Glee Cancer

She had started visiting him at least once a day now. It used to be only a couple times a week, but he'd text more frequently now with messages that sounded more urgent. He'd text her all the time…telling her how hot the nurse was or how everyone in staff couldn't keep their eyes off him. Stupid things she knew weren't true but let him get away with because it was one of the few things that made the pain forgettable and made him less negative about everything. Among their pointless banter he would eventually ask her to come and visit. She certainly didn't mind the daily visits or the 30 minute car ride, especially because he had stopped coming to school and stayed at the hospital 24/7 now. There was no other time she had a chance to see him, even if she drove 30 minutes every day it was worth it. He was worth it.

Lately though, through different medicines and treatments and unhopeful talks with doctors, he was becoming more and more negative. It always made her visits a bit unnerving, and she would end up having to coax him out of that mindset. It killed her to see him this way.

She had been to this hospital over twenty times in the last month; it had become routine; walking down the same pristine hallways, taking the same marble elevator which took her to the same bustling floor. Two of the nurses who recognize her say hello, and one tells her to try and lift his spirits because he's been cursing and over using the morphine pump again. She nods and goes to Room No. 513, the room he's been staying in for a good month now. She gathers a more optimistic attitude before slowly opening the large wooden door. She peeked her head inside first before quietly slipping in. "Hi Puck." She smiles placing her coat and purse on the counter before walking over to his bedside and taking a seat in her usual lazy boy chair.

He looks over at her, it breaks her heart. His eyes have darker shadows cast beneath them. His face had any sign of life drained from it. He's shirtless dressed only in his boxers, she thanks God for his abs. It's one of the few things that remind him that he's still bad ass. His blanket is pulled up to his neck with only his arms sticking out.

_Turn away…_

"Look away Q, I have to adjust my blanket." He motions to the pair of boxers on the floor. Seems she was wrong about what he was wearing under the blanket.

She looks up from the floor to him smiling, "It's fine Puck, nothing I haven't—" she starts to laugh but he cuts her off.

"Damnit Quinn! Just look away for one second!" he yells followed by a frustrated sigh trying to fix his blanket beneath him. She frowns, doing what she's told and looks out the window. She finds out later that unlike his abs some other parts have become paler, irritated skin, and weaker looking altogether. It killer her that he's embarrassed now, even with her and promises to herself to never bring it up again.

_If you could get me a drink of water cause my lips are chapped and faded…_

The next day when she comes for a visit, he's in better spirits then he was yesterday. She knows because he makes a comment about her ass. It brings a smile to her lips, these comments became rarer and she missed them dearly. They're laying on the bed next to each other watching some Discovery channel show on TV, when he asks "Hey Q, can you get me a cup of water from the pitcher?" he points over to the side table with a pink pitcher and Styrofoam cups. She nods sliding out of the hospital bed.

She comes back to the bed climbing in next to him giving him a quick kiss on the lips before handing him his cup of water. She notices that they're dry and cold. It's something she wouldn't have probably noticed if his lips hadn't always been so wonderful to her in the past. She picks her head up and sees they've also lost the color along with the rest of the life in his face. It was nearly gone.

She gives him a small smile, one that took great effort to form before handing him his water and resting her head on his chest again. She missed him.

_Call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things, and bury me in all my favorite colors, my sisters and my brothers still…_

It's Friday, and she headed straight from school to the hospital. He hadn't said much since she got there and she hated the silence. "Where's your mom today?" she asks hoping to get him talking somehow. The doctors had told her it wasn't good for his ongoing depression if he was given too much time to think about it.

"She came this morning but had to leave for something with Sarah." He said briskly flipping through the channels going for round two through them. "The doctors talked to me again today…"

"What did they say?" she asks cautiously, not prepared to hear any more bad news.

"Same stuff they just wanna sugar coat it…but it's got me thinking." He mumbles out quietly.

"Thinking about what?" she asks sitting up in her seat. She didn't want to know, but she needed to know.

"I need you to do some calling. I want you to help my mom gather some of my things too…" he says quietly still in thought.

"Puck…" she warns, she can't bear him talking about it, not for one second and she promises herself to stay strong around him. "That's not going to be necessary." She speaks more firmly now.

"You and I both know it is Quinn! You heard what they said." He says doing some swift motion which wasn't supposed to look like him wiping a tear off his face, but he was a little obvious, Quinn noted. "I want you to be in charge of the whole thing you know?" he says a little calmer now. "I want to be buried in green. It reminds me of your eyes and it's my new favorite color." He says dryly, it was a sweet thing to say and she knew he meant it that way, he just had a hard time lately.

"We don't have to talk about this because you're fine and you're not going anywhere." She says this more to reassure herself but she climbs into bed with him and wraps her arms around him in some sort of embrace. He doesn't say more for the rest of the time she's there.

_I will not kiss you, 'cause the hardest part of this is leaving you…_

She got back from the cafeteria with a brown bag of food for the both of them. Mainly for her because she was starving but he wanted a cookie. She leans over him placing the wrapped cookie on his stomach and leans down to kiss him, but he pushes her away. "Just stop Quinn." He says coldly.

Her face crinkles into a confused expression but she feels like crying. He always wants to kiss her, he had always told her it was the best part of his day. "Wh-what?" she manages to muster out still staring down at him.

"I don't need freaking daily reminders of how I'm not going to be with you anymore! You and your dumb kisses only make this whole thing worse!" he says not removing his eyes off of the TV. She bites her lip to stop herself from breaking down on his bedside. The more negative he gets the harder this whole thing is for her as well.

