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Mike Gray January 26, 2017 June 19, 2017 action, humor, James Bond
I bid a fond farewell to Timothy Dalton's Bond (which was excellent) and welcome Pierce Brosnan as the fifth James Bond in the franchise. I really enjoyed the Goldeneye N64 game in my youth, so I kind of know the broad strokes of this movie. But I'm also leery of it because it involves some sort of post-communist Russia techno-terrorist plot, and stuff involving computers in movies back in the 1990's is inevitably kind of stupid. (See: every movie made in the 1990's where computers and the "Internet" [back when we capitalized that word like it was a proper noun] were a main plot point.)
We open on a giant dam, where Bond is running like the wind with a harness strapped around him like it's a rope relay race. He stands at a precipice at the center of the dam and jumps off the darn thing, completing the most insane bungee jump I've ever seen. When he reaches near the bottom, he shoots a Batman-like grappling hook into the roof of a building and reels himself in. A title card helpfully explains that this is the Arkangel Chemical Weapons Facility in the USSR (so we know it's the past). From there, he uses a laser to get inside and he then drops onto some dopey soviet soldier on the toilet. He gets a little quip in before punching the dude out, then enters the facility proper. Man, this is just like the game.
With his Walter PPK, he snoops around and finds that this place is just crawling with Russian soldiers. He meets his partner in this little escapade, 006, and they go about the flip business of saving the world. Bond and 006 gain entrance to the labs and 006 shoots a scientist while Bond gains access to the chemical storage warehouse. I'm still surprised how much like the game this is, which goes to show what a quality game Goldeneye on the N64 was. Except you weren't supposed to shoot scientists unless they shot at you first. OK, back to the movie.
Bond sets charges on the vats while he and 006 say ironically casual Englishman stuff to each other. Russian soldiers blow the door and start a-shooting, and suddenly 006 isn't responding to James's quips. Seems that he's been captured and the Russian commander has Bond deactivate his bombs but the commander shoots 006 in the head anyway. So Bond says fuck it, let's just do whatever here and he plays a little jazz with the plan. Hiding behind an explosive rack of chemical tanks, he squeaky-wheels himself across the room. Bond turns on a conveyer belt and shoots a bunch of storage tanks out of their place, raining them down upon these Russian goofs. He flips and flops his way outside while racing towards a plane, wherein he smashes the dude flying it and they both take a tumble out of the moving plane.
Bond hops onto a motorcycle whose driver he just shot and drives towards the still-moving plane, which is heading towards a precipice. So far, the precipice count in this movie is at 2. As it goes over, so does Bond, who dives in mid-air towards it. He catches up to the plane in a way that's incompatible with the laws of physics, gets behind the throttle, and pulls the goddamn thing out of its dive. Bond soars through the air, a miniature model of the facility blows up, and that's the opening action sequence. It was OK, I guess.
"What's with me and precipices?"
Here's the opening credits sequence, and it's very 90's. But hey, the theme song is sung by the excellent Tina Turner! The song is "Goldeneye" (duh), and if you were alive and cognisant in the 1990's you would remember this tune, since it played on VH1 all of the time. A bunch of Soviet statues are danced on by naked ladies and it's a pretty weird credit sequence. A two-faced lady has a gun come out of her mouth and I'm wondering what the hell this is all about. It's like a Dali painting about the deconstruction of the Soviet Union. Anyway.
CUT TO a goddamn Aston Martin zooming down a twisty road and we're informed that it's NINE YEARS LATER but Bond hasn't aged a day. James is behind the wheel, scaring the hell out of the woman in his company. Some other lady pulls up next to him to do a dance of death with James on this road and of course we know Bond doesn't feel alive unless the risk of death is in play. So he and the lady in the Ferrari plays chicken with a truck, she spins out, and the music is wildly 1990's with its record scratches and electronica beats. While the woman in his car is scared out of her mind, Bond acts like they're on their way to lunch at a nice tea cottage. Ferrari and Bond keep driving recklessly for their own amusement, and a bunch of bikers–you know, those types that bike in groups like a bunch of kids on Power Wheels–get knocked down because fuck those guys.
His lady companion tells him to stop the goddamn car so he does, and then opens a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon that's in his center console because who gives a shit about drinking and driving when you're James Bond? Anyway, they make out. Of course.
Terrifying women turns Bond on because he's pretty much a serial killer.
CUT TO: some palatial hotel in Francy Land, where he hands his keys to some frog and sees the red Ferrari from his earlier death fantasy. He goes in and plays goddamn baccarat, which of course the Ferrari lady is also playing. He takes a seat across from her and Brosnan looks very Bond-like. She smokes a cigar (yuck), and Bond chats her up. They flirt like sociopaths and Bond continues to gamble like a lunatic. She gets pissed that she loses the hand and storms off but Bond goes right up to her and keeps up with the smooth talk because he's an animal. He orders a vodka martini (shaken, not stirred), and says the "Bond, James Bond," line while the lady provides the completely insane name Xenia Onatopp. I'm Russian by ethnicity and heritage, and Onatopp is not a Russian surname. But we need a sexually punny name for our Bond girls, after all. Anyway, some goddamn Russian admiral takes her away from Bond, so he says the rather dirty pun, "I like a girl who pulls rank," because yikes.
We then see some goddamn awful French mime show because this movie obviously finds the French silly, and Bond spies on Xenia and the admiral as they get into a motor boat. He takes pictures and sends them to his printer. Wait, what? It's 2017 and I can't even get anything to send remotely to my printer correctly. Anyway, he has the goddamn printer in his car while Moneypenny sends him some information about this crazy Xenia lady. CUT TO Xenia Onatopp having rough, crazy Russian sex with the admiral on the boat. She acts like she's turning into a werewolf. Anyway, she uses her legs to crush the admiral to death, which is pretty fucking crazy, and some disembodied hand takes the admiral's ID card from his jacket.
CUT TO Bond sneaking onto the boat the next day. He watches the powerboat speed away, and then he has a hand-to-hand combat fight with some Gilligan-looking motherfucker. And that's that? Because CUT TO some bullshit by the docks with a military band playing and the admiral's ID being used by somebody. These Russkies are doing a demonstration of some crazy new aircraft, and it looks like Bond is still on that other boat, snooping as usual. He finds the admiral's dead body in the closet and high-tails it out of there on a boat looking like he's in a fancy whisky commercial.
The sweet smell of success: The Macallan.
So the helicopter demonstration goes on, explaining that it's the height of aerial technology, while Xenia is on the carrier, where she shoots the two pilots that are going to do the demonstration. She dresses up in their gear and gets into the helicopter while Bond shows up trying to stop this crazy thing. But he's blocked by the guards and the helicopter is just stolen right off the carrier. Nice going, everybody!
We CUT TO some husky dogs pulling a sled and the Space Weapons Control Centre (English spelling, of course) in Russia. Hey, this was another level in the game! Neat. It's weird watching this movie after playing that game for so long. Anyway, in an underground bunker, there's a bunch of hi-tech computer stuff going on, and we are introduced to our next Bond Girl, a redheaded fox, and for some reason Alex Borstein (Lois from Family Guy) is also in this movie as a Russian! What the hell? Anyway, the redheaded fox has to deal with Boris the Creep for a password, and they talk about the Internet and e-mail like it's The Second Coming and their accents are atrocious. The way the internet is portrayed in the 1990's is also ridiculous. Stupid past! You had NO IDEA how crazy stuff was going to get! So Boris uses his silly fake computer tracing program and it's neither funny nor interesting. Redheaded Fox says fuck this noise while Boris goes outside for a cigarette.
That stolen helicopter lands at this base while Boris is outside and Xenia and Some Russian Dude hop out. Redheaded Fox pours herself a cup of coffee while they enter the facility. Turns out Some Russian Dude is Ourumov, head of the space division, and all of these goddamn Cossacks all snap to action when this dude shows up. They're going to test Goldeneye (HEY! That's the name of this thingy!), and it's some satellite bullshit that's happening. I don't know. This kind of stuff always trips me up in Bond movies because the exposition that lays out the villain's plan is always too quick to really catch while you're also writing in real-time.
Foxy Redheadovich espies some of this bullshit happening while trying to enjoy her goddamn coffee for once without Boris the Creep creeping on her all creepily. Ourumov then has Xenia blow everybody away with a machine gun and she is sexually aroused by slaughtering all of these people. Totally out of control, Bond movie. Anyway, Ourumov and Xenia activate the Goldeneye thingimajig and arm the weapon and it's just another missile in space as usual. Redheadovich drops a fucking spoon or something, which alerts Xenia, while some dying dude triggers the alarm. Redheadovich ducks into the ceiling vent, which Xenia again lustfully shoots at. Thinking it's all cool, they split while the space missile gets into position. Flying away on their stolen chopper, the Russian Air Force scrambles, but tough luck, comrade!
Back in Britain, Bond meets with a new Moneypenny, who's kind of sick of his shit at this point and calls him out on his innuendos, and then he goes in to see some other dude, who's also new. They start looking at the missing helicopter that satellites have found, and and hey! Dame Judy Dench is the new M! And she still is to this day! Good for her. Anywhoo, it's the regular blah blah exposition about Goldeneye, a Star Wars-like program (the 1980's American defense industry's satellite defense program, not the movie).
Having…flashbacks…to Moonraker!
We also see Foxy Redheadovich crawling out of a cabinet where she'd been hiding, so nice fake-out, movie. She sees everyone has been shot to ribbons and the Goldeneye space ray zaps the instillation in some sort of EMP-like shock, and everything 'splodes like it wouldn't if an EMP hit it, but Redheadovich just kind of cowers in the corner of the room so I guess she's OK due to movie magic. The fighter jets flying overhead also get fried and explode like a really bad special effect and one crashes into the satellite installation Redheadovich is hiding in. This also doesn't kill her, and neither does the scaffolding that starts to fall on her but stops just before her face arrives at Smash Town. She walks among the fire and dead bodies of the installation and tries to leave but finds herself stuck because the electronic doors are fried. Then she hears a noise in the ceiling and the roof collapses. Everything's a flaming wreck but she climbs up the steel girders to safety, ignoring that those girders would be insanely hot due to the fire everywhere. OK, movie.
