I thought of how I must look beside her ... an awkward little girl in a short skirt with my hair in a braid and too many hands and feet , and I would have given anything then to be tall and grown-up and graceful . I watched her all the evening and the queer feeling in me somewhere grew worse and worse . I could n't eat anything . Sidney took Mrs. Rennie in ; they sat opposite to me and talked all the time . I was so glad when the dinner was over and everybody gone . The first thing I did when I escaped to my room was to go to the glass and look myself over just as critically and carefully as if I were somebody else . I saw a great rope of dark brown hair ... a brown skin with red cheeks ... a big red mouth ... a pair of grey eyes . That was all . And when I thought of that shimmering witch woman with her white skin and shining hair I wanted to put out the light and cry in the dark . Only I 've never cried since I was a child and broke my last doll , and I 've got so out of the habit that I do n't know how to go about it . * * * * * April Fifth . Aunt Jemima would not think I was getting the good out of my diary . A whole month and not a word ! But there was nothing to write , and I 've felt too miserable to write if there had been . I do n't know what is the matter with me . I 'm just cross and horrid to everyone , even to poor Sidney . Mrs. Rennie has been queening it in Riverton society for the past month . People rave over her and I admire her horribly , although I do n't like her . Mrs. Burnett says that a match between her and Sidney Elliot is a foregone conclusion . It 's plain to be seen that Mrs. Rennie loves Sidney .
Even I can see XXXXX , and I do n't know much about such things .
although beside between in of over since that to with