Full Metal Panic Dame Otoko

**Disclaimer:** Full Metal Panic is property of its respective owners and creator Shouji Gatoh. This fic is for fun and no profit.

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**Dame-Otoko**

"_You're good-for-nothing, a coward, useless, and weak. But you're strong. And very kind. You might be good-for-nothing, but you get things done. That's the kind of guy I think you are."_

"_I'm… a good-for-nothing?"_

"_Well… that's about right!"_

Sousuke blinked tired eyes as he woke up, those words ringing in his ears as his vision filled with the mattress and rungs of the frame of the cot he slept under. To anyone else it might seem strange, but being called useless had quite possibly been the kindest things anyone had ever said to him. Especially at that moment, he had needed to hear them, to bring him back down to earth, to make him realize he was just a man. Her sweet voice, the way she giggled at him when he repeated her words, calling him a good-for-nothing, the memory had him closing his eyes and sighing wistfully.

He longed to hear her speak again. And he realized he wouldn't get to if he didn't roll out from under that bed and get ready for school. It was going to be interesting, having to tell the teacher that he didn't want to withdraw after all, when he'd sent her that notice, but he hoped things weren't too difficult. Tired and sore, wondering at how stress put so much of a strain on his body that the usual actions of battle which his body had spent a life time conditioning to could still hurt, he went about his morning routine like a zombie. This was what he had come to enjoy, this life of comfort. Six months had been long enough to make him soft, to take him out of his war-hardened state, to make him have a routine at all and to be comfortable in not changing it. He did not fear assassination if he brushed his teeth at the same minute every day.

Stuffing a CalorieMate with the wrapper pulled halfway down into his mouth, he grabbed his school satchel and walked out of his apartment, the same time as any other day. Reaching up, he grabbed the wrapper-covered part of the bar, ripping off a chunk with his teeth and chewing it thoughtfully. Why had wanting this comfort, this sense of normality, been such a hard thing to be granted? After the life he had, didn't he deserve this one small peace? Although, as his life had taught him, people rarely get what it is that they 'deserve,' be it the evil a painful death, the good a life free of hardship, or anything in between. Sighing, he finished the bar while standing in the elevator, and he tossed the wrapper into a trashcan outside his building.

A voice called out to him and he lifted his head, looking across the street to see Kaname waving at him. He straightened, smiling softly as he got to hear her voice and see her and her boundless energy first thing. Some people might think a man who spent most of his life in combat would fall for someone calm, who would be soothing and relaxing to be around. Not him, he didn't see the appeal. No, he loved Kaname Chidori, a girl so full of excitement; he loved her even when she beat him. Maybe especially then. She knew full well who and what he was and she still braved the danger to teach him a lesson. Not that he could ever bring himself to harm her, and she probably knew that.

The object of his thoughts, and affections, was waiting for a car to pass by before she jogged across the street to stop beside him, looking up at him with a wide smile and all-too-obvious relief. The relief hurt him, knowing full well it was relief that he was there, and in his school uniform, ready for another day with her. He hadn't left again. He hadn't wanted to leave in the first place, and he couldn't ever leave again. Not after all the pain they both had suffered. Smiling and nodding to her, they turned and began the walk to the train station together, never mind that they did not usually go to school together.

Their sleeves brushed together on the walk and his hand twitched. He wished he could gather up the courage to ask her to hold hands, and he couldn't even explain why. It just seemed like the thing to do, yet something stopped him. Glancing down at her, he noticed she wore a troubled expression that rather mirrored how he was feeling, and he had to wonder just what she was thinking. It was nice to be in each other's company once again, but things were different now. Nothing could erase what had happened the past few days.

His fingers twitched again.

