General Hospital 1. Homecoming

- Author's Note: - First of all, this story is my baby. I have written numerous other fanfictions under various pen names over the years. Some for GH, some not. Some were complete and some faded away. This story has been a work in progress for many years and has had multiple versions that were never posted. It is extremely important to me and to my best friend/beta reader. There may be gaps between updates due to work, life, and my tempremental muse. I apologize now. But if you can stick with me than I don't think you will be sorry.

Important Fact for this story: It is completely AU. Forget what you know about General Hospital. As of now, you know nothing. Everything will be explained on a need to know basis. I will answer any questions you may have, but for the sake of my story please don't assume anything based off of the actual show. Thank you.

**"It's alright. I'm okay. I think God can explain. I'm relieved. I'm relaxed. I'll get over it yet."**

**- I Think God Can Explain by Splender**

She had left a spacious loft in Europe for this. She probably needed her head examined. The apartment had two tiny bedrooms with closets that were barely worth mentioning. The living room opened up into what she supposed was the dining room, although the only thing that marked it as such was the scratched up oak table with two chairs that didn't match. A Formica countertop bar separated the kitchen from the rest of the rooms, but she could see from here that two people would never fit in it at the same time. An array of plastic and plush toys littered the floor in front of the second-hand couch, a stark reminder that her best friend was a mother now. It seemed startling that they had all come this far, partially without even realizing it. Nine years away from the town had changed her while the place itself remained the same. All her childhood haunts were still standing, still open for business. For the most part, the same people that were in her life then would be in her life now. Except for one person. Her heart ached at the thought of it. They had all been inseparable for the majority of their lives. She had blinked and now it seemed so far away.

Her father had been best friends with Luke Spencer. The two of them were constantly getting themselves in and out of dangerous situations, then telling the stories repeatedly over drinks later on. That was how she had met Lucky. They would wait in fear together whenever their dads disappeared and then kept each other company when everyone else seemed to keep going on in their own ways. During most of her childhood, especially after her parents' deaths, Lucky had been the only thing she could count on. Then Emily had come along. She had been scared and defiant after being adopted by the Quartermaine's. Her mother had bonded with Monica during their respective battles with cancer and had begged the cardiac surgeon to take her young daughter when her struggles failed. It wasn't long after Emily that Nikolas joined the fray.

He was Lucky's brother by blood and enemy by legacy. But somehow they overcame all the lies, betrayals, and danger that surrounded them. They came out even stronger than ever for their efforts. Nikolas had spent his life in Greece, being groomed to be the Cassadine heir. His uncle had only brought him to Port Charles when his mother had called, begging for Nikolas to save his baby sister's life. Finally, there was Elizabeth. She was the one Robin had grown closest to in the end. She had been the love of Lucky's life. Everyone counted on her. She held them all together, even when she was slowly shattering. She was the one who they all turned to when things fell to pieces. Like now.

"Robin?" The door opened softly. She hadn't even heard the key turn in the lock. She turned around, tears stinging her eyes, and finally saw her best friend for the first time in nearly a decade. It was the same warm eyes, the same curly chestnut hair. But this Elizabeth was stronger, smarter. This girl had been to hell and back, clawing her way into the light alone. And on her hip was a beautiful little boy with Liz's dark hair and Lucky's bright eyes.

"Is that Cam?" It was a rhetorical question. Why would Elizabeth have any other child but her own in her arms? Suddenly it felt completely right to be back in Port Charles. All the memories seemed to be pushed into the back of her mind as she stared into the little boy's beautiful face. How could she have ever doubted this? Yes, the place was minuscule. But this was her family, the only things that truly mattered were right here. Her arms were locked around Liz and Cameron before Robin had even noticed her feet moving. It took awhile for her to be able to pull away and wipe the tears from her pale cheeks. Her hands seemed to shake when they brushed across her face. Cam squirmed in his mother's arms, demanding silently to be put down so he could play. Robin's eyes followed him as he made his way over to the assortment of trucks and other toys. "Liz, he's absolutely stunning."

"I know." You could hear the pride in her voice. No matter what she had gone through, she would never regret having her son. Robin felt a small stab of envy in the pit of her stomach. She would never glow the way Elizabeth did. Her eyes would never light up the way only a mother's can. She had traded those dreams in for an entirely different kind. Yet she could regret her selfish decision, even now when only she was left to pay the price. Elizabeth grasped her hand, pulling her backing into the present. "Enough about me. I want to hear all about you."

"Lizzie, you know everything already." Robin couldn't help but laugh. They had spent hours on the phone in recent weeks. There was nothing that hadn't been shared between them. What could there possibly be left to disclose? "Tell me about Port Charles, outside of your gingerbread apartment, which by the way, is so much smaller than you said."

"It's really not that small." Elizabeth defended, sweeping her hands out in front of her and nearly knocking over a lamp. She made a funny little face that was classic Liz.

"It's like one of those little Playskool houses for toddlers."

"It is not. Stop offending our apartment. It's very sensitive and you're going to hurt its feelings." Elizabeth held up a hand when Robin opened her mouth, knowing that she was probably going to point out that the place was an inanimate object that felt nothing. They both knew that it wouldn't matter. Liz would argue until they were both blue in the face and exhausted. And even then she would insist that it was a very emotional set of rooms. It was better if Robin just saved her breath now. "I talked to Nikolas this morning. So, he knew that you were coming home today. I'm betting he'll be here first thing in the morning."

"And Emily?"

"I called, but she wasn't feeling well. I'm sure she'll call back soon." Elizabeth sank down onto the couch, her eyes now focused on Cameron. Robin knew something was going on the second she caught Liz biting her lip. It was a sure sign that something was bothering the petite brunette.

"Talk to me." Robin sat down next to her best friend, tilting her head to the side and smiling softly. It was just like old times. They had spent so many hours on one couch or another, spilling their guts over ice cream and gummy bears. With Pixie Stix for Emily, of course.

"It's just that Lucky couldn't wait for you to come home..." Elizabeth's voice trailed off as a tear slipped down her cheek. The words made Robin feel like she had been punched.

"I should have... Long before now." She murmured quietly, her hand reaching for Liz's. She had been selfish to stay in France, especially after Nikolas had called her with the news. But, over there, it hadn't been real to her. She hadn't had to face one of her worst fears. Especially so soon after losing... Robin shook her head, dispelling the thoughts from her mind. "I was wrong not to come back. I was needed here, I know that. But I was scared. I didn't want to admit that it was real."

"I still don't." Elizabeth admitted guiltily. She sighed as Cameron crawled into her lap, resting his head against her chest. He always seemed to know what she was upset. It broke her heart to know that her pain was hurting him too. What kind of mother let this keep happening every day? Yet, she had no idea how to stop it.

"Don't you think for one second that he doesn't know you love him." Robin practically growled the words. If there was thing she had ever been sure of, it was Lucky and Liz. They had been destined for each other since day one. No one had ever been able to compare. The thought of anyone ever questioning that was ridiculous. She felt tears prick her eyes again. "We all do."

"Yeah. And he loves us." A sad smile graced Elizabeth's delicate features. A flash of anger lit her eyes, but faded as quickly as it came along. "I wish he was around to see his son though."

"I never thought for one second that it would be like this." None of them had. It should be different, for all of them. Lucky should be with his family. Nikolas should be blissfully happy. Emily should be a well-adjusted, shining woman with all the dreams she deserved. And Robin... Well, she should never have led the life she did. It was as simple as that.

"No use wishing for things that we don't have." Elizabeth banished all the pain from herself, just like that. "Look at me. I'm a mess." She gestured to the light pink scrubs that she still wore even though her shift had ended a good two hours ago. "I should have changed at the hospital."

"I still can't believe you're a nurse." Robin mused playfully. It was quite a change from the star struck girl she had once known. It seemed like all of their dreams had crashed over the years. "What happened to my little New York artist?"

"She grew up."

"Somehow we missed the exit for Never Never Land." They had been wise beyond their years with youthful spirits that had promised to never fade. But, she had learned that all promises ended up getting broken... Even if you had the best intentions when you started out.

"The directions had always seemed so simple, didn't they? Second star on the right and straight on to morning..." Liz's voice trailed off like a distant memory. They had all had their own Peter Pan complexes. Robin was going to save the world, just like her parents. Elizabeth was going to be an artist in the city while Lucky paid their way with his music. Emily was going to be a model, with all the glam and sparkles to go with it. And Nikolas was going to do whatever he had to do to escape the Cassadine name. It seemed like everything had changed. Liz made another face. "I think we got lost somewhere around two o'clock."

"Probably. That would be just like us, wouldn't it?"

"We were always really, really bad with directions." Elizabeth pointed out helpfully. "Didn't you used to think that West was North and South was West?"

"I think I just held the compass wrong. I wasn't a girl scout, you know." Robin leaned back into the soft couch. Maybe this could be home after all. Elizabeth smiled down at her son, who had fallen asleep during the course of their conversation. "I think we bored him."

"Nah, he just has a very small attention span."

"He must get that from you." Robin ruminated cheerfully, even if most of the pleasure she felt at the statement was that it mildly annoyed Elizabeth as always. It was an old joke in their group.

"You're really not that funny, Robin Egg." Elizabeth couldn't hide her smirk when Robin cringed at the old, embarrassing nickname.

"Whatever, Dizzy."

"So, seriously, what do you think of the place?" Liz got to her feet, careful not to disturb the sleeping little boy in her arms. She laid him gently into the crib she kept in her bedroom and found Robin pacing the apartment when she returned. "What are you doing?"

"I think I can walk the entire apartment in twelve steps, Elizabeth. Twelve!" Robin threw her hands up as she demonstrated her discovery. "Look, I'm serious. I'll count. One-Two-Three-Four..."

**Disclaimer: I do not own "I Think God Can Explain". All rights belong to Splender.**

**I do not own General Hospital nor it's characters. It all belongs to ABC and their portrayers. **

**Basically, I own nothing by the plot.**

**Please do not steal my work.**

**I also do not own Peter Pan. I just refer to it a lot.**


	2. Candles

**"I have walked this Earth with broken bones. I have kept secrets underneath all these lights."**

**- Underneath This Smile by Hilary Duff**

Magnificent was the only thought that crossed her mind. Maybe she was incapable of anything with substance at this point, but the flickering candlelight seemed to dance in front of her eyes. It seemed to bounce off the walls and decorate the tiny apartment. It was amazing what something as simple as a bag of twenty-five cent candles could do to a shoebox. She might have to invest in a few more. She had scattered them across the living room and kitchen areas in the earlier hours of morning. She was used to not sleeping. It was much more productive to decorate or make coffee. She heard the soft pitter-patter of little feet on the hardwood floor but didn't turn around until she heard his soft voice. "Pretty."

"I know." She agreed, scooping Cameron up into her arms and snuggling into his warm little body. She had quickly become addicted to having him close to her. He seemed to be a kid of few words, which surprised Robin since both his parents were nearly impossible to shut up once they got going on any particular topic. Then again, what did she know? Maybe she just didn't peak his interest. On the other hand, she could just be a lousy conversationalist and the little boy felt that it would be a waste of time to try and engage her intellect.

"Those are a fire hazard." Elizabeth chimed in as she glided across the room towards the coffee maker. She swept her wild chestnut hair up into a ponytail as she went, looking better than anyone had any right to in her generic blue scrubs.

"They're beautiful. Right, Cameron?" Robin looked to her honorary nephew for support and he nodded emphatically, reaching out to touch one of the tiny orange flames. She moved away in a twirl, making him giggle. She decided then and there that it was a wondrous sound. "Tell your mom that we like them."

"We like pretty, Mommy." Cam announced obediently.

