`` What , marry her ? '' `` Aye , that I will . '' `` Oh Paul , will you tie yourself for life to a -- '' The word died on her lips , but a gesture of repugnance finished the speech . `` A what ? '' he demanded , excitedly . `` An innocent , one bereft of reason , '' stammered Lillian , entirely forgetting herself in her interest for him . `` Of whom do you speak ? '' asked Paul , looking utterly bewildered , `` Of poor Helen . '' `` Good heavens , who told you that base lie ? '' And his voice deepened with indignant pain . `` I saw her , you did not deny her affliction ; Hester said so , and I believed it . Have I wronged her , Paul ? '' `` Yes , cruelly . She is blind , but no idiot , thank God . '' There was such earnestness in his voice , such reproach in his words , and such ardor in his eye , that Lillian 's pride gave way , and with a broken entreaty for pardon , she covered up her face , weeping the bitterest tears she ever shed . For in that moment , and the sharp pang it brought her , she felt how much she loved Paul and how hard it was to lose him . The childish affection had blossomed into a woman 's passion , and in a few short weeks had passed through many phases of jealousy , hope , despair , and self-delusion . The joy she felt on seeing him again , the pride she took in him , the disgust Helen caused her , the relief she had not dared to own even to herself , when she fancied fate had put an insurmountable barrier between Paul and his cousin , the despair at finding it only a fancy , and the anguish of hearing him declare his unshaken purpose to marry his first love -- all these conflicting emotions had led to this hard moment , and now self-control deserted her in her need . In spite of her efforts the passionate tears would have their way , though Paul soothed her with assurances of entire forgiveness , promises of Helen 's friendship , and every gentle device he could imagine . She commanded herself at last by a strong effort , murmuring eagerly as she shrank from the hand that put back her fallen hair , and the face so full of tender sympathy bending over her : `` I am so grieved and ashamed at what I have said and done .
I shall never dare to see XXXXX .
Helen Hester Lillian Paul entreaty first love pang promises weeks