Naruto 1. Prelude: Red

This prelude may appear a little dark but I promise it wont be that way forever. please review I like criticism but no hate. If you absolutely don't like my style of writing cuz I know it's different just don't read. I talk to you, yes you! in my stories. this is my first fanfic and probably my only one depending on whether or not you like it. If you do like it lemme know! I'm a busy college student, I would rather not waste my time on something that is going nowhere.

Disclaimers: I do not own Naruto or any part of it.

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><p>She wasted away in self pity. Unable to understand how it was she ended up in the situation she was now in. she layed on her bed almost unable to move. The pain in her chest and in her stomach was too much to take. She had never in her life felt such pain. She would rather be physically wounded than feel what she felt. Allow me to explain the feeling a little bit. For those of you young-lings that have never experienced a broken heart let me break it down for you. She held the picture of them together in her hand now wrinkled as evidence of the pain she could not bare as she clutched the picture a little tighter each time she glanced at it. To her, seeing that picture was like replaying a video of yourself breaking your back. Each time you watch a video like that, you can hear the cracking of the spine which would immediately send shivers through your body as you remember the pain.<p>

What an incredible thing your brain is and its ability to retain memories. This is what scientists call declarative memory. Although the pain of breaking one's back is unthinkable, she believed she would rather take that pain an infinite amount of times over what she felt now.

She is poisoning her body. A poison used to numb feelings and forget about the hurt in her life. But the numbing was not strong enough. There were so many emotions in the atmosphere she created that you could probably smell it if you were there. The worst part of it all was that she saw it coming. She knew it this whole time but she did not care because the time she had with him was so precious she'd rather live with the consequences later. But she immediately regretted that now. She was at a loss. She was in a dark place and she didn't know how to get out of there. She sobbed out loud. This, my friends, is what is called a black hole.

**How long has it been since I ate? Does it even matter? Ill throw it up anyway. **

**I wonder where he is right now. **

**Why.**

**I wish I could sleep. My eyes hurt. I need to take the pain away… I need to… **

**Red. **

**Shit!**

**There is red on my sheets**

She was not suicidal, reader. She never was and never will be. But a little kunai went a long way in moving the emotional pain to a physical one which she preferred so much that her mouth would even curl into a smile sometimes. It felt better. And only this way could she fall into a deep sleep where her brain and more specifically, her hippocampus would retain precious memories and she could really feel better through those times. She would live in the past. Its almost like living in that same fantasy world some of you live in called Naruto. It's a little place that sometimes we wished we lived in. come on, why else would you be reading fan fiction? But this only lasted until the last memory of him would also make an appearance and she would wake up screaming.

This made Gaara and Kankurou very nervous for several reasons. First of all, they loved their sister very much, but they didn't know how to deal with this kind of thing seeing as they had never had to deal with it in the past. Second of all, there was nothing they could do for her. Them coming in her room would only make her uncomfortable too. Third of all, the entire time, they had warned her about this guy and they did not want her to feel like they were in a way making her feel like "they told her so". Nonetheless, they stood outside her door listening until she would calm down and go back to sleep. They were truly concerned for her but they knew absolutely not what to do but to let time work it's healing magic.


	2. First Memory: The tournament

First Memory: The tournament

Background: The story line is practically the same. I'm not specifying on whether or not they are regular naruto shinobi or if they are normal people like you and me, that's for you to decide in your mind sorry if that bothers you. I will add a couple of things later on that didn't happen in the story. first memory. pretty much an intro nothing too juicy... yet. this is called first memory because it's a flashback.

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><p>It was a typical mundane day for her. Except for one small detail. It was the day of the tournament. She had been looking forward to this day for quite a while along with many others. The difference between her and the contestants was one thing: she knew what she was capable of doing. She wanted to show off. It was such a natural feeling, nothing to be ashamed of. The other kids were trying to move up in class and trying to prove to themselves and others that they were strong.<p>

**"How Juvenile"**

She thought out loud.

**"what was that?"** her younger brother, kankurou asked as they were making their way to a village that was three days away.

**"nothing"**

This was a time where her and her brother's relationship was at it's most interesting point. She feared her youngest but thought nothing of Kankurou. It was like he was just there to fill up the silence between her and Gaara which she did not mind at all.

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><p>There were many battles that went on. As she had guessed, she was stronger than all the unfortunate contestants that were unlucky enough to have to go up against her. It was almost insulting that they were not giving her stronger opponents.<p>

She watched many battles and was impressed by a couple of them. She was appalled by the fact that this one kid won by farting in another kid's face which resulted in throwing him off and landing a blow and winning.

