Perhaps it was very weak of me , but then I was always weak . I think that was why Hugh 's strength had appealed so to me . I needed love and protection . Hester , strong and self-sufficient , had never felt such a need . She could not understand . Oh , how contemptuous she was . I told Hugh timidly that Hester did not approve of our friendship and that it must end . He took it quietly enough , and went away . I thought he did not care much , and the thought selfishly made my own heartache worse . I was very unhappy for a long time , but I tried not to let Hester see it , and I do n't think she did . She was not very discerning in some things . After a time I got over it ; that is , the heartache ceased to ache all the time . But things were never quite the same again . Life always seemed rather dreary and empty , in spite of Hester and my roses and my Sunday-School . I supposed that Hugh Blair would find him a wife elsewhere , but he did not . The years went by and we never met , although I saw him often at church . At such times Hester always watched me very closely , but there was no need of her to do so . Hugh made no attempt to meet me , or speak with me , and I would not have permitted it if he had . But my heart always yearned after him . I was selfishly glad he had not married , because if he had I could not have thought and dreamed of him -- it would have been wrong .
Perhaps , as it was , it was foolish ; but it seemed to me that I must have something , if only foolish dreams , XXXXX fill my life .
After although at by for if in of to with