TV presenter Jeff Brazier: I want my boys to know that it’s OK to cry
PH 'There’s no title for it, you’re in the middle of being mum and dad'
Jeff Brazier is clearly emotional when we first meet. As we sit drinking tea in a smart basement bar in central London, the 38-year-old father of two is still reeling from a tearful appearance on ITV’s Loose Women earlier that day. As he chatted on screen about life as a single dad, Jeff became visibly choked up. “When I was talking, I could feel a lump growing in my throat. I had to acknowledge it and say sorry because it was stopping me from talking. “But I’m so grateful it happened because now I can go home to my boys and say, ‘Look, daddy cried. It’s OK for you to cry too’.” Television presenter and former professional footballer Jeff, who lives in Newhall, Essex, is father to sons Bobby, 14, and Freddie, 12.
When their mother, reality TV star Jade Goody, died from cervical cancer in March 2009 aged just 27, Jeff was left to care for the boys alone. “There’s no title for it, you’re in the middle of being mum and dad. You’ll never replace mum, you’re not even trying to replace mum but your job gets bigger,” he says. “My hardest battle is getting my boys to open up. I think if it had been me who wasn’t here , Jade would have found it easier. Boys tend to open up to their mum emotionally.” Jeff says that being a single dad has been a steep learning curve. “I’ve had to be a lot more in touch with my emotions since Jade’s death so I could encourage them to do the same,” says Jeff, who was in a relationship with Jade from 2002 to 2004 after meeting the Big Brother star through his flatmate.
PH Jeff with Jade Goody
“I wanted to do the best job I could for the boys. I’ve had to be flexible and adapt to their needs.” Putting his children first has at times meant pushing his own feelings to the side. “I was in denial about my own grief for a long time. I was so quick to tell myself I shouldn’t be grieving for Jade because we weren’t together when she died. This has to be all about the boys . However, when you’ve brought kids into the world with somebody, they’re special.” Eight years on from Jade’s death, Jeff is facing his greatest challenge yet: his boys’ teenage years. “Of course the boys still grieve for their mum. However, their grief is different from what it used to be and one of my biggest fears is the way they feel going unnoticed.
Jade Goody's Funeral Sat, April 4, 2009 Play slideshow 1 of 32 Widower Jack Tweed carries his wife's coffin in the church
The more they become teenagers, the more they will suppress their emotions. It’s my job as their dad to fight against that, to make sure their mum is talked about on a regular basis.” Jeff admits it was easier when the boys were small. “When they were younger they were far more honest about how they felt. If they were upset, they would tell me about it. But as they’ve got older they are starting to avoid the discussion more.” Jeff says by remembering Jade often he hopes to keep the boys’ memories of their mum alive. “We celebrate Mother’s Day once a month. It’s a tactic I came up with to allow ourselves to grieve. We do something different each time but always something they enjoy. It attaches their mum to fun things and we go bowling, trampolining or go-karting.” When Jeff watched ex-footballer Rio Ferdinand’s BBC documentary Being Mum And Dad, in which the sportsman talked about his wife’s death from cancer in 2015, it inspired him to create a memory jar for Jade and start writing down memories and asking Jade’s friends and family to do the same. He says: “The boys were four and fi ve when Jade died and the sad truth is that their memories of their mummy will fade over time. So it’s important to renew them. “Having the jar also means that anyone that comes into our house who knew Jade can lend the boys their memories too.” While Jeff doesn’t see himself as a role model, he believes celebrities should use their platform to talk about feelings, including grief. “It gives permission, doesn’t it? It changes perceptions. When people like Prince Harry and Rio encourage us to open up, we listen.”