a sentimental journey through france and italy by mr yorick volume 1 they order said i this matter better in france you have been in france said my gentleman turning quick upon me with the most civil triumph in the world strange quoth i debating the matter with myself that one and twenty miles sailing for tis absolutely no further from dover to calais should give a man these rights ill look into them so giving up the argument i went straight to my lodgings put up half a dozen shirts and a black pair of silk breeches the coat i have on said i looking at the sleeve will do took a place in the dover stage and the packet sailing at nine the next morning by three i had got sat down to my dinner upon a fricaseed chicken so incontestably in france that had i died that night of an indigestion the whole world could not have suspended the effects of the droits daubaine my shirts and black pair of silk breeches portmanteau and all must have gone to the king of france even the little picture which i have so long worn and so often have told thee eliza i would carry with me into my grave would have been torn from my neck ungenerous to seize upon the wreck of an unwary passenger whom your subjects had beckoned to their coast by heaven sire it is not well done and much does it grieve me tis the monarch of a people so civilized and courteous and so renowned for sentiment and fine feelings that i have to reason with but i have scarce set a foot in your dominions calais when i had fished my dinner and drank the king of frances health to satisfy my mind that i bore him no spleen but on the contrary high honour for the humanity of his temper i rose up an inch taller for the accommodation no said i the bourbon is by no means a cruel race they may be misled like other people but there is a mildness in their blood as i acknowledged this i felt a suffusion of a finer kind upon my cheek more warm and friendly to man than what burgundy could have produced just god said i kicking my portmanteau aside what is there in this worlds goods which should sharpen our spirits and make so many kind hearted brethren of us fall out so cruelly as we do by the way when man is at peace with man how much lighter than a feather is the heaviest of metals in his hand he pulls out his purse and holding it airily and uncompressed looks round him as if he sought for an object to share it with in doing this i felt every vessel in my frame dilate the arteries beat all cheerily together and every power which sustained life performed it with so little friction that twould have confounded the most physical prcieuse in france with all her materialism she could scarce have called me a machine im confident said i to myself i should have overset her creed the accession of that idea carried nature at that time as high as she could go i was at peace with the world before and this finishd the treaty with myself now was i king of france cried i what a moment for an orphan to have beggd his fathers portmanteau of me the monk calais i had scarce uttered the words when a poor monk of the order of st francis came into the room to beg something for a his convent no man cares to have his virtues the sport of contingencies or one man may be generous as another is puissant sed non quoad hanc or be it as it may for there is no regular reasoning upon the ebbs and flows of our humours they may depend upon the same causes for aught i know which influence the tides themselves twould oft be no discredit to us to suppose it was so im sure at least for myself that in many a case i should be more highly satisfied to have it said by the world i had had an affair with the moon in which there was neither sin nor shame than have it pass altogether as my own act and deed wherein there was so much of both but be this as it may the moment i cast my eyes upon him i was predetermined not to give him a single sous and accordingly i put my purse into my pocket buttoned it set myself a little more upon my centre and advanced up gravely to him there was something i fear forbidding in my look i have his figure this moment before my eyes and think there was that in it which deserved better the monk as i judged by the break in his tonsure a few scattered white hairs upon his temples being all that remained of it might be about seventy but from his eyes and that sort of fire which was in them which seemed more temperd by courtesy than years could be no more than sixty truth might lie between he was certainly sixty five and the general air of his countenance notwithstanding something seemd to have been planting wrinkles in it before their time agreed to the account it was one of those heads which guido has often painted mild pale penetrating free from all commonplace ideas of fat contented ignorance looking downwards upon the earth it lookd forwards but lookd as if it lookd at something beyond this world how one of his order came by it heaven above who let it fall upon a monks shoulders best knows but it would have suited a bramin and had i met it upon the plains of indostan i had reverenced it the rest of his outline may be given in a few strokes one might put it into the hands of any one to design for twas neither elegant nor otherwise but as character and expression made it so it was a thin spare form something above the common size if it lost not the distinction by a bend forward in the figure but it was the attitude of intreaty and as it now stands presented to my imagination it gained more than it lost by it when he had entered the room three paces he stood still and laying his left hand upon his breast when i had got close up to him he introduced himself with the little story of the wants of his convent and the poverty of his order and did it with so simple a grace and such an air of deprecation was there in the whole cast of his look and figure i was bewitchd not to have been struck with it a better reason was i had predetermined not to give him a single sous the monk calais tis very true said i replying to a cast upwards with his eyes with which he had concluded his address tis very true and heaven be their resource who have no other but the charity of the world the stock of which i fear is no way sufficient for the many great claims which are hourly made upon it as i pronounced the words great claims he gave a slight glance with his eye downwards upon the sleeve of his tunic i felt the full force of the appeal i acknowledge it said i a coarse habit and that but once in three years with meagre diet are no great matters and the true point of pity is as they can be earnd in the world with so little industry that your order should wish to procure them by pressing upon a fund which is the property of the lame the blind the aged and the infirm the captive who lies down counting over and over again the days of his afflictions languishes also for his share of it and had you been of the order of mercy instead of the order of st francis poor as i am continued i pointing at my portmanteau full cheerfully should it have been opend to you for the ransom of the unfortunate the monk made me a bow but of all others resumed i the unfortunate of our own country surely have the first rights and i have left thousands in distress upon our own shore the monk gave a cordial wave with his head as much as to say no doubt there is misery enough in every corner of the world as well as within our convent but we distinguish said i laying my hand upon the sleeve of his tunic in return for his appeal we distinguish my good father betwixt those who wish only to eat the bread of their own labour and those who eat the bread of other peoples and have no other plan in life but to get through it in sloth and ignorance for the love of god the poor franciscan made no reply a hectic of a moment passd across his cheek but could not tarry nature seemed to have done with her resentments in him he showed none but letting his staff fall within his arms he pressed both his hands with resignation upon his breast and retired the monk calais my heart smote me the moment he shut the door psha said i with an air of carelessness three several times but it would not do every ungracious syllable i had utterd crowded back into my imagination i reflected i had no right over the poor franciscan but to deny him and that the punishment of that was enough to the disappointed without the addition of unkind language i considerd his gray hairs his courteous figure seemd to re enter and gently ask me what injury he had done me and why i could use him thus i would have given twenty livres for an advocate i have behaved very ill said i within myself but i have only just set out upon my travels and shall learn better manners as i get along the desobligeant calais when a man is discontented with himself it has one advantage however that it puts him into an excellent frame of mind for making a bargain now there being no travelling through france and italy without a chaise and nature generally prompting us to the thing we are fittest for i walkd out into the coach yard to buy or hire something of that kind to my purpose an old dsobligeant in the furthest corner of the court hit my fancy at first sight so i instantly got into it and finding it in tolerable harmony with my feelings i ordered the waiter to call monsieur dessein the master of the hotel but monsieur dessein being gone to vespers and not caring to face the franciscan whom i saw on the opposite side of the court in conference with a lady just arrived at the inn i drew the taffeta curtain betwixt us and being determined to write my journey i took out my pen and ink and wrote the preface to it in the dsobligeant preface in the desobligeant it must have been observed by many a peripatetic philosopher that nature has set up by her own unquestionable authority certain boundaries and fences to circumscribe the discontent of man she has effected her purpose in the quietest and easiest manner by laying him under almost insuperable obligations to work out his ease and to sustain his sufferings at home it is there only that she has provided him with the most suitable objects to partake of his happiness and bear a part of that burden which in all countries and ages has ever been too heavy for one pair of shoulders tis true we are endued with an imperfect power of spreading our happiness sometimes beyond her limits but tis so ordered that from the want of languages connections and dependencies and from the difference in education customs and habits we lie under so many impediments in communicating our sensations out of our own sphere as often amount to a total impossibility it will always follow from hence that the balance of sentimental commerce is always against the expatriated adventurer he must buy what he has little occasion for at their own price his conversation will seldom be taken in exchange for theirs without a large discount and this by the by eternally driving him into the hands of more equitable brokers for such conversation as he can find it requires no great spirit of divination to guess at his party this brings me to my point and naturally leads me into the efficient as well as final causes of travelling your idle people that leave their native country and go abroad for some reason or reasons which may be derived from one of these general causes infirmity of body imbecility of mind or inevitable necessity the first two include all those who travel by land or by water labouring with pride curiosity vanity or spleen subdivided and combined ad infinitum the third class includes the whole army of peregrine martyrs more especially those travellers who set out upon their travels with the benefit of the clergy either as delinquents travelling under the direction of governors recommended by the magistrate or young gentlemen transported by the cruelty of parents and guardians and travelling under the direction of governors recommended by oxford aberdeen and glasgow there is a fourth class but their number is so small that they would not deserve a distinction were it not necessary in a work of this nature to observe the greatest precision and nicety to avoid a confusion of character and these men i speak of are such as cross the seas and sojourn in a land of strangers with a view of saving money for various reasons and upon various pretences but as they might also save themselves and others a great deal of unnecessary trouble by saving their money at home and as their reasons for travelling are the least complex of any other species of emigrants i shall distinguish these gentlemen by the name of simple travellers thus the whole circle of travellers may be reduced to the following heads idle travellers inquisitive travellers lying travellers proud travellers vain travellers splenetic travellers then follow the travellers of necessity the delinquent and felonious traveller the unfortunate and innocent traveller the simple traveller and last of all the sentimental traveller who have travelld and of which i am now sitting down to give an account as much out of necessity and the besoin de voyager as any one in the class i am well aware at the same time as both my travels and observations will be altogether of a different cast from any of my forerunners that i might have insisted upon a whole nitch entirely to myself but i should break in upon the confines of the vain traveller in wishing to draw attention towards me till i have some better grounds for it than the mere novelty of my vehicle it is sufficient for my reader if he has been a traveller himself that with study and reflection hereupon he may be able to determine his own place and rank in the catalogue it will be one step towards knowing himself as it is great odds but he retains some tincture and resemblance of what he imbibed or carried out to the present hour the man who first transplanted the grape of burgundy to the cape of good hope never dreamt of drinking the same wine at the cape that the same grape produced upon the french mountains he was too phlegmatic for that but undoubtedly he expected to drink some sort of vinous liquor but whether good or bad or indifferent he knew enough of this world to know that it did not depend upon his choice but that what is generally called choice was to decide his success however he hoped for the best and in these hopes by an intemperate confidence in the fortitude of his head and the depth of his discretion mynheer might possibly oversee both in his new vineyard and by discovering his nakedness become a laughing stock to his people even so it fares with the poor traveller sailing and posting through the politer kingdoms of the globe in pursuit of knowledge and improvements knowledge and improvements are to be got by sailing and posting for that purpose but whether useful knowledge and real improvements is all a lottery and even where the adventurer is successful the acquired stock must be used with caution and sobriety to turn to any profit but as the chances run prodigiously the other way both as to the acquisition and application i am of opinion that a man would act as wisely if he could prevail upon himself to live contented without foreign knowledge or foreign improvements especially if he lives in a country that has no absolute want of either and indeed much grief of heart has it oft and many a time cost me when i have observed how many a foul step the inquisitive traveller has measured to see sights and look into discoveries all which as sancho panza said to don quixote they might have seen dry shod at home it is an age so full of light that there is scarce a country or corner in europe whose beams are not crossed and interchanged with others knowledge in most of its branches and in most affairs is like music in an italian street whereof those may partake who pay nothing but there is no nation under heaven and god is my record that i do not speak it vauntingly but there is no nation under heaven abounding with more variety of learning where the sciences may be more fitly wood or more surely won than here where art is encouraged and will so soon rise high where nature has so little to answer for and to close all where there is more wit and variety of character to feed the mind with where then my dear countrymen are you going we are only looking at this chaise said they your most obedient servant said i skipping out of it and pulling off my hat we were wondering said one of them who i found was an inquisitive traveller what could occasion its motion twas the agitation said i coolly of writing a preface i never heard said the other who was a simple traveller of a preface wrote in a dsobligeant it would have been better said i in a vis a vis as an englishman does not travel to see englishmen i retired to my room calais i perceived that something darkend the passage more than myself as i steppd along it to my room it was effectually mons dessein the master of the htel who had just returned from vespers and with his hat under his arm was most complaisantly following me to put me in mind of my wants i had wrote myself pretty well out of conceit with the dsobligeant and mons dessein speaking of it with a shrug as if it would no way suit me it immediately struck my fancy that it belongd to some innocent traveller who on his return home had left it to mons desseins honour to make the most of four months had elapsed since it had finished its career of europe in the corner of mons desseins coach yard and having sallied out from thence but a vampt up business at the first though it had been twice taken to pieces on mount sennis it had not profited much by its adventures but by none so little as the standing so many months unpitied in the corner of mons desseins coach yard much indeed was not to be said for it but something might and when a few words will rescue misery out of her distress i hate the man who can be a churl of them now was i the master of this htel said i laying the point of my fore finger on mons desseins breast i would inevitably make a point of getting rid of this unfortunate dsobligeant it stands swinging reproaches at you every time you pass by it mon dieu said mons dessein i have no interest except the interest said i which men of a certain turn of mind take mons dessein in their own sensations im persuaded to a man who feels for others as well as for himself every rainy night disguise it as you will must cast a damp upon your spirits you suffer mons dessein as much as the machine i have always observed when there is as much sour as sweet in a compliment that an englishman is eternally at a loss within himself whether to take it or let it alone a frenchman never is mons dessein made me a bow cest bien vrai said he but in this case i should only exchange one disquietude for another and with loss figure to yourself my dear sir that in giving you a chaise which would fall to pieces before you had got half way to paris figure to yourself how much i should suffer in giving an ill impression of myself to a man of honour and lying at the mercy as i must do dun homme desprit the dose was made up exactly after my own prescription so i could not help tasting it and returning mons dessein his bow without more casuistry we walkd together towards his remise to take a view of his magazine of chaises in the street calais it must needs be a hostile kind of a world when the buyer cannot go forth with the seller thereof into the street to terminate the difference betwixt them but he instantly falls into the same frame of mind and views his conventionist with the same sort of eye as if he was going along with him to hyde park corner to fight a duel for my own part being but a poor swordsman and no way a match for monsieur dessein i felt the rotation of all the movements within me to which the situation is incident i looked at monsieur dessein through and through eyed him as he walkd along in profile then en face thought like a jew then a turk disliked his wig cursed him by my gods wished him at the devil and is all this to be lighted up in the heart for a beggarly account of three or four louis dors which is the most i can be overreached in base passion said i turning myself about as a man naturally does upon a sudden reverse of sentiment base ungentle passion thy hand is against every man and every mans hand against thee heaven forbid said she raising her hand up to her forehead for i had turned full in front upon the lady whom i had seen in conference with the monk she had followed us unperceived heaven forbid indeed said i offering her my own she had a black pair of silk gloves open only at the thumb and two fore fingers so accepted it without reserve and i led her up to the door of the remise monsieur dessein had diabled the key above fifty times before he had found out he had come with a wrong one in his hand we were as impatient as himself to have it opened and so attentive to the obstacle that i continued holding her hand almost without knowing it so that monsieur dessein left us together with her hand in mine and with our faces turned towards the door of the remise and said he would be back in five minutes now a colloquy of five minutes in such a situation is worth one of as many ages with your faces turned towards the street in the latter case tis drawn from the objects and occurrences without when your eyes are fixed upon a dead blank you draw purely from yourselves a silence of a single moment upon mons desseins leaving us had been fatal to the situation she had infallibly turned about so i begun the conversation instantly but what were the temptations shall be described with the same simplicity with which i felt them the remise door calais when i told the reader that i did not care to get out of the dsobligeant because i saw the monk in close conference with a lady just arrived at the inn i told him the truth but i did not tell him the whole truth for i was as full as much restrained by the appearance and figure of the lady he was talking to suspicion crossed my brain and said he was telling her what had passed something jarred upon it within me i wished him at his convent when the heart flies out before the understanding it saves the judgment a world of pains i was certain she was of a better order of beings however i thought no more of her but went on and wrote my preface the impression returned upon my encounter with her in the street a guarded frankness with which she gave me her hand showed i thought her good education and her good sense and as i led her on i felt a pleasurable ductility about her which spread a calmness over all my spirits good god how a man might lead such a creature as this round the world with him i had not yet seen her face twas not material for the drawing was instantly set about and long before we had got to the door of the remise fancy had finished the whole head and pleased herself as much with its fitting her goddess as if she had dived into the tiber for it but thou art a seduced and a seducing slut and albeit thou cheatest us seven times a day with thy pictures and images yet with so many charms dost thou do it and thou deckest out thy pictures in the shapes of so many angels of light tis a shame to break with thee when we had got to the door of the remise she withdrew her hand from across her forehead and let me see the original it was a face of about six and twenty of a clear transparent brown simply set off without rouge or powder it was not critically handsome but there was that in it which in the frame of mind i was in attached me much more to it it was interesting i fancied it wore the characters of a widowd look and in that state of its declension which had passed the two first paroxysms of sorrow and was quietly beginning to reconcile itself to its loss but a thousand other distresses might have traced the same lines i wishd to know what they had been and was ready to inquire what ailelh thee and why art thou disquieted and why is thy understanding troubled in a word i felt benevolence for her and resolvd some way or other to throw in my mite of courtesy if not of service such were my temptations and in this disposition to give way to them was i left alone with the lady with her hand in mine and with our faces both turned closer to the door of the remise than what was absolutely necessary the remise door calais this certainly fair lady said i raising her hand up little lightly as i began must be one of fortunes whimsical doings to take two utter strangers by their hands of different sexes and perhaps from different corners of the globe and in one moment place them together in such a cordial situation as friendship herself could scarce have achieved for them had she projected it for a month and your reflection upon it shows how much monsieur she has embarrassed you by the adventure when the situation is what we would wish nothing is so ill timed as to hint at the circumstances which make it so you thank fortune continued she you had reason the heart knew it and was satisfied and who but an english philosopher would have sent notice of it to the brain to reverse the judgment in saying this she disengaged her hand with a look which i thought a sufficient commentary upon the text it is a miserable picture which i am going to give of the weakness of my heart by owning that it suffered a pain which worthier occasions could not have inflicted i was mortified with the loss of her hand and the manner in which i