text:
Fear not the Path of Truth: An encounter with Ross Caputi
Joey Ayoubarchives, archives 20131 Comment
It cannot be easy. To know that you've participated in something which you would never be able to justify can rip one's conscience apart. Many fall into self-medication to treat for mental illnesses of the likes of depression and PTSD; others isolate themselves and become socially dysfunctional; others kill themselves. But every once in a while, witnessing something so sad, so brutal, so unjust, can turn you into a passionate defender of human rights. And that's what Ross Caputi is.
I haven't known Ross for a long time. But time wasn't really necessary to realize how passionate he is. This is a man who genuinely desires to help humanity by helping Fallujah. He started with the Justice for Fallujah project which lead to the documentary Fear not the Path of Truth: A Veteran's Journey after Fallujah. Fear not the Path of Truth which will be screened tomorrow at the American University of Beirut and can be found for free on Vimeo, is his story of Ross Caputi, that of an ex-US Marine who served in Fallujah from 2003 to 2006 and took part in the second siege of Fallujah in 2004. In 2006, he was discharged for being too critical of the US military.
Why? What made him change his world view in such a radical way?
In his own words:
Ever since I started the Justice For Fallujah Project, I've been looking for new and creative ways to inform the American public about what our military did to Fallujah. Not just because I feel complicit and this whole topic is extremely personal to me, but also because I think that understanding what was done to Fallujah is essential to understanding US foreign policy. If Americans really understood what we did to Fallujah, they would have at once understood that all of Obama and Kerry's arguments for intervention in Syria were hollow and hypocritical. Americans would also better understand our current relationship with the Maliki government in Baghdad, and they would also be a step closer towards understanding the widespread resentment towards American foreign policy throughout the region, and throughout most of the world too.
I've been wanting to do something like this for a while, and then the opportunity just suddenly presented itself. After our organization was featured in an episode by Vice on HBO, we got some generous donations. It was enough to buy a camera and book a plane ticket to Europe, where I conducted most of the interviews for this documentary.
So what are you hoping to get out this?
I've had very big and romantic dreams about the effects that my documentary could have. At night I imagine the military industrial complex crumbling and the American public suddenly becoming motivated to further inform and empower themselves. Most likely that won't happen. But if it at least motivates a few people to help Fallujah, I'll be happy with that. The Justice For Fallujah Project is currently looking for ways to send aid and medical equipment to the Fallujah General Hospital. But we don't have enough manpower right now. We need more people to help us.
So if this documentary just helps us find a few dedicated people to help our organization, that would be great. Our less immediate goal is to continue to fight against the narrative told by the US government and the mainstream media about what we did to Fallujah. Most Americans still believe that Fallujah was a sanctuary for terrorists in 2004 and the US military came and liberated the city from their oppression, which is just a complete lie. So I would be very happy to see any type of reaction to our documentary from the mainstream media. I would love for someone like Bill O'Reilly to rail against our documentary. If we are totally ignored by the establishment media, I would feel like we didn't challenge anyone.
But we'll have to see what happens. I'll try to enter the documentary in film festivals for the spring. Hopefully it will get some attention.
The most important thing I have to say about my experience as a veteran in Fallujah is how astonishingly ignorant I was of Iraqi culture, Iraqi history, and what was happening in Iraq while I was there. Yes, I saw some bad things in Fallujah. I saw us using indiscriminate tactics. I saw women and children fleeing into the desert from our assault. But if all you know about what you're doing and why you're doing it are the justifications that your command gives you, it is very easy to interpret all of the things that we did in Fallujah as an attempt to help Fallujah civilians.
I interpret what I saw in Fallujah very differently today, because I've done a lot of studying and research on the topic. I now understand that Fallujah was not filled with terrorists, but rather with predominantly local resistance fighters who wanted to expel the illegal invaders and occupiers from their city and country. I now understand that we were the aggressors every step of the way and we rejected made by the leadership in Fallujah for a peaceful resolution. I now understand that thousands of Fallujans were trapped in Fallujah at the time that we were laying siege to the city (our command told us that only terrorists remained in the city), so many all of our tactics were indiscriminate and, therefore, constitute war crimes.
So the documentary is about me trying to understand what I saw in Fallujah. It's about me trying to learn the facts surrounding the operation that I participated in. Once I learned these facts, the truth about our mission became undeniable.
Finally, here's the list of people interviewed for Fear not the Path of Truth:
Noam Chomsky, world renowned MIT Linguistics professor and intellectual. His talks on Fallujah can be found here.
Amir Alani, sociologist and native of Fallujah.
Feurat Alani, son of Amir and producer of "Fallujah: A lost Generation?"
Dr. Intisar Ariabi, formerly the head Pharmacist of the Yarmouk Teaching Hospital in Baghdad, and currently a Director at The Cancer and Birth Defects Foundation. Dr. Ariabi is also a co-author of the very important study Cancer, Infant Mortality and the Birth Sex-Ratio in Fallujah, Iraq 2005-2009.
Dr. Muhamad Al Darraji, biologist by profession, and formerly a member of the Fallujah City Council in 2004. Dr. Al Darraji has worked extensively with the UN Human Rights Council to address the human rights violations committed against Fallujah. He is the author of several publications, including "Testimonies of Crimes Against Humanity in Fallujah". And he is the Director of the Monitoring Net of Human Rights in Iraq and the Conservation Center of Environment and Reserves in Fallujah.
Dirk Adriaensens, criminologist, writer and activist. He is also an Executive Committee member of the BRussells Tribunal. Between 1992 and 2003 he led several delegations to Iraq. He was a member of the International Organizing Committee of the World Tribunal on Iraq (2003-2005), and he is the co-author of several books and articles for numerous newssites.
Professor Kathreen Malley-Morrison, professor of Psychology at Boston University. She is well known in the new field of Peace Psychology. She also runs the blog Engaging Peace. Check out her posts on "moral disengagement" and consider this theory's application to the atrocities committed against Fallujah.
Paul Atwood, senior Lecture in American Studies and is a Research Associate at the William Joiner Center for the Study of War and Social Consequences at UMass Boston. For over twenty years Paul Atwood has been teaching courses on American wars of the twentieth century, with emphasis upon the social, politcal, and economic consequences to the United States and the even more bitter costs to those nations on the recieving end of American firepower. He is the author of War and Empire: The American way of life.
Sohail Hashmi, professor of International Relations, whose research focuses on the ethics of war, especially on the tradition of jihad. Our interview focused on the tendency of the War On Terror to conflate insurgents, jihadists, and terrorists into a single category of "enemy". We discussed in depth how such a dangerous conflation may have contributed to the bloodshed in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Recommended Reading: I'm sorry for the role I played in Fallujah – The Guardian
Tomorrow's screening will be followed by a panel discussion with Dr. Coralie Hindawi (PSPA Department) and Dr. Vijay Prashad (CASAR Department) of the American University of Beirut. The Kickstarter behind the documentary can be found here.
Fear Not the Path of Truth will be screened tomorrow at 6:30 at the American University of Beirut. Here's the link to the event.
You can also find me on Twitter @JoeyAyoub
Lebanese Women's Right to Nationality protest
"Discover Gemmayze" – Achrafieh 2020's latest project
One thought on "Fear not the Path of Truth: An encounter with Ross Caputi"
Jenny Cecilia says:
thanks for this great post!


text:
2020 Health Security & Pandemics
How can communities around the world prepare for, detect, and respond to emerging pandemics and health security threats?
Challenge Overview
Over $2 million in prize funding is available for Solve's 2020 Global Challenges, including Health Security & Pandemics. Learn more.
Coronavirus disease 2019 (Covid-19) is the latest in a series of infectious disease emergencies, including cholera, Ebola, SARS, Chikungunya, HIV/AIDS, and influenza. While scientists and drug developers, with support from governments and multilateral organizations, have been rushing to produce, test, and deliver vaccines and treatments, tech innovators also have a crucial role to play, both in the near term and to prevent and mitigate future disease outbreaks.
In the near term, we need improved solutions for prevention, accurate detection, and rapid response. MIT Solve is seeking tech innovations that can slow and track the spread of an emerging outbreak, for example by improving individual hygiene, developing low-cost rapid diagnostics, analyzing data that informs decision making, and providing tools that support and protect health workers.
At the same time, we cannot solely treat disease outbreaks reactively. Climate change and globalization leave us ever more vulnerable to future epidemics and pandemics, and it's critical to be prepared. Solve is also seeking solutions that focus on preventative and mitigation measures that strengthen access to affordable primary healthcare systems, enhance disease surveillance systems, and improve healthcare supply chains.
If you have a solution, we want you to apply.
If you can help us fund a prize for the selected Solver teams, please get in touch with Hala Hanna at hala@solve.mit.edu.
You can also donate here—all amounts raised will support the Challenge.
If you can partner with us in any other way, please let us know here.
For more details on Solver Funding, Prize, and Partnership Eligibility for the Health Security & Pandemics Challenge, visit the Prizes tab.
Accepting Solutions
Challenges Open March 5, 2020
Deadline to Submit a Solution June 18, 2020
Evaluating Solutions
Solve Challenge Finals September 29, 2020

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Microneedling is a skin treatment involving the use of a special device to break down old scar tissue, reduce lines and wrinkles, and promote skin cell generation. The procedure leads to the formation of new skin layers containing fresh collagen and elastin fibers, as well as enhancing blood circulation in the skin. This non-surgical skin rejuvenation technique has been growing in popularity, largely due to its ability to enhance the appearance of your skin without the need for extensive downtime.
We gently move the microneedling device along the skin surface to create numerous micro-channels. Although these microscopic openings are virtually invisible to the naked eye, they trigger a collagen production process that makes your skin thicker and minimizes wrinkles and other types of skin imperfections.
Microneedling has been proven to be safe and effective for the treatment of skin problems like lines and wrinkles, hyperpigmentation, blemishes, and scars caused by acne, injury, or trauma. Virtually any cosmetic problem found on the skin can be improved with this treatment.
You can have as many microneedling treatments as you require, provided you wait a set amount of time between each treatment session to allow your skin time to heal completely. The number of treatments that you require depends upon the type and severity of your skin condition. Unless you have extremely superficial skin problems, you would likely benefit from multiple treatment sessions, as each session builds upon the results of previous ones.
Would I Make a Good Candidate?
If your skin is currently free from an active infection or breakout, you would likely make a suitable candidate for the procedure. Since we are tricking your body into remodeling your skin, patience is very important. Microneedling helps to enhance the absorption of skin care products like creams, lotions, gels, and serums. So if you've been looking for a way to make these products more effective, this treatment could be perfect for you.
If you would like more information about microneedling, set up an initial consultation at Madonna OBGYN and Medical Spa as soon as possible. We have offices located in Geneseo and Rochester. Contact us today to book an appointment and get started.


