Grey's Anatomy 1. Maybe For Once

The skies overhead are grey and churning like an upset belly, thunder cracks and birds in the near vicinity flock away startled. She arrives like any other day and walks with her head held down. Pulling the school jumper over her fingers she detours to a secluded seat along the side of one of the school's old buildings. She pulled out her current book and shoved her earphones in to escape the world until class came. She's used to this. Everyday, at home, on the bus, at school, it's always like this. Her mind drifts to dangerous places and she tries desperately to distract herself but the jumper covering her arms and stockings protecting her thighs show that she isn't always successful. The wind blows and she's thankful for a legitimate excuse for her attire that day. Oh so many times has she had to attempt to cover her actions only to be questioned. Even when her parents or teachers interrogate her they never ask how she's feeling and that's because they would rather feign innocence and disbelief when they see the bandaids. "I just got a scratch from a tree on the way to school," always manages to put the teachers off. They don't care. They just want to enjoy teaching and got on with their job, not have to deal with some troubled teen. She just wants it to be over, but would never try because of the fear of not succeeding. No one wanted to be the loner's friend, no one wanted to talk to some freak who maintained A's in every class, no one wanted to be paired with a young girl who sat at the back of the classroom with bands on her wrist.

She was used to it. She was in grade ten and didn't bother trying anymore. She used to, before her family moved for the umpteenth time. She had had friends, close ones and she had been happy, oh so long ago. Over the humming of her earphones she could decipher the sound of the bell above her ringing to announce the beginning of class. With a sigh she slowly trekked her way towards her first class. The bustling of people caused her to halt on her path, waiting for the squealing set of girls to move out of her way the drained girl finally reached her classroom. Taking her usual seat at the back of the room she lost the world she was in and went to her own. She's never taken note of any of her peers before, always too ashamed to know that none of them would ever think she was good enough to be their friends. She was generally paired with the teachers or on her own during group work. Everyone all knew too well of the girl with the distant look and would never approach her for a task in class, so when a tall brunette cast her shadow over the blonde in the back of the room she looked up with puzzlement. As she scrutinised the taller girl she concluded that she must want to borrow something, or make fun of her. She didn't remember seeing this girl around but then again she never really socialised or ventured further than her classrooms and the abandoned seat next to one of the buildings. "Hi, may I sit with you?" came the angelic voice of her new company. She looked on sceptically but nodded and now was sitting next to the brunette. She wanted to know why the intruder was here and what humiliation she was most likely about to encounter. "Would you like to do the group project together?" Arizona only stared with bewilderment. "What are you doing?" floated over pink lips before the blonde could stop herself and she saw the brunette flinch at the venom that the words were sent with. "I just wanted to know if you'd do the project with me. We've never really talked but you seem interesting and yeah. I'm sorry. If you would like me to leave then just say the word," all but gushed out of the intruder.

With suspicion still evident over a worn face, the blonde simply shrugged and pulled out her work that she had already started. The brunette took this as an invitation and so introduced herself with "Hi, I'm Calliope. Well Callie, everyone just calls me Callie." As piercing azure eyes found deep chocolate ones Callie couldn't help the quick breath she sucked in. "Arizona." It was short and blunt but it was something and the raven haired goddess would take it. With small smile gracing her features she glanced at the blonde and the two began, with very little discussion, their task for the subject. After 40 minutes the teacher instructed the class to pack up and what looked like disappointment seemed to resonate from the brunette. Looking over at the blonde with hands tightly tucked into her maroon school issues jumper Callie took a leap of faith. "Arizona, before we leave I just wanted to say that I had fun that lesson and maybe we could hang out at lunch or in other classes we shared." By the startled look adorning the shorter girl Callie immediately regretted attempting to be friends with the girl. Clearly she wasn't interested. "Calliope, you're lovely but you don't want to be friends with someone like me." Now it was the brunettes turn to look startled. Disbelief had her grounded and before she had time to react the blonde had already left for their next class.

