There is perhaps no time more important for a child than their time spent in education, the choice of schools in which to send your child can often seem like an intimidating task. The following information aims to help alleviate some of that stress by providing information that every parent should have when deciding on the type of education for their child.
There is a plethora of reasons that an international Malaysian school is the right decision for your child, an advantage of going international is the variety of curriculum on offer. International schools in Malaysia offer curriculum based on Australian, British, American or Canadian school systems. This can is offered from age 3 to graduation, allowing the child's entire education to be completed in the same fashion. Along with these different curriculum many of the international schools in Malaysia offer the International Baccalaureate option which is becoming a popular choice in Europe. The schooling offered at these international schools is widely excepted by universities around the world.
The predominant language used is English, although other languages are also taught. English language programs are also offered for non native English speakers. International schools offer a wide array of classes that may not be available at public schools, such as performing arts, music, literature and others.
The quality of teaching at these schools is kept to a high standard, with teachers being trained to deliver on curriculum promises. Many of the teachers employed are from other countries, providing a culturally diverse learning environment for children. This coupled with lower teacher to student ratio provides for an excellent opportunity for any child.
International schools in Malaysia are valued not just for their curriculum but also for there location, the country of Malaysia is full of attractions. The field trip and excursion opportunities are endless, the warm climate offers opportunities for numerous outdoor activities and learning experiences through hands on teaching from the seaside's to the rainforests to the highlands. Malaysia is a multi cultural country where students will be immersed in a variety of languages, cultures and traditions promoting the philosophy of building the global citizen. The Malaysian government takes an active role in ensuring quality of the educational system, making sure they are at a global standard. All these benefits coupled with a low cost of living make Malaysia a very attractive option for international schooling.
If considering enrolling your child in an international school there are options for parents who wish to reside in the country under the Malaysia My Second Home (MM2H) program. Along with this children will be able to study full time in the country without having to apply for a student visa.
The MM2H program comes with many benefits for parents wishing to be close to their children while they attend international schools. Under the program parents will have the ability to have 100% ownership of their business as well as the ability to work a maximum amount of 20 hours a week if over the age of 50. This program allows for parents to invest in not only businesses but stock markets and funds. Tax-free Car incentives are available and are also eligible for both housing and car loans.
Not only will students be gaining a valuable education by choosing an international school they will grow into a more independent and experienced person. International schools will help children grow into more well rounded individuals, they will develop increased self-confidence, belief, maturity and gain important perspective of different cultures. International schools stand by their mantra "ELC", Excellence, Loyalty and Commitment.
Finding a job can be a tough task in such a competitive market place, which makes it essential to have a world class education. International schools provide the opportunity to excel through a huge range of academic subjects and many extra curricular activities.
Malaysia currently has 90 international schools with a further 25 in production, all educating more than 38, 000 students. This can make the decision to choose a skill daunting and challenging, however it is a decision that should not be rushed or taken lightly.
A straightforward indication of a schools quality can be established through its ownership and history. When looking at ownership it is important to ascertain whether the school is a branch of a foreign school, which has been setup by academics living abroad, or the result of an acquisition of a franchise by a local. If it is owned locally parents must find out whether the operator is properly trained in the running of the schools system. It is very important for the local to run the school as effectively as the representatives of the original academy.
The schools license must also be observed along with whether or not the school has been licensed by international school bodies. This is important for when the child is applying to colleges in the future as they will want an accredited school.
Parents should take into account the schools exam success rate, this can be found in international papers which can be acquired through the school. This could not only indicate the teaching quality of the school but give some perspective into the syllabuses effectiveness. Most schools have a teacher to student ratio of 15-25, this can vary so it is important to find out this information before committing to a school. Along with this parents must find out what kind of teaching qualifications the school requires.
A benefit of an international school is some of the options available to students, many schools offer classes that are not available at public schools such as art, music, literature, languages and many others. It is important to know the needs to your child before selecting a curriculum, Australian, American, Canadian and the IB program focus more on Coursework while the IGCSE focuses mainly on exams.
Malaysian schools must be accredited and registered by the government, teachers must be approved and registered in order to work at international schools. It is the law that teachers must gain a permit to teach, this is a very tough process that ensures only quality teaches are approved. In some cases schools will even import teachers to make sure that the curriculum is taught effectively.
It is important for parents to make sure that the school they are selecting are well equipped, they should have a fully equipped library, computer room, auditorium, gymnasium, sports fields and pool. All of these facilities will aide in the development of your child along with helping in find new skills and activities. It is essential that schools have wireless internet capabilities, this will help in fostering knowledge for the digital age and can be used for in classroom learning.
If only the child will be attending the school parents must look into the boarding facilities. These boarding houses allow for easy access to the schools and are supervised by house masters who help in developing a sense of family among the students. Boarding houses are an important place to teach students independence, responsibility and discipline.
The location of a school should also be considered, most schools are placed in accessible areas however the proximity to residential areas and other infrastructure should be taken into account.
The affordability factor is a huge benefit of choosing schools in Malaysia, fees range from around RM20,000 to RM40,000 per year. This is very competitive compared to countries like Singapore, Thailand, and Australia.
Choosing a new school for your child is an extremely difficult task but undertaking the necessary research and taking the time to observe these various institutions is vital in choosing a great school.
To setup a private school one must submit an application to the Division of Private Education of the Ministry of Education. The establishment must abide by the Education act 1996m Regulations of Education and Related circular issues.
The following steps bust ne undertaken: detail the institution, details of applicants, details of management and administration, details of the institution curriculum/courses/training programs and Details of the physical structure of the institution.
After the submission of this documentation the applicant will be required to do a presentation to Jawatankuasa Penubuhan.
Congratulations on the little wonder you're holding in your arms or is growing inside of you. As any concerned mommy, you're probably wondering what is the best way to get your little ones noggin a good jump start. Well their education can actually start when they're still in the womb. At around 18 to 19 weeks they can hear you, so practice your singing, read your favorite story to them. We've all heard that playing classical music to you baby while it's still in the womb can be very beneficial to their brain development, but don't be afraid to play your favorite song to your little one as well. It's never too early to teach them good taste in music.
While you can only do so much while they're still inside of the womb, The real fun can begin once your little bundle of joy has decided to come out and join the rest of the world.
• Sing. even if you're out of tune, they love your voice.
• Let them try to roll over. As cute as they are holding your baby constantly can keep them from trying to learn how to move on their own. They need to try to tone they're little muscles so they can learn how to scooch.
• Go to the pool. Holding your baby while in the shallow end of the pool can help them develop their leg muscles. Studies shown that when infants were back in the water they would mimic walking, but while outside of the water they seemed to have forgotten.
• Talk in funny voices and pitches. Speak slowly so they can see how your mouth works and they can try to mimic it. Be sure to make funny sounds as well, just because it's hilarious.
Ah! Now they won't sit still!
• Let them touch everything! Well almost everything, buy a kids book that has different fabrics and textures in it. They're learning that not everything is the same.
• Talk to them as if they understand you. Talk to them in a normal voice every so often, keep it up because they're learning how to communicate through others from you.
• Establish a bed time routine. Bath, bed time story. It well help you later down the road.
• Baby exercising. Critter is too little to go to the gym, and you're probably wondering when you can get your pre-baby body back. Hold your baby and do some squats, don't forget the rocket noises!
As they get older little ones are looking more and more to you on how to interact with the world.
• Teach them how to share by handing back the things they hand you.
• When they fall be sure to not act like the world has ended and with a smile encourage them to get back up. This can build confidence.
• Let them make some choices. Don't ask opened ended questions but give them a choice of " macaroni or spaghetti" this can help them become more confident in answering questions once they start school.
Once they are old enough to head out on their own (going to school) Begin to designate a homework time, even if they don't have homework have them do a fun work sheet or take time to color. They will learn to set aside time later in life for work or school and be less likely to say they don't have homework when really they do. Early childhood education in Malaysia is important and can start a lot sooner than most think.
Hopefully these tips can help you in connecting with your child and prepare them to interact with the world around them and to learn from it.
The Legal Profession-A noble profession indeed. Little wonder why so many people are interested in pursuing it.
For one thing, law is intriguing; it never fails to amaze, and it is never dull or boring, because there's always new things to learn in the Legal System; laws are constantly changing, and one has to be able to keep up with such rapidly-changing concepts.
Wanting to study law is one thing, actually studying is another. As any accomplished legal professional will tell you, it can be a rewarding task, but it is not easy. But then again, shouldn't we expect something as unique as the above subject to be so simple. If it were, you might not appreciate it as much.
But how does one go about studying about law, and what can they expect? Well, they can expect that it will be challenging; it will be mind-boggling at first, learning new legal terms, some which are in Latin, which can be even more of a challenging, as well as learning about the different types of law, such as family law, business law, criminal law, real estate law and so forth.
If you happen to live in Malaysia, there's a vista of educational opportunities waiting for you, and the legal profession may well be one of them. In fact, you can attend a law college in Malaysia, which can help you to pursue your most prestigious career.
With a law college in Malaysia, you have the same opportunities to master the legal profession as you would anywhere else in the world. You will, like in any other college, learn the fundamentals or basics of law, as well as the previous-mentioned examples of some of the kinds of laws you might learn.
But there's a bit of advice on law studies: don't expect to think you will learn everything in one semester or even two. Law is a very complex subject, so no matter how long you attend college, you will never come to end of learning about law. Law is an endless process that can literally last a lifetime, that's why a legal firm is generally referred to as a practice. Because even when you become a bona fide lawyer or attorney, you will never stop learning.
Another thing too is that you have to be extremely self-disciplined. Certainly you would not think that something as complex as the above subject is something you can take casually, absolutely not. This is a profession that involves a lot of hard work and determination, but in the long run it will well be worth it.
So, as you can see-if you're not already aware of it-the legal profession is indeed an exciting one, but one that is not without its challenges. And just to think, there's one right in your community, yes, you can go to a law college in Malaysia.
The legal profession is waiting for you, but are you ready for it? Only if you take your studies seriously and you are determined to be a success.