Back at Bond HQ, Stuffy McTuffington tells Bond and M that the satellite's back up and they look down at the installation, which is now toast. They jib-jab about some satellite such EMP radiation surge etc. and I get it movie, you read a book once. Bond says that helicopter's involved in stealing the somesuch thingy and this is the kind of stuff in Bond films that I can't follow. Bond scans the installation and sees Redheadovich's heat signature, and we cut back to her finding those deux ex sled dogs.
Back at HQ, M and Bond exchange more exposition dialogue about what's going on in the plot. He and M have a drink because why the hell not and I wish I had a drink because I'm getting bored with this scene. M says you don't like me, Bond, do you? And Bond says of course not. But M gives him some shit for being a sexist holdover of the old days and I'm gonna send you off to your doom soon enough. Bond's like, point taken, and takes a sip of his bourbon. Anyway, M says don't be James Bond and go on a mission of vengeance, OK? And Bond finishes his drink and says fine, fuck, whatever.
At an office at Red Square, a bunch of Russkies are having their shitty brunch when Ourumov walks in. The council looks like a collection of marble busts and Ourumov says blah blah whatever, more goddamn exposition for the upcoming intrigue. They tell him that a survivor (Redheadovich) from the station must be found, and Ourumov says I'll go kill her, I mean find her. Back at HQ, Bond's having his regular meetup with Q for his new gadgets for this adventure, and I'm astonished at the continuity of one actor playing Q since From Russia With Love in 1963, Desmond Llewelyn. They check out his new car–a BMW Z3, which is a honey of a vehicle (although a convertible, which doesn't seem to be a good choice for a spy car). Q still doesn't find Bond's quips amusing, which is amusing as usual, of course. He also has a spy belt for repelling, a pen grenade, and a plane ticket to St. Petersburg. As usual, Q is pretty damn amusing and his workshop gets nuttier with each movie.
"I see you've gone completely barmy, Q. Good work."
In St. Petersburg, Bond meets his contact, who's a goddamn southern American because this franchise loves making fun of Americans from the south. He says stuff your secret code, but Bond says fuck you buddy, that's how we do things and holds him at gunpoint until he gives the secret code and (grossly) shows him his disgusting tattoo on his flabby old body. They then become pals, I guess. And hey! Redheadovich is in St. Petersburg, as well. Ah, economy of fiction, you never let me down.
Because Americans suck, the agent's car is all broken and he's trying to fix it. He also keeps calling Bond different variations of James (Jimmy, Jimbo, etc.), and man do I already not like this character. Anyway, Redheadovich goes to an IBM store (I've never seen one before, but I guess that's a Russian thing) and buys some laughably outdated computers. Goddammit, it turns out Boris the Creep is still alive, and they have a super-90's chat session. Remember when computers were beige? What an awful color for computers.
Back with The American & The Brit, they pull up to some shady doings to give them an ass-kicking courtesy of Her Majesty The Queen and Uncle Sam. And then we cut to Redheadovich in a church, where she's probably meeting Boris the Creep. And so she does–along with Onatopp!!! CUT TO: Bond infiltrating some sleazy club where he pulls his Walter PPK on, I don't know, some Russian jerkovich. But he gets the drop on him, too. And then there's this completely awful stage show going on where a bunch of Russian women are singing "Stand By Your Man" with the thickest accents possible. I'm pretty sure one of them is Minnie Driver. So Bond insults her and this fat-headed Russian named Valentine insults him and more blah blah happens. Bond needs a favor from him, and they laugh and laugh and Valentine starts shooting at his knees but Bond says look, I can make you some money. And then they're friends again. So Bond wants him to hook him up with Ourumov in exchange for helping Valentine ripping off some dudes in a C-4 explosives deal. Jeez o peez, more convoluted cloak and dagger stuff.
Back at Bond's posh hotel, he's supposed to be meeting Ourumov at some point but first he takes a dip. But someone enters his seemingly private pool while a sexy bass line plays. Who is it? Is it Onatopp? I bet it is! And…it is. Bond makes a terrible pun of "safe sex" and Onatopp starts going to town on Bond while acting like a sex badger in heat. Never stick your you-know-what in crazy, Bond! Anyway, she starts attacking him and squeezing his ribs with her thighs and acting like a complete animal. This is crazy even for a Bond movie. He flips her around and pulls a gun on her telling her to take him to Ourumov. She curses in Russian and is kind of a scary person in general.
As Batman once said, why are all the beautiful ones homicidal maniacs?
So Bond's driven to Ourumov's place and he quips away with Onatopp before karate chopping her into dreamland. At least the man-on-woman violence is done off-screen these days. Good job? Hey! I recognize this scene from the video game, too! It's a graveyard for old Soviet icons and the set design is pretty rad. Bond walks around with his Walter PPK drawn and hears a voice…a familiar voice. It's 006! That sneaky Pete! Only his face is all scarred up. Bond doesn't have a quip for this situation, and 006 is all bitter that things aren't the way they used to be, toppling regimes and fighting commies and such. He throws some shade at Bond for the heck of it and it turns out 006's parents were Cossacks and were destroyed after the war. So 006 started working for the British Secret Service. He also blames Bond for his scarred-up face which makes his new name Janus a great allusion to the ancient two-faced Greek god. Thanks, AP Literature! Anywhoo, Bond's shot with a knock-out dart and goes beddy bye.
Bond's waken up by Redheadovich screaming at him like a lunatic because they're tied to the stolen helicopter that is set to launch its missiles. James starts smashing buttons with his face, turning on the copter, and those missiles are coming right back towards them. Whoops! So James's handsome face gets a workout at he smashes the eject button with it. Their capsule launches into the air, the helicopter body blows up, and they descend just yards away. Bond makes a terrible quip about frequent flier mileage and frees Redheadovich, who kicks him and tries to run away as so many women have before. But before they can get too far, they're surrounded by soldiers who take them into custody.
They're brought to a dingy interrogation room and stand there like, what now? I also get to hear Redheadovich's name again so I can call her by the right name, and it's…wait for it….Natalya Proshinya? Prishivgna? Holy smokes, she said it so fast that I actually have to look it up. Natalya Simonova. That's her name. So Natalya starts telling Bond what she knows (pretty much what we've seen) and that Boris the Creep is a traitor. She's worried that they're going to kill her, and Bond says trust me, but come on, would you trust him? Some defense minister asks how Bond would like to die, and Bond is as flip as possible about all of this. The minister asks where the fudge is the Goldeneye device, and they go at it, and Natalya says you're both pretty, OK? And she also lets them know that it's Ourumov that stole the Goldeneye. The minister thanks her for the information, and then Ourumov comes in demanding that it's his investigation, dammit! And then he blows the guard and the defense minister away. He lets Bond know that the murder will be pinned on him, but Bond gives him five good reasons and a fist why that's just not going to happen. He and Natalya duck out of there and hey! This is another level from the video game! I remember that it was annoying because you had to make sure Natalya didn't die, which she always would because game AI sucked back then. Anyway, blam blam blam, run run run, you know how it goes. Natalya gets caught but Bond gets the hell out of Dodge because nuts to this, fellas. Natalya's thrown into the back of a car so Bond gets in a goddamn tank. This is another level from the game, and a really fun one too because you're driving a tank around blowing stuff up.
"Just a handsome man driving a tank through the streets, nothing to see here."
Even though it's a tank chase scene, it's still a car chase scene and I don't summarize those because what the hell else are you going to say? It's two parties in vehicles chasing each other. The tank is a nice variation, though, since it just smashes through everything. What happened to 007's BMW in this movie? Was it just in that one scene for product placement? Probably. I'll note this: he drives through a Perrier truck, which was pretty cool, and also catches a giant statue on top of the tank, which makes for a neat visual. Bond must have killed about 100 people in this chase so far. Ourumov–with Natalya in tow–get to a train station, and goddamn Onatopp is there too, smoking a big gross cigar. She's like the woman of my nightmares.
The train starts pulling out of the station and there's a really fancy car that they enter. Now all of the bad guys–Ourumov, Onatopp, and 006/Janus–are in one place, and Natalya looks pissed. 006 is not happy that Bond escaped alive and tells Natalya to take a seat. The exterior of the train is really cool-looking. Janus creeps out on Natalya. Bond drives his tank up the train line to barricade the train. Those are three unrelated sentences, but things are kind of jumping around at this point.
Anyway, they see the tank is blocking the track and Onatopp says, "He's going to derail us," with such sexy enthusiasm that you'd think this was what she was anticipating her entire life. But Bond just fires a shell at the conductor's car and stops the train because he's in a goddamn tank. Natalya runs for escape but it stopped by Ourumov while 006 finds himself at the end of Bond's gun. Now we have a stand-off between 006 at gunpoint and Ourumov holding Natalya at gunpoint. Then Bond tries to play head games to turn the two bad guys against each other. Onatopp is licking her lips like a sexual predator while Bond says kill the girl, who gives a turkey? So Onatopp and 006 run like hell while Bond turns around and blows away Ourumov to free Natalya. They're shut in the train while…a helicopter comes out of one of the train cars for 006 and Onatopp to escape.
Helicopter Train: Coming this Fall!
In the train, 006/Janus gives Bond the knowledge that he has three minutes to escape while Natalya tries to "hack" into something-or-other to figure out where Boris the Creep is. They duck out of the hole Bond made in the floor with his laser watch and the train blows up real good. Natalya asks if Bond destroys every vehicle he's in, and Bond says duh, of course. Then they start making out because I guess almost dying really gets the ladies going. Then we're in Cuba, and Bond's finally using the BMW! They both look like they're on their honeymoon, but that illusion is broken by a prop plane landing just in front of them. Who's this now? I'm hoping it's Q.
Dammit! It's that idiot American from back in St. Petersburg! He's dropping off a gift basket from Q. Why couldn't it just have been Q? Stupid movie. Anyway, he lets Bond–and us–know that America's CIA and FAA and etc. are on their side and will provide support. Great. When is this shit mission going to start? Idiot American takes Bond's cool car, unfortunately, and I guess that's a wrap for Bond's cool spy car again. What was that, 30 seconds of screen time?
