Candy Candy 1. Fighting Destiny

**CHAPTER 1: FIGHTING DESTINY**

He was sitting at the front seat of his car, driving through the main streets of Chicago, while his mind was half concentrated in the traffic and the next appointment he was going to have with his lawyer. Since he had been obliged to take care of the Andrew's legacy four years ago, his life had turned into a kind of hell. Attaining his majority of age as specified in his father's testament, had changed his entire existence the day of his twenty third birthday.

Albert wrinkled his forehead as he evoked his progenitor, a father he hadn't known but whose presence was as real as the buildings that surrounded him. His glance stopped momentarily at the marvellous greenness that was filling the branches of the trees, after overcoming their brief wintry death. The intensity of the colour reminded him of a pair of radiant emerald eyes who had looked at him with deep love and tender.

Pauna, my dear sister. How hard it had to be for you to lose daddy when you were a youngster! How much you had to hate me for causing our mother's death when I was born! But you were always so kind to me. You were like a flower, beautiful and ephemeral as Spring. And Anthony made you so happy...

Not even the gentle breeze, the resplendence of that morning, nor the beginning of Spring was able to enlighten Albert's sad thoughts. The monotony of his days managing the Family business; Chicago society's constraint, so hypocritical and self concerned about gossips; the burden of responsibility, having to fulfil everybody's expectations... made his life a prison from which he didn't know how to escape.

_If only I could be brave enough to follow my conscience and heart's dictates_, he was thinking at the time while descending from his car in front of Weston & Associates headquarters, the prestigious law firm.

Conversely from what was expected from one of the most important millionaires of the US industry, William Albert Andrew Jr. maintained a life style very artless, nearly austere. His attire, though elegant and impeccable, showed little fashion concern and a strong interest towards simplicity and functionality. His hair, that he had let grow, was spread in locks over his shoulders, giving him an air of informality so far away from the instituted canons fixed by the traditionalist society of Chicago.

Though Albert paid no attention to the chattering that circulated helplessly about him, due to his public notoriety, he had gained a reputation of rebelliousness that emphasised the mystery that encompassed his entire person. His fairly inactive social life, his reticence to participate in the soirées organised by his pairs, the rare occasions when he arranged meetings at his mansion located in one of the most prestigious residential areas of the city, had won him many curious glares and also respect for the meticulousness of his business management. The fact that he rarely attended those social circles added more interest to his visits, and was welcomed by the gentlemen, who considered his opinions and criteria, as well as the ladies, who loved his attractive appearance and fantastic sense of humour. Charming host and perfect guest, he had gained the admiration of the high society of Chicago, who wished to enjoy his presence more frequently, and even the approval of those sceptics who had predicted his failure as businessman due to his youth and lack of experience.

Weston & Associates had represented legally the Andrews for the last three generations. Montgomery Weston, the president of the firm, had also been Albert's father's intimate friend and had assumed the child's custody after his parents' death. Though Pauna had been the one that took personal care of his brother and welcoming him in her house after her marriage, Montgomery had become his tutor until his twenty first birthday. That day Albert assumed full rights and obligations linked to his being heir and head of the Family, as his father had stated in his last will.

Montgomery and Albert had maintained a narrow friendship along the years, despite their not meeting often. In a sense, Monty had meant for the young Albert the father he had never known. When Pauna died, leaving his brother in the most absolute despair at the age of thirteen, his tutor advised him to enter St Paul College in London. Surrounded by youngsters of his very same age, in a totally different atmosphere, Albert could begin to forget his tragedy and was able to find a purpose for his life.

The young man entered the building and greeted the receptionist courteously.

"How are you feeling today, Ms Stewart? How is it possible that each time I see you I find you even more beautiful?"

A matron over her fifties, she smiled at him with affection; her eyes blazing with joy over the innocent gallantry.

"I think that next Christmas I will buy a pair of glasses for you, Albert. Though if you could see me the way I really am, your visits will lose all your interest."

"You are very humble," he replied with half a smile. "I'm sure you have broken dozens of hearts in this last week, not to talk about all the children that may have become your devoted fans after listening to one of your amazing stories."

While listening to him, the woman remembered the child that Albert had been fifteen years ago. Well educated, gentle, sensitive, he was endowed with wisdom unsuited for his age. He had adored listening to her tales while he waited for Mr. Weston to receive him on those rare occasions when he came to the bureau.

"Maybe, but none of them know how to pay me properly. Do you remember? A tale paid with a song,"she said as she looked at him with complicity.

"Of course I remember. How couldn't I! I still wonder how you could endure the noises I made with the bagpipe that my sister had given me."

_Candy was right, it sounded like snails running,_ he thought for an instant.

"It was a marvellous harmony, Albert. Don't deceive yourself. You are gifted with music ability. I assure you that you played with such a passion that strange Scottish instrument. You seemed to be a bard, in the period of great Wallace, giving his farewell before the battle."

He saluted her and tried to imitate a melancholic Scottish poet. From his throat came out sad notes similar to a strange chirping.

"Don't make silly things, Albert,"she could say as she managed to control her laughter. "It's a pity you haven't brought music again over this place. Nevertheless I have only met a boy who really liked my stories. And that boy has become a man who doesn't need anymore an elder as myself to amuse him."

"You exaggerate, Miss Stewart," he whispered as he half sat over her desk. "My life is so boring!"

"Maybe, because you want it to be so," she said as she winked her eye.

Albert seemed to get angry.

"But what kind of ideas are filling that imaginative little head?"

She lowered her voice.

"I know I shouldn't pay attention to gossips, but I am sure that more than one young girl in this city would adore that you courted her."

For a moment a dark shadow covered Albert's smile. It only lasted an instant, not even Ms. Stewart noticed it.

"Not only are you a great party," she continued, "but also a very attractive man. I would be the first to celebrate the occasion if you ever get married."

At that moment, the telephone rang. Albert stood up while Ms. Stewart indicated him by signs that Mr. Weston was waiting for him in his office. He smiled at her and began to go up the stairs that led to the first floor. Montgomery was standing at the door of his bureau.

"Albert, my dear boy," he greeted him as he invited him to enter the place.

There was a scent of wood and cigar in the room. Albert was trapped for a moment in the remembrance of a youngster that came to visit his tutor.

"What is the purpose for this visit?" he asked as he embraced the young man. "And how is your beautiful protégée? I suppose this is a visit of courtesy as your financial affairs seem to go on fairly well and you already have a perfectly organised personal life. You are too serious for your age, my boy. Your father would be very proud of you, as much as I am. Being your tutor has always been too easy."

Both of them took a seat in the great sofa where they always had conversed. Albert looked at Monty as he realized that the man had grown older. Besides, he wasn't anymore a young adolescent tied to a tutor, but an adult owner of his decisions. This gave him the strength he needed to convince himself of the rightness of his resolution.

"Would you like some brandy, whisky?" Montgomery offered.

"Thank you Monty, but it is very soon for me to start drinking,"Albert replied as he cleaned the sleeve of his jacket of an invisible speck of dust.

Montgomery patted his back.

"As you wish, but I think you shouldn't give up the few pleasures that a gentleman can enjoy. You take life very seriously, considering you are only twenty-seven years old. Ah, before I forget. Next week my wife is holding a party to celebrate my daughter's birthday. Why don't you come with Candy?"

Albert stood in silence. Was it possible that Melissa were nearly a woman yet? That reminded him of Candy's birthday, she was about to be twenty-one years old. _Her birthday is in May, in five week's time exactly._

"I don't know if I will be able, Monty. This is precisely the reason for my visit. I am considering making a trip and I must make a lot of arrangements. I also happen to be preparing a party for Candy. Although you know that I regard the traditions of the high society of Chicago as old fashioned and Victorians, maybe is about time to let Candy enjoy a night specially dedicated to her. Now that she is going to arrive to her majority of age, everybody must know her as a member of our Family and attribute her the rights that she has inherited. Since that moment, she won't need me as a tutor."

Monty smiled at him with approbation.

"That is very well done, Albert. And you need rest. You have done nothing but work for the last four years. You should learn to enjoy more and work less. I suppose that Melissa will understand your reasons. At her age, women only think about flirting, and she will have thousands of admirers to care."

Albert stood up and got near the window. The street was full of passers-by: young paper boys announcing the first issue of the morning, brokers walking frantically towards the Chamber of Commerce, blue-collars striding to their offices. Montgomery, accustomed to Albert's sudden silences, relaxed while mentally made balance of his working day. His reflections were interrupted when Albert began to speak again.

"The truth is that I am tired of living in Chicago. I want to leave this place, but I don't know for how long. It could be for various years. You are a fabulous businessman and I want you to be in charge of my affairs until I decide to come back."

Montgomery's smile froze in his lips. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His mind was twisting dangerously while he tried to find out reasons to make Albert desist from his decision.

"Except for the five years that I lived by myself, far away from everything that meant being an Andrew," he continued, "I have always followed my father's will and your advises as my tutor. Living those years in my way has been the best gift you have ever given to me, Monty. When I finished my studies at St Paul, when I was eighteen years old, you promised me liberty in exchange of two conditions: I had to be ready to assume my legate when I attained to majority of age, and I had to study Law. I lived as I wanted to, without restrictions, I thank you for that, but I also kept my promise. I studied Law and also the animal life, because animals are my passion. The day of my twenty-third birthday I took my inheritance in charge, so as responsibilities of my new position in the Family. Nevertheless, four years have passed and I am not happy. I don't want to continue living like this."

Albert sighed while he continued contemplating the streets. He felt as if his soul had been relieved from a heavy burden. His heart shouted jubilantly at the sight of what he could do with his life since that moment. _Free at last_, he thought.

Monty came near him and placed his hand over his shoulder. Albert turned to face him and couldn't avoid his distress at seeing his former tutor's glance.

"You know that could never be, Albert," he listened him saying as his heart cried knowing that Monty could never understand him. "I am the first person who would like to see you happy and free to chose your own destiny. But you cannot deny who you are nor your duties. If I would let my affection to guide you myself, I probably would tell you to follow your true wishes but, I am a man of honour, and cannot let you do it. I would be a poor advisor if I didn't warn you of the mistake you are about to make. I don't have authority to stop you, you're the Lord of your fate, but you aren't free to charge your burden over my shoulders. Many people depend on you, Albert. On your decisions, on your sense of opportunity, on your business instinct. You have qualities enough to perform your role. You own a fortune that could help to change the social reality we are living. On the other hand, I am old. I lack your youth, your enthusiasm, your strength, your ideas to make something profitable of your inheritance. I could manage it in your absence but your father wanted that Andrew's fortune could change the world. And I think that in your heart you want the same. You are so alike to him! Only a man comparable to you could succeed. You can do so many things! Think about it, Albert, before making a decision. Weston & Associates could maintain your fortune, even enlarging it, but we cannot take decisions to transform society. Only you can do it!

Albert understood the truth hidden in his tutor's hard words, but that couldn't ease off the pressure he felt in his soul. He shuddered when he imagined a life in Chicago, chained by his fortune and captive of responsibilities he didn't desire. Nevertheless his sense of duty didn't agree and a deep grief invaded him. Unable to protect himself from the melancholy that Albert showed, Monty tried to make up a solution that could satisfy both.

"I think you deserve and need rest, my boy. I am talking seriously. You have worked intensively in the past months. Enjoy a period of holidays, and think about this conversation. Over that period, you must state how long, I will manage your affairs. I know that you will take the best decision for all... And now, let me offer you a drink. We both need it."

The mansion was silent. The scarce servants that Albert maintained, as a man of few necessities, had gone to bed hours ago. Only he continued awake, his chambers illuminated were the unique points of colour in the obscure building. His loyal Capucine lay at rest at his feet while he was reading one of the documents that he had to revise that night. He had finally made a resolution, in accordance to Monty's words. He had resolved to take a year to meditate over his situation and find an answer for the doubts that were mortifying him. He presumed that closing his affairs will take at least two more months, enough to finish his arrangements and assure Candy's position in the Family. Afterwards he intended to embark in route towards Africa.

When he was studying Zoology at University he had been remarkably fascinated by the African fauna, specially by the great anthropoids that were supposed to live in familiar groups over Virunga volcanoes, in Belgian Congo, in the north of Lake Kivu. Studying gorillas at their natural habitat seemed to him an exciting and scientifical experience as there was no specific documentation published on that matter at all.

Albert couldn't avoid smiling at the perspective. He sensed how his blood accelerated in his veins as his turbulent thoughts followed inexplicable courses. He felt full of energy, of projects, of illusion. He imagined how it would be living on his own, depending exclusively on his strengths and ingeniousness, far away from civilisation and its stupid rules. Living in communion with Nature, in an idyllic and savage country, enjoying the most beautiful nightfalls of the earth; savouring each moment, relishing the fact of procuring his own sustenance.

His daydreaming prevented him from realising that the door of his chamber had been opened and a noiseless figure had entered the room. Only a slight caress over his shoulder drove him back to reality.

"What were you thinking about, Albert?" asked a feminine voice, energetic and soft at the same time. "You seemed so happy... I didn't want to disturb you."

Albert took her hand and placed a kiss.

"I am so sorry, milady Candy. I hadn't heard you coming. Have you had dinner already?"

She shrugged her shoulders showing her lack of interest. "I haven't, Albert. There was so much work at the hospital... I am dying of fatigue."

He curled his lips and looked at her very seriously. "Candy, sometimes you are such a child! So worried about your patients and you always forget yourself. Come with me! I think that Hannah left something prepared for you."

Candy gestured her absolute weariness and let her body sank in a close chair.

"But Albert... I am so exhausted! I cannot eat anything, I really don't have the strength."

He took her hand as his face showed his determination. Candy let him led her without opposing any resistance. She hardly could maintain her eyes open.

"You work even more than I do, Albert," she whispered as they went down the stairs. "It is more than two o'clock at night, what are you doing awake?"

He stared at her with joy as he shook her palm. It was small but capable, accustomed to hard working. It irradiated warmth, as everything in her.

"How could I go to bed without knowing if you had already had dinner? Your lack of interest in yourself worries me a lot," he said as they went into the kitchen.

As Albert had predicted, Hannah had left some beef and a salad. Although Candy had thought that she had no appetite, she began to pick up the food before Albert could notice.

Sitting at the table, watching how he heated the beef, she began to tell him about her workday, as she had done many nights before. The kitchen had become their common place of reunion since they had begun to live together again four years ago, when he had put an end to her engagement to Neil Legan. This had been the best present he could have given her. That and also inviting her to live with him in his mansion of Chicago, where both of them could take care of their mutual obligations and also enjoy their company.

Talking with him, after a hard day, and observing his dexterity preparing victuals, fulfilled her with the pleasant sensation of being at home, safe and caressed. He always seemed to know which were her needs, anticipating her minimal desires. In some way, he substituted the parents and brothers she had never had. He was her family, and that warmed her with pleasure.

"Do you know that Flammy has come back?" she continued. "She was conferred a decoration for her courageousness when the war finished, three years ago. Now she is the chief nurse in the surgery department. I think that despite the time passed, she doesn't seem to like me at all. I am very happy to work under her supervision, she had learnt a lot. If I had had the braveness to follow her to the front..."

Candy couldn't see the fear that his face showed for an instant, because she was at his back. Only imagining that Candy's life could have been at risk made his heart ache with anxiety. Nevertheless he didn't say a word, he had learnt in his childhood to hide his dreads to others. He neither wanted to frighten the girl. It had been difficult to gain her confidence; now, she trusted him all her concerns instead of facing them alone, as she did in the past.

"She used to say that I was a frivolous person, more worried about flirting than about working,"she commented, unaware of Albert's thoughts.

"This is ready," he said as he came near to the table with a steaming plate in his hands. He placed it in front of the girl as he kissed her cheek. "And don't worry about Flammy, she will soon realise that you are an excellent nurse. I am the living proof of it."

As he talked, he had sat next to Candy and began to peel an orange. She glanced at him, very serious.

"Albert... Thanks," she said in undertone, her voice a caress, nearly inaudible except for himself. "Thanks for taking care of me during these past years. Thanks for being by my side, helping me to overcome so many difficulties. If it hadn't been for you, I would have died in sorrow when I knew that Terry had married Susanna. Despite that, I thought that I had already forgotten him, I think that this love will always be with me, wherever I go. Now it is merely a deaf rumour, distant, not the tempest in which I was drowning in the past. Thank you for enduring me. I know it wasn't easy."

He turned his face to her, trying to transmit all his understanding; desiring that days didn't pass so slowly and her injuries had had time to heal completely.

