the costanzas are driving in the car frank i got no leg room back here move your seat forward estelle that s as far as it goes frank there s a mechanism you just pull it and throw your body weight estelle i pulled it it doesn t go frank if you want the leg room say you want the leg room don t blame the mechanism george all right dad we re five blocks from the house sit sideways frank like an animal because of her i have to sit here like an animal serenity now serenity now george what is that frank doctor gave me a relaxation cassette when my blood pressure gets too high the man on the tape tells me to say serenity now george are you supposed to yell it frank the man on the tape wasn t specific george what happened to the screen door it blew off again estelle i told you to fix that thing frank serenity nowww int monk s cafe patty so i told bobby and lisa that we d try the new chinese spanish place la caridad on saturday jerry oh i thought we had tickets for the knicks home opener patty well i thought this would be more fun so i gave the tickets away jerry what all right fine patty are you mad at me jerry no i love a good chinese spanish whatever it is patty you know i ve never seen you mad jerry i get peeved patty mad jerry miffed patty mad jerry irked patty i d like to see you get really mad george why does she want you to be mad jerry she says i suppress my emotions george so what do you care what she thinks jerry good body george she probably gets that impression because you re cool you re under control like me nothing wrong with that jerry but i get upset i ve yelled you ve heard me yell george not really your voice kind of raises to this comedic pitch kramer hey jerry kramer i am so sick of you comin in here and eatin all my food now shut that door and get the hell out of here kramer what is that a new bit george i told ya hey any of you guys want to come out and help me fix my father s screen door in queens jerry sorry i m fixing a screen door in the bronx kramer i ll do it george really you wanna come kramer yeah i love going to the country elaine where are they goin jerry fix a screen door in queens elaine that s funny hey listen what are you doin saturday night jerry not goin to the knick game elaine i need someone to go with me to mr lippman s son s bar mitzvah jerry you know if you don t bring a guest they save a catering you should be able to buy a cheaper gift elaine oh i don t think that s possible kramer get in a little closer i can t see the screen door perfect george dad the hinges are all rusted here that s why the wind keeps blowing the door off estelle i hate that old door throw it out frank serenity now kramer it might be time to just let her go frank she s worked hard for ya frank will you put her to rest for me kramer oh yeah i ll take good care of her estelle get george to put those boxes in the garage george dad what s all this estelle it s junk frank my computers i ve been selling them for two months now shut up george you re selling computers frank two months ago i saw a provocative movie on cable tv it was called the net with that girl from the bus i did a little reading and i realize it wasn t that farfetched george dad you know what it takes to compete with microsoft and ibm frank yes i do that s why i got a secret weapon my son jerry damn it they gave me cream i asked for nonfat milk patty i think they have 1 over there jerry 1 they can kiss 1 of my ass patty ok jerry enough i m not buying it jerry you re damn right you re not buying it patty you shouldn t have to try it s just being open jerry i m open there s just nothing in there patty sarcastically uh huh jerry oh you think i m lying about this patty i think you are jerry well i m not patty yes you are liar jerry oh stop it patty ok liar jerry that s enough patty ooh that was good jerry really it felt good elaine congratulations mr lippman lippman oh elaine my boy s a man today can you believe it he s a man elaine oh congratulations adam adam i m a man jerry tongue elaine yeah george wow i didn t try that til i was 23 jerry well this kid s not just a man he s a man s man elaine and i think he s been telling his friends i got invitations to six more bar mitzvahs jerry hello yeah this is jerry seinfeld no no no i do not want to stop over in cincinnati well then you upgrade me that s right you should thank me goodbye hey i m flyin first class elaine where did that come from jerry patty showed me how to get mad you gotta problem with that elaine no jerry good george all right relax tough guy i got to go out to my father s garage help him sell some computers jerry what the two of you workin in that garage is like a steel cage death match george kramer kramer yeah george what what are you doing kramer oh i m putting up frank s screen door this beauty s got a little life in her yet jerry what do you need it for kramer the cool evening breezes of anytown usa let s see how this baby closes oh yeah yeah yeah george morning ma estelle you re late george morning dad frank i m not dad in the workplace my professional name is mr costanza and i will refer to you as costanza morning braun lloyd morning george two cream no sugar george what is lloyd braun doing here frank your mother recommended him george yeah of course she did that s all i ever heard growing up is why can t you be more like lloyd braun did you know he was in a mental institution frank i didn t read his resume lloyd another sale mr costanza chalk me up on the big board george what is this frank this is your lagging good work braun estelle good for you lloyd elaine