Glee 1. The Bitch of Living

**Disclaimer:** not mine, I wish it were.

**A/N: **I am not sure where this is going, I just really felt the need to write it. the story starts off after Bad Reputations, the last time Rachel and Jesse spoke was the scene at her locker.

**The Bitch of Living**

She knew it the moment he stepped away from her locker. That didn't stop her from sending a half dozen texts and leaving an embarrassing number of messages on his voicemail. It didn't stop her from checking for his car in the parking lot the next morning or scanning the hallways for his perfectly coiffed hair. She was actually able to hold out hope until Jacob approached her in the hallway right before first period.

"Not now Jacob." She was in no mood to deal with him.

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am to hear about your breakup," He continued as though she hadn't interrupted. "And to offer you my shoulder to cry on if -" Rachel slammed her locker closed.

"I don't know where you get your information, but Jesse and I are NOT broken up." She said scathingly, and turned to storm away dramatically.

"Then why did he withdraw himself from school." The words brought her up short and she felt a sudden pain in her chest.

"Where did you hear that?" she asked him, and hated the slight quiver in her voice.

"I have a source in the principal's office." She could hear the superior smile in his voice, "He and his parents were here an hour ago." she turned back around to face him and saw the smug look on his face. "Your boyfriend is gone."

She opened up her mouth to reply, but couldn't think of a single word to say. She turned and ran away, not bothering to look back when she heard the splash of a slushie and Jacob let out an indignant cry behind her. She didn't let the first tear fall until she was safely inside a closed bathroom stall. He was gone._  
_  
_"I should have been enough for you"_ the words echoed through her head and it only hurt more to know that they were true and she only has herself to blame. She wanted to be "Musically promiscuous" and hadn't considered what sort of signal that would send to Jesse, or Puck, or Finn. Once again the only person whose feelings she considered were her own, and now she was forced to deal with the consequences. The sound of the bell ringing for first period was amplified by the bathroom walls and startled her out of her painful reverie.

For a moment she debated cutting class and going home to continue crying, but she dismissed the thought. Daddy would still be there, and as well intentioned as his concern may be, she really didn't want to have this conversation with him. Stepping out of the stall she used toilet paper to clean the tear stains as best she could and tried to make herself look as presentable and camera ready as possible. She stared at herself in the mirror until she could force her pained features into a well practiced look of composed calmness and then marched back out into the quickly emptying hallways to face the world.

She made it to class just before the tardy bell rang and it felt like everyone in the room was looking at her. It was amazing how the attention she would usually relish in had now become suffocating. As she made her way to her empty desk she just knew that every whisper behind cupped hands and secretive giggle was about her. But, of course, they weren't. Not even Jacob could spread gossip that fast, but the empty desk beside her felt like a flashing neon sign, announcing to all of McKinley high that she had driven away another boy.

She closed her eyes and pushed those thoughts away. Mr. Herbert had already started scribbling on the board, and she had to scramble to get out a notebook and pen to take down notes. And somehow she managed to make it through her first period, and her second period after that. She almost thought that she might be able to make it through the day under the radar, but that notion was shattered in third period when Finn plopped down next to her in the chair that, until today, Jesse had filled.

"Hey," he said pleasantly.

"Hello Finn," she says politely, "Did you finish the assignment from chapter five? I spent nearly an hour looking for the answer to question 6 in the book, until finally I found it in chapter 4, and I know that Ms. Glass throws in questions from other chapters intentionally in order to waste our time," she was rambling, but it was the only thing she can think of doing (short of bursting out into song) in order to avoid the topic he wanted to discuss. "I don't know how knowing about mitosis is going to help me with my Broadway career. It's like –"

"SO I heard about Jesse," he interrupted loudly, once again showing his subtlety. "I'm sorry –"

"No you're not," Rachel said, being equally abrupt.

"No, I'm not," he admitted unabashedly. "Listen, how about you and I go out tonight and…talk or something?"

She didn't even want to think about what the 'or something' might be. "Finn -"

"Ms. Berry, Mr. Hudson, should I wait until your conversation is over?" Ms. Glass asked from the front of the class, sparing Rachel the trouble of answering immediately.

"No! Sorry!" she said quickly before ducking her head. Finn mumbled an apology beside her and the lesson carried on with Rachel studiously ignoring Finn's attempts to catch her eye. So of course this would be the first time all semester that the time flew by in biology class. Before the bell even rang had most of her things packed away and she was about to make a dash for the door when Finn stood up directly in her path. She watched in resignation as Quinn, Santana, Brittney and the rest of the class streamed out, leaving them alone.

"So, what do you say?" he asked determinedly.

"Finn – I can't," Rachel told him, her anxiety to get this over and done with prompting her to talk faster. "I am not in any state of mind to commit myself to a new relationship, especially since I'm not sure what's going on with Jesse – "

"Not sure?" He asked incredulously, "Rachel he withdrew himself from school." Apparently the news didn't take that long to travel. "He just left! He abandoned you…and abandoned the Glee club." He took a step closer and looked at her with those big puppy dog eyes. "I would never do that to you."

She had to look away, "No, you would breakup with me for no reason at all, and then start dating Santana and Brittney." It came out angry and defensive, "I thought you wanted to be a rock star. Whatever happened to that?" She knew it wasn't fair, but neither was forcing this conversation on her.

"Is that what this is about?" She could hear the frustration in his voice. "I know I messed up, but all the calendars, and couples schedules and duets, and matching his and hers outfits…You just came on too strong, too soon...I wasn't ready to make that much of a commitment…"

Rachel nodded and tried to walk around him, "But I am now!" He added quickly, causing her to stop with a sigh.

"Finn, he's been gone for three hours. I'm just not ready to start dating yet," she told him tiredly.

"Then I'll wait until you are," he told her just as determinedly as before.

"Fine," she conceded, just so she could be done with this conversation. "I'll see you in glee club." She told him and walked out the door without waiting for a reply. Finally out of the classroom she realized that it was now her lunch time, which she had fallen into the habit of spending with Jesse since they'd started dating. She didn't know how he had managed to integrate himself into almost every aspect of her life so quickly, but she felt his absence keenly in that moment. She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the football jersey moving her way until she felt the icy chill of strawberry slushie hit her face.

_Perfect_, she thought as she felt the ice begin to slide under the neck of her shirt, and the chuckles and jeers moved past her down the hall. She stopped by her locker to get the spare clothes she always kept on hand before going to the bathroom to change. Luckily none of it had leaked into her underclothes yet, so she just had to change the top layers. This was the first time in weeks she had been slushied. Ever since Jesse had stepped between her and a slushie carrying jock and made it explicitly clear that anyone who threw a slushie at his girlfriend would have to deal with him, most of the jock's seemed surprisingly cowed. As much as Rachel abhorred violence (she liked to think that it had been an empty threat) she couldn't help being turned on by his chivalry.

She supposed this was the jock's way of letting her know that her free hall pass was now over. She was just putting on her new outfit when she heard the door to the bathroom slam open and someone retching a few stalls down. She put her soaked clothes in a sealed bag and stepped out of her stall, just as she heard coughing and a toilet flushing. Reaching into her backpack she pulled out an unopened bottle of water and held it out as Quinn stepped out of the nearby stall. For a moment she looks startled and a little embarrassed, but she quickly hid it behind her usual mask.

"Are you alright?" Rachel asked with concern.

"I'm pregnant," Quinn responded dryly.

Rachel felt her cheeks warm at the obviousness of her question, but continued to hold out the water. "It's unopened." She assured Quinn, in case the other girl was concerned about catching some sort of social awkwardness bug. Quinn just stared. She was about to return the water to her bag when Quinn stepped forward and took it from her hand. "Thank you." She said simple, before walking over to the sink and using it to rinse out her mouth.

For a moment Rachel was surprised that she actually accepted the help, and didn't know what to do with herself. The awkwardness was set aside when she felt a bit of ice drip down the side of her face and hurries over to the sink to rinse out her hair once again. She became so engrossed in getting out the last of the sticky corn syrup that she was surprised when she lifted her head from the sink to find Quinn staring at her. Rachel quickly grabbed a towel to dry her hair and expected Quinn to turn away, but she just continued staring.

"After all that work you put in to get him to notice you, you're seriously not going to go out with him?" Quinn asked incredulously. Although her words held no anger or malice they still made Rachel feel incredibly uncomfortable.

She started awkwardly, "Quinn…I'm – "

"Don't." Quinn said decisively, "I'm over it." When Rachel still looked skeptical she continued, "He would have found out sooner or later, and as much as it hurt, sooner was definitely better than later." She put a hand over her belly, and for a moment Rachel could see the sadness in her eyes. "Anyway, we aren't talking about me."

"How do you even know he asked me out?"

"Besides the fact that I was sitting directly behind you two?" Quinn asked sarcastically, "Finn is about as subtle as drunken elephant. Stop trying to change the subject."

"Finn is a great guy," Rachel answered slowly, actually considering the question this time, "but Jesse is the first guy I've ever met who actually gets me. I mean, He has a Broadway collection big enough to rival my own, he actually understands my jokes and references, and he has similar ambitions. And on top of that, I didn't have to pressure him into joining the Glee club. He's one of the most talented singers I have ever met…" Her voice trailed off as she stood there with a slightly dreamy look on her face.

"Oh god," Quinn said with an eye roll and an amused expression, snapping Rachel out of her musings. "At least some things never change," she said wryly. "You've always been one to fall fast." She elaborated when she noticed Rachel's confused look.

"No I haven't," Rachel retorted, not sure whether she should be insulted or not.

"Yes, you have!" Quinn exclaimed with a slight laugh. "About a week after 'Justified' came out you were absolutely convinced that Justin Timberlake was your soul mate."

Rachel laughed out loud, "I first became interested in him back when he was in N'Sync. His venturing out into a solo career just solidified my love for him, as an artist and a human being, and confirmed my suspicions that the rest of the band was just holding him back from reaching his true potential. My love for him took years to blossom and is still very much alive today." Rachel defended avidly, as she remembered the days spent sitting in her room with Quinn playing that CD on repeat until it started to skip, and Quinn refused to come over until she stopped playing it. With all the drama that had taken over their lives since they entered high school it was easy to forget that they had once been friends. In fact, it had become an unspoken understanding between them that they would both pretend as though it had never happened. This was the first time since middle school that either of them had brought it up, and for the first time in years Rachel felt comfortable confiding in Quinn.

"I know it's fast," she said seriously as Quinn's laughter died down. "But I've never felt this way about a guy before. For the first time in my life I feel like someone fully accepts me for who I am. He's seen my flaws and hasn't asked me to change a single thing. Jesse makes me feel like it's ok to be me," she said with a small shrug and a new sense of loss. This was the first time she had said any of this out loud.

Quinn nodded her head sadly, "You know, I am just starting to figure out how important that really is. I spent so much time making myself into the person that everyone else wanted me to be…the perfect daughter, the perfect girlfriend, the head cheerleader…and now that I can't be that person anymore …" she let that train of thought trail off, "I'm sorry, about your break up with Jesse." She said sincerely.

Rachel simply nodded her head in acceptance, sensing that the conversation was over. Quinn nodded back and walked out of the bathroom with pains of her own to think about. Rachel remained in the same position, somewhat shocked that she had just had a civil conversation with Quinn Fabray, perhaps the first one in years that didn't contain any insults or slights.

She ended up waiting out her lunch period in the library, and made it through her final class without any further incidents. When the final bell rang Rachel lingered a little longer than necessary in the classroom, taking her time as she packed away her things, and generally just stalling for as long as she could, but soon her desk was entirely cleared, and despite dragging her feet she eventually found herself standing outside the door to the choir room.

This time when she walked through the door everyone really was staring at her, and the room went silent. Apparently she had just interrupted a very lively discussion between Finn, Kurt, Artie, Tina and Mercedes, and no one looked very happy.

"Well, speak of the devil." Kurt said haughtily.

"So, first you force your little boyfriend onto the team and get him into all the lead male roles, then he dumps you and leaves us all high and dry?" Mercedes questioned angrily, never one to shrink from confrontation.

"I told you he was a spy." Santana said matter-of-factly from her seat next to Brittany.

"No he wasn't!" Rachel exclaimed, feeling the need to defend Jesse and herself, "Just because he left the glee club doesn't make him a spy."

"Oh please," Kurt laughed derisively, "he used you in order to infiltrate the club, and now that he's gone you just can't admit it."

"Hey, back off," Finn stepped in, and Rachel felt a swell of gratitude, "you guys know Rachel cares about this club more than anyone. It's not her fault she got played by Jesse."

"It's entirely her fault," Kurt responded dryly.

"Alright, enough!" Mr. Schue said before Rachel could once again raise a defense. At some point during their conversation he had slipped in unnoticed. "Everybody take a seat." He told them, and the matter was momentarily dropped as everyone found a chair to sit in. Rachel ended up in the second row, between Finn and Mike Chang, who didn't seem to have taken a side in the argument.

"Now, as I'm sure you've all heard by now, Jesse St. James has quit the glee club, so we are going to need to reassign some roles," He said with a not so subtle glance at Finn, who had begun playing second fiddle since Jesse's arrival.

"Mr. Schue, what are we going to do about our set list? Jesse knows everything about us, and there's no way he isn't going to tell Vocal adrenaline." Artie asked.

"We've hardly worked on a set list since he's been here!" Rachel could feel her frustration rising.

"Guys, listen, we're just going to have to work at it that much harder," Mr. Shue told them simply and elicited a few groans. "A set list is just a set list, what you have – what makes this club so special – isn't something that Vocal Adrenaline can steal. I know that if we put our minds to it we're going to kill at regionals," he said encouragingly, but the tension from before still lingered in the air.

"Alright, come on, guys!" Mr. Schue said imploringly, trying to get a rise out of them, "Are there any suggestions for this week's songs?" he decided that appealing to their creative sides would get a response.

"How about heartbreak?" Kurt asked sarcastically. Rachel wished she had left this morning when she had the chance, but knew that it would've only been worse if she had waited to face them.

"We haven't done betrayal yet," Mercedes suggested with a slight smirk at Kurt.

"OR, how about we practice 'Somebody to love' for Regionals?" Rachel asked loudly, refusing to rise to their bait.

"Or we could do 'don't stop believing', it feels like we haven't practiced that one in a while…" Quinn jumped in for the first time, and Rachel turned around to shoot her a look of gratitude and surprise. Despite their heart to heart in the bathroom earlier she hadn't expected Quinn to openly take her side on any topic.

"Great suggestions…I think we're gonna go with Mercedes idea this week," Mr. Shcue decides after a quick deliberation. There were obviously some feeling these kids needed to work out, and it was better to do it now through song than let it fester."Ok, so I'm gonna end this meeting early so you can all get started on those songs."

Conversations once again picked up as everyone began filing out of the room, and Rachel got up from her seat feeling like she just went through the longest day of her life. _Betrayal_, she thought as she made her way out to the parking lot. The show choir professional in her was already cataloging emotionally resonant songs, but the rest of her still hadn't accepted it as true. She got in her car and puts her keys into the ignition, sitting there for a moment in indecision. By the time she pulled out of the parking lot she had made her decision. She had to go see him.

* * *

Please leave a review, and tell me if I should continue.


	2. Conversations

Disclaimer: don't own any of these characters, If I did the Gaga Episode would have gone a lot differently.

A/N: This story will not be going the same route that the show took. I began this story with the assumption that Shelby understood that Rachel is a teenager, and that Jesse genuinely cares for Rachel. Even if you don't like it, please leave a review. Much like Rachel, I will never improve if no one ever tells me what I am doing wrong.

**Conversations**

Rachel sat in her car with the windows rolled up and Bernadette Peters belting from her speakers, and told herself to go and knock on the door. She'd been parked outside his home for the past thirty minutes, but she still had not worked up the nerve to get out of the car. She could see his car sitting there in the driveway, so she couldn't pretend that he wasn't home. No, the reason she was just sitting there was because she didn't know what she was going to say to him when she saw him. She had played out at least a dozen scenarios in her head; There was one where he opens the door, pulls her into his arms, and tells her that he's made the biggest mistake of his life and then begs her to take him back. Then there was one where she pours out her heart to him and he laughs in her face before telling her that he really has been using her all along, and she was just stupid enough to fall for him. There were plenty of variation in between those two, but those were the ones that really stuck out in her head. She just didn't know what she was going to say when she saw him. She just didn't know how this story would play out, and that terrified her.

After another five minutes she felt no more prepared than she had five minutes ago, but her body refused to allow her to sit still any longer. It took her two seconds to get from her car to his door and before her brain could catch up to her body she felt her finger jabbing the door bell and heard a loud ding-dong reverberating through the house. _Oh god_, she thought. Now that she was standing here at his door she realized how bad an idea this really was. She should have driven away while she still had the chance. Maybe if she ran she could make it back to her car before-

"Rachel!" Jesse's stepmother, Mandy, exclaimed when she opened the door. According to Jesse his father had married the 26-year-old ex-cheerleader four years ago, after exactly six months of dating. Personally Rachel thought Mandy seemed sweet, if a bit ditzy, but she could completely understand why Jesse didn't want her as his stepmother. The first time they met she had assumed Mandy was his sister. "It's so great to see you! Come in. Jesse is up in his room, you can go straight up." She told her, closing the door as Rachel crossed the threshold. For a moment Rachel stood at the bottom of the stairs, unmoving.

"Is something wrong?" Mandy asked when she continues to just stand there.

"No. Everything is fine," she forced her legs to start moving up the stairs. She heard Mandy go walking off behind her and briefly considers running back out the door, but that would be ridiculous. Even if she did make it out of the house and back to her car undetected Mandy was sure to mention her odd behavior to Jesse. And what would he think of her then? She had to face him. She took a deep breath when she reached his bedroom door and let her fist lightly knock on the hard wood. Inside the room she heard the muted tinkling of piano keys suddenly cut off.

In the blink of an eye the solid wooden barrier in front of her was removed and he was standing there with a slightly surprised look on his face. "Rachel…!"

"Can I come in?" She asked determinedly. "We need to talk," her voice left no room for discussion, and after a slight hesitation he moved out of the doorway to let her pass. She wasn't sure where her sudden confidence has come from, but she was glad it had returned. She took in his now familiar room in a glance and noticed the numerous pieces of sheet music spread out over his desk, but for once she didn't allow herself to become distracted by them.

"You withdrew yourself from school this morning." She intended it to be a question but it came out as part statement and part accusation.

"Yes," he says simply. Rachel wasn't sure if the tinge of sadness she heard was real or just wishful thinking on her part.

"So…did you feel anything for me at all?" she asked him quietly, with a hurt look on her face, and was proud when her voice didn't shake.

"Rachel, you know I did," he locked eyes with her intensely and took a step toward her. "I still do." He broke eye contact.

"Then why did you leave?" She demanded. "I had to hear that you were gone from Jacob Ben Israel, in the middle of a hallway. I mean, you didn't even say…" She stopped herself in order to keep her voice from cracking. Jesse took another step towards her and there were only a few inches of space left between them. For a moment she was convinced that he was going to wrap his arms around her and apologize. The moment passed.

"I didn't think there was anything left to say," he told her quietly, with regret. "I can't be in a relationship with someone who isn't over their ex yet. I'm not interested in playing understudy to Finn Hudson."

"You're not!" She exclaimed loudly, "Jesse, I'm sorry about the 'Run, Joey, Run!' video. I got so caught up in the idea of having a bad reputation that I didn't take into account how it would make _you _feel to see me being 'musically promiscuous', and I'm sorry for that." The words came out in a rush as she stared up into his eyes.

"I know," he told her reluctantly, understanding that, while she may not be tactful at times Rachel Berry was never intentionally mean. "But that doesn't change the fact that you still have feelings for him." He said as he turned away from her to sit down on his bed.

"No, I don't." She assured him, feeling her brief sense of relief at his acceptance of her apology fade away. "Jesse…If I wanted to be with Finn right now, I would be with Finn. Whatever feelings we had for each other are in the past now. We're _just friends_." Her words didn't seem to have any effect on him.

"I wish I could believe that," He told her, shaking his head slowly. "But I've seen the way he looks at you. Maybe you want to let go of your past together, but he obviously doesn't." Rachel shook her head in denial, but she knew it was true. "Tell me," he leaned forward and looked into her eyes intently, "Has he asked you out yet?" It was Rachel's turn to look away. "I've been gone for one day!"

"I told him 'no'." She assured him conciliatorily. He gave a derisive laugh at that and stood back up to begin pacing the room. "What…what about the Glee club?" she asked him, desperately trying to change the subject.

"Rachel, I came to McKinley to be with you _despite_ your glee club." He told her honestly. She stared at him. "You've done an amazing job with it so far, I mean winning sectionals?" There was true admiration in his voice, "But, there is only so far you can carry that club alone."

"The others are not that bad!" She suddenly felt the need to defend her teammates.

"They're great if your plan is to keep winning local competitions against deaf kids and juvenile delinquents. But Regionals? Nationals? Do you honestly think that New Directions is going to stand a chance against teams like Vocal Adrenaline?" He asked dubiously.

She didn't say anything for a long moment, and that was enough of an answer for both of them. If she was being honest with herself she had to admit that she had her own doubts about their chances of actually winning at Regionals, especially when Mr. Shue had them learning life lessons every week instead of practicing an actual set list, but she refused to admit that out loud.

"I don't know what you want me to say," she told him.

"Rachel, I left my school, my friends and the best glee club in Ohio in order to be with you, and the best you can say is that you didn't immediately fall back into Finns arms when I left?" He asked incredulously, running his hands through his hair, which Rachel had come to recognize as one of his nervous ticks.

"That's not fair." She told him defensively. It wasn't like she asked him to do any of that. _But he did…_ a voice in the back of her mind whispered. She quickly suppressed that traitorous thought.

"I know it isn't fair," he said in frustration. "But I can't go back to McKinley high and pretend that everything is OK. And I can't sit in an audience and watch you sing love ballads with him on stage knowing that he is probably hitting on you the moment that my back is turned. It just…doesn't work that way." There was hopelessness to his tone, and a note of finality.

Rachel had to swallow past the lump in her throat before she could speak. "So…where does that leave us? We're just done?"

"I don't know." This time she was certain she could hear the pain in his voice, "I don't want us to be…" He walked forward and gently took her hand.

"Neither do I," she told him as she felt tears break free. Finally he stepped forward and took her into his arms, and her head comes to rest against his chest as she tried to control her tears. Neither of them knew how long they stood there like that, but eventual Rachel stopped crying.

"Why can't we just be like this? You don't have to come back to McKinley, we can just…" She didn't finish the thought.

"Rachel, the reason I joined New Directions in the first place is because we both knew that this Romeo & Juliet thing wouldn't end well." He kissed the top of her head and then let her go.

"Then what do we do?" She asked as she wiped away the last traces of her tears. There had to be something that they could do.

He let the question hang in the air for a moment. "Call me when you figure it out," he told her, and they both knew that this conversation was over for now. She closed the gap between them and placed a simple kiss on his lips before turning around and walking out the door. It really didn't matter what the situation was, Rachel Berry always knew how to make a dramatic exit.

Jesse was left standing alone in his room contemplating the girl who had just walked out his door. It was a risky game he was playing, he knew, but he was sure that this relationship was worth it. He had never really known anyone like her before. Sure, he had met some passionate young singers at the competitions he's attended, but his interaction with them were usually limited to a handshake before the show and a few scathing words of criticism afterward. Vocal Adrenaline had more than its fair share of diva's, all of them talented, but Jesse had always felt like he stood out from the rest of group.

When Shelby first took over the job as Director of Vocal Adrenaline it was because her predecessor had been fired for not allowing students to graduate and padding GPA's so they remained eligible to compete. Shelby's first, and most controversial, order of business was to clean house and get rid of anyone who wasn't pulling their weight vocally or academically. Add that to the number of students who were finally allowed to graduate and Vocal Adrenaline was left with no members. Anticipating this result, Shelby immediately began scouting new talent and one of her first stops was to Ashman middle school, where a young Jesse St. James was just finishing up his final year.

She approached him backstage after his final recital of the semester and started the conversation by critiquing his performance. It was the first time he had ever gotten a completely honest analysis of his singing before and he was shocked by her blunt assessment of his skills. None of his music teachers had ever said a bad word about his singing before, but he realized now that it was probably because his father was one of the schools biggest donors, and you didn't insult the kid whose father paid for most the instruments in your class.

Needless to say, he jumped at the opportunity to join the new Vocal Adrenaline the moment she offered him a spot. She ended up recruiting a number of other students to the team the same way, but since the beginning Jesse had always been the brightest star in the room. Shelby liked him, not because he was naturally talented, but because in a room full of other kids who were just as talented he worked his ass off to become the best. He took her criticism to heart and actually put in the effort to try to improve. Jesse woke up two hours before school every morning in order warm up his vocal chords, and usually stayed in the auditorium long after practice was done. It was that drive that made him the de facto leader of Vocal adrenaline, and it was that drive that made him Shelby's protégé.

The real irony in all of this was that Jesse was never actually supposed to go to Carmel high. The location of his home put him in the McKinley school zone, and until Shelby intervened on his behalf he had been slated to attend the same school as Rachel. When he first transferred into the school he had thought of it as his opportunity to get a close up look at the path not taken. If Jesse had attended McKinley high school he wouldn't be _Jesse St. James_: three time regional glee club champion. He wouldn't be one of the most popular guys in school. Hell, he probably wouldn't even be a very good singer. By McKinley's standards, he would have been a loser, just another glee club dork with a superiority complex. Walking down the halls at McKinley and seeing jocks actually throw slushies in peoples faces had shocked him. If someone had tried that on a member of Vocal Adrenaline he has no doubt they would have been suspended, or at the very least there would have been a fight, but at McKinley even that macho ex-jock Puck didn't try to defend himself against it. It was like they all accepted their place as the floor mat at the bottom of the ladder that is high school hierarchy.

That didn't even begin to describe his feelings about McKinley's glee club, which until this year had been practically nonexistent. Jesse had been there when Shelby began rebuilding Vocal Adrenaline from scratch and knew how difficult it was to whip a bunch of untrained teenagers into a championship team, but even so, it was hard for him to imagine that Vocal Adrenaline had ever been as bad a shape as New Directions was in now. Even when they were at their worst they still had Shelby's skill and vision to guide them. New Directions didn't even have that. Sure, Will Schuester tried to teach his students teamwork and make the club a place where anyone could be accepted, but that wouldn't be enough to win Regionals for them. As far as Jesse was concerned the only thing McKinley high currently has going for it is Rachel Berry, and hopefully soon it wouldn't have her either.

Jesse hadn't lied when he said he had feelings for her, but the 'Run, Joey, Run' incident had put things into perspective. As long as they were at McKinley Rachel would always be torn between him and Finn Hudson. Suddenly leaving school had been an act of compulsion and desperation, not a part of any plan, and Shelby had been pissed when he went to tell her that morning that he had re-enrolled in Carmel.

"_You did what?" She demanded when he turned up in her office to explain what had happened._

"_I left," He told her, and before she could interrupt he said, "I had to leave! So long as she is stuck at McKinley, with that douche Finn, there is no way she was going to commit to our relationship."_

"_I didn't send you there to SEDUCE HER." Shelby yelled in frustration._

"_This plan will work out for the both of us," Jesse tried to appease her, "Rachel is going to realize that she cares about me more than she cares about Finn and then she'll realize that New Directions is just holding her back. Once she does she'll transfer to Carmel and then it won't be long before she figures out that you're her mother." he explained it with a calmness that irritated the hell out of Shelby._

_"Her fathers aren't going to let her come anywhere near me," she explained in frustration. "As soon as they find out I'm here -"_

"_But they won't," Jesse was just as obstinate, "At least not until it's too late. The plan was to convince her to go looking for you, right? Well once she transfers here it'll only be a matter of time before she puts the pieces together, and in the mean time there is no way Rachel will let her fathers pull her out of school without a damn good explanation. They can't realistically expect an award winning Glee coach to quit her job because Rachel suddenly decided to switch schools in order to be with her boyfriend, and there is no way they can keep Rachel from joining your glee club without telling her why."_

_Shelby still didn't look convinced. "You don't think they'll be the least bit suspicious that one of my star singers suddenly convinced their daughter to come and join my Glee club?" she pointed out the obviousness of this plan. _

_Jesse ran his finger through his hair, thinking. "As soon as she shows up in your office go to her fathers and tell them the problem. Tell them that you have worked here for three years and you had no way of knowing that Rachel would suddenly come back into your life asking to join your glee club. You'll be absolved of any accusations before they even make them. They will either tell her who you are, or they won't - either way, you look like the good guy in this, and Rachel finds out who you are."_

_Shelby found the one fatal flaw in this Machiavellian plan, "You're assuming that Rachel will leave her friends and school in order to be with you." _

"_Rachel doesn't have any friends, not really." He admitted to her reluctantly, "The kids in the Glee club _tolerate _her because she's the best singer they've got, and the rest of the school treats them all like freaks. Nobody there understands her." Shelby looked away from him, saddened but not quite surprised. She knew exactly what it was like to be shunned because of your talent. She had been a social outcast in high school too. "She needs this, just as much as we do." Jesse told her and finally saw her nod in acceptance._

The ball was in Rachel's court now, and whatever happened next Jesse had no choice. He hd to trust Rachel to make the right decision.

I rewrote this chapter a number of times before completely scrapping my original idea and going with this, so please tell me what you think.


	3. Going Home

Disclaimer: The character that you recognize aren't mine. the OC's are.

A/N: I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this chapter, but I hope you all like it. Constructive criticism is not only welcome, it is encouraged.

**Going Home**

Walking through the halls of Carmel High school felt strange and familiar at the same time. It was like the feeling he got when he returned home to his mansion after performing in a homeless shelter, except his performance at McKinley had been extended for over a month. The things that would normally annoy him - students humming off key, florescent lighting, a girl trying to pull off a prison-orange t-shirt – seemed a lot more bearable now, because he knew how much worse it could be. The crowded hallways parted around him like Morpheus walking through the fucking matrix, and it felt so good to be home. At Carmel high school Jesse St. James was a star. Everyone knew who he was. People waved at him as he passed and welcomed him back happily. There were no slushie-facials here. He nodded to some of the guys on the football team as he walked by them and they nod back. He had never really liked them (the feeling was mutual) but now he could at least respect them for keeping their aggression on the field and treating everyone else in the school with a little base respect.

By the time he reached his locker he was back in his zone and feeling better than he had in days.

"Jesse," he heard a familiar voice say behind him. He turned around to see two of his friends from Vocal Adrenaline, Kendra and Oliver, standing there. "Hey, it's 'bout time you got your ass back here." Kendra said as she stepped forward to give him a hug.

"What the hell has been going on with you, man? You just up and leave without a word?" Oliver asked incredulously. _Apparently that is becoming a habit with me,_ Jesse thought to himself. When he transferred to McKinley he knew that they would probably be suspicious of him, so he had essentially cut all ties with Vocal Adrenaline for the past few weeks. It was a good thing too, because he had caught sight of Finn, Mercedes, and Kurt each trailing him on separate occasions, and he was pretty sure that Santana had gone through his cell phone the time he forgot it in the choir room. Jesse had left it up to Shelby to make his excuses to the team for him, and apparently she hadn't answered their questions thoroughly enough.

"What did Coach Corcoran tell you?" Jesse asked them; though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"She said you were taking a break. That you had some problems you needed to work out of your system, but you would be back soon." Kendra told him skeptically. Shelby had kept it vague, probably so that he wouldn't get caught in a lie later.

"Is it true you left 'cause of some girl?" Ollie asked him.

"Her name is Rachel, and Coach Corcoran was right, I had some things I needed to figure out," He told them, being as honest as he can. "But I'm back now." He turned back towards his locker to grab a book and hoped that his confidence would be enough to see him through this without any hurt feelings. They were both silent behind him and he could practically feel their bewildered looks on his back.

"You seriously left Vocal Adrenaline because of some girl?" Kendra asked him in disbelief. Jesse had played a big part in making the team the award winning champions that they were today. Anyone who knew him knew how important Vocal Adrenaline was to him, and Kendra and Ollie knew him better than most.

"Look, it's complicated, ok?" Jesse told them candidly, "I promise I'll tell you guys everything as soon as I can, but for right now I just need you to trust me." These were two of the few people he would actually consider close friends and he did plan on being straight with them eventually, but for right now it was too risky. He knew that if he couldn't convince them to let him off the hook he wouldn't be able to convince anyone else, so he held his breath in anticipation of their reactions.

He could see uncertainty in both of their eyes, but Ollie surprised him. "Alright, but it better be damn good," he told Jesse, and Kendra nodded her head beside him, accepting his explanation for now. He knew that the rest of the team would give him hell, and maybe he deserved it, but he knew he would survive it. He was one of the best singers Vocal Adrenaline had, and at the end of the day he knew that would matter more to them than any personal feelings they may have about him.

Throughout the rest of the day he went seeking out as many of the key members of Vocal Adrenaline as he could, during classes and at lunch, and told them his story about needing to figure some things out and getting a wakeup call at McKinley. Some of them were understanding, and some of them aren't, but for the most part they all seem to accept his return for what it was; good news. All day long it felt like he was picking up little pieces of his old life, right up until the end of the day when it all culminates in his triumphant return to the Vocal Adrenaline stage. Stepping out onto that hardwood floor with the stage lights beaming down on him like two dozen miniature suns felt like coming home.

Ignoring the other students standing out on stage and their whispers, he stared out at the empty audience and allowed himself a moment to take it all in.

"Jesse!" He heard a deceptively cheerful voice call his name, and steeled himself as he turned around. Julia Thompson stood behind him on stage with a fake smile and a fake Prada purse, pretending both were real and convincing no one. "Back from your foray into mediocrity?" she asked bitingly, and he heard a few laughs around the room.

"Yes. When will you return from yours?" Jesse threw it right back at her and he was glad to hear more people laugh at her than at him.

"Seriously, Jesse, are you sure you're done 'finding yourself' now?" Eric McClendon asked from down stage, "I mean you didn't leave any pieces of yourself behind, did you?" He had no idea how dead on that question really was, but Jesse didn't hesitate.

"I'm sure your mother will send them to me if I did." He shot back, and now almost everyone was laughing. Jesse knew that it had more to do with the fact that Eric was a prick than any real loyalty to him but he allowed himself to feel pleased about it anyway. With a slight blush on his face Eric opens his mouth to retort, but didn't get the chance.

"Glad to see you're all in such a good mood." Shelby said as she walks out on stage, commanding everyone's attention with zero effort. "Take a second to cherish it." She paused for a few seconds and Jesse knows that whatever she had planned was going to be exhausting, "…now take the Queen Medley from the top," she told them as she walked off stage. There were a few groans and sighs, but no one openly complained. There were a couple of surprised looks when Jesse took his place on stage with them. Though he wasn't a fan of fading into the background he was admittedly proud of himself when he was able to keep up with everyone else. During his time at McKinley Shelby had kept him apprised of everything going on with Vocal Adrenaline and tried to keep him up to date on the songs and dance moves he would need to know when he returned.

The medley itself was 10 minutes long and by the time they were done everyone was tired, but Shelby was just getting started. She had them run through the set over and over again making critiques and adjustments each time, forcing each and every one of them to step their game up until she was happy with their performance. She knew she was pushing them harder than usual, but she was proud to see them rise to the challenge. She had been up until 5 this morning going over video tapes of their practices and looking for flaws in the routine. While she would like to attribute those extra hours to her dedication as a coach, the truth is she had been too nervous to sleep.

There were so many things that could potentially go wrong with Jesse's plan. There was a good chance that Rachel simply wouldn't choose to transfer to Carmel. There was the chance that her fathers would intervene before she could figure out the truth. And most frighteningly of all, there was the chance that once Rachel found out whom her mother was (a failed Broadway wannabe) she wouldn't want anything to do with her. With those thoughts running through her mind Shelby was unable to sleep, so she poured all her excess energy into Vocal Adrenaline and did her best not to imagine how amazing Rachel would look up on her stage.

Snapping out of her reverie and glancing down at the clock on her desk she was surprised to see that it is past 6 p.m. She watched the team finish up the number one last time and then let them all go home. A few of them just collapsed dramatically to the floor, but within 15 minutes the Auditorium was entirely empty. Shelby packed up her things slowly, in no rush to return to her empty home. She remembered a time when the thought of an empty house didn't bother her so much. A time when her career, her dream of being a star, was more important to her than finding a husband or having a kid. But her career had failed. She could admit that to herself now without regret. When she first moved back to Lima it hadn't been so easy.

The first months back had been the hardest. Readjusting to the slow pace of a small town after having spent nearly 10 years in New York, facing people she was sure she would never have to see again after she left, and feeling like she had the word FAILURE printed across her forehead with each encounter of an old high school friend. They all had families and jobs and mortgages. She had always figured that the sacrifice of a husband and family would be the cost of a successful career and she had been okay with that, but now that she knew her big break wasn't coming she began to second guess that decision as well.

Driving to the Berry's house at 5 A.M. three weeks after her return to Lima had definitely been one of her weaker moments. She told herself it was just idle curiosity, but she ended up waiting in her car for nearly 3 hours just to catch a glimpse of the little girl she had given away. Somehow in Shelby's mind the child had remained a small toddler despite the passing years, so it had been rather shocking to see a 12-year-old girl with her eyes, her nose, and her chin, come skipping out of the house with one of her dads right behind her.

Somehow in all these years Shelby had never imagined that her daughter would bear such a resemblance to her.

Her car remained parked across the street from the house long after the Berry's had driven away, presumably on their way to take their little girl to school. Up until that morning the idea of her daughter had only been a fleeting thought that passed through her mind after particularly hard days and harsh rejections when she was at her lowest and allowed herself to indulge in the idea of what could have been. After that day the thought, and the image of that little girl, was never far from her mind.

She tried dating for a while, but unlike the casual relationships she had taken solace in back in New York she was looking for someone she could start a family with now. There were a few good candidates, men who showed some real potential, but for one reason or another none of them ever worked out, and as her longing for a family grew stronger Shelby began to feel her clock ticking. So nearly 12 years after having been a surrogate she found herself back in the clinic, this time looking for a male donor.

She had thought that giving up on her career was been the hardest thing she would ever have to accept, but it didn't even begin to compare to the heartache that overcame her when she discovered that she was sterile. When she realized that the only child she would ever have was the one she had given away, and she was legally prohibited from ever seeing. It broke her heart.

It was probably the reason she applied for a job at a high school, despite having no teaching experience at all. She got the job anyway, thanks to her degree in Theater Arts with a minor in Musical Theory, and although it was not part of her contract or job description as a music teacher, she also inherited the job as director of Vocal Adrenaline from her predecessor, and it quickly became the main focus of her life.

Getting rid of all the current members of the club had not gone over very well with the PTA, but it was ultimately her choice, and she decided that the only way to erase the stench of scandal from the club was to rebuild it from the ground up. Recruiting an entirely new team also carried the added bonus of knowing that they were all completely loyal to her. She plucked each and every one of them from obscurity and, despite the clashes of personality and temperament, she managed to regain the title of Ohio's best Glee club.

They were the team to beat, and they did not take their position at the top lightly. Shelby did her best to keep them from getting too cocky, well aware that the moment they stopped looking over their shoulders would be the moment some other team would come up and steal their crown. That is why every year she and her team would attend sectionals to evaluate the competition and see what they would be up against.

The prospects this last year had been rather dismal.

Sitting near the back of the theater, Shelby and her students had watched the competition unfold before them with all the reverence of an atheist in church on Sunday. They all knew they were in for a laugh when one of the teams attempted to sing '_And I am telling you'_.

"No!" Shelby heard Kendra exclaim at full volume when the same team returned to the stage, in _wheel chairs_ for some inexplicable reason, and started to sing _'Proud Mary', _

_"_Just…No!" A few heads nearby turned to look at them as her team bursts into laughter, but they were quickly drowned out by the overbearing tones of the girls on stage.

Somehow the competition managed to go downhill after that and the best Shelby could do was keep them from getting too loud as they pick apart the sad performances on stage.

"Oh! Did we accidentally come to the Special Olympics version of sectionals?" Eric asked as the deaf glee club made its way on stage.

"Shut up, McClendon," Oliver told him sharply.

"What? We're not allowed to make fun of them cause their handi-capable?" Eric asked mockingly, "Whatever happened to treating all people equally?"

"They did sign up for a singing competition," Derek Ford agreed.

"There's something about making fun of the handicap that leaves a bad taste in my mouth though," Jesse said from the seat directly on Shelby's right. A man in front of them turned around with tears in his eyes shushed them all.

"Whatever," Julia said in a bored voice, "If I have to listen to one more second of this I am going to kill myself. I'm going to go get a snack." She stood up and more than half the team followed suit.

Upfront Shelby heard a bossy girl demand that the rest of her team meet up in the green room in 5 minutes before storming out. She didn't see the girls face but beside her Jesse craned his head to watch her walk away. "I guess the real drama is happening backstage," he said appreciatively, but Shelby hardly noticed. She was too busy revising Vocal Adrenalines own set list in her mind with absolutely no doubt that they could crush any of the teams in this competition.

And as the so called 'competition' dragged on, her team's commentary became progressively harsher with each performance, until finally it was announced that the last team was up. When the music to '_Don't rain on my parade' _started up Shelby had already endured just about as much as she could take. She didn't know if she had the patience required to watch a 16-year-old amateur desecrate yet another Broadway classic, but then a spot light came on and curiously pointed to the back of the auditorium instead of the stage. She stayed glued to her seat as the curtains in front of the door were ripped open to reveal a girl with actual singing talent. It was shocking to hear at first and for a moment Shelby wondered if it wasn't just a fluke brought on by prolonged exposure to aural torture. This girl couldn't really be that good, could she? But she was. She was better than any other performer that they had seen all night, and while that wasn't saying much, the girl was still had an impressive voice. Her excellent stage presence was enough to make up for the missing depth in the performance.

In her mind Shelby had already marked the girl off as a potential new recruit for Vocal Adrenaline. It wasn't until the girl spun around and made her way slightly back up the aisle that Shelby caught a glimpse of her face and gasped. Her eyes went wide and it felt like someone had sucked all of the oxygen out of the room. Beside her she felt Jesse shift to look at her and she was vaguely aware of the fact that her team had gone completely quiet for the first time all night, but her mind was absolutely focused on the girl in front of her. She was up on stage now, singing her heart out and calling her band up. Shelby could not take her eyes off of her as she belted out the final note and brought the entire auditorium to their feet. It was only at some point during their rendition of '_you can't always get what you want'_ that she was finally able to tear her eyes away from the stage, and only to look down at the program she had unintentionally begun gripping in her hands. She heard her teams hushed whispers as they dissected the girl's performance but she was too busy flipping through her program to care. Finally she found the words **New Directions** and immediately below them the name, "Rachel Berry." She whispered it quietly to herself.

For a moment she closed her eyes and realized how fast she was breathing. Using her years of vocal training she quickly regulated her breathing and then opened her eyes again. Up on stage her daughter's team was bouncing around and having fun and for the first time she noticed Jesse had probably been trying to catch her attention for a few minutes now. Straightening her face into a practiced mask of indifference she turned to look at him.

"What?" she asked with annoyance, trying to make it appear as though she had just been ignoring him.

He had planned to ask 'Are you alright?' but hurriedly changed it to "What did you think?" He knew that Shelby would hold no punches and waited to hear her take on it.

He had actually begun to stand up the moment the music for '_Don't rain on my parade' _had come on but the voice that accompanied it had knocked him right back into his seat. Her entrance forced the entire audience to turn around in order to see her, and he knew immediately that this girl had the showmanship of a true performer. As she strutted up and down the aisles, flirting with her audience, he was utterly enraptured. She was Vocal Adrenaline material; there was no doubt about it in his mind, but Shelby's odd reaction to her threw him for a loop. As far as he was concerned there was absolutely no reason why that girl shouldn't be sitting right here beside him come this time next year, but Shelby's reaction seemed odd.

"It was good," she said lightly with a noncommittal shrug, and Jesse thought that was a gross understatement. Looking back up at the stage he noticed a strange familiarity that he couldn't quite put his finger on and it only made him more determined to meet her. His estimation of New Directions as a team went down the moment the leading male vocal had opened his mouth but that only served to further his confusion."Why didn't we recruit her?" he wondered out loud.

Shelby didn't respond, instead standing up and walking to the end of the aisle "Come on guys, we're done here," she told her team as she walked towards the exit. They all had to scramble to follow her.

"After all that we aren't going to stay to see who wins?" One of the boys asked behind her.

"We already know who won." Shelby said over her shoulder without looking back. She wasn't sure how she got home that night with her mind on complete autopilot, but somehow she managed without any accidents. Rachel's performance kept playing on repeat in her mind and she didn't know how to feel. There was pride, she was definitely proud, but there was also a deep sense of sadness and wonder and grief and amazement all mixed up together. She spent the next five hours cleaning and reorganizing her house while going through her entire Broadway repertoire in hopes of tiring herself enough to sleep. It didn't work, and instead of sleeping she did something she swore she would never do; she went on her daughter's Myspace page and looked at every video and picture she had ever posted. The viciousness of the comments from her classmates only spurned Shelby on further, causing her to register an account under an assumed name just to leave a few words of encouragement for the girl.

After she found out that she wouldn't be able to have any more children Shelby had sat in her car outside the Berry's house every day for weeks just to catch a glimpse of her daughter and fight with her conscience over whether she should violate the contract and go introduce herself. It had taken weeks to admit, but from what she could tell her daughter seemed perfectly content without a mother figure in her life, and no matter how much she wanted to be a part of her life she refused to force herself into their happy home. She resigned herself to the idea that she would have to wait until her daughter was old enough to make that decision for herself, and swore that she would have no contact with her again until she came looking. Now it seemed that resolution was out the window, and she felt incredibly guilty about it. Not guilty enough to delete her comments though.

After seeing Rachel at sectionals it felt like a gaping hole in her chest that had previously been held closed by tenuous threads and her own will power had suddenly been ripped open to expose emptiness inside that Shelby had almost forgotten she possessed. For the next two weeks she was driven to distraction by thoughts of Rachel, to the point where even her students began to notice. So when Jesse St. James approached her after one of Vocal Adrenalines practice sessions she expected it to be about her teaching habits of late or an inquiry about her health.

"I have a date with Rachel Berry on Friday night," He told her excitedly, and she felt her stomach drop.

"You what?" She asked stupidly, trying to figure out how he could have possibly found out that Rachel was her daughter. The only people who know are her fathers and –

"You know, the girl from sectionals?" he said, trying to jog her memory. How anyone could possibly forget Rachel Berry was a mystery to him, but then again, Shelby had been distracted lately.

Shelby almost breathed a sigh of relief until the rest of his words registered in her mind, "You have a date with Rachel Berry?" she asked in surprise.

"Yeah, I ran into her at the music library and – "

"You can't date Rachel Berry," she told him firmly, and looked around to gather her things, trying to give the impression that this conversation was done.

"What? Why not?" He asked bewildered.

"She's a member of a rival team; it's a conflict of interest." She gave the first answer that comes to mind and was glad when it sounded so plausible.

"New Directions is hardly a rival team," Jesse said disparagingly, "Rachel is talented." Shelby couldn't disagree, "She deserves to have her talents showcased on a real stage with a real team. I want to recruit her to Vocal Adrenaline." He said beseechingly.

"No." she replied stubbornly. He was saying everything she'd been thinking since she saw Rachel at Sectionals but she refused to give in.

'Why not?" The exasperation is clear in his voice.

"Because it's a conflict of interest!" Shelby told him unwaveringly.

"Gloria has been dating that guy from Rancho for two years now," Jesse pointed out, "Christian has dated at least three or four girls from other teams _this year_! Why don't you want me to date Rachel?"

"Because I said so!" Shelby exclaimed in frustration, sitting down in the chair behind her desk and shooting him a glare.

"Shelby WHY? What's going on?" he asked imploringly, begging her to explain this to him.

Shelby looked down at her hands and gave a soft sigh, "Rachel is my daughter." The words came tumbling out of her mouth like a weight she could no longer hold, and for a moment it made her feel better to have finally gotten it off her chest, until she looked back up into his face and realized exactly who she had just said it to.

"What?" Jesse asks, stunned, "She's…you're…how…what?" The words come out incoherently as he tried to process what she just said. Once his brain started making the connection it was so incredibly obvious. Anyone with eyes could see the similarities between them, but he had dismissed the comparisons because as far as he knew Shelby didn't have any kids, and she didn't mention anything when they saw her at sectionals. His mind was reeling.

"Jesse, sit down," he looked as though his legs might give out any minute, and he fell into the chair in front of her desk hard. "You can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you," she told him and waited until he nodded before continuing. She told him how she had been a surrogate so many years earlier, and part of her brain told her how pathetic it was that the only person she has to talk about this with was a teenage boy, but once she started she couldn't stop herself until it all came pouring out. How she had given Rachel up and Rachel's fathers had her sign a contract saying she wouldn't try to contact her until she was 18 or until Rachel came looking for her, and how obsessed she had been since she saw her daughter perform at sectionals.

When she was done she waited to see his reaction to her revelation.

"That's bullshit." Jesse decided after a few seconds of quiet contemplation and for a moment Shelby thought that he believed she was lying. "She's your daughter! They can't stop you from seeing your daughter!" he said with indignation.

Shelby let out a small burst of laughter, "Yes, they can," she told him matter-of-factly.

"There's no kid that doesn't want to know who their mother is," he said with certainty.

"She's their daughter, they just want what's best for her," she tiredly repeated the same line she'd been telling herself all these years.

"How is not knowing her mother 'what's best for her'?" he asked disbelieving, "Does she even get a choice in this?" Jesse knew that he was pushing a bit hard, but he knew that if his mother were alive he would do anything to see her again. He had only officially met Rachel once now, but he was convinced that given the choice she would feel the same way.

"There is nothing I can do about it," Shelby said in defeat, having already gone over every one of these arguments in her head at one point or another.

"You're right," Jesse said quietly, his mind already spinning with ideas, "but there is something I can do about it."

"Jesse –" she started warningly, but he cut her off.

"Just hear me out," he said eagerly, not giving her the chance to respond, "You said that you're not allowed to go seeking her out until she turns 18, but if she goes looking for you it isn't against the contract right?" Shelby nodded cautiously, "Well, what if I can convince her to come looking for you? I mean, it wouldn't be breaking any rules, and you wouldn't be pushing it on her either."

"Jesse that's...sweet of you - I think -…but it's a bad idea." She stood up, this time really packing up her things to go.

"It isn't for you!" he told her, and it was partly true, "It's for Rachel. She deserves to at least have the choice of knowing who her mom is, and if she doesn't want to meet you then fine, but if she does, how could you or her fathers' deny her that?" He asked persuasively. Shelby couldn't think of an answer that wouldn't sound like a lie to her own ears.

She stared at her desk as she considered his words, "You want to befriend her?" Shelby asked guardedly.

That wasn't the word he would use, but he agreed anyway. "Yeah. Look, I'll just talk to her - see how things go. If she wants to get to know her mother then I can help set her on the right track, and if she doesn't then nobody loses anything," he told her reasonably.

In her desperation she actually found herself considering this plan. As much as she wanted to get to know Rachel she had never seriously entertained the idea that Rachel might want to know her just as badly, marking it off as wishful thinking. But what if she did? What if Rachel's life contained the same gaping hole as Shelby's? It was that thought that made her agree to allow Jesse to see Rachel. She couldn't stand the idea that her daughter might be feeling the same painful longing that she did. Somehow in Jesse's mind 'befriend her' meant 'date her' but Shelby allowed it to happen anyway.

It was her idea to send Jesse to McKinley and he had agreed to go.

Before she realized it she was actively trying to catch her daughter's attention, the same way Rachel had caught hers.

Shelby looked around the auditorium one more time before turning out the lights and walking out the door. Now that Jesse had returned to Vocal Adrenaline the choice was entirely up to Rachel, and she was glad that her daughter would have the chance to make her decision without any outside influence. This way whatever Rachel chose to do it would be of her own volition. She just had to hope that Rachel would make the right choice.

* * *

If you've read this far please review.


	4. Rachel's Turn Part 1

**A/N**: This chapter took on a life of it's own. I hadn't intended to end it the way I did, but I hope you all enjoy. Your reviews are what keep me writing, I love hearing what each of you thinks and reading any suggestions that you have.

**Rachel's Turn**

part 1

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre the falcon cannot hear the falconer…" Mrs. Raynes recited at the front of the classroom as Rachel did her best to pay attention. English was one of the few classes that she was actually good at, thanks to her verbose nature and excellent diction, but her thoughts had once again drifted away from the classroom. One week. It felt like longer. It felt like years had passed since their little confrontation in his bedroom, but no, it had only been a week. She still found herself occasionally glancing over at his desk to share some esoteric observation that only the two of them would've understood. It hurt every time she forgot that he wasn't there, but luckily that didn't happen often. Her fellow Glee members along with the rest of the school seemed content to remind her that he was gone at every possible opportunity.

At least half of the team (Mercedes, Santana, Artie, Tina, and Kurt) was pissed at her for 'being tricked' and putting the clubs chance at regional's at risk. They told her that they had all known from the beginning that he was up to no good, but she had been too desperate to see through his lies. He had used her to get to the club and if they lost at regionals it would be her fault for putting her relationship with that traitor ahead of her commitment to the team. If that was the only reason they lost she would be pleasantly surprised, but she kept that thought to herself. The other half of the club (Quinn, Puck, Brittany, Finn, and Mike) seemed to feel pity for her more than any real anger. At one point Puck had even offered to make out with her, guaranteeing that it would help her feel better. She had laughed, and that alone seemed to be what he was aiming for. She knew that lately he had been trying to prove himself to Quinn, so she doubted that the offer was genuine. On the other hand, Finn remained entirely serious and persistent in his courting of her. He made sure to remind her every time he saw her that he was _patiently _waiting for her to be ready to take him back.

She sighed and turned her eyes away from the window she had been blankly staring out of to look over at him. He was currently sitting in the desk beside her, attempting to answer a question she hadn't even heard the teacher ask. "Um…it's about…the second coming?" he asked dumbly. Mrs. Raynes looked decidedly unimpressed.

"Ms. Berry, can you help Mr. Hudson?"

Without knowing the question she called up her knowledge of the Yates poem from memory and then blindly took a stab at it. "Well, the poem is about the birth of the anti-Christ to the earth, 'A shape with lion body and the head of a man,' 'slouching towards Bethlehem'. It's from the book of revelations." Rachel was proud of herself for getting that right, despite having almost to no experience with Christianity.

Satisfied that she was paying attention Ms. Raynes nodded her head and moved on to other students. Rachel considered herself lucky when she made it through the rest of the lesson without being called on again. This had easily been one of the most trying weeks of her life, and today had offered no reprieve.

It started off with Jacob leering at her, in that creepy, obnoxious way of his, the moment she walked through the double doors. Then Finn had met her at her locker in order to reiterate the fact that he was still waiting for her until she was ready to take him back, which was becoming more annoying than endearing. Apparently he hadn't thought it would take so long for her to come back to him once Jesse was out of the way. After he left Ms. Pillsbury approached her. Apparently Mr. Schue had asked that the guidance counselor speak to her about 'the Jesse situation', which had annoyed Rachel to no end. She understood the woman was just doing her job, but she didn't want or need to be taken aside for 'girl talk' and she was certain that she wouldn't be getting this sort of attention if Ms. Pillsbury and Mr. Schue didn't have a thing for each other. The only benefit to come from Ms. Pillsbury's intrusion was that it stopped the jocks from covering her in slushie that morning, although she knew they would get her at some point.