"Robin Scorpio, do not think that you can win every time we argue by using my son against me."

"First of all, that wasn't an argument. Nothing got broken. Second, Cameron is his own person with his own opinions. I just happen to have no qualms about helping him express them." Robin set the little boy on his feet and watched him wander off to do whatever it was that four year olds did at seven o'clock in the morning. "I think they should stay."

"Of course you do, Robin. But did you think of what would happen if Cameron burns himself or if one gets knocked over and the whole apartment gets torched?" Liz leaned against the counter, both hands wrapped around the chipped pink mug that she occasionally sipped her French vanilla coffee from.

"My candles aren't psychotic murderers." Robin busied herself by rearranging the candles on the little table to her left. She made them form a glowing star around a vase that Elizabeth had painted as a teenager.

"No, you can't say that. You don't know for sure if they are or not." Liz blew out the five or six candles that occupied the counter next to her. "What do we even know about them? They could work for Sonny Corinthos and you would be completely oblivious to it."

"They are _not_ mob employees! Stop being paranoid." Robin eyed the candles for a second, remembered Cam's blatant curiosity in the hot flames. "On second thought…" She danced around the apartment, extinguishing the candles as she went and then scooping them all into the trash can.

Elizabeth shook her head as she finished her coffee, setting the mug in the sink by the time Robin was finished. "See, I know what I'm talking about."

"No one likes a show-off, Lizzie." Robin grumbled as she sank down onto the couch. It took seconds for Liz to have Cameron bundled up in his jacket and little hiking boots. It took even less time for her to pull on her sweater, grab her purse, and swing the toddler onto her hip. "Well, aren't we little Miss Efficient?"

"No, we're late." Elizabeth corrected with a smile. The crimson and white striped knit of her sweater was oddly comforting to Robin. It was something Liz would have worn as a young teenager, back when they were all a force to be reckoned with. "It's going to be okay now, you know, that you're home. I really believe that."

There wasn't time to reply because Liz was out the door without taking another breath. It was probably a good thing though. Robin had no idea what to say to a statement like that. She had never shared Elizabeth's bone deep convictions in things like family support or home being where your heart is. Maybe if she had, she wouldn't have made such a mess of things in Paris. Wouldn't that have been nice?

_"Baby, I don't know who you think is up there looking out for you, but you're just as lost as the rest of us common lowlifes." His hand brushed across her cheek as she took step after step in reverse to get away from him. Her back crashed into the think plaster wall. She had nowhere to go. There was no way that she could ever hope to outrun him. He towered over her, bracing his hands on either side of her head. He was at least twice her size and probably four or five times stronger. He had a reputation on the streets that even she had heard about, which was surprising even to her._

He shouldn't be here. He had no right, damn it! Port Charles was her home, not his. He hadn't even known that the town existed prior to meeting her. Why should he get to follow her the entire way from Europe? She had banished him from her body, her mind too for that matter. It wasn't fair! She was still paying the price for her choices and his. He got out of this all so easily, leaving her with the mess.

_"You think you've got it all figured out, don't you? Well, I hate to break it to you, sugar. Life isn't fair." He backed off, giving her whatever amount of space she needed. It was then that she realized he didn't care if she left or if she stayed. She was nothing to him. The thought angered her. She wasn't even here for him. He had no right to terrify her and then expect to walk away unscathed. She glanced at the door, realizing that she had a chance to get away. Instead, she turned back to him with rage boiling in her veins._

That was her first mistake. She could have saved herself a lot of pain and torment if she had just walked out that stupid door. It was such a simple solution. How had she missed it? She'd had the perfect opportunity and had ignored it like the idiot she had become. Part of her blamed her Scorpio blood. It made her stubborn and reckless, only thinking about the consequences long after the fact. Except she seemed to pay a price much higher than her father ever had. Death was ridiculously easy. Living after you've committed the kinds of crimes that she had was what was difficult.

"Robin? Are you in there?" Nikolas Cassadine's voice drifted through the thick wooden door, breaking her from her self-imposed torment. She contemplated, for barely a heartbeat, ignoring him. In the end, she climbed to her feet and swung the door open. Everything about him was so familiar to her that it made her very bones ache to look at him. His hair was still the same shaggy, glistening black cut that she remembered. His dark eyes glowed with some undefinable emotion. His arms were strong and sure as they wrapped around her petite body, enveloping her in warmth and acceptance. She had forced herself to forget this feeling, this unbelievable emotion that overwhelmed her as a teenager. She had lived for it. "It's great to have you home."

"I can't believe you're here." Robin murmured into his shoulder. She clung tighter to him, scared to let go. She feared that if she opened her eyes and stepped away she would find herself back in Paris again and she wasn't ready to let this feeling go.

"I'm not going to disappear, dollface."

"No one's called me that in so many years." She felt the tears roll down her cheeks, but didn't care. It was the nickname that Luke had come up with when she barely came up to his knee. It seemed to spread from there throught her youth, but no one had known to call her that since she had left Port Charles during her senior year of high school. She somehow found herself sitting on the couch with Nikolas' arm thrown around her shoulders. "So tell me about Nik."

"There's not much to tell." He laughed uncomfortably, as if there was something he specifically didn't want her to know. She stifled the urge to interrogate him... It wasn't worth the fight it could cause. Nikolas definitely had his father's temper and she was enjoying her natural buzz too much to deal with it.

"No lucky lady?"

"The Cassadine empire isn't exactly conducive to a relationship. I learned that with Gia." Nikolas seemed to trip over his ex-fiancee's name, as if the wound still bled from time to time. Robin hadn't known the woman, but she had heard about how in love Nikolas was with the dark beauty. It still pained her to think about the heartbreak the couple had gone through, only to give it all up in the end. "I don't think I'm ready to do it again."

"You will, Nikolas." Robin promised him, laying her head against his shoulder. The sun began to light the room as it rised into the sky, reminding her of just how early it was. People in Port Charles wasted no time in visiting or going about whatever business they had. She had kind of missed the constant movement of the town, the familiarity of the people and their ways. No one would be showing up at anyone's doorstep this early in the morning in France. Yet, it seemed completely natural here. Nikolas sighed beside her. Was he thinking of Gia again? Or was he just picturing the empty mansion that awaited him on Spoon Island? She laid her hand over his, smiling up at him promisingly.

"You're breaking my heart." Nikolas pulled back from her, sighing again. This time his eyes held a pain she hadn't seen since their last goodbye in high school. The memory still shredded her to think about. "I've got to go away for a while. There's some problems with the company and I have to go back overseas, to Greece actually. And maybe it's time for me to go home."  
"This is your home!" Robin argued quietly. "_We're_ your home."

"I leave tomorrow." Nikolas pressed a kiss to her forhead as tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'll be back, Robin. I promise you that. If you call, I'll be here. I love you."

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Underneath This Smile". It belongs solely to Hilary Duff and her record company.**

**I do not own General Hospital, its characters, nor their portrayers. All rights belong to ABC.**


	3. Bruised Touch

**"You call me strong, you call me weak. But still your secrets I will keep."**

**- Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down**

"Come back to bed." Nikolas tugged on her delicate hand. It seemed so small when he held it in his own palm. He studied every crease in her skin, mesmerized by her paleness contrasting with his olive skin. She seemed so breakable to him. It was almost as if he could snap her at any given moment without even trying. She was pure sunshine that brightened up the dark, ugly world that he seemed to thrive in. She was his rebellion against his family's legacy. She represented everything that he should never want. It made her even more appealing to him. The thought of having her beneath him drove him to distraction at all the wrong times.

"We have all the time in the world for that." Her voice was barely above a whisper even though they were the only people currently on his little island. He had sent the staff away again like he did when he called her to him. She never came on her own. It was almost as if she were just another name on his payroll, except that she never left any trace of her existence after she left. No one ever knew that she had been there. All that would remain for him when their time ended would be a memory. He hated the thought even though they were always his rules, never hers. She didn't demand anything of him, wouldn't dare. She was known for her attitude and the fire in her eyes that no one could ever dampen. It was what had drawn him to her initially. He was the kind of guy who liked to play with fire, whether he got burned or not. Who cared if the whole world burned down around him?

She became a different person whenever she stepped into his world though. Her voice would never rise above a husky whisper that sent chills up and down his spine. Her touch was always featherlight against his roughened skin. She was nothing like he had ever imagined her to be. It made him want her more than ever. His conscience constantly screamed at him to stop the madness, but he seemed powerless to keep himself from dialing her number whenever the dull ache started creeping through his body. It would only take mere minutes for it to become a crippling pain. She always took too long, giving his temper time to flare up. There was rarely anything said between them until at least an hour or two after her arrival. She had never complained so he had seen no reason to change the way things were between them. Why fix what wasn't broken?

Nikolas pulled her back down onto the bed, rolling until he had her completely trapped. They both knew that she wouldn't be able to escape him, even if she really wanted to. He was more than twice her size and at least four times stronger. There was no one to hear her screams. She was at his mercy. "Did I say that you could leave?"

"My family's going to start looking for me if I don't get back to the mainland soon. I'm not usually gone this long, you know." Her lips brushed across the sensitive patch of skin beneath his left ear as her hand flattened against his chest, right above his unsteady heart. "You know how those people talk."

"So let them." The words were snarled at her through his teeth as his fingers danced down her jean clad thigh. He wasn't going to relinquish this moment for any reason. It was his to savor and no one was going to take that from him, and that included her. They had been outrageously careful for so long. It was past time that he stop caring about the consequences. He was a Cassadine. There wasn't anything that they could do to him at this point. His family name was an inescapable prison sentence that he would never be able to embrace, only endure.

"You think that you won't mind the rumors that will start swirling, Nikolas, but you will once the lust stops clouding your brain." Her free hand, the one that wasn't still pressed against his heart, caressed his cheek in such a gentle way that he couldn't stop himself from kissing her. She only thought of him during their time together. It was almost, in a way, heartbreaking to see. "I don't want you to do anything that could lead you to have regrets."

"Baby, I could never think twice about this." His lips moved down her jawline to her throat. Her touch stopped his descent and made him look back up into her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You're hiding something. Usually I don't mind, but this time..." She turned her face away from his, staring a hole into the bare wall across the room. He could barely feel her breathe beneath him and he could feel concern start to spike through his blood. He opened his mouth to murmur her name when she finally met his gaze again. "What's going on, Nik?"

"It's just business. I promise." His vow was a hollow one and he could see in her eyes that she knew it too. He had never lied to her. There hadn't been any reason. She had accepted the fact that he couldn't give her much more than brief moments of pleasure and unfulfilled dreams. They had both entered the situation headfirst and without thinking, but with their eyes wide open. He had known that she would become an addiction and she had known that he was the wrong kind of _everything_.

"Tell me."

"I leave for Greece in two hours." It had hurt less to tell Robin, his oldest friend in the world, that he was leaving the country. It didn't make sense to him and he knew she wouldn't be able to understand his motivation, or his hesitation. She began moving immediately. His fingers locked around her tiny wrists, holding her as still as he dared. She didn't cry, didn't try to argue with him. Those two small facts worried him more than anything else possibly could. She fought violently against his hold for a few more minutes before giving up suddenly and going still beneath him.

"Let me up, Nikolas." Her voice sounded the same to him, but he knew it couldn't be possible. Something _had_ to have changed. He could feel it in his bones.

"No. We need to talk about this." He switched his grip so that both her wrists were being held in only one of his hands. He used the other to brush the hair out of her face. "Are you going to keep fighting me if I let you go?"

