1. Chapter 1

He leaned against a large tree in her front yard, his favorite place to sit and watch. He sighed watching his goddess lean out her window, her honey blonde hair moving across her face against the wind. It'd been a while since he had the pleasure of being able to look at her face and it felt like even longer. The bruises and scratches across his body still stung from the trials he went through…for her. He knew it was a long shot that she would ever except him again or even be able to look at him, but standing in her front yard staring at her he held a little bit of hope in his heart and newly created soul. She slowly slid away from the window and escaped his view. Standing there in the night his mind flashed back to that awful day in the bathroom. He could hear her screams of fright and agony as he watched himself try to take her over. All he wanted was to yank himself back and stop it, but he knew it wasn't possible. He had made an unforgivable mistake and if she would ever even be able to accept him for it he would kiss the ground she walked on. _Not like I wouldn't already, _he thought to himself and a small, quiet chuckle escaped his lips. He sighed and added a cigarette butt to the large collection piling up around him. She would know he was here, he knew that but he couldn't help but get a glance at her after all this time. Not sure how he was going to be able to talk to her or any of the scoobies for that matter, he left his loves house and turned down the street. He headed to his new home, a crypt in a different party of the cemetery. He knew it was only a matter of time before she realized he was back and where he was, but was hoping that the new place would take her at least a little longer to find.

His crypt wasn't anything like it used to be, but it managed enough for him. There was no basement for him to escape to anymore but the crypt as a whole was larger. The furniture wasn't as shabby or torn as it used to be either. He sat down on the couch that he had stolen a few days before he arrived and turned on a little bit of _Passions _to try and let his mind escape the thoughts of his slayer. Instead his mind escaped him again and flashed back to a time where he was angry, hurt and had found comfort from a certain vengeance demon, once again he wished he could pull himself away and could have stopped this all from ever happening. The scene of him on top of the table with Anya was enough for him to want to break down and cry. _That bitch…that bitch if it wasn't for her being there…this could have been stopped…I wouldn't have to hide like some nancy boy in her front yard._ These thoughts kept going through his head late into the morning until he eventually fell asleep without even bothering to turn off his tv…

Stretching her arms wide above her head as she woke up she let out a loud sigh. She had been getting much more sleep since that vampire had left town, but he still haunted her dreams. There were the dreams she enjoyed where he would take her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her and how much he wished that she loved him too. Then..she had those dreams, much like the night of the bathroom, where all she saw was the demon in him and watched as he killed the people around her that she loved..but the dream always ended right as he was coming towards her. Last night had been a mixture of both. She gathered her silky hair up into a bun and walked down into the kitchen to see Dawn preparing, or trying to prepare anyways, some pancakes and bacon. She gave her sister an encouraging grin as she sat down at the kitchen table next to Willow. Not much had been going on the last few months except for the usual vampires and a few rather troublesome demons, but nothing that they couldn't handle of course. The three of them ate their breakfast in silence, a usual thing these days, before separating to do their own plans for the day. Willow was going shopping for Xander's birthday coming up and Dawn had decided to go with her. Buffy not feeling like having any company, another usual thing lately, elected to do the grocery shopping and then have a walk around the town. Before getting started on the grocery's Buffy decided to sit down and watch some news on the tv. Everything on the news seemed usual some stolen furniture, a few disappearances, strange deaths and all. Buffy sighed and laid her head down on the couch thinking to herself how much time she seemed to have on her hands now that she wasn't sneaking around with a certain vampire…

Disclaimer: Don't own anything of Buffy.


