`` But -- oh , it 's so -- so shameful , '' murmured Leslie . `` To love him -- unsought -- and when I 'm not free to love anybody . '' `` There 's nothing shameful about it . But I 'm very sorry that you have learned to care for Owen , because , as things are , it will only make you more unhappy . '' `` I did n't LEARN to care , '' said Leslie , walking on and speaking passionately . `` If it had been like that I could have prevented it . I never dreamed of such a thing until that day , a week ago , when he told me he had finished his book and must soon go away . Then -- then I knew . I felt as if someone had struck me a terrible blow . I did n't say anything -- I could n't speak -- but I do n't know what I looked like . I 'm so afraid my face betrayed me . Oh , I would die of shame if I thought he knew -- or suspected . '' Anne was miserably silent , hampered by her deductions from her conversation with Owen . Leslie went on feverishly , as if she found relief in speech . `` I was so happy all this summer , Anne -- happier than I ever was in my life . I thought it was because everything had been made clear between you and me , and that it was our friendship which made life seem so beautiful and full once more . And it WAS , in part -- but not all -- oh , not nearly all . I know now why everything was so different . And now it 's all over -- and he has gone . How can I live , Anne ?
When I turned back into the house this morning after he had gone the solitude struck me like a blow XXXXX the face . ''
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