Rookie Blue 1. Chapter 1

The Sam Swarek that woke up was not the same Sam Swarek that lay bleeding on the floor of the 15 division a mere 3 days ago. He was not the same at all, yes he had the same piercing dark eyes and the same slick dark hair, distinct dimples and muscles that went on for days, however he was missing a very important part of him. His memories.

Last he knew he was an undercover junkie with a crap apartment and a copy of Moby Dick on his shelf. He had no recollection of Jerry's death or Brennan's torture or Andy McNally.

They told him the basics, he made detective, he got made as a UC and had to be pulled was back at 15 and they told him about Jerry since he knew something was up when he never visited. He heard that he was shot protecting multiple officers and that Oliver had been injured but nothing serious.

When he woke the second time he woke to find multiple of his personal things in his room, his favorite sweats, his Toronto Leafs sweater, a photo of him and Sarah from years ago and a few other little things along with his favorite succulent plant but no note, no indication of who other than Jerry knew these personal things. Just an empty feeling like he was forgetting something or someone.

Oliver came to visit on day 2, he was in pain but nothing he couldn't handle. He gave a quick summary of the 4 missing years that doctors said wouldn't do extra harm. He was partnered with Traci Nash, Jerry's engagement widow. Their batch of rookies, leaving out Andy's name, Best and Noelle's wedding and baby girl, him and celery, the minor stuff.

He was told he could leave the hospital in a week if all went well and he "behaved" and listened to doctors. Only condition was no staying alone so Oliver volunteered to stay with him. He would be back on light duty in approx a month.


	2. Chapter 2

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Sam wasn't the only person who became a different person on that dreadful day, she had stayed by his side from the second he was moved to recovery until 10 minutes before waking up. She had just slipped out to run home for a shower and change when Frank said he would sit with him for a bit. She was barely out of the shower when she got the call.

Frank: "Andy he's awake, the doctors are checking him"

Andy: "ill be right there"

Frank "Andy, there's more…..he doesn't remember"

A "Ford? The shooting? What?"

F "Anything, as far as he thought he was still UC when he got shot and that's what got him made and why they called me"

The wind was knocked right out of her, how could he not remember their life, their story?

F "you still there Andy? You ok?"

A " yea I heard you, I'll bring by his ICE bag so he has his stuff, but don't mention my name sir"

She sat on her couch, the same thinking that went on during the black out, shock, fear, sadness. He didn't know her, didn't know their up's or any of their many very low down's.

After what felt like a lifetime in reality 20 mins it dawned on her. What if it was for the best he doesn't know her and their history. That alley way tackle was the worst thing that ever happened to Sam Swarek, his life would have been much less complicated had that never happened. Then she made the hardest decision of her life, she decided to rewrite the story and erase their meeting.

When she got to the hospital she handed everything to Frank but refused to enter his room. She asked to speak to Frank privately and laid her plan out. She was requesting an immediate transfer out of 15 and surrounding area's. He wanted to refuse but when she said she would simply go above him he knew she was serious. She asked for Noelle to clean out her locker and send it to her condo, she didn't ever want to step back into that building. She wrote a letter for each Traci, Oliver, Nick and one for Dov Chris and Gail together.

They all said the same thing in so many words, she was leaving and this time doing Sam the favor of not coming back. She also explicitly said to never mention her name to him and just tell him his old partner left the precinct long before the shooting. Frank tried to persuade her but he knew it wouldn't work. This was her way of protecting him from heartbreak they already went through. You can't miss someone you never knew. She knew letters was the cowardly way out but she was too afraid to say goodbye to the people who had become her family face to face knowing she would never be able to leave.

After handing all the letters to frank through tears she said thank you for everything and goodbye, that she would be out of town until the transfer got approved and asked him to call a new number when that was.


	3. Chapter 3

Oliver couldn't believe his eyes, she was gone? It broke his heart to think Andy blamed herself for all of Sam's hardships in the last 4 years and that she thought meeting her was the worst thing to ever happen to him. He tried her cell phone right away, but straight to a message saying. "My mind is made, it's for the best. Don't try again. Love you all. Take care of him"

If only she knew he, well the old he wanted her and kids on Sundays in the park, he wanted it all.

Sammy wasn't the same but was in all the Sammy ways. He could sense something wasn't right, that someone was missing every time Ollie visited. He told him about Jerry but nothing about the aftermath. He figured it was best not to mention Andy like she asked. He just hoped Sam would remember her and everything on his own.

