I fall over things as it is , and what will it be with long dresses ? As far back as I can remember it has been my one aim and object in life to escape company . Oh , if only one need never grow up ! If I could only go back four years and stay there ! Mother laments over it muchly . She says she does n't know what she has done to have such a shy , unpresentable daughter . I know . She married Grandmother Marshall 's son , and Grandmother Marshall was as shy as she was economical . Mother triumphed over heredity with Jen and Sue and Alice , but it came off best with me . The other girls are noted for their grace and tact . But I 'm the black sheep and always will be . It would n't worry me so much if they 'd leave me alone and stop nagging me . `` Oh , for a lodge in some vast wilderness , '' where there were no men , no parties , no dinners ... just quantities of dogs and horses and skating ponds and woods ! I need never put on long dresses then , but just be a jolly little girl forever . However , I 've got one beautiful year before me yet , and I mean to make the most of it . * * * * * January Tenth . It is rather good to have a diary to pour out your woes in when you feel awfully bad and have no one to sympathize with you . I 've been used to shutting them all up in my soul and then they sometimes fermented and made trouble . We had a lot of people here to dinner tonight , and that made me miserable to begin with . I had to dress up in a stiff white dress with a sash , and Jen tied two big white fly-away bows on my hair that kept rasping my neck and tickling my ears in a most exasperating way .
Then an old lady whom I detest tried XXXXX make me talk before everybody , and all I could do was to turn as red as a beet and stammer : `` Yes , ma'am , '' `` no , ma'am . ''
If as before for of on over that to with