had lost it carried neither oil nor wine to the wound i never felt the pain of a sheepish inferiority so miserably in my life the triumphs of a true feminine heart are short upon these discomfitures in a very few seconds she laid her hand upon the cuff of my coat in order to finish her reply so some way or other god knows how i regained my situation she had nothing to add i forthwith began to model a different conversation for the lady thinking from the spirit as well as moral of this that i had been mistaken in her character but upon turning her face towards me the spirit which had animated the reply was fled the muscles relaxed and i beheld the same unprotected look of distress which first won me to her interest melancholy to see such sprightliness the prey of sorrow i pitied her from my soul and though it may seem ridiculous enough to a torpid heart i could have taken her into my arms and cherished her though it was in the open street without brushing the pulsations of the arteries along my fingers pressing across hers told her what was passing within me she looked down a silence of some moments followed i fear in this interval i must have made some slight efforts towards a closer compression of her hand from a subtle sensation i felt in the palm of my own not as if she was going to withdraw hers but as if she thought about it and i had infallibly lost it a second time had not instinct more than reason directed me to the last resource in these dangers to hold it loosely and in a manner as if i was every moment going to release it of myself so she let it continue till monsieur dessein returned with the key and in the mean time i set myself to consider how i should undo the ill impressions which the poor monks story in case he had told it her must have planted in her breast against me the snuff box calais the good old monk was within six paces of us as the idea of him crossed my mind and was advancing towards us a little out of the line as if uncertain whether he should break in upon us or no he stoppd however as soon as he came up to us with a world of frankness and having a horn snuff box in his hand he presented it open to me you shall taste mine said i pulling out my box and putting it into his hand tis most excellent said the monk then do me the favour i replied to accept of the box and all and when you take a pinch out of it sometimes recollect it was the peace offering of a man who once used you unkindly but not from his heart the poor monk blushd as red as scarlet mon dieu said he pressing his hands together you never used me unkindly i should think said the lady he is not likely i blushd in my turn but from what movements i leave to the few who feel to analyze excuse me madame replied i i treated him most unkindly and from no provocations tis impossible said the lady my god cried the monk with a warmth of asseveration which seemd not to belong to him the fault was in me and in the indiscretion of my zeal the lady opposed it and i joined with her in maintaining it was impossible that a spirit so regulated as his could give offence to any i knew not that contention could be rendered so sweet and pleasurable a thing to the nerves as i then felt it we remained silent without any sensation of that foolish pain which takes place when in such a circle you look for ten minutes in one anothers faces without saying a word whilst this lasted the monk rubbed his horn box upon the sleeve of his tunic and as soon as it had acquired a little air of brightness by the friction he made me a low bow and said twas too late to say whether it was the weakness or goodness of our tempers which had involved us in this contest but be it as it would he beggd we might exchange boxes in saying this he presented his to me with one hand as he took mine from me in the other and having kissed it with a stream of good nature in his eyes he put it into his bosom and took his leave i guard this box as i would the instrumental parts of my religion to help my mind on to something better in truth i seldom go abroad without it and oft and many a time have i called up by it the courteous spirit of its owner to regulate my own in the justlings of the world they had found full employment for his as i learnt from his story till about the forty fifth year of his age when upon some military services ill requited and meeting at the same time with a disappointment in the tenderest of passions he abandoned the sword and the sex together and took sanctuary not so much in his convent as in himself i feel a damp upon my spirits as i am going to add that in my last return through calais upon enquiring after father lorenzo i heard he had been dead near three months and was buried not in his convent but according to his desire in a little cemetery belonging to it about two leagues off i had a strong desire to see where they had laid him when upon pulling out his little horn box as i sat by his grave and plucking up a nettle or two at the head of it which had no business to grow there they all struck together so forcibly upon my affections that i burst into a flood of tears but i am as weak as a woman and i beg the world not to smile but to pity me the remise door calais i had never quitted the ladys hand all this time and had held it so long that it would have been indecent to have let it go without first pressing it to my lips the blood and spirits which had suffered a revulsion from her crowded back to her as i did it now the two travellers who had spoke to me in the coach yard happening at that crisis to be passing by and observing our communications naturally took it into their heads that we must be man and wife at least so stopping as soon as they came up to the door of the remise the one of them who was the inquisitive traveller askd us if we set out for paris the next morning i could only answer for myself i said and the lady added she was for amiens we dined there yesterday said the simple traveller you go directly through the town added the other in your road to paris i was going to return a thousand thanks for the intelligence that amiens was in the road to paris but upon pulling out my poor monks little horn box to take a pinch of snuff i made them a quiet bow and wishing them a good passage to dover they left us alone now where would be the harm said i to myself if i were to beg of this distressed lady to accept of half of my chaise and what mighty mischief could ensue every dirty passion and bad propensity in my nature took the alarm as i stated the proposition it will oblige you to have a third horse said avarice which will put twenty livres out of your pocket you know not what she is said caution or what scrapes the affair may draw you into whisperd cowardice depend upon it yorick said discretion twill be said you went off with a mistress and came by assignation to calais for that purpose you can never after cried hypocrisy aloud show your face in the world or rise quoth meanness in the church or be any thing in it said pride but a lousy prebendary but tis a civil thing said i and as i generally act from the first impulse and therefore seldom listen to these cabals which serve no purpose that i know of but to encompass the heart with adamant i turned instantly about to the lady but she had glided off unperceived as the cause was pleading and had made ten or a dozen paces down the street by the time i had made the determination so i set off after her with a long stride to make her the proposal with the best address i was master of but observing she walkd with her cheek half resting upon the palm of her hand with the slow short measurd step of thoughtfulness and with her eyes as she went step by step fixed upon the ground it struck me she was trying the same cause herself god help her said i she has some mother in law or tartufish aunt or nonsensical old woman to consult upon the occasion as well as myself so not caring to interrupt the process and deeming it more gallant to take her at discretion than by surprise i faced about and took a short turn or two before the door of the remise whilst she walkd musing on one side in the street calais having on the first sight of the lady settled the affair in my fancy that she was of the better order of beings and then laid it down as a second axiom as indisputable as the first that she was a widow and wore a character of distress i went no further i got ground enough for the situation which pleased me and had she remained close beside my elbow till midnight i should have held true to my system and considered her only under that general idea she had scarce got twenty paces distant from me ere something within me called out for a more particular enquiry it brought on the idea of a further separation i might possibly never see her more the heart is for saving what it can and i wanted the traces through which my wishes might find their way to her in case i should never rejoin her myself in a word i wished to know her name her familys her condition and as i knew the place to which she was going i wanted to know from whence she came but there was no coming at all this intelligence a hundred little delicacies stood in the way i formd a score different plans there was no such thing as a mans asking her directly the thing was impossible a little french dbonnaire captain who came dancing down the street showed me it was the easiest thing in the world for popping in betwixt us just as the lady was returning back to the door of the remise he introduced himself to my acquaintance and before he had well got announced beggd i would do him the honour to present him to the lady i had not been presented myself so turning about to her he did it just as well by asking her if she had come from paris no she was going that route she said vous ntes pas de londres she was not she replied then madame must have come through flanders apparemment vous tes flammande said the french captain the lady answered she was peut tre de lisle added he she said she was not of lisle nor arras nor cambray nor ghent nor brussels she answered she was of brussels he had had the honour he said to be at the bombardment of it last war that it was finely situated pour cela and full of noblesse when the imperialists were driven out by the french so giving her an account of the affair and of the share he had had in it he beggd the honour to know her name so made his bow et madame a son mari said he looking back when he had made two steps and without staying for an answer danced down the street had i served seven years apprenticeship to good breeding i could not have done as much the remise calais as the little french captain left us mons dessein came up with the key of the remise in his hand and forthwith let us into his magazine of chaises the first object which caught my eye as mons dessein opend the door of the remise was another old tatterd dsobligeant and notwithstanding it was the exact picture of that which had hit my fancy so much in the coach yard but an hour before the very sight of it stirrd up a disagreeable sensation within me now and i thought twas a churlish beast into whose heart the idea could first enter to construct such a machine nor had i much more charity for the man who could think of using it i observed the lady was as little taken with it as myself so mons dessein led us on to a couple of chaises which stood abreast telling us as he recommended them that they had been purchased by my lord a and b to go the grand tour but had gone no further than paris so were in all respects as good as new they were too good so i passd on to a third which stood behind and forthwith begun to chaffer for the price but twill scarce hold two said i opening the door and getting in have the goodness madame said mons dessein offering his arm to step in the lady hesitated half a second and stepped in and the waiter that moment beckoning to speak to mon dessein he shut the door of the chaise upon us and left us the remise calais cest bien comique tis very droll said the lady smiling from the reflection that this was the second time we a had been left together by a parcel of nonsensical contingencies cest bien comique said she there wants nothing said i to make it so but the comic use which the gallantry of a frenchman would put it to to make love the first moment and an offer of his person the second tis their fort replied the lady it is supposed so at least and how it has come to pass continued i i know not but they have certainly got the credit of understanding more of love and making it better than any other nation upon earth but for my own part i think them arrant bunglers and in truth the worst set of marksmen that ever tried cupids patience to think of making love by sentiments i should as soon think of making a genteel suit of clothes out of remnants and to do it pop at first sight by declaration is submitting the offer and themselves with it to be sifted with all their pours and contres by an unheated mind the lady attended as if she expected i should go on consider then madame continued i laying my hand upon hers that grave people hate love for the names sake that selfish people hate it for their own hypocrites for heavens and that all of us both old and young being ten times worse frightened than hurt by the very report what a want of knowledge in this branch of commence a man betrays whoever lets the word come out of his lips till an hour or two at least after the time that his silence upon it becomes tormenting a course of small quiet attentions not so pointed as to alarm nor so vague as to be misunderstood with now and then a look of kindness and little or nothing said upon it leaves nature for your mistress and she fashions it to her mind then i solemnly declare said the lady blushing you have been making love to me all this while the remise calais monsieur dessein came back to let us out of the chaise and acquaint the lady the count de l her brother was just arrived at the hotel though i had infinite good will for the lady i cannot say that i rejoiced in my heart at the event and could not help telling her so for it is fatal to a proposal madame said i that i was going to make to you you need not tell me what the proposal was said she laying her hand upon both mine as she interrupted me a man my good sir has seldom an offer of kindness to make to a woman but she has a presentiment of it some moments before nature arms her with it said i for immediate preservation but i think said she looking in my face i had no evil to apprehend and to deal frankly with you had determined to accept it if i had i believe your good will would have drawn a story from me which would have made pity the only dangerous thing in the journey in saying this she suffered me to kiss her hand twice and with a look of sensibility mixed with concern she got out of the chaise and bid adieu in the street calais i never finished a twelve guinea bargain so expeditiously in my life my time seemed heavy upon the loss of the lady and knowing every moment of it would be as two till i put myself into motion i ordered post horses directly and walked towards the hotel lord said i hearing the town clock strike four and recollecting that i had been little more than a single hour in calais what a large volume of adventures may be grasped within this little span of life by him who interests his heart in every thing and who having eyes to see what time and chance are perpetually holding out to him as he journeyeth on his way misses nothing he can fairly lay his hands on if this wont turn out something another will no matter tis an assay upon human nature i get my labour for my pains tis enough the pleasure of the experiment has kept my senses and the best part of my blood awake and laid the gross to sleep i pity the man who can travel from dan to beersheba and cry tis all barren and so it is and so is all the world to him who will not cultivate the fruits it offers i declare said i clapping my hands cheerily together that were i in a desert i would find out wherewith in it to call forth my affections if i could not do better i would fasten them upon some sweet myrtle or seek some melancholy cypress to connect myself to i would court their shade and greet them kindly for their protection i would cut my name upon them and swear they were the loveliest trees throughout the desert if their leaves witherd i would teach myself to mourn and when they rejoiced i would rejoice along with them the learned smelfungus travelled from boulogne to paris from paris to rome and so on but he set out with the spleen and jaundice and every object he passd by was discoloured or distorted he wrote an account of them but twas nothing but the account of his miserable feelings i met smelfungus in the grand portico of the pantheon he was just coming out of it tis nothing but a huge cockpit said he i wish you had said nothing worse of the venus of medicis replied i for in passing through florence i had heard he had fallen foul upon the goddess and used her worse than a common strumpet without the least provocation in nature i poppd upon smelfungus again at turin in his return home and a sad tale of sorrowful adventures had he to tell wherein he spoke of moving accidents by flood and field and of the cannibals that each other eat the anthropophagi he had been flayed alive and bedevild and used worse than st bartholomew at every stage he had come at ill tell it cried smelfungus to the world you had better tell it said i to your physician mundungus with an immense fortune made the whole tour going on from rome to naples from naples to venice from venice to vienna to dresden to berlin without one generous connection or pleasurable anecdote to tell of but he had travelld straight on looking neither to his right hand nor his left lest love or pity should seduce him out of his road peace be to them if it is to be found but heaven itself were it possible to get there with such tempers would want objects to give it every gentle spirit would come flying upon the wings of love to hail their arrival nothing would the souls of smelfungus and mundungus hear of but fresh anthems of joy fresh raptures of love and fresh congratulations of their common felicity i heartily pity them they have brought up no faculties for this work and were the happiest mansion in heaven to be allotted to smelfungus and mundungus they would be so far from being happy that the souls of smelfungus and mundungus would do penance there to all eternity montreuil i had once lost my portmanteau from behind my chaise and twice got out in the rain and one of the times up to the knees in dirt to help the postilion to tie it on without being able to find out what was wanting nor was it till i got to montreuil upon the landlords asking me if i wanted not a servant that it occurred to me that that was the very thing a servant that i do most sadly quoth i because monsieur said the landlord there is a clever young fellow who would be very proud of the honour to serve an englishman but why an english one more than any other they are so generous said the landlord ill be shot if this is not a livre out of my pocket quoth i to myself this very night but they have wherewithal to be so monsieur added he set down one livre more for that quoth i it was but last night said the landlord quun milord anglois prsentoit un cu la fille de chambre tant pis pour mademoiselle janatone said i now janatone being the landlords daughter and the landlord supposing i was young in french took the liberty to inform me i should not have said tant pis but tant mieux tant mieux toujours monsieur said he when there is any thing to be got tant pis when there is nothing it comes to the same thing said i pardonnez moi said the landlord i cannot take a fitter opportunity to observe once for all that tant pis and tant mieux being two of the great hinges in french conversation a stranger would do well to set himself right in the use of them before he gets to paris a prompt french marquis at our ambassadors table demanded of mr h if he was h the poet no said mr h mildly tant pis replied the marquis it is h the historian said another tant mieux said the marquis and mr h who is a man of an excellent heart returnd thanks for both when the landlord had set me right in this matter he called in la fleur which was the name of the young man he had spoke of saying only first that as for his talents he would presume to say nothing monsieur was the best judge what would suit him but for the fidelity of la fleur he would stand responsible in all he was worth the landlord deliverd this in a manner which instantly set my mind to the business i was upon and la fleur who stood waiting without in that breathless expectation which every son of nature of us have felt in our turns came in montreuil i am apt to be taken with all kinds of people at first sight but never more so than when a poor devil comes to offer his service to so poor a devil as myself and as i know this weakness i always suffer my judgment to draw back something on that very account and this more or less according to the mood i am in and the case and i may add the gender too of the person i am to govern when la fleur entered the room after every discount i could make for my soul the genuine look and air of the fellow determined the matter at once in his favour so i hired him first and then began to enquire what he could do but i shall find out his talents quoth i as i want them besides a frenchman can do every thing now poor la fleur could do nothing in the world but beat a drum and play a march or two upon the fife i was determined to make his talents do and cant say my weakness was ever so insulted by my wisdom as in the attempt la fleur had set out early in life as gallantly as most frenchmen do with serving for a few years at the end of which having satisfied the sentiment and found moreover that the honour of beating a drum was likely to be its own reward as it opend no further track of glory to him he retired ses terres and lived comme il plaisoit dieu that is to say upon nothing and so quoth wisdom you have hired a drummer to attend you in this tour of yours through france and italy psha said i and do not one half of our gentry go with a humdrum compagnon du voyage the same round and have the piper and the devil and all to pay besides when man can extricate himself with an quivoque in such an unequal match he is not ill off but you can do something else la fleur said i o quoui he could make spatterdashes and play a little upon the fiddle bravo said wisdom why i play a bass myself said i we shall do very well you can shave and dress a wig a little la fleur he had all the dispositions in the world it is enough for heaven said i interrupting him and ought to be enough for me so supper coming in and having a frisky english spaniel on one side of my chair and a french valet with as much hilarity in his countenance as ever nature painted in one on the other i was satisfied to my hearts content with my empire and if monarchs knew what they would be at they might be as satisfied as i was montreuil as la fleur went the whole tour of france and italy with me and will be often upon the stage i must interest the reader a little further in his behalf by saying that i had never less reason to repent of the impulses which generally do determine me than in regard to this fellow he was a faithful affectionate simple soul as ever trudged after the heels of a philosopher and notwithstanding his talents of drum beating and spatterdash making which though very good in themselves happened to be of no great service to me yet was i hourly recompensed by the festivity of his temper it supplied all defects i had a constant resource in his looks in all difficulties and distresses of my own i was going to have added of his too but la fleur was out of the reach of every thing for whether twas hunger or thirst or cold or nakedness or watchings or whatever stripes of ill luck la fleur met with in our journeyings there was no index in his physiognomy to point them out by he was eternally the same so that if i am a piece of a philosopher which satan now and then puts it into my head i am it always mortifies the pride of the conceit by reflecting how much i owe to the complexional philosophy of this poor fellow for shaming me into one of a better kind with all this la fleur had a small cast of the coxcomb but he seemed at first sight to be more a coxcomb of nature than of art and before i had been three days in paris with him he seemed to be no coxcomb at all montreuil the next morning la fleur entering upon his employment i delivered to him the key of my portmanteau with an inventory of my half a dozen shirts and silk pair of breeches and bid him fasten all upon the chaise get the horses put to and desire the landlord to come in with his bill cest un garcon de bonne fortune said the landlord pointing through the window to half a dozen wenches who had got round about la fleur and were most kindly taking their leave of him as the postilion was leading out the horses la fleur kissed all their hands round and round again and thrice he wiped his eyes and thrice he promised he would bring them all pardons from rome the young fellow said the landlord is beloved by all the town and there is scarce a corner in montreuil where the want of him will not be felt he has but one misfortune in the world continued he he is always