so this story is about a really close friend of mine i love you brother my mates talk shit about their wives but i love mine yeah we fight sometimes but ain t that just life shes been pregnant now for some time it took us years and enough tries i thought it wouldnt happen from my young life from the drunk times or when i tried drugs twice i thought downstairs had gone and messed it up right the doctor told me that i need to stop stressin the only thing thats workin against us is just time that was true two months by my wife called me up while i was workin at the pub right she told me i was gonna be a daddy we both broke down she said theres somethin that i d done right i called my mother told her i was gonna be a father mum cried so did i i was tongue tied i can t explain this feelin but i love life ive never had a purpose and this had just become mine to create this little person thats fun size a little bit of her and a little bit of me but i pray he gets his mums eyes i say he cause ive always wanted a son right the ultrasound said it s a boy my little ray of sunshine it dawned on me i cant wait to see my son rise you know what they say about time though it does fly fast forward nine months and suddenly its crunch time it s been a few days of goin through contractions gotta stopwatch timin every moment that it happens we reached five minutes so its hospital time i call ahead to see the doctors arrive my wifes laughin now i properly drive like the cops are behind but there was barely any traffic so we got there in time im a little scared but she aint got a worry in sight shes a warrior exactly what you want in a wife its been several days of epic pain every day she wakes up finally she s comin to that second stage of labour i sit next to her squeeze on her hand put a sponge up on her head and say breathe if you can i love you so much baby youre so strong i could never do this but you so easily can she said the pain is insane like her abdomens ruptured like someones got a knife and they stabbin her stomach shes like we have to do somethin the nurse said its natural relax it s just a sign that its actually comin shes like no its too much its too hard to get out im sayin any words i thinkll help at calmin her down doctors like youre nearly through the worst part of it now take a look and see my little king is startin to crown they all tellin her to push and shes screamin shes sayin that it hurts i tell her to keep breathin its like push is the only word that theyve said now then im shocked by the massive scream she lets out the doctors like yes now the heads out and then i watch as he quickly pullin the rest out its so amazin to see my son in the flesh i cant help but notice he hasn t taken a breath now they put a little plastic thing in his mouth while the doctors two fingers are slightly pumpin his chest down i start panickin somethings gone wrong they push me to the side i can barely see whats goin on hes not breathin they need to resuscitate him hes suffocatin i see that its somethin major i feel so helpless i wish i could come and save him i pray that my sonll make it its takin em fuckin ages everyones in shock im just listenin in holdin my breath wishin i could give it to him fuck at twenty minutes now theyre stoppin they turn around they say weve lost him im in shock i cant talk im starin at the ground i cant walk they hand him to us cant believe the size of him the most beautiful thing ive ever seen but theres no life in him my wifes cryin like why arent they revivin him i said they tried for twenty minutes shes like try again now im feelin like im stuck in hell this is the worst pain ive fuckin felt ive been ten years clean but now im drunk and on the drugs as well im doin anything to numb myself but nothin helps i believed in god for that i feel dumb as hell can someone please tell god to go and fuck himself im sorry yo its hard to be faithful it s painful heaven must be runnin out of angels he died from asphyxiation no air in his lungs a parent should never have to bury their son especially one thats so precious it has barely begun thats one thing in life that should never be done i prayed for a son and they blessed me with one my biggest gift now his presence is up and im cryin at the thought he wont ever feel a hug or the tenderness of love that hed be gettin from his mum sent him from above but why take him its like i m bein punished for the negative ive done and its killin me that christmas time is barely in a month so im doin what i have to do to spend it with my son where did you go are you alone how did you get there i need you at home where did you go are you alone how did you get there i need you at home i need you at home1