Mother Bhaer ' -- he broke down ; and laying his head on his arms , blistered the paper with a rain of tears that eased his heart and washed away the boyish sins that now lay so heavy on his conscience . ` Dear people , how they love and trust me ! And how bitterly they would be disappointed if they knew what a fool I 've been ! I 'll fiddle in the streets again before I 'll ask for help from them ! ' cried Nat , brushing away the tears of which he was ashamed , although he felt the good they had done . Now he seemed to see more clearly what to do ; for the helping hand had been stretched across the sea , and Love , the dear Evangelist , had lifted him out of the slough and shown him the narrow gate , beyond which deliverance lay . When the letter had been reread , and one corner where a daisy was painted , passionately kissed , Nat felt strong enough to face the worst and conquer it . Every bill should be paid , every salable thing of his own sold , these costly rooms given up ; and once back with thrifty Frau Tetzel , he would find work of some sort by which to support himself , as many another student did . He must give up the new friends , turn his back on the gay life , cease to be a butterfly , and take his place among the grubs . It was the only honest thing to do , but very hard for the poor fellow to crush his little vanities , renounce the delights so dear to the young , own his folly , and step down from his pedestal to be pitied , laughed at , and forgotten . It took all Nat 's pride and courage to do this , for his was a sensitive nature ; esteem was very precious to him , failure very bitter , and nothing but the inborn contempt for meanness and deceit kept him from asking help or trying to hide his need by some dishonest device . As he sat alone that night , Mr Bhaer 's words came back to him with curious clearness , and he saw himself a boy again at Plumfield , punishing his teacher as a lesson to himself , when timidity had made him lie . ` He shall not suffer for me again , and I wo n't be a sneak if I am a fool . I 'll go and tell Professor Baumgarten all about it and ask his advice . I 'd rather face a loaded cannon ; but it must be done . Then I 'll sell out , pay my debts , and go back where I belong . Better be an honest pauper than a jackdaw among peacocks ' ; and Nat smiled in the midst of his trouble , as he looked about him at the little elegancies of his room , remembering what he came from . He kept his word manfully , and was much comforted to find that his experience was an old story to the professor , who approved his plan , thinking wisely that the discipline would be good for him , and was very kind in offering help and promising to keep the secret of his folly from his friend Bhaer till Nat had redeemed himself . The first week of the new year was spent by our prodigal in carrying out his plan with penitent dispatch , and his birthday found him alone in the little room high up at Frau Tetzel 's , with nothing of his former splendour , but sundry unsalable keepsakes from the buxom maidens , who mourned his absence deeply . His male friends had ridiculed , pitied , and soon left him alone , with one or two exceptions , who offered their purses generously and promised to stand by him .
He was lonely and heavy-hearted , and sat brooding over his small fire as he remembered the last New Year 's Day at XXXXX , when at this hour he was dancing with his Daisy .
Baumgarten Bhaer Evangelist Nat Plumfield Tetzel daisy elegancies keepsakes left