Mass Effect 1. The Ones We Forgot

The Ones We Forgot

Ishk crouched behind his bunk bed in the dark, hoping to see her as she walked into the room to find him. Sure enough, an asari in a long, flowing blue dress entered the room like one of the pretty dancers he'd seen on the vid screen. Her footfalls were quiet and graceful as she searched for his hideous form. He had always been enchanted by her skin color, the naturally dark blue hue made him think of the first time he'd seen clean water inside a blue tupperware container.

"Ishk? Please, Love, I only want to see you. It'll be alright."

Her voice sounded so soft, so wonderful to his ears, that he actually had to stifle an involuntary grunt to stay hidden. He sometimes hated being a vorcha. Seeing how much worse his species were compared to others by simple virtue of their existence pained him. His kin on Heshtok could barely think far enough ahead to get dinner, much less for their social standing in the galaxy.

Sometimes he wondered why mother Allyna had started teaching him at all, instead of letting him grow up in the mire that was Heshtok like his siblings. He would never understand why she'd chosen him as her personal favorite out of hundreds.

"Ishk, my Fiata. I can see you back there. Please, come talk with me. I know you're scared." Her soothing voice made him stand from his crouching position behind the bed and poke his head from around the mattress, still flustered and afraid of being admonished.

"Ahhhrrrk! I- I did not mean to hide from-"

"Ah ah, Ishk. You know not to lie. You aren't in trouble, Fiata."

"I Sorry, Mama Ally."

"It's alright, come here." She crouched in the middle of the room with her arms wide, her kind smile illuminated by the sunroof in the room behind her. He gripped the edge of the bed in hesitation, his claws leaving little holes in the fabric until he worked up the courage to leave the corner of his room. He kept his eyes down, scanning around his feet in discomfort the nearer he got to Allyna.

When he got within a feet feet of her, he lunged forward into her waiting arms, needing the comfort... but afraid of it as well. Even after living in this sanctuary of a mining facility for three and a half years, he hadn't completely let go of his rough upbringing on Heshtok.

"Hush, My Love. Shhh." Her soothing words made him realize he was snorting in fear, a slight bit of snot trailing down his nostrils as he mewled softly into her shoulder. The terror from the tv show still danced in his head. The horrible noise and scorching laser tearing through great swaths of aliens who had only a moment to scream before disintegrating. His whole body trembled now, sagging against his in-all-but-name mother as he let go of the tension.

He was always mindful of his claws now, after months of reminders from her to not touch everything for fear of hurting people. He heeded her again now, tucking his hands behind her back to hug as lightly as he could. His snorts and hiccups slowing enough for her to let him go, she stood from her crouch beside him and helped him off the floor.

"The Reapers are far, far away, Fiata. We'll be alright. Now come along, there are still lessons to finish." She half turned to face the door, beckoning him with one arm outstretched in his direction.

With a small sniffle he wiped the drool from his face with the back of his hand and stood, nodding silently and following behind her. They left the sanctuary of his room and headed for the main hall, the other vorcha still sitting quietly and watching the news screen he'd ran from earlier. It no longer showed the nasty machines called Reapers, instead showing a pretty asari lady with a stack of papers talking too quickly for him to understand.

"Letya, please, turn that off for now." Allyna called across to the other asari in the room, who bowed her head and did as she was asked. The others snapped out of their state of paralysis, speaking quickly amongst each other in both fear and excitement. Some of the newer orphan vorcha had a look of pure thrill at the prospect of reapers coming here, but they had yet to learn anything beside anger and hate.

"Please, calm yourselves! We are in no danger, I assure you." Allyna called across the class in an effort to quiet the throng of clamoring vorcha. When she went mostly ignored her expression and voice turned more stern. "Shall we send you to the mines early today, then?"

The class as one grew quiet, eyes shooting to hers to show they were paying attention.

"That's better. Now, we were discussing proper annunciation of the asari dialect. For example, my name is Allyna T'Nala. All-ee-na Ta-Naa-la."

Ishk took his seat on one of the long cushioned benches near the back, listening but not truly hearing what she said as his eyes wandered back to the now dark vid screen. She had said they wouldn't come to Parasc, that they were too far removed from the fight to matter.

Please be right, Mama Ally.


	2. A Promise

"Remember, no claws and you get a treat!"

Ishk watched Mother Allyna's face light up in a smile for him as he struggled to do as she asked. He looked down at his arms as if at a loss, before looking back up to his fellow vorcha standing before him in determination.

Gently, and being careful not to scratch, Ishk extended one hand and took the other vorcha's hand in his own to shake slowly up and down. His mind screamed at him to give the other vorcha at least a light clawing, anything to make sure he knew Ishk's strength, but he refrained.

"Yes! Oh, that was wonderful, Ishk! and you too, Lerit!" Allyna clapped excitedly and began scribbling down notes in her personal datapad, still smiling brightly as she spoke. "This is a clear marker on your road to becoming members of galactic society. Soon, you'll be able to leave this place and chase whatever dream you might desire, My Fiata. Here." She took a small sealed container from the table nearest her and slid it across to him, leaving the lid on and watching him intently.

For a moment, he still felt the urge to simply tear the lid off for the contents inside, but her curious gaze stopped him. He reached down tentatively, grabbing the container and using one claw to pry the lid open rather than rip it off. Ishk snorted excitedly at himself, pride filling him for having remembered the trick she'd shown him so long ago. He held the box up and danced around a little bit in celebration, earning a soothing laugh from Allyna and a growl from Lerit.

"Here, you take piece too." Ishk held out the tub of meat he'd just opened for the other vorcha, and was shocked when the whole container got snatched from his hands. Instinct kicked in before he could register it, and he hissed vehemently as the other vorcha held the container protectively with both hands.

"Lerit! No! You give that back this instant!" Allyna stood up and strode towards them, anger clear on her face as she faced down his kin.

"But, I want it!"

"Lerit, you give that back to Ishk _right now."_

"Ahhhh! No faaaaaair!"

"Lerit Kiz'itar! Now."

