The Newbridge people all wondered why I had not put on mourning for Hester . I did not tell them it was because Hester had asked me not to . Hester had never approved of mourning ; she said that if the heart did not mourn crape would not mend matters ; and if it did there was no need of the external trappings of woe . She told me calmly , the night before she died , to go on wearing my pretty dresses just as I had always worn them , and to make no difference in my outward life because of her going . `` I know there will be a difference in your inward life , '' she said wistfully . And oh , there was ! But sometimes I wondered uneasily , feeling almost conscience-stricken , whether it were wholly because Hester had left me -- whether it were no partly because , for a second time , I had shut the door of my heart in the face of love at her bidding . When I had dressed I went downstairs to the front door , and sat on the sandstone steps under the arch of the Virginia creeper . I was all alone , for Mary Sloane had gone to Avonlea . It was a beautiful night ; the full moon was just rising over the wooded hills , and her light fell through the poplars into the garden before me . Through an open corner on the western side I saw the sky all silvery blue in the afterlight . The garden was very beautiful just then , for it was the time of the roses , and ours were all out -- so many of them -- great pink , and red , and white , and yellow roses . Hester had loved roses and could never have enough of them . Her favorite bush was growing by the steps , all gloried over with blossoms -- white , with pale pink hearts . I gathered a cluster and pinned it loosely on my breast . But my eyes filled as I did so -- I felt so very , very desolate . I was all alone , and it was bitter . The roses , much as I loved them , could not give me sufficient companionship . I wanted the clasp of a human hand , and the love-light in human eyes . And then I fell to thinking of Hugh , though I tried not to .
I had always lived alone XXXXX Hester .
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