i wish i could have found a better way to be a better son i didn t do the best i could like i told myself i did when the guilt tried to push me home if you were still alive i d still never come up that mountain because fifteen minutes is far too far to drive when you re as lazy as i am i would wish my good intentions for you to interpret through a dial tone whisper i love you and wonder after i d hung up the phone well my son he s a traveler and he walks the same vein and he speaks like a flood and he carries my name and when he comes home i mask all of my pain so that he want to visit me again i wish i could have found a reason to be content and been a kid for as long to you wished i would have but you started missing me the moment i was conceived i know because i always live in the future until i call it now and here is not a place that i ve ever been it kills me and it killed you i m done pretending that i ve ever made the best of my time if you were still alive you d still lay alone on the ground day in and day out doubting that i love you enough to drive fifteen minutes to spend fifteen minutes of the two months i m home in our home and you re right i don t well my son he s an author and i ve been reading his poems and he writes like a fire and he is bone of my bones and when he s around i know that i know that i am the reason i am always alone but i don t know how to fix it 2