i want a hero an uncommon want when every year and month sends forth a new one till after cloying the gazettes with cant the age discovers he is not the true one of such as these i should not care to vaunt i ll therefore take our ancient friend don juan we all have seen him in the pantomime sent to the devil somewhat ere his time vernon the butcher cumberland wolfe hawke prince ferdinand granby burgoyne keppel howe evil and good have had their tithe of talk and fill d their sign posts then like wellesley now each in their turn like banquo s monarchs stalk followers of fame nine farrow of that sow france too had buonaparte and dumourier recorded in the moniteur and courier barnave brissot condorcet mirabeau petion clootz danton marat la fayette were french and famous people as we know and there were others scarce forgotten yet joubert hoche marceau lannes desaix moreau with many of the military set exceedingly remarkable at times but not at all adapted to my rhymes nelson was once britannia s god of war and still should be so but the tide is turn d there s no more to be said of trafalgar t is with our hero quietly inurn d because the army s grown more popular at which the naval people are concern d besides the prince is all for the land service forgetting duncan nelson howe and jervis brave men were living before agamemnon and since exceeding valorous and sage a good deal like him too though quite the same none but then they shone not on the poet s page and so have been forgotten i condemn none but can t find any in the present age fit for my poem so as i said i ll take my friend don juan most epic poets plunge in medias res and then your hero tells whene er you please what went beforeby way of episode while seated after dinner at his ease beside his mistress in some soft abode palace or garden paradise or cavern which serves the happy couple for a tavern that is the usual method but not mine my way is to begin with the beginning the regularity of my design forbids all wandering as the worst of sinning and therefore i shall open with a line narrating somewhat of don juan s father and also of his mother if you d rather in seville was he born a pleasant city famous for oranges and womenhe who has not seen it will be much to pity so says the proverband i quite agree of all the spanish towns is none more pretty cadiz perhapsbut that you soon may see don juan s parents lived beside the river a noble stream and call d the guadalquivir his father s name was josedon of course a true hidalgo free from every stain of moor or hebrew blood he traced his source through the most gothic gentlemen of spain a better cavalier ne er mounted horse or being mounted e er got down again than jose who begot our hero who begotbut that s to comewell to renew his mother was a learned lady famed for every branch of every science known in every christian language ever named with virtues equall d by her wit alone she made the cleverest people quite ashamed and even the good with inward envy groan finding themselves so very much exceeded in their own way by all the things that she did her memory was a mine she knew by heart all calderon and greater part of lope so that if any actor miss d his part she could have served him for the prompter s copy for her feinagle s were an useless art and he himself obliged to shut up shophe could never make a memory so fine as that which adorn d the brain of donna inez her favourite science was the mathematical her noblest virtue was her magnanimity her wit was attic all her serious sayings darken d to sublimity in short in all things she was fairly what i call a prodigyher morning dress was dimity her evening silk or in the summer muslin and other stuffs with which i won t stay puzzling she knew the latinthat is the lord s prayer and greekthe alphabeti m nearly sure she read some french romances here and there although her mode of speaking was not pure for native spanish she had no great care at least her conversation was obscure her thoughts were theorems her words a problem as if she deem d that mystery would ennoble em she liked the english and the hebrew tongue and said there was analogy between em she proved it somehow out of sacred song but i must leave the proofs to those who ve seen em but this i heard her say and can t be wrong and all may think which way their judgments lean em t is strangethe hebrew noun which means i am the english always use to govern d n some women use their tonguesshe look d a lecture each eye a sermon and her brow a homily an all in all sufficient self director like the lamented late sir samuel romilly the law s expounder and the state s corrector whose suicide was almost an anomaly one sad example more that all is vanity in short she was a walking calculation miss edgeworth s novels stepping from their covers or mrs trimmer s books on education or coelebs wife set out in quest of lovers morality s prim personification in which not envy s self a flaw discovers to others share let female errors fall for she had not even onethe worst of all o she was perfect past all parallel of any modern female saint s comparison so far above the cunning powers of hell her guardian angel had given up his garrison even her minutest motions went as well as those of the best time piece made by harrison in virtues nothing earthly could surpass her save thine incomparable oil macassar perfect she was but as perfection is insipid in this naughty world of ours where our first parents never learn d to kiss till they were exiled from their earlier bowers where all was peace and innocence and bliss don jose like a lineal son of eve went plucking various fruit without her leave he was a mortal of the careless kind with no great love for learning or the learn d who chose to go where er he had a mind and never dream d his lady was concern d the world as usual wickedly inclined to see a kingdom or a house o erturn d whisper d he had a mistress some said two but for domestic quarrels one will do now donna inez had with all her merit a great opinion of her own good qualities neglect indeed requires a saint to bear it and such indeed she was in her moralities but then she had a devil of a spirit and sometimes mix d up fancies with realities and let few opportunities escape of getting her liege lord into a scrape this was an easy matter with a man oft in the wrong and never on his guard and even the wisest do the best they can have moments hours and days so unprepared that you might brain them with their lady s fan and sometimes ladies hit exceeding hard and fans turn into falchions in fair hands and why and wherefore no one understands t is pity learned virgins ever wed with persons of no sort of education or gentlemen who though well born and bred grow tired of scientific conversation i don t choose to say much upon this head i m a plain man and in a single station butoh ye lords of ladies intellectual inform us truly have they not hen peck d you all don jose and his lady quarrell dwhy not any of the many could divine though several thousand people chose to try t was surely no concern of theirs nor mine i loathe that low vicecuriosity but if there s anything in which i shine t is in arranging all my friends affairs not having of my own domestic cares and so i interfered and with the best intentions but their treatment was not kind i think the foolish people were possess d for neither of them could i ever find although their porter afterwards confess d but that s no matter and the worst s behind for little juan o er me threw down stairs a pail of housemaid s water unawares a little curly headed good for nothing and mischief making monkey from his birth his parents ne er agreed except in doting upon the most unquiet imp on earth instead of quarrelling had they been but both in their senses they d have sent young master forth to school or had him soundly whipp d at home to teach him manners for the time to come don jose and the donna inez led for some time an unhappy sort of life wishing each other not divorced but dead they lived respectably as man and wife their conduct was exceedingly well bred and gave no outward signs of inward strife until at length the smother d fire broke out and put the business past all kind of doubt for inez call d some druggists and physicians and tried to prove her loving lord was mad but as he had some lucid intermissions she next decided he was only bad yet when they ask d her for her depositions no sort of explanation could be had save that her duty both to man and god required this conductwhich seem d very odd she kept a journal where his faults were noted and open d certain trunks of books and letters all which might if occasion served be quoted and then she had all seville for abettors besides her good old grandmother the hearers of her case became repeaters then advocates inquisitors and judges some for amusement others for old