The week went to slow for Sam's likings, he wanted, no NEEDED to get out of the hospital. He hated the helpless feeling of being confined to one room and the awful food wasn't helping. Ollie had brought him a few burgers from his favorite dinner and one night the nurse brought in his favorite green ice cream but she didn't know who had left it for him and neither did he since the only other person to know about his favorite kind was Sarah and he had convinced her he was fine and she didn't have to come down. He had a very short list of visitors, mainly only Oliver, Noelle and frank, but he wasn't surprised since he didn't actually know any of his other 15 officers that well. Every time they visited it seemed to Sam like they were trying to avoid a subject or a person in particular. When Oliver talked about Sam's days back on as a TO after being busted he said they had 5 rookies until Nick joined them but when Sam asked about his partner Oliver quickly changed the subject and never talk about them, he didn't even know if it was a he or a she. Just that they had transferred out.


	4. Chapter 4

The first week out of the hospital Oliver stayed with Sam and it reminded Sam why he lives alone, but didn't say anything since he was just trying to be a good brother and take care of him.

A few weeks passed and Sam was getting much better and stronger and was almost ready to be back on with strict desk duty rules from Frank. His first day back was awkward to say the least, he met all the rookie, except for the one who transferred. He met Tracy, he instantly knew why Jerry had picked her, she was just his type. Something about her when she looked at Sam looked sad though, like she was looking into the past.

He was slowly getting memories back, he remembered the day he got made, and how it was Jerry who hugged him even though he was handcuffed and clearly not just stopping in for a visit. He also remembered Jer's death and how he felt that day. It was finding the pocket watch that triggered the memory. He remembered other events too, he recalled a fire at a laundry mat, a concert shooting, an ice cream truck with a young girl driving, and a live grenade in the kitchen of a building. He had an uncertain feeling that there was a big part of all these memories that he couldn't place but figured if it was important it would come back on its own.

Everyone at the station seemed to walk on eggshells around him and it was starting to drive him nuts, if they had something to say they should say so.


	5. Chapter 5

Meanwhile north of the province in Thunder Bay Andy McNally was starting to get settled into her new life. She got the transfer confirmed a week after she left. Frank was the only one with her new number for emergency purposes if anything happened to her dad or Tracy. She was still finding it hard to adjust to small town police work instead of big city but the calmness was also quite reliving to her. She also had her name in for more UC work since she wouldn't be leaving anyone behind she figured she may as well. She made a point to not get close with any of her colleagues, she knew it just made the job more complicated to care about people so decided to be the cold bitch instead.

It's been 3 months, 17 days, and 7 hours since that awful day. She often wonders if he remembered her or how everyone at home is doing. She can't let her mind travel back too often though, it becomes too hard. She has been accepted for a new UC taskforce, the only downside is the location. She will be staged a mere 6 blocks from the alley way that changed her life 4 years ago. She just had to hope she wouldn't run into anyone she knew.


	6. Chapter 6

It had been 4 months now, Sam was back in full Swarek mode, he had gotten back almost everything his memory wanted back, or so he thought. He had overheard people mention "Andy" and how they wondered where she went and he always found it odd that she had transferred without a word to anyone but he never asked about it since he didn't even know her he didn't feel it was his business. It wasn't until a cookout at Oliver's where everything he thought he knew changed.

Sam and Ollie were cooking burgers by the grill when Oliver innocently said "aw this is the life isn't it brother, and I mean 'real life', just missing the park" When Sam cocked an eyebrow at Ollie he instantly remembered, he doesn't even know they're his own words. All of sudden Sam got a strange memory of a conversation " I miss her man, I wish I didn't but I do….I think about life, real life more than this, kids and parks on Sundays, with her" It shook Sam up because he didn't know who this "her" was. But knew it was someone important and guessed that Oliver knew.

Stuck in his mind for a minute he got a little clumsy and ran into the edge of the table, spilling a pitcher all over the table so Oliver had asked him to go in and find extra napkins or towels to clean it up. He was walking back down the hall, hands full when he knocked a stack of books off the end table. As he bent down to pick up his mess he noticed hand writing that he instantly recognized but didn't know from where. He had full intention of putting it back and walking away but something in him made him take a second glance and before he knew it he was reading every word a second time, trying to wrap his mind around it.

Oliver,

Please don't hate me. You may not understand why I am doing this, and never understand or forgive me but I have to. I love him too much to cause him more pain. The worst thing that ever happened to Sam Swarek was being tackled by me in that alley way. I've cause him so much pain in the past few years that cannot be erased even by the good times. Therefore this time I'm going to leave and do Sam the favor of not coming back. He can't miss someone he doesn't know. It breaks my heart to do this, but at the same time it's the best decision I've ever made. I have to end the story now before more tears are shed over us. Everything changed the day we lost Jerry and he never looked quite the same, nor at me the same and the night Ford was in the station he wanted to leave and if I had just shut my mouth and not overthink it he would have walked out, gone home and not got shot. That ambulance ride was the scariest ride of my life and I told him I loved him and how I've never felt more loved or known then by him. The only consolation is that he doesn't have to remember all the hurt we've caused each other. I really just want him happy. Please take care of him, remember to take him some nasty pistachio ice cream and to get a puppy, it will do him some good to have a little Boo Radley. Just be the brother he needs, you're the best one he has.

