i was drunk i didn t let on as i stood before your door at dawn i guess i might have awaken the dogs because the shadows started coughing them out so i put my hands into my hair and i pulled and let it hurt there was a light going out somewhere i thought it hear through the wood that held the house together that kept me out here in the cold i knew the sun was going to change the weather but i was looking she never would show i was jamming my hands in my pockets and i was thinking about throwing a stone but if i had the courage i knew that i lost it i was too scared to walk myself home so lit out on a concrete rail and i made my way through the dead park i could still here the cicadas wailing as the morning fog rolled off the dark i had the whole night in my lungs i was breathing so hard and so fast i scored one for the catholic girls and i tried to stuff it all in a box you know the kind that comes with a key you can throw in the lake or bury somewhere i though about the kid you knew before me and how he held onto that lock of your hair he kept it tied up in a sad rubber band in his dresser drawer on the right side now he walks around with strands of you all over him as if you were still spending the night i was jamming my hands in my pockets i swear i was zero at the bones if i felt my courage making a come back i was drunk i didn t let on cause i was doing like my pa had always done i was trying to rise back from the dead saying all those ghost prayers before the storm hoping god won t hit me over the head i guess i was out for a revelation i was kicking out agaist the darkness i had dew all over my body from sleeping in a ball under a park bench i was so sure i would never make it i remember like it happened only yesterday i don t know why i m still holding onto it don t hearts break nearly every other day when you try to make the sweetness last cause everything happens so fast and your waiting with half dry eyes for something to fall or something to rise2