Instant Star 1. Chapter 1

This story takes place three months after Tommy left and Jude is a mess inside but she stays calm and happy on the surface. When Tommy's arrival back in Toronto leads him to Jude's doorstep how will she react?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Instant Star or any of the characters involved.

Her apartment was white on the outside with black shutters and a nice view. On the inside of the apartment the color was dull, all the colors were dull. Her sister Sadie thought maybe that's just what she likes, dull colors, heavy shadows and very little light. Jude had seemed to take Tommy's sudden disappearance rather well. Except for the whole "living in the darkness" thing. On the outside Jude wore a smile everywhere she went, rarely even mentioning the name Tom Quincy if ever. But on the inside she was hurting, really hurting. She had been single ever since Tommy left and she had gone on a few dates initiated by Sadie but she had never seen the guys more than once. Sadie would ask what the problem was with each of the guys but Jude would always give the same response, "Someway, somehow Tommy will come back eventually, but whatever he's doing now he most likely wanted to do, and I can't hold it against him, because….because I love him."

Right at this moment Jude was in her apartment, drinking like usual, and hoping she would have an easier time getting to sleep tonight than the night before. Then something happened that she hadn't expected: the phone rang. It rang and rang until she finally picked it up without even thinking to check the caller I.D and said,

"This is Jude," she heard a deep breathe come from the other end, followed by,

"Well this is Tommy, and I wanted to tell you I'm coming home."

Jude dropped the phone unable to believe that was really happening, she was shocked, she hadn't heard his husky voice in so long and it was still like music to her ears. Then she heard a beeping noise that got louder and louder and louder. It was her alarm clock. She finally came out of her sleep-like comatose, opened her eyes, and realized she was right. It wasn't happening.

Jude got up and headed to the shower still thinking about how real that dream was and how much she wished it were real. She went through the whole morning doing all the normal things she did like dress in ripped jeans, a band tee, and converse sneakers, put on make-up, do her hair, but all the while it was like her body had taken over and her mind was elsewhere. Her mind was always elsewhere, it was always on Tommy. She walked out the door of her apartment, locked it, and turned to see Jamie.

"Jamie! What are you doing here?" she asked with surprise.

"Well I was around the neighborhood and I thought maybe you would want to go to the studio together, maybe talk a little bit."

"I don't really have a lot to talk about James."

"Well have you written any new songs?"

"Yeah I actually wrote a song last night that I really want to go work on with Kwest, so maybe we should get to the studio and if we absolutely have to talk then I guess we could do that too," she said sarcastically.

Jamie put his arm around her shoulders and lead her to his car, "You know I can't stand not talking to you for more than twenty-four hours," he said playfully.

She smiled at how honest that statement was. "Yeah I know, Jamie."

They arrived at G-major within twenty-five minutes which was record timing considering Jude absolutely had to stop for her second cup of morning coffee. Even the simplest thing like getting coffee reminded Jude of how much she missed Tommy and how he knew so much about her and he knew exactly how she liked her coffee. Sometimes he would surprise her at the studio with a fresh cup if he knew she hadn't been able to get one herself. She remembered all those moments like they had just happened.

_Flashback_

"Jude are you finished with that song yet?"

"You know what Kwest perfection takes time and Tommy is not even here yet anyway so what's the rush?"

Without a second more for her to speak someone came up behind her and put a coffee right under her nose where she could smell the fresh scent of French vanilla straight from the coffee shop. She grabbed the coffee from the strangers hand and heard from behind her, "Oh I'm not here yet am I?"

She turned around to see Tommy with a huge smile on his face. She always loved to see Tommy but with the added pleasure of him bringing her a coffee it made seeing him ten times better.

"You are my savior, why do you know me so well?" she said as she hugged him tightly half for bringing her coffee and half because she used every chance she could to be close to him.

"I guess I just do everything I can to make sure your happy because I….I care about you," he said with sincerity in his eyes.

They stayed silent staring at each other when Tommy opened his mouth to say,

"Oh and because I want that song," he said with a flirtatious grin.

She pushed him playfully and sauntered into the sound booth.

_End Flashback_

"Hello, earth to Jude," Kwest said seeing Jude was in a daze.

