Simon Thomas admits on BBC Songs of Praise he was 'angry at God' after death of his wife
TV presenter Simon Thomas has revealed how he promised his wife as she was dying from cancer that he would never give up his faith - despite admitting he was 'angry with God'.
In an appearance on Songs of Praise, the Sky Sports host, 45, discusses how his Christianity was tested when Gemma died from leukaemia, three days after her diagnosis, but said that it helps him to hang on to the hope that he will see her again.
Gemma, 40, passed away in November 2017, just three days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, a type of blood cancer that affects the bone marrow.
Simon, who had to tell his son Ethan, nine, that his mother had died, said on the BBC programme which airs on Sunday: 'I was really angry with God and I still get angry at times now.
TV presenter Simon Thomas spoke with Songs of Praise host Sean Fletcher about how his faith was tested following the death of his wife
Simon's wife Gemma (pictured together) passed away last December, just three days after being diagnosed with acute myloid leukaemia
'I don't think I'll probably ever really find out why [Gemma died]. But God is beyond big enough to take my anger.'
In the episode, Simon takes presenter Sean Fletcher to his local church in Berkshire where he and Gemma worshipped together, and to which he still belongs.
Fresh with memories of her funeral service, it’s a place he still finds hard to be, but it’s also where he has found huge support.
He explained how his deep Christian faith which he and Gemma shared, had given him strength in difficult times.
Simon said it was hard for Ethan because he has lost his mother and is an only child
Simon explained how he had to rely on God even though he felt angry at him and will never know why his wife died
'At times I’ve literally been holding on by one finger to my faith. 'Because that gives the direction for everything else.
'It was the glue in our marriage, and it helps me in terms of how we and now I bring up Ethan. It’s the reference point for my life.'
'In the three days after Gemma’s diagnosis, where everything’s coming at you, wondering what on earth acute myeloid leukaemia is, we’re wondering "is she going to survive this?".
WHO WAS SIMON THOMAS'S WIFE GEMMA AND HOW DID SHE DIE? Gemma, 40, passed away in November 2017, just three days after being diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia, a type of blood cancer that affects the bone marrow. In 2005, Simon married Gemma and had Ethan, now nine together. Gemma died of an aggressive and rare form of blood cancer in 2017. The symptoms of acute myeloid leukaemia usually develop over a few weeks and become more severe. Symptoms include pale skin, tiredness, breathlessness, frequent infections, unusual and frequent bleeding. In AML, stem cells within the patient's bone marrow produce too many immature white blood cells, which are not capable of fighting infection. This also can lead to a decrease in production of the oxygen-carrying red blood cells and platelets that help the blood to clot. Each year around 2,600 people in the UK are diagnosed with blood cancer. After diagnosis, patients need urgent chemotherapy due to the aggressive nature of the cancer.
'It gave me peace even amidst the noise and the fear. And it gives me the hope that one day I’m going to see her again.
I know some will say "Oh it’s just a nice kind of emotional crutch that helps you at times like this", but for me it’s real.
Simon, who suffers from depression, has documented he and his eight-year-old son Ethan's struggle with their loss on social media.
In 2005, he married Gemma and had Ethan together, but in late 2017 they discovered Gemma had a rare cancer known as AML – Acute Myeloid Leukaemia and just three days after her diagnosis, she died.
On Songs of Praise the presenter explained how he dealt with his wife's final days: 'I think that's why I promised it that day, as she neared the end. I remember the next day I was sat in our lounge.
'The sun was streaming in. I said "God I will not forsake you. I'm not going to give up on faith. This is going to be the biggest, hardest test of my faith that I'm ever going to go through."
'I've come close at times to saying "Do you know what, I can't do this anymore. This feels like an episode of the Krypton Factor, I'm trying to find you God in all this and I can't. It feels like you've gone quiet."
'And yet, he's not left my side - he has not left me.'
He added: '[But] I was really angry with God and I still get angry at times now.
'I don't think I'll probably ever really find out why [Gemma died]. But God is beyond big enough to take my anger.
'He can take me shouting at him. Jesus shouted at him on the cross, "Why have you forsaken me, where on earth are you God, at the moment I need you most?"'
Songs of Praise: Christianity and Cancer airs on Sunday 3rd June at 4.15pm on BBC One