if i were a god i d make a lot of milkshakes pour them down on people watch them all go crazy if i were a god i d fry a lot of bacon put it in the milkshakes my idea of heaven bacon in a milkshake my idea of heaven if i were a genius i could make you love me but i m not a genius cause nobody loves me if i were a genius i could write equations i could pass the math test but i d never solve them i could spell the math test but i d never solve them if i crack a bottle i could swallow vodka walking into brick walls acting like my father if i crack a bottle i could swim in whiskey i d forget my lover cause she doesn t miss me i d forget my lover cause she doesn t miss me if i were a record i d be getting dizzy spinning round in circles sticking needles in me if i were a record i d be wearing vinyl dressing like a rockstar going out of style dressing like a rockstar going out of style if i were a cellphone i d call in a bomb threat almost got arrested but i shot the sheriff if i were a cellphone we could learn our lesson i will leave a voicemail if you text a message i will leave a voicemail if you mail a message if i were a god i d fry a lot of bacon put it in the milkshakes my idea of heaven if i were a god i d find it quite perplexing balancing the bacon trying to please the vegans bringing home the bacon but i love the vegans