The doleful fact is , I 'm too wretchedly shy and awkward to live . It fills my soul with terror to think of donning long dresses and putting my hair up and going into society . I ca n't talk and men frighten me to death . I fall over things as it is , and what will it be with long dresses ? As far back as I can remember it has been my one aim and object in life to escape company . Oh , if only one need never grow up ! If I could only go back four years and stay there ! Mother laments over it muchly . She says she does n't know what she has done to have such a shy , unpresentable daughter . I know . She married Grandmother Marshall 's son , and Grandmother Marshall was as shy as she was economical . Mother triumphed over heredity with Jen and Sue and Alice , but it came off best with me . The other girls are noted for their grace and tact . But I 'm the black sheep and always will be . It would n't worry me so much if they 'd leave me alone and stop nagging me . `` Oh , for a lodge in some vast wilderness , '' where there were no men , no parties , no dinners ... just quantities of dogs and horses and skating ponds and woods ! I need never put on long dresses then , but just be a jolly little girl forever . However , I 've got one beautiful year before me yet , and I mean to make the most of it . * * * * * January Tenth . It is rather good to have a diary to pour out your woes in when you feel awfully bad and have no one to sympathize with you .
I 've been used XXXXX shutting them all up in my soul and then they sometimes fermented and made trouble .
As before escape for if in of over to years