i had a dream that i fathered a bizarro genius baby shes out the womb like dude whyd i get expatriated debated at one month the finer points of a diaper devised a device composed of a hose and a windshield wiper grew riper in intellect as the months passed wore a dunce cap ironically got fussy once and she summoned me not sonically but through a series of editorials that she authored entitled is mc frontalot one of the worst fathers oxford stanford harvard called she didnt call them back tuition and housing im holding out for a tenure track distracted by her first birthday party i hardly noticed shed brought peace to the middle east or at least a cease fire with the potus and no dust had settled when she disproved fermat by finding a 3 b 3 that c 3 and her sadness at throwing the field into disarray got assuaged by a brand new rattle and a mint parfait bizarro genius baby at first i was elated but eventually i grew concerned bizarro genius baby you prove my genes are grade a but what of when tables turn she had to settle for the fields medal but didnt settle well all the while cursing the indiscretions of madame nobel and so well tuckered out was she at this point that she napped arose with a whole symphony composed in bb see dad yes dear itll go with the other ones on the fridge in between the two puccinis you translated abridged just above i love you dad in macaroni glitter and the thirty seven villanelles to mom but i aint bitter and no quitter was she neither when the time it came to walk built an exoskeleton out of gelatin and chalk which allowed her to run thirty miles an hour round the yard you think that parenting your normal little children is hard i got scarred scared scampered at by holographic artifacts that she projected on the scene with a machine that automatically discerns your worst concerns makes them visible she deemed it risible her glee was indivisible from all emanations that the baby would make i had to become less hilarious for all of our sakes i made mistakes ill admit it dropped the kid on her head destroyed the part of her that thought of evil or so she said now i bred this thing out myself in part she quoted reap what you sow i had to take it to heart i sought to restart i said girl youll be a woman cant be dabbling and dilettantin all the time im assuming got to pick a theme and focus the beam of your brain power her face became overcome with an insane glower and then it remained sour she said oh i have though the ui that you gave me was buggy i finally found me the nav and im dialing in a career path i think youll like began when i played with an 808 and it ends with a mic i didnt need her to elaborate at all she was already wearing the glasses mic in the palm she planned to become a nerdcore rapper just like me so i shipped her to singapore sold her baby ass to nike