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Event of the Weekend: Sandbar 20th Birthday Block Party!
Yes, if you're looking to bang a cougar this weekend, look no further than 8th Street, where Larryville's favorite tropical hideaway is hosting a street party to celebrate 20 glorious years of Jimmy Buffett tunes and hurricanes and mermaid skirts and Shark Bites. The party is slated to feature "dancing showgirls" and "mystery guests" and take place on top of a mock pirate ship currently being constructed in an East Side warehouse.
Chip: "I hope Todd Reesing is the 'mystery guest.' I've partied with him at the Sandbar before."
Readers, please see our post from 5/6/09 to reminisce about Chip's encounter with Reesing, one of the many local celebrities who have crossed paths with the boys in their Chronicles. Avid fans may remember that Reesing was also referenced in a recent post about Joe College's sidewalk sale, which prominently featured a T-shirt reading "Reesing if a Hilf." At the time, Richard was a little confused about what the "H" stood for, but Chip later explained that it almost certainly stood for "Heisman." At any rate, it must certainly make things easier when you see a woman wearing a shirt that announces that she wants to fuck you instead of having to constantly wonder about it.
Posted by Nog at 1:49 PM 0 comments
"Hip Hop Takeover" at the Replay!
It's been sort of a slow week in Larryville, with most of the city's progressive citizens spending their time at Liberty Hall viewing and re-viewing Robert Kenner's new documentary Food Inc. Crowds have been applauding at the end of every screening and attempting to memorize the long list of tips offered during the credits, such as "Make sure your local farmer's market accepts food stamps" (a crowd of angry locals is expected to march on Larryville's market this afternoon for an "intervention," although they'll probably still pick up some expensive fresh squash whether or not an accord is reached). Food, Inc is expected to be Liberty's biggest liberal feel-good moneymaker since Al Gore's Unbelievable Truth played there for eight months and everyone went around town congratulating themselves on turning the lights off when they left their rooms.
But for those looking for something else to do tonight, there's a "Hip Hop Takeover" at the Replay, which Lawrence.com says "promises to be the hip-hop event of the summer." This unusual show kicks off early, with an evening of DJ's and MC's on the patio, and proceeds well into the night (eventually and frustratingly competing with the Transmittens show across the street at the Jackpot).
Most local rap shows end in gunfire, but this one is expected to draw the same boring white crowd that one usually finds at the Replay, many of whom are especially fond of "nerd-rapper" Greg Enemy (pictured below), whose tune "Fly Ass Glasses" has gotten a lot of recent play on KJHK. Check out this Pitch description of his style:
"...he doles out nuggets of his life story with bell-clear pronunciation and more swagger than dudes three times his size. His heady wordplay name-drops linguist Noam Chomsky and director Wes Anderson while proclaiming himself the "black Jack Kerouac." In his live show, Enemy instructs, "All my people with bad eyesight, put your hands up!" His oversized frames make him look like someone in one of Jamel Shabazz's photos from Brooklyn in the 1980s."
Chip: "This shit sounds fresh! See you on the dance floor."
Richard: "I certainly think it's important for the Replay to broaden its narrow musical scope beyond the usual shoegaze and indie and metal and bluegrass and electro-pop. But I still plan to head across for the 'Mittens gig."
Cl.thier: "I'm doing a cover of 'Fly Ass Glasses' during tomorrow's gig."
The Changing Face of Downtown Larryville: Bike Lanes! / Also, Are They Stylish, or Aren't They? (Style Scout Edition)
Larryville has long lagged behind other "progressive" cities in terms of bicycle friendliness, but things are looking up: this summer's renovation of 9th Street brought with it a three block section of bicycle lanes from Indiana to Kentucky Streets.
Chip: "I'd be fine with it if they'd just stay within those three blocks. It's when they feel the need to venture out to other parts of the city that I feel justified in shaking my fist and calling them 'fuckers.'"
As expected, the issue is sparking friendly debate between motorists and bicyclists in the LJ-World talkbacks.
tumbilweed says: "You'd feel differently if you rode a bike, davidsmom. Motorists are a huge problem, if you just look at the attitude you take in your post, you can see why . Learn to share the road. We are not going away."
and gsxr600, representing the motorists, says: "If every street in this town is widened to accommodate a new cycle lane (LMFAO), will cyclists finally gtfo of motorist traffic? Nope.
As both an insightful showcase of what's fashionable at the moment and an often shocking look at the depth of Larryville eccentricity, Lawrence.com's "Style Scout" rarely disappoints. Let's take a look at this week's subjects.
Holly Rowland, 32, is "really into wearing black clothes with red accents, cocktail rings and big sunglasses. For men, I really like when they wear hoodies and short-sleeved T-shirts that are kind of snug." ("Finally, a woman who loves a man in a hoodie!"--Chip). Her fashion influences are Joan and Betty from Mad Men, along with riot girlll bands, and she's often said to resemble "MTV VJ Kennedy, Lisa Loeb or Allison Wolfe from Bratmobile...Tina Fey and the cartoon character Daria." She'd like to see "less drum circles and less sub-par street performing" in Larryville ("That's exactly what I'd like to see less of!"--Chip).
Richard: "She complains too much. When's the last time you stumbled across a drum circle in Larryville, now that Wakarusa's gone? And next month's Busker Festival will bring a range of excellent street performers to town."
Here's Holly (click to enlarge):
Chip: "Wow, apparently a shocking amount of cleavage is back in style. And not a moment too soon, I say! I vote stylish."
Richard: "Agreed. And she does look like Lisa Loeb."
Also profiled is Eric Dobbins, owner of Wonder Fair, member of Asteroid Head Art Club, and guitarist for California Craisins. Dobbins describes his style as "intensely mellow and right on the beat" and "influenced by cartoons, Worlds of Fun, energy fields, and flower patches"
Chip: "Not stylish and why is he pointing at his navel?
Richard: "Because he's a navel-gazer. But I say definitely stylish. This dude is probably banging artsy hipster chicks right and left in the basement of the Casbah while discussing Zaguar's collages."
If you're wondering what Asteroid Head Art Club is all about, Dobbins explains:
"It's a futuristic art club from the past. We meet once a week at the North Lawrence Tennis Club and plan art shows, release zines, and create happenings and gatherings. We give the kids something to be excited about."
They certainly do!
http://asteroidhead.blogspot.com/
Fashion, Reality Shows, Celebrity Auction, Sports!
Our weekly visit with Katy Seib.l's fashion blog (www.kansascouture.com) is quickly becoming one of our most popular (and disturbing) features, and one that even occasionally inspires fashion-mavens Beth and Dr. C. to weigh in.
In a recent post, Katy showcases a rather unusual "thrifting" discovery:
"I couldn't resist its rich mustard yellow color and architectural layered panels...If I decide to wear it as a baby doll, I will take it in on the sides."
Chip: "It would be a fun game to lift up each of those panels and see what's behind them, and then try to remember and find it again, kind of like that old "Memory" card game."
Richard: "Chip, I really think that Kansas Couture is a blog designed to inspire serious fashion discussions, rather than innocuous sexual commentary."
Chip: "Maybe so, but she has to know that anything posted on the web runs at least a slight risk of giving someone a boner.
Richard: "Back to fashion, what is a "baby doll" exactly, and is it more fashionable than a romper? And is it disturbing that women are turning men on by dressing like infants?"
Fox's long-awaited reality-show More to Love premieres tonight. The premise is that Luke, a portly fellow, seeks real love among twenty "plus-size" ladies. Creators insist that the show is "empowering" for audiences, who will likely come closer to recognizing themselves in these contestants than in the often unrealistic and glamourous (and thin) participants in similar shows. But will it be empowering for the 19 fat chicks who get publicly rejected by Luke in front of audience of millions? Tune in to find out!
An on-line auction called "Gotta Have It?" is currently offering a series of Madonna's faxed love-letters and naughty answering machine messages, which are expected to sell for up to $40,000 dollars.
Chip: "If I were famous, people would pay top-dollar for transcripts of my 'sexting' messages, many of which are remarkably erotic and detailed, such as 'r u all the way nekkid yet?'"
And, finally, it's Big 12 Football Media Week, which means that Chip will finally get a few serious football stories in his LJ-World to balance out the usual speculations on the Henry boys' future basketball careers. Today's important front-page sports-spread is an article focusing on the resemblance between Nebraska defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh and the lovable little dinosaur called Ducky from Land Before Time. The piece is titled "Ducky? Huh?" with the caption reading "Huskers' Suh a dino dead-ringer." Here we include Suh's picture from the LJ-World along with a picture of Ducky (which the paper neglected to offer despite devoting a full page to this fucking story). Enjoy!
Richard Mingles With Larryville's Aging Hipsters / Also, a Transmittens Alert! / And The Boys' Box-Office Report!
