Criminal Minds 1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters, I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4, it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms' where it then flies off into AU territory ;)

Note: This entire epic fic was inspired by the episode of Any Richter Controls The Universe where Jessica is addicted to partying every night… also too much time spent on the Criminal Minds blog: Texts from last night… Seriously... my job has a lot of hurry up and wait time...

*Memoriam*

"Sooo..."

Emily peaked a blurry eye out from under the hand that was holding her head as though she thought it might roll away if she let go. "Sooo..." she repeated back to her pregnant friend.

"Are you gonna tell us what happened to you last night?" JJ chuckled.

"Who's 'us'?" Emily said, sending a confused look to Hotch who sat across the plane sternly going over reports and looking not the least bit interested in poor Emily's epic hangover.

"I thought interrogating you in the air would yield better results than waiting for my intrepid team to get back!" came a way-too-perky-for-this-bad-a-hangover voice from the laptop beside JJ. Emily groaned.

"Pen thought we'd get more out of you if you couldn't escape" JJ clarified.

"I know there's a parachute around here somewhere" Emily grumbled, firmly replacing her hand over her eyes. Even the subdued lighting of the jet's cabin was proving itself nauseating. "besides, I hardly even remember. I am still piecing it all together."

"Oh my dear lush kitten, it can't be that bad!" Garcia laughed from her screen.

"You can't cop out on me like that, Em!" JJ agreed "I am trying to live vicariously here! Although..." she cringed "looking at you right now these sore feet and this untamable heartburn isn't sounding so bad."

"Maybe we could do one of those hocus-pocus mind-meldy cognitive interviews of yours!" Garcia suggested brightly before lowering her voice into a pretty good impression of Derek Morgan's low velvety tones. "Breath deep, relax, what's the last thing you remember..." JJ giggled, Emily glared.

"I was playing slots and downing buckets of gin in the lobby... I was winning... Then I woke up the next morning in my hotel room wearing nothing but a t-shirt reading 'ass, gas, or grass; nobody rides for free'" Emily groaned out, moving her hand to see her friends disbelieving faces and immediately regretting it. "I am gonna go vomit now" she told them calmly before dashing for the back of the plane.

"She's so melodramatic when she's hangover" JJ snorted followed by a chuckle that quickly grew into a loud laugh.

"Um, I don't think she was being melodramatic" Garcia grinned wickedly. "I know that shirt. I bought that shirt."

JJ looked confused for a moment before realization painted its way across her face. "You bought that shirt for Morgan for secret Santa a few years back... Oh my god Pen, do you think..."

"Think that Emily ended up in the bed of a certain mocha Casanova last evening?" The tech beamed. "That's exactly what I think!"

"Garcia, IF that is what happened, why would she tell us about the shirt? She knows we'd put it together" JJ shook her head.

"Because I don't think she remembers Jayje" Garcia gasped. "You heard the woman, party girl blacked out."

"Ok, but Morgan can't be the only one with a shirt like that; there are any number of other ways she could have ended up in that position..." JJ played devils advocate and yet the more she thought about her friend's hypothesis the less outlandish it sounded.

"Oh but my sweet. There's an easy way to find out," Garcia chirped as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "We simply need to ascertain whether or not our sculpted hunk of man candy is still in possession of the shirt in question. I happen to have photo evidence that as of last weekend he still owns it. He wore it to my place when he fixed my air conditioning. What would the chances be of him retiring that shirt the same week Emily mysteriously ends up with one just like it?" Any rebuke that JJ may have formed was silenced by the return of a very green looking Emily collapsing back into her seat.

"You guys look scheme-y" Emily pouted. The two blonde women simply winked at each other.

"There is sleuthing to be done!" Garcia announced just before her screen blinked away.

"You really don't remember?" JJ asked her friend with concern. Emily only growled and stretched out to find a comfortable sleeping position. She had neither the stomach nor the energy to find out why her friends looked so smug.

*CM*

As awful as it was to watch a friend go through the turmoil of his past revisited, Derek was happy for the distraction that Spencer Reid's troubles presented. Although, Derek had to admit that sitting in a stuffy hotel room watching soaps wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind when Rossi suggested they stay behind to help out.

"Prentiss had a rough night" The older agent laughed beside him.

Derek shot him a dark look and shrugged. "Prentiss had a great night" He corrected, trying hard not to sound defensive. "Just a rough morning"

"I wonder what she got up to" Rossi pondered knowingly. Derek shifted uncomfortably but said nothing, wondering how much the seasoned profiler could possibly know. The fact was the night before had been everything Derek had wanted for years now and yet so incredibly not the way he imagined it would happen.

Derek had found Emily dressed to the nines at the slot machines in the lobby trying to politely but firmly tell some sleaze bag to beat it. He remembers the jealousy boiling over as he ran to her side, wanting more then anything to beat the man senseless for having the audacity to think he had a shot with a woman like Emily Prentiss. Instead he'd sauntered up and thrown his arm around her, he'd called her 'princess' and pulled her close, had pushed his nose into her thick dark hair and inhaled her intoxicating scent.

When her would-be suitor got the message and left Derek had braced himself for her to hit him, or at least say something sarcastic and pull away from him. Instead she'd turned into his possessive embrace, pressed her smiling face into his neck and murmured a 'thank you' that reverberated through his entire body and left him gasping. Derek isn't sure how long they stayed like that before Emily had pulled back, cashed out her sizable winnings, and, with that large toothy grin that nearly stopped his heart every time she flashed it, told him they were going to have some fun.

Derek was brought back to the present by Rossi's chuckle. "Do you know something about what Prentiss got up to last night?" he asked with a smirk.

"Naw man" Derek denied coolly. "That girl's too crazy, even for me." It was obvious that Rossi didn't buy a word of this but Derek simply tuned him out.

One thing he is glad for is that this morning had gone rather smoothly compared to what he'd been expecting. There was no awkwardness, no avoidance, no nervous glances or muttered regrets. He'd thought for sure when she'd snuck back across the hall to her own room wearing only his shirt and clutching her dress from the night before, that she'd take the first opportunity the next morning to tell him it would never happen again.

Derek had expected a carefully prepared speech about how she really liked him but they work together, followed by excuses about having had too much to drink. But she'd accepted his peace-offered coffee with a sheepish smile and later she had even touched him, allowing her hand to drag slowly over his shoulders as she passed by him before slumping into her chair. He was so overjoyed with her seeming acceptance of their night together that he hadn't even taken it personally when she'd dramatically professed her hatred of Vegas.

He just wished they hadn't had so much to drink. He wished he'd been able to properly woo her, because as it stood he felt like the whole thing could too easily be dismissed as an overzealous party night, a brief but intense intimacy between good friends and nothing more.

TO BE CONTINUED!

Please feel free to review, I love to hear what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters, I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4, it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms' where it then flies off into AU territory ;)

Author's Note: Thanks a million for all the reviews! I so enjoy reading your excitement, insights, and encouragement!

*Memoriam*

Emily is still mentally cursing the city of Las Vegas, maybe even the entire state of Nevada just to be sure, when she steps out of the washroom and makes her way back to her desk. She can't find her make-up bag, she knows she must have left it in her hotel room and knows everything in it is easily replaceable, but while she'd managed to make herself presentable enough before meeting the team to leave for the airport, a long nauseous flight and a whole lot of head and eye rubbing has her feeling like she could use a freshening up. Really though the make-up bag is the least of her troubles. Emily is still grasping at the edges of her memories of the night before.

She'd been very relieved and oddly proud of herself when she'd woken up very much alone in her own bed. Emily didn't like to make a habit of having drunk and anonymous sex in strange cities but she'd be lying if she claimed it'd never happened and the dress she found herself donning combined with the fervor with which she'd attacked that first double gin and tonic had her fully expecting a night of regrettable if not down right embarrassing debauchery. Her relief was, of course, short lived when she realized what was out of place. She wasn't wearing her own clothes.

Piecing together a forgotten night in Vegas is like profiling in a lot of ways. Details, like say waking up in clothes different from what you remember leaving in, come together with other details; like that said clothes do not belong to you, to form critical questions: whose clothes am I wearing, and how did I get into them?

Sometimes the answers to those questions lead only to more confusion: Emily certainly cannot think of anyone she knows who owns a shirt like the one she woke up in. Who would wear such a crass statement so boldly?

Sometimes the obvious answers to those questions lead you to firmer realizations: In order to get into someone else's clothing she must have first removed her own, and on a drunken night in Vegas that could only really mean one thing...

Just when Emily thinks that the spinning of these thoughts is going to send her running back to the ladies room for another meeting with the porcelain gods she is pulled aside by JJ and an amiable but nervous looking Agent Todd. She is happy for the distraction, happy for the light banter and the chance to focus on making the green agent on loan from counter-terror feel welcome in the BAU. Emily remembers how daunting it was to be faced with this tight-knit group only a few short years ago, and even if Agent Todd's stay here is temporary, Emily is eager to make it a smooth transition for the young woman.

"I think JJ snagged the last viable donor" she jokes along in answer to Todd's questions about family, but as the words slip passed her lips the icy fingers of panic clench around her gut and again that run back to the washroom is looking like a good idea. Her pills were in her make-up bag. Did she remember to take one this morning? But before she could fallow the thoughts any further Hotch was there to offer suitable distraction.

The distraction of work only lasted as long as it took Garcia to track down the information they wanted and get Derek on the phone. She was prepared for the flirting, prepared for the pet names and the innuendo. But she is not prepared for the tingle up her spine and the nagging in her brain at Derek's words. "You know I prefer the in-room entertainment." Emily hopes desperately that her eye roll has covered up any other reactions to her sudden flooding back of memory but, just in case, she escapes her tech goddess's domain the moment their discussion is over.

_"Come on, agent Morgan, we are gonna have some fun." Emily isn't sure what's possessed her to take Derek along for the ride tonight. She has always known that spending time with Derek Morgan outside of work without the rest of the team around is a dangerous idea and for this reason she normally avoids situations like this. Because there is something about the dark man that Emily could see herself diving into all too easily and while she has never before walked the tight rope of coworkers/lovers herself she knows allowing herself those thoughts about Derek Morgan would only lead to trouble._

_Emily is both thrilled and terrified when Derek shows his willingness to follow wherever she may lead. He watches her intently all night, through several more drinks and shots, another big win at the craps table, and heated dancing in a packed bar with black lighting that sets the blue of her dress and his jeans aglow. Every spur of the moment, outlandish, and seemingly random suggestion her booze-soaked mind comes up with he agrees to easily. They rode the roller coaster on the tower of one hotel, he taught her to swing a bat in the batting cages of another, they even managed to lie their way into a very high end gallery party featuring an artist Emily seemed to be fond of but they were found out and barred when one of Derek's cheesy jokes had her doubled over and gasping for breath between loud laughter. The whole night he keeps up with her, matching every smile, every flirtatious innuendo, and every seeking touch which sends lightning bolts through them both._

_She tells herself she's really only testing him when she suggests they take the rest if her winnings to a strip club, she makes a cheesy joke about the Champaign room but his dark look stops her short._

_"I was thinking something more private" his deep voice husked in her ear. "Why don't we head back for some in-room entertainment?"_

*CM*

"Don't you hang up quite yet, Derek Morgan" Garcia chides as Reid storms off and Emily then Hotch sign off of the call. "I need a moment alone with you, Studly."

Derek turns off the loud speaker and brings the phone to his ear. He double checks that Rossi has moved along after Reid before answering his friend in a deliberately low and sultry voice. "Just what is it I can do for you baby girl?" There is a pause as Garcia confirms her own end is clear of possible eaves droppers.

"I want to hear all the deliciously sinful details of your night off in Vegas" the blonde chuckles over the line, adding a drawn out 'duh!" for effect.

"You know I don't like to keep you waiting, mama, but I haven't exactly got time at the moment" Derek answers slowly. He is sure that, thought the two are close, Emily wouldn't have mentioned anything to Garcia before he'd had a chance to talk about it with her. Even then, Emily knows her friend's penchant for juicy gossip and he doesn't think she would dangle that kind of temptation in front of the tech knowing how hard it would be for her to keep her mouth shut about it. But the profiler in him knows without a doubt that Penelope Garcia wouldn't be asking him this now over the phone if she didn't already know something.

"It's a 17 year old cold-case, Muffin, what's another few minutes?" Garcia whines playfully. "besides, I can't get more then a grumble out of Emily about it and I thought if you'd seen her last night you could fill me in on what the mysterious vixen may be playing so close to the vest."

"Uh huh" Derek replies, letting his skepticism be heard in his voice. "Well, I wish I could tell you." he shrugs. Garcia is a lot of things, but subtle is not one of them. He knows she's got something, and judging by the confidence in her voice it's something big.

"Well then maybe you could tell me about that shirt I got you for secret Santa." She comes in for the kill with a giggle. "Ass, gas, or grass; nobody rides for free" the blonde sings. Derek groans. How on earth could she know?

"What about it?" He fanes ignorance, but he knows the blonde has him right where she wants him.

"Where is it?" To any outsider the question would sound casual and innocent but Derek knew better. He also knew the blonde would know if he lied so he opted for vague.

"Probably right where I left it." he ventured. Garcia giggled again.

"you mean on the otherwise naked body of a certain brunette we know?" she teased, "I guess it must be lost then because she certainly isn't wearing it now."

"Goodbye baby girl" Derek growls, wanting nothing more then to put an end to the conversation, but he is stopped by Garcia asking him to wait, her voice suddenly serious.

"Look, Derek, I don't know what happened exactly but I can guess" she tells him. "And if I've guessed right let me be the first to congratulate you. You guys are perfect for each other! But Derek, whatever happened last night, I don't think she remembers It." her voice holds her serious tone. Derek knows she is not blind to his feelings for Emily and he appreciates that she knows how much this means to him and realzes that the information she just shared is breaking his heart.

"What do you mean?" he asks. "How do you know?"

"Because she told JJ & I that she woke up in that t-shirt. She made it sound like a joke." Garcia retold. "I am no profiler, but she wouldn't make a joke like that if she knew it would imply you two had crossed the line, and if you DID cross the line and she knew the shirt was yours she wouldn't have mentioned it at all."

Derek thanked Garcia quietly before hanging up his phone. He knew his reaction had pretty much confirmed what Garcia had already deduced, but he didn't care. Garcia was a gossip yes, but more importantly she was a good friend and he knows she'd respect him enough to keep the conversation between them.

Could Garcia be right though? Could Emily have woken up in her own room this morning and not remembered what they'd done the night before? Suddenly the lack of awkwardness this morning seemed less comforting and a lot more damning. Worse still, Derek found himself overwhelmed by a near consuming guilt, what had happened between he and Emily the night before was a dream come true for Derek, but what if he'd taken advantage of his best friend? She'd certainly seemed like a more than willing participant, but if she'd had enough to drink that she didn't remember any of it, was she really able to give her consent?

These thoughts plagued him over the rest of the day, not even a twist in the case or the thrill of finally solving it seemed to distract him. Frequently he would pull out his phone and start composing a text message, but every time his fingers would hover nervously over the 'send' button before deleting it instead. He needed to speak with her face to face. Finally, as he entered his hotel room to pack everything up, he sent her a short message.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of it's characters, I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4, it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms' where it then flies off into AU territory ;)

*Memoriam*

Apparently the magic cure for hangovers is adrenaline. Emily has figured this out because the instant Garcia announced to the bullpen that their JJ was in labour she felt a surge of it wash over her. Now, sitting in a triage room steadily applying counter-pressure to the small of JJ's back, Emily realizes that her headache and nausea have been blessedly absent ever since.

"Ugh, I want to go in now, I want my epidural" JJ pouts. Emily smiles her pity at Will who is grasping JJ's hands and quietly whispering her through the surges of her uterus.

"I know Jen" he drawls quietly. "But with the contractions still only ten minutes apart and less than a minute long you're still technically in early labour. They want you to advance a little further before they admit you."

"Maybe you'd be more comfortable laboring at home for a while?" Emily ventures from her place behind the blonde. "This triage room is empty for now but we may end up having to share it and I think you've likely got a long way to go."

"Shut up" JJ glared at her. Again Emily smiled.

"Think of it like a marathon Jayje." She said with a comforting pat on her back. "You'll feel much better at the finish line if you pace yourself."

"I'll stay here." JJ insisted.

"Ok but you should try to relax, babe, I could dim the lights or something?" Will offered. "Penelope's gone to get you a drink; maybe she could bring a snack as well?"

"I'll call her" Emily jumped at JJ's nod, shaking out her arm, tired from pressing firmly into JJ's back, as she went.

Emily nearly dropped her phone as she picked it up when a message alert scrolled across her screen. It was from Derek, the very sight of his name made her heart leap into her throat. _'Case closed, on our way home. Can we talk when I get back?'_ with a sigh she exited the message and pulled up Garcia's speed dial. She coasted through the exchange with Garcia tiredly and when it ended she allowed herself to simply stare at her phone and loose herself in thought.

Emily had a pretty good idea what Derek wanted to talk about. Since earlier that afternoon when his turn of phrase had brought the first hazy memories back up to the surface of her mind she'd spent most of the day sorting through subsequent images of the night before that had come up. Now as late afternoon was drawing into evening Emily was pretty sure she'd finally remembered every last detail.

If she were honest, Emily would admit to herself that she wasn't quite sure what to think or feel about the whole thing. There was the obligatory surge of panic that overtook her at the realization that she'd slept with a coworker, but on the other side of that panic was something a little warmer, a little smugger, a little excited about the turn her relationship with Derek had taken. Until now though, Emily's thoughts had not had the time to consider Derek's side of things, and his request that they talk when he got back made her uneasy.