In a dazed state Callie somehow made it to her next class without being late and took a seat. Her class was uneventful and eventually break came and the brunette couldn't sit still so decided she'd explore more of the school. She'd been here for some months now but hadn't had classes at the bottom half of the school for the most part. With a sense of adventure and hope for something she didn't know she began her small trip with her black leather bag slung loosely over her shoulder. After having almost made a full circle she passed an older building and took two steps up to another landing. Hearing what she thought was page scrape along another from being turned she peered to her left and was greeted with a sight for sore eyes. On a lone bench down the side of a building she found the blonde beauty who she tried to befriend early completely engrossed in a book with earphones in. Noticing the cute little focused look the young girl had on Callie just watched her for a moment. After what she considered a creepy amount of time to be staring at someone without them knowing she took several steps in her direction until, much like earlier that day, her shadow darkened the light over the blonde. Upon noticing this, the blonde looked up and jumped slightly. Ripping her ear phones out and quickly shutting her book she took in the figure in front of her as well as she could as the sun was right behind them. Realisation dawned on the pale girl almost instantaneously and she let out a high pitched 'Calliope!" without a second thought. "What are you doing here?" her question wasn't meant to be rude, she was honestly just curious. No one ever came to this side of the school anymore. "I was just exploring the school. I'm sorry I startled you. Actually, I wanted to talk to you." Before the blonde could interrupt, as she had seen she was about to, she held up a hand and continued. "I do want to be friends with someone like you. I really do. I'm not trying to use you or humiliate you if that's what you think, I just honestly think that you would be a great friend and I am also a great friend and it looks like you might like a friend too." The blonde saw the slight blush creep across the brunettes chest and while the other girl was lightly shaking her head in embarrassment she replied. "Okay, Calliope." And the two girls sat together for the remainder of lunch, not talking about much but enjoying each other's company.


	2. I Knew It

Author's note: Sorry my updates will be sporadic ~ reviews welcome

The cold wind blew in from her bathroom window, tickling her skin. She shivers on the side of her white bathtub as the breeze hits the water drying on her skin. Staring down into her hand she lets out a huff of frustration. Dropping all but on blade she takes a deep breathe and swallows thickly. It glides almost too smoothly over scarred skin, a thin line of deep red blood beginning to appear. Soon the red thick liquid is coating her thigh and the separation of her skin becomes deeper and deeper with each passing cut. _Not good enough. Too smart. Not funny. Too fat. Ugly. Awkward. Loser. Loner. _All these words echo in her head as she once again burries the blade deep within her skin. Tears mix with blood on the pale blonde's thighs. She didn't plan on doing this tonight. She was feeling better. She thought she had maybe made a friend, an actual one. The more she thought about it though, the more obvious it was that the brunette had only wanted to embarrass her. Clearly she was going to go home and laugh to her friends about how the ugly blonde actually thought she wanted to be friends with her. As she remembered her reason for tonight she became even more angry with herself. _You should have known better, you idiot, _drifts in her mind and she finds that her 'thick' thigh isn't working anymore. Biting her bottom lip hard, drawing blood in yet another area of her body, she picks up a new blade and digs it deep with in her wrist. The satisfaction that comes from the one cut causes her to release a sigh of relief. The night continues like this and soon the bath water I stained red.

The next morning the young girl awakes and routinely checks to see if her bandaging has held. Like usual it has, she's become so talented at caring for her self inflicted wounds. She carefully sits up and winces slightly as her layers of cuts on her thighs scrunch together, she never really has gotten used to that one pain. Sitting for a moment before gathering enough energy to stand she can't help but wish she didn't have to go to school today. The sun was out which was unusual for this time, this meant that it was probably going to be a hot day and Arizona was already dreading it. Walking towards her closet she pulls out a pair of knee-length denim jeans and a black cotton shirt that was long sleeved. She put her silver watch on her left wrist and hoped that if her shirt rode up that it would cover her bandages. Finishing getting dressed and packing her bag the blonde left without breakfast. Like usual she got there early and repeated the same process that she had done for years now. The bell went and she walked slowly to class like always and her day begun like any other. By lunch the blonde had found that the temperature had risen quite a bit but she could handle it. She was pleased when she noticed that Callie wasn't in her first class. When the time came for her next class the blonde begrudgingly trudged to it seated herself in the back like always. When a chair pulled out next to hair she was startled, much alike the previous day.

