i love how all the constellations are named after greek heroes it reminds me that even the immortals they have vices too i love around 5am when all the lights dim after the sexy ones have become middle aged in their 12 hour life spans when the glitter fades and rests more like sad stars and gold leaf i love naked white sheets how they work like paint thinner to remove last nights fresco how they dry you off after soaking in a tub of room temperature lovers i love the cab rides you take back into yourself away from the still beautiful people who are all elsewhere doing impossibly beautiful things when you arrive home you will greet the mirror like a criminal in a line up with premeditated sins armed with brass knuckles and all the good intentions buried far beneath the rap sheet i plan to be a sinner tonight couldve been something else but looked way too good in my red dress to be anything christian i was talking to three different men in five different languages i was twisting a blunt straw into page forty seven of the coma sutra i was dancing in an attempt to melt the belts off every man in the room but i heard the truth that night a turk speaking spanish didnt know me from adam said t crees en dios pero tu haces malas cosas you believe in god but you do bad things suddenly i realized that i was in a place where all they play is house music but cant really say i felt at home in the barely audible barely recognizable zone between having a good time and simply wasting it i was a glutton with a grin drinking warm gin knowing no ones name but somehow i was everyones friend i was standing in stilettos that made me 6 feet tall but still felt small i was messing up the shoes i paid too much for and still hurt to walk in and talk about conviction truth is nobody believes me when i say im a virgin truth is the bible didnt see the inside of my face for a week while i was on vacation truth is im not innocent im just an abstinent fireplace that doesnt wanna feel the fire kindle between her legs anymore so dont mind the ashes theyre just evidence of how brightly i can glow and i wanna glow hard like one dim star on an otherwise starless night that shines just to prove its fidelity and i know what you must think of me what hypocrisy but i dont wanna enter prayer reeking of my addictions stinking of cologne i dont want god to smell another man on me mistaking mnage trois for the trinity so so thank god thank god the stars dont judge us for what we do beneath them thank god the stars dont see the evil we commit under their names thank god for the silence for the dimness for nights spent alone thank god for friends who know more than just your bra strap thank god for cab rides home cause tonight im gonna strip the spotlight tonight im gonna turn off frank ocean tonight im gonna take off the stilettos im gonna take off the turquoise rings im gonna take off the lipgloss and im gonna sleep naked not trying to be sexy just trying to be me a girl with a shaved head and with eyes deep enough to stand in with convictions strong enough to stand on im finding the mercy of god right where im standing and its binding its blinding its forgiveness but most of all its mine so so tonight im gonna sit out on the fire escape eating an apple and im gonna nickname the view eden and im gonna look up at those tragic stars with their pagan hearts full of mourning and im gonna say what a fall but what light what impossible light 2