i know i ll alphabetize cd s scrub the grout in the bathroom tile anything to take some control make order out of chaos for a tiny little while i ll smile a satisfied smile lord of all i survey not a speck of dust not a painting off plumb not a cloud in the sky today tight rein on that tongue boy white knuckle grip on the slip of a thought everything is perfectly fine finally perfect blinding white sheets with hospital corners immovably taut and peace of mind that i ve bought in my usual way not a speck of doubt not a smile off plumb not a cloud in the sky today there s a dam that i saw in a movie once and the dam had a tiny little crack and the crack became a bigger crack til the dam couldn t hold the water back when the flooding stopped not a soul in the fairy tale village below had been spared well i ve got plenty of spackle no damn crack ll catch me unprepared no sir i m not scared just iron that wrinkled tie smooth out that furrowed brow something s awry outside but there s no need to pry into that right now i simply won t allow any fear or despair believe it doesn t hurt believe it helps to pray believe i just don t care believe it s actually a blessing to be this self aware believe hope s not a lie and things that need to be have been addressed believe there is no true goodbye and since this shirt is so impeccably pressed you re not really about to die okay look if i don t deny i ll cry and cry and cry and cry til all the walls are washed away no i could not tolerate such disarray so not a crack in this dam not a tear in this eye not a single fucking cloud in the sky today