The other vorcha's head drooped in defeat, his brief lapse into barbarism becoming the worse sort of shame in a place of learning like this one. His chin touching his chest, Lerit held out the container of delicious smelling meat for Ishk to take back, but Ishk hesitated. When he didn't immediately take the tub back, Allyna cocked her head in curiosity at him.

"No. Lerit keep meats." His statement made Allyna blink at him in a momentary bewilderment, but her confusion soon gave way to her wondrous smile. Lerit looked up hopefully, casting glances between the two and making sure he'd heard right. The asari matriarch nodded to him that it was alright, and Lerit scampered off with his prize and out of the classroom.

Allyna stood before Ishk, looking into his face and tapping one slender finger against her lip as she thought.

"That was... unexpected. Why did you let him keep what was meant for you?"

Her question sounded odd to his ears, as if he were an experiment that had done the same thing every time it was tried, only to suddenly do something else.

"He wanted it."

"That's not what I asked, Fiata." Her gaze seemed to penetrate right to his soul, making him shift uncomfortably despite her use of the endearment, 'fiata'.

"I not want to hurt Lerit. Better to let him keep meats. Ishk-I mean, *I* not want Lerit to be not-happy."

For a while after he spoke, Allyna remained silent, simply watching him with a small smile. Her eyes began to look odd to him, as if she had gotten something wet in them and couldn't get it out. She bit her lower lip, and a small bit of the wet fell from her eyes and down her cheek in what he finally recognized as an alien being upset. His eyes widened in terror, and his mind raced to find what he'd done wrong.

"Why Mama Ally cry? Please no early mines today! Ishk stay quiet, I promise! I-" His desperate attempt to understand what he'd done wrong died as she enveloped him in a hug so tight that it surprised him. He stood dumbstruck, jaw working soundlessly as his fear subsided bit by bit.

"That is why I love you so, My Ishk," She whispered quietly over his shoulder. "You care about others. Such a thing is hard to find for such a large galaxy, but I found it in you. You make me so proud, Fiata." She held him a little longer before pulling back enough to look him in the eyes, her hands on both his shoulders. "Promise me you will never lose that trait. That you will always do your best to help others." Her eyes sparkled from the tears, and Ishk found it impossible to look away.

"I promise." The look she gave him, one of mixed pride and love, would stay with him forever.


	3. Irrational Fears

"Now normally, scars are the preferred form of communication in vorcha. What our goal here on Parasc has been; what Mind and Hand's goal has been, is the integration of various vorcha orphans to galactic society."

Ishk watched attentively as Allyna spoke to what she referred to as 'The Board' for Mind and Hand. Mind and Hand, he'd come to learn, funded the entire vorcha endeavor essentially as a charity to a less fortunate species.

The asari on the vid screen shifted in their seats as they listened to his mother speak, his moderate exposure to alien expressions conveyed to him they were, in fact, bored. Allyna appeared not to notice as she continued to deliver her spiel.

"We have made great strides with the ones we have now. They have gotten over the need to inflict damage on themselves or others, and can actually remain in close proximity to both aliens or other vorcha for hours at a time without injuries. Their math and language skills have risen dramatically since their induction, and with very little draw back on the mining operation's gross profits. The orbital station reports indicate at least a zero point eight percent increase in productivity with every dozen vorcha we take from Heshtok, not to mention our-"

"_Matriarch Allyna, you know as well as anyone the reason we started that training program. While we can appreciate the wonders you're working on the vorcha, the small increase in productivity is not an adequate return on the investment. Unless you and the others there can show meaningful correlation between worker intelligence and our bottom line, we're going to have to shut it down._" The asari board member's expression was one of pained helplessness, as though somewhere on the way out the words hurt her throat.

"_We cannot help them against the Reapers either." _Another asari said, her mouth turned down at the corners as though she'd eaten something raw and could no longer keep it down.

"They probably won't even come here. The Reapers will either be dealt with before they do, or we'll all be dead. In the case of the latter your profit margin is moot. Please, if nothing else, this project is helping our public image. The expenditures for the school cannot be such a drain on the board that dooming these vorcha to dwell in poverty is worth it!"

Allyna strode closer to the screen, anger beginning to mash up her usually beautiful features. "As it so happens, I have brought one of my best students in for you to question and speak to as you please. At least make the effort to see the progress we're making with them before throwing us to the varren."

Ishk went rigid as the room's ethereal figures turned to face him almost as one. He snorted softly in surprise, his eyes widening as he finally understood he was being asked to speak. Allyna made a small motion with one hand for him to come stand beside her, and the bad feeling in his stomach settled a little at her reassuring presence.

"This is Ishk'Itar. He has been learning here at the school for nearly two years now, and is one of my most advanced students."

"_I see. Ishk'Itar? May we ask you some questions?"_

"*Snort* Yes! Yes. I can answer questions."

"_How do you like the school there? Do you miss Heshtok_?"

Ishk looked down at his feet as he thought, his mind churning through what was expected of him in this conversation. He had barely been able to follow the aliens fast paced speech, but had managed to gather a few important bits.

"I have learned lots! *Snort* Glad for Allyna's teaching. There are many things I want to learn still." Ishk had to pause to think about his next words carefully, casting a brief glance at Allyna before answering the rest of the question. "I do not miss Heshtok. Too much stupid."

"_What do you mean_?"

"Stupid vorcha. Stupid Blood-Pack. Stupid companies. Stupid tribe wars. Stupid stupid stupid. They take vorcha away to die badly. Never come back to tribe."

The board of asari looked bothered by this account of how bad things were on his homeworld, eyeing each other and shifting in their seats.

"_And what about the mines? Do you resent working there_?"

"Re-zent?"

"_Do you not like it_?" The question made him frown at it's obvious stupidity, and he looked to Allyna to silently ask if this were some sort of trick. When she simply stared back, he looked back to the screen.

"No. No vorcha like mines. We work to take out the shiny rocks so we can stay and learn more."

"_I see,"_ the first asari repeated. "_That will be all, Ishk'Itar." _The board members began to turn from him to speak with Allyna again, and for the first time in a long time he felt his anger rise.

_They want to take it all away! Must do something, anything! _

"Do not take mama Ally from us!"

"Ishk!" Allyna hissed at him, but he ignored it.

"We love mama Ally! We need to learn. Need to know more!"

