And yet in another way I wanted to go over . I felt that , if I were not so miserable , I could have liked you and found in you what I 've never had in my life -- an intimate , REAL friend of my own age . And then you remember that night at the shore ? You were afraid I would think you crazy . You must have thought I was . '' `` No , but I could n't understand you , Leslie . One moment you drew me to you -- the next you pushed me back . '' `` I was very unhappy that evening . I had had a hard day . Dick had been very -- very hard to manage that day . Generally he is quite good-natured and easily controlled , you know , Anne . But some days he is very different . I was so heartsick -- I ran away to the shore as soon as he went to sleep . It was my only refuge . I sat there thinking of how my poor father had ended his life , and wondering if I would n't be driven to it some day . Oh , my heart was full of black thoughts ! And then you came dancing along the cove like a glad , light-hearted child . I -- I hated you more then than I 've ever done since . And yet I craved your friendship . The one feeling swayed me one moment ; the other feeling the next .
When I got home that XXXXX I cried for shame of what you must think of me .
Anne Dick Leslie day days evening heart night refuge way