I feel as if I ought n't to come even then -- I 'm always saying I wo n't do it again , because I know grandfather would n't like it , if he knew . '' `` He has never forbidden it , has he ? '' `` No , but that is because he does n't know I come here for that . He never thinks of such a thing . I feel sure he WOULD forbid it , if he knew . And that makes me very wretched . And yet I HAVE to come . Mr. Blair , do you know why grandfather ca n't bear to have me play on the violin ? He loves music , and he does n't mind my playing on the organ , if I do n't neglect other things . I ca n't understand it , can you ? '' `` I have a pretty good idea , but I ca n't tell you . It is n't my secret . Maybe he 'll tell you himself some day . But , mark you , young Felix , he has got good reasons for it all . Knowing what I know , I ca n't blame him over much , though I think he 's mistaken . Come now , play something more for me before you go -- something that 's bright and happy this time , so as to leave me with a good taste in my mouth . That last thing you played took me straight to heaven , -- but heaven 's awful near to hell , and at the last you tipped me in . '' `` I do n't understand you , '' said Felix , drawing his fine , narrow black brows together in a perplexed frown . `` No -- and I would n't want you to . You could n't understand unless you was an old man who had it in him once to do something and be a MAN , and just went and made himself a devilish fool .
But there must be something XXXXX you that understands things -- all kinds of things -- or you could n't put it all into music the way you do .
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