Fifty Shades Trilogy 1. Chapter 1

_Trying out a new story._ _I'll decide whether or not to continue it after I see what the general response is. Enjoy. _

Chapter 1: The Backstory.

The sounds of the traffic and the people of Seattle were soothing my anxiety about starting my mission tonight. It wasn't hard to find motivation when I saw Kate everywhere and within everything. She was supposed to be here with me and yet I'm alone in this big city grieving her loss every day. I constantly wonder how different I would be if she was still here. Jose had opened his gallery in Portland and I hated that I had to miss it but it would ruin everything. He knew me better than anyone and would most definitely know something was up considering I had changed almost everything about myself. The old Anastasia Steele disappeared with the body and soul of my best friend Kate Cavanaugh.

"Miss. Steele, I heard my building manager say as I walked through our grand lobby. It had beautiful tiled flooring that included a mosaic design filled with greens and blues. It was calming and gave me a sense of home when I was so far from anything that resembled it. I waited for the elevator impatiently and I had my stressful day at SIP to thank for it. Jack had managed to act even more like a douchebag than he had yesterday and if I didn't have my eyes set on another man to torture; he would have definitely been my next pick. This stupid braid kept making my neck itch as it messily fell down one shoulder but it would perk his interest which was its exact purpose.

"Ana, your hair looks great!" Reagan, my roommate, yelled at me excitedly. She was nothing like Kate; although, I did enjoy her company. Her 5'5 slender frame and strawberry blonde hair highlighted her pretty green eyes and pouty lips. She was the daughter of a wealthy plastic surgeon making her carefree and highly unconnected to the general public but her father traveled in the same circle as Christian Grey's parents.

"Thank you. I have to put my dress on really fast and then shoot out again to the dinner." I hurriedly told her as I escaped to my bedroom. It was an all neutral room of tans and whites that could calm anyone that walked into it. A white ruffled comforter lay messy on the bed with clothes scattered over it. A huff escaped me as I rolled my eyes at the mess. It was one of those mornings that within my anxiety about tonight, I took it out on my clothes. Nothing worked or looked good and I had to settle on a shift dress with pumps because it was safe. My candle warmer was releasing a heavenly aroma of vanilla that almost convinced me to just curl up in bed and relax but then I would think of vanilla and how it was Kate's favorite ice cream which in turn would just motivate me for tonight. I stilled at my reflection in the mirror as my blue eyes stared back at the unfamiliar woman. That's exactly what Anastasia Steele was now, a memory. I had given up everything to pursue him; to make him feel the pain I feel and it would all begin tonight. After brushing my teeth, I grabbed the dress off of the hanger admiring its classy sexiness. A one shoulder plum fitted dress that accentuated my curves while the tulled shoulder gave the dress more coverage. The mirror welcomed my reflection as my self-confidence couldn't have been greater. I looked stunning. My boyfriend Kyle had bought it for me for the dinner tonight. He was the perfect distraction as the Manager of Risk analyzers at an Investment Bank in Seattle. The draining work schedule left him very little time for me but enough time to take me to events and dinners. Tonight would be the first dinner that Christian Grey would actually attend and the first time we would meet. It would take every bone in my body to restrain myself from slapping him and then stabbing him with a fork but unfortunately for him, his pain would have to be endured over time.

"Kyle is here" Reagan spoke through my cracked door and I grabbed my clutch to meet him in our living room.

"You look beautiful as always." He looked at me with desire but it had never affected me before. I lied through our embrace as I kissed him on the lips and I waved excitedly at Reagan as we left. Only a couple seconds passed before he was on his phone which gave me time to attend to mine. Jack, my boss, had managed to send me three emails in the past ten minutes all demanding for my immediate attention. Another purpose for tonight would be to scout a new job because Jack was trouble, I could feel it. We pulled up to the Arctic Club and I saw Christian step out of his Audi with his mother as his date. My heart stopped for a second as I saw the object of my obsession. He was as handsome as every girl had described including Kate. I can see why she became so infatuated with him. His copper hair, muscular yet lean build, and those penetrating grey eyes could ruin any woman as I knew he had. He was a selfish jack ass that ruined my best friend and even that boyish grin he was sporting couldn't save him. Matt grabbed my hand, snapping me out of my stare of Christian Grey, and he helped me out of the town car. We joined Christian and his mother in front of the papers and their camera's. As we approached I saw him look at me and I kept my smile small as I curled into Kyle's side and smiled for the camera's. I knew he would expect a longer response or at least a double take because that's the typical response he receives from women. My body could feel his stare as he was that intense and a victorious grin graced my face at the win. We followed them into the Northern Dome Lights Room of the hotel as my eyes relished the historical elegance of the architecture. My eyes drew up as the beautifully set chandelier stole the vision of the room. Kyle pulled me in the opposite direction that Christian was heading and we made our rounds to greet people. I kept my presence understated as I let him do all the talking and I laughed at all the right times. Their conversations were mostly background noise as I kept my focus on my purpose to draw Christian in. The gap grew smaller between us as we both neared the end of our introductions to the various couples in the room. I could feel his approach before I saw him and his mother initiated the introductions.

"Kyle, it is so nice to see you again. I hope you are taking good care of our investments." She had an aged and warm voice that reminded me of my mother especially when she grabbed my hand.

"This is my girlfriend Anastasia Steele." His hand at my back ushered me forward as I felt her squeeze gently and smile. Christian's gaze excited my body as I had never been so close to him before.

"My dear, it is so nice to meet you. You are beautiful. I am Grace Trevylan-Grey and this is my son Christian Grey" She offered Kyle a congratulatory look which I could only internally laugh at. _If you only knew. _Christian held out his hand and I embraced it to feel an overwhelming sense of ego. Here he was, in the flesh, the self-serving billionaire that made my best friend commit suicide ruining more than just her life.

"It's very nice to meet the both of you. Thank you for your complement." Matt's phone rang again as he left me to return to business and Grace became distracted by another couple. I was left with him and all his brooding good looks. He didn't seem to recognize my name and my heart slowed to only a nervous pace now.

"A woman like you shouldn't be left unattended, Miss. Steele." I gave him my best amused look even though I felt confused. In the past year of plotting, I thought I would immediately feel hate for him but his presence was as overpowering as some had described. It was clouding my judgment.

"If you only knew just how true that statement is Mr. Grey." I walked to my table that had a perfect view of his. It was a much needed break from his intense energy and I took deep breaths to recompose myself. My hands were sweaty and I hated the effect he had just had on me. It made me feel out of control and I realized just how serious Kate was about his presence. _Arousal and attraction is your body's reaction. It's not a weakness. _My thoughts were unusually comforting and logical today as I looked over to his table to see only those Grey eyes. He was a very entertaining solo show as that's exactly what he was. It was calming to see him so unknowing to my watch. Matt returned to my side, kissing my cheek softly, and whispering how much he wanted me out of the dress. I had to roll my eyes at his train of thought considering he had been paying more attention to his phone. The dinner began and the speeches started with Grace being the first speaker. She was elegant and intelligent, a voice that struck all ears and demanded attention. I envied her obvious happiness but she was collateral damage in this fight and I had to keep reminding myself to stay detached from the pawns. After she was finished, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I knew Christian wouldn't follow during his mother's speech but he would most likely now. The floor met my heels during the applause easing my anxiety about the sound in the silence and I walked with confidence and grace; traits I knew were appealing to all men. I pretended to answer a call and I snuck into the nearest conference room to give him the privacy to approach me. As I neared the far wall of the room, I heard the door shut and I turned to see him lock it. I kept up the appearance of a phone call and I hung up to see him approaching.

"This is inappropriate Mr. Grey. I'm sure a man of your stature has better social etiquette skills than this." He grabbed my wrist as I turned to walk away from him and he stared at me. Those grey eyes searching for a response and I let me eyes look away from his to give him the power he so desperately needed.

"Don't. I have a boyfriend and this is just crazy." I threw my hands up to reinforce my statement but his stare darkened with more intent.

"I'm taking you out tomorrow for dinner. I'll pick you up at 6 and I want your hair braided like this." His words hit me sexually and I relished it. Why not allow myself to enjoy the journey I was about to take him on? He was a captivating speaker and if Kate's image didn't flash in my mind as I looked at him, I might have been mesmerized.

"Does that generally work with women Mr. Grey?" I let me eyes fall to the floor to portray some submission. I knew he enjoyed it because Kate had told me so. It did the trick as he pulled on my braid and brought me closer.

"I, generally, don't have to approach women Miss. Steele." His brazen voice did sexual things to my inner self that no other man had even within the first month of my drunken stupor after Kate's death; although, I was not competent or coherent for most of it. I dramatized shock to make it obvious I didn't truly feel that way and I stormed out of the conference room. A devious smile formed on my face as I walked back to the dinner enjoying the progress of my mission. The rest of the dinner devoted to the abolishment of gang related crime in Seattle dragged on and the end couldn't come fast enough. I had managed to avoid Christian for the rest of the night but I sent him several stares to subtly inform him that I would most likely not refuse his date tomorrow. Matt sat next to me in the town car, his phone glued to his ear, and it made the breakup I was about to enforce much easier on me. We approached my building when he finally decided to offer me some of his attention.

"Matt, we're over. You managed to leave me several times tonight and your constant need for your phone is more than I can handle." He feigned shock but I knew that most of his past relationships ended this way because of the same reasons. It made me grateful though that I didn't have to endure a long conversation. I got out of the town car to see an Audi parked across the street, filling me with content that my night was going according to plan. When the elevator doors closed, my entire body relaxed considering the rest of the night I could resume with an ounce of my real self. Reagan was out for the night and probably wouldn't return until the early hours of the morning most likely with a guy whose name she would most likely not remember. It was an entertaining show to watch in the morning though and made breakfast bearable. My silk pajama's clung to my body as I made my way to my bed throwing the clothes on the floor and promising myself that I'll clean it in the morning. I got the locked box out of my side table and opened it as I did every night. My parent's picture lay on top making my smile in reverie at the memory when it was taken. They were sitting in our backyard, my mother sitting on his lap and my father beaming at her. It was during my seventeenth birthday, the year before they died in a car accident. The memory was a favorite that I kept in the forefront of my mind so I could easily access it in times when I would need them. Underneath their photo was one of Kate and I pre Christian so her hair was blonde of course. We were at the bar celebrating Jose's birthday and it was one of my most favorite nights with her as we danced the night away. I had never seen her so carefree and happy as it was after we had graduated and the week before we moved here. Our move here was the beginning of the end for her. I remember the change in her after she had met Christian during an interview at his office. She had just colored her hair brown for winter as she usually did and I had never seen her so smitten with anyone. It quickly faded as she was gone most weekends and she spent the week craving him. She had told me his name after one of our biggest fights and then begged me not to say anything because she had signed an NDA. I gritted my teeth at the memory and my anger reappeared. Any photo of her and I seemed to have this effect on me but I had gotten better at calming myself. I guess her death would have been easier to take if I hadn't been the one to find her and if I hadn't been the firsthand witness to the demise of Kate Cavanaugh; a beautiful and resilient woman who disappeared one day at a time after her meeting with him. I closed the box as to not torture myself anymore and lay my head back on my silk pillows closing my eyes.

"Would you like some clothes with that water?" I asked the built man standing naked in my kitchen that failed to realize my presence. His headache was evident as he rubbed his temples and headed back to Reagan's bedroom. I had to smile at the entertainment she so easily provided me. I spent the rest of the day running errands, working out, and then going out for lunch with a co-worker who needed to vent about Jack also. I was standing in my kitchen at 6:00 when I heard the doorman ring up.

"Miss. Steele, there is a gentleman here that says you are expecting him. It's a Christian Grey m'am." A devious smile graced my face as I allowed him to be let up. I had on my skinny jeans, blazer, and pumps with my hair pulled back in a ponytail and my bangs framed my face. The look on his face at my hairstyle when I opened the door pleased me and he barged in angry.

"Your hair is not braided Miss. Steele. I should take you over my knee right here."

"Like a child Mr. Grey?" I asked him with a look of amusement.

"Keep defying me Miss. Steele. I will make you relish in the pain and pleasure you will feel later tonight." I took a deep breath and approached him.

"Mr. Grey, you have grossly misjudged me if you think I am going anywhere with you tonight." I hated to admit that the game was arousing and made me feel guilty at the same time. This wasn't something to be enjoyed but yet his brazen attitude was refreshing from the general bullshit of the world.

"I don't grossly misjudge people Miss. Steele. I'm certain that my judgment of you is accurate, so gather your things and let's go." I stared at him to give the right amount of time to make it seem as though I was contemplating the idea. His award-winning smile stared at me as I picked up my purse. When I opened the door for him to leave he pinned me against it kissing me and dragging his tongue against mine.

"Imagine me doing that to you everywhere?" He whispered into me ear before heading down the hallway.

Who knew retaliation could taste so sweet?


	2. Chapter 2: Challenge Me

_Thank you for all your reviews. I seemed to have mixed up names from my A Matched Opponent story in the first chapter. So sorry for the confusion. Enjoy Chapter 2 and as always let me know what you think! There is a huge twist in the story so a lot might not make sense right now but it will. I have pictures on my Facebook of the outfits and hairstyles of Ana if anyone is interested. Just search Deenz Fanfiction in the search box. _

Chapter 2: Challenge Me

I stood next to him in the elevator still reeling from his kiss. His whisper replayed in my mind teasing my ear and my arousal. He was an intense brute standing next to me and he exuded a commanding presence of anyone's attention which he received from my doorman and a female neighbor who stared too long to be casual. His chivalry was surprising as he opened the door and I climbed into his beautiful Bentley Mulsanne. It had lavish cream leather interior highlighted by mood lighting and wood veneer trays snapped into the backs of the driver and passenger seats. I noticed a man in his 40's sitting in front with earphones in who I presumed was his driver. He said the name of the restaurant and it was one that I recognized because Kyle had also taken me there once. It was a French restaurant if I remembered correctly and the food was divine. He sat quietly next to me before removing a folder from a briefcase that was in the front passenger seat. I prepared myself for upcoming conversation knowing that I had to keep my answers short but open for discussion.

"Miss Steele. Before we begin our discussion, I would kindly ask you to sign a confidentiality agreement stating that you will not speak of our exchanges to anyone. I know this is an odd request." He handed me the contract and I read through it to see what my limitations were. It was very straight forward requiring me to stay hush about our topics of conversation and any of our private interactions.

"May I have a pen please?" I looked at him in all seriousness to see his face register with shock.

"What? No defiance Miss Steele?" He asked me and I knew I had to calmly and intelligently respond to keep him interested.

"I understand that a man of your standing requires different circumstances when dealing with others. I also don't kiss and tell Mr. Grey." He eyed me as if I were dressed in lingerie and I brushed my bangs back behind my ears to sign the contract easier. After I signed, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"I do need a copy. I hope you understand." I'm sure most women don't feel the need to ask as they feel lucky just to be within his company.

"Of course, Miss Steele. You are the first person to ever ask. I admire that about you." I crossed my legs to become more comfortable and he settled back into the car as he began his pitch.

"I live a different lifestyle than most Miss. Steele especially in regards to my sex life. I am a Dominant and I am currently seeking a new submissive. Are you familiar with these terms?" He spoke gracefully and his voice incredibly seductive as he lingered on certain words to emphasize them.

"I am familiar but not engrossed. I'm sure each relationship is different. I had a friend once who experimented with it and that's the extent of my knowledge." My bangs fell freely in my face and I could tell he found it amusing along with my response.

"I have a contract here for you to look over. It states my expectations and." I cut him off because if I were going to accomplish my plan of revenge then I needed him to view me differently than his usual submissives.

"Mr. Grey, I can tell you right now that I decline your offer. I don't have any ill feelings towards the lifestyle itself, it's just not for me." He didn't seem shocked at my decline but he just stared at me probably measuring how serious I was. It all seemed so formal; but I hadn't expected anything less. He was about to say something when we pulled up to the restaurant.

"We'll resume this conversation at dinner." As he left the car I was able to roll my eyes at the absurdity of it all before he opened my door and offered his hand. I took his hand and he pulled me close drawing out his embrace; his eyes dark with desire. I pulled away and walked towards the restaurant wishing that my body didn't react as it did with him. It was betraying my mind. He was extraordinarily handsome up close and his expressions even more seductive when accompanied by the scent of his cologne. We were ushered into a back into a private dining room, one that I had never noticed before and he pulled my chair out for me. _Downright sexy and fucking chivalrous. No wonder Kate. _He sat across from me and ordered wine for us both and I let that one slide just because I really did need a glass.

"So you work at SIP Publishing? How do you like it?" I acted shocked and then took a sip of my wine before answering.

"You hold too much money Mr. Grey." I shook my head in feigned frustration. "I love my job and I'm getting used to my boss. He reminds me of you, forward and he feels entitled to personal information." I could tell that last comment hurt his ego a bit.

"Miss Steele. Don't mistake my silence for indifference. I will punish you for your insolence." He said it so calmly and his stare bold with seriousness that I was grateful I had jeans on because I was squirming in the wetness of my panties. He was such a change of pace from the usual first dates defined by awkward silences, bullshit chatter, and the occasional inappropriate sexual innuendo.

"Now, why don't we talk about what parts of my lifestyle are not for you? We can amend the contract." He pulled out a contract and handed it to me when the waiter brought our food. "Please make sure no-one bothers us." He told him as he handed him a wad of cash. It was oddly consoling sitting here with him and viewing probably the same contract Kate did. I always wonder how she fell into this lifestyle but sitting here with his holy orgasm himself made it easier to comprehend. Did he really have the ability to change a woman completely? Was this his motivation, to break women?

I flipped through the contract finding specific talking points to negotiate with. _Weekends, unlimited clothing budget(nice), no snacking between meals, fisting, anal, whips?" _I knew he would be hardcore but he was enveloped in much more kink than I had originally expected. I pretended to read the contract but I was going to use the time to question him.

"How many submissives have you had?" I asked still looking at the contract as if it was the most nonchalant conversation we were having.

"Several." He replied in the same manner.

"So at the end of the contract date, do you ever discuss renewal or you just find a new one?" I wanted to know his dynamic with his usual subs and how he treated them because according to this contract, it wasn't a normal dominant and submissive relationship. I had done my research, talked to submissives who had all claimed that submissives held all the power.

"To be honest, most never made it to the end contract date. I have had to terminate the contract early because they started to want more." That's what I was looking for because he did not do that with Kate.

"Well, you must be real good at what you do then." It didn't mean to escape my mouth so sarcastically but it brought me back to the argument that broke the last tie between Kate and me. I remember it so clearly.

_Kate came into our apartment unusually quiet and Ethan and I had just had dinner and were watching T.V. He had no idea what was going on with her and he had come over because his family was worried about her. She had changed, become quieter, distant, and had quit calling her parents. Kate went straight to her room and Ethan left hurt because she passed him as if he didn't exist. _

"_What the fuck Kate? Your brother has been here waiting and worrying about you all damn day!" I screamed at her in frustration. It had passed the point of ridiculous and ran straight to what the fuck territory. _

"_I told him I loved him." She spoke quietly and her gaze at the floor. Now that I think about it, she was a damn true and practiced submissive. It took me a second to comprehend and I had sincerely hoped that he had ended it with her because of it. _

"_And. What did he say?" She looked at me with tears in her eyes. _

"_He said he loved me too." _ _My heart sank because I knew this was it for her. Apart from kidnapping the damn woman and taking her far away, I had to sit and watch her endure his cruel torture. _

"_So, will you be allowed more than weekends with him?" She didn't even answer me and just went into the bathroom to shower. It was pure torture for me and everyday became more depressing. _

"I would love to spank you so hard right now." His low and melodic voice broke me out of my memory of Kate. I put the contract down and attended to my food as I always could think better on a full stomach and I had plans to go out with Reagan tonight anyways meaning I would need food for the alcoholic beverages I planned to consume after this. I could only smirk at him; my mind was too clouded with the memory of Kate to retort with something witty.

"I will go over this later and give you the amended contract tomorrow. We can negotiate then." I spoke confidently and he sat up angrily in his seat and he glared at me.

"Tell me now what you don't agree with in the contract." He demanded and I took a bite of my steak that melted in my mouth as the seasoning ignited my tastebuds. It was delicious. I let out a sigh and picked up the contract again.