"Hey, how are you?" the beaming brunette now seated next to her questioned. "What are you doing?" came the blonde's reply. With a confused look Callie replied "Asking my friend how she is?" when the brunette still looked confused the blonde rolled her eyes. "Well why don't you go sit with your friends and ask them? I'm not sure they can hear you from all the way over here." The blonde's rude reply shocked the brunette slightly but she wasn't entirely surprised. She knew that the blonde would try and push her away again but much like yesterday she wasn't going to have any of it. "Arizona, we're friends. Unless you have some legitimate reason for not wanting to be my friend, you're stuck with me." upon hearing this the blonde was a little startled, the blonde caused odd sensations to coil in her belly and that phrase seemed to heighten them. Coughing to break the thought she simply gave Callie a tight nod and listened to the teacher. After a lesson of idle chit chat here and there the class came to a close and the two girls went to stand up. Exiting the class Calliope followed Arizona, "What are you doing?" the blonde questioned unsure of herself. "Walking you to class." came the nonchalant reply from the taller one of the pair. "Why?" the blonde's confusion was adorable and Callie couldn't help but let out a little laugh.

When she heard the brunette's laugh float through the air she felt two things; hurt and tingly? Her laugh was like the skies singing in rejoice and it made her feel warm and fuzzy but the reason she was laughing is what hurt her. She knew it; Callie was like all the rest of them. _How could I have been so stupid? I told myself I wouldn't hang around with her anymore, why can't I ever listen argh. _She abruptly stopped causing the brunette to have to back-track two steps she had taken while still lightly laughing. "What's wrong?" Callie questioned and this only seemed to hurt the blonde more, causing her to become annoyed and angry. "I knew it. You're just like the rest of them. You've had your laugh now leave me alone." She went to storm off, she did, and so why she couldn't move any further baffled her. Turning to see what caused her sudden lack of ability to move she noticed a tanned hand gripping her upper arm. Looking up to the face of its owner she was confused and annoyed. 'I said to leave me alone!" she tried to pull her arm free but it wasn't working. The bell for the next class had rung so they were alone in the hallway and late. "Arizona, no." the finality in her voice caused the blonde to stop trying to pull away. "I wasn't laughing at you, well I was but it wasn't in a bad way. You're face was really cute when you had it all scrunched up because you were confused. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset but you're going to have to stop assuming the worst of me because I like you and if nothing else I'd really like the be your friend." After her admission Callie ducked her head and dropped her hand from the blondes. She can't believe she just said that, _how embarrassing could I be_? she thought. "Calliope, did you say that you liked me?" the timid question floated through the air much like the chuckle from the brunette earlier. Blushing furiously Callie rubbed the back of her neck, "Yeah I did, I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.." she finished unsure of herself. "Calliope, I like you too but I'm no good for you." Her reply voiced all her insecurities. 'Let me be the judge of that." With a ghost of a smile gracing both of their faces they set off for class, each glad for once to be late.


	3. Please Don't Run

Author's Note - trust me when i say that Arizona isn't just trying something for Callie. In this chapter it might seem like that but I know first hand that it is entirely a personal choice that has about a 3% influence from anyone around you so yeah. Reviews always welcome.

After separating for their next class Callie found herself thinking more and more about that blonde. She was a little confused as to why she would wear such a warm shirt on a day like today but was more concerned about the blonde's insecurities. She knew it would be hard to become friends with her but she also knew that she wanted it more than anything else. She hated seeing the sad or distant face in the corner of her classes and was determined to do anything she needed to help the blonde. So when the bell rang signalling lunch she made her way to the same place she had found the younger girl the previous day. Simply taking a moment to appreciate the blonde with the sun beaming down on her in precisely the right way she coughed announcing her presence. "Hey, mind if I join you?" her question was pointless as before the blonde could even reply she had already sat down and made herself comfortable. When the blonde took out her earphones and put away her book the brunette took it as a victory. The two talked for a little while about their last class and Callie couldn't help but notice how Arizona would offhandedly grasp her wrists and twist. After one of them had made a joke and they were both laughing about it Arizona's sleeve rolled up ever so slightly and that's when the brunette saw. The watch couldn't hide it. The sleeves suddenly made sense. And the anxious grabbing was finally explained. As quickly as Callie had noticed the blonde had too and ripped the sleeve back down over her skin. They both knew that Callie had seen it though and Arizona just sat with her head hung low.

