while you were asleep pulled my hood to block the light from the tv turned the volume up to distract me from constant noises leaking under the apartment door it doesn t help i get up and i crawl out and don t hear more make a barricade of full trash bags and empty boxes perched behind them closely watching while you were asleep on the couch watching a movie smoking weed rummaging through the utensils in the kitchen counter in the drainer which one s sharper when the light creeps in loosen my grip and crawl back into my bed your alarm is set to go off in a half an hour eyes closed fake snore none the wiser victoria made me happy now i can only be scared and people tell me that time can fix the wound but that s crap cause she s not coming back and life s unfair i m always anxious and worried i m always freaked out and scared and people tell me that time can fix the wound but that s crap vicki s not coming back and i scream why did i get left behind i know it s an exaggeration to say i would rather die than share this place with people capable of inspiring such fear and hopelessness that i m frozen in my bed but that sums it up teenage halloween hot safety pins in nozzles of shaving cream spend the evening spraying cars toilet papering houses what s the harm in smashing pumpkins decades on with kids and i don t let them stay out past dark i sit on the front porch with a shotgun while they re upstairs sleeping total darkness love protection victoria made me happy now i can only be scared and people tell me that time can fix the wound but that s crap cause she s not coming back and life s unfair i m always anxious and worried i m always freaked out and scared and people tell me that time can fix the wound but that s crap vicki s not coming back and life s unfair1