"Ishk, that is quite enough!" The matriarch's voice sounded furious. Her lips pressed together in a thin line as she stared him down. "You go to your room until I say otherwise. Understand?"

Ishk nodded, his head down and shoulders nearly to his ears with the shame he'd just heaped upon himself. He wrung his hands and shuffled from the room, now terrified that he had just ruined his chance for a different, better life.

* * *

A solid _thump_ sounded through the wall of Ishk's room as he punched it hard enough to draw his own blood. Greenish yellow blood oozed freely from his knuckles, but at that moment he welcomed the pain.

"Ahh!" he hissed helplessly at the empty room, his constant pacing for the last hour or so no longer being enough to still his bubbling frustration.

_I had to. They had to be told!_

...Did they really? His mind tried recoiling from thought, knowing it would only make him more angry.

_Mama Ally told me to be truthful..._

But then, of course she would. She wanted to look better in front of her leash holders, like a Blood-Pack varren who wanted a treat. Small snorts and hyperventilation filled the silence as he continued walking the length of the room he called his own. For the first time in his life, he was not happy in this place.

_What about big steel boat captains at the docks? They were asking around for help. _

He stopped dead in the center of the room as the thought struck him. Mama Ally would surely do something bad from his outburst, possibly even kick him out of the school. Should he not take the first move and leave himself?

_But would she really do that? She love Ishk... doesn't she? What if she only like me as pet, like the humans we saw with the dog on the vid screen? Or as prize varren with pretty color to show off for stupid 'board'?_

With a grim determination he strode from the room and headed for the docks, not even leaving so much as a note.


	4. A Tragic Leap

"That'd be the gist of it, Loadmaster." A burly man with a beer gut and a ragged beard stood before the off ramp to a merchant vessel, arguing with a man in uniform.

"Then my answer is still no, Captain. Dock security will have my ass on a silver platter if I simply let you _take_ some of their pets straight out of the academy. You can post fliers for them to come voluntary, but kidnapping is still kidnapping. Even for vorcha."

"Oh get off 'ur damn high horse, Mate. If them Reapers come here and ain't no vorcha to man the fleet, won't be a damn one of em' left anyway."

"Captain, i'm giving you fair warning. Leave. Them Alone." The uniformed man turned on his heel and left the captain sitting there fuming to himself as Ishk came out of hiding. It took the Captain a moment to even notice his presence, but when he did his mood failed to get better.

"What you standin' there 'fer ya slob? I got cargo needs unloadin'!

Ishk balked at the man's tone, finding himself almost moving to do as told before he could stop himself. Shaking his head, Ishk stood up straight and addressed the Captain.

"No. Not here for boxes and crates."

"'Scuse me?"

"I hear you and other alien talking about fleet. Ishk want to join. Want to kill Reapers."

The Captain's expression turned from annoyed to thoughtful as he ran a hand through his beard, eyeing Ishk as though expecting a trap of some kind.

"Why? Whadda you care? You got yer fancy school to huddle and cower in."

"You want help or not? *Snort* No more questions!"

"Fine, fine. Keep yer panties from a twist, christ. Ya can come with me to the defense fleet 'round Lihrat, but cause trouble and i'll space ya faster than an elcor with the shits. You understand?"

He didn't, but didn't see the point in disagreeing either. Ishk nodded that he did, and followed the captain up the cargo ramp. The bright cargo lights spilled a yellow tinted hue over the inside of the ship, and the large crates sat inside still waiting to be dropped off to the landing deck.

"Don't care what ya said earlier, Kid. You _are_ helpin' me unload this mess." The Captain gestured towards the crates in question, and began showing him how to go about it. After an hour or more of shoving ridiculously heavy crates onto the conveyor belt, Ishk finally had a chance to sit down and rest.

No sooner had he let his head fall back against the wall than a familiar voice jolted him upright again.

"Excuse me, Captain? Might I ask you a few questions? We seem to have lost a student from the school earlier and were hoping you could help." Allyna's voice came from outside the loading ramp, just out of sight.

"Maybe. Depends on what kind of help yer talkin' bout'." The gruff voice of the Captain answered back rather rudely, and Ishk felt a moment of panic. If he gave Ishk away, he would be finished. He almost got up and went outside then and there to beg forgiveness, but managed to squeeze his eyes shut and keep still.

"As I said, a student has disappeared, and we're hoping you could tell us if you've seen him?" There was a brief pause, as if she were presenting something to him.

"Hmm... No, don't think I seen the likes of him recently. But who knows? All 'ese damn worms look alike to me anyhow."

"Worms? I find that highly offensive, Captain. These are thinking, feeling beings who deserve your respect."

"Ya, whatere' you say, Lady. I ain't seen the bastard. Now can ya move along? I still got work ta do 'ere."

Ishk sat holding his knees with both hands, staring at the bulkhead of the ship in slight disbelief. He had thought for sure the Captain would turn him over to her. He felt numb as he sat there, his nerves tingling and his mind empty. When the Captain stomped back up the ramp to find him, Ishk didn't even bother looking up.

"Come on then, Rodent. Yer new life awaits."

Ishk's shoulders began to shake with his silent cries.


	5. New Life

Ishk had no recollection of being in space during his life. He knew he'd been shuttled from Heshtok as a child, but for the life of him he could not remember it. This lack of memory might have been the reason why he found himself plastered to the observation window as they approached the gas giant, Lihrat. The beautiful dark reds and blacks that swirled across it's surface were hypnotizing to him, even from this far away.

It was a red marble from this distance, but he could still make out the details. He almost didn't see the large flotilla of ships they were approaching for how distracted he was with the gas giant itself. Many ships in loose formation floated lazily through space around them, their guns and armor sparkling in the light from the star and casting shadows over the rest of their hulls.

He had wondered to himself why the fleet had come here instead of somewhere with more people, like Heshtok, but had given up. He was sure the reason would become obvious if he paid close enough attention. That was how it had always worked in mama Ally's classes, anyway.

Ishk watched one of the ships in the fleet grow far larger than the rest as they neared it, until it's hull blocked out the stars. A heavy _clunk_ could be heard and felt throughout the ship as the docking hatch connected with them. A small hiss from the door opening made him whirl around to find the Captain standing there.

