Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1

Nothing had looked the same, smelt the same, tasted the same or felt the same ever again. It wasn't anyone's fault but if he had to blame someone he would have to blame her, but he did not want to. He would blame fantasy.

He sat in Albus's office wondering if he would ever be as merry as Albus always seemed to be in one way or another. He extinguished this thought from his head immediately as the thing that had made him contented, or partially at least, was gone and would never come back. That he had accepted and mourned for pined for even. Those feelings had passed a long time ago and now he found himself only being able to feel a certain few emotions: anger, sadness, frustration, indifferent, and just plain cold to others emotions and feelings. It had caused problems for him in the past and still did on occasion but he did not care. He had a comfortable life, besides a few aspects. He had a well-paid job, comfortable living arrangements; he was fed well and was surrounded by a few people who he knew cared about what he was doing. The uncomfortable aspects of his life resulted from foolish decisions made in teenage hood. There was nothing to be done about them now.

Mona had been teaching at hogwarts for a year, and she could safely say it was one of the most exciting years ever: the tri-wizard tournament, the Yule ball, and then of course the return of the dark lord. Of course that was not exciting it was just plain disturbing. She had made friends with some wonderful people, Albus, Minerva, Pomona, Filius, Hagrid and many others.

She had received a letter the first week of the summer holidays from Albus asking her if she would like to join his organisation known as "The Order Of The Phoenix" that was fighting against the Dark Lord and his uprising. Of course she replied immediately and asked for details as to where to meet.

The next week she apparated to where Albus had told her to go to.

"12 Grimmauld Place, looks nicely dilapidated," she said to herself as she opened the gate and knocked on the front door.

A short woman with a lot of ginger hair opened the door only enough to see who was on the other side.

"yes", she said

"My name is Mona Felicis, I'm here for the Order meeting," she said nervously. "I have a letter if you want to see it,"

"Yes please, dear, we have to be careful I'm sure you understand," the red-haired woman said.

"Of course, I understand," said Mona. The woman inspected written on parchment in Albus's handwriting, inspecting it with her wand, al most like she was testing it.

"Come in dear," she said unbolting half a dozen chains that had the door locked.

Once the door was open Mona stepped inside a very dark hallway lit only by a few candles and the light coming from underneath a door to another room that was at the other end of the corridor-like hallway.

"Can I take you coat dear?" said the Woman.

"Oh thank you, "Mona said taking her coat off and handing it too her. the woman clicked her fingers and the coat disappeared out of her hand.

"Oh sorry dear, I'm Molly Weasley" she held her hand out to her. Mona took it in hers.

"Your Ron, Ginny, Fred and George's Mother?" Mona Inquired.

"Yes, I think they have spoken about you actually," Molly said. "oo look at the time we had better go the meeting will start in a minute,"

Mona followed the woman as she hurried off down the hallway and opened the door that the light was coming from. As they entered the room that Mona took to be the kitchen, she saw a lot of people she did not know but she also saw a number of whom she did. She felt someone's hand on her arm immediately as she entered the room. Turning quickly she found Minerva smiling at her.

"Albus will be glad you're here," she said, "Come sit down," they sat at the table next to a man who had a number of long scratches down his face that made him look as though he had been attacked. His unkempt look that he had didn't help either.

"I don't believe we've met," he said holding out his hand to her. she took it and smiled.

"Mona Felicis,

"Remus Lupin," he said and returned the smile.

A man sat down opposite Mona who had a handsome face, but he knew it. He winked at her and she looked away immediately. She looked around the table and saw a number of people she didn't know, and some more of the Hogwarts Staff, including Professor Snape. The Rumours of him being a death eater had not missed her and the theories began running through her head as to why he might be here.

Albus stood up at the end of the table and cleared his throat. Everyone silenced as he began to speak.

"My friends, I am Glad that all I invited have been able to make themselves available for the evening. You all know why we are here and you know what for. It saddens me to see only a few of the original members here this fine evening, but sometimes these things cannot be avoided. I had hoped that we would never have to convene under such circumstances ever again, but it was always inevitable."

"I shall get onto introductions I think, as you can see Severus Snape is with us this evening as he has agreed with me, despite the terrible danger he is to be putting himself into, that he is to use his position in Voldemort's most inner circle to our advantage. He shall be feeding the Dark Lord information of the simplest form, telling him what he needs to know without giving enough, or in some cases the true details of our endeavours. Also he shall be using his position to gain information about Voldemort's plans so we can plan ourselves, around them to our benefit."

