There are moments when I quake with the fear that it is all a dream . I wonder if I can really be the same Cornelia Marshall I was yesterday . No , I 'm not the same ... and the difference is so blessed . Oh , I 'm so happy ! My heart bubbles over with happiness and song . It 's so wonderful and lovely to be a woman and know it and know that other people know it . You dear diary , you were made for this moment ... I shall write all about it in you and so fulfil your destiny . And then I shall put you away and never write anything more in you , because I shall not need you ... I shall have Sidney . Last night I was all alone in the house ... and I was so lonely and miserable . I put my chin on my hands and I thought ... and thought ... and thought . I imagined Sidney at the Greaves ' , talking to Mrs. Rennie with that velvety smile in his eyes . I could see her , graceful and white , in her trailing , clinging gown , with diamonds about her smooth neck and in her hair . I suddenly wondered what I would look like in evening dress with my hair up . I wondered if Sidney would like me in it . All at once I got up and rushed to Sue 's room . I lighted the gas , rummaged , and went to work . I piled my hair on top of my head , pinned it there , and thrust a long silver dagger through it to hold a couple of pale white roses she had left on her table . Then I put on her last winter 's party dress . It was such a pretty pale yellow thing , with touches of black lace , and it did n't matter about its being a little old-fashioned , since it fitted me like a glove . Finally I stepped back and looked at myself .
I saw a woman XXXXX that glass ... a tall , straight creature with crimson cheeks and glowing eyes ... and the thought in my mind was so insistent that it said itself aloud : `` Oh , I wish Sidney could see me now ! ''
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