all i ever wanted was to know the truth seeking jesus at 16 meaning my middle youth man i really hungered and had this inner thirst absurd the thought of me even missin a day of church man it felt like heaven especially bible study i had my bible pen and pad sittin next to my buddies the word had us open especially certain verses spendin hours in worship man it just felt so perfect and then after the service out on the parking lot laughin and rappin for hours afterwards we talked a lot felt like your second family for me felt like my first we lost our ties when my grandmother died i kept in hurt remember certain ministers inspired you to learn you had anxiety inside and just waitin your turn people announce they callin jumpin and shoutin that dun dunt dun dunt it was so arousin give us the truth that s what we need lying leaders been deceivin us since we were seeds give us the truth that s what we need teachers and preachers teach us the things that set us free give us the truth that s what we need parents teach us bout jesus before we get older give us the truth that s what we need sin is spreading and the world is getting colder then that first year progressed and turned into five learning so much and i m comin in touch closer with god some things were gettin sticky i mean real sticky i m trippin i m wonderin was jesus even really with me man i felt numb meanin i lost my feelin people standin dancin liftin hands while i was chillin no longer loved the sermons felt like i wasn t learnin the topics taught on weren t touchin my inner yearnings and then some behavior seemed like counterfeit revival i looked for scriptures that supported this off in the bible yet i couldn t find it i felt blinded i thought it was a demon in error i tried to bind it but nothin happened here comes depression maybe when they threw the holy spirit that i didn t catch him did i miss my blessin felt unprotected in the midst of a war scarred without my weapon  then i left st louis on a tour with cross movement and who would have knew it these dudes have also been through it i shared my brokenness feelings of hopelessness for so long faked my emotions no one even noticed it yet it was obvious god in his providence put me with people to guide me and got me outta this and then my other brother t r u t h began to share the same i almost wept i saw the steps it took to bear the name without truth left me in utter confusion without truth left me with subtle delusions without truth no longer fought to win without truth drove me back into sin the depth of this journey can t be described in words this is just the tip of the iceberg but from now until my death this is what i ll do i m learning standing and i ll fight for truth 