"Only because Snivellus feels too guilty not to do anything," The man who had winked at Mona said loudly. Snape stood as if to leave but Albus caught him by his arm.

"Sit down Severus," he said quietly as the dark man sat. "Sirius let go of the past it's not the reason we are here, if I were you, being in your position, I would be grateful we have such an excellent source of information," Albus continued with what he was saying for more than an hour, introducing new members of the order and inducting them.

No sooner had the summer holidays been and gone, Mona found herself pulling her trunk along the rough platform of hogsmede station. The staff of hogwarts could either stay in the castle for the summer, as a few did, or return to their respective homes for the six-week break. She watched as Hagrid helped Filius with his trunk that looked twice the size of her trunk due to Filius's size. Next she saw Minerva stepping out of the Train a little further down very deftly re inflating her trunk from the flat packed mush it had been turned into. To Mona's surprise the next person she saw get off the train was Severus Snape. She didn't know why she was surprised; she had just expected that he would be one of the ones who stayed in to castle for the summer. Evaded everyone he did.

Having spent a good two hours unpacking all her shrunken down goods from her trunk, Mona decided a visit to the library was in order. Holiday reading material had been somewhat lacking this year. Madam Pince was already there and was already frustrated by students having stuffed books into the wrong places last school year.

"Hello Irma," Mona said.

"Oh hello dear, you startled me," she smiled whilst levitating a book up to its correct shelf. "How are you?"

"Very well thank you, yourself?"

"Oh quite well, I'd be much better if… well you know the reasons," she said, they both laughed a little.

"I was wonder if you could recommend something that would keep me entertained but at the same time get me back into teaching mode, I've had the laziest of holidays and only done the minimum amount of planning possible. I neglect my role I know," Mona said. She smiled.

"You've been busy with the order, understandably,"

"Not really, I have just been going to the meetings, there isn't much for me to do yet, but pitch in a few ideas every now and again," Mona said. "Are you part of the order Irma?"

"Oh yes, was first time too. Its shame though, many of the original order have passed on, more often than not by dreadful means. Very many of them so young, such a waste really. But we cannot change the past, only the future dear, remember that," she said and passed me a book, "Here you go, have a go at this one, then come back and

I'll have another one for you," she smiled, Mona smiled back weakly.

As Mona wondered back towards her rooms, she considered what Irma had said. Mona knew Severus Snape had been a death eater, but why was he now helping the order. Albus would never have allowed it he did not trust him she supposed. Nor would he have allowed him to take on such a precarious and important role. The aftermath if something went wrong was completely unimaginable. Mona pushed these thoughts from her head as she unlocked the wards on her door and settles down to some tea and her book. The book was not working. Her mind was full of the order and the things that had been discussed, the information Snape had provided. None of seemed fake or in the past or even unreal anymore. Lord voldemort was truly back and if he had his way he would cause much more devastation than he did originally. It was disturbing to think about, but she couldn't get it out of her head. She wanted answers to a number of questions. Why did Voldemort want to do this, why was Snape now on there side rather than the dark lords side, what would they do if the dark lord had his way?

Severus Sat at his desk, unconsciously writing down lessons plans. He did this at the beginning of every school year. He planned the course, then the exact structure of the lessons and the form they would take. Half the time he did this whilst thinking of something completely different. A month later he would come back to read over October outline and not remember that he had ever written even half of what was on the page. He always did miss the castle when he was away, for whatever reason. Spinners end was not his home; it had been a place to stay at on the unfortunately long summer holidays when he had been at school. Now it was just somewhere that he kept only because his mother had wanted him and asked him too. She was so much sentimental than he ever would be. It was her family home. When he was younger she would often tell him how proud the day she was when she had brought him home after he was born. His father on the other hand, treat it as the place he spent as little time as possible between trips to the pub. Severus used to hid when he heard him open the front door. He used to hide somewhere where he wouldn't be able to hear his mother crying or somewhere that lessened the sound of his fathers shouting. The day he left for hogwarts was the most exciting day of his life. He had his best friend there with him. The only thing he had wished was that he mother hadn't looked so forsaken. Why couldn't she have had a smile on her face as she wished her soon well, and made him promise to write to her at least once a week, all the while trying to hold back the tears that were filling up in her eyes. he knew exactly why. She was terrified of going home, alone. Whenever Severus had been there she had been able come up with some excuse for the two of them to leave the house for a little while. But now she was alone, and she would go home alone, and return to that awful man who made him call him father. Severus hated the fact that memory of the day he said goodbye to his mother was such a vivid one. It was like it was only a week ago.