On the beach, Bond looks pensively at the ocean and Natalya walks up to him in a two-piece and I really do think they're on their honeymoon. They have some sort of heart-to-heart about the awful part of Bond's job that's about killing people, and she has some sort of problem with this, but Bond's like I don't care, lady. Then they hate-kiss because that's how things work in Bond's universe, baby. LATER, they're snuggling in bed and she asks Bond if he meant what he said about not caring if Natalya lives or dies and he says of course I did, and this is somehow funny and flirty because they smooch a little more. Maybe I just don't understand how romance works.
Then they're flying a lane over some gorgeous terrain in Cuba (or wherever this was shot) towards the Goldeneye project thing that they have to stop. The green screen effect inside the plane isn't great, but the exterior shots are well-done. They keep flying and go round and round and round (PARK LIFE!). And then a goddamn missile shoots through one of their wings and they crash land on the water and into the jungle because I guess this is Indiana Jones now. Natalya's knocked the fuck out but Bond is fine, as usual. Then he decides to take a nap next to her.
But wrong move, James! Here comes a helicopter and the movie switches to Apocalypse Now-vision. Here comes insane sex murder machine Xenia Onatopp, who zips down and starts kicking the crud out of James. This woman is a truly terrifying creature. She starts crushing Bond with her thighs and Natalya tries to smash her but Onatopp is a cyborg or something. Fortunately, Bond shoots and kills the helicopter pilot, and when the helicopter starts to crash, Onatopp is wrapped up in the zip line and she's crushed against a tree. So goodbye, scary lady! I'll see you in my sex nightmares!
Sex Nightmare is a pretty good name for a punk band.
A gigantic satellite starts emerging from a lagoon, so Bond has finally figured out where the headquarters is for the Goldeneye operation. As they get ready to launch this crazy thing, I realize that this is yet another level from the game. I'm also impressed with how the Goldeneye N64 game faithfully reproduced the sets of this movie in the levels. That game ruled. This movie? Not so much.
Inside, 006/Janus spots Bond and Natalya snooping around and sends people out to kill them while he starts setting the satellite's coordinates to London. Bond and Natalya take fire and start sliding down the satellite dish, which looks pretty fun if you ask me. Well, minus the death drop at the center. Bond stops the fall with his feets and inside they start to launch the Goldeneye thing. I'm still not entirely sure how the Goldeneye EMP works since it seems impossible, but then again, realism was never this franchise's strong suit. Everyone inside starts going bonkers while Bond starts blowing everybody away. Natalya sneaks off to do some computer thing, I'm sure, and Bond very casually sends dozens of people off to their death, like he was waiting for his English muffin to pop out of a toaster. A bomb he sets starts ticking away as he's captured, along with flammable liquid that begins to drizzle all over the place like butter on an English muffin.
Bond is taken to 006/Janus and it's time for the evil villain monologue like usual. How I enjoy these. It's even better because it's personal between the two, and Janus starts asking how Q is, which is polite, but since he was a secret agent he also knows that he can deactivate any bomb Bond has set with the secret agent watch. Turns out this whole garbage was about extracting money from the Bank of England into their own account and then frying the mainframe with the Goldeneye EMP, erasing the entire history of the transaction. Bond calls him a petty thief, which pisses Janus the F off. Meanwhile, whatever Natalya was doing on the computer is stopped, but not until she encrypts whatever it was she was doing. Janus further explains that his little EMP operation will also burn out the history of everything on all of the computers in England, wiping out debts, criminal records, and late library fees.
Boris the Creep says hi to Natalya, who responds with a strong backhand to this nerd's face. Natalya mixes the grenade pen up with Boris' stupid one, and I bet that's gonna blow his ugly face up soon. Meanwhile, the satellite is getting into position while Boris clicks and clicks and clicks that damn pen, activating and deactivating it. Natalya says you stupid assholes, I changed the route of the satellite, foolish Earthlings. That stupid grenade pen is just waiting to explode Boris, and man is the editing during this sequence headache-inducing. Just as they're about to shoot Natalya, that buffoon Boris snaps and jumps up, screaming at her to give him the access codes while shoving that exploding pen in her face. Knowing it's activated, Bond kicks it out of his hand and gets he and Natalya in position to duck and cover. The pen goes off, exploding the drizzled English muffin sauce, and the whole place starts going kaboom.
Bond and Natalya get into an elevator (during a fire, you're not supposed to get into elevators, guys), and Bond says can Boris figure out your access codes? She says probably and thanks for asking if I'm OK, dickhead. Bond says whatever; let's destroy the transmitter. Everything's on fire and Boris is trying to fix the scrambled access code while Janus goes after Bond in true villain fashion. Hey! This was the final stage of the game! Fighting Janus on the top of the transmitter! Great level, too. This? Enh.
So Boris tries to fix the access code, now under threat of being shot if he doesn't, while Bond ducks Janus's fire on top of the transmitter. Boris figures out the stupid thing he had to while Janus and Bond square off. Bond throws him down a flight of stairs and jams the machinery up to stop the positioning because he's quick-thinking while Bond and Janus continue finishing the final level of the game. There's kicks, punches, thrills, and spills in their fight–classic Bond close combat fistacuffs. Seems that Janus has Bond at point-blank range with a gun, and he tries to get the final line, but James kicks out a ladder that drops like three hundred feet. He begins to climb up after Janus, and Janus climbs up down to him, and I guess they're going to have a classic ladder fight.
"Ladder fight!"
Janus slides down and kicks Bond right in the fucking face and Bond dangles with one arm on the last rung. So Janus climbs down and starts stepping on his hand, which drops Bond to the lower part of the satellite. There, Janus jumps down and starts strangling the shit out of him. Bond kicks Janus, who falls off the side, but Bond catches him. Janus asks, "For England, James?" to which Bond replies, "No: for me," and drops him like a sack of potatoes. That's pretty badass, James. Also, Natalya has a gun to a helicopter pilot's head, so James jumps and grabs the landing thingies on the chopper while the satellite explodes like satellites don't. Twisted flaming metal wreckage crushes what's left of Janus, and for some reason Boris the Creep somehow doesn't die. But wait, he does, so never mind. Fuck that guy.
Lowering the chopper, Natalya and Bond jump to the ground while the copter takes off to go…somewhere. I'm not sure where, since that dude's employer is dead, but be free, chopper pilot. Natalya and Bond start making out but that idiot American agent is there for some reason, and I'm wondering why the hell this guy didn't help him at all. The Marines pop up out of the ground and choppers descend out of nowhere and I'm still wondering why the hell they didn't get involved at any point. Like, what the hell?
Bond picks Natalya up and gets her to the choppa and they fly to Guantanamo, which has a much different reputation in modern times than just being an American base in Cuba. The choppers fly away and…that's it. Credits roll and some stupid rip-off Peter Gabriel song plays. Hmm. No James Bond Will Return or anything, just a soft synth-pop ballad. Poor show, 007.
Stray Notes
My grandfather's name was Boris, so I don't like that the creepy nerd character shares his name. He was a wonderful man with a good heart and deserves better characters in movies to share his name.
Didn't realize that was Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp until the credits.
Not sure how I feel about the more electronica-influenced score which now dates the movie as a product of what "cool" was in the mid-90's. But progress marches on, much like Bond.
That was Minnie Driver as the singer in that Russian club! But why?
Often regarded as one of the best Bond movies and the first one many members of my generation saw, I haven't seen the whole thing until just now. And it's…pretty OK, I guess. Having now watched the entire franchise in sequence up to this point, my perspective isn't fresh; I wasn't interested in the Bond franchise until just this past year, now in my mid-30's. But I can see how it would be a nostalgic favorite of people in my generation: I would have been too young to see any of the Dalton ones (I was 5 and 7 when they came out, respectively), but I was 12 when this came out and pretty cognizant of pop culture by then. But action movies didn't interest me at that age (I was one of those insufferable brats that was interested in "cinema" and "indie films" instead and was more excited about seeing Pulp Fiction and Clerks that year).
Watching it now, 22 years (oh dear God, has it been that long?) after its release, I was underwhelmed: to me, it seemed like a typical 90's action movie with our favorite spy in place of John McClain. Pierce Brosnan is a pretty decent Bond–perhaps a little too debonaire at times, like he's in a whisky ad instead of being an international spy, but serviceable. I liked Natalya Simonova as a Bond Girl, who was helpful and understated instead of being a useless idiot like so many Bond Girls before her. And Xenia Onatopp was a fantastic Bond Girl villain–even if she was completely nuts, which I guess made her so good. 006/Janus was similarly a good Bond Villain, as well, and its past relationship to Bond made it more personal than the usual "madman cartoon tries to take over the world." I hated Boris the Creep, who was both comic relief and a goofy sidekick of sorts, but how much can you hate Alan Cumming in anything, really? That guy's a treasure.
Still, it was a little too action-oriented and the editing was at times headache-inducing. It was a lot of sound and fury signifying less than its many moving parts necessitated. The story setup took a long time to get into, and much of that was kind of dead space. When the action kicked in, it was great, but again, it seemed to comfit normal action movie set pieces of the time than making the action its own signature Bond-like fights. Too much gunfire, not enough cleverness.
I know people love this Bond movie for a lot of reasons, and more power to them. I like stuff simply because it was my introduction to it more than because it was the best thing around. After watching all of these Bond movies, I'm starting to expect a lot from them, which is probably a mistake since these movies weren't meant to be digested within such a compressed time frame; the fault lies not in the stars but within ourselves. Still, I give it what I give it, which is two and a half Bonds out of four.
action, Breaking the Bonds, film, humor, James Bond, recap
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LittleFears says:
Ahaha! Great review! Wasn't a fan of Bros' Bond. Bit too weak and wussy at times compared to old book bond.
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text:
Miss Grand Cambodia 2016 was the second edition of the Miss Grand Cambodia beauty pageant, held at the Nagaworld Hotel in Phnom Penh, on June 30, 2016. Twenty-five contestants, who qualified for the national contest through online screening, competed for the title, of whom a 19-year-old nursing student from Phnom Penh, Heng Chantha, was named the winner, and was expected to represent the country at the Miss Grand International 2016 pageant in Las Vegas, Nevada, however, her visa application was rejected by the U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement caused her to withdraw from the competition.