At last night's reunion show of several early-to-mid-90's local bands, Richard may have seriously been the youngest hipster in the bar. Mauschovonian Love Beat and Eudoras returned for an evening of old tunes and jokes that were so "inside" that even the insiders had forgotten them long ago. Richard gives it three PBR's (or whatever beer was hip in '92).
Here are a few shots that capture the mood of the evening.
Here we see Mauschovonian Love Beat performing under an Oklahoma sign (for some reason), which collapsed halfway through the evening in a very Spinal Tap-type moment.
And here we see the performances being captured via high-tech, laptop recording technology and good old-fashioned up close photography. Cory Willis, on guitar, looks appropriately bewildered at why anyone would want to remember the evening.
And finally we see a group of old folks (including former Larryville mayor Boog, wearing a Percolator t-shirt exactly like Richard's!) examining and trading some squash and zuchini that they grew in the community garden.
If you missed the amazing recent Transmittens performance at the Replay, several chances remain to catch them in more appropriate late-night hipster venues. This Thursday they'll take the stage at the Jackpot opening for a Brooklyn band with an adorable name of their own: We Are Country Mice.
Take a look at this perfect description of the 'Mittens from a website called A New Band a Day (www.anewbandaday.com):
"Transmittens is a lovely mind-melting band. Their name and music pops a big, happy, colourful clown's balloon in front of your face, and because of that it's easy to miss the glumly sung lyrics while you're happily running around in the subsequent glitterstorm."
The only thing Americans love more than boy-wizards are farting guinea pigs! Yes, Disney's G-Force (in 3-D!) rocketed to the top of the box-office this weekend, easily besting both the newest Potter film and the raunchy rom-com The Ugly Truth (discussed here last Friday). Did the boys love G-Force as much as the rest of the country?
Chip: "In addition to the 3-D, I think they should have also brought back the old 'Smell-O-Vision' gimmick where kids could actually get a whiff of the guinea pig farts. People would love it!"
Richard: "I saw The Hurt Locker instead."
Chip: "Never heard of it. Unless a film has some hilarious rodents in it, I find it hard to care."
Hipster/Old Folks Pick of the Day
Legendary Larryville surf-rock band The Eudoras (who are not from Eudora) reteam at the Replay tonight for an early patio show. In existence off and on since '91, the band members (most of whom still work at Love Garden) claim to have been the very first band to ever play at the Replay. In an interview from a few years back on Lawrence.com, they also claim: to have recorded a song with William Burroughs, to have once backed Chuck Berry, and to have never released an album because their magic is "like seeing a unicorn" and can't be captured on record.
Presumably the show will end earlier than usual, since Love Garden takes on Jazzhaus at 9:00 in the kickball "game of the week." These teams' businesses, of course, have long been neighbors, but (as we've reported) Love Garden will soon abandon the 900 block of Mass. for new digs. Here's the full info from a poster on the door which includes a cat shooting lasers from its eyes (thanks to the Pitch for the photo):
In related news, long-time Love Garden employee and Eudoras member Jon Harrison (otherwise known as that tall bald dude you see at every rock show) recently shut down his fine, long-running local music blog (www.littlehits.com/blog) due to fear that the MP3's he posted were being snagged and used for ringtones in ways the bands would not approve of. Check out his recent description of local hipster heroes Rooftop Vigilantes:
"Presently, these nascent sots commenced flailing about in a most ungainly fashion, creating a din that, while interesting, had me wondering exactly what the hell distinguished them from any number of neo-Killed By Death bands that seem to be breeding like rabbits across our great land, occasionally releasing a 45 of interest. Gradually I began picking out elements that made it seem something interesting was afoot."
Anyone wanting descriptions of local bands these days is forced to turn either to Lawrence.com (which rarely bothers to write descriptions of the numerous bands that play here each night) or to this blog, where Chip usually describes the sound of all local bands as "simply awful."
Chip: "Who would want a Rooftop Vigilantes ringtone? They sound simply awful."
Larryville Gets Paranormal! / Plus, This Weekend's Rap Pick
Larryville has played host to paranormal investigators before, at the notoriously haunted Eldridge, but tonight an intrepid team of ghost hunters will visit the Sigma Nu fraternity house in an attempt to discover its legendary ghost, Virginia (according to a major article in today's LJ-World).
Chip: "I'd like to paranormally investigate the local sorority houses using a special hands-on method that requires me to feel the residents to ascertain whether they are nubile flesh and blood, as opposed to bodiless apparations."
The boys love rap music (in fact, Richard performed a special spoken-word selection of Wu Tang Clan lyrics at last night's Eastside talent show), but they rarely see good rap shows in Larryville since there's a better than 60% chance of gunfire at Club Axis these days.
However, an event in KC tonight is bringing good rap to a safe (hipster) atmosphere at the Record Bar as KC rapper Reach hosts the first annual "Pajammy Jam." The idea "originated with House Party 2" and costs five bucks with jammies on, 10 bucks without (Pitch).
Richard: "It's hard to hide a gun in your PJ's. I think this will be a nice time."
Friday Photo Blog (Street Preachers and Builders and Butchers) / PLUS, The Boys' Hollywood Report
Chip has often spoke of the "Godlessness" of Larryville, and last night an old-fashioned street preacher arrived on the downtown scene determined to make the hipsters believe...in something besides the greatness of the latest Grizzly Bear record.
Stationing himself just across the street from the Replay ("Appropriate."--Chip), he shouted his message while things went on more-or-less as normal inside that unholy venue. However, perhaps the message of peace and togetherness rubbed off a bit after all, for here we see a hipster joining forces with a hippie chick and a cowboy (and since when do hipsters play banjoes?):
The headlining act on this night was Portland's The Builders and the Butchers, who opened a treasure chest at the foot of the stage and encouraged fans to grab one of the noisemakers therein and bang along with the band (a gimmick Cl.thier is expected to "borrow" for his next Yacht Club show). A few young fans complied, while the aging hipsters in the back stood silently, shaking their heads and wanting their bar back. Thanks to Eudora's Eggman for this fine photo:
The success of Judd Apatow's ultra-raunchy "bromances" insured that it was only a matter of time before the usually-tame chick flicks began to up their own level of raunch. Apparently, the time has come with this weekend's The Ugly Truth, a romantic comedy about Katherine Heigl's Abby, despite herself, falling for the chauvinistic correspondent on her morning show.
The film is written by women but is being lambasted by many critics for its insulting portrayals of the fairer sex: "The Ugly Truth seems strangely intent on setting the women's movement back three or four decades," says The Miama Herald's Rene Rodriguez, while the Huffington Post says that it's "riddled with clichés about competent women and how they are all control freaks, have cats, wear ponytails, wear comfortable clothes, don't masturbate, etc." ("Sounds truthful," Chip).
The boys do love a good raunchfest, although reviews suggest that even the filth doesn't work: "A scene in which Abby has an accidental orgasm during a dinner with her bosses just falls flat." (AP).
Chip: "Oh, come on, critics! Accidental orgasms are always funny. I had one this morning."
Richard: "The scene apparently involves a pair of remote-controlled panties."
Chip: "Didn't we blog about remote-controlled panties, a long while back? I'm fairly certain that we did."
Possibly the Single Greatest Local Hipster Photo You've Ever Seen! / Plus, the Boys Check In With Style Scout / Hipster Pick of the Day
Readers, we're a little suprised and disappointed that no one paid attention to yesterday's story about local zebra attacks. If an aggressive male zebra runs up and bites you on the ass, don't say the LC didn't try and warn you! And no one bothered to enter our newest "free PBR" contest? Well, that just seems a little lazy on your part, doesn't it?
Still, we believe you'll enjoy today's features.
First off, Lawrence.com has a remarkable slideshow up on their site featuring pictures from the recent Kickball All-Star game. Now Richard has taken some heat in the past for his suggestions that the "sport" may not necessarily require magnificent displays of athleticism, but maybe he's been wrong all along (click to enlarge for the full effect!)
Obviously, this gal is an athlete! (and be sure to note her "Punk Fucking Rock" t-shirt. Get it? PBR!).
The boys love to check in with Style Scout each week and are rarely disappointed. Profiled this week is Katie Re.se, a 28 year old local graphic designer who lists her fashion influences as "1970s kitsch, anime, Sailor Moon, Blythe dolls and big 1970s country hair." Katie describes her look as "Country lolita with a little bit of Neil Young." Have a look:
Chip: "She's far too old to be a 'nymphet' but I suppose I'd still let her call me Humbert Humbert, if that's her thing. She claims to like "overalls with no shirt underneath on the right person," so I've got that going for me, since that's what I usually wear in Forttt Scottt."
Richard: "She has a tattoo of a unicorn on her arm, which I've learned is often a sign that a girl is a little weird."
Portland-based buzz band The Builders and the Butchers head back to Larryville tonight for a rare early Thursday show at the Replay and Richard is expected to be reporting live from the scene. One writer describe them as follows:
"...a B&B live show resembles something of a fun and in-your-face baroque folk marching band, while they are notorious for enlisting friends and random people in the crowd to play extra shakers, tambourines, washboards, and little drums. Regularly, you'll find front man, Ryan Sollee, stomping around the stage, earnestly singing, sometimes yelling, and occasionally blowing on an old bullhorn – assumably more for aesthetics than sound."