	2. Chapter 2

She rose from the couch with a small groan, it was nearly noon and she hadn't planned on falling asleep. Crawling upstairs and slowly getting herself dressed, she went down the stairs to grab the money from the "food jar". She sighed…money was running tight still and the money here, though it was supposed to last the month, would probably last a week. She shoved the money into her pocket and headed out the door. Shielding her eyes against the blinding sun she moved her way slowly down the porch steps. She was half way to the sidewalk when something laying on the ground by their large tree made her freeze. She felt her hands start to shake as she walked slowly over to the tree, not really sure if she was ready to see what she already knew was there. Only confirming it she picked up a few cigarette butts off of the ground. A tear crept from her eye as her mind flashed back to a night in a falling down building. A wave of anger and passion washed over her as she saw herself being thrust against a wall. Hating herself and at the same time knowing what was displaying in front of her was everything that she had needed. Her mind brought her back to the present time the cigarette butts covered in dirt still laid across her palm. Still shaking she shoved them in her pocket, "Holy shit…" she said to herself in a whisper before running back into the house.

"Willow…please come home…I need to talk to you it's important….can't you miss this class just once..ok..thank you Will, it means a lot to me. K' see you when you get here." Buffy hung the phone up on the wall before laying down on the couch. Placing a pillow over her head was not enough to cover the scream that erupted from her lips. She sat herself up and hugged the pillow to her body as the moisture started to creep slowly little by little from her eyes. _God...what am I going to do…what if he try's to_ convince_ me that he loves me again…why…why can I hate everything about him and still feel a sting of relief that he is back?_. These thoughts continuously ran through her head until she heard the door shut loudly, snapping her out of the trance she was in. Willow coming in and seeing her friend puffy eyed and more scared then she had seen her in a long time, she needed no explanation for now and hurried to her friends' side to embrace her in a tight hug.

"Buffy...hun, I'm sorry if I would have known it was this bad I would have been here sooner.." Willow said, offering words of comfort to her close friend trembling beneath her. "Sweetie...can you tell me what has gotten you so worked up?"

"He….he's back.." Buffy slowly choked out in a hoarse voice so unlike her own. Shaking, her hands reached into her pocket to pull out the butts from on the ground. She dropped them into Willows' outstretched hand. Willow didn't say a word; sat there in silence for a moment…she understood only too well how Buffy felt now. The reason for her depression and habit of wanting to be alone had returned. The hope of being able to get over the trama of what had happened had just floated through the window. Willow gently placed her hand over her best friends' and a small smile crept to her lips.

"Buffy…it'll be ok, we'll get the rest of the scoobies on tracking him down and running him out of town before he can even get to your front porch again." She said with a reassuring smirk played across her face. Buffy imitated this mainly for show, she knew it wasn't the truth and he would probably return again, the thought of him standing there against his tree was enough to make a shiver run down her spine.

"Will...I…I think I am going to try to go and rest for a while..ya know get this all off of my mind." Willow nodded and watched Buffy ascend the stairs before running into the kitchen to make a few phone calls…

He awoke in his empty crypt; it was quiet as it had always been since he had returned except for the background noise coming from the television. He could tell from the creases around the door that the sun had not yet gone down and he still had a few hours before he could do anything. He lazily strode over to the fridge to grab a package of pigs blood, _Almost out…have to run down to the deli at sundown and stock up…_, he thought to himself. He sighed, trying to figure out how he could possibly miss the annoying gang of scoobies. They may have gotten on his nerves and treated him like something they stepped in and couldn't get rid of but, they were at least better to have a conversation with then himself. Surprising, even to himself, he suddenly was filled with anger and threw a punch filled with fury at the wall. Looking down at the blood dripping from his hand he let out a small chuckle. He wasn't shocked at how much it relieved him…after everything he had went through, the punch felt like he had just stubbed his toe. In the months he had been away his body had hardened and pain was more or less meaningless to him now…physical pain anyways.