grudges and then this best and weakest woman bore with such serenity her husband s woes just as the spartan ladies did of yore who saw their spouses kill d and nobly chose never to say a word about them more calmly she heard each calumny that rose and saw his agonies with such sublimity that all the world exclaim d what magnanimity no doubt this patience when the world is damning us is philosophic in our former friends t is also pleasant to be deem d magnanimous the more so in obtaining our own ends and what the lawyers call a malus animus conduct like this by no means comprehends revenge in person s certainly no virtue but then t is not my fault if others hurt you and if your quarrels should rip up old stories and help them with a lie or two additional i m not to blame as you well knowno more is any one elsethey were become traditional besides their resurrection aids our glories by contrast which is what we just were wishing all and science profits by this resurrection dead scandals form good subjects for dissection their friends had tried at reconciliation then their relations who made matters worse the lawyers did their utmost for divorce but scarce a fee was paid on either side before unluckily don jose died he died and most unluckily because according to all hints i could collect from counsel learned in those kinds of laws his death contrived to spoil a charming cause a thousand pities also with respect to public feeling which on this occasion was manifested in a great sensation but ah he died and buried with him lay the public feeling and the lawyers fees his house was sold his servants sent away a jew took one of his two mistresses a priest the otherat least so they say i ask d the doctors after his disease he died of the slow fever call d the tertian and left his widow to her own aversion yet jose was an honourable man that i must say who knew him very well therefore his frailties i ll no further scan indeed there were not many more to tell and if his passions now and then outran discretion and were not so peaceable as numa s he had been ill brought up and was born bilious whate er might be his worthlessness or worth poor fellow he had many things to wound him let s ownsince it can do no good on earth it was a trying moment that which found him standing alone beside his desolate hearth where all his household gods lay shiver d round him no choice was left his feelings or his pride save death or doctors commonsso he died dying intestate juan was sole heir to a chancery suit and messuages and lands which with a long minority and care promised to turn out well in proper hands inez became sole guardian which was fair and answer d but to nature s just demands an only son left with an only mother is brought up much more wisely than another sagest of women even of widows she resolved that juan should be quite a paragon and worthy of the noblest pedigree then for accomplishments of chivalry in case our lord the king should go to war again he learn d the arts of riding fencing gunnery and how to scale a fortressor a nunnery but that which donna inez most desired and saw into herself each day before all the learned tutors whom for him she hired was that his breeding should be strictly moral much into all his studies she inquired and so they were submitted first to her all arts sciences no branch was made a mystery to juan s eyes excepting natural history the languages especially the dead the sciences and most of all the abstruse the arts at least all such as could be said to be the most remote from common use in all these he was much and deeply read but not a page of any thing that s loose or hints continuation of the species was ever suffer d lest he should grow vicious his classic studies made a little puzzle because of filthy loves of gods and goddesses who in the earlier ages raised a bustle but never put on pantaloons or bodices his reverend tutors had at times a tussle and for their aeneids iliads and odysseys were forced to make an odd sort of apology for donna inez dreaded the mythology ovid s a rake as half his verses show him anacreon s morals are a still worse sample catullus scarcely has a decent poem i don t think sappho s ode a good example although longinus tells us there is no hymn where the sublime soars forth on wings more ample but virgil s songs are pure except that horrid one beginning with formosum pastor corydon lucretius irreligion is too strong for early stomachs to prove wholesome food i can t help thinking juvenal was wrong although no doubt his real intent was good for speaking out so plainly in his song so much indeed as to be downright rude and then what proper person can be partial to all those nauseous epigrams of martial juan was taught from out the best edition expurgated by learned men who place judiciously from out the schoolboy s vision the grosser parts but fearful to deface too much their modest bard by this omission and pitying sore his mutilated case they only add them all in an appendix which saves in fact the trouble of an index for there we have them all at one fell swoop instead of being scatter d through the pages they stand forth marshall d in a handsome troop to meet the ingenuous youth of future ages till some less rigid editor shall stoop to call them back into their separate cages instead of standing staring all together like garden godsand not so decent either the missal too was ornamented in a sort of way which ancient mass books often are and this all kinds of grotesques illumined and how they who saw those figures on the margin kiss all could turn their optics to the text and pray is more than i knowbut don juan s mother kept this herself and gave her son another sermons he read and lectures he endured and homilies and lives of all the saints to jerome and to chrysostom inured he did not take such studies for restraints but how faith is acquired and then ensured so well not one of the aforesaid paints as saint augustine in his fine confessions which make the reader envy his transgressions this too was a seal d book to little juan i can t but say that his mamma was right if such an education was the true one she scarcely trusted him from out her sight her maids were old and if she took a new one you might be sure she was a perfect fright she did this during even her husband s life i recommend as much to every wife young juan wax d in goodliness and grace at six a charming child and at eleven with all the promise of as fine a face as e er to man s maturer growth was given he studied steadily and grew apace and seem d at least in the right road to heaven for half his days were pass d at church the other between his tutors confessor and mother at six i said he was a charming child at twelve he was a fine but quiet boy although in infancy a little wild they tamed him down amongst them to destroy his natural spirit not in vain they toil d at least it seem d so and his mother s joy was to declare how sage and still and steady her young philosopher was grown already i had my doubts perhaps i have them still but what i say is neither here nor there i knew his father well and have some skill in characterbut it would not be fair from sire to son to augur good or ill he and his wife were an ill sorted pair but scandal s my aversioni protest against all evil speaking even in jest for my part i say nothingnothingbut this i will saymy reasons are my own that if i had an only son to put to school t is not with donna inez i would shut him up to learn his catechism alone nonoi d send him out betimes to college for there it was i pick d up my own knowledge for there one learns t is not for me to boast though i acquiredbut i pass over that as well as all the greek i since have lost i say that there s the placebut verbum sat i think i pick d up too as well as most knowledge of mattersbut no matter what i never marriedbut i think i know that sons should not be educated so young juan now was sixteen years of age tall handsome slender but well knit he seem d active though not so sprightly as a page and everybody but his mother deem d him almost man but she flew in a rage and bit her lips if any said so for to be precocious was in her eyes a thing the most atrocious amongst her numerous acquaintance all selected for discretion and devotion there was the donna julia whom to call pretty were but to give a feeble notion of many charms in her as natural as sweetness to the flower or salt to ocean her zone to venus or his bow to cupid the darkness of her oriental eye accorded with her moorish origin when proud granada fell and forced to fly boabdil wept of donna julia s kin some went to africa some stay d in spain her great great grandmamma chose to remain she married with an hidalgo who transmitted down his blood less noble than such blood should be at such alliances his sires would frown in that point so precise in each degree that they