1. Chapter 1

A/N Hi, This is my first story, I am co-writing this with Callen37. So I hope you like it.

Please leave me a review and let me know what your think. Thanks. Ncislaaddict123.

Disclaimer, I do not own anything.

* * *

**The part I left behind.**

Chapter 1

He had enough… enough of destroying that damn toaster or practicing his languages.

He had to do something!

He couldn't go, under any circumstances to those terrifying devastating, hopelessly dark 48 hours he had to endure, not only him but his friends/colleagues too.

Not knowing was the worst, he couldn't think about the worst although the little orphan girl came to his mind more than once, he hoped she was ok and she hadn't gone back to the Taliban... he had to do his job!

That was what he was trained for.

He couldn't afford to let his emotions win... but it was hard, he had to pull it together not to run by his emotions when it meant that he was after these people who were seemingly responsible for the death of one he considered as family.

Kensi…The sight of her corpse laying there with her throat cut still invaded the little sleep he did get. He knew she was alive, she was back home, in her apartment, safe and sound, but he couldn't get the image out of his head.

So he decided to go to the old Water administration plant which now was occupied by the Office of Special Projects of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service in Los Angeles, to clean his gun or work off some steam.

* * *

When Callen went through the heavy wooden Door of the building he made his way to the armory, but stopped short as he heard some noises from the gym.

The closer he got the more curious he was, it was 3am, no one but himself should have been in the building.

On the way he heard some mumbling but couldn't make it out.

As he peeked into the room he was not prepared for what he saw...

Deeks was pounding the heavy bag, harder and harder. Sweat was flying off him in all directions, that and…Blood? He hadn't wrapped his hands his knuckles getting smashed with each hit.

"Not him…I'm not him!" he said over and over again to himself as each punch landed on its mark.

Callen could see him swaying; it looked like he had been here for a while.

Suddenly the punching stopped as Deek fell to his knees and sobbed.

Callen looked surprised. What on earth had happened that meant that Deeks was in this much pain?

He hadn't said anything on the ride home although the interpreter had looked at him sadly as they had left the camp, he had tried to talk to Deeks but he had just walked away concerned with getting Kensi out of Afghanistan and home as soon as possible.

He had whispered to her on the plane home, held her as she cried both asleep and awake and focused totally on her. He still hadn't given granger his report on how he had come about the information that the man they had was in fact the father of one of the Taliban members and had managed to exchange him for the American hostages.

Even, he came to think of it, when Deeks had swooped in from the sky on that helicopter and saved their asses; he had not sought the limelight or tried to play up how this time he had been the one to save them.

That was unlike Deeks.

* * *

And so was this… Callen walked over to Deeks who was curled in on himself in a ball.

"Deeks?" he said softly.

Deeks jumped up as if burnt. "Sorry Callen, I'll hit the showers and get out of here." He said quickly striding towards the Showers as if nothing had happened.

Callen smiled sadly, he knew that particular avoidance tactic.

He waited, he knew the other side of that door, Deeks was having a meltdown and probably was losing it in the shower, but he gave the man the privacy he needed. He walked into the bullpen, wrote a note for Hetty and stuck it on her desk.

The note said, "Taking a few days leave, with Deeks…will call soon. G."

He picked up his bag and Deeks' and waited for him to get out of the showers.

Ten minutes later a disheveled Deeks walked out of the shower. "You still here?" he asked surprised.

"Well I'm not going without you." Callen replied with a smirk.

"Going where?" he asked warily.

"Vacation, you and me, three days, a little place I know." Callen told him, "Any you can bring your surfboard and Monty." He said before Deeks could say a word.

Deeks nodded, there really wasn't anything he could do or wanted to do for that matter, so he just followed him out of the building.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

They made their way to Callen's home first.  
He packed in less than 5 minutes and then he placed a call to Sam who answered with a sleepy voice.

"Hey, G you ok? " He glanced at his watch "It's 4am in the morning ...!" he exclaimed he knew G didn't sleep at nights, but he never called him unless it was an emergency.

"I know Sam" Callen sighed "Just wanted you to know that I'm bailing out for a couple of days" he paused for a moment, "I'll be taking Deeks with me," he told his sleepy partner.

"Wait, why G? What's wrong? If you take Deeks then what's going to happen with Kensi? She needs him more than anyone right now!"

"Sam he just broke down in the gym after beating the hell out of the punching bag. Deeks can't help Kensi right now, he's totally burned out, both physically and emotionally." Callen explained quietly, even though Deeks was still sitting in his car and couldn't hear him.

"You think something went wrong during the Mission?" Sam asked.

"I don't know Sam, all I know is if he keeps going on like this then he will be a ticking bomb ready to explode." Callen looked through his window, Deeks worried him. He was still sitting in the car staring out of the window but not really looking at anything. It was as if his body was there but his mind had just gone. The only sign of life was the occasional tear he wasn't hiding but fell soundlessly into his lap.

"Ok G, but please let me know if I can help." Sam said.

"Will you let Hetty know?" Callen asked.

Sam sighed again, "You haven't told her?"

Callen laughed "I left her a message, but I'm not sure she'll find it, besides, would you call her at 4am for anything less than a nuclear attack?"

"Point taken, ok I'll do it, now go and let me get some sleep." Sam groused over the phone.

"Will do, bye Sam" G said and closed the phone.

"Take care G , both of you" Sam said to the dial tone that replaced Callen's voice, "I hope you know what you are doing." He mused aloud to himself.

Sam hung up and turned over, hugging Michelle he fell asleep for what little remained of his night.

* * *

Callen walked to the car, put his stuff in the back and drove over to Deeks' apartment.

"We're here." Callen said.

Deeks didn't move.

"Deeks?" Callen said again.

Deeks just stared out of the window as if in a trance, Callen called him 3 more times to get his attention, still nothing worked so he tried to shake him.  
Deeks flinched and moved away from the hands that grabbed him.

"Deeks, it's Callen, are you ok, we're at your place, we need to pick up Monty and your stuff." He reminded him gently.

Deeks nodded and got out of the car following Callen up the stairs and handed him the key to his apartment.

As Callen opened the door a streak of brown grey white and black fur sped past him and proceeded to jump up excitedly at Deeks.

"Hey boy!" Deeks said his voice sounding flat and sad.

Monty stopped and sat at his master's feet his head cocked at an angle and he looked at Callen as if to ask what was wrong.

Callen smiled, "Come on Deeks, make sure you've got all you need, and for Monty too." He said grabbing Monty's bowls from the kitchen floor and giving them a rinse before he put them in the bag with the dog kibble.  
Monty looked like he hadn't seen Deeks in ages and Callen wondered how long it had been since Deeks had been home.

Deeks took a bit longer than Callen to pack his bag, mostly because unlike Callen, his bag wasn't already packed.

But within the hour, just as the Sun was rising they hit the PCH and headed north.

Now on the road again Callen couldn't just wait any longer and asked "How long Deeks? How long did you think you could keep going like that?"

Deeks shrugged and stared out of the window.

"Did you really think no one would see right through that wall you built? That no one cared enough to notice that you are struggling too? "

"You haven't before." Deeks said softly.