in love i am heartily glad of it said i twill save me the trouble every night of putting my breeches under my head in saying this i was making not so much la fleurs eloge as my own having been in love with one princess or another almost all my life and i hope i shall go on so till i die being firmly persuaded that if ever i do a mean action it must be in some interval betwixt one passion and another whilst this interregnum lasts i always perceive my heart locked up i can scarce find in it to give misery a sixpence and therefore i always get out of it as fast as i can and the moment i am rekindled i am all generosity and good will again and would do anything in the world either for or with any one if they will but satisfy me there is no sin in it but in saying this sure i am commanding the passion not myself a fragment the town of abdera notwithstanding democritus lived there trying all the powers of irony and laughter to reclaim it was the vilest and most profligate town in all thrace what for poisons conspiracies and assassinations libels pasquinades and tumults there was no going there by day twas worse by night now when things were at the worst it came to pass that the andromeda of euripides being represented at abdera the whole orchestra was delighted with it but of all the passages which delighted them nothing operated more upon their imaginations than the tender strokes of nature which the poet had wrought up in that pathetic speech of perseus o cupid prince of gods and men c every man almost spoke pure iambics the next day and talked of nothing but perseus his pathetic address o cupid prince of gods and men in every street of abdera in every house o cupid cupid in every mouth like the natural notes of some sweet melody which drop from it whether it will or no nothing but cupid cupid prince of gods and men the fire caught and the whole city like the heart of one man opend itself to love no pharmacopolist could sell one grain of hellebore not a single armourer had a heart to forge one instrument of death friendship and virtue met together and kissd each other in the street the golden age returned and hung over the town of abdera every abderite took his eaten pipe and every abderitish woman left her purple web and chastely sat her down and listened to the song twas only in the power says the fragment of the god whose empire extendeth from heaven to earth and even to the depths of the sea to have done this montreuil when all is ready and every article is disputed and paid for in the inn unless you are a little sourd by the adventure there is always a matter to compound at the door before you can get into your chaise and that is with the sons and daughters of poverty who surround you let no man say let them go to the devil tis a cruel journey to send a few miserables and they have had sufferings enow without it i always think it better to take a few sous out in my hand and i would counsel every gentle traveller to do so likewise he need not be so exact in setting down his motives for giving them they will be registered elsewhere for my own part there is no man gives so little as i do for few that i know have so little to give but as this was the first public act of my charity in france i took the more notice of it a well a way said i i have but eight sous in the world showing them in my hand and there are eight poor men and eight poor women for em a poor tatterd soul without a shirt on instantly withdrew his claim by retiring two steps out of the circle and making a disqualifying bow on his part had the whole parterre cried out place aux dames with one voice it would not have conveyed the sentiment of a deference for the sex with half the effect just heaven for what wise reasons hast thou ordered it that beggary and urbanity which are at such variance in other countries should find a way to be at unity in this i insisted upon presenting him with a single sous merely for his politesse a poor little dwarfish brisk fellow who stood over against me in the circle putting something first under his arm which had once been a hat took his snuff box out of his pocket and generously offerd a pinch on both sides of him it was a gift of consequence and modestly declined the poor little fellow pressed it upon them with a nod of welcomeness prenez en prenez said he looking another way so they each took a pinch pity thy box should ever want one said i to myself so i put a couple of sous into it taking a small pinch out of his box to enhance their value as i did it he felt the weight of the second obligation more than of the first twas doing him an honour the other was only doing him a charity and he made me a bow down to the ground for it here said i to an old soldier with one hand who had been campaigned and worn out to death in the service heres a couple of sous for thee vive le roi said the old soldier i had then but three sous left so i gave one simply pour lamour de dieu which was the footing on which it was beggd the poor woman had a dislocated hip so it could not be well upon any other motive mon cher et trs charitable monsieur theres no opposing this said i milord anglois the very sound was worth the money so i gave my last sous for it but in the eagerness of giving i had overlooked a pauvre honteux who had had no one to ask a sous for him and who i believe would have perished ere he could have askd one for himself he stood by the chaise a little without the circle and wiped a tear from a face which i thought had seen better days good god said i and i have not one single sous left to give him but you have a thousand cried all the powers of nature stirring within me so i gave him no matter what i am ashamed to say how much now and was ashamed to think how little then so if the reader can form any conjecture of my disposition as these two fixed points are given him he may judge within a livre or two what was the precise sum i could afford nothing for the rest but dieu vous bnisse et le bon dieu vous bnisse encore said the old soldier the dwarf c the pauvre honteux could say nothing he pulld out a little handkerchief and wiped his face as he turned away and i thought he thanked me more than them all the bidet having settled all these little matters i got into my post chaise with more ease than ever i got into a post chaise in my life and la fleur having got one large jack boot on the far side of a little bidet and another on this he canterd away before me as happy and as perpendicular as a prince but what is happiness what is grandeur in this painted scene of life a dead ass before we had got a league put a sudden stop to la fleurs career his bidet would not pass by it a contention arose betwixt them and the poor fellow was kickd out of his jack boots the very first kick la fleur bore his fall like a french christian saying neither more nor less upon it than diable so presently got up and came to the charge again astride his bidet beating him up to it as he would have beat his drum the bidet flew from one side of the road to the other then back again then this way then that way and in short every way but by the dead ass la fleur insisted upon the thing and the bidet threw him whats the matter la fleur said i with this bidet of thine monsieur said he cest un cheval le plus opinitre du monde nay if he is a conceited beast he must go his own way replied i so la fleur got off him and giving him a good sound lash the bidet took me at my word and away he scampered back to montreuil peste said la fleur it is not mal propos to take notice here that though la fleur availed himself but of two different terms of exclamation in this encounter namely diable and peste that there are nevertheless three in the french language like the positive comparative and superlative one or the other of which serves for every unexpected throw of the dice in life le diable which is the first and positive degree is generally used upon ordinary emotions of the mind where small things only fall out contrary to your expectations such as the throwing once doublets la fleurs being kickd off his horse and so forth cuckoldom for the same reason is always le diable but in cases where the cast has something provoking in it as in that of the bidets running away after and leaving la fleur aground in jack boots tis the second degree tis then peste and for the third but here my heart is wrung with pity and fellow feeling when i reflect what miseries must have been their lot and how bitterly so refined a people must have smarted to have forced them upon the use of it grant me o ye powers which touch the tongue with eloquence in distress what ever is my cast grant me but decent words to exclaim in and i will give my nature way but as these were not to be had in france i resolved to take every evil just as it befell me without any exclamation at all la fleur who had made no such covenant with himself followed the bidet with his eyes till it was got out of sight and then you may imagine if you please with what word he closed the whole affair as there was no hunting down a frightened horse in jack boots there remained no alternative but taking la fleur either behind the chaise or into it i preferred the latter and in half an hour we got to the post house at nampont nampont the dead ass and this said he putting the remains of a crust into his wallet and this should have been thy portion said he hadst thou been alive to have shared it with me i thought by the accent it had been an apostrophe to his child but twas to his ass and to the very ass we had seen dead in the road which had occasioned la fleurs misadventure the man seemed to lament it much and it instantly brought into my mind sanchos lamentation for his but he did it with more true touches of nature the mourner was sitting upon a stone bench at the door with the asss pannel and its bridle on one side which he took up from time to time then laid them down lookd at them and shook his head he then took his crust of bread out of his wallet again as if to eat it held it some time in his hand then laid it upon the bit of his asss bridle looked wistfully at the little arrangement he had made and then gave a sigh the simplicity of his grief drew numbers about him and la fleur amongst the rest whilst the horses were getting ready as i continued sitting in the post chaise i could see and hear over their heads he said he had come last from spain where he had been from the furthest borders of franconia and had got so far on his return home when his ass died every one seemed desirous to know what business could have taken so old and poor a man so far a journey from his own home it had pleased heaven he said to bless him with three sons the finest lads in germany but having in one week lost two of the eldest of them by the small pox and the youngest falling ill of the same distemper he was afraid of being bereft of them all and made a vow if heaven would not take him from him also he would go in gratitude to st iago in spain when the mourner got thus far on his story he stoppd to pay nature her tribute and wept bitterly he said heaven had accepted the conditions and that he had set out from his cottage with this poor creature who had been a patient partner of his journey that it had eaten the same bread with him all the way and was unto him as a friend every body who stood about heard the poor fellow with concern la fleur offered him money the mourner said he did not want it it was not the value of the ass but the loss of him the ass he said he was assured loved him and upon this told them a long story of a mischance upon their passage over the pyrenean mountains which had separated them from each other three days during which time the ass had sought him as much as he had sought the ass and that they had scarce either eaten or drank till they met thou hast one comfort friend said i at least in the loss of thy poor beast im sure thou hast been a merciful master to him alas said the mourner i thought so when he was alive but now that he is dead i think otherwise i fear the weight of myself and my afflictions together have been too much for him they have shortened the poor creatures days and i fear i have them to answer for shame on the world said i to myself did we but love each other as this poor soul loved his ass twould be something nampont the postilion the concern which the poor fellows story threw me into required some attention the postilion paid not the least to it but set off upon the pav in a full gallop the thirstiest soul in the most sandy desert of arabia could not have wished more for a cup of cold water than mine did for grave and quiet movements and i should have had an high opinion of the postilion had he but stolen off with me in something like a pensive pace on the contrary as the mourner finished his lamentation the fellow gave an unfeeling lash to each of his beasts and set off clattering like a thousand devils i called to him as loud as i could for heavens sake to go slower and the louder i called the more unmercifully he galloped the deuce take him and his galloping too said i hell go on tearing my nerves to pieces till he has worked me into a foolish passion and then hell go slow that i may enjoy the sweets of it the postilion managed the point to a miracle by the time he had got to the foot of a steep hill about half a league from nampont he had put me out of temper with him and then with myself for being so my case then required a different treatment and a good rattling gallop would have been of real service to me then prithee get on get on my good lad said i the postilion pointed to the hill i then tried to return back to the story of the poor german and his ass but i had broke the clue and could no more get into it again than the postilion could into a trot the deuce go said i with it all here am i sitting as candidly disposed to make the best of the worst as ever wight was and all runs counter there is one sweet lenitive at least for evils which nature holds out to us so i took it kindly at her hands and fell asleep and the first word which roused me was amiens bless me said i rubbing my eyes this is the very town where my poor lady is to come amiens the words were scarce out of my mouth when the count de l s post chaise with his sister in it drove hastily by she had just time to make me a bow of recognition and of that particular kind of it which told me she had not yet done with me she was as good as her look for before i had quite finished my supper her brothers servant came into the room with a billet in which she said she had taken the liberty to charge me with a letter which i was to present myself to madame r the first morning i had nothing to do at paris there was only added she was sorry but from what penchant she had not considered that she had been prevented telling me her story that she still owed it to me and if my route should ever lay through brussels and i had not by then forgot the name of madame de l that madame de l would be glad to discharge her obligation then i will meet thee said i fair spirit at brussels tis only returning from italy through germany to holland by the route of flanders home twill scarce be ten posts out of my way but were it ten thousand with what a moral delight will it crown my journey in sharing in the sickening incidents of a tale of misery told to me by such a sufferer to see her weep and though i cannot dry up the fountain of her tears what an exquisite sensation is there still left in wiping them away from off the cheeks of the first and fairest of women as im sitting with my handkerchief in my hand in silence the whole night beside her there was nothing wrong in the sentiment and yet i instantly reproached my heart with it in the bitterest and most reprobate of expressions it had ever as i told the reader been one of the singular blessings of my life to be almost every hour of it miserably in love with some one and my last flame happening to be blown out by a whiff of jealousy on the sudden turn of a corner i had lighted it up afresh at the pure taper of eliza but about three months before swearing as i did it that it should last me through the whole journey why should i dissemble the matter i had sworn to her eternal fidelity she had a right to my whole heart to divide my affections was to lessen them to expose them was to risk them where there is risk there may be loss and what wilt thou have yorick to answer to a heart so full of trust and confidence so good so gentle and unreproaching i will not go to brussels replied i interrupting myself but my imagination went on i recalled her looks at that crisis of our separation when neither of us had power to say adieu i lookd at the picture she had tied in a black riband about my neck and blushd as i lookd at it i would have given the world to have kissd it but was ashamed and shall this tender flower said i pressing it between my hands shall it be smitten to its very root and smitten yorick by thee who hast promised to shelter it in thy breast eternal fountain of happiness said i kneeling down upon the ground be thou my witness and every pure spirit which tastes it be my witness also that i would not travel to brussels unless eliza went along with me did the road lead me towards heaven in transports of this kind the heart in spite of the understanding will always say too much the letter amiens fortune had not smiled upon la fleur for he had been unsuccessful in his feats of chivalry and not one thing had offered to signalise his zeal for my service from the time that he had entered into it which was almost four and twenty hours the poor soul burnd with impatience and the count de l s servant coming with the letter being the first practicable occasion which offerd la fleur had laid hold of it and in order to do honour to his master had taken him into a back parlour in the auberge and treated him with a cup or two of the best wine in picardy and the count de l s servant in return and not to be behindhand in politeness with la fleur had taken him back with him to the counts hotel la fleurs prevenancy soon set every servant in the kitchen at ease with him and as a frenchman whatever be his talents has no sort of prudery in showing them la fleur in less than five minutes had pulled out his fife and leading off the dance himself with the first note set the fille de chambre the matre dhtel the cook the scullion and all the house hold dogs and cats besides an old monkey a dancing i suppose there never was a merrier kitchen since the flood madame de l in passing from her brothers apartments to her own hearing so much jollity below stairs rung up her fille de chambre to ask about it and hearing it was the english gentlemans servant who had set the whole house merry with his pipe she ordered him up as the poor fellow could not present himself empty he had loaded himself in going up stairs with a thousand compliments to madame de l on the part of his master added a long apocrypha of inquiries after madame de l s health told her that monsieur his master was au dsespoire for her re establishment from the fatigues of her journey and to close all that monsieur had received the letter which madame had done him the honour and he has done me the honour said madame de l interrupting la fleur to send a billet in return madame de l had said this with such a tone of reliance upon the fact that la fleur had not power to disappoint her expectations he trembled for my honour and possibly might not altogether be unconcerned for his own as a man capable of being attached to a master who could be wanting en gards vis vis dune femme so that when madame de l asked la fleur if he had brought a letter o quoui said la fleur so laying down his hat upon the ground and taking hold of the flap of his right side pocket with his left hand he began to search for the letter with his right then contrariwise diable then sought every pocket pocket by pocket round not forgetting his fob peste then la fleur emptied them upon the floor pulled out a dirty cravat a handkerchief a comb a whip lash a nightcap then gave a peep into his hat quelle tourderie he had left the letter upon the table in the auberge he would run for it and be back with it in three minutes i had just finished my supper when la fleur came in to give me an account of his adventure he told the whole story simply as it was and only added that if monsieur had forgot to answer madames letter the arrangement gave him an opportunity to recover the faux pas and if not that things were only as they were now i was not altogether sure of my tiquette whether i ought to have wrote or no but if i had a devil himself could not have been angry twas but the officious zeal of a well meaning creature for my honour and however he might have mistook the road or embarrassed me in so doing his heart was in no fault i was under no necessity to write and what weighed more than all he did not look as if he had done amiss tis all very well la fleur said i twas sufficient la fleur flew out of the room like lightning and returned with pen ink and paper in his hand and coming up to the table laid them close before me with such a delight in his countenance that i could not help taking up the pen i began and began again and though i had nothing to say and that nothing might have been expressed in half a dozen lines i made half a dozen different beginnings and could no way please myself in short i was in no mood to write la fleur steppd out and brought a little water in a glass to dilute my ink then fetchd sand and seal wax it was all one i wrote and blotted and tore off and burnt and wrote again le diable lemporte said i half to myself i cannot write this self same letter throwing the pen down despairingly as i said it as soon as i had cast down my pen la fleur advanced with the most respectful carriage up to the table and making a thousand apologies for the liberty he was going to take told me he had a letter in his pocket wrote by a drummer in his regiment to a corporals wife which he durst say would suit the occasion i had a mind to let the poor fellow have his humour then prithee said i let me see it la fleur instantly pulled out a little dirty pocket book crammd full of small letters and billet doux in a sad condition and laying it upon the table and then untying the string which held them all together run them over one by one till he came to the letter in question la voila said he clapping his hands so unfolding it first he laid it open before me and retired three steps from the table whilst i read it the letter madame je suis pntr de la douleur la plus vive et rduit en mme temps au dsespoir par ce retour imprv du caporal qui rend notre entreve de ce soir la chose du monde la plus impossible mais vive la joie et toute la mienne sera de penser vous lamour nest rien sans sentiment et le sentiment est encore moins sans amour on dit quon ne doit jamais se dsesperr on dit aussi que monsieur le caporal monte la garde mercredi alors ce cera mon tour chacun son tour en attendant vive lamour et vive la bagatelle je suis madame avec tous les sentimens les plus respectueux et les plus tendres tout vous jaques roque it was but changing the corporal into the count and saying nothing about mounting guard on wednesday and the letter was neither right nor wrong so to gratify the poor fellow who stood trembling for my honour his own and the honour of his letter i took the cream gently off it and whipping it up in my own way i seald it up and sent him with it to madame de l and the next morning we pursued our journey to paris paris when a man can contest the point by dint of equipage and carry all on floundering before him with half a dozen of lackies and a couple of cooks tis very well in such a place as paris he may drive in at which end of a street he will a poor prince who is weak in cavalry and whose whole infantry does not exceed a single man had best quit the field and signalize himself in the cabinet if he can get up into it i say up into it for there is no descending perpendicular amongst em with a me voici mes enfans here i am whatever many may think i own my first sensations as soon as i was left solitary and alone in my own chamber in the hotel were far from being so flattering as i had prefigured them i walked up gravely to the window in my dusty black coat and looking through the glass saw all the world in yellow blue and green running at the ring of pleasure the old with broken lances and in helmets which had lost their vizards the young in armour bright which shone like gold beplumed with each gay feather of the east all all tilting at it like fascinated knights in tournaments of yore for fame and love alas poor yorick cried i what art thou doing here on the very first onset of all this glittering clatter thou art reduced to an atom seek seek some winding alley with a tourniquet at the end of it where chariot never rolled or flambeau shot its rays there thou mayest solace thy soul in converse sweet with some kind grisette of a barbers wife and get into such coteries may i perish if i do said i pulling out the letter which i had to present to madame de r ill wait upon this lady the very first thing i do so i called la fleur to go seek me a barber directly and come back and brush my coat the wig paris when the barber came he absolutely refused to have any thing to do with my wig twas either above or below his art i had nothing to do but to take