but you should stick together' says TV presenter Bev Turner
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When LBC radio host Bev Turner's husband Olympian James Cracknell suffered a devastating brain injury it was always going to have a dramatic effect on family life.
Then as James lay stricken in a hospital bed she discovered she was pregnant.
Just as she needed him the most James was gone - his personality transformed and a new angrier version with no empathy in his place.
Seven years on they are stronger than ever but the experience has put her in a perfect position to talk about the way children change relationships and how they evolve.
The 44 year old explained to the First Time Dads podcast why sticking together is important and gave her tips for improving your relationship when you have childen.
You can hear the episode here:
She said: "The reality is every relationship will go a bit sh*t.
"Even if you love them with amazing passion during those first couple of years you will have times when you irritate each other."
Bev, who has three children, as well as presenting on LBC radio has written a best selling book on parenting and runs an antenatal class business.
Bev said: It's really important for me that dads are there.
"We do one session life with a new born and we do a bit about how to bath your baby and that stuff but we talk about your emotional resilience.
"I say to couples 'you can't picture it now as you sit here with your big bumps and you love each other' but once you have got a baby there are so many ways in which you can let each other down on an hourly basis.
(Image: Daily Mirror)
(Image: Rex)
"Because you start to view that person not as the person you fell in love with who is fabulous but you view them through the prism of whether they are a good parent.
"It's not just the mums looking at the dads thinking 'you haven't changed the nappy bin' or 'you haven't been out and bought the extra formula' or 'you've left your sweaty kit on the floor', it's also dads thinking 'I really think she should have breast fed for longer' or 'I am sure there are other dads who having sex by now"
"I always say 'please do not expect your partner to be psychic'."
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Bev's husband the double Olympic gold medalist rower James Cracknell was at peak physical fitness when he was cycling, running and rowing across America in 2010 when he was hit from behind by a lorry's wing mirror and left with an injury to his frontal lobe - the part of the brain which controls personality.
Bev said: "He became an negative evil caricature of himself - all the worst characteristics amplified
"It was awful. I found out I was pregnant 10 days after the accident and so that pregnancy was intense.
"James had no capacity for empathy."
Seven and half years out from the accident he is right as rain, in fact nicer than before.
"But it was like marriage with the volume turned up, I had four children for quite a long time
"We have had to work quite hard to make sure our relationship is ok because the kids would quite like us to stay together.
"On the whole it's better for us to stay together although it is incredibly difficult.
(Image: Daily Mirror)
(Image: Rex Features)
"We are 17 years together now and we were first together I think Heat magazine did a "we give it two weeks" and that is what has spurred us on - to prove people wrong.
"It's not perfect.
"It would have been so easy in those first couple of years after the accident to walk out and sat 'I can't do this' but in hindsight I am I didn't.
"You must keep making each other laugh, its the most important thing, for three years James lost his sense of humour and didn't get a jokes or make jokes
"He's got it back now."
Bev told First Time Dads she and James work hard to maintain the strength of their relationship as parenting takes so much of their time.
She said: "You can be in the room with someone and still miss them
"One of things we happen with children is you can go for a long time without looking each other in the eye.
"James and I can be in the kitchen and one of us is cooking, one of us is sorting out a PE kit, one of us is shouting at a child to stop doing head stands against the wall with his trainers on
"Weeks can go by with out looking each other in the eye.
"You have not be afraid to to say to your wife or girlfriend 'I miss us, I really miss you'.
(Image: Daily Mirror)
(Image: Daily Mirror)
"Leave a note on the fridge, 'please pick up some milk and the dry cleaning, please give me a kiss when you come home to tonight'
"We all get into that really passive aggressive or even aggressive conversational style where we start a sentence with 'you', James does it all the time'.
"He will come in and and I will ask him where he has been all day and he say "Well, you said..." and the conversation goes 'bang bang bang'
"So instead I say 'When i can come I was really looking forward to seeing you"."
Have a listen to the podcast, and other episodes including former cricket Andrew Flintoff talking about dealing with pushy parents, and you will hear Bev and the guys discussing parenting multiple children and sharing personal experiences.
The Happy Birth Book: Your trusted A-Z of pregnancy, birth and the early weeks by Beverley Turner is out now