hey what are you doing for the next like thirteen hours don t do anything healthy don t be productive give in to your desire research me obsessively uh huh find out everything you can about me you know you want to dig for me relentlessly uh huh using every available search tool and all forms of social media yes you know you want to look at my instagram but it s private so google me until you find out where i went to high school and then set up a fake instagram account using the name and the photo of someone that went to my high school and hope that i remember that person a little bit ah no then request access to my private instagram from the fake account and in the meantime scour my work instagram account cause that one s public research me obsessively uh huh find an actual picture of my parents house on google maps you know you want to hunt for me tirelessly uh huh it s not stalking cause the information is all technically public  that s true that s true very true check out every guy i used to date and deduce who broke up with who based on the hesitation in our smiles so many unanswered questions did i go to the university of texas am i an emt is that my obituary in which i m survived by my loving husband eddie of fifty years children susan and matthew and grandchild stephanie wait no that s just all people with my same name oh or is it pay only 9 99 on a background check website to know for sure i ll do it yeah duh so don t stop just research me obsessively uh huh and in lieu of flowers donate to other me s favorite charity aw research me just research me and research me and research me oops it s three days later