one ready made of his own recommendation but i fear friend said i this buckle wont stand you may emerge it replied he into the ocean and it will stand what a great scale is every thing upon in this city thought i the utmost stretch of an english periwig makers ideas could have gone no further than to have dipped it into a pail of water what difference tis like time to eternity i confess i do hate all cold conceptions as i do the puny ideas which engender them and am generally so struck with the great works of nature that for my own part if i could help it i never would make a comparison less than a mountain at least all that can be said against the french sublime in this instance of it is this that the grandeur is more in the word and less in the thing no doubt the ocean fills the mind with vast ideas but paris being so far inland it was not likely i should run post a hundred miles out of it to try the experiment the parisian barber meant nothing the pail of water standing beside the great deep makes certainly but a sorry figure in speech but twill be said it has one advantage tis in the next room and the truth of the buckle may be tried in it without more ado in a single moment in honest truth and upon a more candid revision of the matter the french expression professes more than it performs i think i can see the precise and distinguishing marks of national characters more in these nonsensical minutiae than in the most important matters of state where great men of all nations talk and stalk so much alike that i would not give ninepence to choose amongst them i was so long in getting from under my barbers hands that it was too late to think of going with my letter to madame r that night but when a man is once dressed at all points for going out his reflections turn to little account so taking down the name of the htel de modene where i lodged i walked forth without any determination where to go i shall consider of that said i as i walk along the pulse paris hail ye small sweet courtesies of life for smooth do ye make the road of it like grace and beauty which beget inclinations to love at first sight tis ye who open this door and let the stranger in pray madame said i have the goodness to tell me which way i must turn to go to the opra comique most willingly monsieur said she laying aside her work i had given a cast with my eye into half a dozen shops as i came along in search of a face not likely to be disordered by such an interruption till at last this hitting my fancy i had walked in she was working a pair of ruffles as she sat in a low chair on the far side of the shop facing the door tres volontiers most willingly said she laying her work down upon a chair next her and rising up from the low chair she was sitting in with so cheerful a movement and so cheerful a look that had i been laying out fifty louis dors with her i should have said this woman is grateful you must turn monsieur said she going with me to the door of the shop and pointing the way down the street i was to take you must turn first to your left hand mais prenez garde there are two turns and be so good as to take the second then go down a little way and youll see a church and when you are past it give yourself the trouble to turn directly to the right and that will lead you to the foot of the pont neuf which you must cross and there any one will do himself the pleasure to show you she repeated her instructions three times over to me with the same goodnaturd patience the third time as the first and if tones and manners have a meaning which certainly they have unless to hearts which shut them out she seemed really interested that i should not lose myself i will not suppose it was the womans beauty notwithstanding she was the handsomest grisette i think i ever saw which had much to do with the sense i had of her courtesy only i remember when i told her how much i was obliged to her that i looked very full in her eyes and that i repeated my thanks as often as she had done her instructions i had not got ten paces from the door before i found i had forgot every tittle of what she had said so looking back and seeing her still standing in the door of the shop as if to look whether i went right or not i returned back to ask her whether the first turn was to my right or left for that i had absolutely forgot is it possible said she half laughing tis very possible replied i when a man is thinking more of a woman than of her good advice as this was the real truth she took it as every woman takes a matter of right with a slight curtsey attendez said she laying her hand upon my arm to detain me whilst she called a lad out of the back shop to get ready a parcel of gloves i am just going to send him said she with a packet into that quarter and if you will have the complaisance to step in it will be ready in a moment and he shall attend you to the place so i walkd in with her to the far side of the shop and taking up the ruffle in my hand which she laid upon the chair as if i had a mind to sit she sat down herself in her low chair and i instantly sat myself down beside her he will be ready monsieur said she in a moment and in that moment replied i most willingly would i say something very civil to you for all these courtesies any one may do a casual act of good nature but a continuation of them shows it is a part of the temperature and certainly added i if it is the same blood which comes from the heart which descends to the extremes i am sure you must have one of the best pulses of any woman in the world feel it said she holding out her arm so laying down my hat i took hold of her fingers in one hand and applied the two forefingers of my other to the artery would to heaven my dear eugenius thou hadst passed by and beheld me sitting in my black coat and in my lack a day sical manner counting the throbs of it one by one with as much true devotion as if i had been watching the critical ebb or flow of her fever how wouldst thou have laughd and moralized upon my new profession and thou shouldst have laughd and moralized on trust me my dear eugenius i should have said there are worse occupations in this world than feeling a womans pulse but a grisettes thou wouldst have said and in an open shop yorick so much the better for when my views are direct eugenius i care not if all the world saw me feel it the husband paris i had counted twenty pulsations and was going on fast towards the fortieth when her husband coming unexpected from a back parlour into the shop put me a little out of my reckoning twas nobody but her husband she said so i began a fresh score monsieur is so good quoth she as he passd by us as to give himself the trouble of feeling my pulse the husband took off his hat and making me a bow said i did him too much honour and having said that he put on his hat and walkd out good god said i to myself as he went out and can this man be the husband of this woman let it not torment the few who know what must have been the grounds of this exclamation if i explain it to those who do not in london a shopkeeper and a shopkeepers wife seem to be one bone and one flesh in the several endowments of mind and body sometimes the one sometimes the other has it so as in general to be upon a par and totally with each other as nearly as man and wife need to do in paris there are scarce two orders of beings more different for the legislative and executive powers of the shop not resting in the husband he seldom comes there in some dark and dismal room behind he sits commerce less in his thrum nightcap the same rough son of nature that nature left him the genius of a people where nothing but the monarchy is salique having ceded this department with sundry others totally to the women by a continual higgling with customers of all ranks and sizes from morning to night like so many rough pebbles shook long together in a bag by amicable collisions they have worn down their asperities and sharp angles and not only become round and smooth but will receive some of them a polish like a brilliant monsieur le mari is little better than the stone under your foot surely surely man it is not good for thee to sit alone thou wast made for social intercourse and gentle greetings and this improvement of our natures from it i appeal to as my evidence and how does it beat monsieur said she with all the benignity said i looking quietly in her eyes that i expected she was going to say something civil in return but the lad came into the shop with the gloves propos said i i want a couple of pairs myself the gloves paris the beautiful grisette rose up when i said this and going behind the counter reachd down a parcel and untied it i advanced to the side over against her they were all too large the beautiful grisette measured them one by one across my hand it would not alter their dimensions she beggd i would try a single pair which seemed to be the least she held it open my hand slipped into it at once it will not do said i shaking my head a little no said she doing the same thing there are certain combined looks of simple subtlety where whim and sense and seriousness and nonsense are so blended that all the languages of babel set loose together could not express them they are communicated and caught so instantaneously that you can scarce say which party is the infector i leave it to your men of words to swell pages about it it is enough in the present to say again the gloves would not do so folding our hands within our arms we both lolled upon the counter it was narrow and there was just room for the parcel to lay between us the beautiful grisette looked sometimes at the gloves then sideways to the window then at the gloves and then at me i was not disposed to break silence i followed her example so i looked at the gloves then to the window then at the gloves and then at her and so on alternately i found i lost considerably in every attack she had a quick black eye and shot through two such long and silken eyelashes with such penetration that she lookd into my very heart and reins it may seem strange but i could actually feel she did it is no matter said i taking up a couple of the pairs next me and putting them into my pocket i was sensible the beautiful grisette had not asked above a single livre above the price i wishd she had asked a livre more and was puzzling my brains how to bring the matter about do you think my dear sir said she mistaking my embarrassment that i could ask a sous too much of a stranger and of a stranger whose politeness more than his want of gloves has done me the honour to lay himself at my mercy men croyez capable faith not i said i and if you were you are welcome so counting the money into her hand and with a lower bow than one generally makes to a shopkeepers wife i went out and her lad with his parcel followed me the translation paris there was nobody in the box i was let into but a kindly old french officer i love the character not only because i honour the man whose manners are softened by a profession which makes bad men worse but that i once knew one for he is no more and why should i not rescue one page from violation by writing his name in it and telling the world it was captain tobias shandy the dearest of my flock and friends whose philanthropy i never think of at this long distance from his death but my eyes gush out with tears for his sake i have a predilection for the whole corps of veterans and so i strode over the two back rows of benches and placed myself beside him the old officer was reading attentively a small pamphlet it might be the book of the opera with a large pair of spectacles as soon as i sat down he took his spectacles off and putting them into a shagreen case returnd them and the book into his pocket together i half rose up and made him a bow translate this into any civilized language in the world the sense is this heres a poor stranger come into the box he seems as if he knew nobody and is never likely was he to be seven years in paris if every man he comes near keeps his spectacles upon his nose tis shutting the door of conversation absolutely in his face and using him worse than a german the french officer might as well have said it all aloud and if he had i should in course have put the bow i made him into french too and told him i was sensible of his attention and returnd him a thousand thanks for it there is not a secret so aiding to the progress of sociality as to get master of this short hand and to be quick in rendering the several turns of looks and limbs with all their inflections and delineations into plain words for my own part by long habitude i do it so mechanically that when i walk the streets of london i go translating all the way and have more than once stood behind in the circle where not three words have been said and have brought off twenty different dialogues with me which i could have fairly wrote down and sworn to i was going one evening to martinis concert at milan and was just entering the door of the hall when the marquisina di f was coming out in a sort of a hurry she was almost upon me before i saw her so i gave a spring to once side to let her pass she had done the same and on the same side too so we ran our heads together she instantly got to the other side to get out i was just as unfortunate as she had been for i had sprung to that side and opposed her passage again we both flew together to the other side and then back and so on it was ridiculous we both blushd intolerably so i did at last the thing i should have done at first i stood stock still and the marquisina had no more difficulty i had no power to go into the room till i had made her so much reparation as to wait and follow her with my eye to the end of the passage she lookd back twice and walkd along it rather sideways as if she would make room for any one coming up stairs to pass her no said i thats a vile translation the marquisina has a right to the best apology i can make her and that opening is left for me to do it in so i ran and beggd pardon for the embarrassment i had given her saying it was my intention to have made her way she answered she was guided by the same intention towards me so we reciprocally thankd each other she was at the top of the stairs and seeing no cicisbeo near her i beggd to hand her to her coach so we went down the stairs stopping at every third step to talk of the concert and the adventure upon my word madame said i when i had handed her in i made six different efforts to let you go out and i made six efforts replied she to let you enter i wish to heaven you would make a seventh said i with all my heart said she making room life is too short to be long about the forms of it so i instantly steppd in and she carried me home with her and what became of the concert st cecilia who i suppose was at it knows more than i i will only add that the connexion which arose out of the translation gave me more pleasure than any one i had the honour to make in italy the dwarf paris i had never heard the remark made by any one in my life except by one and who that was will probably come out in this chapter so that being pretty much unprepossessed there must have been grounds for what struck me the moment i cast my eyes over the parterre and that was the unaccountable sport of nature in forming such numbers of dwarfs no doubt she sports at certain times in almost every corner of the world but in paris there is no end to her amusements the goddess seems almost as merry as she is wise as i carried my idea out of the opra comique with me i measured every body i saw walking in the streets by it melancholy application especially where the size was extremely little the face extremely dark the eyes quick the nose long the teeth white the jaw prominent to see so many miserables by force of accidents driven out of their own proper class into the very verge of another which it gives me pain to write down every third man a pigmy some by rickety heads and hump backs others by bandy legs a third set arrested by the hand of nature in the sixth and seventh years of their growth a fourth in their perfect and natural state like dwarf apple trees from the first rudiments and stamina of their existence never meant to grow higher a medical traveller might say tis owing to undue bandages a splenetic one to want of air and an inquisitive traveller to fortify the system may measure the height of their houses the narrowness of their streets and in how few feet square in the sixth and seventh stories such numbers of the bourgeoisie eat and sleep together but i remember mr shandy the elder who accounted for nothing like any body else in speaking one evening of these matters averred that children like other animals might be increased almost to any size provided they came right into the world but the misery was the citizens of were paris so coopd up that they had not actually room enough to get them i do not call it getting anything said he tis getting nothing nay continued he rising in his argument tis getting worse than nothing when all you have got after twenty or five and twenty years of the tenderest care and most nutritious aliment bestowed upon it shall not at last be as high as my leg now mr shandy being very short there could be nothing more said of it as this is not a work of reasoning i leave the solution as i found it and content myself with the truth only of the remark which is verified in every lane and by lane of paris i was walking down that which leads from the carousal to the palais royal and observing a little boy in some distress at the side of the gutter which ran down the middle of it i took hold of his hand and helpd him over upon turning up his face to look at him after i perceived he was about forty never mind said i some good body will do as much for me when i am ninety i feel some little principles within me which incline me to be merciful towards this poor blighted part of my species who have neither size nor strength to get on in the world i cannot bear to see one of them trod upon and had scarce got seated beside my old french officer ere the disgust was exercised by seeing the very thing happen under the box we sat in at the end of the orchestra and betwixt that and the first side box there is a small esplanade left where when the house is full numbers of all ranks take sanctuary though you stand as in the parterre you pay the same price as in the orchestra a poor defenceless being of this order had got thrust somehow or other into this luckless place the night was hot and he was surrounded by beings two feet and a half higher than himself the dwarf suffered inexpressibly on all sides but the thing which incommoded him most was a tall corpulent german near seven feet high who stood directly betwixt him and all possibility of his seeing either the stage or the actors the poor dwarf did all he could to get a peep at what was going forwards by seeking for some little opening betwixt the germans arm and his body trying first on one side then the other but the german stood square in the most unaccommodating posture that can be imagined the dwarf might as well have been placed at the bottom of the deepest draw well in paris so he civilly reached up his hand to the germans sleeve and told him his distress the german turnd his head back looked down upon him as goliah did upon david and unfeelingly resumed his posture i was just then taking a pinch of snuff out of my monks little horn box and how would thy meek and courteous spirit my dear monk so temperd to bear and forbear how sweetly would it have lent an ear to this poor souls complaint the old french officer seeing me lift up my eyes with an emotion as i made the apostrophe took the liberty to ask me what was the matter i told him the story in three words and added how inhuman it was by this time the dwarf was driven to extremes and in his first transports which are generally unreasonable had told the german he would cut off his long queue with his knife the german lookd back coolly and told him he was welcome if he could reach it an injury sharpend by an insult be it to whom it will makes every man of sentiment a party i could have leapd out of the box to have redressed it the old french officer did it with much less confusion for leaning a little over and nodding to a sentinel and pointing at the same time with his finger at the distress the sentinel made his way to it there was no occasion to tell the grievance the thing told himself so thrusting back the german instantly with his musket he took the poor dwarf by the hand and placed him before him this is noble said i clapping my hands together and yet you would not permit this said the old officer in england in england dear sir said i we sit all at our ease the old french officer would have set me at unity with myself in case i had been at variance by saying it was a bon mot and as a bon mot is always worth something at paris he offered me a pinch of snuff the rose paris it was now my turn to ask the old french officer what was the matter for a cry of haussez les mains monsieur labb re echoed from a dozen different parts of the parterre was as unintelligible to me as my apostrophe to the monk had been to him he told me it was some poor abb in one of the upper loges who he supposed had got planted perdu behind a couple of grisettes in order to see the opera and that the parterre espying him were insisting upon his holding up both his hands during the representation and can it be supposed said i that an ecclesiastic would pick the grisettes pockets the old french officer smiled and whispering in my ear opened a door of knowledge which i had no idea of good god said i turning pale with astonishment is it possible that a people so smit with sentiment should at the same time be so unclean and so unlike themselves quelle grossirt added i the french officer told me it was an illiberal sarcasm at the church which had begun in the theatre about the time the tartuffe was given in it by molire but like other remains of gothic manners was declining every nation continued he have their refinements and grossirts in which they take the lead and lose it of one another by turns that he had been in most countries but never in one where he found not some delicacies which others seemed to want le pour et le contre se trouvent en chaque nation there is a balance said he of good and bad everywhere and nothing but the knowing it is so can emancipate one half of the world from the prepossession which it holds against the other that the advantage of travel as it regarded the savoir vivre was by seeing a great deal both of men and manners it taught us mutual toleration and mutual toleration concluded he making me a bow taught us mutual love the old french officer delivered this with an air of such candour and good sense as coincided with my first favourable impressions of his character i thought i loved the man but i fear i mistook the object twas my own way of thinking the difference was i could not have expressed it half so well it is alike troublesome to both the rider and his beast if the latter goes pricking up his ears and starting all the way at every object which he never saw before i have as little torment of this kind as any creature alive and yet i honestly confess that many a thing gave me pain and that i blushd at many a word the first month which i found inconsequent and perfectly innocent the second madame do rambouliet after an acquaintance of about six weeks with her had done me the honour to take me in her coach about two leagues out of town of all women madame de rambouliet is the most correct and i never wish to see one of more virtues and purity of heart in our return back madame de rambouliet desired me to pull the cord i asked her if she wanted anything rien que pour pisser said madame de rambouliet grieve not gentle traveller to let madame de rambouliet p ss on and ye fair mystic nymphs go each one pluck your rose and scatter them in your path for madame de rambouliet did no more i handed madame de rambouliet out of the coach and had i been the priest of the chaste castalia i could not have served at her fountain with a more respectful decorum the fille de chambre paris what the old french officer had delivered upon travelling bringing poloniuss advice to his son upon the same subject into my head and that bringing in hamlet and hamlet the rest of shakespeares works i stoppd at the quai de conti in my return home to purchase the whole set the bookseller said he had not a set in the world comment said i taking one up out of a set which lay upon the counter betwixt us he said they were sent him only to be got bound and were to be sent back to versailles in the morning to the count de b and does the count de b said i read shakespeare cest un esprit fort replied the bookseller he loves english books and what is more to his honour monsieur he loves the english too you speak this so civilly said i that it is enough to oblige an englishman to lay out a louis dor or two at your shop the bookseller made a bow and was going to say something when a young decent girl about twenty who by her air and dress seemed to be fille de chambre to some devout woman of fashion come into the shop and asked for les egarements du coeur et de lesprit the bookseller gave her the book directly she pulled out a little green satin purse run round with a riband of the same colour and putting her finger and