Ranma, Sailor Moon 1. Who Are You Anyway?

_Ranma 1/2 was created by Rumiko Takahashi and Sailor Moon by Naoko Takeuchi. The rights to these series belong, as far as I know, to them and whomever they have sold/given their rights to. I am not one of them. I'm not writing this for any profit or compensation with monetary value._

* * *

"To see Nerima and die. Preferably later and somewhere else."

Makoto Kino, a 14-year-old pupil was standing in a train waiting for the arrival in Nerima. Her school, Juuban Junior High, was closed and under repair after the youma attack yesterday.

The four Sailor Scouts-Sailor Mars hadn't managed to get there in time-had wiped the blackboard youma by first scrubbing it clean of the offending mathematics Ms. Haruna had tried to teach them. Mercury seemed a bit unhappy to have a part in destroying implements of academics, though.

Right now, each of the four Scouts were spending their day off differently. Case in point: Makoto. She was still more or less stuck on her old senpai, whom she fondly remembered. Except that she didn't remember his name. And she never learned where he lived, either. But she did remember he was a martial artist, and with the current way of things all things martial arts, martial artists included, gravitated towards Nerima. If there was a chance she'd find him somewhere, it'd be Nerima.

She saw him first three schools back. He had been going to another school in the neighborhood, but had spent his time practicing his Art in the nearby park. Even if she hadn't dared to ask him out on a date, his influence in her life was quite pronounced.

The announcement from the train speakers interrupted Makoto's train of thought. "Next stop: Nerima. Next stop: Nerima." Makoto blinked as the shutters on the train windows closed. They had shutters? And were they made of steel?

The train came to a halt. Most of the other travellers moved away from the train doors, leaving Makoto standing alone. As soon as she had stepped out of the train car, the train had already closed its doors and was swiftly moving away from the permanent hazard zone.

As she walked out of the station, the people she passed handed out to her several adverts and packs of ad tissues. "Premium Life Insurances", "Nerima Funeral Services", "You Name'Em, We Sue'Em!", "If it ain't in shambles yet, it will be soon. Call Nerima Construction Crew!" and all of that sort to name just a few.

Maybe this all was just an artificial image, created to attract even more martial artists and keep the rest away? Makoto gave this thought a mental shrug. That didn't matter her right now.

* * *

Makoto had been walking around Nerima for a while and felt unnerved by what she had seen. The roads had more holes in the asphalt than anywhere else she'd been and the windows had been either boarded shut or wide open as if they were in the danger of breaking. Sure, she had heard the rumours, but she didn't expect a fraction of them to be true.

Even so, people walked on the streets casually like there was nothing out of the ordinary going on. Well, actually there wasn't, but the people seemed to practically ignore that the place looked something closer to a warzone or a shopping mall after 75 percent discount on clothes.

She noticed that she had wandered into the vicinity of a local highschool. The nameplate, barely hanging onto the gate, said "Furinkan High". The loud sounds of fighting inside the school yard intrigued her. Was this a commonplace event here? If she kept fighting, she'd probably end up here or another school comparable to it. And with her current nightjob as Sailor Jupiter that would be a very bad thing.

She peeked around the gate, her brown ponytail dangling to settle down on her shoulder. Inside she saw a girl with short, dark blue hair punch a bokken-wielding boy, who was sent headfirst at the fence bordering the schoolyard. The girl must have had some martial arts training - no normal person could produce that red aura. Or punch that hard, either. Makoto frowned. Was she a youma? She didn't look like a youma they had seen before - tall with an uncommon skin complexion and form-hugging clothing - and not even that school uniform could hide the two characteristics.

Well, if not a youma per se, then maybe she was possessed? These ponderings were soon to be a moot point, though, because before she could do one thing or the other, she saw him.

Her senpai.

* * *

The Scouts met again the following day at Hikawa Shrine. Their largest topic was excess damage to public property, a topic that would've probably been even more acute if Rei had been there in their last fight. The second largest one was the new ice cream flavours Crown Arcade was selling and when they should sample them. And third was exactly why was Makoto spacing out so much today with that wistful smile on her face?

"Makoto? Makoto? Makoto!" Minako was beginning to feel frustrated when Makoto was all too deep in her la-la land. She frowned and to finally get her attention, she pushed Makoto's arm that was supporting her chin sideways, making the girl in question nearly hit the tabletop with her head.

"What's the big idea?"

"You tell me, you're the one looking like Usagi when she thinks of food."

"Am I that bad?" Usagi whispered her question to Ami.

"Yes," was Rei's curt and unasked answer.

Makoto let out a long, soft sigh. "I found my senpai."

The other Scouts stared at Makoto. They didn't hear the words "looked like".

"You did? When? Where? How?" Minako practically pounced on her. These matters belonged, without question and without any limitation, to the domain of Sailor Venus. And she'd never live it down if Makoto got a steady boyfriend before she did.

"I took a train to Nerima yesterday."

"Nerima? Why would you find him there of all places?" Rei wondered aloud. As ludicrous as the idea of teenagers throwing ki blasts was to her, she believed there was at least some small amount of truth in all the stories she had heard of the place. Enough to make her want to keep away from there untransformed. Although that would just be likely to attract the lingerie-stealing demon the stories also told about.

"He's a martial artist." The answer that explained all.

"Oh," the rest of the team chorused.

Minako, not willing to let the discussion the slightest chance to derail from the important topic - Makoto's most likely very hunky senpai - to less important ones, such as Nerima and martial arts, asked Makoto, "When can we see him?"

* * *

It was the following Saturday. The construction crew from Nerima had worked fast with the Juuban Junior High and had finished the repairs in only one day. Unfortunately, the quality of their work was shoddy at best. On the other hand, could one blame them? They were so accustomed to having their handiwork destroyed before anyone could even begin to complain of the poor quality of their work. Especially since if and when the walls collapsed, it was always given that the reason to that was the ki-enforced appendage, be it a foot, a fist or a finger, and not the makeshift masonry.

Who knows - maybe the Scouts could get the Juuban reconstruction business to do better job than their counterparts in Nerima. On the other hand, when the decision makers picked the company to do it, all too often the cheapest - and often also the shoddiest - offer would win the contract.

Still, the main point was that the newly rebuilt classroom wall didn't hold up but collapsed halfway through the third lesson, which meant another free afternoon for the pupils. And a good opportunity for Makoto to get to Nerima and actually talk with her senpai. Last time she had lost her nerve and ran back to the train station, where she was again handed various ads, except this time the services advertised were along the lines of spiritual exorcism and psychiatric counseling.

* * *

The school bells of Furinkan High chimed for the last time that day. Ranma and Akane's class slowly poured out of the classroom. Akane had woken up Ranma when the class ended and the two were now well on their way to the Tendo home. Ukyo had to speak with a few other students about their school project, but soon enough she was running after Ranma to talk about the upcoming school culture festival and her plan to get him work with her on it.

Ranma was walking before Akane, leisurely swinging his bag in a way that one of the school cheerleaders might've noticed to resemble no small amount their choreography. Even if he had won against Mariko Konjo, it didn't mean that he should forget what Martial Arts Cheerleading had taught him. He still half expected to face the masters of martial arts lawn mowing any time now. As he was lost in his thoughts of cheerleaders following a lawnmowing battle, Ukyo had already run up to Akane.

"Mind if I talk a bit with Ranchan, sugah?" Ukyo asked her.

Akane was going to answer the question when she noticed that Ranma had stopped walking. In front of him was a tall, very tall junior high girl in a brown and grey fuku, obviously not one from the neighborhood. And in her eyes was that lovestruck gaze only Ranma might take as something else.

"Senpai!"

But even he couldn't mistake that tone of voice, having heard that from a few too many sources a few times too many.

Akane didn't like the sound of that. She didn't call him fianc, which meant she probably wasn't arranged by his father. She was preparing a list of questions when the girl walked at Ranma... past him... and stopped with a faint blush on her face in front of Ukyo.

"Makoto?" Ukyo asked.

Akane turned to face Ukyo, who apparently knew who this girl was. Then another look at the girl. Yes, she was looking at Ukyo and not Ranma.

"Ucchan, is this another Tsubasa?" Ranma asked, now that he had noticed the target on Cupid's practice range for once wasn't him.

The lid on the mailbox nearby opened and inside peeked the head of one peeved Tsubasa. "I told you, Ranma, I'm a guy! And she's a girl!"

Ranma squinted his eyes to look for an Adam's apple on the newcomer but failed to find one. "Well, for her age she's tall enough to be a guy anyway," was his reply.

For that comment, he had to ward off the glares of evil from the three women present.

* * *

Makoto, Ukyo and Ranma had left Tsubasa alone and Akane had to leave to the Tendo house. The three made their way to the Ucchan's mostly talking about things of no great importance and some blushing on Makoto's side. Once the three reached the restaurant, Ukyo changed to her work outfit. When she came out from the back room...

Makoto's mouth hung open. She reached out. Poke, poke. Squish, squish.

"Do you mind?" Ukyo wouldn't have minded if those were Ranchan's hands in either of his forms, but they were Makoto's instead.

Realizing just what she had done, Makoto pulled back her hands as if she had burned them. In the seat beside her Ranma snickered - that was what he had to go through when he first came to the Tendo home.

"Senpai, you're a girl!" Makoto cried out, nearly in tears. She had taken up cooking because it was necessary for her senpai's Art. She had put her hair in a ponytail because her senpai had it like that. And she had a big crush on him - except that he was really a she. "Why?"

