I lie awake at night and see things that have happened -- see the blood and filth and misery of it all . And a bayonet charge ! If I could face the other things I could never face that . It turns me sick to think of it -- sicker even to think of giving it than receiving it -- to think of thrusting a bayonet through another man . '' Walter writhed and shuddered . `` I think of these things all the time -- and it does n't seem to me that Jem and Jerry ever think of them . They laugh and talk about ` potting Huns ' ! But it maddens me to see them in the khaki . And they think I 'm grumpy because I 'm not fit to go . '' Walter laughed bitterly . `` It is not a nice thing to feel yourself a coward . '' But Rilla got her arms about him and cuddled her head on his shoulder . She was so glad he did n't want to go -- for just one minute she had been horribly frightened . And it was so nice to have Walter confiding his troubles to her -- to her , not Di . She did n't feel so lonely and superfluous any longer . `` Do n't you despise me , Rilla-my-Rilla ? '' asked Walter wistfully . Somehow , it hurt him to think Rilla might despise him -- hurt him as much as if it had been Di . He realized suddenly how very fond he was of this adoring kid sister with her appealing eyes and troubled , girlish face . `` No , I do n't .
Why , Walter , hundreds XXXXX people feel just as you do .
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