The event was broadcast live to the audience nationwide on MyTV.

Result

References

External links

Miss Grand Cambodia
Grand Cambodia

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaWikipedia


text:
<?php

namespace common\models\message;

use common\components\message\MessageTemplate;
use common\components\message\MessageTemplateKeyHelper;
use common\helpers\Html;
use common\models\issue\IssueInterface;
use common\models\issue\IssueUser;
use frontend\helpers\Url;
use Yii;
use yii\base\InvalidConfigException;
use yii\mail\MessageInterface;

class IssueMessagesForm extends MessageModel {

	protected const KEY_ISSUE_TYPES = 'issueTypes';

	protected const KEY_CUSTOMER = 'customer';
	protected const KEY_WORKERS = 'workers';

	public string $smsClass = IssueSmsForm::class;

	public ?bool $sendSmsToCustomer = null;
	public ?bool $sendSmsToAgent = null;
	public ?bool $sendEmailToCustomer = null;
	public ?bool $sendEmailToWorkers = null;

	public $workersTypes = [
		IssueUser::TYPE_AGENT,
		IssueUser::TYPE_TELEMARKETER,
	];

	public ?int $sms_owner_id = null;

	public bool $bindIssueType = false;

	protected ?IssueInterface $issue = null;

	protected ?MessageTemplate $customerSMSTemplate = null;
	protected ?MessageTemplate $agentSMSTemplate = null;
	protected ?MessageTemplate $customerEmailTemplate = null;
	protected ?MessageTemplate $workersEmailTemplate = null;

	public function setIssue(IssueInterface $issue): void {
		$this->issue = $issue;
		if (!$this->issue->getIssueModel()->isNewRecord) {
			if ($this->sendSmsToCustomer === null) {
				$this->sendSmsToCustomer = $this->customerHasPhone();
			}
			if ($this->sendSmsToAgent === null) {
				$this->sendSmsToAgent = $this->agentHasPhones();
			}
			if ($this->sendEmailToCustomer === null) {
				$this->sendEmailToCustomer = $this->customerHasEmail();
			}
			if ($this->sendEmailToWorkers === null) {
				$this->sendEmailToWorkers = !empty($this->getIssueUsersEmails());
			}
		}
	}

	public function rules(): array {
		return [
			[['sendSmsToCustomer', 'sendEmailToCustomer', 'sendSmsToAgent', 'sendEmailToWorkers'], 'boolean'],
			[
				'workersTypes', 'required',
				'enableClientValidation' => false,
				'when' => function (): bool {
					return $this->sendEmailToWorkers && !empty($this->getWorkersUsersTypesNames());
				},
			],
			['workersTypes', 'in', 'range' => array_keys($this->getWorkersUsersTypesNames()), 'allowArray' => true],
			[
				'!sms_owner_id', 'required', 'when' => function (): bool {
				return $this->sendSmsToCustomer || $this->sendSmsToAgent;
			},
				'message' => Yii::t('issue', 'SMS Owner cannot be blank when want send SMS.'),
			],
		];
	}

	public function attributeLabels(): array {
		return [
			'sendSmsToCustomer' => Yii::t('issue', 'Send SMS to Customer'),
			'sendSmsToAgent' => Yii::t('issue', 'Send SMS to Agent'),
			'sendEmailToCustomer' => Yii::t('issue', 'Send Email To Customer'),
			'sendEmailToWorkers' => Yii::t('issue', 'Send Email To Workers'),
			'workersTypes' => Yii::t('issue', 'Workers'),
		];
	}

	public function pushMessages(): ?int {
		if (!$this->validate()) {
			Yii::error($this->getErrors());
			return false;
		}
		return $this->pushCustomerMessages() + $this->pushWorkersMessages();
	}

	public function pushCustomerMessages(): int {
		$count = 0;
		if ($this->sendSmsToCustomer) {
			$sms = $this->getSmsToCustomer();
			if ($sms && $sms->pushJob()) {
				$count++;
			}
		}
		if ($this->sendEmailToCustomer) {
			$message = $this->getEmailToCustomer();
			if ($message && $message->send()) {
				$count++;
			}
		}
		return $count;
	}

	public function pushWorkersMessages(): int {
		$count = 0;
		if ($this->sendSmsToAgent) {
			$sms = $this->getSmsToAgent();
			if ($sms && $sms->pushJob()) {
				$count++;
			}
		}
		if ($this->sendEmailToWorkers) {
			$message = $this->getEmailToWorkers();
			if ($message && $message->send()) {
				$count++;
			}
		}
		return $count;
	}

	public function getSmsToCustomer(): ?IssueSmsForm {
		if (!$this->customerHasPhone()) {
			return null;
		}
		$template = $this->getCustomerSMSTemplate();
		if ($template === null) {
			return null;
		}
		$this->parseTemplate($template);
		return $this->createCustomerSms($template);
	}

	protected function getCustomerSMSTemplate(): ?MessageTemplate {
		if ($this->customerSMSTemplate === null) {
			$this->customerSMSTemplate = $this->getSmsTemplate($this->getCustomerTemplateKey());
		}
		return $this->customerSMSTemplate;
	}

	public function setCustomerSMSTemplate(MessageTemplate $messageTemplate): void {
		$this->customerSMSTemplate = $messageTemplate;
	}

	public function hasSmsCustomerTemplate(bool $withIssueType = true): bool {
		return $withIssueType
			? $this->getTemplate(static::TYPE_SMS, $this->getCustomerTemplateKey()) !== null
			: parent::getTemplate(static::TYPE_SMS, $this->getCustomerTemplateKey()) !== null;
	}

	protected function parseTemplate(MessageTemplate $template): void {
		$this->parseAgent($template);
		$this->parseCustomer($template);
		$this->parseIssue($template);
	}

	public function getSmsToAgent(): ?IssueSmsForm {
		if (!$this->agentHasPhones()) {
			return null;
		}
		$template = $this->getAgentSMSTemplate();
		if ($template === null) {
			return null;
		}
		$this->parseTemplate($template);
		return $this->createAgentSms($template);
	}

	protected function getAgentSMSTemplate(): ?MessageTemplate {
		if ($this->agentSMSTemplate === null) {
			$this->agentSMSTemplate = $this->getSmsTemplate($this->getWorkersTemplateKey());
		}
		return $this->agentSMSTemplate;
	}

	public function setAgentSMSTemplate(MessageTemplate $messageTemplate): void {
		$this->agentSMSTemplate = $messageTemplate;
	}

	public function getEmailToCustomer(): ?MessageInterface {
		if (!$this->customerHasEmail()) {
			return null;
		}
		$template = $this->getCustomerEmailTemplate();
		if ($template === null) {
			return null;
		}
		$this->parseTemplate($template);
		return $this->createEmail($template)->setTo($this->getCustomerEmail());
	}