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Zen Internet is an Internet service provider (ISP) based in Rochdale, England.

History
Zen was founded in 1995 by Richard Tang (then Managing Director, now Chairman) after a drink in the pub, Zen Internet was one of the first ISPs in the United Kingdom. Zen began by providing Internet access to schools and small businesses in the Rochdale area.

In February 2008, the company announced they would not be speaking to or partnering with Phorm, a controversial advertising company hoping to purchase user data from UK Internet service providers.

In April 2008, Zen Internet moved all its employees from their purpose-built HQ on Moss Bridge Road in Rochdale into the much larger Sandbrook House offices located at Sandbrook Park (Rochdale), a move part funded by the North West Regional Development Agency.

In August 2008, after the BBC proposed changing their content delivery provider for their iPlayer streaming service, Zen Internet warned that costs would increase once the move to Level3 was complete.

Zen provides broadband to both businesses and home users. They were one of the early ISPs to offer 'self-install ADSL' and designed their network not to rely on other providers for backbone. Zen Internet are currently a member of the CISAS (Communication and Internet Services Adjudication Scheme), an alternative dispute resolution scheme giving access to independent and speedy conflict resolution.

Products
Using Juniper and Cisco hardware, the Zen core network is run over four POPs, one in their home town of Rochdale, and three others in Equinix in Manchester, Telehouse and Interxion in London.

Zen Internet is a member of the UK peering points LINX, LONAP, MaNAP and IX Manchester. In 2005, Zen unbundled the Rochdale exchange followed by the Bury, Oldham and Blackfriars exchanges in 2006 to provide an unbundled service to local residents and businesses.
Zen have six main product areas:

 Broadband: fibre broadband using FTTP and FTTC, ADSL, SDSL, DSL Hardware
 Security services: UTM firewalls, content filtering
 Domain and hosting services: Data centre, shared hosting (Windows & Linux), dedicated server hosting, managed hosting, domain names, colocation, cloud hosting
 Leased Lines: Ethernet in the First Mile (EFM), access (Up to 2 Mbit/s), Ethernet (2 Mbit/s – 1 Gbit/s), private wide area networks
 Design and marketing services: website design, content management systems, e-commerce websites, intranet/extranet site design and build, search engine optimisation, email marketing, social media marketing
Voice:  Phone services, SIP trunking – Business Talk SIP, VOIP – broadband voice, ISDN30

Awards
In 2006, the company won several awards at the Internet Service Providers' Association (ISPA) annual awards ceremony. These awards were: "best business ISP", "best heavy business broadband", and "best uncontended service".

The company featured in the Sunday Times Tech Track 100 from 2003 to 2006 as well as featuring in the Sunday Times Fast Track 100 in 2004.

In 2010, Managing Director Richard Tang was named Customer Service Entrepreneur of the Year by Ernst & Young at an awards ceremony in Manchester. This award recognised the retraining scheme introduced by the company in the Rochdale area.

References

External links

Internet service providers of the United Kingdom
Telecommunications companies established in 1995
Companies based in Rochdale

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


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Spilosoma nyasana is a moth in the  family Erebidae. It was described by Rothschild in 1933. It is found in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Kenya and Malawi.

References

Natural History Museum Lepidoptera generic names catalog

Moths described in 1933
nyasana


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Director Woody Allen riffs on jazz for his first visit to Minneapolis – StarTribune.com
Standard / by Bash Daily Group Archive Feed / August 5, 2015 / No Comments
http://www.startribune.com/self-described-amateur-woody-allen-talks-about-his-jazz-band-state-theatre-show/319481221/
By Colin Covert Star Tribune
Director Woody Allen riffs on jazz for his first visit to Minneapolis for State Theatre show
Allan Stewart Konigsberg's dreams of artistic glory didn't pan out the way he expected. As a teenager in 1950s Brooklyn, he was bitten by the music bug, lingering beside the record player in his bedroom as it played vibrant New Orleans jazz. It became, he said, "an obsession." Determined to be a professional musician, he persuaded the clarinet accompanist for bandstand great Fats Waller to teach him private lessons for $2 an hour.
Konigsberg never reached Tin Pan Alley.
Changing his name to Woody Allen, he passed his time by writing, directing and starring in amusing movies roughly once a year for half a century. But he never lost his lifelong hope to entertain audiences through live music. Which is why he's performing next month with the six-man New Orleans Jazz Band on a cross-country swing. They will launch the multistate tour at the State Theatre in Minneapolis on Sunday, Aug. 2.
Allen and his ensemble have never played Minnesota before, much less visited it. Talking by phone from New York, Allen explained why, after decades of international and stateside jazz performances, he decided to become a first-time visitor.
"I've never been to Minnesota, you know. I read about it all the time. I like it. I've always liked its politics," Allen said. "I would like to spend a day there and see the town. I've always had a very positive feeling about it. Everybody in the band agreed that Minnesota would be a nice place to play, so we took the date."
Sightseeing is an important part of life on tour, he said.
"I always travel with my family. We do enjoy being on the road because we get to go and see places like Minnesota, San Francisco, Paris. We pick places that we think we'll enjoy. You know, that's not our primary job. We do it for fun," he said in a tone far from the neurotic whine he often uses on-screen.
"We normally tour Europe, but in this case I have some filming in California," he added. Allen, who has directed an astonishing 45 films, will begin shooting his next in Los Angeles this August, with a cast including Jesse Eisenberg, Kristen Stewart, Blake Lively and Bruce Willis. "So it felt good to do a few dates en route to California — and Minnesota sounded like one that would be fun to do."
Allen has played the clarinet publicly almost weekly in New York for decades, performed on half a dozen movie soundtracks, and drawn crowds of 8,000 at the Roman ruins in his European jazz tours. Still, he hopes people will understand that his film work is the focus of his creative life.
"I'm a terrible musician," he said. "I don't say this out of any false modesty. I never learned to read music or play correctly. I'm strictly an amateur New Orleans jazz fan."
In the early 1970s he began appearing onstage in Monday night jam sessions with other nonprofessionals as the New Orleans Funeral and Ragtime Orchestra. "We were all dedicated fanatics to the tradition. We started playing in a small restaurant in New York," drawing a hundred jostling fans to the tiny bar at Michael's Pub, then moving up to the hallowed Manhattan institution, the Carlyle Hotel.
"If I was not known for being in movies, nobody would come to see me," he said. "Someone suggested, 'Why don't we see what it's like to tour the band' and we ended up playing to many, many people in the houses all over Rome and Spain and Belgium and Switzerland and Japan. It kind of snowballed. But it's strictly an amateur thing for me.'
Self-deprecating musician
Allen's love for New Orleans jazz — a simple, blunt, antique style — gives his devotees a refresher course in vintage swing. It's something of a master class. "I'm at least cerebrally an expert at that music. I know all the recordings, all the musicians, I can identify them all blindfolded. I learned everything by listening to the music constantly my entire life.
"It's a very limited taste," he said. "If you went around the country, one in 5 million people would say, 'Oh, I know what New Orleans music is.' It's like if we had a group that sang Gregorian chants or something. It's a limited hobby and if you're not interested in it, it's the most boring thing in the world."
He pursues it, he said, "without any attempt to make it a commercial enterprise whatsoever."
And yet, the band has drawn crowds globally. It plays a massive repertoire of some 1,200 diverse blues, marches, hymns and spiritual tunes. There is no set list. Allen, in collaboration with band director Eddy Davis, calls out whatever song he thinks should go next. "We decide what comes next on the spur of the moment.
"The other guys in the band are great because they're real musicians," he said. "They read and they make a living playing music. I'm a tolerated amateur. I'm sure behind my back they roll their eyes and say, 'Well, we've got to have him in the band 'cause he's the movie name.' So it's strictly a hobby that took on a life of its own."
No laughing matter
Allen said his pastime does prove that doing something not for money but just for the love of the craft "turns out to be very rewarding in many ways." Rewarding with audience communication, sometimes with an Allen-led audience singalong to the band's rakish syncopation.
A stand-up comedian from 1960 to 1968, Allen finds performing music vastly better.
"It's much easier. You're hiding behind the music, up there communicating with six other guys. Stand-up comedy is brutally hard. You're alone, you're talking to the audience directly and you've got to get laughs one after the other for an hour onstage.
"With the band, if the acoustics are good, you hear the music back as we play it. You can solo if you want, you can hide behind the other musicians if you want, and after a while we go, hopefully before we have exhausted the patience of the audience."
Next Beloved Chicago jazz pianist Ramsey Lewis marks his 80th birthday – Chicago Tribune
Previous Golden Age of Jazz Lives on Inside Upper East Side Apartment
He has helped me with everything from advertising gigs, setting up ads, contact information, contacting labels and media, producing my own CDs, distribution, and other invaluable advice. His passion for what he does helps keep me on a positive attitude when the business side of things seems bleak at times.
I am quite sure I would not have been able to achieve the success that I have over the last 13 years if it wasn't for the expertise, hard work, and guidance of Jim Eigo and Jazz Promo Services.
Dave Stryker, Guitarist / Bandleader / Clinician

