Lost 1. Chapter 1

This is to all the dummies and the Jaters. Its not finished and I'm only giving it to you guys chapter by chapter. I wrote this a little before and a little after Locke Down so forgive me if some of my info is a little incorrect by then…. Without further ado here's my Jack/ JATE fan fiction…

**The Storm**

"Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty three, forty two, four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty three, forty two, four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty three, forty two, …" Jack goes to room number one hundred and eight to a patient the nurse briefed him on as a "mental patient" who has gotten really sick with a mysterious disease. As he walks down the hallway he thinks to himself "Oh, great another late night dealing with a homeless schizophrenic." He had planned dinner at eight o clock with Sarah at the French restaurant she loved so much but now it seemed like he was going to have to cancel. As he reached room number one hundred and eight he looked at the briefing the nurse gave him. As he looks at the briefing he sees the name Lenny Smith on the top with symptoms of hallucinations and high fever with ramblings of bad luck, some numbers and the others. Jack enters the room as the light flickers. It has been happening all night since the storm started. Jack sees raindrops all over the room's window with complete darkness outside. The lights flicker back on.

"Good evening Mr. Smith, I hear you are experiencing an unusual high fever." The man ignores Jack and continues to chant the same numbers he's been chanting all night and rocks back in fourth in his bed. Jack checks his vitals. He pages the head nurse over as he steps out realizing this patient should have been given to psych and never should have been directed his way. This was not his order of expertise and he was quite frustrated none of the nurses caught this sooner. "Yes, Doctor Sheppard" said the head nurse Barbara Coonie. Jack didn't particularly like Nurse Coonie. She was older than the guy that shot Lincoln and she was due to retire but she just wouldn't leave the hospital for some reason. "Nurse Coonie, why am I being paged to take care of a patient who obviously belongs in psych?" Barbara sighed and rolled her eyes "Because psych is full right now and we have no where else to put him because of the storm." Jack sighed with frustration. Tonight was not the night he wanted to look over a psych patient. His morning started on call at four thirty in the morning when his father paged him about scrubbing in for him for a particularly long complicated surgery. His father had once again spent an all nighter at some hole in the wall bar and although it killed his father to admit it, this time he knew he couldn't perform surgery and had to ask for Jack's help. So once again it was up to good old Jack to pick up the pieces.

When he had left that morning so early he could feel Sarah curled up next to him. He didn't want to leave her. Not again. This was the fourth night in a row he would spend an eighteen-hour day at work. He knew this bothered her and it bothered him too. He rationalized it, as she knew what she was getting when she married him. She knew Jack loved his job. He loved helping people. He loved challenges. He loved fixing things. He also knew though that once he married Sarah his busy work schedule would have to slow down. He actually had great dinner reservations planned. Afterwards they would do the usual. Go to a movie and go back to bed. He would take off the next day and go jogging with her in the morning. He would then come home and make coffee and breakfast for both Sarah and he, read the comics to her especially the love is comic and take the better part of that Saturday exchanging stories about work with each other. Something was missing though. Something was wrong. Something he couldn't put his finger on. Something in their marriage was not right. Was this how you were supposed to feel when you got married? Was this what married life was like for everyone? Whenever these types of questions would come up in Jacks mind the most annoying questions would come after them. Did you marry Sarah out of pity? Sure you loved her and cared about her but something was missing. Then he would stop. He would shove those offal thoughts out of his head. He loved Sarah. She was smart, attractive, witty, sweet, she loved kids and loved him. Was he crazy?

What was his father's surgery and now was his took four and a half hours. Despite Jacks most hardworking attempts it seemed like the patient was practically dead before he got there. Jack was just Hoping for the best in trying to revive the dead. After all he did save Sarah's life and that was a miracle within itself. The man died leaving Jack to break the news to his grieving wife a woman who looked similar to Sarah. She was about the same age. They had about the same body type and similar hair but the face was not the same. Immediately Jack thought of Sarah. It was hard for him to hold back the tears when he thought of this.

After the surgery was done he had a fifteen-minute coffee break and then he was paged again. Apparently there was a five-car pile up in the expressway from the messiness in the roads from the storm. The confusion, madness, craziness, and sadness were unbearable, but Jack seemed to work his best under pressure. It seemed like all the events in his life were preparing him for something but he didn't know what. Not only being a doctor either but also his father issues, Sarah, etc. After the car pile up stuff cleared up he gets the page from the nurse about the psych patient that was not supposed to be his. His night was supposed to be finally over. Talking to nurse Barbara he completely did not acknowledge Dave's rambling's about the numbers. He just figured he was one of those compulsive people that repeated things a lot. He knew everything about medicine and conditions but for some reason the technical name slipped his mind at the moment. He was too tired and frustrated to care about the numbers or even the patient at this time.

Jack had too much on his mind. The death that happened in his E.R, the pile up on the road, worrying about his fathers continued downward spiral into alcoholism, his emotionless marriage to Sarah, and the mess it was going to be to get home in the storm. The last thing on his mind was an obviously crazy patient that came in with a slight fever. He was so tired he had to sit down. He was about to sit take a nap in a chair when heard someone calling his name "Jack! Jack! Wake up!" As Jack woke up he saw the swollen, blood shot red eyes of his father. "Jack your obviously beat. I'm sorry. I had a really bad stomachache earlier and was puking all night. I'm better now though. I'm sorry about your surgery though Barbara told me about the death. There was nothing you could have done son…" "No, I could have saved him had I had more time and more knowledge of his history like you did I…" Shouted Jack. "Calm down Jack. Everything is okay. I'm sorry I took a sick day off of work." His father said sarcastically. "You know damn well that is not why you scrubbed in for surgery this morning!" Jack said, angry as all hell and not patient today to sit through one of his fathers many lies about being an alcoholic. "Ask your mother Jack. I was throwing up all night with the stomach flew…" "So that's what they call hangovers these days huh?" Jack said with a sour jab. "Jack, I didn't come over here to argue with you. I came here to take over your shift. You should be home now with Sarah. I will take over your patients the rest of the night." His father said this smugly as if this made up for all of his antics. At this point Jack didn't have the strength to argue with his dad. He was already a half hour late for dinner with Sarah, traffic would be another hour in this kind of weather. He would miss dinner with Sarah and barely make it for the movie if he was lucky.

Jack decides he is already pretty late and a short nap in the chair won't kill him. Jack dozes off in the chair while his father and nurse Barbara go in to check on crazy Dave. The way the nut job was repeating the numbers over and over again made his sleepier.

Suddenly the loud hatch alarm goes off and Jack wakes up startled from the couch hearing Locke repeat the numbers as he frantically plugs them into the ancient computer. The alarm shuts down. As Jack groggily gets up Locke is staring right at him not letting him get past him. Locke is pist and ready for a showdown with Jack…..


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two 

Locke pushed Jack back down to the couch. His face mean as hell. "You might think that hitting that button every one hundred and eight minutes is pointless, but I don't; I entrusted you with a simple job, if you couldn't handle it you should have told me! Locke growled. Jack tried to get past Locke again to ignore him and once again Locke pushes him down to the couch forcefully. Jack had finally had enough; he got up and tackled Locke to the ground. He grabbed Locke by the shirt, shoved his heal against the ground. "If you ever shove me again and threaten me like that ever again I will make sure you don't live to push that button again. Do you understand me Locke?" Jack looked Locke in the eyes. Staring down at him for a couple of seconds it seemed as if they were having a starring contest, Jack still holding tightly Locke's shirt. Grinding his teeth finally Locke moved his eyes to look away from Jack. Jack still held on tightly to his shirt until he knew Locke absolutely knew he was serious. Finally Locke without verbally saying he understood physically through his body language gave in. Jack let go of Locke's shirt, got up, and then offered his hand to help Locke get up. Locke bitterly scolded Jack that he could do it by himself without anyone's help. Locke was visibly having trouble getting up. Jack couldn't understand why. He knew he knocked him down hard but not that hard. Jack became worried. "Locke don't be so stubborn, let me help…" "I said I didn't need your help, you knocked the wind out of me that's all, I can get up on my own give me a few seconds!" Locke finally slowly managed his way to the couch. Down came Ana Lucia with Libby and Mr. Eko behind her. "What's all the noise about?" Ana asked clearly worried. "Me and Locke just had a little misunderstanding that's all." Jack replied. "It sounded like a bar fight down here" said Libby. Locke exhausted on the couch sneered, " Jack almost let the timer go off. Had it gone off…" Jack bitterly interrupts "Had the timer gone off what Locke? What would exactly happen? The end of the world? The apocalypse? Y2K six years belated? What? Get a grip will you Locke! Ever since you found this hatch you have been out of your mind."

Jack had bit his tongue long enough about the situation. He didn't like or trust Locke much after Boone's death and after every thing that had been going down with the hatch and Henry. He decided to listen to Locke about the button all this time only because he wasn't stupid. As much as he didn't like or trust Locke, he knew he was essential for the castaway's survival. Locke was smart besides this button garbage. He knew a lot about nature. He could hunt, track, and was good with a gun and Jack knew this. Although the hatch had new supplies and food he knew ever since finding the supplies not to depend on them. If there was one thing that Jack knew it was that this island and especially the hatch was strange. There was also another reason he listened to Locke all this time. He knew Locke was loosing his mind and he wanted to keep a close eye on him. He knew the only way to do that was to listen to Locke and to comply with his crazy button theory.