Richard: "I hope I get to play some little drums!"
Breaking News: A Local Zebra Attacks a Football Player! / Also, The Boys' Book Club Returns
In a rather odd story occurring just outside town, a Pitt State football player working on a local farm was attacked by a group of zebras being kept there:
"...the male charged him, bit his arm and would not let go. The animal was dragging Windscheffel by his arm when two of his fellow farm hands finally freed him." (LJ-World).
The player received a compound fracture and reportedly will not be able to play ball this season.
Richard: "This is surely the greatest animal story since Johnny Cash got in a fight with an ostrich. However, I suspect it may ruin my planned attempt to get the City Commission to pass a 'domestic zebra' bill."
Chip: "Pitt. State is my alma mater and now they're going to have a losing season because somebody in Larryville just had to have some pet zebras."
It's been a major summer of reading for the boys, with Richard joining a bizarre on-line cult dedicated to reading a 1000 page postmodern novel about tennis (www.infinitesummer.org) and Chip finally becoming immersed in the Twilight series ("You know, they really are quite romantic, but overall I still prefer the Sweet Valley High books."--Chip).
In their spare time, however, they've been rereading a local classic called Cows Are Freaky When They Look At You: An Oral History of the Kaw Valley Hemp Pickers, which features a foreword by William Burroughs and a delightful collection of tales of drugs and debauchery from Larryville's counterculture heyday.
Library Journal writes: "...the book is a nearly perfect memento of the utter pointlessness of the era's excesses."
Richard: "I'm working on a new oral history of Larryville's contemporary hipster and kickball culture. It's significantly less interesting, to be sure, but I still think it's important and hope to publish it locally to mild acclaim in the next few years. And I'll buy a PBR for whoever comes up with the best title and submits it in the comments section."
The Boys Check In With The City Commission, Local Fashon Blogs, and Love Garden Records!
Our city fathers have been hard at work for a year drafting an ordinance to set out the official rules and restrictions regarding "urban chicken" ownership, and an editorial in yesterday's LJ-World helpfully explains things to the layman, including lines such as:
"...some people had wanted to allow male chickens up to a year old. The ordinance says "no;" it's too hard to monitor the age of a chicken."
Richard: "I've been a very vocal opponent of urban chickens because I think they are very stupid and dirty birds but, with the City Commission, you win some and you lose some. At least I'm allowed to own a hedgehog and, with any luck, my little hoggy will grow some big that he might 'accidentally' get loose and eat some of these annoying local chickens."
One of our favorite recent activities is to check in with Katy Seib.l's local blog Kansas Couture (www.kansascouture.com), look at a picture, and then make some nearly-nonsensical sexual innuendoes which we imagine she'd actually find very charming, if she ever sees this blog.
One of her recent posts involves "rompers" (what's a romper, exactly, and are they fashionable? we need Beth to provide such answers!).
Here is Katy describing her new romper:
"...it has an adorable bow detail! I kept this look super simple with an edgy studded belt to tone down the cutesy factor and cuffed suede ankle boots."
Chip: "I'd like to romp with her, if you catch my meaning!"
Richard: "I'd play a few rounds of Romper Room."
Love Garden Records, of course, is a Larryville institution, but what's life going to be like now that it's moving? (one block down to 8th and Mass). Here's a peek at the exterior of the new location, which will open this fall.
Richard: "I suppose the hipsters will eventually grow accustomed to the change, but I worry about the cats. Those kitties just seem so cozy in the upstairs location."
Richard and Transmittens! / Plus, The Boys Hollywood Report and the Reality Show Pick of the Week!
Readers, there are occasional moments in the worlds of art, sports, film, and music that are simply...transcendent. Think of the Mona Lisa's cryptic smile, of Mario Chalmers' legendary three-pointer, of Rick telling Ilsa: "Here's lookin' at you, kid," of the Transmittens' Danny leaning over Jen's keyboard and blowing into a toy flute/piano while she coos a song about how she can't date a boy who doesn't believe in unicorns (pictures below).
Yes, Transmittens made their triumphant return to Larryville last night to play an early set for a strange mix of the usual hipsters and a rowdy contingent of mohawked punk rockers who were there to get trashed early in the evening before a late-night set by a group of Milwaukee punkers called Brutal Dildoes. During the evening, the Dildoes (with their own multi-hued mohawks) entertained themselves outside the venue by promoting their late-night show to scared civilians who were out for a pleasant evening stroll. "We.Are.Brutal.Dildoes!" they shouted at a group of sorostitutes, who greeted the information with displeased expressions which suggested that they preferred, when not being brutalized by actual frat-boy penises, to be gently and comfortably diddled by their trusty Rabbit Pearl vibrators.
Chip: "Okay, that last sentence is the the best line you've written in awhile, but at the same time I can see where this kind of crudeness got us banned from PayLess Shoe Headquarters in Topeka."
The aforementioned photo. Absolutely adorable!
Getting funky with a cute pink guitar and a little egg-shaker percussion!
Meanwhile, the punk fans played loud drinking games at the booth nearest the stage, drowning out some of the cuteness.
Like most of America, the boys spent a great deal of their weekend in a dark theater, thrilling to the exploits of boy-wizard Harry Potter and mourning the death of the beloved elder wizard Dumbledore (whose creator, JK Rowling, somewhat mysteriously and retrospectively declared the character to be gay, perhaps in an attempt to lead gullible academics to reread her work and produce important treatises such as "Polishing Our Wands: Homosexuality in Hogwart's.").
But what worthy film can we turn our attention to next? How about the certain-to-suck horror film called Orphan, which opens this Friday and is stirring up an unexpected controversy among adoption groups, some of which are urging a boycott of the film for its portrayal of an evil, murderous orphan named Esther (Warner Brothers, ever-sensitive, has even removed one offending line from the trailer: "It must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own.").
Chip: "I don't think the film is suggesting that all adopted children are likely to turn on their foster parents in a murderous rampage, but just that it's something to seriously consider. It's a message film."
The boys have been searching for a new reality show to fill the vast void left by The Cougar and perhaps they have finally found one, premiering tonight on ABC, called Dating in the Dark. Basically, it's Big Brother in the dark, a show in which housemates "can fraternize only in a cave-like room devoid of all light" (LJ-World).
Chip: "So it sounds like we're going to be staring at a dark screen while listening to people make out, and then the situations will probably be discussed later while we all laugh hysterically about what happened? This sounds amazing, to be quite honest."
Richard: "This reminds me of that night I went in the groping booth with Tiffany Ng at the Bottleneck during Fetish Night, an experience that would have been wildly erotic if not for the random hipster hands poking through the holes in the booth and grabbing my ass."
Hipster Pick of the Day: Transmittens at the Replay!
No shit, readers! The LC's favorite band is slated to bring their brand of whimsy and adorability to the Replay tonight for an early patio gig. Put on your sparklemittens and we'll stare up at the cowclouds and sing along to "Meet Me At the Swings."
Here's a flier for the show, obviously modeled after the "lolcats" phenomenon (click to enlarge). It's a kitty wearing a lampshade? (we think). At any rate, it sure is cute!
Literary Larryville
First off, the boys want to take a second to congratulate Victor Continental on his triumphant return to the city and especially on his "open letter to Lawrence" sketch, in which four local victims of the recession (Arensberg's Shoes, Blue Heron furniture, Palace gift shop, and Don's Steakhouse) team up to tell Larryville citizens to fuck off while skewering every socio-economic group in town with four vicious rants! Good stuff, Victor! I wish I'd written it! (now try to make the rest of the show more consistent).
Now on to today's business.
Larryville has played home to several prominent literary figures over the years. Langston Hughes has certainly recieved his due over the last few years, with a major conference and numerous other social events. But some would say we've never properly honored long-term resident and legendary Beat author William S. Burroughs. Maybe that's about to change.
This years marks the 50th anniversary of the publication of Naked Lunch, widely considered his masterwork, and the Pig is hosting a major art event in August called "Naked Leftovers: Paintings by William S. Burroughs." The list of events and refreshments seems suitably odd. In addition to paintings and readings and videos of Burroughs in Larryville, there will be a "dream machine," an "accordion serenade," and "Vodka and Coke, Navy cut players, saltines and brick cheddar, black centipedes" (LJ-World).
Richard: "Well, I actually had to perform a quick Google search here to discover that 'Navy cut players' are cigarettes. Perhaps the smoking ban will be lifted for this very special night?"
Chip: "And the centipedes, of course, are from Naked Lunch. But are they dangerous? Will they bite the hipsters?"
