He had a little money which his father had left him , enough to take him west . He would go there , under a new name . There would be novelty and adventure to blot out the memories of the old years . He did not care what became of him , since there was no one else to care . He knew in his heart that his future career would probably lead him still further and further downward , but that did not matter . If there had been anybody to care , he might have thought it worthwhile to struggle back to respectability and trample his shame under feet that should henceforth walk only in the ways of honour and honesty . But there was nobody to care . So he would go to his own place . But first he must see little Joey , who must be quite a big boy now , nearly ten years old . He would go home and see him just once , even although he dreaded meeting aversion in the child 's eyes . Then , when he had bade him good-bye , and , with him , good-bye to all that remained to make for good in his desolated existence , he would go out of his life forever . `` I 'll go straight to the devil then , '' he said sullenly . `` That 's where I belong , a jail-bird at whom everybody except other jail-birds looks askance . To think what I was once , and what I am now ! It 's enough to drive a man mad ! As for repenting , bah ! Who 'd believe that I really repented , who 'd give me a second chance on the faith of it ? Not a soul . Repentance wo n't blot out the past . It wo n't give me back my wife whom I loved above everything on earth and whose heart I broke .
It wo n't restore me my unstained name and my right XXXXX a place among honourable men .
If So although except of on since to under with