S. PICKWICK Why is the P. C. like the Tower of Babel ? It is full of unruly members . _________ THE HISTORY OF A SQUASH Once upon a time a farmer planted a little seed in his garden , and after a while it sprouted and became a vine and bore many squashes . One day in October , when they were ripe , he picked one and took it to market . A gorcerman bought and put it in his shop . That same morning , a little girl in a brown hat and blue dress , with a round face and snub nose , went and bought it for her mother . She lugged it home , cut it up , and boiled it in the big pot , mashed some of it with salt and butter , for dinner . And to the rest she added a pint of milk , two eggs , four spoons of sugar , nutmeg , and some crackers , put it in a deep dish , and baked it till it was brown and nice , and next day it was eaten by a family named March . T. TUPMAN _________ Mr. Pickwick , Sir : -- I address you upon the subject of sin the sinner I mean is a man named Winkle who makes trouble in his club by laughing and sometimes wo n't write his piece in this fine paper I hope you will pardon his badness and let him send a French fable because he ca n't write out of his head as he has so many lessons to do and no brains in future I will try to take time by the fetlock and prepare some work which will be all commy la fo that means all right I am in haste as it is nearly school time . Yours respectably , N. WINKLE -LSB- The above is a manly and handsome acknowledgment of past misdemeanors . If our young friend studied punctuation , it would be well . -RSB- _________ A SAD ACCIDENT On Friday last , we were startled by a violent shock in our basement , followed by cries of distress . On rushing in a body to the cellar , we discovered our beloved President prostrate upon the floor , having tripped and fallen while getting wood for domestic purposes . A perfect scene of ruin met our eyes , for in his fall Mr. Pickwick had plunged his head and shoulders into a tub of water , upset a keg of soft soap upon his manly form , and torn his garments badly . On being removed from this perilous situation , it was discovered that he had suffered no injury but several bruises , and we are happy to add , is now doing well . ED . _________ THE PUBLIC BEREAVEMENT It is our painful duty to record the sudden and mysterious disappearance of our cherished friend , Mrs. Snowball Pat Paw . This lovely and beloved cat was the pet of a large circle of warm and admiring friends ; for her beauty attracted all eyes , her graces and virtues endeared her to all hearts , and her loss is deeply felt by the whole community . When last seen , she was sitting at the gate , watching the butcher 's cart , and it is feared that some villain , tempted by her charms , basely stole her . Weeks have passed , but no trace of her has been discovered , and we relinquish all hope , tie a black ribbon to her basket , set aside her dish , and weep for her as one lost to us forever .
XXXXX A sympathizing friend sends the following gem : A LAMENT -LRB- FOR S. B. PAT PAW -RRB- We mourn the loss of our little pet , And sigh o'er her hapless fate , For never more by the fire she 'll sit , Nor play by the old green gate .
Babel Paw Pickwick TUPMAN WINKLE Why _________ gorcerman morning squashes