Gilmore Girls 1. Chapter 1

**Summary**: Something in him said that she had come because he needed her, because he had asked, because, after all, she loved him and what wouldn't she do for the man she loved. A post season 6 LL fic.

**Disclaimer**: Gilmore Girls is owned by the WB and Dorothy Parker Drank Here Productions, not me.

**Authors Notes: ** This has been quite a summer project for me. It was my goal to take this time off of school to write a fic, a good fic, really concentrate on improving my writing style and this is what has come from that.

I want to extend a huge, gigunundo thank you to my beta, **Erica Bing.** Yep, we were both beta virgins when we started, her first time being a beta and my first time using one, and I couldn't have done it without you. Who knows, maybe Colonel Clucker would have always remained General Chicken.

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The crowd has reached mob level by the time she takes her first step into the center of town off of the path from her house that has become worn from the years of high heels and kid shoes treading over it. For a moment she almost hesitates to take that first step off of the path onto the curb from where she will see the bright sun shining over the center of the town she knows so well. She notices the grass is cut on the lawn, specific to Taylor's instructions because no one, especially a gardener, would want to argue with Taylor and remind him that when it snows there is no reason to cut the grass. She notices the stores around the town have already started putting up decorations for Christmas even though it won't occur for another 13 days, certain to annoy certain people that believe it's idiotic to celebrate the holiday before December 25th. Yet, she can't take her eyes off the crowd in front of the diner, lifting sounds of rancorous grumblings on such a scale that she can almost hear every word from the opposite side of the square.

She covertly makes her way towards the assembly, using every discrete movement possible to keep from being noticed by the mass of seemingly angry citizens gathered at the front door to the well known eating establishment. Craning her neck as she hides in the entrance to the soda shoppe, she can see nothing unusual about the front of the diner. There is no sign posted except for the one that reads closed. The knee-jerk response to that realization is instantaneous. At ten o'clock on a Monday morning the sign still reads closed.

Without a second thought, she pushes her way through the group of people, no longer caring who sees her or what impression she is making. Standing on her tip toes, her hand feels for the key over the doorway. Winter has made the metal cold to her touch and she gasps as her fingers make initial contact with it. She quickly unlocks the door and opens it just enough to let herself in and no one else. Keeping her eyes averted, she ignores those packed outside, including Kirk who is smashed against the window. She flips the lock back to ensure that no one else will be able to enter the diner and moves quickly through the empty place to the backstairs.

She taps softly on the window of the door reading William's Hardware Office, using just the nail of her index finger. Mostly she is unsure of what she's going to find if she opens the door. Will he be there? Will he throw her out? It's been so long. Five months. Three weeks. Sixteen days. Same as Rory. She had thought at one point that the ache in her heart would slowly dissipate, but it hasn't. It's her constant reminder of what she did, of the person she became.

Finally realizing that he's not responding to her light raps on the door, she turns the knob on the door and takes a few steps in. The apartment still retains the same familiarity as it once did, the smell of his cologne mixed with burgers and grease. The soft light that creeps through the windows in the late morning sends beams across the room and over to the couch onto the figure slouched in front of it.

He sits against the couch, his knees bent and feet on the floor. His arms wrap around his knees holding a beer in one and a phone in the other. Like the Thinker, he is posed in the position that she had always referred to as his mulling position: leaning forward, head bent down, his chin on his chest. But this time, somehow, it's different. All the times before he still seemed open, like the only one that could break through the invisible wall that he had erected was her, and she could do it with only a few soft words, a slight touch. Yet, she knows without trying, that the invisible wall has solidified, even to her, possibly especially to her.

But she can't let it go. She can't let his own impenetrable façade keep her from attempting to break through and get to him. So she quickly minimizes the distance between them, her heels clicking on the wooden planks as she crosses the floor. Yet still, he remains as he was before: frozen, unmoving, limp. The only noise shattering the silence is the constant beeping noise from the phone that has apparently been off the hook for quite some time. She reaches down and extracts the phone from his hand, her eyes watching his fingers tense only slightly in response as she hangs the phone back up, her other hand unwrapping the phone cord from around her. "Luke," she says in a low voice, as if the word had always been just on the tip of her tongue. Her eyes run over him, from his untied shoes to his shaking fingers to the flannel that has been pulled up on only one arm finally landing on his semi-mussed hair sans cap.

Kneeling down next to him, she cups his chin in her hand, lifting it and turning his face towards her. His eyes open slightly, the lids seeming heavy with the weight of whatever has driven him to this ragged form that sits next to her. She is frightened by him, by the grey color to his face, by the languid movements of his eyes. Even on the worst days, on the two November 30ths she lived through with him, she had never seen him like this, like he was slowed down to the point that she could almost sense her own time was going faster than his. "Luke," she says again, this time in a soft whisper letting the words sneak into his ears little by little. As she waits, her other hand drifts up, her fingers running through his soft hair, smoothing it, soothing him.

"Lorelai," he says, as if it's a question more than a name. His glazed over eyes, travel the lines of her face, trying to see her, see deep within her. Though her expression is light, the edges of her pink lips curled upwards, the blue of her eyes clear as the sky out the window, she still seems closed off to him, like someone he used to know.

Her lips curve further into a small smile in response to her name, loving the sound of her name on his lips almost as much as any time before. "What happened?" she asks him, hoping that he'll tell her despite the reason for his absence from her life for the past few months. "Is it April?"

"No," he manages, the word breaking over his tongue as if he's saying it without actually processing that he's saying it.

She frowns, unsure whether he's not opening her because it's her or because he can't actually gather the energy to form the words. Shoving the memory out of her mind of the last time she pushed him to speak when he was still in deliberation mode, that lead to a month full of darkness for herself, she attempts to extract more information. "Is it Jess? Liz?"

The creases in his forehead gather as he tries to either process her words or consider his response. "Yes." She tilts her head, sitting back on her legs.

"Yes? Or Jess? You said yes? Yes?" she demands, the questions pinging against his brain, keeping his focus on her rather than his inner monologue. His eyelids lift even further and his lips twist slightly. "You said yes," she decides, knowing that his small response can only mean that. She knows him so well. She's known him for so long. Even before their kiss on the porch of the inn in which all her dreams came true, she had known him. She had felt his quiet nature beneath that flannel covered hermit-like exterior. He wasn't just the man who made the coffee, who served the burgers, who grumped monosyllabic sentences to his customers. It was more than that and only she could understand that. It was she alone that knew the secret that really was Luke Danes. "What happened to Liz?"

She watches as his lips form a straight line across his face. Her hand moves from his hair to his arm, gently running down it to his hand and to his other hand to remove the beer bottle. It's mostly empty, she notes with little surprise. "She's gone. Liz. TJ. Car. Accident. Gone," he gasps out in one word sentences, each one causing her heart to squeeze tighter and tighter.

She had never really gotten to know Liz past the few times talking to her as Luke's sister. She and Liz had never really talked on their own or been truly acquainted with each other as individuals instead of women of importance in Luke's life, but she had liked Liz. She had been fond of Liz's warm, embracing personality, always optimistic, always delighted in everything even when her son and her brother moped through their lives around her. Mostly what she liked in Liz, was her love for Luke, her ability to see a soft side of him without actually being able to reach it, her faith that both Luke and Jess were good people at heart.

A strangled sob breaks the silence of the room and for a moment she wonders if it came from her mouth. He pulls his head away from her hand, the palms of his hands pressing into his eyes as he tries to hide the tears from her. She just wraps her hands around his head, her fingers threading through his hair, and pulls his head to her shoulder. "She's gone," he chokes out, his hands sneaking around her, grasping the back of her shirt within his fists.

She can feel his hot tears on her neck, the warm water almost scorching in the cool air of winter. It's not like she hasn't seen him cry before. Rory's graduation from Chilton. The summer day, a few weeks after their engagement, when he found her sobbing in bed holding Colonel Clucker tight against her body. But she had never seen him let loose over something in his own life. He had lost his parents and lived through the anniversary of their deaths year after year. He had lost her, more than once, including the times before they were a couple. Yet, he hadn't shed a tear.

It stuns her to witness his extreme reaction to his own words, as if all his pent up emotions from everything that has cast a dark shadow over his life is all coming out in this one insolated moment.

She kisses the top of his head at the line where his hairline curves around his skin, offering the most comfort she thinks he'll take from her. "It's going to be okay," she whispers in his ear. "It's going to be okay."

With that he instantly retracts from her, leaning back fully against the couch, his fists drawn up to his shoulders as if mortified at having actually touched her. His expression is a mix of bewilderment and sadness as he looks at her, finally seeing her through his pained eyes. "No it's not," he finally utters. The corners of her lips draw in, her lips pressed together in sympathy. Seeing that he's pulled completely away from her, she stands, wanting to stay and be there for him as he always was for her, but not wanting to hurt him further with her presence that can only remind him of more upsetting memories. His eyes follow her, a flash of wonder as he blinks. "Where are you going?"

"I was just…" She trails off, considering that maybe he doesn't want her to leave, that maybe he'll accept a little help from her. "What do you need to do? Did you call Jess?" She watches his chest rise as he draws in a breath. He shakes his head a little in response. She nods. "Okay, call Jess. What else?" she asks, trying to get him to focus on this, rather than the pain he's feeling that she knows he's not even near ready to deal with yet.

"New York. I gotta go to New York. TJ's family," he responds, unknowingly throwing himself into her plan to keep his mind occupied.

"Okay. Okay. So packing is involved. Calling April. A note for Caesar and Lane. Throwing out that Bud sitting next to you so that it doesn't stink up the place while you're gone so bad that you actually have to go out and buy those incense sticks I've been recommending," she says, pointing to a finger on her other hand as she lists off each necessary step. She forces a grin on her face after her little joke to see if she can get him to show any sign that he's really hearing her, but he just nods. "Here," she says, grabbing the phone off the wall and handing it to him. "Call Jess and April."

He looks at her questioningly, finally noticing his daughter and his nephew's names rolling off her tongue without even the slightest wrinkle of her nose. There's no trace of antipathy towards the two in her voice at all. With the knowledge of this acceptance, he pushes himself off the ground and takes the phone from her. His eyes bore into her for a moment, as if he's wondering why she's there, why she's still there.

Then he returns his attentions to the task at hand and dials the numbers. As he puts the phone to his ear, he glances back at her. "Stay," he says, soft enough that she wonders if she just imagined it, but the look on his face says otherwise. She nods to him, taking her purse off of her shoulder as a signal that she's agreeing to his request.

Moving to the couch, she settles herself on the edge in the middle, setting her purse on the ground next to her feet. Her head is nested in her hands, elbows on her knees, as she watches him try to explain the news that he has yet to completely comprehend to his nephew and daughter. Though completely covered by the shadows of the door reflecting off the sun, he still looks completely beautiful to her, his strong stance, the lines of his face that only reveal years of caring for others, including herself. To her it's amazing, that even in this time of such misery her heart does a back flip at the sight of him, just as it always had since her first glimpse of him, just as it always will until her last.

Finally, after what seems like hours and hours to her, he sets the phone back in its cradle with a small sad sigh from his lips. She doesn't move, doesn't speak, just waits for him to notice her again. After all, he was the one to ask her to stay.

His eyes glide from the maroon phone, down the wooden leg of the small table to the lines in the wood of the floor, once tread on by his father's shoes, and his gaze settles there, lost in the memory of his father until finally she can't take it anymore. "Luke?" she says again in the low voice she had used first when she walked into the apartment. His eyes travel across the floor to her strappy, clearly uncomfortable, black shoes, up her legs to her knees where her hands lay, clenched tightly, and finally up to her face and her eyes which have always drawn him in.

"He's meeting me in New York," he responds. Lorelai nods slightly looking around, finally noticing the six pack of beer, now a one-pack, that had been next to him on the floor as well as the four bottles set in various places around where he had been sitting. She lifts her eyes to his again.

"You're going to drive to New York?" she asks with a hint of reproach in her voice and he grimaces. It actually relieves her to know that the fact that he's not quite sober is apparent to him. It means that he's actually somewhat aware, his foot is actually part way in the real world, despite the recent turn of events. "You can't drive to New York."

"Then you drive," he answers simply, as if that's the only option, as if he had already asked her to join him and she had agreed. Had this been a year ago, she knows she would have jumped at this; he wouldn't have had to ask. But it's not a year ago. The fact that she hasn't been in the same room with him since early June should make it obvious enough that it's not a year ago. "I can't do this alone." And she understands. He's willing to let her in just a bit, willing to let go of his anger for her unfaithfulness just enough to let her comfort him. Because that's exactly what she had done those few months ago. She had let her many disappointments in Christopher go by the wayside for just a moment so that she wouldn't feel so alone. "Please," he begs, his pleading eyes filled with tears that she's sure he's unaware of.

She wonders for only a moment why he's choosing her to join him. Is it because she was the only one to come in? Is it because he doesn't have time to find anyone else? None of the answers matter. He needs her. He wants her to be the one to comfort him. He needs her to be the arms to hold him up, the shoulder to cry on, the mind to think things through when he can't just as he had for her whenever she had fallen to pieces. "Okay," she agrees as if she had any other choice.


	2. Chapter 2

Lying in bed, Lorelai can hear the sounds of his deep snoring drifting through the open door between their adjoining rooms. She's reminded of the first time she discovered that he snores in his sleep, when she didn't know that it was to become a sound that would be more comforting than annoying, like those sounds of the rainforest tapes that her mother uses to soothe herself to sleep. It had as much of a calming affect on her as his arm wrapped around her midsection, his hand flat against her stomach. As she's thinking about this, her hand slowly drifts down to cover her stomach as his once did. Just the thought of his hand holding her close to him arouses her. After all, he is still Luke with his Roman godlike physique: bronzed skin and etched muscles. She remembers that when they were together, just before he entered her, he would hold her wrists above her head, making her completely vulnerable to him. He would stare deep into her eyes seeing past her faults, past her weaknesses and she knew he was seeing her soul. And then he would tell her that he loved her and she would feel like she was flying, nothing else, no one else, could do that to her.

Now, in the quiet of the dark night, she can't help but be turned on by the image of the man next door. The man she would lay with in the mornings, letting him gently run his hands over her skin, tracing lines from her collarbone, over her small breasts, down her flat stomach, spreading over her body, worshiping her in a way that made her feel almost blessed. Then his fingers would slide down further, feeling her heat. He would watch her face as he pleasured her, coaxing her to whimper his name in the morning light, as if that was contentment enough for him. And in the dark of this dreary night, she bites her lower lip to keep from moaning his name receiving little of the satisfaction that he had brought her before.

When her breathing is once again under control, she wraps the blankets tight around herself, cocooning herself within the rough sheets of the hotel room, wishing as she had for months on end that she still had Luke's arms to encircle her as she drifted off to dreamland. She can't sleep. The sounds of cars passing on the road outside mixing with the sounds from the slumbering man next door allow her mind to drift from her current reality to recollect the day that is coming to an end.

After agreeing to join him on the trip to deal with the recent turn of events, she managed to get him to eat a little something while she packed up his suit and some clothes. Praying he would do as told, she went home and packed a suitcase for herself, using everything within her to concentrate on only packing one bag for the whole time-undetermined trip instead of one for each day. She made sure to take a moment to call Rory at Yale and quickly give her a short summary of the recent events, promising to call with updates whenever possible. She also managed to get Rory to mapquest directions to the nearest hotel to TJ's parents's house in Amherst, New York. Then she fed Paul Anka, left instructions with Babette and drove over to the diner to pick up Luke, who she hoped had finished leaving instructions with Caesar. For some reason, which she has yet to figure out, he actually forced himself to accomplish all the tasks she had assigned him before she had headed across town to her house so that when she pulled up he was sitting on the bench outside the diner ready and waiting. With only a slight look from her to make sure that he was really ready to go, she started the car and they headed out on the road.

The drive seemed longer to her than it should have due to the silence that contained them. Unable to keep her eyes chained to the road in front of her, she allowed them to drift to her right every once in awhile. And for a few hours, it seemed that he never moved except a small twitch in his fingers when she changed speeds. He was slouched against the window, his gaze focused somewhere in the distance, but she knew that his mind was even further away, possibly not even on his sister but those that had died years before. His right hand lay on his knee, his left next to him on the seat, the fingers of his hands clenching and unclenching sporadically. Though she had never experienced the loss of someone so close, she could almost feel his emotions running through. She had always thought that she and he were similar with their own hidden tragedies, but it was his darkness that seemed so much more poignant to her at the time.

She let her hand drift from the two position on the wheel to the radio, glancing over at him as she flicked through a few stations. Jessica Simpson. The Beatles. Korn. Jackson Browne. Nothing seemed appropriate, too loud or too soft, too happy or too sad. She wasn't sure exactly what she was hoping for, what music actually was appropriate for the drive to meet with the relatives of Luke's dead sister's husband. In the end, she was sure that he wasn't paying attention, that whatever song she chose he wouldn't hear it, he wouldn't remember it, it wouldn't matter. Maybe that's why she was curious as to why he had asked her along, because she wanted to make a difference, she wanted to be there for him but more that that she wanted it to matter.

Eventually she decided just to flip to a CD, not really caring what was currently in. It turned out to be U2's Joshua Tree, which pleased her. She glanced at Luke to see if he was listening, to see if he remembered the first time she played this album for him and pretended to lip sync with a fake mike to _With Or Without You_ after which she had proclaimed she couldn't live without him. But there was no flicker of anything on his face, no sign that he was in the world at all, except his fingers moving. So she slid her hand from the radio down to his hand, feeling it clench around hers. Once. Twice. Until he suddenly looked down at the enjoined hands, the sensation of hers wrapping around his just reaching his brain at that moment. Glancing at the road and back at him, she watched his gaze slowly drift up her arm to match hers, as if searching for her meaning behind her action. "You're not alone," she softly assured him.

"No," he responded, his voice breaking as he grunted out the word. As she glanced back at the road, trying to keep them from ending up in some ditch never to make it to their final destination, his gaze never left her. He wondered what had made her agree to come, to forget that he had left Stars Hollow for three months after their last meeting on the day that was supposed to have been their wedding day only to ignore her when he came back. He wondered what had made her let go of the fact that he had carefully avoided her for all that time for fear of having to consolidate the fact that he was still deeply in love with her with the fact that he was still deeply hurt by her betrayal. Maybe she saw it as a way to get him to forgive her. Yet, that possibility didn't actually seem veritable to him. Something in him said that she had come because he needed her, because he had asked, because, after all, she loved him and what wouldn't she do for the man she loved.

The rest of the ride passed more rapidly than had the first half. Possibly it was the addition of the music which shattered the quiet that had enveloped them for so long. Possibly it was their linked hands, sending electrical currents up their arms to their brains, reminding each that no talking was necessary for them to know that each other was right there. And so the time elapsed, the jeep eventually reaching its destination without another sound being uttered from either Luke or Lorelai.

"I'll get the stuff," Luke announced the moment that Lorelai pulled into a space in front of the hotel. Startled that he was cognizant enough to realize that they had arrived, she glanced over at him to find him staring back her. The grey-blue of his eyes seemed distant and cheerless, but still she could feel that he was appreciative of her presence. She only nodded in response, handing him her keys, grabbing her purse and going inside the hotel to arrange their rooms.

She managed to arrange for adjoining rooms, unsure about how they would deal with being in the same room after not actually being in the same 500 meters of each other for about six months. Sure they had once been lovers, they had once jumped at the chance of sharing a room, a bed, possibly their lives. All that was over. He hadn't really wanted to marry her. She had cheated on him. With just those two events everything they had together had gone up in smoke. They lost their relationship, their friendship, their trust in themselves as well as each other. And though she had gone on the trip to be there for him, she knew it still couldn't easily go back to the way it once was, they couldn't simply forget the unfortunate events of that disastrous day last May.

Wordlessly, he had followed her down the hall to their rooms. She opened one room and then unlocked the adjoining door inside to get into her own room. He glanced around, checking out the room, as if it mattered where he would attempt some restless sleep before meeting TJ's family the next day and planning for the future he never wanted. He watched her walk through the door into her room, pulling her suitcase behind her, only then realizing that they had separate rooms. It was odd. After being together for two years, it seemed strange to be staying together in a hotel, residing there with the intention of getting each other through the next few days, but not actually sharing a bed, not actually holding each other at night. And it made his heart feel even emptier. "They're all gone," he said gruffly, not quite realizing he was saying the words aloud until she appeared once again in the doorway.

She took his arm, dragging him over to sit on the bed and sat next to him, the distance perpetuating between them. "Luke, I know it feels like you're alone. But you've got me. You've got Jess and April. In some odd way, that I've never understood, you've got Kirk," she told him and he watched her tilt her head as she nodded, trying to convince him to have faith in her words.

He looked back down at his hands then, his fingers playing together mindlessly. "Yes. Jess. Gabriel. They're all the family I've got." She rubbed his arm, knowing that as much as she is infuriated by her parents, she would still be extremely saddened to lose them. The night she almost lost her father, when she hadn't gone to the Christmas Party and therefore had been afraid that he would die without her ever really telling him what he meant to her, she had realized this. In fact, it had been Luke to help her realize this. He was the one who had assured her that even though she and her father and even her mother had disagreements, they were her family and that was more important than long held grudges.

"Wait, Gabriel?" she asked, suddenly hearing his words more clearly and noticing he's spoken a name she'd never heard before.

"My nephew," he answered simply.

She reached up to his chin, turning his head to face hers, so that she could better hear what he was mumbling. "Your nephew?" she asked and his eyes widened.

"Liz had another kid. In October, he's almost three months old now, ten weeks. He was with TJ's parents for the weekend," Luke answered, shocking her. When had this happened? Why hadn't he told her? If the baby had been born on time, then they had to still have been engaged when he found out.

She closed her eyes, mentally trying to count back the months. March or April. Liz had found out in March or April. And then answer was instantly clear to her. She had talked to Anna at the beginning of April. She had avoided him as much as she could after that. That's why he hadn't told her. She hadn't been around to tell. It hurt her to realize that he had this wonderful news, that he was going to be an uncle again, and he was afraid to tell her because he could feel her slipping away. Her hand was inadvertently running up and down his arm as she thought this through.

"Well, we should get to bed," she finally decided. However, his focus was gone, his fingers were moving together, but he was back in his mulling mode and she knew with a glance that she might have lost him. Choosing to let him be, knowing that she knew more about the contents of his bag than he did, she walked over and picked a t-shirt out of the bag. "Come on Luke, you need your sleep," she told him, hoping that the sound of her voice will ground him, but no avail.

Taking her seat again next to him, she adjusted his arms so she could remove his flannel and undershirt. She took a deep breath as her eyes focused on his bare chest, the rippled muscles of his arms, the tanned skin. He was just as beautiful as he had always been, apparently the grayish tone of his complexion hadn't traveled further than his face. She used all her powers of control to keep herself from sticking out a finger and slowly tracing a line down his chest and abdomen. Biting her lower lip as her eyes focused on the exposed skin, she took another deep, but now shaky breath, feeling her face flush with desire. "Lorelai," he said softly, jerking her eyes up to his face.

He knew he had caught her looking. The feel of the cold air of winter on his skin had pulled him out of his reverie only to find the raven-haired woman sitting next to him staring unwaveringly at his chest. The idea that the void that had formed between them didn't reduce her attraction to him was refreshing, no, more than that, it was invigorating. He could do little to keep himself from her now as he slowly closed the distance touching his lips softly to hers, gently running his tongue over her lower lip until she opened her mouth to him, allowing his tongue to tangle with her own. The amazing feeling of kissing her once again almost matched that of the first time they kissed all those years ago. He softly moaned her name against her lips.

She pulled back suddenly, hearing her own name in the gruff tones reserved for their late night activities. Quickly shaking her head, she threw the shirt into his surprised hands. "I'm not here for that," she insisted softly, wanting to give in but knowing he would have regretted it later. That's what friends do. That's what people in love do. They keep each other from doing things they'll be ashamed of and feel guilty about. She had to do this for him because he had enough on his mind, he blamed himself enough for other things. The thought ran once again through her head, if only Christopher had been that kind of a friend when she went to him that night.

"I'll assume you can handle the rest of the bedtime procedure yourself," she told him, getting off the bed. Still stunned by the abrupt end to their kiss, he just stares at the shirt in his lap, seemingly unaware of how it got there. Though she wanted to stay and explain to him why she couldn't give in, she knew that if she remained in his room for one more second, his uncovered skin still in sight, she might change her mind. So she turned and walked towards the door.

"Thank you," she heard from behind her and flipped around to find his eyes on her. "Thank you," he repeated, as if unsure if she had heard him the first time. He wanted her there. He was glad to have her there. A lump formed in her throat with the thought.

Speechless, she could only nod. "I'll be just…" She pointed with her thumb in the direction of her room. "I'll leave the door open if you need me." With that she turned and entered her room. She had changed, brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, the whole time with her mind still on the man in the next room. Why had he kissed her? Was it just the attraction that still remained? Did he still love her? Could he ever forgive her? Those questions remained on her mind as she laid down to go to sleep. They weighed on her as she tossed and turned, trying to let go and fall asleep.

Now, hours later in the dead of the night, she's still awake, having been unable to keep her mind from thinking. She's startled back to the present by the change in sounds from the room next door. Her ears no longer sense the reverberations of Luke's soothing snores but a more heartbreaking tone of grief. He's crying. Luke - introverted, unemotional, keep it all inside – Luke is crying. The sound of any person crying is usually enough to dampen her spirits, but the fact that it's Luke pains her so much more.

Unable to remain in her bed, to allow him to let out his sorrow alone, she gets out of bed and walks into his room. He's lying in the middle of the bed, his head actually on the mattress having pushed the pillows out of the way. His face is shoved into the crook of his arm, muffling the sound of his tears. The blankets are pushed away as well, only the sheet remains wrapped tight around his body, holding him together. Somehow it seems to her that the sheet is the only thing that's keep him from completely losing it and breaking into pieces. The wracking sobs that fill the room scare her to the point that she's almost afraid to go to him, in fear that this memory of Luke will be the one that remains, that she'll no longer see him as the strong man who was her support during Rory's absence.

Her feet have a mind of their own as they move her towards the bed and she's secretly grateful for this. She lies down next to him, facing him, wrapping one arm around him, and the other around his head, pulling his face to her chest, resting her chin on his head. "Let it out. I'm here. I'll always be here," she whispers softly, convincing herself at the same time.

His arms wrap around her, hugging her to him, like a little boy cuddling his teddy bear. She feels his hands grasp her shirt tightly within his fists and doesn't pull away, just allowing him to use her warmth as a comfort, wishing there was more she could give him. Placing a kiss on top of his head, she closes her eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted. She slowly drifts off to sleep, Luke completely wrapped around her, neither knowing what lays ahead in the day to come, but hoping that it will be better facing it together.


	3. Chapter 3

The sunlight streams though a break in the blinds on the window and wakes up him in the morning. The pleasing aroma of her fruity shampoo mixes with her flowery perfume to fill his lungs with a scent that is so completely Lorelai. He smiles to himself, pulling her closer to him. There's soft tapping on the outside of the window. Stan. But he's so relaxed this morning that he doesn't even mind the noises of the bothersome raccoon. That is, until a shooting pain blazes across his back up to his shoulder. Somehow he remembers this bed being a little more comfortable and he shifts around trying to recall that feeling, opening his eyes in the process. Suddenly it dawns on him, somehow his mind had skipped back almost a year to that weekend on the Vineyard that he had belittled the entire time but was really the only time he really felt comfortable in his own skin the entire last year.

And now, after all that's happened, with Lorelai in his arms, he's still a man, he's a man holding a beautiful woman in his arms. As his eyes drift over her, watching her long eyelashes fluttering on her cheeks, her long tousled hair thrown over her pillow. She's breathtaking. No matter what has happened in the last year, that fact hasn't changed. He realizes that he must have been dreaming about her to have thought that they were still back on the Vineyard and while he can't really recall the dream, he knows that they were together. Not together like they are now, sharing a bed but distinctly separate from each other, but pre-break-up together. The familiar feeling in his lower abdomen reminds him that the dream must have been good, that the sight of her now is still arousing as it always was.

She's like one of those Amazon women: luring men in only to kill them and eat them for dinner. As much as he yearns to give into his desires, to rouse her from her deep slumber and bury himself deep within her, to thread his fingers through her hair, caress the soft skin of her breasts, and drive himself into her until she's moaning his name in pleasure. He can't and he knows it, for many reasons. The loss of his sister is so new, so recent, that he fears these thoughts are staining her memory.

Yet it's the ache in his heart, the still reminder of Lorelai's betrayal that causes him to remove his arms from around her. He can't keep holding on to her, feeling her warmth against him and remain motionless in bed. Reluctantly, he slides off the bed, gradually so as not to wake her. He has to force himself to keep his eyes from wandering back to the bed to admire her resting form, which he had time and again stared at in wonder, amazed that there existed on Earth such a creature and she had chosen him. Yet, she hadn't chosen him, it had been some figment of his imagination that she had truly meant it when she asked him to marry her, asked him to elope with her, asked him to love her. And that's what compels him to pick up his bag and carry it into the bathroom.

A nice hot shower, that's what he needs. No, make that a nice cold shower as his mind travels back to the thinly clothed woman lying in his bed. The blood again pulses down between his legs as the image forms in his mind of Lorelai's long naked legs wrapped around him, her eyes gone black with desire for him. With a groan, he turns on the shower, checking to make sure the temperature is as cold as possible. His shaking fingers struggle with the zipper on the bag, trying to focus his mind on the task at hand. Upon opening the bag, he's reminded how lucky he is that she packed for him, remembering that if it hadn't been for her he would have gone on that math team trip with April without his toothbrush. Hearing a soft sigh from the other side of the door, the throbbing feeling in his groin returns and he quickly grabs shampoo and soap and gets into the shower, to let the cold water run over him until he's once again in control of himself.

When he finally cools down and towels himself off, he walks out of the bathroom to find his room empty of any remnants that there was ever another person in the room. The sheet is completely shoved over on the side he had slept on. The door between their rooms is shut and he wonders for a moment if she locked it too. Does she have some kind of telepathy that allowed her to read his mind? Is she angry with him? His answer is in the clothes laid out for him on the chair. Laying on the chair is a dark brown sweater and black pants with a pair of black dress shoes sitting on the ground by the legs of the chair. He knows that without her help he would have ended up wearing just another flannel with jeans which would have been completely inappropriate on this day.

After changing, she again opens the door between their rooms, checking to make sure he's dressed and ready, which he is. With only a slight nod, she walks out of the room, knowing he'll follow. They get into the car, Lorelai again in the driver's seat, and she pulls out of the parking lot. This time, however, he doesn't stare out the window but instead he takes in her outfit, her knee-length black skirt with frills on the end, the tight black shirt underneath her open black suit jacket. Her boots on her feet rise up to mid calf. He swallows. Does she do this just to get to him? Taking a deep breath, he glances up at her to find her looking at him curiously. "You all right there?" she asks compassionately, a slight curve to her lips. If she only knew.

He manages a nod in response, hoping she doesn't really understand why he was staring, and turns back to gaze out the window. It had been only a few years ago that he had stared out the window of his own truck on his way to assist Liz and TJ after their last car crash. Apparently driving on the road and TJ do not belong in the same sentence. The entire ride up to the Ren Faire in Maine all he could think about was how irritated he was that he had to leave Stars Hollow just because his sister's husband was a lunatic. He had to leave home just when things seemed to finally be working out with Lorelai and he knows he blamed Liz for that. It hadn't been her fault. She wasn't the one who forced him to wait eight years to make a move. She wasn't the one who drove the car off the road. She wasn't the one who got in the car and pushed it all the way to Maine so that he was no longer in the same town as Lorelai. No, it had been his decision, his own fear of Lorelai's denial that had put him in that position.

Liz had been his sister and no matter what she had ever done, he had loved her, he had cared for her, he had hoped things would turn out for the best for her. And they had. Just when things were turning out all happily ever after for her with TJ and Gabriel, the tragedy that followed the lives of the Danes's struck once again. And he was left to deal with the loss of the last remaining family member that had ever used the last name of Danes.

As Lorelai pulls into the driveway and turns off the car, she leans back in her seat. Both of them are motionless in the car each lost in his or her own thoughts as they stare at the cars parked in front of them and at the white house with the light green shutters. She finally shakes her head, focusing her eyes and glances over at him. "You ready?" she asks him, noticing that the color has once again disappeared from his face. All during the drive, he seemed a little better than the day before. She had hoped that the sleep had done him some good, but now, his face ashen once again, she's worried.

"I – I don't think I can do this," he finally stutters, his breath quickening along with the rising of his anxiety. Her heart aches for him, knowing how alone he feels. He's lost Liz now. He lost his parents. And though she's there in body, she knows that he feels he's lost her as well, possibly he feels like he never had her. He did and she knows it, but she's no longer certain of how to reassure him.

Finally, she places her hand once again in his, squeezing his tightly. "I'm here," she tells him, hoping he reads the true meaning of her words. He tears his eyes from the glass of the window shield over to her and she feels her cheeks flame in response. He still has that power over her, to make her feel completely exposed with just a look. The same way he had from the day they met, although it had taken her eight years to acknowledge that fact. She squeezes his hand once again before letting go and getting out of the jeep.

He gets out as well and shoves his hands deep within the confines of his pockets as he follows her to the front door. "Hey, come in," the man he recognizes as TJ's brother, Mike, calls from the opposite side of the screen door. With a quick glance at Lorelai, he opens the door, allowing her to step in ahead of him. "Luke, right? Liz's brother, Luke?" Mike asks from the kitchen at the end of the hall.

Luke's response is stuck in his throat and he looks over at Lorelai for help. She raises her eyebrows at him, as if he's supposed to know what she means. His eyes lower and he notices her open palm inches from his hand. Without recognizing her gesture with a nod or any other kind of indication, he moves his hand to grip hers tightly. Silently, he guides her down the hall to the kitchen. "Yes, I'm Luke. I'm... her brother," he finally gets out, hesitant to say his sister's name.

"Look who's up!" a high girlish voice exclaims from behind him. Both he and Lorelai flip around to find a woman walking down the stairs with a baby in her arms.

"Gabriel," Luke says softly, a small smile spreading over his face. Without knowing it, he lets go of Lorelai's hand to walk over to the woman. "Hey Buddy," Luke says kindly to the infant. He gives the woman a look, as if asking to hold his nephew. She nods, and carefully places Gabriel in Luke's waiting arms.

Lorelai can't help but watch Luke hold his young nephew, cradling the boy against his heart. How Anna ever convinced herself she was right to keep his daughter from him for twelve years is beyond her, but what had always been more surprising to her is that Anna's reason for her actions was her staunch belief that Luke would never love a child. Just the sight of him holding the small baby in his arms and any small bit of truth to Anna's belief immediately evaporates. He loves this child and anyone observing this picture of Luke at this moment should easily be able to discern that. She watches in awe as he smiles warmly down at the infant in his arms, reaching out a finger, placing it in the child's fingers, and smiles even wider as the young boy holds on. Then he places a kiss on the child's forehead and glances back at her, as if he was whispering things about her to the baby.

He cradles Gabriel in his arms as he walks back over to her. "Lorelai, I'd like you to meet my nephew, Gabriel," Luke says as she smiles softly at the beautiful infant. Luke looks down at the child in his arms. "Buddy, this is Auntie Lorelai." With that short sentence, her heart skips a beat. He called her Auntie. Was he just being kind? Was he just saying it because she is there? Or was it something more?

Her thoughts are interrupted by TJ's brother calling Luke over to the table where an older man and woman sit, people she assumes are TJ's mother and father. Luke grimaces in response, giving Lorelai a pleading look as if begging her not to make him go talk to these people he so clearly despises. "You have to," she tells him and they both know that he does.

"Take him for a bit?" Luke asks, motioning for her take Gabriel. Her lips part slightly in surprise and delight at being allowed to hold the baby that is so clearly dear to Luke's heart. She nods eagerly and gingerly receives the baby in her arms, holding him close to her.

"Hi Gabriel," she says softly, her eyes smiling down at the child. She glances up at Luke. "Go." He rolls his eyes but does as told. Her attentions return to Gabriel as she's completely taken with him. Gabriel's bright blue eyes stare up at her, almost adoringly, as if he knows she's a friend.

