text:
I've become completely alone
Thread starter Fudgepuppy
Fudgepuppy
I've always been a very social guy, always had a lot of people I call my friends. In hindsight though, the friendships have never been fully mutual. It's always been me calling them, I've always been the one left behind. Even those friendships I've had that I'd call great, have their stories of me being completely forgotten and neglected.
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten. This evening, I found out through the only good friend I have left, that they are all having a board-game night, and that I haven't been invited.
For a while, my attitude has been 'fuck those guys if they can't respect me'. I've instead focused on the people that do appreciate me, and focusing on the things that do make me happy.
I started a community for Smash-bros players which has been going decently, I've become active in a creative-workshop a new friend is hosting, I might even get a job there because of how I've handled local-gaming nights. Even today, I started a podcast project about movies.
And yet, after all of this, that knowledge of knowing that I've been pushed aside, just saddens me. I want to be able to host parties, but this fear of conflict, has led me to become reclusive in many aspects. I'm scared while I'm trying to push through this.
I recently also became unemployed after working for six months at a place where no one cared about me, despite me trying to reach out and make friendships.
I'm really trying to be strong, just looking at it from a practical standpoint, that I would rather be alone than have bad friends. But deep down, the sadness sticks with you.
Almost every day, I find myself, subconsciously mumbling, "I wonder who would come to my funeral". That is what scares me the most.
Sorry for blog-post, just wanted to get this off my chest.
tanooki27
life is long and the world is huge
Wendover, England
Things get better with time. Sounds like your a decent bloke and would say your outlook seems the right one.
Hope you feel better soon and good luck with finding a new job. Am sure this will make a difference
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
In every great movie the hero is alone in the desert for awhile.
Nos_G
I used to be in the same boat op, but you don't need others to validate your existence.
Just do what you love and genuine people will befriend you.
Keep making connections and being social, that is all there is to it.
Zombine
This is the only one that confuses me. While social interactions with co-workers is nice, the ultimate goal at work is to do your job, get paid, and network a bit so you can move onto your next job. When I find a job I'm not thinking "I hope I meet some lifelong friends!" But instead I think "hopefully these people aren't lazy douchebags. I hope I am joining a productive team." Sounds like your work priorities are a tiny bit backwards.
Other than that, I'm sorry you feel that way dude. Sounds like you do have some stuff to be thankful for like the smash night, you just need to put more effort into seeing what you do have versus what you don't.
DeathyBoy
Maybe the friendships weren't legit, but dude... I've been down this road, and it's almost always fueled by paranoia and anxiety and ends badly. You think people don't like so you become distant and thus create a self-fulfilling prophecy,
Here's my best advice - if you must overthink, and I still do, realise that people have a choice. People aren't your friend for the sake of it, that's not how friendship works. So maybe it's worth asking what they're up to sporadically. I know from university I wouldn't see friends for a while sometimes, and then turn up at their place and end up going out for an all-nighter with them.
Friendships are weird, but they're not rooted in logic or behavioural patterns so much as illogical magic.
Reule
I have felt that way. I've probably lost about two groups of good friends to both time and possibly similar incidents you may have gone through with this girl and her boyfriend. Up until about four or five months ago, I'd see see old friends talking about how they're getting together to do this and that but I'm never invited. Judged for whatever reason or maybe they didn't consider I'd want to do x or y activity.
Things ended up changing and I made friends with a couple of people. Ended up getting introduced to their friends and now I have a good amount of people I can ring up to have some fun. I'm not sure if I'm at that level where I'd say most of them are true and honest friends but it's enough.
Only advice is to persevere through the loneliness and not expect much of anyone. The latter I really stress because it's honestly very hard to expect someone to return the same feelings and or put forward the same effort you hope for in any kind of relationship. Keep it casual and just keep trying. Maybe you get something more, maybe you don't. Even if you do, just enjoy your time with said people because things can always change. There are plenty of people in the world to meet and share experiences with.
Fudgepuppy said:
The quoted sounds like good stuff for you. I wish you the best in the job-hunt!
My advice would be not to think too much about it. Just be yourself and look for other opportunities to join in.
Your story resembles mine at the time. As time goes by (turning 32 now) I have noticed that I am not in the centre of the social circle as much as before. I used to be the very much social out-going guy.
But times change, and yeah...so does people.
I know that my company is appreciated in certain circles. Yours seem to be too.
That's the circles and company you should take part and engage in.
FluxWaveZ
You don't sound completely alone at all. Try to appreciate the social life you have now instead of just focusing on that which you don't.
I know how you feel Bro. If it help, just know that you are not alone.
FluxWaveZ said:
Of course, it's just catching up to me that all the friends I had a year ago, now ignore me and don't want to invest anything into me.
Deified Data
Sounds refreshing. Enjoy the solitude, OP. It rarely lasts long enough.
Verelios
Let me just say OP that I went through a similar phase. Eventually you realize thst life is too short to care, you're going to be dead so you won't even be able to say Fuck You guys from beyond the grave...there's no benefit to worrying about it. Do you.
Friends come and go, let you down and raise you up, but you're always going to have to live with yourself. So if you let yourself down or raise yourself up, that's on you, not anyone else. Have some confidence and self-respect;friends aren't obligated to be kind to you and if they aren't, fuck them. People who want to be with you will. But you have to be comfortable with yourself.
thefit
KALIFORRRNIA
Get a romantic partner, no better friend than your life partner.
Gridman
Neo Member
I understand your feeling. I've had many groups of friends over the years and rarely would I get invited. People in those groups would come over to someone I was talking to and make it a point to specifically invite that person while not acknowledging me. It bothered me for a long time until I've come to expect nothing from anyone. I have one close friend that invites me to do stuff and I would rather have that one friend that cares than a group that really doesn't. It's all a matter of perspective. I'm happy this way. I'm just not a very likeable person and I've accepted that.
Long story short, this is your life. Live it how you want and if others want to come along for the ride then great. If not, fuck em.(not literally. It's a figure of speech.)
Keysersoze
söze@ubuntu
No chance of a elaboration on this? it sounds like they want to distance from you for this. It must of been pretty bad.
Keysersoze said:
Yeah. I just noticed this part too.
What did you do OP?
freenudemacusers
So last year I did something wrong to a friend of mine, I'm not going to go into detail about it for her sake, but things got weird. Her boyfriend used to be my go-to friend, but because of this, she started going to other friends, and because of that, I've become forgotten.