"Em" JJ's pinched tone interrupted her musings. "I need your magic hand back" Emily nodded and retook her place behind the blonde, her hands quickly finding the right spot and pushing as hard as she could. "Oh thank god" JJ moaned. Will and Emily chuckled. "So are you going to text him back?" She asked as the surge passed.

"Text who back?" Emily smiled, for a smart woman she played dumb real well.

"I take it, by your evasion, you remember what happened now?" JJ asked, ignoring Emily's play at ignorance. Emily nodded.

"Remember what?" Will asked idly.

"Emily slept with Derek last night." JJ answered casually. Emily cringed.

"And didn't remember it?" Will chuckled.

"Not until earlier this afternoon" Emily admitted sheepishly. "How did you figure it out?"

"Garcia recognized your description of the shirt you woke up in as the one she bought Morgan for secret Santa a few years ago." JJ shrugged. "We put the pieces together."

"Put what pieces together?" Garcia chirped from the doorway of their triage room. Emily groaned.

"Emily's got her memory back" JJ answered, causing Emily to groan again.

"Oh good!" Garcia sang as she handed JJ a can of juice and some graham crackers. "That means you can give me all the juicy details your hunk if burning love refused to give up."

"Now is hardly the time." Emily scolded, motioning to JJ's stomach. "More important things are happening."

"But it's a marathon, Em." JJ whined, throwing Emily's words back at her. "The distraction will help me relax and then I can pace myself." she insisted.

"I don't even know what to tell you" Emily gave up with a deflated sort of shrug. "I am stuck somewhere between embarrassed and mortified. I slept with a coworker... And I didn't even have the good grace to remember it the next morning."

"It happens, my dove." Garcia consoled lightly. "But I am more interested in what you're going to do about it."

Emily was saved from having to answer the question by JJ's now familiar grunt that another surge was starting. The brunette concentrated on applying the desired pressure to her friend's back while Will whispered encouragement and Garcia prepared a straw to have juice available as soon as JJ came out of it.

"She could start by texting him back." JJ suggested as she breathed some needed looseness into her abdomen when the surge had gone. "I don't know what he said, but she stared at the phone for nearly 8 whole minutes without responding." JJ accepted the juice from Garcia and the two shared a smirk.

"What did he text?" Garcia asked.

"He wants to talk" Emily sighed. "And I'll talk with him, but I am not going to talk about it with you lot anymore." she said firmly. "Unless..." her voice escaped from her, quiet and unsure before Emily could stop it.

"Unless what?" Garcia urged.

"Unless you tell me what he said to you." Emily ventured, hating the desperate tone the request took on. "You said he wouldn't tell you anything, which means you did speak to him about this. He must have said something."

"He didn't" Garcia assured her. "He didn't deny anything but he wouldn't answer any of my questions ether. He knows how much you value your privacy and you're more than just another notch to him, he would never actually tell me anything."

Emily nodded slowly, the bubbly hacker's words putting her at ease. More than anything she had been worried that her actions had lost her the respect of a man she strived to impress; knowing an alpha male like Derek Morgan saw her as an equal had become a great point of pride to Emily over the years. Garcia's assurance that he still respected her, that he didn't see her as just another conquest, went a long way to settle some of the uneasiness she felt at the prospect of confronting him.

*CM*

Derek checked his phone for what felt like the millionth time since he'd finally sent Emily the message that he wanted to talk. So far she hadn't messaged him back and the profiler part of his mind couldn't help but dissect and catalogue all the different things that could mean.

Garcia's text that JJ was in labour had mentioned that Emily had accompanied them to the hospital, but judging by the updates the tech was still sending out every 30 minutes it wasn't as though there wouldn't be time for Emily to respond. Her silence was unsettling, and if he let it upset him he thought it would be easy to be angry with her, but those feelings were still overshadowed by guilt. How do you tell a good friend that you took advantage of them, that you shared an intimacy with them that they no longer remember?

Rossi kicked him across the aisle of the jet as yet another sigh passed through Derek's lips. "Are you going to tell me what's going on or are you just going to sit there sighing all night?"

"It's none of your damn business" Derek glared checking his phone again.

Rossi rolled his eyes. "Just call her already." He said. "She hates communicating via text message."

Derek didn't even bother to ask how Rossi knew who had him in such a state. The man just seemed to know everything without ever being told and his resulting arrogant manner left no question why so many women had divorced him. Derek glared out the small port to his left while he tapped the phone impatiently against his leg.

"I haven't figured out what to say to her yet." He admitted darkly. Derek had been running through every possible direction their conversation could go for hours and not a single one seemed to ring true for him.

"Well, I am not exactly the best source for successful relationship advice, but as a man who's managed to stay on speaking terms with 2 out of 3 ex-wives I'd say the truth is a good place to start." Rossi shrugged. "Do you like her?" Derek nodded slowly. "Want to see her again?" Derek nodded again at the older man's question. "Then I'd say lead with that... That way if she kills you after only a sentence or two you'll at least get it off your chest."

"Thanks, Rossi, you sure do give a good pep talk." Derek scowled.

The seasoned profiler gave his signature arrogant smirk and moved his eyes back to the book in his lap. "That girl's like a daughter to me, the last thing I want is for you to go into this with too big a head."

"Come on man" Derek huffed. "I know I've got this reputation around the bureau. I am almost as infamous as you were in your day." he dug at his companion. "But that's not me anymore, Rossi. I don't want that to be me anymore."

The older agent seemed satisfied by the sincerity of Derek's claims and gave him a nod and a proud smile. "Good" he soothed, then added wickedly. "Because from what I know of her real father, if you hurt her we'll never find your body."

*CM*

"JJ he is absolutely beautiful." Emily crooned at the tiny newborn in her arms. She's not quite sure how she got here really, one moment she was helping her friend through early labour in a semi-private triage room, the next JJ was insisting she had to come with her to the delivery room.

JJ, like nearly every laboring woman since the dawn of time, had found within herself the rhythm of life and shortly thereafter a ritual emerged: a deep relaxing breath, her fiancé's low drawls of encouragement, Emily's strong hands supporting her back and hips, another deep breath and the surge was over. By the time she'd progressed far enough to be admitted this ritual had become a lifeline and Emily, recognizing this, had nervously agreed to accompany the blonde beyond the admitting desk.

"Thank you" JJ grinned dreamily. "I couldn't have done it without you, Em."

"Oh yes you could have." Emily chuckled. "But I was honored to be a part of it. It was so uplifting to watch a new life come into this world when our job revolves so tightly around death."

Emily knew she should return the hours old infant to his proud parents, but she took an extra moment to examine him. She was on a high so incredible it was hard to believe she'd been praying for death to escape a level ten hang-over not 12 hours ago. Never in a million years would she have thought that witnessing the birth of a child who had no relation to her would be so life altering, and so humbling. Whatever baggage she carried, whatever skeletons she hid, whatever anxieties she had about her own future in this moment, she was holding physical proof that there was beauty and light in this world despite all the darkness she saw day to day.

"I better hand him back before Garcia returns" Emily chuckled, finally moving to place the baby back into his mother's waiting arms. "She somehow forgave being booted to the waiting room when you were admitted; I don't think she'd forgive me if she knew I got the first cuddle."

As if the tech knew she was being discussed she breezed into the room in a flurry of shining balloons and bright flowers. "I have all that you asked for!" she announced before listing the items she'd been sent to retrieve for her recovering friend. She was followed not long after by Reid and although Emily was enjoying her time with the new family she was happy for Will's suggestion that they take their leave. Emily needed rest, and more rest, and possibly something to eat and then she knew there'd be no more avoiding the issue she needed to face.

To her shock, the opportunity to procrastinate over sleep and food was taken out from under her when Emily quite literally ran headlong into the solid brawny chest of the issue she wished to avoid as she was rounding the doorway of JJ's hospital room. The chest vibrated with a deep chuckle at her 'oof' of forced air and a pair of strong arms reached out to steady her.

"Hey" Emily greeted awkwardly. Her eyes darting over to where Garcia and Will were sneaking off down the hospital corridor shaking their heads. She tried desperately to keep the panic from her face as she finally turned her large dark eyes on Derek. "I was just about to call you." she told him. It was almost a lie, plans of further avoidance aside she knew that in the quiet of her own home she'd never be able to resist the urge to call and get the whole thing over with.

Derek let out a breath. "What do you remember?"

Emily is certain she had never heard Derek Morgan sound so unsure of himself. She pressed a reassuring smile to her face. "Everything. How could I forget?" his reply was a narrow look that made her blush, of coarse he knew all about the morning's amnesia; surely she had Garcia to thank for that. "Maybe we should..." Emily waved her hand desperately in the direction of the exit as her voice trailed off, but as she watched determination slip over Derek's dark features she knew he'd much rather hash it out right here and now.

"I am sorry, Em." He ground out. "I didn't realize you'd had that much to drink, you must know I'd never take advantage of you like that on purpose."

Emily was surprised by his apology. "I don't feel taken advantage of" she told him softly. "I trust you."

"That's exactly why it shouldn't have happened." Derek insisted. The moment the words left his mouth though he knew it had been the wrong thing to say, panic rose up in his chest as he watched Emily's shy smile deflate with disappointment, then set into a stern line.

"You're right." She agreed coolly. "We both had a great time but we shouldn't have, and it won't happen again, thanks for being cool about this." Before Derek could form a response she was gone, slipping past him and vanishing around a corner towards the exit and leaving him in a confused cloud of her lingering scent. He sighed heavily and rested his forehead against the cool wall beside JJ's hospital door. He had imagined a dozen or so different ways that conversation could have gone, but none of them looked like that. He'd forgotten to account for his own stupidity on the subject of continuing relationships beyond one night.

TO BE CONTINUED!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters; I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4; it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms' where it then flies off into AU territory ;)

Note: Thank you all so much for all the great reviews! Please keep them coming, they motivate me to keep writing!

*Masterpiece*

Derek is beyond frustrated with himself. Not only has Emily been distant and aloof around him since their talk in the hospital, but it would seem he just can't win with any of the BAU women this week.

"If I wanted your help, I'd ask for it" Agent Todd snaps at him as he leaves the office she's borrowing from JJ.

He'd just wanted to be friendly and ease the burden of filling JJ's shoes. Even though Derek knows that not all women want or need him to be their hero, especially women who carry badges and guns, it is in his very nature to try. A quality acquired at the tender age of ten when his father had passed and Derek had found himself man of the Morgan household.

Even Garcia has been distant with him. Her flirtations have been few and far between and every effort on his part to initiate their usual banter has been brushed off or ignored. Of course she knew about what was happening between him and Emily. Derek knew that the two women had spoken about it, but he doubts Emily would say anything to drive a wedge between him and his friend. His own conversations with Garcia, though pretty vague on his end, had seemed amiable enough. Now though he can't help but wonder if something he's said or done has led to this cold shoulder.

Derek suspects that Garcia is just disappointed with the way things played out and he can't blame her. He's been searching for a look, a nod, a smile, a comment, any opening at all to renegotiate this whole mess with Emily, he wants desperately to prove to her that their night together was so much more than a regrettable one night stand to him, but Emily's avoidance skills are damn near legendary.

This is, to no one's surprise, why Derek has been seeking out the company of the new agent. Agent Todd is friendly and beautiful and, he had thought, a good outlet for his compulsive need to save the day.

Later, when Hotch sends them to run down leads together, Derek can't help but wonder about the tension between him and the temporary liaison and what the rest of the team will make of it; what Emily would make of it. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't worried that Emily would take it the wrong way, but then again there is also a small part of him that is disappointed at the lack of any jealousy in her eyes.

It's not just the lack of jealousy that bothers Derek, it's the lack of any anything, he admits to himself as his emotions take a sharp u-turn back to frustration. He thinks that at the very least the tension between himself and Agent Todd will cover the tension between himself and Emily for a short while, the last thing either wants right now is the rest of the team's concern. Because in the week since they spoke outside of JJ's hospital room it's like Emily has deflated, she moves a little slower, speaks a little softer, and her eyes lack the brightness he has become accustomed to. It kills Derek to think that he is responsible for this.

It kills him even more when he turns to call her name in the shipping container where they find Keliegh and the children, hoping that her gentle manner and comforting tones can sooth the panicked child he is trying to approach, but he is faced with Agent Todd where his partner should be. He finds himself suddenly angry with Emily for not being there behind him and it is this anger that has him flirting loudly with Jordan as he rushes by Emily and Reid outside, hoping to be overheard.

"Well this is going to be interesting" He hears Reid quip.

"Yeah" trails Emily's voice in response, every bit as flat and distant as Derek has come to expect it over the past few days.

"Agent Morgan" Jordan Todd's voice suddenly changes from indignant bantering to quiet insecurity. Derek turns back and raises his eyebrows in question. "Before we take this friendly flirtatious banter thing any further, can I ask you something?"

"Further?" he remarks with a cocky grin but when Agent Todd doesn't respond he moves his hands to his hips in defeat and nods.

"I know my position here is only temporary but I still don't want to step on any toes." She says seriously, her voice lowering to make sure only Derek can hear her. "Is there something going on between you and Agent Prentiss?"

To say the question shocks Derek is an understatement and that shock causes his mouth to open and shut wildly before he finally settles on a reply. "She's my partner" he shrugs. "I mean, the BAU is a team but we usually get paired up. We work well together"

Todd looks unconvinced. "That's what JJ said during my orientation." she nodded. "So I am surprised that you two haven't spoken more than a few words to each other the week that I've been here."

"I don't see how any of this is your business" Derek sighs.

"It's my business because I happen to like Agent Prentiss; she's gone out of her way to make me feel welcomed." Todd insists. "The least I can do in return is not get between her and her 'partner'"

Derek breaths a sigh of relief as Agent Todd looks seemingly happy with the point she's made and walks away. She is the last person on the team he had expected to call him out on the silence between them. At least, Derek thinks, it was pretty painless compared to the verbal beating he's expecting from Rossi any day now.

*52-pick up*

Emily is losing hope that she and Derek will ever regain any sort of normal. Every briefing they make sure to keep at least one other team member between them and each one on one exchange the last three weeks has been painfully professional. Derek barely even looks at her, and while he's busy not looking she can hardly keep her eyes away from him.

There is a glimmer of their old selves in the look they share over 'Viper's appalling lecture. It's oddly comforting to Emily when Derek puffs his chest and stares the man down. Possessive guys aren't her thing, but knowing Derek still has her back despite the recent awkwardness brings her a certain level of comfort. Their moment of normalcy almost allows her to forgive him the animosity she carries over his perceived rejection and his recent behavior towards Agent Todd. The reality is that at this point Emily would take any sign from him as a reason to forgive because forcing herself to remain detached and appear unaffected has been exhausting.

She will never forgive him for this though. So long as she lives, Emily swears to herself that she will hold THIS against him. The smile she dons to attract the attention of her target across the room is one born from thinking of all the ways she will make Derek Morgan pay dearly for putting her in this position.

"Affection, sex, emotional commitment. That's all for fun huh?" She says later, it is a miracle the words aren't followed by vomit as 'Viper' leans closer, his face hovering over hers as if he actually thinks she'll kiss him.

"No, the fun is in the initial spark, it's that thing a guy does in the first 5 minutes that makes you go...HIM" 'Viper' tells her with a snap if his fingers. Despite her predicament Emily thinks of her and Derek's first meeting and her anger softens.  
>"What you're talking about is a different beast, you can't fake it, you have to want it."<p>

Emily can't help but admit that the sleaze-bag is right about that. She and Derek had a spark, they had that special thing in the first moments of their meeting that just clicked and even if that spark was able to smolder and sustain for years before the actual pick-up finally happened it was still just that, a pick-up. The other beast, the one she finds herself wanting -longing- to explore, had to be wanted and Emily is quite certain that notorious playboy Derek Morgan didn't want it.

Inviting Agent Todd along with her was a stroke of genius Emily thinks, because despite the harsh reminder that the other woman is younger and more traditionally attractive she welcomes the shift in Viper's focus. She doesn't mind being pushed while the younger agent is pulled because despite her recent heartbreak and inkling of jealousy, Emily really likes Jordan Todd and she's happy to provide her the opportunity to prove herself.

In truth Emily is doing everything she can not to see Agent Todd as competition, because Emily Prentiss doesn't fight over men and she will certainly not allow herself to fight over Derek Morgan. Maybe if she can befriend the young agent, she can stave off the little green monster in her chest and accept that she and Derek Morgan were just not meant to be.

Two days later the team is on their way back to Quantico. Emily Is seated as far as she possibly can from Derek while still within eye line to make sure he can see her occasional withering looks, looks so sour that if he were to look up from his card game with Reid he would surely pickle on the spot. Except, Emily notices sadly, that he's back to not looking at her at all and even though she's angry with him, she can't help but feel insanely disappointed.

"It's been nearly a month." Comes the lilting Italian tones of David Rossi who is currently making himself comfortable across from Emily. "How long are you going to keep him in the dog house?"

Emily works hard not to show that the older man has startled her by directing her glare at him. "Keep who in the dog house for what?" She asks coolly.

Rossi sends a pointed look in Derek's direction, one that tells Emily he's not buying her innocent act. "You don't think a jet full of profilers hasn't picked up on the tension between you two?"

"Last I checked, the jet full of profilers agreed not to use their skills on one another." Emily chides.

Rossi shrugs. "Some of us are such good profilers it's like a reflex" he says arrogantly, though Emily knows this isn't a case of inflated ego, David Rossi is arguably the best profiler in the world. "Asking me not to profile is like asking me not to breath."

