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Chris D'Elia, TikTok Star
The comedian, alleged to have groomed teens on social media, recently pivoted to short-form video.
CW: Sexual abuse, predatory behavior, grooming.
Chris D'Elia, the comedian accused of pursuing sexual encounters with underage girls, is on TikTok, the app for teens. After posting on the video-sharing service four times between July 2019 and June 2020, when the allegations against him surfaced, D'Elia started posting regularly this past March, the same month he resumed podcasting.
A quick refresher. Last June D'Elia was accused by numerous women on Twitter of conduct ranging from solicitation of nudes to sexual assault. In many cases the women were allegedly underage when the conduct occurred. In a statement to TMZ, D'Elia said he "never knowingly pursued any underage women," but that he did "get caught up in my lifestyle." In July, Netflix axed a prank show it was producing with D'Elia and Bryan Callen, who was himself accused of sexual assault later that month. In September, two women accused him of exposing himself to them. After an eight-month intermission from public life, D'Elia released a video on his YouTube page this past February. He again denied any illegal or nonconsensual conduct and claimed he was in recovery from a sex addiction that drove him to sleep with his fans. In March, he was sued over allegations that he sexually exploited and solicited child pornography from a 17-year-old fan when he was 34. The plaintiff voluntarily dismissed her lawsuit in April, perhaps a sign of an out-of-court settlement.
D'Elia has 675,000 followers on TikTok, even more than his 553,000 YouTube subscribers. His content is nothing remarkable. In his first post back in March, he banters with his fiancée, animator Kristin Taylor, about his nose hair, the camera centering a shirtless D'Elia while Taylor remains out of frame. Many of his videos concern his domestic life, featuring Taylor, their son Calvin, and D'Elia's parents. Some are clips from his podcast or standup specials, such as the routine "What Drunk Girls Are Really Like" from his 2013 Comedy Central hour. In other posts he tries popular TikTok challenges and mocks critical comments from other users, like one who said he's not funny.
A Mashable feature about the D'Elia accusations last June detailed his alleged use of social media to groom underage fans. One woman said she liked his photos on Instagram and "immediately" started receiving messages from him. Another said she was a high school senior when she tweeted at him after a show. He responded with a direct message and later "tried to hook up" with her and her friend in a hotel room. Another said she was 15 or 16 when he messaged her on Twitter, later moving the conversation to text messages, where he offered to trade career advice for nudes. Another said she was 17 when a 30-year-old D'Elia sent her flirtatious Facebook messages and asked for her number in 2011. Another said she was 17 or 18, and told him as much, when he insisted she visit him in Los Angeles because he "wanted to get naked" with her. The Los Angeles Times contemporaneously spoke with a woman who said D'Elia sent her flirtatious Snapchat messages in June 2017, when he was 37 and she was 19. As all these allegations came to light, a clip from the podcast The Fighter and the Kid made the rounds on Twitter. It showed D'Elia's apparently shocked reaction to the news that Snapchat users can screenshot messages.
TikTok, as you may know if you use the internet, is very popular among internet-savvy youths. According to the Pew Research Center, almost half of US adults between 18 and 29 use the app. The New York Times reported last year that TikTok's own data "classified more than a third of its 49 million daily users in the United States as being 14 years old or younger." In May, research firm eMarketer predicted that TikTok's US user base—defined as individuals who access the app at least once a month—will include 37.3 million Zoomers by the end of this year, of an estimated 78.7 million total users in the US. Chris D'Elia is 41.
There's an interesting thing about the D'Elia case. Of the three high-profile comics accused of sexual misconduct last summer—D'Elia, Callen, and Jeff Ross—he's the only one who hasn't returned to the standup circuit. Callen, accused of rape, resumed touring in a matter of months. Ross, accused of grooming and raping a teenager, eased back into corporate gigs, drop-ins at the Comedy Store's outdoor shows, and eventually regular sets in Los Angeles and on the road. For some reason the standup community, ever eager to forgive its own, hasn't been so welcoming to D'Elia—who, as comedians love to say in these situations, hasn't been convicted of anything.
If he's at all bothered by this, it doesn't show. With millions of views on some of his TikTok videos, he's clearly happy to find an audience online.
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Header image via Netflix.
chris d'elia


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Xena's Story : With Input from Sho
Xena Writes a Story on Dr. Seuss Day
Lucy: Hi Xena. Whatcha doing? You look like you're up to something.
Xena: I'm thinking. It's Dr. Seuss Day. He wrote fun stories and poems. You know Angel Lexi was an author, too. She wrote a whole book about her life and adventures. I'm thinking maybe I could write a little story.
Lucy: You'll never know unless you try. Like Dr. Seuss said, "Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!" So, how are you going to do it?
Xena: I'm thinking maybe I'll dogtate it into one of those dogtation machines. Then, if there's a mistake, I can blame the machine.
Lucy: Sounds like a plan. Have you come up with a story?
Xena: Yep. Here goes: My name is Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess. Xena for short. Xe for shorter. I have two Siamese cat friends. Their names are Shoko and Tyebe. They live in a different country named Canada. Shoko is smart, and Tyebe is fun. They have their own blog. The end.
Lucy: Your dogtator seems to be working just fine. But there's a couple of little things maybe that need changed.
Xena: Are you saying you don't like my story, that my story stinks? Or don't you like the Canadian cats?
Lucy: I love the Canadian cats, and your story doesn't stink. Every good writer has someone called an editor, and since you're such a good writer *toes crossed* you deserve a good editor like me. Now, first of all, all short stories are at least a few pages long. It would be great if you told more about everyone in the story and different things that you all do or like to do. And there is usually a plot.
Xena: But this is about cats, not plot hounds.
Lucy: Uh, ok, never mind that. The other thing is that you must not use your friends' real names. You need to make up names, like Mary or Ann or Susan or Tammy or…
Xena's story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with no Plot Hounds, Part One
Xe was a beautiful miniature schnauzer with salt and pepper coloring. She had a very happy life with her dog sister Lu and her peeps, Mom and Dad. Xe went on a trip on a boat. It was a big boat, and it sailed all the way to the land of Siam. There was lots of dancing and food on the big boat, so Xe had many days and nights of fun. All the boy dogs wanted to dance with Xe because she was a very talented dancer, and pretty, too. At night, she always went back to her cabin alone and slept by herself. She missed cuddling up to Mom and Dad in the big bed back home, but then she remembered she wasn't allowed to do that all night now, anyway. But that's a story for another day.
After being at sea for several weeks and eating her fill of the fishies of the sea and dancing until she thought maybe her legs would fall off, Xe saw land. Before sunset that day, the big boat docked at that wonderful land called Siam. Everyone on the boat ran off and started to explore. While walking between shops, Xe met two Siamese cats. The older one was named Sho and she was very wise. The young one was named Tye and she was full of energy and very mischievous.
"Where are you from," asked Tye, "and what is your name? I'm Tye."
"I'm Xe, and I'm from the wonderful land of USA."
"That's Sho over there. She's my big sister. Do you want to be our friend? Sho doesn't like to play very much. Do you? What do you like to play?" Tye was full of questions, and kept jumping at the little schnauzer, who had never had a cat friend before.
When Tye stopped to catch her breath, Xe replied, "I love to play, especially chasing balls. I like to run with a friend, too, but I don't like to be jumped at."
"Look out little schnauzer named Xe!" exclaimed Sho. "You almost got trampled by the local traffic."
Was that a schnauzer I just stepped on? Mmm, I smell mango. It must have been a mango.
So Xe and Tye went to the edge of the jungle where there wasn't so much traffic and found some mangoes to play with that had not been stepped on by an elephant. Tye jumped at the fruit and batted them around with her front paws, while Xe ran and brought back the mangoes that Tye had hit further away. Sho sat and cleaned her lovely paws while keeping a watchful eye on the young ones. When one of the mangoes rolled into a nearby creek, Xe started after it.
"Stop!" meowed Sho in her loudest Siamese voice. "Little schnauzers have to be very careful about going near water where mean old crocodiles live. They have a reputation for wanting to eat all the schnauzers in the land."
Are you a schnauzer treat? You would make a tasty morsel, a little snack before dinner.
Just as Xe heard Sho yell for her to come back quickly, she saw Mort the Siamese crocodile, who was camouflaged in the muddy water. That was enough to scare even a very brave little schnauzer warrior princess like Xe. She quickly turned and ran back to Sho and Tye as fast as she could. Xe collapsed in front of them, quivering with fear or maybe with adrenaline. Yep, it was probably with adrenaline. Realizing this magical land was actually full of danger, Xe was grateful for the Siamese cats' offer for her to go home with them to spend the night in a safe place with comfy mats on the floor to sleep on. In Siam, everyone named their huts, and Sho, being the oldest, had named their hut Canada.
The next few days were spent with the three of them together, learning more about each other and becoming fast friends. Xe sat at Sho's feet and listened to her talk about her life in Siam, soaking up her words of wisdom. Once Sho quoted Dr. Seuss, saying, "Only you can control your future."
Sho taught Xe the song, "I am Siamese if you please, I am Siamese if you don't please." That song would run through the little schnauzers head for years to come, reminding her always of her good friends and the wonderful time they had together in Siam.
Sho would nap often, and during those times, Xe and Tye would play-wrestle and chase each other around the hut, being careful to stay out of the Siam elephant traffic and away from any creeks or pools of water. Every evening the three of them took walks in the lane that bordered the jungle, being careful not just of rampaging elephants and schnauzer-eating crocodiles, but also of wild boars, leopards and cobra snakes.
Xe: "Where's Sho?" Ty: "She stopped for a potty break. She'll catch up soon."
Sometimes they brought mice that Tye and Xe had caught during the day to throw at the leopards if they came too near. The plan was that the mice would bounce off the leopard and then start running, causing the big, wild cat to chase after them. Out of Sho's hearing, they whispered about trying to stuff a wiggling mouse down a cobra's throat if they got the chance, but that chance never happened. Sometimes it misted a light rain during their evening strolls, and even Sho joined the youngsters in a joyful rain dance that included a lot of hopping and turning and yipping and chirping. After these happy dances, the three of them would run back to their hut Canada and wrap up in fluffy towels, while they sipped cups of warm, sweet tea before settling into their bed mats for the night. Always, while drifting off to sleep, young Tye would whisper something a wise "Dr." once said, "Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one."
