Bleach A Deadly Foe

Now I'm going to go way off the actual plot and storyline of Bleach but stick to most of the characters, this is my first fanfic and any reviews would be nice (constructive reviews in particular). As a brief summary, What if the Arrancar were a group of secretive and highly-efficient assassins(some of them at least...). Some will also not be former hollows

"Shaaaaaaawlong!"

"What is it now Nakeem..." replied a rather tall and lean looking man.

"I got a bit of rock stuck in my tongue again!" complained the tall yet extremely round man.

"That's the third time today Nakeem, for the last time, rocks are not food you incompetent half-brained twit" the taller man replied, obviously irritated by the other mans lack of a properly functioning brain.

"But I Can't tell the difference, it's not my fault!" the fat man complained again, showing an obvious lack in both his brainpower and eyesight.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" bawled another smaller man at the plight the larger one was suffering at the hands of his superior.

"D-Roy you aren't much better, you managed to get your tongue stuck to a pole and it wasn't even winter." A larger, orange-haired man informed him.

With that last remark the two dumber members of the group remained silent not wishing to embarrass themselves more or be humiliated by their companions. The entire group was made of 7 different men, Shawlong Qufang, the leader. Nakeem Greendina, the idiot. D-Roy Linker, the other idiot. Gantenbainne Mosqueda, the honourable one. Dordonii Alessandro Del Socacchio, the unpredictable one. Edorad Leones, the tank and Ggio Vega, the pretty boy. Although the two idiotic members didn't have a hope in the world of being competent at anything the group was actually full of trained assassins who were on their way to interrupt a meeting and assassinate a king and two barons.

Shawlong was a tall man measuring at 6"2 and of a lean build, however he seemed to give of an aura of authority and command no matter where he was or the situation, most likely owing to the fact he went about life as though he had a stick up his arse. Nakeem was a large but extremely fat man measuring at 6"5 and 400 pounds. D-Roy was of a small stature measuring at 5"4 and had an especially thin build and arrogant attitude. Gantenbainne was of an average height with a well defined muscular build measuring at 6 ft exactly with 90 kilograms of muscle in his upper body.

Dordonii was a tall and muscular man measuring 6"2 and seemed to like doing things in unique ways every time, many of which seemed to include making an unintentional mistake and pretending it was on purpose. Edorad was an extremely tall and well-built man measuring at 6"7 and 250 kilograms of muscle making up his body, he also had a half shaven head, the reason for this nobody knew. Ggio Vega was a small man with a sharp tongue measuring at 5"6 but possessed the speed of a cheetah and the temper to match.

The group was about to enter the town where there target would arrive in three days time, they had decided that it would be best to prepare in advance so that Nakeem and D-Roy wouldn't botch the operation. Unbeknownst to the two idiotic assassins when Shawlong had detailed their plan, he had intentionally given them positions which would have them doing absolutely nothing at all. The two of them were simply too useless to even be considered a part of their group, unfortunately the man who had hired the group insisted that they help, much to the annoyance of the assassins.

As Shawlong looked around the town looking for people who could potentially compromise the operation or pose a threat to its success he spotted the towns guard captain.

"He could pose a threat, he seems to be more alert then your usual guard" Shawlong muttered under his breath. Walking towards the man Shawlong would initiate one of the most common methods of dealing with individuals that a person preferred to be out of their way, he would openly challenge the man to a duel to the death with no rules.

"Excuse me friend, I was looking around and it would seem you are the best warrior this town has to offer" Shawlong praised the warrior as he approached the suspicious captain.

"You would be correct in your claim, but what is it you want with me, if you have any problems with crime report it to a regular guard" replied the annoyed captain.

"oh but you are the person I want in particular, you see I have been looking for a certain someone who I can test my swordsmanship on and you seem to be the perfect candidate, a duel of blades, first to fall would be agreeable would it not?" Shawlong proposed to the captain.

"I suppose their could be no harm in crossing swords with a man who has a death wish, I accept your challenge my friend, but be warned I will run you through without a second thought if you are another overconfident beginner" replied the captain, accepting Shawlong's Challenge.

As the two fighters drew their blades a crowd gathered around to watch what would inevitably be an entertaining fight in which one fighter would have his ass handed to him on a silver platter.

"Draw!" Shawlong exclaimed, initiating the duel. Blow after blow was exchanged between the two swordsman astonishing the audience with the display of swordsmanship happening before their eyes. Unfortunately for the captain Shawlong had many surprised hiding in his sleeves that were befitting for an assassin of his calibre. As the two warriors disengaged from their furious melee, no sooner did he take his first step back towards Shawlong the captain found a whip covered in two-inch long metal spikes slicing through the jugular vein on his neck then coming around the front cutting half his neck open.

