingers)
[03/08/2021, 20:52:24] +44 7713 756671: Eh? It's just the way it's shaped in a factory.
[03/08/2021, 20:52:36] Yasmin: @Katie where has this question from ? 😂😂
[03/08/2021, 20:52:48] Yasmin: *question come from
[03/08/2021, 20:53:10] James: @Anna what happened? Also why is Jenny in the Queer 20s/30s group? 🤔
[03/08/2021, 20:53:18] Anna: Is she?
[03/08/2021, 20:53:41] James: On the meetup page under leadership team yeah
[03/08/2021, 20:54:31] +44: I'm just being silly
[03/08/2021, 20:54:42] Yasmin: 😂😂
[03/08/2021, 20:54:51] Lily: Well... It seems they've decided to go rogue with of our name and imagery...
[03/08/2021, 20:54:59] +44: The whats app group is different to the meet-up
[03/08/2021, 20:55:39] +44: There was a coup, and the meet up was split down the middle
[03/08/2021, 20:54:59] +44: The whats app group is different to the meet-up
[03/08/2021, 20:55:40] Yasmin: image omitted
And she's in her own team lol
[03/08/2021, 20:53:41] James: On the meetup page under leadership team yeah
[03/08/2021, 20:55:42] Anna: Yeah, so that's actually Rory's South London page that he rebrandes using our brand. That's unrelated to us
[03/08/2021, 20:56:56] Anna: I realize it is incredibly confusing, but there isn't much we can do about (voluntary or not) other people trying to sabotage this page
[03/08/2021, 20:57:00] James: image omitted
So this meetup page is unrelated to the WhatsApp group?
[03/08/2021, 20:45:47] Anna: All those who have received an email from Jenny, if you're wondering, it's about me
[03/08/2021, 20:57:00] +44: Goodness me what is going on
[03/08/2021, 20:57:07] Anna: Yeah...
[03/08/2021, 20:57:35] James: Took the logo and everything!!!
[03/08/2021, 20:57:40] Anna: Yup
[03/08/2021, 20:57:41] CW: @Anna Fill us in on the gossip! What was the email 😂
[03/08/2021, 20:57:55] Yasmin: Wait a minute. This WhatsApp group is called Queer 20s/30s though .
The old group is LGBT 20s/30s isn't it
[03/08/2021, 20:57:57] +44: !!
[03/08/2021, 20:57:00] James: image omitted
[03/08/2021, 20:57:59] +44: What I am confused apologies I am newbie here
[03/08/2021, 20:58:16] +44: Hey, if they started the meet-up group before what you gonna do
[03/08/2021, 20:58:38] Anna: This message was deleted.
[03/08/2021, 20:59:33] +44: Jenny's been organiser for years for LGBTQ+ 20s and 30s on Meetup but looks like they've changed the name.
[03/08/2021, 20:59:34] Anna: There is a lot of confusion but basically there's a page on meetup that copies our brand but it isn't us
[03/08/2021, 20:59:51] Anna: This is a separate meetup. A third party if you will
[03/08/2021, 21:00:13] +44: Report on meetup
[03/08/2021, 21:00:57] +44: Cannot use your branding without your consent
[03/08/2021, 21:01:33] Anna: lol sorry
[03/08/2021, 21:01:35] Yasmin: What's going on. Lol
[03/08/2021, 21:01:38] Anna: There was some PII
[03/08/2021, 21:01:42] Yasmin: I was reading and then it disappears lol.
[03/08/2021, 21:01:44] Yasmin: Oh ok
[03/08/2021, 21:01:44] CW: I was reading that lol
[03/08/2021, 21:02:12] James: I was still reading!!!
[03/08/2021, 21:02:28] Yasmin: Hmm... I got 3/4 of the way. Something about final email on the 24th July or something and finally removed from group.. don't know what happened next
[03/08/2021, 21:02:53] Anna: image omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:02:59] Anna: There you go
[03/08/2021, 21:03:29] Anna: Just removed the bit where my friend's email was showing
[03/08/2021, 21:04:00] James: Hmmm... interesting 😌
[03/08/2021, 21:05:23] Yasmin: Hmm. Well that is sad that things didn't work out. Sounds like misunderstandings and miscommunications.
[03/08/2021, 21:05:25] Cyrece: No mention of what she's been doing with the money and the questions raised regarding that
[03/08/2021, 21:05:30] Jaron: This message was deleted.
[So @Rory Duffy took the new logo and the new group name we all came up with, and rebranded his old South London gay group as Queers 20s/30s?]
[03/08/2021, 21:05:53] Yasmin: And that old group has 2k members already?!
[03/08/2021, 21:06:03] Cyrece: @Rory Duffy is on this chat
[03/08/2021, 21:06:37] Yasmin: GIF omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:05:39] Jaron: This message was deleted.
[03/08/2021, 21:07:15] Anna: Yes
[03/08/2021, 21:07:16] Yasmin: GIF omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:07:36] James: Omg I can't believe this..
[03/08/2021, 21:07:44] Yasmin: Is this good or bad?? I'm honestly confused now. Because he is still in the group ??
[03/08/2021, 21:08:08] Anna: We asked him to revert back but haven't heard from him
[03/08/2021, 21:05:53] Yasmin: And that old group has 2k members already?!
[03/08/2021, 21:08:24] Jaron: It's an old group hence the members. I saw the group on Meetup and assumed you all had created or rebranded an old group. But if it's Jenny and co. copying the new group name and logo, that's just petty and incredibly shady… So the new Queers 20/30 group I see on Meetup isn't by these new admins yeah? 🤦♂
[03/08/2021, 21:08:42] Yasmin: Oh wow.
[03/08/2021, 21:08:48] Anna: No unfortunately. The only official page is Instagram right now
[03/08/2021, 21:08:53] Cyrece: He does not seem the malicious or sinister type. I'm sure he has an explanation. Having said that a logo is first world problems
[03/08/2021, 21:09:40] Yasmin: @Rory Duffy whats the queer 20/30s group about? Is it for this WhatsApp group? X
[03/08/2021, 21:09:46] Jenna: I'm Reading Philosophy Now. A magazine I wanted to start a book group on actually. It's titled Modern Moral Problems. It doesn't have a section on online stuff. Maybe it should 😂
[03/08/2021, 21:10:01] +44: I'm new here and have not a clue what going on and what is said
[03/08/2021, 21:10:08] CW: @Rory Duffy is a nice guy. He doesn't always respond quickly because he likes to take time to respond to messages correctly. He probably isn't ignoring you
[03/08/2021, 21:10:27] +44: image omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:08:42] Yasmin: Oh wow.
[03/08/2021, 21:10:38] James: Something needs to be done! All the hardwork you guys are putting into this group is being stolen right from under us..
[03/08/2021, 21:10:50] Yasmin: Old group..
[03/08/2021, 21:09:46] Jenna: I'm Reading Philosophy Now. A magazine I wanted to start a book group on actually. It's titled Modern Moral Problems. It doesn't have a section on online stuff. Maybe it should 😂
[03/08/2021, 21:10:59] Cyrece: 🤣🤣
[03/08/2021, 21:13:02] +44: <attached: 00008180-PHOTO-2021-08-03-21-13-02.jpg>
[03/08/2021, 21:13:30] +44 left
[03/08/2021, 21:13:55] Anna: Yeah that's Rory's page
[03/08/2021, 21:13:57] +44 7541 419447: I am with you so so we have a meet up page as well? Apologise for asking dumb questions and thank you for patience 😅🙈
[03/08/2021, 21:14:14] Yasmin: There's no meetup page. Just Instagram x
[03/08/2021, 21:14:15] Anna: We don't have a page on meetup (yet!)
[03/08/2021, 21:14:15] James: We do not..
[03/08/2021, 21:14:47] James: So we're going to get one? 🤗
[03/08/2021, 21:14:53] +44: Why can't they just rename the group and create a new logo?
[03/08/2021, 21:15:25] James: 'Cause it's easier to steal someone else's than to create your own
[03/08/2021, 21:16:05] +44: I see, so I guess they want to draw out members so that they join the Meetup group. I don't know. Strange!
[03/08/2021, 21:16:26] CW: Let's not make claims until Rory has responded. There may be more to this than we know! Rory isn't malicious!
[03/08/2021, 21:16:39] Cyrece: 👍🏾
[03/08/2021, 21:17:11] +44 joined using this group's invite link
[03/08/2021, 21:17:24] Jaron: 👍 Hopefully it's just being transferred into the new group. We're just folks here for drinks in the park. No need to steal names or logos... 😂
