But she knew now that she could give to John Meredith a love richer and more womanly . She knew that he touched deeps in her nature that Martin had never touched -- that had not , perhaps , been in the girl of seventeen to touch . And she must send him away to-night -- send him back to his lonely hearth and his empty life and his heart-breaking problems , because she had promised Ellen , ten years before , on their mother 's Bible , that she would never marry . John Meredith did not immediately grasp his opportunity . On the contrary , he talked for two good hours on the least lover-like of subjects . He even tried politics , though politics always bored Rosemary . The later began to think that she had been altogether mistaken , and her fears and expectations suddenly seemed to her grotesque . She felt flat and foolish . The glow went out of her face and the lustre out of her eyes . John Meredith had not the slightest intention of asking her to marry him . And then , quite suddenly , he rose , came across the room , and standing by her chair , he asked it . The room had grown terribly still . Even St. George ceased to purr . Rosemary heard her own heart beating and was sure John Meredith must hear it too . Now was the time for her to say no , gently but firmly . She had been ready for days with her stilted , regretful little formula . And now the words of it had completely vanished from her mind . She had to say no -- and she suddenly found she could not say it . It was the impossible word . She knew now that it was not that she COULD have loved John Meredith , but that she DID love him .
The thought of putting him XXXXX her life was agony .
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