Chuck Finding Home

**A/N: **_Just an AU oneshot, about how the superspy Sarah would handle being send to a supernerd. _  
><em>Hope you guys enjoy it<em>

**Disclaimer:** Most definitely don't own Chuck.

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><p><strong>Finding Home<br>**

She hadn't felt this alone since she had met him. In fact, she hadn't thought it was possible for her to feel this alone while at the same time she was surrounded by so many people as she was now. But as she looked around this building, his office, she felt nothing but loneliness and despair.

It was one of those things that had changed so quickly, in just the few months that they had known each other she had become more attached to him than she could have ever imagined anyone doing, and he, he had made her a part of his family. It hadn't even been an effort. They had only been going out for a few days when she had met his sister, and soon the brunette had made her so much a part of their family, that they were more sisters than she had been with her own sister all those years ago.

She still couldn't believe she had known him for only five months now, just like she hadn't been able to believe that this guy was involved with what Graham claimed he had been. Some random agent, Bruce, or Brace or something else like that, that no mother would name her child anyway, had claimed this sweet endearing man had been involved with Fulcrum, apparently he was creating something called the intersect. She had no idea what it was, only that Graham was more than concerned about it. Now five months later, she was being reassigned once again, and this time she was forced to leave him behind. She wasn't even sure where she was about to go.

Not once had she felt this way about being reassigned, not once had she felt like she was on the wrong path in her life, but having lived this relatively normal life with him for these past few months had been such a revelation for her. It made her heart heavy for what she was about to do. In fact, every part of her spy instinct was screaming at her not to even bother saying goodbye, just to run away, not to look back. But she knew of his history, she knew of her own history, and as much as this hurt, she would have to look him in the eyes, those soft brown orbs, and see them break into a million pieces.

With slumped shoulders she walked up to his secretary, who looked up at her with a small smile, the same smile she would always throw her. And despite that this young girl had caused her some jealousy in the beginning of her stay here, she even found herself feeling like she would miss it in the future. Even the smallest of familiarities she had built in this short time would leave a gaping hole in her existence.

Finally she reached the wide oak desk, causing the young girl to greet her in her usual cheery manner. "Hi Miss Walker, I take it you're here to see Chuck." The young girl stated in an incredibly upbeat way.

Sarah looked down upon the young girl, and finding it too hard to find her voice, just nodded her head.

"He's in a meeting right now, but you're welcome to wait if you like." The girl continued.

The blonde nodded again, and settled herself on one of the comfortable chairs that were situated just outside his office, the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach growing with every second. It felt like someone was pounding away at her heart with a sledgehammer, as she resisted the continuous urge to run away from this place, not to mention the urge to hurl.

Impatiently she drummed her fingers on her legs, trying to get some peace from the rhythmic movements, while her eyes were glued to the door. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was a mere 10minutes, the door creaked open, and two men, still in a jovial conversation, appeared in the doorway.

From her comfortable seat, which seemed to feel more like it was on fire right now, she saw Chuck slap the other man on his shoulder, letting out a small laugh.

"I'll see you in a few days, Frank." He stated in a friendly and completely relaxed manner, which only furthered her guilt, and caused her to shift a little in her seat, as she almost thanked whatever power was listening that he hadn't noticed her yet.

"See you later, Chuck." The other man replied, before walking off.

The other man had barely left his field of vision, when he finally looked over into her direction, causing him to instantly break out into his trademark Bartowski grin.

"Sarah!" He exclaimed, walking over to her. Knowing what he wanted, and being desperate to feel his touch she rose to her feet, and as soon as he reached her she wrapped her arms around him, pulled him towards herself, and clung unto him for dear life.

She could feel his surprise, as she dug her face further into his chest, breathing in his scent as she did so. She was desperate not to forget anything about him, to remember each detail, she had already taken the liberty to place several articles of clothing belonging to him in her bags. After a few seconds she could feel herself breaking, and starting to sob into his shirt, while he started to rub his hand soothingly down up and down her back.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" he asked her softly.

