Harry Potter 1. the most perfect gurl, like, eva!

omg ish a new gurl hogwartz lol!!!!111oneoneone  
  
By: Mary-Sue Gurl 4 Lyf lolz (Real Author: Lilly Serenitia)  
  
Real A/N: This is a parody that I wrote out of pure boredom and hatred of Mary-Sues. Flames are appreciated, as the story will make you want to spork your eyes out. So (don't) enjoy! (This takes place during "The Sorcerer's Stone" I guess...)  
  
Fake A/N: omg enjoy teh ficcay! and remember, if i dont get over 99999999 revews saying how absilutly wonderfull mai storie is, i wont continu! no flamz, n definitly no flamin my charator bcuz shez perfect lolZ!  
  
chapter 1: the most perfect gurl, like, eva!  
  
okie 1nce there was a gurl namd Mariah Susan Sakura Raven Neko-chan Ailiayah Kiara Leanna Kathleen Abigail Yumi Hikari Riddle but well just call her Mary-Sue bcuz shez perfect n all that lolz. she wuz stuningly butiful with shinny silvar hair and glitterring blue eyz which changed with her mood bcuz thats just cool nd such she wuz part veelah even tho her parnts are muggels and such lyk that bcuz shez just so0 purfect. her muggel parnts wearnt realli her parents thay jest adoptid her bcuz no1 noz wat happnd 2 her reall parnts but they knu her last name wuz Riddle so thay cept it that wai. so 1 fine dai in her lyk, house, she wuz sitting on her PERFECT bed being PERFECT when a owl appered at her PERFECT windo n handed her a letter! teh owl wuz lyk happi bcuz Mary-Sue had teh powr 2 calm ne animel bcuz tatz a kewl powr n she wuz perfect so she had 2 hav it. ne wayz, Mary-Sue opend the letter and gaspd in saprize! "omg this is a letter 2 go to a witch n wizerd skool! omg thats so cool!" she showed teh ledder 2 her parents who were verie happie with her bcuz they new she wood do even better this skool then she did her reguler muggel skool bcuz Mary-Sue was verie smart and perfect and stuffz lolz. a few weakz bfore the term started Mary-Sue and her prents went shoping 4 all of her skool supplyz dyagon ally. Mary-Sue new all about teh leeky calldrin nd how 2 get into dyagon ally evn tho she was muggel born bcuz she just did bcuz shez perfict. she gotz all of her stuffz nd went in2 ollivandarz 2 get her wand. that wand dood gave her lotz of wonds 2 try but none of them workd. "ur a real tricky custimer, Mary-Sue" he sed 2 her, then gave her a wand that had layd fergoten in the bak of his shop 4 yrz. "hear try this ish an interisting conbinashin" he told her as she piked up teh wond. "give it a wav" so she did nd red sparkz flu in2 teh air. "omg" sed teh creapy wond dood. "this is so kewl bcuz that wond gave 2 other fethers 2 harry potter nd lord voldamortt omg u must b reall speshal 2 get this wond" Mary-Sue sed nothing even tho she knu she wuz speshal bcuz evry1 told her that bcuz she waz teh most perfect persin on erth. she left teh shop nd got teh wand 4 free bcuz dat wond dood liked her so much. outsid the shop her muther sed "ok Mary-Sue chek ur list 2 c if we mised ne thing" so she tuk out teh list nd looked it. "it sez hear that studints may bring a owl an cat or an toed exept 4 Mary-Sue she can get all 3 bcuz shz super speshal." her prents cheared bcuz thay weer so prowd of there dotter. she got all of her animels nd thei luved her bcuz well u kno shz jest perfict. septembir 1st came realli kwickly 4 Mary-Sue bcuz she wuz reall bisy getting 2 kno all of teh stufz in her nu skool textbuks nd stuff. wen she got 2 kingz croz stashin she alreddy knu how 2 get on2 platform 9 nd 3/4 bcuz she jest knu im not going 2 bother 2 explain it yah itz mai fic