[03/08/2021, 21:17:58] CW: Let's not jump to conclusions and give Rory a chance to respond without becoming overwhelmed with all of these messages and accusations! Anyone who knows Rory will know exactly what I mean and will understand that he isn't that type of guy
[03/08/2021, 21:19:09] Yasmin: 🙏🏽🙏🏽🍸🍹🍷
[03/08/2021, 21:19:28] James: OK I'll reserve judgement but the evidence does not look good
[03/08/2021, 21:20:34] Yasmin: @Anna where did the logo on this WhatsApp group come from exactly? X
[03/08/2021, 21:21:34] +44 7515 379171: I mean, apart from the money thing, does any of this matter? Be on the group you want, go to whatever events you want
[03/08/2021, 21:21:35] Jaron: Agreed, apologies for jumping the gun there. Makes much more sense if it's indeed just moving into a new group, with no shady stuff going on. Petty sabotage isn't cute :) x
[03/08/2021, 21:23:12] Anna: Sam made it
[03/08/2021, 21:23:35] Yasmin: Well yes, very true also.
None of this matters in the grand scheme of things.
The shit last night was actually fucked. But this today isnt worth stressing about. Perhaps it's annoying, frustrating or confusing IF there is copying/stealing of brands etc. But there are worse things in the grand scheme of things.
[03/08/2021, 21:24:05] Caro: I mean to be honest, I don't think he wanted any harm?
He is referring to this group and the right website and the right instagram. for this group.
Like in the end he is referring people to your work, as well as placing the meetups in green park at 2:30.
Obviously, things should be talked about, but in the end all he is doing with that queer meetup group is still supporting this group as it will direct new members on this chat. So maybe let him and the admins discuss and not jump into conclusions?
[03/08/2021, 21:24:42] Yasmin: *Is there a link to this WhatsApp group on that Queer 20s/30s Meetup page?*
[03/08/2021, 21:24:59] Jenna: Yeah I think it was the money thing that was the issue. And obtaining money under false information. So like if the venues don't charge. Or in fact money is obtained. Then it is actually a crime.
[03/08/2021, 21:25:25] Jenna: Aswell as the move Saturday to Sunday evening
[03/08/2021, 21:26:11] Jenna: :) you moral philosopher
[03/08/2021, 21:26:25] Yasmin: If there is a link to this WhatsApp group on the meetup page, then it's clear it's all linked.
But if there is no reference to the WhatsApp group then that doesn't make sene.
[03/08/2021, 21:26:27] Yasmin: *sense
[03/08/2021, 21:26:51] Caro: No need to directly yell at me ;)
[03/08/2021, 21:27:04] Yasmin: I'm not 💕
[03/08/2021, 21:27:14] Caro: there is a link in the main discription of the group referring to this group chat
[03/08/2021, 21:27:22] Yasmin: I was putting in bold because I realised like "shit this is the key question" lol
[03/08/2021, 21:27:48] Yasmin: Oooohhhh
[03/08/2021, 21:28:00] Jenna: Side note I wish there was an italics font
[03/08/2021, 21:28:36] Yasmin: _there is.._
[03/08/2021, 21:28:44] +44: _Dfff_
[03/08/2021, 21:28:47] Yasmin: 🤪
[03/08/2021, 21:28:57] +44: Italics. Tadaaaa!
[03/08/2021, 21:28:57] Jenna: Ahhh. Amazing. The literary potential
[03/08/2021, 21:29:13] HZ: I don't know much about the Meetup website requirement or politics, but why haven't we made a Meetup page yet? I bet most of us will be willing to donate another fiver to support the new page.
We have many active WhatsApp groups, an Insta page, a Signal & a Discord group. Members already know each other and the meetups have a nice friendly atmosphere. Most of us found this group via the original Meetup page. Without a Meetup page, it will be harder for new members to join and it will only be via word-of-mouth.
Having active admins, members, and social media is the hard bit but we've already done that. A Meetup page, however, is what gives this group legitimacy in my opinion. People would be able to find out about the activities here vs Jenny's meetup and go to whichever one they prefer. What Jenny's doing in my opinion is warning the thousands of members on her Meetup page to avoid joining/going to an event organised by 'controlling' admins with 'threatening' behaviour.
[03/08/2021, 21:29:19] Yasmin: @Jenna use the underscore before and after for italics
[03/08/2021, 21:29:22] Jenna: Haha your saved on my phone as woofus
[03/08/2021, 21:29:35] Jenna: Thank you
[03/08/2021, 21:30:59] +44: Seriously everyone this is just a meet up in a park, I get it takes some sort of organisation but it's a a WhatsApp group and people in a park. I think everyone is going a bit over the top. No one owns green park.
[03/08/2021, 21:31:54] +44: Bring back Mubin! 🤣
[03/08/2021, 21:31:58] CW: On a side note, @Caro, @Curtis and I really enjoyed chatting to you at the weekend. Would it be okay to DM you?
[03/08/2021, 21:33:15] +44: Personally I don't think taking our graphics/logo/name is a good thing because we still haven't cleared up the money side of things, and so new people will be joining both groups not knowing which is which? Taking other people's logos isn't a massive issue no but it is annoying as it will confuse people - I think we need the two separate groups to be clearly separate, which they aren't atm (which is not our admins fault!!)
[03/08/2021, 21:33:25] Mary left
[03/08/2021, 21:34:15] Caro: For sure!
[03/08/2021, 21:34:50] +44: What happened to admin Mubin? What a geeeeezerrrr!!
[03/08/2021, 21:35:13] Jenna: Aw I never met him. April newbie
[03/08/2021, 21:30:59] +44 7407 703002: Seriously everyone this is just a meet up in a park, I get it takes some sort of organisation but it's a a WhatsApp group and people in a park. I think everyone is going a bit over the top. No one owns green park.
[03/08/2021, 21:35:17] HZ: It is now. Give it a few months of this behaviour and people will start dissipating. By winter the group attendance will go down to 10-15
[03/08/2021, 21:36:09] +44: Oh my this is super confusing!
[03/08/2021, 21:36:44] +44: luckily I'm colour blind so the branding confuses me anyway
[03/08/2021, 21:36:58] +44 7515 379171: You think this is confusing wait till you see TeneT
[03/08/2021, 21:37:19] +44: GIF omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:37:23] HZ: I've noticed that since the original Jenny incident, the normal chatter on this group is way down... unless there is drama like this one
[03/08/2021, 21:36:58] +44 7515 379171: You think this is confusing wait till you see TeneT
[03/08/2021, 21:38:03] +44: 😂😂😂 omg haven't seen it but heard some things lol ill stick to Inception then
[03/08/2021, 21:37:23] HZ: I've noticed that since the original Jenny incident, the normal chatter on this group is way down... unless there is drama like this one
[03/08/2021, 21:38:08] Yasmin: A new meetup page could be helpful rather than just this WhatsApp group and the Instagram page. I _think_ the admins of this group were going to make a meetup page at some point, but not sure
[03/08/2021, 21:30:59] +44: Seriously everyone this is just a meet up in a park, I get it takes some sort of organisation but it's a a WhatsApp group and people in a park. I think everyone is going a bit over the top. No one owns green park.
[03/08/2021, 21:38:10] Anna: It's not just the park actually, there's quite a lot of people who organize things on the side and on the secondary "cardinal" WhatsApp groups
[03/08/2021, 21:36:09] +44: Oh my this is super confusing!
[03/08/2021, 21:38:29] +44 7538 006561: To think I met @Andrew when it was simply going to a park for a few tinnies… poor guy gets confused! We'd never have met with this carnage
[03/08/2021, 21:38:37] +44 7397 529931: Ngl I left the older group cause it was daily drama and just joined this one to the same 😶