Meanwhile Luke has become engaged in a conversation that he has little interest in as TJ's family attempts to plan the next day's funeral. Knowing that he's planning to have Liz's funeral back home in Stars Hollow, Luke's attention wanes. His gaze drifts back to Lorelai, who is cuddling his nephew close to her, whispering things in his ear that he can only imagine have to do with her three favorite things: coffee, Rory and TV. As he watches, the small child, though not hers, seems to reach up with his little hand and pull himself into her heart and he knows that the boy will be in her heart for always.

Somehow she seems to sense that Luke's watching her and glances over at him and winks. But instead of being warmed by her smile, his heart turns cold as he can only imagine who else has been warmed by her smile in the past. He returns his concentration back to TJ's family without a response to Lorelai's wink.

She murmurs Luke's praises to Gabriel for awhile, astounded by the child's instant ease with her. Davey at Gabriel's age wanted nothing to do with anyone who wasn't Sookie or Tobin, even his own father had received screams when holding him. Prissy Martha hadn't stayed still long enough at Gabriel's age to even let anyone hold her without being afraid of dropping her. Only Rory, her own daughter, had lain still in her arms, contented by the beat of her mother's heart.

She's startled suddenly by noises from the corner of the kitchen and directs one eye over there. Luke is glaring across the table at TJ's brother, sour looks on the faces of both TJ's mother and father. Luke's hands are on his hips as he bellows his notions on how things should be. None of the members of TJ's family seem accepting of Luke's responses and she's worried about the health of the elder generation in their grief after the recent tragedy. With a quick glance down at Gabriel, who has snuggled against her, eyes closed, she crosses the floor over to Luke.

"Come," she demands, nudging him with her elbow. He gives her a look of displeasure, but she responds only with a stony look. Then he nods. "He needs to be changed," she tells TJ's family, meaning Gabriel, but noting with amusement the double meaning that could be derived from her statement. None of the other people respond as she motions at Luke with her head. She leads him away from the group.

As they walk up the stairs, she nudges him angrily. "What the hell was that?" she asks furiously.

"What?" he responds obstinately, as if he has no idea what she's inferring.

"You! Yelling at TJ's parents and brother the day after his death!" she admonishes him. "What the hell was that Luke?" He sighs heavily, knowing she's right to reprove him, though he really has no idea what got him so upset.

"You shouldn't say that word with him in your arms," he finally mumbles, receiving only a cross look from the woman walking next to him. He motions to her left at the nursery that's been set up for Gabriel's occasional visits and she turns and walks into the room. She's still upset with him and he knows it. "They want Liz to be buried here, next to TJ and his grandparents." She stands in the middle of the room and turns to look up at him, her expression softening as she understands his anger.

"What did Liz want?" she inquires. He shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Well did she want to be buried in Stars Hollow next to your parents, who she was never close with? Or did she want to be buried here in Amherst next to the man she loved?" He gets her point instantly, in fact he always knew that was the case, but just didn't want it to be true. She cocks her head, letting him know that she knows she's right. He sighs again.

Gabriel squirms a little, readjusting himself in Lorelai's arms and she beams down at him. To Luke, it reminds him of a painting he once saw in the Metropolitan Museum of Art on a trip he had taken with his mother when he was much younger, one that his mother had admired for a long time of the Virgin Mother holding her infant son in her arms. Though he knows from personal experience that Lorelai has no other grounds than looks to be compared to the woman in the painting, it amazes him how she can look so beautiful, so radiant, in the image of motherhood. "You know, Rory was eleven before I met you so I never really knew… but you look good with a baby in your arms," Luke comments, remembering times past when he had imagined her holding their own child in her arms. They had agreed that kids would be good, and they would have been, but all that was gone now. She looks up at him appreciatively.

Without responding to his compliment, she takes Gabriel over to the changing table and lays him down. "Get a diaper," she tells him, without turning around. "Hi Gabriel. I'm your Auntie Lorelai. I'm just going to change you and make you feel all nice and dry again," she coos as she loosens the sticky tags of the used diaper. She makes faces with her tongue, making Gabriel giggle to keep him happy as she changes him.

Just when Luke finally finds the new diapers, he hears a knock on the door. "Hey Uncle – ug!" Luke looks up to see Jess jump back into the doorway as he spots his brother lying naked on the changing table. Jess's nose is wrinkled, clearly not pleased by the odor from the used diaper. Lorelai glances over her shoulder at Jess and giggles. She motions for Luke to bring the new diaper over to her, which he does.

"I'll take care of this. You go do your manly bonding," she says softly, motioning with her head at Jess. Luke walks back over to Jess, embracing his nephew in a manly but loving hug. Lorelai grins, watching them try to pretend to be cool about the whole thing, but really needing each other after the loss of Liz.

As the two separate, they match postures, each shoving his hands in his pockets, looking at the ground with an eye on the other. Lorelai smiles to herself and returns her attentions to the squirming child in front of her. "I'm sorry," Jess mumbles.

"No, Jess, I'm sorry," Luke says. "You know she loved you. She kept saying how things were going to turn out for you. And you know what? She was right." Jess nods. Luke smacks Jess's arm. "She was right."


	4. Chapter 4

She stares at herself in the mirror, really taking a good look at herself for the first time in a long time. The last image of herself in her mind is one of a ruined woman, a redfaced, wild-haired child, who had fallen so deep in her love for a man that she had let it control her and drive her to desire more than he could give her. A picture of a woman who had little more hope for a blissful future than Hester Prynne. It was in response to this realization that she had given thanks every day to God or Mother Nature or Zeus or fate or whoever determined the course of her life that she had not conceived a child that night with Christopher. That was the only reason she had felt no urge to go out and emblaze the letter A on her forehead, that and the fact that she and Luke had never actually married, though some might say they had set up the pretenses of an old married could early on in their relationship.

Old is right. The lines on her face, deeper than before, do little to assure her that the past few months have improved her complexion. Every time she opens the phonebook at work, her fingers skip hastily past the hair salon section for fear that she might actually realize that feigned ignorance will not rid her head of the grey that has come in. Though she remembers quite well the other Star Hollow Middle School mothers, most more than 10 years older than herself, discussing how their troublesome children had aged their bodies. Yet, Rory had never affected her in that way, not even Rory's break from the reality and her pre-destined future had adjusted Lorelai's looks past her true years. No, it was only this, only her own slip of loyalty to herself and what her bond to the man next door had meant to her that had caused this rapid change to the woman echoed back in the shining glass.

As she reaches up to run her fingers over her cheek, making sure that the reflection in front of her truly is her own, she's startled by a noise in the background. She reaches out and opens the bathroom door a crack, leaning back to hear outside a little better. But there is no sound. What had disturbed her dissection of her own image might have been nothing more than her own brain wishing she had never looked in the mirror in the first place.

But no, it comes again. Her heart beating rapidly, she takes one last glance at the mirror before sighing in disappointment and turning out the bathroom light. She steps softly, padding on the carpet towards the cracked door separating the interior of his room from her own. Reaching it, her fingers slide down the white wood, as if feeling him through the door, trying to sense the warmth, like one trying to escape a burning building and checking the exit to feel for fire on the opposite side. Again she hears him, not like last night, not the soft sorrowful sounds of a man hiding his tears. No, it is worse than that, she can hear his heavy breathing, his fear, his trembling seeping through the hushed moans.

Within an instant she has thrown the door open, but subconsciously remembers to catch it with her other hand to not alarm him with the crash of the door hitting the wall. Her feet carry her swiftly to his bedside and she is promptly on the bed at his side, her body nestled against his, her hand rubbing his arm. "Luke. Luke wake up. Hun, please wake up," she begs, whispering in his ear, her lips not a centimeter away from their target.

In a split second his arms wrap around her, pulling her flush against his body, soothing himself with the soft comfort that her body provides. He buries his face in her shoulder using her as a shield from the outside world and those that seek to destroy him in the night. He hardly knows what is happening as he struggles to breathe, the memory of his garish nightmare so deep within his head. His father had been there. His mother. His sister. Jess. Lorelai. They had all been there, ghosts drifting in the distance but he had been knowledgeable of their presence. But they hadn't come to him. None of them. They had all left, floating away to their own demise until all he could see in the light in front of him was Gabriel, small and helpless and alone, not unlike himself.

Somewhere within in his subconscious he senses her. Though she had come in a few minutes ago and let him wrap himself around her, clinging to her with everything in him, he is only just now aware of her presence. She is there as if she had never left, as if here and now they are still as they had once been in the plaid sheets of his bed above the diner in the days after Rory's disappearance from their lives. But at the time, it had been him comforting her, convincing her to let go, to release what is inside, to ease her fears.

He wonders for a moment, what if they hadn't been engaged at the time, what if they hadn't been lovers, would he have done the same? Would he have held her close and dried her tears if he hadn't known her in the biblical sense? And he truly believes it was more than that, it was more than their commitment to each other that brought him to hold her close late into the night and in the light of the morning. Nonetheless, he's not quite sure why this is true. With this new insight into himself, his eyes slowly close and he drifts back into dreamland.

In the morning, she's awakened with the sense that something is different. Not wrong. Not incorrect. Just different. As she slowly opens hers eyes, feeling her head laying against his cool forehead and his face buried in her neck, all she can see is him. Luke. His strong tanned shoulders that once were all that kept her from falling apart and losing herself to the self-deprecation that had come with Rory's move to Hartford. They were the same shoulders that had pushed her away when all that she desired in life was to be close to him, to feel him, to be accepted as his soulmate and the future stepmother of his daughter. She remembers the look in his eyes whenever the subject of April had come up: distant, distrusting, unfeeling.

Before she knows it, she's pulled her arms away from him. In fact her whole body has arched away from him in a subliminal attempt to get away from him.

Her eyes drift over him one last time taking in his sleeping, docile form. His long eyelashes that flutter on his skin. The scruff of his beard, longer than usual, but still very attractive to her. The slight curve, almost a smile, on his pale lips, so innocent and gentle that she almost leans in to touch her lips to his.

Instead she pulls back and gets out of bed, carefully so as not to wake him. She adjusts her clothes, still remembering that wondrous feeling of his arms holding her tight. Yet she knows the embrace was not loving, but due to the dreadful images that taunted him in his dreams. And again she remembers that her purpose here is not to reestablish their commitment to each other, but to be the person he can rely on, be the solace in the darkness of the wake of his sister's death. Though it would be nice if both were to occur, she knows that it will take more than her presence to mend the shreds that were left following her infidelity.

After another two hours, both are finally awake and ready to go to TJ's funeral. "I thought you were almost out the door," Luke grumps, leaning his shoulder against the doorway between their rooms. The sight of her running around the room switching jewelry and touching up her make up in the last moments before they walk out the door is a familiar one to him. It's a vision he had almost forgotten in the months since their breakup and now that he's confronted with it again he realizes how much he missed it. Something about the rush to be ready on time, yet failing miserably because she wanted to look just perfect for their outing or, more importantly, for him, was just so Lorelai. It amazes him that it's this ordinary scene that makes his heart ache more than the glimpse of the gazebo where they had celebrated their engagement or the sight of the TV that he had bought for her to convince her to spend the night more often.

She walks past him, giving him a quick roll of her eyes as she glances at him. "I'm ready. Jeez, you'd think that the San Andreas Fault was right here to open up if I wasn't ready on time," she crabs as she walks out the door of his room, leaving sound of her heels clicking on the tiled floor in her wake. He can only shake his head, astounded by her lax attachment to timeliness.

They quickly get in the car, Lorelai reaching in her backseat for the directions and shoving them into Luke's hands. "Navigate, Senor Columbus," she directs as she turns on the car.

Indeed, whoever handed her the directions from the hotel to the funeral home had been right on because within moments Lorelai is pulling into the parking lot of the building labeled Urban-Amigone Funeral Home. The parking lot is quite full because apparently most attendees are much more punctual than Lorelai Gilmore. But with the few stragglers still heading towards the door and the cars pulling up next to them, they are assured that they will not be interrupting the service in progress.

She gets out and walks in front of the jeep and waits for him to meander his way over to her. He's slightly more ragged than he was in back in his hotel room but she imagines that this is not the worst image she's going to have of him today or the next few days. Like a dutiful companion, she fixes the mussed collar of his shirt, letting her fingers linger a moment on his shoulder, if only to assure him of her presence through the duration. With a nod from him that he's aware of what's happening, she wraps her hand around his elbow and leads him into the building.

Thankfully for both, Jess notices them right away, probably not wanting to be forced to converse with his peculiar step-father's family. He waves Luke and Lorelai over to where he has saved two seats besides him. Luke glances at Lorelai for only a moment to wonder if he, as Liz's brother, should go sit with TJ's family, but she motions with her chin towards Jess and he follows her lead.

The service is solemn, almost the antithesis of the essence that was TJ. But it is, as funerals always are, what the family wanted. Between the three closest to Liz Matthews nee Danes, none seeks to glance at another throughout the ceremony, each wondering why a man who had a minstrel at his wedding would have such a dry funeral. It's almost as if the service was meant so that the family could grieve for the man they wished TJ had been rather than the person that he was.

During the successive drive to the cemetery, Lorelai notices that Luke is still somber, never actually having come out of his stupor since sitting down next to his nephew. The only thing that seems to bring Luke out of this daze is the woman from the day before, whom Lorelai has learned is TJ's cousin Dawn Devers, placing Gabriel in Luke's arms again today, claiming that TJ's parents are too shaken at this point to care for the infant. At this point, instead of the dreary pastor, Mike Matthews, takes over the ritual. As he begins to go off for some time about the wonder that was TJ, she glances over at Luke, his gaze settled on his nephew. The smile that she remembers him presenting Gabriel the day before is replaced by a grave look but still gentle eyes. She lightly squeezes his elbow again, as if comforting him for the loss of his brother-in-law, and she hopes that he takes it as her way of telling him that it's okay to concentrate on his nephew rather than the service.

As she leads him over to meet up with Jess afterwards, they are confronted with all of TJ's family that she's become familiar with in the past two days. His slightly off kilter brother, who owns a furniture store in Nutley. His dull parents who could barely gather enough kindness to give their son the funeral he deserved. His cousin Dawn, the woman who had taken care of Gabriel the past few days and had grown up next door to the Matthews'. And his Uncle Jarvis, his mother's brother, who seemed to have his goal set on convincing others of his unlikely mob connections. All of them stand in front of Luke and Lorelai now, like the Berlin Wall, blocking their exit to either Jess or the jeep and the freedom that comes with it.

A man standing behind the fives Matthews' suddenly speaks up. "You are Mr. and Mrs. Luke Danes?" the man asks, shocking both Luke and Lorelai with the idea that many have assumed that they are married. Lorelai can remember just a year ago when she and Luke had been cohabitating in the living room of her house during the renovation. At the time she had often heard Babette or Ms. Patty comment that it seemed they already had gotten married. They had both just felt so safe, so secure in their relationship, it seemed all so perfect, so much that part of Lorelai almost ached for the those times even with her separation from Rory at the time.

"I'm Luke Danes," Luke finally responds, not knowing how to explain Lorelai's presence while also clarifying that he's not actually with Lorelai. In response, she can feel her face grow hot and stares down intently at her hands to keep the Matthews' from seeing the flame of her cheeks. She is sure that they are all instantly aware of the fact that Luke did not introduce her as anything, much less his wife. Really, he shouldn't introduce her with that title, it's not true, and it may never come true despite the fact that she may yearn for that for the rest of her life.

She drifts from her thoughts to the conversation going on around her, finally realizing that the discussion has become quite heated. Luke was never one to keep his cool in times of stress, she knows him that much. "Well he's my nephew! You're not taking him away from me! He's all I have left. He belongs with me!" Luke exclaims, his hand now rubbing Gabriel's back as the boy has now been shifted to his shoulder. Lorelai's eyes are trained on Luke's hand, watching the methodic tender way that Luke is taking care of his young nephew, trying to soothe the boy in the presence of his angry family. Her minds flashes for a moment back to a scene that she can scarcely remember when it happened, Luke in her kitchen, Luke kissing her goodbye, Luke talking to her stomach followed by placing her own hands over her abdomen, knowing that she had everything she ever wanted. Luke and her twins.

And now it comes to her. The twins. That had only been her dream. It wasn't real. "Luke, we don't even have a car seat," she hears herself mumble, wondering when a part of her had returned to the conversation. Luke stares at her with cold fury, his eyes wild and remote as if he is physically having the conversation but mentally he's in a different time and place when his life was peaceful and settled.

Though she knows this, when he responds, she just can't let him take her down with him. "Stay out of this Lorelai!" he shouts at her and her breath catches in her throat. It was like his dark day of 2004 all over again and the only thing she can think to do is walk away, give him a chance to figure things out. It's what she had done then, what's to say it won't work this time. So she gathers her black coat, the same one she had been wearing that night two years ago, tight against her and walks away, tears threatening the corners of her eyes.

The voices around him seem to gather and become incensed like the crowd circling the soldiers just prior to the Boston Massacre. This time instead of guns going off, little sparks are lighting in his brain. So much at once.

There's the beautiful endearing boy laying against his chest, his little fingers grasping his shirt, the little one feeling safe and secure in his uncle's arms. Luke can still hear Lorelai's words telling him about the moment that Rory was first put in her arms and only now can he truly begin to understand. He can feel it in his heart. He can feel it in his need to hold his nephew close. He can feel it in the times that he spends just staring at the small boy. He loves Gabriel, through and through, heart and soul, jams hands included. His nephew had him the moment he was placed in Luke's waiting arms just a few moments after his entrance into the world and first opened his baby blue eyes and took in the sight of his enchanted uncle.

Eventually Luke finishes his discussion with the lawyers and grudgingly hands Gabriel over to Dawn only because, as Lorelai pointed out, there's no car seat in the jeep. After repeating over and over that he will be stopping by to see his nephew before he leaves town, the Matthews family and Matthews lawyer finally walk away. He watches them disappear into the distance and for second his heart skips a beat, wondering if this is possibly the last image he'll ever have of his nephew who he adores. And instantly images flash through his mind, the last memory of his mother: pale and sickly in her hospital bed, the last vision of his father: worn out, eyes closed to the world in his bed at home, the last memory of Liz: holding Gabriel in her arms before she and TJ left for the Renaissance Faire, whispering she can hope for nothing more than for Gabriel to be just like his uncle.

And again his heart feels empty and as he looks around, he can finally see how alone he truly is. Most of the funeral attendees have gone home or are in the process of walking away. The cemetery workers are folding up chairs that had been used by TJ's parents and other elderly guests during the service. For a moment, as the men carry the chairs away, there's nothing but Luke and the casket and the cool breeze blowing over the frozen earth.

In the distance his eyes catch a figure, like finding Waldo in those semi-impossible books. His gaze is drawn to her and he's immobile. From this great a distance, he can see her despondent expression, her slouched posture and again a picture flashes through his mind. Her pleading eyes, brimming with tears. Her cold fingers, resting on his own. Her thin form, shaped in blue. And he had let her go. He had lost her. It was as if his inability to comprehend things in an instant was always the reason he ended up alone without her, without Rachel, without family.

Finally, he strolls over to her. She's leaning against the driver's door of the jeep. In this moment, he can almost see her as the young teenager he had never known: wild and untamed, unruly and uncontrollable, with a natural way about her as if freedom was the way she wanted to live her life. He could envision her long unmanageable curls that ran down her back, her fingers wrapped around a cigarette, not because it's the cool thing to do or because Joe Camel was her role model, but because her mother would have hated it so much. She stood strong against everything: her parents trying to run her life, her boyfriend trying to force her hand in marriage, her teachers trying to convince her to give up her child and go on to college. She had been an impenetrable force.

She still is. The only moments he can ever remember seeing her true vulnerability was when she was worried about losing him. And he wonders why he never told her it was the one thing she never had to consider for even a moment, at least until she broke his trust in her.

"Why did you ask me? Why did you ask me to come?" she asks of him, hoping that he's seeing her questions as brave rather than anxious. She watches him literally digest her words, his mouth open to them, his throat swallowing them, his stomach aching with them. "Did you ask me because I was there? Because you just wanted someone? Anyone? Or did you ask me because I was me?"

He's afraid at first of how to respond. With her finally standing before him, just the two of them in this light of day, it's almost as if they can pretend the past year away and go back to the way things once were. Their problems are back in Stars Hollow and if they just stay here, just the two of them, in the snow, under the sun of the afternoon, maybe that's the only way they can ever truly be together. "I think at first it was because I just needed someone," he admits, watching her face fall, as if she was expecting him to immediately insist that he needed her and lift her off her feet. "But, now, Lorelai… I don't know. I think… I think I'm glad it's you."

But she doesn't smile. Her eyes brighten from a navy to the color of a swimming pool on a hot summer day. But she doesn't smile.

Instead she slowly takes a deep breath in and lets it out. "So what did Johnnie Cochran have to say?" she finally asks, and both know that the moment is over. She's still the woman who loved him so much she cheated on him when she thought she had already lost him. He's still the man who loved her so long and so much that he thought once he had her he stood no chance of losing her until he realized he had already lost her.

But yet, though the moment is over, both know that things will never really be over between them.

"He said that Liz and TJ Matthews requested that Luke and Lorelai Danes be the guardians of one Gabriel Lucas Matthews in the case of their untimely deaths."


	5. Chapter 5

The car ride seems relentless to her as they drive along the empty freeway that, although heading towards one of the largest cities in the world, seems set in a barren land. He's quiet again, slumped in his seat. She notices that the icy cold shadow of grief still shrouds him, smothering him in an inability to do much more than breathe and exist. With the impending funeral and possible fight for custody of his nephew, she wonders how he's ever going to get through this. What will he do at night without her there to protect him? To hold him close until he doesn't feel so alone in the world.

The previous night had been nothing more than a methodical sequence of events. They had driven with Jess to dinner, during which only Jess and Lorelai exchanged a few words, both keeping away from the subject of Lorelai's daughter and Jess's ex-girlfriend. Few who had ever known the two would wonder what they could ever find to chat about for over an hour, but the conversation wasn't for them, it was for the man who was sitting next to her feeling his world fall apart. The sound of their chatter was meaningless but made the man that both Lorelai and Jess adore understand how much they would do for him.

After dinner, they drove Jess back to his car and headed to their hotel for one last attempt at sleep before the ride hope. They had both gone into their separate rooms. They had changed into their pajamas, brushed their teeth and climbed into bed. Into the same bed. As if both of them had felt that there was no need to pretend any longer. He needed her, they both knew it. She wasn't sure why they were still paying for two rooms except to keep up the pretense for themselves that they weren't expecting to share a bed each night, unable to sleep without being wrapped in each other's arms. As if they're both clinging to every last notion that what they share at night is only a physical touch, that there's nothing getting through, no emotional involvement, so that they can live with themselves in their solitude during the day.

Even now, on this long drive back to their hometown, she wonders what's going on in his mind. Is he thinking about the nights they've spent together? Is he thinking about his sister that whose body will meet them back in Stars Hollow? Is he thinking about a young boy, wrapped in a blue blanket, holding his hands out towards Luke as he's carried away?

Oh it was heartbreaking. The scene of a man, lost in a world, deserted by his family, let down by the women in his life, holding on to the small innocence of his nephew. It's enough to bring tears to her eyes now, forcing her to quickly brush her hand across her face and then grip the steering wheel tightly. It was in that moment that she had seen the first sign that he was going to get through this terrible tragedy that seemed to follow him throughout his life. It was like Gabriel was the magic that put back the sparkle in his eyes that had disappeared the moment she walked away into the arms of another man.

But then Dawn had come over and reminded both Luke and Lorelai that they had a long trip ahead of them and removed Gabriel from the protecting arms of his uncle. Immediately the poor child had begun screaming, a terrifying rage that Lorelai had never known was contained within the infant. He jerked away from Dawn, balling his little hands into fists, squirming until Dawn had to hold him tight against herself to keep from dropping him. And Luke just stood there, his eyes focused on his nephew, his lips moving but no sound being made. Yet Lorelai knew what he was saying, she knew he was telling Gabriel it was for the best, she knew he was telling the boy that he loves him, she knew he was saying that he'd always be there, even through the worst.

"Pondering the fate of the world?" she finally asks, giving into her desire to know exactly what he's thinking. She glances quickly away from the stretch of highway in front of her over at the man slumped next to her. The index finger of his left hand traces patterns on his seat, the signal for her that he's not going to answer.

How she wishes she knew what to say. Before picking up Jess to go to dinner, he had told her that Liz and TJ had wished for her and Luke to be Gabriel's guardians. No, actually they wanted Luke and Lorelai Danes to be Gabriel's guardians. The man and woman sitting in the jeep are not Luke and Lorelai Danes. There is no Luke and Lorelai Danes. The only time that entity ever existed was in her wildest dreams and apparently in Liz's too.

What's more surprising is that the papers were probably drawn up long after she and Luke separated. Meaning, Liz had believed she and Luke would get back together, that they would get married and be happy together. Oh Liz, sweet, kind, generous, saying things before thinking them through, completely optimistic about the men in her life, Liz. Liz, who had been so excited to learn that she and Luke were engaged, that they were going to be sister-in-laws. Liz had wanted Lorelai to be a guardian of her son Gabriel that Lorelai had never met, much less even knew existed. If she hadn't already been missing Liz, the idea that Liz had thought that much of her, had believed her to be a good person despite what she had done to Luke, would have torn her up inside. Now all she can feel is guilt. She isn't the person Liz had thought she was.

Back by the car, she hadn't said anything in response. They had stood there for a minute in silence until Jess showed up and suggested dinner. Almost twenty-four hours later and she still doesn't know what to think beyond amazement that Liz and TJ had actually come up with this idea. "Luke," she says in a low voice, taking her right hand off the steering wheel just long enough to tug on his sleeve, to force him to listen to her. "Luke."

"Hmmm?" he grunts, in that way he has that makes his grunts sound more sexy than half of Logan's Run. She can almost feel her face flush in response and places the back of her hand on her forehead to check for the beads of sweat that she's sure formed even on this cold winter's day.

Taking her eyes off the road for a split second, she finds him staring at her, in that way that make her wonder if he already knows what she's thinking. "So, about the will…" she says softly, clearing her throat. He knows she's nervous. She's doing that thing where she slowly chews on her lower lip, narrowing her eyes as if concentrating on the road rather than the questions forming in her mind. "Do you want to be Gabriel's guardian?" she finally asks.

"Yes," he answers immediately with a resolve that takes her by surprise. He notices this in the quick widening over her eyes and the quick blinks that follow, the way he knows she's trying to convince him she's not thinking what he knows she's thinking. A fond comfortable feeling fills him, knowing that she's still the woman he always knew as Lorelai.

And he wonders why his response is so shocking to her. That little boy is everything to him. He has Liz's heart. He has his grandmother's demeanor. He has his grandfather's loyalty. He has Luke's name, at least for a middle name. But it's just these facts that bolster the thought that Gabriel belongs with him. Luke had been the first, after TJ and Liz of course, to hold the boy when he was born. He had looked down at Gabriel and had seen the most perfect being he had ever seen in his life. A little angel who had opened his eyes and had loved him instantly. He hadn't known Luke at all, but he had quieted, feeling safe in Luke's arms, as if he knew that was where he belonged.

"Well, I could talk to my parents. They might know of a lawyer," Lorelai suggests, breaking through his thoughts. Her parents? She's going to ask her parents to help him? He's completely thrown by this. She's the woman who cut off her parents without even a second thought when she left at age 17. She's the same woman who might have cut her mother out of her life at age 36 for hurting him and subsequently causing their first breakup and would have, if not for Rory. But yet, just when he's pushed her so completely far away, she's offering to go to her parents to help him out. What wouldn't she do for him anymore?

"Yeah… a lawyer," he finally agrees. Although, glancing at her, he's not sure that she got his response as a committal to her offer. "You know, he did say both you and I…" he mutters softly, not taking his eyes off of her, knowing that at times the flicker in her eyes or the movement of her lips was more telling than what she was actually saying. As he watches her now, her eyelids blink a few times in succession and her lips part slightly, her tongue drifting between to wet her lower lip in that sexy way she had, and then her lips close softly.

She's not going to respond. He knows that in her mind, a non-response is a response, and in a way that's true. Most of the time she'll respond to something with a deliverance of thousands of words not quite cohesively sticking together. So it would seem when no words are used, that's more than saying something.

"I'll call my parents when we get home," she finally says after a moment, as if he had never uttered the second half of the sentence. He hesitates to wonder what the second half of his statement even meant, because he's not really sure why he brought it up again. Does he want her to raise Gabriel with him? Clearly that's a no. She's the reason that he spent six months in pain, having come so close to finally having it all including the woman that he fantasized about for 8 years only to have his dreams thwarted when she committed what he believes was the highest form of treachery possible. Then again she's also the only reason he's making it through this whole thing at all; her and Gabriel.

"Thanks," he says softly, not knowing exactly why he's thanking her now. For calling her parents? For coming on the trip? For just being her? She slowly chews on her bottom lip as if questioning it herself. For no reason at all, just because she's there, just because she's beautiful, just because she's melancholy and he knows she's thinking about him, he reaches over and rubs her arm quickly and then sighs, returning his attentions to the window. "Music would be good," he grunts, putting an end to their conversation, or whatever it might have been.

Reluctantly she flicks her fingers on the CD player, returning once again to Joshua Tree but this time starting with _Exit_. That's all she wants to do right now. Stop the car, fling open the door and run, just keep on running.

How can he possibly remind her that Liz and TJ had wanted them to raise Gabriel together after they got married? They're not married. That cool feeling on the ring finger of her left hand, the indentation where her engagement ring once sat for a year, is her constant reminder that she never married the only man she ever saw herself committing to.

Even Bono can't soothe her today. The first CD he ever bought after they started dating was U2's greatest hits. She can still remember that first night, cuddled up against him, feeling the warmth of his tanned skin against her cheek as she revealed all the CDs he would have to have. She can still hear his low throaty chuckle, sensual and titillating, when she made one of her quirky jokes. How horrible it is that she can no longer love the things she used to Bono, David Bowie, coffee, blueberry pancakes, all because they remind her of him, they remind her of happier times, when she thought for once she finally had it all.

A few quiet and intense hours later, she finally drives back into the town she's called home for over twenty years. It all seems so familiar. The same ten stores selling porcelain unicorns. Al's Pancake World, which stopped selling pancakes before it even opened. And finally, yes finally, the diner, where she had both met and lost the love of her life.

She pulls into a space in front of the diner and turns off the engine. With a sigh of relief and sadness, she slowly pulls the keys out and slumps back in her chair. "Home sweet home," she mutters with a slightly embittered tone. Her eyes wander to his fidgety hands and up to the back of his head as he stares out the window at the diner. With only a moment's hesitation, she clamps her hand down on both of his, startling him out of his trance. He moves his eyes from their hands, up her arms to match with hers, as if unsure who this person is that stilled his hands. The curiosity that prevails from her eyes makes him question his next move as well.

Her hands increase the pressure on his and he knows she's not leaving until he tells her to. He reaches a few times for the handle on the door before actually grabbing onto it. "So I guess I'll…" he trails off as he looks back at the diner. It's just after dinner time so the diner is in full swing. He puffs up his cheeks slowly letting out the air knowing what's just waiting for him inside.

She sets a hand lightly on his shoulder. "I can distract them if you like," she offers, using that voice that she always uses when she's up to something. He looks back to see her eyes glittering, but the bluish tinge underneath contradicts the magic within. Somehow he wonders if she's happy to have come with him or if this time together has only made her sadder. "Get your bag, Luke. I'll go flash the crowd." She winks and opens her car door as if she's really going to do this.

He grabs her arm quickly. "You don't have to come in," he says gently, receiving an arched eyebrow in response. He wants her to come with him. He needs to know that she's with him, her presence keeping him in control as he walks in the diner where half the town is eating dinner. She just cocks her head. He nods and grabs his bag out of the back seat. She smiles fondly and picks up his suit bag.

As they enter the diner and head right to the back towards the stairs, his eyes stay focused on the floor. To catch someone's gaze at this point would bring questions, some unnecessary, some unwanted. Instead, he just reaches back, blindly catching her wrist, and walks through the curtain up the stairs.

When he unlocks the door, they walk in both slowly gazing around the apartment, as if expecting it to have changed after their absence. Maybe it has. The last moment that they had been together in the room had been filled with grief and sorrow. He had been in the darkness and she had been the light trying to reach through, at least to open his eyes again. Now they are both in shades of grey, together in regret for the loss of his loved ones, for the separation from Gabriel, for the distance that remains between them.

Throwing himself into a chair at the kitchen table, dropping his bag at his feet, he heaves a sigh. She watches him with a critical eye, seeing that the grayish tone of his skin hadn't lessened, that the bags under his eyes have only become more pronouced, that, as he mindlessly unbuttons his flannel, his undershirt no longer clings to him as it once did. Still gorgeous though, just the way JFK Jr. had probably looked the day after Jackie's death. She wonders for a moment if Carolyn had been able to take her eyes off of him even that day, if she had been able to stray from his touch or his deep soulful eyes. Had it been Carolyn then? Or was he still with Daryl Hannah at the time?

During her ponderings, Luke's eyelids have grown heavy. "Oh sorry, Luke, I should let you get some sleep. You haven't been sleeping well lately," she realizes, biting her lower lip apologetically. He raises his eyes to her face, looking at her curiously. He thinks it's ridiculous that she can possibly consider that he's sleeping any worse now than he has since losing her. In reality, it has been her presence that has been the only alleviation during the night. "Can you make it?" she asks, glancing over to the bed. He nods in response.

Pushing his hands down on the edges of the chair, he pushes himself into an unsteady standing position. Yet even with his shaky posture, he still waves her hands away when she reaches to help him over to the bed. And now, again, she's wounded, troubled by the fact that he needs her there, he wants her there but he still won't let her in. She watches, frozen in place, as he stumbles to his bed, just losing his balance and crashing on the bed.

Even now, even after he's pushed her away over and over, she goes to him. Because he's still that little boy who laid his hand on his mother's casket and let loose the one tear he ever allowed himself to shed in front of his father. Because he's still the man who was so afraid that her mother was right and she really did belong with Christopher that he let her go, to keep from telling her how much she meant to him and how he couldn't live if he lost her by any fault but his own.

"Luke," she murmurs, sitting on the edge of the bed, tugging gently on the sleeve of his flannel. "Luke just let me…" Without verbally responding, he allows her to move his arms to help him take off the plaid shirt. "Pants are all you." As his fingers work on unbuttoning and removing his pants, she pulls the blankets down. Her eyes flick quickly down his body, allowing herself just this one moment to take in the heavenly creature stretched out before her.

He nestles his head into the pillow and all she can think is how adorable he looks. Just this sight of him makes her wonder how he ever got through his father's death. Who helped him to bed? Who made him eat? Who watched over him when he tried to draw away from the world and live eternally in his solitude? Though the name Anna flashes through her mind, she shakes her head quickly to return to the image before her.

"Lorelai," he mumbles into his pillow, his hand opening towards her. She pulls the blankets over him, tucking them tight around him like she had done for Rory when she was little. Her hand smoothes his hair back, running her fingers tenderly through the soft strands.

"Shh," she whispers, dropping a kiss onto the side of his head. "Go to sleep. Just rest Darling." He moans quietly, cozying himself in to sleep. She pets his head gently one more time, hoping that the light touch of her fingers will put his mind at ease. Leaning over his ear, she whispers, "I'll always be here."

Placing another kiss on the side of his head, she carefully gets up. Walking to the door, she pauses taking one last look at him. For a moment she wonders if this is the last time she'll see him like this, vulnerable and small, needing her to save him from whatever troubles his mind. She wishes she didn't need to see him like this to be able to be this close to him.


	6. Chapter 6

It almost feels odd, leaving her house this morning, knowing that the past few mornings she's woken up in his arms. So much so that she forgets where she put her keys, she has to go back for her coat (twice because the first time she forgot what she went back for) and it takes her twice as long as usual to find the matching pair of shoes that also match her outfit. So as she stumbles out of the house, finally ready to leave for work, she's not even surprised by the silver Prius pulling up. If things have to be so out of the ordinary, her daughter showing up the week before finals would coincide.

Flipping her hair out of her face, she watches Rory get out of the car. Her daughter, though like her in many ways, has such an extreme sense of giving, of understanding, of perceiving the appropriate response that Lorelai has never seen in herself. Maybe that comes from having to be the adult in their relationship for so many years. To Lorelai it seems that it's only since Rory went to college and Lorelai started dating Luke that she finally matured past her daughter.

