1. Chapter 1

**New Story - definately not one of my fav's but it still wanted to be written. I've tried to make Myles as close to the character as I can get but he is a hard one to write xx **

**Anyway hope you enjoy x **

"It's Myles" those two words circled around Lucy's head refusing to leave. It had been over a week since the day Myles got shot in the chest plate during a raid but still she felt something... She just didn't know what it was.

She had found herself watching him more and more during the last week. The physical bruises were fading, but the psychological effects of the shooting were still visible on the surface. He had seemed distant, nervous and on some occasions almost scared, but Myles being Myles was trying to cover it with his usual sarcasm and wit, seemingly fooling everyone, everyone except Lucy.

She knew him better than everyone else in the office, they had dated, she knew aspects of his personal life that he would never dream about telling anyone else and even though he had cheated on her and on some days she would love to have been the one who pulled the trigger, she still cared deeply for him.

Watching him coming back to the office after a takedown of a known drug dealer who had fired blanks at the team she saw that scared look surface once more, she knew he had been seeing a psychologist, but still there was something eating away at him. It was at this moment that she knew what to do; she had to make him really open up, so wandered over to his desk

"Myles, What are you doing tonight?" She asked casually

"Chasing suspects! Interviewing witnesses! How do I know I'm not telepathic" He answered

Rolling her eyes she nearly walked away from him, but there was something in his eyes that made her stay

"So you don't have any specific plans"

"No Lucy I don't" he answered sarcastically "Why?"

"Because I need you advice about a friend of mine and I don't want to discuss it in the office"

"There are other rooms in this place Lucy, that's why it's called an office building"

"I know Myles but it's a sensitive matter and I don't want to risk others knowing, please it would really help me out"

Grunting and rolling his eyes he knew she wasn't giving up anytime soon so he just replied "Fine, I'll come by your place at 8pm"

"Great, thank you Myles I really appreciate this and I know my friend will to"

Happy that she had gotten over the hurdle of getting Myles to the apartment without too much of a protest from Myles, she headed back to her desk and attempted to reach the summit of Paperwork Mountain

Around 5pm Lucy headed back to Myles' desk

"Don't forget 8pm and don't eat anything I'll cook us dinner"

"Lucy, there is nothing wrong with my memory; I can remember conversations that happened hours ago. I can, and this may shock you, even remember conversations from two maybe three days ago. There is no need to keep reminding me every five minutes. What do you mean cook dinner, how long is this little chat going to take?"

"It depends on how useful you are" She replied as she headed home

Standing in the kitchen Lucy added the finishing touches to the grilled chicken salad she had made for their dinner. Sue came in behind her

"Something smells good"

Turning to face her she replied

"Thank you, I hope it tastes as good, so where are you off all dressed up?" She asked when she noticed the change in her outfit

"If I tell you, you have to promise not to go all Lucy match-maker on me"

Lucy put her hand on her heart and raised her right arm before stating "I promise"

"Jack and I are going to dinner and before you say anything it is not a date, it's just two friends going out to eat that's all"

Lucy couldn't hide the look of excitement on her face, but true to her word didn't speak she just smiled a smile that Sue knew only too well.

As Sue left the apartment with Levi in tow, Lucy jumped her happy dance around the apartment at the thought of Jack and Sue going on a 'date' even if neither one of them would admit that's what it was. True to his word at exactly 8pm, Lucy answered the door Myles

"Hi"

"Hi, well what's this big problem you need to talk about that is obviously so important I had to drag myself all the way here"

"We will get to that, but how about food first"

"I'm not hungry"

"Myles, please I know you are, you have barely had anything to eat at work for the past week, I can see the difference, I know you're not eating"

"I am eating"

"Myles, this is me you're talking to, not Jack, not Bobby, not Ted, ME!"

"Fine if it will stop you nagging I'll eat"

Walking towards the kitchen, he had to admit that whatever she had cooked smelt beautiful, and she was right he hadn't been eating.

