Estella went about her work like one in a dream . A great hatred had sprung up in her heart against Vivienne LeMar . The simple-hearted country girl felt almost murderous . The whole day seemed like a nightmare to her . When night came she dressed herself with feverish care , for she could not quell the hope that Spencer would surely come again . But he did not ; and when she went up to bed , it did not seem as if she could live through the night . She lay staring wide-eyed through the darkness until dawn . She wished that she might cry , but no tears came to her relief . Next day she went to work with furious energy . When her usual tasks were done , she ransacked the house for other employment . She was afraid if she stopped work for a moment she would go mad . Mrs. Bowes watched her with a grim pity . At night she walked to prayer meeting in the schoolhouse a mile away . She always went , and Spencer was generally on hand to see her home . He was not there tonight . She wished she had not come . It was dreadful to have to sit still and think . She did not hear a word the minister said . She had to walk home with a crowd of girls and nerve herself to answer their merry sallies that no one might suspect . She was tortured by the fear that everyone knew her shame and humiliation and was pitying her .
She got hysterically gay , but underneath all she was constantly trying to assign a satisfactory reason XXXXX Spencer 's nonappearance .
At against by for if in that to until with