"Oh sorry Kwest, I came in here to tell you I have a new song and I really want to record it right away!"

"Whoa slow down, you have a new song?"

"Yeah and I want to record it if you're up for it."

"Jude I have been waiting for you to say that for weeks now."

"Well do you want to hear it before I go in there?"

"Jude I know you and I bet the song is great; get your butt in there!"

She smiled and slowly walked into the sound booth immediately seeing the small stool perfectly positioned under the microphone and she sighed to herself.

"Wow, I've missed this place, this feeling, I've missed it all," she whispered to herself. She hadn't really recorded anything serious since Tommy had left and if she recorded anything at all she never finished it. She would get in the studio and begin to sing her true feelings but then she would suddenly stop and claim she had felt ill and Darius would allow her to go home. The truth was Darius knew exactly how much Jude had been hurt and he had taken it easy on her ever since that night. The night her life was unexpectedly turned upside-down.

With that Jude sat down and with Kwest's counts he started the music and she began to sing exactly how she felt.

"**Into The Black"**

_I walk around in circles  
As I go insane.  
The sun shines all around me, on the world, and everybody with somebody,  
while I'm in the rain. _

'Cause it's you that can break me and keep me on my back.  
'Cause it's you that can save me from falling into the black.

The streetlights flash in tempo with my heart that's poundin' although I,  
haven't had a heart for days.  
If I could just be honest, get my feelings off my chest, and on your mind  
I could find the way.

'Cause it's you that can break me and keep me on my back.  
'Cause it's you that can save me from falling into the black.  
Hold me and tell me that everything's gonna be all right.  
And I'll tell you that everything's gonna be alright.

'Cause it's you that can break me and keep me on my back.  
'Cause it's you that can save me from falling into the black.  
you that can break me and keep me on my back.  
'Cause it's you that can save me from falling into the black.  
The black, Hold me and tell me that everything's gonna be all right.  
oh, fall into the black.

Silence filled all of Studio C where Kwest had just witnessed Jude release her feelings that she had been keeping inside of her for three long months. He was amazed at not only how great the song was but also at how Jude actually had a genuine smile on her face. He stopped the recording and asked her, "Why are you smiling like that?"

"I have been waiting such a long time to get that off my chest."

"Come in here for a second."

She got up and walked into the room making her way to the couch and sat down. She stared at Kwest waiting for him to give some kind of feedback.

"Jude I'm not even really sure what to say."

"Well did you like the song, oh my god you hated it didn't you? It was terrible wasn't it?"

"No, No not at all, the song was amazing! I loved it, but it was about someone wasn't it?"

"Every song is about someone isn't it, Kwest?"

"Was there something you wanted to talk about Jude, I was thinking maybe something that started with Tom and ended with Quincy?"

"Kwest I…"

She paused realizing that she had never really talked about it out loud because it hurt too much and she wouldn't let herself believe that Tommy could cause that much pain.

"You what, Jude? I know it hurts but it's probably better that you talk about it at some point, it's really unhealthy to keep everything inside."

Tears started to well up in her eyes as she tried so hard to speak.

"It's so hard, when he left I fell apart but I couldn't speak, I couldn't react because everyone tried so hard to make it better, it just became so overwhelming," she huffed a huge breathe and continued.

"I felt like I would have let the people around me down if I showed that I was depressed or upset, I felt like I had to just keep on smiling and role with the punches but the truth is I miss him everyday, I miss him so much that it hurts and I can barely sleep without a bottle of vodka and every dream being about him."

Kwest took in every word that she said and needed a minute to absorb it all before he could say anything back to her sad confession. She looked at him waiting for any sort of response.

"You know I always thought that someday you two would be more than just writer and producer, that you would be more than just friends, you would be together. It was just a matter of time."

Jude didn't know how to react to his words.

"It was always there Jude, he always felt that way about you. He probably never told you and now that he's not here I guess you have a right to know," he inhaled as Jude waited for him to finish.

"Tommy loved you Jude, he loved you so much, he told me the night before he left that he wanted nothing more than to tell you how he felt but he didn't know how to put it into words. I don't think he had any intentions of leaving Jude, I think he was forced."