thumb into it she took out the money and paid for it as i had nothing more to stay me in the shop we both walkd out at the door together and what have you to do my dear said i with the wanderings of the heart who scarce know yet you have one nor till love has first told you it or some faithless shepherd has made it ache canst thou ever be sure it is so le dieu men garde said the girl with reason said i for if it is a good one tis pity it should be stolen tis a little treasure to thee and gives a better air to your face than if it was dressd out with pearls the young girl listened with a submissive attention holding her satin purse by its riband in her hand all the time tis a very small one said i taking hold of the bottom of it she held it towards me and there is very little in it my dear said i but be but as good as thou art handsome and heaven will fill it i had a parcel of crowns in my hand to pay for shakespeare and as she had let go the purse entirely i put a single one in and tying up the riband in a bow knot returned it to her the young girl made me more a humble courtesy than a low one twas one of those quiet thankful sinkings where the spirit bows itself down the body does no more than tell it i never gave a girl a crown in my life which gave me half the pleasure my advice my dear would not have been worth a pin to you said i if i had not given this along with it but now when you see the crown youll remember it so dont my dear lay it out in ribands upon my word sir said the girl earnestly i am incapable in saying which as is usual in little bargains of honour she gave me her hand en vrit monsieur je mettrai cet argent part said she when a virtuous convention is made betwixt man and woman it sanctifies their most private walks so notwithstanding it was dusky yet as both our roads lay the same way we made no scruple of walking along the quai de conti together she made me a second courtesy in setting off and before we got twenty yards from the door as if she had not done enough before she made a sort of a little stop to tell me again she thankd me it was a small tribute i told her which i could not avoid paying to virtue and would not be mistaken in the person i had been rendering it to for the world but i see innocence my dear in your face and foul befall the man who ever lays a snare in its way the girl seemd affected some way or other with what i said she gave a low sigh i found i was not empowered to enquire at all after it so said nothing more till i got to the corner of the rue de nevers where we were to part but is this the way my dear said i to the hotel de modene she told me it was or that i might go by the rue de gueneguault which was the next turn then ill go my dear by the rue de gueneguault said i for two reasons first i shall please myself and next i shall give you the protection of my company as far on your way as i can the girl was sensible i was civil and said she wished the hotel de modene was in the rue de st pierre you live there said i she told me she was fille de chambre to madame r good god said i tis the very lady for whom i have brought a letter from amiens the girl told me that madame r she believed expected a stranger with a letter and was impatient to see him so i desired the girl to present my compliments to madame r and say i would certainly wait upon her in the morning we stood still at the corner of the rue de nevers whilst this passd we then stopped a moment whilst she disposed of her egarements du coeur c more commodiously than carrying them in her hand they were two volumes so i held the second for her whilst she put the first into her pocket and then she held her pocket and i put in the other after it tis sweet to feel by what fine spun threads our affections are drawn together we set off afresh and as she took her third step the girl put her hand within my arm i was just bidding her but she did it of herself with that undeliberating simplicity which showd it was out of her head that she had never seen me before for my own part i felt the conviction of consanguinity so strongly that i could not help turning half round to look in her face and see if i could trace out any thing in it of a family likeness tut said i are we not all relations when we arrived at the turning up of the rue de gueneguault i stoppd to bid her adieu for good and all the girl would thank me again for my company and kindness she bid me adieu twice i repeated it as often and so cordial was the parting between us that had it happened any where else im not sure but i should have signed it with a kiss of charity as warm and holy as an apostle but in paris as none kiss each other but the men i did what amounted to the same thing i bid god bless her the passport paris when i got home to my hotel la fleur told me i had been enquired after by the lieutenant de police the deuce take it said i i know the reason it is time the reader should know it for in the order of things in which it happened it was omitted not that it was out of my head but that had i told it then it might have been forgotten now and now is the time i want it i had left london with so much precipitation that it never enterd my mind that we were at war with france and had reached dover and looked through my glass at the hills beyond boulogne before the idea presented itself and with this in its train that there was no getting there without a passport go but to the end of a street i have a mortal aversion for returning back no wiser than i set out and as this was one of the greatest efforts i had ever made for knowledge i could less bear the thoughts of it so hearing the count de had hired the packet i beggd he would take me in his suite the count had some little knowledge of me so made little or no difficulty only said his inclination to serve me could reach no farther than calais as he was to return by way of brussels to paris however when i had once passd there i might get to paris without interruption but that in paris i must make friends and shift for myself let me get to paris monsieur le count said i and i shall do very well so i embarkd and never thought more of the matter when la fleur told me the lieutenant de police had been enquiring after me the thing instantly recurred and by the time la fleur had well told me the master of the hotel came into my room to tell me the same thing with this addition to it that my passport had been particularly asked after the master of the hotel concluded with saying he hoped i had one not i faith said i the master of the hotel retired three steps from me as from an infected person as i declared this and poor la fleur advanced three steps towards me and with that sort of movement which a good soul makes to succour a distressd one the fellow won my heart by it and from that single trait i knew his character as perfectly and could rely upon it as firmly as if he had served me with fidelity for seven years mon seigneur cried the master of the hotel but recollecting himself as he made the exclamation he instantly changed the tone of it if monsieur said he has not a passport in all likelihood he has friends in paris who can procure him one not that i know of quoth i with an air of indifference then certes replied he youll be sent to the bastile or the chatelet au moins poo said i the king of france is a good naturd soul hell hurt nobody cela nempche pas said he you will certainly be sent to the bastile to morrow morning but ive taken your lodgings for a month answerd i and ill not quit them a day before the time for all the kings of france in the world la fleur whispered in my ear that nobody could oppose the king of france pardi said my host ces messieurs anglois sont des gens trs extraordinaires and having both said and sworn it he went out the passport the hotel at paris i could not find in my heart to torture la fleurs with a serious look upon the subject of my embarrassment which was the reason i had treated it so cavalierly and to show him how light it lay upon my mind i dropt the subject entirely and whilst he waited upon me at supper talkd to him with more than usual gaiety about paris and of the opra comique la fleur had been there himself and had followed me through the streets as far as the booksellers shop but seeing me come out with the young fille de chambre and that we walkd down the quai de conti together la fleur deemd it unnecessary to follow me a step further so making his own reflections upon it he took a shorter cut and got to the hotel in time to be informd of the affair of the police against my arrival as soon as the honest creature had taken away and gone down to sup himself i then began to think a little seriously about my situation and here i know eugenius thou wilt smile at the remembrance of a short dialogue which passed betwixt us the moment i was going to set out i must tell it here eugenius knowing that i was as little subject to be overburdend with money as thought had drawn me aside to interrogate me how much i had taken care for upon telling him the exact sum eugenius shook his head and said it would not do so pulld out his purse in order to empty it into mine ive enough in conscience eugenius said i indeed yorick you have not replied eugenius i know france and italy better than you but you dont consider eugenius said i refusing his offer that before i have been three days in paris i shall take care to say or do something or other for which i shall get clappd up into the bastile and that i shall live there a couple of months entirely at the king of frances expense i beg pardon said eugenius drily really i had forgot that resource now the event i treated gaily came seriously to my door is it folly or nonchalance or philosophy or pertinacity or what is it in me that after all when la fleur had gone down stairs and i was quite alone i could not bring down my mind to think of it otherwise than i had then spoken of it to eugenius and as for the bastile the terror is in the word make the most of it you can said i to myself the bastile is but another word for a tower and a tower is but another word for a house you cant get out of mercy on the gouty for they are in it twice a year but with nine livres a day and pen and ink and paper and patience albeit a man cant get out he may do very well within at least for a mouth or six weeks at the end of which if he is a harmless fellow his innocence appears and he comes out a better and wiser man than he went in i had some occasion to step into the court yard as i settled this account and remember i walkd down stairs in no small triumph with the conceit of my reasoning beshrew the sombre pencil said i vauntingly for i envy not its powers which paints the evils of life with so hard and deadly a colouring the mind sits terrified at the objects she has magnified herself and blackened reduce them to their proper size and hue she overlooks them tis true said i correcting the proposition the bastile is not an evil to be despised but strip it of its towers fill up the fosse unbarricade the doors call it simply a confinement and suppose tis some tyrant of a distemper and not of a man which holds you in it the evil vanishes and you bear the other half without complaint i was interrupted in the heyday of this soliloquy with a voice which i took to be of a child which complained it could not get out i lookd up and down the passage and seeing neither man woman nor child i went out without farther attention in my return back through the passage i heard the same words repeated twice over and looking up i saw it was a starling hung in a little cage i cant get out i cant get out said the starling i stood looking at the bird and to every person who came through the passage it ran fluttering to the side towards which they approachd it with the same lamentation of its captivity i cant get out said the starling god help thee said i but ill let thee out cost what it will so i turned about the cage to get to the door it was twisted and double twisted so fast with wire there was no getting it open without pulling the cage to pieces i took both hands to it the bird flew to the place where i was attempting his deliverance and thrusting his head through the trellis pressed his breast against it as if impatient i fear poor creature said i i cannot set thee at liberty no said the starling i cant get out i cant get out said the starling i vow i never had my affections more tenderly awakened nor do i remember an incident in my life where the dissipated spirits to which my reason had been a bubble were so suddenly calld home mechanical as the notes were yet so true in tune to nature were they chanted that in one moment they overthrew all my systematic reasonings upon the bastile and i heavily walked upstairs unsaying every word i had said in going down them disguise thyself as thou wilt still slavery said i still thou art a bitter draught and though thousands in all ages have been made to drink of thee thou art no less bitter on that account tis thou thrice sweet and gracious goddess addressing myself to liberty whom all in public or in private worship whose taste is grateful and ever will be so till nature herself shall change no tint of words can spot thy snowy mantle or chymic power turn thy sceptre into iron with thee to smile upon him as he eats his crust the swain is happier than his monarch from whose court thou art exiled gracious heaven cried i kneeling down upon the last step but one in my ascent grant me but health thou great bestower of it and give me but this fair goddess as my companion and shower down thy mitres if it seems good unto thy divine providence upon those heads which are aching for them the captive paris the bird in his cage pursued me into my room i sat down close to my table and leaning my head upon my hand i began to figure to myself the miseries of confinement i was in a right frame for it and so i gave full scope to my imagination i was going to begin with the millions of my fellow creatures born to no inheritance but slavery but finding however affecting the picture was that i could not bring it near me and that the multitude of sad groups in it did but distract me i took a single captive and having first shut him up in his dungeon i then lookd through the twilight of his grated door to take his picture i beheld his body half wasted away with long expectation and confinement and felt what kind of sickness of the heart it was which arises from hope deferrd upon looking nearer i saw him pale and feverish in thirty years the western breeze had not once fannd his blood he had seen no sun no moon in all that time nor had the voice of friend or kinsman breathed through his lattice his children but here my heart began to bleed and i was forced to go on with another part of the portrait he was sitting upon the ground upon a little straw in the furthest corner of his dungeon which was alternately his chair and bed a little calendar of small sticks were laid at the head notchd all over with the dismal days and nights he had passed there he had one of these little sticks in his hand and with a rusty nail he was etching another day of misery to add to the heap as i darkened the little light he had he lifted up a hopeless eye towards the door then cast it down shook his head and went on with his work of affliction i heard his chains upon his legs as he turned his body to lay his little stick upon the bundle he gave a deep sigh i saw the iron enter into his soul i burst into tears i could not sustain the picture of confinement which my fancy had drawn i started up from my chair and calling la fleur i bid him bespeak me a remise and have it ready at the door of the hotel by nine in the morning ill go directly said i myself to monsieur le duc de choiseul la fleur would have put me to bed but not willing he should see anything upon my cheek which would cost the honest fellow a heart ache i told him i would go to bed by myself and bid him go do the same the starling road to versailles i got into my remise the hour i proposed la fleur got up behind and i bid the coachman make the best of his way to versailles as there was nothing in this road or rather nothing which i look for in travelling i cannot fill up the blank better than with a short history of this self same bird which became the subject of the last chapter whilst the honourable mr was waiting for a wind at dover it had been caught upon the cliffs before it could well fly by an english lad who was his groom who not caring to destroy it had taken it in his breast into the packet and by course of feeding it and taking it once under his protection in a day or two grew fond of it and got it safe along with him to paris at paris the lad had laid out a livre in a little cage for the starling and as he had little to do better the five months his master staid there he taught it in his mothers tongue the four simple words to which i ownd myself so much its debtor upon his masters going on for italy the lad had given it to the master of the hotel but his little song for liberty being in an unknown language at paris the bird had little or no store set by him so la fleur bought both him and his cage for me for a bottle of burgundy in my return from italy i brought him with me to the country in whose language he had learned his notes and telling the story of him to lord a lord a beggd the bird of me in a week lord a gave him to lord b lord b made a present of him to lord c and lord c s gentleman sold him to lord d s for a shilling lord d gave him to lord e and so on half round the alphabet from that rank he passd into the lower house and passd the hands of as many commoners but as all these wanted to get in and my bird wanted to get out he had almost as little store set by him in london as in paris it is impossible but many of my readers must have heard of him and if any by mere chance have ever seen him i beg leave to inform them that that bird was my bird or some vile copy set up to represent him i have nothing farther to add upon him but that from that time to this i have borne this poor starling as the crest to my arms thus and let the heralds officers twist his neck about if they dare the address versailles i should not like to have my enemy take a view of my mind when i am going to ask protection of any man for which reason i generally endeavour to protect myself but this going to monsieur le duc de c was an act of compulsion had it been an act of choice i should have done it i suppose like other people how many mean plans of dirty address as i went along did my servile heart form i deserved the bastile for every one of them then nothing would serve me when i got within sight of versailles but putting words and sentences together and conceiving attitudes and tones to wreath myself into monsieur le duc de c s good graces this will do said i just as well retorted i again as a coat carried up to him by an adventurous tailor without taking his measure fool continued i see monsieur le ducs face first observe what character is written in it take notice in what posture he stands to hear you mark the turns and expressions of his body and limbs and for the tone the first sound which comes from his lips will give it you and from all these together youll compound an address at once upon the spot which cannot disgust the duke the ingredients are his own and most likely to go down well said i i wish it well over coward again as if man to man was not equal throughout the whole surface of the globe and if in the field why not face to face in the cabinet too and trust me yorick whenever it is not so man is false to himself and betrays his own succours ten times where nature does it once go to the duc de c with the bastile in thy looks my life for it thou wilt be sent back to paris in half an hour with an escort i believe so said i then ill go to the duke by heaven with all the gaiety and debonairness in the world and there you are wrong again replied i a heart at ease yorick flies into no extremes tis ever on its centre well well cried i as the coachman turnd in at the gates i find i shall do very well and by the time he had wheeld round the court and brought me up to the door i found myself so much the better for my own lecture that i neither ascended the steps like a victim to justice who was to part with life upon the top most nor did i mount them with a skip and a couple of strides as i do when i fly up eliza to thee to meet it as i entered the door of the saloon i was met by a person who possibly might be the matre dhtel but had more the air of one of the under secretaries who told me the duc de c was busy i am utterly ignorant said i of the forms of obtaining an audience being an absolute stranger and what is worse in the present conjuncture of affairs being an englishman too he replied that did not increase the difficulty i made him a slight bow and told him i had something of importance to say to monsieur le duc the secretary lookd towards the stairs as if he was about to leave me to carry up this account to some one but i must not mislead you said i for what i have to say is of no manner of importance to monsieur le duc de c but of great importance to myself cest une autre affaire replied he not at all said i to a man of gallantry but pray good sir continued i when can a stranger hope to have access in not less than two hours said he looking at his watch the number of equipages in the court yard seemed to justify the calculation that i could have no nearer a prospect and as walking backwards and forwards in the saloon without a soul to commune with was for the time as bad as being in the bastile itself i instantly went back to my remise and bid the coachman drive me to the cordon bleu which was the nearest hotel i think there is a fatality in it i seldom go to the place i set out for le patissier versailles before i had got half way down the street i changed my mind as i am at versailles thought i i might as well take a view of the town so i pulld the cord and ordered the coachman to drive round some of the principal streets i suppose the town is not very large said i the coachman beggd pardon for setting me right and told me it was very superb and that numbers of the first dukes and marquises and counts had hotels the count de b of whom the bookseller at the quai de conti had spoke so handsomely the night before came instantly into my mind and why should i not go thought i to the count de b who has so high an idea of english books and english men and tell him my story so i changed my mind a second time in truth it was the third for i had intended that day for madame de r in the rue st pierre and had devoutly sent her word by her fille de chambre that i would assuredly wait upon her but i am governed by circumstances i cannot govern them so seeing a man standing with a basket on the other side of the street as if he had something to sell i bid la fleur go up to him and enquire for the counts hotel la fleur returned a little pale and told me it was a chevalier de st louis selling pts it is impossible la fleur said i la fleur could no more account for the phenomenon than myself but persisted in his story he had seen the croix set in gold with its red riband he said tied to his buttonhole and had looked into the basket and seen the pts which the chevalier was selling so could not be mistaken in that such a reverse in mans life awakens a better principle than curiosity i could not help looking for some time at him as i sat in the remise the more i lookd at him his croix and his basket the stronger they wove themselves into my brain i got out of the remise and went towards him he was begirt with a clean linen apron which fell below his knees and with a sort of a bib that went half way up his breast upon the top of this but a little below the hem hung his croix his basket of little pts was covered over with a white damask napkin another of the same kind was spread at the bottom and there was a look of propret and neatness throughout that one might have bought his pts of him as much from appetite as sentiment he made an offer of them to neither but stood still with them at the corner of an hotel for those to buy who chose it without solicitation he was about forty eight of a sedate look something approaching to gravity i did not wonder i went up rather to the basket than him and having lifted up the napkin and taking one of his pts into my hand i beggd he would explain the appearance which affected me he told me in a few words that the best part of his life had passed in the service in which after spending a small patrimony he had obtained a company and the croix with it but that at the conclusion of the last peace his regiment being reformed and the whole corps with those of some other regiments left without any provision he found himself in a wide world without friends without a livre and indeed said he without anything but this the poor chevalier won my pity and he finished the scene with winning my esteem too the king he said was the most generous of princes but his generosity could neither relieve nor reward everyone and it was only his misfortune to be amongst the number he had a little wife he said whom he loved who did the ptisserie and added he felt no dishonour in defending her and himself from want in this way unless providence had offerd him a better it would be wicked to withhold a pleasure from the good in passing over what happend to