okay so it might appear to an outsider that you found your way up out of here they re saying you died of suicide that s the last thing i want to hear they tell me that it s hardly fair to blame myself what a hell of a cross to bare you didn t say it in your letter but the fact that i failed you is loud and clear found out the amount of fear you would drown when you found yourself naked staring down a mirror and partners are supposed to lay the cards bare i left you playing solitaire and i promise you that i m sincere if you re looking for some judgment you won t find it here let s be honest here i can t say i ve never known that kind of despair when the clouds appear how s life fair i just want to draw you near not to make it about me but how could you check out before you really allowed me a chance to sit down and hear i think i would ve listened or were you saying it all along and i just missed it you sang your swan song we all dismissed it because you filled the room with laughter i watched when you thought no one was looking at you in hind sight i wonder where your smile went when the party ended and you swallowed it i saw you swallow it okay so it might appear that you took yourself up out of here how many cries soak through your disguise before you drown in your silent tears okay so it might appear that you took yourself up out of here how many times can you fight for your life before you throw that white flag up and volunteer okay so it might appear that you took yourself up out of here how many cries soak through your disguise before you drown in your silent tears okay so it might appear that you took yourself up out of here how many times can you fight for your life before you throw that white flag up and volunteer i ve had car accidents where everything is slow motion no matter how fast it s happening every second that pass stretches so that you can watch it unraveling but can t always react to it your whole life might flash before your eyes the minute when you transition to the other side but what can actually happen in that time in between the leaping and the moment you collide in between the trigger and the blast in between you let go of the wheel and you crash in between the moment when you swallow the last pill in the bottle turn out the lights roll the dice on tomorrow is there a moment to reflect can there be regret is there a wait not yet let me reset or is it just too painful to accept that maybe death just seemed best  okay so it might appear that you took yourself up out of here if you not winning you can go down swinging even if it doesn t feel like they re fighting fair okay so it might appear that you took yourself up out of here i m trying not to resent you but you left me defenseless in the life we share every man before me in my fam died by his own hands how am i supposed to understand my own role in the plan when nobody who grows old stands a chance what about this mysterious dance made you cut the cord to the curtain in advance but these are questions i can only ask the person looking back in the looking glass