"H-How..." muttered the dying captain choking on his own blood as Shawlong stood over his quickly dying body.

"Not even the greatest swordsman can defend against a technique he has never encountered before" Stated Shawlong, in reference to the defeat of the captain who had just died at his feet. As the crowd scattered Nakeem came running towards Shawlong with a strange look of hunger in his eyes.

"Oi Shawlong, can I see what he tastes like? Can I? I bet he tastes better then rocks!" Nakeem begged the Assassin whilst looking hungrily at the dead corpse at his superior's feet.

"No you may not eat another human beings body you half-brained twat, people don't take kindly to having others of their kind being cannibalised by fatshits like yourself" Replied Shawlong in disgust.

"But! But!" Nakeem started to complain.

"UBER KICK!" Shouted Dordonii as he suddenly came from nowhere interrupting Nakeem's complaints with a jumping kick to the side of the fat man's face.

"Idiots like you should be referring to Shawlong as Shawlong-Sama, you should not address people so disrespectfully, it's no wonder you're still a virgin" Edorad Explained to Nakeem as he sat on the concussed fat man's face giving him a mouth full of his flatulence.

"This hurts me more then it hurts you my friend... nah not really I'm just teaching you a lesson and having fun being an asshole" Edorad continued to speak as he released an especially nasty smelling gas straight into Nakeem's face.

As the next three days passed and the assassins planned to kill their three targets as openly as possible, little did they know that the king had taken measures to ensure his own safety as well as that of his two barons knowing that there would be a group of assassins that would be hired to openly kill him.

"And you Nakeem, will be stationed near the guard post making sure that the kings men do not steal our horses for when we flee the town and the wrath of the kings subjects" Shawlong explained to the fat man to make sure he understood the plan.

"Right, Positions men, they will be here in twenty minutes, we want to give our guests a 'royal' greeting, Edorad we will need you to be on standby in case the operation is compromised, if we fail then blow them to pieces with the explosives near the town centre" Shawlong ordered his fellow assassins.

As the Assassins moved into their positions the convoys transporting the king and the barons towards the town had moved towards the town centre and the targets began exiting their transports. In a moment Gantenbainne would signal Dordonii and Shawlong to break their cover in the crowd and move to take out the barons and then Ggio and Gantenbainne would move in and occupy the kings guards at which point Edorad would make his move and give the king a taste of his blades cold steel.

"The signal!" Shawlong muttered under his breath just before he broke his cover to decapitate the Baron directly in front of him.

It was over quickly, Shawlong came out of the crowd faster than an eagle and sliced the barons head off with an iron machete in the span of half a second. Dordonii had moved out of the crowd as well and broken his targets neck then quickly retreated back into the crowd along with Shawlong.

"After them! KILL THE ASSASSINS!" commanded the king, forgetting all about his plan to keep his guards right at his side and instead sending them after Shawlong and Dordonii.

Just as the kings guardsmen mobilised to pursue the two assassins Gantenbainne and Ggio came out of the crowd to engage them in direct combat to give Edorad his opportunity. As the king attempted to draw his blade and enter the melee Edorad delivered a swift and incredibly powerful knock-out punch to his left cheek which sent the king flying into a wall and down to the ground unconscious. Edorad then proceeded towards the unconscious monarch of the kingdom and decided to curb stomp him instead of run him through with his blade, Edorad then delivered a powerful stomp which caused the kings face to cave in and end his life.

"Quick! To the Southwest exit! Nakeem and D-Roy should have the horses ready for a swift escape!" Exclaimed Gantenbainne as the Assassins retreated towards their designated exit. Unfortunately Even in such a position Nakeem had managed to botch the operation, he and D-Roy were protecting the horses for their escape but had only prepared six of them ignoring the fact that there were seven of them in total.

"Damn it! NAKEEM YOU HALF-BRAINED IDIOT! THERE ARE ONLY SIX HORSES YOU SHITHEAD!" Ggio shouted at the fat man who had not yet realised his mistake.

Fortunately for Shawlong and his assassins they knew how to get over this situation, they all took their respective horses, took D-Roy along and left Nakeem behind to deal with the guards still chasing them.

"Guys you forgot to get me a horse! Guys!" Nakeem shouted after the escaping assassins only to be tackled by a dozen men at once from behind.

"I Can't believe it... even when I make the plan clear enough for a domestic pet to understand that half-brained oaf didn't even count the right number of horses, If the prince wanted his father assassinated as well as the two other potential men with a claim for the throne he should've at least given us helpers who had the mathematical skills to count how many horses do you need for a certain amount of men..." Shawlong cursed, he was used to his operations being botched as it was part of being an assassin, but when they are botched because of the help provided by the employer he tended to get pissed.

