well i was feeling sad and feeling blue i didnt know what in the world i wus gonna do them communists they was coming around they was in the air they was on the ground they wouldnt give me no peace so i run down most hurriedly and joined up with the john birch society i got me a secret membership card and started off a walking down the road yee hoo im a real john bircher now look out you commies now we all agree with hitlers views although he killed six million jews it dont matter too much that he was a fascist at least you cant say he was a communist thats to say like if you got a cold you take a shot of malaria well i woos looking everywhere for them gol darned reds i got up in the morning and looked under my bed looked in the sink behind the door looked in the glove compartment of my car couldnt find them  i woos looking high and low for them reds everywhere i woos looking in the sink and underneath the chair i looked way up my chimney hole i even looked deep down inside my toilet bowl they got away well i woos sitting home alone and started to sweat figured they woos in my t v set peeked behind the picture frame got a shock from my feet hitting right up in the brain them reds caused it i know they did them hard core ones well i quit my job so i could work all alone then i changed my name to sherlock holmes followed some clues from my detective bag and discovered they woos red stripes on the american flag that old betsy ross well i investigated all the books in the library ninety percent of them gotta be burned away i investigated all the people that i know ninety eight percent of them gotta go the other two percent are fellow birchers just like me now eisenhower hes a russian spy lincoln jefferson and that roosevelt guy to my knowledge theres just one man thats really a true american george lincoln rockwell i know for a fact he hates commies because he picketed the movie exodus well i finally started thinking straight when i run out of things to investigate couldnt imagine doing anything else so now im sitting home investigating myself hope i dont find out anything hmm great god 1