The pair sat in silence as Lucy watched him eat his grilled chicken and salad as if he was scared it would suddenly disappear

"Thanks Lucy, that was delicious"

"Thank you, I'm glad to finally see you eat, so how about a movie?" she asked

Myles looked at her and he knew what she was doing, a small dose of anger started to build up inside him at the thought that she had tricked him into coming over

"I can't believe she told you, I told her that stuff in confidence and what does she do, she runs off and tells you!" he practically yelled at her

Lucy was shocked at the look in his eyes and his sudden outburst that she moved back against her chair

"Myles, what are you talking about"

Standing abruptly from the chair he began pacing and yelling at her

"Don't play stupid Luce, I know Sue told you I was seeing a psychiatrist and that after we arrested the suspects in the shooting I had a panic attack, something, I may add, she promised to keep to herself"

Standing herself, she walked towards the kitchen counter where he was now stood and placed her hand on his arm, hoping it would calm him a bit

"Myles" she said hoping he would look at her, but he refused he kept his eyes firmly fixed on the floor

"Myles, look at me" she yelled, causing his head to finally snap up, his icy glare scared her, but she knew he had to get out what was making him angry, this was more than the thought of Sue betraying his confidence and she knew it

"Myles, Sue didn't tell me anything, I saw coming from the psychiatrist's office two days after the shooting. I know that something is eating you up inside and making you angry."

"I'm fine!" he snapped

"No you are not!" she snapped herself "I've seen you in the office, every-time someone taps you on the shoulder you jump, you used to be the first one out of the office during a raid, now you're the last, you came back from the drug bust on Monday white as a sheet and shaking. So don't give this crap about being fine"

"It's not crap Luce I'm FINE!" he snapped again, grabbing his jacket he headed for the door ready to storm out, Lucy behind him hoping to prevent it, she managed to get in front of him and stopped by the door

"Move LUCE!"

"No, not until you tell me what's going on"

"I've told you I'M FINE!"

Placing her hand on his face in effort to defuse the anger she replied "Myles, please talk to me, I know you're not fine. I know you're scared. I was too. When Tara said it was you that got shot my heart dropped, even though you hurt me, I still care deeply about you. Now please talk to me"

Myles stood there looking at her, he could see the hurt in her eyes, he could tell she was scared and right now it was him that scaring her.

"I'm sorry Lucy" was all he managed to get out before breaking down and falling into her arms crying and holding on to her like a drowning man

"It's ok Myles, Let it out! Let it all out" She said gently as she rubbed his back, him saying "sorry" over and over again

After a few moments Myles lifted his head, embarrassed at his sudden breakdown

"Sorry Luce"

"It's ok Myles" she replied softly "I know you've been keeping everything bottled up, but that's not it is it? There is something else wrong"

He looked at her for a few moments, she was right, but he was never one to admit his feelings and he wasn't going to start now. "It's nothing Lucy" he replied again as he walked over to her sofa and sat down knowing full well she wasn't going to let him leave

Sighing she followed him, sitting next to him and placing her hand across his shoulder

"I'm not going anywhere Myles; I'll sit here all night if I have to"

True to her word the hours ticked by and still she didn't move, her hand remained on his shoulder, his arms remained on his knees and no words were spoken. Sue had come home and seeing the two of them sat there simply signed **Good night** to Lucy before heading to bed.

**Please review xx another chapter coming soon x **


	2. Chapter 2

**_I just want to take the time to thank all those who have taken the time to read, review and add this story to their alerts and favourites, you have no idea how much it means to me - especially due to the fact that its not one of my personal fav's._**

**New chapter xx this story has some how taken a completely different turn to what it was supposed to have **

Lucy glanced at the clock 3am, yet her and Myles were still sat in silence and in the same position they had been all night. A few times through the evening he would glance at her and she thought he was going to say something but every time he dropped his gaze and focused back on the floor.

"Coffee?" she asked

He didn't answer he just shook his head, feeling slightly frustrated with how stubborn one man could be she got up and walked into her kitchen to make herself some coffee, hoping it would cure the tiredness she was feeling. She wanted to be awake and alert for when Myles finally opened up.

