Downton Abbey Waited a Lifetime

AN: This one is new territory for me, but Rachel and Daniel intrigue me. The whole Diana Clark in the CS really hit home to me how little we know of these two people. I firmly believe they are happy together, I know that will shock some of you, but that's what I think. That being the case Diana and Daniel's relationship needs an explanation, which is what I have written here. Please review it will mean a lot with this somewhat strange idea. Thanks and enjoy.

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><p>Rachel sits in bed and twiddles with the sheet, her finger absentmindedly tracing the stitching. Her thoughts swim with Diana Clark, who had invited her? Obviously it hadn't been her husband. The look on Daniel's face as the woman had walked through the door had been pinched and painful, Rachel knew him well enough to know it was a look of terror mixed with guilt. Guilt at having taken a mistress.<p>

Daniel paces his dressing room. He'd been lying when he'd told Robert, Rose and Mary that they had to keep Rachel in the dark; Rachel had already been in the light. She knew. The way she'd strolled up to the little boy and taken his hand, that was typical Rachel, her way of reconciliation. But, was it just for show? Had she really forgiven him? He paces the carpet once more before entering her room, he has to, otherwise she'll only come in search of him.

She relaxes a little as he finally enters the room, a smile on his face. A forced smile it may be, but it's a smile. He says nothing, proving his mind is occupied, as she expected it to be. He climbs into the bed and she shuffles a little closer, ready to play her cards. Firstly comes ignorance.

"It's strange Rose has never mentioned Ms Clark before now, did you know of her?" Daniel stares at her and shrugs his shoulders, his mind racing, does Rachel actually know? Or was her approval of the child genuine earlier? Did she actually think Diana was a friend of Rose's? "Only Mary didn't even seem to know her, and when I asked Cora she had no idea."

"No doubt Cora would never have noticed, she spends too much time fussing over Robert. I expect they spent all afternoon doing heaven knows what." He bites his lip, he shouldn't have said that, Rachel is rather fond of the woman, although what Robert sees in her he can't fathom, he supposes it's just the obvious beauty.

"She's very pretty I grant you. Where did you find her?" Her voice is harsher than she means it to be but his insult of Cora had pushed Rachel more quickly over the edge than she had wanted to, but then again what was the point in going around in circles. Daniel turns his blazing face towards her, ready to lie. Lie. He'd been doing that for too long it was time to tell Rachel what was going on.

"London."

"And little Daniel, how old is he?"

"Two."

"One word answers are going to make this a very long evening." He looks at her, guilt consumes him as it did earlier and he takes a deep breath.

"It was when we decided to take a break, remember, about two years ago and you went to stay with your cousins and, well, I resided in London for a while." Rachel watches his face contort before he moves onto the next part of his story and rubs his arm gently. "I met her at some business thing I had to attend and, well..." Daniel Sinderby had never been an emotional man, in fact he'd always been the opposite, perhaps it was something Rachel had bought out in him, but at that moment tears roll thick and fast down his face. "I was lonely I suppose, not having realised yet how much I was missing you and...I used her, I knew she had developed feelings for me and it was an easy way to curb my desire. When we'd been together, for lack of a better word, three months, everything happened at once, you wrote to say you were returning home and would be there whenever I wanted to see you and...Diana announced she was pregnant. I panicked, I didn't want to tell you what had happened but I could hardly abandon the girl."

"Is that why you were so secretive when you first returned?"

"Yes, I dreaded you finding out, we'd been through a tough time only a few months before and I was desperate to get our relationship back to what it was. I'd realised in the time we'd been apart that I had missed you and that really you weren't all that bad, whatever I sometimes think. It takes someone strong to put up with me like you do, and I threw you away. So when you returned I saw no point in telling you, I'd only lose you again but...what can I do, it's happened now instead." She wipes the tears gently from his cheek and kisses his neck.

"I'm not going to hold this against you if that's what you think." He stares at her and she smiles at him. "There's no point, you've suffered enough. Besides, you're not the only one that did some silly things during that time we spent apart." The truth is, she loves him far to much to ever hold it against him, she has to have him in her life.

"Forgetting whatever it is you did, you have every right to hold it against me. I took a mistress and she had my child. I was stupid enough to take her as my mistress in the first place and then she bore my child, I could have stopped that."