Ukyo sighed. She knew Makoto as an overenthusiastic girl who was nice to be with - even if her cooking had been pretty awful to start - from her days in the all-boys school. In hindsight, she should've recognized the signs of a crush back then.

"My father put me on the clan records as a boy," Ukyo began her tale. It took a while, but in the end, with Ranma's various offhand comments every now and then, she had finished her tale of how she and Ranma met, the stolen dowry and what happened then.

Makoto was not happy. Her friends expected her to show her senpai, but how could she show them a girl? Then it hit her. Her sen- Ukyo had been swindled and one of the guilty party was sitting right next to her. If it weren't for him, Ukyo wouldn't have dressed as a boy and she wouldn't have mistaken her for one.

"You're a good martial artist?" she asked Ranma.

"Hah, I'm the best," came the automatic, cocky answer. Makoto turned to Ukyo.

"Yep," Ukyo agreed with Makoto's original question and at the same time tried to stroke Ranma's ego and score a few extra points.

"Good. Ranma Saotome! For cheating me of my senpai, I demand that you are my senpai for the rest of this day!" She emphasized the seriousness of the demand by taking a pose, resting her other hand on her hip and pointing the other at Ranma, her forefinger an inch from his nose.

Ranma patted Makoto on her head. "Ain't my problem, little girl."

As Ranma was busy annoying Makoto with his belittling, Ukyo thought of Makoto's demand. She considered Makoto an "old" friend, and it was also to some small part her fault that Makoto had been running after a false dream. And there were plenty of them whenever Ranma was nearby. Maybe this was the time to use those points she had got.

"Ranchan, if you do that, you'll have a free Ranchan Special every day for two week after school," she suggested.

Less than a minute later they had reached a deal.

* * *

It hadn't taken Makoto long to call her friends to come to the Crown Arcade to meet her "senpai". Now, it was only a question of getting there. As the two walked to the train station, she was now handed another set of ads. One for a book by Kaori Daikouji, titled "Moving On: No Longer Engaged to Ranma Saotome", another one called "How to Skin a Panda" and finally an ad for "The Saotome Fiances Support Group".

Makoto and Ranma had nearly reached Crown Arcade when Makoto felt a raindrop fall on her nose. She wiggled her nose a bit and cast a look at the sky. "The arcade is just around the corner - we'd better run the rest of the way unless you want to get wet," she said and grabbed Ranma's hand. The two ran hand-in-hand, without pausing to look behind, to the arcade and very nearly broke the hinges off the door.

The other four Scouts were already there and were waiting for Makoto to arrive. Usagi and Minako had thrown in a bet of what Makoto's senpai looked like, whereas Ami and Rei were more interested in knowing what he had to tell about living in Nerima.

"Hi guys," Makoto called at the four and waved her free hand enthustiatically, throwing droplets of water off her sleeves as she did that. Her enthusiasm was met with widened eyes and eyebrows risen unusually high.

"Guys?" she faltered a bit. "I thought Ranma looked the part just perfectly? Or did I exaggarate hi...her?" Makoto thought. Shaking aside the slight unease and uncertainty she felt because of their reaction she continued. "This is my senpai, Ranma Saotome."

This only resulted in three of the girls blushing. Unlike the rest, Usagi came forward and hugged Makoto. "Oh Makoto, your senpai is so cute!"

Now it was Makoto's turn to wonder what was going on. Cute? She cast a questioning gaze at Usagi, who had a blindingly radiant smile on her face. "What do -," she began until next to her a cute, very feminine but also very bored voice interrupted her with a question.

"Ya got any hot water in here?"

Makoto turned to the source of the new voice next to her and saw a girl. Yes, definitely a girl in wet clothes and no bra. A redheaded girl with a pigtail. And who was holding her hand.

Holding WHAT?

She quickly let go of the girl's hand and jumped backwards. Where did Ranma go? She looked all around her but didn't see the definitely all male form of Ranma anywhere. The girl scratched the base of her pigtail and grinned.

"The name's Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

* * *

_**AN:**A few points... I'm trying to dump here most of the wacky ideas I have around a rather simplistic background plot and avoiding (more than a few) too worn clichés in Ranma/Sailor Moon crossovers. The funnier and more inventive you think the story is, the better I have succeeded. A few things this fic won't be: a fukufic, a Ranma/Sailor Scout match-up, crossover with Tenchi Muyo! or A!MG (Touhou game series is not completely out yet). Possibly more to come later on._

_**Reupload note:** This fic is likely dead, as I am definitely not in the mood to write any comedy any time soon, even though I have the future chapters planned out.  
_


	2. Cooking Is So Fun

Makoto shut the door behind her with much more force than usual, practically slamming it shut. Her day had been close to a catastrophe. At least now she was again at her home and Ranma was already on her way back to Nerima. She'd still have to come clean tomorrow and explain who Ranma and Ukyo really were to her friends, though.

She walked to her kitchen and took out an opened bag of flour. There was plenty of it; no danger of running out of it anytime soon. She took out sugar, chocolate and the rest of the ingredients she needed to bake a batch of chocolate chip cookies, working with a recipe she had improved a bit on her own.

A week after Makoto had met Ukyo for the first time she had asked Ukyo if she could become her student in martial arts okonomiyaki cooking. Ukyo hadn't been against it, not until she tasted what Makoto had prepared. She had given Makoto a condition: she'd have to learn to cook before Ukyo would teach her her Art. With the goal of becoming Ukyo's student on her mind, she threw herself into learning to cook.

Ever since then cooking and baking had become a way for her to detach from her problems. A bowl of miso soup and her height seemed much less of a problem. A batch of cookies and her problems at school seemed inconsequential. All to impress her senpai when she'd see him the next time. No, her. See her the next time.

And right now, baking sounded like a very good idea.

The process of preparing the dough was so familiar to her she might just as well do it with her eyes closed, as was now practically proven as she noticed she had already mixed all the ingredients. She put down the bowl of cookie dough and tasted it. Impeccable as always.

She cut the dough in small buttons and put them in the oven she had put on to preheat a while ago. With some idle time now on her hands, her thoughts wandered back to the arcade.

Ranma did try to explain his curse, she remembered.

* * *

Even though the reactions of Ami, Minako and Rei appeared similar in their awed silence, their thoughts were moving in very different ways after they had understood Makoto had a strong crush on a girl.

"Makoto's senpai is a girl?" Minako wondered in her mind. But Makoto had also been checking out boys with her just last weekend?

Rei, ever the adept in the spiritual matters, felt within the girl a ki furnace of size she simply couldn't explain. Not in the least. No, Ranma couldn't have been a normal human, but if she were with Beryl, why would they let her out and not just harvest her for the life energy?

Ami cocked her head as she watched the older girl scratch the back of her head. It was a surprise that Makoto's old flame was a girl, but she hardly considered that an issue. However, there was something wrong with Ranma, even if she couldn't quite place it. Something that was out of place. The way she rocked on the soles of her feet maybe? The way she carried herself without any feminine modesty? If only she could bring out Mercury Computer to scan her...

Makoto stared at the girl who claimed to be Ranma. This was _not_ funny, not in the least!

"Okay, girl, who are you and where'd you put Ranma?" she demanded.

"Oh, right, ya dun know-" Ranma replied but her words trailed off as her attention had now shifted from Makoto to Usagi's forgotten ice cream on the desk. Ice cream? Well, since there was no apparent hot water forthcoming yet, it was time to bring out the big guns-that is, the big, watery eyes-and get a free sample of ice cream for her as well.

"Wait a sec, will ya?" she told Makoto before heading off to the clerk who was just handing a young girl and her mother their ice cream cones.

The young man with light brown hair never knew what hit him.

Ranma sat down with her portion of ice cream next to Usagi, who scooted a few inches away to give the pigtailed girl a bit more space at the edge of the bench. She was staring at Ranma with a scowl for flirting a free ice cream from Motoki in front of Makoto, but on the other hand she was intently watching Ranma's ice cream with poorly concealed longing. Her own serving was only a plain strawberry ice cream whereas Ranma's had an extra scoop, fudge and a cherry on the top.

"Where did you hide Ranma!" Makoto demanded for the second time. She hadn't bothered to sit down yet and was now standing tall beside Ranma. The girl was shorter than her, even more so now that she was sitting down, but the height difference still failed to produce the effect she desired.

"Told ya, I'm Ranma," the pigtailed girl, who wasn't intimidated in the least, said in between the spoonfuls of ice cream she ate. "'cept I got a curse. Ya sure ya got no -" was all she managed to say before she felt something smack her in the middle of her forehead before it fell down on top of her ice cream and got stuck in the fudge topping. "- hot water?"

"An ofuda?" Ranma asked with narrowed eyes.

The Scouts watched Rei, who was sitting opposite to Ranma, attempt to explain herself.

"What? She said that she was cursed!" she flustered. This episode with the ofuda alone was embarrassing enough for the quick-tempered warrior of fire to keep on pressing about other matters.

* * *

Before Makoto had left the company of the other Scouts later that evening, Rei had told her that she felt Ranma was a veritable ki furnace, quite beyond her belief of what a human could have been. Still, it was rude to flip an ofuda in the face and the food of a new acquaintance, even if she had some characteristics generally attributed to their enemies.

Likewise, the ever so observant Ami had noticed something was wrong in the way Ranma had carried herself already at that point.