Callen sighed, Deeks was right, there had been times before when Deeks had been hurting and the team had not been there for him, small things that Callen who had been through similar experiences noticed, but had elected to let the detective sort them out on his own.  
Deeks resumed staring out of the window.

Callen got on the PCH 1 north to Malibu; he drove past the homes of the rich and famous and pulled up at an older slightly ramshackle house at the end of the beach. Pulling up Deeks looked around.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Malibu, my house…and no you can't tell the others." Callen grinned.

For this was not the house Sam knew about, or one of the places he had stayed in as a child, this was his, he had won the home in a poker game years ago when he was in the CIA, the agent who lost the home was moving abroad and hadn't minded the loss of the house. This was where Callen came to recharge and rejuvenate his soul and he hoped that Deek would benefit from some time here.

Deeks looked at the house, it was wooden, built right on the beach, far enough away that no one came up here, it had a large wooden patio with an outdoor grill and two fishing poles leant against the side of the house, Deek smiled as he saw the surfboards too.

"You surf?" Deeks asked with a small grin.

Callen shook his head, "Na, came with the house." He admitted.

He opened the door and Monty rushed past them to explore this new place he would be staying with his master.

Deeks looked around the inside had been retrofitted, it was brand new, there was a safe in the living room and a door to a basement that Deeks would have sworn was not in the original plans.

"Nice."

Callen smiled, "Thanks, You're room is here…you have a great view of the Ocean." He said, he remembered Deeks saying that the Ocean calmed him. He left Monty and Deeks in the room, to get some sleep, as he walked down the stairs and opened the basement door.

He walked down into his Armory and stock room, there were enough supplies to outlast a war, and Callen was nothing if not prepared. He took his gun and cleaned it then put it with the others. He walked over to a lone chair sat in front of a TV screen grabbed a beer from the fridge situated next to the chair and put the TV on.

He watched as the sun rose over the ocean on the monitors that were angled to look that way.

Callen wasn't a stand on the beach and watch the sunrise kinda guy, but sitting in his basement surrounded by guns and watching it on a monitor with a beer, now that he could do.

As he drank his thoughts turned to how he could help his friend who was according to the other monitor he had on flat out face down on the bed sleeping with one arm draped over a very patient dog.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

He didn't know how to describe what he felt right now. ...

All he could say it was a storm, hurricane or typhoon which swirled his emotions inside of him.  
This kind of storm was like it was sent from hell or even the devil himself. With each punch his anxiety increased, it was destroying that little faith he had clawed back for himself after his childhood, no mercy, no comfort, no sanity for him.  
No one could get him out of that, or he rather didn't want them to help him or allow them to help him.  
He deserved that, he believed it.  
That pain he was in he deserved, the pain he put himself in he deserved he had lost control, he had hurt not only another human, but a blind man, a man who was weaker than himself…he was just like his father, the longer he punched the heavy bag the further and further and his self hatred increased. ...

This was making him sick, sick of himself sick of what he had done...

He was no better, no better than his own father ...

Even worse, he thought, he was no better than that evil man with the drill...

He hated himself for what he had done after he was told and showed that the only person in this cruel world he loved, was not among the living anymore. ...Kensi... That one person who needed him the most right now, but he couldn't be with her...He wanted to hold her comfort her reassure her that that she was safe, to be there when she was waking up to her own screams when the evil of all realities were came back in the middle of the night.

But no, he wasn't that person anymore. He was lost, lost like a child in the system... That no one cared enough about... No one had asked him, what he'd had to do to find out that man was the father of a Taliban terrorist; no one asked if he was alright, no one asked if he had had to face his own personal hell to save the lives of his friends. Callen and Sam had come out of it smiling, Callen had saved a child, and he was, in Deeks' opinion a hero. Jack was safe and had taken the child with him and they had joked as they walked past Kensi and Deeks holding each other while Kensi wept into his shoulder and he had soothed her fears, but no one had noticed the haunted look on his face at his own actions. Or if they had noticed, they hadn't cared enough to ask.

He was truly lost in his own hell not knowing if he would ever come out of it

He was glad that Kensi hadn't see him like this ...  
She was sent away with her Mother hours ago ... not knowing where she was but sure enough that she was at a safe place, he had slipped away to take vent to his emotions.

He was sure Hetty that arranged that for him and Kensi to have more time apart, he understood her need to heal, but right now he needed her too, he needed her to hold him, to tell him it would be ok, that she didn't blame him for all he'd had to do, that he wasn't like his father, that she still had faith in him.

He only got a text from Kensi... that told him that she would be away and that she would miss him, but that it was necessary for them to be able to continue to live to work and to be partners again.

* * *

So, Deeks was on his own with plenty of time and no distractions from the dark thoughts that were consuming him.  
No one else paying enough attention to notice how quiet and distracted the young detective had become. But he was used to no one noticing him, he was good at it, hell, he'd been doing it for years ever since his father first got drunk and picked up a belt, he had learned to walk silently and unnoticed through life when he needed too.

He didn't know how he got to O.S.P. or how long he was beating the hell out of the punching bag. Right now his life was out of focus and he hoped that by some exercise, beating his demons he would get his focus back.  
He didn't even realize that his hands were cut open from the enormous pressure his hands took with each punch.  
All he wanted was to get rid of this numbness he was feeling physically and mentally although he had a storm of emotions inside of him ...

This dark nemesis was haunting him not only in his dreams but in the waking hours too, there seemed to be no escape from it.

He was so engrossed in his own hell he didn't hear the normally familiar footsteps approaching the gym nor that the man that belonged to them was watching him for quite a while.

His overly exhausted body took now over and he broke down crying and ready to go further down till he hopefully passed out. That would be a relief, but he hadn't brought that thought to an end...  
Suddenly he felt someone touch him and he violently jerked up on instinct.

As he saw who was standing in front of him he quickly stood up and apologized but avoided eye contact and practically ran into the locker room...

* * *

Getting dressed on autopilot, Deeks ran the look on Callen's face through his mind, he seemed disappointed in him. Maybe he should have been stronger for the team, like Callen and Sam had been. They had been held down under fire and by the time Deeks had gotten to them they had been nonplussed, he had thought he had redeemed himself slightly for his sins by saving them, finally he would get some respect, a little acknowledgement of his actions, something good…a thank you would have done. But nothing, They had praised the chopper pilot for his landing, the translator for finding out that the blind man was the father of a terrorist, but for Deeks, nothing…Callen had been focused on getting the orphan girl in the chopper, rather than sealing her fate with the rest of the group who were to be the subject of a later airstrike. Sam had focused on Kensi and Jack's injuries until they could get to a medic. Deeks had just sat silently in the back not saying a word.

"Deeks?!" Callen said raising his voice and finally getting his attention.

Deeks looked up and Callen had been shocked at the lack of life in his eyes.

"Deeks, you're coming with me." Callen had said.

He had stood in the locker room and had seen Deeks sitting unmoving on the bench for 20 minutes, not even attempting to change. That was when he had made up his mind to do his best to help.

Callen, still in his basement at the house in Malibu looked up at the monitor in the room he had left Deeks in. He was no longer sprawled on the bed, he had curled up into the fetal position, his head tucked in at his knees and he was sobbing.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Every time he closed his eyes he had that picture before his eyes and it haunted him.