so adam i just talked to your father and apology accepted adam i m not apologizing it was great i told everyone elaine yeah i know uh by the way could you do me a favor and tell mitchell tanenbaum that i will be unable to attend this saturday adam are you free friday night elaine i am but that is not the point you are thirteen and i am in my early 20s adam but i m a man the rabbi said so elaine no you are not a man it takes a long time to become a man i mean half my friends aren t even there yet adam well if i m not a man then this whole thing was a sham first they said i was gonna get great gifts and then somebody gives me boggle i renounce my religion lippman who wants cookies adam as of this moment i am no longer jewish i quit lippman what elaine walnuts mmmmmm frank you re late again costanza so listen up starting tonight we re having a little sales contest the loser gets fired the winner gets a waterpik estelle you re not giving away our waterpik frank serenity now george you know what it doesn t matter because i quit frank i guess your mother was right you never could compete with lloyd braun george you wanna sell computers i will show you how to sell computers hello mr farneman you wanna buy a computer no why not all right i see good answer thank you serenity now elaine adam you don t become a man overnight look at your father it takes time patience experience uh several careers of varying success and these are things i look for in a man adam well that does me a lot of good early 20s elaine well i m sorry sir i tried lippman so that s the type of guy you re looking for elaine uhh i guess so why patty what is this jerry anytown u s a hello is kramer home oh hey kramer hello neighbor jerry boy those azaleas are really coming in nicely kramer oh you gotta mulch you ve got to jerry you barbecuing tonight kramer right after the fireworks jerry so where do you want to eat tonight patty how about la caridad again jerry again how much flan can a person eat patty jerry you ve been yelling at me all afternoon jerry well i don t think more flan is the answer patty maybe i should just leave jerry maybe patty good bye jerry double good bye kramer hey buddy elaine hey happy new year kramer y all come back reeeaall elaine did you and patty just break up jerry yeah in fact she broke up with me and i don t want to talk about it elaine well then you re free tonight you know what i heard about this great place called la caridad jerry that s the last thing she said to me she wanted to go there also but i wasn t in the mood elaine whoa what is the matter jerry it s patty elaine jerry you break up with a girl every week jerry what what is this salty discharge elaine oh my god you re crying jerry this is horrible i care jerry patty won t call me back i don t know if i can live without her kramer she s really gotten to you hasn t she jerry i don t know what s happening to me kramer simple you let out one emotion all the rest will come with it it s like endora s box jerry that was the mother on bewitched you mean pandora kramer yeah well she had one too george jerry can i talk to you for a second kramer that s it that s it i warned you kids i told you not to play in front of my house this time i m keepin it and you re not getting back your rock either george are you still down in the dumps come on it s just a chick jerry you ever heard of a little thing called feelings george well i got just the thing to cheer you up a computer huh we can check porn and stock quotes jerry porn quotes i m so lucky to have a friend like you george ever tell you how much i love you george what jerry i love you george come here george i i m already here i m here i m here uh you know what if you want a computer call me i i gotta go jerry go wherever you want i m still gonna love you int jerry s apartment night kramer look what they did look what they did to my house i turn my back for two seconds and they put shaving cream all over my door you i see you i ll teach these kids a lesson where s that house i put under your sink jerry hose under my sink i love you kramer kramer i love you too buddy and george george i don t want to hear it kramer kramer listen when i give you the signal i want you to turn this water on full blast george what signal what what signal kramer i ll yell uh hoochie mama george if i do it will you buy a computer kramer on the signal george on the signal george only if you buy i gotta make a sale jerry i love you costanza george will you shut up kramer now now george turn on the faucet george turn on the faucet hoochie mama hoochie mama hoochie mamamaaaaa int cab elaine and george elaine so now the other lippman kissed me george well sure they re jewish and you re a shiksa elaine what george it means a non jewish woman elaine i know what it means but what does being a shiksa have to do with it george you ve got shiksappeal jewish men love the idea of meeting a woman that s not like their mother elaine oh that s insane george i ll tell you what s insane the price that i could get you on a new desktop computer elaine i am not buying a computer from you george there s porn elaine even so george damn it int lippman s house elaine don t get me wrong mr lippman i i m very flattered that you found me attractive enough to lunge at me huh but the only reason you like me is because i m a shiksa lippman that s simply not true elaine if you weren t jewish you wouldn t be interested in me lippman you are wrong i ll prove it elaine oh no don t lippman i renounce judaism elaine oy vey int jerry s apartment jerry what happened to you