That was then though, and this was now. He was fed up with Locke and his antics. Going behind his back and enlisting Ana to interrogate Henry was the last straw. She could have died along with Sayid and Charlie hunting for Henry's balloon and this was not the first time he put the castaways in danger for his crazy beliefs. The memory of Boone on his deathbed was still fresh in Jack's mind. Jack and Locke had finally calmed down enough where there was an awkward silence in the room. "Listen, Locke," Jack said emotionless "I'm done taking shifts, I'm done with it all. I quit. Find someone else to deal with this crap." Locke smiled eerily and said, "No problem Jack, you weren't very good at the job anyways! There is forty something other people on this island that can do that job a hundred times better than you." "Then good. For once we agree with each other on something." And with that Jack left the hatch with Ana and Libby leaving Locke alone on the couch with Eko staying behind.

As they were walking through the hatch hallway Libby broke the silence finally. "Strange weather we are having, huh? It's been raining three day's straight. It seems we might have to move all the people to the caves and some to the hatch seeing how the tide is coming in and the shelters are not that good for this type of weather." Jack liked this idea. Since the hatch most of the people forgot about the caves. They either resided on the beach or hung out in the hatch. The caves seemed like a perfect idea. "I think your right Libby, this storm seems mean and it doesn't seem like there is any end in sight. I say we move everyone to the caves. The tide is coming and we cannot afford to loose any of our possessions to the tide. Libby, I'm going to put you in charge of that while I'm gone." Both Libby and Ana looked at him stunned. Ana immediately asked, "Where are you going Jack?" "I need some alone time. From the moment the plane crashed I have been helping you guy's, saving your lives, dealing with my own issues and shock from the plane crash, and leading all these chiefs with very few Indians. I'm done. I need to take care of myself for a little while. I need to help me." Jack had been dealing a lot since before, during and after the crash. His father's death and the guilt he had about turning him in, the end of his marriage to Sarah, what happened with his mother. All this was just what he was dealing with before the crash. No one thought he was suffering and in shock and in panic and just as clueless as the rest of them after the crash as the rest of them. That's because he tried not to show it. But at this point he was tired of the ignorance on the island. He had become the de facto leader of the group. Whenever a strange occurrence or problem happened he was there. Whenever someone was sick, hurt or dying he was the one helping him or her. Even though he didn't have to especially the way the majority treated him. He did all this with no thank you. It didn't even have to be a spoken thank you but to just acknowledge what he was doing for them by sometimes listening to him when he asks them something to do. But not with this group. Too many chiefs and not enough Indians. They all had their own agendas. Besides the obvious delusional Locke, he had Charlie who at this point looked like he was going back on a downward spiral into drug addiction and he was just as crackers as Locke. Jack also had Sayid who after loosing Shannon was loosing his mind with grief and the thirst for revenge. There was Michael who has also gone mad looking for Walt who was kidnapped by the others. There was Kate who was independent (which he loved about her) but didn't help his situation much when he's trying to keep her safe. Ana who is also thirsty for revenge and grieving after accidentally killing Shannon and after all the tail section survivors went through. He couldn't understand Jin and Sun who he could always depend on to help him but they had there own problems it seemed like they were hashing through. Claire had Aaron to take care of and all the stress the others put her through when she was kidnapped. The point is almost everyone had their own agenda and none of them were even remotely listening to him. He had had enough.

Before the plane crash he would have accepted the full plate he had and would grin and bear it but not today. He was letting go of that feeling he had that he always had to be the best. He always had to fix things. He always had to be dependable. He got this way from his father. Always expecting the absolute best from him and never accepting anything less. Always expecting perfection from him and always being disappointed because no matter what he did it was never good enough for his father. Always having to pick up his fathers pieces and then always having his mother tell him he should just grin and bear it. He just started to learn to let it go with the help of Kate and the island. Something about this island was changing him. He was scared of it, terrified of it, but also excited and looking forward to it. It was a weird feeling. One unfamiliar to him and it scared the hell out him.

Ana spoke up taking him out of his thought. "Jack your just going to leave camp like this alone? When will you be back? The storm is no time to try and take a walk to go and find yourself." "I have to. It has to be now or never. I have to do this or I am useless to the group." At this point they were outside the hatch and in hearing distance of Kate and Claire. Kate was playing with Aaron in their tent when she overheard. She suddenly turned pale white. Her face went from a huge grin to a sad worried look. "You can't possibly be crazy enough to go out on your own in the jungle during this storm" Kate said worried. "Don't worry about me I can take care of myself. I have been doing it long enough…" he suddenly stopped when he saw Kate's heart broken face. Her eyes misty although she tried to hide it by ignoring it. Him and Kate had been hot and cold since she decided not to listen to him about the trek to find Michael and the others. It wasn't that she was upset that she didn't listen to him. He loved that she was independent. It is one of the reasons he cared about her. It was because that night when he saw her tied up with a potato sack on her head captured by the others. It was that reason exactly he didn't want her to come. He cared about her too much to allow her to get hurt. He knew she could take care of herself but he still had the need to want to protect her. Kate was the only thing keeping him sane on this island. From the moment he met her he knew there was something about her he connected to. She was his life support on the island. The one person he could be real with on the island although she was not ready to be completely real with him yet. She accepted his good qualities along with his flaws and imperfections. He felt truly at peace and comfortable around her. That's why he had to separate from her after she got captured by the others. It's why he couldn't allow himself to get that close to her again. That's why he needed distance from her. If anything happened to her he would be crushed. He couldn't open himself to that kind of pain. Which meant he had to close himself up to those kinds of feelings for her. He had to. It was unbearable though. Being with Kate just seemed so natural to him. But for the sake of himself he had to stay away his logical mind told him although his emotions felt differently. That night while looking for Michael and the possibility of him loosing her was too much to bear and because he knew how Kate naturally is (stubborn, independent, and always on the run) qualities he loved but couldn't handle on this strange dangerous island. His logical mind decided to cut those feelings out.

After seeing Kate's face he told her not to worry about him. That he would return and all he needed was time to think. Some time away from camp. "Then I'm going with you and your not talking me out of it" Kate demanded. Jack was not in the mood to argue but he was not budging on the subject. He was leaving camp alone without her. "Kate please don't fight me on this. I need this for me. Please understand this. I can't argue about this right now. I am going now on my own please don't follow me." He hated the words coming out of his mouth but he knew they were for the greater good. Kate disappointedly agreed. She told him to be careful and they shared a warm good bye.

Jack was headed to his tent to get supplies. It was raining so hard he was soaked. His tent was also covered in rain and the top of his tent was coming down from all the heavy rain resting on top of it. As he was going through his things he grabbed a flashlight, some matches in case he needed a fire, a knife he kept from Locke, and a gun he had kept hidden from Sawyer for safety under the sand. He was missing his poncho he had found one day while looking in dead peoples luggage for supplies. He couldn't remember where he put it and he was frantically looking for it. It was cold, wet, and nasty out and he didn't feel like catching pneumonia. Finally he resolved it was not in his tent. He decided to look tent-to-tent to see if anyone had seen it.

Every tent he went to didn't have a clue where it went. Then he stopped by Sawyer's tent. Sitting smugly with his Harry Potter glasses on reading some obscure book with Jack's poncho on was Sawyer. How could he have been so stupid to have not checked here first? "Whatcha looking for Doc?" Sawyer hissed with an all too familiar smug and cocky grin to Jack by now. "Sawyer I don't have the patience or energy to deal with this right now. Give me back my poncho, I'm going into the jungle and need it." "How come you think it is your poncho?" ribbed Sawyer. "Because it was in my tent" Jack said aggravated. "But it is in my tent now so does that make it my poncho now?" Sawyer asked soaking up the attention he was getting from Jack. "I don't want to play your games Sawyer. Give it back!" "Or what? You and Apu going to torture me again? What are you going to give me to get this poncho back?" Sawyer asked. Jack wanted to say he would spare his pathetic life but he bit his lip as always. As Sawyer was continuing to bust his chops Jack shifted his eyes to the jungle. Something dark was watching them in the jungle. Then with a quick flash of lightning the face of the person appeared. The familiar face couldn't be! It just couldn't! When the lightning died down the face and the body disappeared into the jungle night. Jack shoved Sawyer aside not caring about the poncho anymore. He knew he had to follow the stranger in the dark. He knew he had to get answers from him. He had to get answers from his father…


	3. Chapter 3

**_Chapter 3_**

When Jack finally did wake up from the hospital chair he couldn't believe how long he was asleep. He looked at his watch and it was 9:00. He was already an hour late for dinner. It would take him another hour to get home which would eliminate the time he was supposed to make it to the movie they wanted to see. While driving home in the rain traffic took forever. While sitting in traffic all Jack could think about was how upset Sarah was going to be and how she was going to freak out on him about how much he was working and neglecting her. He knew she was absolutely right to feel so. She was putting one hundred percent into the relationship and he was lucky if he was putting fifty percent into it. He was angry with his father for his irresponsibility and his excuses. Traffic was moving at a snails pace and all he wanted to do was go home and apologize to Sarah. To tell her he would make it up to her. To tell her he would be taking some vacation time when her students went on vacation break so they would have time to get their relationship back on track.

He finally made it home. He saw Sarah's car in the driveway. He got out his keys and went inside. All the lights were off in the house. The house was quiet. This disturbed Jack. Sarah usually had something going on in the house at this time. She would either be reading, cooking, doing the dishes, or on the phone with either her mother or sister talking about the latest gossip. When he didn't see her in the bedroom, kitchen, living room, or bathroom he got worried. He decided to look in her office thinking maybe she decided to do some late night grading of her students papers. When he didn't find her there he became paranoid. Where is she? Her car is in the drive so she has to be home. She wouldn't go for a walk out in this weather. He even decided to look for her in the attic and the basement. No sign of Sarah. Right when he was about to call her cell phone his cell phone rang startling him. It was his father. He was in no mood to talk to him but he answered anyway. His dad was telling him that he had to get to the hospital immediately. His patient Lenny was having trouble and he needed Jack's help. As this was happening he could hear a car pull up to the curb and a door slam shut. He was about to run to the door but his father's rambling's distracted him. He told his dad that he was home and that he was not returning to work for a while and he would have to take care of the problem himself. He needed a vacation. His father kept stressing that he needed to see this patient but Jack didn't care. He said he was taking a brief break and would discuss the case when he got back to work. This was his and Sarah's time now.