bred in and in as might be shown marrying their cousinsnay their aunts and nieces which always spoils the breed if it increases this heathenish cross restored the breed again ruin d its blood but much improved its flesh for from a root the ugliest in old spain sprung up a branch as beautiful as fresh the sons no more were short the daughters plain but there s a rumour which i fain would hush t is said that donna julia s grandmamma produced her don more heirs at love than law however this might be the race went on improving still through every generation until it centred in an only son who left an only daughter my narration may have suggested that this single one could be but julia and she was married charming chaste and twenty three her eye was large and dark suppressing half its fire until she spoke then through its soft disguise flash d an expression more of pride than ire and love than either and there would arise a something in them which was not desire but would have been perhaps but for the soul which struggled through and chasten d down the whole her glossy hair was cluster d o er a brow bright with intelligence and fair and smooth her eyebrow s shape was like th aerial bow her cheek all purple with the beam of youth mounting at times to a transparent glow as if her veins ran lightning she in sooth possess d an air and grace by no means common her stature talli hate a dumpy woman wedded she was some years and to a man of fifty and such husbands are in plenty and yet i think instead of such a one t were better to have two of five and twenty especially in countries near the sun and now i think on t mi vien in mente ladies even of the most uneasy virtue prefer a spouse whose age is short of thirty t is a sad thing i cannot choose but say and all the fault of that indecent sun who cannot leave alone our helpless clay but will keep baking broiling burning on that howsoever people fast and pray the flesh is frail and so the soul undone what men call gallantry and gods adultery is much more common where the climate s sultry happy the nations of the moral north where all is virtue and the winter season sends sin without a rag on shivering forth where juries cast up what a wife is worth by laying whate er sum in mulct they please on the lover who must pay a handsome price because it is a marketable vice alfonso was the name of julia s lord a man well looking for his years and who was neither much beloved nor yet abhorr d they lived together as most people do suffering each other s foibles by accord and not exactly either one or two yet he was jealous though he did not show it for jealousy dislikes the world to know it julia wasyet i never could see why with donna inez quite a favourite friend between their tastes there was small sympathy for not a line had julia ever penn d some people whisper but no doubt they lie for malice still imputes some private end that inez had ere don alfonso s marriage forgot with him her very prudent carriage and that still keeping up the old connection which time had lately render d much more chaste she took his lady also in affection and certainly this course was much the best she flatter d julia with her sage protection and complimented don alfonso s taste and if she could not silence scandal at least she left it a more slender handle i can t tell whether julia saw the affair with other people s eyes or if her own discoveries made but none could be aware of this at least no symptom e er was shown perhaps she did not know or did not care indifferent from the first or callous grown i m really puzzled what to think or say she kept her counsel in so close a way juan she saw and as a pretty child caress d him oftensuch a thing might be quite innocently done and harmless styled when she had twenty years and thirteen he but i am not so sure i should have smiled when he was sixteen julia twenty three these few short years make wondrous alterations particularly amongst sun burnt nations whate er the cause might be they had become changed for the dame grew distant the youth shy their looks cast down their greetings almost dumb and much embarrassment in either eye there surely will be little doubt with some that donna julia knew the reason why but as for juan he had no more notion than he who never saw the sea of ocean yet julia s very coldness still was kind and tremulously gentle her small hand withdrew itself from his but left behind a little pressure thrilling and so bland and slight so very slight that to the mind t was but a doubt but ne er magician s wand wrought change with all armida s fairy art like what this light touch left on juan s heart and if she met him though she smiled no more she look d a sadness sweeter than her smile as if her heart had deeper thoughts in store she must not own but cherish d more the while for that compression in its burning core even innocence itself has many a wile and will not dare to trust itself with truth and love is taught hypocrisy from youth but passion most dissembles yet betrays even by its darkness as the blackest sky foretells the heaviest tempest it displays its workings through the vainly guarded eye and in whatever aspect it arrays itself t is still the same hypocrisy coldness or anger even disdain or hate are masks it often wears and still too late then there were sighs the deeper for suppression and stolen glances sweeter for the theft and burning blushes though for no transgression tremblings when met and restlessness when left all these are little preludes to possession of which young passion cannot be bereft and merely tend to show how greatly love is embarrass d at first starting with a novice poor julia s heart was in an awkward state she felt it going and resolved to make the noblest efforts for herself and mate for honour s pride s religion s virtue s sake her resolutions were most truly great and almost might have made a tarquin quake she pray d the virgin mary for her grace as being the best judge of a lady s case she vow d she never would see juan more and next day paid a visit to his mother and look d extremely at the opening door which by the virgin s grace let in another grateful she was and yet a little sore again it opens it can be no other t is surely juan nowno i m afraid that night the virgin was no further pray d she now determined that a virtuous woman should rather face and overcome temptation that flight was base and dastardly and no man should ever give her heart the least sensation that is to say a thought beyond the common preference that we must feel upon occasion for people who are pleasanter than others but then they only seem so many brothers and even if by chanceand who can tell the devil s so very slyshe should discover that all within was not so very well and if still free that such or such a lover might please perhaps a virtuous wife can quell such thoughts and be the better when they re over and if the man should ask t is but denial i recommend young ladies to make trial and then there are such things as love divine bright and immaculate unmix d and pure such as the angels think so very fine and matrons who would be no less secure platonic perfect just such love as mine thus julia saidand thought so to be sure and so i d have her think were i the man on whom her reveries celestial ran such love is innocent and may exist between young persons without any danger a hand may first and then a lip be kist for my part to such doings i m a stranger but hear these freedoms form the utmost list of all o er which such love may be a ranger if people go beyond t is quite a crime but not my faulti tell them all in time love then but love within its proper limits was julia s innocent determination in young don juan s favour and to him its exertion might be useful on occasion and lighted at too pure a shrine to dim its ethereal lustre with what sweet persuasion he might be taught by love and her together i really don t know what nor julia either fraught with this fine intention and well fenced in mail of proofher purity of soul she for the future of her strength convinced and that her honour was a rock or mole exceeding sagely from that hour dispensed with any kind of troublesome control but whether julia to the task was equal is that which must be mention d in the sequel her plan she deem d both innocent and feasible and surely with a stripling of sixteen not scandal s fangs could fix on much that s seizable or if they did so satisfied to mean nothing but what was good her breast was peaceable a quiet conscience makes one so serene christians have burnt each other quite persuaded that all the apostles would have done as they did and if in the mean time her husband died but heaven forbid that such a thought should cross her brain though in a dream never could she survive that common loss but just suppose that moment should betide i only say suppose itinter nos i only say