"So I guess you got your targets huh?" inquired D-Roy.

"Yeah, the plan went perfectly until we got to the horses, but still, with the pay the kings son was offering for this assassination you would be absolutely crazy to say this wasn't worth the work" Ggio said, hungrily anticipating the small fortune awaiting each of the assassins upon word of their success.

"Ggio, you should really find a lifestyle suited towards our kind of work..." Edorad announced as he saw the look of desire in Ggio's eyes. "We will all receive a small fortune but knowing you it will probably last a month at the most, you're going to spend it at brothels and whorehouses like you did last time you had that much money, honestly, we're assassins we don't need that kind of stuff, we are heartless killers we do not need sex with every single attractive woman we see" Edorad went on to say

"Well sorry for being a regular guy, I wasn't raised as an assassin like you guys, I have manly needs!" Ggio Exclaimed

"And then tend to those manly needs, find a nice girl and get enough money from this job to settle down with her for the rest of your life, idiot" Gantenbainne replied to Ggio's complaint.

"We are assassins like Edorad just said Ggio, Gantenbainne" Shawlong began to speak, "we do not have need of worldly possessions, nor women or sex, we have taken this job because it is the most suitable way to use our talents to survive, Romance, Love, Lust, Happiness, such emotions are not befitting for an assassin to have, there is only the killing instinct."

"Jeez way to be depressive Shawlong, I think I would go with Gantenbainne's advice over what the hell you just told me" Ggio replied.

"That's right Ggio, always listen to the guy with the orange afro you manwhore" Gantenbainne said in approvement of Ggio's reply to Shawlong's chilling words.

"You two are deluded fools, everyone knows that it is neither women, emotions or survival that we men live, it is to enjoy the excellence of Italian cuisine!" Dordonii exclaimed, shocked by what his comrades had been saying.

"Whatever you say Don Panini" Ggio replied

"IT'S DORDONII! HOW DARE YOU CALL ME SUCH A NAME! I AM NOT WORTHY OF SUCH AN HONOUR TO BE NAMED AFTER THE MIGHTY PANINI!" Dordonii shouted in reply to Ggio's insult.

"I hate life..." Shawlong depressively muttered under his breath.

_**Scene Transition: Royal Palace**_

"Prince Allen! The assassins succeeded! I have heard news that the men you hired assassinated your father and the two barons, unfortunately Nakeem was captured as they attempted to escape" A servant reported to the Prince who was sitting in a chair awaiting news of his father's demise.

"Excellent...now go fetch their payment, I will not welcome the men responsible for my soon to be coronation in such a manner as not to have that which I promised them personally" Prince Allen ordered his servant, obviously irritated by the fact that one of his men had been captured by the royal guardsmen.

"If they discover I hired the assassins were hired by me I will personally run that fat sack of crap through with my sword..." Prince Allen muttered, annoyed that his plan could potentially be ruined.

"Do you have our payment ready esteemed Prince Allen?" a voice cut through the silence in the prince's chamber.

"Who is that!" Prince Allen shouted in shock as he heard the voice of Shawlong Qufang echo through his room

"Relax esteemed one, we entered through the window thinking it would be safer to keep our identities secret, obviously your actions do not agree with our decision" Shawlong replied to the Prince's indirect question as he and the other assassins pulled themselves through his window.

"It should arrive any minute my good man, in the meantime please explain to me the exact details of your assassination, did my father suffer like he deserved to?" Prince Allen inquired.

"I decapitated Baron Compiegne, Gantenbainne snapped Baron Lurks neck and Edorad kicked the king's face so hard that it caved in on itself, a gruesome affair from any viewpoint" Shawlong said, detailing the assassination as his payment was carried through the door.

"here is your payment gentlemen, it was good doing business with you, I hope that we might get the chance to work together again in the future" Prince Allen said handing each of the assassins their payment.

"I'm afraid that won't be happening anytime soon my good prince" Shawlong stated as he slit the young man's throat with a hidden dagger.

"What the hell did you do that for Shawlong?" Inquired Dordonii, shocked at what he had just seen take place

"Completing a contract, I was separately hired out by another realms king to assassinate the king and the prince, seeing the prince's assassination request I couldn't help but double the reward each of us would receive for killing two men. It's time for us to go, no one will ever know what took place here and it will stay that way unless D-Roy opens his mouth and tells everyone what we did to his master" Shawlong stated as he wiped his dagger with a cloth and put it back into his uniform


End file.

Bleach, Adventure, Humor