When the attack finally came she was walking from Mrs. Raynes class to the cafeteria for lunch. She had been keeping a vigilant eye out, sticking close to the lockers and trying to create as little of a target as possible, but they hit her from every angle. Three big-gulps of slushie were poured over her head in an icy mess. She remained still for a moment, wiping corn syrup out of her eyes and waiting for her vision to clear. She took a deep breath. While a bit harsher than usual, she had been expecting this. She could deal with this. Turning around without a word she marched silently back through the halls, ignoring the finger pointing and laughter that followed her with a steady grace that had taken her years to perfect. When she arrived at her locker that practiced indifference came crashing down around her as panic replaced it.

She found the door to it slightly ajar.

Searching her memory, she recalled going through the process of opening her locker in order to distract her from Finn, and she remembered Ms. Pillsbury approaching her and asking that she come to the guidance office. What she couldn't remember was whether or not she had fully closed her locker when she walked away. So with dread building in the pit of her stomach she opened the cracked door wide.

All of her books were gone and every single surface was covered with insults written in permanent black marker. The picture of her fathers that she kept on the door had been defaced with pornographic images and gay slurs, while the picture of her and Jesse had been torn to shreds. She also found the remains of a stink bomb which left a smell she was sure would linger for days. Unsurprisingly, her spare clothes were nowhere to be found, so she was left standing there with ice dripping down her face and tears in her eyes. Behind her she heard the raucous laughter of, what must have been at least half of the football team, and knew that a crowd must be gathering. She couldn't move though. Her feet were rooted to the spot and her voice seemed to have abandoned her. All she could do was stare in shock.

Eventually she heard someone pushing through the crowd behind and she looked around when she felt a hand lightly touch her sticky shoulder, expecting to see a teacher. It was a testament to how far their tentative friendship had advanced over the last few days when she was only slightly surprised to see Quinn standing next her. She still couldn't find her voice, but the look on her ice covered face must have said it all, because the next thing she knew Quinn was steering her through the slowly dispersing crowd into the nearest bathroom.

The pregnant girl must've called her name a few times, but when she made no response Quinn took it upon herself to bring her over to the sinks. Looking up into the mirror Rachel found her own appearance startling. Although she hadn't realized she was crying there were tear tracks slicing their way through the purple dye that coated her face and melting ice dripping from her hair. Before she could analyze her own face further Quinn gently turned Rachel's head to face her and brushed a damp paper towel across the girl's cheeks, systematically working her way across her face. Softly but efficiently she cleaned away all of the sticky substance.

Rachel brought a hand up, stopping the other girl, who looked truly worried, and took over. "Rachel?" Quinn asked uncertainly, "Are you…?"

"I'll be fine." the response was automatic and her tone was mechanical. Quinn didn't look reassured. If anything she looked more concerned. "They took my clothes…" Rachel said as she finished cleaning off her exposed skin and realized that she had nothing to change into.

"Don't worry, I'll go and find you something to wear," Quinn told her in an exaggeratedly calm voice, as though she were talking to a small child who was about to break down any minute. Maybe she was. "I'll be right back," Quinn assured her. Rachel simply nodded her head and watched the other girl turn back to look at her twice before exiting through the bathroom door.

Once she was alone Rachel just stared at her mostly slushie free face with detachment. This wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to her - far from it. Slushie facials had been a regular occurrence since she first started high school. Her clothes (and anything else she left lying around) had been stolen on multiple occasions. Cruel jokes and nicknames were hurled at her everyday as a matter-of-course, and she had been hearing slurs against her fathers for as long as she could remember. She could handle any one of these things alone, but for some reason this time was different. Maybe it was because she wasn't used to dealing with it all at once, or maybe it was because she was already so close to breaking, but this time she just couldn't get herself to bounce back.

When Quinn returned to the bathroom it was with an arm full of clothes and a still weary look on her face. "I found some stuff for you to wear…" she surveyed Rachel with her eyes, taking in the girl's completely sodden appearance and made a decision. "Come on."

She walked over and took Rachel by the hand when she made no move to follow, and led the disturbingly compliant girl out of the bathroom. There was no way that a paper towel and a bathroom sink was going to get the job done this time, and Quinn was partially hoping that a full on shower would help Rachel to snap out of it. Apparently the bell for class had already rung, because the hallways were empty. She led her teammate into the thankfully empty girl's locker room. "Rachel? You should go take a shower, try to rinse yourself off."

"I can't," Rachel said, suddenly becoming aware of exactly where they were. She had stopped showering in the girl's locker room after the Cheerios had stolen all of her clothes and strung them up in the hallway for everyone to see. She had needed help from the janitor to retrieve her bra and panties from where they hung in the hallway. Needless to say, it had been a humiliating experience and she had avoided the girl's locker room ever since. It was a sort of unofficial Cheerios hangout and she was surprised that they hadn't run into any yet.

Quinn must've realized exactly what Rachel was thinking. "They're all in class. Don't worry. I'll stay here until you're done to make sure no one bothers you."

"You should be in class too then. Quinn, I know you're smart, but there's no way you're going to be able to maintain your GPA if you skip classes in order …" Rachel began to rant and Quinn felt relief take the place of her usual annoyance.

"Rachel it's fine," Quinn told her with exasperation. She found it hard to believe that Berry could be concerned about _her_ right now. "If you don't get out of those wet clothes you're going to get sick. Imagine what that'll do to your voice." This got her full attention and after a moment Rachel nodded in agreement.

She took the new clothes from the ex-cheerleader's arms and went into the nearest shower stall. She had now been in her wet clothes so long she felt coldness seeping into her core, or at least she hoped that the cold feeling was coming from the wet clothes. As the warm spray of water hit her she made a mental note to thank Quinn for suggesting this, and then began to wash the purple dye out of her hair. She stayed in the shower for an extra ten minutes after the last of the dye had spiraled down the drain, doing her best to prepare herself to face the rest of the day.

When she finally walked out of the bathroom she was wearing short red gym shorts, a white tank top, and a black leather jacket. With her hair pulled back she looked like she was about to go for a run…or join a biker gang.

"The jacket is Puck's, and I got the tank top from Brittany," Quinn answered her unasked questions. "The shorts were the only thing I could find on such short notice." Her voice still sounded cautious as she waited to see how Rachel would respond.

"Thank you, Quinn," she said sincerely. "I don't know what I would've done…" her voice trailed off.

"No problem," Quinn told her, suddenly feeling awkward. It was strange to be around a silent Rachel Berry, but her silence had been becoming more prevalent lately. The girl had been withdrawing into herself for the past few days now, and everyone had noticed it. For perhaps the first time in their lives Quinn longed for the old babbling Rachel. "Well, class is almost over now," She said feeling the need to fill the silence. "You should just cut out now and go home," she suggested.

Rachel seriously considered doing just that. It wasn't like anyone would really miss her, and she didn't think she could take any more blows today. Their final class would be over in twenty minutes and the only thing she had after that was Glee. One week ago the idea of missing a meeting would have seemed appalling to her, but now it seemed like it might be a relief. She slowly pushed that thought away though, knowing that it wouldn't lead anywhere good.

"No." There is tiredness to her voice that wasn't there before. "I have to go to the Glee meeting."

For a moment Quinn looked like she was going to argue, but finally she just nodded her head.

Together they walked to the empty choir room and waited for the bell to ring. Slowly the other students began to trickle in and take their seats.

"Uh…what're you wearing?" Finn asked when he saw her pieced together outfit.

"Looks like a definite improvement to me," Kurt smirked.

"I got slushied and somebody stole my spare clothes," Rachel explained in an unnaturally quiet voice. "By the way, thank you for the jacket, Noah," she said to Puck as he walked past.

"Sure, whatever." Puck shrugged as he took his seat next to Quinn. "Just try not to get any slushie on it –" Quinn elbowed him in the gut and sent him a silent glare. "What?" he demanded.

Rachel simply nodded her head, "I promise I will return it to you in pristine condition," she said in the same quiet voice. She made a similar promise to Brittany when she and Santana walked into the room, but remained quiet otherwise. This reserved attitude was not entirely new, and most of the members of the club had noted it with worry. She was still their best singer of course, but there was a distracted air to her now. She didn't offer ideas or criticism as readily. Her attention tended to wander during discussions and other student's performances, leaving her silent and unfocused. This did her no favors with her teammates though, who saw her new preoccupied melancholy attitude detrimental to the club. Despite their treatment of her, everyone knew that she was supposed to be a driving force of the team and that meant moping around because of Jesse was not acceptable.

Rachel barely noticed the uneasy tension that fell around her or the hushed argument taking place in corner between Finn, Mercedes, Kurt and Tina until they finally broke apart and turned towards her, marching up to where she sat, some more confidently than others.

"Rachel, we need to talk," Finn started off softly, apparently the designated speaker for the group. "Lately we've all noticed that you've been distracted…" he trailed off allowing her a space to jump in.

"I've had a lot on my mind lately," she told him shortly, snapping back to her precise tones.

"We know you've been dealing with a lot, with Jesse leaving and everything," he said the name 'Jesse' like it is a bad word, "but we can't let him mess with us any more than he already has." Finn intended it to come off as gentle.

"You need to snap out of it and start pulling your weight," Mercedes said frankly, incase Finn's version didn't quite get through.

Rachel stared at her incredulously, "She doesn't mean that you aren't pulling your weight," Finn quickly jumped in, trying to soften the divas words, "just that –"

"No, she meant you're not pulling your weight," Kurt clarified definitively.

"My performances in this club have been flawless!" Rachel pointed out angrily.

"P-P-Please," Tina said dismissively.

"Guys, maybe now isn't the best time to have this conversation, Rachel has been through a lot today – " Quinn tried to interject, but the others just scoffed.

"What because she got slushied?" Santana asked, "How is that different from any other day?"

"Just the other week you were criticizing us for not meeting your standards. Now you aren't meeting ours," Kurt told her.

"You mean you're angry because I've stopped doing all of the work for you," Rachel shot back, feeling a slight pressure forming between her eyes. No doubt the first sign of an oncoming headache. "I come to every meeting, I sing all of my songs perfectly, and I've memorized all of the choreography. What more do you want from me?" she demands.

"You're s-s-supposed to be our leader," Tina reminded her of the title that she had once insisted was hers.

"You've hardly made any suggestions all week," Finn pointed out with dissatisfaction, "You let other people pick the songs for the set list, it's like you don't care what's going on with the club anymore."

"I make plenty of suggestions! You all ignore most of them." She did not feel like dealing with this right now. "You only want me to be the 'leader' when you agree with what I have to say."

"So?" Santana asked flippantly.

"So maybe I don't feel like carrying this team anymore!" she snapped, feeling a throbbing in her head begin. She couldn't take this. Where was Mr. Schue?

"_Carrying _us?" Mercedes asked disbelievingly.

"Clearly she's lost whatever fragile grip on reality she once had," Kurt said scornfully, rolling his eyes.

"Listen, Whatever your problem is - deal with it," Mercedes ordered, unforgiving. "Like we told you when you first started dating that loser, everyone is replaceable," She threatened coldly with a superior attitude.

"Mercedes is right," Kurt agreed unsurprisingly, stepping forward to stand by his fellow cheerio, "We can't keep codling her."

"You were codling me?" Rachel questioned.

Kurt continued as though she hadn't interrupted, "If you can't pull it together then you can leave."

"Hey, everybody just chill out for a minute," Puck suggested, feeling odd about being the voice of reason for once.

"No, you know what, I'm tired of this," Rachel declared, standing up and looking her teammates directly in the eye, "If you think you can do this without me go ahead and replace me!" She shot an angry look around the room at all the others, and then stormed towards the door.

"Rachel, wait –"

"Oh great, another storm-"

"Now what are we –"

"Just let her go – "

"Mercedes that was – "

Rachel heard the hubbub behind her, but she didn't turn around or look back. School had only been out for about ten minutes, but the hallways were almost completely deserted. The moment she stepped out into the hall she noticed Mr. Schue slowly making his way towards the choir room with Artie trailing along beside him. The boy seemed to be coming up with excuses to slow the teacher down, and Rachel immediately realized that this must have been part of the plan. Send Artie to delay Mr. Schue and keep him from butting in on their little intervention. Rachel marched down the hallway towards them, but Mr. Schue caught sight of her before she could open her mouth to say a word.

"Rachel, whatever it is, I'm sure it wasn't that bad." He says preemptively. "You can't just keep storming out of practice." His words and frustrated tone stop her short. He hadn't even given her a chance to tell him what had happened before he started taking their side.

She shook her head quietly and gives him a hard stare. "I quit," She told him decisively.

He did a double take that would have been comedic had Rachel not been so angry.

"What?" he asked incredulously, but Rachel had already walked past him on her way out to her car. "Rachel, wait!" he called after her, but she didn't stop. Her heart was racing as she walked out of the building and into the parking lot. She barely noticed the footsteps racing behind her.

"Rachel, will you just wait a minute?" Mr. Schue asked and she felt a hand come down on her shoulder, stopping her in place. "Come back inside so we can talk about this," he asked her imploringly.

"No," She said, unwavering. "I am done being this clubs perpetual punching bag. I've poured copious amounts of time and energy into trying to make this team the best, and what do I get for it? Ridiculed. Insulted. Dismissed." The hurt that she hid so well back in the choir room was starting to seep into her voice now, but she carried on. "If they think they can replace me or peer pressure me, then let them try. We all know how that's going to end up, but when they come begging for me to come back, tell them I'm done. Let's see how New Direction does without Rachel Berry to kick around." She pulled her shoulder out of his grip and turned on her heels, stalking over to her car and starting the engine before Mr. Schue has regained his wits. He was left standing there with his mouth hanging open and bewilderment building inside of him.

Back inside the students still in the choir room were in an uproar, tossing blame and accusations around the room. "So I take it that didn't go as planned," Artie said loudly, drawing attention to his arrival and interrupting the argument at hand.

"It was going fine until Mercedes and Kurt decided to kick her out of the club," Finn told him, still glaring at the two cheerios.

"No, it wasn't. At no point did that conversation not suck," Puck contradicted.

"Whose dumbass idea was this anyway?" Quinn asked as she stared between Kurt, Mercedes, and Finn. "And why didn't anyone mention it before hand?" This time she turned her glare on Santana and Brittney. She hated being kept out of the loop, especially since this was currently the only loop she had.

"We've all noticed how distracted she's been since Jesse left. Somebody had to talk to her," Artie supplied.

"Does someone want to tell me exactly what just happened?" Mr. Schue demanded as he came into the choir room looking perplexed and annoyed. The last thing he wanted to deal with was another Rachel Berry meltdown, but something in the girl's voice when she had given her little speech outside gave him pause. Now the rest of the team wasn't looking him in the eye and it only aggravated him more.

"Apparently some people thought it would be a good idea to give Rachel an ultimatum, so they threatened to kick her off the team. I don't think it went as planned," Quinn said acrimoniously, feeling irrationally angry on the other girl's behalf. Rachel had been through quite enough today without having to deal with this bullshit from the people who were supposed to be her teammates. Teammates were supposed to support each other through thick and thin, not turn their backs on one of their own just because she made one stupid mistake. It wasn't fair, and Rachel didn't deserve to be abandoned or forced out. She had been in charge and absolutely dedicated to the team for years - months - and they couldn't just push her out like this. Quinn wouldn't let them.

"We just wanted to talk to her," Finn clarified uncomfortably, not liking the bad light Quinn was painting them in. "We noticed how distracted she's been lately and we wanted to try to snap her out of it," he finished lightly and sent Mr. Schue an innocent shrug.

"So you kicked her off the team?" Schue asked uncomprehending. Of course Will had noticed Rachel's change in behavior just as much as his students had, which is why he had asked Emma to talk to her. He wasn't sure what else he could do to get the young singer back to overbearing, take charge ways. There was only so much a male teacher could do when dealing with a teenage girl with a broken heart. And if he was being honest he had to admit that he hasn't been completely comfortable sitting in a room alone with Rachel since she developed her crush on him. He was just a little bit relieved that her teammates had taken the initiative to confront her about her behavior.

"We hadn't intended to do that..." Finn scowled at Mercedes.

"That girl needed a wakeup call," Kurt said unabashedly. "There is no way we are going to take regionals with her still wallowing over our competition. When she comes back she'll be back to her old annoying self."

"Rachel seemed really upset guys - she told me she was quitting the club." This news seemed have little effect on the club. "You couldn't have been a bit more sensitive?" Will questioned them, but his voice had lost its edge. He knew that Finn would never try to hurt Rachel, and there was a good chance the girl was simply overreacting, but Finn had been known to make some dumb choices.

"Yeah, because Rachel is oh so s-sensitive," Tina said sarcastically.

"She'll be back," Mercedes scoffed, unconcerned.

"I don't think she will," Quinn said quietly. She thought about everything that had happened to Rachel today and every other day before this day, and knew that she wouldn't blame the young diva if she never wanted to set foot in this choir room again. Since the news of her pregnancy got out she had gotten a small taste of what Rachel had been going through all these years, and she truly didn't know how the singer dealt with it. She couldn't understand why the girl wasn't bitterer. Hell, Quinn herself had been the cause of a significant portion of Rachel's torment over the years. She should have been pleased to see Quinn's plummet down the social ladder, but instead of kicking her while she was down Rachel had offered her a hand in friendship, and was willing to bury the hatchet between them. It was baffling. Quinn honestly did not understand how Rachel's mind worked, and looking around this room she knew that nobody else here did either.

"Of course she will. Rachel Berry needs glee club like a crack addict needs a pipe. She'll be shaking with withdrawals by Monday," Kurt assured them.

"I don't know. Trust me, there are only so many times you can kick a dog before it comes back and bites you in the ass," Puck told them knowingly. "Not literally!" he clarified when the others look at him in outrage. "God, a guy can't use a metaphor around here without being accused of animal cruelty," he grumbled quietly, regretting having even tried.

"I think it was a good metamorphosis. You should never kick dogs," Brittney assured Puck. Santana gently explained to her what a metaphor was.

"Listen, Rachel's just upset," Finn defended her, "This club is her life. She just needs time to calm down, and think about what we said. She'll be back to her old self in no time," he told them all confidently, slipping into the role of team leader without Rachel there to do it.

"Alright guys, whatever the case may be, it doesn't look like Rachel will be coming back today and we need to get started." Schue said, calling the meeting to order. They all sat down, ignoring Rachel's empty seat, "Ok, so who has their betrayal song ready?" A few hands shoot up, and New Directions began its practice without Rachel.

* * *

Both praise and criticism are appreciated.

I felt that Rachel being forced out of the club would really hit home for Quinn since she recently experienced something similar with the cheerios and her parents. I tried to stay as true to each of these characters personalities as I could, I don't dislike New Direction, because each of these characters has their redeeming qualities, but I can easily picture each of these characters acting this way under these circumstances.


	5. Rachel's Turn Part 2

**A/N:** I don't know why, but I am never quite sure of my footing with this story. Each chapter tends to take on a life of its own. Thank you all for the reviews last chapter. Every time I get a review it's like a new burst of energy for me. You definitely motivated me to finish this chapter quicker than I normally would have, and I hope you all enjoy it.

**Rachel's Turn**

Part 2

Rachel watched Mr. Schue get smaller in her rearview mirror until she turned a corner and he disappeared. Drawing her eyes away she fully focused her attention on the road, seeing the street names flicker past with no real idea of where she was heading. She had to blink her eyes rapidly in order to clear her suddenly blurry vision. Her heart was still pounding in her chest, and there was a horrible throbbing in her head that stopped her from turning on the radio. It only took her 5 minutes to reach her house, and she was relieved to see that neither of her fathers cars were in the driveway. Glancing down at the clock on her dashboard she realized that it was only half past two. Of course her dads weren't home this early. They both had very important jobs, which took up most of their time. Rachel understood that, and generally planned her own schedule accordingly. She didn't join half the clubs in school just to feed her narcissistic need to be photographed. Her parent's hectic schedules meant that she had the choice of coming home alone after school and being on her own for hours at a time, or she could participate in extracurricular activities. For her it was usually no choice at all.

Today was different. Today she couldn't stand the thought of staying at McKinley for another few hours until one of her parents got home. Sighing, Rachel shut off her car and walked into her house, locking the front door behind her. The vacant entrance hall greeted her and she felt a stinging behind her eyes and warmth in her face. This was the reason she was glad that no one was home. As great as her dads are, she could never really cry in front of them. Whenever they saw her cry they would try to 'fix it', a fact that she had manipulated on many occasions as a child, but had become less convenient as she got older. They would try so hard to make her feel better (usually in vain) that she would feel guilty about worrying them and end up putting on a fake smile to make them feel better. The empty solitude of the house allowed her to drop all pretenses and let the emotions of the day finally take hold of her. Despite knowing that there was nobody else around, Rachel quickly made her way up to her bedroom and closed the door. Hearing the light click of the latch, she allowed the sadness to fully wash over her. At moments like this, when she was at her most vulnerable, thoughts of her mother came to her unbidden and Rachel couldn't help longing for the type of comfort her fathers had not been able to provide. It would never happen of course, but she couldn't help herself wishing for it at times. Shrugging out of Puck's jacket she crawled into bed, pulled the covers over her head, and sobbed. It was a cathartic release of all the emotions she had kept pent up. The tears only made the headache worse, but once she started she couldn't stop herself.

She could hear her phone chirping with the ringtone she set for text messages, but she didn't get out of bed to check it. It was either the glee club or it was one of her dads, and if it were an emergency her dads would call instead of texting. She sighed and rolled over, pressing her face into her pillow in the vain hope of stemming the flow of tears. She didn't know why she let herself get so angry. The team wasn't treating her any differently than before, with the exception of Quinn and maybe Puck (who was trying to impress Quinn). None of the sentiments expressed today were different from the ones she had heard many times before. Mercedes and Kurt were constantly challenging her ideas and her position as female vocal lead. She looked at it as preparation for what she would have to deal with once she made it in New York, and she enjoyed proving over and over that she was the better singer and seeing the begrudging respect in their eyes. She didn't understand why she couldn't just take their criticism like she had done so many times before, and shove it back in their smug faces.

She didn't know why it hurt so much that the rest of the club seemed to agree with them. It wasn't like she got on so well with her teammates before now. None of them had ever invited her to their houses or their parties, although she knew a few social gatherings had been thrown. She didn't speak to them about matters that didn't in some way involve the club. She couldn't sincerely consider any of them friends. But for some reason it still hurt.

She had always counted her voice as her most important asset, the thing that makes her special, but it felt horrible to know that they saw her the same way. She was just a tool to them, used to produce results and disposable when no longer useful. Realizing that truth made it all the more painful to know that eventually she would end up back in that choir room, right back where she started. As much as they needed her in order win, she needed the club more. She didn't really have anything else. Nothing that made her as happy as singing did, and Glee was the only club on campus that allowed her to utilize that talent. So she knew in her heart of hearts that she would eventually swallow her pride and return, but she made a promise to herself right then and there that she would wait until they came begging for her to come back.

She would not break first.

With that resolution stuck in her mind she closed her eyes and drifted off into a dreamless sleep for a little while. When she opened her eyes again it is only 5 o'clock. The pounding in her head had subsided a bit, so she hoisted herself out of her warm bed and grabbed an Advil. It would be another few hours, at least, until either one of her fathers got home and Rachel was feeling restless. She usually burnt off some of this nervous energy in school, but today she had skipped lunch, her last class, and Glee club. She rubbed a hand across her face and went downstairs to make herself a snack and some tea for her throat, sure that it would be sore tomorrow from the crying if she didn't.

While Rachel Berry was good at many things, cooking was not one of them. Usually she ordered out with her dads, or had some readymade tofu for dinner, but right now none of that sounded appealing. She ended up munching on fruit, with the oppressive silence of the house barring down around her.

Part of the reason she first started singing when she was a child was to banish this silence, and the disquieting thoughts that always seemed to come with it. Singing focused her mind, and made it easier to cope with the world. Silence made her restless, and even before she grabbed her keys and her cell phone, she knew that she would look back at this moment and blame the silence for her rash actions, but that didn't stop her from getting back in her car and driving off without a single glance behind her.

It wasn't until she arrived outside the Carmel High, with Patti LuPone blasting from her car speakers, that she began to doubt the wisdom in coming here. She knew that Jesse would be in there practicing. Vocal Adrenaline's coach was said to be a perfectionist, and had been known to keep students going over routines until midnight if they didn't meet her expectations. Worry stopped Rachel from actually getting out of her car though. The last time they spoke had been in his bedroom over a week ago, and they had left things pretty much unresolved. His reaction to her arrival at his home hadn't been as bad (or as good) as she had hoped, but this was not his house. She was sitting outside the Vocal Adrenaline auditorium, and she had no idea how he would react in front of his friends. Remembering the somewhat superior air he took on whenever one of her teammates from New Directions was near, she knew that he probably wouldn't let his gentle side show in public. There was every chance that he might dismiss her like her teammates did. She pushed that fear aside though. She had never been one to walk away from a situation just because her heart might get broken (again), and right now she couldn't stand the idea of returning home. She knew that either of her fathers would be happy to see her, but she didn't feel like sitting in her Daddy's office at the law firm, or hanging around the hospital with Papa. No, she would just have to take a chance, and if things went badly, well she had already told off one group of Glee kids today…

Rallying her courage, she silently slipped out of her car and through the double doors of the auditorium. Her eyes were instantly drawn to the fully lit stage and the flurry of light, movement, and sound going on down there. It was immediately obvious that Vocal Adrenaline was performing on a whole different level. The fluidity of their movements left her with no doubt that this was a team that had been together for years and practiced routines rigorously. Their harmonies flowed perfectly into their solos, which were distributed throughout the entire group, and created an excellent sound. She knew that she was witnessing the sort of team work that all glee clubs strive for and most never achieved. She knew with a certainty that she could work with New Directions for the next four years and still never be able to match this.

She silently made her way down the stairs like a moth drawn to a flame, her attention focused solely on the synchronicity of the performance on stage. She didn't know what she would say when she got there, or how she would explain her presence at a Vocal Adrenaline practice session, but in that moment it didn't matter to her. She didn't even notice the woman sitting at the desk midway to the stage until she walked past her and the woman called out to her.

"Excuse me, this is a closed rehearsal," the woman said wearily, as though it was something she repeated all the time. Rachel snapped out of her trance and whipped around, with a light blush already coloring her checks. Her embarrassment only increased tenfold when she realized that she was looking at the coach of Vocal Adrenaline herself.

"I'm sorry, I, um, I didn't realize…I mean, I didn't mean to sneak in, I was just…" Rachel felt heat radiating from her checks and was glad that this part of the theater was so dark. "Well, I only came to see my boyfriend – well, not boyfriend, I don't think. Friend? I'm really not sure what we are right now," She was babbling like an idiot at a mile a minute, and the Vocal Adrenaline coach was staring at her with the oddest look on her face. "It's sort of complicated…but I'm just here to see Jesse, um, Jesse St. James, " she clarified, as though the coach of Vocal Adrenaline wouldn't be familiar with one of her star singers, "I didn't mean to watch your performance, I mean, I'm not a spy or anything, I just got sort of caught up…your team is really good and – " Rachel happily clamped her mouth shut when the woman held up a hand to cut her off. For a moment she just stared down at Rachel silently.

"You're here to see Jesse?" Shelby's voice sounded somewhat breathless, but Rachel took no notice. She simply nodded her head vigorously as Shelby cleared her throat. Rachel suddenly had the unwavering attention of the best Glee coach in Ohio. It was incredibly intimidating. She had to clench her fists in order to stop herself from fidgeting as the Shelby Corcoran seemed to take in her appearance from head to toe.

Feeling self-conscious Rachel couldn't stop herself from glancing down at her own body, and to her horror she saw that she was still wearing the clothes Quinn had scrounged up for her after the slushie attack. When she got home she had been too upset to change, and when she left it hadn't even crossed her mind. Now she was standing here in red McKinley gym shorts and a white tank top that revealed a small bit of her midriff every time she moved her arms. "Someone stole my clothes." She blurted out before she could stop herself.

Shelby's eyes snapped up to hers, "What?" she asked in complete confusion and concern. She wasn't sure what had prompted it, but that little revelation came completely out of left field. "Someone stole your clothes?" Shelby repeated when Rachel didn't say anything, wondering if she had heard right. If it was possible, Rachel blushed harder.

"I don't normally walk around in gym clothes. I mean, this isn't what I usually wear to school, or anywhere really. I just…" once again Rachel was babbling, trying to make up for her earlier word vomit. Once again Shelby raised a hand and Rachel fell silent.

"Someone _stole _your _clothes_?" She asked again, feeling both confused and outraged.

"It really wasn't as bad as it sounds," Rachel lied, feeling like an idiot. This was not the first impression she wanted to make on Shelby Corcoran. "This was a bad idea. I should go," she decided, wishing that she had never left home, and angrily blaming it on the silence. "I'm sorry that I interrupted your practice," she apologized as she made her way back up the stairs, not giving Ms. Corcoran the chance to say anything else.

"Wait!" Shelby called after her. Rachel paused on the stairs and reluctantly turned around to face her. "You came to see Jesse, right?" she groped for the first excuse she could think of to keep Rachel from walking out with that miserable look on her face, "The team is due for a break soon anyway. You can wait here until the set is over," Shelby offered. She knew that it was only years of acting experience that stopped her anxiousness from slipping on to her face. Rachel didn't move, still looking unsure. "Have a seat." Shelby told her with forced nonchalance and turned back towards the stage, pretending that she didn't care if the girl went or stayed.

Rachel stood there for another moment, feeling indecisive. Right now she would love nothing more than to go home and crawl back in bed, but she didn't think that running away would improve Ms. Corcoran's opinion of her at all. Steeling herself, she took a deep breath and then stepped forward, opting to sit in the row below Ms. Corcoran and slightly to her left.

Shelby was relieved when she saw Rachel sit down in front of her, and did her best not to show it. She had not been expecting her daughter to show up at one of her practices, and her heart had nearly beaten out of her chest when she saw that it was actually Rachel standing there. Taking a deep breath she fixed her eyes on the stage and tried to focus on her team, but her gaze kept slipping sideways.

Someone had stolen her clothes? Shelby didn't know what to do with this situation. The look of complete self-conscious embarrassment she saw on Rachel's face made her want to go and hunt down the jerk that did this and kick his ass personally. The urge to protect the girl was startlingly intense, and Shelby wasn't sure what to do with it. Obviously she couldn't go beat up a sixteen-year-old kid, but she wishes that she could say something to make Rachel feel better. Her mind was drawing a blank though. Shelby Corcoran prided herself on having a sharp mind and a quick wit, but when faced with her upset teenage daughter she was coming up disappointingly short.

Feeling more than a little helpless she let out a frustrated sigh and turned her eyes back to the stage. At least her team was something she knew how to handle. "Alright, stop! Just stop!" the movement onstage came to a complete halt as everyone looked up at where she was sitting, "I wish there was a way to get across what I'm feeling right now, but it's pretty obvious from that that performance that none of you have ever felt a single emotion in your lives." Some people shuffled their feet, while others look around uncomfortably, but none of them said a word. "How about this, Santa isn't real! The Easter bunny doesn't exist! Micheal Jackson is dead. At this very moment all of your futures are being sold to china, and Pluto is no longer a planet," she tried to provoke some sort of emotional response. When they remained silent she stood up, "Take a 15 minute break. I don't care what it takes, when you come back in here I want to see some emotion." She ordered. Her students nodded and began disbursing. She hadn't planned on stopping practice for another 30 minutes, and usually she only allowed 10 minute breaks, but she was hoping that Jesse might be able to offer Rachel some comfort, since her own abilities were so sorely lacking.

Out of her periphery vision she saw Rachel stand, looking unsure of herself, and realized that the kids onstage probably couldn't see into the darkened audience seats. "Jesse, come up here," she said into her microphone, and the boy broke away from his friends onstage. As he came walking up the aisle he noticed Rachel. A look of surprise flashed across his face and his eyes flickered back and forth between mother and daughter until he finally shot Shelby a questioning glance. She shook her head slightly and his attention fell back on Rachel.

"Jesse, hi." She greeted him nervously.

"Rachel, what are you doing here?" he asked as he took in her appearance. Her face was flushed, she was wearing odd clothes, and once he was within arms distance of her he could see that her eyes were slightly puffy, as though she had been crying recently. "Is everything ok?" he added, shooting a quick look sideways at Shelby, who was feigning indifference to their conversation. She had an excellent poker face, but Jesse knew her well enough to know that she was listening to this conversation with rapt attention. This was probably the closest she had ever been to her daughter, Jesse realized.

"I just really needed somebody to talk to," Rachel admitted sadly. "Can you come outside with me for a minute?" she asked hesitantly. Jesse couldn't stop his eyes from flickering over to Shelby. She didn't look up or acknowledge their presence at all, but he got the feeling that she was disappointed. He looked back down at Rachel, who was staring up at him uncertainly, and nodded his head.

Quietly he led her out of the auditorium and over to a shaded bench. A few of his teammates were also milling around outside, enjoying a few minutes of fresh air, but he ignored them. "What happened?" he asked once they were both sitting comfortably.

He listened silently, allowing her to get everything she wanted to say off her chest without interrupting. He shifted closer to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders when she told him about how horrible her week had been, and Jesse had to fight down his anger when he heard about the slushie attack today and how humiliated she'd felt standing at her locker with those dumbass jocks laughing at her. The last thing that Rachel needed right now was him going to McKinley and picking a fight with guys on the football team. Instead he drew her closer to him, and felt gratified when she rested her head on his shoulder. Finally she got to the part about quitting New Directions after some misguided intervention from her teammates. Jesse almost couldn't stop a smile from gracing his face, but the feeling of happiness quickly left him when he realized that she didn't intend for the exit to be permanent.

"You plan to go back to them?" Jesse asked, trying to make sure he understood exactly what she was saying.

"Well…yeah," Rachel answered bashfully, "I know that they can be crass and insensitive at times, but I know that they didn't really mean it. They couldn't win without me and I owe it to them to – "

"No, you don't," Jesse told her adamantly. He knew that Rachel was loyal, but this was ridiculous. They had the nerve to tell her that she wasn't 'pulling her weight' and that she could be replaced, and she still wouldn't leave them?

"Rachel, don't you see what they're doing to you?" he asked, shifting so that he could look into her eyes. She didn't, he could tell, so he tried a different tact. "About two years ago there was a girl in Vocal Adrenaline, for the sake of this story we'll call her Erica. Erica started dating this guy named...'Guy'.

Now, when she and Guy first started going out it was great. All roses and kisses and 'us against the world'. They were in love." Rachel nodded her head politely, showing that she was listening, although she had no idea what any of this had to do with what they were talking about. "Pretty soon she started blowing off her friends in order to spend more time with him. He wanted her to spend every moment of the day with him, and acted all hurt and jealous when she didn't. It got to the point where he began accusing her of cheating on him with her best friend – who was a straight girl by the way – because they sometimes spent the night at each other's houses."

Rachel frowned. Clearly the Guy had issues.

"In order to assuage his fears she started spending less and less time with her friend, and slowly but surely he became more and more verbally abusive, making her feel like she wasn't good enough, and she would never do better than him. He destroyed her support system so there was no one to tell her anything different." There was a dark look on Jesse's face, the remnants of long buried anger coming to the surface, "She started skipping practices and lost her edge. Finally Coach Corcoran sat her down to talk, and eventually figured out what was going on. Coach was the only one who could talk some sense into her. She told Erica - and Erica's parents - that she needed to end that relationship.

And she did.

About three or four different times. Every time he would promise to change and tell her how much he loved her and she would go back to him." Jesse shook his head, remembering exactly how delusional she had been, "It took Coach kicking her off the team - which hurt us about as much as it did her - and having her parents send her to finish high school in Colorado, in order for her to finally end things with him for good." Jesse looked down, pushing back those memories and felt Rachel reach out and take his hand. He studied their fingers intertwined for a few seconds before she interrupted his musings.

"Jesse...this isn't the same situation. New Directions is not my abusive boyfriend." She said quietly, denying the idea altogether.

"Isn't it?" he asked, bringing his eyes back up to meet hers, he sees a slight uneasiness there. "They treat you like trash, and make you feel like so much less than you are - like you can't do any better than that team, and you shouldn't expect to. They got angry and jealous when we started dating, just like they get angry and jealous when you show interest in anything outside of that club. You storm out and swear that you'll never go back, but a few sweet words and promises and you'll be right back where you started." He allowed the words to hit home.

"I don't know what I would do with my life without the Glee Club." Rachel told him quietly, hating how pathetic it sounded out loud.

"You have to do what Erica did." he looked into her eyes intently, making sure that he had her full attention. "Rachel, the only way you're going to end this relationship for good is if you sever all ties,"

"You want me to move?" Rachel asked not understanding.

"I want you to transfer to Carmel," he said slowly, feeling the weight behind those words. For a moment they hung in the air between them.

Rachel started speaking before her mouth had completely caught up to her brain. "Jesse, I can't do that. I practically built this team from the ground up, with nothing but my voice and my…well, my voice... and If I...new directions -"

"You quit," he reminds her before she could rationalize some excuse.

"Jesse -"

"What else do you have going on there? What besides New Directions is keeping you at McKinley High?" he asked, and silently prayed that she wouldn't say Finn Hudson. Rachel considered the question and tried to figure out what besides that glee club really mattered to her. Her mind drew a blank. She didn't care about any of the other clubs she belonged to; they were just there to fill her time. She didn't feel any particular allegiance to the school itself, since school pride was so tightly entwined with sporting events, and cheerios pep rallies. The closest thing she had to a friend was her pregnant ex-nemesis, who had only recently stopped going out of her way to torture and humiliate Rachel. What did it say about her life when a few basic acts of human kindness, without any ulterior motives (like getting into her pants), were the closest thing to friendship she had experienced since she started high school?

When she didn't offer up an answer he asked, "Rachel, why did you come here?"

"I wanted to see you."

He gave her a soft smile and stood up, pulling her to her feet with him. He placed a tender kiss on her forehead, his hand lightly sweeping through her hair. "Or maybe you came to find that third option. I can't go back there, we can't stay like this, so..." he lets the thought trail off, the answer to their problem hanging clearly in the air before both of them. She wasn't ready to say it yet, and behind him he could hear Shelby calling them back inside.

"Think about it," he told her, before placing a sweet kiss on her lips. She nodded her head in thoughtful manner and he turned around and walked away. She watched him go until the double doors swung shut behind him and she was left standing alone with her thoughts.

Join Vocal Adrenaline? She'd never considered it, not seriously at least. Before she met Jesse the idea of joining Vocal Adrenaline had been something like a fanciful dream. They were the best team in Ohio, perhaps even the nation. She had thought about auditioning for Vocal Adrenaline (and you did have to _audition_ to be in Vocal Adrenaline) the same way she thought about auditioning for American idol. It was fun to imagine, but would she ever do it? No. It was a crazy idea, and more than a little intimidating. For all her self-confidence, she was not ready to face Simon Cowell and hear him tell her how horrible she was. While Shelby Corcoran was no Simon Cowell, from what she had heard about the coach, and what she had just witnessed with her own eyes, the woman had a sharp tongue and absolutely no reservations about being brutally honest. Will Schuester's ambivalent (sometimes antagonistic) attitude towards her she could take, but after only five minutes in her company, she knew that she would be absolutely crushed if Shelby Corcoran didn't like her.

As she drove back home she tried to put the thought out of her mind, but it kept nagging at her, and Rachel would find herself weighing the pros and cons of it in her head without consciously realizing it. She'd be lying if she said the idea didn't sound appealing, if for no other reason than that it would allow her to be with Jesse again. They wouldn't have to sneak around, or deal with suspicious teammates, and jealous exes. They could actually be together if she went to Carmel. And if Rachel did get a spot in Vocal Adrenaline? It would open far more doors for her than New Directions ever could, even if they did win regionals. The team was known nationwide as one of the best Glee clubs in the country, and Rachel would finally be amongst a group of people who were just a dedicated as she was. Who knows, maybe she might even be able to make friends…or at the very least, they might not hate her.

She could hardly imagine going to a school where she didn't have to carry around a spare pair of clothes 'just in case', or cower in the hallways in fear of having an ice beverage thrown in her face. The only reason she could think of for staying at McKinley was out of obligation to the Glee Club…but as they had so eagerly told her just a few hours ago, she was replaceable

It was a thought that stuck with her for the rest of the day. Every time she started to reconsider her decision she would remind herself that to New Directions she was 'replaceable'. She would remind herself about every vicious remark and snide comment that had been aimed at her by her teammates. She would think about all the times the team had rallied around Kurt and Mercedes for solos, not because they were better singers, but because they simply didn't want Rachel to have it. She remembered every time Will Schuester had pointedly ignored her raised hand when asking for volunteers to go first, and dismissed her ideas for the sake of some misguided attempt at fairness. She was replaceable.

* * *

Reviews help me write.


	6. Hello, Goodbye

**A/N:** I am turning in to the sort of person who checks their e-mail every five minutes, hoping for a new review. It's like an addiction. I hadn't expected to end this chapter where I did, but this seemed like the best place to leave it at the moment. I hope you all enjoy.

**Hello, Goodbye**

Rachel took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying to calm her nerves. She knew what she was going to say, she'd been practicing her speech in the mirror all weekend. She had debated not saying anything at all, just walking away and letting the conversation they'd had on Friday be the last they ever heard from her, but the theater professional in her would not let her do that. After everything they had been through together over the last few months she felt she owed it to them to at least say a proper goodbye, so she had sent out a mass text message last night asking all the members of New Directions to meet in the choir room on Monday morning for an emergency meeting. She was sure that they had grumbled about it and probably considered ignoring her, but she was standing outside the choir room door now and from the sound of things they were all in there. They were just waiting for her.

She knew that she was as prepared as she was ever going to be, but her legs weren't taking orders from her brain. She was fighting against her instinct for flight. Her body knew that she was walking into what would soon be a hostile environment and it was telling her to run. She squashed down the impulse as best as she could and exhaled the breath that she had been holding. She reached out and grabbed the door handle, propelling herself inside the choir room with more vigor than absolutely necessary. The door slammed shut behind her, loud as a gunshot, and every eye in the room turned on her. With horror she realized that she couldn't remember her first line. Her well prepared speech seemed to have abandoned her along with her sense of self preservation. There was a heavy silence for a few seconds as they all continued to stare at her, waiting to see what she would say.

When she remained silent Mr. Schue jumped in, prompting her, "Rachel? You said you wanted to meet with us here. What's this about?"

"If you're planning on apologizing would you make it quick?" Artie asked in with a bored tone.

"Yeah, some of us have better things to do with our time." Santana said, with Brittany's head resting comfortably on her shoulder.

Rachel took a step forward and cleared her throat, "Good morning, everyone. Thank you all for meeting me here, I know we all have a busy day ahead." She said in the same measured voice she had used when talking to the mirror. Some of them shifted in their seats, apparently tuning her out already. "I just wanted to come in and say a proper goodbye –"

"Oh god. Somebody wake me when she's done being dramatic." Kurt said, not even attempting to hush his voice.

"You're in for a long nap." Mercedes laughed.

Rachel shot them both a glare but continued speaking as though she hadn't been interrupted. "I know we haven't always seen eye to eye, but I didn't want to leave things the way they were on Friday. I asked you all here so that I could formally resign my position from New Directions."

"What?" Finn asked in disbelief.

"Rachel, listen, I know you're upset about what happened on Friday – " Mr. Schue started to say.

"This isn't about what happened on Friday." Rachel interrupted, "Well, it was at first," Rachel admitted, "I mean, the idea that you all think that I'm replaceable was hurtful, and difficult to accept – "

"We don't think you're replaceable." Finn interjected.

"Some of us don't." Quinn clarified.

"But it isn't about _that_ now_. _I've had ample opportunity to think this decision over, and although it may not immediately seem like it to you, I'm certain that I've made the right choice." Rachel told them confidently, feeling some of her nervousness dissipate. Offhandedly she says, "I spoke to Jesse on Friday after I left and – " The room exploded with sighs and exclamations. Apparently she had everyone's attention now.

"Are you serious?" Mercedes asked.

"You can't really be this naïve." Kurt said, staring at her in astonishment.

"You've got to be kidding." Finn said angrily. "After everything he did to you…to this team, you -"

"It's not like I could have spoken to any of my teammates!" Rachel told them defensively. This silenced Finn for a moment, and she pushed on quickly. "I spoke to Jesse on Friday and he made me realize some things. I spent the entire weekend thinking about what you all said, reevaluating some of my own choices and trying to figure out where exactly I fit in at this school and in this club. The only conclusion I've come to is that I don't." She told them truthfully.

"What do you m-mean, you've 'been reevaluating your choices'?" Tina asked.

"Rachel, a lot of angry words were said on Friday in the heat of the moment," Mr. Schue said trying to reason with her, "but that is no reason to start making rash decisions."

"I'm not making a 'rash decision'." Rachel told him resolutely, "I've been thinking about my future and –"

"And what?" Mercedes interjected, "You let that traitor talk you into quitting the team? Can't you see he's just trying to sabotage us?"

"_He's_ not the one who talked me into to quitting!" Rachel pointed out angrily, and Mercedes at least had the decency to look guilty.

"So what? You're just going to sit out regionals and let our school lose so that your little boyfriend can win?" Kurt pressed her. "You're just as much of a traitor as he is."

"This isn't my school anymore!" Rachel told them. She had hoped to break the news more gently, but her anger got the better of her. "My dads are in the Principals office withdrawing me right now." The silence that met this statement was deafening. Finn was the first to speak.

"He really did a number on you didn't he?" Finn asked quietly, staring at her with anger written all over his face, "You're going to give up everything we've worked for, everything you have here, to chase after that asshole Jesse like some…moronic school girl with a crush?" Finn asked furiously. "He left you! You hurt his ego with that 'Run, Joey, Run' video and this is how he's getting his revenge. How stupid can you be!" he demanded, standing up.

"Finn – " Mr. Schue said, trying to calm him.

"What, because I'm not chasing after you anymore?" Rachel wondered quietly staring him in eye, "'Moronic school girl with a crush'? Is that what you thought of me?" Rachel asked, hurt lacing her voice.

Finn realized exactly how that had sounded. "That's not – "

"It is." Rachel cut off whatever half-assed apology he was about to give. "And questioning anyone's intelligence is a bold move coming from you." He broke her gaze, glancing at Quinn and then looking away with a slight blush on his face. "The fact is I don't see a reason to stay." She said seriously.

"Rachel, think about this. Don't make a decision you're going to regret." Mr. Schue told her, imploringly. "This club needs you."

"I have thought about it. That isn't enough for me anymore." Rachel told him steadily, the turning toward the rest of the club she said, "I didn't come here to fight with you or argue. I just wanted to say goodbye, so…goodbye." Without waiting to hear what they would say next Rachel turned and walked out the door.

She didn't know why she had expected that to go any better than it did. Somehow during her many rehearsal speeches she had convinced herself that they would understand. She would explain and they would accept it and her last meeting with New Directions wouldn't be filled with angry words. It had been unrealistic of her, she realized, still feeling the sting of Finn's accusation. It had been just as hurtful as it was unexpected.

A light chirping of her phone brought her out of her thoughts and she glanced down to read her new text message. It was from daddy, telling her that they were finished in the principal's office and she should meet them out in the car whenever she was ready. She looked around the hall at the students milling around, and knew that she wouldn't miss any of this. Placing the phone back in her pocket she turned to the left, boldly marching straight down the middle of hallway for the first time since her freshmen year completely unafraid. These people had no control over her. Not anymore.

She reached the double doors, about to make her final exit from the halls of McKinley high when she heard a voice behind her call her name. Rachel turned around slowly, not knowing what to expect. She saw Quinn walking towards her and she relaxed.

"Quinn," she said in greeting, unsure of how the other girl had taken the news of her departure.

"Rachel. I just wanted to say…good luck." Quinn told her hesitantly, "At Carmel, I mean. McKinley won't be the same without you." There is sincerity in her voice. The bell for first period rang and students begin coming in through the door behind Rachel, moving down the hall to go to their classes.

"Thank you, Quinn. I…" She didn't know what else to say. "I'll see you around."

Quinn nodded, walking backward as they crowd pushed them further apart, "I'll see you around, Berry." She gave the girl one last look before turning around and getting lost in the throng of people moving down the hall. Rachel watched her go. Feeling like a fish moving upstream she turned around and walked out the double doors, the stream of students getting thinner until there were only a few stragglers who still lingered outside. She got into her fathers waiting car without looking back.

"Hey sweetie, how'd it go?" Papa asked, looking back at her from the passenger seat.

"As well as can be expected. They were sad to see me go, but I think they understood my reasons for leaving." they hadn't even given her a chance to fully explain her reasons. She quickly changed the subject before either of her fathers could probe further. "Everything in order with the transfer?"

"Yeah," Papa responded, "After a ridiculous amount of superfluous bureaucracy McKinley will send your records over by the end of the week."

"It was not 'superfluous bureaucracy'," Daddy contradicted,

"Hiram – "

"It was not superfluous." Daddy said amended because it had in fact been 'bureaucracy', "The school is simply trying to make this process as secure as possible."

"When there are 20 pages of paper to sign I guarantee you at least one of them is redundant." Papa countered, "Why would they need to verify both of our identities if either one of us could have signed her out of that school? It was all the same information, for the same student, and yet we each had to fill out ten forms."

"Personally I want it as difficult as possible for some random stranger to come in and remove our daughter from school." Daddy said and then started going over all of the legal reasons why it such an inconvenient process was necessary. Rachel sank back comfortably into her seat, half listening to her fathers talk and watching the houses fly by. She had brought up the idea of switching schools on Friday night. They had both been skeptical at first, but after Rachel told them about the desecration of her locker that day they had agreed that she couldn't stay at McKinley. They wanted to sue the school, but Rachel had requested that she simply be allowed to transfer to Carmel. They agreed wholeheartedly and they both managed to get a few hours off on Monday morning to withdraw her from McKinley. Rachel knew that her fathers had probably given Principal Figgins an ear full about bullying and homophobia, with a few threats-of-legal-actions thrown in for good measure. She is a little disappointed that she didn't get to see them in action.

When they arrived at Carmel they headed straight for the admissions and attendance office, and Rachel was left to sit around waiting as her fathers filled out paper work, her Papa getting a slightly superior look every time he ran across a completely unnecessary question and teasing Daddy about his growing frustration with this not-at-all-redundant process. When they were finished signing papers they pelted a slightly overwhelmed administrator with questions about the schools policy on bullying (Zero tolerance) and academic standards (one of the highest ranking schools in the district). By the time everything was said and done, and all of their questions had been answered to their satisfaction, first period was just about to end.

"Ok sweetheart, you're all signed up." Daddy said, walking over and pulling her into a brief hug. "Your new councilor just has to draw up your new class schedule for you."

"I have to get to the hospital," Papa told her, wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug as well. "Is there anything you need before we go?"

For a moment Rachel felt like it was her first day of kindergarten again and she really doesn't want them to leave her here alone. She shook her head, "No, I'll be fine. There's nothing to worry about. I'll see you both tonight."

"You'll be better than fine," Papa says, pulling away with a smile. "You're going to charm their socks off."

"Remember every single detail. We are going to want to hear all about your first day when we get home tonight." Daddy tells her as they walk towards the door.

"I will." Rachel assures them with a smile. Once they are gone Rachel reclaims her seat in the plain white waiting room next to the main help desk. She only has to wait for a few minutes before a frazzled looking woman came out with a piece of paper in her hand, "Rachel Berry?" She asked, even though Rachel is the only person in the room besides the girl behind the desk. When Rachel nodded she continued, "This is your new class schedule for the semester. We tried to get it as closely matching your old one as possible and if there are any problems we can always change it for you later." Rachel nodded again, giving her new schedule a cursory scan. Everything seemed to be in order. "Now, I've given you a map of the campus, and a school calendar, which lists all the major events happening this year. Do you have any questions?"

"Um…"

"Good." The woman said, handing her all of the papers and turning around to walk back into her office. "Have a nice day." She called over her shoulder as an afterthought.

Rachel was left sitting there alone, unsure of what to do. She didn't even have the woman's name. Looking over her schedule again she saw that she had Math her first period and History after that. Glancing up at the clock she saw that she only had five more minutes left of first period and decided to get a head start on finding her History class instead.

Stepping out into the hall Rachel looked down at her map, following the path she thought most likely to lead her to room 605. After multiple twist and turns down unfamiliar corridors she stopped walking and stared down at the paper in her hands in frustration. There are few things more disheartening than realizing you don't know how to read a map, but that was the reality that Rachel was faced with as she turned yet another corner and finally admitted to herself that she was thoroughly lost. She had always known that Carmel High was bigger than McKinley, but she never knew it more acutely than she did now. She didn't even think she could find her way back to the office she started from. Sighing, Rachel evaluated the hallway that she stood in now and walked past a few closed classroom doors. As she got nearer to the end of the hall she noticed what looked like an office door, standing halfway open. As she got closer she heard a light humming coming from inside and quickened her step, hoping that whoever was in there would be able to help her. Through the cracked door she caught a glimpse of a lone dark haired woman sitting at a desk and immediately stopped.

Glancing up at the plaque beside the office door Rachel confirmed that it was indeed Shelby Corcoran's office. Rachel stood there for a moment, not knowing what to do. She was definitely lost, and there was no way she was going to find her classroom without some sort of help, but she wasn't sure if Shelby Corcoran was the person she wanted to ask. She had already made a fool of herself during their last encounter (Someone stole my clothes?), and now she was about to go knocking on the woman's door because she doesn't know how to read a map? It would be embarrassing to say the least, and not the sort of impression she wanted to leave. But she couldn't just wander the halls, like a misplaced child in a packed mall, either. She knew she had to do something, either walk away or go ask for help, but indecision held her in place. The musical theater part of her brain that never seemed to sleep noticed that Shelby was absentmindedly humming the melody of 'Don't rain on my parade'. She was perfectly on key and Rachel was sure that the woman could sing each note to perfection. It was a lovely sound to listen to, and Rachel found herself stepping closer in order to hear her more clearly. Without having made up her mind about asking for help or not she was about to step into the office. Luckily a piercingly loud bell rang, echoing down the empty halls and breaking Rachel's trance.

By the time the final reverberations faded the woman inside the office had gone quiet, as though waking up from her own daydream. The silence only lasted a second though, as the hallways quickly filled with bustling students. Rachel gave the office one last look and then walked away, turning the next corner and surveying the mess of students around her. She tried asking a group of girls, but they just walked past, ignoring her. A boy with a skateboard stopped to listen, but was less than helpful in his instructions. The next two people that she talked to gave her conflicting information and Rachel was beginning to feel discouraged when she saw a couple of students sporting the same matching blue and black outfits she had seen Vocal Adrenaline wearing on Friday. She approached two friendly looking students.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt, if I could have just a moment of your time?" She said walking up to a boy and girl chatting idly near a locker. They looked at her curiously and she took it as her cue to continue, "I just transferred in to Carmel this morning, and I seem to have misplaced my sense of direction. This school is like a labyrinth, I keep expecting to run into a Minotaur, or David Bowie or something…anyway, I've been looking for room 605 for forever. I can't make any sense of this map and no one I've asked has given me intelligible instructions on how to get there, so if either of you could point me in the right direction I would really appreciate it."