Makoto sighed. Usually by this point she was already feeling quite fine, but the events of the day apparently were too much for only one batch of cookies to fix. With that in her mind she turned back to make another batch of dough.

* * *

Ranma picked the slip of paper from her ice cream, crumpled it and casually threw it in the nearest wastebasket five metres away without looking.

"Messing with my ice cream is never a good idea," Ranma started with a low tone before blinking and continuing, "who are you all anyway? Makoto's friends, right?"

Usagi took this as her cue to start talking. "She's Rei Hino, a shrine maiden, I'm Usagi Tsukino, here's Ami Mizuno, she's real smart, and Minako Aino!" The speed at which Usagi did the honors on Makoto's behalf was a feat in itself, enough to make Ranma wonder...

"You're a practitioner of martial arts sports commenting?"

Usagi - like the others - was perplexed. "Huh?"

"Ehh, never mind. So, do ya have hot water or tea around somewhere?" Ranma asked before taking another taste of the ice cream.

Rei, who was sitting at the edge of the bench, stood up and left to talk to the clerk about getting a cup of hot tea.

"As I was sayin' before I was interrupted, I got a curse. I'm really a guy," she explained.

Rei returned with hot tap water in a cup, which Ranma took and put down on the table next to the bowl of ice cream with half of the portion still left. For some reason, Ami cringed at the sight of this before her expression changed that of disbelief as she stared at the now empty bowl.

Ranma gave a small smile at Rei as a thank-you and took hold of the cup of water. "Blink and you'll miss it," she warned and poured the water over her head, triggering the change back to his male form.

Once again, the Scouts had fallen silent. Ever since Makoto and Ranma had entered the arcade Ami had been fingering the zipper on her bag that Makoto knew to hold the Mercury Computer. Now she looked like she was crying silent tears. Her computer was still inside the bag.

"So, Makoto, what now?" Ranma asked the girl whose right hand had slumped down and was now dangling limp on her side.

"My senpai is a girl and the boy I got to act as my senpai turns into a girl. Why me?" she silently cried. Maybe there was still something she could salvage... he was a martial artist, right?

"I told them that you're a good martial artist -"

"The best," he interjected.

"- the best, so maybe you could show us something you can do?" Makoto finished with a rather obvious fake smile she had trouble keeping on her face.

Ranma looked around and saw the girls nodding, even the bluehaired girl who had been silent until now. He shrugged, why not? He could show an advanced kata of his school and get some workout done at the same time... but they'd have to go outside for maximum effect, somewhere where there was no danger of kids getting in his way.

He looked out through the window. At least the rain had stopped.

* * *

Makoto took the cookies out of the oven and put in another batch of them. She sighed in exasperation. She was feeling a bit better, but she should make some more cookie dough after taking the next batch out.

In hindsight, Makoto realized she should've known better and just ended the charade right then. But no, she had to attempt to salvage something-anything-from the wreck their meeting was turning into. Next time she'd just trust her friends on all matters.

Instead, she had asked Ranma to show off his skills as a martial artist. The alarm bells really should've rung with enough volume to raise the dead when he asked that they move outside for more space and less things that break easily. At least Ami had finally managed to set the Mercury Computer on passive scan.

* * *

By the time the Scouts and Ranma left the arcade for a nearby park the rain had already stopped, leaving puddles of rainwater on the streets.

Once the team reached the park, Ranma turned to face the girls.

"You were a shrine maiden, right?" he asked Rei. Upon her nod he continued, "Then you are very familiar with the concept of ki," he said, cupped his right hand and concentrated for a moment to gather a glowing blue ball of ki on that. He let most of it dissipate and threw the remaining small sphere, no bigger than a pebble, at a nearby cherry tree. The ball was small enough not to do any real damage to the tree, he gathered.

None of the people present had expected what happened then. The sphere hit the tree with a thud as expected, but then the remaining wisps were sucked into the tree whose branches began to shrink, first at a slow pace but which grew ever faster. Finally the metamorphosis ended when the tree had taken a shape resembling that of a woman maybe two and a half metres tall with a skin of bark and hair of twigs, staring at Ranma with her maw in a malicious grin and a glint of hunger in her eyes. Her clothing was little more than a leotard, whose color ranged from light green to grey.

"Never seen that happen before," Ranma remarked as he dodged a flurry of cherry pits the youma sent his way.

The girls scampered away to transform out of Ranma's sight, but hadn't moved so far that they couldn't hear Ranma taunting the youma, who apparently was trying-and failing-to tag the pigtailed boy. This had a minor relieving effect on the girls: at least he didn't appear to be in league with Beryl. On the other hand, it would've been in line with their experiences for Makoto's senpai to be an enemy of the Sailor Scouts.

Soon enough, the Sailor Scouts had transformed and returned at the scene, with Jupiter at the vanguard.

Ranma gave the wooden youma a smirk as he flared his battle aura at the youma. A dozen metres behind him Sailor Jupiter flinched at the light show. Just what kind of person was Ukyo engaged to? And why did she herself have to go to Nerima? Being one of the Sailor Scouts should've been enough for anyone's weirdness factor for life.

Luna, who had appeared with Artemis just in time for the fight, walked next to Jupiter. "Meow, who is that boy, Jupiter?" she whispered.

The whisper wasn't quiet enough, as Ranma's trained ears picked up the sign of impending danger, that is to say the meow, even if not any of the words that followed. His head whipped back to see what had just made that horrifying sound, and saw the small black cat next to a girl with some kind of strange combination of a leotard and a school uniform with a team of more girls dressed in same fashion behind her.

"Meow?" Luna repeated.

* * *

Makoto didn't know what exactly might have scared Ranma so badly, if he didn't think the youma was anything out of the ordinary. Maybe she'd ask Ukyo later on; surely she'd know that as his fiance. But now she opened a new bag of flour and began mixing the ingredients for the next batch of cookie dough.

* * *

A youma over two metres tall didn't faze Ranma in the least, so in reaction to seeing the feline, he sprinted as quickly as he could away from the demon spawn. Given the way the cat was directly behind him as he was facing the youma, the escape manoeuvre meant running directly into the arms of the youma... whose expression had changed at Ranma's flashy show from malice to something of different kind of hunger.

When a female youma has a good-looking boy who had only a few seconds ago been covered from head to toe with the youma equivalent of whipped cream and chocolate sauce laced with a fair dose of aphrodisiac thrown on her lap, the outcome really was not all that far-fetched. Especially considering the high gender imbalance within the forces of the Dark Kingdom. And what if the two had been fighting only a moment before? 'Forgive and forget' never was one of the cornerstones of the Dark Kingdom, but the youma hadn't heard of Beryl or the four generals in months either. Since then she had been following her standing orders, harvesting ki until it was collected from her.

The deciding factor ended being the fact that her superiors weren't there but the boy was.

"Jupiter, what is your senpai doing?" Sailor Venus asked as she stepped up next to her friend with the other Scouts.

Sailor Jupiter could only stare as the youma ravaged the lips of the squirming pigtailed boy. The gall of that... that... insufferable bully! Why couldn't anything go right today!

Sailor Venus could only stare in envy-she'd want to do the very same things to the boy in question if only he hadn't been Makoto's senpai. But no, he has to be also a lover for a youma. Oh the injustice of it all!

Venus blinked at this realization. Injustice! This was a task for the pretty sailor suited champions of truth, love and justice-truth in bringing the boy back from the evil influence of Dark Kingdom, love to be rediscovered between Ranma and Makoto and finally justice in giving Makoto another chance with her senpai!

Yes, this definitely was a task for the Soldier of Love!

* * *

"Bad karma", Makoto reasoned as she watched the cookies bake in the oven. "I'll have to tell them everything tomorrow," she mumbled to herself.

* * *

By the time Sailor Moon had finished her introduction routine, Ranma had recovered enough from the scare Luna had given him to gather his wits. He had first attempted using a pressure point to paralyze the youma's arms, but to no avail as hitting them had no effect whatsoever on the youma. The unleashing of his battle aura only made the youma double the force behind her glomp on him, and conventional attacks didn't appear to faze her in the least. This gave him an idea.

All the other Scouts witnessed the boy stop struggling in the glomp the youma had him in. If they attacked from where they were now, Makoto's senpai would be hurt by their attacks, possibly badly. Their last fight and the related property damage was still fresh on their minds. Makoto moved to take the youma's back, Rei her right flank and Minako the left flank. But then, before their very eyes, the boy began to disappear from view.

"His ki! It's fading!" Mars shouted. Mercury stared at her computer, which was telling the very same thing. But the youma was still hugging and kissing something, judging by the way her tongue wildly flailed in the air. Mars scowled. The boy was either dead or certainly not a human. In either case, Makoto had better have some answers.

Sailor Moon was distressed. Makoto's senpai had died or was captured like Tuxedo Kamen at the time. Her resolve hardened she clenched her fist and reached for her forehead. There would be justice dealt this evening. She couldn't do it until Ranma was out of the way, but now-now it was already too late. "Moon Tiara Action!" she shouted as she threw her tiara at the youma.

The tiara flew true at the midsection of the youma, cutting through the arms she was hugging air with.

"Ow!"

The Scouts blinked. Wasn't that Ranma's voice? And even though the tiara had effectively chopped the youma's arms that had fallen on the ground and were now mere dead branches, the tiara just stopped mid-air and hit the pavement with a sharp cling.

