I 'm lost . '' Walter sat down on a neighbouring stone and took Rilla 's little appealing hand . `` I 'm afraid our old world has come to an end , Rilla . We 've got to face that fact . '' `` It 's so terrible to think of Jem , '' pleaded Rilla . `` Sometimes I forget for a little while what it really means and feel excited and proud -- and then it comes over me again like a cold wind . '' `` I envy Jem ! '' said Walter moodily . `` Envy Jem ! Oh , Walter you -- you do n't want to go too . '' `` No , '' said Walter , gazing straight before him down the emerald vistas of the valley , `` no , I do n't want to go . That 's just the trouble . Rilla , I 'm afraid to go . I 'm a coward . '' `` You 're not ! '' Rilla burst out angrily . `` Why , anybody would be afraid to go . You might be -- why , you might be killed . '' `` I would n't mind that if it did n't hurt , '' muttered Walter . `` I do n't think I 'm afraid of death itself -- it 's of the pain that might come before death -- it would n't be so bad to die and have it over -- but to keep on dying !
Rilla , I 've always been afraid XXXXX pain -- you know that .
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