you have twenty seven messages pepa pepa it s me are you there call me hi it s me again candela where are you just call me when you get this okay okay pepa pepa pepa it s me again why aren t you picking up the phone it s like my brain is gonna melt if i don t talk to you i ve got a problem in the shower and i ve only got a minute cause the problem in the shower is this guy that i ve been dating named malik he s what s the word swarthy like a desert sheik and he s been here in my apartment for about a week i met him down at cafe sombra and i know you think i m overly romantic but you wouldn t believe the connection we had like immediately i was ready for him to meet my mom like i could feel my heart exploding like some kind of bomb which is ironic because actually i think he literally has some kind of  anyway grandpa happy birthday say hello to grandma and be sure to take your that was him i may be jumping to conclusions god i hope i am he thinks i m thin and he s got shoulders like jean claude van damme listen call me when you hear this i ll be here for half an hour call me back pepa are you there are you there are you okay you re not there but we need to talk my stomach s aching like i swallowed some enormous rock i m at the phone booth on the corner and i ve only got a minute cause i m running out of change cause i ve been lending all my money to malik god knows with men i m not exactly on a lucky streak but this one really is a mess i think i m gonna freak i know you say i m an alarmist but i m not remember there s that time i thought i saw a spider you said nah it s a raisin but it suddenly started moving and it crawled over and bit me on the toe so if you re gonna stand in judgement that s how much you know it s a good thing i didn t eat it but i never would have ate it cause i never did like raisins so why would there be a raisin on the floor so when you hear this call me back i ll wait a little more i ll be at seven seven three damn they scratched out the number and misspelled vagina all right i m hanging up i ll call you back pepa okay i m trying you again it s afternoon it s like my eyes are gonna pop if i don t get you soon i m at the studio which sucks because i m having trouble working cause the only thing i think about s this crazy situation with malik i don t know what i m gonna do if you and i don t speak i know you think i m just a drama queen but actually i m practical and damn it i m a model so of course i feel things deeper than most people typically do and anyway i think my life may be in danger too you won t believe what he s got hidden in the oh fernando s working here he s lost a lot of weight and wow he got that thing removed he just looks pepa marcos he says hello and now he s telling me we re shooting so i ve gotta go it s some big deal ad campaign i don t know what it s for they ve got me posing with a melon and a matador some kind of metaphor call me back pepa it s eight i don t know why you re treating me like this pepa it s almost ten o clock you really are a terrible friend pepa i m sorry i ve never felt so frightened and alone i m like a helpless little kitten up a hey i m on the fucking phone please call me back pepa it s midnight are you screening it s three a m you have to call me would never do this to you what kind of a friend what was the name of that cheese that i like pepa pepa sweetheart listen i need to tell you tape is full end of messages pepa okay now even your machine s ignoring me listen pepa i know you think i m needy but you ve got to see i m feeling kind of woozy i ve been crying for an hour and my boyfriend has an uzi and he doesn t clean the shower and i don t know where you are i don t know where i am i m halfway up a tree and completely in a jam i m out here in the desert and nobody gives a damn pepa pepa pepa call me back 1