Her stealthy paws tread the very hall Where Snowball used to play , But she only spits at the dogs our pet So gallantly drove away . She is useful and mild , and does her best , But she is not fair to see , And we can not give her your place dear , Nor worship her as we worship thee . A.S. _________ ADVERTISEMENTS MISS ORANTHY BLUGGAGE , the accomplished strong-minded lecturer , will deliver her famous lecture on `` WOMAN AND HER POSITION '' at Pickwick Hall , next Saturday Evening , after the usual performances . A WEEKLY MEETING will be held at Kitchen Place , to teach young ladies how to cook . Hannah Brown will preside , and all are invited to attend . The DUSTPAN SOCIETY will meet on Wednesday next , and parade in the upper story of the Club House . All members to appear in uniform and shoulder their brooms at nine precisely . Mrs. BETH BOUNCER will open her new assortment of Doll 's Millinery next week . The latest Paris fashions have arrived , and orders are respectfully solicited . A NEW PLAY will appear at the Barnville Theatre , in the course of a few weeks , which will surpass anything ever seen on the American stage . `` The Greek Slave , or Constantine the Avenger , '' is the name of this thrilling drama !!! HINTS If S.P. did n't use so much soap on his hands , he would n't always be late at breakfast . A.S. is requested not to whistle in the street . T.T. please do n't forget Amy 's napkin . N.W. must not fret because his dress has not nine tucks . WEEKLY REPORT Meg -- Good . Jo -- Bad . Beth -- Very Good . Amy -- Middling . _________________________________________________ As the President finished reading the paper -LRB- which I beg leave to assure my readers is a bona fide copy of one written by bona fide girls once upon a time -RRB- , a round of applause followed , and then Mr. Snodgrass rose to make a proposition .
`` Mr. XXXXX and gentlemen , '' he began , assuming a parliamentary attitude and tone , `` I wish to propose the admission of a new member -- one who highly deserves the honor , would be deeply grateful for it , and would add immensely to the spirit of the club , the literary value of the paper , and be no end jolly and nice .
A.S. American BLUGGAGE Beth House President Slave Snodgrass Theatre weeks