His mind focused itself on the slayer…he imagined a night at the bronze and how simple everything had been then. He had always known she was just using him and the sex had never been the part he and enjoyed the most. He loved the closeness that they had when she wanted him, when he could smell her intoxicating scent, run his fingers through her silky hair, and… that hunger she held in her eyes when she would kick his door in and rush over to him. Every once in a while she would approach him angrily and more than likely punch him full in the face but, he grew used to it and in turn grew to love that about her too. Her passion and fury were two of the things that excited him the most about her, it amazed him how someone burdened with so much could possibly still have that much strength in her. A small smirk crept across his face…_If only she knew how much I love her…how much I need her. Maybe then she would understand why I have come back, why I can't just leave…_. A few more dents into the wall he slowly started pacing the length of the crypt, waiting for the sun to fall….

Let me know what your thinking! Any suggestions to what you would like to happen give me some ideas! Thank you


	3. Chapter 3

The bag filled with pig blood was clenched tightly in his hand as he strolled down the street of Sunnydale. It never seemed to change to him, the streets were always silent and he rarely came across another traveler on the low lighted streets. Spike made his way down a small alley and came out in the graveyard. He was half way to his crypt when he felt someone following from behind, he turned sharply ready to leap if it was an attacker, who he saw standing before him made him lower his fists slowly and freeze. Willow stood before him the fury in her eyes only magnified by her brilliantly red hair. She wasted no time in approaching the stunned vampire, pulling her fist back she punched him full in the face, this was a reaction he had expected but not from the kind, shy witch he had known before he left.

"What in the bloody hell!" Spike yelled holding his nose.

"You've got some damn nerve you know that! How dare you come back after what you did to her! You sick..disgusting..damn near no good excuse for a vampire!" She screamed at him throwing punches. The fury and rage in her voice was enough to stop Spike from even trying to deflect her blows. He stood there as still as a statue and took every hit the young witch in front of him had to offer. Eventually after seeing he wasn't even moving she relaxed, her breath ragged and broken from using every inch of force she had. Her anger only rose as she watched that the blows had no effect on him.

"Spike…Spike….Spike!" She nearly screamed at the top of her lungs trying to command his attention. He shook his head slightly and looked down at her, tears beginning to flood his eyes. Willow was taken back by this sudden flood of emotion coming from the vampire standing before her. _This isn't Spike…what happened to him…_she thought as she watched him break down and fall on his knees.

"All I want to know Spike…is why, I mean how could you do that to her…after everything she has been through, after how much you claimed to love her. That was not love Spike that was the…the lowest thing I have ever seen anyone do…and I have seen a lot of low things…" She broke off, letting him assess the things she was saying to him. It made her jump a little to hear the hoarseness of his voice and the hurt behind it.

"I never…never meant for that to happen, Willow you have to believe me..if I could take that night back…I would give anyth.." He tried to explain Willow cut him off midsentence.

"But you can't Spike…you can't undo what you did. I don't even understand why you came back…you have that woman scared out of her damn mind of just the thought of you being back here." Willow watched a flash of pain and guilt in the vampire's eyes but continued. "I have never seen her shaken up like that...except for…that night." She left her sentence there not wanting to hurt him more than she already had…he may be a sad excuse for a demon but…he could still feel pain, just as much as Buffy and she understood that…how it felt to lose someone. A single tear ran down her cheek thinking of her lover, she shook it away trying to focus on the scene in front of her.

Spike rose to his feet to stand in front of her. "Willow…I want to tell you something…please you have to listen its very important and…don't tell Buffy..not yet. Ok?" Willow was a little stunned by the question but silently nodded her head and sat down across from him on one of the gravestones….

Dawn opened the front door, setting her things down she walked into the living room. She jumped slightly seeing Buffy sitting on the couch, usually her sister was gone somewhere by now or up in her room. She walked slowly into the living room standing at the edge of the couch.

"Buff…is it alright if I join you?" she said, fumbling with her fingers waiting for a response from her sister. Buffy moved her head to look upside down at her sister. She let a small smile play across her lips.

"Of course Dawnie…you shouldn't have to ask." Dawn moved quickly to sit next to her sister on their small couch. Buffy wrapped herself tighter in her blanket and focused on the tv again. Dawn not missing the puffiness underneath her sister's eyes moved to sit closer to her. Dawn shifting over caught Buffy's attention and looked at her sister full in the face. She saw the worry in Dawn's eyes and knew the questions were about to start flooding in.