The day finally came for the the big boat to blow it's loud horn. Three times the horn sounded, signaling its imminent departure to all who wanted to sail home from Siam. With tearful hugs, Sho and Tye bid Xe goodbye and safe travels. Oh, and they exchanged email addresses so they could keep in touch and maybe even plan how to get together again. Xe dawdled so long, not wanting to leave her new – and only – cat friends that she almost missed the big boat, leaping astride the boarding ramp just as it was being pulled onto the ship. She jumped into the big boat and turned quickly toward shore, her ears flapping in the wind. She feared this would be the last time she would see Sho and Tye, and her eyes blurred as she blinked back schnauzer tears. And then it came to her: Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss
Xe's fears were not to come true. The three best friends – or maybe just two of them – would find a way to see each other again soon. The End.
By Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess
Xena's Story Part 2
Posted at 1:59 am by Xena and Lucy, on March 9, 2020
If you missed Xena's story, Part 1, please click here.
Lucy: Xena, as your most excellent editor, I must nudge you to write the second part of your story. Your fans are waiting, and you don't want to disappoint them. As for me, I need a nap. Why don't you do that while I sleep?
Xena: You're right, Luce. Let me think. *5 minutes later, which in dog time is at least half an hour* OK, here's what happened next…
Xena's story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, still with no Plot Hounds, Part Two
Summer slid into fall, and fall into winter, and the Siamese cats Sho and Tye missed their new schnauzer friend named Xe. "I want to go find Xe in the great USA," meowed Tye. "She's my only schnauzer friend – my only doggie friend, really. And we're like sisters now."
Come spring, Tye was determined to jump a ship and sail to the great USA to visit Xe. Sho warned her about the dangers, and said it would be smarter to stay at home near their hut Canada, and let Xe come back and visit them. Tye argued that Xe had told her that the USA didn't have any crocodiles or cobras, so it must be a safe place.
In the end, Tye did what she wanted. Sho stayed behind to protect Canada. While trying to figure out a way to get to the great USA, Tye met a young Siamese boy who became smitten with her beauty and promised to help her board the next ship heading that way. The boy, whose name was Buddy, got a job on the ship as a deck hand, and smuggled Tye on board in his duffel bag.
Eventually the Captain found out, and was about to throw her overboard when she cried out, "Wait! Have you seen any mice on this ship since we left port? NO! No you haven't, because I have been earning my passage. Come down to my, er, Buddy's cabin and you can see I'm telling the truth, and it would be disastrous to throw me – your mouser – overboard."
So down to Buddy and Tye's cabin they went, where the Captain, delighted and astounded that Tye was telling the truth, found the ship's mice.
After that, the Captain and Tye spent a lot of time together, and became fast friends. He often tossed the fish he caught to Tye to eat. He even gave her some corn to share with her mice friends – on the condition that the mice stay in Tye's cabin. The little mice had never lived so well, with a soft bed and a steady supply of food, so they were happy to remain where they were.
Time flew by, and soon the ship docked at a port in Texas, USA. As Tye stepped off the ship onto American soil, an ICY officer put her in pawcuffs and told her she was being detained as an illegal Siamese cat. She was frightened and bewildered! No one had ever treated her like this. The ICY person was cold to her pitiful cries and pleas and carted her off to a horrid detention center.
After a couple of weeks of eating nothing but rotten veggies, Tye made friends with one of the ICY people. The officer said she wasn't really ICY, just a bit COOL, and that – please don't tell anyone – she loved cats and would try to help her. The COOL person smuggled in her IPad. Tye used it to contact Xe, asking her to come and help her escape from this awful detention center in Texas. Tye explained that cats, especially Siamese cats, had been targeted as something called "undesirables," and were being framed as murderers and liars and thieves and were even taking jobs from American cats. Every day, cats were taking the fall for the Americans who had actually committed these crimes (except the spoiled and lazy American people didn't really want the American cats' jobs because it was hard work).
Xe was confused as to why Tye had come to visit without emailing her first. Then she was sad at what had happened. Then she was mad – outraged, actually – at the injustice of it all, and at what poor, innocent Tye was going through. Now was not the time to assign blame – that might come later. Xe's first priority was freeing Tye from the bondage. Or at least from the cat detention center. She would be a Freedom Rider. "It's a good thing I have some experience riding," she thought, as she remembered her one – and only – time on a horse.
"Mom," declared Xe, "I have to go help my cat friend, Tye. She's found herself in a pooping-outside-the-litter-box load of trouble, and none of it is her fault. I have to free her from the ICY people. I'll think of a plan on my way to Texas."
"I can't find the horse, I'd better take a bus. Yes, a bus. This is a job for Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess.
Posted at 1:47 am by Xena and Lucy, on March 16, 2020
If you missed Part 1, click here, and Part 2, click here.
Lucy: OK Xena, you've kept everyone waiting long enough. It's time for the next installment of your story. Let's see, you left Tye in an interment camp for illegal Siamese and others our country didn't want here, and you were on your way to get her out. What happens next? Do you get Tye out and bring her home with you?
Xena: Well, you see, I've been thinking about it, and sometimes things get worse before they get better. At least that's what I've heard. But maybe not too much worse…
A Dog, Her Cat Friends and a Plot Hound Part 3
Xe took her suitcase full of good raw meat – frozen to keep it from spoiling – and hopped the first bus she could find heading out to the detention center in Texas where poor Tye had been imprisoned.
Xe told the driver what was happening, and he put the peddle to the metal, ignoring the rest of his stops. Later that night the driver dropped Xe off at the address Tye had given for the center and wished her well.
Meanwhile, Tye was saying goodbye to the second doggie she had ever made friends with. Pedro the chihuahua had been picked up by Border Patrol and been detained until he found a sponsor. A nice American man rescued Pedro the chihuahua. Instead of saying, "Gracias," Pedro kept yelling, "Quiero Taco Bell." He must have been starving!
Tye, also famished from subsisting on a diet of rotten vegetables, pleaded with the man to take her, too. "Please, nice man, won't you take me home with you, or at least get me outta here and onto a bus to my friend's house in Tennessee?" But the man said he was only allowed to rescue one detainee at a time. He promised to try to come back for her, though, especially since she and Pedro were now friends.
Xe had hidden in the bushes until the breakfast bell rang and the guards all went off to eat. As she stealthily approached the fence, a man carrying a chihuahua walked past her.
The pup kept screaming something about Taco Bell, and that made Xe's stomach growl loudly. The man walked faster, thinking Xe was about to attack. Xe thought about following them, hoping to score a taco, but resolved to get Tye out from behind that fence first. Yes! Tye was her first priority, even over her stomach, and that shows a lot of love from a schnauzer, even a warrior princess schnauzer.
All the resolve in the world couldn't help her when an ICY Plott Hound guard suddenly appeared from around the corner. He had heard all the yelling, and came to see if someone was passing out tacos. Xe decided to make a run for it ..
… when the ICY Plott Hound guard grabbed her by the back leg and slung her into a bag with a sign on it that read, "Schnauzer meat, good to eat." Xe hoped the sign was a joke, but what kind of a person – or dog – would joke about that! In short order, Xe was processed (no, not made into meat; her paperwork got finished), then she was thrown into a detention area.
Even though this was not the reunion they had both imagined, Tye and Xe were happy to see each other again. "What's in that red cooler over there?" asked Xe. "Rotten vegetables," replied Tye, with a look of both disdain and resignation on her face. Xe was about to explain that there were good probiotics in some rotten veggies when a sudden flash of hope shone in Tye's eyes. She looked at Xe and whispered, "We can plan our escape together. There is a COOL guard in here who likes me, and she will help us!"
The next day, when the COOL guard came to see how Tye was doing, she was surprised to see Tye cuddled up sleeping with a schnauzer warrior princess – and Minnie Mouse.
Xe had remembered to pack her bed, a pretty scarf to wear to sleep in, and a mouse toy for Tye. Tye had to meow Xe awake so they could confer with the COOL guard.
"Excuse me ma'am," woofed Xe (Xe had been raised to have good manners), "could you please help us get out of here? I am Xe Schnauzer Warrior Princess, and I am a citizen of the great US, born in Georgia and living in Tennessee. You can check my AKC papers, it's all right there."
After looking over Xe's official papers, the COOL lady took them to the office to start the process for her release. And since Xe really is a citizen of the US, she also applied to be Tye's sponsor. While Xe and Tye waited, they filled their bellies with the now thawed meat that Xe had brought.
87 hours later, the paperwork was still not ready. Come nightfall, the two friends snuggled up to sleep in the comfort of each other's company. The next morning the COOL guard, also called the NICE (short for Not ICY) guard by Tye and Xe, returned with all the paperwork they needed to be released and allowed to go back to Tennessee.
"Well, we're out," meowed Tye, who still wore her ID from the detention center. "Now what?"
"I don't know," woofed Xe. "I don't know how to get home from here, and I want my Mommy."
"Don't worry," Tye said in her best soothing voice. "I've come all the way from Siam, almost got thrown overboard on the ship, got locked up in a detention center, ate rotten vegetables for a week, and then my bestie XeXe came and rescued me!"
At Tye's words, Xe had to smile, if only a little, and her heart swelled with love for her cat friend. "You're right, TyeTye, it can only get better from here. Let's go home."
The sun was just rising behind them as they began their journey north on paw, hoping that a NICE person would give them a lift to Tennessee.
Come back next Monday to find out what happens next.
Story and pictures by Xena, all rights reserved, except for certain cats in Canada who are part of this story. But the mean old plott hound can't use this to his own devices.
Xena's Story…Sho's side….Part 3A
Geez, I miss that white tornado. Didn't think I would, she talks non stop and is ready to play at the drop of a paw. Taking in the sun and laying back is getting old very quickly.
SHO…..BLACK
SQUISH…..MAGENTA
Squish the Siamese elephant, wandered by and Sho confided how much she missed Tye. Squish, a very understanding elephant, had an idea. "Go see Tye and perhaps you'd be happier over there and want to stay." What a fantabulous idea. Tye will be happy to see me. "Thanks Squish."
