re dogs in article apr acs ucalgary ca parr acs ucalgary ca charles parr writes in article c pntm co cbnewsj cb att com car cbnewsj cb att com charles a rogers writes this tactic depends for its effectiveness on the dog s conformance to a psychological norm that may not actually apply to a particular dog i ve tried it with some success before but it won t work on a charlie manson dog or one that s really really stupid a large irish setter taught me this in my yard apparently his territory one day i m sure he was playing a game with me the game was probably kill the very angry neighbor before he can dispense the terrible punishment what a dog weighs lb maybe at max you can t handle it we were having a problem with instability in the universal gravitational constant that day the closer i got to those exposed fangs still dripping no doubt with the viscera of the last foolhardy experimenter cum canine psychology the bigger and heavier the dog appeared to become also recall that the distribution of the lb is one five pound jaw teeth operated by two lb muscles driven by a ounce brain possessing an instinctual heuristic composed of equal parts of bloodlust and ravening hunger the other lb is of course dog poop but that varies all over the place as the dog deposits it regularly on the painstakingly manicured and tended lawns of the dog s owner s neighbors whilst continuously replenishing its inexhaustible supply no doubt by consuming the likes of folks like me you have i presume thumbs grapple with it and tear it s head off my very thought at the time but as i looked down at these once formidable instruments of mayhem i realized they had become weak and atrophied by too many sedentary hours tapping away at my ergonomically correct crt keyboard there was only one option left i reached down to the toolbox near my car and grasped my craftsman ft lb torque wrench surely the bludgeon of dire necessity if ever there was one to my amazement and confusion the setter started shaking and rolling on the grass then leapt to its feet and vanished down the street still quivering and occasionally looking back at me seven at one blow i exclaimed flexing my new found biceps and brandishing my terrible weapon of invincibility as i stalked the now secure environs of my domicile it was only later that i found out what the dog apparently knew all along the wrench was defective would no longer measure torque accurately and sears wouldn t fix it or replace it what i had interpreted as fear and subservience were in fact unmitigated hilarity and contempt sheesh even a trained attack dog is no match for a human we have all the advantages exactly nobody can look quite as silly as we can chuck rogers car torreys att com
