Harry Potter 1. Learning to love

**A/N**: Greeting readers, this is a storyline that is inspired from my everyday experiences, not necessarily my own life history, but things i've either observed or though/- could relate towards.

This story will probably contain grammar mistakes and miss usage of the english language in terms of spelling. - and i apologise in beforehand.

**Disclaimers**: i don't own the original movie or the characters overall, only the plot and the OCC-..ness?

- also this is a male x male fic, though i don't understand why you would have thought differently..

**Parings**: Harry Potter x Severus Snape

**Learning to love **

Harry was as content as he could with his life at the moment. He didn't feel the need to complain all to much, though it had been a little to lonely than he would have liked it to be. His relatives had gone on a long vacation to Spain for the remainder of the summer and if that wasn't enough solitude he hadn't received any letters from his friends for weeks and wondered why.

Harry was sitting outside with a glass of water, listening to the soft buzzing of bees an the neighbours muffled shouts about chores that had to be done. Chores he himself usually would have been forced to do, those same chores that had been ignored since the leave of his relatives.

Harry knew they probably would throw a fit about it whenever they decided to grace him with they're unwanted presence. But Harry had already decided that he wouldn't be anywhere near the house when that would accrue.

No, Harry would probably be miles away from privet drive and since he didn't plan to ever return why would he bother with trying to please them?

Harry got up from his position on the ground to go inside. He would be leaving towards the ''Order'' in a couple of days and thought it best to have everything packed and ready, even if it only was his own excuse to have something to do.

Because of his relatives absence he'd been living more freely, using the couch as his bed or eating whatever he found in the kitchen, even if it wasn't much they'd left behind, wherever he wanted.

He was also sleeping in longer and taking far to long morning showers just because he could. So yes, Harry was more comfortable and relaxed in his life than he had ever been before but also bored out of his mind.

And being left alone and bored left Harry to his thoughts and it was starting to get unbecoming and uncomfortable.

Harry started thinking more over his insecurities and rethink his choices, he started to doubt, get more frustrated and most of all hate on himself.

Harry sat down on the couch and closed his eyes wishing that the next couple of days would soon be over.

It was a cold august evening and far to quiet than Harry would have liked. Today Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, his godfather and other pseudo godfather, would come to get him.

He hadn't understood why he couldn't have been moved earlier, being all alone in a house didn't leave much of a threat he thought. Dumbledore had specifically said in his second year that the blood wards around his aunts house would keep him safe from Voldemort but since Harry hadn't asked how it technically worked he didn't know and therefore couldn't really fault it that much.

He had sent a letter telling Dumbledore that he would be alone for the summer and wondered if it would be okay to come to the order hideout earlier but had only received a short reply saying that if he wanted to keep himself and his friends safe he would stay under the wards. Harry hadn't sent anymore letters to him and felt a slight dislike towards the headmaster, playing with his feelings and all again..

''Hello pup!'' Harry whipped around and saw his godfather standing behind him with open arms. Before Sirius could react he had his arms full of his godson.

''Sirius! What took you so long?'' Harry asked as he laughed at his godfathers attics. Harry had only known his godfathers for two years and hadn't had as much contact with either of them during the summer so he was shocked to see that Sirius had trimmed his hair short and Remus grown out a bit of a beard.

''We got held up, I swear to you the order has turned in to a bunch of crazy baboons.'' Both Harry and Remus could se the bemusement on Sirius face but decided not to comment on it further.

''So how has summer been Harry?, we haven't heard from you at all since the end of the year,'' Remus asked while looking a bit concerned. It had bothered him that they hadn't received any answers from Harry during the summer, both he and Sirius had been afraid Harry was upset with them over something.

''You didn't get my letters? I thought you were to busy to respond so after the third letter or so i stopped sending them.'' Harry said looking interested. He hadn't gotten any responses from any of the letters he had sent.. all of them couldn't have gotten lost could they?

''But we wrote a bunch of letters too, are you saying you didn't receive them either?'' Remus asked and when they got a negative shook from Harry they started to get suspicious, something where not right..

