She is very beautiful and stately and wonderful , with a low , cold voice and proud , dark eyes . Her face is like Paul 's but without the loveableness of his . She talked to me for a long time and she said terrible things -- terrible , because I knew they were all true . I seemed to see everything through her eyes . She said that Paul was infatuated with my youth and beauty but that it would not last and what else I to give him ? She said Paul must marry a woman of his own class , who could do honor to his fame and position . She said that he was very talented and had a great career before him , but that if he married me it would ruin his life . I saw it all , just as she explained it out , and I told her at last that I would not marry Paul , and she might tell him so . But she smiled and said I must tell him myself , because he would not believe any one else . I could have begged her to spare me that , but I knew it would be of no use . I do not think she has any pity or mercy for any one . Besides , what she said was quite true . When she thanked me for being so REASONABLE I told her I was not doing it to please her , but for Paul 's sake , because I would not spoil his life , and that I would always hate her . She smiled again and went away . Oh , how can I bear it ? I did not know any one could suffer like this ! August 18 . I have done it . I wrote to Paul to-day . I knew I must tell him by letter , because I could never make him believe it face to face .
I was afraid I could not even do it XXXXX letter .
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