I had not known a woman could be so fair and sweet . Her beauty awes me , the purity of her soul shines so clearly through it like an illuminating lamp . I love her with all my power of loving and I am thankful that it is so . It would have been hard to die without having known love . I am glad that it has come to me , even if its price is unspeakable bitterness . A man has not lived for nothing who has known and loved Sylvia Stanleymain . I must not seek her love -- that is denied me . If I were well and strong I should win it ; yes , I believe I could win it , and nothing in the world would prevent me from trying , but , as things are , it would be the part of a coward to try . Yet I can not resist the delight of being with her , of talking to her , of watching her wonderful face . She is in my thoughts day and night , she dwells in my dreams . O , Sylvia , I love you , my sweet ! A week later there was another entry : July Seventeenth . I am afraid . To-day I met Sylvia 's eyes . In them was a look which at first stirred my heart to its deeps with tumultuous delight , and then I remembered . I must spare her that suffering , at whatever cost to myself . I must not let myself dwell on the dangerous sweetness of the thought that her heart is turning to me . What would be the crowning joy to another man could be only added sorrow to me . Then : July Eighteenth . This morning I took the train to the city .
I was determined to know the worst once XXXXX all .
In as at for from if like of that to