i can t ignore it man i can t ignore it man no man i don t wanna put away i don t wanna put away but i don t want to ruin my life i m trying to live my own theology but i m still confronted by my own hypocrisy i ve lost count of all the ways i contradict the things i say in things i pray and when i recite from my own bible against my own christ man i love him to the core but it s still a struggle trying to love him even more yes i wanna finish well never bring shame and never sprinkle dirt on the son of god s name i wanna stand firm i wanna end strong but i be so afraid that i m gonna end wrong and provide for my self again and supply for my selfish sin in spite of the knowledge you are a perfect friend lord hold me up i know you hear me praying saying don t wanna ruin ruin ruin ruin ruin ruin don t wanna ruin ruin ruin i don t want to ruin my life how is it that you can eat something be in love with the taste scrape crumbs off the plate let none go to waste keep eating it and eating in it take a drink eating in it bout a week later put none to your face exact same ingredients numb to the taste is my tongue in the way am i dumb am i fake or am i just exhausted appetite lost it is my heart cold or is it just frosted how long is my crave is my hunger my thirst is having a relapse for idol god worship i know this is dangerous wrong and deceit but it s looking so sweet like bon a petit i know god is my father and i am his son he provides for me i should not jump the gun said i know this is dangerous wrong and deceit but it s looking so sweet like bon a petit voila then i have to tell myself he was tempted to provide for himself too dry desert no food forty days forty nights think his appetite wasn t like eve s or the israelites or like yours or like mine then the serpent came right time right lies but he chose to be father not fed make the same choice resist the devil s bread  don t wanna ruin ruin ruin ruin ruin ruin don t wanna ruin ruin ruin i don t want to ruin my life2