The second part of the tournament was the following day. Have you ever been to Disneyland, reader? This was kind of like that for her. It was an amusement park but without the park part. She was excited for round two. She was so confident, she knew she would win.

We all know the story right? But there was something more than just her losing in a fight against a one lazy dude. She saw him merely as her next victim. Planning three steps ahead of each move. When the moment came, and she realized that she lost against such a kid, she was not angry. She wasn't particularly upset. She didn't understand why either. She should have been livid. But she wasn't. But there was something about this kid and she just didn't know what it was. It was a very peculiar thing. When he clearly won but decided to forfeit the match, the fact that he was able to beat her at something she was just so good at; It made her immediately interested in him. Not in a romantic way, please! just in the way you look at the frog sitting in front of you in science class. She wanted to dissect his mind.

That night when she went to bed, she lay there thinking about it. The whole scenario. She couldn't think what was going through his mind. And although fascinating to her, it was also very frustrating. She brushed it off and was able to sleep.

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><p>We are now at the tayuya battle<p>

She knew it was time to redeem herself. She didn't know what she did to get such a rare opportunity to be able to show this clown that if he ever defeated her during the tournament it was sheer luck. Thinking about this made her heart race. It felt like adrenaline and she was so ready to show him up.

When she arrived at the scene, more than ready, she looked at him. Her heart raced incredibly fast she thought it would come up her throat but it was simply because of her excitement for showing off of course.

And that was that. She did exactly what she came to do. But to be honest, it wasn't as satisfying as she thought it would be. She was now sitting on a hospital bench. She didn't know what she was doing there. She did what she had to do. She could leave now. Or could she? Because it appeared that this kid had some sort of magnet because she wanted to stay there and wait with him.

She hadn't noticed his physical features before. He wasn't bad looking. He wasn't super-model beautiful either. He had a strong jaw line, he was too-skinny, and probably her height. He was also three years younger than her which made her all the more curious about this… interesting fella. She was the young age of fifteen but she was very mature for her age. She had no choice seeing as she had been through so much. She made small talk with him and witnessed her father scold him and that was all.

She went home to once again think about this kid.


	3. The Apple

She woke up from the dream of the first memory she had of him. It was almost like she was being purposely tortured by some being that controlled destiny and karma and all that stuff. She looked down to her thighs, once smooth and perfect, now scabbed and scarred. She chuckled at the obvious parallel between her emotions and her body. Need I explain guys? She was torn inside and out.

She got up from her bed with great difficulty. Her muscles felt weak (something she was not used to). She brushed her teeth and took a shower.

She looked at herself in the mirror and could almost fake a smile. Her eyes were puffy but one could easily think that it was the morning puffiness you get in your eyes sometimes. She walked downstairs to the kitchen to see if she could grab something to eat. It had probably been at least three days since she last ate but it was hard to tell the difference between hunger and the pain all over her body.

As she walked past Gaara and Kankurou, they both stared at her as though they were seeing a ghost. Kankurou didn't know what to say, in fact, he was so dumbfounded his mouth slightly swung open. Gaara on the other hand, a little more collected, said in a firm voice

**"Good morning"**

He was smart enough to know not to talk too much because he knew she probably didn't want to talk but at the same time, he didn't want to be rude so he kept it short with a simple yet sincere greeting.

**"morning"** she replied in a monotone voice as she opened the fridge

Everything inside the fridge smelled so bad to her. It all made her want to throw up. She closed the fridge and moved to the cupboards but yet again, nothing seemed appetizing. She glanced at the fruit bowl and accepted defeat. She would settle for an apple. She turned around and headed back up the stairs.

**"It's not healthy for you to be in there all the time!"**

Kankurou blurted out without thinking immediately regretting his existence. Gaara stomped on his foot under the table and gave him a death glare. What was said was said. There was no taking back or back peddling. Temari simply stopped at the first step (still visible to her brothers). She bowed her head and looked at the apple in her hand. There was so much she wanted to say. They didn't understand. SHE didn't even understand. But these emotions were too much for her. She didn't know how to make herself not sound like a teenager with daddy issues yelling at her mom "you weren't there! You were never there! You don't understand you're ruining my life" type of thing. And that is what made her angry. Not the fact that her brother was concerned for her. She just didn't know how to take it; it was too much to bare. She felt the warm stream of a new tear in her face fall onto the apple (which had just one pathetic bite).