this poor chevalier of st louis about nine months after it seems he usually took his stand near the iron gates which lead up to the palace and as his croix had caught the eyes of numbers numbers had made the same enquiry which i had done he had told them the same story and always with so much modesty and good sense that it had reachd at last the kings ears who hearing the chevalier had been a gallant officer and respected by the whole regiment as a man of honour and integrity he broke up his little trade by a pension of fifteen hundred livres a year as i have told this to please the reader i beg he will allow me to relate another out of its order to please myself the two stories reflect light upon each other and tis a pity they should be parted the sword rennes when states and empires have their periods of declension and feel in their turns what distress and poverty is i stop not to tell the causes which gradually brought the house de in brittany into decay the marquis de had fought up against his condition with great firmness wishing to preserve and still show to the world some little fragments of what his ancestors had been their indiscretions had put it out of his power there was enough left for the little exigencies of obscurity but he had two boys who looked up to him for light he thought they deserved it he had tried his sword it could not open the way the mounting was too expensive and simple economy was not a match for it there was no resource but commerce in any other province in france save brittany this was smiting the root for ever of the little tree his pride and affection wishd to see re blossom but in brittany there being a provision for this he availd himself of it and taking an occasion when the states were assembled at rennes the marquis attended with his two boys entered the court and having pleaded the right of an ancient law of the duchy which though seldom claimd he said was no less in force he took his sword from his side here said he take it and be trusty guardians of it till better times put me in condition to reclaim it the president accepted the marquiss sword he staid a few minutes to see it deposited in the archives of his house and departed the marquis and his whole family embarked the next clay for martinico and in about nineteen or twenty years of successful application to business with some unlookd for bequests from distant branches of his house return home to reclaim his nobility and to support it it was an incident of good fortune which will never happen to any traveller but a sentimental one that i should be at rennes at the very time of this solemn requisition i call it solemn it was so to me the marquis entered the court with his whole family he supported his lady his eldest son supported his sister and his youngest was at the other extreme of the line next his mother he put his handkerchief to his face twice there was a dead silence when the marquis had approached within six paces of the tribunal he gave the marchioness to his youngest son and advancing three steps before his family he reclaimd his sword his sword was given him and the moment he got it into his hand he drew it almost out of the scabbard twas the shining face of a friend he had once given up he lookd attentively along it beginning at the hilt as if to see whether it was the same when observing a little rust which it had contracted near the point he brought it near his eye and bending his head down over it i think i saw a tear fall upon the place i could not be deceived by what followed i shall find said he some other way to get it off when the marquis had said this he returned his sword into its scabbard made a bow to the guardians of it and with his wife and daughter and his two sons following him walkd out o how i envied him his feelings the passport versailles i found no difficulty in getting admittance to monsieur le count de b the set of shakespeares was laid upon the table and he was tumbling them over i walkd up close to the table and giving first such a look at the books as to make him conceive i knew what they were i told him i had come without any one to present me knowing i should meet with a friend in his apartment who i trusted would do it for me it is my countryman the great shakespeare said i pointing to his works et ayez la bout mon cher ami apostrophizing his spirit added i de me faire cet honneur l the count smiled at the singularity of the introduction and seeing i lookd a little pale and sickly insisted upon my taking an arm chair so i sat down and to save him conjectures upon a visit so out of all rule i told him simply of the incident in the booksellers shop and how that had impelled me rather to go to him with the story of a little embarrassment i was under than to any other man in france and what is your embarrassment let me hear it said the count so i told him the story just as i have told it the reader and the master of my hotel said i as i concluded it will needs have it monsieur le count that i shall be sent to the bastile but i have no apprehensions continued i for in falling into the hands of the most polishd people in the world and being conscious i was a true man and not come to spy the nakedness of the land i scarce thought i lay at their mercy it does not suit the gallantry of the french monsieur le count said i to show it against invalids an animated blush came into the count de b s cheeks as i spoke this ne craignez rien dont fear said he indeed i dont replied i again besides continued i a little sportingly i have come laughing all the way from london to paris and i do not think monsieur le duc de choiseul is such an enemy to mirth as to send me back crying for my pains my application to you monsieur le count de b is to desire he will not the count heard me with great good nature or i had not said half as much and once or twice said cest bien dit so i rested my cause there and determined to say no more about it the count led the discourse we talkd of indifferent things of books and politics and men and then of women god bless them all said i after much discourse about them there is not a man upon earth who loves them so much as i do after all the foibles i have seen and all the satires i have read against them still i love them being firmly persuaded that a man who has not a sort of affection for the whole sex is incapable of ever loving a single one as he ought eh bien monsieur langlois said the count gaily you are not come to spy the nakedness of the land i believe you ni encore i dare say that of our women but permit me to conjecture if par hazard they fell into your way that the prospect would not affect you i have something within me which cannot bear the shock of the least indecent insinuation in the sportability of chit chat i have often endeavoured to conquer it and with infinite pain have hazarded a thousand things to a dozen of the sex together the least of which i could not venture to a single one to gain heaven excuse me monsieur le count said i as for the nakedness of your land if i saw it i should cast my eyes over it with tears in them and for that of your women i am so evangelical in this and have such a fellow feeling for whatever is weak about them that i would cover it with a garment if i knew how to throw it on but i could wish continued i to spy the nakedness of their hearts and through the different disguises of customs climates and religion find out what is good in them to fashion my own by and therefore am i come it is for this reason monsieur le count continued i that i have not seen the palais royal nor the luxembourg nor the faade of the louvre nor have attempted to swell the catalogues we have of pictures statues and churches i conceive every fair being as a temple and would rather enter in and see the original drawings and loose sketches hung up in it than the transfiguration of raphael itself the thirst of this continued i as impatient as that which inflames the breast of the connoisseur has led me from my own home into france and from france will lead me through italy tis a quiet journey of the heart in pursuit of nature and those affections which arise out of her which make us love each other and the world better than we do the count said a great many civil things to me upon the occasion and added very politely how much he stood obliged to shakespeare for making me known to him but a propos said he shakespeare is full of great things he forgot a small punctilio of announcing your name it puts you under a necessity of doing it yourself the passport versailles there is not a more perplexing affair in life to me than to set about telling any one who i am for there is scarce any body i cannot give a better account of than myself and i have often wished i could do it in a single word and have an end of it it was the only time and occasion in my life i could accomplish this to any purpose for shakespeare lying upon the table and recollecting i was in his books i took up hamlet and turning immediately to the grave diggers scene in the fifth act i laid my finger upon yorick and advancing the book to the count with my finger all the way over the name me voici said i now whether the idea of poor yoricks skull was put out of the counts mind by the reality of my own or by what magic he could drop a period of seven or eight hundred years makes nothing in this account tis certain the french conceive better than they combine i wonder at nothing in this world and the less at this inasmuch as one of the first of our own church for whose candour and paternal sentiments i have the highest veneration fell into the same mistake in the very same case he could not bear he said to look into the sermons wrote by the king of denmarks jester good my lord said i but there are two yoricks the yorick your lordship thinks of has been dead and buried eight hundred years ago he flourished in horwendilluss court the other yorick is myself who have flourished my lord in no court he shook his head good god said i you might as well confound alexander the great with alexander the coppersmith my lord twas all one he replied if alexander king of macedon could have translated your lordship said i im sure your lordship would not have said so the poor count de b fell but into the same error et monsieur est il yorick cried the count je le suis said i vous moi moi qui ai lhonneur de vous parler monsieur le comte mon dieu said he embracing me vous tes yorick the count instantly put the shakespeare into his pocket and left me alone in his room the passport versailles i could not conceive why the count de b had gone so abruptly out of the room any more than i could conceive why he had put the shakespeare into his pocket mysteries which must explain themselves are not worth the loss of time which a conjecture about them takes up twas better to read shakespeare so taking up much ado about nothing i transported myself instantly from the chair i sat in to messina in sicily and got so busy with don pedro and benedict and beatrice that i thought not of versailles the count or the passport sweet pliability of mans spirit that can at once surrender itself to illusions which cheat expectation and sorrow of their weary moments long long since had ye numberd out my days had i not trod so great a part of them upon this enchanted ground when my way is too rough for my feet or too steep for my strength i get off it to some smooth velvet path which fancy has scattered over with rosebuds of delights and having taken a few turns in it come back strengthened and refreshd when evils press sore upon me and there is no retreat from them in this world then i take a new course i leave it and as i have a clearer idea of the elysian fields than i have of heaven i force myself like aeneas into them i see him meet the pensive shade of his forsaken dido and wish to recognise it i see the injured spirit wave her head and turn off silent from the author of her miseries and dishonours i lose the feelings for myself in hers and in those affections which were wont to make me mourn for her when i was at school surely this is not walking in a vain shadow nor does man disquiet himself in vain by it he oftener does so in trusting the issue of his commotions to reason only i can safely say for myself i was never able to conquer any one single bad sensation in my heart so decisively as beating up as fast as i could for some kindly and gentle sensation to fight it upon its own ground when i had got to the end of the third act the count de b entered with my passport in his hand monsieur le duc de c said the count is as good a prophet i dare say as he is a statesman un homme qui rit said the duke ne sera jamais dangereux had it been for any one but the kings jester added the count i could not have got it these two hours pardonnez moi monsieur le count said i i am not the kings jester but you are yorick yes et vous plaisantez i answered indeed i did jest but was not paid for it twas entirely at my own expense we have no jester at court monsieur le count said i the last we had was in the licentious reign of charles ii since which time our manners have been so gradually refining that our court at present is so full of patriots who wish for nothing but the honours and wealth of their country and our ladies are all so chaste so spotless so good so devout there is nothing for a jester to make a jest of voila un persiflage cried the count the passport versailles as the passport was directed to all lieutenant governors governors and commandants of cities generals of armies justiciaries and all officers of justice to let mr yorick the kings jester and his baggage travel quietly along i own the triumph of obtaining the passport was not a little tarnishd by the figure i cut in it but there is nothing unmixd in this world and some of the gravest of our divines have carried it so far as to affirm that enjoyment itself was attended even with a sigh and that the greatest they knew of terminated in a general way in little better than a convulsion i remember the grave and learned bevoriskius in his commentary upon the generations from adam very naturally breaks off in the middle of a note to give an account to the world of a couple of sparrows upon the out edge of his window which had incommoded him all the time he wrote and at last had entirely taken him off from his genealogy tis strange writes bevoriskius but the facts are certain for i have had the curiosity to mark them down one by one with my pen but the cock sparrow during the little time that i could have finished the other half of this note has actually interrupted me with the reiteration of his caresses three and twenty times and a half how merciful adds bevoriskius is heaven to his creatures ill fated yorick that the gravest of thy brethren should be able to write that to the world which stains thy face with crimson to copy even in thy study but this is nothing to my travels so i twice twice beg pardon for it character versailles and how do you find the french said the count de b after he had given me the passport the reader may suppose that after so obliging a proof of courtesy i could not be at a loss to say something handsome to the enquiry mais passe pour cela speak frankly said he do you find all the urbanity in the french which the world give us the honour of i had found every thing i said which confirmed it vraiment said the count les franois sont polis to an excess replied i the count took notice of the word excs and would have it i meant more than i said i defended myself a long time as well as i could against it he insisted i had a reserve and that i would speak my opinion frankly i believe monsieur le count said i that man has a certain compass as well as an instrument and that the social and other calls have occasion by turns for every key in him so that if you begin a note too high or too low there must be a want either in the upper or under part to fill up the system of harmony the count de b did not understand music so desired me to explain it some other way a polishd nation my dear count said i makes every one its debtor and besides urbanity itself like the fair sex has so many charms it goes against the heart to say it can do ill and yet i believe there is but a certain line of perfection that man take him altogether is empowerd to arrive at if he gets beyond he rather exchanges qualities than gets them i must not presume to say how far this has affected the french in the subject we are speaking of but should it ever be the case of the english in the progress of their refinements to arrive at the same polish which distinguishes the french if we did not lose the politesse du coeur which inclines men more to humane actions than courteous ones we should at least lose that distinct variety and originality of character which distinguishes them not only from each other but from all the world besides i had a few of king williams shillings as smooth as glass in my pocket and foreseeing they would be of use in the illustration of my hypothesis i had got them into my hand when i had proceeded so far see monsieur le count said i rising up and laying them before him upon the table by jingling and rubbing one against another for seventy years together in one bodys pocket or anothers they are become so much alike you can scarce distinguish one shilling from another the english like ancient medals kept more apart and passing but few peoples hands preserve the first sharpnesses which the fine hand of nature has given them they are not so pleasant to feel but in return the legend is so visible that at the first look you see whose image and superscription they bear but the french monsieur le count added i have so many excellences they can the better spare this they are a loyal a gallant a generous an ingenious and good temperd people as is under heaven if they have a fault they are too serious mon dieu cried the count rising out of his chair mais vous plaisantez said he correcting his exclamation i laid my hand upon my breast and with earnest gravity assured him it was my most settled opinion the count said he was mortified he could not stay to hear my reasons being engaged to go that moment to dine with the duc de c but if it is not too far to come to versailles to eat your soup with me i beg before you leave france i may have the pleasure of knowing you retract your opinion or in what manner you support it but if you do support it monsieur anglois said he you must do it with all your powers because you have the whole world against you i promised the count i would do myself the honour of dining with him before i set out for italy so took my leave the temptation paris when i alighted at the hotel the porter told me a young woman with a bandbox had been that moment enquiring for me i do not know said the porter whether she is gone away or not i took the key of my chamber of him and went upstairs and when i had got within ten steps of the top of the landing before my door i met her coming easily down it was the fair fille de chambre i had walked along the quai de conti with madame de r had sent her upon some commission to a marchande des modes within a step or two of the htel de modene and as i had faild in waiting upon her had bid her enquire if i had left paris and if so whether i had not left a letter addressed to her as the fair fille de chambre was so near my door she returned back and went into the room with me for a moment or two whilst i wrote a card it was a fine still evening in the latter end of the month of may the crimson window curtains were drawn close the sun was setting and reflected through them so warm a tint into the fair fille de chambres face i thought she blushd the idea of it made me blush myself we were quite alone and that superinduced a second blush before the first could get off there is a sort of a pleasing half guilty blush where the blood is more in fault than the man tis sent impetuous from the heart and virtue flies after it not to call it back but to make the sensation of it more delicious to the nerves tis associated but ill not describe it i felt something at first within me which was not in strict unison with the lesson of virtue i had given her the night before i sought five minutes for a card i knew i had not one i took up a pen i laid it down again my hand trembled the devil was in me i know as well as any one he is an adversary whom if we resist he will fly from us but i seldom resist him at all from a terror though i may conquer i may still get a hurt in the combat so i give up the triumph for security and instead of thinking to make him fly i generally fly myself the fair fille de chambre came close up to the bureau where i was looking for a card took up first the pen i cast down then offerd to hold me the ink she offerd it so sweetly i was going to accept it but i durst not i have nothing my dear said i to write upon write it said she simply upon anything i was just going to cry out then i will write it fair girl upon thy lips if i do said i i shall perish so i took her by the hand and led her to the door and beggd she would not forget the lesson i had given her she said indeed she would not and as she uttered it with some earnestness she turnd about and gave me both her hands closed together into mine it was impossible not to compress them in that situation i wishd to let them go and all the time i held them i kept arguing within myself against it and still i held them on in two minutes i found i had all the battle to fight over again and i felt my legs and every limb about me tremble at the idea the foot of the bed was within a yard and a half of the place where we were standing i had still hold of her hands and how it happened i can give no account but i neither askd her nor drew her nor did i think of the bed but so it did happen we both sat down ill just show you said the fair fille de chambre the little purse i have been making to day to hold your crown so she put her hand into her right pocket which was next me and felt for it some time then into the left she had lost it i never bore expectation more quietly it was in her right pocket at last she pulld it out it was of green taffeta lined with a little bit of white quilted satin and just big enough to hold the crown she put it into my hand it was pretty and i held it ten minutes with the back of my hand resting upon her lap looking sometimes at the purse sometimes on one side of it a stitch or two had broke out in the gathers of my stock the fair fille de chambre without saying a word took out her little housewife threaded a small needle and sewd it up i foresaw it would hazard the glory of the day and as she passd her hand in silence across and across my neck in the manoeuvre i felt the laurels shake which fancy had wreathd about my head a strap had given way in her walk and the buckle of her shoe was just falling off see said the fille de chambre holding up her foot i could not for my soul but fasten the buckle in return and putting in the strap and lifting up the other foot with it when i had done to see both were right in doing it too suddenly it unavoidably threw the fair fille de chambre off her centre and then the conquest yes and then ye whose clay cold heads and luke warm hearts can argue down or mask your passions tell me what trespass is it that man should have them or how his spirit stands answerable to the father of spirits but for his conduct under them if nature has so wove her web of kindness that some threads of love and desire are entangled with the piece must the whole web be rent in drawing them out whip me such stoics great governor of nature said i to myself wherever thy providence shall place me for the trials of my virtue whatever is my danger whatever is my situation let me feel the movements which rise out of it and which belong to me as a man and if i govern them as a good one i will trust the issues to thy justice for thou hast made us and not we ourselves as i finished my address i raised the fair fille de chambre up by the hand and led her out of the room she stood by me till i locked the door and put the key in my pocket and then the victory being quite decisive and not till then i pressd my lips to her cheek and taking her by the hand again led her safe to the gate of the hotel the mystery paris if a man knows the heart he will know it was impossible to go back instantly to my chamber it was touching a cold key with a flat third to it upon the close of a piece of music which had calld forth my affections therefore when i let go the hand of the fille de chambre i remained at the gate of the hotel for some time looking at every one who passd by and forming conjectures upon them till my attention got fixd upon a single object which confounded all kind of reasoning upon him it was a tall figure of a philosophic serious adust look which passed and repassd sedately along the street making a turn of about sixty paces on each side of the gate of the hotel the man was about fifty two had a small cane under his arm was dressd in a dark drab colourd coat waistcoat and breeches which seemd to have seen some years service they were still clean and there was a little air of frugal propret throughout him by his pulling off his hat and his attitude of accosting a good many in his way i saw he was asking charity so i got a sous or two out of my pocket ready to give him as he took me in his turn he passd by me