But she didn't say anything, she didn't even know where to start. She just wanted him to hold her, just wanted to be his for a moment longer. Truthfully she would always be his, even if she would never see him again, her heart would always belong to him. She just hoped some girl would one day get his and make him happy.

After another few moments, he again whispered in her ear. "Let's go into my office so we can talk."

She nodded into his chest weakly, not sure what else to do, while he looked towards his secretary. "Jane make sure to hold all my calls, and cancel the meeting I had with John."

"Sure thing Chuck." The brunette replied, her voice revealing she was affected by the display she had just witnessed.

"Thanks Jane." Chuck stated in his typical soft manner, while he started to lead the blonde woman that was still sobbing in his arms towards his office.

Before she knew what was happening, he had placed her in his chair, and had placed a cup of water in her hands, while the now silent tears still fell from her eyes.

He crouched down in front of her, and softly brushed away the tears with his thumb. "Now are you going to tell me what's wrong?" He asked, his voice and face filled with worry, and love.

She took a deep breath, trying to contain her emotions as she spoke. "I'm… I'm leaving Chuck." She said, as she broke again before she had even finished the second word.

He looked at her questioningly, and confused. "What are you talking about?" He questioned, his voice thick with worry.

She looked into his eyes, and felt her heart break once more. "I'm being transferred Chuck." She managed to say between sobs, "I'm not coming back." She choked out.

As her message sunk in, she could see his face fall, and his head drop, before he looked up to her a few seconds later, and she could see determination burning in his eyes. "I'm coming with you." He stated firmly.

She could feel the panic grow in the pit of her stomach, this was exactly what she feared would happen, this was why she shouldn't have done this. There was no doubt in her mind about what she had to do.

"You can't, and I'm not going to allow you to." She stated hoarsely, as she felt the stream of tears slowly drying, in no small part thanks to the fire she felt building inside of her. She would never allow him anywhere near her world, she had fought for months to keep him out of it, and she would definitely stick to that creed.

"What?" He questioned in disbelief. "Why not?" He questioned harshly.

Despite her desire to keep him safe, she looked at the ground dejectedly, not able to look into those brown eyes while his heart was breaking.

"Why not Sarah?" He questioned once more.

"Please don't make this harder than it has to be." She replied in a weak voice. "I just…" She started, letting her voice trail for a few seconds as she contemplated her words. "I need a new start Chuck."

Finally she looked up to him, and she saw the hurt, confusion and disbelief in his eyes. "I can't believe this." He muttered, while he ran his hand through his unruly hair. "I thought we had something." He bit out.

She fought back a new stream of tears while she looked at him pace around his office.

Suddenly he stopped, and turned to look at her. Unshed tears were glistening in his eyes. "Did something happen?" He questioned her with a hoarse voice. "Was it something I did?"

This time she didn't hesitate, even if it would have been better to make him believe he had broken her heart, she needed to comfort him, it was now her nature. She just didn't know how to break from the CIA. She quickly rose to her feet, and within seconds she stood in front of him, and softly took his hands in hers.

She couldn't believe how good it felt to feel those hands in hers again. She wanted to stay there with him holding those hands for as long as possible. But she had to act, she had already been there far longer than she should have been.

Their eyes connected, and she needed him to know this. "I'll always love you Chuck. I… I just can't allow you to come with me." She stated softly, her voice showing slight cracks.

A few small tears fell from his eyes while she spoke, but neither broke that physical connection that they had. "Please tell me why." He begged.

Again she felt her determination falter, so she did the only thing she knew how to do, she dropped his hands, kept her eyes locked with his, and spoke so soft he could hardly hear it. "Goodbye Chuck."

There was no last kiss, no chance for him to reply, and before he fully realized what she had said, she was gone. Leaving an utterly devastated and broken Chuck alone.