"Um…sure." The girl answered, looking over at her companion with an amused smile. "Room 605? That's History with Mr. West right?" Rachel glanced down to check her class schedule and the tall boy moved to look over her shoulder.

"Today she's got Noble's English class first," The girl rolled her eyes, "West second, Morrow's French class third, second lunch, then P.E. with Coach Silver." The girl gave her a sympathetic look on that last one.

"Is that bad?" Rachel asked cautiously.

"Yes," They answered in unison. "Coach Silver is a tyrant, if you plan on surviving this semester with your GPA intact, I would suggest you drop the class ASAP." The girl told her as she closed her locker. With visions of Sue Sylvester running through her mind Rachel nodded her head solemnly. Beside her the boy gave up attempting to read over her shoulder.

"Yoink!" He exclaimed as he took the paper from her hands to examine it closer. Rachel looked up at him, startled, but he didn't seem to notice.

The girl shot him a disapproving look then apologized to Rachel, "Forgive him; he was raised by a TV."

"I could be saving her academic life," he said dramatically, focusing on the schedule for another second. "Nope. She's good." He said handing the paper back to Rachel.

Looking around the hallway Rachel noticed that there were significantly less students than there had been a minute ago and looked back to the two in front of her, "So…the history class?"

"Oh, no worries," the girl said stepping away from her locker and showing Rachel her textbook covered in Historical imagery, "we're headed there too." she said stepping away from her locker and indicating that Rachel should follow.

"Great." Rachel said with relief, partially because she now had two guides to show her to class and partially because these two seemed genuinely friendly. This would be her first chance to bond with her new cohorts in an environment that was neither academic nor theatrical. If handled correctly this encounter could blossom into a friendship, and that thought made her pulse quicken. Rachel took a deep breath to try to calm her suddenly jittery nerves. It occurred to her then that she didn't know either of their names. Her hand shot out like it was on a spring, "Hi,mynameisRachelBerry." She said in a single breath, almost too quickly to understand.

The boy and girl looked startled at the hand suddenly thrust towards them, and stared at Rachel as though she'd suddenly gone insane. She could feel the blush racing up her neck. After a long second the boy gave a surprised laugh and took her proffered hand, "Hello." He says in a cautiously slow voice. "I'm Oliver Queen."

"He also goes by the name Green Arrow." The girl said jokingly.

"Shut up." Oliver replied as though this was something they went through a lot.

"I'm sorry; did I just reveal you're secret identity?" She asked with barely contained laughter.

"Hey Kendra, you know what I would really appreciate from you right now?" he asked in an annoyed tone, "Shutting up." He said without waiting for her to answer. This only caused her to laugh out loud, and Rachel gave them a confused smile.

"Ollie's dad is a huge comic book nerd," Kendra explained, causing Ollie to sigh in defeat, "Since he already had the last name 'Queen' he decided to name his son after his after the Green Arrow, AKA Oliver Queen." She revealed with a huge smile. Oliver just looked away and crossed his arms. He was about 6'' tall with dark blond – almost brown – hair, blue eyes, and a chiseled jaw line. With his arms crossed like that and the annoyed look on his face he looked like he could very well be a comic book superhero by night.

"I'm Kendra Dawson, by the way." She said, slightly changing the subject and taking Rachel's hand politely. She had light brown skin, hazel eyes and long curls that framed her face. "Did you say you're name was Rachelberry?" she asked, bemused.

"That sounds like something you'd get at Jamba Juice." Ollie said with amusement, unable to hold on to his annoyance for more than a few seconds.

"No, it's um, Rachel Berry," she enunciated and using pauses in their proper places. "My fathers were huge 'friends' fans so they named me after Jennifer Aniston's character 'Rachel Green'." She said in an attempt to relate to Oliver over their shared fictional-character inspired names.

"I really want a Yumberry smoothie now." Ollie admitted distractedly.

Kendra just rolled her eyes and continued walking down the hall. "We'll go at lunch." She told him indulgently when he and Rachel caught up to her. "So Rachel, what's the deal with the sudden transfer?" she asked as she led them down the hall.

"My tenure at McKinley high school was fraught with hostility and animosity perpetrated by those with small minds and big muscles." She told them diplomatically, "I reached a point where I felt as though staying there was no longer in my best interest, so I convinced my fathers to allow me to transfer schools."

"Um…ok." Kendra said uncertainly, not sure why Rachel suddenly sounded like a politician but unwilling to push her on it. Taking a corner she led them upstairs to the second floor and down a familiar path.

"I CAN read a map." Rachel muttered under her breath, realizing she'd simply been on the wrong floor.

"That's good." Ollie said confusedly. She was about to explain, but they reached the classroom door before she got the chance. Leading her inside Ollie called out to their teacher, "Hey West, we got a new student." As he and Kendra went to take their seats. Rachel allowed her eyes to scan the classroom and stopped when she spotted a familiar face. To say that Jesse looked shocked would be putting it lightly. His jaw literally dropped. Almost as soon as Rachel decided that she was going to take his advice and transfer to Carmel she also decided that she wanted it to be a surprise. It had taken all of her self control not to call him over the weekend to tell him her decision, but the look on his face now made it completely worth it. She would have laughed if she weren't suddenly so nervous.

He stood up from his desk slowly moved towards her as though in a daze. He stopped once he was within arm's reach and continued to stare at her in wonder. She had gone over this moment in her mind every time she got nervous about transferring to Carmel. She had spent most of Saturday night thinking about what she would say when she saw him. "Hello." Rachel said cleverly, in a voice barely above a whisper. It felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room in anticipation of his reaction. He reached out a hand to touch her, apparently checking to make sure that he wasn't daydreaming. Rachel was about to speak again when his arm went sliding around her waist, pulling her tight to him and bringing his lips crashing into hers. It felt better than she remembered it. Where there last kiss had been sweet and gentle, this one was filled with a week's worth of pent up passion and longing. It felt like Jesse was trying to express everything he had ever felt for her in a single kiss. It left her breathless. Any reticence she still felt about her transferring to Carmel vanished in that moment.

"AHEM!" the loud clearing of a throat nearby reminded her of exactly where they were, but Jesse didn't seem to care.

He continued to kiss her for a few more seconds before pulling away slowly. "Hi." He said in a low voice that made Rachel's heart skip a beat. She smiled up at him happily.

"Well, that was a quite a 'hello'." Their teacher's slightly embarrassed voice said from somewhere outside of Rachel's field of vision, which currently consisted solely of Jesse face. With an effort she pulled her eyes away from him and to look at the rest of the class and froze. Every person in the room was staring at them. Rachel cleared her throat, trying to fight down the heat rising in her cheeks and failing miserably. She looked back up at Jesse to see him grinning down at her like he had just won the lottery. _Definitely worth it,_ She thought as she pushed the idea of an audience out of her mind and leaned in to kiss him again.

* * *

Reviews make my day.


	7. Waiting

**A/N:** I've got a really busy week ahead (my 20th birthday is on the 2nd) so it might take longer than usual to update. Now that Rachel is at Carmel I am working in pretty much uncharted territory, so I want to know what you all think. I have a general outline for where I want the story to go, but your ideas really help me to fill in the blanks, so if there is an idea or scene you really want me to tackle feel free to tell me about it. A lot of people asked for a bit more fluff and a bit more Shelby, so I supplied both in this chapter. Enjoy!

**Waiting**

_"AHEM!" the loud clearing of a throat nearby reminded her of exactly where they were, but Jesse didn't seem to care._

_He continued to kiss her for a few more seconds before pulling away slowly. "Hi," he said in a low voice that made Rachel's heart skip a beat. She smiled up at him happily._

_"Well, that was a quite a 'hello'," their teacher's slightly embarrassed voice said from somewhere outside of Rachel's field of vision, which currently consisted solely of Jesse face. With an effort she pulled her eyes away from him and to look at the rest of the class and froze. Every person in the room was staring at them. Rachel cleared her throat, trying to fight down the heat rising in her cheeks and failing miserably. She looked back up at Jesse to see him grinning down at her like he had just won the lottery. __Definitely worth it,__ she thought as she pushed the idea of an audience out of her mind and leaned in to kiss him again._

It only took a few more seconds before their next interruption came, this time more insistent, "Excuse me." Reluctantly they pulled apart, but Jesse still stared down at her like he couldn't believe she was really here. "I'm sorry to interrupt this stirring scene, but I do have a class to teach, and you Mr. St. James are not in here to make-out with my students," Rachel could see amusement in Jesse's eyes before he broke eye contact and put on his best bashful face.

"I apologize, sir," he said in a sincere tone. Rachel could almost believe him if he wasn't still holding her so tight to his body.

"I'm sure," Mr. West said doubtfully before turning his look on Rachel. She just stared back at him dumbly, not knowing what to do and growing more embarrassed by the second. She had never done anything like that in front of a teacher before. Was he about to give her detention or something? That would be great on her first day. Her fathers would kill her. "…Ms.?"

"Berry, Rachel Berry," she said taking his prompt and running with it, "I just transferred in from McKinley high school, and for the record, I would also like to apologize for making such a scene as well. Obviously we were both rather overcome with emotion, and it was _incredibly_ romantic, but I agree that a classroom full of students is not the appropriate place for such a reunion. In my defense, I hadn't expected to run into Jesse in any of my classes, so he caught me off guard."

"Um…right," The teacher replied, not sure how to respond to that, "Well, Ms. Berry I believe you have a paper I need to sign," He prompted again.

"Right!" Rachel handed him the registration form she needed all of her teachers to sign. A light pressure on her back made her look back up at Jesse, who wore an amused look on his face.

"_I _caught _you_ off guard?" He asked her quietly. Rachel nodded her head; she honestly had not expected to find him in her history class. Jesse nodded back, accepting this. "We improvise well together," he said with a grin.

"Damn, Jesse, you just walk up and kiss girls without even asking their names first?" Ollie asked teasingly as he walked back up to them, "I gotta try that sometime."

Glancing over at him Rachel was once again reminded of their audience. The entire class was either staring at them or whispering excitedly. She caught more than one glare being thrown her way.

"Of course he knows who she is," Kendra told Ollie knowingly, "I take it this was the reason for your little excursion over to McKinley high." Where they had seemed only politely curious before, Oliver and Kendra now looked at her with real consideration. Her association with Jesse seemed to up her status in their minds.

He didn't reply, instead deciding to shoot Rachel another smile. Before anyone could ask anymore question the teacher came back up to them.

"Oliver, Kendra, take your seats." Kendra gave Jesse a look that clearly said 'we'll talk about this later', before turning around and heading to her desk. Oliver lightly punched Jesse in the shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows, before turning to follow Kendra. "I didn't see that one coming," Rachel overheard Ollie telling Kendra before they moved out of ear shot.

"Rachel, I'm Mr. West," He said offering her a hand to shake, "We don't have a seating chart, so feel free to sit wherever you want," At Jesse's eager look he amended, "Not in the office. Not in his _lap_. You should be seated in a chair, in this classroom, with the rest of your classmates."

Jesse looked decidedly less eager.

"If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask, even if you have to interrupt. For today you should feel free to just observe," he said kindly, "Do you have any questions right now?" Rachel shook her head, too distracted by Jesse's hand around her waist to form a real reply. "Ok, attempt to detach yourselves and go find a seat."

The desks were broken up into three sections, with 6 rows of 4 desks against each wall, and all of them faced the center of the room which was empty. Jesse led her over to the right section where Kendra and Oliver had taken their seats, and down the last aisle of tightly packed desks. People stared at them openly as they passed but Jesse didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't seem to care. When he reached the single empty desk beside Kendra's he allowed her to take the seat and pulled over a single chair to sit beside them, sharing her desk. "Where do you usually sit?" she wondered.

"In the office." He nodded towards a door near the front of the classroom that she hadn't noticed. That must be where Mr. West's desk was located, since the only things at the front of the classroom were an almost empty table and a podium over to the left of the board. "Or wherever else I want," He said with a shrug. "I'm the TA for this class." He explained.

Rachel nodded, that explained why he was in a class full of sophomores. "So, are you going to tell me what happened, or am I going to have to…" the threat faded off as Mr. West stood in front of the class and called them all to attention.

Across the room she saw a couple of girls continuing to whisper back and forth, but Jesse knew how much she hated to give less than 100% in class. He sent her a small smile that said 'tell me later,' and Rachel took out her notebook expecting Mr. West to begin his lecture. Instead he showed them a clip about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, and then led the class in a conversation about the history of oil and how it had become such a vital commodity on the world market. Instead of telling them facts and having them take notes he allowed the students to ask questions and come to their own conclusions, simply acting as guide and moderator through the discussion.

It completely threw Rachel off her game. She wrote frantically but it was impossible to take thorough notes on what everyone was saying and still keep up with the discussion. About twenty minutes into the class Jesse silently placed his hand over hers, removed the pen from her hand, and closed her notebook. Rachel shot him a panicked look as the discussion moved on at its fluid pace and her notes fell farther behind.

"Just listen," He told her calmly. "trust me," he said when she still looked dubious. Rachel rolled her eyes and sat forward in her seat, determined not to miss anything that might be important later. It was odd to see so much of the class willingly participating without any threats or intervention from the teacher. At McKinley getting someone to speak up in class was like pulling teeth.

Once she stopped worrying about notes and actually started listening she was surprised by how much she learned. It was distracting at times, having Jesse sitting so close to her after such a long absence, but she wouldn't have it any other way. At one point he kissed her on the cheek and said, "I'll be right back," before standing up and quietly slipping into the Mr. West's office.

Through the window in the door Rachel saw him slip his cell phone out of his pocket and start texting somebody before he moved out of view. He came back into the classroom he was carrying a stack of papers that apparently he was responsible for grading. When he sat down next to her again she put a hand on his knee so that he wouldn't get up again and refused to move it for the rest of the class.

When Mr. West finally dismissed the class it was seven minutes before the bell was due to ring, "We get to leave early?" Rachel asked, looking around as everyone started moving around and backing up their things.

"It's sort of an unspoken rule that the teachers dismiss their students." Kendra said beside her, "If they want to let you go 10 minutes early, then it is completely up to them."

"On the flip side, if a lesson runs over time or they want to be a dick and keep you after the bell rings, there's nothing you can do about it," Oliver mentioned, standing up and hoping over a desk so that he stood between Kendra and Rachel's desks.

"SO, how long have the two of you known each other?" Kendra asked in an overly cheerful voice, with an inviting smile on her face.

"1 month and 16 days," Rachel answered precisely, with a slight smile at Jesse.

"Wow, you know that down to the day," Kendra said with a hint of surprise, "So I can assume that you were the reason behind Jesse's disappearing act?" She still sounded just as pleasant as before, but it made her wonder for the first time how Jesse's friends and teammates had taken his sudden departure, especially after seeing New Directions reactions this morning.

"Um…I suppose I am." Rachel said cautiously. Oliver and Kendra shared a look that she couldn't read.

"What classes are you taking?" Jesse asked Rachel, changing the subject entirely. "I haven't seen your schedule yet." Kendra sent him a glare but didn't continue with her line of questioning. Jesse scanned over Rachel's schedule the same way Oliver had and confirmed his assessment, "You've got to drop Silver. That woman is a hypocritical tyrant. She sits on a lawn chair eating donuts while her class runs laps around the track. The only way to pass her class with better than a 'C' is to join a sports team," Jesse told her as they all gathered their things.

Together the four of them left the classroom, with Jesse briefly stopping to hand off the graded papers to Mr. West before they left. Once they got outside Jesse once again tugged Rachel to his side, shooting Kendra a pointed look. "Well, we've got Chem.," She said with a bright smile, "So I guess we'll see you guys at lunch." She started to walk away, but Ollie stayed where he was.

"We've got like 10 minutes left before class starts," He said with a confused look.

"But we both need to stop by our lockers before class," Kendra reminded him, and Jesse gave her a grateful look. "Plus I'm pretty sure Jesse wants to make out with Rachel some more," She said bluntly, and Rachel began to blush again.

"Oh," Ollie said, looking back and forth between them as Kendra led him away, "We'll see you guys at lunch I guess. Have fun!"

Once they were out of ear shot Jesse looked back down at Rachel. Taking a step back he offered her his arm, "If you have no objections, I would like to offer my services as an escort," He said formally. Rachel grinned up at him, only a little disappointed that what Kendra said wasn't true.

"Why, thank you, good sir." She slipped her arm through his and he led her down the hall.

"So, are you planning to tell me what happened or will you take the secret to your grave?" He asked, although his voice remained just as light as before there was a serious undercurrent to his question. Rachel told him an abbreviated version of everything that had happened since Friday. How torn she had been about the decision at first, but knowing it was the right thing to do. Showing her father's a small taste of what she went through for the past few years in order to convince them to let her transfer. And finally, the conversation that she'd had with New Directions that morning.

When she finished Jesse walked on, silent for a long minute, "Do you regret any of it?" He asked her thoughtfully.

"No," Rachel answered with no hesitation at all. "Everything they said…most of them were dismissive. Mercedes and Kurt were there usually belligerent selves, and once again Mr. Schue did absolutely nothing to reprimand them…but…I never thought Finn would be so intentionally cruel." She was still saddened and surprised by his hurtful words. "No, I definitely don't regret it." Jesse remained silent to see if she would say more, but she appeared to have fallen into her own thought. They walked a bit longer before Rachel gave a disbelieving laugh, "Who would have thought that Quinn Fabray would be the only person I'm sad to be rid of?" she said laughing at the quirk of fate.

"Yeah…You're going to have to explain that development to me sometime," Jesse said uncertainly, wondering exactly how that friendship had come into existence in the time since he left McKinley. Putting that thought aside Jesse stopped beside the door to her French class. "Here we are," he said with a wave of his hand.

"Well, thank you for the escort," Rachel said, happily putting aside her thoughts of New Directions and McKinley high. "When will I see you again?" Rachel asked, not caring how clingy it might have sounded.

"We have lunch together after this class." He leaned forward to capture her lips once again, "I'll be waiting right here when you get out," he said with his forehead pressed lightly to hers. Out of the corner of her eye Rachel could once again see people staring at them and whispering conspiratorially, but right now she was too content to care.

"You promise?"

"I promise." He told her, stealing one last kiss before they broke apart. And after a very long hour and forty five minutes, Rachel walked out of her French class to find him leaning confidently against a locker exactly where he said he would be.

"Hi," she said happily as she walked up to him. He leaned down to kiss her in what was starting to become a habit for them.

"Hello," he said contentedly, wrapping an arm around her and leading her down a hallway. People greeted him as they walked past and Rachel noticed that they were getting more than a few curious looks thrown their way.

"Jesse," She finally asked, "Why does everyone keep looking at us like that?" she said discreetly nodding her head over towards a couple of girls who were openly staring at them and whispering back and forth. Jesse, lacking all subtlety, turned around and looked straight at them, causing them both to blush and duck their heads.

Turning back to Rachel he put on the same cocky smile that he had worn the day they met. "I don't know if you've realized this about me or not, but I'm kind of a big deal," He said with a perfectly serious voice.

Rachel wanted to laugh, but listening to so many people call out greetings to him as he passed down the hallway made her think it wasn't nearly as narcissistic a statement as it sounded. "So first things first, we still need to go and get your schedule changed before next period," He told her, leading her away from the main stream of students headed for the cafeteria and bringing her down a hallway she recognized from earlier that morning.

When they arrived in the administrative office Jesse walked confidently up to the help desk, "Hi, my girlfriend needs to change her schedule, can we talk to counselor…" Jesse faded off, looking at Rachel to supply his next line.

Rachel's stomach was still tingling with the butterflies she got from hearing him call her his girlfriend. It only took her a second longer than normal to respond, "Um…she didn't give me her name." She told him, remembering how abruptly the woman had left after handing her all of her papers.

"It should be on your schedule," Jesse told her, and Rachel pulled it out of her binder.

"Um, Mrs. Hinckley," Rachel told them.

"She's in room 340 down the hall." The girl behind the help desk pointed down the hallway off tightly packed office spaces that Rachel had seen the woman disappear down this morning.

Jesse gave the girl his most charming smile before marching down the hall without looking back. Rachel hurriedly followed him. When they got to the counselors small office Mrs. Hinckley seemed just as frazzled as she had in the morning and Rachel wondered if this was a constant state for her. "Is there a problem dear?"

"Yes," She said decisively, "I would like to drop my physical fitness class."

"I'm sorry dear, but you have to have a fitness replacement in order to drop PE," Mrs. Hinckley said, and Rachel was sure that the woman was only calling her 'dear' because she couldn't remember her name.

"She has one," Jesse jumped in. "Rachel is going to be joining Vocal Adrenaline," he said with a proud grin.

"Really?" the counselor asked with an insulting amount of doubtfulness in her voice, "And you've talked to Coach Corcoran about this?" She asked Rachel, who did her best not to look away. She honestly wasn't as certain as Jesse that she would make it onto the team, but she didn't want this woman to know that.

"Yes," Jesse lied easily, "That's why she wants to switch into Coach Corcoran's music class during that period." Rachel shot him a questioning look, but Mrs. Hinckley seemed to buy it.

"Well, alright then," Mrs. Hinckley said, and with a few clicks of her mouse Rachel was dropped from Coach Silver's P.E. class and added into Shelby Corcoran's fourth period music class.

Back at McKinley the only music class available had been cancelled when Sandy Ryerson was fired, and it hadn't occurred to Rachel that morning to inquire about one at Carmel. It only took a few more seconds for Rachel's schedule to print. When everything was finally in order she and Jesse both stood to leave the office. Before she walked out of the door she turned and said politely, "Thank you for all of your help Mrs. Hinckley. Have a lovely day." It was a trick her dads had taught her a long time ago. When someone doesn't like you the best way to get back at them is to treat them kindly. Rachel was fairly sure that her counselor did not like her for one reason or another, so she wished her a good day.

Once they were back in the hallway she turned to Jesse, "Vocal Adrenaline counts as fitness?"

"Yeah," He said with a sigh, apparently the thought alone made him tired. "You've seen our routines. There is no way you could be part of the team without being in great shape."

Rachel was quiet for a few second as they walked back towards the cafeteria again. "What if I don't make it onto Vocal Adrenaline?" She asked finally, allowing her fear and doubt to show.

"Rachel," Jesse said with amusement, disbelief and concern fighting for dominance in his voice. "There is no possible way that you won't make it onto Vocal Adrenaline. You could out sing at least half of the people in the club without trying." He said encouragingly, "You have nothing to worry about."

"But if Coach Corcoran doesn't like me –"

"Trust me," He said with a laugh, "She'll like you." When she still looked unconvinced he pulled her into a hug, "You're going to do great. You'll audition for Vocal Adrenaline, and then you and I will play the roles we were born to play: leading man and leading lady. It's a foregone conclusion," He told her confidently, and felt her smile against his chest at the thought. Just then his cell phone rang.

"It's ok," Rachel said as she pulled away from the embrace. "Answer it," She told him lightly.

Glancing at the caller ID Jesse saw it was Oliver. "Hey, what's up?" He asked into the phone. Rachel paced around in a tight circle before looking out through the glass windows of the double doors that led out to the parking lot. She briefly saw a familiar looking car drive past, but she only caught a glimpse and she couldn't place it. Before she could give it too much thought Jesse had put away his phone and walked over to where she was standing, "So, Ollie and Kendra are going to the mall to get a smoothie or something. They want to know if we'd like to join them."

"I thought this was a closed campus," Rachel said, remembering what the woman her fathers talked to this morning had said.

"Not for seniors."

"But I thought Oliver and Kendra were sophomores…"

"One of the many perks of being in Vocal Adrenaline," Jesse said nonchalantly, taking her hand and waiting for her answer.

"Ok, sure," Rachel decided, realizing how hungry she was. "A fruit smoothie would be an excellent pick-me-up to help maintain energy levels I need in order to perform in class to the best of my abilities."

"Great," Jesse said, tugging on her hand to lead her out through the double doors. "We're taking Kendra's car," he explained leading her over to a long row of Range Rovers. Rachel gaped.

"Another perk of being in Vocal Adrenaline?" She asked when she found her voice again.

"Yeah," Jesse said with a smug grin, "Come on. Keep Ollie waiting for food and he's likely to bite off your head." He led her over to a waiting Range where Oliver and Kendra were just walking up.

"Hop in," Kendra told them all, climbing into the driver seat herself. Rachel slid into a leather seat in the back beside Jesse and realized that she definitely was not in Kansas anymore. As they pulled out of the parking lot Rachel was almost certain she saw a man who looked like Mr. Schue walking into the building, but wrote it off as her eyes playing tricks on her.

On the other side of the campus in a closed office, Shelby Corcoran sat staring blankly at her half eaten salad.

She was here.

Rachel was somewhere on campus, probably enjoying a lunch of her own at this very minute, completely unaware of how her life was going to change. By some strange miracle things actually seemed to be going as planned and Shelby wasn't certain how she felt about it.

There was surprise, joy, fear, worry, and anxiousness all mixed up into gut wrenching anticipation. It was an overwhelming amalgam of emotion, and it had all hit her like a ton of bricks when she got Jesse text message a few hours ago. What if she was wrong? What if Rachel didn't need or want to know her? What would she do then? She couldn't blame the child she had given up for not welcoming her back with open arms. And if Rachel did want her? What type of mother would she really be? She had replayed the encounter from Friday in her mind all weekend long. She couldn't get over how completely she had failed. What would she do if Rachel came to her with a problem like that? She didn't know what to say or what to do. How could she ever seriously think that she could be a mother to a teenage girl?

Slowly she pushed the salad over the side of her desk and into the trashcan below. The knots in her stomach wouldn't let her eat it. She closed her eyes and leaned back in her chair.

Rachel was here.

No matter what misgivings she might have she couldn't stop the joy that bubbled up inside her at the thought of her daughter being so close. A knock on her office door shook her from her thoughts and she didn't know whether to be grateful or annoyed. She didn't really feel like talking to anyone at the moment, so she stayed seated and assumed that the person at her door would take the hint and come back some other time. A few seconds later the knocking started up again, this time more insistent. Definitely annoyed, she decided. She took her time getting up and walking over to the door, giving whoever was out there the time to rethink bothering her right now. When she opened it she saw a man with his back turned to her, just about to walk away from the door. Unfortunately he turned back around when he heard the sound of the door opening.

"Will Schuester," Shelby greeted him, only slightly surprised to see him standing there. It didn't take a genius to figure out why he was here, especially with that look on his face.

"You lied to me," He accused, glaring at her.

"Nice to see you too," She said flippantly. "Please, come in," she invited before he could reply. From what she heard Will had no qualms about getting into bitching matches with other teachers in the middle of the hallway. If they were going to have this out either way then she much preferred not to argue in front of her students. She stood back from the doorway and he walked past, avoiding any contact between them. She closed the door behind him and walked behind her desk with deliberate calmness. "What exactly are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me," He said angrily. "You stole my lead singer."

"That is a serious accusation Will," She told him disapprovingly, just to annoy him.

"You're saying you didn't send Jesse to McKinley to recruit Rachel?" He asked skeptically.

"No," She told him, letting her tone harden just a bit, "I didn't. Haven't we already had this conversation?"

"You expect me to believe that it's just a coincidence that Jesse joined New Directions, integrated himself into our club, only to leave and convince Rachel to follow him?" Sarcasm was not at all attractive on Will Schuester.

"I don't particularly care what you believe," Shelby told him, allowing some of her annoyance to slip in her voice. "I haven't accepted any new students into Vocal Adrenaline. But while we're on the subject," A realization had just occurred to her, "You have a lot of nerve coming in here and accusing me of stealing one of your students after what you did with Jesse." She mimicked his anger, "First you come sneaking into one of my rehearsals and tell me how concerned you are about Jesse spying, then the next thing I know he's abandoning Vocal Adrenaline in order to join your little Glee Club."

Will opened and shut his mouth twice before saying, "I didn't have anything to do with that." Sounding appalled, "Jesse came over to McKinley without my knowledge."

"But you jumped at the chance to have him join your Glee club," Shelby accused. From what Jesse told her it had only taken a week or two before Mr. Schue started giving him most of the lead male vocals in the club.

"I couldn't turn him away after letting all of the other kids join," Will said, trying to justify his actions, "It wouldn't have been fair."

"You're right," Shelby told him, suddenly dropping all pretense of anger, "I have to let Rachel at least try out. It wouldn't be fair to turn her away just because she used to be an integral part of another Glee Club." She leaned back in her chair as he tried to process what just happened.

"You areso…_manipulative_!" He said with outrage, staring down at her like she was the devil incarnate. Shelby guessed that this argument was not going to lead to another makeout session.

"Will, I said it before, I'll say it again," She said evenly, "I did not 'steal' Rachel from you."

"Then why did she leave?" He demanded to know, looking just as angry and mistrustful as before.

"That's something you should ask yourself," She suggested. "She obviously couldn't have been very happy at McKinley if she was willing to give up her status as lead singer to start over at a school new school where she isn't even guaranteed a spot in the club." She could see some of her word hitting home, "Do you honestly think she would have left if she had a reason to stay?" Shelby asked him, watching his reaction closely. Jesse had told her how Rachel teammates treated her but she had hoped he was just exaggerating. Seeing how Will avoided her eyes now confirmed every word of it.

"Once you're done playing whatever game this is, what's supposed to happen to Rachel? What's she going to do when her boyfriend dumps her after regionals, and she has no one to turn to?" He asked her, self-righteous anger still intact, "You cannot just _use_ children like this!"

"You don't give a damn about Rachel," She said, this time with genuine anger. "You don't care that her teammates treat her like crap – "

"They're just kids – " Will tried to interject.

"Or that she isn't happy at McKinley – "

"She's sixteen – "

"The only reason you want her back is because you know you don't have chance at regionals without her!" Shelby finally yelled, breaking her composure and standing up at her desk to stare him in the eye. "So get off your goddamn high horse."

"I am not going to let you get away with this," He told her in a low voice, which was probably meant to sound threatening.

"I'm pretty sure I already have," Shelby told him, walking over to her office door and holding it open for him. "But good luck with that," She added as an afterthought just to piss him off. For a long moment he remained where he was, glowering at her. She didn't move giving him a practiced look of indifference that she knew would make him angrier, until finally he stalked over to the door.

Before he stepped across the threshold he paused and turned to look her dead in the eye, "This isn't over."

Shelby smirked. "I'll see you at regionals," She told him politely, holding his gaze until he finally looked away and walked out of the door. The moment he was in the hallway she slammed her office door behind him and let out a long, calming breath. She decided right then and there that regardless of what happened between her and Rachel she would not let her daughter return to McKinley High School. If Rachel didn't want to stay at Carmel Shelby had connection within some of the best schools in the state, more than a few of them had tried to recruit her at one point or another. She was certain that she could get Rachel into any school she wanted. Shelby walked back around her desk and sat down heavily in her chair. It was strange how easily someone could go from being attractive to repulsive in the course of one conversation. It just reconfirmed for her how horrible her taste in men is.

Feeling restless she pushed her chair away from her desk and left her office, taking the quickest path possible down to the admissions office. It didn't take her very long to locate Rachel's student file and return to her office. She felt her heart speed up when she glanced over her daughters schedule and saw that she was going to be in her music class next period. Looking up at the clock on her wall she found that there was only 10 minutes left in the lunch period. She quickly scanned through the file and copied down all of Rachel's contact information before returning it to the admissions office. Once that was done she went straight to her classroom and started setting up, waiting for class to begin.

* * *

**A/N part 2:** In case anyone is wondering, I based most of the inner workings of Carmel on my own High school experiences. At my school Seniors and Juniors could act as student assistants for teachers. Also, I had 8 classes that were each about 1 hour 45 minutes long, so it would be periods 1-4 on Monday then 5-8 on Tuesday and so on.

Don't forget to review.


	8. 4th Period

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait, and thank you for all the birthday wishes. If any of you live in California, I highly recommend going to see 'In the Heights' at the Pantages. It's a great show. As for the chapter, I have never personally taken a music class, and I have no real knowledge of technical musical terms, so forgive any mistakes I made in this chapter.

**4th period**

It took them ten minutes to get from Carmel to the mall. Rachel nervously looked around the truancy officers the moment she got out of the car. Leaving campus to eat was not something she had ever been invited to do back when she was at McKinley and she'd never had the nerve to leave campus by herself. She simply got into the habit of bringing a vegetarian lunch to school with her (the one served in the cafeteria was hardly edible).

While her attention was turned towards the parking lot Jesse walked around the car and slipped his arm around her shoulders, giving her a look that told he knew exactly what she was doing. "Relax. We do this all the time, not once in the four years that I've attended Carmel have I gotten in trouble for going off campus." He pulled her in close to his shoulder and together they walked across the parking lot, with Oliver and Kendra talking in hushed voices somewhere behind them.

Once they were inside the mall the other two caught up, walking on either side of Jesse and Rachel. "Jeez, Jesse, are you her respirator or something? Give the girl some room to breathe; you're getting your smarm all over her." Ollie said with outrage, as though he just couldn't hold it in any longer. Jesse chuckled, stepping away from Rachel with his hands raised in surrender. Ollie immediately moved in to take Jesse vacated place at her side, slipping a friendly arm around her shoulders. Rachel glanced over at Jesse about to protest that she really didn't mind him staying close, but Ollie's next words stopped her short, "So Rachel, tell me about yourself. I want to know everything."

"Everything?" she asked with slight disbelief. Naturally, she had a three part autobiography of her life posted on her myspace page, but she decided to give Oliver the condensed version she had been working on. Without waiting for his reply she began, "Well, it all started two years before I was born, when my fathers first decided that their family would not be complete without a child. Now, obviously, they couldn't have a baby together and most adoption agencies at the time were too closed minded to seriously consider letting two gay men adopt a child. They came up with lots of excuses for why they couldn't have a child, and my dads realized that they would never get their baby through normal routes, so in a moment of pure inspiration Daddy came up with the idea that they should be looking for a surrogate instead. Not just any woman, mind you, they were looking for someone with beauty and…" Rachel told it as though she were retelling a well known story, and Jesse imagined that her fathers had probably told it to her like a fairytale when she was younger. Ollie seemed completely captivated by the tale, which was Jesse's first hint that something was up. He felt Kendra slip a hand into the crook of his elbow and slow their step until Ollie and Rachel were far enough away for the two of them to have a private conversation.

"So are you going to tell me what the deal is here?" Kendra asked, cutting to the chase.

Jesse ran a hand threw his hair, unsure how much to tell her. He decided to keep his answers as brief as possible. "Rachel and I met about a month ago at the music library."

"And what? The animal sweater just captivated you?" Kendra asked sarcastically.

Jesse shot her a warning look, but let the comment slide. "She has a really great voice."

"So do half the people you hang out with on a daily basis." She pointed out.

"Rachel is special."

"I'm sure," she said dismissively, "How about let's skip to the part where that prompted you to follow her to _McKinley high_."

"I really like her…" He figured it was worth a try, despite knowing that she would probably never buy it. "It's like Shelby said, I had some things I needed to work out of my system…" he was grasping for an excuse now to explain his uncharacteristic departure, "I just…wanted to see what it would be like to be normal for a bit…" he waited for her response, not needing to fake his discomfort about the revelation. He was glad when they came to an escalator so he didn't have to look her in the face. He could feel her eyes boring holes into the back of his head as they rode up until finally they were back on stationary ground again and she was able to face him.

"You honestly expect me to believe that?"

Jesse knew he was walking on thin ice here. Saying yes would be insulting her intelligence; saying no would be admitting that he had just lied to her. "For now?" he asked her pleadingly. If she set her mind to it Jesse was sure that she would probably be able to figure everything out a lot quicker than he had, so he was leveling with her. "I promise I'll tell you everything later, just not right now." She gave him a hard stare, considering it.

Finally she let out a labored sigh, "Fine." she said shortly, looking away from him with annoyed look on her face. Jesse pulled her into a tight bear hug that elicited a surprised laugh from her. "You're the best!" he told her as he let go. She punched him in the stomach, not too hard but not exactly soft either.

"Go and save Ollie from your girlfriend," She told him, trying hard to maintain her previous gruffness, "He looks just about ready to fling himself over that railing." Jesse looked over and nearly laughed at the exaggerated look of fascination on Ollie's face as Rachel talked to him. He walked forward and gently wrapped his arms around her from behind. She stopped talking mid sentence and smiled up at him. While she was distracted Oliver made his escape and shot Kendra a glare.

"Oh, look, we're here!" Kendra said loudly before Ollie could open his mouth to start complaining to her. He had been signaling to her for the last few minutes to interrupt, but she had been ignoring it. Without pausing she walked up to the Jamba juice, engaging the girl behind the counter in conversation in hopes that Ollie would be distracted. "What do you guys want to drink?" she asked when Rachel and Jesse came up behind them.

Jesse and Ollie ordered quickly, but Rachel came forward to ask the sales girl a torrent of questions about the nutritional values of each drink and the potential dairy content, "Do you have a menu of nutritional facts available? My diet doesn't allow milk, eggs, cheese – "

"Who would put cheese in a smoothie?" Kendra asked, picturing liquefied cheese being poured from a blinder. That sounded really disgusting.

"Don't knock it till you try it." Ollie told Kendra who pulled a face at the thought.

"I've been a vegetarian since I was 8-years-old, but lately I've been weaning myself off of dairy products as well, in an attempt at veganism." Rachel explained as her eyes scanned over the menu, "Avoiding milk based products has been significantly more difficult than I had originally anticipated. However, I'm certain that the change is manageable, and will only serve to further enrich my life and that of the cows." She told them before turning back to the counter and ordering the only non-dairy drink she could find. "I'll have the Super Yumberry smoothie, please." Ollie stared at Kendra with a hard look as if to say 'do you see what you put me through'. She sent an apologetic smile his way and then followed Jesse over to the table he had found for them.

"So, you still haven't told me how the three of you met." Jesse said as Rachel came to sit beside him, opposite Ollie and Kendra.

"It seems my general sense of navigation did not transfer with me from McKinley. I'd gotten completely turned around in my attempt to locate Mr. West's class. After a few failed attempts at asking for directions I approached Kendra and Oliver and they were kind enough to offer their assistance." She beamed at them both with a friendly smile. "I would probably still be wandering those halls right now if it weren't for them."

"Yup. We helped!" Ollie said, leaning back in his chair with a smirk on his face. The 'so, there!' was implied.

"Funny, I don't recall either of you being the helpful sort." Jesse said dryly, looking back and forth between them.

"Sure we are." Kendra said with exaggerated cheerfulness. "Besides, I was feeling charitable, and she just looked so lost and confused,"

"Like Bambi." Ollie supplied.

"Like Bambi. We couldn't just leave her there." Kendra explained. Rachel couldn't tell if that was supposed to be an insult or not. She decided to take it as a compliment. After all, Bambi was a beloved Disney character, and on the list of horrible names she had been called over the years it fell pretty far down on the list. "So, Rachel, are you planning on trying out for Vocal Adrenaline?"

"Yes." Ollie answered for her wryly, apparently having learned a lot from his crash course on the life of Rachel Berry.

"If Coach Corcoran will allow me to audition, I would be honored to be a part of Vocal Adrenaline," Then eagerly she added, "Any tips you guys could give would be invaluable to me in improving my technique during the audition process. I've managed to narrow my repertoire of song choices down to a top ten list, but it's seems impossible for me to shorten the list any further. They're all great songs; it's gotten to the point where I am simply going by luck and my own personal opinion." Rachel said, sounding slightly breathless towards the end.

After a short pause Kendra suggested, "Well for starters, you should definitely avoid caffeine."

"And anything from Les Miserables." Ollie offered

"God, yes!" Kendra agreed. "I don't understand why so many people suddenly think they can pull off 'I dreamed a dream'. If I ever see Susan Boyle walking down the street I'm going to punch her in the face."

"If I have to listen to another person butcher 'On My Own' I'm going to kill myself." Oliver opined.

"Or whoever's singing it." Rachel gulped, looking slightly shaken by these comments. 'On my own' was the current favorite song for the audition.

"Avoid Les Miz." Jesse agreed.

"You guys remember that freshman last semester who tried to do 'Out Tonight'?" Kendra said with a sympathetic laugh.

"That was painfully bad." Jesse told Rachel, "She was stiff as a board and scared to death. Shelby finally took pity on her about a quarter in and told her to stop."

"You might want to avoid 'Rent' as well." Oliver told her. "It's been done to death." That was two more numbers marked off her list.

"So…you guys get to watch the auditions?" Rachel asked nervously. She had been imagining that the audition would be like it was at McKinley with just her and Shelby in the room.

"It's required. Shelby likes to have our support when bringing in new members, so we watch the auditions and vote." Kendra explained. "The decision is ultimately hers, but she rarely goes against the team vote."

Rachel swallowed hard, altering the picture in her mind to include the entirety of Vocal Adrenaline in the audience as she sang. "It won't be that bad." Jesse assured her, putting an arm around her. "They will vote for you if you can sing, and you can most definitely sing."

"Yeah, it's not like you've had time to get on anyone's bad side yet." Oliver told her, completely missing the look that passed between Kendra and Jesse as he said it. Rachel nodded trying to convince herself that what they were saying was true.

"I'm going to go check on the drinks." Kendra said, standing up and walking over to the counter.

"If you're as good as Jesse says you are you'll be fine." Ollie said helpfully.

"I am a good singer. I'm a great singer!" Rachel said with more self assurance than she actually felt, "I have been preparing for an audition like this since I was four years old and…" Oliver looked distractedly over her shoulder, having already heard more of Rachel's life story than he wanted to for one day. Over by the Panda Express line a girl caught his eye.

He stood abruptly and pushed in his chair, "Excuse me for a moment."

Rachel watched him walk away with a slightly puzzled look on her face. "He does that sometimes." Jesse explained as they saw him strike up a conversation with a girl in a really short skirt.

Rachel shot a look over at Kendra, who wasn't paying any attention. "He hits on other girls?" She asked incredulously.

Jesse gave her a confused look, "Oliver and Kendra aren't dating. He does have a girlfriend, but I don't think they're exclusive."

"I know I've only known them for a few hours, but I could swear their relationship was a lot more intimate than just friendship. I mean, they always seem to be touching each other or he has his arm around her or something, and I haven't seen them apart…maybe the transition into a new environment has thrown off my perspicacity." Rachel said pensively, still looking back and forth between Kendra and Oliver.

"Actually you're right on target. Ollie and Kendra are 'just friends'," He said the term with more significance than what was usually applied to it, using air quotes to emphasize his words, "Or more accurately Kendra is the 'best friend'. They've known each other since they were kids, grew up together. He is completely oblivious to the fact that she has feelings for him. He sees her the same way he did when they were nine." Jesse gave his friends a glance, "It's like a bad romantic comedy."

Rachel looked at them with this new insight. She caught the look of hurt and annoyance that flashed across Kendra's face when she noticed Oliver talking to another girl. She quickly hid it and turned back to the counter, grabbing the cup holder that carried their drinks, and walked back over to their table. "We should go if we're going to make it back to Carmel before lunch is over. We wouldn't want Rachel to be late on her first day." Her nonchalant tone was forced, something Rachel wouldn't have noticed before, but now seemed painfully obvious.

"I'll go get Casanova." Jesse said walking over and interrupting Ollie's conversation. Kendra made a joke about Oliver's inability to keep it in his pants for five minutes, but she couldn't stop her eyes from wandering toward Ollie and the girl he was talking to. Rachel was sure that she was wondering what that girl could possibly have that she didn't. Rachel herself had wondered it a few times back at McKinley.

The drive back to the school felt longer than it actually was. Oliver couldn't help bragging about getting the mall girl's number and Rachel's heart went out to Kendra. She knew very well what it was like to be around a guy who couldn't see her for the person she was. Seeing the way Kendra's hands were clenching the steering wheel, Rachel finally interrupted him mid-sentence to ask about what other fun places to visit near Carmel high. Kendra looked at her in the rearview mirror for a second with an unreadable look in her eyes and then began pointing out some of the hangout spots they passed on the way back to the school. Rachel tried to listen intently, but her mind kept straying to Carmel and trying to figure out what she should expect from Coach Corcoran when she got there. When they pulled into the parking lot there were still about ten minutes to go until class started.

Stepping out of the car Rachel froze, spotting a familiar figure. Marching his way across the parking lot to his car was Mr. Schue wearing a supremely pissed off look on his face. Rachel didn't know what to think. Why was he here? What possible reason could Mr. Schue have for turning up at Carmel High School today? That was obvious. He was there because of her, but who had he spoken to that had gotten him so angry? The answer hit her one second after the question did.

"I'll meet you guys inside," She called over her shoulder, not pausing to explain what she was doing. Within a few seconds she had crossed the parking lot, and was close enough that Mr. Schue could hear her. "Mr. Schue?" He whipped around like he had just been stung by a bee. Catching sight of Rachel he closed his car door and waited for her to get closer. "What are you doing here?"

"Rachel listen," He sounded a lot calmer than he looked and Rachel knew he must be making an heroic effort to check his temper, "I know you're upset – "

"No I'm not. In fact I was pretty happy until a few seconds ago. What are you doing here?" She asked again, staring into his face with confusion.

"Rachel, I don't know what Shelby Corcoran told you or offered you, but – "

"You spoke to Coach Corcoran about me?" She'd feared that was the case, "Why? What did you say to her?" All the possibilities raced through her mind, "Are you really so petty you feel the need to destroy my chances here because I left New Directions?" She felt tears prickling at the back of her eyes.

"Rachel, I didn't say anything bad about you." Mr. Schue took a step forward to place a hand on her shoulder but Rachel stepped back, out of reach. "Rachel, they're using you. She recruited you here to help her win regionals and sabotage New Directions, and the moment you outlive your usefulness they are going to kick you aside."

Rachel shook her head in disbelief, "Like new directions did? Don't worry, I'm used to it." She was about to walk away when his next question stopped her.

"Why did you leave?"

She looked at him for a moment considering whether or not to answer. She tried to compose herself before turning back to face him, "I just got back from the mall with some of my new classmates." She said calmly, "They were in the mood to get a smoothie and invited me to accompany them…" Mr. Schue looked like he wanted to interrupt but Rachel held up a hand to stave off the question. "Did you know that in the entire time I was at McKinley no one ever asked me out to have lunch with them? Every Friday Artie, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes would go off campus and have lunch together, and not once was I ever invited…even Finn, back when we were dating, would get embarrassed whenever I sat with him in the cafeteria when his friends were around." Her smile was bitter, "The only drinks I ever got at McKinley were the ones being thrown in my face. Do you really not understand why I left?"

"Why didn't you ever come to me?" He asked imploringly, as though somehow he would have been able to help.

"And say what? 'Mr. Schue, the other kids won't play with me'? What would you have done differently from all the other times I came to you with a problem?" her tone was harsh, "Are you really going to stand there and pretend that you didn't know what was going on? Like you've never seen students being dumped in trashcans or covered with slushies?"

"I didn't know things had gotten that bad…" That sounded weak even to him.

Rachel laughed, equal parts disbelief and anger, "Well, now you do." She told him. She turned away and walked back over to where Jesse was waiting for her by the door with a worried look on his face. Without pausing she stepped directly into his arms and he hugged her, looking at Mr. Schue climb into his car with a disturbed look on his face. After he had driven away Jesse led her into the school, where Ollie and Kendra were waiting for them. They looked at Rachel curiously, but let Jesse do the talking.

"What happened?" he asked her gently.

"It's nothing to worry about." She told him quietly, putting on a smile.

Rachel – "

"Really. It's fine." She didn't want to talk about this for fear that she might start crying if she did. That was the last thing she needed right now. Jesse nodded his head, looking like he really wanted to ask more questions, but thankfully he didn't press her on the issue.

"We should head to class." he said instead. Patience wasn't one of Jesse's strong points, but for now he was fully willing to give Rachel time to sort out her thoughts. Together they all walked down the hall, Rachel was too consumed with the fear that was bubbling up inside her to notice the way people seemed to step out of their way as they passed. Would Mr. Schue really say something horrible about her to Coach Corcoran? If it meant getting her to come back to McKinley, she had no doubt that he would. And if she didn't make it onto Vocal Adrenaline she didn't know what she would do with herself for the rest of the year. There was a good chance that she would end up back at McKinley, exactly like Mr. Schue wanted. Would Shelby give her a chance to prove herself or just take his word on it? If given the chance to audition her skills as a performer would stand on their own merit, but what if he said something about her personality? Rachel was very aware of the fact that she could be high maintenance at times, but she just wanted the best out of herself and her teammates. Coach Corcoran would respect that, wouldn't she? If Jesse, Oliver and Kendra were anything to go by her diva-ish tendencies would hardly stand out in Vocal Adrenaline. But what if they did? What if Coach Corcoran wasn't didn't want to deal with yet another teenaged prima donna? They rounded a corner and Rachel realized that they weren't far from Coach Corcoran's office, which probably meant that they weren't far from her classroom. She spotted a door nearby that practically had 'escape hatch' written all over it.

"I have to go to the bathroom." She said suddenly, pulling away from Jesse and making a B-line towards it.

"Um, Ok. I'll wait right here." He said amenably.

"No, you don't have to do that. Really." Rachel assured him, "The music room is right down the hall right?" she asked, taking a guess at it, "I don't want you to be late for class. I'll meet you guys there. Go ahead." She told them without giving him time to object.

"But Rachel – " Jesse started, looking perplexed.

"You guys go on." Kendra jumped in, going to stand beside Rachel, "I'll make sure she gets to class." She assured Jesse, who was looking thoroughly confused. Rachel gave her a grateful look.

"Um, ok, sure." He said slowly, watching as Rachel and Kendra both disappeared into the girl's bathroom.

"Isn't it weird how they always go together?" Ollie asked as Jesse continued to stare at the door, wondering what had just happened. Ollie glanced over at him and then put a hand on his shoulder, "I told you not to smoother her." he said sagely. Jesse gave him a dirty look but Ollie ignored it, steering his friend away from the bathroom door.

Rachel headed straight for the sinks and splashed cool water on her face. She needed to calm down. She hated not having control over the things that affected her, but for now it was all out of her hands. She couldn't go back and unsay whatever Mr. Schue had said, and she couldn't force Shelby Corcoran to give her a chance. The only thing she had control over was her own response to adversity, and Rachel was determined to handle it with as much grace as she could muster. She would not give Ms. Corcoran a reason to think of her as anything less than a model student and singer. She took a deep breath and released it, calming herself as best she could.

When she looked up into the mirror over the sink she saw Kendra staring at her. "Are you okay?" she asked cautiously.

"Absolutely," Rachel answered with forced confidence, "I just needed a moment to collect my thoughts. Thank you, for staying with me. I just need to – " Rachel stopped mid sentence as the door to the bathroom was pushed open and a girl wearing a yellow shirt and matching yellow heels walked in.

"Kendra!" She said happily, "Fancy meeting you here. I didn't see you at lunch today. Where were you?" she didn't seem to notice Rachel's presence so Rachel quietly stepped over to the paper towel dispenser to dry her face.

"Ollie was craving a smoothie, so we went to the mall." Kendra said with a measured tone.

"Oh, of course he was with you," She said it as though the thought hadn't occurred to her previously, "Miranda was looking all over for him."

"I'll be sure to pass that along when I see him." Kendra answered coolly.

"I'm sure they'll have no problem making up for lost time." The girl replied knowingly. And then without glancing at Rachel once she said, "You haven't introduced me to your friend." When Kendra didn't move to introduce them Rachel stepped forward, offering her hand.

"Hello, I'm Rachel Berry." The other girl looked down at her hand for just long enough to make Rachel feel silly for sticking it out before taking it into her own and lightly shaking it.

"Julia Thompson." She said pleasantly. "You're Jesse's new girlfriend right?"

Rachel couldn't believe that this girl had heard of her, "Yes, I am. How did you know that?" if the gossip mongers at Camel were anything like the ones at McKinley then the news had ample time to spread, but it was still surprising when someone you had never seen or heard of knew things about you.

Julia just laughed, not answering the question. "And you transferred from…" Julia looked at her outfit up and down before guessing, "Home school?"

"McKinley actually," Rachel got the feeling that she and Julia were not about to become friends, "My parents considered home school, but, while they recognize the benefits of Homeschooling as being superior for a child's over all intelligence and quality of learning, they felt that it would be detrimental to my social well being to be isolated from my peers in such a way. Plus, they both have incredibly busy schedules which would make the mechanics of actual homeschooling rather difficult."

"Ah." She said with amusement. Before she could continue with more questions Kendra butted in.

"We've really got to get to class." Kendra told her with feigned regret, "You know how Coach Corcoran hates tardiness." It hadn't even occurred to Rachel that this little detour might seriously make them late.

"You sing?" Julia asked, Rachel as though that clarified everything, ignoring Kendra's attempt to excuse them.

"I love singing," Rachel told her cautiously, looking over at Kendra for guidance, but getting none from the blank faced girl.

"Well, you can't tell me our Jesse doesn't have a 'type'," Julia said to Kendra like an in-joke that Rachel didn't understand. "I take it you'll be auditioning for Vocal Adrenaline then." She addressed Rachel again.

"Yes. I think there's a lot I could bring to the team." Rachel answered, feeling more self assurance now than she had all day. There was something about being challenged that motivated her in a way no pep talk ever could.

"Well, I can't wait to see your audition," Julia said with a sweet smile, "and I'm sure you'll have lots fun in Coach Corcoran's class. She's a great teacher."

Rachel put on her best fake smile and said, "It was nice meeting you." before Kendra grabbed her arm and steered her out of the bathroom. "What was that?" She asked as Kendra let go of her arm and walked down the hall quickly, "That was trouble." She said with a sigh, walking towards and open classroom door, and giving Rachel the distinct impression that this wasn't a conversation she wanted to have.

"Trouble?" Rachel asked nervously as they got to the door.

"With a capital 'T', and that rhymes with 'C', and that stands for Cun- "

"Kendra!" Shelby said disapprovingly as she glanced up from the papers on her desk, cutting off the tail end of the girl's colorful little rhyme.

"Cute!" Kendra exclaimed indignantly, walking further into the room towards her seat, "I was going to say 'Cute'." Behind her Rachel stepped through the doorway and Shelby seemed to forget about Kendra's presence entirely. When Rachel noticed the woman starring at her she stopped in her tracks, swallowing hard. A look of apprehension flickered across her face and Shelby wondered if Rachel was anywhere near as nervous as she was right now. The girl didn't really have a reason to be besides first day jitters, but she remained rooted to the spot, apparently lost for words. Shelby immediately felt the urge to ease her daughter's anxiety and stood up from her desk, walking forward and offering her hand. It was old fashioned, but it was something of a reflex for her when meeting new people.

"Hello, I'm Shelby Corcoran," She said, inserting as much warmth as she could into her voice without drawing attention from the other students.

Rachel's hand shot out to grasp hers, seemingly of it's on accord judging by the way Rachel looked down at it with surprise, "Rachel Berry," she introduced herself just as automatically, "It's nice to meet you." Shelby was very aware of the fact that this was the first time she had ever touched her daughter. The girls hand was smaller than hers and softer. She didn't want to let go. "I just transferred here from McKinley high school this morning and I'm in your fourth period music class, and it's fourth period now, so here I am," Rachel rambled. Before Shelby could reply she continued, "Um, you probably don't remember me, I snuck into your practice on Friday to see Jesse," Rachel cringed at her own words, apparently wanting to erase that memory as much as Shelby did, "Not 'snuck in', I didn't sneak in, I just got distracted and forgot to announce my presence, which I didn't properly apologize for at the time," Shelby realized that she had been holding the girls hand for longer than the average hand shake, but she didn't move to release it.

