i wake up at 8am kiss her face and worry about the day ahead make the bed while im still in it a trick i learned from the internet ok ok take my dose of adderall 5mg should be enough today because i cant focus on anything that isnt on my phone or a video game anymore i dont like being home i feel my roots begin to grow into a ground that was never meant to be permanent for me permanent for me next to the piano bench on christmas day i asked her to marry me we spent the whole day traveling from house to house to tell our families and that night she asked knowingly what does this mean for our plans of leaving for the west coast i said cassie just one more year then well make our move away from here i swear i swear i swear i think i hope i swear she said i cant stand living here the more i do the more i fear the ground below will slowly come to be permanent for me permanent for me should i let my heart get swallowed by this fear of giving in or stay hidden here forever on the beach of indifference the longer its in front of me the less clear it becomes do i want this to be permanent for me permanent for me permanent for me i hope its not permanent for me i hope its not permanent for me i hope its not permanent for me i hope its not permanent for me