i can do wut i want hahaha on u lolz. so she got on teh trein nd sed goodbai 2 her prnts nd got on the trein. "hi Mary-Sue" sed sum dood. "we r going 2 make u a prifect bcuz ur so kewl nd i luv u will u go owt w/me" but Mary-Sue sed no nd she thretind 2 curse teh guy w/her wond so he went away crying. Mary-Sue got a compartmint 2 herself bcuz shz perfect nd evry1 wuz realli disapointid cuz thei all wanted 2 sit with Mary-Sue. wen teh trein arrivd hogwrts evry1 got off teh trein nd went in teh botz if dey were in 1st yr lyk Mary-Sue wuz she shared a boet with harry potter ron weezly hermynee grangar end nevil longbottem nd thei told her she wuz perfict and she wuz lyk "omg yah glad u agreey" nd then they reached teh cassle and Mary-Sue sed "wow thats almost as big as mai house home!! lolz" nd they went inside nd prafezzer mcgonigle wuz all lyk "u will get sorted in2 ur houzez after profezzer dumbeldoor mackz his annonsemint so thei went in2 teh grate hall nd lissined 2 proffezor dumbaldoor. "welcome 2 a nu yr hogwurtz im glad 2 c evry1 is bak nd reddy 2 lern. im plzed 2 announs that we hav a transfar studint 4rom amarica with us 2 day her name is Mary-Sue Riddle." "acshilly my full name is Mariah Susan Sakura Raven Neko-chan Ailiayah Kiara Leanna Kathleen Abigail Yumi Hikari Riddle" sed Mary-Sue. "ok" sed dumbeldoore. "ill ask her 2 pertend that she's jest lyk evry1 els nd try on teh sorting hat even tho we kno she duznt hav 2" he went on "u can go last after evry1 els ok?" Mary-Sue noded and wotchd evry1 else get sorted in2 theyre hous. but evry1 in the hall all had there eyz on only Mary-Sue bcuz they were fasinated bye her nd all of teh guyz thot she wuz lyk omg hawt. wen it wuz Mary-Sues turn she put teh hat on her hed nd it sed out lowd 2 teh whole hall "i c... ur mind is lyk so absilutely fabulis nd such lyk ur perfect nd u culd b in ne of teh houz bcuz omg u hav all of the good kwaliteez 4 teh houzes so u can chooz! " said teh hat. "omg lyk reely? ur lyk teh coolest hat!!" sed Mary-Sue. "i'd lik 2 b in griffindor" she sed nd went 2 sit down there tabel. evry1 teh griffindor tabel cheared reall lowd bcuz thei all lyk totilly luved Mary-Sue, but evry1 teh ravinclaw huffilpuff nd slitherin tablez all bood bcuz they wanted Mary-Sue 2 b there table in there houz. "ish okie im reallee sorri that i cant b w/u all i luv u all so much ill try 2 spend as much tym w/all of u as i possibely can!" evry1 cheared nd then the feest wuz ovr nd it wuz time 4 bed nd Mary-Sue wuz happi so hur ey coler changd 4rom blu 2 pink. Mary-Sue reallie luved lyf hogwrts bcuz all of teh techerz luved her nd told her she wuz the best student evr even profezor snap he sed that Mary-Sue shuld b in slitherin nd Mary-Sue made a lot of 4rends lyk harry potter nd ron nd hermynee nd draco malffoy nd uther pplz but teh guyz all had a crush on her but she didnt kno dat she wuz 2 bizy with teh werk nd stuffz but 1 daiy ther wuz this lyk notice thingy that sed there was kwidditch practise nd Mary-Sue sed she had ben practising kwidditch since she wuz a little gurl evn tho hr parints wur lyk muglez so wen the practise began nd stuff she wuz lyk the best 1 there but then the nevle dood feell offa hiz lyk brumstik nd tha kwiddich lady had 2 tak him 2 tha hospitlwing so wen she wuz gon malfoyy took tha nvle doods remembr ball thingy nd thru it into tha air. harry potter got on2 his broomstik nd flu in2 teh air, nd so did Mary-Sue. malfoly thru the remembery thingy and both harry and Mary-Sue tried 2 cetch it, but Mary-Sue got their first bcuz shez perfect