''The only one who answered my letters was Dumbledore but that was in the beginning of the summer..'' Harry said and was now starting to question the old man even more, he couldn't be behind this could he?

Was this another attempt from Dumbledore, trying to manipulate his life? Sure, after the incidence in second year; with the flying car and all, he guessed he had disobeyed the rule to stay safe, but he was young! The only other time he had tried to ''endanger'' himself was in third year when Dudley had thought it to be fun to play ''Harry hunting piñata'' when he had discovered the agony his smelting stick could cause. That's Harry sent a letter to Sirius asking if he could live with him for the rest of the summer unknowingly leaving traces of tears on the paper.

Of course Dumbledore came for a visit later that evening making him feel guilty for ''endangering not only himself but the safety of is godfather.'' Sirius had gone to Dumbledore demanding to know his godsons whereabouts which had been a 2 hour long conversation with he headmaster and ended with Sirius not being aloud to leave the house under any circumstances and to have 24 hour observation from the order to not disobey. Harry had later that evening been made to write another letter to ''calm him down'' explaining that he was just bored and wanted to spend some time with him and that the tear traces only were smudges of water since he drank when he was writing.

Harry suspected that Dumbledore defiantly knew something was wrong in the household of his relatives but didn't want to deal with it our thought it was ordinary in the muggle world.

''We should get to the orders hideout and speak to Dumbledore, something isn't right.'' Remus said feeling slightly annoyed at the thought that their communication had been cut of because of Dumbledore, what if something happened during the summer and the only one knowing of it would be the headmaster, that legally had no right without consent from Harrys guardians, in the muggle world that would be the Dursleys but in the magical society would be, convict or not, Sirius Black.

Sirius nodded while Harry was deep in his own thoughts thinking over all the times the old headmaster had meddled with his life in anyway and so far something didn't sit right with him.

''..ry''

''..arry..''

''Pup! wake up!'' Sirius had been trying to get his attention after noticing that Harry was nowhere in the land of the living. When he met his godsons concerned and slightly saddened stare he knew that Harry hid more than they knew.

''Hmm? Are we leaving now?'' Harry asked as he tried to get back from his thoughts.

''Yes, you've got all you need? Should we go inside to say a final goodbye?'' Sirius joked at the end since he knew his godson weren't to fond of them.

''No need, they aren't even home and i have everything with packed so we could leave now.'' Harry asked not noticing the slight change in his way of speaking, it had turned from slightly breathy an excitement to monotone and indifferent.

Before Sirius could ask he got jabbed in the side by Remus and received a stare that said 'later'.

''Alright then, if you and Sirius apparates first ill be right behind.''

Harry grabbed a hold on Sirius arm and the other hold his trunk while Sirius had taken Hedwigs cage and Harrys separate backpack in his other hand they disappeared with a sharp snap.

The orders hideout was nothing Harry had ever expected, he had thought it would be a mansion somewhere in Scotland, surrounded by threes and with wards that could compete with Hogwarts, somewhere he could actually think that his loved ones was safe but instead there in the middle of London.

Sirius had shortly after they'd arrived explained about the fidelius charm that surrounded the house, which would have convinced him to feel safety if it wasn't for the amusing mistake in the numbering that caused number 11 to sit beside number 13. If the death eaters observed as well as he, a 15 year old, there where only a matter of time; then again they were pretty oblivious.

upon entering the hideout he found out he didn't like it at all. It was cramped, dirty and gloomy. He could feel the depression and insanity seep from the walls of the old Black household and the smothering air that clogged up his senses.

''Lovely isn't it?'' Sirius said sarcastically with a bemused laugh. Harry snorted in amusement at his godfathers question and kept walking towards the dining room.

As he entered he got a look of all the new people surrounding the dinner table. At the end sat Mr. Weasley looking slightly uncomfortable while talking to a ruff looking man. Beside them sat the twins talking with a lilac haired woman, they looked to be the only ones that hold a pleasant conversation, and of course Severus Snape standing in the corner; observing the interactions surrounding him.

''He hasn't arrived yet?'' Asked Sirius and it was no question who he referred too.

