A man has not lived for nothing who has known and loved Sylvia Stanleymain . I must not seek her love -- that is denied me . If I were well and strong I should win it ; yes , I believe I could win it , and nothing in the world would prevent me from trying , but , as things are , it would be the part of a coward to try . Yet I can not resist the delight of being with her , of talking to her , of watching her wonderful face . She is in my thoughts day and night , she dwells in my dreams . O , Sylvia , I love you , my sweet ! A week later there was another entry : July Seventeenth . I am afraid . To-day I met Sylvia 's eyes . In them was a look which at first stirred my heart to its deeps with tumultuous delight , and then I remembered . I must spare her that suffering , at whatever cost to myself . I must not let myself dwell on the dangerous sweetness of the thought that her heart is turning to me . What would be the crowning joy to another man could be only added sorrow to me . Then : July Eighteenth . This morning I took the train to the city . I was determined to know the worst once for all . The time had come when I must . My doctor at home had put me off with vague hopes and perhapses . So I went to a noted physician in the city . I told him I wanted the whole truth -- I made him tell it .
Stripped XXXXX all softening verbiage it is this : I have perhaps eight months or a year to live -- no more !
If In So as at for from of on that