"Candy," he murmured. "Time always helps to heal wounds, all kind of wounds. You are a strong woman. You are full of energy, full of passion. Someday you will fall in love again. That doesn't mean that you will forget about Terry, as I am sure that he hasn't forgotten about you. You will learn to be happy with his remembrance, and it will cause you no more pain but tenderness for the great love you had the opportunity to live."

She knew that he was right, but she also knew that thinking about ever forgetting Terry damaged her more than anything. _I don't want to find another man. I want to live forever with his memory. But it hurts so much!_

"Albert!" she shouted, drowning in her tears as she buried her face in her hands. "Why? Why can't I forget him?"

He remained silent but opened his arms. She took refuge between them, sinking in her personal hell. Sitting over his knees, she hid her face in his chest wetting his shirt with hot tears. He stayed motionless, rocking her, stroking her hair, singing a Scottish lullaby until she fell asleep. Then, he took her to her bedroom.

_Your sadness will fade, Candy. I promise. And one day, you will be completely happy again._

 2000 Rosa Carmona


	2. Memories

**CHAPTER 2: MEMORIES**

The wind played gently with her golden hair while she run upwards the hill. The sun was high in the sky and tanned softly her cheeks. She felt some sweating drops in her forehead and stopped to rest for a moment. She undid the laces of her shoes and walked barefoot feeling the fresh grass under her feet. She looked upon the sky and marvelled of the beauty that surrounded her. Pony's Hill enraptured her feelings. She closed her eyes for an instant, trying to relish that perfect moment... When she opened her eyes again she saw Terry staring at her, lying next to her, unworried, with a sensual smile on his lips. His deep eyes devoured her with passion as his fingers fondled her cheeks; nevertheless his face showed a tremendous sadness that found understanding in the female soul. She took a lock of his brown hair in her hand trying to evoke some past memory. _What is going on Terry? We are now together, as we had always dreamt, at Pony's Hill_. He answered with no words. He took her by her shoulders and attracted her towards him with growing passion, as he caressed deeply her mouth with a kiss that filled Candy with bitterness. Their lips had not moved away when Candy noticed her lover's eyes full with tears. She tried to dry them, but his hands stopped hers while they ran all over her figure, as if he wanted to leave a physical mark of his love. She got scared then. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again he had already disappeared.

Pony's Hill had changed. Instead, there was an elegantly decorated room, with a terrace that led to a garden full with roses. A tall figure with blond long hair was resting against the balustrade, reading a book. She recognised it as Albert. His shadow moved towards her and delighted her with an affectionate smile, though his eyes showed a never-ending pain. She noticed that his bright white shirt was stained. _Come closer, please_, she asked. So he did and then she could see a red mark in the left hand side of his chest. _You are hurt, Albert_, she said. He nodded and shrugged his shoulders, giving it no importance. _Let me heal you_, she begged. He shook his head as he knelt down next to her bed, then he kissed her hand gently. She could see that a big thorn that pierced his chest had done the hurt. She tried to take it out, but her hands did not obey because of some strange spell. Albert smiled at her again. _Never mind_, seemed to say as he went away. She tried to follow him but her body did not comply. It was then when he disappeared in the horizon. And a feeling of total agony invaded her senses...

"Miss Candy... Miss Candy... Be quiet... Shhh!"

Candy felt a tender hand over her forehead taking her back to reality. The room with the terrace was turning more and more ethereal in her mind as she recovered control over her body again and opened her eyes. A gentle face was smiling at her. She tried to stand up.

"Don't, stay still, miss," Hannah told her as she put a cold compress on her forehead, "Can't you see your head is boiling with fever?"

The maiden's eyes showed unbelief. Nevertheless, her nursing, analytical mind began to check symptoms that had not been noticed before. Her mouth was dry, her throat soaring, her joints stiffed and her head heavier than ever. The housekeeper fluffed the pillows up and put the undone sheets on their place.

"But I was feeling alright yesterday", Candy said as she let the old woman take care of her, "and they will be missing me now at the hospital."

The woman gave her a hot drink. In spite of the bad taste, she drank it in silence.

"Mr. Albert has phoned the hospital to tell them you were sick. Dr. Petersen has promised to come to visit you as soon as he finishes his morning duties."

Candy felt her body trembling due to the shivers caused by the fever.

"Do I look that bad, Hannah? I can't afford being sick too long. The hospital has been full with patients lately."

Hannah looked at her seriously. "You work too much, Miss Candy. Mr. Albert was very worried for you today. He missed you at breakfast and asked me to come and call you. I realized you had fever as soon as I saw your face. This has happened because you don't eat properly and you have not enough reserves. The only thing you have to think about now is to get well."

Candy tried to smile. "You are right, Hannah... and so is Albert... by the way, thanks for last night's extraordinary salad."

The woman blushed, turned round and continued tidying the room.

"You know what? When you woke me up, I was dreaming. I can't remember what was happening in the dream, but I do remember that Albert was hurt. I tried to help him but I couldn't. What do you think it can mean?"

Hannah bent towards Candy. "Now you must not think of dreams but sleep. There you have a glass of juice and some water. You have to drink a lot and be warm until you heal."

Candy closed her eyes while the good old woman tied her hair. She didn't know what kind of brew Hannah had given her, but her headache was disappearing. When Hannah got out of the bedroom, she was deeply slept again.

(…)

It was midafternoon when a car stopped at the front gate of the Andrew's Mansion and two young girls came down chatting lively.

"I could have never imagined that my dear Patty would learn to drive. And the truth is that you do it very well."

Annie kissed her friend's cheek as they went up the stairs. Her face was red by excitement. If Patty had been able to learn how to drive, so could she, and she would surprise Archie. She was tired of him thinking she was a scared, obliging girl.

"I could have never imagined it either, Annie," Patty answered. "It has been thanks to Marge, my cousin in New York. She took me to a meeting a year and a half ago, where I met some extraordinary women. They fight for our equal female rights and when you listen to them, you feel you can do anything."

Annie opened her eyes wide, trying to silence her friend.

"Do not boast about it too much, Patty," she answered almost whispering, "you know that type of meetings is not well considered in Chicago."

Patty could not avoid a laugh.

"I don't mind Annie. I have realised that I have a lot of things in common with them. I don't care what other people say..."

Annie bit her lower lip nervously. She could not believe that Patty had changed so much in the last few years. Patty had been even shyer than her when they first met, but Alistair's death had troubled her deeply. Now she was more determined and self-confident, besides her way of thinking was more liberal. If she had had a bit of a complex before because of her not very attractive look, now she was able to wake up every man's curiosity thanks to her charm and extroversion.

Annie smiled when she remembered Patty rejecting her last suitor, an English man called Rupert Beauchamp.

"... besides, it is important for women to start having some influence in politics," continued Patty, not taking care of her friend's thoughts.

Annie changed the matter straight away. Neither she was, nor she wanted to be, interested in politics. That had always been a matter for men. She already had had enough taking care of Archie and their home, since they had been married, six months ago. She felt enormously happy. He was such a gentleman, so considerate... If she could give him a child soon, her ecstasy would be complete.

"Poor Rupert, my dear... How could you make him suffer like that!"

Patty winked as she noticed that Annie wasn't interested in listening to anything that could question the organised world she was living in. A world where men and women had very different and perfectly established roles; a world where females had a sole destiny: having babies and taking care of their house, while men had to take care of mundane matters. Patty was sure Alistair would have approved her developing her intelligence further from what the narrow society she was living in would ever allow her. _Alistair_, his name still caused her trembles.

"I am not interested in Rupert, nor in anyone else," Patty answered taking apart all her memories.

They had reached the top of the stairs when Mr. Madsen, the butler, came out to welcome them.

"Mrs. Cornwell, Miss O'Brien... I am glad to see you both here," he said as he

greeted them, leaning his head forward.

Annie and Patty smiled as they entered the great hall of the Andrews Mansion.

"We have come to visit Miss Andrew. Is she in?"

As professional as usual, he told them about Candy's sickness, with an imperturbable face.

"Is Mr. Andrew at home then?" Patty asked, in a tone of voice that hid her concern.

Mr. Madsen took them to Mr. Andrew's study. When he announced them, Albert stood from this desk and hurried to meet the girls.

"Patty, Annie... What a great surprise seeing you here!" he said as he kissed them.

Both girls sat in the great empire-style sofa that covered the right-hand sidewall of the bureau. Although they had been there before, they were absorbed by the exotic decoration. Every wall was decorated with pictures of some of the most beautiful animals of the world: in one of the corners there was an African life-size gorilla and from the ceiling a big Japanese lamp hung up with origami reproductions of beautiful eastern birds. As usually, the balcony was opened and a bright natural light illuminated the whole room.

"I would like you to teach me how to make paper shapes sometime, Albert," Patty said as she observed, enraptured by the little birds in the lampshade.

"Whenever you like," he answered as he offered them some drinks.

Annie looked at her watch. It was almost teatime.

"Albert, how about some tea? It is almost tea-time," she asked expectantly.

Although he didn't follow that English tradition, he knew Annie liked to play the perfect lady of the house, so he asked Berta, the cook, for some tea for all of them.

"Thanks, Albert," she told him, and changed the matter. "We have heard Candy is sick, what is the matter with her?"

"Nothing serious, thank heavens," he answered letting out a soft sigh. "Dr. Petersen has visited her this morning and has told us she has a mild flu, but she needs to rest. In four or five days she will be fine again."

Both friends smiled, showing him their happiness for the news.

"Anyway, we have been lucky we noticed it on time. She is such a stubborn girl!"

Annie observed Albert carefully while he continued talking about his protégéé. It was so obvious for her that Albert was the perfect man for Candy. With no doubt he was in love with her. Annie knew no one as considerate and charming as he was, exception made by her husband. How couldn't Candy see that? Why was she so blind? She felt a tremendous anger. _Candy is still obsessed with Terry. And Albert... I don't know how he can continue living in the same house with her, continuously hiding his feelings. These last four years might have been a torture for him, especially when Candy was so devastated about Terry's wedding. He will never admit his real feelings because he's convinced she will never forget Grandchester_.

The sound of a handbell announced the maid, Martha's arrival. Annie indicated to her quickly where she could place the tea service, playing the hostess part. Albert observed her with a funny look while he asked her about her marriage. Meanwhile, Patty walked through the room. Animals had always fascinated her. She remembered her tortoise. Albert had taken care of it when they wanted to take it away from her at St. Paul's College. She brought back the time when Candy defended her before Sister Grey and was punished instead of her. Her friend's courage had let her sweet Huly.

Patty looked towards Albert. Nobody could deny his attractiveness, or his great personal qualities. His love for life, his generosity. Patty closed her eyes and tried to place her feelings under control. She had been hiding her true feelings to herself, but she couldn't deny anymore that she had begun to fall in love with Albert. She even knew the precise moment when her attitude towards him had started to change, a year ago.

_You were sitting at the lounge... You hid your face under a hat, but I recognised you as soon as I saw you. Marge had taken me to an election meeting at an inadvisable neighbourhood therefore very secure for us. We were passing by that tavern when I saw you. Sitting there, alone, drunk. I asked Marge to go forward and I decided to watch you for a while. You were drinking as if you wanted to dry the place, slave of a rough anguish you weren't unable to satisfy. I was really touched, just as Alistair made me feel in the past, because I knew how you felt. Jealously mad. At that season, Candy was putting down her pain, caused by Terry and Susanna's wedding. You used to listen to and comfort her. But, who comforted you? Your eyes told me more than the six years I had known you... Because you are a great mystery, Albert. Under your apparent quietness and stillness, lives a fiery and passionate personality. I could see how you accepted the whore's touch, how you tried to satisfy your appetite, how your eyes brought out tears on her breast before common sense came back to you. I witnessed your soul suffering, its silenced cry, its generous abnegation... You said sorry to the woman, paid and went out of the bar. You didn't notice at all that someone was watching you, that my heart was so near yours..._

Patty was absorbed in her thoughts and didn't realise Albert was watching her curiously. Suddenly she felt his eyes staring at hers and turned her head towards the papers that filled the near table, trying to hide her embarrassment. She noticed there was a map of Belgian Congo opened out and a route outlined on it. Then she understood everything, she needed no explanation. _Albert is leaving..._

"Patty", she heard Annie's voice, "when are you going to come and have some tea? It's getting cold..."

The girl came over them, her head was a whirl of confusion. _You can't let them know you are upset, you fool_, she thought.

"... Now you are both here, I would like to ask you for a favour", Albert began to say as Patty was coming over, "I need your advice and your help."

He shut up for a moment while he thought about the best way to explain his concern. They observed him with expectancy.

"Next month is Candy's birthday. As you know, she will be twenty-one years-old and I want to organise a party for her. Some kind of coming-out to present her officially to Chicago society. I know this kind of celebration takes place when a woman is eighteen but it could not be celebrated at that time. Now I want to compensate Candy for that mistake. Will you help me to prepare the party?"

Patty and Annie looked at each other with complicity. They said nothing, but their excited and delighted look was enough answer for him.

"I will take care of the servants and decoration," Annie said.

"Don't worry about the money, Annie. Feel free to squander if necessary. I want a memorable party," Albert told her.

Annie laughed with joy thinking about organising an unforgettable party for her friend.

"Then I can help sending the invitation cards, the musicians and the gardens", Patty proposed.

Albert gave her a look full of fondness. Patty felt how her heart started to beat faster and faster, but she managed to avoid his noticing her embarrassment.

"Thank you, my ladies. I want it to be a surprise for her. I've even ordered a dress already. My tailor recommended me a dressmaker who has just arrived from New York, it seems her models are revolutionising Chicago's fashion."

Patty smiled with wonder.

"It is true, Albert. Mme. Bradley's sense of elegance is excellent. Thanks to her

models the 20's decade is going to be well remembered in Chicago for a long time."

Albert winked at her. "Of course. I said to Mme. Bradley that a couple of friends of mine would visit her study to choose their dresses for the occasion. It is my way to thank them both in advance."

None of them could hide their shouts of excitement.

"Thanks, Albert. But I don't know if I could ever wear one of those daring dresses of Mme. Bradley," Annie said.

He looked at her with unbelief.

"I am sure you will be charming with any of them, dear. Are you going to deny me the pleasure of watching you being the most fashionable girls of Chicago?"

Annie smiled with pleasure. "Of course, I won't."

Albert turned round to Patty.

"What about you, Patty? Would you let me thank you?"

She looked at him with all the innocence of her clear brown eyes.

"I can't imagine a better present from you, Albert. Thanks."

He smiled with satisfaction. He wished with all his heart that the three girls could have a wonderful time at the party.

"Do you think we can see Candy now, Albert?" Annie begged.

The man asked them to wait while he went upstairs to ask Hannah, who was the one in charge of the sick girl. He closed the door behind him and his footsteps were heard walking away the corridor. Annie lowered her voice to talk to her friend.

"It can be a perfect time to play Cupid, my dear Patty."

Patty shrugged her shoulders not understanding her friend's insinuations.

"Haven't you noticed that Albert is deeply in love with Candy? It would be a perfect time to make Candy realise his feelings towards her."

Patty felt her heart sinking.

"Of course, we will have to invite some young single men," Annie continued,

"otherwise nobody would believe it is a coming-out party, but we will have to bring also some of the best-eligible girls of Chicago. Candy might feel jealous if she realises how many admirers Albert has."

Patty nodded, her look lost in the pleats of her skirt.

"We have to manage that Candy and Albert get married, Patty. Those two fools

would never be happy with anyone else," Annie concluded.

Patty closed her hand strongly while she remembered something.

"Would we have to invite Terry and Susanna? I think they have just arrived from their trip throughout Europe. Besides, Terry is now the Duke of Grandchester, one of the few nobles that live in Chicago."

Annie bit her under lip. Her eyes showed indecision.

"I didn't think about that, Patty. What are we going to do? If Candy sees Terry again, all our hopes will vanish."

For a moment, silence invaded them. None knew which would be the best solution for everyone.

"We will have to ask Albert," Patty concluded, "He would know what to do".

Annie stared at her.

"I think making that type of decision would be harder for Albert than for anyone else. He will have to think of the reactions of four people: Candy, Terry, Susanna and himself. It will be difficult, very difficult, especially for him."

At that moment, the door of the study opened and their host reappeared.

"I believe, my ladies, that Candy is much more better now and is ravishing to see you."

They stood up and went out of the study quickly.

"Hannah will take you to her room. Try not to tire her a lot. She still has to rest".

Both girls said goodbye to Albert, who locked himself up in the study again.

_What are you going to do, Albert?_ Patty wondered as she watched the door being shut. _How will all this end up_?

NOTE OF THE AUTHOR:

I will like to thank Violante Martin Ruiz for her kindness, sense of humour, friendship and especially for her great effort at the time of translating this text from Spanish to English giving me time to concentrate deeply in other Candy Candy projects. Thanks a lot, Vio!