_Severus looked up at his mother, her thin face was still and emotionless. He looked over and saw Lily hugging her mother and father, her sister, still angry with her over that stupid letter. He slipped his hand into his mothers and looked up at her. she looked down and he swore that he saw her mouth turn ever so slightly._

"_I'll write to you if you want mum," he said._

"_No sweetheart, its alright, I'll have nothing to write back," she said, running her hand over the soft black hair that grew to his shoulders. It was just like hers when she was younger, it made her smile. "I might not e able to resist sending you something from time to time, and if you need any clothes or anything like that, you must let me know,"_

"_I'll miss you, you know," he said looking at his new school shoes that were still stiff around his feet and hurt if he kept them on too long._

"_I will miss you too," she said, "You'll have a wonderful time, and you'll learn so many things and make so many new friends. I remember when I went to hogwarts, I didn't know anybody, and it was very scary. But you have Lily and you'll look after each other," she said as the train pulled into the station and came to a drawn out halt at the platform. "Here we are, you and Lily go and find a carriage together," she said. she bent down and kissed him on his forehead. "I love you Severus," she hugged him tight and he hugged her back just as tightly. _

"_I love you too mum," he said as he took the last whiff of her delicate perfume. He waved goodbye from the window of the carriage he and lily had found. She waved back and smiled warmly as the train pulled out of the station. He continued to wave to her as she blew him a kiss that he automatically returned. _

Severus' mother was the only person he had ever said "I love you," to. He never regretted saying it, not once because he did love her. she was his mother and she cared for him as much as his father would let her.

Severus had never felt sad about the day that his father had drank himself into a coma and could not be roused. In fact he felt a kind of relief. Even though he was at school, many miles away from his mother, he knew she was safe now and that he didn't have to worry every time it got past ten o'clock in the evening.

Many would suggest that Severus Snape was incapable of love, but he wasn't. He loved his mother unconditionally and he loved Lily Evans unrequitedly. He still loved the both of them and he always would. Now it seemed as though he was sickening from not having been able to physically touch the things he loved for so long. Now it seemed was the time to maybe allow himself to be preferred, however unlikely it seemed, much of the time.

As he sat there, his quill creating a growing inkblot on his parchment, he came to realise what he had been thinking. He loved Lily and his mother, no one else and he never would love anyone else. There was no one for him to love and no one that would love him. there was nothing to love about him, in Severus' eyes that was.

Two days later, Albus had his staff dinner before the students were to return to school. The huge round table that was always used for private staff dinner was dressed with the finest silver cutlery and porcelain plates. The wine goblets had gold gilding along the edges that created an intricate pattern right round the glass. Mona walked around the table until she found the place marked with her name. As she sat down she noticed that to her left was Minerva and to her right was professor Snape. She didn't mind the fact that this meant she would be talking to Minerva for the whole, as the other possible company was somewhat lacking. She saw four different knives, forks and spoons. By this she knew it was going to be a big dinner, four courses, and with the house elves they never skimped on portion size or quality. As they came to the end of their second course of stuffed pumpkin with a red wine sauce the table was becoming or tolerable noise with chatter. Mona and professor Snape were the only ones not talking. Minerva was talking to Albus on Mona's side and Filius was talking to Hagrid on Severus' side. He sat completely silent as he waited for the next course, only making any movement to take a drink of his wine. Mona sat looking round the table. Every now and again people would rise form the table to go and get a drink from the bar close by the table.

"Can I get you another drink" a deep but soft voice said from her right. She looked and saw Snape looking directly at her.

"Yes, thank you," she said passing him her glass.

"What would you like?" he asked.

"I'll have red wine please," she said looking up at him as he stood there with the two glasses in his hand. He nodded politely in return and went to get their drinks. She watched him the whole time wondering why he had asked her that. He never spoke to her, well only if he had to.

He returned to his seat, gently placing her glass in front of her, praying that he wouldn't spill the dark red liquid on her.