[03/08/2021, 21:38:51] Anna: It is important to have people administering the various groups and who are able to intervene when there's incidents like what happened yesyersay
[03/08/2021, 21:38:54] Anna: Yesterday
[03/08/2021, 21:39:08] Yasmin: @Anna will there be a new meetup group set up for this group? X
[03/08/2021, 21:39:30] +44: No bloody clue of what is going on in here
[03/08/2021, 21:39:46] Anna: If you guys think it's important we'll create one yes
[03/08/2021, 21:39:59] +44: Dont it's a great film and is def worth the watch
[03/08/2021, 21:40:06] +44: Hahaha might start my own meetup… another coup!
[03/08/2021, 21:40:22] +44: Newbie here getting deeper and deeper confused
[03/08/2021, 21:40:50] Yasmin: @Anna you could use this site to do a poll. See what people would want? Just an idea x
https://www.poll-maker.com/
[03/08/2021, 21:41:00] Cyrece: We can always take the higher ground and pick a new logo if @Rory Duffy isn't changing his.
[03/08/2021, 21:41:15] Anna: Yeah it just sucks for Sam who put work into it
[03/08/2021, 21:41:17] Yasmin: <attached: 00008256-PHOTO-2021-08-03-21-41-17.jpg>
[03/08/2021, 21:41:25] Jenna: Yeah sub groups and meetups often occur sprung from this WhatsApp. I been to more of those than park meets. So it's a great thing to have :) so it's definitely not all drama. A lot of nice spontaneous things have bloomed too
[03/08/2021, 21:41:50] Cyrece: Yeah I get that. But the last thing we need if to single out @Rory Duffy over a logo
[03/08/2021, 21:41:55] Hazem Rizk: It's never about the logo, the old one was a bus
[03/08/2021, 21:42:32] Cyrece: Our logo can be the EastEnders map
[03/08/2021, 21:42:36] Cyrece: GIF omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:42:44] Cyrece: Or man eating popcorn
[03/08/2021, 21:42:55] Cyrece: 🤣
[03/08/2021, 21:43:00] +44: Ahh can we make Pancho Chief Admin ?
[03/08/2021, 21:43:14] +44: GIF omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:43:36] +44: ~Money ~ logo
[03/08/2021, 21:44:20] +44: What happened to Jenny, why had she created her own group?
[03/08/2021, 21:44:20] +44: What happened to Jenny, why had she created her own group?
[03/08/2021, 21:44:59] Yasmin: Check the LGBT 20s/30s meetup page. She posted her version of events there. Probably easier for you to read that x
[03/08/2021, 21:45:24] Anna: We decided to split off from jenny's meetup group to keep the park events running
[03/08/2021, 21:45:35] Lily: It's not about a logo, it was a never about a logo.. it's literally because we just were a bunch of happy queers in the park and Jenny, after literally going AWOL for months went "well I don't want you guys to meet at the park on Saturdays because then no one is going to come to my Meetup on Saturdays". And then there's the whole donations thing
[03/08/2021, 21:45:53] +44: At least Jenny knows you can't make everyone happy, so she focuses on Little Ku event. Move on, discussion about the Jenny's will not bring more members here. Let's just focus what more joy we can bring to people here, such as the park and random outings.
[03/08/2021, 21:46:29] Lily: Yeah she focuses on getting donations for her events and getting the park Meetup shutdown for no reason 😂😂😂
[03/08/2021, 21:47:04] +44: To be fair to Jenny… you seen the cost of just having a meetup group? And she hosted regular speed dating events etc
[03/08/2021, 21:47:05] Anna: Jenny made a statement that was sent to many of us, so I'm answering questions. That's all
[03/08/2021, 21:47:11] Lily: She literally tried to *forbid* us from meeting at the park on Saturdays like she owns green park lol
[03/08/2021, 21:47:44] Yasmin: The money thing was a bit odd though hmmm. I noticed that there were the messages about donations and then 2 days later everything kicked off and the group split.
[03/08/2021, 21:47:57] +44: Where is Jenny's statement on the website?
[03/08/2021, 21:48:16] +44: She regularly asked for donations to cover the monthly subscription fee from Meetup.
[03/08/2021, 21:48:24] Lily: Which she charges for. And yes trust me, the other admins are perfectly aware of how much running the meetup costs,.and just wanted some transparency for those who made donations 😬
[03/08/2021, 21:48:27] +44: I love our park events, just worry this Jenny drama will be the focus for all the upcoming events…and this will only push people away…
[03/08/2021, 21:48:41] Yasmin: Anna shared screenshots here earlier. If you click on this WhatsApp group and check Media , you can see the screenshots x
[03/08/2021, 21:48:54] +44 7515 379171: GIF omitted
[03/08/2021, 21:48:27] +44: I love our park events, just worry this Jenny drama will be the focus for all the upcoming events…and this will only push people away…
[03/08/2021, 21:49:23] Anna: The drama is happening whether you want it or not, because of that email that was sent to everyone.
[03/08/2021, 21:49:50] Lily: Ultimately it would be great if everyone could move in from Jenny.
The reason we are still here is because much like everyone else in this group, the admins literally just want to be happy queers in the park. We're not running an enterprise. We just want to provide a platform for people to hang out with no drama ! ♥
[03/08/2021, 21:50:01] Lily: *move on
[03/08/2021, 21:50:03] Anna: I would rather hash it out and move on, rather than have this thing floating around and people wondering what's going etc
[03/08/2021, 21:50:16] HZ: Why haven't we started our own Meetup page yet Anna?
[03/08/2021, 21:47:04] +44: To be fair to Jenny… you seen the cost of just having a meetup group? And she hosted regular speed dating events etc
[03/08/2021, 21:50:17] Natasha: We are aware and we think it's likely more was raised and are looking into this. The main issue is that people donated thinking we would keep running similar things to what we have been running (i.e park Meetups) and were then told we could no longer run them
[03/08/2021, 21:50:56] Yasmin: I think a new meetup page to distinguish this group from the other groups could potentially be helpful also. So it's like starting fresh. Not sure what others think though x
[03/08/2021, 21:51:04] Natasha: We are trying to work out what to do with the page that has been set up using the name/logo we created before we do so
[03/08/2021, 21:51:08] Lily: We were about to, @Rory Duffy decided to randomly take our new name and imagery and apply it to his and Jenny's meetup which is very weird
[03/08/2021, 21:51:19] Anna: We might, considering popular demand. But depends on the price
[03/08/2021, 21:52:56] Lily: We currently discussing all this but like Natasha said, were trying to see what the best course of action to avoid further confusion because they're using this name and imagery for their own events which is very very strange and unnecessary
[03/08/2021, 21:53:12] HZ: I think you can get some donations from Saturday's meetup if the page is to go up
[03/08/2021, 21:53:32] +44: Ummm…. Is the now bucket 1 which was the group I've been in forever … the actual group?
[03/08/2021, 21:53:57] HZ: I completely get that. But we literally came with a new name and logo in a day after Jenny's incident
[03/08/2021, 21:54:06] Anna: Yeah bucket 1 is now jenny's whatsapp
[03/08/2021, 21:54:24] Lily: That's what we're saying. They took it lol.
[03/08/2021, 21:54:43] Lily: And for some reason made me an admin of their meetup but won't even reply to my messages
[03/08/2021, 21:55:04] HZ: My point is that we can come up with new ones and post them to the Meetup page before someone does it again
[03/08/2021, 21:55:15] +44: i can help make a new new logo and stuffs if needed 😊
