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Respite care Hubert's story
Hubert 83, Oxford
Hubert kept a positive attitude and took breaks when he could during 12 years of caring for his wife Phoebe, who suffered from advancing dementia. They shared their Oxfordshire home until she died.
"It was some years before the true cause of Phoebe’s incipient dementia was diagnosed, by which time it was too late to rectify. At first, only family and close friends noticed any problems, and she was sufficiently compos mentis to operate the vacuum-cleaner or chop up vegetables, for example, while I’d prepare our meals – not that I’m much of a cook! However, after a minor stroke in 2006 her condition deteriorated. Staying at home Share your story We want to hear about your experience of caring for someone close to you. Please email us at elderlycare@which.co.uk for more information – you can of course be anonymous if you'd like. Our sons and I looked at various care homes but we weren’t impressed; and she loved this house – it had been our family home for many years. She used to glow with pleasure when she returned after a spell in hospital. So we wanted to keep her here if possible – not least because she retained her happy personality and was almost never obstructive or complaining. Even when she no longer knew who I or her own children were, her friendly smile would cheer up the bus driver or the supermarket staff.
I found care workers from agencies very unsatisfactory. They’d only come in for a week or a fortnight, and then I’d have to ‘run in’ a new one. I came across a charity that rescues women who’ve been more or less enslaved by unscrupulous people. It put me in touch with a young woman from South India, and she came as a ‘home help’. She settled down wonderfully; and when she left after three years she found me a replacement who was possibly even better.