This dating profile ghostwriter shares her top tips
Would you want to date someone who didn’t write his or her own dating profile? Well, it happens. For a fee of $900, New York dating coach Meredith Golden ghost writes online dating profiles.
The New York City matchmaker, a 42-year-old married mother of two, curates her clients’ profiles, even crafting messages to set up dates. The idea of working as an online dating coach came to her after setting up several of her friends who ultimately got married in the late 1990s. Two years ago, she started charging for the service after people she didn’t know came to her for help.
Golden herself met her husband through friends 16 years ago — before dating apps had hit the scene. She has never personally used a dating app, but said her training makes her equipped to help modern singles. With a master’s degree in social work from New York University and five years of experience in individual psychotherapy treating patients with depression and anxiety, Golden saw an opportunity to take on a more light-hearted trade. “All those skills transferred over to this work I’m doing now,” she said.
Golden juggles a maximum of 12 clients at a time, charging them $900 for the first month of coaching, $700 for the second, and $500 for each additional month. She said she works with men of all ages but most women who come to her are in their mid-to-late 30s. While some clients have relationship problems to be solved, most people come to her because they are simply too busy to date. She mentions one client, a divorced investment banker in her late 40s who is “beautiful, successful, and single.” She’s got a high-pressure job and two kids on the Upper East Side in New York City — and no time for dating.
“Most of my clients have these enormously successful careers and they’ve got families,” she said.
MarketWatch spoke with Golden about what she’s learned about finding love in the process:
MarketWatch: Which apps do you use?
Golden: Each client has a different need. I have one client I put on Bumble and that’s plenty, because they get so many dates and it’s so time consuming. There are other people who aren’t going to have as easy of a time — one app isn’t sufficient.
If someone is older and divorced, I might put them on one matching app and a ‘swipey’ app [a location-based app like Tinder] and if that doesn’t work then I’ll add something like Coffee Meets Bagel. If a girl is in her late 30s, no kids and highly educated I will put her on The League. If I have someone in the suburbs who is older and Jewish, JDate is great for them. If they are Jewish and in their mid-30s, JSwipe will be good. If they are really educated and want to meet a great guy in finance, The League may be a better fit. For a lot of my older clients, women who are divorced in mid 40s or 50s, Match.com can be great.
MarketWatch: What aspects of dating do you help with?
Golden: I am a jack of all trades in this sense, I do all of the profiles including selecting photos and writing the bios. I really believe what people put out there is what comes back. If someone presents themselves like a curmudgeon holed up in their apartment they’re going to get that back. So I make them look happy, like they have a full life — whether it’s a short profile on Bumble or Hinge or a longer profile on Match.
Here’s what you want your profile to say: I have a good life, I have a family, I have friends. I am joyful and positive — and in addition to all this good stuff I’m looking for someone to share this with. I say that in the voice of the client and in a way that reflects their hobbies and interests.
MarketWatch: How do you go about making the profile?
Golden: I read over their Facebook and Instagram and meet with them to get their relationship history, and learn if there’s a problem. Some people say, “I don’t have a problem with getting a first date but a second date.” I try to see what the single is doing to not get a second date. Maybe they are announcing they want kids too soon, or she’s needy or a guy doesn’t follow up enough. Usually, I fix it pretty quickly and break the pattern.
MarketWatch: Do you do the messaging as well?
Golden: Of course. I go in as my client. Even though it comes off as them, I am the person doing all the writing and back and forth. When it’s time to schedule I will set up a date. Some clients like to keep control of their own calendar at which point they’ll jump in to schedule the date.
MarketWatch: Do you worry that the matches aren’t getting an authentic conversation when you chat for them?
Golden: It’s so surface level that I don’t worry about that at all. There is no information that should be given out on a dating app that goes past surface level interest. Are you married? Do you have kids? What are your hobbies? Everything else should be in person.
MarketWatch: Aren’t there various red flags on profiles and other traits people should be looking out for beyond surface level conversation?
Golden: Yes, and I have a knack for sifting through what smells right. I can look through someone’s profile and tell if they are actually in their 50s when they say they’re 42. Most of my clients are too busy to spend that much time sifting through these apps.
MarketWatch: What’s your success rate with first dates?
Golden: If I am asking for a first date as a guy, I know when the girl is interested — 100%. As the girl I don’t ask, the guy always has to ask. I’m old fashioned in that sense.
MarketWatch: If you’re a woman wanting to be asked out by men on these apps, how do you know if a guy is into you?
Golden: If they aren’t asking you out by the third or fourth it’s not happening.
MarketWatch: What are some tips for photos?
Golden: My pet peeves are chest pictures, bathing suits pictures, or lying on your back in a bed taking a selfie. Take your earbuds out — what are you doing? Have a picture of you smiling that isn’t a selfie. Have your doorman take it, have an Uber driver take it. Look up at the camera, not down; don’t grimace, no puckering faces. Just smile and be happy. It doesn’t have to be a professional photographer or work picture, it just needs to not be slovenly. Guys don’t get that a picture has a huge impact on whether a girl chooses to talk to them.
MarketWatch: Would you recommend guys get a second opinion then?
Golden: Obviously! And a third opinion — from a female friend and not one of your bros.
What about women’s photos?
Golden: Generally women’s pictures represent who they are. Guys typically look better in person because their pictures don’t represent who they are.
MarketWatch: What are the biggest mistakes women make when dating online?
Golden: I think the expectations are too high for women online. Not everyone comes in the package we want, they may have other attributes. Everyone’s got a strength to bring to the table and it doesn’t always come how we expect it to look.
MarketWatch: What are the biggest mistakes men make when dating online?
Golden: They don’t ask the girl out. Guys also think everyone is available last minute. If you are connecting with someone on Thursday, the time to ask her out isn’t that night at 6 p.m. A good exchange is, “I would love to get a drink next week.” Then get her cell number and keep the conversation going.
MarketWatch: Do you have LGBTQ customers and how does their experience differ?
Golden: I don’t think it does, I think love is love, the objective is the same, and all dating apps have options for all orientations now.
MarketWatch: Who should pay on the first date?
Golden: Whoever initiates — but I think the guy should initiate so then the guy should pay.
MarketWatch: What is your number one rule for single people using dating apps?
Golden: Stay off on the weekend. Weekends are for having fun you should look busy and active and having a full weekend — you shouldn’t be sitting around on a Saturday afternoon on Hinge.