i would have given more i tied my children to a dying horse stacked up against me the bodies heaved and stank upon their gore on the earth lying still my father found me there ashamed and dying bare i had spent many years destroying all around took everything i found with a dying fall his voice left him it shouldnt be this way do not hope for any other and he picked up my hand i would have given more they brought me misery and they would not falter we put down our ratchets upon them day and night with brutal force and might to dead men and absent there are no friends left to to scribe the things we do when i wake up i want to see you bring me the life that is within you i charge myself off your body but in my arms the darkness deepens  ill raise my hand to break you if i dont another will ill raise my hand to break you if i dont another will and my father left forever it shouldnt be this way i sang long psalms of bitter verse but god had turned away men are free at the blood of christ i wish it was this way breathing is faster and breathing is deeper and falling no longer bothers me sinking is deeper thinking is cleaner your love it flows away from me the pool of bethesda beckons me closer put off that closing evil hour the devil he is very old indeed we sit with a few stories to tell1