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Category Archives: Unholy Matrimony
The Jealousy Object
January was an interesting experience, as regards matters of the heart. Interesting, I say, as a way of deflecting the bad-taste-in-mouth feelings that came up. In December I found myself catching the feels for someone I'd known casually for awhile and not given that much thought to. That is not so long ago but given that I was coming out of a dry spell, anything in the range of attraction-affection felt big and intense. I've spent most of these weeks trying to discern what is, what I'm feeling and where this goes. It's important for me to correctly understand what I'm feeling and act accordingly rather than vomit it out in a tantrum and hope for the world to make sense of it.
The good parts of these weeks were feeling desired and attractive. That was really, really good. That's possibly why it took me some time to realise they weren't real feelings and that I had inadvertently fallen into somebody else's game, a game that I had no part in.
There's no easy way to say this. I've written four drafts and all of them are rubbish so I'll just say it. There's a guy and there's a girl. The guy calls her a good friend. The girl calls him a variety of things, depending on who is being spoken to and whether or not he is in the room (ranging from 'jaanoo' to well, stories about how he farts in her face when he wakes up next to her in the morning). The guy talks about how exclusivity is a patriarchal concept, how he is the constant in the lives of his friends-with-benefits (who purportedly have partners that are not constant for them). The girl says she knows he sleeps with other people but at least he tells her about it which is better than her last guy. The guy strings her along with "Later", "Not now" while he's on dates with others. The girl marks her territory by showing up at the restaurants where he's on dates.
And why this is a game is because of what happens after. Girl and guy ride off together, often with the hapless date in tow. Sometimes in place of a date, it's a damsel-in-distress to assuage the guy's saviour complex. Only said damsels are just needy enough to be allowed mild PDA but never given the status of an actual object of affection. Once the date/damsel-in-distress/Jealousy Object has been discarded or dropped off, guy and girl ride off into the moonshine they've built together. Happily ever after.
I realise why I was so 'confused' as I described it all these weeks. I do not like being an object of any kind. I am not a fucking dildo for someone else's messed up headgames. I'm not a sex toy to make somebody else's fucked up relationship interesting. I do not like being used. I do not fight territory battles over people because people are not property. I'd like to say I don't play games in relationships but that would be naive so I'll just say this is not the game I play. Not the jealousy game, no.
I've been Sex Object a lot of times. I've buckled under the burdens of Affection Object (wherein man showers all his gawdawful poetry/singing and assumes his role is done with the hard work of building a relationship, managing the in-law people and the emotional labour of the relationship falls to me). And now I'm realising I've also occasionally been the Jealousy Object. This is the prop that (usually) men use to make the woman they're with, feel bad about herself so (presumably) she won't think to leave them.
This is the behaviour exhibited by numerous ex-boyfriends who've never been that nice to me but make sure to tell their current partners about how slim I am (body-shaming is the first play in the book of a Jealousy Game player). I've also been the 'She's more successful than you' prop' and the 'So much cooler than you' thing on account of my recent stage career.
I have never liked it. It's a horrible thing to do a person and no, it doesn't not feel like a compliment to me. Firstly, it is not a compliment to me to be used to make another woman feel bad. Secondly, there is nothing complimentary about using me as an object to incite some feeling in a relationship with someone else. That's no better than a picture in Playboy that a man might use mentally to get off, were he not feeling that attracted to his partner.
Not that the girl's behaviour is anything I want to feel empathy over. The feminist in me shies away from outright shaming but honestly, settling for someone who behaves badly is just a bad idea. What's more, this willingness to play along and assert territoriality in desperate ways weakens things for all women. And finally and most important to me, it is directly disrespectful to me. I don't care how badly you've been treated before or how weak you are or how much you care about him — none of these will ever be good enough reason for you to use me.
Ugh, I am utterly disgusted by both people's behaviour, no matter how objectively I try to look at it. As some kind of poor consolation prize, I guess I'm lucky I got out with not too much harm done and at least with a post to boot.
Argh will it ever stop, this discovering of how fucky-ass fuccbois (and their complicit females) can be?
P.S. – Here's another worthy piece of content that came to be because of the above experience.
THE DIMMER I thought you were intelligent his tone matches the sudden darkness that falls as I scramble for clarity, fumble to see I'm confused, I say and as the lights come back on, I know I've said something wrong We were building a conversation on vulnerability and feelings, never the easiest building blocks And he has stopped building, ceased contributing Did he ever contribute? But… I thought you were intelligent, he reiterates, His critical look pinpointing my unshed tears and I swallow, tears, feelings, doubts, me This is how we begin orchestrated self harm, cutting away pieces of ourselves that he doesn't deem right editing our emotions like hanging threads on a neckline that must only show soft curves and empathy for his feelings He fiddles with the switches and it's clear again All's right, he's right and the messes don't show I thought you were intelligent But you're not being very intelligent right now I smell the acrid odour of things that char without flames And this is how we allow men to determine our self-worth with their scales of control their measures of self-interest disguised as logic This is how we barter away pieces of our souls for one scrap of validation, a morsel of attention I thought you were intelligent But you're not being very intelligent right now And the darkness is now inside me And the gas vapours don't hurt my eyes any more It's still and it's peaceful As my eyes adjust, so do my breaths Clarity can come in a dark room and battered lungs can still adapt to poisoned air As I watch him fumble in my direction, I hear myself say Dim the gaslights I will burn on. #theideasmithy #blog #relationships #menandwomen #men #women #gaslighting #abuse #emotionalmanipulation #emotions #emotional #genderpolitics #toxic #conversations #toxicrelationships
A post shared by Ramya 🏊🏽♀🌱📚 (@ideasmithy) on Jan 26, 2019 at 5:37am PST
If you liked this post, you'll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I'm Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I'm on Twitter and Instagram.
Posted in Men, men, men, Relationships, The Dating Game, Times, they are a-changing, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Jealousy, Mindgames, S&M, Woke men, Wokebro
In The Name Of Love (For Many)
Polyamory: Millennial Free Love Or Old Cheating With A New Name?
I've written about polyamory before though on The Idea-smithy rather than here. Let me start by explaining why I did that. I know running two blogs is no mean feat but the trickiest thing is not the ideation (hah, look at my name!) or content production. It's deciding what goes where and when. The Idea-smithy was my first blog and is the source of my pen name, now a stage name, a preferred identity and the base of my social and professional world. XX Factor started as an offshoot of The Idea-smithy, a standout character from a cast that also featured some pretty dark poetry, moody home truths, wistful and wishful thinking and just fantasy. My posts about womanhood and about men seemed important – to me and my readers and so I decided they merited a blog of their own. In the 15 years since then, my understanding of my own gender, sex, sexuality and identity have evolved. These come from personal experiences whose accounts rightfully belong in The Idea-smithy since it was and still is a personal journal. But the specific love-sex-dating-relationships-gender incidents as well as how they affect my identity sit with XX Factor. Sometimes it's hard to draw those distinctions. But all of this works as long as I compartmentalise. It's very important to me.
So how do I decide where to put a subject like polyamory? Fundamentally it seems to be about love and sex, so yes XXFactor. On the other hand, it is about language, about society's norms, about our personal politics and how we navigate the world and that makes The Idea-smithy claim it. I guess at the deepest level, I don't know how I feel about it. So I can't decide which neat and tidy room in my life to place it in – my emotions or my ideologies.
I've known polyamorous people. I've been out with some. I have felt a deep connection, even great affection for a polyamorous person. But I've also known a lot of men who use polyamory as license to cheat and humiliate their partners. I've known more than I think, my fair share of ways in which men exploit every privilege afforded them by the world to wreck destruction. "You can love multiple people" feels like handing over a loaded gun to a seven year old with non-existent impulse control and a propensity to damage things.
I have known at least three women whose partners have philandered (and I don't care if that word sounds old-fashioned because it's still relevant) and caused them long-term damage through public humiliation, gaslighting and financial exploitation, all in the name of loving many. I was the subject (the target) of the attentions of these 'polyamorous' men. That they ranged from 'dangerous conversations' to 'sexual harassment' is semantics. Because the nature of trust and respect is hard to define and words are but warm air until someone decides to assign meaning to sounds. We all do and we place so much faith in them that it's easy – too easy – to get lost and to get hurt. I've seen it all happen.
All my experiences of love and sex that contribute to this blog stem from experiences that challenge me and make me question who I am, at the core. Whether it was wondering how I felt towards people who loved others of the same sex or whether it's taking a stand on abortion, it always comes down to this. I accept the human condition with all the ways in which other people express it differently from me. Acceptance means bearing witness with respect, not being indifferent or judgemental. It was relatively easy to conclude this for a gay/lesbian person. A little harder (intellectually) to come to this mental place for a trans person. Not even a question when it came to kinks and distinguishing sexual inclinations from tangled emotions. But I still don't know where I stand on polyamory.
If it's only about feeling love for a lot of people, what's new about that? Isn't that every single human being on the planet and what's the need for a special label for this? If it's about non-monogamous sex, Tinder made that the reality of our generation and again, why a label? And then, how are there also marriages and couples within polyamory since those terms define exclusively monogamous relationships (by law too)? My thoughts are as cliched as those of monogamous people, the overwhelming one being, "It's hard enough to maintain one romantic relationship, how on earth do people manage multiple ones simultaneously?". And yet, I detest labels so I chafe at being clubbed in with the monogamous. This doesn't mean I willingly pledge my troth with the opposite side because polyamory is a label too. It's easiest for me to be okay with everyone doing their own thing, mainly because I see these as if from the outside.
The hardest thing is being part of the picture and living it with grace. 'Polyamory' like so much else reminds me of the horrible past relationship that was systematically strewn with every manner of lying, humiliation and abuse. That he began our relationship with the sentence "I don't want any of this open relationship shit. Brutal honesty, that's all." and meticulously went on to lie and cheat in every textbook way while making me end my friendships with exes and keeping me off the stage – these still loom large and dark in my perceptions, no matter how hard I try and keep perspective.
Earlier this year I met someone who introduced me to 'the poly community'. Of course, I remembered thinking, something like this needs a community. For one, it's a hard idea for the world to accept and there's strength in numbers. Secondly, by its very definition, polyamory means loving several people, including the people that the ones you love, love. In theory that sounded nice. I always thought I was a 70s hippie flower child born in the wrong time, after all. The idea of a contemporary commune of people expressing love and respect openly, minus social restrictions and free of the pseudo-spiritual drug culture of the time, sounded wonderful. In reality however, it was a dark room (why? there were plenty of lights and in Mumbai, the electricity never goes) with a heavy fog of weed smoke. The conversations ranged from inane to mundane, the kind you'd find in any watering joint in this city on a weekend, among people desperately trying to fill loneliness with intoxication and noise. And finally, it didn't last longer than a few weeks as Person A's 'primary' Person B moved to another city and Person C (earlier a secondary) decided they preferred Person D, who in turn was great friends with B, and also got along really well with me while their primary 'knew' (don't ask me if that's in the biblical sense) my ex's somethingsomething. I couldn't keep track of primaries, secondaries, tertiaries and whatever comes after that. That last bit did it.
While I've been slightly amused by a friend freaking out about Sex Degrees of Separation, this is getting just too connected for comfort. I never want to remember that the monster I was engaged to, inhabits the same universe as me. Of course, he does, but compartmentalisation allows me to keep my sanity and peace of mind and focus on things that matter to me. I don't want to have any conversations about love or sex or intimacy or anything with anybody even remotely connected to him. Full termination, amputation, whatever you may call it. Even while I don't like them, boundaries work for me.
Which brings me back to – Polyamorous People. I'll never judge an idea. It is after all, something magical, something intangible that has the power to shape identities, change lives, transform generations. People though, are much smaller, pettier and more limited than ideas. And this is after all, not about how I feel about polyamory but how I feel about polyamorous people.
That, I think will depend on the person themselves. There are people that I am willing to overlook some of my rules, for. There are others whose seemingly minor infractions are causes to block, unmatch, report, ghost or terminate. There's no one formulaic reaction to polyamorous people (or their communities) because there's no one formulaic polyamorous person. This is not judgemental, it's accepting and respectful while staying true to my nature.
I don't know what I'd do if I fell in love with a polyamorous person and didn't want to become one though.
Posted in Laws of Attraction, Relationships, The Dating Game, Times, they are a-changing, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Consent, Consent violation, Poly community, Polyamory, Trust
Fairytale Character
Posted in Harassment & abuse, I'm An Indian Woman, Seriously speaking, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Fairytales, Marital rape, YourQuote
3AM Maneuvers
Our waking moments in bed were fraught with clumsy moves and clunky negotiation. But at night, long after you'd fallen asleep, I would listen to you breathe.
Do you know how many trips I took around the bed, to judge AC draft & sound? I would fine tune air and sound and light to give you perfection in sleep that I never seem to be able to bring to your waking hours.
The nights after we'd fought the worst, you'd snore the hardest, while I lay awake, failing, even in your sleep.
Follow my writings on https://www.yourquote.in/ideasmithy
Posted in Confessional, Flying solo, Relationships, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Couple fights, Nostalgia, Sharing a bed, Sleep, Sleeping together, Unfinished Notes, YourQuote
You always had an option
Posted in Relationships, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Liars, Lying, Toxic relationships, YourQuote
Follow my writings on https://www.yourquote.in/idea-smith-qor/quotes/
Posted in Harassment & abuse, I'm An Indian Woman, Relationships, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: First night, Marital rape, Virgin, Virginity, YourQuote
An Unequal Music
After he broke my iPod (and it was almost comical since he had to smash it several times and jump on it to break), and his own, he bought me a new one. This despite my never wanting to see one again. Why would I? His music taunted my lack of intelligence and I was too terrified to listen to music I used to like. He waited six months, not allowing me to buy him an iPod, not buying himself one, carrying the badge of the denied genius. Sharp at month 6, he bought one and paraded it around defiantly as if I had kept him from it. Six months, he told me proudly, six months I had decided I would go without an iPod. Six months where he taunted my lack of taste in music and when he didn't, the empty iPod he bought me sneered. So precise and calculated.
I come from a tradition of music, of training and performing. But I have never owned a music player after that. I have since, won back my right to listen to music I like, even as I indulge this only sparingly. There are too many echoes of hatred and violence in anything I listen to.
His music was music, his self-flagellation was greatness. Mine was just shallow, stupid, worthless. And yet, he's barely my worst offender when it comes to music. My sexual predator guitar teacher from age 11 and violent, abusive fan-boyfriend (from "Your singing drew me out of my quiz and I just had to come talk to the girl on stage." to "You are so black and ugly, a guy would only be with you because you look easy.") from age 22 lead this gaslighting, dangerous ex-fiance of mine.
But I will never forgive the wounds he scratched on my faith in idealistic people, my empathy for abuse/violence sufferers. I will never forgive him for turning me into the demons in his head and me into a monster. And in this, there is its own kind of music. You thought your music was angry?
~O~O~O~
This was triggered by the book 'When I Hit You' by Meena Kandasamy. Notably by a section where her violent abuser shuts down her poetry writing as vindiction but justifies his own poetry as self-flagellation. Just like my ex and the iPods.
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Posted in Confessional, Harassment & abuse, Relationships, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: A-List, Abuse, Mr.Everyday, Violence, Violence against women
The Marriage Certificate LOC
Yesterday evening I got stood up by a friend with the excuse being the spouse. The spouse is also a friend so this means I have been stood up by two people. Whatever was going on between them, they decided it was okay to go back on a word given to me and waste my time. The excuses were in place. But there is a pattern in this particular case. I just got fed up of seeing it, when (as I realised), it had nothing to do with me but still impacted me. I tweeted the following:
Marriage really does become that political boundary between people, turning them from friends to people needing security checks and visas.
— Ramya Pandyan (@ideasmithy) February 9, 2017
I can see a lot of single people nodding their heads at this while the coupled-up types bristle and prepare to call me names. The worst part about this? There are two of them versus one of me. Never mind that they also have the world on their side before I even speak. I am after all, just that annoying unmarried type Who Doesn't Understand, Her Life Is So Cushy, What Problems Could She Possibly Have?
Last week I had an upsetting argument stemming from the following Facebook post:
"This is for couples who flaunt their love on Facebook, then go suddenly quiet after the break up. You need to tell us exactly what happened. We invested a lot of time, likes and comments on your pictures and posts. We need closure as well."
I cannot even begin to explain how entitled, how selfish and disrespectful this is. But I'll try so bear with me if this is basic (it seems to need to be spelt out).
Nobody on Facebook is required to share anything with the others.
No one is required to offer up palatable, perfect stories for other people.
You may be entertained by what people share but they are not required to entertain you.
Facebook allows you to Mute people, if you do not like their posts.
To compare what a couple invests in a relationship, to other people's likes and comments is a horrible trivialisation of emotion. You may not like how a story ends or you may find yourself mildly irritated when a story you've followed on TV gets terminated abruptly. Does that really compare with the relationship ending? And given how devastating a break-up is, is it worthy to make a joke of it?
*Image via Ambro on FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Earlier this year, I found out from Facebook that a friend died. I do not know what the circumstances were but given that he was young and had posted vacation pictures just a week earlier, it must have been an accident. A week later, his mother put up an update requesting people to stop calling to ask what happened because it forced the family to relive the trauma.
Do we forget that there is a human being at the other end and not a reality TV star performing for our entertainment? Yes, I think we do, on social media. In the latter, I'm sure a lot of you agree that making those demands was insensitive because we all dread and fear death. In the former, what happens to married/coupled-up people? Do they believe that somehow they are immune to the vagaries of emotion? Does marriage/comittment give them iron-clad protection from the devastation of separation? We all know that is not true. Then why, why are they so cruel, so judgemental?
The person I had that argument with, believed that I was shaming their happiness. It's true that I said a lot of strong things, including comparing their attitude to racism. But neither is the calling out of racism, nor is protesting this joke about shaming another person's privilege. Yes, that's right. I said privilege, not happiness. Being in a secure relationship is a privilege. For someone in a position of privilege to make fun of someone who doesn't have that, in a difficult time like a break-up does not strike me as funny at all. That is why this is no different from racism, for me.
I also understand where this attitude comes from. A lot of married people don't think relationships and emotions are really 'serious' unless they've been granted the social-legal sanction of the marriage certificate. Apparently a break-up is trivial, a divorce is not. Domestic violence, abuse, rape, cheating – all of these the price to be paid for 'having fun'; but they're crimes if they come with the wedding label.
I know none of the people close to me (everyone referenced in this post is) truly believe this. Each of them has stood by me and shown more empathy than I've seen in married people. That's part of what makes our friendships possible. And yet, just like with sexism and racism, there are worlds of unacknowledged/unthought of assumptions to be challenged. Till then, the marriage certificate is as political a boundary as the Line Of Control and human relationships across the border just as fraught with tension.
Posted in Digital Dil, Friendship, Relationships, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Empathy, Facebook relationships, Insensitive couples, Married people, Marrieds versus Singletons, Oversharing, Relationship status, Single people, Social media battles
There's No Sane Way To Grieve
I was watching Sex and The City (the first movie). This story with all its flaws and shortcomings, served as a reference point for my early feminism and navigating gender politics and relationships. I saw the film when it first released in 2008 with the mild boredom and indulgent disdain of someone who knows she has outgrown an early affection. I saw the movie a few times again in the later years but it was tainted by my opinion of the second film. I swore off, relegating Carrie (whom I never liked that much) into the bin of my cringeworthy-taste-in-my-younger-years bin. All I saw was the whitewashing, the self-absorption and the deep flaws in the central character. But today, today I saw her pain. And it brought back my own.
My wedding ended, quite the same way as Carrie Bradshaw's. After years of toiling and struggling and stiff-upper-lipping, just when I was ready to believe that I was getting my dreams, it shattered. It was abrupt, cruel and deeply humiliating. And it ground me down in a way that I couldn't ever imagine I'd be ground down. It has been over four years since that happened.
The first thing that struck me, stung me, was the fact that Carrie Bradshaw had a rock-solid fortress of her friends that she could retreat into and let herself shatter. I did not have that. I had a family that took me back, yes. I have lived with feeling immense gratitude for that. After all, I am part of a culture where daughters are killed by their own parents, in the womb, at birth and even as adults to protect their honour. My family did not do that. But they do not think that a 'relationship' is the same thing as a marriage. They believe a breakup is a silly, minor thing, not to be compared to the devastation of divorce. I do not blame them. They've gone far beyond what their generation and our culture has taught them.
But my friends and everyone else around me? That's a whole well of pain. Time and again, over four years I've heard various versions of,
"Who cares about him? Forget him."
"But you are a strong woman. Get over it."
"Snap out. You've got a great life ahead of you. Live it."
I have been shamed for being upset. I have been judged for wanting to hide. My anguish has been brushed aside in favour of shopping expeditions, party plans. And I've been logicked to prove that I must not feel anything.
I am so angry.
Last week I spoke to Xion after several months. And he told me he would always be grateful to my ex for pointing out that I cared about him. Am I supposed to applaud my ex for pointing out the obvious? Is he to be deified for 'not saying anything bad' about me? I didn't cheat on him. I did not gaslight him, abuse him. I did not curb his friendships, his art. I did not ask for dowry. How does his behaviour get compared with mine, when our provocations have been so different?
For my own sanity, I'm learning to walk away from the terrible relationship that I fell into and struggled and sank in. But I have not been able to get past the profound sense of betrayal I feel from people who were around me then and should have been my support. Why not? After all, I've been there for each of them. I've not thrown 'tough love' at them. I've not tried to jolly them out of their breakups, their familial problems, their health issues, just because it's inconvenient to me. I've listened, been as gentle as possible. Why do I not deserve the same?
And what is this 'Strong Woman' business? My ex threw it at me all the time as a way to shrug off any responsibility towards treating me nicely, being on my side in front of the world or even doing his share. This tells me that the people I thought were my friends, are not different. It's not convenient to them, to have me down and out.
Four months after my ex threw me out, without warning, without even the courtesy of an explanation, I was on my feet. I had a job. I went and made new friends, found new interests. I didn't go to pieces or burst into tears at the drop of a hat. A year later, the pain started to ooze out as I watched my ex exploit what he put me through, into a glorification exercise for himself. I crumbled and tried in vain to patch the leaks, with Landmark Forum, with new friendships, with Tinder, anything. And still, my friends said,
"This is so undignified. Get over it."
I buried myself in work, created a new dream and made it happen. I made new friends, developed new interests. And again the pain crept out, staining my writing, my interactions. And again,
"You are so negative. Look at him, he doesn't even care. Why are you wasting your time?"
Last year, my insides just collapsed and all that was left was a hollow darkness. I lost my way, lost myself, just lost track of what light looked like. Reema and Adi stood by me, wading into the muck of my emotional gutters and carrying me out when they could.
I ran into my ex unexpectedly last month. It was strange. I didn't feel a thing. The person in my memories, the monster who ravaged my universe, has nothing to do with the person who walks around by the same name. It was heartening. My ticket out. Validation of the thought I've clung to since 2012 that I would not, will not let this horrible experience become my identity. I refuse to settle into the label of the jilted woman, the abuse survivor, the damaged abla nari.
So it was a shock when I found myself reduced to tears today, watching an old, not-even-that-good movie. Reema lit a candle inside my crying. She told me it was okay to feel pain. She told me that this wasn't about wanting to get back with a bad ex; it was about processing grief. And she said, that takes its own time.
We are in a culture that only allows for grief processing in certain circumstances and for specific situations. If I had been married and my spouse had died, I would have been allowed to grieve for years. If I had let myself descend into fits of crying, into broken fear, I would have been petted and cared for. But because I refused to let this defeat me, because I took it head-on, the people around me decided that my pain was not worthy of their compassion. Adi says most people find other people's pain inconvenient and that makes them behave like douches.
Well. I've spent the day crying, then speaking to Reema, then putting my cupboard in order, speaking to Adi, doing my chores, doing my work, speaking to Reema, eating an icecream, speaking to Adi. I am still walking, still writing. A little compassion did not hurt either of them to give but it took me a long way.
I suddenly feel no guilt, no doubt anymore about letting go of pretty much everyone from my past. My pre-2012 world let me down, very badly. I deserve better – people who can stand through my pain as well as my joyful affections. And people who do not punish me for breaking down suddenly.
Pain, it demands to be felt. And there really is no sane way to grieve. I'm just glad it's finally happening. There will be a morning after that and perhaps that one will have more kindness.
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If you liked this post, you'll want to follow the Facebook Page. I'm Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I'm on Twitter and Instagram.
Posted in Confessional, Ex-factor, Friendship, Relationships, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: A-List, Being jilted, Broken engagement, Left at the altar, Mr.Everyday, SATC, Sex and the City, Tough love
The Curious Case Of The Newly Divorced Man
A few years ago, I wrote about navigating the boundaries of a friendship with a married man. My first guest contributor, The Single Married Man shared a firsthand account of the confusion of being in transition from 'married' to 'divorced'.
I am finding divorce in every by lane of my social circle these days. Over the years, I've bemoaned relationship breakdowns with girlfriends and together we have learnt to deal with it. For some reason, when I was in my 20s, we tended to seek solace from others of our own sex. But these days I find myself in more conversations with men about their failing/failed marriages.
Perhaps it's because the boundaries between the sexes are blurring. Maybe it's because marriage is a complex universe involving families, landlords and the law so one can't afford to be picky about where one finds one's support. Or maybe like I once predicted would happen, the men of my generation are just finding it harder to cope with the realities than women.
Image via Unsplash/Thomas Lefebvre
They are all men in transition. They have been independent and intelligent, they've believed in gender equality and love and commitment. Now with their worlds tattered, they're rebuilding how they see the world, life, the opposite sex and themselves. I can see them struggling to fit me into relationship models familiar to them.
One of them propositioned me. I deflected him gently so it wouldn't bruise his ego. "But you're the one who told me to get out and have some fun!" he said. I meant it would be good for him to loosen up and experience the lighter side of interactions with the opposite sex. That could include casual sex. But I didn't like his taking it for granted that I was offering myself up.
Married people, especially those who were not single for very long, often tend to take a superior stance on the single life. Marriage is a lot of work, they tell us. What they don't realise is that being single is a different kind of battlefield. It's not all days of How I Met Your Mother/Sex and The City style apartments, hitting the town each night and regular Tinder hookups. It's constant loneliness and never being sure, it's eating for one, knowing total strangers have the ability to hurt you and constantly evaluating how lonely you are versus how little your options appeal to you. Recently divorced people have a lot to learn, this is true. Welcome to the world of ONE.
One friend threw a tantrum last month because he felt like meeting me for dinner and I said I was busy. I had to be firm, patient but also subtle in conveying to him that I was not obligated to meet all his needs. It really hit me even more painfully then.
Many of these men, even the most independent, thoughtful ones, by virtue of our Great Indian Family Culture have never been allowed to deal with difficulty on their own. They have been mollycoddled from disappointment and insulated from Nos. They have no reference for what to do in a world that does not have time to meet their every demand. Their families are older and possibly less able to be their shields. Often, the families are showing their humanness in bringing in their own prejudices. What is this boychild in a man's body to do?
I am also noticing some of them lapsing into cynicism and active hatred of women. It's a scary thing to be around. Most women know that a man who doesn't get what he wants, is a dangerous man. At what point do I stop being supportive and decide to walk away? When does one decide that this person, this friend of so many years is more dangerous beast than friend?
Take socially sanctioned male entitlement, sprinkle in a vague flavour of independent thinking, throw in some outraged sense of betrayal and mix liberally with confused East/West value systems — that is the brain of today's recently divorced Indian male.
I do not intend to fall into the common trap of playing mommy to any one of them. Life and the system has extracted its own pound of flesh from me. But they are becoming different people because of their divorces and our relationships are changing too. I guess I'm afraid of what that could mean for them, for us and ultimately, for me.
Image via Unsplash/Daniel McInnes
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* If you liked this post, you'll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I'm Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I'm on Twitter and Instagram.
Posted in Battle of the sexes, Friendship, I'm An Indian Woman, Laws of Attraction, Men, men, men, Relationships, Seriously speaking, Survival Guide, Times, they are a-changing, Unholy Matrimony
Tags: Divorce, Divorced men, Friends with the opposite sex, Indian men, Needy men


