Inuyasha 1. Welcome Home

DISCLAIMER: The characters of InuYasha are not mine, they are property of Rumiko Takahashi, Shogakukan, Yomiuri TV, Sunrise, and Viz. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

**a/n: **This is a continuation of Dirty Dog, a one-shot I did a while ago and was looking for something to continue it with. The Damsel challenge on Dokuga_LJ just fit! You don't need to read the original piece to get the idea, but hey, if you want to, I'm not going to stop you.

_Step One: Reintroduce yourself and declare your attentions straightforwardly._

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter One: Welcome Home**

Kagome stared in open-mouthed astonishment at the now two-armed daiyoukai standing in the doorway of the well house. Granted he didn't look _exactly _the same, but there was no mistaking him for who he was. Even without the armor and double swords, he was still imposing as hell. "What are you doing here?" she shrieked at last.

"My jockey stick has yet to ride your camel toe, miko," Sesshoumaru replied, as if she should have known why he would be there. And really, she _should _have. Hadn't she just left him back in the Feudal Era not even a minute ago?

Kagome contemplated going back through the well once more, but Sesshoumaru from then was bound to still be there, too. Which would be worse? A closet pervert who'd just had his mouth filled with soap or a closet pervert who'd been waiting five-hundred years for a lay?

Deciding that perhaps the less-angry-but-probably-more-sexual-frustrated daiyoukai would be easier to handle, Kagome swung her other leg over the edge of the well but remained seated just in case a quick retreat was in order. Sesshoumaru smirked at her obviousness. "This one would advise you _not_ to return to the Feudal Era at this moment in time, miko."

Kagome knew very well _why_ she shouldn't go back, but she couldn't stop herself from giving a very unwise, "Oh?"

Sesshoumaru then held up something that looked frighteningly familiar and Kagome felt her stomach sink as she recognized the soap she had shoved in Sesshoumaru's mouth not but a few minutes before. It was a little…aged…to say the least, but she could still make out faint reminders of his fang markings. "Yes, miko. This one would not be gentle on you if you fell underneath my claws…then."

"And you're going to be gentle with me now?" Kagome asked, her voice liberally laced with skepticism.

"Contrary to popular belief, old dogs can learn new tricks."

She folded her arms across her chest, sensing his eyes were laying there. "Really? I'm just finding it a little hard to believe that right now, Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru moved forward, his imposing figure seeming to fill the space between them. "Yes, miko. This one has come to learn that you are not a burlap sister and the imposing size of my throbbing meat hook may have made you a bit skittish. When this one slams your sugar basin and fills with it my love liquor, I shall be most gentle. This I promise you."

_Kami, his speech hasn't improved one little bit!_ "Did the thought ever cross your mind, in all these years, that I didn't want to _do_ anything like _that_ with you, Sesshoumaru?"

"I have pleased my pisser for long enough, miko," Sesshoumaru replied, just a hint of irritation in his tone now. "You are a woman of your word, are you not?"

Kagome gulped. While she _had, _in a very technical way, agreed to Sesshoumaru's offer, she hadn't meant it! "You promised this one a taste of your Sarlac the Sand Pit," he continued, moving even closer to her. "And I believe you should go down for a whomp, as well, since you made this one…wait…so long for fulfillment. A game of hoop snake is in order, this one believes."

"Eewww!" It seemed Sesshoumaru had seen Star Wars since last they'd met and, of course, the dirty dog had found _something_ sexual in it. "Haven't you learned anything about the female of the human species in the last five hundred years? We don't like our…parts…referenced like that. Or _I_ don't. And I most definitely do not want to whomp the who-what with a hoop-ti-do, either!"

Sesshoumaru opened his mouth to reply, but Kagome was saved—or perhaps even more lost—when her mother rounded the corner of the well house, a smile on her face when she saw her. "Kagome! I thought I heard your voice." Then her mother's eyes slid to the right where Sesshoumaru was standing. "And you've brought a friend with you, I see." Her mother gave Sesshoumaru a low bow. "Welcome to our home."

Kagome groaned internally as she sunk into despair. This was definitely going down as one of the worst days of her life.

*DD*

Surprisingly, Sesshoumaru was more than cordial to her mother, nodding his head in return to her greeting and allowing the older woman to lead him inside their home for tea. Kagome followed slightly behind, hugging her newly returned bag to her chest as if it might save her from a life-time of mental therapy. _Too late for that!_ she thought to herself as she sat down in the living room across from Sesshoumaru.

They stayed there in silence, the daiyoukai's eyes never leaving her, until her mother returned with the tea. After serving Sesshoumaru first, her mother sat down next to her. "So you are Inuyasha's older brother?"

"Half," she and Sesshoumaru said at the same time.

"Ah," her mother replied, realizing that perhaps Inuyasha was not a subject to be brought up at the moment. "And what brings you here, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

Sesshoumaru laid the bar of soap down on the table between them, giving Kagome a meaningful look. "This one wishes to use my 100% all-beef thermometer to properly chastise your daughter's fur burger."

Kagome watched, mortified, as her mother's eyes grew large in her head. Then a look of confusion came over her face and Kagome found herself both strangely relieved and strangely frightened by the fact that her mother had NO idea what in the world Sesshoumaru was talking about. "Well, that sounds…nice."

"Mom!" Kagome wailed, sure a blush was rising on her face.

Receiving a sharp look from her mother for her raised voice, Kagome bowed her head in apology. Thankfully the phone rang, taking her mother away from them for a few moments. Sesshoumaru smirked at her expression. "You are such a virgin, miko."

"Yeah. Got a problem with it?"

"No. This one finds your lack of dancing the beast with two backs very stimulating and I am quite eager to throw out the first pitch."

Kagome acted on reflex. She launched herself across the space separating them and shut the perverted daiyoukai up by putting her hand over his mouth. "I should have used a bigger bar of soap," she muttered to herself. Underneath her hand she could feel Sesshoumaru's lips curving into a smile as his hands came up to rest on her hips, once more scooting back towards her hind end. "Who in the hell taught you to speak like this, Sesshoumaru?" Kagome demanded to know as she tried to wiggle her butt further away from his groping fingers while staying close enough to cover his mouth.

She didn't expect an answer and was surprised when he removed her hand from his lips, lightly kissing the palm as he did. The gesture was strangely sweet and entirely at odds with what had been spewing out of his mouth. "My Great and Terrible father," he replied, as if she should have known all along.

"And he scored with those lines?" she couldn't help but ask. Then, after a very pointed look from Sesshoumaru, Kagome remembered him and Inuyasha were products of such a union. "Oh. I guess he did… But just because your parents do something," she continued, taking on a lecturing tone. "Doesn't make it right, Sesshoumaru. Women deserve to be treated with respect and love and…and admiration." Hearing her mother returning, Kagome lowered her voice for the end of her speech to a whispered, "We are not sex toys!"

His eyebrows rose at her comment and Kagome could just see the little dirty wheels turning in his lecherous mind. Needing to get away for a minute…or twenty…or maybe even more…Kagome excused herself politely when her mother returned, praying Sesshoumaru controlled himself while she took a much needed bath. Kami, she hadn't said a naughty thing and yet she felt so…dirty.

*DD*

Kagome finally decided that if she stayed in the bath any longer she would melt into nothing like potatoes left to boil too long. Her fingers and toes were pruned beyond recognition and she'd washed her hair so many times she was sure she'd striped it of all nutrients.

Begrudging her human body for not turning into a mermaid and letting her live in the water forever, Kagome climbed out of her bath and went to her room. As she went down the hallway, her ears strained for the sound of Sesshoumaru's deep timbre but there was only blessed silence below. What had happened? Had he propositioned her mother?

The idea of Sesshoumaru turning his lustful advances on to someone else—especially her seeming-to-be-entirely-too-innocent mother—made Kagome rush to finish drying off and change into clean clothing. Choosing something entirely covering and loose to wear, she barely combed her hair before returning back downstairs.

To find the living room empty…and Sesshoumaru nowhere in sight.

Going into the kitchen, she found her oddly wholesome mother preparing the afternoon meal. "Um, mom?" she said from the doorway.

Her mother turned and flashed her a smile before going back to cleaning the vegetables in front of her. "I'm sorry, dear, but your friend had to leave. You really shouldn't have kept your guest waiting so long. It's terribly rude."

How in the world would she explain the perverted dog and his desires to play hide the salami to her mother to make her understand WHY Kagome had purposefully tried to avoid him? Some things, Kagome decided, were just better left unsaid. "Yes, momma," Kagome answered, contritely.

"He did leave you a note, though, dear. I left it on the table by the door for you."

_A note?_ Kagome groaned to herself and went to retrieve the piece of paper before someone, like her younger brother, stumbled upon it. Or maybe even Jiji… Kagome shuddered as she thought of her grandfather reading something Sesshoumaru had left her and understanding his meanings. Surely _he_ wasn't as naïve as her mother was and that was the last conversation she wished to have.

Sesshoumaru's note was sitting exactly where her mother had said it would be. Kagome picked it up, her hand shaking with trepidation. There, in very elegant handwriting, was her name followed with a briefly structured 'I shall hold you to your word'_. _He'd signed his name and that was it.

_What a rip-off!_ Kagome thought with some disgust. And then she became sickened all over again because she realized she'd actually been looking _forward_ to hearing what naughty euphemism Sesshoumaru would have used.

The world was a screwed-up place, yes, but hers seemed even doubly more so. Why did all the weird stuff seem to happen to her?

_To be continued…_


	2. Strut Your Stuff

_Step Two: Let her see what she's missing…_

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Two: Strut Your Stuff**

Kagome went to bed that evening glad to have her belly filled with her mother's home cooking and thoughts of Sesshoumaru far, far from her mind. She woke the next morning feeling refreshed and renewed and reinvigorated.

After dressing and downing her breakfast with obvious relish, she headed off to school…her mind still not even conjuring up a thought about the horny daiyoukai.

It wasn't until after school that he rudely invaded her day.

Her friends had dragged her to WacDonald's after their last class. They'd ordered shakes and fries and sat down in their favorite booth to gossip as girls her age were suppose to do. Of course, the gossip eventually turned to Hojo, the paragon of all males—if her friends were asked. Kagome yawned, covering her mouth with her hand as she listened to Eri try and convince her once more to get serious about dating the too sweet and naïve boy. Honestly, why would she want to date someone who believed her the sickest being on Earth no matter how healthy she actually looked? _I'd rather kiss Naraku than have anything to do with any more males…_

Wait. Did Naraku count as a male?