suppose this supposition juan being then grown up to man s estate would fully suit a widow of condition even seven years hence it would not be too late and in the interim the mischief after all could not be great for he would learn the rudiments of love i mean the seraph way of those above so much for julia now we ll turn to juan poor little fellow he had no idea of his own case and never hit the true one in feelings quick as ovid s miss medea he puzzled over what he found a new one but not as yet imagined it could be thing quite in course and not at all alarming which with a little patience might grow charming silent and pensive idle restless slow his home deserted for the lonely wood tormented with a wound he could not know his like all deep grief plunged in solitude i m fond myself of solitude or so but then i beg it may be understood by solitude i mean a sultan s not a hermit s with a haram for a grot oh love in such a wilderness as this where transport and security entwine here is the empire of thy perfect bliss and here thou art a god indeed divine the bard i quote from does not sing amiss with the exception of the second line for that same twining transport and security are twisted to a phrase of some obscurity the poet meant no doubt and thus appeals to the good sense and senses of mankind the very thing which every body feels as all have found on trial or may find that no one likes to be disturb d at meals or love i won t say more about entwined or transport as we knew all that before but beg security will bolt the door young juan wander d by the glassy brooks thinking unutterable things he threw himself at length within the leafy nooks where the wild branch of the cork forest grew there poets find materials for their books and every now and then we read them through so that their plan and prosody are eligible unless like wordsworth they prove unintelligible he juan so pursued his self communion with his own high soul until his mighty heart in its great mood had mitigated part though not the whole of its disease he did the best he could with things not very subject to control and turn d without perceiving his condition like coleridge into a metaphysician he thought about himself and the whole earth of man the wonderful and of the stars and how the deuce they ever could have birth and then he thought of earthquakes and of wars how many miles the moon might have in girth of air balloons and of the many bars to perfect knowledge of the boundless skies and then he thought of donna julia s eyes in thoughts like these true wisdom may discern longings sublime and aspirations high which some are born with but the most part learn to plague themselves withal they know not why t was strange that one so young should thus concern his brain about the action of the sky if you think t was philosophy that this did i can t help thinking puberty assisted he pored upon the leaves and on the flowers and heard a voice in all the winds and then he thought of wood nymphs and immortal bowers and how the goddesses came down to men he miss d the pathway he forgot the hours and when he look d upon his watch again he found how much old time had been a winner he also found that he had lost his dinner sometimes he turn d to gaze upon his book boscan or garcilasso by the wind even as the page is rustled while we look so by the poesy of his own mind over the mystic leaf his soul was shook as if t were one whereon magicians bind their spells and give them to the passing gale according to some good old woman s tale thus would he while his lonely hours away dissatisfied nor knowing what he wanted nor glowing reverie nor poet s lay could yield his spirit that for which it panted a bosom whereon he his head might lay and hear the heart beat with the love it granted withseveral other things which i forget or which at least i need not mention yet those lonely walks and lengthening reveries could not escape the gentle julia s eyes she saw that juan was not at his ease but that which chiefly may and must surprise is that the donna inez did not tease her only son with question or surmise whether it was she did not see or would not or like all very clever people could not this may seem strange but yet t is very common for instancegentlemen whose ladies take leave to o erstep the written rights of woman and break thewhich commandment is t they break i say when these same gentlemen are jealous they make some blunder which their ladies tell us a real husband always is suspicious but still no less suspects in the wrong place jealous of some one who had no such wishes or pandering blindly to his own disgrace by harbouring some dear friend extremely vicious the last indeed s infallibly the case and when the spouse and friend are gone off wholly he wonders at their vice and not his folly thus parents also are at times short sighted though watchful as the lynx they ne er discover the while the wicked world beholds delighted young hopeful s mistress or miss fanny s lover till some confounded escapade has blighted the plan of twenty years and all is over and then the mother cries the father swears and wonders why the devil he got heirs but inez was so anxious and so clear of sight that i must think on this occasion she had some other motive much more near for leaving juan to this new temptation but what that motive was i sha n t say here perhaps to finish juan s education perhaps to open don alfonso s eyes in case he thought his wife too great a prize it was upon a day a summer s day summer s indeed a very dangerous season and so is spring about the end of may the sun no doubt is the prevailing reason but whatsoe er the cause is one may say and stand convicted of more truth than treason that there are months which nature grows more merry in march has its hares and may must have its heroine t was on a summer s daythe sixth of june i like to be particular in dates not only of the age and year but moon they are a sort of post house where the fates change horses making history change its tune then spur away o er empires and o er states leaving at last not much besides chronology excepting the post obits of theology t was on the sixth of june about the hour of half past sixperhaps still nearer seven when julia sate within as pretty a bower as e er held houri in that heathenish heaven described by mahomet and anacreon moore to whom the lyre and laurels have been given with all the trophies of triumphant song he won them well and may he wear them long she sate but not alone i know not well how this same interview had taken place and even if i knew i should not tell people should hold their tongues in any case no matter how or why the thing befell but there were she and juan face to face when two such faces are so t would be wise but very difficult to shut their eyes how beautiful she look d her conscious heart glow d in her cheek and yet she felt no wrong o love how perfect is thy mystic art strengthening the weak and trampling on the strong how self deceitful is the sagest part of mortals whom thy lure hath led along the precipice she stood on was immense so was her creed in her own innocence she thought of her own strength and juan s youth and of the folly of all prudish fears victorious virtue and domestic truth and then of don alfonso s fifty years i wish these last had not occurr d in sooth because that number rarely much endears and through all climes the snowy and the sunny sounds ill in love whate er it may in money when people say i ve told you fifty times they mean to scold and very often do when poets say i ve written fifty rhymes they make you dread that they ll recite them too in gangs of fifty thieves commit their crimes at fifty love for love is rare t is true but then no doubt it equally as true is a good deal may be bought for fifty louis julia had honour virtue truth and love for don alfonso and she inly swore by all the vows below to powers above she never would disgrace the ring she wore nor leave a wish which wisdom might reprove and while she ponder d this besides much more one hand on juan s carelessly was thrown quite by mistakeshe thought it was her own unconsciously she lean d upon the other which play d within the tangles of her hair and to contend with thoughts she could not smother she seem d by the distraction of her air t was surely very wrong in juan s mother to leave together this imprudent pair she who for many years had watch d her son so i m very certain mine would not have done so the hand which still held juan s by degrees gently but palpably confirm d its grasp as if it said detain me if you please yet there s no doubt she only meant to clasp his fingers with a pure platonic squeeze she would have shrunk as from a toad or asp had she imagined such a thing could rouse a feeling dangerous to a prudent spouse i cannot know what juan thought of this but what he did is much what you