If you are constructing a new home or revamping the old kitchen, your choice for the sink becomes endless. You need to, however, choose a single basin sink. There are so many reasons why one need to select this option over all the other options that are available in the market. While it is tempting to pick other designs that may look cool and wonderful, you still need to choose this one.
Many people do not understand the benefits that come when they install it. If you are one who is not sure of the benefits, here are few reasons why you need to select it.
It is Big Enough: Most of the single basin sinks that you find in the market are spacious enough. You can put them not just large pots but also pans, utensils and sheet pans with ease. You need to, however, choose a design that will aptly fit your kitchen. Some sinks come in smaller sizes as well.
If your family uses a lot of dishes, it is good for you to check for a bigger sink. You will love its simplicity and the way it can significantly enhance the aesthetics of your kitchen. It is interesting that many people who earlier had a double basin sink are slowly switching back to this one.
Occupies Less Space: If you do not have enough space, you can choose this option. It is because it does not need too much space as other sinks take. It requires less space and will look the best in a smaller kitchen. If you have space constraints, without a second thought, you should select this option.
By installing this sink, you will not only solve the space-related problem but enhance or elevate the beauty of the kitchen.
Is Less Expensive: If you are doing the kitchen remodeling project with a stipulated project, you need to choose this particular sink. It is not that expensive, and you can find many different models from wherein you can pick one that will best suit your requirement. Besides being cheap, it looks beautiful and welcoming.
Easy to Maintain: If you want to eradicate the unnecessary headache of maintaining a double basin sink, you may switch to this option. By replacing it with the single basin sink, you will not worry much about the maintenance. Replacing the faucet becomes much more comfortable than you can imagine. Cleaning the basin will take less time as a result of having only one single bowl.
Available in Numerous Materials: Interestingly, you can find this kind of sink in various materials. You should, however, choose one that will best match or suit your taste and requirement. You can find sinks that they make out of fireclay, stainless steel as well as solid surfacing acrylic to name a few. You need to assess the pros and cons before picking a material carefully. You should not choose a material randomly without doing proper research.
These are the main reasons why you need to choose a Single Basin Sink.