Let's check the LJ-World talkback to see how its participants feel about Burroughs' place in Larryville history:
cato the elder says: "The day that this man decided to move himself and his entourage to Lawrence was the second worst day in this City's history." [he goes on to explain that the worst day was when the smoking ban was instituted]
sigmund (sounding a little like Chip) says: "The naked truth is that only Lawrence could celebrate a misogynistic opiate addicted dope dealer who killed his wife by shooting her in the head."
and JcJayhawk 1 adds: "Never has being a roaming lunatic been so appreciated."
"So there I was....balls deep!" / Also, This Week In Local Sports
Those "in the know" will recognize this post's title as the new call-and-response catchphrase of one Mr. Victor Continental, Larryville's Lord of Lechery, who will return to Liberty Hall this weekend for two shows. If the LC came to life in a burst of hit-and-miss sketches, musical numbers, and foul-mouthed sock puppets, it would look a lot like Victor's show (although our work here is often funnier).
Victor lost his hipster-cache long ago (he's lasted a decade, and nothing lasts a decade in the eyes of hipsters). But his shows still attract sold-out crowds of townies and theatre-geeks, leaving the true hipsters to make the trek over to KC for the Fringe Festival, which features events such as "Lingerie Shop, an adults-only comedy about women in their underwear" (Pitch).
Chip: "Women in their underwear? Maybe hipster-theatre isnt so bad after all."
Bill Mayer's editorial in today's LJ-World is likely to get folks a bit riled up. Much of it is spent making fat jokes regarding Sherron Collins' recent weight issues (he's on the verge of being "fat and sassy," Mayer writes of Collins, who was recently judged to be "18-20 pounds too heavy for maximum efficiency"). But the best lines get saved for last. Mayer writes of the highly-touted Henry brothers:
"Truth is, Self and Co. can field a 10-man crew good enough to make the Final Four without either Henry. Not that these two can't add a lot, but they're going to have to earn the playing time they get. Daddy can't talk them into that."
Almost certainly, this potshot will lead the Henrys to (once again) try to get out of their contract this week, as they do after every negative editorial.
Chip: "First off, we need the Henrys more than anyone has ever needed anything. Second, Collins really could expose himself just as well on the stairs as he could on an elevator. Plus, it's easier to run away on a stairwell."
Sidewalk Sale: Live Coverage!
Readers, it's the greatest day of the year in Larryville, and we're taking a cue from the LJ-World website and reporting live from the middle of the Sidewalk Sale, where Chip is currently fighting two cougars for possession of a "Reesing is a hilf" t-shirt from Joe College (we don't know what a "hilf" is, but Chip WILL get that shirt!).
If the LJ-World's "breaking news" feed isn't enough for you today, we also recommend the twitter feed at www.twitter.com/ljmarketplace, where posts like this are emerging at a fast pace:
http://twitpic.com/ajqzy - Live bees at Anthony's Beehive booth. #swsale
Holy shit! We're off to get some bees!
But make sure to check out one other bit of sidewalk sale related journalism today. LC-favorite Katy Seib.l, well on her way to becoming Larryville's own Zooey Deschanael-style hipster "It" girl, has an article on Lawrence.com in which she previews today's sale and presents a lot of cute pictures of herself wearing items from downtown establishments, such as this shot from Sunflower Outdoor and Bike:
Chip: "I'd like to have a vigorous workout with this girl, if you catch my meaning. She'd definitely need a helmet!"
Richard: "He's referring to a bicycle race! He really is. Seriously, Katy. We love your work. Keep it up."
Nightclubs / The French! / And Cute Baby Raccoons!
The boys make sure to read the NY-Times Sunday Style section each week in their continuing efforts to remain relevant and fashionable, and this past week brought an interesting piece called "Drink, Dance, But Don't Say 'Club,'" which points out that the word "club," with its implications of expensive entertainment, has become verboten in today's economy, leading to venues with names like Superdive, which "is pretty much nothing. And nothing is as hot as anything these days."
The following excerpt is especially amusing:
The days are gone when giant clubs had multiple rooms that partygoers could become lost in, some offering kaleidoscopic slide shows, others dungeon motifs. "People are simpler now," he said. "They don't feel like losing their friends. That's what it was all about back then."
What do the boys think?
Richard: "This isn't strictly true in Larryville. I don't mind losing Chip at all. When we party at the Hawk, sometime he disappears into the Pine Room and I hit the Martini Room and we won't see each other again unless we wake up at the same sorority house the next morning."
The word 'club' remains alive in Lawrence as well, most notably in the 821 Club (formerly Club Axis), which has become the go-to place to get shot on a weekend now that Last Call is gone.
And in an amusing effort to distance themselves from their violent neighbor along Iowa Street, the upscale folks down the road at Wilde's Chateau 24 have added a reassuring message to their own sign, although apparently they don't read the Times' Style Section:
Readers, yesterday was Bastille Day, and when Richard strutted into the Pig's celebration last night he expected nothing less than an amazing spread of French cuisine and a bevy of buxom and horny Frenchwomen, an evening that would no doubt culminate in a menage a trois. Sadly, all he found at 8:00 p.m was a tray with four grapes on it and the usual collection of boring scenesters, much like himself. Richard declared the celebration "the greatest non-event since the Tour of Lawrence Bicycle Street Sprints" a few weeks back and adjourned, along with a local clergywoman, to the home of the Vice President of East Larryville, where they drank beer and discussed city policy: is downtown Larryville primarily a "business" or "entertainment" district?
Oh well. Bastille Day might not have been all it was cracked up to, but another event this week always delivers the hot and steamy goods: tomorrow's sidewalk sale.
What would the LJ-World be without a weekly front-page animal story. Yesterday brought us the inspiring tale of two young raccoons who wound up on a local trash truck but were rescued by an animal control officer using a "lasso tool" and released into the wild.
The story has, of course, inspired a spirited debate in the LJ-World on-line talkbacks regarding the pros and cons of local raccoons. JohnBrown's post serves as a nice reminder that not everybody in Larryville is a hipster. We have farmers here too:
"One way to keep them out of your sweet corn is to plant cucumbers at the base of the corn plants once the corn plants have started to grow. I can't confirm, but I'm told the cucumbers have an odor similar to copperheads, which the raccoons avoid. Let the cukes climb up the corn plants."
Chip: "In Forttt Scottt, we have an easier way to keep them out of our sweet corn: shotguns."
Bastille Day! / Also, Recent Concert Reviews!
Readers, it's Bastille Day, and that means it's time for the annual celebration at the Pig!
From the Pig: Food, drinks, and French fanciness. We'll have drink specials and complimentary food. We may even have a French person or two. That's how crazy it's going to be. (Lawrence.com).
Chip: "This could be a nice event. I like French fries. Also, the French are known as a very horny people, and it rubs off on everyone around them, as we can see from this recent famous photo."
At the LC, we've been raving about local band Naomi What? for a long time now, and finally the Pitch has caught on, showcasing the band in a recent review on the Wayward Blog and praising them as: "the perfect wedding band for an indie-rock couple."
Richard: "I'd love to have them play at my wedding, but I better get married fast, because I'm not sure they have much staying power."
The concert review gives us a sense of the many quirky and obscure covers the band knows (Cl.thier, take note!):
"Highlights included Del Shannon's "Runaway" (which featured Campbell whistling the clavioline keyboard part), the Modern Lovers' "Government Center," the Violent Femmes' "Good Feeling" and "Tonight You Belong to Me," the version from The Jerk. Their covers of Daniel Johnston's "True Love Will Find You in the End" and Simon & Garfunkel's "The Only Living Boy in New York" both sounded like they were learned that afternoon and hadn't quite been mastered yet."
Even more exciting than the Naomi What? coverage, however, is the review's praise of local harpstress Whitney Flinn, a former student of Richard's. Richard has had several students go on to achieve success in the local music scene (local hip-hop artist Nezbeat perhaps being the most well-known and important). And Whitney seems to be off to a good start. The Wayward's reviewer writes of her songs:
"My favorite was one about "a doorman at the Replay Lounge" whose chorus prominently featured the image of a bottle of Old Overholt. Hence, the subject matter of her songs was typically about Lawrence life."
Richard: "I told my students, Write what you know! But I also told them: Don't EVER date anyone who works at the Replay! At least she listened to part of my advice."
Recent Adventures / Plus, the LC Checks In With LJ-World's "Lifestyle Magazine" To Look At Pictures of Famous Local Animals!
Richard knew it was going to be a special evening at the Replay when KC's Them Damned Young Livers took the stage with a set-list written on the back of a PBR box and proceeded to deliver a reckless set that mostly consisted of the lead singer tackling his bandmates, knocking shit over, and generally frightening the normally family-friendly Sunday night crowd with statement's such as "This song's about anal sex!" Actually, most families on this evening had already figured out, with a single peek in the door, that a roomful of heavily-tattoed hardcore leather-wearing old-school greasers and hepcats probably wasn't the best place for their children and that they'd be better off waiting till a weekend when the Midday Ramblers were playing.