Turning on the machine she heard the creak of her leather couch as he moved and stood up. Fearing he was about to leave she exited the kitchen

"It's ok Luce, I'm not leaving I just need the bathroom"

"Ok, you sure you don't want a drink, coffee, tea, juice, water"

He didn't answer he just walked into the bathroom, emerging a few moments later

"Lucy can I have some coffee?"

"Sure, take a seat"

She poured them both a cup and took a seat by the table, watching him swirling the half drunk liquid around in the mug.

"Luce, I'm sorry"

"For what"

"For yelling at you, for betraying you, for failing you, for everything"

"It's ok Myles, I forgave you weeks ago, but you never failed me, you hurt me, but never failed me"

"I did Luce"

"Myles I have no idea what you are talking about"

"The shooting bought it all back to surface"

Taking his hands in hers she looked in his eyes

"Bought what back Myle? What did the shooting bring back? Myles you need to talk about this it's obviously eating you up inside, it's making you angry, nervous, scared, just talk to me"

"Jenna Gregory, it bought back Jenna Gregory"

Lucy stopped breathing for a few moments when she heard her name. She hadn't thought about Jenna for nearly five years. Jenna was Lucy's friend; she was shot during a takedown five years ago. Myles, Bobby, Jack and Shep had gone to arrest a suspect but Jenna was in the house and she got caught in the cross fire, but that was an accident, how was it linked to Myles' shooting

"Myles what has Jenna got to do with all this" she asked the confusion evident in her voice

"I don't know where to start Lucy"

"Try the beginning Myles, it's normally a good place"

He was about to talk, but remembering the look on her face when they told her Jenna was killed was enough to stop him

"I'm sorry Luce, I can't" he said as he moved once more and left the table

"Oh that man can be so infuriating" she thought to herself as she followed him

"Myles Leyland III" she called

Turning around she could see the tears in his eyes, the tears he was so desperately trying to stop and hide

"Lucy you are going to hate me when I tell you, I can deal with you being angry and snapping at me but I can't deal with the thought of you hating me"

Moving towards him she pulled him into a hug, realising him she placed her hands on his face

"Myles, I could never hate you, whatever it is may make me angry for a while, but your still one of my best friends I could never hate"

He looked into her dark eyes for a moment and he knew it was time he told her the truth

"What if I told you I caused Jenna's death, I set it up so she would be in the house when we got there"

Lucy dropped her hands and moved back. Nothing he just said made any sense. She felt the tears in her eyes; if what he was saying was true he caused the death of her friend

"Myles I think you need to tell me exactly what happened"

**Please review xx **


	3. Chapter 3

**Awww we've reached the end again **

Myles stood for a few moments looking at one of his closest friends, a friendship he treasured and knew he could very well destroy with the conversation they were about to have but he also knew it was time and he was just about ready to deal with the consequences.

"I'll tell you what happened Luce, I think it's time you knew, but first answer this question, How much did you know about Jenna's life before she came to DC?"

Lucy remained deep in thoughts staring out of her window, she knew this was going to be difficult to hear especially coming from Myles, given their history, but she needed to know what happened and turning to face him she answered his question

"Not much only what she told me, that she was born in Italy, but moved to Colorado when she was five years old, left school at 16, went to collage but dropped out for a year to go travelling, before moving to DC."

"Do you know where she travelled to?"

"She told me Australia, Austria, Japan and then finally spent a few months in France and Spain"

Myles took a deep breath to prepare himself to tell Lucy the truth about where she had really spent a year "Lucy she did leave but she didn't go to those countries, she went to..." he paused again before he said the word "Pakistan"

"Pakistan, why would she go travelling to Pakistan?"

"She didn't travel Lucy; she was there with her husband"

"Her what? Jenna wasn't married when I knew her"

"She was but she was a widowed not long after coming to DC, she never spoke about her husband to you because if she did you would know of her lifestyle."

Walking over Myles took her hand and led her to the sofa, Lucy this is going to get a lot worse believe me. I really think you should be sitting down for this. Lucy let Myles lead her to the sofa and she sat ready to hear about Jenna's real life

"Lucy, Jenna was in collage that part is true, but the reason she dropped out of collage isn't, she didn't leave to go travelling, she left with a man"

"Who?"