''No not yet.. it seems he's gotten held up..'' drawled Snape showing his uninterested as he kept looking around him. His eyes moved to Harry and stayed even though Harry met his stare. Harry noticed for the first time that his professors pitch black eyes was guarded but still reviled questions on the surface. The connection was broken when a girly screeching voice screamed his name and soon he found himself on the floor with a tall redheaded girl on top of him.

''Excuse me?'' Harry asked and looked at the girl with a questioning gaze. He felt extremely offended by the act. Ginny may be the sister of his best friend but what gave her the right to cling onto him?

The silence was thickening by the minute and Harry still didn't look away and expected an explanation to the ruff act towards his person. Some may say this was unlike Harry but those who observed knew he wasn't a fan of touching and defiantly didn't appreciate this sort of 'fan-girl' behaviour.

''I- i just wanted to say hi..'' Ginny trailed of embarrassed. She was tall for a girl and looked more bulkier. She wasn't unattractive, but she was defiantly more of a 'tom-boy' kind of girl and her behaviour did not complement it.

Harry didn't answer as he stood up and the fact that he was upset showed on his face even though he tried to hide it. Ginny had rushed out of the room in tears but thankfully the uncomfortable silence was cut by no other than Snape.

''Well.. wasn't that an melodramatic exit?... '' Harry stifled a chuckle at that but couldn't hide his amusement and in the corner of his eyes he could see his professors expression change from slight shock into his own small amused smile.

Mrs. Weasley entered the kitchen with a confused expression but everyone ignored it as they continued their earlier conversations. A little more than 10 minutes pasted and Dumbledore entered the dining room in all his glory.

''Headmaster, finally felt the need to grace us with your presence i see?'' Severus asked sarcastically and could hear muffled chuckles from the end of the table wear Harry and the twins sat. Severus felt his ego boost but didn't show.

Dumbledore just looked sharply at Severus but let the comment go as he sat down at the table. It didn't take long until he noticed Harry and said person felt unnerved at the stare.

''Harry, my boy, it's wonderful to see you; everything's well i presume?'' He asked while his eyes twinkled.

''I'm not complaining.'' Harry answered shortly and broke the eye connection feeling uncomfortable.

''Good, good. Now Sirius i heard you had something you wanted to speak with me about before we hold the meeting?''

''Letters has been disappearing during the summer, neither me or remus nor Harry has been able to communicate during his stay at Dursleys and we would like to know why.'' Sirius said sternly.

''Oh my! Maybe it is the death eaters!'' Mrs. Weasley complied in concern.

''Not likely, if it were them they more than likely would have already captured Harry.'' Remus answered logically as he sipped his tea.

''But the blood war-'' Mrs. Weasley tried to reason but was cut off.

''-, Only keeps you- know- who from entering, not the death eaters, and i haven't received any knowledge about the boys whereabouts from them so it simply isn't the dark lords doing.'' Severus answered feeling fed up with the woman, like usual.

''Thank you, Severus for summing that up, now no need to fret my dear all will be explained.'' Dumbledore said, gaining all the attention.

''Seeing that the dark lord has gained more power during last year i felt that it would be in Harrys best interest to stay unknowing, and there for not to be in contact with the magical society, which includes..friends.'' Dumbledore explained.

Severus noticed Harrys silence and found him hiding his expression under his bangs, making him unnoticeable for now.

''You did what?! Without informing any of us?!'' Remus yelled while slamming his fists into the table.

''You had no right to do this!'' Sirius complied right after Remus, equalling his anger.

''I did what i thought best for the boy, surly you wouldn't want to risk end-'' Dumbledore was cut of when Harry finally himself stood up and knocked his chair down.

''..could you please, for the love of merlin just shut. the. fuck. up.'' Harry snarled in anger, all eyes turned towards Harry in shock at the language used while speaking to the headmaster.

''I've always done what you've asked of me, always felt guilty for all the times i've tried standing up for myself, and for what? To be held in the dark while expected to defeat a wizard with far more knowledge than i could ever gain, for time after time being manipulated to sacrifice myself for the greater good, to be forced to only you to rely on and always be disappointed?,'' Harry finally met the headmaster eyes at the end.