The streets were still riddled with small puddles from the rain that had started as Ranma and Makoto had entered the arcade, and on the street right in front of the youma was one particularly large and deep puddle. Ranma, still utilizing the Umisenken, dropped at the edge of the pavement, well out of the water.

_Wroooooommmm... Splash!_

A speeding car drove past the two fighters, right in the middle of the puddle. The scouts saw the water briefly hit against a silhouette of a boy rubbing his backside.

_Uuuaaa Uuuaaa... Splash!_

The police cruiser driving after the speeding car hit the same puddle, but now the silhouette was that of a young woman holding her trousers up with one hand and shaking her fist at the skies before she slowly faded back into their vision.

"She has a strange magic signature... she might be one of the enemy," said the cat who had told Usagi that Ami Mizuno and Makoto Kino might be working for the Dark Kingdom-until they turned out to be her sisters-at-arms.

"She lives in Nerima," Mercury supplied. Never underestimate the power of Nerima as an excuse.

"Ah. But why is she here?"

Ranma had now fully let go of the Umisenken to examine her trousers, whose drawstring the tiara had just cut and were now under constant danger of falling down in her ankles unless she held them up. The youma had noticed that even if the boy had vanished, the new girl had the same yummy ki as the boy did. Before she could take one more step, though, her world exploded in pain.

"Fire Soul!" Sailor Mars cried as she attacked the youma, lighting the youma like a bonfire who began dancing and trying to smother out the fire, but failing miserably. This had also made Jupiter and Venus pay again attention to the monster of the day and attacked her until the pieces of the monster that were still upright and not burning turned into charcoal and fell down onto the ground.

The enemy defeated, the heroines ran to Ranma who had by now tied the drawstring tighter.

The other Scouts stayed behind as their leader approached Ranma. "Are you okay?" Moon asked her.

Ranma slowly shifted her gaze from her trousers to the eyes and the forehead of Sailor Moon. With one hand she reached for the ground and picked up a tiara that had fallen there. The ground around her was beginning to freeze.

"Yours?" Ranma asked, presenting the tiara at Moon.

"Yes!" Moon cheerfully replied and stepped forward to take the presented weapon. The freshly formed black ice on the ground, however, made her slip and fall on her rump, giving Ranma's shin a kick in the process.

"Owie..."

* * *

Makoto took the cookies out of the oven and sampled their taste.

With the youma burnt to ashes, the fight had ended in a victory for the Scouts. Ranma had left to the arcade soon after he was reassured Makoto and her friends were safe and would be there shortly. For some reason she had the feeling Luna's presence was also a factor... as well as Sailor Mercury.

Oh, she remembered the grin on Sailor Mercury's face quite well. If Makoto hadn't known any better, she would've made her to stop watching that anime show with the redhaired child supergenius.

* * *

The detransformed Scouts were slowly making their way towards the arcade. Makoto had finally let the proverbial cat out of the bag and told that Ranma wasn't really her senpai. She refused going into the messy details at that point, though, and once they got inside the arcade, she told him to just return to Nerima. The gig was up and Rei would have to wait for the explanation.

"Luna, why didn't the tiara cut him like it did his clothing and the youma?" puzzled Ami asked Luna.

"Meow... the tiara has an enchantment to avoid irreparable collateral damage. The magic only prevents it from hurting uncorrupted humans badly," was the answer. "Unfortunately, lightning, water and flames are hard to make as discriminating as the tiara..." The Scouts, Rei excluded, blanched at the memory of their previous fight.

* * *

Makoto took yet another batch of fresh cookies from the oven and wondered where she should put them. All the cookie jars were already filled to the brim with fresh cookies.

She had spent all the flour and chocolate in the house to bake far too many batches of chocolate chip cookies. Far too many for her or the Scouts to eat in their meetings in several months, even when counting in Usagi and her appetite.

There was only one way out she could think of right now.

* * *

At the scene of the fight, a small piece of wood from the youma-possessed cherry tree lay on the grass, halfway submerged in a puddle next to where the cherry tree had stood. In a few hours, the rain broke out again, but the small roots that had grown from the chip and burrowed into the soft ground held the chip firmly in place. The next morning at sunrise a small sapling was there to greet the sun.

It was somewhat complicated to explain at the time, however, why exactly did the sapling's leaves resemble now those of linden trees.

* * *

The following day the doorbell rang at the house of a well-to-do family in Tokyo. A 15-year-old girl with short blond hair cast away the racing news magazine, stood up and slightly adjusted her trousers before walking to open the door. Behind the door she found a girl, maybe a year or two younger than her, clad in a scandalous outfit of white and green.

The younger girl smiled at her. "Hi, I'm Sailor Jupiter. Won't you please support our cause to fight for truth, love and justice by buying Sailor Scout chocolate chip cookies?"

She blinked. Usually the girl scouts to do this routine were younger and and less... talented. And their skirts were not this short either.

"Sorry," she said and closed the door.

"Thank goodness I'm not one of them," she thought before feeling a cold shiver run down her spine. No, Haruka Tenoh would never voluntarily dress up like that in public.

On the other side of the door Sailor Jupiter was not too surprised at this. She let the fake smile down and tallied her experiences so far. Usually it was the men who bought the most boxes whereas women, especially pensioners, more or less did not appreciate her way of dressing. But if she also ignored that she had nearly had to beat down a pervert or two she was surprised at the amount of money she had made with her cookies. A genuine smile slipped on her face. Maybe yesterday wasn't a total loss after all.

* * *

_Omake (or not... your call):_

A few years into the future the Sailor Scout cookies had become a brand to be recognized amongst all the other bakery goods sold by door-to-door salespeople. All the Inners had pitched in to generate sales and Usagi and Rei actually competed on which one could sell most cookies.

The soft-spoken Hotaru Tomoe, or Sailor Saturn, as she was known to a select few, had gathered her courage to ask her adoptive parents if she could try selling cookies as well. Michiru and Haruka quickly agreed to her suggestion. She'd be sure to succeed at the task, and it could only help her to gain some more confidence in herself when dealing with others.

The next Saturday Sailor Saturn nervously rung the doorbell. Her adoptive parents were not far behind trying to keep Moon away from the scene, but this she had to do alone for maximum effect. As the door opened, she put on the sweetest smile she could manage. "Hi, I'm Sailor Saturn. Would you please support the pretty sailor-suited warriors and buy Sailor Scout cookies?"

Unfortunately, the pensioner to open the door was a diabetic and only Saturn's quick hands-on healing saved his life.

It took a few months of intense therapy before Hotaru began to regain any of her former confidence.


	3. Okonomiyaki and Spatulas

Ranma landed without much sound at the porch of the Tendo house after roofhopping from Juuban. It had taken a while, but a bit of exercise was always welcome with the exception of the brief shower of rain she met on her way back. At least this time it wasn't a thunderstorm like it had been a few days ago. Even a hardened martial artist-or the smart ones at least-preferred to avoid acting as a lightning rod.

The sun was already setting down beyond the rooftops of neighbouring houses, and the lights inside the Tendo house were already lit. A few steps and she pulled the door open and announced her return. At that moment three omens of disaster were manifested.

The first sign of trouble was the appearance of Genma and Soun between his back and the door outside. The second sign was Kasumi coming down the stairs. The third and the most decisive one was the smoke and Akane's voice coming from the kitchen.

"Ranma? I made you some curry," the voice called.

Ranma felt two adult hands fall on her shoulders. She let her shoulders slump under the extra weight, both physical and psychological. The signal couldn't have been more obvious: sit down and suck it up.

* * *

Kasumi had gone inside the kitchen to get Ranma some hot water, which he had accepted with a small nod, and open the windows to get the worst of the smoke out of the house. A short while after Ranma had changed back into his male form Akane had come out carrying with her a large bowl of rice and something that looked like... curry. Perfectly ordinary curry.

The weight of the stares from the two fathers pressed heavily on Ranma's back as he took the first bite.

Blink. Another bite. Blink blink.

"Hey, I can eat this stuff," Ranma remarked. Behind him, Akane nearly shed a small smile-a smile Ranma couldn't be let to see. She had toiled long with this dish, and she did know that Ranma would rather have his teeth pulled than complement her cooking any more. Ranma didn't eat the curry with the same gusto as he did the meals Kasumi had prepared, but at a healthy pace nonetheless.

When Ranma was halfway through his first cup, the middle sister decided the day shouldn't end up like this, not without some light entertainment. Honestly, the day had been boring and there was little of any interest on the telly. She gave Ranma's form a quick inspection in case there was a trace of lipstick or... torn pants. Bingo.

"So, where'd you tear your trousers," Nabiki inquired with a smirk. If she got lucky, she'd have something to laugh at for the day in the form of Ranma chewing on his foot. If not, well, the explanation Ranma had to offer alone was more than likely worth it. Maybe she'd even get something worth a few yen out of this.

"Meh, some weird combat cheerleader girls cut the drawstring."

Nabiki boggled at this, then scooted a bit further away from the boy for the sake of her own health. Ranma was well on his way to down not only his foot but also half of his shin.

"Cheerleaders cut the string?" Akane's voice was strained. The semicompliment Ranma had given her was only barely able to keep her temper in check. If Plato's allegory of the chariot was true, then the charioteer of Akane's personality was not all that well in control of the two horses of spirit and appetite and was seriously considering getting off the ride. He was, after all, the voice of reason.

Ranma was still busy eating and without paying all that attention to the discussion replied, "Yah, was in Umisenken and..."

