Oh , she was beautiful ... I had never seen anyone so beautiful . And Sidney was standing beside her , talking to her , with a smile on his face , but none in his eyes ... I noticed that at a glance . She was so tall and slender and willowy . Her dress was wonderful , and her bare throat and shoulders were like pearls . Her hair was pale , pale gold , and her eyes long-lashed and sweet , and her mouth like a scarlet blossom against her creamy face . I thought of how I must look beside her ... an awkward little girl in a short skirt with my hair in a braid and too many hands and feet , and I would have given anything then to be tall and grown-up and graceful . I watched her all the evening and the queer feeling in me somewhere grew worse and worse . I could n't eat anything . Sidney took Mrs. Rennie in ; they sat opposite to me and talked all the time . I was so glad when the dinner was over and everybody gone . The first thing I did when I escaped to my room was to go to the glass and look myself over just as critically and carefully as if I were somebody else . I saw a great rope of dark brown hair ... a brown skin with red cheeks ... a big red mouth ... a pair of grey eyes . That was all . And when I thought of that shimmering witch woman with her white skin and shining hair I wanted to put out the light and cry in the dark . Only I 've never cried since I was a child and broke my last doll , and I 've got so out of the habit that I do n't know how to go about it . * * * * * April Fifth . Aunt Jemima would not think I was getting the good out of my diary . A whole month and not a word ! But there was nothing to write , and I 've felt too miserable to write if there had been . I do n't know what is the matter with me .
I 'm just cross and horrid to everyone , even to poor XXXXX .
Jemima Rennie Sidney braid evening first glance gold hair month