"I enjoy my weekends Mr. Grey and would prefer not to spend every one of them catering to you. Can we do Sundays?" I hated to give him that because Sundays were my days to recover from Saturday and prepare for Monday. I could see his hand shaking probably because he wanted to spank me here. I had pepper spray if he dare tried.

"Miss Steele. I have never wanted to accommodate any of my subs in this way but I feel differently with you. What if I gave you two Saturdays off out of the month?" I could see the taut pull of his face as he hated to negotiate on days but he surprised me with his counteroffer.

I took a pen out of my purse and changed the dates on the contract. It wasn't set it stone but I would give myself the night to think about it. As much as I wanted to avenge Kate; I could tell how easily I could become dependent on this routine.

"I'll consider it this evening and then get back to you." I felt a chill go through me at his facial expression filled with frustration and anger.

"Decide now Miss Steele." His voice was controlled yet somewhat shaky and I assumed it was because he was now very pissed at me. I took another bite of the delicious steak, taking it off of my fork seductively just to rile him up more. It was my purpose, to torture him.

"No thank you. I have plans tonight with my roommate but I will be able to consider everything in the contract and give you my set of demands and expectations in the morning. That is if you still want one." He stood up so fast yet graceful and eyed me as if I was his prey and I could feel myself getting wetter with every step he took. He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the chair dragging me into the private bathroom of the dining room. My heart was racing and my sex was on fire as he locked the door and pinned me against it. He had me begging within, for him to touch me, anywhere and everywhere yet he just kept his forehead at mine and I could feel his breath on my lips. I was able to restrain myself longer than him and his mouth attacked mine, thick with sexual intent. His tongue began to manipulate mine and a small growl left him at the ease of some of our sexual tension. Heat flooded my body as he pulled at my lips with his teeth and my mind and body had finally agreed on a purpose, to come. I pushed back against him and could feel his erection through his pants making me desperate. His large hands went under my shirt, running them up my stomach and underneath my bra where he pulled at my nipples and pinched them. I threw my head back.

"Oh my god." I managed to get out and I looked back up to see him grinning in success. I needed him to touch me and he knew it. I could feel his hands on my jeans, unbuttoning and unzipping them, pulling them down violently in frustration. He could see just how wet I was from the stain in my panties and he ran his fingers against my clit and dipping them into my opening. I had never been so desperate and I wanted to take his hand and do it for him but he kept up his torturous tease; sliding his fingers back and forth making my legs shake as I stood. He finally thrusted his fingers in only to pull them back out.

"Beg." His voice a low growl spoke into my ear and my body muscles responded to his pheromones and the chemicals before I could even think.

"Please." I whined at him in need of a release and soon.

"Please, sir." He growled into my ear again as he slid his fingers against my sex again making me shiver.

"Please, sir." I begged and his fingers entered me again giving me some gratification but definitely not enough. He drove them into me faster and harder as I could hear his breathing fasten.

"Jesus, you're so wet." His low and breathy voice said as I could feel him massage my most sensitive spot inside me making my legs weak and he moved me against the bathroom sink. I gripped the countertop as pleasure built up inside me. Small moans were escaping my mouth as he kept going faster and his thumb began its torture on my clit making my grip even the countertop harder. He would bring me so close taking his fingers and moving them so deep inside me only to pull them back out. I thought I would pass out if he didn't make me come and then he would thrust his fingers back inside me making me exhale sharply with minor release. I was biting my lip and my breathing was shaky almost violent with pleasure and I was going to come. I was so close, my body was ready, and I so desperately needed it when he brought his mouth to my ear.

"Sign the contract Miss Steele and I will finish you off. You will be begging for me tonight." I stilled at his demand and he took his fingers out of me; making me watch him suck them clean and he left. I stood there trying to calm my breathing but I was still so full of need for a release. I debated finishing myself off but it would be letting him win. My pants and panties were at my knees and I rolled my eyes at my current sight. He was a drug, a fucking addictive sex drug and no wonder Kate acted like she was going through withdrawals during the week. I pulled my panties and pants back up before fixing my hair in the mirror. As I came out of the bathroom, he sat at the table at ease eating his steak as if he hadn't just finger fucked me in the bathroom and left me without an orgasm. If I were as immature as him, I would probably throw my drink on him but I decided against it partly because I was still having trouble controlling my muscles after our bathroom session. I sat at the table to see him look at me entertained at my flushed cheeks and glazed eyes.

"Are you okay Miss. Steele?" He asked facetiously.

"I'm fine Mr. Grey." I drank the rest of my wine hoping it would desensitize my nerves some but it only made me hornier.

"Would you like to discuss the contract now?" He was exuding success as if what he just did would truly make me sign this ridiculous formal contract in regards to an act I believed should be performed on straight pheromones and excitement.

"Actually, I think this is my cue to leave. My roommate is waiting." I stood and walked over to him bringing my head close to his ear and I put my hand at his still hard erection making him still now.

"Be careful Mr. Grey. That torture in the bathroom might just have secondary results you didn't plan on. I will be looking for a release tonight, desperately after that, and I can't guarantee it will be you." I licked and bit the lobe of his ear making him grab my wrist that I pulled out quickly. As I got to the French doors of the private dining room I could hear him slam his napkin on the table.

"Get back here Miss Steele, we are not finished!" His deep voice yelled at me and I turned to see him enraged.

"You're right. I am not finished but I have you to blame for that now don't I?" I shut the door behind me and continued past the conversations of the restaurant where I met the sidewalk and cold breeze. It felt refreshing and calmed my racing heart a bit as I hailed a cab. I turned to see Christian coming through the restaurant and I jumped in knowing that it wasn't the last time I would see him but at least for tonight it was.

"Bathtub Gin and Co." I told the driver as it was one of Reagan's favorite bars. The exposed brick and leather couches scattered throughout made it relaxed yet high end enough for her to frequent. When I got there she was surrounded by two guys hanging on every word she said.

"Ana!" She screamed obviously a little tipsy already. "I love the outfit! I'll need to borrow that blazer sometime!" She patted the barstool next to her excitedly and I sat and ordered a margarita. One of the guys she was talking to kept smiling at me as if I was emitting sexual energy waves which I probably was. Neither of them were worth my time and most of the men generally bored me but now they were beneath that after my dinner with Christian. I enjoyed the conversation that these two accountants used to ramble off how she should invest her money and just how much money they had. It was entertaining to say the least and after my second margarita I switched to water. I had become much better with monitoring my alcohol intake and mostly because I hated being out of control now. Reagan began to dance in the middle of the bar and I admired her drunken self-confidence. She was grinding with one of the accountants, I think his name is Sam, and they were making out like high schoolers. The other one, whose name I didn't even bother with, gave up on me and managed to try and work his magic on a different group of girls across the bar. Saturday's were my nights with Reagan that I could spend a couple of hours not obsessing over Kate's death.

"I'm staying with Sam tonight." Her big smile grinning at me and I did my usual, are you sure, can I take you home, routine before giving up and watching her leave. I paid and left hailing another cab and telling him my apartment building. I couldn't remember the last time I had felt so tired and but I was going to stay up long enough to let my vibrator cure my much need for an orgasm. I walked into the lobby to see my doorman smiling at me and I stopped when I saw Christian sitting in one of the chairs.

"Christian? What are you doing here?" He stood and pulled me towards the elevator. He didn't say a word and I could feel that he was frustrated and closed off. We got into the elevator and walked down my hall towards my apartment in silence as I figured he would yell at me inside the apartment. I almost decided to not let him in but this might be a defining moment for us that I would need. As soon as I opened the door he pulled me inside and locked it. I took my heels off thankful for that release of pain and he took my wrist dragging me down the hall.

"Which one is your room?" He asked controlled and frustrated. I led him into my bedroom where he spun me around and took his hands on my shoulders pushing my blazer off.

"Get on the bed." My body did as it was told before my head could intervene and I could feel the heat of my sex and the wetness he was now demanding from me. I watched him take off his shirt revealing an impressive display of chiseled abs and I couldn't help but bite my lip at the pelvic muscle that formed a beautiful V. I was excited and horny which overrode any ability to refuse him.

"I am going to fuck you hard and I will decide if you're worthy to come tonight." Well, I almost came at the statement itself so my chances increased for an orgasm. They say to take revenge half-heartedly will always lead to disaster so either condemn your hatred or crown it and I planned on making him a goddamn king tonight.


	3. Chapter 3: Guilt and Revenge

_To see a picture of Ana's outfit, search Deenz Fanfiction on facebook. Enjoy and Thank you to those who have responded to this story in any way! More clues will be given next chapter.  
_

Chapter 3: Guilt and Revenge

Christian's dark jeans hung on those beautiful hips as he approached the bed eyeing me intently.

"Take your shirt off." I did as he asked feeling the chill of the room hit me but I was too focused on his body and movements to care.

"Your bra." He had a raspiness in his voice that sounded desperate and needy. I put my hands behind my back as I unsnapped my bra revealing my breasts and protruding nipples. He looked hungrily at my breasts and then back up to my face. His hands carefully unbuttoned my jeans, pulling them down along with my panties leaving me completely naked on the bed for him to devour. The anticipation was punishing enough as I could feel the excitement of my sex grow. He ran his fingers up my thighs making me squirm in place and he quickly grabbed my ponytail pulling my entire body up by my hair. His teeth teased my lips as he bit my lower lip and pulled it before running his teeth along my jaw. I quivered at the sensation falling weakly into his hold.

"Submit more." He whispered into my ear before running his hand against my clit and feeling how wet he made me. I took deeper breaths trying to calm myself but his hand slid slowly tormenting every nerve in my body and it grew harder to keep my breaths from growing rapid. I couldn't even smack myself at the sight of my body responding to every command he shouted. Was I even in here or was I now a new person that he created, a sexual being awoken that I had never met? I moaned as his fingers dipped into me and he pulled me by my hair off the bed.

"Get on your knees and look at the floor." Well, hell if that was going to happen. I was not that submissive and I never wanted him to view me that way.

"No!" I replied and he pushed his fingers deeper into me, touching my g-spot swiftly, and then pulling them out. I was writhing with need for him to continue but I couldn't give myself completely to him. He pulled my hair tighter before asking again.

"Get on your knees and look at the floor." That's when I knew this was over and added motivation surged through me when I saw the look in his eyes. He had progressed into a sexual state with a body and no longer a person. He viewed me as a submissive woman and not Ana.

"Let go of my hair right now." I yelled at him only to see him pull tighter as if I had signed that contract and agreed to this exchange. My heart began to race as I was completely out of my element when I remembered the term safe word. We had never established one so I just began to yell.

"Safeword! Safeword! Fucking Safeword Christian!" It snapped him out of his Dominant position and he let go confused at my yelling. I was breathing heavily and all I wanted to do was cover myself because I was humiliated at what he had managed to do to me.

"Uh. I. I'm sorry." He stuttered out but I was already enraged.

"Get out!" I yelled as I searched for something to cover myself with so I didn't look like an idiot naked on the floor. He kept staring at me and his remorse was evident but I couldn't stand it. The idea that this is what he did to Kate on a regular basis sickened me. I had failed her, shit, I just realized how easy it was to become her especially with someone like him. He just stood there without moving until I threw his shirt at him.

"Christian, get the fuck out before I do something crazy." _That was intimidating. _I was in desperate need for an orgasm, pissed, and humiliated. My mind didn't know how to process it and I was throwing out retorts like a high schooler. He finally left my room leaving me to walk around naked without his viewing and I grabbed my robe from my bathroom. My heart was still racing, my hands shaking, and the tears were on the brink of falling from my eyes. It was then I realized I had completely underestimated Christian Grey. I sat on the edge of the sink with my head against the mirror spacing out for I don't know how long just replaying the past fifteen minutes in my head. I couldn't figure out when he changed or if he had come that detached. I jumped off the sink and sank into my bed hoping that I would be able to consider my options at this point. My plan of revenge wasn't going as planned but I wasn't going to become Kate just to avenge her. I would need to ruin him another way and that is what I would spend all day tomorrow deciding. My hands were still shaking and I hated it. All it did was bring back a memory of Kate feeling the same way I did.

_She had locked herself in her room since she had come home and I had only tried once to get in before giving up. _

"_Ana! Can you help me please?" She screamed from inside her room and I huffed towards the door. Of course, now we are all at the service of Kate because she had given us all no choice. We were all catering to her, trying to bring her back, and trying to stop her downward spiral. I opened the door to see her standing beside her bed and she looked in pain. Obviously, she was in pain; it was Sunday. I walked closer before she noticed I had come in. _

"_Can you help me fix this sheet?" A corner of her fitted sheet for her king sized bed had come undone and it pained her to even try and reach for it. _

"_Sure. What did he do to you now?" I uttered irritably at her to see her look at me in disdain. _

"_Ana, please don't start. He just used some new toys on me today that we had never experimented with before. It's nothing a little aloe won't fix." She tried to be upbeat at her last statement but I could see she was in pain: physically and emotionally. I fixed the corner of her sheet and readied the bed for her as she slid in slowly; hissing in pain as she lay on her back. "I just hope he sees me now." I heard her whisper to herself and I was done. It was like Groundhog Day as this is all I remembered of her now. Her pain and sadness was so constant that even I was having a problem dealing with the general population outside of our apartment. _

My phone ringing snapped me out of the memory thankfully because the rest of it was even more brutal to remember. I finally understood what she had meant by that statement. My phone was vibrating loudly on my side table as I picked it up to see a text from a number I didn't recognize.

_I'm truly sorry. You are different. _

I scoffed at the text as I'm sure it was the exact thing he would do with Kate. What bothered me the most is that I actually let myself connect enough to feel hurt at what he did and then feel an ounce of excitement at his text. Do I have a right when my intentions were to hurt him? What am I going to do now with him? It was too damn late for me to answer the world's questions and I refused to let him ruin my night more by making me evade sleep. My eyes closed with tears as it was the first time in a year I had felt so connected to Kate and I fought my conscious to bring back a memory of her I actually enjoyed. I fell asleep to her and I sitting on the couch watching Practical Magic as we made up spells to catch our dream men. Maybe our mistake was simple. Maybe, we had just spoken our spells wrong...

"Ana! There is a very tan and good looking man here for you." I heard Reagan yell as she jumped on my bed and began to shake me.

"Okay! Reagan. When did you get home?" I asked her confused as I looked at the time. It was 8am in the morning.

"Like a half hour ago. I couldn't stand uh that guys snoring anymore." I couldn't help but giggle at the fact that she didn't remember his name and I sat up slowly.

"Who is it?" I had an inkling that it would be Christian and if it were I would need to at least brush my teeth and my hair before I greeted him this morning.

"Uh. Not sure. He looks Mexican." She whispered to me when I jumped up in excitement. I ran quickly propelling myself around the door frame as I saw Jose standing there smiling.

"Jose!" I jumped on him in elation as I felt his arms wrap around me. He put me down and then looked me up and down making sure I was still had every body part I was born with.

"You are in big trouble Ana. You haven't called and now, you look different. Something is going on with you." Well, we were getting straight to business and this is why I hadn't called because I knew he would be able to sense the change in me. The last time we had seen each other was our trip to Kate's cabin where her family spread her ashes.

"Jose, I'm fine. I have just discovered the world of makeup, hair color, and fashion." I tried to be as cute as I could to distract him and he just shook his head. It would take all damn day to convince him I were fine and it would take a fucking lifetime to convince myself. "What are you doing here?" He looked at me with a smile on his face.

"I am here to spend the day with my best friend and to make sure she hasn't disappeared in the bustle of the city."

"Oh, you worry too much." I waved a hand at him before we walked back to my bedroom. He sat on my bed as I brushed my teeth.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked him through my toothbrush to see him rolls his eyes at me.

"Whatever. I just thought it would be nice to spend some time together." I watched him look around the room discovering my new sense of style. I finished up with my teeth before walking back in.

"I was going to hit the gym if you have some clothes and we can get some lunch?" He shook his head in agreement and I grabbed a bag to get my things ready. I changed into some running clothes and we stopped in the living room to grab his bag too. Reagan was already asleep in her bed as I peeked in and we headed downstairs into the lobby. It was a cloudy day outside as we approached the doors but a perfect 70 degrees out as soon as we stepped outside.

"My gym is just down the block here." I pointed and I hooked my arm through his as we caught up on the past year. His gallery was successful and he wanted to take pictures after lunch getting me excited because I loved to watch him photograph. We walked into my gym and hit our separate locker rooms before meeting at the treadmills. I ran off my frustration and anxiety from the night before along with the guilt I felt for letting Kate down along with myself. No man had ever made me feel like he did and I couldn't tell if it was his stature and power or good looks which just made me feel worse because now I'm that girl. My chest began to burn and I continued to push myself in efforts to maybe gain some clarity over the situation. The first rule in revenge is to keep yourself detached and he made it damn near impossible. His fingers and tongue were little pleasure pushers clouding my ability to make a rational decision. I groaned out loud in frustration because the more I thought about it the more I realized that I had become weak. My thighs hurt and my chest burned enough for me to finally slow down the pace to cool down. Jose tapped me on the shoulder to tell me he was finished and we both went back down to shower and change. My excitement grew the more I thought about spending time with Jose. He was bringing a part of me back which was easier than acting like someone I wasn't. I threw on my white sundress, a brown belt at my waist, and I twisted my hair while I dried it to give it that beach wave look. At least the past year had given me better ability to style myself. We stopped at a little coffee shop to eat lunch and I felt a sense of calm. Christian was far from my memories as Jose and I talked about the good times including Kate. I laughed more than I had in years and it felt strengthening to have him inspire pieces of the old Ana to return.

"You ready to go shoot?" I asked him excitedly and we picked up our bags to go and drop them off at my apartment before heading off to the park.

We ended up at Kubota Park with an expansive Japanese Garden display and the trees blew lightly in the breeze. It was a busy day with families bringing their children and runners passing us by. It was a perfect Sunday as I let all of my stress fall away allowing the old Ana to return at least for my day with Jose.

"Go over on that bridge, I want to take your picture." I ran over as it had been a while since we had a photo shoot. He used to love taking Kate and I's pictures on a day like this. I was fighting the depression of not having her here for today as I turned to Jose and smiled. His pointer finger pushing away and I threw my head back laughing, feeling free from my new and controlled life. I thought I saw Christian out of the corner of my eye but chalked it up to my unresolved feelings. We walked over to an empty spot where I lay a blanket down and we both lay on our backs looking at the sky.

"Are you really okay? I'm worried about you." He spoke quietly and I wanted to tell him the truth but decided against it.

"I'm fine, Jose. The days get easier." I kept my eyes on the passing clouds enjoying the sight of them moving.

"Yeah. You deserve to be happy especially after having to deal with her those last months." I took a deep breath as my guilt returned. Everyone had begged me to help her and I tried. When the time had come, I felt like some of them still blamed me for her death. They never said it out loud but the way her mother and Ethan looked at me, I could feel it. The Cavanaugh's had all moved to Chicago trying to rid the horrible memories of Seattle.

"Happiness is overrated. I'm just looking for normal." I told him to hear him laugh at my response.

"Don't go overachieving now." He nudged me.

We finished talking as he told me he was dating a new girl. I, of course, had to grill him on the details and it was nice to have a friend I could do this with. Reagan and I were slowly getting there but she also was high energy and high maintenance. I led the way to a restaurant that I had become recently obsessed with. Purple Café and Wine bar was the perfect place for Jose and I as the usher showed us our seat. We picked a bottle of wine and dared each other to order something we had never had before. I told the waiter my order when I felt my phone vibrating in my purse.

_Come outside now. I will come in and carry you out if you don't. _

I immediately felt pissed at his demand. _And, here we go again. _

"I have to run outside for a sec. A co-worker of mine has some chapters they need to give me." I hurriedly told him only to see him roll his eyes in disbelief. I stepped outside to see a black limo and the door open.

"Get in Miss Steele." A low voice demanded me again and I climbed in to get the argument over with.

"Five minutes Mr. Grey." I told him sternly and he ran his hands through that magnificent copper hair of his.

"I needed to apologize in person. I'm sorry about last night." He looked at me, his grey eyes only meeting mine for a second before he pulled them away. My heartstrings pulled a bit as I could tell he was being sincere. _Oh don't be a little bitch. _My high school Ana who was a mean girl for all of a week yelled at me. We were on a roll tonight it seems.

