reminisce all i knew was mom s love never knew what the adult s was cause they was on drugs hamburger helper with my grandmother ellen in my grandma s kitchen before she died of an aneurysm we used to eat canned food off the floor all three of us slept on one mattress on the floor growing up we looked at cars we didn t have one i remember asking my mom where my dad was she said he d beat her so she had to leave him growing up i didn t see him didn t want to meet him my first girlfriend was raped at 13 my second girlfriend was raped at 14 one time my dad pawned my mom s wedding ring my moms got cancer when i was 17 i used to vandalize shit when i was 8 steal kids bikes sneak out when it was late school i used to skip skip just to get ripped could ve been addicted to heroin like my big sis i missed my sister before she left brett god knows how those drugs affected the m s 15 was finally when i met my dad 16 i met my brother big sag he did five years sold dope and sold smack southside dropped pcp and smoked crack uncle john did a couple years in the pen cousin tom was only 18 when he went i ve taken losses at the hands of friends they re dead to me i can never talk to em again 19 i made my first stack 20 years old i made 20 stacks 21 years old i made 60 stacks i sent cats pounds they never hit me back i need to grow up but i don t know nothin can t see my own crew don t speak to my own cousin i spent more on hip hop than i ever made paid cats for verses and never got the pay if you ve never been poor down and out in your life you ve never had 100 stacks to count in your life if you ve never seen 100 pounds in your life then you probably don t relate to what comes out on the mic i remember way back when coming home beat up my dad told me never take that shit i remember wonder why we were broke hey i m still remember canned milk in my bowl i used to hate that shit been a minute and i m on a bad trip remember wanting things that we probably can t get was three years old when my mom and dad split now i think about the pressure weighing on them as kids kids raising kids it is what it is rats in the cupboards ain t shit in the fridge none of the homies then ever been in the crib embarrassed of conditions that we lived and we hid before that i remember living in my grandma s house looking up to uncle s rocking hand me downs in the first grade i first got suspended around the same time i seen my dad get arrested my past made me who i am i accept it take away my memories and what am i left with five years old learnt the rules of the block when i seen my first strap get pulled on my pops now i m on my own shit i don t follow your rules sneaking out late night motherfuck a curfew you know it if you lived it then you followed in the footprints ducking police and hiding in the bushes 13 years old my grandpa joe passed it he was the first one to believe in this rap shit his first language was spanish we grew up with an accent didn t want to pass it i m passed it 22 i was sharing a crib 23 lost love thought was there til the end i lost a stepbrother but he knows what he did he s dead to me i can never talk to him again 18 dropped out i need to grow up 19 got jumped selling tree on a bus 26 years old stuffing p s in the trunk 27 got popped with seven p s in a bus i was with austin when i laid my first track deshonte was there when i wrote my first rap 15 years old when i won my first stack i sent out my demos and never heard back i need to grow up but i don t know nothing probably need to own up though i don t own nothing i spent more on hip hop than i ever made gave the label skrill talk and never got paid if you never ever been down and you rich if you don t remember being clowned for your kicks if you never drove with pounds in the whip then you probably don t relate to what comes out when i spit like that