Grief of heartbroken mum whose heavily pregnant daughter, 25, died in her sleep
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A mother was left heartbroken when her heavily pregnant daughter died in her sleep aged just 25.
Christine Carter, 55, was heartbroken when her eldest daughter Samantha Hardcastle died.
Samantha, who never found out the gender of her baby, had suffered epileptic fits from the age of 16 - but her family never knew she was at risk of a sudden death.
The tragedy 13 years ago was made all the more heart-wrenching as Samantha was seven months pregnant at the time with Christine’s first grandchild, reports LincolnshireLive.
“Sam was diagnosed with epilepsy at 16 and started having seizures but only at night when she was coming out of her sleep,” her mum said.
(Image: Christine Carter)
“We were never told about the risks – we always thought she was safe," said Christine, who is opening up now after writing a book of poetry which features her writings at the time of losing her daughter.
"She was in the safest place. You hear of people having fits in the street, but hers were always at home in her bed.
“It was my husband and son who found her. I knew something was wrong as she hadn’t replied to my text and she always did.
“She only lived two to three minutes away so I went round and saw her house was shrouded in darkness. Her car was still on the drive and her blinds were still drawn.
“I went and got my husband and son and said we need to let ourselves in.
“They found Sam – they wouldn’t let me upstairs. When they told me I was in pieces – we all were.”
A coroner told the grieving mum her daughter had died from SUDEP (Sudden Unexpected Death in Epilepsy).
(Image: Christine Carter)
This happens when an epileptic dies after a fit and affects about one in 2000 people.
And she says the hardest part was the sudden nature of how it happened.
She said: “I never knew there was a risk of death – we were never told. I had never heard of SUDEP and when the coroner called me to tell me, I asked ‘what is that?’.
“We had been to hospital with Sam the week before and doctors said she wasn’t a high risk.”
The mum-of-three says her daughter is never far from her mind, nor is the grandchild she never got to meet.
“The pain is so hard, you become numb. You can’t think or function and find yourself doing things to stop thinking about the pain,” she said.
“It doesn’t get any easier - you just come up with strategies to cope."
The primary school teacher still has a baby grow that she bought for the baby.
“It would have been our first grandchild – we are all excited about the baby," she said.
“She didn’t know it was a little boy. I had told her it was at the start because she was walking the same as me when I had her brother.
“She had picked names if it was a boy or a girl so after she died we asked the hospital what the gender was. It was a little boy so we put Regan next to her name on the headstone.
“I still have the baby grow in my drawer. When I see it, I don’t feel sadness now, I just wonder what could have been.
"He would have been a teenager now."
(Image: Christine Carter)
The doting mum had been secretly saving up to give money to her daughter to help with the costs of the new baby - but she never got to give her the money.
She does however take comfort from the final words she said to her daughter, when she told her she loved her.
“The day before she died was rare because me and all my children were together,” Christine said.
“It was a Friday and I was supposed to be on a course but it was cancelled so my boss told me my class was covered so I could work from home.
“I messaged Sam and she said she finished at half one so she came round for lunch.
“My son, who was at university in Nottingham at the time, also messaged me to say he was coming home.
“My daughter Kerry was at high school and came home when she finished.
“Sam had to leave as she was the designated driver for her work’s Christmas party. She said I love you and I said I loved her too and she went.
“I take comfort from that as it was the most wonderful afternoon.”
What to do if someone has an epileptic seizure 1. Stay calm 2. Look around - is the person in a dangerous place? If not, don't move them. Move objects like furniture away from them 3. Note the time the seizure starts 4. Stay with them - If they don't collapse but seem blank or confused, gently guide them away from any danger. Speak quietly and calmly. 5. Cushion their head with something soft if they have collapsed to the ground. 6. Don't hold them down 7. Don't put anything in their mouth 8. Check the time again - If a convulsive (shaking) seizure doesn't stop after 5 minutes, call for an ambulance (dial 999) 9. After the seizure has stopped, put them into the recovery position and check that their breathing is returning to normal 10. Stay with them until they are fully recovered Source: The Epilepsy Society
Thirteen years on, Christine has now published a book called Through Plate Glass that features poems she had written in the midst of her grief.
She hopes it will raise awareness of the condition and help others who have lost loved ones.
“From the beginning I started jotting things down,” she said. “I had done all the things to try to make the pain go away.
“I wrote 10 to 11 poems where I offloaded my feelings so I wanted to see if I could do something with them.
“I thought it might help others and show people in a dark place that it does get better. I want to help people with epilepsy or who have kids with the condition because we just don’t get told about SUDEP.
“Also, I want people to know Sam. She was a lovely girl. People have missed out having her in their lives and I want people to have that chance to meet her.”