"A man by the name of Mohammed Haran a member of a terrorist group known simply as E.P.T or Extreme Pakistani Terrorists. They were responsible for a number of road side bombings in Pakistan, a nightclub bombing in Turkey, a office bomb in Japan, there were several bombings six years ago that claimed responsibility for"

"What as this got to do with Jenna?"

"Jenna was a science and electronic master, there wasn't a lot she couldn't put together or build. Haran discovered this fact and they got together, he asked her to go to Pakistan seemingly to meet his parents for a few weeks, but they stayed for over a year"

"Why? Did he keep her captive?"

"No Luce, she stayed of her own accord, they got married and after three months he asked her to prepare an item. A bomb, which was used in the bombing of a nursery in the centre of Pakistan, Luce 15 children under the age of 4 were killed in the blast along with three adults"

Lucy looked at him trying to process everything he was saying, her friend prepared a bomb which killed children

"You ok Luce?" he asked

"Yeah sure just carryon"

"When Jenna found out her husband was responsible, she did nothing, according to his mother she told him it felt thrilling to know she had a part in it, she continued to voluntarily make bombs for Mohammed that were used in several terror attacks both in Pakistan and other countries around the world"

"How do you know all this?"

"Do you remember the car bomb opposite Dirks apartment block about five and a half years ago, a few weeks before Jenna was killed?"

Lucy nodded her head, a suicide bomber had wanted to crash into the building to blow it up but his car stalled and the bomb went off in the middle of a deserted car park opposite the store, it was only during the investigation that they discovered it was a failed attempt on Dirk's apartment block; she and Jenna had known each other about five months since then and had grown pretty close.

"Well Jenna's husband was killed in that blast, he was the suicide bomber. Jenna's prints were found all over the bomb fragments. It was lucky that you had taken time off to grieve for your grandfather Joseph, you stayed with Alice and went to the funeral, you never knew nothing about the investigation, I wanted to tell you, but how could I, she was one of your closet friends and then of course she disappeared for a few months"

"Yeah, she told me she was going home to her parents for a while. I take it that's not true"

"Yes and she didn't go to Pakistan either, to be honest I don't know where she went. All I knew was that a few months later she reappeared along with Derity Dannam. The suspect in the case she was shot"

"But he was a drug dealer, not a terrorist"

"Yes he was wanted for drug dealing, but our main reason for going after him was because he was now the leader of E.P.T., since Mohammed was dead. We never told you he was wanted for terrorism because of the physical relationship between him and Jenna. The morning of the raid, you were supposed to meet Jenna for coffee"

"Yeah but she never showed"

"I know Luce, I was the one who called her and cancelled. I told her that you had informed me you were running late and that you would meet her outside her house just before 10am. I knew the raid would be happening by then and that she would be waiting at home for you. She wasn't supposed to get shot Luce, she was supposed to just be arrested for terrorism"

"What happened during the raid and I want the truth this time?"

Myles took a deep breath and explained

"When we got to the house Derity Dannam was there along with Jenna, like we knew they would be but so was Sanjeev Jussis, Luce we had no idea he was even in DC"

Lucy gasped as his name was mentioned, not only was she involved with terrorism but she had dealings with the one of the most wanted men at that time

"Jussis fired as he tried to escape and nearly hit Shep, I saw it and pulled him out of the way, resulting in the bullet hitting Jenna instead, I swear Lucy I didn't know she was stood behind Shep, I thought Jack had her in custody that was the plan, I was to go after Dannam downstairs, Jack was to arrest Jenna who we thought was upstairs but she wasn't, then Jussis took the shot everything and changed. Jussis and Dannam were arrested but Jenna was killed. That's all Lucy that's the truth about Jenna"

Lucy stood and paced for a few moments as she tried to process the information she had been given in the last hour. Her friend had a completely different life that she knew nothing about. She felt a wave of emotions hurt, betrayal, anger, yes anger was the prominent one, she glared at Myles, she didn't mean to but she was angry at him for setting Jenna up.