Weeds are an indeterminate group of plants which influence directly or indirectly every section and individual in the community, while to agriculture and cognate rural industries some 600 species constitute a major factor limiting production and causing significant economic loss. Whether or not a plant is a weed depends, in the main, on its place of growth relative to man's intentions – no plant is an absolute weed. For example, Pinus radiata in a plantation is a useful plant, but established in hill-country pasture is a weed.
Why are plants regarded as weeds? Weeds occupy ground space to the exclusion of useful plants, competing for light, soil nutrients, and moisture, or may grow where no vegetation is required. Some plants, too, have specific characteristics which under most circumstances warrant their classification as weeds. Reasons such as the following explain why some New Zealand plants are classed as weeds.
Compete with and smother crops in cultivated land, e.g., black nightshade (Solanum nigrum), fathen (Chenopodium album), spurrey or yarr (Spergula arvensis).
Invade pastures and reduce grazing, e.g., gorse (Ulex europaeus), rushes (Juncus spp.), thistles (various species).
Block drainage channels and impede navigation in lakes, e.g., Canadian pondweed (Elodea canadensis), watercress (Nasturtium spp.), water hyacinth (Eichhornia crassipes).
Poisonous to livestock and humans, e.g., Cape tulip (Homeria collina), hemlock, (Conium maculatum), ragwort (Senecio jacobaea).
Cause undesirable flavours in agricultural produce, e.g., King Island melilot (Melilotus indica), land cress or twin cress (Coronopus didymus), wild garlic (Allium vineale).
Reduce value of wool, e.g., bur clover (Medicago polymorpha), burdock (Arctium spp.), piripiri – corrupted to bidibidi, (Acaena spp.).
Cause mechanical injury to livestock and humans, e.g., barley grass (Hordeum murinum), African boxthorn (Lycium ferocissimum), needle grass (Stipa variabilis).
Act as hosts to insect pests and fungous, bacterial and virus diseases, e.g., weeds of the cabbage family (Cruciferae) carry clubroot; hawthorn (Crataegus monogyna) carries the bacterial disease, fire blight; and many weeds are host to aphids significant in the spread of virus diseases.
Scramble over and smother shrubs and trees in gardens, hedges, native bush reserves, e.g., German ivy (Senecio mikanioides), ivy (Hedera helix), wild clematis (Clematis vitalba).
Invade and replace lawn and green swards, e.g., dandelion (Taraxacum officinale). Mercury Bay weed (Dichondra repens), Onehunga weed (Soliva spp.).
How to cite this page: 'WEEDS', from An Encyclopaedia of New Zealand, edited by A. H. McLintock, originally published in 1966.


text:
Q: Can I use perl's Parse::RecDescent to parse a file in-place? I want to write a simple CSS "preprocessor" that comments out constructs in CSS files based on a user input configuration file. The goal is to automate actions such as, "comment all ABC properties that apply to XYZ elements".
Aside from the added comments, the processed CSS files must otherwise remain identical to the input files -- including indentation, linefeeds, and original comments.
There are some perl CSS parsers:
https://metacpan.org/pod/CSS (heavy and lite)
https://metacpan.org/pod/CSS::Simple
but they don't preserve structure and/or comments.
I thought about writing my own Parse::RecDescent parser (and there is lots of code in CSS::Parse::Heavy to reference!) but the part I can't figure out is how to preserve the existing text during the parse. I was hoping to return strings of actual content up through the patterns, but Parse::RecDescent seems to discard things like whitespace and linefeeds, and it returns references of bits and pieces of content instead.
Is there a way to get Parse::RecDescent to preserve the actual string content, including whitespace and linefeeds (and comments??), up through the productions?
I don't have any code to share because I haven't a single idea get off the ground yet. :(  But here's some example CSS I'd need to parse:
/* ====================================
 * <prelreqs>
 */
*[class~="taskreq-d/prelreqs"] > * {
  margin-left: 2em;  // TO-DO - check
}

*[scale="90"]  {        font-size: 90%; }
*[scale="100"] {        font-size: 100%; }
*[scale="110"] {        font-size: 110%; }

@media print{
  /* page style stuff */
  :root{
      /* White page */
      border: 1px solid #c6c6c6;
      background-color:white;
}}
@page table-of-contents {
      @top-left      { content: none; }
      @top-center    { content: none; }
}
@page table-of-contents:left {
      @top-left {
          content: string(toc-header) " | " counter(page, lower-roman);
      }
}

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
(-) Student Texts (26)
(-) Class (26)
Gender & Sexual Identity (34)
Rights & Activism (84)
A Personal Mission: Sammy Younge Jr.
Although raised in a prosperous and prestigious African-American home in Tuskegee, Ala., Sammy Younge found himself drawn most to the civil rights movement. While the cause cost him his life, his actions and determination helped to transform this Southern city.
Teaching Tolerance Staff
Race & Ethnicity Class
New Girl in School
This story follows a girl who befriends the first African American to attend High Point Central High School, as a result of desegregation. What begins as an unintended and awkward experience in the cafeteria, becomes a strong and admirable friendship.
Carol Passmore
Race & Ethnicity Class Bullying & Bias
Walking with the Wind
In this excerpt from his book, Walking with the Wind, John Lewis describes his involvement in the sit-ins in Nashville, Tenn., in the spring of 1960.
Si Se Puede
"In response to legislation that would have criminalized immigrants, thousands of high school students from across the country walked out of their classrooms and into history."
Rigoberta Menchú has dedicated her life to fighting the injustices faced by the people of Guatemala and educating the world on the concept of indigenous people and fighting for their interests.
Race & Ethnicity Class Gender & Sexual Identity
Ela Bhatt was a pioneer in women's empowerment and grassroots development. In addition to establishing the Self-Employed Women's Association in India, Bhatt also founded India's first women's bank, Cooperative Bank of SEWA, and served as a member of the Parliament of India from 1986 to1989.
Class Gender & Sexual Identity
Abraham Lincoln & Frederick Douglass: The Story Behind an American Friendship
This text explores the relationship between Frederick Douglass and Abraham Lincoln, two self-made men whose lives intersected near the end of America's Civil War.
Russell Freedman
(A)wake
In this poem, the speaker traces the senseless killings taking place abroad and at home, with a particular focus on the African-American community. The speaker also calls communities to action to "grow our hope and heal our hearts" in order to live together in peace.
Jessica Kobe
Race & Ethnicity Religion Class Immigration Gender & Sexual Identity Rights & Activism
The Child's Defender
In this interview, Marian Wright Edelman expresses the importance of each American sending children "signals of fairness and tolerance" and helping to give them "a life that transcends boundaries of race, class, gender and other differences."
Marian Wright Edelman and Sara Bullard


The presence of Media is now and then everywhere. Interestingly, the growth of media organizations was doubled in the last few decades. Might be it's due to the familiarity of the internet and social media among the general public. As like journalism, Mass communication is one of the best fields that can help one to become a journalist. The duration of Graduate level mass communication is 3 years, whereas the duration of Masters level mass communication is 2 years. The candidate enrolled in Mass communication can get a thorough understanding of the principles, methods and responsibility of communication of Medias in the print, visual, online and broadcast sectors.
We have furnished below the minimum eligibility that needs to be fulfilled by candidates aspiring to get admission into Mass Communication course.
Eligibility for the undergraduate course- Candidates, who have successfully completed the class XII from any board, are permitted to get admission into the undergraduate level course.
Eligibility for the postgraduate course- Candidates below 30 years of age having Bachelor's degree in any discipline is eligible to apply for Mass Communication course.
It's a tuff question probably. We say- if you are keenly interested in journalism, having creative writing skills and sound knowledge about the contemporary updates across the world then this course may good for you.
There are lots of career options in the media for the candidates who passed out the Mass Com course. A small list regarding various job profiles offered to graduates in Mass Communication is shown below.
Who Hires Mass Communication candidates?
All Media Companies requires the Mass Communication candidates to the profiles such as Journalist, News reporter, columnist, Video journalist, etc. In addition to the media firms, the companies working in software sector also required mass communication candidates for document related works.
In India, the salary of an entry level mass communication candidate will get around 2.5 La to 5 La per annum. This salary range may vary according to the company, job responsibilities and the candidate's professional achievements till the period.


