She turned her eyes from Esterbrook Elliott 's set white face to the radiant gloom of the sea . `` That is best , '' she answered at last , slowly . `` Best -- yes ! Better that we had never met ! I love you -- you know it -- words are idle between us . I never loved before -- I thought I did . I made a mistake and I must pay the penalty of that mistake . You understand me ? '' `` I understand , '' she answered simply . `` I do not excuse myself -- I have been weak and cowardly and disloyal . But I have conquered myself -- I will be true to the woman to whom I am pledged . You and I must not meet again . I will crush this madness to death . I think I have been delirious ever since that day I saw you first , Magdalen . My brain is clearer now . I see my duty and I mean to do it at any cost . I dare not trust myself to say more . Magdalen , I have much for which to ask your forgiveness . '' `` There is nothing to forgive , '' she said steadily . `` I have been as much to blame as you .
If I had been as resolute as I ought XXXXX have been -- if I had sent you away the second time as I did the first -- this would not have come to pass .
Magdalen at between first for from of since that to