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You are at:Home»Latest News»'IT WILL LIVE WITH ME FOREVER,' KYOGO IN PARADISE
'IT WILL LIVE WITH ME FOREVER,' KYOGO IN PARADISE
INSTANT hit Kyogo Furuhashi already feels quite at home after his 67-minute three-goal performance in the 6-0 rout of Dundee at the weekend.
The Japanese new Bhoy, a £4.6million arrival from the J-League, admitted his debut in the east end of Glasgow "will live with me forever".
Kyogo, 26, fired in a scintillating hat-trick and could have doubled his tally with a little bit more luck and precision.
No-one in the 24,500 crowd was complaining, though, as the livewire frontman tormented and terrorised the visiting defenders until he was replaced by Odsonne Edouard.
HIGHS AND LOWS…Kyogo Furuhashi had a highly-charged afternoon at Parkhead at the weekend. ABOVE: The new Bhoy leaves the field after completing his hat-trick. BELOW: The Japanese striker is flat on his back after skying a chance high and wide.
It's been a perfect launch pad for the player's Hoops career after he netted on his first start for the club in the 4-2 triumph over Jablonec in the Europa League first leg qualifier in the Czech Republic last week.
Kyogo, speaking to the club website, said: "I had a really brilliant day and was a real joy to play my first match at Celtic Park in front of our fans. It was my first real experience of our great stadium and it will live with me forever.
"Football is about supporters and about us as players trying to make our fans happy. It is why we play the game and we all enjoyed doing that.
"I would like to thank the fans for supporting me and the rest of the boys so well. Even though the stadium was not quite full yet, there was a phenomenal atmosphere and we could tell that our fans were happy to be back supporting the club.
"I can see why people say it is one of the best stadiums in the world and one of the best atmospheres in football and I can't wait to feel it again when all our fans are back and the stadium is full."
JOY BHOYS…Liel Abada congratulates Kyogo Furuhashi after his third goal against Dundee.
Kyogo added: "It was really for nice for me to score three goals, but, more importantly, it was great for the whole team to get such a great result and have such a good performance in our first home match in front of the fans.
"We scored some really good team goals, too, and we worked well together and played the kind of football I love.
"It seems as if everything has happened so quickly in the past few weeks, but it was just such a good feeling to be out there at Celtic Park. It is an amazing arena to play football in and it was great fun for me.
"We have had two good results in the last two matches and now we are going to work hard every day to get better and better.
"It is really early in the season and we have a lot to work on, but we will do all we can to build on these performances.
"We're really looking forward to Thursday's match and hope we can get another positive result."
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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


