i didn t think it was for real or it could be such a big deal that this hunk of silicon could save my life but now i ve seen what it can do and after all that we ve been through i had to write a song all about why it can do anything it can even help me sing and yes it helped me find my soul mate it can be a light saber or help me find out if my neighbor is a registered sex offender in my state been bitten by a vampire bat well there s an app for that been deployed into heavy combat well there s an app for that in a fight with yasser arafat there s an app for that have you heard about my phone my phone s so sweet my phone owns your phone it makes my life complete one thing you gotta understand my phone it holds my hand and i don t think you could comprehend how i don t even need a girlfriend now cause my phone does everything if i put it in my pants suddenly i can dance and the ladies flock to me on the dance floor and the one that i take home invariably loves my phone too bad there s not an app for birth control  are you bored at the laundromat well there s an app for that been feeling like you re getting fat well there s an app for that forgetting when to feed your cat there s an app for that have you heard about my phone my phone s so sweet my phone owns your phone it makes my life complete one thing you gotta understand my phone it holds my hand and i don t think you could comprehend how i don t even need a girlfriend now cause my phone does everything my finance application says i deserve a vacation and it solved the economy in greece stevie jobs knows what he s doin in my opinion he s a shoe in for this year s nobel prize for peace you learning how to knit a hat well there s an app for that your wife just gave birth to a cat there s probably an app for that you want to call your mom and chat well actually service is pretty spotty out here so i ll i ll just call her when i get into town have you heard about my phone my phone s so sweet my phone owns your phone it makes my life complete one thing you gotta understand my phone it holds my hand and i don t think you could comprehend how i don t even need a girlfriend now cause my phone does everything and yes i mean everything