"I thought you would be one with Kierkegaard by now," Lorelai teases as Rory reaches back in her car for her computer bag, settling it on her shoulder. Rory matches her mother's hair flip, squinting up at Lorelai as if looking into the sun. Lorelai is like the sun to her, she always has been the sun and the moon and her world. Even now, draped in misery, her mother with her pale skin striking against her dark locks seems to control the turn of the world. And yet, the shadows underneath her eyes cause Rory's heart to ache at the idea that Lorelai can still be this stalwart figure before her just months after her own Armageddon.

"You said you'd be home today. And Jess said the funeral is tomorrow so I just thought… maybe you'd like a little company," Rory suggests, her voice wavering as if unsure her mother wants her there. Lorelai walks down the steps, not taking her eyes off of Rory.

"Company, sure. A girl with her nose stuck in a book is not company," Lorelai responds with a wink. She grasps Rory's upper arms, looking down affectionately at her daughter. She can still see the little girl in Rory: the one who had a funeral for her caterpillar, who cried over the weeping willow, who almost burned down the house trying to make Lorelai breakfast in bed. Rory's looks may have changed, her hair done up, her face covered in makeup, her clothes in style, but deep inside she's still that little girl. "Oh Hun, I'm glad you came," Lorelai murmurs, pulling her daughter to her.

Rory wraps her arms around her mother, hugging her close. "Mom, you sure it went all right in New York?" Rory asks softly, ever the little protector. Lorelai drops her hands in an instant, stepping away from Rory, looking down, her hair falling in her face.

There was a time she would have let Rory in, she would have told Rory everything. She would have told Rory about her loves, her pains, her joys, and her sorrows. But Rory's grown up, and even though Rory's still her daughter, they're older, they're different. Rory loves that young, fresh, free, atmosphere. She loves to throw money around and live in the moment. Lorelai's far beyond that. She's learned that living in the moment can only leave you guessing on the future, hoping for what never may come, feeling like everything is just beyond your reach.

She can't let Rory in about Luke. He was the man that Rory had invited to her caterpillar's funeral. He was the man who took care of her when she was sick and Lorelai couldn't get out of work, who carted her mattress to Yale and all around the place, who gave her his mother's pearls for her 21st birthday as if she was his own daughter. Luke was the closest Rory had ever gotten to a step-father, he wasn't just another one of those men Lorelai slept with on the way. He was the man that Rory had loved and she can still remember the times that Rory whispered to her how with Luke around it finally felt like a family. No, she can't let Rory in about Luke.

Seeing Lorelai's retreat from her presence, Rory wishes she could put her words back her in mouth. She's been walking on eggshells ever since that night in May when Logan had left and her mother's life had come crashing down. Pushing won't work. Pushing will only drive her mother further from her and therefore further from the only person she's really opened up to lately.

"Are you off to work?" Rory finally asks, hoping that the change in subject will relieve the conflict in Lorelai's eyes. Lorelai nods.

"Yeah, took a few days off and I'm hoping that Michel hasn't tossed everyone out and locked it up for the entire time. I wouldn't put it past him," Lorelai gripes. Rory laughs, although with restraint. "I'm going to go get coffee first, want tag along?"

"For coffee? Do you have to ask?" Rory wonders with surprise. Lorelai smiles, but Rory can still sense the uncertainty that remains. "Sure, let me just throw my bag inside." Rory pats Lorelai's shoulder and walks inside the house. Lorelai doesn't watch her go. She folds her arms over her chest, her eyes drifting to the garage.

Ever since he revealed that Liz had died, she's been feeling a force from that garage, from the boat tucked safely inside. She remembers Luke pointing out his father's gravesite on their walk home after his uncle's funeral. The day after their engagement, she had searched out that gravestone again. She had told William that he had raised his son right, that he had grown into quite a man, that she would promise to cherish him and be true to him for always because that's what he deserved. After losing his mother and father, she had promised William that he'd never lose her as well, that he'd never have to go through that. And now he has lost her. And Liz. And possibly Gabriel as well.

"Mom?" Rory says softly, tugging gently on Lorelai's sleeve. "Mom, are you okay?" Lorelai nods, her expression still closed off.

"Rory, promise me that when you're my age you'll be able to say you lived your life without regrets. I think that's all I can hope for you anymore," Lorelai says softly, not looking over at Rory, who bites her lower lip, unsure of how to respond to this. Her mother's never seemed weak to her before, always the strength that's guided her throughout her life. But there's something about Luke, even when her mother had been with Luke, that had set free what's been hiding inside, the vulnerability she hid from the world for so long. "Come on, let's walk. Maybe it'll snow," Lorelai says, wrapping her hand around Rory's elbow and leading her daughter away, as if she never actually expected Rory to respond to her comment.

They walk to the diner, chatting as old friends about their lives while both try to stay off any topics dealing with the owner of the establishment they are about to enter. Sometimes they like to live in the charade that they're the mother and daughter that they always were. That Rory's the little town darling, living her life through her books and her mother's escapades. That Lorelai's the town beauty, finding excitement in the little things, the festivals, the movie nights with Rory, and driven by her desire to stay far away from her parents.

Something's changed. Not just Lorelai's break up with Luke. Not just Logan moving to London. Not just their fight when Rory dropped out of Yale. Something's changed. They've become different people. Lorelai is no longer content with just being Rory's mother. She wants more than that. Rory's gone. She's grown. All Lorelai wants now is that whole package, man, wife and child. She'd gladly move to Stepford in a heartbeat, if only to get what she yearns for, but only if that man was Luke. The one thing that this whole mess has taught her is that the only man she could ever see herself with is Luke.

"Hey Caesar, did you make the coffee or did Luke?" Rory asks as she and Lorelai shuffle into the diner.

"Luke came downstairs for only a minute, looked around and went back upstairs. I haven't seen him since. Is he sick or something?" Caesar asks as Lorelai's face falls, a pitying look coming over her as she presses her lips together.

"Hun, order me a coffee, I'll be right back," Lorelai says softly, patting Rory's arm as she walks back behind the curtain. Caesar watches Lorelai and then gives Rory a confused look.

"Did I say something wrong?" Caesar asks. Rory shakes her head.

"No, Luke's sister died," Rory tells him, walking over to the coffee pot. "Here, I'll do the coffees, you look like you need some help."

As Lorelai treads up the stairs, she's again reminded of her fear a few days ago. He had been a mysterious form to her then. She hadn't seen him in months. She didn't know how he felt about her. She had been afraid he would throw her out in a blind rage. As her hand reaches for the doorknob, she notices for the first time that the charms on her bracelet are shaking. She wonders when that happened, when the tremors began. Is it her age creeping up? Or is it the stress needing to find new way to let itself out?

She opens the door to find a scene she would have never expected. Luke is sitting in the middle of the floor with a few boxes and trinkets and papers all around him. There's a pencil positioned between his teeth but that doesn't seem to keep him from muttering to himself. Every once in awhile he'll withdraw the pencil and scratch something on the sheet of paper to his left. Then he'll shove it back against his teeth and lean over, flipping through the things again. She wonders what he was wearing when he walked into the diner being that now all he's wearing is a pair of sweatpants and what seems to be the first wrinkled t-shirt he could pull out of the drawer.

"Luke?" she calls softly, hoping that he's just been waiting to hear her voice. But he continues mutter to himself and shuffle through the items placed around him. She lets out a small sigh, taking her purse off of her shoulder and dropping it on the ground. Closing the distance between them, she squats down next to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. He jumps at the sudden contact. "What's all this?" she asks, as he takes the pencil out of his mouth, setting it next to him. He leans back and glances over at her, noticing her obvious work clothes. "The place explode around you?"

"Trying to write my sister's eulogy," he responds, giving her a look that speaks volumes. Liz was really something to him. He can deny it at as much as he wants. He can pretend that he wished she hadn't moved back to Stars Hollow. It wouldn't be the truth. His eyes hold the truth, that he's learned like Nicolas Cage did, that all he ever wanted was to be a family man.

In the end, Liz had gotten that, the family and he hadn't. She knew he had wanted it. He had bought that house, that big, giant, mausoleum of a house, for Lorelai, for their children, for their family. She wonders if she was the one left with that dream in the end.

"You sure you want to do that? I mean, you could get Jess to do that. Make him promise not to include the more salacious memories," she says, attempting to make a small joke, lighten the mood a little. Luke shrugs. "Come on. Take a break. Rory's downstairs." She rubs his arm, trying to get him off the floor so he can take a break from his depression for a small while. He lazily rubs a hand over his face, attempting to clear the fog from his brain. Then he blinks a few times, taking her in again.

"Rory?" he mumbles, not sure if he's heard her correctly. She gives him a tightlipped smile as she nods.

"She's looking forward to seeing the bright smiley Luke face she always remembers," Lorelai kids.

"She have Alzheimer's or something?" Lorelai lets out a soft chuckle, melodious sounds that seem to clear the air, lighten the mood, more than anything he's tried in the past few days. That's why he fell in love with her. She could always do that, just free him from the sadness that engulfs him, and so easily at that, and yet somehow she had become a part of that misery, that's why his head can no longer follow his heart.

"Come on, get up Lucas!" she demands, wrapping her hand around her arm as if helping him get up.

"When did you become a drill sergeant?" he groans, adjusting his clothes. She just grins, her hands settling on her hips as she glances over the things on the floor. He follows her gaze and shrugs. "It's mostly done. I've got an appointment with a lawyer in an hour. Thank your parents for me." Her mouth drops open.

"You – you called my parents?" she asks in shock. He shrugs.

"Well it was easier than Anthony Gonzalez." She rolls her eyes.

"Well now you're Mister Happy Joke-Funny Man, aren't you?"

"They got me a lawyer to ensure I get custody of Gabriel," he tells her, ignoring her side comment.

"That's what you want?" He nods.

"That's what I want."

"You know the Rolling Stones said that you don't always get what you want."

"He's also what I need," he answers with determination in his voice. Her lips part slightly as if she's about to respond with a quip and then something in his expression gives her pause.

"Is he all you need?" she asks and then quickly intakes a breath as if trying to bring the words back. But they're out there and she knows he heard them when his face goes lax. Thinking before speaking has never been her strong suit, and it remains the fault that buries her time and again. "Forget it," she says, with a quick shake of her head. "Just forget it." He heaves a big sigh.

"Lorelai…" he utters, as if saying her name means exactly what he's trying to say. There's something pleading in his expression, but she's not sure what he wants from her. All she wants is for him to let her hold him close, just hold him until all his fear and pain slips away. But he won't let her, not during the day, not when it's light out and it would mean that he actually wants her close. During the night it's okay because he can say he was half asleep, he can say he just needed to be able to get to sleep, because he doesn't have to look her in the eye. All is different in the light.

"Get dressed, I'll be downstairs with Rory. And please make some coffee before you go, Caesar's tastes like prune juice," she crabs, pleased when even Luke gets a sour look on his face with that idea. He nods. She nods back and walks to the door.

"Lorelai," he says softly and she stops, facing away from him, her hand still on the door. "You will go to the funeral with me?" She hears the smallness in his voice, the little boy in him still ready to weep at his mother's funeral, and it breaks her heart. She can't believe that she could even hesitate not to give in to his request. It's as if he's answering her unanswered question with unspoken words.

She glances over her shoulder at him, seeing the helplessness exhibited in his posture and expression. "I'll come by and pick you up at nine o'clock tomorrow," she responds softly and relief washes over him.

"Thank you," he barely gets out, a lump forming in his throat. He clears his throat. "I'll be down in a minute." She nods again and walks out. Maybe he does need her after all. Maybe things are changing. Maybe the only good thing that might come out of Liz's death will be an understanding between the two of them. Until she knows the answers, she'll be there for him, just as he always was for her.


	7. Chapter 7

When she opens the door to the apartment of the diner the next morning, she finally realizes she should stop guessing what position she's going to find him in every time she walks in. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, his black dress pants on, a white shirt over his shoulders but still unbuttoned, and there's no undershirt beneath it. His hair is still mussed as she remembers it from his drowsy state in the early morning and his face holds more than a five o'clock shadow's worth of hair.

Hearing a quiet gulp beside her, she remembers the presence of her daughter to her right. Rory's gaze is fixed on Luke, her mouth open, her eyes wide, her face paler if that's possible. Lorelai realizes that Rory hasn't really seen Luke since Liz's death, at least not the way she's seen Luke: miserable and tenacious.

"Hey," Lorelai says to her daughter, placing a hand on Rory's upper arm. "Why don't you head over without us? I'll see if I can't get Sloppy, the 8th dwarf, dressed and ready and meet you there?" Rory nods slowly, not removing her eyes from Luke, still in shock from how different he seems from the man she always knew as Luke Danes. Sure, he had always been the gruff, hermit-like guy, but Rory had always known deep down there was so much more. He had always been there for her and her mom. Calling him an 'old softy' had never been just a joke to her. "Rory?" Lorelai says softly.

"Okay," Rory finally responds, with a glance up at Lorelai. "You sure?" For a moment, Lorelai is confused and then realizes that Rory's asking if she'll be okay with Luke. She just gives her daughter a small tight-lipped smile.

"Go," Lorelai says softly. Rory nods and walks back down the stairs. Lorelai's eyes trail back to Luke, who is methodically running his black socks through his hands. She walks stiffly over to stand in front of him, her hands on her waist as she looks down at him. "Now I know the rumpled look is in, but I don't think you want to go all stylish to your sister's funeral."

He slowly lifts his face, his eyes settling on hers. She wonders for a moment if he can recall why he started getting dressed at all or if he's just lost in a fog right now. With a slight tap of her foot, she turns on her heel, walking over to his dresser and retrieving a white undershirt. Tossing it at him, she considers him for a moment. "Put on the shirt. I might be the only one there who will appreciate you walking in with your shirt open like that." She walks into the bathroom, hearing sounds of Luke shuffling around behind her.

"What are you doing?" she hears him ask gruffly.

"I'm going to shave you."

"Aw, Lorelai, I don't need you to." She walks out of the bathroom with a cup full of water, his razor and shaving cream in her hands.

"Yes you do." She sets the supplies on the floor by his feet.

"I'm not a little kid."

"Did you have to shave when you were a little kid? Cuz then you were one hairy kid."

"Lorelai…" he groans. She ignores his protestations and puts some shaving cream into her hands, kneeling in front of him and wiping it over his face.

"Just let me do this Luke or it's going to end up looking like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre went on on your face," she warns. He sighs and she knows he's given in. It had always been this easy to get him to do what she wanted. At least with the small things. When it came to the bigger things: April, marriage, that was another story.

"So I met with the lawyer yesterday," he says, changing the subject, another one of his signs that he's given in to what ever she's wanted. She smiles to herself, picking up the razor.

"Yeah, what did he say?"

"He said that it did not help that there's no actual Lorelai Danes." She takes a deep breath, focusing on her work, keeping her mind from traveling to less satisfying topics. "He said that I could file for custody alone but then so could Dawn and she would probably win being a woman."

"But you're his uncle."

"Yes, but she's a woman."

"But he spent more time with you and Liz wanted him with you."

"Yes, but she's a woman." She shakes her head.

"I never realized that sexism sometimes works out better for women," she mutters. She draws the razor away from his face, knowing he's going to chuckle in response and he does. They sit in silence for a moment, Lorelai finishing one side of his face and moving onto the other. "Did he say there was anything that would help your situation?" Noticing movement, she glances down to see his fingers making tense movements over his knee and she knows he's afraid to respond. He'll do it in his own time, she knows. So she goes back to shaving him.

"He said it would help if there actually was a Lorelai Danes," he finally says, startling her. She yanks her hand back and he yelps with the feel of the blades slicing into his cheek. "Ow!" His hand flies to the side of his face as a drop of red trickles down.

"Oh, Luke, I-! I'm sorry!" she exclaims, jumping up and tripping in her heels over to the dresser to grab a few tissues. Kneeling down she tries to pull his hand away from his face. "Here let me."

"You just tried to kill me!"

"It's a small cut, Whiner! And I'm trying to stop the bleeding so you don't have to wear a band-aid to the service." He shakes his head but moves his hand to allow her to press the tissues against his face.

"Because having my face unshaven would be so much worse than a giant band-aid," he mutters. She glares at him, keeping her hand pressed to his face.

In the silence she lets her gaze drift down to her feet. He watches her face, knowing she's thinking about what he said a moment before. It was a bad choice either way: losing Gabriel or telling her than he needs her to be with him to have Gabriel. In the end, he had chosen to do whatever it took to keep Gabriel.

"There, you're all better now," she says softly, pulling her hand away from his face. She stands, taking a deep breath.

"Lorelai…" She holds up a hand to let him know she wants to speak first and he lets her because, after all, he's the one who is asking more from her.

"When you say that. When you said what the lawyer said…" She shakes her head and walks towards the door and then glances back at him. "Luke, are you asking me to marry you?" He visibly swallows. She nods. "Put the shirt on and meet me downstairs." Without allowing him a chance to respond she walks out, not wanting to actually hear him ask her what she had once asked him in great hope for the future, a future that had shattered around them leaving them in gaping hole they might never crawl out of.

She waits for him out in front of the diner, pulling her coat tight around her as she tries to forget the conversation that just went on upstairs. How much more can he ask of her before she's given him everything she's got?

Within the next few minutes, he walks out of the diner, running a hand through his hair as he glances over at her. With a nod, they begin to walk towards the church. The silence that perpetuates between the two speaks volumes more than any actual words they could have said.

Arriving in front of the church, Lorelai moves to walk over to where Rory stands but Luke grabs her wrist pulling her back. She gives him a confused look, to which he responds with a nod at Dawn who is approaching them with Gabriel in her arms. Stopping in front of the two, she gives them a hard look. "I've been informed that you two have filed to get temporary custody," Dawn says simply, not even trying to hide the fact that she's not pleased. Lorelai glances up at Luke, confused about why Dawn seems to be insinuating that Lorelai had something to with it. But Luke's ashamed expression explains everything.

"I'll take him," Luke grunts, not wanting to actually respond to Dawn's statement. Dawn rolls her eyes but allows Luke to take Gabriel into his arms. Lorelai reaches over and helps adjust the blanket around the boy so that he's more comfortable. Luke moves his hand over to do the same. Their hands touch with a spark of electricity that is apparent to both of them. Lorelai's eyes fly open in response to the sensation, their eyes locking, searching to see if the other has noticed the remaining attraction. "I was going to tell you," he mutters to her. Her parted lips close, a cross expression on her face.

She whips her head up, stepping away from him, wanting to run off, wanting to leave him to try to get through this himself. How can he possibly think it's okay to make these decisions for her? She's still stuck on the idea that not more than five minutes ago the man she was once engaged to proposed to her out of sheer need for a signed certificate to allow him custody of his nephew. What could possibly be going through his mind? As she glances over at him, watching him adjust the blanket around Gabriel, all of his focus on the boy and it comes to her.

His mind is filled with a vast allotment of memories of Liz and his parents and possibly even the good times with her. These past few days have been nothing more than her pushing him from place to place as he tries to sort out the recollections in his mind. Reality is a mysterious thing to him. Nothing has been real except the moments that he has held the little boy in his arms. It's all that has mattered and he would do anything to keep that feeling forever. She knows that he hadn't even realized what this meant to her until he actually had to open his mouth and tell her.

"Don't think that this doesn't mean I won't be filing for custody. After all, we both know that there's no such person as Lorelai Danes. That boy needs a mother, he needs to be with family. In Amherst he'll have me and all of TJ's family. Who will he have here? The two of you and your illegitimate children?" Dawn asks spitefully, her lips twisting in a bitter manner. There's something about this woman, something kind, something good, that Lorelai can't quite put her finger on. She does know that Dawn isn't trying to keep Gabriel out of hatred for Liz or Luke but because she truly believes what she is saying. How could Lorelai not identify with Dawn? All she had ever wanted was what was best for Rory, even if irrational.

She notices Luke's face going red in response to Dawn's rant and grabs onto his upper arm. "Come on, this isn't the time or place of for this," she tells him and half-pulls him behind her into the church. Luke walks along behind her to their seats in the front pew next to Jess and, on the other side of them, Rory.

The ceremony is solemn but not quite as stiff as TJ's had been. Lorelai half-listens, half-watches Luke during the entire service. Luke seems out of it, distantly tracing a finger up and down Gabriel's arm as the preacher talks, and her heart goes out to him. Finally the preacher invites Luke up to give the eulogy. Without question, he hands his nephew over to Lorelai.

Without a second thought, she focuses completely on the small child in her arms. It's amazing to her that a week ago she hadn't even known of the existence of this boy, but within moments of holding him for the first time, she had fallen for him. Maybe it was his smile, so like Luke's, so warm and reserved. Maybe it was the way his eyes held her, making it seem as if he trusted her so completely, without question. To her, he was the most precious baby she had ever held other than her own and she knew that even if she never saw him again, she'd never forget him.

Recognizing Luke's voice in the background, she glances up at him, to catch the rest of his eulogy. "And I – I was trying to think of what to say about my sister that wouldn't make her seem to be nothing more than a woman who had never gotten it together until the last few months of her life. So I searched through some old papers I had and I found this." He reaches into the breast pocket of his suit jacket and unfolds a piece of paper. "It's an essay she wrote in uh… third grade I believe. Here it says the topic is to write about your hero. Most people I'm sure would write about their parents or someone famous or Albert Einstein or Jackie Robinson. I would have written about Lou Gerhig. But not Liz. She had to be different. And because I can think of nothing else to say, I'm going to read it. My brother. By Elizabeth Anne Danes. I should point out that I think she could have been a little more creative with the title." The attendees laugh, but Lorelai can see his joke is a way to stay focused, to keep himself from completely losing it.

"My brother is my hero because he's my brother. When my mom was sick, my brother was there for me. When I stayed home and my dad was at work, my brother would give up going to his baseball games to stay with me. He made me dinner. He makes some of the best chili out there and he keeps trying these great lasagna recipes. My brother he-" Luke pauses to swallow hard, a lump forming in his throat. From her short distance away, Lorelai can see the paper shaking from the tremor of his hands. "He's always there for me even – even" Luke wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand but Lorelai can see a tear trickling down. She can see him taking in huge gulps of air, anything to try to get through this. He opens his mouth to go on but no sound comes out. "Eve-" he tries again with no avail.

"Rory, here take the baby," Lorelai whispers, putting Gabriel in Rory's arms, not realizing that Rory really has no idea how to hold a child. Lorelai is instantly at Luke's side, wrapping a hand around his elbow. Her other hand reaches for the paper, to hold it still. "Would you like me to finish?" she offers, her lips just an inch from his ear. His only response is a slight nod. She pulls the paper and subsequently his hand closer to her, laying her head on his shoulder to comfort him as she finishes.

"He's always there for me even when I'm mean to him. He's there even when I get in trouble. He's there even when he could be doing other things. He's there even when no one else is. Underneath it all, my brother loves me, completely. That's why he's my hero. There's no one else like Luke Danes. I only wish he knew that," Lorelai finishes quietly. She can recall the first time she met Liz, when Liz had told Lorelai how much she looked up to her brother, how much he meant to her. They had both commiserated over the fact that Luke was always the one to pull them out of their crazy jams. She couldn't have made it all these years without him and she, like Liz, only wishes he knew that.

When she's done reading, she tries to pull Luke back to their seats but he just wraps his arms around her, crying softly into her shoulder. He's doing what Luke Danes has never done, letting go in public. Maybe that's all it took, just the idea of losing everything he's ever cared about that can make a man do things he never thought he could do. As she holds him close, she glances back over her shoulder at the small child in her daughter's arms. How can she force him to give up the one thing he's got left in the world because of her pride? Why can't she just let go and do this for him, because it's what he needs? After what she did to him, breaking his trust, being unfaithful to his love, he deserves this one small allowance from her.

He probably deserves much more. After all, he had done nothing to earn her act of infidelity.


	8. Chapter 8

She lies there with her arms crossed behind her head, staring up at the ceiling, the light of the early morning streaming through the windows. Nothing seems certain anymore. There's nothing that seems very bad and nothing that seems very good. Nothing seems certain. Spending these hours thinking it through in her mind doesn't seem to affect the fact that her whole life has become one giant muddled catastrophe. But still, she has Luke, and at least he's in her life in some way now. So how much of a catastrophe could it be?

After the funeral, Lorelai had made sure that Luke was okay with just Jess by his side before grabbing Rory and heading home. Still without a car seat, Luke had agreed to allow Dawn to take Gabriel just one last time and he would pick up the baby in New York the next day after Liz's burial. But she couldn't wait, she didn't want to have to watch him hand over his nephew again. She didn't want to have to see that look on his face. She needed time to think things over and she couldn't do that with that face in her head.

Rory had made coffee and they had sat at the kitchen table in silence, sipping their coffee, both lost in their own thoughts. "Logan's coming to visit in a week," Rory informed her and then pressed her lips together waiting for a response. The only reaction from Lorelai was a slight bob of her head as she sipped her coffee, her eyes glazed over. "Mom?" Rory called softly, hoping that her voice was enough to draw Lorelai out of her stupor. But clearly, it was not. She reached out and touched Lorelai's wrist softly, startling her mother.

"Oh Rory!" Lorelai gasped, reaching around Rory's head and pulling the top of her daughter's head to her lips. Rory slid her hand from Lorelai's wrist to her hand and squeezed it comfortingly. She watched Lorelai take a noticeable deep breath. "You thinking about Liz?" Lorelai's head wagged back and forth. "You thinking about Luke?" After a moment, Lorelai's head nodded up and down.

With a sigh, Lorelai looked over at her daughter. "Luke wants custody of Gabriel, his nephew, and in her will, Liz requested that Mr. and Mrs. Luke and Lorelai Danes be Gabriel's guardians," Lorelai explained, watching her daughter's face carefully. As could have been predicted, Rory's eyebrows raised and her mouth dropped open in shock. "Yeah take that, process for a couple days and you'll be close to where I am." Rory looked away, shaking her head and then suddenly paused in her movements, looking back at Lorelai curiously.

"But there is no Lorelai Danes," Rory realized. Lorelai nodded glumly.

"Ain't that the truth." Rory squeezed Lorelai's hand again.

"So what does that mean?" Rory asked. Lorelai sighed.

"According to his lawyer it amounts to a whole lotta nothing, like the points on Whose Line Is It Anyway," Lorelai grumped. "The lawyer said that TJ's cousin Dawn could easily get custody as she is a woman and can use her wile ways to hypnotize the judge. And he said that besides getting a sex change, which might not work because that would be weird, that there's only one thing that might give Luke the upper hand."

"Please tell me it's not felonious," Rory urged. Lorelai cracked a small smile and rubbed Rory's arm.

"He said it would help if there really was a Mrs. Lorelai Danes." Rory sat back in her chair, taking a moment to comprehend what her mother is saying. "And barring you marrying him, and by the way that's not an option because it's making me nauseous just thinking about it…" Rory quickly grabbed Lorelai's wrist.

"I get it," Rory insisted loudly, wanting to stop her mother's nauseating ramblings. Lorelai nodded and then let out a deep sigh. "So what are you going to do?" Lorelai shrugged.

"He asked me to marry him. Rory, Luke asked me to marry him. How can I say no? How can I say no when that's all I've ever wanted?" Lorelai moaned, dropping her head into her hands. "This is so wrong! I love him Rory. I love him. And I want to be with him but I hurt him. I destroyed him. And I don't deserve him. But there he is, asking me to marry him, and I know it's only so that he can get custody of Gabriel, but it's still marriage to Luke. I mean, shouldn't I just be happy with that?" Rory had a concerned look on her face as Lorelai finished.

"Is that what you want your marriage to Luke to be based on?" Lorelai shrugged. "Mom, I'm not going to push you in either direction, this is your decision to make, and yours alone, just make sure the reasons for your decision are the correct ones." As Lorelai pondered Rory's comment, they heard the front door open and close.

"Lorelai!" came Luke's familiar call as they heard his heavy footsteps tread on the wooden floor of the living room. Lorelai could feel her face flush with excitement, her body glowing with just the idea of Luke back in her house, where she knew he belonged. Though her mind tried to fight off the thoughts, she couldn't help but hope that this whole process would make Luke realize how much she loved him, how much she missed him, and how wretched she felt over what she had done to them and what they had become.

He walked into the kitchen to find Lorelai and Rory staring up him, expectant looks on their faces. "You know, I think I'll go see Lane before I go back to New Haven," Rory said, knowing that neither of them were really listening to her and also that neither would make a move until she was out of the room. Silently, she kissed the side of Lorelai's head, grabbed her purse and walked out the back door, leaving Luke and Lorelai in their locked gaze.

"Okay," she whispered after a moment, knowing that the pleading look in Luke's eyes helped her to reach this decision suddenly. She watched as he visibly took a breath and slowly she stands, nodding slowly. The length of time it took him to respond gave her pause, making her wonder if this was what he was really asking.

She felt his fingers, slowly feeling hers out, his hands moving to clasp hers. "Thank you," he said in that gruff voice that he always used when he was truly grateful but didn't want to make it apparent how much it meant to him.

"I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for Gabriel. Because, God knows why, but I love that child already. And I want to do right by him, just like you do. And I can see it, as well as I can see those weird magic eye pictures that Rory could never see, that he needs you," Lorelai said with emotion behind every word. She cocked her head, her misty eyes looking at him with sympathy, pursing her lips. "And you need him."

He leaned his head back as if sizing her up. "And I need…. him," he finally repeated. How much he needed her as well was left unsaid, but he knew it was true. The sun gleamed in through the window, reflecting a shine in her eyes that made her so utterly gorgeous, he was forced to look down in order to keep himself from recognizing the guilty pang in his heart. Staring down, he noticed the shine on his watch and slowly sighed. "I have to go," he said, looking back up at her regretfully. "I have to go to New York to bury… you know…" She nodded understandably.

"Luke, I can't go," she said apologetically. He nodded.

"I figured. I'm going to take April and Jess so I'll have them there." He saw her draw back before he actually physically felt it, her hands leaving the warmth of his.

"It's just that I have the inn, you know. I've taken a lot of time off." She bit her lower lip in the way she always did when she wasn't feeling right with what was happening. "But if you really need me to, I'll go." He shook his head.

"No," he responded hoarsely and cleared his throat. "No." She nodded and looked down and he knew she was trying to hide that she was upset. In his long vacation from Stars Hollow after their breakup in May, he had spent most of the time rethinking what had gone wrong and the only thing that he had figured out was that she had been making that face more often. At the time he had pushed it to the back of his mind, thinking it had nothing to do with him, hoping she would just open up to him as she always had. Maybe it was time to consider that she didn't think she could.

He reached out and grasped her upper arms and waited for her to look up at him. "Lorelai, I'm not saying you shouldn't go because I'm taking April. You can come if you want. You don't know how much it meant – how much I needed… I couldn't have made it this far without you there by my side." Audibly her breath caught in her throat, the corners of her eyes narrowing. "Okay?" She nodded. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her hairline, her eyes closing with the amazing feeling that both terrified her and made her heart fly.

With that he dropped his hands and began to walk away. "Luke," she called after a moment, her voice surprisingly strong. He turned and looked at her. She cocked her head, giving him that steadying look she had. "I'm just a phone call away." It relieved her to see him smile in response.

He walked back to her, taking her hand and flipping it over, he placed a key in it. She looked down at it confused. "The key to Liz's place. There's some things – I don't know – a cradle – just… things, you know?" She stared at it and slowly lifted her eyes to match his, her heart beating rapidly. He was letting her in, not just into Liz's house, but back into his life. Baby steps, she reminded herself.

"I'll take care of it," she promised. He closed his hand over hers then and gave hers a light squeeze.

"Thank you," he said sincerely and turned and walked away.

That was all it had taken, one word 'okay' and suddenly she is back where she had been six months ago: engaged to Luke. But it's different this time, she's almost sure of it. And she wonders if they would have ever fixed this without Gabriel. How can she… and the phone rings startling out of her ponderings. She sighs and reaches over and picks up the phone on her bedside table. She shakes her head, clearing her mind before she speaks. "Hello?"

"Lorelai?" comes the voice over the phone that she knows so well. The same voice that she had once dreaded the sound of but lately seemed to be her one comfort. How things change when your life falls apart.

"Mom," Lorelai responds, more as a statement than anything else.

"Oh it's so surprising to hear your voice. You never call. I never hear from you," Emily complains. Lorelai rolls her eyes and shakes her head.

"I talk to you all the time Mom. I see you every Friday. I talk to you in-between. Would you like me to channel you as well?" Lorelai asks sarcastically.

"But I didn't see you last Friday, did I?" Emily notes. Lorelai knows that Emily knows full well why she didn't go to dinner on Friday. She'll never figure out why she lets her mother play this game with her. Why does she let Emily in when she knows Emily's only pretending to understand her? "In fact, I haven't talked to you in a week. But I talked to your ex-fiancé not more than a day ago." Lorelai bites her lower lip fully at the word 'ex-fiancé', her fingers clutch the phone so tightly her knuckles are turning white.

"He's not my… he's um…" Lorelai closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. How on earth is she going to explain this to her mother when she can't even explain it to herself? "Mom, you know why I didn't…" She sighs. "About the lawyer you got for Luke…"

"Oh Lord, I thought I gave him the number of one that was still alive. He made you call me about that?" Lorelai rolls her eyes again, shaking her head.

"No Mom, I'm sure he's alive. At least, I hope he is, otherwise Luke's got bigger problems than I thought." Lorelai smiles to herself. "Actually the lawyer was really helpful. It's just that he told Luke that the only way he thinks Luke could get custody of Gabriel is if we were married."

Lorelai sits up in bed as she waits for Emily's reply which doesn't seem to come. "Is this an after the fact kind of phone call?" Emily finally asks. Lorelai furrows her eyebrows, lost as to what her mother is insinuating.

"After the fact?"

"You already married him didn't you? And now you're calling to ask for a wedding present!" Lorelai huffs at this.

"No, Mom, you called me, remember?" She takes a deep breath. "No, I haven't married him, yet. But he's not, what you would call, my ex-fiancé anymore." She can already feel her mother's disappointment through the phone.

"I cannot believe you Lorelai. After all he put you through, now you're just willing to cave and marry him because he's finally ready?"

"He put me through? I cheated on him!"

"Yes, you did, and it's not that I think that was a good idea, but you had already told me that you thought it was over. You had already told me that you didn't think you two would get married. So in your mind, you two had already broken up," Emily insists. Lorelai frowns, her index finger tracing patterns on the white bedspread. "Isn't that true Lorelai?" She sighs.

"Yes, but it was still cheating. And I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it for Gabriel. You should meet this child, even you would melt at the sight of him. He's so… just so… I mean the moment he was in my arms I fell for him, almost as quickly as the first time I held Rory."

"But Rory is your real child," Emily reminds her.

"Yes, and soon Gabriel will also be my real child," Lorelai responds, with an emphasis on the word 'real'.

"And Luke knows that you love this child and he's using that to make you live in second rate status just so you can have what you think you always wanted," Emily snaps and with this Lorelai's done with this conversation.

"Mom!" Lorelai shouts, jumping off the bed. "I want to be a mother to Gabriel. I'll be a great mother to him. And Luke, he needs Gabriel so much, just as Gabriel needs him. I'm 38 years-old, I don't need your input on my life. So is there anything else, Ann Landers, or can I go now?"

"Lorelai, I'm going to say one thing and then I'm not going to say anymore."

"Okay Mayella, as unbelievable as that sounds, I'm going to hesitantly allow you to continue," Lorelai concedes, instantly regretting her words.

"You claim to be happy about the changes you're making in your life. Marrying this man. Adopting this boy. But before you make this life-changing decision, remember that when Christopher proposed just after you gave birth to his child, you said no, despite the fact it was exactly what Rory needed. But now you've decided to marry Luke because it's what this child needs. I'd be interested to hear what your daughter and Christopher think of this," Emily states and hangs up before Lorelai can even process her mother's statement. With a groan of anger, she tosses the phone back onto the bed.

"Mr. Hyde returns again," she mutters. She purses her lips and taps her foot. Folding her arms across her chest she walks out into the hallway and down to the doorway of the sewing room. Staring in, she glances around the room and she can see it in her mind. In one corner the cradle. Over there can be the changing table. The walls will be that cerulean she had decided against for the outside of the house. And the curtains on the window will have little blue trucks on them.

She smiles to herself, gazing over at the window. In the morning, just after his feeding, she'll open up the blinds. Luke will hand her the baby and she'll hold him over by the window. Her husband will come up behind her and put his arms around her middle, just under where she cradles their son, resting his head against her hair. In this short instant, it no longer seems like a faint dream she might never grasp, but a possible reality for the not so distant future. And in this moment, she's content.