Her lifeless body on the rocky floor, the slit throat and all that blood... This image was for all his time burned into his eyes and then suddenly the scene changed into the house of the terrorist's father...  
His unconscious mind assaulted him with the things he had done and the person he had become in order to exchange the hostages ...that was the last what he heard before he woke up by his own crying and was ashamed of himself and disgusted...

Callen climbed the stairs to the room Deeks was in.

He knocked quietly and slipped inside.

It didn't matter how stealthily Callen moved Deeks heard him anyway. "I'm sorry Callen; I didn't mean to let the team down."

He didn't know why he apologized when it was truly vice versa...

So he was really surprised that Callen wasn't agreeing with him in that matter...

"It's not about the team." Callen said sitting on a chair next to the window, looking over at Deeks. "It's about you, this last mission…you did something didn't you, something that's eating you up inside…you can't keep it in Deeks, it'll eat you alive, you need to talk."

Deeks sat up and looked at Callen, his eyes were red and there were dark circles under his eyes, "I broke my own rule, I promised myself and I broke it…"

Callen nodded and waited.

"I can't…I need to clear my head. I need to find my center again." He said.

"Closet." Callen said standing up and walking to the door, "There's a wetsuit in the closet, I have surfboards downstairs, I'll meet you at the shore in ten." He said walking away to get his own wetsuit on.

* * *

Not many people knew that Callen surfed, he loved it, much like Deeks the waves and the ocean calmed him, and hence the reason he had kept this house when he won it.

Callen looked behind him as he reached the edge of the ocean, Monty ran up past him and into the surf letting him know that Deeks was indeed following him.

He grabbed his board and plunged into the ocean, ducking his head underwater and climbing on his board to paddle out past the waves and sat bobbing in the ocean.

Within moments Deeks joined him, "I didn't know you surfed Callen?" Deeks said his worries and fears dissipating in the water.

"I've spent a lot of time near the beach, Never owned my own surfboard until I was 20, but I 'borrowed' a few in my time, got my first from an old guy who caught me borrowing his and trying to surf, said if I felt that passionately about it I should learn what surfing was really about and learn to do it right." Callen told him.

"Me too, learned from a guy called, Sharky." Deeks said.

Callen grinned, "Old guy, grey hair, had a dog called…"

"Bob!" they both said together and laughed.

"God, he was old when he taught me he must have been ancient when you met him." Callen sighed remembering the old man, Callen had known he was a cop and despite his upbringing had trusted him when he hadn't immediately arrested him for trying to steal his board. He had been the one man to turn Callen's life around, and to find out that Deeks had learned to surf from the same man in a way brought them closer together.

They sat for a few moments, feeling the waves then both at the same time looked back and grinned at each other.

They turned their boards and started paddling towards the shore, within moments the wave hit, at least a seven Deeks thought as his mind went blank and he surfed on instinct through the tube and out the other side.

"WHOO HOO!" he yelled the exhilaration of the moment going through him.

Callen joined in the whoop as he followed behind him.

As they hit the shore Deeks collapsed on his back a smile plastering his face.

* * *

They did a couple more sets and then headed back for the house, the grill already on.

"You barbecue for breakfast?" Deeks asked.

Callen shrugged "Don't have a stove, and steak and eggs for breakfast after a set like that is a given."

Deeks couldn't disagree and he grabbed a beer and flopped onto a lounger with Monty beside him.

"You don't need to talk, all at once or even at all," Callen said as he threw two steaks on the grill, "You do need to find your own peace inside yourself and that's what you seem to have lost, that's what I'm here for." He looked over at Deeks who had closed his eyes, this time contentment was on his face.

"I will talk G, soon…" he promised. It was the first time in days that he felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders since he was back from the mission.  
And he was not alone.


	5. Chapter 5

A's/N. ncislaaddict123 and I would like to apologize for the long wait between chapters. For those who don't know she is writing this with me, (Callen37). I however have been called out of the country for work and have limited to non-existent internet where I am, today I have managed to get a limited signal so we managed to get this out for you. We are working hard on the next chapter, which again will be posted when the internet in this very very hot country is working and not frelting my computer. Thank you for your patience. Gina Callen.

* * *

Chapter 5

Callen and Deeks sat on the deck, Monty lying stretched out at Deeks' feet. They ate their steaks in silence; finally, Deeks was feeling comfortable instead of awkward in front of his team leader.

The constant questions Deeks asked himself and the uncertainty he felt towards himself, and the events on the Mission pushed him deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his mind.  
Monty sensed that and he barked to bring his master out of the dread he intended to get himself lost in.  
G only watched, he knew it was too early to confront the shaggy haired man. He decided instead to share some stories about Sharky to get a feeling for each other and maybe Deeks would relax a bit more. He had to be careful with him because he knew if he approached the subject too soon Deeks would backtrack and build up his walls again.

"Where did you learn how to make such a delicious steak?" Deeks asked unexpectedly ... moments ago he was withdrawn and far away in his mind, Callen couldn't bring him out of it and now ... it was as if he was protecting himself; avoiding any questions or comments about what had just happened.

"Gibbs taught me while we were on a Mission to rescue some political hostages in Serbia" was G's responded.  
He looked at Marty and saw the light flinch and the stiff body posture by mentioning the words "hostages and rescue"  
All he got from Marty was a nod...

"How did you meet Sharky?" Deeks asked.

Callen laughed, "I was twelve, I was placed with a family that lived near the beach, and they were ok as families went but took absolutely no notice of me whatsoever."

Callen stopped as Deeks raised an eyebrow at Callen's casual mention of neglect.

"Trust me, sometime being ignored is safer than being noticed," he said shrugging it off and he continued. "Anyhow I hadn't eaten for a few days and it was summer vacation so no chance of a school lunch to get something to eat. So as I had to be out of the house before the family got up, I was at the beach at 4.30am, I was watching the vendors set up and get their wares ready to sell. Anyway, I'm sitting on the beach smelling a hot-dog vendor's cart and my stomach starts rumbling." Callen ate another bite of his steak as if he was stopping a memory of his own he swallowed and continued.

"So this old guy comes along and puts his towel down on the sand with a cool box puts his surfboard in the sand. Like most adults I think he doesn't see me on the sand, turns out later he did and was worried about me." His voice breaks a little at the memory and he took a drink to cover the slip. He really didn't want to tell Deeks this, but if he was expecting the younger man to open up to him, he needed to give a little first didn't he?

"Anyway I watched him surf and I knew he was out in the water, but I lost sight of him as I stared at that cooler, I moved closer and closer until I was sitting right by it, and I opened it half an inch, nearly died at the amount of food there was inside it. There was sandwiches and chips and soda's. I smelled it and wanted to take it, but I couldn't and I started to close the lid when Sharky put his hand on my shoulder."

Callen smiled at the memory.

* * *

Sharky had been four times to the beach that week and had seen the skinny kid there every day, yesterday he had watched the kid all day, seen him there before daylight, and watched as he'd scrounged through the trash looking for discarded food. He'd been impressed when a man had dropped his wallet and although the kid was obviously hungry, he had ran up to the man with his kid and handed him his wallet back, refused a reward suggesting he brought his kid something with the money instead and had stared hungrily at the ice cream he'd brought his son.