kwiddich just lyk evrything else she duz jest then prefessor mcgonigle came owt of teh skool nd took harry nd Mary-Sue to this lyk clazrum where they met this boi dude nd then he wuz al lyk "omg" nd prefezer mcgonical wuz all lyk "omg" nd then she told tha dood that she found him a lyk sekker nd he wuz all lyk "omg yey whitch 1" nd then she sed "eether one" but tha guy chose Mary-Sue becuz "omg ur lyk so hawt lolz" but harry wuznt mad he wuz all lyk "ish okie ur lyk so much better then me newayz bezidez ur hawt like yah" so Mary-Sue became teh nu griffindor sekker nd lyk thay won all der gamz bcuz she cot teh snich lyk all teh time nd evry1 sed "yey" bcuz thei all luv Mary-Sue even if der not in griffindor so all wuz going well 4 Mary-Sue she even helpt harry, ron, nd hermynea rescu hegrids dragin namd norburt they took him 2 teh towr nd set him free but they wer cot by that janiter dood nd he took them 2 profeser micgonigl ne she wuz all lyk "omg u all are jerks i h8 u ur stoopid i never want 2 speek 2 u again u all get detenshin xcept Mary-Sue" so yah nd harry fownd this lyk unikorn w/blood nd it wuz lyk ded nd stuff nd he wuz all lyk "omg not kewl" so he told Mary-Sue nd she told them about teh sercererz stone thingy nd they all thot that snap wuz trying 2 steal teh ston but Mary-Sue thot it wuz perfezer kwirrl but she didnt tell them all bcuz she mite b rong nd Mary-Sue hatz 2 b rong bcuz shez purfict so they fownd out how 2 get past te fluffie dog guy w/teh muzik so then dumbeldoor wuz lyk gone bcuz he went 2 get Mary-Sue some stuff bzcuz he thot she wuz cool after all she had her own dormitorie w/lyk this kichen nd bathrum nd stuff that wuz pink bcuz that wuz Mary-Sues fav coler ne wayz harry, ron, her-my-knee nd Mary-Sue all had 2 get past teh trapdor but hermynea wuz all lyk "omg dis sux we hav no muZik 2 put it 2 slp omg wear gonna dye" but luckly Mary-Sue had her britney sperz cd so she put it on lyk yah nd fluffie dancd then want 2 slp so they went down teh trapdor nd stuff lyk yah yah Mary-Sue figgered owt how 2 get past da devil snere nd teh keyz teh chezbord nd ta poshins thingy w/da riddel yah yah. then ron nd her-my-o-nee sed "lyk omg well try 2 get dumeballdoor so u guyz can go stop snap like omg u guyz rok yah yah" so then harry nd Mary-Sue went into this room with teh mirrer nd stuff nd thr wuz kwirrel he wauz all lyk "omg i cant believe it omg omg omg omg omg omg" "i thot it wuz snap" sed harry "i knu it wuz u all along ha" sed Mary-Sue. "omg Mary-Sue ur awesom" sed harry "i cant beleev u lyk figgered it owt omg omg" then kwirrl tuk off his lyk turbin hat purple thingy nd showd the other syd of teh hed nd harry wuz all lyk "omg i cant beleeve its voldamordt" "i knu it all alung" sed Mary-Sue tryumphintly then she told harry that voldymord wuz her lyk daddy yah yah so then she got teh ston nd harry fanted nd then voldymord go bye bye!! lolz lolz lolz hahaha then thay wer lyk bak in teh huspitl wingg nd dumebleadrawer expland 2 them about teh stuff nd yah yah but by then it wuz lyk teh houz feasty thing yah so dombedor wuz all lyk "congrdlashins 2 slitherin but i have some last minuete pointz 2 awerd lyke yah 99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 ponts go 2 Mary-Sue for beeing purfect so lyk yah griffindor wins weee" Mary-Sue stod up nd sed "omg but thatz not fare i wannt evry1 2 win" "ok then evry1 wins nd Mary-Sue is just purfect yah yah yah" nd then skool wuz ovr so thei went on teh train nd had funn. THEE AND!! lolz lolz lolz!!!!!1111oneoneonetwothreefouromgalexihatesfour!!!11  
  