"No problem Sho. You need to be with Tye. I feel her and XE are having hard times over there and she's never been parted from you before. Tye borrowed a phone from a cool lady at the Internment Camp not the ICY lady and called me to let me know she was forced to eat rotten vegetables in the Internment Camp. The paperwork for their release was being worked on as we spoke. Tye said XE arrived to help but was panicking cause now that she was here she didn't know the way to Tennis-See other than walking through Texas. So, Tye wanted me to follow the highway near Houston and look for them walking home. Seems vague, Squish.
Tye used to play with Omar's kids and she said they were little terrors that would give crappy old toys for any candy. They learned this behaviour somewhere and she says the nuts don't fall far from the tree so I'll be on the look out for Omar the Siamese Shiftless Carpetbagger tricks. Tye is always on my mind…I must hurry and be with her and Xe. "Let's go, Squish, and see what we can find in the Magic Carpets around here." Sho brought out the ladder and climbed up on Squish's back and they headed for the village. Squish had a sensitive back since Tye had done the Siamese dance for rain on her back.
They hit 2 flying carpet outlets and were disappointed in the quality of the carpet threads. Then they hit Omar's Emporium. Omar's had revved up carpets but they wrinkled up during flight so it was uncomfortable sitting. The wrinkles also made steering a hazard. No seat belts and the threads were not water proof. They were inexpensive but dang nab it, they looked cheap and wobbly.
Next stop Aladdin's Magic Carpets. A huge Genie welcomed me inside. I told him I wanted a thick, sturdy Magic Carpet with all the safety precautions. No souped up piece of crap as I was flying to America to see friends and the object was to arrive in one piece. Gene, the Genie, found the most superb carpet. Luxurious seat belts, with a relaxing cruising speed and the "paw to the fiber count" of 300 MPH. An instant sale.
Sho put the ladder up to Squish's back and leaped on. "Sorry Squish. I was so happy about our new Magic Carpet I forgot to suck in my claws." Sho said apologetically.
Sho thought of hot and tired Xe and Tye pawing their way across Texas to Xe's home in Tennis… See. Stupid name for a state as it brought up visions of everyone playing tennis in short skirts and funny hats. Sho reprimanded herself for being judgemental…..this was the time to accept whatever cultural habits that the States has. Tye would be delighted Sho was going to be headed over to the States. Sho had to pack up Canada and have Squish water the plants everyday. Sho would let Squish know what was happening. Now, up and away and hope Tye and Xe find their way safe and easy.
TO BE CONT'D..Join Sho as she continues her adventures to cross the Atlantic and get to Tennis….See.
Lucy: Xena, you're on a roll, so take it away!
Xena: Take it away where? What are you talking about, Lucy? I'm watching to see where this squirrel goes.
Lucy: I mean, go ahead with more of your story. Your adoring fans are waiting to hear what happens next. *sigh* I'll watch the squirrel for you.
If you missed any of our story, you can click on Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3. It'll help Part 4 make more sense…
Xena's story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with another Plot Hound, Part Four
With a newly-found resolve, Xe and Tye headed in the general direction they thought was toward Tennessee. It was early morning, so they kept the sun on their right as they walked. From old habits in Siam, where Tye was from, they kept away from the water as they traveled, so nothing could jump out and eat them. As they walked they talked about many things. The pair recalled the fun they had together in Siam, and how Tye would catch mice to throw at any leopards or tigers they might encounter. That led to Tye relating her voyage from Siam to Texas and the mice she caught and cared for. Then the conversation took a more serious turn.
"You know what happened to you when you got off the ship wasn't right." Xe got angry just thinking about it. "We need to do something so it doesn't happen to any more Siamese cats."
"It's true, Xe. I was so excited, thinking about seeing you again and the fun we would have, and the next thing I knew I was sitting in that detention center eating rotten vegetables. I hadn't done anything wrong! I don't understand why I got treated like that!"
"We need to go to the big white house and ask the people in charge to make those ICY people stop doing that," exclaimed Xe. But it's a long walk; we're going to need a ride."
No sooner did Xe woof their need for a ride than a horse came galloping up to them.
"I hear you're in need of a ride." The horse bowed her head as she addressed Xe. "How can I help you free everyone of tyranny and oppression and rotten vegetables?"
Xe and Tye looked up at this huge horse, who seemed to genuinely want to help them, even if she was a bit zealous and also a bit off the mark of their goal. "What is your name?" they asked in unison, both with a slight quiver of fear in their voices.
"I am a Horse with No Name," replied the magnificent creature. "Tell me why you are out here in the middle of nowhere, and where you want to go."
Xe was spell-bound that there could be a Horse with No Name. Ignoring the horse's question, Xe asked, "Have you been to the desert? I hear in the desert you can remember your name."
When the Horse with No Name didn't reply, Tye and Xe related their experiences over the past few days.
"Stay here," said the horse as she wheeled about on her hind legs and cantered off into the scrub brush, just out of earshot. They could hear her whinnying and nodding her head, but couldn't make out what she was saying into her iphone.
"Both of you, climb on my back and I will get you as far as I can," the Horse with No Name told them as she skidded to a stop in front of them.
The two friends looked at each other, and, with unspoken agreement leaped upon the Horse with No Name's back.
As their newest friend started off at a full gallop, Xe and Tye laid down and hung on for dear life. "Ho No!" they screamed," we're going to die!"
"How did you guess that I go by 'Ho No?' asked the Horse with No Name.
"Is that a Hawaiian word?" asked Tye.
"No, it's short for HOrse with NO Name," replied the horse. "And I won't let you die. I'll stop if I feel one of you slipping off."
On like that they went for about 87 miles, with Ho No settling into a smooth trot that she could keep up for hours. The riders kept their eyes closed for a long time, pressing themselves against her broad, flat back. Except for an occasional grunt, their claws digging into her sides didn't seem to bother Ho No at all. At one point, Tye opened her eyes, and seeing how pretty Ho No's mane was braided, asked her about it. "It's because I'm a girl," Ho No said as if that was the only explanation needed.
After what felt like 87 hours Ho No came to a halt. "This is the end of the line for me, girls," she whinnied. I've gotten you as far as northeast Georgia. I spoke with one of my friends, who is going to pick you up and take you the rest of the way to the big white house."
"Will we see you again?" Tye began to ask, but Ho No had already disappeared down the back dirt road in a cloud of dust. Or maybe it was a cloud of red clay since they were, after all, in Georgia
They waited there for about 87 minutes, watching for another horse to appear, hopefully one with a real name. They were taking advantage of the fresh water nearby (that Ho No had promised was safe), when an old truck came charging down the road.
"Xe Xe," whispered Tye, " get your nose out of the grass and look at this. I think maybe the ICY Plott Hound has found us, but something looks different about him."
At that, Xe whipped around, ready to make a run for it with Tye.
Xena's Story with Input from Sho Part 4a
Please read the first parts of the story under Xena's Story in our pages. The story will make sense. Now when we last left Sho she had chosen a fantabulous Magic Carpet and looked at the map so she knew how to get to the United States. The shortest way was to go through the Gulf of Siam into the Indian Ocean and then make a sharp left to the Pacific Ocean. Sho also noted that if she turned right from the Indian Ocean she could travel the Atlantic and…oh look, there's the country of Canada. Sho dreamed of going to Canada one day, that's why she named the hut Canada….just to have a piece of this huge country near.
I'll take the long way and shake any bugs out of this Magic Carpet. I better use warp drive for half the trip or I'll be months getting there.
I never imagined the ocean had this much water….The tag around my neck states who I am and my next of kin so if anything happens hopefully Tye will be notified. If anybody can find her and Xena. "You'll be be fine…let's not get maudlin ole gal." Who said that? Is there a freeloader I'm carrying to the States? "hehe…Heaven's no. I'm the CADA….that stands for Canada Activated Device Assistant, the Genie installed in the Magic Carpet before you left." "Some assistant you are CADA…where are we? We must be close to Canada but there's nothing but blue for as far as I can see." "We're getting pretty close to NewFoundland in Canada." REALLY!! You flew past the United States." "I did." Let's drop down and step on Canadian soil. After landing the Magic Carpet, Sho walked around til she met a dog…a Newfoundland dog. This dude was huge….looked more like the pictures she'd seen of a black bear but he seemed like a happy fellow. Sho padded up to the huge dog and the dog said, "Ow's she cuttin', me cocky?" Sho stepped backwards in surprise. Is this guy swearing at me? she thought. She realized there may be cultural differences but this dude was….really different! Sho chose to treat him as a potential friend as it's harder to get mad and bite at a happy dudette. Sho plastered a warm smile on her face and said, "How are you, my friend?" To which the dog dude replied, "Aye, that's what I says."
Sho told the Newfie dog her name and that she was on her way to the United States to find her sister that left there home in Siam to see her dog friend Xe in Tennis-See. The Newfie dog introduced himself as Buddha. Buddha said he'd heard about a Siamese cat that had been thrown into an Internment Camp when arrived in the United States for just being Siamese…..most of the Canadian furries knew about this one little cat struggling to be free. He said her name was….Tye. "That's my sister!! "Go awn wich ya!" said Buddha. Sho liked being with Buddha in Canada but Tye needed her so she must continue her odyssey. Buddha slapped a paw on Sho's back and hollered, "May the wind aways blow in your back." Sho understood Buddha and waved bye to her only Canadian friend. Up she and CADA went headed for Texas.
SHOKO…..BLACK
CADA……RED
Buddha….MAGENTA
This is a lonely looking place CADA. The cities are massive here so we'll stay along the backroads. Let's go ask this horse if she's seen Xe and Tye. Sho eased the Magic Carpet down and introduced herself. The horse told Sho she was called A horse with No Name but her friend's called her, Ho No. Ho No told Sho about helping a white cat and a dog get to Georgia and said he'd show them the way to Georgia. What if I lose you cause I'm in the air and you're on the ground. That's easy enough Sho, just start singing, "Georgia on my Mind," and I will come galloping into view cause "all roads lead back to you." This sounded like a great plan to Sho so she leaped onto the Magic Carpet following Ho NO.
TO BE CONTINUED….Will Sho find Tye and Xe or will Ho NO lead them on a wild horse chase?