At this point, he felt the first cold shivers of impending doom. A quick look at Akane confirmed this. The charioteer had already jumped off as the horses pulled the chariot over the cliff.

_Uh-oh._

Five seconds later, Akane squeezed her fists in rhythm with her breathing. Ranma, using the forbidden technique near cheerleaders who tore his pants? He must've been peeping and being a pervert with the girls! The cold wind blowing through the hole in the wall Ranma had made on his way out calmed her down a bit. Nabiki was still lying on her stomach in front of the hole in an attempt to become one with the floor in body and soul; she had only barely managed to dive out of the human ballistic missile's way.

"Note to self: make sure Ranma is not between you and Akane when you want some 'light entertainment'," she silently swore to herself.

Meanwhile, Genma had moved in to finish Ranma's dinner. If the boy could eat it and not collapse, then surely it had to be edible. The first sample wasn't that bad, and he ended up eating two more helpings.

The diarrhea didn't kick in until only a few hours after he had finished eating, at which time Ranma was happily at Ukyo's restaurant, eating the first set of okonomiyaki Ukyo now owed him.

* * *

After Makoto had finished selling most of the cookies the next day the Scouts met at Hikawa shrine. There was no question as for what the main topic would be-who exactly was Ranma Saotome and why was he acting as Makoto's senpai? The cherry tree youma would be in a supporting role at best.

Makoto walked up the stairs her head bowed with shame. She hadn't trusted her friends, and this was the result. But she'd weather what they had to tell her. She owed them that much, not only as a friend but a comrade-at-arms.

The girls were already there with Luna and Artemis as she arrived. They looked at Makoto in silence, waiting for her to begin. Ami had put the Mercury Computer on the tabletop to record the story. It was only an unfortunate side effect that the setup was far too much like in a police interrogation. No, she was only positive she'd regret it in the future if she didn't record Makoto's recount of her trip to Nerima and what she knew about Ranma Saotome.

Last night when Ranma was being manhandled by the youma, Minako had already begun drafting plans to get Ranma ditch the youma and get back together with Makoto. Sure, it wasn't a long time, but she had already made a list of items exactly why Makoto was better than the youma... starting with thesplinters he surely wouldn't get from Makoto, even if her domain also included the flora. "I wonder if Ranma got any in his mouth yesterday?" she wondered absently to herself as Makoto sat down across from her. As her thoughts progressed further along these lines, she first blushed before turning as white as a sheet. "That would have to hurt-a lot!"

Rei had spent yesterday evening trying to figure out what exactly was Ranma's problem. Well, Makoto's, too. And how did he disappear from sight like that when the youma had grabbed him? Maybe Ami could tell her something as well... judging by the dark rings under her eyes, she had stayed up last night, analysing the recordings from yesterday.

Usagi... Usagi just wondered why Makoto had with her twice as many cookies as she usually had. Not that she'd complain, far from it!

Makoto breathed in deeply before starting. The keywords in her battle plan were "blunt", "direct" and "honest". "Ranma Saotome is not my senpai. Ukyo Kuonji is."

The silence and the stares implied a question.

"Ukyo's a girl."

Rei groaned. Hadn't they gone through this already yesterday, except that the girl was really a boy and not the other way round?

_Thwack!_

She rubbed the back of her head and turned at Usagi, who was still holding her hand extended after the slap.

"What did you do that for, meatball head!"

Usagi twitched a bit but remained firm. "Let Makoto speak."

The brunette nodded her thanks at her princess. "I learned that she was a girl only yesterday." She fixed her eyes on each of her friends, one at a time. "I was embarrassed."

Makoto's voice lacked the usual perky tone as she recounted the events in Nerima. After she finished, the room fell into silence. The first one to move was Usagi who abruptly stood up, ran over to Makoto and grabbed her in a bear hug that was bound to leave a few bruises on Makoto's frame.

After she had let Makoto go, the other Scouts stood up one girl at a time and walked over to Makoto before hugging her each on their turn. Makoto's mouth turned into a wide smile. She really had true friends to rely on. Now, she had still some unfinished business in Nerima, but that would have to wait until the Scout meeting was over.

* * *

The dinner rush had already abated at the Ucchans and Ranma had collected his two okonomiyaki already an hour ago. Then in through the doors came one person Ukyo hadn't expected to see in a while, not after what Ranma had told her about last Saturday evening.

"Makoto?" Ukyo asked as she saw the junior high girl walking in her restaurant.

"Hello, senpai," was the demure answer.

Ukyo switched most of her focus to preparing an okonomiyaki for another customer. "So, did you enjoy your evening with Ranma?"

"You could've mentioned his curse," Makoto bluntly stated. The mess was in no small part her own fault, she freely admitted, but even so she didn't quite understand why Ukyo hadn't told her of Ranma's condition.

With a brief sigh, Ukyo turned her head from the okonomiyaki to face her junior. "About that, sugah... the curse is one of the least strange things going on here in Nerima and after living here for a while, it's practically normal. Also, the curse is Ranchan's business."

Somewhat grudgingly, Makoto had to admit Ukyo struck home with the latter point. The former point, though... offhanded comments like these made Makoto question her decision. A genderchanging curse is practically normal in here. Even so, she had sworn to herself that she'd see this to the end.

"Sorry."

"No worries, Makoto. Besides, Ranchan told me you weren't trying to kill or marry him," Ukyo replied a casual tone like she had been discussing the weather.

"Kill him?" the younger girl wondered aloud. "Marry him?"

"You weren't the cherry tree or one of those girls who shot something at his butt, were you?"

"No!" Makoto exclaimed. Ukyo had sounded like she was serious. Yes, he annoyed her a lot, but not enough for her to want to strike him. Besides... she doubted she could land a hit in the first place anyway if the way he danced around the youma yesterday was of any indication. And as for marrying him, she didn't deem the question worthy of an answer.

"Senpai, actually, this wasn't the reason I came here."

Ukyo raised her eyebrow and gave a grin at Makoto. Somehow Makoto felt the effect on her was by far lesser now that Ukyo wasn't dressed as a pretty boy but in an okonomiyaki vendor's outfit.

"So, what was it then?"

"Can you now start teaching me your Art?" she asked with a small waver in her voice.

Ukyo flipped the okonomiyaki again and turned to look at Makoto. She had never expected Makoto to take up on her offer... and the condition upon that offer. And after yesterday, she had been even more certain about that.

"You have improved your cooking then?"

"My friends consider me a good cook."

"I'll be the judge of that. Someday this week you'll bring me a bento you have made on your own. Then we'll see how much you have improved."

Makoto nodded solemnly. She was the fighter of the Scouts, and if Ukyo was still willing to oversee her training and teach her, she'd take the chance, in spite of the utter demolition of her romantic dreams of her senpai and his young student... the intense training session on the rooftop as the sun set behind the mountains, only to have the fire shift from the sun to their eyes and chests...

She quickly shook such thoughts out of her head. "I'll be coming tomorrow."

Makoto wished Ukyo the best and left the restaurant to do some grocery shopping. She'd make the next bento of hers the best one she had ever made.

* * *

Time flew past and things changed both in Nerima and Juuban. Ranma and Ms. Hinako faced principal Kuno in the meditating room mess-up around the same time as the Scouts were dealing with Chibi-Usa's arrival. Ukyo had found Makoto's cooking good enough and taken her as a student and a helper at her restaurant. So far, the student had avoided getting involved in the fiance wars, but it was only a question of time when she'd finally be involved in it somehow.

It had been three weeks since Makoto had begun her training. It was once again Saturday and Makoto was found cleaning the tables with a dust cloth when Ranma entered the restaurant through the door. The last time the entrance had been through the roof.

"Yo, Makoto, Ucchan!"

"Hi, Ranma. Ukyo's in the back room, if you want to see her. But, guess what?"

"Uhm... Tsubasa gave up on both Ukyo and you?"

Makoto shook her head with a grin.

"She gave ya a training spatula?"

"No. She'll let me try cooking okonomiyaki here for customers!"

It had taken a while, but the annoyance Makoto felt at Ranma had mostly dissipated and the two had grown casual friends of a sort. In the beginning of their training, Ukyo had set down her foot and told Makoto in clear words that she had to be civil with her Ranchan lest her chances as prospective Mrs Saotome take a nosedive.

And after eating those magic mushrooms, the 6-year-old Ranma had been so cute... even with the coarse language she used. She had also grown to understand how Ukyo could be so fixated on Ranma, but it didn't mean she'd be following in her footsteps in the race after Ranma.

* * *

In Juuban a small cherry tree, who responded to the name Bloma, fumed. She, a youma of Beryl's forces, had been beaten by a ragtag team of five girls-and that oh so tasty boy who had saved her from that awful tiara by blocking it with his very body. Oh how her leaves fluttered at the memory of him, the exquisite taste, the wiry build...

She shook her branches in an attempt to clear her mind, nearly dropping two pigeons off of them in the process. They squawked angrily and pecked a few times at the branch they had been sitting on before taking off to fly to safer places.

The ki she had collected from the boy had been enough to let her quickly regenerate from the chip she had placed her centre in before sacrificing the rest of her body. That had been burned to cinders with the majority of her own energy reserves, but with the boon from the boy she had survived with her head high. Well, figuratively speaking at least. Or not.