There was so much tension in the room. What seemed like an eternity had passed before Kankurou spoke again foot in mouth and all.

**"you need to go out. Wer'e all worried about you. I know it's hard and I know that you proba…"**

**"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ME?!"**

She threw the apple at Kankurou but he just barely ducked on time. The apple hit the wall and let's just say you could now technically call it apple sauce. She ran upstairs into her room and slammed the door.

**"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit! I'm sorry Kankurou… what's wrong with me?"**

She was on the floor and now drifting into a sleep.


	4. Second Memory: The Greenhouse

Memory two: The Greenhouse.

Three years after the tournament: there had been several interactions between her and him. Nothing special just small talk and chit chat. By now they knew each other's names but that was about it. This particular memory is a very short one but it is an important one.

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><p>Temari was walking through her village. She heard that the leaf village had a new ambassador and she was to greet him. She wasn't very fond of village embassy work but she knew she had no choice. Her little brother was now kazekage and seeing as he had bigger responsibilities now, she too had greater responsibilities. In any case, she had a couple of hours to kill so she was walking around the market but nothing seemed appetizing. She decided that she would keep walking just for the sake of killing time. She kept walking until she came across the village greenhouse. She was about to start heading the other way when she noticed something. Through the glass walls of the greenhouse, there was a figure under a tree. This figure seemed very familiar and the closer she came to the window, the more she recognized this figure. It was the lazy ninja of konoha. She walked inside the greenhouse because curiosity took its toll on her.<p>

**"well well well… who do we have here? A little homesick lazy ass?"**

Shikamaru barely looked at her without moving his head before putting his gaze back to the sky.

**"how do you people live here? I can't even look at the clouds peacefully without getting a kilo of sand in my eyes"** he said.

**"only people that have nothing to do with their time waste it cloud gazing like a lazy ass"** she replied

She didn't even phase him. Not a little. This frustrated her. She couldn't get a reaction out of him.

**"so what? Youre just going to lay there? You ARE the new ambassador am I right? We have to be in a meeting in twenty minutes, you're seriously just going to…"**

**"you talk to much woman! Here!" **he threw an apple at her to catch.** "relax a little. Eat this apple it's delicious. Who knew that you could grow an apple tree in the middle of the dessert and have its produce taste so good?"**

She blinked twice not knowing if this kid was for real. She looked up and realized he was under an apple tree. She didn't know the greenhouse had an apple tree.

**"so what? You're just going to stand there and stare at the tree? If you're not going to relax, then go away. Your stress is stressing ME out."**

She took a bite of the apple and stared at it in her hand. He was right. It was absolutely delicious. She gave in and sat next to but not too close to where he laid.

**"so what is it you stare at anyway?"** she asked

**"the clouds. They're so free and not caring. They just keep floating. Sometimes I wish I was a cloud. No cares in the world. Just go wherever the wind took me."**

The more he talked, the more intriguing he was to her. What a strange boy.

**"well, clouds eventually evaporate and they are the cause of rain, which I hate. Clouds are just unreliable and a waste of your time..."**

**"you're just saying that because you have no time to look at them and enjoy them. you never relax and just take some time for yourself."** He interrupted.

**"what the hell do YOU know about me?"** she exclaimed rather annoyed.** "clouds are a waste of time because they are not fulfilling... unlike stars."**

**"stars?... you think STARS are fulfilling?"**

**"yes I do"** she stood her ground

**"stars are lame.**" He closed his eyes.

**"you've never experienced stars in the desert!"**

She waited for a response but nothing.

**"I said! You've never experienced stars in the desert!"**

Nothing

**"don't pretend like you're asleep I know you're not!."**

Nothing

**"ugh! YOU'RE a waste of my time!"**

She got up and was ready to leave but turned around one last time

**"if you want to be proven wrong, meet me at my house tonight at midnight and I'll show you what a joke clouds are. Then again, if you're too scared that I'm going to prove you wrong then don't show up."**

With that, she turned to walk away with her pride. Shika simply opened one eye to watch her strut away. He smirked and closed his eyes again.