without asking anything and yet did not go five steps further before he askd charity of a little woman i was much more likely to have given of the two he had scarce done with the woman when he pulld off his hat to another who was coming the same way an ancient gentleman came slowly and after him a young smart one he let them both pass and askd nothing i stood observing him half an hour in which time he had made a dozen turns backwards and forwards and found that he invariably pursued the same plan there were two things very singular in this which set my brain to work and to no purpose the first was why the man should only tell his story to the sex and secondly what kind of story it was and what species of eloquence it could be which softend the hearts of the women which he knew twas to no purpose to practise upon the men there were two other circumstances which entangled this mystery the one was he told every woman what he had to say in her ear and in a way which had much more the air of a secret than a petition the other was it was always successful he never stoppd a woman but she pulld out her purse and immediately gave him something i could form no system to explain the phenomenon i had got a riddle to amuse me for the rest of the evening so i walkd upstairs to my chamber the case of conscience paris i was immediately followed up by the master of the hotel who came into my room to tell me i must provide lodgings elsewhere how so friend said i he answered i had had a young woman lockd up with me two hours that evening in my bedchamber and twas against the rules of his house very well said i well all part friends then for the girl is no worse and i am no worse and you will be just as i found you it was enough he said to overthrow the credit of his hotel voyez vous monsieur said he pointing to the foot of the bed we had been sitting upon i own it had something of the appearance of an evidence but my pride not suffering me to enter into any detail of the case i exhorted him to let his soul sleep in peace as i resolved to let mine do that night and that i would discharge what i owed him at breakfast i should not have minded monsieur said he if you had had twenty girls tis a score more replied i interrupting him than i ever reckond upon provided added he it had been but in a morning and does the difference of the time of the day at paris make a difference in the sin it made a difference he said in the scandal i like a good distinction in my heart and cannot say i was intolerably out of temper with the man i own it is necessary resumed the master of the hotel that a stranger at paris should have the opportunities presented to him of buying lace and silk stockings and ruffles et tout cela and tis nothing if a woman comes with a band box o my conscience said i she had one but i never lookd into it then monsieur said he has bought nothing not one earthly thing replied i because said he i could recommend one to you who would use you en conscience but i must see her this night said i he made me a low bow and walkd down now shall i triumph over this matre dhtel cried i and what then then i shall let him see i know he is a dirty fellow and what then what then i was too near myself to say it was for the sake of others i had no good answer left there was more of spleen than principle in my project and i was sick of it before the execution in a few minutes the grisette came in with her box of lace ill buy nothing however said i within myself the grisette would show me everything i was hard to please she would not seem to see it she opened her little magazine and laid all her laces one after another before me unfolded and folded them up again one by one with the most patient sweetness i might buy or not she would let me have everything at my own price the poor creature seemd anxious to get a penny and laid herself out to win me and not so much in a manner which seemd artful as in one i felt simple and caressing if there is not a fund of honest gullibility in man so much the worse my heart relented and i gave up my second resolution as quietly as the first why should i chastise one for the trespass of another if thou art tributary to this tyrant of an host thought i looking up in her face so much harder is thy bread if i had not had more than four louis dors in my purse there was no such thing as rising up and showing her the door till i had first laid three of them out in a pair of ruffles the master of the hotel will share the profit with her no matter then i have only paid as many a poor soul has paid before me for an act he could not do or think of the riddle paris when la fleur came up to wait upon me at supper he told me how sorry the master of the hotel was for his affront to me in bidding me change my lodgings a man who values a good nights rest will not lie down with enmity in his heart if he can help it so i bid la fleur tell the master of the hotel that i was sorry on my side for the occasion i had given him and you may tell him if you will la fleur added i that if the young woman should call again i shall not see her this was a sacrifice not to him but myself having resolved after so narrow an escape to run no more risks but to leave paris if it was possible with all the virtue i enterd it cest droger noblesse monsieur said la fleur making me a bow down to the ground as he said it et encore monsieur said he may change his sentiments and if he should like to amuse himself i find no amusement in it said i interrupting him mon dieu said la fleur and took away in an hours time he came to put me to bed and was more than commonly officious something hung upon his lips to say to me or ask me which he could not get off i could not conceive what it was and indeed gave myself little trouble to find it out as i had another riddle so much more interesting upon my mind which was that of the mans asking charity before the door of the hotel i would have given anything to have got to the bottom of it and that not out of curiosity tis so low a principle of enquiry in general i would not purchase the gratification of it with a two sous piece but a secret i thought which so soon and so certainly softend the heart of every woman you came near was a secret at least equal to the philosophers stone had i both the indies i would have given up one to have been master of it i tossd and turnd it almost all night long in my brains to no manner of purpose and when i awoke in the morning i found my spirits as much troubled with my dreams as ever the king of babylon had been with his and i will not hesitate to affirm it would have puzzled all the wise men of paris as much as those of chaldea to have given its interpretation le dimanche paris it was sunday and when la fleur came in in the morning with my coffee and roll and butter he had got himself so gallantly arrayd i scarce knew him i had covenanted at montreuil to give him a new hat with a silver button and loop and four louis dors pour sadoniser when we got to paris and the poor fellow to do him justice had done wonders with it he had bought a bright clean good scarlet coat and a pair of breeches of the same they were not a crown worse he said for the wearing i wishd him hangd for telling me they lookd so fresh that though i knew the thing could not be done yet i would rather have imposed upon my fancy with thinking i had bought them new for the fellow than that they had come out of the rue de friperie this is a nicety which makes not the heart sore at paris he had purchased moreover a handsome blue satin waistcoat fancifully enough embroidered this was indeed something the worse for the service it had done but twas clean scourd the gold had been touchd up and upon the whole was rather showy than otherwise and as the blue was not violent it suited with the coat and breeches very well he had squeezd out of the money moreover a new bag and a solitaire and had insisted with the fripier upon a gold pair of garters to his breeches knees he had purchased muslin ruffles bien brodes with four livres of his own money and a pair of white silk stockings for five more and to top all nature had given him a handsome figure without costing him a sous he entered the room thus set off with his hair dressed in the first style and with a handsome bouquet in his breast in a word there was that look of festivity in everything about him which at once put me in mind it was sunday and by combining both together it instantly struck me that the favour he wishd to ask of me the night before was to spend the day as every body in paris spent it besides i had scarce made the conjecture when la fleur with infinite humility but with a look of trust as if i should not refuse him beggd i would grant him the day pour faire le galant vis vis de sa matresse now it was the very thing i intended to do myself vis vis madame de r i had retained the remise on purpose for it and it would not have mortified my vanity to have had a servant so well dressd as la fleur was to have got up behind it i never could have worse spared him but we must feel not argue in these embarrassments the sons and daughters of service part with liberty but not with nature in their contracts they are flesh and blood and have their little vanities and wishes in the midst of the house of bondage as well as their task masters no doubt they have set their self denials at a price and their expectations are so unreasonable that i would often disappoint them but that their condition puts it so much in my power to do it behold behold i am thy servant disarms me at once of the powers of a master thou shalt go la fleur said i and what mistress la fleur said i canst thou have picked up in so little a time at paris la fleur laid his hand upon his breast and said twas a petite demoiselle at monsieur le count de b s la fleur had a heart made for society and to speak the truth of him let as few occasions slip him as his master so that somehow or other but how heaven knows he had connected himself with the demoiselle upon the landing of the staircase during the time i was taken up with my passport and as there was time enough for me to win the count to my interest la fleur had contrived to make it do to win the maid to his the family it seems was to be at paris that day and he had made a party with her and two or three more of the counts household upon the boulevards happy people that once a week at least are sure to lay down all your cares together and dance and sing and sport away the weights of grievance which bow down the spirit of other nations to the earth the fragment paris la fleur had left me something to amuse myself with for the day more than i had bargaind for or could have enterd either into his head or mine he had brought the little print of butter upon a currant leaf and as the morning was warm and he had a good step to bring it he had beggd a sheet of waste paper to put betwixt the currant leaf and his hand as that was plate sufficient i bade him lay it upon the table as it was and as i resolved to stay within all day i ordered him to call upon the trateur to bespeak my dinner and leave me to breakfast by myself when i had finished the butter i threw the currant leaf out of the window and was going to do the same by the waste paper but stopping to read a line first and that drawing me on to a second and third i thought it better worth so i shut the window and drawing a chair up to it i sat down to read it it was in the old french of rabelaiss time and for aught i know might have been wrote by him it was moreover in a gothic letter and that so faded and gone off by damps and length of time it cost me infinite trouble to make anything of it i threw it down and then wrote a letter to eugenius then i took it up again and embroiled my patience with it afresh and then to cure that i wrote a letter to eliza still it kept hold of me and the difficulty of understanding it increased but the desire i got my dinner and after i had enlightened my mind with a bottle of burgundy i at it again and after two or three hours poring upon it with almost as deep attention as ever gruter or jacob spon did upon a nonsensical inscription i thought i made sense of it but to make sure of it the best way i imagined was to turn it into english and see how it would look then so i went on leisurely as a trifling man does sometimes writing a sentence then taking a turn or two and then looking how the world went out of the window so that it was nine oclock at night before i had done it i then began and read it as follows the fragment paris now as the notarys wife disputed the point with the notary with too much heat i wish said the notary that there was another notary here only to set down and attest all this and what would you do then monsieur said she rising hastily up the notarys wife was a little fume of a woman and the notary thought it well to avoid a hurricane by a mild reply i would go answered he to bed you may go to the devil answerd the notarys wife now there happening to be but one bed in the house the other two rooms being unfurnished as is the custom at paris and the notary not caring to lie in the same bed with a woman who had but that moment sent him pell mell to the devil went forth with his hat and cane and short cloak the night being very windy and walkd out ill at ease towards the pont neuf of all the bridges which ever were built the whole world who have passd over the pont neuf must own that it is the noblest the finest the grandest the lightest the longest the broadest that ever conjoind land and land together upon the face of the terraqueous globe the worst fault which divines and the doctors of the sorbonne can allege against it is that if there is but a capfull of wind in or about paris tis more blasphemously sacre dieud there than in any other aperture of the whole city and with reason good and cogent messieurs for it comes against you without crying garde deau and with such unpremeditable puffs that of the few who cross it with their hats on not one in fifty but hazards two livres and a half which is its full worth the poor notary just as he was passing by the sentry instinctively clappd his cane to the side of it but in raising it up the point of his cane catching hold of the loop of the sentinels hat hoisted it over the spikes of the ballustrade clear into the seine tis an ill wind said a boatman who catched it which blows nobody any good the sentry being a gascon incontinently twirled up his whiskers and levelld his arquebuss arquebusses in those days went off with matches and an old womans paper lantern at the end of the bridge happening to be blown out she had borrowd the sentrys match to light it it gave a moments time for the gascons blood to run cool and turn the accident better to his advantage tis an ill wind said he catching off the notarys castor and legitimating the capture with the boatmans adage the poor notary crossed the bridge and passing along the rue de dauphine into the fauxbourgs of st germain lamented himself as he walked along in this manner luckless man that i am said the notary to be the sport of hurricanes all my days to be born to have the storm of ill language levelld against me and my profession wherever i go to be forced into marriage by the thunder of the church to a tempest of a woman to be driven forth out of my house by domestic winds and despoild of my castor by pontific ones to be here bareheaded in a windy night at the mercy of the ebbs and flows of accidents where am i to lay my head miserable man what wind in the two and thirty points of the whole compass can blow unto thee as it does to the rest of thy fellow creatures good as the notary was passing on by a dark passage complaining in this sort a voice calld out to a girl to bid her run for the next notary now the notary being the next and availing himself of his situation walkd up the passage to the door and passing through an old sort of a saloon was usherd into a large chamber dismantled of everything but a long military pike a breastplate a rusty old sword and bandoleer hung up equidistant in four different places against the wall an old personage who had heretofore been a gentleman and unless decay of fortune taints the blood along with it was a gentleman at that time lay supporting his head upon his hand in his bed a little table with a taper burning was set close beside it and close by the table was placed a chair the notary sat him down in it and pulling out his inkhorn and a sheet or two of paper which he had in his pocket he placed them before him and dipping his pen in his ink and leaning his breast over the table he disposed everything to make the gentlemans last will and testament alas monsieur le notaire said the gentleman raising himself up a little i have nothing to bequeath which will pay the expense of bequeathing except the history of myself which i could not die in peace unless i left it as a legacy to the world the profits arising out of it i bequeath to you for the pains of taking it from me it is a story so uncommon it must be read by all mankind it will make the fortunes of your house the notary dippd his pen into his inkhorn almighty director of every event in my life said the old gentleman looking up earnestly and raising his hands towards heaven thou whose hand has led me on through such a labyrinth of strange passages down into this scene of desolation assist the decaying memory of an old infirm and broken hearted man direct my tongue by the spirit of thy eternal truth that this stranger may set down nought but what is written in that book from whose records said he clasping his hands together i am to be condemnd or acquitted the notary held up the point of his pen betwixt the taper and his eye it is a story monsieur le notaire said the gentleman which will rouse up every affection in nature it will kill the humane and touch the heart of cruelty herself with pity the notary was inflamed with a desire to begin and put his pen a third time into his ink horn and the old gentleman turning a little more towards the notary began to dictate his story in these words and where is the rest of it la fleur said i as he just then enterd the room the fragment and the bouquet paris when la fleur came up close to the table and was made to comprehend what i wanted he told me there were only two other sheets of it which he had wrapped round the stalks of a bouquet to keep it together which he had presented to the demoiselle upon the boulevards then prithee la fleur said i step back to her to the count de b s hotel and see if thou canst get it there is no doubt of it said la fleur and away he flew in a very little time the poor fellow came back quite out of breath with deeper marks of disappointment in his looks than could arise from the simple irreparability of the fragment juste ciel in less than two minutes that the poor fellow had taken his last tender farewell of her his faithless mistress had given his gage damour to one of the counts footmen the footman to a young sempstress and the sempstress to a fiddler with my fragment at the end of it our misfortunes were involved together i gave a sigh and la fleur echoed it back again to my ear how perfidious cried la fleur how unlucky said i i should not have been mortified monsieur quoth la fleur if she had lost it nor i la fleur said i had i found it whether i did or no will be seen hereafter the act of charity paris the man who either disdains or fears to walk up a dark entry may be an excellent good man and fit for a hundred things but he will not do to make a good sentimental traveller i count little of the many things i see pass at broad noonday in large and open streets nature is shy and hates to act before spectators but in such an unobserved corner you sometimes see a single short scene of hers worth all the sentiments of a dozen french plays compounded together and yet they are absolutely fine and whenever i have a more brilliant affair upon my hands than common as they suit a preacher just as well as a hero i generally make my sermon out of em and for the text cappadocia pontus and asia phrygia and pamphylia is as good as any one in the bible there is a long dark passage issuing out from the opera comique into a narrow street tis trod by a few who humbly wait for a fiacre or wish to get off quietly ofoot when the opera is done at the end of it towards the theatre tis lighted by a small candle the light of which is almost lost before you get half way down but near the door tis more for ornament than use you see it as a fixed star of the least magnitude it burns but does little good to the world that we know of in returning along this passage i discerned as i approached within five or six paces of the door two ladies standing arm in arm with their backs against the wall waiting as i imagined for a fiacre as they were next the door i thought they had a prior right so edged myself up within a yard or little more of them and quietly took my stand i was in black and scarce seen the lady next me was a tall lean figure of a woman of about thirty six the other of the same size and make of about forty there was no mark of wife or widow in any one part of either of them they seemd to be two upright vestal sisters unsapped by caresses unbroke in upon by tender salutations i could have wishd to have made them happy their happiness was destind that night to come from another quarter a low voice with a good turn of expression and sweet cadence at the end of it beggd for a twelve sous piece betwixt them for the love of heaven i thought it singular that a beggar should fix the quota of an alms and that the sum should be twelve times as much as what is usually given in the dark they both seemed astonished at it as much as myself twelve sous said one a twelve sous piece said the other and made no reply the poor man said he knew not how to ask less of ladies of their rank and bowd down his head to the ground poo said they we have no money the beggar remained silent for a moment or two and renewd his supplication do not my fair young ladies said he stop your good ears against me upon my word honest man said the younger we have no change then god bless you said the poor man and multiply those joys which you can give to others without change i observed the elder sister put her hand into her pocket ill see said she if i have a sous a sous give twelve said the supplicant nature has been bountiful to you be bountiful to a poor man i would friend with all my heart said the younger if i had it my fair charitable said he addressing himself to the elder what is it but your goodness and humanity which makes your bright eyes so sweet that they outshine the morning even in this dark passage and what was it which made the marquis de santerre and his brother say so much of you both as they just passed by the two ladies seemed much affected and impulsively at the same time they both put their hands into their pocket and each took out a twelve sous piece the contest betwixt them and the poor supplicant was no more it was continued betwixt themselves which of the two should give the twelve sous piece in charity and to end the dispute they both gave it together and the man went away the riddle explained paris i stepped hastily after him it was the very man whose success in asking charity of the women before the door of the hotel had so puzzled me and i found at once his secret or at least the basis of it twas flattery delicious essence how refreshing art thou to nature how strongly are all its powers and all its weaknesses on thy side how sweetly dost thou mix with the blood and help it through the most difficult and tortuous passages to the heart the poor man as he was not straitend for time had given it here in a larger dose tis certain he had a way of bringing it into a less form for the many sudden cases he had to do with in the streets but how he contrived to correct sweeten concentre and qualify it i vex not my spirit with the enquiry it is enough the beggar gained two twelve sous pieces and they can best tell the rest who have gained much greater matters by it paris we get forwards in the world not so much by doing services as receiving them you take a withering twig and put it in the ground and then you water it because you have planted it monsieur le count de b merely because he had done me one kindness in the affair of my passport would go on and do me another the few days he was at paris in making me known to a few people of rank and they were to present me to others and so on i had got master of my secret just in time to turn these honours to some little account otherwise as is commonly the case i should have dined or suppd a single time or two round and then by translating french looks and attitudes into plain english i should presently have seen that i had hold of the couvert of some more entertaining guest and in course should have resigned all my places one after another merely upon the principle that i could not keep them as it was things did not go much amiss i had the honour of being introduced to the old marquis de b in days of yore he had signalized himself by some small feats of chivalry in the cour damour and had dressd himself out to the idea of tilts and tournaments ever since the marquis de b wishd to have it thought the affair was somewhere else than in his brain he could like to take a trip to england and asked much of the english ladies stay where