"Oh my Kami," Ayumi suddenly whispered at her side as she craned her neck to look around her. "Look at him!"

A feeling of dread swelled up within her as Kagome listened to the sudden outpouring of giddy gaga-ness from her close friends. She didn't want to look—wanted to close her eyes and just keeping drinking her shake—but she did.

_Sesshoumaru…_

The daiyoukai was standing at the street corner dressed up very elegantly in a suit that probably cost more than her family made in a year and was talking on a cell phone. His long silver hair was unbound and wavering in the breeze, catching the sunlight and looking even silkier than usual.

"Now that is one hot man," Eri whispered from across the table. "I'd love to run my fingers through that hair."

"But what's with those tattoos? Is he Yakuza?"

"Who cares! Look at that body…"

Kagome was beyond caring who was saying what.

Sesshoumaru turned, giving them his profile, and smirked. The action made him seem even more appealing…if the several women walking past him doing double-takes was any clue. "He's not that hot," Kagome huffed. "You haven't heard him speak yet."

"You _know _him!" screeched Yuka.

"Unfortunately," Kagome bit out underneath her breath. The daiyoukai turned again at that moment and flexed his arm as if he were tired of holding up a simple cell phone. The action flashed them with yet another look at his lean, firmly built body. Louder, she replied, "Kind of. He's Inuyasha's older brother."

At the mention of Inuyasha—who her friends were still sure was a bad boy Kagome needed to rid herself of—all three of her friends' eyes widened and turned to look at Sesshoumaru again. The daiyoukai chose that moment to look directly at her and wink. "What a dog!" Ayumi exclaimed--more correct than she would _ever _know.

*DD*

Kagome did not get home until late that night. After WacDonald's and after a thorough questioning from her friends about Sesshoumaru—most of which she hadn't been able to answer—they had gone to Eri's house for a cram session. Tomorrow there would be a test and Kagome needed to do well to keep up her grades.

_Damn dogs_, Kagome cursed silently as she slipped off her shoes by the door and wandered into the kitchen. Her family had long ago retired and Kagome was kind of glad to have some alone time. For _some _reason, her friends had found it very hard to stop talking about Sesshoumaru. Oh if only they knew… _Life would be simpler if the Kami had never created dogs. _

Kagome grabbed something to munch on and then, taking her backpack with her, marched dutifully up the stairs to maybe get another few hours in before going to sleep. Reaching her door, Kagome realized belatedly that her hands were full so, instead of setting anything down, she simply bent over and used her head and shoulder to turn the knob just enough so that the door could be kicked open.

She walked into her room to her desk, setting her food and backpack down, and then went back to the door. Closing it, Kagome took a moment to enjoy the darkness, leaning her head against the cold wood of the door as she released a tired sigh.

_First things first, I'll study in more comfortable clothing_, she said to herself as she flipped on the light and began to slip out of her school uniform.

She would pass this test even if it killed her.

Unzipping her skirt part way and slipping off her bra without taking off her shirt, Kagome turned to go to her dresser for her pajamas and came to a dead stop, her eyes more than likely widening to comical widths. Her mouth fell open, but no sounds emerged as she stared at what waited upon her bed making himself _quite _at home.

The daiyoukai was laying out on top of her covers, his tall body not quite fitting with the bed's length as one of his feet dangled off at the end. The other leg was bent and opened wide which gave her a _very_ nice view of the _very _well fitting red briefs he _thankfully_ still wore.

He was partially sitting upright, balanced on strongly muscled forearms, and the white dress shirt he'd been wearing earlier in the day was unbuttoned and opened exposing that gloriously packaged chest and abdomen to her eyes again. He flexed his muscles for her, growling softly in invitation as he did and a smirk came to those lips she knew to be soft and warm.

But where were his pants?

Kagome found herself doing a sweep of the room looking for his missing clothing before her eyes inevitably drew back to him. When her eyes landed on Sesshoumaru again, zooming immediately onto his crotch because the red briefs were just _that _eye-catching, the item somehow impossibly contained within the tiny swatch of red fabric twitched.

Ignoring her gasp, Sesshoumaru raised one hand, running his long fingers through the thick mass of his hair and splaying it out behind him. Honestly it made him look far more angelic than he truly was and Kagome found herself almost tempted to take a step forward.

"Give me some sugar, baby. My boom stick wants to sound off in you."

Kagome did the only thing that came to mind after his greeting.

She threw what was in her hands at him and screamed before turning and dashing from her room.

_To be continued..._


	3. Give a Little, Get a Little?

_Step Three: Shower her with gifts!_

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Three: ****Give a Little, Get a Little?**

Kagome had slammed her door shut behind her while screaming—unsure of exactly _why _she was yelling. Was it because she was entirely too turned on? Entirely too turned-off? A mixture, perhaps? What kind of female was she that the sight of the nearly naked daiyoukai made her turn and run as if he were there to kill her?

Well obviously the daiyoukai _did _want to skewer her, but she didn't think he was aiming for death. _Though that might be a possibility_, Kagome mused as her mind conjured up the image of him and the French meaning for orgasm. _Of course he'd have to never speak…_

Unfortunately for her, her scream had awakened the household, bringing both Jiji and her brother out to investigate. But could she really blame them for coming? After all, she basically fought mythological monsters for a living. It was kind of hard to own on up the "man-scale" with that and it was hard to deny wanting to see what could possibly make her scream.

So they'd both ended up bursting into her room to "save" her—despite Kagome's cries to just leave it be, that it was all in her mind, and she'd been having a waking nightmare.

Oh if only that'd been true…

What they found was absolutely nothing, though. Well, unless you count Souta complaining she was taking the last of the leftovers nothing. The barely dressed daiyoukai seemed to have vanished into thin air.

Some grumbling later both Souta and Jiji returned to bed after her "false" alarm. Kagome remained out in the hallway peeking into her room, still unsure of what would happen now. Would the crazy youkai come back? Would he leave her alone for the rest of the night and strike at her again later? Or…was he still there? The daiyoukai's many talents had not yet been fully learned—she was sure. For all she knew, he could turn himself into an eraser.

Just for good measure Kagome raced into her room, took the eraser off her desk, and chunked it out her open window.

Her mom rounded the corner then, looking safe and warm, and sighed when Kagome jumped at her entrance. "Why don't you just sleep with me tonight, Kagome," she proposed, bringing back memories of long ago days.

"Thanks, mom."

After taking her pajamas to the bathroom and searching every inch of it for hidden dogs, Kagome changed and then went straight to her mother's room. She laid down, feeling safe and sound, by her mother in her bed. _Yeah. Let's see Sesshoumaru try and get me here…._

Wait. No. It was probably best to not dare the dog to do anything—even if that dare was whispered only in her mind.

*DD*

Unsure of when Sesshoumaru would pop up next—both literally and figuratively—Kagome decided to try and cover all her bases the next night. Screw studying and school work! She had her virginity to keep!

And she sure as hell couldn't sleep with her mother every night. At least, Kagome didn't think her mother would let her…without explanation, that is. And there was no way in hell she was about to have that talk with her mother.

As soon as she got home from school, Kagome double checked her now locked window—not that such a thing would keep out a horny daiyoukai if he _really_ wanted some—and stole into the shrine's storerooms to gather all the items her grandfather had professed protected humans from evil spirits. Moving the items up to her room without being noticed had proved easy since her family had decided she was insane apparently and Kagome managed it in just a few short trips.

For extra measure Kagome took sacred waters and salts and circled her entire bed and rubbed them into her window sill just to be safe. Lastly, she'd grabbed a pile of her grandfather's sutras. While they might not work on Inuyasha or other youkai back in the Feudal Era, Kagome was clinging to the sputtering hope that maybe Jiji's spiritual energy only extended to youkai within _his_ time.

Kagome fell asleep that night, amid her pile of talismans and worthless sutras, praying she would wake still a virgin.

Several hours later she found herself coming back to consciousness as the most delicious sensations ran through her body and a familiar youki filled the small space of her bedroom. It then occurred to Kagome that maybe, just _maybe_, she should have worded her prayers a little better because of course Sesshoumaru wouldn't want to fuck her while she was sleeping. He'd _have_ to wake her and, since he didn't take her while she was sleeping, when he _woke_ her she would still be a virgin.

The Kami _had_ answered her prayers, though. Albeit in a very sneaky way…

Those thoughts were quickly proceeded by wondering how long exactly Sesshoumaru would wait her out, what in the hell that strange noise was she kept hearing, how he was making his hand vibrate like that, and wondering if she could maybe make him think that she was just a very sound sleeper and he'd go away.

"This one knows you are awake, miko."

"Damn it."

Somewhere above her, the daiyoukai chuckled softly at her muffled curse and whatever he was doing to her continued. "Forgive this one for waking you, miko, but we were so rudely parted last evening. You ran away before I could convey my thoughts to you."

Kagome groaned. "I don't want to know your thoughts. They are dirty, tainted, and will never come true."

He continued to speak, after giving her a moment to argue with him. "As I have told you before, I understand you may be nervous to do the dive in the dark. And your childish actions of hiding in your bath the other day—as well as running from the sight of my splendid body—have proven my thoughts correct."

If there was one thing Kagome did well it was argue fruitless cases. So, her brain hearing one, she automatically shot upright. Slightly surprised to find herself right in Sesshoumaru's face as he kneeled beside her, Kagome raised her finger to point at him. "I was not hiding!" she declared. "I was merely bathing. It's not _my_ fault you showed up right when I got home. I _always_ take a bath right when I get home. And I did _not _run last night. I retreated gracefully from a sight that wasn't conductive to studying!"

"I believe, miko, that would depend upon what you should have been studying."

The strange vibrations moved from her thighs to her belly, creating tingling sensations that rushed through her body. She should bat whatever it was away, but would that really help? "It most definitely wasn't you," she replied instead, stabbing her finger into his chest for emphasis. "And what exactly do you think you're doing to me?"

Sesshoumaru answered her with a twisting of his lips that could have been mistaken for tenderness, her imagination making what she wanted of it in the darkness of her room. Then he took her hand into his own, raised it up to his mouth, and wrapped his lips around her still pointed finger. Sucking lightly, he released her hand and Kagome screeched as she yanked it back against her chest as if it had been burned. Her hand floundered on the bed, finally coming into contact with the pile of sutras she'd fallen asleep with. Grabbing a handful, she smacked the daiyoukai in the face with them. "Bad dog! No sucking!"

*DD*

"Kagome!" came her mother's voice from the bottom of the stairs. "It's time to get up, Kagome!"

