jillian was her name she was sweeter than aspartame her kisses reconfigured my dna and after that i never was the same and i loved her even more than marlon brando loved souffle she was gorgeous she was charming yeah she was perfect in every way except she was always using the word infer when she obviously meant imply and i know some guys would put up with that kind of thing but frankly i can t imagine why and i told her i said hey are we playing horseshoes honey no i don t think we are you re close but no cigar then i met sweet young janet prettiest thing on the planet had a body hotter than a habanero she had lips like a ripe pomegranate and i was crazy like manson about her she got me all choked up like mama cass she had a smile so incredibly radiant you had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass i thought after all these years of searching around i d found my soulmate finally but one day i found out she actually owned a copy of joe dirt on dvd  oh no i said hey are we lobbing hand grenades kiddo no i don t think we are you re close oh so very close yeah baby you re close so close but no cigar julie played water polo she wore a ribbon on her left manolo she had me sweating like nixon every time she was near my heart was beating like a buddy rich solo and she was everything i ve dreamed of she moved right up to number one on my list and did i mention she s a world famous billionaire bikini supermodel astrophysicist yeah she was so pretty she made charlize theron look like a big fat slobbering pig the only caveat is one of her earlobes was just a little tiny bit too big i said hey are we doing government work here no i don t think we are you re close so very very close aww baby you re close so close but no cigar missed it by that much ah yeah ah right really really really close but no cigar 