"Thank you," she smiled a little. He couldn't help but feel one corner of his mouth turn slightly as he sat down.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's notes

Any passage of speech with a * next at the beginning of it (of which I am only using one such passage) is credited to the immortal genius of J.K Rowling. There may be a couple more extracts in future chapters, I just feel that by sticking to the plot of the series I am unable to change certain aspects of important information that may affect the internal plotline of my story. As ever none of the characters are my own creations, other than the unrecognisable ones that I have placed there. All others have been brought forth from the marvellous mind of J.K Rowling.

Chapter two: strange sightings and even stranger situations.

A large group of terrified eleven year olds slowly made their way down the middle of two rows of tables filled with older children. Minerva McGonagall walked briskly in front of them and came to a halt in front of the staff tables. Beside her on a small stool was a hat. A very old looking hat that had tassel on the top of it. The hat was moving as if it was bored with being there.

After each child had been sorted and seated at their respective tables Albus went about his usual start of term speech with references to prohibited areas and such. There was one thing different about this speech though. Albus was interrupted. A light clearing of the throat appeared from the seat next to where professor Severus Snape sat. A woman dressed entirely in pink rose from her chair but gaining no height in doing so. She placed her pink furry handbag on the table as she stood and then proceeded to make her way towards where Albus was stood. Silence encroached upon the vast hall as the pink woman began speaking. She initially thanked Albus for the kind welcome and then delved head first into what was possible the most suspect speech ever made in that great hall.

*"Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts. I must say!" she smiled, revealing very pointed teeth. "And to seen such happy little faces looking up at me!"*

Severus looked at Albus who was watching the woman intently. The prospect of having to suffer her for an entire year was almost unbearable. It would only be a year of course, defence against the dark arts teachers never lasted any longer. She continued.

* "I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all and I'm sure we'll all be very good friends"*

Almost every student and staff member looked at one another with a look of pure disbelief and genuine concern upon their faces.

"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the wizarding community must be passed down to the generations lest we lose them forever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors much be guarded, replenished and polished by those who by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching" Professor Umbridge paused here and made a little bow to her fellow staff members, none of whom bowed back. *

Mona saw professor Snape with the most disgusted look on face that consisted of pure loathing and the need to stamp out that which he loathed. She bit the bottom of lip and looked away as the speech continued.

The evening got better, well at least at dinner. Albus managed to get everyone out of there an hour earlier than normal. It was obvious why, he didn't want to put up with Dolores Umbridge, just like the rest of the inhabitants of the castle.

Nevertheless classes would start the next day and certain people could lose themselves in their work, namely Severus Snape. Even if it was only for a while, until the next summons came. It would be soon, he knew that. The dark lord would want to know of any changes at the school, and anything knew that the headmaster had told him.

The next few days passed with little excitement for Mona. The students where still I holiday mode and weren't ready for getting back to schoolwork, a few were though. About two weeks into the school year an announcement was sent around by the headmaster to each of the teaching staff explaining new plans that the ministry had for the school.

_My friends,_

_The Ministry of Magic has made the decision (after a detailed letter sent to them by the wonderful Dolores Umbridge I might add) that some changes need to made to our school and the way it is run. By this I mean to tell you that Professor Umbridge has been appointed high inquisitor to the school. For you all this means that she will by sitting in on only one of your classes to view you teaching style, what you teach and a bit about your background and how you came to teaching at the school. Any questions please do not hesitate to come and ask me._

_Albus_

Mona had suspected this. Why would the ministry have insisted one of their own staff to be appointed Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher if it wasn't to get some inside information on the workings of the school. It made sense but it would be of the upmost annoyance all the same.

Severus Snape sat at his desk in his office, the piece of parchment sent by the headmaster in front of him. He was still in a relatively safe position. This time next year could be completely different. He would either be completely free or even more incarcerated than he was now. It didn't help that Albus continued to not tell him everything he knew. The distractions in his life were beginning to disturb more than ever. Harry Potter's presence and his increscent ignorance to his role in this charade. But there was something else beginning to make an appearance in his head more often than he wanted. Mona Felicis the quite, bashful yet exquisite young woman who taught ancient runes seemed to be featuring a little too much for it to be ignored. He would deny that she was pretty, even he found himself looking. He was human and alive after all.

Maybe. No, it could not be allowed, she being too innocent and he having made promises he intended to keep until his dieing day. It wasn't as though he was attracted to her in any way, shape of form. He would ignore the slight churning in his stomach, and that was final!

