So I am certain you will hear me now . '' The Carrier , with a troubled glance at Dot , who still kept far away from him , replied , `` Well ! that 's but fair . I will . '' `` You must know that when I left here a boy , '' said Edward , `` I was in love , and my love was returned . She was a very young girl , who perhaps -LRB- you may tell me -RRB- did n't know her own mind . But I knew mine , and I had a passion for her . '' `` You had ! '' exclaimed the Carrier . `` You ! '' `` Indeed I had , '' returned the other . `` And she returned it . I have ever since believed she did , and now I am sure she did . '' `` Heaven help me ! '' said the Carrier . `` This is worse than all . '' `` Constant to her , '' said Edward , `` and returning , full of hope , after many hardships and perils , to redeem my part of our old contract , I heard , twenty miles away , that she was false to me ; that she had forgotten me ; and had bestowed herself upon another and a richer man . I had no mind to reproach her ; but I wished to see her , and to prove beyond dispute that this was true . I hoped she might have been forced into it against her own desire and recollection . It would be small comfort , but it would be some , I thought , and on I came .
That I might have the truth , the real truth , observing freely XXXXX myself , and judging for myself , without obstruction on the one hand , or presenting my own influence -LRB- if I had any -RRB- before her , on the other , I dressed myself unlike myself -- you know how ; and waited on the road -- you know where .
So at for in into of since than to upon