i suffer from depression complete depression had it my whole life i have had it so bad that uh i ve had anxiety been diagnosed with major depression my ocd which was in control exploded lots of phobias lots of fears anxiety panic attacks i had depression before i didn t know depression could be so bad sometimes it feels like the world s on my shoulders everything around me closing in it s starts to grow colder it s like i m sitting on death row and waitin for conclusion shits real fucked up my brain s filled with much confusion do you know what it is to sit a 3 am with a gun pressed to your temple on your knees prayin or in the bathroom on the floor a handful of pills cause the fuckin rent s due and you can t pay bills have you ever felt the cold grip of death in your heart i m talkin rips right in your cavity and pulls it apart ten motherfuckin seconds just from ending this shit flames rising from the actions that your about to commit have you ever stopped your car somewhere far from everything sat a half an hour just thinkin of a better way to put your soul to rest and set your mind at ease put the barrel in my mouth i wanna sleep for all eternity dear cold cruel world why am i here i never asked to be alive everyday it s just a struggle even to survive dear please just wipe away the tears i ll be better off when i m gone in my own private hell and left all alone  so many reasons just to leave this fuckin planet pressure gets to me so much to where you just can t stand it people hatin credit problems bitch be fuckin your friends a million reasons circumstances for your soul to transcend nobody like me i m a loser parents wish i was dead i m overweight can t get a date i ll turn my walls to red i lock the door turn up the music flip the t v screen i ll leave a bloody fuckin mess all for my moms to clean it s s to the point that i can t stand it i can t even try to cope and you don t know me you can t help me you can t offer me no hope it s too late to try and stop it i done lost the fuckin war i ain t gon write no fuckin letter leave my answers on the floor i m a do it i swear don t even think i m even fuckin lyin nobody gon remember me nobody gon be cryin all alone in my death like i was in life let me take my final breath they can bury me tonight dear cold cruel world why am i here i never asked to be alive everyday it s just a struggle even to survive dear please just wipe away the tears i ll be better off when i m gone in my own private hell and left all alone you won t miss me when i m gone i know you did me so wrong gunshot dear cold cruel world why am i here dear please just wipe away the tears dear cold cruel world why am i here dear please just wipe away the tears dear cold cruel world why am i here dear please just wipe away the tears all of y all within the sound of my voice my mama was makin them dishes and whoopin em up in a big wooden bowl she sifted that white blossom flour through a sifter and took her hand and parted that flour in the bottom of that wooden bowl and took a gob of hog lard and squished it up with her hand she didn t stir it up with no spoon squished it up with her hand