text: Depression: Nurse Victorino Chua wrote a long note in which he said he had 'a devil in me', Manchester Crown Court has heard . A nurse accused of murdering three patients in a hospital poisoning spree warned there was ‘a devil’ in him, a jury heard yesterday. Victorino Chua penned what he called a ‘bitter nurse confession’ in which he spelled out ‘how an angel can turn to an evil person’. In 13 pages of rambling, broken handwritten English, the Filipino nurse said he might ‘explode’ at any time, adding: ‘If I will be pushed, they gonna be sorry.’ Chua is accused of killing three patients by contaminating their saline drips with insulin and deliberately poisoning 18 others at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport between 2011 and 2012. His lawyers say the document – found in his home following his arrest – is not a criminal confession but an ‘outlet for his anger and frustration’ written at the suggestion of a counsellor 12 months before the first alleged poisoning. But questioned by detectives after his arrest for changing patients’ prescriptions on the wards, the 49-year-old said: ‘Sometimes I snap’. Dependant on painkillers, sleeping tablets and antidepressants, Chua also wrote that he sometimes felt like killing himself, but feared he would ‘go straight to hell no questions asked’. As the prosecution in his trial at Manchester Crown Court drew to a close yesterday after nearly three months, the jury were read the entire document which was found in a kitchen drawer of his home in Stockport after he was arrested in January 2012. Chua sat impassively in the dock as jurors were told how over more than a dozen pages of sometimes hard-to-follow broken English written in scrawling capital letters, he recounts the story of his life, beginning: ‘My name is Victorino Domingo Chua.’ Document: Extracts from the 13-page note show that Chua wrote about 'a devil in me', going 'straight to hell' and being 'an evil person' making a 'bitter nurse confession' In the document, the father of two said he was writing ‘in case something happen to me (so) my family can continue my case or can tell somebody to look at it and work out how and (sic) angel turn to an evil person’. He added: ‘The bitter nurse confession. Got lots to tell but I just take it to my grave. My family will make history here in England.’ The jury has been told the ‘case’ refers to a complaint he had lodged against his local GP surgery after it mistakenly posted his confidential medical records to a different address. In a later addition to the document dated December 2010, Chua described how he could control the number of painkillers he took for back and knee pain when he was at home – but at work he ‘can’t help it to take more than the limit’. He added: ‘I’m just telling them I’m fine and alright just to shut there (sic) mouth. ‘Still inside of me I can feel the anger that any time it will explode ... just still hanging on ... can still control it but if I will be pushed they gonna be sorry.’ Earlier he wrote how he was avoiding going drinking with friends, adding: ‘They thought I’m a nice person but there (is) a devil in me.’ Deaths on the ward: (Left to right) Patients Tracey Arden, 44, Arnold Lancaster, 71 and Derek Weaver, 83 . Allegations: Chua is accused of killing three patients at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport, pictured . The jury was also read sections of Chua’s police interviews during which he was asked about working on two wards where he is alleged to have murdered patients Tracey Arden, 44, Arnold Lancaster, 71, and 83-year-old Derek Weaver. He replies: ‘Sometimes I snap.’ Asked what he meant, Chua said he would tell colleagues to ‘leave me alone’ because if they distracted his work on the busy admissions unit he would be ‘back to square one again’. Chua said he normally did a 44-hour week with up to 12 hours’ overtime, doing the overnight shift so he could help his wife with their children during the day. In the document, Chua described his upbringing in the Philippines and how his life changed when his wealthy businessman father split from his mother. Once ‘the envy’ of relatives and neighbours, he and his siblings struggled to get by after the marriage breakdown. He described befriending wealthy students by buying them drugs or dealing for them, while earning extra money by doing odd jobs like washing cars. He lived with his grandmother, who he said pushed him into nursing even though ‘I don’t like it’. He had a difficult relationship with his father, he said, and when he saw him suffer a fatal heart attack in 1986 ‘I didn’t feel anything’. Chua described himself at that time as ‘a naughty boy, doing bad things’, taking medical gear from the Manila hospital where he worked and selling them to people who couldn’t afford treatment. ‘I’m evil, at the same time angel,’ he wrote. Eventually he lost his job and supported his new wife and their young daughter by buying and selling cars before applying to work in Britain in 2002. He started working at care homes in Warrington and Stockport, suffering a prolapsed disc hoisting a patient in 2003 which left him dependant on painkillers, a problem made worse when he later injured his knee falling in snow. After he started work at Stepping Hill Hospital in 2009 – which he said he ‘loved’ – Chua described his state of mind as ‘can’t sleep, paranoid and mental’ and said he would stay in his room all day. He hated noise and shopping trips, adding: ‘I see small things as a big problem.’ He wrote that he went to visit relatives in Japan and considered not returning, but decided to stay in England. Chua added that he sometimes wanted to ‘end my life’ but needed to be with his family, adding that ‘if I go, I go straight to hell no question ask(ed)’. Chua denies murder as well as 24 counts of attempting to cause grievous bodily harm with intent, eight of attempting to administer poison, one of causing grievous bodily harm with intent and one of administering poison. The trial continues. Sorry we are not currently accepting comments on this article.
target: Victorino Chua, 49, wrote 13-page document  describing his battle with depression and physical injury .
  Described note as 'bitter nurse confession' and said he had a 'devil in me'
  Claimed he had contemplated suicide but thought he'd go 'straight to hell'
  Chua denies murdering three patients at Stockport hospital in 2011 .