`` She was kind , but not in the right way , and it 's lucky for her she did n't love me , if I 'm the good-for-nothing fellow you think me . It 's her fault though , and you may tell her so . '' The hard , bitter look came back again as he said that , and it troubled Amy , for she did not know what balm to apply . `` I was wrong , I did n't know . I 'm very sorry I was so cross , but I ca n't help wishing you 'd bear it better , Teddy , dear . '' `` Do n't , that 's her name for me ! '' and Laurie put up his hand with a quick gesture to stop the words spoken in Jo 's half-kind , half-reproachful tone . `` Wait till you 've tried it yourself , '' he added in a low voice , as he pulled up the grass by the handful . `` I 'd take it manfully , and be respected if I could n't be loved , '' said Amy , with the decision of one who knew nothing about it . Now , Laurie flattered himself that he had borne it remarkably well , making no moan , asking no sympathy , and taking his trouble away to live it down alone . Amy 's lecture put the matter in a new light , and for the first time it did look weak and selfish to lose heart at the first failure , and shut himself up in moody indifference . He felt as if suddenly shaken out of a pensive dream and found it impossible to go to sleep again . Presently he sat up and asked slowly , `` Do you think Jo would despise me as you do ? '' `` Yes , if she saw you now . She hates lazy people . Why do n't you do something splendid , and make her love you ? '' `` I did my best , but it was no use . '' `` Graduating well , you mean ? That was no more than you ought to have done , for your grandfather 's sake . It would have been shameful to fail after spending so much time and money , when everyone knew that you could do well . ''
`` I did fail , say what you will , for Jo would n't love me , '' began XXXXX , leaning his head on his hand in a despondent attitude .
Amy Jo Laurie balm fellow first half-kind love right something