i woke up this morning and realized there is no job that i d ever want to spend my whole life doing i ve been thinking as i age no gray only twenty three years old but already i ve become someone i once told myself i would never be not that being me is such a bad thing it just sucks to go from aw shucks to sho nuff then find out that rhyming as i know it isn t what it s all about i can t finish anything i start i break hearts and grow flowers on the window sill still i feel like there s nothing lifelike in these hands now i have to lie crying foul someone breathed too loud i get another try can i buy a vowel oh my god i m sick of sob stories everybody envies any life but their own nobody thinks to stop moping and get open spend some time alone i gotta read a book i need to wear more sweaters i m glad i cut my hair i m glad i stopped wearing underwear i m better off each day less sun shines through my curtain i m certain it shouldn t hurt to get up but it does i love the buzz i get forgetting every day i ve wasted i remember kissing but can t remember how kissing tasted i ve faced my fears with beers and got wasted so i suckle on the forty bottle my brain throttled it buckled under the weight of my slumber state i m way too involved to appreciate i m too evolved to deviate all alone in my room the booze i reek of i m asleep at the wheel with no windshield to speak of and it s just another rainy day can t see the rainbow there s too much gray gotta wash this sad face away on a cold muggy monday in a dark part of town i used my body as a host for those just floating around i heard the chant of the chiccadas and was haunted by the cadence of their stated sound verbatim i was vaporized like skies full of napalm calm raining down like an a bomb and here i am just trying to stay strong in the honey hopping flower pot to pot i pan block to block all i see is spots to shop and lots of cheap spots to sleep and flowerpots and coffee grinds empty mugs and lemon rinds i jitterbug but cut a better rug after a bitter mug of all black coffee softly i walk into the next room and think soon it will be me standing there awfully scared to commit but shit i don t want to lose or have to choose between using my music and being used to suit dudes and now i m feeling i can t do shit i struggle to remain sober rain jump over mud puddles i m passively subtle act all shy and can t raise my voice though i made my choice i so surprised at how this solemn vow i took to self to go for delf soured in my dour smile checked my style and with soiled shoes decided i would stay a while i parked my car but made to leave wanting to say what i wore on my sleeve wanting to stay but i couldn t breathe or read the signs or redefine reasoning even though i can t control my own breathing looking out my window clouds settle low and misty watching tracks of tears rolling down my cheek rather swiftly sitting on my bed waiting for the sun to lift me and it s just another rainy day can t see the rainbow there s too much gray gotta wash this sad face away