	9. Chapter 9

Grabbing her morning coffee, which at this point is practically an afternoon coffee, Lorelai plods into the living room, picking up the remote and flicking on the TV. The sounds and animations of whatever is on don't affect her as her mind is in another place completely. Over and over she keeps hearing the disapproving voice of her mother and the guarded tones of her daughter. What do they know? How can they possibly understand that love has no bounds? Her daughter is 22, the closest she's ever come to an honest to God dilemma is her desertion from the road she was supposed to be on to Yale, journalism and the life Lorelai could never have. Her mother at the age of 63 has lived the high society life where her daily decision of what doily to line her plate with causes her more grief than true real life problems. How can they possible attempt to pass judgment over her own actions?

She feels caught. Months ago, even years ago, she had decided that it was Luke she wanted. That was it. He was the beginning and end to all her dreams. So when she had betrayed him, she had let herself down as well. She would have done anything and everything just to undo her mistake, just to undo the act she had committed on the night when her soul had fled, her mind stopped working, her emotions took over and she broke from reality. It was never about Luke versus Christopher. It was never about her wanting Luke to place her on a pedestal and make her his whole world. It was never about that. It was about her wanting her fiancé to give her exactly what she deserved, to stop looking past her to everyone else, to recognize her sadness and grief, to express his love for her in any way but the occasional mention of her title as his fiancé.

Her front door opens and slams shut, making her jump out of her skin. She leaps to her feet to find April standing in her living room holding a large box in her small arms. "April," she gasps, never having imagined an occasion that the girl would ever be allowed in her house. Luke walks in the house then carrying Gabriel in his arms, a baby bag slung over his shoulder. It's just one of those times when she's not sure if she should break out in hysterical laughter or cry. She chooses the former as the sight of Luke holding a baby, playing Mister Mom, is only one she had seen in her dreams of him with their own son or daughter. "What's this?" she finally manages though her laughter, trying to ignore Luke's mystified expression.

"I'm helping Dad move in," April announces as if it were the most normal thing in the world. Lorelai uses all her might not to let her mouth drop open in response. Move in? He's moving in? Wait, did she say Dad? Lorelai looks up at Luke with surprise and he nods, as if reading her mind. "He said that he wasn't particular about the arrangement of the boxes, which I told him was a completely inappropriate way to pack. See I've learned that the best way to pack is to properly categorize the boxes, make sure similar items go with similar items, that way it relieves the burden of unpacking and not knowing where you packed certain items, such as the box cutter, leaving you to hunt around for a giant Jason-like knife only used the story _The Most Dangerous Game_." Lorelai nods along, trying to hang onto every word that skips over the 13 year old's tongue. Though she herself is a fast talker, she's never dealt with the likes of this sort, mixing the speed of words with mensa-like knowledge and pop culture references.

"Ah," is all Lorelai can manage, feeling like the village idiot. April glances from her father to Lorelai.

"Well I'm going to go get another box, that way hopefully I can stay long enough to organize this stuff because there's no way you want to attempt the catastrophe that is Dad's packing," April says, turning to talk away but then she pauses and glance over her shoulder. "Oh, I should probably say, and I'm not sure of the politically correctness involved here, but hey you seem like the Bill Maher sort so, I'm glad that you and Dad have worked things out. I think I'm going to like you two being married and having Gabriel around full time. I think it'll be nice."

Lorelai's words fail her as she manages a smile. April just nods and skips out of the house. Lorelai gives herself a moment to let her eyes travel from the floor up to Luke's face, taking the time to process all the information she's received in the last minute. "You're moving in?" she asks without emotion, not wanting to reveal whether she is happy or annoyed by this change.

"I thought… I mean if we're going to do this right. I just… I told her we were getting married and I realized that we'd have to live together for the caseworker from the court to believe it at all. So, I mean, it's what has to be done, right?"

"Right," she croaks out in response, unable to tell him how it hurts that he'll move in to put up this pretense of a marriage when towards the end of their engagement he had preferred to sleep in his own apartment. Not that it bothers her, putting together this sham of a marriage, she knows they're doing it for Gabriel, she knows that the boy belongs with them. But he didn't even call her. He didn't even ask if he should move in. He just shows up with his life's worth in boxes along with the daughter he kept her from.

Numbly she nods, her eyes lowering to the ground, unable to look at him any longer. "Here, you set up the room?" he asks. She nods and takes Gabriel. "April and I will unpack if you want to introduce Gabriel to his new room." He turns and walks out, leaving her in the house, surrounded by the boxes that signify his invasion of the life she had attempted to create without him. An empty house. A half empty bedroom. A still kitchen. Losing him meant losing more than her lover, it meant losing the partner in her life, because, in fact, without actually signing the marriage license, they actually had created a joined life in her house. It was something she had never realized and she's not sure if he had either. As they saying goes, you don't know what you've got till it's gone. How true. The complete awful, horrible, disgusting truth.

* * *

A few days later, the courtroom is in a tense state. Those sitting in various places around the courtroom are sweating due to either their upcoming case or the fact that the heater has decided the room should feel like the inside of a volcano. She sits in the wooden chair that was designated to her almost an hour before, her hand clutching the edge of the table, her knuckles turning white from the fear within her. She's not sure why she's feeling this way, but she knows she's afraid of something.

"Gentleman and Ladies, please!" the judge shouts, banging his gavel in the process. The loud sounds of the wooden gavel hitting the wooden lectern in front of him only serve to make the pain in her head pound harder. She can feel Luke's eyes on her but she can't look at him, something deep inside her feels like it's curling up and dying. This feeling of her being irreparably torn apart is only becoming obvious to her right now, but she wonders if this is what she's felt all along. "I'm tired and we've been going round and round on this for an hour now. So I'm going to stop you now." There are annoyed sighs from both Luke's lawyer and Dawn's lawyer.

Both return to their seats next to their employers and Luke's lawyer assures him with a pat on the arm. Luke turns to give a hopeful smile to Lorelai but notices her eyes still focused on her hands on the table in front of her. All he really wants to do is drag her out in the hall and make her tell him what's wrong, but clearly that is not an option at this point in time. So instead he just silently takes her left hand in his right, putting a small pressure on her hand to remind her that he's there. He can feel her move her head slightly and knows she's staring at their clasped hands, but the fact that she doesn't move her hand, doesn't even give a hint that she'd like to, is a comfort to him.

"I'm placing a case worker in charge of the case, who will visit both homes and report back to me a recommendation on where the child would be better suited. For the moment, I'm placing temporary custody of one, Gabriel Lucas Matthews, with his uncle, Mr. Danes, and Ms. Gilmore. We will return again to this matter in one month's time," the judge orders, banging his gavel. Luke's breath catches in his throat, just hearing the firm words from the judge's mouth. Gabriel is his. Well, his and Lorelai's. Only temporary, but there it is, it's the first step.

His lawyer stands so Luke feels like he must as well and uses their interlocked hands to pull Lorelai to her feet with him. "Well that's a start," his lawyer, Hal Coffer, claims with one of those grins on his face that means he's more proud to have won than that Luke and Lorelai have gotten temporary custody of Gabriel. So Luke just nods, knowing that Mr. Coffer's reward will be the giant check he'll be writing the man come the end of this trial. "I'll call you after I speak to the judge and case worker with the details. Until then, you can pick up Gabriel where you left him." With that, Mr. Coffer picks his suit jacket up off the chair, grabs his suit jacket, nods to Lorelai and walks out.

Though he would like to go pick up his nephew, the warmth of Lorelai's hand in his reminds him that, for the moment, she comes first. He turns to her, trying to coax her with a smile, but receives no response. "He's ours Lorelai. We're one step closer," he says softly, his voice causing her to look over at him, but her eyes are unreadable. No longer are they open to him as he's seen in this whole past week. They're closed off. She's closed off. Which can only mean she's trying to hide something from him.

But before he can say anything more to comfort her, he hears a noise of someone bumping up against the table. His eyes land on her perfect manicured fingernails and he quickly glances up into Dawn's face, that can only reveal how dissatisfied she is with the judge's decision. "Don't think you've won, Luke. He's with you for now. But we're on an equal playing field, as we all know there's no such person as Lorelai Danes. The case worker will visit both houses and he will see that with me Gabriel will be with family and with you he'll be in the arms of a man that wouldn't know the first thing about changing diapers," Dawn says, once again bringing up Luke's greatest fear and Lorelai can see it in his eyes.

She gnaws on her lower lip trying to process everything at once. Part of her is really feeling for him right now, knowing that he's still hearing Anna's concerns about his ability as a father. Another part of her is tormented by the fact she's still not sure she's really okay with this whole plan of Luke's. Yet, she can't keep her eyes off of Luke, seeing that tortured look in his eyes, knowing that he still wonders if he's a good father to April. "You know I think you should take a look at your own parenting skills before you start trashing someone else's," she speaks up with a strong and forceful tone that she wasn't sure she had in her anymore.

Hearing these words from Lorelai's mouth subsides his pain to some extent. After all, she's seen him at his worst fatherly moment, during his daughter's birthday party. _You're her dad. _That's what Lorelai had said in trying to convince him to share his daughter with her. He wasn't just the male who had contributed to her creation, Lorelai had known that, she had known without proof that he'd be a good father to his daughter.

"What kind of a hold does he have over you that you'll marry him to help him get custody of this child?" Dawn wonders, her eyes fixed on Lorelai, looking completely baffled. Lorelai can only stare down at her hands, knowing that the entire rest of the world is probably thinking the same thing.

"That's not why we're getting married," Luke manages, hoping that he's saving Lorelai just as she had done for him just a few moments before. She looks up at him with a wonder of uncertainty in her eyes.

"Tell me Luke, if you're not getting married just so there will be a Lorelai Danes, then why are you getting married?" Dawn probes, watching both of them try to keep the pleasant looks on their faces. Both hesitate to look at the other. He squeezes her hand, but hers has gone lax within his and he knows he's losing her. Looking over at her, he can only see her pained expectant look, seeing that she believes he's about to break her heart. All he can think is that she knows it's true, she must know that the main reason they're getting married is for Gabriel. Isn't it?

He's reminded of a time when being married to her meant everything. They had danced around a relationship for eight years before finally giving into what they knew deep down was the truth, that they were perfect for each other. From the moment he kissed her on the porch of the Dragonfly, he had wanted nothing more than to be with this woman forever. When he bought her engagement ring, his heart had leapt in his chest, as he could see all his dreams coming true in this ring. It was all he had ever wanted. Through the whole mess with Rory, he had just kept reminding himself that it would all be worth it someday. One day he would be married to the love of his life forever and now he would be, only it wasn't the same.

Finally he clears his throat, seeing that Lorelai's not going to answer Dawn's question for him. "Why we are getting married is between us, Dawn," he replies with the most annoyed tone he can muster. Instantly he feels Lorelai's hand slip from his and he knows he's said the wrong thing. Dawn snorts.

"You're marrying a man who can't even manage to say that he loves you. Good choice there Lorelai," Dawn says, shaking her head and walks away.

"She's just trying to get your goat," Luke mutters to Lorelai, but when she looks up at him, he can see she's not pleased with his response. "Lorelai, I – I didn't know what to say…"

"It's true. I mean, Dawn's right. That's why we're getting married," she says softly as if she's just realizing it. She shakes her head.

"You said okay. Tell me Lorelai, why are you suddenly angry?"

"What? Are you…? I mean…" She huffs. "You know what? You know what absolutely kills me? I wouldn't be so furious if I didn't love you so damn much!" she finally exclaims with as much incense as she can put behind it. She quickly swallows the tears that are forming, not wanting him to realize he's getting to her more that she's already let loose. "I'm going to go get Gabriel." With that, she grabs her purse and walks out and all Luke can do is watch her.

In face of her truth the only words that seem to come to mind were once sung by Billy Joel, that_ honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue_. In response, his mind is filled with the memory of his father during his mother's illness, late at night in the kitchen, slouched in a chair at the kitchen table, one hand on a beer spinning a beercap on the index finger of the other. The only sound that young Luke could hear through the crack in the doorway of his bedroom from where he was spying was the soft melody sung in the deep dedicated voice of his father's favorite vocalist. He had never completely understood his father but he had loved him because his father had been his role model, the man he had wanted to become. Liz had wanted Gabriel to think of him that way and he can only think that all he has to do is love Gabriel, show him a good example and Liz's wishes could come true. Seems so simple to do something that always seemed so far out of his realm of capability, but love will do that.

He can still hear the soft melody of the song playing in his kitchen as his father's face held an image of a man brooding in grief and seeing a road paved with loneliness. His father had always loved Billy Joel and of the memories he had of his mother before her disease, the one that burned brightest also was filled by the singer's soulful tones. Needing a glass of water, a five year old Luke had snuck out of bed only to walk into the living room and find that his parents were still up, music playing in the background as his father held in his mother in his arms, holding her close, dancing in the dark, his father softly singing _She's Got A Way_. It's only now that Luke remembers why he can't hear that song without thinking of his mother, seeing her blue eyes trying to hide her pain so that her young son will remember her fondly.

She too had tried to mask her pain for so long that he could no longer recognize when she was hurting or when she was joyful. _But I love you Luke. I love you. But I have waited and I have stayed away and I have let you run this thing but no more._ No more, she had said. No more. That's it. That's the look he had seen that night. That's the look that was he saw in her eyes as she stood next to him in the courtroom listening to her fate being handed down. She had walked away that night and he had lost her. He never thought he would have her again and he's not sure if he would have her now if it hadn't been for Gabriel.

As he's been thinking this through, he's walked out of the courtroom to end up outside of the daycare center. Peering in the window, even a stranger would get lost in the image he beholds. The seemingly strong, absolutely stunning woman, an ageless beauty, holding the young baby in her arms seems like out of a posed picture, airbrushed to perfection, but it is his reality. "Lorelai," he says softly as he opens the door, wanting her to know that he hasn't stopped thinking over her words since she exited the courtroom.

Against her will, she turns to face him, taking a few steps towards him, believing that he has come to hold his nephew. But Luke doesn't move, he doesn't reach his arms out for Gabriel. Instead, he lightly runs his knuckle up and down her arm. "I was taking you for granted again. I don't know why I do that. I don't know why I did that before." He watches her expression soften, the cold look in her eyes diminishes to a sky blue.

Not knowing how to respond to his acknowledgement of, not only his current mistake, but the entire 4 months of time last spring when she had been left in the imbalance of her entire life due to his oversight. She had always wondered if he had ever realized his part in her betrayal or had deemed it all her fault, as much of it was. So instead of responding with words, she carefully hands over Gabriel, wanting Luke to know that she's still going along with it, that his tender statement had tamed her temper. Touching Luke's elbow softly, she gazes up into his eyes, amazed that he's responding by looking back at her instead of down at Gabriel. "Guess all that's left to do is get married," she says.


	10. Chapter 10

Gabriel is such a quiet baby. Even when upset he whimpers quietly so as not to wake the pair that have centered their lives around caring for him. Instead, as he wakes in the wee hours of the morning, his stubby fingers grab at the blue blanket covering him. He makes little noise, but still he hears footsteps in the hall outside his room within seconds.

She pads into the room, not even bothering with the light. "Oh Sweet Baby, it's okay," she coos softly, picking him up out of the crib and cradling him against her blue cotton covered chest. She places a few soft kisses on his forehead, reassuring him of her presence. As she looks down at him, he opens his eyes, fixing her in his gaze, his tender innocence so similar to his uncle's. All she can hope for him is that his eyes stay light even after the loss of his parents, that he doesn't drown in the darkness that encases Luke's life.

How can she be enough for him? How can she and Luke replace what he lost? How can she replace the vibrant woman that was Liz when she's just getting to know Gabriel, when she allows Luke to pull her into his gloomy world, when she's nothing like Liz? That's what worries her most about the idea of adopting the baby with Luke. She's forced into the position of being the replacement for the family that Gabriel could have had and should have had.

Carrying Gabriel in her arms partway down the stairs, she spies Luke on the couch dead asleep. The thin blanket he requested before settling himself on the couch is tangled partly around the lower half of his body, the end trailing on the floor. His arms are wrapped around a pillow, possibly as a replacement for the feeling of holding her in place, and his face is shoved into the corner of the couch. She wonders if his sleep is still as troubled as it was in the nights spent in the Amherst hotel, but since he hasn't come to her for comfort and solace, it's probable that he doesn't need her now.

So she turns on her heel, carrying Gabriel with her into her bedroom. "Hey Sweet One, you want to sleep with me for a lil while?" she asks Gabriel in a soft, loving tone. She lays down on the bed, laying the boy down next to her, her arms still cradling him against her body. It reminds her of sweet angelic Rory at 3 months, her eyes only searching for Lorelai's, her fingers reaching to grab her mother's fingers in her small fists. Even in the big mansion that her parents owned, Lorelai and Rory could still hide away on Lorelai's bed, as if they were on a small raft in the middle of the ocean, the world only big enough for the two of them. Twenty two years later, Lorelai still lays in her bed, holding a baby against her, a baby that might soon legally be her own, but this time she doesn't want to be alone. As Gabriel's eyes close, sleepy now, feeling the love from the woman next to him lulling him back to sleep, she closes her eyes as well, imagining that the raft contains more than her and the baby, that this time Luke is there even after she pushed him off six months ago.

Walking up the stairs, still trying to wake himself up, Luke allows his feet to lead him rather than his slumbering mind. He pauses at the doorway to the nursery, just taking a moment to listen, but no sounds reach his ears. Figuring that the baby is still asleep, he moves on to the next room, leaning against the doorway to take in the scene in front of him. It's a vision he can almost remember from his dreams, it had seemed so real: the stunning woman in front of him, asleep on their bed, her dark curls splayed over the pillow, her arms wrapped around their young son, who sleeps as well, his fist bunched around the dark navy cotton of her pajama top. In his dreams he would climb onto the bed, curl himself on the opposite side of their son, resting one hand on the boy's stomach and letting the fingers of his other hand thread through her long hair as his lips would seek her temple.

It's idiotic to him, why Christopher would have ever left for California all those years ago, leaving this beautiful woman and their young perfect daughter behind. If Rory had been his, Luke knows he would have never left, he wouldn't have moved an inch. If he had been in Christopher's position, he would have been a father to his daughter from the start, even if the thought scared him, and he would have been a good partner to Lorelai, been whatever she needed him to be, even if she didn't want to marry him at the time. It suddenly dawns on him, he hadn't done that, he hadn't been whatever she wanted him to be, after all, she had wanted him to be her husband, she had wanted him to elope, to marry her, to promise her forever. When he couldn't give her that, she had instead turned back to the man who wouldn't give her what she wanted 22 years before.

She slowly opens her eyes to find him gazing at her, but sees that his eyes aren't really focused on her and Gabriel, that his thoughts are elsewhere. All she can think is how sexy he looks right then, leaning against the doorframe, with the muscles of his biceps tanned and hard. The look of slumber on his face is completely endearing. And she knows, if she wasn't holding a sleeping child in her arms, she would wrap herself around him in a moment, even the fact that he probably would have a negative reaction to this wouldn't keep her from pressing herself against him. She ponders once again why it took her 8 years to truly be able to say for sure how much she wanted him.

"We should get him up and ready if you want to head out to Maryland soon," Luke says, still feeling a little anxious about what's ahead. Today he's going to become a husband, again, and soon he's going to become a father, again. But last night he slept on the couch, in her house, now their house, and it's the first time he actually considers the possibility that maybe they have made the wrong decision. That if he can't get up the nerve to ask to share the bed, how could he have ever felt okay with asking her to marry him.

She slowly gets out of bed, picking up Gabriel as she stands. Flipping her curls down her back, the hem of her shirt hikes up displaying a small part of her flat stomach and once again, she's the woman he fell in love with all those years ago. Living in the same house with her makes it harder for him to not to see her as the old Lorelai and his heart aches. "I'm going to go change him and then I'll throw some stuff together. We leave at 10 sharp, which means 11 as you know, and Rory and Jess will meet us there." He watches as she brushes past him, carrying Gabriel into the nursery, as if the whole situation is completely normal, as if she gets married everyday.

Her accuracy is almost right on, as Luke is ready to go at 10, having packed most of Gabriel's things the day before, after trading in his truck for a more family oriented Saturn. Lorelai's only comment upon seeing his car pull into the driveway the day before had been that she was surprised his sense of nationalism had dropped so low that he hadn't gone for an American car. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's hit the road Jack!" Lorelai says as she strolls through the living room, Gabriel on her hip and a bag on her other shoulder. Luke follows her outside, watching as she sets Gabriel in the cradle car seat Lorelai had found in Liz's garage, closing the car door behind her as she sits down next to him in the back seat.

They drive the short distance to the small red house in Woodbridge with a blue door that would have caught Lorelai's attention before she had ever known who owned the house. It actually surprises her that if she had wanted to move out of Stars Hollow back when Rory was 10, this might have been a place she would have checked out. Actually, it doesn't just surprise her, it unnerves her a little. She never really asked about Anna, she never wanted to know, but what she does know is that she and Anna both had the same theory when it came to their children and a very similar taste in clothes. Maybe she should have asked because she does want to know. Why did he break up with her? Or did she break up with him? As Luke stops the car and stares, with dread in his eyes, at the door, she decides that maybe she doesn't want to know after all.

He gets out of the car and glances in the back window at her. "Would you like us to join you?" she offers. Knowing Anna like he does, he knows she'll be more apt to not change her mind if Lorelai's standing next to him, especially if Gabriel is in Lorelai's arms. Hating to use Lorelai and Gabriel like this, but knowing he might not be allowed to take April if he doesn't, he nods.

She unhooks Gabriel and gets out of the car, reaching back in for the baby. Nervously she walks with Luke up to the front door, the conversation during her only meeting with Anna is running through her head, reminding her over and over the reasons she had been driven to the edge back in the month of April. Yet her nerves are stilled by the settling of Luke's reassuring hand on her lower back.

The door opens revealing the short, brunette woman that had been the cause of Lorelai's fears all those months ago. "She's upstairs throwing the last of her things together, wouldn't want to forget a book," Anna says, moving aside to let Lorelai and then Luke enter the house.

"Well, if she wants, she can always borrow from Rory when we get home tonight," Lorelai suggests, hoping that she's coming off as pleasant and not intrusive.

"Home tonight?" Anna repeats and Lorelai instantly recognizes the look on Anna's face as one being involved in a miscommunication with the man standing next to her. She hears him sigh in her ear as he shuffles around, clearly uncomfortable with the fact that Anna's realized he lied and that she figured it out in front of Lorelai.

"Yeah, but it'll be late so we thought she could just stay the night at our house in Rory's room," Luke responds uneasily as April runs down the stairs.

"Hey Gabriel! Oh can I hold him? My friend Casey and I took the Red Cross babysitting class two years ago when her neighbors had twins and we really wanted to get money to put together a giant aquarium in her bedroom. But then it turned out piranhas cost more than we could ever hope to make as childcare workers and it's also expensive to have salt water tanks. I also heard something about having to have a license to have piranhas in your home, which I'm not sure is actually the truth, but in the end doesn't matter much anyways. But I think I have the required elements on my resume to be able to hold Gabriel," April chatters away. Lorelai's surprised to find that Anna has almost the same expression on her face as herself.

"Ummm… sure," Lorelai manages, handing the baby over.

"Why don't you take him out to the car with you?" Luke suggests, wanting a moment with Anna out of April's earshot. His daughter nods and takes Gabriel and her bag as she leaves.

"Just make sure she doesn't stay up too late and that you bring her home at a decent hour tomorrow," Anna insists, sounding none to happy with the arrangement.

"He's her father, I'm sure he can handle it," Lorelai mutters. Anna glares at her. Luke blindly grabs for Lorelai's arm, wanting nothing more than to get the hell out of his ex's house and leave her doubt far behind, but Lorelai stubbornly rips her arm away from him. "No! Absolutely not. I will not let you do this. I will not let you continue going on about how you believe that Luke is a bad father. Sure it was a little awkward for him at first but he loves April. He's a great father to Gabriel. He's not Anakin Skywalker! You haven't seen it but I have. I've seen the way he holds Gabriel. I've seen how he takes care of Gabriel. You're right, I do understand how it is to be a single parent, but I never kept Rory from Christopher. Even now with Rory at the age of 22, I would never do it. He doesn't have to be in my life, I don't need to have him in my life, but if she wants him in hers she can have him, whenever he wants. It's because he loves her that I know I can trust him and Luke is a better father to April already than Christopher ever was to Rory."

In the silence that follows her outburst, Lorelai feels her heart clench. She's too scared to look over at Luke, to get his reaction to her furious rant. She can still picture him in her mind, stabbing at the Chinese food as if that was the reason that Anna was unhappy about April's birthday party. She can see his face when she mentioned that she had talked to Anna, the dark, cold tones that were so uncommonly directed towards her from the man she loved.

"Just bring her back at a good time tomorrow," Anna says simply.

"Will do," Luke agrees and motions for Lorelai to lead them out the door. When the door closes behind them, Lorelai finally sneaks a glance over at Luke, receiving a nod from him. What the nod means, she's not sure, but he doesn't seem to be reaching to strangle her so that seems to be a plus. They walk silently to the car, both focusing on April, who is sitting in the front seat, leaning into the back to tickle Gabriel's tummy. Luke opens the car down and glances again at Lorelai, noticing that her eyes have returned to that fearful blue he's seen before. "Thanks," he says softly, touching her arm. Then he gets in the car as if nothing had just occurred between the two of them.

In her part, she smiles to herself knowing that things are already different this time. She gets in the car, reaching over to adjust Gabriel's straps. "Maybe this marriage won't be a mirage," she whispers to the little boy, placing a kiss on his forehead.

The trip to Maryland doesn't seem nearly as long as to either Luke or Lorelai as the trip to Amherst just a few weeks ago. April happily chatters away about school and the books that Rory recommended the last time she saw her. The girl clearly looks up to Lorelai's daughter, wanting to go as far as to call her father an 'old softy' to imitate her role model. It almost amuses Lorelai, how much April adores her daughter, remembering a time when Rory had looked up to herself in the very same way. She sighs, wondering if those times are past, if in her excursion from her life at Yale and in Stars Hollow, Rory has become someone that no longer reflects the daughter Lorelai thought she had brought up.

Still when Luke, Lorelai and April walk into the courthouse, Rory immediately rushes over to her mother, throwing her arms around Lorelai as if she was still that 17 year old who missed her mother for 6 weeks while she was in DC. Lorelai, in turn, gathers her 22 year old child in her arms, kissing Rory's cheek as if she's still that 22 year old girl who was scared to leave her 5 year old at kindergarten. Rory moves on to hug April and Luke as Lorelai nods to Jess.

They explain at the desk why they are there and are directed into a room where a man directs them to sign the marriage certificate. "Oh wait," Luke realizes, running out of the room, just as Rory and Jess are signing the license as witnesses. Lorelai wonders for a moment, only a fleeting moment, if Luke has changed his mind. She can feel her heart drop just as it had when Luke agreed to postpone the wedding a year ago. Rory running away and hiding at her grandparents' place in Hartford had scared her. Christopher finding out that Sherry was pregnant had made her stomach ache. But Luke not wanting to marry her had been a completely different pain. How can she possibly even begin to describe what one feels when she senses that the only man she's ever loved, the only man she could ever commit to, the only man she's ever wanted around in the morning, every morning, doesn't want to marry her and doesn't even love her? And it still kills her to think that Luke had no idea what was coursing through her, what made her go to Christopher's that night.

He returns within moments with a bouquet of white lilies in his hand. "Your favorites?" he asks, handing them to Lorelai. She nods, amazed that he can remember even little things like that. "Two times, Lorelai. Twice. Only you." She smiles. The first flowers helped her realize that he might have feelings for her. These flowers help her understand that he still does.

"We'll do the ceremony in the next room," the man at the desk says and motions for them to follow him.

"Umm… can I…? I just need a moment to….just a moment…" Lorelai stammers.

"We'll be in there before you can spell supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," Rory says quickly. Luke nods and he, Jess and April, who is carrying Gabriel, walk into the room.

Luke paces around the room, his gaze floating from the front of the room where he's about to marry the love of his life for possibly the wrong reasons. He looks over at Jess, remembering a time when Jess had come between him and Lorelai, but he had chosen Lorelai. At the time he hadn't even been sure of his feelings for Lorelai, but he had chosen her, because she had always been there. His eyes travel to April, who he had hidden from Lorelai in fear that April would rather be Lorelai's child than his own, but he knows that Lorelai was right, that April should be in both of their lives, in the life they would have created together. Finally his eyes travel to the door, just as Rory and Lorelai appear.

The vision of her standing there, having taken the time to change into a white dress, it takes his breath away. She seems ethereal, like an angel descended from heaven, dressed in white with the lilies in her hands. And she looks at him, only at him. And he knows he's falling in love with her all over again.

She slowly walks down the aisle, holding Luke's gaze the entire time, their eyes locked together as if in a trance, both in a world that holds only the two of them. Reaching the spot next to Luke, they take hands, barely listening to the deep tones of the man leading the ceremony. Luke's still focused on the woman before him that he almost misses the part where he's supposed to answer 'I do', but he does. She promises the same as well. "You may kiss the bride," the man finally directs and she looks up at him with hope in her eyes, half wondering if he will actually respond with a kiss.

Luke slowly dips his head, brushing his lips lightly against her, as if testing to see if they're both ready for this step. She tilts her head closer as their lips meet once again in a soft, embrace, sending electricity directly up to their brains and down their spines, the attraction still apparent to them and all in the room. He almost presses for more until he feels a dampness on his skin and pulls back to find that two tears have drifted down Lorelai's cheeks, though she seems oblivious to this fact as well.

As they break apart, the magic dissipates and they're no longer connected as they've been during the ceremony. They hug the kids and place kisses on the temple of the boy that is the reason for this occasion, but resist looking back into each other's eyes. Both wondering that if they looked back, they might not see the same love they had seen at the moment when they were finally brought together as husband and wife.


	11. Chapter 11

In the still of the night, he can hear the young child crying out. Still half asleep he manages the stairs, gripping the railing to keep his unsteady legs from slipping on the pale carpeting. Rubbing a hand over his face, he pads into the nursery to find the boy laying in the crib, whimpering softly, flapping his hands in his fury.

"You know, you sleep better on the nights that she has to get up," Luke mutters to the boy as he lifts the baby out of the crib holding him against his chest. He braces a hand on the back of Gabriel's head, his other hand holding the baby against him, holding tight to the baby's back. Placing a kiss on the side of Gabriel's head, he closes his eyes, rocking the baby back and forth.

If someone would have come to him five years ago, heck even three years ago, and told him that he would be awake at three in the morning, cradling an infant against his chest, he would have laughed at them. No, he would have shaken his head and growled at them. Like that scene in The Lion King when the nice calm Mufasa suddenly growls when his brother is annoying him. But then Mufasa had turned out to be a good father. Wait a second, where did these thoughts come from? What has this child, who is currently clutching his t-shirt in his fists, done to him? Some Disney movie has invaded his thoughts?

Actually, he knows his mind was changed long before Gabriel's birth, long before Liz had charged into his diner and unknowingly revealed that she was pregnant, long before April showed up and ripped out his hair. He probably had always wanted to be a father but had never known it, until Lorelai. Until Lorelai. That's a point in time. The date is circled in red in the timeline of his life.

There was a point in his life when he could have pictured their children. They all looked exactly like her, just like Rory. He could picture himself raising a kid with her, maybe more than one. He could picture himself trying to be there for her when she was pregnant and trying to keep the coffee away from her. He could picture himself chasing their children around the yard, teaching them to play baseball, reminding them that vegetables are good for them, while Lorelai stood by his side, good-naturedly fixing things when they went wrong. He had wanted to be a father. He wanted to be a father to children with Lorelai. Only with Lorelai.

But living in the past won't do anymore. Right now he has a whimpering child in his arms and for the rest of his life, Gabriel must come first. So he carries the baby over to the window, pushing the drapery aside so they can look out, and tries to remember what Liz had done when her son was upset. She had rocked her sons, both of them, and sang to them. _Blackbird_. That had been her song and as much as he appreciates the Beatles, he can't remember the words to sing it to her son. Instantly he feels guilty. How can he promise to replace the mother this boy will never know when he's nothing like her? They shared a nose, a last name, an appreciation for the simple life, but that was it. They hadn't been close like Bert and Ernie, although he had heard that there were reasons that he wouldn't want to be close like Bert and Ernie.

So instead he sings the only song he can think of at this moment in time. "She's got a way about her, don't know what it is," he croons softly as he rocks the child in his arms. Continuing on with the song, he fails to realize that a tear has drifted down his cheek

Standing in the doorway, she thinks she can see the tear. She heard Gabriel's quiet noises, but hadn't gotten out of bed, waiting for Luke, knowing that he would do as promised, that he would check on the baby. Marriage hadn't changed things much for them. Luke still slept on the couch and she in their – her – bedroom. They were still separated by everything but the new shiny rings on their fingers and their love for the boy in the nursery next door. But something was changing, somehow she felt that icy shield around his heart was letting her in, if only to comfort him because she was the only one who knew exactly how and when and what he needed. Maybe it was more. Maybe he was finally ready to take a change, to forgive her. Maybe he understands now that she regretted that night more than anything she had done her life, possibly more than Ted Kennedy regretted that drive over the Chappaquiddick Bridge. Maybe he had heard her when she reminded him that she loved him.

Though she had heard Luke get up, just as she knew he would, she stayed awake, just listening. She heard Luke talking quietly to Gabriel and smiled to herself, her words to Anna just a few days before still ringing true in her mind. But, when after a moment the sounds decreased, both of Luke's murmurs and Gabriel's whimpers, and there was no added noise of Luke walking back down the stairs, she decided to get out of bed. Grabbing her thin robe off the floor, she pulled it on, tying the sash around her waist as she walked over to the nursery.

The scene she finds as she stands in the doorway of the nursery is poignant as she literally feels her eyes fill with tears. It reminds her of the final scene in Nine Months, the image of Luke in the nursery, cradling the baby against him, as he softly sings a tune. She's warmed through and through and it doesn't even matter that Gabriel really isn't her son, she still feels like the proud mother watching her husband be a wonderful daddy to their child. Even if they don't adopt Gabriel, even if things spin out of control, this will still be the most lovely scene she's ever witnessed.

"She comes to me when I'm feeling down, inspires me without a sound," he sings as she moves her hand slightly, her wedding ring tapping against the doorway alerting him to the fact that she's standing there. He pauses his singing to turn and face her, placing another small kiss on Gabriel's head to assure the boy that it's just Lorelai, that it's just the only other person in the world who would do anything for him. She smiles softly at him, wanting him to know how much the sight in front of her pleases her. "I was trying not to wake you," he tells her sleepily, but she just takes a few tentative steps towards him.

She brushes his elbow softly, just using her small touch to let him know that it wasn't him that woke her up, that it doesn't bother her that she was woken up. Placing a small kiss on the back of Gabriel's head, she brushes her hand slowly down the child's back. He seems so peaceful wrapped in his uncle arms, calmed by the deep timbre of his uncle's voice. Finally she tears her gaze from the boy and up to the eyes of the man in front of her, who is staring back at her.

"You know, you look good with a baby in your arms too. Michael Keaton would be proud," she says softly but teasingly. He grunts a small acknowledgement at her joke. "What were you singing? It was lovely. I didn't know you could sing."

Shrugging, as if he didn't really know he could sing either, he rubs the baby's back. "It's a song my dad used to sing. I remember him singing it to my mom. After she died, he never sang it again, I don't think he ever actually sang again. But it reminds me of her," he explains and she appreciates once again the little tidbits he reveals to her about his parents. His love for his parents is so clear, so obviously infinite, that she's constantly amazed when he mentions them to her, knowing that she's one of the few he's let in about them, that she's the only one who he allows to truly perceive his pain.