"MYLES" she snapped "Are you telling me the truth?"

"Lucy I promise you, I know I've lied to you in the past, but this is the truth, I still have the notes"

"Then why did you set her up? Why couldn't you just arrest her?"

Myles breathed out and looked at her, her eyes were icy cold and he saw a look in her eyes showing what he feared was coming true, she hated him

Remaining calm and walking to her, he put his arm around her shoulders, which she shrugged off but he needed her to know the next part, breathing out slowly he continued

"Lucy, I set her up because I was scared she was going to hurt you, the morning you were meeting for coffee there was some chatter going around about E.P.T. planning an attack in DC. I thought Jenna was setting you up to be a victim. I couldn't let that happen Luce, I couldn't lose you. We needed her arrest to look routine in order to protect you from the truth. I wanted to protect you from the truth"

Her eyes softened as he said this, all the lies and betrayal were to protect her from learning her friend was a terrorist and to potentially save her life, but what did this all have to do with his shooting and why he seemed angry and scared

"Myles" she asked softly

"I know what you want Lucy, you want to know why the shooting bought all this back"

She nodded her head, a little stunned at the fact that he could read her thoughts, composing his thoughts for a second they walked back to sit on the couch

"Ahmed Al Azir the suspect in that case, took over E.P.T. and used the group as a basis to recruit Al-Qaeda followers. When we arrived, we discovered the house where the shooting took place was the same house Jenna was killed. We stormed in and her picture was hanging on the wall with the words 'murdered for the cause' written underneath. I saw the picture and froze it was like I was back there that day and all these feeling of guilt came rushing back. It was a good job I was wearing my vest because I never even noticed the gun being fired..." he trailed off, as he looked at Lucy tear filled eyes

"Myles, I'm sorry I yelled" she sobbed unable to hold it in anymore

He pulled her into him "It's ok Lucy. I know I would have yelled or maybe even stormed out if things were reversed"

The two sat there for a while, Lucy curled into Myles, as he held her as she cried. After a few moments Lucy looked up as an indication for him to continue

"The reason I have become so scared is because that house could still be being used by terrorists to recruit college students and I'm expecting to have to storm back into that house, see the picture and freeze again putting not only my life in danger but also the lives of other agents. I'm angry because it was my lack of judgement that enabled me to get shot. All my training failed at the sight of a picture. I get jumpy at work because I'm reliving the day over and over. I haven't slept or eaten a proper meal in few days because of the nightmares. I let my guard down Luce and it nearly cost me my life."

"Myles you can't let the past dictate your life. If you don't get over Jenna's shooting you're going to keep putting yourself in dangerous situations and it is going to make you deathly ill, especially if you don't eat. Myles I can already see the weight coming off you, you said you couldn't lose me back then well I can't lose you now. I need you around Myles, even though you are the most stubborn man on the planet; you still keep me on my toes."

"I am not stubborn"

"You are look at the way it took nearly eight hours to get you to talk about what happened and why you are feeling this way"

"That's not stubbornness that is a failure to communicate"

"Because you're stubborn, even now you're being stubborn by not admitting I'm right"

"I will never admit you're right except on this one occasion, I do need to get over Jenna's shooting, which is why I am going to the psychologist she is helping me to realise that it wasn't directly my fault, I saw a threat to a person I cared and still care about and used extreme methods to stop it."

Lucy took his hands again "Just remember that you don't only have a psychologist to talk too, my door, desk, ears are always open, inviting and willing to listen"

"Thanks Lucy and thank you for understanding why I did what I did"

"Myles, you were doing your job, just remember that"

"I will thank you Lucy and I'm sorry for lying to you for all these years"

"I understand why now Myles, you were just trying to protect me from the truth." she placed her hands on his face and made sure he was looking at her "I forgive you Myles"

Lucy sat hugging Myles relived she had finally got him to let his guard down and let her help him... Myles smiled as she said those four words, feeling a small weight being lifted from his shoulders, now he only needed to forgive himself for the weight to disappear completely, but with Lucy's help and kindness he knew that day was coming soon...

_**Please review xx**_


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