From private jets to leaky loos: 13 incredible things Britain's politicians splurged money on in the 2017 election
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They blew their wealthy donors' millions on private jets, make-up, five-star hotels - and a LOT of smoked salmon.
But even splurging £18.6million wasn't enough to stop Theresa May losing her majority in last year's snap general election.
Official figures today reveal the Tories spent 69% more than Labour - only to end up 13 seats behind where they started.
Labour got the best deal, spending 85p per vote compared to £1.36 for the Tories and £2.86 for the Lib Dems.
Yet the 21,000 receipts and disclosures issued today show the Tories were not exactly alone as big spenders.
Neither were they the only ones in Westminster to put some weird and wonderful costs on the party account.
Here are 13 big points - or just weird ones - that we dug up from the official files.
1. A quarter of a MILLION on private jets and helicopters
The Conservatives blew £262,799 on private jets and helicopters with VIP firm Starflight Aviation - who boast they have flown Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney.
On the eve of the election alone they blew £31,688 on one flight for the PM, her husband Philip, staffers and journalists from Southampton to Norwich.
Theresa May slid into a beige leather seat for the half-hour flight at 19,000ft.
And the Tories started as they meant to go on, with Mrs May’s helicopter flight to launch the election campaign at a Bolton golf club costing £10,746.
The bill on gas-guzzling air transport comes despite Theresa May rebranding the Tories as champions of the environment.
2. Swanky rooms at plush five-star hotels
The Tories blew almost £5,000 on rooms and other costs at five-star, £240-a-night Conrad St James hotel in central London.
The hotel is said to be within hearing distance of the Commons Division Bell, which signals when MPs need to go and vote.
Labour said it was among £27,000 the Tories spent on four and five star hotels.
Meanwhile, Ukip put an unnamed person up at London’s swanky Savile Club for six nights, at a cost of £1,626.
The exclusive, members-only club is situated in an 18th Centrury house in the heart of Mayfair, overlooking Green Park.
3. Millions of pounds on Facebook
(Image: AFP)
The Tories spent £2.1 million on Facebook ads during the campaign - more than Labour, who spent £577,270 and the Lib Dems, who spent £412,329, combined.
Theresa May’s party also spent more than £500,000 on Google ads, and £25,000 on Twitter ads - again, far outstripping any other party.
Labour meanwhile went for trendy new media firms.
It spent £94,009 with “creative technology agency” Tangent and £219,670 on “Facebook marketing partner” Alchemy Social for work on its digital campaigns.
4. £4million to David Cameron's favourite election guru
(Image: REUTERS)
Masterminding a disastrous election campaign doesn’t come cheap, and the Tories’ 2017 campaign was no exception.
CTF Partners, the firm headed by self-styled strategy wizard Lynton Crosby, was paid more than £4 million by the Tories for “Marketing research and Canvassing.”
Crosby was widely credited with delivering David Cameron his election victories, but the magic appeared to have worn off in 2017.
The Tories also paid Barack Obama’s polling advisor Jim Messina a chunky £544,144 fee for his help with the campaign.
5. Theresa May's hair and make-up
(Image: PA)
The Tories blew £2,287 on hair and make-up firm InParlour, a lot of it seemingly for Theresa May in the last two days of the campaign.
Party chiefs brought the firm's stylists Katrin and Rosie out on the road to Slough and Birmingham - both locations Mrs May visited.
6. 99 (billion) red balloons
Labour spent £2,290 on balloons.
Clearly it tried to put the "children's birthday party" in "Labour Party".
7. A leak inquiry at smelly Lib Dem HQ
The Liberal Democrats were p***ing their money up the wall - literally.
The party spent £576 calling out plumbers to their grand Westminster HQ just a week before the election to fix overflowing urinals in the gents’ toilets.
Ex-Tory donors' firm Pimlico Plumbers' report, published in glorious fullness on the Tories’ website, said: “Blocked urinals overflowing out of butler sink in cleaning cupboard.
“Recommendations: Have urinal wastes cleaned every six months to reduce risk of flooding.”
A Lib Dem insider said: “It’s always important to stop leaks."
8. £13,000 in ONE sandwich shop - and £944 on Deliveroo
(Image: Getty Images Europe)
The Tories spent nearly £13,000 in a single Westminster sandwich shop during the campaign.
And they blew another £944 on orders from Deliveroo.
£51 was spent in Wetherspoons - all of it by the Lib Dems.
9. A LOT of the world's finest smoked salmon
(Image: SWNS.com)
Nothing says metropolitan elite like quaffing thousands of pounds worth of smoked salmon.
And sure enough, the Tories ran up a £6,000 bill with "the world's finest smoked salmon" firm H Forman and Son.
Curiously this invoice was missing from the final return. So we don't know exactly what was bought - we only know it was run up on April 27.
Curiously also, Michael Gove visited this firm weeks after the election to talk about Brexit.
10. A weirdly regular McDonald's habit
(Image: 2010 Bloomberg)
Tim Farron’s party was also fond of the odd Happy Meal.
The Lib Dems registered spending at McDonalds almost every single day of the six-week campaign - a total of £335.
11. £2,795 for a Disney Caribbean cruise
The Lib Dems handed £2,795 to Disney for a Caribbean cruise.
Yes, that’s right - but it’s for a good reason.
An insider tells us the party had a policy of refunding anyone who had already booked a holiday during the snap election period.
That means one poor Tim Farron fan had most of the cost of their seven-night cruise from Port Canaveral reimbursed.
Another Lib Dem had their £819 flights and hotel to Mykonos refunded by the central party. And a third got £346 for cancelled Ryanair flights to Malaga.
12. A VERY long chauffeured car journey
(Image: PA)
Tories weren’t the only party blowing money.
The SNP also blew £1,410 on a 435-mile journey in a chauffeur-driven car on May 1.
It’s not known where it when from and to, but that’s about the distance from London to Edinburgh. Fair to say they won’t walk 500 miles.
The bill was among just over £6,000 spent by the SNP on chauffeur firm Little’s.
13. And finally... Labour DID trust the polls after all
(Image: PA)
When the chips were down, Jeremy Corbyn and his allies made a great boast of not being able to trust the polls.
But his officials' behaviour behind the scenes was very different.
Labour blew £541,684 on polling firms BMG, ICM and YouGov - half the £1.1million spent by all parties.
On the day before the election Labour handed BMG £72,000 for “pre-election polling”.
Looks like perhaps Mr Corbyn did want to know what the pollsters were saying after all.
The Tories spent £214,452 on polling firms, not including its analysis Lynton Crosby or Jim Messina, while the Lib Dems spent £285,797 on polling firms Survation and Populus.
Does it all matter?
All this spending is party funds, NOT taxpayers' money.
So you decide.
But Labour claimed the Tories' jet and hotel habit showed their priorities when trying to win over the country.
Ian Lavery, Chair of the Labour Party, said: "The Conservatives ran a campaign in the interests of, and funded by, the privileged elite."