the attic was less to us than the cellar if the bones liked the attic let them have it let them stay in the attic when they sometimes come down the stairs at night and stand perplexed behind the door and headboard of the bed brushing their chalky skull with chalky fingers with sounds like the dry rattling of a shutter that s what i sit up in the dark to say the first time i ain t even feel guilty never washed off stayed bloody and filthy just laid there next to the kid all night kind of soaking it all in and feeling alright i wasn t even old enough to drive yet it was hell i had to put him on my handlebars and dump him down a well i try to feed of that until i couldn t anymore by my sixteenth birthday my total had grown to four i ain t afraid of you but be afraid of me cause when the lights go down it ain t no stopping me memories of my first real killing they found her all tied up just hanging from the ceiling what i was feeling was just so dark and twisted i couldn t believe i just did this now i m stuck in my very own private hell will i ever do it again time will tell my first time i was in control until the blood it was my first time the bloody mess i had to clean up it was my first time i know this ain t right it was my first time i finally took someone else s life every time i lay my ass down to sleep i pray the fuck these memories cease bloody face and final breaths taken but the first uh what was i thinking just a piece of rope and a pair of hands i wasn t but she kept talking man suffocation through the mouth breathing i chocked her for the very first time for no reason  it was eleven on my clock i remember that much in the graveyard waiting for the dope man to show up ten minuets past and there s still no sign just then off in the night i see some headlights a car rolls by driving slow and i don t know i thought it was my folk i ain t pulled the 44 they stopped the ride started blasting the fist time i didn t pull the heat damn this what happened my first time i was in control until the blood it was my first time the bloody mess i had to clean up it was my first time i know this ain t right it was my first time i finally took someone else s life first time my knife touched skin and it ripped red blood started flowing so quick i just couldn t quit kept stabbing until everything that i seen was red the pillow the blankets the walls and even the bed one color dominating everything like contemporary art am i the killer or artist with bloody heart then i curled into a ball in the corner of the room feeling like a creep in the light of the moon if i took this gun and put a hole in your chest it won t compare to the first time i put someone to rest kind of like a dream but on a nightmare level every time i think about it i can still hear the shovel diggin deep into the dirt to try to hide the pain knowing i got away with something i ll regret in the end i really should have never done it but fuck it i did him in the first person that i killed was my first best friend my first time i was in control until the blood it was my first time the bloody mess i had to clean up it was my first time i know this ain t right it was my first time i finally took someone else s life someone else s life first someone else s life