i will stay calm and collected but just for a moment i have forsaken my motions and now feel broken caught in a radical state feeling progressive in a way but emptied of all structure i feel like my life has been stripped away sometimes when i close my eyes i see myself as an empty cathedral and i can t help but yield those those lackluster vehicles tiny engines that encourage my deepening state of confusion without her to hold i feel like i can t keep control over my original visions i ve seen the cinematic adaptation of broken relations but first hand experience is the only way to understand the emotions that come with it those moment of wishing things were different cliche it may seem but i feel like it needs to be evaluated those forgotten messages i whispered under my breath every time i thought about the future i wanted to possess then those dark reminiscent nights lost in thought when questions not answers is all i ve got was it something i said if not i promise it will be because i m not giving up yet i try not to speak from the heart but from my head but today s an exception and my words were reflected my lungs hurt from inhaling the past i feel like a ship with a broken mast following a north star a course far a horse par that never wanted to meet a path i never wanted to seek desiring to be free desiring to forget the memories floating off behind me but still somehow hoping this is all just a terrible dream and things will go back to how i thought they were meant to be i m a monster to my own philosophies basing my happiness off of anything i can grasp that won t kill me just so i can feel something just so this pain can mean something maybe not to me but at least to somebody and when i leave this present darkness and harness enough self respect to move out out of the stickening wall between acceptance and reluctant help so please remove this fleeting need to feel her touch against my flesh and replenish that ambition i once had to seek authentic love again because as long as we keep dreaming our hearts continue beating and love will find us even if we re sleeping