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


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High & Grounded
A Wellness Practice – Psychiatric Nurse Practitioners – Scottsdale, Arizona
Treatment & Fees
Addiction Treatment – Scottsdale, AZ
Dr. Ryan Lee, a psychiatric nurse practitioner in Scottsdale, AZ, specializes in addiction treatment including medication management and counseling services. Please contact us to discuss treatment options and availability!
The American Society of Addiction Medicine (ASAM) defines addiction as "a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry. Dysfunction in these circuits leads to characteristic biological, psychological, social and spiritual manifestations. This is reflected in an individual pathologically pursuing reward and/or relief by substance use and other behaviors."
The ASAM characterizes addiction by "the inability to consistently abstain, impairment in behavioral control, craving, diminished recognition of significant problem with one's behaviors and interpersonal relationships, and a dysfunctional emotional response". Like most disease, addiction often occurs in cycles of relapse and remission. Without proper treatment, addiction tends to be progressive and can result in severe disability or premature death.
More recently, research has shown support that the same neurological changes in the brain's reward pathway that underlie substance use disorders are likely related to other addictive behaviors such as compulsive gambling, excessive spending/debting, and sexual acting out.
What about addiction treatment?
Over the years, many different treatments that have been developed for those struggling with addiction. In the outpatient setting, addiction treatment modeled on evidence-based practice typically is composed of a combination of counseling, group therapy, peer- support groups, and when appropriate, medication management.
According to research, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), motivational interviewing (MI), contingency management, and self-help groups are the most effective psychosocial approaches to addiction. 12-step programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA, have historically helped thousands of individuals stay sober. Practices such as meditation, mindfulness, and yoga can also be very beneficial to those in recovery from an addiction.
There are several medications approved by the FDA that are used to treat addiction. These include disulfiram (Antabuse), acamprosate (Campral), naltrexone (Revia), and the long-acting injectable form of naltrexone known as Vivitrol. There are also other medications, such as neurontin (Gabapentin) that are used "off-label" to treat addiction. Medications to help relieve withdrawal symptoms early in the recovery process can also be beneficial and are sometimes needed in order to do so safely.
Extended-Release Naltrexone (Vivitrol©):
At High and Grounded Wellness, Dr. Ryan Lee prescribes and administers Vivitrol© to patients in our private and discrete outpatient setting
Vivitrol© is an evidence-based, once-per-month, injectable medication used for the treatment of alcohol and opioid addiction. The active ingredient in Vivitrol©, naltrexone, is an opioid receptor antagonist.
For opioid addiction, naltrexone blocks opioids from attaching to the opioid receptors in the body. If an individual introduces an opioid into his or her body while taking naltrexone, the typical effects of the opioid (such as euphoria, analgesia, and respiratory depression) are blocked. This offers a source of protection from opioid cravings and relapse.
When alcohol is ingested, the body releases natural "feel good" chemicals that send signals of pleasure and reward to the brain. Overtime, this reinforces the act of drinking as a positive experience that overrides negative experiences, or consequences. Alcohol further stimulates the body to release endogenous, or naturally produced opioids, which reinforces pleasure and reward.
Naltrexone blocks these naturally produced opioids from attaching to the body's opioid receptors. In this way, naltrexone blocks the reinforcing effects of alcohol. Studies show that individuals who take naltrexone have less cravings, stay sober for longer periods of time, and of those who may relapse, tend to get back into sobriety faster.
Schedule a Medication-Assisted Treatment Consultation Today!
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The strong wave of oppression is in response to the anti-government forces having grown ever more active. A new opposition group called Saudi Million and claiming independence from any political party was founded in late July. The Saudi youths which mostly constitute the movement say they demand the release of political prisoners and vow to hold regular demonstrations, announcing their dates and locations via Facebook and electronic newspapers.
Human rights violations are driving people on to the streets despite the fear of arrest, according to activist Hala Al-Dosari, who spoke to RT from Jeddah, Saudi Arabia.
The loudest voice of the Saudi opposition at the moment is a person called 'Saudi Assange'. His Twitter name is @Mujtahidd, he keeps his identity and whereabouts secret and is prolific in online criticism of the ruling family, which has gained him over a million followers.
The Twitter activist's anonymity is understandable. The most recent example of what can happen to activists is the case of Raif Badawi, the founder of the Free Saudi Liberals website, who was found guilty of insulting Islam through his online forum and sentenced the activist to 600 lashes and seven years in prison.
In June, seven people were sentenced to up to 10 years in prison for 'inciting protests' via Facebook. The indicted denied charges and said they were tortured into confession.
There was a time, at the beginning of the Arab Spring movement in the region in 2011, when the government tried to appease opposition activists by a $60 billion handout program by King Abdullah, according to Pepe Escobar, a correspondent for the Asia Times. He calls that move an attempt to "bribe" the population. However there was also a stick with this carrot.
"The stick is against the Shiite minority - roughly 10 percent of Saudi Arabia - who live in the Eastern province where most of the oil is, by the way. They don't want to bring down the House of Saud essentially. They want more participation, judiciary not answering to religious powers and basically more democratic freedoms. This is not going to happen in Saudi Arabia. Period. Nor in the other Gulf Cooperation Council [GCC] petro-monarchies".
Escobar points out the hypocrisy of the Saudi Arabian rulers, who feel free to advise other regional powers on how to move towards democracy, despite their poor human rights record.
Germany came under fierce criticism last week over its arms sales to Saudi Arabia and other Gulf states, which have almost tripled in just two years, from 570 million euro in 2011 to almost one-and-a-half billion in 2012.
And Angela Merkel's government has approved weapons exports of more than 800 million euro in the first half of this year - suggesting the level will continue to grow.
In 2012, Amnesty International claimed that German-made small firearms, ammunition and military vehicles were commonly used by Middle Eastern and North African regimes to suppress peaceful demonstrations.
"Small arms are becoming real weapons of mass destruction in the world now. There is absolutely no way to guarantee that the weapons that are being sold legally to countries like Saudi Arabia, even Egypt, do not fall into the hands of terrorists. The two important examples are German assault rifles found in the regions in Mexico and also in Libya. And there's absolutely no way of knowing how these weapons ended up there," Badawi said.


This month we will continue with the chapter "Staying With The Moment" (Click the title to view) from Dr. Thynn Thynn's "Living Meditation Living Insight" - the path of mindfulness in daily life. The discussion will start after a short period of sitting meditation.
click on this link http://www.buddhanet.net/drthynn.htm to read the introduction of Dr. Thynn Thynn.


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KCRW Features
How do you map the cost of mass incarceration in LA?
Hosted by Larry Perel Feb. 10, 2021 Politics
A new archival project from UCLA seeks to unearth boxes of internal records obtained from the LAPD. Photo by Pixabay.
Many already know about the history of racist policing in Los Angeles, a city that boasts the largest jail system in the world. The Los Angeles Police Department and its scandals have been the subject of countless movies. Major policy reforms have been forced on LAPD over the years in the form of federal consent decrees.
But what about the social cost of policing in our region? How do you sum up and tell the story with input from the communities hit the hardest? Where is their voice now?
A new archival project from UCLA seeks to become that conduit by unearthing boxes of internal records obtained from the LAPD. The effort recently received a $3.65 million boost in the form of a grant. Leaders of the project are UCLA history professors Marques Vestal and Kelly Lytle Hernández, who's also a 2019 MacArthur Fellow.
It builds on the previous work of the award-winning Million Dollar Hoods project. That plan maps and documents the fiscal and human costs of mass incarceration in Los Angeles by using arrest and jail data from the LAPD, Los Angeles Sheriff's Department, Long Beach Police Department, and several other municipal police departments in the area.
"We calculate how much is being spent to incarcerate residents of Los Angeles in a local jail system by neighborhood, and every neighborhood where we're spending more than $1 million per year locking up residents," says Hernández. "That's a million dollar hood."
Available records on the LAPD are sparse, however, and Vestal says only annual reports are accessible. He calls this a "sanitized set of statistics."
"We don't know any of the details of its daily operation. We don't know any of the internal back and forth communications or rationales for many officer-involved shootings. Any of its ideas and justifications for over policing like, let's say, the war on drugs in communities of color in South Los Angeles, East LA We don't have any of that internal history."
The files for the project were acquired through an ACLU lawsuit, a settlement with the LAPD and a set of oral histories. They have 177 boxes so far.
"Those records … we call it the 'war on drugs' in a box," says Hernández.
She explains that the LAPD is one of the most important institutions in the history of Los Angeles and the world. The agency affects policing innovations, training international officers, and fomenting the "war on drugs."
"We want to make sure that these records of this incredibly important institution are preserved and retained. So that 100 years from now, scholars and committee members will be able to look back and tell the story of what happened and why and at what consequence," says Hernández.
A file that stood out to Vestal was about an Angeleno who was shot by the LAPD under the guise of possible grand theft auto. When looking through the internal documents, he found that there was no such report. There was a report of a stalled car headlight.
Vestal explains, "That was the entire pretext for the stop, which ended up in this horrific shooting. This is the kind of information that's inside of this archive. We see this as a moment of reparative potential of these files to uncover."
What's the goal of the project? Vestal says they're creating a path to healing. "The LAPD archive is essential to finding out what happened, how we were harmed and how we fought back, and how this can inform our process of healing and our process of creating a society that actually has real security and not policing."
Hernández agrees, "We are pulling together a set of knowledge about how much needs to be returned to communities to help make us whole and to help us move forward in a new, more liberatory direction."
She hopes the uprising of 2020 was a turning point. "We're going to move away from mass incarceration. But this is the moment we have to pause and make sure we're preserving a record that will tell the story of what happened, to whom, by whom and at what cost," says Hernández.
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Larry Perel
Tara Atrian
DATER LA PRESENTS: VALENTINES + VINYL Special Programming Feb 1 LA homeless services authority gets new chief. What to expect? Greater LA Feb 1 'Critical history' has been cut from AP African American course: UCLA professor Press Play with Madeleine Brand Feb 1 City of Tents: Veterans Row trailer City of Tents: Veterans Row Feb 1