Mona found watching her students pouring over their text books with looks of utter confusion spread like butter (completely unevenly) across their face ridiculously amusing. The best part about this watching was that few ever raised their hands in order to be corrected or to find out an answer. Their perseverance to find the correct answer themselves was admirable indeed. The only student who did ever put their hand up was Hermione Granger, an exceeding bright girl, but one of the most closed minds Mona had ever met. Even when she did call her over it was usually to check whether or not the book was wrong or not. In most cases it was wrong and it was clear that miss Granger found great delight in this. On one occasion miss Granger stayed back after class with what Mona expected to a platitude of questions about to be fired her way.

"yes miss Granger, how can I help you?" Mona asked preparing herself for the likely onslaught.

"I wondered professor are you well acquainted with potions?" she asked.

"Yes I am, but I was presuming you would be asking about something from the text book or your set homework," Mona said

"Well it kind of is about homework really," Granger said.

"Ok then, fire away,"

Hermione Granger removed her potions textbook from her bag and turned the marked page, which was filled with questions that Professor Snape must have set them for homework.

"It's just this question here," she held the book out to Ancient runes professor, who began to read the lengthy question. On finishing she gave miss Granger the best answer she could.

"Thanks Professor," said Granger who replaced her books back in her bag and with a smile turned to leave the classroom. Mona stopped her.

"Hermione," she said. the girl turned and faced her, "Why did you have to ask me that, why couldn't you have asked professor Snape, he is the potions master after all,"

"I would have asked him, its just, well everyone notices his fluctuating moods and, well to say the least he has a seriously bad case of PMS at the moment," Granger smiled.

"I see," Mona couldn't help but smile a little herself, "Just another thing, I don't understand why everyone is so terrified of him, yes he is a little intimidating I'll give him that but on the whole, why?"

"I think he just has a through dislike for anyone under the age of seventeen. It's a lot worse in our class because of Harry, he really hates Harry" with that Hermione left the classroom leaving Mona in the darkening room pondering the fear that one Severus Snape instilled in everyone.

That evening at dinner Mona watched the hall fill with smiling children looking forward to their always delicious and filling dinner. In a slight trance she didn't the chair next to being pulled out and sat in. she only did notice when the person who occupied the chair filled their glass with the red wine on the table. Mona turned quickly to see the tall figure of Severus Snape sitting next to her.

"good evening," he said. his deep voice resonated inside her ears and placed a permanent imprint of its sound on her brain.

"Good evening," she said quietly in return.

She never expected him to keep talking to her, she just thought he was being polite, at a push.

"How are your…….. third years performing?" he asked knowing that third year was when you could pick up ancient runes.

"Their fine thanks, quite bright," she said

"Good," Snape said. Mona watched him sideways, he was looking at his hands, which were in his lap. The only thing she could deduce was that he was nervous, but why?

"Could you pass me the peas… please?" she asked breaking the hopeless silence that had descended the pair of them. She could tell he was grateful.

"Of course," he said leaning forward to get them.

"Thank you," she took the porcelain bowl from him her fingers becoming stuck under his.

"Sorry," he muttered, the hardness never once leaving his face throughout their entire short conversation. He spoke no more to that evening but allowed professor Flitwick to recount his discovery of the use of a certain charm. Every now and again Mona would turn to look at Snape and would find him looking straight through his plate and completely ignoring the lecture Flitwick was giving him. she smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three, breakable promises.

Author's notes

Any passage of speech with a * next at the beginning of it (of which I am only using one such passage) is credited to the immortal genius of J.K Rowling. There may be a couple more extracts in future chapters, I just feel that by sticking to the plot of the series I am unable to change certain aspects of important information that may affect the internal plotline of my story. As ever none of the characters are my own creations, other than the unrecognisable ones that I have placed there. All others have been brought forth from the marvellous mind of J.K Rowling.

"I do see your problem Severus, but…." Albus was interrupted, but he had come to accept this many times when trying to have a discussion with the man striding the stone floor before him.

"There is no but Albus, I need you to help me. I've helped you many times I think it is high time you returned the favour don't you," Severus said, rage and distress resonating through his voice.

"Maybe so Severus, but think logically my friend, you see at this moment you are not being rational,"

"Rational? When am I ever rational according to you Albus,"?

"You've had your moments," the old man reminded.

