for guidelines on how to annotate this text go to this where are you going where have you been joyce carol oates for bob dylan her name was connie she was fifteen and she had a quick nervous giggling habit of craning her neck to glance into mirrors or checking other people s faces to make sure her own was all right her mother who noticed everything and knew everything and who hadn t much reason any longer to look at her own face always scolded connie about it stop gawking at yourself who are you you think you re so pretty she would say connie would raise her eyebrows at these familiar old complaints and look right through her mother into a shadowy vision of herself as she was right at that moment she knew she was pretty and that was everything her mother had been pretty once too if you could believe those old snapshots in the album but now her looks were gone and that was why she was always after connie why don t you keep your room clean like your sister how ve you got your hair fixedwhat the hell stinks hair spray you don t see your sister using that junk her sister june was twenty four and still lived at home she was a secretary in the high school connie attended and if that wasn t bad enoughwith her in the same buildingshe was so plain and chunky and steady that connie had to hear her praised all the time by her mother and her mother s sisters june did this june did that she saved money and helped clean the house and cookedand connie couldn t do a thing her mind was all filled with trashy daydreams their father was away at work most of the time and when he came home he wanted supper and he read the newspaper at supper and after supper he went to bed he didn t bother talking much to them but around his bent head connie s mother kept picking at her until connie wished her mother was dead and she herself was dead and it was all over she makes me want to throw up sometimes she complained to her friends she had a high breathless amused voice that made everything she said sound a little forced whether it was sincere or not there was one good thing june went places with girl friends of hers girls who were just as plain and steady as she and so when connie wanted to do that her mother had no objections the father of connie s best girl friend drove the girls the three miles to town and left them at a shopping plaza so they could walk through the stores or go to a movie and when he came to pick them up again at eleven he never bothered to ask what they had done they must have been familiar sights walking around the shopping plaza in their shorts and flat ballerina slippers that always scuffed the sidewalk with charm bracelets jingling on their thin wrists they would lean together to whisper and laugh secretly if someone passed who amused or interested them connie had long dark blond hair that drew anyone s eye to it and she wore part of it pulled up on her head and puffed out and the rest of it she let fall down her back she wore a pull over jersey blouse that looked one way when she was at home and another way when she was away from home everything about her had two sides to it one for home and one for anywhere that was not home her walk which could be childlike and bobbing or languid enough to make anyone think she was hearing music in her head her mouth which was pale and smirking most of the time but bright and pink on these evenings out her laugh which was cynical and drawling at home ha ha very funny but highpitched and nervous anywhere else like the jingling of the charms on her bracelet sometimes they did go shopping or to a movie but sometimes they went across the highway ducking fast across the busy road to a drive in restaurant where older kids hung out the restaurant was shaped like a big bottle though squatter than a real bottle and on its cap was a revolving figure of a grinning boy holding a hamburger aloft one night in midsummer they ran across breathless with daring and right away someone leaned out a car window and invited them over but it was just a boy from high school they didn t like it made them feel good to be able to ignore him they went up through the maze of parked and cruising cars to the bright lit fly infested restaurant their faces pleased and expectant as if they were entering a sacred building that loomed up out of the night to give them what haven and blessing they yearned for they sat at the counter and crossed their legs at the ankles their thin shoulders rigid with excitement and listened to the music that made everything so good the music was always in the background like music at a church service it was something to depend upon a boy named eddie came in to talk with them he sat backwards on his stool turning himself jerkily around in semicircles and then stopping and turning back again and after a while he asked connie if she would like something to eat she said she would and so she tapped her friend s arm on her way outher friend pulled her face up into a brave droll lookand connie said she would meet her at eleven across the way i just hate to leave her like that connie said earnestly but the boy said that she wouldn t be alone for long so they went out to his car and on the way connie couldn t help but let her eyes wander over the windshields and faces all around her her face gleaming with a joy that had nothing to do with eddie or even this place it might have been the music she drew her shoulders up and sucked in her breath with the pure pleasure of being alive and just at that moment she happened to glance at a face just a few feet from hers it was a boy with shaggy black hair in a convertible jalopy painted gold he stared at her and then his lips widened into a grin connie slit her eyes at him and turned away but she couldn t help glancing back and there he was still watching her he wagged a finger and laughed and said gonna get you baby and connie turned