Sherlock 1. Chapter 1

_**This is my first fan fiction that is steeped in horror and tragedy hope my readers like it and your reviews will be appreciated!**_

John Watson wasn't the man he remembered being a year ago, the very exact year that his life started to fall apart and his mind started to twist and turn into something ugly and obscene.

_**Sherlock**_

That name said it all, it explained everything that was happening to him and the cause of his pain and suffering.

The death of the one named _**Sherlock.**_

Remembering that name caused John to cry out in the darkness of his new room he now occupied his hand coming up clenched to beat at his head as if he was trying pummel all those awful memories from his mind.

But, losing them frightened him even more and he stopped.

Sherlock's death had rocked his world more than he could have imagined john had never once been one to be afraid of death himself at one point he considered it to be something that once could not avoid that in the end it would come for all.

Yet, never for a moment did he think it would have come for the man he loved.

The day he met Sherlock was one he could never forget the man was completely brilliant.

Mad but Brilliant.

For the first time in his life John who seemed to be drowning in boredom day after day felt like color and excitement punched him full force in the face when he was with Sherlock.

Running, laughing, and always watching as his constant companion solved the problems of the world on a whim just so he could cure his own boredom.

At first John couldn't understand his growing feelings for Sherlock the man brilliant he may have been but especially when the detective became bored John wanted to wrap his companions scarf around the other man's neck and choke him into unconsciousness.

He realized his feelings ran deeper than just friendship when they went to investigate a case concerning an expensive hairpin when they bumped into an old classmate of Sherlock's who thought he was being funny by picking on the detective.

The only thing John remembered was having to restrain himself from breaking the man's face in and politely and calmly told him to fuck off.

He knew unlike most people emotions just didn't register with Sherlock so he figured to save the man some grieve and confusion he would keep his feelings to himself.

It was for the best he had told himself.

Oh how wrong he was, he shook his head violently and dragged himself up into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

His face was blank but hot tears streamed down his cheeks scalding them.

They day that Sherlock died he had went back to the flat locked the door, stripped off his clothes and went to Sherlock's room.

The scent of the other man hit him so hard that it drove him to his knees at the edge of the bed, he had buried his face in the white sheets and started bawling like a child.

Again this had been only a year ago.

John knew the minute he had woke up the next day his mind was slowly, silently starting to decay.

He was going mad but he didn't care the madness was all he had left, along with the memories that plagued his mind at every waking second of the day.

In the outside world he may have been still grieving but that was expected but not the decay of his mind he took pains every day when he faced the outside to hide his slow descent into hell with amazing efficiency.

At first his decline didn't start off that bad; every time he went to visit Sherlock's grave his mind would wonder at the thought of coming back in the middle of the night, digging up his los loves grave and just laying down beside his rotting corpse, kissing his lips, murmuring off how he would never leave his side again.

The dark thoughts at first scared him, kept him up for days, yesterday was the first day he realized how bad he really was he was slipping and he knew it.

Molly oh sweet Molly she had stopped by to see him yesterday afternoon she had seen the shadows lurking behind his eyes. She had seen and she hadn't run.

"She should have run. Why didn't she run?" John murmured to himself.

A loud ring sounding from the side table caused John to jump a little in surprise he snatched his phone from the table and read the screen.

_**MYCROFT**_

Reading that name did cause John's heart to race in dread so instead of pushing the ignore button he answered.

"Hello" he answered groggily pretending to have been asleep.

"John sorry to catch you at an afternoon doze"

John yawned "No problem I was just getting up anyway so what can I do for you Mycroft?"

"I was wondering if you were free for lunch today."

That caused alarm bells to start ringing in the back of Johns head.

"Lunch" he intoned.

"Yes lunch I would like to catch up"

John didn't believe that for a second and the lie was so blatant he knew that Mycroft knew that he knew he was lying.

"Umm well you sort of-" he was cut off when Mycroft told him to hold on for a minute.

John and anyone who knew Mycroft knew that the older Holmes brother never wanted to catch up with anyone.

He was just like his brother he had no great love of human interaction but unlike Sherlock Mycroft did so because it was part of his job.

"Now where was I. Oh yes catching up if you can't meet me I would be happy to drop by at the flat"

John grimaced he knew that would be a disaster waiting to happen.