"Probably, but you're going to do it anyway." She was right and they both knew it. He couldn't keep holding her so tightly without leaving a mark and he wouldn't be able to stomach the sight of bruises on her skin if he knew he was the cause. He rolled off of her and watched as she slipped into her jacket. He was surprised that she could find it so easily. It always seemed to take him forever to find all the clothes she ripped off his body.

"Are you ever going to look at me again?" Her eyes flew up to his at the words. He knew that she was probably just being defiant, but was grateful for it nonetheless. "Good. Now are you ever going to forgive me?"

"What is there to forgive? You wanted me, you got me, and now you're bored. I'm not so shiny anymore, Nikolas, and you need something new to amuse you." She stepped away when he tried to reach for her. She didn't seem angry, but he knew her better than to believe that for a second. She had a temper that was more well-known than his own and things tended to end up shattered when she became upset.

"Please, baby, don't leave mad."

"I won't." She was already at the door by the time he made it off the bed. He caught a brief glimpse of pain in her eyes that hit him harder than any punch he had ever taken. There wasn't much he could do to stop her from leaving, short of becoming something he could never be. She slipped through the door, letting it click shut softly behind her.

--__--__--

It was hard for Emily to remember a time in her life where there wasn't some form of pain weighing her down. Everyone went on and on about what a wonderful girl she was. She was honest. She was virtuous. What they didn't know was that she was a fraud. She was nothing like the image she presented to the world. No one ever noticed so she just continued with the facade. She didn't want to be the one to ruin their beautiful illusions. She understood the desire to believe the lie over the reality. Sometimes she wished that it would be easier for her to do the same, but never seemed to be able to pull it off.

She clicked through her voicemail for what had to be the millionth time, listening to the same message that she always did. Sometimes it felt like she would burst with love to just hear his voice, but mainly it just hurt like hell. Each time it was like ripping open a fresh wound and letting it bleed all over the floor. How long had it been now since she had just laid in bed with him and listened to his heartbeat? The time seemed to blur together in her mind, turning into one long period of agony. She could barely breathe when she heard him murmur 'I love you' into her ear. Her eyes burned with unshed tears as his voice faded away. She pressed the button to save the message again, too afraid to let it go. Would there ever be a day where she could survive without listening to it? It didn't seem likely. It was all she had left at her to disposable to keep him alive in her memory. She wasn't ready to give that up yet.

Her hands began to shake as she laid the phone down onto the couch beside her. Her fingers itched to replay the message, but she knew that she shouldn't. It would only hurt more to hear him again and she wasn't sure she could handle much more. She was already on the verge of shattering into a million tiny pieces and she wasn't sure that she would be able to pick up the pieces without slicing herself on their sharp edges. He had been the only one who had even been able to pick her up off the ground when she hit rock bottom. She was terrified to crash without him around anymore. She wasn't sure that she would be able to come back from the darkness this time.

Emily was no stranger to loss. It had been a constant part of her life since the age of nine or ten when her mother died of cancer. After that it had only been a matter of time before everyone else started to leave her too. She had quickly learned to try and keep herself at a distance, to make it hurt less when the inevitable happened. Then he had come crashing into her life, flipping it upside-down in the process. He had adamantly refused to let her dwell on the heartache that surrounded her. Instead he insisted on her enjoying life and everything that went along with it.

She honestly understood that he had never intended to leave her. It wasn't his fault. Everything had been out of his control. He would be with her, holding her so tightly in his arms, if there had been any way to manage it. There hadn't been though. They had exhausted all their options and, in the process, lost sight of what they had been fighting for. Now he was left in a meaningless existence and she stumbled through each day like a blind woman in the dark. It seemed like she would never see the light of day again. She wasn't even sure that she wanted to if she couldn't see his face.

"Emmy?" Robin's voice was barely loud enough to reach her ears. How had they found her so soon? She constantly moved from one rented room to another, never staying more than a day or two. She always paid cash and never gave her name. Usually she was recognized despite her best efforts to stay hidden. "Emily Bowen-Quartermaine, I know you're in there. I'm going to count to five and then, if you don't open this door on your own, I will break it down."

She knew that the threat was a real one. Robin might look tiny, but she was stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for. Nothing would hold her back if she thought that one of her friends was in trouble. Emily's hands started to shake again as she turned the doorknob and let it swing open an inch. She hadn't even noticed that they had stopped until now. "Welcome home, Scorpio."

"You look like hell, baby girl." Robin pulled Emily into her arms, holding her so tight that she figured there might be bruises later. She studied the younger girl for a minute. Em's auburn hair hung listlessly around her frail shoulders. Her skin was a pasty shade that was sickeningly unnatural. Her eyes held no emotion, no true sign of life. It sent chills down Robin's spine to see her friend in such bad shape. How had no one noticed how sick she was? Didn't they care anymore? "Sweetie, are you feeling okay?"

"Just the flu, Robin. Don't worry so much." The lie slipped past her lips before she even thought of it. She could see the doubt in her friend's eyes, but nothing more was said on the subject.

"So, you're living at Kelly's now?"

"Cheap rent." Emily turned her back to Robin and crossed to the only window in her room. The view was just of the courtyard outside the diner. How many moments of her life had been down there in the shadows? Was there a way to erase the memories from her mind, from this town? Was she doomed to forever see him wherever she glanced?

"Emily, talk to me." Robin was begging. Anyone would have been able to hear it in her voice, see it in her eyes. The silence dragged on for a long minute before Emily turned without a word and flew into Robin's arms.

"I missed you so much." The tears cascaded down her cheeks, scorching her skin as they left a wet, warm trail. Her arms locked around Robin's neck as everything seemed to crash down on her. Maybe it would be okay now that Robin was home. She could count on her oldest friend to stand by her, couldn't she? There had to be a way to make it disappear, to make the pain vanish like a bad dream. She wasn't sure how, but she knew that she had to make it all stop. She had no other choice than to let it all end, once and for all.

--__--__--

It was like the whole world was splintering into pieces around her. Her heart seemed to falter over each beat, almost as if it was thinking about just giving up. She pressed a hand to her chest as tears stung her eyes. The hospital waiting room seemed to blur in front of her. How could this be happening to her? She just wanted to get through this horrible day. Maybe she could just crawl into bed and wake up in a century or so. It seemed like the best idea she had, had in a long time. Nothing could _hurt_ if you just slept through life.

"Maxie? Are you okay?" It took her a second to realize that it was Elizabeth calling her name. She rubbed the moisture on her eyes so that she could focus her gaze on the petite brunette that had become her only family. She felt a hand on her back and found herself being led to the ugly hospital couch that sat in the far corner by the nurse's station. "Were you here to see Monica?" Maxie could only nodd. "Is it bad news?"

"What?" Maxie blinked up at Liz, suddenly confused with the turn in the conversation. What bad news? How could Elizabeth possibly know? That would mean that _everyone_ knew. And that just wasn't an option that she could even consider. Then she realized that they were somehow discussing her doctor's appointment. "No, it wasn't bad news. My heart is fine."

It had been exactly twelve years, six months, and twenty-three days since she had gotten her heart transplant performed in this very hospital. She lived with the that terrible ordeal in her mind each and every day. Her illness had torn her family to shreds and they had never quite recovered from the shock of it all. Her mother had finally confessed, when Maxie had fallen too ill for any other kind of treatment, that Frisco Jones wasn't actually the father of her eldest daughter. She had carried on an affair with Luke Spencer years ago and had never wanted to think of the repercussions. There had been no reason to share her child with anyone except Frisco and Mac, the two men who constantly warred over her heart. Felicia had just kept her mouth shut until she had been backed into a corner.

The realization that her life had all been a lie hadn't really hit Maxie until a few weeks after the surgery, when her mind had started to clear and her strength returned. She still remembered the exact moment that everything had slapped her in the face. Lucky, Elizabeth and her cousin Robin had come to visit her in the hospital. Lucky had clutched her hand so tightly, swearing to be a better brother to her than he had been to their younger sister Lulu.

The promise set warning bells off in her head. No one had spoken a word about the little blonde girl that had only been a year younger than Maxie herself. There had been no "family" visits where the two could bond over being long-lost sisters. It had taken fourty-five straight minutes to convince Lucky to tell her the truth. It was Lulu's heart that now beat within Maxie's chest. Her sister had died to save her life. It wasn't something she would ever take for granted.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"I'm sorry. Sometimes when I'm here... I don't know. It just plays in my head like a movie, you know?" Maxie could tell you exactly how many tiles there were in the ceiling above her head. She could name the different artwork in most of the rooms. It seemed like she had spent more of her life within these stifling walls than anywhere else. Every meaningful moment of her life had happened inside of the hospital, good and bad.

"You don't have to apologize." Elizabeth assured her, laying a hand on her shoulder and sighing softly. "Sometimes I can't escape it either."

"Have you heard from Luke lately?" Maxie rarely saw the man who was responsible for half of her genetics. She would never call him her father. He was her brother's dad and her mother's dirty little secret. He meant nothing to her and probably never would. She had been raised by a loving man that had continued to treat her as his own, even after her mother's painful confession. He kept her safe when Felicia wanted to galavant around the world with Frisco and always welcomed them home with open arms. She had Mac. She didn't need anyone else to be her dad.

"No. He doesn't call often and only asks about Cameron when he does." It was difficult for Liz to bite her tongue on the subject of Luke Spencer. She had never agreed with his parenting skills and part of her still blamed him for Lulu's death, even though it had saved Maxie in the end. It didn't seem fair that one sister had to die to keep the other one alive. Especially when they had all been in the dark for so long.

"Please don't tell him that I asked about him." Maxie wasn't sure why she had. She didn't need or want him in her life. Yet she couldn't just cut him out of her mind so completely. He had saved her life and given her Lucky. She owed him for that, if for nothing else. The least she could do was let him live his life as he chose and just casually care if he lived or died. There was no one else looking out for him anymore. His wife had left him and gone as far away as possible after burying two of her children. It had been more than even Laura Spencer could handle. She kept in touch with Elizabeth as randomly as Luke did. Sometimes it seemed like their grandson was nothing more than an afterthought.

"I wouldn't dream of it." Elizabeth reached for her Maxie's hand. She had promised Lucky that she would look out for his baby sister and sometimes she was terrified that she would fail him. She did her best to raise their son and to hold their makeshift family together on her own. It wasn't easy. She spent half the time wishing that she could just give it all up, but she knew that she never would. He had never asked much of her. Keeping her promises to him was the least she could do in return for the love he had blessed her with. "I love you, kiddo."

"I know, Lizzie." Maxie laid her head against her big sister's shoulder. Somehow Elizabeth made it all seem so much better than it had just moments before. "I love you too."

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Kryptonite". It belongs to 3 Doors Down and their record company.**

**I do not own General Hospital, its characters, nor their portrayers. All rights are reserved to ABC.**


	4. Graveyards and Memories

**"What we have learned here is love tastes bitter when its gone."**

**- Shame by Matchbox 20**

It seemed unbelievably cruel to Elizabeth that she had spent her entire life in love with only one man and now found herself alone raising their only son. She still couldn't figure out where she had gone wrong. What stomach-churning crime had she committed that she had to give up her husband as penance? He had been a good man, honest and loyal beyond comprehension. There was nothing that anyone could ever do to make him turn his back on them. He loved his family with every fiber in his being and the only way to ever really hurt him was to harm someone that he cared about. But no one ever wanted to cause Lucky any pain. Everyone who knew him seemed to fall as in love with him as she had. She could still remember every detail of the day she met him, as if she had just lived through it moments ago. Had it really only been twelve years ago? It seemed ridiculous to admit that she had only spent a decade with the man she loved before he was ripped out of her very own arms. She could still see his blood dripping onto her skin, staining her for all eternity. She felt the sticky, warmth of it sliding across her wrists. Would she ever be able to wash it away?