Dabanton
People can smell try hards.
You sound like you're already doing social things. Acquaintances and then maybe friends will come.
Do you use social media? I know a lot of people on Gaf hate Facebook and Instagram but for knowing what's going on and even just getting to know people you meet a bit better,before you see them face to face again, it's a good tool.
Also it's good to see what mutual friends you have in common. That can lead to a lot of invites.
freenudemacusers said:
Yeah I wished he expanded on that. If it was something creepy maybe word got around...
Herbspiceguy
Rotterdam area, the Netherlands
Time to do some soulsearching. Stop self pity, become your own best friend, put yourself first and life will follow.
Focus on feeling grateful for what you do have and, in contrast, what you don't have won't seem so important. Isolation can be incredibly useful, or not, depending what you make of it. You'll have more free time in any case. Try to better yourself and the world, or just indulge in fun or something
My bf and I also host a game night, and every couple of weeks we go to a game night centered around fighting games. But the way they're hosted make for completely different nights.
Our game nights
I cook food for everyone.
During dinner, we watch comedy (food and controllers don't mix).
Games revolve around multi player games and taking random turns with fighting games.
Jokes and conversation are always going on.
Every one who attends is considered a friend, and goes beyond our weekly gathering.
The Fighting game night
No food, no drinks - its all bring your own. It's later at night so most people don't.
It's focused on fighting games and people bring additional consoles, monitors, and fight pads.
Every one rotates around to play different games and different people.
Occasionally, they'll do a tournament style rounds on the big screen.
It's focused on bringing the fighting game community together in the area to practice.
Yes there's chatter and fun times, but its not about friendships. Everyone comes and then goes their separate ways.
If you want your game nights to be about friends, make the focus about friends and not just playing smash bros. Play different stuff, have conversations and jokes, make it a social event and not so much game focused. We always let friends bring in new people. And just make it a place to unwind once a week.
And work is not a social gathering. Yes, you can have friendly chatter around the water coller, but it doesn't go beyond that. There's very few companies out there that you'll have a close tight knit family of co-workers that socialize beyond working hours. Work stays at work, home stays at home. Don't mix the two (especially in the first year of working).
Darkman M
You don't need friends bro do you, focus on the people who really care for you, focus on getting a career, and focus on your mind and body.
Almost everyone I've talked to about what I did, say that it wasn't so bad, but because of how this girl is, and the circumstances of her life, it was much harder for her than it would've been to anyone else.
I have apologized profusely, she has said that she forgives me and still wants me as a friend, but I think that has changed over time. I've talked about this with several people, and everyone thinks I shouldn't beat myself up because what I did wasn't so horrible and because I have really made amends for her.
Don't want to go into specifics, but the situation involves her getting really drunk and lying in a bathtub with the water running. I opened the door and turned off the water to make sure she didn't hurt herself. I didn't touch her, I didn't see her as I pulled the curtains, but it feels weird to her, which I completely understand.
...oh, yeah, that was a nice thing to do. And also pretty weird. No one else there?
Terra said:
Dabanton said:
So yeah, I invaded her privacy when she wanted to be alone, because I was worried about her. I'm not proud of it in hindsight, but I didn't do anything to her. Worst part to her is probably that I didn't say I was sorry for months because I was so stupid and thought "well we were both pretty drunk".
Ultima_5
Start dating and take her friends
| Praxis |
You can't expect to work somewhere and have people actually care for you. You should try factory work and see how far that goes. In a lot of jobs people just want to do their time and get the fuck out. Try not to take it personally. Hope things work out.
Friend groups tend to be pretty flexible, especially early in life. I can tell you that I don't have the same friends I did ten years ago or even five.
If they aren't willing to put in the work to be your friend, they're not worth your time.
I don't get it. she was taking a bath or what? you walked in on her naked?
She was drunk out of her mind, went to the bathroom, undressed and lied in the tub with the water running, face down. People started getting worried, I went in there, saw her naked, quickly pulled the curtains, reached in, turned off the water and dropped a towel over her.
There wasn't a female that could have done that?
| Praxis | said:
There was.
As said, I'm not proud of this. I'm still horribly ashamed, especially because of what she went through.
John Kowalski
among the creatures of the night
Welcome to Loneliness!
This doesn't make any sense to me. Why would you be ashamed of saving her from potentially drowning?
Seraph_Nicholas
I'm in a similar situation. Was musing to myself a few weeks ago that this entire year has been a bonfire of bridges.
Just means the place I'm in is tapped out. Time to move to Tacoma, or Seattle, or maybe the lady and I will actually try for that year in New York we discussed.
Friendships are like any relationship. You (should) give the best you can, and hope to receive the same. If it doesn't work out, then sometimes you need to shoot the whole mess in the head and leave it.
dream said:
The plug wasn't in, so she couldn't have drowned, but I didn't know that just hearing the water running.
All you did was see her naked. No biggie, imo.
This doesn't sound mortifying when considering how others would perceive you for this. It's natural she'd be embarrassed. It's also difficult to make any meaningful judgement on the situation without knowing further context (which no-one should expect you to provide).
Getting it out there is a fine thing to do; it sounds like it's been rough recently but that by no means has to be the long-term trend. All the best with your job hunt!
echoshifting
Exactly. How could you know? Nobody else was doing anything. I don't think you should beat yourself up about this so much.
You had the best intentions, but at the same time I can see how somebody would find that awkward when there were other options. It was a mistake, if she can't get over it forget about them. I'm sure a friend worth keeping would understand your point of view.
echoshifting said:
Because it obviously made his friend uncomfortable and he wishes he hadn't made her uncomfortable? I mean i'm no rocket scientist but OP seems like that kind of dude.
It gets easier OP, don't worry. Come join us as parody gaf and you'll see how much better it is to have absolutely no friends at all.
breakfuss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAyKJAtDNCw
Griss
Yeah, it sucks. Similar thing happened to me. I'm a fairly level-headed guy so I just assumed I'd bounce back socially and didn't let it freak me out, but it's coming up on 9 years now with no friends and no social life, so I guess in hindsight it was a big deal.
Try and avoid that, which means putting some effort in to make new friends. I hope you have more luck than me.
pgtl_10
I feel for the op. I feel the same way that people are alienated by me.
sixteen-bit
OP, are you male?
Most adult males don't have friends.
Goldfishking
sixteen-bit said:
lol what? That is definitely not true.
Summer Haze
Who told you this?
ReadingRambo
You mean all those Bud Light commercials are lying??
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Kamina


