there once was an empire chase known as a great great game and one of its rooks came from stoke on trent and mortimer was his name an impotent tea bag spazz pride of the vicar caste sent off to asia expansion land determined to be a man determined to be a man determined to be a man determined to be a man determined to be a man he loved a nice sag aloo the long lazy afternoons but soon he was singing a different tune it went something just like this a billion flies on a horse s tail the spirit of a late lame raj punjabi s finest bring me your wine list as the news comes across the air today tension grows in afghanistan carbine bullets could settle the score i had a crap gin and tonic it wounded me sent me way off on one sent me way off on one sent me way off on one sent me way off on one sent me way off on one oh yeah  you know it sent me way off on one oh yeah you know it sent me way off on one oh yeah you know it sent me way off on one oh yeah you know it sent me way off on one oh yeah you know it sent me way off on one oh yeah you know it sent me way off on one oh yeah you know it sent me way off on one two three four