I was still chained to the cage but I was not in it . And that night I felt that a merciless hand was drawing me back into the cage -- back to a torture even more terrible than it had once been . I did n't blame Gilbert . I felt he was right . And he had been very good -- he said that if , in view of the expense and uncertainty of the operation , I should decide not to risk it , he would not blame me in the least . But I knew how I ought to decide -- and I could n't face it . All night I walked the floor like a mad woman , trying to compel myself to face it . I could n't , Anne -- I thought I could n't -- and when morning broke I set my teeth and resolved that I WOULD N'T . I would let things remain as they were . It was very wicked , I know . It would have been just punishment for such wickedness if I had just been left to abide by that decision . I kept to it all day . That afternoon I had to go up to the Glen to do some shopping . It was one of Dick 's quiet , drowsy days , so I left him alone . I was gone a little longer than I had expected , and he missed me . He felt lonely . And when I got home , he ran to meet me just like a child , with such a pleased smile on his face . Somehow , Anne , I just gave way then . That smile on his poor vacant face was more than I could endure . I felt as if I were denying a child the chance to grow and develop .
I knew XXXXX I must give him his chance , no matter what the consequences might be .
for if in into like of than that to with