you are i beseech you monsieur le marquis said i les messieurs anglois can scarce get a kind look from them as it is the marquis invited me to supper monsieur p the farmer general was just as inquisitive about our taxes they were very considerable he heard if we knew but how to collect them said i making him a low bow i could never have been invited to mons p s concerts upon any other terms i had been misrepresented to madame de q as an esprit madame de q was an esprit herself she burnt with impatience to see me and hear me talk i had not taken my seat before i saw she did not care a sous whether i had any wit or no i was let in to be convinced she had i call heaven to witness i never once opened the door of my lips madame de v vowd to every creature she met she had never had a more improving conversation with a man in her life there are three epochas in the empire of a french woman she is coquette then deist then dvote the empire during these is never lost she only changes her subjects when thirty five years and more have unpeopled her dominion of the slaves of love she re peoples it with slaves of infidelity and then with the slaves of the church madame de v was vibrating betwixt the first of those epochas the colour of the rose was fading fast away she ought to have been a deist five years before the time i had the honour to pay my first visit she placed me upon the same sofa with her for the sake of disputing the point of religion more closely in short madame de v told me she believed nothing i told madame de v it might be her principle but i was sure it could not be her interest to level the outworks without which i could not conceive how such a citadel as hers could be defended that there was not a more dangerous thing in the world than for a beauty to be a deist that it was a debt i owed my creed not to conceal it from her that i had not been five minutes sat upon the sofa beside her but i had begun to form designs and what is it but the sentiments of religion and the persuasion they had excited in her breast which could have checkd them as they rose up we are not adamant said i taking hold of her hand and there is need of all restraints till age in her own time steals in and lays them on us but my dear lady said i kissing her hand tis too too soon i declare i had the credit all over paris of unperverting madame de v she affirmed to monsieur d and the abb m that in one half hour i had said more for revealed religion than all their encyclopaedia had said against it i was listed directly into madame de v s coterie and she put off the epocha of deism for two years i remember it was in this coterie in the middle of a discourse in which i was showing the necessity of a first cause when the young count de faineant took me by the hand to the farthest corner of the room to tell me my solitaire was pinnd too straight about my neck it should be plus badinant said the count looking down upon his own but a word monsieur yorick to the wise and from the wise monsieur le count replied i making him a bow is enough the count de faineant embraced me with more ardour than ever i was embraced by mortal man for three weeks together i was of every mans opinion i met pardi ce monsieur yorick a autant desprit que nous autres il raisonne bien said another cest un bon enfant said a third and at this price i could have eaten and drank and been merry all the days of my life at paris but twas a dishonest reckoning i grew ashamed of it it was the gain of a slave every sentiment of honour revolted against it the higher i got the more was i forced upon my beggarly system the better the coterie the more children of art i languishd for those of nature and one night after a most vile prostitution of myself to half a dozen different people i grew sick went to bed orderd la fleur to get me horses in the morning to set out for italy maria moulines i never felt what the distress of plenty was in any one shape till now to travel it through the bourbonnois the sweetest part of france in the heyday of the vintage when nature is pouring her abundance into every ones lap and every eye is lifted up a journey through each step of which music beats time to labour and all her children are rejoicing as they carry in their clusters to pass through this with my affections flying out and kindling at every group before me and every one of them was pregnant with adventures just heaven it would fill up twenty volumes and alas i have but a few small pages left of this to crowd it into and half of these must be taken up with the poor maria my friend mr shandy met with near moulines the story he had told of that disordered maid affected me not a little in the reading but when i got within the neighbourhood where she lived it returned so strong into the mind that i could not resist an impulse which prompted me to go half a league out of the road to the village where her parents dwelt to enquire after her tis going i own like the knight of the woeful countenance in quest of melancholy adventures but i know not how it is but i am never so perfectly conscious of the existence of a soul within me as when i am entangled in them the old mother came to the door her looks told me the story before she opend her mouth she had lost her husband he had died she said of anguish for the loss of marias senses about a month before she had feared at first she added that it would have plunderd her poor girl of what little understanding was left but on the contrary it had brought her more to herself still she could not rest her poor daughter she said crying was wandering somewhere about the road why does my pulse beat languid as i write this and what made la fleur whose heart seemd only to be tuned to joy to pass the back of his hand twice across his eyes as the woman stood and told it i beckoned to the postilion to turn back into the road when we had got within half a league of moulines at a little opening in the road leading to a thicket i discovered poor maria sitting under a poplar she was sitting with her elbow in her lap and her head leaning on one side within her hand a small brook ran at the foot of the tree i bid the postilion go on with the chaise to moulines and la fleur to bespeak my supper and that i would walk after him she was dressd in white and much as my friend described her except that her hair hung loose which before was twisted within a silk net she had superadded likewise to her jacket a pale green riband which fell across her shoulder to the waist at the end of which hung her pipe her goat had been as faithless as her lover and she had got a little dog in lieu of him which she had kept tied by a string to her girdle as i looked at her dog she drew him towards her with the string thou shalt not leave me sylvio said she i lookd in marias eyes and saw she was thinking more of her father than of her lover or her little goat for as she utterd them the tears trickled down her cheeks i sat down close by her and maria let me wipe them away as they fell with my handkerchief i then steepd it in my own and then in hers and then in mine and then i wipd hers again and as i did it i felt such undescribable emotions within me as i am sure could not be accounted for from any combinations of matter and motion i am positive i have a soul nor can all the books with which materialists have pesterd the world ever convince me to the contrary maria when maria had come a little to herself i askd her if she remembered a pale thin person of a man who had sat down betwixt her and her goat about two years before she said she was unsettled much at that time but remembered it upon two accounts that ill as she was she saw the person pitied her and next that her goat had stolen his handkerchief and she had beat him for the theft she had washd it she said in the brook and kept it ever since in her pocket to restore it to him in case she should ever see him again which she added he had half promised her as she told me this she took the handkerchief out of her pocket to let me see it she had folded it up neatly in a couple of vine leaves tied round with a tendril on opening it i saw an s marked in one of the corners she had since that she told me strayd as far as rome and walkd round st peters once and returnd back that she found her way alone across the apennines had travelld over all lombardy without money and through the flinty roads of savoy without shoes how she had borne it and how she had got supported she could not tell but god tempers the wind said maria to the shorn lamb shorn indeed and to the quick said i and wast thou in my own land where i have a cottage i would take thee to it and shelter thee thou shouldst eat of my own bread and drink of my own cup i would be kind to thy sylvio in all thy weaknesses and wanderings i would seek after thee and bring thee back when the sun went down i would say my prayers and when i had done thou shouldst play thy evening song upon thy pipe nor would the incense of my sacrifice be worse accepted for entering heaven along with that of a broken heart nature melted within me as i utterd this and maria observing as i took out my handkerchief that it was steepd too much already to be of use would needs go wash it in the stream and where will you dry it maria said i ill dry it in my bosom said she twill do me good and is your heart still so warm maria said i i touchd upon the string on which hung all her sorrows she lookd with wistful disorder for some time in my face and then without saying any thing took her pipe and playd her service to the virgin the string i had touched ceased to vibrate in a moment or two maria returned to herself let her pipe fall and rose up and where are you going maria said i she said to moulines let us go said i together maria put her arm within mine and lengthening the string to let the dog follow in that order we enterd moulines maria moulines though i hate salutations and greetings in the market place yet when we got into the middle of this i stoppd to take my last look and last farewell of maria maria though not tall was nevertheless of the first order of fine forms affliction had touched her looks with something that was scarce earthly still she was feminine and so much was there about her of all that the heart wishes or the eye looks for in woman that could the traces be ever worn out of her brain and those of eliza out of mine she should not only eat of my bread and drink of my own cup but maria should lie in my bosom and be unto me as a daughter adieu poor luckless maiden imbibe the oil and wine which the compassion of a stranger as he journeyeth on his way now pours into thy wounds the being who has twice bruised thee can only bind them up for ever the bourbonnnois there was nothing from which i had painted out for my self so joyous a riot of the affections as in this journey in the vintage through this part of france but pressing through this gate of sorrow to it my sufferings have totally unfitted me in every scene of festivity i saw maria in the background of the piece sitting pensive under her poplar and i had got almost to lyons before i was able to cast a shade across her dear sensibility source inexhausted of all thats precious in our joys or costly in our sorrows thou chainest thy martyr down upon his bed of straw and tis thou who liftst him up to heaven eternal fountain of our feelings tis here i trace thee and this is thy divinity which stirs within me not that in some sad and sickening moments my soul shrinks back upon herself and startles at destruction mere pomp of words but that i feel some generous joys and generous cares beyond myself all comes from thee great great sensorium of the world which vibrates if a hair of our heads but falls upon the ground in the remotest desert of thy creation touchd with thee eugenius draws my curtain when i languish hears my tale of symptoms and blames the weather for the disorder of his nerves thou givst a portion of it sometimes to the roughest peasant who traverses the bleakest mountains he finds the lacerated lamb of anothers flock this moment i behold him leaning with his head against his crook with piteous inclination looking down upon it oh had i come one moment sooner it bleeds to death his gentle heart bleeds with it peace to thee generous swain i see thou walkest off with anguish but thy joys shall balance it for happy is thy cottage and happy is the sharer of it and happy are the lambs which sport about you the supper a shoe coming loose from the fore foot of the thill horse at the beginning of the ascent of mount taurira the postilion dismounted twisted the shoe off and put it in his pocket as the ascent was of five or six miles and that horse our main dependence i made a point of having the shoe fastened on again as well as we could but the postilion had thrown away the nails and the hammer in the chaise box being of no great use without them i submitted to go on he had not mounted half a mile higher when coming to a flinty piece of road the poor devil lost a second shoe and from off his other fore foot i then got out of the chaise in good earnest and seeing a house about a quarter of a mile to the left hand with a great deal to do i prevailed upon the postilion to turn up to it the look of the house and of every thing about it as we drew nearer soon reconciled me to the disaster it was a little farm house surrounded with about twenty acres of vineyard about as much corn and close to the house on one side was a potagerie of an acre and a half full of everything which could make plenty in a french peasants house and on the other side was a little wood which furnished wherewithal to dress it it was about eight in the evening when i got to the house so i left the postilion to manage his point as he could and for mine i walked directly into the house the family consisted of an old grey headed man and his wife with five or six sons and sons in law and their several wives and a joyous genealogy out of them they were all sitting down together to their lentil soup a large wheaten loaf was in the middle of the table and a flagon of wine at each end of it promised joy through the stages of the repast twas a feast of love the old man rose up to meet me and with a respectful cordiality would have me sit down at the table my heart was set down the moment i enterd the room so i sat down at once like a son of the family and to invest myself in the character as speedily as i could i instantly borrowed the old mans knife and taking up the loaf cut myself a hearty luncheon and as i did it i saw a testimony in every eye not only of an honest welcome but of a welcome mixd with thanks that i had not seemd to doubt it was it this or tell me nature what else it was that made this morsel so sweet and to what magic i owe it that the draught i took of their flagon was so delicious with it that they remain upon my palate to this hour if the supper was to my taste the grace which followed it was much more so the grace when supper was over the old man gave a knock upon the table with the haft of his knife to bid them prepare for the dance the moment the signal was given the women and girls ran altogether into a back apartment to tie up their hair and the young men to the door to wash their faces and change their sabots and in three minutes every soul was ready upon a little esplanade before the house to begin the old man and his wife came out last and placing me betwixt them sat down upon a sofa of turf by the door the old man had some fifty years ago been no mean performer upon the vielle and at the age he was then of touchd it well enough for the purpose his wife sung now and then a little to the tune then intermitted and joind her old man again as their children and grand children danced before them it was not till the middle of the second dance when from some pauses in the movements wherein they all seemed to look up i fancied i could distinguish an elevation of spirit different from that which is the cause or the effect of simple jollity in a word i thought i beheld religion mixing in the dance but as i had never seen her so engaged i should have lookd upon it now as one of the illusions of an imagination which is eternally misleading me had not the old man as soon as the dance ended said that this was their constant way and that all his life long he had made it a rule after supper was over to call out his family to dance and rejoice believing he said that a cheerful and contented mind was the best sort of thanks to heaven that an illiterate peasant could pay or a learned prelate either said i the case of delicacy when you have gained the top of mount taurira you run presently down to lyons adieu then to all rapid movements tis a journey of caution and it fares better with sentiments not to be in a hurry with them so i contracted with a voiturin to take his time with a couple of mules and convoy me in my own chaise safe to turin through savoy poor patient quiet honest people fear not your poverty the treasury of your simple virtues will not be envied you by the world nor will your valleys be invaded by it nature in the midst of thy disorders thou art still friendly to the scantiness thou hast created with all thy great works about thee little hast thou left to give either to the scythe or to the sickle but to that little thou grantest safety and protection and sweet are the dwellings which stand so shelterd let the way worn traveller vent his complaints upon the sudden turns and dangers of your roads your rocks your precipices the difficulties of getting up the horrors of getting down mountains impracticable and cataracts which roll down great stones from their summits and block his road up the peasants had been all day at work in removing a fragment of this kind between st michael and madane and by the time my voiturin got to the place it wanted full two hours of completing before a passage could any how be gaind there was nothing but to wait with patience twas a wet and tempestuous night so that by the delay and that together the voiturin found himself obliged to put up five miles short of his stage at a little decent kind of an inn by the roadside i forthwith took possession of my bedchamber got a good fire orderd supper and was thanking heaven it was no worse when a voiture arrived with a lady in it and her servant maid as there was no other bed chamber in the house the hostess without much nicety led them into mine telling them as she usherd them in that there was nobody in it but an english gentleman that there were two good beds in it and a closet within the room which held another the accent in which she spoke of this third bed did not say much for it however she said there were three beds and but three people and she durst say the gentleman would do anything to accommodate matters i left not the lady a moment to make a conjecture about it so instantly made a declaration that i would do anything in my power as this did not amount to an absolute surrender of my bed chamber i still felt myself so much the proprietor as to have a right to do the honours of it so i desired the lady to sit down pressed her into the warmest seat called for more wood desired the hostess to enlarge the plan of the supper and to favour us with the very best wine the lady had scarce warmd herself five minutes at the fire before she began to turn her head back and give a look at the beds and the oftener she cast her eyes that way the more they returnd perplexd i felt for her and for myself for in a few minutes what by her looks and the case itself i found myself as much embarrassed as it was possible the lady could be herself that the beds we were to lie in were in one and the same room was enough simply by itself to have excited all this but the position of them for they stood parallel and so very close to each other as only to allow space for a small wicker chair betwixt them rendered the affair still more oppressive to us they were fixed up moreover near the fire and the projection of the chimney on one side and a large beam which crossd the room on the other formed a kind of recess for them that was no way favourable to the nicety of our sensations if anything could have added to it it was that the two beds were both of them so very small as to cut us off from every idea of the lady and the maid lying together which in either of them could it have been feasible my lying beside them though a thing not to be wishd yet there was nothing in it so terrible which the imagination might not have passd over without torment as for the little room within it offerd little or no consolation to us twas a damp cold closet with a half dismantled window shutter and with a window which had neither glass nor oil paper in it to keep out the tempest of the night i did not endeavour to stifle my cough when the lady gave a peep into it so it reduced the case in course to this alternative that the lady should sacrifice her health to her feelings and take up with the closet herself and abandon the bed next mine to her maid or that the girl should take the closet c c the lady was a piedmontese of about thirty with a glow of health in her cheeks the maid was a lyonoise of twenty and as brisk and lively a french girl as ever moved there were difficulties every way and the obstacle of the stone in the road which brought us into the distress great as it appeared whilst the peasants were removing it was but a pebble to what lay in our ways now i have only to add that it did not lessen the weight which hung upon our spirits that we were both too delicate to communicate what we felt to each other upon the occasion we sat down to supper and had we not had more generous wine to it than a little inn in savoy could have furnishd our tongues had been tied up till necessity herself had set them at liberty but the lady having a few bottles of burgundy in her voiture sent down her fille de chambre for a couple of them so that by the time supper was over and we were left alone we felt ourselves inspired with a strength of mind sufficient to talk at least without reserve upon our situation we turnd it every way and debated and considered it in all kinds of lights in the course of a two hours negotiation at the end of which the articles were settled finally betwixt us and stipulated for in form and manner of a treaty of peace and i believe with as much religion and good faith on both sides as in any treaty which has yet had the honour of being handed down to posterity they were as follow first as the right of the bed chamber is in monsieur and he thinking the bed next to the fire to be the warmest he insists upon the concession on the ladys side of taking up with it granted on the part of madame with a proviso that as the curtains of that bed are of a flimsy transparent cotton and appear likewise too scanty to draw close that the fille de chambre shall fasten up the opening either by corking pins or needle and thread in such manner as shall be deemd a sufficient barrier on the side of monsieur 2dly it is required on the part of madame that monsieur shall lie the whole night through in his robe de chambre rejected inasmuch as monsieur is not worth a robe de chambre he having nothing in his portmanteau but six shirts and a black silk pair of breeches the mentioning the silk pair of breeches made an entire change of the article for the breeches were accepted as an equivalent for the robe de chambre and so it was stipulated and agreed upon that i should lie in my black silk breeches all night 3dly it was insisted upon and stipulated for by the lady that after monsieur was got to bed and the candle and fire extinguished that monsieur should not speak one single word the whole night granted provided monsieurs saying his prayers might not be deemed an infraction of the treaty there was but one point forgot in this treaty and that was the manner in which the lady and myself should be obliged to undress and get to bed there was but one way of doing it and that i leave to the reader to devise protesting as i do it that if it is not the most delicate in nature tis the fault of his own imagination against which this is not my first complaint now when we were got to bed whether it was the novelty of the situation or what it was i know not but so it was i could not shut my eyes i tried this side and that and turnd and turnd again till a full hour after midnight when nature and patience both wearing out o my god said i you have broke the treaty monsieur said the lady who had no more slept than myself i beggd a thousand pardons but insisted it was no more than an ejaculation she maintained twas an entire infraction of the treaty i maintained it was provided for in the clause of the third article the lady would by no means give up her point though she weakend her barrier by it for in the warmth of the dispute i could hear two or three corking pins fall out of the curtain to the ground upon my word and honour madame said i stretching my arm out of bed by way of asseveration but the fille de chambre hearing there were words between us and fearing that hostilities would ensue in course had crept silently out of her closet and it being totally dark had stolen so close to our beds that she had got herself into the narrow passage which separated them and had advanced so far up as to be in a line betwixt her mistress and me so that when i stretchd out my hand i caught hold of the fille de chambres 2