Expendables, Losers 1. Handfuls

A/N: Hey there everyone! For those of you who have read 'The Kids Are Alright' and who have been keeping up with 'Life of a Mercenary', this is the series of one-shots looking into the childhood and lives of Skylar Christmas and Jake Jensen, called Growing Pains! This first chapter is pretty short because it's really just a test and a small taste, showing what it is I'm trying to get across with these one-shots. The next chapters I update on here will more than likely be much longer than this especially since some of the things I want to touch on will have to be written in certain parts. Also if this series of one-shot goes well, I think I might also write another one to focus on the Losers explicitly, because I just love them. It would probably touch upon how the Losers were formed, different missions, their bonding, etc. But tell me what you guys think of this one! And if you have any ideas as to what you want to see on here, feel free to review or message me with your ideas! I'd love to hear them!

Full Summary: No one ever said having kids was easy. Especially not when the two kids in question are Jake Jensen—certified genius, motor-mouth, and son of 'the Viking', Gunnar Jensen—and Sky Christmas—sarcastic, determined, and daughter of 'Knives Out', Lee Christmas. Throw these two kids together in a house full of mercenaries as guardians and you're in for fun ride. Follow these two kids as they move through life kicking ass, taking names, and getting into a bit of trouble along the way.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Expendables or the Losers, just my OC, Sky.

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Growing Pains

_New Orleans, Louisiana_

_July 14__th__, 1997_

It was a mystery to him. He had no idea how things had changed so much in such a short amount of time. Barney had gotten used to having Sky around. She'd been with them for around a year, so he definitely found time to adjust. He had cut down on the excessive drinking and smoking cigars indoors. He had cut down on the one-night stands and whenever he did have one, he made sure it was at her place or a motel. Tool still hadn't cut down on his women of the night, but whenever he found himself a new girl, either he or Lee would take her on a 'field trip' to go to the park, the movies, or to eat ice cream. Sky never knew what Tool was up to and she got treats out of the deal, so she was always excited for a field trip. And Lee had morphed into the image of a doting father. He'd cut down almost entirely on one-night stands and drank less frequently. He would buy Sky new clothes and toys, spend time making healthy meals for her, and he made sure that there were rules in place to teach her discipline. He showered her with attention and affection—and Barney and Tool were pretty big on spoiling the small brunette as well.

And Sky was a really good kid. She was quiet most of the time, just keeping her comments to herself and watching everything around her. Often times, Barney could practically see the gears turning in her head. She loved running around and she liked learning new things. She had her small tantrums and her moments where she tried their patience, but those moments were far and few between. Overall she was a great kid and he'd adjusted to all her tendencies.

And then just two weeks ago Gunnar Jensen joined the Expendables, bringing along his seven year old son, Jake Jensen.

Barney hadn't known the kid for long, but he didn't need to in order to realize that Jake was the exact opposite of Sky. Where she was quiet and liked to observe, he was loud and always chattering on about anything and everything that popped into his mind. It was like he ran on an endless supply of energy and had no brain to mouth filter. Sometimes the quirk was endearing, but more often than not it would try the Italian's patience to critical levels. And the small boy was _smart._ Now, Sky was smart and intelligent for a girl her age, but Jake was so smart it was almost _scary_. He was quick-witted, fast to point out flaws in logic he saw, and he knew things that Barney was _sure_ seven year olds didn't learn in elementary school. If he had to guess, the Italian would say that Jake inherited his genius intellect from his father.

And Gunnar absolutely loved it. He always encouraged Jake to ask questions and reason out problems. But in certain instances—like three days ago when Jake pointed out quite loudly that they only got to go on field trips whenever 'Uncle Tool' brought home a lady-friend before asking why—Barney wished the Swedish man encouraged the small blonde to keep his mouth shut in some situations. He and Lee had floundered for an answer with that one, especially when Sky nodded her agreement and looked up with wide eyes to ask why Tool had so many lady-friends.

But Jake wasn't a bad kid. From what the Italian saw, Jake was an awesome kid. He was funny, sweet as could be, and he was very caring. He was fun to talk to—since he _always_ had a response for something, even if it was some weird sort of logic—and it was absolutely adorable watching Sky follow him around anywhere he went. For some reason, whenever Jake arrived, Sky had taken an immediate liking to him. It might have been because she'd never had people her age around her, but for whatever reason she would trail after him wherever he went. And she often ended up the person that he talked to most, since she was always around. It was easy to see that they were going to be extremely close in the future, and watching them together warmed his heart. It brought a bit of color to the bleak life full of death and despair he'd lived for so long.

But despite how colorful and bright they made his life he couldn't forget the fact that they were a _handful._

Sky hadn't been one to get into much trouble on her own, but with Jake there poking and prodding her into different situations, convincing her to go through with his plans and ideas… they'd become a mischievous duo. And that was how he found himself in his current situation, standing in the front room of the tattoo shop with the two mud-stained children, making sure they didn't move anywhere. Gunnar and Lee had gone off to go get towels to wrap the two up so they didn't track any more mud into the shop and Tool was in the middle of doing a tattoo, so it was up to him to watch the two kids. Sky was looking guiltily at her feet, standing slightly behind Jake who didn't look even the slightest bit apologetic. He just stood there with a toothy grin, itching at a patch of dried up mud on his neck.

"So… tell me again what you kids were doing?"

"We were playing pirates!" Jake beamed proudly. "We just kinda fell in the mud puddle!"

"There's no grass or dirt in the alley, where would there be a mud puddle?" Barney pointed out.

"There's dirt in the back lot of the café three stores down! Mr. and Mrs. Thibodeaux let us play back there and even gave us some of their cookies!" Jake explained, reaching back to tug on Sky's sleeve slightly, smiling at her before looking back up at the Italian and puffing out his chest in pride. "We took out the entire fleet of British forces trying to take us in for piracy!"

Again, Barney was reminded that Jake was way too smart. Using historical references while playing pretend couldn't be normal.

"Who said you two could go to the café?" Barney challenged looking at them.

"Dad and Lee said we could play outside," the blonde replied with a small shrug. "The café is outside."

Kid was a smartass.

Barney counted to ten in his head to keep from replying with a smart comment of his own—he would _not_ be riled up by a seven year old—before he turned to look at Sky, sending her a serious look. Almost immediately her cheeks heated up, without him having to say anything. "Sky, you know the rules. What are they?"