Lucy: Your stories are selling like hotcakes, Xena. We should be getting royaltreats or something like that. I'm going to check with our publicist. Oh Mo-o-o-o-ommm…
Xena: What's the "we?" I'm doing all the work.
If you missed any of our story, you can click on Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3 and Part 4. It'll help Part 5 make more sense…
Xena's story: A Dog and her Cat Friends, with another Plot Hound, Part Five
The driver in the old truck barked at them to stop. "Y'all stop now, y'hear? I'm your ride to the big white house. Didn't Ho No tell y'all to 'spect me?"
"So you aren't the ICY Plott Hound from Texas?" the two friends asked.
"Golly no, I'm a NICE Plott Hound from the hills of Georgia. My name's Sally. That thar one you mentioned is my cousin Leroy. He thanks he's hot stuff. Come on and jump in the back and I'll getcha where yer goin".
"I think we should trust her," whispered Xe. "What do you want to do, Tye?"
"Let's get in. We can always jump out if it's a trick. But my gut feeling is she's one of the good hounds." So off they went in the back of the truck, getting ever closer to the big white house.
*87 hours later* (It was an old, slow truck.)
"Here we are, little ladies," woofed Sally, "the big white house is thar, behind all those bushes. Which reminds me, it's time for a potty break."
"Let's go find the person who can help us stop this unjust incarceration of Siamese cats," meowed Tye. She jumped out the window of the truck, and Sally helped Xe down from the truck bed. Before she would go any further, Xe ran a comb through her beard and leggings and put on her favorite scarf, so as to make a good impression on the person in charge. Xe asked Sally, "Is this the big white house?"
"Well," Sally replied as she hurried off to do her bizness in the bushes, " it is a big white house, now ain't it?" After bagging up her droppings in a Mickey D's carry out container left over from lunch the previous day, Sally hopped behind the wheel and drove off in a cloud of white exhaust fumes.
After Xe and Tye stopped coughing, they climbed the many steps up to the front door of the big white house, where they woofed and meowed as loudly as they could until the door opened. Upon telling the door man why they were there, they were ushered into a stately sitting room, where they waited for the Person In Charge, who they decided to refer to as PIC.
Pretty soon the PIC entered the room. Xe had seen pictures of the ICY PIC who lived there, and was not looking forward to this encounter. As expected, this man was tall, made even taller by the stove top hat he was wearing. "That's different – I've never seen him wear a hat on TV," thought Xe. His hair wasn't that fake yellow, and his face didn't look the same, either. Maybe a new person had moved in and taken over, she thought. He lowered himself into the largest chair in the room and removed his black hat. "Welcome to the big white house," he said congenially. "What can I do for you today?"
"I would like some fresh meat and veggies, please," Xe politely asked, just before her stomach started growling again.
Tye started to protest, meowing that wasn't the reason they were there, but the NICE PIC clapped his large hands. The person who answered the door entered the room, and the NICE PIC told him to bring his guests food, saying, "No one can think right on an empty stomach. Give them whatever they want."
Xe requested salmon, and whatever fresh veggies were available. After thinking for only a moment, Tye asked for shrimp. While they were eating, the NICE PIC told them entertaining stories about his childhood and his beloved dogs and cats. Soon they were able to relax with full bellies and an affinity for the NICE PIC.
Tye settled into her new friend's lap, partially slipping under his suit coat to keep warm. Xe sat at his feet while they took turns relating the injustice of incarcerating innocent Siamese cats, as well as the horrors of the detention center. The NICE PIC, who said they could just call him Abe, softly stroked Tye while listening attentively. As their story came to an end, he promised to make a Proclamation declaring all animals and people equal, and that he would put an immediate end to the detentions. They sensed he was an honest person, and thanked him profusely.
"Now, let's get a picture of us all for posterity," he said. I believe this day will go down in history. Xe was very glad she had spiffed herself up after her long journey, and hoped no food was stuck to her beard as was wont to happen. Abe assured her that she looked lovely, so she relaxed and faced the camera.
The two friends accepted the invitation to stay the night, and, after a night-night treat, slept soundly in a big soft bed.
The next morning they all ate hearty breakfasts which had been prepared specifically to each of their tastes and diets. It was a beautiful, sunny day and Xe and Tye were outside taking care of necessary business in the bushes when a shadow suddenly covered them both. Tye began to jump up and down, meowing loudly. Xe thought the shadow must be from a cloud until she looked up – and would have wet her pants if she had any on and if she hadn't already taken care of that business – and saw something she thought was only in story books. Abe had offered them a helicopter ride back to Tennessee, but it seemed they wouldn't need to use it after all.
Be sure to check out what actually happens next by reading Shoko's story at The Canadian Cats this Friday! Then come back next Monday for the grand finale of my story.
Sho was riding on the Magic Carpet over where the big white house was supposed to be. "Holy kittens, Look at the size of that white house, It puts our poor little hut, Canada, to shame. What is that in the backyard….it looks like Xe and Tye. "Up Here Tye and Xe. Look up…up, up. They see me, CADA. Oh catnip heaven they're safe!" Sho let's out a deep breath she'd been holding in since she learned Tye was in an Internment Camp…..now she could relax, the travellers were ok.
They're both running in circles and waving their paws. Sho waves back and brings the magic carpet down gently beside the Rose Garden.
Tye was impressed with the Magic Carpet. "You didn't get this carpet from Omar's Emporium….this carpet has ever so strong fibers, Omar would give you some dang rug that would fall apart as soon as you hit warp drive." grinned Tye "This carpet is from Aladdin's and a Genie installed a Canada Activated Device Assistant. I call her CADA." Tye slapped Sho's paw in a high paw and hugged Sho saying, "Well, I guess we're going to the country Canada soon….it is the land of the free, I've been told." "Come on Xe, don't be shy….step on board…Sho will stabilize the carpet so it can hold all of us. "CADA how far is it to Tennis-See?" Far enough! It's no where near Canada either. "Simmer down, we have to take Xe home to see her mom and Lucy….not to mention her dad. Ok. we better get started then."
Sho was speechless at the beauty of the trees and mountains under her. Tye asked Xe where they were and Xe explained that these were the Blue Ridge Mountains….. "Should we land down in the midst of the trees," Sho shouted in a happy voice. "No way!" said Xe. "It's very wild in the Blue Ridge Mountains. There are even mosquitoes….I hate that buzzing in my dainty ears." "OK, Xe …by the way what state are we in?" inquired Sho "Is this Tennis-See? "We're close but not yet, Sho, we have to keep going.
Are the American's ashamed of this here Washington DC? Sho inquired with furrowed brow. Xena hollered…"No friggin way….this is the home of democracy for our nation." "Well, it's very difficult to find Washington DC on any map…maybe they want to hide it from terrorists." stated Sho.
"It says here that we're not far from Chattanooga Tennis See. Let's lay back and relax….Anyone need some Siamese Cat nip?" asked Sho. Xe howled with laughter saying, "Me, a schnauzer taking cat nip….no woofie way!" Tye suddenly opened her mouth and told XE, "You're buying into all those old stereotypes Xe, that say cat nip works strangely on dogs and if dogs get high they start meowing. Rubbish I say….the only way you'll find out for yourself is to try it. We would never ever hurt you so let's dig in." Tye told Xe that Siamese cat nip was special in that it relaxes your whole body but with out the drunk effects.
"You brought the fresh nip from the garden. It's the best one, Sho." Tye said with a laughing voice. Soon, Xe and Tye were mellowing out pointing at the sights.
As they were sitting about Sho told Tye about the country of Siam hearing of her plight through the Internment Camp and her and Xe attempting to change life for the better and wanting to honour her. "Really, they want to honour me? How are they planning to honour me? Tye inquired. "They are thinking about changing the country's name to Tyeland to honour you." Sho stated proudly. "Oh kittens, that would be wonderful. What an honour. Tye said as she wiped a happy tear away.
"Choo choo should be coming up soon then," "Choo Choo?…do you mean Chattanooga?" said Xe.. "Yeah… that's the name, seems long to me…Choo Choo or just Choo gets the message across." Tye said with a grin. "Hey, I can smell home….Lu's scent is on the wind.." Xe cried out.. "There's Lu!!" The three travellers looked down and sure enough there was Lu looking up at them.
Tune in Monday for the final part of Xena's Story, from Xena herself. Xena's Story may be picked up later by our little elfey selves should we wish to continue the adventure. Meanwhile, I wonder if Xe's mom was expecting a couple of rag tag Siamese Cats to visit?
Xena's Story- Finale
"We're almost there," exclaimed Xe! "C'mon Sho, let me sit up front and steer. I know where we are going!"
Sho knew that CADA's built-in navigation system would get them where they were going no matter who drove. She quietly agreed and swapped places with Xe. CADA wouldn't let Xe crash them. Sho knew she made the right decision when she saw how happy Xe looked.
"Over there!" Xe barked a short while later. "That's my house!" The Siamese sisters looked to where Xe was pointing and right there, on the front lawn, was a shiny, striped dog looking up at them.
"Hey, that must be your sister, Lu," meowed Tye.
"OMD, it is her! I didn't realize how much I've missed her until now," cried Xe.
Then Tye and Sho noticed the strangest thing. There were several stuffies looking through the front window of the house at them! Xe didn't notice them. She was keeping her eyes on Lu, who was running to open the front door for them.
After making a soft landing on the front lawn, Xe tore into the house after Lu. Lu had been very worried about Xe and had missed her tons and tons too.
When Lu was done welcoming Xe back with lots of hugs and kisses, she told Xe and Sho and Tye about a surprise that she had asked their Dad to set up. She told Xe to go play with her stuffie friends while she got Dad to help her get the surprise started.
While the bears got Xe caught up on what they'd been doing while she was gone, Xe tried to see what Lu's surprise was.
Sho was mesmerized with Rainbow Bear. She was secretly wondering if Rainbow tasted like candy. She used her wisdom and self-control to not bite or lick her to find out. Behind her, Winter bear (in the blue scarf) was secretly adoring Sho. He thought she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen.
Meanwhile, Lu was busy helping their Dad to get the surprise started.
"Hey Xe! Sho! Tye! Come on in here and say hey."