The atmosphere where tense and held Sirius, Remus and Severus intrigued for Harry to keep going while the headmaster wanted him to sit down and be quiet.

''Harry, you know i've only done everything i can to keep you saf-'' He was once more cut of by the now hysterical teen.

''Don't you dare! Don't you dare say it was to keep me safe! I was never safe! I only listened to you 'cause i didn't want to endanger someone else but clearly they would have been far more safe not listening to you!'' Harry now lectured the headmaster and he frightened himself a bit with the anger he felt.

Dumbledore now stood up himself and glared toward the teen. This was not going according to plan.. he shouldn't be this independent..

''Harry? what do you mean..'' Sirius softly asked in a quiet voice not daring himself to ask louder, he was now worried and concerned as he watched his godson on the brim of tears conversing with the headmaster.

''He doesn't mean anything! He is just confused right Harry? now why don't just sit down _boy_?'' Dumbledore asked the question in such a way that he had only heard his uncle ask and stumbled backwards to obey but righted himself and now fully glared towards the headmaster.

''You knew all this time?'' Harry asked as his huge emerald orbs showed betrayal, anger, sadness, confusion and a lot of other emotions.

Dumbledore didn't answer but by the silence Harry had received the answer was crystal clear..

He knew.

**A/N:** Thank you for reading and i'll be sure to update the story shortly. Now it may take a week, a month.. a year? But know this, i will always return.

I've been planning to update the story once a week more or less but it all depends on my spare time since i'm currently going though my last year of high school battling both sickness while trying to graduate.

If you have any thoughts, questions or concerns feel free to contact me by either leaving a review or by sending a **PM**.

-, See you next time gorgeous ~


	2. I think i'm falling

**A/N:** Long time babes! I'm sorry for the slight hiatus, I haven't really felt like writing even though i have had my own share of inspiration. Well at least i'm posting again, if slowly is anything to be happy about..

Hope you like the chapter and as usual, This story will most likely contain grammar mistakes and miss usage of the english language in terms of spelling. - and i apologise in beforehand.

**Disclaimers:** i don't own the original movies/books or the characters overall only the plot and the OCC-..ness?

- also this is a male x male fic, though i don't understand why you would have thought differently..

**Parings:** Harry Potter x Severus Snape

**Learning to love - Chapter 2, -/ I think i'm falling**

Harry was breathing heavily through his nose trying to calm himself. Dumbledore knew all this long what was going on in the household of his relatives. The years of constant struggles and solitude was always brushed aside and he had trusted the man who had done nothing to get him away from it.

''Fuck you.'' The silence thickened ten folds by Harrys short statement. The order members looked shocked while Dumbledores face was turning red in anger. Harry was about to leave the room but was stopped when a spell shot him into the wall making the whole room shoot up in action.

''Ow..'' Harry said as he rubbed his sore head and shoulders that had been the first thing to hit the wall. Looking up, he saw the twins sitting by his sides with worried looks upon their features as they asked him if he was okay. Harry ignored them in favour to see who it was that had sent him into the wall. He was shocked to see that the headmaster now had 3 different wands pointed at his person.

''What's going on?!'' Sirius asked as he felt confused. The last couple of minutes had been life changing for him. Dumbledore obviously knew something that hurt Harry gravely and now sent him into the wall? No one would hurt his pup and get away with it no matter what position in the society you had.

Severus was looking between Dumbledore and Harry who sat on the floor looking both offended and anxiously confused. What had Harry mediated with those two simple words that was filled with such venom that even he himself dreaded the answer to the situation.

Dumbledore hadn't said a word but was glaring at the boy sitting on the floor. Harry though was getting himself of the floor on unsteady feet. The Weasley boys was by his side at all time, ready to catch Harry if needed. They were concerned and awed at how strong and independent Harry was while also being so fragile and insecure.

''You think that will stop me from leaving?'' Harry asked unimpressed, which he knew aggravated the old headmaster. Harry was supposed to be his little pawn, his little treasure and now he was acting up? Dumbledore had been blinded with anger and acted without thinking and now he stood here, without an excuse against their questions. The silences was thick enough to be cut with a sharp object, still Dumbledore didn't utter a word.

