first time i ever set eyes on you it was love at first sight you was so young your mom told me that she got a son and you were the love of her life as time went on me and you bonded i fathered you i was so proud to be a dad we were so broke i promised you that one day i would get rid of the problems we had i hope you accept my apology all the fights and the drunk nights that you saw in the past you never chose sides we were so sad but when it came to happiness you re all we really had you re an angel so happy go lucky such a good soul words can t express you had a gift of making people fall in love with you you affected every single person you met and we ain t have much we spoiled you to death anything you wanted you can have i still laugh think about the holiday when you snuck and ate a whole cheesecake we ain t even get mad that s your favorite we was so stressed out we were about to lose the house that we stayed in i was trying to be a rapper we could ve moved in my parents basement but couldn t bring you really you re the one that made me quit trying to rap so i went and got a job so that we could get a house i d do anything for you you me and your mom moved with your grandma it was us three stuck in a little room finally had a place to play outside i would love to see you run like a dream coming true i was riding in my car to some tracks one day played this beat started thinking of you and now i m looking in my rear view wishing i was near you it s quiet here without ya and i ve been thinking about ya feeling of nostalgia i hated my job i loved coming home i would lay in bed with you for hours on end me and your mom were obsessed with you cause you were momma s baby boy and daddy s best friend but daddy ain t been home a lot lately to play with i tried to set you down and explain that i got a new job that i wanted all my life and that everything might possibly change that i ma have to go out of town for some months but when i m home i ma be around every day and when i m gone i ma need you to look out for your mom keep her company while daddy s away your momma sends pics of you and her in bed i would feel bad thinking that you thought i left but i was saving bread so we could finally have our own place live a life that we should ve always had and i did that now you re spoiled even more cause instead of being cramped now you got your own room your mom quit her job and you and her could chill every day for the most part i d be home too and life is looking bright used to see it so blue we finally were content had a daily routine i made a bunch of songs with your name in them i would come into your room hugging you and i would sing you were always treated like a king cause you were everything that mattered to us and i would hate to see your cute face crying cause you knew that i was leaving for a tour always hated when i go and grab that red suitcase out the closet you d look at me and say you promise you stayed by your mom when i m gone i ll be back in a couple of months give me kisses i ll be missing you a ton homesick every time i m  looking in my rear view wishing i was near you it s quiet here without ya and i ve been thinking about ya feeling of nostalgia you grew up so fast but you always had a baby face so it s hard for me to tell you were sick on and off we were just rough housing on the bed good to see you getting well i had to go to omaha for a show but your mom called me up and told me that you slipped and fell but you were limping we figured that you twisted something and had to give it time to tell i got home and you were breathing funny and your hip was big as hell your momma said that she began to see it swell this morning this isn t normal we took him to the doctor we thought he might of broke his hip bone and it would heal it s crazy how life change in an instant the doctor walked in with his x rays said he thought he broke his hip but he didn t he got bad news and there ain t no way to fix it what is it he said the x rays showed bone cancer was spreading through his legs in a crazy position the amputation the chemo wasn t a option he probably ain t gon make it to christmas i blacked out cause christmas is like three weeks away when i left he was okay now your telling me he s gonna die he said he s strong so he s gonna fight eventually you re gonna have to put him down whenever y all decide please god not a dog we re in shock not our son he s the only thing we got we was done it d be different if we knew that he was suffering for months but he s limping how the fuck is it that nothing can be done tried to comfort him as much as we could drug his mattress down the stairs to the center of the living room me and his mom laid with him every night petting him while he was crying you could tell the pain was getting to him and me and her in disbelief all we did was cry all we did was scream struggling to try we d take him outside but he could barely walk and every day it seems it s spreading even more the medicine we fed him isn t doing anything and we just can t accept it that our boy the most important thing is dying right in front of us like how much do we let him suffer til we go and make the choice we were laying on the floor almost twenty days he ain t eating anymore he can t move his legs it s december 21st i think it s time for us to let him go so we can send him to a better place it s been several weeks me and your mom still grieving feeling like we in denial i go in your bedroom every day smell the air start to cry for a while then i smile thinking bout ya looking in my rear view wishing i was near you we re crying here without ya we re dying here without ya feeling of nostalgia