Rolling over onto her back, Kagome threw her arm over her eyes as bright morning sunlight poured in through her window. She didn't want to get up. What she wanted was to just roll back over and go to sleep again. Sesshoumaru had kept her up most of the night…fighting for her sanity and her virginity. Thank the Kami he wasn't the type to force himself on her. Otherwise she really would have been screwed.

Groaning at the remembrances, Kagome sat up and stretched, her sore muscles slowly waking and flexing. She tossed her legs over the side of the bed and glared at the useless trinkets that surrounded her. They had not kept the dog demon away as they were suppose to. In fact Sesshoumaru had found most of them quite interesting and had spent _hours _telling her exactly how he wanted to use them…

He was particularly devious when it came to the Chinese good luck cats…

Shaking her head, Kagome stood when her mother knocked on the door. She reached it before her mom could open it and see the mess of her bedroom. "Kagome, if you're here you should really go to school," her mother said when she stuck her head out.

"I know, I know," she replied with a huge yawn. "I'll be down in a minute."

Her mother clucked her tongue at her disheveled and tired state. "You should go to bed earlier, Kagome. Now hurry up and get dressed. Breakfast is ready."

Kagome closed her door and turned back around to face the disaster of her room. Her eyes combed over the items she would have to move back to their shelving spots and then settled on the crumpled bed sheets and covers.

What was _that_?

Gingerly stepping between two cat statues and over the circle of sacred salt, Kagome pulled her covers off the bed and gasped as her eyes settled on something long, ribbed, and…red.

_Contrary to popular belief_, Sesshoumaru's voice said in her mind as the noise she'd heard last night and the vibrations she'd felt moving across her body clicked in her mind, _old dogs can learn new tricks…_

Kagome hastily stuffed the vibrator into her backpack.

*DD*

"Did you appreciate this one's gifts, miko, as I appreciated mine?" came a soul-shivering voice into her ear as Kagome waved farewell to her friends from the base of the Shrine steps.

Kagome 'eeped' and jumped away, turning swiftly and checking the locations of the daiyoukai's wandering hands. She finally had thanks to give to Miroku for all his hentai ways as she was better skilled at dodging than she would have been. "While it in no way compares to this one's carnal log—"

She had to save herself. Slapping her hand over his mouth again seemed like the only viable solution and so Kagome did before he could complete his sentence. "No. First off, Sesshoumaru, here I am just Kagome. Not a miko, just a girl. A girl! A young girl!"

The daiyoukai smirked underneath her fingers, seeming content to stand there with her hand on his mouth.

"Second, no man should ever name their penis. That's the female's job. And last—but never least," Kagome lowered her voice so that any passing nearby would not hear what she had to say next, "A vibrator is not an appropriate gift!"

Slowly he traced his hand up the length of her arm, letting his claws graze lightly across her skin. When his hand reached hers, he very slowly pulled it away and down to his chest where he left it settled over his heart. "This one thought you might do with some…introduction into pleasure, Kagome. Of course, once you are mine nothing will ever compare and they shall be quickly discarded."

"They? They as in you got me more than one?" Kagome echoed while going wide-eyed over the man's self-confidence. And then her mind registered something else he'd said. "Wait. What gift from me did you enjoy?"

"Your brassiere," the wicked dog replied with a sensuous twisting of his lips.

Damn it. She had thrown it at him unthinkingly the other night and then forgotten about it the next day, her mind too busy thinking of ways to keep the filthy youkai away. "I wasn't giving that to you and I'd like it returned," she bit out in reply.

"No."

"No?"

"No." His head cocked to the side as he listened to something far beyond her own human senses. "Your mother is contemplating entering your room," he informed her with a wicked light in his eyes.

Hers broadened with understanding as she suddenly turned and bounded up the stairs two at a time, yelling over her shoulder as she ran, "This isn't over, Sesshoumaru!"

*DD*

_To be continued..._


	4. Keep it in the Family

_Step Four: Use whatever means necessary to get the info you need!_

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Four: Keep it in the Family**

Sesshoumaru eyed the retreating backside of his miko with a most definite leer. The way her hind end swayed so prettily in that short green skirt of her school uniform… As his Great and Terrible Father would have said, _Rawr._

His smirk widened as he reached into the pockets of his pants and fondly ran his fingers across the lacy undergarment currently stuffed within. A hint of her scent rose from his motions and Sesshoumaru closed his eyes as he inhaled it. "You look like Inuyasha," a voice from his right said, interrupting his quiet concentration.

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes and turned to see Souta, the miko's brother. He mildly wondered if annoyances came with birth for younger siblings and then another notion entered his mind. Perhaps the youngest Higurashi could be of some use? "I am an…acquaintance…of your sister," he admitted, trying to find the best word to fit.

"And of Inuyasha?" the boy pressed, not one to be distracted.

"Yes."

"You must be youkai."

"Yes."

He folded his arms across his chest in almost perfect imitation of the blustering hanyou. "So what do you want with my sister?" he asked, obviously having not missed the look on Sesshoumaru's face as he'd watched Kagome leave.

"This one would like to take the sausage train to tuna town."

"What?"

"I would like a hot roll with cream. Though you are not the elder Higurashi male in the household, I shall make my request for permission with you, her brother, as this one fears the elder Higurashi has simply lost his mind."

"Dude, has Kagome heard you talk like that yet?"

"On numerous occasions," Sesshoumaru confirmed with a nod.

"And you're not dead? Wow. You must be really powerful."

"I am a daiyoukai of incomparable strength. Now you will give me your permission, as her brother, to defile the miko."

"What?" he said again and Sesshoumaru fought the desire to roll his eyes. Was the boy stupid? Wasn't he being perfectly clear—as he was in ALL things?

To calm himself, Sesshoumaru sought out the miko's pilfered undergarments once more, rubbing his thumb across them like they were a worry stone.

And then he took a chance…

"And what would you do to woo the miko?"

"You're talking about my sister, man. There isn't any wooing to be done."

"And if she were not your sister?"

*DD*

Souta had left him in the contemplative rock gardens while he—according to the younger Higurashi—fetched some material that would make his conquest more concrete. Sesshoumaru chose a lotus position to occupy himself with and closed his eyes, breathing in quietly and calmly as should be done in such an area.

"Youkai," came an aged voice from his left, interrupting his concentration.

This was the second time today. Clearly descendants of the Higurashi line had lost their sense of right and wrong… As well as their sanity, respect for those of obviously higher standing, and their ideals of decorum.

"Old man," Sesshoumaru replied, keeping his eyes closed and his breathing deep. He hoped the 'priest' would realize he was meditating and move on.

"What are you doing here, youkai?"

_Sigh_. It wasn't meant to be. "I am waiting."

"For what?"

"For the younger Higurashi to return and provide me with a clear and definite path with which this one will use to rub the sword between the flaps."

For a moment the elder Higurashi was silenced and then a painful wheezing sound came from his mouth. Sesshoumaru cracked his eye open, giving the aged human a sideways glance. The miko might be upset if the old priest fell ill and he did nothing.

Once he'd made certain the human would be fine, Sesshoumaru closed his eye again and fell back into meditation. What in the hell was taking the younger Higurashi so long?

"And whose flaps _exactly_, youkai," the old priest continued as soon as his breathing returned to normal, "Are you contemplating running through?"

"Kagome Higurashi," Sesshoumaru answered without pause.

There was another long eternity of silence and then the old man reacted in a surprising—or perhaps not considering what bloodline he was dealing with—way. Instead of attacking, which Sesshoumaru had assumed might happen, the old priest began to laugh. He gripped onto his stomach as the amount of his laughter continued to rise and the well used muscles there clenched in pain.

Perplexed by the old priest's reaction, Sesshoumaru unfolded from his current position to stand. He towered over the well aged human male and used his height accordingly. "The miko has given her word. Dare you tarnish her honor, old man?"

The miko's grandfather wiped tears from his eyes, gasping for breath and calm. When he finally had the ability to talk, he did so. "It'll never happen, youkai."

"It will. With or without her family's consent, we will commence with a mutually enjoyed double header before this one does the four-legged frolic. I have waited for more than five-hundred years for a taste of her and I _will_ have it."

"Not with a mouth like that, my boy!" the old priest replied, chuckling yet again. He reached out, slapping Sesshoumaru on his arm. "She wouldn't touch such a foul creature with a ten foot pole!"

"This one is not foul."

The old priest looked him over, from the tips of his shoes, up his well polished suit, to the top of his head, and then shrugged. "You aren't bad to look at, youkai, but then those are the ways of your kind. Beauty to hide the beast, no? And my granddaughter is not so shallow as to go for looks alone. You might as well leave now and find some other human to try and bedevil, youkai. Kagome won't have you."

"And what type of male do _you _perceive the miko choosing, old man?"

"A human with a silver tongue," the priest shot back. "Not a youkai with a mouth steeped in sewage."

*DD*

_To be continued…_


	5. Plots, Planning, and Suaveness Lessons?

_Step Five: Sometimes having more than one mind at work can be a good thing. _

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Five: Plots, Planning, and Suaveness Lessons?**

Souta was nearly out of breath by time he was able to race back to where he had left the daiyoukai. He had been making good time with his plans but then his mom had stopped him and required his help. Mentally grabbing onto his nuts and holding onto them least he be greeted upon his return by an overly impatient youkai who was in a nut-ripping mood, he skidded around the corner entrance of the usually quiet and abandoned rock garden dreading to see the dog demon again. Then he came to an absolutely stop, stuffing the magazines in his hands quickly behind his back, as he saw not the daiyoukai but his grandfather. "Grandpa!"

His grandfather turned, eyeing his face red from exertion and the fact that his hands were most definitely hiding something behind his back. "Souta," he said with a nod of his head. "Were you expecting someone else?" he asked with a raised brow.

"N..no," Souta quickly answered, unsure of what his grandfather would think if he knew he'd been in contact with a youkai. After all, Jiji barely tolerated Inuyasha and he was only a hanyou. "I just didn't think anyone else would be here."

"Ah, so you came to meditate?"

_Not really, _Souta thought to himself, adjusting his hold on the magazines as his overly sweating hands were about to drop them. "Yes!"

His grandfather nodded his head in understanding and turned to contemplate the gardens. "Then I shall join you," he continued after a moment. "It has been a long time since we have spent such time together."

_This was so not what I'd been going for_, Souta moaned mentally. "I'd love to, Grandpa, but…but I forgot that mom asked me to do something for her first."

"Of course, but may I suggest that first you place your…magazines…back underneath your bed where they belong? It's unseemly to be running around a sacred place with pictures of naked women. And you know how your sister is when she finds out you've been touching her Cosmos, too. I'd put those ones back first."

