Going home at length , he found a third surprise awaiting him in the shower of bills which had descended upon him like a snowstorm , burying him in an avalanche of remorse , despair , and self-disgust . These bills were so many and so large that he was startled and dismayed ; for , as Mr Bhaer wisely predicted , he knew little about the value of money . It would take every dollar at the bankers to pay them all at once , and leave him penniless for the next six months , unless he wrote home for more . He would rather starve than do that ; and his first impulse was to seek help at the gaming-table , whither his new friends had often tempted him . But he had promised Mr Bhaer to resist what then had seemed an impossible temptation ; and now he would not add another fault to the list already so long . Borrow he would not , nor beg . What could he do ? For these appalling bills must be paid , and the lessons go on ; or his journey was an ignominious failure . But he must live meantime . And how ? Bowed down with remorse for the folly of these months , he saw too late whither he was drifting , and for hours paced up and down his pretty rooms , floundering in a Slough of Despond , with no helping hand to pull him out -- at least he thought so till letters were brought in , and among fresh bills lay one well-worn envelope with an American stamp in the corner . Ah , how welcome it was ! how eagerly he read the long pages full of affectionate wishes from all at home ! For everyone had sent a line , and as each familiar name appeared , his eyes grew dimmer and dimmer till , as he read the last -- ` God bless my boy ! Mother Bhaer ' -- he broke down ; and laying his head on his arms , blistered the paper with a rain of tears that eased his heart and washed away the boyish sins that now lay so heavy on his conscience . ` Dear people , how they love and trust me ! And how bitterly they would be disappointed if they knew what a fool I 've been ! I 'll fiddle in the streets again before I 'll ask for help from them ! ' cried Nat , brushing away the tears of which he was ashamed , although he felt the good they had done . Now he seemed to see more clearly what to do ; for the helping hand had been stretched across the sea , and Love , the dear Evangelist , had lifted him out of the slough and shown him the narrow gate , beyond which deliverance lay .
When the letter had been reread , and one corner where a daisy was painted , passionately kissed , XXXXX felt strong enough to face the worst and conquer it .
American Bhaer Despond Evangelist Nat first hours self-disgust third whither