upi news release upi washington dc update desk for the past several months the clinton administration has been stymied by mixed signals coming from the economy while most leading indicators has shown an apparent improvement in the economy there has been no corresponding improvement in the area of jobs creation the unemployment figures seem stalled at the mark last month in an effort to understand this problem president clinton appointed a blue ribbon panel to try to resolve the apparent conflicting economic signals this panel was chaired by vice president gore today the panel released their results providing a shocking conclusion it s the guns vice president gore said apparently nra members and other gun nuts are purchasing firearms at in record numbers pulling the economy out of the recession their buying them five times faster than ever before and stockpiling left and right the vice president said however since many domestic firearm and ammunition manufacturers have been experiencing hard times during the past few years including several declarations of bankruptcy by many leading american gun makers they have not rushed to increase hiring to meet the new demand we want to see if this run will continue before hiring more people said the president of colt industries as long as clinton is in office we suspect it will he added in response to this new information president clinton announced a new gun control measure to be introduced into congress this session it s called the ban one a month gun control bill under the terms of this law every make and model of all firearms will be written on individual index cards the cards will all be put in a big hat and the president will draw one card every month sixty days later that gun will be banned from any further manufacture importation or sale in this country except to the politically connected and to members of the national police force the president said this law will benefit america two ways when the gun of the month is announced every thirty days the gun nuts will run out and buy thousands of them boosting the economy even more in addition over the long run we will get all of these icky evil guns off of the street he also announce the appointment of sarah brady to oversee this program citing her honesty and unbiased view on the subject of gun control senators metzenbaum deconcini feinstein and boxer have proposed an amendment to the bill which would add additional index cards containing caliber designations for all know ammunitions their stockpiling stockpiling stockpiling screamed metzenbaum during a press conference at the national headquarters of handgun control inc senators simon metzenbaum and moyenhan also introduced an amendment that would make all guns illegal to possess once the last card has been drawn from the hat senator simon was quoted as saying first we ll fuck em then we ll kick em out of bed in the morning during a press conference he held in the second floor mens restroom of the senate building he of course was referring to the fact that he would allow the people to purchase the guns to help the economy but would require the batf to seize all of the guns in america sometime in the year after all of the cards have been drawn the head of the batf responded by saying we will have to see if this thing in waco is over by then we may be too busy to seize all those guns us house representatives pat schroeder and david skaggs of colorado declared this proposed law as being reasonable gun control which won t affect anybodys constitutional right to own sporting guns end article for the humor impaired bill vojak vojak icebucket stortek com nra ila colorado firearms coalition the cbs nightly propaganda with dan rather rather not the cbs nightly propaganda with dan rather rather biased