But what was it that attracted this rarely-seen subculture of serious rockabilly/punkabilly/psychobilly fans? It was not the Livers, but rather the headliner, Three Bad Jacks, all the way from California and rumored to have some connection with the Ramones, a band that took the stage promising to play "faster than you've ever heard before" and then literally set the place on fire. Here's a look:
This is the Livers' song about anal sex, with a shirtless drummer.
This girl, whose wrist tattoo (perhaps?) reads "Sweet," was not too sweet with the boys, but she did know all the words to the anal sex song, which makes us think she's probably a pretty interesting person. Her boyfriend was one of the Damn Young Livers, and he later gave Richard a nice sticker promoting the band and explained that they were touring most of the region's rockabilly-friendly venues, with the notable exception of Knuckleheads, from which they are permanently banned.
And here is a stage-fire set by Three Bad Jacks. Why don't more acts light fires during their performances? (come on, Cl.thier! wouldn't it liven up that James' song a bit..."This bed is on fire / with passionate love!").
It's been a long time since we checked in with the LJ-World's weekly "lifestyle magazine" called Go, but they certainly continue to do fine work. This week's cover story is called "Window Shoppers: Meet Some of Downtown Lawrence's Most Beloved Pets," and it's especially fascinating in case you've ever wanted to know more about that lazy-ass dog at Kring's Interiors (his favorite spot is by the candy machine!) or those three wacky Love Garden kitties ("they have epic wrestling matches every night").
This is Love Garden's Mickey Roy:
Chip: "Don't let this cute picture fool you. These fuckers are trained to scratch your eyes out if you attempt to purchase anything less than 'hip.' I still have three stitches from when I tried to buy some John Mayer on vinyl."
Posted by Nog at 10:33 AM 14 comments
Zaguar Recap / Photo of the Week! / Sunday Kickball Coverage
After a week of major publicity on Lawrence.com, the LJ-World, the Pitch, and the Larryville Chronicles, Zaguar's collage exhibit at Wonder Fair opened with a veritable who's who of local hipsters, hipstars, artists, musicians, and bloggers in attendance. While Richard mingled with Larryville's best and brightest, a friend of his waited patiently outside, claiming that the event was "for assholes."
Chip: "When a kid rips a bunch of pages out of magazines and stick them on a wall, we punish him. When a hipster does it, we celebrate his 'genius.' "
Richard: "But you have to admit the ones with naked women are kind of nice, like the image of the Playboy model showing her ass, which Zaguar has cleverly placed in the midst of a fancy cocktail party scene, probably out of a Better Homes and Gardens or something, as a way of exposing the hidden side of 1950's era suburban perfection. I wish I was still teaching my consumer culture course so I could take the students downtown to see the titties."
While Wonder Fair is thriving, the Cheese Shoppe next door sits empty (as we recently reported), surrounded by a small group of townies sniffing the air for traces of lingering Gouda and recalling the salami sandwich they once ate at at the lone table outside near the dumpsters. Here is the (suitably snarky) sign on the door (click to enlarge):
Readers, if you love kickball (and several of you do), you can't miss tonight's "game of the week" at Hobbs, where Pita Pit takes on First Blood. According to Candlepants, who maintains the official blog of local kickball, these are the number one and two ranked teams in the leagues, which makes perfect sense, since the Pita Pit players have had a lot of experience outrunning local health inspectors and First Blood, well, they're named after a fucking Rambo movie, aren't they? See you at the game!
Recent Adventures / The Boys Check In With the City Commission / Also, Zaguar!
While enjoying Cl.thier's smooth grooves at the Yacht Club last night, Richard learned two blog-related things:
1) The LC is now on the NSFW (not safe for work) list at Payless Shoe Headquarters due to its recent topless photo (even though those titties were obviously "artistic" titties which will be hanging on the wall at Wonder Fair tonight).
2) Cl.thier's wife has been angry with Richard for a few months because he is not a "follower" of her family blog (sorry! that problem has been rectified, and I hope your family, in-laws, and friends enjoy the titties and general debauchery here!).
The City Fathers are constantly brainstorming on ways to help the city out of its financial crisis, and one of the new ideas under consideration is some sort of "user fee" system for the public library. The LJ-World weighs in with this witty sentence: "the idea is being greeted a lot like a Dan Brown reading at a Shakespeare conference." But what do the boys think?
Richard: "I favor the idea as long as its carefully implemented, such as charging a small fee to any grown woman who wants to check out one of the Twilight books or to hipsters on their fifth re-reading of Dave Eggers' A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius."
Chip: "I've taken to reading the LJ-World there this week since the damn thing now costs 75 cents. I suppose I'd pay as much as a nickel for the privilege, if need be, and the small fee might even help keep the homeless out."
Tonight's the night, hipsters! Zaguar's collage exhibition at Wonder Fair kicks off (according to the Rangelife Records website) with "beers on ice" and a DJ set by Brendan from Fourth of July (is that Zaguar's brother? it's hard to keep these "hipstars" straight).
We've showcased several of his works this week, and now we'll include Zaguar's description of perhaps the evening's most provocative piece, a collage featuring "Michael Jackson flanked by a phalanx of police officers. Above the image is the headline "P.O.W."
Zaguar explains: "This was definitely done before Michael Jackson died...I wound up with what I thought was an interesting charged narrative pairing him with that P.O.W. text from a Vietnam-era magazine. It's got a little 'with us or against us' question. Are the cops escorting him because he's a criminal? Or is it that he needs that type of security because he's in a 'sense a prisoner' of war by being so famous?"
Richard: "I predict Larryville's most intellectual discussion of MJ thus far."
Chip: "Can you promise me that the titty-collage will be on the wall? Because I plan to station myself there and just soak up the art."
In fact, local scenesters might want to make tonight a full evening of gallery-hopping. Henry's upstairs has an opening titled "Good Vibe Mountain," featuring "found object art, photography, xerox transfers, giclee prints, poetry, text messages, modified found objects, and unabashed appropriation."
Chip: "Text messages are not art, unless they are what the kids call 'sexting' messages. I'm so good at sexting it's ridiculous. Here's an example: 'Take ur pantiez off.' Put that on the wall and study it, hipsters."
But that's not all! Well-known Larryville artist Molly Murphy ("When you begin a conversation about Art in Lawrence, it usually doesn't take long before you're talking about Molly Murphy."--Lawrence.com), has an exhibition at the Hobbs Lofts near Borders.
Here's her picture, in case you haven't hung out with her before at the Pig.
Weekend Picks: Website, Theatre, Collage! / Plus, This Week in Local Crime
What do hipsters look at on the internet, besides hipster porn* and Pitchfork album reviews? It's a question that's largely been ignored. Lawrence.com occasionally recommends websites that its readership might enjoy, and their choice for the weekend is perhaps worthy of a nod here too: it's called "Nietzsche Family Circus," which pairs a "randomly generated" Family Circus panel with a "randomly generated" quote from Nietzsche, with results such as this:
Richard: "Well, it's a lot funnier than the actual Family Circus. I'll give it that."
Chip: "What I enjoy is pairing Archie comics with excerpts from Penthouse Letters. Instant boner every time."
You can see other examples here: www.losanjealous.com/nfc/
[*Hipster porn = hipsters screwing while listening to the new Dirty Projectors album. Hipsters screw, by the way, in much the same way as they dance, with very limited movement.]
For hipsters who get up early (rare), one of KC's most unusual theatre troupes will be presenting their annual Greek play at 7:30 a.m (in keeping with ancient tradition) along Brush Creek this weekend.
Richard: "I'll bet a lot of significant others are rueing their decision to date an 'artist' right now."
Chip: "I guess it's true what they say: one has to suffer for art...and pussy."
And the weekend's most important hipster event, of course, is Zaguar's collage opening at Wonder Fair on Saturday. Here's another taste of his work:
Richard: "Chilling. Simply chilling."
Chip: "I don't get it."
With Larryville still in the midst of a crimewave, local police have taken to treating every transgressor (even skinnydippers) as if they are Bonnie and Clyde or Dillinger. Yesterday, most of the police force (24 officers) surrounded the Jayhawk Motel to apprehend this scrawny teenager, who robbed a friend in North Lawrence and might have had a gun:
Chip: "If it takes 24 lawdogs to catch this kid, I'm not sure they'll be able to stop the weekly gunfights at Club Axis."
"World's Largest Community Workout" recap! / Plus, The LC's Fashion Session! / Also, Today's Hipster Pick / And The Death of the Cheese Shoppe
Chip predicted 30 participants for yesterday's "record-setting" workout, but 2776 good citizens showed up to do jumping jacks in the sweltering heat, led by local fitness guru "Red Dog." The LJ-World includes this quote from someone named Corky:
"I wanted to be a part of this. I think it's so exciting, my kids are here, my grandkids and I just think it's really a neat thing...It's wonderful just to do it, and it's so Lawrence."