"Christian, I am not a sex object. I also will never be your submissive. I can't after last night. You are forgiven if that's what you came for." He looked at me with a weak smile and I melted in my chair at the different Christian I was seeing. I grabbed the handle to leave and his hand was up at my cheek.

"Don't go yet." He said softly as he pulled my face to his kissing me softly and differently than last night. It was calm, lacking desperation, and all of the voices in my head vanished. It was his lips on mine and his fingers at my thigh that made me pull away trying not to let him affect me so much but his devious look said otherwise.

"I think I owe you something Miss Steele." A breathless statement left him as he got on the floor of the limo and I watched him curiously. His fingers came up my thighs as he hooked his fingers over my panties and pulled them down. I should say no but he did owe me and I did want it. He was also there with me, he could see me. I could feel the release of wetness as I saw his head kiss up my thighs.

"So ready Ana." Yup, that did it. The sound of my name leaving his lips had me and I let him work his magic.

"Minutes Mr. Grey." I whispered breathlessly and he laughed as if it wasn't even a challenge and the way that his tongue attacked my sex made me believe him. I spread my legs wider for him relishing the warmth of his tongue and his breath. His nose was nuzzled against my clit as his tongue entered me making me arch my back in pleasure.

"Ohhh, Christian." I moaned out only to have him tongue me faster and his moans were only turning me on more. I was so close when he put his mouth to mine pushing his tongue in and letting me taste myself. His fingers drove into me hard and fast and I loved the image of the veins in his forearm arm protruding with every thrust.

"God, your always so wet Ana." He whispered into my ear before bringing his teeth at my shoulder which did me in.

"Ohhh, myyy god." My body was contracting as he held me in place to help me ride it moving his fingers inside me slowly to prolong it. I finally opened my eyes to see him looking so proud of himself and he slid my panties back up.

"Thank you." I muttered out not quite sure of how to handle it now. I needed to get back to Jose. He laughed a boyish one finally making me witness to a relaxed Christian. "I have to go though. I have a friend waiting for me." He face returned to anger.

"Yes I know. The male photographer who is so obviously in love with you." I cocked my head to the side and narrowed my eyes at him before deciding that I didn't have time to get into this now. "I'll be by your apartment in an hour. Make sure you're there."

I tried to stop myself but I rolled my eyes at him.

"Ana!" He bellowed.

"Christian!" I shot back. He finally relaxed and I figured it was my cue to leave. I kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for the orgasm. I'll think about your visit." I teased him and then went back into the restaurant where Jose just stared at me.

"Did you just have sex?" He leaned in and whispered to me so that the other tables couldn't hear. "You did, you have your I just fucked someone look." I acted shocked but he knew me better than anyone else and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It depends on what form of sex you are referring to." I took a large gulp of my wine feeling relieved finally after Christian's torture last night. I was about to start eating my food when I noticed him walking towards our table.

"Shit." There went the rest of my wine and Jose's as I threw those babies back like a professional.


	4. Chapter 4: Berlin Wall

_Enjoy! Thank you all for your reviews and also to the guest reviewer who corrected me on the Kavanaugh spelling! I will try and update the other chapters to fix it! _

Chapter 4: Berlin Wall

"Jesus, Ana. I think you missed some." Jose said in shock as he motioned towards the bottle. I contemplated drinking straight out of it if Christian wasn't right there. I stood to smile at him as I narrowed my eyes only getting a devilish smirk in return.

"Ana. It's nice to see you again." He so nicely spoke to me; much different than his usual demanding behavior. _Oh, you're good. _

"Christian. This is my best friend Jose." I motioned towards Jose with a content smile on my face and Jose stood looking uncomfortable. It was odd for him but I figured it was because Christian's greetings were usually intimidating at first.

"Christian Grey." He stared at Jose for what seemed like forever as he shook his hand and still Jose looked pissed. "I'm Ana's boyfriend." He spat out and it was a nervous laugh that left me as Jose stared at me confused.

"He's kidding. We're not dating." I tried to reassure Jose but he looked at me with hurt.

"I better go. Ashley is probably waiting for me to get back. Thank you for a wonderful day." He hurriedly muttered and then kissed my cheek.

"Jose, please stay. We haven't eaten." He had already turned and started his walk to leave the restaurant and I couldn't run after him because we still needed to pay. I sat back down in my chair to see Christian already sitting in Jose's chair eating some of my celery sticks off my plate. As the waiter passed he grabbed his attention.

"Can you get rid of this plate and can I get a bottle of your best wine and a menu please?" The waiter, confused, nodded his head in agreement and cleared Jose's plate away. I could have killed him; I seriously contemplated it. I should carry around a vial of poison for times like these where just slipping it in someone's wine or food will make them disappear forever. _As if you would ever kill him, he's too pretty and sexually advanced to die. _Good point. I settled on shooting daggers out of my eyes at him which still couldn't phase his egotistical grin as he took casual bites of food off my plate.

"That is delicious. I should order that." He nodded his head at his statement.

"Are you serious right now? Do you understand that you just ruined my dinner?" The nerve he had to run Jose off and then try to eat dinner as if he hadn't.

"Ruined? Really? He got you a $45.00 bottle of wine. I'm enhancing your dining experience Miss Steele." I kept trying to call Jose who was obviously refusing my calls and I wasn't quite sure how to deal with Christian. I breathed a sigh of frustration and relief when the waiter brought the bottle of wine and I pointed to my glass first.

"Christian. You cannot do that. It was rude and childish. What is wrong with you?" I felt like I was reprimanding a child as he so clearly didn't understand why his behavior was wrong.

"I didn't do anything besides join a friend whose date ditched her. Now, enjoy yourself." I felt his hand under the table run up my thigh making me cross them to settle my now surge of arousal.

"Christian!" I tried to hide a smile but as soon as he saw the beginning of one before I pulled it back he knew he was forgiven. His youthful and relaxed self sipping his wine as if he had won a war. I texted Jose to see if he could explain why he ran and I put my phone away to deal with the current jackass sitting in front of me.

"You understand you are not my boyfriend right?" I asked him seriously to regain some ground we had lost when he touched my thigh.

"Of course. I was kidding." He spoke nonchalantly emphasizing the fact that this was all a game for him.

"Oh, that's nice. I was a pawn then used to boost your ego and for your game. This definitely makes up for last night when you made me feel the exact same way." It was that comment that got his attention and he sat his glass down finally understanding what I was feeling.

"I dislike sarcasm Ana. Tell me how you really feel." Another command thrown at me and my now beginning buzz gave me the balls to do it.

"Fine, you're a jackass then and it's obnoxious the way you feel entitled to treat people the way you do. The world doesn't revolve around you and your schedule." I had to immediately take a sip of wine to calm my adrenaline after that statement and he looked at me entertained.

"No one has ever spoken to me that way."

"Well, people have been doing you a disservice then because you act like you need to hear it more often." He laughed at me before we were interrupted by an older woman.

"Christian. I'm surprised to see you here." She had blonde hair cut into a bob and she was pretty and well put together. I watched Christian become cool and disconnected from our banter when he saw her.

"Elena. What are you doing here?" He asked her looking uncomfortable and pissed and she just brushed his behavior off. I liked her already as she seemed like she was immune to his charm and wit.

"I'm Elena, a good friend of Christian's." Her voice was monotone, not soft or warm, just lacked really any emotion.

"Hi, I'm Ana." I responded with my buzz going strong. She looked me up and down; my discomfort became evident when Christian stood and pulled her aside. Maybe she wasn't so immune considering she had just studied me like a jealous girlfriend. I really didn't need this shit right now and I grabbed my purse before leaving some cash for my meal. He was obviously occupied with Elena giving me the perfect opportunity to sneak out. It was starting to cool down outside to a perfect temperature to walk home. I grabbed my phone again as I saw a text from Jose.

_Sorry for ducking out. I was really tired and it looked like he might be better company. _

Great, now I was dealing with two insecure men and struggling with my own. How the hell after everything I watched Kate go through did I let him affect me this way? Maybe it's because I truly don't believe that he would have tortured her like that; sexually yes but emotionally no. He seemed intelligent enough to realize when a woman had passed her contractual phase into I'm falling for you or in Kate's case I fucking fell for you and decided to climb the building again every weekend only to jump. The walk and the weather were giving me ideal conditions to logically think about what I was doing. Nothing made sense anymore and I had lost myself within the shuffle of it all only to gain nothing. What if Kate was lying about half of the details and only acting attached when she returned home? How did he not recognize my name? Did she not ever talk about me? My name might not have shown up on her personal background check but did he really not talk to his subs about their personal lives? I rounded the corner to the last block feeling even more confused and exhausted when I saw a black limo pull up in front of my apartment building. No wonder he was a billionaire, he was persistent enough to get anything.

"God Damn it Ana!" He yelled in frustration and I continued my walk into my building as he followed me in.

"I don't know why you're so upset. I let you have _your_ moment with your friend." I didn't bother to turn around because I was dead set on making it upstairs without giving him.

"I'm coming up." Well, that made me turn around and I turned to see him looking exasperated.

"No, you're not." I yelled at him and my doorman fumbled with some papers to appear busy.

"We need to talk Ana. If you don't invite me up, I will buy this fucking building, get the key and let myself in until you do talk to me." This was a highly possible scenario. I didn't doubt his ability to do so or his idiocy to actually pursue the idea.

"Fine." I gave up with defeated arms and we climbed into the elevator together.

"You are wearing Miss Steele." He spoke frustratingly as we walked down the hall to my room. I knew Reagan wouldn't be home because she would be doing Sunday dinner at her parents. We walked in and I immediately rounded my kitchen island, leaving him in the living room where I could see him.

"Stay there. If we're going to talk you don't pass that couch. It's the Berlin wall." The wine was flowing through my veins and ejecting through ridiculous comments.

"Why?" The look he gave me was the exact reason why.

"Because you like have this thing. This force. Like star wars except it's a sexual force you emit from your eyes and your arms." _Focus Ana. _I drew my eyes back up to his and he was amused. Great, I was spewing nervousness; the exact thing he fucking preys on.

"I have questions for you that need to be answered." I regained some courage and rationality and brought the conversation back to where I wanted it.

"Fire away." He sat casually on my couch staring at me.

"Have you ever told any of your subs you loved them?" I shocked him with the question but he also laughed at me in disbelief.

"No. That is not what they're there for. I haven't said that to anyone."

"Oh." I replied feeling like my head was spinning.

"Why do you have them? Submissives, I mean." I stuttered out but only because I couldn't really concentrate on questions. Everything that I thought I knew about Kate was beginning to unravel. He didn't answer but he stood and started to walk towards me.

"Berlin wall Christian!" I yelled at him only to see him smile and continue his hunt. He came around the counter as I struggled to keep myself collected and before I could tell him to stop he kissed me. It was soft yet demanding and he pulled my hips to his so I could feel him; his thick hard shaft pressing into me. He pulled back measuring my response and I knew when I kissed him again, I would be giving him a piece of my future. The part that would compare every man I ever met to the feelings he gave me just by those piercing grey eyes. I needed to ask him about Kate but with each kiss and each graze he was giving me, she slowly vanished from my mind completely for the first time ever. His hands squeezed my ass as his kiss grew hungrier and he picked me up. I wrapped my arms around his head to steady myself and he gracefully brought me to my bedroom while his tongue danced in my mouth. My breathing was rapid along with his and there was no stopping us now. I pulled my belt off and then my dress when he placed me on the bed leaving me in my bra and panties. I was thankful I had picked my white lace pair. He took his shirt off and his pants revealing him in all his beautiful and large glory. I was frantic with lust and I dropped to my knees to his surprise. I had to have him and when I took him into my mouth it helped us both ease some of our neediness.

"Fuck, Ana." It was sweet sensual music to my ears as I took him in deeper teasing him and waiting for it. There it was his hand at the back of my head as he fucked my mouth and I moved my tongue rhythmically against him making him clench fistfuls of my hair in pleasure. His breathing was shallow and our moans were escaping us both in unison. He unclipped my bra and pulled my head back to only pick me up and throw me on the bed.

"I can't take it any longer." He breathlessly muttered as he ripped my panties off and he climbed on top of me not taking his eyes off mine. I knew this was different. He could see me. He ran his cock against my sex drenching it more with me and I about burst from the anticipation. He growled at the feeling and I grabbed him to pull him inside me.

"So impatient Ana." He whispered before entering me fully giving me all of him and pulling back out again.

"Please Christian." I begged needing to feel him inside me again. He drove into me harder this time, pinching my nipples as he did it giving me the pleasure of two sensations.

"mmmmm" He loved the sound of my excitement and he began his hard thrusts giving me the divine sounds of his grunts has he did. It was fast, desperate, and animalistic as his beautiful hips moved with speedy rhythm. My moans had become quite loud as he hooked his arms under my knees; bringing them up over his shoulders. I threw my head back and arched my back at just how deep he was able to get in this position.

"Fucking hell Ana." He squeezed my breasts as he drove faster into me. I was clawing at his thighs which were the only part of him I could reach when he pulled out and turned me over.

"I have been wanting to do this since I first saw you." His deep voice hitting me sexually and I felt him wrap my long brown hair around his forearm. His hand came around and began to massage my clit making me want to drop my head and moan but he pulled harder onto my hair. He brought my ass up more before driving into me again.

"ohhhhhhhh." I screamed at the feeling, gritting my teeth at the overwhelming feeling of pleasure. He gained his rhythm back and I relished the feel of his hand on my ass pushing it to meet his hips. His raw power enveloping me as he slapped my ass harder than anyone else had. The pain was short and sweet as the feeling of him driving into me harder and faster now distracted me enough. He pulled my hair more as we both began to writhe with the intensity.

"Ana. I want you to come." He whispered into my ear as he brought me up pulling my head back onto his shoulder. "I want to see you and I want to hear you. Come, now!" He kept my head where it was and I came for him.

"Yesssss Ana." He hissed before I felt his hand at my hip lifting me and bringing me down onto him as he buried his juices into me.

I had to swallow a couple of times before I could even begin to speak and my head still lay on his shoulder as we both recovered breathlessly. My thighs were twitching and he finally unwrapped my hair from his arm allowing me to drop and I lay my head on the bed.

"Good lord Christian." I whispered before feeling him pull out of me. He grabbed a small hand towel from the bathroom and I felt the cool feeling on my thighs as he cleaned me up.

"It's not necessary but thank you." I smiled at him and I could see he wasn't completely content.

"Are you okay?" I asked him sweetly as I covered myself with the sheet.

"That's the first time I have ever had vanilla sex." He told me quietly before putting his clothes back on. I didn't expect him to stay, hell, I didn't know what I expected from him. It definitely wasn't the admission of me being his first vanilla partner.

"Oh. Did you enjoy it?" I didn't know how else to respond because now I felt like complete shit.

"Very much." He kissed me and then checked his phone.

"I have something I need to take care of. I'm sorry to just leave." He rambled on before I eased his nerves.

"Christian, its fine. Don't worry about it." His shoulders relaxed a little with my reassurance and he smiled at me before leaving my bedroom.

"What did you get yourself into Ana?" I whispered to myself as I beat my bed with my fists. I would have to ask him about Kate and sooner rather than later. Why would Kate lie? Was he not the Dom? He had to be she told me. I guess it was in the beginning and there was a slight possibility it could have been someone else but if she told me about Christian, why wouldn't she tell about someone else? Now, I felt guilty not only for Kate's death but also for what I just experienced with Christian. Tomorrow, I will tell him. There is just no damn way around it. If there was one trait of my old self that I refused to give up it would be hurting the innocent.

Jack was being a major douchebag today as if I had yet to experience a day when he wasn't. I was thankful to be on my break finally as I made my way towards the small café down the street. There were some tables outside and I grew excited at the idea of relaxing for a moment before heading back to SIP. I grabbed my usual, a chicken salad sandwhich and a cup of fruit, before settling outside. The sun felt warm against my skin as I had chosen high waisted black cigarette pants, and a spotted white shirt. I hadn't texted Christian yet because I figured I could just avoid him. He did leave last night and maybe it was the one and only time we would be together. I was being a coward and hoping for the easy way out; that he would just be done with me. The good Ana, the one that I had managed to suppress made her way out to remind me that I needed to tell him.

"Ana." I looked up to see Elena staring at me and she sat in the chair across from mine.

"We have things to discuss my dear." She spoke with a fake smile. "You need to stay away from Christian. He will do nothing but break your heart and especially after last night. You are not strong or submissive enough to handle him. It would be better for you to just end things now." I did agree with her but I hated that she thought it was her place to say anything and I now hated Christian for telling her about our night.

"Thank you for your concern but I'm somewhat confused as to why you believe your opinions are important when it comes to my affairs? Did I give you the impression that I cared what you thought yesterday at dinner?" It was snotty and bitchy but I didn't give a shit. I left my half eaten sandwhich at the table with the other leftovers from lunch. She was yelling something but I was too mad to even pay attention. I grabbed my phone and texted Christian.

_Keep your blonde on her leash. She has quite a bite when she's not muzzled. _

I threw my phone back in my purse and stormed back into the office thankful that Jack was holed up in his not to bother me. The rest of the afternoon did nothing but piss me off more as I couldn't even focus enough to read the chapters I had been assigned. It was an unproductive day at work and it was only Monday. As soon as 5pm hit I grabbed my purse and took out my phone realizing I hadn't checked it since lunch. Christian had managed to call ten times with questioning texts about what I was talking about. I shook my head not able to bother with it right now and I rummaged through my purse as I hit the sidewalk looking for my sunglasses.

"Oh, sorry." I stammered as I ran into someone.

"Ana." I heard him say as a hand grabbed my chin and made me look at him.

"Christian?"

"You haven't been answering my calls. I almost came up there myself. Get in the car. We need to talk." I was pissed enough to get in but only because I now had the balls to tell him about Kate and get some answers. This was going to be the conversation that I had needed for over a year now. For all of Kate's lies, I hoped he wouldn't be the truth.


	5. Chapter 5: Not All Who Wander Are Lost

_Enjoy and Let me know what you think! Thank you for responding to this story!_

Chapter 5: Not All Who Wander Are Lost

I climbed into the Bentley relishing the smell of the interior. It was automatically calming but it faded as he sat next to me disengaged and looking angry.

"What did Elena say to you?" It was almost a deep growl and even within my hurt, anger, and guilt; he could still rouse sexual feelings in me.

"Oh, everything I already knew. I need to stay away from you because I'm not submissive or strong enough. That isn't what bothered me as I don't really give a shit what she thinks but telling her about our night last night was hurtful. That is no one else's business." He looked at me confused and his rage was clear.

"I didn't tell her anything about last night. Are you sure she wasn't just referring to our dinner?" Well, no I hadn't thought of that scenario but I was now and my guilt just reproduced four times over.

"Well, as of right now she is not a problem. I need to ask you about someone." My heart was racing and my palms were sweating.

"Was Kate Kavanaugh one of your subs?" His head snapped at me. "I know you two officially met during her interview so is that when it started?"

"Why are you asking me about her?" He questioned angrily and it was about time that I confessed.

"She was my best friend and roommate." His shocked expression made me feel worse and I cowered towards my corner of the car.

"No, she was not one of my subs. I pursued her but she said she didn't trust me enough to be involved in the lifestyle." My heart sank even farther at the realization of Kate's lies and now tears flowed freely as I began my explanation.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed out before recomposing myself enough to continue. "I pursued you because I thought you were the reason for her suicide. She lied and told me that you were her Dom in those last six months and so I wanted to hurt you. I am so sorry." He looked away from me which made it worse.

"Get out." He spat out, his words filled with fury. "Taylor, pull over." Taylor did as his boss asked and I complied with his request also. I had managed to hurt an innocent person and I felt so underserving of his company that grabbing the door handle felt easy. There was no question in my mind that I needed to get out and as soon as I did, he sped away. I managed to get through our apartment door before completely breaking down as I sank into the couch. What had I done? Fuck, what had Kate done? Why the fuck would she lie to me? It made no sense; my life didn't make sense anymore.

"Ana." I heard a soft high pitched voice from behind me and I turned to see Reagan closing the door. My hands quickly tried to wipe my tears away but it was quite obvious how upset I was. She came around and sat in front of me on the couch.

