i ve sailed the seas on the breath of the ocean breeze battled some flaming keese fought my way through the tower of gods met the fairy queen a fat little man in green rode the winds through the sky fed a fish man guy won tons of rupees hey zelda its link tell us about that one time you found the wand of gamelon i don t know what you re talking about patron i smashed a thousand pots and fired some cannon shots i thwarted all ganons plots just using a sword and a wand made a rito friend while tugging valoo s rear end learned a sword spin technique found a boat that speaks and turns into a it s the dread pirate tetra milkshake what are you looking at fairy boy well excuse me princess miss tetra how has your expedition been going we set sail for greatfish isle but were caught inside a storm where a giant squid attacked us and forced our ship ashore we stole bombs for all our cannons then set out into the sea where a thousand sharks were waiting which we blew to smithereens we were caught inside a cyclone but we managed to get free we pulled up a hefty treasure with a piece of heart or three then we stumbled on a ghost ship based on phases of the moon when we ravaged all it had its hulls were full of gold doubloons oh weird all i found in it was a treasure chart hooray for zelda it s link why mister ganondorf you look like you re having a pretty average day i ll take one of everything on that guy s tab what s bothering you g ive got forty guys dead and i dont know why all my treasures are gone all my plans are awry someone messed up my bird all these girls have gone free and there s a snotty green twerp hey you looking for me what the go zelda it s link i took my sister back i need her pointy ears you took her by mistake hey it s been a hundred years sheesh get with the times go ride your stupid boat go change into a pig go slash a dozen cuccos shave your beard ride some birds bleach your skin learn some words just prepare for owning the wind is blowing now 