"Going back to school cost me $1,100 and being homeless," said Elliot Scott.
There are moments when James Knudson forgets his younger brother, John Knudson, is dead.
Juneau residents once again qualify for "rural" federal housing loans from the Department of Agriculture.


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Save on your next Cape Cod, Massachusetts vacation by booking one of the Manager's Specials from Surfside Hotel & Suites. These awesome hotel deals feature beach side accommodations and apartments at great rates, with complimentary breakfast, free parking, outdoor heated saline pool, a private beach, and a wealth of resort amenities. And, we are located just one mile from McMillan Pier and Boston Fast Ferry!
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Portland's river advocacy group the Human Access Project (HAP), host the annual summer Big Float. Now they're screening the 1951 movie Kon-Tiki, to launch a fundraising campaign Thursday, December 7 at the Hollywood Theatre (6:30), 4122 NE Sandy Blvd.
Kon-Tiki features actual footage of the life-or-death journey Thor Heyerdahl and a small crew made in 1947 on a homemade balsa raft from Peru to Polynesia, all to show a disbelieving world it could be done. The extraordinary feat changed world opinion on ancient migration.
The film won the Academy Award for Best Documentary in 1951. Following the screening, there's an after-party with complimentary Kona beer, Fire and Stone Restaurant pizza, music, dancing, and conversation held nearby at Popina Swimwear East, 2030 NE 42nd Ave. .
With its advocacy work to create beaches and greater river access in downtown Portland, and with The Big Float it puts on every year, HAP is showing you can change your world whether on a raft, innertube or theater seat.
See one of the most amazing raft voyages in human history on the big screen. Tickets are $9 and available at hollywoodtheatre.com. Learn more about HAP at humanaccessproject.com.


Unfortunately there are many who have tried to profit off of v. Stephanitz' hard work by copying his book. Here is a list of books that either are knock-off version of the book or suspected of being knock-off versions.
This version of the book which is commonly sold though online venues is highly suspected of being a knock-off of v. Stephanitz' book. The title itself is called "The German Shephard Dog in Word and Picture" (note: misspelled "shephard" and not "shepherd" – some versions corrected this). While previews of the book look very similar there are many reviews out there that say this is NOT his book. This book routinely sells for a lot less than legitimate modern copies new.


Bust your stash with these 12 strip quilts; perfect for those larger pieces of leftover fabric that you aren't sure how to use. Confidently pair fabric prints using no-fail strategies! The popular quilter behind GE Designs shares quick, yet impressive patterns sure to appeal to both traditional and modern quilters. Complete with helpful charts and illustrations, these beginner-friendly designs each come in two or more sizes.
12 projects, 111 color pgs.