The wand welders stood their ground, waiting for an explanation to the rough act against the minor wizard they cared so much about.

''We're waiting for an explanation _sir_.'' Severus snared for good measure. He noticed the slight panicking gaze the headmasters eyes held beneath the heavy glare.

''There is far to many unnecessary questions that needn't to be answered, I admit I let my anger get in the way of my more collected judgment but i'd be more interested to know the reason for such hostility. Harry, care to explain?'' Dumbledore shot Harry a challenging glance.

Harry was momentarily overwhelmed by the old coots way of manipulating the situation. Now instead of focusing their attention towards the headmaster they were now all focused on him.

''Bastard! You know full well what you've done! You left me there, you knew all along how i was treated and did nothing! And year after year of listening to your lies you have the nerve to act as if you're not at fault?'' Harry was fuming as he looked desperate to find even an ounce of sorrow in the twinkling eyes that he hated oh so much.

''Now my boy I wouldn't go that far. Instead of victimising yourself and casting the blame on m-'' Dumbledore was interrupted when Remus hit the old wizard square in the jaw.

''Don't try to demean my cub! Something is obviously wrong and you have a part of it and you will not try to change the topic around! I want to know what's going on and i want the truth, now!'' Remus had had enough. Harry, his cub, was hurt both physically and mentally and there had been far to many signs of the meddling old fools actions in all of it.

Before Dumbledore even had the chance to try and defend himself Harry removed his shirt. The silent gasps and cries of horror was enough for Harry to know that Dumbledore wouldn't be able to defend himself; not when he hadn't shown an ounce of surprise, which didn't go unnoticed for anyone.

Harrys stomach and back was littered with scars and words carved in to the skin. The word freak was carved onto his chest, the word waste was sliced onto his upper left arm and other than that there were different sized scars from either a knife or battle wounds.

''Cub..'' Remus voice croaked, there were no way the scars were self inflicted and all of the earlier questions was answered by that brave act. As Harry pulled on his shirt again he refused to meet anyones eyes except for Dumbledores fuming once.

''Your move old coot.'' Harry said with as much energy as he had left, he wasn't about to show his weakened state.

Dumbledore didn't get the chance to even catch his breath when he got kicked to the ground by no one other than Severus Snape.

''You sicken me.'' He said as he moved in front of the young man he'd done wrong for such a long time.

''I'm contacting the ministry!'' Sirius stated as he moved towards the fireplace, unfortunately they weren't quick enough to defend themselves against a strong wind spell that made them all tumble to the floor as a tall white beard wizard stood in a rough appearance glaring insanely against them all.

''Fools! You've compromised our victory by listening to an attention starved teenager. I didn't want it to come down to this but you leave me no choice! Obli-'' Before Dumbledore was able to complete his mind altering spell he got pushed to the side by Severus but before the potion master could spellbound him he apparated away.

''Damn it!'' Severus cursed before looking around the room.

The Weasley woman had left with her useless husband as soon as Harry flew towards the wall. If he was aloud to he'd guess they had taken the reminder of their kids with them, including Granger. The table and chairs had been knocked over together with the rest of the them but no one seemed to be hurt.

Harry sat with his head against the wall with his eyes closed. His expression seemed pained and haunted and from experience himself, he knew Harry had much more hidden behind his facade.

''Harry? Pup? .. are you okay?'' Sirius casually asked as he kneeled beside him softly caressing his arm, trying to comfort him without entering Harrys personal space to much. Harry signed, he didn't want to be pitied, he wanted to be helped, he wanted the help years ago but now.. now that he'd been abused and left to rot he didn't want anyone to know how weak he could be, how weak he actually was behind his mask of courage.

''No, but i will be.'' Harry said and smiled reassuringly at his godfather, he was exhausted and closed his eyes once more. Without opening his eyes he knew they were looking at him.

''You know, we should probably clean up in here.'' Remus released soft chuckles to the statement, leave it to his cub to ease the tension.

''Harry we need to-'' Sirius wanted to continue the talk instead of sidetracking it.