_"You're going to stunt your growth." His voice was like a melody in her mind. She took a drag off her cigarette, not really giving a damn about the boy that lurked in the shadows. Why should she care that the mere sound of his voice sent chills down her spine like an electrical current? She wanted nothing to do with this pitiful town or its occupants. She had no intention of sinking into its quicksand like everyone else so joyfully seemed to. She had every intention of returning to the city the first chance she got, even if it meant dealing with her mother's picture-perfect world every day. Her stranger stepped into the hazy fluorescent light and she finally got a glimpse of his sandy brown hair and expressive eyes. She had to take another hit off her cigarette just to calm herself._

_"Well, I can wear heels." Elizabeth quipped playfully, holding up her left ankle to show off her shiny black stilettos. "What's your excuse?"_

_"I don't think I would be able to pull them off quite the way you do." He grinned in a way that made her teenage heart skip a beat. _

_Her tongue seemed to tie into knots as her mind drew a blank on what to say next. She had never had this problem before. It was disconcerting for her not to be the cool and collected one in any given situation. Her heart sank into her stomach when a petite girl danced up to his side, looping her arm through is. She smiled brightly up at her friend before turning to Elizabeth._

_"I'm Robin. This tongue-tied idiot is Lucky. And that's Em and Nik." Robin pointed to a tan boy with jet-black hair and a younger girl that was bursting with life. The names rolled through Liz's mind as she tried to connect them to the new faces._

_"Lucky? What kind of name is that?" She should've kept her mouth shut. It just seemed to slip past her blood-red lips. The smoke from her cigarette swirled between them as the newcomers joined their small crowd outside the tiny diner._

_"Lucas Lorenzo Spencer Jr., at your service madam." The boy was smirking at her, obviously amused with the fact that he could so easily fluster her. It annoyed her beyond belief to realize that she was blushing. She could feel her cheeks warm and knew that they had to be the brightest shade of crimson. "So, what's your name?"_

_"Elizabeth."_

_"She doesn't say much, does she?" The auburn-haired girl was staring at her quizzically. Liz realized that the younger girl must be Em. That meant that the tall, dark, and handsome one was Nik. Robin smacked the younger girl's shoulder playfully, shooting her a look of pure warning. "What did you hit me for? And don't give me that look. I was just commenting."_

_"Emily, stop being rude." Nik spoke for the first time, tugging on Emily's shirt and leading her towards the diner doors. He got her about halfway there before she spun around and glided back to them with the grace of a ballerina. Nikolas sighed as he turned back to speak to Liz. "I profoundly apologize in advance for whatever she's about to say." _

_Em glanced at him over her shoulder, sticking her tongue out at him with a grin that spelled trouble. "I was just going to ask you, Elizabeth, if you would like to join us for a sugar high." Emily held out her hand in such an inviting way that Liz dropped her cigarette to the ground and crushed it with the heel of her shoe. What else did she have to do? Plus, these people were amusing and she could use a good laugh. It didn't mean that she had to stay. It was one dinner. She could still leave whenever she wanted to._

_"There is one small rule though." Robin warned as she stepped away from Lucky and swung her arm around Liz's shoulder. Lucky muffled his laughter with a cough as he came up beside her. "Once you're in our group, you don't get out. It's a life sentence."_

Robin had been right back then. Their friendship had been a life sentence and she had never once tried to escape it. They had become her family, filling the void inside of her that she had so desperately tried to ignore her entire life. They were responsible for every moment of her happiness over the years. She knew that if she had never met them that night, had never gone into the diner with them, that she wouldn't have her son. She wouldn't trade Cameron for the world, even if it meant that she never would have had to endure the pain that she had experienced. She would die a thousand deaths if it meant that she got to keep her baby safe at night. He was every single one of her and Lucky's dreams come true. They couldn't have asked for anything better than the little angel they had been blessed with. She only wished that Lucky could have met their son, even once. It would've been love at first sight.

Elizabeth brushed her son's curly hair back out of his eyes. He was always so quiet and part of her wondered if it was a sign that she was a bad mother. Weren't four year old little boys supposed to be running around and causing chaos? Her son played on his own, careful to never disturb anyone else unless he absolutely had to. She could feel the fear rushing through her veins. It wasn't supposed to be this scary. But, then again, she wasn't meant to be doing this alone. She was supposed to be a happily married woman with a loving, doting husband and a fabulous, happy little boy. Instead she was a single mother who had buried her husband after two years of marriage. Maybe it was true that the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

"Momma?" Cam's soft voice shocked her out of her reverie. He looked up at her with such innocence that she could almost physically feel her heart breaking inside of her chest.

"Yeah, baby?" Elizabeth knelt next to his bed, taking one of his tiny hands in hers and brushing a kiss along his knuckles. He had kicked his blankets off in his sleep, just like his father had always done. She pulled the blankets back up around his body as tears filled her eyes.

"Can we say night-night to Daddy?" It was something they did almost every night. It helped Cameron to talk to his father, to think that he was close, whenever he got scared at night. She hated to remind herself just how often that was. She nodded, biting her lip to hold the tears back as Cam stared at her for a long, silent moment. "I love you, Daddy."

"He loves you too, honey. He always has." Elizabeth assured her son quietly. She could barely get the words out as her son's gaze shifted to a photograph of Lucky. She was pregnant in the picture and Lucky had his hands on her stomach. She remembered that he was talking to the baby and feeling Cam kick in response. She couldn't remember what he had said, but she knew that they had been happy. It seemed only right that their son keep that picture with him. It was the closest thing they had to a family portrait.

She didn't move until long after Cameron had fallen asleep again. She kept his hand clutched in hers, afraid to let go of him. It almost seemed wrong for her to hold onto him so tightly, yet, she knew that she couldn't let go. He was all she had left of the man she loved. He was her baby... the last of her happiness... so, she couldn't find it in herself to care about right or wrong. Her husband's name fell from her lips as the tears finally began to slip down her pale face. Sometimes she felt like he was right there beside her, but for the most part she just felt empty.

She saw him all the time in their son's features and habits. She was constantly surrounded by reminders and memories of their time together, but for some reason it felt like she had been cheated out of what she deserved. She knew that Lucky was gone, but the pain she felt wasn't grief. It was something deeper... more jagged. There was no recovering from what had happened to her family. They had been so close to having it all and then it had been gone so quickly. Elizabeth could only wish that she could find a way to get it all back again.

--__--__--

Emily flipped through the photo album that Robin had left sitting on the small table in her room. The people in the pictures looked so happy. They almost seemed like they were strangers. When was the last time that she'd seen Elizabeth without tears lurking in her eyes since Lucky had died? Nikolas walked around with so much anger boiling inside of him that he constantly shook under the pressure. Robin was clearly hiding the real reason that she had come home and Em didn't feel like pushing the topic. If she did, she might have to give some answers for her own actions and that was the last thing she wanted to do. She couldn't understand her own thoughts, let alone explain them to anyone else. Lately, it was impossible to get her mind to stop racing long enough to form a coherent thought. Her heart raced inside of her chest as her fingertips danced across the faces of her best friends. It was the last picture taken of all five of them together, right before Robin's plane left for Paris. Lucky had his arms around Elizabeth, his lips brushing across her cheek. Nikolas had an arm around Robin and one around Emily. The two girls were locked in a tight, sisterly embrace with Elizabeth's hands in theirs. They looked like one big, happy family. It was probably the last time that they had all smiled before Robin had left and things had started to shatter.

_"Emmy? Emmy-bear, come on! Put the camera down." Robin reached out to snatch the camera out of her grasp, but Elizabeth tugged the older girl backwards. "Not fair. I'm being double-teamed."_

_"You're the one who thought that you could pry that thing out of Em's hands." Nikolas chided playfully. "It was a stupid idea."_

_"Impossible is more like it." Lucky chimed in, pulling his girlfriend away from Robin with a sly smile that was really just meant for the two of them. The flash from the camera continued to go off at a rapid pace. Every second was being recorded in time, as well as their memories._

_"You're all acting like this is it, like you're never going to see me again." Robin accused softly. The sadness lurking in Elizabeth and Emily's eyes confirmed her fear. "Oh, you guys, don't. I'll be home. I promise. I love you."_

_"We love you, too." _

Emily had thousands of pictures from the years after Robin had gone to boarding school. She had evidence that Nikolas was once happy and in love with a stunning woman named Gia. She had gone overboard with her camera during Liz and Lucky's wedding and the pregnancy that had soon followed. Then Lucky had died and the pictures had stopped.

She only had a few left of her and Zander that hadn't been shredded in a fit of grief and rage. Sometimes it was almost as if she had imagined the entire relationship. There was no physical evidence that he had ever been in her life. Maybe she had just imagined it all. Would she wake up and find out that this had all been a horrid nightmare?

She knew the that she couldn't be so lucky. There was no cure to the emptiness that engulfed her. One of her oldest friends was dead and the love of her life had been taken from her just as unfairly. There was no escape from the torment that she faced daily. There was no way to change the path she had chosen. She only had herself to blame. She was a Quartermaine. When had love ever brought anything good into a person's life? She really should have known better. But then there was her Grandmother, Lila. The older woman had loved once in her life and that love had been all-consuming. Emily had always wished for a love such as that and she had thought that Zander was going to be it. He was supposed to be her happily ever after. Instead he was becoming her Hollywood horror.

_"It can't always be this good." Emily pointed out softly as she gazed out the apartment window. The sun was setting over the water, casting off the most beautiful colors. She could hear Zander moving around behind her, but didn't bother to look._

_"Why not?"_

_"Because good things don't last. There's a price that you have to pay for each second that you get to be happy." Emily touched her fingertips to the cool glass. "And I'm afraid to find out how bad it's going to get for it being this great."_

_"You're not making any sense." Zander brushed the hair away from her face, resting his head on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her from behind._

_"You'll see." Emily assured him quietly. "Someday we both will."_

--__--__--

"Once upon a time..." Robin muttered the words beneath her breath as she paced along the docks. The sun had long since faded into the murky water. She could barely see the outline of Spoon Island in the distance. The familiarity of the town seemed to lull her into a false sense of security. Sometimes it seemed like Europe, and all of her mistakes there, had never happened. Maybe if she closed her eyes, clicked her heels together three times, and muttered some clever little rhyme it would all disappear.

_"You're not really the lucky sort, are you?"_  
She gritted her teeth against the velvety voice that echoed through her mind. It was almost as if he stood right behind her. She could almost feel his hands running along her shoulders, down her arms, and around her waist. It all seemed so real. She could just let herself slip into the memories that were taking her over. It would be extremely simple. What was really keeping her here?

_"You're never going to be able to let them go, are you? Those four little kids that you grew up with are always going to be in the damn room with us."_

He was probably more right than she had ever been willing to admit. Lucky, Elizabeth, Emily, and Nikolas were as much a part of her as her own beating heart. She had tried to forget that, to push them aside, and she had failed miserably. All she had really managed to do was break a few promises that she should have tried harder to keep. Her fingers toyed with the end of her shirt-sleeve, fraying the grey fabric. The Fall air bit at her cheeks, reminding her of how cold upstate New York could get in the Winter. She knew everything about this town and yet it all seemed so new to her.

_"You're obsessed with feeling things, Robin. Can't you just let go and let it happen?"_

That had always been her problem, hadn't it? She couldn't let go even if her life depended on it. She hadn't been able to let go of Port Charles and then she hadn't been willing to part with him when things had gone bad. She had frustrated him so often. It was a miracle that their relationship had managed to survive throughout the years. She had loved him though, and she knew that he had never loved anyone but her. Was it wrong for her to even dream about loving again? Of course it was. She had pledged herself to him in all ways. His death didn't change that.

