Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries 1. The Parking Lot

POV? - Someone in Merlotte's

I'm sitting in Merlotte's for the third time this week waiting for something interesting to happen in this boring, podunk town. There's a little extra excitement tonight because the Bon Temps High School football team won their big play-off game. Not surprising though, it's oddly tense and rowdy in the bar, which happens whether we win or lose. For some reason though, when we win people seem even more eager to fight. As a matter of fact, the last time BTHS won a divisional game Kevin and Kenya came into Merlotte's four times in one night to break up fights.

Tonight seems to be headed in the same direction. The guys nearest the TV, for example, keep making the waitresses change the channels because they can't stop arguing about sports. They fluctuate between football, some basketball game, and NASCAR. Typical redneck sports fans. Every night is exactly the same in this backwater town. Maybe I should move to Shreveport or something. Nothing interesting ever happens here!

The night takes on a slightly more colorful tone when Sookie walks past me towards the loud, redneck idiots. It strikes me that she looks abnormally anxious to leave. She usually seems happy to be here, but she keeps looking at her watch like she has a date or something. 'Maybe she has some vamp waiting at home to suck her dry,' I think to myself. She's so weird. I can't imagine being bitten like that, let alone liking it. Everyone says she's crazy though, so maybe that's why she only dates vamps. She really does seem nuts sometimes. Just look at her odd expression.

She's pretty and all, but every time she gets close to people she makes strange faces. A few minutes ago, she dropped off a plate of food to the sports nuts table and one of the guys grabbed her arm. 'Big deal,' I think, 'She's a waitress. What's she expect?' With the way she carried on, you'd think the guy burned her or something. She seemed so insulted when she pulled her arm away. 'Maybe because he's warm and fangless, she didn't enjoy the attention.'

This time, one of the guys stands up when she brings them another plate of wings and pulls her in for a big kiss. He must not be too familiar with the area because everyone around here knows that it's dangerous to touch her. I mean she has nice tits and all, but she really is truly strange. Not to mention the odd, menacing company she keeps. If not that moody Vampire Bill that lives near the old cemetery, the huge, intimidating blonde from Shreveport would sooner rip someone's head off than ask questions when it comes to her.

I don't know what all of these strange characters see in her anyway. A little while ago, she was seeing another giant man who I was told was some kind of cage fighter. I also heard that the big, blonde vampire killed him. I wouldn't be surprised even a little bit. Lots of people seem to die when they spend time around her.

If the sports fan knew any better, he'd steer very clear of Crazy Sookie Stackhouse, the trouble magnet. No sooner did the man grab her ass and knock her and an entire tray of drinks over, did the big blonde rush through the front door with the force of a hurricane to stand between the waitress and the drunk. Even though I haven't done anything to make him angry, I am scared to death.

Somehow and for some reason, even with his fangs bared, he kisses her passionately. Man, she is so weird! Why isn't she scared he'll rip her lips off with those things? They look sharp and dangerous. But she seems calmed by him.

'Hell,' I think, 'At least something interesting is happening in this boring place.' The vampire says while glaring at the drunk fool from the corner of his eye, "I was waiting at your house for your shift to end when I felt your fear. I flew right over, but clearly I was not fast enough." Just like I'd thought, she had an appointment to donate blood, but not to the Red Cross. How can he _feel_ her from miles away anyway? She's **so** weird! Wait, did he just say he flew here? He sure must drive fast to get here so quickly after the man knocked her down, unless he meant literally fly. I thought flying vamps were just made-up stories.

Sam has the drunk guy held by the scruff of the neck. 'Man, Sam's sure strong for a little guy.' He starts forcing the drunk towards the door saying something about how he's going to drive him home himself so he knows the trouble-maker doesn't drive drunk or fall victim to a Viking's revenge, while eyeing the tall vampire. Is this guy really a fucking Viking! Holy Shit! He is so fucking old.

The vamp's fangs get even longer, if that's possible, when Sookie shows him the cut on her arm. The gash looks deep and he looks hungry. At this moment, I'm scared of him and scared for her, but she looks perfectly content. She's **so weird**!

If I had even a paper cut in front of an undead bloodsucker, I'd be scared shitless. But she looks relieved he's there and she has a gushing wound. To the vamp's credit, I would have expected him to go nuts at the sight of blood and although he looks a little wide-eyed at the injury, he's still very much in control.

Sam is close enough to me that I hear him mumble, "Sook, you need to have that tended to, just make sure he take care of you discreetly. Use my office or go out back or something, away from the customers so nobody sees." Sam glances around and I shift my eyes so he doesn't suspect that I'm listening. Me and everyone else in Merlotte's. She agrees, but I'm surprised that Sam isn't insisting she go to the hospital. It's pretty obvious she needs stitches to close that gash.

Sam gets cut off from giving his instructions when the drunk fool says, "I had no idea that she was a nasty fangbanging whore. I wouldn't have bothered wasting my time on trash like that." Sam rushes the man away before the seething, growling vamp tears him apart, but not before walking him accidentally on purpose into the bar counter and the door jam. Everyone knows Sam has a thing for Sookie. I know that Sookie technically is because she does fuck vamps, but she really doesn't look like a typical fangbanger. She's blonde and pretty and looks virginally innocent.

When Sam leaves, the bar gets instantly rowdier. You know what they say about how mice will play when the cat's away. Arlene immediately starts rabble-rousing about vampires being to blame for all tonight's problems. Weird that the guy wasn't even here when the whole incident started to begin with, but I'd bet Arlene is too dumb to notice anyway.

The vamp growls at the red headed bitch and she wisely retreats. She must be even more stupid than I thought to even get in his face at all. I mean he's huge and scary by human standards, but I've seen other vamps dip and bow their heads to him like he's royalty or something. I know for a fact that I've heard people address him as Sheriff. I wonder if he some kind of vamp cop or something?

I remember this one time a vamp nobody knew stopped in for a bottle of that synthetic stuff and got real close to Sookie. He smelled her, actually smelled her like she was some sort of irresistible confection. He licked his lips like he was fixing to bite her right in the middle of the bar. Trouble magnet that she is! She barely batted an eye, though, as if stuff like that happens to her everyday. I remember perfectly every word she said when she responded because the whole thing was just about as strange as she is.

She bravely or stupidly eyed him with a chastising look and said, "You shouldn't even think of doing that if you place any value on your undead life. I know that you can tell I am claimed already, but you need to know that I am blood bonded and pledged to the Northman. You better leave Area 5 before he finds out that you've got no regard for the rules." I may not understand even half of what she said, but that bloodsucker surely took her seriously. The scary vamp immediately retracted his fangs and backed away from her, apologizing for the infraction and begging, actually begging her to pardon his rudeness. 'Yeah, he must be notorious among vamps because they wouldn't apologize to a human for nothing.'

She suggests that they go outside instead of Sam's office because she doesn't have the keys, so the bad ass vamp picks her up effortlessly and carries her bridal style out the side door that leads to the employee parking lot. When the door shuts behind them, Arlene takes the opportunity to say some loud shit about all vamps being minions of the devil. "I can prove it y'all. You can see for yourselves that he's an evil demon and she's his dirty whore." Arlene turns the TV near the table of rednecks from the football game to a closed circuit channel of a security feed to the employee lot.

There's no audio, but despite the dim lights you can easily see the waitress and the vampire sitting on the patio furniture in front of Sam's trailer. People start complaining that Sam is doing secret surveillance around the bar and that being an invasion of privacy. I guess some of these folks are worried about what they do in the parking lot that they don't want anyone to see. Things are finally starting to get interesting around here for a change. Arlene says dismissively, "Calm down y'all! Sam just put this in after all of those break-ins last week. He doesn't even know I know about this yet. Just watch and you'll see how disgusting they are together." Arlene looks evil and giddy, like she's getting away with the perfect crime.

Outside, the vamp is licking Sookie's wounded arm like a kid with a giant lollipop. Nasty. Yet I can't look away, just like when you're driving past a bad accident that you know is going to be gruesome, but too shocking and exciting to miss out on. The bar is almost completely silent as I'm sure that most people here share my sentiment and have never seen something like this before.

Sookie looks happy as he salivates on her arm, lapping at her like she's a blood flavored ice cream cone. Ew! She looks completely turned on by this though. She starts running the fingers of her free hand through his long blonde hair and she appears to be moaning. He's being so sweet and gentle that I almost forget how disgusting what they're doing actually is.

Her wound is suddenly completely gone, but she doesn't look so good, kind of pale and weak. His fangs are glistening in the moonlight when he finishes the work on her arm and licks his lips suggestively. Then he licks her lips and I'm sure she can taste her own blood. Ew! **She's so weird**.

Her head falls back exposing her neck as he licks his way from her collarbone to her ear, like he might bite at any second. But he doesn't. Instead, he bites into his own wrist and puts it to her mouth. Yuck! Everyone in the bar lets out a collective groan as she latches on for a few moments. Every pull from his wrist has her looking stronger and him more aroused. They are suddenly so lost in lust that they are pawing at each other wildly. He undresses both of them so quickly that if you blinked you would have missed it.

'Wow, Sookie really does have awesome tits and a hot ass. Holy shit, the vamp is hung like a horse! Oh my God! I've never seen a dick that big even in a porno. Ever!' She eyes him hungrily as she dips her head between his legs. Even with her head bobbing and his hands tangled in her hair, you can still see a large portion of his impressive manhood.

She is working him expertly with her mouth and both hands simultaneously when he suddenly turns her upside down so her center is pressed to his mouth. Now _that_ is a 69! He starts licking between her legs in a way that is only possible with vampires I suppose, on account of them not having to breathe and everything.

'Well that was fast,' I decide as she comes quickly with his ministrations. She must be having an incredible orgasm because her body is having beautiful, mesmerizing convulsions. At that same moment, she lets go of his manhood to cry out in pleasure and he bites into the side of her smooth, tan thigh. She immediately latches back onto his tree trunk of an erection and he explodes into her mouth. She doesn't break the seal on him to waste a single drop of what looked to be a very forceful release, judging by the way his body jerked so violently.

Apparently, this session is far from over as he moves her from the Kama Sutra-like pose and places her down gently. As soon as her feet hit the ground though, he suddenly spins her around and enters her abruptly with his still fully engorged penis. How's he ready again so quickly? That sure is impressive.

He fucks her roughly from behind and places his hands firmly on her breasts to pull her back into an almost standing position. He pumps into her with reckless abandon and she looks like she's coming undone _again_. 'Man, I wish she liked a man with a pulse because after this I'm convinced that Sookie Stackhouse must be the fuck of a lifetime.'

The bar watches on in stunned silence as they change positions and climax together multiple times. Occasionally someone says something like, "Oh shit!", "Whoa", or "That's so hot". He bites her each time they finish together, but somehow her bite marks magically disappear when he kisses them. I always wondered why she never has any vamp marks on her. I always figured they were biting her where people couldn't see the evidence. I guess I was right again, half right at least.

Finally, they appear to be finished. For now at least, judging by his perma-boner, it's more by choice rather than necessity. Now, it makes sense that she takes so much time off of work. She must stay up for marathon sex with this guy so much that she's too tired to come in.

They walk back into the once bustling bar only to find a deafening silence and every eye in the place on them. Sookie glances in the direction of the earlier scuffle to find the chairs still all over turned and broken glass and blood everywhere when she sees what is on the TV. The view of the employee parking lot. Arlene comments as Sookie looks at the vamp for support, "Geez Sook, I know you're desperate for a man, but these demons are bad for your health. One of these days he's going to kill you with that thing in his pants or those things in his mouth. Everyone in town always says how sweet and innocent you are, but I've always known the truth. You are nothing but a cheap whore and now everyone in town will know it too."

Every eye in the room is on them and when the vamp makes a frightening, frustrated growling noise, I just can't seem to look away even though I really want to. Once my eyes meet his gaze, I can see how truly beautiful they are. I feel captivated by him all of a sudden. I'm completely enchanted as I feel an overwhelming tingle sweep over my entire body, right down to my soul. As I stare at him, I realize that I really hadn't noticed feeling this way about him before, but now I would happily do anything he asks. I want nothing more than to please him. Then he spoke in a wonderful, melodious tone… I don't know what the man said, but tonight was the most boring night at Merlotte's ever. Just a bunch rednecks watching sports and talking too loud. Nothing interesting ever happens in Bon Temps!