"Rachel - " She tried to interrupt.

"I'm sorry!" Rachel blurted out. Whether it was an apology for sneaking into the auditorium or rambling about it was unclear, but it was unnecessary either way.

"It's alright. You have nothing to be sorry for." Shelby assured her, encasing Rachel's hand between both of her own when she saw the blush that reddened the daughter's cheeks. "Do you have a paper for me to sign?" She decided that moving things back towards business and hopefully safer ground might make Rachel more comfortable. Rachel nodded her head, looking up into Shelby's face for a beat longer until Shelby realized that the reason she hadn't moved was because her hand was still wrapped around Rachel's. Standing this close felt like she was just begging for someone to look up and say 'hey, are you two related or something?', but, of course, they didn't. She let go and took a step back, casually glancing around the classroom and gratefully noting that everyone was distracted by their own loud conversations to notice her or the new girl.

Looking back down at Rachel she could see that the girl had also taken the moment she was distracted to try to compose herself. In her hand was the paper Shelby needed to sign, so she turned back to her desk and scrawled her signature, double checking that her daughter had everything in order, "You're missing a signature." She told Rachel, turning back around and pointing it out to her.

"I missed first period because I was registering for classes." She explained concisely before clamping her mouth closed with an audible click and fighting down the urge to say more. Shelby would have laughed if the girl weren't so obviously self-conscious about it.

Instead she handed her back the sheet of paper and asked, "Do you play any instruments?" If her hands were anything to judge by Shelby would guess no, but there was always a chance, and she wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to learn more about her daughter.

"I play a little piano, but my main passion is singing," After a second she quickly amended, "although I've had years of ballet training as well. I mean, I don't _just_ sing, I can also dance, AND _act, _and_…" _Rachel stopped herself with a embarrassed look on her face, "But as far as musical instruments go my main emphasis over the years has been on vocal training." She finished, quietly nodding to herself.

Shelby nodded back in understanding, allowing the rest of her class to continue socializing while she brought Rachel over to the piano. The girl had an amazing range, almost as large as Shelby's. Looking up at her from the piano bench as she sang, Shelby could almost pretend that this was the scene she had played out so many times in her head, with just her and her daughter bonding together over their love of music. She could almost pretend that she was sitting at the piano in her home and her daughter had just stopped by to visit her instead of sitting in a classroom filled with noisy teenagers and staring at a girl who thought she was a complete stranger. Technical she _was _a complete stranger.

She tested Rachel for a bit longer than was absolutely necessary. When Shelby finally said they were done Rachel hesitantly turned to walk away and then turned back, a look of indecision written clearly across her face. Shelby waited expectantly for her to say something, "Coach Corcoran…"

"Yes?" She prompted, with her heart beating just a little bit faster than normal. There was no way that Rachel could have figured out the truth during the five minutes since she walked into the classroom, but Shelby's brain couldn't convince her racing heart of that. The girl remained silent and Shelby took a step forward, briefly considering placing a hand on her shoulder but hastily dismissing the thought. She had no place trying to comfort Rachel, especially since the girl thought she was just her teacher. "Rachel?" She prompted, doing her best to keep the concern out of her voice.

"Nothing. Never mind." The girl said hurriedly, before turning away to go sit beside Jesse. Shelby watched her go, wondering what she was about to say, and why it was that her daughter seemed so hesitant to talk to her. From everything she knew about Rachel she wasn't a shy kid, so why did Shelby make her so nervous? Over the years she had earned and cultivated a reputation as a tough teacher, with the knowledge that it was much easier to start off as an authoritarian and become a friend over time than it was to start off as her student's friend and then become an authority figure, but in this instance it was working against her in a way she could have never anticipated. Her daughter was intimidated by her.

Shelby tore her eyes away from the girl and tried to push her emotions aside. This was not the time or place to worry about these things. Instead of yelling over the noise to get their attention Shelby clapped her hands loudly in a slow rhythm and watched as her students slowly picked it up, conversations dropping away as they all clapped in unison until she was certain that she had everyone's undivided attention. She passed out the new arrangement they would be practicing and went back to the piano. Although this class was intended for the general populace of Carmel over half of the students currently in her class were members of Vocal Adrenaline, which made the way Rachel's voice clearly rang out over the din even more impressive. Or maybe Shelby was just listening out of the sound of her daughter's voice. Either way, she was easily able to keep up with her classmates, and Shelby felt a swelling of undeserved pride at Rachel's abilities. It wasn't as though she'd had anything to do with her daughter's development into such a lovely singer, but knowing that she had done it on her own made Shelby feel just a little bit prouder. And much sadder. Had her fathers helped her learn how to harness that voice? From what she remembered of Hiram and Leroy neither one of them could hold a tune, so the chances were good that Rachel interest in singing had sprung up on its own.

For the next hour and forty five minutes she and her students went through the song. She re-arranged things where necessary, correcting students pitch as best she could and making sure the harmonies were actually harmonized. For the first time in a long while Shelby felt like her class went by too fast. She usually kept track of the time so that her students would have time to pack up before the bell rang, but she was so caught up in the lesson she didn't notice how late it was until the bell rang while they were in the middle of a song. She quickly wrapped things up, delivering a few hurried messages and promising that they would pick it up again on Wednesday before dismissing the class. Within about a minute the room was cleared of all but a few stragglers. Shelby noticed that Jesse and Rachel were still in the room having a hushed conversation. Her daughter glanced over at her and she busied herself with shuffling papers on her desk, hoping that Rachel hadn't seen her staring. When she looked back up Rachel was reassuring Jesse of something. She wasn't close enough to hear what they were saying, and she resisted the temptation to move closer. One of her non-Vocal Adrenaline students approached her with a question and Shelby tried to explain things as clarify things as best she could. There were plenty of teachers who catered their classes towards the students who participated in their after-school programs, treating the other kids in class as second class citizens. Shelby went out of her way to make sure that the students who weren't part of Vocal Adrenaline or naturally gifted singers were able to keep up in class, fully willing to spend time after school or in the morning going over things they hadn't quite mastered yet. When the girl finally left Shelby was surprised to find that she and Rachel were the only two people left in the classroom. The girl nervously stood up from her desk, fidgeting with a strand of hair as she approached.

"How has your first day been?" Shelby asked before Rachel could open her mouth to say anything. Rachel seemed surprised at Shelby's interest, and to be fair, Shelby usually wouldn't bother asking, but it seemed like a good way to break the ice between them and show Rachel that she had nothing to be afraid off.

"Um, it was fine. It was great, actually." Rachel amended more decisively, "I've already started making new friends. Oliver, Kendra, and Jesse invited me to the mall with them for lunch and –" Rachel clamped shut, looking suddenly guilty.

"It's okay!" Shelby assured her, "I'm fully aware of the fact that my students sometimes go off campus for lunch. So long as they don't do anything dangerous, and it doesn't make them late for class, I'm perfectly fine with it."

Rachel nodded in relief. She hesitated for a moment before saying, "And I ran into my old glee teacher, Mr. Schuester, in the parking lot when we got back…" she paused, unsure of how to go on. Shelby felt some of the anger from her earlier conversation with Will return. She couldn't believe that he had harassed Rachel in the parking lot! "He mentioned that he had spoken to you about me and – "

"You have nothing to worry about." Shelby interjected, trying to erase whatever doubts Schuester had planted in her mind, "Mr. Schuester was obviously upset, but he assured me that you are one of the best singers McKinley has ever had." She said kindly, mincing Will's words.

Rachel visibly relaxed, smiling lightly, and Shelby felt her own mouth twitch upward in response. "I have to say, that's a relief. I was afraid he might have said - " Rachel cut herself off, thinking better of telling her potential new coach all the bad things her old coach might have said about her. Clearing her throat she started again in a more formal way, "As Mr. Schue mentioned, I used to be a part of McKinley High's show choir, and while my departure wasn't as amicable as I would have liked, I think my contributions to the clubs overall performance speaks for itself. Having said that, I would very much appreciate the chance to audition for a spot on Vocal Adrenaline." Then she as an afterthought she added, "I know it's late in the year and most of the open spots for this semester have probably been taken – "

"Yes." Shelby told her.

Rachel's mouth hung open for a moment, and then she looked away, face falling, "Oh…Alright. I, um, I should get going. Thank you for your time." she said as she backed towards the door with tears building in her eyes.

Shelby stared at her bemusedly, wondering where this conversation had taken a wrong turn, "I said yes. You can audition." She told her soothingly, not even trying to keep the worry from her voice. She stepped from behind her desk to put less space between them. She wanted to reach out and touch her, but she didn't have the nerve to do it.

"I thought you meant 'yes, all the spots for this year are taken'." She explained, still sounding unsure of herself.

"No! they're not. Actually, one of my second year girls broke her leg last month." Shelby explained quickly.

"That's great!" Rachel said happily, with a relieved laugh. Then realizing how callous that sounded she amended, "Not that one of your students breaking her leg is great, just the fact that I can audition. Her leg is going to be ok, right?" Rachel asked with earnestly.

"Yes, she's expected to make a full recovery." Shelby told her reassuringly.

Rachel nodded her head seriously, "...so I can audition?" She asked again, trying to keep the smile off her face.

"Absolutely." Shelby said with an encouraging smile.

"Excellent! I have a number of songs prepared for exactly this occasion," Rachel said, snapping immediately into business mode, "Oliver and Kendra helped me to eliminate some choices and narrow down my top ten list of songs." Shelby could easily imagine how that conversation had gone, "I think I've chosen the perfect one, not too common but not completely obscure either. They also told me that the whole team had to be there when I auditioned, so would you like me to accompany you to auditorium now? Or should I wait until after your practice is over and just observe till then? Or I could just go home and come back later if you like?" she asked readily, fully prepared to audition on the spot.

Shelby appreciated the enthusiasm, but knew that it was in both of their best interests to hold off on it for now. "Actually, today isn't a good day to audition…Why don't we wait till Wednesday? I want you to have all the time you need to prepare your songs."

"I'm ready whenever you are, though I suppose I could use the extra time to perfect my delivery…did you say songs? As in multiple?" She asked confused

"You're allowed to perform two songs in your audition." Shelby clarified. Rachel's eyes widened with the possibilities, and if possible she looked even more excited than she had a few seconds ago. It was fascinating to see someone run such a wide gambit of emotions within such a short conversation. Shelby didn't know where Rachel got the energy for it.

"This changes everything!" She said exclaimed, running down a long list of potential songs, some of which Shelby was surprised she'd even heard of. She was practically bouncing with pent up energy. "I should go start preparing." She said more to herself than Shelby.

"Good luck, Rachel." She said softly, calling the girls attention back to the room she was standing in. She wished that she could help her get ready for the auditions, but even if Rachel did know the truth that still wouldn't be an option. She didn't want there to be doubt in anyone's mind, including Rachel's, that she had gotten her place in Vocal Adrenaline on her own merits.

Rachel sent her a wide grin, "Thank you, Coach Corcoran. I promise you won't regret this." She said sincerely.

Shelby watched her walk out the door and heard her talking excitedly to Jesse, who must have been waiting in the hall this entire time. She smiled to herself when she heard Rachel laugh happily. Once she heard the two of them walk away she went to her office and closed the door. Taking out her cell phone she dialed the second contact number she had found in Rachel's records. She had been debating which of the two Berry men to call, but it hadn't taken her long to decide. She felt her heart beating somewhere around her throat as the phone rang. Around the sixth ring she was just about ready to give up and try the other number when a man answered.

"Hello?"

Shelby opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. A cowardice part of her mind was screaming at her to just hang up. It wasn't too late. She didn't have to do this right now. What if they did decide to just pull Rachel out of school the moment Shelby told them that she worked at Carmel? She could be forfeiting whatever little time she might have had with her daughter. Maybe Rachel wouldn't bring up Shelby's name to her fathers for a while. Thinking about the loquacious girl who had just left her classroom Shelby knew that was an impossibility. Rachel seemed like the sort of kid who would have no problem with telling her parents every detail of her day when they sat around the dinner table at night. "Hello?"

Closing her eyes and swallowing down her fear Shelby answered, "Leroy Berry? This is Shelby Corcoran calling…"

* * *

**A/N part 2:** If anyone has any suggestions on what songs Rachel should sing during her audition, I'd love to hear it.


	9. Happiness

**A/N:** Over 300 reviews? You guys are seriously amazing. It makes me happy every time I get one, and it makes me write faster. On that note, I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I'm pretty sure this chapter is longer than the last to make up for it. My Glee muse seemed to abandon me for a few days, but luckily it came back. I really want to know what you guys think of this chapter, especially Leroy and Hiram, so click that review button at the bottom of the page when your done reading.

**Happiness**

"Hello?"

Closing her eyes and swallowing down her fear Shelby answered, "Leroy Berry? This is Shelby Corcoran calling." There was silence on the other end of the phone for long enough that Shelby began to wonder if she had been disconnected. "…Hello…?"

"Shelby? Is that really you?" He sounded like he couldn't believe his own ears. He had probably never expected to hear from her again. "What…Why…?" Her partially rehearsed response was on the tip of her tongue. She was ready to explain everything, but something stopped her before the words could leave her lips. "Is everything ok?" It was a standard question, but hearing those words triggered long buried memories of the handsome African American man who had held her hand all throughout the pregnancy, always concerned about her own well being as well as the baby's. She couldn't have this conversation with him over the phone. He deserved better than that.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" she replied automatically, as though this was just another one of his calls to check up on her and the baby that had long since left her belly. "Um, actually, I was wondering if you would have lunch with me?" She knew that she probably should have prefaced that with something, but she was completely off-script now.

"You're in Lima?" he finally asked, confused and surprised.

"Yes. Look, I know you're probably busy and all, but it's really important that I talk to you…today." She could sense his reticence through the phone and she didn't blame him. "Just name the time and place and I'll be there." There was silence again on the line.

"Shelby," his tone told her he was going to try to come up with an excuse.

"Leroy please," she cut him off. "I promise I'll explain everything to you when I see you, but it's really important that we talk."

"You can't just tell–"

"No. It needs to be in person," she repeated adamantly, knowing that if he pushed her to tell him over the phone then she would give in. She had given him no reason to agree to meet with her other than the pseudo-friendship they had formed over a decade ago when she was carrying his child, but apparently that was enough.

"Alright," he sighed. "Can you meet me in 30 minutes?" He asked, giving her the address to a restaurant across the street from the hospital where he worked.

"Absolutely." She would have to cancel Vocal Adrenaline's practice for the afternoon and probably break a few traffic laws, but in this case that was perfectly acceptable. "I'll see you there." She told him gratefully.

"Yeah…" There was awkward silence in which a hundred questions went unasked. "Goodbye." Shelby silently thanked him for his restraint as the line disconnected and she deflated like a balloon into her chair. She should have prepared for this better. She'd gotten so caught up thinking about Rachel and her feeling that she hadn't given a second thought to what she would say to the girl's fathers. She rubbed a hand across her forehead in exhaustion and looked over at the clock. There was no time to sit here and come up with a plan for what she was going to say. She would have to wing it and hope for the best. She hurriedly took out her cell phone and sent out a mass text to all of the kids in Vocal Adrenaline, telling them that practice was canceled for today. Almost immediately her phone started buzzing with replies, but she didn't bother to check any of them. Complaint or confirmation, she really didn't care either way.

It took her 35 minutes to get to the restaurant. She hated being late, but in this case there had been no avoiding it. Walking into the restaurant it only took her a few seconds to spot Leroy sitting at a corner table near the window. He looked exactly the same as she remembered him, and she fleetingly wondered if he would think the same of her. He glanced over at the door, catching sight of her and causing her to unstick her feet from the carpet and move towards the table. He rose from his chair as she approached, ever the gentleman. "Leroy." She said in greeting, a fond smile pulling at her lips despite the circumstances. She stopped beside the chair opposite him, neither of them quite sure how to greet the other.

"Shelby." He finally settled on simple returning her greeting and nodding his head towards the chair beside her, indicating that she should sit. "You look great. Did you keep up with the diet?"

Shelby laughed, relieved to feel a bit of the tension between them eased, "God no." As soon as she had officially become pregnant they had put her on a very strict diet which precluded most of the fatty foods she loved to eat at the time. As she got older a lot of it had been replaced with healthier items, but she was still nowhere near as good about her nutrition as Dr. Leroy Berry thought she should be. It had become a running joke throughout her pregnancy that she never would have agreed to be a surrogate if she knew they were going to force her to be healthy. "You look good as well. How have you been?" she asked him seriously, part of her genuinely curious while the other part was still trying to figure out a way to broach the topic they had come here to discuss.

"Great. Everything is great. I removed a brain tumor from a nine-year-old girl yesterday, Hiram is up for a promotion to partner at the firm," he said proudly, more willing to boast his husbands accomplishments than his own, "And Rachel is…doing well." The strain from earlier descended on them like a thickening cloud, blocking out the sun and ending the light portion of their conversation. "When did you get back to Lima?" he asked, sensing where this conversation was headed and attempting to change the subject.

She allowed the distraction, "Actually, I've been here for a while now," She looked down at the table, "A little under five years." There was honest surprise on his face, but that was expected. She'd bought a plane ticket to New York the day after she was released from the hospital, after giving birth to Rachel. The Berry's hadn't seen or heard from her since.

"I thought you were going to go and rock the theater world forever. Why did you come back?" It was a loaded question, but Shelby decided to answer it honestly.

"As often happens, life did not work out as planned. I made it onto a couple of off-Broadway shows, but none of them ever went any further than that, and my career never picked up the way I'd expected it to," she admitted with a shrug. There was acceptance in her tone that didn't dull the ache in her heart.

"I'm sorry," he told her with sincere regret in his voice and his eyes. He knew, probably better than anyone else, how much she had wanted the life of a Broadway star. Enough to give birth to a beautiful baby girl and then give her away, just for the chance at perusing her dream.

She nodded her head in acceptance, "Anyway, around five years ago my dad got sick and needed my help, so I moved back here," she tried to keep her voice light and even. There was no point in getting worked up about something that she had laid to rest a long time ago.

Years of medical training prompted him to ask, "Sick?"

"Cirrhosis." Shelby explained tiredly. Her father had owned a bar in Lima, Ohio, since before she was born. He had always been a drinking man but after her mother died when she was 18 he had started drinking more heavily. As it turned out, her mother had been the glue that held their family together and without her to balance out their stubbornness Shelby and her father had quickly become estranged. She hadn't told him when she agreed to become a surrogate for the Berry's, she'd barely stopped to say goodbye the night before she hoped on a plane to New York, and beside the occasional birthday or holiday she didn't speak to him for nearly ten years. The only reason Shelby had even found out about him being sick was because Charlie Harrison, the man who had been helping her father run things for years, called and told her about his diagnosis. She had been pissed. At her father for not calling and telling her, at herself for not keeping in closer contact with her dad, and at Charlie for being closer to her dad than she was. She had been pissed at all of them, and pissed at the world, but that didn't stop her from quitting her job, selling her apartment, and moving back home. In truth it hadn't really been all that hard, leaving New York. Ten years in that city and she'd had next to nothing to show for it. Nothing that she felt was worth staying for at least. Nothing that was more important than her family. "He died a few months after I got back." As hard as it had been Shelby knew that she wouldn't trade those last few months for anything. Despite their stubbornness they had been able to reconcile most of their differences by the time her father passed.

The only things that still tore at Shelby's conscience was the fact that her father had died without ever knowing that he had a granddaughter. At the time she had told herself that it wouldn't be fair to tell a dying man that he had a granddaughter he would never get to know or see. Hell, Shelby hadn't even known her little girl's name at the time. Rachel. Rachel was her name. Rachel was the reason she was here. She pushed away thoughts of her past and focused, "So, like I was saying, I moved back here about five years ago," she forced the words out quickly before she lost her courage, "And I got a job teaching…at Carmel high school." He stared at her, frozen in surprise with a glass of water hovering halfway between his mouth and the table, forgotten. She waited, allowing that news to sink in and the pieces of the puzzle to fall into place. It was out there now in the ether. There was no taking it back.

He really did have the bearing of a doctor, Shelby realized. She suddenly felt like she was sitting in a waiting room, awaiting devastating news that she was almost certainly unprepared for. Shelby tried to steel herself to whatever his reaction might be. He brought the cup back down to the table, withdrawing his hand from it slowly. "You met her?" he asked quietly, the look on his face unreadable.

"She was in my music class about an hour ago," His heavy expression didn't change, and she tried to reassure him, "I didn't tell her anything…and she didn't recognize my name." They obviously hadn't told Rachel anything about her, which hurt a little, she had to admit.

Something akin to relief crossed his face, "Thank you," he told her, and Shelby felt her stomach twist into a tighter knot.

"But, she did approach me after class." Shelby added quickly, "I coach the school's show choir, Vocal Adrenaline, and Rachel asked me if she could join. She seemed really eager," relief was replaced by worry on Leroy's face. "I told her that she would have to wait until Wednesday to audition. I wanted to give you and Hiram time to figure out what to do."

"Right…" he said softly, staring down at his hands and obviously trying to think over his options. After a few seconds of silence he looked back up at her distractedly, "Don't worry, we'll pull her out –"

"No!" Shelby exclaimed a bit too loudly. Leroy looked startled and Shelby pitched her voice lower as people around them glanced over at their table, "What I meant to say is, that's not necessary…" she tried to cover her outburst, "from what I could tell Rachel seemed really happy at Carmel, I mean, she's already started making new friends, and she has her boyfriend, Jesse, and she seems to be adjusting well to the new environment. I don't want her to have to switch schools again, because of me," she told him reasonably.

"What other choice do we have?" He asked her, confused about what she was implying, "I mean, we can't ask you to quit your job." Shelby was glad that he thought that idea was just as ridiculous as she did.

"Right. Absolutely not," she agreed that wasn't an option, "But…Rachel…" she tried to order her thoughts into grammatical sense, "it seems to me that Rachel is a very smart girl. Mature. Good head on her shoulders." Leroy nodded his head in agreement. "So…why not let her make the decision for herself?" she asked lightly, watching Leroy's reaction closely. He paused, realization lighting his eyes before he looked away from her uncomfortably and glanced out the window. She could see the denial forming on his lips so she pushed on, "If there is one thing that I've noticed in my time working with teenagers it is that more often than not they are underestimated. Their parents expect them to act like adults, lay ton's of responsibility on their shoulders, but whenever any significant decision about their lives need to be made they are once again treated like children, told to sit in the corner quietly and let the grownups handle it. It's why they constantly feel so powerless and unhappy with their own lives. By keeping them in the dark, not letting them at least attempt to make their own choices, you do them a disservice."

"Rachel doesn't need more upheaval in her life right now," he said, rejecting the idea without further consideration.

"And you think forcing her to switch schools twice in as many days is going to reduce that?" she asked him, using his own logic.

"Shelby,"

"She a smart kid, you said that yourself," Shelby reasoned with him, trying to get her point through, "Do you honestly think she isn't capable of deciding what she wants in this situation?" She knew that she was showing too many of her cards, but she didn't imagine her intentions were all that difficult to figure out in the first place. "I mean…if she's happy with her life the way it is, with not knowing who I am, then you know I won't interfere, but if she's not – " A sharp beeping cut her off mid sentence, and Leroy pulled a pager out of his pocket, glancing down out the screen and then back up at her.

"I have to go," he told her, with an unmistakable hint of relief in his voice. Shelby had no doubt that he was happy to get away from this conversation, knowing how uncomfortable it made him to be in a position where he had to tell someone something they didn't want to hear. It had been part of the reason why she had chosen to talk to him instead of Hiram. He pushed back his chair and stood up, "Thank you for coming to me with this," he told her awkwardly, "…Hiram and I are going to have a lot to talk about."

"Leroy…" there was so much left to say, arguments to be made. It felt like she had only just begun the conversation, and already her time was up.

He rested a hand on her shoulder. "It was good seeing you again Shelby," he told her with a tight smile, before walking out of the restaurant, leaving her sitting there.

She closed her eyes, slumping down in her chair. It hadn't gone as badly as it could have, there was no yelling or accusations, but it hadn't exactly gone well either. Over the past few weeks she had convinced herself that Rachel needed a mother figure in her life, but apparently Leroy didn't agree. What if he was right and this was all just her being selfish? Foisting her own needs and longing onto Rachel, when the girl was perfectly content without her. Even if Rachel was told the truth and given the choice to stay at the school her mother worked at, Shelby wasn't certain that the girl would choose to stay or chose to reach out to her. When she left McKinley she hadn't signed on for this. And there was always the chance that Rachel was genuinely better off without her. Without the added drama of having to figure out a relationship with the woman who had given her up as a child. What did Shelby really have to offer? As much as she wanted Rachel in her life, the one thing she wanted more than that was for her daughter to be happy. Even if that didn't include her.

Leroy walked back across the street to the hospital, not seeing the road beneath his feet and hearing nothing but the conversation he'd just had with Shelby Corcoran playing over and over in his mind. Shelby Corcoran. A woman he never thought he would see again. The woman who had given him and his husband a beautiful baby girl and then quietly vanished from their lives forever. She was supposed to be off following her dreams. She was supposed to fade away and become a distant memory, a fairytale for them to tell their daughter when she asked about her mother. Instead she sat in a restaurant not 30 feet behind him, and apparently worked at the school that Rachel now attended.

He had been shocked to hear her voice on the other end of the phone after 15 years of silence. The last time they had spoken had been in the hospital room just after she had given birth to Rachel, and even then he had been too distracted by his brand new daughter to say more than a few words to the woman who had just given birth to her. The next day he went to the maternity ward to discovery that she had checked herself out of the hospital, without a word. He had assumed that it was her way of gracefully bowing out of the picture, and he had been grateful for it. She had given him and his husband the baby they had always wanted, one who was finally theirs and theirs alone, and the 30,000 dollars they had paid her so she could go pursue her dreams in New York seemed like the least they could do for her. That is part of the reason why he had agreed to meet with her. That and curiosity.

Her revelation about working at Rachel's school had been entirely out of left field. Whatever he had been expecting her to say, it hadn't been that.

Shaking his head to clear his mind he went upstairs to the third floor in order to check up on his patient and talk to the nurse in charge before retreating to his office. He found himself pacing back and forth, unable to sit still for more than a few seconds. Rachel had met Shelby. She didn't know that Shelby was her mother, but still. Rachel had met Shelby. He wondered what she would think if she knew the truth. If they told her that Shelby Corcoran was her mother what would be Rachel's reaction? He would like to pretend that the thought had never occurred to him before, but there had been moments when he and Hiram felt completely out of their league when he had wondered if Rachel wouldn't be better off with a mother figure in her life. If maybe she would be happier if she had a mom instead of two dads. It wasn't something he thought about often, or for long periods of time, but it was the type of lingering thought that would hit him every time he heard his daughter up in her room crying about something with which he had no experience. But all parents had doubts like that at one point or another didn't they? The only reason he was even considering these things now was because something that Shelby said had struck a chord with him. She'd said that if Rachel was happy she wouldn't interfere. _If_ Rachel was happy…normally it wouldn't have bothered him, but after being exposed to the sort of bullying Rachel had faced at McKinley for the first time that weekend he wondered exactly how happy Rachel really was.

He had always thought of his daughter as a happy and well adjusted girl. She had her quirks, he realized, and he knew very well that she was unusually driven for someone so young, but with a lawyer and a doctor as parents who wouldn't be? She was a member of half the clubs in her school, she'd known what she wanted to be when she grew up since she was four, and she got excellent grades. Perhaps it was because he was her father and he couldn't imagine anyone not liking his little girl, but he'd always figured that Rachel had plenty of friends at school. He knew that there were bullies of course, and kids who wouldn't like her on principle because she had two gay dads, but she hardly ever complained about being picked on, and when she did she made it sound as though it were no big deal. His perspective had shifted when she showed them her locker, covered in hateful slurs and degrading terms, not just about him and Hiram but about her as well. Then she had begged them to allow her to transfer to Carmel High School and he fully realized that this was not just a onetime thing. His daughter was strong willed, thick skinned, and incredibly loyal. For her to ask them to allow her to switch schools, even if it meant abandoning her friends and her glee club, then he knew that it must be serious.

Over the years he had tried not to worry about the fact that he didn't really know Rachel's friends. He had, at times, wondered if was because she was a little bit embarrassed about her fathers being gay, but he knew that was ridiculous. Rachel loved her parents and was very proud of Leroy and Hiram both. He convinced himself that the real reason he hadn't met any kids from Rachel's school was because he spent most of his time working at the hospital, and it didn't really matter anyway because he and Hiram trusted Rachel to decide who she should and should not associate with. Now he wondered if Rachel's relationships at school were really all that close to begin with. She spent a lot of time with the kids in her glee club, but the only ones he had ever met were the dopey football player, Finn, whom Rachel had been infatuated with, and the other dopey football player, Noah, who Rachel had also briefly dated. However, she showed no hesitance at the idea of leaving them both behind. So what did it say about his daughter, that she had no relationships at McKinley important enough to her to give her pause when she decided to leave? Was Rachel happy?

Leroy knew that he would run himself into the ground thinking about this if he stayed in his office, so he paged a friend and asked him to cover his patients for him, claiming that he had a family emergency to take care of, which wasn't exactly a lie. Walking out to his car he called his husband and asked the other man to meet him for lunch at a quiet little sushi place he knew was Hiram's favorite, which probably immediately tipped the other man off that there was something going on. Once they had been seated and served Leroy toyed with his food, covertly studying his husband in a way he hoped was subtle, but apparently was not.

"What's wrong," Hiram finally asked, putting down his chop sticks and looking up at Leroy as though he had been waiting for his husband to break the ice but couldn't take the staring any longer.

"It's…" Leroy tried to think of a way to raise the subject, but he still hadn't figured one out, "Nothing," he finally decided, ducking his head and pretending to take a great interest in stuffing his mouth with food.

"Clearly it's not 'nothing'," Hiram said, trying to get him to spit it out. When his husband continued staring at his plate, and subsequently ignoring him, he pressed on, "Do you know how I know it's not 'nothing'? You called me in the middle of the day, which is not in itself strange, but then you demanded that I come and have lunch with you, which is also not entirely unprecedented, but once you add to it the fact that you chose one of _my_ favorite restaurants – one that you_ hate_, by the way – and I begin to think that there has to be _something _going on. Then we get here and you say a whole lot of nothing, which leads me to believe it's a _big_ 'something' that you think I'm gonna react badly to, so you're trying to figure out a way to tell me." Leaning back in his chair he folded his arms. "The evidence speaks for itself."

Staring at him with an exaggeratedly dreamy look on his face, Leroy told him "I love it when you talk all lawyer-ly to me."

"Leroy," Hiram tried to sound stern which only encouraged his husband to mock him some more.

"No, really, Matlock has nothing on you,"

"Have we stepped back into the 80's?" Hiram asked, unfolding his arms.

"Move aside Sherlock Holmes, _Hiram Berry_ is on the case."

"Sherlock Holmes wasn't a lawyer."

"But he would kill to have you skills of deduction."

"Does it frustrate you to constantly aim at humor and miss so dramatically?" Hiram asked, unfolding his arms and picking his chopsticks up again.

Leroy shrugged, "Not really."

"_Leroy."_

"I got a call from Shelby Corcoran today," he blurted out quickly in defeat, realizing that there was no other way to say it than to just say it.

Hiram stared at him blankly, snapping his mouth closed when he realized it was hanging open. "Shelby Corcoran?" He asked dumbly, as though the name didn't register in his mind. "Our surrogate, Shelby Corcoran?"

"How many people named Shelby Corcoran do you know?" It really wasn't all that common of a name.

"What…Why did she call?" Hiram asked with confusion.

"Well, as it turns out, she works at Rachel's school," Leroy said calmly, as though they were discussing the weather or something.

Hiram just blinked at him for a few seconds. "…She works at Rachel's school?" he asked uncomprehending.

"Apparently she's been back in Lima for a few years now," Leroy revealed, "Things in New York didn't quite work out, so she came back here and got a job teaching music at Carmel High School." As he spoke he saw the shock wearing off and realization dawning in his husbands eyes.

"She's Rachel's music teacher?" he exclaimed, "They've met?" his raised voice was starting to attract attention, so Leroy moved in closer, lowering his own voice and trusting Hiram to take the hint.

"Rachel doesn't know who she is yet," he reassured his husband, "She's thinks Shelby is just a teacher."

"We have to pull her out of that school," Hiram said adamantly, echoing Leroy's earlier sentiments, "This is a complete violation of the contract."

"No it isn't." Leroy tried to calm his husband, before he went into lawyer mode for real, "Rachel suddenly turning up at the school where she works is not something she had any control over." He said reasonably.

"She was supposed to be in New York." Hiram argued.

"You can't ban her from Lima."

"I don't see why not." He said stubbornly.

Leroy rolled his eyes. "Hiram."

He sighed, "I wasn't suggesting that we _ban _her from Lima," he admitted, eating a bit of his food to give him a moment to think. "You're sure Rachel doesn't know who she is?" he asked finally.

"Yes."

"So she's gotta switch schools again." Hiram concluded, staring down into his plate tiredly.

"…yeah." Leroy agreed after a brief pause, nodding his head to himself.

Hiram looked up at him, hearing the uncertainty in his husbands tone. "What?"

"Nothing." Leroy answered quickly, shaking his head and taking a bite of his own food.

Hiram let it pass, deciding that Leroy would tell him if it were important. "Now we just have to figure out what we're going to say to her."

"…right." Leroy said with a sigh, shifting in his seat unconsciously.

"What is it?" Hiram asked again, sensing there was something more.

"It's just that," he shrugged taking a deep breath, "she seemed so happy last night when she talked about moving to Carmel, and that Jesse kid goes there," Hiram gave a disapproving look, "and according to Shelby she's already started making new friends…"

"Well, what can we do?" Hiram asked with resignation.

"Maybe…" Leroy hesitated to suggest it, "Maybe, we could let her stay?"

Hiram looked at him like he had sprung two heads. "At Carmel, with Shelby as her music teacher?" Hiram asked just to clarify. Leroy nodded. "You know Rachel takes after me in the deductive department…she'd figure it out within a week." He explained, as though Leroy hadn't realized that yet.

"Right," Leroy agreed cautiously, talking slowly as though he was speaking to a five year old, "So, maybe we should tell her?"

"Tell her? That Shelby Corcoran is her mother?"

"Yep." Leroy said simply.

Hiram opened his mouth, and then closed it. Then repeated the process two more times, attempting to regain his wits, "that…that….that is a _really bad_ idea," he said severely.

"Why?"

"Why?" he repeated incredulously, "She's sixteen! She can't _handle_ this right now."

"How do you know?" Leroy asked him, hating this discussion but feeling that it was necessary to have it anyway. "Rachel can handle a lot of things. How do you know she can't handle this?" Hiram opened his mouth to retort but Leroy cut him off, "I'm _not_ saying that she should stay at Carmel. I'm just saying that maybe we should talk to her about it before we just suddenly force her to change schools."

"And say what?" Hiram put on a falsely cheerful voice, "'hey, sweetheart, you know your new music teacher? She's actually your mother!' how do you think she's going to react to that?"

"I don't know," Leroy admitted, honestly having no idea how Rachel would take the news, "That's the point. I have no idea if Rachel would react. I have no idea if she…_wants_ a mother in her life. Do you?"

Hiram ignored the question, "And what about Shelby? You expect her to suddenly want to play mother to our daughter?" He asked skeptically.

"I'm fairly sure she wouldn't mind it." Leroy said mildly.

"Why do you say – "

"Because she basically suggested it," Leroy paused to let his husband digest that. "Hiram, I've been trying to come up with reasons not to let Rachel decide for herself, but for some reason they all seem to have a lot more to do with us than they do her," he admitted tiredly.

"We're her fathers."

"Yes, we are." That wasn't an excuse.

"It's our job to make decisions like this, so that she doesn't have to." Hiram said resolutely.

"And you don't think…" he trailed off, shaking his head.

"What?"

"You don't think that we're doing her a disservice by making this choice for her? Underestimating her abilities?"

"This isn't about Rachel's abilities."

"Then what is it about?" Leroy asked, frustrated at himself and Hiram.

Hiram looked away, just as frustrated. "We're her fathers," he restated.

They were both silent for a moment, mulling over their own thoughts. "We have to tell her," Leroy said finally.

"This is a bad idea." Hiram repeated quietly, without any of his previous energy. Leroy didn't respond, allowing their conversation to lapse back into silence.

* * *

Rachel drove home at around 8 o'clock that night with a happy grin on her face and a contented feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had spent the afternoon with Jesse after he'd gotten a text message saying that Vocal Adrenaline's rehearsals for the day had been canceled. She'd like to claim that she had spent her time productively, but in all honesty they had spent good portion of the afternoon making out in his bedroom. They had both been eager to make up for lost time, but she had been sure to stop things before they got too far, steering their activities back towards the reason she went to his home in the first place.

Jesse had the sort of insider knowledge that would guarantee her a spot in Vocal Adrenaline, knowing her voice well enough to suggest songs that would be perfect for her while also being well acquainted with the songs that would earn her no favor with her new teammates. Due to a general lack of originality amongst her classmates, there were a small number of very popular songs that were sung every time Vocal Adrenaline held auditions. She would have to bring the house down singing one of those songs to have any chance at all of getting on the team, and although Jesse had confidence in her, Rachel wasn't willing to push her luck during such a pivotal audition. She simply took note of the riskier songs and then went through Jesse's music collection, listening to everything from the extremely obscure, wonderfully sung, and incredibly disturbing 'Eve was Weak' by Betty Buckley (Rachel hadn't even known 'Carrie: The Musical' existed), to the more recognizable songs like 'Mama Who Bore Me' from Spring Awakening and beloved classics like 'People' by Barbara. Jesse even tipped her off to a few of Shelby's favorite songs that she might try. By the time they were done Jesse's advice and his collection had helped Rachel to form a much better idea of what she might be singing on Wednesday, to the point that she didn't mind when their song search devolved into a Broadway trivia competition, or when it further devolved into the two of them dancing around Jesse bedroom and singing duets. Time flew by and the two of them took no notice of it until Rachel looked outside of his bedroom window and saw how late it had gotten. There had been nearly an hour between the time she posed the theory of leaving and the time when it actually became a reality, because Jesse kept tempting her with 'just one more song'.

As she turned the corner and drove down her street Rachel marked today's date down in her mind with a gold star next to it, denoting it as one of the best days of her life. She couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this happy, and she didn't search all that hard for the memory, choosing instead to focus on what she was feeling right now.

Pulling up to her house she saw lights on inside and rushed into the house to see which one of her parents were home. She was surprised when she walked into the kitchen to find both of them, with actual homemade food cooking on the stove, but it only served to further cement the awesomeness of this day.

"Papa!" she said, walking up to her nearest father giving him a hug and placing a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey sweetie," Leroy said happily as she walked over to greet her other father in a similar fashion.

"What are you guys doing her?" she asked them curiously.

They shared a glance before Hiram answered, "We live here."

"Yeah, I recall paying the mortgage once or twice," Leroy agreed easily. Rachel simply rolled her eyes at her fathers' comedy routine and grabbed herself an apple. "You're going to ruin your appetite," Leroy warned.

"I thought apples were like garlic to your kind," Rachel responded, brandishing the apple in front of her and watching her father hiss and cower away like a vampire. Hiram plucked it from her hands and placed it back in bowl.

"Dinner is almost ready," He said with an amused smile as Leroy got his revenge by advancing towards Rachel with his hands raised in claws and his teeth bared. She giggled and scurried to the other side of the island in the middle of the kitchen as Leroy reclaimed his seat. "So, sweetheart, you seem to be in a good mood today." Hiram mentioned, and Rachel took that as her cue to tell them all about the day she'd had.

"Oh, well after you guys left my councilor came back with my schedule and gave me a map to help find my class. I went looking for my second period, because first period was basically over, and I got a bit turned around in the hallways…" she did her best to recall every detail, but left out most of her dramatic reunion with Jesse. No matter how supportive her fathers were of her and her romantic relationships she was sure that they preferred not to know the details.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed little glances passing between her fathers, a silent conversation going on that she wasn't supposed to be aware of. There was a definite tension in the room that Rachel didn't understand, but she did her best to ignore whatever weirdness was going on between them since they were putting so much effort into convincing her that everything was fine. She could always tell a show choir smile when she saw one, and that was what both of her fathers were wearing right now.

When she reached the part about her music class Hiram interrupted to say it was time for dinner, and asked Rachel to set the table. Obediently she left the kitchen to set plates out on the dining room table, leaving her fathers alone in the kitchen, presumably to bring out the food. When they came into the dining room Rachel was sure that something had happened between them, but she didn't dare to ask what, preferring to stay ignorant of whatever spat her fathers were having.

They all sat down around the table and once everyone was comfortably eating Leroy asked Rachel to continue with her story. She didn't miss the glare that Daddy shot at him, but he ignored it and so did she. Rachel picked up the story where she left off, telling them about meeting Coach Corcoran and how the woman had directed her music class so adeptly. She left out the parts about how she completely froze up the moment she walked into the classroom and Ms. Corcoran had to greet her at the door in order to snap her out of it, and how painfully awkward she had become every time the woman had so much as glanced at her. Instead she skipped to the part where Shelby had given her permission to audition for Vocal Adrenaline, and her excitement about potentially joining one of the best show choirs in the nation. She could barely sit still thinking about her upcoming audition and both of her fathers seemed to note her excitement.

She was just starting to tell them what songs she had chosen for Wednesday when Papa interrupted. "Sweetheart," Leroy said lightly, putting down his fork next to his mostly untouched food, "There's something Daddy and I want to talk to you about."

Rachel looked back and forth between them, noticing that Hiram had a similarly untouched plate in front of him and wondering what was going on. "Ok," she said cautiously, setting down her cutlery and looking at her parents expectantly.

Leroy asked gently, "Rachel…do you ever wonder about your mother?" Although his voice was light and calm Rachel felt the full gravity of the question, and finally began to understand what the tense atmosphere in the room was all about.

Caught off guard, she looked back and forth between them, noticing her Daddy's unusually blank face and Papa's strained levity, she knew that this question was important for some reason. They never spoke to her about her mother, choosing instead to pretend as though she only existed in the fairytale-like form they had given her when Rachel was a small child. She knew that they would know it if she outright lied, so she simply downplayed her feelings, "Um, sometimes," she said, reaching for her glass of water, "I mean, I do get curious, but not that often."

She brought the glass to her mouth and took a sip to stop herself from rambling, which she knew would be a dead giveaway to either of her parents.

What she'd just said was actually pretty close to the truth. She used to wonder about her mom all the time, a constant barrage of question lingering in her mind that would break free with even the slightest provocation. When saw other girls her age at dance and music recitals with their mommy, or when she saw other children with their moms on the playground, or on television, or walking down the street. There had been a time when any display of motherly love would trigger questions about her own mother, until finally her dads had simply come up with the fairytale-like story about her mother, a kind woman who had happily agreed to help them when she found out that they couldn't have children. She'd carried their precious baby girl for them in her belly until the time came for their little star to be born and then the woman had handed her over to her new daddies, knowing that she was leaving her daughter in the hands of a family who would love her and care for her the woman went off to make more dreams come true. It was vague and obviously not the whole story, but it had been enough for her at the time, and as she got older she was able to push most of those questions about her mother out of her mind, instead focusing on the family that she did have. It had gotten to the point where Rachel could go whole days at a time without wondering what her mother would think about something, and her longing for a motherly attention only manifested itself when she was at her most emotional.

"Why do you ask?" she asked them nervously, wondering what had brought this conversation on.

Leroy seemed to hesitate, looking to his husband for permission. Hiram stared back for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning to Rachel. "Papa got a call from Shelby Corcoran today…" Rachel looked at her parents with mystified confusion. Coach Corcoran had called? Why? And what on earth did that have to do with her mother?

Leroy took his husbands brief words as consent to tell their daughter the truth and picked up the explanation when his husband trailed off. The pieces of the puzzle clicked in Rachel's mind a second before her father said it aloud, "Sweetheart, Shelby Corcoran is your mother."

* * *

don't forget to review!


	10. Tuesday Part 1: Questions

**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait, but this chapter was particularly hard. there is so much going on with Rachel and so much that I wanted to express in this chapter that it took a bit longer than usual. Special thanks to **Cissy Black Malfoy, Kikky, and Starbuck128** for giving me some input. This chapter was originally going to be even more ridiculously long than it already is, but I decided to cut it in half and make it into two parter all taking place during the same day. Consequently, this chapter is mainly introspection on Rachel's part and her trying to wrap her head around the idea of Shelby as her mom and make a decision about what to do from here. The next chapter, which I hope to have up within the next few days, will have more action, but for now I hope you enjoy this one.

**Tuesday Part 1**

_**Questions**_

Shelby Corcoran was her mother. Rachel lay in bed, staring up at the 'Wicked' poster on her wall and allowing those words to run through her mind while she tried to figure out how they fit. It was like uncovering the missing piece of the tapestry that was her life and realizing that it changed the picture entirely. Rachel was not yet capable of forming an opinion on it, feeling it was too new and too large for her to fully wrap her head around, so she simply let the words reverberate into every corner of her mind, seeping into the core of her being. She was vaguely aware of the almost hypnotic ticking of the clock on her bedside table, but she couldn't be bothered to turn her head and check the time. She knew at least a few hours had passed since she sat at the dinner table with her fathers and had this little revelation dropped on her.

_Sweetheart, Shelby Corcoran is your mother. _Hearing her father say those words had left an odd buzzing sound in her ears, rendering her momentarily deaf, as though her brain was suddenly too overloaded to process any more sound. She could see Papa's lips moving, but she couldn't make out the words he was saying. It was like someone had set off a flashbang grenade leaving her deaf and dumb as her mind tried to figure out what had just happened. She saw his mouth form the words 'sweetheart, are you ok?' before repeating her name over and over until she finally regained enough presence of mind to nod her head. It was an empty gesture, but at least it got Papa to stop asking her questions for a few seconds. From the other side of the table Daddy told him to give her a minute to think, and she felt a surge of gratitude towards him.

In her mind's eye there was a snapshot of the woman who had greeted her at the door of her music class. Now that Rachel was aware of their connection her mind displayed a sort of photographic recall that she hadn't known she possessed. There was no questioning the validity of her father's claim. The woman's features held more than a passing similarity to her own, something that she noted the first time she saw her but hadn't spared a moment to analyze. The anxiety induced flight or fight instinct she had experienced upon entering Shelby's class that day must have caused their exchange to be imprinted on her memory in detail, because she could now picture Shelby Corcoran standing in front of her with startling clarity. Her eyes, a familiar brown color filled with unknown depth, stood out clearest in Rachel's mind. While the rest of Shelby's face remained blank and professional her eyes had told a different story, showing more compassion and nervousness than she had probably realized. Rachel certainly hadn't noticed it at the time, but it revealed itself to her now that she sat at her parents' dinner table with new knowledge and the benefit of hindsight.

The silence in the dining room stretched on for an indeterminate amount of time while Rachel pushed through the shock that clouded her mind. Once she was able to form something resembling a coherent sentence, questions came rolling off her tongue in quick succession. How did they meet? Why did she agree? What had happened? These were things that she had wondered about for most of her life and probably should have been told years ago, but Rachel had never had the nerve to push for answers and her fathers had never had the inclination to explain. In her mind the topic of her mother had always been off limits, and even now as they told her the role Shelby Corcoran had played in bringing her into this world, Rachel got the distinct impression that this was a conversation neither of her dads wanted to be having. Daddy only chimed in when the legal aspects of the contract they'd had with Shelby came up, and Rachel was surprised to learn that her mother had been legally prohibited from seeking contact with her. In her mind she had always figured that the woman had simply chosen not to know her, not that she legally couldn't. Papa was in charge of explaining the rest, his voice and demeanor unusually somber.

At one point Papa stopped speaking for a long moment, and Rachel feared that they wouldn't say anything more. It took all of the will power she possessed in order to remain silent while Leroy and Hiram looked at each other, entire conversations passing between them in a language that was entirely indecipherable to her, but when they broke eye contact it was clear that they had come to a decision. Hiram seemed resigned, but he spoke clearly and calmly. "Rachel, Papa and I love you, and we trust you…" he seemed to struggle to find the words, "Shelby contacting us again after all these years was never a part of the plan, but we all felt that you were old enough to know the truth and choose for yourself what sort of relationship, if any, you want to have with her. It would be easy for us to take you out of Carmel altogether and register you in a new school. Richard Peterson was just telling me the other day that his daughter's private school has an excellent theater arts program and better academics than any public school could ever offer. It would be exactly the right atmosphere you…" he paused, allowing her time to consider this option. "Or you could stay at Carmel. Now if you do choose to stay at Carmel it doesn't mean that your relationship with Shelby has to be anything more than any other student and teacher. There is no pressure or expectation for you to suddenly want to be close to her or – "

"What your father is _trying_ to say," Leroy interrupted, shooting his husband a look across the table, "is we're leaving this decision up to you. You can choose to stay at Carmel or leave, you can choose to have a relationship with Shelby or not. It's your choice and your father and I will support you, whatever you decide."

Rachel hesitantly nodded her head, feeling a new pressure on her shoulders as the magnitude of her choice settled in around her. It was amazing how two hours ago the biggest decision she thought she was going to have to make this week was what song to sing in her audition. Now she got to decide the fate of her relationship with the mother she'd never known and potentially start a _new_ 'new life' at another school. There was no doubt in her mind which options her dads wanted her to choose.

"You don't need to make any decisions right now," Hiram assured her gently, probably feeling the waves off stress rolling off her. "You can take all the time you need." They both seemed to be waiting for a response so Rachel nodded her head thoughtful and pulled her mouth into what she was sure looked nothing like a smile.

"Right, um…" Rachel tried to think of a more articulate response but this new information had taken over her brain, crushing any other thought that vied for attention. "Right," she said again. She looked down at her half eaten plate of vegetables and potatoes with no desire to finish any of it. Her fathers appeared to be giving her some space to think, but the silence in the room felt oppressive. Before she could stop herself she was on her feet, startling her fathers and herself, but feeling as though she couldn't sit any longer. "May I be excused?" she asked as an afterthought, looking from one father to the other.

"Rachel…" Leroy started and then stopped himself.

"Yeah, sure, whatever you need. Just know that your father and I are here if you need to talk," Hiram answered her. Rachel could feel them staring after her as she hurried from the dining room, and she was sure they listened to her rushing footsteps as she ran up the stairs and into her bedroom. Closing the door she leaned against it for a moment, bringing her hands up to cover her face and closing her eyes to try to stop her mind from racing. This wasn't at all what she had expected when she arrived home, but she could barely remember the day she had spent with Jesse just two or three hours earlier. This was one of those revelations that split your life into _before_ and _after_, and most of what came 'before' seemed to fade, while the 'after' seemed amplified. It was a shame too, because she had really wanted to document this day in her diary and now most of it had been wiped from her mind.

Pushing off from the door she dropped her hands and moved across the room to her bed and sat down slowly, lying back until her head rested on the pillows, and looking up blankly. She figured that the emotional parts would come later, but for right now she would simply lay there and try to wrap her head around the idea as Shelby Corcoran as her mother. Hours later she was still in basically the same position, still trying to get her head around that concept.

Shelby Corcoran was her mother.

Over the last few hours she had mentally picked apart every word and gesture Shelby had made during their brief interaction earlier that day, from the way she had focused in on Rachel from the moment she walked into the classroom and stood nervously at the door, to the way their hands had remained gently clasped together for a bit too long during their initial handshake, and how she had opened her eyes for a brief second while she was singing scales and saw Shelby staring at her with an unreadable look on her face that she had taken for simple consideration of her skills at the time, but now seemed to hold so many possibilities.

Shelby Corcoran was her mother.

There had also been the moment after class when Shelby had surprised her by asking about how her day had been; a question she thought was just an offhanded way of making her feel a little less awkward but now took on a very motherly connotation in her mind. Her stomach did odd flips at the thought of it.

Shelby Corcoran was her mother.

She had been so embarrassed by her misunderstanding of Shelby's words when she told her she could audition that Rachel had made an idiot of herself, first implying that she was happy about one of Vocal Adrenaline's members breaking her leg, and then trying to compensate for her dumb words by showing off her knowledge of musical theater when Shelby mentioned that she could do two numbers for the audition. She'd almost missed it completely when the woman had softly wished her good luck.

Shelby Corcoran was her mother.

She'd promised that Shelby would not regret giving her the chance to audition…now she wondered if that had been a lie.

Shelby Corcoran was her mother.

Having a mother – _her_ mother – was something that Rachel had fantasized about her whole life. She'd wondered what it would be like to have her there, and if they would have anything in common at all or if they would be complete opposites. She'd wondered if her mother would understand her in a way that so few people ever did…now that the opportunity to find out had fallen into her lap it held all the weight of a dream come true. Longing for the mother you don't know and will never meet carries with it the security of impossibility. Once Rachel added a name to that longing, and a face, it became far too real. The_ idea_ of her mother had become a tangible reality. A woman named Shelby Corcoran, who loved music, looked exactly like her, and probably didn't live very far away. A woman with kind eyes, a calm gentle voice, and arms that could easily hold her tight while she cried. She wasn't just out there somewhere in the world at large anymore, she was in Lima, at Carmel, just outside of Rachel's life and now close enough that she could reach out and touch her if she wanted. It frightened her to even consider it.

There was sixteen years worth of expectations built up in her mind and logically she understood that no actual person could ever hope to live up to it. Inviting Shelby Corcoran into her life would be inviting the possibility of disappointment on a level she wasn't sure she could handle. If for some reason their relationship didn't work out…if Shelby didn't want her, or couldn't be the mother she needed…she knew that she would be crushed. Rachel was emotionally vulnerable to Shelby in a way that scared her. She had a lifetime of experience dealing with her fathers, and over the years she had built up a high tolerance for criticism and cruelty from her classmates and teachers, but her mother was an area in which she had no experience and no defense.

Walking away from this relationship now, before it even got started, would be the smart thing to do. Before Rachel's heart got more invested in this than it already was. After all, Shelby hadn't exactly come seeking her out or anything. They had stumbled into each other's lives by chance, and she tried to convince herself that Shelby would simply be relieved to hear that her surrogate daughter wouldn't be bothering her. She knew for certain that Leroy and Hiram would be pleased by her decision. And as for Rachel…well she would get over it. Taking a deep breath she tried to turn off her emotions, shut down her body, and turn off her brain. She tried to convince herself that she wasn't wrong for trying to protect herself. When she closed her eyes her mind conjured up the image of Shelby at the piano, looking at her with that unreadable look on her face. She told herself that it was just her own mind projecting her feelings onto Shelby in order to give her a false hope for their relationship. She turned over on her side and attempted to push the image away so she could get some sleep.

The soft blue glow from her clock radiated onto her face with annoying persistence. Reaching out a hand she swiftly turned it away from her to face the wall. She waited for sleep to come and claim her mind, but instead she ended up lying in the darkness of closed lids, listening to the drip…drip…drip of water leaking from the faucet in her bathroom. Frustrated, she climbed out of bed and turned every knob she could reach until the dripping ceased. She walked back into her room, surveying the shadows that crawled up her walls, cast by the street lights and the rare passing car. She stood there in the darkness, pushing down her thoughts, and because she couldn't silence the noise in her head she tried to silence the noise in her house. She chased away a cricket that had been chirping nearby, firmed up her window so that it wouldn't rattle in the wind, and in a last ditch effort to keep her thoughts at bay she had pulled on her headphones, figuring that if she couldn't quiet her thoughts she would blast them into submission.

