my friend will spends his time snorting different shit and he laughs as i burn all my bridges for kicks he says external connections are more important then the ones inside his head now he s lingering outside his apartment building smoking and coughing and laughing and talking and smiling now i m sitting outside with a girl i spend too much time thinking about and she s staring at the ground with a sadness i know all too well i tell her cherish what genuine relationships you do have while you have them she won t look me in the eyes as she says take your own advice you re a goddamn hypocrite she was bottled up now she s breaking down sitting on a park bench trying not to be so loud i will spray paint this cardboard all the colors that i like i will spray paint my face until the fumes get me high so i cannot think and i cannot breathe and i will not see no one supporting me because i cannot exist in a vacuum and not just for the lack of air i got nobody to talk to she says don t look at me i don t fucking care but i was bottled up now i m breaking down for god s sake i m in public i ll try not to be so loud and at night she wages wars inside her head she is a beast of burden i am a handful of a person i compare myself to all my friends and then beg why can t i just love them 