His blush could have lit a fire, but Souta nodded his head yes and then turned tail to run for his life. Before he could get far, though, his grandfather called him back again. Reluctantly, Souta poked his head around the corner. "Yes, Grandpa?"

"I forgot to mention to you that should the youkai return here, Souta, I expect you to tell me about it first, please."

"Yes, sir," Souta quickly agreed, relieved in more ways than one to finally be allowed to escape back to hiding in his room. He would NEVER try anything like this again—his nuts and future children be damned.

*DD*

Kagome was laying on her bed, blissfully unbothered and reading a book, when her grandfather knocked on her door and then poked his head into the room. "Kagome?"

"Yes, Jiji?" she answered as she put her marker in to hold her place so she could give her grandfather her undivided attention.

"I'm going out for a bit," he said. "Your mother is running errands and so I want you to keep an eye on Souta for me."

"He's not a little kid any more, Jiji," Kagome said with a smile.

A troubled look passed over his face that Kagome didn't understand…and was her grandfather blushing? "No, he's not, but I still want you to check on him. You're in charge."

"No problem. Have fun with your friends, grandfather!"

He looked like he was going to say something more and then her grandfather just shook his head and closed her bedroom door again. Kagome listened for a bit, hearing him walk down and knock on Souta's door to inform her brother of what was going on. When she heard Souta squawk about being left with _her _in charge_, _Kagome smiled to herself and went back to reading her book. She'd give Jiji enough time to get down the Shrine's steps before she "checked" in on her brother.

*DD*

It had been remarkably easy for him to escape without questioning, Jiji mused as he slowly made his way down the shrine steps. _One of these days I'll never be able to leave the shrine again_, he thought to himself as his old knees protested the constant movement walking down the steps caused. _But would that be so bad? _

He made his way down to the bus stop and reached it right on time. Boarding the bus and showing his pass, he took a seat near the front and got off not too far from the shrine where there was a small hole-in-the-wall bar he often times visited. Going inside, Jiji was relieved to see that the bartender and a bored waitress were the only other occupants beside the daiyoukai, who had chosen to sit in the very back of the establishment where the lights were low.

When the daiyoukai finally bothered to make eye contact with him, Jiji nodded his head in greeting and then walked over and sat down across with him. Dispensing with any niceties, the daiyoukai immediately asked, "What is this place and why have you brought me here?"

"You're an impatient one," Jiji answered and earned a growl of annoyance for his response. "Growling at me won't get you anywhere," he chided as he signaled for the waitress.

The daiyoukai, he noticed, immediately shut his mouth when she came over and moved his body back farther into the shadowed recess he'd chosen to sit in. "I'll have an oolong tea. And for you?"

"I've brought my own refreshment," the daiyoukai replied, looking away while the human female obviously ogled him.

"So it is only my granddaughter that has captured your eye, youkai," he remarked once the waitress had moved away.

At the mention of Kagome, Jiji noted that he once more had the daiyoukai's full attention. "The miko gave her word, old man. I would expect her to honor it."

Jiji waved his hand, wishing to steer the conversation elsewhere. While he honestly did not believe this youkai was only interested in his granddaughter for a lay and that there were actually deeper feelings there, he did not wish to encourage such thoughts or talk. "I come here from time to time to purchase charms from a most delightful woman. It's a quiet place with no prying ears."

The daiyoukai gave a sniff of the air. "Kitsune," he said automatically. "This one wouldn't trust her. She is fooling you if you think your charms are imbued with anything remotely sacred."

"Nice to know," Jiji grumbled. This wasn't how he had planned their meeting to commence, but the Fates did like to twist things from time to time.

The waitress returned then with his tea and set it slowly and carefully down before him. Her eyes kept glancing in the youkai's direction and it was obvious she was trying to be noticed. Eventually she gained it when the daiyoukai fairly snarled at her, "Put the tea down and leave, woman!"

The waitress huffed to herself, smiled pleasantly at him, and then went back to where she had been standing around in boredom. She mumbled something that he couldn't quite make out, but, from the annoyed look on the daiyoukai's face, Jiji guessed it was anything but nice. "You're not much of a people person, I take it."

The daiyoukai merely arched a brow at him, retrieving from the folds of his clothing a small tokkuri ornately painted with an array of sakura blossoms and a matching o-choko. He pulled the cork from the bottle by using a single claw as if it were a corkscrew and then filled the small cup, the smell of Sake quite strong in the air. "We're not going to get anywhere if you don't speak."

"And what makes you believe this one wishes to speak to you?"

"Because you're thinking I'm going to help you get at my granddaughter."

"And are you?"

"No."

The daiyoukai lifted the small cup of Sake, sniffing lightly at the rice wine within before taking a sip. He set his o-choko down and then studied his surroundings, seemingly lost in contemplation, before replying, "This one doesn't need you."

"Oh I think you do, boy."

At that, the daiyoukai's eyes snapped back to his and the gold seemed to ice over. Jiji had never encountered such coldness, but he couldn't let himself be cowed over now. "I am over a thousand years old, little pseudo priest," the daiyoukai hissed. "I have seen more of this land and more of the history of your kind than you can even dream of. Do not address me so commonly."

"Is that age in dog years?" Jiji asked cheekily as he took a sip of his tea.

The daiyoukai's eyes narrowed and flecks of red began to mingle with the gold. "I can see where the miko gets much of her brash stupidity from."

"Look, boy," Jiji said, deliberating still insulting the youkai. "You may not think you need me, but you do. And even though you're a youkai, you're still a male. We males have to stick together and I cannot just sit back and know there's someone like _you _in the world and know I didn't do anything to try and help you."

"And how _exactly _are you proposing to aid _me_, human?"

"By teaching you how to correctly interact with a woman, youkai. Kami knows if anyone needs it, it's you."

Sesshoumaru studied the crazy old man before him. While he quite doubted the human's ability to offer him any worthwhile guidance—as if he, Sesshoumaru needed it-this could be to his advantage. Even more so one than he had first thought talking privately with the insane grandfather of the female his dick currently was dying to fuck would be. In order to "learn" from the old man, he would have to be _around _him…and the priest hardly went anywhere other than the shrine grounds according to the scents of the area. This would mean he would be within the near proximity of the miko…and there would be very little she could do about it. "Very well, old man," he finally agreed as he removed a second o-choko from his clothing and filled it with his personal stock of Sake. "We shall drink together so that good fortune smiles upon the both of us."

Jiji eyed the daiyoukai, who seem to have agreed too quickly for his liking. He had expected more of an argument from this one—especially after what he'd overheard Kagome say about him. Thinking things through, he decided he'd better keep a sharp eye on this pup…just in case. "Very well," he said, accepting the cup of warm Sake from the youkai. "To good fortune."

*DD*

Souta had escaped to the stairs to get away from his tyrannical sister and her mad giggling fits of power and was about to start praying for the return of either his mother or grandfather when he heard the distinct sound of the latter one's voice. He breathed a sigh of relief that his sister's power trip would soon be over and then his grandfather was close enough so that he could hear what he was saying. "…and she had these legs that looked a mile long! And this hot little mouth! So I said to her 'time for your facial, baby' and then…"

Souta closed his ears to the rest in order to preserve his sanity and rushed down the steps to see his grandfather staggering around the corner with the daiyoukai from before walking languidly beside him. The youkai did not look pissed or bored now. No. Now he looked to be entirely engrossed in Jiji's tale. "Grandpa?" Souta said, surprised to see who he was with.

"Souta!" his grandfather yelled out in greeting, waving his hand excitedly as he did.

It was obvious that his grandfather, whom he had never seen like this before, was drunk. Souta turned accusing eyes towards the daiyoukai. "You got my grandfather drunk."

"It seemed appropriate at the time," the daiyoukai admitted with a nonchalant shrug as he came to a stop. "Your grandfather has some very…intriguing…tales, brother of my future feather bed jigger."

His grandfather began chuckling and then staggered over to lean against him. Souta held his head away as the stink of Sake wafted from his grandfather. His mother was _not _going to be happy about this. "Feather bed jigger!" Jiji crowed, still laughing. "What a word for getting a nice piece of ass!"

*DD*

_To be continued…_


	6. I'm A Big Bad Dog

_Step Six: Competition—no matter how insignificant—should be dealt with thoroughly._

**Dirty Dog in Tokyo**

**Chapter Six: I'm A Big Bad Dog**

Sesshoumaru considered himself to be a wise youkai, a masterful tactician, to be quite capable of defending what he considered his, and generally not someone to be trifled with—unless one was the key to relieving several hundred years worth of celibacy, of course. Therefore, because she was one such key, Sesshoumaru allowed the miko a certain leniency that he would not have afforded another bitch. For instance he allowed her the freedom to see whomever she wished to see, which he felt was a very great kindness even though the miko looked at him as if he were half-cocked when he mentioned such.

Reminding himself that he was not dealing with an ordinary female, Sesshoumaru was content to bide his time and wait for the miko to accept the inevitable.

While the miko was away from the shrine going to school or seeing her friends, Sesshoumaru spent a great deal of time with the miko's grandfather, finding the old man an insightful source of information and correcting his miscalculations about youkai. Honestly, Sesshoumaru had not enjoyed such male contact since he was with his father at a very young age.

Occasionally the miko's younger brother joined them—often times running away very red-faced half way through a conversation for some odd reason—and it was during one such time that Sesshoumaru came across a very startling realization. He had actually made a very grave miscalculation where his future cum queen was concerned.

He had competition for the miko's affections in this day and age and had not accounted for it!

Souta had come upon them and mentioned to his grandfather about seeing Hojo's latest gift to Kagome sitting on the kitchen table. Sesshoumaru, having never heard that particular name before, had immediately become concerned and questioned who this Hojo was. It had been the miko's grandfather who'd informed him that this Hojo, this whelp, was a boy who had been trailing after his beloved's treasure box for some time now. And then he learned that the miko was out _with _that particular cur right that moment!

It was no wonder the miko was not falling onto his holy porker! Her attentions were being diverted by an unscrupulous human male…

Sesshoumaru had, after hearing this, immediately departed their presence and gone in search of the miko's mother, who was a fountain of womanly information when it came to Kagome that she freely shared with him. Being the superior creature that he was, Sesshoumaru located her easily and she smiled at his intrusion. "Sesshoumaru-sama," she said in greeting, bowing her head in deference to his station.

"Where is the miko?"