"He's not in the dog house" Emily switches tactics.

"Please, Emily, I've been married three times." The profiler says with a laugh. "I don't need to be a profiler to know the dog house when I see it." Emily says nothing and tries to busy herself with her phone, opening and closing her empty message inbox hoping for something to distract her long enough for Rossi to loose interest. "Did he do something? Has he hurt you?" suddenly Rossi's voice holds the edge of a concerned and overprotective father and Emily can't help the smile it brings to her face.

"No, Dave." She assures him, but she can't help but think it's a lie. Derek expressing regret over their night together had hurt her very much, but she knows both she and Derek are equally responsible for allowing it to happen in the first place. "We just made a mistake, we'll work it out."

"A mistake?" Rossi repeats. Emily nods sadly but the seasoned profiler knows her words don't ring true. "If it's just a mistake, why the silent treatment?" he presses. "I'd think after working so closely this long you two would be good enough friends to forgive a mistake much more easily than this."

"A big mistake" Emily insists, her voice taking on a note of aggression. "But like I said, we'll work it out, no need to worry." This time Rossi grants her escape into her phone with a curt nod before moving out of his seat and heading for the refreshment counter. He isn't hurt that Emily isn't interested in confiding in him this time. He knows she will come to him if and when she needs to.

TO BE CONTINUED!

_I am so totally not tweaking this to fit with my story, there is literally next to no interaction between Derek and Emily in these two episodes and they really do seem to have another team member between them at all times… there is also next to no derek and Garcia action... weird!_

_Review if you have a minute, it makes me smile. _


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters; I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4; it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms' where it then flies off into AU territory ;)

Note: Thank you all so much for all the great reviews! Please keep them coming, they motivate me to keep writing! The story is about to take a big turn and I hope you all enjoy it!

*Brothers in arms*

Emily can't decide between being elated that Derek is sitting next to her on the jet for the first time in nearly 8 weeks, or being disappointed that she's not in a better state to enjoy the presence of her lost friend.

Emily is exhausted. She has been exhausted for nearly two weeks now despite the suspicious exit of the insomnia she'd been experiencing since Las Vegas. The last few cases they have worked have been simple, but with consultations and paper work stacked a mile high in between Emily is guessing this bizarre feeling of constant over exertion is a sure sign that she desperately needs a vacation.

Through the fog that inhabits her tired mind she can sense Derek tensing beside her. This cop killer has him riled before they've even hit the ground and as she stares at the photographed smiling faces of their first victim's, now orphaned, children she can't really blame him. She knows he identifies with them. She knows that of all the heartbreaking stories they came across in their line of work, it was the children left behind that always effect Derek the most.

His intensity continues all the way to the crime scene. Emily knows he will likely retain it through to the case's end, but regardless of his inner turmoil Emily is reveling in having him there by her side. She isn't sure how they'd managed it, but in the eight weeks since Las Vegas this is the first time they've been paired together.

With that in mind, Emily wonders how much Hotch knows about what happened because surely keeping them apart like that had been intentional. She knows that Reid, and likely Agent Todd, are oblivious. A few subtle and not-so-subtle remarks from Rossi confirmed that he has profiled the events out of their recent behavior and of course Garcia and JJ knew from the beginning, but she had naively believed for a time that they could keep the whole incident from reaching their unit chief's purview.

Despite her enjoyment of working with her partner again, Emily finds that she really has to work at staying alert and focused on the crime scene. Not a good thing to find when working a cop killer case. She does her best to hide her tiredness and distraction but as soon as she and Derek return to the SUV she all but melts into the leather upholstery.

"You ok?" Derek asks her, his hand poised on the ignition but he doesn't start the vehicle.

"Yeah" Emily nods casually before looking towards him. They still aren't very good at meeting each other's eyes but looking in each other's general direction is getting easier by the day. "I was going to ask you the same thing. I know this case must be tough on you."

With a short nod and a less-than-reassuring smile Derek starts the SUV and maneuvers it into traffic. Again Emily is overwhelmed with relief that they're making this work, that slowly but surely they are getting back to normal. She is still reeling from his rejection, but more then that she misses her best friend and is eager to put the hurt behind her.

"Oh my god, Em, are you ok?" suddenly the vehicle is swerving to the shoulder of the road and Derek's hands are reaching for her. His touch, another first in eight long weeks, sends shocks through her body that seem to lead straight to her heart and Emily is momentarily confused by his concern until she realizes that her cheeks are wet.

"Yeah" she chokes, embarrassed. "I am sorry, I didn't realize I was crying." She desperately wipes at her face and tries to quell the tears but her efforts only seem to make it worse. "I don't even know why I am crying. I was just thinking about how ..." abruptly she stops her sobbing confession and redoubles her efforts to calm herself.

"Thinking about what, Emily?" Derek prods, his concern is almost too much for Emily to take and yet she finds herself welcoming his hand in hers.

"About how nice it is to be here with you." She replies thickly. "I know it's dumb, and I am still kind of mad at you, but I missed this." She motions between them for a moment before using that same free hand to fan her heated face. "I am sorry, Derek, this is really embarrassing."

"No, it's ok." Derek murmurs, his dark eyes finally meeting hers. "I missed our friendship too." he nods eagerly. "I am so sorry that I've caused you pain, that isn't what I meant to do."

"I know" she grinds out, suddenly angry. "Can you please just stop saying you didn't mean to? A girl's ego can only take so much."

"Emily." Derek's voice is laced with confusion over her turn around and his brows knit with it as well. "Look, I know..."

"We need to get moving, this UnSub's escalating quickly and I'd really like to catch him before any more people die." Emily finds that her tears are suddenly dried just as quickly as they started, gone along with her desire to continue her discussion with Derek.

Derek, credit to his self control, says nothing as he pulls back onto the road and Emily works to make sure she is presentable before they make it back to the precinct.

*CM*

As if this case weren't bad enough to deal with while having to squash down memories of his father, Derek now finds himself consumed with worry for Emily. He has never so much as seen tears well up in her eyes, let alone spill over onto her face and he has certainly never heard her voice hitch and her chest heave with sobs. Emily had sobbed.

Derek thought they were getting back to normal. It still hurt to think about her closing him out and it still killed him to know that his own stupidity had put them in this heartbreaking situation but he had welcomed the return of normal. Like Emily, he had missed their friendship and the way they worked together side by side.

But this wasn't normal. Emily crying wasn't normal, Derek not wanting to look directly at her for fear he couldn't resist the urge to hold her wasn't normal, and lord knows the deep silence between their awkward interactions wasn't normal. These thoughts nag at Derek for the rest of the day until:

"I watched my partner die, and there was nothing I could do to stop it"

The haunted words of the officer who'd survived are a harsh reminder to Derek to get his head in the game. If losing Emily as a friend hurt this badly, losing Emily all together would tear him apart. It was his duty as her partner to push all these distractions away and make sure he has her back.

He thinks he's doing a decent job of ignoring those distractions until he sees Emily's pinched expression in the warehouse 'fight club'. To most people she would look as though nothing is wrong but, underneath that mask of professionalism and determination Derek thinks she looks as though she may throw-up. A short while later, when he finds her heaving in a dark corner of the alley behind the warehouse alarm bells ring at full volume in his head, something isn't right.

"Emily, what are you doing back here alone?" He scolds, because in that moment anger is going to be the easiest emotion for him to deal with.

"What does it look like?" She snaps. "I thought I needed to throw up, I don't need an audience."

Derek quells the surge of concern that knits his brows together and again focuses on being angry. "There's a cop-killer on the loose, Prentiss, you shouldn't wander off." He knows his tone is accusing and antagonizing, but as a flicker of hurt flashes across her features in the moonlight he find himself surprised. He'd been expecting anger in return.

"I know that, Derek" Emily replies coolly. She moves to push past him, back to the group of patrols cars where the battered fight club members are being sorted out, but Derek's arms brace against her shoulders to stop her. Just like the day before the contact sends lightning through their nerve endings and both of them flinch away from each other.

"Are you sick?" He asks, finally allowing the concern to surface. He watches Emily studying her feet and swears he can feel his arms shake with the need to embrace her.

"It was the smell." She murmured. "The sweat and blood and god-knows-what-else." As she speaks the words her face pales again. Derek knows the smell is clinging to them now, that it has permeated everything it's come in contact with. "I thought I needed to throw up but I just heaved a little, so I guess I am good now." She insists.

"It's not like you to toss your cookies at a crime scene." Derek questions as he leans in to try to catch her eyes. "Even if you were this one is pretty tame. Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

Emily let's out a shaky breath and a humorless chuckle. "nope, I am not sure." She says mysteriously. "I am not really sure of anything right now." she concedes a moment later. "I think, I don't know for sure and it's probably nothing but..."

"What?" Derek pushes, but something has just clicked in his mind and he is pretty sure he knows what she is about to say.

"Derek, I think I might be pregnant." Emily's voice is so quiet that Derek finds himself leaning closer, straining to catch her words. His heart speeds up at her admission and he is gasping for a response when Emily's voice returns to its usual strong timber. "You don't have to say anything" She tells him. "I'll let you know when I know for sure either way."

Just like eight weeks ago, Emily is gone before Derek even really knows what's happened. Only this time, worse then saying the wrong thing he hadn't been able to say anything at all. He angrily kicks at a dumpster and runs his nervous hands over his head. Now more then ever it is obvious to Derek that he needs to set this all straight, but dam-it if half the battle won't be getting Emily to stand still long enough for him to do that.

TO BE CONTINUED!

For realsies, I went there… what do you think?


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters; I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4; it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms' where it then flies off into AU territory ;)

Note: This chapter is a bit more serious then the others. I promise the shiny happy fluff will return eventually.

*Brothers in arms*

Emily is not at all surprised by the muffled knock at her hotel room door, though she is surprised it took him so long to get there. The case was closed, their killer was dead at the hands of a gang leader, and Emily's ears are still ringing from the gunshots.

They'd managed to work the rest of the case without meeting each others eyes, and while she is sure the tension between them was noticed by the team she is confident no one has guessed that anything has changed. No matter how well they'd avoided each other though the panicked searching look they'd shared as the shots rang out in the crowd that night could not be missed, neither could the relief they'd felt upon realizing that they were both ok.

It seems like ages before she finally opens the door for him. Derek looks as tired as she feels; his crossed arms and knitted brow showing his discomfort and nerves about being there. For a moment they just stare at one another, the threshold between them widening into a dangerous expanse that neither is sure they can cross.

"Can I come in?" he asks finally. Emily lets him in with a nervous nod and as he moves to the center of the room she shuts and locks the door behind him. "You do look different" he says quietly, his dark eyes taking the time to truly take her in for the first time in 2 months. She seems smaller in her yoga pants and tank top, though he supposes that's due to the lack of her usual boots. Aside from that though there's this aura around her, a glow that he always thought was a flattering cliché but here it is in front of him.

"It could be in your head" She shrugs. "I haven't taken the test yet so I don't know" Emily motions to a pink and blue box on the small coffee counter by the door. "But I sure feel different" She concedes. Silence settles in around them, the same thick silence that has been haunting them for weeks. Emily isn't sure what to do or say next, isn't sure if she wants to talk before or after the test, isn't sure if she even wants him there when she takes it.

Derek is sure, however, that he needs to speak. Knows that it's now or never to say what he needs to while he's here in front of her but his mind is seizing with fear. He is painfully aware that he cannot afford to say the wrong thing again. The problem is he's not sure what the right thing is. He sucks a large breath in through his nose and when he is met with the distinct and overwhelming scent of Emily he knows that he needs to just dive in and go for broke, just open his mouth and say what comes to mind.

"I want to sleep with you again." Derek cringes. Maybe he should have skipped to the second thing.

"Excuse me?" Emily breathes.

"That's not what I meant." He says as he squeezes his eyes shut. "I meant that I didn't want it to be a one time thing." he tries again, reopening his eyes to peak at Emily's confused face.

"Then why did you regret it?" Emily asks. "Why did you tell me it shouldn't have happened?"

"Because the way it happened was all wrong, Emily." Derek starts pacing, he's feeling lost and overwhelmed and more insecure than he thinks he ever has in his life. It's a big risk for him to tell her all this, because he still can't quite tell what it is she wants from him and if she decides she wants nothing he's fairly certain it will kill him. "I always imagined that if we ever got together it would be because I finally found the guts to tell you how much I care about you, not because we both had one too many cocktails. I wanted to treat you better then that."

Emily curses the tears that are again making their way down her face. If she's not pregnant, she's got a bone to pick with herself about loosing control like this twice in as many days. "I always kind of knew that it would take a bucket load of alcohol for me to find the nerve to make a move." She admits thickly. Derek's low chuckle in response has her heart a flutter and suddenly she can't wait another second.

Derek says nothing as Emily pulls the test from its box and moves to the bathroom. He's not sure what to do with himself while he waits. This situation is a first for him and he has nothing to draw from. If he admits the breadth of his playboy behavior over the last decade or so, which he does for a moment, he is actually quite surprised that he's managed to make it this far in life without this particular situation cropping up.

When Emily exits the washroom she doesn't meet his eyes until she sets the test on the box on the counter and sets an alarm on her phone. "Ready for the longest two minutes of your life?" She quips.

"Yeah" Derek nods. "I think so." he watches her picking her fingernails for a moment before stepping closer and placing a hand over hers. "No matter what happens two minutes from now, I want you back." he tells her gruffly. "As your friend, as your partner, as your lover... whatever capacity you'll have me."

"Really?" Emily whispers, her glassy eyes meeting his. "Even after I ran away and froze you out?"

"That's my fault, Emily. I got scared and I screwed up. I should have listened to Rossi" Derek laughs at Emily's look of confusion. "He told me to lead with 'I like you and I want to see you again' he figured you'd deck me before I could get anything else out." Emily's laugh in that moment is the most beautiful thing he's ever heard, Derek is sure of it. The sound of it is both uplifting and inspiring, and something he's missed dearly over the last 2 months.

"The man knows what he's talking about, he did have to woo all of those women before they could divorce him." She smirks.

When the timer sounds it takes a moment for them to tear their eyes from each other. It is Derek who actually reaches for the test, taking it gingerly in his large hands he holds it up to the dim light and peers at the tiny window on the plastic face of it. He hears Emily asking what it says, her voice is nervous and the air in the room crackles with anticipation. Derek flashes a small smile to Emily at the sight.

"Positive" he says evenly.

"Positive?" She repeats, taking the test from his hands and reading it for herself. "Positive." she confirms in disbelief. She is crying again, though she is hard pressed to pinpoint the exact emotion causing it, at this moment the only way she can describe this feeling is overwhelming.

"Hey" Derek croons. "Please don't cry, talk to me."

"I am pregnant." Emily tells him, her eyes wide with something akin to terror. Derek nods. "With your baby." she says. As those words fall from her mouth Derek's face lights up, he can't help it, the effect those words have on his heart is simply magic.

"That's a good thing right?" He says, suddenly unsure, his smile fading. A small smile flashes across Emily's face but she is still crying and she still isn't looking at him. "It's a bit of a shock, and maybe the timing isn't the greatest, but you're pregnant with my baby, Emily, I think that's a great thing."

When her eyes finally lift to meet his there is happiness floating around the edges of her nerves. "I never thought this would be me." She tells him thickly. "It's a lot to take in." Derek nods his understanding and lays a comforting hand on her bare shoulder. Emily surprises him by moving closer and pressing herself against him, allowing them a brief moment to hold and be held before she backs up again. "I think I need a little time."

"Emily," Derek bristles. A moment ago he'd been feeling pretty good about their future but now he realizes that she hadn't actually given him any answers, she is pregnant with his child but he still doesn't know where he stands. He fears that he is being frozen out again, and that this time he won't be able to fight his way back in.

"Just a day, Derek." she insists, laying a hand on his chest and allowing her eyes to search his. "Give me a day to wrap my head around all this, I promise I am not running away."

*CM*

Emily said she wasn't running, but Derek can't help but feel as though he is being a little cowardly by staying in Phoenix an extra day. He keeps himself from feeling bad about not telling her personally by telling himself that this is what she wanted. Still, he wonders what thoughts will cross her mind when he doesn't show up on the jet.

He hasn't slept a whole lot. The previous evening Derek had been ecstatic over the thought of Emily having his baby. He'd imagined her body changing, swelling and stretching to accommodate the life they'd created. He imagined Emily mothering their tiny infant and thinks that of all her smiles the one she'll have for their child will be the most beautiful. He ignores the uncertainty of their current relationship and imagines fixing up a house for them to live in and building bassinets and baby gates, tree forts and swing sets.

All these thoughts were cut short when he'd picked up a newspaper from the hotel gift shop and found within it the obituary for Officer Cunningham.

_Officer Tom .P Cunningham _

_The city of Phoenix lost a true hero. A pillar of his community Cunningham served 6 years with the phoenix police department and volunteered countless hours to the families in his community at St. Martin's church and neighbourhood center. He is survived by his wife Julie, his son, Sam, his parents Frank and Margaret, and his sister Mary. The funeral service will be held at 1pm Friday at Greenwood Memorial Park and will be open to the public._

After that Derek can't stop thinking about the photo pinned inside the hat they'd retrieved for the family. His father had done the same with a photo of Derek and his sisters eating ice-cream at the Chicago zoo. He remembers his mother asking for it at the wake, and his father's partner telling her sadly that it was too badly damaged.

