So he told him prettily enough , while the poor turnip listened very carefully ; and the more he listened , the more he forgot , and the more water ran out of him . Tom thought he was crying : but it was only his poor brains running away , from being worked so hard ; and as Tom talked , the unhappy turnip streamed down all over with juice , and split and shrank till nothing was left of him but rind and water ; whereat Tom ran away in a fright , for he thought he might be taken up for killing the turnip . But , on the contrary , the turnip 's parents were highly delighted , and considered him a saint and a martyr , and put up a long inscription over his tomb about his wonderful talents , early development , and unparalleled precocity . Were they not a foolish couple ? But there was a still more foolish couple next to them , who were beating a wretched little radish , no bigger than my thumb , for sullenness and obstinacy and wilful stupidity , and never knew that the reason why it could n't learn or hardly even speak was , that there was a great worm inside it eating out all its brains . But even they are no foolisher than some hundred score of papas and mammas , who fetch the rod when they ought to fetch a new toy , and send to the dark cupboard instead of to the doctor . Tom was so puzzled and frightened with all he saw , that he was longing to ask the meaning of it ; and at last he stumbled over a respectable old stick lying half covered with earth . But a very stout and worthy stick it was , for it belonged to good Roger Ascham in old time , and had carved on its head King Edward the Sixth , with the Bible in his hand . `` You see , '' said the stick , `` there were as pretty little children once as you could wish to see , and might have been so still if they had been only left to grow up like human beings , and then handed over to me ; but their foolish fathers and mothers , instead of letting them pick flowers , and make dirt-pies , and get birds ' nests , and dance round the gooseberry bush , as little children should , kept them always at lessons , working , working , working , learning week-day lessons all week-days , and Sunday lessons all Sunday , and weekly examinations every Saturday , and monthly examinations every month , and yearly examinations every year , everything seven times over , as if once was not enough , and enough as good as a feast -- till their brains grew big , and their bodies grew small , and they were all changed into turnips , with little but water inside ; and still their foolish parents actually pick the leaves off them as fast as they grow , lest they should have anything green about them . '' `` Ah ! '' said Tom , `` if dear Mrs. Doasyouwouldbedoneby knew of it she would send them a lot of tops , and balls , and marbles , and ninepins , and make them all as jolly as sand-boys . '' `` It would be no use , '' said the stick . `` They ca n't play now , if they tried . Do n't you see how their legs have turned to roots and grown into the ground , by never taking any exercise , but sapping and moping always in the same place ? But here comes the Examiner - of-all-Examiners . So you had better get away , I warn you , or he will examine you and your dog into the bargain , and set him to examine all the other dogs , and you to examine all the other water - babies . There is no escaping out of his hands , for his nose is nine thousand miles long , and can go down chimneys , and through keyholes , upstairs , downstairs , in my lady 's chamber , examining all little boys , and the little boys ' tutors likewise . But when he is thrashed -- so Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid has promised me -- I shall have the thrashing of him : and if I do n't lay it on with a will it 's a pity . '' Tom went off : but rather slowly and surlily ; for he was somewhat minded to face this same Examiner-of-all-Examiners , who came striding among the poor turnips , binding heavy burdens and grievous to be borne , and laying them on little children 's shoulders , like the Scribes and Pharisees of old , and not touching the same with one of his fingers ; for he had plenty of money , and a fine house to live in , and so forth ; which was more than the poor little turnips had . But when he got near , he looked so big and burly and dictatorial , and shouted so loud to Tom , to come and be examined , that Tom ran for his life , and the dog too .
And really it was time ; for the poor turnips , XXXXX their hurry and fright , crammed themselves so fast to be ready for the Examiner , that they burst and popped by dozens all round him , till the place sounded like Aldershot on a field - day , and Tom thought he should be blown into the air , dog and all .
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