"Arizona," Callie tried to start but was interrupted by Arizona mumbling something unintelligible and making to walk off. Finding herself in the same position as earlier Callie sprung to her feet and gently grabbed the blonde's hand. "Arizona, stop." Seeing that this had the intended affect on the blonde she situated them both back on the seat. "Arizona, look at me," Calliope tried to catch the blue eyes of her friend. Once she finally had managed to grab them she took both of Arizona's pale hands and pulling them into her lap, effectively positioning them both to facing each other. 'Arizona, you can talk to me. I'm not going to judge you. If you don't want to talk yet though then that's fine. I just want to be here for you alright. Please stop trying to run." The blonde couldn't tell if she was imagining the sincerity of the brunette's words or not but she realised that she must have been. Callie had seen what she had done to herself and like everyone else would think she was some attention seeking freak. She couldn't bare the thought of someone who seemed so genuine doing what everyone else did so she broke down. What she hadn't anticipated was two strong arms to wrap around her and for her head to find solace in the crook of a tanned neck. After what seemed like hours the blonde's sobs finally subsided and she went to lift her head up. Calliope maintained the death grip she had around the younger girl so when Arizona lifted her head their faces were only centimetres away from each other.

"Calliope, I'm so sorry." Arizona stated as she tried to move away from the brunette. Her eyes had dropped to the brunette's lips and so she didn't notice Callie staring at her own. "No, don't be." Callie refused to let go and they were both stuck, so close but seemingly so far away. Callie took the bold move of creeping her head forward only to rest it against a pale forehead. At the connection they both closed their eyes and drew in a quick breath. "Arizona, stop trying to run." The whispered words were nearly missed by the blonde but when she heard them she opened her eyes and was met with deep brown eyes staring into her soul. Her heart rate quickened and she was sure that due to Calliope's close proximity that if the brunette couldn't hear the rapid beating she could at least feel it. Ignoring every thought racing through her mind Arizona leaned forward and captured plump lips in a sensual and lingering kiss. Immediately realising her mistake she went to retract herself but was pulled in by the brunette for a more passionate kiss. After their kiss faded out they resumed their resting of forehead against forehead and Arizona shook her head with her next statement. "I'll stop running, Calliope, only if you promise to be patient with me. Don't be like everyone else, please. I don't think I'd survive." Calliope answered with a kiss, "Of course Arizona, I only want you to be happy." The two girls cuddled close for a while and Callie couldn't help but feel victorious but also useless. She wanted to be there for the blonde and hoped now Arizona would trust her and let her in the obviously high built walls she had surrounded herself in but she also knew that the blonde was addicted to something that takes a lot of time to over come. After a short make out session which caused Arizona to become a little flustered and embarrassed the two exchanged phone numbers and separated for their next class when the bell rung. As they walked in opposite directions when the time came they both looked over their shoulders and with shy smiles ducked their heads when they noticed the other was also looking. Neither girl knew it at the time but each girl managed to miss every word their teacher said as they replayed what happened at lunch. Callie was over the moon excited about it and Arizona was at times. She was trying to convince herself that everything was real and not some sick charade.

Arizona wanted to be over the moon but voices looming in her mind kept shooting down the high she had. She knew that Calliope was being sincere, she heard it, she felt it, but her mind was determined to ruin this for her and she wasn't sure she had the power to stop it. That night she received a text from Callie right before she hoped in the shower and the simply 'Hope you're having a good night, text me if you want' made the blonde leave her blades and bandaids in the hidden spot in her room. She showered and cleaned the cuts coating her from yesterday, re-bandaging them and re-entering her room. She felt slightly anxious at having not cut but tried her best to ignore it. In her long flannel pyjamas she went down stairs and ate an apple on the couch while her parents watched the news. She sent a text to Calliope wishing her a good night and sweet dreams. She hoped she hadn't sounded stupid but when she received a 'you tooJ' she thought that maybe she hadn't and a ghost of a smile crossed her face before she locked her phone and sat it down on the arm of her chair. She knew her parent's knew but she hoped that they were also aware of what happened tonight. She wanted them to know that she hadn't tonight, and she wanted them to be proud but she knew that it wasn't something to talk about and they wouldn't be proud of her for only being one day clean. After that thought swept through her mind she decided to go up to her room and study before going to sleep. She made it one night and she knew that even though one wasn't something to be proud of , she was one step closer to a number that would be.