For the first time Derek puts together the fact that it must have been saturated in blood. When the shots rang out and he'd seen his father fall he remembers that the warm sticky red pooling around Officer Morgan's head had quickly engulfed everything around it. Derek had stayed put, under his father's whispered but strict order to duck behind a magazine rack and not make a sound. By the time his father's partner had found him, still clutching the treats his father had let him pick during their stolen moment, the blood had reached the toe of Derek's running shoes.

Derek tells the Cunningham boy what he's told every child of a fallen hero he's encountered over the years, the same words his father's partner had given him. Even though he knows they hold no comfort, he has yet to find any words that do so he just sticks with what he knows. The words certainly can't make it hurt any more.

"Your father was a good man, he was very proud of you."

How many children must endure this? How many more heart broken and confused young souls will he meet? He wonders at what point his comforting words will start to sound rehearsed.

_"Being a ganger shortens your lifespan" Lieutenant Evans had said._

_"So does being a cop" Reid had cruelly pointed out. 'The job involves a fair amount of risk so a percentage if untimely deaths is practically inevitable."_

Derek is terrified by the sudden oppressive reality that the child growing in Emily's womb may one day be on the receiving end of this kind of consolation. The chances of loosing a parent could be two fold for their baby, as both it's parents work this job like it's their calling; because it is. His terror grows into panic when he realizes that his chances of loosing the baby are equally as high right now, there will be no way to keep Emily out of the field until they tell Hotch about the pregnancy. Even then Derek knows that Emily will resist being left behind when her team runs headlong into the danger.

The shrill ringing of his phone brings Derek back from his dark musings. He is still at the graveyard, though the service is now finished and he has moved away from the grave. He has found a bench overlooking a small pond near some older gravestones and he can't be totally sure how long he's been sitting there.

"Morgan" he answers, his voice rough from disuse.

"Something's wrong" Garcia's normally perky voice is accusatory. "I mean, it's been wrong for weeks now but something changed."

At first Garcia's statement had frightened Derek, he'd thought she was calling to tell him something had happened, he tries not to sigh heavily as he realizes what she's referring to. "What do you mean?" he plays dumb.

"Emily." the blonde says almost as though she is scolding him. "She said you guys talked last night, she said it went well."

"So why do I feel like I am being sent to the principle's office, Baby Girl?" Derek asks.

"Because her lips say 'yes' but the bags under her eyes, pallor of her normally flawless skin, and general all around mopey-ness shout a big loud 'no'." The tech informs him with frustration. "Something's changed. She won't tell me what, and you didn't come home. I am worried."

"Penelope..." Derek meant to assure her, meant to toe the party line that Emily had given and ask his friend to give them some time. Instead the words "She's pregnant" spew forth from his mouth like some kind of projectile word-vomit. There was silence on the line for a moment, followed by an ear splitting squeal that had Derek holding the phone at arms length until it ended. "You can't say anything." he cautions quickly as Garcia quiets. "Things are... Complicated right now."

"Only because you two are making it complicated." Garcia replies indignantly. "You're both brilliant beautiful people and I love ya, but thank god for this baby because without a 9 month deadline you two stubborn mules would never get your shit together."

Derek couldn't help but chuckle at that, the girl was probably right. "I am scared, Penelope." he admits solemnly. "I don't know how to be a father; I barely know how to be in a relationship that lasts more than a week."

"You will learn, Derek." Her use of his given name, rather than one of her flamboyant nicknames shows how serious she is. "I am not playing around when I call you my hero; I actually have faith that there is nothing you can't do when it comes to the people you love."

"Thanks PG." Derek coughs. "You're a good friend." 

TBC!

Soooooo, there you have it, she's pregnant… I figure every Demily writer has their obligatory baby fic right! Why not just put my own spin on it and get it out of the way? Please review and tell me what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters; I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4; it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms'… and now and now I've decided to work through to 4x13 'Bloodlines'… but after that I may leave canon in my dust!

Note: Sorry this chapter took so long, it's been written and waiting for a long while I just haven't found the time to hit *publish*! This part takes place directly after 4x10 "Brothers in Arms" and before 4x11 'Normal'.

*Normal*

Emily wasn't quite sure what to think when Derek didn't show up at the airport. Her confusion is expertly hidden and she keeps her features neutral as Hotch explains that Derek would be staying behind for a day or two. But as the team gets settled and the lifting sensation of the jet taking off sends her stomach into an uncomfortable roll she can't help but feel hurt and a little lonely.

Derek had seemed genuinely happy about the positive test the previous night, and while her own reaction was a bit more guarded, even cold she admits, she had been confident when he'd left her hotel room that they were on good terms. She had asked for a day of grace, but she hadn't expected he'd quite literally disappear in order to give it to her. Why hadn't he told her of his plans himself?

Emily feels curious looks from the other profilers on the plane as she returns from the jet's toilet looking green and nibbles at a few plain pretzels. She wonders how long it will take these world class behavioral experts to figure her out. Secretly she hopes it is soon so that she can avoid the awkwardness of having to tell them.

It's not that Emily is unhappy about being pregnant, she is not, but she is a little ashamed. It was easy math. They would all know that her baby happened accidentally - In Vegas - With her partner - How cliché.

Emily manages to keep her stomach in check for the rest of the flight, even manages a few hands of poker with Reid without giving away any sign that anything may be different. She's even convinces herself that all is well until she leaves the air strip and finds her car pulling, not into the parking garage of her apartment complex, but up the drive of JJ's suburban home.

"I am pregnant." She blurts out as the door opens to reveal a frazzled looking JJ holding a red-faced squalling Henry. That is why Emily had come here. She needs comfort and reassurance from someone who understands, someone who's been in their own version of this situation before.

JJ moves to let her dark friend in but she barely looks as though she's registered the words until she speaks, her tone tired and dry. "Do yourself a favor and just stay pregnant forever, pregnancy's the easy part."

With a sympathetic smile Emily reaches out to relieve her friend of the crying infant. "I find that hard to believe, I feel pretty effing awful." She comments darkly over Henry's wailing. When JJ leads Emily down the hall and into her large open kitchen, Emily can't help but wince as the baby in her arms settles into a fitful sleep punctuated by small hiccups and her blonde friend heaves a frustrated sigh.

"Thanks" JJ says dryly "I guess a change of scene is all he needed."

"Where's Will?" Emily asks, bouncing and swaying slightly to keep the delicate new peace. She wonders if the fetus in her womb has triggered some kind of early maternal instincts because she's never been particularly good with infants before.

"He's back at work as of last week." JJ sighs sadly before perking up considerably, as though she's just now really understood what Emily had come to tell her. "Pregnant, huh?"

Emily smiles and allows the happiness that has been held back by fear and uncertainty come flooding over her face. "Yeah, looks that way."

"I guess I don't have to ask how far along." JJ smirks. "Have you told him yet?"

"He was there when I took the test." Emily nods. She means to stop there but JJ urges her along with a wave of her hand and a supportive smile. "He seemed really happy. He said he wanted to be with me."

"That's great, Em." the blonde smiles.

But her elation causes Emily's smile to fade. "I am afraid he's changed his mind though." she admits. "I was in shock and I didn't really know how I was feeling... I asked him to leave. I just needed a day to think." Emily clears her throat, which earns her a wiggle and a grunt from the sleeping baby on her chest but she pushes on. "He didn't show up at the air strip this morning. He's staying in Pheonix an extra day."

"And you think what exactly?" JJ asked, amused. "That he's gonna get a job with the local PD and never come back?"

Emily glares but even as the indignation swells up in her chest she knows that JJ is right. "I guess I did ask for some time." she concedes. "I just wasn't expecting so much space. And I can't help but think that the least I could have done was tell him that I want this baby."

"I know it's overwhelming, Em." JJ assures her. "But trust me when I tell you to just relax and give yourself the space to be happy, the rest will fall into place. I've been there."

"I know, that's why I am here" Emily grins.

"Right." smiles JJ. "And as a friend who's been where you are I know exactly what you need." The blonde pulls open the freezer beside her and triumphantly produces a carton of triple chocolate ice cream.

Emily smiles despite the rolling of her stomach and accepts a large bowl of the offered treat and tucks in for a quiet night with her friend.

***

Derek is sure that over the years Aaron Hotchner has developed some kind of super sensitive intuition about when the exact wrong moment to call is. He is standing outside Emily's apartment door, paper bag full of pastries in one hand, his other balancing a tray of coffee waiting for Emily to open the door when he hears the first shrill tones. He ignores it. Not only are his hands decidedly full at the moment but he's just returned from his time in Phoenix and he knows he cannot wait another moment to talk to Emily.

"You better answer" her annoyed voice greets him as the door swings open to let him in. "It's Hotch, we have a case."

"I'll call him back in a minute." Derek shrugs, disappointed. "You have time to eat the apple and cheese danish I got you down the street; I know they're your favorite."

Emily smiles softly as she takes the bag from his out stretched hand. "Thank you but I actually don't" she says with regret. "We're being briefed on the plane in an hour."

"How are you feeling?" He asks nodding to accept the information she's given him but seemingly dismissing it.

"I am fine." she huffs. "I need to get ready."

"I can wait." Derek nods again. "I'll give you a ride."

Emily doesn't know what to make of this little visit so far. She's not really even sure what she had been expecting but something about Derek's casual demeanor has her feeling a little jumpy. She can see that beneath his jovial attempts to put her at ease there simmers something else, a dark insecurity that is surely mirrored in her own eyes. She longs to ask him about Phoenix, yearns to know if he's changed his mind, if time and distance has given him cause to second guess his feelings about her and the baby. She wonders if he's here on her doorstep with offerings of pastry to sooth the hurt he's here to cause. But as his phone rings again she can almost hear Hotch's impatience in its notes and she moves off into her apartment to ready herself for the upcoming case.

When Derek hangs up the phone after speaking with Hotch he feels his feet moving of their own accord, taking him up the stairs and down a short hallway, following the sounds of Emily getting ready. He's surprised when her voice permits his entrance after he knocks on what he assumes is her bedroom door and the sight that greats him is downright breath taking.

Emily is standing in front of a full length mirror on the back of the attached bathroom door. She's wearing her dress pants and a black camisole pushed up to expose her abdomen. "I don't know why I thought a day to think would make it any easier to wrap my mind around the fact that there's a baby in there." she says quietly, her eyes meeting his in the mirror. "I half expect to wake up any minute and realize it's a dream."

"A good dream?" Derek asks. His voice remains low, meeting hers on the loud end of a whisper. He knows she must be as nervous about all this as he is, but he is still unsure if she's gotten to the happy part yet, if she'll accept their baby growing inside of her and welcome him into her life.

Emily smiles thoughtfully and gazes back down at her still flat abdomen. "Overwhelming, but good." She says. "It still doesn't seem real." Her hands smooth over the exposed skin of her stomach as she continues to stare at herself.

Derek says nothing as he watches her, acknowledging that this is a good sign, the fact that she's allowing him to be a part of this quiet moment. "I hate to do this." he says finally. "But we need to get moving."

"I know" Emily nods. She pulls her tank down and reaches for a deep red blouse hanging on her closet door. She smiles again when she finally turns to meet his eyes directly. "Do you want to have dinner with me? After this case, when we get back?"

"Only if you promise to eat the breakfast I got you on the way to the air strip." Derek responds with a smile of his own. For now they seem to be on the same page and for that he is infinitely grateful but Derek knows it is naïve to think it will last.

"Does it scare you?" Emily asks. They're about 10 minutes from the jet and Emily is in the passenger seat brushing pastry crumbs from her lapels as she speaks. "The baby I mean."

"Well," Derek says lightly hoping to relieve the tension in her voice with humor. "He IS just a baby; I think I could take him."

"Derek..."

Her voice holds an edge that Derek doesn't recognize so this time he responds more carefully. "A little, yeah."

"I guess a guy like you never really imagined settling down and having a family." Emily laments ruefully.

"A guy like me?" Derek can't help the pain in his chest at her words. He can see her mouth gaping, searching for words to mend the breach she's just made.

"Derek, it's ok." She settles on a comforting tone, though there is uncertainty on her face. "You know I am not in the dark about your work-hard-play-hard attitude. All I am saying is that it's ok to be scared, and if you have any second thoughts about this I will understand. I don't want to trap you."

"Trap me?" Derek repeats again.

"Yeah" Emily says, watching the tensing in his jaw and wondering how she's managed to dig herself so deep in just a few short minutes. "You're a good guy, Derek. I know you want to do right by me but if this isn't you... If this isn't what you really want, I'll understand."

Derek tightens his grip on the wheel and presses down on the accelerator. "Why are you doing this?" he demands. Emily doesn't answer and as a white road sign alerts them of their proximity to the air strip he knows why. As much as he'd like to get to the bottom of her sudden questioning of his commitment, he knows they must push it aside and spend the next few minutes collecting themselves and securing their professional masks.

Derek laments that this car ride had been almost enjoyable, the first comfortable moments they'd spent together since Las Vegas. He clings to those moments because when she'd questioned his commitment to her and his desire to be a part of his child's life insecurity cut into his heart like a knife. Derek doesn't know if he'll be a good father, but he does want to try. Maybe, he thinks to himself, Emily didn't think he would be a good father either and was trying to give him an easy way out?

To Be Continued! 

I am sorry about the suck of this chapter. I quite enjoy the following ones a lot better but no matter what I did this one seemed to elude me. Please review and I will update with a better chapter soon!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters; I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4; it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x10 'Brothers in Arms'… and now and now I've decided to work through to 4x13 'Bloodlines'… but after that I may leave canon in my dust!

Note: Thank you everyone for the reviews! I feel badly that I haven't responded to each individually but perhaps I will start. I really really really do appreciate them! Also SORRY that took me so long to post. That hurry up and wait job I mentioned, well there has been A LOT of hurry up in the last few weeks. Another chapter will be coming to you in the next 24 hours or so to make up for it!

*Normal*

Though the situation with Emily is as complicated and frustrating as ever Derek is grateful that things between himself and Garcia have smoothed over. Her flirtatious tones take the weight off of him for a moment whenever he gets a chance to speak to her. She is a breath of fresh, bubbly, colorful air filling his lungs with warmth. Her unflappable faith in him is what fuels him today, her supportive words when he told her about the pregnancy cooling his frustration and insecurity enough to remain calm in the face of Emily's intensity.

"Do you have any idea how many middle aged white guys out there have someone close to them who think they're a serial killer?" Emily wants this case solved yesterday and it shows in her clipped tones and cool focus.

"You really want to get this guy huh?" He asks her. They're waiting for Reid to meet them in the SUV to follow up a tip from the coworkers of a possible suspect. It's the first moment they've had alone since they've been here and Derek does not want to spend it in silence. No matter how hurt he is by her words in the car that morning he will do anything to keep the silence at bay.

"Of course I do" Emily says. Her tone reveals absolutely nothing and Derek has to hold his breath a moment to keep from grunting his frustration.

"Me too." he says finally. "I want to get this guy fast so we can go home and have that dinner"

"You still want to have dinner with me after I put my foot in it in the car this morning?" She asks shyly.

"Especially after what you said this morning." Derek can't help it, he growls his response. "What you said makes it obvious that we have a lot to talk about."

Emily nods slowly and focuses her attention back out her window, peering at the traffic passing the parked vehicle and wondering if their profile would be enough to catch an UnSub who leaves so little evidence behind. Derek's barely contained anger doesn't faze her, she knows it is deserved. "I really am sorry about this morning." she says after a few quiet moments. "I think this fetus has eaten my mental and emotional filter, I just can't seem to help it."

Derek chuckles softly at the pout he holds on her face. "Hormones." he says in the same flat joking tone he had with JJ in past months.

"Seriously." Emily confesses. "I almost cried talking to the first victim's son today. I don't remember JJ being this emotional."

Derek shrugs, he isn't quite sure how to respond without ending up on the receiving end of one if her glares or worse. He is nothing short of grateful when Reid hops into the back seat and saves him from having to say anything.

Before long they are speaking to a handsome and confident young man whose description of his co-worker fits a good chunk of their profile but leaves a bit to be desired.

"What about the press conference made you think of Norman?" Derek asks.

As the young man describes the death of 6 year old Jenny a now familiar heaviness settles in Derek's gut. This man and his daughter had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, not unlike Derek's father had been while buying his son a treat on his coffee break the day he died. Sometimes life was just taken away and there was nothing any father, husband, son or knight in shining armor could do to stop it.

The heaviness only grows as the day goes on and Norman's story comes to light. It is pushing up against his lungs and forcing bile into his throat as Reid calls out directions and the police radio chronicles the downward spiral of a delusional spree killer.

Norman Hill has nothing left to loose and Derek is driving into his path with everything he has to loose sitting in the passenger seat next to him.

As he pulls to a stop behind the crash site he sends Emily a look that is both panicked and relieved; relieved the chase is over, terrified of what will happen if Emily gets out of the car. They don't know what condition Norman is in or what he will do once he realizes it's over. Emily must sense his fear because she keeps herself shielded behind the car door as they exit, uncharacteristically falling back with Reid and letting Derek take the lead.

He knows they profiled that he would be delusional but Derek isn't ready for the gut wrenching sight of their UnSub clawing desperately at the wrecked vehicle, pleading with them to save his family.

"They're gone" Derek calls as guilt washes over him. "They're gone" two words no one should ever have to hear, two words capable of ripping a soul apart. Two months since his night with Emily, two days he's known about their baby and Derek isn't so sure he'd be any less delusional if he lost either of them. "They're gone"

Though things with Emily are as complicated as ever, Derek is grateful that things between he and Garcia have smoothed over because he needs a safe place to land after this. The team is waiting at the airport for the jet to be ready when he moves off to find privacy and pulls out his phone.

"You're wrong about me Baby Girl." He says flatly into his phone.

