Oh , you 'll agree with me now that I AM a hateful beast -- to hate another woman just because she was happy , -- and when her happiness did n't take anything from me ! That was why I never went to see you . I knew quite well I ought to go -- even our simple Four Winds customs demanded that . But I could n't . I used to watch you from my window -- I could see you and your husband strolling about your garden in the evening -- or you running down the poplar lane to meet him . And it hurt me . And yet in another way I wanted to go over . I felt that , if I were not so miserable , I could have liked you and found in you what I 've never had in my life -- an intimate , REAL friend of my own age . And then you remember that night at the shore ? You were afraid I would think you crazy . You must have thought I was . '' `` No , but I could n't understand you , Leslie . One moment you drew me to you -- the next you pushed me back . '' `` I was very unhappy that evening . I had had a hard day . Dick had been very -- very hard to manage that day . Generally he is quite good-natured and easily controlled , you know , Anne . But some days he is very different . I was so heartsick -- I ran away to the shore as soon as he went to sleep . It was my only refuge .
I sat there thinking of how my poor father had ended his life , and wondering if I would n't be driven to it some XXXXX .
Anne Dick Leslie Winds age day days evening night refuge