away again without eddie noticing anything she spent three hours with him at the restaurant where they ate hamburgers and drank cokes in wax cups that were always sweating and then down an alley a mile or so away and when he left her off at five to eleven only the movie house was still open at the plaza her girl friend was there talking with a boy when connie came up the two girls smiled at each other and connie said how was the movie and the girl said you should know they rode off with the girl s father sleepy and pleased and connie couldn t help but look back at the darkened shopping plaza with its big empty parking lot and its signs that were faded and ghostly now and over at the drive in restaurant where cars were still circling tirelessly she couldn t hear the music at this distance next morning june asked her how the movie was and connie said so so she and that girl and occasionally another girl went out several times a week and the rest of the time connie spent around the houseit was summer vacationgetting in her mother s way and thinking dreaming about the boys she met but all the boys fell back and dissolved into a single face that was not even a face but an idea a feeling mixed up with the urgent insistent pounding of the music and the humid night air of july connie s mother kept dragging her back to the daylight by finding things for her to do or saying suddenly what s this about the pettinger girl and connie would say nervously oh her that dope she always drew thick clear lines between herself and such girls and her mother was simple and kind enough to believe it her mother was so simple connie thought that it was maybe cruel to fool her so much her mother went scuffling around the house in old bedroom slippers and complained over the telephone to one sister about the other then the other called up and the two of them complained about the third one if june s name was mentioned her mother s tone was approving and if connie s name was mentioned it was disapproving this did not really mean she disliked connie and actually connie thought that her mother preferred her to june just because she was prettier but the two of them kept up a pretense of exasperation a sense that they were tugging and struggling over something of little value to either of them sometimes over coffee they were almost friends but something would come upsome vexation that was like a fly buzzing suddenly around their headsand their faces went hard with contempt one sunday connie got up at elevennone of them bothered with churchand washed her hair so that it could dry all day long in the sun her parents and sister were going to a barbecue at an aunt s house and connie said no she wasn t interested rolling her eyes to let her mother know just what she thought of it stay home alone then her mother said sharply connie sat out back in a lawn chair and watched them drive away her father quiet and bald hunched around so that he could back the car out her mother with a look that was still angry and not at all softened through the windshield and in the back seat poor old june all dressed up as if she didn t know what a barbecue was with all the running yelling kids and the flies connie sat with her eyes closed in the sun dreaming and dazed with the warmth about her as if this were a kind of love the caresses of love and her mind slipped over onto thoughts of the boy she had been with the night before and how nice he had been how sweet it always was not the way someone like june would suppose but sweet gentle the way it was in movies and promised in songs and when she opened her eyes she hardly knew where she was the back yard ran off into weeds and a fence like line of trees and behind it the sky was perfectly blue and still the asbestos ranch house that was now three years old startled herit looked small she shook her head as if to get awake it was too hot she went inside the house and turned on the radio to drown out the quiet she sat on the edge of her bed barefoot and listened for an hour and a half to a program called xyz sunday jamboree record after record of hard fast shrieking songs she sang along with interspersed by exclamations from bobby king an look here you girls at napoleon sson and charley want you to pay real close attention to this song coming up and connie paid close attention herself bathed in a glow of slow pulsed joy that seemed to rise mysteriously out of the music itself and lay languidly about the airless little room breathed in and breathed out with each gentle rise and fall of her chest after a while she heard a car coming up the drive she sat up at once startled because it couldn t be her father so soon the gravel kept crunching all the way in from the roadthe driveway was longand connie ran to the window it was a car she didn t know it was an open jalopy painted a bright gold that caught the sunlight opaquely her heart began to pound and her fingers snatched at her hair checking it and she whispered christ christ wondering how bad she looked the car came to a stop at the side door and the horn sounded four short taps as if this were a signal connie knew she went into the kitchen and approached the door slowly then hung out the screen door her bare toes curling down off the step there were two boys in the car and now she recognized the driver he had shaggy shabby black hair that looked crazy as a wig and he was grinning at her i ain t late am i he said who the hell do you think you are connie said toldja i d be out didn t i i don t even know who you are she spoke sullenly careful to show no interest or pleasure and he spoke in a fast bright monotone connie looked past him to the other boy taking her time he had fair brown hair with a lock that fell onto his forehead his sideburns gave him a fierce embarrassed look but so far he hadn t even bothered to glance at her both boys wore sunglasses the