He went on in a softer tone : `` Did I consider , '' said the Carrier , `` that I took her -- at her age , and with her beauty -- from her young companions , and the many scenes of which she was the ornament ; in which she was the brightest little star that ever shone , to shut her up from day to day in my dull house , and keep my tedious company ? Did I consider how little suited I was to her sprightly humour , and how wearisome a plodding man like me must be to one of her quick spirit ? Did I consider that it was no merit in me , or claim in me , that I loved her , when everybody must who knew her ? Never . I took advantage of her hopeful nature and her cheerful disposition ; and I married her . I wish I never had ! For her sake ; not for mine ! '' The toy merchant gazed at him without winking . Even the half-shut eye was open now . `` Heaven bless her ! '' said the Carrier , `` for the cheerful constancy with which she has tried to keep the knowledge of this from me ! And Heaven help me , that , in my slow mind , I have not found it out before ! Poor child ! Poor Dot ! I not to find it out , who have seen her eyes fill with tears when such a marriage as our own was spoken of ! I , who have seen the secret trembling on her lips a hundred times , and never suspected it , till last night ! Poor girl ! That I could ever hope she would be fond of me ! That I could ever believe she was ! '' `` She made a show of it , '' said Tackleton .
`` She made such a show XXXXX it , that , to tell you the truth , it was the origin of my misgivings . ''
For as from in like of on that till without