`` Why , anybody would be afraid to go . You might be -- why , you might be killed . '' `` I would n't mind that if it did n't hurt , '' muttered Walter . `` I do n't think I 'm afraid of death itself -- it 's of the pain that might come before death -- it would n't be so bad to die and have it over -- but to keep on dying ! Rilla , I 've always been afraid of pain -- you know that . I ca n't help it -- I shudder when I think of the possibility of being mangled or -- or blinded . Rilla , I can not face that thought . To be blind -- never to see the beauty of the world again -- moonlight on Four Winds -- the stars twinkling through the fir-trees -- mist on the gulf . I ought to go -- I ought to want to go -- but I do n't -- I hate the thought of it -- I 'm ashamed -- ashamed . '' `` But , Walter , you could n't go anyhow , '' said Rilla piteously . She was sick with a new terror that Walter would go after all . `` You 're not strong enough . '' `` I am . I 've felt as fit as ever I did this last month . I 'd pass any examination -- I know it . Everybody thinks I 'm not strong yet -- and I 'm skulking behind that belief . I -- I should have been a girl , '' Walter concluded in a burst of passionate bitterness . `` Even if you were strong enough , you ought n't to go , '' sobbed Rilla . `` What would mother do ? She 's breaking her heart over Jem .
It would kill her XXXXX see you both go . ''
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