"Am not" the blonde chirps. "I am never wrong, I am all-knowing."

"You said there was nothing I couldn't do for the people I love." He says. "But today I couldn't stop the car. She was right there beside me, THEY were right there beside me and I engaged in high speed pursuit of an UnSub in a delusional downward spiral." Derek stops a moment to catch his breath and can hear Garcia's soft breaths returned over the line waiting patiently for his tirade of self deprecation to be over. "What if we'd wrecked? What if that UnSub had decided to shoot at us?" he demands.

"None of that happened." Garcia says. "You didn't stop the car because pursuing that suspect was your job, and hers. You and I both know the warrior princess would have kicked your ass if you stopped."

"I should have taken the beating." Derek insists. "What kind of father drives his family straight into a situation like that?"

"An incredibly brave and honorable father who works very hard to make the world a better place." the line goes dead, the tech has made her point and leaves her friend to his own thoughts. There is scheming to be done.

*0o0o0o0o*

"I can't tell you why, but I need you to pack up that baby and bring him to the BAU like now" Garcia demands as soon as her call is answered, dispensing with her usual pleasantry and getting straight to business.

JJ has known Penelope Garcia long enough to know when she is up to no good. "Judging by your tone of voice, my son is about to be used as a pawn in his first Penelope scheme?"

"As his fairy-god-mother it is well within my right to include him in my foolery." Garcia balks.

"Does this have anything to do with Derek and Emily?" JJ ventures, wondering how much her friend knew about the current situation.

"Maybe" The tech says obviously.

JJ sighs. "I don't know if we should push them, Pen." She is remembering the anxiety in her friend's dark eyes when she'd told her she was pregnant. Remembering Emily's uncertainty about what this would mean for her relationship with Derek. "The last two months have been tough on them and adding pressure might be overwhelming."

"JJ, it's nothing fancy, just bring Henry around to visit and put smiles on the faces of our intrepid team of crime fighters." Garcia pleaded. "There is quite literally nothing more involved with this particular scheme."

JJ had given in, she always does. There is something about her bubbly friend's enthusiasm that sucks a person in and convinces them that even the most outlandish plan has merit. JJ is practically holding her breath as she paces Henry about the briefing room, desperate to hold off his hungry cries while Garcia takes a suspiciously long time to prepare the bottle. JJ still isn't convinced that this is a good idea. She is eager to see her team and delighted to show off her son but she is not sure forcing babies on a couple so overwhelmed and unsure about their current situation will yield positive results; especially when that couple is Derek and Emily, king and queen of denial and avoidance. This little stunt could very well result in such drastic compartmentalization as to set the pair back by weeks.

She is relieved to see Emily's excitement in her greeting, and as the rest of the team files in behind her, JJ allows herself to relax and simply enjoy this time with her extended family. She is not at all surprised by Garcia's timing with the warmed bottle, but she is surprised when it is Derek who steps in to feed Henry.

As she hands him over, JJ gladly moves away to let her friends fuss. She is happy to see Derek jumping in with both feet. In true Morgan fashion, once he decides he's in, he's all in. She is also happy to see Emily smile as she watches him, a sarcastic comment about gas and a laugh shared with Garcia does well to cover the more serious thoughts underneath but JJ sees them. Emily is putting together a picture in her head, imagining her family together just as JJ had done every time she heard Will's voice over the phone, or saw the doctors' print out peaking from its pocket in her purse.

One should never doubt that Penelope Garcia is good at what she does. Meddling and scheming was dirty business, but someone had to do it and JJ is glad to have someone with such finesse looking out for her friends. Doing her unspoken part JJ is sure to give those friends their privacy as the team starts to scatter for the weekend.

"That baby looks pretty good on you." Emily murmurs to Derek. They are alone in the briefing room. Agents Todd, Rossi and Hotch have left for the night, Garcia has disappeared, and Reid and JJ are catching up over coffee in the break room.

Derek flashes Emily a bright smile. "He's just for practice, I'll trade him in for another model in about 7 months or so." he whispers. "A little girl I think, one that looks just like her mama."

"I had imagined a boy." Emily blushes, averting her eyes down to the ground where her left foot is toeing the warn carpet. "With caramel skin and a dimpled smile." she is about to say more when her stomach rumbles loudly bringing a low chuckle up from Derek's chest.

"I guess we'd better get that dinner we talked about." He says.

Emily nods but instead of moving to fulfill their plans the two stay where they are, taking each other in with shy smiles and nervous ticks. Both are painfully aware that these quiet moments have been few lately. It is only a matter of time before some careless comment made by one of them and perceived by the other with a heavy dose of insecurity will rock them again. It is a frustrating cycle that neither quite knows how to break.

When they do finally get moving both are relieved to find a comfortable air surrounding them. Their banter flows almost as naturally as it had before and Reid and JJ seam glad to see it when Henry is given back to his mother and excuses are made for Emily and Derek for the night.

'Are you ok?" Derek asks quietly before taking another bite into his club sandwich. Eventually they had managed to find themselves settling across from each other at an all night diner not far from Quantico. Now, despite her growling stomach and her insistence on ordering the largest meal on the menu, Emily is staring blankly at her burger after having only taken one bite.

"The tomatoes are soggy." She shrugs with a small shudder.

"I'll take them, just pick them off." Derek offers, happy to keep their conversation on unimportant matters for a little while longer.

Emily shakes her head and wrinkles her nose. "I would still taste them. They've contaminated the whole burger. I am not really hungry anymore." she smiles lightly and meets his disbelieving eyes. "I should be angry with you, y'know." she teases. "My whole body is revolting, even my taste buds, and it's all your fault."

"I don't think your body is revolting." Derek teases back with an appreciative glance at her bust. He watches the blush move across her chest and can't help but wonder how he survived two long months without being with her like this, without joking to ease the tension or exchanging reassuring glances, without having each other to lean on.

"You know what I mean." she responds after a pause. "your little mutineer is rocking my usually tightly run ship."

"I can't say I am really sorry about that." Although his tone is light his words go a long way to ease some of Emily's anxiety.

"I am not sorry either." She says seriously. "Just a little worried."

"What's worrying you?" Derek thinks the words sound lame, everything under the sun he can think to worry about he has. He imagines Emily worries about all those same things and then some.

"A lot of things." Emily confirms. "But mainly I worry about what this means for us."

Derek nods slowly and sucks in a deep breath. He busies himself setting down his sandwich and cleaning his hands with a napkin before he speaks. "I am not going anywhere." he says firmly. "I don't feel trapped and I don't have any second thoughts. I said a stupid thing eight weeks ago, and I followed it up with a few more stupid things but it's only because you fluster me."

"I fluster you?" Emily says as her eyebrows almost disappear into her hairline in surprise.

"You aren't like any woman I've ever met and I like you in a way I've never felt before." Derek says by way of clarification. "Not just as my best friend. I want you. I want to be with you." Emily opens her mouth to interrupt but Derek holds up his hand to stop her. "Before you ask; I am not just saying that because you're carrying my baby. It's what I should have said two months ago, what I wanted to say. But you fluster me."

"You said that already." Emily reminds him.

"Flustered." Derek says again, as if offering his rambling confession as an exhibit of evidence to a jury.

Emily nods with a shy smile. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I think it's a good thing."

Emily looks back down at her plate and contemplates his words for a moment. He is right that the last two months seem to have been one misunderstanding after another but knows that Derek is not the only one to blame. "It occurs to me that in all this time you've been saying the wrong things I haven't been saying anything at all." Emily says quietly. "Guess I get a little flustered around you too."

"So say something now." Derek's voice borders on pleading. "What do you want?"

"I want you too." She answers simply. Derek smiles a thousand watt smile but Emily holds up a hand to curb his excitement for a moment. "But I want to start slow." she says. "We got ahead of ourselves in Vegas, but that doesn't mean we need to skip everything else entirely."

"Go slow?" Derek repeats with a nod even though his tone is questioning.

"Yeah, we have nine months to build the foundation that most couples spend at least a few years building before deciding to have a baby." Emily looks down at the table and heaves a heavy sigh. "I want to make sure we have something solid."

"I can understand that." Derek agrees after a moment of contemplation. "We'll go slow." Emily smiles her appreciation at him and he returns with a goofy smile. "So... You wanna go out sometime?"

Emily laughs and replies with a coy smile. "Oh I don't know. I am a pretty busy woman."

Derek scoffs playfully, holding a hand over his chest in mock pain. In reality it feels as though a weight has lifted and he is breathing easier then he has in weeks. Maybe back to normal wasn't in the cards for them anymore, but for the first time since he returned from Las Vegas Derek is eager to see what kind of normal awaited them in the future.

TBC.

_SO, I have a few different ideas about where to take this story from here. I'd love to hear some input from you readers about what you'd like to see more of. Are you getting bored of the push and pull? Do I make them work for their happily ever after? Do I take the fluffy rout and hand it all over in one big sweet package? Do I be a big huge mean-y and take away the happy ending all together? Let me know what you think!_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of its characters; I just like to play with them sometimes.

Spoilers: This story takes place in season 4; it picks up at the beginning of 4x07 "Memoriam" and follows through to episode 4x12 'Soul Mates'

Note: This Chapter's kind of an in-between-y with no Cannon, but I'll get back to the episode 'Soul Mates' in the next chapter.

*Soul Mates*

Emily regrets the decision to keep her appointment a secret from Derek the moment she dons the scratchy paper gown and lays waiting on the flimsy sheets of the doctor's table. The lights, the instruments, the diagrams of wombs and babies on the walls bring back chilling memories for her but unlike all those years ago she's got no hand to hold and no one to confide her fears in.

As the doctor enters Emily struggles to control her breathing and forces a smile onto her face in greeting. Dr. Michaels introduces himself and Emily reminds herself that she isn't a scared little girl any more, that this visit isn't going to end with a week or two of heavy spotting and cramping and a lifetime of 'what-ifs' and guilt.

The doctor, a young man with an arrogant manner that sets Emily on edge asks a dozen questions about her health, barely looking at her as he scribbles notes into his file. He had come highly recommend by JJ, and Emily remembers him seeming friendly at Henry's birth but now his brisk get-to-work attitude is putting her off.

"Well Miss Prentiss." Dr. Michaels concludes, jumping out of his chair as though he's just remembered he's left his oven on at home. "Because of your advanced maternal age and medical history I am ordering a few tests be done as soon as possible, I have techs available today if you don't mind waiting?" Emily barely nods her consent before the young doctor is out the door.

Number one on her to-do list just became 'find a new doctor', unceremoniously bumping 'go on a date with Derek' down to two. Again Emily regrets not asking him to come here with her. At the very least Derek, having been brought up well in a home surrounded by women, would know to reassure her after being so coolly labeled of 'advanced maternal age'. At 39 in the shape she's in, Emily hardly believes that her health is any worse then the average 20-something in this country.

She grits her teeth through the ordered tests, again pushing aside memories of the scared lost girl she was at 15. This was not Rome. The rough clinical manner and gloved hands of the tech were not there to erase one sin with another. Emily doesn't regret the choice she made back then, but that doesn't mean she can't feel the absence of that child and shame around the events that led her to terminate it.

*CM*

"I got you something." Emily says quietly as she enters the bullpen 45 minutes later then usual. She sets a bagel down before Derek with a smile.

Derek puts down the pen he was signing off a report with and gives her a warm but suspicious look. "Where have you been?" he asks. Emily nods towards the bagel and moves to her own desk.

Derek is in the middle of unwrapping the morsel when he notices the envelope she'd slipped underneath it and his forehead wrinkles in confusion and amusement. The last time a girl slipped him a secret note he'd been in the 8th grade, but he can't imagine Emily's messy yet confident scrawl forming a question like 'do you like me?' or accompanying check boxes 'yes', 'no', or 'maybe'. He's not sure what he IS expecting but the dark fuzzy picture he pulls from the envelope makes his heart thump harder then any love note ever could.

It's not much more then a dark blob within another blob but as he stares closer he can just about make out the shape of a large head and tiny alien body, and the bent elbow of a developing arm. He can't be bothered to wipe the moisture gathering in his eyes or school his features so as not to give anything away to anyone else in the bullpen, he simply looks up to catch Emily's eye, gives her the most breathtaking smile she has ever seen and nods towards an empty interview room.

Emily watches him get up and allows herself an appreciative glance as he walks away. She waits a minute, taking a large bite of her own bagel and washing it down with a gulp of tea before following him. She is barely over the threshold of the room when the door shuts behind her and she finds herself pushed back onto it under a steamy but sweet kiss.

Emily can't help it, as much as she wants to chastise him for making such a bold move at work and point out that he'd agreed to take it slow, she melts into him instead and opens up to his seeking tongue with a low moan. The feeling of his body on hers after nearly three long months is nothing short of breathtaking and when he moves away she is panting.

"What was that for?" She asks, licking the lingering taste of him from her lips.

Derek chuckles and runs his fingers along her stomach before smoothing over it with his whole hand. "For everything, for being you." he grins before falling serious. "I would have come with you. I want to come with you for appointments. I want to be here every step of the way."

"I know." Emily smiles shyly. "I am sorry I didn't mention it. I didn't know I wanted you there until I got there."

"When's the next one?" Derek asks, his warm palm still pressed against her belly.

"I don't know" she shrugs. "I didn't book another with that doctor. I didn't like him."

Derek laughs at that and it earns him a glare. "Emily, you don't like any doctors."

"That's not true." she defends. "I like Reid."

"Yeah well, no offense to him, but if he gets anywhere close to your ... Anatomy... professionally or otherwise, I'll pummel him."

Emily snorts her laughter and gives an affectionate smile. "I'll look for another doctor and next time you can tag along to the appointment." she promises. She allows herself another minute of staring into his eyes before she gently reminds him that they're at work.

With a silent nod Derek presses another kiss, a chaste one this time, to her lips and gives her belly a little pat before moving to open the door. Emily steps further into the room to let him through and watches him go, collecting herself for a few moments before leaving the room and heading for the washroom.

At first Emily is relieved to find herself alone in the dimly lit ladies room. She had done her best to keep a casual air about her under Derek's attentions in the interview room but damn it if she didn't deserve a minute to grin like an idiot about it. She finishes washing her hands and is staring at herself in the mirror with said grin spreading wildly across her face when a voice from behind her sends Emily jumping into the air.

"Good weekend?"

"Jordan!" Emily gasps, her hand pressing into her chest to slow her speeding heart as she catches her breath. "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that."

"I didn't sneak." The dark woman defends; an amused twinkle in her eye. "You were distracted." Emily sends a mock glare her way but is unable to keep a sheepish smirk off her face. "Does this have anything to do with the sudden end of the Morgan/Prentiss cold war?" Agent Todd asks slyly.

Emily gives the young woman a quizzical look. "Have you been hanging out with Garcia?"

"No." Agent Todd laughs. "Just being observant."

"You know, Jordan, I think you've missed your calling." Emily says. "You'd make a pretty decent profiler."

"I am honored that you think so, but I don't think this unit is for me." A look passes over Agent Todd's face that is somewhere between surprise, disappointment and relief; relief at having finally voiced this thought, disappointed in herself over how true it was.

Emily nods her understanding. Though she's been accused of being cold for her compartmentalization skills, inwardly she'd had a rough time adjusting to the constant horror. This wasn't her first field job, it certainly wasn't her first tangle with evil and perverted minds, but there was something about the sheer volume of cases; the overwhelming number of sick and depraved serial criminals operating in every corner of society that hit you like a ton of bricks and made the world take on a bleaker hue.

"I think you're doing just fine." She assured the liaison. "But absolutely no one would blame you for not wanting this job. It takes a lot of sacrifice: mental, physical, social... It's not for everyone."

"No, it certainly isn't" Todd nods before the twinkle enters her eyes again. "That's why it makes sense, you and Agent Morgan."

Emily's eyes widen at her words. "Agent Todd, I don't know what you think..."

"It's ok." Todd interrupts Emily's defensiveness. "I am not going to report you, I think it's great that he can make you smile a smile like the one you had when I walked in here despite everything you do and see out there." Silence descends that is neither awkward nor forced, just a small moment in which both women stand mulling over the exchange before Agent Todd get's back to business. "Agent Hotchner is gathering the team in the briefing room; we'll be on our way to Florida this afternoon."

Emily sends a small smile of thanks to Agent Todd as she slips back out into the harsh light of the BAU corridor. Despite the tension and jealousy she had experienced towards the young woman a few weeks ago, Emily knows she would never be able to hold it against her. Jordan Todd is going places in the Bureau, maybe not in the BAU's direction but she is certainly destined to move up and Emily admires that the liaison, though ambitious, seems determined not to step over anyone along the way.

Emily keeps herself clear of Derek as she takes her place in the briefing room, ignoring the hurt look that dampens the Cheshire grin he'd still been wearing when she walked in, she asks Reid about his weekend and passes the time waiting for Hotch gently teasing her young friend.

She manages to avoid him until wheels up 30 minutes later when he plants himself firmly in the seat next to hers. "Everything ok?" he asks quietly.

"Sure." Emily nods. "Everything's great."

Despite her reassuring smile Derek looks unconvinced. "I thought we were good this morning, did I overstep?"

"No!" Emily insists an appreciative smile warming her features at his worry. She can see that he is trying and feels awful about playing hot and cold with him. "I just had an interesting conversation with Jordan after we spoke."

"About what?" Derek asks, his shoulders squaring as if bracing for some crushing blow and Emily's guilt doubles. She never meant to make him feel so insecure.

"Us." Emily whispers with a shrug. Keeping her demeanor casual to anyone outside looking in. "It made me realize that we need to be more careful, if the newbie has us figured out how much longer do you think it will take Hotch to start asking questions?"