	4. More More More

Author's Note - major apology for the delay; school work has picked up and I haven't been feeling that great. NOTE: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A LOT OF SELF HARM/SUICIDE ~ TRIGGERING

Four days. It had been four days. The blonde sat on the cold hard ground of her bathroom shivering with tears soaking her cheeks. _Four days. I am so pathetic. Four stupid, pathetic days. _She had tried so hard and the only thing she had to show for it was four day old scars now being covered by fresh ones. The past few days had been good. She had gotten to know Calliope more and had managed to let down some of her walls slightly. Every attempt she made to divert the brunette only seemed to fuel the Latina, something which brought a small smile to her lips every so often just thinking about it. The teachers and fellow students had noticed that the pair would hang out and talk but no one mentioned anything specific about the situation. Arizona was constantly worried about Calliope using her or deciding that she wasn't worth being friends with, that other people would judge her but so far the brunette had proved her wrong on all of her suspicions. Clanking of tiny pieces of metal could be heard in the silent, blackened house. Sobs echoed through thin walls but she knew no one would come into her sanctuary. _No one cares. _Empty phrases and hollow words faded in and out of her hazy mind and she looked to the left. Her basin didn't have much but she knew that in the second draw down closest to the window there was a bag. This bag was clear, full of multi-coloured round tablets with tape wrapped tightly around it for security. All she wanted to do was lean over the small distance, grab a plastic cup of water and set her longing dreams into motion.

Her breath was shallow in anticipation. She hadn't bothered this time with seating herself somewhere where the blood could pool in an easily cleanable location. She knew this time was different. She couldn't decide if it was just due to the usual worthlessness of herself or the added misery of being such a failure, but she did know that tonight was different. Calliope was on her mind, so were her parents, but mainly Calliope. The time ticked slowly, almost as if someone was about to pause it and the world was preparing for it. _Just a few more. _She had told herself that 14 slices ago, she knew that she was putting it off. She didn't want to but for some reason she just needed to gather her thoughts a little more, if that was even possible at this stage. Another one. This time deeper. Thick clotting blood squirted at first, only lightly, out of her scarred thigh. She had been alternating. Wrist, thigh, opposite wrist, opposite thigh. It was routine. Her underpants were soaked and so was her white singlet. More. More. More. It was all too much but never enough. So close but not close enough to make her open the packet that sat securely at her side. _Enough. Now. _She had decided. Her finality of thought was further enforced by the stabbing of perfectly white teeth through a delicate pink bottom lip. Pushing her blades to the right and wiping her hands, not bothering with her wrists or thighs, she grabbed the taunting packet.

It unravelled slowly. The tape was off and the fine packaging was rolling open at the pace of a snail. Arizona didn't know if it was her own doing or the bags material itself. Cursing under her breath she ripped the bag until all the pills now lay comfortingly in her hand. She grabbed three, all different colours and sizes and hoisted them into her bloodied mouth, taking a gulp of water along with them. She blew out a shaky breath and that's when she heard it. In the next room she heard a continuous buzzing. _What's that? I don't have an alarm set for now… _Before she continued with her thoughts she realised that the buzzing was loud enough for her to hear and therefore would most likely be able to be heard from the confines of her parent's bedroom. Regretting not cleaning up her earlier spill she quickly grabbed a towel hung up near by and carelessly wiped at her arms and legs, barely flinching. Racing into her attached bedroom she reached her phone and noticed it was a call. _Calliope's calling. _With a quick swipe of her finger to answer the call she held it to her chest until she made it back to the bathroom and then pulled the device to her ear. Blood continued to poor aimlessly over her body, she was sure some cuts would need stitches but she didn't plan on being around for that. Remembering that there was a phone to her ear and a person on the other end of the line she tuned into what Calliope was saying.

"Arizona? Arizona…are you there? You picked up but-" Callie's questioning was cut off when she heard a weak grunt make its way through the line. "Arizona! I've called you and texted you a million times. What's wrong? Are you okay?" at this point the blonde searched her phone with the Latina still on the other end and noted the several calls and texts she'd received. She didn't bother reading them though because obviously Calliope could inform her of what was so urgent that she felt the need to call the blonde at…3 o'clock in the morning. "Why are you calling?" She hadn't meant to sound rude; she found that she did it unintentionally a lot. "I was worried. I noticed you seemed a little off today. When I texted you earlier and you didn't reply I just assumed you were showering or something…not that I was thinking of you being naked…I mean that wouldn't be an unpleasant thought…oh my god shut up Callie," at the brunette's little ramble Arizona couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. She never thought she'd be laughing on the night of her suicide. "Anyway, I was worried. What's going on? Are you okay?" the sincerity of the brunette's voice caused tears to spring to cobalt eyes and Arizona just managed to hang up the phone before a sob wracked her entire body. She couldn't handle being on the phone. She couldn't handle hearing Calliope's voice. She couldn't handle questioning whether or not someone _cared. _