"No going away from the shop or garage without one of you," she recited.

"That's right," he agreed. "And Jake, you might not know these rules since you haven't been here long, but Sky does. So there's no excuse as to why you both broke the rule."

"But Mr. and Mrs. Thibodeaux are really nice," Jake pointed out.

"Doesn't matter kid," Barney said with a shake of his head. "A lot of people can seem nice, but they might not be. We're going to have to give you a rundown of the rules, just like we did to Sky, got it?"

Jake pouted.

"Alright you two, don't move!" Lee called out as he and Gunnar walked back over to the kids with large towels in their arms. The knife thrower swooped in and wrapped his daughter up in the towel, lifting her up into his arms and wrapping her up like a burrito. Her laughter bubbled up and filled the air while Gunnar crouched down in front of his son and held the towel out wide.

"Big arms," Gunnar ordered. Immediately, Jake opened his arms wide and launched himself at his father, getting engulfed in the large towel so it was nearly impossible to see his face. Gunnar smiled at his son and lifted him up into his arms before looking to the Italian and smiling. "Thanks for making sure he didn't run off anywhere."

"Not a problem," Barney replied easily.

"We're going to give these two munchkins a bath," Lee replied bouncing Sky slightly in his arms, smearing off a bit of mud on her cheek. "Then we're going to talk about the rules again."

"No rules!" Jake cheered as he wrangled his arm out of the towel. He pumped his fist in the air and grinned. "Anarchy!"

"What's anarchy?" Sky questioned as the two fathers shared exasperated looks and started walking off, ignoring the chuckles coming from Tool and the biker he was tattooing. Gunnar had just started explaining his most simplified definition of anarchy by the time they were in the lift heading upstairs.

"Having those two kids around is bound to be interesting," Tool grinned, looking up at the Italian briefly.

Barney reached for his cigar, before heading towards the door. "You got that right. I said it before and I'll say it again: those two are going to be a handful together."


	2. Cats

A/N: Hey guys, I'm sorry for not updating in a while. It hasn't been for lack of time, this time around, but it's been because I've been having a tough time getting out a chapter I'm actually _happy_ with. For this chapter, I wanted to tackle an idea that actually related to Jake, and it took me a few attempts before I came up with this chapter. It is cute and it helped me get out of my rut, but for my chapter in 'Life of a Mercenary', I'm still not one-hundred percent on it. I've written and rewritten it at least twice before trying to combine my two ideas, which is marginally better, but not where I want it to be at, yet. But, I'm not going to keep any of you guys waiting, so I'll be working on it tomorrow morning and afternoon and hopefully it should be posted by tomorrow night. I need to just get past this part anyway. Well, enough of my babbling! I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Expendables or the Losers, just my OC, Sky.

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Growing Pains

_New Orleans, Louisiana_

_July 24__th__, 1997_

Jake was absolutely bored out of his skull. He hadn't been so bored in his life! He was stuck in the room he and his dad shared with nothing to do and no one to talk to. Sky was with Lee getting her enrolled for her first year in Kindergarten and his dad had gone to Jake's old school to get all his paperwork so he could transfer to the same elementary school Sky was going to be attending. Barney was out buying stuff for the 'ancient flying metal deathtrap of a plane' Lee talked about a lot. Tool was busy working downstairs in the shop, so Jake was pretty much all alone and extremely bored. And a bored Jake Jensen was a mischievous Jake Jensen.

He spent a few more minutes just staring at the ceiling before he got up from his bed and started walking down the stairs. He watched Tool greeting customers even as he worked on some guy's skull tattoo for a few seconds before he got bored. He walked into the kitchen and poked around, looking for anything he could snack on. After a few futile seconds of opening and closing the refrigerator—hoping his Pizza Lunchables would magically reappear despite the fact that he and Sky finished them yesterday—he gave up on a snack and instead kept wandering around.

Jake hated it when there was nothing to do. He could never sit still and he could never keep his mind on just one thing. He would buzz around from topic to topic in his head, never sure when one thought started and another stopped. It was one of the reasons why his dad always made sure he was around most times so that he could keep him engaged and let his babble out. And whenever he wasn't there—and he was stuck being babysat by Mrs. Jenkins—he'd always leave plenty of games, puzzles, and riddles for him to keep his mind occupied. But now he was just forced to keep himself busy, and with his body buzzing and his mind racing, he had to do something active before he went nuts.

"What to do…? I can't mess around in the garage," he muttered under his breath as he walked through the very room he was talking about. He knew better than to touch anything in there. He had gotten the 'rules' lecture just a few weeks ago and he had memorized it. Rule #6: Don't play in the garage or touch anything without an adult. And he wasn't going to get his dessert privileges taken away again. So he stayed away from all the heavy machinery.

Instead he wandered out towards the door that led to the alleyway between the two buildings Tool owned. He _was_ allowed to play there as long as there was someone nearby and he went inside the second he saw a hint of trouble. So he pushed the door and stepped into the alley, looking back and forth for anything interesting he could do. It took him only a few seconds to realize that there was nothing to hold his interest—and why should he have thought any different? It was an alley after all.

Blowing out a puff of air he frowned and started to turn back when he heard a scratching noise. He whirled back around and listened carefully, trying to find out where the sound was coming from. "Who's there?" He asked, trying to sound brave, but even to his own ears it sounded more than a little lame. The scratching sound got louder and he could finally pinpoint the source to the row of garbage cans. He frowned and strained his eyes, trying to see what was making the noise before he saw a black puff appear from behind the cans. He blinked in surprise and took a step closer, finally making out the black puff as a small black kitten.

A large smile stretched across his lips. He had always wanted a kitten. He always thought they were so cool and ninja like. They would be awesome pets. So he moved closer to the small kitten, taking care to move as slowly as possible. "Hey there little guy… or girl… I guess since I don't know what you are, it's really rude to assume. So… hey you," Jake said.