Chip: "It really is so Lawrence, and that's precisely what's wrong with it. In Forttt Scottt, we took the time to actually fill out the Guiness Book paperwork, and as a result we hold the record for lining up the most pennies on the ground. Take that, Larryville health freaks!"
In many ways, the boys are consummate hipsters (they frequently attend Replay shows and kickball games). But one area in which they lag behind is fashion. Sure, they have a certain style (with their elastic pants and their socks-and-sandals), but no one would accuse them of being fashionable. Part of the problem, perhaps, is that they haven't learned how to construct a "look" from local thrift stores, such as Wild Man Vintage.
We recently spotlighted Katy Seib.l's local blog, Kansas Couture (www.kansascouture.com), and in her newest entry she explains a recent "thrifting" experience of her own:
"While thrifting yesterday, I stumbled upon a beautiful pair of Pour La Victoire navy and white peep-toe booties and a darling structured vintage handbag. I knew I wanted to build a ladylike retro-inspired outfit around these items. This ruffly pink silk wrap blouse is perhaps the girliest item in my closet, so it was a great starting point. I layered it over a breezy strapless sundress and added a couple of simple accessories. After work, for a cooler, more casual look, I lost the shirt but kept its belt (worn backwards to show the cool details)."
Richard: "I keep hoping to run into Ms. Seib.l at the Replay sometime and strike up a conversation about 'thrifting' and blogging. But should I mention that we've featured her pictures twice now on the blog, once with a 'boning' joke?"
Chip: "I don't have a foot fetish or anything, but I wouldn't mind seeing some Quinton's waitresses wearing 'peep-toe booties.' It just sounds so cute, in a sort of disturbing way."
Perhaps a look at this week's Style Scout might reveal the kind of look the boys should be aiming for. Currently profiled is Spencer Osbourne who was "scouted" while (surprisingly!) shopping at Wildman Vintage. Spencer describes his look as "a mix betweeen trashy and classy," and says that he's been compared to Tom Cruise a lot. Take a look:
Chip: "That dude does look a little like Tom Cruise!"
So what do you think, readers? Is this the look the boys should be sporting? Beth: we need your help!
Tonight's the night for the Mark Mallman gig at the Replay (featured in our sidebar), and Lawrence.com offers this description:
"Minneapolis rocker Mark Mallman exhibits a propensity for sociopathic lyrical punditry and swaggering piano rock boosted by high leg kicks and suggestive keyboard straddling."
Chip: "He seems to be one of those songwriters, kind of like Daniel Johnson, who should probably actually be in a mental hospital instead of onstage surrounded by hipsters watching him like an animal in a zoo, no doubt hoping for a breakdown."
Richard: "Wait, how does Chip know Daniel Johnson? I think these voices are getting sort of mixed up in my head."
The financial crisis has claimed one more downtown institution: Kansas's longest-running pharmacy, the Round Corner Drug and Cheese Shoppe, shut down yesterday. The townies on the LJ-World are either very upset or just being ironic (it's hard to tell):
Chewyfally says: "Darn. That's the only place in town that sells my husband's mustache wax."
Posted by Nog at 12:38 PM 10 comments
Today Larryville WILL Set a World Record! / Recent Concert Reviews / Plus, a Photo Blog!
We mentioned Larryville's planned attempt to set a "world record" for "largest community workout" a few weeks back, and the day has finally come: this afternoon at 6:00 p.m. in the fields near 23rd and Iowa (be there, you fat townies!).
The logic behind the event seems to be: (a) the organizers were far too lazy to actually coordinate the event with the Guinness Book but (b) because no one else seems to hold a record for this particular event, the town is perfectly justified in calling it a "world record" no matter how many people show up (Chip: "I predict 30, tops.").
Richard: "I certainly enjoy doing push-ups during the hottest part of the day, but I'll probably just stay home and watch the coverage on Channel 6 News at 6:00."
In case you missed the Kid Rock show at Sandstone on the 4th (traitors!), we offer this description from the Pitch's Wayward Blog:
"Kid Rock came on stage amidst a flurry of pyrotechnics, flanked on each side of the stage by large lit up bottles of Red Stag, the new black-cherry-infused version of Jim Beam."
Chip: "Red Stag has become the official drink of Forttt Scottt in recent days. We love to get trashed on it and headbutt each other like a couple of majestic stags in an antler-fight."
The LC is often criticized for using "too many words," so occasionally we like to reward our laziest readers with a nice photo-blog so you can just kick back and enjoy some pictures without having to think too much. Here are some shots (click to enlarge) from the recent That Damn Sasquatch show at the Replay and an art opening at the Pig featuring computer-generated imagery using MS Paint software:
A friend of Richard's recently coined the important new word "hipstar" to denote locally famous hipsters, such as this guy, a triple threat in town as a member of Naomi What?, a member of the Rooftop Vigilantes, and the Sunday night doorman at the Replay. The guy behind him is his understudy.
There's really a lot going on in this picture. On stage is a white-boy funk band, rare in itself at the Replay, as is the large size of the lead singer (most hipsters are scrawny). In front of the stage is probably the town's most famous elderly lesbian, joined by a young lady who looks sort of like the chick that works at the Dusty Bookshelf. But perhaps the most interesting thing here is the woman facing the camera, who appears to be crying, perhaps because there's not a single shitty indie rock band on the bill tonight.
And here we see one wall of the Pig's current art show. One of the works appears, at first glance, to be an ass with a hat on it, but closer inspection reveals it to be a portrait of a Bourgeois Pig (see the curly tail) with a hat on its back (we think). Very clever. But is it art, or isn't it?
"Hipification": A Sociological Investigation / Plus, Is It Art, Or Isn't It? (Once More, With Nudity!) / And the LJ-World Gets More Expensive!
We're all familiar with "gentrification," but how about "hipification," the process by which an influx of hipsters moves in and rejuventates a dying neighborhood. A recent NY-Times piece called "Skid row to hip in Toronto" offers insight into the phenomenon, exploring how a run-down Toronto neighborhood, full of drug dealers and prostitutes, is transitioning into a lovely hipster community: "Block by block, they are transforming this stretch of Dundas Street West from a grimy skid row into a bright enclave filled with quirky bookstores, vegan restaurants and organic cafes." (Chip: "I'd prefer the drug dealers and hookers.").
Obviously, downtown Larryville has a powerful hipster presence (look no further than the Replay, the Jackpot, and the TapRoom), but is the 'hipification' of downtown expanding? Perhaps. After all, the Northside's planned upscale riverside shopping district has reverted back to the Gaslight. And Mass. Street's Blue Heron furniture, loved by West Side yuppies, is currently going out of business (pictured below), leaving bewildered rich folks to buy their sofas from that crazy fucker on Iowa Street who makes his employees dress up in king and queen costumes and dance in the scorching sunshine (Richard: "I hope an excellent new hipster thrift store opens in the Blue Heron location. We need at least one more place specializing in kickball-wear.").
Rangelife Records owner Zach Hangauer (whose "artist name" is Zaguar) gets his own art show this Saturday at Wonder Fair, a showcase for his large collages. His source material, according to Lawrence.com, is primarily: "Look, Life, Saturday Evening Post, Playboy and holiday magazines from the late '50s through the mid '80s."
Let's take a look at one of them:
Richard: "In his juxtaposition of the Playboy model against a backdrop of obvious 'art,' Hangauer calls into question the artificiality of both. The woman's masturbatory pose seems to parody the aesthetic pleasure one supposedly gains from 'traditional' art, while perhaps making the viewer question our true sources of aesthetic pleasure, since, let's be honest here, the eye is drawn more to the woman than to the backdrop. This is local work at its most provocative. Art!"
Chip: "I'm going with art on this one too, because of the titties...and that other stuff you said."
Following suit after the KC-Star's recent price raise, the daily LJ-World will now also cost you 75 cents. But one need look no further than today's editorials to see that it's worth the cost. Erin Patterson-Sexson has written a piece in the voice of her dog, Chumley, a "Bassador," praising the Lawrence Humane Society:
"Since I was adopted, my parents, my slobbery brother Hutch (a yellow Lab), and I drove all the way to Alaska to live...Just a few weeks ago my new baby brother (he's a human) was born and soon enough he will be big enough to play with me and scratch my ears."
Chip: "I won't lie. I teared up a little when I read this."
The Boys Country Corner Returns, with Brad Paisley! / Is It Art, Or Isn't It? / Plus, The Boys' Look At Their Favorite New Blog (Again!)
Yes, the Country Corner is back again. It kind of has to be, since Brad Paisley has a new album. With his tender love songs about pests ("I'd like to check you for ticks") and his ode to on-line personas ("I grow another foot and I lose a bunch of weight every time I login"), no country artist has provided the boys more joy over the years than Paisley. But the critics are saying that the new record marks a transition into a more mature era for Paisley, one where he tackles serious topics head-on. Let's take a look at the title track, "American Saturday Night," obviously intended as a celebration of multiculturalism (a bold move in itself, given our culture's fondness for Toby Keith sticking a boot in the ass of "furriners.").
