Hugh made no attempt to meet me , or speak with me , and I would not have permitted it if he had . But my heart always yearned after him . I was selfishly glad he had not married , because if he had I could not have thought and dreamed of him -- it would have been wrong . Perhaps , as it was , it was foolish ; but it seemed to me that I must have something , if only foolish dreams , to fill my life . At first there was only pain in the thought of him , but afterwards a faint , misty little pleasure crept in , like a mirage from a land of lost delight . Ten years slipped away thus . And then Hester died . Her illness was sudden and short ; but , before she died , she asked me to promise that I would never marry Hugh Blair . She had not mentioned his name for years . I thought she had forgotten all about him . `` Oh , dear sister , is there any need of such a promise ? '' I asked , weeping . `` Hugh Blair does not want to marry me now . He never will again . '' `` He has never married -- he has not forgotten you , '' she said fiercely . `` I could not rest in my grave if I thought you would disgrace your family by marrying beneath you . Promise me , Margaret . '' I promised . I would have promised anything in my power to make her dying pillow easier . Besides , what did it matter ?
I was sure that Hugh would never think XXXXX me again .
At Besides about after as for if in like of