I 've felt as fit as ever I did this last month . I 'd pass any examination -- I know it . Everybody thinks I 'm not strong yet -- and I 'm skulking behind that belief . I -- I should have been a girl , '' Walter concluded in a burst of passionate bitterness . `` Even if you were strong enough , you ought n't to go , '' sobbed Rilla . `` What would mother do ? She 's breaking her heart over Jem . It would kill her to see you both go . '' `` Oh , I 'm not going -- do n't worry . I tell you I 'm afraid to go -- afraid . I do n't mince the matter to myself . It 's a relief to own up even to you , Rilla . I would n't confess it to anybody else -- Nan and Di would despise me . But I hate the whole thing -- the horror , the pain , the ugliness . War is n't a khaki uniform or a drill parade -- everything I 've read in old histories haunts me . I lie awake at night and see things that have happened -- see the blood and filth and misery of it all . And a bayonet charge ! If I could face the other things I could never face that . It turns me sick to think of it -- sicker even to think of giving it than receiving it -- to think of thrusting a bayonet through another man . '' Walter writhed and shuddered .
`` I think XXXXX these things all the time -- and it does n't seem to me that Jem and Jerry ever think of them .
If Jem Nan at behind in night of over to