"Come on, You. I can't 'ave a vorcha scuttlin' 'bout ma ship. This'd be yer stop."

"What am I supposed to do?" Ishk looked back at the ship floating alongside them with unease before continuing his question. "Who can I talk to? How can Ishk help?"

"Oh, would ya quit yer whinin' already? get or'e' to the General's ship n' someone'll keep ya busy. Now off ya go."

Ishk wasn't used to people speaking to him like that, and recoiled with every admonishment the Captain threw at him until his head felt as though it were sunk into his shoulders. He kept his eyes downcast and walked past the Captain silently, sliding past his beer belly and out into the hall.

The Captain followed him to the bridge without speaking and ushered him into the airlock. As soon as Ishk stepped inside, the man closed the door behind him and sealed him to his fate without so much as a word. Ishk stood alone in the airlock as it cycled, his eyes watching the ceiling as though he expected it to collapse and hurl him into the cold of space.

The tiny clicks and hissing noises made him think of the mining equipment back on Paresc, and when the door opened he was caught staring wide eyed at the roof. Three figures stood in the doorway, one turian flanked by two vorcha who stared at him quizzically. The turian cast a sidelong glance at his vorcha bodyguard before clearing his throat, making Ishk whirl around to face them.

"Only one from Captain Giovanni? What the hell am I supposed to do with a single vorcha?" The turian had bright orange face paint in jagged lines along his jaw and forehead, which only served to make him look more angry. He threw up his arms and shook his head before storming off. His vorcha guards were heavily armored brutes, covered in tattoos and scars and obviously dumb as doorknobs. They stared blankly at him for a moment more before they realized their charge had left them and scampered off to follow.

Ishk watched them leave uneasily, shifting in place and wondering if he was supposed to be following the group. Breaking the stalemate, Ishk lurched forward after them, running until he could fall into step behind the two other vorcha. The turian called to his crew in passing, barking orders and sending groups of vorcha scurrying off for some task or another until he reached the back of the bridge overlooking his crew.

"You," he pointed at Ishk in irritation. "Go find the Engineering section on deck three. They can always use another grunt." The turian turned to the map of the system, dismissing Ishk from his mind until he realized Ishk hadn't moved. "Well? Get going you moron!"

"I'm not stupid, turian." Ishk's proper grammar and level headedness made the turian commander blink in confusion, but his plates soon rearranged themselves to be angry again.

"I dont care if you're a damn _genius_. You're still a vorcha, and you're still under _my _command."

"True. Put Ishk somewhere useful. Smarter than these," Ishk waved disdainfully at the drone-like vorcha who wandered the bridge around them. "Can help you." He watched the turian carefully, trying but failing to see the little facial differences that might reveal his thoughts.

_I didn't go through years of teaching to be thrown in the same place as the rest. I will be different. I will be better._

"...Alright. I'll give you a shot at something more complicated." He stepped down from his station to stand in front of Ishk, and waved his vorcha goons away. They looked lost as Ishk and the turian left them standing there uselessly. "Name's Mallius. General of the Kyzil defense force. You're from that asari school, aren't you." His tone made it clear it was not a question, but a statement.

"Yes. I am Ishk'Itar."

"Well maybe you aren't quite as stupid as the lot i've been having to deal with so far, but I have my doubts as to how smart a vorcha can possibly be. Why i've even been sent to this system is an insult I doubt i'll ever understand the reason behind."

Ishk was saved from having to respond by Mallius' abrupt halt. He turned to face Ishk, looking him up and down and making a mental judgement. "Ok, look. You aren't some tattooed Blood-Pack red-sand peddler, so I'm willing to take a chance on you. The terminal by the Commander's station is my personal communique station. If one of the other Captains needs my attention, or if I have any personal mail, you will be the one to filter it out and give it a priority. Understand?"

"Uh, yes! Yes. I understand. How does it work?"

"There will be an inbox folder, same as on your Omni-tool. A series of flags are pinned above each communique. Red means it's urgent, yellow means I need to see it, and green means it can wait. And so help me, if I catch you've flagged any spam instead of deleting it, I will toss you out the airlock without a second thought."

Ishk nodded excitedly, eager to be given a position of importance rather than toiling away in what equated to the mines, only in a spaceship instead.

"Yes! I will do this. Thank you."

"Yeah, right. Your welcome I guess. Now get to it. I have other things to do for now. I expect things to be in order by the time I get back." Mallius leveled one last warning glance before he stalked off towards the elevator and disappeared behind the doors.

Shaking and snorting in exuberance, Ishk ran to the terminal and set about figuring out how to work a computer for the first time. Instead of worrying, he felt an extreme thrill from the challenge presented. He would not let Mallius down. He would not return home a failure.


	6. They Struck Like Lightning

It had been months since Ishk had last gotten a message from Allyna, her worried pleas crushing him each and every time. They had sent many messages at first from the school, but when he replied to none of them, only Allyna had kept trying. Even the sound of her voice made him want to break down, but he persevered, knowing what he did here could make a difference for the vorcha left on Heshtok.

He had made much progress since that first day aboard the ship. General Mallius had been impressed with how much he'd been able to do in the brief time he'd had to learn the system, and had gradually seen fit to bestow new duties. He now presided over his own group of vorcha workers on the lower levels when he was not assisting the General directly, giving orders and disciplining them as necessary if they got out of hand. It never failed to shock Ishk, when the much larger workers cowered from him because of the position he held.

Ishk stood in front of the General's personal communique terminal, perusing the inbox and idly reading through them. For someone in such a remote system, he seemed to get a lot of updates on the war in general. Ishk grew excited when he passed over one such update, headlined: _Reaper progress into the Terminus_.

He felt both terror and adrenaline course through him at the star chart indicators, showing the neighboring system of Xe Cha as under Reaper control. The whole fleet had been on high alert for the past week, but this new message confirmed their worst assumptions. He flagged it red for urgent, but felt that wasn't enough. The General had gone down to engineering for a quick walkthrough as he always did, and Ishk did something he had been told never to do. Use the PA system.