[03/08/2021, 21:55:24] Yasmin: Awh ok, yeahh I understand. It is strange that there hasn't been any communication about the logo/imagery/brand situation. I can see in this WhatsApp group that @Rory Duffy is an admin. So I take it there's not been any communication from him with the other admins in this group x
[03/08/2021, 21:56:00] You're no longer an admin
[03/08/2021, 21:56:14] Lily: Thanks for flagging that, actually fixed now
[03/08/2021, 21:56:32] +44: I'm a bit confused - saw that the name of this chat changed to queers 20s-30s a week ago but didn't think much of it. Is this not the same group that I came to via the Meetup description a few months ago anymore? I don't think I saw an announcement about it changing
[03/08/2021, 21:57:24] Cyrece: So I've messaged @Rory Duffy asking if he's going to change the logo back.
[03/08/2021, 21:57:25] Natasha: We didn't expect that someone would use the logo/imagery without our consent, thats all. But understand we may need to now come up with new branding, we are thinking about it
[03/08/2021, 21:58:25] +44: Report to meetup they will sort it. @Anna @Lily @Sam
[03/08/2021, 21:58:49] Lily: We decided to split up so we could continue running the park meetups as the previous admin decided they didn't want to do that, even though they rarely personally showed up to events. That's all :)
[03/08/2021, 21:59:18] Yasmin: Ohh! You removed him as admin lol
[03/08/2021, 21:59:35] +44: Ah ok thanks!
[03/08/2021, 21:59:56] Lily: Lol yeah 😂 everything is really bizarre
[03/08/2021, 22:00:00] +44: Why not all agree for park meetups earlier in the day then move onto little Ku/ clubs for those around? Was great when we worked like that in the summer
[03/08/2021, 22:00:15] Lily: That's what we told Jenny and she said no
[03/08/2021, 22:00:42] Yasmin: Definitely 😂😂
Hopefully tomorrow evening will be more calm 🙏🏽This is 2 nights in a row of bizarreness!
[03/08/2021, 22:00:51] Cyrece: <attached: 00008317-PHOTO-2021-08-03-22-00-51.jpg>
He's not answering 🤷🏾♀🤷🏾♀ Hopefully he's changing the logo...
[03/08/2021, 22:01:10] Yasmin: Cute kid x
[03/08/2021, 22:00:00] +44: Why not all agree for park meetups earlier in the day then move onto little Ku/ clubs for those around? Was great when we worked like that in the summer
[03/08/2021, 22:02:59] Lily: This is *exactly* what all the other admins said to Jenny and she said she didn't like that idea and proceeded to remove us from the admin group etc..
We shared the concerns of all the other members who made similar suggestions and in plain English she said she was going to do it her way and didn't want us to meet at the park. We were met with an incredibly hostile response which was of course very very strange and just thought we'd carry on organising the park meetups, die to popular demand
[03/08/2021, 22:04:09] +44: Which is why I think it's not ok our logo has been taken and will be associated with a group that we can't verify where the money is going to 🤷🏼♀
[03/08/2021, 22:04:21] Lily: This was never supposed to be a fight of any kind and we were all very shocked to suddenly be kicked out of the meetup we spent the last few months hosting when Jenny did not show her face and actually told us she just expected the meetup to run herself without her having to show
[03/08/2021, 22:04:27] Lily: This is another major issue
[03/08/2021, 22:04:41] +44: So has the lgbt 20-30s group rebranded as queer 20s-30s?
[03/08/2021, 22:05:41] Lily: We broke away so we can continue hosting the park meetups and out of respect also adopted a different name, which Jenny and Rory are now also using to adverse their events - again, very bizarre 😬
[03/08/2021, 22:05:44] Cyrece: Has anyone thought about a Twitter page? Twitter is a good way to drum in newbies
[03/08/2021, 22:06:18] +44 7515 379171: Carrier pigeon
[03/08/2021, 22:06:25] Cyrece: May even be better than Meet Up as millions use Twitter
[03/08/2021, 22:06:56] Lily: *advertise
[03/08/2021, 22:07:37] Yasmin: Millions use Facebook also, so could equally use Facebook
But I think meetup is specifically for meet up groups, so that's where its unique
[03/08/2021, 22:08:21] Jenna: I'm allergic to Twitter. It has the same colour logo as The Tories. And I am only a paid Tory Party member for the reduced prices drinks and free bar tab to a certain amount for my own funeral... (The Tories own more pub clubs)
[03/08/2021, 22:08:38] Yasmin: If I'm looking for a group to join, I would check what groups exist on meetup. Facebook also do groups.
Didn't know Twitter did groups though
[03/08/2021, 22:08:58] Yasmin: LOL
[03/08/2021, 22:10:22] Lily: Guys don't worry about this for now, we'll keep you posted.
Just now we'll continue to be happy and chipper waiting for you in the park every Saturday ❤
We'll keep you posted of any news or changes :)
The only purpose of this group and it's admins is to provide a community and safe space to all our queers.
We are not the breakaways or the anti-Jenny's, we are just the same old group that have been welcoming you in the park in the past so in that regard, nothing's changed 🌈🌈🌈🌈
[03/08/2021, 22:10:35] Yasmin: 💕🙏🏽💕🙏🏽💕🙏🏽
[03/08/2021, 22:10:42] Jenna: Yeah. I been to some labour ones. And one bar didn't even have windows. It was like a prison... And they are fewer between. I only seen one lib dems one and no green party pubs :/
[03/08/2021, 22:11:00] Cyrece: 🏳🏳 @Rory Duffy I'm holding up a white flag. I'm seeing you're reading all of these messages. Please can you come and explain??
[03/08/2021, 22:11:30] Yasmin: This is a really lovely message 🙏🏽❤
[03/08/2021, 22:11:42] Cyrece: God willing I'll be there this Saturday 😀
[03/08/2021, 22:11:54] Lily: And thank you all for being so kind and supportive over the last week
We want this to continue to be a safe space for all the new gaybies and don't want this weird drama to scare them away
[03/08/2021, 22:12:16] Yasmin: 💕🙏🏽
[03/08/2021, 22:12:44] Jenna: https://youtu.be/-1pMMIe4hb4 are you sure you're not actually holding Kate Bush @Cyrece and she is dancing most spectacularly
[03/08/2021, 22:13:30] Cyrece: I don't understand this @Jenna
[03/08/2021, 22:14:06] Jenna: She's like a white flag in this video. She has a white dress on and dances like a flag
[03/08/2021, 22:14:11] +44: It scare me as a new gaybie whose have never attend any meet up in green park ever 😭
[03/08/2021, 22:14:29] +44: All this text is so confusing
[03/08/2021, 22:15:36] Cyrece: Believe it or not, the meet ups are actually a good laugh and pretty drama free. You've just joined during a weird full moon type time
[03/08/2021, 22:18:14] Anna: There tend to be drama on WhatsApp groups because people blow things out of proportion
[03/08/2021, 22:18:34] Anna: The park meetups are very chill and friendly indeed and you should definitely check it ou
[03/08/2021, 22:18:37] Anna: t
[03/08/2021, 22:18:53] Jenna: _there's always room for Kate Bush_ in an internal reflection I was probably thinking about songs to play at my funeral. Haha. She ist oneth
[03/08/2021, 22:19:00] Anna: I will be hosting on Saturday btw
[03/08/2021, 22:19:57] Jenna: Yay. I look forward to seeing what food snack you bring. May I recommend Caffe Concerto opposite The Ritz for the cake :D
[03/08/2021, 22:20:23] +44: Its more drama than dynasty. I fully expect all the admins to be wearing joan collins esque shoulder pads
[03/08/2021, 22:20:26] Anna: Let's take it easy on the Ritz jokes please.
[03/08/2021, 22:20:29] Lily: I'm very sorry it's so chaotic this week, promise it's genuinely not how the meetups go
[03/08/2021, 22:21:07] Lily: I don't think that was a Ritz joke 😂
[03/08/2021, 22:21:24] Jenna: I'm not joking. It's a wonderful cake chain and reasonably priced :) there was no hidden agenda. Just location.
[03/08/2021, 22:21:27] Lily: Me on eBay rn
[03/08/2021, 22:21:39] Jenna: Haha