P.S. - Just wanted to add, just in case it wasn't clear, but the person who's point of view the story was told in got glamoured at the end. This is my first ever published fanfic and although I'm happy with the outcome, I would appreciate any advice/constructive criticism for a new writer trying to organize a lot of ideas. BTW if anyone can tell me how to find info on these weekly contests that everyone is always participating in, I would love to know where to find them as a collection or whatever. Thanks for any help! Love all the great comments! Thanks!


	2. Card Tricks

Bill POV - Bill learns some strategy from the Viking

I'm doing my nightly rounds on my property despite the icy rain this evening because I enjoy the bounty of nature, no matter the weather. Somehow the beauty of my world of endless nights seems enhanced by the smell of wet wood and the melodic rhythms of rain hitting the ground.

I'm pulled from my relaxing thoughts by the loud hoot of an owl in a tall tree. I find it very odd to hear an owl out in this kind of weather, but before I have time to think on it, the glow from Sookie's living room window catches my attention. There is a certain flicker of luminescence and an enchanting smell which confirms a roaring fire, surely lit to remove the chill from this cold night.

I barely realize that the light is drawing me nearer, like the attraction of a moth to a flame, until I'm much closer to her home than I have been in weeks. I listen with my exceptional vampire hearing in an attempt to catch the reassuring sound of her heartbeat, slow and steady. Her pulse is anything but slow and steady though. On this night it is beating at a fast, erratic pace, much like the excited rhythm of someone on the edge of ecstasy. That is when I realize that _he_ must be here. _Eric!_

I retreat with the knowledge that my sheriff has most likely already registered my presence so close to the house. I would like to give the impression that I'm leaving, but I already know that I have not yet quenched my desire to see her. My Sookie.

My curiosity was sparked the moment the light of her home began calling out to me, as if trying to entice my interest through the darkness. However, now that I now she has romantic company, I find myself wanting the sweet sorrow that comes from seeing her in the throes of passion, even if it isn't with me.

If her pulse is any indication, I suspect they are making love in front of the fire. As I ascend a tree that would give me the best vantage point to peak into this private moment undetected, I can't help but recall how that used to be me inside, enjoying the warmth of her home, her body, and her heart.

'I really hope I don't get caught out here.' Perhaps Eric will be so preoccupied with Sookie that he won't even realize I'm here or he'll think I went home defeated, not that he'd mind if I saw them like this anyway. In fact, he'd probably enjoy the idea of me seeing her satisfaction with him, as an unattainable object of my desire. 'Our situations have completely reversed,' I sadly note to myself. _Bastard Viking!_

Surprise is an understatement when I realize they are not making love, but simply playing a game of cards on a blanket in front of the fire. 'Why is she so excited then?' I wonder. 'Maybe she's winning,' I muse, 'Eric probably always wins when they play games. He wins at everything.'

It is at this exact moment that I see her remove her shirt and laugh. 'He does truly win at everything,' I sneer. Eric waggles his eyebrows at her suggestively. Apparently, he is in fact winning this game of cards. Not just a simple game of gin or poker though, but strip poker, which they both seem to be enjoying immensely. That explains the amusement I can still feel from her through our fading connection.

I notice that she is losing articles of clothing at an exceptionally fast pace. Either she's terrible at poker or Eric is cheating somehow. 'For this infraction, I can't say I blame him. If I had been playing this game with Sookie, I would do the same thing.' I notice that he keeps glancing at something behind her, so quickly that this action would be imperceptible to her human eyes. 'Ah ha! That cheat can see her cards!'

'Oh how I wish these two never met,' I punish myself by thinking. 'If I hadn't been so foolish as to bring her to Eric's attention in the first place, I would surely be the one reaping the benefits of knowing this magnificent human.' I miss everything about her. Even the things that used to annoy me, which somehow Eric seems not to even notice.

Right now, for instance, he seems perfectly at ease with the fact that she's snacking on some sort of undoubtedly awful smelling human food. It used to annoy me that she would eat in front of me knowing that I couldn't. I always found it a little rude. Though, I think now that maybe I could put up with it again if that is what it took.

I watch as he reaches out his long arm as if to grab her breast in a not so subtle way. She merely slaps his hand away as they laugh together. If I tried to grab her that way, even when we were at our best, she would have gotten huffy and stomped around at my inappropriate behavior. But for him she simply laughs it off, likes it even. I just don't get it. _Eric?_

I am aware that he is a very attractive man. At any time in history, a man of his physicality and appearance would have been considered extraordinary. He has that look that many women consider dangerous and sexy. I know that I'm handsome in a disarming way. I know that I'm attractive too, but Eric gives off a seductive pull that both men and women always seem to notice. I wouldn't say that I'm jealous of him, but it is hard not to be when people throw themselves at his mercy. He has no need to use glamour. Even when he was a human, I'd bet his very presence would be the equivalent of glamour.

But, glamour doesn't work on Sookie anyway and she is thoroughly enjoying the Viking's showy movements. I'm convinced that he throws his last hand in their card game just to divest himself of his pants in a very strip tease way. This gives him the perfect opportunity to reveal his lack of undergarment. 'Oh my god,' I think to myself. Now I see the bigger picture of the draw to the Northman and I truly do mean the bigger picture. 'The man truly wins everything'.

They roll around for a minute, clearly giving up on the game. She fights for dominance and he allows her to roll them over. She's on top of him, grinding lightly in small movements that seem to be deliberate and seductive, yet sweet and innocent. The supreme contradiction that is Sookie Stackhouse.

The rain has died down enough for me to hear them clearly. "You know Eric, I never told you this but I can do magic," she giggled. "Have some of your fae relatives shown you some tricks?" he teases her while placing languid kisses on any part of her skin he can. "No. I meant a magic _card_ trick." She laughed innocently.

"Really, my love. You want to do this now? I will indulge this… _trick_, but I must warn you that if your fanfare does not amuse me, you will be punished for delaying my reward for winning our poker game." I'm surprised that he thinks nothing of disrespecting her this way. 'He has a lot of nerve to speak to her that way,' I think. 'If I know Sookie, she's about to start her petulant routine and he'll be the one sitting outside, stupidly played Viking.'

"I understand your terms Eric and would expect nothing less than proper retribution for any delay in your absolute satisfaction." She spoke those words with such whimsy and sultry deference to him that I'm completely stunned at the implication. 'She's getting to be as bad as Pam in allowing him so much power over her. Sookie surely never behaved this way when she was with me. He's such a bad influence on her.'

She does her showy trick for _him_, almost naked and totally uninhibited in front of the roaring fire. 'She has changed so much,' I ponder that notion for a moment, before my attention goes back to the two blondes.

Eric is sitting in front of her, completely entranced by her beautiful form. "Alright, Eric is this your card?" He shook his head slowly and in a way that warned that she better get the next try right or she'll be in trouble. "How about this card?" He pounces on her and she squeals with delight. The remaining stack of cards flies into the air and falls to the ground like the rain that has engulfed this night. She roles on to her belly and gropes the pile of clothes in an attempt to mock fleeing his hungry embrace.

He suddenly covers Sookie's mostly naked body with his own. He smothers her with kisses and caresses as she writhes against his hard body. Eric rips her bra off with a quick flick of his wrist and begins to suckle her luscious breasts. Her heartbeat is pounding like thunder with anticipation as he roughly drags his sharp fangs across her neck, up to her ear. 'A place that I was first to touch and long to touch again,' I'm crushed to think that will never happen again.

Even from this distance I can hear him softly proclaim, "Look at me, lover. I am going to fuck you roughly on top of these cards all until you can manage to find the right one. Find my card or you _will_ be sorry." He is suddenly buried deeply inside of her small body. She cries out in hunger for him as he complies at a ravenous pace. She wraps herself around him and holds on tightly as he claims her completely with his wild thrusts. He pushes her to the breaking point over and over again but refuses to give her the release that she is literally begging him for. 'Oh I see, this must be her punishment. This is both disgustingly sadistic and deviously clever.' "Please, Eric?" she moans, frustrated. He responds coyly, "Yes, lover?" "Your card was… oh my…God… the Queen of Hearts… it's in the back pocket of the jeans you were wearing before when you were… ohhh… cheating at strip poker." He rewards her honesty with shifting to a different angle which brings her to an immediate and glorious, body convulsing orgasm.

After her breathing changes into a more stable rhythm, his bellowing laughter fills the air. It's a relaxed sound that I've never heard from him in all the time I've known the sheriff. 'He acts differently around her. Maybe that's why she doesn't seem to see what a cold, calculating bastard he really is?' The sound of the amused Viking rumbles through the air like crashing waves in a storm from her attempt to manipulate _him_, "My little minx, where are your ethics of fair play?" She smiles as she instigates him, "Hey, you cheated first mister! And hiding the card, _that_ was the trick! That I had slipped it into your pocket without you noticing."

She searches his jeans for the evidence of her magical mastery only to come up empty-handed. I can see his smug smile spread across his face as he knows there is no way she'll ever find his card. I know what he's done even before he has the chance to tell her, "My dear, keeping in mind that you said we could have sex all night if you did not produce my card, I am sorry to tell you that I saw you hide it there. I am also afraid to report that the Queen of Hearts has met an unfortunate end as kindling in the fire and will never be recovered."

They are instantly tangled in each other as she wraps her legs around his waist. He stands up with her in his arms, clutching him tightly, kissing him lovingly. Eric walks to the window, completely satisfied with the way the evening strategically played out. He glanced into the night and winked in my direction as he quickly nods in another as he shut the curtains with a gesture of finality. _Bastard Viking!_

The owl hoots again loudly and flies away quickly. I suddenly smell the familiar scent of a certain shifter hanging in the air and realize I wasn't the only one sitting here tonight in envy of the Viking and all that he has won. _I hate Eric Northman!_


	3. Sunbathing with Sookie

A/N- I really have a ton of embarrassing stories like this, but I hope it doesn't seem too formulaic that they keep getting caught doing it. It's just that I love a good "getting caught with your pants down" story. Just light-hearted fun to make you smile. Also, these stories look at E/S as seen by other people who may not know them well, if at all. For example, I know Eric didn't kill Quinn, but the townies are prone to silly gossip. I also love those moments when we see Sookie's telepathy at work. So I thought it would be fun to do an entire story that way and give her thoughts a little privacy for once, after all she seems to need a little privacy. She certainly never gets any from me.

This story takes place before the other two I previously posted. Bill is seeing Selah, Sookie is "with" Quinn, Eric knows about what happened during his memory loss, but this is pre-takeover so he doesn't know anything specific. Meant to be fun, no offense intended.

Sunbathing with Sookie Stackhouse

As I wake up from my daytime slumber, I'm excited at the idea of my date with Selah tonight. We were planning on going to see a movie in Shreveport, but I think it might be better if we go into Merlotte's for a drink and a blood instead. This will serve a two-fold purpose in my plan to make Sookie jealous while concealing my true intentions from Selah in case my scheme proves unsuccessful.

I discovered Sookie's schedule for the next few weeks by glamouring the cook at the bar where she works. So now I know that Sookie isn't working tonight to see me and Selah on our date personally. However, I know she'll find out through either her telepathy or just regular town gossip that Selah and I were there together on a romantic date. 'I guess as romantic as a redneck bar can be anyway,' I amuse myself with thoughts of my neighbors.

These backwoods hicks are relatively pleasant, but mind-numbingly boring in comparison to those I used to associate with in New Orleans. Until my recent mission to acquire the little telepath that changed my life, I enjoyed a vastly different lifestyle at court in the Queen's palace. That is where I honed my talent for procuring and my ability to strategize, after all.

I plan on being extremely flirtatious to Selah when at Merlotte's this evening. Unknowingly, the next time a customer who was present tonight sees Sookie, they'll relate the sexiest details by mentally projecting those loving images of me and Selah to Sookie.

Going there tonight without Sookie present will also give Selah the impression that I don't purposely bring her to Merlotte's to parade her in front of my ex-girlfriend. Selah is a vital part of the plot I have devised to win back Sookie's heart, so I can't upset her by being obvious.

I have to be very careful that my current girlfriend doesn't realize that I orchestrate most of our outings with my ex-girlfriend's routine in mind. This way it appears to be an accident to both women when Selah and I are on a date and we happen to cross paths with Sookie. The plan to acquire Sookie for myself is sure to work _this_ time, as long I don't get thwarted by that meddlesome Viking again. 'He ruins everything I plan.'

