i stole a quarter when i was a kid and mama said i d be sorry for the sin that i did and daddy whooped me and the preacher said shame but i guess the bible lessons didn t take cause i cuss and i smoke i laugh at dirty jokes the minor vices man i know em well ive closed down bars i ve lusted in my heart my ex wives think i ought to burn in hell but the devil won t even notice when i die don t ya figure he s got bigger fish to fry boss hogg politicians takin pork barrel bribes crooked corporation honchos get off with no time christmas eve burglars stealing good childrens toys pop stars hanging out with little boys yeah i cuss and i smoke i laugh at dirty jokes the minor vices man i know em well ive closed down bars i ve lusted in my heart my ex wives think i ought to burn in hell but the devil won t even notice when i die cause i figure he s got bigger fish to fry there s gonna be a bonfire burning an everlasting barbeque but with all the bad stuff going on there ain t gonna be room for me and you yeah cause i cuss and i smoke i laugh at dirty jokes the minor vices man i know em well ive closed down bars i ve lusted in my heart my ex wives think i ought to burn in hell but the devil he won t notice when i die dont you figure he s got bigger fish to fry the way i figure he s got bigger fish to fry man it s hot in here