Reverse Culture Shock is a Lonely Experience | Voice of America - English
After Ilham's year at Madison College as part of the Community College Initiative program, he knew to experience some reverse culture shock when he went home. But he wrote in to share how he wasn't prepared for what it was really like to go back to Indonesia; in particular, he's having trouble rekindling relationships with friends and family who don't seem that interested in sharing his study abroad experience.
From Jakarta, Meita and I needed to take one more domestic flight to get to our homes. We got on the airport shuttle and the bus driver helpfully got off the bus to assist us in putting our suitcases in the trunk. When we arrived at the terminal, some porters approached us to give us a hand unloading. I could handle it myself and did, but by the time I turned to help Meita, her luggage had already been taken care of by the porter. The porter impolitely asked us to give a tip to the shuttle driver who had helped us put our luggage in the trunk. It took me a minute to respond to what was going on - I thought the driver wanted to help us without the expectation of a tip. I handed him ten thousand rupiahs, which is about $1, and said thank you. Then the porter asked Meita for his tip. She didn?t have enough rupiah to pay him. Luckily I still had some and I thought ten thousand would be reasonable for him having helped Meita even though we didn?t ask him to do so. To my surprise, he refused my money and said, ?Just keep that money. Nothing I could do with that small amount.? Tipping isn?t part of the local culture in Indonesia, so if people would like to give a tip they just feel free to give it voluntarily for whatever they think is reasonable. I wondered if the culture had changed while I was gone, or if the porter was trying to take advantage of us as we returned from overseas. Being away from home for a long time in a country where everything seems to be neat and in order has made me forget that everything isn?t necessarily the same way in my home country. At the airport I was in the boarding lounge waiting for my domestic flight to Pekanbaru. After about an hour, the airport officer finally announced that it was time for the passengers to get on the plane. Suddenly every passenger in that lounge was in a hurry to be the first to get through the gate. It was obvious that the officer had trouble checking every passenger?s boarding pass because people walked towards her from any direction in the lounge. They looked impatient as if they would not get their seat on the plane. I was very happy to get together again with my big family after I got home and got rested from my long flight. I felt especially welcome because they had cooked delicious dishes for me that I had requested. My siblings couldn?t wait to see what I had brought for them, so they asked me to unpack my suitcases. Later in the evening some neighbors stopped by the house because they had seen me get out of the taxi. They also asked for gifts. I felt overwhelmed and was not comfortable with the crowd and the attention. Some of my friends did the same, asking for gifts from me. I could only explain to them that I didn?t buy gifts for everyone, but that I wanted to share my stories of study abroad with them. Apparently they felt disappointed that I didn?t bring them gifts, whereas because they weren?t interested in my stories. I used to be a latecomer when I had an appointment with people. Living abroad taught me the value of punctuality and to appreciate people?s time. One of my friends had not yet noticed that I?ve changed in terms of punctuality. It was day two being at home when he promised to come to my house at 8 p.m. to pick up the stuff he?d asked me to buy in the U.S. When he hadn?t shown up by 8:15, I sent him a message asking where he was. Later he replied to my message saying he was still at his house and he had a sudden thing to do first. ?Why didn?t you inform me I asked. ?I kept waiting.? I was very upset but tried to relax. I understand that people need time to see the ?new me? and I need time to accept this life back again. ?Sorry for being late. I didn?t let you know because I was definitely coming to your house, but didn?t know what time,? he replied. If only he had let me know this, I wouldn?t have been that upset. I had enjoyed the traffic in Madison. I took public transportation very often and the drivers obeyed the rules, followed the speed limit, and shared the road with everyone ? bikers, drivers and pedestrians. My city doesn?t have such rules on the road, so I was quite nervous to ride my motorcycle again on the first day. And it was not fun at all having to deal with the heat, terrible traffic jams and impatient drivers.