It's not that I want to hurt my former lover's feelings by throwing my new relationship in her face, but I want Sookie to see how happy I make Selah. Hopefully, she'll realize that I could do the same for her if she'd just give me the chance. I'm not trying to torment her as much as tempt her through her own jealousy. It's quite clever really.

I have to do something drastic to get back into her life as soon as possible. She needs me to protect her against all of these supernatural suitors. Especially now that she has been seeing that were-tiger, Quinn. Although, I have not scented him on her property in weeks, I can only hope that they've had a falling out. I can't help myself but be truly disgusted at the idea of her having any lover besides me.

'At least she isn't sleeping with Eric again,' I console myself from the not too distant memory of witnessing their loving embrace before the battle with the witches. It was difficult not to attack him, albeit pointlessly, the moment I saw his cold lips collide with her warm ones. The horror I experienced the moment their bodies pressed against each other in such an intimate way was nauseating, even to a vampire.

At first I thought his memory loss was just a ruse for Eric to weasel his way into her bed; just another cheap trick, like the bullet-sucking incident in Dallas. But when I saw with my own eyes the strong feelings Sookie obviously had for him as they said goodbye that night, I thought I might die…again. The knowledge that she'd enjoyed sharing her bed with _him _was obvious and I wasn't truly surprised as Eric is well known to be a spectacular lover. But with the evidence of her feelings so apparent, I realized my chances of getting her back were even more remote now.

I had actually contemplated trying to stake him in the confusion of Hallow's smoky hide-out. But even without his memories, he was a fearsome fighter so I acquiesced. Despite the fact that I bemoan the loss of my humanity when I became a vampire, I do place value on my immortal existence.

I had hoped he'd get hurt or killed by someone else during the melee, but somehow Eric still managed to outshine me by protecting Sookie from that were-bitch, Debbie. I had seen Debbie begin to attack Sookie during the fight and I hoped to let them wrestle for another moment before intervening. I wanted her to be grateful to me for saving her so I could look like the hero, but Eric beat me to it. 'Eric ruins everything for me,' I can't help but grumble at the mental image of his body wrapped around her like the snake that he is, her grateful for his rescue, thanking him the only way that she could.

I know she recently told him that they were involved intimately during his spell of amnesia, but he thankfully doesn't remember any of the provocative details. I find some solace in the fact that he's ignorant of her true feelings for him also. 'He'd just hurt her anyway. Use her feelings to manipulate her, then I'm sure he'd leave her for the next whore only too eager to jump into his bed,' I gripe.

Especially after his long pursuit of her while she was with me, I relish in the thought that he'd finally gotten to experience all of her and is powerless in his desire to recall the specifics. It must be torture. 'A torture he well-deserves,' I add to myself.

Had he not forced me to tell her of my original purpose for returning to Bon Temps, she would have remained blissfully ignorant and eventually forgiven my indiscretions. She even seemed to be warming up to me slightly during our trip down to New Orleans to straighten out her cousin's affairs. Even after the unfortunate events with Lorena in Jackson, I thought that there might still be hope of a reconciliation. 'But, Eric ruined that for me as well.'

Had Eric not involved himself in my relationship with Sookie in the first place, she would have most likely forgiven my sneaking around with my Maker and the unfortunate incident in the car trunk at Alcide's. 'I'm sure she'd be over it by now,' I muse, 'She's just so tender-hearted.' But no, my Sheriff stole my chance to redeem myself for the Jackson debacle by forcing me to hurt Sookie so badly with the whole truth of my Queen's mission.

Now, 'My Sookie' has taken up with that damn were-tiger, Quinn. A pit-fighting animal who will most likely maul her during the next full moon. Although Quinn may be a disgusting, two-natured creature, he's still the much lesser of the two evils sniffing around 'My Sookie.' I truly hate the idea of anyone else touching her, but it's certainly not as bad as having her bedding _Eric_.

I miss my time with her so much that most times when I'm intimate with Selah, I even imagine touching the voluptuous, virgin body of my former lover. I close my eyes tightly and remember what it was like to bask in the sunlight that always seemed to radiate from her smooth, tan skin.

'My Sookie Fantasy' usually satisfies me throughout the entire time I make love to Selah, right up until the climactic moment when I sink my fangs into her warm body. Where I should taste the most remarkable, intoxicating blood, I'm always disappointed to ingest a plain, generic substitute, instead. There is no illusion powerful enough to change the boring flavor of Selah into the extraordinary delicacy that is Sookie.

'Well, at least Eric doesn't get to savor Sookie's blood either. She has a greater disdain for him at the moment than she does for me,' I think, as I remember the palpable tension in the room after Mickey had attacked at Sookie's rental. Eric made me look foolish in front of her that night, like some kind of lackey underling, stealing yet another moment from me and Sookie. 'He's such a jealous vampire,' I think, while I pull on my dark blue Henley and straighten my sideburns.

As I leave for my evening out with Selah, I hear a strange groan come from the direction of Sookie's property. Sookie! I must find out what's happening with her _this_ time. Perhaps, I will finally get my moment to look good in front of her, to save her like a true Southern gentleman. There's plenty of potential for that as she's always in some kind of danger. She's like a supernatural trouble magnet and those noises sounded like some sort of animal moaning. I really hope there aren't too many werewolves around or that the filthy tiger hasn't hurt her accidentally with his giant feline paws. I'd hate to _have_ to call Eric for help.

I use my vampire speed to close the distance through the old cemetery in mere seconds. When I reach the clearing by the Stackhouse home, I behold the most spectacular sight I may have ever witnessed. Sookie is sprawled out like a main course at a vampire buffet atop her ugly, old family afghan on her front lawn. She must have fallen asleep sunbathing again because she is positioned in a strategic spot that I imagine gives her the best amount of the late afternoon rays. 'Oh how Sookie loves the sun'. I can still vividly remember the wonderful fragrance of warm sunlight engrained into the perfume of her skin. I can imagine it so strongly, I can almost taste it.

She is wearing a tiny, yellow bikini that I know for a fact she only uses when she isn't expecting anyone to see her in it. It's really sweet that she's so modest. Very refreshing for a woman her age and in this generation. Young ladies today show far too much of themselves for my liking. I long for the days of petticoats and bonnets that leave something to the imagination. In this instance, however, much can be said for the benefits of a skimpy bathing suit that reveals so much of the woman I desperately want to see naked again.

As my mind is broken from its reverie by another sultry moan, I realize that she's having what looks to be a very intense, erotic dream. 'About who?' I wonder, as I draw closer to this wondrous sight, taking refuge in the darkness behind a large bush. I hope she's reminiscing on our time together, spent snuggled underneath that very same blanket. I can smell her potent arousal from here. It's so overwhelmingly enticing that I just want to run and greet her prone form in a very biblical way.

I watch as she slips her hand unconsciously into the lower half of her bathing suit and begins to tease the outside of her wetness. I imagine she's experiencing that amazingly hazy state between dreaming and wakefulness that is the breeding ground of her best fantasies, if I remember correctly and I most certainly do. 'I know every little detail about her. I wonder if Eric can say the same?' I question, reassuring myself that despite our time apart our connection is still profoundly more significant than theirs.

She starts to incoherently mumble things as her fingers enter her in a sudden body-jolting motion. Her writhing increases as her hips buck rhythmically, driving her towards a blissful crescendo. 'Why should I deny myself the opportunity to experience a moment like this right along with her? It would almost be like we were in this intimate moment together, just like we used to be,' I argue with myself. I'm no prude, but self-gratification is not something I am usually interested in.

My hand moves to adjust my length, as I feel confined in my ever-shrinking khaki slacks. I decide to unzip my pants to relieve my tension, something I have not done in many decades. But I feel compelled to not waste this rare opportunity to feel connected to Sookie once more. The usually imperceptible sound of my zipper creeping down seems to scream through the silence of the tree-line.

A deafening silence, except for the rapidly increasing moans escaping Sookie's soft, pouty lips. I hear her begin speaking in a breathy tone, the kind of whisper a lover might utter in the ear of their partner in the throes of passion. "Please, I need to feel you so bad. I want your cool fingers inside of me. Oh please don't stop." Her head turns from side to side, bearing her beautiful neck. I hear her stutter a sound that would make my heart skip a beat, if it still had the need, "B…B...B…ahh." I make a pact with myself not to move, even if her lips manage to form my name.

'She's trying to say Bill!' I congratulate myself. I can't believe she's thinking about me while pleasuring herself. I can't see exactly what she's doing under the god forsaken fabric of her bikini, but I remember the image of her perfectly shaped sex and I can clearly see she remembers every inch of me as well. Deciding that I must indulge in the scene before me, I tug myself out of my pants roughly.

Simply enjoying the knowledge alone that Sookie dreams of me like this is enough to bring me as close to my climax as she obviously is to hers. Her unoccupied hand roams her body and settles on the pert nipple of her left breast. She tugs hard and moans in delight. Her fingers dip in and out of her quickly with her other hand as she brings herself closer to the end of her exquisite dream. Her body is thrashing around with convulsive fervor as her cries of pleasure become more like ragged panting.

I'm over-stimulated already by my constant fantasizing of her. The familiarity I feel with her body at the sight, sound, and taste of the moment that is fast approaching is almost unbearable. I can't hold out much longer, but I'd like to time my release to coincide with hers, to amplify the intensity of this moment for me. I deserve this moment of bliss with the woman I love, even if she doesn't realize we're sharing it.

"B…B…B…ahh," she cries in rapture. 'Please, just say my name Sookie and I will be on top of you in a second. I'll give you everything your mind has been dreaming for me to do to you.' I break the promise to myself not to jump on her, knowing at this moment, I will not be able to resist re-claiming her the second she screams my name.

I set my pace in stride with the rhythm of her hand. In this simulated setting, I can easily imagine her pulsating tightness constricting around my cock. 'She better hurry because I can't take much more of this.' I hammer away at myself, my strong calloused hand adding even more stimulation.

"Please…oh…ooo…please don't stop! Oh…never better than with you. Yes! God please…B…B…ahh!" I feel a victorious smile spread across my face as I stroke myself forcefully.

'Do us both a favor and just say my name darling!' I know she'll feel an overwhelming sense of embarrassment at my catching her in this private moment, but it would be well worth it. We clearly both want the same thing. 'It isn't a private place either; she knows I can hear her from my house. Maybe she planned it this way? Maybe this is her way of luring me back to her? Her cries of pleasure are like my siren song.' I think, as I convince myself that this is no accident.

Her free hand finds her other aroused nipple and she squeezes so hard that she's pulled fully from her dream state. I pause for a moment and wonder what I should do. I pray she'll continue, if at the very least to give me more material for when I'm pretending that Selah is Sookie. What choice do I have? I have to finish, stopping right now would be painful, if not impossible and I'm not about to ruin one of the most satisfying orgasms of my long life by not seeing this to completion.

She wakes entirely but doesn't open her eyes. She must be trying to imagine me the way I do her when I'm fucking Selah. 'Oh, My Sweet Sookie!' She doesn't stop her ministrations because she's so painfully close to her golden moment. She must pick up where I assume her dream left off as I try to meet her pace exactly. Even as a vampire, I can barely keep up as she reaches an inhuman stride with her hand. I know she's a breath away from her climax as her pulse quickens to a percussive beat.

In the next moment I am taken by complete surprise. As my body is spasming with pleasure at the inevitable climax has threatened to overtake me. She screams a single declaration that wounds my soul so deeply that I feel I've been staked through my undead heart. "Please B…B…Bite me Eric!" the sound resonates like a rolling clap of thunder in my ears, a devastating lightening bolt to my soul. She breathlessly pants, "Oh my God!" several times before removing her hand from her throbbing core. She lets out a final exasperated sigh of relief as she adjusts her swimsuit. She looks relieved and a little forlorn, lost in her thoughts.

She gets up quickly and shakes out the ugly afghan. She mutters softly, "Damn it! Stupid, sexy Viking giving me dirty dreams again. Oh Eric!" She looks disappointed as she stares up into the clear, night sky. She gathers her things and rushes into the house, away from the cool night air and away from me forever.

Eric has robbed me yet again of my moment to quench my insatiable thirst for Sookie and he isn't even around this time. With no sense of relief for my painful erection, I'm frozen in place by this futile encounter. I couldn't finish now even if I wanted to because I know the way she dreams of him, only of him. Eric! As I stand in Sookie's front yard, alone in the dark with my limp dick literally in my hands, I can't help but grimace, 'God Damn Eric! He truly ruins everything for me!'