"Please help me get it out of my head," Severus sat down opposite the headmaster who sat fiddling with some muggle crossword book. "Albus…. Please"

The headmaster looked up and saw before him the twenty-one year old boy who had sat before him fourteen years ago and begged him to save the young woman he was in love with. He felt such an admiration for this still relatively young man. He was brave but he still feared one thing. He was unable to move on, to allow himself to have what he wanted because of a schoolboy love that had gotten out of hand.

"Why do you do this to yourself Severus?"

"Do what?" Severus asked looking thoroughly confused.

"You torture yourself lad. You don't sleep properly, you don't eat properly, and you work too hard. You have convinced yourself that because you lost Lily that you will never have anything ever again in your life. That's not true, you know it but you do not wish to accept this," Albus said putting the crossword book in the draw of his oak desk.

"I loved…. love Lily. I always will, I promised…" Severus looked at the floor.

"You could have something you know, if you would let yourself," Albus watched him. He knew that Severus was not as hard and cold as everyone perceived. He had seen the raw emotional side of him on a number of rare occasions. "She would want you to be content,"

"This isn't helping," Severus said looking up at Albus. He was unable to control the fact that his eyes were full and about to flood.

Mona watched along with her fifth year students as the first snowfall descended upon the castle grounds. There was something truly perfect about that snow. That snow that came at the same time every year and covered everything in a perfect white sheet. It purified anything bad. Fifteen minutes they had all been starring out of the large windows of her classroom when the bell went for lunch. It shocked all and as they left their spirits were somewhat lifted. She locked the door of her classroom and made her way to the library to find a few books for her third years after lunch.

She loved that library it had everything, up to a point anyway. With a pile of books that she balanced on her arms and under her chin she turned a corner and walked straight into a tall black body, losing every single book to the ground. It took her by surprise as she watched the potions master immediately stoop to the floor and begin picking up her books. She just stood there and watched him. He was muttering something under his breath she couldn't really tell what he was saying. She came to and descended to floor also and began to help. It had only been a split second but she had seen something in him she didn't know or understand.

"I'm sorry," he said standing up again and giving her, her books.

"It's alright, I wasn't looking I was going, I didn't see you," she said

"I didn't see you either," he said, "Still please accept my apology,"

"Alright, thank you," she said.

"Why so many?" he asked. She looked up at him. "Books,"

"Third year research project, I don't trust them to find their own resources," she said.

"I wouldn't either," he smirked slightly.

"Your very confusing you know," she said.

"Why do you say that?" he asked

"Don't worry," she smiled and left the library leaving him numbed and dejected. As she walked away Severus realised a group of fourth year girls were giggling at him. He turned to them and have them his best glare before swooping out of the library and back to the quite solitude of his dungeons.

Mona contemplated her odd meetings with professor Snape and how frequent they were becoming. This she tried to extinguish from her mind but on occasion with no avail. The other aspect of these meetings that bothered her the greatest was the fact that the potions master was, to put it simply, courteous. It didn't seem forced, as she would have expected it to be. On the contrary it was wholehearted and undeniable. She wondered why with increasing intensity over the next few days subsequently to their library encounter.

Severus had always hated the conversations he had with Albus about personal matters. Whenever he left that office he always felt as though he had been behaving a teenage boy. He was after all a grown man who could make his own decisions without consulting others if he pleased. Severus was unable to deny that she was a remarkably eye-catching girl, but she was a girl, far too young for him. He was thirty-six and she must have been in her early twenties, which would, of course, mean he had taught her at some point. The to speak with Albus again overcame him.

Albus was clearly not expecting to see Severus twice in one day as he had ensconced himself in knitting. The potions master burst into the room sending the headmasters knitting straight into the air and onto the floor through the sheer shock of the quick entrance.

"All right, I except that I… like the girl Albus, but what on earth do I do about it," he looked directly into the sparkly blue eyes of the headmaster who now had a slight grin plastered over his aged face. "You know as well as I do, that I am not one for any of this business… if I didn't trust your judgement I would even accuse you of employing her on purpose,"

"I would never do a thing like that Severus," Albus' face changed considerably with a look of genuine concern taking over. "Well surely being a well learned man such as yourself the answer should be obvious,"

"Has it escaped your memory that there has never been anyone but Lily up until now. I am completely at a loss when it comes to this kind of endeavour,"

"Hmm, that's true I suppose," Albus indicated to the chair across the table from him, "Sit lad. You want to have some form of contact with her yes?"

"Yes,"

"Do you at present know what type?" Albus asked.

"No, I don't,"

"But you like her enough to admit that clearly," said Albus more to himself than to Severus.