Sarah came into the house soaked and wet and very shocked to see Jack home. Jack had parked inside the garage instead of the driveway and Sarah was obviously not expecting him. "Surprised to see me?" Jack asked. "Well you didn't show up for dinner or the movie do I assumed it was another long night." "Who dropped you off?" Jack asked. "Um…" her eyes were not able to look at Jack's eyes. "My mother dropped me off". "We decided to see the movie we didn't see together." "Oh" Jack said. "Why didn't your mother stop in? We could have had some coffee and cake and caught up on some things." "She was not feeling well after the movie and wanted to go to bed." Sarah timidly responded. "You seem to forget I'm a doctor" Jack joked. But this was not funny to Sarah who was visibly upset. "How could I forget what you do for a living? Your married more to your job than you are to me!" Sarah cried. "I don't want to fight tonight Sarah. I'm sorry I was late. My father got drunk again last night and I had to take care of his patients, the storm caused a lot of problems on the road, and just recently I had a psych patient come in that I left with my father to come to see you. I just arranged some much needed vacation time. School is ending for you so I think we should take a vacation. I was thinking Thailand because a friend said Phuket is really beautiful." Sarah's eyes were still misty from crying. She was visibly biting her lip. She had something she wanted to say. He could tell that she was angry and upset but she also looked like she wanted to tell him something. She had a guilty look on her face. He wasn't going to press it on her though. They both looked like they had rough days and all he wanted to do were go to bed with her by his side. "I think we should go to Thailand" Sarah said with a forced smile. "I think all we need is some vacation time and some alone time with each other." Jack pulled her into his chest, hugged her and kissed her on her forehead. "I promise things will get better. Things will slow down. You know I care about you Sarah, don't you?" Sarah paused for a second. "I love you too and I know you care about me." They cleaned up then went to bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**_Chapter 4_**

Sawyer wasn't done taunting Jack. "Where are you going Dugey Hauser? Don't you want you poncho? You look like you just saw a ghost…?" Jack completely ignores Sawyer; he is completely fixated on the image of his father that suddenly seemed to disappear into the jungle. He told himself "Not this again." He figured he needed some rest He had been exhausted. Between dealing with Henry, Locke, Sawyer, Sayid, Claire with her baby, Sun being pregnant and everything else he had enough. But the image of his father was so clear and so real he had to see where it went. He had to know for sure.

As he left Sawyer alone and disappointed because he couldn't get a rise out of Jack he entered the jungle with his backpack behind him. The rain was pouring hard as he entered the thick of the jungle. He continued going east thinking that was the direction the image went. He turned on his flashlight wishing it wasn't raining because he wanted to use his matches to light his torch because it was brighter and he didn't have to waste the battery of the flashlight. Moving past the trees and bushes it was very quiet. Eerily quiet. Besides the thunder from the storm and the pit pat sounds of the rain hitting the ground it was completely silent. Usually there was always some kind of jungle noises but now nothing, which was odd. He figured because of the storm the animals and insects decided to hide from the storm. In that moment he had a little jolt of fear. If the jungle was afraid of this storm maybe him and the others should take this storm a little bit more seriously too. He saw something on The National Graphic station about how animals know before a natural disaster to run and hide from it. He put this in the back of his mind because right now all he cared about was finding his father. As he continued to for farther though he couldn't help though to take his mind to other places. As he realized he should have stay back and fought Sawyer for his poncho because he could see that he probably will get really sick for not dressing appropriately for this kind of storm. He was pretty angry with Sawyer.

He didn't understand why Sawyer had to be the way he was. Since the crash he couldn't understand why he did everything he could to make an already sticky situation worse. Since stealing all the guns and medicine Jack was even angrier with him than usual. Getting the medicine back during the card game was important to Jack. He smiled on the inside that he conned the con man.

As Jack continued to go east he suddenly stopped. He hadn't seen his father's image in hours and this was starting to sink in that it was a little ridiculous to him. He finally realized he was going crazy on this island. To go in the middle of the night during a storm to go find his dead fathers image was nuts. He stopped for a rest at a small clearing. The rain was still coming down hard. He started to think of Michael and Walt and where they must be. He has been worried about the both of them since the guys on the raft returned without Walt and Michael went AWAL looking for him. He couldn't imagine what Michael must be going through surviving a plane crash with your son on a mysterious island and then having him kidnapped while your trying to get back home. Michael must be going out of his mind. He thought about since his father's trail went cold to go looking for him. Before the raft left he had grown close to Michael, but after the raft left and returned it seemed Michael became a different person. Jack had also lost Boone as a friend since his death and it seemed as if he was loosing sane people at camp he could trust except for Kate. And when she decided to follow them to find Michael and learn about the others he thought he lost her. He went for cover under a big tree from the rain.

Suddenly he heard some wrestling in the bushes. He gripped his gun and took notice of his knife immediately. His eyes searched everywhere his flashlight pointed since in this pitch-blackness he could see nothing. He saw nothing with his flashlight. Suddenly a rush of fear seemed like it was injected through his veins that was sent all over his body. "Anyone out there?" he called out bravely. "Who's out there? Michael is that you?" he shouted. He noticed he increasingly got a tighter grip on the gun as the seconds continued to go by without a response.

After five minutes of Jack staying under the tree looking frantically with his flashlight to see any signs of life beside himself he gave up and started hiking again. He went farther east this time but not to find his father rather to shake his fear. Before he left the tree though he did the trick he told Kate about when they first met. He counted to five to let the fear swallow him and after he counted to five he didn't allow the fear to take over. He resolved that whatever made those sounds was probably an animal in the jungle and he was just paranoid because he was alone in the jungle at night during a storm looking for his dead father's ghost.

As he continued to go east though he couldn't shake the feeling he was being followed. He was being observed. He was being stalked. Was it the image of his father? Michael? Walt? The monster that came after Locke? One of the other castaways following him? Maybe it was Kate again who decided not to listen again and follow him? He decided to keep on moving and ignore whatever it was. As he continued to go east he felt a rope tighten around his legs pulling him up, hanging him downwards on a tree. As he went up, his bag, flashlight, knife and gun went down with him. He was trapped, unable to move, and without his knife to cut him down he was at the mercy of whoever set the trap or who or what ever happens to find him first. Was this the doing of Rossusue? Did she set this boobie trap like she set the one that caught Henry? Was Rossusue the person who was stalking him? Only time would tell.

As much as he tried to escape the boobie trap he couldn't to save his life literally. The boobie was escape proof and whoever set it knew what they were doing. Finally he heard more noise but he couldn't figure out from where. It was pitch black. He called out "Is anyone there? Can someone help me? Anyone? Who's out there? I need help! Someone help me!" Suddenly flames went up everywhere like the time he challenged the apparent leader of the others about what they were going to do when they captured Kate.

The same guy with the baldhead appeared leaving the rest of his group hidden behind their torches in the jungle. Jack should have known. It completely slipped his mind that after a certain point him and the other survivor's were threatened by the mysterious others that if they crossed a certain point there would be trouble.

The man Sawyer nicknamed as "Zeke" finally spoke. "I thought we had a deal?" Zeke scolded. "You don't cross this point and we leave you alone." Jack thought carefully about this before he answered. "I know we had a deal but we are missing one of our survivors and his son and want to find them" Jack retorted. "I though you were told Michael was doing just fine last time we spoke?" Zeke answered back. "I know but that answer is not good enough for me. I want to know where my friend and his son went." Zeke obviously annoyed by this decided to pick up Jack's stuff on the ground including his gun and knife. "And you thought you were going to find them at our camp with these?" Zeke asked. "As you know this island seems to be a pretty mysterious and dangerous place. It doesn't hurt to protect yourself you know?" Jack answered back with an explanation he was satisfied with. Zeke tossed the bag and the other things to another shadow in the darkness. "Are you going to let me down from here?" Jack asked finally tired of the questions game and getting a headache from the blood rushing downward towards his head as he hung upside down. "Maybe in a little bit, first I have to ask you a few questions while we are all deciding to hang out" laughed Zeke "and some punishment for not following my instructions wouldn't hurt either." "What do you want to know asked Jack?" "Answer my questions first before I tell you anything!" Jack demanded. I don't think you are in any position right now to be the one to make the demands," Zeke said arrogantly. "Well, i'm not telling you anything until you at least let me down from this tree!" Jack shouted. "Alright boys let him down!" Zeke commanded. Jack finally fell to the ground hard, barely able to get up Zeke whacked him over the head with his gun knocking Jack out.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

When Jack got home to his house finally after another eighteen-hour day it was depressing. Sarah's belongings had already been moved out and the already to big to be lived in the house was even more empty now. He couldn't wait to sell the damn house. Everything about it reminded him of the failure of his marriage. As he was putting away his coat and placing his wallet and keys on the table he saw the already paid for airline tickets to Thailand he bought for himself and Sarah to go on vacation they planned months ago. He cringed as he looked at them. He and Sarah had an amazing time off to plan. They had all these dreams and now he knew they were going to just stay that, dreams. He figured he would just give the tickets away, maybe to a friend or relative. He didn't want to go on his own. I t would remind him of Sarah too much. He also wasn't one to go on vacations very much. It was more for the benefit of Sarah and his marriage than wanting time off. A vacation to him was no lying on the beach reading a book and getting a suntan. Nor was it going to do all the tourist things to do. He was happy being a busy man. He was happy always doing something. He loved his job no matter how hectic or draining it would be he could never see himself unwinding by doing nothing of importance. He loved his work. He loved helping people. But he had already reserved the time off and already had the tickets. He didn't know what to do.