To let him know she values his openness, she leans forward and places a gentle kiss on his cheek. Though he instantly understands her meaning, both sense how cautious she is. It's like their first kiss all over again. She had sensed he was going to kiss her, she knew he was leaning towards her, and somewhere deep inside, she knew she wanted him to. The second his lips brushed hers for the first kiss, it was hesitant, uncertain, but magical all the same. And she had hesitantly responded, pressing her lips back against his, sparks flying with the more she felt of his lips. But then something in the back of her mind had sent off warning signals, a loud megaphone voice in her head had yelled at her. _You're kissing Luke! Luke! Your friend Luke!_ And she had instantly pulled back, but she hadn't wanted to. Once again they had been scared. Were they really going to take this step? Did she really want to be kissing Luke? All she could think about was the feel of his kiss. The way she knew with just the touch of his lips how much he adored her, how much he wanted her, and the shiver that had driven down her spine had told her how much she enjoyed kissing him as well. So she had taken a few tentative steps forward, timid but curious, and with her eyes focused only on him, had slowly brought her hands and face within millimeters of his, before closing her eyes and pressing her lips to his once again, this time with her lips slightly parted. He was no longer shy, slipping his tongue inside her mouth, warm and wonderful and all barriers were broken as she wrapped her arms around him tightly.

It's the same, but yet different, the uncertain feeling there, but for an entirely different reason. She knows she could kiss him, actually kiss him, and he might actually kiss her back, but she doesn't want to take the chance yet. She doesn't want to push too fast. If this is their last chance, if this is going to work, if they're really going to work things out as she hopes they will, then she has to know that he's forgiven her, that he's going to get past her betrayal before she can even think of opening her heart once again. So she turns and walks towards the door. "It reminds me of you," he adds softly and she pauses in the doorway but doesn't turn around. She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes, part of her wanting to turn around and plaster little kisses all over his face but the reasonable part of her knows she should just walk out, let that be it.

For some strange reason, she listens to the reasonable side of her brain, an unusual choice for her. As she walks back down the hall to lay back down and sleep the rest of the night, though she knows Luke's words will live on in her dreams, she can hear Luke begin to sing once again. "She's got a way about her, I don't know what it is. But I know I can't live without her anyway."


	12. Chapter 12

In the days following their marriage, they had easily slipped into a morning routine, not far different from most parents of an infant. Luke would rise first, always having to be at work long before her. After checking on Gabriel, who was usually sleeping as he had just been up only a few hours ago, he would shower and dress in his jeans, t-shirt, and flannel. Somehow the noise of the shower would rouse her from her deep slumber and she would slip on her flimsy robe and bunny slippers, grabbing the afghan off the chair by the door and wrapping it around herself, before padding down the hall to the nursery. By then, Gabriel would have sensed the stirring of the adults in the house and would be waiting for her to come change his diaper. She would be thankful that she's still half-asleep in her non-caffeinated state, her senses unable to truly take in the odor from the stinky diaper. However she'd be awake enough to tickle the baby's belly and make faces so that he'd relax and let her change him. Then she would lift the boy up into her arms, wrapping the afghan around him as well, and she would kiss his baby soft skin and hold him against her, remembering once again the reason why her life had taken such a dramatic turn in the past month.

After a few moments alone with her new nephew, as of the moment she signed her marriage license and Luke placed the ring on her finger, she would take him downstairs where she would find Luke putting breakfast together, the coffee steaming, the high chair set up with a bottle of Gerbers and a spoon waiting on the table. As she would settle Gabriel into the high chair, she would glance up at Luke, giving him a sleepy smile and receive a perfunctory one in response. He would tell her that he'd take care of it and she'd run her fingers softly over the baby's head and go upstairs to get ready while he would feed the baby and be off to work with his nephew in his arms long before she was finished with her morning prep, leaving her to eat breakfast, drink her coffee and sit in silent kitchen all alone. Some days she'd refuse to let Luke take over and she'd feed Gabriel as Luke finished breakfast and headed out the door with little more than a kiss on the head for both her and the baby.

Today the morning is ending differently. She got ready quicker than usual, piling her curls top of her head with a clip and ran back downstairs to find Gabriel in the highchair and Luke sitting in the chair in front the highchair trying to feed the boy, who was very obviously confused. She couldn't help the pride that warmed her heart, watching the man she loved doing his best to take care of the child that very much wanted nothing to do with Luke's attempts. For a moment she considers just staying where she is, just allowing herself to enjoy Luke's frustration, but she knew that things had to get done, the baby had to be fed. Things have to go perfect today. Of all days, this is the one when everything has to go just right and she has to make sure of that.

So she walks over, laying her hand over Luke's that contains the small blue, plastic spoon, the perfect size for Gabriel's small mouth. "I'll do it," she offers, hoping he understands that she's not trying to say she can be a better parent than him. Surely, after her words to Anna, he must realize that she knows he's a wonderful father. She perceives a slight agreement from him, as his hand relaxes on the spoon, allowing her to take it in her hand. As he draws his hand away, his rough skin brushes lightly against her own pale skin, and she can't help but look over at him. Did he notice? Did he feel the same thing she did? Whatever an electric shock actually feels like, this sensation must have been something close to that. She finds that he has also glanced at her, probably also seeing if she had felt the same jolt. Yet, his reaction she is unsure of, no smile plays on his lips, no shame in his eyes.

In the end, he stands, allowing her to take the chair from him and he walks over to the coffee machine. Retrieving a coffee mug, he pours the liquid slowly into the cup, giving himself a moment to contemplate. Was this how it was always going to be? This awkwardness? He knows that it is his own reluctance to let her in, to let her break through once again, that forces this uneasiness. It's only for his own safety that this is necessary.

After the loss of his mother and father, he just couldn't allow himself to be hurt again, he couldn't allow himself to lose someone he loved ever again. So instead, he kept everyone out. It was a pattern that went on for years. With Rachel. With Anna. He even kept his own sister out. When they first started dating, he had continued his ways, keeping Lorelai an arms length from what he hid inside, his sadness, even his love. So when Christopher suggested what Luke already feared, that he would lose Lorelai in the end, he decided to cut and run, keep her from really breaking in and then thus from being able to truly hurt him.

Somehow he had come to his senses, realized that Lorelai was different, that if he let her in, let her see the real Luke Danes, he might have finally found the one person he would never lose. Maybe if he allowed himself to love her, to show her that he loved her, then she would never leave him. So he had gone back to her and for twelve wondrous months it seemed that he was right to trust in Lorelai. And then came the night that everything fell apart, his own Kristallnacht, and, yes, he had let her walk away. Maybe that was his own stupid mistake. Okay, no maybe, that was a ridiculously stupid mistake, he knows that. But she had run from him to Christopher's waiting arms, she had given herself to that man, she had permitted him to lay with her, to be the arms to hold her when she cried, to be the man to make love to her, a worse betrayal than Luke could have ever imagined. He had let down his guard with her, allowed himself to feel safe in their relationship, let himself trust in her love, that it would always be there, that it would always be for him, only for him. He had taken down that wall he kept up and in the process gave her leave to stomp all over his heart with those sharp spikey heels she always wore.

How on earth could she ever think that he'll just get over this? How can she think that he'll ever let himself let down his guard and feel secure that he is the only man for her?

He glances over his shoulder and watches her spoon feed the baby food into Gabriel's mouth. She cooes to the boy as she coaxes him to eat the mashed bananas that Luke had been unable to get the boy to eat. When some of the food dribbles down Gabriel's chin, Luke watches as she grins, wrinkling her nose as she laughs, the corners of her eyes crinkling into that face that makes his heart skip a beat. How can someone not feel like he was flying amongst the clouds when she smiles like that?

Before he gets a chance to reconsider his questions, the doorbell rings. Lorelai looks up at Luke expectantly, sharing a look between them as they both understood that this was it. Today was the day their fate would be determined. Would they become parents to the boy they adore? As he stares into her eyes, he knows that she wants to raise this boy just as much as he does and that barely surprises him. After all, she loves him and Gabriel is a part of him.

Leaving Lorelai in the kitchen to clean up the breakfast mess, he walks to the front door, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves before he opens it. Standing in front of him is a petite woman, shorter than Lorelai, possibly shorter than Rory, wavey blond hair that barely makes her seem flighty against her professional wardrobe and businesslike smile. "Lucas Danes?" she asks, glancing down at her clipboard and then back up at him.

He blinks for a moment before registering that she's waiting for a response. "Oh, uh, yes, Luke – Luke Danes," he responses, shaking her outstretched hand. "You're the case worker?" She nods.

"Yes, sir, Julie Moss," she answers in a perfunctory way, flashing a badge at him that would have meant nothing to him even if he had been able to read it that quickly. "I'm here for your home visit as directed in the case of Gabriel Lucas Matthews." He flicks his eyes over her, wondering for only a moment if this coarse attitude is something she keeps up for professional purposes or if she treats her family in the same manner. Then he wonders, if she does treat those close to her in the same way, then what she will appreciate about his home life?

"Come in," he says, stepping back to allow her to walk inside the house, closing the door behind her. "Can I take your coat?" She shakes her head stepping further and further into the house, seemingly critiquing every bit of the house with her eyes, even the random picture of a girl in a bonnet that always scared him but Lorelai had some kind of an odd attachment to.

"That won't be necessary," the woman answered.

"Well, uh, tour then..." Luke figures, but receives no response from the woman. He's feeling more and more every second like every word he says and every move he is makes is just wrong in her eyes. How to adjust this, he has to clue. "Well this is the front hall and if you'll…" He walks quickly into the living room with Julie following close behind. "This is the living room. You know, couch, TV, other things." He shrugs. "We're not TV addicts or anything, I mean, Lorelai is… I mean, I guess she's more of a movie addict. Well not addict per say, she's just… well she likes movies." As he comes to the end of his babble, Julie glances up at him, with a slightly interested eyebrow raise.

This woman scares him. It's more than her attitude: her words, her scary looks, that odd position she keeps her mouth in like she's consistently taking a bite into a very cold lemon. It's the fact that she's what stands between him and fatherhood. She is the one person who, if she disagrees with how he lives his life, could take Gabriel away and leave him lost and alone.

"You must be the case worker," he hears and glances up to find Lorelai standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen with Gabriel on her hip, both looking much cleaner than when he had walked away. Lorelai has a pleasant smile on her face, dressed in jeans and shirt that Luke figures she must have worn to impress as it has no odd saying or weird design on it as most of Lorelai's other clothes do. He wants to tell her to act like herself, that no one could dislike Lorelai Gilmore, that if they can't win custody by being themselves then maybe they shouldn't be considering raising the boy. And then he looks down at himself, seeing his brown loafers, black jeans and brown sweater, that Lorelai had once teased was the reason she had decided to give into his kiss all those years ago.

"Oh, uh, Lorelai, this is Julie Moss. Ms. Moss, this is… my… wife, Lorelai," Luke finally manages, sharing a timid look with Lorelai as he introduces her with her new title for the first time. Her eyes don't light up at the sound of the word 'wife', he notices. She just adjusts the baby on her hip, rubbing his back. "Oh and this is Gabriel."

The woman nods to him and walks forward to shake Lorelai's hand as well. "Yes, odd to say now, but you'll get used to it. Congratulations on your new marriage," Julie says, her voice degrees warmer than when Luke first opened the door. It was either the presence of Lorelai or the distance between the door and the kitchen that had raised the temperature of the woman's voice.

"Thank you. You seem to be familiar with this, are you a newlywed too?" Lorelai asks.

Julie smiles, waving her fingers in Lorelai's direction, flashing her rings for a long period of time than she had showed her badge for. "Going on year four." Lorelai's eyes widen in surprise.

"Four? But you're so young."

"Yes, we got married young but it works for us. When it's right, it's right, you know what I mean of course," Julie answers without a clue as to what affect her words are having on Lorelai, who smiles softly in response. Here's this young, not nearly thirty-year old woman, standing in front of her, married, for four years, trying to teach her about knowing when it's right. Her, Lorelai, the woman who never thought about marriage until the ripe old age of 37, who has been married only a few weeks as she approaches her 40th year of life, who thought she had been getting married because it was right for them but now it seems that she only got married because it was right for Gabriel.

It kills her to know that there are people out there, like this woman in front of her, women who can fall in love with a great guy and get them to commit the rest of their lives to them. It makes her think that there's something wrong with her. She found that great guy. She fell in love with him. But when it came to getting him to commit to her, everything had gone wrong.

Julie walks past Lorelai into the kitchen checking it out and then glancing into Rory's room. "Oh, uh, that's the kitchen and, uh, Rory's room," Luke says walking over to join them in the kitchen.

"Right, Rory, your daughter, Lorelai Leigh Gilmore," Julie recognizes, reading them name off the clipboard in front of her as she glances up at Lorelai.

"Yeah, Rory, she's at Yale," Lorelai answers. She watches as the woman's forehead crinkles, very obviously thinking hard about something. "And, yes, I was sixteen when I had her," Lorelai admits, looking over at Luke. He had accepted her pregnancy with little of the response of anyone else. _Huh, nice age. Beat my sister by two years._ That was it. That was all he said. In fact, as she remembers it, all he had ever done was comment that it was a mistake, people make mistakes, but thankfully hers had turned out nicely, she had gotten Rory.

However today she fears that the thoughts running through his head are somewhat different. She wonders if he's ashamed of the fact that the first red mark on their record is due to the fact that she had Rory at such a young age. "And she did a great job raising Rory. I mean, getting into Yale, that's no small potatoes," Luke speaks up to Lorelai's amazement. She's glad to be holding Gabriel at this moment, keeping her from running across the room and throwing her arms around Luke. It's not that she's embarrassed by the situation she got herself into, in fact she'll proudly tell the world what happened and how she got through it, but if there is even the slightest chance that her early conception of Rory keeps them from adopting Gabriel, she'll be crushed.

"And you have a daughter too, Luke?" Julie asks, with barely a blink of an eye after Luke's response about Rory.

"Yes, April, but she lives with her mother most of the time and when she's here she sleeps in Rory's room," Luke answers, sharing a gaze with Lorelai the entire time. Lorelai slowly nods along with every word as if he's checking her opinion on what he's telling the case worker. Maybe he is. It almost seems to him that they just came to an agreement on April without a single word being spoken. And a rush of memories come running back to him, all the moments when they barely had to utter a word to know what the other was thinking. Through all those months when Rory was in Hartford, she never said a word but he knew she was hurting. It had worked the same for her, she had seen how deep his love for his father ran and had known that he would want to keep his father's boat despite the words he had vocalized in her presence, she knew that in his heart he would want it.

That was their special thing. Long before they had ever gotten together, that was what made their relationship so special. Words were unnecessary. He could just see. She could just see. It was all clear to both of them, just a look, just a touch, a flicker in the eyes. It only made him appreciate Lorelai more.

Somehow the introduction of April into his life, and thus into her life, had erased all that. It was clear when he realized that he had been able to keep April a secret from her for two months. How had she not noticed? How had she not seen it in his eyes that his insides were churning and his shoulders were slumped from the weight of his secret? In some way he had responded by not noticing when her life seemed to be crumbling at her feet, not noticing how the sparkle had disappeared from her eyes, not seeing how her smiles were forced and tense. It wasn't April's fault, he knew that, it was…well, it just was. Forget it, it was ridiculous to think that it was anyone's fault but his own. He had done what he always did, concentrated on one thing at a time, it had always worked for him the past, but then again, he had never been engaged to be married in the past. Postponing the wedding had done nothing but drive Lorelai to the idea that he never wanted to marry her, it hadn't helped to convince him that he'd be a good father to April and, more than that, it hadn't changed how much he concentrated on fixing things with April. When he thought back to the night that he realized Lorelai's doubts about their future together, all he could wish was that he hadn't just stood there, that instead he had wrapped his arms around her and held her close and let her cry, let it all out, until she wasn't afraid anymore, until he wasn't afraid anymore to give her what she always wanted, a true commitment from him, a marriage.

Meanwhile, Julie had finished checking out Rory's room and the kitchen. "Here I'll take him and finish cleaning him up while you show her the upstairs," Luke offers holding out his arms for Gabriel. Lorelai only nods and places a kiss on the boy's head before placing him safely in his uncle's waiting arms.

She motions for Julie to follow her up the stairs. "Well this here is Gabriel's room. A lot of the furniture is from Liz and TJ's house, we thought it would be familiar to him, make the change a little easier. You know, a bit like a safety blankie, but Gabriel doesn't use a blankie, in fact Luke doesn't even like me to use the word blankie in his presence," Lorelai explains to Julie who nods along. "And then, here…" She walks along the hallways with Julie following behind. "This is my, uh, the bedroom." She chuckles to herself, hoping that she's not coming off as nervous as she feels. "We remodeled the house just after we got engaged."

"Oh that's sweet, it's nice that the remodeling was finished before you two got married," Julie says.

Lorelai smiles faintly. "Well, uh, we got engaged back in May of 2005, so we had time."

"Yeah, it was nice not to live in the living room anymore," Luke adds as he walks over to them, Gabriel in his arms. Lorelai smiles to herself, remembering the crazy days of living in the living room. Sure it had been odd, showering at Babette's, sleeping in front of the window where anyone could just look in and see so that most nights they had to double up the drapes and make love on the sofa. And while it hadn't been the most convenient way to live, that had been doing it together, to her it seemed like Bruce Brown and Lane Morgan, two people lost in the wilderness, forging their way together. She had never felt closer to him.

She rubs her forehead. Maybe this was something like it, working together to raise this child, to adopt this child, to give him the life that he deserved.

"Well, we were thinking of strapping Gabriel in the stroller and giving you a tour around town," Lorelai tells Julia.

"That sounds fine, I'm just going to make a phone call," Julie says and walks back down the stairs. Lorelai looks up at Luke and he can see the worry in her eyes.

"You're doing great," he assures her and she smiles, a smile that reads nothing but appreciation and adoration. And he can do little to keep from smiling as well.


	13. Chapter 13

Loneliness. It is a word he's becoming more and more familiar with every minute. One could say he should have become one with being alone in his years of playing the grumpy diner owner, living alone in what Lorelai called his 'dark cave' above the diner. But that was life for him, until Lorelai, it was just something he was used to, it didn't seem he could ever want anything more. In the months after their latest breakup, he had been so full of anger and wrath at Lorelai for her betrayal combined with a small amount of guilt that he had driven her to doubt his love. It had filled his life, keeping him from realizing what he had lost. But since yesterday morning, it had all become clear to him.

The moment that Rory had driven off with Gabriel in her backseat, having been given the job of go-between in the long distance feud between Dawn and the Danes', his life had immediately seemed empty. Since the moment that the phone rang that cold December day just a few short months ago, he had done little other than think of Gabriel. Wishing to see his nephew again. Wanting to take care of his nephew. Searching for a lawyer and a bride. Holding him when he cried and playing with him until he smiled. And as that small silver car pulled out of the driveway, everything important in his life tucked inside, he could feel nothing more than emptiness.

This entire day he could think of nothing than that he was alone. In the morning, he had woken up in the large bed he had once shared with Lorelai in his apartment, going as far as to buy her a TV to keep her there, wanting nothing more than to go about his normal routine. He wanted to climb the stairs in their house, check on his sleeping baby, walk into her bedroom and let himself gaze at her sleeping form, her hair flowing all around her, a peaceful look on her face as she drifted among clouds of sleep. He wanted to shower and go downstairs to make them breakfast, remembering to make her coffee extra strong, and wait for her to breeze into the kitchen, the boy's body wrapped against her in her pink afghan, a flirtatious and yet sleepy smile on her face.

Instead he was forced to go about his day as if he lived alone, as if he had never had Lorelai in his life, as if he was the only person that mattered. He had woken up in the empty apartment that was void of any sense of her light. After getting ready for work, he had opened the diner and went about his morning, but she had never come. Without realizing it, he had actually been waiting and hoping she would come, that she would feel her life was also vacant without him and search out the diner, if only for a cup of coffee and a nod from him. As he went throughout his day, his thoughts drifted more and more to her, at one point almost thinking he had seen her sitting at her usual stool but it was only a mirage, it was only his mind playing tricks on him, and his life felt even more vacant than before.

Suddenly, as he's wiping down the counter after the dinner rush, it comes to him. In all the time since Rory drove away, he had thought only of Lorelai. Sure, he misses Gabriel, but he knows that the boy will be back home tomorrow. But she's here. She's in the town. She's at the inn. She's in their house. She's not more than a minute or so away. And she's not _here_ here.

In the days since Liz's death, she had always been there. If he had ever been sad or depressed, she had been there, holding him, brushing her hands over his face and arms, loving him even with no response from him. She had rejoiced in his happiness and calmed him when he was angry. But now, no matter how he felt, or what he was going through, she wouldn't be there. And she was all he needed.

Lincoln had said that the soldiers slain in the battle of Gettysburg had offered their lives as the last full measure of devotion to their country. For Luke, all that Lorelai had given up was her pride, her independence, and her name as her own last attempt to convince him of her loyalty. It was everything that was important to her, everything she had ever staked her reputation on. It was all she could do. Lincoln had said the soldiers' sacrifice should not go in vain. Though a sacrifice on a much different scale, hers had been just as great, just as loyal, and in truth, it had not proved futile.

She had made a mistake and had done everything in her power in the past few months to prove it was only a mistake, that she was just as committed to him as she had been before, maybe more so. When he had no one to turn to, she had showed up. She had gone to New York with him, letting him use her for support and a shoulder to cry on when he felt he had nothing left. After he had pushed her away, she had stubbornly refused to let him wallow alone, for which he was grateful. To his marriage proposal, she had said yes, even with his unvoiced stance that the marriage would be in name only. She had given him so much, her daily life to take care of his nephew, her home to make their marriage more believable, and, most importantly, her independence that had been her strongest follower throughout her life.

He saw all of this and, in truth, he was in awe. And now that he had realized this, he just had to let her know. "Caesar! I'm out for the night! Close up!" Luke shouted as he dropped the sponge back on the counter and headed out the door. He had held her at a distance for nine months, even after she had tried to convince him that she was sorry in words and actions. Well that ended now.

* * *

It had been another long day at the inn. Two days of nothing but little annoyances or one big annoyance also known as Michel. But there was nothing she could do about it. She loved this inn, she had basically created it with her bare hands and a little bit of money from Luke. The daily work was nothing but pleasure, helping people, giving them a little place to stay that was far away from their busy lives at home, something that she had searched out at the tender age of seventeen. However today, it was nothing but draining, she felt every bone in her body ache. Though she had gone to sleep early the night before, she was tired beyond belief. She felt she was dragging herself through the day, looking forward to nothing but going home to her now empty house and throwing herself into bed in the hopes that everything would be better when Gabriel came home tomorrow. 

Even the snow falling from the sky as she gets out of her car does little to improve her mood. She just can't seem to get out of this funk. She misses Gabriel. She misses waking up in the morning and holding him against her, his sweet baby soft skin, his lovely baby smell, his small baby fingers holding tight to her. And she misses Luke. In the same town, in the same winter wonderland, she misses him. She's gotten used to having him around, making coffee in the morning, fixing dinner at night, watching some crazy sports game between two teams she'd never be able to name on the television at night. She yearns for the nights she spent, crouched on the stairs, watching him sleep, hearing his soft breathing mixed with deep snoring, wondering if he's dreaming of her.

She sighs as she walks up the steps to her house, closing the door behind her. Slowly she takes off her coat, hanging it on the coat rack, and runs her fingers once again through her hair. Stepping into the living room, she glances around. Everything is exactly the way it was when she left this morning, but there's something off, she can feel it. There's an energy in the house. Not in this room. It's not the feeling she gets when Rory comes home unexpectedly and sleeps in her bedroom. It's not Rory who is here. Suddenly, she knows where it coming from.

Slipping out of her heels, she runs up the stairs, taking them two at a time and pauses in the doorway to the nursery. Instantly her eyes tell her that she was right, of course she was, she knows him. Stepping inside the room, leaning back against the wall next to the doorway, she stares at him in the dark. He stands by the crib, his hands grasping the side, leaning forward into it, his head down. She wonders how long he's been there and she wonders if she should alert him to her presence and she wonders why he's come. Does he miss Gabriel that much?

"With or without Gabriel, I just want to be with you," Luke says in a deep throaty voice and her breath catches in her throat. He slowly turns his head to look over at her, taking in her wordless response. Her lips are parted, her eyes clear pools of wonder. She must have noticed that her mouth is open and slowly closes it and he can see her chin tremble in the process, alerting him to the fact that she is close to tears.

Within seconds, he's standing in front of her, his hand reaching out to lightly grasp her elbow. Her eyes flow about aimlessly, as if she's not really looking at anything in particular, as if she's actually hearing his words over and over and trying to digest them, perceive their true meaning. Finally, she lifts her gaze to his and a tear drifts down her cheek. She looks so heartbreakingly beautiful at this moment that he can do little but lower his lips to brush against hers, pressing them against hers in a soft but bittersweet kiss. As he pulls back, he can see that a few more tears have escaped from the corners of her eyes. Reaching up, he cups her face in his hands, brushing away her tears with his thumbs. "I forgive you," he tells her, watching as she draws in a shaky breath.

It is more than she could have hoped for. She can't help but think she is dreaming because in her dreams he had forgiven her, over and over he had, but she never thought she would see her dreams become a reality. "I forgive you," he repeats and she's still unsure. Wrapping her hands around his neck, her fingers threading through the curls on the back of his neck, she tips her face up, kissing him with more intensity than the first kiss, believing that kissing is better than pinching to discover if she's really dreaming. The sensations light her skin on fire and a shiver runs down her spine and she knows that this is more than a vision in her mind.

He wants to fall into this, sweep her off her feet and make love to her over and over until they're completely exhausted. But he pulls back. "Tell me you believe me," he requests in between breaths. She looks at him for a second, searching his eyes for the truth. Then she nods. She runs her hand down the side of his neck to his chest, slipping her fingers in-between the buttons of his shirt. He can scarcely breathe, his heart beating rapidly from the feeling of her hands so close to his skin and he wonders if she can feel it pulsing through his ribcage. Lifting her eyes to his again, checking to see if he's with her, she looks back down at her hands, carefully undoing each button of his flannel.

"Lorelai," he says, grasping her upper arms as she separates his flannel with her hands, pulling it off of him. Soundlessly, she reaches for the bottom of his grey t-shirt but he grabs her wrists to still them, wanting to hear her response before going any further. "Tell me you believe me."

"I believe you," she says huskily, her desire dripping from her lips. With that he lets go of her wrists and she lifts his shirt over his head, tossing it aside as she wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him soundly. "I believe you," she repeats kissing the side of his mouth and then his jaw and then his neck. She trails kisses down his neck to his collarbone. "I believe you" she repeats with every peck on his soft skin. Her fingers follow her lips down his chest. "I believe you. I believe you. I believe you," she says with no hesitation, the repetition becoming a mantra in his head.

His head is spinning from the cadence of her words combined with the feeling of her sweet, tender, wanting kisses trailing down his body. He can no longer sense where he is or where her kisses are being placed, but he knows she's arousing him with every touch of the pads of her fingers and the wetness of her lips. Before he knows it, he feels her pulling at the belt around him and his eyes fly open. Looking down, he finds her kneeling before him, her hands undoing his belt. "No," he strangles out, grasping her underneath her shoulders and pulling her up to stand in front of him.

Staring into her eyes, watching her sea-blue eyes pool black with desire, he runs his knuckles up and down her sides. She braces the back of his head with her hand, leaning forward and kissing him again. "I forgive you too," she mutters against his lips, kissing him again. And he realizes why he's been holding back, he's been waiting to hear those words as well. Wrapping his arms around her waist, his fingers press into the small of her back, pulling her against him as he kisses her back. He runs his tongue over her bottom lip and she opens her mouth to him, their tongues colliding. His fingers reach for the bottom of her shirt, running lightly on the skin underneath and she gasps at the touch. She leans back to nibble on his lower lip, her hand running down to stroke over his stubble, rememorizing the feeling of his face beneath her fingers.

"Lorelai," he murmurs, his fingers pulling on the bottom of her shirt. Reluctantly she pulls back, raising her hands above her head to allow him to pull off her shirt. He quickly tosses it aside, his hands going back to her wrists and running down her arms, down her shoulders, running along her sides, his thumbs lightly brushing the sides of her breasts as his hands travel down to grasp at the soft skin of her waist. She moans against his lips, loving the feelings of his hands once again on her body, and throws her arms back around him, running over the tight muscles of his back, becoming turned on from the skin on skin contact she's ached for.

He presses her back against the wall, getting as close to her as he possibly can, grinding against her as he becomes more and more aroused. "Luke," she breathes out, between kisses and he dips his head down to nip at the curve of her neck, right below her ear, eliciting the soft moan he'd been hoping for. He runs his fingers over her flat stomach and then lightly trails his fingers up over her breasts, hearing her breath hitch in her throat. "Bed," she manages, her breath caught in her chest as he circles his thumbs over her nipples through her pink lacy bra, feeling them harden beneath his touch.

Instead of keeping up his attention to her breasts, his hands reach down to take hold of her thighs and he presses her tighter against the wall. In response, she tightens her hold on his neck, her mouth once against searching out his as she wraps her legs around his waist, locking her ankles around him. His hands move up to her butt, holding her firmly against him as he maneuvers them from the nursery into their bedroom and over to the bed. Leaning over, he loosens his grip on her laying her down on the bed, his eyes trail over her, capturing her beauty once again. She smiles at him, seeing the adoration in his eyes. "I'm just so..." he manages, but is stopped with her hand moving to cover his mouth.

"I love you, Luke. That's all that matters anymore," she tells him seriously, hoping he feels the weight of her honest words. Reaching up to grab her wrist, he places a kiss against her hand and then lower on her wrist. Letting go of that, he bends down to place a kiss on her mouth. He nods to let her know he understands. She smiles again, shuffling so that she's fully on the bed, reaching out for him. He places his hand in hers, crawling up to settle himself down next to her. Reaching around, he unclasps and removes her bra, his eyes settling again on her perfect breasts. Tipping his head forward, he places a kiss against her lips, his hands settling over her breasts, moving in circles and she arches towards him. She moans as he tweaks her hard nipples with between his thumb and forefingers. Bending his head lower, he takes one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking gently as he knows she likes it. As he moves his mouth to lavish attention on her other breast, his hand moving to cover the one his mouth just left, she wraps her hands around his head, running her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, if that was possible.

He pulls back and reaches behind her to unzip her skirt. He grabs hold of both her skirt and panties and removes them, his hands quickly returning to the soft skin of her thighs. He attempts to slide his hand up to feel her heat, but she is quicker as she loosens his belt and unbuttons his jeans, quickly doing away with both his jeans and boxers. As he settles on top of her, his eyes trail up her body to match with hers, finding her looking at him with such intensity, such want and need, that kicks his arousal up another notch. "Luke, please," she begs, wanting to go slowly but knowing she's going to burst beneath his passionate gaze if he waits any longer, she can feel his arousal pressing into her thigh and appreciates that he is just as ready. She circles her hips beneath him for emphasis.

After ostitioning himself at her entrance, he runs his hands back up her thighs, over the curve of her butt and hips, up the sides of her breasts and up her arms, pulling them above her head. His hands pause momentarily at her wrists but continue on to her hands. He looks down at her with a look that she perceives as tender and loving, but wild with desire. "I love you," he says meaning every one of the three beautiful words. Though normally her fingers would lay free, this time she interlaces their fingers, holding his hands tightly in her own and she knows she's seeing his soul as well. He's completely open to her just as she is vulnerable to him. "I love you," he repeats, his heart full from the tenderness in her eyes and he dips his head down to place one more kiss against her lips as he slowly enters her, filling her completely, just as his presence and his smile and his love has always filled her heart.

They make love slowly, not taking their eyes off of each other the entire time as the moonlight streams in the window, reflecting a light in their eyes that beams with the love they feel inside. It was more than sex, more than making love, it was a unification, a coming together, not just for Gabriel, but for themselves. And in the moment of their climax, as each cries out the other's name in pleasure, the glow from the moon encompasses both, as if their heart and souls are joined for all eternity.

Afterwards, he rolls off of her, pulling her tightly against him, both panting for breath, feeling no less satiated than the first time they made love that first night beneath the orange plaid sheets of the bed in his old apartment over the diner. She lays her head on his shoulder and he turns his face, placing a kiss on her forehead. Her hands play with his as his right hand brushes against her curls, then lowering to settle on her hip. Her left hand ends up resting over the muscles of his abs and he quickly covers hers with his. She looks down at it, lifting up her hand so she can look at theirs, seeing his large hand covering her own long slender one. Their silver rings rest one on top of each other, so alike, a pair, as they are, joining them together forever. He watches her expression as she stares at their hands, as she slowly gnaws on her lower lip, a conflicted expression in her eyes and he thinks he almost sees tears once again in her eyes.

He lifts his fingers up to pull hers down so he can hold onto hers from underneath. "Lorelai," he says softly, hoping that the sound of her name running over his lips will make her smile, but she doesn't.

"Luke, will you promise me something?" she asks, looking up to gaze into his eyes, her expression nothing but questions marks. His right hand moves up to grasp her elbow, his thumbs tracing circles over her soft skin, as her left turns to hold his, her fingers playing with the band on his ring finger.

"I already promised to love and cherish you for the rest of our lives," he jokes receiving a tender smile in response, even a slight one within the worry of her eyes.

"Baby, something else," she says and his heart skips a beat. He had almost forgotten his love for the pet names she gave him. One would think that he, Luke Danes, would never be one to care for girlish nicknames like that, but each time one left her mouth he couldn't help but be moved by each one. Not that he would ever think to use one for her. Her name, Lorelai, no matter the meaning, was the most beautiful name he had ever heard, he couldn't help but think that there was never a name more suited for the woman lying naked against him. To call her something like 'sweetheart' wouldn't do her justice and to shorten her name to something like 'Lor' would do her name little justice as well.

"I want you to promise me that you will be open with me. Communication. That's where we got lost. What we do here, is all very well and good, and yes, it is good, great actually," she says with an arch to her eyebrow and a flirtatious ring to her tone. "But we need to communicate. Anything bad. Anything good. Anything wonderful. Anything terrible. Never hesitate to tell me. We're more than just lovers, Luke. We're husband and wife. We're best friends."

She seems almost fearful in her tone, timid in her gaze. He knows it's not that she's afraid to request this from him, it's more than that. She's afraid of what might happen if he doesn't follow through with his promise, if she can't do the same in response. She's afraid of losing him again. "You betcha," he finally chokes out, trying to keep his tone light though he's feeling a little choked up himself from the strength and intensity of her words. "You need to promise the same."

He watches as her lips curve into a smile, seeming like a weight has been lifted off of her. "You got it, Dude," she responds, laughing as she says this. She lets go of his hand to run her fingers over the stubble of cheek, gazing up into his eyes with a girlish smile before she leans in to kiss him again.


	14. Chapter 14

The morning light streams through the blinds, blanketing her in a radiance as if she descended from heaven. Though he knows he should just let her sleep after their lovemaking that went late into the night, she was so exhausted when she finally fell asleep, but the smile on her face had revealed nothing but contentment and satisfaction. He had watched her for a moment or so before closing his eyes, knowing that this was a moment he wanted to savor forever, like the first time he had laid eyes on her on that warm summer's day over ten years ago.

His mother had once warned that a human brain can only store so many memories, only so many moments can one savor for all time, so he must chose which are important, and sometimes they choose themselves. He can't remember the day his parents brought Liz home from the hospital, but he'll never forget the look on Liz's face the day she brought Gabriel home from the hospital. He can't remember the days he was separated from Lorelai during their first breakup and the second, they all seem to run together, but he can remember the pleading look on her face when he broke up with her in Doose's market and when she begged him to elope with her. And maybe he doesn't want to remember those expressions, but he knows he should, he needs them as a reminder of the man he had been, of how he had treated her like she didn't matter, like she wasn't the only person in the world he couldn't live without.

But the look on her face as she fell asleep last night and the peaceful expression he sees on her now as he lifts up his head and looks over her shoulder, these are images he wants to remember. So that whenever he misses her, even if just during the day while she's at work, he can conjure up this picture in his mind and his heart will fill once again. "I love you, Lorelai," he whispers placing a small kiss on the tip of her shoulder. "You are my heart." He places kisses down her arm, as he pulls the blanket down to reveal her pale skin to his view. Leaning over her, to see if she's awake, he lightly runs his hand over her bare arms and then forward to over her flat stomach, and watches as her lips curve up slightly, though her eyelids remain closed. He presses his face into her shoulder, breathing in what was once a familiar scent to him, a sweet, fruity, exotic scent, so very Lorelai in nature. "Forever Lorelai. Forever," he whispers before lowering his lips to nibble at her neck.