He didn't know what the deal was with the kid, but he was obviously honest and hungry. A rare combination.

So this morning he'd packed a cooler full of food and drinks and taken it with him.

He'd seen the same kid on the beach and surfed briefly watching the kid get closer and closer to the food, he'd opened the lid and he wondered if the kid would get the hint and help himself to the food inside but even though he could hear the kid's stomach growling he was shutting the lid.

He reached out and touched the kid on the shoulder. Instantly he flinched and scrambled away.

"I weren't gonna steal nothin!" Callen snapped looking frightened at the man.

"I know that kid, but I'd be a shame if you didn't help me eat some, I made too much again."

Callen shook his head; he wasn't going to just, take food from the other man.

Sharky sighed, grabbed a sealed packet of sandwiches and a soda, and dropped them in an empty trashcan.

Callen waited for a second and bolted over to the trashcan, took the food and drink out of it and wolfed it down watching Sharky all the time as he ate.

As Callen finished his food and put the trash in the can he turned to find a packet of chips and another can of soda on the sand halfway between the man and him, Sharky nodded at the boy and he moved over to eat the food.

Sharky moved a bit closer, watching Callen as he ate, "My name's Sharky, what's yours?" he asked.

Callen looked at him. "Callen…G…my name's G."

"Interesting…" Sharky said as Callen winced slightly waiting for the inevitable, how can that be your name to come out; however, Sharky said nothing.

"You like the ocean?" Sharky asked.

Callen nodded his mouth full; he took a drink of the soda. "How do you do that?" he asked nodding towards the surfboard.

"What…Surf?" Sharky asked.

Callen nodded, "Is it dangerous?" he asked.

Sharky shook his head, "Na…you know if you're interested the surf shack runs classes, maybe your parents would let you learn."

Callen looked away, "I don't have any parents…I...I don't wanna learn, I was just asking."

"Hey…kid, G…I could teach you…" Sharky offered as Callen turned to look longingly at the surfers in the ocean.

"Na, Can't pay ya." Callen said.

Sharky smiled, "You're young and healthy though?" He said.

Callen's head snapped up and the scared and guarded look came up again, Sharky wondered what on earth this kid had been through in his life. Callen softened as Sharky's dog, Bob came bounding over and nuzzled the boy, for Sharky that was it, if Bob liked him the kid couldn't be bad.

"I have a shed I need building and some yard work done, what do you say? you give me an hour's work for an hour's surfing lesson."

Callen nodded, and Sharky smiled. He was an ex police officer and he'd seen kids like Callen before; he hoped that by getting him a hobby he liked he could keep him out of trouble. There was good in this kid and he hoped that in some small way he'd help keep him out of trouble.

Callen turned to Deeks, "And that was that, I did his yard work all summer and he taught me to surf, and a few other things as well…He was a good friend." He said sadly remembering that Sharky had died a few years before.

After breakfast and after they had shared a few more stories about Sharky and how similar the experiences were Callen decided to show Deeks yet another secret no one else know except for him.

* * *

Callen stood up and grinned, "C'mon, I want to show you something " he said and the two made their way to the garage where he stopped in front of the door and fixed his younger companion with a serious glare to maintain how important this was... "You have to keep this a secret." He said.  
MARTY said in his unique surfer drawl "Don't worry about me I can keep a secret, despite what everyone else believes, so don't sweat it" and of course he kept some major ones.

Callen then opened his garage, walked to the far end lifted a tarpaulin up and tossed it to the side ...

Deeks was speechless and Callen could see the longing in his eyes and he knew what this look meant, he had the same one. Standing in the middle of the garage were two motorcycles, exactly the same type as the ones Hetty had confiscated from Deeks a few months ago. He walked towards them and stopped, reached out reverently and almost touched one of the glorious machines but hesitated, he looked at Callen to seek his permission. He got a nod and than he was once again in his own world.  
He dared to remember how he felt when riding such a perfect bike how the wind whistled through his hair or the freedom he felt. But then again as if on purpose, his mind assaulted him once again with his failures.

Callen could see the sudden change in Deeks demeanor and quickly handed the young man a helmet and took the lead he thought it was the best to decide for him and maybe, maybe he would come out of it.  
This safe haven had been good, he lifted Monty up and secured him to a harness he had preinstalled on the back of Deeks' bike and grabbed two bags, which he tied to the back of his bike.

"Where are we going?" Deeks asked.

Callen smiled, "Haven." He said and climbed on the bike, "Stay close and follow me." He instructed, he turned the ignition over on the bike and after locking up the house by remote control he sped off with Monty and Deeks following close behind.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Deeks stayed close following near as Callen took his bike up into the trails of the Los Angeles forest.

The trees thinned out and there were muddy canyon roads looking like it was leading to the middle of nowhere, but Deeks kept up. Soon Callen pulled outside a small mom and pop gas station.

"G? …Good to see ya again kid!" the elderly man on a rocking chair grinned.

"Hey Pop. How ya doing?" Callen asked as Deeks pulled up behind him.

"Fine, ya ma's inside, cooking up a storm ya hungry?" he asked.

Callen grinned and nodded, "Got a friend with me today and his dog."

The old man grinned, "Sure, we hardly get any customers this time of day and ya ma has got all the fixings for your favorite food." He added as Deeks walked over to them.

"Pop, this is Marty, my friend." Callen said.

Deeks looked up in surprise, his friend? He'd never been called someone's friend before, when not undercover…ray excepting.

"Pleased to meet you Marty, G doesn't bring people by to see us much." The old man said.

Marty looked at Callen, he was using his real name with these people?

"Go inside, take ya dog, Ma'll find something for the dog to eat." He said gesturing to the diner.

* * *

Marty looked up as Callen jogged easily inside, "MA!" he called with a huge grin on his face.

An elderly woman looked up and dropped a pan. "G. Callen…as I live and breathe! Come 'ere boy!" she said and threw her arms open.

To Deeks' surprise Callen ran across the room and wrapped his arms around the smaller woman.

"I have missed you so much." Callen said kissing her cheek.

Ma looked him up and down her kind smiling face having a ghost of concern as she checked him out for injuries. Then she looked over at Deeks and Monty standing quietly in the corner. She could, as she always had been able too, see the pain behind the boys' eyes.

"He with you?" she asked quietly as she hugged Callen.

He nodded and stepped back, "Ma, this is Marty Deeks my friend, we are heading to my home for a few days." He told her.

Deeks looked confused as Ma moved Callen out of the way and grabbed a bowl from behind the counter and filled it with water, "and who is this?" She asked.

"His name is Monty." Deeks said a small light returning to his eyes. "I can leave him outside if you want." He said reaching for the dog's collar.

"No…no he can stay, sit down you look famished, knowing my son he's had you up since before dawn…now sit and I'll make you both some food." She said ushering them into a booth.

She left them and Monty curled up on the floor.

"My son?" Deeks asked a small smile playing on his lips.