If she were to assume her humanoid form right then, she'd barely top half a metre in height. No, she had to admit to herself that the battle with the Scouts had not gone well at all. She still couldn't replenish her reserves from the Dark Kingdom. Instead she would have to drain the humans of their life energy to use as a substitute, and that course of action had certain dangers. Even if ki was tasty, any qualified youma nutritionist would call such a diet decidedly unhealthy.

The tree youma had taken root next to a path that many people seemed to favour in that park. The path seemed to be particularly popular with people walking their pets, and this morning she had seen already five dogs of varying size. At least they sensed that there was something wrong with the tree and marked their territory someplace else.

She was interrupted from her musings by one more young couple walking by. They had their fingers intertwined and for the most part both saw only the irises of their partner. This became evident as they tripped on a dog leash. And all the time, Bloma sucked the ki aura of contentedness and love from them like she had done to a number of couples before these two.

The pigtailed boygirl made a comeback with a vengeance in her dreamscape. In her dreams, she was now in her full hybrid form; half tree, half humanoid. The boygirl would sit on her branches, feeding her with the constant emotion of adoration and love. In return, she would bend her branches at him so that he could pluck her cherries and spit the pits at the people groveling before their feet, in particular the Scouts and the other youma she knew from the Dark Kingdom.

By the next night, the tree had again grown a few more centimetres with the power from the drained ki. Soon, she thought, soon she'd have grown back to her full height and be prepared to find her one true hero.

* * *

The Ucchan's opened to let in a team of middle school girls. It had been over a month since Ukyo agreed to teach Makoto, but only now did the Scouts agree to Makoto's suggestion to visit the Ucchan's to meet her sensei.

One could argue they had been wise in not coming there before, as with the exception of the warrior of Jupiter the girls were now casting nervous glances constantly everywhere around them, Rei trying her best not to look disturbed in the least. They might have been the fighters for love and justice, fearless on the field of battle, but things were considerably simpler there than in Nerima.

"Hi and welcome to the Ucchan's!" Ukyo greeted the girls. The girls failed to respond and just stood there at the doorway. "Take a seat, will you?" Still no reaction.

"What's up with them?" Ukyo asked Makoto.

"Beats me," Makoto replied and moved to sit on the seats next to the griddle.

Ukyo gave the matter a mental shrug. Discarding the topic from her mind she turned to face the girls. "So, you're Makoto's friends?"

"Yep!" came the chipper, yet obviously forced reply from a girl with long blond ponytail and a red bow in her hair. Behind her, a blue haired girl was busy using a small, blue calculator or something.

The chef very nearly slapped her own head with the spatula as the realization struck her. It was their first time in Nerima, after all.

"See anything interesting on your way here?" she asked the new girls.

"Taro," Makoto replied as no apparent reply was forthcoming. "And Tofu and Betty. He's actually gotten a bit better."

"Dancing or withstanding Kasumi?"

"Dancing. You should've seen how he dipped Betty and -"

"Betty's the skeleton?" Rei interjected.

"Yes, and he's a local kampo practitioner."

"He's a doctor?" Ami asked, letting her attention stray away from her computer.

Most of the tension had left the girls, who were now slowly sitting down next to Makoto.

"Is he a good doctor?" Rei had trouble understanding how he could act as a doctor. Dancing in the streets with a skeleton certainly didn't really help a stranger in building his credibility as a healer.

"Yes, but he just gets like that whenever Kasumi, she's a girl he fancies, comes by. And she's pretty much oblivious to it," Ukyo waved the matter aside with a wave of her hand.

"Has he tried leaving Nerima for a while to learn some self control?" Ami wondered. The Mercury Computer had been now set back to passive scan mode and placed in her bag.

"No no no, he should go right now to confess to her." Minako emphasized her disagreement on the idea with a quick shake of her head. "Besides, like they say, absence just makes the heart grow a fender."

Ami's voice was the first one to break the silence that had suddenly descended. "Fonder, Minako, fonder."

The botched quote made Ukyo think. What if it was a good idea for her to take some distance to Ranma? Would Ranma then realize what he had in her? And how much would she be willing to gamble on it? Wouldn't the other fiances move in like vultures and take up her place as Ranchan's closest friend and the cute fiance? Fonder or a fender?

Some time ago, Akane had given her some insight on the various plans the Amazons had had to get Ranma's graces on their side, and one of these was the Reversal Jewel. Ukyo rested her chin on her hands on the tabletop and let her brows scrunch in contemplation. It had worked for them, and Shampoo hardly was a top contender in the fiance race.

"Sensei... the okonomiyaki?"

Makoto's voice woke Ukyo from her thoughts before she hastily flipped the okonomiyaki over. She had nearly burned it, and if Makoto had told the truth about how much the girl with twin ponytails ate, she'd better make very good first impressions in case she relocated the Ucchan's to Juuban.

No, this was certainly not the time to start planning how to win Ranchan. She put her best smile on. "So, what sort of okonomiyaki will it be for you guys?"

* * *

It hadn't taken long for Makoto to learn the essentials of Ukyo's Art, as the other Scouts learned soon enough. Their latest foe vanquished before them in a shopping mall in Juuban, the Scouts turned to face Sailor Jupiter with worry evident in their eyes. Luna and Artemis were whispering to each other not far away, casting a glance every now and then at Sailor Jupiter, who returned the concern of her team mates with a dumbfounded stare. "What? Do I have something on my face?"

Venus stepped up before the others. "Jupiter, we're friends. And we're worried about you. The attack you used... the cats say the warrior of Jupiter has never used an attack like that."

"Eh-hehehhee..." the brunette nervously laughed.

"And is that a proper name for an attack for any of the Scouts? 'Jackass'?" Luna piped in, strutting next to Sailor Venus, who had picked up Artemis and put him on her shoulder.

Jupiter rubbed the back of her head with her right hand, which held the huge spatula with electricity still crackling around it. As she did that, the flat end of it nearly grazed the metal hand railing on which Minako was leaning with her left hand.

_Zzap. Poof._

"No more 'Jackass' near metal objects?" Sailor Mars slowly ground out, peeking behind Sailor Venus's long hair that had gained a fair amount more... volume to it. The audience that was gathering around them quietly snickered at the sight.

Jupiter shook her head with embarrassment. Then she looked at Artemis and very nearly broke out laughing. Never before had the pet name Minako had given Artemis been more appropriate.

A white fluffy furball with small little eyes and whiskers somewhere in there attempted to give an indignant glare at Sailor Jupiter, failing miserably.

From the audience, the shout of a teenage boy stood out.

"It's a tribble!"

Artemis only let out an undignified meowl.

Behind a corner not far away, Ranma had been watching the fight. Her mother had just dragged her off to buy Akane and her some more girly clothes-brrh, frilly bras-once again under the guise of Ranko Tendo when she noticed the same combat cheerleaders she had seen at the part well over a month ago. She had quickly led her mother and Akane-in spite of her heavy protests-away before quickly sprinting back to witness the scene, so that she could pay all of her attention to the fight. Last time the monster had gotten her by surprise, but the girls had some really powerful techniques at their disposal, and she'd be sure to learn them. Sooner or later, they'd all be after her anyway at some point for some reason.

Her eyes were focused on the girl with the green skirt, trying to recall where exactly had she seen the girl before. In the meantime, her mind was doing some abstract algebra.

The girl had used a huge spatula. The girl had called the monster a jackass and accompanied the statement with a swing of the spatula.

Even if Ranma knew Makoto was being trained in the art of martial arts okonomiyaki cooking, she usually connected attacks to the person who attacked her with it. Henceforth the conclusion was inevitable, in spite of the differences in hair color and voice. A silent question was raised before Ranma left the scene without making a sound to return to her mother and Akane.

"Ucchan?"

* * *

_Omake: How the Scouts arrived in Nerima_

Four weeks had passed after Ukyo had agreed to take Makoto as her student. She was now a regular help at Ukyo's restaurant. The pay wasn't much, but the training she received was certainly worth it. It had taken a week of talking, but finally Makoto had persuaded the Scouts to come to Nerima to meet Ukyo.

"Next stop: Nerima," the loudspeakers announced to the Scouts.

"Nerima," Minako said, a cold shiver running up, down and back up her spine.

"Nerima," Rei repeated with a reverent tone.

"It's only the announcement," Makoto muttered.

Like the other times Makoto had arrived in Nerima via a train, the passengers cowered away from the train doors. Only this time the five Scouts were all standing apart from the rest, tightly huddled together before the door with the exception of Makoto.

The doors opened to show a flying six-armed woman battling a minotaur with wings and tentacles on his back. People at the station calmly watched the fight or just read a newspaper or manga, except for the young man who waltzed his way past the station holding a skeleton in his hands.

Makoto, who was alarmingly well-adjusted to the chaos inherent to Nerima, stepped out unfazed by the display, but the other Scouts remained inside the train car.

"On second thought, let's not go there. It's a scary place," Usagi stuttered.

The rest of the Scouts nodded frantically in agreement as the train doors slid closed again, the girls still inside.

A bit further down the track a sickly green glow flashed out. The engine driver saw the glow fade out, took out his binoculars and checked the track before the train.

With a long and particularly deep sigh he put down the binoculars and turned on the microphone to address the passengers.

"Ladies and gentlemen; an unexpected occurrence has changed our terminal point to Nerima. Please, step out of the train."