_"You're a beautiful woman, Robin Scorpio. Any guy would be lucky to call you his wife. So why me? I'm a nobody. And you, sweetheart, are definitely someone."_

She was two separate women, Robin realized. She was the teenager who had ruled these very streets that she now wandered through, but she was also the reckless child that had fallen in love and made so many mistakes. There was no way to reconcile the two into one person. They couldn't live the same life. They were too different. Were there any similarities? And if they were her pasts, who was she now? Was she still the girl her friends had once known? Was she the disaster from the last decade? Who did she even want to be? The questions swirled through her mind like a vicious tornado. It almost made her dizzy to even comprehend coming up with some answers.

_"You're so loyal, my little tiger. No wonder you were so loved in New York."_

Somehow his voice almost always sounded cruel in her thoughts. He had been so gentle with her. It didn't make sense for her to remember the sadistic side of him that she so rarely saw. She shouldn't be remembering him at all, she reminded herself bitterly. He was a piece of the girl she had left behind in Europe, although she knew with absolute certainty that he would always be in her blood. She had known that from the first time she set eyes on him. He had been everything her family had always warned her against and she had been unable to resist the temptation. It was true what they said about forbidden fruit. It was always the sweetest.

--__--__--

Maxie liked the night and the darkness it brought with it. It was easier to hide in the shadows and pretend that she hadn't just survived another day. Every heartbeat brought with it a wave of guilt. Why should she take another breath when her only biological siblings were dead? She hadn't been able to be there when they had buried Lulu, but she had sat on the cold ground with Elizabeth at Lucky's funeral when everything seemed to be too much to bear. She could still see the names carved into the marble stone, despite the late hour. Lucas Lorenzo Spencer Jr., Beloved Son, Husband, Brother, and Father. Below those common words was one other. _Hero._

How many people had Lucky saved in his short lifetime? Maxie, of course, but also Emily and Elizabeth. He had saved them all in so many different ways. He was responsible for Cameron's existence. The world would be a much more miserable place without that little boy's bright smile. How could a man who had done such good be dead? They had blinked and he was gone. It had been as simple as that. One second she was holding his hand and talking to Elizabeth. The next, he had been dead. There had been nothing for the doctors to do. They spent over an hour working on his lifeless corpse, mainly because Liz had hysterically demanded it. No one had been able to rationalize with her that night. She had wanted her husband back and there was no shame in that. They all wanted him back, even now when so many years had passed. Maxie still wished he would call out her name, pull her into his arms, and tell her that things would look better in the morning. She knew that it wouldn't happen. She would never again get to cry on his shoulder. He wouldn't be saving her this time.

_"You're the bravest kid in town, Maxie Jones." Lucky gripped her hand in his, careful not to disturb the hundreds of wires and tubes that she was connected to. The monitors beeped softly around them and the machines hummed in the silence. They both knew that surviving didn't equal bravery. Lulu had been the brave one in Maxie's eyes. She had died and her sister had lived as a result of it. "It must be the Spencer blood in you." The same blood that flowed through his veins and those of their father. It still didn't seem right that Luke was her biological father. It felt like Mac had been cheated yet again. How many different ways did Felicia need to remind him that Maxie wasn't his daughter? "Stop analyzing everything. You're going to become old before you turn sixteen."_

_"At least I might get to see sixteen." Maxie pointed out softly. Had it really been just two weeks ago that no one had thought that she would live through each night? Now she had a life to plan, a future to think about. Life seemed to be scarier than death. "Am I being ungrateful?"_

_"No, honey, you're being human." Lucky brushed a kiss across her forehead, still holding her delicate little hand in his. His strength and warmth flowed through her, reminding her that she had a reason to live. There were people who cared, who wanted to see her make it through each day._

_"We love you, kiddo." Elizabeth gently touched her shoulder, too scared of jostling the wires to do much else. "Someone once told me that joining this little group was a life sentence. We can only be grateful that you get the same chance to enjoy it that we did."_

Did she have the strength to save herself? It didn't seem likely. She was slowly drowning in all the secrets that she held and the lies she had told. How many times had Elizabeth begged Maxie to confide in her? How many nights had the words burned on her tongue while everything inside of her ached to confess it all? It was useless to even think about it. She would never unburden herself. She deserved to be tormented with the memories and every ounce of pain that they brought with them. She brushed her fingertips across her brother's name. "Tell me what to do, Lucky. Help me find a way."

People probably thought that she was crazy. She was sitting in a graveyard in the middle of the night talking to a tombstone. Lucky's body might be six feet below her, and though being here would never bring her closer to her brother, she did it anyway. It was the only thing she could think to do when things started to suffocate her. He was her safe haven, her home base.

"I saw Liz earlier. Maybe it was yesterday. I don't know. The days seem to blur together now. There's nothing to distinguish one hour from the next or the previous. She worries, Lucky. Cameron's doing so great and Robin's home now, but you know how Lizzie is. She wants everything to be perfect and everyone to be blissful. I try to be that for her. She deserves it. I just can't do it all the time. Not when I'm so alone and my head never seems to shut up."

_"I think that someday we might be able to grin and bear it. I just don't know when that time will be." Emily lifted one of the paintings off her wall and gently set it on the floor at her feet. The walls of her apartment were slowly becoming empty and generically white. "How are you holding up?"_

_"My brother's dead and my sister in-law is a certifiable wreck." Maxie perched herself on the arm of the beige couch. The apartment looked like a ghost of what it had once been. There was no life in it anymore. All the pictures had vanished from the tables and the mantle. The paintings were slowly being piled up around the room. Everything seemed to slowly and surely fade away._

The night air bit at her face and she flinched against it. She was surprised that she even noticed the wind blowing against her. It was so hard to ever feel warm anymore. "What right do I have to be upset, Lucky? There are so many other people suffering. I should be focusing on what's left of our family and doing whatever I can to help. Instead I'm hiding out and avoiding everyone so that I don't have to fake another smile." She looked at the white roses that had been so delicately placed on the ground, noticing dully that they were starting to wilt. She knew that they were from Elizabeth. The flowers were always white, never red. It had been that way when Lucky had been alive too. A secret tradition of theirs that other people weren't privy to understanding. "How am I supposed to make myself be okay? I wish you were here. Everything would be better if we had you to hold onto."

**Disclaimer: I do not own "Shame". It belongs to Matchbox 20.**

**I do not own General Hospital, its characters, not their portrayers. All rights are reserved to ABC.**

**Edited by Thanya. Thanks!**


	5. Real and MakeBelieve

**"When you're gone, pieces of my heart are missing too." **

**When You're Gone by Avril Lavigne**

Port Charles General was exactly like any other hospital in the world. It had the same sterile walls with generic flowers and art work that were meant to seem comforting. The rooms and hallways were filled with the same sickening anesthetic smell that burned your nose and followed you for hours after you exited the building. People fought, healed and died within the walls that now enveloped her like arms welcoming her home. She was a doctor, damn it. Her job was to save lives and make a difference in the world. Any issues or ghosts that she might have needed to be left at the revolving glass doors. Robin Scorpio was not going to have someones death on her head just because she had a dead ex-boyfriend that she couldn't seem to let go of. She had lost numerous patients over the years since getting out of medical school, but never for such a childish reason. She sure as hell wasn't going to start now. She had practiced medicine in the same hospital that she had spent so many nights in at his bedside. There was absolutely no reason that she couldn't make it through each shift here, especially when he had never set foot within it's confines. He was just going to have to stay locked in a corner of her mind, safely sealed away so that his memory didn't destroy another person's life. She wasn't the kind of girl who could live with a stranger's blood on her hands.

It was like a penance for her to spend her life healing people. She had made her share of bad choices and had caused more harm than good during her time in Paris. It was time that she make up for some of that and the only way she knew how to do so was by being a doctor. She had thought about law enforcment for awhile. After all, it had been a brilliant idea for Lucky when they had all thought that it was pure lunacy, but she soon realized that she would never be able to pull the trigger on another human being. Even if it meant saving an innocent person's life or her own. So she had spent many late nights studying and had worked her ass off to get through medical school. It was slowly paying off, even though the ridiculous amount of unpaid school loans screamed otherwise. How many lives had she saved? How many children had a chance to grow up, healthy and happy, because of her career choice? It gave her world a sense of balance and purpose to know that she mattered at work. Maybe she could have saved Lucky if she had been around and had known the things that she did now. She knew that it was painful and pointless to question things that she could never change, but sometimes she couldn't help it. She had so much knowledge and power as a doctor. Why shouldn't she be able to use it to fix the lives of the people she loved? Her mind was filled with different techniques, medicines, and cures. She should be able to use them to help her friends and her family. It wasn't fair to be so close to having all the answers, but still knowing nothing that she really needed to.

Robin passed numerous familiar faces from her youth as she walked the corridors. Monica and Alan Quartermaine, Emily's adoptive parents, smiled warmly at her and told her about how happy they were to have her home. Tony Jones, the head neurologist, welcomed her with a strong hug that reminded her of all the times she had run to him during her cousin's childhood illness. He had helped her make sense of it all and had explained all the complex medical terms that had gone right over her head at the time. He had been the one to perform all of the tests that had revealed Lulu as a match for Maxie. In a way, he was responsible for saving her young cousin's life so many years ago. Bobbie Spencer was the most heartbreaking for her to see again. The beautiful woman with fiery red hair dissolved into tears and warm smiles the second she laid eyes on Robin.

"I'm so sorry I didn't call." Robin mumbled to words into the woman's shoulder as Bobbie hugged her so tightly that she could barely breathe. It was like greeting a beloved member of her own family after a ridiculously long separation. The feeling was valid in a way. Lucky's aunt had been like one of her own. They had all entrusted Bobbie with their embarrassing questions and deep, dark secrets. She never mocked them or treated them like little kids who could never understand anything. She also never dared to tell them that they would get it when they grew up some more. She respected them and vice versa.

"It's so great to have you back. Look at you, little Robin Scorpio. You're all grown up and a doctor!" Bobbie stepped back, brushing a hand over Robin's hair and then cupping her cheek gently. She met the younger girl's eyes dead on. "I'm proud of you."

"You will never know how much it means to me to hear you say that." For the first time in a long time, Robin felt like she actually deserved to be a doctor. She never wanted to play God with other people's lives. She just wanted to help, to heal when she could. She had spent her entire life watching these doctors and nurses save people. They were her inspiration. She knew that she would never be half the woman that Bobbie was, but she would spend her life trying. "I remember when we were just kids and you would worry about Lucky and me running loose around town so you brought us to the hospital with you. We would dress up like doctors and play with all the different supplies, basically whatever we could get our hands on. No one ever got mad at us or threw a fit up the mess we would make. We just blended into the crowd and pretended that we were unbelievably important." Robin smiled at the memory. It was amazing to her that she had forgotten so much about her childhood. It was all flooding back to her now in a wave of melancholy happiness. "I don't think I'm pretending anymore."

"I always knew that you kids were going to do something amazing with your lives." Bobbie admitted with a sense of quiet pride in her voice. She had taken them all in like wounded strays, loving them until nothing could hurt anymore. "I had my moments where I feared that it would go terribly wrong, but you all pulled through." She wrapped an arm around Robin's shoulder, leading her downt the hall towards the nurse's station where Elizabeth was already buried underneath a stack of charts. "I think this is just the beginning, darling."

"Nothing but good times ahead." Robin quipped helpfully as she watched her best friend with a new awareness. They weren't kids anymore. When had that happened? It was just make-believe anymore. This was real life in a harsh world. There was no room for mistakes. People depended on them now. It was scary to finally fully comprehend that fact.