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CERES INC. is a Japan-based company primarily engaged in the point media business. The Company has two business segments. Its Point Media segment involves in the operation of moppy and mobatoku. Points are assigned depending on the actions of registered members who is viewing ads posted, download the smart phone application and shopping at partner sites. When the points have reached a number of provisions it can be exchanged for electronic money. The HR Media segment involves in the operation of moppy job, which is a part-time jobs media. The Company also engaged in private job offer service business.


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As its recovery broadens, India is transitioning from quality to growth, driven by domestic consumption and public spending on infrastructure, with clear benefits for three key sectors.
India, long overshadowed by China on the global economic stage, is getting ready for a star turn.
In a season of global uncertainty underlying expectations for slower growth worldwide, India is bucking the trend and building on steady economic momentum, according to Morgan Stanley's economists, who recently raised their India growth forecasts for this year and into 2017.
Taking that macro outlook and applying it at the market's micro level, what does it mean for investors? "Quality has been very popular since the global financial crisis, but as India's growth turns in the coming months, we see the market rewarding growth more fervently," says Ridham Desai, Morgan Stanley's Head of India Research and Equity Strategy. That growth will be anchored by two key factors, domestic consumption and government infrastructure spending, with implications for three sectors: private sector retail banks, consumer discretionary, and industrials.
Private Sector Retail Banks: Retail loan growth is strong and at multiyear highs in both real and nominal terms. Desai expects this growth to stay strong, as households, most of which have healthy balance sheets, borrow more. This should counterbalance the lack of corporate borrowing. Other sector advantages include the steady accretion to wealth among households over the past decade and likely market share gains in private loans, at the expense of India's capital-starved state-owned banks.
potential improvement in the rural sector, as the weather turns supportive.
Industrials: Private capital expenditure remains weak, due to low capacity-utilization, over-levered corporate balance sheets, sluggish global growth and, therefore, weak exports; however, the government has been increasing public capex and, more importantly, executing well across a number of projects, including road construction, railroad upgrades, and other long-term infrastructure improvements, such as coastal transportation. This uptick in government capex is likely to lead to better order books and earnings for industrials engaged in these activities.
For Morgan Stanley Research on the macroeconomic and strategic outlook for India, ask your Morgan Stanley representative or Financial Advisor for the full report, "India Macro Meets Micro: The Charm of Compounding," (Jul 24, 2016) Plus, more Ideas.


The co-founder of Bottlefork and The Duck Inn bars in Chicago created The Hackney Handshake – an "ode to the hipsters of Hackney" as it is "a drink that you've just found out about, but they've been enjoying since long before it was cool".
Competing in his first international tournament and visiting Europe for the first time, Phillips said his drink - gin, Manzanilla sherry, lemon juice, tea syrup and egg white soda, garnished with juniper dusted popcorn – drew on past recipes and new experiences.
Phillips was named champion after a three-day event that saw cocktail presentations, food matching and culminated in bartenders presenting their drinks to a throng of industry professionals, who later voted for their favourite cocktail.
Roberto Rossi of Italy excelled in the earlier rounds of food and cocktail matching and cocktail presentations, while Truls Thomsen from Norway was also noted for his creation.
As the champion, Phiilips has won two expenses-paid trips to as-yet unnamed destinations, where he will take part in ambassadorial work for Beefeater.


We visited Iwaki and Nihonmatsu in Fukushima last two days to attend orientation meetings which more than 40 Fukushima support organizations from all over Japan came. More than 800 residents from Fukushima who suffer from radiation problems participated the meeting to look for the support. Each organization set up the booth to explain their support program and get the up-date information from participants on what is really going on in Fukushima now.
At our FKDC booth, about 50 people signed up for 2015 dolphin camp. All of them were very excited about the camp especially encountering with wild dolphins and swimming in the ocean (because they can no longer swim in Fukushima due to radiation leak). We would love to take all of them, but now we have to pick 10 kids out of these 50 sign ups for our camp (because there is not enough finances). It is very hard to select.
It really touched our heart after hearing stories and talking directly from parents and children in Fukushima. There was a kid who had not been able to play his own yard because of radiation for 4 years. Many mothers were concerned that there are many children who have cyst of the Thyroid or unknown regular nosebleed. They need support and are looking for the help still after 4 years from the earthquake and tsunami.
We believe that it is highly important to continue this dolphin camp to give children positive experience to play in the nature.
Please support us and hopefully, we can make a dolphin adventure for children this summer.
Please take a look at the site and share to your friends.


