spoken hey little guy why so blue well blank paper im trying to write a musical in two and a half weeks and im a little stuck well mother fucker why dont i give you a crash course on how to go from a piece of blank paper to a full tilt boogie original musical huh wow an original musical thats right cracker now there arent many of us around and its a long journey so let s get started did you just call me a cracker are you being black mother fucker i can be anything you want me to be thats the point oh so youre saying that i want you to be black shut your face i m an original musical original musical those other shows can step to the rear if you lend me your ear im gonna ease all your fear and tell you all you need is whats right up here  i cant decide if youre trying to be ben vereen or shh conk shh conk shh conk randy newman pah pah pa shut up you see a lot of times musicals are based on books like the scarlet pimpernel or lestat and other times theyre based on plays like picnic which became hot september but more recently musicals have been based on movies like my favorite year footloose dirty rotten scoundrels big saturday night fever the wedding singer the full monty the producers thoroughly modern millie hairspray beauty and the beast billy elliot spamalot wow so movies make good musicals well they make musicals huh well im trying to write a musical about two guys writing a musical about two guys writing a musical ooo that sounds like some crazy shit bitch but its original and i like that sing with me okay i m an original musical original musical like kwamina and starlight express my show could be a success and not a big mess like chess and ill make broadway my eternal address oh easy mother fucker broadway lets start with off or off off and then you can think about the great white way but why cant i dream big well if it was a jukebox musical a revival or a recognizable commodity id say dream away beeoch but original on broadway baby that is risky unless you got some stars in mind well wed love to have alice ripley shes fierce hey thats the first time ive ever said the word fierce thats the second player i mean tv stars pop stars movie stars like tony braxton and jenna elfman but i want our show to be good you want your ass to make some money but i believe that a good product with talented people is the way to go hiring some talent free celebrity just lowers the bar and i think audiences deserve better wee waw wee waw waw waaaww shit audiences want to see paris hilton in the apple tree who wants to see paris hilton in the apple tree i dont know a lot of people fuck your ass is crazy mother fucker but i fucking like you and you may just be fucking crazy enough to fucking fuckity fuck fuck succeed fucking fucking mother fucker ow o ow whats with all the foul language is that appropriate or even necessary im blank paper your blank paper make me say something else ill say whatever you want me to just put your pen to the paper and write okay i will i will ill write now were talking write that original musical original musical original in every way ooo it wont be based on a play or a movie i pray that jesus christ will help you get to broadway and you can thank him in you bio someday wow people thank jesus in their bio people thank their agents their casts and jesus christ even though they might be mormon and gay so some mormons are gay sure didnt you ever see the national tour of 1776 oh yeah aha ha 