i don t want a lot for christmas there is just one thing i need i don t care about the presents underneath the christmas tree i just want you for my own more than you will ever know make my dreams come true cause all i want for christmas is not to think about killing myself every chance i get i wanna be self sufficient and stop smoking cigarettes and i wanna find a pretty girl so i m not lonely anymore but everybody fuckin knows that s more than i deserve and i don t wanna feel these feelings that i am feeling towards you they say as long as i feel healthy there is nothing wrong with what i do this is my first christmas since the first one that i had where i am missing loved ones and i m not loved and it hurts so bad and i wonder what it s like to get hit by a train would it hurt for a long time or would the pain be quick and sharp so i forget about it as it happens and if i did it would i close my eyes but i believe in god like my parents believe in santa claus they just pretend for my sister there s not a lot of good things that happen after you turn sixteen they mostly involve getting fucked up and forgetting you re alive they say that money can t buy happiness but they don t know what it s like not to eat for days on end and constantly wishing that you would die and i would like to be able to afford everything you ever wanted but i can barely afford anything like a combo meal at mcdonald s more people kill themselves in december than any other month but that s so fucking stupid that s a statistic and i refuse to be one but i wish things would get better if only just for me cause everyone else can just fuck right off cause i m selfish and i have a right to be and i wonder what it s like to get hit by a train would it hurt for a long time or would the pain be quick and sharp so i forget about it as it happens and if i did it would i close my eyes  cause i believe in god like my parents believe in santa claus they just pretend for my sister there s not a lot of good things that happen after you turn sixteen they mostly involve getting fucked up and forgetting you re alive and joy to the world the world is ending and i wanna watch it fucking burn and joy to the world the world is ending and i wanna watch it fucking burn well joy to the world the world is ending and i wanna watch it fucking burn well joy to the world the world is ending and i wanna watch it fucking burn well i wonder what it s like to get hit by a train would it hurt for a long time or would the pain be quick and sharp so i forget about it as it happens and if i did it would i close my eyes but i believe in god like my parents believe in santa claus they just pretend for my sister and not a lot of good things that happen after you turn sixteen they mostly involve getting fucked up and forgetting you re alive