Jo thought she was asleep , she lay so still , and putting down her book , sat looking at her with wistful eyes , trying to see signs of hope in the faint color on Beth 's cheeks . But she could not find enough to satisfy her , for the cheeks were very thin , and the hands seemed too feeble to hold even the rosy little shells they had been collecting . It came to her then more bitterly than ever that Beth was slowly drifting away from her , and her arms instinctively tightened their hold upon the dearest treasure she possessed . For a minute her eyes were too dim for seeing , and when they cleared , Beth was looking up at her so tenderly that there was hardly any need for her to say , `` Jo , dear , I 'm glad you know it . I 've tried to tell you , but I could n't . '' There was no answer except her sister 's cheek against her own , not even tears , for when most deeply moved , Jo did not cry . She was the weaker then , and Beth tried to comfort and sustain her , with her arms about her and the soothing words she whispered in her ear . `` I 've known it for a good while , dear , and now I 'm used to it , it is n't hard to think of or to bear . Try to see it so and do n't be troubled about me , because it 's best , indeed it is . '' `` Is this what made you so unhappy in the autumn , Beth ? You did not feel it then , and keep it to yourself so long , did you ? '' asked Jo , refusing to see or say that it was best , but glad to know that Laurie had no part in Beth 's trouble . `` Yes , I gave up hoping then , but I did n't like to own it . I tried to think it was a sick fancy , and would not let it trouble anyone . But when I saw you all so well and strong and full of happy plans , it was hard to feel that I could never be like you , and then I was miserable , Jo . '' `` Oh , Beth , and you did n't tell me , did n't let me comfort and help you ? How could you shut me out , bear it all alone ? '' Jo 's voice was full of tender reproach , and her heart ached to think of the solitary struggle that must have gone on while Beth learned to say goodbye to health , love , and life , and take up her cross so cheerfully . `` Perhaps it was wrong , but I tried to do right . I was n't sure , no one said anything , and I hoped I was mistaken .
It would have been selfish to frighten you all when Marmee was so anxious about Meg , and Amy away , and you so happy with XXXXX -- at least I thought so then . ''
Beth Jo Laurie autumn book fancy hold minute right shells