 2000 Rosa Carmona


	3. Tears from the Past

**CHAPTER 3: TEARS FROM**** THE PAST**

The Andrew's Mansion had woken up eventful. Servants came and went from one room to another polishing lamps, tiding up hangings, cleaning dust, waxing floors, making flower-centrepieces... Everyone breathed enthusiasm, even Mr. Madsen's face reflected a bit of excitement. It had been a long time since the last coming up celebrated at the Mansion, almost twenty-two years ago.

_At that time, Miss Pauna was the sensation of the season_, remembered the butler while organizing the cleaning of the dinner cutlery. Hannah and he were the only employees who still continued in the service. Although it was painful for both of them making all these preparations, as they recalled that dear gone girl, thinking about the happiness that a pair of lavender eyes would reflect help them to stand the pain.

Albert had decided to hire extra people to help organizing the party and attending the guests that night. More than fifty new servants were working inside the Mansion, while the gardens were being done by Mr. Morgan, the gardener, and a small army of assistants that cut the hedges and looked after the fountains. The peacocks, who had been there through generations, had sheltered in their cubicles. They wanted to avoid the agitation and excitement of all that strange people who had invaded their territory and the noise of the fireworks tests at the lake.

Hannah's voice, leading and determined, could be heard all over the house. Everybody seemed to be caught by her frenetic energy.

"Where can I put this, madam?", asked a young maid.

"I come from O'Donnaghue's Confectionery, where do I have to leave this order?"

"Who had to wax the dance-hall?"

Although everything seemed chaotic, there was in fact a pre-established order perfectly directed by the housekeeper, who was plethoric in such great activity.

"Place that in the kitchen. Take away those chairs and bring the champagne vessel down. You have to polish more that glass-set, Martha. You, Doris, tell Mr. Andrew that the tailor's order has just arrived", Hannah continued giving orders while her face was getting redder at a time. Only six hours lasted before the first guests arrived.

"I am sure everything will be great, Hannah. Don't worry so much", Annie was telling her. The girl had come to the Mansion that morning to help her supervising the preparations.

The old woman looked at her while an unhappy sigh let out from her lips.

"I am not worried about the house itself, Miss Annie", answered the woman. "The staff is very professional, as you can see. I am worried about Miss Candy. She went to work to the hospital this morning, and although she asked the afternoon off, I fear the worst. I hope she arrives on time! Mr. Albert didn't want to tell her that on this occasion he intended to celebrate something more than her birthday party. He wanted it to be a complete surprise for her. What if she doesn't arrive on time? What if she doesn't come at all?".

Annie tried to make her worries disappear.

"Nothing of that will happen, Hannah. She knows that all her friends will be here tonight. She won't turn us down".

_I hope so, anyway_, thought Annie. However, because she knew her friend so well, Annie could tell that Candy would dare throw them all in case there was an emergency. At that precise moment, she saw Albert coming down the stairs. He saw her immediately and came towards both women with a big smile in his lips.

"I am glad you came, Annie. Thanks for helping us. As you see, this place has become a madhouse this morning," he said to her as he offered his arm, "I do not know what would I do if Hannah were not here to take care of everything," he continued, winking at the old woman. "Excuse me, Hannah but I have to talk with this young lady for a minute."

She smiled briefly while she run towards the other side of the room where someone was asking for her help.

Meanwhile, Albert took Annie to the top floor of the house.

"Candy's dress has just arrived from Mme Bradley's study," he said, "I would feel better if you could give me your opinion about it. They took as reference the size I provided from looking at other of her dresses. Do you think I were too risky? What if it doesn't fit her?".

Annie gripped his arm and gave him a quiet look.

"Don't worry so much, Albert. You have an excellent taste to dress a woman. I am sure it will fit her perfect."

He took her to Candy's chamber. There, over the bed, she found the most beautiful dress she had ever seen. She couldn't avoid a shout of amazement.

"It's... it's wonderful, Albert."

Annie let her hand approach the soft mauve material. The diaphanous textile covered her fingers and slipped slowly till it covered again the bedspread. She took it again by the bodice and put it over her. She noticed it had no sleeves, that shoulders and arms would be exposed. It was tightly fitted to the body, with an exquisite style. The skirt, down to the ankle, was composed by various superposed materials of diaphanous silk in violet and turquoise, that matched also with a mauve shawl with golden glints of the finest texture. She tried to imagine Candy with it. Her plentiful and curled golden hair contrasting the light violet material; her pupils matching the green glints of silk; her pale and soft shoulders' smooth skin over the refined shawl. Her still and peaceful beauty shinning with its own light, as it should always have been.

The young lady felt a distressing prick as she remembered how she had cursed Candy's life when she had met her again while the latter worked at the Legan's, dressed like a humble stable boy and sleeping with the horses. She knew she could never forgive herself for those years of denial that had followed that meeting. Her stubbornness, not recognizing her orphaned nature nor her growing up at Pony's Home; her forgotten friendship with Candy –at that time, with no name, nor money- in order to be able to be accepted by the richest neighbour families, her envy when she knew Archie loved Candy…

She pressed the dress against her breast as she tried to stop her tears.

I tried to take your position when it was your sole right, Candy, as I got the Brightons to adopt me in your place. Although I feel very sorry for that now, I know I will never be able to repay the pain I made you suffer in the past. Life has already taken care of you giving you some compensation, but it is not enough. Not even the silent pain I continuously feel, knowing the special place you have in my husband's heart, can take away the sensation of guilt I suffer. I know I don't deserve Archie's love because of the meanness of my heart, but I try to mend my sin. I truly do. I am sure he will never requite my love as I wish, with the same intensity he felt towards you, but I try to love him with all my soul and carry alone this weight of sadness. I know that is my penance and that I deserve it, Candy..."

Annie moved away from Albert so he couldn't notice her confusion.

"I'm... convinced... that this is the perfect dress for Candy, Albert", she tried to say as she left the outfit over the bed, "it will enhance her beauty in every sense."

He smiled with satisfaction.

"Thanks, Annie... for everything you have done in our behalf. And, above all, for being one of Candy's best friends."

Annie put her face down, trying to avoid his noticing her insecurity and the intense sadness that his words had evoked. _I only have tried to be such a good friend for her as she is for me_, she thought while Albert was taking her back to the ground floor.

There, all the giddy preparations for that night continued.

(...)

The guests' voices could be heard over the tenuous waltz the orchestra had just started to play. Female joyful laughs, male awkward hoarseness, light taffetas, cigarette smoke... the mixture contributed to make a picture of cheerfulness and delight.

Just as Albert had thought, Annie and Patty's models had caused great sensation among the guests. Both dresses were a bit shorter than usual, and Patty had even taken her corset off. However, their glance hadn't lost any distinction, nor her modesty had been affected at all. Their garments presented material of brocade and velvet respectively: Annie's showed some trimmings of fox fur in the farthest end of her long sleeves cuffs; Patty's had a tight jacket that emphasized the girl's high swan neck. The elegance of their attires was obvious though it was miles away from Chicago's society's dictates in terms of fashion. Despite the new confections that had began to revolutionize French fashion at the beginning of 1919 and that had been imported to the USA by some well-known dressmakers, very few ladies of Chicago's high society had taken the initiative of changing their wardrobe following those new ideas.

Mrs. Mollie Barrington, an unavoidable reference in clothing matters to any young lady who was to be officially presented in society and also a basic pillar of the high bourgeoisie of the town, was angrily commenting Mr. Albert Andrew's rude attitude towards her, as he had forgotten to ask her opinion about his protégées' dress for that occasion.

"I think he has ordered the dress Ms Andrew will be wearing tonight to that cheeky dressmaker, Mme Bradley. It seems Megan Snoward saw him… Poor woman, she couldn't breathe normally till she told me. Do you know that dress exposes her shoulders and neck? I think it's indecent", she said in a low voice to widow Grey, a great observer of the conservatism and one of Mrs. Barrington's best friends. "Mrs. Cornwell and Miss O'Brien wear her dresses, too. What a nerve! Have you seen their dresses' shameless length? They just go down the calf! How do they dare show their ankles in public! And those transparent socks!".

"I think they are called stockings, Mollie," answered the widow as her face turned red. "I'm not going to lie to you. I bought a pair the other day, just to see them closer. Even though they are indecent, they have such a delicate and soft touch...".

Mollie opened her eyes wide, she couldn't believe her ears.

"You tried them on? You too, Virginia! I can't believe it! If they had already tempted you, what can we expect? Corruption will invade us. Chicago will become another Sodom and all of us will be burned up, punished by the Lord."

Widow Grey hid her ashamed face behind a fan, while her eyes implored her friend's pardon. _Oh, Mollie! What would happen if you knew I am wearing those pair of stockings just now! Will I be condemned to hell?_ Very nervous and contrite, she wandered her look around the dance-hall.

Not only Annie and Patty's models had been all the rage. There had been also excited and surprised shouts when some girls started to smoke cigarettes with holders, leaded by the overwhelming Jolie McPherson who, always looking forward to be a focused creator distress in every social meeting, had had his abundant hair cut to chin length, following the European fashion.

Jolie was the only child of an important banker from New York and had just moved to Chicago. She was immediately noticed by all Chicago's high society because of her peculiar fancies and considerable fortune. Soon enough, she became one of the most pursued heiress by all single men of every age. Beautiful, intelligent, generous. Her rebellious nature had been criticized hardly because she wasn't the type that followed established traditions, but her firm and independent character paid no attention to unwanted disapproval.

Mr. Madsen, at the main door, played the chamberlain and was introducing the guests as they arrived. Just next to him at the entrance-hall that had become an improvised assembly-hall, Albert played the host part greeting and thanking his guests for coming. He had chosen for the occasion a dark grey tail coat along with some matching trousers, and a white shirt with a neckband trimmed at the chest with a fine line of frill. His attire, as impeccable and elegant as usually, broke its seriousness thanks to an informal hair style, too long and almost white-blond, that he had tied back with a low tail following the eighteenth-century model. His thin figure looked comfortable and quiet while he stood up attending his guests. Nothing seemed to trouble him on the outside, but in his mind he was deeply troubled about Candy's delay. She should have arrived an hour ago and he had apologized to the guests pointing out that her delay was due to unavoidable personal circumstances.

From the other end of the room, Hannah looked after all the details, resolving every last minute little problem. In spite of all, she couldn't hide her distress due to Candy's absence and her eyes looked inquisitive to Albert, who returned quieting looks to her from time to time.

Patty, who had been punctual driving her Ford, was chatting with Maxi Rippendale, a pedant to whom she had been introduced that evening, when she felt Annie's interrogative look on her. Just too quick, she excused herself to the man, happy to get rid of him, as she walked towards her friend.

"I have been looking for you for a while, Annie. Where have you been? How come Candy has not arrived yet?", she smiled as she whispered so the rest of the guests couldn't notice her worry.

Annie took her hand and brought her to a lonely row of balconies that surrounded the dance-hall.

"We have to pick her up, Patty," suggested Annie, "you have got a car and it won't take you long to arrive to the hospital. You have to bring her here somehow. Albert can't continue excusing her delay."

Patty nodded, then a movement in the garden called her attention. An unmistakable figure was running towards the service door.

"We don't need to worry. She's just arrived."

Annie sighed as she leant on the balcony. Then she felt a hand touching her shoulder.

"Darling, what's the matter? You have come running towards here as if the devil were chasing you. What bothers you?". She recognized her husband's nice tenor-like voice.

"Don't worry, Archie. All has already been solved. Patty and I were wondering where could Candy be but we have just seen her running through the service door towards her room."

Archie looked at her with tenderness while he held her by the shoulders. _She's a charming wife_, he thought, _who could have guessed that I would end up being happy with this marriage!_

"Then, my foolish girl, now that you're not worried anymore, may I ask you for this dance? You're overwhelming tonight and I know every men in the hall envy me for monopolizing you," he said as a new waltz started to be played. She nodded as she excused herself to Patty.

Knowing she was alone, Patty spent her time watching the guests. As it had been planned, there had come the cream of Chicago's youth with some representatives of some of the best well-known families of the city, plus Andrew's family and friends. With Albert's consent and knowing Candy would prefer it so, they had avoided inviting the Legans and Aunt Elroy, who had all moved to Boston.

The girl yawned weakly as she moved to one of the service tables to ask for a cocktail. Spying the surroundings with the corner of an eye, she observed that Rippendale was walking towards her, and she tried to escape. She was lucky when she found opened a small door at the entresol from where she could see the entrance-hall perfectly. Patty gave herself a moment of complete solitude and silence before coming down again. She couldn't help smiling as she saw Rippendale looking for her everywhere without success. Then her eyes moved to Albert, who, at that very moment, was getting ready to receive another guest.

"Mr. and Mrs. Terrence Grandchester," anounced Mr. Madsen in a pompous way, as half of the hall turned round in a sign of recognition to the new comers.

_Albert_, Patty almost shouted as she kept back a cry, shutting her mouth with her hands. Her curiosity had made her coming closer to the flight of steps of the banister which headed to the ground-floor. Fighting to listen to the conversation that both men were having, she lost sense of reality. At that precise moment some steps took her away from her thoughts. Promptly, she hid herself behind some near curtains. In spite of her fast breath and her scamped heart-beats, she was static enough to remain soundless. Feeling secure, it didn't take long for her recognizing Candy's dumbfounded figure at the stairs. Her exceptional watching place allowed her to see how Candy's face muscles had been engraved. She appeared shocked, like her body, victim of a sudden numbness.

_It is him. Why is he here? Why has Albert invited him? I don't want to see him. I can't let his memory come back to me as vivid as before or I'll go mad_.

Candy couldn't stop watching both men. From her eyes run silent tears that she hadn't noticed at all. She just felt some icy cold that invaded all her body as her eyes couldn't stop looking at the scene that was taking place at the ground-floor.

Albert's figure had lost all his dearness next to Terry's, whose face burnt Candy's pupils as if it was pure fire. Nothing looked real for her, except him. She observed him with eagerness, thirsty of him, trying to record in her mind all the details that her eyes were able to capture from the distance.

_He's as thin as before. More athletic than last time I saw him at that crummy theatre, perhaps. His look is still, almost proud, it doesn't drag along its past torture, nor does it seem muffled by alcohol. His lips have lost that sour grin that dominated his face, and his smile reminds me of those ones he used to lavish so rarely in the past. He has matured, he's now a man instead of an impetuous boy. I think he has never been more attractive..._

Albert took Susanna's hand to his lips, without even fondling it, dedicating her a smart compliment about her beauty. Then, he received Terry's greeting with the hug that he only deserved to his best friends. Both men had a similar disposition: Terry slightly thinner and with a paler skin.

"It's a pleasure that you both could come. Terry, Susanna, you should exhibit yourselves a bit more in Chicago. You know there are lots of people that adore you."

Terry leant his head forward, resting his hand on his host's arm.

"Thanks for inviting us. We were looking forward to see you again."

Susanna, standing next to her husband, led her body lean against his. Albert, worried, offered to look for a seat for her at once so she could take some rest. Susanna stopped him, fighting against the uncomfortable feeling that invaded her when she noticed she was considered as a handicapped.

"I have begun to walk recently, Mr. Andrew. That's why I get tired so soon, but I am making some progress, isn't it so, Terry?"

"Yes, darling, if there's someone that can achieve it, that's you," answered him with tenderness in his voice.

Albert felt uncomfortable, witnessing this involuntary token of tenderness between them, and said:

"Please, Susanna, may I call you by your name? Call me Albert. I have always been a great fan of yours. I am dying to see you playing again. All your fans will be very happy of your recovery."

Susanna couldn't avoid blushing at his compliment. A lot of people had forgotten she had been an actress a lustre ago and she still missed those past usual comments on her performances.

"Thanks, Albert. My husband is helping me a lot. My greatest dream would be to go back to stage, performing his counterpart with a female main character. Doctors have promised me that, if I continue my treatment and persevere as I have been doing up to now, I will be able to go back to work next year."

Albert displayed a sincere smile and leaded the couple to a group of guests who welcomed them with a remarkable token of joy.

Patty was still hiding behind the curtains when she noticed that Albert had seen Candy's visibly inanimate figure at the top of the steps. Silent and agile as a feline, it didn't took him long to be by her side. Nevertheless, she didn't noticed him as her attention was still captive on a certain figure at the ground-floor hall.

Patty didn't miss a detail of how Candy's figure affected Albert, irresistibly beautiful with the dress he had given her. The model was perfectly tight to her body, shaping it with undeniable attractiveness. She had had her hair put up in a Venice style bun that led some of her rebel curls out. Her cheeks were blushed and her lips half-opened, her breath escaping restlessly.