"Foster mom, one of the nicer ones. Stayed with them a month when I was sixteen didn't wanna leave." Callen admitted.

"Why did you?" Deeks asked, he'd been fostered himself but only by one family.

"CPS worker wanted to move me, something to do with targets and numbers." Callen said, "I didn't get a choice."

"So you visit a lot?" Deeks asked.

Callen nodded as he sipped the coffee that 'Ma' had left on the table for them both.

"I have a cabin up here, Pa built it, and they gave it to me for my 21st." he said. "I share it with my foster sister."

"You have a foster sister?"

Callen laughed, "I've been in care I have HUNDREDS of foster brothers and sisters."

Deeks took a sip of his coffee. "This is nice." He said.

Callen smiled warmly, "Ma loves to help people and she'll feed ya until ya burst." He warned. "I think she had a Jewish mother…" he whispered conspiratorially.

"I HEARD THAT!" a call came from the kitchen.

"SORRY MA!" he called back laughing.

* * *

Deeks relaxed, this was a side of Callen no one knew existed, he looked over at the man his eyes closed in relaxation in the booth.

Sam would probably relax if he ever saw Callen like that. Deeks thought.

"No." Callen said looking straight at Deeks, "You can't tell Sam." He stated.

"Why not?" Deeks asked, "Sam would be pleased you have this."

"I know, but Marty, I can't put them in danger, it would only take one wrong word." Callen said.

Deeks looked at him, "But you trust me?"

Callen shrugged, "You didn't squeal on Michelle or Sam, you're stronger than that, so yeah I trust you." He said.

Deeks couldn't help the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. This meant a lot to him.

And Callen knew it, he could see the new energy that started to flow through the man, just a few more days like that and hopefully they'd be ready to go back to work.

"Here you go…" Ma said as she put plates in front of them. "G, I'm going to make you both a box lunch and I'll get you some supplies from the store, the cabin is ok, or it was last weekend when we checked on it."

She placed the key on the table, "There ya go." She said.

"Thanks Ma. Can't take too much I'm on the bike." Callen said.

"Nonsense I have everything packed into the saddlebags you left here last time, between the two of you you'll have enough room, now eat!" she said poking him in the ribs.

"Yes Ma." Callen sighed and started his food motioning to Deeks to do the same.

Ma brought a plate of sausages out for Monty and placed it in front of the happy dog as she placed two full saddlebags next to them. "Now, G…There is enough for a few days but don't forget to come back down for more." She said

Callen nodded and carried on eating as Ma smiled at her once, and in her heart forever, foster son.

They climbed back on their bikes adding the saddlebags that Ma had packed for them and with a pat to the head for Monty and a hug for both Callen and Deeks the trio set on their way.

* * *

It was another hour through the mountains on the clearly marked trail when Callen took a turn to the left and headed down an unmarked track and pulled up in front of a log cabin surrounded by trees.

"Wow!" Deeks said taking his helmet off, "This is awesome." Despite the depression, he had been feeling the light, dappled on the forest floor and the huge log cabin makes his spirit soar.

Callen smiled, "Now you see why we came here." He said.

Deeks unstrapped Monty and he ran around barking and sniffing the new smells in the forest.

At Monty's bark, one of the curtains in the cabin twitched and Callen caught it and pulled his gun.

"Stay here." Callen said quietly as Deeks gave him a small nod and pretended he had not seen anything moving to a point where he too could unholster his weapon and followed Callen's lead into the cabin.

Callen went in first and stopped, "Federal Agent come out with your hands…Lilly?!" he said surprised and lowered his weapon, "Momma Lilly?" he breathed.

The older women looked at him with tears in her eyes, "Baby G?" she asked.

Callen nodded, only one person had ever called him that, and that woman was only 6 years older than he was. She meant more to him than anyone he had known throughout his life.

"It's ok, you can carry on unpacking, it's a friend!" Callen called out the door.

"OK!" Deeks voice floated back and he turned to unpack the saddlebags on the bikes.

"Lilly, why are you here…are you still married to…him?" Callen asked his voice hushed, even thirty-four years could erase the terror from his voice of the first foster parent to beat him and break his spirit.

Lilly smiled her bright blue eyes still sparkling even though her blonde hair had grayed somewhat over the years. "No baby G, he died in 1998. He was jailed for attacking me and my son."

"I told them Lilly, I told them you were pregnant and that it was his, I told them he hurt us, but they didn't believe me." Callen pulled her into his arms not sure, if he were comforting her or himself.

"I know, I had to marry him so he wouldn't be prosecuted, they didn't care as soon as I married I was off the CPS books. Saved them money and he'd convinced the social worker that I was in love with him."

"So you had a boy then?" Callen asked walking over to the coffee pot that stood on the range. Feeling that it was hot and fresh he poured himself a cup.

"Yeah, I lost touch with him after my husband was shot, they took him into care, said I wasn't stable enough to be a mother."

Callen shot her a look, "You were the best mother ever," he said remembering the young girl who bandaged his knees when he fell and when he _**'fell'**_. He remembered the fear in her eyes as the foster father would scream their names in a drunken rage and he remembered holding her as she sobbed the day she found out that she, at fourteen, was going to be a mother.

Lilly smiled at him, "Thanks G. Although I heard he did well got good foster parents, I think he's a lawyer now."

"Why are you up here?" she asked.

"A friend from work has been through some rough stuff, he needs to get his head together so I took him to the beach and then thought I'd bring him up here, maybe take him hiking."

Lilly smiled, "Nice plan."

Callen looked around, "Why are you here?" he asked.

"Nothing for you to worry about, my new…ex-husband…he's got into some stuff, I didn't want in, he didn't want me out so I'm hiding out." She smiled. "I have some food if you haven't eaten yet." She said moving towards the kitchen.

"No we stopped down the trail," Callen said and looked up as Monty ran in.

"Hi?" Lilly said stroking the dog. She stood up and swayed and Callen caught her.

"You ok?" he asked worried holding her tight.

"Hit my head a few days ago, so a but dizzy." She admitted, she relaxed into his hug and he stroked her hair making her feel safe and enjoying the feeling as Deeks walked in.

"I got the saddlebags where to you want…?" he stopped as he looked at them both.

"Callen?...Mom?" Deeks looked at the pair of them. If it were not so crazy, it would be funny. His team leader had just kissed his mother, ok it was on the cheek but he had just _**KISSED HIS MOTHER**_!

"Deeks?" Callen said looking at the horrified face of the detective.

"Marty?" Lilly said stunned. "Marty? Is that really you?"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

1979 - February.

G was at the beach, he'd been there ever since he'd ran away from Brandel's after he had to listen to Lilly's screams all night and when he'd got a hold of his social worker and told her she'd called him a liar. Brandel had overheard and beaten him to within an inch of his life. That night even though he broke his heart to leave her he had run away.

Nine years old and he'd been on the street for three months before he had seen her again, this time holding a baby in her arms, late at night sitting on the beach crying.

"Lilly?" he asked.

"Dodger?" she looked him up and down. She had taken to calling him Dodger ever since she had read him Oliver Twist one evening and he'd picked her pocket to show her how easy it was.

"Why are you here did he hurt you?" he asked his eyes wide and afraid.