"Kagome? Oh, I believe she went to the movies with Hojo," the miko's mother answered as she turned back to the laundry she was folding. "He's been trying to get her out on a date for months now and she finally accepted the other day."

Sesshoumaru's hand curled into a fist at the mentioning of the human male's name and he forced himself not to display his displeasure. "And when might you expect her return?"

"Oh you know how young people and their dates are, Sesshoumaru-sama," the miko's mother answered with a light laugh. "If you need to leave for some reason, I'll let Kagome know you were here. I know she'll be upset that she missed you."

At that Sesshoumaru snorted, which gained the attention of the miko's mother once more. She set aside the shirt she was folding and came over to where he stood, bolding placing her hand upon his person and showing Sesshoumaru once more where the miko learned her foolishness from. Unaware of the peril she was courting, the miko's mother patted him in a comforting fashion and Sesshoumaru dismissed the urge to move away from her. After all, she might find such a move insulting and it would not do to sour relations with his future bitch's kindred—especially when the miko seemed to enjoy them so much. "I do not believe you have anything to worry about, Sesshoumaru-sama."

"This one is _not _worried," he quickly corrected.

Her smile reminded him of Rin's, from when the child had found him lying wounded in the woods, and he vaguely wondered if she possessed a bad bone in her body. She was forever giving of herself and asking for nothing in return. Such humans were rare and it was a good thing his future bitch came from such stock. Mayhap her mother's temperament would pass on to the daughter after said daughter had had her beaver boxed? Sesshoumaru could only hope. A woman like this would never deny her male a sucking on his sugar-stick.

But first…first he needed to eliminate this Hojo!

"Shall we have some tea, Sesshoumaru-sama?" the miko's mother asked, interrupting a glorious vision of a bloody and writhing headless male's body. "And then we may talk some more."

Sesshoumaru did not truly wish to have tea with this person. What he wanted was to leave immediately, hunt down the miko and her "suitor", and dispense with the foolish male, but haste was not in his repertoire and it would be a foul thing, indeed, to give into such urges now. "If you wish, mother of my stone ache," he said in response, following her into the kitchen.

*DD*

"You seem very unapproachable sometimes, Sesshoumaru-sama," the miko's mother started as she politely poured his tea first and set it before him.

Sesshoumaru said nothing to that as he meant to appear in such a way to most humans. He, instead, picked up the tea and sipped it while waiting for her to seat herself. "I think that may be why Kagome is having so much trouble accepting your friendship."

_Was friendship another word for fucking in her mother's mind?_ "Ridiculous. This Sesshoumaru has made his intentions very clear."

"Perhaps you've made them _too _clear?"

"Explain."

"Well, all human women are different, Sesshoumaru-sama. Some like audacious declarations and offerings. Others would rather have a more calm and sedate wooing. I think Kagome, with what she's had to deal with in her life, craves something more normal."

"And this…Hojo…gives her this normalcy?"

"Oh I wouldn't know that, Sesshoumaru-sama, but I do know that he's a very sweet child. He's in Kagome's class at school and is always bringing Kagome gifts and coming to check on her. I believe he only has Kagome's best interests at heart. You needn't worry that she's going to be hurt by him. Besides, I don't think Kagome's even given him half a chance despite how much he pursues her."

While it was semi-comforting to know that the miko did not take the male's pursuit seriously, Sesshoumaru was still not entirely appeased. She was, after all, out on a _date _with this Hojo right this minute. "Perhaps she has decided to do so," he observed aloud.

"Hm, I think Kagome needs someone of a stronger willpower, though."

"You do not approve of their match."

"Well, I wouldn't say that—"

"But you approve of our…friendship."

"Yes, but—"

Sesshoumaru stood, cutting her off again. "This one shall depart now. Inform the miko that I will return."

*DD*

He was here! She just _knew _it.

Kagome shot another look around her, trying to not let on that she was anything but at ease. She and Hojo were leaving the movie theatre and the distinct niggling sensation of youkai—a particular _daiyoukai_ in fact—was crawling voraciously up and down her spine in warning. "So did you enjoy the movie?" Hojo asked as they walked down the sidewalk.

She forced herself to ignore the daiyoukai's presence, erase the lingering questions as to _why _Sesshoumaru was there, and to pay attention to Hojo. "It was…interesting," Kagome supplied. "Did you?"

Hojo had taken her to see Twilight, an American movie subtitled in Japanese. Apparently the Twilight book series and movies were all the rage now across the world. Unfortunately for her she really had no idea what all the fuss was about. Traveling five-hundred-years into the past on a regular basis did not necessarily keep one up-to-date on current events. "The fight scenes were cool," Hojo answered, reminding Kagome that he'd taken her to see a definite chick flick.

"Thanks for the movie, Hojo," Kagome replied with a smile. "I had a good time tonight."

_His blush could light a fire_, she thought to herself as Hojo stammered a welcome. Then she allowed him to take her hand as he escorted her home.

*DD*

Sesshoumaru observed his female's interaction with the human male, reading her body language and listening to way she spoke to him and him to her.

When the fool proceeded to lay hands upon her, to grasp her fingers with his own, Sesshoumaru scowled and buried his claws into the side of a nearby building. The crumbling concrete beneath his fingers did little to ease the tension within him. Then they proceeded to head towards the miko's home and Sesshoumaru continued to follow…at a discrete distance, of course.

They continued with their mind-numbing small talk with the male doing most of the speaking on the way back to the shrine. When they reached the base of the stairs Sesshoumaru held his breath as the miko faced the male, Hojo. Fortunately for the human male, Kagome only smiled at him, thanked him again for the movie, and then raced up the steps, leaving the simpleton waving after her. "I'll…I'll see you tomorrow," he called after her, longing written all over his face. "At school!"

"Okay, Hojo!" the miko called back, already almost out of sight.

And as soon as he was sure the miko was safely ensconced within the boundaries of her home, Sesshoumaru made his move and appeared behind the young human. "Boy."

The entity known as Hojo—or as someone-soon-to-be-dead in Sesshoumaru's book—jumped at the sound of his voice, but turned with an affable look on his face. "Are you speaking to me, sir?" he asked politely.

"Boy, you will stay away from this one's happy valley."

"Excuse me?"

"The miko's honey-hive belongs to this one, her word given over five-hundred-years ago," Sesshoumaru continued, walking straight up to the other male and utilizing his greater height to his advantage. He did not often enjoy getting so close to humans, but this one before him was beginning to reek of fear—as he should—and the odor of it was quite delicious. "Your attempts at thwarting the conquest of this one's dart of love, unless ceased immediately, will result in bloody consequences for your own family organ."

"What the-?" the human boy began, his eyes glancing towards the stairs where Kagome had gone and then hardening when they looked back towards him. "Are you talking about Higurashi?" he continued, taking a bold step forward to put himself in between the stairs and the youkai before him. "Who are you? And what right do you have to be talking about her that way?"

The boy's sudden defense of and worry for the miko had not been expected, but neither was it a problem. All Sesshoumaru wanted was some loving on his dick…and while that sexual satisfaction could have come from any where it seemed especially important that it come from the miko. Why? Who in the hell cared at this point in time? His balls were already blue enough and, by Kami, no newborn bag of idiotic flesh would stand in his way!

The irritating incursion on his territory would stop. Now.

Sesshoumaru released a bit of his youki, his eyes turning a burning crimson red as he did. He released a low animalistic snarl of warning as he raised his hand and cracked his knuckles, letting the dying sunlight sparkle off the length of his claws as he glared down at the male filth in his presence. Sesshoumaru almost smiled with satisfaction as the smell of urine filled the air and the boy wilted in fright. "This one is someone you do not wish to _ever_ see again, boy. Kagome is mine."

Sesshoumaru left the youth there, standing in a puddle of his own pee, and flew up the stairs with youkai speed, making sure the human noticed his inhuman departure as a final warning.

If the male thought to continue to try and distract Kagome from her proper place again… Sesshoumaru smiled at the picture that came to mind.

*DD*

_To be continued…_


	7. A Good Intrusion

a/n: This chapter of Dirty Dog in Tokyo is dedicated to Kagome357, an avid lover of this series (and a damn fine writer). Her special day is once more upon us and I offer this in celebration of the momentous moment of her first breath taken. The world was blessed that day, my friend. :)

_Step Seven: Sometimes interruptions can be used for the betterment of a situation. _

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Seven: A Good Intrusion**

"Keh," huffed the hanyou as he landed roughly in the clearing that housed the well. He gave the air a sniff, scrunching up his nose as the scent of his brother wafted his way mixed with that of Kagome. Both scents were old, though…

What in the hell had Sesshoumaru been doing here with Kagome?

Deciding the girl, herself, could answer that, Inuyasha jumped up onto the lip of the well. Kagome had been gone almost two weeks now—two impossibly _long_ weeks—and he'd have come after her sooner if that fucking Naraku hadn't decided to make a showing. And where was his illustrious brother when the spider hanyou actually made an appearance? Gone. Just like Kagome.

_Something's not sittin' right, _Inuyasha thought as he jumped down into the darkness.

*DD*

Some part of him had always disliked coming back—or was it forward?—to Kagome's time. The air felt off and the stench took some getting use to. And this time was no exception as the hanyou landed lightly at the bottom of the well in her era. He jumped up to the surface, landing lightly on the cold floor and prepared himself for opening the doors to the well house. That first breath was always a dozy.

Deciding to get the first sniff over with, Inuyasha marched up the steps and threw open the doors. "Fuck!" he yelled as he was suddenly assaulted by something so atrocious smelling he couldn't define it.

Raising the sleeve of his haori to cover his nose, he actually stumbled backwards but the thick black smoke choking the air followed him. Eyes watering, he coughed as he lowered his stance to try and escape the rising plague. "Inuyasha!" he barely made out over the sound of his hacking.

He quickly located the source of his called name and spotted Kagome's little brother running his way, a grin spread across Souta's face as he charged through the smoke with no sign of showing any affects from it. _Lucky humans and their poor sense of smell…_"You're here!"

Inuyasha kinda like the runt—even though Souta wouldn't last two seconds in a fight. "What in the hell is going on?" Inuyasha asked the boy as he backed further into the well house. The farther he was from the doors the less the smell of the strange smoke affected his nose and eyes. "Jiji's purifying the shrine," Souta answered with a nimble shrug of his young shoulders. "Kagome's not here right now. Want some ramen?"

At the mention of ramen, something he had been _without _while Kagome had been merrily prancing around in her time, his stomach gave a rumble of pleasure. "Yeah," Inuyasha answered, giving the doors to the well house and the thick black smoke an abusive look.

Oh the things he did for food…and Kagome.

