i was 16 when the bell on the phone rings it s my homie from church an ex dope fiend a little older wore his heart on his shoulder a hiphop head so we connected on the totem back then i d kick verses and he d be on the scrotum i wish he were around to hear these verses that i wrote him just to clear the air confusion and misquotings a good kid with black clouds following his motions like hear ye hear ye but they don t hear me the headline i ve read for the tenth time its eerie three dead including sunday school teacher an ex dope fiend turned extroverted church leader is this real my hairs raised suddenly i m drowning in emotion while shivers swim subtly i read on an affair that ends tragic teachers pleads for life down the barrel of a magnum then point blank shot dead together with his lover before the lovers husband took his own life from him my eyes turned red welled up a watered gaze from hurt fear and let down in lots of ways god why would you allow this if you save when evil lurked within why did my homie disobey we got one life is it ok to be afraid at least we got that option stomping through this maze its ok to be afraid many don t have that option that s so we mourn today here one day then gone away things will never be the same i remember her soft skin and her caress the mistakes that i made and her grace when i confessed like politics me and her it was complex but all the stains would wash away each time our minds connect we had history old school like a cassette together we opened doors explored she knew me best i imagined us forever ever ever but now i wish i never met her why won t this feeling letup i can t forget her staring at our empty bed the silence is screaming at me so i stay awake instead and in the sheets there s rooms for extra legs on my phone no sms missed calls or messages from tying the knot to farewell goodbyes and my stomach twisted up in knots like bear grylls tied them the start and end it comes full sphere from the cradle to the grave i wish you were here here one day then gone away things will never be the same  it s been a little while since i seen your face getting kinda hard to move on but the pain is motivation though its frustrating you don t know what you have until it s gone 