text:
Jeanie Buss, Barbara Boxer, John Ridley and Other LA Leaders Explore Intimate Conversations with Val Zavala in Second Season of TOWN HALL LOS ANGELES Premiering October 4 on KCET
Allison Gray
agray@kcet.org / 747.201.5298
Visionary Thinkers Reflect the Essence of Los Angeles;In Collaboration with Town Hall Los Angeles
Val Zavala with Barbara Boxer, John Ridley and Jeanie Buss | Photos Courtesy of KCET
kcet.org/townhall
BURBANK, Calif. – September 5, 2017 – KCETLink Media Group, a leading national independent nonprofit public broadcast and digital network, announced today the return of TOWN HALL LOS ANGELES in collaboration with Los Angeles' oldest and largest public speaker's forum Town Hall Los Angeles with a goal of giving access and timely insights into California solutions with a world view. The goal of TOWN HALL LOS ANGELES is to present cutting edge solutions, visionary thinkers and intriguing stories from the worlds of technology, medicine, the economy, social justice, the arts and more. Through exclusive, intimate discussions with KCET's SOCAL CONNECTED anchor Val Zavala, top industry experts offer their perspectives and solutions to regional, national and international matters.
KCET, the nation's largest independent public television station, plans to premiere the series on Wed., Oct. 4 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET in Southern California. While Link TV, available nationwide to all subscribers of Dish Network (channel 9410) and DirecTV (channel 375), will be premiering the series on Thurs., Oct. 5 at 8 p.m. ET/PT. Following its successful debut last year on KCET, TOWN HALL LOS ANGELES continues to provide viewers insight on a variety of issues that affect Southern California from people at the forefront of their respective fields. During the taping of each episode, KCET's Facebook followers participated by asking questions for each of the TOWN HALL ANGELES guests.
The series will be telecast as follows (subject to change):
Jeanie Buss, President/Governor of the Los Angeles Lakers Organization
– Wed., Oct. 4 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET/ Thurs., Oct. 5 at 8 pm ET/PT on Link TV
Barbara Boxer, Former United States Senator for California
– Wed., Oct. 11 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET/ Thurs., Oct. 12 at 8 pm ET/PT on Link TV
Kevin Demoff, COO and EVP of Football Operations for the LA Rams
Manuel Pastor, USC Professor of Sociology, American Studies & Ethnicity
Dr. Maja Mataric, USC Professor of Computer Science, Neuroscience & Pediatrics
– Wed., Nov. 1 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET/ Thurs., Nov. 2 at 8 pm ET/PT on Link TV
Susan Burton, Founder of A New Way of Life (ANWOL) Re-entry Project – Wed., Nov. 8
Chris Hughes & Natalie Foster, Facebook Co-Founder & Co-Founder of Peers.org
– Wed., Nov. 15 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET/ Thurs., Nov. 16 at 8 pm ET/PT on Link TV
Marqueece Harris-Dawson & Jennifer Ito, Councilmember to the 8th District of LA & Research Director at USC's Program for Environmental and Regional Equity
Adam Steltzner, JPL Chief Engineer for the Mars 2020 Project
– Wed., Dec. 6 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET/ Thurs., Dec. 7 at 8 pm ET/PT on Link TV
John Ridley, Oscar Winning Filmmaker
– Wed., Dec. 13 at 9 p.m. ET/PT on KCET/ Thurs., Dec. 14 at 8 pm ET/PT on Link TV
Karla Ortiz & Lucy Herrera, Youth Organizer with the East Los Angeles Women's Center & Leadership Program Manager for Legacy LA, under the Youth Council Leadership Program
As the paramount gathering place for the past 80 years for industry leaders to share perspectives and influence change in the community, Town Hall Los Angeles is ranked among the Top 10 Leadership Forums in the nation. Town Hall Los Angeles provides a distinct and vital nonpartisan voice that helps the Southern California community become better informed on timely issues, breakthrough developments and innovative trends that impact the region's businesses, community and people.
Additionally, KCET.org will feature video-streaming of all broadcast episodes, as well as web-original content including clips and highlights with the speakers.
Join the conversation on social media using #TownHallLA
ABOUT KCETLINK MEDIA GROUP
KCETLink Media Group is a national independent, nonprofit, digital and broadcast network that provides high-quality, culturally diverse programming designed to engage the public in innovative, entertaining and transformative ways. With a commitment to independent perspectives, smart global entertainment, local communities, and opportunities for engagement and social action, KCETLink depicts people and the world through a lens unavailable elsewhere in U.S. media. A viewer-supported 501(c)(3) organization, KCETLink content is distributed nationally via satellite on Link TV DIRECTV channel 375 and DISH Network channel 9410 and on KCET in Southern and Central California via broadcast and cable, as well as through various digital delivery systems. For additional information about KCET and Link TV productions, web-exclusive content, programming schedules and community events, please visit kcet.org or linktv.org. Select programming from KCET and Link TV is also available for streaming on Apple TV, and Roku platforms.
Rebranding Press Materials
Press materials for PBS SoCal and KCET's announced rebranding effort that includes the launch of new logos and a creative refresh.
PBS SoCal and KCET announce a rebranding effort that includes the launch of new logos and a creative refresh both on-air and online.
Committed to Celebrating Diversity and Inclusion PBS SoCal and KCET Announce Robust Slate of Black History Month Broadcast and Streaming Content
Local and National Virtual Events Planned for Upcoming Two-Part PBS Series THE BLACK CHURCH: THIS IS OUR STORY, THIS IS OUR SONG From Executive Producer/Writer/Host Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr. With Goal of Increasing Community's Historic Awareness and Celebrating Gospel Music