driver s glasses were metallic and mirrored everything in miniature you wanta come for a ride he said connie smirked and let her hair fall loose over one shoulder don tcha like my car new paint job he said hey what you re cute she pretended to fidget chasing flies away from the door don tcha believe me or what he said look i don t even know who you are connie said in disgust hey ellie s got a radio see mine broke down he lifted his friend s arm and showed her the little transistor radio the boy was holding and now connie began to hear the music it was the same program that was playing inside the house bobby king she said i listen to him all the time i think he s great he s kind of great connie said reluctantly listen that guy s great he knows where the action is connie blushed a little because the glasses made it impossible for her to see just what this boy was looking at she couldn t decide if she liked him or if he was just a jerk and so she dawdled in the doorway and wouldn t come down or go back inside she said what s all that stuff painted on your car can tcha read it he opened the door very carefully as if he were afraid it might fall off he slid out just as carefully planting his feet firmly on the ground the tiny metallic world in his glasses slowing down like gelatine hardening and in the midst of it connie s bright green blouse this here is my name to begin with he said arnold friend was written in tarlike black letters on the side with a drawing of a round grinning face that reminded connie of a pumpkin except it wore sunglasses i wanta introduce myself i m arnold friend and that s my real name and i m gonna be your friend honey and inside the car s ellie oscar he s kinda shy ellie brought his transistor radio up to his shoulder and balanced it there now these numbers are a secret code honey arnold friend explained he read off the numbers 33 19 17 and raised his eyebrows at her to see what she thought of that but she didn t think much of it the left rear fender had been smashed and around it was written on the gleaming gold background done by crazy woman driver connie had to laugh at that arnold friend was pleased at her laughter and looked up at her around the other side s a lot more you wanta come and see them no why not why should i don tcha wanta see what s on the car don tcha wanta go for a ride i don t know why not i got things to do like what things he laughed as if she had said something funny he slapped his thighs he was standing in a strange way leaning back against the car as if he were balancing himself he wasn t tall only an inch or so taller than she would be if she came down to him connie liked the way he was dressed which was the way all of them dressed tight faded jeans stuffed into black scuffed boots a belt that pulled his waist in and showed how lean he was and a white pull over shirt that was a little soiled and showed the hard small muscles of his arms and shoulders he looked as if he probably did hard work lifting and carrying things even his neck looked muscular and his face was a familiar face somehow the jaw and chin and cheeks slightly darkened because he hadn t shaved for a day or two and the nose long and hawklike sniffing as if she were a treat he was going to gobble up and it was all a joke connie you ain t telling the truth this is your day set aside for a ride with me and you know it he said still laughing the way he straightened and recovered from his fit of laughing showed that it had been all fake how do you know what my name is she said suspiciously it s connie maybe and maybe not i know my connie he said wagging his finger now she remembered him even better back at the restaurant and her cheeks warmed at the thought of how she had sucked in her breath just at the moment she passed himhow she must have looked to him and he had remembered her ellie and i come out here especially for you he said ellie can sit in back how about it where where what where re we going he looked at her he took off the sunglasses and she saw how pale the skin around his eyes was like holes that were not in shadow but instead in light his eyes were like chips of broken glass that catch the light in an amiable way he smiled it was as if the idea of going for a ride somewhere to someplace was a new idea to him just for a ride connie sweetheart i never said my name was connie she said but i know what it is i know your name and all about you lots of things arnold friend said he had not moved yet but stood still leaning back against the side of his jalopy i took a special interest in you such a pretty girl and found out all about youlike i know your parents and sister are gone somewheres and i know where and how long they re going to be gone and i know who you were with last night and your best girl friend s name is betty right he spoke in a simple lilting voice exactly as if he were reciting the words to a song his smile assured her that everything was fine in the car ellie turned up the volume on his radio and did not bother to look around at them ellie can sit in the back seat arnold friend said he indicated his friend with a casual jerk of his chin as if ellie did not count and she should not bother with him how d you find out all that stuff connie said listen betty schultz and tony fitch and jimmy pettinger and nancy pettinger he said in a chant raymond stanley and bob hutter do you know all those kids i know everybody look you re kidding you re not from around here sure buthow come we never saw you before sure you saw me before he said he looked down at his boots as if he were a little offended you just don t remember i guess i d remember you connie said yeah he looked up at this beaming he was pleased he began to mark time with the music from ellie s radio tapping his fists lightly together connie looked away from his smile to the car which was painted so bright it almost