would do his young lip thank d it with a grateful kiss and then abash d at its own joy withdrew in deep despair lest he had done amiss love is so very timid when t is new she blush d and frown d not but she strove to speak and held her tongue her voice was grown so weak the sun set and up rose the yellow moon the devil s in the moon for mischief they who call d her chaste methinks began too soon their nomenclature there is not a day the longest not the twenty first of june sees half the business in a wicked way on which three single hours of moonshine smile and then she looks so modest all the while there is a dangerous silence in that hour a stillness which leaves room for the full soul to open all itself without the power of calling wholly back its self control the silver light which hallowing tree and tower sheds beauty and deep softness o er the whole breathes also to the heart and o er it throws a loving languor which is not repose and julia sate with juan half embraced and half retiring from the glowing arm which trembled like the bosom where t was placed yet still she must have thought there was no harm or else t were easy to withdraw her waist but then the situation had its charm and thengod knows what nexti can t go on i m almost sorry that i e er begun o plato plato you have paved the way with your confounded fantasies to more immoral conduct by the fancied sway your system feigns o er the controulless core of human hearts than all the long array of poets and romancers you re a bore a charlatan a coxcomband have been at best no better than a go between and julia s voice was lost except in sighs until too late for useful conversation the tears were gushing from her gentle eyes i wish indeed they had not had occasion but who alas can love and then be wise not that remorse did not oppose temptation a little still she strove and much repented and whispering i will ne er consent consented t is said that xerxes offer d a reward to those who could invent him a new pleasure methinks the requisition s rather hard and must have cost his majesty a treasure for my part i m a moderate minded bard fond of a little love i care not for new pleasures as the old are quite enough for me so they but hold o pleasure you are indeed a pleasant thing although one must be damn d for you no doubt i make a resolution every spring of reformation ere the year run out but somehow this my vestal vow takes wing yet still i trust it may be kept throughout i m very sorry very much ashamed and mean next winter to be quite reclaim d here my chaste muse a liberty must take start not still chaster readershe ll be nice hence forward and there is no great cause to quake this liberty is a poetic licence which some irregularity may make in the design and as i have a high sense of aristotle and the rules t is fit to beg his pardon when i err a bit this licence is to hope the reader will suppose from june the sixth but keeping julia and don juan still in sight that several months have pass d we ll say t was in november but i m not so sure about the daythe era s more obscure we ll talk of that anon t is sweet to hear at midnight on the blue and moonlit deep the song and oar of adria s gondolier by distance mellow d o er the waters sweep t is sweet to see the evening star appear t is sweet to listen as the night winds creep from leaf to leaf t is sweet to view on high the rainbow based on ocean span the sky t is sweet to hear the watch dog s honest bark bay deep mouth d welcome as we draw near home t is sweet to know there is an eye will mark our coming and look brighter when we come t is sweet to be awaken d by the lark or lull d by falling waters sweet the hum of bees the voice of girls the song of birds the lisp of children and their earliest words sweet is the vintage when the showering grapes in bacchanal profusion reel to earth purple and gushing sweet are our escapes from civic revelry to rural mirth sweet to the miser are his glittering heaps sweet to the father is his first born s birth sweet is revengeespecially to women pillage to soldiers prize money to seamen sweet is a legacy and passing sweet the unexpected death of some old lady or gentleman of seventy years complete who ve made us youth wait tootoo long already for an estate or cash or country seat still breaking but with stamina so steady that all the israelites are fit to mob its next owner for their double damn d post obits t is sweet to win no matter how one s laurels by blood or ink t is sweet to put an end to strife t is sometimes sweet to have our quarrels particularly with a tiresome friend sweet is old wine in bottles ale in barrels dear is the helpless creature we defend against the world and dear the schoolboy spot we ne er forget though there we are forgot but sweeter still than this than these than all is first and passionate loveit stands alone like adam s recollection of his fall the tree of knowledge has been pluck dall s known and life yields nothing further to recall worthy of this ambrosial sin so shown no doubt in fable as the unforgiven fire which prometheus filch d for us from heaven man s a strange animal and makes strange use of his own nature and the various arts and likes particularly to produce some new experiment to show his parts this is the age of oddities let loose where different talents find their different marts you d best begin with truth and when you ve lost your labour there s a sure market for imposture what opposite discoveries we have seen one makes new noses one a guillotine one breaks your bones one sets them in their sockets but vaccination certainly has been a kind antithesis to congreve s rockets with which the doctor paid off an old pox by borrowing a new one from an ox bread has been made from potatoes and galvanism has set some corpses grinning but has not answer d like the apparatus of the humane society s beginning by which men are unsuffocated gratis what wondrous new machines have late been spinning i said the small pox has gone out of late perhaps it may be follow d by the great t is said the great came from america perhaps it may set out on its return the population there so spreads they say t is grown high time to thin it in its turn with war or plague or famine any way so that civilisation they may learn and which in ravage the more loathsome evil is their real lues or our pseudo syphilis this is the patent age of new inventions for killing bodies and for saving souls all propagated with the best intentions sir humphry davy s lantern by which coals are safely mined for in the mode he mentions tombuctoo travels voyages to the poles are ways to benefit mankind as true perhaps as shooting them at waterloo man s a phenomenon one knows not what and wonderful beyond all wondrous measure t is pity though in this sublime world that pleasure s a sin and sometimes sin s a pleasure few mortals know what end they would be at but whether glory power or love or treasure the path is through perplexing ways and when the goal is gain d we die you knowand then what then i do not know no more do you and so good night return we to our story t was in november when fine days are few and the far mountains wax a little hoary and clap a white cape on their mantles blue and the sea dashes round the promontory and the loud breaker boils against the rock and sober suns must set at five o clock t was as the watchmen say a cloudy night no moon no stars the wind was low or loud by gusts and many a sparkling hearth was bright with the piled wood round which the family crowd there s something cheerful in that sort of light even as a summer sky s without a cloud i m fond of fire and crickets and all that a lobster salad and champagne and chat t was midnightdonna julia was in bed sleeping most probably when at her door arose a clatter might awake the dead if they had never been awoke before and that they have been so we all have read and are to be so at the least once more the door was fasten d but with voice and fist first knocks were heard then madammadamhist for god s sake madammadamhere s my master with more than half the city at his back was ever heard of such a curst disaster t is not my faulti kept good watchalack do pray undo the bolt a little faster they re on the stair just now and in a crack will all be here perhaps he yet may fly surely the window s not so very high by this time don alfonso was arrived with torches friends and servants in great number the major part of them had long been wived and therefore paused not to disturb the slumber of any wicked woman who contrived by stealth her husband s temples to encumber examples of this kind are so contagious were one not punish d all would be outrageous i can t tell how or why or what suspicion could enter into don alfonso s head but for a cavalier of his condition it surely was exceedingly ill bred without a word of previous admonition to hold a levee