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Nice Guy Anti-FAQ
« Cleanliness Orientation
"Nice Guy" is a pejorative label used almost exclusively to make fun of men who express frustration at the "unfairness" of the romantic world for good, kind-hearted guys. It comes from the saying "Nice guys finish last," and many have attempted to defend the perspective and insist that the frustrations and beliefs at its core are genuine reflections of reality.
As someone who struggled with these sorts of thoughts in high school (classic story of self-believed nice guy in unrequited love with a girl whose boyfriend seemed to be mistreating her) but then quickly outgrew it (remained friends with girl through her breakup with first boyfriend and finding actually nice new boyfriend), I view the debate surrounding the worldview and its components with a mix of frustration and sympathy. So I thought I'd write this to help clear the air a bit, and hopefully convince some Nice Guys that their beliefs are largely the result of biased perspectives and limited information, so that they can also grow past them.
(Note that girls can be "Nice Guys" too. Plenty of girls have found themselves to be essentially invisible to guys romantically, despite being nice and caring and giving them a shoulder to cry on as the guys pined after other (often less nice) girls. This post is going to keep the genders static for simplicity, but most of it can be applied to the reverse situation as well.)
0. What is a Nice Guy?
1. Why Do Girls Date "Assholes"?
2. Why Do Girls Claim to Like Nice Guys?
3. Why Do Girls Complain to Nice Friends?
4. Why Bother Risking the "Friendzone"?
5. Why Are Nice Guys Mocked?
6. Why Should I Believe Any of This?
Everyone's going to have different definitions of this, but the ones I find most useful/true tend to use some combination of the following tenets:
1) A guy who believes that being kind, polite, or caring are overall detrimental traits for dating.
2) A guy who believes that the things women claim to care about romantically (like being treated well) are not what they actually care about.
3) A guy who believes that women complaining about their dating life to nice male friends who want to date them are being hypocritical.
4) A guy who believes that being just friends with girls they are attracted to is either impossible, or too painful to be worth having them in their life (fear of the "Friend Zone")
Additional tenets I often see attributed to Nice Guys that I don't think are necessary to be one:
5) A guy who believes being friendly and spending money on girls obligates them to sex.
6) A guy who thinks women are only valuable for sex.
I only ever briefly held beliefs 1-2, and knew plenty of others who held 3-4 as well, but I don't believe 5-6 are "core" parts to being a Nice Guy, and think the majority of the hate/disgust people have toward Nice Guys usually focus on their expressions of 5-6.
Explaining why 5-6 are harmful and obviously wrong beliefs is beyond the scope of this FAQ, and hopefully not necessary to most reading it. However, some combination of 1-4 are somewhat more understandable beliefs that are often the result of biases (sample, confirmation, and others) and pain/frustration/loneliness. Since 5-6 are the beliefs that cause the most harm to others, they're the ones that tend to get the most attention, but when people assume that anyone who believes in 1-4 also believes 5-6, that makes conversations around the topic of "Nice Guys" hard to navigate.
1. Isn't Tenet 1 true? I know plenty of girls who date assholes, and lots of them won't date their nice male friends!
So there are two separate beliefs that combine to form the first tenet.
First, yes, you know plenty of girls who date "assholes." Most people do. I've also heard girls talk about guys who date "bitches." And guys who date assholes and girls who date bitches. Simple truth is, shitty people exist of all genders, and they are capable of finding someone to date them.
Sometimes the person they date is similarly shitty. But sometimes the sweetest, kindest people you know also date people who treat them poorly, or treat others poorly. Maybe because they don't see how shitty they are, or they're dependent on them in some way, or they have amazing sex, or because they don't have the self-esteem to think they deserve better, or because they hope their SO will change, or because they're afraid of being alone, or internalized societal messages about needing a "protector" (which can be confused for aggressive jealousy), and so on. People stay in relationships for a lot of reasons, but there are plenty of people who break up with shitty boyfriends and girlfriends too.
So let's be clear: if someone ever told you that people only date nice people, they misinformed you. At best they were overly optimistic. At worst they probably just wanted to encourage you to be nice. It was probably your mother. Try not to hold it against them.
But just because a rule you were taught turns out not to be true doesn't mean the opposite is true.
If Nice Guys just believed that being nice isn't a positive aspect for dating, that would be one thing. Still wrong, but less wrong. To think it's actually a detriment requires a second data point that seems to support this belief: that these girls have nice male friends, but they won't date them instead of the assholes.
So, "some girls date assholes while not dating their nice friends instead" becomes "being nice is a detriment to dating." It's a leap in logic, but at least you could see why someone who only focused on these two bits of data would conclude that… especially if the nice guy is observing examples of niceness "losing." An example of this is if a nice guy asks a girl out, gets a "no," and accepts that, then sees another guy get a "no," keep asking, and eventually gets a "yes."
But again, it's due to an artificial rule: the belief that being nice is the most important feature, translating to thinking that if you don't choose the nicest person to date, then you must not care about niceness.
But "Nice" is not all you need to date someone. I wouldn't even say it's much of a positive. If I'm being brutally honest, if you consider "nice" to be one of your best features, you're not saying much about yourself. Most people looking for a partner to go through life with consider "nice" to be a baseline attribute. Some combination of mutual attraction, interests, values, humor, and more are all higher on the list of what "matters" for most people. Again, not because niceness doesn't matter, but because anyone not nice is often filtered out fairly quickly.
But again, Nice Guys who believe Tenet 1 don't just think "Niceness isn't the most important thing," which is true. They believe it's completely irrelevant at best, and a detriment otherwise.
Guys who believe that women who won't date their nice friends must not care about niceness have only to ask themselves the same question: would I date a nice girl who I don't find interesting or attractive?
Any guy reading this who says yes: think long and hard about every female friend and acquaintance you have and have ever had, every single one that was at all nice to you, and ask yourself if you'd really date them all just because they showed an interest in dating you.
Not just go on a date with them. Not just have sex with them a few times. I mean commit to a relationship, say at least a few months.
If that seems unfair, remember that not everyone has the same priorities as you. Assuming that girls should be willing to just "give a guy a chance" despite not being interested in him romantically is assuming that the girl is interested in casually dating someone she doesn't see a future with. And any guy who asserts that girls should do that anyway, "just in case," is just setting himself and his peers up for heartbreak.
Some guys will still say, yes, they would definitely date a nice girl who expressed an interest in them no matter what other factors about that person are true, and will believe they mean it. And for some this will be true.
To those people, I say kudos! To you, niceness is the most important factor for dating. That's great!
But not everyone is like that. To plenty of people, it's just not the most important factor, and they can no more force themselves to prioritize niceness above all other traits than you could force yourself to prioritize something else in who you're attracted to.
In any case, even conceding that niceness isn't the most important factor for dating for most people, that still doesn't prove that niceness is a detriment for dating.
For that to be true, women need to actively turn away from niceness. They need to see two guys, equal in every way, but one is nice and one isn't, and say "I'd prefer the one that treats me poorly, please."
Again: I'm not saying this isn't possible. People are weird. Some people get off on degradation, and others just don't trust someone who isn't as selfish as they are.
But if it's your default assumption for how "most" people think and feel, or how women think and feel distinct from how men think and feel, then it's probably worth unpacking what you think "niceness" even is. Not everyone agrees on it; on one extreme end, some guys see the disgust people have for macho-male sexuality and catcalls and unsolicited dickpics, and internalize "niceness" as not ever showing any romantic interest for fear of being "creepy." On the opposite extreme, some people think being nice means being a doormat, having no boundaries, accepting anything other people do to you and making any sacrifice to fulfill even the smallest of gestures for the person you like.
Finding the balance between being confident in yourself and considerate of the people around you isn't always easy, but studies show that both often affect the perceived attractiveness of potential partners.
2. If Tenet 2 isn't true, why do women say they care about guys who are polite and nice caring, but date guys who treat them so poorly?
Again, some women do this, yes. As for why, the short answer to this is that people are complicated, and don't always know what they want… but to be clear, deciding that you know better than they do what they want is the trap that many Nice Guys (and just generally unpleasant people) fall into.
The longer answer has to do with expectations versus reality.
People tend to have an ideal image of what their romantic partner would be like: attractive, romantic, funny, competent, generous, educated, etc. A lot of this is informed by things people are told are important by their parents, or peer group, or popular culture, and I can't emphasize enough how damaging romantic movies are here. Most people are told at some point that porn is an unrealistic portrayal of sex, but it's less commonly explained how misleading "romance" movies are in portraying healthy relationships. Hell, in The Notebook the couple goes out together for the first time because the protagonist threatens to kill himself in front of the girl if she doesn't agree to go on a date with him… while she's already on a date with someone else.
So yeah, some people end up with very confused ideas of what healthy, stable attraction and love look like, or what kind of attributes to look for in a partner.
But however they come by them, people ultimately form an ideal set of attributes that they will explicitly think or say they want. Some are generally applicable, others are more specific, like "Went to an Ivy League school" or "Plays an instrument," but far less common are ones like "Went to Harvard," or "Plays piano."
Then, as they meet people who satisfy enough of their ideals to date, they make compromises. It's okay that they're not into the traditional romantic stuff. Or, it's okay that they don't give to charity. As they continue to date, there are often other things they didn't expect they'd care about, and learn to appreciate. They get comfortable dating them. They know each other, have shared habits and friends and maybe even a shared apartment. Eventually they might even fall in love.
Maybe some time passes and the guy lets himself go a bit. Less focus on his appearance, gaining some weight. Or the girl spends less time studying or working, and lowers her aspirations. Or simple time changes their perception: his humor, at first unique and witty, now seems cynical or repetitive. Her competence at her job, at first impressive, now seems middling at best.
But if they love each other, they keep dating anyway. One or two things slipping a bit aren't usually enough to break a relationship. Hell, even everything slipping a bit usually isn't enough. Once people fall in love, it tends to take a long, steady decline in multiple areas for sufficient will to arise to change their pattern.
So here's the thing: "niceness" is one of those areas.
Maybe the guy wasn't really that nice to begin with, but they pretended. Forced himself to go to family events, held back criticisms of her, stopped himself from yelling at the waiter who got his order wrong, went out of his way to do nice things on all the major holidays, took her on dates because it was expected.
Or maybe things just changed. He doesn't want to see her family as often anymore because he's gotten to know them and doesn't particularly like them, or vice versa. He doesn't really care how her day at work was anymore because he finds her talking about it repetitive and trivial. He gets angry when she buys something expensive without talking about it first because now they have shared accounts.
If she saw these behaviors at the start of their relationship, she might not have gone on a second or third date. But once they've been dating for months or years, once love is in the picture and they live together and have a mutual friends and pets and even have kids together, it gets harder and harder to justify breaking things off and upending their lives and being single again, just because he's not as "nice" as she'd like.
This isn't just a story. This sort of thing happens all the time. I see it among couples that come in for counseling, know people who complain about it as a growing irritation they have for their SO. Unfortunately, it can even go on past the point of just not "being nice" to verbal or physical abuse. Sometimes people take years to leave a relationship that's long since become toxic.
So, are girls lying if they say they like nice guys, even though they're dating someone not all that nice?
No. But "I like nice guys" or "I want to date nice guys" isn't the same thing as "I won't date someone if they aren't nice," any more than "I like funny girls" isn't the same thing as "I won't date an unfunny girl." For some people it does mean that, but even then, people compromise on their ideals all the time… especially for love.
And if you're thinking "But what about girls who date guys even though they're an asshole right away?" then you're forgetting the first part of all this: people are complicated. Some think they can make them better people through dating them. Others have low self-esteem and don't feel like they deserve people to be nice to them all the time: they're just grateful that the boy is nice to them some of the time.