"Buffy, are you ok? Don't even lie to me and say you are, I am your sister you can tell me anything." Buffy shifted uncomfortably before looking away from her sister.

"Dawn I…" Dawn broke off her speech angrily.

"No! There is no Dawn nothing, when are you going to realize that I am not a child anymore Buffy! That I don't observe everything that everyone else around you does. Why can't you just confide in your own sister…" Shocking Buffy more than she thought was possible, Buffy began to stammer slightly.

"Um...ok Dawnie, you remember about 7 months ago…when..when.." Buffy couldn't bring herself to say anything but looking at Dawn she could tell her sister could see right threw her and knew what she was talking about. Buffy began again. " Yeah…so I just found out this morning that…well he is back…and I don't know why…but part of me is scared to death and part of me is relieved to know he is ok…I don't understand why he could have done that to me…after everything that he did…I still worried about him…" Her sentence started to break as the tears started to roll down from her eyes. Dawn stared at her sister in amazement…her jaw dropped slightly finally understanding how her sister felt. "Dawn what…what is it your making me nervous…"

"Buffy…I just realized something, something that is actually really hard to comprehend….you loved him…."


	4. Chapter 4

"Wow…I mean…wow..." Willow sat on the edge of the tombstone not being able to help the fact that her jaw felt like it was too the ground. Spike waited for her to say more, relieved that he was finally able to share his fortune with someone other than himself. Willow stared at the vampire she though she knew so well with an air of amazement and some level of respect. "So…you really did all of that, all of those trials, just to try and get to a point where Buffy would accept you again?" Spike said nothing as he looked down at the ground and gave a slight nod. "Spike…I don't think I will ever be able to forgive you for what you did to her…but…I truly am sorry." He looked at her in confusion and to his amazement she leapt up and embraced him in a hug. "I can't tell you how Buffy feels…I know you want to know but the truth is, is that ever since that happened well…Buffy isn't exactly Buffy anymore." Willow said with sad eyes looking up at the vampire, she let out an exaggerated sigh, "Goodbye Spike, I hope everything goes alright for you…" with that she walked around the vampire and made her way back into town. Spike sat down, not really sure how he should feel, part of him was happy that he had finally told someone and the other felt terrible realizing that Buffy wasn't the same after he had left. He tried to imagine her before that day, well really before anything with them had ever occurred. He pictured her bright smile and excitement, and the way she walked into the room and everyone around her suddenly had a smile across their faces. He thought mostly about the first time he had seen her, the way she moved on the dance floor. Her style of dancing was unique, it was seductive and drew everyone's eyes to her but at the same time she appeared lonely, her eyes closed, as if no one else in the room was really there. He wandered the cemetery for a long time imagining her in every way possible. Eventually he stumbled across his crypt and walked in to sit on the couch. He moved to turn on the television but decided he didn't feel like watching _Passions_ for once, all he wanted to do was lie down and think of his slayer…

"Are you out of your mind! I mean my goodness I finally give you a chance to listen to how I feel like an adult and that is the result you come up with!" Buffy fumed pacing the room before sitting in the recliner with a huff.

"Well Buff, I mean come on isn't it obvious. The way you talk about him, how you can't forget about him and even after what he did you _still_ worry about him. I may be younger than you but you can't see that misty look that is in your eyes whenever you talk about him or someone even mentions his name! Don't tell me you don't love him, you always said it was so wrong to love him or even care about him, you call him an animal, the truth is Buffy you just don't want to admit how you feel! Tell me right now how could you date Angel and that be fine but now that Spike is here the rules change completely." Dawn breathed hard trying to catch her breath, she looked at the expression on her sister's face not really sure what to make of it. Buffy took a deep breath and simply replied.

