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Suburban Renewal
North of Dallas, urban planners and developers are battling soulless sprawl with designs that aim to build a spirit of community.
howardwen
https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/suburban-renewal/
From the March 1999 Issue Subscribe
I'M LOOKING FOR THE FUTURE OF SUBURBIA, and I'm lost. I pull into the parking lot of an apartment complex in the North Texas city of Plano and unfold my trusty street map of Dallas and its suburbs. I'm looking for the site of a future development called Austin Ranch, a mixed residential and business neighborhood that its creator, the Billingsley Company of Dallas, describes as a "city-style hometown." Plano is regarded as an "edge city"—a suburb that has grown so immense it is no longer a mere adjunct to or refuge from a city but has essentially become a major city itself. Looking up from my map, I notice my surroundings. New apartment complexes are all around me, but I see no people out and about. Granted, I'm in a residential area on a workday, but the physical desolation and anonymity of this environment is disquieting.
As American suburbs continue inexorably to expand, urban planners have been pondering how the phenomenon of suburban sprawl has affected our quality of life. Their unsurprising consensus? The combination of miles of anonymous strip shopping centers and our overreliance on cars is alienating us from the land, one another, and perhaps even ourselves. But there is good news. Urban planners, together with land developers and architects, have been testing alternatives to the entire concept of the American suburb. Dallas' northern suburbs are especially notorious for their sprawl, so it's fitting that this region is the setting for some innovative suburban developments—like Austin Ranch—that aim to reshape the way we live and work. All of them share the goal of restoring the sense of community and civic life that has been lost amid the cookie-cutter housing and strip retail centers, but each uses a different approach to accomplish it. And all of them want to transport suburbanites to another world that, paradoxically, feels familiar.
Austin Ranch, situated on 1,900 acres of land west of Plano, will adhere to the principles of the New Urbanism, the basic idea of which is the "walkable community": Residential, retail, and civic buildings are laid out within walking distance of one another, thereby lessening dependence on cars. In some areas, land is not zoned exclusively for residential or business use, but rather the two are intermixed: Apartments can be set above stores in a two-story structure, for example. Parks and greenbelts—and the preservation of features of the natural environment—are encouraged.
If the ideal New Urban community sounds like an attempt to recreate the mythic American small town of yesteryear, it's no coincidence. "We asked ourselves, 'What do people really want and what do developers try to build?'" says Jennifer Farmer, a spokesperson for the Billingsley Company. "The answer was consistently 'community,' but very few developers succeed in creating this environment."
Although the New Urbanism theory remains atypical of modern-day urban development, it has its notable examples: Florida's eighteen-year-old Seaside community is one of the oldest and best-known (it's where The Truman Show was filmed), while Disney's Celebration, a small-town-like planned community in Orlando, is one of the newest. While the New Urbanism ideal is to bring together people of different income levels, most of these attempts have resulted in pricey, exclusive refuges from suburbia.
Burgeoning cities in the Dallas area have been slow to adopt the New Urban concept. Four years ago, Flower Mound residents killed a proposal for such a development—to have been designed by the Miami-based architecture firm of Andres Duany, a notable name in the New Urban movement—because, ironically, they felt that the relatively dense building layout and narrower streets typical of New Urban communities might worsen automobile traffic. There are, however, two New Urban developments to the east of Flower Mound: Austin Ranch and a Duany-designed town center for EDS's Legacy Park corporate campus in Plano.
I eventually find my way to the entrance of Austin Ranch, where I meet Lucy Billingsley, the 45-year-old co-owner (with her husband, Henry) of the Billingsley Company. The first phase of the development, consisting of multifamily apartments, will be completed next January. The design of Austin Ranch's residential master plan bears the name of another esteemed player in the New Urban community: Peter Calthorpe of Berkeley, California, who literally wrote the rules for the New Urbanism in his books, The Next American Metropolis and Sustainable Communities: A New Design Synthesis for Cities, Suburbs, and Towns. Billingsley, who describes the design philosophy for her development as "trees and technology," points out the many trees that it will preserve. "The technology frees people from the routine, and the trees allow them the mind-set to concentrate on other important areas in their lives," she explains. Part of the technology she refers to is Ethernet-speed Internet access, a high-priced telecommunications feature typically found in the corporate world that will allow Austin Ranch residents to telecommute more easily.
Saving trees is nice and so is surfing the Net at blazing speeds. But Austin Ranch is being built to satisfy the curious desire of many Dallasites to be someplace in the Dallas area that won't remind them of Dallas. To this end, it will preserve and emphasize the land's rolling topography, replicating the Texas Hill Country—hence its name. Indeed, the hilly landscape, unusual for North Texas, passes as a reasonable facsimile of the terrain around Austin, and I find it hard to believe that just beyond the trees is Plano.
Another kind of suburban experiment is being conducted northwest of the Dallas–Fort Worth airport, in Southlake. Here, developer Brian Stebbins and his partners are using the rules of the New Urbanism to create history. Today, not much about Southlake comes across as particularly interesting. Its strip shopping centers and new neighborhoods of $300,000 houses make this community of 21,180 residents blend in with neighboring cities. Unlike most suburb-cities in the Metroplex, Southlake never had a chance to start out as a small town in the traditional sense; it was sprawled over from the start. It never had the redbrick courthouse and town square with shops and restaurants to serve as the focal point for its community and growth, and these elements are what Stebbins and his partners feel their city needs. They're building a downtown for Southlake on 130 acres of what used to be a family farm on the east side of town, within walking distance of the surrounding residential neighborhoods. When the first phase of Southlake Town Square is completed this month, its look and architecture will span one hundred years.
"We want it to be a real downtown," says David Schwarz, the town square's designer (who also created the Ballpark in Arlington and downtown Fort Worth's Sundance West multi-use complex and Bass Performance Hall). "Downtowns don't spring full-blown. In Southlake we're trying to create an initial fabric that can grow and change over time." Southlake Town Square will, Schwarz says, give Southlake residents "a place to celebrate and come together as a community."
Concept drawings line the walls of a conference room in Stebbins' Southlake offices. They show a hodgepodge of buildings in various architectural styles. The first floors of these buildings will be occupied by stores including chain retailers like the Gap and Starbucks, and the second floors by business offices. The town square's center will be the courthouse, a redbrick building with white columns and tall arched windows. In the drawings, people sit on park benches, ride bikes, or window-shop. Lovers clasp hands; parents hold on to their little children or push baby strollers. Automobiles are present but neatly parked along the streets.
Yet these illustrations don't look much like the traditional Texas small town—which is the point, Stebbins tells me. Since most of Southlake's residents are from other parts of the country, Southlake Town Square will reflect a broad range of styles. "The goal is to evoke small towns across America," he says. "It's not meant to look like a Midwest small town, Texas small town, Colorado small town, or North Carolina small town. It's meant to have pieces of all those towns." Photographs on the conference room's walls illustrate this patchwork concept. There are snapshots of downtown storefronts, water fountains, city parks, and such, but you're not sure where each is actually located. One is a sentimental favorite of the 41-year-old Stebbins: a courthouse in his grandparents' hometown of Washington, Iowa.
The illustrations lining Stebbins' office walls suggest not only Southlake's future but the past it never had. A real downtown consists of many buildings, each built at a different time, each aging differently, each with its own history. Stebbins proudly presents me with samples of the bricks that are being used to construct the town square's facades. Each will have its own type of brick, furthering the illusion of history. "We don't try in our design of the buildings to ape history," says Schwarz, "but rather to combine a series of forms that people can recognize and embrace."
