"We’ve come out the other side stronger": Couple who battled addiction hell pen moving letter to Ant McPartlin's wife
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When Ant McPartlin told of the strain put on his marriage by his two-year drugs battle, his words resonated with one ex-addict’s wife.
Elaine Price knew exactly what the I’m A Celebrity host meant when he said his alcohol and drug addiction put Lisa, his wife of 11 years, “through hell”.
Elaine, 64, suffered a similar hell as husband Kevin, 55, got hooked on booze – but the couple fought through it and are now stronger than ever. In an open letter to Lisa, the grandma from Mansfield, Notts reveals how they got back on track.
Dear Lisa
There is no doubt that Ant faces an incredible battle to recover from his reliance on prescription drugs, and my heart goes out to him.
Addiction of any kind is a life-changing and often disastrous disease that can ruin the lives of those affected in every way possible.
But there is one person often forgotten in these situations – the addict’s partner. And, seeing Ant revealing his struggle, I can imagine only too well the effect it has had on his relationship with you.
Because I have been in your shoes.
It is heart-wrenching seeing the person you love being overtaken by a compulsion so strong they are powerless to stop it, doing things you could never have imagined they’d be capable of, and seeing them hurting both themselves and you.
As a wife you want to handle it, but you don’t know how to handle it. You want to help, but you don’t know how.
But I want to tell you there is hope.
No matter the terrible things said and done, the lies, the broken promises and the betrayals, there is always hope as long as you both want it.
All you can do is to try and understand what Ant is going through, help as much as you can and encourage him to keep getting help.
And, I’m pleased to see, it looks as though you are both working at finding a way to move forward.
Of course, it won’t be easy and you will face many more ups and downs in the future. But it is worth it, and I am living proof. Just a few years ago I thought my marriage was over – 16 years gone in a haze of his alcohol addiction.
Kevin started drinking heavily after I seriously damaged my spine falling down the stairs in 1998. He left his career as an aircraft engineer with the Royal Navy and became my carer.
He had previously been a coal miner and used to like a drink with the lads, but now the strain of everything got a bit too much for him, and he started to drink more and more. In time he was drinking up to 30 units a day while trying to hold down a job in the paper industry.
He was drinking lager, wine, cider – you name it. I know Ant kept many facets of his addiction secret, but Kevin never tried to hide it from me.
At the height of his drinking, he had mood swings, like Ant said he has suffered from. He was never nasty, but he wasn’t coping with looking after me very well.
Our finances got out of control and he just wasn’t here for me when I needed him most. He was out most of the day, then would come back, have something to eat, and just go to bed.
(Image: Getty)
To me it just felt like he was living here, but wasn’t my husband.
When he was drunk, he was distant and I couldn’t talk to him about anything.
He was shaking all the time and I didn’t realise why at first – I thought he was nervous or something.
Then I realised that when you want a drink, you shake. I wanted to help, but felt helpless.
It got to the stage where I couldn’t carry on, and he moved out in 2006. I told him: “If you love me, you have to sort yourself out”.
We got divorced. It was awful for everybody.
Our son Jonathan, now 29, and daughter Jennifer, now 22, became my carers.
While he was away, he told me he tried to detox several times, but struggled to remain abstinent and repeatedly relapsed.
But, like Ant, Kevin got help to tackle his condition. After he got caught driving three-and-a-half times over the limit he met someone from the charity Addaction, who helped get him into rehab centre Chy in 2012.
(Image: Getty)
It was the best choice he ever made. His addiction pulled us apart and, while I stuck by him as much as I could, he was the only one who could help himself.
He spent 12 weeks in rehab but I never visited him – we decided to let the relationship go until everything was sorted out. And Chy sorted it out completely.
In 2013, when Kevin was completely tee-total, he came back and asked if we could give it another go.
I was apprehensive at first – and I’m sure you feel the same, Lisa. You worry that he might still have problems. I gave him an ultimatum, saying: “If you don’t drink any more, we have a future. If you do, it’s over.”
We had been apart seven years but when he returned our relationship got stronger and stronger.
Thanks to the money Kevin’s saved by not buying alcohol or cigarettes, we’ve been able to help Jonathan with moving out and getting a flat.
Jennifer was feeling tied to being a carer, because I am still disabled after the accident – but since Kevin came back she has been able to fulfil her dream of going abroad. She is now living in Dubai as a teaching assistant.
It’s brought all the family closer.
Kevin says the only thing broken in our relationship was his addiction. We haven’t looked back, and later this year will walk down the aisle to remarry.
We’ve been through turbulent times but we’ve come out the other side stronger. You can too.