The kitten immediately looked his way, its big green eyes locked onto his. Jake made sure he didn't move a muscle, trying not to frighten the small animal. "Hey buddy… you're really cute. You wanna come and play?" The kitten tilted its head to the side in what looked like curiosity. "Hm… maybe you're hungry…" the small blonde thought to himself. "Stay right there alright? I'll see if I can find some milk!" Jake backed away slowly and took off into the garage after the cat was out of sight. He ran over to the kitchen and opened up the fridge, grabbing the gallon of milk and yanking it out. He placed it onto the counter before dragging over a chair from the kitchen table to the cabinets. He climbed up onto the chair and onto the counter to open up one of the cabinets, reaching in for a dish.

"Jake, what in the world are you doing up there?"

Jake jumped and nearly toppled off the counter, but thankfully hands grabbed him before he fell. Once he was steadied on the counter he looked over his shoulder and saw Tool behind him with a raised eyebrow. "So kid, what are you up to?"

"Uh…" Jake muttered, trying to come up with a good excuse for what he was doing. He didn't want to tell Tool about the cat yet. Not until he got the cat to warm up to him. So he racked his brain, trying to come with some excuse before spewing out the first thing that came to mind. "I'm… making cereal…?"

"Making cereal?" Tool repeated with a raised eyebrow, clearly not convinced.

"Yup… making cereal," Jake replied plastering on a large smile that normally got him out of most situations.

Tool stared at him for a few seconds, and Jake felt panic fill him. He was going to get caught. Tool somehow already knew what was going on and what he was doing. There was no way he couldn't know. But before Jake knew it, Tool was pulling him off the counter and lowering him onto the ground. The tattoo artist reached into the cabinet and pulled out a dish and placed it on the counter. "Alright, enjoy your cereal. Next time, just remember to ask for help," the man advised as he walked over to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle. "My appointment is going to stretch on a little longer than usual. This guy is like a flower. Crying with every little thing. Be good until then or until your dad gets home, alright? He should be showing up soon."

"Yes sir!" Jake assured, bobbing his head enthusiastically.

"Alright, stay out of trouble," Tool ordered before heading into the shop again.

Jake sighed in relief, knowing he was in the clear for the moment, before he grabbed the milk and poured it into the dish. For a few horrifying seconds he felt like the gallon was going to slip from his hands, but thankfully nothing so drastic happened. A bit of milk splashed out of the dish, but it wasn't a large spill and he quickly capped it before waddling back to the fridge and placing the milk back inside.

He made a mental note to clean up the spill before he grabbed the dish carefully and made his way out to the alley again. The second he was past the door he slowed down and moved towards the garbage cans cautiously, hoping the small kitten was still there. Peering around the corner he saw the small black puff of fur still behind the cans, its green eyes peering at him intently. "Hey there buddy, I brought some milk for you. It's got calcium and other stuff that's good for you. Well... good for me. I'm not sure if the same things apply to cats," Jake babbled even as he put the dish down in front of the small kitten. The kitten tensed slightly seeing him reach forward, so Jake quickly backed away and sat down on the ground, watching the small fur ball. It took a few minutes of waiting before the kitten walked slowly over to the dish.

It sniffed the dish, its small nose twitching slightly before its pink tongue darted out, lapping at the milk hungrily. "Aw you were hungry, weren't you little buddy?" Jake smiled. He sat and watched the cat drinking up the milk, just studying the small creature. It was extremely cute with small paws and a tail twitching back and forth in content. He wasn't really sure how long he was sitting there, but eventually the kitten had finished off the dish of milk, licking its nose where some milk was matting its fur. Once cleaning itself, the small kitten looked up at Jake, prowling forward slightly.

Jake blinked in surprise as the small kitten started advancing towards him. "U-Uh… hey buddy. Why are ya walking towards me? Do you want more milk?"

The kitten continued to prowl towards him, its moves graceful and slow. When it was within reaching distance from Jake, he started to feel apprehensive. And at that moment, he remembered the superstition about black cats being bad luck. What if the kitten was going to give him bad luck? What if the small kitten was some sort of witch cat and he'd get spelled for taking it in? A wide range of wild scenarios filled his mind, none of them pleasant. Almost immediately he jumped to his feet and started backing up towards the door to the garage. The kitten, however, followed his every move. "Uh… good kitty. Stay kitty… don't curse nice Jake with bad luck…" he muttered, trying to maintain his cool. It would be okay. He would not get cursed by the kitten. It would be all good.

The kitten meowed.

Jake screamed and turned tail, running inside the garage and hoping that the small creature wasn't following him. He didn't bother to turn back around to check if he was being pursued, but he had his eyes clenched tightly, which in hindsight, probably wasn't smart when running through a garage. Before he could crash into any of the workbenches or equipment, he plowed into someone's legs. He went to open his eyes, but he was immediately lifted up by his arms and passed over to someone else. "Jake, what's going on?"

Jake blinked his eyes open and looked up to see his father standing in front of him defensively with Lee on his other side and Tool holding onto him while Sky was holding onto Tool's legs, peeking out in slight fear. "Who was chasing you?" Lee demanded, scanning the garage with his knife already out.

"Why'd you scream kid?" Tool asked worriedly.

Jake blinked, wondering when everyone had arrived in the garage, before he heard it; the low and threatening sound emanating from the vocal cords of the small beast. "T-That!" He shouted dramatically, pointing towards the ground where the small kitten was standing in front of the mercenaries, its head tilted to the side in confusion. It let out another meow and Jake tensed. Sky, on the other hand, beamed.

"A kitty!" She cheered, moving past the three men.

Jake's eyes widened in horror. She was moving towards the beast without any idea what sort of danger she was walking into. "Sky, no! The kitten will curse you with bad luck and tell its witch masters to cast a horrible spell on you!"

Had Jake not been so worried about the small brunette, he would've noticed the shared looks of exasperation from all three men in the garage.

"Nuh-uh!" Sky retorted as she crouched down by the kitten and reached forward to start scratching behind its ears. Almost immediately the kitten began purring and leaned into her hand. Sky beamed and scooped the kitten up gently and held it in her lap, petting the small creature before smiling up at the small blonde boy who was watching in surprise and slight embarrassment. "See? He just wants to be pet!"

Jake felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment as his father shot him a look.

"I'm gonna call him Midnight! Can we keep him daddy?" Sky asked looking up at her father with pleading brown eyes. She even held up the small kitten to her face, the creature licking her cheek, which just added to the cuteness factor. "See daddy? Midnight likes me! Please, can we keep him?"