Albert had never seen Candy so beautiful. His eyes were enchanted by the vision of her warm beauty. His only wish at that moment was to hold her and fill her trembling lips with his kisses. He came closer to her in silence, afraid to break the enchantment, and only his common sense made him give up his wish. Candy didn't see him. Her eyes were full with tears. He knew she had been a witness of Terry's arrival, he knew she was unable to take away her eyes from him, so he obliged himself to walk away some distance to avoid her noticing his intimate agony.

From her hiding place, Patty could see how Albert's face was contracted in a grimace of pain and, how just thanks to a great gesture of his will, he took control again over his reactions and hid his feelings behind a mask of impassivity. It was after this when he allowed himself to come closer to Candy again.

"What are you doing up here on your own?" he whispered, trying not to scare her.

She looked away for an instant. She still couldn't see anything besides her own anguish, but was attracted by the familiar sound of his voice.

"I...," she managed to say.

Albert came closer very slowly, calming her with words. He took her by her shoulders and placed her away from the stairs, afraid that she could lose her balance due to the shock she had just suffered. She leant on his shoulder while he took her to the smoking-room and made her sit on a sofa. There, he sat in front of her, took her hands, and started to rub them between his to warm them.

"Why have you invited him to come, Albert?" she asked, with her look lost in the fire embers of the chimney.

"I had to, Candy. After all, he's the Duke of Grandchester. It could have been an enormous lack of ceremony not doing so."

She looked straight to him, her eyes flashing with anger.

"Since when do you mind about ceremony, Albert?"

He raised his head to observe her and there was steeliness in her eyes when he talked to her again.

"You are right. It's been a stupid excuse."

Candy stood up, deeply angry.

"Then, why?"

The man sat back in the sofa and lighted a cigarette without missing any detail of her movements.

"It was necessary for you to see him again. You can't stay hiding in your shell forever. You have to face your memories and assume reality. That's the only way if you want to be able to be happy again."

She gave him an ironic glance.

"Why haven't you asked me my opinion? Do you think you know better what is the best for me?"

Albert nodded while he observed her straight.

"Unfortunately, I do. And that's why, right now, you are going to dry your tears. You will come down with me to the ballroom. Everybody has already been waiting for you for an hour."

The girl turned confused against him.

"You won't oblige me to come down!"

His look just reflected determination. She looked at him furious. Candy's thoughts were dominated by an overwhelming feeling of agony and anger. Far away in her mind, there were now the thankful words she thought to dedicate him for the wonderful dress he had given her as a present. _Oh, Albert, I didn't expect this from you! How is it possible? You who have always been my comfort, my relief, my refuge._

Albert tried to held his feelings back as he stood up from his chair and shaked off some rest of creases from trousers.

"You've got your eyes wet. Please, dry them before we go down."

Candy wiped her tears away and tried to dress up her ruined make-up while she contemplated herself on a mirror. Albert turned his back to her. Leaning against the large window of the room, he admired the light sets that had been placed in the fountains of the garden. He felt an absolute sadness that overcame his heart, but walled his feelings. _I can't let her see me like this. Just tonight. Till then, I will resist anything necessary. I knew it would be like this from the very beginning..._ His voice was still when he spoke again.

"Although I didn't tell you before. This is not only your birthday party. It is also your coming out, an occasion to give you the opportunity to be presented to Chicago society as an official member of the Andrew family. Tomorrow I will no longer be your tutor, as you have reached full legal age."

Candy was not listening. When she turned to look at him, he had already opened the door of the room and was waiting for her. Albert watched her for a moment before starting to come down. He smiled as a sign of approval and offered her his arm. She took it and let him guide her to the hall, where everybody was impatiently waiting for them.

**Note of the author**:

Thanks again Vio (), for your wonderful translation of chapter 3. Hope I could pay my debt some day.

Ó 2000 Rosa Carmona


	4. Encounters

**CHAPTER FOUR: ENCOUNTERS**

Patty had been concealed behind the curtains while Albert showed Candy the way to the smoking-hall. At the entresol, some minutes of complete quietness passed before she decided to come out of her hiding place. She tried to dress herself up as she went down the stairs before joining the rest of the guests. It had not been long when a pair of curious eyes found her.

"Darling, it has been quite a long time, where have you been?".

The girl turned to the voice. _Maxi Rippendale! Again!_ She tried to smile openly so he didn't notice her deep nuisance.

"Maxi!"

He took her arm and led her to the terrace. Everything had happened so quickly that she didn't have a chance to raise any objection. The girl's mind could only look forward to finding any excuse to liberate herself from his unwanted presence while, in silence, she kept staring at the gardens. With terror she saw how Maxi was getting closer to her, his face a few inches from hers. Just as their lips were going to meet, she managed to move away from him, frustrating his intentions.

"Have you seen who's just arrived?", he asked her trying to disguise the fluster caused by his failure.

She took the opportunity to go away from him with the pretext of needing a cup of punch from the near table.

"I have no idea, Maxi".

The youngster tried to come closer to her again. His dark eyes, usually languid, were emotionally stricken in a weird way.

"Terrence Grandchester and his wife", he replied with a perverse smile.

Patty took the cup to her lips pretending indifference. Maxi's face had turned into a sardonic mask and his proximity was making her more and more uncomfortable.

"I don't know what that English is doing here. How has he been able to get an invitation?"

Patty couldn't avoid observing the snub meant by his words.

"I don't know what you mean, Maxi", she answered in a cold mood he didn't even notice.

"That third-rate actor", he explained, "is the natural child of the Duke of Grandchester and his former lover, actress Eleanor Baker. His father recognized him in spite of his wife's protests. The Duchess had given herself birth to four legitimate children, but Terrence was the oldest of all his descendents. So that, when the Duke died last year, in spite of his being a bastard, he inherited the title and all the privileges subordinated. Where are we all going to end up when not even the British care to preserve their dignity? Tell me, Patty. Don't you think that man is disgracing your country, showing himself off as if he were a respectable man when he's just an undesirable bastard?".

His prepotent attitude, the slight and disrespectfulness of his gestures, his intolerable self-satisfaction was enough for Patty's patience, who turned to him unable to hide her aversion.

"You know what, Maxi?"

The girl's face was reddening and her eyes were full with fury. With a very quick movement, she raised her hand and slapped him soundly.

"You are an idiot!"

She gave him no time to reply, turned around and walked away, leaving him alone in the terrace. He followed her with his eyes. In spite of the shame he felt, and the blush of his slapped face, an ironic expression appeared in his lips.

_Whore_, he thought, _I swear that you will pay for this. If you think you have cooled down my interest for you, you're very wrong. You humiliated my friend Beauchamp, and I won't let you do the same to me. I swear I will see you on your knees, begging me sorry for the pain you've caused_.

Rippendale rubbed his cheek, and came in the dancehall again. Everybody was congregating around Albert Andrew and his pupil Candice. Still embarrassed, he didn't feel like meeting anybody and retired with discretion to a corner, far away from the crush. Lost in his thoughts, he served himself a whisky, determined to get drunk.

Meanwhile, Albert had asked for the attention of everyone. Murmurs and conversations muted, the orchestra stopped playing and all eyes looked at the couple, waiting at the center of the hall.

"...We're here tonight", said their host, "to celebrate the twenty-first birthday of my pupil, Candice White Andrew".

He stopped his speech for an instant, waiting for a reaction from his guests that didn't take long to occur. The audience answered with a great applause that Albert, accomplished speaker, stopped with a sign.

"...We both want to thank you all for coming tonight to share with us this special occasion. We are very happy to know we have you as trusted friends".

Because of the praise, one and all burst out into ovations and there were even some voices who started to ask for a toast to Candy. Albert raised his glass and dozens of hands imitated his gesture.

"To Candy!", shouted all of them.

"As you know", he continued when everyone calmed down, "Candy has been my goddaughter for seven years and today, when she reaches her legal adult age, I wish to give her a very special present".

He made a pause and all the people in the hall waited expectantly for him to continue. Candy, who had been mentally absent, buried in her thoughts, turned her attention to him, suddenly very tense. Her nerves on the verge of exploding. Conscious as he was of that, he took her hand to quiet her.

" My dear Candy", he said looking straight at the girl, "on the occasion of your twenty-first birthday, I have decided to give you all my properties in Lakewood…".

He paused for a moment. Silence was absolute in the chamber.

"…This means you will be the one and only proprietor of the incomes from the land-and-cattle farms there located, which recently have been increased thanks to the acquisition of the Cartright state, in which Pony's Home is placed".

As his voice died, whispers of surprise and overflowing exclamations filled up the room. Candy stayed still next to Albert, unable to deduce the real significance of his words. She looked at his eyes, sensing almost physically the emotion hidden under his words. The youngster's eyes reflected a deep tenderness mixed with another feeling that she couldn't define.

The first chords of a waltz started to fill the air.

_You give me Lakewood and the opportunity of protecting Pony's Home welfare forever..._

"And now", he continued unaware of her thoughts, "will you dance this piece with me, my lady?"

Candy couldn't react, speechless. She was too flustered. Too many questions and different feelings excited her mind. Following his own impulse, he took her softly by her waist and they started to dance to the sound of a Strauss composition, while the rest of the guests waited for the established time by protocol to join them.

"Albert", she mumbled, trying to regain composure, "I don't know what to say. Thanks seems too empty a word to return your generosity".

"Shhh! Don't say a word!", he interrupted her. "Do not think about anything tonight. Just enjoy yourself!". Then he approached his face to kiss her on her forehead and felt how she relaxed on his arms.

She was feeling so exhausted and overwhelmed by events that closed her eyes, trying to get away from reality. She sensed how the melody drove her to her past. She had danced that same tune with Anthony, the sweet love of her youth. She remembered his shyness when he had taken her hand, her nervousness when she felt so close to him, their clumsiness while they synchronized their steps on the dancehall. Anthony's memory filled her heart with nostalgia.

The hands that were presently holding her were resolute and secure; her partner's steps adjusted to hers with amazing ease; the body that kept close to hers emitted a warmness that beset her for an instant. She opened her eyes and looked at Albert, whose deep blue eyes were staring at her with special intensity. His hypnotic firmness provoked on the girl a strange pins-and-needles that run all over her body.

_What's going on? I'm blushing like a little girl. Don't be silly, Candy! It's only Albert!_

Albert felt how the girl's mind and body were subtly moving away from him. Just for an instant he had perceived how their hearts were beating as one, witnesses of some feelings that he himself would have never dared to confess.

_I must have been wrong_, he told himself as they kept on dancing. He took his glance away from his partner, scared of betraying his feelings. He wanted to preserve in his mind everyone of her features, conscious that they would separate soon for a long time.

_My dear Candy!_ _I know that your mind and heart are far away from me... Maybe that's why I want you even more... Loving you has made me happier than ever in my life. Living with you, sharing so many little ordinary things... I've come a point where my feelings have started to drown me. Being so closed to you, and yet so far, has become unbearable. I need to forget these emotions if I don't want to become mad, and I know that only distance can make it possible. Just distance and time..._

Candy felt then Albert's hand holding her with greater firmness. She looked at him, but his face was impenetrable, his look lost away. For a moment, a deep feeling of loss overcame her, and she remembered vaguely a dream. She was just about to share her worries when her eyes bumped into a near couple. Terry was so close to them that she almost could have touched him. Wide awake of the abyss that separated them and of the strength of her love towards him, she shut her feelings to the outside and immersed herself on her memories.

She felt transported to St. Paul College, when she had been disguised as Juliet and had danced the same waltz with Terry... He had kissed her then! She still remembered his taste, fresh and soft. The sweetness of that moment came back to her heart as vividly as if time had stopped on that instant forever.

Thinking of his imminent departure, filled Albert's heart with pain and sorrow. _I will leave her without having told her not even once that I love her. But, what does it matter?_

He looked down to her. She was abstracted in some kind of trance. Her bright eyes looking intently at an invisible image, her heart throbbing at a fast pace, her lips sensually parted. Her personal charm enraptured him. Love and desire invaded his soul and he lost control of the situation. Albert felt almost as if he was a mere spectator when he saw his body coming closer towards hers. _I love you, Candy_, he heard himself whisper.

Lost on her dream, the girl accepted naturally the fact that some lips rested on hers, gentle and demanding at the same time. She surrendered to that touch while her body awoke to a passion that she thought dead for a long time. She felt a wave of desire wrapping her and the violence of her reactions made her mindful of reality.

_It's Albert! Albert!_

She moved away from him brusquely. Her cheeks red. Confusion prevented her from facing him, her heart full of distress and fear.

_Why Albert? Why?_

Candy looked around. She needed to leave him immediately in order to forget what had happened. Her mind yet denied it. All her world had been shattered in a couple of minutes. Although nobody had noticed what happened, she felt as if she was the center of everybody's attention.

_You are an idiot_, Albert told himself while he moved away from the girl, aware of the mistake he had just made and the need of solitude she silently begged him for. Her look was a mixture of fear, desire and sadness. He went out to the terrace to calm down his excited feelings.

_What were you thinking about? You know she just sees you like an older brother. How did you dare to confuse her even more?... But I love her_, said the other half of himself. _She's so beautiful tonight. Her lips sighed for a kiss... Yes, but not for yours. What do you need to understand that_?

Albert buried his face in his hands while he tried to held back his tears. _I can delay no more my departure, especially after what has happened tonight. I have speeded up the events myself. I have no excuse for my behavior. Even if she forgives me, how could I forgive myself? She is no longer my protégée, and I have taken advantage of her confidence, and what's more, of her weakness_.

His expression turned more serious as he watched the great moon that embellished the sky. He had been so self concentrated that he hadn't noticed that his entrance had interrupted the thoughts of another figure, who had also found her solace in the terrace's quietness. The soft touch of some material awoke him off his thoughts. He turned around trying to identify something in the shadows. The trembling reflections that the moon took out from the brocade revealed him a female's presence.

"I'm sorry to disturb your solitude, Miss. Excuse me", he said getting ready to leave.

"Please don't go, Mr. Andrew", she interrupted him as she got closer. "You don't have to be sorry. I should have made myself noticed when I saw you coming. I think I also owe you an apology for surprising you in such an innermost moment".

The voice was deep and seemed full of whispering nuance. As she was approaching him, her figure got more familiar. However, when the moonlight exposed her features, he discovered surprised that, although he had welcomed her at the entrance, he didn't know her identity.

"Don't pretend you know me, Mr. Andrew. I know for sure you don't", she surprised him when her silvery laughter filled the silence.

He couldn't avoid imitating her.

" I'm afraid you got me there, Miss".

The girl leant on the balustrade next to him, while her fingers played with the feathers of her dress.

"Jolie McPherson", she answered. "I'm glad coincidence has made it possible to talk to you in private. Since I came back from Europe, five months ago, I haven't enjoyed so much a party. I wanted to thank you for your kind invitation".

Albert shut up for a moment. Although good manners forced him not to ignore his guests, his heart longed to be alone with his own thoughts.

"I'm glad you have had a good time among us, Miss McPherson", he obliged himself to say, assuming the perfect host part.

Her deep jet-black eyes looked at him with curiosity as she broke in loud laughs.

"Excuse my behavior, Mr. Andrew", she said when she finally controlled her unrestrained giggling. "You seem so unbearably correct... I know you don't feel like talking to me and that you'd rather be on your own. However, I was dying to talk to you. I must confess I have read all the articles you have published in _Unknown Species Review_. I wanted to congratulate you for your great job".

He turned his face to her, surprised. He had been collaborating a few times with that magazine, sending short essays about Zoology. Nothing really serious, but that obliged him to be updated and continue with his researches. It was unbelievable for him that she knew about his writings as USR was a publication with a limited print-run addressed only to specialists.

" I'm shocked, Miss McPherson. How did you get those articles?".

She leant her face on her right hand while taking away a rebel dark lock from her forehead.

" Oh! Sorry! I should have told you before… Silly girl I am some times! I have a degree in Zoology. I studied at New York University. Of course it was thanks to my father's influence that I entered the Faculty. All men detest intelligent women and Professors aren't an exception".

Jolie silently questioned Albert before she decided to continue.

"… I really hope this isn't your case because I have come to make you a proposal. And I confide you won't disappoint me, refusing it".

Albert frowned unable to guess her real intentions. Everything in her perplexed him: her short hair, so up to date, to her academic curriculum, so infrequent in a woman.

"Well, Miss McPherson. I doubt that, in any case, my humble person could fulfill any of your expectations. I guess you are a very exigent person and I am, myself, a terribly occupied business man".

Instead of answering him she enfolded herself with her arms and started to follow rhythmically some kind of silent music played in her mind. In front of his astonished look, she stopped and abruptly placed her hands over his chest. This time her face showed more determination.