Internally, he sighed, and as their strides naturally fell to the same pace, his shortening and hers lengthening to come to a median they both could manage comfortably, he returned to his thoughts from before. Yes, he loved her and her energy. Her strength, her courage, her brilliance in all the ways that word could be applied to a person, they all made such an amazing woman. She was one of the bravest people he had ever met, and considering the types of people he usually knew, that certainly said something. She was so full of life, and her optimism in the face of adversity was awe-inspiring. Her life wasn't an easy one either, if anything he had to say it was more difficult than his. Struggling to live with something she could never change, trying to continue on normally in spite of it, she was truly remarkable.

His life had gotten easier since meeting her, despite what he had said to her out of frustration that one time on the TDD. He finally got to experience a civilian's life. She, on the other hand, only had more problems since meeting him. He felt a pang of guilt at that thought, even though he knew it wasn't his fault she were born a Whispered. Until he had started at the school though, she had been living a completely normal life. Then she had to take care of him as he created spectacular messes, and later cope with the knowledge that she wasn't as normal as she had thought. And while she didn't say anything about it, he knew the things that made her what she was were getting to her. She often had fatigue showing on her face where there had only been energy before; stress was getting to her, and some things the captain had told him to look out for. She lost sleep from the Whispers, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Sousuke lifted his arm to rub at the back of his head thoughtfully, and with no small amount of intent to take it away from Kaname's hand before he could reach out and grab it. He wasn't quite ready to take such a bold action. Looking up at him thoughtfully, he could feel the heat in his face as she tilted her head curiously, her teeth worrying at her lower lip. Dropping his arm, he looked down to her, blinking as he could see her own cheeks stain pink for some unexplained reason. She glanced away, pretending to be looking at a cloud or some such. Not that he could complain, it was obvious enough that they both were being tense and hiding things.

The train ride was much the same, their hands resting atop their satchels which rested on their laps. Occasionally stealing glances at the other, looking away quickly when getting caught, it was like some bizarre game. And just why couldn't either of them seem to say anything to the other? Except for when she called out his name, neither of them had spoken, not even to say 'Good morning.' It would be rather awkward to say that _now_, wouldn't it? A frown tugged at his lips as he wondered at their tension, not liking how things were strained between them yet not knowing how to fix it. He hoped things sorted themselves out and returned to normal, although a part of him wondered if that was really all right. Was it okay to go on as usual, as though nothing had happened? The past few days were very real, as much as he wished they were a bad dream, and from the little she had said when admonishing him in Hong Kong, she had gone through her own trials during their separation.

Arriving at their stop, they walked the short distance from station to school gates in their maintained silence. There were some whispers since they had arrived together, but Kyouko's loud proclamation that it was about time they start walking to school in company when they lived across the street from each other stopped any rumors that may have started. It was easy enough to forget that no one else was aware of their domiciles being in such close proximity to each other when they each took it for granted that they were. Finally, another word was shared between them, but it was just a short "See you later" from Kaname as she left with Kyouko for their class, while he went to report to the teacher.

He could barely keep himself from sighing with relief when she held up the un-processed letter of withdrawal and tore it up. It was sobering, too. Here he thought he caused nothing but trouble and grief, yet Ms. Kagurazaka had been reluctant to let him leave the school so easily. His spirits lifted at the show of kindness and caring, and it was hard for him to hear just what it was she was yelling at him.

Not that it took him long to make a mess of things again, and probably have her reconsider her actions.

But could he really be held responsible for reacting to a gun's laser sight being trained between the woman's eyes?

Apparently he could, and out in the hallway Kaname was screaming at him, and for all that he flinched when the shoe came off to hit him, he felt only relief. _Now_ things were normal. Or…

"You're always, always… always, always… always like this. Things will…," her voice was so soft and the fact that he had yet to be struck had him opening his eyes tentatively, his guard completely dropping at the sad and vulnerable expression on her hair-curtained face. "Things will always be like this, right?" she whispered.

"Chidori?"

He stiffened up in shock when her face hit his chest, and she dropped her shoe to fist his jacket as she continued on. "You just left me all alone and ran away like that. What the hell were you thinking? I can't forgive you for that."

