my eyes snap open it s two o clock i rip off my shirt my pants my socks something s wrong but i don t know what but then i start to realize there s sweat trickling down my thighs and a fire between the mattress and my butt it s too hot it s too hot in here i m gonna fall out of my chair if i have another ice cold beer i forgot how much it sucks to sweat in bed i don t wanna drink your iced tea i think i ll take a bath in it instead it s too hot laying on the floor with my clothes off silk boxer shorts and a wash cloth are the only things i ll let touch my skin today spraying myself with an upside down air can making out with the window fan hoping the mailman doesn t look in today it s too hot it s too hot in this town my will to live is melting and that s what s got me down it s too hot and my state is on fire i m an endothermic organism and that s why i perspire when it s too hot the united nations says eleven thousand people die of hotness each year but the burning sun it wants eleven thousand and one but it s not gonna get me ya hear sweatin in my basement all alone watching hotness prevails by thewinekone sympathizing with my favorite youtube star how could anyone be so deranged to not believe in climate change when it s 102 in montana in the dark it s too hot and i m doing a funny dance cause i went and got some ice cubes and i put them in my pants it s too hot it s too hot in here i m probably gonna pass out but please pass me my beer it s too hot 