text: An MS sufferer who died in an alleged assisted suicide left a recording of her nightmare life and frustration with not being able to travel to Switzerland to die, a court has heard. Bernadette Forde was found dead in a wheelchair in the sitting room of her home in Dublin on June 6, 2011, with a dictaphone which had recorded her 'suicide note'. In the first trial of its kind in Ireland, the carer of the 51-year-old, Gail O'Rorke, has been charged with helping her to kill herself. Gail O'Rorke, pictured centre, has pleaded not guilty to helping Bernadette Forde commit suicide in June 2011. She was found dead in her wheelchair with a recorded 'suicide note' saying she couldn't live anymore . The jury sitting at Dublin Circuit Criminal Court (pictured) were played the tape recorded by Ms Forde, aged 51, who said: 'I just can't live with his anymore. It's just my life is s**t... everything is just a nightmare' The 43-year-old taxi driver pleaded not guilty at Dublin Circuit Criminal Court to three charges. On Wednesday the recording left by Ms Forde, from Donnybrook, was played to the jury and heard he say her plan to die was 'me, totally me, and nobody else'. 'I knew what I wanted to do. I just can't live with this anymore. It's just my life is s**t,' she said. 'I just can't keep going on with everything ... everything is just a nightmare.' O'Rorke, who started working for Ms Forde as a cleaner before becoming her carer, is accusing of making arrangements for the wheelchair-bound woman to travel to Zurich in Switzerland, and also helping her to buy and administer a toxic substance between April and June 2011. She is also alleged to have helped Ms Forde plan her funeral. The court heard a letter had been sent by Dignitas general secretary Ludwig A Minelli which gave Ms Forde the 'provisional green light' to attend the clinic in Zurich. It was also revealed that gardai were alerted to Ms Forde's plans to travel to Switzerland by a travel agent in Rathgar, south Dublin. O'Rorke (pictured) was a cleaner and carer for Ms Forde. It is alleged that she helped the MS sufferer buy a 'toxic' substance over the internet so she could kill herself. O'Rorke was in Kilkenny the night Ms Forde died . Ireland decriminalised suicide in 1993 but the jury was told assisting a suicide remains an offence. The trial heard Ms Forde was confined to a wheelchair in 2008 after suffering substantial injuries in a car accident in the car park of department store Brown Thomas in Dublin. She spent four months in St James' Hospital and underwent three liver operations and had both her knees shattered after leg spasms forced her foot on to the accelerator of her car causing the crash. Ms Forde told how she could not use a specially ordered bed, she could not raise her legs on to a mattress, she was losing the ability to write and even medical appointments were becoming too difficult. O'Rorke did her hair, her shopping and hitched Ms Forde's dresses up to allow her to go to the toilet while sitting. Ms Forde was given the provisional green light to go to the Dignitas Clinic in Zurich, Switzerland (pictured) for an assisted suicide, but her travel agent tipped off the police before she was able to make the journey . In a recording played to the court, Ms Forde said she used a dictaphone to record her final words because her ability to write had deteriorated, and had sourced the drugs she used to kill herself over the internet . The dictaphone recording revealed her hopes of a death in Dignitas had been dashed and how she had been unaware assisting her to travel could be illegal. 'After the Dignitas experience I realised that I had to do whatever I did on my own that I can't even talk to someone in case they are implicated,' Ms Forde said. 'I have no help now at all. It's very difficult. I can't even talk to someone now.' Ms Forde said she saw information about Exit International, which advocates the legalisation of euthanasia, while watching the Late, Late Show on Irish television. The court heard allegations that O'Rorke (pictured) helped Ms Forde commit suicide by helping her buy the drug that killed her. She denies all the charges . She said she had sourced drugs for her death online. 'It's just so difficult that, you know, I just can't do any of this again or any more,' she said. 'Hiding it from friends has been difficult. It's just so unfair that you can't come in contact with anyone that I have to be totally alone. No-one, that's just it.' Ms Forde said a suicide note might not be possible because her writing had deteriorated. 'That's why I'm using this, I hope that it will make my wishes, my intention clear to anyone who wants to question it afterward because it's me and totally me and nobody else,' she said. 'I suppose I'm just very frustrated that it has to be this way - why it's like that in Ireland, why I can't get to Dignitas where it could all have been done.' Ms Forde is heard apologising a number of times and insisting that she did not want anyone to get into trouble in connection with her death. She added: 'It should not be a question mark because it's what I wanted and what else can I do. 'I'm sorry again but it's just ... I don't know ... I have to say, this bloody country.' The trial is expected to last about two weeks. Remy Farrell, senior counsel for the Irish State, said that the death of Ms Forde's sister from cancer in 2010 acted as a catalyst for her to consider euthanasia. He told the jury she had bought a 'toxic substance' over the internet, and alleged that O'Rorke was instrumental in obtaining the drug, making payment and that she was in the house with Ms Forde when the package was delivered. O'Rorke was on a hotel break in Kilkenny on the night of the death. Mr Farrell ended his opening statement to the jury by advising them that the trial was not a forum to debate the controversial subject of assisted suicide. The trial continues. For confidential support call the Samaritans in the UK on 08457 90 90 90, visit a local Samaritans branch or click here for details. Sorry we are not currently accepting comments on this article.
target: 'Suicide note' was played to court in Dublin as her carer goes on trial .
  Bernadette Forde, 51, had been given green light to travel to Dignitas clinic .
  Carer Gail O'Rorke charged with assisting suicide by helping to buy drugs .