He sighed quietly and forced a fake smile on his face and spoke through gritted teeth.

"No need to do that I need some fresh air anyway"

"Wonderful!" Mycroft exclaimed and gave John the address and told him he would send a car for him in an hour.

John pushed end on the phone and pushed himself up chunking his cellular on the bed.

He sighed he had no desire to leave Sherlock's room today...well his room now.

He just wanted to lay there and wallow it was a wallowing day.

But he got up and moved he hated leaving the room he kept the windows closed, drapes shut, and even the door locked when he left the flat.

No one was allowed in that room not even Ms. Hudson.

He told Molly as much but like always the girl never listened. She should have listened.

"She should have listened, listened and ran" he whispered to himself without realizing it.

He closed the door behind him as he went to the hallway and flinched when his bare foot stepped into a puddle of something cold and congealed.

"Must remember to clean that up before Ms. Hudson see's" he wondered aloud.

John entered the bathroom and flipped on the switch to be bathed in a harsh light.

He looked like shit warmed over he needed a shave and a shower.

He went to the tub where the bath curtain was pulled closed.

Without, hesitation he drew back the curtain and looked down to see Molly's bloody body staring lifelessly up at him.

Her mouth opened up in a silent scream.

The right side of her face was caved in and a part of her skull shone beneath the torn skin.

John just stared at her with his head cocked lightly to the side, when he had killed her he had felt such guilt he really like Molly.

She had been a bright girl. To bright.

He grunted when he grabbed her by the hair and pulled her out of the tub and onto the floor where she lay on her side staring at the door he had kicked shut.

He didn't even spare her an extra glance as he stripped, turned on the shower, and waited for the water to get warm.

When the water reached the right temperature he climbed into the tub and sighed when the warm water rushed over his cool skin.

The fleeting thought of getting rid of Molly's body did cross his mind then disappeared as he started humming a soft tune that Sherlock once had written.

_**So please let me know how you like this story I will add more chapters if many like it.**_


	2. Chapter 2

John felt the scalding hot water rush over his body and to any other person it would have had the tiptoeing in pain as the scalding droplets rushed over their skin but to John the water could have been ice cold and he wouldn't have cared all that much.

Nowadays getting up and attending to the daily chores of everyday life just seemed to be pointless to John but to keep up pretenses he forced himself to take care of his personal needs.

Bathing while he rather just lay in his own filth for hours on end, eating when his food turned to ash in his mouth, and smiling when it felt like his very being had been ripped from its core.

John swallowed hard and breathed deeply the steam scalding his lungs and he something cold trickled down his face.

His tears. Without thinking his fist crashed into the wall beside him.

"_**Look at me! I'm dying on the inside and the only thing I can feel is tears freezing with sorrow**_" he screamed inside his head.

"No!" he said shaking his head roughly "No! I need to pull it together! Pull it together one slip up and Mycroft will figure out everything!"

He banged his fist one more at the wall and hurriedly began to wash himself trying to push the encroaching rot out of his mind if only for a while.

But, he knew that the spreading sickness inside him could be locked away but it would always be seeping through the cracks inside his mind.

He finished washing himself, turned off the water and stepped from the tub making sure he didn't accidently step in the once congealed blood now running cause of the steam in watery ripples from Molly's wound into her eyes making it seem even in death she was crying tears of sorrow.

"You stupid Girl. Stupid girl why couldn't you just walk away….walk away and leave me alone"

_**The Day Molly Died**_

_**John loved the way the dark felt as it folded around him he needed it, today he had tried to get up to move and once more plaster that mask he had worn for again and again but today he just couldn't do it…it was just too much.**_

_**Here in the darkness he came so close to utter oblivion. The door closed, shutters and blinds shut, at one point he had even blacked out the windows with black paint.**_

_**Here in this closed off room so dark memories of a dead love couldn't reach him, here tears no matter how cold would not come. **_

_**Here he felt at peace but that peace was shattered with something thunderous pounded at the front door.**_

_**He ignored it, it was probably Ms. Hudson trying to pester him again.**_

_**BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!**_

"_**John! John! Damnit John Watson open the bloody door!" a voice clearly not Ms. Hudson's yelled as it continuing to pound on the door.**_