Lee sighed and crouched down to his daughter's level. "I'm sorry sweetheart, we can't keep him." When she started pouting and quivering her lower lip, Lee gave a reassuring smile. "But, why don't you and I go down to see Mr. and Mrs. Thibodeaux? Mrs. Thibodeaux loves cats and I'm sure she'll be happy to have Midnight. And if you ask nicely, she might let you go and play with Midnight whenever you want."

Sky frowned and thought it over before she found the compromise acceptable. She nodded eagerly and got to her feet, still clutching Midnight in her hands. She looked up at Jake and held the small animal out to him with a grin on her face. "Do you wanna pet him, Jake?"

Jake narrowed his eyes at the small kitten. The small creature had caused him to look silly in front of his dad, Lee, and Tool. And that was _after_ he had _fed_ the kitten! He shook his head at Sky and she just shrugged before running off with her father. As soon as the two were out of the room, Gunnar turned around and looked at his son with a raised eyebrow. "So, what was all that about?"

"…I hate cats."


	3. Halloween Scares

A/N: Hey guys, I'm sorry for not updating in a while. I know I'm a bit late for this chapter seeing as it's Halloween themed, but at the time that I had started this (on Halloween day), I had been drafted into going trick-or-treating with my younger brother. And walking around for about an hour in boots—that I can assure you were _not_ made for comfort—in the cold essentially zapped all energy I had for actually finishing this chapter. But I've actually been working on it over a few months, trying to get it just right. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Anyway I hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Expendables or the Losers, just my OC, Sky.

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Growing Pains

_New Orleans, Louisiana_

_October 31__st__, 1997_

Lee Christmas wasn't sure what he should be more worried about; the fact that he and Barney had to go meet with a client regarding a dangerous job in the Polynesian Islands or the fact that tonight was Halloween and Jake and Sky would be going trick-or-treating with only Tool and Gunnar. Honestly it was a toss-up. It wasn't that he didn't _trust_ the two men to look after his daughter. It was that he _knew_ better than to think they'd be able to look after his daughter without something going wrong. He wasn't stupid, not at all. In fact he was quite an observant person, which came in handy in his line of work. And over the few months since Gunnar and Jake joined them, he'd observed a few key things.

First, Tool was a loving uncle figure to both children. It was clear that he absolutely adored the two children, but he wasn't the best babysitter. He would let the kids slide on most things and he let them do whatever they wanted if they asked with enough pouting and eyelash batting. Secondly, Gunnar was a fair and loving parent. He would make sure that the two kids were doing what they were supposed to be doing and though he'd allow a little wiggle room within the rules, if something was serious, he'd put his foot down. And lastly, Jake was good at convincing Sky to break rules. The small blonde was a handful and he was slowly corrupting his precious little angel. Not that he had anything against Jake. He loved the kid, but having to keep giving reminders and punishments when rules were broken was a pain.

"Daddy! Daddy! Look!"

Lee snapped out of his thoughts and looked down in time to see his daughter running up to him with a large smile on her face. Her hair was in two braids on either side of her head and she had a black knee-length dress with white and black leggings. There were black boots on her feet and her nails were painted a black color. But still she was smiling brightly, completely contrasting the dark color she was wearing. "I'm Wednesday Addams!" She announced proudly, holding onto her black pillow case in her hand.

"You can't be happy!" Jake cried out in dismay, running over to her. He had his light blonde hair covered in temporary spray die to make it look black and he was wearing a black and white striped shirt, black shorts, black socks and black sneakers. "Wednesday is never happy unless she's killing someone or something!"

"Let me guess," Barney spoke up in amusement from his spot on the couch, getting ready for their meeting. "You're Pugsley?"

Jake immediately beamed, nodding vigorously. "Yup! We came up with the idea like _weeks_ ago! It was totally better than the _Incredibles _idea that Joey Barton thought up! And dad even decided to dress up!"

Lee raised an eyebrow. "Your father decided to dress up? As what?"

Jake grinned. "DAD!"

"You rang?"

Lee had to bite his tongue to keep from laughing as 'The Viking' Gunnar Jensen walked out from the back room, dressed up in black suit, black bowtie with his hair hanging over his forehead and his face covered in white and black make-up to make his face look angular and sickly. It was almost surprising how much Gunnar actually looked like Lurch, but the surprise that Lee felt was soon overwhelmed by amusement. He tried everything he could to keep a straight face, but to no avail. The glare that Gunnar tossed him made it apparent that the blonde noticed. "That's a pretty good costume," Lee commented, just barely restraining a laugh.

"What are you smiling at Uncle Fester?" Gunnar retorted without missing a beat.

Lee glared.

Sky however, whirled around to look at her father with a large smile appearing on her face. "Are you going to be dressing up with us too daddy?"

"You'd make a good Uncle Fester!" Jake added on looking at him with big blue eyes.

The knife thrower noticed Gunnar smirking and made a mental note to say some not so nice words to the genius when the kids weren't in hearing range. "Sorry kiddos," Barney spoke up, getting to his feet and grabbing his jacket. "Lee and I are going to go for a job meeting. Tool and Gunnar are going to take you."

The little girl looked down, her smile disappearing from her face. Lee was quick to fix that. He immediately knelt down and grabbed onto his daughter's shoulders, smiling at her softly. "They're going to take you around to all the houses in the neighborhood and make sure you have a fun time. But, you and Jake have a mission, alright?" Almost immediately, she perked up and Jake quickly rushed over.

"We have a mission? Like a mission-mission? What kind of mission? What is it? Do we get to—"

_"Jake,"_ Gunnar cut in, succeeding in quieting his son.

Lee smiled at the boy and removed one of the hands from Sky's shoulder's to rest on his. "Your mission is to get as much candy as you possibly can and to be very brave. Don't let anything scare you out there tonight, alright?"

"Yes sir!" The two kids chorused. Jake puffed his chest out. "I won't let anything scare me or Sky!"

"Atta boy," the British man smiled, reaching up to ruffle the boy's hair, only to feel how stiff it was with the dye and get a bit of the color on his hand. He ignored it for the moment and stood up. "Now, you two listen to Gunnar and Tool, got it?" They nodded enthusiastically. "Good… now where is he?"