Not even Alice Ripley, singing about her psychosis, could prevent her mind from wandering down the path that might very well lead to her own psychotic break. Now that she knew who her mother was, how could she ever pretend that she didn't? How could she walk away from the possibility of knowing her? Of finally claiming the missing pieces of her perfect little family? She'd wanted this for so long she had to at least try, didn't she?

Rachel banged her head against her headboard.

She wanted to believe that it could be that simple. She wanted to accept the opportunity for what it was and let that be all that mattered, but she knew better. She knew that whatever choice she made would affect not only her, but her fathers as well. She knew that no matter how supportive they said they were, bringing her mother into their lives would be painful for them. Hell, even considering it was tantamount to saying that they weren't good enough parents, but Rachel had 16 years worth of curiosity and longing to contend with. Cutting her mother out of her life completely without giving their relationship a chance seemed just as heart wrenching.

She sat in bed listening to her Next to Normal cast recording and trying to make up her mind. She fell into a half-conscious state of not quite sleep that saw her through the next few hours of fruitless debate. At around five she rose from her bed. Aside from a few creases in the comforter it looked as though it hadn't been slept in at all which, she supposed, it hadn't.

She went through the motions of her regular morning routine, jumping on her elliptical and working out a bit harder than she probably should have after getting no sleep last night. By the time she was done she had worked up a sweat. Stepping into the bathroom that connected to her room Rachel turned the handle to the shower and watched the steady spray of water fall from the nozzle. By the time she had stripped out of her sweaty clothes the water was burning hot, but she clinched her jaw and slipped under the stream anyway. Fighting down the urge to turn the temperature down to cooler level she allowed her body and mind to focus on the almost unbearable heat as it assaulted her skin.

It was a welcome relief from the thoughts that had kept her up all night, and she stood there until her body had adjusted to the uncomfortable temperature before slowly lowering it back down to normal levels and scrubbing herself clean. She took her time, enjoying the distraction until she couldn't justify standing in the shower any longer. Turning off the water she wrapped herself in a fluffy pink towel and stood before the mirror, dragging a hand across its surface to clear away the steam and study her own face. It appeared that finding out who her mother was had not left any physical marks on her, which seemed strange. She felt like there should at least be some sort of sign announcing to the world that she was Shelby Corcoran's daughter, but then again, 50 percent of her DNA would be enough of a marker for anyone willing to look at her and draw conclusions.

She could hear her fathers moving around downstairs, but she didn't rush to join them like she usually would have. She didn't want to go and face them without some sort of answer, and right now she had none. After all, _they_ were her parents. They were the ones who had loved her and raised her since the day she was born. She shouldn't want or need Shelby Corcoran in her life. It was why she had never asked them for details about her. It was why she had kept her longing for a mother to herself all these years. It was why she felt so guilty about her indecision right now, and it was why she hid upstairs in her room for another thirty minutes, before resigning herself to her fate. She walked down the stairs slowly and silently. Pausing outside the door she heard their voices inside, having a muffled conversation, and she drew in a deep breath.

Walking into the kitchen was like walking into the twilight zone, but instead of it being a topsy turvy everything-is-upside-down world, everything was exactly the same as it had been every other morning, which had the effect of being even stranger. She had expected to feel the tension of last night's discussion still hanging in the air. Instead she found her dads sipping coffee, reading the newspaper, and generally acting as though there world had not been flipped on its head last night. It was disconcerting.

"Um, hi…" she said hesitantly as she walked into the room.

"Hey sweetie," Daddy greeted her happily, pausing with his mug halfway to his mouth to smile at her.

Glancing up from his paper Papa told her, "There's oatmeal on the stove." She stared at them for a minute standing in the doorway and feeling like someone had hit a reset button or something. Cautiously she walked across the room and spooned out a modest bowl of it before going to sit beside her parents at the island.

"So, explain to me again – " Hiram rolled his eyes with a sigh, but Leroy persisted, "_Explain to me again _why they can do this."

"Because health insurance companies are inhumane bastards, who target the weak, feast on the souls of the sick, and keep you on hold for hours," Hiram said matter-of-factly.

Leroy put down his newspaper. "Yeah, I got that part. My question is _**how**_is that _**legal**_?" he asked with frustrated exasperation. Hiram walked over and kissed him lightly. This was a subject that Rachel had seen Papa get worked up on many occasions, every time one of his patients had to deal with monetary issues and the insurance companies when they should be focusing on their health instead. She and Hiram both knew that he needed to rant more anything else, so Hiram would indulge him for as long as he could.

"It is a horrible system. It can't last forever. Eventually the people will rise up, say enough is enough, and those greedy bastards will get what they deserve," Hiram said as he grabbed his briefcase and prepared to head off to work. "Until then, we fight the good fight. You save lives, I save assets." There was a tired determination to Hiram's voice and Leroy nodded his head unhappily, but Rachel knew that both of her fathers honestly did make a difference in people's lives. It was part of the reason she was so proud of them. She wondered what breakfast at her mother's home would be like and felt a stab of guilt at the traitorous thought.

Hiram walked over to Rachel and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "Have a good day, Daddy," she told him, with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She quickly turned her head back towards her food so that she wouldn't have to see the adoring look on his face. She heard Hiram clear his throat and sensed a change of subject coming. It was a little bit of a relief to know for sure that she hadn't simply imagined their conversation from last night. That relief was quickly replaced by nervous dread.

Taking the hint Leroy started, "Rachel…it's ok if you don't want to go to school today. We know you have a lot on your mind and you need time to think and process things." Rachel looked between them and nodded her head quickly.

"Thanks," she told them shortly before turning back to her food and shoveling a spoon full into her mouth. She knew the answer they wanted to hear, but she couldn't bring herself to say it. She wanted to tell them that she had decided to leave Carmel and Shelby Corcoran behind, but she couldn't get the words to come out of her mouth.

After a moment of uncertainty Hiram moved away and both of her dads seemed to accept her answer for the moment. "I love you. I'll see you both later," Hiram told them, looking back at Rachel once before he walked out of the kitchen. Rachel heard the front door shut and his car engine start, leaving her and Leroy in silence while she put an inordinate amount of her attention into finishing her breakfast.

When she couldn't pretend to scrape anymore food from the bottom of her bowl she risked glancing up and saw that Papa was reading the newspaper again. She got up to wash the dish out and heard her father flipping through the pages behind her. He knew just as well as she did that she could not stand awkward silences. "Do you have any surgeries today?" she finally broke.

"No, actually things are pretty light today," he answered readily, "I don't have to be in until around twelve and I may be able to get back here early tonight…so if you want hangout and watch some movies…We could do a musical marathon…?" It had been a while since they had sat down together and watched movies. Her father's schedule had been pretty tightly booked for the last few months which wasn't all that different from her father's normal schedule. Rachel was sure that this wasn't just a coincidence, him getting a light day the day after they had a chat about her mother, and she appreciated the gesture. She really wanted to say yes, pop some popcorn, flop down on the couch, and spend some time with her Papa, but she knew that would be inviting him to start a conversation that she wasn't ready to have yet.

"That sounds great, but I don't want to ruin my attendance record." It was a weak excuse, but he smiled at her understandingly and nodded his head. She felt more guilt. This would be so much easier if he yelled at her or gave her the cold shoulder or something. This quiet acceptance was so much worse. "I should go get my stuff and head out. Don't want to be late two days in a row," She said in what she hoped was a light tone. She kissed him on the cheek and he hugged her for just a little bit longer than usual. She ran upstairs and grabbed a jacket and her backpack. "Bye, Papa," she called out on her way out of the door. It swung closed behind her and cut off his reply. She cringed at the way it slammed. She didn't want him to feel like she was avoiding him, no matter how true it may be. She debated going back to wish him a proper goodbye, but she knew that wouldn't really help.

She climbed into her car with her mind on autopilot and her music blasting at a level she didn't know her speakers could reach. She was sure that if there had been an emergency vehicle behind her she probably wouldn't have heard it, but she was too unfocused to care. Heads turned her way as she drove through the school parking lot and it wasn't until then that she decided to turn Barbara down. She had a flash of memory and recalled Jesse telling her last night that Barbara was one of Shelby's favorites. Sighing, she gently leaned forward and rested her head against her steering wheel. This time yesterday she would have killed to know that little tidbit about her mother. Now it just made it harder for her to deal with the situation at hand.

It wasn't until she had turned off the car and the music that her mind had room to think and follow the logical course of her actions. In her attempt to get away from home and her father she had come to Carmel…and Shelby. She raised her head slightly and then banged it against the steering wheel. The only person she wanted to talk to less than her fathers right now, was her mother and –

_.Tap. Tap. Tap.  
_

She sat bolt upright, her body tensing up as she looked out of the window. The sight of Jesse standing there brought a wave of relief, if only because it wasn't Shelby. She rolled down the window and he leaned in to kiss her before she could say a word of greeting. For a moment she forgot what it was she was so anxious about.

"Hello," he said with a light grin as they broke apart. Apparently this was going to be a thing with them now.

"Hi," she replied, thankful for his sudden presence. He reached down and opened the car door, waiting for her to step out. The effect of Jesse's kiss wore off immediately as she thought about the prospect of entering Carmel today. She was not prepared to face Shelby Corcoran with this new knowledge bouncing around in her skull. The thought of standing face to face with her mother sent a tremor of fear and anticipation through her. She didn't know which was worse. "Jesse, how about we go for a drive?" She asked suddenly.

"A drive?" Jesse asked with confusion. "Rachel classes start in like fifteen minutes."

"I know I just…I want to spend the day with you. Just the two of us," she tried to keep her tone light and caring, instead of nervous and scared. She had, at some point during her long night of debate, convinced herself that their relationship was not contingent on her staying at Carmel. That if and when she left Carmel they could still be together so long as they weren't on rival Glee teams, and the private school Daddy had suggested didn't have a glee team, so that wouldn't be a problem. She hoped.

Jesse looked to be considering it for a moment, but he shook his head, "I can't. I have a trig test today that I can't miss." At Rachel's look of disappointment he continued, "But we can get together after school, or at lunch, or...right now," he said suggestively, with sly smile lighting his features. "We could put those fifteen minutes to good use."

It wasn't what she had been aiming for, but she certainly didn't refuse, especially if this might be her last day at Carmel. Jesse got in on the passenger side, and when he wrapped his arms around her it was hard to think of anything else. Rachel didn't try, instead losing herself in the feel of his lips on hers. It was a blissful moment of silence in her mind and she was sad when the bell for first class rang, bringing it to an end. Jesse slowly drew his lips away.

"We've gotta go," he said regretfully, drawing back and adjusting his slightly wrinkled clothes. His hair was tousled, but it only made him look sexier as far as Rachel was concerned. When Jesse looked in the passenger side mirror he seemed to agree, because he didn't do anything to fix it. Rachel turned to her mirror and corrected her own appearance as best she could. She reapplied her lip gloss, which Jesse promptly ruined again with a playful kiss. "Come on," he told her, jumping out of the car before she could retaliate. Rachel checked her appearance once more and took a deep breath. If this was going to be her last day at Carmel she wanted to spend it with Jesse. She would just have to make sure that she and Shelby did not run into each other, she decided. Of course, it only took her until third period for that resolution to go to hell.

She was walking from her class towards the lunch room, finally feeling as though she had Carmel's layout down in her head, when she turned a corner and saw her mother standing in the middle of the hall. She froze, feeling the blood drain from her face and her eyes go wide. Shelby's head was turned in the opposite direction, facing the student she was speaking to, but Rachel was certain that it was her mother. Making a snap decision she jerked back around the corner she had just come from and stood there with her back pressed against the wall, wondering if it was possible that her mother had spotted her. Unless she had eyes on the back of her head it was pretty unlikely, but it still made Rachel's stomach twist in knots to think that she might have. Cautiously she leaned out from her hiding place and peeked around the corner at her mom.

She looked exactly the same as yesterday and yet somehow entirely different in Rachel's eyes. Shelby held herself with confidence, and a sense of self assurance that seemed to radiate off of her. It was the sort of poise that Rachel spent hours in the mirror trying to perfect, but had never managed to pull off quite as elegantly as Shelby was now. She wondered if Shelby did it for the same reasons, to hide her insecurities from the world around her and all the people who would try to take advantage of them if they ever knew they existed. If so, she was doing an excellent job. Rachel was pulled out when she saw her mother shift her weight, preparing to walk away.

She yanked her head back around the corner. A few people in the hall were looking at her strangely, but she was sure that this time it had more to do with her own odd behavior than her association with Jesse. Ignoring them, she doubled back the way she came, quickly making her way down the hall and as far away from her mother as possible. Her heart was beating in her chest and she felt blood rushing to her face, amplifying the sound of her heart in her ears. That was a very close call, and clearly her skills at evasion needed some work. She had always kind of sucked at hide and go seek as a child, but that was neither here nor there. This was exactly the reason why she should have left Carmel this morning, or better yet, not shown up in the first place, but Jesse and his damned lips had tricked her into staying, and now she was once again the subject of stares and whispers. Only this time Rachel was subconscious about it for a whole new reason. She was sure that they were all putting together the pieces, looking at her and wondering why she looked so familiar. Whispering about her and Coach Corcoran potentially being related. Now that she knew the truth it seemed like something that any idiot could put together.

She ducked into an abandoned classroom to calm her nerves away from prying eyes. Coming here had been a mistake, but now that she was here she couldn't exactly leave. Well, technically she could ditch, but even under these circumstances Rachel cringed at the idea. Skipping out on her final class would mean getting a phone call home, and Rachel had no intention of heading back there right now. Rachel's phone buzzed with a text message from Jesse, asking where she was. She told him that she would meet him in the lunch room and cautiously made her way through the halls, listening intently to voices around her and checking around corners before she stepped into other corridors. She was sure it made her look like an idiot, and it took her an extra couple of minutes to get to the cafeteria, but that didn't stop her.

She spotted Jesse waiting for her by the entrance and soon they entered into the mass of students milling around the lunch room. Rachel allowed herself to relax, knowing that the chances of her running into her mother in here were slim to none. Unable to recall many details of her own day so far she listened to Jesse as he recounted the details of his, while they waited in line. She did her best to focus on what he was saying, but her mind refused to hold any information that did not pertain to her current situation. Once they finally got their food Jesse led her through the bustling cafeteria towards a door off to the side.

Rachel tried to hold in her curiosity but she couldn't stop herself from glancing over at Jesse as they walked. "So, Coach Corcoran has a lot of musical experience?" She tried to make it sound like a professional query. It was the best way she could think of to raise this topic.

"A hell of a lot more than you'll find at any other High School. She's been in a couple of off-Broadway plays, she has a degree in a musical theory, her first year here we took Regionals and we've placed in Nationals every year since," he told her enthusiastically. "She brings out the best in every performer on the team. She pushes pretty hard, sure, but that's what makes her such a great coach. She'll challenge you to do things vocally that you didn't know you were capable of," Rachel could tell that he was speaking from personal experience now. "She'll put just as much into coaching as you do into learning, and I guarantee you'll be a better singer by the time she's done with you. She's…amazing!" he finished with real reverence in his voice. As Rachel listened to his ranting endorsement of Shelby she felt her sadness double as she realized she would not only be walking away from her mother but a great vocal coach as well. As though the prospect of being a part of a nationally ranked glee team wasn't tempting enough.

"She sounds great!" Rachel said with false enthusiasm.

"She is, Rachel. I know she may seem a bit intimidating at first, but you two are going to get along great." She nodded her head in agreement, unable to speak. He looked at her with sympathy. "You're still nervous aren't you?" She nodded again, allowing him to believe that's all it was. "You know, I'm sure that if you just sat down with her you find that the two of you have a lot in common." She smiled up at him with a knot in her throat. "Why don't I arrange a meeting for you – "

"No!" Rachel exclaimed, stopping with a look of horror, "Don't do that." Her voice was more ragged than she had intended, and at Jesse's taken aback look she forced herself to calm down and amended, "I don't want Shelby to think that I'm using my relationship with you to try to get on the team…" she took a calming breath, "I just want my audition piece to speak for itself."

"I'm sure it will," Jesse cautiously reassured her, unsure what he did to earn that response. Stepping close to her and lowering his voice so that anyone listening nearby wouldn't hear him he asked "Are you alright? You seem kind of…on edge today." He looked into her eyes and she so wanted to tell him everything. Confess about Shelby being her mother and receive the comfort and advice she knew he would offer her. But that wasn't an option. If she hadn't already realized it, Jesse's one man monologue about the awesomeness of Shelby Corcoran had showed her that he was kind of biased where Shelby was concerned. Not to mention his bias towards keeping her here. He would never consider her leaving Carmel as a viable option. If she told him that the woman he held in such high regard was actually her mother he would do everything in his power to convince her to stay and reconnect with her, and there was a good chance that he would succeed. She toyed with the idea of letting him talk her into it, but the thought of her fathers stopped her.

"I'm just a bit tired, I guess. I didn't get any sleep last night," she told him with as much honesty as she could muster. He looked down at her as though he were trying to read her mind and for a moment she thought she saw the dawn of realization in his eyes, but she quickly looked away and started walking in the general direction they had been headed in before her little freak out. She felt like there was suddenly a wall between them. "So where are we going?" she asked when he caught up to her.

"Uh…out to the courtyard," he sounded distracted now too, "it's a lot less crowded out there."

He was right, there were only a few dozen kids eating outside in the brisk weather and Rachel relished the smell of fresh air after being in that crammed lunch room. "Jesse! Rachel!" Kendra called out to them when the moment she saw them. Rachel looked over and saw her with Oliver and another girl sitting at a picnic bench. Judging by the way the girl beside Ollie had just stuck her tongue down his throat Rachel surmised that this must be his girlfriend.

"Hey, guys!" Rachel greeted with more cheer than she felt.

"Hey," Oliver said, coming up for air just long enough to greet them before being drawn back towards his girlfriend's mouth without bothering to introduce her.

Kendra looked anywhere else but at them. "So, Rachel, how's the second day going?"

"Good. Fine," she said with noncommittal tone as she sat down, "…still just getting my bearings." She hated the idea of having to go through this again, learning the layout of a new school and figuring out where her classes were. The only reason she had caught on so quickly this time was because she had Jesse acting as her personal guide. Whatever school she transferred to would not have Jesse there to escort her through the halls, which was an automatic drawback.

"Rachel and I were just talking about Shelby's coaching style," Jesse told her as he sat down beside her.

"Oh, she's a great coach," Kendra corroborated his earlier point. "A perfectionist. She'd force us to stay till midnight if that's how long it took to get a routine right, and she can be incredibly demanding at times, but in the end it's always worth it. She pushes us to be the best." Kendra spoke of her the same way Jesse had, with clear respect in her voice, but she wasn't saying anything that Rachel hadn't already heard.

"See?" Jesse asked Rachel as though he had just proven something. "Rachel is intimidated by her," he explained to Kendra as though Rachel weren't sitting right beside him.

"I'm not intimidated by her."

"You're not?" Kendra asked skeptically, "You should be. She's delights in ripping bad performances to shreds."

"You're confusing Shelby with you," Jesse told her. He turned to Rachel. "You do not need to be intimidated by her," he reassured her again with an unusual amount of insistence.

"I know, and I'm not," Rachel lied, wanting nothing more than to drop this conversation. This would be so much easier if she could just talk to him. He was just trying to be supportive, but it wasn't helping her at all right now. This was one instance where she wouldn't mind Jesse treating her more like Oliver was treating his girlfriend…

Seeing a way of killing two birds with one stone she turned to Jesse, "Speaking of Vocal Adrenaline, didn't you say you needed to ask for Oliver's help learning a dance piece?" At the sound of his name Oliver broke away from his girlfriend for a moment.

"What?" He asked obliviously, looking back and forth between his friends.

"Jesse needs your help with some routine," Kendra supplied, helpfully distracting him further from the girl in his arms.

Ollie shot him a smirk, "You need my help?"

"No," Jesse said giving Rachel and Kendra an annoyed look, "Shelby's thinking about going with the American Idiot set for Regionals, and she wants me to get caught up on it." He had planned on working something out with Ollie yesterday, but once practice was canceled he'd ended up spending the day with Rachel instead.

"So, you need my help?" Ollie summarized.

"No! I need you to show me the routine."

"AKA, my help." Jesse turned his annoyed look on Oliver, "You know what, just admit you need my help. Ask for my help, and I will _be there_ _for you_, man." Oliver was clearly enjoying this, the girl sitting in his lap momentarily forgotten. "Just say it. Ask. Say it," he prodded.

Impatiently Jesse said, "Oliver, would you please help me with the routine? Please?" he sounded more annoyed than sincere, but it was enough for Ollie.

"Sure, man. You don't have to beg," Ollie indicated to the girl on his lap that he needed to get up, and she gave a long suffering sigh before relenting.

"Do you really need to do this right now?" She asked with irritation.

"If I'm going to have time to prepare for our date tonight," Oliver said, gently taking her hand and kissing it. She sighed again, but this time she didn't seem nearly so annoyed.

"Whatever. I'm going to find Jessica." Their goodbye kiss was at least full minute long, and Rachel wondered if Oliver had forgotten about them already. When they finally broke apart the girlfriend walked away without as much as a glance at anyone else at the table.

"Come on, Jesse." Looking regretfully down at his uneaten lunch Jesse stood up.

His kiss with Rachel was significantly shorter but she didn't complain. "I'll see you later," she told him.

"Yeah. I'll call you later," He replied, and then paused. A frown flashed across his face, quickly followed by realization of the fact that Rachel had just effectively gotten rid of him. He gave her an unreadable look. "I'll see you guys later," he told them again with a mix of annoyance and admiration in his voice, before following after Ollie. Rachel watched him walk away.

"So how's the audition prep going?" Kendra asked her, drawing Rachel's attention back to the table.

"Fine," Rachel said. After all the work she put into finding the right songs to perform, she would regret leaving before she got the chance to audition, but she couldn't imagine getting up on stage and singing in front of her mother. It was another one of those dreams that terrified her now that it could actually be a reality. Once again her thoughts had turned to Shelby. Glancing at Kendra she asked nonchalantly, "Does that happen often? The forcing you to stay until midnight I mean."

"Often enough," Kendra said with a wry smile. "Look, if you plan on maintaining a social life, I suggest you join some other team," Kendra told her candidly, "once you join Vocal Adrenaline the only people you'll have time to hang out with are your teammates."

For Rachel that wouldn't really be a problem, but something about that bit of information stuck out in her mind, "Coach Corcoran must be really dedicated to her job…what does her family think of it? Aren't they upset about her spending so much time with the team?"

Kendra shrugged, "she's not married and she doesn't have any kids. So as far as I know she doesn't have any family."

Rachel fished for more information, "she doesn't even have a boyfriend or something?" This was just one more difference between having the idea of a mother and having an actual mother. Rachel had always avoided the possibility of her mother having another family when she conjured her up in her mind, but the reality that Shelby might be all alone really bothered her.

Kendra looked at her strangely, "I knew there was something I forgot to ask. I'll be sure to inquire about her dating life the next time I see her." Rachel blushed a little at her sarcastic tone. There was no reason why Kendra should know whether Shelby was dating anyone or not. Rachel told herself that she had no good reason to ask, but despite her best efforts to temper her curiosity she wanted to know more about her mother. Of course, she couldn't tell Kendra that, and the other girl seemed to be waiting for an explanation.

"Right. Dumb question. Sorry." The look on Kendra's face was not entirely erased, but she seemed to accept Rachel's words. "So how was your day today?" Rachel asked, and just as Jesse had Kendra took over the conversation, requiring very little input from Rachel. As the other girl spoke Rachel wondered if they would remain friends once she left Carmel. If and when she left, her only connection to Oliver and Kendra would be through Jesse and she didn't think that either of them would go out of the way to maintain their fledgling friendship with her. She spared an ounce of regret for that fact, but of course, most of it went towards her mother, who apparently had no family other than the daughter who wasn't even willing to give their relationship a try. Rachel didn't think it was possible to feel worse than she had all day long, but clearly she was wrong.

During her final class that day it was all she could do to keep up the pretense of paying attention. If the teacher had asked her what today's lesson had been about she would have no idea. She didn't even know what subject she was supposed to be studying. When the final bell rang she practically leapt from her chair, and she had made it out to her car before most of the other students made it out of the classroom. It was only 2:00 and already she was wanted this day to be over.

Her phone rang and the caller ID flashed Jesse's name but Rachel didn't answer it, sending the call straight to voicemail instead. As calming as it had been to be with him that morning, their discussion at lunch had been the exact opposite, and until she figured out what she was going to do being around him seemed like a bad idea. He was just one more person she was now determined to avoid today, so she started her car and drove out of the parking lot before he came looking for her. She headed towards home, secure in the knowledge that both of her parents would be at work by now.

She honestly didn't know what to do. She felt like one of those kids who had to choose between their divorced parents, knowing that someone would end up being hurt no matter what she did. She had tried using reason, stepping away from the problem to make a logical decision, but it simply did not work. She couldn't find objectivity when the question was so incredibly emotional for her. It felt like she was standing too close. Like the answer she needed was right in front of her, but her own involvement made it impossible to see and there was no possible way for her to take a step back. She needed someone to talk to. Someone who had some sort of perspective that wasn't compromised by their own bias or emotion. Obviously both of her dads were out of the question, and so was Jesse.

That left…

As she walked into her house Rachel tried to think of someone, _anyone_, else that she could talk to about this. There was her therapist, of course, but she generally avoided talking to him as much as possible. The only reason she agreed to talk to him in the first place was because her dads had insisted, and she did her best not to go to him unless absolutely necessary. No, what she really needed right now was a friend. Rachel walked into her bedroom and closed the door. The list of people she considered 'friends' had been incredibly short even before she left McKinley high, but now that she really needed one to talk to her mind was drawing a complete blank. That fact scared her more than she was usually willing to admit.

She mechanically took off her jacket and hung it up in her closet. As she was about to turn away her eyes latched onto a piece of clothing that didn't belong there. Puck's jacket.

She reached out and took it off the hanger, thinking about the girl who had done her best to scrounge up an outfit for her after she had been slushied and her clothes stolen. While everyone else had stood around and laughed at Rachel's humiliation Quinn had done her best to help, without being asked and without expecting anything in return afterward. It was one of the only (if not _the_ only) genuinely selfless acts of friendship Rachel had experienced at McKinley high, and the fact that it had come from Quinn Fabray, with all the history they had between them, made it all the more significant for her. Sitting down on her bed with the jacket in hand, Rachel was aware that under any other circumstances she probably wouldn't be considering this, but she really needed _somebody _to help her figure this out, and as sad as it was to admit, she didn't have anyone else she could turn to right now. She considered it a sure sign of her own desperation, but that didn't stop her from finding pulling out her phone and dialing Quinn's number.

* * *

**A/N:** So Hiram wasn't entirely wrong when he said that Rachel might not be fully prepared to deal with knowing about Shelby. The good news is that next chapter we will get to see some Rachel and Quinn interaction, Rachel finally figures out exactly what she is going to to do, and you get an update on what is going on in ND.


	11. Tuesday part 2: Quinn

**A/N:** I got about halfway done with this chapter, when I realized that Rachel's point of view wasn't really giving anyone any new information. It felt like I was just going over things that happened last chapter, and I couldn't figure out what to do about until a few days ago. I went back and rewrote the entire chapter from a different characters perspective, and it flowed a lot better. Unfortunately (or luckily) that means that this chapter was once again longer than I wanted it to be (not a long as last chapter) so I once again had to cut it. Tuesday has now become a three parter instead of a two parter, but I think you guys are going to like where it picks up next chapter. In the meantime, enjoy!

**Tuesday**

_Quinn_

As she walked through the crowded hallways of McKinley high, Quinn Fabray felt like a blimp. No, she thought as yet another person jumped out of her way, not a blimp. A Zeppelin. Because honestly, there was no better metaphor for her life right now than the Hindenburg. A single spark between her and Noah Puckerman was all it had taken to turn her life into a fiery disaster. It was no wonder that they all watched her as she passed with that morbid fascination in their eyes. Somewhere along the line her life had become a spectator sport.

As she made it to her locker she saw girls in Cheerios uniforms walking down the hallway. These were the girls Quinn used to spend her time with. She can recall each and every one of them fawning over her at one point or another as they tried to gain entrance into her inner circle. Now their eyes slid past her as though she wasn't even there, seemingly the only ones who didn't notice her. She didn't know which hurt more, the gawking stares she got from everyone else, or the 'Invisible woman' treatment she got from her old friends.

She stuffed her books into her locker roughly and slammed it closed, getting a bitter satisfaction when one of the startled cheerios looked over at her before quickly averting her gaze. Quinn turned away with a smirk on her face. No matter how hard they tried, none of them would ever be able to fill out the Queen Bee role as well as she had.

Mercedes and Kurt converged on her halfway down the hallway, seemingly from different directions. She didn't react, though they had surprised her a little. It was strange the way they did that so perfectly, like they had synchronized their watches or something…

"Hey, babe!" Mercedes greeted her sweetly.

"Did you hear about Mr. Schue and Coach Sylvester?" Kurt asked dramatically, brushing shoulders with her in a friendly way. Rumors had been flying around the school about a particularly harsh confrontation between the two adults in the teacher's lounge. Of course, no students had been present at the time, but the teachers at this school gossiped just as much as any of the students did. Obviously the story had spread like wild fire.

"I heard Mr. Schue hit her!" Mercedes said excitedly, relishing in the new gossip.

"If he'd hit her he would have been fired," Quinn was not buying into any of the rumors she had heard that day. No matter how lax Principal Figgins could be at times, there was no way that he could let two teachers come to blows on school property and do nothing to reprimand them, if only because Coach Sylvester would undoubtedly use it as a stepping board to push her corporal punishment agenda. As an afterthought she added, "Coach Sylvester would _destroy_ Mr. Schue in a fight."

Mercedes considered that. "She is freakishly strong," she agreed.

"So, he _almost_ hit her," Kurt conceded, not really caring about the details of the story. "The point is, Mr. Schue has been on the war path since yesterday, and we all know why." He shot Mercedes a significant look and she returned it. Quinn knew exactly where this was heading.

"Rachel is gone. What can we do about it?" She asked rhetorically. She had accepted the fact that Rachel would eventual leave, probably before Rachel herself had, and she didn't blame her for it. She'd only been unpopular for a few months, and already she felt like she was ready to snap. The only thing she didn't understand was how the other girl had stuck around for so long to begin with.

"We have to figure out a way to get her to come back," Kurt decided determinedly. Quinn was willing to bet money that the idea of apologizing to Rachel had never even occurred to him.

"Offer her all the free argyle outfits she wants, from now till Regionals?" Mercedes suggested, prompting a snort from Kurt. Quinn found it sort of amazing that they couldn't understand Rachel's compulsion to leave. The two of them had lived at the bottom of the social ladder their whole lives, and she could tell that they were desperate to escape it. After years of torture at the hands of cheerios they had both jumped at the opportunity to join the kids who had treated them so horribly, even when they knew they were just being used by Sue Sylvester. The chance of finding wider acceptance among the student body had been too much for them to pass up. So why couldn't they see that Rachel was just trying to do the same thing?

Kurt stopped walking and turned to them, effectively stopping them both in their tracks. "Seriously, I already talked to Artie and Tina, and today during rehearsals we're going to have a brainstorming session. After everything we've done to get this far, we are not about to lose at Regionals because of Rachel Berry."

"What do you guys think you're going to offer her that'll get her to come back?" Did they seriously think that Rachel would have left in the first place if the situation was so easy to fix?

He waved a hand dismissively. "I don't care if I have to kidnap her and tie her to a chair in the choir room till Regionals."

"Come on, Quinn, you know Jesse is just playing her. He'll dump her as soon as Regionals are over. We're doing her a favor." Mercedes seemed to honestly believe that, and although Quinn knew that they were doing themselves a favor more than Rachel, their justifications for it struck a chord with her anyway. Rachel thought she was in love with Jesse, and that was great and all, but after the way he'd up and left her without a word only a week ago Quinn wasn't so certain of his feelings. The chance that he might leave her after Vocal Adrenaline won Regionals seemed like a very real possibility.

Looking over her shoulder Kurt said excitedly, "Oh look, there's Finn. Finn!" He called out, practically running to the football player's side. He was absolutely determined to be the shoulder that Finn cried on now that Rachel was gone, and had made a point of trying to be next to the other boy whenever he could. Finn hadn't shed any tears though, because he was the only member of the club who still thought that this was just another one of Rachel's Diva fits, and that she would return in a few days. His naiveté never ceased to amaze Quinn.

"Come on," Mercedes wrapped her arm companionably through Quinn's and tried to lead the pregnant girl towards their teammates.

Quinn pulled back, drawing Mercedes to a stop. She looked to the other end of the hallway, where Kurt had put an arm around a decidedly uncomfortable Finn, and then back to Mercedes, who was looking at her with obvious curiosity. "I'm not feeling all that great," Quinn lied unabashedly. "I think I'm going to just go home in lie down for a bit."

"Are you alright?" Mercedes asked with genuine concern, still gripping Quinn's arm lightly. "Is it the baby?"

"No, I'm fine. Just normal pregnancy fatigue." She shrugged helplessly. In all the morning sickness, nausea, and general pain, the one good thing she had discovered about pregnancy was that it was a handy excuse to get you out of just about anything. No one wanted to upset an overly-hormonal pregnant-teenage-girl.

"If you're sure," Mercedes told her, still clearly worried. Quinn was almost annoyed by the way everyone suddenly thought she was so fragile, but she reminded herself that she was currently using that assumption to her benefit.

"I just need to rest," Quinn said with a tired smile. "Can you tell Mr. Schue I won't be at rehearsals today?"

"Yeah, no problem." Mercedes nodded understandingly, finally accepting that fact that Quinn wasn't about to collapse before her eyes.

"I'll see you later," the pregnant girl said lightly, heading down the hall away from the glee club members. Whatever she was going to do this afternoon, she had no intention of spending the next hour and thirty minutes discussing ways of getting Rachel Berry to come back to McKinley. It was a lost cause as far as she was concerned. And ditching out on Glee also had the added bonus of sparing her from having to deal with Mr. Schue's pissy mood. Pulling out her cell phone she sent Puck a text telling him that she was heading home, and reassuring him that it was nothing serious. She knew that he worried about her whenever she did anything out of the ordinary, and Quinn found it incredibly annoying. Also extremely sweet, but mainly, annoying.

Her phone rang in her hand a few seconds after she hit send, and she almost turned it off without looking at it, assuming that it was Puck. The name on the screen caught her attention before he thumb could press down on the end call button, and she held back in surprise. Rachel Berry was calling? Why the hell would Rachel be calling her? For a minute Quinn wondered at the karma of it. Speak of the devil and he doth appear. Or call as the case may be.

She remembered their brief exchange yesterday morning when she had chased after the Diva. After everything the two of them had been through over the years it seemed wrong to let her walk away without saying a proper goodbye, especially if there was a good chance they would never see each other again. They had said that they would see each other around, but Quinn hadn't honestly expected Rachel to keep in touch with her. The two of them had been close once upon a time, but that had been a very long time ago, and she didn't think it was possible for Rachel to sweep all the years between then and now under the rug. After all, it wasn't like one week of almost-friendship could possibly erase the years of social torture she had rained down on the young singer during her cheerios days. Then again, the fact that she and Rachel had been able to sustain that one week of almost-friendship at all should be proved that the Diva's had a larger capacity for forgiveness than Quinn had ever expected.

With curiosity brimming, she brought the phone to her ear and pressed talk. "Rachel?" she asked uncertainly.

"Hi Quinn," the voice that came through the phone sounded tired and more than a little apprehensive. Quinn stepped into an empty classroom so she didn't have to split her attention between glaring at people who stared at her and talking to Rachel. "How have you been?"

"Since yesterday? Still pregnant." The reply was out of her mouth before she could stop it and she immediately regretted her sarcastic tone. It was like her default mode.

Sounding slightly distracted Rachel said, "Right. Good." Quinn held back the remark that rested on the tip of her tongue as Rachel realized exactly what she had just said. "Not 'good'. I mean, not that it's 'not good', not that it's _bad_, just…" she sounded hopelessly flustered, and Quinn took pity on her.

"What's up Rachel?" she asked, cutting off the rambling explanation before the other girl could dig herself further into a hole. There was definitely something going on with the young singer. This wasn't her usual articulate 'I'm-making-a-point' type of rambling, this was Finn-ish 'I-just-stuck-my-foot-in-my-mouth, now-watch-me-backpedal' rambling. There was silence on the other end of the line and Quinn imagined the other girl taking a deep breath and trying to collect herself. "Are you alright?" She wasn't sure why, but that seemed like the right question to ask. The silence that lingered between them after she'd asked that question, while brief, was very telling. Quinn began to wonder what could have gone wrong within less than 48 hours that would have Rachel Berry calling her…It had to be something to do with Carmel or Vocal Adrenaline or else she would be talking with Jesse about this…or maybe she was having issues with BoyDiva himself…

"Yeah…I'm fine," Rachel's reply came out sounding less than convincing. "I just, um…I have Puck's jacket. With everything that happened yesterday it completely slipped my mind, and I know he probably wants it back so – "

"Why don't you come over?" The invitation was out of Quinn's mouth before she could fully think it through. She didn't know who was more surprised, Rachel or her.

"Come over? You mean to your – Noah's – house?" The confusion in Rachel's voice was clear, but there was something else there, an almost hopeful tone.

"…Yeah," Quinn said, deciding to let the invitation stand and wondering how long it would take before she regretted it. "Unless you have something else to do, you could bring the jacket over and we could hang out…or something…" She floundered towards the end, not sure what to say and leaving Rachel a way out just in case she wanted to back away from this. During the last week Rachel had been at Carmel they had made definite strides towards friendship, with Quinn sitting beside Rachel in Glee club meetings (despite Santana's distaste) and acknowledging each other in the hallways, but it was nowhere near the level where they were inviting each other over to each others houses again.

"Sure, that sounds like fun!" Quinn got the feeling that Rachel was just as much out of her depth as she was, but the singer was covering it with enthusiasm. "Unless you have Glee rehearsals or something…" It seemed Rachel was extending her the same courtesy, a tactful way to back out without either of them feeling bad about it.

"No," Quinn assured her, committing to their little get together. If Rachel was willing to put herself out there then there was no way she was going to be the one to back out. It wasn't like she had anything else to do, since the only people she hung out with these days would all be in the Glee meeting right now. "I'm about to head home right now. I should be there in like 10 minutes.

"Ok," the relief evident in her voice. "I'll meet you there in 20?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you then," Quinn told her before disconnecting the call and staring down at the phone in her hand like it was a foreign object. She was trying to figure out what had just happened. How had she just ended up inviting Rachel Berry over to Puck's house? Rachel obviously hadn't called to tell her about Puck's jacket, or else she wouldn't have been so nervous about it. But if it wasn't about the jacket, then she had no idea what that call had really been about, or why Rachel had chosen to call _her_ of all people…

Her mind flashed back to Friday, and how she had come across a large group of her peers pointing and laughing at someone she couldn't see. At one time Quinn would have been at the very center of the spectacle, rubbing salt in the open wound of whatever poor unpopular soul had earned her ire that week. Now at the back of the crowd, on the outside looking in both figuratively and literally. But as much as she resented her current status and missed her old life, she had to admit that it was only a small part of her that wanted it back now. She wished that it hadn't happened, that she had remained ignorant of how easily her perfect little life could be destroyed and how quickly everyone she had counted as friends would abandon her. She wished that she could still believe that her parents loved her unconditionally, and that her boyfriend would stand by her through anything. But there _were_ conditions to her parents love, and there was only so much her relationship with Finn could take before it fell apart. And now that she knew that, she could never pretend like it hadn't happened. She would never go back to her old life.

She had been about to walk away from the jeering mob when a small gap allowed her to see the victim of this merciless bullying. Her stomach had clenched uncomfortably when she recognized the slushie covered form and realized that she was standing in front of Rachel's locker. The singer stood frozen in front of the open door with her back to the crowd, and Quinn wondered why she didn't just take her things and walk (run) away. It was only as she pushed her way closer that she noticed the words written inside of the tagged up locker and knew what must have happened. Glancing around at the laughing people around her she wondered if any one of them realized how easily this could have been them. For Quinn it had had always been a nagging thought, after all she and Rachel had been so close, but it had taken life altering tumble from her throne before she fully realized how thin the line really was.

Breaking away from the crowd, Quinn stepped up to Rachel's side and gently laid a hand on her slushie covered shoulder in silent support. It broke her heart to see the tear tracks cutting their way down her cheeks and standing out in stark contrast to the purple dye that covered the rest of her face. Quinn couldn't stop her mind from recalling all of the times she must have caused a similar reaction in the girl who suddenly seemed so fragile to her. Taking her by the arm she steered Rachel to the bathroom, but the other girl didn't react at all, so she had done her best to do it for her, being as gentle as she could as she tried to clean away the slushie. After a few minutes Rachel had snapped out of her almost catatonic state and taken over, so Quinn had gone to find her clothes and then led her to the girl's locker room to shower and change.

If she had done anything to earn back a little of Rachel's trust, that must have been it. If Rachel needed her help again, Quinn resolved to do whatever she could to help. It probably wouldn't make up for all of the horrible things she had done over the years, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to try. Getting into her car (one of the only bits of mercy her parents had shown), Quinn drove to the Puckerman's home and parked on the street out front. She saw that Puck's mother's car was in the driveway and let out a little sigh. Mrs. Puckerman, while not nearly as bad as her own parents would have been to Puck, clearly did not like her. She never said anything, or openly criticized Quinn, but she didn't really have to. The waves of disapproval rolled off of the woman every time Quinn walked into a room, so Quinn did her best to stay out of Mrs. Puckerman's way.

Opening the front door she called out a short greeting, just to let the woman know she was there, and then quickly disappeared into the room she had commandeered as her own. It was clearly the room of a teenage boy, and no amount of her things mixed in was going to change that. She didn't complain though. She was very well aware of the fact that she had absolutely no where else to go, so she made due. Puck had quite willingly given up his claim on the room for a place on the couch, and Quinn tried to remind herself to be grateful for it. Whenever the subject came up she always blamed him for her current predicament, mainly because she needed _somebody_ to blame, but logically she knew that he hadn't planned for this either. She wouldn't say that it had been as hard for him as it was for her because it really, _really, _wasn't…but he was doing his best to make things easier for her where he could.

Looking at the football shaped clock on the bedside table Quinn walked back into the living room, and just as she'd predicted the doorbell rang at exactly twenty minutes after their phone call. Smirking she opened the door. "It's weird the way you do that," she told Rachel by way of greeting.

"Punctuality is the mark of a professional."

"Or a compulsive disorder," Quinn told her with a smirk, opening the door further and stepping out of the way so that Rachel could step inside. With a cursory once over she could tell that she was absolutely right about her assumption on the phone. The usually prim young singer looked tired and stressed out, with clear tension in her shoulders that indicated more than just good posture.

Rachel studied her in a similar way, but averted her gaze when she noticed that Quinn had caught her at it. "I brought Noah's jacket," she said, holding it out for Quinn to take.

"Thank god. He's been whining about this damn jacket for the past few days. He hasn't shut up about it." Quinn tossed it on the couch where she knew that Puck would find it as soon as he got home.

Rachel looked apologetic. "I'm sorry I forgot that I even had it, but you can assure Noah that I didn't get any on it or anything else. If he wants I can bring it to be dry cleaned though –"

"Rachel? Is that you?" Mrs. Puckerman called as she walked out of the kitchen. Rachel turned around and the older woman stepped forward to embrace her. Of course she would love Rachel, Quinn thought. What parent wouldn't love Rachel? Well…her parents hadn't loved Rachel, but only after they found out that she had two gay dads.

"Hello, Mrs. Puckerman," Rachel said politely, and Quinn was happy to note that her voice sounded a little forced.

"How have you been, dear?"

"Great," Rachel said simply, and Quinn took the opportunity to step in.

"Rachel and I were just heading to Puck's room to hangout."

"Oh," Mrs. Puckerman said, giving Quinn a far less excited greeting. She imagined that Puck's mother wouldn't be quite as disappointed if he had knocked up Rachel. "Are you staying for dinner, dear?"

"I'm afraid I can't, my parents are expecting me home for dinner," Rachel told her apologetically.

Shooting Mrs. Puckerman her best fake smile Quinn said, "Come on, Rachel," and led the other girl out of the living room and down the hall to the bedroom. Although she hid it better, Quinn could tell that Rachel was just as glad to be rid of Mrs. Puckerman's company as she was. She wondered how many times Rachel had come here with Puck, but she pushed those thoughts aside when she once again turned to look at Rachel and saw the girl standing near the door uncertainly.

"So how is everything?" Rachel asked, making idle chit chat.

"Um, pretty similar to how it was when you asked me twenty minutes ago," Quinn told her with a light smile.

Rachel blushed. "So why didn't you have rehearsals today?"

"The team has been brainstorming ways to get you back to McKinley," Quinn revealed, taking a seat on her (Puck's) bed.

Rachel looked up at that with a slight smirk working its way onto her face, "Oh, Really? Did you guys come up with anything good?" She was curious despite herself.

"If you see Kurt's truck creeping up behind you, run away," Quinn advised. "He seemed to think kidnapping was the best way to go."

Rachel laughed at the idea, but Quinn watched as her mind actually worked out the likely hood of that plan and her smile slowly faded. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Anyway, I really didn't feel like spending the next hour and a half discussing ways to win you back…" Rachel couldn't stop the twitch of her lips. "You're loving this aren't you?" Quinn asked, already having a good idea of the answer.

"A little bit, yeah," she admitted and stepped further into the room and looked around at Puck's many video games, the sports paraphernalia all around the room, and the very male oriented posters that were on the walls, before bringing her gaze back to Quinn.

"I'm sure you do…So is there? A chance that you're going to come back?" It seemed like a pointless question to ask, but given the fact that Rachel was currently here talking to her instead of BoyDiva, she couldn't help wondering.

Rachel shook her head, "there really isn't." Quinn accepted that without comment. Rachel walked over and hesitantly sat down next to her on the bed. "How's the baby?"

"Fine. The baby is fine." Her tone came off a bit sharper than she had intended, but something about Rachel's question made her think of an earlier conversation she'd had with Puck that had gotten under her skin. Rachel was looking at her curiously, clearly wondering at the barely hidden frustration, so she told her, "Puck wants to name her 'Jack Daniels' or 'Jackie Daniels' if I prefer." He had offered up the more girlish variation as though that would somehow make it a less ridiculous suggestion. She was not about to call her daughter…anything…because she wasn't going to _have_ a daughter. She was having a baby. That's it. What the baby's parents decided to call it would be up to them.

"I take it you said 'no'?" Rachel asked lightly.

"We're _not_ naming her," Quinn said with more force than absolutely necessary, telling herself as much as she was Rachel. For a minute both girls quietly considered those words.

"So you still plan on giving her up?" Rachel asked with a soft and uncertain tone, with her own thoughts clearly somewhere else.

There was a small and yet very loud voice in Quinn's head that told her to say 'no', but she forced it down and reigned in control of her emotions with a firm grip. It was one of the skills she had picked up from 16 years living in the Fabray household, and she appreciated just as much as she hated it in that moment. "Yes," she said simply.

"Do you ever think about keeping her?" Rachel pressed insistently, and Quinn's eyes snapped up to her face. The other girl was staring down at her oversized belly and Quinn's eyes followed hers to find that she had absentmindedly been rubbing her belly all along. She clenched her hand into a fist and forced the rebellious extremity down to her lap.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" Quinn pointedly changed the subject. How the hell had this conversation become about her when she was supposed to be helping Rachel with _her _issues? She wondered again when she had become the person that Rachel Berry came running to with her problems. One kind act and she was suddenly the closest friend Rachel had?

Rachel cleared her throat nervously, "Quinn…" Rachel thought for a moment and then turned to fully face her on the bed, "What I'm about to tell you…I need you to promise me that you won't tell anyone else without my permission."

"Who exactly do you think is going to care?" Quinn asked, slipping back into her Cheerios persona as a sort of defense mechanism. Rachel winced at the harshness of her words and Quinn immediately wished she could take them back. Swallowing her own anger she looked up at Rachel apologetically and tried to think of something she could say. 'Sorry' seemed inadequate, so instead she said, "Whatever you want to tell me, I promise I won't repeat it to anyone without your expressed permission," and hoped that she hadn't ruined whatever they had going on here.

Rachel seemed to withdraw back into herself and was silent for a long while, her eyes studying Quinn's face. Quinn forced herself not to look away and did her best to convey her sincerity. That little regression to her Cheerios days had probably just reminded Rachel of exactly who it was she was talking to and made the young star (in training) rethink whatever it was she was about to reveal. Feeling like she should say something else Quinn racked her brain for something that might convince Rachel that she genuinely did want to listen, and she was suddenly hit with a bought of inspiration. Leaning forward slightly, Quinn stuck out her hand and slowly curled her fingers into a lose fist while leaving a single pinkie finger extended.

Rachel almost laughed at the gesture, but Quinn was just happy to see that she was no longer looking at her like a wounded puppy. Looking back and forth between Quinn's expectant eyes and the outstretched pinkie, Rachel gave her a shy smile and let her own pinkie finger interlock with Quinn's, as was once a ritual between them whenever one of them needed to share one of her most private secrets. Neither of them had done this in years, Rachel because she had no one to do it with, and Quinn because it was too childish for her. She couldn't care less about that right now. In all seriousness she said, "I Quinn Fabray, solemnly swear not to tell anybody or ever what you are about to tell for as long as we both shall live, cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." It was the exact oath that they used to swear when they were children and they both smiled at the memory. It was enough for Rachel who scooted forward a bit and looked at Quinn with excited, but apprehensive eyes.

In a tightly controlled voice she said, "I had a talk with my dads last night and…they told me who my mother is."

Blinking a few times Quinn had to run those words through her mind three more times before she was certain that she hadn't misheard. "Oh my god!" she finally exclaimed in disbelief, with curiosity thrown in for good measure. Back when they were kids Rachel's dads had been so secretive about information regarding her mother. After hearing one of her fathers mention the term 'surrogate' while she had been eavesdropping, Rachel and Quinn had spent hours on the internet trying to figure out exactly what it meant.

"Your dads finally told you? Who is she!" Quinn demanded excitedly. She had always loved a good mystery, and once Rachel had revealed her longing to actually _know_ her mother it had become a sort of game for them to try to figure out who she might be. Inevitably Rachel would always try to find a link between her and some Broadway or movie star, but Quinn's guesses had always been focused on people a lot closer to home. From the check out woman at the grocery store, to a woman who worked at the law firm with Mr. Berry, to random people they would see on the street, there had been at least a dozen woman in Lima that Quinn had been absolutely convinced were Rachel's mom at one point or another.

Taking a deep breath Rachel tried to come up with the best way to say it, before finally settling on just spiting it out. "My mom…is Shelby Corcoran." Quinn stared at her with clear surprise written across her face and Rachel waited with baited breath for her to say something.

Quinn was silent for a few long seconds, her brows furrowed in consideration, running the name through her mind and letting that information sink in before finally she said, "Who?" The name sounded familiar and Quinn was sure that she had heard it somewhere before, but she honestly couldn't place it.

This seemed to be the last reaction Rachel was expecting, because she now stared at Quinn as though she had just thrown a glass of cold water in her face. Her mouth hug slightly open and she seemed to be trying to control her own response. Quinn wondered if she had just upset her or said something –

"Ha!" A burst of laughter was ripped out of Rachel's chest unbidden, and she covered her mouth in surprise. Quinn was absolutely flabbergasted and it must have shown on her face, because Rachel couldn't stop the little giggles that followed. Soon her body was shaking with uncontrollable laughter and it seemed to be all she could do to stop herself from toppling off of the bed. "I'm-…I-…it's just-…" she tried to explain but it came out in unintelligible gasps. Quinn didn't know whether to be worried, frightened or insulted, so she settled on a mixture of the three.

"What?" she asked with concerned irritation.

Rachel had tears pooling in her eyes as she tried to control herself. She was certain that if she didn't stop laughing soon she would suffocate to death, but every time her vision cleared enough for her to see the look on Quinn's face it set off another fit of laughter.

"What?" Quinn demanded, but it seemed that the laughter was contagious, because she couldn't keep her face straight anymore. "Are you high or something?" she asked, choking down her own giggles. If she was then Quinn was definitely getting a contact high. That only made Rachel laugh harder and soon neither one of them could speak. Quinn had no fucking clue why they were both laughing like a couple of dumbasses, but neither one of them could stop. She fell back on her pillows and let the unexpected wave of euphoria wash over her, completely obliterating whatever sadness she had held just a few moments before.

Every single time one of them started to regain control the other would start up again, and Quinn had no idea how long this went on for. Finally she stood up and locked herself in the bathroom to try to regain some semblance of control over her emotions. She heard Rachel quieting down after a few minutes and finally deemed it safe to go back into the room, but the moment she opened the door to her room the giggles started back up again and she cursed, throwing the nearest item she could get her hands on (a pen) at Rachel's head. It probably took another twenty minutes after that for either one of them to calm down. By the time they were done Quinn felt physically lighter. She couldn't remember ever laughing so hard in her life. She blamed the hormones.

Rachel couldn't explain the sudden feeling of glee that had come over her, but there was something about the complete unexpectedness of Quinn's anticlimactic reaction that seemed perfect to her in that moment. She had expected shock, or disbelief, or even anger, but complete obliviousness was not something she had prepared herself for. Sitting up in bed she looked at Quinn rubbing her face, "My cheeks hurt," the girl explained, sounding like a five year old. Rachel chuckled but maintained control over herself. "Who the hell is Shelby Corcoran? Why does that name sound familiar?" Quinn demanded exhaustedly, feeling like she'd just done a complete work out.

"She's the coach of Vocal Adrenaline," Rachel finally explained.

Once again Quinn blamed her hormone addled body, but It took her mind a moment to register what Rachel had just said, "Your mother is the coach of Vocal Adrenaline?" She seemed to get a second wind as she sat up, staring at Rachel with disbelief.

"Yes," Rachel said soberly. Most of the levity had left her, but so had a lot of the stress she that had been building inside her since she first found out the truth. "My dads were waiting for me when I got home last night…" Once Rachel started talking she couldn't stop until everything she knew was out in the open, from Shelby going to her dads, to her dads explaining about her birth, and finally giving her the power to make her own choice about what to do next.

For her part, Quinn listened intently as she spoke, allowing Rachel to get everything off her chest and simply taking it all in. "Wow," Quinn said succinctly when she was done, expressing Rachel's own state of mind perfectly. "So what are you going to do?" her hand had once again found the bump under her shirt, but this time she didn't stop herself from rubbing circles around her belly. All that laughter had made the baby start kicking like crazy, and she was trying to calm her down.

"That's the million dollar question, isn't it?" Rachel said tiredly. She closed her eyes for a minute to think, but she still found herself at a loss.

For Quinn it didn't seem like much of a question at all. "I would think it would be obvious…" Quinn said after a few seconds of silence. Rachel opened her eyes and looked over at the girl, hoping for an answer. "You've been curious about your mother since we were kids; you've always wanted to know who she was. Now you actually have a chance…" lightly shrugging she asked, "what's stopping you?"

"It isn't as simple as that…What about my dads? They're my _parents_. Bringing Shelby into our lives would be really hard for them."