"Angel had a soul…Spike doesn't, he is just a monster." She folded her arms and saw the temper rising in her sister's eyes.

"Don't even feed me that _Angel had a soul_ bullshit! Look at the bigger picture Buffy, yeah Spike doesn't have a soul, but he loves you…more than guy that has ever even tried to be with you. Remember how Angel was without his soul…that is what a vampire is…that was a monster. How can you even compare Angel to Spike, Angel is good because now he has a support system…his soul. Tell me this Buffy, what is the reason Spike has to be good huh? There is none, he behaves now and loves you without even needing a soul. He was there for you through everything always willing to be there for you even when you just needed to beat the shit out of something! Don't ever call Spike a monster, because _both_ of us know that, that just isn't true." Dawn left her sister to think about what she said and ran upstairs to her room. She hadn't meant to yell at Buffy like that but she knew in the long run it was the right thing to do.

Buffy sat downstairs not even bothering to respond to the door opening, Willow walked in from outside, about to go into the kitchen, when she noticed Buffy sitting in the chair, not moving. Willow ran to her friend and kneeled in front of her.

"Buff…are you ok?" She asked, concerned for her best friend.

A single tear ran down her friends cheek as she looked down at Willow.

"She is right Willow….She's right."


	5. Chapter 5

Willow stood in the hallway staring at her teary eyed friend confused.

"What do you mean 'she is right', Dawn…what did you do now?" Willow said with an accusing glare and arms folded.

Dawn sat relaxed and kicked her legs up onto the table and glared back, "I haven't done anything I simply told her the truth…she loves Spike." She gave herself a smug little smile before looking back at her sister concerned, she was reaching near convulsions. "Buff…come on it's not that bad, calm down it will be ok." She crossed the room to her sister and placed a comforting arm around her.

Buffy moved into her sister's embrace and slowly began to slow her breathing. "It's…it's just that…I mean come on!" she stammered not sure how to get the right words out. "This is a big deal! How can I honestly be in love with Spike, and after everything he has done to me I can't believe this…" She sat there the tears finally leaving her eyes. Willow stood uncomfortable at the edge of the hallway before slowly sliding onto the floor in front of Buffy.

"Buff…I think there is something you need to know about Spike…" She said lowering her head a little. Buffy scrunched her eyebrows in confusion.

"What do you mean, and why do you look so nervous it can't be as bad as my new found love." Buffy attempted at a chuckle.

Willow shook her head and looked up at Buffy. "No its not bad, I just…it's gonna be a shocker." Buffy nodded waiting for her to continue the curiosity beginning to burn in her eyes. "Buff…seems our little pal Spike went off and got himself a soul…" Willow looked into her friends eyes to see what Buffy was feeling, there was a look of shock and still burning curiosity. She moved out of her sister's arms, stood up, and walked into the hallway. She came back into the living room with her coat on and looked at Willow with a blank expression.

"Where is he Will…"

Willow didn't ask questions seeing the determination in her eyes. "The old cemetery, the biggest crypt they got…"Willow chuckled a little. "Figures Spike has to go overboard with everything…" Willow cleared her throat, she looked up to say goodbye to Buffy, but she was already gone….

Spike awoke on the coach, somewhere in thinking about his Slayer he had fallen into a dream. It didn't surprise him everything about her was like a dream to him. He grabbed a bag of pig's blood out of the fridge and drank until he felt satisfied. Looking around his crypt he realized how alone he really was. It was really beginning to amaze him how much extra time he had on his hands. He couldn't really go anywhere, his whole life had basically in some way or another revolved around the gang. He chuckled a little to himself thinking _never even liked them and they were the biggest part of the day._ Tired of sitting and waiting for Buffy he decided it was finally time to go find her, preparing himself for the biggest beating of his life he walked out of his crypt door.