The deep beeps echoing through the phone did nothing to ease the brunette's worries. She knew something was wrong. She had noticed Arizona trying. She noticed the lack of new bandages. The lack of fresh blood coating a dirtied band-aid. She had noticed, but she didn't know whether or not she should comment on it. The blonde seemed so cut off when Callie had first seen her cuts, she hadn't wanted to talk about it. Today, when she first noticed the distant behaviour, she knew that there could potentially be a risk to the blonde and just wanted her to talk to her, to confide in her. She didn't want to push the petite blonde though and so she hadn't said anything. After the missed texts and calls and definitely after being hung up on after the signs of crying could be heard she knew something was wrong and she would do anything to make sure the blonde was okay. She had Arizona's address and didn't even hesitate leaving for it once it registered that Arizona had hung up in tears. Her driving could be deemed unsafe and she's sure she broke over 20 road violations on the short drive to the blonde's house but she didn't care. Nothing but Arizona was on Callie's mind and it would remain that way until she was safe.

After hanging up on the one person she couldn't get off of her demented mind she grabbed a fistful of pills, not caring that she could choke before overdosing, and shoved them down her throat with barely a sip of water. She couldn't believe she had answered the call. She couldn't believe how worried the brunette's voice sounded. She couldn't believe the feeling she got by just hearing Callie's voice. She was pathetic in her eyes and didn't deserve Calliope as even a friend and with that in mind she picked up several more pills and greedily consumed them. She didn't notice the headlights beaming through her bedroom window, or the sound of the car they were attached to. Her mind was starting to get foggy and she couldn't quite move properly. For some unknown reason she started laughing, this effectively overpowered the sound of a booming voice entering a commonly unlocked home and the sound of feet stampeding up stairs. After what was only a few wrong turns Callie barged into a dark room that had a line of light coming from an attached room and before the Latina could register the confused parents now exiting their own rooms she bolted to where she knew the blonde was. Almost breaking the door with so much force being applied to it the brunette let out a shuddering scream. She grabbed her phone and dialled 911 when she took in the pale, blood covered and soaked blonde collapsed on the floor. "Arizona, wake-hello, my friends tried to commit suicide. She's got cuts everywhere and-and I think she took some pills, there's some lying on the ground next to her." Callie didn't acknowledge the now pleading and crying parents trying to wake up their child. She rattled off the address and waited for sirens. It didn't take long and she was still trying to wake the blonde up and apply pressure to wounds still pouring.

The ambulance arrived in minutes and raced up to meet the group. The blonde was put on a stretcher and the paramedics immediately set about their tasks. Arizona's parents' looked on horrified and Callie was emotionless. She didn't know what to do, how to react, how to feel. She was numb. She was questioned by parents and police and doctors and told them all what happened while she eagerly waited for news on Arizona. No one was telling her anything. A doctor came out and allowed Mr and Mrs Robbins to follow him but she remained seated, unable to join because she wasn't family. _Family? They didn't even realise that their daughter-_her inner musings were cut off when the same doctor came out and updated her on the blonde. She didn't know why he did but the man looked sympathetic. She thanked him. _She's in critical condition, her stomach's been pumped and she's gotten many stitches. If it had been minutes later we could have lost her. If it had been minutes later… _Those were the only thoughts running through the brunette's head. She had to go home because she wasn't allowed to stay over night or visit the blonde. She was only learning to drive and it was actually illegal for her to be in the car without an experienced adult so she thought better of calling her parents at this time of night and would save the yelling for the morning. She had given Daniel and Barbara Robbins her phone number and ordered them to keep her updated. She looked at them with almost disgust. She just didn't understand, and she probably never would.