She was completely shocked, she knew she loved Tommy but she never knew he felt so strongly about her. She had dreamt about it every night after she came home late from the studio after working long hours with Tommy. She had dreamt that one day he would just openly admit that he loved her and that he would rather lose his job and have the world turn its back on him than spend one more minute with her not in his arms. She had never gotten her hopes up and had never thought that Tommy would ever admit his feelings to anyone, especially Kwest considering the close brother/sisterly relationship he had with her. Although she did have to remember that he was Tommy's best friend and that meant he could tell him anything.

"Thank you, Kwest." That's all she could say, was thank you.

"I have to go home because I promised Sadie I would help her out with some things so I'll see you around right?"

"You know where I'll be, Jude. If you need to talk I'm always here."

"Thanks, bye."

"Oh and remember Jude, remember what I said to you today," he said with a knowing look.

"I will," she said with a small smile.

Jude had just walked into her apartment when she saw a note on her refrigerator.

"_Jude, I still need your help but I can't come by today somethings come up. P.S.- I got in with your spare key under the welcome mat, you might want to find a better hiding spot! – Love S.A.D.I.E" _

"Things always seem to be coming up when I'm involved," she mumbled under her breathe. Now she was at her apartment alone once again and left to her own thoughts. She replayed Kwest's words in her head for hours as she carelessly turned on the television and let it play in front of her. A commercial then came on that caught her attention; it was about a music summer program for children and they were looking for volunteers to help teach. If there was one thing she loved it was music and she had a connection with it that no one could break. She needed to become reconnected with reality and she thought this would be the perfect getaway. She wrote down the name, _Robak Youth Music Program _inMaryland, and she wrote the number down next to it. She immediately called the number and did an over-the-phone interview getting herself a position as a teacher in the summer program. It was currently June third and she got herself a plane ticket to Maryland for June seventh, which gave her four days to pack and tell everyone at G-Major and Sadie. She wanted to wait until tomorrow to tell Sadie but it was only eight thirty so she thought she would head to Sadie's house and share the news with her and Kwest now because she was so excited. Her life would finally be getting back on track and she was actually doing something for herself that didn't involve any thoughts of Tommy. She jumped off the couch and grabbed her keys off the counter as she raced towards the door.

She opened it with overloaded enthusiasm and a huge smile until it was completely open fully exposing a faint figure on her doorstep in the rain. She could tell it was a man but he was hidden by shadows so she could hardly see him. As he inched closer and came into the spotlight shining from above her doorway realization dawned on her and she froze like a deer in the headlights with her mouth agape. It seemed like hours before she spoke.

"Tommy…"

_The song is "Into the Black" by Butch Walker. So that was it, I hope you liked it! I'll put the next chapter up soon._


	2. Chapter 2

"Tommy…"

"Hi," he said timidly. He opened his mouth to say something else but Jude cut him off not noticing he was about to speak.

"What are you doing here?" She said it more forcefully than she had planned. She was now realizing that she was angrier than she had thought about his disappearance.

"I want to come home, Jude. I want to be back here…with you." He wasn't sure what her reaction would be, he figured he couldn't escape her being angry with him. He just didn't know what he was up against; regaining her trust would be one hell of a task.

"A little late don't you think?"

"Maybe I-

"Look I was actually on my way to my sister's apartment, I really need to tell her and Kwest something," she had no emotion in her voice like she used to. He remembered it being filled with love and hope and excitement. Now she showed none of those feelings to him and maybe he deserved it. He knew he deserved it.

"There's alot of things I need to say to you, Jude. Things we need to talk about that have been left unsaid for too long."

"Tommy, like I said I have to go. I don't have any time to get into this right now with you." Her words were cold and distant but he kept his composure and knew if he wanted to be back in her life it was going to take time. He knew he would wait as long as it takes, he wasn't going anywhere.

"I guess I could just talk to you when you come back," he said with desperation in his voice as if he didn't talk to her soon he would fall apart into itty bitty pieces. She didn't notice the need in his voice because he worked so hard to keep his real emotions hidden underneath his cool exterior. He wanted to break but he had to stay strong for her.

