Shirley Manson of rock band Garbage talks for first time about her history of self-harm
She may appear to be super confident on stage with her band Garbage but that wasn't always the case.
And on Tuesday, Shirley Manson spoke out about her history of self-harm and depression in an op-ed piece titled The First Time I Cut Myself for the New York Times.
The 51-year-old frontwoman of the alternative rock band said she started harming herself when she was a teenager after dropping out of high school in Scotland, where she hails from.
Speaking out: Garbage lead singer Shirley Manson, seen with her band on stage in Del Mar, San Diego, spoke out about harming herself in op-ed piece for the New York Times on Tuesday
'I didn’t know I was a cutter until the first time I chose to cut. I didn’t even know it was a "thing,” ' Shirley wrote in the op-ed.
She explained it was her way of coping with a life spiraling out of control.
'I was having sex with multiple partners, experimenting with drugs and drinking copious, alarming amounts of alcohol.
Self-harm horror: 'I didn’t know I was a cutter until the first time I chose to cut. I didn’t even know it was a "thing,” ' Shirley wrote
'I would often fall foul of crushing depression, struggling to get out of bed before 4 in the afternoon. Having flunked out of school, I had no set future in mind.'
It was a fight with a boyfriend that finally tipped the flame-haired Scot over the edge, but she covered up the wounds and the scars so that no one would know.
'It didn’t hurt,' she wrote in the Times of the cut to her ankle, adding that she cut herself twice more. 'In that room at that moment, I felt untouchable and powerful. I was a woman in charge.'
Double denim darling: The 51-year-old, seen at the Liberatum Mexico Festival in Mexico City in March, shared that she first cut her ankle when she had an abusive boyfriend
Shirley revealed that her urge to harm herself subsided after her toxic relationship with her boyfriend ended.
But it returned once the band found fame, during a tour in Europe after the release of it's 1998 album, Version 2.0.
'I was suffering from extreme “impostor syndrome,” constantly measuring myself against my peers, sincerely believing that they had gotten everything right and I had gotten everything so very wrong,' she shared.
With her boys: Garbage, from left Butch Vig, Duke Erikson, Shirley and Steve Marker, are prepping a tour in support of the reissue of their 1998 hit album, Version 2.0
Now with the band celebrating the 20th anniversary reissue of the album and an upcoming tour in support, Shirley says she has got the urge to harm herself under control.
Meanwhile, the rocker said was she was 'shocked but delighted' when she was honored with industry bible The New Musical Express' Icon Award for her music and activism spanning three decades in London in February.
She has used her platform to speak out on issues ranging from the use of fur in fashion to support for Aids funding to working with LGBTQ charities.