Gretchen W. McClain is an independent director of Hennessy Capital Acquisition Corp. IV. Since June 2014, Ms. McClain has served as principal of G. W. Advisory Services, a consulting business providing leadership coaching and business advisory services to executives to help them grow their businesses and expand their leadership capabilities. Ms. McClain was the founding President and Chief Executive Officer of Xylem, Inc. (NYSE: XYL) from October 2011 to September 2013. She joined Xylem as the founding CEO in 2011 when it was formed and taken public from a spinoff of the water business of ITT Corporation. She joined ITT Corporation in 2005 as the president of its residential and commercial water business and served as the senior vice president and president of its commercial businesses from 2008 to 2011. Ms. McClain has served in a number of senior executive positions at Honeywell Aerospace (formerly AlliedSignal), including vice president and general manager of the business, general aviation and helicopters electronics division, and vice president for engineering and technology, as well as for program management in Honeywell Aerospace's engines, systems and services division. She also spent nine years with NASA and served as Deputy Associate Administrator for Space Development, where she played a pivotal role in the successful development and launch of the International Space Station Program as Chief Director of the Space Station and Deputy Director for Space Flight. She currently serves as a director of Ametek, Inc. (NYSE: AME), Booz Allen Hamilton Holding Corporation (NYSE: BAH), Boart Longyear Limited (ASX: BLY), and J.M. Huber Corporation (a family-owned business), and previously served as a director of Xylem from 2011 to 2013 and Con-Way Inc. from June 2015 to October 2015. Ms. McClain holds a B.S. in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Utah. Ms. McClain is well qualified to serve as a director due to her extensive business, developmental, strategic and technical background from more than 25 years of global experience across multiple industries, including as CEO of a publicly traded industrial company and government agency leadership.
Juan Carlos Mas is an independent director of Hennessy Capital Acquisition Corp. IV. Since April 2011, Mr. Mas serves as the chairman of The Mas Group, a company that invests in various industries including infrastructure development, real estate, construction equipment and healthcare. He has also served as chairman and founder of Synergy Rents, a construction equipment rental company, since April 2013. Mr. Mas is a member of the board of directors of CareCloud, a software and services company for the healthcare industry, and chairman of Cross Country Infrastructure Services, a supplier of materials, tools, parts and equipment for the oil and gas pipeline construction industry. From January 2002 to June 2007, Mr. Mas served as chairman and chief executive officer of Neff Corporation, a construction equipment rental company. From July 1990 to January 2002, Mr. Mas served in a variety of executive positions at MasTec, Inc. (NYSE: MTZ), including as President of MasTec International. Mr. Mas holds BBA and JD degrees from the University of Miami. Mr. Mas is well qualified to serve as a director due to his extensive experience as a founder, executive officer and director of numerous industrial companies as well as his significant experience investing in industrial companies.
James F. O'Neil III is an independent director of Hennessy Capital Acquisition Corp. IV. Since June 2017, Mr. O'Neil has served as a director of Hennessy III, which merged with NRC Group Holdings, LLC, a global provider of comprehensive environmental, compliance and waste management services, in October 2018 and is now known as NRC Group Holdings Corp. (NYSE American: NRCG). He was a Partner of Western Commerce Group from April 2016 to March 2018. In October 2017, Mr. O'Neil formed Forefront Solutions, LLC, a consulting company to the energy infrastructure industry. Mr. O'Neil served as the Chief Executive Officer and President of Quanta Services, Inc. from May 2011 to March 2016 and from October 2008 to March 2016, respectively. He previously served as Chief Operating Officer of Quanta Services from October 2008 to 2011. Earlier, Mr. O'Neil served as a Senior Vice President of Quanta Services with responsibility for Operations Integration & Audit from December 2002 to October 2008. He served as a Vice President of Operations Integration at Quanta Services from August 1999 to December 2002. Mr. O'Neil joined Quanta in 1999 and, throughout his tenure at Quanta, was responsible for various initiatives, including: renewable energy strategy; commercial and industrial operations; internal audit; and merger and acquisition initiatives, including oversight of the acquisition and integration of InfraSource, its largest acquisition. From 1980 to 1999, Mr. O'Neil held various positions with Halliburton Company, a provider of products and services to the petroleum and energy industries, lastly as Director, Global Deepwater Development. Mr. O'Neil has been a Director of FirstEnergy Corp. since January 2017. He also served as a Director of Quanta Services, Inc. from May 2011 to March 2016. Mr. O'Neil holds a B.S. in Civil Engineering from Tulane University, New Orleans in 1980. Mr. O'Neil is well qualified to serve as a director due to his extensive experience in commercial and industrial operations and with mergers and acquisitions execution and integration and his experience with Hennessy III.
Peter Shea is an independent director of Hennessy Capital Acquisition Corp. IV, and serves as the chairman of our compensation committee. From January 2014 to February 2015, Mr. Shea served as a director and chairman of the Compensation Committee of Hennessy I, which merged with School Bus Holdings Inc. in February 2015 and is now known as Blue Bird Corporation (NASDAQ: BLBD). From July 2015 to February 2017, Mr. Shea served as a director and chairman of the Compensation Committee of Hennessy II, which merged with Daseke in February 2017 and is now known as Daseke, Inc. (NASDAQ: DSKE). From June 2017 to October 2018, Mr. Shea has served as a director and chairman of the compensation committee of Hennessy III which merged with NRC Group Holdings Inc. (NYSE: NRCG). Since January 2010, Mr. Shea has been a private equity advisor and an independent director for various companies. He has served as an operating partner of Snow Phipps Group, a private equity firm, since April 2013. He has been a director of Viskase Companies (OTCMKTS: VKSC), a supplier of cellulose and fibrous casings since October 2006, where he is currently chairman of the Audit Committee and previously served as chairman of the Compensation Committee. He has been a director of CVR Partners LP (NYSE: UAN), a nitrogen fertilizer producer, since May 2014 where he is currently Chairman of the Environmental, Health and Safety Committee and a member of the Audit Committee. Since September 2015, Mr. Shea has served as chairman of the board of directors of Voltari Corporation (NASDAQ: VLTC), a commercial real estate company. Since May 2014, Mr. Shea has served as Chairman of the Board of Directors of FeraDyne Outdoors LLC, a private company which manufactures hunting and fishing accessories. Since November 2014, he has served as Chairman of Teasedale Foods, a private company and a processor of Hispanic food products. Since September 2017, Mr. Shea has served as Chairman of Decopac Inc., a private company, which is a B2B food processing supplier. Mr. Shea served as a Director of Trump Entertainment Resorts LLP from January 2016 to June 2017, where he was a member of the Audit Committee. From November 2011 to December 2016, Mr. Shea was an operating advisor for OMERS Private Equity. He served as a Director of Give and Go Prepared Foods, a food processor, from January 2012 until July 2016. He was a Director of CTI Foods, a processor of protein and soup products from May 2010 to July 2013. He previously served as a director of, Sitel Worldwide Corporation, a customer relationship marketing business, from October 2011 until September 2015. Mr. Shea has also served as a Director, Chairman, Executive Chairman, Chief Executive Officer, President or Managing Director of a variety of companies including Icahn Enterprises, H.J. Heinz Company Europe, John Morrell & Company, Specialty Meats Company, Grupo Polymer United Latin America, Roncadin GmbH, Premium Standard Farms, New Energy Company of Indiana and United Brands Company where he was Head of Global Corporate Development. He has an MBA from the University of Southern California and a BBA from Iona College. Mr. Shea is well qualified to serve as a director due to his experience in public and private company governance and private equity, including his service on numerous corporate boards and on audit and compensation committees, including his experience with Hennessy I, Hennessy II and Hennessy III.
Richard Burns is an independent director of Hennessy Capital Acquisition Corp. IV. From January 2014 to February 2015, Mr. Burns served as a director of Hennessy I, which merged with School Bus Holdings Inc. in February 2015 and is now known as Blue Bird Corporation (NASDAQ: BLBD). From July 2015 to February 2017, Mr. Burns served as a director of Hennessy II, which merged with Daseke in February 2017 and is now known as Daseke, Inc. (NASDAQ: DSKE). From June 2017 to October 2018, Mr. Burns served as a director of Hennessy III which merged with NRC Group Holdings Inc. (NYSE: NRCG). He also serves as a Senior Advisor to McKinsey & Company, consulting with telecom service providers, suppliers, and private equity investors, and has done so since April 2008. Mr. Burns also serves on the board of GeorgiasOwn Credit Union, a consumer retail financial services firm, since 2002. He served on the board of Unison Site Management, a cell site management firm, from March 2010 to June 2016. Mr. Burns has over 35 years of combined executive experience in telecommunications, including landline, broadband and wireless networks. He served as an officer of BellSouth from 2002 to 2006, holding a number of positions including Chief Integration Officer for Broadband Transformation, President of Bellsouth Broadband and Internet Services, and Chief Supply Chain Officer. He also served as an officer of AT&T from December 2006 to March 2008, as President of AT&T's Wireless Network. Through his experience, Mr. Burns has developed expertise in operations, mergers, financial management, and private equity investment. Through his executive experience and board service Mr. Burns has acquired both experience and training in corporate governance, executive compensation, and finance. Mr. Burns received both his Bachelor and Master's Degrees in Engineering from the University of Louisville, and an MBA from Vanderbilt University with Honors. Mr. Burns is well qualified to serve as a director due to his executive experience in large public companies, as well as his board experience in privately held firms and Hennessy I, Hennessy II and Hennessy III.
Bradley Bell is an independent director of Hennessy Capital Acquisition Corp. IV, and serves as the chairman of our audit committee. From January 2014 to February 2015, Mr. Bell served as a director and chairman of the Audit Committee of Hennessy I, which merged with School Bus Holdings Inc. in February 2015 and is now known as Blue Bird Corporation (NASDAQ: BLBD). From July 2015 to February 2017, Mr. Bell served as a director and chairman of the Audit Committee of Hennessy II, which merged with Daseke in February 2017 and is now known as Daseke, Inc. (NASDAQ: DSKE). From June 2017 to October 2018, Mr. Bell served as a director and chairman of the audit committee of Hennessy III which is now known as NRC Group Holdings Inc. (NYSE: NRCG). Since October 2014, Mr. Bell has served as a director of MPM Holdings, Inc., a global manufacturer of silicones and quartz products, where he has been Non-Executive Chair since December 2014. Since July 2015, Mr. Bell has served as a director and Chairman of the Audit Committee of The Chemours Company LLC (NYSE: CC), a chemical solutions company. From 2001 through 2015, he served as a director of IDEX Corporation (NYSE: IEX), a global industrial company with key growth platforms in Fluid Metering Technology and Health & Science Technology segments, where he chaired the Nominating and Corporate Governance Committee and Audit Committee and served on the Compensation Committee. From December 2003 through July 2015, he served as a director of Compass Minerals Corporation (NYSE: CMP), an international mining company with operations in salt and specialty nutrients, where he chaired the Compensation Committee and Audit Committee and served on the Nominating and Corporate Governance Committee. From 2009 to 2015, he served as a director and Chairman of the Audit Committee of Coskata Company, a pre-revenue biomass startup with proprietary technology for the production of fuels and chemicals utilizing anaerobic microorganisms. From 2011 to 2014, Mr. Bell served as a director and chairman of the Audit Committee of Virent Corporation, a pre-revenue biochemical company with proprietary technology for producing plastics and other products from plant sugars. From November 2003 to December 2010, Mr. Bell served as Executive Vice President of Nalco Corporation, an industrial water treatment and energy services company. Mr. Bell has over 30 years combined experience as an executive in the technology and manufacturing industries, including positions at Rohm and Haas Company, Whirlpool Corporation and Bundy Corporation. Through his experience, Mr. Bell has developed financial expertise and experience in mergers and acquisitions, private equity and capital markets transactions. He has held directorships at publicly traded companies for over 25 years, during which he chaired governance, audit and compensation committees. Through his executive experience and board memberships, Mr. Bell has acquired training and experience in corporate governance and executive compensation. Mr. Bell received a B.S. in finance with high honors from the University of Illinois and a master of business administration degree with distinction from Harvard University. Mr. Bell is well qualified to serve as director due to his experience in public and private company governance and accounting, including his service on audit, nominating and corporate governance and compensation committees, including his experience with Hennessy I, Hennessy II and Hennessy III.


Britney Spears was an idiot last Thursday, an idiot on Friday, and an idiot on both Saturday and Sunday. She was, shockingly, also an idiot on Monday. It will be news when she stops being an idiot, and we'll know when that happens, because she'll have shot herself for the good of the planet. Britney Spears cutting her hair off is the least-worthy front page news story in the history of humanity.