	5. Southern Constellations

Temari couldn't concentrate on anything that was being discussed in the meeting. She was just not that interested in anything that anyone had to say. It wasn't like her to not care though. she was usually very engaged in the meetings that went on because it was her job and if Temari ever had a task, she would do it right. I guess one could say she was an over-achiever. but today... man today she was just not feeling it. Maybe shikamaru had a laziness syndrome that was contagious. who knew. She couldn't resist the urge to glance over to the lazy dude every once in a while. See, she was checking to see if he still had a pulse seeing as his eyes remained closed during the entire meeting. Every time she saw his chest rise to breathe she would turn away. readers, it was NOT for concern for the guy it was just simply scary. She thought that any second he would topple over and that was that. R.I.P Shikamaru Nara.

**"and this concludes our meeting for today. We will be meeting twice a month beginning the Thursday of the following month to follow up on research and the individual assignments. You are dismissed." **

To Temari's surprise, Shikamaru got up out of his chair and went on his way. This whole time she though he was sleeping but he just maybe listened and payed better attention with his eyes closed. This kid was truly amazing.

what Temari didn't know was that Shikamaru really was sleeping. He just happened to daze in and out and lucky for him, he dazed in just at the right time when Gaara dismissed everyone. "Damn that was lucky." he thought. as he got out of his chair pretending like he had been listening the whole time.

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><p>It was night time now. Temari had just finished doing all of her duties and she was getting ready for bed when she peeked out the window to look at the stars.<p>

**"wow they sure are bright tonight"**

she looked at the city because they illuminated it so beautiful. as she was looking down to the street, she saw a boy leaning on the gate of her house. she squinted her eyes in an effort to see who it was. all she could see was a head the shape of a pineapple. Her heart skipped a beat and her stomach felt like she was on a roller coaster with the biggest drop every. you know, the feeling you get when you go down one of those things and you feel like your stomach is in your throat? that's what she felt.

**"HOLY SHI-!"**

She forgot the threat she made to the boy. she looked at the clock 12:23 it read. she ran outside to the gate toward him.

**"hey! I got caught up in things I just barely finished. How long have you been waiting out he..."**

**"you talk too much. proove me wrong and show me these stars you're so passionate about."**

Temari smirked and answered with a smile on her mouth. **"gladly"**

they went outside the gates onto an area that had hills around. it was like a valley. The valley made it so that it blocked all of the lights from the city in order to see the stars better. She had brought a medium sized blanket to lay on. she sat and he followed shortly behind her. He didn't lay directly next to her. She laid one way and he laid on the opposite side so their heads were on the same level but their bodies were on the opposite side. He could NOT believe his eyes.

**"wow..." **he said, almost speechless

**"I know!"**

**"I honestly thought that stars would be so boring because they don't move and they just sit there but this! there's just so much to look at"**

**"I like to look at the constellations. It gets kind of hard cuz there's so many but it's fun to try. aside from that, my favorite thing to do is waiting for a shooting star. THERE! did you see that one?"**

**"wow that was amazing!"**

"I like stars because they are so reliable. they are ALWAYS here in the desert. They never leave. well... technically they are already gone." She turned her head to look at him while she spoke and continued "they're already gone but what we see there is their ghost. It's an image of something so far away, it takes many many years for that light to come to earth in order for us to see that the star is actually no longer there. We like to look at beautiful, bright, mesmerizing things even if we know it is just a temporary thing. looking at it and being able to enjoy the joy they brings to us is good enough for us and we are willing to conform to that."

he turned his face to look at her. He felt it was the right thing to do since she was now looking at him when she spoke. He felt it would be weird if he just replied without looking at her. just common courtesy.

**"that was kind of deep, Aristotle"**

**"oh shut up!"**

they both turned back to the stars and laughed. for some reason though, she felt something sour at the pit of her stomach. It was a bad feeling but in a twisted way, it was kind of a good one too. But she didn't know what it meant. It was an omen. She looked over at shikamaru again who now had his eyes closed with a bit of a hint of a smile on his face. she was studying his face with the light of the stars. She hadn't noticed what a firm jaw he had. He was only 15 years old but he was already looking more and more like a man. She turned back to gaze at the stars and sighed. "what are you trying to tell me?" she asked herself in her head. she couldn't decode that feeling she was getting. But she just brushed it off and decided she would cross that bridge when she got there.

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><p>okay guys. Thanks for reading this far. Please, I need more reviews. I need to know if people are actually enjoying this because if not, I really would rather waste my time doing something else... something important like... homework or something. Much Love. Shika Tema rules.<p> 


	6. Hold On to the Dreams of Reality

Short chapter alert!