Real A/N: I sure hope that was as painful for you to read as it was for me to type! dies XX  
  
Fake A/N: omg i so hopd u lyked it!! omg i lyk lurv u all bcuz u red mai storie!! omg omg omg now u hav 2 revew bcuz thatz lyk wut kewl ppl do now yah yah yah omg revew or i wont write teh sekwel wher Mary-Sue goz in her 2nd yr nd solvz teh misterie about DA CHAMBR OF SEECRITZ!!! omg omg omgomgomgomgomg LOLZ!  
  
Real A/N #2: XX Shoot me now. shoots self 


	2. perfect MarySue lyk meets teh baslizk lo...

omg ish a new gurl hogwartz lol!!!!111oneoneone  
  
By: Mary-Sue Gurl 4 Lyf lolz (Real Author: Sunny Starburst/Lilly Serenitia)  
  
Real A/N: Yes, I decided to continue, because people wanted me to. OO;; I never thought this would actually turn out to be remotely funny. Well, (don't) enjoy this chapter! And I took one reviewer's advice about the random exclamation points. :D  
  
Fake A/N: omg i luv u reevewers lyk so much!!1one plz keep revewing bcuz i lyk lurve yaah! omg lyk lol u guyz just rok so0o much nd stuFf lyk OmG yAh plz reevew i still need 99999996 riviwz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111one  
  
