text: Rating: . Poets House is a swish new hotel in Ely, a three-minute walk from the cathedral, offering terrific value. It's quite a venture - and must have been a huge investment. There are 21 rooms, all with copper standalone baths placed near luxurious double beds. I keep thinking about Phil Neville, the former England footballer whose home once appeared in Hello! and which forever more is held as the gold standard for unadulterated bling. Which is to say that Poets House is glossy and lavish, but manages to stay on the right side of kitsch, not least because the finish is so good. There isn't a scuff in sight. State of the art: Poets House is as much a Sex And The City retreat as a hideaway in genteel Ely . No, it might not be to all tastes (there are mirrors everywhere with poetry written on them, such as lines from Kipling: 'Since my house to thy house no greater can send than thy house but my house, friend comforting friend') and the floors are given over to black-and-white squares with embedded stars. But you would be hard pressed not to have a good time here. We arrive on a wet blustery evening. I pop into reception and ask where we can park and am told to leave the car exactly where it is. Valet parking will sort it at no extra charge. Then a man who says he has a Hungarian father and German mother escorts us purposefully to our room, opens the door and says: 'You have every shade of grey in here.' He must have used the line dozens of times, but still gets a kick from it. We unpack our whips (sorry, wash bags) before hurrying down to the shiny, funky bar and order two glasses of bubbly. Black and white: Poets House incorporates smart, clean lines, elegant décor and crisp white tablecloths . We're in the zone, sitting on stools at the flashy bar as if auditioning as extras for a Sex And The City sequel, and have to pinch ourselves that this is Ely. The main dining room is a more formal, carpeted affair with crisp, white tablecloths and huge, bulbous wine glasses. There's an amuse bouche (naturally), followed by impressive, but over-elaborate, scallops and then perfectly cooked steaks. Back in our room, there are gadgets galore: a TV that connects to the internet, a Bose sound system accessible via Bluetooth, a tablet computer playing the role of the hotel directory. The carpet is thick, the shiny bedhead and curtains so over the top they make us chuckle. After breakfast, we tell a member of staff that we want to visit the cathedral. 'Just leave everything packed in your room and we will put it all your car, which will be waiting for you when you return.' It is, too. Poets House used to be an old people's home. For any lingering ghosts from those days, it must seem like a thousand years ago. Poets House . St Mary's Street Ely . Cambridgeshire . CB7 4EY . 01353 887777 . www.thehousecollection.com . Doubles from £159 B&B . Rating: .
target: Poets House is a swish new hotel in Ely, three minutes from the cathedral .
  It comes complete with 21 chic rooms - and complimentary valet parking .
  It used to be an old people's home, but is a world remove from this era .