_**John sat up slowly in the bed and was met with darkness when he opened his eyes.**_

"_**Molly" he thought "That sounds like Molly if I just ignore her maybe she'll leave"**_

_**BOOM! BOOM! **_

"_**Damnit John!"**_

_**John licked his lips and bit his lip in irritation as he staggered from the bed he fumbled towards the door where he had left his robe pulling it up and over him as he gave a soft growl when a low light hit his eyes.**_

_**He hurriedly shut the door behind him and breathing hard went to the front door which molly was still banging away at.**_

_**He took a deep calming breath as he unlocked the door and swung it open to see Molly in mid knock and a peeved expression on her face.**_

"_**Finally!" she sighed exasperated.**_

"_**Well hello to you to Molly" he murmured through clench teeth.**_

_**The peeved expression left her face as she hurriedly pushed passed him into the apartment.**_

_**John could feel a headache coming on as the young redhead turned around with a suspicious look on her face.**_

"_**Are you alright John you seem a little pale?"**_

_**John sighed "I'm sorry Molly but I'm just not in the mood to entertain today so can we save this visit for another time"**_

_**Molly put her hands on her hips and frowned at him "No we can't I'm worried about you John you seem to be a little out of it lately"**_

_**John clenched at the collar of his robe the pounding at his head a little more noticeable.**_

"_**I'm fine" he smiled.**_

"_**Hah don't try to pull one over my eyes John ever since Sherlock died I've seen something that's worried me?"**_

_**His heart speed up a little bit as he stood by the door.**_

_**He ignored her statement "Where is Ms. Hudson she can't be here if you resorted to banging on my door"**_

"_**She wasn't here when I can in probably running errands, but back to what I was saying"**_

_**John raised his hand to cut her off "Look like I said I'm not up to talking today and your just imagining things I'm fine I just need time"**_

_**He wanted to say he needed time to get over Sherlock's death but saying his name was too painful and not only that but he knew getting over the other man's death was out of the question.**_

"_**Please just talk to me John I know Sherlock was your best friend and to me….well" she got an embarrassed look on her face.**_

_**John looked at her the hesitation in her voice made his heart stutter and the pain in his head grow sharper.**_

"_**Well I was in love with him not that he ever noticed me…Heh…before that day I had planned to tell him –"**_

"_**Shut up!" John roared causing Molly to jump in surprise.**_

"_**Just shut up and get out now! I can't….mmmm! Get out!" he roared again.**_

"_**John I'm sorry what did I say I –" she stopped as she watched the man before her grab his head in pain and lean against the door frame breathing hard something on his face made something in her head click.**_

_**She covered her mouth with both hands in surprise "Oh god you loved him didn't you?"**_

_**Something in John's mind seemed to snap "Get out Molly" he whispered harshly "Please leave before something happens I'll end up regretting later"**_

_**Molly became uneasy but she pushed on "John I'm sorry I didn't have a clue but I understand your pain please let's just talk. I know we can go sit in Sherlock's old room and have a nice chat" she smiled and moved towards the room.**_

_**That sent him over the each no one and he meant no would invade his safe place their safe place.**_

_**The headache he felt doubled and the pressure behind him started to pound at his eyes and sent his world swirling in dark colors…**_

_**The main color was red.**_

_**His body moved of its own accord and he grabbed the closest thing at hand, it was a fossilized skull that had the consistency of stone.**_

_**Molly turned around her eyes growing comically wide as the skull came crashing down catching her across the temple.**_

_**She screamed and that caused the colors to swirl deeper and the pain to rip through his brain.**_

_**He screamed too.**_

"_**YOU WILL NOT TOUCH THAT DOOR! YOU WHORE! HE WAS MINE YOU HAVE NO CLUE OF MY PAIN! I LOVE HIM! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!" he screamed bringing the skull down again and again on Molly's head he could fill her hot blood splattering his face and when she had stopped screaming did he drop the skull and fall to his knees next to molly a girl that he had once called friend.**_


	3. Alert!

**Sorry about not updating in awhile thi ssemester has been really hetic along with work but I have been writing for all my stories and will post all May 1st. And, if I post some early then I hope you enjoy!**


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