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><p>Temari woke up from her dream. For a second she thought that maybe, just maybe she had been stuck in a nightmare but was now waking up from it, but it was quite the opposite. She woke up from her dream back to the nightmare of reality. She had a headache. She deserved it. She shouldn't have reacted toward Kankurou the way that she did. He was right though. She couldn't keep living in the past, it wasn't good for her. but then again, she didn't really care. Having him at least in her memory was always so painful, but sometimes good enough. And sometimes good enough was indeed good enough.<p>

Those memories she retained of him were addicting. like a drug. She couldn't stop herself from wanting more. She wondered if she fell into a permanent sleep if her dreams would also be eternal. The thought tickled in the back of her mind but she would never do something so rash. Even if it would end her hell. she wasn't an idiot. she knew time would be a remedy for her because she heard it everywhere and she knew it had to be true. she was NOT an idiot. She put her head back on the pillow for another shot of memory. This one was going to be a good one. she could feel it


	7. Hold on Till May

One year Later

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><p>It was the fifth month of the year. not a bad month to watch those beautiful southern constellations.<p>

**"aren't you going to miss this?"**

**"hmm? miss what?"** she replied.

**"miss coming out here in the middle of the night and watch your precious stars"**

**"I... I hadn't thought about it."**

coming out in the middle of the night to go stargazing was almost like a biweekly routine for them. Whenever shikamaru went to the Land Hidden in the Sand, they would meet at their usual spot and watch the stars for an hour or two with hardly any talk. Sometimes they would do the same when she would go over to the Land Hidden in the Leaves but it was just not the same. Too many city lights or too many trees covering the stars.

**" tch. the world is changing right before our eyes because of this war. who knows if both of us will even make it out okay"** Shikamaru said.

**"of course we will! you know we will!"** she said but was surprisingly unsure of herself. Her confidence was stripped from her because she really didn't know for sure if they would both make it out alive. Sure they were both smart and strong but this war was something out of their leagues.

She thought about him dying. She thought about it for a second but quickly brushed it off. she would be upset because she wouldn't have someone to stargaze of course. but just because of that nothing else. and I guess they were technically now considered friends. She never had a friend before. She admitted it. She would be sad if he died. but JUST because she wouldn't have anyone to stargaze with and because he was her first friend. NOTHING else. Out of all the people she had met, she actually enjoyed being around him. He made her laugh, and their relationship was a strange one. They would always pick on each other and name-call each other but it was fun. It's what kept their friendship so interesting.

She looked over at him with the light of the stars shining on his face which would illuminate it just enough for her to examine his features. this was something she would do when he closed his eyes. The boy was now sixteen. He was a bit taller than her. His jawline more masculine than ever, and he was definitely growing into his body. He opened his eyes and turned his face towards hers. Their faces were close enough to make her blush just a little bit (something she was most definitely not used to) she turned her face towards the stars so that he wouldn't notice the slight blood rushing to her face. He kept his stare on her. She didn't know why he hadn't looked away. she didn't know what to do. she was feeling uncomfortable. She turned back to his face and

**"WHAT?!"** she asked sort of frustrated

**"promise me that after the war is over we'll meet here just one more time"**

she blinked twice in confusion. **"O... Okay."**

she liked that idea.


	8. Stained Glass Eyes and Colorful Tears

cries and wails in a mixture of both happiness and sorrow. a bittersweet sound. so bittersweet, it was possible to taste it. Leaving a lingering aftertaste all over the tongue. So many deaths. yet today they could scream victoriously and mourn with pride.

the war was finally over.

Temari smiled as she stood in the midst of a celebratory moment. She looked around as a child curiously looking for their lost parent.

Gaara. She saw her youngest brother being hugged in a cheerful manner by a young girl she was well acquainted with. Matsuri. She let go a sigh of relief and continued her search through the crowd.

after an eternity, she could see kankurou about twelve meters away from where she stood. There was just too many damn people. She let go a second sigh of relief.

She though finding her two brothers would end that itching feeling in the pit of her stomach. A worrisome one. She tried brushing it off. She honestly didn't want to stick around to find out that maybe holding on till may was too much to ask for. She looked down as she walked through the waves of people. Looking at faces was a bit overwhelming for her right now. She wasn't paying attention to where she was going until she ran into someone.

