Attention was drawn to the firm mouth , the piercing eye , the awe-inspiring brow , of the strong-minded woman of antiquity , and some scathing remarks made upon the degeneracy of her modern sisters who failed to do their duty . Mercury came next , and was very fine in his airy attitude , though the winged legs quivered as if it was difficult to keep the lively god in his place . His restless nature was dilated upon , his mischievous freaks alluded to , and a very bad character given to the immortal messenger-boy ; which delighted his friends and caused the marble nose of the victim to curl visibly with scorn when derisive applause greeted a particularly hard hit . A charming little Hebe stood next , pouring nectar from a silver teapot into a blue china tea-cup . She also pointed a moral ; for the Professor explained that the nectar of old was the beverage which cheers but does not inebriate , and regretted that the excessive devotion of American women to this classic brew proved so harmful , owing to the great development of brain their culture produced . A touch at modern servants , in contrast to this accomplished table-girl , made the statue 's cheeks glow under the chalk , and brought her a hearty round as the audience recognized Dolly and the smart soubrette . Jove in all his majesty followed , as he and his wife occupied the central pedestals in the half-circle of immortals . A splendid Jupiter , with hair well set up off the fine brow , ambrosial beard , silver thunderbolts in one hand , and a well-worn ferule in the other . A large stuffed eagle from the museum stood at his feet ; and the benign expression of his august countenance showed that he was in a good humour -- as well he might be , for he was paid some handsome compliments upon his wise rule , the peaceful state of his kingdom , and the brood of all-accomplished Pallases that yearly issued from his mighty brain . Cheers greeted this and other pleasant words , and caused the thunderer to bow his thanks ; for ` Jove nods ' , as everyone knows , and flattery wins the heart of gods and men . Mrs Juno , with her peacocks , darning-needle , pen , and cooking-spoon , did not get off so easily ; for the Professor was down on her with all manner of mirth-provoking accusations , criticisms , and insults even . He alluded to her domestic infelicity , her meddlesome disposition , sharp tongue , bad temper , and jealousy , closing , however , with a tribute to her skill in caring for the wounds and settling the quarrels of belligerent heroes , as well as her love for youths in Olympus and on earth . Gales of laughter greeted these hits , varied by hisses from some indignant boys , who would not bear , even in joke , any disrespect to dear Mother Bhaer , who , however , enjoyed it all immensely , as the twinkle in her eye and the irrepressible pucker of her lips betrayed . A jolly Bacchus astride of his cask took Vulcan 's place , and appeared to be very comfortable with a beer-mug in one hand , a champagne bottle in the other , and a garland of grapes on his curly head . He was the text of a short temperance lecture , aimed directly at a row of smart young gentlemen who lined the walls of the auditorium . George Cole was seen to dodge behind a pillar at one point , Dolly nudged his neighbour at another , and there was laughter all along the line as the Professor glared at them through his big glasses , and dragged their bacchanalian orgies to the light and held them up to scorn . Seeing the execution he had done , the learned man turned to the lovely Diana , who stood as white and still as the plaster stag beside her , with sandals , bow , and crescent ; quite perfect , and altogether the best piece of statuary in the show . She was very tenderly treated by the paternal critic who , merely alluding to her confirmed spinsterhood , fondness for athletic sports , and oracular powers , gave a graceful little exposition of true art and passed on to the last figure . This was Apollo in full fig , his curls skilfully arranged to hide a well-whitened patch over the eye , his handsome legs correctly poised , and his gifted fingers about to draw divine music from the silvered gridiron which was his lyre . His divine attributes were described , as well as his little follies and failings , among which were his weakness for photography and flute-playing , his attempts to run a newspaper , and his fondness for the society of the Muses ; which latter slap produced giggles and blushes among the girl-graduates , and much mirth among the stricken youths ; for misery loves company , and after this they began to rally .
Then , with a ridiculous conclusion , the XXXXX bowed his thanks ; and after several recalls the curtain fell , but not quickly enough to conceal Mercury , wildly waving his liberated legs , Hebe dropping her teapot , Bacchus taking a lovely roll on his barrel , and Mrs Juno rapping the impertinent Owlsdark on the head with Jove 's ruler .
American Dolly Juno Professor Vulcan degeneracy ferule immortals neighbour tea-cup