As I zip my pants and turn to leave defeated, I think to myself, 'Hmm, I wonder if I could trick Selah into wearing a blonde wig without her getting suspicious?'


	4. Jason's Midnight Snack

A/N- I wanted to change things up a bit from my Bill bashing and make a light air-head Jason story instead. Thank you for all of the reviews, I really appreciate it. This one is not quite as graphic, sorry to disappoint the 'M' rating lovers. This is more 'T' than the other chapters, but I've been thinking about this and it's just better to get it out of my head. I'll make it up to you all in the next chapter. It's about Pam and she is a very dirty girl. Enjoy!…Please Review.

Jason's Midnight Snack

I curse at myself for having to waste any part of my first night of freedom in months, 'Man, I can be so thick sometimes.' I'd reminded myself all day that I've got to go to the pharmacy after work because I forgot to stock up on supplies for tonight. Instead, I went home and took a shower to get ready for my first big night out since my split from Crystal. Since I'm planning on having my guys' night-out end with a Jason's night-in with a beautiful lady, I need to be prepared and I'm all out of condoms.

Since I'm not fucking Crystal anymore on account of her being a whore and all, I need to make sure I'm covered in that department. 'Can't have anymore accidents!' I reckon I'm lucky that I don't have babies all over town considering I've got so many women always after my junk.

I need to drive out to the Wal-mart in Monroe instead of the Grab-It-Kwik on account of their bigger selection of jimmy hats. I'm thinking I'd like the variety pack to give the ladies some options. 'My life could use a little variety and I'm sure going to be busy when the Bon Temps babes find out Jason Stackhouse is back on the market.'

I find a spot near the back of the lot next to the prettiest cherry red corvette I've ever seen. If this was my car, this is exactly where I'd park it to make sure no dumb rube hits it with a loose shopping cart or renegade car door. I'd love this car like I love my truck.

My baby is a blue pick-up with a pink swirl decal to make it look extra sharp. It is my trademark after all. 'One-of-a-kind, just like me.' I wonder who this beautiful sports car belongs to while I peak in at the gorgeous interior, 'It looks kind of familiar, but nobody that's got a car that cool would be caught dead at a Wal-Mart.'

I quit my admiring of that amazing machine and hustle inside. I don't want to waste any more time before getting my drink on at Merlotte's with my friends. I'm familiar with this particular mission to the pharmacy area and head directly to the Family Planning aisle. I make my selection and head for the register when I hear a surprised voice yell, "Jason!"

I'm afraid to turn around because when this situation usually happens, I end up getting slapped for not calling someone back or being caught in a lie. I'm relieved and still a little uncomfortable to see my sister running up to me instead of some other woman I screwed over. I know she's still kinda pissed with the way things went down with Calvin Norris and that whole Hotshot mess. We haven't talked much since.

She pushes her cart quickly to close the distance between us before I've got the chance to think about what to say. "What's up, Jason? How you been?" Sookie asks me with a glum tone. She looks at me expectantly, like I should ask her how she's been in return. I don't want to hear how great her vacation was with all those vamps. I'm sure Rhodes or wherever she went was nice and all, but she shouldn't rub it in since she knows I've barely left Bon Temps. I've been dealing with some really major shit lately!

'Geez, my sister can be so rude sometimes!' Sook looks at me with a weird, insulted expression. 'Right, a telepathic sister equals a no thinking Jason,' I criticize myself for being a little out of practice in how to handle Sookie's condition. 'Maybe I'm thick-headed cuz' I can't think without her eavesdropping. Hmm! I never thought of that before.' Now Sook looks like she would have preferred hiding behind a rack of candy instead of saying hi.

'Fine,' I mumble. 'Big night-out with the guys!' I exclaim without thinking, as her eyes fall to the box in my hand. "I can see that," she says, without missing the subtle gesture of me placing the box behind my back and out of her view. I decide to change the subject and look through what she's buying instead of letting my purchase being the only focus of conversation.

No reason not to look to see what she'll have at her house in case I have the munchies later and decide to drop in for a bite. I really wish she'd cook for me more like Gran used to. Instead, I'm forced to just pop in and grab some stuff from the pantry or reheat leftovers from the fridge. Nowadays though, she barely keeps anything in there either besides microwavable food, yogurt, iced tea, and because Sookie's a freak with the capital 'F', lots of Tru-Blood.

In fact, her cart is filled with exactly those things right now. 'Ah, what do we have here, Sookie?' I notice she's buying whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and cherries. All the makings of a sundae. Score.

I better be careful though because if she's buying those things, she must be either PMS-ing or she's having another one of those parties with her girlfriends. They sit around and watch girl movies, eat fattening shit, and complain about men. It makes Sookie so much weirder that her two best girlfriends are lesbians, one of which is a vampire. So I guess when they watch girl movies, two of them eat fattening shit, and one of them complains about men. Shit, maybe Sook likes chicks too. 'Ew! Stop it Stackhouse!' I yell at myself.

No, last I checked she was going out with that big, bald guy Quinn, but that was awhile ago. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe I should ask her, but what if she starts to cry or something? I really hate it when she wants to talk to me about stuff like that. That's why I like it when she gets together with her girlfriends, this way I never have to deal with that kind of shit.

I happily think back to when I walked in on the last girls' night at Sookie's to find her roommate, Amelia, and that vampire, Pam, in their tiny nighties. Thankfully, the sexy scene wasn't ruined for me by the weirdness of seeing my scantily clad sister.

Sookie was wearing Tinker Bell pj's that Amelia bought for her. I thought maybe they were high or something because they kept laughing about the "irony". Although, I really don't see what's so funny about a little fairy.

Amelia and Sookie were sharing the popcorn and Pam was sipping a bottle of blood and licking her lips whenever we made eye contact. Until I was pretty sure she was flirting with me, I thought she might be hungry and I was a little nervous.

I guess it actually is a good idea to have bottled blood on hand when so many of your guests would likely take a sip off you if you ran out. I've always wondered what's so great about being bitten. Not that I'd ever ask Sook about it, that would be way too strange. But I always said I would try anything once, so maybe I should find out for myself.

Maybe I will stop by there later on. I think I'd have to be really drunk to try anything like that though. That vamp chick, Pam, is smoking hot, but I know she's mostly into girls and I hear Amelia isn't picky between guys or girls which is super hot too. 'Maybe I could talk them into a threesome?' I love the thought of them together, but when I think of them hanging out with _my_ sister, I get a little freaked out.

After some more awkward chit-chat, Sook said something about me stopping by sometime and we said goodbye. I drove fast to Merlotte's, hoping I didn't miss out on all the fun cuz' I got stuck talking to Sookie. I open the door to the bar expecting to feel like my old self again, like the way I was before the whole were-panther thing changed my life. I was wrong.

People I haven't seen in awhile offered me tequila shots and asked me questions, mostly about Crystal or Sookie. The girls that actually seemed interested in me were nothing special and I kind of felt out of place. The last thought I remember clearly was that no one seems entertained by me anymore, just my crazy sister or my whore wife.

I wake up as Vampire Bill drops me off on Sookie's doorstep after closing time at Merlotte's. I don't know how I ended up with him carrying me up my Gran's steps bridal-style, but it must have been one hell of a night. Why wouldn't he just take me to my house though? I know it's not exactly on his way home, but it seems like the right thing to do. Not bring me to my sister's. I guess he is as big an ass-hat as Sam always says.

I ask my sister's ex, 'Why Sookie's?" He strangely, even for a vampire, replies, "I know Sookie won't mind, it's not like she's got better things to do." It's not what he said as much as the way he sneered and laughed, like he knew something that I didn't. 'I guess he's right about that though.' Sook doesn't have a lot going on these days. 'Wait, wasn't Sook having that sexy sleepover with those super hot chicks tonight?'

I hear a lot of giggling from inside the house so I decide that the girls must be in a damn fine mood and not pining over men, waiting to ambush me as a scapegoat. It's time to go in to satisfy my sweet tooth and need of some female companionship after the sucky night I've just had. I deserve that much. I get up from the porch swing, stumbling only a little, and try the knob. I frown because Sook hasn't been leaving the door unlocked like she used to, but I luckily know where the hide-a-key is.

I'm really excited to have a threesome _and_ an ice cream sundae! I think maybe I've died and gone to heaven. I don't even knock, I used to live here after all. I think I'll have the ice cream first to cheer me up and then I'll work my magic on those ladies. In my drunken stupor, I don't even bother to turn on the lights. I know where everything is anyway.

I can't find any of the things Sook bought at the store today in the places they should have been. I do see the ice cream in the freezer though, so I grab the carton and a spoon and go to work on the Cherry Garcia in the dark in the kitchen. As I'm wondering what kind of pick-up lines you could use to seduce a vampire, I hear more giggling and think it's a good time to surprise my sister's friends.

I walk down the hallway and notice that Sook must have been carrying a huge basket of laundry on the way to her room because I keep stepping on clothes. I get to the door and notice the giggling stopped, but there is a lot of moving around. Maybe they're getting ready to go to bed. It's kind of early for a vamp to turn in, but it is a sleepover. I should scare her like I used to in the old days.

I opt to make a grand entrance and say, "Boo", but as I push the door open, I reveal the _scariest _thing _I_ have ever seen. There are no hot girls in here, just my almost naked sister clearly enjoying the attention she's receiving from the man's head between her legs. The man, who I now realize is actually a vampire, is drinking her blood. His oddly powerful eyes suddenly meet mine, but he doesn't stop what he's doing right away.

For some reason, I can't look away as she's moaning softly. I feel like a deer in the headlights. I'm trapped and I can't get away even though the thing I'm looking at might actually kill me. He pulls his fangs out from the inside of her thigh and throws a sheet on top of Sookie's mostly naked body.

Instantly, I find myself backed up against the counter in the kitchen with a huge, naked vampire standing in front of me before I even know what's happening. He has his fangs down and dripping with blood. Sookie's blood. Ew! I am almost completely sobered up by the situation when I hear Sookie screech my name and curse from the bedroom.

"What the fuck are you doing here in the middle of the night drunk as a skunk?" She yells as she runs in the kitchen and tugs the angry naked vamp backwards by the waist. My sister gets between us and tells him to get dressed because she needs him to drive me home. Is she insane? I'm not going anywhere with some 'thing' that was just bleeding her dry. When he lets me go roughly, I fall to the floor in a heap, banging my head on the counter on the way down.

When I wake up with a splitting headache in a very sweet ride, I realize that for the second time tonight I'm being driven around half conscious by one of my sister's vampire boyfriends. Except this time it isn't the dark-haired, constipated looking old man, it's the blond, scary as hell, pissed off underwear model looking guy. I can't believe my life these days. 'The first girl I see naked since Crystal is my fucking sister!' I chuckle at the situation and my vamp chauffer hisses.

"Look I really never meant to walk in on you two… doing whatever the hell it is you were _doing_ to her... Ew! That's my sister man!" The big scary blonde growls, "First of all, I have never hurt your sister or forced myself on her in any way. Secondly, calling first or knocking at all might help avoid seeing things you were not expecting in someone's house when you were not invited. And yet another idea entirely would be to buy your own damn groceries and stop living like a sycophant off your sister."

"Look man, I don't even want to know what a 'psycho-plant' is, I was just trying to hook up with that hot piece of ass vamp my sister is friends with. I thought they were having a sleep over tonight." I hope he'd at least understand that, being a man and all… well vampire actually. But he's got a dick, doesn't he? I unfortunately know he does, I've seen way too much of "it" tonight.

"You really are an imbecile, aren't you Jason? Sookie has only just recently started speaking to you again and you barge into her house in the middle of the night, insult her, ruin my fun, just to _seduce_… Pam." He hasn't looked at the road directly in quite some time and I'm starting to worry. "By all means, pursue… Pam. Please. I would very much like to see how that turns out… for you. You have my blessings," the vamp says the last part, obviously amused. Is he smirking? This is getting too creepy. I stare at him, mouth wide enough to catch flies.

For some reason, it seems like he's trying to be civil with me. Sookie must have asked him to, but I'm really surprised by his calm attitude. "You know I am Pam's Maker, don't you Jason? She is my Child. She is a _part_ of me. Are you saying you want to have sex with _me_ too, Jason?" He leers at me, waggling his eyebrows. "You did interrupt me this evening and I do deserve some form of compensation after all."

I truly hope he's fucking with me now. 'Do blood-suckers even know how to joke?' I wonder. I really hope he doesn't bite me like he was doing to Sookie. The words leave my mouth before I have a chance to stop them, "Look, Sook may like you treating her like nothing but a juice box, but I ain't into that shit!"

