when i was a kid i would sometimes secretly call myself andrew would tug at the crotch of my pants the way only pubescent boys do ran around pounding on my bare chest like tarzan its not that i thought id grow up to be a man i just never thought id grow up to be a woman either from what i could tell neither of those categories seemed to fit me but believe me i knew from a very young age never to say hey dad this adam and eve thing isn t really working for me i mean what about all the people in between in the third grade lynette lyons asked me where all of my barbies were i lied and told her i got in trouble so my mom took them away i didn t dare say barbie sucks lynette and for that matter tommy so does gi joe i wanna grow into something none of us have ever seen before and gender is just one of the ways were boxed in and labeled before were ever able to speak who we believe we are or who we dream well become like drumbeats forever changing their rhythm i am living today as someone i had not yet become yesterday and tonight i will borrow only pieces of who i am today to carry with me to tomorrow no im not gay no im not straight and im sure as hell not bisexual damn it i am whoever i am when i am it loving whoever you are when the stars shine and whoever youll be when the sun rises yes i like girls yes i like boys yes i like boys who like boys i like girls who wear toys and girls who dont girls who dont call themselves girls crew cuts or curls or that really bad hair phase in between i like steam rising from the body of a one night stand i like holding hands for three months before kissing i like wishing your body was saturn my body a thousand rings wrapped around you you wanted to be a buddhist nun once last night you held my cervix between your fingers i thanked gods i dont believe in for your changing tell me well be naming our children beautiful and nothing else tell barbie she can go now tell gi joe to put his gun down and find a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a girl boyfriend fuck it gi joe just needs a friend yall i mean hes plastic and not even the kind of plastic that bends i want to bend in a thousand directions like the sun does like love does like time stopped so the hands of the clock could hold each other and we held each other like i held these words for too many years on the tip of my tongue i am my mothers daughter i am midnights sun you can find me on the moon waxing and waning my heart full of petals every single one begging love me love me love me whoever i am whoever i become love me love me love me 