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Marcelo Samuel Berman (born Buenos Aires, Argentina, 10 April 1945) is an Argentine/Brazilian (double citizenship) theoretical physicist, specializing in relativistic cosmology, and a journalist. He is the publisher of books dealing with science, philosophy of science and learning techniques.

After finishing his engineering degree in electronics, Berman took graduate courses in theoretical physics at ITA, and received a Master of Science in Physics in 1981 from the Technological Institute of Aeronautics, under the direction of Fernando de Mello Gomide, followed by a Doctor of Science in Physics from the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro in 1988, under the direction of Murari Mohan Som,

He subsequently had post-doctoral studies at Department of Astronomy, University of Florida (1989–90) and part-time adjunct, or visiting positions at Department of Exact Sciences, FURJ (UNIVILLE), in Joinville, SC, Brazil, the University of Alabama, Tuscaloosa,  and Group of Cosmology and Gravitation, Division of Astrophysics, National Institute for Space Research (INPE), São José dos Campos, SP, Brazil.

His field of interest is the General Gravitational Theories and Relativistic Cosmology; he has written about one hundred papers in refereed journals and ten books.

From 1996 to 2000 he was Professor, Department of Physics, ITA (Technological Institute of Aeronautics), São José dos Campos. He then was Scientific Counselor, Tecpar (Technological Institute of Paraná). Curitiba, PR -Brazil from (2000-2002) and since 2006, the Scientific Director, Instituto Albert Einstein/Latinamerica, (Curitiba and Mafra).

References

Argentine emigrants to Brazil
Argentine physicists
Brazilian physicists
Jewish Argentine writers
Jewish Brazilian writers
People from Curitiba
Writers from Buenos Aires
Living people
1945 births

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


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Andrew William Cadima (born October 8, 1984) is an American composer.

Biography
Cadima is currently residing in the San Francisco Bay Area. He has written for a wide variety of instruments and ensembles ranging from solo harp to large orchestra and for events and venues ranging from rock concerts to symphony halls.

Cadima began his studies in composition in Austin, Texas, with Joe Harchanko at the University of Texas at Austin. Subsequently, he received B.M. and M.M. degrees in composition from the San Francisco Conservatory of Music, studying under Dan Becker and David Garner. During his studies at the San Francisco Conservatory, Cadima was the recipient of the Agnes Albert Scholarship. He has also studied abroad and performed on the piano, guitar, and violin in cities including Vienna, Paris, and Valencia, Spain.

Cadima's music has been performed both locally and internationally by many soloists and ensembles including members of the San Francisco Symphony and Philadelphia Orchestra, The Curtis Institute of Music Chamber Orchestra, the San Francisco Conservatory of Music Orchestra, the SFCM New Music Ensemble (Nicole Paiement, director), the SFCM Chorus, the Huntington Guitar Ensemble, the Allendale String Quartet, and award-winning trombonist Achilles Liarmakopoulos, among many others.

His music has also been featured at many institutions including the Yale School of Music, the Curtis Institute of Music, the Aspen Music Festival, Colorado State University.

Notable works
Dream for trombone solo, string orchestra, and harp, commissioned by trombone virtuoso Achilles liarmakopoulos, was given its east coast premiere in May 2008 by the Curtis Institute of Music. Dream was previously premiered on the west coast in 2007 by the AC/SF Chamber Orchestra under Jacques Dejardins.
Miserere for mixed (SATB) chorus was given its premiere by the SFCM Chorus at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music Choral Composition Competition in May 2008 where it was a prize winner.
Distance for solo trombone and trombone choir - commissioned by trombonist of the Canadian Brass, Achilles Liarmakopoulos The premiere took place at the University of Oklahoma with the University of Oklahoma Trombone Choir under the direction of Irvin Wagner. The piece was recorded in 2019 and was released in 2020.

Affiliations
Andrew Cadima is a member of ASCAP, the American Composer's Forum, and the American Music Center.

References

1984 births
American male classical composers
American classical composers
21st-century classical composers
Living people
Musicians from Raleigh, North Carolina
Musicians from the San Francisco Bay Area
21st-century American composers
Classical musicians from California
21st-century American male musicians


