if eyes are the mirror of the soul you will find in mine the scorn and apathy you will read my hatred as in a cursed book you will see yourself as i see you it is a mirror sombre and opaque which protects me which stifles me a great ditch around the heart which rejects which estranges me there is a world in my head a dead world where nothing lives and it is there i am too far far too far to be rejoined a crown of thorns is still a crown i am a king in a kingdom of suffering i have taken my time to reach this stage i have taken pains to torture myself to descend to descend into pain i exist and if my brain is numbed the thorn in my flesh can overcome apathy there is glory in humiliation a throne to be taken a crown to win i have no more tears and my smile has lost its brilliance i have forgotten who i was i have killed my emotions crushed empty weary always standing i am a tree awaiting the lightning