margaret thatcher talking on tv looks so sincere as she says to me there d be no unemployment if you all used a bit of initiative i was on the dole i was broke and bored says aye i ll take her at her word got a loan from a credit union man and bought myself a transit van next step up the ladder now i bought myself an old fat sow crossed the border quite legally collected a common market subsidy signed all the forms and gave back the pen smuggled the sow back home again ten times a day i d work this plan myself and the sow and the transit van travel sickness the sow picked up says aye it s time to diversify took all my money from the biscuit tin filled the van to the roof with whiskey and gin around the south my wares i d sell in public houses and hotels there was never a guard nor a customs man put his nose inside the transit van at festivals and fleadhs and fairs if the craic was good you d find me there at all big matches in croke park and i danced with springsteen in the dark  i fought with the tinkers in ballinasloe i danced on streets around listowell mothers had their daughters warned stay well away from the transit van it being lent and the drink trade low i changed to carrying video while on the road to ballybay found a customs roadblock in my way faced the border i got her turned the engine roared and the tyres burned five patrol cars fully manned were in hot pursuit of the transit van through clontibret i did go i was heading for the county mayo round the corner i hit a dog went over the ditch landed in the bog i sat on a bank watched all i owned sinking in a bog hole like a stone she was lying on the roof with the wheels still turning and the stereo playing daniel o donnell now i m back where i first began no job no money but i ve a plan there s a girl down in mullingar she can hold me future in her hand she doesn t look like a film star but she s been telling me about her dad he has no property or land but he has two sows and a transit van the queen of england drives a rolls royce car her son charley has a jaguar but when the pope came to ireland like myself he drove around in a transit van 