working out losing weight maybe using tanning spray becoming more attractive in general reading more watching less learning all the rules for chess becoming somewhat smarter in general eating fish not fingernails volunteer to save the whales becoming a better guy in general saving more spending less yes i will wax my chest dating more girls in general but not this year no this year is different as different as a gazelle yes a gazelle from a deer after all these failed resolutions my future is clear the future is near just forget those resolutions you know that you are never gonna do and adopt a more realistical view by committing to things that come easily to you like eat at least one value meal a week or put the correct shoes on the correct feet just raise the bar to walk effortlessly underneath just face the fact you ve always thought those resolutions don t mean squat and settle into a more comfortable spot embrace all the things you know you are not hit the snooze roll over then repeat make large purchases then lose the receipts just raise the bar to walk effortlessly underneath