Integrated Project Delivery (IPD) is a collaborative alliance of people, systems, business structures and practices into a process that harnesses the talents and insights of all participants. Its aim is to optimize project results, increase value to the owner, reduce waste and maximize efficiency through all phases of design, fabrication, and construction. The most popular method of IPD is Design-Build, one of the most significant trends in design and construction in the U.S. today.
The Design-Build Team works under a single contract with the project owner to provide design and construction services: one entity, one contract, one unified flow of work from initial concept through completion. It consists of many players, including the General Contractor, Architect, Engineering Consultants, and a variety of sub contractors. Collectively, the team has the knowledge and expertise to complete a project from start to finish and each team member is equally important in the outcome of the project.
The role of the specialty sub-consultant is no different. For example, the Fire Protection Engineer (FPE) is a critical member of the Design-Build Team, and provides comprehensive input and guidance on all aspects of fire and life safety for the project. This includes, but is not limited to, building code analysis, water supply, smoke control, fire department access, exiting, and an analysis of the active and passive fire protection systems.
From an FPE's perspective, the design-build process can be broken down into four separate and distinct phases: the teaming phase, the pre-proposal phase, post-award phase, and the construction phase.
The client should understand the value of the FPE in the teaming phase and that communicating with the key individuals responsible for selecting the team is a priority. Generally, the people responsible for selecting team members are the general contractor's project manager, project estimator or the project architect. They may or may not be familiar with the value that the FPE provides so it is important to reaffirm the FPE's role. Other disciplines can contribute to fire protection and life safety, but none of them take the total fire protection and life safety perspective that an FPE does.There may be a number of teams pursuing any Design-Build project, and establishing which teams to team with, and understanding the level of effort that is expected, is critical. For example, the project could be an open bid available for many teams to compete, or it could be a Multiple Award Construction Contract where a specific set of teams is shortlisted. The FPE must consider his/her time commitment, as a short-listed project is more competitive and will take more of the FPE's time than the open bid type of project.
Depending on the size of the project, the general contractor may request an exclusivity agreement that binds the FPE or the FPE's company to that specific project team. One way to address this is to provide exclusive FPE support for the project as an individual representing your company rather than making the entire company exclusive. This allows for multiple FPE's within the same company to provide FPE consulting to multiple teams, if necessary. However, in order for this strategy to work, the project specific information for each team cannot be shared. Each project team will have a specific design that is proprietary and it is essential that the Design-Build Team trusts that project strategies and specifics will not be given away to their competition.
In the pre-proposal phase, the Design-Build Team has been established, and will collectively provide qualifications for a competitive bid or design to the building owner or agency for design and construction. The FPE can support the general contractor by providing critical input to the Request For Proposal (RFP) analysis and to Request For Information (RFI) development, as well as an analysis of site layout, construction type, water supply, and knowledge of specific engineering criteria.
The RFP contains all of the project specific information that the team needs to put together a package for design and construction. The FPE must thoroughly understand the fire protection requirements for that project and convey that information to the Design-Build Team. Fire protection engineering is a discipline that spans many other disciplines; so cross-coordination among the various trades is critical. Since the RFP is not always clear in design intent, an RFI to the building owner or agency may be necessary. The FPE can generate questions to help clarify areas within the fire protection requirements, and may also offer design alternatives or value engineering to realize cost savings.
It is then up to the FPE to analyze the Design-Build package for compliance with specific engineering criteria, Building Codes, and National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) standards. The FPE can provide solutions that meet the code criteria yet also allow the team to fulfill its design vision. The FPE should analyze all disciplines for compliance with these requirements and cross-coordinate with the other trades. For example, the FPE can help provide solutions to construction type, height and area issues for a given occupancy type, and help coordinate fire resistive construction requirements with the team. The FPE can analyze the water supply for the site and determine if there is a requirement for fire pumps based on the flow test information provided in the RFP. If the project has engineering criteria that are specific to its Jurisdiction the FPE can help the team to understand those requirements and apply them to the project.
This has been an excerpt of the March 2012 edition of our ProNetwork News Newsletters. To read more (including details on the Post-Award Phase, Construction Phase, and The FPE's Role) download the full PDF version from our website.
About the Author: Scott Twele is a senior consultant at the San Diego office of Rolf Jensen & Associates, Inc. (RJA). Mr. Twele's experience comes from six years as a fire protection engineer for Naval Facilities Engineering Command and four years with RJA. His project experience includes fire and life safety consulting using federal Unified Facilities Criteria (UFC); specifically, conducting building code and egress analyses and the design reviews of the active and passive fire and life safety systems. This also includes the inspection of the fire alarm/mass notification, fire sprinkler, fire suppression (AFFF, HEF and clean agent), fire pump, and standpipe systems.
While with RJA, Mr. Twele has worked on a variety of projects, including aircraft hangars, bachelors enlisted quarters (BEQ), mixed-use occupancies, child development centers, vehicle maintenance buildings, armories, office buildings, storage facilities and one and two-unit family dwellings.


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Cirrhaea – rodzaj roślin z rodziny storczykowatych (Orchidaceae). Obejmuje 7 endemicznych gatunków występujących w regionach na wschodnim wybrzeżu Brazylii.

Systematyka
Rodzaj sklasyfikowany do podplemienia Stanhopeinae w plemieniu Cymbidieae, podrodzina epidendronowe (Epidendroideae), rodzina storczykowate (Orchidaceae), rząd szparagowce (Asparagales) w obrębie roślin jednoliściennych.
 Wykaz gatunków
 Cirrhaea dependens (G.Lodd.) G.Don
 Cirrhaea fuscolutea Lindl.
 Cirrhaea longiracemosa Hoehne
 Cirrhaea nasuta Brade
 Cirrhaea obtusata Lindl.
 Cirrhaea seidelii Pabst
 Cirrhaea silvana V.P.Castro & Campacci

Przypisy

Epidendronowe


Parallel with these research priorities is a significant technological capability in Embedded Systems Design, which has potential application across all of Electrical & Electronic Engineering research priorities but which has demonstrated particular application in Biomedical, Biometrics & Bio-inspired Electronics and in Signal Processing & Communications.
MApplSc — Honours degree from a recognised university or third level college or a Pass degree with at least three years relevant experience.
ME — Bachelor of Engineering degree and have proven engineering or research experience in a position of considerable responsibility.


As we say goodbye to outgoing board members, Brian Yunt, Nicoletta Fasano, Dominic Braham and Mackenzie Woods, we also want to extend our deepest thanks for their dedication and commitment to making YNPN Phoenix the organization that it is today. In this post, they offer insight and advice to their peers on how to make the most of YNPN Phoenix and navigate the local nonprofit sector.
What Does it Take to get on Board?
A Message from the President: Make it Happen. Make it Matter.


Our competitive equities margin interest rates – as low as 3.50% – make it easy to put the full buying power of your account to work for you.
1. Margin interest rates vary in accordance with the base rate and the size of the debit balance. The base rate may be adjusted at TradeStation's discretion with reference to commercially recognized interest rates, current market trends, liquidity in the marketplace, and other industry conditions, and is subject to change without prior notice.
2. Day Trading requires that certain levels of equity be deposited and maintained in day-trading accounts, and that these levels be sufficient to support the risks associated with day-trading activities. Learn more here: http://www.finra.org/investors/day-trading-margin-requirements-know-rules.
Margin requirements are structured for a diversified portfolio. Accounts that are using margin for holding concentrated positions may be asked to make immediate changes.
Special Margin Requirements: Due to low liquidity, volatility or other conditions, some stocks and ETFs may have a special margin requirement. You can view a list of this symbols here: https://clientcenter.tradestation.com/support/myaccount/specialMargin/specialmargin.aspx.
A minimum of $2,000 is required to open and maintain a position on margin and a minimum of $2,000 is required to open and maintain a short stock position.
Please contact us for information pertaining to TradeStation Securities margin requirements and concentration parameters.
You can lose more funds than you deposit in your margin account.
Your brokerage firm can force the sale of securities in your account.
Your brokerage firm can sell your securities without contacting you.


Home » As to why Data Storage space became the true secret instruments in business nowadays?
As to why Data Storage space became the true secret instruments in business nowadays?
If you need to backup your computer data, one of the biggest strategies to do it's actually simply by utilizing a web-based offsite backup services. Your data for the on-line applications have to be placed somewhere in cyberspace. Data writes go to in the latest groupings. Such essential info that happen to be normally secured using leading data security services may well be employed by unapproved people to squander offences just like insider trading, yield rectifying and so forth When you shop your data, make sure you retail outlet approval forms to ensure that it's able to report that all your participants were properly consented. The data can be candy striped around disks primarily, and shown throughout the exact number of devices. Data (like databases) need to be stored to comply with regulations or contractual agreements linked to data storage area and to maintain your confidentiality, reliability and usage of the data. Copying valuable data and data files is an significant campaign for the purpose of each and every organization. The people who have was required to get the information in the form of paper files and shop it right now do not have to become bothered by simply these types of kinds of procedures. Meant for operating a business effectively, it's remarkably crucial that you coordinate data for your business in order that you may make use of it when you require. Data can be transformed from model towards the other within the database hardware, which makes it the best option with regards to systems which usually the info is referenced primarily based on the interrelation between them, a exceptional example of this is social media interactions. Whenever your data is usually your position, because it's in the event of a large number of businesses in the world currently, you will get very little choice except to pick out the coverage of that info mainly because seriously mainly because you might have a finished decrease in revenue income or your present customer base. Everybody certainly features personal info utilized designed for many needs, including making use of for work, completing documents in many actions, or perhaps only introducing themselves to a friend.
Data back-up could be the key reason concerning working with personal computers. Because each of our consumer, you're not going to will need to procure data back-up till you need the details. There are numerous of main reasons why data backup is amongst the just about all necessary elements of details storage. Acquiring the most suitable backup and data storage formula is extremely critical for any company. If you aren't looking at moving to cloud safe-keeping for the purpose of your organization, here will be a handful of things you should certainly think about just before producing the focus. Vehicle, you might experience also made a decision to find some comparatively bigger storage space intended for your requirements just before you possibly acquired a laptop computer. Off site info safe-keeping is among the most up-to-date kinds of storage space. Across the internet info storage space provides got extremely popular with organization firm. It may operate for virtually any size provider but designed for smaller businesses, it must end up being cost successful. Utilizing specific info storage offers a considerable benefits when allocating file and engine block usage of just about every digital equipment without impacting the operation in the safe-keeping array. In the event that electronic safe-keeping seems to be correct for you, routine to find companies is to carry out an internet search. Secondary data safe-keeping symbolizes almost all the various other types certainly not included in the main storage. Offsite data safe-keeping is a procedure for computer info backup involving the utilization of an else where destination seeing that a approach of locking down the important info in case of a disaster. It is built to provide usage of years of details scheduled with an organization. The value of information safe-keeping is no below the value of safeguarding the life style. It may be more and more visible with the development of the Net and digitalization trend. The significance info storage and backup really should not be underestimated for any small business. It truly is essential to have a sufficient amount of comprehension of the methods details transfer and their effectiveness in conveying info from you point to another. The service plan will not bill restrictions in bank account sizes, file sizes, or perhaps the volume of data which may be kept within a data pond. In a situation similar to this, online data storage companies are the absolute best alternative intended for virtually any kind of person or group. To begin with, you signup for a dependable promotion backup products. An else where backup services may come to be looked at as brief term insurance and a great important component to a data restoration strategy. Keep reading in order to discover more factors why you should think about an online internet marketer data safe-keeping backup solutions. You can easily choose from the many cloud storage companies that will be offered available to buy and so, who are capable of checking personal and little businesses. In truth, it is actually advised that you seek the services of the support of professionals who will definitely guaranty you from the security of your data, to lead clear of excess instances within a function that you are challenged with any sort of disaster.
Visit our website information regarding Cloud Data Storage right here expertstimes.solutiondots.com .