X-X-X-X-X

The darkness that had accompanied her for the last few hours was finally making way, as the sun slowly started to rise, while night made its way for the dawn of day. Her old raggedy rental car would probably soon be turned from the freezer it felt like now, into the oven it was by day. But still she remained in place, like she had done consistently for the last few nights.

Every night she would drive up here, every night she would sit outside of the residence of the target of her mission, and every night she would freeze up. She wasn't sure what was going on, but she was too scared to go in there, ever since she had left Chuck five months earlier there had been nothing but failed missions, mental blocks, and the need to leave and go see him.

In fact, things had gotten so bad that Graham had looked at her with pity in his eyes. After another high stake mission that had failed, he had her riding a desk, and had definitely remembered to mention the implications for her career. Not that she would be able to call it that after she let a whole Fulcrum cell escape out of their grasp, just because she had seen someone with curly hair.

Her former partner Casey had made sure her career was to an end, he had stalked off muttering something about lady feelings, missed opportunities and choices. Apparently he had been the one to report in detail how she had messed up, and had made sure that there was little choice than to go on this clandestine mission.

If she had been sitting there a year before, she would have been sure Graham had blown a fuse. Though of course, back then she would have never been sitting outside of this house for this long. She wouldn't have cared enough to make sure this matter was taken care of properly, and even if she had, she wouldn't have had so much trouble executing her plan. It would have just simply been go in, get your mark, and proceed further after that. Now though, she couldn't even get out of the car.

It was like she had been given constant orders to "Just stay in the car." Almost like she was a consultant, or some civilian that had gotten involved. And as much as she wanted to break free from the hold the car seemed to have on her, every time she would sit here, and her hand would touch the door handle, she would freeze. Just last night she had sat there, in complete darkness, her hand constantly clutched around the handle. She had only let go after her arm had fallen asleep after what must have been at least two hours.

She let out a heavy sigh, as she saw the first two familiar faces leave. She realized she shouldn't even be here, just like she realized that holding on to this small beacon of safety wouldn't help her out.

Wearily she ran one of her hands through her long golden locks. She needed to move, she needed to get this over with, get her life back. There was no way that she would leave without a successful mission added to her tally.

Taking one last glance at her watch, she knew she had just a few more minutes left. She knew the target well enough to realize that. And she had been glad that, that small aspect didn't seem to have changed much.

With deep dread and anxiety filling the pits of her stomach, she pushed open the door, placed her foot on the small patch of grass that was glistening with early morning dew, and shakily placed her other foot next to it.

Slowly she rose from the car, closed the door behind her, and started moving towards the surprisingly small house for a man of his stature, and once again froze. She could see his tall frame through the window as she looked on from a distance. He seemed so tired, so lifeless, and his shoulders were slumped so much, it almost seemed as if he would soon be ringing the bells of a cathedral in France.

She continued her progress in a similarly slow manner, while her stomach filled with even more dread with each step she took. Her heart rate was picking up. And a lot sooner than she would have liked she was standing in front of a large wooden door.

Shakily she looked down at her trembling and moist hands, and furiously tried to dry them by wiping them on her jeans, but she could feel them already moistening up again as she rose her hand towards the door. With hitched breathing, and utter terror rushing through her veins, she finally let her knuckles collide with the wood.

"I'm coming." She heard him shout out annoyed. Just the sound of his voice caused her heart to skip a beat, while she couldn't help the desperate look around for the quickest escape route. But before any of her thoughts materialized, the door started to slowly creep open.

Her heart almost seemed to stop, when the door finally made way after what seemed like hours, revealing a tall, lanky, curly haired man, who in turn looked at her in shock and complete disbelief. He looked like he had seen a ghost.

"Sarah." He breathed shocked.

"Hi… hi Chuck." She greeted him nervously. And she couldn't help but cringe at her own nerves.

"Wh,- What are you doing here?" He stammered.

She knew she wanted to tell him everything, but there was no way she would do it out here where everyone could look on. So she ignored his question and instead asked one herself. "Can I come in?" She asked him shyly, with an equally shy and uneasy smile.