The travelling trio went on into the library to find out what was up. They saw an app on the computer called Zoom. They didn't immediately understand how they could see their new travelling friends, and see themselves as well. But they forgot about the "hows" when their friends started talking to them.
"Look," meowed Tye, "there's Pedro from the detention center, with the nice man who became his sponsor and rescued him."
"I got Taco Bell," exclaimed Pedro. "I get it every day if I want. I've learned to like fried catfish and black-eyed peas, too. Oh, and I am very glad your amiga the schnauzer dog found you, seniōra Tye.
"There's Ho No," woofed Xe. "I think I like looking at her better from the front than from atop her back."
"I knew my friend Sally would get you where you needed to be," whinnied the Horse with No Name. "And when I saw the other Siamese cat on that crazy magic carpet, I sent her your way. "
"But why did you work so hard to help us?" inquired Tye.
"I could tell you would persevere until you made a difference in the lives of hundreds, maybe thousands. And you didn't disappoint me," Ho No replied.
"Y'all done good," chimed in Sally the Plot Hound. "It was a real pleasure to be part of your adventure and help make history!"
"Thank you, Sally, and God bless you! We love you!" both Tye and Xe shouted at once. Then the two BFF's looked at each other and laughed.
"I told Mr. Abe y'all got home OK, and he asked me to let y'all know that every one of the Siamese cats in detention have been reunited with their families and offered loving homes in the USA," Sally drawled with a smile and a wink.
"With my Sponsor's help, I called Squish the elephant over in Siam to let him know that everything worked out well," barked Pedro. "Siam experienced a minor earthquake from Squish jumping up and down with joy. He wishes you all well, and wanted to make sure Tye knows that Siam is now officially Tyeland. They even have a new flag."
*Tye almost faints from excitement and a feeling of wonder*
"And I," said Ho No, "reached Buddha in Newfoundland. He couldn't be near a computer to join in Zoom, but said something like, 'You's be out and see de world, now find yous a home an' be yous happy cats, lo."
"Thank you all for helping my sister and our dog friend," purred Sho. "You're the best friends ever."
Amids many well wishes and hopes to see each other again, everyone signed off Zoom, cause they only had a personal account with a 40 minute time limit.
"That was so great, I just wish we could have seen them 'in person' again," commented Xe.
"Oh, you won't be seeing anyone 'in person' again – except each other – for a while," replied Lu. There's a Shelter in Place order because of the pandemic that hit just before you returned home.
"But, but, we were going to Canada!" shouted both the Siamese cats.
"Hey, Mommy," yelled Xe, "you'd better stock up on shrimp. Come on girls, I'll show you your room, and then we can think up new adventures."
*2 days later*
"I told you her beard is lickable after she eats, right?" woofed Lu.
"Oh, it does taste good, with a smorgasbord of flavors," replied Sho. "This part here smells like Fancy Feast," Tye mewed as she pawed through to find the best morsels."
"I knew I never shoulda let them meet Lucy," sighed Xe."
And thus ends the story of a Schnauzer named Xe and her Siamese cat friends named Sho and Tye. Well, at least for now.
Xena's Story: Sheltering in Pla
Tye: I'm getting bored with this Shelter in Place thingie. Hey Xe, let's play a new game.
Xe: OK, what do you want to play?
*a bit later*
Tye: Sit still, I'm almost done fixing your hair. Then I'll do your nails.
Xe: Curlers in my beard? And I see nail clippers! I'm outa here.
Tye: Wait, Xe, you're going to like this next part….trust me.
Xe: Mmmm, can I have the recipe for this juicy drink? When can I eat the cucumber slices?
Tye: Wait til I'm done with my spa soak and I'll get you finished up, Xe.
*meanwhile*
Lucy: What do you suppose Tye and Xe are doing in the house?
Sho: Hmm, all I know is I'm enjoying laying here in the sun. Do you like the drink I made for you, Lu? I'm sure those two are having fun playing some silly game or another.
Tye: And then you step like this *hic* and wave your front arms *hic* and wiggle your hips. *meow, meow, meow*
Sho and Tye Think Canadian Part 2A …Xena's Story
Tye, this is a lovely home with all the best foods available for our tasting but its time we thought about Canada, the country, and Canada our hut. We have to have someone look after the house In Tyeland while we are gone. What if we like it in Canada and want to stay, Sho? If, we decide to stay like forever, we'll have to think about it then. Right now, the challenge will be to see our hut….Canada, and have a friend look after it for us. Squish could do it for us. Nobody's going to mouth off to Squish. We can rent the house out. That's a great idea Tye. Squish could have the rent for Canada, the hut. I miss Squish Sho so let's go visit him and Squash. How about Lu and XE? They are like family. Let's ask XE if she wants to help us. I know that lil lady will be anxious to go, she loved it in Siam.
Xe, we enjoyed staying here with you and Lu very much. Your parents welcomed us with open arms but we need to go home and see how our Canada is doing. We miss our friends and need to have a furever home. You can stay here furever Sho and Tye. Mom would love it….she does admire you both and has a soft spot for you. She is a wonderful mom and you should be proud. We need to find a mom that's as gentle and loving as your mom. Do you want to help us, Xe? We may move along to Canada, the country, Xe. Do I want to go? My middle name is adventure….when do we leave? Lu will help mom and dad till I get back.
Come on Tye and hop on. It's going to be difficult flying at night but we'll have to avoid radar or we all could end up being, *The American Great Unwanted.* To quote Bette Davis…"Fasten your seatbelts. It's going to be a bumpy night."
It's kinda boring up here at night. There's nothing to see, Xe did you bring Rainbow Teddy? I forgot him…dang, I thought Lu would have reminded me. Guess she forgot too.
SHOKO…..INKY BLACK
TYE………..ROYAL BLUE
XE…………SHOCKING LIME
This is Shaw Air Force Base in South Carolina….near Georgia. Keep up the triple twirls Xe. I don't feel so good Sho. Xe will be finished in a minute Tye. I wonder if you can see Ho No down there Tye. Tye forgets her dizziness from Xe's maneuver and looks for Ho No. There she is Sho and Xe. They all wave to Ho No who waved with her front hooves in the air.
OK Xe, quickly throw the thrusters into overdrive before that cadet pointing up here has a chance to alert his Captain.
*ouff, puff….poooo-diddle…plop!!* We just made it outta that base in time. Sounds like the thrusters need work. We'll ask the genie to fix them when we get to Tyeland
See ya Ho No…. Tye you still look a little green…have some catnip tea. Shoko opens her thermos and gives Tye some tea. Tye drinks and sniffs deepy….slowly her normal colour came shining through.
The ocean is so blue and deep….a beautiful postcard.
Look there's Tyeland up ahead. Do you see what I see? It's Squish and her little sister Squash.
They all start waving to Squish and Squash. Those two sure look good to me. Do you think they saw us, Sho? Positive….did you see how Squish's ears went back and forth.. That's her waving at us.
Hey, look…Babylon!
Just for us…..the Rivers of Babylon,
The marketplace hasn't changed but I hope they keep it cleaner than before we left. The food could have been fresher too. Think we got spoiled with Xe's mom giving us such fresh raw meat.
Awww…..our home is still here. I could use a good rest and a delicious meal about now, Tye and Xe. After laying on the sofa, Sho fell into a deep sleep and started snoring.
What will happen in Part 3? Will Tye and Xe find fun in the long grasses of Tyeland and will Sho wake with an urge to sweep Canada clean of all bugs?
Where we left off was with a beautiful, 3-point landing of Sho's magic carpet, right in front of the hut Canada in Tyeland, Shortly afterward, Sho drifted into a deep sleep (probably from exhaustion, although Xe drove all the way there from Tennessee, so Sho shouldn't have been that tired). If you missed that, you can go read about it here at the Canadian Cats. As Sho lay snoring…
Tye: Are you getting bored, Xe?
Xe: Yes. We need an adventure. *thinking* Hey! Do you remember how we wanted to try stuffing a mouse down a cobra's throat, but your big sister Sho was always around so we couldn't do it?
Tye: Yep, and she's sound asleep in our hut Canada now.
The friends, about to embark on an adventure, take off through the jungle, looking for a mouse and a cobra.
Tye: Hold the snake still!
Xe: I'm trying. Maybe there's a stick or rock that could help.
Tye: No!! Don't let it go!
Mouse: Help!! Help!! I don't want to die!
Xe: That mouse screaming for help isn't helping. And you went up too high in the palm.
Cobra: *gurgle* You're choking me!
Tye: I'm hanging down as low as I can without falling.
Xe: There's a little stick I could wedge in the snake's mouth.
Cobra: When I get loose *gurgle* I'm gonna kill you, *gag* you stupid schnauzer.
Tye: Forget it, he'll get you while your back is turned. On the count of 3, we both let go and run as fast as we can. One, two, run!
A short while later…
Sho: *yawn* I had a good nap. Did you two do anything interesting while I was asleep.
Xe: You mean like shove a mouse down a cobra's throat? Woof, woof!
Tye: Yeah, or almost fall out of a palm? Meow, meow, meow.
Xe: We waited on you to take a nice walk with us.
Sho: You two are so funny. Let's stroll down the jungle lane to see if there's anything interesting going on. Some pretty flowers should be blooming this time of year.
Xe, whispering to Tye: Do you think the cobra's gone? Remember, he threatened to kill me!
Tye, whispering to Xe: Maybe, but let's wear sunglasses or hats just in case, so he doesn't recognize us. We'll have to keep a watchout. And "flowers" will be our code word for cobra.
Tye: Do you see any flowers?
Xe: Nope, nothing.
Sho: Look, I see a flower over here.
Tye and Xe: Eeeeek!
At that, Tye and Xe turned and ran (again) all the way back to the hut Canada.
Sho: Those two are so funny together. I'm glad they're having a good time.
Sho never suspected that the "pretend" story of a cobra and a palm could be true, and she continues to sleep well because of it.
This concludes part 3, but stay tuned for part 4, coming to a blog near you.
Xena's Story: A Recap and A Cobra Named KingPosted at 1:1 am by Xena and Lucy, on June 5, 2020
Lucy: Xena, I think it might be a good idea to give a quick recap on what's happened so far in your stories. Not all our readers saw the earlier ones, and that would help a lot.