Days had passed and the blonde had been woken up. Due to the seriousness of her attempt she was ordered to stay in the hospital, full care, medicated and constantly to be watched. She hadn't said much to anyone. She hadn't remembered much from that night either. Proper protocol was put in place and so she patiently waited out the days she would be stuck in the hospital, being forced to have drugs, watched while she was being showered, and enduring mandatory counseling sessions. No one had told her that it was Callie who found her until nearly a week later and she immediately demanded that the brunette be sent to see her. She couldn't believe what the Callie must be going through, she probably hated her even more the blonde thought. Her parents were comforting, or at least attempted to be. It was always awkward with them all but Arizona didn't make a fuss. They still didn't care, their actions showed it and she just wished that she hadn't have been found…


	5. Trying

Author's Note - Terribly sorry about the major delay. Things have been blah but whatever. Thinking about maybe finishing here? There's more I could do but yeah. Reviews are loved!

Two months had passed. Every effort the blonde had made to see the brunette had been futile. The doctors hadn't allowed any visitors other than family due to the personal circumstances. The blonde's parents had attended counselling sessions with their daughter and also on their own and Arizona was finally nearing the end of her hospital stay. She never knew that it would take this long but apparently if you don't cooperate with your psychiatrist you have to stay in longer. She was admitted for a month at first the day after she had come in and had been horrified when she learnt she would be watched all the time. When they had told her at first she had brushed it off, that was until she was stared at while she ate, which was also with plastic cutlery, it wasn't until she was stared at while talking to her parents, it wasn't until she was stared at while in the bathroom. That part had gotten to her. When she needed to use the restroom someone had to be in there and when she had to shower someone had to be in there. She had never allowed anyone to see her body. Her parents saw it when she was little but she's never gone swimming with friends or family, she's never worn revealing clothes, she's never had a girlfriend to be intimate with. Never has anyone ever seen her body so vulnerable and so on the first night she simply sat on the ground with the water cascading over her and tears running down her face. She didn't know it was going to be like this.

She had begun to open up. As much as she had resisted every attempt her counsellor had made, she had finally started to let her in. She knew that she would never leave the place and that maybe, just maybe, she could help her. She'd never thought of it before. She was always so convinced that she was beyond help. It wasn't until she was denied seeing Calliope did she realise there was a chance; there was a chance because someone cared. That was been knew. She'd never expected it, especially from someone she'd been so cruel to. During the sessions with her parents she hadn't really talked or listened, they had seemed uncomfortable in the situation and she knew that they would rather be at home than have to deal with this. They had only come for a few sessions and then she was back to being alone, much like she had been her whole life. The thoughts like that scared her because she knew that that was why she was currently where she was. She didn't blame anyone but herself for her; lack of friendships, lack of self confidence, lack of everything. She only blamed herself and that was also a problem that her psychiatrist had pointed out. This is by far the longest she had ever gone without self harm. She had tried punching herself and scratching herself but of course the eyes of the watchers had caught her and she had been strapped down. Not in a painful way though, just in a protective way. Arizona understood why they did it and she was sort of thankful, she didn't think she'd be able to stop, at least not on her own.

Because of her attempts at counselling the blonde was finally being allowed to go home. She had been allowed a day here and there to go home but never to stay and constantly supervised. She was nervous but the doctor had prescribed some drugs that would help calm her down and allow her to rest for most of the adjustment period. She would have 4 sessions of therapy a week and be required to write a diary but Arizona was finally going home. The last time she was there she was on the brink of death in the arms of both the girl who saved her and the girl she was sure she was falling in love with. She wasn't aware of her parent's therapy sessions and she was expecting them to behave exactly as they had before. So when her parents finally pulled up at their home and finished unpacking the car, she was confused when they politely asked if she would sit in the living room with them for a moment. Her room had been raided and bathroom too in order to remove anything that she could potentially use to harm herself but she was already aware of this and she didn't think her parent's thought she was that dense to need to hear it again. Slightly hesitant she made her way to sit on the lone arm chair while her parents sat close together on the lounge. She took in their expressions and compared to every other time she's ever looked at them, something was different. Not physically, but something was.