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


The first time I heard Taylor Mali's "What Teachers Make" performed live, it wasn't by Mali. One of the other students in my undergrad program was a champion on our speech team, and he delivered a stunning performance.
Later, once Youtube arrived, I was able to watch Mali perform the piece as he intended. It was every bit as impassioned and dripping with personal experience as I imagined. I remember showing it to colleagues and shaking our heads knowingly.
Finally, someone was speaking out for us.
For many teachers, on their first encounter with the poem, discussion turns to its encapsulation of how misunderstood the profession has become.
For me, the poem itself has become a rallying cry for the conversation we need to have about the relics of the professional past to which we cling to proudly and the changes we might be too afraid to make.
Over the next few weeks, I'll be making some suggestions of possible sources of gifts for the teachers in your life. Some will be products for purchase. Some will be ideas of things to make. All of them will be meant to help remember teachers as worthy of thanks.
At each schools year's finish, I gave the same assignment. Rather than asking my students to write about what they'd learned in the school year as part of some essay that would be far from cherished and not have the time for attention as our other writing projects had, I had them write a letter.
The folder now lives on the bottom shelf of my bookcase. I think of its position as the foundation.
Then, I told my students about Mr. Curry, and how he taught me math in high school and also how to be a caring teacher. I told them about the e-mail I sent Mr. Curry once I was a teacher and realized how much of him was in my teaching. I told them about how he replied and told me it wasn't nice to make old men cry.
And they wrote. They looked up addresses to old schools, addressed envelopes, and sealed their letters inside.
If the teachers were from my school, I got to deliver them and watch as they were read. They were narrative report cards holding only the good stuff – moments of reminders that what they did mattered, and they hadn't screwed the kids up too badly.
Do that this holiday season.
If you're a parent, write a letter to one of your kid's teachers letting them know just how much you appreciate and honor the work they do each day to help your kid (a complete stranger) understand a little bit more about the world and their place in it.
If you're a teacher, write a letter to one of your colleagues letting them know you see how much they do for your students, your school and your faculty.
If you're a student, write a letter to a teacher telling them how they helped you learn.
Maybe you'll be the first entry in their Good Stuff folder.
One of the things I unexpectedly missed when I moved from teaching middle school to teaching high school were the little gifts from kids (read parents) around the holidays.
Something about a carefully chosen gift from the families I served meant I was doing okay.
Even when I was teaching older kids, it was special to get a card on the day before break with a few sentences letting me know I was cared for.
One family consistently included a gift card to the Trader Joe's up the block from SLA. More than once, those cards came in handy when I was out of cash or another student needed some money for a meal after school.
For me, any gift or card from a student or parent was a sign I wasn't in it alone, that the work I was doing meant a little bit more. It meant, when they sat down to think about who they felt compelled to appreciate, who I was in that student's life meant enough to be remembered.
When I was in school, I remember creating holiday gifts for my teachers with my mom. One year we bought each of them a coffee mug and made homemade hot chocolate mix. I think there was a tea towel thrown into the mix as well. As I got older, I didn't see why the gifts were important. They seemed childish or uncool. Still, my mom insisted, and I would hall a shopping bag full of small gifts in to dispense just before break.
When I was a teacher and my mom and sister Rachel prepared gifts for Rachel's teachers, I could empathize with what it meant to be remembered as someone worth receiving a gift. I got that it wasn't childish, but part of what we do when we want to say to others that they are worth our gratitude, worth our remembering.
Michael Gersen had a Thursday Washington Post piece dealing with the current Rick Perry/Michele Bachmann imbroglio around Bachmann's erroneous assertions about the HPV vaccine.
Given the amount of reading from classes that's filling my brain these days, I'm surprised the column made its way to my browser.
It wasn't even about education.
Except it was a bit.
I wish he hadn't done that.
As a comedian, I wish Gersen hadn't gone for the easy joke.
As a teacher, I wish Gersen thought about the negative unintended consequences for his direct or indirect audiences when arguing Bachmann's rhetoric could have negative unintended consequences for her direct or indirect audiences.
Sure, the current national tenor in talking about teachers hasn't exactly raised the bar of respect for those in the classroom.
The effects of words like Gersen's can ripple in several directions. but two possible ripples (I'll call them the ripples of greatest velocity) concern me the most.
In the first place, one liners or quips of the sort common from anyone looking to rough teachers up for their lunch money work to lower public expectations of teachers. In this instance, it was those people who choose to coach children or teach them the habits and mindsets of healthy citizens whose worth by perception was chipped away.
In a quick move, Gersen added his voice to those allotting permission and acceptance to the idea that any idiot can teach and those who do are the ones we trot out when we want to exemplify people we expect to know the least.
I have a rather low tolerance for ignorance, and some of the most thoughtful, intelligent people with whom I surround myself are teachers.
I doubt I'm alone in that.
Still, any time we orchestrate jokes featuring teachers as their butts, we work at cross purposes with making certain each teacher in the classroom is the best person we can get. Few people will be drawn to the job from which the public expects little. Few of the right people anyway.
If we are to stand behind the research showing an effective teacher as the most impactful factor in a student's education, perhaps we should start treating teachers with the respect proportional to that impact.
The second ripple of Gersen's remark, and those of the same ilk, that gives cause for concern is the erosion of good faith of the teachers doing the work Gersen implies is both simple and easy.
I've stood before an assembled class of high school students and facilitated discussions of sexual content in the texts we were examining. That alone was a mine field of possible pedagogical missteps requiring constant awareness and dedication.
I can only imagine the awkwardness, resistance, frustration and discomfort inherent in engaging a room of adolescents in a frank discussion of their sexual health.
Put to health teachers next to one another and I want the one who's been repeatedly made aware we expect the highest standards of care and knowledge as she works to prepare the students in her charge for the increasingly complex interpersonal world they'll come to know. Give me that any day over the teacher who reads continual negations of the importance of her knowledge and professionalism. The teacher who has come to realize America's not expecting much from her as a practitioner and caregiver.
The thing that happens to the latter teacher – the we should all worry about as the ripple effects of remarks like Gersen's – isn't that the teacher will leave the profession.
No, we should worry that she'll listen and realize we're not expecting much.
Then, it's no long walk to not expecting much from herself.
Earlier today, I was reading this Daily Kos column from Marie Corfield announcing and explaining her campaign for the New Jersey State Assembly.
I'm not sure what rock I was under when Corfield started making waves last September when she confronted Gov. Chris Christie.
Perhaps I was in my classroom teaching.
To get up to speed, I watched the video of Corfield and Gov. Christie's exchange.
While I am still no fan of Gov. Christie's rhetorical style, I did find part of his rhetoric interesting.
I can see how Gov. Christie sees it.
It almost sounds as though his explanation is expected to assuage Corfield's worries.
Strangely, had he been speaking of the leaders of some of the Philadelphia teachers' union, it might have come close to assuaging mine.
My first union meeting in Philadelphia felt like a bit of a repetitive kick in the groin of my idealism.
The union negotiates fair wages and equitable labor practices, secures health benefits and paves the road for the retirement or pension fund teachers work toward in exchange for salaries that continue to remain out of step with the services they provide.
In a profession where the easiest thing to do is lose yourself in what you give to your students, the union remained an anchor ensuring teachers didn't lose the pieces that kept them housed, fed and healthy.
This was the image in my head.
The picture that unfolded in the meeting of thousands of teachers was one unmindful of the best possibilities of what it meant to be part of the union. The tone was adversarial and the words were devoid of the passion for teaching.
My feelings at the end of it all existed somewhere between the cliché about never wanting to see how sausage is made and Grocho Marx's never wanting to join a club that would have him as a member.
I didn't turn away from the union after that, though it likely sounds as though I would have. I didn't even want to.
The truth of what I witnessed in the meeting was no greater than the truth behind the union securing a wage and pay scale long before I arrived in Philadelphia that made it economically feasible to move to and stay in the city. It was a truth no greater than the fact that the union worked to negotiate a sick bank so that district employees could invest their unused sick leave so that they or their colleagues were more secure should they be stricken with a chronic illness. It was a truth that couldn't overshadow our ability as a site union chapter to govern ourselves in a way that allowed for the structure and schedule necessary for SLA to work best for students and teachers.
Both truths existed and still do.
And this is the piece that makes the specificity of Gov. Christie's response mute in the ears of many teachers. While I'm certain many, if not all, teachers would denounce one local union head's urging of member to pray for the governor's death, when Gov. Christie lambasts the heads of the New Jersey teachers' union, that's not what members hear.
They hear the governor attacking those whom the teachers have elected to protect their salaries, the medical coverage of their families and the guarantee of fair working practices.
What's more, rhetorically speaking, when Gov. Christie allows those with whom he disagrees to dictate his tone, he chooses a road that makes it all but impossible to hear him as a statesman.
Sixty kids in a class strikes me as a lot.
On average, I teach about 30 kids at a time. In moments when the controlled chaos gets to be a little out of control, 30 feels like it could be 60.
If 60 ever got out of control (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) I suppose that would start to feel like 120.
I took the hypothetical bait and started playing out how I would teach in an chronically economically depressed inner-city school where the average class size was 60 students.
In my hypotheticals (and I'm guessing in GOP lawmakers hypotheticals) I'm not in that classroom.
Education is the largest chunk of combined state and local budgets, and teachers are the largest chunk of that chunk.
If you want to save money, eliminate the teachers.
And if you want to back up your argument, trot out selected passages from Christensen, Johnson and Horn's Disrupting Class. Not the whole book. Present only the pieces of their argument that sound like they back up your plan.
Cite budget deficits and slowly lay off the most junior of your teaching force. This will leave your most senior teachers with little patience and overflowing classrooms.
Some will stick it out, but many will decide things have gone too far and take an early retirement.
You won't have to worry about much standing in the way of finding reasons to fire the hangers on as you already broke collective bargaining when you destroyed the last vestiges of a collective.
You'd think you've saddled yourself with an ugly mess at this point, but this is where the truly beautiful part comes in.
Again, you'll have the benefit of bastardizing Christensen, Johnson and Horn.
For a fraction of a cost, say $25K each, you hire aides – half hall monitors, half data entry specialist – to oversee the computer labs with which you've outfitted your school buildings. Sixty kids to a room starts to sound like a low-ball estimate, so you start to schedule kids in shifts, using the computer rooms around the clock – constantly overseen by what we'll label education accountants.
It looks like there's a hole in the plan. All the capital outlay for those computers is going to set you back.
Some multi-billionaire benefactor will step in and his foundation will donate the proprietary technology to stock your learning centers.
It will be a happy coincidence the students in your learning centers develop an unquestioning brand loyalty to the corporation founded by your multi-billionaire benefactor in his previous life.
It will be another happy coincidence that the proprietary brand loyalty will quietly suffocate the open source movement that threatened the corporate donors who filled your re-election coffers.
So, you'll have your closed system. You'll eliminate your greatest cost, you'll increase learning production, you'll increase consumer production (the production of consumers), and you'll find a place for most of the young people from your electorate.
Most of the young people.
You won't be eliminating all teaching positions or schools. The private options will still exist.
You'll send your kids there.
Your donors will send their kids there.
The best teachers from the old model (many of them likely the most seasoned) will fight tooth and nail to cling to the profession they love. They might disagree heartily with the new way of doing things. You don't have to worry about that. They're not a collective anymore, so their voices will be mere whispers on the wind.
So, your children and your donors' children will be educated. The public option will fit the needs of your electorate. You'll eliminate the majority of your budget deficit. And, all will be right with the world.
In the early days, you'll hear grumblings from the disenfranchised about the morlocks and the eloi, but such hesitancy is to be expected in times of great innovation.