The ship speakers crackled to life as he keyed them on, putting the mic a little too close to his mouth as he spoke.

"_Caftan to bridfge! Repeef! Caftan to briffge!"_

There was a brief moment of dead silence on the bridge around him as the crew all looked at each other questioningly, but Mallius' response came swiftly.

"_What's the emergency, Ishk_?"

"Priority one message, General." Ishk waited for his response from over the PA, but one never came. In what had to be record time, the elevator doors pinged to admit the General. His face carried the same weight as thunderclouds, and Ishk could have sworn he saw electricity spark across his eyes.

"This had better not be a foul up." He shoved Ishk aside to look at the latest Reaper intel, and the more he read the more his anger transformed into realization.

"Spirits... They already have the relay system? A few days at most before they stumble across-"

"General Mallius, sir! Have ladar readings coming in. Gaaah! Signatures match known reaper formations."

The news by itself seemed to demoralize the General, his mandibles fluttering softly as he stared at the galaxy map. Ishk had to lean in a little closer to hear what he muttered to himself. "No... not yet. We aren't ready yet."

"Cap-taan?"

"That's it, then," The General stood up to his full height. "I want the fleet at full alert and moving into formation around the fuel depot. Let's move people! Just like we practiced." His last words were swallowed by the sudden commotion of people rushing into action. Orders and shouts drowned out anything else the General might have had to say, though he didn't seem to mind.

Reports kept pouring in from the different stations as the Reapers began rolling into the system, and Ishk had a little trouble following it all.

"One...two, three... four! Four Reaper silhouettes and... uh, six troop transports-"

"-Captain Lilouttes says he's in position!"

"Reapers go for fuel depot! Big ones in back, little ones in front."

The General took these reports as a matter of course, but Ishk could see him tense more with each new piece of information. His mandibles were locked straight ahead, and his eyes kept drifting downward to the floor. Somehow, all the clues from the General gave the impression of despair being thinly disguised, and Ishk felt his gut sink with dread. The silence from Mallius only made it worse.

_He doesn't think we can win. I ran from the school, ran from mama Ally, just to die out here?_

A sudden burst of anger spurred Ishk into action, and he stepped towards the General to shove him with one arm.

"Ey! What the hell was-"

"You not mope anymore! Fight! We need you!"

"Hell with that. You haven't seen what these things can do. What they've done to Palaven..." Mallius' eyes drifted again to a place in his mind filled with terror, and the call from the helmsman almost went unheard before he snapped out of it.

"_Reapers get close now."_

Mallius roared his response into his Omni-tool. "All ships, stay in formations! Protect the fuel depot!"

Ishk watched the deployment screen above the galaxy map in fascinated horror as the defense fleet began to disperse in a laughably atrocious bull rush towards the Reapers. There were no tactics being employed here. No stratagem. This was vorcha temper at it's finest and dumbest.

"Pull back, damn you! Spirits, what are they doing?" Mallius too watched the deployment screen, though his expression spoke of someone watching a nightmare that they'd seen before, only now it was unfolding for real. He growled low in his throat, the dual tones of his species making the sound incredibly savage and sent a shudder through Ishk's spine.

"All Ships forward! Support the advance. Do as much damage as you can to the troop transports!" A series of affirmations followed his commands, but most the other ships remained silent.

The bow of the General's flagship, _Sands of Otar, _turned ponderously towards the Reaper forces tearing through his fleet and opened fire. The reverberations of the main gun could be felt through the deck like the feel of an earthquake. To see such power simply bounce off the nearest Reaper made Ishk realize how stupid he'd truly been.


	7. And Thus We Fell

Ishk leapt over another corpse in his head-long sprint for the bridge, ignoring the twisted shapes he could-but didn't want to-associate with limbs of half-buried vorcha. The ship's klaxon blared it's shrill call across every deck of the ship, warning of a critical failure in engineering. He made sure his breather mask sat snug over his mouth and eyes while on the run, hoping it would be enough.

Crewmembers ran by him with just as much urgency as he himself felt, shoving him roughly in their attempt to get by. He had been buffeted by desperate vorcha all along his escape from engineering, each of them seeking escape pods. Ishk, however, still held out hope for General Mallius.

Immediately, all sound vanished as he entered the vacuum that was the bridge and the air got sucked out from behind him. He stumbled at the lack of gravity, nearly spinning out of control until he caught a nearby safety rail. Once he'd stabilized himself and got his racing heart working somewhat normally again, he looked out over the scene of carnage.

The ships emergency lights were all that moved on the mostly silent bridge, casting long red streams of light and shadows over the wreckage. Power cords could be seen as they discharged uselessly into the air, the blue flashes from the electricity at odds with the dark red glow surrounding him.

He gawked for a moment, gripping the handrail so tightly he could feel his claws tear the metal. A huge section of roof had been sheared away by the Reapers blast, cutting a swath through the floor and into the next deck down. The starlight that filtered in through the hole had the distinct red tint of the nearby gas giant, and for once, he could not find it beautiful.

"Generaal! Generaal Mallius?" Ishk called out over his radio. Only static responded.

With a bit of positioning, Ishk placed both feet on the bulkhead behind him and shoved off, allowing the lack of gravity to propel him towards the cockpit. He had no Zero-G training what so ever, and his first ever propelled jump had very poor aim. He slammed face first into the charred wreck of the galaxy map, screaming in his helmet as he bounced off and upward. He grabbed around frantically, hoping for anything to stop him before he was hurled into space.

His claws finally sunk into something solid, and he held on for dear life, swinging his body to the part of the hull he'd grabbed a hold of. He clung now to the edge of the blast area in the ceiling, the metal still exceedingly hot to the touch even after space exposure. Switching his grip from hand to hand every couple of seconds, all the while saying, "Ow ow ow ow! Hot hot hot!" Ishk finally managed to push himself in the direction he wanted.

He drifted slowly towards the cockpit, hoping beyond hope that he could find someone alive within the sealed atmosphere bubble. For a moment, Ishk was hypnotized by the shiny blue bubble that encased the pilot area, but shook it off. He refocused on getting inside and looking around.

As soon as he passed through the bubble, he knew something was wrong.