Charging through the doors, Inuyasha streaked towards Kagome's house, leaving Souta to fend for himself. Once standing safely by the entrance to her home, he was able to look back and see where her grandfather was smoldering the noxious purification concoction before the God Tree. It would be his luck that the winds were carrying the odorous smoke straight towards where he had been. Sniffing, Inuyasha cursed to himself when he realized that his senses had been distorted by whatever it was. Giving a shrug of his shoulders—as there was little in this time that he wasn't prepared for now or that could actually hurt him—he followed Souta inside when the young boy finally caught up to him. "So where _is_ Kagome?" he asked.

*DD*

Kagome gritted her teeth together and folded her arms across her chest in a true feminine example of outrage as she eyed the daiyoukai striding towards her. She stopped and waited for him to arrive, ignoring the attractive sway of his body as he walked. Really. The daiyoukai looked _good _in modern clothing… _BUT!_ she told herself as her mind suddenly decided to take traitorous pathways. _I am pissed at him._

Being angry with Sesshoumaru wasn't something new, either, but it hadn't been this _type _of anger. No. The daiyoukai had really, really overstepped himself this time. "Kagome," Sesshoumaru greeted with a slight bowing of his head in a show of respect.

Her anger waned…just a little. Apparently the time Sesshoumaru had been spending with her grandfather had not been entirely wasteful as the daiyoukai had upped his game and wasn't being quite so lustfully crude in his attentions. Then she was reminded of _why _she was angry with him as she adjusted her bag and her latest gifts from Hojo rattled around inside. "You want to tell me what you said to Hojo, Sesshoumaru?"

Sesshoumaru arched a brow at her question, admiring the fire in her eyes. When the female was pissed she was entirely too fuckable. Angry, panting breaths made her young, nubile hand-warmers rise and fall in the most fascinating way and he had to fight with himself to keep his eyes on her face.

He debated, while the miko glared daggers at him, on whether or not to own up to his actions. After all, the young pup had been intruding into territory that was rightfully his and he, also, was still Sesshoumaru and Sesshoumaru explained his actions to no one. Of course, as he was slowly learning, working towards his satisfaction where this particular female was involved meant stepping outside his usual lines of functioning. It might not hurt to be a bit more open with her about things outside of rutting…but in a restrained way—as her grandfather had cautioned. "This one merely informed the lustful cretin that your cave of harmony belonged to me."

Kagome's mouth fell open in embarrassed outrage. She should have known something like that had happened—dogs were entirely territorial after all and Sesshoumaru had in mind that he owned her (at least where carnal pleasures were involved)—but really. Hojo a lustful cretin? If she hadn't been pissed as hell now, she _might_ have laughed.

Slinging her backpack over her shoulder, she let it drop to the ground, heedless of whatever damage the items within might incur. Zipping open the top, she found some satisfaction when the daiyoukai backed up slightly as the smells from within escaped. "And _why,_" Kagome asked, trying to restrain herself from making too much of a public scene, "Would Hojo have seen fit to give me these before running away from me at school this morning?"

Sesshoumaru, recovered from being assaulted by the odors opening her backpack had unleashed, glanced downwards at where the miko was crouched. Ignoring the mental images of her naked on her hands and knees in front of him as he pounded his cranny hunter into her moist depths, he studied what she was pulling out instead. _Hn_, he thought with an internal laugh that was entirely wicked. _The bag of flesh is stupider than I had thought possible._

Kagome set aside the long strands of garlic that had been the source of her growing anger all day (as everyone stared at her when she opened her bag and the smell of them filled the air) and then fetched the bottle marked holy water and the large Christian cross Hojo had also given her out. She held them in her hands and glared upwards at the now smirking daiyoukai. "Why does he think there are vampires after me?"

"This one has never pretended to understand the simplistic minds of humans," was Sesshoumaru's only reply.

Kagome angrily shoved everything back inside her bag. She just _knew _Sesshoumaru had done some growling or fang flashing at the naive boy and that, coupled with the movie they'd just been to, had fired up Hojo's imagination. But vampires? To her the existence of youkai was a more plausible explanation—but then she was kind of biased there, too, as she knew youkai really _did _exist.

Zipping her bag shut and cutting off the annoying smell of garlic that had hung around her like a cloud all day, Kagome straightened and glared at the daiyoukai. She raised her hand, pointing her finger at him, and resisted the urge to poke him in the chest with every word she spoke. "Stay. Away. From. My. Friends."

"This one is merely protecting that which is mine," he loftily replied, moving forward so that her finger _was _pressed against his chest. His hand rose, easily managing to uncurl her fingers and press them over his heart. Underneath the fabric of the shirt he wore, Kagome could feel his heart beating slow and steady. "And he reeked of human rutting pheromones."

"I have enough trouble with Jiji making up excuses for my absences," Kagome continued, fighting to ignore the draw of his muscular chest, "Without my friends getting _other _ideas."

"Then keep the pup at bay and we shall have nothing more to say to one another." His hand not holding hers against him snaked out to wrap around her waist. He pulled her flush against his body, groaning softly. "Or you might appease this one's sense of standing by allowing me to engage in some muff barking. My tongue hungers for a taste of your screw hole."

"Gah!" Kagome screamed out in frustration. Apparently he needed to spend _more _time with her grandfather—though he had lasted longer than any of their previous encounters before spouting his profane names.

She pulled herself away, surprised when the daiyoukai allowed her retreat. "Just shut up, Sesshoumaru!" she yelled before marching around him and heading for home. What she really wanted now was a bath. Yes. A nice long _soothing _bath…

Sesshoumaru smirked at her retreating form, admiring the sway of her ass in that most delightful school uniform. He had not missed the way she had responded to his physical advances and even his words (though eventually pissing her off again) had made her heartbeat increase. He was wearing down her defenses…finally.

_Ah, my little miko. Fort bushy shall soon be conquered by this one's helmeted soldier…_

He would give her some time to cool down before he continued though…

*DD*

Her anger not dissipating—only seeming to grow—Kagome stormed up the steps to the shrine. She fell into hacking coughs as she was choked by thick black smoke at the top of the steps and quickly moved out of the flow of it.

Rolling her eyes at her grandfather who was seated before the God tree dressed in his ceremonial robes and chanting, she zipped her lips when her boiling anger wanted her to say something unkind. Even as angry as she was, Kagome wouldn't take it out on those who didn't deserve it. She also didn't have to heart to tell Jiji that his purification spells did nothing but drive people away.

Unzipping her bag as she made her way towards her home and her bath, Kagome removed the garlic. _Maybe momma could use it for something_, she mused as she kicked her shoes off and went inside. Making her way towards the kitchen where her mother could usually be found, Kagome rounded the corner and came to a stop as she spied the one person she hadn't been thinking of recently. "Inuyasha?"

The hanyou stood, crossing his arms over his chest and giving her a stern look. The stack of empty ramen containers sitting before him toppled over as he did. "Where in the hell have you been, Kagome?"

Before she could even get a word in, Inuyasha was making his way over to her—his intent very clear in the determined set of his shoulders and ears. He was thinking that he was going to drag her back to the other side of the well no matter what.

She wanted a bath first, damn it!

Dropping her bag down from her shoulders to her hands, Kagome was ready to smack him upside his head with it when Inuyasha suddenly took a hasty back step. "Oi!" he shouted, sounding put off. "What in the hell is with this place today? You fucking stink!"

Kagome had forgotten she'd been holding the garlic and that she probably _did _stink from the mixture of both that and having to walk through her grandfather's purification spell, but that was no excuse for Inuyasha to be so blatantly rude. Between him and his dirty minded brother, she was just about at the end of her rope for the day. And Souta fairly worshiped the hanyou, after all! What kind of example was that for her brother? "Inu…yasha," she ground out, back to where she'd been emotionally before stumbling upon the sight of him.

Inuyasha's ears laid back at the sound of her saying his name and he wisely retreated, placing Souta in between himself and Kagome. "Stay," she hissed, glad when he reacted as if she'd used the sit command.

Dropping her bag where it was, Kagome marched upstairs to take her bath.

*DD*

Sesshoumaru flew over the noxious fumes and landed safely beyond their reach. A quick scan of the area revealed nothing amiss…though there was a scent in the air that _might _be slightly displeasing. How long had the miko been here now? He knew that his hanyou brother was impatiently rash. Had the whelp come back through the well already?

Scowling at the possible intrusion, Sesshoumaru made a quick leap up to the miko's window. He popped it open easily and slipped inside.

He'd been there maybe a minute or two, waiting, when the bedroom door opened and in entered the miko, her hair and body wrapped in a towel. She seemed not to notice him at first, sighing to herself as if she'd cast off a great weight. Sesshoumaru sniffed at her clean scent approvingly and moved to stand behind her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, Sesshoumaru held her still when she nearly jumped out of her fragile human flesh. Appreciative of her barely dressed state, he admired the swell of her breasts that was quite visible above the towel line. "You smell good enough to eat, miko," he cooed into her ear.

"Sesshoumaru!" she gasped, clutching the towel to her tighter. "What are you doing in my bedroom?"

"This one is continuing the hunt," he replied, rolling his groin against her and loving the feel of her plushy backside.

The miko moved forward and Sesshoumaru allowed it if only to see her long, long legs… He was envisioning those legs wrapped securely around him when she turned and pointed one finger towards her window. "Leave, Sesshoumaru."

He raised a brow at her tone and then made a show of sitting down on her bed. That quickly came to an end though when an unmistakable aroma reached his nose. Sesshoumaru stood then, moving himself in between the barely dressed miko and the door to her room just as his half-brother kicked open the door screaming _his_ miko's name at the top of his lungs.

At the sight of _him _dressed in modern clothing and standing in Kagome's bedroom, the hanyou came to a stuttering stop. His human-like eyes widened to unbelievable proportions as the knuckles wrapped around his sword whitened. Inuyasha looked beyond him to where the miko was standing, cherry red in the face and clutching her towel to her body as if it were a lifeline.

There was a long, long, long moment of heavy silence that descended upon them then. The only sound was that of the miko's heavy panting…

"Well I'll be fucking damned," Inuyasha finally muttered, his eyes still traveling between he and the miko and his stance relaxing somewhat.

Then his little brother did what Sesshoumaru had never conceived of. He simply turned, still muttering to himself and now shaking his head with disbelief, and left.

*DD*

_To be continued…_


	8. Two Dogs, One Bone

_Step Eight: Sometimes a little brother can be a useful thing. Sometimes._

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Eight: Two Dogs, One Bone**

"Inu…yasha?"