The car comes to a screeching halt in the middle of the street. I'm still drunk enough that the sudden stop makes me nauseous, like I just got off the tilt-a-whirl. I guess he was joking before because now that he's serious I can definitely see the difference. Shit! He pulls me by my shirt collar to about an inch from his fangs before I even have time to blink.

"Your sister means more to me than anything else in 1000 years. If you ever disrespect me or my bonded again, I will guarantee that you have an unfortunate hunting accident the next time the full moon changes you into your other pussy form. Do you understand me, Jason?" I nod emphatically. He resumes driving me home like nothing happened.

I keep expecting him to rip my head off every time he takes his hand off the gear shift. Instead, he laughs in a loud, boisterous way that has me confused and frightened. He chuckles, "I think if you are to _seduce_ Pam, you should know a little about her. She likes pastels, vibrators, and lavender bath salts. She also has a fondness for dainty porcelain tea sets as well as a collection of designer handbags and shoes so extensive that she has a special room for them."

It's weird that he seems to be looking forward to me pursuing Pam for some reason. "She also has a very customized sex room that you would be fortunate to see even if she won't allow you to leave with the memory of what happens inside." 'Damn it, he's fucking with me again!' Thank the lord we were pulling up into the driveway of my house so I can get as far away from this maniac as possible.

"Jason, is that your truck in the driveway?" I nod again, too scared to open my mouth in case I say something else without thinking. 'I'm so thick headed sometimes.' The vampire interrupts my dwelling on my own stupidity and he suddenly seems very serious again, "Sookie said she saw you earlier today at the store. Oddly enough, my car was scratched by a car door today. I can't help but notice the very distinctive colors of your paint job. It seems to be very unique, as a matter of fact, I think it might be one-of-a-kind."


	5. Pam's Compensation

Voyeuristic Viewpoints

**Pam's Compensation **

Pam POV

I exhale a needless breath for purely dramatic effect, while I prepare for another night of mind-numbing paperwork to cover for Eric's gorgeous ass. Again. He's been leaving me to pick-up the monumental amount of bullshit that accompanies owning a club absent its star attraction.

'Maybe I could place a want add in the newspaper to irritate Eric enough into realizing he's been spending too much time in Bon Temps,' I think, giddy with my own idea. 'He might chain me with silver for a month, but it would be worth it to get my point across.'

'I can see it now: Desperately seeking tall, muscular, blonde Viking-type to fulfill the sexual desires and dirty fantasies of the Northern Louisiana masses. More than 1000 years experience necessary. Multi-lingual/talented tongues preferred. Breathers with a pulse need not apply.'

To make matters even more bittersweet, I have been able to feel his unbridled happiness through our bond from the moment I woke tonight. 'I'll bet that son of a bitch is getting some telepath ass while I do all his work,' I grumble to myself.

I walk down the hall to make sure my overnight guest is still _secure_ in her bed. 'Wouldn't want to let her go just yet,' I muse, 'I might want some breakfast before all of my manual labor.' I appraise my playmate's restraints and leave the room quickly, as I wouldn't want her to think she is getting _off_ from her punishment so easily.

I can't say I really blame him because I would never choose enthralling the vermin over fucking the fairy, but he's had nothing else on his mind lately. Even when he isn't with her, I can tell he's still thinking about her from that far off look in his eyes and the huge bulge in his pants. All of his thoughts on her. Only for Sookie.

It's not like I'm jealous. I just don't get monogamy at all, not as a human and certainly not as a vampire. I really never thought I would see Eric be pussy whipped, especially not by just one pussy anyway.

He should at least _pretend_ to fuck a fangbanger now and then. He could easily glamour them into thinking they had the best sex ever and send them on their way with a promise to return with more of their friends. A one-woman vampire is just bad for business, bottom-line.

I understand his loss of interest better than anyone, though. The droll clientele is a bore on most nights, but last night was exceptionally pitiful. The humans at Fangtasia rarely differ from the pathetic cookie-cutter fangbangers, lame tourists, or juvenile idiots looking for a wild night out. It really is no surprise that I have to look for little things to take the tedium out of my immortality.

There used to be nothing like making humans wet themselves for entertainment. The AVL has done vampires a great disservice by making us look approachable and not the vicious predators we most certainly are. 'They make us all look like neutered pitbulls on choke chains!'

Last night, for example, I got excited to play for a minute with a few frat boys that got mouthy when I denied their entry for being too drunk. I barely resisted the urge to rip the lips off of the dumbest one who said something about how cold it must be between my legs since not only was I a frigid bitch, but being a frigid vampire bitch would make my pussy extra frosty. The last thing I heard before my hand coiled his throat was, "You'd need mittens to touch that kitten."

While I was slightly amused with his wordplay, I was left feeling under-whelmed by the reaction I got when I threw him 20 feet across the parking lot. The people waiting in line to get into Fangtasia actually clapped, fucking clapped.

They should be terrified, not even more desperate for me to focus my killer instincts on them. I should be given the respect I deserve for being the dangerous creature that I am. Instead, I'm treated like the opening circus act to the "Greatest Undead Show on Earth". Idiot humans!

At this point in my existence, very few things can manage to hold my interest for long. I watch these temporary creatures flit through their pitiful existence like gnats that only live for a day. Most are consumed with a perplexing mix of urgency and desperation that makes them eager to waste time doing things that don't matter for people who aren't worth it. Humans are quite the pathetic contradiction.

I thank god every evening when I wake that Eric rescued me from suffering the same fate of insatiable stupidity that plaques the breathers. Don't get me wrong, I adore the _idea_ of the blood bags at Fangtasia who pay for my love of Prada and Gucci by buying overpriced drinks so they can be treated like the garbage they are; but having to put up with them every night is simply exhausting, perplexing, and tiresome.

'I'm really not sure why I'm so cranky tonight though,' I think, knowing I shouldn't be this frustrated considering how well last night ended. My undead life got a special treat a few weeks ago when a Curves gym opened up around the corner from my house. I picked-up a schedule of their classes and found a Midnight Spin class that met all of my _needs_.

I like to think of it as my personal vampire drive-thru window on my way home from work. I so look forward to my tasty "Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Sunday" treats. I so appreciate the kind of sustenance that goes through the trouble of getting their blood pumping and endorphins high from exercise only to meet the sharp end of my fangs. 'Ah, the little things.'

The lithe body of the work-out girl sated my thirst, but sadly not my hunger, as there was no room in the front seat of my car to do what I wanted with her in those little spandex shorts. Just as I was about to glamour her so I could bring her to my house and see what was under the tight pink sports bra she was wearing, I got a text from my favorite little witch.

The message said, "Call me when you get home tonight if you're looking for some fun, Old Lady." 'Always, my bitchy witch.' I giggle. She's going to pay for that 'Old Lady' part though, but I bet that's _exactly_ what she expected.

To my utter delight I got to enjoy a very sexy and creative video chat with Amelia when I got home. I'm certainly not hung-up on her like my Master is with a certain Bon Temps resident, but I always used to enjoy the finer points of having that little witch ready and waiting at home after a long night's work. It didn't last though, 'things with humans rarely do'.

After our liaison ran its course, she got into a phase of preferring a pole to a hole. I'm glad Amelia seems happy with her new puppy, Tray. But last night, I was pleasantly surprised by Amelia's desires for me, as she was a bit lonely at Sookie's before the Viking and the Fairy got back from the bar to entertain her with sounds of their love-making.

Apparently, Amelia felt some intense urges that she couldn't quite work through on her own after finally finding my "calling card". In this case, a pair of my panties I had "accidentally" forgotten in one of her purses hoping to elicit exactly this reaction, as she got all hot and bothered while reminiscing about me.

She brought her laptop into the living room at Sookie's, made a toasty fire, and re-enacted some of my favorite explicit moments from our tryst. I really do enjoy that sexy little witch! She's so entertaining…and flexible…and open to 'suggestion' … even via the internet! I giggle, 'Gotta love glamour!'

'I wonder why I'm so cranky after all my fun last night?' Maybe I'm just a little frustrated because my Master has yet to thank me for pulling double duty lately so he could spend time working on his budding relationship with Sookie. Now that they've had time to work _out_ some _kinks_ and work _on_ some new ones, I'm expecting substantial compensation in some form or another.

I can't help but soften slightly in my secret thoughts of Sookie. Things have definitely taken on a shiny new luster since she came into our undead lives, like a burst of color illuminating the endless black that eternal night can bring.

'I prefer pastels myself,' I muse, but knowingly admit to myself that Sookie's vibrancy has channeled into a lot of other things. Amelia is just a part of the rainbow that makes that telepathic fairy someone I actually consider a friend.

I pull on my favorite Vera Wang ensemble because I need the kind of boost that only Vera can provide to get through the terrible boredom that is just a small part of my Monday night paperwork routine. Fashion and consumerism are my favorite past-times after all. But since the customers think a vampire should look like perpetual Halloween, I have to dress the part to keep up the mystique on nights when humans will see me.

I must really be in need of some relaxation because my vampire hearing is picking up the faintest echo of moaning. 'How is that possible? Where is that delicious noise coming from? Was that a giggle I just heard? Can vampires actually have a nervous breakdown?' My mind is racing with thoughts of my questionable sanity, but I guess in a world where there is a cat blood-loving vamp like Bubba, anything is possible.

The last time I felt teased like this, I had accidentally left a DVD of Sapphic vampire porn on a continuous loop in the main part of my house. That evening when I woke, I thought for a moment that I had finally died and somehow gone to lesbian heaven. I had actually considered the idea that there would be a bevy of beautiful women anxiously waiting for me outside of my day-chamber. Needless to say, I was quite disappointed when I opened my security door.

Tonight, however, I quickly search my home only to find the source of my increasing arousal at the same place I found myself staring at the beautiful naked body of my former lover last night, my computer. Except this time there are two naked people engaged in some wild activities and neither of them is Amelia.

Evidently like me, Amelia never turned her computer off last night because we were enjoying the afterglow of our reunion. What a happy accident that has allowed me to finally catch the Viking and the Fairy unaware. This makes me positively giddy as it appeals to both my voyeuristic nature and my longstanding interest in seeing my Maker and the telepath get it on. 'Finally!' I sigh, victoriously.

I have asked Eric many times if he would allow me to sneak a peek at them doing the dirty deed. He not so subtly suggested that it would be in my interest if I valued my freedom to stop pushing the issue because the idea makes Sookie uncomfortable. 'Like her _comfort _would be my greatest concern if she was naked. Pish-posh, Eric's just jealous.' He knows I would take _very_ good care of her. Better than him, in fact, because I know all of his tricks and a few of my own.

I can't help but maintain a profound curiosity and desire to finally justify his sometimes dangerous and seemingly endless interest in this human. She saved me and Eric in Rhodes, so I will be eternally grateful to her for her persistence and bravery. A lesser creature would have certainly given up trying to move two vampires who were dead to the world while a building was exploding around them.

Even before that incident though, I've always thought that his craving for Sookie Stackhouse had to do with more than just her yummy blood or her beautiful breasts. She has another completely intangible quality that seems to make you want to possess her and protect her.

I'm brought back from my musings of Sookie (God, I'm getting as bad as Eric!) to the scene on my computer screen by more groans and giggles. For reasons I can't even begin to fathom, watching them sprawled this way on her ugly couch, kissing and fondling each other, is sinfully erotic despite the fact that touching is all they are doing at the moment. They are absolutely mesmerizing and completely hypnotic.

All of the enjoyment I could feel coming from Eric through our bond makes tremendous sense now when I realize that they must have just gotten out of a hot and steamy shower together. Their long golden hair is dangling from their faces in sinewy trundles of wet blonde locks, sticking to skin in a beautiful netting of perfectly matched tresses.

Their bodies seem to have a dewy glisten, as if they didn't even bother toweling off before tangling themselves in a mess of unbridled foreplay in front of the fireplace.

Despite the intense passion of the moment, I can't help but notice the _way_ that Eric is kissing Sookie. It's like nothing I've ever seen from him before. And I've seen all of him, several hundred times over and in practically every position and situation imaginable. But, I have never seen him _kiss_ anyone like _that_.