When Stebbins gives me a tour of the town square's site, the facades of some of the buildings have just been put up. The effect is of many separate buildings, equal parts Hollywood set and Old West town. But in reality, the town square is mainly made up of several large buildings with multiple facades. I comment that a corner art deco–style facade is my favorite. Stebbins smiles; after all, there's supposed to be a building to suit every taste.
Way north of Dallas-Fort Worth, on 900 acres of prairie near Denton, the people behind the Big Sky development want to present a reality that is far removed from the suburbs—a concept that could be called the "new ruralism." Big Sky's developers are banking on the preservation of the North Texas prairie as the foundation for a new community, many of whose members will buy an acre of prairie (for approximately $50,000) and build a house in the middle of it. "The layout of the prairie preserve was done very sensitively, to allow each person a direct view of the horizon," says the development's 40-year-old landscape architect, Kevin Sloan. "If residents prefer a more townlike setting, they can buy a house or townhouse in the town [portion] of Big Sky." Everyone will help decide how the community property will be used throughout the seasons—whether crops should be grown on it, for example, and what kind.
Why would anybody, especially a suburbanite, want to sign up for this? To experience the beauty and tranquillity of the open range, say the developers. "Big Sky is about owning your horizon," says Peter Malin, a 47-year-old economist and developer who is one of its creators. "We were looking for a solution to the question of how to preserve the native Texas landscape and at the same time develop it."
Sloan's partner, Dallas architect Max Levy, is responsible for Big Sky's architectural guidelines. "We drive through north-central Texas, through prairie lands, and most of us, whether we realize it or not, are touched by a sense of yearning and loss," Levy says. "We yearn for this landscape to succeed in some lovely way, but we're overcome by a sense of loss, having seen this landscape bulldozed away." His attachment to the Texas prairie has its roots in his childhood. Though Levy, who is 51, grew up "in a typical Leave It to Beaver fifties neighborhood" on the western edge of Fort Worth, his family's house looked out onto undeveloped ranchland. "That view out the kitchen window, of the distant ranchland, was mesmerizing," he recalls.
But does "owning your horizon," the polar opposite of suburban sprawl, have any practical appeal? After all, Big Sky residents will have to drive to Denton or Decatur for most of their shopping needs. And for many, the prairie evokes images of isolation and loneliness. "I think it's possible to achieve the same housing density in a prairie setting that you typically have in a residential neighborhood and yet still preserve a sense of prairie," says Levy. Adds Sloan, "The town is going to be much more tight than what you find in your usual suburban sprawl. That's compensated for by the more rural lots out in the prairie."
Levy's design guidelines for Big Sky's one- and two-story prairie houses aim to keep them small and their style spartan: White and gray are the dominant colors, and the materials are brick, limestone, wood siding, and for the roofs, corrugated sheet metal—in essence, the materials used for building barns. Big Sky's architectural philosophy is "to build simply in a simple landscape," Levy says. "Out on the prairie, anything you build is silhouetted against the horizon. When you build a complicated form, your pleasure in looking out at the horizon gets tangled up."
Levy, an adjunct professor at the University of Texas at Arlington, had his graduate architecture students design houses for Big Sky; their models were exhibited at the Arlington Museum of Art last summer. Some of them look, as expected, like barns, though larger and with a modern feel. Others, with their use of trees and small outbuildings in addition to the main house, are adept examples of achieving harmony with the prairie environment. In some of the models the bedrooms, kitchen, living room, and garage occupy separate buildings, connected by breezeways. And all of the models adhere to Big Sky's credo that no building should distract the viewer's attention from the prairie landscape.
Malin has invited me to a dinner party he's throwing on the Big Sky prairie for a couple who will be the development's first residents. On the ten-mile drive from Denton, the surroundings become increasingly desolate as buildings give way to expanses of open prairie. Once I arrive, standing in the midst of the prairie, I notice how remarkably pleasant the weather is. Despite highs in the upper 90's, the breeze cools things down considerably.
Jim and Carolyn Clark, a Dallas couple approaching retirement age, are Big Sky's pioneers. At the dinner party, Jim Clark, a businessman who runs his own company, tells me about his vision for their new house on the prairie. The Camp, as he likes to call it, will be designed by Levy and consist of separate buildings to afford maximum privacy for its residents and their guests.
He describes their main house in a tony Dallas neighborhood as "international style, modern, very reminiscent of the Bauhaus and European architecture of the thirties"; it sounds fairly high-maintenance. Their second home at Big Sky will be its antithesis. "It will be extremely modern but have influences of traditional Texas farm- and ranch-type architecture," Clark says. Most important, the Camp will expose its residents and guests to the outside elements. If it's raining, you'll get wet as you move from the bedroom to the kitchen, because, he says, that's the way things should be out on the prairie. Suburban life in North Texas is too insulated, he feels—people move from an air-conditioned house to an air-conditioned car to an air-conditioned office building. It's not going to be that way at the Camp, Clark tells me, sounding almost gleeful.
I'm not sure whether I can see the future of the North Texas exurban landscape as prairie dotted with "camps," but Malin and his partners are right about one thing: The view out here is beautiful. Sitting in lawn chairs, we watch the sun set, and as the stars come out, I have a sense of isolation. This time, though, it's not a feeling of desolation but one of calm.
Dallasite Howard Wen has written for Wired and Salon.
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Tags: Architecture, Arlington, Dallas, Denton, Fort Worth, Suburbs, Urban Planning
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We're starting something new here at Jobs2Careers—end of week roundups of articles we've found all over the internet that we think you'll find useful. We read about recruiting and talent acquisition every day and want to share best content you might have missed.
No time to catch up on your feed? Let us do the legwork for you!
From LinkedIn's Talent Blog: How Netflix Reimagined the Recruiter-Hiring Manager Relationship. Three elements that make Netflix's culture unique, with takeaways on how you can cultivate the same kind of relationships.
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From SourceCon: Finding Female Engineers on LinkedIn. Speaking of diversity, see how one female software engineer's experience inspired the hashtag #ILookLikeAnEngineer.
From Workology: Employees Don't Like How You're Talking to Them. According to a new study 45% of workers are unhappy with how senior management communicates important information to them. How can you improve your company's internal messaging?
From TLNT: How to Mentor Your HR Newbie. Do you remember your first HR job? Do you have beginners like that in your HR department? Then you need to jump right in and mentor them.


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So, Nick Cannon Told T.I. He's Never Getting Married Again—And I've Got A Few Thoughts /
So, Nick Cannon Told T.I. He's Never Getting Married Again—And I've Got A Few Thoughts
Nick Cannon had a lot to say on relationships yesterday. Today, so did I.
Shellie R. Warren
Sep. 24, 2019 07:16PM EST
I like Nick Cannon. Sure, I don't agree with everything he has to say—P.S., we've got to stop acting like we're supposed to in order to appreciate what someone brings to the table and the culture—but ever since I saw his video "Can I Live?" many years ago, there's been a part of me that has respected his candor. Yesterday was no different. As he and T.I. (or is it Tip? I can't recall what Mr. Harris prefers these days) chopped it up on T.I.'s new podcast ExpediTIously, the segment where he discussed why he'll never get married again, it particularly caught my attention (of course, it did. I'm a woman, a relationships writer and a marriage life coach).