"What will you do until then?" She didn't want him to wait for her because she wasn't sure if she even really wanted to talk to him. She had found herself waiting for this moment for so long, but now that it was finally here she felt as though she would rather puke than give him the satisfaction of knowing that he could leave for months without any word and she still loved him just as much as when he left. She despised anyone that wanted to disappear without so much as a good reason why then waltz back into her life and expect to be instantly forgiven.

"I was thinking I could go see a friend and I could come back later when you're home." It was kind of sad how he was almost begging to talk to her. She wanted so badly to tell him that she loved him and have him take her in his arms and tell her everything would be okay. She wanted to tell him never to leave again and have him stay with her forever.

That was exactly what she wanted. The problem was he had made a mistake and that couldn't go without being dealt with first so she had to know if he was here for good or if he was going to leave again. She didn't want to fall for him again and then have him up and leave and never come back.

"Okay, well I shouldn't be too long so maybe I will call you later."

"Jude, I could just come by your house later," he said quietly.

"I don't think that's a good idea, look Tommy it's great that your back but I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk to you about this. When I say this I mean everything, you leaving, coming back, wanting to be with me? That's the thing that throws me off the most."

She brushed past him shutting her door behind herself and heading towards her car. He was unsure what to make of what she had just said. What threw her off? He turned to watch her leave but before he could find the words to ask her what she had meant she stopped suddenly at her car door and turned to look at him.

"If you loved me, why did you turn your back on us?"

She had visible tears in her eyes and he had no idea how to respond to her question. It killed him that he couldn't take back the time he had left her but it wasn't his decision and he couldn't reverse time. He was bleeding inside, bleeding for her because he knew how much pain she was in. He wanted nothing more than to apologize a million times and have her say everything would be okay. He knew it wouldn't be that easy, but he was back for good now and wanted to give them another try, all he had to do was convince her.

He exhaled loudly and she turned to leave not saying another word she got in her car and drove off.

Jude drove through the narrow streets quickly, never looking in her mirrors, not wanting to see past that was behind her. She loved Tommy and she did want to be with him but she had to know that his feelings were real this time. She couldn't lose him again and even though she feared what would happen when she left for Maryland, she knew if he really meant what he said this time that he would wait for her. She couldn't bring herself to go to Sadie's house now, there had been too much going on in her head and Tommy's return brought on a lot of drama, ruining her once excited mood. She pulled out her cell and dialed her sister's number.

"Hey Jude," Sadie attempted to sing the popular song.

"Wow Sades, that never fails," she said sarcastically.

"Sorry I couldn't resist. What's up?"

"I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow, something came up that I need to talk to you about," she changed tones when she said it, making it obvious that the situation that "came up" was not one she wanted to deal with.

"What's wrong, Jude? Do you want me to come over? You sound upset," Sadie was always so quick to assume Jude was upset, but this time Sadie didn't know how right she was.

"Well what is the worst thing that could happen to make me upset…Tommy's home." Even Jude was surprised at how nonchalant she had broken the news of Tommy being back. She was angry before but now that she was away from him she seemed to have calmed down and showed almost no emotion towards his arrival. She honestly wasn't sure how to feel. How does someone react to a situation like this? It was confusing and she wanted to delay getting to the subject of Tom Quincy for as long as she possibly could.

"Jude! He's back?! Well what are you going to do? I mean he made you so depressed when he left, your not going to give him another chance, are you?"

"Sadie…"

"Listen Jude it's up to you what happens with you and Tom, but be careful. I think you should think this over before you do anything."

"You don't have to worry Sadie, I haven't made any decisions yet. I don't know what I'm going to do but I just want to go home and sleep on it."

"I know you'll do what's best for you, even if it does mean giving him a second chance," Sadie said in a reassuring tone. "But yeah we can meet up tomorrow and you can give me all the details of what happened and we can talk about what you're going to do."

Jude was thinking over what she would do tomorrow when she was face to face with Tommy and had to tell him she was leaving in a few days and wouldn't be back for a couple months. She still hadn't even told Sadie. She would get around to it, but for now she had to go home and make some important decisions.

"I know I'll have plenty of time to think about it, Sadie."


End file.