Reuters reports that a Russian foreign ministry spokesperson warned of "catastrophic" consequences if the Trump administration were to send military assistance to Guaido to aid his bid to oust the socialist president.
"We warn against such adventurism which is fraught with catastrophic consequences," the foreign ministry said.
A Kremlin spokesman weighed in as well, according to the news service, accusing President Trump Donald John TrumpRussia's election interference is a problem for the GOP Pence to pitch trade deal during trip to Michigan: report Iran oil minister: US made 'bad mistake' in ending sanctions waivers MORE and his team of trying to undermine Venezuela's legitimate government.
"We consider the attempt to usurp sovereign authority in Venezuela to contradict and violate the basis and principles of international law," Kremlin spokesman Dmitry Peskov reportedly said.
Trump and the U.S. formally recognized Guaido on Wednesday, shortly after the opposition leader declared himself to be the new temporary head of Venezuela's government. Other countries, including NATO ally Turkey, offered their support for Maduro's government.
"My brother Maduro! Stand tall, we stand by you!" wrote a spokesman for Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan, according to Reuters.
The European Union, meanwhile, has called for a peaceful transition to Guaido's rule in a statement.
"The people of Venezuela have massively called for democracy and the possibility to freely determine their own destiny. These voices cannot be ignored," the EU wrote in a statement.


Whether you are a competitive shooter, military personnel, or an avid hobbyist, these three attributes are the expectation when purchasing a firearm. High Caliber Firearms, LLC (HCF) has raised the bar to offer customers the opportunity to work with skilled craftsmen that will assure your firearm is tailored to your needs.
Precision is related to the dispersion, spread, or variability in the measurements - it is the quality or condition of being exact. Anyone who utilizes a firearm would expect that it has the ability to shoot an accurate shot: when one one-thousandth of an inch makes a difference, precise engineering is paramount. With a certified gunsmith on staff and a robust quality control process in place, we ensure that each piece of equipment that leaves our shop is to the exact specifications that optimize performance.
Quality is the standard by which products or services are measured against all other things of a similar kind. The degree of quality we deliver in our products and services is higher than found at other traditional firearm retailers. We can do this because we are not pursuing high volume sales, but rather the individual with discerning taste. Everything we do is customized and focuses first on the desire or needs of the customer. Quality is a long-term concept, one that we keep striving to improve upon. "Acceptable" is never good enough because the level we're trying to reach is "the best that can possibly be."
Excellence represents the state of being outstanding or surpassing ordinary standards at doing something. HCF takes this a step further, measuring our level of Excellence not only by what we deliver, but how well we connect with our customers in that process. Our intent is to form long-term relationships, rather than serve the masses. It is essential that our customers feel they have had a unique and personalized experience each and every time they work with HCF. This experience begins as we share our expertise to help guide our clients in making the best choice for them, whether it is related to designing a new firearm, customizing an existing piece or providing specialty gunsmith servicing. For HCF, service excellence is an attitude engrained in every thing we do for a customer.


So I wrapped up reading Matthew today! First time I can remember starting a book of the Bible and finishing it… but prior to that, I had a nosebleed.
I was using a napkin from Chipotle (always plenty of those laying around) and I guess I rubbed too hard, causing a crimson flood to flow from my right nostril. Luckily, my dad was here to give advice, because I may very well have bled to death; this was probably my 3rd or 4th nosebleed in life. He told me to pinch my bridge, not to tilt my nose back and got me a bag of ice and a clean oil rag to catch the bleeding, rather than that easily-soiled Chipotle napkin.
After the bleeding stopped, I saw the trail of blood from the hallway through the kitchen to the sink. Dad grabbed a mop and some sanitizing spray and mopped it up before it sat for too long. As I tried to use the nozzle in the sink to spray the blood out of it, it hit me.
Blood doesn't take too long to stick to whatever surface it's on and stain it. Like now, I just looked down at my white "Our Son Is God" shirt and saw what certainly will be a difficult stain to blot out. On the heels of my completion of Matthew, I immediately thought about the blood of Jesus, how I had prayed yesterday during communion to be covered by this blood.
The idea that this blood stains me… sticks to me and never leaves me… and most importantly, never loses its power… rocked me. No matter what I'm doing, what I'm going through or how I'm feeling, His blood is covering me. And I don't have to worry about blotting it out, because it is blotting out my sin, allowing me a chance to have sweet salvation and a relationship with the Father.
What a revelation. What a great boost to start the week with and to end the month with. May we never lose sight of the beautiful blood that stains us all over and gives us life everlasting.


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Q: Adding an existing project to a separate existing solution and include in Visual SVN? I'm not sure if what I'm trying to do is flawed or whether I'm missing a vital step in Visual SVN somewhere but I'm getting bogged down with this and would appreciate some help!
Say I have two existing solutions in my subversion repository: Sol1 & Sol2.
Both Sol1 & Sol2 currently contain a webProject, a dataProject and a servicesProject.  These projects are unique to each solution and contain entirely separate code.
Now let's say that Sol2 also has a modelsProject which contains model classes for interaction with a 3rd party database we use.  I am now modifying Sol1 and it also requires access to that 3rd party database.
Fairly obviously (to me at least!) I don't want to create a completely separate copy/version of the modelsProject to use in Sol1, I simply want to use/reference the existing modelsProject as exists in Sol2 because it will be exactly the same code in either solution.  However when I try and "add existing project" to Sol1 in Visual Studio, it (quite correctly, of course) tells me that it won't be adding the modelsProject to the Visual svn for Sol1 as it is "outside the working copy root".
Am I missing a fundamental logic problem here? In this kind of scenario where the modelsProject exists in its own right and just happens to be contained within "Sol2" at the moment an incorrect solution and I should instead have "modelsProject" as a standalone visual svn solution which creates a dll and then reference that dll from both Sol1 & Sol2?
Thinking about it I can see that svn would have an issue tracking changes if they were being made from either Sol1 OR Sol2 on the "same" set of code (in modelsProject) so maybe the standalone "modelsProject" as a dll referenced in Sol1 & Sol2 is the logically correct way forward...?