Nick Cannon On Why He's Never Getting Married Again | ExpediTIously Podcast www.youtube.com
And because he said, right around the 6:13 mark, "I wish we had some women up in here because there's nothin' but testosterone goin' back and forth", when it comes to a few of his points, I simply wanted to share some of my own thoughts (after reading this, in the comment section, I invite y'all to do the same). Not because there is necessarily a right or wrong to all of this. But because, I believe, with everything in me, that one of the biggest problems in romantic relationships is, we don't listen to what the opposite sex is saying. We dismiss it. We judge it. We berate and denounce it. But we tend to not truly listen. And when it comes to what Nick said—along with some of my male friends who offered insight and clarity—I think a lot of emotional disappointment and relational drama could be spared if we actually did. Share our side? Sure. But give the floor to the flip of it? Also, yes.
Nick on What He Had to "Unlearn" in Life:
media.giphy.com
"My behavior when it comes to women. It's a whole new paradigm shift. Because I come from the culture of wantin' to be pimpin' and wantin' to be, you know, glorifying the aspect of disrespecting women. I'm still unlearning it, I'm gonna be honest, because my music is still using 'bitch', still using 'ho', but you know, at the same time, we're comin' into this world like, we're embracing our queens; we're gettin' back to that idea of uplifting a woman and understanding that the Black woman is god. But it's a hard thing to unlearn when it's been perpetuated from our music to our movies to sexism, in general, treatin' women like second-class citizens."
Kudos to Nick on this one. My senior year in high school/freshman year in college (1992) is when there was an episode of A Different World entitled "Someday Say Ho!" It was about Charmaine being called a "digit ho" by her math classmate, Terrell. He had to go before the school board because of it. You know, it's kind of amazin' that it really wasn't all that long ago when hearing a woman being called a "ho"—by a man or a woman, even if that woman is her friend—was considered to be highly-offensive. But I digress. Anyway, this part of what Nick said is important because it should be a reminder to us all that, whether it's "popular" or not, being seen as royalty is something that we as women should require regardless. When it comes to valuing Black women, giving the honor that is due is not a trend. Full stop.
Nick on If He'll Ever Marry Again:
"I don't think I'll ever be able to be with just one woman again; that's gonna be tough for me. I did it in a marriage; I was very faithful in my marriage…the whole time I was married…but once I stepped away, I was like, 'That construct is not designed for me.'"
Something that I was telling a male friend of mine last night is I wonder if we as women are willing to even entertain that we might be a part of the reason why so many men seem to feel this way. Wasn't it in the intro of the movie Think Like a Man where Kevin Hart narrated that a part of the reason why men "prized" marriage was because they knew they weren't going to get sex any other way? And these days, a lot of us are giving way more than our treasure box. We cook for men, clean for men, help men with their bills—we act like we're their wife without even remotely requiring that they act like they're our husband. So honestly, I get why and how Nick could come to this conclusion. I used to be the kind of woman who would help a man get to this exact place (see "Why You're Always The One Who Prepares A Man For His Wife").
Still, I think there's a bigger point here. Nick said that he does not want to get married. He stated that it's not the proper construct for him. Right after saying that, he went on to share that he doesn't believe in marriage. So, why did he marry Mariah Carey? I believe his exact quote was, "I don't believe in marriage, but s—t, it's Mariah Carey. Whatever she says, I'm with it." He also said that he knows he'll never be in a relationship again ("never" is a really strong word and a really long time, Nick). This is what came out of his own mouth. Nick actually said some form of this, several times, during this 13:32 minute portion of the podcast.
If Google is right, Nick will be 39 on October 8 (Happy Birthday in advance, sir). Although he has accomplished a lot, he is still relatively young. There is still plenty of time for him to evolve into other views and perspectives; like all of us, he still has the right to change his mind. But for now, he said marriage is the furthest thing from what he wants. He doesn't desire a wife. It doesn't matter how wonderful the woman may be. It doesn't matter how much he digs her company. It doesn't matter how good the sex may be either. He's not interested. He clearly said it.
Y'all, when a man tells us where he's at, it's not our job to try and convince him otherwise or to attempt to detect or decipher what he "really" means.
The reason why I wrote "One Overlooked Yet Obvious Indicator That A Man Is Husband Material" on this platform last December is because I used to be notorious for not taking men at their word; for thinking that since we had some sort of connection, they wanted the same kind that I did—if not immediately, eventually. I had to accept that taking that type of approach was not only semi-delusional but disrespectful to those men as well. Disrespectful? Yep. How would you feel if you told a guy something and he didn't take you seriously? See what I mean? It's OK to want what you want. It's also OK for a man not to want what you want. The key is to know when to let him go so that you can get to what you want. So that you both can be happy.
Nick on Why He Doesn't Want to Get Married Again:
"I don't wanna be responsible for nobody else's happiness. Like, I'm still tryin' to figure out my s—t. I'm still tryin' to get my shit together…and, the fact that I have a condition that, stress, [it] puts me in the hospital on some lupus-type shit. And, to me, all relationships equal stress. I ain't never been in a relationship that wasn't stressful. Whether I was puttin' the stress on myself, or she was puttin' the stress on me…ever since I've been out of relationships, I haven't been back in the hospital… I love women, I love various women, and they understand how I move."
A wise person once said, "We all need to learn the difference between who we are responsible for vs. who we are responsible to." Although the responsibilities that a man has with a wife vs. a girlfriend are different, a woman with a healthy sense of self-worth knows that no man is "responsible for" her happiness; that is something she is to figure out on her own. But if what Nick is saying is he doesn't want a lot of relational responsibilities, period…then yeah, he should remain single. And again, kudos for him saying that he needs the time and space to get his own life together. No one should be out here "saving" folks. Let your Creator do that.
That said, the reality check for me was when Nick said that since he has not been with a woman, he has not been in the hospital either. Yikes. This one really hit home because I'm in sessions all of the time where I'm either looking at the husband or wife like, "Geeze, if you're like this here, I can only imagine what you're like at home." It definitely reminds me of what my final boyfriend once said, "A woman should be a man's sanctuary." It also reminds me of one of my favorite check-yo'self-before-you-wreck-yo' self Scriptures: "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." (Proverbs 14:1—NLT) Oh, this one too—"It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop [on the flat oriental roof, exposed to all kinds of weather] than in a house shared with a nagging, quarrelsome, and fault-finding woman." (Proverbs 21:9—AMPC)
Love and stress are not synonyms. All of us could stand to remember that on a daily basis.
That's what I have to say to us. What I will say to Nick and men in general, is I hear you. Just make sure that when you say "stress", you're not really meaning "responsibility". You know, I thought it was interesting that Nick did say that he wanted more children, just not a committed relationship. I don't know any relationship more "stressful" than the one parents have with their children and Nick, you're all for signing up for more of that. So sir, while I definitely think that every woman reading this should strive to be a "sanctuary space", at the same time, with TIME articles like "A Good Marriage May Help You Live Longer. Here's Why" and Vice's "Marriage Makes People Happier, New Study Finds", I'd encourage you to reflect on if it's relationships that are stress-filled or if it's the women who you're choosing to be in those relationships with. Or…could it be you, as you also mentioned? Just sayin'.
Nick's Feelings on Love:
"I'm still a hopeless romantic. Just because I don't believe in relationships, doesn't mean I don't believe in love…I have certain situations where I'm like, 'Yo. I want this person to be in my life forever, but I don't wanna sign no paperwork with 'em''…why we gotta bring in government into this? I don't f—k with them already."
Ah, the government. If you don't know the history behind where marriage licenses in the United States came from, it's not a pretty story. It was basically a way to "police" interracial relationships. Still, whenever someone (usually a guy) tells me that they don't see the point in getting married because "it's just a piece of paper", I'm always like, "Then hand me the deed to your house or title to your car." Yeah, don't come at me with that. A marriage is a contract, no doubt. Benefits come with it too.