**"pardon me" **she calmly whispered.

**"temari..."** replied a toneless voice.

she looked up to see a man standing in front of her. The man had no face. figuratively of course, reader. He had no emotion. He was practically dead.

two and a half years can go a long way for some people for the good and the bad. This man in front of her was eighteen years old. He had bags under his eyes, but were a small price to pay as a side effect of two years of non-stop war against Madara Uchiha. He, like many others surrounding them, had a hint of sadness in the mixture of his eyes. She was informed that this young man's father was one of the thousands of casualties of the war and presumed that maybe this was the reason for the sadness.

**"shika...maru"**

The man in front of her towered over her. He was a good foot taller than her. She silently sighed a third sigh of relief without breaking eye contact.

what happened next was very unexpected for her. He hugged her. A simple gesture of compassion and need. She did not hug him back. not at first. She was in awe at the strange young man before her.

She saw him cry for the second time ever. But this time it was different. She could feel pain pouring though every cell of his body, through his muscle tissue, though the pores oh his epidermal layer, and onto her. staining her. It was a silent cry, but a most painful one.

She hugged him back.


	9. One Hundred Sleepless Nights

Quick Disclaimer... I've been naming some of the chapters after song titles from my favorite band, Pierce the Veil. just FYI.

Also, I'd like to thank aeladriel for the new review. as a token of my gratitude, here's a new chapter :)

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><p>she was back in her village. Everything was normal. well... except for the fact that mostly everything was rubble. Construction had started and everyone was more than excited for a fresh start at life. Other than that, mostly everything was back to normal.<p>

She had a Kage meeting that she had to attend to pretty soon. She was Gaara's adviser which meant she was his right hand and personal assistant, so she was required to attend all of the meetings that he had to attend.

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><p>The meeting was being held at the village hidden in the sand. They started to alternate where meetings would be held, and this time it would be in Sunagakure. Kage meetings weren't very common but since the place where they used to gather was absolutely destroyed, they had no choice but to hold meetings in their villages. They mainly discussed treaties and talked about the construction progress because since all villages were now allies, it was courteous to help one another, nonetheless, the meetings were quite boring.<p>

Temari glanced over all of the kages and their right hand men standing next to where they sat. She looked over at Naruto who was now the Hokage of Konohagakure. She smiled because he was definitely something to admire. Her gaze moved over to the man standing on the right side to where Naruto was sitting.

and she felt a racing emotion in her stomach. That Shikamaru. He looked as bored as ever. Some things never change and she could surely testify of that. He made eye contact with her and flashed her a crooked smile as if to say "hello".

She smiled back quickly and then turned away.

Both of them were still liaisons of their villages and had to meet up later.

She looked forward to that.

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><p>The meeting had finally ended and they were all dismissed. Shikamaru approached Temari through the crowd of people chatting with each other.<p>

**"Good afternoon"** he politely said

**"pft since when are you so proper, lazy ass?"** she replied half jokingly but with a smile in her face so as to not come off as rude.

**"tch. Whatever. Listen, do you want to meet up at the cafe for our meeting today? I figured, I'm hungry so might as well kill two birds with one stone. My treat."**

**"always trying to find shortcuts to everything. Okay, then I don't see why not. I can't say no to free food"**

She gladly accepted seeing as she too was feeling pretty hungry.

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><p>They sat on a table of a Cafe that was still under construction. The place was very busy but it was probably because it was one of the only restaurants open in the Village. They sat on a table that was a little too small for comfort. As they discussed and talked about business between the two villages, she could feel her knee graze his. At first she was too conscious about it and felt her hands tingle at the feeling of his knee against hers, but eventually became comfortable with it.<p>

She intently and unconsciously looked at him right in the eyes when he talked to her. There was a crease that formed in his glabella, which indicated a state of seriousness. His eyes were a very intense brown color, she felt she could drown in them. They still held a penetrative hint of sadness and guilt. It was so hard to listen to what he was saying as he was something mesmerizing to look at. like a pendulum that you are being hypnotized by. The bags under his eyes were not completely gone, but they were not as evident as before. What was it that made this guy so intriguing to her? not even she could answer that... ESPECIALLY not her what was the cause of those troubles for him? why the concern or the sleepless nights? (she came up with that conclusion on her own). There was something he was hiding, and she wanted to know like a dog digging through dirt for his bone. she wanted to dig into him. She would never tell him, of course. how would she ever bring it up? "hey so, I haven't been paying attention to what you've been talking about for the past twenty minutes, but I was just curious... what's eating you, kid? why do I want to know? I'm just being nosy, is all."

that would sound absolutely ridiculous. Plus, she was just being nosy so why is this such a big deal? or maybe she felt like she really wanted to help him. all of this service with helping rebuild Suna was making her feel so charitable and helpful. Maybe that was it. She wanted to help him like a fricking Dr. Phil. But even if she ever built up the nerve to ask him, it's not like he would ever even tell her anything. Shikamaru had always been so reserved with his feelings. The whole situation was getting out of hand inside her head. She needed to mind her own damn business and get her shit together.

her mind stopped wandering and promptly returned to shikamaru's conversation.