"So let him ask." Derek says, his shrug matches her for casual air but his tone holds an edge. "They're going to figure it out soon enough" he says with a glance at her abdomen. "You should tell him soon anyways, so he can keep you out of the field."

Emily meets his gaze with a fiery glare but any response she may have been formulating is cut off by Hotch calling them together to further review the case. Push and Pull, she thinks tiredly as she moves to sit with the team. Derek heaves a heavy sigh as he follows, one that tells Emily he is equally as weary of their little dance.

TBC!

_You know the drill! Review review review! I am still looking for impute about what you'd like to see more of over the coming chapters!_


	10. Chapter 10

DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine. Unfortunately.

…

One week. One whole week has passed in the oppressive humidity of south Florida and Derek and Emily have barely spoken a word to one another. The case is slow going but it IS going, they have their UnSub in sight it's just a matter of catching something solid on him.

When the local police jump the gun and bring William Harris in prematurely Derek is so happy for the distraction he can't even bring himself to be upset.

In contrast to the stifling heat of the local precinct, Emily's cold shoulder has been frigid. At first Derek had told himself that he would give her a day or two to simmer and patch things up after the case was closed but as the days drew on and a whole week went by, Derek was so impressed by her endurance that he was tempted to let it go on that way on principal alone.

His suggestion that she be kept out of the field didn't feel like an unreasonable one. While Derek had known that Emily wouldn't be happy about being left behind, he hadn't expected refusal. And refusal was exactly what had flashed through her glare on the plane. Pure stubborn refusal.

The fact that Emily had spent the entire case with Hotch only added to his frustration. While he did trust the man with his life, Derek was having trouble trusting him with the lives of Emily and their child. Emily would call it male pride, over protective, chauvinistic, but Derek called it evolution. That was his baby, his blood, and if Emily wasn't going to be happy to sit back and play it safe then at the very least he wanted to be the one by her side to protect her.

Derek throws all of this frustration and then some into the interrogation of William Harris. A man so calm and collected, so arrogant in his belief that they'd never be able to charge him that Derek has trouble hiding his amusement as he and Rossi weave their web and wait. The over confidence is the key to breaking him and the sooner they do the sooner he can go home and hash it out with Emily. Again.

The kidnapping of The Harris girl is not entirely unexpected but it still manages to shock Derek, to fill his chest with guilt over having baited the mystery partner so brazenly.

Watching Harris struggle to choose between his partner and his daughter is what finally brings Derek's frustration boiling over. There wasn't a choice to be made, the man's daughter was alone with an anger excitation rapist and he held the power to save her from it. So what if the psycho found fulfillment and deep connection he was otherwise incapable of maintaining through his sick and twisted secret. His baby girl is in danger and the correct course of action should be obvious.

Shouldn't it?

"Be a man!" Derek yells, his body shaking with rage. "For God's sake, be a father!"

From the outside looking in Derek sees that the answer is obvious, and yet the memory of screeching car tires and Emily's pale face greening with nausea as her voice remained calm and professional over the radio makes Derek feel like a hypocrite. He hadn't been able to stop the car. Emily wouldn't be able to take a back seat. This was their job, it brought them fulfillment and connection, it was who they were. No choice is ever as obvious as it seams.

When they move in on the old boat house he watches Emily hang back, floating along the periphery until both suspects are secured before rushing in to free the Harris girl. Just like L.A and the arrest of Norman Hill. Forgiveness surges through him and he catches her eyes across the group, conveying his apology under cool dark sky and flashing lights.

Trust has never come easily to Derek but he thinks he's just figured it out. It's not Hotch or even himself he needs to trust with her safety and that of their child, it's Emily. The right choice may seem obvious from the outside looking in, but he has to trust that she is the only one who can decide what the right choice is for her.

*

Emily groans in protest and pulls the scratchy hotel sheet up over her head, as though it is going to block out the light but insistent knocking on her door. As if growing a human wasn't exhausting enough the oppressive heat and week long game of cat and mouse with William Harris and Stephen Baleman has completely wiped her out. She'd practically run back to the hotel and into a cool shower before pulling the soft light cotton of her new favorite sleep shirt over her head and falling into bed.

"Go away!" she yells, hoping the sheet and the door doesn't muffle her voice so badly as to completely obscure her order.

"Sorry but I need to speak with you Agent." comes a muffled reply.

Emily's eyes shoot open and she sits straight up in the bed so fast the rushing blood momentarily blinds her. She had just assumed it was Derek, and as much as she knew they needed to speak, to apologize and reconnect after the last week of stony silence, she also knows he'd understand her need to rest first and hash their shit out later. If not Derek she could think of at least three other people she would expect to knock on her hotel room door late at night before Aaron Hotchner.

"I am sorry, sir!" she exclaims as she pulls the door open wide. "I thought you were someone else."

"No offense taken, Prentiss." Hotch assures her before looking away and clearing his throat. "I also wouldn't take any offense if you needed a moment to change."

Emily's face flushes as the hot sting of embarrassment touches her cheeks. "Shit" she curses with a hiss, turning to grab her robe from the bathroom door. She'd been so surprised by her unexpected visitor that she hadn't thought to cover herself before answering the door. Now her boss had just seen her in a thin T-shirt that barely covers her bottom and literally nothing else.

"Ass, Gas, or Grass" Hotch says. His face is serious as always but his eyes shine with amusement. "Not exactly a sentiment I would expect from you, Prentiss."

Emily does her best to shrug casually. "What can I do for you, Hotch?"

"I wanted to ask you about some odd behavior I've witnessed lately." The team leader says in his usual manner, his eyes growing serious again.

Emily gulps. "Sir, I was hoping we could keep this out of your purview for now, I promise we're working it..."

"We?" Hotch questions. "I was here to ask you about Agent Todd."

Emily curses again and rubs a hand over her still warm face. If she weren't so tired, so unbelievably exhausted by everything emotional and physical causing such havoc on her, she wouldn't have made such a telling slip.

"Who were you talking about?" Hotch asks. When she looks at him she knows instantly that he knows. He is not here to talk about Jordan Todd and he never was.

"Look, Hotch" Emily starts nervously chewing her cheeks and lip. "Is there any way we can have a do-over of this conversation? One where I don't plant both feet so firmly in my own mouth within the first few minutes?"

Hotch has the good grace to smile lightly at her nervous humor. "I was actually hoping I'd catch Morgan here as well." he says. "I wanted to have this conversation outside of the office. Maybe we can start over when he gets here."

Although her boss seemed to be in pretty good spirits, Emily had to work to keep her stomach down where it belonged in her gut. Silently she sends a quick message to Derek and then pulls on a pair of jeans and replaces her robe with a zip-up sweater that she lets hang open, enough to feel covered but not feel light headed from the heat.

Shock still tumbles through her mind that Aaron Hotchner has shown up this way, that this conversation was going to happen here and now. She wonders if the usually stoic unit chief is trying to put her at ease. Though they aren't particularly close Emily considers Hotch a good friend, yet being with him under such friendly pretense is unnerving.

Emily had not mentioned the presence of their boss in the message she sent Derek. The decision to leave that information out had not been intentional but she finds herself feeling rather righteous about the fact that his surprise puts them on equally nervous footing. Because while she could take advantage of Derek's optimism to help hold up her own shaky acceptance of this situation they find themselves in; the fact is his confidence over the last week or so has irked her. So she allows herself a moment of smug satisfaction when Mr. Got-it-all-figured-out shoots her a look of panic as he enters the room.

"I wanted to talk to you two about what's been happening lately." Hotch breaks the ice with warmth in his usual business like tone. "I wanted to do it outside of the office because officially the less I know the better, but I can't lead this team if I don't know what's going on between two of my best agents."

Derek and Emily share a long look, each pleading with the other to find an answer that will satisfy everyone. Asking each other how much of their current situation they should share and how exactly they were to define it in terms an outsider would understand. She shrugs lightly after a few moments and he shakes his head, bringing a large hand up to massage the tensing muscles of his neck.

"Start with Vegas and go from there" Hotch prompts gently causing Emily to blush crimson, her face almost glowing in the dim lighting of the hotel room.

"We slept together in Vegas" Derek answers with a flick of his eyebrows. "It wasn't something we planned and there was a... Misunderstanding afterwards."

"And up until 2 weeks ago I thought I could trust you two to work through it" Hotch nods along as if hurrying the plot forward. "but something has changed and the dynamics of this team are suffering."

Derek sends Emily another look, making it clear that he is done speaking, that how much or little to reveal to their boss about more recent developments is totally up to her. Emily smiles her thanks, recognizing his gesture as a subtle apology for their most recent disagreement.

"In Phoenix we got some news that forced us to reevaluate our misunderstanding and we just need a little time to shake things out." Emily states cryptically, but it is plain from the look on Hotch's face that she cannot leave it at that. She knows he needs more, and if she is to say anything else without telling him about the pregnancy it will only cause her more trouble when the truth does come out.

"I am pregnant" Emily admits. Her arms wrap even tighter across her chest and she works hard not to avert her gaze from the unit chief's.

By the widening of his eyes and the jump of his brow it is obvious this was not what Aaron Hotchner had expected to hear. A confession that they'd been sleeping together, that they were perusing a relationship, he'd been prepare for that, but not this. "Congratulations" he says for lack of anything better.

Derek seems to relax a bit at his place by the door but Emily tenses further. "I hadn't wanted to tell you yet" she says quietly. "Nothing personal, I just know that you're almost as insistent as Derek when it comes to being over-protective and I am not ready to come out of the field."

"Officially I don't know anything." Hotch reminds them. "So you can continue as usual with the stipulation that I won't ask questions if you want to remove yourself from potentially dangerous situations."

"Thank you" Emily says. Because she is truly thankful for how well this conversation seems to be going.

"When I do find out about this officially there will be a lot to talk about." Hotch says with a curt nod as he moves for the door. "In the mean time I will continue to keep you separate as much as possible without being obvious." he shakes hands with Derek on his way out and the two share an intense look that Emily isn't quite sure how to read.

When he is gone Emily sighs heavily and drops her hands to her sides. "I think that went rather well, considering." She meets Derek's gaze and returns his small smile but he says nothing so she moves to the small fridge in the corner and pulls out two bottles of water.

Emily jumps as she rights herself to find his breath on her neck and his chest radiating heat against her back. "Is that my shirt?" Derek asks, his voice thick with amusement and desire.

Emily shivers, the bottles slipping from her grasp and clunking noisily to the ground but neither seem eager to fetch them. "As I remember it you gave it to me, so now it's my shirt."

"I don't think so, Princess." Derek laughs making his chest vibrate deliciously against Emily's back. "I let you borrow it, but I think I want it back now." His fingers worry the hem of the soft cotton, ghosting along her jean-clad thighs in the process.

"Right now?" Emily's voice is breathy and she's pretty sure he can feel her heart pounding from his close proximity. She shrugs her shoulders and allows her sweater to fall down her arms and land quietly between them. The grin she sends him over her shoulder is daring and seductive.

A small groan pulls from Derek's throat and he tugs the shirt higher but doesn't remove it, instead his large hands caress her warm belly. "You are very tempting, woman." he whispers in her ear. "But we decided to go slow remember?"

Emily pouts. "Who's stupid idea was that?" she asks.

"Doesn't matter" he chuckles. "But I think the reasons were sound. We need more then a physical relationship if we're gonna be parents together."

"Tell that to my hormones" turning carefully in his arms she stares lustily up into his chocolate eyes. "Will you stay?" she asks, her voice low and almost shy.

"Emily..." he swallows thickly around her name but doesn't say anything else. She can tell that he is working hard to control himself, that his mind is intent on fulfilling his promise if not his body.

"We won't do anything." she promises weekly, though they share a look that says neither are entirely convinced. "I just want to sleep, but I want you to stay."

"Why?" Derek asks, he is still uncomfortable but his shoulders are relaxing down and his breaths are evening out.

"Because I am 3 months pregnant with your child and I still don't know what it's like to wake up in your arms."

TO BE CONTINUED

I am kind of having trouble focusing on this story. I have a couple others started that are exciting me more at the moment but I am trying to stick to one at a time! Sorry about the huge delay, holidays are nutso around here.


	11. Chapter 11

DISCLAIMER: I don't own criminal minds or any of the characters there in, please don't sure me, I just like to play with them.

Author's note: It's been MONTHS since I updated this story. I lost my train of thought with it and was working on a few other things non-fic related. Then I was mourning the loss of our dear Prentiss (again) and found more inspiration to write! SO I will be continuing this and likely starting another to keep this pairing alive!

Also note: The story continues here away from canon, it will no longer follow the arch of the episodes. I am on my own... also I did the editing on this in odd chunks so I am sorry if I missed anything.

"I think I was already showing by 12 weeks" JJ says eying up the brunette stepping into her office.

"My dress pants are definitely getting tighter anyways" Emily admits, motioning to where her waist band was digging uncomfortably into her sides. "I came to welcome you back."

"Thanks" the blonde smiled, waiting for Emily to take a seat in front of her desk. "Is it weird that I am glad to be back?"

Emily laughs at JJ's words, ones that echo her own sentiments a few short years ago. "I don't think so." she shrugs.

"How're you feeling?" JJ asks with a sympathetic smile. She hasn't missed the paleness of Emily's face or the frustrated crease to her brow.

The sigh that Emily heaves confirms the liaison's suspicion that Emily came to do more than welcome her back. The profiler was in need of a friend. "gross." she says simply "all the books make it sound like a magical switch flicks at the end of the first trimester and suddenly you feel great. But I don't. I just feel gross"

"The first lesson of parenthood is that the books are almost always wrong.". JJ comments with a rueful smile. "How about things with Derek? I saw you two walk in together."

Emily waves her hand to quell the blonde's waggling eyebrows. "He picked me up this morning." she dismissed, looking very much like she wouldn't say anything more until she blurted "he won't touch me"

JJ raised a delicate eyebrow, prompting her friend to go further.

"We agreed that we would go slowly, that we needed to have a relationship based on more than just sex if we were going to make it work in the long run." Emily explains before biting her lip and pausing to catch her breath.

"You didn't think the previous 3 years of friendship were enough?" JJ asks dryly but nods an apology at Emily's glare; this wasn't her place to question.

"That's different, that's work." Emily grunts. "It was my idea to take it slow. I still want to take it slow. But right now we're not going slow, we're not going at all."

"This is Derek Morgan we're talking about? How could it be not going at all?" JJ asks in disbelief. She knows that Derek's reputation is mostly exaggerated, but the man practically oozed sex appeal.

"I don't know!" Emily cries in exasperation. "A month ago he was stealing kisses in empty interview rooms and patting my belly at every turn. Then we spend a night together in Florida and suddenly he's backed off."

"Spent the night together in..."

"Not like that, we just slept no funny business." Emily sighs. "He drives me to and from work; he brings me breakfast every morning and reminds me to take my vitamin. We talk, we joke around, we flirt and then... Perfect gentleman. But we both know the allure of Derek Morgan is that he is, at best, an imperfect gentleman."

"So tell him you've changed your mind, you've only got a few months before this baby comes, you should be going fast."

"I have! He just smiles and says he'd love too but he doesn't want to ruin things between us." Emily let out a groan that bordered on a scream; a deep cry of frustration that startled both women slightly. "The man is going to make me beg" she says flatly.

"Don't beg, just... Don't let him say no." JJ replies with a saucy look. Emily laughs.

The situation is so dire, Emily thinks, her head may just explode before they reach her apartment door and the inevitable polite goodbye. The elevator dings its happy reminder that they've made it to her floor and Derek's large warm hand is pressed into the small of her back, guiding Emily along as he laughs over something Garcia had told him that day.

She's already angry and disappointed; though she keeps her face schooled in a look of loving interest she's already a good ten minutes ahead in time. Her mind has played through the rest of the conversation as it has gone every night they've been home for a month and her heart has fast-forwarded to the part where she ends up on the other side of her door alone.

"…And then Hotch put on a bright pink football helmet and had Reid shoot him out of a cannon" Derek continues, watching Emily grunt along without really listening. He'd lost her somewhere on the drive home from the restaurant and he knows it.

"Wait, what?" Emily rolls her eyes at Derek's smirk when she finally catches on. It does little to draw attention from the blush spreading across her pale cheeks. "Guess I am a little out of it."

"I'll say." Derek agrees. He says nothing more but Emily knows it's not an accusation, nor is it a push for more information. Over the past few weeks Derek has turned into this annoyingly patient saint, never pushing her, never doubting her.

Emily moves to key open her lock and then stands limply by the open door waiting for the usual good bye but he surprises her.

"I was thinking maybe I could come in tonight."

"Seriously?" Emily asks, caught off guard.

"Is that ok?" He asks back.

Emily nods slowly and leads the way into her apartment. Outerwear is shed in silence and both are hard pressed to remember a time they were so unsure of each other. Drinks awkwardly offered and accepted are collected in the open concept kitchen and soon enough well intended small talk is dying on their lips as they sit stiffly side by side on her couch.

Emily is silently chastising herself for being so awkward when she feels Derek's body move closer, his warmth seeping into her skin and causing her to relax almost against her will. He doesn't speak until he has her wrapped tightly in his arms and the two are comfortably leaned back against the dark leather cushions.

"Is this ok?"

"This is wonderful" Emily hums into his chest.

"I realize you're not happy with the pace we're moving" he murmurs lightly into the shell of her ear. "I want you to know that it's not because I don't want you, or think you are the sexiest women alive."

"Oh please" Emily rolls her eyes but her elation at his compliment can't be missed on her face.