"I am resolute, Mr. Andrew. I'll do whatever it takes to obtain what I want. I have worked very hard and I won't give up so easily".

Albert tried to hide a groan of frustration. Truth was that, in spite of the girl's shamelessness, she amused him. He didn't have a clue about what she desired but she seemed ready to do almost anything to get it.

"Ok, Miss McPherson. You have convinced me. Tell me how I can help you and if there is anything in my power, be sure you can count on me".

Some fox-trot chords came from the dancehall at that moment. Albert didn't notice the music, being totally absorbed by the conversation. On the contrary, Jolie let herself go through the rhythmic sound and, following one her usual fits of audacity, took his arm and almost pushed him to enter the chamber.

"I'll tell you after we've danced this foxie", she told him. "Now cheer up and show everybody that you are as fashionable as your party".

At the girl's intrepidity, Albert didn't know whether to get angry or to laugh. He finally decided for the latter. They started to dance but he could hardly play a decent partner as he had never danced a fox-trot before. Nevertheless, she didn't seem to notice. She was at ease on the dance-floor. Sure that his partner wouldn't become aware, he averted his eyes for a moment looking for Candy and it didn't take him long to find her chatting with a young man. She seemed to be having fun. He was so glad to find out, that the burden that weighed his soul seemed to ease.

Although he tried, he couldn't escape the Charleston that was played afterwards. The way Jolie monopolized him made Albert uncomfortable, but at the same time prevented him from thinking about more serious matters. He observed that the girl's conversation was interesting and pleasant all the time, and what was more important, she had managed to make him smile more than once.

"I can't dance anymore, Miss McPherson", he managed to say after the forth waltz. "Please, tell me what you want from me".

She finally accepted to release his dancing partner and drove him to a corner. She breathed deeply, as if she was trying to regain all her confidence, and started to talk again.

"Ok, I'll tell you… I want to go with you to Belgian Congo".

He opened his lips to say something, but words simply didn't come out from his throat. _I must be dreaming. How come this girl knows something I have only told Monty?_

"I don't know how you have heard about this, and I simply don't care. But the truth is that I can't take you with me", he managed to say, his expression suddenly serious.

The girl's face didn't show any sign of annoyance, as if she had expected that contingency.

"If you're worried about it, I will tell you that I was informed by Prof. Horacio Webster. As far as I can remember, he gave me some details of your trip on a letter he sent to me about two months ago. He was my mentor during my University years and he thought I could learn a lot working for you... Although now I can confirm you are as male chauvinist as all intellectuals and don't want to collaborate with a woman. Anyway, I made you waste your precious time. I'm sorry.

She was going to leave when he took her arm to stop her.

"Miss McPherson", he said contrite. "You haven't understood me at all. This has nothing to do with your being a woman. I admire your courage and I am sure you would be an excellent assistant. The problem is that I want to do this trip on my own... due to personal reasons. I'm sorry".

The girl's face relaxed as he held her hand firmly.

"It has been a pleasure anyway, Mr. Andrew".

Albert was admired it had been so easy to convince her. She didn't seem to be a woman that could accept a no for an answer.

"For me too, Miss McPherson. I'm really sorry".

Jolie shrugged her shoulders as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheeks. Before Albert could say a word, she had already run to the entrance hall, had taken her shawl with her and was gone from the Mansion.

_What a strange woman! Although she has guts!_ Albert was thinking as he joined the rest of the guests. Luckily, nobody had noticed his absence. Decided to play his perfect role as a host he entered various conversations and danced with some girls he knew. However, and though he didn't want to control Candy's life, he couldn't avoid searching again for her with a glance, unsuccessful. Just as he was going to the terrace to try on the gardens, Patty's voice stopped him.

"Albert, before leaving I wanted to thank you for this wonderful party. I have had a great time. Please, say goodbye to Candy when she's back".

"Candy? Do you know where she is, Patty?".

" I...", she kept silent, vacillating, doubting to tell him what she knew.

At that moment, some movement in the gardens captured his attention. In spite of the darkness, he could see an unmistakable feminine silhouette next to an attractive masculine figure. Although his first reaction was of uncontrollable jealousy, he managed to hide his shock.

"Don't worry about her. I'm convinced she knows what she is doing", he told her as he took her hand and gave her a kiss on her cheek, "I'll say goodbye to her for you, I promise".

The girl nodded. She knew he needed words of consolation, but she was unable to pronounce them. Her heart was hurt as well. Although Annie and she had been the ones who had planned to invite the most beautiful girls of Chicago to the party, being a witness of how Albert had been dancing with all of them had been a hard proof for her heart. Candy was her friend, she could drop Albert for her sake, but Jolie McPherson! She had noticed all the admiring expressions the Newyorker had been dedicating to him during the ball and her way of monopolizing him the whole night. She doubted Candy had noticed anything, as it was expected from the original plan.

Crestfallen, she left the Mansion without noticing that a pair of dark eyes had followed her as her figure disappeared on the distance.

**Note of the author**:

Thanks so much Vio for your wonderful translation of chapter 4.

 2000 Rosa Carmona


	5. Thoughts in the Early Morning

**CHAPTER 5: THOUGHTS IN THE EARLY MORNING**

The vehicle started driving away from the Andrews' Mansion. It was past five o'clock in the morning and the streets were silent and somber. Susanna feigned a yawn in an attempt to hide from her husband the suffering caused by the jolts of pain running up the stump of what once had been her left leg. In some occasions, she still felt like her leg was there, as though they had never amputated it. Sometimes she could even feel the movement of the toes that no longer existed, the slight tickling on the sole of her foot, the muscular tension in her ankle... Her recent usage of a prosthetic leg was causing her to develop ulcerations on her surgical wound; her tender skin hadn't yet become accustomed to the hardness of her new artificial limb. In order to avoid the pain to grow more intense, and that subsequent grimaces could alert Terry of her discomfort, she quietly moved her prosthetic limb to a position where the pain reached a bearable level.

She gazed at the young man as he drove. His quick and effective reflexes never ceased to amaze her. She blushed as she thought about how many other pleasurable uses he gave to those hands. She felt quite content by his side. Thanks to his presence, she had been able to overcome the depression in which she had fallen after her tragic accident. She had even resigned herself to abandoning her acting career with joy. Never, in her entire life, had she been so happy. Although, in the beginning of their relationship, he had acted quite distant and evasive, now, she could almost feel confident that he had found a place for her in a small corner of his heart.

She had longed for her wedding night with such anticipation! But he had somehow managed to postpone that moment, using her weak health as an excuse. After a year of being married and living together, yet never having consummated their union, the young girl had finally resigned herself to her situation. She had made such great efforts to recover, to rehabilitate that piece of flesh that hung inertly from her body and that, before, had been a beautiful leg. She hated her stump, hated her ugliness, and hated having become handicapped. But, above all, she had hated her selfishness for not having relinquished Terry to the woman he really loved. That is why she had resigned herself to having him by her side merely as a companion, since it wouldn't have been fair to ask for anything more. She was well aware that he still was in love with Candy, and that, probably, he would love her forever.

Yet, in spite of it all, fate had been merciful on her. One day, she had noticed that the way in which her husband looked at her had changed. There was suddenly a subtle difference. He enjoyed keeping her company by candlelight, contemplating her in silence, lost in his own thoughts. Sometimes he even smiled at her. At those moments, she would have done anything to entertain him, longing to keep him with her forever. Shortly thereafter, he had begun to talk with her about himself, to confide in her his dreams and hopes. They had become friends. To her, it was like living a dream.

She remembered they had traveled to Boston so that he could rehearse for a religious play that was to take place during Easter. Knowing he was grateful for it, she had become used to helping him every night with the memorization of his lines. It was the perfect excuse to spend a few hours by his side.

Then, it came that night. She had felt quite tired, her eyelids kept closing despite all her efforts to resist her sleepiness. She had spent all day attempting to control her new wheelchair, as well as doing her routine exercises of rehabilitation in order to strengthen her flaccid muscles. Although she had been practicing for months, ever since Terry had started to show her some affection she had felt stronger than ever. She had even been able to reduce her dependence on Esther, her private nurse, and had asked Doreen, the stewardess of the estate, to give her cooking lessons.

Her present disability had made her realize she had been living inside a bubble, sheltered and spoiled throughout her entire childhood and adolescence: for that reason, she had started to make a strong effort to become independent. It had been quite painful to make the decision to ask her mother to live on her own, rather than in Terry's estate with her. Yet, her mother had ended up accepting it, knowing it would be the only way to guarantee her daughter's marital and psychological well being.

That night, in Boston . . . Her body had felt as though pinned by thousands of needles due to the physical effort she had had to make, even blisters had appeared in the palms of her hands from her attempts to control her wheelchair. Although she had tried, she couldn't hide her pain from Terry's eyes as she helped him with his rehearsal. But he had surprised her in a most pleasant way when, taking her face into his hands and looking into her disbelieving eyes, he had started to kiss her.

Later that night, she had felt like she was dreaming when, at last, he made her his wife in every sense of the word. Not even the grandest ovation she had received during her successful acting career had prepared her for the multitude of sensations that overtook her when he made her his. Nothing had ever satisfied her so plentifully. He had gazed at her naked body, his eyes had rested on her deformity and hadn't felt repugnance. On the contrary, he had worshiped and kissed her with a tenderness she never thought he could possess. He had made her feel pretty again. Since then, she had begun to feel desired, young, and a glimmer of joy had inundated her eyes.

"How have you been feeling tonight, dear?" Terry's voice broke the silence that reigned between them, driving Susanna out of her thoughts.

"Very well. It was a lovely party. And Candy looked stunning. I would have liked to greet her personally, but there were so many guests, and she was so busy attending them. Were you able to speak to her at least?".

Susanna felt surprised when she realized she no longer felt jealous of the one who had once been her rival. She had agreed to attend the party with Terry, willing to accept the fact that, when seeing his true love again, Terry might decide to abandon her. She sincerely esteemed Candy, and, were this to occur, she wouldn't have been able to reproach either of them. But for some strange, fateful miracle, he had chosen her.

He nodded as she let out a sigh of relief, enjoying his presence as if it was the very first time she was with him.

"I'm glad to hear that, Terry. I was worried, thinking we might have made a bad impression on her. I left her present in one of the bedrooms as one of the maids indicated. Do you think she will like it?"

He smiled without taking his eyes off the road, as he placed his right hand on the young woman's crippled knee. "Don't worry, darling. Candy is a simple girl, and you have great taste."

She slightly knitted her brow. "Oh, Terry! I'll never be able to pay her back for saving my life. I shall always be indebted to her. I owe her everything I have, especially you."

Terry continued to caress her wound softly. He felt how her muscles relaxed at the touch of his fingers. "How have you managed with your prosthetic leg tonight, Suss?"

Susanna gasped before answering. "Very well. Don't worry."

He couldn't help but noticing the gesture of fatigue that appeared in her face despite her great effort to hide it. "When we get home, I'll give you a massage with the special oils the doctor recommended, anyhow. You know you must be very careful with the ulcerations now that you're using this leg."

She shook her head. "But Terry, it's far too late. You must be exhausted after having gone to the party. I will ask Esther to help me tomorrow."

He didn't respond immediately, but, judging from the look on his face, Susanna could see he was determined. She shrugged as she anticipated with great excitement the pleasure that his eyes seemed to be promising her. Terry's massages were fascinating and were always accompanied by tips that always delighted her.

"Did you know I promised Mother that tomorrow we'd go visit her?" she remembered suddenly. "I know you two don't get along too well, but we have been away for so long that at least I should go visit her."

Terry didn't make any comments, he simply continued driving as his wife came closer and kissed him on the neck.

"Susanna, I'm driving" he told her, trying to feign seriousness.

"I know," she replied without moving away from him.

The young man's lips curved into a smile. "Alright, I will go with you. Now, be a good girl."

Instead of retreating, she threw her arms around his neck and continued to kiss him even more intensely than before.

"Susanna . . . I said I would go with you."

She stopped for a moment. "Very well, you will come with me. Thank you, my love," she said and kissed him again.

Terry sighed loudly. Sometimes her behavior was the same as that of the capricious teenager she had been in the past. After all, it's understandable. She's only twenty years old, he thought for a moment.

She became aware of his seriousness and felt frightened. "Are you angry with me, love?" she asked regretfully, stopping herself.

He shook his head.

"You think I'm still a spoiled and impossible girl, don't you? I don't want you to think that of me. I really am trying to change. Do you believe me?"

The young man assented as she sat back reverently in her seat. Seeing her so contrite, however, awakened in him an uncomfortable sensation of repentance. "Come here, you silly dear," he said as he gave her a fiery kiss on the lips. "Don't be sad. You know you can play with me all you want."

The young woman's eyes recovered their glow when hearing him, and her face was once again filled with happiness and life.

"Oh, sweetheart . . . you're absolutely right. I can wait until we get home." He placed his hand close to hers and caressed them softly. "You can rest your head on my shoulder and close your eyes if you like. Relax a little. You'll see we'll be home soon," he offered without looking at her, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

The young woman followed his advice. She rested her head on his wide and comfortable shoulder, closing her eyes. Just a few minutes later, Terry could hear her regular breathing and realized she had fallen asleep. The vehicle soon left the city behind, and then it deviated onto an inner road leading to the Forrester Estate, which was situated about thirty miles from Chicago. Terry had decided to rent a mansion in the country for the sake of his wife's health. Even though Susanna would have never asked him for it, he knew the rural tranquility would contribute to alleviate the nervous tension that the rehab exercises and the process of getting used to the prosthetic leg caused in her. He couldn't deny her recovery had been prodigious. She had put forth her best efforts in the past year, and her spirit of perseverance had captured his heart.

His career had required him to travel excessively within the past few months, always from here to there, having to endure exhausting rehearsals and constantly changing schedules and locations. Susanna had tolerated it all with stoicism, without one word of reproach, but he knew that kind of a lifestyle was not the most indicated to aid in her recovery. He had then decided to take a sabbatical year to devote himself completely to help nurse her back to health. Moreover, he was seriously considering the possibility of writing a play based on a story that had been in his mind for several months.

He suddenly noticed the young woman was shivering from the cold as she slept, so he sped up while managing to cover her up with her shawl. Unconsciously, she held his arm closely, pulling it toward her chest. This gesture evoked in Terry the contact of another woman whose scent still remained, impregnating all his memories, enveloping him with the same magic of the past.

Having reencountered her that night had brought about a catharsis of some sort in both of them. She looked so beautiful. Her charm made all the other women in the party pale in comparison to her. I had imagined she'd be exquisite when she matured, but in reality she has far exceeded all my expectations. Everything in her is seductive: her beauty, her proper, delicate and adorable manners . . . Her eyes haven't lost one bit of allurement, and her heart has gained, if that was possible, in goodness and maturity. If ever there was a woman on Earth who embodied my feminine ideal, that has been you, Candy.

Having seen her abandoning the mansion to seek refuge in the garden, he hadn't hesitated to follow her. He had been observing how she had sat on a bench, her gaze fixated on the playful lights gleaming over the fountains, while he lurked behind a lush chestnut tree. To his ears there had come the notes of a musical piece by Chopin he recognized as the one to which they had listened together the night they had spent in the Scottish estate of the Grandchesters. For several minutes, he had silently admired the girl, who, with her eyes closed, seemed to be consumed by the memories. Seeing her lost in her daydreaming had reminded him more than ever of that flirtatious and rebellious adolescent he had met on the deck of the ship that headed for St. Paul's Academy in London more than seven years ago.

"My dear Tarzan Freckles", he had whispered to her as he sat next to her.

Surprised, she had opened her eyes, her cheeks blushing. "Terry, it's you!".

He had made a face at her as he laughed out loud. His heart was as touched as hers. Being so close to her seemed like a dream come true. However, he hadn't wanted her to perceive how moved he really was. He had decided to be strong for both of them in the present, as Candy had already been in the past.

"Who else could it be, Miss Tarzan Freckles? Or is there anyone else that dares to call one of the most beautiful girls in the party that way?"

She had given him back a smile, sharing his sense of humor.

"You're impossible, Terrence Grandchester! You will always remain St. Paul's terror! At all times so impertinent with girls. I hope that, at least, you haven't given up playing the harmonica I gave to you!".

He had winked an eye as he took a rectangular object from the pocket of his jacket.

"You still have it!" she had shouted with excitement.