"Back here," Tool called out, walking in from the back room. There wasn't anything different about his attire, except for the fact that he had a black leather jacket and he was holding two smaller black jackets in his hands. "I was just grabbing your jackets just in case you guys get cold."

"You're not dressing up, Tool?" Barney asked with a small smile on his face.

"The only dressing up I do is in the bedroom."

Almost immediately, Lee, Gunnar, and Barney all sent the tattoo artist fierce glares. Tool winced and realized his mistake as soon as he saw Jake and Sky look his way, their big eyes full of confusion. "Why do you dress up in your room?" Jake asked in confusion. "Are you trying to be a superhero in your room like Spiderman? He always got dressed in his room!"

"Yeah, that's exactly it," he quickly agreed before clearing his throat. "Well, we best get going before all the candy is gone. C'mon kiddos, let's go."

Jake and Sky were quick to agree, practically sprinting over to the door with their black pillow cases, before Gunnar called to them, telling them to stop and wait for them. As soon as the Swedish man made it to the door he grabbed onto the hands of both the children before walking out, assuring Barney and Lee that they wouldn't be home too late. Tool waved to both the mercenaries before following the blonde out and onto the street. Barney shook his head as soon as they were gone, muttering something about 'recipes for disaster' before heading to the garage, no doubt looking to hop on his motorcycle. Lee waited a few more seconds, staring out the door before following the Italian.

He had a bad feeling about all this.

* * *

Surprisingly, the meeting for the mission in the Polynesian Islands had gone well. It was a retrieval mission to recover some sort of ancient family heirloom from a warlord that had taken over on a chain of islands. There were a lot of manpower guarding the compound, but based on the maps and charts that their client had given them, there were easy ways around the bulk of the soldiers. Of course, it would take recon in order to make sure that they were comfortable with taking the job, but it was one of the more straight-forward ones that they'd been offered as of late. It was a surprise to Lee that the meeting went well.

What _wasn't_ surprising was the fact that as soon as their meeting was over, he checked his phone to find three missed calls, two e-mails, and seven text messages, all of which were from Gunnar and Tool. If he was being honest with himself, he knew that something was going to happen. He knew it the second the Gunnar and Tool had suggested they take the kids trick-or-treating. He _knew_ something was going to happen, but still he let them go anyway. And despite the fact that he knew something would happen, his mind immediately went to the worst case scenarios the second he saw the missed notifications. He had images of his daughter being lost or kidnapped in his mind. Though, when he listened to his voicemail, read his texts and checked his e-mail, he wondered if they weren't just messing with them; because honestly, the kids being kidnapped had been a higher probability in his mind then what _actually_ happened.

"So tell me again how you got arrested?"

Lee tapped his foot on the ground in agitation as he looked down at the smirking blonde giant, the grinning tattoo artist, and the positively beaming children, make-up on their faces creating fake blood and large gruesome gashes, surrounded by a sea of candy on the floor of the tattoo shop. The two adults didn't seem to be fazed at all by the tone Barney had used to phrase his question. Jensen seemed oblivious, lost in his sea of candy, lifting it up to eye level and whispering 'my precious' in a creepy little voice that the Brit was sure he learned from some movie. And Sky at least seemed to be sheepish, but since she had a piece of candy stuck in her mouth, it didn't seem like she was terribly concerned with what had transpired just an hour earlier.

"We weren't _arrested_," Tool responded immediately, waving off the Italian. "They just called the cops on us. But they had nothing to take us in on."

_"Why_ did they find the need to call the cops on you four?" Barney rephrased his question, tossing his old mentor a look that said he was in no mood for arguing semantics.

Gunnar smirked. "Didn't you two see the videos we sent?"

In fact, they _did_ see the videos. They were sent as two attachments to Lee's e-mail with a simple caption of 'Best Halloween Ever'. It was a video of Tool, leading some group of teenagers—all very mouthy and rude teenagers—through some sort of large abandoned house, with only flashlights lighting up the dark space. The first video had been full of Tool manning the camera, explaining to the teens that they were in a haunted house that had been vacant for hundreds of years because of the tragic deaths of two children on a Halloween night, murdered by their parents while their butler tried to save them and got killed in the process. The story was _obviously_ fabricated and seemed to be largely off the cuff, but the tattoo artist had sold it well.

Now the _second_ video was harder to follow, but it was largely the others scaring the _crap_ out of the teenagers. He had seen a shot of his daughter—her innocent Wednesday Addams make-up being twisted and altered so she looked like her face had had a fight with a shredder—standing at the end of a dark hallway, her head tilted to the side and a bear covered in blood dangling loosely out of her right hand. The screams from the teenagers had all been high-pitched and full of fear before she disappeared as their flashlights flitted about in what he took as a sign that they were all running. Jake had appeared next—his face being painted up in a similar manner to Sky's—standing at the top of a large staircase, holding a baseball bat in his hands and hitting it repeatedly on the stair just below the one he was sitting on. Another round of high-pitch screaming—and what sounded suspiciously like a laugh from Tool—had echoed through the video before the group was off running again. And finally the Brit had managed to make out a shot of Gunnar—looking like the embodiment of death himself with sickly skin and blood and puss painted onto his face—appeared in a doorway with Sky on his left side and Jake on his right, both of them holding his hands and giggling eerily.

The teenagers had all screamed again—one shouting out for his mother—before the camera panned around to show them sprinting away and out the front door, dropping their bags of candy in the process. The rest of the video was largely filled with Tool dying of laughter while Jake cheered at the bags of candy they had 'acquired'. Gunnar had been grinning the entire time and Sky had started giggling just before the video ended.

It had actually been pretty hilarious, but still that didn't explain why the cops had been called.

"We saw it," Lee assured.

The Viking smirked wider. "Well, apparently we freaked those kids out too bad, because they ran to their parents and ended up calling the cops. We hid the candy and the camera so by the time the cops showed up we just said we were running a haunted house attraction up at the old Stackhouse place."

"Wait, that place is in _foreclosure_ isn't it?" The Italian questioned. "You managed to con some kids into thinking it was _haunted_?"

"It was like taking candy from a baby," Jake piped up—showing that he was indeed listening to the conversation—as he continued to stroke the piles of candy he was sitting in, still not looking up from the colorful pieces of sugar that held his attention. "Literally. We literally took their candy. So much beautiful candy…"

"Okay, so _why_ did you decide to psychological traumatize a group of teenagers?" Lee questioned, wondering what had possessed the two men to plot with the children to terrify a group of teens.