"I am serious" Derek urges, one of his hands coming to rest in the slight swell of their child between them. "I always found you attractive, always admired your brains and your beauty, but watching your body change with our baby. It's unexpectedly the sexiest thing I've ever experienced."

"Then why are we going so damn slow?" There is just enough humor in her tone to keep the conversation light but Derek knows she's serious. "Why did you slam on the breaks after Florida?"

"It's hard to explain" Derek tried to shrug off but the look on Emily's face made it clear that a real answer was required here.

"Was it something I did?" she asked, worried.

"No" Derek reassures. "Definitely not. Sleeping next to you, waking up with you, it was Amazing, and I guess I just want to make sure I get to do that for a long time to come."

"You want to make sure of that by not doing it anymore?" Emily asked, her brow lifting into a delicate skeptical arch.

"I want to make sure of that by not screwing this up." Derek corrected with a rueful smile. "I want a relationship not based on sex, but I guess I am just having trouble figuring out how to do that." he admitted.

"I don't think you are." Emily said, taking one of his large dark hands and threading her fingers through his. "You've been so sweet and supportive and caring. We've been partners and friends for three years, our relationship is based on trust and sure, a fair amount of flirting and innuendo, but that's who we are, I don't think it's a bad thing."

"So why did you ask me to take it slow?" Derek asked incredulously. She was right, he knew, and yet she had been right a few weeks ago as well.

"Because I thought exactly what you think now" she laughed. "but I didn't really expect that plan to last this long."

"Really now." Derek smiled devilishly. "And why, exactly, would you think that?"

"Oh I don't know" Emily said as she ran the fingers of her free hand over Derek's muscled shoulders and chest, her head shifting to press close to his neck. "Just a feeling I guess" she breathed into his pulse point.

Derek let out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a groan as he let his own hands move along her body, over her back her hips, down her thigh to hook under her knee. With one swift movement he pulled her leg over his lap so that she was sprawled atop of him. "Your instincts are usually so dead on."

With a wide toothy smile Emily sat up to meet Derek's eyes. "I forgot to factor in how stubborn you could be" she winked causing another chuckle to reverberate through his chest under her hands.

"Just to be sure" Derek asked as his hands moved up over her body to settle in her hair. "We're not going slow anymore?"

"Please no" Emily murmured letting his strong hands guide her closer. "I don't think I'd survive any longer"

"My thoughts exactly" Derek breathed just before their lips finally met.

"I hear ginger root is a great remedy for morning sickness" Emily is so shocked by the voice beside her she nearly leaps straight out of her seat in the back of the jet. They're on their way home from a case in Kansas, she'd left Derek and Reid playing a game of cards that was more trash talk then strategy nearly half an hour before to battle down her dinner & try to rest between bouts of turbulence. As far as she'd known they'd been the only team members still awake. Apparently she was wrong.

"Has anyone ever told you it's not nice to sneak up on people?" She asks Rossi as he smiles smugly at her. She does little to hide her defensiveness; it was only a matter of time before she was found out.

"What are you going to do?" Rossi laughs. "Throw up on me?"

"I might." Emily replies ruefully, placing a hand over her noticeably rounding stomach. "When did you figure it out?"

"When that new little gesture of yours made an appearance a few weeks ago." the older man says with a nod towards Emily's hand stroking softly over her baby. She has the grace to blush but doesn't move to change the behavior. "I'd say the jig is almost up anyways, you won't be able to hide it much longer."

"You're probably right." Emily smiles softly. "Just promise to act surprised so Reid doesn't feel left out for being the last to know."

Rossi chuckles lightly at her joke before bringing his voice down into a serious tone. "Morgan is treating you right?"

More blush from Emily. "We're still figuring this all out, but he's been really great." She doesn't ask how he knows her child's paternity, his annoying ability to know everything without having to ask is a trait she's learned to live with and even respect.

"Can't be easy though." the old profiler nudges "if I may toe the line between friendly observation and profiling..." it is obviously a question, but Emily has no doubt her mentor would continue whether she gave her permission or not so she nods gently for him to go ahead. "It's nice to see you two on speaking terms again, but the last few weeks have been a little..."

"Strained?" Emily admits, her fingers working furiously at the nail beds of the opposite hand. "I know." silently she considers how much she is willing to share while Rossi sits patiently across from her. "I guess it's just weird, ya know? We're trying to just enjoy each other, to enjoy dating and the newness of it all but it's tough to do while simultaneously planning the next 18 years of our lives together."

"I can see that." Rossi nods. "18 years is a long time, but you two work well together. You'll figure it out."

Emily smiles lightly but remains unconvinced. Rossi is an excellent profiler and a good friend but famously not entirely adept at holding onto long term relationships. "He's just so confident." Emily finds herself whispering hoarsely, trying to get her point across while keeping Derek or anyone else from being able to listen in. "Nothing bothers him. Not my inability to pick a doctor, or the fact that neither of us has spent more than minutes alone with any child let alone a normal one who hasn't just had their life torn apart. It doesn't bother him that I don't want to move out of my condo or come out of the field yet. I bet I could tell him I wanted to dye the baby green and name it Zanzibar and he'd just smile and say 'I trust you, Princess.'."

"He's being supportive." Rossi shrugged.

"He's being naive." Emily huffed. "Or dishonest; I can't quite figure out which."

"Is it possible that he really is just happy with the way things are going?" Rossi suggested gently. "Could he just really trust you, and support you, and feel like the two of you are capable of handling all this?"

Emily didn't answer right away, instead sending Rossi a frustrated pout as her fingers continued to tear each other apart. "If he is then I feel horrible because I am freaking the fuck out."

"Of coarse you are" Rossi said gently, leaning forward to place a comforting hand over hers, stopping the nervous picking. "You are confronting past demons and reconciling being a strong successful kick-ass-and-take-names woman with the vulnerability of the life growing inside of you." Emily sent the older man a pointed look, letting him know he was now definitely toeing the line but Rossi continued on. "Derek Morgan is a protector and deeply connected to his family. Despite what his bachelor years may have looked like, this is a roll he fills quite naturally."

"He's going to be a great father." Emily confirmed with a quiet smile.

"And you" Rossi amended. "You are going to be a fantastic mother. You just don't know it yet."

**TO BE CONTINUED**

Again, so sorry it took me so long to get back to this story. But I am back now, with a vengeance! Ha.


	12. Chapter 12

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters. I can only wish I did. No infringement is intended.

***  
>"Does it bother you that I don't have prenatal care yet?" Emily asks suddenly. They are lying quietly in her darkening apartment watching the sun set over the Capitol. The topic has only come up once or twice; she feels guilty and inadequate for her avoidance and yet the mere mention of seeing another doctor for another examination shuts her down completely. Derek doesn't push, he knows there is something she's left out, but he seems content to wait for her to spit it out in her own time.<p>

"Not really" Derek shrugs. "The first doctor, despite being too "young and impersonal" for you, said the baby was healthy and I trust you to keep him that way. You'll find someone you trust"

Emily puffs out a breath and raises a brow at him. "Does anything bother you these days?"

The serene smile Derek had been holding on his face melted away and his brow creased with worry. "I am trying to be supportive, Em." She nods incredulously but doesn't argue, grateful that her earlier conversation with Rossi has calmed her nerves enough not to react on emotion and hormone alone. "Why don't you have prenatal care?" Derek asks after a long pause, his hands, anticipating her tension, are easing it away from her back and shoulders before it can even take root.

Still, she maintains avoidance, hoping she can just relax into his arms and let his heart lull her to sleep. "I just haven't found a doctor I like. I am trying but it's tough with our schedules."

"It's tough to get in with our schedules, I know." Derek murmurs. "But I get the feeling we wouldn't make it through most of the visits anyways." Emily shrugs against him but says nothing and he allows the silence to go on so long she starts to think his little nudge will be the only push he musters. "You can tell me, Emily." he finally responds. "I promise you I am here, I am not going anywhere. I will support you no matter what."

Emily pulls herself from the couch to pace the room. "The doctors. The pregnancy, the exams and the tests." Emily says quietly. "It just, brings it all back."

"Brings what back?" He urges causing Emily to turn sharply and meet his eyes.

"How do you know?" she asks. Derek raises an eyebrow in confusion of the sudden direction change. "That you'll support me no matter what." Emily clarifies.

"because I can't think of anything that would make me want to leave you" Derek's answer is simple and honest enough to put Emily at ease but still her hands shake with fear of what telling him will do. Will he look at her differently? Will he pity her? Hate her?

"What if it's something so awful that you hadn't even thought of it?" She asks arms wrapping around herself as a wave of guilt and nausea roll through her gut.

"Em." just Em. Just her name spoken in a chiding tone that under any other circumstances would earn him a jab in the arm or chest. When she doesn't respond he moves forward, close enough to put a heavy comforting hand on her shoulder as he looks her in the eye. "What does it all bring back?"

"It brings back memories of a really awful thing that happened when I was young. Something I did" Emily sighs in surrender, her eyes misting.

The moisture in her eyes builds but doesn't fall as she recounts her story. She leaves nothing out, not the way John Cooley had only needed to compliment her pale skin and pretty eyes to get her legs up in his bed, or the look in Matthew Benton's eyes when she told him she'd slept with his crush. She'd been mean to him; cruelly pointing out that John was straight, that he wouldn't take smitten Matthew if he was the last person on earth. Because maybe if Matthew hated her he would stop looking at her with such drowning heartbreak and disappointment.

Somehow Emily's voice stayed steady as she told Derek how despite all that Matthew had been there to hold back her hair in the girl's bathroom at school when she'd spilled her guts and a great many tears over the news that she was pregnant. How he'd held her hand through the procedure. Her voice finally cracked when she detailed Matthew's public display of solidarity, his subsequent exile from a faith he had held such passion for and the drugs that took its place.

Through it all Derek's eyes never left hers, his hand remained firm and kind on her arm. When she was finished he had the good sense not to say anything at all, instead he gathers her in his arms and kisses her tear stained cheeks.

"I don't regret what I did" Emily says a long time later. They've moved back to the couch and have been silently contemplating the dark monoliths of the Capitol out her window. "Part of me feels like I should. Like not regretting that I didn't give that child a chance to grow makes me not so different from the UnSubs we chase."

"You were just a kid, Emily." Derek says. His voice hoarse from disuse. "Considering the circumstance I think you made the right decision." Emily nods softly against him. She didn't need his validation but it was nice just the same.

"I don't regret it, but I still don't know how to face a doctor's exam table without reliving every second of it." She murmurs. "Under those lights, the smell of the gloves, the clinking of the instruments. I don't know how to do that without being that scared little girl again. I mean, I've been examined since without issue but now, for some reason..."

Emily trails off to try and calm herself. Just thinking about another prenatal appointment sending her body into panic. Derek soothes her gently, whispering reassurance in her ear and placing small kisses in her hair until he feels her body relaxing back against him.

"I'll be there, Em." he says. "We'll find a way. We can take our time; find the right doctor who understands. It'll be ok."

"I had this idea a few weeks ago, but..."

"But what?"

"It's silly." Emily blushes. "You'll think I am crazy."

"Never"

"What about a midwife?" Emily regrets the words the moment Derek goes quiet behind her. "I know, silly right? I just thought, because midwives are more holistic and work out of birthing centers or offices and not big scary medical labs..."

"Would that be safe?" Derek asked finally. "I mean, I trust you and whatever you think is best is what we'll do, but if something goes wrong..."

"I don't know" Emily shrugs. "But maybe if we found one to talk to, we could just ask a few questions."

"I think that's a good idea" Derek agrees quietly

***

Weeks later Emily finds herself relaxed and smiling next to Derek as they talk about the pregnancy, just four months along, with Judy. Judy is not much older than Emily and yet her warmth and her wisdom remind her of the few hazy memories she has of her French grandmother. Judy is knowledgeable, understanding, gentle, welcoming, and supportive. Emily glances at Derek and catches him watching her with a small smile; she can read relief and excitement rolling off of him.

"Thank you so much for your time, Judy." Emily smiles wide. "It's such a relief to meet you; we've been having trouble finding a good fit for us."

"It's great that you've been so careful with this decision" Judy nods. "It's so important to have a care provider you both feel comfortable with." She shoots a look at Derek as if to confirm that he is, in fact, comfortable with everything they'd discussed.

Derek answers with an easy smile. "I agree, and I think you're the one" he offers after a quick confirming glance at Emily.

"Definitely" Emily nods. "And this center is wonderful" she adds, motioning around them. Judy's office is the opposite of a doctors office, there are no medical instruments, no harsh lights or diagrams, just soft earthy tones and beautiful art work, there is a small area set up in a far corner for examinations, but it looks comfortable and definitely isn't the focal point of the room. The birthing room they'd visited earlier was spacious and comfortable. Comfortable beds and chairs, large pools, what medical tools were there were accessible without being obvious or intimidating. Emily definitely felt safe here.

"It is great." Judy agreed. "We can attend your birth at home as well, but for those who feel more comfortable, or need closer monitoring, the center is a beautiful warm and loving place to be born."

"Birth at home?" Derek asked, surprised.

"Sure." Judy answered with a smile. "Technically your age is borderline to be labeled high risk, Emily, but you're in great health and providing everything stays that way I'd say you were a good candidate for a home birth if you wanted it. Birthing at home with a qualified attendant is just as safe as birthing in a medical environment."

"We'll give that some thought, thank you" Emily answered with a wide eyed look at Derek.

"You've certainly given us a lot to think about" Derek agreed.

"Ok, I'll let the receptionist know that you'll need some flexibility in your scheduling, so she should get to know you." Judy laughed. "Assuming nothing comes up we'll see you in a few weeks for your next prenatal appointment."

Derek and Emily said their goodbyes and met with the receptionist to fill out appropriate forms before they headed out into the warm spring afternoon. A contented sigh left Emily's mouth as she sat back into the passenger's seat. She took Derek's hand softly before he could start the engine.

"I feel so much better about everything knowing we have Judy" She said with a smile. "I was worried we wouldn't find someone good and this whole thing would end up being traumatic."

"Me too." Derek admitted, grasping her hand firmly. "Having the baby at home is kind of a shocking idea to me. Is that something you'd want to do?"

"I don't know, I think I need to look into it more." Emily shrugged. She smiled brightly as Derek brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it softly.

"So Miss Prentiss, what does the rest of your day off look like?" He asked, reaching for the ignition. "Care for a hot date with your baby-daddy?"

"Oh I don't know" Emily rolled her eyes at his slang. "I was thinking a hot date with a warm bath and a good book was in order"

"We could do both" Derek offered with a wink as he pulled away from the birthing center.

"Oh?" Emily grinned.

"Actually, I thought I could make you some lunch and then I had something I wanted to talk about." Although Derek was smiling contentedly, his body the definition of relaxed, Emily found herself licking her lips in nervousness.

"Ok." She nodded.

Derek can see that she is trying rather valiantly to keep the worry from her brow. He hadn't intended to make her nervous with his request to talk, the subject he wanted to bring up wasn't all that heavy, or at least he didn't think so. He knows there is no way to convince her of that though, not without telling her his plan and he would rather do so when they are relaxed and he doesn't need to concentrate on the road.

Emily, to her credit, doesn't needle at him the way he expected her too. She patiently spends the car ride home discussing the stories coming over the radio and happily goes along with him as he runs her a bath and tells her with a hot slow kiss that he expects her to relax and not come down until he tells her lunch is ready.

The moment he hears her start some soft relaxing music and shut the door to her private bath he sets to work putting together a light lunch. He takes care to follow Judy's instruction from earlier and focuses on protein, healthy fats, and fiber. After scouring the available ingredients and a bit of research he puts together a creamy chicken and avocado salad, with a side of fresh fruit and veggies.

He has just cleaned up and is arranging his hard work on the kitchen island when he hears the music turn off and the sounds of Emily draining the tub and getting dressed. Quickly he runs to grab the final touch for the table from his jacket pocket.

"Can I come down, or are you still scheming?" Emily's voice trails from the top of the stairs.

"I wasn't scheming!" Derek called back, playfully defensive.

Emily rounded the bottom of the stairs with a look that tells him just how much she's not buying his innocence, but the look is almost immediately replaced with a wide-eyed smile.

"Ok maybe I was being a little schemey" Derek admits his hands up in surrender. The table was set simply with their dinner and a nice bottle of spritzer, complimented with candles and the fresh flowers she normally kept in her living-room. Between the two plates of food lay a small white box on top of a blue envelope.

"All this just for lunch?" Emily asked, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Sure" Derek shrugged as he pulled out a stool for her to take a seat. He made sure she was sat comfortably with a napkin and a glass of spritzer in hand before adding "The last time I went to this much trouble for an evening date you fell asleep on me"

Emily blushed. He was right; pregnancy had left her in a state of constant exhaustion. By the time they made it back from the office each night Emily was left with little focus or patience for anything but her bed.

"I am sorry" she apologized with a hand on his arm. "I haven't been the most attentive girlfriend these last few weeks. This is all so new; we should be enjoying dates and going at it like bunnies."

"I am ok with the amount of 'going at it' we do" Derek laughed, laying the crisp white napkin over her lap with a wink. "It's nothing overly special, Princess, just me and you and a little something I picked up for you" he said with a firm kiss.

As they broke apart Emily opened her eyes to find Derek grinning expectantly, holding the small white box out to her. She took it with a grateful smile, and was midway through telling him he shouldn't have, that he didn't have to buy her gifts when a gasp cut her short. "It's beautiful" she whispered instead, shaking fingers gliding softly over her gift.