"Christian Grey problems?" She said pityingly and I looked at her confused because I hadn't even told her about him yet. "Our doorman Billy, likes me and he told me you had come in upset." She replied answering my question. I tried to gather my thoughts to make them into coherent sentences but there was just so many.

"Ana, I know I'm not Kate but I am a really good listener and from time to time I offer good advice." Reagan told me warmly as she grabbed my hands and now I felt even more guilty for not giving her a chance. She was my only friend right now and I sat judging her more than I embraced her.

"I feel lost. I thought Christian was responsible for Kate's suicide so I pursued him to hurt him and I find out that she had lied to me about him. So, I hurt an innocent person. I'm not this person. I feel so lost and broken. I had this purpose that kept my focus and now I have nothing." It was with that admission that I realized I had become dependent on the guilt and revenge that I felt. It was distracting enough from the bad memories and especially the one that kept replaying over and over for months.

"She chose that way out; she is responsible for that decision just as you are when you hurt Christian. I think you never grieved fully over Kate's death and today would be the perfect day to start. I'll be here for you every step of the way." I looked at her in such a different light as I had never truly taken the time to get to know her this way. She was beautiful, intelligent, and a lot of fun. Maybe she reminded me too much of Kate and I pushed her away because of it but now, I had forgotten how good it felt to have a girlfriend.

"Thank you. I'm so sorry for keeping you at arms- length." She waved a hand at me in a flippant manner and walked into the kitchen grabbing a bottle of wine and some glasses.

"So, tell me about her. Some of your favorite memories." She yelled from the kitchen and I had to sit a while to think of some. So many of them had been lost within the shuffle of the bad.

"One night at the bar, I had met this guy who was very good looking and he was smart. Kate hit it off with his friend and we were all feeling pretty good as we went home with them. They're apartment was across campus and so the next morning when we had to begin our trek back because we didn't want to deal with them in the morning, we stole some sweatpants from them. We walked back in sweatpants, heels, and our tops from the night before. We both couldn't stop laughing at our outfits and the fact that it seemed like the campus was unusually busy for a Saturday. It was just our luck. She kept saying 'At least we are back within shacker hours, people can't judge us for being clingy.'" I started laughing at the memory of us in our ridiculous outfits and her hungover voice.

"She had a point. It's much worse if you stay and make the morning awkward." I laughed even harder at Reagan's response as I remembered some of the awkward exits of some of her one night stands. She handed me a glass of wine and I took a large sip appreciating the warmth of it and taste.

"Oh and then this one night." I jumped onto the couch excitedly at another favorite memory of mine. "We were driving to Seattle to visit her parents and we were stuck behind some horrible drivers and I told her how much I wished I could just rear end them. Her response was and I quote 'how can you not remember the 3 things? It's a damn process, but since you're rather forgetful, I'll tell you again. First, nice car or shitty car? If it's a nice car, move on to step two. Second, your fault or their fault? If it's their fault, move on to step three. Lastly, analyze the damage. Life or death or minimal? If its life or death, avoid at all costs. If it's minimal; brace yourself, and go for it! '" They both laughed for what seemed longer than Ana had ever laughed with anyone else besides Kate.

"I think I would have liked her a lot." Reagan commented before they both settled down on the couch. Two bottles of wine later and five drunken phone calls to an ignoring Christian and I passed out with my clothes still on but coherent enough to set my alarm for work.

My mouth was dry as I grimaced at the taste of wine in my mouth making me want to throw up. "Ughhhhh God, that was a horrible idea." I groaned at the sight of myself in the mirror, my face blotchy, and my hair messily falling into place. The alarm on my phone was stinging my ears and my head and I uncoordinatedly pushed it off before throwing it on my bed. First thing I did as I entered my bathroom was turn the shower on and then brush my teeth enjoying the taste of mint compared to night old wine. I blow dried my hair quickly before taking the easy way out with my work wear as I grabbed an off-white dress and black leather belt. Reagan was still asleep as I snuck out of our apartment to head to work. The sun was too bright and the noises were too loud as I put my sunglasses on to help ease my eyes to the sight of the outside world. I hailed a cab and climbed in giving him my address to cabbie before my search for my phone. I pulled it out and opened it to the call log screen.

"Son of a bitch." I spoke loud enough for the cabbie to look back concerned. "Sorry." I winced at him and then looked at the five times I had called Christian. This was the exact reason I usually monitored my alcohol consumption and humiliation couldn't even describe how I felt. "Shit." I closed the call log screen and then opened my texts closing my eyes to prepare myself for further embarrassment. Yup, there it was.

_I'mn so so so so srryyy. _

"You managed to slur your texts Ana. That's a new feat." The cabbie kept looking in the rearview mirror probably now worried he had a schizophrenic in his vehicle. My office building couldn't come fast enough as I jumped out quickly and headed upstairs. I was a half hour late but it was the first time and I was too hungover to really care. Jack disapprovingly stared at me as I walked in and I could only offer him a fake smile before sitting at my desk. The morning went by slow as I had skipped breakfast and by the time my lunch break came, I was ravenous. I grabbed my purse and contemplated heading to the café before remembering my unpleasant visit with Elena and I decided I would just go to a different place. It obviously didn't matter as I saw the bitch waiting for me outside of my building when I hit the streets.

"How may I help you today Elena?" I asked knowing full well I was too hungry and too hungover to have this conversation with her today.

"What the hell did you do to Christian yesterday? I told you to leave him alone." I had decided before she even started talking not to pay attention so I just watched her face as she spewed whatever she was saying. She wasn't so pretty when she was pissed in fact it was almost scary. Thank God for my sunglasses because I'm pretty sure it would only piss her off more to see how uninterested I was.

"Elena, you need to leave now!" A familiar bellowing voice demanded her and she backed down a bit. It snapped me out of my hungover blur and I looked at the extraordinarily dressed Christian Grey with his copper hair moving in the breeze.

"Christian. She's bad news for you." She pleaded to him only to have him shoot her a look strong enough to have her step back a little and then get into her waiting vehicle. He turned to me now, eye fucking me in my dress and even my hunger couldn't suppress the fire he started in me.

"I'll deal with her. She won't bother you again." He spoke coolly and I really needed food as I could feel the acid in my stomach.

"Okay. Thank you I guess. I just want to apologize for the text and phone calls. It was inappropriate." He rubbed his hand over his neck; a nervous habit I hadn't seen of his yet.

"Wait, how did you know she was here?" I asked him and he just walked away without answering. Was he watching me or did he have someone watching me? It was all too much for me right now and I walked to the nearest business offering food. Lunch did the trick as my headache dissipated and I slowly regained some energy completing my work from the day before and getting halfway through the current days. It was almost 8 when everyone was gone and I managed to finally catch up on work before leaving.

_Ordered sushi for you. Running out for a bit. _

Reagan was officially a lifesaver and my best friend. The apartment was dark when I got in and I turned the lights on as I saw the sushi on the counter. I was about to dive in when my phone rang and I saw it was downstairs.

"Mr. Grey is here to visit. Would you like me to let him up?"

"Uhh. Yes, that's fine." As soon as I hung up I ran as fast as I could into the bathroom to check my hair and appearance. I slapped my cheeks to put some liveliness in them and ran a toothbrush over my teeth. I heard him knock on the door as I looked ridiculous running in heels into the living room stopping abruptly in front of the door. A deep breath and I opened it. He was still dressed in his tailored suit, his face looking hurt and he kissed me. It was desperate as his hands ran through my hair pulling my face more into his. I squirmed within his embrace as heat flooded my body and I pulled his hips towards mine so I could feel him against me. My dress left him little room to pick me up and he roughly pulled it up, ripping my panties off, and sat me on top of the hall table. I was too aroused to care for his pick of location and it only worsened when I heard the sound of his zipper. He drove into me hard giving me no warning and wasting no time. It was different this time as he was detached but needy and if it didn't feel so damn good, I would have stopped to ask what was wrong. His hips moved in delicious rhythm that had my knuckles white as I gripped the edge of the table. My breathing was rapid as his kiss was leaving hardly any room to breathe. He didn't talk or make any sounds other than quiet grunts as he fucked me. I kissed his neck and bit a little when he moved my legs making him go deeper and he came, squeezing my thighs as he did. It was only a couple seconds before he had pulled out, zipped up his pants, and began his walk to the door leaving me still reeling from his sexual attack. He looked back at me with woeful eyes and left without saying one word. I let me head fall back against the wall in frustration because he had just used me probably because it's exactly how I made him feel. My legs shook some as I stood back up and I hurried to my room to get more panties on before sanitizing the entire damn hall table. I hated him like that as I had seen him relaxed and comfortable. My guilt returned full force and I knew I had to make it up to him, hell I wanted to make it up to him. _Actually, you just want him._ I blew at my bangs in frustration at my thoughts when I remembered the Charity function this weekend. Reagan came in at the right time as I had settled into my pajamas and I sat on the couch.

"Hey, is the invite still open for the charity function?" I asked her to see her face beam back at me.

"Yes. You want to come now?" She questioned excitedly and I couldn't help but laugh at her.

"Yes please!" I responded to see her start bouncing around the apartment.

"Yay! I will schedule our day of pampering before. Our makeup, hair, and nails." She soon stopped and looked at me. "You know Christian will be at this one right? He's one of the biggest donors."

I nodded at her and then a sly smile graced her face. "Ohhhhhh. I see what's going on now. You naughty thing."

The rest of the work week flew by as my mood had bettered and Jack was out of town on a business trip. The entire office was more productive without him and we were all much more relaxed. Christian hadn't answered any of my texts wanting to talk which I had expected. It had made tonight much more important. I had spent a chunk of my last paycheck on a dress for this evening but it was made easier that Reagan's father was paying for our spa day. I had asked for an old Hollywood look as they gave my long brown hair glam curls and my lips a nice bright red color. My dress was a burgundy chiffon halter dress that dipped low in the front and a gathered waist. I knew it would get his attention. Reagan wore a gold colored dress that complemented her skin tone and green eyes. We both looked gorgeous as we stood for pictures together before heading into the ballroom. It had a balcony above the dance floor that rounded the entire room. We headed to the bar first and I scanned the room for him when I found him. He was deep in conversation with an older couple and I smiled nervously as the bartender handed me my wine.

"Breathe. You look too sexy for him to not want you." Reagan whispered into my ear and we began some small introductions before settling in next to her father at his table. Christian was still doing his rounds of networking and I stood to go and get his attention before the dinner.

"May I ask for a dance Mr. Grey?" He turned around and his surprise was obvious as he looked me up and down lingering too long at my chest.

"Miss Steele." He tried to say coldly but I could tell I had affected him.

"I'll dance with you since my brother has seemed to forgotten his manners." A voice came from behind him as a tall-wide shouldered man stepped up. He emitted a warmth as his blue eyes and curly blonde hair gave him an approachable demeanor. I held my arm out to him so I didn't feel as humiliated when Christian took it instead. He pulled me close to him as I followed his lead in our dance.

"If you didn't want to, you shouldn't have come out here." I spoke snappily before reminding myself I was here to win him back not push him away. "I'm sorry. I understand why you're upset with me. I would just like to talk." I spoke softly and he continued our dance without speaking. I was slowly losing hope when I saw the band. "Christian, if you talk to me I will get up on that stage and sing for you." That got his attention as his eyes narrowed at me to measure just how serious I was.

"Sing, and then we'll talk." _Oh Lord, what did I just get myself into? _I figured he would be stubborn enough to forgo the offer. I had only sung publicly once and it was at a nursing home and half of them couldn't even hear. "Miss Steele. I'm waiting." He whispered into my ear now obviously entertained at my current position. I inhaled deeply and regained a confident posture as I walked over to the band manager at the side. It might have looked like I was confident but I was cowering inside almost about to cry with nerves but I had to do it. I owed it to him and I needed to show him just how far I was willing to go to get my apology across. I asked the band manager who was also entertained by the idea and excited. _Shit, what song? _They were a jazz band and my mind was already racing with the only song coming to mind being a Billie Holiday song. When the song finished, they announced my name and song choice making the entire room look at the stage. I wanted to cry, right there and then until I saw Christian staring at me probably waiting for me to back down. Then I saw Elena and that was the final ounce of motivation I needed to get up there because I sure as hell wasn't going to choke in front of her. I got up to the microphone as they began to play _God Bless The Child. _It was one of my father's favorite songs and one of the only ones I knew how to sing and the lyrics to. My hands were sweating and I felt my voice quiver but it kept Christian's attention and after the first couple of lines I gained more confidence.

Them that's got shall get  
Them that's not shall lose  
So the Bible said and it still is news  
Mama may have, Papa may have  
But God bless the child that's got his own  
That's got his own

Yes, the strong gets more  
While the weak ones fade  
Empty pockets don't ever make the grade  
Mama may have, Papa may have  
But God bless the child that's got his own  
That's got his own

Money, you've got lots of friends  
Crowding round the door  
When you're gone, spending ends  
They don't come no more

I could tell Christian was shocked along with the rest of the room but as I finished the entire crowd applauded happily. My feet couldn't move fast enough and I raced into the lobby right after because I felt like I was going to have heart attack. There were a couple of stragglers who hadn't made it in yet that were mingling and I blended in as I pretended to look at some of the pictures and articles on the wall. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest and I struggled to get in a full breath as the reality of what I had just done began to sink in. He better be fucking halfway here for what I just did when I felt his arm at my elbow. I turned to see him in his well fitted tuxedo smiling at me and then he became worried at the tears in my eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asked caringly. "You did amazingly."

"Just a little overwhelmed. Will you talk to me now?" I uttered breathlessly as I really wanted to put my hands on my knees to calm my breathing but social etiquette and my lack of a bra forbid it.

"I told you I would." His answer short and to the point. "Not now though. They're about to serve dinner. Will you sit with me at my table?" He asked taking me aback but exciting me at the same time.

"Yes." I answered and I took his hand as he led me back to his table. We had to stop at a couple different tables as they complemented me on my performance. Elena was pissed which calmed me some and I joined him at his table where I met Grace again along with his father and Elliot. I sat in between Elliot and Christian as they started to serve dinner. Grace and Elliot engaged me in conversation more than Christian did and I was soon regretting my decision to sit with him when I felt his fingers on my thigh through the slit in my dress. I stilled a little at the touch and I tried to push his hand away but he kept trying. I finally had to give up when he was at the inside of my thighs and the movement it would take to remove his hand would make it obvious to his actions. As the crowd applauded for the speaker approaching the stage, Christian leaned in close to my ear.

"I'm going to make you come at this table." He whispered and I almost choked on my steak as I felt his fingers push my panties to the side and enter me.

"Oh God." I accidentally uttered as the table looked at me. "This is such delicious steak." I redeemed myself as they returned their attention to the speaker.

"Shhhhh." He whispered and I gave up trying to pay attention to the speaker. His words all sounded like sexual innuendos anyway.


	6. Chapter 6: Coverage

_Enjoy the Chapter and let me know what you think. Thank you to all who have responded to this story in any way! Kate's Dom will be revealed later but some clues will be given to hold ya over.  
_

Chapter 6: Coverage

I struggled to slow my breathing as I felt his fingers massage me torturously and I failed to understand how he remained so calm. His thumb found my clit as he rubbed it, making me squirm in my chair and I decided to find out for myself how he felt. My hand came up his thigh and found his erection causing him to inhale sharply in his chair. It turned me on more and I gripped his erection gently before his other hand covered mine.

"Ana, no." He whispered sharply into my ear which only added another sensual sensation to my already overwhelmed body. He put my hand back at my side as I gripped the sides of the chair to quietly endure his pleasure. He slowly pulled out and pushed back in; lingering and massaging my g-spot before continuing the cycle. The sensations were dizzying as I tried to focus my attention on the speaker but I was having a hard time internalizing my need to scream, moan, or anything. My body, building with heat and extreme lust, quivered as I let a whimper out. The table looked at me again and I could have killed him.

"This is such a moving speech." I spoke quietly as tears formed in my eyes and they returned their attentions to the speaker confused at my behavior. His fingers massaged faster and I gripped my seat harder dropping my head and riding the wave of my orgasm. I held my breath for as long as I could before my chest began to shake under the pressure. I was able to control it so the rest of the table wouldn't notice and it took me a couple minutes of deep breathing before I could even look up without the room spinning. The speeches continued as I recovered from Christian's spontaneous pleasure session and he paid no attention to me until the last speaker finished.

"I'll drive you home." I looked at him, mocking shock.

"Your voice. What a distant and faraway sound from the land of are you crazy?" He looked at me entertained but I was still reeling from what he put me through at the table. His mother and brother probably think I'm some drunken crazy woman. He didn't answer but simply kept his hand at the lower of my back as we said our good-byes and left. Regan had given me the nod of approval at Christian taking me home and I climbed gracefully into the Bentley. He slid in, confidently and yet keeping himself disconnected. If it were anyone else, I would have spent the rest of the ride uttering sarcastic passive aggressive comments but he deserved more, especially from me. I stared at him while he stared out of the window ignoring my very presence and I became fixated on his face. It was handsome but the details stood out as I had never studied him up close before. A small amount of stubble decorated his olive skin tone and his cheekbones appeared defined as his serious expression showcased them. He had beautifully long eyelashes but his face wasn't without stress. There were lines that told me he had trouble sleeping at night.

"Christian, I'm so incredibly sorry for pursuing you the way that I did and for the reasons that I did. After Kate's death I became lost. Actually, I am currently lost but I'm working on it and I hate that you somehow became tangled in this mess. I'm a good person, and I hope that you will give me another chance to prove that to you." He didn't respond in anyway besides subduing for a second and then returning to his cool demeanor. I, on the other hand, couldn't stop twisting my fingers together as I waited for him to say something, anything.

"I knew of Kate's death because her family and I do business; however, I had never known the details. I read the articles that stated how you found her. They didn't have your name just that her roommate found her. I understand what kind of damage that does to a person but that doesn't excuse your behavior. I do not trust easily Miss Steele and I will not lie to you and tell you that I do after your effort tonight. I just don't." My heart sank a little but I had expected this. He owned every right to be upset but I wasn't about to give up yet.

"I understand." I sat and contemplated ways to win over a billionaire. It wasn't as if I could just show up at his office without him knowing or send him flowers. I would need to seek creative solutions when dealing with him. He kept his stare away from me and I sat nervously next to him craving the image of my building.

"Kate was never one of my subs. She outright refused the contract as you did." He spoke calmly and without emotion but I felt a sense of pride at her refusal. We pulled up to my building and I grabbed the door handle to get out. His arm touched mine and I looked at his clouded eyes showing signs he felt conflicted.

"You looked beautiful tonight Ana." I smiled at him bewildered by his comment and his look of discomfort as he spoke.

"Thank you." He returned to his distant demeanor and I climbed out feeling incomplete and unsatisfied with then night. Of course I did, considering I stood and watched him drive away. The night only increased my motivation to spend more time with him. Reagan sat, anxiously waiting for my return on the couch and I couldn't help but laugh at her excitement when I walked in.

"Tell me everything. Hurry and sit." The excitement that I hadn't felt for a very long time returned in full force as I needed to tell her about tonight. I used to be this way with Kate after I met someone or even noticed a hot man somewhere on campus.

"Well, he's still upset, justifiably, but he told me I looked beautiful." Her awkward yet endearing expression embarrassed me some.

"You are blushing." Her voice spoke higher pitched than usual and I wanted to tell her about the table moment but the NDA stopped me and the fact that I was trying to win back his trust not break it again.

"Anyway, I like him more than I thought but how do you pursue a billionaire?" We both sat there lost in our thoughts. "I need like a mutual public place where I can talk to him without security besides parties and functions." Again, we descended into our thoughts and plotting.

"His lobby!" Regan replied eagerly. "You can wait for him in the morning and just run into him." First suggestion and I pondered it for a moment before realizing the stalker tendencies of it all.

"I'd feel like a stalker and I have to work." We both laughed at the thought and then continued our planning.

"I got it. His gym. He goes to the same gym as my father. You can go and work out and run into him there. Just say that my father referred you." It was brilliant and less questionable than her first suggestion and I enjoy working out.

"Only if you come with me so I don't feel as crazy. If we had a system divided into stalker levels, where would I be right now?" She laughed before answering.