	private function getCustomerEmailTemplate(): ?MessageTemplate {
		if ($this->customerEmailTemplate === null) {
			$this->customerEmailTemplate = $this->getEmailTemplate($this->getCustomerTemplateKey());
		}
		return $this->customerEmailTemplate;
	}

	public function setCustomerEmailTemplate(MessageTemplate $messageTemplate): void {
		$this->customerEmailTemplate = $messageTemplate;
	}

	public function getEmailToWorkers(): ?MessageInterface {
		$emails = $this->getIssueUsersEmails();
		if (empty($emails)) {
			return null;
		}
		$template = $this->getWorkersTemplate();
		if ($template === null) {
			return null;
		}
		$this->parseTemplate($template);
		return $this->createEmail($template)->setTo($emails);
	}

	protected function getWorkersTemplate(): ?MessageTemplate {
		if ($this->workersEmailTemplate === null) {
			$this->workersEmailTemplate = $this->getEmailTemplate($this->getWorkersTemplateKey());
		}
		return $this->workersEmailTemplate;
	}

	public function setWorkersEmailTemplate(MessageTemplate $messageTemplate): void {
		$this->workersEmailTemplate = $messageTemplate;
	}

	public function getCustomerTemplateKey(): string {
		return static::keyCustomer($this->keysParts(static::KEY_CUSTOMER));
	}

	public function getWorkersTemplateKey(): string {
		return static::keyWorkers($this->keysParts(static::KEY_WORKERS));
	}

	public function getWorkersUsersTypesNames(): array {
		$types = [];
		$workers = IssueUser::TYPES_WORKERS;
		if ($this->issue->getIssueModel()->isNewRecord) {
			foreach ($workers as $workerType) {
				$types[$workerType] = IssueUser::getTypesNames()[$workerType];
			}
			return $types;
		}
		foreach ($this->issue->getIssueModel()->users as $issueUser) {
			if (in_array($issueUser->type, $workers, true)) {
				$types[$issueUser->type] = $issueUser->getTypeWithUser();
			}
		}
		return $types;
	}

	public function createCustomerSms(MessageTemplate $template = null): IssueSmsForm {
		return $this->createSms([
			'owner_id' => $this->sms_owner_id,
			'phone' => $this->getCustomerPhone(),
			'userTypes' => [IssueUser::TYPE_CUSTOMER],
		], $template);
	}

	public function createAgentSms(MessageTemplate $template = null): IssueSmsForm {
		return $this->createSms([
			'owner_id' => $this->sms_owner_id,
			'phone' => $this->getAgentPhone(),
			'userTypes' => [IssueUser::TYPE_AGENT],
		], $template);
	}

	/**
	 * @throws InvalidConfigException
	 */
	public function createSms(array $config = [], MessageTemplate $template = null): IssueSmsForm {
		$config['class'] = $this->smsClass;
		/** @var IssueSmsForm $model */
		$model = Yii::createObject($config, [$this->issue]);
		if ($template) {
			$model->message = $template->getSmsMessage();
			$model->note_title = $template->getSubject();
		}
		return $model;
	}

	protected function parseIssue(MessageTemplate $template): void {
		$template->parseSubject(['issue' => $this->issue->getIssueName()]);
		$template->parseBody([
			'issue' => $this->issue->getIssueName(),
			'issueLink' => $this->getIssueFrontendAbsoluteLink(),
		]);
		if ($this->bindIssueType) {
			$template->parseBody(['issueType' => $this->issue->getIssueType()->name]);
		}
	}

	public function getIssueFrontendAbsoluteLink(): string {
		$url = Url::issueView($this->issue->getIssueId(), true);
		return Html::a($this->issue->getIssueName(), $url);
	}

	protected function parseCustomer(MessageTemplate $template): void {
		$template->parseBody([
			'customerName' => $this->getCustomerName(),
			'customerPhone' => $this->getCustomerPhone(),
			'customerEmail' => $this->getCustomerEmail(),
		]);
	}

	protected function parseAgent(MessageTemplate $template): void {
		$template->parseBody([
			'agentName' => $this->getAgentName(),
			'agentPhone' => $this->getAgentPhone(),
			'agentEmail' => $this->getAgentEmail(),
		]);
	}

	protected function agentHasPhones(): bool {
		return !empty($this->getAgentPhone());
	}

	protected function customerHasPhone(): bool {
		return !empty($this->getCustomerPhone());
	}

	protected function customerHasEmail(): bool {
		return !empty($this->getCustomerEmail());
	}

	protected function getAgentName(): string {
		return $this->issue->getIssueModel()->agent->getFullName();
	}

	protected function getAgentEmail(): ?string {
		return $this->issue->getIssueModel()->agent->email;
	}

	protected function getAgentPhone(): ?string {
		return $this->issue->getIssueModel()->agent->getPhone();
	}

	protected function getCustomerEmail(): ?string {
		return $this->issue->getIssueModel()->customer->email;
	}

	protected function getCustomerName(): string {
		return $this->issue->getIssueModel()->customer->getFullName();
	}

	protected function getCustomerPhone(): ?string {
		return $this->issue->getIssueModel()->customer->getPhone();
	}

	protected function getIssueUsersEmails(): array {
		return $this->issue
			->getIssueModel()
			->getUsers()
			->withTypes($this->workersTypes)
			->joinWith('user')
			->select('user.email')
			->column();
	}

	protected function getTemplate(string $type, string $baseKey): ?MessageTemplate {
		return $this
			->getTemplateManager()
			->getIssueTypeTemplatesLikeKey(
				static::generateKey($type, $baseKey),
				$this->issue->getIssueType()->id,
				$this->language
			);
	}

	public static function generateKey(string $type, string $key, ?array $issueTypesIds = null): string {
		$parts = array_merge((array) $type, static::mainKeys(), (array) $key);
		if (!empty($issueTypesIds)) {
			$parts[] = static::issueTypesKeyPart($issueTypesIds);
		}
		return MessageTemplateKeyHelper::generateKey($parts);
	}

	protected static function mainKeys(): array {
		return [
			'issue',
		];
	}

	public static function keyCustomer(array $parts = []): string {
		array_unshift($parts, static::KEY_CUSTOMER);
		return MessageTemplateKeyHelper::generateKey($parts);
	}

	public static function keyWorkers(array $parts = []): string {
		array_unshift($parts, static::KEY_WORKERS);
		return MessageTemplateKeyHelper::generateKey($parts);
	}

	public function keysParts(string $type): array {
		return [];
	}

	public static function isForIssueType(string $key, int $id): bool {
		$ids = (array) static::getTypesIds($key);
		return empty($ids)
			|| in_array($id, $ids);
	}

	public static function issueTypesKeyPart(array $ids): string {
		if (empty($ids)) {
			return '';
		}
		return MessageTemplateKeyHelper::generateKey([static::KEY_ISSUE_TYPES => $ids]);
	}

	protected static function getTypesIds(string $key) {
		return MessageTemplateKeyHelper::getValue($key, static::KEY_ISSUE_TYPES);
	}

}

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaGithub


text:
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"LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA" DELIVERS A MOVING ANTI-WAR MESSAGE
When actor turned Academy Award winning director Clint Eastwood decided to make "Flags of Our Fathers", a World War II movie about American GI's who survived the battle of Iwo Jima, and as victors raised the flag on the island, before returning home as heroes, it turned out that the American point of view wasn't enough to cut it for him. There was another side to the war story, a perspective that should be told through the eyes, hearts and letters of the Japanese who defended the island of Iwo Jima against American forces during the forty days of battle in 1945. The result is "Letters from Iwo Jima", a more superior, deeply moving film than its companion piece released earlier in the year. At this writing Letters has already been honored as Best Picture of 2006 by the National Board of Review and it has won the Golden Globe Award for Best Foreign Language Film by the Hollywood Foreign Press. Next up is the Academy Awards, which will no doubt have Letters among its contenders. As the second half of the dual project, Letters from Iwo Jima, spoken in Japanese with English subtitles and shot mostly in black and white (probably as an homage to old war movies and to emphasize the gloomy setting) stands as an eye opening, thought provoking experience that will have everyone rethinking the way we perceive the Japanese soldiers in World War II who, in previous movies, were portrayed as nothing more than the cruel and ruthless enemy. This is the first time young Japanese soldiers are seen as young men, not that different from ours. Stripped of all their cultural, language and political differences when it comes down to it they have more in common with us than we are led to believe, sharing the same human qualities.
Through all their tactics and strategies, for the 20,000 Japanese who tried to hold on to the island they held sacred, it turned out to be a virtual suicide mission where only 1,000 of their men survived. Short of food, water, and ammunition and informed by headquarters on the mainland that no reinforcements would be sent, the soldiers know that victory was futile and they would most likely die. Surrender was not an option. Rather, for the staunch believer, he would rather take his own life either by a self-inflicted gunshot to the head or by blowing himself up with a hand grenade.
The story centers around several significant characters we meet whose personal life is revealed through flashbacks and letters to their loved ones as they are held up in caves under horrendous conditions, near starvation, waiting for the enemy to invade. All the performances are outstanding. Saigo (popstar Kazunari Ninomiya) is a young baker forced to go to battle against his will after being told that it is his patriotic duty. Although indoctrinated to believe that it would be an honor to die for his country he can't wait to go home and be reunited with his wife and baby daughter that was born while he was away. Shimizu (Ryo Kase) is the idealist, a former member of the military police who was discharged and sent to war as punishment after he wouldn't follow orders to kill a barking dog, an act he knew would be wrong. The handsome and dashing Baron Nishi is the world-renowned Olympic equestrian who loves his horse so much that he has it sent with him to the island. Unlike their soldiers who have no knowledge of Americans other than from the propaganda they've been told, both Nishi and General Kuribayashi (former Academy award nominee Ken Watanabe) have spent time in America, have an understanding of what is now their enemy and show a compassionate human side in contrast to some of the heartless and ruthless military leaders who would rather kill or torture one of their own men then allow signs of weakness or defeat. As commander in charge, once the General arrives he devises the plan for his men to dig more than 18 miles of tunnels and caves that enables them to withstand the onslaught of American troops for more than a month, but he eventually becomes well aware of the fate that awaits himself and his men.
Yes, there is plenty of combat, bloodshed and explosions, the usual brutality and horrors of war. And Eastwood doesn't shy away, showing the atrocities being committed on both sides, equally. Let's face it. War is ugly any way you look at it, with innocent young men used as pawns and the use of propaganda by combatant countries to sell the idea of a just war. Clint Eastwood makes these points very clear and has delivered a triumph, creating one of the most notable, powerful anti war movies I have ever seen. Letters from Iwo Jima plays out as an intimate look inside the heart and mind of the people who are forced to fight wars not of their making. Though spoken in Japanese the display of humanity, common to all, needs no translation.
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redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