He had opened the cover to take out the instrument. Then, he gave some deep breaths as he had concentrated on the rhythm of the waltz that the orchestra had begun to play. It hadn't taken him long to follow the melody, playing it perfectly and improvising, at the same time, difficult harmonious and new rhythms. Candy had listened to him absorbed. As he played, the youngster's eyes had run all over her body with longing, his lips fitted to the cold metal with desire, as if through the melody he could express and share with her all his passion, so long repressed. Nevertheless, the barrier that had taken them apart in the past still remained between them. When the music stopped, he had realized that she could read through his soul as clearly as himself.

"I've begun to love her, Candy", he had said with his well-modulated voice.

After listening to his confession, she could only stare at him. No words had come out from her throat. Why have I told her? I have just hurt her for the second time, Terry had said to himself. But he knew he would have never been able to act in any other way. She deserved and wished his total sincerity.

"If you are happy, I will be happy too", the girl had finally managed to say, her sincere look full of tenderness. "I would have never borne that you felt unfortunate. And Susanna deserves to be happy".

Candy had kept silent for brief instants before she continued.

"When I left you that night in New York, something inside myself told me it would be forever. After that, sometimes, I have dreamt about a future for us both. However, I always knew my dreams were just utopias, unreal fantasies. Seeing you here tonight! Being by your side! It's like reviving one of my dreams, Terry... I didn't want Albert to invite you. I didn't know how I would react when I faced reality. You are married to Susanna and I have no rights upon you but... I still love you, I can't avoid it. It's something stronger than me. Sometimes I think I will be in love with you eternally."

She had lowered her eyes in an effort to defend herself from the emotions that overwhelmed her, prisoner of some sadness he recognized as his own. He sensed it as a reflection of his own melancholy, of the same deep emptiness that had suffocated him in the past, before finding a reason that gave meaning to his life after parting with her in New York.

He had taken her hand, wanting to communicate her some of the inner peace that, with extraordinary effort, he had been able to reach. And, maybe also, a bit of hope in the future, in her own future.

"Here," he had whispered, as his finger pointed out to his heart, "it is born an invisible thread whose end is irrevocably joined to another similar one placed in your own heart. It's an extremely thin fiber, but it will never be broken. You and I know it. It's stronger than us, stronger than life, stronger than death. It will always be there, beyond time and distance. Nothing will destroy it, no barrier could ever be against us."

He had opened his arms and she found refuge between them. They were in silence for a moment, enjoying the touch, before he had continued talking.

"We're twin souls, Candy. I'm convinced that we have lived other lives together, and that in the future, when we're no longer Candice White and Terrence Grandchester, we will be together again. It's our destiny. A destiny bigger than us. Therefore, I don't regret being unable to be with you in this life. Although Susanna took us apart, it is said that God doesn't give us responsibilities that we aren't able to bear, neither loads that could surpass our strengths. Since my father died, I have been thinking a lot, Candy. I have thought a lot about us. Before, I was living a torture, unable to forgive neither the destiny that obliged me to leave you, nor myself for being so coward as to accept it."

At that precise moment, she had began to touch his cheek with her soft fingers.

"I remember one particular day, Candy. I was in London, with Susanna, who had been my wife for almost a year. Ours wasn't a happy marriage, as you can imagine. And it was all my fault. I knew she loved me, but I couldn't stand her vision, nor her touch. I always tried to spend most of the days outside home. I'd rather be alone, wondering the streets, than being a minute with her. Her obsession with me, her love... terrified me, because I was unable to correspond her feelings. That day, I passed by St. Michael's chapel by chance, and something made me going inside. You know I have never been a religious person, but the quietness and calmness of the place attracted me. I remember I sat in one of the benches of the church while a rare sensation of peace stifled me. There were some people praying, and their devotion and reverent attitude made me wish to imitate them. It had been ages since the last time I had prayed and I couldn't remember any of those prayers my mother taught me when I was a child. But the desire to talk to God was so strong that I made up my own speech. After that I felt calmer, happier, complete."

He interrupted himself again, fighting to find the best way to mould his thoughts into words.

"That night, when I came back home, I was surprised to see Susanna under a different light. Her resignation, her feelings towards me, her suffering... acquired a new dimension. I realized that my attitude towards her had been selfish and unfair. Her only sin had been to love me too much. It had been me who had decided to marry her in a free will. I knew I couldn't go on thinking just about myself and my own happiness."

Candy then had opened her mouth; she had just been about to say something but no words came out.

"You are a strong woman, Candy," he continued, "you have gone through every difficulty you've found on your way. But Susanna is just a girl that hasn't grown up yet, lost in a world she doesn't understand at all. She needs me, Candy. I know you'd despise me if I left her alone. You would never be happy by my side knowing that I had left behind a destitute soul."

She had agreed in silence, facing the truth hidden in his words. Terry had demonstrated her that he knew her better than herself.

"Maybe we can't be together in this life, my dear. But I know there will be other lives for us," he had whispered her in her ear while he was holding her tight.

He had felt the girl's body trembling against his, though her face showed a deep determination. When she had finally talked, her tone was vehement, her cheeks red due to her inner excitement, her pupils dazzling impetuous.

"I have wondered many times why I let you go away! I have revived our goodbye at those stairs so many times! In my dreams you always take me to the railway station and come back with me to Chicago. But you're right on one thing: we could never be happy together, feeling guilty for Susanna's unhappiness. Although I have been lying to myself, I have always known..."

The girl had placed her right hand on her chest, as if she was looking for some inner strengths to keep on going.

"Even so, I can't avoid wishing we were back to those happy days at St. Paul's College, when we thought we had a future at our disposition, when we foresaw stunned that long life that we were going to spend together, when we fell in love. I want you to go back today with me to that past, to that May Ball when you kissed me... I want you to kiss me for the last time. Terry..."

For an instant, he had stood still.

You don't realize what you are demanding from me, Candy, he had thought. It will be a torture for me. Remembering the taste of your lips, knowing that I will never be able to hold you again in my arms. You are reviving in me a desire that I've been repressing since we went apart. Can't you understand?

But, watching her so near him, fragile and supplicant, had broken his defenses. Turning his face towards her, he had sealed her lips with a kiss. For a moment, there was no present. He had imagined himself in his French cavalier suit, while he was holding his Juliet in his arms, so lively, anxious, full of energy. Although he had tried his touch to be chaste, he had felt that some force more powerful than himself invaded his senses completely. So many years of abstinence, living in her absence, took out from him a deep lament.

Then, he felt complete again, as if the light, that had before been stolen from him, had come back, more intense than ever. His breath had become nimble, his heart lighter, his soul had known fullness at last.

The lights of the fireworks that enlightened the night illuminated their shapes, dragged in ecstasy. Almost as if, in their last goodbye, Heaven had wanted them to find perfect happiness.

I love you, Terry. I always will.

I love you, Candy. I always will.

Although they didn't say it aloud, both of them could hear their thoughts as if they had cried them out. When they went apart, some of their nostalgia had disappeared, at the same time that a new acceptance shone in their eyes.

"Promise me one last thing, Candy," he had asked her while he held her hands between his, "be happy besides someone who loves you deeply. And try to love him as much as he loves you. That is the only way I will be happy."

Then, she had looked at him with eyes full of trust in her future. And he had believed her.

Now, in his car, he couldn't avoid thinking that he had left the most precious treasure of all; however, when he looked down to the relaxed figure that was leaning on his shoulder, he knew that the absence would never be so bitter.

Goodbye, my dear Tarzan Freckles. I hope you can find happiness. I promise you I will fight to reach my own. And surely, someday, somewhere, we will be able to start together again.

Note of the author: Thanks so much Vio () for your wonderful translation of chapter 5. ( 2000 Rosa Carmona


	6. Absences

**CHAPTER 6: ABSENCES**

As usually, Hanna awoke at dawn, as she had always done since she was a child, nevertheless, lately, while not entirely awaken, her eyes were normally captivated, gazing at a very unusual vision that was becoming very familiar to her. In spite of the time being, there were some days when she believed to hear her mother's voice very clear just as she awoke, in that moment when the last fragments of sleep seem to be real. Han, my dear, it's time to wake up. The feeling was so real that precise morning that she believed her brothers and sisters were there too. Tom, Mike, Evelyn, Prince, Julie and little Rob and Debbie, all of them surrounding her tenderly, as happy and rebellious as she recalled. Although normally she told herself off because of that, she hadn't been able to, lately. She couldn't avoid the temptation of pleasing her mind every time she became absorbed by her memories. She knew she had to concentrate on day to day routine, but at dawn, when she was completely alone, she couldn't help taking delight, for an instant, on the pictures of the past that assailed her, lively and playful.

She was back in time, when she was eleven years old. For a second she believed she could feel the strength of youth fulfilling her completely again. Hard-working, responsible... Her open look inspired confidence almost instantaneously and, in spite of her basic education -she could hardly read and write-, her fair manners didn't took long to earn her first master's, William S. Andrew III - grandfather of the current generation- confidence. A peculiar philanthropic and benefactor of various charity organizations, the magnate had been aware of her innate intelligence, letting her enter freely his private library, and teaching her himself when his duties let him. Dear Mr. William, she thought as her heart warmed. He even had approved her sharing lessons with his own son, William A. Andrew IV, occasionally, when her responsibilities ended.

Remembering the youngster made her feel the familiar pins and needles in her stomach, reopening one of her old wounds. William Andrew IV had been a handsome youngster, with a big heart and caring personality, and she couldn't avoid falling in love with him. From the very beginning, hers had been a hopeless love. He was engaged in matrimony to Beatrice Candlan, the girl he was deeply in love with. Hannah had never built up any hope about him, but she had cherished and sealed that feeling in her heart as if it was a precious treasure. It had been the first and last time in her life she had felt that kind of passion towards any man. She had been conscious that fondness would be with her forever, hurting her continuously, but yet she had carried no strength to give up her position as housekeeper at the Mansion when her old benefactor had died. Being able to see William every day had given her enough courage to go on living, and peacefully her feelings had been confined in a hidden place of her heart.

William! she pronounced his name in a whisper. He had always shown her the tenderness of an elder brother, demonstrating her many times the great esteem and confidence she had earned from the family. His concern and caring for her was sincere, as well as his wife's -a beautiful woman of fragile health and easy manners-, and lasted till his death, when he was just about to be thirty-five years old and Hannah was thirty. From that day on, just Pauna and little Albert were able to heal her pain. They became for her offspring of her own blood, as God hadn't blessed her with children of her own. Feeling useful and loved by the children, especially by little Albert, so alike to his father and grandfather, made her ordinary days become gifts treasured in her disconsolate heart.

When the first sunbeams began to break in the horizon, lighting up the darkness, Hannah resumed the necessary strength to say goodbye to her memories and go out with difficulty from bed. She was already fifty-five years old and her damaged joints withstood everyday a bit more to obey her instructions. Even so, her tireless soul wasn't frightened, conscious that once her body decided to stop, nothing, nor anybody could be able to hold up.

She got close to the windowsill and enjoyed the beauty of dawn. She was aware that, as time passed and she got older, she was more easily moved by the little miracles of everyday life. In the last years, just the simple vision of a just flowered shoot could fill her eyes with tears.

You're getting senile as time passes by, she said to herself, as a soft shiver run all over her body. She wrapped herself up in her housecoat and examined briefly the working day that was awaiting for her. Above all, she had to organize the service to get the Mansion ready after last night's party. Her lips let out a sigh as she remembered last night Albert's face, tired and melancholic. She knew he had been the last one to retire to his chamber. My poor boy, what disturbed you so much last night? It doesn't matter how much you try to hide your real self behind that mask of calmness. You'll never be able to deceive me. I know you since you were born. I couldn't love you more if you were my own blood.

Soft rain was wetting the atmosphere. The woman shuddered at the thought of the suffering that weather would cause to her rheumatic bounds during such a long day, full of tasks and housework. Don't think about it any more, you fool. As soon as you are hard at work, you will forget about it all. She was just about to get dressed, when a light in the north part of the house called her attention. The rooms of that wing hadn't been used for years. She was the only person that entered that area of the building to clean and air everyday Miss Pauna's chambers, a place that Albert had preserved exactly as his sister had left them last night she slept in the Mansion, before she married Robert Brown. Everyday, two dozens of red and white roses were ordered and Hannah, following the youngster's wishes, leant them over her bed, as she had always loved. Even so, Albert had never entered in the room since she had died.

Thousands of doubts assailed the woman. In a hurry, she did her morning ablutions and dressed herself with a simple grey cotton dress. With great difficulty, she could finally calm herself enough to tie her hair in a low bun, and got out of her room. She had never before run through all those corridors so quickly. She was only some metres away from the suspected chamber when she stopped to regain her breath.

What if they are thieves? Should I wake up Madsen? What could I possibly do if they are a group of criminals? But curiosity was stronger than her fears. Secretly she took a poker that had been abandoned in a dark end of the corridor and went to the illuminated room. It wasn't completely closed. Her heart beat fast as she obliged herself to calm down. She sighed a couple of times, crossed herself praying to the Lord to protect her and, silently, entered the room.

Her glance wandered nervously over the familiar objects. The room was full with shelves with the Chinese statuettes that Pauna had collected during her childhood. Walls were covered with detailed reproductions of exotic species of roses from all over the world. She was overwhelmed with familiar memories when her gaze found a familiar shape leant on the desk. Albert, she shouted in her mind. She left the makeshift arm on one side and came closer to him.

He was sitting on a chair, his face leaning on his left stretched-out arm. The youngster seemed deeply asleep, wrapped in one of her sister's shawls. His right hand was lying still, embracing the old bagpipe she had given him as a gift. His hair was ruffled over his shoulders and his cheeks had started to overshadow by an early beard. Hannah felt her heart shrinking as she observed him, indefensible in his sleep. In spite of the calmness of his face, his forehead was full with lines of worry that not even sleep had been able to erase.

The woman went to the fitted cupboard and took a bedspread. She turned to the sleeper and covered him with it, as she gave him a smooth kiss on his cheek.

What has happened to you, my little one, that you hadn't been able to find any rest anywhere but in this room? I remember that you always went to Pauna when, as a child, worries overwhelmed you. Since she died, there has been no one in your life to take her place in your heart, no one to entrust your pains to. On the contrary, everyone comes to you when they've got a problem... And you are so young, Albert, to bear so many burdens of others! So young! You're like William, so sensitive and passionate... You deserve to find a woman that loves you. Someone that gives you her help and support, that will be always by your side, ready to offer her love and understanding. No one knows better than I do how immense is your capacity for love, the great passion that you are able to feel, your efforts to restrain your feelings, to feign that inscrutability, that constant self- control. Oh, Albert! If you just could find another Beatrice, who loved your father so much so as to put herself in danger just to be able to give birth to a male heir.

There was a time when I thought that maybe Candy could take that place in your life. After your sister, she has been the person that was closer to you. She helped you a lot when you lost your memory in the past, when you were so indefensible and weak... Sometimes she reminds me of myself. But I wasn't so lucky. William never loved me, but you are deeply in love with her. Every one of your gazes were betraying you last night. However, she doesn't feel the same for you. It was easy to guess. She's so blind, Albert! If your father had loved me a minimum part of what you love her, I'd have felt the happiest woman in the world. How unfair is life sometimes! I just hope that my little girl, Pauna, had known how to comfort you. I am sure that, from Heaven, she's still watching over you. The same as she did when you were a kid. As she will always be doing.

A solitary tear rolled down the woman's cheek and she wiped it away quickly. You are senile, old lady, you are senile, she said to herself as she left the room. However, a bit of happiness shone smoothly in her look.

I thought you would never defeat your fears of the past, neither that you would ever face with courage any of your sad memories. But you did. Pauna will rest in peace now that you have accepted her death and you have opened yourself to life. Now you will be able to be happy, my child. You, more than anybody else, deserve it.

(...)

Candy opened her eyes when someone knocked on her door. It took her a while to fall asleep that night, overwhelmed by the emotions of the evening. Her night had been a never-ending soft dream full with unreal fantasies, melancholy and restlessness, a continuous evocation of her meeting with Terry in the gardens. Although her mind still denied believing that the chat they had hadn't been a hallucination caused by her own mind, the light of the day took her back to the sad real world. And truth opened up in her mind. She was still in Terry's memories, he still kept the love they had professed in a special place of his heart, but he had admitted that he had started to fall in love with Susanna. She had turned to be definitely a part of his past, a beautiful, passionate, evocative past, but a past. Susanna was his present, a present that actively offered him company, understanding, support; a present full of strength in comparison to the evanescent past she represented.

Will I ever be able to be next to you, Terry, without wishing your hands could touch my skin, or feel the tenderness of your lips on mine? Will I ever be able to look at your children, yours and Susanna's, without wishing they were mine? Will I ever look at her eyes without wishing to be in her place every night in your bed? Yesterday, I said goodbye to you, but you just said farewell. You talked to me about another life, even about some other lives... but how can I live "this" one without you? I can't be happy next to you because remorse wouldn't let me to, but I can't either be happy without you because my heart needs you as I need air to breath. What am I going to do now? Now that I've lost my last hopes.