She lets out a soft sigh, turning her head even more to give him better access. He nips and kisses at her neck, his hand tracing circles over the soft skin of her stomach, knowing he's arousing her more every second. As he moves his hand off, she whines quietly, missing his touch, wanting more and more. So he acquiesces, as she knew he would, placing his hand back on her collarbone, his arm wrapped beneath hers, his fingers tracing back and forth over the bone. He moves his hand down further to palm her breasts, taking time to touch and squeeze each one, his fingers tweaking her nipples as she arches in to his hand and moans. Every sound from her lips is music to his ears, each noise just a note in the melody of the song he missed when he laid alone in bed without her.

As he slowly slides his hand back down her body, when she would normally buck her hips towards his hand, he instead her feels her hand grab his wrist tightly. He pauses his lips on her neck and glances again over her shoulder, seeing a darkened expression on her face and without asking, he knows why. Last night, their lovemaking had been equal, give and take, give and take, both ways, both coming again and again together. But this morning, he did as he used to, he was worshiping her, happy just to make her as satisfied as he can, but he knows, nothing had changed in her feelings about herself. She had always been quick to forgive, anyone, it didn't matter. Rory was forgiven as quickly as she had left Lorelai's life. When he had returned to her arms after their long month apart back in February of 2005, she had forgiven him without question. Even Emily and Christopher were forgiven for trying to tear her away from the man she loved, something that he had often wished she hadn't done. But that was her way, she could excuse anyone and anything but her own faults, she believed she was the worst kind of person. He knows that he if doesn't force her to, she might never forgive herself for sleeping with Christopher, she might hate herself forever, she is truly her own worst enemy. "You can forgive yourself, Lorelai," he whispers, his lips barely a centimeter away from her ear.

As he gazes upon her, she closes her eyes tightly and he knows that she's hearing his words again and trying to follow his direction. Before she lifts her eyelids, he feels her grip relax on his wrist, slowly but surely her fingertips brush down his arm, almost as a thank you for allowing her this moment, giving her leave to pardon herself. She opens her eyes as a tear slips down her cheek, absolving her of her sins, ones she believed were unpardonable. He presses a kiss onto her shoulder, almost right where her neck begins to curve up and he feels her head move up and down, a nod to let him know it's okay, that she's ready, that she agrees that she needs to let go. So he skims his hand lower, slipping his fingers into the part between her legs, feeling her hot and ready for him. And as he dips his fingers inside of her and rubs gently against her core, circling them slowly at first, his lips never leave the spot of skin he had picked out on her creamy shoulder. As his fingers pick up speed, rubbing and circling faster, dipping again and again deep with in her, she begins to moan and soon the room is filled with nothing but the sounds of her whimpers and moans followed by cries of his name as she finally lets go.

After her breathing slows, she turns to lay flat on her back, reaching across her body for his left bicep and pulling him on top of her. She had felt his arousal pressing in her back and knew that he was just as ready as she had been. Again he slides his hands up to grasp her hands and interlaces their fingers. He looks down at her, seeing the morning light in her eyes, but now even more than that, he can see everything, their future, not their current children, not Gabriel, but more than that, he sees their unborn child, and he sees how her eyes shine with eternal love. "I love you," he whispers thickly, the rush of emotions he's feeling at the moment apparent in every word. Pressing his lips to hers, softly at first but then with more intensity as he slides deep within her. She circles her hips and he begins to thrust, pulling out and back in slowly, bending his head down to kiss her deeply as he thrusts again and again. They make love slowly and tenderly, wanting each moment to last, wanting to savor every last second together, although they know that they now have the rest of their lives together. Soon she is crying out his name again as her climax sends vibrations throughout her body, sending Luke over the edge, releasing deep within her as he calls out her name in ecstasy.

Once they both have recovered, both feeling more content and sated than they had almost since the morning after their engagement, they shower and dress. Luke takes a moment as Lorelai does her hair to call April and invite her to breakfast, knowing that Rory is on her way with Gabriel. This would be the best time he can think of to bring them all together as a family for the first time. As she comes out of the bathroom and grabs a pair of sweatpants, she flashes him a smile and he can't imagine how he ever thought he could have lived without these moments, these simple everyday moments. He's about to say something to her, he isn't sure what, but something, something that he feels should be said, but a sound from downstairs stops him.

Lorelai's face lights up as she grabs her robe off the floor and runs out of the room, still tying the sash around her waist. "Gabriel," she exclaims and he quickly picks up a t-shirt to follow her down the hall. When she reaches the bottom of the stairs, she gasps in girlish delight, clapping her hands together and pressing them to her lips. Though her grown daughter is standing right in front of her, Lorelai can't seem to take her eyes off of Gabriel. Her face lights up as he twists in Rory's arm and notices her, reaching out towards her. "Can I?" Lorelai asks, reaching out her arms for the boy. Rory nods and places Gabriel in Lorelai's arms, which immediately wrap around the boy, holding him against her body. "Hi Sweet Boy. Hi. Did you have a good time with Dawn? I'm so happy you still have all your limbs," she coos to him, lifting him up in her arms and nuzzling her nose to his.

Luke finally walks down the stairs, his gaze stuck on the picture in front of him of his wife cuddling the baby in her arms. He remembers his dream back during the night after she proposed. It's eerie how similar that matches to the scene in front of him. The only difference is that the baby in his dreams was their child, his and hers, their son that they conceived together and raised together and loved together. And more than anything he's overcome by the desire for the whole trial to be over and Gabriel to finally be theirs. They've come so far, him and Lorelai, in just these few hours, and now with Gabriel home, things are finally seeing to be turning out just as they should.

"Oh oh, you know that hurts when you grab onto Auntie Lorelai's hair, right Baby?" she coos, unwrapping his fingers around the strands of her long dark hair. She glances over at Rory and winks. "So things went okay? The drop off and pick up and everything? Man, I sound like he's little more than ransom money." Rory laughs. Lorelai shakes her head as Gabriel lays his head on her shoulder, grabbing her robe in his fists instead, and Lorelai rubs his back, rocking him in her arms. "Come on Kid, spill."

Rory shrugs. She watches her mother hold the boy, never really having seen Lorelai with a baby in her arms. It seems completely natural to her, like something she could have seen every day. And then Luke walks down the stairs to stand next to Lorelai, resting his hand on her lower back, he runs his fingers over Gabriel's hand, placing a kiss there as well. To Rory, it's like she's watching a little family come together. As she watches Lorelai looks up into Luke's eyes with a tenderness that can only come from deep and true affection and he looks down at her and Gabriel like a father and a husband who is so filled with devotion to his family that they are all that matters to him in the world. And suddenly she feels like a third wheel, like she doesn't belong. In her head she can hear that little annoying song they sang in preschool. _One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn't belong._ Here in her house, in the place where she grew up, in the home that her mother had chosen as the perfect place to raise her, she feels out of place. This is no longer her home, this is their home and she realizes that it has been that way for a long time. It's been Luke and Lorelai's home since she moved out to Hartford almost two years ago, since her mother proposed to Luke and he decided to move in, since they renovated the whole place to make it their home, to make it feel like a place that both of them could identify with.

"Rory?" Lorelai says, wondering why her daughter hasn't answered her. She had let herself get caught up in the moment of Luke standing by her side, looking down at her adoringly, looking at Gabriel like every bit the proud Papa. And it isn't that she doesn't want this. Her husband. Her 'son'. But Rory is her angel girl, Rory's the one person she depended on for 20 years, the only person that had mattered in her life. She had given up for much for Rory, had done everything in her power to make sure that Rory's life was as close to perfect as she could get. But there's a difference between the love of a child and the love she has for Luke. Her love for Luke is so real, so pure, so constant, it's so deep and wonderful that she can scarcely breathe when thinking about him. Somehow she feels that if he were all she had left in the world, if Armageddon really happened and all that was left was Luke by her side, it would be enough. Dayenu. And she giggles quietly after hearing that Hebrew word in her mind, she'll have to tell Sookie that something stuck after the Rosenblum's Passover Seder at the inn a few weeks ago.

"I guess it was…." Rory trails off, because she doesn't know how to explain what she saw with Dawn. And then she notices it, something's different. She sees Luke's hand on her mother's back. She sees the way they're standing so that Lorelai and Gabriel are practically leaning into Luke. She sees the way that Lorelai looks up at Luke with her eyes shining, a look of contentment on her face that Rory hasn't seen in so long. "Wait a second… are you… did you… are you back…?" Rory attempts over and over to ask what she's dying to know.

Lorelai just grins, a blissful grin that spreads over her face and lights up the world as it sparkles. "Yes, we are," she answers, her delight clear through the tone of her voice. Rory's eyes light up and she looks from Lorelai to Luke, watching as he blushes but can't keep himself from grinning as well, and she knows it's real. Only her mother, only Lorelai Gilmore, could get a man, who hides his emotions as much as Luke Danes, to grin like an idiot.

"Really!" Rory exclaims, dropping the baby bag on the ground and running the short distance over to Luke and Lorelai and throwing her arms around them. "Oh this is so fabulous!" Luke awkwardly puts his arm around Rory as Lorelai can't with Gabriel in her arms. As she steps back, Rory also can't keep from smiling. Yes, she had her doubts at first, about how this whole thing would work out, she didn't think it was right, her mother marrying Luke even though she loved him, she thought it might never work out, her mother might spend her whole life dreaming that her marriage is more than it is. But now, as she glances from Lorelai to Luke and back, taking in the whole scene in front of her, the happy family, the look on her mother's face, it's clear proof that her doubts were preposterous. They were meant to be together, they just needed time. "This is better than when Grandma and Grandpa patched things up!"

Lorelai rolls her eyes. "I would hope so," she mutters. She feels Luke circle his hand, almost comfortingly, on her back.

There's a silence in the living room for a moment, not an awkward silence, more like giving a chance for the reality of the new situation to sink in. Finally Luke clears his throat and reaches for Gabriel. "Why don't I take him upstairs and change him, give you two some time for… whatever. Then I'll make breakfast before April gets here," he suggests. Lorelai stills her hands as she's in the process of giving the baby to Luke, her eyebrows raised, her jaw dropped, completely shocked. "I… I just thought she could… you know… come over for breakfast. Since, you know, Rory's here… I mean I knew she would be… here, I mean… and all." She slowly relaxes her grip on Gabriel once Luke has the boy safely in his arms. As he moves to cradle the baby against his chest, her look goes from amazement to awe, unbelievably overcome by Luke's gesture.

Yes it seemed clear that he was accepting her presence in April's life. He had offered to let her join him and April to Liz's burial. He had asked her to join him when he picked up April to go to Maryland for their wedding. He had brought April over unexpectedly just to move in the house and after had taken them all to dinner, together. She wanted to believe that things were different, that somehow things had changed on the whole April issue but there was something constantly gnawing at her. April's a great girl, she can see that, she can see past April's smarts and chattering to see her similarities to her father, their love for family, their way of pleasing people, their understanding that when times get rough that you just pull together with those close to you and seek shelter from the storm. The thing is, she wanted to know that a long time ago, back when they were really engaged. Something about the fact that now that they're married Luke feels all right with bringing her around doesn't seem right. Then again, if he's forgiven her for all that she did, she should just allow the past to become what it is, the past, and somehow try to adjust to the fact that April's going to be in her life, in their life, and Luke wants her there.

"Okay," she says softly, the sense of awe still clear through and through. He leans down and kisses her softly on the lips, her heart skipping a beat as if it wasn't something she had ever been accustomed to. Her eyes follow him as he carries Gabriel up the stairs as if he might disappear and never come back if she didn't watch him. Her heart is so full at this moment that breathing has become voluntary. As she turns back to face her daughter, she can't contain the smile on her face, it's like she just bit into an orange and the peel is forcing her lips into an upwards curve, but she knows it's not an orange peel, it's Luke, he's the reason, he'll always be the reason.

Rory can't help but see this as well. "Mom, you look happy. Radiant." And she does, it's like the sun is shining right through her, like there could be a giant blackout and a huge black storm cloud over head but the room and the house could still be lit up by Lorelai's brilliant smile and the glow that surrounds her. Whatever Rory is feeling about the whole situation doesn't matter, because this is right, just the sparkle in her mother's eyes proves it, that Lorelai is happy, happier than Rory can ever remember. It's more than that. Her look shows something more than just happiness. _My point is that it's scary to be in love, that much I know, but it's also wonderful and special and if you can't say it or fully express it then you're never gonna be able to experience it. I'm not saying you say "I love you" at the drop of a hat. It has to be right and real and it has to take a lot of thought. But someday with someone it will be right._ Her mother's words from 6 years ago ring in her mind and she realizes what she's seeing in Lorelai's eyes. "You really love him, don't you?" Lorelai purses her lips, blushing for a moment, looking away as she sees Luke in her mind again, the way he looked at her this morning, like she was all that mattered in the world.

As she looks back over at Rory, a soft smile spreads across her face. "I fall in love with Luke more every time I see him so…" Lorelai chuckles softly to herself, knowing that was the complete and honest truth, but it was just surprising to actually hear the words out of her mouth. Saying the words, actually voicing them only made them more real, like when she told Anna that what she and Luke had was real, what she and Luke had was a long time coming. It was the truth, she had known it, she and Luke were always supposed to be together, they were fated, despite Luke's skepticism of the whole idea of things being meant to be.

She looks back at Rory, whose expression seems conflicted. "Oh Hun, you know you're my angel girl right?" Lorelai asks, holding out a hand to Rory, who kind of rolls her eyes, blushing, but then throws her arms around her mother. She feels a little embarrassed by the fact that she was a little jealous of the whole thing, but this was her house, Lorelai was her world. Yet, she feels a little guilty because when she came back from finding herself, she had hoped that her relationship with her mother would be exactly the same as it had been before, in the days when it was just them against the world. But that didn't happen. Because Lorelai had found Luke, well she had Luke before, but while Rory was gone Lorelai had centered her life around Luke, he had been her support, her legs to stand on when she felt she would fall, he had become the one she could depend on to always be there. Rory just couldn't fault him for that, she had left her mother with nothing, she had moved out without looking back, she didn't have a right to want her mother not to find someone to fill what Rory had left behind. "Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine," Lorelai sings softly in Rory's ear.

Rory giggles and steps back. "Oh Mom, I love ya, but you don't belong in a Disney movie."

"Hey I was going for Beaches!" Lorelai exclaims as the doorbell rings. Rory watches as Lorelai's face pales slightly, her gaze flipping to stare in the direction of the front door. Before she can consider what to say or do, Luke lumbers down the stares carrying a much cleaner Gabriel in his arms. He pauses for a second, glancing from his wife to his step-daughter and then meanders over to the door to let April in.

The morning continues on just as Luke had imagined it would. He makes French toast, while the ladies play with Gabriel, and they all sit down at the kitchen table to eat together. April chats about school, which interests Rory, and as they chat Lorelai eats silently, just watching them and Luke watches her. At times there is a hint of a smile on her face, like she is caught between actually loving that their daughters get along so well and sad that this is how it could have been so long ago. But at points there is a touch of worry in her eyes, when there is an awkward silence, when April babbles on in a language that is too fast and too big of a vocabulary for both him and Lorelai, and when things seem to be just a little too perfect. At those times, he quietly takes her hand and holds it warmly in his, until he sees her breathing return to normal and the sparkle return to her eyes. Maybe it is a little too perfect, maybe it seems unreal, but what they have in front of them could end up being what they had been working towards their whole lives. A family. And each other. And that little boy that now rests on his wife's chest as she sleeps on the couch in the living room, both with soft steady breathing, completely at peace with the world.


	15. Chapter 15

Lorelai stares out the window in front of her, the headlights of the cars passing in the opposite direction flash in her eyes. She can feel Luke's presence to her left and she can hear Gabriel's soft sighs from the cradle car seat in the back seat, but her mind was drifting. She can still hear Rory's words in her mind, the truth that Rory had disclosed to them a few nights ago.

After Anna had picked up April that evening, Lorelai had coerced Rory into finally revealing how things had gone with Dawn. The more she thought about Dawn Devers, the more fault she found in her own parenting skills. Dawn had found a way to include her family in Gabriel's life, as a single parent she had been able to own a place with enough room to create a whole nursery for Gabriel and on days that she had to work, she had found a wonderful daycare center for Gabriel to stay in that wasn't far from her work so she could visit with him during her breaks and lunch. Even if Lorelai had enough money, she would have never been able to give Rory all of that and with her and Luke, Gabriel would never know any more family, Luke was all the real family he would have. Would that be enough? Or would Julie Moss see that she and Luke were trying to keep Gabriel all to themselves and prefer that he be with more of his real family? It was just so hard to predict the whole thing and Lorelai had come up with multiple reasons that Julie would pick Dawn over herself and Luke.

True, Rory didn't seem to feel that way. She did seem to agree that Dawn had done her best to make room in her life for Gabriel. Rory said it seemed that Gabriel would also be happy with Dawn, in the arms of someone who also cared very much for him and wanted him to get to know his father's side of the family. But there was something that Rory had said that night that had stuck with her. "Mom, there's a difference between you guys and Dawn. To Dawn, Gabriel is an addition to her life. To you guys, Gabriel is the center of your life. It's so clear, so easy to see, if you just open your eyes," Rory told her as she helped Lorelai get Gabriel ready for bed that night. Lorelai had considered Rory's thoughts as she slowly buttoned up Gabriel's pajamas. Even the boy gurgling and blowing raspberries at her couldn't distract her from her thoughts, from wondering again if even now, after they had fixed things, that they should still be centering their lives around a boy they might never raise.

Luke's hand grasping hers startles her from her thoughts. She glances over at him to find him watching her and wonders for a second how he can take his eyes off the road for that long, until she realizes the car isn't moving. But the way he's looking at her isn't suggesting that he's letting her know they arrived at her parents' house, it's like he's reading her thoughts. Not that this is anything new, he always could, at least for the most part, and whatever kept him from doing that for those few months seems to have been nothing more than the biggest case of miscommunication in the post Nixon era. How she ever let it go on that long, she'll never know, because their ability to completely understand each other without a word passing between had kept her sane long before he kissed her on the porch of the Dragonfly. Other than Rory's constant devotion, it was the one thing she had depended on for over ten years now, the one thing she would give up almost anything that had ever been important to her for.

He watches as she looks back down at their hands smiling softly at the silver band on her finger reflected against the tanned skin of his hand. The smile was lovely and adorable but it doesn't seem to reach to her eyes that seem a sad blue, sad and worried. It is as if her eyes and smile belong on two completely different faces and he wonders which is the truth, suspecting that her eyes are revealing what she's trying to hide. His only concern is that she knows that she never has to hide anything from him, not a secret, not a feeling, not that he believes she would ever hide anything real from him, nothing big. He knows that now, she learned her lesson a few years ago when they had broken up after she hid her platonic visit with Christopher. Of course, he hadn't been so pleased with her new found love of telling the truth when she informed him of her night with Christopher early last May. It had killed him, the whole idea of it, the fact that she was hurting because of what he had done, or actually hadn't done, in so much pain that she went to Christopher, let him lay his hands on her, let him comfort her, let him lie with her. She was his, she was his girl, his perfect, wonderful, sweet, amazing woman that he had pledged his love to and then ignored his own vow by placing his daughter, his work, and most of his life before her, separating her out of his life as if she didn't belong.

The thing is, she does belong in his life, more than anyone ever belonged in his life, just as he belongs in hers, he knows that now. Well, he's known that for awhile, but now he knows what life would be like without her and knows that their lives are irreparably meshed.

He can still see the expression in her eyes as he walked up to the gazebo on June 3rd, the look mixed of loss and despair, shorn pieces of her wedding dress around her, a pair of scissors in her hands, mascara lines on her cheeks. His heart had leapt in his chest as he looked at her like a goddess ripped from the heavens, Persephone stolen from her mother's arms to live her life in Hades, wanting to go back to her mother, wanting to go back her the life she loved, but held back by her own sin, eating a bit of the evil fruit that would destroy her dream of a life of happiness forever. Though a part of him wanted to hold her tight, wipe away the misery that shrouded her, he wasn't ready. He had only come because it was June 3rd, it was the day he had ruined and he knew that he couldn't not see her on that day, that she needed to see him, just know that he knew the awful significance of the day. Silently she had stood and with shaking fingers had removed the glittering ring from her left hand, holding it between her fingers for a moment as she took one long last look at the last tie she had to him. Then, just as a tear fell from her mournful eyes, somehow managing to hit the gleaming diamond in a way that sent rays of light all around her, allowing her to seem, if only for a second, like she was an angel, like the skies had opened up and blazed her in a beam of glory. Laying the ring in his hand, the magic disappeared. He had taken his eyes from the ring up to look at her and all he had seen was the wretched person who had taken his heart full, held it in her small perfect hands, and smashed it into a million pieces that only she would know how to put back together. With a heavy heart, she had gathered up the pieces of silk and tulle, and had walked away and though he had no desire in that moment to chase after her, he was relieved that she had left the scissors behind.

He had known that if she got through that day she would be okay, at least able to put on a front to convince others that she would be able to make it through the rest of her days. That's why he had stayed away, that's why he had gone fishing, that's why he had gone out of his way to not have to face her for all those months. He would have know it was nothing more than a façade

Most people who ever knew Lorelai would remember her for the quick wit and pop references but it was the silence between, although sometimes only a few seconds long, that actually revealed who she really was deep inside. Maybe this was only clear to him as she tried to hide herself from most of the world, but it was the truth, precise and definite truth. It was in fact true that he loved her as much for her optimism and love of life as her extreme lack of self-worth and self-confidence. Sometimes it seemed that she was only a compliment to himself, weak when he was strong, thriving where he was lacking. Again he is reminded that it wasn't because she didn't love him that she had turned to Christopher, it was that she had lost faith in his love, had felt a part of her break away, the part that he had provided to keep her from falling to pieces. So broken, lost and empty, she had searched for a quick way to keep from falling apart. He knew that without him, she was no longer whole.

Lorelai gets out of the car and opens the back door to unlock the straps holding Gabriel to the car seat and lift him into her arms. As she does this, Luke gets out of the car and walks around to help her, grabbing the baby bag out of the backseat and placing it on his shoulder. Holding a whimpering Gabriel again her chest, she looks up at Luke, her expression now soulful. "Luke, you said with or without Gabriel?" she asks softly. He nods, remembering that he had said to that to convince her that he wanted to be with her no matter what, that he wanted their marriage to be real and not a farce, that it wasn't just the adoption of Gabriel that tied him to her, it was his deep eternal love for her that made him want to spend the rest of his life with her. "I want it to be with," she finishes so sincerely that it almost breaks his heart.

Leaning down and kissing her softly, he places one hand on the baby's back. Momentarily he rests his forehead against hers, breathing in her distinct smell that had made his heart ache whenever he thought about it for those six months. "I'd like nothing better than that. But you'll always have me and even if things don't go our way, we'll always love him," he tells her and places a kiss on her forehead. He pulls back as a car door slams behind them.

She glances over with alarm, but her face lights up in pleasure as Rory walks over to them. "Hey there Sweets," Lorelai says, her voice still seeming emotional. She and Rory share a one armed hug. "So, ready to face the Draytons?" Rory giggles, sharing a smile with Luke. He nods to her and she leads them to the door, Luke guiding Lorelai with a hand on the small of her back.

Only moments after ringing the bell, the front door opens to reveal a very proper looking Emily Gilmore. "Oh you… came…" Emily says, at first seeming delighted with the company standing in front of her but with a second look, her tone becomes bitter. Lorelai purses her lips, knowing full well why her mother is so displeased with the group. When her mother had called the day before to request her presence at Friday Night Dinner, Lorelai had somewhat purposely 'forgotten' to mention that her husband and nephew would be joining her. It wasn't that she wanted to make Luke uncomfortable, far from that, it was more of a test, a final test, she needed to finally know if Emily would ever accept her life as it was. It wouldn't do to give Emily enough notice to prepare the same treatment she had once had for her grandmother Trix. "Hello Luke, I wasn't aware that you would be joining us," Emily greets Luke with a sickly sweet voice.

"He's my husband, Mom. These wedding rings weren't a gag gift you know," Lorelai half-grumbles, half-jokes. She and Emily share a hard look for a moment, until finally Emily gives in and steps back, allowing the family to step inside. She watches as Emily turns her gaze from Luke to the baby in her arms and she grins, moving Gabriel to her hip. "Have you met Gabriel?" Lorelai asks innocently.

"No, I haven't. It is nice to meet you Gabriel," Emily replies shortly, causing Lorelai to chortle with laughter. "What?"

"Mom, he's six months old, he has no idea what you just said!" Lorelai exclaims but Emily only arches an eyebrow in response.

"Come along," Emily says and walks away. Rory glances back at Luke, who shrugs, and she walks into the living room. He looks over at his wife, both taking a deep breath, sharing a look of understanding.

She can tell that he knows her secret plan, he always knew when she was up to something, but somehow she doesn't care. This is going to be the last time she lets her mother hold back her dreams because she's waiting for Emily's approval. That's over. She married Luke. She's hoping to adopt Gabriel. She's about to turn 39, it's finally time to make her own decisions. "My boyfriend's back and you're gonna get in trouble," she sings softly electing a grudging grin from Luke. She smiles back and then takes Gabriel's small hand in her fingers. "Hey na, Hey na, my boyfriend's back," she sings to the boy in her arms and he gurgles back at her.

With a nod, Luke guides his wife and nephew into the living room. "Hello Luke, Lorelai," Richard says stiffly nodding to each and handing Luke a beer. Lorelai raises an eyebrow at Emily and shakes her head, not wanting to get into it again. Luke leads her over to the couch and they sit, Lorelai adjusting Gabriel to sit in her lap, leaning in towards Luke, who wraps an arm around Lorelai. Richard sets a glass of wine on the table in front of Lorelai and hands a glass to Rory, who sits next to Emily on the opposite couch, before settling himself in one of the chairs.

They all sit in an awkward silence, glancing at each other, except Lorelai who turns her attentions to Gabriel, turning him to face her. She tickles his tummy and he grabs onto her fingers as he giggles and she giggles as well. "So, Rory, are you all prepared to graduate? It's less than two months away," Richard asks, turning his attentions to his granddaughter. This gives Luke leave to stop politely focusing on his new in-laws and whispers something in Lorelai's ear, which makes her smile broader and she laughs. Luke reaches into the baby bag and pulls out the Rock-A-Stack rings that Lorelai had claimed no baby should do without. They proceed to unstuck and restack the rainbow colored rings, handing them to Gabriel, who flaps his hand, squealing in delight.

From across the room, Emily is the only one still watching the Danes's. The pure look of exhilaration covers Lorelai's face as she takes pleasure in the company of her husband and nephew. As Emily watches her daughter, she wonders if she ever really knew her at all. This man came from nowhere years ago and had entrenched himself into the lives of her daughter and granddaughter. It isn't that she doesn't like the man, he's a good man, he loves her girls, he seems to go out of his way for them. No, it's not that. She fears him, she has since the moment she met him when she watched her daughter throw her arms around him at her granddaughter's sixteenth birthday party. She had known right then, right at that moment, that her daughter had feelings for him, that maybe the reason Lorelai tried to hide was because these were feelings far different from anything she had ever experienced before. Emily had always thought that eventually Lorelai would see the light and come home to the safety of this house, to the security of her parents' money. But this man… In an instant, he had offered Lorelai all this and more, patience, tenderness, and love. Just as she had always feared, Lorelai had found in this man what she had never found in Emily, no longer could she ever have any hope that Lorelai would come home.

But, yet, she seems so inordinately content.

"So, when do you finally hear from the judge about Gabriel?" Emily asks. Lorelai freezes and glances up at her, completely stunned. There wasn't a hint of sarcasm in her mother's voice, not a bit of cynicism, not a touch of scorn. Maybe she had been too quick to judge her mother. Indeed it had been shocking when Emily shared in her bereavement back at the realtors last April when Lorelai had finally given into what she felt was the truth that Luke no longer wanted to marry her, that he no longer loved her at all, just as she had always feared.

She feels Luke's hand rub her shoulder and she smiles over at her mother. "We're meeting with the lawyers and the judge this week. Little Elian Gonzalez here is very excited," Lorelai responds with a wink at the boy in her lap.

* * *

The wind blows her hair out of her face as she walks silently beside him, pushing the stroller in front of her. Normally, even on a beautiful day like today, on a nice walk like this, she'd be chattering away about Rory, the movie she saw last night, and how Apricot had killed a mouse in their backyard last week. But this wasn't the place and time for that. Not at all. This cemetery was too solemn, too somber, even in a large group, one would get lost in the solitude that this place presents 

She looks around at the splendor that surrounds her. Yes, an odd word to use for a cemetery, but the only true one. There are miles upon miles of small gravestones, all very similar, but each engraved with a distinctive epitaph written by loved ones, interspersed with a few monuments, not gothic ones as are seen in many cemeteries, but angels looking over those passed long ago. She knows there is some history to be discovered here in this cemetery, soldiers grieved after dangerous battles, children laid to rest soon after birth, families laid side by side in hopes that they would be together for eternity. The grass beneath her feet is greener than the dye she put in her hair on St. Patrick's Day two years ago, it's so bright green and brilliant that it almost seems like fake grass, but she know that's impossible, Taylor would never allow it. In fact the blue of the sky on this quiet March day only leads her to believe that the month really is going to go out like a lamb.

Finally Luke slows to stroll and then stops in front of the graves he has been looking for. William Patrick Danes. Charlotte Luisa Danes. She hears him slowly draw in a breath and loudly, gradually release it. Returning to her role of dutiful wife, she lets him be with his thoughts for a moment, looking down at the gravestones, but out of the corner of her eye she sees his hand. He's reaching out, he's reaching for her, but his eyes are still focused on the names in front of him. She places her hand in his, interlacing their fingers, squeezing his hand tightly. He can dwell as much as much as he wants in the gloomy memories of his past, but as long as she knows that he needs her by his side to keep him grounded, then she'll stand silently by, letting her presence free him from the guilt and sadness that shrouds him in this place.

He drops to his knees, his hand slipping from hers as he lands on the ground at the foot of his parents' graves. Lorelai can only think to lay a hand on his shoulder, supporting him in any way she can. His face seems lax and dark, so familiar an expression to her, like those dark days after Liz died, or the two November 30th that had passed during their relationship. She knows that look, that expression, and it never ceases to make her get choked up, make her throat close, make her jelly-like inside and ready to cry at any moment. "She should be here," he says softly, mournfully, and she wants to throw her arms around him but she can't, he's not ready for that yet and she thinks he knows that too. There's an odd sound that comes from him just then, like a sob has gotten caught.

She drops to her knees next to him, taking his left hand in both of hers. "Luke, where would she want to be?" she asks, knowing that he'll know the true answer to her question. He drops his chin to his chest and takes a deep breath, then he looks over at her and she has to bite her lower lip to keep from gasping. He just looks so sad and lost, there's really no other way to describe it. He seems to be searching for a way out and all she can hope is that he finds it within her. She feels him fidget his hand, grasping hers tightly, and she knows that he is using her as the light to guide him.

He glances back at the gravestones. "It's just that… I want to be buried with them when I die," he says and then takes her other hand in his. "Lorelai, promise me you'll do that." She can feel her face go white and releases one of her hands to search for the ground as she feels her knees weaken and she falls back. In fact, she lets go of both of his hands, her other hand moving up to cover her mouth as she concentrates on breathing for a moment.

"Luke I know… I know you love your parents," she manages, the thought of Luke dying flashing through her mind and bringing on the start of a panic attack. She stares up at him and reaches for him, wanting to feel him, wanting to know he's there, he's with her, he's alive. Leaning forward and wrapping her arms around his midsection, she lays her head on his chest, listening intently to the beat of his heart. It's the sound of life flowing through him and she knows her heart is pulsing with his because his life is her life and without him she is nothing. "When I die, I want to be wherever you are," she says, muffled by the flannel that covered his chest.

He wraps his arms around her, holding her tight to him, fearing that he may have scared her by his dark thoughts. "But your parents…" He feels her shake her head and realizes the depth of what she's vowing. To promise eternal devotion is extreme, especially for the woman in his arms, he knows this, he knows her fears, that she worries, as he does, that everyone he's ever loved will eventually leave him. He's managed through Liz's death and the deaths of both of his parents, but Lorelai's would be something different, something he's not sure he could overcome. Lifting his hand, he places his fingers underneath her chin and tilts her face up to look at him. "You are my family. I would follow you anywhere," he tells her earnestly and hears her breath catch in her throat. Her chin trembles and he can see her eyes fill with tears, as he struggles to maintain control of his own emotions. "And I know…" he begins but trails off when his voice cracks.

She chews on her lower lips for a moment, just gazing up into his eyes. "And you know I would never leave. Because this is my home, this town is where I belong. You are all I need, my entire family," she vows. All he can think of to do at the moment is to lower his lips to hers, capturing his lips in a long, sweet, tender, emotional kiss. She lifts her hands to his cheeks to hold his lips to hers just a bit longer as a few tears drift down her cheeks, but as she pulls back, she realizes that the small drop of water on her hand came from his eyes and not her own.

Nodding his chin towards the stroller that sits next to her, she smiles softly. She turns and unbuckles Gabriel, lifting him into her arms and sitting back. Luke does the same, pulling her to sit between his legs, so he's wrapping both his wife and nephew in his arms at once, like they are one cohesive person. Pressing a kiss on to Lorelai's shoulder, he reaches his hand towards Gabriel, who grabs onto his finger in childish delight. Even though the entire day has been full grave and somber tones, he can't help but smile. "Mom, Dad, I'd like you to meet your grandson, Gabriel and your daughter, Lorelai," he says placing a hand on the grass over his father's final resting place.

Lorelai feels her heart clench in her chest as Luke speaks his firm and tender words. The remark is so magical, it lights her heart on fire and makes it melt all at the same time. And yet here she is, wrapped in Luke, holding Gabriel in her lap, and it seems almost that the world has come to an end right at this moment, that the Earth has stopped spinning on its axis and everything else has ceased to exist, that the solitude she felt in this place, in this cemetery has enveloped her and her nephew and her husband all together into one complete package, one perfect little family.


	16. Chapter 16

Is she dreaming? It seems like she's dreaming. She remembers that dream she had, well actually a few times, back during the summer that Rory was away in DC. The memory of it flashed through her mind thousands and thousands of times since she first got together with Luke, even more after they got engaged. It had seemed like maybe, just maybe, her dream wasn't at all about what Rory had prophesized but maybe she had done a Miss Cleo type of thing, maybe deep down she had known that the dream would come true. One day she'd wake up, in that fabulous nightgown, and Luke would be in the kitchen cooking her breakfast. He'd change her coffee and talk to her stomach, and he'd kiss her. Oh, he'd kiss her. Amazingly enough, even in her dreams, Luke had been a fabulous kisser. She remembers that Dream Lorelai had held his lips to hers, wanting the kiss to last just a few seconds longer, keep him in their house with her for just a few moments more.

She had been pregnant, she remembers. With twins. She smiles to herself now and feels Luke's hand squeeze hers. How she'd love for that massive hand that holds hers tight, to also hold a child with in it. Not just Gabriel. Her child. Their child. Yes, she loves Gabriel. Yes, she loves Rory and April. But sometimes, even lately, she's been feeling a yearning for her own child, for her own child with Luke.

When Rory and Lane had once been obsessed with the book _Sarah Plain and Tall_, back in the 3rd grade, they had a late night movie night when they watched both the movie and the sequel, _Skylark_. After tucking them in bed, Lane hadn't even made it through the first ten minutes of _Skylark_, Lorelai had watched the second half of the movie alone. Sarah had wanted a baby with her husband Jacob, she wanted it so bad she had dreamt of him, she had dreamt of the touch of her baby's skin and the aroma of her baby's smell, long before she ever knew she was pregnant. At the time, Lorelai had almost scoffed at this, having not had this reaction to Rory's conception, but now it was different. She wanted a child with Luke too and in the month since they had fixed things between them, she had dreamed of little else but a baby, their baby. The feeling that entrapped her heart every morning when she held Gabriel in her arms was the strongest guilt she had ever felt but she loves Gabriel, that is undeniable, and even if she were to have a child with Luke, she wouldn't love him any less.

Luke lets go of her hand, moving his palm to her lower back as he guides her up the steps of the gazebo. She smiles at him, somehow having known exactly where he was leading her since they began their walk around town. It was just pleasant to walk along in silence, hand in hand, their fingers interlaced, letting the peaceful atmosphere of Stars Hollow at night, the dark of the sky, the glitter of the stars over head, the monotonous tones of crickets, embrace them and just let them feel in the moment. The cool breeze blowing past them in the warm air of the early spring of late March made the silence brim with a gentle, but also sultry, electricity. At times during their walk to the gazebo, Lorelai hadn't been sure if she wanted to just sit on the ground and let the world be at peace around her or grab Luke and press him against the wall, kissing him passionately pressing eager and lustful kisses all over his face and neck.