A woman who desires marriage is worthy of one. Again, full stop.
Aside from that, I will say that, although Nick seems to live, eat and breathe commitment-phobia, that doesn't mean that what he said here was contradictory or ridiculous. I know some men who feel the same way—that just because they don't desire a long-term commitment, that doesn't mean that they don't know how to love, or that they don't love. I think the reason why this is hard for a lot of women to accept is because, when they see all of the blaring red flags that a serious relationship isn't in the cards, it's usually after they've given their all. As a result, they feel gypped and resentful. I've got a couple of non-committers who love me. We get along just fine…now. Why? It's simple really. Since they don't want what I do, we're just friends. When you accept that out the gate, it's easy to care for—and be cared for by—someone who isn't on the same page as you but still has something of value to bring into your life (if indeed you feel that is the case).
Here's a Doozy—Nick's Feelings on the Purpose of Marriage:
"I believe that relationships, in mainly marriage, is designed to please women. Just because, they get the dress, they get the ring, and all of that stuff. All of their life, they're talking about oh, getting the husband…Like even at my wedding, I was a part of the wedding. Tell me where to stand, where to go, I'll be there. I'll repeat what this nigga say and…"
T.I. (in agreement on wedding planning, in general): "I've never seen anything that was so much of a racket."
A wise man once said, "God and a good wife are two of the best things that a man can have." That said, something that I tell brides-to-be all of the time is, "So, you're a bride for a day. You're a wife after that." Meaning, if you're a wife who's reading this, don't you find it interesting that Nick said that marriage is designed to please women, but then he immediately went into weddings to illustrate his point?" Personally, I will say that there aren't too many things that irritate me more than a woman who exclaims the Bridezilla statement, "It's MY day!" while she's in the wedding planning process. If you're taking your marriage seriously, your wedding day is an official declaration and celebration of your union; not of you to yourself but you to your husband. So, no…it's not just your day. It's y'all's day. Maybe if more of us saw it like that, less men would think about wedding like Nick does.
But Nick—and I think this is a great place to end this piece—I've heard you speak of God and the Bible often throughout your career. Again, even when it comes to religion and spirituality, humans tend to evolve. But I will say that when a woman was first introduced in Scripture, the word that was used is "helper" (Genesis 2:18).
God knew that men needed our help. And while being married to the right husband (which is another message for another time) means that we are loved, cherished and valued in a way that is truly incomparable, don't ever get it twisted—when a man is married to a good—and his right—wife, it pleases him. The help—"to give or provide what is necessary to accomplish a task or satisfy a need; contribute strength or means to; render assistance to; cooperate effectively with; aid; assist—that he receives, daily, most certainly pleases—brings pleasure and satisfaction—to him. I can send you at least 10 email addresses, off the top of my head, of husbands who will certainly vouch for that.
Again, although I didn't agree with all that Nick had to say, it did offer up some food for thought. It reminded me that in order to have my views respected, I need to respect the views of others; that men and women are not the same and it's OK because God made it that way, and again, when a man says something, whether I like, agree with it or not, I need to take it at face value. It spares a lot of unnecessary-ness. It helps to keep things clear and peaceful too.
Thanks for showing up in my YouTube feed yesterday, T.I. and Nick. This was the kind of talk—that needs to happen more often on both sides of the gender fence—for sure.
You can check out the entire part of the podcast here.
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Shellie R. Warren is a lover of quotes, lip gloss, graphic t-shirts, silver jewelry and Pumas. She's an author with two published books (thus far) on matters of the heart. In fact, 2019 was the 15-year anniversary of her first release ' Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption' (she's seriously mulling over penning a sequel to it) and 2020 marked her 20-year anniversary of being a (mostly) full-time writer. Aside from that, when Shellie's not tellin' all her business, she's helping couples (marriage life coach) or assisting with birthing babies (doula). Her byline is all over cyberspace, but where you won't find her is on social media. Like anywhere. At all. If you need to hit her up, she's (usually) reachable at missnosipho at gmail.com, though. HOWEVER, pitches for xoNecole need to go to editor@xonecole. Hit her up for *strictly* Shellie-related stuff. Again, pitch article ideas to the site addy NOT HER. Much appreciated.
Start Your Sex Life Off Right This Year With These 12 Themes
Whew. The more that I read, write and talk about sex, the more I realize that there will never be a time when I'll learn all that there is to know. And honestly, that's kind of what I like so much about it — sex has got layers and layers and even more layers to it. So, let's use that to our advantage in 2022 by making this the year that we're absolutely determined to have some of the best sex EVER, starting with implementing some monthly themes; ones that can help us to experience more when it comes to how we see ourselves, how to please our partner and how to enjoy sex on a whole 'nother level!
JANUARY: Purging
Let me tell it, one of the main reasons why a lot of New Year's Resolutions don't work is because people try and implement new habits before purging out some of the old mindsets that caused the bad/unhealthy/counterproductive patterns in the first place. Sex fits into this point. Whether it's poor sexual communication, faking orgasms, fantasizing about past sexual partners (while you're engaging with your current sexual partner), getting horrible sex-related advice from other people, being too hard on yourself when it comes to your body image, or lack of sexual confidence (check out "10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem") — whatever the case may be, use the first month of this year to really purge (to rid, clear or free) whatever you think is hindering you from having the best sex life possible.
If you need a little help with narrowing down what those things may be, "The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)" and "Why 'Vaginal Mapping' Needs To Be Part Of Your Healing Journey" may be able to help you out.
FEBRUARY: Stamina
Here's what's a trip about this point. Whenever I'm in my sessions with couples, it's not just the wives who talk about wishing that their husbands lasted longer. Once husbands get their second wind (with round two), a lot of them say that their wives become worn out quicker than they would like to as well. It's actually pretty Google-able that men only need around five minutes to climax while we sit somewhere at around 20 (including foreplay). Yet who said that sex — especially when it's really good sex — shouldn't go for longer than even that? This is where stamina comes into play. Not just physical stamina (check out "We've Got Some All-Natural Ways To Increase Stamina & Sensitivity") but mental stamina too (check out "What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation?").
By honing in on ways to make sex last longer, it can help you and your partner to learn more about each other's sexual needs and how to make sex about more than just "reaching the mountaintop" at the end. This includes all kinds of sex, by the way; not just intercourse (check out "12 Things You Should Do During Oral Sex (That You Probably Aren't)," "Want To Have Hotter Oral Sex? STOP Doing These 8 Things.," "Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try This.," "If Your Man Sucks At Oral Sex, This Is Probably Why," "How To Make Him Better At Oral (Without Putting Him On The Spot)" and "Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?").
MARCH: Daily Sex
So, here's a question. When's the last time you had sex, every single day, for a month straight? Whenever I'm dealing with a sexless couple (who is physically capable), this is oftentimes what I will recommend. The reason why is because, while there are dozens of reasons for why people in long-term relationships allow sex to become less of a priority, one of the main ones is they have simply stopped being intentional about it. It's hard to get into the habit of treating something like it's absolutely essential if it's a part of your daily routine, so why not use the first month of spring to either get your sex life back on track or to find new ways to get closer to your partner by committing to some sort of sexual activity, every single day of March (and yes, I know that it's 31 days)?
If you need a little help figuring all of this out, "Having Sex Every Day. For A Month. Straight. Can Transform Your Marriage.," "10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex," "How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids," "Why Couples Should Engage In 'Midnight Sex' More Often," "Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier," and "The Truth About Period Sex" can offer up a few insights.
