When he got into the middle of the town , they all set on him at once , to show him his way ; or rather , to show him that he did not know his way ; for as for asking him what way he wanted to go , no one ever thought of that . But one pulled him hither , and another poked him thither , and a third cried - `` You must n't go west , I tell you ; it is destruction to go west . '' `` But I am not going west , as you may see , '' said Tom . And another , `` The east lies here , my dear ; I assure you this is the east . '' `` But I do n't want to go east , '' said Tom . `` Well , then , at all events , whichever way you are going , you are going wrong , '' cried they all with one voice -- which was the only thing which they ever agreed about ; and all pointed at once to all the thirty-and-two points of the compass , till Tom thought all the sign-posts in England had got together , and fallen fighting . And whether he would have ever escaped out of the town , it is hard to say , if the dog had not taken it into his head that they were going to pull his master in pieces , and tackled them so sharply about the gastrocnemius muscle , that he gave them some business of their own to think of at last ; and while they were rubbing their bitten calves , Tom and the dog got safe away . On the borders of that island he found Gotham , where the wise men live ; the same who dragged the pond because the moon had fallen into it , and planted a hedge round the cuckoo , to keep spring all the year . And he found them bricking up the town gate , because it was so wide that little folks could not get through . And , when he asked why , they told him they were expanding their liturgy . So he went on ; for it was no business of his : only he could not help saying that in his country , if the kitten could not get in at the same hole as the cat , she might stay outside and mew . But he saw the end of such fellows , when he came to the island of the Golden Asses , where nothing but thistles grow . For there they were all turned into mokes with ears a yard long , for meddling with matters which they do not understand , as Lucius did in the story . And like him , mokes they must remain , till , by the laws of development , the thistles develop into roses . Till then , they must comfort themselves with the thought , that the longer their ears are , the thicker their hides ; and so a good beating do n't hurt them . Then came Tom to the great land of Hearsay , in which are no less than thirty and odd kings , beside half a dozen Republics , and perhaps more by next mail . And there he fell in with a deep , dark , deadly , and destructive war , waged by the princes and potentates of those parts , both spiritual and temporal , against what do you think ? One thing I am sure of . That unless I told you , you would never know ; nor how they waged that war either ; for all their strategy and art military consisted in the safe and easy process of stopping their ears and screaming , `` Oh , do n't tell us ! '' and then running away .
So when Tom came into that land , he found them all , high and low , man , woman , and child , running for their lives day and night continually , and entreating not to be told they did n't know what : only the land being an island , and they having a dislike to the water -LRB- being a musty lot for the most part -RRB- , they ran round and round the shore for ever , which -LRB- as the island was exactly of the same circumference as the planet on which we have the honour of living -RRB- was hard work , especially XXXXX those who had business to look after .
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