"Look at who I found wandering these lonely halls." Bobbie announced with a bright smile that was so familiar to Robin. She looked up to find Liz, another nurse, and two male doctors staring at her. She smiled shyly at the three strangers. "That's Epiphany Johnson, the head surgical nurse. She's a wise woman, Robin. You can never go wrong with advice from her. This is our newest cardiologist, Dr. Leo Julian."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance." Obviously, Dr. Julian was a smooth man. He lifted Robin's hand to his lips and brushed a kiss across her knuckles. Elizabeth covered her sudden laughter with a clever coughing fit. The other doctor, the one that Bobbie hadn't introduced yet, made a sound of mild disgust.

"Patrick Drake." The stranger held out his hand formally. His eyes were flat and slightly calculating. It was clear that he was focused solely on his job. He probably didn't care if the whole hospital hated him or worshipped him, as long as he had another name on his list of lives saved. Robin shook his hand quickly, automatically wiping her palm across her thigh when he released her.

"Patrick's a neurosurgeon so you're going to have to forgive his lack of social skills." Elizabeth chimed in helpfully, casting her gaze from Patrick to Robin and then back again. She had noticed Robin's reaction to Patrick's touch and she was sure that he had too. Liz knew that her friend's volatile attitude could only spell trouble if the cocky doctor didn't learn when to back down. The hospital would become a war zone right in front of their eyes if someone didn't draw a boundary line. "Why don't I bring you up to speed on some of the cases? Then you can jump right in." Elizabeth scooped up a handful of random neurological files and danced around the counter. She tugged on Robin's arm gently, eyeing her friend suspiciously. "Let's go, Robin."

"Whatever you say, Lizzie." Robin smiled reassuringly at her best friend. She looked directly past Patrick and met Leo's expectant gaze. "I'll see you later?" He nodded enough to seem enthusiastic while still remaining cool and in charge. She grinned at the scowl that crossed the neurosurgeon's face. "Have fun slicing people open, Dr. Drake. I'm going to go perform _real_ medicine."

"Are you on drugs or something?" Elizabeth demanded the second that they were out of hearing range from the nurse's station. Robin laughed, clearly enjoying the chaos she had just walked away from. "He's one of the best surgeons in the country, Robin. He's never lost a patient on the table, not a single one. You can't just insult him and his specialty like that."

"Liz, I think I just did." Robin pointed out with a bright smile. It felt good to be back in control. This hospital was _hers_ for the taking. No one was going to be able to stop her or tell her that she wasn't going to make it. "Besides, surgeons aren't exactly known for their sensitivity. I think he'll survive the treacherous wound that I just inflicted." Robin looped her arm through her friend's, feeling lighthearted for the first time in a long time. "Didn't you insult him too? You said he had no social skills because he was a neurosurgeon."

"That wasn't an insult." Elizabeth muttered under breath, clearly still annoyed for whatever reason. "It was just a statement of fact and Patrick knows that I'm right."

"You're awfully protective of the butcher, Lizzie dearest." Robin teased as she danced down the hall, snatching one of the charts from Elizabeth's hand. It was your classic junkie looking to score. Robin knew all the excuses and figured that the patient was getting pretty desperate if he was showing up as often as his file said that he was. She would have to be creative and try to get him into rehab. Maybe she could keep him from making as many deadly mistakes as she had. Her focus shifted back to her friend as Elizabeth swiped a strand of hair behind her ear, trembling with some emotion that Robin had never seen before. It looked dangerously close to fury. "Elizabeth, are you okay?"

"I loved my husband." Liz snapped, tears stinging her eyes as she shoved the rest of the charts into Robin's hand. "You weren't here so maybe you don't realize it. I don't know. Maybe it's as simple as you don't know the kind of love that I had with him. I loved my husband, Robin. Do not, for one second, ever think differently."

"I wasn't trying to accuse--..." Robin bit her lip, swallowing the apology that burned her tongue. Elizabeth pressed her palm to her forehead, taking a deep breath to calm herself before holding her hand up to stop the words. Liz's words stung in ways that Robin didn't want to think too hard about. Nothing else was said as Elizabeth turned and ran down the hall. It would be okay. She would cool down and Robin would get to apologize. They weren't foolish enough to let a little bit of teasing ruin a friendship that had lasted almost their entire lives. Soothing Elizabeth would just have to wait though, because her patients wouldn't. It was time for Robin to grow up and face the reality she had chosen.

--__--__--

Emily balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder, careful not to drop it as she waited for the call to connect. Her fingers sorted through the pile of papers that rested on the bed in front of her. There were numbers for at least a hundred different lawyers and hours worth of internet research that she had done back during his trial. She still regretted letting her loyalties get in the way of hiring Zander the best defense possible. Her brother Jason had insisted that Alexis Davis was the best in town, but Emily had known that there was better in the city. How hard would it have been for her to fly someone in? He would have been worth it. She had caved in the end, letting Jason's prior attorney handle the case. She had gotten rescued mobsters from life in prison too many times to count, even when they were actually responsible for the crime they had been accused of. Why couldn't she have saved an innocent man for a change? The ringing stopped and she hear the familiar frazzled voice on the other line. "Alexis? It's Emily Quatermaine. I was just wondering if you've seen him. No, I know that it's not customary for an attorney to visit a former client after the case has been closed. I just thought that maybe you would have a special interest in him. Yes, I understand. I'm sorry to have bothered you." She clicked the phone off and tossed it across the room, listening to the crack it made with a sick sense of satisfaction. Who did Alexis Davis think she was to deem Zander unworthy? She was just a lousy lawyer in a two-bit town that made her living sending innocent men to jail while cold-blooded murderers walked around free.

It was clear to Emily that the attorney had never really _tried_to clear his name. Jason had pushed for her to take the case so she had, probably out of fear at that point. It was amazing to realize how much of the whole trial had been orchestrated by her older brother. He had argued with the district attorney, had been at the trail each day, and had insisted on Alexis handling every detail. Em knew that she never should have listened to him. His only interest in Zander had been the fact that Emily had loved him. It was all just barely a blip on Jason's radar. He probably never would have paid any attention to the situation if his girlfriend, Sam, hadn't begged him. She was his humanity and everyone knew it. He would become dead inside without her in his life, just like he had been before she had shown up in Port Charles. It was nice to know that _someone_ got a happy ending at the end of the day. Even if it wasn't good, honest people that gave everything they had to make a relationship work.

"I figured that I could just let myself in, since my in-laws own the joint and all." Elizabeth explained as she slipped through the door, a shiny key ring twirling around her index finger. Emily forced a smile that she knew would be convincing enough. She scooped up the messy pile of papers and shoved them into the drawer of her nightstand. There was no reason that she needed to concern Liz with such a depressing obsession. "I freaked out on Robin." The confession slipped from Elizabeth's lips in a rush. "She was teasing me because I chastised her for being rude to the new neurosurgeon. Suddenly I was shaking and completely losing it. So I came here for my lunch break. I think I need a friend."

"Oh, Lizzie, I'm sure she understands." Emily soothed gently, crossing the room to pull her friend into a reassuring embrace. "You know how Robin is. She rebounds quickly." What was left of her phone made a pathetic chirping sound, drawing her attention to the splintered pieces of plastic that were strewn across the floor. Emily gestured helplessly at the evidence of her loss of control. "I had an unpleasant conversation with a stupid lawyer."

"You've convinced him to file an appeal?" Elizabeth's face lit up with newfound hope. It had ripped her up inside to watch Emily struggle to save Zander when he had refused to be saved, especially so soon after Lucky's death. Every ounce of pain had been too raw for the both of them. It had nearly destroyed their friendship, and both of their lives right along with it. It still pained her that she hadn't been able to reach out and help. She hadn't had it inside of her to comfort anyone else so soon after losing everything she had ever worked for. It was time that things start looking up for Emily. Maybe there would be a chance of happiness for each of them after all. "I didn't even know that he had started accepting your letters."

"He hasn't. They still get returned unopened. I think I'm eventually going to just give up and stop sending them, but you know me. I'm hopeless when it comes to him." Emily smiled sadly as she picked up the broken pieces of her cell phone. She dumped them into the trash. There was no saving it at this point. "I wish I could just go through the appeal and tell him after the fact. You know, kind of like 'Surprise, you're free' or something. Stupid, faulty justice system has everything so screwed up." She leaned back against the bed frame, seeing no point in getting up. The floor was going to seem as comfortable to her as anywhere else would.

"Em, I know I've told you this before and I don't want to sound like a broken record, but you can't save him if he won't let you. The world is still spinning around us and you're sitting in a tiny room above a diner, ignoring everything else that's out there. It's not _right_. He told you to forget about him. I hate to say it, but maybe he was right." Elizabeth knelt on the floor beside her youngest friend. She had come here seeking assurances after snapping at Robin with no good reason to back her up. Instead she had found that Emily really wasn't letting go of the past. Everyone else had moved on and had grown up, but Emily was stuck in the years prior, fighting a battle that she couldn't possibly win.

"You wouldn't give up if you were me and it was Lucky in that jail cell instead of Zander. Don't even tell me that he could tell you to give up and that you would listen. You would be doing _anything_ that you could possibly think of to make everything go back to the way it should be. You can stand here and tell me that I should move on, that I should forget how much I love him, and anything else that pops into your head. I don't have to listen to it." Emily pushed Liz's hands away, refusing to be comforted. "Liz, you have to see what you're doing here. You sound so hypocritical and I know that you really aren't." There was nothing that anyone cold say that would make her walk away from him. Didn't they all realize that by now? She turned her attention back to the brunette that was staring at her with a mix of pity and worry in her eyes. "I know what I'm doing."

"Do you, really?" Elizabeth got to her feet and headed for the door. She didn't have time to sit here and argue with Emily, to try and make her see reason. There probably wasn't enough time in the world for that, let alone on her brief lunch break from the hospital. "Please, do not drown yourself in this guy, Emily. He seems perfectly content to spend his life in that prison and there must be a reason for that. At least get all of the facts before you waste your life on a crusade trying to rescue someone who is so determined to throw it all away." She wrapped an arm around Emily in a quick hug. The younger girl didn't even try to meet her gaze. "I love you, Emmy."

"I love you too." The words were an automatic reaction, but that didn't make them any less true. She didn't agree with Elizabeth, but she still loved her. The same way that she would always love Zander, even when he swore that he had never loved her. He denied their relationship ever meaning anything to him. He insisted that it had all been cheap thrills, sex, and a way to stave off boredom in a small town. He claimed that it wasn't his fault that she had confused physical satisfaction with true love. He had, after all, never made any promises for the future. She had been a pretty girl with a great body, but never anything more than that. He even went as far as to apologize for her naive beliefs in him. She should have known better than to fall for sweet words and eager kisses. Anyone in the real world knew that sex and money was all that mattered. He trashed every memory that they had ever created, turning it into something dirty and cheap. Emily knew that it was all lies. She just didn't know why he would use them to hurt her so badly. There was definitely more going on than she knew about, Liz had at least been right about that much, but she couldn't get any answers from a man who would never even bother to read her letters. Unless she found a way to confront him face to face.

--__--__--

The car stereo still blared her CD, even all these years later. He hadn't had the heart to ever take it out and had nearly taken off his mechanic's head when the poor sap had tried during the yearly inspection. It was far from being his kind of music, but she had insisted that it would help her get through the drives into the city that they had so frequently made. She had hated to be cooped up for any extended amount of time and he had loved her to complete distraction so he had caved within seconds. How was he supposed to throw away one of the only things he still had of her to hang onto? A woman that he couldn't name sang loudly in his ears, _"If it makes you happy, it can't be that bad."_It definitely wasn't anything that he would have chosen, but then again he had always done whatever he could to make her smile. He used to think that he had made her happy. She had become an entirely different person with him than the girl everyone else saw. They had both been delusionally blissful until he went and single-handedly destroyed everything she had cherished.