APRIL: Nostalgia
When it comes to the definitions of nostalgia, one that I personally like a lot is "a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life." That said, isn't it interesting that when we talk about taking walks down memory lane on the romance tip, recreating first dates immediately comes to mind but not really recreating first sexual experiences? When it comes to the first time you had with your partner, what are your favorite memories about it? When it comes to the best sex you've ever had with your partner, what qualifies it to have that title?
Setting the stage for some of your moment cherished and treasured times, sending each other random texts and emails to talk about it, returning to the "scene of the crime" by booking the exact same reservation in a hotel room that brings a big smile to your face — make that the theme for April. It will help to cultivate warmth and familiarity that can set the stage for May.
MAY: Experimentation
Aside from the fact that experimentation can help to keep boredom from settling into your sexual relationship, there are other benefits that come with trying things that you've never done before, entertaining ideas that you're super curious about, and/or doing certain things that you haven't experienced with your current partner as of yet. Sexual experimentation strengthens communication. Sexual experimentation helps you to learn more about your (and his) erogenous zones (check out "So, What If 'Typical Erogenous Zones' Annoy TF Outta You?"). Sexual experimentation can tear down walls of fear or intimidation that you may have about certain acts or activities. Sexual experimentation can intensify your orgasms. Sexual experimentation can introduce you to a side of yourself you may not have known existed — because you never really experimented before.
One of the best ways to get this month going is to either create or share your sexual bucket list with your partner. And because this month is all about experimentation, try doing the things (on his list as well as yours) that challenge you the most…first. You know, one of the best things about experimenting, sexually, is it's all about trust — and the more you trust your partner, in every facet of your relationship, the better your relationship will become over time.
JUNE: Nudity
There is something special about people who don't mind having sex in the daytime or with the lights on. Whether they realize it or not, it conveys a level of self-confidence that only makes sexual interaction that much better…and hotter. Besides, it's absolutely no secret that most men are stimulated visually, and trust me, it's also the case that we tend to be WAY HARDER on our bodies than they are about them (men tell me this all of the time). So, meet up for midday sex and refuse to close your blackout curtains. Cook dinner sometimes with nothing or only panties on. If you're not sleeping naked already, what the heck is holding you up?
If it's been a minute since you've TOTALLY DISROBED (because I know people who like to keep something on during sex, every single time) or even took off your wig or weave (I also know men who have NEVER seen their partner's natural hair) — it's June which is the first month of summer. It's hot, so why not use this as an opportunity to wear as little as possible, for as long as possible. Your partner won't complain one bit. I can promise you that.
JULY: Orgasms. Lots and Lots of Orgasms.
Since I've been writing for this platform, there really is no telling how many articles I've written on orgasms. The reason why I'm so passionate about making sure that we tackle this particular topic, just as thoroughly as possible, is because if there is one thing that all women deserve to have, as much as absolutely possible, it's orgasms. Not because sex can't be good without them but because if you've ever had one before, you know the kind of true fulfillment an orgasm can bring. So yeah, in the month when fireworks are going off more than any other time of the year, strive to have as many orgasms as possible. Can't think of a more satisfying way to live life. Can you?
AUGUST: Dirty Talk
Personally, my top love language is words of affirmation, so it doesn't shock me in the least that I am a HUGE fan of dirty talk. I mean, HUGE. If you want a scientific reason for why a lot of us are turned on by "dirty" words, it's because hearing them stimulates the part of our brain that brings us to physical sexual arousal; this makes complete and total sense when you consider the fact that the biggest sex organ that all of us have is our brain. That said, just like there are some people who hate kissing (what in the world?), I know some who aren't turned on by, as Kelly Rowland once put it, verbal "Motivation" either (again, what in the world?).
Still, if you're someone who doesn't participate in dirty talk because you are self-conscious or scared of "not doing it right," this month has your name written all over it. Start off my reading erotica with your partner (take turns with chapters). Verbally describe what you like doing to him and what you like him to do to you. Talk about the last sexual memory you have that drove you up the wall in the best way possible. Think about the words that you like to hear most when you're aroused and ask him to whisper them during copulation. Amp up your sexting game (check out "Let's Talk About Sext: 30 Sexts You Can Send To Bae Right Now").
If you've never really done much dirty talking before, I get how the thought of it could make you a little shy. Look at it this way, though — if you're comfortable with letting someone literally enter you, stepping out of your comfort zone to verbally "go there" shouldn't seem quite as frightening or frustrating. I don't know one man who hates some nasty dialogue. And personally, I can't think of one way that dirty talking would make sex worse instead of better.
SEPTEMBER: Mindfulness
When you get a chance, check out "How About Having A 'Mindful Orgasm' Tonight?." Something that I have always been a fan of is mindfulness because it's all about 1) staying in the moment; 2) being self-aware; 3) getting still; 4) remaining focused; 5) becoming curious; 6) being attentive and 7) getting out of your head and enjoying things as they come — and how can any of this not be the recipe for great sex? So y'all, September is pretty simple. Get together with your partner to discuss things that you both can do, sexually, that check off the boxes of what it means to be mindful.
Take all of the clocks out of your bedroom. Talk about what your deepest sexual desires and urges are. Do some deep breathing and mutual massaging. Be intentional about not allowing anyone or anything to distract you while you're cultivating intimacy with your partner. Explore each other. Ask non-triggering sex-related questions that you've always been wanting the answers to. Pay attention to your partner's responses and reactions to different things that you do. Don't overthink your actions or techniques — just have fun. Sexual mindfulness is pretty underrated but it shouldn't be. Use this entire month to make it something that you become a lasting fan of.
OCTOBER: Fulfilled Fantasies
An aphorist by the name of Mason Cooley once said, "Fantasy mirrors desire. Imagination reshapes it." I think all of this is a great way to set the stage for October's sexual theme because I personally believe that having fantasies and wanting to fulfill them with your partner is an essential part of having a satisfying sex life because it does just what the quote says — taps into desires and builds on imagination. I can assure you that both you and your partner have some fantasies that have gone unfulfilled; it's just that rarely do these things come up unless one is prompted to discuss them.
So, whether it's playing dress-up, having sex in a "taboo" location, experimenting with certain toys, taping a session (check out "Before You Make A DIY Sex Tape, Read This."), engaging in some prostate milking (check out "What In The World Is 'Prostate Milking'? And Chile, How Do You Do It?"), becoming a squirting expert (check out "Is Squirting Really Worth The Hype?") — whatever is running around in that brain of yours — so long as it won't damage the integrity of your relationship and you both are down to try it — use this month to make it happen. Fulfilled fantasies are always fun!
NOVEMBER: Emotional Intimacy
Last fall, I wrote an article for the site entitled, "6 Genuine Signs You're Making An Emotional Connection With Your Sex Partner." One of the points that I made in it is, I don't care if it's a man or a woman or what the age of the individual might be, I don't personally know anyone who doesn't think that sex is better when there is some sort of emotional connection that's established. So, if it seems like there is a bit of a "disconnect" between you and yours, set aside some time to get back on the same page. Go on some dates. Share some recent aspirations and goals. Affirm one another. Talk about your current feelings and be a good sounding board for him to do the same.
Do gestures that express appreciation. Toast each other with glasses of wine or apple cider. Turn off all of your gadgets (at least a few times a week) so that you can engage in some pillow talk. Admit when you're wrong (without justifying or deflecting) and apologize. Forgive him when he does the same. Come up with a list of things neither one of you has ever done before (outside of sex) and do them together. Emotional intimacy cultivates safety and sex is oh so good when you feel safe with the one you're having it with.