He looked down at her silently, but was too shocked and numbed to deny her request, and after a few seconds he stepped aside, granting her access into the home. He had hardly closed the door, before she grabbed hold of him, hugging him so tight that he was sure to have bruised ribs the next day. But she couldn't imagine feeling better than she did in that moment. For the first time in months she felt like she was where she was supposed to be, she felt _home._ And no matter how hard this would be she would not give this up again. Agent Walker might have failed her last few missions, but Sarah would succeed.

X-X-X-X-X

Silently she turned on her side, and propped herself up on her elbow. Her eyes resting on the form that was in the bed next to her. A sight that still brought a smile to her face, while it warmed her heart to know that she was here. A place that she had never dare envision for herself, and definitely didn't expect herself to reach after the choices she made in the past.

She had let fear run her life for so long, and it had cost her a lot. In a way it had brought her a lot of things as well, and perhaps it had even saved her life on occasions. But he hadn't left her a choice. She had been forced to fight to regain his trust, and even though he had forgiven her easily, he didn't begin trusting her again until months after she had left the CIA.

It wasn't like she could blame him for it, she probably would have had a hard time to trust him as well if he had ever pulled a stunt like that, not that she wanted to think about him ever abandoning her like that without some explanation. It was something that would fit more in those tv shows that he made her watch. He had really made her work for it, she had to really open up about a lot of the things of her past, and with each thing she had shared with him, things became easier. Now it was starting to become a natural thing to do.

She looked upon his chest rise and fall, and felt the familiar comfort she felt from watching him sleep. It was like his presence was all what she needed to start the day with a feeling of peace in her spirit, a feeling that was important enough for her to wake up earlier than him. It had become her ritual.

Reveling in the feeling, she allowed herself to look past his sleeping form, to one of the pictures on the night stand next to him. The picture was his favorite one of her and his sister. His sister had been instrumental in helping her become the person she was today. There was no way she could have done this without her. She was more than a friend now, she was her sister as well.

Next to that picture was the picture of their wedding day. It had been a small affair, not only did she not have that many people to invite, Chuck had insisted to just invite the few people that mattered most to him. And she was happy that he had. It had been an amazingly perfect day. It had even been better than she had expected.

A familiar sound caused her eyes to divert once again, this time to the small alarm clock next to the bed. Judging by the time, the origin of the sound that was starting to become louder was right on time. She flipped herself over to her other side, and looked towards the door with a smile, the sound of trampling feet getting louder and closer. Within seconds, the door started to open, revealing a 6year old girl, with beautiful blond curls, and blue eyes that matched hers perfectly, and a sneaky smile on her face.

Slowly Sarah brought her finger to her lips, indicating to her young daughter to remain silent, as she started to approach the bed. It only took the little girl a few steps to reach the bed, and Sarah wasted no time in hoisting the girl on the bed, planting a few kisses on the girls face, causing the girl to giggle lightly.

"Morning baby." Sarah whispered after she finished showing her little girl the affection she had missed so much when she had been a child herself.

"Morning mommy" The little girl answered a little louder than she should have, and she could feel her husband stir next to her, but he remained in place. It wasn't a surprise for her that he remained silent, this had become another morning ritual, and she loved it. There were no words to describe how much she loved this. And Chuck knew exactly how important this time with their daughter was to her.

Her eyes focused back on her daughter, who was now looking at her father, a smile growing on her face.

Sarah released her hold on the young girl, and leaned close to her ear. "Go get him." She whispered.

The young girl definitely didn't need to be told twice, within a quick moment she had launched herself at her father, and started to try to tickle him, and truth be told, the young girl had become quite adequate at it.

Hearing the laughter of father and daughter fill her ears, she felt her heart swell with love and pride of the family she and Chuck had created. Not wanting to be left out, she joined in, and knew that all those years ago, she had found her home.

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><p><strong>AN:** _Could be turned into a full fledged AU, but don't have time for it right now. But considering this stayed in my head, I wrote it out. So there you go. _


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