Lilly shook her head, "No…no not today, we…we got married Dodger, he made me. Child services found out and wanted to have him arrested for hurting me, so I had to marry him, he says it's so he doesn't go to prison. He needs to provide for his son." She explained to the child slowly.

Callen looked at the bundle in her arms, "Is that the baby?" he asked in awe at the small child holding a tiny stuffed shark.

Lilly nodded and moved the blanket so he could see. A large mop of blond hair stuck out and the child's eyes instinctively looked towards the ocean.

G giggled, "Lilly, I think he wants to be a fish." He laughed looking at the tiny pudgy hand that wasn't holding the toy reaching towards the waves. "You should call him Fin."

"Dodger…!" Lilly admonished with a small smile as she wrapped her son back up, "His name is Martin. Not fin." She smiled as Callen sat down next to her and she wrapped a spare are around the boy.

"How are you doing?" she asked after a few moments of them to listen to the waves.

"I'm fine." Callen said too quickly.

Lilly gave him a sad smile, "I have a sandwich in my bag, you eat it." She said.

Callen took the offered sandwich and ate hungrily.

"You need to turn yourself in, they won't put you back with us now." She assured him sadly.

She knew if he did turn himself in she'd never see him again. He was and had been her one bright spot apart from her son.

Gordon John Brandel was a serial abuser and she hated being married to him, but he'd threatened to kill the child inside her if she didn't lie to child welfare and say that she loved him and she had consented to everything he had done.

So she had; they had kept Callen on for a while, and then he had run away. Lilly had kept an eye on him as much as she could until she had gotten too pregnant to leave the house. Seeing him here made her heart soar, he was still alive and was safe from Brandel.

"I will do Lilly, you promise though he won't hurt me again?" Callen said looking at her full of trust.

Lilly smiled, "He's changed he loves his son and he's really working hard now so no Dodger he won't hurt you again."

She watched as Callen shrugged his shoulders and headed off down the beach to find a safe space to sleep. "I'll be around Lilly!" he called as he walked off.

Lilly smiled and looked at the Martin, when she looked up Callen was gone; it was to be nearly 7 years later before she saw him again.

* * *

1986- August.

Marty was 7 and he'd been hiding under his bed while his daddy was fixing his momma.

He had his shark toy in his hand and held it tight to his body as he tried to close his eyes and block out her screams. He knew the rules he didn't move from under there until momma told him to come out.

He really hoped his daddy would stop this time, he used to hear his momma cry and tell him stories of a little boy called Dodger who lived on the streets because he was safer there than in a home. Dodger was a sweet and kind kid in his momma's stories, and he always ended up on the beach with him and his momma watching the sun go down over the ocean.

The door slammed open and a gruff voice called, "Where are ya boy?"

Marty sneaked further under his bed.

A large hand reached under and pulled him out, dark brown eyes staring into his bright blue ones.

He saw stars for a moment as a large hand slapped him upside the head.

"D…Daddy?" Marty said.

Brandel's eyes focused on the toy in his son's hands.

"Fraidy cat's don't get toys." Brandel snarled and ripped the toy out of his son's hand.

"SHARKY!" Marty screamed.

Brandel threw his son to the floor and crouched over him holding the toy. He pulled at the stitching and ripped it apart laughing at his son's distress, "Man up, you ain't gonna be a sissy like the last little boy we had here, and he was such a sissy he ran away."

"Gordon, No!" Lilly said looking at the fear and terror in her son's eyes, that and the rapidly growing bruise on her son's face. She limped forward and put herself between her son and her husband.

Eventually Brandel's rage gave way to drunken snoring.

Lilly picked a sobbed out and sleeping Martin up and headed out of the door.

* * *

As it got light she found herself on Santa Monica pier.

Marty was sleeping on the bench, when he woke up his mom was in the arms of another man, he was holding her close and was being gentle with her.

For some reason he liked this man.

"Hey Fin, you're awake?" Callen said to the child.

"Dodger!" Lilly laughed, "I told you not to call him fin."

"But he's always at the ocean, he's like a dolphin." Callen argued with his older foster sister. Callen's face changed for a second when Marty looked up and Callen saw the fresh bruise.

"Are you the Dodger from momma's stories?" Marty asked.

Callen looked at Lilly, "I don't know, am I?"

"The one who's going to come in and save us from daddy?"

Sixteen year old Callen shot Lilly a look. "Maybe…but for today, who wants to have fun." He asked, he'd lifted a wallet the other night with cash in it, so he was determined to make both Lilly and the boy smile.

"What do you say Fin, want to go to the fair?"

Martin's eyes lit up as he looked to the rides on the pier. "Really, I can go? Please Momma, please Mr. Dodger!" he begged.

Callen smiled at the boy, "Just Dodger kid." He said knowing he couldn't shift the kid from calling him that name. He held his arm out and looked to Lilly, "Milady?" he asked.

She smiled and took his arm and after a few moments Marty went between them and held their hands.

Callen laughed and watched attentively as Marty played and had fun. He held Lilly's hand as she told him about what was happening at home and held her while she cried as Marty was on a ride.

The ride finished and Marty stopped by a stall where you had to throw darts at a target to win a prize.

Callen walked into him as he stared at the shark stuffed toy.

"I'll take three." Callen said to the man behind the stall.

He threw three darts and won a prize. He pointed to the shark toy and handed it to Marty who looked at him amazed.

"Thank you dodger." He said as he took the toy to show his mother.

Walking back toward home Callen and Lilly talked as Marty ran ahead.

Marty turned to look at the pair and ran up to his mother, "Momma? Is Dodger gonna be my new daddy?" he asked.

"No? Why?" Lilly asked shocked.

"Daddy said you were a ….? I dunno tired maybe, because you were sleeping with Dodger and maybe you were gonna have another baby coz you could have lots of them, coz you spent a lot of time on your back?" he said.

Lilly stopped horrified with what her son had come out with.

Callen looked upset, but he held Lilly's hand, "Don't Lil, he's just repeating what that monster has told him about you he doesn't know it's bad."

Lilly crouched down to her son, "I love you baby you know that don't you." She said.

Marty nodded, "I love you too momma."

"Marty sometimes your dad is going to say bad things, you need to realize that he doesn't mean them, and it's not your fault ok?"

"Like…." Marty's eyes teared up, "Like when Daddy killed my Sharky?" he sniffed.

Callen nodded, "That was _**Not** _your fault ok? It's hard now but it will get better one day I promise." He said looking the boy in the eye.

"Promise Dodger?" Marty said.

"I promise Fin." Callen replied.

* * *

Callen looked at Deeks as he looked between him and his mother.

"Dodger?" Deeks said shocked.

"Fin!" Callen exclaimed.

"That's you!" they both said together looking at each other stunned.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

If someone were to have have taken a picture at that moment of realization hit all 3 it would have been be hilarious.

Lily stood there like a statue rooted to the wooden floor. She knew her son was in law enforcement and she worried every day about his safety.

She had broken the contact she had had with her son to protect him from his Father. So it never come up that she shared this nice little place with her foster brother the one and only G. Callen.