Xena: Why don't they just read them? *pout* Oh, OK. But if you have been keeping up, and your memory is good, just scroll down to the first picture to take up where we left off last week. Or go here to read them all from beginning to end.
So, for those of you who missed the earlier editions, or just don't remember, the first section is simply called Xena's Story.
Xe the schnauzer took a boat trip to Siam and met the Siamese cats, Sho and Tye. They all quickly became besties, and had a lot of adventures before Xe had to go home. (Click here.)
Tye missed Xe, who had become like a sister to her. Tye stowed away on a boat, where she eventually made friends with the captain by catching all the mice on board and keeping them fed and happy in her cabin. After docking in Texas, USA she got thrown in a detention center, where she only had rotten vegetables to eat, but made friends with a chihuahua. After receiving a text from Tye, Xe left home to rescue her. (click here)
After taking a school bus to Texas to rescue Tye, Xe got caught inside the detention center by a plott hound, who tossed her in a bag labeled "fresh meat". She was put in the same area as Tye. Xe had remembered to pack a soft bed, a pretty night shirt, and a mouse toy for Tye, which they used while they waited to get out. Xe applied to be Tye's sponsor and they were finally released. (click here)
Tye and Xe had more adventures on the way back to Xe's home in Chattanooga, Tennessee. A horse named HoNo (short for horse with no name) gave them a ride to the Tennessee border, where they were picked up by a NICE Plott Hound in her old truck. Sally drove them to the Big White House to meet with the Person in Charge. There, Tye told her tale of the interment camp and all the other Siamese cats who were being held there. The Person in Charge gave them their favorite foods and made a decree to free everyone from the camps. (click here)
In the meantime, Sho decided she had better come help Tye, so she bought a magic carpet and ended up in Newfoundland, where she met a Newfoundland Hound named Buddha. Buddha had heard about Tye's troubles and told Sho where the detention center was in Texas. Sho flew her magic carpet there where she found HoNo. HoNo remembered the two friends, and directed Sho back up the coast to the Big White House where they were headed. (click here).
Sho finally found her sister and friend when she landed on the lawn of the Big White House. They all climbed onto the magic carpet for a ride to Xe's home, where Lu was waiting for them. (click here)
Lu and her Dad have arranged a Zoom meeting with lots of the friends that the Xe et al made on their journeys. Siam is renamed Tyeland after Tye's fame for freeing the Siamese cats held there. Lu informs them about the Shelter in Place edict so they cannot continue on to Canada as planned. (click here)
This next part is called Sheltering in Place. Sho and Lu, as the more mature members of the group, hit it off and spend time relaxing together and enjoying island beverages. The youngsters Tye and Xe continue to find fun ways to spend their days, including a full spa treatment and a hula lesson by Tye. (click here)
Sheltering in Place continues with Sho and Lu taking a tub soak while sipping on Coronas and the youngsters shooting the bird back and forth with old rackets they found in the attic. (click here)
The story takes another turn with Think Canada. The 3 friends decide to hop on the magic carpet and take their chances at returning to Tyeland to finish up their business there before trying to relocate to Canada. By the way, their hut in Tyeland is named Hut Canada. (click here)
Sho is tired by the time they land, so she goes inside to take a nap. Tye and Xe get bored and go off to stuff a mouse down a cobra's throat. That doesn't end so well. (click here)
That was what is called a synopsis in writer's talk for all the episodes so far. The Canadian Cats did a great job of putting these all together. You can click here to go to that page on their blog, where you can begin at the beginning and read straight through. Next is a gratuitous shot of me to let you know we are starting the next story in Think Canada.
While Sho was relaxing outside of the Hut Canada, waiting on Tye and Xe, a large cobra snake slithered up to her, stopped and stared. "You're not the cat I sssaw in the jungle, are you?" he hissed.
Not knowing what the cobra snake was up to, Sho did not let on that her little sister was in the jungle more than her. "I walk through the jungle from time to time," she replied. "Why do you ask, snake?" inquired Sho, pronouncing the word snake as if it was a swear word.
*Hisssss*. "My name is King," he said, not bothering to answer Sho's question. Continuing to quiz her, he asked, "Do you have a schnauzer friend? I sssmell her. *Hiss* I've ssseen a schnauzer in the jungle, and I would like to *hiss* say hello."
At this point, Tye and Xe ran out onto the porch, completely unaware that danger lurked in Tye's own front yard. When they heard hissing, they looked out to see someone they never wanted in their front yard. They'd been found!
"We have to do something," whispered Xe.
"One of us has to let Sho know not to tell him we're here," replied Tye. "I'm a bit smaller, so I guess I'll try to sneak down there."
Even though Xe was shaking like a rattler's tail, she knew that this was mostly all her fault, and she couldn't let her friend do this. "No, I'll go," she whispered with only a slight quaver in her voice.
Xe ran like she was in an agility trial, zip, zip, and ended up behind the bush near Sho. "Don't tell him we're here," whispered Xe. "He's mean."
King, seeing movement, hissed, "What wasss that? Isss someone elsssse here?"
"Why don't you rest your scales and I will go inside and make us a nice cup of mulberry tea?" suggested Sho, without ever looking over at Xe.
Before anyone could turn back towards Hut Canada, Tye leaped off the other side of the porch and ran full out into town, looking for Squish, their elephant friend. It's rumored that elephants are afraid of mice, but that snakes are afraid of elephants is known as a fact.
Tye tore through the town looking for Squish until she ran headlong into a tree, bouncing off it and landing on her back. Blinking hard, she looked up and saw it wasn't a tree after all. It was her friend Squish's leg.
"Why such a hurry?" inquired Squish. Tye quickly related to him what trouble they were in, and that she feared for Xe's life. "No one hurts my friends!" trumpeted the elephant as she took off full speed toward Hut Canada.
Xe was now hunkered down behind the bush, afraid to move.
"There you are, you slimy piece of shnake!" Squish said with disdain. (shnake is a swear word in elephant-speak.) "You may be King the Cobra in the jungle, but here you're going to be…"
"Wait, pleasssse!" pleaded King. "I know who you are, too. You're the mighty Sssquish, who sssquishes snakes until they pop like balloonssss! Pleassse, let me go, and you and your friends will never ssssee me again."
Squish knew that you had to be dumber than mud to believe a promise from a snake. She thought about the pedicure she had just come from when Tye found her and didn't relish messing it up with snake guts. But she would do whatever needed done to keep her dear friends safe. Then, from the corner of her eye, she saw a mouse. And not just any mouse, but Missy, who had helped her in the past. Missy, had brought her oboe. As she began to play a mesmerizing tune, Squish sneaked around King, whispering, "King, the Snake, you will never hurt or eat a mouse or a schnauzer or a cat again. You will be kind and gentle to all you meet."
By this time King was softly swaying back and forth in rhythm to the music. He was being charmed and was open to all suggestions made to him. "You do all these things," the elephant continued, "and I will let you live."
Missy stopped playing. Xe stopped shaking. Squish stopped talking. King stopped swaying. It was as if, just for a moment, they were frozen in time. Then King shook his head, looked around, and whispered, "Weren't we all invited for tea? I do hope there's a drop of honey. I just love honey with my tea, don't you?"
Xe stepped out from behind the bush. King looked at her quizzically and said, "Why, what an adorable little dog. Will you be joining us for tea? I do hope so, and perhaps there will be some biscuits as well. I just love biscuits with my tea and honey, don't you?"
Sho, absolutely shocked, still remembered her manners and hurriedly set the outside table for everyone to have tea with honey and not just one, but two plates of biscuits as well.
From that day on, King never hurt another living thing, and Squish didn't kill him. In fact, they made up a game called, "don't step on the snake," which they had to play every time King came to visit. Squish and Missy often accompanied him, and Sho always made tea with honey and biscuits for everyone. (She is a very good hostess.)
The End. (Well, just the end of this part of the story.)
I am Xena, with Shoko and Tybe playing supporting roles.
Lucy: Xena, this isn't a play. Nobody is playing any roles.
Xena: I'm getting ready for when it is turned into a Broadway play. I want to be the star, like Angel Lexi.
Lucy: *sigh*
More Adventures in Tyeland With a Peanut Surprise
"You two can stay out of the jungle for awhile. Enough with the hairy visits from reptiles," scolded Sho.
Tye looked skyward and then at Sho saying, " We were just goofing around, Sho."
"Yes," said Sho with a smile in her voice. "I know you were just having fun."
"Now we have to get the magic carpet ready for the trip to Canada, Xe and Tye, so let's pad on down to Aladdin's Magic Carpets and talk with Gene the Genie about the thruster problem."
"Sho, look at the new models of Magic Carpets!!" Tye's blue eyes were wide as dinner plates as she spoke.
"Tye get off that beautiful swirled carpet! Act civilized, you're not in the jungle now," Sho said with a smile.
"Look at all the room for my friends, and it's got my favorite colors! Hey Gene, our thrusters don't work and they are making sounds like *ouff, puff….poooo-diddle…plop!!* just before they quit. Can you fix them?" asked Tye as she bounced off the new Magic Carpet.
"Not the plop sound too!" Gene said with dismay.
"Yep, and now they won't work at all," answered Sho.
"My brother specializes in thrusters, let's ask him. Gen come look at these thrusters."
Gen leaped aboard the magic carpet. He listened, then twirled the tassels and spun the rug around twice. Out popped peanuts! Gen hollered "up, up" and the magic carpet purred to life, rising slowly.
"So your problem seems to have been a bunch of peanuts stuck in the thruster mechanism," he explained. "There are a lot of peanuts here. A few wouldn't bother the thrusters, but great gobs of peanuts slowly worked into them sure will. The peanuts could have been there for months until they worked down into the chamber."
PEANUTS!! This was the work of Squash, Squish's little sister. Sho knew Squish would be horrified if she was aware that Squash was sticking anything in the thrusters, so she decided not to tell Squish.
Sho asked Gene and Gen to check over the invisibility cloak and tune up CADA ( Canadian Activated Device Assistant) because the next trip would be to Canada, the country. "We'll need first rate advice so Cada should be on her toes, so to speak."
