i thought i d be happy in heaven i thought it would be swell i thought i d be happy in heaven in fact i m as unhappy as hell the harps they all bore me st peter s jokes are a farce the angels look down their noses because i m from a different class st mathews discovered religion he converts people every day whenever he gets near me i tell him to go away st christopher i ve been rude to him i told him what he could do with his staff i told him where he could stick it and he didn t laugh only old mary is good un yeah she s a good sort she s generous with everyone she s a good sport and god he s a miserable bastard he s always making up rules i m terribly disillusioned i think he s a silly old fool jesus he plays the guitar he sings like joni mitchell i thought i d be happy in heaven but in fact i m unhappy as hell