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


text:
Spider-Man Joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe - Update
Thread starter StewShearerOld
StewShearerOld
Geekdad News Writer
Spider-Man will join the MCU in an upcoming movie followed by a new stand-alone film scheduled to release in July 2017.
Update: The Wall Street Journal (via ComingSoon) has reported that the Marvel Cinematic Universe's version of Spider-Man will debut in Captain America: Civil War. Sony Picture's planned Sinister Six film is also being delayed so the studio can rethink it and Andrew Garfield has been confirmed as being finished with the role.
Original Story: It's happening. It's really happening.
After rumors, speculation and about a bajillion "wish upon a star" moments from comic fans, Sony Pictures Entertainment and Marvel Studios announced late yesterday evening that Spider-Man will be officially joining the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
According to the terms of a deal described at the official Marvel website, Spider-Man will appear in a future Marvel film tied to the ongoing continuity of the MCU. After that, Sony Pictures will collaborate with Marvel's Kevin Feige and Amy Pascal to produce a new stand-alone film starring the character. Sony will "continue to finance, distribute, own and have final creative control of the Spider-Man films."
Speaking about the new deal Disney CEO Bob Iger stated that Disney and Marvel are "thrilled" by the prospect of bringing everyone's favorite webslinger into the MCU. "Spider-Man is one of Marvel's great characters, beloved around the world," said Iger. "We're thrilled to work with Sony Pictures to bring the iconic web-slinger into the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which opens up fantastic new opportunities for storytelling and franchise building." Sony Pictures president Doug Belgrad would go on to describe the collaboration as "the perfect way to take Peter Parker's story into the future."
The new stand-alone Spider-Man will hit theaters on July 28th, 2017. Notably, no actors were named in the announcement, including the current man behind the mask Andrew Garfield. While we'll have to wait for the companies to explicitly say he's being removed from the series, his absence from Marvel's posting would definitely seem to give credence to rumors that in Captain America: Civil War, another tidbit that came out during last year's Sony hack.
Source: Marvel
Tireseas_v1legacy
Plop plop plop
$10 says the first line when Spiderman bumps into the Avengers is "who the hell is this kid?"
marioandsonic
Well, it sounded like this was going to happen, based on various rumors over the last few weeks.
MovieBob is going to have a field day with this one.
AbsoluteVirtue18
It's about time. I hope they keep Garfield on, and tie the other Amazing Spider-Man films events in.
ShirowShirow
Hmmm. On one hand I'm happy, because Spider-Man is great and deserves... Y'now... GOOD movies.
On the other hand, I was kiiiind of hoping that Disney's lack of Spider-Man would force them to be a bit creative to find a stand-in. Sort of like how the Inhumans are getting a push because they can't use the X-Men.
Spider-Woman could be flubbed to have the powerset, the new Mrs. Marvel could be the "Popular and conflicted young hero" replacement for the Civil War storyline... If they wanted to throw in a younger hero for their own movie, there are plenty of choices.
But yeah. Now they'll just use Spider-Man for all those. Not a bad choice because Spider-Man is awesome, but now everything's going to be the slightest bit more predictable.
ZeroAxis
I personally would have preferred The X-Men over Spiderman, but the implications of bringing them over would probably collapse the MCU. ( Then again X-Men just reset their timeline so why not an extended Infinity War)
Dominic Crossman
Im about to start work and no one gives a shit apart from me. No comic book fans here
ZeroAxis said:
I always held the assumed to be controversial opinion that the X-men should remain seperate from the rest of the marvel universe in all its forms. The "Powered people as stand ins for marginalized groups" metaphor works better when there aren't a whole ton of other powered people running around...
Drago-Morph
ShirowShirow said:
Actually, I think it works much better that way. If it's just the X-Men, then it's not a great metaphor, since realistically, having people who can blow up cities on a whim is legitimately a cause for concern and fear. On the other hand, if you've got a bunch of people like that running around, except some of them are hailed as heroes and others hailed as horrible freaks, then it works to highlight the inanity and arbitrary nature of racism and other types of discrimination.
rcs619
This is actually really good news.
Personally, I think they just need to break from the older Spider Man movies as much as possible. Just, kind of make this Spider Man his own thing. Maybe use the new guy from the comics? Miles Morales or something? He'd definitely be a big change from Maguire or Garfield's Spidermen, and being totally honest, the Avengers could use a tiny bit of extra color mixed in there. They did already use the Ultimate version of Nick Fury to change his race around and allow Sam Jackson to play him.
I'm really excited to see what interesting things they can do with the Spider Man rogues gallery as well. Lots of fun villains in there to mix in to the movies, or even Agents of SHIELD and stuff. Now if only Marvel could swoop in and rescue the Fantastic Four so we can get some Doctor Doom mixed into this whole cinematic universe.
I just hope that the Ant Man movie(s) let them introduce Wasp, or Giant Girl, or whatever form of her is most convenient to bring in. I always kind of liked her, and I know in one of the Marvel comic series, she had really great chemistry with Spider Man. Lots of witty banter and teamwork.
I am still holding out hope that my dream-team of Giant Girl, Squirrel Girl and Black Widow can come together to just be, unbearably awesome.
2xDouble
In a word: yay!
There's still a bit of trepidation here. Sony Pictures hasn't handled the Spider-Man license particularly well post-Raimi, and Spider-Man's inclusion could very well bring down the "Cinematic Universe" overall.
On the other hand, this does set a lovely precedent for other Sony-owned Marvel characters, such as the Fantastic Four, and - if it does well enough - gives 20th Century Fox incentive to let the X-Men and mutants rejoin Marvel cannon as well.
For now, let's see how this goes; I hope the weight of greater continuity will temper the Spider-Man franchise so it's more in line with the other Marvel greats so far (without necessarily copying them, of course).
Bob_McMillan
WOOOOOO! I wonder who they're going to cast. I for one am totally fine if they choose Andrew Garfield again.
rcs619 said:
Heh, last I heard Wasp is killed in Ant-Man's story before it actually begins.
The girl who becomes Stature is in it though, albeit at the age of like five.
Basement Cat
Keeping the Peace is Relaxing
This pleases me.
Should this agreement fall through, however, I shall not be pleased.
P-89 Scorpion
2xDouble said:
Fox owns the Fantastic Four and X-men and the heads of Fox and Disney HATE each other that's why there has never been even a mention of a deal.
I like the ASM films and prefer them to a host of boring bad guy filled MCU films (IM3, Thor 2, GoTG,) and just not that good MCU films (Hulk, Thor).
But I swear if they treat Spiderman as a fucking sidekick in the MCU like Disney does in the Ultimate Spiderman cartoon (at least in the handful of episodes I could tolerate before I screamed "they replaced Spectacular Spiderman with this shit") I am through with the MCU forever.
Soviet Heavy
I wonder how much control Sony will still have over the character. For example, will the Spider Man that shows up in the Marvel Cinematic movies be played by the same guy as the one in the Sony films? Or will Disney get their own actor in the same way they did with Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch (not exactly the same thing but you know what I mean). Because I can see Disney using this opportunity to bury Sony Pictures' version of Spider-Man and presenting their "official" version of the character.
Xerosch
I really hope they keep Andrew Garfield. He fit the role infinitely better than Tobey Maguire.
unacomn
Guess that describes it best.


text:
Iraq Vet Gets Keys to Renovated Home
By Jeff Smith	• Published October 18, 2013 • Updated on October 18, 2013 at 4:33 pm
An American hero just received a warm welcome to his new home in Garland. City leaders handed over the keys to a renovated house to Iraq war veteran Alejandro Cruzrio and his family.
"I'm just so overwhelmed by this. So happy and overwhelmed," Cruzrio said. "There are many other words I can use I'm sure to describe it but I'm just overwhelmed."
Dozens of volunteers spent countless hours fixing up the home. The City of Garland teamed up with Green Extreme Homes Community Development Corporation, the nonprofit provides affordable housing for the nation's veterans.
Cruzrio is the first veteran to get a renovated house as part of Garland's GREAT Homes Program.
Garland also partnered with corporate sponsors like Home Depot and Citibank to renovate the house. The companies donated more than $40,000 to rehab the house, and Citibank helped with the mortgage and financing.
More than 50 volunteers with Citi's Military Veterans Network of Dallas-Fort Worth and the Home Depot Foundation worked to repair the heating, ventilation and air-conditioning systems, and install new flooring and landscaping.
Cruzrio said he's excited to be part of the Garland community, and is so appreciative of all the hard work of volunteers to turn this home around.
"I'm so thrilled to call Garland my home now," he said. "I know so many people worked this week to get everything ready. Even in the pouring rain this week, they were still outside working."
Cruzrio was wounded during his final tour of duty in Iraq before being honorably discharged earlier this year.


Difluoroethylamines as an amide isostere in inhibitors of cathepsin K.
The trifluoroethylamine group found in cathepsin K inhibitors like odanacatib can be replaced by a difluoroethylamine group. This change increased the basicity of the nitrogen which positively impacted the log D. This translated into an improved oral bioavailability in pre-clinical species. Difluoroethylamine compounds exhibit a similar potency against cathepsin K and selectivity profile against other cathepsins when compared to trifluoroethylamine analogs.