"There's a big toga party tonight down at Delta Chi
they've got Canadian bacon on their pizza pie
they've got a cooler full of cold Coronas and Amstel light
It's like were all livin' in a big ol' cup
just fire up the blender, mix it all up
It's a French kiss, Italian ice
margaritas in the moonlight (woahhhh)
just another American Saturday night"
Richard: "Paisley cleverly transforms the hoary old 'melting pot' cliche into a Dixie cup metaphor that's perfect for the consumption of his mainstream audience. Yet the final line of his chorus sort of undercuts the call for diversity, privileging an 'American" worldview that conveniently absorbs cultural differences under a single, normalizing umbrella term ("everywhere has something they're known for / although usually it washes up on our shores," he goes on to sing). And although the song doesn't neglect a few former enemies (the U.S.S.R gets a nod, during a Beatles reference, as do German cars), you'll notice the telling absence of anything Middle Eastern here."
Chip: "So the French invented that tongue-kissing thing? I've never much cared for it, myself."
Wonder Fair, Larryville's second quirkiest art gallery, hosts their first ever silent-auction tonight. What's being sold?
"...a series of ten assemblages by Jonathan Holley — cigarette packs and fashion photographs clipped from magazines, mounted onto foamcore within plain white frames (invisible in elevation), back-lit with Christmas lights, slathered in decoupage, and quite beautiful in the dark. The assemblages simultaneously evoke the trash neon of a dive bar and the religious glow of stained glass. Each is composed of exactly 100 cigarette packs." (Lawrence.com).
Bidding starts at a dollar.
Chip: "Not beautiful (even in the dark). Not 'religious.' Not worth a dollar. Not art!"
Richard: "With any luck, you'll see at least one of these adorning my living room the next time you come over. Art!"
Only Cl.thier was paying attention last week when we spotlighted our favorite new blog, a sexy personal blog out of KC called "May's Machete":
www.maysmachete.blogspot.com/
So today we take you back into May's world once more, hoping that more of our readers will discover its wonders.
In this excerpt, May discusses her love affair with a Trekkie:
"In a moment of post-coital geniality, I was examining my armpit hair both visually and tactilely (i.e. I was petting it), "Look how cute it is! All fluffy... it's like a Tribble! [insert cooing Tribble noises here]. That led to a sound kissing, and, less romantically, to a discussion of the Deep Space Nine/Star Trek cross-over episode, which led to a discussion of the Klingon's genetic evolution...".
Chip: "Gross...yet why do I have a boner the size of the Enterprise right now?"
Recent Adventures at the Newly Reopened Gaslight Tavern!/ Sunday Kickball Coverage / Plus, Lawrence.com Photos of the Week!
Well, another Fourth of July has come and gone, readers, and most townies were certainly glad to have the fireworks back downtown again (aside from the minor irritation that no one bothered to determine in advance if they would actually be visible from the new viewing area in Watson Park). Richard, naturally, opted for his preferred location north of the river, taking in the festivities at the grand re-opening of the Gaslight Tavern, where new owner Outlaw Jake seems to be abandoning the venue's former hippie-hovel vibe and going for more of a redneck atmosphere, with giant Jack Daniels posters and a "bikers welcome" sign out front. Although Richard disapproved of the bright, clean interior ("Ah, what happened to the dank?"), the blackboard walls of the venue's one restroom are a nice touch, with customers encouraged to graffiti them up with sidewalk chalk, resulting in a lot of "Good luck, Jake" salutations and a giant "Fuck.MySister.Com." On its opening weekend, the venue attracted an interesting mix of old rednecks pointing wildly at the explosions in the sky (perhaps thinking they were back in 'Nam), young hippie chicks who seemed scared of the old rednecks, scenesters such as Richard, and a surprising number of women who wouldn't have seemed out of place at Quinton's on a Tuesday (apparently they were both (a) friends with the bartendress and (b) there to score drugs). Richard gives the venue three shitty domestic beers out of four (because that's the daily special) and predicts it will close before autumn when Outlaw Jake gets arrested for something (the guy just looks a little dangerous).
If there's anything more exciting than the usual Sunday kickball games, it's the annual "All-Star" game, happening tonight, in which the most amazing "athletes" from the Jayhawk and Wakarusa conferences do battle for the delight of fans but mostly so the individual players can spend the evening reminiscing about some of the best times of their lives, such as when they got absolutely pie-eyed on PBR and defeated the Pita Pit team!
Chip: "This is just nearly unbelievably sad if you stop to think about it."
The recent Percolator art gallery benefit at the Replay included a photo booth, which captured some remarkable up-close-and-personal views of local hipsters. Thanks to Lawrence.com for the photos. We've chosen two for your enjoyment!
Richard: "That's totally the dude from Naomi What!"
Chip: "Are they going to kiss? I think they're going to kiss!"
Fourth of July Coverage Continues
The Larryville City Commission does a lot of dumb things (such as domesticating hedgehogs and allowing 'urban chickens'), but last year's decision to move the city's annual fireworks display away from downtown was one of the dumbest. The Commission claimed that the move was due to their fear that people might get drunk and fall in the river, despite the fact that this had never happened during many years of downtown displays (well, the falling in the river part, anyway). Obviously, the decision was a spectacular failure given the fact that most townies never stray from Mass. Street (unless it's to travel one block over to Dempsey's Burger Stand). They certainly never even considered driving five miles to Clinton Park.
So...the fireworks have returned to downtown this year, along with several other events intended to convince people that the Fourth of July is worth going out for, such as the "Tour of Lawrence," a national bicycle race that kicked off last night with a series of "street sprints" that were billed as "fast and furious" but actually contained more dead-time than a soccer match. Even so, thousands turned out for the event, and one hipster apparently got so excited he crawled atop the finish line, perhaps drunk enough to believe he was at an event that was actually exciting (pictured below):
See you at the reopened Gaslight, readers!
Fourth of July Coverage / Plus, The Boys' Spotlight A Sexy Blog Out of KC!
If you're not headed to KC this weekend to see Kid Rock and the current incarnation of Lynyrd Skynyrd, you probably don't love America very much (Chip: "Pretty much the entire population of Forttt Scottt is going."). And Sandstone is offering a very special promotion along with the show: the usual $10 parking fee will be waived for any hybrid or other alternative energy vehicle.
Richard: "As I'm sure Sandstone well knows, almost no one going to this show drives a hybrid. They drive gas-guzzling pickups with bumper stickers that say 'Global warming ain't real' and 'Recycling is for pussies.' It's a very clever promotion that makes them look eco-friendly without actually having to lose any of that sweet parking money."
Chip: "I hope Skynyrd plays Freebird!"
Writing the local satire of the LC is quite rewarding (when people read it), but sometimes the boys long for a simple, personal blog where they chronicle their lives and loves. One such blog out of KC is called "May's Machete" and you can check it out here:
May describes herself as "a writer with a BA in Creative Writing and a MA in Museum Studies. I work in communications for an environmental non-profit. I am a feminist, geek, book-nerd, bisexual, ex-Baptist, pagan, vegetarian, Kansas City-raised cutie pie who's almost too darn smart for her own good." (Chip: "We have so much in common!").
Her blog posts, at their best, give us a powerful insight into her sexuality:
"This last song teleports me straight back to college in Pennsylvania where all of the nerds I was friends with up there were overwhelmingly goth or goth-inclined. Including the one chick I lost my lezzie virginity to and a lesbian that she later had a sub/domme relationship with... and who even later ended up being the first lesbian I had sexual relations with. Good times...And then I get all distracted thinking about how much fun it is to lick girls...MMmm... vagina!"
Chip: "In Forttt Scottt, we don't see the need to post our sexual exploits on the world-wide interweb for all to see. When we want to talk about pussy, we just go down to the town square and sit around and do it there, like normal Americans."
Richard: "I like her blog entry called 'Add some MMmm! to your morning' in which she talks about her love of the 'reverse-striptease.' She explains: 'I find the best way to start the ball rolling with this is to prance around naked after a shower and tell my man to follow me to the bedroom. Sit him down on the bed and shimmy about while you pick out your outfit and throw it piece-by-piece on to the floor. Because then you expose more bending down to pick it all up again as you start putting your clothes on.' I wonder if I'll ever meet this girl at Quinton's?"
This Week in Sports News / Plus, The Boys Check in With "Style Scout" / Also, Fourth of July Coverage!
While the rest of the world continued to mourn the King of Pop, Larryville busied itself this week with the terrifying rumor that highly-touted basketball recruits Xavier and C.J. Henry might NOT be coming to KU after all because their feelings had been hurt by a KC-Star newspaper article. Coach S.lf, his own self, traveled to meet with the family and assure the boys that they were indeed very, very special, resulting in yet another promise that they are definitely headed to KU and leading us straight to another championship.
