The one feeling swayed me one moment ; the other feeling the next . When I got home that night I cried for shame of what you must think of me . But it 's always been just the same when I came over here . Sometimes I 'd be happy and enjoy my visit . And at other times that hideous feeling would mar it all . There were times when everything about you and your house hurt me . You had so many dear little things I could n't have . Do you know -- it 's ridiculous -- but I had an especial spite at those china dogs of yours . There were times when I wanted to catch up Gog and Magog and bang their pert black noses together ! Oh , you smile , Anne -- but it was never funny to me . I would come here and see you and Gilbert with your books and your flowers , and your household gods , and your little family jokes -- and your love for each other showing in every look and word , even when you did n't know it -- and I would go home to -- you know what I went home to ! Oh , Anne , I do n't believe I 'm jealous and envious by nature . When I was a girl I lacked many things my schoolmates had , but I never cared -- I never disliked them for it . But I seem to have grown so hateful -- '' `` Leslie , dearest , stop blaming yourself . You are NOT hateful or jealous or envious . The life you have to live has warped you a little , perhaps-but it would have ruined a nature less fine and noble than yours . I 'm letting you tell me all this because I believe it 's better for you to talk it out and rid your soul of it . But do n't blame yourself any more . '' `` Well , I wo n't . I just wanted you to know me as I am .
That time you told me of your darling hope for the spring was the worst of all , XXXXX .
Anne Gilbert Gog Leslie house life nature night schoolmates visit