An autopsy has confirmed that mother of six, Tricia Farrow, was strangled to death.
The autopsy was performed Tuesday morning at the Forensic Science Center in St James.
However, police said that it remained unclear if the 42-year-old woman had been sexually assaulted before her death.
Swabs and DNA samples have been taken to verify the presence of any foreign DNA which would indicate as such.
However, results of those tests are expected to be available over a period of weeks.
Farrow was found dead on Monday morning.
Her body had been hog tied.
Farrow was last seen late on Friday, arguing with relatives outside her home at Bonne Aventure Road, Gasparillo.
A search was mounted in the village with relatives enquiring from neighbours whether anyone knew of her whereabouts.
Her body was discovered behind an abandoned house at Morne Roche Quarry Road, Gasparillo.
Homicide officers attached to the Southern Division are continuing investigations.


Creates a PDO instance to represent a connection to the requested database.
The Data Source Name, or DSN, contains the information required to connect to the database.
In general, a DSN consists of the PDO driver name, followed by a colon, followed by the PDO driver-specific connection syntax. Further information is available from the PDO driver-specific documentation.
dsn contains the full DSN.
dsn consists of uri: followed by a URI that defines the location of a file containing the DSN string. The URI can specify a local file or a remote URL.
dsn consists of a name name that maps to pdo.dsn.name in php.ini defining the DSN string.
The user name for the DSN string. This parameter is optional for some PDO drivers.
The password for the DSN string. This parameter is optional for some PDO drivers.
A key=>value array of driver-specific connection options.
Returns a PDO object on success.
PDO::__construct() throws a PDOException if the attempt to connect to the requested database fails.
5.3.0 Classes which extends PDO and implements the __call magic method will now receive the method name in the declared casing. Previously this was always lower case.
To get UTF-8 charset you can specify that in the DSN.
I'd like to point out that in PHP 7.0 in the dsn parameter you can't use 'host=localhost' to solve this you can use 'host=127.0.0.1' instead.
You musn't specify host when using socket.
If 'example.db' does not exist, no exception is thrown but the file 'example.db' is created.
Although not explicitly stated, parameters in the PDO $dsn string may be case-sensitive on some platforms or drivers.
You will get a fatal error if you don't catch the exception threw by PDO when it fails to connect to the database server like this.
This error neither can be handled by error handlers nor can it be erased by the @ sign, which can make your script uncontrollable.
To connect to the database via a function use this and call the getConnection function in the class constructor.
... your result will be bool(false) and your $db->errorInfo() will be "0000" which isn't very helpful.
You have to look to the $stmt->errorInfo() to see "No database selected" which is even more confusing until you realize that it's not 'database' but 'dbname' in your DSN! You would think the error about a bad DSN would be in the $db errorInfo but it is not, it's not until you try the $stmt that the error is generated.
I wasted a half hour on that one.
The difference here is that `mysql` and `dbname` is with all lower-case.


And his showing at Wembley in the round of 16 first leg at Wembley was one of the best for Dortmund. Sancho admitted he was shocked at the faith they showed in him. saying: "I was so surprised.
During the early days of the Second Battle of Ypres a young Canadian artillery officer, Lieutenant Alexis Helmer, was killed on 2 May, 1915 in the gun positions near Ypres.
Poems about faith, of new beginnings, short poems about god, gods protection, I have arranged these inspirational poems about faith by topic to make it easier for. Inspirational prayer – a list of famous and personal prayers on this website.
Christian women faith articles, encouragement, growth. This is one of his most famous quotes from an essay (Is Theology Poetry) written by C.S. Lewis and.
Here are some quotes, messages, sayings and poems to share this Nirvana Day. The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows – Buddha #spiritual #faith #faithful #yoga #pray.
The best part of the poem, I think, comes in the next six lines. They describe a specific childhood memory that gains symbolic power by uniting Beyoncé's religious faith, the charge she gets from her.
It is a verse from McCrae's most famous poem, which has become. be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields." The poem was.
Aug 22, 2014. This poem has inspired millions. Famous and infamous alike have drawn courage from it. Nelson Mandela recited it on his darker days in.
But what her Sunday Times Bestseller 'Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Race' perhaps best showcases is her refusal to. brings together essays from 17 Muslim women on faith, the hijab.
Daniil Kharms's poem "Play," the last one featured in "Fire Horse," is the best known; I remember. the airplane), to embody a leap of radical faith, they dismantle the kind of submissive.
i have just read your poem and i loved it! it touched me in a way that can not be described. i also write love poems and i thought yours was brilliant. keep going and good luck!
Below, we've rounded up the biggest and best art shows you need to know about this season. Wong's show will consist of altars, sculpture poems, and belongings alongside texts that evoke her.
In "Almeda" she runs through a long list of "black things" — "black skin, black braids, black waves" — before insisting, "Black faith still can. like Solange and her famous sister — reciting a poem.
"Slough" is a ten-stanza poem by Sir John Betjeman, first published in his 1937 collection Continual Dew. The British town of Slough was used as a dump for war surplus materials in the interwar years, and then abruptly became the home of 850 new factories just before World War II. The sudden appearance of this "Trading Estate", which was quickly widely reproduced throughout Britain, prompted.
In spite of everything, the best literature reaffirms my love for and abiding faith in humanity, in the human potential. he began reciting all kinds of poetry to me, especially the poems of.
Jun 8, 2017. Like the famous Edith Piaf song, 'Non, je ne regrette rien', this poem. Many people call upon their sense of religious faith during difficult times.
Faith Holmes was around 6 years old when her mother took her. And it is how she now runs her community cafe in a gentrified Washington neighborhood on 14th Street NW near the famous U Street.
Who Was Edgar Allan Poe? Edgar Allan Poe (January 19, 1809 to October 7, 1849) was an American writer, poet, critic and editor best known for evocative short stories and poems that captured the.
Jan 31, 2019. Only 10 of Emily Dickinson's nearly 1,800 poems are known to have been. ruled the poet's early years was evangelical Calvinism, a faith centred on the. Britannica Classic: Emily DickinsonThis dramatized "dialogue" of.
"He perceived that a time that had lost its faith in the future had also lost its grip on the. still the architect's best known work in the United States. "At the time, MoMA" — the Museum of Modern.
The great poet chronicled the turmoil of the Spanish Civil War and the rise of Fascism but he later renounced his most radical and ardent political work. "Depression, strikes, the hunger.
Rich Land of the Southern Baptist Convention hit the two poles of overly emphatic rhetoric in one breath, first invoking the Holocaust by reciting Martin Niemöller famous poem "First they.
"I don't just throw up my hands in exasperation and say, 'I can't do that,' or 'God has abandoned me or punished me,' but faith in the sense that there are natural occurrences that we cannot control.
The poems and prayers below are grouped into the following categories: Most Popular. We must have faith and confidence in God and in His way, For He will.
It seems likely, also,, in some way, to have contributed to her mental instability. Yet, at the same time, faith was central to her muse. Many of her best poems drew on it for their imagery, their.
Brown/Getty Images So, it appears the Republican Senate candidate in Ohio flew to a meeting of "faith leaders" in a plane owned. In which speech, she appeared to paraphrase a famous Holocaust poem.
World War I also led to a profusion of art, including poet Wilfred Owen's famous poem "Dulce et Decorum Est," written before. Gurney's "Since I Believe," for example, expresses Gurney's struggle.
Apr 27, 2016. This poem was originally published in Xaipe (New York: Oxford. as E. E. Cummings, is one of America's most famous twentieth-century poets. a pastor's son, in the Unitarian faith, which emphasizes the oneness of God.
This close-mindedness will surely backfire on the Democrats, as more and more people of faith realize they are not at home among liberals who have abandoned Liberalism. Recall the famous poem by.
Poems by famous poets like William Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Pablo Neruda. Love poems, Sad poems, Wedding poems. Comment and discuss, ask.


During Mandalabishekam Nithiya poojas & archanas (daily rituals) will be performed.
Vinayaga Chathurthi, Shashti , Kaarthigai, Pradosam and Full moon rituals will be performed. However, no procession of Deities will take place.
Please create a ticket if you require specific details.
HSV is the author of this solution article.


Indian food has come a long way and we don't just mean in kilometers…..
Our food is all about today's tastes and ingredients, while not forgetting the classics you would expect on our menu.
Today's tastes, because we know that people want to eat healthier……eat cleaner.
That's why we've created so many balanced new recipes to prove that, whether you're looking for Paleo, IIFYM, superfood or vegan meal options, our Indian food can give you what you're after in a totally tasty way!
Any today's ingredients, because we're still proud to say that every item on our menu is prepared and cooked from scratch, using locally sourced ingredients and where possible, Irish produce, every day of the week. We even make our own yoghurt for our marinades and dips!
Welcome to Indian food like you never thought possible ?
We have completed full nutritionals on lots of our delicious dishes, certified by professional dietitian Orla Walsh Nutrition (O.W.N).
Looking for a low-carb alternative to Basmati rice, why not try our new Smoky Cauliflower?


The risk that over indebted households pose to the outlook is something widely acknowledged by the RBA. In a speech yesterday the RBA sought to alleviate some fears around households risk by delving into how household balance sheets have evolved over time.
Yesterday, Assistant Governor Michele Bullock delivered a speech titled 'The Evolution of Household Sector Risks'. As is usually the case with detailed speeches from the RBA it was full of data and charts which generally provide valuable insight.
After highlighting the growth in household debt in Australia which has seen us rise towards the top of the pile when it comes to debt to income ratios, Bullock tried to downplay the risk posed by the elevated levels of debt.
Despite acknowledging that there is a genuine risk that some households at the margin could be at risk, the conclusion was that on average, most households are in a position to meet potential challenges that lie ahead.
There is a real risk that the negative feedback loop mentioned above could evolve in Australia. What is important to note is that the scenario above doesn't take into account tightening lending standards, out of cycle rate hikes and the switch from interest only to principle and interest, all things that will add additional downside risk.
The most important point is that it might not even take an adverse shock to trigger it. Continuing pressures and the steady decline in house prices could eventually lead to a tipping point that results in the negative feedback loop.
While it isn't part of their core outlook, the risk of a housing market downturn impacting household consumption is a greater risk than the RBA is current suggesting.