"You're probably at a Level 2. I'll warn you if you get to Level 3 and I'll sedate you if you approach Level 5." I laughingly agreed and we decided that Sunday would be our first visit to the gym. I didn't care if he would be there as I wanted to get comfortable with the idea before trying to convince him I didn't just join to see him.

"He said he never dated Kate. I don't know why she would lie to me." Reagan offered a weak smile before we both settled into the couch.

"Maybe, she felt the truth was more damaging?" It had to be a damn disaster for her to lie to me and if I let myself follow it further, it would only consume me.

"I don't think I want to find out who it is. If I start this search, I have a feeling it would ruin me." She nodded in agreement as we finished our conversation. She reassured me that I made the right decision. I possessed full knowledge that the information would most likely plague me for a while but as with anything, I knew time would be on my side.

The next day, Reagan and I spent it shopping, going to lunch, and then we headed to the gym to join. She tried to convince me to join under her father's contract because the cost was astronomical but I chalked it up to another self-serving punishment of mine for being so idiotic. I made sure to take notice of where the treadmills were because that's really the only exercise I take part in and also the locker rooms. We tried a Yoga and dance class before heading home and we agreed upon a set time after work that we would go. She was an amazing partner in crime and I couldn't believe how much I had missed having this dynamic with someone.

It was officially Wednesday and day 3 of avoiding Christian at the gym and in general. I had decided not to call or text and let fate take over besides my initial push of joining his gym. It happened to be a better gym than mine as they had private showers and their swimming pool always had an opening if I wanted to swim. A couple of times I had noticed Christian enter a private studio for a personal training session and he looked damn good in workout clothing. The other women noticed too and I figured that's why he kept his gaze on the trainer leading him. I returned to my run and I felt Reagan's giddy expression staring at me leaving me to struggle to keep myself composed. I had my ¾ length yoga pants on with a cropped racer back tank because I hated the heat when I ran. The fewer clothes I could wear, the better. Reagan used the treadmill for appearances as she walked while she read her magazine which reminded me exactly of Kate. I increased the speed and ran until it became bearable before beginning my cool down when I felt my earphone being pulled out.

"Ana." I recognized his voice instantly and I fought the smile that wanted to emerge. Little flutters danced in my stomach as I turned around.

"Christian! I had no idea you worked out here." His eyes narrowed with his stare as small hints of a smile began to form on his face.

"I'm sure. Is that really an appropriate outfit to work out in?" He seemed angry at my outfit choice and I couldn't decide if it was because I was wearing too much or too little. I decided to test his question.

"You're right. This just annoys me when I run." I pulled my crop top off so that I was just in a sports bra and my pants as I grabbed my towel and wiped the sweat from my stomach and chest. His expression changed from shock to anger and I now knew I was wearing too little. "This is my roommate Reagan. Her father was the one that encouraged me to join." It took a couple seconds before my statement registered and he turned to her as she held out her hand. She stood obviously amused at the situation and he politely introduced himself.

"Are you coming or going?" I asked him casually as I wiped down the treadmill.

"I just finished. I'll take you home." His tense voice spoke to me and I chose not to look at him knowing his mood wasn't a pleasant one.

"Actually, we're getting ready to attend a Yoga class. Maybe next time." Reagan had already begun her walk to the studio as I threw my towel away and grabbed a new one for the class. I gained enough courage to smile at him before following her when he grabbed my arm.

"Ana. I despise games. Don't test me and put some god damn clothes on before I drag you out of here." I pulled my arm out of his grip, now pissed at his audacity for possessiveness over someone he had been ignoring.

"It wouldn't be good for your reputation Mr. Grey." I simply told him before walking to the Yoga room thankful for my current need for meditation. He was muttering something under his breath but I chose to refrain from looking back because I knew he was irate. In this moment, I began to question my pursuit of him. We were obviously too different and I was too defiant for him but there were moments and snippets of him that I enjoyed, like the Christian that replaced Jose at dinner regardless of my feelings in that moment; he was different.

"Well, he's a ball of intensity." Reagan spoke playfully as we entered the Yoga studio.

"You have no idea." I whispered back as the Yoga instructor glared at us for talking.

We were both dressed and changed to go out after the gym even though it was a Wednesday. Our neighbor, Ryan and his boyfriend were celebrating their anniversary tonight and invited us out. It seemed like a great idea at the time but I was exhausted and Jack was already up my ass today about my work.

"Ana, are you ready to leave?" I heard Christian's voice and I turned to the side to see him sitting in the café with his laptop open.

"Well, yes but we have plans." Reagan had walked away as she was on her phone and I walked closer to Christian as he put away his laptop.

"I'll take you both there then." I waited for a moment before answering even though it was a decided yes as soon as he asked.

"Fine." He stood and gathered his bag before we met Reagan at the door.

"Christian is going to drive us to the bar." I told her and she shrugged her shoulders before walking out the door. Reagan had to sit in front with Taylor and I sat next to the brooding male whose behavior was cold and controlled. I pulled my phone out as a distraction and read my work emails when Jose called.

"Hello stranger. Can I call you back in a couple minutes?" I don't think I had ever watched someone's head turn as fast as Christian's did.

"No, Ana. I need to talk to you know. It's important." Jose sounded nervous and I could tell something was wrong.

"Okay. What's wrong?" Silence besides his breathing and I started to become worried.

"I have found a gallery space in Seattle and I'll be moving there in two weeks." I became confused and excited at his statement.

"Jose, that's amazing news! I thought something was wrong." I spoke with relief and large grin.

"I'm happy you're excited. Our day together made me realize just how much I miss you." I smiled at the idea and my exhaustion was overridden by elation of his move.

"I know! I very much enjoyed it. Will you be up later? I'll only be out for an hour so I can call you when I get home?" He didn't mind a late night catch up and I hung up as we pulled up to the bar. Reagan stepped out first where Ryan, our neighbor was waiting for her.

"Thank you Christian and Thank you Taylor." I nodded at him as our eyes met in the rearview mirror.

"You're welcome Miss Steele. " He replied.

"I'll join you." Christian spoke quickly and before I could respond he was out of the car and introducing himself to Ryan. I rounded the Bentley as he stood waiting for me now wearing his panty dropping smile and I looked at him disapprovingly.

"Behave yourself." He whispered seductively before putting his hand at his usual place; my lower back and leading me inside where we followed Reagan to our table. We sat down where I introduced him to the rest of the group sitting at the table and he won them over immediately with his charm. He was in his element and I sat back entertained at his new demeanor.

"Order what you like. It's on me." Some feigned displeasure while others immediately thanked him and I rolled my eyes at him. _Who is this new man? _

"Keep your hands to yourself." I whispered to him and a devilish smirk formed. Ryan and his boyfriend led the majority of the conversation as they told everyone stories of how they first met and funny stories of their domesticity. Christian's hand gripped my thigh and I started to prepare myself for it to move further but it didn't. He kept it there and my heart overwhelmed my chest with a good twinge.

"I'm afraid I have to go. Work doesn't tolerate late stragglers especially my boss." I told the group to have Christian stand with me.

"Yeah, we saw you the other morning looking hungover as shit running late to work. I'm certain you flipped me off." Ryan told me and I had to laugh.

"I would have flipped off Jesus if he was yelling at me the way you were you ass." I jokingly replied and we left the table and joined Taylor as they drove me home. Once again, I found myself in complete silence with Christian looking conflicted.

"Ana, why do you defy me?" He asked and I looked to see he was serious.

"I don't do it on purpose." He gave me a skeptical look and I had to laugh. "Christian, it's never to offend you or hurt you." As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted it. We were still getting over my initial screw up where it was my intention.

"I'm sorry. That was not the best selection of words." He shrugged his shoulders in response and I sighed in frustration.

"I better go. I'll see you around." I grabbed the door handle and climbed out, upset that he didn't say anything.

"Ana." I heard him yell and I turned to see him getting out of the car. "Gym tomorrow at 7. Wear a shirt that covers your stomach." I smirked at him and figured I could try a witty line to get him to come up.

"Why don't you come upstairs and pick something out yourself?" He smirked at me before telling Taylor something and joining me at the door. I knew it would appeal to his sense of control and it didn't hurt that it worked. His arm wrapped around my waist and I knew that the workout we were about to engage in required very little clothing but I had a feeling he would let this one slide.


	7. Chapter 7:Progress

_Enjoy. Thank you all for your reviews! Search Deenz Fanfiction on facebook if you have any questions or are interested in pictures for the story. _

Chapter 7: Progress

_The rain poured down as I made my way into our building hoping Kate was free from the bathroom because I was soaked and needed a shower. She acted different this morning, more like herself. Today ran more smoothly than any day for the past couple months as I finally didn't worry about Kate. Her smile brightened my morning and the small talk that I missed so much had returned. I pushed the door open to our building quickly, breathing a large sigh of relief, as water dripped off of me onto the floor. I always forgot my umbrella when I needed it. The one day that hailing a cab became impossible and I wore the heaviest coat possible, weighing me down. _

"_Miss Steele, I will remember an umbrella for you next time." Our doorman spoke jokingly to me and I couldn't help but shoot him a not-now stare. I moved excitedly as I waited for the elevator hoping that Kate was still in a good mood and we could have a girl's night of wine and movies. She seemed engaged and on the road to recovery from Christian. I inserted my key into our lock thinking Kate wasn't home yet which was odd because she generally was home before me. The lights were all off except I could see the glow from under the bathroom door. Maybe, I left it on this morning? My purse and coat hit the floor heavily making a loud thump and started to strip my clothes off. Feeling an odd sense in my stomach, I shook my head to rid it but it almost made me feel nauseous. My feet left wet footprints on the floor as I made my way to the bathroom and I placed my hand on the door handle feeling it stop midway to tell me it was locked. _

"_Kate?" I yelled, feeling confused. For some reason, I kept trying the door handle as if it were magically going to unlock itself. Within an instant, dread and terror ran through my bones, every nerve firing with fear. I knew something was wrong and I ran into the kitchen and grabbed the small pin that could unlock every door in our apartment. As soon as the door opened I collapsed. Red. Our claw foot bathtub filled with red colored water and I couldn't breathe but somehow I found the strength to pull her out of the water. I couldn't even see her head under the red stain and she fell so limp in my arms. My chest constricted making it even harder for me to breathe and I lay her down so carefully on a towel before running for my phone. It took me forever to get out what had happened and after telling my address, I put the phone down to attend to Kate. My hands were shaking above her as I tried to steady them to take her pulse. Everything felt chaotic and I couldn't tell if it were a pulse I was feeling or the simple shaking of my fingers. My own pulse began to drown out everything as my tears hit her head. I hovered above her chest; straightening my arms, I focused myself on her and began CPR. _

"_Kate, no! No! No! I'm so sorry." I sobbed out with the automatic pumping motion my body now performed. Blood was dripping from her wrists still and I could feel it under my legs as it pooled. Inaudible noises began as I could hear our door fly open and it was in that moment that I knew I was too late. My best friend was no longer there. Her blood all over me now and I panicked. My chest shook violently and my wails broke every sound barrier in Seattle it felt like. My own ears cringed at the noise. _

"_KATE!" _

I flew up in bed, shaking, my breathing rapid and my heartbeat the only thing audible to me. My breaths grew short as I couldn't get a deep breath in and I knew what happened next as the anxiety attack in me grew. It had been six months since I had this dream, the one that caused my anxiety attacks in the middle of the night.

"Ana? Are you okay?" I pushed away from the low voice unaware of where I was or my current surroundings. Christian's worried expression stared at me as I struggled to my feet and ran into my bathroom slamming the door with shaky arms. I slid down the door trying to stifle my sobs but I couldn't. I placed my head in between my knees and tried to calm my breathing, trying to summon happy memories.

"Ana? Are you okay? Answer me!" Christian's voice bellowed through the door and I wished I could but I could barely exhale let alone offer him an answer. I hadn't realized he stayed; the night finally came back to me. The sound of his zipper calmed me some as I hoped it meant he was leaving. No one deserved to see me this way and I hated that he had been witness to my most vulnerable state.

"Ana. I'm not leaving until you tell me you're okay!" My chest burned as I struggled to gather my breaths and I clawed at the floor in frustration at my body. It was overwhelming me with what felt like a heart attack and I couldn't bare the feeling anymore. I wanted to scratch something or hit something to rid some of the raw anxiety torturing me. Reagan's voice came through the door next with a soft soothing quality to it.

"Ana, did you have your nightmare again? I'm going to come in now." She had helped me once before when we first moved in together and the humiliation irritated me for days afterwards but this time I wanted her.

"She'll be fine, it's just an anxiety attack. I'll have her call you when it's over." I heard her tell Christian with the same sincerity she had just spoken to me with and he didn't seem to put up a fight. The sound of the door handle made me look up to see her green eyes filled with concern and she sat next to me on the bathroom floor, rubbing my back and tying my hair back from my face. It helped enough so I could really release some heart wrenching sobs and her hushing noises paired with the gentle rubs turned them into whimpers in ten minutes. The fastest recovery time yet from that nightmare and I finally brought my head up from the ball I was curled into and fell against the cabinets of my bathroom sink. Blurry images of Reagan appeared before me as the tears watered her appearance.

"You're doing better." The flutter sensation of my heart still affected my breathing some and I could only offer her a weak smile. "How far did you make it this time?" Her green eyes never failing to look at me, giving me all of her attention.

"I found her, gave CPR, and I woke after noticing the blood on me." I uttered breathlessly knowing that it was the farthest point I had made in that nightmare so far. Every single time, I would wake right before I opened the door which gave me even more anxiety because of the anticipation of finding her never happened. It was then I noticed that she must have draped my robe over me because I was naked.

"Thank you." I whispered quietly, embarrassed that I looked so damaged. Now remembering Christian being witness to my self-destruction made it worse. My head fell back against the cabinet as I closed my eyes to be anywhere else but my current location.

"I'll be fine now Reagan. Thank you." She waited a couple minutes before feeling confidently enough in my ability to care for myself again.

"You should call Christian. He looked terrified." Why had he stayed? I always thought of him as being so distant that vanilla sex was intimate enough. If that's what you even call the mind-blowing fucking we participated in. I tied the robe around my waist tightly before grabbing my phone and lying back down in bed. The pillow smelled like him accompanied by the smell of sex on my sheets but it was his scent that comforted me. It rang a couple of times before he answered breathlessly almost with the same panic I felt minutes ago.

"Ana? Are you okay?" His voice affected like I had never heard it before filled with emotion, raw emotion that was generally only allotted for sex.

"I am now. I'm sorry. I feel completely humiliated." I whispered into the phone hoping to end the conversation sooner than later.

"It's fine. I was just worried about you." A soft yet dominant voice sounded through the phone that when paired with his scent from my pillow, I could almost imagine him lying next to me.

"Thank you but I'm fine now. I should get some sleep; I have to be up soon." I hurried our conversation because my heart was no longer affected by my nightmare but from him and it scared the shit out of me.

"Okay." His response short and I hung up afraid to close my eyes again but feeling extremely exhausted. My body felt sore from Christian's domination and now my head felt heavy from my sobs. It was 3:45 in the morning and I decided to shower, and ready myself for the day already. I wasted an hour putting rollers in my long chestnut brown hair just to pass the time but it added an ounce of confidence which helped. Another half an hour was spent picking out the perfect outfit for the day, as I decided to be brave with a high waisted pencil skirt, belt, and checkered button up. I was on my third cup of coffee before I decided to keep myself awake another way, one that included an unhealthy coping mechanism of online shopping. During my shopping experience, I noticed some gold cufflinks on my dresser. They were beautifully shiny, heavy and in shapes of a knot. Knowing that I didn't need any reason to want to see him again, I smiled as fate gave me one. Three baskets full ordered later and I was on my way to work. Eleven o'clock approached fast as I decided I would just stop by Christian's office to drop them off before heading to grab lunch. Jack had only waved a hand at me when I told him I was leaving and I was surprised at my still functioning body especially after lack of sleep and the two workouts I finished last night. The cab driver didn't need much direction after I told him the building we were heading to. Dazed, I stared out of the window watching the reflection of the cab against the buildings when it wasn't blocked by groups of people walking. The constant change from building to building of the reflection hypnotized me and the fluidity of it reminding me of Christian's body against mine. He could ruin me, I could feel it. Every man I would meet after him, I would compare to the way his body forces mine to react with only a stare. It was dangerous and strong, and absorbingly divine but my father trained me to think logically and logically I knew he downright affected me too much. People always tell you that you feel something like this and that with certainty you know its love. What if all along people have mistaken love for lust and true love exists only for the few that get to experience it, the lucky ones like my parents? Before Kate, I was naïve enough to believe that love existed all around us, through us, and we were unknown witnesses to it all. Changed by the months of watching her change for someone that clearly didn't love her the way she loved him hurt me indefinitely. I prayed every day that I would never lose myself like she did because suicide was all she felt like she had left. The bad thing within my journey to see Christian was that I had changed a little of myself, opened myself up to give him something that proved he could trust me.

I sat nervously in the white environment enveloping me after I had tried desperately to have Christian's blonde assistant just schedule an appointment for later but she refused. After calling him while in his meeting, he had commanded her to convince me to stay. It had only been ten minutes which I was thankful for because I hadn't planned on using my entire lunch break on this visit. The doors to a conference room opened with suits and skirts all exiting with excited voices and Christian followed soon after in his dark gray pin striped suit that fit in all the right places. He looked tired which I guess I was to blame for but he stared at me with intensity that pierced every cell in my body.

"Miss Steele. You can follow me to my office." I stood as his hand fell to its favorite spot on my clothed body and he led me to his office. An expansive and thrilling view of Seattle set as the backdrop for his desk and I sat in one of the many chairs as he sat behind his desk. I took out the envelope that held my most prized and depressing piece of Kate and he stared confused.

"You forgot your cuff links at my apartment and I wanted to return them and offer something that solidifies giving you the same vulnerable piece that you have given me." I placed the cuff links on his desk and removed his contract from the envelope first.

"There are no copies and I have not shown anyone. I would never." I swallowed a couple times before gaining enough courage to offer him the next piece of paper that usually hid in my dresser in a locked box. "This is a way I feel that I can prove to you that I'm vulnerable somewhere too. This is Kate's suicide note. No one has ever seen it because I couldn't inflict this much pain on her parents. She blamed them and me for her suicide." He sat up straighter in his chair now realizing that I was giving him information and physical forms of ways he could hurt me if he wanted to. I wanted him to know that I didn't take his change in behavior lightly.

"Ana, you don't have to?" His voice, shocked and gentle, graced my ears but I gave him the note anyway.

"Just know that I am giving you a piece of me so you feel safer with me." I whispered as I began to second guess my decision already. It was a horrible habit of mine with every decision I made; although, I was grateful my habit kicked in after the decision was made otherwise I would most likely be unemployed and naked if I did. My phone began vibrating in my purse and I ignored it as he stood and came around the desk.

"Your effort is good enough. I couldn't ever take this from you." He spoke with his usual authority but I sensed a small ounce of reverence. My phone began to ring again and I checked to see who felt it was so important when I noticed it was Jose.

"I need to take this really fast." I shrugged my shoulders at him and he nodded knowing the drill.

"Jose? What's going on?"

"Ana, it's your grandfather. My father called against your grandmother's wishes but he fell in the basement and he's in the hospital." My heart stopped at the news.

"Uh. Thank you for telling me. I'll call you when I get there to update you." I spoke quickly and now worriedly. I hadn't seen my grandparents since before Kate's death but I spoke to my grandmother weekly as she was my piece of home. I hung up knowing that Jose wouldn't be offended and I stood to leave not sure of how to end this conversation with Christian.

"Everything okay?" He asked but not with his usual worry but with his irritation that usually accompanied anything that had to do with Jose.