WARSAW – Host River View scored five times in the first inning and never looked back in an 11-3 win over visiting Rosecrans Wednesday in East Central Ohio League play.
Bryar Cox had three hits and two RBIs, while Jorn Hocter had four strikeouts in 4 1/3 innings on the mound for River View (12-6, 8-2).
Sean Orillion also struck out two in 2 2/3 innings and Trevor Wine also knocked in a run in the victory.
Mason Fisher had two hits and Derek Kunkler knocked in a run for the Bishops.


Can you even believe it? September is upon us. It happens every year (um, Lyndsay? Duh!) but what I mean is, you're stone cold cruising summer's sunny fun times, August is rolling along, hot as can be, and then suddenly BLAMMO you get a stint of cooler weather and you go, "no. It just can't be over. NO." And you cling to it and wear your shorts and sandals in defiance and you're all like, "oh yeah, I'm totally going swimming tomorrow" but then summer slips through your fingers like a melted ice cream ball fallen splat on the sidewalk.
So cute and simple. Top them off with a "back to cool" sign and an awesome nerdball bookworm and you've made at least 1.5 new friends.
1 dozen cupcakes, baked and cooled.
A dark chocolate bar, chopped into "stems"
A 2 inch ball of green coloured fondant, rolled out and cut into leaves.
Pour your red coloured sugar into a small deep bowl. Sprinkle down a bit of cornstarch onto a piece of parchment paper and roll out your green fondant. Stamp or cut out a dozen leaf shapes.
Hold your piping bag filled with buttercream upright in the centre of your cupcake.
Squeeze out until you get a delightful puffy blobette.
Get ready to give your cupcake pal a little dip!
Yep. Face first right in the red coloured sugar. Rotate the cupcake to get a good covering of red sugar all over your frosted cupcake.
Tada! Kind of cool how the buttercream doesn't fall off into the sugar, right? Or maybe it did. No biggie. Just clean that out and on to the next.
Place one of your dark chocolate "stems" into the centre, and a little green leaf on its side!
Keep your assembly line going - don't stop till you get enough!
You can cut out a funny little bookworm shape and draw on a face and some lines like I did. A little sign of some kind is always fun too. Back to COOL, guys. Heh heh.
Bring these cupcakes to your kid's classroom and you will be high fived by a million children. Promise.
Oh that is so cute. And who knew it was so easy!
it looks so easy when you do it.
@chaoslady!! aww... i swear anyone can do this!! :) thanks for stopping by!
I have followed your recipe for my son and the cupcakes were very good! Thank you for this delicious idea!


ΕΧPRESS PEGASUS - MODIFICATION OF DEPARTURE TIME FROM... - Hellenic Seaways - Destination, Greek Islands!
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L'ombra di Anubi (Murder in the Place of Anubis) è un libro scritto da Lynda Suzanne Robinson, ed è il primo romanzo della serie incentrata sulle indagini del principe Meren (di preciso Le indagini del principe Meren alla corte di Tutankhamon). È uscito negli Stati Uniti nel 1995, e in Italia nel 2002, ed è ambientato nell'anno quinto del regno di Tutankhamon.

Trama

Nel tempio della Dimora di Anubi, mentre ispezionano una mummia da imbalsamare, il sacerdote Raneb e il collega Pashed scoprono un altro corpo estraneo alla procedura: il cadavere appartiene allo scriba Hormin, trafitto alla gola da un coltello d'imbalsamazione in ossidiana. Venuto a sapere del fatto, il giovanissimo Faraone Tutankhamon ordina al suo fido principe Meren di recarsi alla Dimora di Anubi dove già si trova il di lui figlio adottivo Kysen. I due vengono a sapere che lo scriba sarebbe morto di recente, il gonnellino è bagnato di un unguento speciale, e sul corpo sono presenti alcuni oggetti importanti per la mummificazione, tra i quali un amuleto del cuore.

Uscito dalla Dimora, Meren ode delle urla provenienti da una casa: in essa, una prostituta di nome Beltis litiga violentemente con Selket, moglie di Hormin, e i figli Imsety e Djaper. Il principe viene a sapere che Beltis, brava soltanto ad apparire bella e sedurre altri uomini, è la concubina dello scriba, e la notte prima della morte di quest'ultimo avrebbe rubato una collana dal suo ufficio, furto di cui Beltis accusa a sua volta Djaper e Imsety; Djaper afferma che lui e il fratello avevano litigato col padre perché lui non voleva rinunciare ai suoi beni, neanche la fattoria che Imsety avrebbe ereditato da lui, nonostante l'eloquenza del figlio maggiore. Meren viene poi a sapere dei pessimi rapporti di Hormin non solo con la famiglia, ma anche con i suoi colleghi, tra cui Bakwerner, quello con cui litigava più spesso e violentemente. Più tardi, lo stesso Bakwerner, sorvegliato da alcuni aurighi di Meren, tenta invano di avvertire Selket dei pericoli che circondano lei e la sua famiglia; rimasto solo, viene attirato in un vico e ucciso a colpi di ostrakon.

Il giorno dopo, Meren ordina a Kysen di seguire una carovana che lo porta al suo villaggio natale degli operai, dove vivono il padre biologico Pawero, ormai vecchio e sdentato, e i fratelli Ramose ed Hesire. Kysen fa la conoscenza dello scriba del villaggio Thesh e di sua moglie Yem, del pittore Useramun, nuovo marito di Beltis, attraente ma arrogante, e dello scultore Woser, il padre della prostituta, magro, malaticcio e senza il becco di un quattrino. Meren raggiunge invece Imsety che stava vendendo a un orafo la stessa collana trafugata dall'ufficio di Hormin: il ragazzo confessa che suo fratello Djaper aveva escogitato un falso furto, tramite il quale i due fratelli avrebbero trafugato nello studio del padre per poi vendere una parte del bottino, in modo che Imsety, se non poteva avere la fattoria dal padre, ne avrebbe comunque avuto una tutta sua. Effettivamente, nel suo testamento, Hormin avrebbe ceduto i suoi beni a virtualmente tutti i membri della Casa della Vita, tra cui Ahmose, ex-maestro di Meren, mentre ai suoi parenti non avrebbe lasciato nulla.

Constatato ormai che i figli di Hormin sono dei ladri e la loro madre è complice, il giorno dopo ancora Meren va a interrogarli di nuovo, ma giunto in casa loro vede Djaper in camera sua, agonizzante per via di un veleno, e fa quindi sorvegliare Selkis e Imsety dai suoi aurighi. Tornato a casa, Meren riceve Raneb, a cui aveva in precedenza incaricato personalmente di investigare sul profumo che impregnava il gonnellino di Hormin e sull'amuleto del cuore: questi gli spiega che l'unguento usato è il qeres, un composto di resine dolci e mirra, esclusivo per i nobili e i principi e situato nel palazzo del Faraone; in sintesi, Hormin avrebbe trafugato una porzione di quell'unguento da qualche nobile o addirittura dal palazzo del Faraone per tentare invano di far contenta la sua amante Beltis. Venuto a sapere del fatto, il Faraone sospetta tra l'altro che la moglie Ankhesenamun sia in qualche modo coinvolta (nutriva infatti dei sospetti contro di lei poiché ella, prima dell'inizio del libro, aveva tentato di sostituirlo con un principe ittita), e dunque incarica Meren di interrogare Bakef, il mastro profumiere del re, riguardo all'unguento. Dopo aver parlato anche con un suo conoscente sull'amuleto del cuore e sul qeres, Meren scopre però che Imsety e Selket se ne sono andati per seguire Beltis, la quale si sarebbe diretta verso la tomba destinata a Hormin.