The students below are currently studying International Business (in English) at the DHBW Loerrach. If you are a prospective student with questions concerning the course, admissions or even what the city of Loerrach is like then please feel free to contact these students. They will do their best to help you with any questions you may have and tell you about their experiences.
Advice: "If you decide to study International Business you should be aware that it requires a good time management and discipline. But if you are interested in daily economic events , learning languages, studying in groups of international fellows and applying your learned competences within your semester abroad you will notice that learning for exams will be much easier and enjoyable than you might think."
Advice: "Out of my own experience I can say that there is no need to worry about the language, all the important terms are easily learned along the way."
Advice: "In this study program you will be confronted with students from various countries and cultures. Be open-minded to those people because if you do so, you will get to know great people with interesting stories and you may build long lasting friendships."
Advice: "Asking questions is the fastest way to learn. Therefore, don't be afraid to ask exactly how the school system works or specific questions about the IB courses. And of course, don't forget to ask about the night life."


text:
Stitt requests a special audit of Tulsa Public Schools
By Megan Prather -
Gov. Kevin Stitt requested that the Oklahoma State Auditor & Inspector's Office complete a special audit of Tulsa Public Schools on Thursday, July 7, 2022. (Screenshot)
A letter from two members of the Tulsa Public Schools Board of Education has prompted Oklahoma Gov. Kevin Stitt today to request that the State Auditor & Inspector's Office conduct a special audit of the district.
"As one of the largest districts in the state, TPS received over $200 million in COVID federal relief funds. TPS also stayed closed the longest — over 300 days." Stitt said in a statement. "Board members, parents, students and teachers deserve to know how that money was spent. I'm also concerned that TPS may have violated state law, specifically HB 1775, which bans public schools from teaching critical race theory."
The audit request comes after reports by the Tulsa World that Tulsa Public Schools officials are cooperating with the Tulsa County District Attorney's Office regarding an investigation into about $20,000 in contract irregularities found within the district's Talent Management Department. The report states that while the irregularities occurred more two years ago, they weren't brought to the attention of TPS administration until last month.
On Wednesday, it was reported that the school board would hold a special meeting this evening with an executive session to discuss the resignation of chief talent and equity officer Devin Fletcher and an investigation into claims that an Atlanta-based contractor, Snicklebox LLC., made payments to district employees.
In the letter, which was sent to the governor July 1, school board members E'Lena Ashley and Jennettie Marshall requested the audit owing to the "troubling" information disclosed by Tulsa Public Schools Superintendent Deborah Gist.
"There is significant concern and substantiating evidence that processes and state contract laws may have been violated and that this is not a one-time situation, but a pattern of operation," the letter states.
'We believe that most of the board members are in the dark'
The letter from board members requesting the audit goes on to allege that members of the Tulsa Public Schools Board were unaware of the investigation being conducted into financial losses, possibly at the hands of a district employee.
"Without further elaboration from Superintendent Gist, we believe that most of the board members are in the dark," the letter states.
In Stitt's letter to State Auditor & Inspector Cindy Byrd requesting the audit, the governor outlines the three reasons for the request, including:
The almost $20,000 in irregularities tied to a vendor contract within the Talent Management Department, which two school board members say was investigated internally while leaving board members in the dark;
The approximately $205 million in ESSER funds received by the district; and
Sources who have publicly indicated that TPS may have conducted a training in contradiction to HB 1775 and the administrative rules adopted in response to the legislation, which banned the teaching of critical race theory.
Rep. Monroe Nichols (D-Tulsa) called Stitt out on Twitter, where the announcement about the special audit request was initially posted, and said the governor likely does not understand the definition of critical race theory.
"I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what CRT is, but based on the makeup of his staff he clearly thinks one race is inherently superior," Nichols said.
In September, Stitt called for an investigative audit of the State Department of Education. In 2019, he requested an investigative audit of Epic Charter Schools.
Meanwhile, Stitt's administration has drawn criticism and the interest of federal investigators for how millions of dollars in Governor's Emergency Education Relief funds were distributed.
(Correction: This article was updated at 10:18 a.m. Friday, July 8, to correct reference to Monroe Nichols' party affiliation.)
#oklaed
Deborah Gist
E'Lena Ashley
Jennettie Marshall
Monroe Nichols
Oklahoma State Auditor
Oklahoma State Department of Education
Tulsa Public Schools
Megan Prather
Megan Prather served as NonDoc's education reporter from September 2020 to August 2022. She holds a degree in mass communications from the University of Central Oklahoma, and she has covered an array of topics for publications like the Oklahoma Gazette, the Duncan Banner and the Tinker Take Off.
Pugh education agenda: Teacher pay raise, maternity leave, reforms


text:
## My Weird School #11

Mrs. Kormel Is Not Normal!

## Dan Gutman

Pictures by

Jim Paillot

To Emma

## Contents

 Never Kiss Your Mom in Public

2  Mrs. Kormel's Secret Language

3  My Head Almost Exploded

4  Are We There Yet?

5  The Middle of Nowhere

6  The Nude Kid's Dad

7  Fighting Evil Under the Bus

8  Striker Smith's Final Battle

9  We Are Survivors

10  Mrs. Kormel Is Driving Us Crazy

11  We Finally Meet the Nude Kid

About the Author and the Illustrator

Credits

Copyright

About the Publisher

##

## Never Kiss Your Mom in Public

My name is A.J. and I hate school.

Do you know which is the worst day of the week? If you ask me, it's Monday. Because Monday is the start of five days of school in a row. That's horrible!

Tuesday and Wednesday aren't so great either.

Thursday is a pretty good day, because then we only have one day of school left before the weekend.

Friday is really good, because that's when the school week is over.

But the best day of the week is Saturday. I play peewee football on Saturday, and we don't have school again for two whole days.

Too bad it was Monday morning. I was waiting in front of my house for the school bus with my mom.

"You be a good boy, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I will."

"Don't get into any trouble, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I won't."

"Remember to raise your hand when you want to talk, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I will."

"Don't shoot straw wrappers at the girls, A.J.," my mom told me.

"I won't."

My mom told me about a million hundred other things I wasn't allowed to do until I saw the yellow school bus coming around the corner.

"Mom, I promise not to have any fun at all," I said. "Bye!"

The bus pulled up. Mrs. Kormel, the bus driver, pushed a button and made the little STOP sign pop out the side of the bus so the cars on the street will stop. We call it the magic STOP sign. That thing is cool.

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

No way I was going to kiss my mother in front of all the kids staring out the bus window. That's the first rule of being a kid. Don't ever kiss your mother when other kids are watching!

"Uh, I don't want to be late for school, Mom."

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

"That's not gonna happen, Mom."

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

"Over my dead body, Mom."

"Give Mommy a kiss, A.J."

"I will if you give me a hundred dollars, Mom," I said.

My mother tried to wrap her arms around me, but I know how to get away from tacklers. When Mom went to grab me, I threw her a head fake, spun away, and gave her a few of my best fancy foot-work moves that I learned playing peewee football. She didn't have a chance! I sidestepped her and ran on the bus before she could hug or kiss me.

Ha-ha-ha! My mom can't play football for beans. Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on her!

##

## Mrs. Kormel's Secret Language

I dashed on the bus and there was Mrs. Kormel, the school bus driver. She was wearing a crash helmet on her head and a silver whistle around her neck.

"Bingle boo, A.J.!" she said.

"Bingle boo, Mrs. Kormel."

"Bingle boo" is Mrs. Kormel's way of saying "hello." One time I asked her why she doesn't just say "hello" like normal people.

"I'm inventing my own secret language," she told me. "Everybody says 'hello.' But I think 'hello' is boring. I'm trying to get people to switch from saying 'hello' to saying 'bingle boo.' Secret languages are fun!"

Mrs. Kormel is not normal.

"Limpus kidoodle," said Mrs. Kormel. That means "sit down" in Mrs. Kormel's secret language.

I looked around the bus. There was a snot-covered kindergartner in the front row behind Mrs. Kormel, and a few angry fifth graders in the back row.

Fifth graders are really mean because they get a lot of homework. The more homework you get, the meaner you are. That's why fifth graders are meaner than fourth graders, and fourth graders are meaner than third graders, and third graders are meaner than second graders.

You don't want to go near seventh or eighth graders. They get lots of homework, and they just hate the world. I hope I never get to high school.

I sat down in the middle by myself. Mrs. Kormel stopped the bus at the next corner, and a few other kids got on. At the stop after that, my friends Ryan and Michael got on.

"Bingle boo!" Mrs. Kormel said to Ryan and Michael. "Limpus kidoodle."

Ryan and Michael sat down next to me.

"What did you bring in for Show and Share?" Ryan asked. "I brought in an old light switch."

"I brought in a ball of string," said Michael.

Show and Share is when we bring something from home that starts with a certain letter of the alphabet and talk about it in class. Today's letter was s.

I took my Show and Share thing out of my backpack. It was an action figure called Striker Smith. He's a superhero from the future who travels through time and fights bad guys with a sharp sword that's attached to his hand. He can turn into a jet plane, too, and fly when you push a button. I saw a commercial for Striker Smith on TV and bugged my parents until they finally got it for me.

"Striker Smith belongs to a secret organization of crime fighters," I told Ryan and Michael, in case they didn't see the commercial.

"You should get extra credit," Ryan said, "because Striker Smith has two S 's."

"He's cool," said Michael. "Sometimes I take my old action figures down to the basement and my dad lets me saw them in half or torture them with his power drill."

"I take mine out in the sun and melt their faces with a magnifying glass," said Ryan.

Michael and Ryan are weird.

At the next stop, this really annoying girl in my class named Andrea who thinks she knows everything got on the bus with curly brown hair. Well, the bus didn't have curly brown hair. Andrea did.

"Bingle boo, Andrea!" said Mrs. Kormel.

"Bingle boo," Andrea said. "I'll go limpus kidoodle now."

What a brownnoser! Andrea plopped her dumb self down in the seat right in front of me, like always.

"Good morning, Arlo," she said.

I hate her.

Andrea's mother found out that A.J. stands for Arlo Jervis, so Andrea went and told everybody. It was the worst day of my life. I thought I was gonna die. I wanted to switch schools or move to Antarctica and go live with the penguins, but my mom wouldn't let me.

Penguins are cool.

"Are you boys ready for the big spelling test this afternoon?" Andrea asked.

Oh no. I forgot all about the big dumb spelling test! How can I be expected to remember stuff over the weekend? Weekends are for having fun, not for studying for tests. I hate spelling.

"Do you know how to spell 'spelling,' A.J.?" asked Andrea.

"Sure," I said. "I-H-A-T-E-Y-O-U."

Michael and Ryan laughed.

"I made my own spelling flash cards," Andrea told us, "and I'm going to use them for Show and Share, too. Because spelling begins with an s."

I was going to tell Andrea that "stupid" also begins with an s and that's what she is, but I decided I would save that and use it the next time she really got me mad.

Andrea turned around so she wasn't facing us anymore. I picked up Striker Smith and pretended that he was going to attack the back of her head with his sword. It was hilarious. Michael and Ryan laughed. But Andrea turned around suddenly, before I could take Striker Smith away from her head.

"That's a nice doll, Arlo," she said.

"It's not a doll!" I told her. "It's an action figure!"

"My mother told me that action figures are dolls for boys," said Andrea.

"They are not!" I said.

"Are too!" said Andrea.

We went back and forth like that for a while.

"Striker Smith is a one-man wrecking machine," I told Andrea. "He belongs to a secret organization of crime fighters. If Striker got into a fight with one of your dumb dolls, he would rip its head off."