Quinn couldn't believe that Rachel was being so self-sacrificing (stupid), but once again the answer seemed obvious. "So don't do it," Quinn suggested.

Rachel shook her head. "I can't just…I can't just go back to pretending I don't know who she is or where she is…It's not the simple." That seemed to be her new mantra.

"So what you're saying is, no matter what you do somebody is going to get hurt?" Rachel nodded her head dejectedly and Quinn thought that over for a second. "Then the only thing you can do is try to mitigate the damage." If someone was bound to be hurt either way, then the best thing for her to do would be to pick the one that she could live with, and let the pieces fall where they may. It was a choice between the lesser of two evils.

Bringing her head down to hands Rachel quietly admitted, "I don't know how to do that."

To Quinn it sounded like she was making this situation a lot more complicated than it needed to be, but she felt no need to belabor the point. Clearly this indecision was why Rachel had come to her. "Your dads said they were leaving this decision up to you, right?" Rachel nodded her head. "So, you think that when they said it was 'up to you' they didn't take into account the possibility that you might actually want to know your mother?" Rachel looked up at her, unable to come up with an answer and Quinn pressed on, "I mean, do you think they would have left it up to you if they thought _they_ couldn't handle you choosing to get to know your mom?" Rachel opened her mouth but Quinn didn't let her speak, "'Cause it seems to me that the easiest way to keep her out of the picture is by not telling you about her at all. I mean, if she can't legally contact you until your 18 then why not just continue to pretend as though she doesn't exist?"

"They know that I know that bringing Shelby into our lives would be hurtful to them," Rachel clarified.

Easily spotting the hole in that logical train of thought, Quinn asked, "So this is all just some sort of mind game? They offer you the choice because they know that your guilt will stop you from choosing the option they don't like? That's…brilliant. In a super manipulative kind of way."

Predictably Rachel defended them. "Of course not! They would never do something like that."

"So they left this decision up to you, knowing that you might choose something they don't like, but willing to accept it anyway?"

Rachel stared at Quinn as her mind wrapped itself around the pregnant girl's logic, and found herself unable to say anything but "Yes."

"So, I'll ask again, what's stopping you?" Rachel looked away from Quinn, her eyes scanning around Puck's room as she thought about that question. After nearly a minute of silence she glanced back over at Quinn to find the girl still looking at her just as intently as before. She dropped her eyes down to her hands.

"What if she doesn't like me?" The vulnerability in her own voice embarrassed her.

For a moment Quinn was once again shocked into silence. "What?" her voice was gentle now, "Rachel –"

"Or what if I don't like her?" Rachel asked with a bit more strength in her voice to compensate for her previous words. "There are a million ways that this relationship could go wrong, and then what?" she shook her head to herself thinking about it, "If we try it and it doesn't work out, there's no taking that back, or pretending that it didn't happen. I won't even have the dream of a mother anymore."

"And if it goes right?" Quinn continued in the same gentle tone she'd used before, "Then you have _better_ than a dream. Then you'll have your _real mom_." Rachel still looked unsure. Scared. Without thinking Quinn reached out a hand and then hesitated for a second. Rachel glanced up into her face and then grasped Quinn's hand lightly before she could pull it back in embarrassment. Feeling a bit more confident Quinn squeezed it and said, "I've never known you to walk away from a challenge just because you might potentially get your feelings hurt."

"Crushed to a pulp more like it," Rachel corrected, but Quinn was happy to see that the diva was returning to her normal overly-dramatic self.

"Whatever," Quinn said with an eye roll. "…Do you think it's worth the risks?"

This time the other girl only took a few seconds to consider it. "Yes," she said finally, with the corner of her lips twitching up into the hint of a smile. There was still fear in her voice and written across her face, but now it was accompanied by hope.

Quinn smiled back at her and asked once again, "So…what's stopping you?"

"Nothing…" Rachel said to herself more than Quinn, and Quinn watched as a dozen different emotions played across her face. She was sure that it was nothing compared to the torrent of emotions going on inside of Rachel right now, but the little smile on the singers face refused to fade. Quinn waited quietly as she figured things out for herself.

When Rachel finally began to come out of her own head a bit, Quinn asked, "So why are you still here?" Rachel looked startled at that question, probably taking it to mean that Quinn wanted her gone, so she quickly clarified, "Go see your mom!"

Rachel looked even more startled at that thought. Apparently logically accepting the fact that she wanted to know her mother hadn't prepared her to take any actual steps towards it. "I can't," Rachel immediately said, feeling a spike of adrenaline shoot through her at the thought. "It's…" She glanced over at the football shaped clock beside the bed and was surprised that it was so late, "it's 7:15," she couldn't believe that so much time had passed.

"So?" Quinn asked, knowing that it wouldn't matter to Shelby. If it were her daughter…No. She would not go there. Focusing her attention back on Rachel she asked, "You don't think she's going to want to see you?"

"She's probably busy," Rachel hedged.

"Right. So you'll just see her at school tomorrow. In class. With all of your classmates around. I'm sure it'll be a touching reunion." Quinn fell back into her usual sarcasm in order to balance out her earlier sincerity.

Rachel seemed to get her point though. If she was intending on showing up to school tomorrow and going to her mom's class (and her audition), then she would have to speak with her tonight. "I don't know her address…" Rachel said, making one last attempt to justify putting it off.

"I'm sure BoyDiva does," Quinn said dismissively. If he was anything like Rachel, which they both knew he was, then he probably had no problem with dropping by a teacher's house to deliver personally categorized notes on the latest song or dance routine that didn't fit his approval. Rachel had officially just run out of reasons to put this off until later.

"I…guess you're right," Rachel finally admitted with a defeated sigh. She pulled out her phone and sent Jesse a text message asking for Shelby Corcoran's home address. When that was done she looked back up at Quinn and felt gratitude. She had simply come here to vent and talk to someone who didn't have a stake in her choice. She never expected that she would actually have anything worked out by the time she left, but here she was. Thanks to Quinn. "Your deductive and reasoning skills would make you perfectly suited for a career in law enforcement," she told the other girl seriously.

Quinn laughed at that, recalling, as she was sure Rachel did, how much she had loved to pretend to be Sherlock Holmes when they were kids. At one point she had seriously wanted to be a spy or an FBI agent or something. Thinking back now, she wasn't sure when that dream had faded. "Oh yeah, Detective Quinn Fabray," she said making a gun with her hands.

"Quinn Fabray, FBI," Rachel said in her best federal agent voice. They both laughed until Rachel's phone buzzed with Jesse's reply. The address he sent was maybe ten minutes away from here. She sent him back a vague explanation for why she needed the information and then turned back to Quinn. The pregnant girl had risen to her feet and Rachel stood up too. "Thank you," she said genuinely, "I don't know what –"

"Yeah," Quinn said interrupting. "Can we not - ?" before she could finish her request the young singer had stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her in hug, mindful of the pregnant girls stomach. Quinn immediately stiffened, and lightly brought a hand up to pat Rachel on the back. "And we're hugging…we are hugging…" she commented out loud. The other girl didn't seem to notice her discomfort with this fact.

Just to make this touching little scene better a voice from over by the doorway said, "So this is what chicks do when there are no guys around…" Quinn closed her eyes and grimaced.

Rachel pulled away. "Noah," she said, in slightly surprised greeting.

"Don't mind me," he said helpfully, leaning against the door frame to his bedroom with a smirk. "I've had dreams that started like this." Rachel blushed and rolled her eyes.

"What did I tell you about knocking?" Quinn said in an irritated voice, having already been over this with him on multiple occasions. He usually only did it when she had Santana or Brittany over in hopes of walking in on a 'lesbian moment' as he liked to call them.

"When the rooms a rockin'…" Puck moved further into the room. Once again reaching for the closest thing at hand, Quinn chucked one of his miniature Mario 'action figures' at him. He caught it in his hand as it came sailing towards his head and then raised his hands in surrender. "Chill, baby mama, I just came to see if you guys wanted dinner."

Quinn tried to continue glaring, but she couldn't stop her stomach from growling. "What are we having?" she asked finally.

"Roast Chicken." He turned to Rachel and asked, "Are you staying for dinner?"

"No…I have to go," she said determinedly. Looking back at Quinn she started, "Quinn I – "

She raised her hand to cut the other girl off. "I know."

Puck looked back and forth between them, but neither one of them elaborated.

Rachel nodded and moved toward the door. "It was good seeing you, both of you."

"Call me," Quinn told her just as she was about to walk out the door. "I want to know how it goes."

Rachel nodded. "I will," she assured her before heading out to the front door and to her car. As she walked away from the house her heart was beating all too fast. Her stomach churned nervously and she tried to force herself to calm down. She was never going to do this if she thought about it. She needed to let her heart take over instead of her brain. Forcing out a breath she decided to take things one step at a time, starting with getting in the car. She drove street by street, navigating her way toward her destination while trying not to think about whom would be waiting for her there. That worked for her right up until she pulled up outside of a beautiful two story house, and saw a light still on in the living room like a beacon, luring her eyes toward it. She was in there. Her mom was in there. Still awake, if that light was any indication.

Rachel's hands were clenching the steering wheel. Her knuckles were turning white. She didn't notice. All she could think about was the woman inside of that house. All she had to do was get out of the car…get out of the car…let go of the steering wheel and get out of the car…but her body refused to respond. All she could do was stare at that light in the window and keep repeating…get out of the car…get out of the car…let go of the steering wheel and get out of the car…get out of the car…

* * *

A/N: I hope you guys liked the chapter. I had no idea that writing from Quinn's perspective would be so fun. Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you all for reading. I've gotten over 400 reviews for this story, and I have read and tried to reply to every single one of them. I love hearing your thoughts and ideas about the story and I hope to hear more of them, so don't forget to review!


	12. Tuesday Part 3: Answers

**A/N:** Sorry this took so long to post. I won't keep you guys any longer, so start reading.

**Tuesday Part 3:**

_**Answers**_

Tick…

Tock…

Tick…

Tock…

Tick…

Tock…

She felt like she was going insane. Over the years she had mastered the art of self-distraction, years of waiting for callbacks had made it a necessity, but now she felt her self-control failing her. That seemed to be a trend where Rachel was involved. She had papers covering her coffee table, lesson plans for the week, Vocal Adrenaline performance notes, and none of it could hold her attention for more than a few seconds. Her eyes kept wandering up to the clock on the mantelpiece and watching the minutes tick by torturously slow.

She'd spent every minute since her talk with Leroy debating whether she had made the right decision. Of all possible courses, was approaching them directly really her best option? She could have let her relationship with Rachel go on a bit longer, got to know her daughter a bit and let Leroy and Hiram find out that she worked at Carmel whenever Rachel told them. It wouldn't have lasted for long, but at least she would have had something. Some connection to her daughter. A few more hours' worth of interaction that she could hold onto once Rachel was taken away from her again. Of course, going about it that way was assuming that her time with her daughter would be limited. She'd taken the optimistic route instead, and went straight to girl's fathers because she honestly believed that now would be her best chance of them agreeing to allow Rachel to have this relationship, before she actually violated the terms of the contract she'd signed. If this relationship was going to have any chance at all then she would need to have their permission. She'd done the right thing…hadn't she?

She hated doubting herself like this! Smart or not, it was out of her hands now. That was probably the scariest part of all. Hiram and Leroy had no reason to welcome her back into their lives. She knew that if it were her she wouldn't want to share her daughter with anyone.

After her meeting with Leroy she'd spent the rest of her day and all of the night wondering if she would ever get the chance to be in the same room as her daughter again. A quick check of the attendance log on Tuesday morning told her that Rachel had shown up for school, but Shelby had no way of knowing if her dads had told her or not. They wouldn't just send her back to Carmel blindly, would they? She must know something. So it was a good thing that she'd shown up, wasn't it? It meant that her fathers weren't pulling her out of school… Would she come seeking Shelby out? That thought had been stuck in her mind all day, and it took a concentrated effort for Shelby not to get her hopes up every time her classroom door opened. All day long she'd felt like she was on walking on pins and needles and even now the feeling of anticipation wouldn't leave her. Without any conscious thought her eyes slid back up to the clock to find that only two minutes had passed since the last time she had checked. It was 7:20 now and every agonizing minute that passed felt like she was closer to losing something that she hadn't even realized she was still waiting for.

Shelby let out a sigh and turned her attention back to the paper she had been trying to read for the past ten minutes now, to no avail. She still had no idea what it was about and she was two seconds away from tossing it aside and moving on to the next one when her phone rang. Shelby grabbed for it with embarrassing speed and felt her heart drop when she saw who it was – or more accurately who it was not.

Settling back into the couch she composed herself before answering. "Jesse."

He cut straight to the chase with no preamble. "I just got a text from Rachel." Shelby felt her breath catch in her throat and had to force herself to calm down. She could not be this desperate.

Slowly and very deliberately she placed the cap on the red pen she'd been using and set it on the table. She could practically feel Jesse's expectation on the other end of the line. "Oh?" she asked calmly, maintaining a level of nonchalance that was not reflected by her suddenly erratic pulse.

That was not the reply Jesse had been expecting. In retribution he adopted his own unaffected tone. "Yeah, but you know, if you're busy or something, I can just call you back later…"

"_Jesse." _

"She asked me to send her your address," he told her hurriedly.

"Rachel is coming _here_?" She made no attempt to regulate her voice this time. Her mind was working on overdrive and she looked around at her living room with a slight panic. "_Now?_" There were cardboard boxes everywhere, covering just about every surface of her living room in complete disarray. In order to combat her Rachel-induced insomnia she had systematically started cleaning her house from bottom to top, and this week she had started on her attic. Consequently her living room looked like it belonged on an episode of _Hoarders_ right now.

Her mother had been a pack rat. She'd collected trinkets, toys, photographs, and just about anything that had meant something to her or her family over the years and stored it away. Shelby's father didn't have the heart to get rid of it after she died, and when he died Shelby had shifted it all into her home. This was the first time in years she had bothered to look at any of it, so naturally this would also be the night that her estranged daughter showed some interest in coming to see her.

"I don't know, she just texted me to ask for the address," Jesse explained with a frustrating lack of details.

"She didn't say _why_ she needed it?" Shelby cradled the phone between her cheek and her shoulder as she began to throw things back into the boxes that were pilled around her, with no regard for the newly made labels and categories she had so painstakingly worked on for the past few days. This was the one portion of her house that she always kept immaculately clean. Her bedroom sometimes looked like a disaster area, but she went out of her way to keep this part looking presentable. Shelby felt her frustration building as she looked around at the piles of old crap that she had stupidly unboxed. There was no way she was going to get all of these boxes back upstairs.

"She said something about needing it for 'future reference'," Jesse said vaguely, "but she hasn't actually told me about you being her mother yet, so it makes sense that she would come up with an excuse…" They had already been over this earlier today at practice. Shelby had been desperate for any information about her daughter and Jesse had been more than willing to share. Rachel hadn't directly spoken to Jesse about her connection with Shelby, but something about the questions she had asked during lunch convinced Jesse that she was aware of it. The only problem with that was that Shelby had no idea what Rachel was planning to do now that she had that information. On the other end of the phone Jesse was still talking, "Do you think I should be worried about that? The 'Rachel not telling me' thing? I mean I am her boyfriend and –"

Shelby had very little interest in Jesse's relationship woes, but she did wonder what exactly Rachel was thinking right now. What did it mean that she hadn't told her boyfriend about discovering who her mother is? Maybe Jesse had just misread the signs and Rachel's fathers hadn't told her. "You're certain that she knows?"

"Trust me, _she knows_. She practically had a heart attack when I told her I suggested that I would arrange a meeting for her." Somehow that news didn't make Shelby feel better. "And Kendra told me that after she got rid of me she kept asking questions about you. She wanted to know if you have a family and a boyfriend…" Shelby froze at that thought, the old teddy bear in her hand forgotten. It had been a long while since she'd been in a relationship where she felt comfortable applying the title of 'boyfriend'. She went on dates, but it had been some time since she'd been in a serious relationship with anyone. And although she had a cousin who lived nearby, she rarely ever saw her extended family if she wasn't forced to. Shelby looked down at the old teddy bear in her hands, a gift from her mom, and felt a dull ache of loneliness.

"If she would just come and talk to me about it I could help her! I can't believe she's keeping this a secret from me." Somehow the conversation had once again drifted to the topic of Jesse.

"She'll come to you when she's ready for you to know." Shelby gently placed the bear on top of a nearby box and moved on.

"This sucks! I _already know_, but I can't tell her that I know, and apparently I'm not important enough to her for her to tell me about it…"

Shelby rolled her eyes. "Jesse, I know this is like asking a fish not to swim, but could you _**please**__ stop being so dramatic_!" She was in no mood to soothe his hurt ego, "She's known about me for less than a day, and you're upset that she hasn't come running to you yet? Just give her some time!"

The boy was quiet for a few long seconds. "I know," he sounded defeated. "You're right. I just hate pretending that I don't know." They both knew that he couldn't tell her though. No matter how noble his cause might've been, there was no way that Rachel would react well to finding out that he had transferred to McKinley for the sole purpose of manipulating her into coming back to Carmel with him.

Shelby felt a bit guilty. "Just give her some time," she told him again, softer this time.

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

Before he could hang up Shelby stopped him, "Jesse? If she texts you again…"

"I'll let you know."

"Goodnight." As the phone disconnected Shelby's eyes traveled around her living room again with dissatisfaction. There was a good chance that she was blowing this entirely out of proportion and Rachel wouldn't come, but now that a new seed of hope had been planted in her mind she couldn't make the feeling go away. She set about packing away old books, toys, and photo albums that she had scattered haphazardly around the room. As she moved to place one of her father's old books into a box a picture slipped from its pages. Shelby sat down on her hardwood floor and stared at the picture in her hands. She couldn't be more than fourteen in this picture, standing side by side with her mother in the kitchen of her bar. She could tell it was nighttime from seeing all of the people bustling around in the background and for a minute she could practically hear the ruckus from the bar, the clinking of dishes as orders came up and servers rushed past to deliver food and drinks to waiting customers. There had always been people around and some chore to get done. Growing up she couldn't wait to be rid of it. There was nothing Shelby wanted more than her own space.

As she sat on the cold, hard floor of her living room, the taunting silence of her empty house was broken only by the ticking of the clock.

Tick…

Tock…

* * *

Rachel raised her fist and brought it down as firmly as she could against her mother's front door. After standing so long in the silence of the empty street each knock sounded like a gunshot to her overly sensitive ears. She had no idea how long it had taken her to work up the courage to get from her car to the porch or how long she had stood there in the dark with her fist poised to knock, but her body had numbed to the icy cold air that continued to rip at her clothes.

As she waited for a response from the woman inside she focused all of her energy into her hearing, determined to pick up some noise, footfalls or a floor board creaking, that would give her some indication of her mother's approach. She stood perfectly still and held her breath but the only sounds she heard were crickets and rustling leaves. In her mind it felt like this was taking an incredibly long time. Had her mother already gone to sleep? It wasn't unheard of for someone to forget to turn off the light. Maybe she was upstairs and hadn't heard the knock. After fearing that her knocking on the door might have been far too loud she now wondered if it had been too soft to hear. Maybe Shelby was a heavy sleeper? Should she knock again then? If she was asleep then Rachel didn't want to wake her up…she should go. She should just get back in her car and talk to Shelby tomorrow! She could go to Carmel early and see her before class even started. That was a good plan. Rachel's eyes remained fixed on the door. Fifteen seconds, she decided. If her mother didn't answer the door in fifteen seconds she would walk away. 15…14…13…12 –

Without any warning the door in front of her was suddenly pulled open, and Rachel's brain froze in the middle of her countdown as she found herself standing face to face with Shelby Corcoran… Her mother…

For the longest moment neither of them spoke, and neither of them moved. Every word she had meticulously strung together in the build-up to this moment deserted her, leaving her standing on her estranged mother's porch alone with no defense, nothing to distract from nervous vulnerability that was sure to be rolling off of her in waves at this very moment.

Underneath the panic that suddenly choked off any words she might have spoken Rachel felt surprise at the unexpected sight before her. This woman was not the sharply dressed, well put-together vocal coach she had met in class yesterday.

Shelby stood barefoot at the door wearing a faded Beatles t-shirt and jeans. Her hair hung loosely around her face and without a single touch of makeup Rachel could now make out the dark circles that stood out under her eyes. The difference was almost startling. Rachel had come here expecting to find Coach Shelby Corcoran, Director of Vocal Adrenaline, but that woman was nowhere in sight. Without the expensive clothes and the calm, professional demeanor, Shelby looked…younger…and tired, and nervous, and hopeful, and scared. There was no mask of indifference to shield the emotions that flashed through her eyes which, like Rachel's, were all too expressive. From where Rachel was standing right now Shelby did not look like the intimidating woman she had seen in Carmel's auditorium just a few days ago. She looked like a mother who had just seen her daughter for the first time in fifteen years and was absolutely stunned.

To her embarrassment, Rachel felt a stinging pressure build behind her eyes as her vision blurred and warm tears spilled down her checks, unbidden. Her face flushed red as she tried to stamp down the sudden and uncontrollable rush of emotions. She thought that she must look like an idiot standing here crying on this woman's doorstep with no explanation. She opened her mouth and tried to push past the huge lump in her throat to explain herself, but she didn't get so much as strangled sob out before Shelby took a single step forward and drew her into a tight hug, her arms encompassing her daughter completely. That was all it took for the young girl to lose all pretense of control and wrap her arms around her mother, burying her face into the taller woman's shoulder the way that she had only ever dreamed of doing before. The smell of lavender perfume still lingered in the air around Shelby, and Rachel was certain that her mind would always associate the scent of it with her mother now.

She felt an unfamiliar sense of calm begin to seep into her body as Shelby's cheek came to rest against the top of her head and a hand rubbed light circles into her back. It was different from anything she'd ever felt before, and she was absolutely certain that she could have never imagined the level of comfort that she felt right now. Her gasping breaths began to slow and even out, and in that moment Rachel wished more than anything that she could bottle this feeling of being wrapped in her mother arms and carry it around with her forever.

Her tears began to slow but it took a few minutes more before Shelby pulled back slightly to look her in the face. For the first time Rachel realized that Shelby had been crying as well and she briefly wondered what the two of them must look like. That thought brought a smile to her face and Shelby's lips twitched upward in an involuntary response. The older woman brought up a hand to wipe away the stray tears that still escaped from the corners of Rachel's eyes and the girl's smile grew.

As soon as she made contact with Rachel's skin Shelby's smile faded. "You're freezing! Why didn't you bring a jacket? Come inside before you catch a cold or something." For a moment Rachel was taken aback, but she happily complied with Shelby's orders. With an arm around her shoulder Shelby ushered her into the house.

It wasn't until she stepped into the warmth of Shelby's home that she realized just how frigidly cold it had actually been outside. She felt her mother unconsciously draw her closer when she shivered from the chill. "I'm sorry about the mess, I've been cleaning my attic lately and I wasn't really expecting company. It's not usually such a disaster zone around here," Shelby explained as she steered Rachel through the mess and over to a sitting area off to the left. Rachel was only vaguely aware of her surroundings or the words coming out of her mother's mouth as her attention focused on the comfortable warmth coming from the arm around her shoulders that Shelby had yet to remove. As she sat down on the couch the arm fell away with what she was sure was reluctance on Shelby's part.

Shelby put a little distance between them as she sat down in order to give Rachel some space, but her eyes were glued to her daughter as though she were determined to drink in every moment in her presence. The air around them was heavy with potential and anticipation.

Rachel opened her mouth to speak only to realize that the lines she had come up with when she was standing outside no longer seemed good enough. After such a dramatic reunion all of rehearsed greetings she had come up with seemed anticlimactic now. Shelby seemed to be faced with a similar problem, but Rachel refused to sit beside her mother in silence for another moment. So, in her typical fashion, she chose to be bluntly honest. "I prepared an entire speech to help minimize the potential awkwardness of our initial meeting, but most of it no longer seems pertinent…I don't know what to say now."

"Neither do I," Shelby admitted reassuringly, "There's so much I want to say I just…"

"…Don't know where to start?"

Shelby nodded with a small smile at Rachel's understanding of her predicament. "Do you drink tea?" she asked suddenly.

"I love tea!" Rachel replied, with more eagerness than that statement usually warranted.

Shelby laughed lightly, and Rachel felt herself blush. "Why don't I go put on a kettle and when I come back we'll…_talk_?"

"That sounds good," Rachel said in a more even tone, appreciating the need both of them had to collect themselves.

Shelby stood up and for a moment she seemed about to say something, but in the end she seemed to think better of it. She shot Rachel a smile and navigated her way out of the room.

For the first time since she'd stepped into the house Rachel noticed the boxes and miscellaneous piles scattered everywhere and wondered for a moment at her own obliviousness. She was sure that Shelby had said something about cleaning, but at the moment she couldn't clearly recall her mother's words. Her eyes wandered around the room with curiosity and she had to fight down the urge to get up and explore. Was it spying if the objects in question were in a plain view? Was it spying if it was at your mother's house? Aside from the topic of her mother, her dads had always been fairly open with her about any topic she showed an interest in. She could see everything from old golf clubs and tennis rackets to what looked like an old tutu sticking out of one of the boxes in the corner. She spotted a ukulele, a dusty old keyboard, and what looked like a flute sticking out of another box. Closer to where she was sitting Rachel saw old toys and board games that looked like they had been transported straight out of the 70's or 80's. There was even an old teddy bear sitting atop a nearby box with a missing button-eye. Rachel stood up and walked over it, always having had an affinity for stuffed animals. She wasn't watching her step closely enough and her foot landed on the corner of a book and she stumbled back quickly. Looking down she saw photo albums and scrapbooks scattered across the floor and she bent down to make sure that her shoe had not left a footprint on the cover.

She never would have thought that Shelby was the sentimental type, but so far none of the preconceived notions she had about her mother had proved accurate. She really knew nothing about this woman. Maybe if she just had a peek…No! Rachel jerked back quickly and carefully made her way towards the archway she'd seen her mother disappear through. She spotted a flight of stairs leading up to the second floor, and wondered what that part of the house might look like. The sounded of clanging pots on her right directed her movements through the house. There were a few abstract paintings on the walls, but Rachel didn't see anything that might have come from one of those photo-albums in the living room hanging on the walls. As she got closer to the sounds of the kitchen she found an elegant-looking dining room. Perhaps it was because the lights were off but there was an untouched quality to it and Rachel hesitated to go any further. Unlike the living room she had just come from with all of its scattered chaos this part of the house was a lot closer to what she had initially imagined Coach Corcoran's home looking like.

The sound of a cupboard door closing spurred her forward and Rachel moved towards the swinging door that separated the two rooms. She pushed it open gently and froze up when she saw Shelby pacing back and forth with her hands gesturing in front of her. She looked like she was having an argument with some invisible person in front of her. Rachel heard a frustrated sigh slip from the woman's lips before she silently backed out of the room and eased the swinging door shut.

She considered turning around and going back to the living room, but that would make her feel like she'd gone walking around her mother's house randomly without permission. No, she was here now, and seeing her mother's obvious nervousness eased the knot that had been growing in her stomach since she found out about their connection. She wasn't sure how things would go from here, but it helped to know that Shelby wasn't just a brilliant Glee coach; she was an actual person with more layers than Rachel could have ever known.

Taking a few steps back away from the door Rachel called out, "Shelby?" and waited for the older woman to respond.

"I'm in here," the reply came a few seconds later, and when Rachel walked through the door to the kitchen the other woman was wearing a weary smile. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hi…" Rachel's looked around the kitchen for the first time and saw that it seemed much friendlier than the dining room. There were pots and pans on the stove, a cookie jar on the counter, and magnets on the refrigerator. There was a potted plant over by the window, and off to the side there was even nook where she could easily picture this more laidback version of Shelby eating or reading a book.

"Um, are you hungry?" Shelby asked hesitantly and gestured towards the kitchen at large, "I could make you something to eat. Have you had dinner yet?"

Rachel was sorely tempted, if for no other reason than to have a home-cooked meal from her mom, but she had to decline. "I can't really eat when I'm nervous."

Shelby nodded her head in understanding. "I like to keep busy when I'm nervous. Channel that energy into something productive." Nodding towards the small table near the window she asked, "Would you like to sit?"

Rachel nodded and walked over to nook. Glancing out the window she could tell that during the day this seat would get excellent sunlight and a great view of the backyard. In the dark Rachel could only make out a large tree in the backyard and a few bright stars twinkling up in the sky. Shelby sat down opposite her, folding her hands in front of her on the table with a pensive look on her face. She waited until Rachel looked back towards her before starting the conversation. "Rachel, I don't know how much your dads have told you about me…about why I did what I did…"

"They told me most of it last night, I think. They told me who you are," Rachel didn't know why but she couldn't bring herself to say 'mom' out loud. Not yet at least. "And that you agreed to be a surrogate for them in order to earn the money to start a new life in New York. They said that you moved back to Lima a few years ago, but you weren't allowed to contact me…" Rachel kept her tone of voice measured and matter-of-fact as she talked about the conversation she'd had with her dads last night. There was nothing her mother could do to change the past, and being hurt by it certainly wouldn't help. So she did her best to push away those emotions and focus on the present.

While Rachel's voice didn't hold any of the accusation that Shelby had dreading it still left her feeling unsettled. The girl might have been reading a grocery list for all the emotion her voice contained. After taking a few seconds to set her own thoughts in order Shelby asked the most pertinent question she could think of, "Rachel, do your dads know you're –"

"They gave me permission to contact you, if I wanted," she answered quickly. They had no idea that she was meeting with her mother tonight, and Rachel had no idea how she was going to tell them. "They left it up to me to decide what to do next." And Rachel still felt the weight of the responsibility pressing on her.

"Right," Shelby nodded slowly, accepting the answer at face value. Clearing her throat she said, "If you'll let me, there are some things I'd like to explain. Everything you just said is true, but I want you to understand my reasons for it." There was nothing she could do to change the past, but she hoped that helping Rachel to understand why she did the things she did might make it easier for the young girl to accept.

"I'd like that," Rachel said, looking up at Shelby with honest curiosity.

Shelby silently collected her thoughts and Rachel waited for her to begin. When she started it wasn't where Rachel would have expected. "I grew up here, in Lima. Did you know that?" Rachel shook her head, fascinated to have this new part of her mother's life revealed to her. "Yeah, my parents – your grandparents," Shelby shot Rachel a small smile, "owned a bar on Rosedale Avenue. I practically grew up there. There was always lots of food and drinking and dancing...they used to have local musicians come and play live music. It's where I fell in love with singing and performing." Those musicians always seemed to have exciting lives and wonderful stories. Unlike the drunks and the 9-to-5 crowd they were the ones who actually got _out_ of Lima. They might never get a 'big break', but at least they got to experience life outside of Ohio. "When I was about 10 years old we went up to Chicago to visit my aunt and her family. She took me to see my first big theater production. By the time we came back home I was certain that my life's calling was to be on the stage. My dad figured that I would grow out of it eventually, but my mom always supported me." Shelby stopped talking for a minute as she felt her throat tighten uncomfortably. She rarely ever spoke about her parents to anyone and she was determined not to let Rachel hear her voice crack. She nearly jumped when she felt her daughters hand cover hers on top of the table. Rachel was staring at her with silent compassion and Shelby drew strength from the contact. Placing her other hand on top of her daughters she explained, "…My mother died when I was 18…"

Rachel felt a wave of sadness wash over her at the loss of a grandmother she'd never really considered before tonight. The woman had clearly been important to Shelby wished that she could have known her. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too," Shelby told her quietly. "After she died things between my dad and I became kind of strained. He wanted me to stay close to home, and I wanted to get out of Lima more than ever. I ended up moving out and applying to a bunch of music schools…I got accepted to the Crane School of Music in New York…"

"That's amazing," Rachel said, having heard of the school herself while researching potential colleges that would help her grow as a singer. She was still only in her sophomore year, but it was never too early to start preparing for life after high school.

"Yeah, it really was. The only problem was I couldn't afford to go. Even with student-aid money and all cash that I'd saved up for school, I couldn't afford to move to New York and pay my tuition. I ended up attending Lima Community College." Rachel fought back a cringe and was almost successful. Almost. "I know. How do you think I felt?" There was no surer mark that your life was going nowhere than ending up at LCC, home of the Lima Lemmings.

"I wanted to get out of Lima so badly." Shelby looked out of the window towards the shadows of her darkened backyard, seeing something there that Rachel couldn't. After a few long seconds Shelby felt a gentle pressure coming from the hand that lay between hers and she turned back to her daughter, shaking her head to clear her mind. "I went to LCC for two semesters before I saw your dads' ad in the newspaper. It said that they would pay $30,000 for nine months of work, but it didn't say what the job entailed. I had to meet them and at least see what the job was all about." She shook her head slowly as she remembered how shocked she had been during her first meeting with Leroy and Hiram. "I don't know what I expected, but when your parents told me they were looking for a surrogate…I was _hesitant_ at first…but once they explained their situation to me…they convinced me. It took a while for them to narrow down the candidates, but in the end they chose me and I agreed," Shelby said with a light shrug. The shrill whistling of the tea kettle cut through the air drawing both of their attentions and Shelby stood up to turn off the fire.

Rachel's hand felt suddenly cold without her mother's encasing it, and she withdrew it from the table. With her fathers she had no doubt about how much they had wanted her in their lives. Shelby's version of the story did not leave her with the same warmth and fuzzy feeling of belonging. She watched her mother setting up the tea of a tray. "…So…you never actually wanted to have a baby…?" Rachel tried to sound grown up and objective about it, but years of musical training helped Shelby pick up on the strain in her voice.

She looked over her shoulder at the girl, feeling her hand clench around the delicate tea cup she was holding. "Rachel…" She immediately shook her head, but she stopped herself from denying her daughters words outright since it honestly wasn't that far off the mark. "At the time, no." Rachel eyes dropped to the table and Shelby saw her swallow hard in an attempt to remove the lump that was reforming in her throat.

It wasn't like Rachel didn't understand what it meant to be a surrogate, but it still hurt to know that her mother hadn't really wanted her.

Shelby absently placed the cup on counter and crossed the room to where Rachel was sitting, she only hesitated once she got there and realized that she did know what to say to make this better. She refused to lie to the girl, but she certainly couldn't leave things like this. Kneeling down beside where Rachel sat staring at the table she asked, "Do you think you'll be ready to be a mom four years from now?"

Rachel didn't answer immediately, continuing to stare at the table as she considered that question. It didn't bear much consideration though. Logically she understood where Shelby was coming from. She could not imagine a possible future for herself in which she would be prepared to have a child before she turned 20. Quinn was six months pregnant, and it was still impossible for Rachel to imagine her as a mom. It was the emotional side of her brain that felt stupidly hurt.

When Rachel didn't answer Shelby pushed on. "It's not that I never wanted to have a kid, it's just that at 19 years old I wasn't prepared to raise one. I agreed to be a surrogate for your dads because _they_ were ready to have a baby."

Rachel nodded her head and made a conscious effort to keep her face passive, "I think I can understand that." She didn't look up from the table.

Shelby continued to stare at her, trying to figure out if she really did understand. If she ever could. On impulse she reached forward and brushed a stray strand of long brown hair away from Rachel's face, finally getting the young girl to look at her. "Being pregnant with you was one of the hardest most emotional things I have ever done in my life." It was Shelby's turn to look away, unable to meet Rachel's searching gaze any longer. "I never thought that I would become as emotionally attached to you as I did. I knew from the start that I would be giving you up to your dads after nine months, and I stupidly thought that I could remain detached…" Shelby tried to think of a way to convey how amazing it had felt to have a person, this person, growing inside of her, "You used to start kicking like crazy whenever I would sing or play music…I was absolutely convinced that you were trying to sing along," Shelby laughed at the memory of it, and Rachel smiled at the look of pure joy that the memory brought to her mother. When the laughter faded away she told Rachel, "It was _hard_ for me to give you up." That was a complete understatement, but she knew that going into that would only bring tears, and now wasn't the time.

"Do you regret it?" Rachel asked in a tone of voice that suggested that she wasn't sure she wanted the answer,

"I did, and then I didn't, and then I did - _so much_. Sitting here with you now…no. I don't regret it."

Rachel dropped her eyes. "Oh." Shelby had never heard a single word convey such disappointment.

She scrambled to clarify her words, "No! I didn't mean…Rachel, I wouldn't want to change a single thing about you." Shelby reached out and lifted Rachel's hand out of her lap and then held her gaze when the girl looked up in surprise. "The reason I don't regret giving you up is because you're here now, and I can see what a wonderful job your dads have done raising you. I don't know that I could have ever compared…and you're happy with them, aren't you?" Shelby silently pleaded with whatever deity that might be listening for the answer to be a 'yes'.

"Of course, I love my dads more than anything," Rachel said quickly, allowing Shelby to breathe easy once again. In a voice that was almost too quiet to hear Rachel said, "I guess I just sometimes wish that I had a mother too." If Shelby hadn't been listening so intently she might've missed Rachel's softly spoken words and the faint blush that accompanied them, but luckily she didn't. For Shelby it was one of the sweetest things her daughter could have ever said to her.

"Rachel, I would love to a part of your life, if you'll let me…"

Rachel's face broke into a beautiful smile. "I would love that…Mom."

Shelby pulled her into a tight hug, feeling tears prickle at the corner of her eyes. She had no idea that such a simple word could have such an effect on her, but hearing Rachel say it gave it a whole new meaning. When she was 19 years old she'd thought that nothing would ever be able to compare to the feeling she got from standing onstage, but what she felt right now was better than the adoration of any audience, it was more intense than the most emotional role she had ever played, and it affected her more profoundly than any script she had ever read. This was a feeling she could easily become addicted to, and it made her think that this girl might actually be able to fill the gaping hole in her chest that she had never been able to close by herself.

Neither of them had any desire to end the new contact between them, and by the time they broke apart the kettle of water was only lukewarm. Shelby offered to reheat it, but Rachel didn't complain. They drank their tea in companionable silence, adjusting to this unfamiliar, yet comfortable dynamic that was forming. Rachel, who was usually uncomfortable with any extended silence found herself reluctant to disturb the blanket of peaceful stillness that had settled over them, but her analytical mind refused to stay stagnant for long. Now that she was past the initial hurtle of establishment that her mother was just as committed to starting this relationship as she was, she wondered what exactly such a relationship would entail. How much of her life did Shelby want to be a part of? Would she want to take on a strong parental role, or would she just be like some distant relative staying on the periphery of Rachel's life? The young diva had grown accustomed to her fathers expectations of her over the years, but Shelby's were a question mark. She was a tough coach, but would that translate to her role as a mother? It hadn't so far. As the questions continued to pile up in her head Rachel finally shattered the silence to give voice to them. "Shelby?" Her mother had been gazing in her direction with a far-off look in her eyes, and Rachel waited until the woman's mind returned from wherever it had wandered off to before continuing. "When you say you want to be 'a part of my life', what does that mean?" Shelby's opened her mouth and then quickly closed it again, giving this question the consideration it deserved.

Her first instinct was to jump in feet first and damn the consequences, but a more cautious, rational side of her stopped that sentiment from leaving her mouth. Making Rachel a promise that she could not keep now might damage their relationship forever. This was a living, breathing, 16-year-old girl, and she came with all of the baggage and responsibility which that implied. For all the time she spent dealing with teenagers, Shelby knew that she didn't actually know how to raise one. "I will be as much a part of your life as you want me to be, and I absolutely want you to be a part of mine, but it's something that we need to talk over with your dads…for now I think we should take it slow."

Rachel nodded her head in agreement. Her dads would _insist _on them taking this relationship slowly, and for right now simply having her mother in her life would be enough. She would give her dads (and herself) a little time to adjust to the idea. "What about at school?"

That was one of the things that Shelby had already thought about. "When we're in class and when there are other students around, we're going to have to keep things on a teacher-student level. I can't be seen to be playing favorites with you, and the last thing you'll want is for the other kids to think you haven't earned everything you get." Shelby was already working under the assumption that Rachel would make it onto Vocal Adrenaline. After hearing her sing at Sectionals and then again yesterday in the classroom, she knew that her daughter was perfect for the team, but she needed for everyone else to think so too. There would be more than one hissy fit thrown if the team or their parents thought that she had pulled strings for her daughter to get on the team.

"Do you think we should tell people?"

It took Shelby a bit longer to come up with an answer to that one. There were a lot of factors to account for. Rachel's dads, for instance, might not want that information spread around the school. Rachel obviously hadn't realized it yet, but by claiming Shelby as her mom at school she would also be claiming all of the opinions and emotions associated with her. She was sure that there were plenty of students who still harbored hurt feelings over some harsh comment she'd made, or punishment she'd handed down, or bad grade she'd given, and they would not hesitate to take it out on her daughter. That wasn't counting the faculty members who felt aggrieved by her in some way, and she knew that a few of them were not above using her daughter against her. At the moment Rachel had a clean slate to work with and Shelby did not want the shadow of her own reputation looming over her daughter for the rest of her years at high school.

Then there was the more technical problem of having a parent teaching their own kid. Shelby didn't know the school's official policy, but it probably wasn't encouraged…and she had no doubt that certain school administrators would jump at the chance to screw her over. So far Shelby had been basically untouchable. She was far too valuable to the school to be fired, so she generally didn't care whose toes she stepped on. They couldn't really do anything about it. But with Rachel in the picture there would be a very obvious way of getting to Shelby, and she did not want to see her daughter become the collateral damage of teachers' lounge politics.

She really didn't know how they would keep it a secret though. It was bound to get out eventually. And then there was Jesse, who seemed so worried about Rachel not immediately telling him that Shelby was her mom. Stopping Rachel from telling anyone at school the truth would mean stopping her from telling Jesse, but Shelby didn't know how to work around that. Singling him out specifically wasn't an option, and giving Rachel blanket permission to tell anyone would lead to a world of trouble. Shelby considered her words carefully before saying, "It's probably better to keep it between us for now, but if there's somebody you want to tell, and you trust them keep it between the two of you, then feel free to tell them." That was as much as she could do for now, and seemed to be thinking it over.

Shelby was surprised when Rachel said, "I talked with my friend Quinn about it this afternoon." Rachel was surprised by how easy it was to apply that title to her former nemesis, but after today she felt like the pregnant girl had earned it. "I've known her most of my life, she won't tell anyone anything without my permission." Rachel didn't mention that the brunt of her confidence came from the fact that Quinn had made a pinkie swear.

If Rachel was sure then Shelby was willing to take her word for it. She was more curious about the fact that Rachel _had_ already told someone, but despite their close relationship it had not been Jesse. When she had spoken to Jesse earlier she assumed that Rachel was simply keeping her own counsel for a while and would go to her boyfriend once she got over the shock of finding out who her mother was. Apparently she'd just gone to someone else for advice. So maybe he and Rachel were not as close as he thought. Or maybe he'd just exaggerated things, as he had been known to do from time to time. After all, he'd told Shelby more than once that Rachel had no friends at McKinley…so who was Quinn? From the sounds of it she and Rachel went way back, so why hadn't Jesse ever mentioned her? The sound of a vibrating phone brought Shelby out of her thoughts, and she saw Rachel pull a cell phone out of her pocket. Her eyes widened as she read the message and then searched around the room until they landed on the clock. Typing out a reply on her keypad she rose from her seat and distractedly told Shelby, "I have to go."

Shelby's mind immediately rebelled against that thought and she was glad that Rachel was too engrossed in her texting to see the crestfallen look that briefly graced her features. She was leaving already? She'd only just got here a few minutes ago…_hours ago_, Shelby amended as her eyes traveled to the clock as well. She was just as shocked as Rachel to see that it was past 10:00 already. How had that happened? It felt like she only walked through the door a few minutes ago and already it was time for her to go.

Rachel shared Shelby's surprise and regret, but it was muffled by her panic over staying out past curfew and her worry about going home and telling her dads where she'd been all this time. It was only when she pressed send and looked down at Shelby, who was still in her seat, that she felt the full force of her own reluctance to say goodbye to her mother so soon after meeting her. She wanted to preserve this wonderful and unexpected harmony they had found for just a bit longer. Partly because she wasn't certain that it would still be there the next time they saw each other.

"That was one of your dads?" Shelby asked as she stood from her seat.

"Yeah, Daddy was worried because I hadn't checked in yet and it's past my curfew." Shelby cringed as she led Rachel out of kitchen. Her first time having their daughter to her house and she'd already kept the girl out past her curfew. Not the best impression to make when you're trying to prove your ability to parent. Even so, that didn't make Shelby any more eager to walk Rachel to the door and her slow pace showed it.

"Rachel, tomorrow at school…" Shelby was hesitant to even bring this up, but she felt that it was something she needed to talk about now rather than have misunderstandings later.

"Things will be different? I know." Rachel understood her mother's need to maintain appearances, but a large part of her wished that things between them could stay the way that they were tonight. Pretending as though none of this had happened would be difficult for her.

When the front door came into view Shelby said, "Please apologize to your dads for me. I didn't mean to keep you out past your curfew."

"It was my fault. Don't worry; I'm sure they'll understand." That wasn't entirely true, but Daddy would get over it. When they finally reached the door they both hesitated to make the next move. Neither of them was sure exactly how to say goodbye, and neither of them wanted to. Shelby's hands clenched nervously. The awkwardness that had been absent from their interactions for most of the night suddenly perforated the air in full force.

Rachel glanced down at her own unmoving feet before saying in a light tone, "There were more tears than I would have expected, but all things considered, I think this was a pretty good start."

"Me too…I'm so glad that you came," Shelby said seriously. She lightly placed a hand on Rachel's shoulder and was gratified when her daughter stepped forward and wrapped both arms around her. Shelby was more than happy to return the hug…the only hard part was letting go again. "I'll talk to your dads, and then maybe you can come over for dinner sometime?" She didn't want to push or pressure the girl, but she wanted Rachel to be sure that she was committed to this.

"I would love that," Rachel told her with honest excitement in her voice. After another long second she reached for the door handle and pulled it open, "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

Shelby nodded, "Count on it. I can't wait to see your audition."

Rachel froze for a second before forcing a smile. "Goodnight," she told her mother as she stepped out into the night.

Shelby hit a switch by the door and the front porch was nicely lit. "Goodnight, Rachel. Drive safely and…" Shelby wanted to ask her to call when she got home, but she didn't want to appear clingy and overprotective. Rachel had turned back to see what she would say so she settled on a simple, "Sleep well."

Rachel sent her mother a more genuine smile before turning back and making her way down the walkway to her car. While talking to Shelby she'd honestly forgotten all about the audition tomorrow, something she would have thought impossible in the presence of Vocal Adrenaline's coach. Thinking about it now sent a spike of anticipation and adrenaline through her mind. Not only would she be singing in front of all her potential new teammates but also their notoriously difficult to please coach, who just happened to be her mother. Rachel looked back at her mother's house as she opened her car door and saw that Shelby was still standing in the doorway. It brought another smile to her face to see her mother standing there, waiting until she was safely in her car. It was such a 'mom' thing to do.

She didn't know how she would hide the bond she now felt with Shelby, or how her mother would pretend that she was just another student. There was much that they were going to have to figure out…but Rachel couldn't be happier about finally having the opportunity to try. She waved at her mother and started her car. Now she just had to break the news to her fathers…

* * *

**A/N:** I hope you all liked it. If you've made it this far in the story, don't forget to leave a review.


	13. The Audition

**A/N: **It's been a while. Sorry it took so long to update. I haven't forgotten about this story, it just been on the back-burner for a while. Apparently Junior year of college is not meant to allow people time for other things. in case you don't know,** NastElilBuggr** is the coolest person in the entire world. Without her this chapter would have taken much longer to write and with her I saw Idina Menzel in concert. Just so you all know, this is by far the longest chapter I have ever written. Of anything. Ever. I put a lot of thought into coming up with the songs Rachel sings during the audition, and there is more information about each of them at the bottom of the chapter. Now that I have that out of the way, please read and enjoy!

**The Audition**

Jesse sat casually at a desk in the middle of the room, giving him an excellent vantage of the front of the classroom and insuring that Rachel was never out of his line of sight as she passed back and forth in front of him. Her nervous tension had been building since the moment she'd stepped foot in the building this morning, and he was sure that if she didn't calm down soon she was going to explode in some fantastically theatrical manner. If given the chance, he was certain that he could help release that tension and rid her of all that excess energy…but she'd made it clear before that she wasn't ready for that sort of thing, and bringing it up again had the potential of backfiring on him. The last thing he wanted to do was add to her stress right now and risk having her push him away any further. He simple sighed and leaned back further into his chair.

He watched her reach the window and turn around for another circuit. It took ten short, precise, strides for her to go from one side of the classroom to the other, and then she was doing another about face and heading back the way she came. It was like watching the Energizer Bunny. She'd been at this for the last 15 minutes, and he was certain that she'd already walked at least a mile in this small classroom. If she kept it up she really wouldn't need that elliptical machine in her bedroom. Jesse let his eyes wander for a moment. No one could say that machine hadn't served her well so far though.

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably and pulled his thoughts away from the direction they were headed in. Thinking about exploring Rachel's body really wasn't helping him right now.

He honestly could not remember the last time he'd been as worked up about a performance as she was right now. Even for Rachel, who had not yet reached his level of calm detachment about performances, this seemed a bit extreme. Then again, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had to perform in front of one of his parents. Rachel would have Shelby in the audience, and this would be the first time she ever performed in front of her mother. As far as she knew.

Of course, that was a secret that Jesse wasn't supposed to know about yet. Rachel still had not told him about her mother, and the frustration that he'd been feeling for the past 24 hours was starting to turn to irritation. Why wouldn't she talk to him about it?

Shelby had told him this morning about her daughters visit last night. She'd kept most of the details to herself, but she told him that Rachel had permission to tell anyone she trusted about their newfound relationship. And apparently Rachel had already told her "friend" Quinn. Needless to say, Jesse had been shocked to hear that. Since when were Rachel and Quinn so damn close? And when had she found time to have a heart to heart with the ex-cheerleader about all this? She'd only found out about it yesterday! The only time they could've possibly met up since Rachel found out was after school yesterday…when she had been ignoring his calls. He'd assumed that she was still trying to figure out how to deal with everything and just needed some space. He'd been sure that she would come and talk to him as soon as she wrapped her mind around the truth. Instead she'd gone to _Quinn Fabray_?

He probably wouldn't have been nearly as upset about it if she'd come to him at some point afterward, but so far she'd been avoiding the subject like the plague, claiming that she was too nervous to think about Shelby or Vocal Adrenaline. Every time he tried to give her an opening to talk to him she would change the subject, or get suddenly caught up in a conversation with someone else, or need to stop into the nearest girl's bathroom. It was all he could do to bite his tongue and let her keep pretending. Shelby had told her that it was better not to let everyone know, but he wasn't 'everyone', was he? The fact that Coach Corcoran was probably asking the same question about his relationship with her daughter only annoyed him further.

He was sure that Shelby was perceptive enough to realize that Rachel still hadn't told him the moment they walked into her music class earlier that day, despite him putting on his best show-choir face. It was written all over the tense set of his shoulders and in the nervous way Rachel turned away from her mother as soon as she noticed that he was paying attention. There were plenty of subtle signs, and he had no doubt that Shelby picked up on them all, using each new piece of information to further analyze his relationship with Rachel in a way she hadn't been able to do before Rachel knew the truth.

For her part, Rachel did her best to remain nonchalant in her mother's presence, not seeming to realize that acting unaffected around Shelby was the most abnormal thing she possibly could have done. Of course Jesse was the only one who might possibly realize that it was out of character for her not to be the first person to jump up and volunteer to demonstrate a song or give an answer. To anyone else in class she was acting exactly like any other student, and Jesse knew that calling her out on it wouldn't lead anywhere fruitful. She would simply claim that she was nervous, or still getting a feel for the class.

It was maddening.

Shelby, on the other hand, was far more adept at putting on a show for a room full of people. She was able to maintain her usual veil of detached professionalism throughout the lesson, calling on Rachel no more than any other student but not ignoring her either. The only time Shelby showed the slightest hint of affection towards her daughter was towards the end of class when they were rehearsing a new song. Jesse was certain that if he hadn't been watching her already he would have missed it, but for a second near the middle of the songs Rachel's voice rang out clearly above all the others and he saw her mother's guard slip. Rachel was way too caught up in the song to notice the look of pure adoration that crossed her mother's face, but Jesse saw it clearly and he was startled into a brief silence as a new truth hit him.

He'd convinced himself over the years that he knew Shelby well, and he was certain that he was one of her favorite students. Like a son to her. But never in all the years that they'd known each other had he seen such a look of unguarded affection on her face, and certainly not directed towards him. All the compliments, smiles, and small glimpses of pride that he had earned from her over the years paled in comparison to what he saw now, and he couldn't help feeling somewhat envious of it. The stark difference between Shelby the mother and Shelby the coach was suddenly quite clear to him and for a moment he felt a petty surge of jealousy over that fact. It had never occurred to him that having Rachel around would mean that he was no longer Shelby's favorite, but of course it should have. There was no way that the affection she felt towards a student could ever compare to the affection she felt towards her daughter, and it had been foolish of Jesse to think that those two emotions might ever be the same thing.

He shook his head at the thought and tried to find his place in the song again. Looking around at his classmates he knew he was the only one to notice Shelby's slip, and by the time he looked at her again the emotions he'd seen were once again hidden away in whatever dark corner of Shelby Corcoran's mind that she had stuffed them in for all this time.

He felt slightly off-balance for the rest of the class period, and it wasn't until after the bell rang that he got another look into the newly blossoming relationship.

"Are you ready for the audition today Rachel?" Shelby casually asked her daughter as the other students filed out of the classroom around them. It was the sort of question that any concerned teacher would ask, but something in her voice made Jesse slow in putting his things away so he could stay behind and watch. He could hardly believe that the students passing through the door were so blind to what was going on around them.

"I can't wait. When do I go on?" Rachel asked with a bit of her usual eagerness returning.

Shelby stood behind her desk gathering up her papers. "Well, the team meeting doesn't start for another 30 minutes, and after that I'll need about 10 to talk things over with them, so your audition will be in about 40 minutes."

"_40 minutes_?" Rachel sounded disappointed. She had expected to go on stage straight after school.

Shelby looked up from the papers in her hands with a raised eyebrow. "Is there a problem?" Coach Corcoran never liked to hear her students complain, and Jesse could see that she didn't intend to treat her daughter any differently in that regard.

Rachel got that message too and shook her head swiftly. "No, Mo-" she caught sight of Jesse standing near the door, "Ma'am." _Nice save_, Jesse thought.

Shelby's expression showed a hint of amusement as she glanced from Rachel to Jesse, but Jesse got the feeling that it was directed more towards him than her daughter. He felt another spike of annoyance. "Good," Shelby said with a short nod. She shot Jesse an indiscernible look as she moved towards the door he stood next to. Once she was halfway there she turned back towards Rachel so that Jesse could not see her face. "If you want to practice in here, I'll leave the classroom open for you," she offered.

Rachel nodded her head and gave Shelby a small smile. "Thank you."

Jesse was sorely tempted to step forward so he could see the look written on Shelby's face, but that would be desperate and obvious. Plus she turned back towards him before he could try. "St. James, don't be late."

"Yes, _Ma'am_," Jesse replied. The glare she sent him as she walked past might have stopped his heart a few years ago, but now he simply smirked.