	10. A Million Twinkling Lights in Neon Blue

I changed the rating to M just to be safe. The story IS pretty depressing so far so... just playing it safe.

Just in case the writing is a bit confusing; This chapter is back to the present. The previous chapters were a memory. It jumps from past to present, you just have to make sure to pay attention to the tense.

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><p>Temari awoke from the memory. She didn't know how long she was sleeping for. The dream of her memory felt so real, she had a sensation on her knee as though the memory had just happened. It made her uncomfortable.<p>

She peered out the window and looked up to the sky.

Stars.

She hated the fact that everything around her reminded her of him.

Her mind began racing and formed all sorts of questions.

"I wonder if he's h..."

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. She cleared her throat and tried to make her voice sound as smooth as possible, or at least tried to make it sound like her voice used to before all the crying and sleeping and drowning.

**"come in..."**

The door slowly opened. Whoever it was that was opening it was definitely unsure of themselves.

Kankurou. "**Hey sis, I'm sorry about what happened yesterday, I just..."**

**"yesterday?"**

**"yesterday."** he replied **"I just wanted to..."**

"has it really been an entire day and a half?" she began thinking, absolutely but unintentionally blocking her brother's apologies.

**"... but I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, you can count on Gaara and I."**

He smiled probably the most awkward smile she had ever seen.

**"thank you Kankurou. I'm sorry I've been this way. I'll be better from now on I promise."** she smiled a most insincere smile.** "is there anything else you need?"**

**"n...no"** he accepted defeat.

**"well, if that is all, I'd like to be alone for a bit longer."**

**"O... Okay sis. Goodnight"**

**"Goodnight."** and with that, he retreated.

She was at it again. Why had she become such a bitch? when did she become a slave and Why was she letting herself be controlled by her emotions?

**"kamui help me"**

She got up from her bed. Her knees felt weak from the lack of use in the past... however long she had been in her room for. Time was nothing to her now. Just a way for people to find a way to justify their reasons for intrusion and to criticize how long a person should sleep for.

All she wanted right now was some fresh air. She got dressed and left her house.

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><p>She didn't really know where her legs would take her. It didn't matter where the destination would be, she just wanted to use them. She mostly looked at the ground in contemplation, but would occasionally look up at the stars.<p>

Even being in such an ugly state, the stars shined the same as always.

"you're not real. I used to think that I could count on these stupid stars, because they would always be there for me. bullshit. nothing but bullshit. You're an image of what you used to be. you've already ceased to exist. You have since before I was born, and you will be after I die. nothing but damn lies."

her mind was racing again and she could feel herself getting flustered.

she dropped to the ground.

she spread her limbs and felt the cold sand under her.

she ran her fingers through it. Holding it but watching it slowly slip through the crevices between her fingers. she wanted to make sure she was still conscious.

She realized she was at her old spot.

"how long has it been since I've been here?"

the darkness of the dessert and it's vastness was playing tricks on her weakened and vulnerable eyes. She though she could see a figure walking towards her, but never quite reach her. The shadow looked an awful lot like him.

"stop it."

she grit her teeth and clenched her fists.

"go away"

she often imagined she would see the ghosts of two people laying on the dessert floor. A boy and a girl. Stargazing. careless. The girl would be happy. as happy as she had ever been, and you could see it in her face; While the boy is preoccupied with other things in his mind and everyone could tell. except for the poor girl who is too happy to care about the future. The ghost of herself.

**"dammit all"**

she turned her face to the stars.

"even so. you ARE still something to look at."

and fell asleep.


	11. A Dizzy Dreamer

It's been a while since I posted my last chapter. I can't really tell you guys why because I don't wanna jynx it but maybe after I finish this story I'll share why I've been struggling with this story and in particular this pretty little chapter titled "A Dizzy Dreamer and her Pretty Little Blue Boy"

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><p>A Dizzy Dreamer and her Pretty Little Blue Boy:<p>

It had been quiet for longer than what seemed like forever. Two people staring at the stars almost careless. A natural drug. pleasure in the simplest form.

this night **marked** history.

