i m gonna lie on my back and you put your fingers down my mouth right no no do it right like aaugh uuuugh i m gonna do a jimi hendrix eeuuughh i m gonna be sick in my sleep euuugh aaauugh ugh i tries to do it proper but kept comin up a cropper i needs some hype i think i ll ram raid happy shopper haven t got a car so i use a space hopper bounce into the window cut my head show stopper i want a hundred fans 200 teeny boppers i want police protection from 87 coppers i wanna go gold even better platinum if you wanna be a star you gotta kill yourself man it s the truth step back take a look around elvis is dead for being fat 500 pound kurt cobain s rich as fuck he s buried in the ground jimi hendrix and his amp still ain t makin no sound michael hutchence he s one of em too made a hundred million quid dying wanking on the loo s u i c i d e it might be messy but it s money for free suicide is painless or so it has been said i could ve killed myself but i d be better off dead so i took a deep breath put a gun against my head pulled the trigger click should ve been eating lead but i wasn t i was naked in john frost square mothers and pushchairs stopped and stared for this situation i was quite unprepared tried suicide to be famous but nobody cared committing suicide to enhance my career it worked for biggie and 2pac shakur jesus was nailed up to some wood 2000 years later and book sales are still good i heard in a song suicide is painless and it s 80 sure to make you famous wanking with a bag on yer head tied to a door that bloke from inxs he knew the score x 2 i gotta kill myself i gotta do s it quick john entwistle sly he was snorting arsenic i keep taking all this coke to make me die doin more drugs than they make in fuckin ici it s the best way to go don t think me dull i m not gonna fall off the roof like the flid rod hull we want people to sing all our songs and the nuns at saint joseph s rappin on smokin bongs we wanna be remembered when we re six feet under for hip hoppin not robbin s fuckin beatings or plunder at the moment i m not dead like david kampasey double platinum means you gotta be pushin up daisies dad s army s all dead every last one but the cunts are still going on bbc 1 yeah that s right i smoke draw from wales suicide s a good idea to improve vinyl sales  it s useless it s crap i ll never be in the sun how can i be a pop star when i can t buy a gun jimmy morrison overdosed in the bath i know i ll hang myself with my scarf tied to the stairs dangling by my neck the cord length i forgot to check stuck there for a week unable to shriek the landlord found me and he called me a freak he cut me down and started to laugh if you re dead next week gimme your autograph you know i thanked him returned to my room the new plan is to go out with a boom to the station with a petrol can five pound please i say to the man all set up and ready to burn the wheel on my lighter just won t turn suicide is a suicyclebbbl suicide is a suicyclebbbl suicide is a suicyclebbbl i wanna be famous after i die proven fact man if you re dead you sell more that drummer from def leppard his arm has made 30 times more than he has you know our elvis well he s dead famous now and he s dead and he s fa he s more famous now like he s dead like you know that s what it s all about like it s fuckin simple economics they reckon bob marley s dead but he s not man coz he was on the tv last night man just don t lie to me man i thought i was havin a go at an overdose but i don t think you can overdose on beechams flu plus i think one of the blokes off of dad s army is still alive i think he s bumming martin in eastenders innit i ll get the ropes and we ll tie them to the walls and we all jump off at the same time and break our necks and we ll make at least 13 quid and you knows we ll be famous like fuckin ghandi or like the bloke off that sex film we seen1