"Dolls don't fight," Andrea said.

"Striker Smith does," I said.

"I thought you said he wasn't a doll, Arlo."

Why can't a bus filled with spelling flash cards fall on Andrea's head?

##

## My Head Almost Exploded

"Bingle boo! Limpus kidoodle," said Mrs. Kormel.

Andrea's equally annoying crybaby friend Emily got on the bus in front of her house. She sat down next to Andrea, and they studied Andrea's dumb flash cards together.

"Is everybody here?" asked Mrs. Kormel after she picked up a few more kids.

"Yes," we all said.

"If you're not here, raise your hand."

I knew that was a trick question, because if somebody wasn't there we wouldn't be able to see if their hand was up. But just to be on the safe side, I got up in my seat to see if anybody who wasn't there had their hand up.

"Limpus kidoodle, A.J.," said Mrs. Kormel.

In case you don't remember, that means "sit down." Mrs. Kormel doesn't like it when we get out of our seats.

"No standing on the seats," said Mrs. Kormel.

"Can I kneel on my seat?" I asked.

"You can only kneel on your seat if your name is Neil. Anyone named Neil may kneel."

"Can I stand if my name is Stan?" asked Ryan.

"Okay," said Mrs. Kormel. "If your name is Stan, you can stand."

"I can't stand sitting down," Michael said.

"Nobody can stand sitting down," Ryan said. "If you're sitting down, you're not standing."

"Can you crouch if your name is Crouch?" I asked.

"There's nobody named Crouch!" Andrea told me. She thinks she knows everything.

"Oh yeah?" I said. "What about that guy on Sesame Street named Oscar the Crouch?"

"That's Oscar the Grouch, dumbhead!" Andrea said.

I knew that.

"Now that we're all here, how about singing a song to make the ride go quicker?" suggested Mrs. Kormel.

"Let's sing 'The Wheels on the Bus'!" said Andrea. "I love that song."

"I hate that song," I said. "Can we sing 'Ninety-nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall'?"

Mrs. Kormel said we couldn't sing about beer because kids aren't allowed to drink beer. I wouldn't want to drink beer even if I was allowed to. My dad gave me a sip of his beer once. I thought I was gonna throw up. Mrs. Kormel said we could sing "Ninety-nine Bottles of Pop on the Wall" if we wanted to.

The girls started singing "The Wheels on the Bus." The boys started singing "Ninety-nine Bottles of Pop on the Wall." Me and Michael and Ryan tried to sing louder than all the girls. Andrea and Emily tried to sing louder than all the boys. It was really loud in there.

Soon everybody on the bus was screaming, and kids were bouncing around like Mexican jumping beans. I covered my ears so my head wouldn't explode.

Something about being on a school bus makes you want to go crazy. Maybe it's all that yellow.

I'll bet Mrs. Kormel was sorry she told us to sing. Suddenly she blew her whistle really loud.

"Zingy zip!" she yelled.

That's her way of saying "quiet down" in her secret language. Everybody stopped singing.

"Shhhhh, my cell phone is ringing," said Mrs. Kormel. "It's Mr. Klutz."

Mr. Klutz is our principal. He is like the king of the school. He's bald, too. One time he kissed a pig. This other time he got stuck on the top of the flagpole. Another time he was climbing the school, and the custodian had to rescue him by sticking one of those toilet plungers on his head. We saw it live and in person. Mr. Klutz is nuts!

"What does Mr. Klutz want?" somebody yelled.

Mrs. Kormel finished talking to Mr. Klutz and turned around to whisper something to the boy in the row behind her. He turned around and whispered something to the girl in the row behind him. She turned and whispered something to the girl in the row across from her, who then turned and whispered something to Michael.

"We have to go pick up a nude kid," Michael whispered.

"A nude kid?" I said. "That's disgusting!"

"That nude kid better not sit next to me," said Ryan.

"Tell the nude kid to put some clothes on!" said Michael.

##

## Are We There Yet?

We hadn't even met him yet, but suddenly everybody on the bus was buzzing about the nude kid.

"Some people don't believe in wearing clothes," said Andrea, who thinks she knows everything. "They're called nudists."

"I call 'em freaks," said Ryan.

"My parents say we should respect and celebrate people's differences," Emily said.

"Your parents are weird," I told her.

"What's the big deal?" Andrea asked. "After all, we were born without clothing."

"You were born without a brain," I couldn't resist adding. Anytime anyone says anything about being born, always say they were born without a brain. That's the first rule of being a kid.

"I'm nude under my clothes," Ryan told us.

"Thanks for sharing that with us," I told him. "Now I'm totally grossed out."

Andrea said that nudists save a lot of money because they don't have to buy clothes. But Michael said that nudists have to spend a lot of money because they always have to buy sunscreen. But Emily said that nudists save a lot of money because they don't have to do laundry. But Ryan said that nudists have to spend a lot of money to heat their houses because they're so cold.

"The nude kid probably doesn't even have a closet at home," I said, "because he doesn't have any clothes to put in it."

"Do you think nude kids are allowed to wear hats?" asked Michael.

"Zingy zip!" yelled Mrs. Kormel.

Mrs. Kormel had pulled out a big map and she had it opened up on top of the steering wheel. She told us we had to be quiet while she figured out the directions. I bet it's hard to drive and look at a map at the same time.

To make things even worse, it started raining. Mrs. Kormel put the windshield wipers on. All the girls started to sing, "'The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish, swish swish swish, swish swish swish!'"

"Zingy zip!" Mrs. Kormel yelled again. "I can't concentrate."

We drove for a long time in the rain. It was hard to go so long without talking.

"Are we there yet?" somebody asked.

"No," said Mrs. Kormel.

"Are we lost?" Emily asked.

"Of course not," said Mrs. Kormel. "I just don't know where we are."

"Oh no, we're going to miss Show and Share!" Andrea said to Emily, like she was all worried. "And I spent all weekend making my spelling flash cards."

Ha-ha-ha! I spent all weekend playing football. Nah-nah-nah boo-boo on her! We were going to be late for school. It was great! I hoped Mrs. Kormel wouldn't find the right way to the nude kid's house for a while. Because right after Show and Share, we have math.

And I hate math.

##

## The Middle of Nowhere

Mrs. Kormel drove for a million hundred hours, and we still hadn't reached the nude kid's house. Where was it? Now Show and Share was over for sure. We probably missed math, too. If we didn't get to school soon, we would miss our DEAR time. That stands for Drop Everything and Read.

I hate reading.

Finally we drove by some big trucks and there was a sign that said DETOUR.

"Hey, we're going to take a tour," said Ryan. "Tours are cool!"

"Detours aren't tours, dumbhead!" said Andrea. "Workers are fixing the road, so Mrs. Kormel has to get off this road and go another way to the nude kid's house."

"Bix blattinger!" said Mrs. Kormel as she slammed her fist against the steering wheel.

I don't know what "bix blattinger" means, but that's what Mrs. Kormel always says when she gets really angry or frustrated.

"What does 'bix blattinger' mean, Mrs. Kormel?" I asked.

"Never you mind!" said Mrs. Kormel.

"I think Mrs. Kormel must have said a bad word," said Ryan.

"But she said it in her secret language," Michael said, "so we won't know what it means."

You shouldn't say bad words. We all tried to figure out which bad word Mrs. Kormel said. I had heard most of the bad words, but Michael and Ryan knew a few that I didn't know and they taught them to me. So even though we were really late for school, it was still a learning experience.

After we got off the regular road, the road we were on wasn't even a real road. It was more like a jungle or a swamp or something. There were these big plants slapping against the bus windows. The ride was bumpy, and it was still raining. Mrs. Kormel could barely see in front of her.

"This is like the rainforest," Andrea said.

"I hope we don't get eaten by alligators," said Michael.

"Look!" somebody yelled. A family of ducks was crossing the road in front of us.

"They're cute!" shouted all the girls.

"Let's run them over!" shouted all the boys.

I didn't really want Mrs. Kormel to run over the ducks, but it was hilarious anyway.

Mrs. Kormel kept on driving, but I didn't see the nude kid's house anywhere. In fact, I didn't see any houses. Or human beings.

"Where are we?" somebody asked.

"The middle of nowhere," said Mrs. Kormel.

I said it was too bad we weren't at the edge of nowhere. Because if we were at the edge of nowhere, we'd be right next to the edge of somewhere. And the edge of somewhere is near the middle of somewhere, which is where we wanted to be.

Ryan said we were probably close to the nude kid's house. Because if you were nude, you'd probably live in the middle of nowhere. That way, nobody would see you. And that's where we were. It made sense to me.

Andrea looked at her watch and got all upset.

"We missed DEAR time!" she complained. "We're very late for school now."

Ha-ha-ha! This was the greatest day of my life!

"Don't worry, Andrea," said Mrs. Kormel. "I'll get you to school if it's the last thing I do."

Just then I had a genius thought. Right after DEAR time is spelling. I hate spelling. And if we'd missed DEAR time and we weren't even at the nude kid's house yet, there was a good chance that we were going to miss spelling, too. And that meant we would miss the big spelling test, which I didn't study for!

I decided that the nude kid was the coolest kid in the history of the world. Thanks to him, we were going to miss the big spelling test.

"Bix blattinger!" said Mrs. Kormel.

"Ooooh!" we all said. "Mrs. Kormel said that bad word again!"

##

## The Nude Kid's Dad

Finally Mrs. Kormel stopped the bus in front of a house and pushed the button to make the magic STOP sign pop out.

"This must be the nude kid's house," Ryan said.

It looked like a pretty normal house. There was a swing set on the lawn and a car in the driveway. You would never know that nudists lived there.

Nobody came out of the house, so Mrs. Kormel honked the horn. We all craned our necks to get a look at the nude kid, but he didn't come out.

"Where is he?" Ryan asked.

Suddenly the front door of the house opened. A guy came out with an umbrella. And it was the most amazing thing in the history of the world. You know why?

Because the guy had clothes on!

The guy with clothes on came over to the bus. He climbed up the steps and said something to Mrs. Kormel.

"Bix blattinger!" muttered Mrs. Kormel after the guy got off the bus. She was probably mad at Mr. Klutz because he made her drive all the way out to the nude kid's house and the nude kid wasn't even there.

"What did he say?" we all asked. "What did he say?"

"He said his wife drove their son to school today on her way to work," Mrs. Kormel told us. "She didn't want him to be late on his first day of school."

"Maybe she took him to buy some clothes," said Michael.

Mrs. Kormel closed the bus door and made the magic STOP sign go back. Before the nude kid's dad went inside his house, me and Ryan leaned out the window and yelled to him.