Finding herself up in the gazebo, her hands on the railing, looking around at the still surroundings in front of her. Luke's hands rest on either side of hers, his chest leaning against her back, his chin on her shoulder and his cheek pressed against her hair. If you were to take a picture of them at this moment, you could write for hours and never be able to fully describe what you were looking at.

This moment is so perfect, a memory she knows she'll keep with her forever, but it seems important to remember how they got here, to this place, at this time. The meeting in the afternoon had started out as a very nerve-wracking process. Only a day before they had received a call from Mr. Coffer, Luke's lawyer, now their lawyer, really he had always been their lawyer but she had just termed him in her mind as Luke's lawyer. He had informed them that this next meeting would take place in the judge's chambers rather than the actual courtroom. She had assumed that was supposed to ease the tension from the group, but the moment she walked in the room with Luke, she had felt her palms begin to sweat and the color drain from her face.

Luke had lead her over to the table, letting the lawyer sit on one side of him and pulling out the chair on the other side of him for his wife. Mr. Coffer had pulled him aside for a moment, just reminding him that he and Lorelai should let him take care of the whole thing, that he would makes sure everything went their way. As Luke walked back to the table, he had found Lorelai still frozen beside her pulled out chair, her eyes focused on the table. Squeezing her shoulder affectionately, he had kissed her cheek. "He'll be ours in no time," he promised her in a low voice, trying to convince himself at the same time. She had looked over at him with only question marks in her eyes.

It wasn't like last time. Last time she had been angry. Last time she had been also fearful, but actually worried that she would get stuck in this life rather than concerned that she wouldn't. The last decision had been temporary, if they lost Gabriel today, they would lose him permanently. It wasn't that they would lose each other if they lost the baby, he knew that they would be together no matter what, but their lives would still be empty, because Gabriel had made their lives full, because they loved him.

He glanced over at Dawn Devers, who was also wringing her hands. Had Rory been right? Would it be just as easy for the judge to give custody to Dawn as to them? It concerned him. No, more than that. It scared him. He knows that the moment that Dawn would walk away with Gabriel in her arms, a part of his heart would be torn away, and he worried that not even Lorelai would be able to fix that, part of her heart would be torn away as well. The struggle to keep his breathing normal so as not to alarm Lorelai took all his concentration, but he couldn't let her see the worry that had crept into his chest, working his way into his heart. Over the years he had been given glimpses of what a real Lorelai panic attack would be like, when he had married Nicole, when he had 'moved in with Nicole', when she worried that she was running out of money for the inn, but if she were really to become unnerved right now, he imagined it would take a large needle full of valium to keep her in her chair.

So, after they had sat down, he had taken her hand and squeezed it, providing her silent support, watching as her other hand lay tensely on the table. "I see that everyone has arrived in a timely manner. I have already reviewed Mrs. Moss's report. You have stated all you would like to?" the judge asks Julie Moss who is sitting to his right. She nods, but Luke notices that she focuses solely on the judge, not glancing over at either him or Dawn. He can only guess what she put in her report. The judge clears his throat flipping through the papers in front of him. "According to this Ms. Moss found no problems with either the home of the Danes's or Ms. Devers, but when forced to make a decision she believes that the child would be happier left in the house that he has been living in for the past three months. After looking through everything else, I will defer to Mrs. Moss's opinion and grant custody to Mr. and Mrs. Danes."

Luke hears a sharp intake of breath to his right and looks over at his wife, watching as her expression goes from one of shock slowly into delight as a smile spreads across her face. She looks over at her husband and shrugs her shoulders excitedly. He nods cautiously, still trying to process the information. "I have another petition here from Mr. and Mrs. Matthews. They have requested for a court order for the boy's name to remain the same if custody is given to Mr. and Mrs. Danes," the judge states, staring down at the sheet in front of him. He glances over at Luke and Lorelai. "Were you planning on changing the name?"

"Well, uh…" Luke stammers, frowning as he considers. He glances over at Lorelai but knows that she wants the same as him. "Yes, after all Danes was my sister's last name. He's only six months old, if he had been older we probably wouldn't consider it, but if and when Lorelai and I have other children, we think that he would prefer to share the family last name." He watches as Dawn rolls her eyes across the table. Without glancing over at her, he knows that Lorelai nodded along with his statement.

"Good then, I agree. You will need to work out some arrangement with the Matthews' so that Gabriel will spend time with his father's family. Barring anything else, this case is closed," the judge decrees, flipping the manila folder shut. He huffs and stands, removing his classes.

With a sour look on her face, Dawn stands. "We can appeal, right?" she mutters to her lawyer.

"Ms. Devers, I understand that you want what is best for the child. But let me tell you this, if you appeal, you will be wasting a lot of your money and time. The late Mr. and Mrs. Matthews requested that Mr. and Mrs. Danes retain custody of their son in their will. Though the will is now obsolete, being that Mr. and Mrs. Danes were not married at the time, Mrs. Moss detailed her approval of the marriage in her report. She said it seemed that the two married for reasons other than to just gain custody of the child, that this was a couple who married as much for love of each other as for love of the child. No other judge is going to rule against that, no other judge is going to rule against the true wishes of the boy's parents," the judge states, tossing his glasses on the table with a firm nod to Luke and Lorelai.

The moments that followed, Luke could barely recall even later that evening. All he knew was that his wife threw herself into his arms, squealing in girlish delight, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him close. And he had held her tight, his mind slowly taking in the idea that this was all over, Gabriel was his, theirs, now and forever. That this familial like affection that he had discovered in his days and nights with Lorelai and Gabriel was going to become a permanent feeling for the rest of his life, for soon he would be legally bound to Gabriel as a father to a son, as he was already to Lorelai as a husband to a wife. Yet, it wasn't the formality of the legal ties that excited him, it was the binds of affection, of love, of attachment that made him feel like was Prometheus finally being unchained from the rock.

Later that evening, as she and Luke prepared to head out for their first 'date' as a married couple, Lorelai walked downstairs with Gabriel in her arms, already dressed in his footsie pajamas so the babysitter wouldn't have to bother, and found her husband pacing back and forth across the living room. "Hun, you're treading a path on our floor," she commented, forcing him to stop in his tracks. He looked up at her guiltily. "Did you rearrange the pillows on the couch again?"

"No," he said with a shameful tone to match the look on his face. "I couldn't find a babysitter so I got…" He trailed off as the doorbell rang, twice, succinctly. She raised an eyebrow at her husband, curious and yet nervous to find out who he ended up calling to take care of her… soon-to-be son. Before she actually looked up, she already feared that she would see Kirk standing there. But it wasn't. Standing in front of her was none other than the prim and proper Emily Gilmore.

Lorelai gasped in shock, her arms instinctively tightening around her little boy. "Mom?" she choked out in dismay. "What are you doing here?" Emily arched her eyebrow, almost exactly how Lorelai had just moments before.

"Your husband called and said you two needed a babysitter for the evening. Am I not allowed in your house anymore?" Emily responded scornfully. Lorelai looked away, irritated and grateful at the same time, and really not liking that she had to be indebted to her mother once again. She glanced over at her husband who checked his watch, reminding her that they had reservations. Heaving a sigh she walked over and placed Gabriel in her mother's arms.

The scene seemed like something out of Ripley's: Emily tucking her soon-to-be-adopted grandson away in her arms while insisting that Lorelai spend time alone with her new husband. For a second, Lorelai wanted to grab her camera to keep this as evidence for Rory, who would never believe it if she told her. But Emily didn't seem as uncomfortable with the situation as Lorelai had thought she would, she was smiling at the boy, almost fondly, and Lorelai had a flash of memory in her mind, Emily holding a small baby in a small pink dress, Lorelai standing across the room with her arms folded over her chest, wanting to grab her daughter and run. She wondered if it would always be true that Emily would love her grandchildren more than her daughter, even her adopted grandchild. "You should know, Mom, as of today, this afternoon, Luke and I were given custody of Gabriel," Lorelai said with pride. Emily looks down at the small child in her arms as if asking him for confirmation, which made Lorelai chuckle softly.

She grabbed her purse off the couch and paused in front of Emily, placing a kiss on Gabriel's forehead. "I'm pleased that you didn't hesitate to inform me the moment you became a mother again, although you didn't bother to invite me to your wedding," Emily said just as Lorelai turned to walk towards the door. She stopped in her tracks and turned to face her mother, her mouth gaping, confusion spreading over her face followed by bewilderment followed by astonishment.

In all her life, she could have never imagined a moment like this. Her mother wasn't trying to drag her back to high society, she wasn't trying to convince her to move back to Hartford, she wasn't even trying to convince her that marrying Luke and adopting Gabriel was wrong. She wanted to be included. She wasn't saddened that Lorelai didn't want to be a part of her upper class life, she was saddened that Lorelai didn't want her to be a part of her own life back in Stars Hollow. Lorelai wasn't sure what to think for a moment. After all her mother had put her through for all those years, with the tuition and Rory and Friday Night Dinners and Christopher… and Christopher, she couldn't believe that Emily would revise her goal in life that much. But maybe, just maybe, if Emily was willing to give it a chance, willing to finally see that all Lorelai wanted was to be happy and that Luke did that for her and more, then maybe she should give her mother the same opportunity. "I'm sorry," Lorelai said, her voice full of regret. Emily nodded her response, an acknowledgement of her daughter's repentance.

Luke wrapped an arm around Lorelai's shoulders, nodded to his mother-in-law and led his wife out the front door. As they walked towards Luke's car, he watched his wife very carefully. "You okay?" he asked and she flashed him a smile. He grabbed her arm. "None of that now. Are you okay?" She looked up at him a moment, seeing the worry in his eyes, and nodded, not hiding anything at all.

He took her to Sniffy's claiming that they needed to go back to where it all started. Maizy and Buddy had joined them for a moment and Luke had actually agreed to drink champagne in their toast to Gabriel's future adoption, which amazed Lorelai to no end. They laughed and joked and bantered casually back and forth, just like old times. But there was that look in his eyes, in her eyes too, that revealed that this was more than just a casual relationship, when they held hands it was like Phoebe Buffay's lobsters, like they never wanted to let go and in the looks they shared it was like they were alone in their own little world.

After dinner, he had driven back to their house but before she could head towards the door, he grabbed her hand and told her that he wanted to take her somewhere. She cocked her head, curious about where he was taking her, pursing her lips in wonder, as she let him lead her away. They had walked on and on until they ended up here, leaning against the railing, wrapped in each other.

"Lorelai," he whispers softly in her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. She takes a deep breath, trying to maintain control of herself as the feeling of his breath on her bare skin, is lighting her on fire. "Lorelai turn around." She does as told, leaning back against the railing, looking up into his eyes that seem like endless pools over loveliness. "It's been almost two years since…" She smiles to herself, knowing exactly what he's talking about, having been thinking about that herself as she stood in the gazebo.

"Yeah," she agrees softly. "Third time's the charm, eh?" He grins.

"You bet. Which is why I brought you here," he says and receives another curious look from his wife. "Lorelai, I wanted to bring you back to the scene of crime to ask you if you will remarry me."

"Luke? We're still married," Lorelai reminds him, waving her left hand in his face. He chuckles and grabs her hand.

"Yes, I mean, you know, renew our vows. Have the wedding we were supposed to have, the one we deserve, with all our friends and family there."

"Are you doing this just because of what my mother said?" she asks. He shakes his head and reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a familiar ring box. He opens it and reveals her ring again to her. She gasps, her hand covering her mouth.

Luke takes the ring out of the box and holds it up to eyelevel. "Lorelai, I wanted to get you a different ring. I looked forever for it."

"That's where you and April went last Saturday," she realizes. He smiles and nods.

"We looked through thousands and thousands of rings but none of them were right, none of them were the ones, this was the one. When I first saw it, I saw you in it. And though we're in a different time and place now, I still look at this ring and see you," Luke explains and she looks at him with adoration shining on her face.

"Well I looked at it and saw you, because you chose it, because you knew, without asking, that it was the ring for me. And it really was. It still is," Lorelai answers. After a moment she leans in, placing one hand on his chest and one on his cheek, and kisses him softly and again, nibbling on his lower lip, until she feel his fingers threading through her curls, his hand pressing against the back of her head and she grins into the kiss. "I would love to remarry you."

He takes her hand and removes her wedding ring, slides her engagement ring on her finger and the replaces the wedding ring. She lays her hand flat out, smiling down at the image before her. He squeezes her hand and kisses her forehead. As she reaches up and brushes the hair out of her face, the diamond reflects the light of the moon encircling her in a shimmering radiance, and in that moment no human being would be able to take his eyes off of her. The glow of sheer exhilaration that echoes from her eyes and her lips and every thing about her makes it seem to him that it's actually 11:00 in the morning rather than 11:00 in the evening, everything seems so illuminated and alive in the presence of this woman in her most joyful moments. Her smile is intoxicating and addicting at the same time, so much that he wonders if he could go another moment with out it. He's drowning in her glee, in her exaltation, in her rapture, and so completely dizzy with adulation for his wife that respiration has become a chore for his body, he'd rather drink in her affection and gaiety than fill his lungs with the essence of life.

Just then there is a loud crack of thunder followed by an instant downpour of rain, startling them, and they both look out at the water pouring down from the sky. For a moment they are silent and still, the only sounds are the heavy drops of rain hitting the ground surrounding the gazebo drowning out their own breathing. Maybe the rain is more than just weather, more than just the science of the clouds being too full of moisture and needing to open up, maybe it's a sign from Mother Nature. It's a signal that it's over, that the powers that be, or whatever fate really is, is absolving them of their sins, of the wrong paths they have taken in their relationship, of the choices they made that worked to break the binds of love that tied them together, chipping away at them until the connections were broken almost beyond repair. "It is fate," she remarked aloud, really feeling it, really knowing that. She's back to a clean slate and he is too, and they are as one, blank, empty slate, tabula rasa. The infidelity she committed in sleeping with Christopher has been wiped away by his forgiveness, by her promises of faith, by the freedom of the shower from above.

She wriggles out of Luke's grasp and strolls down the stairs and into the rain. Throwing back her head, she opens her mouth drinking in the cool drops of rain, holding out her arms to let it soak every inch of her skin, letting it wash away any remaining fear or guilty thought that had lingered. From his post, back in the gazebo, he watches her, completely taken by the image before him. She turns to him and smiles, a free and refreshing smile. "I completely understand Catholics and their holy water now," she shouts to him from her distance away.

To him she looks so incredibly sexy right now, her hair in ringed spirals, dripping from the rain, her eyes bright and blue as the ocean, her clothes soaked through and sticking to her shapely body, a seductive smile playing on her lips. Within moments his lips are on hers, his hands cupping her face, his fingers diving into her curls. She reaches out also, to pull him closer, her hands grabbing on to his shoulders. He's tasting her, drinking in her freedom and absolution, taking it as his own, claiming her as his own. She moans against his lips, her arms wrapping around his neck, her fingers itching to play with his now-drenched curls. He runs hands down from her thin, exquisite neck, down her sides, his thumbs brushing over her breasts, making her nipples harden from his touch and the cold of her wet clothes against her skin. His hands land at her hips, grasping them tightly, pulling her as close to him as possible, as she kisses her way up his jawbone, her teeth reaching for his earlobe as she sucks on it hungrily. He groans as she reaches this sensitive spot, his fingers reaching back to her butt as she grinds against him. "Lorelai," he gasps, wanting more, needing more, but somehow remembering where they are. "Lorelai, we're in public." She instantly pulls back with a mischievous smile.

For a moment, he worries what she's going to do next as she grabs his hand. "Well then, let's finish this up at home, husband of mine," she teases with a coquettish bat of her eyelashes. Eager to do just that, he lets her pull him along with her back to their house.

When they reach the house, Lorelai goes upstairs to check on Gabriel as Luke chats with Emily for a bit, who doesn't seem pleased to find her daughter and son-in-law completely drenched when they arrive home. After thanking Emily for her help and seeing her to the door, Luke turns, climbing the stairs two at a time to find his soaked wife leaning against the doorway of the nursery, just staring in, her arms crossed over her chest. He wraps his arms around her midsection from behind, resting his head against hers. She reaches further back and holds onto his upper arms, completely wrapping herself in him. "He's ours," she says softly, so quiet that he has to strain his ears to completely understand her over the sound of the rain pounding against the house. "He's all ours."

Luke smiles to himself, tilting his head to kiss her cheek. These were the moments that he had dreamt of since her proposal two years ago up until the moment she revealed to him the truth about her night with Christopher. He had seen it late at night, Lorelai, his wife, snuggled in his arms, their child sleeping not too far away. Within months, Gabriel will be their child, and he had wanted it so bad for so long that the idea of it seems almost unbelievable. At the same time, he just can't understand it, but he wants more. "Maybe he should have a sibling," he whispers softly in her ear and feels her lips curve into a smile. He's seen the way she looks at babies, the way she has since she told him she wanted kids with him the night of their engagement, and he knows, without asking, that it's something she's been pondering since they got back together.

"Maybe he will," she answers.


	17. Chapter 17

Having made the morning coffee and not hearing any of the normal sounds of the morning, he wanders back up the stairs, rubbing a hand over his face. It was an early morning, earlier than usual, but still, he thought she'd be up and running around like a mad woman on this big day. She, of all people, knows what will happen if they're late, and he'd really rather not deal with that today. After all, this day doesn't belong to them, as much as Lorelai thought that every day belonged to her. He chuckles to himself as he thinks about this, wandering into their bedroom.

There she stands like a mannequin in a department store. A perfect shapely body to fit only the smallest sizes. Posed in a manner in which one does not normally stand, all her weight on her right leg, the left leg jutted out to the side, her right hand on her hip and her left hand touching her mouth, slowly chewing on her index finger. Seeing as how she's completely naked except for her black bra and panties, if he had seen her in a lingerie store, he might have wondered if she was even real. Although, sometimes he wonders that anyhow. But there she stands in front of her open closet, still except for the slight movements of her teeth on her finger, like the only thing that keeps him from wondering if Medusa got to her is the small up and down movements of her chest as she breathes and the sheer radiance of her healthy, peachy skin.

Even as he walks up next to her, she doesn't move, which is surprising because she always seems to feel his presence even when he doesn't actually make a sound. Similar to how he knows it's her walking into the diner before he even looks over at the door. The bell doesn't ring any differently. He feels it more than he hears it, his heart beats differently, it matches hers, and he feels more whole, because quite literally she has become his other half.

Draping his eyes over her, he reaches out and runs his index finger over the smooth bony prominence of her hip, listening to her take in a deep breath and slowly let it out. "You okay?" he asks, not quite worried about the state he's found her in, he's noticed she's been different in the past few months, more pensive. Her silences have become longer, not that he's constantly searching to understand her, but maybe she knows those are the times he understands her the best. In the in-between times, only when they're alone, she's become more apt to say exactly what she's thinking, tell him how she's feeling, straight out, a few pop references thrown in, because that only comes naturally. No more hiding behind fake smiles and uncontrolled rants that in the end left him more confused than he was to start with. When they're in public she's just as witty and exasperating as always, her mask of the Lorelai she perfected over the years never dented even a bit, keeping the inner-Lorelai, the real Lorelai Victoria Gilmore Danes, as a person only he could know as her trust in him had grown and never faltered again.

"Nothing's jumping out at me. I think maybe I need to go shopping again," she says seriously but he knows she's joking. As he chuckles, she glances over at him and winks. He smiles at her, the adorable, boyish smile that she loves, because it always makes him seem so young, so loveable. Only the feeling of his finger moving up from her hip, tracing up and down her bare side, causing shivers to run similarly on her spine, making her blink, and she moves her gaze from his sexy blue eyes and flirtatious little smile, down his body which is clad only in sweatpants, to his tanned gorgeous chest and abs, so hard that she knows she could punch him and he would barely move, she knows this well, she's tried it. Without realizing it, she's removed her hand from her mouth and has placed it on his chest, rememorizing the feel of his thick skin beneath her hand, that she feels fits to his body so perfectly.

Silently, he moves his hand to her lower back, rubbing in circles as she turns into him, like a movement they've perfected. Somehow he's found that his fingers are always attached to her. Moreover, in the months since their reunion, he's found that he barely can keep his hands off of her, not just in a sexual fashion, but for example, as they walk, he'll keep his hand in hers or on her lower back. It's like he thinks this constantly reminds her of his love, not that she would ever again doubt it, he's made sure of that, but a reminder never hurts. Maybe it's a reminder for himself again, to remind him what he almost lost, that he might never again have been able to just have these simple moments with her, much less the much more passionate times they share in their bedroom and a few times on the kitchen floor when she was feeling especially randy or he had gotten especially drunk.

While his mind has been wandering, her hand has been traveling down and down further until she can feel his length through his pants. He groans in response, bucking his hips into her hand. She smiles up at him, a sultry and mischievous smile, their eyes fixed on each other, as they had since she turned to face him. He opens his mouth to say something, but she increases the pressure on him and all he can do is groan and tip his head down, finally capturing her lips with hers. "You can drive a sane man crazy," he mutters against her lips making her grin as he wraps his other arm around her waist, pressing both of his hands into her lower back, pulling her closer, letting her wrap her free arm around his neck.

"And what do I do to you?" she teases, placing a kiss on the corner of his mouth and kissing down to her favorite spot on the side of his neck. He runs his hands up and down her bare back, just letting her go at it, his nerves tingling from her lips on his neck and her hand working magic lower down. His hands catch on her bra and after fumbling for a moment due to the fog that's settling on his brain, he unhooks it, letting it drop to the ground, his hands coming around to cup her breasts, receiving a soft sweet moan from her in response. She tilts her head up once again to kiss him fully on the mouth, her tongue easily slipping inside.

He's struggling to contain himself as her hand hasn't stopped moving since she first touched it to his skin. There's something amazing to him about her hands, so small, with long graceful fingers that seem to know every each of his body even with her eyes closed. "Lorelai," he groans out in that way she loves, like each syllable is its own sensual meaning. Sometimes all he has to do is say her name, slowly and in that sensual way he has about it, to turn her on. He grabs her hand, pulling it off him as his other concentrates on her nipple, rolling it between his fingers, knowing that he's going to make her gasp his name, which she does. As he lets go of her hand, both of hers grab onto the waist band of his sweats, pulling them down. "Feeling a little randy this morning?" he teases, but actually growls.

"It's you, Baby. Look what you do to me, people are gonna start thinking I'm a nympho," she responds as he guides her towards their bed, kicking off his boxers and pants in the process. His fingers instantly go for her panties, allowing her to wriggle out of them as she walks backwards. Her knees hit the bed and she lays down, grabbing onto his upper arms and pulling him down on top of her. They lay like that, their arms around each other, their faces barely a centimeter apart, staring into each other's eyes. "Hello," she says softly.

"You, Lorelai, you're so beautiful," he tells her, never taking his eyes from hers, making her blush at his true, loving words. She stares back at him, feeling the intensity of the moment. So different is their love making than with any other man she had ever been with, it's not just movements, it's not just moments of pleasure, it's that each touch, each kiss, each thrust, is out of love. Even now it's different than it was early on in their relationship, like everything has more meaning, like learning what it was be without each other, to be lost, made their times together more passionate, more tender, more demonstrative that each action reveal a bit more of the love they share.

After a time, she can again feel his arousal on her thigh as well as her own heat and circles her hips beneath to him to remind him of the exact reason why they are lying there on the bed. "Make love to me, Luke," she says and he leans down and places a soft kiss on her lips. He takes her hands in his, interlacing their fingers, repeating his affections over and over like a song she wants to hear again and again. As he enters her, he repeats it with more meaning, the strong emotional and physical sensations stirring something inside of him that only makes him love her more with each passing moment. She wraps her legs around him as he begins to move inside, gentle at first, but knowing exactly the speed and pressure to make her gasp and moan, filling his ears with a musical melody that seems to harmonize his soft murmurs of adoration until the song becomes nothing more than cries of each other's name.

She smiles to herself as he rolls off of her and pulls her against his chest, soothing her with his hand and his lips. She doesn't really mind waking up early anymore if it means having sex with Luke.

* * *

Being late has its consequences, she's now learning as Luke pulls into a spot at the back of the large parking lot, which is actually the second parking lot back. She stares straight ahead with a dismayed look on her face, seeing how far she's going to have to walk to reach the field where the graduation is being held. "You know, I used to be on time for things until I married you," Luke grumps from outside the car as he's reaching to lift Gabriel into his arms. She rolls her eyes and gets out, grabbing her purse. 

"Well you have your choice in the matter, playing the white rabbit or divorce," she responds cattily as she takes the baby bag from April, slinging it over her shoulder. Lorelai and Luke exchange smirks as they both walk to the front of the car. "Besides I thought I made being late a nice compromise," she flirts, her voice low so that April doesn't hear, thankfully April's still glancing around at the scene around her. Luke heaves a sigh, feeling his face go hot as he remembers their early morning activity. It was worth it, he decides.

Meanwhile, Gabriel is reaching his arms to Lorelai, for some reason preferring her over his uncle at the moment in time. With a sigh, they exchange baby for baby bag, in a move they've quickly perfected so that Gabriel is moved from person to person with little fuss from the boy. She places a kiss on his forehead as she adjusts him on her hip and he grabs the back of her dress in his pudgy little fist. "You going to be okay holding him this whole time? I mean having to walk and holding a baby is quite a lot of exercise for you," he teases and she sticks out her tongue at him. Luke motions for April to follow them as he places his hand on Lorelai's lower back, guiding her through the cars and towards their destination.

April keeps up quite nicely with her father and step-mother, though her eyes are quickly darting from building to building, car to car, completely amazed with her surroundings. Her time spent chattering with Rory at her father's house is never enough. Though she wasn't sure at first about Lorelai, she seemed nice, her eyes were beautiful, her smile was gregarious, her love of life was infectious, somehow that uncertainty faded quicker than it had with most people. Many would be surprised to think of her, April, as a shy person, she knows full well when she's around her friends she'll let out a stream of words that they're all searching to follow, but strangers, they were a completely different story. It was like her comfort level dropped to absolute zero when there were people around for her to meet, in fact she almost felt like her temperature had dropped to there too as she froze. Somehow Lorelai had made it easy, maybe it was because of the light she saw in her father's eyes the moment she stepped into the diner the day of her 13th birthday party or the way he grinned in pride when she reintroduced herself to April, placing a tiara on her head and April, in turn, had grinned back. There was no way not to smile around the woman.

More than that, she knew that her father loved Lorelai, before he even said it, from the moment he walked back into the diner on the first day she had met Lorelai but not been formally introduced. She had glanced out the window after Lorelai had walked away and he looked defeated. Although she barely knew him, she felt a connection with him, like somehow if she had passed him on the street years back, she would have glanced back behind her, staring at him, wondering what that strange feeling was that just ran through her. For a moment, that day in the diner, she thought about going out there and throwing her arms around him, but that might have been a little much, that might have scared him off. Maybe she should have run after Lorelai instead, maybe she should have explained that it was her fault, maybe she should have convinced Lorelai she wasn't trying to take him away, maybe she should have told Lorelai how much he already meant to her.

She remembers when she was young how she would ask about her father and her mother would coax her away from the subject. Still, when her mother had found about her science project, long after it was already complete, she had been warned that the consequences might be having to get to know a stranger, having to get to know someone who might never love her, who could never understand her. That was why she had hid out for a while after seeing him at the science fair. A couple times she had ridden her bike back to Stars Hollow and watched him through the window, seeing the way he worked, understanding how he talked to people like they were just customers but knowing that he cared more than he showed. It made her wonder how he would treat her, his own daughter. Would he act like he didn't care or would he actually try his hardest to let her in? After meeting him and spending time with him, really understanding why some girls were Daddy's girls, because even though it seemed he was so different from her, deep down, they were so similar, they just wanted to love and be loved, they just wanted to trust that the ones they let in would never leave.

Now her life had become so much fuller with her father as well as her step-mother, step-sister and soon-to-be half-brother. She knows she'll never forget that day in the park when he tried to get her play on the playground, disappointed that his plan wasn't what she wanted, but she also knows she'll never tell him how much to meant that he tried so hard. She'll never forget the first time Lorelai hugged her or the first time Rory let her borrow a book, as books were Rory's pride and joy, but she also wonders how she'll ever make it clear to Lorelai and Rory and eventually Gabriel, how complete her life now feels with them in it.

"Guess I'm not the only one running late," comes a voice to Lorelai's right as they first step into the field where the graduation is being held. For a second, she stops breathing, it's possible that her heart even stops. She leans closer to Luke to check if she's still alive or to see if he's still there, she's not sure which. He knows that voice too and he feels her tense beneath his hand the instant he hears the voice. Somehow in the midst of April and Gabriel and everything, he had forgotten Rory's real father, the one title that, try as he may, he'll never actually be able to achieve unless he somehow manages to get his hand on H.G. Wells' time machine and conceives a child with Lorelai back in 1984 instead of Christopher. The idea of it makes him chuckle for a moment and Lorelai looks up at him strangely, wondering how on earth her ex's presence had made him laugh.

As Christopher approaches, Luke watches how the corners of Lorelai's lips twitch, like she's trying to smile but failing miserably. He might have thought he'd feel a little jealous at this moment, but he doesn't. Protective. That's how he feels. He remembers how many times this man has hurt the woman he loves and the step-daughter that he also loves, like the night Lorelai broke down at the counter in his diner even though she was fighting with him at the time, wondering why she'll never get her whole package, wishing she could have it already, though not really saying that Christopher was the one she wanted it with, just that he was getting it and she wasn't. He had gone all out to convince Luke that he wasn't good enough for Lorelai, that they weren't forever. And there had been two in that room that night a year ago, his broken, destroyed wife and the man who let her drive herself deeper into the hole she had fallen into, instead of being a friend and letting her cry and then offering her a hand and helping her out.

Christopher smiles and nods to both her and Luke as he reaches them, but she notices his eyes focus on neither of them, but actually the child on her hip. "Oh, um, Christopher, you remember my husband, Luke," she says, motioning to her left, the word 'husband' rolling off her tongue easily without a thought. It is only after the words had left her mouth that she realizes what she said and hopes that Luke doesn't think she's trying to prove anything by it. She remembers the stony look on his face back at the vow renewal when she had gone all out to make it quite apparent that she was dating Luke. She has nothing to prove now, she feels quite secure in her relationship with her husband.

"Yeah, uh, hey," Christopher responds nervously, receiving only a nod from Luke. He glances at April, and quickly figures out who she is, remembering what Lorelai had told him between her mournful and aching sobs that night a year ago. As he looks over at the boy in Lorelai's arms, he's stuck, nothing comes to mind. Glancing back up at Lorelai's face, he watches as she shares a look with her husband and his heart drops. Her husband. After all of that, after hurting her, after breaking up with her, then keeping her at arms length, then making her feel like she's not worthy of him, at least that's what Christopher had gotten from her late night rant, between choked back sobs and cries of indignation, after all of that, somehow Luke had still won her. There was nothing he could do about it anymore, they were married, she has his rings on her finger, and when she looks into Luke's eyes, her eyes are sparkling, like they're reflecting light. "And who is this?" Christopher manages, motioning to the child in Lorelai's arms.

Unconsciously, she pulls the child even closer against her. "This is Gabriel. My, our nephew, well soon-to-be son, actually. We're adopting him. I've seen Oliver one too many times to want that for him," she explains, hoping that her little joke eased the tension. A year, she thinks to herself, it has been exactly a year since she's seen this man, and it almost amazes her that she hasn't missed him for a second. This reminds her of the years when Rory was growing up, the years he was in California, pretending to make his way but really living off his parents' money. She hardly thought of him at all then until he would call out of the blue or show up randomly at her parents' Christmas party. "Hey you want to take him and maybe see if the King and Queen of Righteous Indignation have saved us a few seats? I gotta…" Lorelai asks of her husband, motioning with her head over at Christopher. Luke nods, not wanting to leave her, not wanting to take his hand off her, wishing only that he could hold her in his arms and protect her forever. She carefully hands over Gabriel, who begins to cry, reaching back for her, so that when Luke adjust the boy on his shoulder, Gabriel begins to cry into his dress shirt, balling the shirt in his fists. With a sympathetic frown, Lorelai rubs the boy's back and kisses his head. "We'll just be a moment, like lickety-split," she promises.

"Sure, come on April," Luke says and walks away. With a fond smile on her face, she watches her husband and children disappear into the crowds, leaving her with this man, who she used to know, but now seems a complete stranger. And she feels empty, like her life is walking away and she has to use all her self-control not to run after them. She'll never understand why she ever believed she could be happy with anyone but Luke. He was the only person who had ever made her feel whole.

Though it was a hard thing for her to completely understand, why he had left her empty for all those months even as they were still technically together, and it had taken a long time to see why he had let her hurt so much for so long, she could still say that he hadn't been malicious in his intent. Somehow he had felt safe and secure. Somehow he felt she had understood. Somehow he had thought that the brave front she put up, that the support she gave him continuously for his choices, meant she trusted in him, that she felt as secure that he wanted what was best for both her and April. Even the shock that she was doubting that they would ever be married and, more than that, doubting his love for her, back on Martha's Vineyard, set him back only enough that he thought he had calmed her fears by reminding her of his love, by promising that they would be married, by worshiping her that night during every moment of their lovemaking.

She shouldn't have been surprised. He was Luke, he was wonderful, he had a heart of gold and he was just so amazing to her, her protector and her support throughout everything, but he was still a guy, he was still the guy who needed think things through, he wasn't perfect, he still had a hard time seeing what was right in front of him. Hell, he had waited 8 years to get up the nerve to ask her out! To think that he could adjust to having April in his life in an instant must have been insane, that was her, not him. Sure, it had hurt to be pushed aside, to realize that he was working April into his life, not their life, but it was all he could think of to do. And she had said nothing. That was the worst truth. Her idea of support was to deny him the information he needed to really see her, to shove her fears aside in the extreme hope that he would just walk in her house one day and tell her that he was ready to get married. She could laugh at herself for being that ridiculous, to think that it was okay to curl up and die on the inside and not tell her fiancé who would try to fix things, who would put his arms around her and hold her until she didn't feel so scared anymore. That was how he was. She had felt him slipping away and instead of telling him her fears, she had just tried to hold on for dear life, feeling pieces of her breaking down as she held it all in, cracking as she slowly lost him and it wasn't until that night just a few months ago when he had promised her commitment and communication and everything he could possibly give her, that she had finally felt intact once again.

Taking a deep breath she looks back over at Christopher, running a hand quickly through her hair. "So… you wanted to talk…" Christopher says awkwardly. She bites her lower lip nervously.

"Chris, I…we've known each other forever. I can barely remember when I said 'You can sit here Forrest'," Lorelai says smirking a little at her joke. "But this whole thing has made me realize something, I don't need you in my life." She licks her lips as she lets that sink in, her heart breaking for him. "You can be whatever you want to Rory, she's 22, she can handle her own life. But I can't have you in my life. It's not that I don't trust myself around you, because God knows what a foolish mistake it was to sleep with you that night. But Chris... the thing is, I'm happy, happier with Luke and Gabriel and the girls than I've ever been in my entire life. I don't need you. I don't need you coming in and screwing up my life like you have every time you've come back into it and I know it's partly my fault, but that's how it is." She takes another deep breath. "Chris, I swear, if you care anything for me, you'll just want me to be happy."

"I do, Lor," Chris finally responds and she does her best not to react to his pronunciation of her name, such a difference from the way Luke says it. The way Christopher says it, it's like they're kids again, little Chris and Lor playing together on the playground, but with Luke it's Luke and Lorelai, this grown up, completely unified couple, and their names just roll off the tongue together, the two Ls, completely made for each other. That's what it is really, Christopher is the guy she couldn't live without as a kid, even as she got older but never really matured, he was the guy she missed, but just being with Luke, she had finally come to be an adult, she had finally become ready for an adult relationship, commitment, eternal love, family, what she had said to him that night when she mourned the loss of her whole package: love, comfort, and safety. That's what Luke gave to her. He was the only one.

"I get it," Chris says. She nods, not knowing what to say, feeling like she's said all she needs to. "Well I'll… I'll see you around."

She smiles faintly and nods. "See you around Chris," she responds and walks away and back over to her family.