Later he saw on TV the news saying a tsunami hit Phuket Thailand and dirt-poor people in Thailand who depended on trade needed doctors. That's when Jack decided to join doctors without borders. It's exactly what he needed to do. Work at what he loved to do with no pressure and far away from the life he had knew now. The next day he went to go sign up for it. Jack sold the house and the next day he was on a plane to Phuket Thailand.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

Backs at camp things were not looking pretty without the doctor. Aaron was screaming non-stop and Claire was doing everything in her power to quiet her down but nothing was working. Her fever was through the roof and her forehead was burning up. "Where did Jack go? I haven't seen him for the last three days and Aaron's fever is back with vengeance." Claire asked Kate within hearing distance of Charlie. "I haven't seen him since the storm and to tell you the truth I am worried about him too" Kate said sitting on the beach next to her favorite tree staring into the ocean worried. "Why didn't you go with? Usually you love to go on treks whenever someone has something to do?" Claire asked. "Because he asked me not to" Kate replied remembering how upset Jack was the last time she didn't listen to him and how long it took to regain his trust again. "What's wrong with Aaron?" Charlie wanted to know. "None of your concern or business anymore" Claire said sourly while cradling Aaron and moving away from Charlie with him following her close behind. Rose and Bernard were arguing on the beach. "Bernard, I told you to get that checked out before Jack left." "It was not a big deal then" Bernard shot back. "Well it's a big deal now isn't it?" Rose said not letting him get the last word. "What are the love birds quarreling about?" Hurley quipped. "I think he has severe migraines," Sayid said helping Ana make boobie traps for the camp for the others. It seemed another couple of lovebirds had problems in their nest too. Jin and Sun were arguing over at Sun's garden. Jin was pointing at Sun's garden and Sun's pregnant stomach. Presumably demanding that Sun not work in her garden while she is pregnant.

"Where are Doc and the other six Dwarfs?" Sawyer said to Hurley rubbing his sore shoulder still from the bullet wound. "I don't know," responded Hurley. "Why do you need Jack?" "I don't need anyone Hurley, especially of all people Jack. I just wanted him to check out my shoulder because it has been giving me trouble as of late. I thought as much that he owed me seeing how I let him win during poker," Sawyer said with a sly grin. "Whatever dude, Jack kicked your butt fair and square. Acceptance is the first step to recovery; I learned that in the ward. Maybe Jack can school you when he gets back" Hurley chuckled. "We all witnessed Jack kicking your ass in the game. In all seriousness though we need Jack to come back soon. I'm having a little problem rationing all the food." "What's the problem you purple teletubby? Threes enough food to feed an army in that Hatch. Not even you could eat all that food Pillsbury" Sawyer said rudely. "Hey its not me that's eating all that food you frog killer. At this rate we will be out of food in a month, two months tops if we ration the food right as soon as Jack comes back" Hurley said defensively annoyed that Sawyer assumed he ate it all. "We have been taking more than we need around here and eating it sparingly." "Who are you calling we?" Sawyer said surprised. "I only eat what I need nothing more. I have caught you stealing the ranch dressing for yourself though." "At least I am not stealing it and not eating it like you. I don't have a secret stash that you bargain people for after you steal it. I'm not using it as blackmail" Hurley said. As they continued to slam each other Sawyer's arm started to ail him again and he winced at the pain. "Maybe Libby should check that out for you? She's a clinical psychologist you know." "What is she going to do? Talk my injury to heal" Sawyer joked. "No, she started pre-med and flunked out then got into psychology. I admit she is not as talented as Jack but she can help while he is gone." Hurley and Sawyer headed to the hatch where Locke, Eko, and Libby were. Eko was guarding Henry. Locke was on computer duty. And Libby was just hanging out by the records listening to music and doing her laundry.

Sawyer's infection was getting worse and Libby didn't know what to do other than prescribe the antibiotics Jack had already prescribed him that were not working. Libby suggested she see Dun in her garden to see if any herbal medicines could work better. Sawyer left in a huff saying all moonbeam was going to do was talk his wound to heal and he knew it. Locke overheard Libby's conversation about medicine and asked her to check out his legs. Since Jack knocked him down to the ground his legs were worse than ever. He was having a hard time moving and he wanted a professional opinion that was not his rivals Jacks. She looked at his legs. Nothing was broken or fractured. She couldn't find out why he couldn't walk. "Other than Jack shoving you to the ground do you have any other history of injury to your legs?" "No, never." Locke responded sharply and quickly like it struck a nerve. "I can't figure out why you still can't walk" Libby said concerned. "I can walk!" Locke scolded. "Don't tell me what I can and can not do!" "Okay Locke, calm down. You came to me wanting to know my opinion. I gave it to you. I don't know what else to tell you."

Things were going haywire outside of the hatch too. Claire was growing increasingly worried and impatient with Aaron's fever and even more irritated with Charlie. "Come on Claire, I swear I'm not using again. Why can't it be like it used to be Claire? I miss you and Aaron. Let me see him and maybe I can help," whined Charlie. "The only reason you are not using is because you have nothing to use and you looked me straight in the eye Charlie and lied to my face. I don't believe anything you say anymore. I can't be selfish with my feelings and whom I allow into my life anymore. I have to look out for Aaron's well being to now. You stole my baby and brought him into the ocean while you burned down camp. I want nothing to do with you and neither does Aaron. Please Charlie, if you really do care about Aaron and I then you will leave us alone." Charlie looked devastated by what she said.

Back at Sun's garden Sawyer had met up with Sun to see if she had anything to help his shoulder. "I'm sorry Sawyer. I have nothing in this garden that will help you better than Jack's prescription." Sawyer was looking unusually pale for as tan as he usually is. He was sweating and getting dizzy. His eyes were getting blurry. "I need to go lay down. Jack is never here when you need the S.O.B but always here when you don't need or want him." Sawyer went into his tent once again frustrated. Sun then continued to argue with Jin about continuing to work in her garden while pregnant. She explained to him that women all over the world continue to work a lot longer farther along in their pregnancy than she is. Jin then told her everyone in the world but not his wife. He was not going to allow anything to happen to his wife and his child. They had almost lost the ability to conceive and Jin believed this was their miracle and their last chance to have a child together. Throughout all the arguing with Jin Sun started to get cramps in her stomach. "We have to go see Jack. Something is wrong Jin," cried Sun. Jin immediately ran to the hatch expecting Jack to be there. Instead he found Libby finishing up her clothes. He frantically went up to her. She could not understand a word he said except he looked worried and she understood the words Jack and Sun. She ran to Sun's garden with him to see what was wrong.

Sun was sitting on the ground clutching her stomach moaning in pain. Now Jin was becoming irrational. None of it Libby could understand and Sun was not in the exact position to translate. 'Sun. what's wrong?" Libby asked. "I'm having really sharp pains in my stomach. I cant loose this baby. Please go find Jack," she cried. "Jack's not here. He went off somewhere in the jungle during the storm and he has not been here for three whole days. Maybe I can help. I studied medicine before deciding to be a clinical psychologist." Libby was also very afraid and nervous. She was a psychologist before she went to the psych ward and was unsure of herself. She only practiced medicine a little bit and only said she did to Sun because she wanted to calm her down before Jack got her so she wouldn't be stressed because she that stress was not good for the baby. "Sun try and breathe." Libby took Sun back to the hatch and laid her on one of the bunk beds. She took out a bottle of water spilled it on her handkerchief and put it on her forehead. Jin was still going crazy with panic. Sawyer was lying down in a different room on the hatch couch moaning in pain. His infection was getting worse. Locke was getting increasingly frustrated with his legs. Claire came down to the hatch with Aaron crying followed by Charlie. In the hatch pantry Hurley was asking an arguing Rose and Bernard if they could help him divide up the food. Ana and Sayid were interrogating Henry and arguing how they were going to get him to answer their most burning questions. Sayid was all for unmerciful torture. Ana did not believe in that until it was a last resort. Ana wanted her and Sayid to play good cop bad cop on him and use her background as a cop to get answers. The entire camp was anarchy without Jack. Usually Jack was the moral compass that even if everyone did not agree with they followed and listened to. He was their go to guy when ever any one was sick, hurt, dying or needed help solving a island problem for him to be the judge. Without him their cam turned into "Lord of the Flies". More castaways continued to come down to the hatch to hide from the rain and complain about their problems and look for Jack. The chatter was overwhelming.