Kagome's voice seemed to echo as the door closed behind the hanyou's retreating form.

Kagome looked towards Sesshoumaru. The daiyoukai, despite appearing non-phased, seemed just as unsure as she herself was with what had just happened. "Well, that was…odd," she said to break the silence. She'd always had problems with moments of complete quiet.

Sesshoumaru cocked his head to the side, his ears more than likely hearing something she could not—and never would be able to—hear. "Dress, miko," he said suddenly and then he was gone back out her bedroom window.

Kagome, suddenly more conscious than she was before of the fact that she wore only a towel, screeched and picked up the nearest object to throw at her already empty window. _Men, _she grumbled to herself. _The world would be better being populated only by lesbians…And wouldn't Sango have loved that before she discovered Miroku._

*DD*

He approached the half-breed quietly and yet openly. The hanyou was facing towards the well house, his back to him, and dangerous waves pulsed from the half-breed's body. Sesshoumaru was not afraid for himself—knowing he could have handled the hanyou well five-hundred years before and most definitely five-hundred years ahead—but he did fear for the miko and the surroundings she called home. It would be most upsetting to her if such a place were destroyed and that could possibly throw her ovulation out by many, many years…

And he wanted pups, damn it!

"Inuyasha," he said in his most scathing tone, knowing it would be something the half-breed recognized.

"Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha growled back an instant later, turning angrily to meet his gaze. "What the fuck are you doing _here_?"

Sesshoumaru took a moment to debate internally and then decided complete honesty would suit the situation best. Perhaps even being entirely truthful would open doorways he hadn't even realized existed? "I'm here to fuck your miko."

"Fuck my what?" the half-breed repeated, almost unintelligible.

"Your miko."

There was a tense moment of silence where the younger sized up the older. The half-breed's eyes combed over him—seeing what he had been and what he appeared to be now. Then a grin cracked across Inuyasha's face and victory lorded in his eyes. "As if she'd have you."

Sesshoumaru withdrew immediately, caging his thoughts behind a familiar wall. "She'll have me," he vowed, his voice dark. "This one knows she will."

"Oh really?" Inuyasha countered, his hand moving away from Tessaiga as his own confidence increased. "Tell me how exactly in the fuck that will be."

The young pup was too cocky, to be sure. Sesshoumaru longed to beat the truth into him, but knew that served no purpose here. It was a strange thing, the implications of family, but it wasn't something he'd disregarded in his thought process—especially knowing the degrees Inuyasha played in the miko's life. It had taken months of careful study to understand what the half-breed contributed and Sesshoumaru wouldn't toss aside those months of work just because he felt…less favorable…towards his half-brother. "Though you still lack eloquence in your language," Sesshoumaru answered with a disparaging look towards his brother, "I will tell you this. Her altar of love sings when I draw near."

Inuyasha appeared to understand, his head nodding and his eyes contemplative. Then all of that was blown out of the water as his vision suddenly cleared and confusion entered his scent. "Her altar of what?"

"Her pussy, boy," Sesshoumaru clarified harshly, hating the usage of such 'common' wording. "Her body wants me. In time her mind will follow suit."

He had expected everything else but the half-breed's laughter.

*DD*

Kagome threw on her clothing and then rushed outside, not sure of what she'd find and hoping against hope Inuyasha hadn't already destroyed something. She had not, however, expected to find her hanyou friend rolling on the ground in laughter while his brother angrily glared down at him, hands curled into fists at his side.

Coming to a stop, not sure of what to do, Kagome just watched as Inuyasha laughed harder and Sesshoumaru grew angrier. Finally Inuyasha looked up from where he was rolling mirthfully on the ground and noticed her.

His laughter increased.

_This isn't what I pictured happening, _Kagome told herself, but she was secretively grateful, too. Inuyasha had a habit of destroying things as a way of stress-relief. Glancing towards Sesshoumaru, Kagome noticed his countenance growing darker and darker the more her hanyou friend laughed. The hairs rose in warning on the back of her neck. _But I better do something anyway before Sesshoumaru tries to shut him up… _

"Inuyasha, what are you doing here?"

"This fucker," the hanyou giggled maniacally while pointing one finger at Sesshoumaru and ignoring her question, "Thinks he's gonna screw you!"

Kagome shot Sesshoumaru a glaring look that wasn't missed by Inuyasha, who was now doubled over into a curled up ball, grabbing onto his stomach because his laughter was making it ache. "And what's so funny about that?" Kagome asked, feeling slightly incensed now for some reason.

"As if he'd really do it!" the half-breed guffawed. "I mean…look at you!"

_What? _

*DD*

The moment the thoughtlessly said words left his little brother's mouth, Sesshoumaru smirked and stepped back, his own anger receding immediately. He watched the miko still, her eyes becoming hooded with rage. "What?" she said quietly, a dangerous sign where the girl was concerned.

It took his little brother a moment to notice the danger he was in and it took even a moment more for him to control his laughter enough to upright himself. Nonchalantly brushing dirt off his clothing, Inuyasha blushed under the miko's scrutinizing stare. "Aw, Kagome," he said, trying to placate her growing ire, "You know what I meant!"

"No. No, I don't, Inuyasha," she retorted, her arms folding across her chest and one foot tapping a deathly drum beat on the ground.

"You're human!" the hanyou continued to try and explain.

While he _could _have possibly cleared up this mess because he knew what the half-breed had been trying to say, Sesshoumaru merely stayed where he was and continued to smirk, eagerly awaiting the beating to come. "And?"

"And he doesn't like humans!" Once again his little brother pointed angrily at him and Sesshoumaru contemplated removing the finger. After all, one finger would not hinder the half-breed in a fight. Hell, he went over a year with only one arm… "Not to mention you're mine and he'd never want something I've touched."

_Never want something he's touched? _Sesshoumaru raised a brow at that, looking over towards the miko again. He'd always thought she acted overly virginal to his advances, but had he been wrong? Was she intimately involved with his younger brother? Something within soured at the thought—and the mental images—that arose from such a thing. The miko was his, damn it.

"Yours?" the miko replied, echoing his thoughts. She took a step closer to the half-breed and Sesshoumaru found himself carefully studying their body language, trying to see for himself if something had occurred between the two of them. He would tear his little brother's hands off if Inuyasha had touched his miko in an inappropriate way—never mind the fact that _he _wanted that pleasure himself. "I belong to no one, Inuyasha, and what in the hell are you talking about? We've never done anything."

The half-breed shot him a look of loathing and then his eyes went back to the miko. A faint blush covered his cheeks and he leaned forward, whispering something into her ear. Sesshoumaru strained to hear it, but even with his advanced youkai hearing he could barely make out any of what his brother was saying.

A half-second later the miko, blushing furiously, took several hasty steps back. "No," she said quickly and Sesshoumaru found himself almost salivating to know in entirety what his younger brother had said to her. He'd only managed to catch snatches of Inuyasha's whispered words. "No, no, no," Kagome repeated. "Go away."

She spun on her heel and marched back into her home, leaving the two of them outside alone once more. Inuyasha glared after her, a faint color still to his cheeks. Sesshoumaru caught the half-breed shooting him a glance before hastily looking away once more. Finally he could resist no longer. "What did you say to her, little brother?"

"That's none of your business, Sesshoumaru," Inuyasha snapped back, clearly irritated all over again. He marched over to him and stopped less than a foot away. That finger came up again, once more pointing accusingly. "You better leave her the fuck alone. You hear me?"

Sesshoumaru merely raised a brow and his little brother let out another curse. "You haven't changed in five-hundred years, fucker. Why I oughta go back through the well and kick your ass."

"You are more than welcome to try, half-breed, but I do not think you would like the mood you would find this one in right now."

"Or I'll just stick around here and make sure you don't do anything…funny."

"You may observe as I make the miko cock-happy, half-breed. Mayhap it will help you with the problems your nether buddy suffers from," Sesshoumaru added, using his little brother's own words back against him even though he didn't know in full what the mutt had said.

"Hey!" the half-breed shouted. "My dick _ain't_ broke!"

Sesshoumaru held back another smirk and glanced up towards the miko's bedroom window. She was in her room, he knew, and was probably trying to pretend neither one of them existed at this moment in time. If the half-breed stayed, he would be able to use the comparison between them to show the miko who was the better lover. Now all he had to do was convince his little brother to play along…

"Inuyasha, this one proposes a wager."

*DD*

Kagome paced the confines of her room, feeling as if she were a prisoner in her own home while the two brothers remained outside talking amongst themselves. As much as she wanted to go to the window to see what they were doing, she didn't dare because she might draw their attentions back to herself.

And after what Inuyasha had said to her… No. Those things were best left not thought upon, unknown, and disregarded.

Suddenly she stilled, feeling as if very bad things were about to come pounding down upon her. Unable to stop herself, she moved to her bedroom window and glanced down towards the courtyard where the two brothers still stood. Both were staring towards her window…and the look in their eyes made her shudder.

Dropping to her knees, Kagome whispered a quick prayer to the gods above. _I am a miko in danger, damn it. Please save me. Please? _

*DD*

_To be continued…_

A/n: I dedicate this chapter to Landofthekwt (who has provided me with much encouragement for this series). My thanks goes to LordRandallsLady for beta-ing this entry for me and to those who nommed and voted you have my gratitude. This series was awarded second place in Best Humor from the Feudal Association. And I will not tell you what Inu said to Kagome; it's too dirty for even me to repeat.


	9. Poetry in Motion

_Step Nine: Naughty words have not the ability to attract as those words artfully woven do._

**Dirty Dog In Tokyo**

**Chapter Nine: Poetry in Motion**

"My long shaft of love—"

"No."

"My flag pole of pleasure—"

"No!" came a second denial, strongly said and barely giving him time to finish.

Sesshoumaru scowled at his audience, but then straightened once more. "My pulsing pleasure machine—"

"NO!"

"Radioactive rod?"

The silence that greeted his words were answer enough.

Then a strange idea entered his mind. "My retro-love machine," Sesshoumaru continued with a leer of satisfaction, letting his voice trail off as images filled his mind of himself and miko entwined in a moment of passion. The silence of his audience bothered him not in the least as these pictures filled him and hardened him.

His audience, which consisted of both the miko's grandfather and her brother, both groaned simultaneously—after a short pause of awe, he was sure. The younger of the two lowered his head to hide the obvious blush on his face. "I _am _retro," the daiyoukai insisted, feeling the need to argue his point at last. "This one doubts she'd find another cock as old as mine."

"It's not the length or the age," her grandfather insisted with a fisted hand striking the empty air with emphasis as each word left his mouth. "It's how one uses it!"