And ultimately, some really don't care all that much about niceness. If these people say they do, they're lying, either to themselves or others. It happens.
But that doesn't mean all or even most girls are that way.
3. Okay but Tenet 3 is obviously true. Girls complain about their boyfriends to their nicer male friends all the time. Don't they know they're being hypocritical?
Let's say a girl complains about how her boyfriend ruined their dinner when he tried to make it, and the friend she's talking to is a great cook. Is that hypocritical?
Let's say she complains about him not applying to a better job he said he would, to a friend who's successful in their profession. Is that hypocritical?
If someone suggested that a girl should break up with her boyfriend because he's a bad cook, and date the guy who's a great cook instead, they'd be dismissed as ridiculous. But many seem to take it for granted that, if a girl is unhappy with her boyfriend's not getting her a great gift on her birthday, or dismissing her interest to see a movie together, or not being nice to her family, everything else about him shouldn't matter.
Don't get me wrong: I think kindness should be valued far above cooking skill or professional aspiration. But it seems apparent that not everyone feels that way. And even if they do, as explained above, most girls who say they like niceness and kindness aren't lying just because their boyfriends aren't always as nice or kind as their male friends might be.
There are just other factors that are apparently strong enough to make them stay in the relationship. People complain about their SO to friends all the time. When a girl complains about lack of niceness to a nice friend, whether that nice friend wants to date her doesn't change what she wants, and isn't hypocritical.
Also, it needs to be said that if you're a nice male friend of a girl you're attracted to, and you think her boyfriend isn't good enough for her and you would treat her much better, you should at least consider that you might be affected by some bias. Not just the "obviously I'm a better person than someone I have reason to dislike" bias, I mean things like confirmation and sample bias too. Some people are more likely to complain about their SOs to friends than talk about how great they are. But just because you're only hearing about the negative things doesn't mean that's all there is.
Of course, if a girl knows her male friend wants to date her, talking to him about her boyfriend is probably not the most tactful thing to do. But that's why it's important for people to have mature discussions about boundaries if certain things bother them.
4. Why bother? Tenet 4 isn't about objective facts, it's about feelings, and if there are unrequited romantic feelings, isn't that friendship just going to be painful and pointless?
This question could take a whole book to answer thoroughly (or at least it did when I tried), but the short answer to this is "it depends on the people involved."
Friendship is great. Ideally, everyone should be open to more friendship. But friendship can come with costs. To end a friendship is basically saying "I don't value what you bring me enough to justify what you cost me." Which you should be able to say, especially if they're abusive or shitty friends.
But sometimes what a relationship costs you is not always someone's fault.
Unrequited love sucks. Really, really sucks. Comparing it to the loss of a loved one isn't quite right, but it's not far off either. It's a whole stew of terrible feelings all mixed into one ongoing emotional torture: desperate hope, crushing loneliness, acidic jealousy, etc. It eats at your self-esteem, your self-worth. It sucks the joy out of things, concentrates them all in one place.
To get through that, to endure it, for the sake of a friendship is perhaps more than anyone should be expected to do. But I do encourage people to at least try to do it, because I've done it twice, and I'm glad I did both times. It helped me grow as a person and left me with two (or more, if counting their spouses) great lifelong friendships. I encourage others in the hopes they can benefit from them and keep their friendships too.
But I don't judge someone for deciding not to put themselves through that. Because maybe it's just not true for everyone, or every situation: maybe for some it's a never-ending spiral of darkness.
But that's unrequited love. If you like someone, have a crush on them, are attracted to them, or pretty much any feeling that basically amounts to "I would like to date this person, they make me feel good and warm and happy," but they just want to be friends? It's really hard to understand why that friendship would be "pointless" just because it never evolves into a relationship. If you're heterosexual, and your best same gender friend admitted to attraction to you, you would probably be really badly hurt if after saying you don't share their feelings they said "Whelp, guess this friendship is all worthless then if we're never going to have sex, bye forever."
So tenet 4 really comes down to the two individuals. For example, someone shouldn't stay in a relationship where they're being strung along, or where the other person is being insensitive to their feelings for them. This is where mature conversations need to be had: if you've never admitted how you feel and can't bring yourself to say "Please don't tell me about that guy you hooked up with last night, I have feelings for you and hearing about that feels like a stab to the gut," or a less vulnerable version like "I'm still sorting out my feelings for you and things like this make it harder." Otherwise it's unfair to expect them to know better.
Ultimately, no one should feel obligated to stay in a friendship they don't want to continue, for whatever reason. Where it becomes a problem is when, rather than a guy admitting that he ends his friendships with girls because he doesn't want to deal with the negative emotions that are stirred up by them dating others, he blames the girl for not choosing to date him.
So yes, Tenet 4 is true… for most people most of the time. But it's not an absolute, and without Tenets 1-3, it's far less harmful. What causes Nice Guys to get flak for the belief is the way it turns to blaming women.
5. Why are Nice Guys mocked by women/men?
Again, hopefully I don't have to explain why Tenets 5 and 6 are wrong and get judged poorly by others here. There's no definition of "nice" that covers treating people like sex dispensers or believing they owe you things they never agreed to.
But there are a number of common threads I see in criticisms of Nice Guys that relate to Tenets 1-4, and now that I went over them a bit, I want to address why they elicit the reactions they do from others.
Women in general tend to dislike Nice Guys because their beliefs stereotype women and undermine their agency: Tenets 1-2 amount to "girls don't like nice guys and if they say they do they're wrong or lying." Of course there are girls who like "bad boys," and some who currently don't may have done so when they were younger, but treating "girls prefer assholes" as a rule of dating makes women out to be either too dumb to understand themselves (the way the speaker can supposedly so clearly see through them) or too insincere to tell guys what they really want.
This is the equivalent of women saying that men "only care about looks." Sure, it's true for some men, even many men. But there are plenty of guys who genuinely care about their partners for more than just their looks, but who get irritated at women for assuming guys only care about sex.
Women tend to dislike Tenets 3 and 4 because they essentially make women out to be callous manipulators who go around breaking nice guys' hearts for sport. Even if no malice is assigned to them by the guys, a lot of girls know first-hand how painful it is to have good friends cut them off just because the girl doesn't want to date the guy, which is rarely acknowledged by the guys who are so focused on their own pain.
Even if the guy wants more than sex, and wants an actual romantic relationship, the distinction between friends and dating often comes down to flirtation and sex first, which means women have to deal with being "Relationship Zoned," and only treated as worth friendship if it will lead to something more. Any guy who doesn't think it sucks to meet someone and become friends with them only to get the cold shoulder as soon as they find out you have an SO needs to practice his empathy. When it happens constantly, some women get understandably bitter.
Generally, men and women feel safe acknowledging that people shouldn't feel forced to stay in friendships if they don't want to. Most agree that even if it sucks, it's no one's fault if a guy likes a girl who doesn't like him back, and staying friends with the girl is too painful. Again, what reliably brings out the mockery and anger is when Nice Guys make out girls to be the bad guys for not being able to force themselves to like someone, or not giving their Nice Guy friend "a chance." Some people feel okay with going on dates in an exploratory way, and might be willing to do so; others are afraid it will change the friendship, as it often can.
Also, rejecting guys can be scary. No matter how nice someone seems, it's always a risk for women, and even if the guy doesn't start insulting them or physically attacking them, it could lead to the guy cross-examining them about what "went wrong" or asking for another chance. For most people it's just easier to not open that door.
Men who dislike Nice Guys tend to fall into two camps. The first generally disagrees with their beliefs, and finds them immature or sexist… in other words, not actually "nice." They also might be guys who are, you know, nice and sweet and kind too… but have girlfriends, and so are living proof that "girls only date assholes" is just not true. So the perpetuation of the "nice guys finish last" myth kind of strikes a lot of guys as implicitly insulting, as if to say that they must not be as nice as all the single guys who want to date their girlfriends.
On top of that, guys who see Nice Guys complaining about how being nice doesn't get them girlfriends tend to think that they're only in it for sex/romance, and don't actually care about the girls as people, so they find them somewhat hypocritical.
Another type of men who mock Nice Guys generally agree with their beliefs, but mock their decision to "stay nice" and be "beta" while encouraging them to abandon niceness. These tend to be advocates of Pick Up Artist communities who try to "game" women into sex, or Red Pillers who believe that women are biologically programmed to only care about looks and bank accounts, and insist that Nice Guys need to wake up to "reality" and embrace their (often harmful) definition of masculinity or gender relationships rather than whining about how unfair it all is.
The latter group, by the way, is a mixed bag in terms of value to guys. A lot of what they preach is basic positive stuff that everyone could benefit from: Get fit. Develop hobbies and interests. Have more confidence. Don't put people on pedestals. These are all good pieces of advice to guys or girls who are romantically frustrated. The problem comes in when they sell this advice (which, again, is very basic and they did not invent) alongside suggestions for predatory dating practices, representations of females as biologically driven gold-diggers incapable of love, and promotion of one-size-fits-all ideals of good relationships.
And finally, there are just some people who mock "Nice Guys" because they're mean people who like to make fun of others, or because they have bad listening skills/reading comprehension and see all expressions of loneliness as entitlement to others' affection, even if none of the 6 tenets were invoked. Sorry about those people. They suck.
6. So now what? I've got these beliefs that you say aren't true, I'm just supposed to believe you over my experiences?
I don't expect anyone to believe a stranger on the internet, but I hope I can help people understand why even first-hand experiences can lead us to false beliefs if they're not carefully examined.
Humans are pattern-seeking creatures. A number of our mental biases come from the mind's tendency to take a subset of information and experiences, and turn them into a general rule. This is useful when you're trying to survive in the wilderness, and seeing a couple people die after eating a spotted mushroom or wandering into the forest at night leads you to believe that "those mushrooms are poisonous" and "that forest is full of predators."
Some of these beliefs turn out to be true, others false, but humans aren't just pattern-seeking, we're also risk-averse. Whether true or false, the beliefs we form off of anecdotal evidence are more likely to be be stubborn about updating if they help us avoid or minimize risk of being hurt.
So let's look at how some romantic stereotypes form:
"Girls like to play hard-to-get" or "Girls find you more attractive when you aren't seeking them."
There's a core element of truth in both of these: namely, desperation tends to be unattractive. Some people fall for each other immediately, but for people who take time to slowly warm up in their attraction, coming off "too strong" is definitely a negative. But they're also somewhat contradictory.
So here's a thing that happens sometimes which might cause those beliefs:
Alice is friends with Mike. Mike likes Alice, and wants to be more than friends. He makes some subtle hints, but Alice misses all of them, too caught up in her attraction with John. A year later, John is with someone else and Alice has begun to see Mike as more than a friend. Mike, however, has already given up on Alice, and is interested in someone else. When Alice brings up her attraction to Mike, he becomes upset that she "only likes him now that he's not interested in her."
Alice is hurt: she genuinely didn't know Mike used to like her. Mike is hurt: he thinks she's just playing with his emotions. In the best case scenarios, their friendship survives, and maybe Mike still feels enough for her to give the relationship a try. But if he really has moved on, he might become bitter about the year of unrequited feelings he had. He might be more likely to believe that "women like to play hard to get."
Another thing that might happen is that women who have been hurt before, and/or heard lots of stories of guys who seem interested at first eventually get bored of their partner and move on, only feel safe with someone who expresses constant, passionate interest, such that they inadvertently (or even purposefully) turn dating into a competition for their affection. Even worse, many people advise women not to ever be the one to call or text first, in order to filter for guys who are genuinely excited about you, rather than a convenient person to sex zone (a common female concern , likely as common as the nice guy concern). It's also more of a risk for women to be "too interested" first, as this might attract guys who will prey on their interest to use them; the way some guys worry about girls taking advantage of them for their money, most women worry about guys taking advantage of them for sex.