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The 2021 E. Maynard Adams Symposium for the Humanities: What Should the Work Ethic Mean in a Twenty-First Century Capitalist Society?
« The Judgment and In the Penal Colony by Franz Kafka – SOLD OUT
The 2021 E. Maynard Adams Symposium for the Humanities: What Should the Work Ethic Mean in a Twenty-First Century Capitalist Society? »
The fourth symposium in honor of distinguished UNC philosopher Maynard Adams (1919-2003) will feature keynote speaker Elizabeth Anderson,
the John Dewey Distinguished University Professor, John Rawls Collegiate Professor, and Arthur F. Thurnau Professor
in the Philosophy Department at the University of Michigan.
Professor Anderson's writings explore how people can improve their value judgments and how emotions contribute to knowledge and democratic debates. She is also interested in the ethical components of economic activities and the nature of workplace hierarchies. She has examined such issues in her book Private Government: How Employers Rule Our Lives (And Why We Don't Talk About It) and in numerous articles and other books. Professor Anderson's analysis of human work continues to shape her current research on the history of egalitarianism since the seventeenth century.
Drawing analytical perspectives from philosophy and ethics as well as history, Professor Anderson exemplifies the engagement with public issues that was important to Maynard Adams and that frames the conversations at each Adams Symposium. How do we understand the meaning of the "work ethic" as economic systems evolve with new technologies and with workers whose labor often takes place "remotely"? Does contemporary capitalism influence workers' lives in ways that resemble or differ from the influence of economic systems in the past? These are the kinds of social and historical questions that this Symposium will explore through the perspectives of ethics and philosophy.
The 2021 Adams Symposium resumes after a forced hiatus during the first weeks of the pandemic, but it will take place as a first-ever virtual webinar via Zoom. The Symposium begins with Professor Anderson's keynote lecture at 5:30 pm on Friday, April 16. Her talk is entitled "What Should the Work Ethic Mean for Us Today? Reflections on Contemporary Capitalism," and it will be followed by questions from the audience. Panels of faculty colleagues and public humanists will also respond to Professor Anderson's themes during a continuation of the webinar on the next day, April 17, between 9:00 am and 12:30 pm.
Friday, April 16 (5:30-7:00 pm) – Keynote Address by Dr. Elizabeth Anderson via Zoom webinar
Saturday, April 17 (9:00 am-12:30 pm) – Panel discussions with UNC faculty and public humanists via Zoom webinar
The Adams Symposium is free and open to the public, but registration is required for access to each of the Zoom webinar sessions. The Zoom links to access each session will be emailed to you approximately two weeks before the event.
Click here to register for Professor Anderson's Keynote Address on Friday, April 16 at 5:30 pm
Click here to register for the Panel Discussions on Saturday, April 17 at 9:00 am
Carolina Public Humanities thanks the Taylor Charitable Trust, the College of Arts and Sciences, and the Philosophy Department for generously supporting this year's Maynard Adams Symposium.
https://support.zoom.us/hc/en-us/articles/201362033-Getting-Started-on-Windows-and-Mac