"I find myself increasingly wanting to be in her presence. Of late I have felt a need to see her at least once a day," Severus said quietly.

"Why don't you ask her to have a drink with you?" Albus proposed.

"I always knew you were mad Albus, but…" Severus stood up so quickly that again he took the headmaster by surprise.

"How on earth do you expect to have any kind of contact Severus if she only ever sees you watching you from across the room, for gods sake man pull yourself together. All you need to say to the girl is, would you have a drink with me one evening, it really isn't that difficult, although it can be nerve racking.

That evening after dinner Severus sat in front of the fire in his office with a glass filled about a centimetre full with fire whiskey. He watched the flames jump about totally oblivious of anything but they purpose to heat. The clock read eight thirty. It wasn't late. It wasn't too late to go and speak with her. As he tipped the glass to his lips and the golden liquid glided down his throat the burning sensation inspired a determination in him and he left his office and began the five-minute journey that would take him towards the astronomy tower and her classroom.

Mona sat at her desk with what seemed to be a never-ending pile of sixth year essays. She looked at the clock on her wall that read eight thirty. She would finish this one and then go and have a long bath. As she finished writing the comments on the last page of the essay in front she blew out the candle on her desk and gathered up her papers and put them away in her desk. She extinguished the rest of the gas lamps in the room and headed for the door. Making her way back towards her rooms, the darkness that took the corridor made it impossible to judge its width or length. Luckily she had walked it enough times to know when and where to turn. This time was different as she turned into the adjacent corridor that led her quickly to her rooms she walked straight into something tall and obviously dark. She gasped and backed away frightened and shocked.

"Who is it?" she said quietly almost as if she was afraid of getting an answer. The next moment a might luminescent light lit up the thin corridor. Before her Mona saw Professor Snape's tall figure.

"My apologies I didn't mean to frighten you," he said calmly.

"That's alright, its just nobody is usually down here at this time of night," she said. "Was there something I could help you with?"

"As a matter of fact yes, I was coming to talk with you," he said.

"Oh, I see, well we can go back to my rooms if you like," she said. He nodded in acknowledgement.

"….. No it can wait until tomorrow," he said as a thick cloud of anxiety came down over him. he didn't look at her, but she watched him with mystification and concern across her face.

"Are you sure, if its important I really don't mind," she said manoeuvring the books she was carrying into a more comfortable position.

"No, it can wait…." He turned and began to walk away when he felt her warm hand grasp him on the arm. He turned and looked down at her hand with its long thin fingers and perfectly shaped fingernails. Meeting his eyes with her, she withdrew her hand quickly and muttered sorry under her breath. "It is all right, now isn't a good time, tomorrow maybe," with that he left her in the darkness as his wands light left with him. a complete and total mystery that man was and Mona expected that he would never become less so.

Slamming the oak door of his office loudly behind him Severus grabbed the first breakable object he saw and threw it violently against the wall. It was a bottle of pure alcohol. as the glass hit the wall some parts reverberated back and cut him the hands and face. He fell to his knees and watched the blood from the deep cut gauged on the palm of his hand slide down between his fingers.

That night he drank himself to sleep, the despair and pain that had once brought him to tears many years before had suddenly reappeared from the depths. It cut him so deeply he could do nothing but let himself cry. It was all his fault. If he had not run back to the dark lord as soon as he heard that damn prophecy Lily would at least still be alive. Even if she wasn't with him, she would be alive and he would be bale to see her, happy.


	4. Chapter 4

Anchored Cloud, Chapter Four- My Problem

"Albus, I wanted to ask you something, about professor Snape," Mona said as she stood on the ladder in the headmaster's office rummaging through the shelves of books he had.

"Of course, my dear, ask away," the headmaster sat behind his desk reading a muggle gossip magazine, thoroughly entranced by the pictures and superficial articles, so much so it made him laugh.

"Is there a reason behind why I keep meeting him randomly where ever I go?" she asked.

"What do you mean," Albus put down the magazine and turned to look at the girl up the ladder.

"Well the other day I was working late in my classroom. When I was finished I walked down the astronomy tower corridor. I had too many things to carry to use my wand for some light. I didn't think there would be anyone there, but I walked straight into him, then he lit up his wand. It was as though he had been waiting for me… I don't it might have just been a coincidence. The thing there never is anyone there past dinnertime. Until much later of course for astronomy class, in the evening."