That had been about twenty minutes ago and he'd offered to help Rachel practice her song selections until audition time, but after the first run through and an all too brief makeout session she seemed perfectly content to spend the rest of their time in this classroom pacing like a caged tiger.

"I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous before."

"This audition is really important to me," she replied distractedly. "The outcome of this one performance will decide my social and emotional status for the rest of the school year."

"I thought you said you were ready–"

"I am ready," Rachel said definitively, "I just wish I could get it over with. I hate waiting like this."

"Well, there are _other_ ways we could pass the time," Jesse said in a half-joking manner, and hoped that she would seriously consider it. For a few sweet minutes, after Rachel had given up on rehearsing, she came over, sat down in his lap, and made him forget about everything that didn't consist of her body. Drawing him in and riling him up, only to pull away when Jesse stupidly let his hand begin to slide too high up her thigh. He'd been in an uncomfortable state of desire ever since, and unfortunately Rachel didn't seem to be changing her stance on the situation any time soon. When she ignored the suggestion he tried to turn the conversation towards his other frustration instead. "I'm sure you're going to do great…Shelby already seems to be in your corner."

Rachel's steps faltered for a second before she resumed her pacing, "Why do you say that?"

"Because she's letting you audition in the middle of the semester and letting you use her classroom to rehearse."

"She's just being nice."

"Shelby is never 'just being nice'."

Rachel finally stopped to look at him. What was that supposed to mean? "I thought you said she was a great coach."

"She's an excellent coach. That doesn't mean she's nice."

Rachel's brow creased for a second, and Jesse thought he might get a rise out of her, but she settled on giving a half-shrug. "Well, don't expect me to explain her motivations. I barely know the woman."

Jesse stared at her with a hard look, but she had her back to him, headed towards the piano. He studied her as she sat down on the bench and then he let out an irritated sigh, knowing that she still wasn't about to say anything. "I've gotta go drop my stuff off at my locker before practice starts. I'll see you in the auditorium." He took three swift steps over to the bench where she was sitting and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before turning around and heading for the door before she could say anything in return.

Rachel sat in a startled silence as the door closed behind her boyfriend, leaving her in the empty classroom with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company. This had been the pattern between them all day, and she was seriously starting to get concerned. She considered going after him and demanding that he tell her what was wrong, but she knew that after the way she'd avoided him yesterday she had no right to demand that he open up to her. Instead she busied herself by letting her fingers lightly roam over the keys in front of her in a random pattern.

He'd been frustratingly withdrawn from her all day, and she still had no idea why. For some reason it seemed like every conversation they had, no matter what the topic they started on, seemed to end on the subject of Rachel joining Vocal Adrenaline. And every time it came up Jesse would make some comment that left Rachel feeling sure that she'd missed some hint or implication that went entirely over her head. It was like he was waiting for her to read her lines when she didn't even know what play they were in, and watching her repeatedly miss her cue only seemed to frustrate him more.

On top of that, Rachel had the extra anxiety of trying to figure out how to tell him about her mother. She'd been dying to get it off her chest all day, but every time she got an opening to mention it she could never seem to get the words out. It just never felt like the right time. At the moment, she honestly wasn't sure how he would handle it when she did tell him. Despite the comments about Shelby, the woman was clearly an important figure in his life…someone he respected and looked up to…but was he really prepared to be sucked into her personal life? Rachel's finger hit the wrong key, filling the room with a jarring sound and stalling her fingers.

For her sake she knew that Jesse would do his best to adjust to the situation, and she adored him for it, but she was also very aware of the fact that it could become overwhelming. As someone who knew Shelby and Rachel better than they knew each other it would be all too easy to use Jesse as a go-between to help smooth out their relationship, but things would almost inevitably become awkward if they allowed him to fill that role. Just because Rachel wanted a deeper relationship with Shelby did not mean that she could force Jesse to have one too, and she promised herself that she would try her best to keep those two relationships separate. She would not go running to him for advice when she had problems with her mother. She would let him determine for himself if and how much he wanted to be involved, just like her fathers had done for her, and despite whatever tension was between them she decided that she would tell him about her relationship with Shelby soon.

And she was going to do her best to make sure that this revelation didn't change any of their relationships.

Glancing up at the clock she nearly sighed with relief. Time finally seemed to be moving forward. The clock read 2:25 and, feeling a bit lighter than she had before, Rachel decided to start making her way to the auditorium.

She was running down her mental checklist in preparation for her audition when she heard voices up ahead and slowed in order to put on her best game face. Anyone hanging around the auditorium this late after school was almost guaranteed to be a member of Vocal Adrenaline, and Rachel wasn't going to leave doubt in anyone's minds that she belonged here. _Because I do_, she told herself as she stopped to run a hand through her hair and brushed imaginary lint from her skirt. It was then that she noticed the tone of the voices up ahead and cocked her head to the side slightly. From the harsh sound of the male voice it sounded like an argument…or a lover's spat, she thought when she heard a much calmer-sounding girl.

Of course now would be the time to slip away quietly and leave these two their privacy, but Rachel's feet and innate curiosity drew her nearer to the sound. She knew from her experiences in New Directions that personal drama was as much a part of a show choir as singing and dancing, and if her suspicions were correct and these were some of her new teammates then it would hardly hurt her to have a better idea of the team's dynamics. She told herself that she would just get a quick peek, but as she got closer she felt her heart speed up. She recognized those voices.

"What are you trying to prove?" Jesse's voice was sharper than Rachel had ever heard it.

"Nothing that isn't self-evident…" Something about the girl's tone gave the impression of restrained laughter, and Rachel tried to put a face to the vaguely familiar voice to no avail. "Though I'm really not the one who needs to prove herself today."

"Leave Rachel out of this," Jesse hissed.

"I'm not the one who brought her into to it," there was a harsh edge hidden under the amusement, "but you're right. She has no place in any of this. I mean seriously, Jesse, I'm all for the convenient little fling every once in a while, but this is taking things a bit far."

"This isn't a fling!"

"Of course not! It's destiny. True Love. You've known her for what? Two months? And you've already convinced her to forsake her old team and give up her entire life in order to follow you around these halls like a lovesick puppy. It would be cute, if it weren't so sad." Rachel felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she listened to this girl describe her. The voice lowered to a stage whisper and Rachel had to strain to hear. "Between you and me, was it _her_ idea that she transfer schools? Or _yours_?"

Rachel wondered if this was the reason behind all of the stares and whispers she got in the halls. Was this how _everyone_ saw her? The general population of Carmel would have no way of knowing otherwise, and could have easily come up with their own versions of the truth when one wasn't readily supplied to them. Her face burned hotter at the thought, and she had to swallow hard to force herself to remain quiet and hidden, realizing that this conversation would probably take place whether she was there to hear it or not, and right now her most prudent option was to hang back and listen.

The girl around the corner carried on in a mockingly serious tone, unaware of her audience. "You know, for someone who loves to get up on his soapbox about playing games with people, you seem to be going all out with this one. I mean what is going to happen to that poor girl when you get done with her?"

"I know this is hard for you to comprehend, but my relationship with Rachel is not a game, she is not a toy, and I have no intention of breaking up with her." There was finality in his tone that gave Rachel a warm feeling of reassurance in the pit of her stomach.

"Right," the disbelief in the other girls tone was evident, and Rachel felt the reassurance inside of her get covered over by a hard shell of anger. "You plan on being with your little sophomore forever and ever. But what happens at the end of this semester…you know…when we graduate? Is she going to transfer to a high school in California, or will you stick around Lima for two more years?...Or will you go off to college and _save yourself_ for her until she comes out to LA. Give her one of those Jonas-Brother-celibacy-promise-ring things…" She was openly laughing now, "Come on, Jesse! We both know that phone sex isn't your thing…"

Rachel felt her face burn red and tried to swallow. _What! _Moving as quietly as possible she tip-toed to the corner of the hall and then leaned forward just a fraction. Her vantage point offered her a clear view of them both and she immediately recognized the long red hair, icy blue eyes, and taunting smile of the girl who stood across from her boyfriend.

_Julia._

Rachel's mind immediately went back to the brief interaction she had shared with the girl two days ago in the bathroom. With everything that had been going on at the time their confusing little conversation had been all but forgotten, but now it popped into forefront of her mind. Julia hadn't been outright mean, but she'd left no doubt in Rachel's mind that she had no intention of becoming friends. She'd even mentioned something about Jesse having a 'type'…and only now did Rachel understand the implication of that comment.

It made sense of course, that Jesse would have an ex-girlfriend. Rachel had no illusions about being the first girl Jesse had ever dated. After all, she'd been with Finn right before they met. So why had the thought never occurred to her before? This situation shouldn't be nearly as shocking to her as it was. Yet, for some reason, having the general knowledge that there had been another girl in his life before her was entirely different from having that girl standing just a few feet away, and realizing just how…close the two of them must have been.

"When we were together, you could hardly go a week without fooling around. Now you're going to go months at a time?" Jesse's ex asked with skepticism. Rachel remembered kissing him earlier in her mother's classroom and how clearly eager he was to take their relationship to the next level. "How long do you honestly think this thing is going to last?" From her vantage point Rachel could see the angry scowl he was shooting Julia, but there was no denying the silence that suddenly filled the corridor and Rachel felt her stomach clench with anxious worry.

As Jesse's silence lingered in the air she saw something in Julia shift, as though she'd just received the confirmation she'd been hoping for. Within seconds everything about her demeanor seemed to soften, and Rachel couldn't help but admire the amount of emotional control and dramatic skill the girl must have, even as her fists curled into tight balls by her sides.

With a look that was sickeningly sincere, Julia took a small step forward. "Jesse, listen, I know that you're angry with me," Jesse opened his mouth to interrupt and Julia held up an appeasing hand, "and you have every right to be! …You must know that I never meant for things to get so far out of hand –"

"You never do," Jesse said bitterly, and Rachel saw a flash of hurt under the anger.

"And I'm sorry." Apparently Julia noticed too. "I don't know how else to say it, or how to make you believe me–"

"I thought you didn't need to prove yourself,"

Julia ignored him, "But you can't seriously be considering throwing away the past three and a half years–"

"I didn't!" Jesse's voice was hard, his glare relentless, "_You_ did." Julia flinched and couldn't meet his eyes. "And my relationship with Rachel has _nothing_ to do with you –"

"_Of course it does_!" Julia's face was tinged red, and whatever control she had a few seconds ago snapped. "We breakup and a few months later you suddenly decide to transfer schools in order to be with the lead singer of _the McKinley High Glee Club_," her tone conveyed her disparaging thoughts without her uttering a single insult. "Fine. You needed time and space, and I respected that. But then you bring her back here, parade her around the halls like a newly trained puppy, and try to get her a spot on our team?" Rachel felt like she was standing just a little too close to a raging fire. She could feel the heat radiating between the two of them all the way over here, and she couldn't look away. "Jesse, you cannot tell me that this _isn't_ about _us_."

"There is no 'us' anymore!" Jesse shouted. "You made sure of that."

"Jesse, I–" Whatever Julia was going to say next was cut short.

"You want to know why I'm with Rachel?" Jesse's raised his voice forcefully, taking an intimidating step forward and shortening the gap between them to mere inches, but Julia seemed to steel herself, and refused to back down. "She doesn't play games with people. She doesn't manipulate people, or lead them on. When she tells me she cares about me, I don't have to second guess whether she means it or not. My relationship with her isn't a constant power struggle." Even as he lowered his voice Jesse's words still rang out clearly in the nearly empty hallway, "She doesn't always have to win, and more importantly other people don't always have to lose. She isn't jaded, or cold, or ruthless, or vengeful. She isn't _vindictive_," Jesse spat out the word with venom, and for the first time Julia looked away. A look of triumph crossed his face at having obviously scored a point, and Rachel marveled at seeing this side of him for the first time.

Julia was quick to collect herself, but seemed a bit more restrained in her reply. "...You're right." Those words cleared the smirk clean off of Jesse's face, and Rachel imagined that he was bracing himself for whatever Julia would say next. "Jaded, ruthless, vindictive…she probably isn't any of those things…" she looked back up at him, "But you are." Julia stared up at him, challenging him to deny the accusation. It was now Jesse's turn to look away. "Why do you think we've always been so damn good together?" Julia put a hand on his chest, drawing his attention back to her.

They stared at each other for a long minute, and Rachel felt like she was intruding on something private, which only served to upset her further. She wanted nothing more than to step forward and break the moment, but her feet didn't seem to be taking any commands at the moment, and her tongue was stuck to the roof of her mouth, cutting off any chance she had at speaking up. So instead she waited silently for this scene to play itself out.

Finally Jesse said, "You always have known how to bring out the worst in me." He broke their gaze and took a step back. Julia's hand fell to her side. The look of her hurt and rejection was only on her face for a second, but it made Rachel feel all the better for having seen it.

"Is that what you tell yourself? It's all my fault?"

Jesse shook his head. "I don't like who I am when I'm with you."

Julia stared at him with a hard gaze until he once again met her eyes. "We both know that that's not true," Julia told him with absolute certainty. Rachel could feel the chill between them from where she stood, and she much preferred it to the heat that had filled the hallway seconds before.

Jesse was once again the first one to turn away. Without another word to his ex, he pulled open the auditorium door beside him and silently walked inside. It wasn't until the door clicked home that Rachel saw Julia's unwavering confidence break. Turning her head up towards the ceiling she let out a harsh breath and squeezed her eyes closed, deflating before Rachel's eyes. "Damn it," she swore softly, and Rachel saw a tear trickle out from between her eyelashes only to be quickly swiped away by a hand as though it had never existed. Rachel refused to allow herself to feel any sympathy towards the girl. She doubted that Julia would appreciate it even if she did.

The two girls stood stark still in the hallway, each caught up in her own thoughts, until finally Julia seemed to collect herself. Setting her shoulders and taking a deep breath she followed Jesse's path into the auditorium, but Rachel remained frozen in that corridor long after the door closed behind her. She released a breath that she hadn't known she was holding. She felt like she'd just run a mile. Her brain was working in overdrive trying to sort through all of the information she'd just discovered and make sense of it. She really had no idea how to process it all. Part of her mind was telling her that she needed to find the nearest exit go home and try to get a handle on all of this, while the other half was telling her to go and get an explanation from Jesse.

Was this why he'd been acting so weird around her all day? No, she would not jump to conclusions so quickly. Going down that path would only lead to more confusion and hurt feelings. What she needed was time to think. She was fairly sure that her mother let her audition some other day if she explained what had happened, but as soon as her thoughts reached that point they rebelled against the idea. She'd known the truth about Shelby Corcoran for less than 24 hours and she refused to use the tentative connection that they had in order to get special privileges. Taking a deep breath she tried again to sort out her feelings about everything, but it was too much to deal with right now. So instead she did the opposite, pushing it all into the back of her mind as best she could and trying to find some shred of composure in order to see her through the next few minutes. Ultimately none of what she'd just heard had changed what she needed to do, and letting it distract her from the task at hand would be a mistake.

In her mind Rachel went through one of the coping techniques that her therapist had taught her during one of their many sessions, adjusting her breathing until it came out evenly and pushing away the shock and confusion that had gripped her mind for the last few minutes. She felt her heart gradually slow down, and was at last able to adjust her features into something mimicking composure. Walking over to the auditorium doors, she closed her eyes. She could do this. She had to do this.

With that thought, she pulled open the heavy door and quietly slipped into the dimmed theater. It didn't take long for her eyes to adjust to the difference in light and she was able to quickly make out roughly twenty or thirty people boisterously talking in pairs and small groups, all waiting for their practice to be called to order. Without any conscious effort, her eyes found their way to Jesse like a compass pointing north. He was standing in a small group with his back angled towards the door, so he didn't see Rachel walk in. She was sorely tempted to interrupt and pull him aside to talk, but she knew that they wouldn't have the time they needed to have the discussion that Rachel wanted to have right now, and on top of that she knew that there was far too much on her mind right now to be able to speak to him rationally about it. Biting her lip with worry, she was pleased to see that Julia was on the opposite side of the auditorium from him, presiding over a group of her own.

The redhead projected an image of being completely in control, and anyone who hadn't seen it with their own eyes probably wouldn't believe that she'd just been crying in the hallway. Once again Rachel felt grudging admiration for that fact, and hoped that she looked half as unaffected. As she looked at the other girl a snippet of her conversation with Jesse leapt forward from Rachel's memory. _Three years_. Julia had said that Jesse was '_throwing away the past three and a half years'_, and it wasn't difficult to do that math. Jesse and Julia had been dating since their freshmen year. She looked back over at her boyfriend and wondered how, in all this time, he had neglected to ever mention it to her. Three years was a long time for any relationship to last, but in high school it was practically decades. So why hadn't he said anything?

Seeming to sense the eyes on his back, Jesse glanced over his shoulder, but luckily it was in the wrong direction. Towards Julia, Rachel noticed. And it turned out that the other girl had indeed been looking at him as well. The Siberian coolness had returned to her gaze, but Rachel remembered the hurt look that had flickered across her face when Jesse had rejected her and the frustrated tear that had escaped when he walked away. They both looked away from each other at the same time, and an idea crossed Rachel's mind. Looking around the room, it took her a moment, but she was happy to spot Kendra and Oliver talking to another boy over near the stage.

She quickly crossed the room, doing her best not to draw anyone's attention. "Hey guys," she said as she stopped in front of them.

"Hey."

"Rachel this is Asher," Kendra introduced the boy standing next to her. He was tall, just a few inches shorter than Ollie, with brown hair and eyes that were just as dark. "Asher, Rachel Berry."

Rachel was too distracted to appreciate the disarming smile that he sent her way. "The lady of the hour, a pleasure to meet you," he said with a welcoming friendliness, offering his hand to shake at the same moment that Rachel did.

"The pleasure is mine," she replied distractedly, as he took her hand lightly in his. Before the pleasantries could go any further Rachel asked, "Do you mind if I borrow Oliver and Kendra for a while?"

His smile dimmed slightly, and Rachel felt a little bad about being so abrupt with someone who was actually trying to be nice to her. "Um, not at all," he shot the other two a look, "I'll see you guys later. Rachel," he paused as though not knowing what to say, "It was nice meeting you."

He was already moving away before Rachel thought to call out, "You too."

Kendra snorted. "Nice."

"What up Rachelberry?" Oliver asked.

Rachel looked around the auditorium, knowing how easily sound traveled in a room like this, and seeing that others were starting to take note of her arrival. "Is there somewhere more private that we could talk?"

"Is this about your top secret audition piece?" Rachel had refused to reveal to Ollie or Kendra what she would be singing, wanting it to be a surprise. The only person she'd told so far had been Jesse.

"I promise you, nobody cares that much," Kendra said with her usual frankness. While most of the people in the club were curious about Rachel, none of them were overly eager to know about her set list. Not enough to spy on their conversation.

"Thank you for that encouragement," she said to Kendra, "And no, it's not about my performance. Actually, it's…personal."

"Personal?" Oliver looked far more interested now.

"Yes."

Kendra rolled her eyes at the monosyllabic answer. "Come on." She led them both up on stage and through the wings, to a part of the auditorium that Rachel had never been in before. Kendra didn't stop there though, instead continuing on past the main common room backstage and into a door that was clearly marked as the girl's dressing room. Oliver didn't hesitate to follow her in there though, and Rachel did the same. There were racks of costumes, rows of lockers, and plenty of vanity mirrors. It looked just a messy as you would expect a room where a dozen girls had to change clothes to look. There were miscellaneous objects scattered on pretty much every surface, but luckily there were no other people in the room except the three of them.

Kendra went and sat down on a stool near the vanity mirrors, and Oliver quickly made himself comfortable as well, apparently feeling no discomfort from being in the girl's dressing room. "So…what's your drama?" Kendra asked, bringing Rachel back to the reason why she'd asked them to bring her in here.

Rachel tried to think of a subtle way to broach the subject and then decided that the best thing to do in this case was pretend as though it wasn't a big deal. "Jesse and Julia were together for three years. Since they were freshmen?" she started out with a question she already knew the answer to.

She didn't miss the cautious look that passed between the two of them before Kendra answered. "…Yes…"

"So, why did they break up?"

There was another look before Oliver told her, "Maybe you should talk to Jesse about this."

"Jesse doesn't want to talk about it," She neglected to mention that she hadn't yet asked, "and seeing as how Julia clearly has a problem with me being here, I think I have a right to know why."

"She has a point." Rachel shot Kendra a grateful look. Seeing that he was outnumbered Ollie shrugged his assent and leaned back in his chair, letting Kendra take charge. "How much do you know?"

"For the purposes of this conversation let's say nothing."

"Okay…Well, from the start their relationship was dysfunctional. Since the moment they met they've loved to antagonize each other. One minute they're making out, the next they're at each others throats, and then they're right back to being bestest friends. I mean, they were one of those couples that fed off of drama." From what she'd just seen Rachel had no problem picturing what Kendra said. "Over the years things calmed down a bit between them, but it was still nothing close to a normal, functional relationship. They were constantly toying with each other, doing things to make each other jealous." None of this sounded like the Jesse she knew, but it didn't seem like a far stretch from the boy she'd seen out in the hallway.

"A few months ago Julia decided to throw a party and I think the two of them had a fight or something–"

"You think?"

"Yes…If you're looking for a blow-by-blow then go and talk to your boyfriend, okay? The only people who know what really happened between them that night are Jesse and Julia. The only things we know are what we've put together since then." Kendra waited to see if Rachel would make any further comments, and took the girls silence as permission to carry on. "So Julia threw a party, the two of them had a fight, and apparently Julia did something that Jesse couldn't forgive…so they broke up. Permanently this time."

"What did she do?"

"Like I said, only two people know for sure, and neither of them is in this room. Jesse refuses to talk about it with either of us. But…the general consensus around the school is that Julia slept with another guy at the party that night."

"She cheated on him?"

"Yes." Kendra answered at the same time that Oliver finally broke his silence and said "No!" The two of them looked at each other again, but this time Rachel recognized some contention in their gazes. This seemed to be a point that they had disagreed on before. When they finally broke their look it was Ollie who continued. "Look, everyone in this school has been speculating about what happened since the day they broke up, but none of them knows what actually happened. I'm not saying that Jules is innocent or it wasn't her fault, but you shouldn't take the speculation to be anything more than what it is; Schadenfreude." Kendra rolled her eyes and Rachel remembered learning that word from the Avenue Q song. People taking pleasure in the pain of others. That sounded about right.

With hostility creeping into Kendra's tone she asked, "So the queen bitch takes a tumble, and the masses pounce. You think she doesn't deserve it?" For some reason those words struck a chord with Rachel, but she couldn't put a finger on why.

"I think it's not my job to decide what she does and does not deserve. And it isn't yours either," Ollie answered defensively.

"I can't believe your still protecting her…taking _her_ side!"

For a second Rachel thought that she was about to see Oliver lose his temper for the first time, but instead of rising to the bait he forced himself to lean back into a more relaxed position in his chair, calmly saying, "I'm not taking her side. Until one of them tells me what the hell happened I'm not taking anybody's side."

Kendra seemed to find his more level response infuriating. Glaring at him, she leaned forward with some undoubtedly harsh words on the tip of her tongue, but at the last moment she decided against them. Snapping her mouth shut, she abruptly stood from her chair. Ollie and Rachel were both slightly startled by the sudden move, but Kendra didn't seem to care. Stiffly she told them, "We should get out on stage before Coach gets here." Without another glance at either of them she crossed the room and threw open the door, walking through it without pause.

"What was that about?" Rachel finally asked when the door had swung shut.

"Kendra and Jules have never really gotten along. They're forced to put up with each other, and over the years they have perfected the art of polite hostility, but either one of them will take any opportunity to dig her claws into the other." Oliver stood, and gave Rachel a gentle pat on the shoulder before following Kendra through the door.

For Rachel it felt like all of the information she'd learned in the last 10 minutes was piling up in her head and coalescing to form the word **OUTSIDER** in bold stark letters. For all of her troubles at McKinley, at least she had known all of the back-stories to the drama. Here she just felt thoroughly confused by it all, and that semi-explanation from Kendra and Ollie had done little to help. When the door closed behind Ollie she found herself staring into her own reflection in the full length mirror on the back of the door, and wondering how everything had become so convoluted so quickly. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before letting it out in a gust of air. Opening her eyes again she noticed how tired she looked, but there was really nothing she could do about that at the moment.

Walking back towards the stage she tried to cast her roiling emotions aside and recapture the tenuous calm she had found moments before venturing out of her mother's classroom and into all of these unwelcome revelations. When she got closer to the main part of the auditorium she noticed that something had changed. The unruly noise of the team that had filled the auditorium when she went backstage had been replaced by the shuffling of feet and chairs squeaking. The only voices she heard were in the occasional hushed murmur. Stepping into the wings she saw that Shelby had arrived and was standing center stage under one of the blinding spotlights. Her mere presence in the room seemed to change atmosphere, commanding obedience without extorting the slightest effort and drawing every eye to her in the process. Rachel could feel the residual heat coming from the light from where she was standing, but the coach's face remained impassive, showing nothing of her thoughts or discomfort. Rachel wished that she could possess even a fraction of her mother's control, and resolved that one day she would find out the older woman's secret. After all, they had time for that sort of thing now.

The thought made Rachel smile and in a small corner of her sea of turbulent emotion she felt the peace she was searching for settle into place. She clung to it like a drowning woman to a life-preserver and allowed her lungs to take in the first full breath she'd had in a while. Despite her lingering intimidation around Shelby, she was incredibly grateful for her presence in this moment. It reminded her that no matter what came next she had already gained something irreplaceable, and it only served reaffirmed her faith in her decision to leave McKinley.

This is where she needed to be.

Casting her eyes out over the rows of students seated before the stage, she wondered if she should go and join them. No one had specified whether she should attend this part of the meeting or not, and like a magnet her eyes were once again drawn to Jesse. He looked more comfortable and relaxed here among the members of Vocal Adrenaline than he had ever been around her teammates at McKinley. Like he's in his element, Rachel decided. And it was true. Jesse was just as much _in _his element here as she was _out_ of hers, and instead of trying to join him she chose to stay in her current spot, almost entirely hidden from sight. With the fragile grip she had on her emotions right now, talking to him, or even sitting next to him, did not seem like a good idea. She would wait until after her performance to speak to him, after part of this crushing weight had been lifted from her chest, on the off chance that it might help her see things a bit more clearly.

Nodding to herself Rachel turned her attention back to the woman standing on stage, only to find that her mother had been watching her all along.

Shelby's eyes were piercing, studying Rachel from head to toe, and not for the first time in the woman's presence Rachel wished that she knew the thoughts unwinding behind her mother's intense gaze. While Shelby's face remained entirely unreadable, Rachel emotions were on open display. She felt a blush rush up her neck and into her face, causing her to duck her head with embarrassment. She couldn't help fidgeting uncomfortably, shifting her weight from one leg to the other and letting her hands tug self-consciously at her clothes, as though they weren't straight enough already. She felt like she was under a microscope, with her every move being analyzed and cataloged. It was only through a pure, stubborn force of will that she stilled herself, bringing her hands down to her sides and planting her feet in one spot. After she was sure was sure she could trust her body to remain still without the need to focus on her limbs, Rachel lifted her head and forced her eyes to return to her mother. At some point while she wasn't looking, Shelby's eyes had softened with something like concern, and Rachel couldn't believe that her mother would risk letting it show while she literally had a spotlight on her.

Seeming to read that thought on her face, Shelby gave her the slightest of nods before turning back towards her team, who were none the wiser about the small moment that had just passed between mother and daughter. Rachel was relieved to be out from under that penetrating stare, and felt a dose of gratitude towards her mother for not telling her to go take a seat with all the others. She positioned herself so that she was further blocked from her classmates view by the curtains, and did her best to listen as Shelby called the meeting to order and started to go over the agenda. Her mind was elsewhere though.

The information that Oliver and Kendra had given her, along with the conversation she had overheard, were starting to create a picture in her mind. Of what, she wasn't sure, but it was a picture nonetheless. When Julia accused Jesse of throwing away the past three years, he'd said 'I didn't, you did', which certainly implied that Julia had been the one to instigate their breakup. The girl seemed to accept the blame, or at least hadn't tried to argue the point, but now that Rachel thought about it she realized that Julia had made no attempt to deny any of Jesse's insults. He'd called her cold, ruthless, jaded…but what stood out more sharply than anything else in Rachel's mind was the vitriol that filled his voice. He had sounded absolutely nothing like the sweet, funny, arrogant boy that she knew, and for some reason that bothered her more than anything. Kendra said that they'd always liked to antagonize each other, but had things always been so harsh between them? Or did Jesse used to talk to her the way he talked to Rachel now? She honestly couldn't decide which was worse, the idea that Jesse and Julia had once been as close, or closer, than he and Rachel were now, or the idea that such a relationship could ever get so bad.

It would be so much easier just to pretend that they had always been this way, and that things between Julia and Jesse had never been good in the first place, but her traitorous mind would not allow Rachel even that much comfort. She recalled the flash of pain that had shown on Julia's face when he stepped away from her, and the way her well-constructed barriers had all but crumbled the moment he walked away, as though she didn't have the strength to hold onto them any longer, revealing the very real frustration and hurt that the girl had tried so hard to hide. Leaving Rachel with no doubt that whatever had been between the two of them had been very close indeed.

Rachel was so lost in her thoughts that she almost didn't notice Shelby winding down her speech until she asked, "Are there any questions or comments at this time?" Rachel felt her pulse quicken and felt the kick of adrenaline through her system. This was it. It was finally time. "Then without further ado, Rachel Berry will be auditioning for a spot on the team, so please give her your undivided attention," Shelby turned and to her with an outstretched arm, "Rachel?"

Pulling in a deep breath Rachel propelled herself forward onto the stage and quickly joined her mother. Shelby. Coach Corcoran. And a hand fell onto her shoulder. "Thank you, Coach Corcoran," she gave her mother a tight smile, and the older woman nodded, giving her shoulder a gently squeeze before walking away to go and join her students. It was only as she turned to face her audience that Rachel realized that the one good thing to come from her distraction over Jesse and Julia was that her mind had been too wrapped up in that to allow her to worry about anything else.

She faced her audience and remembered exactly who she was about to perform for. There were a few receptive faces in the audience that she could see, but for the most part they looked bored. Searching for a friendly face her eyes landed on Jesse, who was sitting front and center with his attention utterly rapt on her. She tried to speak, "Um, thank you all for coming. After careful research and deliberation I have decided on two songs that I would like to perform for your consideration..." Jesse gave her an encouraging smile and she hardly realized that she had trailed off. Unbidden, the look of scorn he had worn during his conversation with Julia played through her mind, and Julia's reaction to it followed closely behind.

"God, she looks like Bambi in the headlights," someone stage whispered in the darkness. Snickers and barely concealed laughter filled the auditorium, snapping Rachel out of her reverie. "Whose idea was this?" she didn't see who made the comments, but she felt her face heat up in a way that had nothing to do with the lights. Without realizing it her thoughts must have been showing on her face.

Jesse's look of support had turned to one of concern.

"Quiet!" Like the voice of God, Shelby's sharply delivered command rang out in the auditorium and instantly silenced everyone in attendance. Rachel didn't know where Shelby stood in the darkened auditorium, she couldn't see past the first two rows, but again she found an unexpected comfort in her mother's presence that she hadn't anticipated.

Straightening her spine, Rachel swiftly considered her options and, trusting her instincts, made a last minute change to her setlist. "For my first piece, I'll be singing a song from the sophisticated and byzantine world of Chess, about a woman's ill-fated and passionate romance with a talented man held back by his past." Confusion flooded Jesse's features.

Staring up at his girlfriend from his seat in front of the stage, Jesse suddenly felt the grip of nervous anticipation in the pit of his stomach. There was something wrong with her. Jesse noticed it the moment she walked out on stage, but he had written it off as the same performance jitters he had seen back in Shelby's classroom. It wasn't until Rachel's eyes went impossibly wide and her voice trailed off in the middle of her introduction that he realized it was more than that. For a few seconds she had stared down at him like she'd never seen him before, and now, seemingly on a whim, she announced that she would be singing an entirely different song from the one that they had practiced not 30 minutes ago. She had been absolutely confident in the songs she had picked when Jesse had left her alone 10 minutes before. How could she have possibly come up with, and practiced, an entirely new song in that time? There was no way, unless…no…Jesse searched Rachel's face for some sign that he was wrong, and found none. She couldn't possibly be thinking about improvising an audition song on the fly. There was no way. After all the hours of research and discussion that she put into finding the 'perfect audition song', she wouldn't just unilaterally decided to sing something else at the last minute…but all evidence pointed to the contrary.

Looking up at Rachel he silently begged her to look at him, but his plea went unanswered as Rachel brought the microphone to her lips and in an instant reminded him of exactly what had drawn his attention to her in the first place. Her voice vibrated across the room and down into Jesse's spine, causing him to shiver and forcing them all to sit up just a little bit straighter.

"_If it were love I should give that love every second I have/ And I do." _There was a wistfulness to her voice that fit the song perfectly_, "Did I know where he'd lead me to?" _Wide brown eyes suddenly turned towards him, pinning him to his seat, and erasing every question he wanted to ask from his mind.

"_Did I plan/ Doing all of this for the love of a man?"_ The uncertainty in her eyes made Jesse's heart pound harshly in his chest. Either she was a far better actress than even he gave her credit for, or this song was about more than just an audition. "_Well I let it happen anyhow/ And what I'm feeling now/ Has no easy explanation/ Reason plays no part." _The way she stared straight into his eyes made him forget that there was another living soul in that auditorium. "_Heaven help my heart…" _She held the note and her voice rang out as clear as bell. Rachel tore her eyes from his and Jesse felt bereft at the loss of their connection, as reality slammed back down around him.

"_I love him too much/ What if he saw my whole existence/ Turning around a word, a smile, a touch?" _Her voice was gentler, but no less captivating, as she walked down stage, and Jesse realized that the atmosphere hadn't just changed for him. Like her mother had before her, Rachel's presence on stage captivated the attention of every person in the room.

"_One of these days, and it won't be long, he'll know more about me/ Than he should._" She skillfully played around with the note, letting it roll up and down a half-step, "_All my dreams will be understood/ No surprise/ Nothing more to learn from the look in my eyes."_ Sadness was laced through the words and Jesse felt the melancholy of the song take hold of him.

"_Though I know that time is not my friend/ I'll fight it to the end/ Hoping to keep this best of moments/ When the passions start/ Heaven help my heart…" _Rachel's powerful voice was filled with conviction that was undeniable. "_The day that I find/ Suddenly I've run out of secrets / Suddenly I'm not always on his mind._" Rachel ducked her head with affecting vulnerability, but her voice didn't waver. _"Maybe it's best to love a stranger/ Well that's what I've done." _The emotions in her voice and on her face were heartbreakingly real and unfiltered, and made Jesse want to jump on stage to take her into his arms.

"_Heaven help my heart…" _she returned to the refrain,holding onto the final high note, before repeating it again, "_Heaven help my heart..."_ She ended the last note with an even decrescendo, and no one made a sound until her voice finally drifted off into silence. A wave of appreciative applause and quiet whispers broke out in the auditorium, and in an almost shy gesture Rachel ducked her head, hiding her face from view behind the falling tendrils of her long dark hair.

Jesse wondered again what could have possibly inspired the spur of the moment change, and passionate performance of that song. He resolved that to find out as soon as the two of them got a minute alone to talk, and he had to once again fight down the impulse to jump on stage and catch Rachel up in a tight embrace. She just looked so incredibly small up there on that stage…Jesse was almost stunned when she raised her head again to reveal a supremely confident smile playing across her lips. Instead of the looking fragile or emotional, Rachel was suddenly back to her old self, and Jesse had to wonder if she really was just _that good_ of an actress. There had been such an open and raw quality about her performance that Jesse didn't think it was possible. He tried to read her, to see through the mask that she now wore, but it was just as unyielding as Shelby's. He wished that she would look at him. He knew that her eyes always revealed more of her emotions than she wanted them to, which might be the reason why she seemed to be pointedly avoiding meeting his gaze now.

Without waiting for noise in the auditorium to die back down, and with a level of self-assurance that Jesse hadn't realized she had missing until that moment, Rachel turned slightly and gave a quick nod to the band off to the side of the stage. The mood shifted as soon as the drums kicked in on stage, and quickly filled the rest of the auditorium as people began to recognize the song. With a playful grin on her face, Rachel lifted the microphone back up to her lips and sang, "_Her face is a map of the world/ Is a map of the world/ You can see she's a beautiful girl/ She's a beautiful girl,_" just as they had in the music room earlier, Rachel sang this song with aplomb; the very embodiment of the words that rolled off of her tongue. "_And everything around her is a silver pool of light/ The people who surround her feel the benefit of it/ It makes you calm/ She holds you captivated in her palm."_ The timidity from the last song had left her movements and Rachel now swept across the stage as though she owned it. Moving from the area where the band played and back to the audience, she made it entirely hers, all the while sporting a beatific smile that challenged anyone who saw her not to be drawn in.

"_Suddenly I see/ This is what I wanna be/ Suddenly I see/ Why the hell it means so much to me." _He saw Rachel's eyes drift towards the back of the auditorium, and knew, without looking, that Shelby sat back there, enraptured with her daughter's performance. _"I feel like walking the world/ Like walking the world/ You can hear she's a beautiful girl/ She's a beautiful girl." _As Rachel returned her attention to the student in front of her, Jesse turned his head slightly in order to gauge the reactions of his teammates. He was pleased to see that most part people seemed to be reserving their opinions for later. The political nature of Vocal Adrenaline was well-known amongst its members, and for most of them picking a side either for or against Rachel at the moment was not prudent. Most of them would wait until it was time to vote to decide, which meant that he would have the opportunity to sway their opinions. Unfortunately he wouldn't be the only one.

Shifting slightly forward in his seat he was not surprised to see that, while a few of her cronies expressed outright boredom and even anger, Julia's face remained absolutely blank. She wasn't one to show her cards this early in the game, and despite the many years they had spent together, Jesse still found her impossible to read sometimes. It made Jesse anxious to wonder what could possibly be going through her head. He knew her well enough to know that it would be nothing good. As though she felt his eyes on her, Julia suddenly glanced over at him sharply, and Jesse had to force himself not to look away. A few seconds into their staring contest she let her eyes slide over to Rachel and then turned back to him with a sweet smile that made his stomach leap. Jesse scowled and turned away from her then, not wanting her to see how much she got under his skin.

He tried to focus his attention on Rachel, who was just building up to the end of the song, but his thoughts kept straying back to Julia and what she could possibly have planned_."She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see/ Yeah, yeah."_ How many people would follow her lead? Brook, Annabelle and the rest of her followers would do whatever she said. Then there were people like Eric, who would vote against Rachel for no other reason than the fact that she was with Jesse_. "She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see/ Yeah, yeah."_ Jesse had his own friends of course, who he knew would back him up, but the bulk of his support would have to come from people who showed no steady allegiance to him or Julia. "_She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see/ Yeah, yeah!" _He saw Cassidy and Caroline whispering back and forth to each other, and he was sure that one of them was trying to convince the other. Then there was Asher, who Jesse was surprised to see nodding his head along with the music with little reservation, and Jane sitting next to him, who looked receptive to the performance. Jesse quickly made a mental list of those he thought would be persuaded to join Rachel's side, even though he knew his list would probably bare little relation to reality.

At least one thing was for certain, anyone who wanted to keep Rachel off of Vocal Adrenaline would have a hard time denying that the girl could _sing_. Her powerful voice tugged at him unrelentingly until she had recaptured his attention entirely. "_Suddenly I see/ This is where I wanna be/ Suddenly I see/ Why the hell it means so much to me." _Rachel ended the song with a flourish, practically glowing under the bright stage lights. As far as Jesse was concerned, this audition only solidified the fact that this was exactly where she belonged. Anyone who couldn't see that... He looked around at his teammates to see most of them were already engaged in conversation, Rachel's presence on stage almost instantly forgotten as the students of Vocal Adrenaline spoke amongst themselves.

Barely registering the quietly conversing students, Rachel let out a soft sigh of relief, to have actually pulled that off. Changing up her set list at the last minute had been a reckless move, but if there was one thing she had learned over the years, it was to sing what she felt. And there was no song that more perfectly summed up her feelings in that moment than "Heaven Help My Heart". She'd poured every ounce of emotion she felt into it, and by the time she was done actually felt like she'd gotten some release. Without the burden of all that emotional baggage weighing on her chest, she was able to give a much lighter and energetic performance that she hoped would show off some of her range. Bringing herself back to the present moment she looked around at the show-choir team in front of her, who were already debating with each other over the quality of her performance as though she was no longer there.

Now that her audition was done she could only think to ask one thing, "…So when do I start?" The room abruptly quieted as everyone turned to look at her in surprise.

From somewhere near the back of the theater came an amused laugh, accompanied by very slow and deliberate clapping as Shelby emerged from her nearly hidden position, which Rachel had no doubt had been entirely intentional on her part. She'd made it impossible for anyone of her students to covertly gauge her reaction during the performance, and now they all eagerly turned to see her opinion. Her face remained neutral, but from Rachel's vantage point she could just makeout the faint hint of a sparkle in her mother's eyes, and took comfort in knowing that what Jesse said was true. Shelby really was already in her corner, and that was more than Rachel could have ever expected just two days ago.

With the ghost of a laugh still in her voice from her daughter's presumptiveness, Shelby reminded Rachel, "It isn't _quite_ that simple. The team still needs time to discuss your performance and _vote _on what they've seen." For a minute there Rachel had forgotten that Shelby's opinion wasn't the only one that mattered.

Sounding like she was reading a standard line that she repeated for every audition, Shelby said, "I will be in contact soon with the team's decision, but for now, thank you for auditioning for a spot on Vocal Adrenaline." She led the team in an almost formal round of applause, which was much too short to be entirely genuine, and Rachel knew that this was her cue to leave. She felt herself coming down from her adrenaline rush, and felt a slow trickle of disappointment take its place. It was like the crash after a high. Something you could never quite prepare yourself for.

"Right, well…thank you all for your time," Rachel replied with unerring politeness before stepping down off the stage. Around her, most of the members of Vocal Adrenaline had returned to their conversations, and before she could stop herself Rachel's eyes found Jesse. During her first song it had seemed imperative that he understand what she was feeling, so she had sung to him quite blatantly, looking him dead in the eye and trying to convey all of her fears and insecurities through the words of the song. She'd only seen confusion and concern reflected back at her though, and she hadn't had the strength to look at him again since then. Now her eyes sought him out.

His eyes met hers as soon as she turned to him, as though he had been waiting for her to do so all along. She couldn't read the amalgam of emotions that swept over his features in rapid succession. She had hoped that the song might help him to understand, but it appeared that all it had done was make him just as confused as she was. Rachel wanted to talk to him, to explain everything and get it all out into the open, but the minute she saw him begin to rise from his seat a sudden panic came over her and she felt the inexplicable urge to run away.

Turning to do just that Rachel almost let out a gasp when she saw piercing blue eyes staring up at her and realized exactly whose chair she had stopped in front of. Julia's gaze held her in place as the older girl seemed to study her with calculating precision that almost made her long for the enmity that she used to have with Quinn. There was a startling intelligence behind those eyes, and Rachel felt suddenly small standing before her. Luckily it only lasted for a second before Julia's lips turned up in a cold smirk and Rachel was released from her immobilization.

Without a second glance, she hastened towards the double doors that she had entered through, and somewhere behind her she heard Shelby give the command, "St. James, sit down."

"But…"

"Now." Shelby's tone brokered no argument, and Rachel was sure that her order was followed, however reluctantly. She sent a silent thanks to her mother as she finally reached the door and made her escape out into the hallway.

* * *

The First song is called "Heaven Help my Heart" from the musical Chess. On youtube Idina Menzel has an amazing rendition of this song, which is what I based Rachel's performance on.

the second song is "Suddenly I see" by KT Tunstall.

Your reviews always make my day, so I'd love to hear what you all think of this chapter. be sure to click and tell me what you think.


	14. The Vote

**A/N:** I have returned once again with a new chapter for all. Since the last time I posted I've discovered that writing a screenplay is not nearly as easy as one might think. Oh, and I also met Oprah. That's a story for another time though. I would once again like to thank NastElilbuggr for acting as my beta. I'm not sure how she does it (I suspect some form of witchcraft), but every time I send her a chapter, without fail, it comes back to me like ten times better than what I originally had. I don't think this story would be nearly as good without her. You've waited long enough though, so without further ado –

**The Vote**

Shelby watched Rachel walk off the stage and kept her face impassive. She'd been surprised by her daughter's emotionally dissonant choice of songs, but it had been an impressive showing none the less. After seeing the girl perform at Sectionals and noting some of her weaknesses, it was a real surprise to see how emotionally invested she was in her first song. It was hard to believe that Rachel had improved so much since Shelby had last seen her on stage, but she wasn't just mimicking performers that she admired this time. She had actually seemed to pour some of herself into the song. In fact, she'd been almost _too_ emotionally invested in it.

Shelby thought back to the unguarded look she'd seen on Rachel's face just before she'd called the meeting to order. When the girl turned and caught Shelby staring she'd tried to hide it, but for someone as experienced at reading expressions as Shelby, Rachel's insecurities had been written on her face clear as day. Was she having doubts already? Regretting her decision to come here? It had given Shelby an uncomfortable twisting feeling in her gut to see Rachel duck her head to try to hide whatever it was she was feeling. She'd been so confident and happy when Shelby last saw her. What could have possibly happened to change things? She watched the young singer visibly try to pull herself together.

When the girl raised her eyes again, Shelby knew that her own guard must have slipped just a bit. She wanted to offer her daughter some sort of comfort, but this was neither the time nor place to allow her concern for Rachel to show. Sending her the slightest nod of encouragement, Shelby had done her best to focus her attention on the students in front of her.

She could tell that the girl's anxiety still lingered when she stepped onstage, but it wasn't until she trailed off mid-introduction that Shelby knew that something was terribly wrong. Rachel was painfully awkward up there, her big brown eyes impossibly wide under the harsh glare of the spotlight. Shelby heard her students begin to laugh and heckle and had to force herself to maintain her composure. She wanted to call the whole thing off then and there, but it wasn't her place to make that choice for Rachel. So instead she settled on commanding her students to be quiet in her most intimidating voice, and silently hoped that her daughter would snap out of it.

It had been a relief to see her do just that, going through her introduction without any further hesitation, and then throwing herself into "Heaven Help My Heart". What Rachel lacked in true understanding and depth she made up for with raw emotion. A heartrending sadness emanated from her throughout the performance, making Shelby feel equal parts protective of her daughter and guilty about not knowing what might have caused her such turmoil.

Her brain kept circling back to the idea that she might have had something to do with it, but Shelby refused to consider the thought for long.

As Rachel reached the bottom of the stairs off the stage she paused and looked towards Jesse for a few long seconds. When the boy began to rise from his seat, instead of going towards him like Shelby expected, Rachel turned in the opposite direction and headed straight for the door as though she couldn't get away fast enough. That's when it clicked in Shelby's mind that the song had been directed at him. Rachel had been singing to Jesse at the beginning, but Shelby thought that she was just drawing comfort from her boyfriend after her rough start.

Suddenly it all made sense; the uncertainty, the song choice, the angst filled performance, the way Rachel appeared to be running away from him. Shelby felt a mix of relief and irritation. "St. James, sit down," she snapped.

Rachel was clearly in no mood to talk to him right now. Jesse turned to her in surprise and shot her a pleading look. "But…"

Shelby felt no sympathy for him as she replayed the performance in her head, and felt the pain in her daughter's voice even more acutely than she had the first time. "Now."

He looked towards the door longingly for a second and Shelby heard it thump close. Jesse sent a sour look towards Julia – though what she had to do with it Shelby had no idea – before sullenly walking back over to his seat. It was all Shelby could do to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the way he was pouting like a child who'd just had his favorite action figure taken away.

She walked back to the front of the auditorium and did her best to marshal her thoughts back into some semblance of order. There really wasn't much left for her to do in this process. She would pick a student to tally up the vote and act as discussion moderator, and then she would leave the room. She'd figured out a long time ago that the team worked much more cohesively when they got to express their opinions about potential members, and in an attempt to prevent her own opinions from unduly influencing her students Shelby had made a point of letting them do it without her. She was mentally kicking herself for that decision now. There was nothing she could do about it though. That was probably for the best anyway. She wanted her students to accept Rachel of their own free will so that they wouldn't be able to say she was the reason the young singer got on the team.

Her mind focused on Rachel, wondering if the girl would go straight home now that her audition was over. As far as she knew Rachel had no reason to stick around on campus, she certainly didn't look like she would be waiting around for Jesse. Shelby felt a surge of disappointment at the thought that she wouldn't get a chance to talk to her daughter. All day she'd been dying to have a real conversation with the girl, but she didn't want to risk drawing any unwanted attention to their relationship. Now it seemed they wouldn't get another opportunity to talk until tomorrow at the earliest. Rachel wouldn't even have her class again until Friday.

Shelby decided that was unacceptable. Making a snap decision she called her students to attention. "Alright, you all know the drill, you have an hour to talk things over, and then take a full vote. There will be _no_ abstaining." She did a quick assessment of the students assembled in front of her. "Who would like to act as moderator?" Everyone looked around but no one seemed particularly eager to do it. "Don't everyone raise their hands at once."

Popping up from his seat Oliver raised his hand in the air and jumped up and down like a five year old who really had to go to the bathroom. "Pick me, pick me! Oh pick me, pleeeease pick me!"

Everyone burst out laughing and Shelby nodded her head. "All right, Oliver will be our impartial moderator."

He raised a hand to his chest in mock disbelief and then put on a gracious smile for his classmates, nodding his thanks for the congratulations that no one actually offered. Despite this display Shelby knew that he would take the role seriously and conduct the meeting fairly.

She drew everyone's attention back to her, "And, in honor of today's audition, practice will be cut short. After the vote is done you're all free to go." She heard the low buzz of excitement, and didn't try to contain it. She simply told them, "We will resume practice tomorrow on our regular schedule, so come prepared."

She allowed them to talk excitedly amongst themselves for a few seconds before cutting in, "If there are no questions…I'll turn the meeting over to Oliver." She nodded at the boy and saw him stand up to address his teammates. Shelby didn't pay attention to the words that he was saying as she walked towards the door. She was too busy trying to appear as though she wasn't in a hurry. Her pace quickened when she reached the hallway, and she was glad that the school was mostly deserted. It would not do for students to see their usually calm and reserved Glee coach practically running down the halls, but at the moment Shelby didn't care about that.

The only thing she cared about at the moment was getting over to the northeast parking lot before Rachel left. Not that she had been watching for her daughter to arrive this morning or anything. She could admit that after Rachel left last night she may have begun to worry that she had come on too strong with her daughter, but it wasn't like the girl was going to suddenly change her mind about their relationship overnight. Of course not. It was just a happy coincidence that the woman had recognized Rachel's Mini Cooper when it pulled into the parking lot this morning, and couldn't help taking note of it. And now that information was actually coming in handy.

Shelby knew these hallways all too well, and was able to cut the normal six minute walk from the auditorium to the parking lot down to two. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that her daughter's car still sat in the nearly empty parking lot. It was only as she got closer to the vehicle that she became certain that Rachel wasn't in it. She wasn't sure whether she should stay here and wait for her daughter to come out. Given the head start Rachel had, she didn't think it was possible that she'd simply beaten the girl here. After looking around the parking lot one more time she went inside and took the long way back towards the auditorium this time, certain that if Rachel were headed this way they would cross paths.

By the time she made it halfway back she was sure that Rachel wasn't going to her car. So where could she be? Shelby didn't know Rachel well enough to say with any certainty where she would turn in her current state of mind, and that lack of insight into her daughter's mind was extremely frustrating.

Taking a guess, she changed course and hoped that she wouldn't be too far off. The clacking of her heels was the only sound she heard until she got closer to her classroom and heard the faint sounds of her piano. With relief Shelby opened the classroom door and slipped inside to find Rachel sitting there. Although she didn't usually like students playing with the instrument without permission, in this instance it didn't bother her nearly as much as it normally would.

She silently watched for a minute as Rachel distractedly chewed her bottom lip with unfocused eyes that stared off into some undefined point in her mind. Shelby wished that she could ask the girl what she was thinking about, but she didn't dare intrude on what were obviously private thoughts. Instead she took another slow step into the classroom. When that failed to catch the young woman's attention she went with a more direct approach.

"Rachel."

The sound abruptly stopped, and Rachel jumped like a rabbit against an electric fence. "Shelby! Hi! I, um, I didn't hear you come in…"

Shelby took another slow step towards the piano. "I didn't know you could play."

"Um…" Rachel looked confused until Shelby nodded down at the piano. "Oh! I don't play. Not really. I mean, I know a few chords, but that's about it. It's on my list of things to learn how to do before I turn 21 though."

Shelby's mind conjured up the image of her and Rachel sitting together at the piano, but she almost immediately dismissed it. At least, she tried to. It was a sweet idea, one that would surely linger in her mind, but she knew that the reality of it wouldn't be nearly so simple. She still had no clue what sort of access the Berry men would allow her to have to their daughter, or how much Rachel really wanted her there. Until she did, she would maintain a safe distance and allow Rachel to set the pace.

"I actually had my fathers buy me a piano, you know, for motivational purposes, because I figured that once I had one I would be inspired to learn how to use it…except it turns out it's not so easy to teach yourself how to play, so it's just been sitting there for the last two years, and Daddy says that he and Papa aren't going to buy me another musical instrument until I learn how to use it, which I think is a entirely unfair. Creativity should never be stifled! I've slowly been wearing Daddy down, though, so all hope is not lost..." Catching the look on Shelby's face she realized how far off her tangent had gone, and her long winded explanation petered off as it returned to its starting point. "But…I, um…I don't play."

"Yeah. I got that," she said, her tone slipping into its usually wry bluntness. Rachel looked away with embarrassment and Shelby silently scolded herself for slipping back into Glee Coach mode. It was second nature to her though, and she was not usually so nice around people, but for Rachel she was determined to make an exception. Scouring her mind for something to say to break the awkward silence that suddenly fell, Shelby finally settled on the one thing she hoped would get Rachel talking again. "I learned how to play when I was about your age."

"Really?" Just as she hoped, Rachel was once again engaged in the conversation.

Shelby nodded. "I picked up a few things over the years, but I didn't really get serious about it until I was 14. My parents were not quite as supportive of it as yours though. The most I could get out of them was an electric keyboard."

With curiosity dripping from her tone, Rachel asked, "You taught yourself how to play?"

"Kind of. I was never _formally_ taught, but I would make friends with the musicians who came through my parents bar, and I was able to wear a few of them down enough to teach me a thing or two."

"That must've been amazing environment to grow up in."

Shelby could tell that the girl was romanticizing it in her mind, and she certainly had enough stories to burst that bubble, but she simply said, "It was…certainly an experience." She was happy to see that Rachel was interested, but talking about her childhood was one of the last things she wanted to do. In the last few days she'd said more on the topic than she had in last few years. Switching focus, she said, "I hope your dads weren't too upset last night." She saw the cringe that Rachel tried to keep off of her face.

"It was fine," Rachel said in a falsely casual tone. When she saw that Shelby wasn't buying it her hands began to fidget nervously at her sides. "Really. They were just worried about me. I told them where I was and they both understood." Probably sensing that Shelby wasn't about to let it go Rachel changed gears. "I also mentioned what you said about wanting to meet up and talk with them about…" Rachel gesticulated trying to come up with the proper word, "…this…and they both agreed that it was really good idea to have a sit down."

