feigning independence caught a train ignored your message rode from quincy to alewife and back again youre my anti depressant my coffee my cig and the headache i get when i act like i dont need them sometimes i wish i saw myself from your point of view but then if you called it quits said go fuck yourself im afraid i wouldnt be able to blame you when we first met i was sleeping through high school a creature of impulse fueled by desire my hair covered my eyes to disguise my gaze on the past tense the past tense had swept in and out of my decision making process each mistake a consequence of that you were so bold to speak to my potential and ive been so behind on paying it back are you bored of sorting through my baggage and when im inevitably tied to the tracks of my own train of thought will you cut the rope or turn your back to me cultivated codependence called your phone left you a message and you showed up at my apartment again you said i hate when you play helpless wrapped your arms around my neck and said i wish i saw what happens in your head you see the fear is getting comfortable and losing my control over all my annoying habits my tendency to panic over every tiny detail and the space that each inhabits im exhausted by the subject are you bored of sorting through my baggage and when im inevitably tied to the tracks of my own train of thought will you cut the rope or turn your back to me are you bored of dealing with my bullshit if im honest ive been so stagnant barely functioning so afraid youll find someone better and leave she said is that what you think of me she said is that what you think of me she said is that what you think of me is that what you think of me is that what you think of me is that what you think of me is that what you think 