i was all i could do to stay calm i had woken up before the call had come after partying all of the night before i woke suddenly at 5am didn t yawn i sat up and took the call the voice held firm at the other end gently speaking of the things that were happening and it set my mind racing as i steadied with my arm it was all i could do to stay calm i could not recall the number for the place nothing was open but i tried calling just the same all of my logical thinking was scrambled over and over just trying to get a handle i remember she was apathetic plain as day asked which account she could debit i read her the credit card and i welled up it was all i could do to stay calm i left as the sun rose by the beachside joggers looked at me as they ran by i tried to hurry my tears and wiped them away but they reappeared i heard there was a bushfire back as home and the freeway to get there was closed i clenched my boarding pass tightly in my palm it was all i could do to stay calm i found a backroad but it was closed so we turned round and drove back and tried to joke then the freeway opened up we were on our way shortly before the call came we had no words to make it okay we just hurried back to the bedside where she lay goodbye i whispered as i held her arm it was all i could do to stay calm  x2 and i wondered what kind of song i would play on the morning of a day like today gently lift me up show me the beauty well on the day my cousin chose a tina turner tune a celebratory belter that strangely works and i let all the calmness out and the tears flowed freely it was a nondescript central coast church where i released i d held in the hurt and i let all the calmness out and the tears flowed freely