Meanwhile, from a distance, April and Luke watch them intently. "Who is that?" April asks and Luke glances down at his daughter in surprise.

"That's Rory's father," Luke responds trying to hide the bitterness in his voice.

"Did she always know him?" April asks.

Luke shrugs, watching his wife, her arms crossed over her chest as she speaks to her ex. "Well… I guess he always knew her, he knew her from the start. I'm not sure how well she ever knew him," Luke answers, hoping that explains it. April nods, staring at the man, as if trying to figure him out. Silently she wraps a hand around her father's elbow.

"Must have been nice," April says decidedly. Luke glances down at his daughter and for the first time realizes that she's also wishing for what might have been, just as he had since the moment he first found out the truth. He wants to kiss her head and hug her tight, just as he would if he had known her all his life, but he considers that maybe it's still too soon. So he just places his hand on her opposite shoulder and squeezes it softly, letting her know that he understands, that he feels the same, and she lays her head against him, smiling, just smiling.

* * *

After the graduation, Rory stops to talk to Christopher for a bit before heading over to greet her family. Luke watches from a distance as she greets him, seems to smile as she talking to him, hugs him, chats with him, but when he looks over at his wife, he finds she's too absorbed in playing with Gabriel to even notice. It's over, he finally realizes. The guy is finally out of their lives forever, maybe not Rory's, but at least out of Lorelai's, and he can't help but feel relieved, not for himself, he's not worried about that, he trusts her completely, but he's thankful on her part that Christopher is gone, he can't hurt her ever again. As he watches his wife play with his son, he's reminded that there's nothing he won't do for this woman. If that man ever comes near her again, he'll have to get by Luke to get to her, to do anything to her that would remove that shining smile from her face. 

When Rory leaves Christopher and walks over to them, Lorelai hands the baby over to Luke so she can completely wrap her arms around her daughter. Then Rory goes on to hug everyone in the group: Emily, Richard, April, Luke and even a little tickle and kiss for Gabriel. "Wow, a college graduate. Don't get any Dustin Hoffman like ideas, now Hun," Lorelai warns. Rory rolls her eyes and giggles as does April, who clearly gets the joke, while Luke tries to pretend he's not so befuddled.

"Okay, I'm going to go talk to Paris and then I have to drop off my gown, I'll be back in a few," Rory tells them.

"Wait, April and I will join," Lorelai says, glancing at April, who grins, clearly fascinated by her step-sister's life. "Be good," she whispers in Luke's ear, placing a quick kiss on his lips as she grabs April's hand and they walk away. Luke takes a deep breath, watching his 'girls' scamper off in the distance.

He looks over at Gabriel who blows raspberries in response. "Guess it's just me and the boys, eh Buddy?" Luke jokes and hears a small noise to his left. He glances over and sees his mother-in-law to his left, her arms closed over her chest and an eyebrow raised, almost exactly like Lorelai when she's annoyed with something he's done. However he knows he can't make it up to Emily the same way he can with Lorelai and suddenly he feels nauseous at his own thoughts. He smiles faintly at her. "And you too, of course, Emily." She nods like she's not sure if she should believe him and he grimaces. "Actually, I'm glad we're alone, I wanted to ask you if you have plans for August 23rd," he says.

"Why? Is that the night that you and your wife were planning on toilet papering our house?" Emily asks without a hint of a joke in her voice and for a moment, Luke wonders if she's actually serious.

He's not sure how to respond, whether he should act like she was joking or apologize for whatever she may believe about him. Deciding to go with a soft chuckle, he manages a small, uneasy smile. "Actually Lorelai and I have decided to renew our vows, you know, have a real wedding this time. And I know that, other than the kids, you are the most important people on her invite list. And I know that you tend to go away to Europe in the fall, so I'm asking now, before we make things definite, will you be able to attend on August 23rd?" Luke asks, trying to hide that he's scared out of his wits. Something about Emily Gilmore's impenetrable posture gives him an anxiety attack that makes him wonder if he has a disorder.

Emily and Richard share a look, sharing an understanding, something that Luke knows he does often with Lorelai. That's something that his in-laws have going for them, despite their insanity in how they deal with their wealth and their constant misunderstanding of their daughter, they really love each other, they have each other, they'll fight and make up and always know that they're each other's true love. It's something he respects them for. "We will be there," Emily promises, a smile playing on her lips.

"Welcome to the family, Son," Richard says warmly, sticking out his hand towards Luke, who almost jumps back in shock. He hesitates only a moment, before switching Gabriel to his other hip and shakes his father-in-law's hand.

"And thank you for welcoming us into your family," Emily adds, a sense of pride covering her face as her eyes move from her soon-to-be grandson, to her son-in-law.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note**: As this is the last chapter of this fic, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has read and reviewed, those who have supported me throughout the writing and subsequent posting process. I'd like to thank everyone who wrote saying how much they had recieved from this work, that their love for these characters and their relationship was renewed through this fic. I'd like to thank all of those who told their friends about this fic. After all I put into it, it's definitely amazing to have recieved such a wonderful response for my hard work.

Additionally, I want to send out another huge token of gratitude to my wonderful beta,** Erica Bing.** Your support and adivse and major editing at times was very much appreiciated.

Finally, I just want to say for all who are watching this show and saddened by what is currently occuring, I think this fic shows what a wonderful love that these two characters have for each other, even if it is hidden underneath at times. I do believe that eventually it will reemerge, that they will rediscover their love for one another, because I do believe that love does conquer all in the end and that Luke and Lorelai have a once in a lifetime love. I hope you will continue to have faith in these characters as I do, to eventually find that what they've been searching for is right there, if they would just open their eyes and their hearts and realize it.

* * *

Perfect. He is perfect. Rory, she remembers, was perfect as well, but he is something beyond perfect. She pauses for a moment, frowning as she tries to think of the right word. She considers making up a word, a word that would be all his, something to mean perfect and amazing and wonderful, but she knows it will just confuse her husband. Maybe it would be worth it though, just for the little boy in her arms. 

"Luke, he's beautiful," Lorelai says softly having to force herself to take her eyes off of the baby and look up at her husband. She leans back against him as he wraps an arm around her, settling it on her hip. He cups his other hand on top of the boy's head.

She watches as he struggles to speak. Though many would call him a man of few words, she's still surprised to see him so choked up at this moment that he can't manage a sound. A year and a half after that day of finding him in his old apartment, a phone clutched in one hand and a mostly empty beer in the other, she still can feel him as he wrapped his arms around her that day, clinging to her, all alone in his mind. But then he asked her to stay and somehow, someway, they got from that moment to this moment, together. As it should be. "Luke, I want you to meet your son, Matthew Elliot Danes," Lorelai says tracing a finger over her son's small hand.

"Our son," Luke corrects her, his thumb running lightly over the boy's forehead. She grins, loving the sound of that. It's amazing to her, that after all they went through, all she went through, all he went through, that they managed to follow the bread crumbs and find their way to this moment in time.

Two years ago she had walked away, from him, from them, from all of it. She had walked away thinking that as much as she wanted it: marriage, children, that, as that evil psychologist said, it might not be meant to be. She knows now that she must have been completely out of her mind to even consider it, after all the horoscope had kept her heart in his for eight years before they finally took a step towards a more than friendly relationship. Crazy! Blasphemous! To think that she and Luke weren't written in the stars? Sure, it was all right for Luke to think that, Mr. Anti-Fate, but for her? She remembers the look on Luke's face the first time she tossed some salt over her shoulder after knocking a salt shaker off the table with her big purse, still just as amusing now as it was then. But this is all just to say that, for whatever reason, she had lost trust in fate, just as she had lost faith in Luke, and had ended up at her lowest point in her life, alone, fractured, lost, so hollow inside that it seemed like her skin was just a covering for a deep black hole. The worst part about the whole thing was that she had lost Luke, who had been much more than just her fiancé or just her lover or boyfriend, he had been her best friend, her true companion, and without him, she had to keep everything inside, she lost the bight light in her day. Life became just a series of minutes attached together, no thinking, no processing, no dreaming about the future, just putting one foot in front of the other to continue on through the suffering she had brought upon herself. Sometimes she had been forced just to pause and concentrate on breathing as even that became a chore for her. When she was with him, just the sight of him had taken her breath away, and when he left, he had taken that breath with him.

Unfortunately it took one of the worst days of Luke's life to bring them back to the same place at the same time, it took the slight effort by Luke, of letting go just a bit of his hurt and anger, to allow her to comfort him, to be his support, the lantern hanging in the lighthouse to guide him home. Slowly, bit by bit, the wall they had put up between them was taken down, bit by bit, brick by brick, no David Hasselhoff singing on the wall was necessary. It just took the strength of their love shining through, their love for each other and for Gabriel, something to share, something to make them really take a look at their lives and see that what was missing after all, was each other. A little forgiveness. A little communication, as Elvis would say. Followed by a renewed trust that this was it, this was their final chance, and neither wanted to risk ruining it.

All of that had bought them to this day, to this tender, almost unreal occasion, the birth of their son. Even now Lorelai can't help but think back to the day that their first son became a part of her family.

Spying Luke's car in the driveway as she grabbed the mail, she had smiled to herself, hoping that he was inside making dinner because walking all the way to the diner on that incredibly hot day in late July would only make her cranky and possibly likely to take it out on her poor husband. Flipping through the mail as she walked in her house, she paused on a rather large envelope, sealed tightly and bearing an official government stamp. For a moment, her heart did a backflip in her chest, wondering if they were coming after her for that parking ticket a few months ago at Yale that she had refused to pay out of sheer indignation. (She was only there a few minutes past eight in the morning! Did they really expect a sane person to get up at the hour and move her car?!)

"Hey Hun!" she called as she kicked the door closed, tossing all the mail on the table in the front hallway except the large official envelope.

Glancing up as she wandered into the kitchen, she saw her husband busy at the stove. He glanced over his shoulder, hearing her walk in the room, and gave her a wink. "Chili tonight?" he asked as she walked over to him, leaning for a kiss. She nodded.

"Mmmm, yeah if you put chicken in it, then it would be perfect," she responded, turning away to grab a letter opener to open the envelope. "I feel like chicken tonight," she sang as she walked over to the playpen Luke had set up in the kitchen, placing a kiss on Gabriel's head. She extracted the contents of the envelope and gasped. Startled, Luke almost dropped the spoon in his hand, but managed to cover the pot and set the spoon down before walking briskly to her side.

"He's ours. Officially, legally, and in all other ways, he's our son. We're parents. All we need is a white picket fence outside to get Nancy Reagan's approval," she said with delight, handing her husband the papers and lifting her new son out of the playpen and placing little kisses all over his face, making him squeal in laughter.

"Parents," Luke repeated, his throat suddenly dry. He tugged on his shirt, suddenly feeling extremely hot, but figuring it might be from all the cooking he's been doing. Lorelai looked over at him, concerned with his response, but hugging Gabriel close. Luke reached for the closest chair, yanking it out and sitting down with force, staring at the paper in his hand. "He's going to call us Mom and Dad."

Lorelai pulled out the chair next to him, sitting down and settling her son in her lap. "Luke," she said softly placing a hand on his knee. "That's why we adopted him. That's why we changed his last name from Matthews to Danes."

"But Liz…"

"Is his mother! She always will be but, Luke, she and TJ, they picked us. They wanted us to raise him. They trusted us to be good parents to Gabriel. We can't always stop and consider what Liz and TJ would do if they were here, because we just don't know. What we do know is that they picked us, which only says that they trusted us to make the decisions for them if something happened," Lorelai said, rubbing his knee gently. Luke glanced over at her sorrowfully, leaning over and giving her a peck on the lips. She smiled at him, the adoration shining in her eyes and she ran her fingers though Gabriel's soft, silky hair.

With a huff, he pushed himself up from the chair, reaching down and taking Gabriel off of her lap. "Hey there Buddy, I'm your dad. How you feel about that?" Luke asked tugging on his son's shirt. Gabriel babbled nonsensically in response, grabbing onto Luke's fingers. Luke smiled, placing a kiss on Gabriel's head. "Oh Buddy, I love ya." He then offered a hand to Lorelai, helping her back up.

"Oh! I have an idea!" she skipped off into the living room with Luke following closely behind. After a few seconds, the first bars of _Eternal Flame_ began to play. "Dance with me," she requested, holding out her hand. Luke glanced around, confused. "Come on, if Hugh and Julianne can do it, then we can. Dance with me, Luke," she begged, getting whiny, and he knew that he'd better give in at this point.

"All right then," he agreed, adjusting Gabriel on his hip and holding out his hand to his wife. She clapped her hands gleefully and placed her hand his, but sliding it quickly around his shoulder as his traveled down to 'his spot' on her lower back, pulling her closer. They danced closely, swaying slowly to the music, each with a hand on their son, each with an arm around the other, staring into each other's eyes, wanting this moment to last forever. This was it, this was their moment, their whole package, finally, and somewhere they felt that that someone was looking down and smiling, pleased in her part in bringing them together as they should have always been.

Only a month after that night, the small family was gathered in the center of town surrounded by the rest of the family as well as half the town. Luke convinced Jackson to loan him his truck in exchange for Luke buying only Jackson's vegetables for the next month so that he could get the chupah from their yard to the center of town. Jackson had originally bartered for a year, but Luke was able to wear him down, years of dealing with Lorelai trying to get him to do things he didn't want to do were finally paying off. So there he stood, in exactly the same suit and red tie as he had 4 years ago when they shared their first dance of many at his sister's wedding, holding the hands of his wife, who was wearing an off-white fall sundress. Their daughters stood on either side of them, both of them with tears in her eyes as if she had not been to the original wedding. In the closest seats sat Lorelai's parents, Emily with Gabriel in her lap, as the boy had quickly bonded with his grandmother over the past couple months.

"Luke, my heart, I think I really didn't think about what I would say at this moment if we ever got here because I didn't want to jinx it, but let me say this, and it may come out incredibly jumbled because my mind is not completely clear right now. You are my one, my only, the only person I have ever and will ever commit to completely. I promise my heart to you with full faith and true devotion. I am all in, all yours, whatever life throws at us, we'll do it together, because that's the only way I know how anymore," Lorelai vowed, her gaze intense and Luke can hear her voice is filled with tears. He was surprised at how choked up he was at this moment and took a moment to swallow, not wanting Babette to shout out of the crowd that he was a big baby.

Taking a deep breath, he squeezed her hands before going on. "That was surprisingly coherent," he teased softly and she smiled. "The thing is, I love you for your lucid moments just as much as I love your irrational ones. It may have taken us 4 years, actually 12 years to get here, but maybe that's what we needed to know that this is it, to know we're not making a mistake, to know that when we commit to be all in forever, we mean it. Lorelai, you are my light in all the shadows, leading me through, getting me through day after day. Now and forever, permanently, my hand in yours and yours in mine, we'll make it through life together," Luke promised, watching as a few tears strayed down Lorelai's face. He lifted one of her hands to his mouth and kissed it softly.

"I now, again, pronounce you husband and wife," Reverand Skinner said.

"Wait!" came a voice from the back and Luke and Lorelai glanced up, startled to see the Rabbi Barans running towards them with a blue bag in his hand. Reaching the couple, he handed Luke the bag. "You have to break the glass!"

Luke chortled with laughter, glancing at his wife, who nodded agreeably. "Well, we're using a chupah," she figured. "But rabbi, what does it mean?" As Luke placed the bag on the ground, Rabbi Barans folded his arms across his chest.

"Well it can mean a variety of things, many rabbis claim it has something to with the destruction of the Temple, but really I think it just reminds you to remember the sadness even at the height of this joyous occasion," Rabbi Barans replied. Luke and Lorelai shared a look both knowing that this is the truth, that they must keep Luke's parents and Liz and all the poignant moments that brought them to share this occasion in mind, even as celebrating. "You should remember the fragility of the relationship, how easily it can be fractured in so many pieces that it would take all eternity to put it back together," Rabbi Barans added, at which point Lorelai squeezed Luke's hand.

Luke stared down at the glass, in his mind seeing the image of a million pieces of the shiny glittering material. His mind flashed to Lorelai's face that night just before she walked away, remembering how her desperation had reflected the tears in her eyes into a million pixels in the moment that their relationship had cracked and splintered, dissolving into the sand that they had to tread over to return back to each other.

"Luke," Rabbi Barans said softly, getting the groom's attention. "I'd also like to add that this is the groom's last chance to put his foot down." Luke stared at him for a moment and then looked over at Lorelai, who was clearly biting her lower lip to keep from laughing. With a wink at her, Luke nodded and lifted his foot, bringing it down on the glass with all his might, the sound of the shattering glass echoing in his ears, and he hoped that sound would always be there every moment of the rest of his life, as a reminder of what he might have lost.

Glancing from the Rabbi to the Reverend, Luke waited for what comes next. "Can I kiss her now?" Luke asked impatiently causing the Reverend to laugh. Without waiting for a reply, Luke cupped his wife's face in his hands, staring into her eyes, filled with deep and heartfelt love, before lowering his lips to hers, kissing her softly, as if it really was their first kiss as husband and wife. "I love you," he murmured wrapping his arms around her and she around him, both losing themselves in the moment, forgetting their aversion for public displays of affection. In fact, he no longer cared, she was his wife, after all this time she was finally his wife, and he was perfectly happy to let everyone around him know it.

A few months later, just over a week after her son's first birthday, Lorelai laid on the queen-sized bed in her new home that she and Luke had allowed her parents to purchase for them on the condition that they only use their extra key when baby sitting for their young grandson. Though at first it had surprised Lorelai to find her parents so amenable, actually she was quite wary of the agreement at first, but Emily had seemed to have an extreme desire to be part of her grandson's life, not to replace his parents, but as another loving family member. As Lorelai thought back, she wondered if Rory's life might have been different if she and Emily had been able to come to terms with this type of affiliation back then. Maybe it was only necessary to have traveled the long arduous path of rebellion and frustration, filled with times of emotional blackmail and sheer hostility, occasions when each had reached her boiling point and released a string of horrid attacks on the other's character. After getting past all of that, after both maturing in her relationship with the other, realizing that more that anything they both did indeed want the other in her life, if only as an additional support in emotional times, seeing as they were both so much alike, now they could build on that. Only now could they form a kinship so that Gabriel could grow up with the love of his parents and his mother's parents.

Her head rested on her husband's shoulder as he laid next to her, one hand around her, one hand on the back of his son, who was sleeping soundly on his front. Sometimes it was nice, these quiet moments they shared together, just after dinner, before Lorelai would hurry him downstairs to try to beat Alex Trebek at his own game. But this night was different. This night there would be no Jeopardy, no shouting at the idiot contestants and no claims that Lorelai Gilmore could down them all, not Lorelai Danes of course, but Lorelai "Rory" Gilmore. Luke's thumb traced circles on Lorelai's hip methodically, his mind somewhere else. Her hand rubbed similar patterns on Gabriel's back, her eyes open and searching, wherever her mind was, it was possibly as far away as her husband's.

Suddenly the alarm on Luke's watch sounded. He silently reached his hand over and switched it off glancing over at Lorelai. "Which of us wants to be Alice?" she asked, uncertainty showing clearly through her voice. He waved his hand at boy sleeping on his chest and she nodded, not seeming pleased with her job. Before getting up, she leaned towards him and gives him a kiss on the lips. "We're trying again. If at first you don't friacassee, fry fry a hen," she said softly and then grinned.

"I forgot that's how the saying went," he responded lightly leaning closer and kissing her again. "Go." She nodded and crawled off the bed. Slipping on her slippers, she trotted over to the bathroom. Luke took over rubbing his son's back but his mind wasn't concentrating on Gabriel, he was just hoping and wishing that she would walk in with the gorgeous delighted smile on her face. "Liz, I won't love Gabriel any less," he promised softly, staring up at the ceiling.

Her face expressionless, Lorelai walked back over to the bed and his heart stopped. Slowly she held out her hand that contained about a half dozen white sticks. She watched his face cloud with frustration, not wanting to do his usual slow processing this time. Before he could growl her name, she nodded and looked down at her hands.

"Pregnant. Plus sign. Two lines. Pink. Pregnant. Positive," she read off, dropping each on the foot of the bed when she was done with it. Then she looked up at him, her face glowing, brimming with ecstasy, not just the radiance of a pregnant woman but the blissful look of a woman who might finally have it all. Letting out a girlish squeal and shrugging her shoulders up, she smiled at him again. "We're having a baby," she crooned crawling back up the bed to lie next to her husband again. Rubbing a hand over her son's back, she glanced down at him. "You're going to be a brother, Gabriel." Then she watched him for a moment. "I think he's happy," she decided, chewing on her lower lip to keep her grin from taking over her face.

"I think he's asleep," Luke responded logically, teasing his wife. She rolled her eyes.

"Just shut up and kiss me," she demanded kneeling next to him on the bed and cupping his face in her hands as she kissed him.

Just a few short months later it was December 12th again and the Danes' found themselves back in New York. It had been a year since that cold day when Lorelai had found him in his apartment, lost, falling into a deep black hole and instead of walking away, as part of her had considered, she had reached out a hand to him, held him as he cried, stayed by his side throughout, and promised that everything would be all right. True to her word, everything had turned out all right, but that was only because he had asked her to stay and she had acquiesced, because, after all, she loved him.

On this cold winter's day, she buttoned up her coat, standing silently by his side, as she had just two weeks before on the anniversary of his father's death. This day, just as on November 30th, it was more important for her to be the cane that helps him stand, the pillar that supported him, the light in the tower guiding him back to reality. "Gabriel!" they heard to their right and even Luke glanced over to see Dawn Devers rushing towards them. She knelt down next to Gabriel on the ground and glanced up at the Danes', as if asking permission, but Luke just looked back at the gravestone in front of him and said nothing, his face not as dark as it was a year ago, but still, not quite healthy and radiant. So Lorelai nodded her consent to Dawn, wrapping a hand around Luke's elbow. "Gabriel do you remember me?" Dawn asked the boy who stared up at her, his little finger tapping his lips as if he was pondering this. Lorelai almost laughed at this but managed to swallow her amusement for Luke's sake. "I'm Dawn, I'm your cousin, Dawn."

"Don," Gabriel said, working the name through his little lips. Proudly, Lorelai gazed at her son, as any mother would watch her child. Dawn giggled picking him up into her arms. She motioned to Lorelai that she'd be right back and Lorelai nodded congenially. No matter what the woman ever thought of her, Lorelai knew that she always got Dawn, she really saw that all Dawn wanted was the best for her son, all she wanted was for Gabriel to grow up with his father's family surrounding him. Looking down at the ground, she covered her own abdomen with her hand, knowing that she'll never stop wishing that her future child would be able to know its father's family in more than just faded photographs and memories of decades before.

Beside her, Luke dropped to his knees, as he had in front of his parents' graves, covering his mouth with his first. She was no less worried at this point, no more either, except that he'd been opening up more lately. He allowed her to be by his side on his dark day, not only that but he searched her out to take him to the cemetery. He had worked with her to draft their first will though the thought had scared her, but she knew deep down he was afraid, afraid of losing her, yes, but more than that, afraid that he would leave his children as his father once left him. This all was obvious to her without him even having to voice it. He had forced her to choose someone to care for their child, if something were to happen, with the reminder of what would have happened if Liz and TJ hadn't done so, to convince her that he was right. Of course he was right, not that she wanted to think about it any more.

Reaching up and grabbing her forearm, he pulled her down next to him. Without her, he knew, he would never have made it this far. When the phone call had come a year ago, he had practically died, driven into his own thoughts, where all he could see was those that had left him. His father. His mother. Liz. For those precious minutes, just after the call had ended, he wondered what was left. Was there any more meaning to his life? And then she had come, shown up without even a signal from him, not a flare, not a white flag, not even a candle in the window. Though just six months before she had lost him, finding him in that state she had forced her way back into his life, pushed him to do what he needed to do, soothed him when he just couldn't do any more. She had brought him back to life.

With this thought in his mind, he glanced over at Lorelai, to find her watching him, not with sympathy, but with affection, all that he had always needed. He tried to think of something to say right then to let her know it's all right, that he's all right, that she's the reason that the world seems a pretty decent place right then, even though he was where he was and it was the day that it was. Nothing came to mind. Instead he just reached out, placing the back of his hand over her slightly protruding belly, rubbing his index finger gently up and down. There. That seemed right. She acknowledged his gesture with a soft, reassuring smile and he winked back at her.

"We'll love them both just as much, not in the same way, but just as much," she promised him, as if knowing what was tugging at his heart at that moment. And she did know. She always knew.

He lowered himself to sit on the ground, pulling her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her middle placing his hands back on her belly. She, in turn, covered his with her own leaning back against him and tipping her head up to gives him a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey guys, we're back," Dawn greeted them, Gabriel's hands wrapped tightly around hers to steady himself as he toddled back towards Luke and Lorelai. "Gabriel, who's that?"

"Mommy and Daddy!" Gabriel shrieked, forgetting that Dawn was the only thing holding him up as he reached out towards his parents and fell to the ground. Before he could cry, although Lorelai would have been surprised if he had as Gabriel wasn't much of a crier, Dawn scooped him up and set him down in Lorelai's lap. Lorelai wrapped her arms around her son, kissing the top of his head, recognizing the fact that it was only a year ago when she had first learned the existence of this child, but she had loved him immediately. There was something about Gabriel, something so familiar, something so like Luke, that he was able to just look into her eyes, just reach a hand up towards her, that made her instantly love him, made her adore this little boy that once he was in her arms, she never wanted to let him go.

Dawn stood and backed away slightly, her eyes traveling over to the graves. With an understanding that Luke wasn't the only one missing one of those two people, Lorelai's heart went out to the poor woman, who had been like a sister to TJ. "You should stop by tonight, we're taking Gabriel to have dinner with his grandparents," Lorelai suggested and her heart melted as Dawn's face lit up. Dawn, however, tried to cover slightly her delight at Lorelai's invitation and just nodded giving Lorelai an appreciative smile. She waved to Gabriel and walked away.

As Dawn walked away, Lorelai said a silent thank you to Liz and TJ for blessing her with Gabriel and, in turn, bringing Luke back to her. So Gabriel curled up close to Lorelai, playing with her long, thin fingers, as she leaned back against Luke, who rested his head against hers. "Thank you, Liz," he said softly, kissing the side of his wife's head.

After working his mind through the memories of the past year, his mind settled on last night. He had walked into his bedroom to find his son curled up next to his wife as she read to him. Gabriel's eyes were mostly closed but he would mutter soft, sleepy questions every once in awhile. Standing in the doorway of his bedroom, Luke had just watched how tender Lorelai was with their son, what a loving mother she was to stay up and read to her boy, even though not more an hour or so ago she had been complaining that she might die from severe exhaustion. But with her arm around Gabriel, his head on her shoulders as she read to him from _I'm A Big Brother_, Gabriel's new favorite book. "Is that you?" Lorelai asked softly, pointing to an image in the book, and glancing over at the boy lying next to her. Gabriel nodded drowsily, fighting to keep his eyelids open. She smiled to herself setting the book down next to her and noticed her husband standing in the doorway. "Honey, are you ready for Daddy to take you to bed?" she asked, leaning over and whispering in Gabriel's ear, giving Luke a wink.

"But da book, Mommy," Gabriel whined with a lethargic tone to his voice. Lorelai chuckled rubbing his arm, motioning with her head for Luke to walk over, which he did.

"The book will still be here tomorrow, I'm sure we can manage to read it a few more times then. Come on Babes, time for bed. Daddy's tired too," Lorelai told her son, who slowly pushed himself up and threw his arms around Lorelai's neck and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She wrapped her arms around her young son as well, knowing that she treasures every moment with him to its fullest. "I love you Babes, to the moon and back."

She reached back and unwrapped Gabriel's arms from around her. "Night, night, broder," he said softly, leaning over and placing a few little kisses on Lorelai's large belly. Lorelai and Luke shared a look, both having worried at one moment or the other about the differences in the love they would have for their sons, but had agreed on the fact that both the Danes boys would live lives filled with the love of family, the kindness of friends and the appreciation for getting all they can out of life, even if it meant taking risks.

Holding out his arms towards Luke, Gabriel signaled that he was ready for bed. With a groan, Luke lifted his son over his wife and up into his arms. "Hey Buddy, time for bed," Luke told his son, who rubbed his eyes, clearly tired. "I'll be back," Luke said to Lorelai as he carried the boy out of the room.

She watched her husband walk away until he was clearly out of view. Though she was quite tired as well, for some reason she knew she wasn't going to fall asleep very quickly if she went to bed now. Her due date was only two days away and though the nursery was finally complete, with a little help from her mother's designer, she still had a nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right.

Not that she was worried about the pregnancy, that wasn't it. The doctors had assured her time and again that everything was fine, that even though she had just turned forty, there was nothing to worry about, and she did believe them. The morning sickness had come and gone, she had gained the exact amount of weight that was necessary for a full-term pregnancy, for some reason she had given in and eaten right, knowing full well that at her age it was important to listen to the doctors, she had done every right, everything that the doctor had told her, and it seemed that everything was perfect. But something was missing. Something was still wrong.

Frowning in her frustration with herself for being unable to come up with the answer, she reached over to her nightstand and picked up the photo album laying there. Flipping it open, she turned the pages slowly, staring for a moment at each picture. The one of their first kiss after the second time they were pronounced man and wife. The one of her parents making their way around the dance floor as if they were Fred and Ginger. The one of her smashing cake in Luke's face, because she had eaten her piece agreeably, but he had closed his mouth and refused. The one of April dancing with a boy on the dance floor while Luke watched off to the side, never taking his eyes off of him. The one of Luke dancing with Rory, looking much less awkward than they must have felt after all those years. The one of her and Luke and Gabriel dancing in the corner of the dance floor, oblivious to everyone else in the room. As she got to the end of the book, she landed on an extra picture, one not fastened securely in the album as their photographer had done to all the others, this was just slipped in, as if it was a secret picture all her own.

Luke walked back in the bedroom to find her staring at the picture, tears welling up in her eyes. These weren't the tears he was used to, ones that came on randomly and then she would get angry with herself for crying as her hormones raged wildly inside of her, followed by deep chortles of laughing, after which she'd be so exhausted of dealing with her pregnant self that she'd crawl under the covers and go to sleep. It was all right, he had decided. If that was what he had to deal with in order to be the perfect husband, then he was fine with it, all it meant was extra time laying next to her and running his fingers through her hair, extra moments of holding her against him as she sobbed with little reason in mind, extra minutes of laughter that sounded like the sweetest melody he had ever heard. But this time, he knew that wasn't it, her face wasn't masked with the confusion she usually expressed when the tears came unexpectedly.

Walking over to his side of the bed, he sat down, leaning back against the headboard and wrapping his arms loosely around her. That was the only thing the pregnancy made him miss: being able to wrap himself completely around his wife. Contented, she set the book to her side, still with the one picture in her hand, and snuggled up to him, resting her head back against him. "We are pretty," she said softly, staring at the picture in her hand. It was one he had never noticed before. In fact, it wasn't even from that wedding, it was from their first wedding and in it her hands were in his as she stared up at him and he back at her. What he saw surprised him, they were in love even back then, the love they shared now wasn't any more than at that time. The difference, he decided, was that now they were more sure of it, now they could have faith in it, now they knew that what they had was a gift, a precious gift, the ability to love and be loved to such an extent that there were hardly words to describe it, but it was a pure and true emotion and it was an amazing, once in a lifetime endowment from the heavens that both knew could easily slip away if they didn't hold tight to it. If this flame of love was to go out in their hearts, they now knew that their hearts would cease to beat, because their lives had become one life and to lose each other would truly be the end.

Kissing the side of Lorelai's head, Luke reached over and ran his hand over her belly, somehow feeling their son deep within. "I hope you know I'd do anything for you, for both of you, for all three of you," he whispered in her ear, waiting for her to grin and wipe her eyes as he knew she would, but she didn't.

Scooting her body over so she slightly faced him, she stared at him, a serious expression on her face and his heart dropped as he wondered if he had done something wrong. "Luke," she said hoarsely, picking up his hand off her belly, gently playing with his fingers as she considered her words. She took a deep breath and dropped his hand, reaching up instead to cup the side of his face with her hand. "Don't you know you're my rock? I just wish I could do the same for you, I just wish that I could be there for you just as you've always been there for me."

"Lorelai," he admonished her, completely floored by her sincere statement. He grabbed her hand in his, holding it tightly as he stared into her eyes. "Don't you know that you're the only reason I got through Liz's death? You gave up everything for me. Even when I treated you horribly, you completely devoted yourself to me. Don't think I didn't notice it. Not for a moment." She tried to breathe but her lungs seemed completely devoid of air in that moment. He knew. He had been lost and destroyed but he had appreciated her attempts to take care of him, not just to prove herself worthy or to win him back, but only because it was everything he deserved, because she couldn't bear to watch him hurt or even to let him go on in pain even if he tried to hide it deep inside.

Running his hand up her arm, he gingerly ran his fingers over the pale, smooth skin of her shoulder. "I love you Lorelai," he said quietly, as if it were just the sound of the breeze coming in the window. He motioned with his head, that little movement that meant 'com'ere' in Luke language and she smiled softly, cuddling closer to him, pressing her lips against his, letting this moment be what it was. And it was, it was perfect.

And now, just a bit less than twenty-four hours later, he sits on the bed, with his wife leaning back against him, his infant son in her arms. Placing small kisses on her shoulder, he looks over at his son. "Matthew," he says, as if saying his son's name completes the deal. She glances over her shoulder to catch his elated smile.

"So, Liz would be happy?" she asks with hope in her voice. He nods. "I think so too, because we could be married to each other for most of our lives," she explains, but not really. His face scrunches up in confusion as the door opens to the room.

In walk Rory and April, who has Gabriel in her arms. "Mommy!" Gabriel squeals excitedly the moment they walk inside and squirms in his sister's arms, forcing her to let him down on the bed. He scrambles quickly up to Lorelai and Luke, squishing himself in so that he's also leaning back against Luke and curled up against Lorelai at the same time. Glancing over his shoulder and smiling up at Luke, he waves his little fingers up at his dad. "Hi Daddy," he says innocently.

Luke lifts his hand, ruffling the boy's hair. "Heya Buddy," he answers and winks at Rory and April, who settle at the foot of the bed.

"Guys, I want you to meet your brother, Matthew. Matthew Elliot Danes," Lorelai says a wondrous tone to her voice, as she stares down at the infant in her arms. Rory moves to hug her mom, so Lorelai carefully hands Matthew over to Luke, forcing Gabriel to move into her lap. Both the girls exclaim how cute and adorable their brother is, but Gabriel just stares at him, wide-eyed. "Gabriel, don't you want to say hi to your brother?" Lorelai asks, a little worried. She had hoped that things would be settled in this aspect before Matthew was born.

Gabriel looked up at his mother for a moment, as if checking to make sure that he's still in her heart and her eyes shine back at him as she rubs his arm gently. Leaning over towards Matthew, Gabriel places a small kiss on his brother's forehead. "Hi Matty," Gabriel says making everyone else laugh and then he giggles too, not really understanding why.

With his younger son in his arms, Luke slowly glances around the room from his step-daughter to his actual daughter to his son and up to his wife, who is looking at him with a gaze that's so tender, so adoring, that he feels his heart fill and his chest expand to include it. She leans over and kisses him and then pulls Gabriel against her as she turns to chat with the girls.

As the rest of the family talks and gabs, Luke stares down at the little boy in his arms, his son, his and Lorelai's, and he realizes now, more than ever before, this is what he could have lost. This child, this beautiful, angelic child, might never have come to be if he hadn't figured out how to let her in. He had always been a family man, his love for his parents and his sister lasting far beyond their deaths, but until he met Lorelai, he had never realized that his family would ever include more than those three. And now, she is it, she and the kids, they are everything to him, they are his whole world and he's finally settled. He's got his sons and his daughters, but most of all, he has Lorelai, the one person he knows he couldn't live without. He had tried, twice actually, but the second time he tried, he truly thought he would never get her back. It wasn't about that, it wasn't about getting her back, it was about allowing her back into his life, it was about forgiving and going on because love conquers all, because his life was miserable without her, because his life really wasn't a life without her in it, supporting him, loving him, making him smile, just getting him through each day one minute at a time. And if someone were to ask why he forgave, why he learned to trust her again, why he finally realized that she was worth it all, he could say it was because of a little angel named Gabriel.


End file.

Gilmore Girls, Angst