Kysen, ancora al villaggio, convince Thesh a seguirlo per trovare lo scultore Woser, e lo trovano in compagnia di Beltis, grazie alla quale lo scultore sembra migliorato dalla sua malattia. Decide dunque di spiare di nuovo Woser, dopo aver saputo dai propri fratelli Hesire e Ramose di un sarcofago e un tesoro nella tomba di Hormin, che in realtà sarebbe quella di un altro principe; lo affiancano nell'indagine Thesh e Useramun, dichiaratisi innocenti. Quella stessa notte, Kysen trova Useramun privo di sensi per via di una sassata in testa, lo risveglia e lo convince a seguirlo; ma arrivato al sarcofago della tomba, viene anche lui colpito alla testa e tramortito. Intanto Meren, dopo aver ripreso Imsety e Selket, raggiunge con loro il villaggio degli operai, dove interroga i due figli di Pawero, e obbliga poi Thesh a condurlo nella tomba di Hormin. Giunto alla tomba, Meren trova Beltis e colui che si rivela essere Woser; ne segue dunque una lotta nella quale il principe riesce a fermare e uccidere lo scultore e a catturare la figlia Beltis.

Dopo che Kysen viene curato, il giorno dopo padre e figlio interrogano la prostituta, la quale afferma che Woser aveva pianificato tutto tempo prima della morte di Hormin: stando a lei, lo scriba aveva infatti incaricato Woser di uccidere un cavatore, sfracellato al suolo alcuni giorni prima, perché non si fidava di lui e non voleva comunque dividere il bottino con lui, nonostante le suppliche di Beltis. Vi è però il problema della prostituta che oltre a Hormin ha sedotto anche Useramun, Thesh e Woser: Hormin era ricco ma non bello, Thesh e Useramun erano attraenti ma non ricchi, mentre Woser non era nessuno dei due e non poteva diventare bello, ma poteva diventare ricco. Kysen aveva deciso di sorvegliare Beltis, trovando strano che quest'ultima fosse stata sollecita a un uomo incapace di bellezza, e, origliando i dialoghi tra lei e Woser, ha saputo che saccheggiare la tomba è stata idea della prostituta. Hormin aveva promesso parte delle sue ricchezze a Beltis, la quale non voleva permettere a nulla di farla desistere, neanche la morte di Hormin, e dunque aveva costretto Woser ad aiutarlo nel sacco. Troppo spaventato per mentire, Woser era terrorizzato dagli spiriti e dai demoni, tanto che per giorni era stato incapace di alzarsi da letto, soprattutto dopo la colluttazione con Hormin alla Dimora di Anubi. Quindi soltanto Hormin sarebbe stato ucciso da Woser, il quale invece non sapeva che Bakwerner o Djaper, le altre due vittime, sarebbe divenuto una minaccia per lui. Restava quindi Beltis, che sapeva che Bakwerner era andato a casa di Hormin e aveva minacciato di rivelare tutto quanto sapeva; sebbene questi non avesse parlato della tomba, Beltis l'aveva comunque ucciso, nell'eventualità che avesse davvero scoperto qualcosa. Woser non sapeva neanche che Djaper aveva compreso il significato della collana trafugata dall'ufficio di Hormin: non era danneggiata, ma incompleta, perché destinata a una tomba, e dunque aveva ricostruito tutto l'accaduto. Per proteggere il segreto della tomba del principe, Beltis avrebbe dunque ucciso Bakwerner, avvelenato Djaper e cercato di uccidere anche Kysen. Nella tomba della quale Hormin voleva appropriarsene, erano presenti solo Woser e lo stesso cavatore di prima; lo scultore voleva richiudere subito il varco che si era aperto su di essa, ma Hormin lo aveva persuaso che per saccheggiarla senza problemi sarebbe bastata una protezione magica, motivo per cui i due iniziarono a rubare degli amuleti magici, il che spiega la presenza dell'amuleto a forma di cuore sulla salma trovata da Raneb a inizio libro. Poco dopo, Hormin avrebbe regalato a Beltis la stessa collana per cercare di farla contenta, ma al suo rifiuto lo scriba optò per l'unguento che ella ammirava. Hormin avrebbe ordinato a Woser di rubare anche degli anelli d'oro, ma questi non l'aveva fatto per paura che il defunto lo avrebbe perseguitato. Questo mancato furto avrebbe generato un alterco tra Hormin e Woser, anche perché il primo, per proteggersi e allontanare da sé la collera degli dei e del defunto, aveva persino scritto una lettera che avrebbe indicato il secondo come il profanatore; reso folle dalla paura, Woser uccise quindi lo scriba.

Il mistero è finalmente risolto, e Meren riceve le congratulazioni dal Faraone Tutankhamon, ma all'improvviso vede Teti, il servo libico del Faraone, sul punto di dargli proprio il qeres; allarmato, il principe ferma il servo e gli fa notare che l'unguento proviene dal tesoro del dio, ovvero Amon, e che ora sarebbe persino avvelenato. Si incarica dunque di far esaminare l'unguento per appurare se sia avvelenato, e verificare se vi siano realmente delle tracce che portano ad Ankhesenamun, o se vi è comunque un intrigo che minaccia la sua persona o il suo regno.

Personaggi

Meren: protagonista della serie al servizio di Tutankhamon, che lo ha nominato principe con il titolo di "Occhi e Orecchie del Faraone". Ha 34 anni. All'età di diciotto anni, egli fu fatto torturare dal Faraone Akhenaten (nella serie di Robinson è fratello di Tutankhamon), soltanto perché suo padre non volle rinnegare il suo tradizionale monoteismo e seguire la fede di Aton. Mentre il padre venne per questo ucciso, Meren fu invece risparmiato, a patto che fosse marchiato sul polso con il disco solare di Aton. Meren fu subito affidato ad Ay, ora l'anziano visir del Faraone, che da quel momento divenne suo amico. Ha avuto una moglie, Sir-Hathor, morta prima degli eventi della serie letteraria.
Kysen: figlio adottivo di Meren, il cui rispetto e amore è reciproco, già in questo primo libro è costretto a fare visita al suo vero padre naturale, Pawero. In passato, Pawero ebbe un carattere molto violento nei confronti di Kysen, al punto da costringerlo a lasciare nel suo villaggio, prima che conoscesse Meren. Fu proprio perché lasciò il villaggio che Pawero decise di venderlo come schiavo, ma fu proprio quello a permettergli di venire adottato da Meren.
Tutankhamon: giovanissimo Faraone d'Egitto, poco più che ragazzino, vive il suo quinto anno di regno fin dal primo libro. Desidera semplicemente partire alla testa del suo esercito, fuori da ogni intrigo e inganno che lo circonda, anche se Meren, da lui considerato suo amico, gli sconsiglia di mettere a repentaglio la sua giovane vita. Non si fida della moglie Ankhesenamun, in quanto tempo fa essa organizzò un complotto per deporre Tutankhamon, colpevole di aver ripristinato l'antico culto degli dei, e sostituirlo con un principe ittita.
Hormin: la vittima principale del libro, era uno scriba odiato da tutti coloro che l'hanno conosciuto, a maggior ragione dalla sua stessa famiglia.
Raneb: sacerdote del tempio di Anubi. È lui, insieme al suo assistente, a scoprire il cadavere dello scriba Hormin.
Remi: figlio di Kysen, è un bambino molto piccolo, affidato principalmente alle cure di Taweret, sua ex-moglie, e di Mutemwia.
Taweret: ex-moglie di Kysen, da cui è divorziata, e madre di Remi.
Mutemwia: balia di Remi, sembra solita torturare Kysen, almeno stando al primo romanzo.
Selket: moglie di hormin, ora vedova. Lei e i suoi due figli maschi hanno accolto la prostituta Beltis, che si è anche rivelata una ladra.
Djaper: il secondogenito di Hormin, è uno scriba ventenne, rapido come il leopardo e con la lingua di un cortigiano, che gli conferiscono un grande prestigio.
Imsety: il primogenito di Hormin, sarebbe stato l'unico a ereditare il campo del padre, in quanto formidabile agricoltore. È però goffo con le parole, ed è anche molto codardo.
Useramun: mastro pittore, ma è anche indecente e adulatore.
Beltis: è una prostituta, e la concubina di Hormin. È riassunta da Selket, la moglie di Hormin, coma una "parassita della società", in quanto pensa solo a rubare, occuparsi di sé stessa e corteggiare altri uomini. Suo padre è lo scultore Woser.
Woser: il padre di Beltis è uno scultore povero, magro e gravemente malato, e sarà un altro dei principali sospettati.
Bakwerner: ex-collega di Hormin e scriba reale, è stato anche suo acerrimo rivale, tanto che i due si sono persino litigati violentemente tra di loro, e anche molto spesso.
Pawero: padre biologico di Kysen, ora vecchio e avvizzito. Vive nel suo villaggio con i figli Ramose ed Hesire.
Ahmose: anziano ex-maestro di Meren, che chiama sempre "ragazzo". Djaper è il suo nuovo allievo preferito.
Thesh: scriba al servizio del villaggio dove vive Pawero, è sposato con Yemyemwha, chiamata Yem.
Abu: capitano degli aurighi al servizio di Meren. Fa la sua prima apparizione in questo romanzo, e seppur sia un personaggio minore, lo aiuta comunque nelle sue avventure.
Bakef: maestro profumiere del re, Meren si rivolge a lui per saperne di più sul qeres.
Ebana: cugino di Meren e sacerdote di Amon, è in forte attrito con il protagonista: nella stessa notte in cui Meren fu torturato e poi liberato, Ebana sfuggì a un tentativo di assassino (come testimonia la cicatrice che porta sul suo volto), ma la moglie e il figlio persero invece la vita. Accusa Meren di non averlo saputo avvertire nonostante la fiducia che nutriva in lui, e ignorando le circostanze in cui si trovava Meren. Apparirà anche nel secondo romanzo della serie.