Kate had finally had enough. No one cared that Jack was in the jungle for three whole days in this storm with not hearing from him since. They only cared that Jack was gone for their own selfish reasons. None of them appreciated Jack when he was here but now that he is gone they all want their problems fixed by him. With anger in her heart and tears in her eyes she screamed so the whole hatch could hear her. "Shut up! Would you all just shut up! Would any of you care if Jack was away for three days and he couldn't fix all your problems? You should all be ashamed of yourselves! None of you realized Jack was gone until you needed him. For all we know he could be dead. I'm going out on my own and I'm not coming back until I find him. You can all stay here and drown in your problems, ignorance, and pathetic arguing!" With this she began leaving the hatch. As she was leaving Sawyer got enough strength to get up and go follow her. "Hey freckles, what crawled up your butt? Jack is a big boy; he can take care of himself. There is no reason for you to go out on your own and look for him by yourself. Why don't you say with me and we can do our own kind of sexual healing," sawyer said smoothly and with a sly smile. "You disgust me! How can you think about sex at a time like this? How can you act like everything is okay when it is not? I can't believe I ever though you had a heart and that I liked you." Sawyer paused for a second angry that she though she was better than him. 'You know freckles; you and I are not all that different although you wish and believe you are. We came from the same life. You're no better than me although you wish you were. That's why you hang over Doc every chance you get. But I have news for you sweetheart. You will never be good enough for Jack. Jack will never accept you for who you are. Who we are." Kate stopped him right there with tears in her eyes. "I am nothing like you. You obviously know nothing about me. If you ever took the time to get to know the real me beyond the exterior that you know like Jack does than maybe you would have a clue. I did what I did in my past because of survival. Out of love for my mother and I. Your life has been about self-pity and revenge. My life was a lot different before things got ugly. I want to change. I want to be better. You want to stay the same. Jack knows how I feel. He doesn't want me to change who I am because he loves who I am. He just wants me to be the best that I can be. He knows that I am so much more than a fugitive. A murderer. There is so much more that I have to offer. Unlike you who uses me and my twisted past for your advantage. You are an egotistical pig and I can't believe I ever…" Sawyer grabbed her by the arm and gave her a passionate kiss. Kate pulled away violently and slapped him across the face. "How dare you? You think this can be fixed by sex. You are not the man I thought you were Sawyer. I cared for you yes because we shared a similar troubled past. We both had some wounds I though we could heal together but after today I think I was wrong. Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent of how you react of it afterwards and that is where you and I am different Sawyer. I don't want to live in the past and you do. I want to be better and you don't. Jack has taken the time out to learn this about me. I will always care about you Sawyer and want to be your friend but I will never return to that life. I have a fresh new slate here and I'm going to take advantage of it. And I can't do that with you. Good bye Sawyer." She hated saying that but it needed to be said. Maybe then Sawyer could fix his life.

"I am not letting you go into that jungle alone freckles." " I don't think I invited you to come with" Kate replied. With this Sawyer turned his back and headed towards the hatch again. As he left all the other castaways came back and came with their problems too. "Kate i'm coming too, Aaron is sick and I wont rest until Jack examines her.' Charlie than stepped into the conversation lecturing her from behind "There is no way you and Aaron are going with Kate in this storm alone in this storm especially now that Aaron is sick. It's too dangerous. Plus this storm can't be good for his fever. "This is non of your business Charlie I was not talking to you." Kate then stepped in to referee. "Claire, Charlie is right, Aaron does need Jack's immediate help but going into the jungle in this storm isn't going to help. And Charlie, Claire obviously wants nothing to do with you so while she's waiting for Jack please leave her alone. When and if she is willing to forgive you she will. Until then let her be." After this Jin and Sun came. Jin was once again speaking incoherently but Sun this time translated. "We are coming with you" Sun said. 'We need Jack's help and we are not accepting no for an answer." Then Ana and Sayid left the hatch and with Locke not far behind all three telling her it is not safe and they are coming with. Libby, Hurley, Bernard, Rose, and the rest of the castaways soon followed all arguing that they too wanted to search for Jack. Kate became increasingly frustrated as she kept trying to explain to each one of them why she wanted to go alone and they all continued to argue with her back. Kate was finally reaching her wicks end when Eko finally stepped in.

"Silence all of you!" Eko said this in such a demanding, frightening authoritarian way that everyone hushed. "None of you are going. Locke you must continue to push the button in the hatch and your legs are not up to it. Sayid and Ana, both of you must stay in the hatch to guard and watch Henry and keep each other in check. Hurley, Jack gave you the responsibility of rationing the food for good reason. You must do it alone. Claire, Rose, Bernard, Sun, Jin and the rest of you are in no condition to be going on a trek. It is best if you stay behind and wait for Jack to return. This will be a good learning experience for all of you to learn how to adapt when and if Jack is not around again. Kate is going to find Jack alone." With this all the castaways listened and they all returned to the hatch or camp quietly while Eko and Kate stayed behind.

"Thanks" Kate told Eko with a nod. "No problem" Eko replied. "I am going with you and you cannot persuade me not to like we did with the others" Eko demanded. "No, I want to do this alone" Kate responded. "I don't remember asking you, I remember telling you" Eko said sharply. "Please, I don't want to argue. This is my thing and I don't want to deal with anyone else while I am looking for him" Kate pleaded. "Do you really think that a woman, alone, in the middle of this storm, in this mysterious and dangerous jungle will be able to find Jack and not get killed or hurt in the process? I know you are smart and independent Kate. I know you can track and take care of your self but you have barely seen as much as I have the real dangers this jungle has. Going alone would be stupid. I have seen what the others are capable of and they are vicious animals. I have seen the shadow monster and have looked into its unforgiving eyes. This storm is horrible. You are also way too emotional right now to go into these dangerous situations with out someone balanced. I promise I wont talk to or pester you. You won't even notice I am there. But I am not letting you go alone and that is final." With this Kate realized there was no stopping him anyways so why waste more precious time fighting when they can be using it finding Jack. Plus he had a point. "Fine, lets go before dusk and get some tents and weapons." With that both Eko and Kate left camp to go look for Jack


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter Seven**_

Jack awoke blurry eyed and strapped to a chair in a dark room. Regaining focus and consciousness took a while. He tried to budge but they strapped him down to the chair he was in pretty good bolted to the floor. All of a sudden lights came on in the room almost blinding him because the lights were so bright and his eyes were not used to the light yet.

A voice came from a speaker in the room. "Rise and Shine Doctor Sheppard" said the loud unrecognizable voice. "Untie me and let me go!" Jack demanded. "Not so fast Doc, not until we get some information we want from you." "And what exactly would that be?" Jack questioned. "I thought we had an agreement that crossing a certain point on the island would cause problems between your people and my people?" said the voice. "Yes, we did" Jack said. "Then why did you break that agreement?' said the voice. "Was our threat not as taken as seriously as it should have been?" implied the voice. "Do we need to show your people how serious we really are?" "Haven't you already done that by kidnapping and killing our people and spying on us every chance you get?" Jack said sharply. "First of all your people invaded our island first and second you have no idea what our people are capable of because your people haven't seen anything yet. What we have done is nothing compared to what we can do," said the voice. "What do you mean we invaded your island? We are survivors of a plane crash! We don't want to be here!"

Jack's heart was beating fast. Jack was completely out of control and he didn't like that feeling. He didn't know what was going to happen next. Where they going to torture him for information like they did to Henry? Were they going to beat him? Were they going to kill him? Could they go back go back and do something to the other survivors because he disobeyed their agreement? He did not know and not knowing his fate was killing him. Then a more disturbing thought crossed his mind. What if they had Kate again? They knew she was his strength and his weakness and that was probably the only way he would cooperate with them.

"We have another pesky one of your people who didn't follow our instructions to leave us alone" the voice said. "If you and your people can not follow our instructions more serious penalties will be given. This is your last warning" the voice said hauntingly. In that moment it became crystal clear to Jack.

All of a sudden the lights went out again and the room went completely dark. His eyes had to readjust again. He heard the loud opening of heavy iron doors. Light popped into the room as two shadows brought in another shadow tied up and muzzled and they threw the shadow next to Jack. The doors shut again making the room go to complete darkness again. He heard the doors lock as they shut. The metal bracelets that were strapping him to the chair opened up and released his wrists and ankles. Jack immediately got up from the chair as soon as he was free. "Kate!" Jack screamed, "Kate! Is that you?" As he untied the shadow and ripped the tape off his mouth he realized it was not Kate. In fact the person was not even female. It was Michael. "Oh my God" jack gasped. "Michael is that really you?" "Of course it is, who do you think I was? Your sweet heart Kate?" Jack blushed for a second. Thank God it was dark and therefore Michael did not notice. "Do you know where we are?" Jack asked. "I have no clue man" Michael said exhausted. "All I know is they wont let me see Walt but they tell me he is safe. But I don't care. I want Walt back." Jack's heart ached for what Michael was going trough. He couldn't imagine how Mike was coping without Walt. "Are you okay?" Jack asked concerned. "For my son still being kidnapped I'm not doing too bad" Mike said sarcastically. "I a so that was a stupid question." "No, I am sorry Jack. It is not like me to be like this. I sound like God forbid Sawyer of all people." They both laughed. It was the first time either of them had smiled in a long time and in a way it broke the ice. "They probably captured you for my ignorance in being relentless to look for Walt. They warned me the first time they found me looking for Walt that if I continued things would get worse and I guess they were not joking they stole our only doctor from camp" Michael said disappointed in himself. "No, I was the one who didn't listen. I came with my own free will until they captured me. I was dealing with some issues and on the way decided to look for you. I have been really worried for you and Walt since you left. You know we could have discussed this together and all as a group went looking for Walt. We would have been stronger. You didn't have to go lock Locke and myself in the armory" Jack said smiling he had found his buddy but also sad that he didn't find Walt too. "I'm sorry about that Jack. I was completely out of my mind back there and in a way I still am. Thinking about it now your right I should have gone looking for Walt with the group but back there I was irrational. All I thought of was going to find Walt and killing the SOB's who had him." "Don't worry mike, when and if we get back to camp I will do everything in my power to help bring Walt back. I promise." "We have to find a way to get back home first," Michael said stating the obvious. Jack looked around the dark room finding it completely bare except for the chair bolted to the floor and the tape and rope Jack took off Michael. They were both looking for an exit. Maybe a vent or something they could escape out of but nothing was there. They finally tried the actual door that Michael came in with his captors. It was not to their surprise that the door remained locked and was not budging. Finally Michael had had enough. "You took my son and that is not good enough for you people? You have to take us too? What do you people want from us?" Michael screamed and frustrated with the situation. He was done with the games. Suddenly gas filled the room. Michael and Jack tried not to breath it but it was impossible not to. They started getting sleepy and before they knew it they were both knocked out again.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter eight **_