"My Grandfather is in the hospital. I'll be out of town for a couple of days. Sorry, for cutting this short." I raced over to him and kissed him on the cheek. It all felt different now as if we had reached an impasse in our relationship but not enough to gain some consistency or a mutual understanding of where we were at. I raced out of his office quickly now making the needed phone calls to everyone. I called Jack who was surprisingly accommodating with my absence from work for the rest of the day and tomorrow. Reagan answered quickly as I told her I would be leaving and the cab driver seemed incapable of making it to my apartment building within my lifetime. I called my Grandmother who tried to convince me she was fine without my help but I insisted anyway. Obviously, she had been less than forthcoming when it came to the status of her and my grandfather. I threw clothes hastily into an overnight bag along with my toiletries and cosmetics and made it to my car in record time. The drive to Montesano would be filled, no doubt, with worry and tiring panic but it needed to be done. The two hour drive became torturous as I needed to have the window down to keep me awake. My thoughts drifted between Kate, Christian, and my lack of pursuit for her Dom. I raced into the hospital, stopping at the nurses' station to ask where my grandfather's room was which she directed me to. My grandmother, in her late seventies, sat next to him, holding his hand as he slept. She looked so very tired and I felt guilty that it had been so long since I had visited. Her face showcasing visible signs of stress and she had lost weight. As always, she was well put together in an outfit most likely from Coldwater Creek. My father looked just like her and being in her presence always calmed me. I stepped closer and her blue eyes shone brightly at me with tears and I hugged her trying to absorb some of her pain and stress.

"How's Pawpaw doing?" I asked her as we both looked at him lying peacefully in bed but with large dark bruises scattered over his body.

"Oh honey, he'll be fine. He needs a hip replacement so he'll have to go to rehab for a couple weeks." My Grandfather woke at the sound of her voice with a loving smile and I walked closer to him, kissing him on the cheek.

"Pawpaw, how are you feeling?" I asked and his eyes looked at me but didn't recognize me. The drugs, I immediately told myself before he started talking.

"Pawpaw is reserved for my grandchildren, nurse." He spoke angrily and I backed away looking at my Grandmother who seemed all too comfortable with his confusion.

"Grandma, what is going on?" I questioned her confused and her tears were falling before she began to speak.

"He has Alzheimers. I didn't want to stress you especially after Kate's death and honey, you sounded like you were doing so well." I looked at my confused Grandfather who scanned the room obviously not happy in his surroundings. The sight of him broke my heart and the fact that he didn't remember me broke me even more.

"How bad is it?" My grandmother looked away and her response told me enough. I walked back over to him, smiling brightly, hoping my bright blue eyes would be familiar this time.

"Pawpaw, it's me Ana. Your only granddaughter." He searched my face for any features he could recognize and my tears hit his chest as I struggled with the entire situation.

"You have beautiful eyes Ana, like my wife. I'm a married man though." I scoffed nervously before kissing his wrinkled head and he shuffled beneath me uncomfortably.

"Honey, why don't you go to the house and get settled? You look exhausted. I'm staying here tonight." I looked at her, frustrated, and then hugged her knowing that this was harder on her than it was on me. She relaxed into my embrace and I wondered when the last time someone comforted her was. "Grandma, I'm here for four days. I will help get everything settled and we can spend some time together." She cried harder and I held her until she settled herself. She had done the exact same thing for me many times and deserved more than I had given in the past year. I had some redemption to seek.

I pulled into the driveway of my grandparents' house feeling at home already and my body relaxed at the sight of it. A beautiful bungalow ranch that was built in the 1920's, the yellow color never being updated but I liked it that way. The front porch swing I had spent many nights in still hung confidently and I walked in immediately to the smell of Yankee Candles. My Grandmother spent most of her time decorating her home and it felt warm and homey. There were Christmas trees up all year round with décor changing at each holiday. Right now her tree's were decorated with bird ornaments but would soon be replaced with fall décor. The warm gold tones with pine green colors scattered throughout and again fate had given me exactly what I needed. I changed into some silk shorts and a tank top before grabbing a sweater and heading out to the swing. My laptop set on my lap and I started to research hip replacements and Alzheimer's to become more of an asset than a burden for the next couple of days. I sat reading the good, bad, and the horrible that made me mourn the loss of my Pawpaw already and my grief for my grandmother grew as I realized he would soon forget her also. My eyes grew heavy when a black escalade with all tinted windows pulled into the driveway and Taylor stepped out of the driver's seat where he opened the door for Christian to climb out of. My feelings battled between excitement and confusion with a hint of anger that he somehow knew where the hell I was but the exhaustion from the night before kept me seated. I could only offer an overwhelmed expression where he just shrugged his shoulders complemented with a boyish innocent grin. His body moved with domineering grace up the driveway and my body warmed with each step he took.

"Do I even want to ask?" I turned to face him in the swing and he shook his head.

"We didn't finish our conversation from earlier." He said nonchalantly as if he hadn't followed me across Washington.

"Is that the reason or was it because you thought Jose might be here?" His eyebrows rose and fell with the question giving me the answer I needed.

"I don't like him. He's not good for you." I had to roll my eyes at that comment because somehow we reached the point to where he now could judge my best friend without knowing him.

"He's been good for me for years along with his family. Why are you here Christian?" Frustratingly closing my laptop and placing it on the concrete, I looked at him lacking the energy to argue with his intrusion.

"I was worried about you after last night and then today. I'm here to finish our earlier conversation and to check on you." He never lacked confidence when he spoke, not once. His self-assurance turned me on without fail and I pulled my knees up to disguise my attraction.

"I can't believe you drove here." I shook my head disbelievingly.

"Oh, I didn't drive." He laughed at the craziness of the idea.

"Where'd you park your spaceship then?"

"It's called a helicopter actually." He corrected me and I couldn't help but laugh, a-lack-of-sleep laugh. Of course, he has a helicopter.

"Let's go inside. I need alcohol for this conversation." He followed me inside and I handed him a glass of wine as we sat on the couch.

"It's very cozy." He tried but I could tell he was staring at the Christmas tree decorated with birds. "How's your grandfather?" I stretched my legs out and lay them on his lap watching him still uncomfortably and I pulled them back. The intimate feeling scared him and I was too tired to deal with a moody Christian already. He grabbed my ankles and straightened my legs letting them fall on his lap. His fingers grazed the smooth skin of my legs sending shocks of excitement to my sex.

"He is going to need a hip replacement and I found out he has Alzheimer's." I decided to change the subject because it became depressing to think about and I had another three days to deal with it. "Christian, do you plan to stay here tonight?" I asked curiously.

"No, I'll fly back when we're done." I hid my disappointment as I watched him bring his fingers up to my thighs.

"When we're done with what?" His head didn't move as he shot a look at me from under those beautiful eyelashes that made my toes curl with excitement. Slowly, his fingers moved up my thighs tugging at my silk shorts and I lifted my hips to let him pull them down teasing me with his wanting stare. My nipples hardened under my tank top, protruding through enough for him to notice and smirk at the effect he has on me. His body crawled up to cover mine and his scent was intoxicating as I placed my wine on the side table and ran my fingers through his tousled copper hair.

"I don't do this with women." He whispered as his lips moved down my neck.

"I know." I whispered back and his admission gave me the confidence to take some control. I unbuttoned his jeans and could feel his hands on my wrists trying to stop me so I shoved my hand into his pants taking his erection in my hand. It distracted him enough to forget and I returned to unzipping his jeans, forcing my mouth to his to distract him more. A deep growl left him as he helped me take his jeans off and I pulled my tank off with his mouth surrounding my nipple immediately. His teeth pulling and nipping causing my body to tremble beneath him and he left a trail of kisses and licks down my stomach before moving to my thighs. The torture was slow and sensual as he kissed deeply the inside of my thighs, leaving wet spots and sensitizing them to his warm breath. His thumb found my clit as he massaged it and my breathing grew rapid.

"Bedroom now." I ordered because the thought of doing him on my grandparents couch bothered me too much. He lifted me with poise and strength and I used my free hand to direct us to my bedroom. It looked the same from senior year and I had to admit it almost felt too personal letting him in. He threw me on the bed and studied our surroundings for a second before returning his attention to me. The teasing vanished and he drove his tongue in me hard before slowing his pace and tonguing my clit. I gripped the ends of his hair in tight fists as the warmth and wet feeling of his tongue drove me wild.

"ahhhhhhh." I whimpered out as I tried to push him away because the pleasure became too much but he held me in place and sucked making me come, my body shaking with one fist clenching his hair and the other my blanket.

"I could listen to you come all night Ana." He rumbled as he kissed me, making me taste myself. His long hard shaft grinded against my sex and I moved myself down the bed before he could stop me. I took him in my mouth, watching him drop his head as I flicked my tongue at the base, and I pulled him back out slowly.

"Ana." He growled and I gripped his ass, taking him in my mouth again and he rose up, giving me full view of his body. He gripped my hair in fists and thrust himself into my mouth over and over again. He hit the back of my throat and I focused on my breathing and the movement of my tongue. His pleasurable moans making me touch myself when he took over. Rubbing with intensity, I began to moan as he had me by the hair and at my sex. He had complete control again and so obviously in his element.

"Fuck, Ana." I could feel him harden more within my mouth and I moaned loudly hinting at my quickly approaching orgasm. His fingers moved faster against my clit and he drove his fingers inside me, giving me the orgasm I so desperately needed.

"Ohhhh, Christian!" I yelled and he brought my head back to take him in fully. Three more thrusts into my mouth and he came releasing himself everything. My swallows accommodated him and his deep growls satisfied my need to pleasure him. He moved down, ready to plunge himself into me when the doorbell rang.

"What the fuck?" He yelled angrily and I got up quickly, throwing my robe on that I fetched from my bag. I ran to the door hoping I could make this quick and I heard him throwing his jeans back on. Opening the door, Jose walked in with an overnight bag and I froze.

"Jose, what are you doing here?" I asked panicking internally and shaking my head externally.

"Ana, I'm here to help. They're like my grandparents too." He began to walk to the spare bedroom when Christian came out of mine. _Fuck me. _Christian's face was cold and angry and I knew he disliked Jose but he looked at him as if he was evil itself. Jose didn't skip a beat and he walked past him into the spare bedroom before stopping and turning to look at me angrily. How I was the bad person now shocked me.

"I'm going straight to bed." He said being unusually short and now I had two moody men. "See you in the morning." I had to admit I was surprised that Jose wasn't more intimidated by Christian.

Christian walked into the living room with his phone to his ear.

"I'm staying here tonight. I'll update you on my plans in the morning." He spoke annoyed to who I presumed was Taylor. Without skipping a beat, he grabbed my arm and led me back to the bedroom, kissing me with overwhelming intensity as we both fell to the bed. He pulled himself back up and began to unbutton his pants.

"I'm going to make sure he knows who makes you come." His jealousy was out of place and I knew my restraint wasn't strong enough to push him away now. He kissed me again as his fingers entered me. "Prepare yourself Ana, I'll have you screaming my name loud enough for him to hear." I melted and almost came right then. Breakfast should be interesting.


	8. Chapter 8: Pitch Perfect

_Enjoy! The reveal will be in Chapter 10 so not too much longer. Let me know what you think and thank you to all who have responded to this story in any way!_

Chapter 8: Pitch Perfect

"Godddd Christian." I screamed in overwhelming bliss and frustration at his unyielding need for sex. The orgasm ran through my entire body as I felt him come with me. Sweat covered our bodies as we lay breathlessly on the bed and I felt grateful that Jose decided to leave making Christian's mission a success. He left no time for me to feel guilty before taking my body again for carnal use.

"You're mine." He growled into my ear as I felt too warm and my muscles ached already.

"Yes." I whispered letting my heavy lids close finally and I appreciated that he didn't try again. He covered us with the sheet and I could hear his breathing slow as mine did in response.

I woke at the sound of my phone ringing and I picked it up and answered without looking at the caller ID. Even picking up my phone was a challenge as every bone in my body ached as I moved.

"Ana. I'm at the hospital. Your Grandmother would like you to bring in her makeup and shampoo." Jose's irritated voice spoke to me and I sat up not realizing the time.

"Okay, I'll be there within the hour." I rambled before slowly climbing out of bed and hanging up. This made for a very awkward situation and I knew Jose and I would have to talk about Christian sometime today. I looked over to see him sleeping peacefully and morning wood. Hoping to not be stuck with pleasuring him before I left, I hurried to the bathroom and turned the shower on. The memories from the night before replayed constantly within my mind as I rinsed the conditioner from my hair. I felt a breeze and then Christian's presence in the shower with his hands grazing my lower back and his lips on my neck. A sly smile appeared on my face.

"A smaller space than what you're used to huh." I spoke jokingly and he continued his kisses down my chest.

"Ana, I am resourceful enough to fuck you anywhere." I brought his head up to mine and kissed him, letting my tongue run against his. "We have to make this quick." I whispered and an excited breath left him knowing that he was up to the challenge.

"Turn around." He ordered and my body obeyed before my mind did. His hands gripped my hips as he drove into me and the sound of his growl of pleasure almost made me come right then. I spread my legs wider to accommodate him more and I placed my hands on the wall praying to keep upright. He moved with intense speed and he hit the perfect spot to have me hanging my head in pleasure. It took only fifteen minutes to have a mind-blowing quickie and be dried off and dressed. As, I dried my hair and threw in some salt water spray, I noticed Christian come back in with an overnight bag and he changed into jeans and a white t-shirt. I swear I almost melted on the floor right there at the casual sight of him.

"Ready to go?" He asked as he walked in to brush his teeth. I nodded unable to find the words because I was too focused on how good he looked. We climbed into the escalade and Taylor drove us both to the hospital. I couldn't help but be nervous to introduce him to my Grandmother and well my PawPaw probably wouldn't remember so that eased my nerves a bit. It saddened me to think of him in his condition. He was a farmer, majored in accounting, and invested in all the right places but enjoyed the simple life. He made sure to take me boating on the river with him while we fished and I listened to his stories of growing up in Montesano back in the day. Before I knew it, we were at the hospital and Taylor was opening my door for me. Christian came around and grabbed my hand surprising me and then I remembered that Jose was here. I led us both to the room to see the shocked expression of my Grandmother and the pissed expression of Jose.

"Here, Grandma. I brought your shampoo and your makeup along with your curling iron." She stood and came around the bed to take her things. "This is Christian, he is my.." I paused for a minute because friend seemed too casual and fuck buddy seemed inappropriate for my audience.

"I'm her boyfriend." He spoke smoothly and my heart danced in excitement. My Grandmother could tell by my give away grin and he held out his hand to greet her.

"Oh. I'm Ruth Steele, Ana's grandmother." She shook his hand and then gave me a look-at-you expression before giving her attention to him again. "It's so nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you. I'm so sorry about your husband. If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to ask. "I found it endearing for him to offer but funny that my grandmother was possibly thinking what exactly he could do to help. Little did she know?

"Thank you so much. Come and sit while Ana visits with her Grandfather. I would love to hear all about you considering she has yet to tell me a thing." My grandmother's energy heightened a bit as it did around good looking men especially ones with me. I walked over to PawPaw passing Jose who refused to look at me.

"Hi, PawPaw. How are you feeling today?" I could tell he had some strong pain medicine because his eyes were glazed and it took him a couple seconds to look at me.

"I can't move. They have left me here to rot." He slurred to me and I felt the overwhelming sense to cry but I didn't want to agitate him more.

"PawPaw, they are helping you. The doctors are helping." He growled at me before swatting at my hand and I could tell he didn't recognize me. His agitation was growing and I thought to step away before wondering if singing his favorite song would help. I sang at a nursing home once and saw the focus return if only for those notes. I grabbed his hand forgetting my audience and began to sing.

_Let me call you sweetheart. _

_ I'm in love with you _

_ Let me hear you whisper_

_ That you love me too_

By the fourth line, he had focused on me still with a look of confusion but I was able to calm him. Vaguely aware that I was being watched by more than just my Pawpaw, I continued before I could become nervous. His bright blue eyes shone up at me giving me just the confidence I needed.

_Keep the love light glowing _

_ In your eyes so true _

_ Let me call you sweetheart _

_ I'm in love with you_

A tear escaped me as he began to sing with me and he squeezed my hand tighter trying to hold on to the moment just as much as I yearned too. I would sing forever to keep him right here with me so I continued with another song. I hoped he would recognize the song that I so very much enjoyed watching him sing. My father, Jose's father, and PawPaw would all belt this song out on our pontoon boat after a couple drinks. It held my most cherished feelings and his as it was right before my father passed.

_ If you ever change your mind_

_About leaving, leaving me behind_

_Oh-oh, bring it to me_

_Bring your sweet loving_

_Bring it on home to me_

_ I know I laughed when you left_

_But now I know I only hurt myself_

"Ana?" I heard him speak softly and I couldn't help the tears that now fell from my eyes.

"Yeah, it's me." I grazed his cheeks softly as he now looked at me with sad eyes probably realizing with all sanity just how sick he really was.

"I'm sick baby. I'm so sorry." My breaths were shaky now that I saw he worried for me and he winced in pain when he moved.

"I know Pawpaw. It's not your fault. I love you, you know it?" I kissed his cheek and he held me close for a second before my Grandmother came to the other side.

"I love you too sweet girl. Don't worry about me. It's not all bad. I'm stuck in times when your mom and dad are around. It's the most beautiful sight." He whispered and I stood to give him and my grandmother some time. It all felt too personal to break down in front of Jose and Christian so I walked out knowing if I didn't, desperate sobs would be shed in that room. I walked out into the hall and stopped where I could at least still hear the last remaining words of my Grandfathers sanity today.

"Jose, I actually think Christian should be the one to see if Ana's okay honey. Let's give us a break huh?" She spoke kindly to Jose and I knew she must have sensed the tension between us. Quickly, I tried to dry my tears because it was too early in our relationship for this kind of drama. I smelled his cologne before I felt his arm grab mine as he led me to a chair in a small opening obviously set up for visitors. We were the only two so we had our choice of seating which he chose by the window.

"What you did in there was amazing Ana. You brought him out of it." His elation and shock had me trying to smile back but it all I felt was overwhelmed. "Don't shut me out. Please." He was surprisingly calming and I tried to gather my feelings into a sentence he could comprehend. I sighed in defeat unable to find the adjectives I needed so I closed my eyes and let the words escape as I envisioned my Grandfather.

"I feel heartbroken." I whispered out and I hated that he had to see me this way. It wasn't out of pride but more discomfort because I didn't want to overwhelm him already; although, my whole Kate-revenge thing was quite an ice-breaker.

"I can see why. You two seem close. Look, they are about to take him in for surgery. I'll have Taylor grab breakfast for all of us while we wait." He was a rock, a hard base that grounded any anxiety I felt about being out of control. My fingers writhed together as I remembered our newfound status.

"Yes, I am your boyfriend. You are mine." He must have sensed my questioning expression as he sat next to me and I wished I could let my heart dance as it should at the words but I caged it with doubt.

"Are you with me out of possession? When people form a relationship, one that is healthy, they trust each other. Do you trust me?" He didn't meet my eyes this time as I spoke to him and it gave me the clear answer, the one I knew before I even let the question escape my lips.

"Ana, I rationalize it like this. When I met you, you were in pain, a different person because of it. When you sang, the way your friends look at you, the way you handle Elena, and what I just saw shows me who you really are. I trust the fact that you have found yourself again and I am working on it. I am possessive and controlling; although, you have made me rethink some of the ways I approach situations. I need you to understand that it will most likely always be this way." I did understand that. People don't change their ways overnight and some behaviors were innate, like breathing. That is how I saw his controlling ways and possessiveness. I didn't plan to change him but I knew we could find some middle ground with it.

"Ana, they just took your grandfather for surgery." We both turned to see Jose standing awkwardly across the carpeted threshold.

"Good." I stood and kissed Christian on the cheek before pulling Jose into the small waiting room. "Both of you stay. Find some common ground or some way to tolerate one another. Figure your shit out because if either of you make me choose, then neither of you will have me. I will never forgive either of you if you put me in that position." I felt strongly about this: my eyes, stance, and voice never wavered so they could understand how serious and important their getting along meant to me. I turned and met my Grandmother by the room where she led me to the waiting room where we would wait for my PawPaw.

"How are you doing?" I asked holding her hand. She was dressed as she usually was in jeans, a khaki green turtleneck, and a black and gold vest sweater with a beautiful pattern of spirals embroidered on. I remembered buying it for her two years ago for her birthday from Coldwater Creek. She was biting at the inside of her lip, a nervous habit, she had acquired because she thought no one could tell.

"I'm nervous. I have a feeling he's never coming home." She spoke quietly and I squeezed tighter on her hand.

"He needs monitoring. You need a break. I'm so sorry I haven't been around to help." She patted my thigh as she shook her head.