But Marty didn't know that Gordon John Brandel staged his car accident. To be left alone from the law he had lived under a different name Richard Newman, having plastic surgery he changed his look so nobody could ever identify him.

Well that's not that right, Lilly had known all the time.

Now she was on the run because she knew too much. That was why she had ended up in the cabin.

Marty and G stared at each other for the longest time were both of them thought about their shared past.

Both of them felt at ease for a moment before the reality came back. Well for G. it eased back, Marty instead, felt almost crushed.

But he felt some of his peace came back to him . A warmth he thought was lost a tiny bit of hope for himself even.

* * *

That evening they cooked on the big range cook what Ma had prepared and sent up with the boys, sharing it out between them and Lilly.

The kitchen was simple functional and it had a nostalgic flare.

They enjoyed their meal and Marty and G shared some stories about them working together.

G made sure they were always good natured and light and funny.

Marty didn't need the hard stuff right now, neither did Lilly. They all noticed that everyone avoided any explanation to why they were all up here.

Deeks was stunned, this was Dodger, Callen was _the _dodger who had popped up at various times in his life and had always been the source of his happy memories, until he had last seen him aged seven.

Lilly watched as the two most important people in her life came together. "I can't believe it?" Callen said looking at Deeks in a whole new light.

Deeks smirked, "You know for years…." he trailed off and looked embarrassed.

"Marty?" Lilly asked looking at her son.

Deeks looked abashed, "I always thought, that Dodger was my Father, I overheard you once and I really wished he was."

"Oh baby…" Lilly moved closer to her son but he moved away, "I need to talk to Callen alone mom, can I?"

Lilly looked over at Callen who nodded and noticing that Deeks wasn't looking at them he mouthed. 'Tell you later.' and she nodded and left the room for a while, taking the opportunity to go and use the shower the cabin had to freshen up.

Callen watched Deeks as he stared out of the window caught in some internal dialogue.

He hadn't asked permission to talk to someone since he was five and the memory of that time came flooding back.

He remembered when he was five, it was Christmas, his father had gone away to Vegas with a girl and taken all the housekeeping with him, backhanding his mother on the way out of the door.

He had hidden under the bed as his father had left.

* * *

"I don't care Lilly, I don't have to feed you or the brat! I am going to spend Christmas in Las Vegas with Shelly, she doesn't whine about wanting stuff all the time, its my holiday and I'm going! So give me the money!" he yelled.

"I need it, it's for Martin's christmas present, and for food and the bills…" Lilly started, her words cut of as he backhanded her around the face.

"They can cut us off, I'll pay them when I get back, or you can go out and be the Hoe I know you are and earn it on ya back!" he snarled, he pulled the $200 out of her hand and pushed her down onto the floor. "Drop the brat off at a shelter or something for food, I don't care what ya do, I'm not even sure it's mine anyway, I still think he looks too much like that Callen brat."

Lilly burst into tears, "Martin is your son, no one ever touched me but you!" she cried.

"Yeah and I just got your word for that."

"CALLEN WAS NINE! I AM NOT THAT SICK!" She screamed in his face.

Gordon turned back with a slight leer in the doorway, "Yeah?" He sneered, "But he was cute…." He slammed the door leaving Lilly confused, upset and sick to her stomach on the floor wiping the blood with the back of her hand from her split lip.

Lilly got up cried for a few minutes and looked around her house, it was December 23rd. There were no decorations and the cupboards were bare, even the TV was gone, Gordon having sold it for money for his trip to Vegas.

She sank to her knees and sighed, "What am I going to do?"

Waiting for a moment to get herself together she sat up and shook her head.

Getting up she walked to the bathroom, washed her face and took the small box of medical supplies she kept in there and treated her bruises applying just the right amount of makeup to hide them.

She checked her hair and then she turned off the light and closed the door. Walking along the hallway she went into her son's room.

As expected his bed was empty and she crouched down and lifted the comforter.

"Martin….baby, it's ok….he's gone." she whispered.

"Really momma?" he asked with a small sniffle.

She smiled sadly she hated that he had to listen to this and that she couldn't just leave, but she knew he would track her down and take her son from her just to break her, and she had been with him since she was fourteen and at nineteen years old she had nowhere to go.

No money, no social security number, (Gordon having taken and burned it insisting that he owned her) and no family.

"Really, now how about I take you to town to see Santa?" she offered. She knew there was no chance of him getting a present but she wanted him to still have that little bit of hope, maybe she could find something with the fifteen dollars she had left in her sock hidden under the mattress.

"Comb your hair and put your nice jacket on, you want to look nice for Santa don't you?" she smiled as he grinned and ran to the bathroom to wash his face and comb his hair.

Two hours later they were standing outside the department store.

Martin had his face plastered up against the window with a huge gap filled grin as he looked at the array of toys in the window.

"Momma?" he asked as he looked up his eyes full of wonder, "Do you think Santa will bring me a Transformer...Ray's asking for one to so we can play together."

"I know Santa has a lot of toys to deliver, but I am sure he will try his best." she said, she looked sadly at the price tag, it was nearly all of her money, but hopefully she could find a cheaper version at the dime store.

She found the $2 entry fee for him to see Santa and they stood in line with all the other children, some of the other mothers shooting sad looks at Lilly and her son having seen their threadbare clothing and the bruises on Martin's torso as he lifted his arms for his mother to pick him up.

Lilly watched as the child ahead of them went to Santa and started rattling off a huge list of things he wanted as an 'elf' stood next to his mother, "If you could get everything I would be so grateful, charge it to me please." she handed over a credit card and the elf nodded and moved over with the little boy who had his photo taken with Santa. "The photo is $5." the elf said. The mother nodded "I'll take four." she smiled.

* * *

Martin waited until it was his turn, "Can I go now?" he asked as the kid got off Santa's lap and went over to his mother.

The next elf took over, looked at Martin's outfit and smiled at him, "Hey sweetie do you have your ticket?" he asked.

Lilly handed the ticket to the elf, "Aww that's sweet you taking your little brother to see Santa." The elf said.

Martin looked up as the elf moved the rope so he could go in, "Off you go." she smiled as Lilly shot her a look of annoyance.

Martin walked up the steps to the large man in the suit and shook slightly, he knew Santa was nice, but he was after all a man.

Santa smiled at the small boy who like most children his age was a bit scared of him. The boy looked over at the young girl with him looking for reassurance. He frowned for a second as he spotted a large bruise on the back of the small boy's neck in the shape of a handprint and looked at the girl, she seemed to be sporting a few bruises of her own.

"Hello there….Martin," he said as the elf whispered in his ear.

Martin looked shocked, "You...you know my name?" he breathed.

Santa smiled, "I know all the names of all the children in the world." he laughed, "So tell me have you been a good little boy?"

Martin looked worried but Lilly nodded.

"Yessir." he said quickly.

"Have you been good in school?" Santa asked.

Martin looked confused, "I don't go to school." he replied, "I will soon." he grinned, "And I'll be good Santa I promise!"

"So what do you want for Christmas?" he asked.

Martin screwed up his face thinking, he shot a look at the Transformer toy on its display stand with all the little boys looking at it. Then he looked at his mother.