_Why am I still floating? _

He had expected to be stopped by gravity once inside, and was shocked when he kept floating in and slapped his shoulder against the pilots chair. The chair slowly spun around and around in the lack of gravity, revealing the vorcha pilot still strapped in and beyond saving. Ishk steadied the chair and used it as an anchor to move the co-pilot's chair, but he already knew what he would find.

Inside the co-pilots chair sat General Mallius, his breather mask on but eyes glazed and lifeless from the massive puncture wound in his chest. A hole in the forward windows from a stray piece of wreckage had managed to find it's way to his heart. Blood bubbles floated around the still space of the cockpit like tiny ice balls, breaking apart whenever they met resistance.

Ishk lost the ability to grip the chair anchoring him down, his limbs turning to jelly as he began floating backwards. His eyes never left Mallius' face as he continued aimlessly floating, the turian's zombified features looking a million times older and shrivelled like an empty juice box.

For what felt like hours, Ishk floated in the cockpit, until finally his sadness dissipated in the wake of a sudden fear. It gripped his mind and heart so fiercely that when he stumbled into action, he almost pushed too hard and sent himself back towards the hole in the bridge's ceiling. The crew on the bridge had not had time to get to their life pods, and so there sat a fresh row of them, unused.

He hurriedly searched for a way to open the doors, and finally saw a lever by one side. He floated to and yanked the lever quickly, sending the row of lifepod doors opening as one. It took a bit of squirming, but he finally managed to get himself inside and sit in the seat. After the pod pressurized with the precious remaining air the ship had, he took one last look through the doors and towards the cockpit, before hitting the button for ejection.

The sudden jerk of acceleration sent him flying towards the bulkhead, and just before he went unconscious he wondered how he could possibly have forgotten the seat belt.


	8. Return Flight

The world came back to Ishk slowly, the pain behind his eyes like an Omni-claw lodged into his skull making the process of waking take even longer. He watched the colors dance along his eyelids for a long while, his mind not fully recovered enough to allow him consciousness. He could feel a wound on his head pulsing in time to his headache, and a small groan escaped his lips.

In a jolt of sudden panic, Ishk jerked up into a sitting position and looked around, his eyes dilated and chest pounding furiously. He had to blink in confusion when he didn't recognize the tiny room he now sat in, until he saw the viewport near the back. He eased himself up, pushing his back into the wall to make sure he didn't fall right back over again.

Using one hand along the row of chairs to stabilize himself, Ishk made his way to the back of the room and looked out of the window only to find the dark of space and starlight. His expression didn't change for a while as he stared outside, disbelief making it hard to feel his face. He could see them.

Ships floated along behind his path, great shattered bodies of once proud warships now dead in Lihrat's orbit. Giant holes through their broken bodies looked as though a monster had come through and ripped them to shreds. Some still spouted flame into space as their oxygen reserves sputtered out, and he imagined he could see more than a few orbiting corpses of his fallen comrades. The fuel reserve station that had orbited Lihrat now consisted of so much scrap metal, the starship fuel flung from the station formed a spider's web of purplish black that blotched out a portion of the stars.

Ishk sat down heavily, mercifully blocking the death of the defense fleet from his view and dragged one clawed hand down his face. He rested his chin in his palm, eyes searching the floor of his escape pod for answers on how this could have happened.

_General Mallius dead, my life for the past year wasted in an hour. No one left to save Heshtok. No one left to save..._

Ishk's panic returned with a vengeance. He'd nearly forgotten mama Allyna on Parasc. He scrambled from the seat and towards the front of the pod, frantically searching for some indication of how to steer the stupid thing. A computer near the forward hatch had coordinates on it's screen, though he knew very little about how to read those. After trying to decide which button to press for what he wanted, he growled in frustration.

"Ahh! How I set stupid thing?"

"_Due to a lack of coordinates during the initial ejection, current course is set for the nearest known habitable planet. If you would like to alter the predetermined course, press one now."_

Ishk frowned at the synthesized voice in confusion, briefly wondering if there were someone else in the pod before he realized the voice was utterly bland and lifeless. He leaned over the console and tapped a button.

"_Current course is for Heshtok. Are you sure you wish to change this course?"_

He pushed another button.

"_You have chosen to change course. Please input new destination. If you would like to use voice commands you may do so, or press one for more options."_

"Parasc."

"_I'm sorry, I don't have: 'Faresq' in my navigational charts. Please try another destination."_

"Paar. ask." He carefully annunciated it this time, frustration contorting his face into a rictus snarl.

"_You have chosen: 'Parasc' as your new destination. Please confirm_."

Ishk rolled his eyes and shook his head before hitting the confirmation button, wondering what company had made such a stupid VI.

"_New destination confirmed. New travel time is six hours and thirty seven minutes at current level of thrust. Please, remain calm and contact emergency personnel for escape pod evacuation. Thank you_."

Ishk sighed and settled into the nearest seat, closing his eyes against the pain in his brain at the sudden movement. His head already felt better than it did since he woke up, the throbbing having gone down in intensity dramatically. He knew from experience that no wound lasted more than a day or two unless it were life threatening, and so tried to distract himself from it.

_Would they even bother Parasc? Reapers like big cities, lots of people. Not desert school. Maybe mama Ally still ok. _He clung to that thought desperately, wishing to see her smile again, or hear her wonderful voice. He turned his gaze to the window one last time, watching the dead remains of the fleet drift ever further away. He had managed to not break down completely upon Mallius' death, and still felt too numb to feel much for the rest of the fleet.

_Want it to be over. To sit in class and learn about numbers and letters. _

The longer he watched the dead ships slowly disappear into the black of space, the more he doubted that could ever happen again.


	9. Override

It was disorienting at first, watching the planet in the window rotate from the top to the bottom of his view without him ever feeling it. Ishk could ignore the queasiness he felt by keeping his eyes locked on Parasc; the dry and _mostly _habitable planet he'd called home for most of his life.

He still wasn't sure what he expected to find once he arrived back at the school. Yelling from the teachers? A reprimand and lots of time in the mines?

_Will they even let me back in?_

This question plagued him for most of the travel time he'd spent in the pod, and the fact he would soon get answers made the remaining wait all the more blood-boiling. The pod had now turned its thrusters towards the planet, preparing for the re-entry counter-thrust needed to land without turning its occupants into paste.