[03/08/2021, 22:21:46] Anna: Oops, sorry about that lol
[03/08/2021, 22:22:04] +44: I will defo try
[03/08/2021, 22:22:12] Jenna: I have a leopard top with shoulder pads if you wanna borrow @Lily
[03/08/2021, 22:22:22] Lily: Tempting
[03/08/2021, 22:22:54] Jenna: It's ok. I recommend the pistachio gateux
[03/08/2021, 22:23:02] +44: "Whilst they remained admins of the group, micromanaging from some became a problem. A final email on Sunday 25th July made me question why I was tolerating borderline threatening messages (from one particular admin) when everything had been simple for years prior. It was at that point that I decided to remove all admins who I did not know."
[03/08/2021, 22:23:20] Cyrece: Leopard and shoulder pads should not be mixed 🤣🤣
[03/08/2021, 22:23:54] +44: There was drama at one meetup when @Andrew played never have I ever 🤣🤣🤣 Nearly injured myself falling off my chair in stitches
[03/08/2021, 22:24:56] Jenna: I have you know it goes wonderful with black leggings and a snake silver bracelet I own. I'm gonna wear it now myself sorry @lsm. I'm making a stand on regards to fashion
[03/08/2021, 22:25:00] Yasmin: https://youtu.be/DFMEBquxeO8
Song of the day 👯🏽♂👯🏽♂
[03/08/2021, 22:25:04] Anna: I truly do not know. Everyone from the team has been really nice with Jenny up until she decided to start culling people from the WhatsApp groupa
[03/08/2021, 22:25:29] Lily: We've been wondering the same.
No idea to be honest.
Funnily enough, screenshots will show the first admin she removed was @Anna who she most definitely knows and is basically the face of this meetup because Jenny just cba
[03/08/2021, 22:25:57] Cyrece: Ok. Tell me when so I'm not walking with you. 🤣
[03/08/2021, 22:26:09] +44: That's nuts 🤯
[03/08/2021, 22:26:12] Lily: We are not worried at all whatsoever about any of these accusations. We went be dragging her through the mud but we genuinely have the full WhatsApp conversation and it's something
[03/08/2021, 22:26:36] Lily: Wow ok queen seems unfair but alright. 😔
[03/08/2021, 22:27:14] Lily: *won't
[03/08/2021, 22:27:29] Jenna: I have an original blue velvet coat from the 70s with shoulder pads you would look dashing in though
[03/08/2021, 22:29:31] Lily: We know you guys know who we are, you know we're there for you, and you know we show up! So, this is all that matters, and thanks for the trust you've deposited in us 🌈
[03/08/2021, 22:29:46] Jenna: Pscht. Grace Jones would be a fan. An excellent example of shoulder pad outfits.
[03/08/2021, 22:29:56] +44: (I have nothing to add other than I hope you admins catch a break soon because _jeez_)
[03/08/2021, 22:30:20] Cyrece: That's Grace Jones 🤣
[03/08/2021, 22:30:24] Lily: If you have any further questions about any of this stuff it would be great if you could message kne of us directly to minimise the amounts of overwhelming info at newbies LOL
[03/08/2021, 22:30:37] Lily: Thank you 😭
[03/08/2021, 22:30:47] Jenna: I looove Grace Jones. I was sexually assaulted in Soho the night before seeing her. It was mild. So I actually have to say I prioritised Grace Jones above reporting it
[03/08/2021, 22:31:03] Cyrece: ...
[03/08/2021, 22:31:03] Jenna: Yes it is :)
[03/08/2021, 22:31:15] +44: Thanks guys for being so transparent 🙏
[03/08/2021, 22:31:51] Yasmin: 😞
[03/08/2021, 22:32:12] Yasmin: Hope you're ok x
[03/08/2021, 22:32:37] Jenna: It was. Seeing Grace Jones. Once in a lifetime. Reporting sex crime again. Oh I can do that Monday. How horrible is that of society. Not the police. People. Egh not once in a lifetime
[03/08/2021, 22:33:25] Cyrece: Babes, are you ok? Not sure why you're putting this on here. Not like you.
Will message you.
[03/08/2021, 22:33:31] Cyrece: Good night all ❤
[03/08/2021, 22:34:13] Jenna: Yeah I went through a really bad one that was nine year sentence. This was nothing for myself. But that's because I went through worse. For someone else it could of been really bad. But I was hardened early
[03/08/2021, 22:35:31] Yasmin: Fuck. I am sorry you went through that. There really are some evil bastards in this world..xx
[03/08/2021, 22:39:52] Jenna: It's ok. Was a long time ago ... And I was lucky on prosecution. Yeah they are. But with time of healing and now studying to be a counseller. I would still offer therapy. I carry no hate. But that's what healed me :) aswell as lovely people.
[03/08/2021, 22:42:33] Yasmin: I am only 2 months into my investigation. No idea where it will go. Just have to wait. I am glad your case went well and you got a prosecution. Very lucky. But again really sorry that you went through that in the first place. It's really amazing that you are doing well now after time of healing 💕 xx
[03/08/2021, 22:47:45] Rob: video omitted
[03/08/2021, 22:55:43] Jenna: Good luck with the prosecution and thank you on congrats for the healing. I hope you do too xx
[03/08/2021, 22:57:16] Yasmin: Thank you Jen. That means a lot to me xx
[03/08/2021, 22:57:53] Jenna: Oh ma gahd. Thank you to Yasmin AND Woofus for teaching me _italics_ tonight. I now also learnt ```I am a robot``` font yay
[03/08/2021, 22:59:13] Yasmin: 😂 x
[03/08/2021, 23:00:36] Jenna: We all deserve to heal Yas. It's illegal for a reason xxx
[03/08/2021, 23:10:58] +44 left
[03/08/2021, 23:20:58] Seyi: The drama never ends recently
[03/08/2021, 23:34:23] Jenna: Too infinity and beyond. I'm selling tin foil for 49p a roll. You can have a whole space suit. Joking. Tbh some of it has been needed. Yesterday's was. The idea of money fraud. These are big topics to me. Not drama. Just very real. Especially in account of yesterday's. Which I am greatful to be flagged about as the next one. Both crimes in fact. Which is not drama. Just real :/
[04/08/2021, 00:24:32] +44: Wow 😬 a lot has happened
[04/08/2021, 00:38:38] Lily: https://www.meetup.com/queer-london-20s-30s
[04/08/2021, 00:38:50] Lily: Please join us on meetup.com :)
[04/08/2021, 00:42:33] +44: Done 👍
[04/08/2021, 00:58:38] Rory Duffy: Hi everyone!
Just to alleviate any confusion. A Meetup page has been created for us all so we can continue to enjoy balmy Saturday afternoons out in Green Park. All admins are aware of this and @Lily has scheduled in the event listings, which you can find here:
Please do sign up and if you would like to donate to keep the group running, please DM one of the admins who will direct you to the corresponding payment link (currently in the process of being set up).
Rory x
[04/08/2021, 00:58:38] Lily: @Rory Duffy could you please explain why you've done this again:
[04/08/2021, 00:58:46] Lily: <attached: 00008414-PHOTO-2021-08-04-00-58-46.jpg>
[04/08/2021, 00:59:23] Lily: Rory honestly you're really confusing everyone at this point
[04/08/2021, 00:59:51] Lily: why would you name your London Gay Society meetup the same as us and use exactly the same images?
[04/08/2021, 01:00:20] +44: It's almost 1am, would anything not be confusing right now
[04/08/2021, 01:00:42] Lily: @Rory Duffy why are you asking for money on our behalf omg.
[04/08/2021, 01:02:44] +44 7515 379171: <attached: 00008419-GIF-2021-08-04-01-02-44.mp4>
[04/08/2021, 01:05:04] Seyi: Joined
[04/08/2021, 01:05:47] +44: I literally was ready to go on my first meet on Green Park this weekend but now I have no idea what's going on xD
[04/08/2021, 01:06:45] Lily: please come, we'll be there from 2.30 :)
[04/08/2021, 01:07:07] Seyi: Don't worry. IRL it's totally chill without all this weird drama
[04/08/2021, 01:08:15] Jenna: Tbh it's 1am. I'm just thinking about biscuits. Digestive and tea. Hob nibs and earl grey. Shortbread and chai
[04/08/2021, 01:08:36] Jenna: Just a plethora of biscuits and hot stuff
[04/08/2021, 01:10:17] +44: Ok, sounds good, thanks!
[04/08/2021, 01:11:46] Lily removed you