* * *

_**AN:** The plot outline has been sketched, the potential pairings limited to two (plus a no pairing option). Sheez, a plot in a fic like this... I must be crazy-wait, I am. Yes, this fic does have the error that the youmas drain ki for themselves instead of working as conduits to Beryl. However, this is the core of my plans for the fic and I won't be changing that. Hopefully I manage to turn it into something original._

_The idea of Ukyo being Makoto's senpai was apparently not a new one but was used in at least one other fanfic. I haven't read it and I won't read it as long as I'm writing this fic, wherever it'll lead me._

_The cheap shots on Nerima being weird will end now. They're already stale (and the key players are already familiar with Nerima with the exception of Bloma anyway). Also the style will shift towards a more serious one._

_Previewed yet again on Fukufics forums. Thanks to the guys & gals who pointed out at least some errors in the story for me to fix._

_(kampo: traditional Japanese medicine, says Wikipedia.)_


	4. The Stage is Set

It took a while to get from Furinkan High to the Ucchan's by foot, but Ukyo preferred to walk the distance rather than taking a bus. She had to keep herself in shape to retain her title as the cute fiance, and remaining fit was one element in that.

Besides, it didn't take all that long to get there. Although she had been astounded by the number of times she had recently almost gotten doused in rain, sprinkler water, splashes from puddles as cars passed her, drinks arguing couples threw at their dates' faces only to miss them and so on. And to keep the track record clean for today as well, as soon as she entered the restaurant a sudden rainstorm broke out. It was uncanny. If she didn't know better, whereas Ranma had become a water magnet with his curse, she had now become a near miss water magnet... if there could be such a thing.

Nah, what a ridiculous idea that was.

Speaking of Ranma... Ranma had begun behaving strangely a few days back. He wasn't running away from her, but wasn't all that eager to talk about anything with her either.

Was he seeing someone new now? Her hand absently caressed the spatula bandolier she had on before focusing on to play with the handle of the the topmost throwing spatula. What could she do about it? On the other hand, this provided an excellent opportunity to try playing hard to get. Of course the apparent fact that he wasn't even trying to get her was a major problem. Or was he just trying to get a stranglehold on his love to her before it overpowered him?

Outside the Ucchan's on the opposite side of the street a pigtailed girl grumbled quietly to herself. Every time when she had been trailing Ukyo, trying to see how she had become the green-skirted cheerleader the curse would be triggered one way or the other. And Ukyo herself would not get even one drop on her.

Ranma did acknowledge some of his faults, and inability to tell a lie with a straight face was one of them. Acting in the way of deception was another. After the two Gambling King incidents, Ukyo in particular was quite well aware of the fact. The means of covering it up were not really all that suitable either... Ukyo would connect the dots as soon as she turned up her head covered in bandages and dark sunglasses hiding her eyes.

No, first she'd try to trail Ukyo and see if she were able to figure out the secret behind her attacks. The greenskirt and her friends had beaten that one tree in Juuban, which was something Ranma had failed to do. But she would learn that attack and show she could do it as well. After all, she was the best.

Obviously Ukyo had gone to great lengths to keep her secret identity exactly that: secret. Ranma had little reason to expect Ukyo would just agree to teach him the lightning technique if she asked her. Well, unless she gave in return something... say, her hand for instance, and that was asking a bit too much. And she wouldn't ask a girl to teach her in the first place, her ego made sure of that.

The sudden downpour had already ended as soon as it had picked up. Ranma sighed before jumping off to get some hot water at the Tendos. The mystery behind Sailor Ucchan, the warrior with the shock spatula, would have to wait for now.

* * *

Watching the grass grow can get boring. In that respect, trees aren't all that different... except for certain cases.

If Bloma hadn't been in her tree form, she would've sighed long and had that faraway gaze in her eyes usually reserved to those in love.

Yet another couple came to her. This had been a frequent occurrence lately; the heart-shaped leaves of hers and the early and long time of blooming were turning her into a new sight for lovers. Of course, her reputation hadn't carried quite all that far yet, but it would. Oh, it would indeed.

"Oh, what wondrous leaves," they'd say. "And blossoming so long before the Cherry Blossom Front arrives in Tokyo."

"But it is not half as beautiful and amazing as you," the other would reply. Sometimes, if only rarely, the line was laden with even more syrup, nearly making Bloma gag on it.

"Aw, you always say the sweetest things..."

And in the process, Bloma would keep on feasting upon the emotion of love within the two. The lovers would only feel like they were losing themselves in the presence of their beloved. Ah, the sweet love of hers for the pigtailed boy...

She might not have realized it, but the emotion ki she had absorbed from the people was affecting her greatly. Every shred of ki filled with the emotion of love she drained would strengthen that emotion within her. Had Cologne been aware of her, she would have seen this coming. Like the Lion Roar Shot and the Pride of the Fierce Tiger, the use of emotion ki would bolster that emotion. Every time she sampled the emotions of the lovers that approached her, her crystal would start sparkling faster and brighter, and she would remember the boy with ever deeper longing.

In Nerima, Ranma had a bad feeling things were going to get even more complicated. "Feh, whatever it is, I can handle it," he decided and went to pick up his backpack. It was time for a brief training trip with Pops.

Soon after the two martial artists left the house, the daytime soap opera on television ended. Kasumi, who had been the only one watching it, turned the age-old apparatus off. She had to go shopping for groceries; maybe today she might try a bit different teriyaki sauce with the chicken.

Had she remained there to watch the following programme, a report on the cherry tree that they claimed to have gained the name "Lover's Cherry Tree" in Juuban. The video signal changed to show a video clip of the tree itself from a distance. "Even if art often imitates nature, then now nature imitates art. Or is it nature imitating nature?"

"As surprising as it is, this is indeed a cherry tree, even if the most unusual shape of the leaves would suggest otherwise," the narrator rambled. The overly enthusiastic voice fit well in the rest of the sensationalist style of the programme, not really falling short of the shows claiming that the Mt. Horai collapsed because a giant llama spat at the so-called "Breaking Point" of the mountain.

"These leaves are what have given the tree this particular nickname. Furthermore, the tree has been blooming full for over a month now. The other nearby cherry trees are expected to begin their blooming within one week. Botanists from a number of gardens have been inquiring the city garden for a permission to clone the tree and breed it into a commercial product, but this reveals another mystery."

"The ward gardeners deny ever planting such a tree. What is the mystery behind this tree? Two months ago, a fight in which the so-called Sailor Scouts were involved in a disturbance that was reported by a number of locals. Is there a connection between these events and this most unusual cherry tree?" The signal had now changed from the narrator walking near the park to a fuzzy still shot of what the caption claimed to represent Sailors Moon and Mars... apparently with Mars pulling on Moon's hair.

"Don't go away; right after these commercials we will be interviewing a geneticist who claims to have developed means to transform men into free lunches."

* * *

Once again Ryoga had been wandering again for days trying to find Nerima and the Tendo house. He had gotten lost as he attempted to make his way to the park where he was supposed to meet Akari for a date, but ended up in another park instead. And wherever he looked, he saw Ranma ridiculing him.

Take for instance the tree before him. The branches of the said tree were growing into a shape of a bust. Complete with a pigtail and that same insufferable grin. Even worse were the heart-shaped leaves of the tree, mocking how he was so loved, unlike him.

This was no natural phenomenon, he knew that much. Saotome-that cad-must have been gallivanting here, too! Wherever 'here' was, anyway.

His aura of depression flared, enough to singe some of the leaves on the tree. Bloma couldn't help it but sample some of the aura, and immediately afterwards wished she didn't as the effects made themselves known. "I'll never see the pigtailed boy again," she cried within her mind.

The depression and desperation she felt was deep enough for her to lose the lock on her tree form and revert to her humanoid form. She hadn't yet recovered even half of her lost height as a tree after the big fight. Even if she grew much faster than a normal tree, this was still too soon after the battle for her to even dream of being of normal size.

To her luck, the bandanna-clad boy before the tree was too deeply delved in his depressed thoughts and didn't notice how the tree morphed into a form of a girl only a bit over a metre tall. She could've easily be mistaken for a preteen if it weren't for the proportion of her head to her body, which was that of an adult and not an adolescent. Naturally her curves also helped to reach this conclusion. The clothing that had appeared all too skimpy on her when she had been in her full size now appeared as a loose skirt that reached her knees and a baggy top. Her skin had also, for some unknown reason, become smoother and lighter than it had been in the previous fight. That escaped her attention, though, as only one thought hammered itself firmly into her mind.

"I'll never see him again," she cried aloud, breaking Ryoga from his less pleasant thoughts. "I'll never feel the love of the pigtailed boy again!"

That clinched it for Ryoga. "Curse you, Ranma Saotome, for making a girl cry!" he shouted, flaring out his aura of anger and depression once more.

Fighting the urge to bawl her eyes out and only barely succeeding, Bloma looked up at him, sap trickling down her cheeks in twin streams. Maybe she could use this fool to her own ends and get to him... Ranma Saotome without having to really look for him. And even if she certainly didn't want to feast on this boy's ki any more, she believed she had a fair amount more than necessary energy to follow him until they found Ranma. The desperation gave way to reason as she started the play on her part.

"You know him?"

_Sniffle._

In Ryoga's head, gears creaked and turned. If he showed both Akane and this girl the sins Saotome had committed, maybe the both of them would leave Ranma wallowing in the dust like the girl he was and come running to his side. He didn't have the chance to stay in his dreams all that long before the depression gave way to a nosebleed. When he remembered Akari, the nosebleed only intensified.