He had only made it about a block before he saw her…walking towards him at a fast pace, it almost looked like she was crying. Spike froze where he stood, feeling like he was cemented to the sidewalk. The closer she got made him feel like his heart was beating again and racing rapidly. She stood a few steps away from him and stared at his face, not able to make out her expression he lowered his face to the ground. He felt a hand come underneath his chin and pull his face up to stare into her eyes. He was held in a trance until he felt a sharp blow to the side of his face.

"That was for Anya…"She said in the fiery tone that he had missed so much, making everything worth it. She flew her fist again into the other side of his face, "That was for leaving." Another blow to his stomach sent him to the ground. "That was for the bathroom…" Spike stood up with his head to the ground, like a child being scolded. "And…" He heard the hesitation in her voice, making him look up as her tone went from fierce to soft.

Staring into his blue eyes she couldn't hold it back any longer. "And…this is for what you did for me and for you coming back…" Buffy hesistated for only a moment before pulling his face to hers, kissing him softly but with an edge of passion.

It took a moment for Spike to comprehend what was happening before responding to her and pulling her closer to embrace her. He felt like he was in a dream and was about to wake up, the feel of her lips, the smell of her hair…it was all too good to be true. Buffy pulled away slowly with a small nervous small across her face.

Spike gave her his famous smirk and the only think he could manage to say was… "Hello Luv."


	6. Chapter 6

Buffy felt like her heart had just exploded; she never realized how amazingly gentle his voice sounded and how much she had missed it. They stood there, lost staring into each other's eyes as a few people across the street walking by turned to stare. Spike raised a hand to brush her honey blonde hair away from her face, he let his hand run a line across her cheek before letting it fall to embrace her in his arms again.  
"So um…that wasn't what I was expecting." Spike smirked a little. "I mean the kissing…not the beating I knew that was coming." Spike chuckled and Buffy let a smile spread wide across her face. It had been so long since he had seen her truly smile and it was the most beautiful thing in the world to him. "You really should smile more often luv, it makes you look ten times more amazing then you already are." Spike admitted letting his eyes admire her facial features.

"Well….i guess now I will have a little more to smile about, that is of course if your planning on staying." Buffy said, the smile leaving her face immediately at the thought." Spike cupped her face in his hands and pulled her face to make sure she was staring into his eyes.

"Buffy…I will never leave again, until the day you tell me you want me to leave town again, I'm stuck in good old Sunnydale." A genuine smile spread across his face, she pulled out of his embrace and stood there hugging her arms tight to herself. "So…you wanna walk and talk a lil' or you gotta go back to Dawn?" Spike said, his arms shoved into his pockets.

Buffy rocked back and forth on her feet for a moment, "I think I can spare a little time." She said softly, Spike put out his hand and Buffy placed hers inside of it as they began to walk down the street.

"So…What have the Scooby Gang been up to while I was away…"

Willow sat in the kitchen watching Dawn make herself a quick meal of macaroni & cheese, while Willow sat fiddling with her cup of coffee.

"So….you think Buffy really went off and found him…she probably just ended up beating the crap out of him again, she likes to do that…" Dawn paused to stir her noodles.

"I can honestly say that I have no idea what is going on, and trust me Dawnie it is driving me as nuts as it is drive you, but…Buffy will make the right decision, we both know that." Dawn nodded in agreement, making two bowls of food and setting one in front of Willow and herself. They ate in silence, both wondering when Buffy was going to walk through the door. Willow volunteered to do dishes since Dawn had cooked and half way through she heard the front door open and then close.

Willow stopped doing the dishes, wiped her hands, and went into the hallway to greet Buffy, the last thing she expected was to see the bleach blonde vampire standing next to her and both of them laughing as if they were old friends. Willow cleared her throat a little and Buffy and Spike turned to look at her. Spike nodded in her direction and Buffy gave her a smile and that was the only reassurance Willow needed.

"So, I take it everything is wonderful and sunny with you two again." Willow said returning Buffy's smile and Spike's nod.

"Well, I don't know about the whole sun thing pet, but things are definitely getting along better than before." Spike chuckled.


End file.