Tool shrugged a bit as he gestured over towards the kids on the floor. "The whole group came over to Jake and Sky while Gunnar and I were helping some mom look for her kid. They stole their candy and shoved them on the ground, so we thought retribution was in order."

"What? Are you two okay?" The Brit asked, his eyes landing on the two children. A bunch of punk teenagers had stolen from his daughter and Jake and had the _audacity_ to push them around? Suddenly, he didn't feel nearly as confused and perplexed as he did just seconds before. In fact he felt a bit proud that Gunnar and Tool had come up with a plan to get even with those jerks.

Sky bobbed her head with a smile on her face. "We're okay! We didn't get hurt and we made sure that we got them back!"

"Vengeance was ours!" Jake exclaimed triumphantly, his fist flying into the air. A _Butterfinger_ flew into the air in the process, but the blonde ignored it as he finally looked up from the candy, mischief and amusement burning behind his baby blue eyes. "We shall feast upon the spoils of war tonight!"

Lee made a mental note to block the history channel. That hour-long special about the history of Rome had been a horrible idea.

"There will be no feasting on any spoils of war," the Viking cut in immediately, looking down at his son. "You'll be saving your candy and eating only a few a day. And that's only _after_ you two get cleaned up and ready for bed, got it?"

Jake began pouting and whining like a puppy. "But dad, look at all this!"

"I am looking. And I'm telling you I'm not going to let you eat it until you get sick."

After a few more minutes of complaining, Jake finally agreed and Sky followed his lead. Tool helped the kids grab sacks for all their candy and moved them into the kitchen, leaving the other three adults alone for a moment. "So, out of curiosity, how did you guys paint your faces to look so realistic?" Barney questioned.

Gunnar grinned. "Remember we said we were helping a mother find her baby?" At their nods, the blonde grinned wider. "She was a make-up artist, so she agreed to help as soon as we told her what happened. She actually loaned us the camera and laptop too so we could record everything and send it to you."

Lee couldn't help but shake his head and let out a chuckle before he turned towards the kitchen, intent on grabbing his daughter and scrubbing her face clean of any dried blood or fake gashes. He also planned on getting her out of the dark clothes and back into her cheery monkey pajamas. "Let's go Gunnar. Those kids aren't going to bathe themselves," he called out over his shoulder, prompting the blonde to get up and follow the knife thrower.

"It's gonna take about an hour to get all that dye out of Jake's hair," Gunnar grumbled slightly.

"I wonder how much time all that make-up will take to scrub off," Lee mused before looking up at blonde with a grin on his face. "Gunnar, do you have any extra copies of those videos?"

"Course I do, why?"

"We're keeping those. I can't wait to see their faces when their older and we show them the video. And I think it will serve as a great deterrent for all boyfriends Sky will want to have."

The Viking let out a loud laugh as they entered the kitchen and spotted their kids watching Tool put the candy on the fridge carefully. "You're evil, you know that Christmas?"

"Says the man who caused a group of teenagers to require a therapist."

"Touché."


	4. The Nutcracker

A/N: Hey there everyone! I know it's been a while since I've updated this story, or Life of a Mercenary, but I've been extremely busy as of late. I made the idiotic choice of taking three weekend classes (which thankfully end this weekend!), taking more than a full course load, joining a few different times on campus, as well as being in my honors program. Also, I've had a few health issues (such as falling down my stairs and having surgery for an unrelated medical issue) that have been taking up my time. However, I'm happy to say that (to my knowledge) all is well! So I wanted to get right back into the swing of writing. I had written this chapter actually several months ago, but I guess I never actually got around to uploading it (though I was almost sure I had). Regardless, I thought it would be a good chapter to publish before I finish up work on the third part of the Gauntlet in Life of a Mercenary. The next chapter I publish for that one will probably be well over seven thousand words, so it's going to be a fairly hefty chapter. And after that it should be only one to two more chapters before I start the next installment of the series. I will be sure to keep you guys posted, and I'm going to shoot for regular update schedules! I'll write what those will end up being in the author's note of the new chapter for Life of a Mercenary, but for right now, I'd like to thank you guys for being patient. I know it's not fun waiting for a story you really want to read to be updated. Anyhow, I hope you guys like the new chapter!

Disclaimer: I don't own the Expendables or the Losers, just my OC, Sky.

* * *

Growing Pains

_New Orleans, Louisiana_

_December__18__th__, 1997_

Barney Ross felt entirely out of place in the small auditorium full of loud kids, excited parents, and frantic teachers. There were strands of garland hanging up along the stage and around the doors in an uneven pattern, obviously having been done by the students. Twinkling lights were hanging from the ceilings along with paper snow-flakes and icicles made of some sort of plastic, that created a pattern that would've been pretty if he wasn't suffering from a hangover; at that moment it was just aggravating. As was the sheer amount of _noise_ in the small room.

"What the hell am I doing here?" Barney mumbled to himself. He already knew the answer though. And the answer came in the form of one hyperactive genius blonde and a smart, big-eyed brunette.

The second the two kids had come home a month ago, chattering on about the school play they were both in, Barney had known it would only be a matter of time before he was roped into going. He knew it the second that he and Tool had gotten shot _the look_ by both Lee and Gunnar, as they listened intently to the kids going on and on about the play. It was a look that said _my-kid-is-excited-and-you-better-damn-well-be-excited-too-or-__**God-help-me**__-there-will-be-consequences._ He and Tool had been as enthusiastic as they could be about an elementary school play, but neither Jake nor Sky seemed to realize their excitement was largely forced.

The second they were out of earshot, the Italian had sworn that he would not be going to a school play under any circumstances, no matter how much he loved the two children. Tool had been quick to echo the sentiment, and make his position on the issue known as well. Lee had immediately started arguing, pulling out his knife to threaten them, but Gunnar had stopped the Brit and assured the two other men that it was fine that they didn't want to attend the performance; that they weren't obligated. He had respected their decision and they wouldn't make them attend if they didn't want to.

That should've been his first tip off that something was wrong.