"Girls can have any guy they want, while guys have to jump through hoops to get a girl's attention!"
There is, again, a core of truth in this, if you ignore a lot of factors that I'll get to in a minute: As almost anyone who's ever been on a dating site can attest to, even controlling for attractiveness, men and women have very different experiences. A reasonably attractive woman's week-to-week experience on a dating site is essentially sorting through messages to find the few articulate, interesting, and/or amusing ones from guys they find attractive. Even a reasonably attractive guy's day-to-day experience is messaging a dozen women and hoping one of them responds.
Some guys take this as definitive proof that dating is easier for women. I know these are often separate people from those that complain about being labeled as "only after sex," but it's still a point worth addressing. Many will refer to popular videos that show a guy going around asking random women on the street for sex and getting no positive responses, while a woman doing the same thing gets plenty.
And if sex is all that guys and girls care about, then it's true: girls can get sex much easier than guys can.
But there's a mismatch of expectations and standards here. The average man's starting standard for "enjoyable sex" is far lower than the average woman's. A healthy, sober guy will reach orgasm almost every time they have sex. But even though a girl's enjoyment of sex doesn't require orgasm, even if it's not a goal, the sex can still be far less enjoyable for a wider variety of reasons.
(Research suggests that, on average, women are more sexually aroused by stimuli that include "mood" rather than men, who tend to be more easily stimulated by the merely physical or visual.)
Most guys who believe that women can get sex whenever they want fail to consider that women are far less likely to want sex whenever guys want. That's not just a remark about sex drive, by the way: there are plenty of women who have higher libido than men. The point is that to find sex with a stranger or even new acquaintance desirable, even an attractive stranger/acquaintance, tends to be harder for women. Even if we ignore societal pressures against being a "slut," even if we ignore the various different physical risks to women, they still can't know whether the man is even skilled or generous enough in bed for the women to enjoy the experience.
It's kind of like giving someone a Lifetime Pass to a particular movie theatre that plays movies at random, and mostly only gory horror movies, with a low chance of playing something else. But not everyone enjoys horror movies. In fact some find them, well, horrifying.
And for guys who love almost all movies, including gory horror movies, to look around and see women getting free movie tickets seems pretty unfair. It's also hard to always see the strings attached: or rather, to see how often what you think are gestures of niceness and friendliness turn out to be strings. To paraphrase Chris Rock, encountering "Wanna grab some lunch? How 'bout some dick?" and "Wanna see a movie? Wanna see my dick too?" almost every time a guy interacts with you can be exhausting, frustrating, and downright dehumanizing when one gets to the point where they have to constantly think about whether people are being friendly with them to just get some sex.
To simplify, a lot of guys imagine women being able to just walk into a video store, peruse the aisles, and walk out with the high quality movie of the exact genre they want. The reality is more like being constantly barraged with DVDs of random movies in varying quality. Even if such a service were available to them, they have to want what's on offer to enjoy it.
So even the attractive girls on dating sites who don't want a short term relationship, or don't want to date someone who's more interested in sex than in finding an interest they both share and can talk about, or actually want a romantic relationship with someone they can form a connection with… Their inboxes might as well be empty most days too.
To reiterate, I'm not saying it's not easier for women to get sex, or even to find a relationship. I'm saying it's not easier for women to be happy.
You can't act like women don't like the attention. I know a girl who's leading three guys on at the same time, makes them pay for everything, and still complains about not being able to find a "nice guy!"
Yep, I believe it. I've known women who went from one relationship to another, cheating constantly and leeching off their boyfriends. I've also known guys who spent their entire relationship broke and jobless, living off their girlfriends' love for years while doing drugs and being abusive all the while.
Selfish people exist. Toxic people exist. See above about why people date others who treat them poorly.
The point of this isn't to say that these situations don't happen: it's to show how judging a gender by its worst members is, well, the definition of prejudice. Saying "Girls don't like nice guys" or "Girls like getting attention" is no different from saying "Guys just care about sex" or "Guys don't date to marry, they just marry whoever they're with when they're ready to settle down."
There are too many arguments that essentially boil down to "guys and girls are just different!" by people who are not psychologists, let alone neurologists or evolutionary psychologists, and when you look for sources what you find tend to be dating manifestos or gender philosophies masquerading as science from decades ago.
This happens on the extreme end of the female side as well, whether it's from cynical older women warning their daughters about how men are pigs or radical misandrists blogging about how all sex is rape. It's worth pointing out not just because it should be called out on both sides, but also as a way to empathize: if you as a guy dislike it when people judge you by the worst of your gender, you should be capable of understanding why women feel the same way.
In truth, there are some research-backed differences between men and women, as linked to above. But the differences are not always biological, they are not nearly as absolutist and generalized as many assert, and they are often not even restricted to "men" and "women!"
One of my favorite non-fiction writings by Isaac Asimov was a letter in which he described the relativity of wrong, explaining that someone who says the earth is a sphere is actually incorrect: it's an oblate spheroid, with mass concentrated more at the equator than the poles. But someone who says it's a sphere is not as wrong as someone who says that the earth is flat.
Similarly, someone who says men and women are "the same" is wrong. But they are a whole lot less wrong than those who insist that men and women's inborn psychological differences can be used to reliably predict any individual's behavior or motives.
Almost every woman I know is like this. You're talking about "unicorns," but they're the rare exception, and I'm never going to find one that isn't already taken.
Beliefs about large numbers of people that don't have some kind of falsifiable % put on them are kind of worthless. Even if we accept for the sake of argument that most women don't like nice guys, the word "most" can mean anything from 99.999% to 50.001%, and not bothering to distinguish between the two means you're okay with potentially being wrong as often as a coin flip.
It's been said that luck is statistics taken personally, and in truth it is possible for someone to justifiably believe that girls who actually prefer nice guys are exceptions. Just by the sheer numbers involved in the amount of people around the country and world, there will be some Nice Guys who go through their early life encountering a majority of women who embody the worst stereotypes of the gender—guys whose mother, sisters, and early romantic interests all make them more likely to accept the idea that women are just interested in attractive assholes.
When such beliefs are formed and reinforced so early and consistently, it can be hard to see past the confirmation bias that develops as a result. But, again, it's possible that this happens even in a model of reality that says that most women are not like that.
By contrast, the reverse circumstance isn't broken by counterexamples. For people with lots of female friends who are dating genuinely nice guys, the idea that being nice is detrimental to dating doesn't get proven by examples of abusive guys who have chains of girlfriends, or girls who claim to want nice guys but keep dating assholes.
This is all bullshit. I'm a smart, kind guy who's in decent shape, has a good career, and a variety of hobbies. If girls actually care about that stuff, why can't I get a girlfriend?
Oof. That's rough buddy. I'd like to start by giving you a hug, because the place you're in is shitty. I know how lonely it is, how frustrating. How the bitterness and desperation is sometimes your only defense against the pain. It really, really sucks, and this next part is going to seem cold. So bring it in.
/hug
The universe is an unfair place.
There are no soul mates. (Thankfully.) People are not destined to have fulfilling, lifelong romantic relationships, let alone entitled to finding such partners by the time they're 20, or 30, or 40.
Maybe the perfect woman for you is on the other side of the planet. Maybe she lives in your apartment building, but you'll never cross her path or have anything interesting to say to start a conversation that leads to a relationship.
Some people will meet their future wives or husbands in grade school, be married by college, and die within a year of each other when they're in their 80s. Others will die within a year of being married. Others will never find a relationship that lasts longer than a few years. Others will never find a relationship at all. That's life.
And if you're about to say that you're not talking about happily-ever-after, you'll settle for just any relationship, just to have someone want to hug you and cuddle you and kiss you and love you for a month, a year, anyone, well, the above still applies.
Relationships are random. They correlate to things like physical appeal and intelligence and fun personalities and whatnot, but you still need to run across someone who's attracted to you first. If you're not okay with meeting online or doing long-distance, they need to be in your area. And even if you're compatible, you need to meet at the right time where you're both looking for a relationship, rather than being, say, 10 years old, or 13 and 18 years old, or in the middle of a different relationship already, or about to move away for college or a new job and not thinking about dating right now.
So if you're 23, or even 33, or even 50, and haven't ever had a girlfriend before, it might not be because of anything in your control. You might have just rolled a sequence of bad dice. With enough people rolling enough dice, it happens. I'm not saying this to minimize your pain, but it's worth noting that some kids die of bone cancer before they're even teenagers. The universe doesn't care.
Take solace in that, if you can, because while there certainly are things people can do to improve their odds, blaming yourself can lead to some unhealthy depression and anger, and blaming women is the quickest way to ensure you're stuck alone. Cold comfort though it may be, I believe that recognizing the unfairness of the universe is one of the ways you can potentially move past blaming yourself or others, and start really considering the problem in ways you can maybe do something about.
Because here's the thing: if you really are a smart, kind guy of average attractiveness (or even below average attractiveness) who has a stable career but is frustrated by lack of romantic prospects? I'll bet you a thousand dollars to one that I can find you someone who will be willing to date you within a year.
How? By lowering your (probably unrealistically high) standards. That's all.
They probably won't be someone you initially consider attractive. And they might not have any skills for employment. They might suffer from some physical or mental disability. They might have totally different taste in music and movies and hobbies. And come to think of it, they might not even be all that nice, when you really get to know them.
How much do each of those things matter, to you? Think about it. What are you willing to settle on, if all you really want is someone who loves you? Because this is an important thing to consider, when addressing the question of what the world owes us (nothing) compared to what we expect of it (quite a lot, probably, when we actually examine what we want). There's nothing wrong with wanting a lot, but as the Buddha said, expectations, suffering, etc.
OKCupid used to have a research wing that analyzed the behavior of those on the site, and what they've found is that men tend to rate women as more attractive, on average, than women tend to rate men… but that men predominantly message women on the higher end of the attractiveness scale, while women are more willing to message men who are lower on the attractiveness scale.
Really think about that the next time you consider who among your female acquaintances and friends you're romantically pursuing, opposed to which ones you're ignoring that might be interested in you. And then think about whether you'd be willing to date the ones you're not considering, if they expressed interest in you. Because while having standards is good, and having high standards is admirable, having high standards while bemoaning the lack of choices available to you is just bad math.
Tangential to the Nice Guy myths are a lot of others that deal with this perceived romantic imbalance between genders. Guys who refer to highly attractive women when they say "If only some girl would give me a chance," or "Girls can get all the sex they want at any time," while ignoring the existence of women below their attractiveness threshold, whose experience might better match their own frustrations.
So is it really all that strange that you haven't found a girlfriend yet, if the only girls you're considering and pursuing are all on the higher end of all the various criteria you consider important?
And remember, this isn't an argument of "people can only date within their attractiveness level," it's an argument of "don't form beliefs about a gender solely off of members of it you're disproportionately focusing on."
And if none of that applies to you, then you still might just have rolled a series of critical fail rolls. Hopefully you'll regress to the mean soon; it feels cliché, but it's still true that the more effort you put in the more likely the dice are to be in your favor.
But if it does apply to you, reconsider what you think you know about what girls "really" want and why, and consider more carefully what you really want, and why.
advicepsychology


