i met this woman and i really liked her as soon as i met her all i could think of was wondering if there was the opposite of a restraining order i liked her cause she wasn t normal she liked to dance really fast to very slow music which i found very erotic due to a head injury as a small boy i was playing jacks way too fast her eyes were a little bit too close together like the headlights on a jeep i used to call her ac almost cyclops in her spare time she liked to waste time she was a mail order bride s maid she would drink so much she would slur her pauses she lived in a beautiful house it had cathedral floors you d walk in and fall right down into the middle we went out for about six months then she went back to school in seattle she was studying forensic astronomy she wrote me this beautiful letter and i read it at the bottom i crossed her name off and wrote my own name and i sent it back to her i never heard from her ever again apparently she didn t like what she wrote the reason i m so laid back is because in high school i smoked a lot of ritalin my problem is i was reincarnated without ever having been alive the first time my nephew has hdadd high definition attention deficit disorder he can hardly pay attention but when he does it s unbelievably clear i saw an advertisement for some invisible fences i thought that d be perfect for my invisible dogs i live in massachusetts i didn t shovel a driveway this past winter since i bought the flamethrower you know the earth is bipolar i ve been emailing my answering machine which has been sending faxes to my cellular subconscious which has call waiting so in case i m thinking of something else i can get back to myself later it s out of control now don t you think i heard soon they re gonna have digital numbers my dog has a website all it is is naked cats