round his lady s bed and summon lackeys arm d with fire and sword to prove himself the thing he most abhorr d poor donna julia starting as from sleep began at once to scream and yawn and weep her maid antonia who was an adept contrived to fling the bed clothes in a heap as if she had just now from out them crept i can t tell why she should take all this trouble to prove her mistress had been sleeping double but julia mistress and antonia maid appear d like two poor harmless women who of goblins but still more of men afraid had thought one man might be deterr d by two and therefore side by side were gently laid until the hours of absence should run through and truant husband should return and say my dear i was the first who came away now julia found at length a voice and cried in heaven s name don alfonso what d ye mean has madness seized you would that i had died ere such a monster s victim i had been what may this midnight violence betide a sudden fit of drunkenness or spleen dare you suspect me whom the thought would kill search then the room alfonso said i will he search d they search d and rummaged everywhere closet and clothes press chest and window seat and found much linen lace and several pair of stockings slippers brushes combs complete with other articles of ladies fair to keep them beautiful or leave them neat arras they prick d and curtains with their swords and wounded several shutters and some boards under the bed they search d and there they found no matter whatit was not that they sought they open d windows gazing if the ground had signs or footmarks but the earth said nought and then they stared each other s faces round t is odd not one of all these seekers thought and seems to me almost a sort of blunder of looking in the bed as well as under during this inquisition julia s tongue was not asleep yes search and search she cried insult on insult heap and wrong on wrong it was for this that i became a bride for this in silence i have suffer d long a husband like alfonso at my side but now i ll bear no more nor here remain if there be law or lawyers in all spain yes don alfonso husband now no more if ever you indeed deserved the name is t worthy of your years you have threescore fifty or sixty it is all the same is t wise or fitting causeless to explore for facts against a virtuous woman s fame ungrateful perjured barbarous don alfonso how dare you think your lady would go on so is it for this i have disdain d to hold the common privileges of my sex that i have chosen a confessor so old and deaf that any other it would vex and never once he has had cause to scold but found my very innocence perplex so much he always doubted i was married how sorry you will be when i ve miscarried was it for this that no cortejo e er i yet have chosen from out the youth of seville is it for this i scarce went anywhere except to bull fights mass play rout and revel is it for this whate er my suitors were i favor d nonenay was almost uncivil is it for this that general count o reilly who took algiers declares i used him vilely did not the italian musico cazzani sing at my heart six months at least in vain did not his countryman count corniani call me the only virtuous wife in spain were there not also russians english many the count strongstroganoff i put in pain and lord mount coffeehouse the irish peer who kill d himself for love last year have i not had two bishops at my feet the duke of ichar and don fernan nunez and is it thus a faithful wife you treat i wonder in what quarter now the moon is i praise your vast forbearance not to beat me also since the time so opportune is o valiant man with sword drawn and cock d trigger now tell me don t you cut a pretty figure was it for this you took your sudden journey under pretence of business indispensable with that sublime of rascals your attorney whom i see standing there and looking sensible of having play d the fool though both i spurn he deserves the worst his conduct s less defensible because no doubt t was for his dirty fee and not from any love to you nor me if he comes here to take a deposition by all means let the gentleman proceed you ve made the apartment in a fit condition there s pen and ink for you sir when you need let every thing be noted with precision i would not you for nothing should be fee d but as my maid s undrest pray turn your spies out oh sobb d antonia i could tear their eyes out there is the closet there the toilet there the antechambersearch them under over there is the sofa there the great arm chair the chimneywhich would really hold a lover i wish to sleep and beg you will take care and make no further noise till you discover the secret cavern of this lurking treasure and when t is found let me too have that pleasure and now hidalgo now that you have thrown doubt upon me confusion over all pray have the courtesy to make it known who is the man you search for how d ye cal him what s his lineage let him but be shown i hope he s young and handsomeis he tall tell meand be assured that since you stain my honour thus it shall not be in vain at least perhaps he has not sixty years at that age he would be too old for slaughter or for so young a husband s jealous fears i am ashamed of having shed these tears they are unworthy of my father s daughter my mother dream d not in my natal hour that i should fall into a monster s power perhaps t is of antonia you are jealous you saw that she was sleeping by my side when you broke in upon us with your fellows look where you pleasewe ve nothing sir to hide only another time i trust you ll tell us or for the sake of decency abide a moment at the door that we may be drest to receive so much good company and now sir i have done and say no more the little i have said may serve to show the guileless heart in silence may grieve o er the wrongs to whose exposure it is slow i leave you to your conscience as before t will one day ask you why you used me so god grant you feel not then the bitterest grief antonia where s my pocket handkerchief she ceased and turn d upon her pillow pale she lay her dark eyes flashing through their tears like skies that rain and lighten as a veil waved and o ershading her wan cheek appears her streaming hair the black curls strive but fail to hide the glossy shoulder which uprears its snow through all her soft lips lie apart and louder than her breathing beats her heart the senhor don alfonso stood confused antonia bustled round the ransack d room and turning up her nose with looks abused her master and his myrmidons of whom not one except the attorney was amused he like achates faithful to the tomb so there were quarrels cared not for the cause knowing they must be settled by the laws with prying snub nose and small eyes he stood following antonia s motions here and there with much suspicion in his attitude for reputations he had little care so that a suit or action were made good small pity had he for the young and fair and ne er believed in negatives till these were proved by competent false witnesses but don alfonso stood with downcast looks and truth to say he made a foolish figure when after searching in five hundred nooks and treating a young wife with so much rigour he gain d no point except some self rebukes added to those his lady with such vigour had pour d upon him for the last half hour quick thick and heavyas a thunder shower at first he tried to hammer an excuse to which the sole reply was tears and sobs and indications of hysterics whose prologue is always certain throes and throbs gasps and whatever else the owners choose alfonso saw his wife and thought of job s he saw too in perspective her relations and then he tried to muster all his patience he stood in act to speak or rather stammer but sage antonia cut him short before the anvil of his speech received the hammer with pray sir leave the room and say no more or madam dies alfonso mutter d dn her but nothing else the time of words was o er he cast a rueful look or two and did he knew not wherefore that which he was bid with him retired his posse comitatus the attorney last who linger d near the door reluctantly still tarrying there as late as antonia let himnot a little sore at this most strange and unexplain d hiatus in don alfonso s facts which just now wore an awkward look as he revolved the case the door was fasten d in his legal face no sooner was it bolted thanoh shame o sin oh sorrow and oh womankind how can you do such things and keep your fame unless this world and t other too be blind nothing so dear as an unfilch d good name but to proceedfor there is more behind with much heartfelt reluctance be it said young juan slipp d half smother d from the bed he had been hidi don t pretend to say how nor can i indeed describe the where young slender and pack d easily he lay no doubt in little compass round or square but pity him i neither must nor may his suffocation