pal kramer joey zanfino and some of the neighborhood kids they ambushed me with a box of grade a s jerry are you all right kramer oh no i m fine serenity now serenity now serenity now jerry so you re using frank s relaxation method kramer jerry the anger it just melts right off serenity now look at this serenity now elaine hey what happened to you kramer serenity elaine well you are not gonna believe this now lippman is renounced this shiksa thing is totally out of control what is with you people what are you looking at jerry sit down elaine elaine oh no jerry i can t take any more gentle sobbing jerry i ve been thinking about what it means to be complete elaine do you have an apple or anything jerry look at us hurtling through space on this big blue marble elaine or a nectarine i would absolutely love a nectarine jerry looking everywhere for some kind of meaning elaine why am i in such a fruit mood ahh banana jerry when all the while the real secret to happiness has been right in front of us elaine what jerry elaine george jerry i ve found a way to beat lloyd braun i buy the computers myself i store em in your apartment then after i win the contest i bring em all back and get my money back ha ha it s brilliant what what s wrong with your leg jerry i m asking elaine to marry me george i ll store these over at kramer s apartment jerry elaine elaine uhh jerry i ve got a lot goin on with uh lippman right now jerry lippman elaine yeah and him too what oh yeah i think george is calling me so i m gonna go give him a hand come on come on jerry can i help you elaine no stay stay stay int costanzas garage frank hey braun costanza s kicking your butt george watch how it s done oh hello mr vandelay would you like to buy a computer oh really two dozen frank costanza you re white hot phone if you d like to make a call please hang up and frank hey braun i got good news and bad news and they re both the same you re fired costanza you ve won the water pik estelle you re not gonna give away that water pik frank you wanna bet serenity now serenity now lloyd you know you should tell your dad that serenity now thing doesn t work it just bottles up the anger and eventually you blow george what do you know you were in the nut house lloyd what do you think put me there george i heard they found a family in your freezer lloyd serenity now insanity later int hallway in to jerry s apartment jerry what happened here kramer kramer serenity now serenity now jerry kramer kramer geez jerry i didn t here you come in yeah the children they ve done sum redecorating serenity now serenity now jerry you don t look well kramer well that s odd cause i feel perfectly at peace with the world uh eggs you serenity now serenity now serenity now jerry oh i m sorry look at me i stepped on your last rose kramer jerry come on don t get upset about it there s always next spring now will you excuse me for a moment serenity nooooooooww george jerry i did it haha i beat braun kramer serenity now george come on wanna give me a hand with the computers kramer serenity nooooowwwww int jerry s apartment george why couldn t you squeeze one of those stupid rubber balls to get your stress out why did you have to destroy twenty five computers kramer george you listen to me i owe ya one jerry he s incorrigible you want to talk about it george oh please don t tell me you love me again jerry i can t handle it jerry george letting my emotions out was the best thing i ve ever done sure i m not funny anymore but there s more to life than making shallow fairly obvious observations how about you george all right here goes int rabbi s office elaine rabbi is there anything i can do to combat this shiks appeal rabbi ha elaine shiks appeal is a myth like the yeti or his north american cousin the sasquatch elaine well something s goin on here cause every able bodied israelite in the county is driving pretty strong to the hoop rabbi elaine there s much you don t understand about the jewish religion for example did you know that rabbis are allowed to date elaine well what does that have to do rabbi you know a member of my congregation has a timeshare in myrtle beach perhaps if you re not too busy we could wing on down after the high holidays elaine lainie int jerry s apartment george so that s it all of my darkest fears and everything i m capable of that s me jerry yikes well good look with all that george where you going i i thought i could count on you for a little compassion jerry i think you scared me straight elaine all right jerome i m in jerry what elaine maybe we should get married maybe everything we need is right here in front of us jer let s do it jerry i tell ya i don t see it happening elaine what what happened to the new jerry jerry he doesn t work here anymore elaine oh well that s just great george i love you jerry jerry right back at ya slick george you know all these years i ve always wanted to see the two of you get back together elaine well that s because you re an idiot int costanzas garage frank you single handedly brought costanza and son to the brink of bankruptcy george well what about all the lloyd braun sales frank he s crazy his phone wasn t even hooked up he just liked ringing that bell estelle i told you to clean out this garage i have to put my car in frank this is a place of business i told you never to come in here serenity now estelle all right george dad you really should lay off the serenity now stuff frank so what am i supposed to say george hoochie mama estelle move your crap i m comin in frank no you re not hoochie mama hoochie mama 