Bleach 1. Dios

_**Yes, I know I'm on crack, but I just had to give this a go, because its next on my list of crack Ichigo pairings.**_

_**Muerte**_

Upon the arid, barren sands of a land bathed in eternal night, screams filled the air. But there was no shout of alarm, no desperate call to arms, nothing in the way of a response. All that followed was a snarl, then silence. Another scream, another snarl, this time accompanied by the spatter of blood that flew into the air. Now did come the sounds of tearing, popping, ripping and grinding as the body was torn from its post and away.

A brief, terrified whimper snaked into the moonlight, followed by another scream from the first female voice.

"Grimmjow." One of the feasting hollow's paused suddenly, his sole visible eye swiveling from behind the mask toward a feline hollow as it pointed a clawed digit to the west. "It appears that we have...guests on the way."

"So what, Shawlong?" The panther snapped its jaws together, and continued to gorge itself. "Leave em be, I ain't in the mood for this shit." His blue eyes gleamed cruelly as he hefted his meal between his jaws. "We'll just have to make our lunch....takeout before our 'friends' get here."

The first of the two females, a slight, petite girl with long black hair and violet eyes, stiffened upon hearing the muffled conversation between the two adjuchas. With a cry, she threw her desperate, tear stained gaze in that direction. At once she froze, her slender frame inexplicably wracked with uncontrollable sobs as she curled into a ball and buried her head between her knees.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.....

In this eternal hell, two _men _now drifted towards their little entourage. The first took point, and walked with a proud swagger that clearly identified him as leader of the pair. His skin, a pale, chalk white, wiry, roped with muscle, bespoke of experience in battle, the black, vicious charred lines ofcaked blood that ran down his chest, arms, and even his legs gave rise to whispers of the scars he had earned in combat.

He advanced steadily, his intention, his bloodlust, were all too clear, when the first adjuchas toppled to the ground.

"OI!" One of the feasting adjuchas, a hollow in the form of a bull, snorted angrily. "Get the fuck outta here newbie! This is our prey!"

Whatever expression the first man might have made in response to the jest could not be seen. Covering the entirety of his face was a mask. Of course, that was to be expected. But the devil truly lay in the details for this man. four spike-shaped marks stretch, two of them stopping by the forehead, and the other two stretching past the eyes and teeth, going past his chin and joining with the marks on his chest. There were small marks resembling a heart, but with the top and bottom open, extending from the inner corners of his eyes. Lastly, the mask featured two long forward-pointing, vicious horns with black strips extending from their center towards the tips.

Long, strawberry blond, almost orange hair, spilled from the opening at the neck, down his back, stopping just above the tattered grey hakama pants he wore. Equally impressive, though it lacked in shape and form, was the massive blade dragging behind him. In all likelihood, it could not, would not even be considered a blade, so great was its scale. In form, it was little more than a massive cleaver knife, taller than even its wielder.

"The girls'." The man muttered solmenly, pointing a clawed digit to the white clad individual who currently cowered just outside the blood soaked circle, while her companion was ripped to shreds. "Give them to me."

"What?" A murmur of confusion ran through the group, instantly morphing into anger moments later. "Fuck no! They're ours-

"They are not." The man interrupted, his gaze falling upon the slim, pantherlike adjuchas who was clearly the leader of the group. "These two wenches serve myself and Ulquiorra. Return them to us at once or you and your companions will meet with the second death."

"Kurosaki,"His companion, a slim looking fellow wrapped in a cloak of juniper green, now threw back the cowl that hid his face. "They won't be listening to reason." Revealed now was a humanoid face that was entirely devoid of all life and emotion, wearing a helmet that framed his face, and parted to expose the monstrous black wings tucked tight to his lower back. His calculating gaze swept over the group without another word.

"Just kill them."

The panther adjuchas was the first to move, his lunge carrying him directly towards the claked individual.

"Fuck you!"

But the man was already backpedalling, his left hand a blur of motion as it deflected each wild swipe with almost contemptous ease. Suddenly, and without warning, his right hand snapped forward, revealing a pale, perfectly human hand and index finger.

Grimmjow balked as green light began to bulge and swell expansively.

