there s commotion in my brain strange is the notion words cannot explain my range of emotion i m speechless my flaws exposed and my weakness each breath draws me closer to a deep test it s month number seven it s been ten days i ve been awake all night reflecting on my ways a threat to my peace in this greatest of moments because i m the high priest and it s the day of atonement the lord is so holy and perfect i m nervous i m floored that he chose me to worship through service don t ask me why the god who crafted the sky drafted this weak guy from the clan of levi preceding generation taught me to read the regulations deep meditation on decreed revelation extreme trepidation breeds hesitation yet i must lead and be the representation my occupation to intercede for the nation but indeed my own sins need expiation the wrath of jehovah s grim sin is no joke to him the hope is slim for unholy men coming close to him he s spoken in his word the proper way of approach to him nadab and abihu got it wrong and he roasted them these things i weigh as i sigh this could either be the greatest day of my life or the day that i die so you say that you wanna know the lord do you really wanna stand before the lord do you know what it takes to meet the lord god is an all consuming fire so you say that you wanna know the lord do you really wanna stand before the lord do you know what it takes to meet the lord be careful what you desire for now no time to focus on my sinning i bathe in the laver though it seems extreme i put on the holy coat made of white linen craving his favor i m ceremonially clean i check to inspect no tangible faltering next i must collect the animals for the offering a spotless ram and a bull the components god gives to make atonement for my own sins this part of the ritual makes me real cautious because the very sight of blood makes me feel nauseous still i proceed by snatching him close slashing his throat when his blood splashed on my coat reacting i choke gasping that s when i m grasping god s reaction that sin provokes i take a moment to reflect on the blood spilled in this staring at the goat to be sent into the wilderness i ll confess israel s sins with my hands on his head symbolizing guilt transferred instead to a substitute the living god provided and stamped guilty of our sin driven outside the camp this beautiful picture of hope and grace motivates and i don t want my fear to make this dope occasion go to waste change my outer garments slow my pace yo i brace myself to stand before jehovah s face in the holy place so you say that you wanna know the lord do you really wanna stand before the lord do you know what it takes to meet the lord god is an all consuming fire so you say that you wanna know the lord do you really wanna stand before the lord do you know what it takes to meet the lord be careful what you desire the time has come the great moment has arrived about to enter in what a lonely enterprise look at the other priests they speak only with their eyes rope tied around my ankle just in case i don t survive i enter through the first curtain to a dark room i m standing in the holy place my thoughts consumed i m caught off guard i m unraveling at this stage my heartbeat so hard it s rattling my ribcage feeling like i m disintegrating and i can t stand comforted by the light emanating from the lampstand this helps my vision i can see the showbread i think of god s provision that helps me go ahead i need courage to worship man this is intense i take burning coals off the altar for the incense the sweet aroma fills the room the smoke protects my eyes one sight of jehovah seals my doom it s no mere coincidence i m here surrendering with fear and trembling i m nearly entering i feel like running scared hoping i m not unprepared stunned with fear no one comes in here but once a year nevertheless i m at the point of no return besides i don t want my anointing to be spurned after counting to three next time i inhale i m in the holy of holies beyond the veil the first thing i realize is i m thrilled that i ve entered into god s presence and yet i m still alive i m awestruck by the weight of his terrible beauty it s almost unbearable but i must fulfill my duty approach the ark the first part of my work s complete when i sprinkle blood seven times on the mercy seat quickly i exit impressed with the hesed that rescues the wretched and left us accepted 1