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The Declaration of Table Mountain – A Free Press Higher on the African Agenda
An arsenal of pernicious legislation is at the disposal of governments the world over when it comes to suppressing independent media, but the toolbox of legal devices is seldom more complete or readily deployed than on the African continent.
Photo courtesy of AFP.
One of the most widely used - and frequently abused - elements of justice is criminal defamation, deployed by governments from Algiers to Pretoria, Dakar to Mogadishu when it comes to suppressing information and silencing critical journalism.
At its 2007 World Newspaper Congress in Cape Town, South Africa, WAN-IFRA identified criminal defamation and 'insult' laws as amongst the most severe obstacles to securing the future of the independent press in Africa. By endorsing the Declaration of Table Mountain, WAN-IFRA engaged in leading a long-term strategic campaign to see the repeal of such legislation across the continent, a vital step towards democratisation that would expose African governments to greater accountability and public scrutiny through the organ of a free and independent press.
Across the continent such laws are used to criminalise journalists, close publications, and stifle information otherwise considered crucial to safeguarding the public interest. Research into the number of cases based on criminal defamation prior to the 2007 Declaration, conducted on behalf of the World Press Freedom Committee - an international coalition of press freedom organisations of which WAN-IFRA is an active member - revealed an alarming frequency that severely hampers the press in its ability to cover issues of public concern.
Reporters covering corruption involving public officials, the conduct of police or military personnel, government policy decisions, public spending, even the health of kings or presidents, continue to be systematically hauled before the courts and tried for defamation. Journalists, editors and publishers across the continent who resist the enormous pressure to self-censor and instead choose to tackle these so-called 'red lines' head-on in the pages of their newspapers risk charges of endangering national security, destabilising the country, and - in extreme cases - treason. As a result they are frequently imprisoned for exposing the truth, and even in cases where financial compensation is deemed appropriate recompense for the plaintiff, exorbitant fines often far outweigh the actual damage inflicted. Assets are seized, publications are forced to close, and in many cases the accused risk jail if they are unable to pay. In brief, criminalising defamation deters investigative journalism and significantly reduces the capacity of the press to fulfill its role of public watchdog, and as a result African leaders can – and do – enjoy virtual infallibility.
The impact of such an approach can be witnessed in a recent case from Zimbabwe. In a country in which transparency is lacking in virtually every walk of life, it is perhaps no surprise to learn that Zimbabwe has a very active judicial system when it comes to harassing the critical press. A recent article published in The Standard weekly newspaper owned by independent publishing house Alpha Media Group, highlights the extent to which authorities will go to punish investigative journalism. A story that alleged the police were recruiting war veterans loyal to the ZANU-PF party of President Robert Mugabe to take over senior posts ahead of next year's elections led to the arrest of reporter Nqobani Ndlovu on 17 November 2010. He was charged with allegedly making defamatory statements and released after spending nine days in a Bulawayo prison.
That a journalist could be incarcerated without trial is disturbing enough, but subsequent developments and the escalation of the affair show precisely why criminal defamation law has become one of the most frequently used forms of protection for authorities with something to hide. Initially, Mr Ndlovu was to be charged with contravening Section 96 of the Zimbabwean Criminal Law (Codification and Reform) Act related to criminal defamation, with any conviction leading to two years' imprisonment, a fine, or both.
However, he now faces an additional charge under Section 31 of the same Act, which deals with the publication of falsehoods prejudicial to the state. If convicted he could face up to 20 years in prison. On 30 November, The Standard's editor, Nevanji Madanhire, was also arrested and charged with breaching the same section of the Act.
"The arrest of Nqobani Ndlovu is a big blow against the return of confidence in Zimbabwe as far as press freedom and freedom of expression is concerned," said Trevor Ncube, Chairman of the Alpha Media Holdings Group in a statement to WAN-IFRA. "However, we are not intimidated but emboldened to continue informing the public in a professional and ethical manner," he affirmed.
WAN-IFRA's Declaration of Table Mountain campaign goes beyond the repeal of criminal defamation and aims to have a free and independent press placed far higher on the political agenda of African governments. The link between an active and independent press, free from government interference and intimidation, is a key step along the road to economic, political and social development and is seen as a must for any state with even the mildest of democratic pretensions.
There are many steps along the road to achieving this involving local, regional and international organisations working in partnership both on the ground and in the corridors of power across the continent. Amending the African Peer Review Mechanism, a mutually agreed self-monitoring instrument for African Union member states when it comes to reviewing governance, to include press freedom as part of its assessment criteria is one of the major goals for the coming months. WAN-IFRA's Declaration of Table Mountain campaign fits directly with this aim and has been gathering steady momentum at every level of the debate. After intense lobbying and direct contact with policymakers and government representatives, the NGO forum of the African Commission for Human and Peoples' Rights proposed a resolution on defamation that was adopted by the Commission in November. The resolution will be a genuine tool in the armory when it comes to addressing heads of state on their commitment to a free and independent press, providing initiatives like the Declaration of Table Mountain - when it comes to engaging the media, civil society and progressive political voices alike – with the real possibility of delivering meaningful, long-lasting and effective change.
Join the DTM campaign www.declarationoftablemountain.org
For more information on the situation in Zimbabwe visit The Media Institute of Southern Africa www.misa.org
Declaration of Table Mountain
Andrew Heslop
Director, Media Freedom
WAN-IFRA (FR) | Paris, France
E-Mail: andrew.heslop@wan-ifra.org
WAN-IFRA's Declaration of Table Mountain is an earnest appeal to all Africans, particularly those in power, to recognise that political and economic progress flourishes in a climate where the press is free and independent of governmental, political or economic control. Read more ...
In countless countries, journalists, editors and publishers are physically attacked, imprisoned, censored, suspended or harassed for their work. WAN-IFRA is committed to defending freedom of expression by promoting a free and independent press around the world. Read more ...
RAP21 - African Press Network
The African Press Network (RAP21) is a digital network that supports a strong independent press throughout Africa by sharing, distributing and exchanging information between newspaper publishers, editors, journalists and human rights advocates. Read more ...


