good advice i know a man named otis who invented a room and his heart was filled with pride i said to mr otis what does your room do he said it goes from side to side so i said mr otis if you take my advice you ll be the richest man in town you gotta take that room that goes from side to side and make it go up and down and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price i sincerely doubt that the world could do without my good advice sir isaac newton came around to my house one day his face was all sunburned and red he said he didn t want to sleep in the shade of a tree because an apple might fall on his head i said sir isaac you dumbbell take my advice go right back there and sleep beneath that tree and if you let that rotten apple fall down on your head why you ll discover gravity and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price the world s a better place since i gave the human race my good advice a man named mr waterman invented a tube he was sad because it sprung a little leak he said darn it when i hold my tube on a piece of paper the ink leaks out and makes a little streak he said i ve gotta find a way to stop that leak i ll start working on my leakproof tube again i said waterman you idiot don t stop that leak you just invented a fountain pen and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price i m so worldly wise i should get the nobel prize for good advice good old henry ford he was a hardworking man he worked all night and all day i said henry watcha doin and henry he said i m inventing the chevrolet he said i ve already built twenty five models one for each letter from a to z i said henry you fool there are twenty six letters in the alphabet he said good heavens i forgot the model t and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price it s fruitful as can be and it s absolutely free my good advice wilbur and orville were two brothers named wright the nicest pair of kids you ve ever seen they worked twelve years on a secret project they thought it was a washing machine i said fellas what are all those wings for they said for hanging clothes out to dry i said you fools take that washing machine out to kitty hawk and see if the darn thing ll fly and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price i m so smart that i m gonna win a guggenheim for good advice benjamin franklin was a charming old man he was always flying his kite one night i said benjy why ain t you out with your kite he said because it s raining tonight i said benjy sweety you go right back out there and to your kite string tie a key this may shock you benjy my boy but that s electricity and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price i ll be fond of you if you ll only listen to my good advice ooga magoog was a neanderthal man a very poorly educated soul he had a great big square thing made of solid stone and in the middle of it was a hole one day he had to go from his cave in natchez to his uncle s cave in mobile i said round off those corners and buy a set of tires and ooky baby that s a wheel and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price harvard offered me a phi beta kappa key for good advice sigmund freud he had an unfurnished house he was a very nosy fellow so it seems he had no chairs so he made all his friends stand around all day and tell him all their secrets and their dreams well while they stood there talking till they got fallen arches they yelled my feet are killing me ouch i said sigmund don t you realize you ve got a gold mine here go out and buy yourself a leather couch and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price every word you re told will be 18 karat gold that s good advice alexander graham bell was building a fence with some wood and a long piece of wire he said there s something strange going on around here i keep hearing the voice of uncle myer i said mr graham cracker with that wire you got the world in your palm just get a mouthpiece and an earpiece and a piece in between and you ll sponsor the telephone hour and that was good advice good advice good advice costs nothing and it s worth the price every word ya hear is the message of the year it s good advice christopher columbus was a seaman second class when i told him that the indies could be found by sailing to the west instead of sailing to the east i advised him that i thought the world was round and then i sent him down to ask good queen isabella to pawn her jewels for all their worth next day he set sail and as everyone knows he fell off the edge of the earth and that was bad advice bad advice bad advice is just the same as good advice everybody makes occasional mistakes and that was bad advice
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