hurt her eyes to look at it she looked at that name arnold friend and up at the front fender was an expression that was familiarman the flying saucers it was an expression kids had used the year before but didn t use this year she looked at it for a while as if the words meant something to her that she did not yet know what re you thinking about huh arnold friend demanded not worried about your hair blowing around in the car are you no think i maybe can t drive good how do i know you re a hard girl to handle how come he said don t you know i m your friend didn t you see me put my sign in the air when you walked by what sign my sign and he drew an x in the air leaning out toward her they were maybe ten feet apart after his hand fell back to his side the x was still in the air almost visible connie let the screen door close and stood perfectly still inside it listening to the music from her radio and the boy s blend together she stared at arnold friend he stood there so stiffly relaxed pretending to be relaxed with one hand idly on the door handle as if he were keeping himself up that way and had no intention of ever moving again she recognized most things about him the tight jeans that showed his thighs and buttocks and the greasy leather boots and the tight shirt and even that slippery friendly smile of his that sleepy dreamy smile that all the boys used to get across ideas they didn t want to put into words she recognized all this and also the singsong way he talked slightly mocking kidding but serious and a little melancholy and she recognized the way he tapped one fist against the other in homage to the perpetual music behind him but all these things did not come together she said suddenly hey how old are you his smiled faded she could see then that he wasn t a kid he was much olderthirty maybe more at this knowledge her heart began to pound faster that s a crazy thing to ask can tcha see i m your own age like hell you are or maybe a couple years older i m eighteen eighteen she said doubtfully he grinned to reassure her and lines appeared at the corners of his mouth his teeth were big and white he grinned so broadly his eyes became slits and she saw how thick the lashes were thick and black as if painted with a black tarlike material then abruptly he seemed to become embarrassed and looked over his shoulder at ellie him he s crazy he said ain t he a riot he s a nut a real character ellie was still listening to the music his sunglasses told nothing about what he was thinking he wore a bright orange shirt unbuttoned halfway to show his chest which was a pale bluish chest and not muscular like arnold friend s his shirt collar was turned up all around and the very tips of the collar pointed out past his chin as if they were protecting him he was pressing the transistor radio up against his ear and sat there in a kind of daze right in the sun he s kinda strange connie said hey she says you re kinda strange kinda strange arnold friend cried he pounded on the car to get ellie s attention ellie turned for the first time and connie saw with shock that he wasn t a kid eitherhe had a fair hairless face cheeks reddened slightly as if the veins grew too close to the surface of his skin the face of a forty year old baby connie felt a wave of dizziness rise in her at this sight and she stared at him as if waiting for something to change the shock of the moment make it all right again ellie s lips kept shaping words mumbling along with the words blasting in his ear maybe you two better go away connie said faintly what how come arnold friend cried we come out here to take you for a ride it s sunday he had the voice of the man on the radio now it was the same voice connie thought don tcha know it s sunday all day and honey no matter who you were with last night today you re with arnold friend and don t you forget it maybe you better step out here he said and this last was in a different voice it was a little flatter as if the heat was finally getting to him no i got things to do hey you two better leave we ain t leaving until you come with us like hell i am connie don t fool around with me i meani mean don t fool around he said shaking his head he laughed incredulously he placed his sunglasses on top of his head carefully as if he were indeed wearing a wig and brought the stems down behind his ears connie stared at him another wave of dizziness and fear rising in her so that for a moment he wasn t even in focus but was just a blur standing there against his gold car and she had the idea that he had driven up the driveway all right but had come from nowhere before that and belonged nowhere and that everything about him and even about the music that was so familiar to her was only half real if my father comes and sees you he ain t coming he s at a barbecue how do you know that aunt tillie s right now they re uhthey re drinking sitting around he said vaguely squinting as if he were staring all the way to town and over to aunt tillie s back yard then the vision seemed to get clear and he nodded energetically yeah sitting around there s your sister in a blue dress huh and high heels the poor sad bitchnothing like you sweetheart and your mother s helping some fat woman with the corn they re cleaning the cornhusking the corn what fat woman connie cried how do i know what fat woman i don t know every goddamn fat woman in the world arnold friend laughed oh that s mrs hornsby who invited her connie said she felt a little lightheaded her breath was coming quickly she s too fat i don t like them fat i like them the way you are honey he said smiling sleepily at her they stared at each other for a while through the screen door he said softly now what you re going to do is this you re going to come out that door you re going to sit up front with me and ellie s going to sit in the back the hell with ellie right this isn