text:
Q: How to scale axes independently at runtime on an NSButton In Interface Builder, you can select how you want a button's image to be scaled, choosing either Axes Independent, Proportionally Down, etc. for the "Scaling" drop-down. How can I access or change this attribute of the NSButton at runtime?

A: You should be able to set that by using the button's cell:
NSButton *someButton;

NSButtonCell *someButtonCell = [someButton cell];
[someButtonCell setImageScaling:NSImageScaleAxesIndependently];

For the list of image scaling options, see here.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


2014 GM 3 CHN 2508 5 7 3 4 0 71.4 2304 2462 2.
2012 GM 2 CHN 2549 8 10 8 0 2 80.0 2334 2574 2. 1.
2010 GM 3 CHN 2469 7 10 6 2 2 70.0 2288 2437 2. 4.
2008 GM 2 CHN 2518 6½ 11 4 5 2 59.1 2396 2461 8. 5.
2006 WGM 1 CHN 2423 10 13 7 6 0 76.9 2406 2617 3. 1. + 5.
2004 WGM 3 CHN 2487 10 12 8 4 0 83.3 2323 2596 1. 3. + 1.
2002 WGM 1 res. CHN 2367 11 12 11 0 1 91.7 2306 2707 1. 1. + 1.


text:
Jim Al-Khalili
Photo: © Andrew McKay
Jim Al-Khalili OBE is an academic, author, and broadcaster. He is a leading theoretical physicist based at the University of Surrey, where he teaches and carries out research in quantum mechanics. He has written a number of popular science books, including Pathfinders: The Golden Age of Arabic Science. He has presented several television and radio documentaries, including the BAFTA-nominated Chemistry: A Volatile History and The Secret Life of Chaos.
Sign me up for news about Jim Al-Khalili
Books by Jim Al-Khalili
Life on the Edge
The House of Wisdom
Connect with Jim Al-Khalili

