twas the night before christmas and i d gone to bed late lord only knows how much pizza i ate christmas eve i dreamed that santa was arrested yeah they handcuffed him and they hauled him off to jail christmas eve i dreamed that santa was arrested for crimes so bad they held him without bail cruelty to reindeer was the first charge that they read we got there just in time your honor he had nine of them hitched to a heavy sleigh and abuse is indicated ones got a nose that s awfully red and the prosecution had only just begun osha closed his workshop down for safety violations and there product liability claims for every toy built since creation we found out he hires only elf s and of course that s discrimination he ll be put away for life before we re done that sled is not air worthy the faa won t certify he s over sixty with corrected vision therefore he should not fly why this could be the trail of the century there s over ten billion instances of unlawful entry christmas eve i dreamed that santa was arrested and not only for the things they claimed he did christmas eve i dreamed that santa was arrested for being a poor roll model for kids why just look at him there your honor he doesn t shave or cut his hair and he grossly over weight and he only works one day a year now we all know he smokes tobacca and they s fur on that suit he wears we must protect our kids from men like this order or order in the court said the judge i ve heard enough about his crimes and clearly this is a man who s out of step with modern times but one of those houses he so often entered unlawfully was mine and therefore all charges are dismissed oh i woke up to the sound of ho ho hoin reindeer hoofs upon my roof and it was snowing and as i watch him fly away it was good knowing that some things that are politically incorrect can still be right merry christmas to all and to all a merry christmas eve goodnight must have been the pepperoni