The following weeks had been filled with the kids going on about their parts and practicing their individual routines anddances at the tattoo shop at the insistence of Lee and Gunnar. They said it was important that they got their parts down to a 'T', but Barney knew what the two men were doing. They were trying to get Tool and Barney to change their minds, by showing them just how hard the two kids were working, and how they were so excited about the upcoming play. At first, Barney and Tool tried not to watch the practice, completely aware of the game the two other mercenaries were trying to play. It took only two days before Tool started sitting in on the practice, and three before Barney also hung around for moral support. But still they had held firm on their decision not to attend.

Tool had been the first one to crumble in his resolve.

Four days ago when Jake and Sky were trying on their costumes to insure they fit and going over their dances, Tool had turned into a pile of mush. It might have been the fact that Sky was dressed up as a doll—cloaked in a pink leotard, purple, fluffy tutu and a purple flower headband on her short curly locks—that did the tattoo artist in. Or it might have been Jensen dressed up as one of the mouse soldiers—decked out in a one-piece brown suit, a tail that he kept stepping on, mouse ears attached to his blonde head, and a nose and whiskers drawn on his face. Honestly, it was probably both. Barney had almost been done in by the sight, but by sheer willpower, he hadn't been swayed by the adorable scene before him.

That all changed yesterday.

Lee Christmas, the badass knife thrower of the mercenary group, had somehow managed to come down with a cold. Barney had thought nothing of the illness of the Brit, and had gone on about his day. That is, until he got a call from said knife thrower, letting him know that he would be the one picking up Jake and Sky from school. Apparently Gunnar was out running some sort of errand, Tool was getting supplies, and he was blowing chunks in the bathroom upstairs to the point that walking in a straight line was impossible. It hadn't been a big deal; Barney had picked up the kids before. He knew the route to the school, and he didn't mind the walk.

An hour later he found himself at the school, sitting in one of the chairs outside the auditorium where Jake and Sky had apparently been going through the dress rehearsal for their play. Lee had neglected to tell him that he didn't have to show up at the normal time since they'd be spending an extra half an hour prepping at the school. So Barney was forced to wait for them outside the auditorium until they were finished. With each passing minute he grew more and more annoyed with having to wait. He wanted nothing more to pull out a cigar or start cleaning his revolver, but both were acts not at all welcomed in an elementary school; the second liable to get himself arrested.

Just when he had been about to call Lee and yell at him for his mistake in the time, the door to the room had opened and a wave of seven and eight year olds flooded through, each one of them pausing to give him a curious look. When Jake and Sky had walked out of the room and spotted him, they smiled so bright it was as if he were looking into the sun. Pride had been written across their faces as they ran over to him, hugging his legs and introducing him to all their friends as 'Uncle Barney', one of the best uncles in the entire world. Jake had chattered on at a mile a minute about how cool his was, and how much he looked up to him, before Sky had smiled softly at the group of kids who'd taken an interest in the Italian. With absolute happiness and confidence she had stated loud and proud that he would be at their performance the following night, sitting front and center with their family because he loved them so much.

When she turned her big brown eyes his way and Jake let loose his bright baby blues, he knew he was done for.

Walking back into the tattoo shop with the two kids chattering excitedly about where he should sit and how they'd be looking for him in the crowd, he felt his eyebrow twitching as he spotted Lee who looked remarkably _healthy_ for a man who had been 'blowing chunks' just an hour before. Barney kept all his comments to himself until the kids went upstairs to do homework; after that he promptly cursed Lee out before informing the Brit that he would be showing up to the school at seven. The rest of the night he'd spent with Tool, slamming back drinks at the bar. A choice he was regretting right at that moment.

"My head is killing me," Tool muttered as he plopped down in the chair at Barney's left, massaging his temple with one hand while holding a large bottle of water in the other. "Remind me again why we thought last night was a good idea?"

"I'll let you know the second I can hear my own thoughts," the Italians retorted, looking around at the large amounts of people flooding through the doors or the brightly lit auditorium. "Where the hell are Christmas and Gunnar?"

"Talking to Jake and Sky, I think. Giving 'em some sort of pep talk, or some shit like that," the tattoo artist replied, ignoring the pointed look and scoff from a woman seated in the row just behind them. She obviously didn't appreciate his vocabulary. "I wasn't really paying attention. _Way_ too many screaming kids around here."

Nodding, Barney silently agreed. The only screaming children he was willing to tolerate were Jake and Sky. All the others were just grating on his nerves.

The row in front of him and Tool began to get filled up with excited parents who already had cameras out, even though there was more than fifteen minutes until the show actually started. They were chattering excitedly, talking about whose kid was whose and what part they would be playing. One of the fathers turned in his seat, probably to see if he knew anyone in the next row, but he promptly turned around the second he saw the groggy looking tattoo artist and annoyed Italian. The parents all began whispering and tossing looks towards them. Barney was just about to curse them all out and tell them to mind their own business before Lee and Gunnar appeared, taking the two seats just beside the Italian.

"They're just about to start," Gunnar whispered excitedly, looking far too much like his son in that one moment.

Lee pulled out his camera and got settled into his seat before smirking at the Italian beside him. "Good to see you showed up." Barney merely grunted. "Sky and Jake are specifically going to be looking for you and Tool, so be sure to give them a big wave when they're on stage."

Another grunt.

"You sound cheerful," the Brit commented sarcastically.

"I'm hungover. Leave me alone."

"That's your own fault."

"Shh! It's starting!" Gunnar shushed them both, pulling out his own camera to start recording everything. The lights started to dim in the auditorium and before they knew it, the curtain was opened, showing a stage that was decorated like a living room on Christmas. There was an obviously fake fireplace in one corner, a large Christmas tree with presents scattered underneath it, and couches along the stage. There was a boy and a girl, dressed up to look like adults sitting on one of the couches with microphones in their hands, stage whispering and acting as if they were having a conversation. From the side of the stage a little boy dressed up as a soldier walked in with his own microphone and started narrating.

About thirty seconds into it, Barney started to tone the kid out. He knew what _The Nutcracker_ was about, he didn't need to hear whatever the boy was saying. That and the sound system in the auditorium was crap and was only serving to make his migraine worse.

