hello help me i have no service i shouldn t have switched to at t i cannot even tweet my entire world is crashing down i feel like i m dying hello can you hear me adele calm down use the landline you are such a drama queen no i canceled that last week i m havin a panic attack just try outside stop crying this entire song is one giant first world problem rant hello oh god no why i still have zero bars outside i m so screwed my life is crumbling before my eyes wait i know i ll go back in and connect with wi fi oh no i m locked outside i can t fucking believe this why please come to the door and let me back in the home it s fifty degrees and all i have is this massive coat i m so cold thank god a payphone in the middle of the woods makes perfect sense normal totally come on pick it up i can t believe i m locked out of the house and you re not answering it s been an hour since my last tweet my fans must think i m dead help me i cannot get online if i do not say hello i will lose my following they will forget about me wait hold up i have a bar now i can tweet hello i m still alive i have bad service locked outside she can t get in her house and her service is bad oh god poor adele her life is in shambles it s so sad it s the worst day of my life and now my fucking phone just died everything s gone wrong my world s falling apart i might as well just give up and shove this knife in my heart goodbye world  what are you doing you know this is a push door right oh and by the way i ate the last slice of pizza now i m gonna starve and die oh wait that s it you re way too dramatic we re breaking up1