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


When I heard that Tarte were bringing out a full coverage Tape Shape foundation as a sister product to their ever popular Shape Tape Concealer, that was vegan friendly and oil free, I knew I had to try it.
I'm a massive foundation junkie and am always on the search for full coverage foundations that can out do my two staples: Kat Von D Lock It and MAC Studio Fix. On the day the Tarte Shape Tape Foundation was released I snapped it up before I even left my bed hoping that it will be my new holy grail!
There are two versions of the Tarte Shape Tape foundation depending on your skin type. A matte version for those with oily skin and a hydrating one for those with dry skin. As I have super oily skin I purchased the matte version.
The Tarte Tape Shape foundation comes in a glass bottle with a gold lid and a design that matches that of the Shape Tape concealer. It has a high end luxury feel to – which it quite rightly should have for £35 a pop. You can tell the matte and hydrating versions apart as the matte formula has a purple stripe running along the top, where as the hydrating one has a pale blue one.
The Tarte Tape Shape foundation comes in a jar with doe foot applicator that you wipe directly on to your face. Around 3 swipes of foundation on each part of your face should do it.
I tried using the Tarte Shape Tape foundation with both a brush and Beauty Blender – a brush certainly worked much better which is why Tarte recommend using their paddle foundation brush. When I tried using the beauty blender I found that it reduced the coverage and didn't blend so well, which is a shame as I love the flawless look that a Beauty Blender gives you, so I'm never that keen on foundations that I can't use it with.
After trialing a few different methods I found it was best being applied with a brush – I used the Blank Canvas F20 (but any foundation buffing brush will do) to really buff the foundation into the skin. I followed this with a fairly dry Beauty Blender (much drier than you would normally have it) and I just pressed it into my skin to help set the foundation and give that flawless look that I love.
As I bought this foundation online the day it came out it was very hard to gauge what shade to buy. There were no reviews to read and the only swatches available were the ones released by Tarte. I took a gamble and went for the shade "Fair Neutral" – I couldn't have got it more right!! As you can see from the photo above it matches my complexion really well. The neutral shade is much better for my skin tone, compared to the "Fair" Shape Tape concealer which is a lot more yellow toned. I have also swatched the MAC Studio Fix in shade NC10 so you can get an idea for how it compares to that too. I would say it's the best colour match I have out of all my foundations!
A lot of foundations promise full coverage, but they don't always deliver. The matte Tarte Shape Tape foundation on the other hand certainly is full coverage and lives up to its hype. It covers all of my redness, blemishes, uneven skin tone and left me with an even matte finish just as Tarte promises.
It's also buildable so if you have an area which particularly needs more attention, like a spot for example you can pack more on for even more coverage. However beware….. remember it's thick so the more you put on, the more cakey it looks.
I would also say it did a fairly good job at covering my pores…… initially. More to follow on that below…….
Sadly this is where the foundation lets me down. Within an hour of wearing this foundation my oil starts to creep through and my nose/ chin are shiny. In under 4 hours of wearing it, it starts to go cakey in the nose/ chin, upper lip areas and lines become very visible. It creates creases in my smile lines which I don't have with any other foundation I wear. After 6 -8 hours of wearing this foundation I look a mess. Seriously I'm embarrassed that I went to work wearing it and looking so bad – I'm shiny, cakey, patchy, my pores are now hugely visible and it's completely come off the sides of my nose and chin.
Each time I tried the Tarte Shape Tape foundation I tried it with a different primer to see if I could get one to work with it. No such luck – not with any of the primers I own anyway. I also used setting sprays and again no difference.
As soon as Tarte released swatches of the Shape Tape foundation they were soon met with unhappy remarks from disappointed customers. Tarte had launched the collection with 15 shades – only 3 of them being appropriate for darker skin tones. With many brands now offering larger and larger colour selections (think Fenty and their massive 40 shade range) it was disappointing to see that Tarte's colour range was no way inclusive for people of colour.
Following the backlash Tarte put out a statement. They admitted that they had planned the whole time to have more shades available but they were so eager to get the collection out quickly that they launched it before all the shades were ready to go. Tarte have apologised for their error and said they are doing all they can in their power to release another 10 shades as quickly as possible.
Big learning curve for Tarte, but also for other makeup brands I imagine.
I tried this foundation 5 times (for long periods of time) ….. I would usually try a foundation a lot more than 5 times before I gave my verdict on it, but as I found this foundation unwearable (due to the reasons I gave above) I could not bring myself to wear it anymore. Yes, that's how bad I found it! I tried 5 different primer combos and it still didn't work so I think I gave it a good go.
I had really high hopes for this foundation and when it was first applied I was impressed, as it was so full coverage, but it's the staying power that makes it a big no no from me. It also does feel very heavy on your skin, which I suppose you would expect from a thick full coverage foundation.
As this foundation is made for people with oily skin I'm so disappointed that it didn't do more to control my oil. I'd love to know if you have tried it, what your thoughts are?
I'm still a Tarte fan, but sorry Tarte. this one isn't for me.
Previous Post Is Caolion The Answer To Large Pores?


text:
package com.infinityraider.settlercraft.utility;

import com.infinityraider.settlercraft.api.v1.IBoundingBox;
import com.infinityraider.settlercraft.reference.Constants;
import net.minecraft.util.math.BlockPos;

public class BoundingBox extends com.infinityraider.infinitylib.utility.BoundingBox implements IBoundingBox {
    public BoundingBox(BlockPos min, BlockPos max) {
        this(min.getX(), min.getY(), min.getZ(), max.getX(), max.getY(), max.getZ());
    }

    public BoundingBox(BoundingBox box) {
        super(box);
    }

    public BoundingBox(BlockPos center) {
        this(
                center.getX() - (Constants.SETTLEMENT_DEFAULT_WIDTH)/2,
                center.getY(),
                center.getZ() - (Constants.SETTLEMENT_DEFAULT_WIDTH)/2,
                center.getX() + (Constants.SETTLEMENT_DEFAULT_WIDTH)/2,
                center.getY() + (Constants.SETTLEMENT_DEFAULT_HEIGHT),
                center.getZ() + (Constants.SETTLEMENT_DEFAULT_WIDTH)/2
        );
    }

    public BoundingBox(int minX, int minY, int minZ, int maxX, int maxY, int maxZ) {
        super(minX, minY, minZ, maxX, maxY, maxZ);
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox copy() {
        return new BoundingBox(this);
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox expand(int amount) {
        super.expand(amount);
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox expandToFit(BlockPos pos) {
        super.expandToFit(pos);
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox expandToFit(int x, int y, int z) {
        super.expandToFit(x, y, z);
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox expandToFit(IBoundingBox inner) {
        this.expandToFit(inner.getMinimumPosition()).expandToFit(inner.getMaximumPosition());
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox offset(int x, int y, int z) {
        super.offset(x, y, z);
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox offset(BlockPos offset) {
        super.offset(offset);
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public BoundingBox rotate(int amount) {
        super.rotate(amount);
        return this;
    }

