It was much to have something to love and be permitted to love it . If I had been a beautiful and spirited girl I think Father might have loved me , but I was neither . At first I did not think or care about my lack of beauty ; then one day I was alone in the beech wood ; I was trying to disentangle my skirt which had caught on some thorny underbrush . A young man came around the curve of the path and , seeing my predicament , bent with murmured apology to help me . He had to kneel to do it , and I saw a ray of sunshine falling through the beeches above us strike like a lance of light athwart the thick brown hair that pushed out from under his cap . Before I thought I put out my hand and touched it softly , then I blushed crimson with shame over what I had done . But he did not know -- he never knew . When he had released my dress he rose and our eyes met for a moment as I timidly thanked him . I saw that he was good to look upon -- tall and straight , with broad , stalwart shoulders and a dark , clean-cut face . He had a firm , sensitive mouth and kindly , pleasant , dark blue eyes . I never quite forgot the look in those eyes . It made my heart beat strangely , but it was only for a moment , and the next he had lifted his cap and passed on . As I went homeward I wondered who he might be . He must be a stranger , I thought -- probably a visitor in some of our few neighbouring families . I wondered too if I should meet him again , and found the thought very pleasant . I knew few men and they were all old , like Father , or at least elderly . They were the only people who ever came to our house , and they either teased me or overlooked me . None of them was at all like this young man I had met in the beech wood , nor ever could have been , I thought . When I reached home I stopped before the big mirror that hung in the hall and did what I had never done before in my life -- looked at myself very scrutinizingly and wondered if I had any beauty . I could only sorrowfully conclude that I had not -- I was so slight and pale , and the thick black hair and dark eyes that might have been pretty in another woman seemed only to accentuate the lack of spirit and regularity in my features .
I was still standing there , gazing wistfully at my mirrored face with a strange sinking of spirit , when XXXXX came through the hall , his riding whip in his hand .
Father athwart beeches day first hair heart home shoulders something