DECEMBER: Topping Yourself
After 11 months of themes and exercises, it's my hope that your sex life has only gotten better. Prove that to one another by using all of December to create the environment to have some of the best sex either of you has ever had — not just with one another but in your entire lives! In fact, if you can, try and plan some sort of sexcation. It's January now, so you've got plenty of time to save some coins and book a reservation. I'm telling you — when it's purposed in your mind to make each experience better than the one before, there's no way that sex can't become more pleasurable, more exciting, and more gratifying than ever!
Oh, and if you're like me and you try to support Black-owned businesses as much as possible, Condé Nast published an article last spring entitled, "Black-Owned Hotels Throughout the World" that I'm thinking could definitely be the icing on the cake of your sexcation, chile. ENJOY!
Featured image by Giphy
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Halle Berry Did One Thing Differently With Van Hunt That Made Their Love Stronger
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Halle Berry can't stop gushing over her relationship with Van Hunt. The Academy award-winning actress confirmed her relationship with the singer in September 2020 after dropping hints here and there on social media and since then they have gone on record about their love.
The couple made their first red carpet appearance at the 2021 Oscars and apparently their "1st date night" according to Van's IG post. Most recently, Halle spoke with AARP's magazine about her relationship and what makes her connection with Van different from past men she's dated. "I have this new amazing love in my life," Halle said.
"Because of COVID, we spent four months talking on the phone. We were forced to let only our brains connect and discover if we had a connection before our bodies decided to get involved. I'd never done it this way. I fell in love with his mind, his conversation."
Yes, for the mental stimulation!
The Bruised actress is a mother to two children, Maceo, who she shares with her ex-husband Oliver Martinez and Nahla who she shares with ex Gabriel Aubry. Halle has been married a total of three times, but it seems her newfound love is rubbing off on her children particularly her 8-year-old son.
In November, Halle shared on "Live with Kelly and Ryan" about the commitment ceremony her son performed for her and Van in the backseat of a car, but with speaking to AARP, she revealed what she thinks is the motive behind Maceo doing that.
"I really believe I've found my person. My son Maceo on his own did this little commitment ceremony for us in the back seat of the car," she said. "I think he finally sees me happy, and it's infectious. It was his way of saying, 'This is good. This makes me happy.'"
Fans thought the couple actually got married in January after the actress shared a photo of them standing at what appeared to be an altar with the caption, "well… IT'S OFFICIAL."
After sending social media into a frenzy, Halle cleared up the post with another photo claiming that they were "just having some New Year's Day fun! People clearly don't swipe as much as we thought they did. [laughing emoji] thank you for the well wishes, tho', it really touched our hearts! Now it's OFFICIAL, the internet is no longer undefeated [tongue out emoji] #nomoreswipes4me #Januaryfoolsday."
Featured image by Robin L Marshall/WireImage/Getty Images
One Of These Black Women Might Be Appointed To The U.S. Supreme Court And Make History
It looks like President Joe Biden is keeping his promise to nominate a Black woman to the U.S. Supreme Court. During his 2020 campaign, Biden vowed to name a Black woman to serve in the U.S. Supreme Court and now the opportunity has come. Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer officially announced his retirement on Thursday leaving the president to fill the seat.
While a decision has not been made yet, there is a supposed shortlist featuring Black women that are being considered to succeed Justice Breyer.
Federal Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, California Supreme Court Justice Leondra Kruger, and Judge J. Michelle Childs are said to be the frontrunners for the seat on the nation's highest court.
Federal Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson
Federal Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson was on former President Obama's shortlist in 2016. After being confirmed to an appellate court, Jackson was the first Black woman to do so in a decade. As a Harvard Law graduate, she has worked as a public defender and clerked on the Supreme Court for judges, similarly to the recently-retired Breyer.
During her eight and a half years on D.C.'s U.S. District Court, Jackson has advocated for people who have been taken advantage of by persons in power. An example is the AFGE, AFL-CIO v. Trump, case where she overturned three of former President Donald Trump's executive orders that limited federal workers' rights to engage with union representatives.
California Supreme Court Justice Leondra Kruger
California Supreme Court Justice Leondra Kruger graduated from Yale Law and was the editor of the Yale Law Journal, making her the first Black woman to hold that title. She continued making history as she also became one of the youngest people to ever be nominated to California's Supreme Court. Not to mention, when working with the U.S. Justice Department, she argued 12 cases in front of the U.S. Supreme Court.
Many people who have worked with Kruger said that she is very thoughtful and cautious with making decisions. If selected, she will not only be the first Black woman to serve on the court, she will also be the youngest confirmed justice since Clarence Thomas in 1991.
Judge J. Michelle Childs
Last month, Biden nominated Judge J. Michelle Childs to serve on the D.C. Circuit after serving as the U.S. District Judge for the District of South Carolina and now she may potentially make it to the Supreme Court. Childs' educational background is a little different than Kruger's and Jackson's as she didn't attend Ivy League schools.
Born in Detriot and raised in South Carolina, Childs attended the University of South Carolina's Law School and got her Masters of Law in Judicial Studies at Duke University. During her time as a District Court Judge, she ruled in favor of two women who were suing the state of South Carolina to have their marriage be recognized, which was a landmark decision on marriage equality.
If nominated, because of their ages, Kruger, 45, Jackson, 51, and Childs 55, will serve on the Supreme Court for decades.
There are only nine seats on the U.S. Supreme Court and there has never been a Black woman on it. This means that one of the aforementioned women can make history and be a changemaker in decisions such as the Roe v. Wade landmark Supreme Court case that is currently being challenged and could potentially be overturned.
Having Black female representation on the high court is not only a visual image of Black girl magic, but it can also influence politics in a positive way.
Supreme Court case decisions have historically changed the landscape of America and having a Black woman as one of the faces behind the bench is important to the future of Black women's rights in this country.
Biden is expected to announce his decision before February.
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Kelly Rowland Reveals How She Uses Powerful Affirmations To Overcome Self-Doubt
Over the years, Kelly Rowland has been open about her insecurities and lack of self-confidence in her skin, but now she's sharing how affirmations helped her overcome self-doubt. The "Motivation" singer spoke with Hello Beautiful about the many challenges women face when looking in the mirror. "My biggest insecurity would probably be, one of the many, I usually challenge how smart I am," she said.
When that happens, Kelly likes to send herself flowers and little notes that remind her of how smart she actually is. A technique I think we all can benefit from. But that's not all. The singer also speaks positive affirmations to herself, which can also be a helpful tool.
"I counter it immediately, by telling myself, you are capable. You make great decisions. You are very smart. You make great decisions. Look at all the decisions you've made in the past," she said. Speaking of the past, Kelly has talked about how as a dark skin woman, she struggled with her beauty.
In 2013, she did a red carpet interview where she revealed how Tina Knowles Lawson helped her love her "chocolatiness." "You know what I had great women in my life to help me overcome that. I remember I went through a period where I didn't embrace my 'chocolatiness,'" she said. "I don't know if that's a word, but I didn't embrace my chocolate lifestyle. Just being a chocolate, lovely brown skin girl and being proud of that."
"I remember Tina Knowles, Bey's mom and I remember being out in the sun and I was trying to shield myself from the sun and she said, 'Are you crazy?' She said 'You are absolutely gorgeous,' and she just told me how beautiful I was and how rare chocolate is and how gorgeous the skin is, all of this stuff. And I was just like 'Yeah!' Like a light went off."