As Kate and Eko traveled through the jungle they had realized that Jack's trail had ran cold about an hour ago and they were just traveling East in hopes of picking it up again. They had been traveling non-stop for more than a day and Eko had finally had enough. After almost the entire time of them rarely speaking a word to each other like Eko promised. "Okay, we are stopping here for tonight." Kate shook her head. 'Maybe you are but I am not. We still have not found Jack yet." "His trail went cold over an hour ago and now we are just traveling in hopes that we will find him. We need to take a rest. We are no good if we are tired and need to be alert in case we come in a confrontation with _the others_. We are so tired that even if we do pick up Jack's trail again we are likely to oversee it because we are not alert." Kate finally gave up fighting Eko again realizing once again she was not going to win an argument with Eko and he did have a point. Her and Eko decided to set up tents they brought and set up a campfire with the matches they had. As they sat around the campfire poking sticks at it watching the fire grow, the light on the fire reflected on their faces. Eko was sitting on a large rock and Kate found a tree stump to sit on. They were silent for a while until Eko once again broke the silence. "So you must really care about Jack" Eko said looking Kate in the eyes as if he was a human lie detector waiting for her to try and tell him anything different. Kate knowing this avoided giving a straight answer and instead spun the answer. "Of course I care about Jack. We all do and everyone needs him. He's our doctor." Kate feeling as if she successfully avoided telling her true feelings smiled. Eko smiled too knowing what she had done. "That's not what I meant. Since I have arrived on this side of the island with you guys I have noticed how you act with others and how you act with Jack. And it is not because he is the only other doctor on the island. But because you seem shy about your feelings I will drop it." There was more defining silence and then Kate interrupted it. 'You don't even know me. You have been on this island for what, a couple of weeks? We have spent like in total together three minutes of time talking with each other including this trek and you think you know where my heart lies." "I know a lot more about people and their feelings than you think. I pick up on people and their ways quickly. I have needed to all my life. It's how I have survived. I try to know everything about a person as soon as I can by just watching them. I see your feelings for Jack. I see your fear. I see the fear you have of loosing him. And not because he is the doctor or that you have built a friendship with him on the island. That is how you were when Sawyer returned. This is something completely different."

Kate's eyes welled up in tears. "Maybe I do care for him but I don't see how that's any of your business" Kate cried. "You are right. It is none of my business. You always seem to be on guard about your feelings though. It is a terrible way to live believed me." Eko said this as if he was thinking about his own experiences of love, loss, and not being able to share your feelings. This made Kate strangely comfortable and she opened up for the first time to anyone before or after the crash "What has stopped you from sharing your feelings with him?" Eko asked. "I have a very dark past. One I don't think Jack will understand or except. I know Jack is a good guy. He is a forgiving guy. He has shown me that time and time again but I am still afraid to tell him the entire truth about me. Jack and I are similar but different you know? Not in a bad way just in a different way. We have similar backgrounds but some how our paths became lost when unplanned events led us to different paths in life. I also cannot open myself up to the though of opening myself up and then losing him. When I am with him I am vulnerable. I am not Kate the one who taught her to survive and keep her guard up. I have lived that way for so long to survive I don't remember how it is to have all these feelings and how to handle them. That scares the hell out of me. I am not in control of my emotions and in the past that is how I have become hurt and I don't want that to happen with Jack and I. I would rather us continue things how they are rather than cause myself potential pain." With that she stopped talking. Realizing how much of a mess she must have looked like and how she revealed too much of herself that she did not intend to she became silent. "Jack is a good man and you should not feel that you are not good enough for him or for anyone else for that matter. Did you possibly think that Jack too might have bones in his closet he does not want to reveal yet that would paint him less than perfect? I see something in the two of you that is undeniable. Would it be more painful to hide your true feelings or to tell your true feelings and not have it work? I think the first one I mentioned is much harder. Life is too short not to go for it. That may sound trite but it is true. I am going to my tent to sleep now. Maybe you should sleep on what I said." Kate nodded as she set up her tent to sleep in.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter Nine **_

Michael and Jack woke up in the middle of the jungle drowsier and unaware of their surroundings. "Are you okay Mike?" Jack got up first. It was morning and although the rain was not pouring as much as it was last night it was still raining. "I am fine" Michael answered. 'We need to make it back to camp. The others must be worried and there we can deal with the situation better. We can plan it out more. We can get more people involved and recover more weapons. I sure don't want to stay here for long," Jack instructed.

Michael was hesitant because he didn't want to feel like he was abandoning Walt. But he conceded. He knew Jack was right. They had no weapons, were not in the best condition to fight, and were out numbered. Jacks idea was better. "The quicker we get back, the quicker we plan this thing out, the quicker we get my son back so lets go" Michael demanded. They headed back west to camp. As they made their way back though the jungle they started chatting like old friends who hadn't seen each other in a while and had a lot to ketchup on. Michael asked all sorts of questions about camp. He wanted to know how Sawyer was doing since the last time he left he was fighting for his life. He wanted to know how Sayid was dealing with the death of Shannon and who was taking care of Vincent since he and Walt were gone and Shannon was dead. He wanted to know how the merge of the two camps was going since its dramatic introduction. Jack explained all of this; most of it was hard to talk about because it was all negative. Michael sensed this and decided to talk about easier to talk about topics. 'So what is going on now with you and Kate?" Michael grinned at this. "Last time I left you two seemed pretty cozy with each other. Have you guys hooked up yet? "What are we in junior high?" Jack laughed it off. 'Well last time I looked you and Kate were acting like two junior high kids too shy to tell each other their real feelings. So you tell me Jack, are we in junior high?" Michael joked. "To be honest I don't know where Kate and I stand right now. I don't even know if there is a place to be at all," Jack said getting serious. "I mean we send each other all these mixed signals you know? One moment Kate and I can never be any closer to each other and then the next moment we couldn't be further away it seems. I have never felt this way about anyone else in my entire life. We always communicate but when it comes to certain things we still don't feel comfortable telling each other everything. I want her to be able to let me in but she is real afraid of telling me cretin things about her past. I can sense it. I don't know what it is that she is keeping from mew either. I have no clue. I have given her every signal that she can tell anything to me and feel comfortable with me no matter what." At this point Michael interrupted "You are a hard guy to revel flaws to. It always seems as if you are in control. You always seem to know what to do. People feel uneasy about that. They feel inferior to that. Kate tried to portray that too until her secret was revealed."

"I am not perfect Mike, I am far from it. From the first time I started to help people when we crashed people have looked at me for help. They wanted me to lead. I did not ask nor want that position. The group and the set of circumstances we were in pushed it that way. Someone had to step forward and lead. I never wanted it to be me believe me. All my life people have been directing me to be what they believe I should be so I just roll with the punches. Kate understands this. She is the only one who understands this but she is still afraid to open up."

"Jack, have you told her how you feel?" "Somewhat" Jack replied but not in so many words." "I think you should tell her exactly how you feel man. It is okay to show that you are human once in a while." "I will tell her when I get back to camp."

As they trekked through the talk about Kate continued. Jack told Michael about how he is more himself around Kate than anyone else. And he sees a side of Kate not too many see since Kate revealed she was a criminal. He sees Kate more as a victim of circumstance who decided she was no longer going to be a victim. She is so much more though. She is smart, funny, hot, caring and most of all around him she is herself. Michael finally interrupts again "So what are you waiting for man? Go for it. What is stopping you, Sawyer? Give me a break they are only friends who understand each other's pasts. If you don't go for it someone else will." And with this Jack knew what he had to do. He had to lay all his cards on the table for Kate. This was going to be really hard for him because after he would do this he wouldn't be in control. He would be vulnerable. Open for rejection. Rejection he thought he left behind with Sarah and his father. It was why he held his cards close to his chest with Kate. Because with Kate it would hurt so much more to have her reject hum because he cared so much more about her than anyone else in his past. But he had to give it a shot. If he never explored it the regret would be worse than the rejection his logical brain for once not thinking for him instead it was his heart.

After that Michael and Jack changed the subject because it was getting kind of mushy for guy talk. Michael talked about his days in construction and all the hospital visits and funny stories he had because of it. Jack told funny stories too of patients coming in and some of them hurt on construction jobs. They shared a few laughs and kept on trying to find home but both of them knew they were lost and neither of them could track. They both know they were in trouble but at least they enjoyed each other's company.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter Ten**_

As Jack's plane hit Thailand he was welcomed with one of those card board signs that people hold to tell them where to go and who's there ride. He met up with the person taking him. The guy had an innocent child like smile and immediately greeted him with a handshake. "Are you doctor Jack Sheppard?" asked the man. "Yeah, that's me." Jack replied a little nervous as to what he had gotten himself into this time. "My names Tom. I am a doctor from the states too. I am going to be the one to show you the ropes around here until you get settled. I must warn you this is no vacation. Your stay will probably be nothing like you had in the states. This is all about charity work. I assume you read all the guide lines?" Tom asked. "Yes, several times, before I got on the plane and after during the long flight in. I understand and agree to it all." Jack always came prepared.

