friend either you re closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the presence of a pool table in your community well ya got trouble my friend right here i say trouble right here in river city why sure i m a billiard player certainly mighty proud i say i m always mighty proud to say it i consider that the hours i spend with a cue in my hand are golden help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye j ever take and try to find an iron clad leave for yourself from a three rail billiard shot but just as i say it takes judgment brains and maturity to score in a balkline game i say that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket and i call that sloth the first big step on the road to the depths of deg ra day i say first medicinal wine from a teaspoon then beer from a bottle an the next thing ya know your son is playin for money in a pinch back suit and list nin to some big out a town jasper hearin him tell about horse race gamblin not a wholesome trottin race no but a race where they set down right on the horse like to see some stuck up jockey boy settin on dan patch make your blood boil well i should say now friends lemme tell you what i mean ya got one two three four five six pockets in a table pockets that mark the diff rence between a gentlemen and a bum with a capital b and that rhymes with p and that stands for pool and all week long your river city youth ll be fritterin away i say your young men ll be fritterin fritterin away their noontime suppertime choretime too get the ball in the pocket never mind gettin dandelions pulled or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded never mind pumpin any water til your parents are caught with the cistern empty on a saturday night and that s trouble yes you got lots and lots of trouble i m thinkin of the kids in the knickerbockers shirt tail young ones peekin in the pool hall window after school ya got trouble folks right here in river city trouble with a capital t and that rhymes with p and that stands for pool now i know all you folks are the right kind of parents i m gonna be perfectly frank would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes on while they re loafin around that hall they be tryin out bevo tryin out cubebs tryin out tailor mades like cigarette fiends and braggin all about how they re gonna cover up a tell tale breath with sen sen one fine night they leave the pool hall headin for the dance at the arm ry libertine men and scarlet women and rag time shameless music that ll grab your son your daughter with the arms of a jungle animal instinct mass staria friends the idle brain is the devil s playground trouble oh we got trouble right here in river city right here in river city with a capital t and that rhymes with p and that stands for pool that stands for pool we ve surely got trouble we ve surely got trouble right here in river city right here gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble mothers of river city heed that warning before it s too late watch for the tell tale signs of corruption the moment your son leaves the house does he re buckle his knickerbockers below the knee is there a nicotine stain on his index finger a dime novel hidden in the corn crib is he starting to memorize jokes from cap n billy s whiz bang are certain words creeping into his conversation words like like swell trouble trouble trouble aha and so s your old man trouble trouble trouble well if so my friends ya got trouble oh we got trouble right here in river city right here in river city with a capital t and that rhymes with p and that stands for pool that stands for pool we ve surely got trouble we ve surely got trouble right here in river city right here remember the maine plymouth rock and the golden rule oh we got trouble we re in terrible terrible trouble that game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil s tool devil s tool oh yes we got trouble trouble trouble oh yes we got trouble here we ve got big big trouble with a t with a capital t gotta rhyme it with p gotta rhyme with p and that stands for pool that stands for pool remember my friends listen to me because i pass this way but once 1