He does n't go about with Jem and Jerry at all . I shall never forget Susan 's face when Jem came home in his khaki . It worked and twisted as if she were going to cry , but all she said was , ` You look almost like a man in that , Jem . ' Jem laughed . He never minds because Susan thinks him just a child still . Everybody seems busy but me . I wish there was something I could do but there does n't seem to be anything . Mother and Nan and Di are busy all the time and I just wander about like a lonely ghost . What hurts me terribly , though , is that mother 's smiles , and Nan 's , just seem put on from the outside . Mother 's eyes never laugh now . It makes me feel that I should n't laugh either -- that it 's wicked to feel laughy . And it 's so hard for me to keep from laughing , even if Jem is going to be a soldier . But when I laugh I do n't enjoy it either , as I used to do . There 's something behind it all that keeps hurting me -- especially when I wake up in the night . Then I cry because I am afraid that Kitchener of Khartoum is right and the war will last for years and Jem may be -- but no , I wo n't write it . It would make me feel as if it were really going to happen . The other day Nan said , ` Nothing can ever be quite the same for any of us again . ' It made me feel rebellious . Why should n't things be the same again -- when everything is over and Jem and Jerry are back ? We 'll all be happy and jolly again and these days will seem just like a bad dream .
`` The coming XXXXX the mail is the most exciting event of every day now .
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