by that pretty pair t were better sure to die so than be shut with maudlin clarence in his malmsey butt and secondly i pity not because he had no business to commit a sin forbid by heavenly fined by human laws at least t was rather early to begin but at sixteen the conscience rarely gnaws so much as when we call our old debts in at sixty years and draw the accompts of evil and find a deuced balance with the devil of his position i can give no notion t is written in the hebrew chronicle how the physicians leaving pill and potion prescribed by way of blister a young belle when old king david s blood grew dull in motion and that the medicine answer d very well perhaps t was in a different way applied for david lived but juan nearly died what s to be done alfonso will be back the moment he has sent his fools away antonia s skill was put upon the rack but no device could be brought into play and how to parry the renew d attack besides it wanted but few hours of day antonia puzzled julia did not speak but press d her bloodless lip to juan s cheek he turn d his lip to hers and with his hand call d back the tangles of her wandering hair even then their love they could not all command and half forgot their danger and despair antonia s patience now was at a stand come come t is no time now for fooling there she whisper d in great wrath i must deposit this pretty gentleman within the closet pray keep your nonsense for some luckier night who can have put my master in this mood what will become on ti m in such a fright the devil s in the urchin and no good is this a time for giggling this a plight why don t you know that it may end in blood you ll lose your life and i shall lose my place my mistress all for that half girlish face had it but been for a stout cavalier of twenty five or thirty but for a child what piece of work is here i really madam wonder at your taste my master must be near there for the present at the least he s fast and if we can but till the morning keep our counsel now don alfonso entering but alone closed the oration of the trusty maid she loiter d and he told her to be gone an order somewhat sullenly obey d however present remedy was none and no great good seem d answer d if she stay d regarding both with slow and sidelong view she snuff d the candle curtsied and withdrew alfonso paused a minutethen begun some strange excuses for his late proceeding he would not justify what he had done to say the best it was extreme ill breeding but there were ample reasons for it none of which he specified in this his pleading his speech was a fine sample on the whole of rhetoric which the learn d call rigmarole julia said nought though all the while there rose a ready answer which at once enables a matron who her husband s foible knows by a few timely words to turn the tables which if it does not silence still must pose even if it should comprise a pack of fables t is to retort with firmness and when he suspects with one do you reproach with three julia in fact had tolerable grounds alfonso s loves with inez were well known but whether t was that one s own guilt confounds but that can t be as has been often shown a lady with apologies abounds it might be that her silence sprang alone from delicacy to don juan s ear to whom she knew his mother s fame was dear there might be one more motive which makes two alfonso ne er to juan had alluded mention d his jealousy but never who had been the happy lover he concluded conceal d amongst his premises t is true his mind the more o er this its mystery brooded to speak of inez now were one may say like throwing juan in alfonso s way a hint in tender cases is enough silence is best besides there is a tact which keeps when push d by questions rather rough a lady always distant from the fact the charming creatures lie with such a grace there s nothing so becoming to the face they blush and we believe them at least i have always done so t is of no great use in any case attempting a reply for then their eloquence grows quite profuse and when at length they re out of breath they sigh and cast their languid eyes down and let loose a tear or two and then we make it up and thenand thenand thensit down and sup alfonso closed his speech and begg d her pardon which julia half withheld and then half granted and laid conditions he thought very hard on denying several little things he wanted he stood like adam lingering near his garden with useless penitence perplex d and haunted beseeching she no further would refuse when lo he stumbled o er a pair of shoes a pair of shoes what then not much if they are such as fit with ladies feet but these were masculine to see them and to seize was but a moment s act ah well a day my teeth begin to chatter my veins freeze alfonso first examined well their fashion and then flew out into another passion he left the room for his relinquish d sword and julia instant to the closet flew fly juan fly for heaven s sakenot a word the door is openyou may yet slip through the passage you so often have explored here is the garden keyflyflyadieu hastehaste i hear alfonso s hurrying feet day has not brokethere s no one in the street none can say that this was not good advice the only mischief was it came too late of all experience t is the usual price a sort of income tax laid on by fate juan had reach d the room door in a trice and might have done so by the garden gate but met alfonso in his dressing gown who threaten d deathso juan knock d him down dire was the scuffle and out went the light antonia cried out rape and julia fire but not a servant stirr d to aid the fight alfonso pommell d to his heart s desire swore lustily he d be revenged this night and juan too blasphemed an octave higher his blood was up though young he was a tartar and not at all disposed to prove a martyr alfonso s sword had dropp d ere he could draw it and they continued battling hand to hand for juan very luckily ne er saw it his temper not being under great command if at that moment he had chanced to claw it alfonso s days had not been in the land much longer think of husbands lovers lives and how ye may be doubly widowswives alfonso grappled to detain the foe and juan throttled him to get away and blood began to flow at last as they more faintly wrestling lay juan contrived to give an awkward blow and then his only garment quite gave way he fled like joseph leaving it but there i doubt all likeness ends between the pair lights came at length and men and maids who found an awkward spectacle their eyes before antonia in hysterics julia swoon d alfonso leaning breathless by the door some half torn drapery scatter d on the ground some blood and several footsteps but no more juan the gate gain d turn d the key about and liking not the inside lock d the out here ends this canto need i sing or say how juan naked favour d by the night who favours what she should not found his way and reach d his home in an unseemly plight the pleasant scandal which arose next day the nine days wonder which was brought to light and how alfonso sued for a divorce were in the english newspapers of course if you would like to see the whole proceedings the depositions and the cause at full the names of all the witnesses the pleadings of counsel to nonsuit or to annul there s more than one edition and the readings are various but they none of them are dull the best is that in short hand ta en by gurney who to madrid on purpose made a journey but donna inez to divert the train of one of the most circulating scandals that had for centuries been known in spain at least since the retirement of the vandals first vow d to virgin mary several pounds of candles and then by the advice of some old ladies she sent her son to be shipp d off from cadiz she had resolved that he should travel through all european climes by land or sea to mend his former morals and get new especially in france and italy julia was sent into a convent she grieved but perhaps her feelings may be better shown in the following copy of her letter they tell me t is decided you depart t is wise t is well but not the less a pain i have no further claim on your young heart mine is the victim and would be again to love too much has been the only art i used i write in haste and if a stain be on this sheet t is not what it appears my eyeballs burn and throb but have no tears i loved i love you for this love have lost state station heaven mankind s my own esteem and yet can not regret what it hath cost so dear is still the memory of that dream yet if i name my guilt t is not to boast none can deem harshlier of me than i deem i trace this scrawl because i cannot rest i ve nothing to reproach or to request man s love is of man s life a thing apart t is woman s whole existence man may range the court camp church the vessel and the mart sword gown gain glory offer in exchange pride fame ambition to fill up his heart and