She added, "So between her and my mother and then me sitting out in the sun a little more, just to be a little more chocolate. You just embrace it. You embrace everything that you are as a woman, even your flaws too."
That is the reason why the mother of two was moved by the February 2022 British Vogue issue that featured all dark skin, African women.
"I lost my mind and posted it immediately," she said. "I'll never forget looking at a Vogue cover years ago and I saw three white women — all blonde — and they said this is what beauty looks like."
She continued, "This cover literally made my eyes well up because it's like the moment did the complete opposite and he [Edward Enninful] has no idea what he did to my soul. It erased that memory out of my head. I want to genuinely write him a letter and thank him — it meant so much to me as a brown girl."
Featured image by Rich Fury/Getty Images
What Is Sex Magic & Why You Should Be Practicing It
Racquel Coral
I don't know who needs to hear this, but sis, it's time for you to start having better sex. And not for the obvious reasons. Yes, we all know that sex is great for boosting the immune system, improving your sleep, clearing your skin, and is a form of preventative medicine. But did you also know that sex is a great inclusion to your manifestation practices? When exercised properly, your orgasms can be the gateway to getting the things you ultimately want in life. This can be achieved through a little-known practice called "sex magic."
Now sex magic is a tantric ritual dating back to the 19th century. It is the practice of harnessing your sexual energy and your power to bring the things you want in life to fruition. It can be done either by yourself through solo pleasure or with your partner(s). What's most important is that when you do begin your sex magic practice, you remain grounded, keeping your intentions as the focal point.
How to Practice Sex Magic
There is no perfect way to practice sex magic. There are no specific intentions that you should set. You don't have to share anything with anyone. And best of all, you don't even need to have an orgasm. So for those who struggle with achieving the "Big O," you too can still engage in sex magic as long as you remain focused on your energy.
Before practicing sex magic always create a welcoming environment. One that feels comfortable and keeps you present and at ease. This could mean lighting candles, burning incense, donning your sexiest lingerie, or playing music that gets you in the mood. You should also hone in on your intentions.
Whether it's writing out your goals, creating checklists, or even using the vision boards that many of you have recently made, begin to visualize yourself having the things you want.
Focus on the Outcome You Desire
As you begin to focus on your desires, it is important to be specific. Like with all manifestation practices, being specific is key as we truly have the power to speak things into existence. That and you don't want to get less than or something not quite what you're asking for. If you want a million dollars, see yourself receiving that amount. If you want a new house, see the exact house you want. If you want to travel more, see yourself getting on planes and going to places you have always dreamed of.
Whatever it is that you want to manifest for yourself, keep that image in your mind when it's time for the main event. For an added bonus, you can even include your sex magic practice with your New or Full Moon rituals. You can also incorporate crystals, essential oils, and/or herbs.
While having sex, whether it be with yourself or someone else, focus on your breath and embrace those feelings of walking into your manifestations throughout your body. If you want, you can begin to calmly and silently repeat a mantra of your choosing to yourself. One that will help to intensify your intentions bringing you closer to your orgasm or deepening your pleasure. As you approach your big finish, see your intentions skyrocketing into outer space, solidifying that you have successfully put your desires out into the universe. And when you're done, express gratitude for what just took place.
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One important thing to note when practicing sex magic is to focus on yourself. Like other forms of manifestation, your sex magic practice is to be used solely for the purpose of elevating the things that you want out of life. It is a personal moment used and not to be used as a means to control or manipulate someone else's fate. So if you're thinking about using sex magic as a way to force your partner to propose to you, think again. Because at the end of the day, using spells, magic, or anything else on another person does nothing but cause it to backfire. And we don't want that for ourselves.
At the end of the day, your sex magic practice can be an empowering tool once you master the art of using it. It can be used to change your trajectory, help you to better visualize your goals, and even connect with yourself on a deeper level. So the next time you're feeling in the mood, try incorporating a sex magic ritual or two into your sexcapades. And give your sex life the heightened experience it deserves.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Dooyeweerd's Philosophy of Furniture
I think I mentioned a while ago that I'm reading Dooyeweerd's New Critique of Theoretical Thought. I have read it before, but it was some years back; and I find that there's a great deal in it that I didn't remember at all. This isn't really surprising, given how large the book is. I don't find his history of philosophy any more persuasive than I did when I first read it -- I think a great deal of it is inaccurate (which is not to say that there aren't really great moments of insight; anyone who recognizes the importance of the Alciphron to understanding Berkeley's thought gets massive kudos in my book, even if he overestimates the degree to which it represents a break from Berkeley's earlier work). Unsurprisingly, I think his account of Aquinas is off, although given the resources he was drawing on, understandably so; and as a Thomist of sorts, I have the gut reaction to much of it that any Thomist would have to the philosophy of the cosmonomic Idea, namely, that it's great as far as it goes, but makes the typical modernist mistake of confusing descriptions of human experience with descriptions of the real world, that, indeed, it is saved from being merely secularist nonsense in this regard almost entirely by the fact that tries to accommodate within that framework a Christian view of the world. Having an imagination that does a good job of sympathizing widely, I fully recognize, of course, that such a description would drive a Dooyeweerdian as crazy as Dooyeweerd's descriptions of Thomism do, and that this is in some sense just Dooyeweerd's view of Thomism seen in the opposite direction, and an artifact of the fact that both camps see themselves as solid, even if improvable, examples of Christian philosophy (where that is understood as necessarily Catholic in the one case and necessarily Reformed in the other).
But I am digressing, and getting into subjects that would eat up many, many posts on their own. One of the things that makes Dooyeweerd a great philosopher is that he doesn't merely retread old paths. Indeed, one of the strengths of his philosophy, and particularly of the doctrine of modal spheres, is that it forces him to take a more comprehensive view of human life, and this leads him to discuss philosophically things that are often not discussed much by philosophers. A good example of this is his discussion of furniture (in volume 3 of the Freeman-Jongste translation). In fact, in this context Dooyeweerd expressly discusses this:
This may seem to be a trivial subject. Does it really imply philosophical problems?...Is it, in other words, necessary for philosophy to lose itself into a detailed examination of the typcial structures of such things as these?
We can reply that our philosophy cannot neglect the things of naive experience....Any resemblance of triviality is the result of the attitude of apostate human consciousness casting its shadow over the richness of God's creation and levelling out its structural particularities in the monotonous uniformities of general schemes. Naive experience, when viewed in the light of Divine Revelation, becomes rich in meaning. (p. 128)
So what richness of meaning do we find in tables and chairs? Like aesthetic objects, furniture is "formed out of specific materials in accordance with a free human project" (p. 129). We have a set of materials, with their own physical and chemical features, and these physical and chemical features are taken in hand (so to speak) by the artisan and used to fulfill the artisan's design. In Dooyeweerd's terminology this is called enkaptic binding: the structures involved in its being the material it is are 'enkaptically bound' to the structures involved in its being the object of use it is made to be; and the latter depends crucially on the former.
Let's confine our attention for a moment to wood furniture. Wood comes from trees; and the most salient fact about trees is that they are living things -- in Dooyeweerd's terminology, their qualifying or leading function is biotic. But, of course, once we take it from the tree the cells begin to die; this physico-chemical aspect of the wood is no longer 'enkaptically bound' in the living tree. So the most salient facts about the wood are simply facts about its physics and chemistry; and thus its 'qualifying function' is physico-chemical. However, it's also fairly clear that wood retains some sort of secondary relation to the original biotic function; after all, oak wood is very different from, say, chestnut wood, whether it's on the tree or off. The way Dooyeweerd calls this its variability-type: oak wood betrays the fact that it came from an oak, even though it no longer has a number of key features that it had when it was part of the living oak, and even though its organs have lost their standard functions (the capillaries no longer conducting water to where the tree needs it, for instance).