It hadn't been out of malice or hatred, quite the opposite actually. He would never have purposefully done anything that could ever cause her pain. It was supposed to be the most magically night of her life, but it turned into a complete nightmare that he hadn't been able to wake her from. It sounded like a cliche relationship gone wrong. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy screws everything up and loses girl. It seemed so simple when put into that kind of context, without any of the details to fully understand. Maybe he could live with himself if it had been a typical break up where they had just grown apart or if she had found someone else that could love her better than he ever could. Just the thought of anyone else touching her was enough to make him violently ill. He had always carried a mean jealous streak in his blood. His family was known for their possessiveness and for their violent attitudes.

He, as the cherished heir in his family, had been spoiled as a child in a lot of ways. He could act out as much as he wanted to without ever realizing the repurcussions. Those habits followed him throughout life to this day. She had started to show him another way to live, but he had trashed it with a skill that took years of practice. No one else would ever be able to hurt her the way that he had. The realization was slowly crushing him, but at least he knew that she would never be able to forget him. He knew that he had to be one sick sonofabitch if he could find a sense of satisfaction in the way that he had ripped her to shreds. She was probably better off without him tainting her with the kind of poison that ran through his blood.

She had all the innocence of a child while being one of the most jaded girls he had ever met. Everything about her was twisted and convoluted. She was a puzzle that he could never figure out, a mystery that still taunted him even though she was long gone. She could do some of the most hideous things, but only with the best of intentions. She never meant to cause any harm. She also never realized that she had screwed up until she was standing in the ashes of what had once been and it all came crashing down on her. She cared more about fashion than she did about global warming, but she would cry every time they drove by an animal shelter. She would spend over a hundred dollars on a single pair of shoes, but would insist on using coupons when they would go grocery shopping. _Probably to save enough money for the shoes_, he mused with a soft smile.

How was it possible that he could remember such unimportant details after all this time? He could still remember that her favorite pair of shoes had been a pair of white and black stiletto heels. She had mourned them greatly when they got ruined during one of their dates in Central Park. It was her own fault though. She was the one who had decided to dance in the fountains like a carefree child. It had only taken her two seconds to convince him to join her though. She had been so happy that day. He could still hear her laughter echoing in his mind. Could he really live the rest of his life without ever hearing her laugh again, without feeling her touch or seeing her smile? She had become the center of his world, the only thing that truly kept him grounded. How had he even survived this long? He swung the car around, making an illegal u-turn in the middle of the crowded road. Cars blared their horns at him and people yelled obscenities, but he didn't care. He had a new direction and nothing was going to stop him from finding her. It was time that Maxie Jones come face to face with her past.

--__--__--

"I told you not to call me." Nikolas growled into his cell phone. The dark haired beauty that he had met seemed to curl her body around his in a way that could only be described as perfection. He had left Port Charles to escape the hassle and demands that meant nothing to him. Greece had been his original destination but now he was suddenly glad that he had detoured to Milan. There was something to be said for Italian artwork, especially when it was in the flesh and slowly making it's way up his torso. Her expressive eyes burned into his as she smiled slyly, enjoying his frustration. "What do you want?"

_"I miss you." Her voice was soft in his ear._

He groaned at the sadness her tone held. It wasn't supposed to be like this. It had been nothing more than sex. She had known the deal up front. She couldn't claim that he had, at any point, deceived her. "Don't do this to yourself, baby. We had fun. I never wanted you to get hurt, you know."

_"Nikolas, come home." She demanded angrily, keeping her voice quiet in case anyone would overhear. That was the last thing that she needed right now. "You picked a really lousy time to leave town, Cassadine. There are people here who need you."_

"You don't need me. I was just another guy warming your bed. Go find someone else to amuse you." Nikolas snapped his phone shut, tossing it onto the pile of clothes that rested next to the bed. Her slinky back dress caught his eyes and he grinned. She had looked pretty damn good in it, but she definitely looked better _out_ of it.

"I didn't realize that you had a girlfriend waiting for you back home." His raven haired girl teased with a wicked glint in her eyes. She knew for a fact that any guy who talked to her like that would surely pay for it, slowly and painfully. She pitied the pathetic creature that he had just crushed without blinking an eye. He really was the ruthless type, wasn't he? It didn't take her long to figure out why she was so attracted to him.

"You think you're funny, don't you?"

"Oh, honey, I'm hilarious." She dragged one of her jet black nails down his chest, loving they way she could make him squirm. "You don't like to play nice, Mikhail, do you?" She slid up his body some more so she could meet his brooding gaze. She knew that he was hiding a hell of a lot from her, but she wasn't the kind of girl who could muster the energy to care. She had seen things in the world that would horrify him and keep him up at night. She could make his hair stand on end in more ways than one and not all of them pleasurable. "What kind of last name is that?"

"Russian. What kind of first name is Toni?" Nikolas brushed off her suspicious tone by dropping a playful kiss on her neck. He had learned quickly which spots would make her completely defenseless beneath him. He knew that Toni was actually short for Antonia, an old family name according to her. He wasn't quite sure if she was lying or not. He didn't really care and couldn't call her out on it if she was since he had lied to her too. It was just easier not to be a Cassadine. He was tired of always being Prince Nikolas Mikhail Stavrosovich Cassadine. He no longer wanted to be the man who loved Gia, who wanted to make her princess fantasy come true. It was time that he just be Nik Mikhail, a guy looking for sex and no strings. "Can we stop talking now? There doesn't seem to be much point."

"In a second." Toni bent her head so that her lips were a whisper away from his ear. "If you think for one second that I'm not the one in control here, you can think again. This is mindblowing sex and nothing else. Do not get possesive or jealous. Do not make demands of me in any way outside of the mutual physical pleasure we share. Got it?" Nikolas tangled his fingers in her long, black hair, rolling so that he had her body pinned beneath him. The darkness of her eyes and hair was a startling when compared to her pale, ivory skin that slid beneath his fingers like silk. She laughed, a deep throaty sound that made his blood boil within his veins.


	6. A Bitter Pill To Swallow

**"I hate the ending myself, but it started with an alright scene."**

**- Disenchanted by My Chemical Romance**

"Once upon a time..." Maxie shifted Cameron on her lap as she situated herself on the first long, wooden pew of the hospital chapel. Elizabeth had asked her to watch him while she finished rounds since the poor kid had already spent twelve hours in daycare. "There once was a handsome prince and everyone in the kingdom loved him. His father, the king, had died when the prince was just a little baby, but his mother raised him to be a strong, daring man who would rule the kingdom exactly like his father had. The only problem was that there was an evil witch who had killed the king and didn't want the prince to take the throne so she cast a horrible spell on the entire palace. Everyone inside of the palace walls fell into a deep, dark slumber that lasted for thousands of years. Then the beautiful princess came along and saw the sleeping prince. She kissed him and the entire kingdom came back to life as if her kiss was magic. They all lived happily ever after. The end."

"I thought that the princess pricked her finger on a spinning wheel and the prince's kiss woke her up." His voice was like a blast of cold air, slapping her across the face. She felt it like a punch to the stomach and nearly doubled over from the pain. She clutched Cameron tightly to her chest, terrified that she would fall apart if she let him go for even a second.

"I think it's beneficial for him to learn that sometimes the princess can be the hero." Maxie was surprised that her voice remained even. She felt like she was flying into a million different directions, but it was a small relief to know that he couldn't see it. She could feel a chill radiating through her from the inside out. Yet she could practically feel his body heat in the tiny room. She heard each breath that he took and every step that brought him closer to her. She released a shaky sigh of her own as she turned to face him. "How did you find me?"

"I've always known where you were, Maxie. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that you came back here." The footsteps stopped a few rows back from where she sat and she released a breath of relief. Cameron had started to doze off halfway through her story and now he was out like a light.

"So why are you suddenly darkening the doorways of Port Charles? Did you suddenly develop a conscience?" Maxie gritted her teeth. She always said too much and then regretted it the second that the words left her mouth. She usually had more self-control than that, but never when he was around. It was one of her few silver linings over the last two years. There hadn't been many so she took pleasure in the smallest details.

"I think you took my conscience with you when you left." He murmured ruefully and she could practically _hear_ the sardonic smirk that had to be on his face. He hinted at all kinds of trouble and for a moment her heart fluttered with worry. He had a talent for causing chaos and then barely escaping the repercussions with his life intact. It was a miracle that the boy had lived to see twenty.

Maxie shifted Cam gently in her arms, careful not to disturb the sleeping little boy. She wasn't selfish enough to wake him just so that he could cause a distraction, although the thought was a tempting one. "I'm not sure you ever had one." It surprised her that the statement was still so painful. He had been her only decent shot at a normal life after Lucky had died and then it had vanished in the blink of an eye. "And you left me, buddy. Do not try to turn this around and make it my fault."

"You wanted out, Mariah." He growled out her first name and she knew that his temper was probably spiking. No one ever used her given name. She had always just been Maxie. He was the only person that ever bothered to call her Mariah and usually only when she was making him crazy. She heard him shifting restlessly in his seat. He was the kind of person who had to keep moving. It was amazing that he had been sitting still for this long. She knew that the pacing would come any moment.

"It doesn't matter anymore. Maybe I was clawing my way out and you just did the gentlemanly thing. Or maybe you shattered me when you left." Maxie kept her tone light and sarcastic, swallowing the grief that threatened to stop her heart. She would be damned to hell before she admitted to him that it had nearly killed her when he had left or that she had spent months waiting for him to come after her. She turned enough to glance at him over her shoulder. "We did what we did. There's no changing it now. Just tell me what you want."

"What would you do if I said that I was here for you? Would you let me have you again?" His voice dropped to a husky whisper and she watched his eyes darken in a way that used to make her blood boil with desire. "Would you let me touch you, Maxie?"

"You're sick." She barely had enough oxygen in her body to spit the words out. It was becoming harder and harder to draw breath into her body and she knew that she was heading for a full-blown panic attack. People had warned her about the poisonous side of him, but she had never really believed it, even after he had abandoned her. Now she could hear it in his voice and taste it in the air. He was like the hottest flame, taunting her to touch the fire when she was in no mood to get burned.

"Relax, Jones, I came back to handle my father's estate." He laughed at the fear that danced in her pale eyes. He wasn't going to admit that it felt like he was being stabbed repeatedly. How could she actually be scared of him? Hadn't she once looked at him with adoration? Maybe things were worse than he had let himself believe. It wasn't like he had expected her to welcome him with open arms though.

Had she really expected him to come back for her? Maxie had gotten the message loud and clear the first time around. _Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me._ The old saying slid through her mind. Elizabeth had always said it when Lucky would tease them. Maybe there was more truth to it than any of them had realized. She turned away from him again, forcing her eyes to leave his face. How many nights had she stayed awake just so that she could watch him? It seemed like a distant memory to her now... It was a part of her life that she wished she could forget. It would be so much easier for her if she had never met him.

"Maxie?" Elizabeth's voice broke through the tension as the chapel doors opened just enough to reveal the petite brunette. The long shift had exhausted the young mother, but she still looked fantastic. It wasn't fair for someone to look so good after spending at least twelve hours on her feet. Liz smiled down at her sister in-law and son with such an adoring smile that it made his stomach turn as he watched the trio. He had only seen Maxie's family in passing, never getting close enough to ever speak to them or for them to know just what kind of role he played in the blonde's life. Then he had whisked her off to the city and there just hadn't been time. At least there hadn't been until it was too late.

