His mother met him at the door . `` Where are you going ? '' she asked querulously . Lawrence looked her squarely in the face with accusing eyes , before which her own quailed . `` I 'm going to see Bessy Houghton , Mother , '' he said sternly , `` and to ask her pardon for believing the lie that has kept us apart so long . '' Mrs. Eastman flushed crimson and opened her lips to speak . But something in Lawrence 's grave , white face silenced her . She turned away without a word , knowing in her secret soul that her youngest-born was lost to her forever . Lawrence found Bessy in the orchard under apple trees that were pyramids of pearly bloom . She looked at him through the twilight with reproach and aloofness in her eyes . But he put out his hands and caught her reluctant ones in a masterful grasp . `` Listen to me , Bessy . Do n't condemn me before you 've heard me . I 've been to blame for believing falsehoods about you , but I believe them no longer , and I 've come to ask you to forgive me . '' He told his story simply and straightforwardly . In strict justice he could not keep his mother 's name out of it , but he merely said she had been mistaken . Perhaps Bessy understood none the less . She knew what Mrs. Eastman 's reputation in Lynnfield was . `` You might have had a little more faith in me , '' she cried reproachfully . `` I know -- I know .
But I was beside myself XXXXX pain and wretchedness .
In at before for of through to under with without