'They really do look amazing together,' I think to myself, as I try to decide if I'm going to allow myself this indulgence. 'I deserve this. I really do. I work too hard.' His body is just as beautiful as I remember and even though I no longer have an interest in men, I can still certainly see the appeal to the Viking. Sookie is as gorgeous naked as I had imagined. I have been stealing glances of this girl for so long, I thought I could paint a picture of her ass from memory, but evidently I would not have done it justice.

Despite being completely turned on at the sight of the huge Viking pillaging the little Telepath like the great conqueror that he is, I just can't help myself. 'What better time than the present to exact a little retribution for my aggravation these past few weeks by returning the favor?' I evilly giggle.

I gleefully pull out my newest electronic accessory to give the Viking a proper cock-blocking phone call. I can't really blame the stream of obscenities that spew from his mouth when he hears my latest ringtone. Since he changes his personalized ringtones frequently to keep from meeting the final death due to the inherent boredom of entertaining the fangbangers with his sexy aloofness, he has had increasing difficulty in finding tones that I do not hate to represent my phone call.

I am amused, however, at this new selection, as it is a very fitting song from semi-current American pop culture. "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry is much more fitting as my anthem than some of his previous choices. Among his favorites were Rick James' "Superfreak" and "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns-n-Roses, to which I retaliated with The Rolling Stones "Sympathy for the Devil" and "Papa Don't Preach" by Madonna to precede his summoning me for another mundane task.

"Pamela, now is not a good time." His gruff voice chokes out indifferently, though I can see his very expressive face on my computer, as Sookie kisses his jawline and down his neck. I watch intently, as that little minx bites his nipple, causing him to practically crush the phone accidentally.

He barely holds back growling into the phone, before I amusedly begin speaking. "Yes, Master, but I was wondering if you were going to be in tonight because I have some liquor order forms that are not coinciding with the pull sheets from the last inventory and…"

He rudely interrupts, "I do not want to discuss finances right now, Pam. I am very busy with some… pressing matters." Sookie stifles a shy giggle, as Eric literally presses his large body down on top of hers, grinding his hips into hers in a slow rhythm. She tries to squirm away from him, but is easily coerced into maintaining this flirty foreplay even though he is on the phone… with me.

Apparently intrigued by the challenge Eric has presented, Sookie attempts to create a big reaction as she fingers through his long hair and roughly claws his muscular back in an agonizingly slow sweep. Her hands settle on his amazing ass and I can see that she uses all her strength to squeeze with both hands.

She grasps him so firmly, in fact, that he accidentally moans a little, but tries to play it off into the phone like he was just talking. "Ohhh… oh, Pam, did you need anything else…right now?" he says, feigning a casual tone. 'He is very good at this. I wonder how many times this exact scenario has played out before.'

They both seem to be undeterred by my phone call, as it has not slowed the progression of their interlude. A contest seems to develop from the fact that they are playing a sexy game of chicken to see who will be the first one to give themselves away with a telling noise or moan.

"Nothing much, just thought we could catch up. I feel like I haven't seen you in years. Tell me Master, how is Sookie doing tonight?" I ask, knowing exactly what he's going to do next after she teased him so relentlessly. He doesn't say another word before I watch him shove the phone into her hand and dive straight for her breasts.

"Hi Pam, how have you been dooooing?" the little vixen asks, helplessly drawing out her moan as Eric devours her with the newfound freedom of his mouth and hands. He drags his fangs across her tender, pink nipples in sensual torture, as she tries to hold her composure and relatively normal speaking voice.

"I'm fine Sookie, but you sound strange. Perhaps you are not feeling well. I know Eric is not proficient with human ailments since it has been so long since he was one. So, I could come over if there are any needs you may have that I could attend to," I ask, trying to see what my double entendre will do to her considering the Viking is giving her such sexy treatment. I wonder how long they can hold themselves back before one of them throws the phone in the fire.

"No, no, no…um I'm not feeling well, but Eric is actually taking very good care of me. Not to worry Pam. I ahhhppreciate it, but I'll be fine. I'll see you soon. Bye!" While Sookie is telling me her health status, Eric tries to get the best of her and kisses his way down her tan tummy with an evil grin on his face. As she closes the phone in an abrupt way and tosses it on the floor, she starts to touch Eric's beautiful hair in encouragement.

"What was that about lover?" he asks her, even though I know he heard everything I said to her and everything I implied by the way I said it. "Pam wanted to come over to check on me…since I'm not well…I feel bad for lying to her…oh Eric! That's so good. Don't stop." She answers him and moans as the result of his head nestled between her legs, although I can't see his ministrations due to the angle of the computer screen, but I am familiar with the kind of pleasure that can be produced from this vampire in that position.

Reminiscing over what I know to be some of my Maker's finer points, besides a beautiful physique and a cunning mind, his scintillating talents with his tongue could almost make the oldest vampire blush. I can't really blame Sookie for missing "my lesbian weirdness", as she terms it, in favor of paying attention to the giant vampire trying to find safe haven in her crotch like it's a light-tight space at sunrise.

She is still just as sweet as the day Eric and I first coveted her on the arm of the pansy-ass vampire Compton. Thank goodness for unanswered prayers though, because if she wasn't with Compton that night, who knows what would have happened to ruin their relationship before it had a chance. The fact that my Master hasn't managed to corrupt her innocence is a true testament to how deep that virtue lies within my telepathic friend.

"Oh, I bet she did. I'm sure she wants to _check_ on you. She'd love to _come_ over and give you a thorough… _examination_." My perceptive Maker knew very well what his innocent bonded did not apparently realize when I was offering my assistance.

"Please…please…Oh, Eric! I'm so close… Oh!" She doesn't say anything else that is articulate enough for even my vampire hearing to discern, as her climax rips through her like a freight train. The reason for my Maker's proud face is evident on Sookie's completely sated body while he licks his lips in satisfaction with himself and the undoubtedly sweet taste of her. His fangs are glistening with her blood in a way that makes me ache for them both.

Sookie's sudden melodious giggle fills the room as she throws her hand over her mouth to stifle the infectious sound. Eric's eyebrow quirks up in surprise by her reaction following what must have been one of her greatest orgasms ever, based on how her body convulsed and the fact that a blood bond feeds the sexual satisfaction in a bonded pair.

Eric lets a little frustrated growl out to release his tension from her odd response, "I know we can do better if not interrupted by phone calls, but there is no reason to laugh." She replies with an even bigger chuckle that causes Eric to wickedly slap her sweaty bottom, leaving a delicious red mark.

"Ow Eric! That hurt you brute. I'm not laughing at you. I just can't believe…never mind." She trails off and starts to wiggle free from him, but Eric expectantly doesn't let her get far before pulling her back forcefully by her ankle.

He doesn't say anything but give a small rumble of a growl and a sexy eyebrow wiggle, urging her to explain further. "It's nothing really. I'm just embarrassed to have come so close to screaming in ecstasy while on the phone with Pam… Let's just say I had a tiny dream about her the other night and having her on the phone while you were doing such wonderful things to me was all a bit too surreal."

Eric looks as intrigued as I am, but he remains quiet and unmoved, undoubtedly an adjustment he has made in his own usually dominant behavior for dealing with a sometimes unpredictable Sookie Stackhouse. My part-fairy friend does not respond well when she feels pressured to perform, but I'm quite sure that his curiosity will not win out over her stubbornness, making his tactic ideal to get her to talk.

"Do your worst Northman because I'll never talk," Sookie suppresses her laughter by trying to look fearsome. I know the Viking in Eric hates to be confronted like this, even jokingly. I hope I don't bear witness to another one of their fights on a night that was looking so promising.

Eric surprises me yet again with his handling of my obstinate friend, as he methodically pins her body down. He flashes his fangs for show and begins to relentlessly tickle her to the point of breathless tears. A squeal from a defeated Sookie stops his assault, as he backs away slightly to look at her face appreciatively.

"It's Amelia's fault really. She was bored and obsessively cleaning because Tray is out of town. You know how she is." Sookie takes in a deep breath, preparing for a nervous ramble. "Apparently, she found something of Pam's when she was going through her closet and started inadvertently projecting these wild thoughts at me. Later that night, I think she was even broadcasting in her sleep because… well I know it wasn't a memory…believe me I would remember that if it was… I mean, I never… we never…"

Though Sookie finishes in a stammer, her statement is loud and clear. That little Southern belle had a sex dream about me and Amelia. Eric's face doesn't show it, but I can feel his arousal boom with just a tint of jealousy through our bond. I wish I was in Bon Temps right now so I could press her for more information myself, but knowing Sookie won't make this easy, I will just be patient and allow my deviously clever and curious Maker to do what he does best.

"Sookie, besides being extremely excited with this new development in your fantasies, I demand to know what you have been dreaming about when it concerns my Child. I need not remind you Lover that you owe me some sort of compensation for taking my precious Corvette to a discount store and allowing it to be scratched by some careless human's ogling." Eric has that commanding tone to his voice, but a playful look in his eyes. Surprisingly, Sookie looks like she wants to tell him after all, but needed to be coaxed a little from her Puritanical shell.

"Fine, you win. You always win!" She throws her hands up in the air in surrender. He accepts with a head nod and though she is the one going to tell him a story, he places her naked body in his lap. She looks into the fireplace and unbeknownst to her, directly into the camera. 'I truly love my new view. Thank you, Sookie.' I think before being completely enamored again with the pretty blonde couple, lightly touching each other.

"Just so you know, I didn't want to take your car, but mine just wouldn't start no matter how hard I prayed. Besides, I parked your car at the back of the parking lot and no one else was around, so I can't figure out what happened there. Anyway, the dream… no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake Amelia's fantasies about Pam. I was so distracted from thinking about what I saw in Amelia's mind after she found Pam's panties that when I went to go to bed, I found that I just couldn't get to sleep. I started in on my own fantasies about you and…"

"My Lover, did you touch yourself and think of me to relieve the ache my Child started? I must say my Sookie, my _interest_ is more than piqued." Eric says this while pushing what I'm sure is a raging erection into her back. She shifts her weight from his lap and puts her feet on the floor. I am loving being me right now because she is facing the camera completely now and I am reaping the rewards.

"Stop it. You know I cannot talk about that kind of thing, but if you are asking me if I had some extra sexy thoughts of you… then yes. I went to bed wishing I could feel you on my body the way you were all over my brain." I love hearing Sookie talk like this, so unrestrained by her upbringing. She is breathtaking, as Eric slides a skilled hand between her legs, blocking the view I have of her ever increasing wetness.

She starts to slowly grind against his hands, increasing the rhythm incrementally as he does. This is not a frantic pace like before, however, as he is taking his time to fully enjoy her recounting of her dream. A few moments pass where she enjoys his hands on her body, one between her legs, pumping in and out, and one cupping her beautiful bountiful breast.

"I guess my thoughts of you intermingled with Amelia's dream about Pam, resulting in an… orgy type situation that was… very intense. I never realized that my telepathy worked that well while I slept, maybe it was because she was thinking about Pam so intensely, but the dreams was so vivid, like some memory and some fantasy combined in an explosion."

She continues reciting her account of Amelia's dream mixed with her own, without realizing that she is starting to give Eric an impromptu lap dance of which he looks most appreciative. "In the dream, Amelia and I are making dessert, ice cream sundaes actually, complete with chocolate and strawberry syrup and cherries and everything, but we are wearing only aprons and underwear though. Oh, this is so embarrassing. I've never had a dream like this before." He encouragingly nibbles and kisses her to make her comfortable enough to continue.

"Anyway, there is a loud knock on the door and you and Pam come in looking beautiful as always. Without saying a word, you both sit down at the table expectantly, as if we were making dinner for you or something. I realize that was why we are in our underwear when we were cooking. We are the dinner. No one is saying much, as I sit on your lap…similar to this…actually," she motions to their current position, as he slides his free hand up and down her body to encourage her.

Though her story-telling would be better if it was more descriptive, I like the direction this is headed. 'Thank you Amelia and your crazy imagination, without which, none of this would be possible.'

"Because it was a dream, this part doesn't make much sense, but we are all suddenly in front of the fireplace and the aprons are gone, but we humans still have our desserts in hand. Amelia and I start… doing some kind of sexy show for you both, pretending we are both vampires, biting at each other, and licking drizzled strawberry syrup off of each other like it's blood or something…" I can see Eric's eyes widen, as his imagination takes over with the thought of Sookie with another woman, as a vampire, or any combination of the two.

Without hesitation, Sookie continues her delicious tale, as the speed of his fingers pumping in her is increasing with the progression of her coquettish monologue. "Next thing I know, everyone is naked, but you are sitting on the couch just out of my reach."