"Arizona, darling, we want to apologise.' The tears her mother's eyes seemed to catch her off guard as the wavering words flowed out of a mouth surrounded by barely visible wrinkles. She didn't understand, why was her mother apologising? And why were they both looking at her like they _meant _the apology? "Your mother and I are so sorry for being like we have. We just didn't know what to do. We just accepted that we'd lost you. After you tried to," her father coughs slightly in the middle of his heartfelt and long over due apology," you know, we knew we had to change, had to get help just like you, because we realised we aren't ready to lose you. Not now, not ever." Tears had gathered in all of their eyes and Arizona turned her head down towards her lap as she let his words sink in. Tears fell down her face and she began to cry uncontrollably. Her parents _cared._ Her parents were _trying_ for _her. _Although the feeling of hope and perhaps even happiness floated through her mind it was quickly erased with fear. What if she can't do this? Her parents seemed to sense her worry, call it paternal instinct, and moved to embrace their daughter gently. This helped ease the blonde's mind for the time being. She might not be able to do this, but she was going to try. She was going to try for Calliope, for her parents, but most importantly for herself.

The first week back had been the hardest part. The medication helped but Arizona found herself turning her room upside down to try and find anything to use to help the urge but her parents alternated between themselves in coming in and helping relax Arizona. They tried as hard as possible to stop the punches the blonde would land on herself and scratches. They cut her nails down fine with her consent of course and would sit in and watch her sleep, which was unknown to the blonde. Arizona appreciated that her parents didn't try to watch her in the bathroom or toilet. They had removed everything but cleaning materials however and this made the blonde feel small. She hadn't expected another symptom from the medication though which was some mood swings. When they would wear off she would sometimes get further depressed or even angry. It wasn't often but it concerned her. She would say hateful things to her parents but luckily they knew she didn't really mean anything that she was saying when she was upset. She had forgiven them and asked for forgiveness herself and it was odd but the sensation of her family like this gave her hope. Today was the day she was allowed her phone back, which was because it was also the day she would go back to school. The teachers had been informed of the incident and she was given privileges if any issues arose. She could care less about the teachers though, the only thing on her mind was Calliope. Her therapist said it would be better to not dive right back into the friendship, but to ease in as it would be better for them both. The blonde hadn't been able to talk to the brunette herself but her parents told her that the Latina had been committed and wouldn't let them keep her out of the loop so she was up to date and Arizona found herself relieved that she wouldn't have to explain every detail to her only friend.

Arriving at school Arizona found it harder to breathe. She knew it would take some getting use to but it was just getting out of the door that would be the major hurdle. Taking in the concerned but reassuring faces of her parents she took a deep breath to calm her nerves and exited the car with a tight lipped smile and farewell. Her parents remained where they were as they watched the blonde slowly stalk towards her school building. They were worried, they had always been but now they were willing to show it so they didn't even turn the ignition on until they no longer saw any sign of their daughter. Arizona held her arms in close, covered in a light cardigan and her legs clad in skinny jeans. Her scars were still visible, some not as much as others, so she was attempting to hide them. As fellow class mates bustled through the halls the blonde had to stop and lean against a wall to compose herself. Closing her eyes and taking a calming breathe she heard what was now her safety mechanism. "Arizona," it was said with a breath. The brunette saw her exit her car with her parents and waited. She didn't want to startle the blonde so she waited until she wasn't amidst the crowd and could talk to her relatively privately. Without even thinking Callie saw Arizona's eyes open and she leant in to connect their lips. She was about to recoil, horrified that she had put Arizona in that situation, when she felt the blonde reciprocate. They kept it light; familiarising themselves with each other and enjoying the exhilaration that came from such a simple act.

The pair didn't notice the few people staring at them, they didn't care. Callie silently asked permission to take Arizona's hand and was happily granted. The duo walked with interlocked fingers to their first class and Arizona had a knew sense of confidence. Calliope was willing to kiss her, claim her as hers, in front of everyone. She knew that her thoughts of Callie being like the rest of them were false but this just gave her most proof and when those demons inside her head would try to use that against her she would have some comfort. The teacher nodded almost unnoticeably at the couple when they walked in and they took a seat at the back. Once the rest of the class was finishing being seated Calliope leaned over and whispered something she had been longing to ask the blonde from the day she had noticed her in the back of her class. "Will you be my girlfriend?" instead of a verbal answer the brunette received a quick kiss and nod. Both breaking out into smiles Arizona continued, "I would have been yours from the first day you talked to me. I'm so so-" before she could continue another kiss was pressed to her lips. "Don't apologise Arizona. I'm just glad you're okay. I don't know what I would have done. Please just continue getting help. I'm here for you and your parents are too. Just, please, keep trying." The desperation in her voice and eyes brought the blonde to tears, quickly sniffling them away Arizona nodded yes and took Callie's hand under the desk as her first lesson back commenced.


End file.