t ellie s date you re my date i m your lover honey what you re crazy yes i m your lover you don t know what that is but you will he said i know that too i know all about you but look it s real nice and you couldn t ask for nobody better than me or more polite i always keep my word i ll tell you how it is i m always nice at first the first time i ll hold you so tight you won t think you have to try to get away or pretend anything because you ll know you can t and i ll come inside you where it s all secret and you ll give in to me and you ll love me shut up you re crazy connie said she backed away from the door she put her hands up against her ears as if she d heard something terrible something not meant for her people don t talk like that you re crazy she muttered her heart was almost too big now for her chest and its pumping made sweat break out all over her she looked out to see arnold friend pause and then take a step toward the porch lurching he almost fell but like a clever drunken man he managed to catch his balance he wobbled in his high boots and grabbed hold of one of the porch posts honey he said you still listening get the hell out of here be nice honey listen i m going to call the police he wobbled again and out of the side of his mouth came a fast spat curse an aside not meant for her to hear but even this christ sounded forced then he began to smile again she watched this smile come awkward as if he were smiling from inside a mask his whole face was a mask she thought wildly tanned down to his throat but then running out as if he had plastered make up on his face but had forgotten about his throat honey listen here s how it is i always tell the truth and i promise you this i ain t coming in that house after you you better not i m going to call the police if youif you don t honey he said talking right through her voice honey i m not coming in there but you are coming out here you know why she was panting the kitchen looked like a place she had never seen before some room she had run inside but that wasn t good enough wasn t going to help her the kitchen window had never had a curtain after three years and there were dishes in the sink for her to doprobablyand if you ran your hand across the table you d probably feel something sticky there you listening honey hey going to call the police soon as you touch the phone i don t need to keep my promise and can come inside you won t want that she rushed forward and tried to lock the door her fingers were shaking but why lock it arnold friend said gently talking right into her face it s just a screen door it s just nothing one of his boots was at a strange angle as if his foot wasn t in it it pointed out to the left bent at the ankle i mean anybody can break through a screen door and glass and wood and iron or anything else if he needs to anybody at all and specially arnold friend if the place got lit up with a fire honey you d come runnin out into my arms right into my arms an safe at homelike you knew i was your lover and d stopped fooling around i don t mind a nice shy girl but i don t like no fooling around part of those words were spoken with a slight rhythmic lilt and connie somehow recognized themthe echo of a song from last year about a girl rushing into her boy friend s arms and coming home again connie stood barefoot on the linoleum floor staring at him what do you want she whispered i want you he said what seen you that night and thought that s the one yes sir i never needed to look anymore but my father s coming back he s coming to get me i had to wash my hair first she spoke in a dry rapid voice hardly raising it for him to hear no your daddy is not coming and yes you had to wash your hair and you washed it for me it s nice and shining and all for me i thank you sweetheart he said with a mock bow but again he almost lost his balance he had to bend and adjust his boots evidently his feet did not go all the way down the boots must have been stuffed with something so that he would seem taller connie stared out at him and behind him at ellie in the car who seemed to be looking off toward connie s right into nothing this ellie said pulling the words out of the air one after another as if he were just discovering them you want me to pull out the phone shut your mouth and keep it shut arnold friend said his face red from bending over or maybe from embarrassment because connie had seen his boots this ain t none of your business whatwhat are you doing what do you want connie said if i call the police they ll get you they ll arrest you promise was not to come in unless you touch that phone and i ll keep that promise he said he resumed his erect position and tried to force his shoulders back he sounded like a hero in a movie declaring something important but he spoke too loudly and it was as if he were speaking to someone behind connie i ain t made plans for coming in that house where i don t belong but just for you to come out to me the way you should don t you know who i am you re crazy she whispered she backed away from the door but did not want to go into another part of the house as if this would give him permission to come through the door what do you you re crazy you huh what re you saying honey her eyes darted everywhere in the kitchen she could not remember what it was this room this is how it is honey you come out and we ll drive away have a nice ride but if you don t come out we re gonna wait till your people come home and then they re all going to get it you want that telephone pulled out ellie said he held the radio away from his ear and grimaced as if without the radio the air was too much for him i toldja shut up ellie arnold friend said you re deaf get a hearing aid right fix yourself up this little girl s no trouble and s gonna be nice to me so ellie keep to yourself this ain t your date right don t hem in on me don t hog