We should correct our kids when they say things wrongly, but there's a reason we don't...
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And (personally, anyway) having a massive internal freakout at how ludicrously quickly they are growing and changing, and that I’ll blink a couple more times and they’ll be at university living on value vodka and instant noodles.
Of course, there are some things we are happy never to have darken our door again – who would feel wistful over soggy bedsheets, nits, or everything you own being covered in ketchup? But the cute stuff is another matter. Which is why myself and every other parent I’ve ever met fails to correct their children when they do that adorable thing of saying words in ever-so-slightly the wrong way.
My daughter enjoys cheese nan-witches for lunch and bounces on a pamperline. My son (who really should be taught the error of his ways by now) enjoys bisketti bolognese and his favourite ‘aminal’ – OK, he doesn’t say that one any more, but HOW SWEET – is a bergiraffe (no clue why the ber’ thing, but the moon is also a ‘moonk’, according to his girl pal).
(Image: Getty)
These words have now been adopted by the whole family to be used until the end of time. As such we often sit down to a Sunday breakfast of strangled eggs on toast (we have them with ‘nippy’ sauce because brown sauce tastes a bit, well, nippy), and treat ourselves to some navilla ice queen after dinner. When we go to their pals for tea, they are made to eat sugar napping peas (what can I say, they have posh veg choices), while the grown-ups have a nice dupper dee (cup of tea).
I also have a friend who takes her son shopping in Marks & Expensive to buy pop-porn. Indeed, some of the mispronunciations can be slighty unfortunate. Another friend’s son talks about having a ‘growth squirt’ – adorable when you’re five, less so now he is knocking on puberty’s door…
Some errors that have required correction include clock missing the ‘L’ and swapping the ‘tt’ for a casual double G in ‘butter’. Ditto a frog being called an unpleasantry beginning with the same letter. Especially in ear shot of judgemental folk when an amphibian is spotted in the local park…
Other ways small children mess with every day speech…
Instead of reading, building, writing, bringing and giving, we often readed, builded, writed, bringed and gived things, even though they are happening right now.
We are forever overcoming fuge osticles (otherwise known as huge obstacles) in our grammar and pronunciation, as you can see.
We sometimes treat ourselves to measles. We know how to live (measles are Maltesers, obviously).
Feel Lara's pain? Let her know on Twitter: @larajkilner
About Lara: Mum to a shouty six-year-old and a fast moving three-year old. Along with going to work and getting annoyed with my husband for leaving his pants on the floor, there isn't much time for anything else.