A simple silver chain glinted from its silky bed inside the box. The center of it held a delicate bird pendant, tiny wings arched in flight with astounding detail. In it's beak a small branch holding three tiny colored stones; a diamond, saphire, and opal. "Our birthstones?" Emily gasped, Derek nodded.

"You like it?" he asked, his nervousness fading as Emily's head nodded vigorously. "I, uh, I wanted something that represented all of us together, as a family" he explained as he took it softly front her hands and removed it from the box. "And I noticed, in what little time we've had to look at things, that you've been really into baby stuff with birds on it so I figured this was fitting."

"Oh Derek" Emily huffed, her voice gravel. "Shut up you're making me cry" she gasped with a feeble swing at his shoulder. Derek laughed as he walked around her to place the necklace around her neck and waited for her to move her long dark waves out of his way. "It's perfect" she said, toying the pendant lovingly as it came to rest on her chest. "Absolutely the best gift anyone has ever given me." she told him honestly.

"You have tons of jewelry much more expensive looking then this" Derek blushed. "But I am glad you like it."

"None of that expensive jewelry had this much thought put into it" she smiled, her hands cupping his strong jaw. "Or this much love." Derek's face instantly lit up and the kiss they shared was long and intense.

"And that's not all" Derek chimed as they parted. "This" he said, producing the blue envelope with a flourish. "Is what I am most excited about, but I understand if you're not ready for it." At that Emily's brows furrowed but she said nothing as she took the envelope and slipped its contents into the palm of her hand.

"Two tickets to Chicago" she stated wide eyed.

"I want to take you home to my Mama, if that's ok" Derek told her. "Soon" he added. "I haven't told her about the baby yet, it seems wrong to do it with a phone call. She'll want to meet you and feed you and spoil you, and ask a million questions"

"Of course" Emily nodded, though it was obvious she was feeling unsure. Derek stilled, his face falling.

"You don't have to come along." he shrugged. "I just thought..."

"That you want to introduce me to your family, because that's what I am to you now" Emily profiled easily. "We are a family and families share good news together" she smiled. "I want to come, Derek, I really do. But is it ok for me to feel a little nervous?"

"Sure" Derek assured quickly. "I know it's a big step, but it's Mama. She likes you already" Emily gave him an incredulous look.

"She likes me as her son's partner who helped get him out of a bind." She corrected. "How do you know she'll like me as the woman who is unexpectedly pregnant with her grandchild without being married or even living in common with her son?"

"Because it's Mama" He repeated with a shrug, though when she put it that way he did see how his mother may not be immediately celebratory over the news. "It'll be a shock but she's not really one for convention. She'll be over the moon."

Emily's dark eyes took in her partner, his eager expression and passionate eyes. This is what she envied of him most, his absolute certainty that at the end of the day he had a family that loved him no matter what. She wondered if she'd be able to ensure their child had the same having never experienced that kind of certainty and security.

"You know" she said after a few moments of contemplation. "It didn't even occur to me that I should call up my mother and tell her what was going on." Derek's eyes glazed and his face paled.

"Me either" He confessed. While his limited interactions with the ambassador had been over-all quite positive Derek knew that their second meeting would be far more uncomfortable, even though neither of them would be carrying coolers containing human body parts. "I guess we should think about that too."

"We?" Emily smiled. The word rolled off her tongue like a question but in fact she was reveling in it. In the most perfect and romantic way Derek had given her exactly what she realized she'd always been missing. Inclusion, love, support, family. With a happy grin and new energy she'd been lacking in the past months she dove into her lunch.

"Yes 'we', Princess" Derek affirmed taking his seat and moving to eat as well. "We're family now and family shares good news together."

TO BE CONTINUED!

Comments are fuel for me, please take a moment to let me know what you think!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Author's Note: I know the going is slow on this story but I am so thankful to everyone still reading. Hope you like this chapter.

*CM*

"I think it may be time to make this official" Derek chuckles from the doorway between Emily's bedroom and the master bath where he'd just stepped out of the shower. Emily levels a heavy glare but says nothing as she continues to fuss with the fly of her dress pants. No matter how she goes about it there is an inch distance between claps and hook. "Didn't JJ give you a bunch of maternity clothes?" Derek continues.

"She did" Emily confirms with a disgruntled sigh. "But I can't clip my holster to the elastic waist" Derek can't help it, despite the wrath he knows is coming he laughs. "It's not funny" Emily insists.

"It's a little funny" Derek says moving towards the closet where a few of his clothes have taken up residence. Still smiling he pulls his shoulder holster and hands it to her. "You can use this for now, but this is definitely a sign that we need to make things official."

"Yeah" Emily nodded, but the way she worried at her lip with her teeth gave her thoughts on the matter away. "I am just not sure I am ready to leave." she answered Derek's questioning look.

"Leave?" he asked. "Who said anything about leaving?"

"What do you think is going to happen, Derek?" Emily grunted with frustration. "We can't work together while we're starting a family together. One of us will have to go and you have seniority, and Garcia will kill me if I take you away from her, and Strauss hates me anyways and..."

"Hey now" Derek shushed her with a finger on her lip. "Don't get ahead of yourself. I know we have some figuring out to do, but for now you're just announcing a pregnancy. If they ask about me we don't have to lie but we've got a bit of time here."

"That's not fair" Emily said, her head shaking causing freshly cleaned curls to fall into her face. "We're a family, remember? Family's share good news together."

Derek gently pushed the hair from her face and kissed her soundly. "Ok. Then before we do anything we'll talk. We leave for Chicago this Friday; we'll have plenty of time there." Emily nodded.

"I AM willing to go so that you can stay" She told him sincerely. "I love this job but I find I am loving this family thing too. Maybe there's a nice cushy no-travel position available somewhere? I just wish I had a little more time. I am not quite ready."

"Friday, Princess" Derek repeated, kissing her quickly again before moving to finish getting ready for the day.

*CM*

"You're sure you don't want to let the paramedics check you out?" JJ worried over her friend. Emily smiled in thanks but motioned a 'No', hoping that the shaking of her head will distract from the shaking of her hands.

"I told you, he barely touched me." She assured. Desperately she glances around, searching out the tall dark form of her partner. "Where's Derek?"

"He's still with the SWAT team clearing the rest of the property." JJ soothed as best she could, truth was they hadn't heard from the second team yet and while she knew the all-clear would take a while longer due to the size of the property they'd just raided, and she would feel much better if it were Derek calming her distraught friend instead of her. For her, Emily would never admit that being charged by their UnSub had shaken her, even though the evidence was written all over her face and shaking hands.

"He barely touch me, JJ, I am fine." Emily repeated, resenting the concern creasing her friend's brow.

"I know" JJ assured. "But it was close. I was scared."

"Yeah" Emily sighs, the closest she will come to admitting she'd been shaken too. "Not bad for my last take down."

"You're last…" JJ gives the brunette a quizzical look that morphs into understanding as they make eye contact. "You're leaving." Emily shrugs.

"We talked about it this morning and decided to wait a few more days, I wasn't ready. But I am now." Emily revealed. "I love this job, I worked so hard for this job, but I am ready. I am not as strong as you, JJ, I can't do it all."

"No one can do it all" JJ sighed as she sank down onto the low fence beside her friend. "It's a balancing act, and no matter what there are always sacrifices. I missed Henry's first laugh while I was here at work. I missed key cases in which my media expertise was needed when I was at home with Henry. Unless you figure out how to clone yourself you can never have it all."

Emily sighed shakily and glanced around again, still there was no sign of the rest of their team. Rossi, who'd been with them and another SWAT team for the take-down had accompanied the UnSub back to the station with a local cop, Hotch and Derek were still gone with SWAT clearing the property, Reid had stayed back in the first place to comfort their young victim who'd taken a liking to the doctor, leaving Emily and JJ surrounded by a few local cops and the silence of the remote quarter acre they'd just raided.

"Never in a million years did I ever think I'd be here." Emily murmured. "I rarely ever imagined myself having kids, and when I did there was never a question in my mind that I would keep my career but…"

"Babies change things" JJ finished with a knowing smile. "I know"

"Emily!" The women were interrupted by a short yell and the pounding of boots on the gravel of the driveway they were perched beside. Relief flooded through Emily as she realized it was Derek returning. Without worrying about what it would look like or what anyone would think she sunk into his arms and gripped him tightly. "I just heard what happened. Are you all right?"

"Yeah" Emily assured him while her arms snaked further around him. "Yeah, I am ok. It was close but I am ok."

"You're sure?" Derek grimaced as he ran a hand along the darkening bruise along her cheek bone. "Have you been checked out by the paramedics?"

"No, but I really am ok. It was just the one hit and then I got him." She recounted. "I got him and it's done and we're fine"

"Prentiss?" Hotch joined the small group with a questioning look on his face. He'd just been informed that there'd been an altercation between the female profiler and their UnSub and had been worried, but it was still jarring for him to see Emily this shaken.

"I am fine!" Emily called to him, removing herself from her partner's arms and taking a long breath to steady herself. "He's in custody; Rossi's gone back to the station with him."

"Good" The unit chief nodded. "JJ and I can finish up here, why don't you and Morgan head back to the hotel and get us all checked out. I am sure we'll be leaving here later this evening."

"Sure" Emily agreed easily, earning her a look of confusion and concern from Derek at her out-of-character move. "And when we get back, Morgan and I have something we'd like to talk to you about. Officially."

"Em, don't you think…" Derek jumped in, hoping to save her from making a decision on the fly that she might regret later but he was cut off by Hotch.

"I think that's a good idea." He said with a warning look at Derek. "Get a little rest and we'll meet you to depart for the airstrip in a few hours."

Emily pulled lightly at Derek's hand, holding onto it like a lifeline as she lead him back to one of the standard issue SUVs they'd taken out to this remote Midwest property. Derek shared a look with Hotch as he turned away, silently thanking the man for the time he'd given them to rest, reconnect, and heal after such a close call. As they walked he allowed his eyes to take her in, assuring himself that the mark on her face was the only injury she'd sustained. Clearing the rest of the quarter-acre had been pretty uneventful, they'd found an out-building that looked to have been used to hold their UnSub's victims but there had been no sign of the UnSub himself. While it had occurred to him that this meant he must be back at the house where Emily, JJ, and Rossi were with another group of local SWAT officers he had been steadfast in his trust that Emily would keep herself safe. His hand clenched slightly over the steering wheel as they slid into the vehicle. He still wasn't questioning Emily's judgment or ability to take care of herself, but he couldn't help but feel angry and frustrated that he hadn't been there to protect her.

"Wait" Emily's hand stopped his from turning the key in the ignition. Derek looked to see an odd smile on her face but didn't question as she pulled his hand to rest over her abdomen in the passenger's seat. "Do you feel that?"

"Feel what?" Derek asked, concentrating hard on the feel of her rounded warm skin beneath his hand.

"Maybe you can't, it's really light but I am sure it's…" Emily trailed off momentarily, her smile growing as her eyes closed and her head fell back against the seat. "I can feel our baby."

"Yeah?" Derek's confused face broke with a huge smile as he leaned to place his other hand beside the first on her stomach. "What does it feel like?"

"I can't really explain it." Emily laughed, opening her eyes to look down at his beaming face. "Feels like fluttering, maybe a light rubbing? I've been wondering if that was what I was feeling for a few days now but this is definitely it. There's a baby in there."

"I sure hope it's a baby" Derek grinned cheekily. "Maybe you're just hungry?" he joked.

"I am that too, actually" Emily smiled. "Let's get out of here. I want to lie in bed and eat oranges with you and talk about what we're gonna do about this little one's imminent arrival."

"Oranges?" Derek asked as his hands reluctantly left her belly and started the vehicle.

"Oranges." Emily confirmed with a look of determination. "Christmas oranges."

"Where are we going to find Christmas oranges this time of year?" Derek asked with a laugh, pulling the SUV out of the gravel driveway and onto the highway.

"For your sake I hope it's somewhere easy because that's what baby wants and there's no saying 'no' to this one." She smiled, patting her stomach contentedly.

"I am glad that little one is ok and demanding things" Derek said, his voice falling into a serious tone as he glanced at her. "I was really scared when that local cop told me you'd been hurt." He admitted.

"Me too" Emily admitted quietly. "I think I'll call Judy and have her check us out before we leave for Chicago anyways. Just for peace of mind"

"I think that's a great idea." Derek nodded.

They continued along the back roads in silence, a relived and happy silence that stretched comfortably between them. Despite the flirtatious back-and-forth which characterized the beginning of their relationship, the two had taken a liking to the comfortable silences that could last hours as they simply basked in one another's company. It wasn't until they arrived in Emily's hotel room and settled into the comfort of each other's arms that the silence ended.

"These naval oranges are too sour." Emily pouted. Derek laughed lightly, his chest vibrating under her head.

"It's the best I could do for now." He soothed. Lazily they smiled at one another as Derek's hands rubbed along her stomach, her shirt had been unbuttoned and allowed to fall to the side, giving him access to their growing baby and, if he were honest, a delightful view of her lace-clad chest.

"I like this" She said quietly, motioning between them. "For two people who lived most of their lives in constant motion we do this pretty well."

"I guess we just needed someone worth slowing down for." Derek shrugged.

"Someone sneaky enough to take us by surprise so we couldn't resist." Emily laughed as she tossed her half-eaten orange onto the side table and let her hands mingle with his over her stomach.

"No regrets?" Derek asked, slightly unsure.

"No regrets" Emily murmured with a thoughtful smile. "For years this job was so much a part of my identity that I couldn't imagine not having it, but in the blink of an eye today I was shown just how not-worth-it it is to me anymore."

"Babies change things" Derek nodded.

"You've been talking to JJ?" Emily asked.

"Actually Agent Rigby." Derek revealed. "He was one of my instructors when I joined the FBI, someone I looked up to a lot. I ran into him at the gym last week and we talked a bit. I told him I was going to be a father. I don't know why, I know we aren't telling everyone yet but it was nice to be able to talk about it, to be congratulated."

"Of course, Derek, you don't need to justify that, it's not a secret, it's just not official right?" Emily assured him.

"Yeah." Derek agreed with a smile. "Anyways, I guess he figured I may want to slow down a bit as well because this morning he called offering a full time training position at the academy"

"What?" Emily gasped.

"I told him I would think about it." Derek shrugged, trying to read her in the dim light of the side table lamp.

"You want to leave the BAU?" she asked, surprised.

"I don't know" Derek admitted then went quiet, Emily said nothing knowing that he had more to say but that he needed a few moments to collect his thoughts. "I know that since we found out you're pregnant I've been thinking about my father a lot, growing up without him was hard for my family. I know I don't want that for you or our child. Today it was you in the line of fire but it could have just as easily been me."

"If you left I could stay" Emily said thoughtfully. "I don't want anymore field duty right now, but maybe after the baby is born, if I wanted to come back."

"The option would be there" Derek agreed heavily. "That's part of why I am thinking about the position, you'd said you weren't ready to leave the BAU, and you shouldn't have to, if that's not what you want."

"But now I am thinking I am ready." Emily laughed. "We're a hopeless pair you know."

"I think we're doing pretty well actually." Derek laughed along. "There's nothing that says we both couldn't go. We both grew up with our parents always at work; we've both talked about how we wished we'd had more time. It doesn't have to be that way; our baby could have both parents working regular hours."

"Now there's a thought" Emily quipped sarcastically then smiled warmly at him. "You wouldn't go crazy without fieldwork?"

"It's not like I'd be flying a desk, it would still be physical work, challenging in its own way." He bargained.

"And if it's not?" Emily worried. "What if you hate it? I don't want you to resent me for taking away a job you've been so passionate about for so long."

"What if you hate another position?" Derek challenged. "Would you hate me for taking away a career you have been so passionate about for so long?"

"Of coarse not." Emily insisted. Derek leveled his gaze on her face in another effort to read her. "No." Emily said again. "I am passionate about the work we do, but I am ready to move onto the next part of our lives. Like you said if it doesn't work out for either of us we could maybe come back. Hotch will have a hard time filling our positions, I am sure he'd take one of us back if we decided slowing down wasn't quite what we needed."

"Maybe" Derek agreed. "But it wouldn't be a sure thing."

"Nothing ever is." Emily pointed out.

"So you want to put in for a transfer?" he asked.

"I don't know" Emily shrugged. "If you transfer maybe I could work from the office until the baby comes then take an extended leave and decide where I want to be when it's time to come back. Who knows, maybe I'll decide that a domestic life is the life for me." Derek laughed lightly and kissed her head.

"I think you'd rock my domestic world, Princess, and if that's what you want I'd support you. But it's hard to imagine my kick-ass partner ironing my shirts and cooking me dinner." Emily laughed along, giving him a light smack on the chest as she turned to kiss him properly.

"When you think about us as a family" Emily said as they parted, slightly breathless. "Five years from now, what do you see?"

"I see us doting on the most brilliant, adorable, fantastic almost-five-year-old in the world." He answered easily.

"Me too." Emily agreed. "Funny how that picture doesn't have anything to do with catching serial killers."

"That it doesn't" Derek nodded. "Maybe catching serial killers just isn't what really matters anymore." Long moments passed as the couple shared another passionate kiss before Derek spoke again. "I think I'll take the transfer." He said determination in his tone.

"If that's what you want." Emily urged.

"I want you." Derek confirmed. "I want to see our baby grow up."

*CM*

Hey so, I am not sure how much further I want to go with this fic, I definitely want to write their trip to Chicago and I have worked a bit on the birth but I am kind of running out of steam on this as I come up with ideas with more suspense and work on my other fic, Cuckoos and Cowbirds. What do you all think? What else would you like to see from this fic?


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