Long Lost Family: Secret letters led me to my long-lost sister
ITV Alison (right) with Jane
Sitting on the carpet in my dad’s house, I stared at the photos in shock. My dad Bill had died from cancer six weeks earlier, almost 20 years after my mum had passed away. I knew when the time came to clear out his house that it would be an emotional day. Yet nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to discover. Tucked away in dad’s bedside table was a collection of photos and letters which revealed I had a half-sister I never knew.
I was numb with disbelief. Often when people discover they have a long-lost sibling they say they always knew something was missing.
At first glance the photo looked like mum holding me
Yet when I look back at my happy childhood, growing up as an only child in Stevenage, I can’t say that is true for me. My parents showered me with love and I always felt special. Even when as an adult I moved into my own place and threw myself into my career as a behavioural specialist, we stayed close as a family. But in 1996 our world fell apart when my mum Barbara died suddenly following a heart attack, aged 66.
ITV The photo which sparked Alison’s search for her sibling
Dad and I were devastated. I couldn’t believe I’d lost my mum and not had the chance to say goodbye. After mum died my dad moved to Swanage in Dorset and became an active member of the sailing club there. Though he missed mum very much he lived a good life until early 2015 when he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I moved in to help him and he passed away that June. Six weeks later, my husband Greg and I returned to dad’s house to clear it out and when I opened the drawer in his bedside table I found his black leather wallet. Though I’d seen it every day when I lived with him I had never looked inside. As I picked it up an old-fashioned black-and-white photo fell out and at first glance it looked like a photo of mum holding me as a baby. But a scribble on the back read, “Amanda, 21st March 1951”. Then I looked inside the wallet and found some handwritten letters on yellowed paper, addressed to my mum from a man whose name I didn’t recognise. As I read them I could barely breathe.
GETTY STOCK IMAGE Photo albums I found suggest that my mum and her boyfriend had stayed together initially
It seemed my mum had fallen pregnant at 19 and she and her boyfriend decided to give the baby up for adoption. From the letters I could tell they were both in turmoil about the decision. Having two sons of my own I couldn’t imagine having to part with either of them. As I reeled from my discovery it was frustrating to think that if I’d asked my dad about the wallet just a few weeks earlier he could have told me the full story. Desperate for answers I asked my mum’s cousin and her best friend, both now in their nineties, if they knew about the secret baby. Yet sadly neither of them could tell me what had happened. In the 1950s it would have been frowned upon to have a child out of wedlock and, from what I could gather from the letters, my mum had moved away for the last few months of her pregnancy so nobody knew about the baby. Photo albums I found in the house seemed to suggest that my mum and her boyfriend had stayed together initially after the baby was born but in 1954 she met my dad and in 1958 they were married. It was a lot to get my head around, especially since I was also still grieving for my beloved dad. I could only assume that dad was sworn to secrecy and him leaving the wallet in his bedside drawer was a way of keeping his promise but still letting me know about Amanda.
GETTY STOCK IMAGE I even managed to get hold of a copy of Amanda’s birth certificate
I started searching for clues about her and even managed to get hold of a copy of Amanda’s birth certificate before I hit a dead end. When someone is adopted they can choose to put their name on a register if they want to hear from their biological family but otherwise their identity is protected. Unfortunately Amanda’s name wasn’t on the register so there was nothing more I could do. However, that Christmas I applied to be on ITV’s Long Lost Family – a television programme in which experts help people trace members of their family they’ve lost touch with. I never expected to hear from them but in March this year I got a call to say they were interested in my story. Though I was excited I told myself not to get my hopes up and that I might have started searching for my sister too late. Since Amanda would now be the same age as mum was when she died, perhaps I’d never meet her. But in June I was told they’d found her and she had agreed to meet me in Oxford, where my mum was living when she fell pregnant. I was over the moon. I felt so privileged that she wanted to know me too. When the day came for us to meet in person I was shaking with nerves. What if she didn’t like me? Would she be angry at mum for giving her away? But as we embraced for the fi rst time we both cried tears of joy.
The first thing which struck me was how much she looked like mum – especially her big, dark eyes and high cheekbones. She told me that her name was changed to Jane when she was adopted and that she had a happy childhood. Her family moved around a lot because of her adopted dad’s job but she eventually married and settled in Ethiopia, where she now works as a teacher. When I heard what a happy life she’d had I said a silent prayer to mum telling her not to feel guilty. I truly believe she made the right decision for her and Jane. In some ways it was spooky how similar my long-lost sister and I were – we’re both sporty and enjoy gardening. Yet as Jane stayed for the month and met my family I realised we’re very different too. While my family is loud, Jane is more reserved and, since I’ve never had a sister before, I didn’t know whether that should matter. But after talking to my friends I realised that it is normal.
GETTY STOCK IMAGE Jane flew back to Ethiopia but we keep in touch by email