text: Suddenly, at the age of 34 and after 15 years of hoping for the exact opposite, I desperately wanted to get pregnant. My husband Russell was ready to be a father, we were financially secure and after editing a weekly magazine in New York for four stressful years, I was ready to resign and focus on building a family. Eleven months later, when my body was still not doing what I demanded, I got depressed, stressed and scared. Proud mum Sarah Ivens with her two children, William (left) and one-year-old Matilda (centre) 'Have I left it too late to have a baby?’ I’d wail impatiently to Russell as month after month I’d clutch at my abdomen in pain as my period started, filled with a burgeoning dread that my body was failing us. ‘I always put my career first, and travelling and having our dream wedding. Now I’m worried I’m too old.’ I was paranoid that my life decisions had left my baby dreams impossible to reach. During my pre-broody years I’d been bombarded with images of 40-something celebrities, gloating about how easy it had been for them to conceive naturally and quickly. Of course, horror stories in the tabloids tried to persuade me that I had about as much chance of procreating successfully after the age of 30 as I did of making it to The X Factor finals, but I had decided to follow the stars and wear blinkers. The truth, I was quickly discovering, lay somewhere in the middle of the heartbreak, guilt and misinformation women find themselves drowning in as they consider motherhood. Happy family: After years of heartbreak, Sarah and Russell have two children William, (centre) and Matilda . Pregnancy expert Zita West said: ‘I think in a way modern life has done women a disservice. ‘We’re told we can have it all, so women go on the pill while they are building their careers for many, many years, which masks any issues they may have such as polycystic ovary syndrome or endometriosis. 'Then when they decide to have a baby in their 30s, they are shocked if it doesn’t happen as they planned. 'We know that fertility starts to decline at 35 and that age is the biggest factor in a woman’s ability to conceive. Sarah and Russell celebrate their wedding with a dream day in the Cotswolds in 2009 . Expectant parents Sarah and husband Russell prepare for their son William's imminent arrival in 2011 . 'What women need to do immediately is ask their mothers what age they went through the menopause: this is a key genetic factor in your own fertility, and your cycle starts to decline rapidly 10 years before you hit the menopause.’ Eventually, Russ and I conceived - naturally - but at the 13-week scan, the other horrific factor of late motherhood reared its ugly head. Our baby had severe chromosomal abnormalities and had zero chance of survival. I was advised by a series of doctors to have a medical abortion, to safeguard my future fertility and mental state. ‘The sooner we get this unviable pregnancy dealt with, the quicker you can go on to conceive a healthy baby,’ our specialist advised us. This sounds callous, but even through the fog of utter devastation I knew he was being cruel to be kind: I didn’t have too much time. I was turning 35 in one month. A few days later, as I was wheeled into the operating theatre, tears streamed down my cheeks and neck and onto my pale blue hospital robe. Everyone was sad for me, but this was quite a common occurrence for a woman of my dotage. ‘Well, you have left it quite late, haven’t you,’ a few supposed sympathisers uttered in my direction when I was feeling sorry for myself. What had I expected? Preparing to be a new mum, Sarah poses at nine months pregnant with her son William, born in 2011 . Friends were as divided as the media when it came to declaring their true fertility stories. While one friend admits to leaving it too late and worrying herself to sleep each night over the mounting IVF treatment bills (her husband has insisted, scared of debt, she stop with the baby dream when they hit the £50,000 mark); another friend is determined to put off pregnancy until she has passed some professional exams. ‘I’ll only be 37 when I’m done – and if I have to re-sit, I can delay pregnancy another year easily,’ she tells me, perhaps naively. Another friend got joyously pregnant with her first child on the eve of her 40th birthday. Sarah celebrates the joy of having her son, William in 2011, after the grief of having to end her first pregnancy . Her husband – who was depressed at being made redundant – threatened to kill himself if she kept the baby. So she had an abortion, while he suddenly seemed to get better – better enough to leave her for a 20-something woman he met in his new job a few months later. ‘I’ll regret that choice for the rest of my life,’ she recently declared. ‘It wasn’t until my womb was empty and he’d gone that I realised I wanted a baby more than I wanted him.’ Other friends in their mid-to-late 30s are choosing to stick their heads in the sand. ‘If I get to 40 and I’m still single, I’ll get just find a sperm donor,’ is the flippant battle cry of many women I know. Some friends get pregnant as soon as they decide to start trying, of course, and those ones frustrate me the most. There is nothing noble in my frustration; I am despicably jealous – especially when these women don’t appreciate how lucky they are. So what can women who know they want to have children in the future do to safeguard their future fertility? ‘The medical profession is considering lifestyle more,’ says West. ‘Women and men need to look at their eating habits and whether they are under or overweight. 'A Body Mass Index of between 19 and 26 is ideal for protecting fertility health. Take multivitamins. 'Avoid fizzy drinks and processed foods; drink alcohol and caffeine in moderation and stop smoking and using drugs. 'All these things cause free radical damage, which harms your long-term chances of conceiving. 'There are no magic answers here; future parents just need to follow a healthy lifestyle.’ West also thinks women should address any psychological issues they have before trying to become a parent. Sarah's much longed-for son William, tenderly kisses his newborn baby sister Matilda . ‘Modern women are all about not getting pregnant, then suddenly a switch flips in their head at a certain age and they think they should be able to conceive immediately. Yet blockages exist and they need to ask themselves questions to stop their sub-conscious sending negative messages. 'How do you visualise your body? How do you connect with your womb?' asks West. 'I believe acupuncture, hypnotherapy and counselling can help a woman prepare her body for the journey towards motherhood.’ Now I am part of the envy-inducing club: I have two healthy children, a boy and a girl, although I did lose another pregnancy at 12 weeks in between their joyous arrivals. And that wonderful feeling is not something I’d want any woman who desires it to miss out on because she has been lulled into a false sense of security or stress due to the misinformation surrounding the issue of fertility today. ‘One day’ is a long way away. Take control of your options today.
target: Journalist Sarah Ivens, 39, tells of her struggle to get pregnant aged 34 .
  The mother-of-two tried for years before having a child .
  She believes women need to be more aware of the difficulty of conceiving .