During the long car ride to their destination there was not much to do other than talk. Awkward silence was not going to fun for a four-hour trip. Tom started the conversation since Jack seemed like he was focused on something else. He seemed deep in thought. "Do you play cards?" Tom asked. Jack came out of his thoughts. "Uh, yeah a little. My dad used to invite me over with his doctor buddies on Saturday nights for poker night. I picked up a few tricks along the way. Why, are you any good?" Jack smirked staring out the window. 'Am I any good?" Tom smirked arrogantly. "I am the best." "Well see about that" Jack quipped. "You haven't played me yet." They both laughed it up and it broke the ice. On the long trip they began to talk about everything. Their jobs took up most of the conversation because they had this in common. Tom also loved to talk about shooting. You would think he was the leader of the NRA.

"Why are you so interested in guns?" Jack asked. "I never really was that bog on guns until I came here. I mean I had a gun license and went shooting with my dad when he was younger that's how I learned to like them as a pass time. They are a necessity down here where it's dangerous. If you don't have a gun you are vulnerable and weak down here. And you don't want to be either one believe me." The conversation turned serious. "Do you know how to use a gun?" Tom asked concerned. "Not much, I know some basic things about it but nothing special." Tom looked worried. "I am going to teach you while you are here among other things. It is not safe not to know. Believe me I know. But it is good if you pretend not to know. People underestimate you that way. That gives you the upper hand. It is just like poker and bluffing. Never show anyone your hand. I obviously have to school you in a lot more than just cards" Tom laughed.

Things became personal when Tom asked him if there was a girl at home waiting for Jack. Jack's face darkened. "Not anymore Tom. We are in the process of a divorce. We were planning to come here for a vacation to help solve our marital problems but things fell through. I said what the hell, its no good to waste good pane tickets. Plus I saw the help all you guys needed here and it was as if it was my calling to be here."

Tom sympathized with him. "Back in Iowa where I am from there was a girl I once loved. I still love her wherever she is, just not in the same way I used to. We fell in love young, hard, deep, and too fast. I needed her and she needed me. But I could not help her with all her problems. She was a good girl living in a world that was not kind to good girls so she had to adapt. It was life that was bad to her. Life dealt her a bad hand of cards. It forced her to make some bad choices in life. None that I blamed her for after all she had been through. After a while her just and me took different paths in life. Not because we wanted to. It was all due to circumstances. We grew apart. In a way we both changed. But deep down I knew she didn't change. She was the same kind, loving, compassionate person at heart. We both grew up too fast. I haven't seen her in a while and it hurt like hell when she left. But life moves on and so did we and you should do the same. You will find someone else. I look at it this way, it was fate that you were to break up with your soon to ex wife. It wasn't in your cards to love her. You were probably meant for someone else. That's what happened to me. I feel your pain though. You will get through it just like I did" Tom said with a smile.

" I don't believe in that fate garbage. I used to but too many times it turned me down. I am more of a logic man." Jack said remembering Sarah's "miracle", than the destruction of his marriage to her, then his many failed attempts to recreate that "miracle" with other patients. "You will believe some day Jack, when you least suspect it." After that car ride Jack and Tom hung out and taught each other things for a couple of weeks than Tom left to introduce other Doctors to the program and Jack never saw Tom again.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter Eleven**_

Trekking through the jungle Eko and Kate started to become discouraged. They hadn't been on Jack's trail for a long time now. "Oh God! Where is he?" Kate cried. "Calm down" Eko instructed. "Being stressed and sad won't help find him. It will only distract us. Stay alert and focused." "It is kind of hard to do" Kate said. " I said some things I regret before he left. I never told him how I really felt because at the time I was confused and afraid of them. Now he is gone and he might be dead and…" "Shut up!" Eko demanded softly so they were the only ones who could here but he said it in such a demanding voice she took notice and stopped immediately. "Excuse me…" Kate was about to teach Eko that no one talks to her that way when Eko interrupted again "Shh! We are being followed" Eko informed her. Kate with fear on her face nodded and understood. "Who is following us?" Kate whispered. "Do you know what shh means?" Eko whispered back. As they continued to trek through the jungle pretending what ever was out there did not exist Eko fired his gun into the clearance. Jack and then Mike came out of the woods screaming. "What the hell are you doing?" Jack yelled. Eko gave a smirk, "I just wanted to see who was following us," Eko laughed. "I know that was a blank shot so no one got hurt. I know what I was doing. I just wanted you to come out of hiding." Kate immediately hugged Jack in an emotional embrace and Jack did the same. Mike was glad to see Eko again. Although Eko hardly spoke to anyone let alone Mike on the trek back to the Fuselage survivors camp he always felt safer around Eko. Something about Eko was strangely comforting but unnerving at the same time. If you were against him you should be very afraid but if you were on his side you had nothing to worry about. Maybe it was his unquestionable faith and confidence that made his so comforting. Unlike Locke his faith was not fanaticism and troublesome at times. His faith seems more down to earth, more understandable and genuine. "Where were you guys?" Kate asked. "We were captured by the others. We will discuss it later. Right now all I want to do is get back home. I can not actually believe I am calling the camp on the beach home but for now it is." Eko hushed them again. 'We are being followed for real this time. We need to separate to confuse them and loose them. Mike and I will take a new route to camp and Jack and Kate should go back the way we came. Kate you remember what route we took right?" "I am a tracker. I am not the damsel in distress you all think I am. I promise." She said with a smile. At first Jack objected to splitting up "I don't think breaking up as soon as we finally found ourselves is a good idea. Staying as a group we will be stronger together." "Staying together and will all die together. We need to separate. Mike and myself can loose them and find our way back. Kate and I brought back weapons. I know how to track and get back to camp. Mike and myself can take care of us. Kate knows how to track and get back to camp too and the two of you can take care of yourselves." After listening to reasoning Jack agreed. Kate already had a gun and so did Eko. They told each other goodbye and wished each other good luck and a safe trip back to camp like it was a possibility they wouldn't see each other again. Then Mike and Eko started going in a different direction and Jack and Kate continued to go in the direction they were going.

As Jack and Kate went on their way there they had awkward silence. Each had so much to say to each other yet they were both still afraid to let it out. So of course they distracted each other with the weather and other small talk. When that had finally reached its expiration date they moved to how the camp was holding up without Jack and Mike's and Jack's encounter with the others. "So I bet you guys celebrated me being gone. No one to tell you all what to do and how to do it. It's like your folks going on vacation and using the fact that they are away to have a party at their house. You guys get to do what you want when you want without doctor giggles breathing down your neck. I bet everyone doesn't even want me back," Jack said with a smirk. Kate did not smile back. "It was hell while you were gone Jack. What were you thinking going off alone? You are the only doctor. Things at camp are horrible without you. Aaron is sick again. Bernard is not feeling up to par. Sawyers infection is not doing well. I am really concerned about him. Sun is having problems with the baby and Jin is freaking out about it. The camp is anarchy without you. You were always there to lead and to help people and to give advice and I…" Kate Stopped herself. "What about yours and Mike's encounter with the others?" Kate said.

"The others still have Walt. I went into the jungle to clear my head and take care of a few things and then I was captured by them," Jack said. "What did you learn about them Jack?" Kate asked barely above a whisper paying attention closely. "I didn't learn much about them that we didn't already know. It just reinforced a few things I have been saying in how to deal with them that not everyone agrees with me on. The others are very dangerous Kate and they are not on our side. They are watching us Kate and picking us off one by one and if we don't do something soon about it we are in deep trouble. Things are going to get hairy again and I am going to have to know that you are going to have my back again like I asked you to do with Locke. A war is coming Kate. I don't like the idea of it either but we have no choice. You and everyone else at camp are either with me or against me when we get back to camp. There is no in-between to hide behind Kate. I am preparing for the war. I rather have you with me than against me. What do you say?"

"Well I was supposed to be having your back with Locke and you excluded me. If you want me to have your back you are going to have to learn to trust me Jack. Otherwise what's the point? I know you feel as if you have to protect me but I can take care of myself and you know that. If you trust me and let me in than I will have your back one hundred percent. But if you do what you did with me like the Henry situation than I can not have your back."

Jack understood this. "I am sorry about Henry. I didn't know all the facts about him and dint want the camp to panic before I got all I needed to know from him. We still did not know if he was a survivor or an other and before everyone else had their two cents about the situation myself, Locke, and Sayid had to make sure we could get all we needed from him. I should have told you and I am sorry for that. I promise I will inform you what is happening as soon as I get it next time. It is not that I don't trust you Kate. It is that I worry about you. You are important to me and don't want you hurt. Too many people in my life are gone and I don't want you to be one of them."

"What about Ana? How come she knew and I didn't? I am just as much if not more able to handle myself than her." Kate said. "I did not invite Ana into the whole Henry situation. Locke did behind my back. He thought her interrogation skills she had, as a cop would come in handy. Then through Sayid, Charlie got wind of it. If it were up to me only myself, Sayid, and Locke would have known about it. Looking back I would have wanted you in on it too. We are a team Kate. We need each other more than anything right now.

Kate smiled at this as she continued to trek through the jungle with Jack. It was day out but it was so dark because of the rain you could never tell. Jack paused for a second "Kate, f you want me to trust you than you are going to have to open up to me too. You still wont let me in. You still don't trust me enough to tell me about your past. I told you that everyone has a clean slate here and the past is over. I like the qualities that have made you who you are today and I am willing to accept anything that you have done. My life has not been perfect either."

'Can you Jack? Can you really accept all my flaws? I don't think you can. You expect so much from everybody else on the island and everything is black and white for you. Nothing is gray. It is either it is right or it is wrong. Nothing is in between and my entire life has been stuck in the in between, gray area's. Can you honestly accept that?" Kate asked examining his reaction very closely.

"I am not perfect Kate and I don't expect you to be either. My past is not that pretty either. I act the reason I do because of my past. I see potential in you Kate that no else even you see. I challenge you to live a better life. And I love when you challenge me to be better to, to not be hard on myself. To let loose and love what short time here on earth we have left."

