And there he found all the wise people instructing mankind in the science of spirit-rapping , while their house was burning over their heads : and when Tom told them of the fire , they held an indignation meeting forthwith , and unanimously determined to hang Tom 's dog for coming into their country with gunpowder in his mouth . Tom could n't help saying that though they did fancy they had carried all the wit away with them out of Lincolnshire two hundred years ago , yet if they had had one such Lincolnshire nobleman among them as good old Lord Yarborough , he would have called for the fire-engines before he hanged other people 's dogs . But it was of no use , and the dog was hanged : and Tom could n't even have his carcase ; for they had abolished the have-his-carcase act in that country , for fear lest when rogues fell out , honest men should come by their own . And so they would have succeeded perfectly , as they always do , only that -LRB- as they also always do -RRB- they failed in one little particular , viz . that the dog would not die , being a water-dog , but bit their fingers so abominably that they were forced to let him go , and Tom likewise , as British subjects . Whereon they recommenced rapping for the spirits of their fathers ; and very much astonished the poor old spirits were when they came , and saw how , according to the laws of Mrs. Bedonebyasyoudid , their descendants had weakened their constitution by hard living . Then came Tom to the Island of Polupragmosyne -LRB- which some call Rogues ' Harbour ; but they are wrong ; for that is in the middle of Bramshill Bushes , and the county police have cleared it out long ago -RRB- . There every one knows his neighbour 's business better than his own ; and a very noisy place it is , as might be expected , considering that all the inhabitants are ex officio on the wrong side of the house in the `` Parliament of Man , and the Federation of the World ; '' and are always making wry mouths , and crying that the fairies ' grapes were sour . There Tom saw ploughs drawing horses , nails driving hammers , birds ' nests taking boys , books making authors , bulls keeping china-shops , monkeys shaving cats , dead dogs drilling live lions , blind brigadiers shelfed as principals of colleges , play-actors not in the least shelfed as popular preachers ; and , in short , every one set to do something which he had not learnt , because in what he had learnt , or pretended to learn , he had failed . There stands the Pantheon of the Great Unsuccessful , from the builders of the Tower of Babel to those of the Trafalgar Fountains ; in which politicians lecture on the constitutions which ought to have marched , conspirators on the revolutions which ought to have succeeded , economists on the schemes which ought to have made every one 's fortune , and projectors on the discoveries which ought to have set the Thames on fire . There cobblers lecture on orthopedy -LRB- whatsoever that may be -RRB- because they can not sell their shoes ; and poets on AEsthetics -LRB- whatsoever that may be -RRB- because they can not sell their poetry . There philosophers demonstrate that England would be the freest and richest country in the world , if she would only turn Papist again ; penny-a-liners abuse the Times , because they have not wit enough to get on its staff ; and young ladies walk about with lockets of Charles the First 's hair -LRB- or of somebody else 's , when the Jews ' genuine stock is used up -RRB- , inscribed with the neat and appropriate legend -- which indeed is popular through all that land , and which , I hope , you will learn to translate in due time and to perpend likewise : - `` Victrix causa diis placuit , sed victa puellis . '' When he got into the middle of the town , they all set on him at once , to show him his way ; or rather , to show him that he did not know his way ; for as for asking him what way he wanted to go , no one ever thought of that . But one pulled him hither , and another poked him thither , and a third cried - `` You must n't go west , I tell you ; it is destruction to go west . '' `` But I am not going west , as you may see , '' said Tom . And another , `` The east lies here , my dear ; I assure you this is the east . '' `` But I do n't want to go east , '' said Tom . `` Well , then , at all events , whichever way you are going , you are going wrong , '' cried they all with one voice -- which was the only thing which they ever agreed about ; and all pointed at once to all the thirty-and-two points of the compass , till Tom thought all the sign-posts in England had got together , and fallen fighting . And whether he would have ever escaped out of the town , it is hard to say , if the dog had not taken it into his head that they were going to pull his master in pieces , and tackled them so sharply about the gastrocnemius muscle , that he gave them some business of their own to think of at last ; and while they were rubbing their bitten calves , Tom and the dog got safe away . On the borders of that island he found Gotham , where the wise men live ; the same who dragged the pond because the moon had fallen into it , and planted a hedge round the cuckoo , to keep spring all the year .
And he found them bricking up the town gate , because it was so wide XXXXX little folks could not get through .
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