few there are whom these cannot estrange men have all these resources we but one to love again and be again undone you will proceed in pleasure and in pride beloved and loving many all is o er for me on earth except some years to hide my shame and sorrow deep in my heart s core these i could bear but cannot cast aside the passion which still rages as before and so farewellforgive me love meno that word is idle nowbut let it go my breast has been all weakness is so yet but still i think i can collect my mind my blood still rushes where my spirit s set as roll the waves before the settled wind my heart is feminine nor can forget to all except one image madly blind so shakes the needle and so stands the pole as vibrates my fond heart to my fix d soul i have no more to say but linger still and dare not set my seal upon this sheet and yet i may as well the task fulfil my misery can scarce be more complete i had not lived till now could sorrow kill death shuns the wretch who fain the blow would meet and i must even survive this last adieu and bear with life to love and pray for you this note was written upon gilt edged paper with a neat little crow quill slight and new her small white hand could hardly reach the taper it trembled as magnetic needles do and yet she did not let one tear escape her the seal a sun flower elle vous suit partout the motto cut upon a white cornelian the wax was superfine its hue vermilion this was don juan s earliest scrape but whether i shall proceed with his adventures is dependent on the public altogether we ll see however what they say to this their favour in an author s cap s a feather and no great mischief s done by their caprice and if their approbation we experience perhaps they ll have some more about a year hence my poem s epic and is meant to be divided in twelve books each book containing with love and war a heavy gale at sea a list of ships and captains and kings reigning new characters the episodes are three a panoramic view of hell s in training after the style of virgil and of homer so that my name of epic s no misnomer all these things will be specified in time with strict regard to aristotle s rules the vade mecum of the true sublime which makes so many poets and some fools prose poets like blank verse i m fond of rhyme good workmen never quarrel with their tools i ve got new mythological machinery and very handsome supernatural scenery there s only one slight difference between me and my epic brethren gone before and here the advantage is my own i ween they so embellish that t is quite a bore their labyrinth of fables to thread through whereas this story s actually true if any person doubt it i appeal to history tradition and to facts to newspapers whose truth all know and feel to plays in five and operas in three acts all these confirm my statement a good deal but that which more completely faith exacts is that myself and several now in seville saw juan s last elopement with the devil if ever i should condescend to prose i ll write poetical commandments which shall supersede beyond all doubt all those that went before in these i shall enrich my text with many things that no one knows and carry precept to the highest pitch i ll call the work longinus o er a bottle or every poet his own aristotle thou shalt believe in milton dryden pope thou shalt not set up wordsworth coleridge southey because the first is crazed beyond all hope the second drunk the third so quaint and mouthy with crabbe it may be difficult to cope and campbell s hippocrene is somewhat drouthy thou shalt not steal from samuel rogers nor commitflirtation with the muse of moore thou shalt not covet mr sotheby s muse his pegasus nor anything that s his thou shalt not bear false witness like the blues thou shalt not write in short but what i choose this is true criticism and you may kiss exactly as you please or not the rod if any person should presume to assert this story is not moral first i pray that they will not cry out before they re hurt then that they ll read it o er again and say that this is not a moral tale though gay besides in canto twelfth i mean to show the very place where wicked people go if after all there should be some so blind to their own good this warning to despise led by some tortuosity of mind not to believe my verse and their own eyes and cry that they the moral cannot find i tell him if a clergyman he lies should captains the remark or critics make they also lie toounder a mistake the public approbation i expect and beg they ll take my word about the moral which i with their amusement will connect meantime they ll doubtless please to recollect my epical pretensions to the laurel for fear some prudish readers should grow skittish i ve bribed my grandmother s reviewthe british i sent it in a letter to the editor who thank d me duly by return of post i m for a handsome article his creditor yet if my gentle muse he please to roast and break a promise after having made it her denying the receipt of what it cost and smear his page with gall instead of honey all i can say isthat he had the money i think that with this holy new alliance i may ensure the public and defy all other magazines of art or science daily or monthly or three monthly i have not essay d to multiply their clients because they tell me t were in vain to try and that the edinburgh review and quarterly treat a dissenting author very martyrly non ego hoc ferrem calida juventa consule planco horace said and so say i by which quotation there is meant a hint that some six or seven good years ago i was most ready to return a blow and would not brook at all this sort of thing in my hot youthwhen george the third was king but now at thirty years my hair is grey my heart is not much greener and in short i have squander d my whole summer while t was may and feel no more the spirit to retort i have spent my life both interest and principal and deem not what i deem d my soul invincible no moreno moreoh never more on me the freshness of the heart can fall like dew which out of all the lovely things we see extracts emotions beautiful and new hived in our bosoms like the bag o the bee think st thou the honey with those objects grew alas t was not in them but in thy power to double even the sweetness of a flower no moreno moreoh never more my heart canst thou be my sole world my universe once all in all but now a thing apart thou canst not be my blessing or my curse the illusion s gone for ever and thou art insensible i trust but none the worse and in thy stead i ve got a deal of judgment though heaven knows how it ever found a lodgment my days of love are over me no more the charms of maid wife and still less of widow can make the fool of which they made before in short i must not lead the life i did do the credulous hope of mutual minds is o er the copious use of claret is forbid too so for a good old gentlemanly vice i think i must take up with avarice ambition was my idol which was broken before the shrines of sorrow and of pleasure and the two last have left me many a token o er which reflection may be made at leisure now like friar bacon s brazen head i ve spoken time is time was time s past a chymic treasure is glittering youth which i have spent betimes my heart in passion and my head on rhymes what is the end of fame t is but to fill a certain portion of uncertain paper some liken it to climbing up a hill whose summit like all hills is lost in vapour for this men write speak preach and heroes kill and bards burn what they call their midnight taper to have when the original is dust a name a wretched picture and worse bust what are the hopes of man old egypt s king cheops erected the first pyramid and largest thinking it was just the thing to keep his memory whole and mummy hid but somebody or other rummaging burglariously broke his coffin s lid let not a monument give you or me hopes since not a pinch of dust remains of cheops but i being fond of true philosophy say very often to myself alas all things that have been born were born to die and flesh is grass you ve pass d your youth not so unpleasantly and if you had it o er again t would pass so thank your stars that matters are no worse and read your bible sir and mind your purse but for the present gentle reader and still gentler purchaser the bardthat s i must with permission shake you by the hand and so your humble servant and good b ye we meet again if we should understand each other and if not i shall not try your patience further than by this short sample t were well if others follow d my example go little book from this my solitude i cast thee on the watersgo thy ways and if as i believe thy vein be good the world will find thee after many days when southey s read and wordsworth understood i can t help putting in my claim to praise the four first rhymes are southey s every line for god s sake reader take them not for mine 12