Candy closed her eyes as she fought her tears not to come out. How strong and sure she had felt that night in New York, when she gave up her lover for Susanna's sake! How innocent, how silly seemed her attitude now to her! She should have fought for her love with all her strength, with every weapon, as Susanna did! Not thinking about anyone but herself. Now she had definitely lost him. What had her kindness served her for? Terry was now gone for her. How easy to say, but how difficult to accept.

The girl stayed leaning back on her bed as some uncontrollable tears started to slide through her cheeks. Someone knocked the door again, but she didn't feel strong enough to answer. She just wanted to stay there, left alone and hidden, forever. Suddenly to keep on living seemed to her an unbearable thing to do. She wished to be able to sleep forever, and not to awake ever again. Not even Anthony's death had left her so depressed, so defeated. Instinctively, Albert's face came to her mind. He had always appeared in her life in those moments when she needed a friendly hand to comfort her: when she was a child at Pony's Hill, when he saved her life from drowning in the waterfall, at the rose gate when her gentle Anthony died, at St. Paul's College in London, when he protected her from the lion in Chicago, when she broke up with Terry after Susanna's attempt of suicide, when she escaped from Neil's seduction plan, at Stear's funeral, after Terry's wedding...

Thinking about him made her soul find a bit of solace. Albert, she whispered. She needed to be by his side. Only him could give her calmness and hope again. With this thought in her mind, she felt able to leave the bed. She wiped her last tears away and started to get dressed.

- "Miss Candy, is anything wrong?"

Hannah's voice awoke her from her thoughts.

- "No, nothing at all, Hannah. I am finishing dressing up myself. I will come down to have breakfast immediately, - she said as she started to put on her white stockings."

It didn't take her long to finish wrapping herself up in her nurse uniform and came down to the living room. Like every morning, the housekeeper had ordered a tasty buffet of fruit, scrambled eggs, sausages, cereals, yoghurts, juices, cold meat and various kind of rolls. Usually Candy was very hungry in the morning, aware that work wouldn't allow her to take any other decent meal till dinnertime, but this morning she felt lacking in appetite. She had some coffee and sat next to the large window. She was surprised Albert hadn't come down yet, meticulous with his punctuality so as to make servants' tasks easier, but she consoled herself thinking that his delay should be due to his tiredness of the evening before.

Candy looked at the grandfather clock. Quarter past nine. Forty-five minutes left to start her shift at the hospital. She had some time left to wait for Albert. Nevertheless, half an hour later, the youngster continued showing no signs of life. Every time she heard a noise of steps, she looked up expecting him, but there was no sign of Albert.

Albert, where are you? She thought worried, It's so unusual you haven't come down yet. Suddenly some fear assailed her, What if he's ill?

The mere idea made her leave the living room to look for Hannah. It didn't take her long to find her giving precise orders to the maids.

- "Hannah, I am worried about Albert,"- she told her with a light accent of nervousness in her voice, -"He hasn't come down to have breakfast yet. And you know how punctual he normally is".

The woman took her hand, trying to calm her, as she smiled with sweetness.

- "Don't you worry, Miss. The Master is fine but he had to leave early this morning. He asked me to tell you that he will be off for some days due to some business".

Candy sighed relieved. Listening to the woman's explanation lightened her worry, but to know that she wouldn't be able to talk to him until he came back disappointed her deeply, fulfilling her with anxiety.

It is the first time Albert isn't by my side when I need him...

Hannah interrupted her thoughts.

- "Do you want me to ask Mr. Rogers to drive you to the hospital?"

Candy looked at her watch. It was too late and unless she was driven to work, she wouldn't be on time to do her duties. She nodded as she put her blue cape on her shoulders and went out to the porch.

It was a grey and rainy morning, accurate reflection of her mood. Even if she felt depressed, she knew she couldn't avoid her duties. She was convinced that Albert would come back soon. That thought made her smile at the time she got into her car, which door had been opened nicely for her by the chauffeur. Just once, during the route, did she remember the passionate kiss Albert had given her as they danced. The idea that his leave was due to her denial just took few minutes in her mind.

Albert is like a brother for me, and he knows it. That kiss didn't mean anything. I am sure it was his way to make me feel still. Only he knew how nervous I was due to Terry's presence. He'll be back soon, then everything will be clear and our relationship will be like it was before.

Thanks to Mr. Rogers' efficiency, they got to St. Camille Hospital in less than ten minutes, just on time for Candy to take her position without any further complications. The girl went up the stairs to the sixth floor very quickly and when she entered the nurses' room, she had a laboured breath. Prudence, the colleague she had to replace for morning duty, greeted her with affection.

- "Quiet, darling. Relax. It is still five minutes left till Hamilton starts her morning round in surgery. Sit down and rest, otherwise you'll faint".

Candy smiled as she took a hand to her breast and tried to catch her breath.

- "You are right, Prudy. I must look horrible,- she answered with difficulty as she sat in a nearby sofa-. Lately the chief has been too strict with uniformity. Sometimes I think I should have my hair cut really short. I can't live with Flammy's aversion to my rebel curls.

The girl started to dry the pearl drops of sweat from her forehead as she mended her look, a down bun covered with an immaculate white cap.

Prudence couldn't stop a stentorian laugh. The woman was about forty years old. She was wide, tall and big built; in spite of her incredible physical look and her reckless voice, she was very feminine and motherly. Some big brown eyes that evoked a warm current of constant optimism and affection enlightened her square face. Patients used to look at her terrified when they first met her, because her enormous hands seemed more capable to dislocate bears than to take care of sick-people, but it didn't take them long to appreciate their mistake when she eased them. The smoothness of her touch along with her easy and calm manners inspired them peace and serenity. On the other hand, she was the only colleague for whom Flammy Hamilton showed an almost reverent respect, conscious as she was that, if it weren't for her medal during the war, Prudence would have become the nurse designated to her position.

Candy was very kin of her since they started to work together. In some ways, she remembered her of her two mothers, Miss Pony and Sister Maria. One of her dreamt projects was to get the three of them to know each other. She was sure they were appointed to get on well and that Prudence would love Lakewood.

- "Don't worry about that, my girl. A small touching-up and you will be perfect. By the way, Mr. Smith, the man on bed number five, had a heart attack last night and he is in Intensive Care. Dr. Newmann visited him first hour in the morning and told me that his condition was stabilized. It is necessary to watch his vital constants every hour. It's going to be a long day for you, Candy. If I remember properly, you also have an appendicitis operation this afternoon. But by that time I think Molly will have arrived."

Candy finished adjusting her cap while she nodded to her partner. She looked at herself in the mirror and observing the paleness of her cheeks, she pinched them to give them some colour.

- "By the way, Candy. How was last night party?"

A light shadow of sadness clouded the girl's look as she answered.

"I...," - the girl swallowed, and shut up suddenly.

This feeling of sorrow, I can't take it away from me. Candy closed her eyes showing dejection. Prudence's innocent question made all her pain renew in an instant.

Her partner looked at her perplexed. The girl's face was a vivid image of distress. It was the first time since she had met her, four years ago, that she was seeing her so full with hopelessness. Candy was the joy of the hospital, her smile cheered up every one, hers was the lively face that gave consolation to the sick-people with just a look, the comfort of the given-up souls.

- "What has happened, my girl?" - she asked her as she put a hand on her cheek,- "tell it to Prudy, you will feel better afterwards, you'll see."

Candy opened her magnetic green eyes. She tried to speak but her whole body trembled, victim of spasms. Her partner sat by her side and hold her tight.

- "Cry, Candy, cry. You'll feel better afterwards, you'll see. Shhh. Don't worry, my girl. Everything will be fine. Prudy is by your side and will help you."

The woman's tenderness, her warmth, the security of her strong arms made the girl get quiet. Little by little her sobs placated and her look recovered her usual liveliness. Suddenly, she exploded in a sudden laugh.

- "Oh, Prudy! Now I am again in a mess," -she could say among some hiccups as she rinsed her last tears.

Prudence watched her. Although her face continued congested, the girl looked more relaxed.

- "If you want, I can stay and replace you this shift, Candy."

The questioned girl nodded.

- "Thanks, but you've done enough for me already. Besides you have just finished a night shift and you need a rest more than I do."

The woman was about to refuse, but in the end she considered that some hard work would be the most effective balm for the girl to forget her worries, and she didn't insist. She wished to ask her what was wrong, but her discrete manners made her gave up inquiring deeper. She knew that Candy would tell her when she felt ready.

- "I'll be at home if you need me," -she said as she stood up and took her cape.

- "Thanks Prudy. You've helped me a lot already. I'll be fine."

Prudence made her a wink of complicity before she left the room. After saying goodbye. Candy entered the room to start the round she had been assigned. Luckily for her, Flammy hadn't arrived yet and soon her work absorbed her completely. During her shift, she had almost no chance to think about anything but the present time. Her day-to-day more refined skill of the surgical instruments use made Dr. Potter congratulate her. He was the one she assisted in the scheduled appendicitis operation. His praises extracted from her lips the first honest smile of the day. Thanks to the routine, she could sink herself into some kind of emotional drowsiness that helped to relax her tense feelings.

When she was back at home, she was physically exhausted and insensitive to everything that didn't mean satisfaction of her basic needs: food and rest. Hannah, conscious that she would come back late, had left for her a cold buffet in the living room. The staff had retired to their rooms some time ago and the mansion was submitted in absolute silence. Candy didn't bother to turn on the lights of the room. The curtains were drawn back and a pale light illuminated clearly the objects. She took some turkey and orange juice and sat on Albert's chair, facing the balcony. She almost could feel his presence by the unique aroma that impregnated the room.

Albert, why are you gone? The question resounded in her mind, accusing her, immersing herself in a ridiculous unease. She had ended accepting as normal facts as his business trips and never before had judged his reasons. But she felt it was different this time. Her thoughts travelled to the past, to the moment when he was ill, with amnesia, and had left St. Anne's Hospital. Then, she had found him at the National Park of Chicago. In some way her soul accepted the comparison of both situations. Albert, aren't you going to come back? Have you left me alone? But this time, she couldn't go out to look for him. He didn't need her. He wasn't ill, nor miserable. It was her who missed him. And he was far away, beyond her reach.

Nervous, her glance walked through the familiar objects of the room and discovered a voluminous object next to her chair. Curiosity made any thought go away from her mind as she lighted a near lamp. The first thing that called her attention was an enormous white gladiolus bouquet. She took it in her arms and breathed her soft fragrance. Lost in the exuberance of the flowers, she found an envelope. Although her heart trembled impatient, she obliged herself to act with tranquillity. She tore the envelope meticulously and took a sheet of paper that had been carefully folded. Albert's handwriting, big and clear, was unmistakable.

'My dear Candy, some unexpected setback keeps me in Lakewood. I am sorry I haven't told you before that I was leaving, but everything happened out of the blue. I hope to be back in a week's time. I beg you to accept my apologies for my inexcusable behaviour. I promise that something like that won't happen ever again. Yours, Albert.'

Candy read the note several times, trying to decipher a second reading hidden behind the shortness and formalism of the message. Something like that won't happen ever again. What does he mean? In spite of the missing inflections, she recognised some trace of bitterness and sadness in between lines.

He is referring to the kiss!... What a fool I am, Albert! How selfish and childish! Just thinking about myself, my needs, my suffering. You, the one that has always been there by my side when I needed you; you, the one that has been constantly keeping an eye on my every little wish; you, the one that has always fought for my happiness and has protected me from every hurt... You'll think that I am ungrateful, spoilt and capricious. But, I could have never imagined that... Oh, Albert! I should have supposed it. Every move, every look, every touch... I was so blinded last night! All your soul declared it and I didn't care to see it. I didn't understand your feelings. Your anxiety. Oh, Albert! Why? Why have you fallen in love with me? I don't deserve your love, can't you see that? My heart is prisoner of a feeling that I don't know if I will be able to drown. You deserve a woman that loves you with all the passion of her heart, and not someone like me, with a divided soul... Why, Albert? Why? It is not fair...

Candy held the note against her breasts. Her pain was so deep that she felt incapable of crying. She sensed some intensive coldness invading her and she embraced herself. She went out the living room and ascended the stairs, but instead of going to her bedroom, she walked on to Albert's. She undressed herself and wrapped her up among the sheets of his bed. His musk smell overcame her completely and little by little she recovered her calmness. Some minutes later she was in a deep sleep, quieted by the idea that, in a strange way, in spite of the distance, Albert kept on protecting her and watching over her sleep.

Albert, come back soon. I need you, she whispered in her dreams.

Note of the author:

Thanks so much Vio () for your wonderful translation of chapter 6.

( 2000 Rosa Carmona


	7. Mending Injuries

**CHAPTER 7: MENDING INJURIES**

Raindrops beat rhythmically the large windows of the mansion forming unconnected streams that died in dozens of small pools spread on the gravel. _Drip… drop… drip… drop…_ The monotonous gurgle was like a balm for the melancholic and still observer whose gaze was getting lost, absent, captive of vast thoughts. The youngster, dressed that morning in severe black, contemplated absorbed the wonderful sight that Nature had displayed before his eyes. Standing up, by the door balcony of his cozy studio, held in his hand a cup of coffee, already cold, its steaming look lost ago, irrevocable victim of oblivion.

In spite of the deep pain that still lacerated his soul, he had found some light in some inner place where he had believed to be surrounded only by darkness. In spite of the great variety of exotic and attractive places he had known in his travels around the world, no place moved him deeper than Lakewood in Spring: the unique emerald green dying the leaves of the chestnut trees, the exquisite and delicate flower buds about to blossom, the crystalline waters of the lively trout river turbulently crossing the property, the special quality of the air, so pure and refreshing… His spirit always felt renewed and refreshed when he returned. Lakewood was his private shrine, built with the sole purpose of singing the praises of Nature, bringing humanity closer to Divinity and its extraordinary creatures. Albert had always considered it like a balsam. There was no other place where he felt so in peace with himself, so near complete happiness.

Since he had returned, he had hardly done anything but thinking and enjoying the awesome landscapes of the property. Last night spent in Chicago had exhausted the few reserves of self-control he had left. The rejection suffered had opened in his soul a deep wound that he could only bear to heal in complete isolation, far away from Candy, from the familiarity of their shared life and its constant memories, secluded in his private and peaceful backwater… Loving her since childhood had made his feelings root profoundly in his heart. Forgetting her seemed as painful as amputating an essential part of himself. He had loved her forever, since he was able to recall… He could still evoke that innocent and cheerful child, with her oval face full of freckles that cried in heavy distress in Cartright Hill, the one she, naively, baptized as "her" Pony Hill.

Albert closed his eyes, trying to block the memories that kept slipping and hurting him. But it was so difficult… He needed time and he hadn't it in abundance… When he opened them again, he fixed his gaze on the first line of hedges surrounding the mansion, striving to find some pleasing thought that moved him away from the unbearable agony that had chased him for the last three days, from the reality that he had forced himself to accept and that for so many years he had tried to avoid. Suddenly he reminisced about a seesaw and a happy child on top of it, laughing uninhibited...