chaptr 2: perfect Mary-Sue lyk meets teh baslizk lolz  
  
ok lyk it wuz teh summer! tym nd Mary-Sue wuz lyk doing her summer homwerk nd stuff lyk that so yah she wuz real kool but ther wuz a lot of hw so she wuz lyk stressd so hr ey coler changed 4rm wutever it wuz bfor 2 yellw nd than a owl came 2 her windo lyk agen ya nd she opend tha windo nd tha happi owl hand her a ledder n she opnd it and sed "omg lyk its from that dood lyk with teh red hare lyk omg lol" so Mary-Sue went 2 stey with teh weezleez at tha burow. it wuz funn nd then thay had 2 go 2 dygon allie 2 get tha sipliz 4 skul yah yah so thy travld bye flu powdar Mary-Sue wuz reall good at it she did it prefictly nd didnt evn get durty n they went 2 flurish n blotz 2 get gelderoi lokhartz buks nd he waz all lyk "omg its Mary-Sue 2gethr u nd i macke ta front pg" so tha newspapr dood lyk took there piksher ya ya. then a hole bunch of oter stuf hapnd butt i dunt hav 2 esplan it 2 u becaz im teh athress ha ha ha on u lol bet ur jealus so they went on teh trein nd stuff Mary-Sue got a compertmint 2 herself! agin cuz shs purfiectly perficly PERFICT! so teh ppl wer lyk "omg kno u hav 2 sit w/me" but she didnt bcuz shez 2 perfict 4 ne 1 in teh wrld lyk yah. ne wai, teh tran ryd wuz preti un-evintfull Mary-Sue just ate lotz of sweet butt she didnt get fat becus she nvr duz!!!11 so then they were at skool but Mary-Sue being tha observitiv persin she is notisd that ron an harry wernt there "omg" she sed "this is lyk bad bcus thear mai 4renz" so she fond them at tha wumping wilo nd she sed "stop herting mai 4frns" to it nd it wuz lyk "omg im so sorri" nd it stopd "that wuz so lyk kewl" sed! harry so they went insyd but thay fond snap he wuz al lyk "omg u wrnt on teh traiN!!1one com w/me ur going 2 b expalld not u Mary-Sue ur perfect" so thay went 2 tha dunjins wher thay met prFeSor mcgonigall n dombelldoor 2 thay both seemd realli mad "u wer ceen" sed snap poenting 2 a newspapr "omg"sed harry n ron "itts luckey dat Mary-Sue save u 4rm da trEe" sed dumbellllllllldoreeeee "aftr all shes preftic" so harry n ron got detenshin but not Mary-Sue yay but Mary-Sue wuz glad tha her 4rands did not get ixpelld bcuz she ish lyk verie kindharted so next day ron got a howly red ledder she took it owtsid n oped it hurslef so no1 inthahall wood here it n evry1 cheard wen she got bak in "yay Mary-Sue we luv u omg i rymd" they! sed neway that afternun they had there 1st lesin w/perfeser lokhart he wuz all lyk "omg" nd he set teh pixxy farees loos but Mary-Sue put dem all bak in2 ta caje n got 10000 poynts 4 griffindorr then wen evry1 wuz practisin kwidich drako melfoi calld harmaiinee a mudblud so ron tryed to curse!! him but sinse ron had a bad wond it backfird nd he startd throwing up sluggs but Mary-Sue nu how 2 reverz teh spel so evry1 cheared even teh slitherins cuz thay all luv Mary-Sue lyk u alreddy no lololz!!one then Mary-Sue decyd 2 go w/harry 2 his dedenshin at lokharts offis wher he wuz anserin fan mal then harry n Mary-Sue herd a werd voyc dat wus mooving thru teh wallz n they wear lyk "omg" but lokhard didnt here it neether did ron and hermynee but thay saw misses nors she was pertifyd tha janiter dood wuz all lyk "omg dis is lyk so no kewl" "i kno how 2 do a spel that revers it!" yeld Mary-Sue. "sorry sed dumdor "we hav 2 ask u to pretend to b at the sam levl as evry1 else evn tho ur perfict we can restor teh kitty w/a mandrack drot thingy" tha nex dai ther wuz a kwiddich mach n harry wuz al lyk "omg i wish i wuz on teh teem i luv kwidich i want 2 beet melfoi" so Mary-Sue felt sorri 4 him she wantd evry1 2 b hapie so she sed "u can plai 4 me 2dai ur a gud sekker ill just wotch u" "r u shur" askd harry "yah" so harry plaid insted of Mary-Sue he won teh game but brok his arm bcuz of a rog bluger "omg im so sorri let me mend u arm" sed Mary-Sue but lukhert got thur 1st n he acidently remoovd ten bonz from harrys arm so he went 2 the hospitl wing "omg that sux" sed Mary-Sue "yah lyk i kno" sed harry then thay fond owt that collin crevvie had been pertifyd 2 "lyk omg it must b teh chambr of seecrits" sed Mary-Sue "i think ur write" sed dumbeldory "i think melfoi opnd teh chamberr" sed harry n ron n hermienee agred. Mary-Sue thot it wuz some1 else but she didnt sey ne ting bcuz az u no bye now Mary-Sue hatees 2 b!! rong lolz so Mary-Sue sigjested that thay mak a pollyjoose poshin 2 turn in2 1 of the slithirins so as 2 kweschin malfoi n find owt if he wuz teh calpritt so