'So I am not the only one holding secrets to my past?" Kate said with a smile.

At this time they became very tired and decided to stop and rest and put up a tent. It was getting dark out and deciding to continue while they were still tired and it being pitch black out was non -sense. They set up camp together and gave each other those yearning eyes that they normally do while flirting over how to set up the tents. Kate opened up her backpack and took out Jack's poncho. "I thought you might need this." Kate said with her always infectious and sweet laugh that always put a smile on Jack's face. Jack smiled from ear to ear. 'How were you able to tear this away from Sawyer?" Jack asked. "I stole it from his stash" Kate laughed. "Ah, my little criminal is not that bad after all." They both laughed uncontrollably.

As they sat there the rain suddenly stopped. For the first time in many days the rain was gone. Jungle noises started to return. As Jack and Kate continued to joke and relax Kate interrupted it all and started to kiss Jack. Jack kissed her back and they kissed passionately. When they finally came back up for air Kate said her lips still moist from the kiss "I never regretted kissing you." Jack went in again and this time he went in again longer. It became extremely hot and before they knew it they were ripping each other's clothes off in the heat of passion. It was a result of bottling up their true feelings for each other for so long that at this point how they felt could only be represented physically. Words were not enough. Jack ripped off Kate's wet shirt that stuck to her body taking out sever of her buttons in the process leaving Kate only in a bra. Kate jumped on Jack's shoulders, wrapping her legs around his waist as they continued to make out. Jack walked them over into the tent.

Several hours later they rested in each other's arms. Kate lying next to his chest wrapped around his arms. She found herself a little nook where she felt so comfortable that she thought she would never move from there ever. She took his hand around her shoulder and kissed his hands lightly as they decided to sleep out side the tent and star gaze. Kate's beautiful auburn hair was messy and Jack thought she looked so naturally beautiful at that moment he was in aw. Her skin was so smooth to the touch. He loved every freckle on her body. Her hazel eyes were staring into his. The smooth of her back drove him wild as he kissed all up and down it ever so softly that it sent chills up her back but good ones this time. They started talking about the stars and how they lit up the sky. Kate asked him how he knew so much about the stars and Jack said he took so many science classes before med school he had to learn a few things about the stars. They both for the first time in their lives and on the island were at peace and comfortable. They lied there for a few hours awake but quiet because they for the first time did not have to say a word to each other because they felt so comfortable that they did not have to.

Finally though Jack broke the silence. He knew still if Kate was going to fully open up to him he would have to first and he would have to share some skeletons in his closet too. He knew he was not going to learn everything about her tonight and it would take time to open up but he did not care. He did not want to learn everything about her in one night and he didn't want her to learn everything about him in one night either. Part of the best parts of their relationship was the slow discovery of each other and learning new things about each other and he did not want mess with that.

" I was not always good as I lead people to believe Kate. When I was younger I was different. Later I had to change. I was always a smart kid and my family and I always knew it, I just never tried. I always got teased and beat up for doing what was right and trying as hard as I could at everything so around ten or eleven years old I quit being responsible and decided I was going to waste my life. I accepted being average and told myself if I always stayed average I would have no problems. I hid behind meritocracy to blend in to the crowd. I wanted to be just like everyone else. I never told you or anyone else this before but I had a younger brother before. His name was Adam. He was my best friend. We would argue all the time but deep down we loved each other. He was smart too and didn't care what anyone else thought of him. He wanted to follow in my father's footsteps as a doctor and I could not wait to get as far from that reality as I possibly could. One night my brother and me got in a fight over something I can't till this day even remember. It was so petty and so trivial. My parent's grounded us and did not allow me to go to a pool party with my friends that night. I called my brother a nerd and told him he did not have any friends because of how he was. I told him that was the reason he was never invited to any parties. Later that night I snuck out from my window and went to that party. I was sixteen at the time and my brother was fourteen. It was Kevin Passernik's party who was the most popular kid at school. His parents were on vacation and there was going to be plenty of hot popular girls there and an ample supply of free alcohol there with no supervision. I was stoked. When I got there my best friend Brian met me there and he had brought over there two of the most popular, hottest girls there, Cindy Chester and her best friend Jessica Faircloth. I was immature and it was one of my first experiences with alcohol. I was really nervous around the girls. I drank and it calmed me down. I became smoother and more confident the more I drank. We all got pretty tanked. My brother pretty upset with what I told him earlier crashed the party. I didn't care. I was too drunk and too into the girls I was talking to, to care. He was obnoxiously drunk and I was so embarrassed. I decided to take the girls to the pool house so we could have some private time to ourselves and our raging teenage hormones could go at it. As things became hot and heavy Brian barged in and yelled that my brother was lying in the bottom of the pool unconscious and no one could go deep enough into the pool and lift up his body to reach him. Apparently Adam had dived off the high diving board drunk to impress everybody and never got back up."

"I immediately told Brian to call 911 and ran to the pool. I dived in and tried to reach him. I grabbed him but couldn't lift him up without loosing air. I kept trying to go down and up trying to save him. I finally came up one last time for and then went down to save him. This time I did not care if I drowned myself this time I was going to save him. I went down and deep and finally grabbed his body and although I felt as if my lungs were about to explode I was going to get him to the top. I was determined to get him to the top. I was so determined that I finally did. Others helped grab his body from the pool and I immediately as soon as I caught my breath began to do CPR on him. He was unconscious. His lips were dark blue almost purple as I tried to pump air into them. He was not breathing. I kept pounding on his chest knowing full well he was dead but I was unwilling to accept it.Other people at the party told me to stop until the ambulance got there but I was unable to listen. Finally the ambulance came, which seemed like it took forever and they had to rip me from my brother.

I rid with them in the ambulance as they hooked him up to this life support machine and all I could do was sit there and watch. When we got to the hospital I had to wait in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. I sat there thinking of all the mean things I told him before the party and how much I regretted them and did not mean a word of them. Time kept ticking away and I felt soulless. Then out of nowhere I heard wails of crying from my mother and my dad in my face pulling me out of the waiting room chair and demanding where he was. I said they took him to the ER. My father ran into the ER telling them he was a doctor himself and he demanded that he be allowed to treat his son. My mom was left behind with me left a mess like we all were. The doctors in the ER argued with my father that he was not his patient and my father said he did not care because the patient was not their son. A doctor who recognized my father and was good friends with him told him to let him through. They let him through. My father worked on him all night long. Until all the doctors and nurses left my dad alone in the ER room with him cradling my brother with tears in his eyes. Never did I see him so out of it. I hugged my mother as we were both in uncontrollable tears and at that moment all we had was each other. It became morning and all the doctors told my father they had to remove my brother's body. My mother came into to console my father but he pushed her away. Enraged he demanded that she take me home and make sure I did not leave until he got home."

My mother took a cab home and left the car to my dad. She was too emotional to drive home anyways. My mother and I stayed home for three days with complete silence until my father came home. It was so silent in the house you could hear a pen drop. When my father did come home in the middle of the night he slammed the car door shut as I heard him drive up the drive way. He came in drunk as hell. I mean you could smell the liquor and cigar smoke from the bars all the way up n my room. "Where the hell is he Margaret?" he barked at my mother. My mother told him he was plastered and to come back when he was sober. He did not care. He kept demanding to know where I was. She kept pleading with him to leave me alone until he got tired of her not telling him where I was and barged into my room. I stood up shocked as I saw him with booze and anger in his eyes as he unfastened his belt and beat me with it. I was terrified and wanted him to stop but I also had this strange and sick feeling of relief every time he would whip me with his belt. It was like a release for him and me as he wailed at me with no mercy. I wanted him to beat me to death. I wanted it all to be over. I deserved it. Finally I heard my mother come in and literally rip him off me. As she did I will never forget the words he told me, "You will never be like your brother. You will never be as good as he was or as smart. I am ashamed of you. You will never add up to what he was, what he could have been. You stole him from me and I will never forgive you for that. You are nothing to me Jack." Although he said this drunk and out of rage and grief I knew it was still the truth. If he was not drunk and mourning my brother so freshly I know he would never say it to my face but it was what he felt in his heart. So that is one of my deepest, darkest secrets Kate. I am not perfect. I just pretend to be. I try to live up to my brother's legacy and my father's impossible standards and the pressure I put on myself to atone for my sins. You are not the only one with a screwed up past." He said this with tears streaming down his face and Kate with tears in hers too. She touched his face softly and whipped the tears from his check and in a soft and genuine voice looked into his eyes and said she was sorry. Jack said it was his fault and his past and she had nothing to be sorry for and she said back neither did he.

Kate finally opened up about some of her past. She told him about her great childhood with Sam her adoptive father and how when Wayne entered her life t all changed. She told him about the physical abuse she witnessed her mother go through and all the nights she had to take care of a drunk Wayne and stay with her mom. She told him how he killed Wayne and why. She said about how before she left her mother was dying of cancer and wouldn't forgive her. She told him about Tom but didn't use his name so Jack did not recognize whom she was talking about. She said a few things about life on the run but still left plenty to be a mystery to share on another day. For the both of them it was such a release. It was like these ghosts that had been haunting them for so long had been released and were not holding them prisoner anymore or at least most of them anyway. They held on to each other tight and slept together in each other's arms.

Later that night they headed back to camp where they met Mike and Eko there. Jack immediately got to work helping everyone with their problems, from the mothers to be and their children to Hurley and the pantry to even Sawyer and his injury. A new day started and was about to begin. It was a fresh new start. It was also time to confront the others and get Walt back. It was time to prepare for a war.


End file.