"Pam and Amelia start kissing right next to me and you say something about this being the perfect _compensation_ for all of Pam's hard work, which I take to mean that you want _me_ to _pay_ _her_ _back_ for all the help she has given us lately…" It is nice to know that even if my Master hadn't noticed, my friend did. 'That makes me feel very content for so many reasons,' I realize, thinking maybe I was a little concerned with both of them forgetting about me now that they have each other.

Thankfully, Sookie continues before I have the chance to delve into the deeper meaning of my thoughts. "I get involved in their kiss and we all start letting our hands explore each other's bodies. I am certain this part came from Amelia's brain because the things we were doing to each other were not in my vocabulary before last night."

"Anyway, since everything was a little new to me, they kind of attacked me with their lips and hands. I felt devoured and so caught up that I hadn't notice Pam positioned her mouth over my entrance until I felt her fangs graze me." I love that Sookie realizes my skill without having experienced it first-hand. Though, telepathy probably fills in the blanks in her experience anyway.

"I didn't know what to do so I looked for you, Eric, but you disappeared. I was scared, but incredibly turned on. I thought you might be mad that you were left out, but before I could stop them Pam had me pinned down and was teasing me with her hand. She told me that you left so I could concentrate on her repayment without the distraction of your… gracious plenty…" Sweet Sookie is even shy and modest in her dreams… so cute.

Eric is practically panting with anticipation, as he begins more forceful kisses and nibbles along any inch of her flesh he can find. "Pam drips the ice cream all over me, as Amelia licks the cold fluid off with her warm tongue. Meanwhile, Pam is doing amazing things to me with her fingers and tongue while Amelia sucks on my breasts with a fierceness I thought possible only from vampires."

"The combination of sensations had me crazy in my dreams and I barely realized the moment Pam slipped her fangs into my thigh, as I had an orgasm that was too incredible to define. She said something about being even, as she straddled my head…" She knows me too well, because I would insist on her returning the favor in this situation.

"I don't remember too much after that, but the whole thing had me so embarrassed that when Amelia woke up in the morning, I couldn't look at her without blushing. I think she thought I was sick or something. She has no idea how sick I think." Sookie finishes her shy thoughts while Eric is frantically mauling her body. Realizing his appetite has just been stoked to epic proportions, she says, "Let's take this to the bedroom, Eric. I have an awesome new outfit I want you to rip off me."

He growls loudly, and smacks her on the butt again, as she runs toward her room giggling, knowingly inviting a chase, which is an immediate aphrodisiac to any vampire. 'God damn, Eric is so fucking lucky,' I think, before my sudden mischievous grin returns, as I know of only one way to complete my satisfaction with this turn of events.

I cannot stop my supreme satisfaction with what I am about to do. Teasing my Master is a personal art form that I have perfected over the years. I text him my message and wait to see his reaction on the computer screen. I am so excited when I see him read and process my words. "Tell Sookie that she will decide my salary and bonus structure from now on, as her idea of appropriate compensation is far more appealing than yours."

Eric looks around the room and finds the laptop pointed his direction in an instant. Just as I expected, he saunters over to the screen with a devilish grin. He says proudly, "Tsk, tsk, Pamela. Eavesdropping is a crime, my dear. I suppose I could punish you, but we will call it even now that I realize I may have been neglecting your fair compensation these past few weeks. I hope you liked the show." With that, he winks and shuts the laptop, cutting off my access to what I'm sure will be a wonderful display of his sexual expertise as a result of Sookie's dreaming teasing him to the point of sinfully sweet pain.

I decide to put off my work duties for a little while, as I am sure Eric will understand my needs given they are the fault of his bonded's wicked imagination. I walk down the hall to my guest room to properly thank the other party responsible for ending my cranky mood tonight. "Amelia, my bitchy witch, are you in the mood for some ice cream by any chance?" I shut the door with a dramatic flair, as I think, 'Ah, the little things.'

**A/N:** Pam is one of my favorite characters, but I had such a difficult time writing her POV. She's so wicked and funny. I hope I didn't do her a disservice. **Please Review** so I know if I should continue these, I have a few more and am willing to take requests!


	6. Sam Hates Grafitti

A/N: This story is a little different than the other ones. Hope you like it. I want to preface this story by stating outright that I am not implying Sam Merlotte is a pervert. He is a vigilant businessman who has installed a surveillance camera in the bathroom of his restaurant/bar. The camera is not peeping into the stalls, but simply facing the public area near the sinks and mirror, in particular, the wall. You see, poor Sam has had to clean some crazy things off his walls as an owner of a red-neck bar, but the strange limericks about some of his patrons that have been showing up all week are definitely different and he needs to get to the bottom of this mystery.

**Sam Hates Grafitti**

"Ain't this a fucking bitch," I say loudly, it doesn't matter if I scream it because there is no one around to hear me, as last call was over two hours ago. I am not usually one for profanity, but this is just getting out of hand. Before I get to officially close the bar for the day and head back to my trailer to kick back with a beer, I find myself scrubbing down the goddamn bathroom wall again.

Some vandal has been defacing the bathroom walls in a way that has left me baffled all week. Around the time I suspect this is taking place, I have been keeping a close eye on who comes in or out of the bathrooms and I still have no leads. For a minute, I thought it might be Andy Bellefleur, mad that he got cut off last week, but I went in after him and there was nothing there.

Like clockwork, however, I checked back less than an hour later and the graffiti artist had struck again. The mysterious perpetrator is actually writing limericks about people who frequent my bar instead of the usual raunchy phrase or initials I find. I have to admit that the first few poems were actually very entertaining because they were about a person I detest. Scratch that, vampire I loathe is more like it, that son-of-a-bitch Bill Compton.

The first night…

Have you heard of vampire Bill

Lived a long life with no sexual skill

For Bill it seems

Only has sex in his dreams

Because surely no woman ever will

The next night…

Have you heard of Bill the vampire

Whose known as a coward and liar

with big sideburns that are not hot

and a small penis with dry rot

The pathetic loser should jump in a fire

Then the limericks started appearing every night and even though Bill doesn't have the need to go into the men's room, I can't risk this shit becoming something people think is okay to do. Someone's bound to get offended eventually.

I have had enough so I devised a particularly clever plan for finding the identity of the culprit. After I get finished cleaning up the wall from tonight's newest addition to the arsenal of insults on my customers, I will be installing security monitors in both of the bathrooms. I figure if I aim it away from the stalls that it isn't really a violation of anyone's privacy and I will get to put a stop to this shit once and for all.

I figured when this started that it was just some of my customers that don't like the vamps that stop by and these poems were just a way for people to blow off some steam. Vampires in general are a tough topic around here because so many people blame Sookie for the blood-suckers popping up around the bar. I know that she isn't really to blame, but if she could stay away from them for a little while then I'm sure they'd forget Bon Temps ever existed and things could go back to normal around here. Who am I kidding though? You can't forget Sookie.

I can't help but wonder how differently things would be now if I had made some formal attempt to date Sookie while I had the chance, before she ever met that leach Bill Compton. He is such a creepy asshole and he lives so close to her that I feel like I have to check the perimeter of Sookie's house at least a few nights a week just to see how many times I can catch him peeping in her windows. Last time I caught him I was in an owl form and he didn't recognize me. I couldn't believe what I saw him doing. He was actually outside in a rain storm watching Sookie and Eric having sex like some kind of crazy, perverted undead stalker.

I'll admit that I was tempted to look at them myself though. The incredible noises that were coming from her house made me kind of curious, but I have more respect than to look in someone's window like that. Even though I was slightly jealous and kind of horny, Sookie is my friend and that's what porn is for after all. Besides, I think Eric knew I was there anyway because I could have sworn I saw him gesture in my direction before he took my beautiful, naked friend to bed with him. He never brought it up though and he's had plenty of opportunities because he's been coming around a lot lately to visit Sookie at work.

Apparently, Jason has been staying with Sookie while his house is being fumigated for an infestation of some kind and he is cramping Eric's style. Jason has been trying to be overly-friendly with the vampire Sheriff the past week for some odd reason. That's really strange too because Jason hated all vamps until the morning after he got drunk with his buddies on the road crew last week.

I start scrubbing harder to get any trace of this thing about Jason off the lady's room wall before Sookie comes in tonight for her shift to find this shit about her brother. I do find this one slightly amusing though and somewhat helpful in figuring the identity of the culprit, as the person makes a veiled reference to Jason's mostly unknown were-panther status.

If you're looking for a wildcat in the sack

Jason Stackhouse is no hack

He sure aims to please

Just watch out for his fleas

Once you get them you can't give them back

Sookie will not be amused with this kind of thing about her brother, even if he is a man-whore who kind of deserves it. I don't really have a problem with Jason, but he is not a very good brother to Sookie and she deserves better than him treating her so disrespectfully. Just last week he was in here talking about his sister and her lesbian vampire friend having a slumber party, hinting they were a little more than strictly friends. I knew how absurd it was and that Jason is completely thick-headed, but I can't help but chuckle at the idea of this vampire sleep-over he imagined since they sleep during the day and Sookie doesn't like girls.

If I remember correctly that was the night Bill Compton offered to drive Jason home. I thought it was odd because that damn vampire tries to keep to himself as much as possible, but I chalked it up to him trying to look good for Sookie. Come to think of it, the graffiti has only been about people that are involved with Sookie to some degree. I hope somebody doesn't write something about her on the wall too because I have the feeling that the closer she gets with Eric, the more likely she is going to end up living with him in Shreveport and quit working here entirely. Someone writing something awful about "Crazy Sookie" on the wall might be just enough to make that happen.

*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~* Later that Day *~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*~~~~~~*

This shift sure has been a long one. So long, in fact, that I almost forgot that it is almost time for my bathroom sting operation to catch that asshole responsible for the defacement of my property. Arlene had to go home early because she went another round with Sookie tonight. She said she was in a hostile workplace or whatever, but really she just wanted to shove off without doing her side-work again. I am not certain exactly what it was this time, but I chose to tune out her hate speech. I don't like vampires either, but I know that poem, 'For Whom the Bell Tolls' and I know pretty soon that bell will toll for me after the two-natured finally reveal themselves.

Arlene has more drama going on than a Jerry Springer show and when her life doesn't dish it up for her, she creates it. I wish she were more like Sookie. Hell, I wish everyone was more like Sookie. She is so loyal, brave, fun, pretty, genuine and…

'Oh hell! Here's Eric, right on cue,' I think to myself, as the hush of the remaining patrons takes hold when they recognize the massive vampire stroll in. I can't help but notice the way he lets the room adjust to his presence, like we all have to acclimate to him occupying the same space, something that I'm sure only serves to feed his massive ego.

'Great,' I yell in my head, 'Now I get to hear all of their sexy talk while I hopelessly pine over her like a love-sick puppy.' I hate this, but I certainly don't mind Eric as much as Bill. He's still a vampire though, a dead blood-sucker that will only hurt my friend before she has a moment of peace to see them for what they really are. I hate myself for not being brave enough to ask Sookie out proper before that goddamn Bill Compton came in here to screw up all our lives.

Of course, at the time I had no idea that Sook was a fairy. The supe world would have found her eventually anyway, I guess. Sure as shit found me, even though I took up here for just that reason, to avoid the supernatural community at all costs.

Eric swaggers over to Sookie's section after giving me his customary smirk for a greeting. He sits down and due to the inescapable fact of my extraordinary shifter hearing, I must endure their sexual banter. "Can I get you a True Blood, Eric?" Sookie asks him innocently enough.

The Viking scowls at her in mock-disgust and says, "No, I never touch the stuff. It is truly vile and metallic. Besides, I have a far more delectable drink in mind, but I do not think it is on the menu. Maybe you could recommend something sweet and unique, an intoxicating blend that was made… just for me."

She giggles at him lovingly, before participating in his game, "Well, there is nothing like that here, but there is this old place way out on Hummingbird Lane that I believe carries what you're looking for. It is kind of out of the way though, but I believe the owner's hospitality makes it well worth the trip."

"Indeed, but I hear some rather undesirable rif-raf has been hanging around the place lately, wrecking the ambience." Pulled from the playful back and forth by the slight jab at her brother, Sookie replies huffily, with some extra twang for effect, "I am so sorry to inconvenience you, Mr. Northman, but my brother required shelter and I am not one to turn a fella' in need out in the cold, as you yourself well know." There is no doubt in my mind she is hinting to the safe harbor she gave him when he was bewitched, safe harbor and evidently so much more, as that is when this whole thing really started between them.