text:
Lake Tyers
January 30, 2013 | 0 |
About 10 km east of Lakes Entrance are the lake, township and 5300-hectare forest park of Lake Tyers, all named after Charles Tyers, the first commissioner for crown lands in Victoria in 1843. Lake Tyers could refer to the lake itself, the township known as Lake Tyers Beach or an area known as Bung Yarnda by the Aboriginal Gunai people of East Gippsland.
According to Gunai legend, Narkabungdha, the sea, was tired from playing with fish, rushing over rocks and rolling backwards and forwards on the sand. He searched the coast for somewhere to rest. At last he found a quiet place with tall gum trees for shade and soft earth to lie on. Narkabungdha lay down to sleep. He wriggled down into the soft sand, turning his body this way and that until he was comfortable. This place became Bung Yarnda or Big Waters, a place where Narkabungdha still rests among the trees.
The scientific explanation for the formation of the lake is compatible with the story of Narkabungdha, but less colourful. According to geologists, Lake Tyers is a buried river created in the last Ice Age about 10000 years ago. As ice caps and glaciers melted and flowed to the sea, the river disappeared under the rising water and a lake was created.
Gradually great sand dunes formed, cutting the lake off from the sea. The edges of the newly-formed lake followed the curves of the hillsides, creating wavy fingers of land that protruded into the water. The largest protrusion is the peninsula that forms the Aboriginal reserve in the heart of the Lake Tyers Forest Park. Striking views of the partially-cleared peninsula and of its historic buildings clustered around the pretty 1878 timber church, can be glimpsed from the shore of the lake in some parts, and of course from the water.
Surrounded by forest, Lake Tyers is one of the most picturesque of the Gippsland Lakes. Covering an area of about 16 square kilometres, it is the smallest lake and is not connected to any other lake or river.
Lake Tyers is periodically closed to the sea by a sand bar which was once used as a crossing for stage coaches on the Lakes Entrance to Orbost run. Lake Tyers naturally opened to the sea in June 1998, with the estuary closing again by January 1999. It opened up again on 26 June 2007 after 9 years and stayed open for 6 months. The entrance was artificially opened in 2002 when rising waters threatened nearby infrastructure and property but closed naturally in January 2003.
Beacons Reserve
Lake Tyers offers some of the best fishing in the region, mostly bream, luderick, flathead and garfish. The two main arms, Toorloo and Nowa Nowa, provide the most productive fishing spots. Small boats can be launched from Nowa Nowa and full boat-launching facilities are available at the Lake Tyers township.
There are various walking tracks including cliff top walks with vantage points for whale or seal watching during winter in June-July. Here is a map and details of the various walks.
To go to Lake Tyers Beach, drive northeast out of Lakes Entrance on the Princes Highway. Large signs direct you to turn right into Lake Tyers Beach. After turning right, follow the main road and you will come to a sign for Red Bluff. Red Bluff/Shelly Beach (GPS -37.865952, 148.064652) is a stretch of ocean beach located beneath a rocky headland within walking distance of the lake's sea entrance. This is the most renowned surfing spot in the region due to the off-shore reef building up the swell. This beach has no life saving patrols and is a dangerous beach so be aware.
Surfing at Red Bluff
Continue to the end of the main road and you arrive at the car park (GPS -37.857143, 148.085966) and Lake Tyers Waterwheel Tavern, the only eating place in the township. The lake and beach is accessed from here. Unlike Red Bluff, Lake Tyers is sheltered by sand dunes so is ideal for kids and adults alike. Its shallow warm waters give hours of joy for the kids.
Lake Tyers Waterwheel Tavern
Another recreational area is the 7100-hectare Lake Tyers State Park which extends from Lake Tyers Beach to Mount Nowa Nowa. Lake Tyers offers a number of areas for picnics, beautiful bush walks, forest drives, fishing and bush camping.
Ref: 1, 2, 3, 4
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Livingstone Island, Nelson
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This week we've been in Paris with Joshua Coombes, who cut some hair for the refugee kids currently living on the streets here.
Spending this time with them and sharing a little human contact, the boys opened up as they relaxed under Josh's touch, giving us the chance to listen to their stories.
We found out that many of them are orphans, and all of them have made crazy journeys across the world to get here…often alone.
Most of them were from Mali, The Ivory Coast or Gambia and many of them spoke French, some Spanish, and a couple spoke a little English.
Although the mood was positive and the boys had a lot of energy and obvious love for one another…I was shocked by what I was hearing.
These boys still have the curiosity and hope of kids, but have seen things most of us will never even experience in our nightmares.
I can't help but continue to be baffled that they are living like this, homeless, on the streets of Paris.
There are currently around 250 teenage refugees, (mostly between 14 and 16), fending for themselves here.
A step in the right direction Love your God. Love your neighbour.