they got teh stuffs to mak teh poshin n made it in moning mertel's bathrum bcuz no1 evr went in theyre cuz mertel wuz lyk annoing so there was this dooling club thingy that evry1 went 2 n harry n malfoy were lyk dooling duh but malfoiy mad this lyk snak come out of his wond n harry sed sumthing in snak langwige n teh snak moovd tord this lyk huffpuff dood so Mary-Sue told teh snakee 2 stop in snake langwij so evry1 in huffpuff n ravinclow an slithrin thot that harry opnd teh chamber nd that Mary-Sue waz a heroe of courz wen the hufflpuff dood guy wuz attakd but bye then tha poshin wuz reddy n harry turnd in2 goil n ron turnd in2 crab n hermynee turnd in2 sum slithrin chik but Mary-Sue culd go as hurslef cuz evry1 in slithrin luvd her yah. so thy askd malfoi kweshchins n fond owt that he didnt kno who opned teh chambir of screets. but they went back 2 tha bathroom 2 tell hermywatshername about teh 411 thay fond owt but she got turnd in2 a kitty kat i dunno y so Mary-Sue usd a supa compilkated spel 2 turn her bak. a few dayz l8er Mary-Sue fond this lyk omg secret dairy that sed tom riddle on it n she wuz lyk "omg thats my last nam" so she wrot in it "my name is Mary-Sue" n then it wrot bak 2 her "hello mary-sue ur hot" then she wrot "omg capiltliz my name cuz im speshal" then it wrot "ok" so ta dairy dood wuz lyk omg showd her that hegryd opnd teh chamber so yah she told harry run n hermyionaeee then gildaroiy lokckhart had this lyk valantitynz dai celabrashin partay thingy nd Mary-Sue got vanalitinz 4from evry boi in teh skoll lyk yah.but than thay discovrd that hrminny had ben attakd thay wear lyk "omgomgomgomgomgomgomg no" so they went 2 hargids n that minista dood said lyk "omg u have 2 go 2 azakibin" so hargarid went thurr yo yo n told Mary-Sue!, harry and ron 2 go in2 teh forst n follw spyders so thay did but they met argag he wuz lyk dis big gaint spidr hoo wuz all lyk "omg ish Mary-Sue" n he espland all teh stuff abowt how hagid wuz innisent n teh girl who dyd last tym teh chambur wuz opind dyed in a bafroom n stuf but ten he sed "omg i have 2 eat u guyz cuz i hav lyk this hole big famly n we need 2 eat" "i understind" sed Mary-Sue "but plz dunt eat mai 4ends" but argig woodnt lissen "dont worry i wont eat u Mary-Sue but oh well"n his famly trid 2 get harry n ronn but lukcly Mary-Sue fond teh car that harry n ron flu 2 hogwertz n thay escappd just in tym omg tatz so0ooo00ooo amazing!!!1!!1!!1!!111!! than thay got bak n Mary-Sue siggested that the persin who dyed lasd tym neva left tha bafrum - monning mertal! so thay wer goin 2 go ask her how she dyd but thay wer cot by mgongal so thay had 2 go 2 teh hospal wing 2 visit herminny n then Mary-Sue sed that tha monsir in teh chamburr wuz lyk a bazlisc cuz onle her n harry culd here it cuz dey were perseltungz yah yah so tay went 2 teh bathdroom n entrd teh chamber lyk yah but ron got trapt behind sum rox n stuff so onlee harry n Mary-Sue got 2 go on thay saw teh dairy on tha floor neer ronns sistr jinny "omg" sed Mary-Sue. "we hav 2 sav her" "yah" sed harrie so thay fond tom riddle he wuz lyk "omg u guyz r stoopid... well not mary-sue shes my dotter ya ya" "capitalyz mai name!!!111111" yelld Mary-Sue but then tom calld teh basliszkk n then dumebaldore sent teh sorting hat n fawks teh pheenicks Mary-Sue put the sortin! hat on her hed n got a sword n usd it 2 kill teh baslisk (The real author is currently banging her head on her desk right now, as she has an unhealthy obsession with basilisks. Thank you, and let's get back to the fic, even though I know you don't want to. Wee.) n harry wuz lyk "omg" n tom-riddle-valdymord-dood wuz lyk "omgomgomgomg" so yah then Mary-Sue stabd the dairy w/teh baslik fang n tom riddel-dood disapered n jinny woke up then thay left teh chambeur n all teh pretified ppl woke up n dumbeldore gave Mary-Sue infinty points 2 her houz but of courz she wanted evry1 2 win so yah. "omg i luv u all" she sed n she got an award 4 specshal servisis 2 teh skool wich was all BIG n SHINY omg lolz shiny stuffs rule u omg lol n Mary-Sue (who carz about evry1 els) livs happly eva aftir. TEE AND!!   
  
Real A/N: The author is currently dead and cannot make anymore comments about this monstrosity that is a Mary-Sue fic. We apologize for the delay. Thank you and good night.  
  
Fake A/N: omgomgomgomg i lyk luv u now REEVEWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111oneonehundredeleven 


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