"We'll get right at it," the muscle bound Gen stated. "Where in Canada are you heading, the east or the west?"
Sho got this happy distant look on her face and purred, "West, across the Pacific Ocean this time."
"Good choice furry face," said Gen. "British Columbia is what they call that province. There are many forests throughout BC."
Sho and Tye's eyes lit up as they imagined a jungle of trees.
Meanwhile, Xe and Tye were taking turns pretending to fly the new round carpet. Xe stated she had to have a Magic Carpet all her own. "I want to get an updated model with all the bells and whistles."
Xe was imagining herself flying around, visiting sights. She remembered Paris from when her Mommy took her as a puppy.
"Gene says it will take them a day or so to get all the extras updated and checked for a long flight," said Sho with a sigh of resignation. "So, if you can tear yourselves away from that new carpet, lets go home and talk with Squish about renting out the house while we're gone."
Reaching the hut Canada, Sho put the bag of peanuts from the thruster on the backyard table. Tye leaped into her usual seat, followed by Sho.
"Xe, where'd you go? There's something I need to tell you both," said Sho.
"I went out front to play ball with King the Cobra. He plays so good, I told him he could be a 'ball python,'" quipped Xe. "Hi everyone," said King with difficulty. It's hard to talk with your mouth full of ball.
Sho and Tye laughed so hard they fell off their seats into the sand. While they wiped themselves off – and helped King get his fangs out of the ball – Sho told them all about the peanuts and swore them to secrecy. Xe, Tye and King agreed to say nothing to Squish. The four friends sat and enjoyed some banana sundaes from the fresh banana trees close to the backyard.
"Here come Squish and Squash….remember, not a word or you'll upset Squish and when she's upset the earth shakes," warned Sho.
Squish noticed the bag of peanuts right away and asked Sho why she had them cause Siamese hate nuts.
"I found them," Sho stated as she pushed the peanuts at Squish.
Squish said she didn't like peanuts but Squash – who had stashed them all over their house – was so happy to see more.
"Can I please have these Sho?" Squash asked. Young Squash was very polite, as Squish wouldn't put up with a rude elephant for a sister. For a chuckle, Squish asked little Squash if the peanuts were hers. Squash asked where they were found and Sho, who couldn't lie, said," Oh they were found in the Thruster Chamber." Squash turned a darker shade of grey, ran to the edge of the property, and hid her face – or so she thought.
"I'm so embarrassed sis….I hid them in the chamber so I could keep more nuts. I just love 'em!" cried out Squash.
"You know that the peanuts could have caused the magic carpet to jack knife and dump the occupants out," Squish said with a soft voice. Squish could see that Squash was indeed sorry and decided to let her little sister be. Squish and Squash hugged and Squash ran over to hear about the new Magic Carpet Tye and Xe were conspiring, er, hoping to get.
Story by Xena Schnauzer Warrior Princess and Friends Tyebe and Shoko
Xena's Story: A Party in Tyeland
"Sho, is everything almost ready for our goodbye party?" asked Tye. "I can't wait! I know there will be good food, but what about games? Are we playing any games?"
"I don't have any games planned," replied Sho. "That's your department. I'm sure you and Xe will think up something. And it's also a party to celebrate King and his little friend Missy renting our Hut Canada, and to thank Squish for taking care of the arrangements. Look, here come King and Missy now."
"Great! the first game will be don't step on King the Cobra. We play that everytime he comes over," laughed Tye.
"They look hungry, but King always looks hungry. He's enjoying his new vegetarian diet, but – just like Chinese food – he's hungry again 10 minutes later. I'll help you get the food out on the tables, Sho."
"Ooo, a cupcake just for me," squeaked Missy. "And it's got banana tucked into it. Umm, excuse me Miss or Mr. Bird. Who are you?"
"I'm Tyko," chirped their new visitor. "I live next door, and thought I would come over – I brought my own drink – to welcome my new neighbors. You two are going to rent the hut, right?" Tyko added as she reached for a cookie biscuit. "You two sure are an unlikely pair to be living together," she added.
"I don't mean to be rude," interrupted Sho, "but perhaps you should have asked the hostess and owner and current inhabitant of the Hut Canada before joining our soiree."
"And perhaps you should have asked the snake if you could have any of his favorite biscuits before helping yourself!" hissed King.
"Uh, oh," thought Missy, "I sure hope that bird's wings aren't clipped. She may need them in a moment.
Meanwhile, at the next table, Sho heard the sound of growling.
"This is my banana split!" growled Xe. "Can't you see the American flag on the top? It's specially for me!"
"Aren't you going to share?" Tye growled back. "We always share."
"No!" barked Xe. "This one's mine. Get your own."
"Stop it! Stop staring at each other and growling," cried out Sho. "Oh thank Cat, here come Squish and her little sister Squash. I think things are whirling out of control around here."
"Squish! Over here! I need your help!" Sho yelled.
Squish could hear the fear and distress in Sho's voice. With a coconut-splitting trumpet, Squish rose up on her hind legs. Her landing didn't quite cause an earthquake, but it did knock King and Xe off their tables and onto the ground.
"Now that you took care of that, can we eat?" squealed little Squash. "Look at the goodies Sho has for us!"
"Yes, she fixed me a giant banana split with mint ice cream, my favorite!" replied Squish.
"And Sho remembered my favorites, too – peanuts and bananas!" cried out Squash. "Can I have some of your whipped cream topping?"
Squish's arrival seemed to have done the trick. King returned to the peaceful snake he had become, and invited his bird neighbor, Tyko to share his cookie biscuits. Xe and Tye, much embarrassed by their own behaviors, mumbled "sorries" while Sho brought Tye her own banana split.
"I'm really sorry, Tye. I don't know what got into me. Please forgive me," Xe quietly woofed. "You can have my banana split if you want it. Here," Xe said, as she started to slide it over to Tye. In case you don't live with a schnauzer, let me tell you, it means a whole lot when a schnauzer will give away her favorite foods.
"I forgive you. And I'm sorry I growled at you, too. But look what my sweet sister brought me. And it has the new Tyeland flag on it, so I know it's just for me, like yours is just for you. You were right about that, Xe. No hard feelings."
Seeing that peace had once again settled on the land, Sho quietly slipped away from the party to begin packing. Hut Canada would soon be occupied by their good friends, and she and Tye would be leaving for a new home in Canada
Xena's Story: Magic Carpet Time
Posted at 1:28 am by Xena and Lucy, on August 2, 2020
Lucy: Your story really had some punch last time. I can't wait to see what happens next. Why don't you take a break from practicing your Freestyle and write another one, Xexe?
Xena: Great idea, Lucy. Although I sure do love the cheese I get when I work my Freestyle figures with Mommy! Let's see, where were we…
Part 3 Chapter 5: Magic Carpet Time
The day after the party, the sun was barely peeking over the tree tops when Sho began to purr in Tye's ear.
"Rise and shine, little sister. It's time to go pick up our renovated magic carpet and see how much we can carry on it to take to Canada. Wake up our friend, Xe, too."
When Tye heard that they were going back to the magic carpet emporium, she shook herself awake, then shook Xe awake. She was secretly hoping that she would get a parting gift of her very own carpet from her friends in Tyeland.
"There's something I haven't told you." Xena was trying to hold back a big smile as they entered the store. "I emailed my Mommy and told her that even though I love you a lot, Tye, we might need some time apart. So, you'll never guess…she bought me my very own magic carpet. Apparently the emporium takes credit card payments over the phone!"
At this unexpected news, Tyes eyes got huge. She jumped up, grabbed Xe's paws and they both hopped around together with joy.
"Have you picked it out?" asked Sho.
"Even though I explained that I am a 'sperienced carpet driver, Mommy said I had to get the new, self-driving model with auto-pilot," answered Xe. "Here's the one I chose."
When Tye saw the carpet Xe had bought, her face went whiter than it usually is, and tears filled her eyes. "But that's the one I wanted," she sobbed.
"We know," purred Sho as she stroked Tye's head. "That's why I splurged with the rent money we got and bought you the same one. Now you and your BDFF (Best Dog Friend Forever) have matching flying carpets."
Tye started sobbing harder with joy, and pulled her sis and her BDFF both in for a group hug.
"How about if we take them for a spin," suggested Xe as she hopped up on hers. Tye didn't have to be asked twice.
"Sho, take our picture," the BFF's said in unison, before breaking out in giggles.
Off they both flew out the door and across the top of the jungle. They could see King the snake and little Missy the mouse taking a leisurely stroll on the jungle path; lots of beautifully colored birds they didn't know, as well as Tyeko, their next door neighbor; and various other inhabitants of the jungle. Soon, their growling stomachs urged them to tell the carpets to take them to Hut Canada, where they were hoping for more banana splits. Being mischievious youngsters, they got distracted once they arrived at the hut.
"Hey, Xe, do you want to try jumping onto the roof of Hut Canada with me?" meowed Tye.
Lost in her own thoughts, Xe mused, "I wonder what would happen if I climbed onto Tye's carpet…"
"Girls!" cried out Sho. "I thought you were mature enough to have your own carpets, but maybe I was wrong."
Startled, Xe said the first thing that came to mind. "Will you make me a banana split to go? I need to pack my suitcase. It's a long way to Paris, even with my new carpet," she explained.
"Paris?" Sho and Tye both exclaimed as the carpets settled softly onto the grass.
"That's my second surprise," giggled Xe. "Mommy also said that with my new self-driving carpet, plus me being three whole years old now, that I'm allowed to take a trip. I picked Paris. That's where Mommy took me our first summer together, and I've been wanting to go back and see more of the city."
While Sho made breakfast banana splits (they had granola sprinkled on top), they all chatted about everything Xe would see see and do in Paris. Sho also said that they planned on leaving for the country Canada the next day, so they still had some preparations to make. Then the sisters hurriedly cleaned up the kitchen while Xe packed her suitcase.
"Give your carpet good directions, and listen to its warnings," advised Sho.
"Have fun and send us postcards from Paris!" added Tye as she waved bye-bye.
"Text me your new address and I will send them there," Xe answered with a woofy smile.
With barely a whisper, the new carpet rose from the green grass of Sho and Tye's lawn. With a course set directly across two continents, Xe headed off to her next adventure.
