You 'll see , he 'll be ashamed of himself when he comes to them again . He knows very well in his heart that you 're worth ten girls like her . '' Estella faced around . `` Aunt , '' she said desperately , `` you mean well , I know , but you 're killing me ! I ca n't stand it . For pity 's sake , do n't say another word to me about this , no matter what happens . And do n't keep looking at me as if I were a martyr ! She watches us and it would please her to think I cared . I do n't -- and I mean she shall see I do n't . I guess I 'm well rid of a fellow as fickle as he is , and I 've sense enough to know it . '' She went upstairs then , tearing off her turquoise engagement ring as she climbed the steps . All sorts of wild ideas flashed through her head . She would go down and confront Vivienne LeMar -- she would rush off and find Spencer and throw his ring at him , no matter where he was -- she would go away where no one would ever see her again . Why could n't she die ? Was it possible people could suffer like this and yet go on living ? `` I do n't care -- I do n't care ! '' she moaned , telling the lie aloud to herself , as if she hoped that by this means she would come to believe it . When twilight came she went out to the front steps and leaned her aching head against the honeysuckle trellis . The sun had just set and the whole world swam in dusky golden light . The wonderful beauty frightened her .
She felt like a blot XXXXX it .
For about against at in like of on that through