"Fine, then just stop talking like that…" she frowns sitting down in her chair and pulling out her water bottle to sip on.

_Now turn away, 'cause I'm awful just to see, 'cause all my hairs abandoned all my body, oh my agony._

Quinn and him are watching TV when a nurse comes in for his 'bath'. He had told them many times that he is very much capable of showering himself. They say otherwise. Quinn on instinct hops off the bed and sits in her chair.

"Leave Quinn." He says gruffly. She knows why and just nods her head to leave, she wishes she could let him know that she doesn't care, and still loves him and his body all the same, but she'll tell him later. She comes back in when the nurse gives her the okay to go back in.

"Someone looks clean." She grins kissing his nose. He enjoys her kissing him once again, thankfully for her.

"It's all gone…" he says with eyes glazing over.

"What are you talking about?" she asks sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"All my hair, all of it. I know it's dumb for a dude, but it's all gone down there." He says stiffly still refusing to look at her.

"Well who wants hair down there anyway…" she laughs kissing his forehead. "Plus the hair on your head looks the same again, lightly shaven." She grins which makes him crack a smile which quickly fades.

"I think I need another dose…" he says in quiet panic. "Fuck Quinn get a nurse or something!"

She panics, he never is one to show pain, so when he does it scares the crap out of her. She nods and hurries to the hall to the nurses' station and retrieves one quickly.

_Know that I will never marry, baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo…_

Puck took a trip to a therapist that resided on the second floor of the hospital, so Quinn waited on his bed watching Say Yes To the Dress. An hour later he's back on his bed and she's back in her chair next to him lightly holding his hand, thankfully for her he kept the show on.

"People say it's dumb for people to take their husbands dress shopping for the wedding…" she started but he didn't say anything so she continued. "I think I would want you to come with me…" she said looking over at him. He took in a breath before looking over at her.

"Don't you get it Quinn? I'm never going to get fucking married! We're never going to get married! I'm fucking going to be dead in the next month! And all you can talk about is a future that is NEVER going to happen!"

She took in an unsteady breath, taken off guard. She felt her eyes grow blurry which meant tears were readying themselves. She kept her gaze fixed on his, and she bit her lip hard to keep herself from breaking down.

"I'm, I'm sorry Q, I am it's the damn medicine…" he sighed squeezing her hand before she crawled up next to him hugging him tightly.

_But counting down the days to go, it just ain't living and I just hope you know…_

She came into his room beaming with a foam take out box. She plopped it down on his lap followed by a fork. "I got you some waffles on your way over. You said that the ones here sucked so I thought I'd get you the good ones." She smiled sitting down on her chair.

"The doctor gave me an expiration date this morning." He said with breathing that wasn't steady and words that were choppily spoken.

"You can never go off of those anyway, I remember my aunt had brain cancer, brain cancer. And they told her she only had 3 months to live, and that was 7 years ago and she lives in Arizona now with her dogs." She said tossing the whole phrase out of her mind.

"I don't want to go on longer Quinn. I have awesome things in my life that I wish I didn't so it would make it easier, but the pain and medicine and staying in bed for months at a time…I'm not living anymore, I'm just existing, and you know how I like to live too…this lifestyle really isn't bad ass is it?"

"Puck, I know you feel a lot of pain right now and you've made it this far, I know you can make it longer, we can beat this thing so you CAN live." She says this time with tears falling but she isn't sobbing yet.

"I don't know if I can."

_That if you say, goodbye today, I'd ask you to be true…_

She walks into the hospital room and he's smiling which makes her smile. He looks genuinely happy for the first time in a long time. She sits down on the bed next to him and he grabs her hand and squeezes it gently.

"I love you Quinn a lot. You're one hell of a girl. Best girl I've ever had the pleasure of impregnating, swooning over, and dating. I wouldn't pick anyone else to go through what we've gone through. You've stayed here everyday for the past month and it's the nicest thing anyone has ever done or had the patience for even when I'm yelling at you, you understand and you take it and you shouldn't."

"I love you Puck, but what why are you talking like this?" she asks squeezing his hand tighter. Tears fill her eyes again but she doesn't let them fall yet.

"You shouldn't have to go through this the hurt the pain the drama and the losing of someone you care about. You shouldn't have to do that so I want you to not hurt about this and understand that it's for the best and that right now in the pain and shit I'm going through it needs to happen."

"Puck no." her bottom lip quivers she's nearing a full breakdown but pulls every fiber of her being to not let it go. "We're going to fight this! You're not saying goodbye you're not doing this!"

He gives her a small smile, "I love you, and I want you to find someone who can take care of you, no stupid girly fruity guy. Some really tough handsome guy who can protect you."

"Puck please stop." She says wiping her eyes quickly.

He does and before she leaves for the night he tells her that he meant every word.

_Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you._

She walks in with waffles again in hand since they put him in a better mood last time. She smiles walking in placing her coat and purse on the counter. She rambles about the weather and how it's raining she realizes he's sleeping. She smiles and walks over to him taking his hand with hers and squeezes it gently.

"Puck wake up. It's raining so I opened your curtains AND I have waffles." She said enticingly smiling. "Puck…" she says a little louder. She frowns and shakes his shoulder. "Damnit Puck just get up!" She falls to her knees in front of him. "Puck! Just get up!" she yells now sobbing two nurses come in and one pulls her away while the other goes to get help.

She breaks away from her grasp and wraps her arms around him tightly. "Puck please…"

_Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you._


End file.