"Jiji," Souta said, slightly mortified as he felt his blush increase, "We don't want him to…use it…just yet." Was he the only one thinking of his sister's young age?

As if Souta's reminder awakened something within the surprisingly lecherous wannabe priest's mind, the old man's eyes sharpened as he looked the youkai before him over. Yes, he'd found much of himself within the old dog, but that didn't mean he needed to be so accepting! "Yes. Yes," the old priest agreed, which earned the younger of the two a most dirty and mean look from the daiyoukai. "There's talent there, but it's hidden by vulgarity. You must learn that there is a time and place for such talk, youkai."

Souta, sensing that his grandfather had not _quite _understood what he was talking about, cleared his throat and then gulped when the daiyoukai's eyes—still so cold to him—focused on his face. "Perhaps you should begin with some poetry?" he stutteringly suggested.

"Poetry!" crowed his grandfather. "Yes, women love poetry!"

"This one knows no poetry."

Again the weighty stare of the daiyoukai fell upon him and Souta dug deep within himself to find some form of poetry that might be acceptable. Thankfully his grandfather spoke up first. "Roses and red. Violets are blue. Your pussy is cute but—"

"I don't think that'd work, Jiji," Souta interrupted to save himself from hearing the rest of the poem—which earned him two sets of eyes instead of just the one. "He needs something special."

"Such as?" his grandfather asked, appearing slightly miffed to have been interrupted.

Then, quite suddenly, a poem he'd heard in school earlier that week suddenly burst across his mind like a ray of sunshine—or like an angel watching out for him. For surely if he had produced nothing both his grandfather and the daiyoukai would have kicked his ass.

Souta rushed out the words in his head and then turned to look at his grandfather, the least intimidating of the two.

Jiji was staring at him as if he'd lost in mind, but the murmured words of the daiyoukai reassured Souta that perhaps his head was to remain where it was—for now.

"Brilliance."

*DD*

Sesshoumaru waited for the miko to return. His younger brother was nowhere in sight and had not been for some time. The last he'd seen of the hanyou, Inuyasha had been closeted away with the miko's mother. Sesshoumaru had just _known _her ear fetish would get in his way somehow…

Straightening his stance, he pushed such thoughts out of his mind. After all, his ears were just as…pleasant?...as Inuyasha's—though not quite as furry in his humanoid form. _Hm. This one wonders what the miko's mother would think after seeing me in my true glory…_

Thankfully he was saved from having to indulge for long in such thoughts by the arrival of the miko. He stepped forward from the shadows and noticed immediately the tense awareness of the female in his midst. Reminding himself what the miko's grandfather and brother had instructed him in before, he bowed politely. "Might I take your pack?"

"What?"

Had he said the wrong words? "This one offers to carry your bag for you."

"Oh. Yeah. Thanks!" the miko said, brightening obviously from her previous wary form. In his mind he did a fist pump—Souta-style. The miko then handed over the bag with a low groan and Sesshoumaru easily hefted the weight. It was hardly anything—to him, at least—but he felt he'd taken a step in the right direction by offering such.

"And how was your day, miko?" he asked as they began to climb the stairs towards her home.

Was it him or did the miko blush as he questioned her? "It was a day," she answered finally with a shrug of her shoulders. "Tests and quizzes. Homework and studying upon studying."

She fell silent after answering and Sesshoumaru strove to keep her talking. "Did anything of interest happen?"

Her blush deepened—if possible—and she looked away. Sesshoumaru sniffed and read much from her bodily scents. Somehow his younger brother had interfered in her day… He would kill Inuyasha later. "Nothing that I couldn't handle," his miko answered at last.

And that remark brought a slow smile to his face as he could very well picture how the miko _handled _his brother. He would never forget the first time he'd seen the hanyou subdued. Such sweet moments. "Yes. This one is well aware of your ability to handle a nuisance."

She shot him a look out of the corner of her eye, a small smile on her lips. Had they made a connection at last?

Not wishing to put too much pressure upon the bridge they'd finally formed, Sesshoumaru backed away from the subject of Inuyasha. He small talked their way up the shrine steps and, by the time they reached the top, the miko seemed to be in an easy going and accepting mood—though a hint of wariness still hung in her eyes. Sesshoumaru continued to escort her towards her family home, stopping once he reached the base of the steps leading up to the front door. The miko turned to him and he handed over her bag without asking. She took it, groaning from the added weight and muttering something about the studies she'd do that night. "Thanks, Sesshoumaru," she said easily and then stopped. "Wow. I never thought I'd say that…"

Her voice had trailed away in wonder and a silly grin had spread across her face. Sesshoumaru pressed upon her then, while she was trapped in such a mood.

He stepped forward and took her hand into his own. Connecting their eyes, he refused to allow her to look away. "Miko," he said, his tone entirely serious, "This one wishes to impart words upon you before I leave. May I?"

Seeming to be shocked by his request for permission, the miko stayed as still as a doe caught in headlights for a full minute. Then she replied, her voice strangely detached, "It's not going to be about your penis, is it?"

Grateful that her brother had come up with something different, Sesshoumaru shook his head no and hid the chuckle that came forth. The miko let go the breath she'd been holding and then nodded her consent, obviously relieved. _Hm. Perhaps this one needs to pay attention to the younger more than the elder? _

"Miko," Sesshoumaru began, keeping his eyes connected with hers and willing her to see the truth behind his words.

*DD*

"I just don't fuckin' get it!" the half-breed howled, slamming his fist down upon the table top.

A quick look from Kagome's mother had him flattening his ears in apology, but then he scowled up once more. "Why is she even bothering with it?"

"What are you talking about, Inuyasha?" Kagome's mother asked with the same patient tone she'd always taken while she set about taking care of her family's evening meal.

"If she gives in to me, Lord Stick-Up-His-Ass goes away. Forever. Yet she keeps telling me to go the hell away!"

Kagome's mother was silent for a long moment and then she released a long slow breath. "Perhaps something about him interests Kagome," she offered.

"Oh fuck that!" Inuyasha replied, not even bothering to apologize for his mouth.

"Well, there's something about older men," Kagome's mother began and then her voice trailed off.

Inuyasha, smelling her moods and sensing more than any normal human would, groaned out his disgust. "Don't tell me old dirt bags turn you on…"

Kagome's mother shot him a look over her shoulder. "I've never talked with you about Kagome's father, have I?"

Inuyasha groaned anew.

*DD*

Kagome secreted up to her room that night—well, as much as she _could _secret with two dog demons sniffing probably nearby—and wrote down on paper the words Sesshoumaru had said to her earlier.

They were cheesy. They were ENTIRELY cheesy. But something about them…affected her. Something about them twisted her insides the way nothing else had. Was something wrong with her?

Kagome stayed up most the night, focusing on these words, what they meant, and on Sesshoumaru's tone of voice as he'd said them—as well as the look in his eyes. No studying was done, but, for the moment at least, Kagome didn't give a care.

*DD*

"He's a fuckin' Lolita chaser!" yelled Inuyasha.

Kagome, still barely making her awareness of the world, gave him a glare and then turned away. The hanyou, she knew, made up a screwed-up face at her refusal to listen—but who _really _wanted to listen to that first thing in the morning. "I have a history test today, Inuyasha," she tried to explain.

"Well," her hanyou friend said with a puff out of his chest, "I'm all ABOUT history."

At that, Kagome rolled her eyes. Little did the hanyou realize the history she studied in school had nothing to do with youkai. Five-hundred years in the past mountains that had been youkai were nothing but mountains in present. Magical things had no place in human history.

Sensing he'd lost her, Inuyasha rushed up to Kagome's side once more. The bandana on his head, hiding his ears from the other humans, bothered him greatly and he wanted nothing more than to rip it off. Knowing how Kagome would react, though, he stayed his claws. Instead he fell into step beside her, staring at her until the weight of his gaze forced her to stop and turn to face him. "You are not going to school with me today."

"Give in and kiss me and I'll go away."

For days now Inuyasha had been pestering her with this kissing business. Once upon a time her heart would have jumped for joy that he wanted her affections—and still slightly did but such were the pains of first loves—but she knew that Inuyasha wasn't _truly _interested in her in such a way. He just wanted to beat Sesshoumaru at something. Oh Kagome was well aware of what "bet" the daiyoukai had laid at his brother's feet and, while a small part of her wanted to see the daiyoukai defeated, she refused to lower herself in doing so. She would just outlast them! Sesshoumaru had never conceived of her _not _giving in, after all. Maybe if she outlasted them, she could then call the shots?

Laughing inside her head and sure she was certifiable then, Kagome grinned to herself. She was a damsel in distress no longer, by Kami! No. Now she was a damsel in defiance! "I'm not kissing anyone, Inuyasha," she ground out between clenched teeth when Inuyasha continued to stare at her.

"Fuckin' Lolita-chaser," the hanyou huffed again under his breath as he folded his arms across his chest. He _ had _to have learned the term from Souta at some point in time.

Kagome raised a brow at him, feeling saucy with all her defiance. "And what are you then?"

"Huh?"

"How old are you, Inuyasha? Two-hundred? Two-hundred and fifty? And you want me kiss you. Now what does that make you?"

He scowled at her, knowing she'd hit the nail right on the head where his latest Lolita argument lay. Honestly Kagome couldn't have cared less what arguments he gave, but she was tired of hearing this one over and over again—especially when it applied to Inuyasha himself. And couldn't he come up with ANOTHER argument against her kissing Sesshoumaru? There had to be _something _after all besides the fact of ages.

_Don't you love me and want me?_

Huffing to herself, Kagome redirected her thoughts and readjusted her hold on her backpack. Thanks to Sesshoumaru and his surprising tactics, she'd gotten no studying done last night and now she was about to pay for it. "Go home, Inuyasha," Kagome ordered in a tone she knew Inuyasha knew better than to argue with. "You can bug me when I'm done with school. And if I see you a moment before the last bell, you won't be needing to worry about what Sesshoumaru is chasing after."

The threat of her words made the hanyou remain behind as she continued on her way.

*DD*

Several hours later, locked in her classroom, Kagome doodled on the edge of her paper Sesshoumaru's words…

_I want to get close to you_

_Like shoes with lace_

_Teeth with braces_

_Orsentenceswithoutspaces._

So cheesy…

But maybe she was a cheesy kind of girl?

*DD*

_To be continued…_

A/n: My thanks to those who've nommed this for the Best Humor/Parody category on Dokuga. I'm so pleased to find so many with the same sense of humor as I. :)


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