so dont you worry about a thing surely your gods got you like a puppet on a string she had a stained glass window for a heart a shoebox for a chest cavity and a kaleidoscope for a soul that would reflect its light back at me depending on the day she shone different colors she had a handful of favorites that she kept locked inside her cupboards shes got drawers in her stomach she knows how to swallow her pride but it get compartmentalized in the crawl spaces and builds up inside she says shes fine but she lies so she keeps sunglasses on to try to hide her eyes and at night she stays out of the shadows its one of the only times that her true color shines she says youre talking about me like you know what i mean but you know nothing nothing at all about leading that kind of life baby doll my heart is as black as my lungs are i keep bitterness in these cabinets next to all my bad habits you either find faith or lose it you either had it or have it well i have had it so i wear my smile on the good days that i keep in these baskets wear my grimace facing life without the opiate for the masses you pop your god like these pills that i take to bear the circumstances whats the difference i called out to your god but he never listened you call it praying well im just wishing that things couldve been different she says her daddy didnt want her so she squanders to be the mother father figure for her daughter a piece of clay recreating herself as a beautiful basin from the situation that she s been placed in build for retaining life a feat manufactured without the proper water or the potter and her heart it cuts like a knife its priceless and its as hard as a diamond but shes been selling it for nickels and everybodys been buying so now theres cracks in the basin the way theres cracks in the basement the place that daughters daddy beat her in when shed dare to face him the way theres cracks in the cement that she can dig her high heels in while she waits for another customer to come and pour his water in she says her momma was a little bit crazy a little lazy a little biased towards the media mainstream prone to fainting or naming it fainting when shed pass out after blazing just after papa came home late for the hazing the alcohol made him crazy see thats when i started praying praying praying but nothings started changing changing changing so thats when i started blaming blaming blaming were all on our own there s nothing in those stars theres no hand out there to save me save me save me she loved vogue and american teen magazines almost as much as she loved vomiting to try to match the model women that shed she on the movie screens says i believe that she loved me and maybe its a fantasy but i believe that she cared for me the way she cared for her methamphetamines dont tell me i need saving you point those fingers so righteously all these people pushing for me to practice their piety well i gave your god a chance to save me so thank you kindly greatly but its just me and my baby me and my little girl us against the world so sweet dreams daughter im gonna be your mother im gonna be your father every time another man just like her father bought her she spent the nickels on diamonds for her daughter she had prisms for eyes and one time she took off her mask and let me inside i paid her for her time told her that she was valuable and she replied yeah but about as valuable as the next man in line well i came to tell you that youre beautiful i think youre lovely i think that youre made for more than youve settled for she said all of them every single one of them tell me they love me i used to dream i used to have big plans i used to believe that there was something out there that was bigger than me and that he would take care of me and that i could grow up to be whatever i wanted to be but i guess its too late for me so i started selling my dignity to give my daughter that dream and to make it a reality i used to dream i never meant to quit so whos to blame for this bullsh shh shh girl i will not even mention it the hands that were dealt i dont understand and i dont have all the answers and i dont know all the plans i just wanted to tell you that youre beautiful i think youre lovely i think i know love that loves the unloving yeah you told me your god was gorgeous but i just cant see it i want so badly to see color i want so badly to believe it i keep an ounce of hope inside one dresser drawer in my chest every now and then it grows if watered to a seedling at best one time it grew and stretched through the cracks into the next but i just cant make it blossom cause i just cant make myself forget and now theres nearly nothing left shes got a kaleidoscope soul but shes got grayscale lenses shes got rod iron bars to keep up her defenses shes got all of her emotions hung up on hooks in her closets shes got little hints of happiness tucked away inside her lockets shes got high hopes of heaven stapled to the doors of her cabinets she wraps the hopes up in packets of personal baggage to mask it shes got angels singing to her from the lips of ballerinas in a music box that she keeps locked behind this door thats cemented to a heart of rocks but if you knock long enough they say that door could be opened heres to hoping until then i wanted you to know that youre beautiful like i think youre lovely i think i you re made for more than you re settled for she said all of them tell me they love me i think youre gorgeous i still think its true i swear there is more hope out there for you 1