text:
Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function
Sergi Cuartero, Gregoire Stik, Ralph Stadhouders
Research output: Contribution to journal › Review article › Academic › peer-review
Immune cell development and activation demand the precise and coordinated control of transcriptional programmes. Three-dimensional (3D) organization of the genome has emerged as an important regulator of chromatin state, transcriptional activity and cell identity by facilitating or impeding long-range genomic interactions among regulatory elements and genes. Chromatin folding thus enables cell type-specific and stimulus-specific transcriptional responses to extracellular signals, which are essential for the control of immune cell fate, for inflammatory responses and for generating a diverse repertoire of antigen receptor specificities. Here, we review recent findings connecting 3D genome organization to the control of immune cell differentiation and function, and discuss how alterations in genome folding may lead to immune dysfunction and malignancy.
Three-dimensional (3D) genome organization has emerged as an important regulator of gene expression and genomic interaction. Here, the authors explain how 3D genome organization impacts immune cell development and function, and discuss how aberrant genome folding can contribute to immune-mediated disease and cancer.
Nature Reviews Immunology
E-pub ahead of print - 20 Sep 2022
S.C. is supported by a 'La Caixa' Junior Leader fellowship
(LCF/BQ/PI20/11760002), the Jérôme Lejeune Foundation
(JLF #1902) and the Spanish Ministry of Science and
Innovation (PID2020-117950RA-I00). G.S. is supported by
the 'Fundación Científica de la Asociación Española Contra el
Cáncer'. R.S. is supported by an Erasmus MC Fellowship, a
Dutch Lung Foundation Junior Investigator grant
(4.2.19.041JO), a Daniel den Hoed Foundation grant and an
NWO Vidi grant (09150172010068). The authors acknowledge support by the Spanish Ministry of Science and
Innovation, to the EMBL partnership, the Centro de
Excelencia Severo Ochoa, the Josep Carreras Foundation and
the CERCA Programme/Generalitat de Catalunya.
Dive into the research topics of 'Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function'. Together they form a unique fingerprint.
Immunocompetent Cell Medicine and Dentistry 100%
Genome Analysis Medicine and Dentistry 80%
Genome Organization Biochemistry, Genetics and Molecular Biology 80%
Cell Function Medicine and Dentistry 60%
Chromatin Medicine and Dentistry 40%
Cell Maturation Medicine and Dentistry 40%
Cell Fate Medicine and Dentistry 40%
Immune Disorder Immunology and Microbiology 40%
Cuartero, S., Stik, G., & Stadhouders, R. (2022). Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function. Nature Reviews Immunology. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41577-022-00774-5
Cuartero, Sergi ; Stik, Gregoire ; Stadhouders, Ralph. / Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function. In: Nature Reviews Immunology. 2022.
@article{db66d8e9ceb9482d85cfddef4eaf4fd6,
title = "Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function",
abstract = "Immune cell development and activation demand the precise and coordinated control of transcriptional programmes. Three-dimensional (3D) organization of the genome has emerged as an important regulator of chromatin state, transcriptional activity and cell identity by facilitating or impeding long-range genomic interactions among regulatory elements and genes. Chromatin folding thus enables cell type-specific and stimulus-specific transcriptional responses to extracellular signals, which are essential for the control of immune cell fate, for inflammatory responses and for generating a diverse repertoire of antigen receptor specificities. Here, we review recent findings connecting 3D genome organization to the control of immune cell differentiation and function, and discuss how alterations in genome folding may lead to immune dysfunction and malignancy.Three-dimensional (3D) genome organization has emerged as an important regulator of gene expression and genomic interaction. Here, the authors explain how 3D genome organization impacts immune cell development and function, and discuss how aberrant genome folding can contribute to immune-mediated disease and cancer.",
author = "Sergi Cuartero and Gregoire Stik and Ralph Stadhouders",
note = "Acknowledgements S.C. is supported by a {\textquoteleft}La Caixa{\textquoteright} Junior Leader fellowship (LCF/BQ/PI20/11760002), the J{\'e}r{\^o}me Lejeune Foundation (JLF #1902) and the Spanish Ministry of Science and Innovation (PID2020-117950RA-I00). G.S. is supported by the {\textquoteleft}Fundaci{\'o}n Cient{\'i}fica de la Asociaci{\'o}n Espa{\~n}ola Contra el C{\'a}ncer{\textquoteright}. R.S. is supported by an Erasmus MC Fellowship, a Dutch Lung Foundation Junior Investigator grant (4.2.19.041JO), a Daniel den Hoed Foundation grant and an NWO Vidi grant (09150172010068). The authors acknowledge support by the Spanish Ministry of Science and Innovation, to the EMBL partnership, the Centro de Excelencia Severo Ochoa, the Josep Carreras Foundation and the CERCA Programme/Generalitat de Catalunya.",
journal = "Nature Reviews Immunology",
Cuartero, S, Stik, G & Stadhouders, R 2022, 'Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function', Nature Reviews Immunology. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41577-022-00774-5
Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function. / Cuartero, Sergi; Stik, Gregoire; Stadhouders, Ralph.
In: Nature Reviews Immunology, 20.09.2022.
T1 - Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function
AU - Cuartero, Sergi
AU - Stik, Gregoire
AU - Stadhouders, Ralph
N1 - Acknowledgements S.C. is supported by a 'La Caixa' Junior Leader fellowship (LCF/BQ/PI20/11760002), the Jérôme Lejeune Foundation (JLF #1902) and the Spanish Ministry of Science and Innovation (PID2020-117950RA-I00). G.S. is supported by the 'Fundación Científica de la Asociación Española Contra el Cáncer'. R.S. is supported by an Erasmus MC Fellowship, a Dutch Lung Foundation Junior Investigator grant (4.2.19.041JO), a Daniel den Hoed Foundation grant and an NWO Vidi grant (09150172010068). The authors acknowledge support by the Spanish Ministry of Science and Innovation, to the EMBL partnership, the Centro de Excelencia Severo Ochoa, the Josep Carreras Foundation and the CERCA Programme/Generalitat de Catalunya.
N2 - Immune cell development and activation demand the precise and coordinated control of transcriptional programmes. Three-dimensional (3D) organization of the genome has emerged as an important regulator of chromatin state, transcriptional activity and cell identity by facilitating or impeding long-range genomic interactions among regulatory elements and genes. Chromatin folding thus enables cell type-specific and stimulus-specific transcriptional responses to extracellular signals, which are essential for the control of immune cell fate, for inflammatory responses and for generating a diverse repertoire of antigen receptor specificities. Here, we review recent findings connecting 3D genome organization to the control of immune cell differentiation and function, and discuss how alterations in genome folding may lead to immune dysfunction and malignancy.Three-dimensional (3D) genome organization has emerged as an important regulator of gene expression and genomic interaction. Here, the authors explain how 3D genome organization impacts immune cell development and function, and discuss how aberrant genome folding can contribute to immune-mediated disease and cancer.
AB - Immune cell development and activation demand the precise and coordinated control of transcriptional programmes. Three-dimensional (3D) organization of the genome has emerged as an important regulator of chromatin state, transcriptional activity and cell identity by facilitating or impeding long-range genomic interactions among regulatory elements and genes. Chromatin folding thus enables cell type-specific and stimulus-specific transcriptional responses to extracellular signals, which are essential for the control of immune cell fate, for inflammatory responses and for generating a diverse repertoire of antigen receptor specificities. Here, we review recent findings connecting 3D genome organization to the control of immune cell differentiation and function, and discuss how alterations in genome folding may lead to immune dysfunction and malignancy.Three-dimensional (3D) genome organization has emerged as an important regulator of gene expression and genomic interaction. Here, the authors explain how 3D genome organization impacts immune cell development and function, and discuss how aberrant genome folding can contribute to immune-mediated disease and cancer.
JO - Nature Reviews Immunology
JF - Nature Reviews Immunology
Cuartero S, Stik G, Stadhouders R. Three-dimensional genome organization in immune cell fate and function. Nature Reviews Immunology. 2022 Sep 20. Epub 2022 Sep 20. doi: 10.1038/s41577-022-00774-5


text:
The death of James Chasse: Punishing the police won't help us heal
By Scott Westerman, President of the Portland Police Association, printed in The Oregonian, October 13, 2009
The death of James Chasse is a tragedy, and the members of the Portland Police Association deeply regret this loss of life. James Chasse died because of a terrible series of events, not because of any malice in the actions or hearts of the police officers involved.
Like the Chasse family and its friends, these good and honorable public servants need and deserve our compassion, understanding and support. Unnecessary finger-pointing and unfair portrayals of police officers accomplishes nothing and only makes it more difficult to heal the community and make whatever changes are appropriate to Police Bureau policies and training to try to prevent a tragedy like this from happening again.
Consider the facts: Officer Chris Humphreys and Deputy Bret Burton approached Chasse when there was reasonable suspicion he was urinating in public. When Chasse fled, the officers and Sgt. Kyle Nice pursued him on foot and, following procedure, used force to take him to the ground and into custody when he resisted. This is what every officer is trained to do. When it was discovered that Chasse was in distress, those same officers performed CPR on him as they transported him to the hospital. Unjustly punishing an officer or sergeant for doing exactly what we have been trained to do in this circumstance won't undo what has happened.
The city auditor has now opened up a bidding process to conduct a formal review of the investigation. We welcome this review. There are some in the community who believe Police Chief Rosie Sizer is whitewashing this case. This type of formal review of the investigation will demonstrate that the investigation was thorough, complete and unbiased. Hopefully, it will also answer the questions of why we are still dealing with this case three years later. Most everyone believes this has dragged on far too long.
The urge to place blame is nearly unavoidable. And it's easy to try to blame police when the facts are obscured and with the realization that there is, in fact, no one to blame. But unfair blame, doesn't bring James Chasse back, doesn't comfort those who grieve his passing and doesn't lead to greater understanding and trust between police officers and the community.
We can learn from this tragedy only through thoughtful communication and hard work. If the community and police chief desire change, we should look first at the policies we are trained to adhere to, not the officers and sergeants who follow those policies. The Police Bureau has taken the first step, already changing policies, training and more clearly defining expectations for injured prisoners in an effort to prevent another tragedy.
Every day, 900 men and women of the Portland Police Bureau go to work to serve and protect the rest of us. Police work is tough, but it is work we love. Loss of life is always terrible, no matter the circumstances. But in the Chasse case, it is a terrible series of events — not the hearts and actions of the honorable men — that are to blame.
OUR COMMENT – Who the heck does he mean by "us" in the title of this editorial? The persons the author represents? Other police officers? So, "Punishing the police won't let the police heal?"
This is added insult to injury; the classic stage of serial violence called rationalization. How depressing.
| Tags: Bret Burton, Christopher Humphreys, James Chasse, Kyle Nice, Portland Police Association, Scott Westerman
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2 Reply to "The death of James Chasse: Punishing the police won't help us heal"
Alexander S. Lumiere says:
The first line of the well heeled fascist is always, "I didn't want to do it, but it was necessary.
This is the first I've heard that CPR was administered. Is this found in other reports? Did the cops radio this development? Has anyone determined when Mr. Chasse's ribs were broken? IIRC the ambulance personel in NW said that his condition at the scene was not consistent with the ME's finding of 26 broken ribs and such.


Trello CEO Michael Pryor says remote working can lead to isolation.
Working remotely is something people strive for, and love doing. Still, it's not without its pitfalls. Staying sane when you're solo can be difficult, and managing distractions is equally tough. But you're not alone in those struggles, and chances are you know it – or should.
Technology sits at the intersection of isolation and collaboration, too. It helps remote workers stay in touch better than ever, but also shows why offices may not be necessary for many companies. Part of the remote worker's tech stack might involve Trello, a workflow tracking tool recently acquired by Atlassian for $425 million.
Trello has become increasingly useful for development and engineering teams, where so much in-person collaboration involves a whiteboard for project management and brainstorming. It joins HipChat and Jira, Atlassian's respective communication and issue ticketing tools, as solutions for remote employees.
Speaking to Trello CEO Michael Pryor, it becomes clear that technology can do harm if you allow it to. He points out that, while tools like Trello and HipChat bridge gaps, they may leave users with an increased feeling of isolation. "Building a team culture can seem hard when team members aren't spending time together in the same place everyday," he tells Dice.
It's also important to create opportunities for dispersed teams to socialize remotely, like having a social committee in charge of remote-friendly activities like online trivia nights and coffee meetings. These activities help establish a sense of camaraderie and provide people the chance to get to know each other outside of work, even when spread hundreds of miles apart.
According to Dice's own Salary Survey, working remotely is an important benefit for a growing number of people. We also know what companies are looking for when they're hiring someone who won't be in an office daily.
Pryor has outlined some good ideas for both companies and employees to feel inclusive, included and positive about their relationship, but results matter. Whether you're a remote employee, or a manager of a team of remote employees, solid work remains the benchmark for success.