Ishk stalked back and forth in the small space, mind filled with worry as the entire pod began to vibrate beneath his feet.

"_Orbital re-entry imminent. Please remain seated with your safety belt secured."_

"Gaah! Stupid VI! You shush!" Ishk knew it to be fruitless to scream at an artificial voice, but the tension building inside him needed an outlet, and right now his voice worked just fine. His eyes dilated almost completely, and his nostrils were flaring far too quickly as he hyperventilated. The cabin began to grow hot as they passed through the atmosphere, and he opened his mouth to cool himself off with his breathing.

The pod began to quake, the cabin seeming to bounce violently as he clung to the handrails with an iron grip. The muscles in his arms bulged as he kept himself upright, eyes locked onto the floor while the cabin attempted to rattle itself to pieces around him.

"_Beginning re-entry. Escape pod will land approximately one mile from the Parasc mining facility. If you are in need of medical attention, you may override the minimum safe distance clause. Doing so will subject you to the costs and legal liabilities that are caus_—"

"OoooOOOOvvvvVVVVerRRRiiidDDeee!" Ishk's voice bounced along with the cabin so hard that he had difficulty breathing. He knew he could get in even greater trouble for this, but panic had gripped his heart fiercely.

The shaking increased tenfold as the counter-thrusters kicked in, making him squeal in surprise as the world turned into a blur of motion. The inertial dampeners saved him from becoming a sticky puddle of vorcha on the side of the escape pod, but the rattling continued unabated. It lasted for what felt like forever, and when it suddenly stopped to the heavy thud of ground moving beneath him, he had trouble adjusting.

He stood in the now-still pod, hands locked tightly around the handrails and his teeth chattering violently enough for it to drown out any other sound. Ishk waited for something else to happen, like an explosion, or the pod to splinter and impale him with something sharp. When these things failed to happen, he dared to relax enough to release the death grip.

His legs turned to jelly beneath him, and he collapsed, the adrenaline previously coursing through him no longer keeping him upright. After a moment of pause, he began crawling towards the hatch of the escape pod, digging his claws into the metal to gain enough purchase for forward momentum.

Amidst a series of pitiful snorts, grunts and hisses, Ishk finally unlatched the pod door and shoved it open from his awkward position on the floor. Propping himself up on a spiked elbow, Ishk strained to see past the glow of heat from the hull and into the darkness around him to no avail. Heat rose from around him in shimmering waves as he extricated himself from the smoking pod, hissing savagely every time he touched the white hot metal.

He scrambled over the searing pod surface and leapt to the floor, screaming and beating at himself with his clawed hands to try and stop the pain on his arms and legs. The ground was cool, almost cold against his bare back, and he rolled to try and put as much of the feeling on his body as possible. Ishk laid down spread-eagled on the floor for longer than he cared to think about, until his brain finally overrode his panic at being burned.

He felt at the ground beneath him, knowing the texture as the old tile used in the spaceport. He sat up, wincing at his burn wounds and taking a look around him for the first time.

It was dead.

Not a single soul walked the floor of the flight deck. No one to check on the random pod that had burst through the ceiling to crater into the floor. He frowned slowly, finding this beyond odd as he stood and steadied himself. The light desert breeze brushed across the raging fires from his escape pod, a massive hole in the ceiling where he'd smashed through allowing him to see the stars above.

He left the blazing fires to consume his escape pod, shambling further into the flight deck's poorly lit entry hall. Dread came over him slowly, increasing with every step he took without seeing another being.

_No one? Even at night, aliens run around. Where are lights? Air too cold. Broken machine somewhere?_

Ishk's thoughts bounced from one radical idea to another in some vain attempt to come up with a reason for their absence. His mind still swirled around in a flurry of stupid ideas, until he tripped over something lying in the middle of the dark hall. He screamed when he landed on one of his burned arms, but fell silent once he realized what he'd stumbled over. It looked like an arm.


	10. World Comes Crashing Down

Scrambling backwards from the source of his fall, Ishk peered into the poorly lit hallway behind him to get a better look. It was a body, of that much he was certain. Once his heart stopped pounding quite so furiously, he leaned in close enough to discover it was a vorcha.

His eyes widened at this revelation, and he didn't even bother to check if the man still lived. He jumped back to his feet, terror lending his tired muscles strength as he sprinted towards the interior of the school. The further in he went the more he fought to keep some semblance of sanity.

The once beautiful academy walls were pockmarked and chipped from mass accelerator rounds, the asari tapestries and carpets that adorned the supports charred beyond recognition. A thin cloud of smoke hung over the rooms from the fire that had apparently spread, and bodies littered the ground all around him. Some were familiar faces; asari teachers and students he'd grown up around, dock workers and miners, even a dead krogan Blood-Pack recruiter at one point.

Ishk slowed in his sprint, coming to a walk and then a standstill as his mind reeled.

_I wasn't here. Left them all... _

His eyes roamed over the destroyed entry hall, and he went into a state of mental shock. It took him a moment to realize he was moving, that he walked through the center of the isle amongst the dead as if on autopilot. His mind seemed far too blank, his body too numb for it to be normal, but he no longer cared.

Walking over broken glass, burnt bodies and spent thermal clips, Ishk finally entered the learning center. The circular room seemed oddly intact considering the damage outside, and he deadpanned around with his eyes half lidded. The ground beneath his feet felt covered in a layer of ash, and the sound of his clawed feet scraping across the ground filled the room.

He walked past the rooms that had housed him and the other vorcha with a kind of detached indifference. He couldn't have explained the feeling he had that moment if his life depended on it, but he wanted- No, _needed _to see what had happened. His body seemed compelled to walk through every room, look at every cold, lifeless face that looked up at him. He ingrained every tormenting sight into his brain with a brutal kind of determination. Somewhere deep down, he felt he deserved it.

When he finally came across Allyna's personal quarters, he stopped and ran a hand down the shattered door frame. It had been forced open by something of incredible strength, and his glance inside drained what energy he had left.