''No! No we don't!'' Harry said and his tone was final, he didn't want to keep on discussing the matter.

''Harry-'' Sirius was cut of when Harry suddenly stood up and left the room, leaving behind a stunned Sirius.

Sirius felt like he had failed as a godfather, as a friend. He had missed all the signs that was so obvious when thinking about it. He shouldn't be aloud to have such a precious child in his care but he wasn't about to give up. Harry deserved far to much than he could ever give him but he would try, he would give his pup the love he craved, the love he hadn't been receiving.

''Good job, mutt.'' Severus said sarcastically. If it was one thing he knew it was that abused victims didn't like it was pressure. Harry had just come out with a huge part of his life, trusting them to help him, to save him from the clutches of darkness that haunted his every living hour.

Severus didn't know when he had started refereeing the Potter spawn as Harry, maybe it was when he'd seen Harry as Harry instead of James. Harry was now 15 and in just a few days he'd turn 16 teen, the legal age of a wizard was 17 teen but despite that... It excited Severus for some reason, Harry would soon no longer be a child but turn into a man. But despite the knowledge he didn't understand his affectionate behaviour towards the teen. Harry was very beautiful for a boy, had soft features and large eyes. His unruly hair was charming in a sense and made him look youthful and playful. Severus thinks that what made them all miss Harrys abuse was because of Harry. His heart was so pure and selfless, such courage and kindness wasn't given so freely by abused victims. But then again Harry had always been a bit different.

''Shut up! I don't see anyone else trying to help with the situation! He's been abused for god sake and were just standing here like useless adults!'' Sirius was on the brim of tears in frustration. He didn't know what to do, he had never had a child and not by far ever even considered an abused one.

''Harry doesn't need you to fuss over him! He need someone strong, that he can deepened on. You need to be the shoulder he cries on and not the other way around!'' Severus understood the mutts frustration but for Severus to get closer to his knew victim of affection he needed Sirius to act the part of a father.

''But what if he won't talk to me?!'' Sirius was grasping onto every advice he got from old school rival.

''Harry will come to you when he is ready, you can't pressure him, otherwise he will just shut you out.'' Severus decided to not insult the man at the moment, he knew when he shouldn't aggravate someone and right now was not the moment to amuse himself.

Sirius nodded in understanding and started to fix the chairs as he was deep in thought. Remus and Severus decided to not say anything until Sirius was drawn out from his thoughts. They needed him to act grown up for Harrys sake.

''Thank you Severus.'' Remus whispered as he walked passed the dark haired man. Severus didn't say anything but nodded in acknowledgement. The twins had gone after Harry as soon as he'd left the kitchen. They sat on the living room couch laughing at jokes. The twins wanted to cheer their youngest ''brother'' up which warmed his heart.

''You know i'm fine right?'' Harry asked, he didn't want them to worry to much; frowns wasn't becoming on their faces, he wanted them to laugh and look happy.

''Of course! But.. were here if you ever need to talk.'' George said jokingly, with an undertone that said that he meant every single word. Harry nodded and there they sat until the adults decided to grace them with their presence.

Severus noticed that Harry had calmed down but also had some sort of protecting mask that helped him hide some of his discomfort.

''Why don't we all go to bed?, today has been exhausting enough and i think we all need to process the new information.'' Harry shook his head at his godfathers tackless behaviour. He knew Sirius hadn't meant to offend but nonetheless it hurt.

''Yeah, well goodnight.'' Harry said as he went up the stairs to find his room. Remus had pointed out that he would be sleeping with Ron so he just had to find the cuddly canon printed pillows to know where it was.

Remus was pinching his nose bridge while Sirius looked shocked and confused. They all relaxed as they heard a soft chuckling noise from upstairs, seemed to them that Harry was going to be fine; he just needed time.

**A/N**: Hi! So what do you think? Personally, i think i lost track of where i was taking the story and just felt like i needed it to end... Maybe next chapter will save the story..

If you have any thoughts, questions or concerns feel free to contact me by either leaving a review or by sending a **PM**.

-, See you next time gorgeous ~


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