    @Override
    public boolean intersects(IBoundingBox other) {
        if(other instanceof BoundingBox) {
            return super.intersects((BoundingBox) other);
        }
        return !(other.maxX()+1 <= this.minX() || other.maxY()+1 <= this.minY() || other.maxZ()+1 <= this.minZ())
                && !(this.maxX()+1 <= other.minX() || this.maxY()+1 <= other.minY() || this.maxZ()+1 <= other.minZ());
    }
}

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


Châteauneuf-du-Pape is located nine miles North of Avignon in the Southern Rhone Valley of France. The Rhone River and Mount Ventoux, which is famed for being one of the most difficult sections of the Tour de France, border the region.
Châteauneuf-du-Pape's climate is ideal for grape-growing with hot, dry summers and cool, wet winters. Most of the rain occurs in winter or spring, and there is abundant sunshine during the growing season. The area is also greatly impacted by an intense wind called the Mistral, which originates in the cold air masses of the Atlantic Ocean and the North Sea. The wind, which can blow at speeds of more than 60 miles per hour, is funneled through the Rhone Valley towards the warm Mediterranean Sea. It clears the clouds and chases away the humidity, which helps to prevent rot, decreases disease pressure on the vine, and allows for organic and biodynamic farming. However, the strong wind can also rip off the leaves and grapes and destroy a crop.
The soil in Châteauneuf-du-Pape is covered with galets, round rocks that were rolled and smoothed by the Rhone River. These aren't pebbles, though – some are as large as footballs. The stones radiate heat from the sun aiding in the ripening of the grapes creating powerful, age-worthy wines.
Red wines represent 93% of the region's production, with the balance being white wine. There are 13 grape varieties permitted in red Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Grenache makes up two-thirds, and sometimes more, of most reds. Syrah, Mourvedre, and Cinsault are also commonly added to the mix. The white Châteauneuf-du-Pape is made from a blend of Clairette, Roussanne, Grenache Blanc, and several other white grape varieties.
Châteauneuf-du-Pape is an aged wine that pairs well with a variety of foods. The red wines of Châteauneuf-du-Pape are quite complex and diverse, but you can often find both black and red cherry fruit, strawberry, earth, black pepper, spices and garrigue — the local scrub brush made up of herbs, such as lavender, rosemary and thyme.
"Its wide array of aromas and flavors are reminiscent of a Provençal marketplace while its texture—rich and round, sumptuous and opulent—is virtually unmatched by most of the wines of the world," according to Robert Parker, one of the leading wine critics in the United States.
For more insights on Châteauneuf-du-Pape wines — and other wines from around the world — Double Decanted offers a collection of bottles at a variety of price points. Let us help you find the perfect bottle – or bottles – for any occasion! To set up an appointment, please email Kelly@doubledecanted.com.


Every woman should be getting a 3D Mammogram.
3D mammography uses advanced computer imaging to convert digital images of the breast into a stack of very thin layers or "slices," building a three-dimensional reconstruction of the breast that is much clearer to read. This is especially important for women with dense breast tissue.
During this process, data from the section of the breast we are most concerned about is displayed with exceptional clarity. Areas of masses and distortion become more evident and are no longer hidden by the overlapping tissue found above and below.
A helpful analogy for understanding 3D mammography is thinking of these retrieved images as the assembled pages in a book. If you look at a closed book, you can only see the cover rather than all of the pages in between — but when you open it up, you can flip through the entire book page by page to see everything in great detail.
Montclair Breast Center was the first facility in our area to adopt the groundbreaking 3D technology.
Why do I need a 3D Mammography exam?
Simply stated: it's a more accurate way to screen for breast cancer. The quality of the machine, and even more importantly, the person reading the images, make a difference! At Montclair Breast Center, we believe it's time to improve the entire mammography experience. New gentle, rounded edges reduce discomfort. Soft armrests have replaced hand grips, and patients can lean comfortably on the armrests relaxing their muscles to simplify compression and image acquisition. (Anxious patients are more prone to moving and contracting muscles.) By making patients more comfortable, technologists can focus more on suitable positioning, enabling a faster and smoother experience. Specialized paddles can tilt and adapt to each womens body, breast size or breast implants.
3D Mammography delivers a series of detailed breast images, allowing your doctor to better evaluate your breasts layer by layer. Over 100 clinical studies have shown that by using this technology, doctors are able to screen for breast cancer with much greater accuracy–regardless of a woman's age or breast density. Greater accuracy means better breast cancer detection and a reduced chance of needing additional tests.
At Montclair Breast Center, we combine the experience of fellowship-trained breast imagers with the latest 3D digital mammography to better serve our patients' needs. 3D mammography delivers an unimaginable clarity and certainty to our physicians. 3D mammography promises to decrease the number of our patients selected for biopsy, and most importantly — increase our ability to detect breast cancer at the earliest and most treatable stage.
We provide same-day results and any additional testing required can be completed immediately.
Our imagers are fellowship trained, technology-driven experts who focus solely on breasts. Multiple studies prove that radiologists specializing in reading mammograms find smaller breast cancers.


Please enjoy my quarterly feature that appears in Carmel Magazine. My column is called "Collecting." It's about the current rage in collecting vintage. It gives a bit of history on the subject, its current values, where they are found, and often how to repurpose these items into current day décor.
It's fun, informative and whets your appetite to go out and seek some of these relics of the past for yourself.


The CEO of troubled Italian bank BMPS, Fabrizio Viola, resigned Thursday, six weeks after unveiling plans to reverse its ailing fortunes, the bank said.
"At a meeting today the board of BMPS and CEO Fabrizio Viola agreed to change the head of the bank," BMPS said in a statement which added that Viola would stay in his post and oversee the transition pending the arrival of a successor.
"Fabrizio Viola, called upon to head the bank at a moment of extreme difficulty for the establishment, leaves it solid and in the black with a plan unveiled last year, on July 29th, comprising a definitive structural solution for bad debts," the bank said.
The plan drawn up by Banca Monte dei Paschi di Siena's (BMPS) board of directors included the offloading of 9.2 billion euros ($10.3 billion) of non-performing assets which had threatened to overwhelm the world's oldest lender, founded in 1472, as well as a capital increase of five billion euros.
The drastic restructuring of Italy's third-biggest bank was required to avoid triggering a banking crisis which it was feared could spread beyond Italy's borders.
BMPS came last in EU bank stress test results released in July sparking fears it would suffer a 14.23 percent plunge in its core capital ratio - a measure of stability - by 2018.
The tests showed it as the only one of 51 banks examined to end up with a negative measure. The stress tests pinpointed BMPS as the financial institution most susceptible to bankruptcy.
The board said it expected to unveil a successor to Viola soon and thanked him for his dedication over four years in charge. Since the 2008 financial crisis regulators have tightened oversight of banks to head off a potential systemic threat to the global financial system.