"Hey, mister! Do you sleep with clothes on and then take them off after you wake up?"

"Where does your son keep his lunch money if he doesn't have pockets?"

It was hilarious. The nude kid's dad just looked at us with this confused expression on his face. Then he went inside.

Nudists are weird.

##

## Fighting Evil Under the Bus

Finally we were back on the road. Mrs. Kormel was mad at Mr. Klutz for making her drive to the nude kid's house for nothing. I was mad because we would be at school soon. Andrea was mad because spelling was over and she didn't get the chance to take the big spelling test and show everybody how smart she was. Well, nah-nah-nah boo-boo on Andrea! She would go to school on the weekend if it was open.

The rain stopped. I was getting hungry. We had missed snack time. It was probably close to lunchtime. We were bored, too, and sick of sitting on the bus.

Ryan flipped his light switch on and off. Michael played with his ball of string. I played with Striker Smith. That's when I got the most genius idea in the history of the world! We could tie Michael's string to Striker Smith's leg and fly him out the window!

Michael and Ryan realized what a genius I was. We tied the string to Striker Smith and opened the window.

"You're going to get in trouble, A.J.," said Andrea. "We're not supposed to hold things out the window."

"Can you possibly be any more boring?" I asked Andrea. "We're not holding anything out the window. The string will hold him."

Ryan tossed Striker Smith out the window.

"Look!" Ryan said. "He's flying!"

It was cool. Striker Smith was doing loops in the air. You should have been there.

"He's fighting evil outside the bus!" said Michael.

"Mrs. Kormel!" Andrea whined. "A.J. threw his doll out the window!"

"It's not a doll!" I told Andrea. "It's an action figure. And it's none of your beeswax."

What is her problem?

It didn't matter what Andrea said, because Mrs. Kormel didn't hear her anyway. Striker Smith was flying outside the bus, dipping and diving in the wind. He is so cool.

The only problem was that suddenly Striker Smith dove down so far that we couldn't see him anymore.

"Where is he?" asked Ryan.

"He's fighting evil under the bus," I said.

But I don't think Striker Smith was fighting evil under the bus. Because that's when I heard a pop, and then a hissing sound.

Hisssssssss!

##

## Striker Smith's Final Battle

Ryan pulled the string up. There was nothing on the other end! Striker Smith was gone!

Suddenly the ride got all bumpy. Mrs. Kormel pulled off the side of the road. She opened the door and got out to see what was the matter.

"You're in big trouble, A.J.," Andrea said.

"So is your face," I replied.

Mrs. Kormel came back on the bus. She was holding Striker Smith in her hand. Or what was left of him, anyway. His head was gone. So was one of his legs and the arm that used to hold his sword.

I felt bad. My parents probably paid a lot of money to get me this cool action figure, and now it was totally crushed. On the other hand, it is also a well-known fact that crushing stuff and pulling the limbs off action figures is cool.

All in all, I was just happy that Show and Share was over. It wouldn't be very cool to show the class an action figure that was missing an arm, a leg, and his head.

"Who does this belong to?" asked Mrs. Kormel.

Andrea looked at me. I looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at me. Mrs. Kormel looked at me. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. I had to think fast.

"I said, who does this belong to?"

"Striker Smith belongs to a secret organization of crime fighters," I said.

I thought Mrs. Kormel was going to be really mad. But she just told us all to get off the bus. She said we had a flat tire and she was going to call Mr. Klutz to send somebody out to fix it. In the meantime, we'd have to wait outside.

"Now we're going to miss lunch!" one of the mean fifth graders complained.

"Who cares about lunch?" said somebody else. "We're going to miss recess!"

"It's all Arlo's fault," said Andrea.

"It is not," I said.

"It is too."

"Oh yeah?" I said. "Well, stupid begins with an s and that's what you are."

Ha-ha-ha! In her face!

We all got off the bus. It was a quiet road, and there were no other cars or houses or people around. Me and Ryan and Michael went to look at the flat tire. Striker Smith's sword was stuck right in the tire with his arm still attached to it. It was cool. It was like that story "The Sword in the Stone," except with a tire.

Mrs. Kormel tried to call Mr. Klutz on her cell phone, but something was wrong, and she started stamping her feet and yelling.

"Bix blattinger!" she yelled. "My cell phone battery is dead!"

Mrs. Kormel said she would have to fix the flat tire herself. She told us to get our lunches and have a little picnic on the sidewalk while she got out her tools and the spare tire.

Not everybody had brought a lunch bag, because some kids buy the school lunch. They must be nuts. The school lunch is usually rubber hot dogs, chicken nuggets that bounce, and nachos that glow in the dark. I wouldn't eat the school lunch if I was starving and there was no other food left in the world.

Mrs. Kormel asked us to share some of our food with kids who didn't bring a lunch. I gave my tuna sandwich to one of the first graders, but I kept my pudding treat.

I always eat my treat first anyway. You should always eat your treat first because if an asteroid hits the earth in the middle of lunch and destroys the planet, well, at least you got to eat your dessert. That's the first rule of being a kid. It would be a major bummer if the earth was destroyed by an asteroid and you didn't have the chance to eat dessert.

"Hey," Ryan said, "look what I found!"

It was Striker Smith's head! Ryan found it at the side of the road.

We decided right away to hold a funeral for the head. Michael dug a little hole in the dirt, and we dropped the head into it. Some of the other boys on the bus gathered around.

"Farewell, Striker," Ryan said solemnly. "You defeated the mighty tire. You sacrificed your life, so that others might not have to go to school. You paid the ultimate price, made the ultimate sacrifice so that we can live in freedom from reading, writing, and arithmetic. Long live Striker Smith. We will always remember you."

It was really sad. I almost cried when Michael said a little prayer:

Ashes to ashes,

Dust to dusted.

We buried Striker Smith,

Because he was busted.

He was really cool,

But now he's dead.

It's hard to live

When you don't have a head.

We covered up Striker's grave, and Ryan said we should have a moment of silence in honor of our fallen superhero.

It was really quiet. Then, in the middle of our moment of silence, Andrea said, "Boys are dumbheads."

##

## We Are Survivors

Finally Mrs. Kormel fixed the flat tire and said we could get back on the bus. She was all sweaty, and her hair was messed up, and her hands were covered with grease. She looked too tired to be mad at me or Mr. Klutz or anybody else. She just got into her bus driver's seat and hit the gas. The bus lurched forward, and we all fell back in our seats.

It was really late. Andrea complained that we might have missed social studies. Ha-ha-ha! That was fine with me. I hate social studies. Why is it called social studies anyway?

Mrs. Kormel was driving fast! We were far from school. It looked to me like we were still in the middle of nowhere. The road was really bumpy, and it was wet from the rain. Mrs. Kormel was having trouble keeping the bus in the middle of the road. I was afraid she might drive right off the side of the road.

And what happened next was the most amazing thing in the history of the world.

Do you want to know what happened?

I'm not going to tell you.

Well, okay, I'll tell you.

Mrs. Kormel drove right off the side of the road!

"Bix blattinger!" shouted Mrs. Kormel.

The bus skidded to a stop. Some kids even fell out of their seats! It was hilarious. You should have been there.

"Is everybody okay?" Mrs. Kormel asked.

"Yeah!" me and Michael and Ryan said. "That was fun. Can we do it again?"

"We're stuck in a ditch," said Mrs. Kormel. "We're not going anywhere."

"What are we going to do now?" asked Emily. She looked like she was going to cry. I was amazed that Emily hadn't cried yet. She usually can't go five minutes without crying about something.

"I don't know what to do," Mrs. Kormel said sadly. "My cell phone is dead. I guess we'll just have to wait for help to arrive."

"Too bad Striker Smith isn't here," I said. "He would know what to do."

"If you hadn't thrown that dumb doll out the window, none of this would have happened!" yelled Andrea.

"He's not a doll!" I yelled right back at her.

"Zingy zip!" yelled Mrs. Kormel.

Everybody was really depressed. We just sat there on the bus. There was nobody around. No houses. No stores. No nothing. Nobody was going to rescue us. It felt like we had been on the bus a million hundred hours.

It occurred to me that we might not only miss the rest of the school day, we might miss the rest of our lives! We could sit there forever. We could die out there!

Suddenly I felt hungry. I wished I hadn't given my sandwich to that first grader. I was starving. I was afraid my stomach might eat itself.

My friend Billy who lives around the corner from me and was in second grade last year told me he once heard about some guy who was stranded on an airplane, and he ate a seat cushion to survive.

"We might have to eat the seat cushions," I told Michael and Ryan.

Ryan looked at the seat cushion.

There's something you need to know about Ryan. He will eat anything, even stuff that is not food. One time we gave him a dollar to eat dirt.

Ryan got down on the floor and took a little bite from the corner of the cushion.

"Ugh," he said. "It's horrible."

"Put some ketchup on it," suggested Michael. "Ketchup makes anything taste good."

Michael gave Ryan a little ketchup packet from his lunch bag. Ryan put it on the seat cushion and took a tiny bite.

"It's not bad, actually," Ryan said.

Ryan is weird.

It was so boring sitting there waiting for somebody to rescue us. I almost wished we were at school. Almost.

"I saw this reality TV show where some people were stranded on a dessert island," Michael said.

"It's not a dessert island, dumbhead," Andrea turned around to say. "It's a desert island. One s. 'Desserts' is one of our spelling words this week." Then she held up her dumb flash card with the word "desserts" on it.

"Who asked you?" Ryan asked.

"A dessert island would be cool to be stranded on," I said. "There would be ice cream and candy and treats everywhere."

"Hey, look," said Emily, "I just noticed that 'desserts' is 'stressed' spelled backward."

"So what?" asked Ryan. "'Backward' is 'drawkcab' backward."

"Who cares what 'backward' is backward?" asked Andrea.

"'Bus' is 'sub' backward," I mentioned.

"Bix blattinger!" shouted Mrs. Kormel. "Will you please zingy zip?"

I couldn't blame Mrs. Kormel for being mad. It was a rough day for her. We had to whisper after that.

"Hey," whispered Michael, "I just thought of something. Maybe we're on a reality TV show right now and we don't even know it."

"That's impossible," Ryan whispered. "If we didn't know we were on a reality TV show, we wouldn't be talking about us being on a reality TV show."

"I think Michael is right," I said, looking around to see if there were any hidden cameras. "Maybe this was all planned in advance for the reality TV show we're on right now."

"Oh yeah?" said Andrea. "Who planned for you to throw your doll out the window and cause a flat tire?"

"It's not a doll!" I said. "Don't you have any respect for the dead?"

"If this is a reality TV show," Ryan said, "we're going to have to vote somebody off the bus."

"Why?" asked Emily.

