punk rock john introduced himself to me at my first show he said kid protect your teeth do not lick the walls and dont piss off the crustys if you get cut let it bleed youll be fine i was 15 years old thinking about unzipping my veins and while most 15 year olds would have done drugs or written a fucking poem i went to shitty bars and basements and gave my best friends black eyes for the first time in my life i knew that when i fell someone was gonna pick me up that first mosh pit was not a quiet conversation about suicide it was punk rock john telling me hey asshole dont kill yourself dont waste your unscarred knuckles my rage bloomed why hate myself when i can hate parents high school the radio record stores magazines corporations yuppies my parents cops rain sunshine beach days phone books and tiny fucking cupcakes god damn if that first day of punk didnt sound like buddy holly played back double time distorted compressed into four chords the first time i saw punk rock john he was halfway through a frontflip stage dive and he landed directly on me he picked me up dusted me off and threw me back in the pit punk rock john was 64 had hands the size a kick drum and he smelled like a 20 year rain he was noah he was our shepherd one time i was getting ready to dropkick some metal kid when john got me in a headlock and said quit fucking around neil you dont know who this kids friends are and i aint putting you out if they set you on fire john told us the church of punk rock was always open if you wanna pray just crank up the stereo until your ears bleed if you wanna pray just grab your brothers and sing sing out of tune sing the wrong words just sing loud but then some out of town skin dropped a guillotine knifeblade into johns skull the blood was pouring from his ears he was dead before he hit the ground john brought me into a world where i felt loved and that world took him away i buried my leather jacket patched the holes in my jeans and tried to pluck the chords like stitches from my chest but john still speaks to me when the world is larger than i am when my chest is a vice i put that needle on the record i turn it up until i cant hear shit and i tell myself as long as i have hands i can break something as long as we can breathe we can sing as long as i can remember i will hear him he says kid youll be fine 9