don t crush don t bird dog don t trail me he said in a rapid meaningless voice as if he were running through all the expressions he d learned but was no longer sure which of them was in style then rushing on to new ones making them up with his eyes closed don t crawl under my fence don t squeeze in my chipmonk hole don t sniff my glue suck my popsicle keep your own greasy fingers on yourself he shaded his eyes and peered in at connie who was backed against the kitchen table don t mind him honey he s just a creep he s a dope right i m the boy for you and like i said you come out here nice like a lady and give me your hand and nobody else gets hurt i mean your nice old bald headed daddy and your mummy and your sister in her high heels because listen why bring them in this leave me alone connie whispered hey you know that old woman down the road the one with the chickens and stuffyou know her she s dead dead what you know her arnold friend said she s dead don t you like her she s deadshe sshe isn t here any more but don t you like her i mean you got something against her some grudge or something then his voice dipped as if he were conscious of a rudeness he touched the sunglasses perched up on top of his head as if to make sure they were still there now you be a good girl what are you going to do just two things or maybe three arnold friend said but i promise it won t last long and you ll like me the way you get to like people you re close to you will it s all over for you here so come on out you don t want your people in any trouble do you she turned and bumped against a chair or something hurting her leg but she ran into the back room and picked up the telephone something roared in her ear a tiny roaring and she was so sick with fear that she could do nothing but listen to itthe telephone was clammy and very heavy and her fingers groped down to the dial but were too weak to touch it she began to scream into the phone into the roaring she cried out she cried for her mother she felt her breath start jerking back and forth in her lungs as if it were something arnold friend was stabbing her with again and again with no tenderness a noisy sorrowful wailing rose all about her and she was locked inside it the way she was locked inside this house after a while she could hear again she was sitting on the floor with her wet back against the wall arnold friend was saying from the door that s a good girl put the phone back she kicked the phone away from her no honey pick it up put it back right she picked it up and put it back the dial tone stopped that s a good girl now you come outside she was hollow with what had been fear but what was now just an emptiness all that screaming had blasted it out of her she sat one leg cramped under her and deep inside her brain was something like a pinpoint of light that kept going and would not let her relax she thought i m not going to see my mother again she thought i m not going to sleep in my bed again her bright green blouse was all wet arnold friend said in a gentle loud voice that was like a stage voice the place where you came from ain t there any more and where you had in mind to go is cancelled out this place you are nowinside your daddy s houseis nothing but a cardboard box i can knock down any time you know that and always did know it you hear me she thought i have got to think i have got to know what to do we ll go out to a nice field out in the country here where it smells so nice and it s sunny arnold friend said i ll have my arms tight around you so you won t need to try to get away and i ll show you what love is like what it does the hell with this house it looks solid all right he said he ran a fingernail down the screen and the noise did not make connie shiver as it would have the day before now put your hand on your heart honey feel that that feels solid too but we know better be nice to me be sweet like you can because what else is there for a girl like you but to be sweet and pretty and give in and get away before her people come back she felt her pounding heart her hand seemed to enclose it she thought for the first time in her life that it was nothing that was hers that belonged to her but just a pounding living thing inside this body that wasn t really hers either you don t want them to get hurt arnold friend went on now get up honey get up all by yourself she stood now turn this way that s right come over here to me ellie put that away didn t i tell you you dope you miserable creepy dope arnold friend said his words were not angry but only part of an incantation the incantation was kindly now come out through the kitchen to me honey and let s see a smile try it you re a brave sweet little girl and now they re eating corn and hot dogs cooked to bursting over an outdoor fire and they don t know one thing about you and never did and honey you re better than them because not a one of them would have done this for you connie felt the linoleum under her feet it was cool she brushed her hair back out of her eyes arnold friend let go of the post tentatively and opened his arms for her his elbows pointing in toward each other and his wrists limp to show that this was an embarrassed embrace and a little mocking he didn t want to make her self conscious she put out her hand against the screen she watched herself push the door slowly open as if she were back safe somewhere in the other doorway watching this body and this head of long hair moving out into the sunlight where arnold friend waited my sweet little blue eyed girl he said in a half sung sigh that had nothing to do with her brown eyes but was taken up just the same by the vast sunlit reaches of the land behind him and on all sides of himso much land that connie had never seen before and did not recognize except to know that she was going to it 
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