"Because that's what they always do on reality TV shows, dumbhead!" I said. "You vote somebody off and they have to leave."

"But why?" asked Emily.

"Because that's the rule!" Michael told Emily. She doesn't know anything about reality TV shows.

"I vote for Andrea," I said.

"I vote for A.J.," Andrea said.

"Ooooh!" Ryan said. "A.J. and Andrea voted for each other. They must be in love!"

"When are you gonna get married?" asked Michael.

If those guys weren't my best friends, I would hate them.

##

## Mrs. Kormel Is Driving Us Crazy

We couldn't just sit around on the bus forever. Soon we would die of starvation or kill each other, like they do in the movies all the time.

"We've got to do something!" Emily said.

For once she was right. That's when I got the most genius idea in the history of the world. There must have been at least twenty kids on the bus. If we all got out and pushed, maybe we could push the bus out of the ditch!

I got up and and told Mrs. Kormel about my genius idea. At first she thought I was crazy and told me to go limpus kidoodle. But I guess she thought it over and decided to give it a shot.

"Okay, everybody off the bus!" she yelled.

We all got off the bus and went to the back.

"When I say push, everybody push," Mrs. Kormel yelled out the window.

"One...two...three...PUSH!"

I pushed with all my might. Everybody was grunting and groaning and moaning. The bus didn't move.

"Harder!" yelled Ryan.

And then the most amazing thing in the history of the world happened.

The bus started moving!

"Hooray!" everybody yelled.

Mrs. Kormel steered the bus back onto the road, and we all piled in. She told me my idea was great, and promised to drive carefully the rest of the way to school.

The only one who wasn't happy was Andrea. She was looking at her watch.

"Now we've missed music class," she complained.

That was fine with me. I hate music.

"Y'know," Michael said, "maybe Mrs. Kormel isn't a bus driver at all. Did you ever think of that?"

"Yeah," Ryan said. "Maybe she captured our real bus driver and has her tied up in a cave. Stuff like that happens all the time, you know."

"Stop trying to scare Emily," Andrea said.

"Maybe we're being kidnapped," I added. "Maybe Mrs. Kormel is driving us to her secret underground hideout at the North Pole, where she's going to do unspeakable things to us."

"Like what things?" Emily asked, all worried.

"I can't tell you," I told her. "They're unspeakable!"

"We've got to do something!" Emily said. "I don't want to go to the North Pole!"

That girl will fall for everything. Emily probably wanted to run away. But there was no place to run. She was stuck on the bus. So she started crying. What a baby!

Once Emily started crying, it set off a chain reaction and other kids started crying, too. Some of the first graders said they wanted their mommies. Some kid peed in his pants. Everyone was freaking out.

The fifth graders made a sign and put it in the back window—HELP! OUR BUS DRIVER IS DRIVING US CRAZY!

I didn't cry. I figured that it would be pretty horrible to be kidnapped and driven to the North Pole, but at least we wouldn't have to go to school anymore. And they have penguins at the North Pole too. Or maybe that's the South Pole. Either way, penguins are cool.

"Are we there yet?" somebody asked.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" yelled Mrs. Kormel.

##

## We Finally Meet the Nude Kid

The bus turned a corner, and we saw the big sign—ELLA MENTRY SCHOOL.

"We're there yet!" announced Mrs. Kormel.

"Yippee!" yelled all the girls.

"Boo!" yelled all the boys.

Mrs. Kormel pulled the bus up to the curb, and Mr. Klutz came running over.

"Bingle boo!" he said. "What—"

But he never got the chance to finish his sentence because, at that moment, the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened.

Mrs. Kormel must have leaned against the magic STOP sign button by accident. Because the magic STOP sign on the side of the bus swung out at the exact same time as Mr. Klutz arrived. The STOP sign smacked Mr. Klutz on the side of his bald head! He fell down! It was a real Kodak moment.

Those STOP signs are dangerous!

We all rushed off the bus to see if Mr. Klutz was okay. He stood up slowly. He looked like he'd been in a fight, or he'd drunk too much beer.

"W-what happened?" he asked.

"The STOP sign hit you in the head," said Mrs. Kormel. "I'm so sorry."

"No, I mean why were you so late?" asked Mr. Klutz.

Everybody started telling Mr. Klutz what happened.

"We had a flat tire!"

"We got kidnapped and drove to the North Pole!"

"We went to the nude kid's house!"

"A.J. threw a doll out the window!"

"Ryan ate his seat cushion!"

"We got lost in the rainforest!"

"We pushed the bus out of a ditch!"

"We had a funeral for Striker Smith's head!"

"Well, I'm just glad you're all safe!" said Mr. Klutz.

"Did we miss the big spelling test?" asked Andrea.

"Oh, your teacher Miss Daisy was out sick today," said Mr. Klutz. "So your class had a substitute teacher named Ms. Todd. You'll have your spelling test tomorrow."

"Yippee!" yelled all the girls.

"Boo!" yelled all the boys.

While we were yelling, the school bell rang. The front door opened, and kids started pouring out.

"It's three o'clock!" said Mr. Klutz. "Everybody back on the bus. It's time to go home."

"Home?" said Andrea. "But we just got here!"

"Bix blattinger!" yelled Mrs. Kormel.

"Hey, wait a minute," I said to Mr. Klutz. "Where's the nude kid?"

"Nude kid?" said Mr. Klutz. "What are you talking about, A.J.?"

"You know," I said, "the kid we were going to pick up before we got lost."

"Ohhhhh!" said Mr. Klutz. "You mean the new kid. He's not nude. He's new. Here he comes now."

This kid came over to the bus. He looked pretty normal. He even had clothes on.

"What's your name?" Ryan asked him.

"Neil."

"Really?" Michael asked.

"Yeah, my name is Neil Crouch."

"Is that your real name?" I asked. "Neil Crouch?"

"Sure it is," he said. "Why?"

"Well," I explained, "if your name is Neil Crouch, that means you can kneel and crouch on the bus."

"Why would anybody want to kneel or crouch on a bus?" asked Neil Crouch.

"Because we're not allowed to!" we all yelled.

Sheesh! The nude kid has a lot to learn about being a kid. He's weird. Me and Michael and Ryan decided to keep calling Neil Crouch "the nude kid" even if he did wear clothes.

We all got back in the bus, and Mrs. Kormel pulled out of the driveway. Maybe she'll get us back home before we die of starvation. Maybe we'll find out what "bix blattinger" means. Maybe I'll talk my parents into getting me another Striker Smith action figure. Maybe Neil Crouch will learn how to be a kid. Maybe I'll pass the big spelling test tomorrow.

But it won't be easy!

## About the Author and the Illustrator

DAN GUTMAN has written many weird books for kids. Dan lives in New Jersey (a very weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. You can visit him on his weird website at www.dangutman.com

JIM PAILLOT lives in Arizona (another weird place) with his weird wife and two weird children. Isn't that weird? You can visit him on his weird website at www.jimpaillot.com

Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

## Credits

Cover art © 2006 by Jim Paillot

## Copyright

MY WEIRD SCHOOL #11: MRS. KORMEL IS NOT NORMAL!. Text copyright © 2006 by Dan Gutman. Illustrations copyright © 2006 by Jim Paillot. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

EPub © Edition SEPTEMBER 2008 ISBN: 9780061973314

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

## About the Publisher

Australia

HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

25 Ryde Road (PO Box 321)

Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au

Canada

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor

Toronto, ON, M4W 1A8, Canada

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca

New Zealand

HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited

P.O. Box 1

Auckland, New Zealand

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz

United Kingdom

HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

77-85 Fulham Palace Road

London, W6 8JB, UK

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk

United States

HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

10 East 53rd Street

New York, NY 10022

http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaBook


text:
A Major League Soccer de 2017 foi a 105ª temporada de futebol sancionada pela FIFA nos Estados Unidos e no Canadá, a 39ª como primeira divisão nacional na América do Norte e a 22ª temporada da MLS. A temporada regular começará em março de 2017 e acabará em outubro de 2017. A fase eliminatória da Copa da MLS se iniciará no final de outubro de 2017 e será concluída com a final em dezembro de 2017.

Nesta temporada duas equipes estrearam, o Atlanta United e o Minnesota United.

A equipe de Seattle defendia o título da Copa da MLS, enquanto a de Dallas defendia a conquista da temporada regular.

Equipes

Estádios

{| class="wikitable" style="text-align:left"
|-
!colspan=3|Conferência Oeste
|-
! Equipe
! Estádio
! Capacidade
|-
| Colorado Rapids
| Dick's Sporting Goods Park
| style="text-align:center;"| 18.086
|-
| FC Dallas
| Toyota Stadium
| style="text-align:center;"| 20.500
|-
| Houston Dynamo
| BBVA Compass Stadium
| style="text-align:center;"| 22.039
|-
| LA Galaxy
| StubHub Center
| style="text-align:center;"| 27.000
|-
| Minnesota United FC
| TCF Bank Stadium
| style="text-align:center;"| 52.525
|-
| Portland Timbers
| Providence Park
| style="text-align:center;"| 21.144
|-
| Real Salt Lake
| Rio Tinto Stadium
| style="text-align:center;"| 20.213
|-
| San Jose Earthquakes
| Avaya Stadium
| style="text-align:center;"| 18.000
|-
| Seattle Sounders FC
| CenturyLink Field
| style="text-align:center;"| 40.000
|-
| Sporting Kansas City
| Children's Mercy Park
| style="text-align:center;"| 18.467
|-
| Vancouver Whitecaps FC
| BC Place
| style="text-align:center;"| 22.500
|}

 Classificação
 Atualizado com todas as partidas disputadas.''

Conferência Leste

Conferência Oeste

Temporada regular

Premiação

Público

Maiores públicos
Estes são os dez maiores públicos da MLS em 2017:

Média de público por equipe

Estatísticas

Artilharia

Assistências

Ligações externas
Sítio oficial (em inglês)

2017
Desporto nos Estados Unidos em 2017
Desporto no Canadá em 2017
2017 no futebol

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


This is the first video crafted, shared on this site. I thank the very talented, Elizabeth Miller for providing such vision and beauty to these spoken words. This video is a matchless first fit for a featured collaboration, with the words scripted below the embedded video.
poised in the palms of the pine needles.
spilling a sappy fragrance into the forest.
and find freedom with each unfolding.
Elizabeth Miller is an independent filmmaker, based in Fort Collins, Colorado, who strives to create creative content in a variety of forms. Interested in fashion and journalism, Elizabeth seeks to share new, compelling creations that encourages the audience to think and generate meaning. With aligned vision, she share stories that are fueled by creativity and the unique perspectives that we all possess. Elizabeth's pieces can be viewed through her YouTube channel here.