I did not know any one could suffer like this ! August 18 . I have done it . I wrote to Paul to-day . I knew I must tell him by letter , because I could never make him believe it face to face . I was afraid I could not even do it by letter . I suppose a clever woman easily could , but I am so stupid . I wrote a great many letters and tore them up , because I felt sure they would n't convince Paul . At last I got one that I thought would do . I knew I must make it seems as if I were very frivolous and heartless , or he would never believe . I spelled some words wrong and put in some mistakes of grammar on purpose . I told him I had just been flirting with him , and that I had another fellow at home I liked better . I said FELLOW because I knew it would disgust him . I said that it was only because he was rich that I was tempted to marry him . I thought would my heart would break while I was writing those dreadful falsehoods . But it was for his sake , because I must not spoil his life . His mother told me I would be a millstone around his neck . I love Paul so much that I would do anything rather than be that . It would be easy to die for him , but I do n't see how I can go on living . I think my letter will convince Paul .
I suppose it convinced Paul , because there was no further entry XXXXX the little brown book .
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