would you like some more water naw i m good that s not what your parole officer said did you register when you moved into the neighborhood i couldnt decide if he was a cold racist asking a racist question or a friendly racist telling a racist joke either way i was not amused but i laughed as the awkward chuckle passed through my lips it tasted like the eucharist like blood in my mouth my stomach churned as i imagined it would if i ate human flesh i felt like judas and christ betraying myself then hanging in silence as im crucified i wanted to prove him wrong i wanted to stand up and list off my credentials in words with more syllables than his simple mind could take i wanted to prove him right i wanted to stand up and fire off hyphenated profanities inventing new conjugations for four letter words like the dumbest nigga he done eva heard i wanted to prove him wrong i wanted to leave and come back with the black elite a fleet of the sharpest darkest intellectuals he s ever seen leaving tips large enough to buy out this business twice over i wanted to prove him right i wanted to leave and come back with thugs and hoodrats with chains guns and bats burn this place to ash but what did i do i laughed then sat there silently then ran home and wrote poetry then screamed it out like im not a coward like i didnt cry in front of my computer screen like i wasnt waiting for my two white friends to speak up for me like i stood up for myself like i did something like i fought a revolution like it wasnt funny like i didnt laugh but i did and it tasted like the eucharist like blood in my mouth and i swallowed it