It ca n't bring him back . It -- it -- is n't right to cry so . I knew that today , but I could n't help it then . He 'd always been such a good , kind brother to me -- but God knows best . '' `` Oh , just let me cry , Marilla , '' sobbed Anne . `` The tears do n't hurt me like that ache did . Stay here for a little while with me and keep your arm round me -- so . I could n't have Diana stay , she 's good and kind and sweet -- but it 's not her sorrow -- she 's outside of it and she could n't come close enough to my heart to help me . It 's our sorrow -- yours and mine . Oh , Marilla , what will we do without him ? '' `` We 've got each other , Anne . I do n't know what I 'd do if you were n't here -- if you 'd never come . Oh , Anne , I know I 've been kind of strict and harsh with you maybe -- but you must n't think I did n't love you as well as Matthew did , for all that . I want to tell you now when I can . It 's never been easy for me to say things out of my heart , but at times like this it 's easier . I love you as dear as if you were my own flesh and blood and you 've been my joy and comfort ever since you came to Green Gables . '' Two days afterwards they carried Matthew Cuthbert over his homestead threshold and away from the fields he had tilled and the orchards he had loved and the trees he had planted ; and then Avonlea settled back to its usual placidity and even at Green Gables affairs slipped into their old groove and work was done and duties fulfilled with regularity as before , although always with the aching sense of `` loss in all familiar things . '' Anne , new to grief , thought it almost sad that it could be so -- that they COULD go on in the old way without Matthew . She felt something like shame and remorse when she discovered that the sunrises behind the firs and the pale pink buds opening in the garden gave her the old inrush of gladness when she saw them -- that Diana 's visits were pleasant to her and that Diana 's merry words and ways moved her to laughter and smiles -- that , in brief , the beautiful world of blossom and love and friendship had lost none of its power to please her fancy and thrill her heart , that life still called to her with many insistent voices . `` It seems like disloyalty to Matthew , somehow , to find pleasure in these things now that he has gone , '' she said wistfully to Mrs. Allan one evening when they were together in the manse garden .
`` I miss him so much -- all the time -- and yet , Mrs. Allan , the world and life seem very beautiful and interesting XXXXX me for all .
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