"Shi-

When the light cleared, all but one adjuchas was down, each bleeding profusely from horrible burns. Still, Grimmjow stood on all fours, his frame visibly trembling with rage and idignation as he struggled to stay upright. The cloaked hollow known as Ulquiorra turned to the adjuchas.

"Still alive?"

The battered adjuchas uttered a low hiss as he inched forward.

"D-Damn you!"

Ulquiorra raised his hand once more, but Grimmjow was already gone, burrowing far below the sands to the menos forest. Moments later, his reaitsu vanished as did he from sight.

"They're all cowards, every one of them." The man shook his head as if to spit through his mask and onto the corpse."No matter. I'll just consume a part from each of them. As they become my flesh and blood, they will see beyond." Nodding to himself, the cloaked man bent to one knee and began examining the tattered flesh of his servant, whilst his companion strutted back towards the first.

"H-Hey!"

The look she received in turn brought back a snatch of memory:

_"And what," The pale white man had at some point risen, for he now turned his gaze back to the girl. "Does that have to do with me? If you're proposing an alliance, then I decline." He held up a hand for silence, sharply. "I have no need of allies like you, you'll only slow me down." His masked face emitted an amused chuckle. "Do you instead wish to serve me then?" A slow blink. "You do? I cannot guarantee your safety, then, girl."_

The girl flinched under the memory, under his baleful glare, once more proving the latter's assumption that she was indeed a mere numerous, and not an espada as they had first believed. Wincing from the pain that exploded in her stomach, she dared not avert her gaze now. She'd seen them rip apart that pack of adjuchas back there without a sweat. Now, that same bloodlust brought itself to bear upon _her_.

She really, _really _didn't want to be his next meal.

And then he laughed, a low, throaty chuckle that boomed from behind the horned helmet he so proudly wore. Startled, she blinked, and in an instant, her body crumpled over in relief. He was there before she could fall, grasping her shoulders firmly in hand. She trembled from exhaustion.

He chuckled, placing her at arms length after a moment.

"Such a frail thing you are." He muttered, his hands still holding the petite hollow by her shoulders. " kind...break so very easily, and yet I am so much more certain that I am superior to you." His voice held a wistful note to it. "I suppose you'll see when I remove my mask...

"Bite me." She _spit _back at him, and he did not so much as flinch when her acid saliva burned through his forearm, for the wound closed at once and immediately was little more than a scrape, before that too, dissapeared.

"Oho," The vasto lorde chortled mightily, the motion tossing his hair about feverishly. "You have no idea how much the thought of devouring you pleases me." A low, feral snarl leaked out of the mask. "However, it is as I have said before. The sole purpose for your existence, as well as that of your sister, is to serve Ulquiorra and myself until we become arrancar. That being said, I can't be eating the hired help, now can I, girl?"

"I," She glared up at him with burning violet eyes,imbuing what little force and reaitsu she had into the words. _"Have a name."_

She staggered suddenly, as a heavy weight settled itself between her shoulders. Glancing up, she caught the faintest sheen of moonlight upon a reflective silver surface. The vasto lorde sneered down at her as her knees began to buckle from the sheer weight of the gargantuan sword.

"Very well then, little one." He made a show of flicking the hair behind his shoulder. "If you can somehow match my pace with that blade strapped to your back, then I will allow you to....be addressed by your name.

"W-What?!"

And with a cackle, he vanished into the night.


	2. Diablo

_**Yes, I know I'm on crack, and that this is short, but I just had to give this a go, because its next on my list of crack Ichigo pairings.**_

_**Diablo**_

Upon the arid, barren sands of a land bathed in eternal night, _laughter _filled the air. But there was no shout of alarm, no desperate call to arms, nothing in the way of a response. All that followed was a snarl, then silence. Another scream, another laugh, this time accompanied by the spatter of gore that flew into the air. Now did come the sounds of tearing, popping, ripping and grinding as the body was heaved from its post and away.

A brief, terrified gasp snaked into the moonlight, followed by another laugh as the second adjuchas met is untimely end. The first barely had time to blink before the massive cleaver severed the head from its shoulders. The vasto lorde chuckled darkly as new-found power flooded away from the cold corpse and into his body, producing a small, hairline fracture in the mask he wore.

"I-Ichigo-sama?"

