you gave me language as a gift i turned it against you i was stupid i was young i was hanged by my judas tongue you shouldnt give weapons to kids that dont know better they can t possibly understand that theres no such thing as forever for every letter in the alphabet you said connect em to a happy word no matter how bad things get i did my best but the pickings got slim once i arrived at x and i had to think of synonyms weighed em against the antonyms i was hanging with all the mannequins who are on a constant search for a persons amputated limbs almost offered up my own trading in my arms and legs you said learn to express yourself if youre gonna stand for things i stood up without expression stood up against everything including you i was stupid i was adolescent but i had your lessons to cling on to and i want you to know how much it helped considering everything that id gone through there was a period without periods run on sentences were like binges i was a comma with no pause a rebel with no clause anxiety is no excuse once theres nothing left to separate we could have connected but didnt i was ignorant passed out on the spacebar the further we drifted apart the closer i came to realizing just how amazing you are now that youre gone i mma say it to the stars til my words knock worlds off their axis and the universe collapses thank you for the matches for the gift of fire for the wood and the axe for whooping my ass for the wheel even if you didnt invent it for the impact that you had on me its epic thank you for the effort for teaching me the abcs even if i never make my way to z even if i never do for someone else exactly what you did for me thank you i was a stupid son of a gun with initials carved into me i was a stray a runaway afraid someday youd shoot me so i scratched off the letters with a pocket knife thats how i loss my way when i was tossed into the fray this is not my life who am i kidding this is a thank you note disguised as a written apology for everything you taught to me so awkwardly i approach the open microphone with everything that i wrote clear my throat adjust the collar on my coat as i rock crowds microphones and boats and then i stroke whatever little ego i have left i should have left it at the alter but i didnt cause im an idiot self deprecating author with a paperback edition that isnt worth a flip through if i dont give you the credit that you deserve you edited the words from the grave and beyond from the first sign of sun rays at dawn til the moonbeams set blaze to my lawn the universe collapses on my front steps so we get to share in that moment for just one moment and nobodys upset theres no more anger theres no more sunsets so i crawl back in the chamber you can shoot me up you might as well we had great communication before the tower fell  i mma do my best while you rest in peace1