Edizioni

Voci correlate

Lynda S. Robinson

Romanzi ambientati in Egitto
Romanzi di Lynda S. Robinson


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Q: What is the origin of the word "affine" in the context of mathematics? I am learning about affine functions and I do not understand why a certain type of functions ( functions that are in the form of f(x)=a*x+b  ) are called affine functions. I read about the word affine and i know it means related by I do not understand how is it related to this type of functions.

A: You're right, the term 'affine' is a little abstruse.  I think deadrat's answer is about as good as you will get as to how the etymology of the term might be related to the concept.
As to an origin, a mathematical term 'affine' is defined in connection with tangents to curves in Euler's "Introductio in analysin infinitorum" of 1748,  Book II, Ch. XVIII, art. 442.  You can find that in Latin at Gallica https://gallica.bnf.fr
I want to add that in mathematical literature, the modifiers "linear" and "affine" are often conflated.  The term "linear function" is often used to mean the same thing as "affine function".  On the other hand, the term "linear transformation" specifies one that maps the origin to itself, whereas "affine transformation" would definitely be understood to involve a translation of the origin.
What happened here is, in different circumstances each of these related ideas became of primary importance, and at some point, a distinction needed to be drawn.  Unfortunately, people had already staked claims to various territories, so the resulting lines weren't very straight.  It is a historical accident.

A: It may help for the mathematically inclined to think about affine functions operating on a vector space and for the non-mathematically inclined to think about that familiar vector space, our three-dimensional world with its familiar numbers and operations (i.e., multiplication and addition). Applying an affine function to all the points in a vector space gets you another vector space, and the question is what does the result look like? In other words, what does our world (or a picture of part of it -- call that a scene, if you will) look like after it has been transformed by an affine transformation?
The word affine comes from the Latin affinis meaning connected to or related to, and the transformed space is related to the original in a special way: by collinearity and the preservation of distance ratios. The former means that straight lines in any original scene are still straight lines in the transformed scene; the latter means that a point two-thirds the way toward the far end of line in the original scene is still two-thirds of the way toward the far end of the transformed line.
The result of an affine transformation may distort the original space (rotate it, stretch it, shrink it, etc.) but the result is still recognizably connected to the original. Think geometrically. In a non-distorting transformation, e.g, a translation, say, moving things left or right, there's a congruency between triangles: moving a triangle two inches to the left gives you a congruent triangle, one with the same side lengths and angles measures. It's just displaced. In a slightly distorting transformation like a shrinking or expansion, you get a similarity -- the new triangle's sides aren't the same length as the original but the angle measures are preserved. In a general affine transformation, the angle measures may be different, but the transformed triangle is related to the original. (We say they have an affinity.) The transformed triangle is still a triangle -- three connected sides -- and the transformed midpoints of the sides of the original are still midpoints of the transformed sides.
Thus you have a sequence of relationship types -- congruency (strongly connected or related, same size and shape), similarity (moderated connected, same shape but different size), and affinity (recognizably connected, same configuration but different shape and size).

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text:
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Home Security Companies FAQs 〉
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1110 15th St, Miami Beach, FL 33139
Based in Miami Beach, York Security Solutions caters to clients across the Miami metro and nearby communities. It installs a wide range of products, like surveillance cameras and intrusion detection alarms, for residential and commercial clients. The company carries products from brands such as Genetec, Hanwha Techwin, and Vaion. It also has experience setting up access control systems from brands including Openpath, Keyscan, and Brivo. Other solutions include installing fax-to-email and front door intercom systems.
The phrase "home security system" is a blanket term for all of the hardware and supporting software that creates a network with the purpose of protecting a person's home, possessions, and family. A home security system can include an alarm, a series of cameras, security lights, and anything else used to protect private property.
To find the best security system for your home, you'll need to consider your preferences. Some options lean more toward easy installation and customization, while others offer comprehensive monitoring and around-the-clock support.
How much is a home security system?
The total price of most home security systems includes a one-time charge for equipment and installation plus a monthly monitoring fee. The installation/equipment charge is typically around $200 but depends on the equipment you select. For monitoring, expect to pay an average of $15 to $35 per month.
Who invented the home security system?
Marie Van Brittan Brown invented an early version of the modern home security system in 1966 with the help of her husband, Albert. Simple yet highly advanced for its time, Brown's system made use of peepholes, a closed-circuit camera system, a two-way microphone, and an emergency alarm.
How much does a home security system cost?
The cost of a home security system depends on the size of your home and the number of features you choose. Installation costs an average of $200, while monitoring can range anywhere from $10 - $15 per month for a doorbell camera. Every option has its own spectrum of prices. It's best to decide what suits your needs and price it out from there.
Are home security systems worth it?
When deciding if a home security system is worth the investment, it's important to consider everything you're getting for the cost. A safer place to live is the obvious benefit, but you may also be able to lower your homeowner's insurance, protect your valuables, and of course — peace of mind.
Are wireless home security systems reliable?
Wireless security systems are only reliable if they have a wired backup option. Because of the relative inconsistency in the connection of a wireless network, a lapse in latency or even a momentary connection drop can cause problems if there isn't a wired system to fall back on.
Do you need a permit for a home security system?
Many municipalities and local governments require a permit to activate a home security system. The primary reason is that many alarm systems can automatically notify police and fire response, and governments have instituted regulations to prevent false alarms. Check with your county to be sure.
Is a home security system tax deductible?
Not typically. A home security system is on the IRS's list of nondeductible personal expenses. If you work from home, though, you may be able to deduct part of the cost of your home security system as a business expense.
Are wireless home security systems safe?
Home security systems are intended to make your home safer than it would be without the added protection, but very few home security systems can completely prevent potential crimes. With this in mind, the highest-rated home security systems provide excellent security against a range of threats.
What should I look for in a home security camera system?
A good home security camera system has features for consistent monitoring around the outside of a home and on the property. These include night vision, motion detection, emergency backup connectivity, and ideally, a user-friendly mobile app to monitor activity with.
Do you need a landline for a home security system?
In the past, home security solutions may have been tied to a home phone system, the vast majority today are not. They now operate on a wired or wireless connection to the internet and can be monitored from a wide range of connected devices.
Does having a security system lower home insurance?
Most insurance providers do provide discounts to customers with a working home security system installed. Customers can expect to pay around 15% to 20% lower premiums when their home security system meets predetermined standards set by their insurer.
How do I prewire a house for a home security system?
Prewiring makes it easier to set up a security system for easy installation of alarm system keypads, window and door sensors, and other in-home security hardware. However, many homes are prewired during the construction phase, so if yours isn't, consult with an electrician or general contractor.
What home security systems integrate with smart home software?
Some of the top-rated smart home security systems include Vivint and ADT Command. These systems integrate seamlessly with other smart devices in your home, including Google Nest temperature controls and Alexa-enabled technology. This enables you to control more than just your home security system from a device or console.
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Trail runner suffocated mountain lion after attack west of Fort Collins
Officials confirm man's account in self-defensing killing of the predator in Horsetooth Mountain Park west of Fort Collins.
Trail runner suffocated mountain lion after attack west of Fort Collins Officials confirm man's account in self-defensing killing of the predator in Horsetooth Mountain Park west of Fort Collins. Check out this story on coloradoan.com: https://www.coloradoan.com/story/news/2019/02/05/runner-suffocates-mountain-lion-death-after-attack-near-fort-collins/2776172002/
Miles Blumhardt, Fort Collins Coloradoan Published 8:05 a.m. MT Feb. 5, 2019 | Updated 4:04 p.m. MT Feb. 5, 2019
►UPDATE 2/5: Mountain lion attack: Animal tests negative for rabies, rangers increase patrols and close park
►UPDATE 2/5: Mountain lion attack puts fear in some Fort Collins trail runners
The trail runner attacked by a mountain lion Monday while running in Horsetooth Mountain Park killed the predator by suffocating it.
Colorado Parks and Wildlife officials confirmed the man's account of the attack through further investigation and examining the juvenile mountain lion. A necropsy was performed Monday night on the mountain lion to determine if it was sick or injured, which might have prompted the attack. CPW officials said they expect to have results of the necropsy either today or Wednesday.
The man, whose name and place of residence has not been released, was attacked Monday afternoon while on the West Ridge Trail, which is near Horsetooth Rock.
He told officials he heard something behind him on the trail and as he turned he was attacked. He said he was bitten on his face and wrist but was able to fight and break free from the lion.
Wildlife officers found the mountain lion dead near where the incident took place while looking for items the runner asked them to look for along on the trail.
More: Runner kills mountain lion in self-defense after attack in Horsetooth Mountain Park west of Fort Collins
The man sustained serious but non-life-threatening injuries and hiked down the trail, at least 3 miles, and drove himself to a local hospital, according to CPW.
"The runner did everything he could to save his life,'' said Mark Leslie, CPW's Northeast Region manager. "In the event of a lion attack, you need to do anything in your power to fight back just as this gentleman did.''
The popular park was reopened Monday evening after closing due to the investigation.
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Read or Share this story: https://www.coloradoan.com/story/news/2019/02/05/runner-suffocates-mountain-lion-death-after-attack-near-fort-collins/2776172002/