The office was a mess. The desk in the middle thrown to one side, cabinets smoldering and clouding the room in smoke and books scattered everywhere. He hardly saw any of it over the carnage on the floor near the back. Dead vorcha students, all in a haphazard pile of limbs and silent screaming faces that spoke of horror in their final moments. Next to them, lay Mama Ally.

Or at least, what was left of her.

Ishk stared at the corpse, and wondered what the shrill noise he heard was until he realized it as himself. He screamed in pain, a wordless shriek that brought him to his knees beside her body. Before he even registered moving he was cradling her torso, ignoring the missing limbs and horrible gashes that marred her beautiful face.

He only stopped for a quick breath before wailing again, losing control of all his motor skills and brain functions. Mucus poured from the olfactory senses on his forehead, and drool began to puddle on the bloody clothes his mother wore. He tried to squeeze his eyes shut and block out her rictus of pain, but he could only stare back and rock her in his arms.

"I tried to get back! I-I fight to save you! But, but …."

He lost the ability to speak over the pain and screamed until no sounds came out. His throat ached, and his jaw worked soundlessly. His fiery red eyes remained dry as he stared back soundlessly, looking into her glazed expression as though his sheer force of will could bring her back.

His hands were covered in purple blood, and he brought his head down to rest on her chest.

"I sorry, Mama," Ishk rasped into her dress with a muffled sob. "Ishk sorry."


	11. Forgiveness

Ishk stood before the flames, an orange glow engulfing him as he watched on silently. The smell didn't bother him much, but it wasn't the smell that had him in a state of perpetual emotional shock. His gaze followed the flickering flames in mild fascination as his mind tried to blank out the corpses turning into ash. He found it difficult to look away, and not for the first time he wondered if this was even appropriate.

_Aliens burn bodies, right? They bury them too, but floor too hard. Mama Ally not mind now, anyway._

For a long time after he'd found her body, Ishk had simply sat dumbfounded. He'd had no idea where to go, what to do or why he should keep going at all. He'd began piling their bodies in the main lobby, more for something to keep his mind from focusing too much on the hurt than a real purpose. Seeing them all in one bloodied lump, however, had only made it worse, and he'd decided he didn't want to see them anymore.

Another gout of flame from his flamer kept the bonfire going, as what little kindling he'd managed to find had long since disappeared in the heat. Ishk sat down heavily on a marble bench, his eyes still watching his friends and family burn while he exhaled softly. He thanked himself for having the foresight to put Mama Ally on the bottom of the pile, as if he saw her now ...

_That pretty face contorted in pain and horror, compounded by the warping image of flames, as her skin melted from the bone_...

"Would have no mind left to lose," Ishk murmured to himself, letting his gaze drift down to his empty and scratched up palms. _Why? I did everything I could. Everything mama teach, everything general say, and still everyone die. Not even a chance to say goodbye to mama before... _Ishk sniffed back some of the mucus beginning to seep from his olfactory senses in his forehead and wiped what he could off with the back of his hand.

He moved to wipe the snotty slime on the bench, but hesitated when he heard her voice in his head.

_No, Ishk. We don't wipe things on other peoples belongings. Use a tissue._

"Yes, mama Ally." He stood from the bench and moved towards the remains of the restroom, leaving the smoldering pile behind without a backward glance. Ishk ignored the chipped and battered walls as if they were still the pristine ones he'd left behind, and grabbed the nearest tissue between two claws. He carefully removed it from the box on the half shattered sink, and dabbed at his forehead and hands to dry them off. Deciding it would be best if he took the box with him, just in case, Ishk left again to go back through Allyna's office.

He shouldered past the mashed door, a box of tissues under one arm and a dead eyed expression as he looked over the bloodstained room. He went through books, shelves of old antiques, all her belongings, looking for anything he could use. The desk still sat overturned on one side of the office, and he knelt down to begin going through the drawers. Without any idea of what he was looking for, it took a while to parse through the unreadable papers and useless art pieces before he found something interesting.

A small sealed box sat in the back of one drawer, the dusty texture of the surface felt both fuzzy and firm at the same time. He frowned, the first expression he'd had for hours before sitting down on his rear heavily with his legs outstretched in front of him. He worked at the clasp in determination, picking at it until the tiny bolt slid from the lock and let him open it. He had to squint at first, as his eyes were still burning from smoke and snot.

The box only measured to the length of his palm, but the item inside surprised him so badly he choked on his own spit in surprise. A tiny bronze rectangle shone back at him brightly, his own reflection looking surprisingly terrible as he read the flowing script etched into its front.

_Ishk'Itar_

_A name tag? _His mind reeled and his hand shook visibly, disbelief turning his limbs numb. _She had my name tag done... She only gave those to the smart ones. Ones ready to leave the school for the citadel and talk to aliens for vorcha. She said it was like what aliens called a, Die-ploom-ah._

With still-shaking hands, Ishk gently took the name tag from its niche and held it close to his face for inspection. It had little pins on the back, sharp sticks made to pierce clothing protruding out. He had no clothing that such a pin would work on, though, and he frowned again in frustration. After a minute of deep thought, he had the genius idea of pinning it through his own chest skin, only to find his skin too tough for it.

Chuffing dejectedly, Ishk carefully put the nametag back into the box and closed it. He ran a thumb over the soft fuzzy material on the outside in childlike delight, before putting the box into a pocket on his armor and leaving the room once more.

He'd thought about just finding a gun left over from the fighting and ending it all more than once in the last few hours. The idea had seemed not only viable, but a mercy if he couldn't get off the planet or find some food. He knew his body would adapt as best it could to his not eating, and that it would likely drag out his death for a few more weeks if he didn't do something about it. Now, however, he was no longer so sure he was willing to allow this to pass.

His face took on a determined set as he stalked past the smoldering bodies and towards the hangar bay, and he did not let himself see the carnage all around him on his way past.

Mama Ally had believed in him, had been ready to give him the highest honor one of his species could bear, and he was not about to simply let all she had done die in a single fleeting gunshot. The fact that she had kept it, even after he'd left her without so much as a note, warmed his blood to a slow boil. He would always love her, but she could not help him anymore.

_Might be ship in hangar still, and if not, I will build one._


End file.