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Q: Inheritance private method and public Let 's say I have base class A and subclass B that extends it
Class A got:
protected int doStuff(List<String>list)

In B which method can override this method without errors?
protected long doStuff(List<String> l)
private int  doStuff(Collection<String> c)
public final int doStuff(List<String>l)
protected int doStuff(list1, l2)

I think it's the public final one but I'm not sure.
I had this question today in an exam

A: 1. protected long doStuff(List<String> l)
The returned type is different (long instead of int). This is not overwriting the initial method.
2. private int  doStuff(Collection<String> c)
You can't reduce the visibility of the inherited method. Plus, the argument is different. This is not overwriting the initial method.
3. public final int doStuff(List<String> l)
The returned type is the same, the argument type is the same. The method visibility is different, but as public visiblity is greater than protected, it will works. This is the correct answer.
4. protected int doStuff(list1, l2)
The number of argument is different. This is not overwriting the initial method. (Note there is no type specified for the arguments, so this method prototype is also not valid.)

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaStackExchange


Most people get involved in a fitness program because they want to improve the quality of their lives. Since a suitable state of mind geared for health improvement already exists, one might also consider other lifestyle changes, including weight loss when appropriate, better stress management, or quitting cigarettes.
Smoking cessation is particularly difficult, and there are as many different methods to quit smoking as there are smokers, from acupuncture to antidepressants. Whatever the option one chooses to quit the use of tobacco, one thing is certain: no method works unless the person is ready to quit. A good starting point is to prohibit oneself from smoking in any enclosed location, such as at home or in the car. Making it less convenient to light up reduces the number of units smoked, and the decline in the re-breathing of indoor smoke particles is an added bonus. Restraining any and all smoking from common areas such as one's home may also make it easier if only one of the spouses from a couple that smokes, wishes to quit.
Since smoking is such an entrenched addiction, the brain will find inexhaustible excuses for a person to continue to "enjoy" nicotine, such as, using it to "soothe" the nerves because one has had a hard day at work. If you need a plan to quit, you can try a rigid program that limits the number of cigarettes allowed on a twenty-four hour period, reducing it by a pre-determined number. For example, try decreasing the total number of cigarettes smoked, reducing the daily maximum each week by one, thus avoiding many of the symptoms of withdrawal. If you can't make it on your own, ask your doctor about oral medications or patches to help you quit. Remember that smoking is a major risk factor for osteoporosis.
Weight loss is one of the main incentives for obese people to exercise, and there are varied explanations for the weight loss observed. Not only does an exercise routine burn calories at a higher rate, but it will also decrease hunger for one to two hours afterwards; therefore, finishing one's fitness program just before dinnertime is a natural appetite suppressant and an added bonus to any weight loss program. Exercises also reduce anxiety and the need to consume 'comfort foods," and it may help stabilize blood sugar levels.
Don't get hung up on what the bathroom scale shows when you start a fitness program. It is not uncommon for a person to lose one or two pounds of excess fat per week while exercising, but some fluid retention or loss may occur at first, depending on the individual, and it may translate into inaccurate weight readings. Many times the scale does not accurately reflect the true health benefits gained from exercising because as fat is burned and muscles are strengthened, the body becomes denser, more compact, thus a person is more likely to notice a reduction in dress or pant sizes, rather than a huge amount of weight loss.
Life stressors are unavoidable, but the way we choose to deal with anxiety can be modified. Stress management is a term widely used but poorly defined; it essentially refers to one's ability to control and reduce the body's harmful reaction to life's negative events. For instance, stress can cause a massive release of potent chemicals, such as adrenaline and cortisol into the bloodstream with a significant impact on the heart, blood vessels, and the brain itself. Exercises, on the other hand, can be such powerful stress reducers that psychiatrists often recommend a fitness program as part of the therapy for people with mild depression, before embarking on a regimen of drugs.
Interestingly, women seem to be more susceptible than men to the positive effects that exercises have on mood, to the point that sudden discontinuation of daily exercises can cause symptoms similar to drug withdrawal, with generalized aches, fatigue, and depression. When appropriate, we recommend that both women and men continue to exercise the unaffected parts of the body after an injury, to avoid the withdrawal feeling from sudden exercise discontinuation. Exercising the upper part of the body in case of a leg fracture, or taking up swimming after a low back injury that prevents other aerobic routines, are examples of adequate fitness substitutions.
Pain and the profound physiologic effects exerted on it by exercises have been well documented, both in humans as well as animals. For example, athletes who get injured during a game may remain unaware of the severity of their condition until the competition is over. Endorphins are the small morphine-like molecules that are frequently cited as the brain chemicals responsible for this pain blockade but the scientific data is still wanting. Other substances may also be involved, including cortisol, the natural steroid hormone, which is released during fight-or-flight situations. Independent of which brain chemicals are responsible for exercise-induced analgesia, a fitness program remains one of the main therapies for chronic painful conditions, such as fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis.


"Angelito and I work together to overcome life's difficulties because we know that our kids are our treasures," Jenibe told us.
Before she joined our team at Work of Your Hand, the Filipina and her husband Angelito struggled to make ends meet because of how little income they earned from their work. The couple was often tempted to work in an undignified manner for the sake of their three kids.
Then the Filipina mother began sewing bags made out of recycled materials for Work of Your Hand. Whereas before, she could not afford food to feed her children, Jenibe's wage allowed her to provide for her family's needs.
But sadly, a lack of dignified employment was not the only obstacle Jenibe and Angelito faced—as is the case with millions of impoverished people worldwide.
Because Jenibe could not find affordable childcare for her children, she was forced to stop sewing for Work of Your Hand. We are grieved that such obstacles exist to parents who simply want to give their children the best upbringing they possibly can, and we are committed to creating a more just world where people in poverty have equal opportunity.
We are thankful that we met Jenibe and her family, and were blessed by her love for her children. Please join us in praying that God will provide for this family's needs and for all those who face obstacles to employment around the world.