Sookie's sweet Southern accent in the statement makes it sound so endearing that if she were to tell you terrible news in that manner, you would probably just take it and then ask her about her day. "I know, Lover," Eric kisses her hand chivalrously. 'I hate it when he calls her "Lover",' I think, before I have to deal with more of their unbearable flirting.

"I cannot help but long for the fumigation work on his house to be completed. As skilled as I am, I find noiseless sex difficult and I am very interested in fully exploring that new outfit you purchased for me." I hate that he feels so free with her and their private business. I know him to be insanely selfish and predatory in his possessiveness, yet he flaunts her in front of me like this, knowing full well that I can hear them and how I feel about her.

"Soon enough, Sheriff, but I promise it will be well worth the wait because the outfit also comes with a show. By the way, since we're on the topic, apparently the sex is never noiseless no matter how hard we try. Jason went out for a run last night because he said he could hear the creak of the floor and the bed slamming against the wall. That was an embarrassing conversation to have over breakfast this morning, Eric." Sookie says, annoyed suddenly.

"Lover, I am sorry if I have upset you. If you prefer, we do not have to use the bed, perhaps the shower or the ceiling or…" He doesn't get the chance to finish, as her bothered look fades to pretend irritation and then an amused chuckle. "I don't care if you can fly, Eric, I'm not having sex on the ceiling." She rolls her eyes dismissively before slumping down in the seat next to him, worn down from her exhausting night.

"I'm sorry, Eric. It isn't actually your fault I'm cranky. Arlene and I had some words earlier and I guess it bothered me more than I realized." She looks sad recalling the incident from earlier and no doubt reminiscing over the love lost between my two formerly friendly waitresses.

"I know, Lover, I felt your agitation. That is why I flew here to see you earlier than we planned. I had hoped you would be finished by now so we could have some time together before your brother gets back from his philandering. However, I know how much that woman disappoints you, so if you want to talk about the red-headed she-devil, I will oblige. Anything to make you a happy Sookie, as a happy Sookie is far more indulgent… of me." I can't help but be jealous at his innuendo and that I'm not the person she is turning to, though I haven't been that person since these fanged creatures started coming around.

"Thanks, Eric… It's just that Arlene and I used to be pretty good friends and now all I get from her mouth or her mind is just blind hatred. I hate being around her ugly thoughts. Tonight, there was an order for a customer who didn't want any garlic on her food and Arlene called her a fangbanging whore under her breath. She turned around and saw me standing behind her and said…" Sookie trailed off for a moment, before regaining her composure.

"Trash begets trash so I should bring the filthy race-traitor her food myself. We would probably have a lot to talk about since we both give it up for any undead thing we can find while slumming in the gutter." I was mortified that I didn't realize Arlene talked like that to Sookie. If that is what she says to her out loud, I wonder what Sookie hears that Arlene's bigoted brain filters. No wonder Sook has been looking so distraught all night.

"Lover, that woman is not worth your time and you know it. I understand the loss of the friendship you shared, I suppose, but she falls very short of the caliber of person who deserves to be in your company. Since the ignorant people in this town neglected to treat you with the proper respect that you deserve your whole life, I have to wonder why you would even bother to entertain that her opinion has any value in the first place. You are so much better than all of them." He does make a good point there. So many fools in this town have been so verbally abusive to Sookie that I wonder how she has put up with it for so long.

"You're right, Eric. I appreciate you trying to cheer me up even if you did just kinda say my hometown is filled with a bunch of losers in the process." She half-heartedly chuckles and reaches across the table for his hand. He looks at her with an intense expression before pulling her hand to his lips for a kiss, never breaking eye contact. Sookie shivers from his attentions and I can tell her breath hitched a bit from the contact.

She gets up a moment later and saunters over to me at the bar with renewed vigor in her step. "Sam, is it okay if I go now? My last customer left a half an hour ago and Eric doesn't want anything anyway." I half laugh, knowing exactly what he wants. I hate thinking about what the two of them are going to end up doing if I tell her it's okay to leave with him.

I can't stop the words from coming out with a rude tone before I reply, "Yeah, right. There are only a few people left and they're all at the bar anyway. So go ahead and leave Sookie, why should you have to do your job and finish out your shift now that he's here?"

She stands there open-mouthed while I march away. God has a sick sense of humor because no sooner did Sookie stomp off indignantly to get her purse from my office did the door swing open to reveal an entire rec-center basketball team coming in to catch a few rounds before last call. I start rushing around to fill their orders and deal with their complaints that there are no women in the place. Lucky Sookie did leave because I am sure Eric wouldn't have been too forgiving about the way these idiots would have treated her being the only woman in a place filled with horny men.

It is almost forty minutes before I catch my breath and get to kick these red-necks out of my bar. It isn't until my arm feels a twinge of strain when I start to wipe down the counters, feeling tired from my scrubbing the walls all week, when I remember my video surveillance.

I finish up with the bar and rush into the ladies room to find another limerick on the wall, except this time it is about me. I read it and rush out of there towards my trailer, not caring to clean the message right now with the identity of the one responsible so close to being confirmed. I want to know who to blame so I can ban them permanently and never have to scrub like this again.

I watch the video of the ladies' room in fast-forward because it is not a place I was able to determine a timeframe for the writing like I was with the men's room. I see different female patrons reapplying their make-up and adjusting their clothes, some of them not washing their hands, nothing too interesting.

Nothing interesting, at least not until I see Sookie burst through the door crying. I see that the time stamp shows this was around when she asked to leave. Knowing I only reacted out of jealousy, I feel so bad that I made her cry after the rotten treatment Arlene gave her earlier. I am feeling really shitty now, so I reach for the phone to call Sookie and apologize when the bathroom door opens again.

Locking the door behind him, Eric walks up behind Sookie, who is slumped over the sink in tears, as he gently places his arms around her waist. She doesn't flinch or pull away in her typical stubborn way, instead leaning into his touch as he caresses her. He turns her around slowly and runs his hands up her tan thighs. When he reaches her butt, he squeezes as he lifts her up, placing her on the counter-top.

She is still whimpering a bit when he places his finger under her chin, forcing her to meet his eyes. Without saying a word, he licks the tears from her face and she smiles. I think it is odd to see Eric so sweet with her; he even hugs her a bit before kissing her lightly.

'So much for sweet,' I think, as their kisses become more frenzied and passionate. His hands snake up the front of her shirt, as her small hands struggle with his. He makes quick work of her uniform shirt by ripping at the collar to make it easier to remove from her supple body.

Using his massive hands to palm her breasts closer to his hungry mouth, he uses his fangs to rip her white lacy bra in half. A beautiful bounty of her exposed flesh is unleashed into his firm grasp, as his mouth finds her pebbled nipple. He sucks fervently and she moans with her head thrown back.

So caught up by the speed in which this situation has unfolded, I almost didn't even stop to consider how weird it is for me to be watching this. I feel like I was so temporarily mesmerized by what I was looking at on this small screen that I barely had a moment to second guess the moral reasons why I should turn this off.

I reach for the stop button on my remote to find myself frozen, too enamored to turn this off. If I forget the fact that I know these two people, I can almost pretend this is a dirty movie on HBO and nothing that is too wicked for me to indulge my increasing sexual appetite. It is a public bathroom after all and definitely not the same as peeping through her bedroom window.

I sit back in my chair, having made my decision the moment my eyes become transfixed on the screen again. While I was debating the moral aspects of what I am doing, on the video Eric took the liberty of removing her shorts and put her back up on the sink. The video has no audio, so I let my memory serve to match up the sounds I heard outside her house that night I caught Compton eavesdropping.

While my pants start to get uncomfortably tight, Eric drops to his knees in front of her and I can tell that he is playing her body like a well-tuned instrument. She threads her hands into his hair and he rewards her with whatever he is doing with his hands. Though I can't see because of the obstructed view, he is moving his hands at vampire speeds, which looks like a continuous blur. She says something that appears to be, "Bite me," and he nuzzles her leg a bit before sinking his fangs in to her femoral artery.

Though I can't hear the sound, her unbridled cries of pleasure seem to resonate in my mind while I enjoy her visceral beauty. Eric licks her thigh and stands abruptly, with one swift motion he is fully inside of her. Holding still for a moment as she comes down from the high of her climax, he begins grinding his body against hers.

Eric pushes into her in an agonizingly slow, taunting way that has her practically in tears with desire for him. Sookie gives his nipple a tight squeeze, causing an obviously loud growl from him, which she clearly loves as she smiles wide. Unexpectedly, she puts her hand to his mouth and pricks her fingers on his exposed fangs, creating an excruciating state of wild lust in them both.

He continues to claim her body, changing positions so her back is against the wall next to the sinks while he pounds roughly into her, something she seems to love. I can see Sookie's face just over his shoulder, looking raw with hunger for the vampire. Now, I'm not gay, far from actually, but the moment Sookie grabs a handful of his ass, I can certainly understand why.

I am surprised by how rough Sookie is actually, as she rakes her nails down Eric's back so hard it bleeds a little. This action causes him to hiss and double his assault on her body, though I can tell he is treating her with a restrained passion to not hurt her. Because she is so modest, I always thought that Sookie would enjoy slow, passionate love-making, not this primal, aggressive fuck-fest in a public bathroom.

I cannot believe my eyes at the speed at which he is thrusting into her body. She is lost in ecstasy and obviously biting down on her lips to avoid screaming out her moans and groans for everyone in the bar to hear. He places her back on the counter top by the sinks and she raises her butt up for more leverage; though I'm not sure how she is able to pull off this feat of strength as his stride has yet to waver, if anything he has increased his pace.

Eric's massive hand tangles in her beautiful golden hair as he pulls her closer, as if he can't get her close enough. His other hand teases her nipple while he bites her neck without breaking the skin. She returns his nips with one of her own on his shoulder, except she is not as gentle. Provoking the vampire further, she scratches at his back again, causing dark red streaks that send him into a wild frenzy.

Suddenly, he brutally attacks her neck with his fangs and she appears to scream his name as they climax together. Urgently pulling and tugging on every inch of skin or lock of hair they can find, they begin to kiss again, although with more of a loving quality. There is a look of adoration in her eyes as she watches him lick the remaining blood from her neck and the small amount that has trickled down to her gorgeous breasts in a thin line of red liquid on perfectly bronzed skin.

They get dressed quickly, Sookie in the tatters of her shirt with Eric's leather jacket on top and her vampire lover in his own clothing, which has remarkably survived their romantic interlude untouched. He sends her out a moment before him, saying something that has her lean up to kiss him before exiting.

As soon as Sookie is out the door, Eric turns away from the camera and towards the wall to… Son of a Bitch, that bastard has been the one tormenting me this whole time. Now tonight's little poem makes a lot of sense since I barely paid it any attention earlier because I was so caught up in finding the one to blame that I never stopped to think about it.

Have you heard Merlotte is really a bitch

Because he employs a red-headed witch

Should watch how he talks

To the poor waitress he stalks

Or soon he'll be dead in a ditch

He and I said we would try to get along better for Sookie's sake, so maybe he meant it as a joke at first, but I don't appreciate him calling me a bitch in my own bar. I take out a pen and some paper to write a little limerick of my own because I plan on visiting Fangtasia tomorrow and returning the favor. On second thought, I think I'll put it on a card along with a copy of this video because that will certainly make this little game of his more fun and much less dangerous… for me.

The note Sam sent Eric…

There once was a vampire named Eric

Whose debauchery was nothing but epic

Will lose Sookie's love

With just a small shove

From thinking with only his dick

A/N: **Please review** and make any suggestions for things you might want to see in the future. Some of you have come up with some awesome ideas that I am thinking about for the next installment. The next one is probably going to be a Bill pov since I haven't picked on him in a while so let me know if you have any thoughts.

P.S.-

Just wanted to include the extras that didn't make the story, but I found amusing nonetheless. Once I started thinking of these, I got into a real weird Dr. Seuss mood and had a rough time stopping it. I added the second one about Bill and the ones about Eric and Sam just to use them since I came up with them while brainstorming.

There once was a vampire named Bill

whose Wii was his biggest thrill

his long life but a joke

in his boredom he'll sulk

after two minutes you'll have your fill

Have you heard of the vampire Bill Compton

Whose fangs might only be popped in

As a vampire, he's a joke

A sharp stake he should poke

When he leaves this world, we'll all grin


End file.
