i m one of a long line of good girls who choose the wrong guy to be sweet on the girl with a face that says welcome that men can wipe their feet on i m there when he calls me the trusted girl friday alright but what good does it do me alone on a saturday night if you need a gal to go without salary and work too hard you can always count on me the kind of a pal who d sneak you a file past the prison guard loyal to the nth degree the boss is quite the ladies man and that s my biggest gripe til i showed up he d never hired a girl cause she could type i m no femme fatale but faithful and true as a saint bernard barking up the wrong damn tree you can always count on me i don t need a map i naturally head for the dead end street you can always count on me i m caught in a trap when joy is approaching and i retreat i m at home with misery i ve been the other woman since my puberty began i crashed the junior prom and met the only married man i m always on tap for romance or chocolate that s bittersweet you can always count on me a matter of fact if you want an ill fated love affair you can always count on me though i made a pact to carry out research before i care men don t give a warranty one joe who swore she s single got me sorta crocked the beast i woke up only shocked that i d defrocked a priest or else i attract the guys that are longing to do my hair you can always count on me i go for the riff raff who s treating me so so when i can play the second fiddle i m a virtuoso i should be playing for a wedding band but there re no wedding rings attached though you can bet there s strings attached  though my kind of dame no doubt will die out like the dinosaurs you can always count on me i m solely to blame my head gives advice that my heart ignores i m my only enemy i choose the kind who cannot introduce the girl he s with there s lots of smirky motoclerks who call me mrs smith but i made a name with hotel detectives who break down doors guess who they expect to see you can always count on bet a large amount on you can always count on me