Hope to see you again some day, love Andy.

He couldn't understand it, Andy? Rookie Andy who transferred? Then it hit him like a truck Andy McNally, his rookie, not just a rookie. With that he remembered the ambulance, and their story her telling him she loved him and thinking that when he gets better he's going home to his lock box, getting the ring and finally doing what he has wanted to do for 2 years, finally ask her to be with him for the rest of their lives.

All of a sudden all he saw was red, full rage at Oliver, at himself for forgetting and at her for giving up on their story. He grabbed the letter and marched towards Oliver who was standing with Tracy. "What the hell is this?" throwing the letter down in front of him. Oliver looked down at it and then up to Sam's enraged eyes. "I can explain" was all he could muster together though. Sam spreading his arms in front of him and giving that Sam Swarek sarcastic smile said through gritted teeth "Really, be my guest brother, please explain how you could willingly stab me in the back and not help me remember the one person I've ever actually loved" At this point the party dropped to an absolute, pin dropping silence. It wasn't just Oliver who had kept her from him.

After a 20 minute explanation from Oliver and chirps from Tracy, Frank and Noelle Sam just had to get away from them. Before turning all he could say was "all of people I thought you would have had the stones to tell me, of all people Ollie since you knew about parks on Sunday's" with that he turned and walked to his truck got in and drove away. That last statement hit Oliver hard, he was right, he should have told him or at least tried harder to remind him of her. He really did think he would have remembered her on his own when his mind was ready.

Sam just drove around, not really knowing where to go, just knowing he had to go somewhere he wouldn't run into anyone he knew to clear his head. Barely realizing what area of the city he had wound up in he finally realized where he was, the one and only Alpine bar. He knew not all his memories were back but he had enough to know he loved Andy with all of his being and the fact that no one reminded him drove him crazy. Why wouldn't they have dropped more hints, or had they and he was the one who didn't notice or want to notice?


	7. Chapter 7

Andy was starting to get a little bored, she was keeping her cover up well and laying low but being so close to everyone but not seeing any of them or knowing what was going on in their lives was harder than she anticipated. She knew in her head it was for the best and that they would all eventually move on and have happy lives without her but it still hurt. She really did want to spend the rest of her life as Andy Swarek, but that just wasn't possible and she really needed to let that dream go, he had probably already found a new or an old girlfriend. She didn't expect him to be single forever, especially with those dimples. What was she doing, she had to stop thinking of Sam or she wouldn't be able to stop herself from running to his apartment this moment and throw herself at him. Then the doorbell rang and it brought her right back to being Carla, former insurance broker turned drug runner/junkie. She had decided she would use a little of her Candice story to remind herself why she could never go back to her old life. She had infiltrated the gang pretty easily with her flirting and acting like a flimsy dumb girl who would comply to almost anything they asked of her. It had been the longest 6 months of her life. At least last assignment she had a partner, this one she was on her own so time went very slow when she wasn't working.

Sam started going back to the alpine more and more, for some odd reason something about the place was comforting even though he couldn't pin point what. He just felt like if he hung out there a little more the memory of why he ended up there at all would return and that it did one night. He was sitting at the bar sipping on his drink, minding his own business when he overheard some guys talking about their newest recruit, the very sexy brunette and how they bet she sold a lot of insurance with an ass like that. Appleton must have been very sorry to lose her. Hearing this made Sam's blood boil, but he didn't know why he should care that they are talking about an hot insurance broker from Appleton like a piece of meat until it hit him. The pool game, Brennan, her returning to the bar, them going back to his place, everything. No wonder he was drawn here, it was one of the best nights of his life and it all started right here in this shit dive bar. He had to leave, if he stayed any longer he would likely lose it on these guys and kill them. As he drove home all he could think about was the fact she was so close yet so far away. She really must not want or love him anymore if she was in the same city but made no attempt at reaching out. He thought that maybe he should let her and the few memories go since she apparently doesn't want this life anymore. But then Ollie's letter still burnt in his mind "do Sam the favor of not returning" he hated the fact that she blames herself for his hardships and that she actually thinks that was the worst thing that ever happened to him. He decided right then that he was going to find Andy and never let her go.


	8. Chapter 8

For the next few weeks he spent every free second he had trying to track her down, without asking too many questions to risk her cover. He still hadn't forgiven Oliver or any of them really so he just kept to himself a lot. He knew they were respecting her wishes but it still stung. Through a few channels he finally heard about a crew that had recently acquired a very pretty little drug runner that was perfect for the "nicer" market. They said it was through the "Blue Dolphins; BD" gang that she was working and that made Sam cringe since he knew what they did to the last informant. He decided the best way to bring Andy home would be to help crack the case and close it so she wouldn't get hurt or made.