One can, of course, simply use this wood to build your furniture with. But for a number of reasons, not least of which is durability, we usually prefer to refine it into a technical product (e.g., we treat it and saw it into planks). In so doing the wood becomes 'enkaptically bound' to a different type of structure, and begins to take on a function in the 'cultural' or 'historical' modality. (The historical modality has to do with the formation and production of things, and so includes, among other things, technology and handicraft.) We might say, loosely, that its wood-ness is 'enkaptically bound' to its plank-ness.
I said however, that it begins to take on a function in the historical modality. In fact, a wooden plank is not much of anything; it's just materials, like the original wood, made a bit more ready to be used, and it's only when it is used that it really takes on a new kind of function. Dooyeweerd refers to it as a "semi-formed technical product". As a plank it has a cultural destination, we might say; its most salient feature is that it is a physico-chemical product suitable for cultural use.
Now, when we take this suitable wood-material and make it into a chair, it is clear enough that the chair-aspect is not the same as the wood-aspect; you can make a chair out of all sorts of different materials, so while you need some materials to have a chair, being a chair involves taking on features that are not simply identical with any features of the materials used to make it. There is a sense, of course, in which a wooden chair just is its wood. The way Dooyeweerd cashes this out is by distinguishing between subjective functions and objective functions. The chair's ultimate subjective function is physico-chemical; we get the other functions not by considering it as a subject but by considering it as an object.
Like everything in the world, a chair has some sort of function in all the modalities. It has mathematical features, for instance, that are necessary conditions for its functioning as furniture. But we notice a curious thing here. For the mathematical features of a chair, while necessary for its functioning as a chair, depend in a way on its being a chair. We might say the artisan picks out these mathematical specifications rather than those in order to make it the right sort of chair. As Dooyeweerd says, "they are freely projected in the internal conception of their designer, and are realized in the actual thing by a free formative activity" (p. 133). To function as furniture presupposes mathematical and spatial characteristics; but the particular mathematical and spatial characteristics the furniture has is chosen in order to fulfill the function of being furniture.
We find the same thing when we look to its dynamical features. To function as a chair presupposes, for instance, certain load-bearing properties; but these are freely chosen precisely so that they may subserve the function of being a chair. The fact that the wooden materials were capable of bearing such-and-such load meant that their physical aspect had an anticipatory potentiality for certain technical functions. They're a good fit; they cohere well.
Chairs are designed to accommodate themselves to the human body. Well, at least good chairs are designed to accommodate themselves to the human body; they serve as objects for human biotic functions by giving us rest and support, and are specifically designed to do so. But, of course, they don't serve as objects for just any human biotic functions. They serve as objects for human biotic functions insofar as they anticipate certain cultural functions. We build chairs not merely to have something to sit on -- rocks and floors would do for that -- but to facilitate civilized life. You can sit on rocks of a certain shape in much the same way you do a chair; but the chair is more suitable for playing certain roles, like being part of a dining set, or lounging on while you read or watch TV, and this, of course, is entirely deliberate. Chairs are not mere seats; they are historical objects, elements of human culture, features of our particular form of civilization.
But, of course, even within chairs the exact character of this will vary depending on what, precisely, we have in mind, and this will be even more true of furniture in general. As Dooyeweerd puts it,
The typical objective destination of furniture is inseparably interwoven with the entire arrangement of a human dwelling. The further differentiation of the structural type, table or chair, depends upon whether they are to furnish a living-room, kitchen, garden, library, restaurant, office, etc. (p. 137)
One of the things this brings us up against is that, however beautiful, there's a very straightforward sense in which a real chair is not a work of art. That is, it may be a 'work of art' in a loose sense, but it will never really be a work of art in the sense that this is its leading function. It will have an aesthetic function if done by a great artist; but if it's well-made as a chair, this is not, and cannot be, its dominant function. It can be stunningly beautiful; but this beauty is a 'bound' beauty, i.e., it is bound over to serve a function other than just being beautiful. Chairs are not art for art's sake. This shouldn't be taken to minimize the aesthetic aspect of the chair; the aesthetic aspect of furniture, that is, the furniture-style, has a real importance. After all, you'll often want your dining set to match, rather than just look like it was a sort of yard sale accident. You don't want to try to make a Louis XIV arm-chair serve the function of a lawn chair; the style, the beauty, subserves the function of being a chair, but it's not a style or beauty that you want in a lawn-chair. Similarly, even a very elegantly designed wooden-lawn chair just won't work in a formal waiting-room in the Palace of Versailles.
The Louis XIV arm-chair is interesting in that it is not just any sort of chair, nor indeed just any sort of arm-chair. It's the sort of arm-chair designed to express a society. It's an arm-chair designed to put you in your place; it thus in some sense serves a social function, since you wouldn't generally want a Louis XIV arm-chair except where you were trying to overwhelm people with how rich and powerful you are. We're told that when Benjamin Franklin visited Versailles he was utterly shocked by all the materials put to no use but to look fancy; and we could very well have a similar response to the Louis XIV arm-chair. It's beautiful certainly, and it has not sacrificed all use; but with it we're starting to reach a point where a flawed society is trying to make a chair not be a chair just in order to prove a point. Being a chair is beginning to take back-seat to being flashy and ostentatious. Dooyeweerd suggests that in this case we're starting to lose the distinction between furniture and architecture: the arm-chair is to some extent just a less durable and more detachable part of the building.
But this begins to bring us to a problem. I can take a chair, say, the chair George Washington sat in, and not use it as a chair. I can, for instance, put it in a museum as a display-piece. This is a distinct subjective purpose for it. We can say that this is rather different from the 'objective destination' of the chair; after all, I'm still fully aware that it is a chair, because the whole reason I'm putting it on display is that it is a chair, one of a particular sort. But is this too simple? The objective destination of a church is religious; but sometimes churches devolve into museums. They are given a different destination. In a sense the religious function has been deactivated. We can still say it is there, because it was given to it by design; but we are no longer able to activate it, any more than we are any longer able to activate the suit of armor in the museum as a major element in war. Thus, says Dooyeweerd, we should distinguish
(1) the intentional representational relation (as we find it in its being formed as the object it is by the designer, according to the designer's design)
(2) the explicational relation (as we find it in the object's having the objective character it does within human experience)
(3) the actualization relation (as we find it in the object's being used according to its various functionalities)
Dooyeweerd suggests that the church that has become a museum hasn't changed its original character; the intentional and the explicational relations are both unchanged. Rather, our practical relation to it has changed, that is to say, the actualization of it has shifted, since certain of its functionalities have become deactivated. Think of a robot: a robot's a robot whether it's being used as a robot or as a garden-piece, but in the former case its functionality as a robot has been activated, whereas in the latter case its functionality as a robot has been deactivated. When I take a chair and put it in a museum, it's still a chair; I've just deactivated its full functionality as a chair.
That gives some notion, I hope, of the sort of philosophical reflection we have on chairs. Actually, of course, we've only touched the surface; we've only discussed the chair's existence in a handful of modalities, so there are plenty of enkaptic bindings and anticipatory potentialities we haven't explored. But what we've done should be enough to see some of the richness of the sort of philosophical reflection Dooyeweerd thinks we should bring to bear even on something that most people would normally think too trivial for serious philosophical reflection: furniture.