"Hmm? Something wrong, girl?" The vasto lorde grimaced, tilting his head toward Menoly, supplying the petite arrancar with a full view of the torn, cracked mask he wore. Menoly flinched an had to remind herself that the vasto was not scowling, but _smiling_, and that this grimace he wore was perpetually painted into his skin with the mask.

"N-nothing!" She raised her hands pleadingly in reply to his burning stare. "I was just wondering...

"What about?" Ichigo's teeth tore a huge strip of meat from the beast's calf which he downed an instant later.

"Y-Your mask." Menoly tented her fingers nervously. "Doesn't...well, doesn't it hurt?"

Recognizing the familiar flow of conversation, Ulquiorra spared the girl a glance, then resumed his feeding with a careless sigh as the blond plopped herself down before his less contrite companion. For some reason or another, Ichigo had taken a swift, almost instant liking to the timid Menoly, whereas he constantly tormented her more defiant elder sister Loly, whenever he was afforded the chance, which, with the girl's harsh temperament and tantrums, was quite often. She'd even cracked Ichigo's mask once with one of her little fits.

Ordinarily, Ichigo would have killed anyone who dared to touch his mask. Ulquiorra had learned this firsthand, from their very first battle, not as allies, but as rivals. His claws had accidentally come a centimeter too close to ripping out a chunk of the white plaster from the then adjuchas. Ichigo's retaliatory cero had blown Ulquiorra halfway across Hueco Muendo before the battle had ended in a vicious draw, with both sides relenting that they'd rather have each other as an ally, rather than an enemy. And so had begun their de-facto partnership, one formed out of necessity.

In time, Ulquiorra reached the level of vasto lorde, while Ichigo remained an adjuchas. It could be said that the two had a falling out then. With the balance of power now lost, Ulquiorra was more than quick enough to turn upon his former friend and partner. But as luck or fate, Ulquiorra still wasn't sure which, a _shinigami _had somehow stumbled into Hueco Muendo and across their path at the very moment that the final blow was to be struck. There was not much to be said about him, other than his dark skin, white haori, and the massive gash that ran from his left shoulder to his right hip. Ichigo moved in an instant and his subsequent meal of the weakened soul reaper propelled him to the next stage of evolution.

Vasto Lorde.

And so with the balance maintained, the duo was once more at an impasse. Now, their was only the final tier of power left to them, that of the arrancar, those hollows who possessed the strength to remove their masks, and in doing so, obtained the power of a shinigami. However, as the two captain class fighters had soon discovered, removing one's mask was not an easy task. The pain of all the souls they had devoured would well up in an instant, their screams and howls of agony threatening to drive each would-be espada insane. This was the reason why the arrancar were so few in the number, why even the vasto lorde were numerous when compared to the elite espada who resided in that far off fortress...

As it were now, Kurosaki Ichigo desired nothing more than for the chiseled porcelain to be _removed _from his features, completing his evolution into the final form that all hollows strived for. Ulquiora understood and seconded his sentiments entirely.

But there was another way, one that they had only recently discovered, during a clash with another coven of vasto lorde. An excess of reaitsu produced the same effect that would come from a hollow removing it's mask, albeit with slower results. Namely, the more powerful opponent they fought and devoured, the larger the crack. And they were close. Ulquiorra kept a slim katana belted to his waist, while Ichigo had obtained the massivel cleaver that he constantly referred to as Zangetsu. That they had been able to manifest even a portion of their powers in sword form...

Meant they were VERY close.

A dry laugh danced across the air as Menoly now traced one of the cracks with her finger. Ichigo took her hand and led her index finger along the wavering line that darted across the porcelain, ending only at the chin in an ugly bluish black bruise against the chalk white skin of his neck.

_'Kurosaki Ichigo..._

Ulquiorra permitted himself a thin smile when Kurosaki winced, prompting a sputtering apology from Menoly.

_'What a strange creature you are.'_

From what little he knew of his compatriot, Ichigo had had two younger sisters during his life as a human, though that was before his impromptu death at the hands of a drunk driver. Whether it was the coloration of her hair, or perhaps simply her kindheartedness, Menoly strongly reminded Kurosaki of the one known as Yuzu, though Ulquiorra guessed that Kurosaki's feelings for the girl ran much deeper than the flimsy tenuous bond possessed by a brother and sister. Perhaps that was why he tormented Loly so. After all, they'd only picked the girls' up for the sole purpose of having safety in numbers. It was also the reason they had forcibly removed the masks from the pair of twins, when they had been mere adjuchas.