Chip: "Journalists should NEVER disparage the good name of KU basketball players. Look at the jokes that were made when Sherron whipped his cock out and rubbed himself up against that old lady on the campus elevator. I mean, what was funny about that?"
Sure, it may be officially called "What You're Wearing" these days, but it will always be "Style Scout" to us. Today's edition in the LJ-World features local graphic designer and "full time vampire enthusiast" E who describes her style as "a mix between Liza Minnelli and Phyllis Nefler from the movie 'Troop Beverly Hills." For those of you who may have forgotten that film, it's a 1989 Shelley Long vehicle about a housewife who becomes a Wilderness Scout leader. Has the film become some kind of new hipster classic without Richard's knowledge? Perhaps? E goes on to explain what she'd like to see more of in Larryville ("more cats in businesses") and that people say she looks like Zooey Deschanael (Richard: "She doesn't"). Also scouted today is Jeff Immer, Jr, who would like to see less "rootsy rock and roll music and country-sounding bands" in town (Cl.thier: "What a prick!"), and who describes his fashion influences as "bookish/nebbish looking guys, robots, Farnsworth Bentley, and Andre 3000."
Chip: "And people think it's weird that I don't like hanging out on the streets of Larryville."
Richard: "What kind of person wants to see more cats in businesses? Aren't the cats of Love Garden and Dusty Bookshelf enough? Between those two locations, I think there's about eleven of those feline fuckers making me sneeze while I look for Transmittens records and used copies of Chabon."
Readers, if you're a true patriot, you've probably already got plans to blow shit up and get hammered this holiday weekend, but if you're still looking for something to do, we offer this off-the-beaten path suggestion: an event called the Vinland Cracker, in which local eccentrics travel ten miles out of Larryville to sleepy Vinland, Kansas and blow things up in the town's aerodrome.
One of the event's most popular attractions is called the "Barbie-Q," in which participants join together in "deforming Barbie dolls with smoke bombs" (Lawrence.com). A young fan offers this quote on Lawrence.com:
"It's really cool," Sylvie says of the Barbie-Q. "We also really like it when people bring their Hello Kitties and My Little Ponies and blow them up."
Richard: "I'm going to blow up some Transformers while shouting 'Fuck Michael Bay!'"
See you in Vinland!
The Boys TV Pick of the Week! / Hipster PIck of the Day / Also, Babes We'd Bone Is Back Again!
The boys, of course, are consistently dismayed by the ever-increasing vulgarization of society, so when they heard about the new summer TV series called "Dance Your Ass Off," they naturally assumed it would be an attempt by Fox to cash in on the recent craze of dance-competition shows.
Imagine their surprise, however, when they realized the program was on the Oxygen channel and that the title was meant to be taken literally: yes, it's a dance competition for overweight people. As with other such competitions, one person is voted off each week, in this case, the person who is still too fat and can't dance very well.
Chip: "I'm sure the creators have good intentions here, but let's face facts. If people tune in, it's going to be because they think it's funny to watch fat people dance, with all that jiggling!"
Richard: "I suspect the program is ultimately too tasteful to find widespread appeal. However, I imagine that Fox's fall series called "More To Love" will be a huge hit. It's a dating show for overweight people."
When Canadian rock-duo Japandroids cancelled their recent Larryville show, many hipsters would have cried (if they had real emotions). Luckily, the band is making it up to the region tonight with an appearance at the Record Bar in KC.
Pitchfork gives their album "Post-nothing" a very solid 8.3 and writes of the song "Wet Hair": "...I'll be surprised if I play another song in 2009 as much as this one. Its structure is almost comically linear-- there's three lines in the whole thing, and the most ridiculous one gets repeated for nearly half of its three minutes, something about going to France to French kiss some French girls."
Well, the reviewer may not have accurately counted the lines, but the song is indeed short (but remarkably deep). Here are the lyrics in their entirety and you can listen in today's sidebar:
"She had wet hair
I couldn't resist it
These girls are all
We need a ride to Bikini Island
We run the gauntlet
Must get to France
So we can French kiss some French girls"
Richard: "These few lines say more than many indie-hipster novelists manage to say in 300 page novels. I particularly love the middle stanza."
Chip: "Wet hair is indeed erotic. I think I'll spend the day at Highpointe Apartments, observing the wet hair of sorostitutes but, most importantly, getting some much needed Vitamin D."
The return of "Babes We'd Bone" was highly praised last week, with many readers saying that their boners returned as soon as the column began, even before they saw that picture of Isla Fisher.
Today's subject: Amy Adams. It's rare in Hollywood these days to find someone who combines powerful acting skills and extreme boneability, and we think that Ms. Adams may well become the new "America's Sweetheart," now that Julia Roberts is getting too old to bone (although we'd still bone her).
Let's take a look at this shot from Vanity Fair:
Richard: "Even her performance as a nun in John Patrick Shanley's Doubt gave me a boner. Should I go to confession about this, or is it normal?"
Chip: "I like her so much that I even saw that kiddie fairy-tale film called Enchanted. I found it quite enchanting, I must admit. Especially her breasts."
Posted by Nog at 7:58 AM 10 comments
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Build, deploy and support Azure deployments from Ubuntu and Mac. I will cover the Ubuntu steps in this post. I will cover the Ubuntu steps in this post. SQL Server on Linux .... Unpack the mystery behind what's in a RubyGem. Structure of a Gem. Each gem has a name, version, and platform. For example, the rake gem has a 0.8.7 version (from May, 2009).
After my last apt-get upgrade I noticed that TensorFlow stopped working. I tried to update all software again and now my apt-get complains about this "click" module. % sudo apt-get install -f I tried to update all software again and now my apt-get complains about this "click" module.... Ubuntu is by far the easiest and most accessible distribution to use, although most Linux distributions can be used for this. Using another computer, browse to the Ubuntu website and download the copy that is right for your architecture.
4 System Administration Up: Linux Installation and Getting Previous: 2 Obtaining and Installing . 3 Linux Tutorial 3.1 Introduction. If you're new to UNIX and Linux, you may be a bit intimidated by the size and apparent complexity of the system before you.
In this tutorial, we will build NGINX with all available modules in open source version of NGINX and we will use mainline version which is at 1.15.0 at the time of this writing.


text:
NAMA Hosts Milling Industry Interns in Washington, DC for a Public Policy Experience
NAMA milling industry interns attended a reception that included interns from the American Bakers Association and the National Corn Growers Association in Washington, DC.
WASHINGTON, DC – July 24, 2013: The North American Millers' Association (NAMA) hosted ten summer interns from member companies for a Washington public policy experience yesterday. Cargill/Horizon Milling interns Amie Canarr and Ryan Welker; ConAgra Mills interns Sabrina Reynolds, Jessica Solo and Luke Weinheimer; Bunge Milling interns Tyler Watson, Jacob Porter, Paul Catterson, and Kenton Robert; and Wilkins Rogers Mills intern Travis Grover met with the U.S. Senate Committee on Agriculture, Nutrition and Forestry and with the House of Representatives Agriculture Committee. They learned how the Farm Bill can affect the future of milling.
Randy Garvert, senior director, manufacturing, ConAgra Mills; Aaron Black, director of operations, Wilkins Rogers Mills; and Lisa Kiriaki, operations human resource lead, Horizon Milling, accompanied their interns.
"The NAMA intern program shows member company interns the big picture on how public policy is formulated through the collaboration of industry representatives, legislators, and regulators," said NAMA Chairman Jim Meyer, president Italgrani U.S.A., Inc. "It adds value to their intern experience to learn how decisions made in Washington affect the milling industry," said Meyer.
Interns also met Rasma Zvaners, policy director, American Bakers Association (ABA) to learn about how ABA and NAMA work on issues together for the benefit of the entire industry. Danielle Mutone-Smith, policy and technical division, Food for Peace, U.S. Agency for International Development presented "Food Aid 101" to the interns.
Welker, Grover, Porter, Catterson, Robert, Reynolds and Weinheimer are enrolled in the milling science and management program at Kansas State University. Canaar is enrolled in the engineering program at the University of North Dakota, Watson is enrolled in the mechanical engineering program at California State University, and Solo is enrolled in the food science program at Kansas State University.
Click here to view more photos of the NAMA Intern Public Policy Experience.
NAMA is the trade association of the wheat, corn, oat, and rye milling industries. Member companies operate mills in 38 states and Canada, representing more than 90 percent of total industry production capacity.
The North American Millers' Association prohibits discrimination in all its programs and activities on the basis of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, marital or family status, age, disability, political beliefs, or sexual orientation. Persons with disabilities who require alternative means for communication of program information (Braille, large print, audiotape, etc.) should contact NAMA at 202.484.2200 (voice and TDD). To file a complaint of discrimination, write to Terri Long, Secretary, 600 Maryland Avenue SW, Suite 825W, Washington, DC, 20024 or call 202.484.2200 ext. 11. NAMA is an equal opportunity provider and employer.
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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl