i died in a car crash two days ago was unrecognizable when they pulled me from the gears no one s fault no one s bottle no one s teenage pride or throttle our innocence is all the worse for fears the other walked away alive arms wrapped now around his wife my lover sits the silent eye in a hurricane of warmth and word my mother trembles with the sobs whose absence seems absurd my sister shouts to let her see through the cloud of crowd surrounding me my colleagues call for silence in my name i died in a car crash three months ago they burned me til i glowed and crumbled to a fine gray sand now i am nothing everywhere several breaths of strangers air and all thoughts ever written in my hand they plant my tree out in the yard it grows but takes the winter hard my lover puts a knife to wrist says tomorrow comes hold on a while my mother tosses in the sheets and dreams me holding my own child my sister plays our homemade tapes laughs as tears stream down her face my office door now bears a different name i died in a car crash four years ago my tree drinks melted snow just eight feet tall a pale and fragile thing bee stings beaches bright vacations sunburnt high school graduations a sparrow healing from a broken wing this year a glimpse of second chances tiny apples on my tree s branches my lover hears the open wind and crawls blinking into the sun my mother leafs through photographs and thinks yes she was a lovely one my sister can t decide her truth asks aloud what i might do in a conference hall my brief efforts engraved i died in a car crash a lifetime ago it seems been a decade or two or three they ve just released a new design bars and bags front and behind my fate now an impossibility safely packaged hurtling down the highway hardly make a sound my lover very much alive arms wrapped now around his wife1