He figured that if Andy was part of a new taskforce and was transferred there was 1 person would know how to find her. Five minutes later he was standing across from Frank in his office.

S: We need to talk

F: Wow he speaks.

Sam not even cracking a smile said 3 simple words.

WHERE IS SHE.

F: Sammy, brother don't do this.

S: You owe me this, if Andy got transferred and recruited for a new taskforce then I know you would have kept tabs on it. So quit beating around the bush and the BS and tell me who is in charge.

F: I really did try and convince her to stay. She was holding your hand the whole time in the hospital until you woke up. If I had not told her to go home and shower none of this would have happened and I am truly sorry for that Sam.

Softening, Sam simply said "I know"

F: last I heard she was helping take down the BD's, which I'm sure you have already discovered. Her handler is a Det. Lance, I'll get you his number, but can't promise more than that.

With the number in hand Sam was walking out of the office when Frank had one more thing to say.

F: Talk to Ollie, this silent treatment is hurting him and he needs you to talk to him. He will tell you anything you want to know about the past just give him a chance. And, when you find her, tell her that her entire family wants her home. We miss her too Sammy, you're not the only one who loves her.

An hour later he was waiting to meet Det. Lance at a diner in his old neighborhood.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam's first impression of Det. Lance was not the best one, he reminded him too much of Boyd, and we all know how that ended. He was cocky and arrogant and Sam didn't trust that he had Andy's best interests in mind and was more concerned with the case. Lance was very reluctant to tell Sam anything about the UC op Andy was working but did say that Andy had left him instructions and one question to ask Sam if he came looking for info. "What kind of juice did Candice want?" Lance didn't exactly understand the question but figured it must have had some meaning when he saw a small grin appear on Sam's face. "Orange, but she got grapefruit" with that Lance told Sam everything he could about the case and Andy's cover. Andy never told Det. Lance why to ask that but she knew that if Sam could remember their first night then he would have remembered everything that came with it, including their love and that if he was tracking her down it was safer to help him than have him banging on doors and getting them both in danger.

Sam demanded to be brought in on the OP and be sent it to be Andy's partner to help keep her safe and bring the drug ring down faster so she could come home. Right away he was hit with a very adamant "NO, it would be way too dangerous to throw someone else into the organization at this time in the game and he would be doing more damage than good" It took a lot of convincing and throwing names around and that the dept owed him for what they did to him with the Brennan case (boat that was not clean and clear) and finally Lance gave in. They were gonna go with the story of him just getting in Appleton and randomly running into his ex. Carla at the Alpine, kind of like Gabe and Edie. He wanted the cover name of Ernie, the Zamboni driver. He told Lance to tell Andy someone was joining her but not who, that way she would have real genuine surprise on her face when she saw him.

They set it up for 3 days from now and told Sam to get his ducks in a line since they didn't know how long he would be under. It's not like it's the first time he's gone UC so he knew the routine, he just usually had people he wasn't furious with to look after his life. He decided that since he had already lost Jerry he didn't want to loose another brother and figured he should make up with Oliver finally since god forbid something happened to either of them while he was under Sam nor Oliver would ever forgive themselves for leaving things on a bad note.

As he pulled up in front of Oliver's house he didn't even know what he was going to say yet. Angry, yes but slowly forgiving and understanding why, yes as well. He knew deep in his heart that Oliver was trying to do what was best for him and as well for Andy but it still stung. Ringing the door bell of house that he has a spare key to and hasn't rung ever felt a little strange but he also didn't feel right just walking into the house since he hasn't said more than 3 words to him since leaving the day he found out.

"Hi"

"Sammy, what are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"What, of course..right" Oliver said as he stepped in, letting Sam pass him.

"I'm sorry" was said by both of them at the same moment, small grins coming to both their faces.

"Did you find her?"

'Yes. She's under, and it's pretty heavy stuff but I managed to get thrown in too on her case, that's sorta why I'm here"

A small knowing smile crossed Oliver's face, he thought about giving the _It's too dangerous blah blah blah _speech but knew it would be useless so instead simply asked "Feed the plants, pick up the mail, eat your food and drive your truck around, I know" Sam loved that he didn't even have to ask, that Ollie just knew everything he needed him to do and that he would be giving Sarah his number just in case.

After some more chit chat Sam decided to head out and call Sarah to keep her in the loop and then set all his pre-payments up for bills and such.

As he was walking out of the Shaw household Oliver had one last thing to say to him, with Sam turning to look at him Oliver said 3 simple words.

" Bring her home"

That was Sam's exact plan, bring her home and never let her go.


End file.