The reason for this, was also blatantly obtuse.(A) It simply wouldn't do if all their 'victims' decided to take out the two most powerful vasto lorde in all of Hueco Muendo. And of course (B) An adjuchas class arrancar, no matter how strong could _never _hope to compare with a vasto lorde.

Having a pair of arrancar, even if they were ridicously weak, served as an excellent security blanket.

Speaking of which...

Ulquiorra glanced to the far south as a small cloud of dust caught his eye on the horizon. Moments later, a dim, but very much present reaitsu wormed its way towards and Ichigo turned as one, their attention drawn by the commotion drawing ever closer towards them.

"Persistent." Ulquiorra sighed, swiveling his head as the first shout reaced his ears. "It seems that the child lacks common-

The spindly vasto lorde never had the chance to finish his sentence, as a dull _whump _punched through the air. Menoly's shriek of dismay echoed Ulquiorra's disbelieving gurgle as the high class hollo was launched from his perch upon the pillar of salt with an explosion of gore, Ulquiorra could only stare silently at what had been the lower half of his body, now, seeping into a pool of black ichor some distance away...

While his upper half crashed into the twisted remains of a ruined tree.

Eyes wide, Ichigo _whirled_, the cero already formed between his horns, screaming for Menoly, who had already driven herself into the ground in an effort to avoid the wall of fire. An inferno that now singed her back and bone as it roared overhead and swept through the general direction from which the original bolt of blue had emanated, creating a small mushroom cloud explosion as superheated sand crystalized into glass.

Ichigo didn't bother to check on the condition of his unseen attacker. With nary a glance in Menoly's direction, he stumbled toward Ulquiorra, and nearly vomitted at the grisly sight that greeted him. A wave of nausea rose in his throat and it was all he could do to fight it back down.

"U-Ulquiorra...

Within a heartbeat, Ichigo's onetime partner opened his eyes and brought a frigid gaze to bear upon him.

"Did you kill him?"

"What?" Taken aback by his ally's query, Ichigo could only blink as Ulquiorra forced himself up upon his elbows. "What're you-

**_"Whoo boy." _**A deep voice echoed from within the cloud of smoke, giving pause to Ulquiorra's reply. At once, the pair of vasto lorde stiffened, the foremost of the group uttering a low, despicable hiss as Menoly glanced about with unconcealed anxiety. **"Quite a cero ya got there, kid."**

Ichigo could only gape as the voice continued in it's thick, western drawl:

**_"Tarnation, that was one helluva ride! Good thing I bought a round trip ticket for that baby! Another blast like that and I'd be a pile of ashes now, yessiree!"_**

Ulquiorra muttered something that sounded like 'fool' and Ichigo continued to gape.

_**"S'matter, hotshot? You think that slick shootin' of yers was enough to do me in? Well...THINK AGAIN!"**_

With a low chuckle, something horrible waded out of the smokescreen and into view.

The creature, and what had once been its mask, were nothing less than hideous. What might have once been a handsome visage was now reduced to a charred and blackened visage that, thankfully, couldn't be seen in the shadow's. What remained of it were a few white scales, speckled across his left cheek before ending in a pair of ornate looking hooks that crooked themselves through its lower jaw and lip, hinging them to his upper lip, giving it the illussion of moving every which way with his words.

His tattered white hakama did little to conceal the spikes the protruded from his body, most notably at the knees, arms and shoulders, nor did the belt that held a small pair of wakizashi belted to the hip escape notice. His eyes, a burning crimson red, swept over the congregration with glee.

_**"Well now, that girl wasn't kiddin'! Two vasto lorde, and an adjuchas, just ripe for the pickin'!" **_With a grinding squeal, his hands/claws, clenched into fists around the muddy brown clothen hilt of each wakizashi which escaped their respective sheathes but a moment later.

"Girl?" Ichigo blinked, drawn from his stupor by the arrancar's careless comment. "Does he mean-

**"Name's Jace." **** "Now, which one of ya'll wants ta be my second meal?"**


End file.