"Oh, I didn't want you to know. I wanted you to focus on yourself especially after Kate. It's just, his Alzheimer's progressed so fast. It was forgetting things one day, and then not recognizing our own house the next." As much as I wanted to question her on how she had taken care of him the past year, I didn't want to remember my PawPaw in these ways. I wanted to remember him as the large guiding hand he had been. He loved his family; my father, me, and my grandmother. You could see it and then his large and commanding presence made me feel safe. "I like Christian. He reminds me of your grandfather." I looked at her with a look of disbelief before she just laughed.

"I like him too." I was about to label the ways when I watched him and Jose walk in defeated looks. It's not as if I expected them to be hugging it out but I expected at least a smile from them both.

"I have to run outside to make a phone call. I'll be back." Christian spoke grimly and I couldn't help the disapproving look I gave him. Once he left, Jose moved closer and my intuitive grandmother stood to give us space.

"We're fine with each other." It wasn't believable but I figured they would both make sacrifices of pride to appease me.

"Look, I know you think you love me." I felt a twinge of guilt as he looked at me shocked. How couldn't I know? "It's just that I think it's misplaced. We have grown up together, practically raised together, and I think you feel it out of the fact that it seems right. I wish I could love you like that. I love you dearly but as my best friend and brother. You'll find someone. You are easy to love. Hell, even Kate had a major crush on you the day after I introduced you both. I think she might have even loved you at one point." I had always promised her never to tell him but now it seemed like he needed to hear it. He needed to know he could be loved by someone else.

"She did before you guys moved?" Odd question, but I shrugged it off. "Yeah. She never pursued you because of your feelings for me. I felt like she might have resented me for it sometimes but she always promised she didn't." He went quiet, and Christian came back in shooting Jose a look that quickly made him stand and move away.

"Sorry, it was business." His mood had turned foul and I let my legs hang over his thighs as I rubbed his fingers. I couldn't imagine the stress he had to endure with his business and I could visibly see some of the stress disappear. His face relaxed first, followed by his shoulders, and then his breathing. Whatever phone call he had taken must have been damn stress inducing.

The surgery was a success but my Grandfather was hardly responsive afterwards so I helped my Grandmother pick a rehab facility for his recovery. She was surprisingly accommodating with the idea of finding a rehab/long-term facility knowing that he would most likely become a permanent resident. Jose had left the hospital after the surgery and Christian sat in the room on his lap top doing work. Even with his silence, he was an odd form of security for me. We left my grandmother to stay another night knowing he wouldn't be discharged most like for another day depending on how he responded when he woke. Christian's phone became attached to him as he talked business the entire way home. I couldn't help but listen to him in his element. His deep voice, that perfect low key on a piano, gave orders in the most dominant way possible. Even his shoulders, and his large flat hand curved over his thigh gave signs of his natural strength. I climbed out of the Escalade, first noticing the full moon in all its white and routine glory. My feet started naturally to walk around the house and into the back where my mother and I used to lay when there was a full moon. The trampoline still in its usual place with dead grass beneath it because of its lack of movement sent memories of the many nights my mother and I would come over just to stare at the sky. A beautiful September night with just a slight chill enveloped the town of Montesano and I left my flip flops on the grass.

"Ana, what are you doing?" Christian shouted from the patio. "Get off that thing. Those are death traps." I didn't listen and I just lay listening to the sounds of the breeze hitting the trees and the voice of an owl hiding with in the vicinity. Christian's footsteps became audible as his large body moved towards me.

"What's going on?" He asked confused and I rolled over to look at him. I patted the space next to me and he shook his head.

"No." I rolled back.

"Christian, I'm going to be out here for a while. Join me or go do something else." I could sense his reluctance and then I heard the sigh of defeat. One that I think he had just become accustomed to because I didn't jump at every command. The trampoline dipped as he climbed on much more gracefully than I could ever manage and he lay next to me.

"What are you looking at?" He questioned as if the stars and moon weren't obvious enough.

"My mother and I used to sneak over here during a full moon. We would lay on here and talk for hours. No matter how much of raging hormonal teenager I was and how rude I probably was, this time we were equals. I would actually talk to her openly about what I was feeling and she would do the same. We reconnected here enough to satisfy our bad days as mother and daughter especially in High School." He listened intently and didn't respond for a while which was fine. My mind raced with the different conversations that happened here.

"I wish I had a mother like that." He whispered out and I could see him wince as he spoke.

"Grace seems like a wonderful mother." I tried to reassure him but he didn't seem to relax any.

"She's not my real mother. She adopted me when I was younger. My real mother was a drug addict and murdered." A sharp inhale of air told him I was shocked. I hurt for him or anyone whose mother didn't live up to her role and then murdered. The darkness must have helped him open up and the fact that neither of us looked at each other during our admissions.

"I'm sorry. That's horrible." I could feel him shrug his shoulders and I refused to look at him to make him feel even more uncomfortable about it. If there was one thing I knew, it was that he hated pity.

"It's why I hate to be touched on my chest and shoulders." I fought to remember if I had touched him in any of those places besides our dance together and sex. Our bodies hadn't met that way during sex. He kept himself upright and I guess I had never touched him there either. It's the oddest sense when clues came together and formed a clearer picture.

"I wished you would have told me." I told him finally rolling over to look at him.

"Why? So you could try to change me? Be the one who I allow to touch me there." His tone hurt a bit before I reigned in my emotions and justified it with his discomfort. He had always had submissives and maybe this was the first time he had a real conversation with a woman.

"No, so I wouldn't touch you there not unless you allowed me to." He visibly relaxed again and I figured we both had enough depressing shit to deal with for the day.

"Where's Taylor?" I asked him as I looked towards the house that had no lights on.

"He's heading back to his hotel. Why?" I moved towards him, specifically his southern region, and began to unbutton his pants. "Ana, not out here."

"Christian, this is a five acre lot and its pitch black outside. I'm more worried about the mosquito's being turned on than any neighbors." He flipped me over and pulled at my thighs so I could feel his erection.

"So I can make you scream then and no one will hear?" His seductive tone sent shots of pleasure through me.

"The coyotes might wonder why they lost one depending on how giving you are feeling." I saw the vague outline of a grin on his face and small chuckles leave him.

"Oh, I'm feeling very generous Ana."


	9. Chapter 9: Calm Before The Storm

_Next Chapter is the reveal! I will have it up by the end of the week! There's a teaser at the end for the next chapter. Enjoy! _

Chapter 9: Calm Before The Storm

Christian sat next to me as we drove back to Seattle. He had enjoyed the doting ways of my Grandmother and the fact that Jose had disappeared for the rest of the weekend. I tried to call him knowing that he would be moving and opening his gallery in Seattle soon but after our conversation at the hospital we seemed to be on two separate continents. It was odd and depressing. He had been my best friend longer than anyone; practically my brother. His father was my father's best friend. Trying not to go down that road again, I watched Christian drive. There is something devastatingly hot about watching a man drive especially mine. I couldn't stop the grin that appeared then and honestly, I wouldn't especially as his hand graced my thigh. He couldn't get enough of me. I don't think I have ever, wait, actually I know I have never had this much sex in a two day period in my life. Seeing his defined and flexed hand squeezing my thigh was enough for my mind to imagine dirty things. It can't go too far, I'm not sure my scalp or vagina could take any more.

"What are you thinking about over there?" He asked with his usual seductive tone; one that I had yet to build a wall up for. Yeah right, the way his lips curled at the corners would blow it down with a soft exhale.

"Books. Very intense books." I replied knowing he knew already where my mind was and it wasn't in the gutter of a library. He let out a deep and bellowing laugh while he took my hand and grazed my knuckles with his lips.

"Thank you for being there this weekend. I know you're probably extremely behind at work." I commented trying to change the subject. I am not kidding when I say my body can't handle it right now.

"It's no problem. Work is fine. I'm just glad that we found your Grandfather the best rehab facility." Oh, yes; the rehab facility. The one where after my Grandfather was admitted, he decided to donate $300,000.

"You didn't have to donate? I'm not sure why you did."

"Because Ana, your grandfather now will have undivided attention and the best care to keep that money." I don't know why I hadn't realized this before. I'm generally somewhat intelligent to subtext of conversations and actions.

"Oh, thank you." I leaned over and kissed his cheek, relishing the feel of his stubble against my lips. His scent was intoxicating especially being so close.

"Ana, if you don't want me to put my fingers down your pants right now then you should probably remove the heat of your breath from my neck." Quickly sitting in my seat, he looked at me amusingly out of the corners of his eyes. I now understand the Gym stipulation in his contracts. The treadmill was just not cutting it.

"Can you schedule me a session with your trainer?" He narrowed his eyes at me in a way that told me it had only been a matter of time before he knew I would ask.

"Just do a session with me tomorrow."

"No. Definitely not." I replied back hastily.

"Why?"

"Because working out with a trainer pisses me off. I hate the way they encourage you while you work out. I know it's completely backwards but I imagine them dying when they do it. It just enrages me for some reason. I would prefer you don't see me if and when I snap." He laughed again.

"You have done this before?"

"Well, on the last training session yes and in volleyball in High School. It's just I hate being told what to do and then I hate them encouraging me to do something that is most likely making me want to throw up or pass out in that moment. It's hypocritical when their just standing there watching."

"My trainer works out during the session."

"Well, that's worse. Now, I have an example of what I should look like making me feel even more ridiculous. I just want him to show me a couple different routines and I'll do them on my own. " Not true. Not even close. This was my downfall with trainers. I needed them to make me do it but then I despised them for making me.

"Ana." He laughed again. "Just come tomorrow. If you want to leave, feel free to leave." He took my hand again and rivaled the puppy dog eyes of a doe eyed two-year old.

"Fine." I huffed before smiling at him again.

My phone began to ring and I searched for my phone rummaging through my purse. It was Jack's number and I decided to let it go to voicemail. That douchebag didn't need to ruin my weekend yet. While placing my phone back into my purse, I saw the folded piece of paper that I generally had locked up. Pulling it out, I realized I had forgotten that I had it in there.

"Is that the note?" I heard him ask with a deepened and more concerned tone.

"Yeah. This is it." I replied, tapping the paper against my thigh. It didn't hold as much power as it had before. I think my obsession for Christian was all held within this piece of paper. Her blame and my guilt all came from what she said in it. I needed to find someone else to blame; someone else to feel this hurt. I opened it to read it once more and then I was going to rip it up into pieces and throw it out of the window.

_I will never be like her. Never good enough. I see this now. _

_I'm sorry Mom and Dad for doing this but you created me giving me nothing of value for him besides my body._

_Ana, I wish we had never met. _

For the longest time afterwards, I sobbed hysterically over those words before trying to justify it with her depression. Now it just angered me. I would stay up at night wondering what would have changed if we had never met? I made the first rip slowly just in case I wanted to change my mind but the sound and the view of the space between the torn papers made the decision easier. I tore easily and with purpose as the one large paper finally became multiple little fragments with letters appearing on the small spaces. Without even prompting, Christian lowered my window and I turned to see him offering a weak smile. As weak as the smile was it offered the strength I needed and I let the small paper fly off my hands and into the breeze. It was nothing now. There was no meaning to it as it made no sense now. It was only small pieces of paper with letters not one paper with a message.

"I'm officially done." I whispered and he gave my hand a squeeze.

"Good." His reply short and sweet and did it ever feel good.

I sat at my desk already annoyed with Jack and the shit load of work he had piled on me. I should have damn well known he would punish me this way with the two days I requested off. He was lucky I didn't have anything torturing my thoughts anymore. I was free of Kate and her death. The only memories that my mind couldn't get enough of were the ones Christian and I made this past weekend. We took the night off from sex last night and curled up in my bed while he worked. I watched the furrow in his brow when he read something "fucking stupid" on a proposal. My phone broke through the memory.

"SIP Publishing, this is Ana." I spoke on autopilot.

"Ana, hey." I recognized the voice immediately and couldn't decide if I should yell at him or yelp excitedly.

"Jose." I replied lacking any emotion. He could explain his behavior.

"Can we do lunch? I just moved up yesterday and I know I have been a shitty friend." Sighing in defeat, I straightened in my chair staring at the picture of Reagan and I on my desk. She had given it to me last night when we got back to Seattle.

"Fine. I'll have lunch in an hour. There is a sushi bar down the street. I'll text you the address."

"Great. See you then!" He said excitedly and I wanted to strangle him for his mood swings. Jesus, Christian was enough.

Hitting the sidewalk, it was cooler than usual for September. Sixty degrees at noon and the sun hid behind clouds. I was suddenly glad that my black and white striped shift dress had longer sleeves. My statement necklace moved against my chest as I picked up pace to the restaurant. Walking in, I noticed Jose right away as he sat in the booth and raised his hand for me to see.

"Hi." I uttered breathlessly as I slid into the booth.

"Hey." He replied smiling at me with confusion.

"What?" I asked as I sipped my water.

"I just don't think I will ever get used to seeing you so done up." He replied and I scoffed.

"I know but honestly, I'm so glad I got my fashion shit together." He laughed and I couldn't help but feel relief flood my body as we were now back to normal. "How was the move?"

"Tiring but finished. The gallery opens this weekend."

"I know. I stalked you online to see any news and then found an article about you on Seattle Times. Asshole." I quipped trying to make him feel guilty that I had to find out that way.

"Sorry. It's just been very hectic."

"Do you need any help the day of? I can head over early and help you with anything."

"No. I don't think Christian would like me stealing you for an entire day and night." I looked at him in irritation at the presumption that Christian could control me in that way. He had begun to slowly learn that his control was reserved entirely for the bedroom.

"Honestly, Jose. His opinion on the situation doesn't matter. If you need me that day, just let me know."

"I only need you that night." He spoke kindly.

"Okay." I ordered my meal as we caught up on his art. He explained that he had some pictures of Kate and I up from some of our many photo shoots back in college. It didn't surprise me. They hung on the walls of his gallery in Portland so it wasn't a shock.

"It's so weird you're with Christian Grey. Did you know Kate went on a date with his brother?"

"Once. They hooked up and that was it. She had gone with her parents to some event and brought him home. He did the walk of shame in his tux the morning after as I sat in our apartment." I smiled at the memory. That was before she met her Dom. Shit, was it Elliot? "Wait, she told you this?" I asked him a little taken aback that she would indulge that information with him. I mean we were all best friends but still.

"She mistakenly mentioned it. I didn't know the details." He muttered quickly as if trying to change the subject which was fine with me. Elliot? Maybe she told me Christian to protect Elliot. Who the fuck knows now? I had just gotten over this shit before being offered a semi-fitting person for her Dom. I tried to focus on the rest of the conversation but Jose knew my mind was elsewhere. She would have trusted Elliot over Christian with participating in BDSM because they had already hooked up. Feeling the beginnings of a pounding headache, I rubbed my temples to ease the ache.

Returning to my desk, it felt like Deja Vu. I was back to being tortured by my thoughts of Kate and the still large to-do-list of work sitting on my desk didn't help. My day had officially gone to shit now. This trainer of Christian's better prepare himself.

I climbed into Christian's Bentley in three quarter length yoga pants and a fleece zip up covering the tank top I had yet to get approval for. It gave me nice cleavage and it covered my stomach which was better than my workout gear from last week that he threw a fit about.

"Are you okay? You look like something's wrong." Trying not to screw things up again with secrets I turned to him.

"Was Elliot Kate's Dom?" I asked with fear in my gut and nausea ready to attack at any moment. What would it do to us if he was? To my surprise he just began to laugh but there was a restraint there still.

"Elliot? No. Definitely not." He began to laugh again at the craziness of the question. It relaxed me immediately. "I thought you were done with this?" He asked again as he gathered me up on his lap.

"I know. I'm sorry. I just remembered that she had been with Elliot before and then it made sense somewhat that she would lie about him…to protect him if she was in love with him." He moved a free strand of hair and placed it behind my ear before eyeing my cleavage.

"Anastasia Steele." He growled before pulling the zipper of my fleece down.

"It covers my stomach." I spoke sweetly to see him shake his head at me disapprovingly.

"What am I going to do with you?" He murmured as his fingers grazed the top of my breasts.

"Well, since you are mesmerized by my boobs right now, can you let their power not anger you when I say that you are escorting me to Jose's Gallery opening Saturday?" He stilled immediately before zipping my fleece back up.

"I don't think that's a good idea." His voice had turned cold.

"I wasn't asking for permission. I'm definitely going; I was just asking if you would like to escort me to the event. I wouldn't be upset with either answer you give me." He sighed frustratingly.

"Of course I'll escort you." He finally replied looking defeated. Knowing how much he hated being out of control I gave him a prize for his compromise. I straddled him in the car thankful for the tinted windows.

"Thank you." I kissed him softly and quickly felt his erection. Smiling as he kissed me he pulled back.

"Taylor, take us to Escala." Taylor replied with a quick yes sir before we turned around.

"What are you doing?" I asked, laughing, feeling grateful that I didn't have to endure the training session.

"I'll train you myself…all night long." I laughed not caring that Taylor was in the front. At first it had bothered me but Christian made it damn near impossible to notice anything outside of our world when we were together.

"You know this just keeps giving me more reasons to wear less clothing when I work out." I joked back while I slid back into my seat. Escala couldn't come fast enough. It would be the first time I had ever been in his apartment. My leg shook impatiently in the elevator. I was ready to rip his damn clothes off while he stood there not showing any emotion besides being entertained by mine.

As soon as the elevator door opened he lifted me over his shoulder.

"Lose the shoes Ana." Between my laughter, I kicked them off letting them land on the floor. He threw me on his king sized bed as he removed his shirt. I could have fisted the sheets just at the sight of his defined chest and arms. They were heavenly and the much focused and somewhat devious expression on his face suggested I was in for quite a training session.

"Is this training session free? I'm kind of broke but I can pay you in other ways" I asked as I bit my lip and wrapped a strand around my finger as he pulled my Yoga pants off with ease. Discovering where my statement was going he just smirked.

"What forms of payment besides money do you have in mind Miss."

"Ones that clearly go against company policy for you I'm sure." I drawled as I unzipped my fleece slowly and he lay with a smile brighter than any I had seen. He was clearly happy with the direction I was taking our session.

"I fucking hate company policy." He replied waiting for me to offer my form of payment.

"Then you should enjoy this." I hooked my fingers under the waistband of his basketball shorts feeling him shiver at the touch. Pulling them down, he sprang free in all his thick and hard glory. I placed him into my mouth, letting it coat him with warmth and long flicks of my tongue.

"Fuck Ana." He growled behind gritted teeth. Teasing him at first, I went down all the way to his base feeling the tip hit the back of my throat. It was enough to force my throat to contract but I lifted up to make it barely noticeable. Taking my hand and stroking the base so I didn't have to go down so far, I took him back in my mouth and began an easy rhythm. I loved the feel of him growing within my grip and hardening in my mouth. His groans had my panties a mess with how wet I was becoming.

"Faster Ana." He ordered and the tone stung my sex with pleasure. I did as he asked and I felt the back of his hand wrapping my ponytail around his hand and he moved his hips to fuck my mouth. I prepared myself and tried to sustain some normal breathing as he hit the back of my throat. I cupped his balls as he quivered with the touch.

"Fuck, no." He unwrapped his hand and threw me onto my back. "I'm going to fuck you now but only for my pleasure. I'll worry about yours later." Seeing him in Dom mode almost had me touching myself just to finish but he drove into me hard and fast: blurring my vision for a second.

"You're the best trainer that I have ever had." I uttered breathlessly as I broke him from Dom mode into a relaxed Christian.

"Oh fuck it. Come with me." I smiled as he kissed me forcefully moving his hips into me with a beautiful pace. He hit every spot that had me writhing beneath him. Hooking his arms under my knees, he brought them up and he held my ankles as he managed to thrust deeper.

"Oh. My. God." I yelled as he continued relentlessly. His grip growing tighter on my ankles and his fingers dug in deeper as he grew close. I used the weight of him on the comforter to oppose my grip on the sheets and kept myself still for him. He let go of my ankles and collapsed on top of me running his hand into the back of my head and pulling hard. Now fucking me harder and faster, I was there completely as he continued. The room stilled, no sound could escape my mouth, and everything blurred besides his movements. His breathing grew ragged on my neck and he clenched tighter on my hair as he came. Gritted teeth and growls were all I could make out as his pleasure became mine.

"All night long…" He whispered and I knew my forms of payment had just begun. Sessions had become outrageously expensive.

