if you receive an e mail with a subject of badtimes delete it immediately without reading it this is the most dangerous e mail virus yet it will re write your hard drive not only that but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer it will recalibrate your refrigerator s coolness setting so all your ice cream melts it will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards screw up the tracking on your vcr and use subspace field harmonics to render any cds you try to play unreadable it will give your ex boy girlfriend your new phone number it will mix antifreeze into your fishtank it will drink all your beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there s company coming over it will put a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit and hide your car keys when you are late for work badtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin it will give you nightmares about circus midgets it will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current boy girlfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your visa card it will seduce your grandmother it does not matter if she is dead such is the power of badtimes it reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear it moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can t find it it will kick your dog it will leave libidinous messages on your boss s voice mail in your voice it is insidious and subtle it is dangerous and terrifying to behold it is also a rather interesting shade of mauve badtimes will give you dutch elm disease it will leave the toilet seat up it will make a batch of methamphetamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase high school kids with your new snowblower these are just a few of the signs be very very careful