Shelby suddenly felt like a swarm of butterflies had invaded her stomach. No. Butterflies were far too gentle. _Bees _would be a more accurate description. A swarm made up of thousands of agitated bees trapped inside her stomach. Rachel was too busy digging around in her backpack to notice her discomfort.

Pulling out a sheet of paper she handed it to Shelby and explained, "This is my copy of their work schedules for the next week. Green is for Papa, and blue is for Daddy. As you can see things are pretty hectic." That was definitely evident. It was easier to count the hours they weren't working. "I've marked their most convenient times for the meeting." Shelby noticed that most of the times marked were around dinner. "But they are willing to cater to your schedule as much as possible, so it's really up to you."

Shelby nodded her head, and tried to keep her anxiety from showing. It had been nerve-wracking enough to talk to Leroy after all these years. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to talk to both Berry men at the same time, now that she had managed to barge her way back into their lives. Judging by Rachel's evasive wording about their reactions, they were probably none too pleased with any of this. And who could blame them? They hired a surrogate instead of adopting because they wanted a child that would be entirely theirs. Shelby was supposed to disappear from their lives after nine months, never to darken their doorstep again. They'd even had her sign a contract to make sure of it. Now they were all going to get together and figure out how she was going to become a part of their daughter's life? She couldn't imagine either of them being particularly happy about the situation.

"And I wasn't sure if you wanted me to be there or not, so I included a copy of my current schedule as well. You'll see it's highlighted in pink… Of course, that schedule is subject to change…depending on how things went with the vote…" Shelby was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice Rachel's pointed hint. The young singer cleared her throat. "I take it from your reluctance to broach the topic that it probably didn't go well."

Shelby stared at her for a moment in complete incomprehension, and Rachel took her confusion as agreement. The girl's eyes began to tear up, and Shelby immediately stepped forward with concern. "Rachel, wha-"

"Please allow me to finish." The girl straightened her spine and was clearly fighting back tears. "I realize how difficult it is to obtain a position on Vocal Adrenaline, and while I still believe that I would make an excellent addition to the team, I understand that you cannot simply ignore your student's opinions of my performance. Unity and morale are the foundation upon which a team is built, and I don't expect you to make any exceptions for me." Rachel paused for a second as though gathering her thoughts, "You know, I thought that if I didn't make it onto the team I would suddenly regret deciding to transfer. I mean, being a part of Vocal Adrenaline was one of the main reasons I came here in the first place."

Hearing that jolted Shelby back into action and she took another step towards her daughter, "Rachel…"

She shook her head, refusing to be interrupted. "But I've been thinking about what I might do if I didn't make it onto the team, and I've realized that Vocal Adrenaline isn't my main reason for wanting to stay here anymore." Shelby thought that she was talking about her relationship with Jesse, until Rachel offered her a hesitant smile, and familiar wide brown eyes met hers with open honesty. Shelby was stunned as the weight of the girl's unspoken words hit her. All too soon Rachel looked away, with a slight shrug of her shoulders, "So, it's okay that I didn't make it onto the team. Well…not _really _– I thought that my performance was inspired – but I will try to deal with the rejection with the grace befitting one headed down the path of my chosen profession and –"

"Rachel!" Her tone wasn't sharp, but the insistence of it cut off whatever else Rachel was going to say and made her finally stop to listen to what her mother had been trying to tell her all along. "The voting isn't done yet."

It took a moment for those words to process through the young woman's mind after apparently having resigned herself to the idea that she'd not been voted in. "…It isn't?"

Shelby shook her head and said gently, "No. When I left they were only just getting started." Relief coursed through her like a painkiller, erasing fears that she didn't even know she had. It was only now that she felt the relief of knowing that Rachel planned to stay no matter what the outcome of the vote, that she realized how worried she had been about her daughter leaving. After all, Glee Club meant so much to Rachel. She didn't think it would be possible for the girl to stay here and be happy without some outlet to feed her theatrical impulses into. Apparently she was willing to make that sacrifice though.

Shelby felt lighter…buoyant even.

She watched with amusement as Rachel ran her hands over the front of her skirt, with a red tint to her checks and said, "Oh. Well, that's…good." It was an obvious understatement judging by the relieved smile that blossomed across Rachel's face. She forced herself to reclaim her seat at the piano, and Shelby had to fight not to laugh at the girls attempt at restraint. "Why aren't you in there with them then?" Rachel asked curiously, relief still plainly showing on her face.

Shelby wasn't quite prepared to have the focus of the conversation returned to her.

"Um, I just…" came to make sure you were okay, she didn't say. "I like to give them space to talk about things and come up with a decision on their own. I didn't think you would still be here on campus…" She switched the focus of this conversation back to Rachel.

She expected the girl to say that she was just waiting around for the results of the vote, so she was surprised when Rachel stared down at the piano keys with an embarrassed look. "I don't have anywhere else to be, and I didn't want to go home yet."

Shelby wondered how much trouble the girl had gotten in last night. "You don't want to go home…?"

Her cautious tone made Rachel glance up and quickly shake her head, "I don't want to go home because there's nobody there. My dads will both be at work 'til late tonight, and I hate sitting around in a big empty house by myself until they come home." She refused to meet Shelby's eyes, but the older woman could see that her entire face was red, as though she had just admitted that she was afraid of the dark or something.

"Right," Shelby said, because she was unsure of what else to say. She knew exactly what Rachel meant. She rarely allowed herself to dwell on the thought, but she hated walking into her empty house at night. After growing up in a place that was constantly overrun with people she had never gotten used to being alone. There was just too much space in her house, too much silence, for one person to fill. Although it was far more embarrassing coming from a woman in her mid-thirties, she knew exactly what Rachel meant. She just couldn't bring herself to say it out loud. After a pause the girl returned her attention to the piano keys in front of her, and Shelby once again felt ridiculously inept. Her daughter apparently felt extremely lonely, and the best she could come up with was _'right'_? Rachel began tinkling at the keys again at random and Shelby moved forward until she was standing beside the piano bench.

She watched Rachel's form for a moment and allowed her mind to switch into teacher mode, a territory she felt far more comfortable with. It may not sound like it would be much of a problem, but one of the hardest things for most beginning piano students to learn was how to move their hands and fingers independently of each other. For some people it's simple, but for others it can be challenging. Rachel wasn't completely confident in her movements, but it wouldn't take much to help her improve.

Watching her daughter's hands move, she softly said, "I could show you a few things, if you'd like." Rachel fingers stopped as she looked up at Shelby. Remembering her earlier resolution to allow Rachel to set the pace of their relationship she tried to offer her daughter an out, "Unless you don't –"

Rachel quickly interjected, "I'd love that." She slid over on the bench to make room, and Shelby hesitated for a moment before taking a seat beside her. Whatever problems Rachel's fathers had, they were all just going to have to deal with them. So long as Rachel wanted her there, Shelby knew that she wasn't going anywhere.

* * *

Jesse tried his hardest to keep his mind on what was going on in the auditorium instead of worrying over Rachel. She needed him in here a lot more than she needed him following after her.

He hoped.

He still felt bitter resentment towards Shelby for stopping him from checking up on her, but he would deal with that later. Right now he couldn't afford to have his attention split.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, looks like I'll be your host. Try not to think of me so much as the leader of this little meeting, and more as a peer who just happens to be entirely in charge." Oliver sent a charming smile to everyone around. A few people had stood up and started moving around, so that the group was in a loose semi-circle around the front of the stage. "So I know somebody is just bursting to talk…" A freshmen, Melissa, raised her hand in the air eagerly, clearly having never attended one of these votes before. Generally opinions were simply shouted out without the formality, and Jesse knew it must've taken all of Ollie's restraint not to mock her for it. Keeping his mouth closed he simply nodded in her direction obligingly.

"I don't see why we're even_ having_ auditions. Ingrid is _going _to get better. It's just a broken leg." She looked around for some support, but nobody else really cared.

Another conceited freshmen asked her, "And what are we supposed to do in the meantime? Have _Ingy_ hobbling around the stage on crutches?" He laughed at his own joke and waited for others to join in. They didn't.

"Don't be a dick Blake," Melissa said with annoyance.

Ollie held up his hands. "Children, please, let's be civil, or else you're both going to have to start raising your hands." That elicited a few laughs at their expense, especially when they both looked down at the ground guiltily.

"Coach clearly wants a new member. Ingrid is just gonna have to deal," Jane told Melissa, who had scrunched down in her seat sullenly.

Andrea threw out there, "If it helps, by the time she's better I'm sure your spot will be vacant."

The new additions to the team chuckled because they thought she was joking. The older team members laughed even harder because they knew it was probably true.

"I didn't like her," Brook announced bluntly, with a bored expression on her face.

"Ingrid?" Cassidy asked.

"She was kinda stuck up," Caroline pointed out beside him.

"No. Well…her too. But I was talking about Rachel."

Annabelle nodded her head. "She seemed arrogant."

Jesse saw the way they both looked to Julia for approval, but she chose to remain impassive.

"What? You thought you'd cornered the market on arrogance?" Kendra asked sardonically. Annabelle glared at her. Jesse ignored them both. He knew exactly where Annabelle and Kendra stood. Instead he concentrated on the reactions of those around him. It wasn't too hard to tell who was and was not in favor of Rachel joining the club. Some of them would feel threatened by her, and some of them would just want to maintain the status quo, but Jesse was sure that the main reason would be because Julia wanted them to.

Playing devil's advocate, Gloria said, "Come on! 'So when do I start?'…That's pretty damn presumptuous."

"Sounded more like confidence to me," Dominico said with shrug.

"No reason not to be. She was good," Asher agreed. Jesse noted the people who nodded their heads in agreement.

"The last thing we need is another wannabe-diva trying to hog the spotlight," Brook said with a haughty tone. As a sophomore she would undoubtedly see herself as Rachel's direct competition for solos and future leading roles.

Looking amused Oliver asked, "Afraid of a little competition Brookie?"

"You can shove it up your –"

"Don't make me hold you in contempt…oh wait…"

"But did you guys see the way she froze up there?" Ethan asked with more than a little amusement. Enough make Jesse want to punch him in the face.

"So she was nervous. At least she didn't faint," Sandra pointed out. It wasn't an uncommon occurrence with people auditioning for Vocal Adrenaline the first time. The heat, the lights, the nerves, sometimes it got to them.

"Oh, come on, that was more than just 'nervous', that was Bambi staring down the headlights of a big rig truck," Eric told them unapologetically.

"Shut up, Eric." Everyone glanced at Jesse. He was sure they'd all been wondering when he'd jump in to Rachel's defense. He'd planned to wait a bit longer, but there was something about Eric McClendon's obnoxiousness that always made it hard for him to hold his tongue.

"What? We aren't allowed to criticize your girlfriend? You were never so defensive about Julia." Eric pointed out snidely, trying to get a rise out of her too. Julia didn't even acknowledge him with a glance. It was laughable to think that she would ever need Jesse's help defending herself from him.

Following Julia's lead, Jesse ignored Eric. Rising from his seat he drew every eye to him. "Can anyone here honestly say she's a bad singer? That Rachel is not good enough to be on the team? She's talented and dedicated -"

"And she's your girlfriend," Eric interrupted. "I think it's safe to say you're a bit biased."

"This isn't about _me_. It's about Rachel and her abilities."

Eric was undoubtedly about to give another smartass reply, but he was cut off.

"I agree." Julia said conversationally. "Rachel has a great voice. Her performance was a little raw, but that's nothing that won't iron itself out with experience." Everyone in the room stared at her as though she'd just grown a third head and started speaking in tongues. She just shrugged at their disbelief and pointed out, "The girl is talented." No one in the room honestly believed that she would ever take Jesse's side in this and just as expected, the other shoe dropped a few seconds later, "I do have one question though. Maybe we should get Rachel back in here to answer it." Julia looked around as though she was about to tell someone to go fetch her.

"No," Jesse said immediately.

Julia looked at him with questioning bemusement, and he shifted slightly from foot to foot. He had no real reason for denying her request, except that it was a knee-jerk reaction for him to oppose anything that came out if Julia's mouth, no matter how seemingly harmless. He knew her well enough to know that nothing from her was ever quite as harmless as it seemed. There was no way he was about to subject Rachel to her brand of questioning.

He stood his ground, silently glaring at her without saying anything else – without knowing what to say – and she eventually relented with sigh, "Fine. Then perhaps you could tell us...?"

"Here we go," someone whispered excitedly and a hush of anticipation fell over the room as Julia continued to address Jesse directly.

"Why did Rachel leave New Directions?" There was a pause in which everyone tried to find the hidden insult or insinuation in that question and came up empty.

"...Burn...?" Eric asked. Julia rolled her eyes and ignoring him.

At Jesse's continued look of suspicious she elaborated, addressing the whole team, "As those of us who were here after the purge can recall, building up a competitive show choir from scratch is not for the faint of heart. From what I can tell Rachel was the driving force behind the creation of McKinley High's glee team. So…" She shrugged, "why did she leave?"

"She wanted to be a part of Vocal Adrenaline," Jesse said simply, remembering her implication early that Rachel was just following him around like a school girl with a crush, and refusing to play into her hand.

"Hmm…"

Clenching his jaw Jesse asked, "What?"

"How…_ambitious_ of her." The word held a dozen different connotations, none of them good.

"Since when is _ambition_ frowned upon?" Jesse asked as he saw glances being exchanged back and forth. "Half the people here were recruited from other teams."

"True. I don't think any of them had a hand in _building_ those teams though. I mean, after all the hard work her team put in, they win Sectionals, gets a shot at Regionals, and she just suddenly decided to walk away?" She shook her head with disbelief.

"We all know there's no chance New Directions is going to win at Regionals."

Julia laughed. "Well, of course not, but who thought they would in the first place?" That earned a few chuckles all around. Jesse continued to glare at her, unsmiling. "You aren't seriously saying that it _just _occurred to Rachel that her little team might not be good enough to make it to Nationals?"

"They were holding her back," Jesse said, ignoring the question.

"Quite clearly…but, I suppose the question I'm really trying to ask is, why _now_?"

"What could that possibly have to do with anything?" Jesse was certain that she was trying to get him to admit that Rachel had simply transferred because of him, but everyone here knew about their relationship! Jesse could not understand what victory she could possibly get from having him say it.

"A couple months before Regionals the lead singer of a rival glee team suddenly jumps ships and decides to audition with us… Can you blame me for wondering what prompted it?"

That's when it clicked in Jesse's mind exactly where this was going. She wasn't making fun of his relationship with Rachel. As amusing as the team would undoubtedly find it, that wouldn't do any real damage. No, she was making a far more insidious accusation. Implying that Rachel might have an alternative motive for coming to Carmel that had nothing to do with Jesse. He had learned from first hand experience just how hard it was to earn a teammates trust after being accused of being a spy, and he knew that he had to cut her off at the pass before it went any further.

"No, I can't," he admitted. It was his turn to get surprised looks from the team, but his attention was focused solely on Julia. He saw her eyes light up as she realized that he had caught on. "If you really want to know, Rachel left New Directions because they didn't appreciate her," Julia eyebrow quirked up just slightly, in what was either curiosity or amusement. "The idiots at McKinley High hate anything that doesn't involve a ball or pompoms. The glee team was basically considered both a waste of space and funds, and Rachel was made to bear the brunt of her classmates' hostility. You said yourself that she practical won Sectionals single-handedly. Her team should have been kissing the ground she walks on, but they could barely be bothered to listen to her or even practice a steady set list. Rachel left because she got tired of carrying that team on her back and getting absolutely nothing in return." Turning away from Julia, who continued to watch him, he looked around at the rest of the team. "You all saw that performance. You know she's talented. She deserves to be a part of Vocal Adrenaline." He tried to make eye contact with them all, and he could see the gears turning for many of them. It was going to be a close call, he was sure. He did a mental count of all the people he thought would vote for Rachel, and nearly groaned when it occurred to him that Oliver wouldn't be among them. As moderator of the vote he wasn't allowed to participate in it, meaning that Jesse's girlfriend had just lost one of the few sure votes she had.

Jesse looked for some sign of sympathy or solidarity in the faces around him. They were probably all weighing the pros and cons, and trying to figure out what it would cost them to choose one side over the other. Even with Jesse backing Rachel the safe bet would be to maintain the status quo and side with Julia. Jesse felt something like despair fill his chest. He could just imagine the look on Rachel's face when she found out that the team had voted against having her in, and the heartbreak there just killed him.

He looked down at the ground and for a moment clear look of defeat and sadness showed on his features. He couldn't be bothered to care whether anyone saw, and he didn't notice that Julia was still watching him closely.

After a few more seconds of quiet conversations Oliver clapped his hands together once to get everyone's attention. He must have done the math and come to the same conclusion as Jesse because his voice held a hint of trepidation when he said, "Alright, if there're no more questions or comments, I think it's about time we bring things to a vote." No one raised any objections, so he slowly asked, "All in favor of Rachel Berry joining Vocal Adrenaline?"

Jesse raised his hand, and watched as Kendra, followed suit. Asher, Cassidy, Caroline, Gloria, Andrea, Dominico, Jane, Freddie, Sandra, and Nick all joined them, but with twenty-five members in Vocal Adrenaline they were still one person short. One person. Jesse glared daggers into Oliver. If he hadn't stupidly volunteered to play 'moderator' Rachel would have all the votes she needed. Ollie refused to meet his gaze and Jesse turned away, instead looking around and trying to find someone to change their mind, but nobody made a move to raise their hand. He felt like screaming.

He heard Oliver counting off the hands, as a sort of formality."…10, 11, 12._"_ Everyone looked around. It was basically just a formality at this point, but rules were rules. "Looks like we have a tie. Everybody put your hands down and we'll try this again…Everyone in favor of Rachel – the chick who just got up there and knocked that shit out of the park –"

"What happened to being 'impartial'?" Derek interrupted.

"Shove it up your –"

"Boys!"

Oliver swallowed his words and went on, "Raise your hands if you think Rachel deserves to be on the team."

All of the same hands went up and Jesse closed his eyes in frustrated resignation. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12…_?_" Jesse's felt his heart leap at the questioning tone and allowed his eyes to snap open, looking around to see who had changed their mind at the last minute.

For a long moment his brain refused to register the truth of what he was seeing, but although he blinked his eyes rapidly it didn't go away. Julia's hand still hung in the air, as though it had suddenly mutinied and switched sides of its own compulsion. That would make far more sense than the alternative. That Julia was actually making a conscious decision to raise her hand, thereby altering the vote and making this into a tie in Rachel's favor. Yes, it was far more believable that a ghost had somehow possessed her extremities and was now playing with her limbs like a marionette puppet.

There was a long silence in which everyone stared at Julia like they were waiting for her to deliver the punchline, but it never came. Julia simply rolled her eyes at the astonished looks she was getting and jumped in with annoyed impatience to move things along, as though she hadn't noticed that hell had just frozen over. Prompting Oliver, who seemed just as taken aback as everyone else, she said, "Ollie? We've been over this before. The number that comes after twelve is _13." _

Jesse stared at her and, almost like she couldn't resist, Julia's eyes met his for a moment before swiftly turning away, but in that quick glance Jesse saw something there that looked startlingly like uncertainty…

But that couldn't be true. He tired to catch her eye again, but she studiously ignored him.

With a put upon sigh she sent a scathing glare to all those who still sat motionless, obviously displeased. Starting with her most ardent followers hands quickly began to raise. Once it was clear that it would make no difference whether he voted for or against Rachel, even Eric and his friends accepted defeat and raised their hands.

For a second everyone looked around as though they weren't sure exactly how things had changed so quickly. The counting was unnecessary this time. "It's unanimous." Oliver sounded like he could hardly believe it himself. "So…I guess that's it."

Rachel was now a part of Vocal Adrenaline, and nobody was really sure how to take it. The majority of the room wasn't sure whether they should be happy or not, and Julia's features remained entirely unreadable. With their uncertainty and confusion about this latest sequence of events small groups and pairs quickly began to form in order to discuss what had just happened. A few of Julia's friends crowded around her, trying to get her to tell them why exactly they had all just voted in Jesse's new girlfriend, but much to their disappointment and confusion she didn't seem to be interested in explaining herself.

Voicing the thought that seemed to be on everyone's mind, Ollie stepped beside Jesse and asked, "…What the hell was that?"

"I have no clue," Kendra answered slowly, joining them. Staring at Julia with her head slightly tilted she said, "It was like watching Darth Vader rescue a puppy."

"What do you think?" Oliver asked Jesse, who had remained closed-lipped so far, already forgetting that he had almost cost Rachel her spot on the team.

Jesse's eyes had not left Julia's face once, but he didn't see anything revelatory there. He honestly had no idea why she would do anything to help him, but it made him even more uneasy than when she was openly working against him. He remembered that glimpse of uncertainty he had seen, but he still wasn't quite ready to accept it at face value. It was not in Julia's nature to do something against her own interests, but that seemed to be exactly what she had done. Without her sudden change of heart he knew that the team would have never voted Rachel in…and that was what she wanted…wasn't it? Why would she ever do anything to help Rachel?

With a quick shake of his head he said, "I don't know." He needed some time on his own to think all of this over. "I'll go and tell Shelby our decision," he told Oliver. Turning to walk towards the door, Jesse had tuned out before Ollie could say a word in reply, because Julia chose that moment to look him in the eye again. Dark blue eyes stopped him cold.

It was there again, the uncertainty, and just as mystifying as before. Jesse didn't get a chance to fully read into it though, because she dropped his gaze almost immediately, and when she turned it back to him whatever emotion had been there before was gone, replaced with her usual impenetrable shield. He tried to find some trace of what he'd seen there before, but a small smile played across her face and immediately put Jesse back on the defensive. He was well-acquainted with Julia's acting skills, and it occurred to him how easy it would be for her to fake something like uncertainty just to draw him in. She offered a small wink and Jesse turned away from her, feeling agitated.

Hurriedly he made his way over to the door without looking back. She got under his skin like no one else could, and he knew that she relished in it. She was infuriating. She always had been, but now it was somehow worse. As he stormed out of the auditorium Jesse knew that he now owed her for getting Rachel onto the team and that pissed him off even more.

Rachel. He focused his mind on Rachel.

She'd done it.

As soon as Shelby gave the word she would officially be a member of Vocal Adrenaline, and Jesse couldn't wait to tell her the news. He pictured her excitement and their future together from here, all the while doing his best to cast off the feeling that, although he had just gotten exactly what he wanted, Julia had still won.

* * *

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	15. If I Fell

A/N: Just finishing up spring break (Vegas is awesome), so I had time to write up this chapter. I hope you all like it. Don't forget to review.

**If I Fell**

Jesse walked through silent hallways on autopilot, his shoes scuffing tile as he moved along without registering his environment. His mind was obviously elsewhere. It shouldn't be such a surprise to him that Julia knew how to throw a curveball at him, after all she'd never been predictable to begin with, but he still hated that she could catch him so off guard. He liked to think that he had some understanding of how her mind worked, but she was better than anyone else he knew at thinking three steps ahead.

She was planning out moves and plotting strategies well before most people even realized that there was a problem to be solved, which is why Jesse refused to believe that she had honestly changed her mind about Rachel on a whim as she'd made it appear. Why would she? Keeping her enemies close was the best explanation he could come up with, but even that seemed flimsy to him. After all, Rachel was currently at the weakest she would ever be in the Carmel hierarchy. As far as Julia was concerned, Rachel had no real influence or power outside of Jesse and his friends. Most of their classmates thought of her as some clueless rebound girl who had followed Jesse from McKinley. If ever there were a time for Julia to destroy her it would be now, and Jesse was sure that she was well-aware of that fact.

Keeping Rachel out of Vocal Adrenaline would've cut her off at the knees before she ever had the chance to rise up and pose any sort of challenge.

It made no sense…unless she had underestimated Rachel's abilities, but that was incredibly unlikely as well. Jesse would accuse Julia of a lot of things, but being dumb was never one of them. She'd heard Rachel sing, and he knew that she would've seen the talent there just as clearly as he did.

So why would she vote Rachel in? Was this all some ploy to get him to owe her? He was sure that there were less elaborate and less risky ways of accomplishing that.

Regardless, whether it was her main intention or not, Jesse definitely owed her now. It was absolutely clear to him that Rachel would've never made it onto the team without her help. The picture of Rachel's devastated face if Vocal Adrenaline had rejected her still lingered in his mind, but he tried to focus on the fact that she had made it.

And she would be so happy about it when she found out.

Whatever was bothering her, he was sure that they could work it out, and hopefully once the weight of this audition was off her shoulders she would be able to open up to him. He wanted to be with her when she found out, be the one she celebrated the victory with. He wanted to be the person she always associated this memory with, but he knew that when he got to Shelby's office she would probably call Rachel herself to deliver the news. With that thought he slowed his pace, one hallway away from Shelby's office, and pulled out his cell phone. He could see Shelby's door from where he stood, but he knew that telling the glee coach about the team's decision would be nothing more than a formality at this point. As far as Jesse was concerned, Rachel was officially in, and to be absolutely honest, Jesse was still more than a little pissed at Shelby for preventing him from going after her earlier.

He wanted this moment to be one shared between just the two of them. After the way things had been going to day, they needed to celebrate something good together. So what if he also got to have a bit of harmless revenge on Shelby at the same time?

He heard the phone ring and waited for it to connect.

* * *

Rachel watched with rapt attention as her mother's practiced hands floated across the keys in a simple melody. She made it look so easy. Concentrating, she mimicked the motion on her side of the piano without actually pressing down. The notes repeated themselves in a simplistic pattern that Rachel was sure she could play in her sleep, but Shelby had explained to her that the point of this exercise wasn't in learning the song, it was learning the form. Things would only be far more difficult for her down the road if she didn't learn good form from the start, so she watched the coach's hands closely and did her best to follow along.

It was hardly surprising for Rachel to find that her mother worked with the same diligent concentration as she when it came to music. The woman's love for the art was clear in every move she made, including the economy of motion she seemed to utilize gracefully as she fell into the music. Always moving through space with great efficiency, and pressing down on the keys just hard enough to get the sound she wanted, there wasn't a single gesture she made that that appeared uncalculated. For the first few minutes Rachel simply watched her with fascinated awe, scrambling to follow directions as her mother gave them, but once she relaxed a bit and they had developed their own little system and she allowed herself to slip into a silent state of focus. Shelby would repeat the melody five times in order to get Rachel comfortable with it and then lift her hands from the keys in a signal for her daughter to take over. After establishing their rhythm, the only words spoken between them were from Shelby correcting her form and giving small suggestions. After a while even those became fewer and far between. With light streaming through the classroom window, it almost felt like they were in their own little bubble of time, surrounded by music and disconnected from the rest of the world.

Under the older woman's tutelage Rachel felt herself improving bit by bit until the shape of her fingers and angle of her wrists became almost natural to her, and she completely lost track of how much time they'd spent working together. Rachel watched Shelby play the melody one more time before her mother stopped playing, and she took over the melody in a higher key, almost seamlessly. She kept her wrists up, fingers curved, and shoulders relaxed, allowing the music to flow through them without too much effort. She felt her mother's critical gaze on her, and out of the corner of her eye she saw Shelby nod her head just in a barely perceptible motion, without making a comment. She felt her confidence soar at the mild show of approval from the notoriously hard-to-please coach, knowing that the woman wouldn't have spared her feelings if she wasn't doing a good job. With more confidence she let her fingers travel over the keys in that practiced pattern until a jarring noise caused her to jump, throwing off her rhythm and breaking her concentration. She looked around the room with startled eyes, and saw Shelby doing the same for a moment.

"Your phone," Shelby declared, locating the source of the disturbance quickly.

Rachel dug into her backpack and pulled it out, glancing at the screen with annoyance. The feeling faded as she saw the name, and realized what it must mean. "It's Jesse," she told Shelby with a clear anticipation in her voice.

"Jesse?" Shelby asked with incredulous confusion, but Rachel was far too caught up with her own thoughts to notice.

Before the glee coach could say another word Rachel brought the phone up to her ear and answered the call. "Hello?"

"Hey. We just finished up the voting…" His voice held no trace of emotion either way and Rachel felt her heart thundering in her chest. Despite everything she'd said to Shelby about dealing with rejection and staying at Carmel, a part of her still thought that she might die if she didn't make it onto the team. If nothing else, she knew that she couldn't handle making that resignation speech again with anything approaching grace or acceptance.

"And…?" she asked breathlessly. She was very aware of Shelby's presence beside her, rigidly still and watchful, waiting to see her reaction.

After a dramatic pause long enough to make Ryan Seacrest cry, he finally said, "It was unanimous," and Rachel felt her heart stop for instant. "You're in." Rachel gave a sharp gasp, and heard Jesse laughing happily over the phone at her reaction. She heard him on the other end of the phone continuing to explain the details of the vote, but she didn't register a word of it. She was in. Her eyes started to water, and beside her Shelby laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. Rachel turned to look at her with unseeing eyes.

"I'm in…I'm in!" she said, feeling as though there was no air in body. Already her mind was million miles away, the tranquility of a few seconds ago forgotten in favor of the frantic splintering of her thoughts into more directions than she could count. She'd have to make changes to her schedule to fit around the Vocal Adrenaline practice schedule, change her McKinley red paraphernalia to Carmel blue (something she'd already intended to do anyway), learn the team's set list, do further research on her new teams past performances and legacy in order to be fully informed of the vast history surrounding her. She'd have to learn all the of their songs and routines and be able to perform them to perfection, and figure out the strengths and weaknesses of her teammates and— If Shelby hadn't been with her she probably would have passed out from oxygen deprivation.

"Rachel, Breathe!" the older woman ordered in a firm tone that refused to be denied, and Rachel sucked in air through her nose and held it there as though she had forgotten how breathing works. "Again," Shelby ordered with exasperation filling her voice.

Feeling a little dumb, Rachel forced herself back into the moment at hand and looked at her mother with wide, amazement-filled eyes as she followed the woman's instruction until her breathing returned to its normal cycle. It was only as she began to come down off of her sudden adrenaline high that she noticed the unguarded warmth in her mother's eyes and the unconscious smile that pulled at her lips as she watched her daughter's excitement. It was a look Rachel was sure few people were ever allowed to see on the glee coach's face, which only made the moment that much better. The young singer realized that she had been smiling back all along without realizing it, and before she could gain another scrap of self-control, she felt her smile devolve into uncontrollable, body-raking laughter that destroyed all of the progress they had just made on the breathing front.

Seeming to understand that getting her daughter back under control was a lost cause at the moment, Shelby reached out and removed the still connected cell phone from her unresisting fingers. Even from a distance she could hear Jesse's voice on the other end, "Rachel? …Rachel, calm down!" he said laughingly, "Where are you?" After a few more seconds of no reply he asked, "Rachel, are you still there?"

Watching her daughter's glee, Shelby couldn't quite suppress the affection she felt for the girl as she said, "I'm afraid Rachel is indisposed at the moment."

A surprised pause greeted her, and it gave Shelby time to regain control of her emotions before Jesse's voice came back through the phone. "Shelby?"

Turning her body away from Rachel she allowed her usual sarcasm to replace the warmth that her daughter had caused. "No, it's Angela Lansbury." Before Jesse could form and intelligent response she pressed on with an ever-sharpening tone, "Perhaps my memory is a little foggy, but for some reason I don't recall giving you the authority to invite people to join Vocal Adrenaline."

Jesse sounded rather flustered by this unexpected turn of events. "W-we, um, just got finished voting," he hurriedly explained, "I was just about to head to your office. It was entirely unanimous," Jesse assured her.

"It's also entirely irrelevant until I say otherwise." Shelby could count on one hand the number of times she'd gone against her team's decision about a candidate, and never had it been a unanimous vote, but it still irritated her that any of her students would presume to make such a decision without consulting her first. Especially in this case.

"Are you going to rescind the offer then? Tell Rachel she's off the team in order to teach me a lesson?" Jesse rolled his eyes, knowing that Shelby wanted Rachel on the team just as badly as he did. She was just picking a fight over a technicality, probably because she was upset that she hadn't been the one to tell Rachel the news.

Shelby felt a flare of anger at his impudence, but one glance over at Rachel quelled the feeling into something more manageable. The girl was making a valiant attempt at regaining some of her self-control and Shelby sent her a small smile of reassurance, before returning to the conversation. Instead of lashing out at him with the sharp words that had been on the tip of her tongue, she answered with a more measured tone. "Of course not. As a matter of fact, since you're so invested in seeing Rachel succeed as a member of Vocal Adrenaline, I'll leave it up to you to make sure she gets up to speed on the Queen Medley."

She'd become quite adept at handling Jesse's arrogance over the years. Whenever the boy stepped out of line she learned it was best to give him just enough rope to hang himself with.

"Um, O-Kay…" Jesse agreed, expecting harsher response from her. It was an odd request. Shelby knew that he'd never been particularly good at teaching others, despite his own dance skills, but he certainly didn't mind the idea of spending extra time with Rachel. If this was the best she had then she must be going soft now that Rachel was around.

"Excellent." Noticing that Rachel was calm enough to re-enter in the conversation she addressed them both, "Rachel, you're coming into things later in the year than I would normally allow, but I trust that you'll put in the necessary effort to catch up. I expect the two of you to stay on top of this. Jesse, it's your job to have her ready to go with this routine by Monday."

Rachel's effusive excitement momentarily caused her to forget about her current troubles with Jesse. "Not to worry Coach Corcoran, I have been taking dancing lessons since I was four years old, and participated in quite a few competitions. I'm sure that with Jesse's assistance and my previous experience I'll be caught up with the rest of the team in no time. Jesse and I can get to work right away!"

Shelby found it interesting to hear the enthusiasm coming from Rachel, in direct contrast to the silence coming from her boyfriend. "Jesse?"

In a low, cautious, tone he slowly said, "I have my solo on Monday…"

"Oh, that's right," Shelby feigned forgetfulness. "Jesse has his solo on Monday," Shelby informed Rachel helpfully. Speaking to Jesse again she said, "Well if you can't handle them both I can always assign one of the tasks to someone else. With all of the initiative you've shown lately, I suppose I must trust your judgment, so whichever you decide to do will be fine by me. You choose."

Halfway across the school on his way to the coach's office, Jesse's steps faltered and came to a stop, realizing that Shelby had just set him up beautifully and cringing at his own stupidity for his flippant remark earlier. He should know by now that Shelby was not one to be trifled with, especially when she was in the mood to make a point. She was better than any other teacher in this school at coming up with artfully cruel punishments when the feeling took her, and apparently she was in that sort of mood right now. Instead of simply taking away his solo, as most coaches would have, she was allowing him to choose between it and Rachel, knowing that his girlfriend would be well-aware of his decision.

He quickly tried to sum up his options. There was a chance that Rachel would understand, after all, he'd been working to reclaim his place as lead male vocalist ever since he returned from McKinley, and this would be the first full solo he had gotten. He'd worked so hard for this, and ambition was something she could relate to. On the other hand, there was very real possibility that Rachel would see him choosing the solo over her as an insult and a comment on what their relationship meant to him, and there was too much up in the air between them right now for him to risk the misunderstanding. With a slightly bitter taste in his mouth, knowing that Shelby was winning either way, he told her, "I'll help Rachel learn the routine."

"Well, all right…if you're sure?" The question was met with cold silence. "I'll just give the solo to Dominico then." She shot Rachel another smile and saw the girl was still just as eager as ever, having completely missed her mother's maneuvering.

"Great," Jesse said with forced cheerfulness. "Where are you two? I'm at your office now."

"We're in my classroom."

"I'll be there in a second." Jesse hung up without saying goodbye, and Shelby had to fight to keep the satisfied smirk off her face. She knew he wasn't a bad kid; in fact he was generally a pretty good kid. It was just that sometimes he needed to be reminded who was in charge.

Looking over at Rachel again, she felt her smug satisfaction change into something softer. "He said he'd see you in a minute. He's on his way over," she told the girl in answer to her unasked question.

Rachel nodded her head quickly and let out a deep sigh of relief, as though she was expelling ever piece of doubt she'd felt over the last week in a single breath. "I did it."

"You did it," Shelby agreed lightly, as though there had never been any question of whether she would make it or not.

She considered the girl in front of her for a minute, and thought back to the audition she had given. At some point between rushing out of the auditorium to check on her and sitting down at this piano bench Shelby had forgotten her main motivation for going after her daughter in the first place. That phone call from Jesse had brought the real world rushing back in to infringe on the peaceful moment they'd found. Shelby sighed.

"Rachel," she paused, trying to find the right way to phrase what she was going to say next. It wasn't her place to comment on her daughter's love life. They had not established rules in their relationship yet, but Shelby knew that this was deep into parental territory, which she did not feel she had the right to enter yet. She couldn't just ignore the turmoil she had seen on her daughter's face up on that stage though, could she? Pushing on, she asked, "Is everything all right? Before your performance, you seemed upset…"

Shelby saw Rachel tense up a tiny bit, but didn't make any move to comfort her. Allowing her daughter to have some space as she decided exactly how much she wanted to share.

"I was just nervous," Rachel finally said, feeling the rest of her high drain out of her as she remembered the conversation she had overheard just before heading out on stage. She had allowed herself to forget her troubles as she immersed in Shelby's piano lesson, but now it all seemed to flood back in now. It wasn't as overwhelming as it had been when she first walked off stage though. Now that she had some distance from it, she was able to reign in her thoughts and emotions a bit more easily.

"Oh?" Shelby pressed, even though she knew she shouldn't.

"Yes, I allowed myself to get swept away by my own doubts, and started over-thinking things. It momentarily threw me off my game, though I think I recovered well." Rachel offered her a smile that was much more restrained than the previous one.

Shelby's surveyed her quietly, and Rachel couldn't hold her gaze for long. She felt the hesitation that had been absent from their interaction for the last thirty minutes suddenly returning in full force, and wished that things between them could be a stay the way that they had been. Rachel had felt completely at ease with the woman as she listened to her play and took all of her helpful instruction, but now the small bubble that they had cohabitated for the past half-hour had burst, inviting in the reality of their relationship.

The Vocal Adrenaline coach probably had no interest in hearing about her relationship woes, and Rachel would only feel embarrassed talking to her about them. What was she going to say? That she'd gotten upset because people apparently thought she'd transferred to follow around her boyfriend like 'a lovesick puppy'? Or that she'd just found out that her boyfriend had been in a long-term, sexual relationship with a girl in Vocal Adrenaline right up until a few months before they got together, and failed to ever mention it to her? She realized as she really thought about it, that Shelby must've already known about their relationship; after all, Jesse and Julia had dated for over three years. It must be common knowledge that they'd been together. Rachel remembered that feeling she'd gotten while watching the two of them in the hallway, like she was intruding on something private.

"Well, sometimes it's best to just go with your first instinct," Shelby intruded on her thoughts quietly.

"What?" Rachel asked, slightly startled.

"When performing a song," Shelby reminded her of the conversation they were currently having. "Sometimes it's best to trust your gut instincts; it is usually the right in most situations."

"Right," Rachel nodded, moving her train of thought away from Jesse and her relationship drama. She would have time to deal with that soon enough. Right now, she would much rather focus on her new spot in Vocal Adrenaline. "Speaking of performances, will we be performing this Queen medley at Regionals?"

"Possibly," Shelby said, allowing her to steer the conversation back into safer territory without protest. She would not force Rachel to talk to her about her relationship if she didn't want to. "I haven't chosen what our performance will be yet, but the entire team should be familiar with every routine, just in case. You're going to have a lot of catching up to do."

Rachel nodded again, and decided now was as good a time as any to broach the topic. "I'm not sure what the proper protocol is for this, but I have some ideas for potential song choices and routines that I think would be brilliant additions to the Vocal Adrenaline repertoire, and maybe even potential contenders for future competitions." So it begins, Shelby thought wryly, allowing the young diva to continue on speaking for a few more seconds before interrupting. "Ever since I accidentally snuck into your practice session last week I've been absolutely inspired. Every time I close my eyes I picture all the new choreography we could do, and the amazing harmonies I wouldn't have even dreamed of attempting with New Direction…with due respect to my former teammates at McKinley, Vocal Adrenaline is clearly on operating on entirely different level as performers. I understand that I am currently the low person on the totem pole, as it were, but if I could just propose a few of my ideas I truly think you'll appreciate my vision and—"

"Rachel." The girl stopped talking immediately, and Shelby was pleasantly surprised by her responsiveness until she saw the look in Rachel's eyes told her that the girl fully expected for her enthusiasm to be reprimanded and her thoughts to be shot down. She shook her head at the remnants of Will Schuester's 'coaching techniques'. "Everyone on the team is encouraged to contribute their thoughts and ideas, and I'm glad that you've already put so much thought into this." Rachel blushed with pleasure, "You can introduce a new idea to the team during our practice sessions, or come and talk to me during my office hours whenever you feel like it." Rachel nodded, and Shelby took on a more cautious tone, trying to gauge the singer's reaction to her next words. "That being said, I think, for the moment, you might want to take things slowly. Watch, listen, get a better feel for the team, and then start making suggestions. You don't need to do everything right this instant. Trust me, you're going to have more than enough work on your plate over the next few weeks."

Rachel took it in stride. "All right, but I feel I must say, I think it would be a missed opportunity if you didn't at least consider performing a Beatles medley at regionals."

"I'll bear that in mind," Shelby said with amusement, having considered exactly that many times. Before either one of them could say another word the door opening on the others side of the room broke up the congenial atmosphere. Rachel saw Shelby's demeanor change right in front of her eyes, from being open and happy to something far more closed off and distant. Within seconds she'd fully shifted back into Coach Corcoran mode. If Rachel hadn't been watching her as it happened, she didn't think she would have noticed the seamless transition. "Jesse."

"Coach Corcoran." He offered Rachel a soft smile, "Rachel…" he walked forward, ignoring Shelby's presence, to pull his girlfriend into a tight embrace, kissing her softly on the lips for a long moment. He felt her melting into the kiss, right up until she abruptly pulled away. Jesse opened his eyes, trying to meet hers and figure out what was wrong, but she ducked her head with something like embarrassment coloring her features. She refused to look Jesse or Shelby in the eyes, and Jesse had to wonder whether it was simply because her mother was present or something more. Trying to break the discomfort between them he said, "So, how does it feel to be a member of Vocal Adrenaline? Didn't I tell you that you could do it?"

"You did, I was just telling Shelby – Coach Corcoran – some of my ideas for the team."

"And I was explaining to Rachel that she ought to take it slowly. Get to know the team a bit better before she dives in with both feet."'

"She's right, Rachel. Things are going to be hard enough without you trying to come up with new routines on top of learning the old ones. Besides, the team will probably be more receptive once they've gotten to know you a bit better—"

"Speaking of the team, you said that the vote was 'unanimous'…?" Shelby asked with just a hint of disbelief in her voice. She'd been certain that the vote would be split, at least a little. Rachel's audition had been better than most, but there were always those who hated new competition. Shelby knew her students. They are in high school though, she reminded herself. She understood the influence of peer pressure well, and realized that it held power over even the most independent of kids. If they saw their friends voting for Rachel they wouldn't have wanted to be left out, but still, Shelby didn't think that Jesse still held enough influence over the team to sway the vote so much.

"Yes. Every single person on the team voted Rachel in." He said it with a smile at Rachel, who preened at his words, but Shelby could tell that there was a bit of a strain behind it. She looked back and forth between them and decided that it was probably time for her to make her exit.

"I'll be quite interested to hear that story, but for the moment I have some other work that needs attending to." She stood from her place at the piano bench. To Rachel she said, "If you have any problems or questions let me know. Jesse. I'll see you both at practice tomorrow. Don't be late." They both nodded and with a final look at Rachel, to which the girl gave a small smile, she turned and walked out the door, leaving the two of them in silence as they watched her go.

The silence lingered after she left and Rachel straightened her spine, deciding that the best course of action in the instance was to simply cut to the heart of the matter. "We need to talk." Jesse looked at her like she'd just slapped him in the face, and she quickly clarified, "I didn't mean it in the cliché pre-break-up-speech kind of way, I'd like to think that I would never be quite to unoriginal when ending a relationship, I just meant talking in general, about…things… I'll start!" she offered before he had the chance to say anything. "Why don't you take a seat?"

"All right, sure," he sat down on the vacated piano bench and looked up at her expectantly. Her directness could be considered abrasive at times, but one of the things that he liked most about being with Rachel was that he always knew where he stood. That was part of what made her behavior today so strange for him, but hopefully she was about to rectify that situation. Like a pro, he had his shocked 'oh-my-god I-can't-believe-it' face on standby, ready to whip it out the moment Rachel made the big reveal about her relationship with Shelby. He knew she would be worried about his reaction, so he would only sit there in stunned silence for a few seconds before shaking it off, asking a few uncertain questions (How long have you known? How are you handling all this?), and then offering her his support. He was a big enough person not to hold it against her that she hadn't told him about it straight off, and he was sure that she would be appreciative of his–

"I know about you and Julia." His surprised face slid into place just a planned, but that's about where the plan went off the tracks.

"What?" he asked with real shock.

"After your rather abrupt departure earlier, I was left to walk to the auditorium for my audition alone, and I'm sure you can imagine my surprise upon stumbling across you and Julia standing in the middle of the hallway having a rather heated argument about your past relations—"

"Rachel—" Jesse stood up, trying to interrupt.

She ignored him, getting to the heart of the matter. "For the record, it's not so much the fact that you dated her that bothers me, I mean, she seems smart, and she clearly has her physical appeal, and I'm sure that there are friendlier aspects of her personality that I simply haven't been exposed to as of yet. My point is I understand that you've had other girlfriends before me, and I am honestly _fine _with that. We both know that I've had other boyfriends before you, and my relationships with Finn and Puck, though clearly misguided, will always be special to me. It would be ridiculously hypocritical of me not to accept the fact that you have a bit of baggage as well. What _bothers_ me, is that for some reason you didn't see fit to tell me about it—"

He took a step closer to her and she stepped back, not wanting to be soothed or distracted. "I didn't want—"

"I've told you about every boyfriend I've ever had. You've met all of them. So, what is it that made you think I'd be incapable of handling the idea that you used to date Julia?"

"I didn't… I just…" Jesse ran a hand through his hair in complete frustration. He couldn't believe that this was happening. "I wanted to protect you."

"Protect me? _From what_?"

"Julia can be really mean, and manipulative, and—" he wouldn't put it past her to have somehow arranged for Rachel to overhear their conversation, and he tried to recall exactly what they had said.

"And you thought that if I didn't know why she had it out for me I'd somehow be better off?" Jesse didn't have a good reply so he said nothing. "Words cannot begin to express how tired I am of people keeping things from in some ill-advised attempt at protecting me." She would never say it to her fathers, but that comment was aimed just as much at them as it was at Jesse. "She's a member of Vocal Adrenaline. You couldn't have seriously thought that I wasn't going to find out one way or another. Everyone here knows that the two of you were together, don't they? Do you honestly think that no one was ever going to mention it?"

"I didn't know how to tell you! Okay? I'm sorry. I just…" Jesse took a ragged breath and paced in the opposite direction a little before turning back to face Rachel. "Since she and I broke up everything has just been so…" he took another breath, and seemed to calm down a bit, zoning in on Rachel. "You're the first person I've met in a really long time that I've really cared about. I mean, you're smart, and talented, and kind, and funny, and so incredibly beautiful and, I think it makes be a better person, just being around you. I know it's stupid, but I felt like bringing her up would somehow ruin things between us…I wanted to keep our relationship as far away from her and my past as possible. It was stupid of me." He let out an exhausted sigh. "I'm sorry."

Rachel saw nothing but genuine regret on his features, and slowly let her own hurt and insecurities drain away. She couldn't fault him for not knowing how to tell her something, when she was currently facing the exact same problem telling him about her relationship with Shelby. He was staring down at the floor, looking clearly agitated, so she stepping forward, back into his reach, and took his hand in hers. He looked down into her eyes questioningly and she leaned up to kissed him lightly, before pulling away just far enough to say, "Okay."

"Okay?" he repeated in surprise. She kissed him again, and this time he kissed her back happily, falling into the kiss with an abandon brought on by relief. She pressed against him in a way that only made him want to pull her closer, and he saw a vision of their future in his mind, standing together on stage in front of an enraptured audience, cheering for the two of them as they took Regionals, then Nationals, then Broadway by storm. It was so real in front of his closed eye lids he felt like he could reach out and touch it. He allowed his hand to slide down her back, lower and lower, too lost in the kiss to notice Rachel stiffen until he crossed into the danger zone and she pulled away. His lips tried to follow hers, but she wouldn't allow it.

"Jesse." Rachel watched him lazily open his eyes halfway and look at her with clouded eyes that made butterflies do aerial flips in her stomach. She took another step back to put more space between them, and she saw disappointment take the place of lust for a few seconds before hurriedly being replaced by an understanding look, which may or may not have been entirely genuine. It was enough to make an annoying little voice in her mind wonder how far he would have gotten if Julia were here instead, and if they had ever gone that far in this room. That caused an uncontrollable blush to rise on her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" he asked, catching the strange look on her face, and stepping closer to take her back into his arms.

She blushed harder. "It's nothing, I just…" she pushed away her thoughts and grasped for something – anything – to change the subject. "There's something I need to tell you!" She grabbed on to the first thing she could think of.

He looked at her warily, wondering what other surprises she might have in store.

Rachel figured now was as good a time as ever if they were being honest with each other, and took a deep breath. "Shelby Corcoran is my mother," she told him, looking straight up into his eyes in order to see his reaction.

For a second it looked to Rachel like he might start laughing, and she was afraid he might think she was joking, but then his face filled with surprise and she guessed that he must be putting the pieces together. Her resemblance to Shelby was obvious once you knew that they were related, and she imagined that Jesse was comparing the two of them in his mind right now.

"Coach Corcoran is your… Oh my god!" he looked stunned and Rachel moved them both over to the piano bench, where Jesse sat down quickly as though his legs weren't strong enough to hold him up. Rachel watched him with concern. "I thought you said you didn't know who—"

"I didn't," she jumped in, eager to supply answers to the undoubtedly overwhelming number of questions he must have. "I just found out when I transferred here. Shelby went to my dads after what must've been a surreal experience of having me in her music class that first day, and they decided to finally reveal the truth to me about my birth mother. I know exactly how you are feeling right now! You can ask me anything." Jesse nodded his head slowly, looking shaken.

"When did you find out?"

"Monday night, right after our 'research' session. I should have known something was amiss when I arrived home to find both of my fathers' cars in the driveway, but I figured that they had simply gotten home early to lend their love and support after my first day at a new school. I must say, there can be little doubt of where I inherited my acting skills from, given that both my fathers are abysmal actors. I knew there was something going on the moment I saw them, but I had no idea that they were planning on finally telling me the truth of my origins. When we sat down for dinner they began to ask probing questions about my feeling towards my mother, something I assure you they have never done before. For most of my life they've avoided the topic like the bubonic plague, so I was of course immediately on guard. They told they got a call from Shelby that day, which I thought was a particularly strange segue, but it occurred to me what they were going to say just before it left Papa's mouth. I was just as stunned as you are now."

"So you've known since Monday? Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was overwhelmed, and confused, and lost… Pretty much everything you're feeling right now multiplied by a million."

"But I could have helped you!" He sounded really upset by this and Rachel felt her stomach clench nervously. "I've known Shelby for almost four years now. I could've made it easier for you to get to know her."

"I wasn't sure that I wanted to get to know her. At least, not at first. That's why I didn't tell you. I know how much you respect her and I knew that if I told you then you might try to sway my opinion about her, and it felt like something I need to figure out by myself."

"But what about today?" Jesse demanded, then backtracked a bit, reining himself in, "I mean, um…I'm guessing that you made your decision before you auditioned, so why did you wait until now to tell me?"

Rachel shrugged. "It just never felt like the right moment I guess and, well, you have been acting a little _strange_ today," Rachel told him earnestly.

"_I've_ been acting strange today?" He sounded outraged by the notion. "Are you—" Jesse cut himself off, opened his mouth to say something and then snapped it closed, taking a deep breath through his nose and then letting it out slowly. "I thought you were the one acting strange," he told her in a more measured tone. "I mean, you changed you're audition piece after all that work we put into finding the perfect—" Jesse cut himself off again as he saw Rachel duck her head and realization dawned on him. "…You overheard my conversation with Julia…"

"Yes," she said without looking at him.

"Rachel," he once again tried to recall the exact words they had said out in the hallway. "She and I are over. She has trouble letting go, but you have to trust me. I'm done with her." He said it with sincerity.

Rachel nodded her head, "I do trust you, Jesse. It's just that, some of the things she said…"

"Like what?"

There were so many answers to pick from. Julia had called their relationship a fling, implied that her switch to this school had been Jesse's idea instead of her own and that people thought Rachel had followed him home like a lost puppy, casually mentioned that Jesse preferred real sex to phone sex (the thought alone made Rachel blush), and made it seem as though their relationship was completely doomed a few months from now when Jesse went off to college. She chose none of those answers though, instead asking, "You two were together for over three years?"

Jesse, who apparently hadn't expected that one, shifted slightly on the bench, restless. "Yes." When Rachel didn't say anything he went on, "We met in freshmen year. We were together – off and on – since then. I felt, I don't know, connected to her or something." Reluctantly Jesse told her, "I used to think she and I had a lot in common."

"What happened?" Rachel asked gently.

"I was wrong." Jesse stood up and took a few steps away, clearly indicating that he didn't want to talk about this, and Rachel didn't know whether or not she should push him for answers. It wasn't really in her to walk away from an issue without getting the answers she wanted, but maybe sometimes that wasn't such a good thing. She'd been down a similar road with Finn, and Rachel remembered the way he had withdrawn from her when she started to get overly clingy or demanding. She did not want to make the same mistake with Jesse by pushing him or acting as though she didn't trust him, when she honestly did.

He took a deep breath and then turned around to face her again. "Rachel, I promise you, you have nothing to worry about."

"I know." She stood up and walked towards him, putting her arms around his neck. "No more secrets between us, alright?"

He looked so relieved, he probably would have agreed to anything she asked at that moment. "No more secrets."

Smiling contentedly she shifted the conversation back to their original topic. "So…about the Shelby thing…are you sure you're okay with this?"

He brought his hands up around her waist, staying in her comfort zone. "What do you mean?"

"I've decided that I want to have her in my life, as a mother figure, and I understand that it may be a bit strange for you given that she is your – our – coach and all, and technically you'll be dating the coach's daughter—"

With a slight smile Jesse asked, "Does that make ours a forbidden love, once again?" Rachel's heart missed a beat at the word love, but he kept going without seeming to notice it, "Will we have to meet in secret? No more kissing on the middle of the stage after hours?"

Rachel thumped him on the shoulder lightly. "Of course not. Shelby knows that we are in a committed relationship."

"Then she must know that intend to spend most of the weekend doing this." He moved in and kissed her, dipping her backwards and then slowly bringing her back up.

Rachel giggled, feeling a little dazed by the move. It didn't stop her from saying, "We'll have enough time for that later. This weekend will be solely dedicated to you teaching me the Queen routine."

"I can multitask," he whispered to her, deliciously close to her lips.

Knowing that this was a fight she didn't mind losing, Rachel whispered back, "We'll see…" and then closed the distance between them.

* * *

Thank you all for the reviews. I can't believe this story has upward of 600 reviews now. That's just mind blowing to me. Thank you all for the support.

Also, today is my mom's birthday, she won't read this, but I'll say it anyway, happy birthday Mom!


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