Temari felt a burning in her chest. She didn't know why. And she was still in denial. She started feeling uneasy and began shifting her arms around indecisive of where they would be most comfortable resting. Finally, she shot up. She sat up in defeat and glanced over to the body laying next to hers. How could it be that while she's so restless, he could be so calm? maybe that was her favorite thing about him. A bittersweet feeling.

She swung her arms back to rest on them and continued to look at the stars. (she decided this was probably the best position for her) laying next to him was almost a task because his aroma would distract her from the beauty of the twinkly lights. She could tell he didn't wear cologne, rather, it was a natural smell. He smelled fresh all the time. it was rather intriguing. Like someone that just came out of the shower. Like a field of grass on a spring afternoon. like the smell of the mist that rises from the waterfall.

in the midst of her mind wandering around deciding how to perfectly describe Shikamaru's scent, she was quickly interrupted by the body next to her's which began moving. His head raised and without making eye contact, it went back down, but this time, it came to a rest on her lap.

She felt shivers go up her spine, a feeling she did not like. She wanted to say so many things. What did she look like? a bed? in fact she did say something in a pissed off manner

**"YO! WHAT AM I A FUCKING PILLOW OR SOMETHING?!" **

**"well you sure are soft like one"**

He replied in the most nonchalant way.

She blushed like no other, sighed, and simply left it at that.

Shikamaru smirked. He won this one. But it may be the last one ever.

"Well great! Just peachy now I can't concentrate at all. Not with him sleeping on me like this!" she thought.

she gave it her best effort but she could feel every molecule of carbon dioxide exit his lungs. She could feel the warm breath from his mouth onto the bare skin of her lap which again would give her the goosebumps. She blames the weather. It was slightly chilly outside, and feeling warmth on her skin would OF COURSE make her feel goosebumps. It was a natural thing.

again her thoughts were interrupted by the boy who began shifting his body once again. It was then when she realized that her fingers were tangled in his hair.

"When did I start touching his hair?!" she pulled her hand away from his hair. she couldn't believe she had been playing with his hair! and for who knows how long?!

**"No don't stop! it felt so good!" **he almost moaned pleading not to stop.

she wanted to smack him on the head. she wasn't a pillow anymore, now she was a massage sofa. She shrugged it off and began playing with his hair again. she untied the tie in his hair and continued twirling locks of hair between her fingers. It was also pretty soothing to her. She wondered why his hair was so soft. it was like feeling the soft suna sand between her fingers. Reader, I don't know if you've ever felt sand before. If you've ever just went to the beach or sand dunes and just ran that sand in between your fingers at night. Then you would know the feeling of cold sand between your fingers, it actually feels pretty good. Well, this felt absolutely nothing like that. Suna sand is much smoother than your average California beach sand (which is where I'm from) and his hair, felt much like Suna sand. So just use your imagination.

And again her train of thoughts were interrupted by the boy which once again began shifting his body. Maybe he was too aware of the other person as well. who knew. by this time, it had been about seventy minutes since he first rested his pineapple (currently just apple) head on her lap.

He sat up this time. She sat perfectly still. they both did. for a while. He moved his head close to hers and rested his chin on her shoulder. She forgot that she needed to breathe. because she held her breath not remembering how to do this breathing business. He came close to her face, chin still on her shoulder. now their cheeks grazed. This was almost like the restaurant incident where their knees were touching... okay no it wasn't this was completely different and she still didn't know what to do. She felt the burning in her chest burn like never before and it wasn't until this very point where she understood why her chest burnt so much it almost hurt.

She wanted HIM.

She could feel his breaths now on her shoulder and made her wonder about his mouth, his lips. what do they taste like? what does HE taste like? their cheeks still touching, but their faces stopped getting closer she couldn't contain the fire that burned hotter than Amaterasu. She began nibbling his earlobe.

He let out a sigh. He liked it, she could tell. He began breathing heavier as she continued suckling his earlobe. He grabbed her by the shoulders, pulling away from her and gently placed his lips on hers. He began kissing her lips softly and then slowly a bit rougher but still gentle. He slowly pushed her on her back so that he was on top of her but not laying his body on her. He held his own weight with his arms. She placed her arms around his neck to pull him closer, if possible. And continued with little breaths in between.

This was a night to **mark** history.


End file.