So instead of listening he just watched with half-interest as he waited for Sky and Jake to appear on the stage. There was a few funny moments where the little girl playing the lead had to struggle to unwrap the present containing the nutcracker and where the narrator was caught picking his nose off to the side of the stage, but other than that Barney was bored out of his mind. And one quick glance at Tool—who was starting to doze off—showed that the tattoo artist was even less enthused than he was.

When the curtain closed after the first part and he had still seen no sign of either of the children he'd come to love, Barney started to get annoyed. Where the hell were Jake and Sky? Why weren't they on stage yet? They were _far_ more talented than any of the other kids he'd seen so far.

"This is bullshit," he mumbled under his breath.

"Shh!" Lee and Gunnar both shushed him, their attention focused solely on their cameras so they wouldn't miss a second.

Barney rolled his eyes and was about to tell the two men what they could do with their cameras before the curtains opened again and the narrator was back. He said another few lines that Barney didn't pay attention to, before music started filling the auditorium and a bunch of little boys either dressed up as soldiers or mouse soldiers started filing on stage.

That was when he saw Jake. He was the first little mouse soldier walking onto the stage, his fake sword in one hand as he stepped forward to the beat of the music, leading the other little mouse soldiers forward behind the mouse king. There was a bright smile on his face as he looked out to the crowd, scanning the faces before his eyes landed on them. Forgetting where he was for a second, Jake stopped walking and waved wildly towards them, earning a laugh from the crowd and a smile from Barney and Tool as the mercenaries all waved back. Remembering his place, however, Jake quickly kept walking to get back on beat as the soldiers and mice men partnered up with each other to start 'sword-fighting'. It was all obviously choreographed, but as Barney looked at the blonde boy just past center-stage he saw that Jake was seeming to add in his own moves while doing something that suspiciously looked like it was from _The Matrix_.

Barney couldn't help but laugh out loud at that.

After the 'fighting' was done, the mouse soldiers followed their king away as the soldiers triumphed. When the curtain closed again, Barney clapped happily. He was feeling slightly better about the whole thing after seeing the bright smile on Jake's face.

"Did you see him? Did you? Oh, my boy did so great!" Gunnar whispered to the other men, his grin stretching from ear to ear.

Lee started smiling too as he waited for the curtain to open again. "Sky should be coming up soon."

And true to his word, Sky was a part of the next group. Barney was only vaguely paying attention to what the narrator was saying as the curtain opened up. All his attention had immediately been drawn to the very front row of the stage where Sky was kneeling down, with around twenty other little girls dressed just like her. She, however, was at the very front and was currently scanning the crowd just as Jake had done earlier. Except when she spotted them, she didn't start furiously waving, but instead smiled brightly and looked down shyly when she saw them waving back at her, giving her thumbs up. Soon music was playing and Sky and the other girls were up on their feet and dancing, making small jumps and twirls across that stage that Barney had to admit was pretty damn adorable.

All too soon, Sky's part was over and the curtain closed, signifying the end of another part.

"Sky was precious!" Lee immediately blurted out, turning to Barney and practically shoving the camera underneath his nose to show a picture he had of Sky mid-jump with a large smile on her face. "Look at this shot! I'm gonna get it framed!"

"Hey, can I get a copy of that one?" Tool asked, looking over at the picture—both men moving in on Barney's personal space without seeming to care at all.

"Sure."

"You have good shots of Jake too, right?" Gunnar questioned.

"Of course, I'll show you all after the—"

"Shh!" A few parents from the row ahead of them shushed them.

Almost immediately Gunnar and Lee—the two who had been the happiest about the whole play—tossed some of the fiercest glares Barney had ever seen them give towards the slightly balding man in front of them. "Who are you shushing?" Gunnar demanded, his eyes narrowing.

The man immediately paled which only got worse as Lee snarled at him. "Why don't you just turn around and mind your business, friend?"

The man didn't hesitate to do as he was told, which amused Barney greatly.

With Jake and Sky's parts of the play done, the four mercenaries spent the rest of the play grumbling or wondering when the show would be over so they could see the two children. Barney thought he was just about to lose his mind and walk out when thankfully the play ended and the children all came out to take their bows. They all made big shows off themselves whistling and cheering whenever they saw Jake or Sky before the kids disappeared backstage once again and the parents were being ushered into the cafeteria for snacks. They decided however to skip snacks and instead wait by the cafeteria door for Jake and Sky.

"Dad!"

"Daddy!"

The voices of the two children that they were waiting for, caused a large smile to appear on the faces of the four mercenaries as Jake and Sky—the former holding his fake sword up in the air—ran down the hallway. "Did you see us? I waved!" Jake cheered, coming to a stop in front of the four men, practically buzzing with energy.

"You bet we did! You were so good! I'm so proud of you!" Gunnar beamed, scooping his son up into his arms to kiss his cheek.

"I almost tripped during my dance," Sky admitted, shifting from foot to foot, her little tutu flowing as she moved.

Lee crouched so he was at her level and pulled her into a tight hug as he kissed her forehead. "You were perfect, love. You were beautiful on stage."

Suddenly Jake and Sky both turned to look up at Barney and Tool, eyes wide. "What did you guys think?" Jake asked.

Tool answered before Barney got a chance. "It was awesome. You two kids should be actors!"

Their eyes shifted over to the Italian and he couldn't help but smile at the hopeful looks in their eyes. They wanted him to like their performance. "It was the best play I've ever seen," he answered honestly. After all, it was the _only _play he'd ever seen, but they didn't need to know that part.

His answer caused them to beam.

The two launched off into an explanation of some catastrophe that happened backstage—the wooden nutcracker they were using apparently _did_ break and the teachers were rushing around to the classrooms trying to see if there were any spare ones—with Jake largely giving the explanation and Sky adding in details whenever she saw fit—or whenever Jake paused in order to breathe. Tool and Gunnar were largely the ones engaging the two kids as Lee moved over to stand next to Barney.

"See, it wasn't too bad."

"It was alright," the Italian shrugged.

"You enjoyed it. Admit it," Lee smirked.

Barney looked to the two kids, positively beaming as they continued to speak at a mile a minute. He smiled seeing them look so excited. "They seem happy."

"They are. Just so you know they're going to be auditioning for bigger roles for the next play in the spring. It's going to be Peter Pan. I already told them you'd be front and center so be sure to clear your schedule. And try not to be hungover again."

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"Not at all."


End file.
