playgoers i bid you welcome the theatre is a temple and we are here to worship the gods of comedy and tragedy tonight i am pleased to announce a comedy we shall employ every device we know in our desire to divert you something familiar something peculiar something for everyonea comedy tonight something appealing something appalling something for everyonea comedy tonight nothing with kings nothing with crowns bring on the lovers liars and clowns old situations new complications nothing portentous or polite tragedy tomorrow comedy tonight something convulsive something repulsive something for everyone a comedy tonight something esthetic something frenetic something for everyone  a comedy tonight nothing with gods nothing with fate weighty affairs will just have to wait nothing that s formal nothing that s normal no recitations to recite open up the curtain comedy tonight something erratic something dramatic something for everyonea comedy tonight frenzy and frolic strictly symbolic something for everyonea comedy tonight and now the entire company something familiar something peculiar something for everybodycomedy tonight something that s gaudy something that s bawdy something for everybodycomedy tonight nothing that s grim nothing that s greek she plays medea later this week stunning surprises cunning disguises hundreds of actors out of sight pantaloons and tunics courtesans and eunuchs funerals and chases baritones and basses panderers philanderers cupidity timidity mistakes fakes rhymes mimes tumblers grumblers bumblers fumblers no royal curse no trojan horse and a happy ending of course goodness and badness man in his madness this time it all turns out all right tragedy tomorrow comedy tonight one two three 