Xena's Story: Paris
Here is a continuation of Ex's Story as she lands in Gay Paree. Her lifelong dream to enjoy Paris when she was older is coming true.
"I made it here to the City of Lights before dark," thought Xe as her magic flying carpet hovered close to the iconic Eiffel Tower. "La Ville–Lumière," she thought to herself. "Yes, I must start using the French I learned for when I got a chance to come here."
"I'm sure glad I tied my suitcase to my collar," she continued to muse. "There was quite a bit of turbulence over Turkey. All those big birds must have stirred up the air something fierce. Speaking of turkeys, my tummy's starting to rumble. "Swirl," Xe said to her carpet, that she had named Swirl, "take me to a cafe to get something to eat, please." Xe had been taught well, and carried her manners over even to her flying carpet.
"It's really late for my supper, but I remember that Parisians eat later than we do at home. Hmm, this place looks busy. I bet they have good food. I think I'll ask if they serve steak tartare — two of my favorite foods in one dish. I love that the restaurants in beautiful Paris allow dogs to dine with the peeps. I might have to ask for some help with the menu if they don't have what I want."
As Xe walked into the patio area, a nearby couple stopped her and – with a lovely British accent – the lady asked if she was with anyone. With only a slight hesitation, she admitted that she was in town by herself, doing some sightseeing. At that, the couple smiled and invited her to dine with them, even offering it to be their treat. Of course, Xe thought they were going to share their food treats with her, and was only mildly disappointed when she realized at the end of the meal that they meant they would pay her bill. She did indeed dine on raw ground meat and egg, while often wiping her beard so as to not appear uncivilized. Not wanting to offend anyone, she accepted a very small glass of red wine and spoke as much French as she could remember. Mostly though, Xe lapped a lot of water after her long flight from Tyeland.
That night, Xe slept soundly in a quiet little B&B that her Mommy had booked for her. Her hosts were ex-pats from the U.S. and were excited to hear about her life in Tennessee. When she fell asleep in the man's lap, he gently carried her to a quiet little room of her own and tucked her into a soft bed where, with a full tummy, she snoozed away the night.
Xe snoozed soundly until the dawn light peeked through the window.
Waking refreshed and ready to see the sights, Xe thanked her wonderful hosts with much tail wagging and promises to give them rave reviews on the Air B&B site. Off went the brave little schnauzer to visit the icon of Paris that she had spotted from the sky the previous evening: the Eiffel Tower.
On the way, Xe wondered about all the people playing in the Seine. Since the day proved to be heating up quickly, she decided to grab her ball from her little rucksack and jump in the water.
She swam up to a man who was all alone and asked, "Vux-tu jouer au ballon?" When he looked at her puzzled, she realized he was also American, so she said, "Do you want to play ball?" He readily agreed, tossing it only a short way. After many swims to retrieve the ball, Xe decided that although she was having fun, she didn't want to wear herself out in the water. There was so much more to do and see in the City of Lights! She bade him adieu and swam to shore – with her ball.
She soon reached the boulevard around the Eiffel Tower, where she stopped to eat a bit of brunch. All that swimming had made her famished.
Xe bowed her head and gave thanks for her safe trip to Paris, for her new friends, for her Mommy, and for her food. While her eyes were closed, a French Poodle came up to her to see what she was "looking at."
"Qu'est ce que tu regardes?" inquired the poodle.
Startled, Xe jumped and barely stopped a growl before the poodle could hear it. She covered her reaction by asking the dog's name. "Comment t'appelles-tu?"
"Je m'appelle Gigi," she replied in a soft voice. "Et tu?"
"Je m'appelle Xexe," Xe smiled.
"Gigi et XeXe!" they both exclaimed, and thus began a new friendship.

redpajama_set_name: RedPajamaCommonCrawl


Last night I dreamt that my sister and I had to dispose of a body. First we were called in to investigate the body. I don't know for what. Presumably cause of death. But for whatever reason we decided we needed to dispose of it. So the body was in a clinic type place. I don't know how we disposed of it. It just happened. I just remember the part where I was wiping down the counters. And I found forks stored in the cabinet which explained why there was a shortage of forks last night. Someone idiot had put them away in the cabinet instead of the silverware drawer.
Also there was some subplot that involved a serial killer that killed people by removing 1 essential organ. I don't know if he reached in and took it out or he could just make it disappear magically or if he performed surgery. Prolly not surgery, though, since there were no visible scars on the bodies.
Then we somehow had to leave without getting pinned with disposing of the body. I mean, we were called in to examine the body so if the body went missing right after we saw it, it would automatically throw suspicion on us. This part of the plan was never really thought out. We basically just left and hoped for the best.
Then Rolf got hit for 16 points of damage which brought his total HP from 19 to 3. A guy with a missile weapon equipped doesn't get a counter on an opponent using a melee weapon. And for some reason, Boyd, Oscar, and Kieran weren't enough to bring this guy down. I think his having an axe had something to do with it. Boyd and Kieran both use axes so there's no advantage when attacking another guy with an axe. And Oscar uses a lance which is weak against axes, so he took a penalty. But at least if I could surround this guy on 3 sides with Boyd, Oscar, and Kieran, it would give me enough time to move Rhys over to Rolf and get him healed.


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This gated mega estate, dubbed "Casa Paradiso", is located at 5990 Patrick Lane in Las Vegas, NV and is situated on 5 acres of land. It was built in 2006 and is comprise of a main house and entertainment building. It is owned by Todd Slusher, the president of Southwest Homes, who also owns THIS Nevada mansion.
The single story main house features 7 bedrooms, 12 full and 2 half bathrooms, foyer, formal living & dining rooms, wine cellar & butler's pantry, double height gourmet kitchen with 3 islands, breakfast room, double height family room, home office, billiards/game room, home theater with concession stand, gym, 12-car garage and more.
The entertainment building features an indoor hockey rink/basketball court, indoor squash/racquetball court, indoor batting cages, gourmet kitchen and more.
Outdoor features include 4 gated entrances, porte-cochere (main house), covered loggias, fireplace, summer kitchen/BBQ, putting green and a swimming pool with spa and water slide.
It is listed at $25,000,000.


text:
Payback for Lighting Controls: Less than Three Years
Let the sun shine in—and cut your power bills.
Michael Kanellos May 11, 2010
Michael Kanellos
Even in places where power is cheap, you can save money with lighting controls pretty quickly, according to data from Lumenergi.
The company -- which makes a system for controlling and dimming fluorescent tube lights in commercial buildings -- has started to rack up a number of large-scale contracts that, ideally, will serve as proof-of-concepts for wider acceptance. Lumenergi's technology has been installed in government buildings in Nevada and California. This week, the company announced it will put its equipment into the E.O. Thompson State Office Building in Texas.
On the commercial side, a large bank in New York with a sizable number of offices may soon evaluate the technology in two of its buildings, said CEO Mike D'Amour in a phone interview. And, although the bank in question is looking at installing Lumenergi's technology in its own facilities, commercial landlords have begun to evaluate lighting controls for the office spaces they lease to others.
"They all want to differentiate themselves from the building across the street," he said. "You never tell a prospective tenant 'Look. We have light switches.'"
But exactly how much does the technology save? It can curb the power consumption in lights by about 60 percent, D'Amour reported. In California, where power sells for 11 cents a kilowatt during off-peak periods and far more in the afternoon, that means that the technology will pay for itself in about two years.
In Texas, where expensive power might cost around 9.43 cents a kilowatt hour, payback occurs in 2.7 years, according to D'Amour (that's his real name, by the way).
The payback periods do not include the 60-cents-per-square-foot tax credit offered by the federal government, D'Amour added. Under the provisions of the tax credit program, building owners can get 60 cents for new lighting, 60 cents per square foot for improving the building envelope, and 60 cents per square foot for improving the HVAC system.
"Things are moving forward fast," he said. "We are taking large orders from OEMs." In this case, the OEMs in question would be lighting equipment makers.
Lighting control will be one of the big topics later this week at LightFair, the confab taking place in Las Vegas, as well as The Networked Grid conference, which is taking place a week later in Palm Springs. (Other LightFair notes: as expected, Philips will show off its household LED bulb but, disappointingly, still is not talking prices.)
Besides simply curbing the total amount of power consumed, Lumenergi's system can be synchronized with time-of-use billing and demand response systems to curtail lighting during crucial peak periods, further boosting savings and potentially whittling down the payback period even more.
While lighting control was a somewhat obscure concept a few years ago, a variety of companies have come into the space in recent years. Lighting consumes around 22 percent of the electricity in America, and the vast majority of lights are not networked or controlled remotely. It's one of the few frontiers of local area networking left. Like Adura Technologies, Lumenergi has decided to initially concentrate on fluorescent lights, the standard light used in offices today. Adura's technology, however, relies on wireless mesh networking, while Lumenergi links directly into the existing building management system. Which system works best?
There's a good chance that both companies will encourage their big customers to talk about that soon.


2. My loyal and whole hearted participation in Campfire Girls wherein I made and proudly wore a potpourri of handicrafts including a necklace made of marbles and a sweatshirt tastefully decorated with a rainbow swirl of puff paint.
3. My boyfriend Greg Larson (the above mentioned peanut butter, salt man etc. etc.). Who, bless his heart, was committed and kind and smart and...hopelessly nerdy.
1. Heather Daley liked me (She kissed older boys. She was friends with Jenny Phillips, the IT girl of Hiteon Elementary. She got her period before the rest of us.). Every Friday we wore matching outfits which was a bold and earnest statement of our mutual admiration.
3. My bangs: not too tall and just crispy enough ala the 1991 "claw" hairstyle wave.
3. I have bangs. Ok, technically, I don't have bangs yet. But this Saturday I will be getting my hair cut into delicious, fat non-crunchy bangs.
I feel that the main thing keeping me from crossing the threshold of cool is a friend who is willing to wear matching outfits with me on Twin Friday. Anyone?? It is only then--while simultaneously sporting Chan Marshall bangs, dropping the deuce, listening to Ira on my ipod and clad in coordinating American Apparel hoodies with my B.F.F.--can I claim to have outgrown my proverbial khakis and therein exclaim "Ladies and gentleman, I have arrived." Word.