someone medicate me sound an introduction to all that eludes definition bring me something definite to chew cud with i remember this one night the world was still dead back then the way it spun to my shins to dance with blankets being chased in circles 3000 miles from new home forty five miles from old home thinking about new life old friends huddling rocks big world small life everything spins that has a point and me spinning hysterical crying them laughing stems in my hair dancing in the grass atop a mountain the perfect landing for a ufo the lights blink oncoming traffic hysteria is my history and my friends don t see what i see solemn faces in the bushes absorbing the story like i m not the first delusional coming to grips losing my friends and it s killing me graceful so i apologize to god for brendan adam and brandon and ask god what happens when i die no answer sadness strikes me dead in my bellowing state remembering some girl i d never love so far detached from the world i can t know and the faces i can t see one hundred yards to the left a burned down house where the father killed the wife and kids and i m lookin for him and he s hiding from me cause he doesn t exist in this world he s in heaven he s forgiven the rest in limbo like me aging thinking pill crying into a pillow called sky who keeps me warm when it s freezing in the summer time and laughing girls are golden sitting in the fire talking about school and how funny i was drunk outside clubs practicing forgetting and dubbing people over who wouldn t fit on my tape well my thief friend brought a guitar for the trip and didn t know how to play but i felt it in my stomach and sang gibberish and wrote gibberish and was gibberish still less gibberish than being alive july 2nd 1999 in the gibberish party don put out the bonfire something about wardens something about not camping something about driving down an unlit rock trail on some mountain in some nameless sebago city and dying some documentary death didn t thrill me i m staying here it s the last safe place on earth and when i first saw the flames at the bottom and my drunk minor friends melting into the rocks and ticks feasting on my piggy flesh these two will try to kill me these three are dead i should be home asleep not being blamed for someone s stupidity it s not the road the space around me ripped and i was chased by white birds that don t sing that are always there but i can t touch i will not die some passed out life overdose praying to not be eaten by my own mortality when dogs bark in the country or junkies overdose in amusement parks i pass through the sunken uncity and bang a payphone cause i lost my cellphone and can t remember anyone s number not even my own oh you wanna be in my movie don t move don t talk don t just stand there like all epiphanies are purchased in the old port from someone who smokes kind nugs i am not zen i m calm like a city killer with poison oak waiting patiently by the lake to be saved by cut out friends who cut out save yourself i am not zen i m calm like a city killer with poison oak waiting patiently by the lake to be saved by cut out friends who cut out save yourself save yourself save yourself save yourself save yourself 