The subtle change in the ki aura of his didn't go unnoticed. "Pervert," Bloma thought with disdain directed at the boy. Still, he was her best chance to find this Ranma.

* * *

A few days from that Makoto had again come to her lessons at the Ucchan's. The last time she had been there she had only barely managed to avoid a cultural clash of great magnitude. For some, being called an Amazon was something to be proud of, unlike her. At least the great-grandmother of the offended party had explained things before challenges were issued.

Makoto shivered. Soon after that incident Ukyo had given a quick summary of Ranma's history with the Chinese Amazons. She wanted little of the baggage Ranma was carrying with him. Still, the Amazon elder had given her a stare that made her quite uncomfortable. It was as if she was being appraised like a chunk of meat, only much deeper than a pedantic health care inspector would do in a sleazy pub.

She came to a stop as she saw Ukyo standing at the corner of the street, still dressed in her boy's school uniform. Before her on the street bounced a short and busty redhead, dressed to kill in a deep red miniskirt and a bit lighter red sleeveless top, and practically molesting men of various ages. Most of the men let out indignant shouts, where as the perverts did the same but only if they had been left untouched.

"Ranchan," Ukyo growled. This caught the attention of the pigtailed girl. Glimmer, glitter and sparkles filled the air around the redhead as she clasped her hands below her chin, her eyes tearing up. Makoto could've sworn she heard two cherubs singing arias as well before the girl launched herself at Ukyo.

As Ukyo got a bundle of hyperactive redhead jump onto her lap she had to take a step backwards to stay upright. "Hey, what're you doing?"

The only response Ukyo got to that question was a wide grin fit for a cat that ate the canary and a kiss straight on the lips.

Makoto turned her head aside and raised her hands to her eyes, her cheeks glowing bright pink. "I'm as bad as Ami!" she admonished herself. On the other hand, she guessed Ami would've just fainted at that display of unilateral tongue techniques. Was this a sort of Martial Arts skill as well?

Wait a second, how did she know what was going on in there? Oh... she had turned her head back and was peeking between her fingers at the show. And was she really considering asking the girl to teach her?

Her senpai was still shell-shocked and practically frozen as a statue as the shorter girl hung on her neck. Soon, though, the passion in the kiss ground to a halt as understanding dawned on the pigtailed girl.

"You're... a girl."

Ukyo and Makoto both stared at the redhead whose expression quickly changed into a grimace.

"Ewww!" the girl uttered and made gagging sounds that stopped as suddenly as the flat of a battle spatula struck the top of her head, courtesy of Ukyo.

"Jackass!"

"Oy, Ucchan, Makoto, have ya seen... her?" Ranma called as she came running at the three girls, dressed in nearly identical fashion to the another redhead, but only with creamy white colouring to the skirt and the top.

Makoto and Ukyo counted the toll. One Ranma, skidding into a stop before them. Another Ranma, knocked out at their feet.

"Who are you and who is she?" Ukyo and Makoto both demanded from Ranma.

Ranma walked up to the girl lying on the ground and picked her up on her shoulders.

"She, well, she's not given her name to us yet. Me, I'm Ranma, of course."

The two girls didn't quite seem to believe Ranma just like that. Also, she was still planning on finding out more about Ukyo's secret. "You guys going to the Ucchan's? I'll tell ya on the way there."

* * *

Bloma silently cursed as she was lying on Ryoga's back. She had no idea where she was or if she was any closer to finding Ranma. At least they were no longer in the desert. She had already given up trying to figure out where they were and had buried her face in Ryoga's backpack.

The trip had really worn Bloma out. Even if the boy that had been carrying her for a good while now, she had grown weak as she couldn't drain his ki because, well, it tasted simply awful and made her feel even worse, as if her insides were convulsing and being corroded away. With no other exterior energy sources available, she had had to use her already small Dark Kingdom energy reserves in larger proportion to the drained ki she still had left.

Transforming back into a tree and taking a breather was also out of the question because she couldn't follow the boy-the boy bearing the umbrella was now her best way of finding her hero, especially now that she had no clue where she was. The height of the sun on the sky seemed to change quite liberally as well; one moment it was midnight and the other it was either late afternoon or early morning.

The boy had kept talking about her crush and where he could be found. Nerima, Furinkan High and the Tendo dojo were apparently the places where Ranma spent most of his time, and as soon as she got close to any of these, she'd ditch her ride. "Let your darling child travel," the byword said. She was already quite willing to amend the saying with "but not with this boy."

Bloma felt a chilly wind blow against her skin. Chilly? She looked up to find Ryoga and her standing atop a icy wasteland.

"Where the Moon are we now?" she cursed in a language the boy carrying her didn't understand.

* * *

"- and then she jumped out of the mirror," Ranma said as she shook the still unconscious redhead on her shoulder to point out exactly to whom she was referring.

The four girls had just reached Ukyo's restaurant as Ranma's tale was winding up to a close. The story of a European mansion in the middle of a forest and a magical mirror inside was not really all that hard to believe.

Ranma left the mirror clone in the restaurant's front room and made certain to stay out of the back when Ukyo and Makoto were changing into their uniforms.

Ukyo came back to the restaurant side before Makoto did, headed for the kettle and filled it with tap water. "I'll put the kettle on," she commented.

"Don't bother, I got no change of clothes with me anyway. She, on the other hand..." Ranma finished by taking the kettle of cold water and splashing it onto the unconscious redhead.

"What did you do that for?" the now drenched girl began, but then she saw Ukyo. "Oh, it's the tomboy."

This time the mirror clone didn't wake up until she had been dragged back to the Tendo house.

* * *

Ryoga had once again stopped to ask for directions from a bypasser. The last three times no one had understood what he was asking, no matter the language he used. The intense language course known as wandering across the world often helped, but he had now had just bad luck. At least the surroundings looked like they might've been in a Japanese suburb.

"Can you tell me the way to Nerima?"

"Uh, you are in Nerima, boy."

Counter to the norm, Ryoga felt nearly elated. That was much more than the usual state of depression he was in. His passenger also felt prudent to perk up at this piece of news. Were they finally close to their destination?

"What direction is Tendo dojo or Furinkan High then?"

The man raised his left hand and pointed sideways at a large building.

"Furinkan High."

Bloma took this as her cue to get off the ride. She barely managed to jump over the stone fence to the schoolyard and ran over to a small patch of trees. A quick glance around her confirmed she was alone and no one was watching her, as the boy had gotten lost again and the man had continued on his way away from the school. A quick thrust of her feet buried her toes into the soil where they transformed into roots. Her skin was again becoming again more like tree bark, losing the light tone and taking a darker, rougher texture. The feeling of nutrients flowing through her roots brought her immense relief.

It would take some time to recover, but if she had properly understood what the boy with no sense of direction had told her, she'd see Ranma soon enough. And if he really was as evil as her ride had claimed... their future together looked particularly promising.

Maybe they'd even get to see Hell together!

* * *

_Extra: Fanon Clichés? Are They Tasty?_

Ranma and his significant other sat on a bench near the place where they had first met and had their first fight. Ranma was looking all around them, just waiting for something to happen. The girl beside him sensed the change in his ki and leveled a concerned look at his eyes.

"Who are you looking for," she asked with a frown. Wasn't she enough?

"It's been too quiet for too long. Someone from Nerima is bound to appear," Ranma said and finished with a sigh and a weary smile at her.

"Stop worrying-it's not like you can expect that to happen," she admonished Ranma.

Crickets chirped in the background. The two of them looked around a few times before she repeated, "I said, it's not like you can expect that to happen."

Someplace else, wrapped in a red robe on top of a big rack a small potbellied black pig slept and dreamt about why he felt like he was supposed to be preparing to do something.

* * *

_Extra: Fanon Clichs? Are They Tasty? The Sequel!_

"Where am I?" Ranma's mirror clone asked as she stepped out of the mirror.

At another time in a place out of time where a gate was showing that particular time and place Sailor Pluto gasped.

"By Serenity, there's two of them."

She picked up a pack of prescription level painkillers. Sometimes, it paid to have an MD.

The mirror clone spoke again in the image projected by the Gates of Time. "... call me Princess Garnet."

"Well, better Garnet than Beryl... but what was it about her..." Pluto mused, trying to recall why Prince Endymion's little sister gave her shivers. The answer was soon forthcoming, too soon.

"Where's Endy-oniichan?" The words alone revealed little. No, it was the tone in the voice. To complete the image, only a talking black cat with huge ears and a certain gothic look to her would've been required.

Genma, for his part, had already connected the dots aptly named "princess", "his child" and "money".

"Daughter!" said the sign the panda was now waving.

Pluto stared at the Gates, then at the pills on her hand before tossing them away. No, this time her headache would need something stronger. Sometimes, it was better to be a veterinarian than a doctor, she thought, as she picked up a tranquilizer dart with drug potent enough to knock out an elephant.

_**AN: ** This story is now on hold until I get enough interest to continue it and manage to keep it from turning any more serious than it has already become. Once again this was previewed on Fukufic forums. DCG and Akuma-sama gave me feedback on my plans for the story. Blame no one but me for the shortcomings in this chapter, as I wanted this out of my hands and mind ASAP._

_Anyway, the key players are now all in Nerima and the stage is set. The story how the mirror clone came to be is in manga vol 35; read it from there if you're so inclined. In case you have such fears, this story won't follow the manga story arcs after this except for one place. So, Konatsu won't be coming to Nerima._


End file.