"Daniel, perhaps in hindsight you should have thought sensibly and prevented the chance of a child, but it happened and you've obviously provided for the child so he and Diana can have a comfortable life, what else can you do?" Rachel calmly rubs her fingers over his chest, the truth is she has not got a single leg to stand on when it comes to the nine months they'd spent apart. They'd needed a break from each other mainly due to Daniel's temper that she had, at the time, become heartily fed up with. They had never been all cosy like Robert and Cora but they had a steady relationship until that point and then everything had spun out of control, they had decided to take a break from each other and it had worked, they'd been content ever since, well apart from this shadow that had been hanging over Daniel's head she thought. But then she had her sins to count, he hadn't been the only one to have a relationship during that time and she'd been uncomfortable keeping if from him, although hers wasn't quite so scandalous.

"Rachel, you know I wouldn't hold it against you if you hated me, in fact I think I deserve that."

"You don't, I wasn't naive enough to think you had stayed faithful to me during that time. Besides, you mean an awful lot to me." She takes a deep breath as he watches her. She'd never told him how much she loved his ridiculous behaviour and his short temper, it was funny really, she'd hated it when she'd first married but she'd quickly learnt to love it. However she'd never expressed what she felt for him, firstly because she thought that he knew and secondly she didn't want to hurt him as she was fully aware a man who kept himself so guarded from the world was never going to be able to love her. She was sure he thought the whole idea of love ridiculous and however often she threatened to leave him when they argued, she knew she'd never manage it, it was just a good way of making him stop and think. Her mother would say she had learnt to manage her husband.

"You like me far more than I deserve." He pulls her close and kisses her head. "I'll never be worthy of you my dear, but I will try to treat you better in the future."

"You don't treat me badly."

"No, but I don't pamper you as Robert pampers Cora, and that's what you deserve, after all you pamper me." She laughs, the sound pleases him as it had always been difficult for him to live with a woman who held him in such high regard when he knew he deserved none of it. She'd never admitted her feelings for him, but he was well aware of their existence, it had been one of the main reasons he'd kept his dalliance with Diana secret. The issue was he couldn't understand a few things about Rachel's love for him. The first was how on earth a woman like Rachel would fall for a short tempered, angry man like him and the second was why if she loved him she behaved in the same way with every other man she met. She always told him he was a different person with her and was often quite relaxed around her, but Rachel seemed to manage to be relaxed and herself with everyone and it infuriated him, surely if she loved him she should be different with him?

"You wouldn't say that if you knew how I'd behaved during the time we spent apart."

"Whatever you did it wasn't as bad as the way I behaved."

"I'm not so sure. You see, when I was staying with the Jordan's they had a nephew staying with them. He was twenty and just about to embark on a season to find himself a wife, his parents needed money so he was to marry an heiress." She pauses, her throat closing over and her eyes stinging with trapped tears. "He'd been deprived of his grand tour of Europe for this reason so he hadn't...how do you say, learnt of his desires. So, I volunteered to...well, teach him I suppose." The tears stream down her face, she'd tried desperately to block the young man's face from her mind and as it swam once more in her memory she was amazed to find her husband's arm snake around her shoulders and pull her close, his voice mumbling sweet nothings in her ear as he dries the tears from her cheeks with his free hand.

"Rachel dear, that's not half as bad as what I did. Lots of married women do it all the time. How about we forget those dreadful few months we spent apart and move forward just as we've been doing for the last couple of years. We've done quite well so far, disregarding a few exceptions." She turns to hims and smiles.

"If that's what you wish my dear, but you must realise I wouldn't have done that when we were apart if-"

"You hadn't missed me so much. I know Rachel. I know what you feel for me." Her heart jumps into her throat, so he did know, she looks down suddenly nervous that his temper might be set against her. It had happened before, quite frequently during the time before their 'break', but most of the time his anger was directed at others, often Atticus, and she had acted as the pawn in the middle, desperate to keep everyone calm. He reaches forward and lifts her chin so he can see her face, she reluctantly lifts her eyes to his. "I will strive, as I always have to be worthy of you." Then gently he presses his lips to hers. "I love you, you know that, don't you Rachel?" She looks up adoringly into his eyes, yes she'd known in some respects but she'd always doubted it, having never heard it from his lips. My goodness it felt so good for him to say it, finally say it. How many years had she waited? It felt like she'd waited a lifetime.

"Really?" Daniel stares incredulously at her, what doesn't she understand?

"Yes, really. Just as you love me, I love you." If she was the young, over excitable woman she once was she'd squeal, but she's not that woman any more. Instead she delves her fingers tightly into his hair.

"Oh, darling, I love you so much." She feels his lips come down on hers and his hands coming to rest on her waist, pulling her atop of me. She gasps and she hears him chuckle before his lips once again find hers.


End file.