"I came in here for some quiet." Maxie explained softly as she handed the sleeping toddler to Elizabeth. "I told him my own version of Sleeping Beauty."

"I'm guessing that the princess was the hero, right?" Liz shook her head indulgently and anyone with eyes could see that she loved the tiny blonde to distraction. Maxie tossed her purse over her shoulder as she got to her feet, giving her only sister in-law a quick hug around the little boy. Elizabeth sighed as they parted, her fatigue finally starting to show. "Let's get out of here."

Maxie threw a quick glance at him before smiling up at Elizabeth. "You took the words right out of my mouth, Lizzie."

--__--__--

Robin knew better than to be superstitious, but she couldn't help but shiver when her phone started to vibrate in her pocket for the tenth time that morning. There was never anyone on the other line, but once or twice she had heard the sound of someone breathing. The part that bothered her was how familiar it all felt, as if she knew the person calling her. It was ridiculous. She knew that it was probably just a bunch of teenagers trying to pull off a prank call and then chickening out at the last second, but that didn't completely calm the irrational fear that chased through her veins.

The harsh hospital lights were dimmed, finally letting the bright sun filter in through the hundreds of windows that lined each floor of the building. Her white lab coat and generic blue scrubs staved off any chill that remained in the air as she made her way to the tenth floor nurse's station. She pulled her hair up into a tight ponytail as she listened to the phones ring ahead of her. An assortment of people littered the waiting room off to her right, waiting for news about their respective family members that were either in surgery or undergoing tests and treatment. A few patients milled around the hall or in their doorways and she smiled at each of them as she passed.

Epiphany greeted her with a curt nod before handing her a stack of charts that required her signature as soon as she came to a stop next to the counter. Some of the nurses that she hadn't been introduced to yet seemed to stare at her with blatant curiosity as she flipped through the pages, double checking each and every one for any kind of error before signing her name on the appropriate line. Her phone buzzed again and she pulled it out to glance at the screen with irritation. _Unknown Caller. _She felt a wave of ice move through her system as she read the two lit up words that greeted her.

"You look like someone just walked across your grave." Patrick Drake mused as he came up behind her, leaning against the nurse's station with a sly grin on his face. They had only talked in passing so far, neither one of them willing to go out of their way to start a conversation.

Robin tucked her phone back into her pocket for safe keeping as she pushed the phone calls from her mind. "Just some kids trying to get a laugh." She forced herself to become professional and detached again. She was damn good at what she did and she wasn't about to let a few meaningless calls upset her. She studied Patrick silently for a minute. "What do you want?"

"Why do you assume that I want something? Maybe I'm just being friendly with my newest colleague." He was the perfect image of innocence. She knew better than to trust it though. He glared at her when she raised her eyebrows suspiciously. "Don't give me that look, Dr. Scorpio."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Robin argued, deciding that two could play whatever game it was that he was toying with. She flipped her patient's chart shut and handed it to Epiphany with a genuinely warm smile. Patrick watched her with obvious amusement, much to her own annoyance. "Don't you have someone to slice open?"

"It's nothing life or death, but I thank you for your concern." He smirked as she blew out a frustrated breath and rolled her shoulders with a grimace. Anyone within a two-mile radius could see that she was tense. His smile kicked up as he thought of a few ways he could get her to relax. He brushed his fingertips across the side of her neck and watched her eyes flutter for a second before she turned to him with eyes that burned with rage.

"I think you should just walk away, Dr. Drake." Robin warned through gritted teeth. What right did the arrogant fool have to touch her? He could barely remember her first name. He knew nothing about her. She took a step back, shoving his hand away from her face. "I am _not_ one of your little play-things."

"Nurse Spencer was right." Patrick murmured thoughtfully, raising his hands up in front of his chest with his palms out in mock surrender. He watched her eyes blaze at the mention of her best friend. He hadn't realized that she would be so easy to rile up.

"Elizabeth?"

"She told me that you were passionate." It was amazing how uncomfortable she seemed. He lowered his hands and resumed his relaxed stance against the counter. The hospital was chaos, but for some reason he could only find peace. He spent nearly eighty percent of his life within its walls and would gladly hand over the other twenty.

"You know nothing about me. Don't ever think otherwise." Robin retorted angrily seconds before she stormed off. Patrick watched her go with quiet amusement. It wasn't like she could get very far from him. Port Charles was an abnormally small town. It would be impossible for her to hide. He turned to the head nurse, Epiphany, with a cocky smile. "I think she likes me." The older woman scoffed and shook her head, refusing to encourage his delinquent antics.

"I think she would actually have a conversation with you if she didn't think you were so shallow." Leo mused as he watched the scene from where he stood next to Epiphany. Patrick glanced over at his best friend and shrugged.

"Liz could have filled her in on all of that." He watched Robin disappear around one of the many corners before focusing his full attention on the cardiologist. "Maybe she had her reasons or maybe no one really cares." Who was he to confess all of Elizabeth's secrets to a girl that he barely knew? It had been a dark time for the young mother and some things were better off left alone. He stared back at the last place that he had seen Robin. "She can run all that she wants, but she won't be able to hide forever."

--__--__--

The jail was nothing but cold, bleak concrete that surrounded her from all sides. The air smelled like death and she could hear her shoes echoing as she walked down the corridor towards a single, black door. There were no windows and absolutely no way to escape at the last second, short of turning around and fighting her way through a crowd of bitter cops. The door automatically swung open in front of her and she realized that her own skin suddenly felt too tight. Her heart pounded in her chest as she stepped into a tiny room, no bigger than the cells that they locked their prisoners in. There was a single table sitting in the middle with a chair on either side. She could see the little hooks on the far side that they used to lock the handcuffs with. How many times had he sat in that chair? Did anyone ever come see him or did he spend all of his time in his cell, pacing like a caged animal? The guilt was unbelievably powerful, nearly knocking her off of her feet. She stumbled forward towards the closest chair as the officer who was escorting her glanced at her with a strange look in his eye.

The door on the other side of the room started to open slowly and the breath caught in her chest. Her hand flew to her mouth as she gasped in disbelief. How long had it been since she had seen him? She could barely remember the days now. She could still remember the day that he was arrested, but everything afterwards seemed to be a blur in her mind. It all began and ended with him. His hair was a little longer and he had bruises on his right cheek that were just starting to heal. She knew that he had to have at least a hundred new scars and she would never be able to fathom their causes. He turned then, his eyes flying to hers. It only took him a single heartbeat before he turned back to the guard. "Take me back to my cell."

"Zander, don't. Please." She could feel the tears building. The air seemed to thicken as he stole the very oxygen from her lungs. He was close enough that she could practically feel the heat radiating off of his body, yet he seemed hundreds of miles away. His eyes were dark and flat, as if he had never held her in his arms or kissed her lips. It was the same way that he had looked at her throughout the trial. There was never a flicker of emotion, not even a hint of the passion that they had once shared. She leaned forward in her chair, spreading her hands out against the cool, metal table.

"I have nothing to say to you." He turned his face away, refusing to look at her any longer. It was almost as if the sight of her now disgusted him. Her stomach churned at the thought. How the hell had they gotten this far away from what they had been?

"I needed to see you." Emily blurted the words out, grasping at the table desperately. The room suddenly felt far too hot and the walls threatened to close in on her. Everything in her vision seemed to get black around the edges as panic set in. She hadn't come this far just to have him turn his back on her again. She pulled her hands back into her lap, clenching them in fists until her nails bit into her delicate palms. "You owe me at least this much." She got to her feet without even thinking about it, walking towards him until one of the cops gently grabbed her arm and stopped her. She glanced at him and nodded briefly before turning back to Zander. "Please."

His eyes flickered to the guards that surrounded them before he stepped towards the table. She didn't move until they had secured him to the table and backed away. His wrists were marred with purple smudges, as if they kept the cuffs on him too tightly for long durations of time. She pressed her right hand against her stomach, mentally willing the nausea to pass. She hadn't realized just how emotional it would be to see him again. She slid slowly into the chair she had vacated, staring at the scratches that covered the table. Her pink knit t-shirt, which had once been his favorite, now seemed at least three sizes too small when it had fit perfectly just an hour before. The jeans that she wore seemed to rub the skin on her thighs raw each time she moved and she could feel the sweat beading on the back of her neck before slipping under the cotton fabric. She adjusted her matching headband nervously, unable to keep herself still.

"I thought you had something to say." Zander muttered bitterly, still staring off to the side and away from her. She glanced up at his face, once again fighting back tears as she realized just how different he had become.

Emily dragged her tongue across her bottom lip, taking a deep breath as she tried to organize her wayward thoughts. "Robin came home." It was probably the stupidest thing that she could have said. He was locked in eight by five jail cell. She was sure that Robin, a girl that he had never actually met, was the last thing on his mind. "I'm sorry."

"Why did you come here, Emily?" His voice was slightly softer than it had been and he finally looked up to meet her worried gaze. It wasn't much, but it was progress.

She hadn't expected it to feel so good when he finally said her name again. "I told you... I had to see you."

"Yet, you haven't said why."

"I wanted to make sure that you were okay." Emily whispered helplessly. She knew that he wouldn't want to hear such an excuse. He had demanded that she stay away from him, that she forget that he had ever existed. He just didn't understand that he was asking for the impossible. She laid her hands on the table, making sure to keep two or three inches between their skin. "No one else gets me, Zander. I know that you don't want me to say things like this, but it's true and, damn it, you have to listen to me."

"Don't swear." He scolded mildly out of pure habit. He watched a single tear roll down her flushed cheeks. Her skin was sickly pale and she looked as if a strong wind would blow her away. He had entrusted Nikolas and Elizabeth with her life, but they seemed to have left their fallen friend behind. He shifted in his chair, fully aware of the way that her eyes followed his every moment. "You look like hell."

"So do you, but you don't see me complaining." Emily reminded him softly as she struggled to hold back a painful sob. She hadn't come here to cry on his shoulder. Why had she come to see him? Nothing was going to change and there wasn't a damn thing that she could do about it. She should have known that seeing him was just going to make it hurt so much worse.

He had trashed the life that they had shared and practically put the handcuffs on himself while she was sentenced to a miserable existence without him. She eyed the room suspiciously as anger quickly pushed away the panic. Her gaze settled on him again, this time burning with rage rather than tears. "I wrote you over and over again to tell you that Elizabeth had the baby and that she named him Cameron Alexander, but all my letters got returned unopened. Don't you see it?" Emily leaned forward in her chair and slamming her palm against the table, enjoying the sting that the force left behind. "That has to tell you that we still believe that you're innocent, Zander. Because if you're guilty then you have to tell me why the hell my best friend would name her son after his father's killer."

"Get her out of here." Zander snapped at the closest guard that was watching her warily, as if she were more of a danger than the convicted murderer. "Now." His voice echoed off the cement walls, jolting her out of her furious red haze. He had jumped to his feet and was pulling against the metal rings that bounded him to the table. "Do you hear me? Get her out!"

"Zander, please." She watched the cuffs bite into his wrists, leaving fresh wounds that would take forever to heal. "Stop struggling. You're hurting yourself." The officers rushed forward, one of them pushing Zander down against the table while the other one worked to free him from the metal slab. She could only stare in horror as they dragged him out of the room. She was out of the small room and halfway down the long corridor before she realized that she was shaking violently. She touched her cheek in disbelief as warm, wet tears streaked down her face. She could still hear him yelling, but part of her knew that it was only an echo of his voice in her mind.

Emily knew without a doubt that it was a sound that would haunt her for the rest of her life.


End file.