What could he say? "I'm sorry," was all he had, but it didn't feel right even after leaving his lips.

"Sorry doesn't cut it this time, you jerk. Stupid, stupid. I was scared! I was so terrified!" he could feel her tears through his school uniform and it hurt. He had made her cry. Again. So much for protecting her, and her smile, as was all he wanted anymore. "Don't you do that again! Idiot! I'm never forgiving you!" She snuggled into his chest, and at once he was filled with a warmth and yet was being torn apart by her anguish. His strong, brave Chidori was crying and there was hardly anything he could do about it. And, of course, as he tried the only thing that came to mind, their classmates had to come and find them as he was in the middle of wrapping his arms around her to embrace her. Being yelled at by a bunch of girls defending their friend wasn't exactly a good time, but at least it meant things were mostly normal.

As normal as they could be when Kaname was crying against his chest.

The school day didn't hold anything aside from the norm, except maybe a few less words and a few more stolen glances between him and Kaname, but other than that, it was any other day. Their return home was much the same, and as they sat on the train, he couldn't help but recall something from the other day. Turning to her, he broke their silence which had some point had turned from awkward to comfortable without him ever noticing. "Come to think of it…"

"Hm, what is it?" she turned to look up at him, a serene smile on her face.

He stared at her intently, wanting to catch every bit of her reaction. Things made little sense that day in particular, and he was desperate to know what was going through her head when his own was swimming with so much. "You had started to say something back in Hong Kong. What was it?"

"Oh, that," she ducked her head, the smile never leaving her lips as she looked thoughtful. His eyes were trained on her expression, but he really couldn't see anything except for signs that she was obviously thinking on it, and that she was content with their current situation. Or… well, maybe not. Months of watching her allowed him to catch the wisp of sadness, regret, and wistfulness as she turned to look at him again, "It was nothing."

Her tone sounded much the same as before, and he couldn't really say much to that except for a reluctant "I see," but all the same, he had to keep wondering. It obviously wasn't nothing, but she didn't seem like she wanted to talk about it. Settling back against the seat, he closed his eyes, remembering how she had yelled at him back then, saying things would have been different if he hadn't been so pathetic looking. Their walk from the train to their apartments was much the same as that morning. Silence stretched between them, they walked so close that their sleeves brushed against each other, and instead of the sun rising it was now setting. They both gazed off into the distance, admiring the colors of the sky.

Standing outside their buildings, they looked at each other, neither wanting to say good-bye to the other. So why bother? They both opened their mouths to speak at once, and then clamped their jaws shut at the same time. Kaname giggled softly as he rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, and she turned to the side, holding out her arm, "Why don't you come up? I'll make dinner."

He let out a breath before nodding, smiling softly, "That would be… nice."

A few minutes later, they walked into her apartment, stepping quietly, as though loud noises might scare the other off. "What would you like to eat?"

Normally, he would have an opinion. That night, however, all he wanted was to spend as much time in her company and the food was just a bonus. "Anything, Chidori. I'll gladly eat whatever you make."

"Hmm," she giggled softly, then turned and looked up at him, making a face. "So useless."

Sousuke blinked at her, then slowly, he smiled, nodding, "I suppose I am. Thank you."

"For what?"

"Everything," he breathed out before he could even fully process the question. He wrapped his arms around her, the way he had wanted to do earlier that day before their classmates had interrupted. It felt good to hold her close, and he bowed his head, enjoying the feeling of her hair tickling his face.

They stood like that for several long moments, unsure of just how much time passed. Kaname leaned against him, gripping the front of his uniform as she had earlier that day, and she was grateful she held the tears back this time. Hearing their stomachs protest the long time since their last meal, she leaned back with a laugh as Sousuke blushed. Pushing reluctantly away from him, she stepped out of the foyer, turning and looking back at him with a grin, "Good-for-nothing."


End file.
