vi swallowing my words staring at the floor counting little cracks in the tile struggling to smile without choking learning to be silent ethel watching how the dust dances out the door noticing my hands start to shake contemplating taking up smoking learning to be silent vi ethel always hearing ethel hush ethel vi please vi vi ethel let s not have this conversation ethel and so i stand by while my mind takes a small vacation vi ethel la la la la la la la la vi making little sounds other folks ignore ethel quieting the beat of my heart never being part of the moment vi ethel learning to be silent vi learning there are some topics that we don t even mention ethel and if they come up then we try to be vague vi there are subjects from which we divert all attention ethel and some we avoid like the plague vi ethel i m becoming a mime vi biting my tongue ethel biding my time vi trying not to scream ethel managed it before vi ethel knowing if i m going to survive then dammit ethel i ve got to practice vi practice vi ethel learning hmm hmm hmm