"Can I have a day without daddy, so momma won't be sad?" he asked.

Lilly sniffed and smiled apologetically at Santa.

"I will try my best, do you and your sister want anything?" he asked.

"I don't have a sister," He looked at Lilly, "momma?" he asked.

Lilly looked embarrassed as Martin climbed off of Santa.

"Do you want his photo taken?" The elf asked.

"No." Lilly mumbled and pulled Martin out of the store.

"Did I do something wrong momma?" he asked.

Lilly held him tight, holding her tears in, "No baby, you didn't what you asked Santa for was lovely."

She looked back in the window and saw the Santa pointing to her and talking to the woman who was dressed as an elf. She hurried away fearful that they were calling the police.

They walked through the crowds and headed to the open air christmas market.

Lilly took another look behind her and took two steps and knocked into a kid.

"I'm sorry….Dodger?" she said looking at the bruised kid in front of her.

"Lilly?" Callen asked, he'd only stepped out of the alleyway a second ago hoping to pick a pocket for some food.

"You ok?" He asked.

Lilly nodded, "Sure you wanna talk a walk, I'm gonna let Martin play on the beach for a while." she said as he ran a few steps in front of her staying close but trying to be big.

"Sure." he walked with her as Martin pretended to be an airplane and fly in front of them.

* * *

"Not too far!" Lilly called as he ran away from the crowds towards the sand.

"What's wrong Lilly?" Callen asked.

Lilly turned her head away from the fourteen year old, "Nothing Dodger," she mumbled. "What happened to you?" she asked looking at the bruises he was sporting.

Calle shrugged, "Same ole same ole." he replied, "Usual stuff, me being alive, so where is _he_?"

Lilly knew that the 'he' he was referring to was Gordon.

"He's gone to Las Vegas with his girlfriend. He took the $200 and left."

"So you left him?" Callen asked with a modicom of hope.

Lilly laughed, "Where would I go?" she looked over and smiled as Martin made 'snow' angels in the sand.

"Well you'll have a good christmas just the two of you." Callen sighed.

Lilly looked at him again and noticed he had his bags with him.

"You ran away again?" she asked.

Callen shrugged, "Yeah, I'm gonna sleep under the pier."

Lilly moved and wrapped an arm around his shoulder wincing slightly as he flinched, "No you're not, you will stay with us, we have no food, and no presents or tree but we have each other."

Callen smiled, "I wouldn't say that." he grinned pulling out a wad of bills, "Courtesy of Mr. Oliver, lifted his wallet before I left,"

"Dodger!" Lilly gasped shocked.

Callen smiled, "What does Martin want for Christmas?" he asked.

"What does every kid want this year?" Lilly sighed.

Callen laughed, "Got it, and you?"

Lilly shook her head, "I'll stay with Martin and you can go and then meet me here in an hour, then we'll get some food, it won't be a huge meal but something ok?"

Callen hugged her, "You're the best Lil!" he laughed and ran off to the toy store that was down the street leaving his bags with her.

He came back with four full bags and a huge grin, "This is fun Lil, you should try it!"

"You know you're a sap." Lilly laughed, "I'm gonna take these and go get some food why don't you and Martin start heading for home, I'll see you in a few hours."

Callen rolled his eyes, "Geeze make me babysit the kid already, ok 'Mom'."

Lilly laughed, "And don't you forget." She stood up and headed to the store to buy food for the next few days grateful that Callen had saved Christmas for them.

* * *

The next morning Callen was woken by a five-year-old Martin jumping on him, "Wake up Dodger...Santa's been!" he yelled with huge gap toothed smile. "Wake up! Momma's making pancakes!"

He smiled as Lilly brought in a coffee for him, "Here sleepy head." she said and handed him the drink.

"Thanks mom." Callen sighed as he sipped the hot drink.

They watched as Marty whooped and hollered in delight as he opened the presents that Santa brought him, a train set, an Optimus Prime Transformer toy, story books and a coloring set.

Lilly put the breakfast down and the boys tucked in heartily.

Martin took his milk in both hands and drank it down smiling with a 'milk mustache', "Momma Santa did come, I am a good boy!" he grinned bits of pancake showing through his gap.

Despite the lack of manners Lilly couldn't be annoyed with her son, he was finally having the Christmas he deserved.

Marty watched as his momma and her friend cleared the table and he got his coloring book and started coloring a picture being really careful with each color.

Deeks turned back to Callen, "You know that was the best Christmas I ever had, thanks to you." he finished.

"Best one I had too." Callen admitted.

"You know?" Deeks said laying back his head on the couch studying the flames flickering in the fireplace, "All of my best memories as a child seem to involve you somehow…" the wistful note in his voice was not missed by Callen.

He smiled, "You know some of my best involve you too." he replied.

* * *

They talked late into the night Lilly having rejoined them and adding some anecdotes of her own and as the fire died down and both men began to tire Deeks turned to Callen.

He had been a positive influence in his life, his whole life...and he had never known, if anyone could listen and not judge him it would be Callen.

As it grew dark outside the lit some oil lanterns up and made a fire in the huge fireplace. Both man brought timber logs in and laid them in the wood basket.

As the cabin warmed up and the lantern provided indirect light Lilly announced. "Boys...it's getting late, I need to go to bed."

G went into the bedroom and made her bed ready while Marty and Lilly said their good-nights.

As G came back the boys made their bed near the fireplace. Both laying there in the looming light of the fireplace and were lost in the past both their shared one and what they had accomplished so far.

Both of them had struggled in their earlier years of life and both had overcome difficulties thrown in there way.

Both men had chosen to be strong.

Neither realizing that they were this similar. Maybe not in their behaviour or by character but for the ones who choose to look beyond their masks it was quite clear, Hetty was one of those and she damn well knew her Agents.

Monty was curled down be his feet and Marty was now drifting to sleep as he was beyond the level of exhaustion.

He tried to stay awake for much longer there was still thoughts running through his mind, however, he was losing this fight.

The short sleep or rather nap he had had in the morning with the nightmares, well can you even call them that? Had revealed every second of losing his soul and becoming what he hated the most in the world and that scared him shitless.

So many things that Marty was afraid of revealing these days and he was scared to disturb the others. The pain of keeping it all inside was physically hurting him and he was nearing to point where he felt his head would implode.

G had showed him that he cared about him and that he thought of him as a friend, he even shared his most heartfelt secrets with him!

G watched as Marty eventually settled down to sleep, he stoked the fire and looked anxious as the emotions Marty was keeping to himself played out across his face. Finally he hit a period of deeper sleep and Callen settled down himself, near enough to be close if needed, but far enough away to give Marty the privacy he needed.

In the middle of the night Marty let out a scream that would have shattered some bones and hearts if G haven't put a piece of blanket into his mouth.

"Shhh….Marty….you're ok, you are safe, but you need to stop screaming, you'll wake your mother." he said holding Marty tight and rocking him, rubbing his hand up and down the other man's back trying to comfort him like he had done when Marty was a child.

Finally he stopped screaming and focused on G's voice. Marty opened his eyes and Callen saw the ultimate terror in it.

"Marty, we need to talk…" Callen said and smiled with relief as Marty nodded.


End file.