"I see, Professor Snape is a very introverted person, I think you would have realised that being an intelligent human being it is rather obvious," Albus stood and walked to stand near Mona. " He has faced many obstacles in his life Mona, you seem to have become the most recent one to add to the list,"

"Albus…" Mona looked down at the old man who looked troubled.

"Severus has found you an ever increasing problem, I feel since you came here. At first he would have been deeply insulted if I even brought up conversation to do with you. He would ignore you, I am sure you remember. His was considerably rude and discourteous with you, more so than I have ever seen with anyone else. I fear that he will never be able to engage in proper conversation with you dear. His past will always haunt the poor man." Albus watched her as she stared at the books on the shelf. "It hurts him too much to let another in and see who he sincerely is, you must understand this, he keeps everything so tightly looked away."

Although Albus had never actually come to any conclusions, Mona found that she had a very clear answer to her question. She would speak with him while it was still raw and in the forefront of her mind.

Hesitating before she knocked on the heavy oak door of professor Snape's office she wondered if this was just what Albus thought and felt, not what was true. She did knock and the soft baritone voice of the potions master granted her entry. Closing the door slowly behind her Severus stood out of surprise to find her there.

"Miss Felicis," he said, "How can I help you,"

"I wanted to speak with you Professor, on matter of some sensitivity."

"Yes, if it is to do with a student then I would request that we talk later, I am currently very busy" he said taking his seat again leaving Mona stood before him on the other side of the desk.

"No its nothing to do with any student, its to do with you," she said. He looked up at her and offered her the seat on the other side of the desk. As she sat down Mona noticed the bandage around his hand. "What happened to you hand?" she asked.

"An Accident with a glass bottle," he said, "the matter you wished to discuss…"

"Oh, yes umm…. The other night in the corridor… you were going to say something to me but you said it could wait. I have spoken with Albus he seems to think that I am some kind of problem for you," she said trying to keep eye contact with him, but he would not reciprocate.

" A problem is one way…. The other night I did want to tell you, or rather ask you something, but I lost my nerve so to speak. Many times I have wished to talk with you…" he set his quill down on the desk and screwed the lid back on the bottle of black ink before him, "… alone I wanted to tell that you are a problem. I wish for you not to get hurt, or to get caught up in any of the madness I have found myself in. I am not a safe person to be around admittedly but I find myself unable to keep away from you." There was a silence that seemed to last an eternity but was only a minute or so.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked him quietly.

"I am not one to succumb to my emotions professor, I do not wish to lose… please leave… our conversation is over." He immediately unscrewed the lid of his ink and began to write again.

"I know what you do for the order, I know its because you lost her and you feel guilty for her death… you shouldn't lock yourself away forever just because you lost one love… it is not fair on your heart, it feels, it isn't frozen as you would like us all to think," she said louder than she had intended. Severus rose quickly from his seat, his face stricken with rage.

"GET OUT, " he shouted at her. Mona immediately backed away from him in fear. "HOW DARE YOU COME IN HERE AND TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT FEEL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA!"

Mona was frozen to the spot in the middle of his office where she stood. Severus had not moved from the other side of his desk. The rage he felt surging up through him was overpowering. He could only stare at her, praying she would leave. A single tear ran down her cheek and he sank back into his chair.

"I already hurt you… why should it be any other way," he said. "Please go,"

Mona ignored his request again and walked over to his desk. She took the quill he had in hand away from him.

"Can we start again… please," she looked him straight in the eyes. He could do no more than nod in acknowledgement.

"I am sorry, I shouldn't have shouted at you, please accept my apology," he said.

"Of course I accept your apology professor," she sat back down in the chair opposite him.

"I don't know what to do," he said, hoping she would help, it was clear that Mona understood his problem. "I am not your problem and you should never be made to think that I am,"

"But you are my problem," she said, "I want you to be my problem,"

For quarter of an hour they sat in silence. Neither of them moved and neither of them made any attempts at conversation.

"I should leave you to your marking," Mona said and began to walk towards the door. Just before she reached it Severus caught her by the arm. She turned and found her self stood very close to the tall potions master, closer than she had expected.

"I don't allow people to see my fondness for anything, you understand that. I don't know how to and I fear I never will," he said. The tone in his voice had never changed throughout the entire conversation, other than when he became angry. The man had such control over himself, that appeared to be some form of coping mechanism he used.


End file.