* * *

**Snippet from Chapter 10 of Retribution**

**"You told her." I heard him say and I turned to see Christian standing behind me. **

**"Wait, you knew?" Tears had sprung free from my eyes and I hoped I could at least wait until I was alone to completely break down. **

**"Ana, I wanted to protect you." He inched closer trying to grab my wrist and I stepped back. **

**"Fuck you. You lied to me." I screamed at him needing to run. It felt like my heart were about to explode and I couldn't breathe. **


	10. Chapter 10: Betrayal

_Enjoy! Sorry for the long wait. Life has been a little hectic lately. _

Chapter 10: Betrayal

"Play nice." I eyed him as he sat coldly next to me. His stare could ice the headrests. The only response I was able to receive from him was a head nod and a slight look from the corners of his eyes. _What a baby._ Sitting back, I realized how anxious I was for Jose. This has been his dream for so long and I was so close to begging Christian to use his pull on the critics but at this point, I'd be surprised if he wasn't the worst one of them all. If his mood didn't perk up, we would be spending the majority of the night separated.

"Christian." I snapped in frustration and he turned to me finally as I gave him an are-you-serious look.

"What?" I narrowed my eyes at his irritated response.

"Are you going to act like a child the entire night?"

"Ana." He spoke as a warning and his expression grew dark as I noticed his hand twitch. Taking my gaze from his eyes to his hand and then back up with a smirk, I knew where he wanted that hand.

"Christian." I quipped back doubting my decision in inviting him. I should have never asked. He held my stare as we both fought for control of the situation. Damned if I were going to lose, I had a best friend to support tonight, not a boyfriend. I felt his hands on my ass before I felt his lips on mine and he forcefully pulled me on top of his lap. His tongue slid sensually against mine and he lined my lips with it before pulling back.

"Fuck, you're frustrating." He commented as I smiled at him.

"Me? I'm not Lord Coldemort over here deciding which spell to kill my girlfriend's best friend with." He smirked at me before he began to laugh.

"That was creative."

"Don't mock me." I playfully hit his arm as I slid back into my seat. "Seriously though, I need you to be enjoyable company tonight." It was the look I usually get when I demand something of him. He wasn't quite used to compromising for someone else yet. It was insanely hot he felt the need to not cater to anyone but then insanely frustrating at the same time. This was the only accurate description of my feelings for him at the moment.

"I will behave appropriately." He grumbled out before giving me that damn smile that I could easily strip to right now. It should be damn illegal to be blessed with a smile like that. I'm surprised he doesn't have half naked women running after his Bentley right now.

Returning my stare to the passing buildings, I become anxious again. Growing up, Jose and I used to take his grandmother's polaroid camera and take pictures in the barn, on the old tree's, or in his grandfather's old chevy truck. I need to find those for him. After a while, he would just begin to photograph old wooden door frames, people, and there was once he had an obsession with body parts. That was the summer I lied about being friends with him to a couple of people at school. It still makes me cringe in embarrassment that I did that. What a horrible best friend I was that summer. His gallery finally came into view as the lights were bright inside, the walls were white with photographs decorating them in vintage style frames all throughout, and the exposed brick backdrop against the far wall of the space peeked out behind the crowd. I wanted to dance in excitement for him. This was his dream and there is never a more beautiful sight then seeing someone accomplish it. I finally realized that his success and his happiness was much needed, especially after, well never mind. The car pulled to a slow stop as Christian climbed out in all his beautiful animalistic grace and he came around to open my door. Offering his hand begrudgingly, I took a deep breath and prepared myself for what most likely will be two dogs fighting over a bone. In all reality, Jose has more pull on my heart than Christian but I would never forgive Jose for putting me in that position if he ever did. We walked into the gallery being greeted by a young blonde woman who stared longer than needed at Christian. He would've noticed if his eyes weren't glued to me the entire time. Jose was enamored by some pretty ladies across the room so we began our viewing of his photographs. The first were some from years ago when he visited Mexico on a mission trip which I had seen before. They were some of my favorites. Christian led me quickly to the next group which were pictures of Kate and I.

"I'm buying every one of you and I'm blowing that one up and framing it." He pointed to one where I was on a bridge in a white dress. I began to laugh as he looked at me with a devious smirk. That was the day he stalked me to the restaurant and used his tongue in very creative forms in the limo.

"Because that doesn't add to your stalker tendencies you clearly showcased that day." I playfully quipped back but he didn't find the comment so funny. Honestly, recalibrating my sensitivity and humor were getting tiring. Time to do damage control, I leaned in close and grazed my lips on his cheek.

"I'll make up for that later." I offered my best sorry eyes and the corners of his lips curled up. I smiled at him victoriously as he responded the same way. "You can't stay mad at me." He just shook his head and we began to walk again. The crowd had dispersed before us and I looked proudly at the photos when they became different. A photo of a wrist wrapped in rope left me feeling a little confused and Christian started to pull me back.

"I think we should probably go greet Jose. I need to pay for your photographs too." Suspiciously staring at him, I realized he was just ready to leave and I turned away to finish the tour. I stilled at the next photo of red lines. It looked so familiar and it made my heart race as if my body recognized it before my mind did. I inched closer to the photograph when an extreme wave of nausea hit me. My heart sank deeper than I could ever imagine feeling it. Tears pricked at my eyes and I took the picture off the wall. My vision had blurred and then cleared as my grip grew so tight around the frame that I was afraid my fingernails would break the glass.

"Ana!" Christian yelled at me but I was far gone now. I stormed towards Jose fearing that I might just hit him with the picture and break down at the same time. Reagan came into view but quickly stepped out of the way when she saw the livid energy field I had created. Jose met my eyes and then dropped to the photo I was holding and he quickly excused himself and walked towards the back of the gallery. I had my eyes glued on him and I had never walked as gracefully in heels before as I did that night. It was as if the anger and the concentration of my anger had every sense of my body focused and on point. Vaguely aware, that Christian was loudly whispering my name, I threw a hand back to shush him. I didn't need his shit right now. Jose disappeared through some door hidden behind a curtain and I pushed my way through. He was standing in what appeared to be his office and he leaned against his desk unable to look at me.

"Ana!" I heard Christian bellow behind me but I didn't take my eyes off of Jose. He was going to feel every bit of disappointment and hate I felt for him in that moment.

"You told her." I heard him say and I turned to see Christian standing behind me.

"Wait, you knew?" Tears had sprung free from my eyes and I hoped I could at least wait until I was alone to completely break down.

"Ana, I wanted to protect you." He inched closer trying to grab my wrist and I stepped back.

"Fuck you. You lied to me." I screamed at him needing to run. It felt like my heart were about to explode and I couldn't breathe. They both stood in front of me looking at me as if I were some unpredictable creature which I was but still, one of them could offer a fucking explanation. Not knowing what to do with their silence, I threw the picture on the floor.

"Ana, calm down." Christian ordered attempting to move closer to me. No. I couldn't stand to be touched right now by either of them. Fuck, since when was breathing so fucking hard. My eyes watered as I struggled to pull in a deep breath and stepping back from both of them I snapped.

"Stay the fuck away from me!" It took the only deep breath I could muster and Christian paused in surprise. A couple of short and shallow breaths to give myself enough strength to speak again and I inhaled deeply. "I will never forgive you for this." It suddenly registered that neither of them knew which one I was referring to and I also couldn't answer that question currently. I jerked myself around and pushed open the door as they both followed probably afraid I would start a scene.

"Ana, please let me explain. You don't know what happened." Jose whispered frantically and I raised my hand to him in a don't-even-fuck-with-me manner. I turned to see them both stop in confusion thinking I was heading for the entrance to leave. Thank God the music was loud enough to at least hide some of the chaos that was ensuing around these poor innocent attendee's. I moved in between a young couple and not very gracefully as I heard their breaths of shocks. Pulling the picture of the wrist wrapped in rope down and every other picture on that particular wall, I moved past the now curious crowd.

"Ana, what is going on?" I heard Reagan ask as she joined me at my side and gazed at me worriedly. I gave her a look that she just nodded at and she followed me out onto the sidewalk. I was 75% sure I was about to pass out not knowing when the last time I took a breath was. Panicking with my next move, I just took a left and began my ridiculous mission of passing the time before I passed out. I would welcome with open arms unconsciousness right now.

"Ana!" I heard Christian yell but I didn't stop. I couldn't. If I wasn't going to pass out, I would tire myself out hopefully walking with six framed disgusting pictures that outed the true colors of a person I thought I knew better than myself. Reagan kept pace and I started to feel bad as I could hear her breathing grow heavy.

"He's still following." She whispered and I stopped knowing I couldn't outrun the sex athlete himself especially not in these heels. I turned to him as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk staring at me with frustration. Feeling the need to do something, to hurt something, to just do something with this anger, I grabbed one of the framed pictures and threw it on the sidewalk. It shattered into glass pieces that I could depressingly relate to and I grabbed the next one.

"Ana, at least take it into the alley." He ordered and I met his fierce grey eyes with deep intensity that stemmed from the anger that restricted my breathing yet allowed it to continue suffocating me. The logic wasn't lost on me and I stood there wondering if I wanted to let him have this one. Dramatically sighing with frustration, I rounded the corner into the alley and I threw the frame against the wall. Distantly aware that both Christian and Reagan were watching me with pity, I kept throwing them at the exposed brick of the building. So close to the surface were my tears, my ugly and violent breakdown, and my pain just clawing at me to get out. My arms hung at my sides heavily as I stared at the broken frames that encased the pictures of Kate. If only he knew that I had to apply aloe to her skin after their fucking scenes and I had spent the time studying her broken skin. I wanted to throw up right there but then the desperate craving for an escape hit me. Desperate in the fact that I craved large amounts of alcohol and no one to question the intake. Going home would lead me to the box of Kate, leaving me to the racing thoughts of unanswered questions and I needed to forget; at least until the morning when I would make Jose tell me everything. The thought of dealing with him now stung my chest in a way that almost brought me to my knees. Having a plan of getting completely drunk filled the void of what to do with myself. It wasn't my best idea and I knew my current state wasn't the best to drink in but losing my two best friends in a two year period supported my mission, strongly.

"Where are you going?" Christian questioned frustratingly while Reagan just simply joined my side. I kept walking scanning the area for my sanctuary.

"There!" I pointed and kept my feet moving with quick pace not stopping until I hit that bar stool and ordered myself a couple of shots to burn down my throat, a less painful sense than what I was feeling now.

"Ana! Stop and talk to me first." I turned and Reagan kept going probably preparing the bar for my potential stumbling drunk I was looking for. My leg bounced nervously as we both stood there and I wished I didn't stop because looking at him, I wanted to sob. Within those sobs, I wanted him to hold me and caress my back to calm me but that pissed me off even more. Look where complete trust in my best friends got me; on a fucking sidewalk about to enter a shithole bar although the shithole bars were always the best to frequent.

"How long have you known?" My voice was on the verge; shaky and quivering.

"I had someone investigate Kate's phone records after you told me she had used my name as her Dom." His voice was strong but his apologetic gaze softened the delivery.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I was pleading more than questioning needing him more than I wanted to admit. He stepped forward and I kept my gaze on his chest knowing that meeting his eyes would be the end for me tonight.

"I knew it would break you. It would taint years of good memories for you and I couldn't be the one to do it. I care for you too much to deliver such pain." His finger grazed my cheek and I closed my eyes finally finding a large exhale filled with relief that at least I could find some order in the chaos in tonight.

"The pictures!" I gasped remembering I had left them in the alley for anyone to see. His finger left my cheek and hooked my chin bringing my gaze up to his.

"I had Taylor retrieve them." Managing a grateful smile, he pulled me into him giving me the embrace and intimacy I desperately needed. The buzzing of my phone finally registering and I ignored it knowing it was Jose. The scent of Christian blanketed me along with his arms and I unwound into his embrace begging my tears to retreat.

"I'm still going to the bar." I pulled away from him as my anger returned with just the thought of Jose. He gave me a disapproving look and for some reason I felt the need to defend my decision even though decisions like these rarely offered logical or beneficial reasons. "I'm 23 years old and have yet to develop strong enough rationale to deal with this situation in a healthy manner." It was all I could offer and I spun quickly retaining the confidence in my decision despite his displeasure. If you acknowledged the irrational reasoning, then you were somewhat in control.

Reagan sat at the bar with shots lined up and I knew her similarities to Kate in this fashion would benefit us. Christian sat on the bar stool next to me and Reagan handed me the shot of which I could smell was tequila. She knew me well. Taking it down with no hesitation at all, it glided down my throat and I winced as it did. Blowing my bangs out of my face in relief, frustration, and exhaustion; I picked up another shot.

"Jesus." I heard Christian's breathy mumble and I took the second shot. Soon, I would move to beer but I needed the immediate gratification that shots offered specifically tequila. Reagan took one shot with me but then switched to cranberry and vodka as all three of us sat there in silence. Hating it, I asked Reagan about her Friday night to which she delved into details of her one night stand completely neglecting the fact that Christian was next to me. I couldn't quite thank her enough for choosing a topic of conversation that easily made me laugh as she compared his sex to that of a jack hammer lacking an operator. The alcohol began to affect me in the ways I was searching for and I switched to beer knowing that if I didn't I would be on the floor of my bathroom for the night. I was searching more for the overly horny and happy drunk not the sleeping on the floor and possibly pissing my pants drunk. Some very lucky gentleman was graced with Reagan's firm attention and grazes as she admired his tattoos.

"Ana, let's go." Christian demanded as he finished his whiskey. I truly wasn't ready yet even though I was clearly swaying and not to the music.

"No." I replied but the dark and intense look he gave me informed me that I had little to no choice. He was the sober one between us three and truly the only person to make any sound decisions tonight especially after the fact that I had already pissed him off by dancing on the bar with Reagan. He stormed over and before I knew it had me hoisted over his shoulders with his arm holding me at my knees. "Oh my God Christian! Put me down!" I screamed and I couldn't tell the difference between a frown or amusement from the other people in the bar considering I was upside down and drunk.

"Reagan, I'm taking her home. Can I give you a ride?" His voice had relaxed for her and I wished I could see her facial expression.

"Um. No. That's fine. I'll hail a cab when I'm ready." Mortified. I was mortified but then he started to walk and I couldn't help but watch the way his jeans moved; specifically his ass. I almost wanted to poke it, feel the muscle as he walked. _Yep, I'm drunk. _

"You have a really nice ass." My voice bounced as my body did on our way to the car. I imagined him shaking his head at the comment.

The ride home was a blur but I felt safe with my head on Christian's lap as he grazed my temples with his fingers. It was within that ride home that the weight of everything: the past two years, the loss of my best friends, and what Jose did, all hit me like three busses that kept circling the block.

"Ana." His voice had changed to gentle and endearing as I felt the tears fall from my face into his lap.

"I'm sorry." I wiped my face ungracefully.

"No, it's okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Shit, now I felt bad for being pissed at him. Somehow, I kept making mistakes and I relied on the fact that twenties was the time to make them but now I severely relied on the mantra becoming dependent on it.

"I'm sorry for getting drunk." I spoke back, closing my eyes when his finger ran from my temple and lined my jaw.

"I've been there." I shifted a little as I lay getting more comfortable.

"What happened if you don't mind me asking?" I realized that we had only touched on his issues and of all nights for him to potentially open up it happens when I might not be able to recollect it in the morning. Maybe that would encourage him and it obviously did when I heard him clear his throat.

"One of my subs thought she might be pregnant. I reacted the same way you did. I went to the nearest bar and I drank myself into oblivion. It just made sense at the time." I nodded in his lap to agree with his statement but then I wondered if he ever wanted children.

"You don't want kids?" I hated the idea but it did distract me from my pain if only for a new kind of painful realization.

"No." It was a short and cold reply; one that suggested his certainty. _We have time._ I reassured myself because living in denial worked much easier for me right now.

He helped me rid my clothes and it wasn't in a sexual manner nor did he exude any air to hint such. His hands were gentle and I stared at myself in the mirror feeling ashamed. I had set out for retribution but my life up until this point kept giving it to me. Retribution found me.

I climbed into bed and Christian stripped to his boxers climbing in behind me. His arms came around me in an embrace and I melted into him and my bed. The last thing I remember was the warm breath of Christian on my neck and the cold numb feeling that his body and my blankets couldn't cure tonight.

I sat up slowly in bed feeling the effects of my decision to drink last night and I realized I was alone.

"Here." I heard Christian's voice and he handed me a glass of water and aspirin. He was in jeans and white v-neck t-shirt and despite my horrible hangover, I would take a pounding head ache to bang him right where he stood. "Ana, no." He ordered back with a smirk obviously amused by my look of desired intent.

"Jose has been calling you all morning." Gently sitting on the bed, he handed me my phone and I looked to see the multiple missed calls. Really? It couldn't have just been a dream, a horrible yet imagined situation. I knew I needed to talk to him and get answers. The phone was the only way I could deal with him right now anyway.

"You talked to him about it didn't you? At the hospital?" He nodded and I sat up more in bed letting my head fall back against my headboard.

"He begged me not to tell you and I assumed he would tell you eventually especially since he was moving to Seattle." I had truly run out of tears for the entire situation. Physically and emotionally exhausted from the past year left me truly unknowing as to how I felt about it. I needed answers. That I knew with certainty. I picked up my phone and dialed his number closing my eyes as I brought it to my ear. Christian slid in next to me and bided his time with his phone.

"Ana, Thank God." Jose responded after only two rings. He began to talk again when I cut him off.

"Start from the beginning. I want to know it all and I will ask questions when you're done." Keeping my voice irritated yet stern wasn't hard considering how I felt.

"Kate came to me after she visited Christian because you were visiting your grandmother that weekend. We drank and laughed about the contract but we started talking about it and how she would only do it with someone she trusted. It wasn't anything we had planned on it just came about. She knew I was in love with you which is also why she did it. In the beginning she didn't want attachment with it just someone she trusted." He took another deep breath before continuing.

"Look, everything we did was consensual and I never performed anything that she didn't ask for. It was just the visits became more intense and she was different. It wasn't until she told me she loved me that I realized how far we had delved into it. Those pictures weren't of Kate. I would never do that."

"But you told her you loved her back."

"No! No, I didn't. I ended it that night with her." Another lie from Kate and I wasn't quite sure who to be more upset with between the two of them. It all made sense. The suicide note, the weekends since he was in Portland, and that she told Christian she couldn't with him because she didn't trust him. How did I not see this before? Jose was the only other man she trusted besides her father and brother.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christian's hand grabbed mine as my voice had changed from hard to a pleading tone.

"Ana. I spent the week with you after you found her. I have never seen you so broken and I knew you would hate me if I told you. I was scared to lose you." His voice had grown frantic and my heart raced as I struggled to determine where our relationship was now. "Can you forgive me? I need you Ana."

"I don't know Jose. Right now, I just don't know." Silence filled the phone between us and I closed my eyes again trying to calm the headache that started to ache at my temples. "I have to go." I quickly spat out as I hung up. God, I felt like shit but one never thinks about the morning after the night before. Sinking down into the bed, I lay my head back on the pillow.

"Are you okay?" I looked up to see him staring at me with concern. His gray eyes had softened each day a little more from the hard hint they hid. It was the emotion that always lingered behind them that I wanted to know. I needed to know but I knew what pushing people did to relationships and I also knew his secrets were much more traumatic than mine.

"No but at least I have all the knowledge to move on." I grumbled with my eyes closed. This would be an all-day hangover that Sundays were specifically made for.

* * *

**Snippet for Chapter 11 of Retribution: **

"If you do that one more time, I'm going to disown you as a friend." I looked up at Reagan sipping her coffee obviously entertained with my show. My boobs were so damn sensitive that even moving my arms sometimes made them hurt. Squeezing them again, I winced at the pain. "Ana, I'm serious."

"Fine." I rolled my eyes smirking at her. I felt bad considering I had been MIA with Christian for the past month and work had been beyond damn stressful. She had finally had enough of my absence and demanded a weekend with me away from Christian. "What's on the agenda?"

"Well, I figured we could do a little shopping, lunch, and then head out to the clubs tonight." Her voice excited and high pitched.

"Great!" I responded with false excitement. The nausea I was feeling was debilitating and I swallowed a couple more times hoping it would subside. We grabbed our purses and headed down to the lobby where we decided to hit up Pike and where I contemplated throwing up at.


End file.
