You’re such an empath… I think the child is not died in you, like in most men, but it is so pure that life on this dimension is too taxing for your nature, but you and many others probably chose to be here, precisely because help is needed to make people aware that consciousness can change this denseness, to run away makes no difference, you’ll be running away from yourself, don’t despair, “this too will pass” remain above that way you can see beyond.