... Years ago, when he was still a child, he could swing freely; he could boost himself believing he could touch the sky with his little hands. When he was still a child…

With the cold coffee cup yet in his hands, absorbed by the images his mind recalled, he let his thoughts wander loose, like petals rocked by the wind, pursuing a distant past in which he had been so fortunate…

… _Pauna and I always spent our summers here. She adored taking personal care of her rosebushes, even when her illness advised against it, and kept on visiting periodically during the year. I had to wait impatiently, until summer holidays, to meet her. I always thought Lakewood was our secret paradise, certainly a paradise for a child…_

_Were there children of my age in the neighborhood? I don't think so. Those summers of my childhood were lonely. But I think I never had a chance to get bored… Even when I was very young, I was fascinated by insects: the patient spider building her lethal web, the civilized ants harvesting for the winter, the charming nuptial ball of the ephemeral butterflies. I enjoyed marveled the wakeup of nature every morning: the playful and naughty squirrels racing on top of the branches, the vibrant vitality of the deer in constant alert, the undying strength of salmons as they thrived to survive._

_Nearly all afternoons I used to ride. I still can remember it as if it was yesterday… My stallion's name was Ruano. My Brother in__ law gifted him to me when I had barely started my riding lessons at school. He bought it in one of his trips to Spain, when his frigate docked in Cadiz. He was a purebred Andalousian, passionate and moody. I fell in love with the wild beast as soon as my eyes landed on him, and even if he wasn't easy to tame due to his vehemence, with patience I ended up winning his indomitable soul. It was very strange seeing us apart, we spent together countless hours. Ruano became my best childhood friend. His death was my first great loss. It convinced me that my love for animals wasn't enough, that I should learn to alleviate their sufferings. It is ironic that I learnt my true vocation only when I lost him. But… why complaining… life is a whimsical lover that subjects us to its constant caprices, whether we want it or not… My best friend was gone forever and I was all alone again._

_I decided to meet other children. I didn't want another pet whose loss made me suffer again. It seemed to me the only way to overcome my sadness. After sharing so many afternoons with Ruano, isolation wasn't as bearable as before. Pauna's health was deteriorating and she couldn't tend to me as she used to__. Little Anthony, who by the time was around seven years old, demanded all her time and couldn't stand being without her. I started to wander around bigger areas as Lakewood became small for my growing curiosity. It was in one of those aimless excursions when I discovered Pony's Home. Immediately I felt captivated by the children living in there, my twins in spirit, as they were orphans like me. Since then, I started spying on their games, afraid they could discover me but enjoying their witty pranks as if they were my own._

_That is how__ I met Candy. It is curious, thinking about her as a grownup woman only brings me pain, but recalling her as a child awakens my tenderness. She was barely six years old by the time, but yet the soul of every game; her vivacity and braveness, her roguery and cleverness, had her adored by all the kids but also granted her continuous scolding from her guardians. It was the first time in my life I felt that attracted to another person, the first time that I truly desired being friends with another human being. I had friends at school, but with her it was different. It was as if I saw a reflection of my own in her, as if I could listen to the echo of my soul into hers. Along my life, I have sometimes felt that sensation when meeting new people, a kind of sixth sense that reads directly into others' core, aware of the fact that there is an indelible link among us… That was the first time I truly noticed it. I didn't know that child, but I felt deeply linked to her. I didn't know anything about her, yet it was as if I knew everything._

_I remember struggling hard trying to find the most suitable way to introduce myself to her. Thousands of times I had imagined how it would be playing with her, laughing with her jokes, climbing those trees she so well knew. I wanted to show her Lakewood, introduce her to Pauna and little Anthony__, guide her through the beauty of the forest that surrounded our property and the fascinating animals that lived there… Nevertheless I was scared to take the first step… It was one afternoon of early September when fate brought me the chance I had wished for so long._

_It seems as if it had just happened yesterday. Images are engraved deeply in my memories… That day I had asked George, who drove me to a party I had to attend to representing my sister, to stop for a moment at Cartright Hill. I desired to spy briefly on the charming family of orphans, as I wouldn't have the chance to do so again until the following year. I returned to Chicago the following morning to keep on with my studies. To make it more uncomfortable, that afternoon I was wearing the formal outfit of my family and the plaids of the kilt intertwined with my legs, hindering my movements. It took me an eternity to climb up the hill. My bagpipe weighed heavily in my arms, but I wanted to play a farewell tune in that place that I had ended up loving so much and had brought me so__ many happy moments. When I saw her there, alone, crying, my heart shrank of sadness. My first reaction was trying to hide but, some stronger compulsion boosted me to comfort her, overcoming my shyness. When she saw me and smiled, puzzled at my clothing, calling me "alien", I knew it had been worth it bearing with the heavy sweat those formal garments caused me. As we kept on talking she calmed down and a beautiful smile shone in her face. With the corner of my eyes I was seeing George making signs at me and, as she run towards the letter the wind had stolen briefly from her, I found my chance to disappear. I had never guessed I would treasure that moment so deeply in my heart, neither that, from there onwards, I would be her "Prince of the Hill"…_

Albert took the coffee cup to his lips and drank serenely. He barely noticed its coldness and unpleasant taste. Evoking the past had filled him with warmth. If he closed his eyes he could still see brilliant colors exiling the darkness that since that morning seemed to cover every corner he looked at.

_I didn't see her again for many years. My sister died the following year and Monty decided to sen__d me to St. Paul School. British, with their particular imperturbability and cynicism, seemed to be especially unlikeable, besides sadness and rage oppressed me; however, little by little, I started overcoming my chagrin and got used to my new environment. George was my only link to the States during the five years I spent isolated in England. I wanted so desperately to go back to Lakewood, but at the same time, reminiscing the place without Pauna's presence, living there without her, seemed completely intolerable. The little family we had formed around her got destroyed when she left us. Robert, drowning in his turmoil, had returned to the sea, and little Anthony had been brought to Aunt Elroy's. I didn't have any home to come back to. Nobody was waiting for me. I was alone._

_How odd is fate! I only allowed myself to return when I reached my eighteenth birthday. I felt strong; I thought the past couldn't harm me anymore. I decided to hide my true identity, even from my family. I wished to be free, live my life without restrictions, without having to avail on a surname, on my family position... I wanted to make my way on my own. Lakewood hadn't changed at all despite the time passed. Only Monty and George knew of my presence by the lumber__jack house, and I knew too well the property not to be glimpsed by the watchmen._

_One of the__ years I spent there, fate reunited me with Candy. She was as charming as she was when she was a little kid, even more, generous, patient, adorable… But her hidden unhappiness hurt me profoundly. Legans' abusive behavior towards her, overwork, constant vexations, jealousies had erased many smiles from her face. I had changed my appearance by that time not to be recognized, I used a disguise to hide my evident Andrew semblance: so identical to my father's and probably similar to Anthony's if he had reached my age. I dyed my hair auburn, very ill-favored, and let my moustache and beard grow. To sum up, when I met her again, instead of looking like a man in his twenties, I seemed to be in my forties. I still laugh when I remember her terrified glance when she woke up in my arms after her accident by the waterfall. She must have thought I was a villain, a murderer, a vagabond, or a pirate…_

_It was her suffering, the pleading of my nephews and my own intuition that made me realize the only way to guarantee her happiness was giving her our surname, adopting her in ou__r family. I became her tutor, that idealized Uncle William she always adored and whose true identity she took that much to fathom. I preferred to be Mr. Albert for her, the friend who always showed up to comfort and helped her in the most troublesome moments, than Uncle William, the respected and distant tutor. I never longed for her gratitude, I wanted her trust, I wanted to see her happy. In any event, I couldn't spare her from the grieving future that was soon to arrive: Anthony's death, her love for Terry and how they had to part…_

_Even though I tried my best to give her happiness, I couldn't avoid her getting hurt with various thorns… And finally, I have also caused her anguish for not knowing how to hide my own feelings for her… If only I hadn't lost my memories! If only she hadn't taken care of me in that hospital! My childhood infatuation had already died when I saw her again in Lakewood. By that time I only wished to be her friend, her confident, her tutor… But living with her that final year, unaware of my past, of the bonds that linked us together… I learnt to see her not like a helpless child but as a woman of exquisite beauty, a fighter, noble, gentle, kind… I was twenty-three, she had just turned seventeen. I suppose it was inevitable that my feelings evolved… Destiny teased with me when I was allowed to survive that train accident during the war to face this penitence._

His lips curved into a bitter smile. He sighed and focused on the tranquility emanating from the outside. The frenetic rhythm of the main city couldn't reach him where he was. Crowds, burdens, frenzy… It was so long since he hadn't taken his time to enjoy the simple things of day to day life: a dawn, a storm, the chirping of a bird, some leaves carried away by the wind, a quiet coffee in the afternoon…

He turned to face the room and took a seat at his bureau. A note book, some guides and various volumes of African zoology were spread over the table. His obsession to forget his recent miseries had turned into imperative his desire to depart to Congo. He focused his energies and time at studying the project. The attention he dedicated was so intense he often lost track of time. Thanks only to the close vigilance the members of the service had upon him; he still took care of his daily meals and personal hygiene.

Again absorbed reading the books, he didn't notice a silent figure entering the chamber and taking a seat near the balcony. Tall, stalwart and olive-skinned, a deep analysis of his features would have revealed a clear Hindu ascendency. In his bronzed face, a pair of vivid and deep dark eyes stood out. The passing of time hadn't minimized at all the intensity of his gaze that, at the same time, was filled with great tenderness as he looked at Albert.

The visitor knew perfectly how to blur his presence with the surroundings; Albert was completely oblivious to him. Not even a more attentive observant would have been more successful. It was a skill he had improved along the years, since his childhood as a petty thief in the streets of London and that, sometimes, he still practiced, out of fun or when Andrew Family interests were compromised by any circumstance.

He observed the younger man in silence, his gaze severe and concerned. Since Albert had returned to Lakewood, and despite his efforts to hide it, he had witnessed his deep bitterness. He had not yet discovered the reason for such an odd behavior. Normally quiet, serene and joyful, Albert never seemed to him that desperate. Years ago he had promised his father that he would be a good advisor for him, that he would protect and take care of him at any moment; nevertheless he foresaw that, this time, cicatrizing his injuries depended only on himself. Unfortunately he was no longer a child easy to comfort but a man entirely aware of his possibilities.

"George!" greeted Albert when a soft cough captured his attention.

The visitor was perfectly aware of how Albert tried to compose himself to show him his best semblance. In spite of the dark circles under his eyes and his evident emotional exhaustion, he managed to give him a wide smile.

"I am surprised, sir!" he exclaimed. "You wake up as early as me if not more. I thought that, being on holidays, far away from your most immediate responsibilities, you would relax your strict discipline and focus in satisfying your most secret vices".

Albert pretended to laugh.

"And precisely you reproach me? I don't know anyone as responsible as my old George. Well, well, don't look at me like that. I know you aren't that old, my friend… Basically you have educated me, so my virtues and defects only have one source". Albert got silent for a moment as he raised his eyebrow. "By the way, how long have you been without vacations? And don't tell me you can't, because I have been trying to convince you of the opposite for four years. Now I am dealing personally with the family businesses, you can let certain responsibilities in my hands… Sometimes I think you don't trust my capacities…".

George, visibly disgruntled, frowned.

"Don't misunderstand me, sir. Your father would be really proud of you if he was still alive, but my debt towards him is not completely paid. He took me from the scum, educated me, offered me a position and a place of trust in his family. I promised him I would take care of you, protect your wellbeing and your interests. I consider my mission is not yet accomplished".

Albert looked at him skeptically.

"You are like an older brother to me, George. I know my father loved you like a son, though he never adopted you formally. In fact he left you a considerable legacy in his testament; you could easily live out of your rents. And here you are, working like a simple executive, protecting me as if I was still a child, when you should start considering enjoying your own life. You have already done enough for this family".

George looked at him closely. He knew him since he was a baby and cared for him as if he was of his same blood. He remembered the plump baby, sweet and calm, that Lady Beatrice, whom he had loved as if she was his own mother, gave birth to. "Look after my son, George", it was the only plea Mr. William had made him and his last worlds in his death bed. For months he had suffered the agony of a degenerative illness that had taken away all his faculties before driving him to an irreversible coma, preventing him from knowing his newborn son. It had been especially tough for him losing his protector, the sole fatherly figure he had ever known in his life.

Since then, he had dedicated his life to the accomplishment of that promise. Pauna had taken the responsibility of raising his brother and Montgomery Weston became his tutor and educative counselor, while he, George, was in charge of taking care of his inheritance. Mr. William had already made the proper arrangements to guarantee his protégé's admission in Harvard and his excellent marks, along with the testamentary disposals made by his benefactor, allowed him to have a prominent role in the management of the family businesses. Those duties hadn't prevented him from doing other more trivial activities, personal favors to Albert who, at the conclusion of his studies in England, had decided to hide his true identity, living away from the family. Adopting Candy had been one of them: saving her from slavery in Mexico, taking her to London… and finally introducing her to the mysterious "Uncle William", his personal contribution to the relationship of both youngsters, destined to live together but strangely distant.

"What do you say, George? Don't you think it is time you take a break?"

Albert's words awoke him from his silent meditation.

"I am afraid, sir", he retorted ironically, "that even if you have become a man, you are still worrying me. How could I leave you alone? I am in my best years. When you become a respectable married man and give us an heir, I will see if the time has arrived for those holidays you mention".

George didn't miss the absent expression of Albert, who seemed to resume his readings. He was determined to even ignite his anger, if that was the only way to help him. Since he had arrived to Lakewood he had hardly talked to anyone. He had preferred to give him some days of solitude to ruminate his affliction; nevertheless he considered the moment had arrived to take him out of his apathy. It saddened him deeply seeing him in that deplorable state.

"Don't tell me you haven't already set your eyes in any of those marriageable ladies that stalk you in Chicago".

The youngster answered with an expression particularly fierce and George feigned to smile amused_. So that is it_, he thought. _A love matter_.

"So well, who is she?", he inquired, but his question only resulted in a more stubborn silence. "It isn't necessary that you answer, sir. Your secretiveness is even more eloquent than any answer. Since the beginning I suspected your relation with Candy could only end in catastrophe".

His words had the desired effect and Albert left his pretended indifference.

"If you know more than me about my love life, George, I don't see the point of continuing talking about this topic".

_At least I have managed to make him get involved and unload his frustration_, George thought. He stood up and for a moment remained in silence. He could perceive, with the clarity that the fact knowing someone gives, that Albert felt badly hurt and, something more important, he was immensely unhappy. He had always been too generous for his own sake, excessively aware of people's feelings to take care of his own. He was used to fight alone taking care of burdens that weren't his, oblivious to his very needs. He had to be very tactful if he didn't wish to deepen his wounds.

"I guess you have revealed your feelings to her and she has rejected you, am I right?"

Albert nodded with a gesture. It had never been easy for him talking about his feelings with anyone. Not even with George.

"And I ask you", George continued. "Is the world going to end because of that? If Candy is not able to close the doors to her past, it isn't worth it that you keep on fighting to conquer her affection, don't you think?"

The sincere concern of his friend changed Albert's attitude.

"I have been in love with her for longer than I can remember, George. She has poisoned my blood. How am I to forget her? I had the vain hope that once in Chicago, living together, after Grandchester's marriage; she would end up returning my feelings. But I have realized I was only lying to myself. Three days ago I opened an insuperable abyss between us. I knew she only saw me as an older brother and always tried to hide the growing intensity of my feelings from her; nevertheless, the other night… I don't know, George. I felt possessed by an anxiety that clouded my senses, breaking my self-control… I kissed her. You should have seen her face: fear, incomprehension, maybe even some repugnance. I felt like the vilest of men. My thoughts seemed to me completely unacceptable, even sinful. I ran away, George, I run away from her trying to soothe my conscience, nauseated by the image of myself she reflected, horrified for my behavior. I came here looking for some solace; I couldn't bear to face her again. I am a coward, George. Never till now, had I given her reasons to feel ashamed of our relationship, and now, now I can't forgive myself for what happened".

The older man approached Albert from his back. His bitterness awoke memories he thought deeply buried. He leaned his hands over Albert's shoulders as his eyes closed in a personal evocation of his past. Albert perceived the peculiar tension of his fingers and knew he was about to listen to a confession. George had always been reserved and introverted, rarely fond of sharing his feelings.

"Maybe I could share something with you to help you overcome your pain… And you could ask now why I dare to give you any advice when my own life seems so empty, when I never married nor shared my life with any female…"

Albert was about to protest but George interrupted him.

"Allow me continue, sir. What I am going to say doesn't seem easy, especially because it is you."

George breathed heavily, trying to find the courage. His jaws tensed.

"… When your father gave me shelter, I was a vagabond, a rascal, an orphan without a proper home that merely survived stealing. Without means, without education; I don't recall my parents. The only life I knew was the life of the streets and the one of my uncle's hut, an unhealthy place where battering and abuse where daily currency. I thank God that evening of June I chose your father as my victim, and even more that your father pitied me and brought me to the States with him, decided to mend my ways… It seems all the Andrews are destined to take the most unfortunate under your wings…"

His voice died momentarily and a smile curved his beautiful lips, which no longer were shaded under his former moustache.

"When I arrived to Chicago everything seemed fascinating to me, modern, wonderful. It was like living a dream… but of course, I was determined not to tell your father. I was too proud and ill-mannered to admit my good luck and thank him. I preferred to appear before him like an enraged victim, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to stop my tears of happiness. However, I wasn't prepared to face the biggest of the gifts that awaited me in my new life".

George swallowed hard. His mouth was dry and his heart beat out of control inside his chest, memories so vivid that he could nearly touch them with his fingers.

"The day I met her, all my existence changed. I was ten years old, she was only six, but she was the sweetest, prettiest, most charming girl I had ever met. She was like the incarnation of an angel. As soon as I got a glimpse of her for the first time, I knew I wanted to become a man able to win her heart, someone able to live up to her wildest dreams, to protect her, to make her smile. Since then, improving before her eyes, trying to wake up in her some affection became my ultimate aspiration… If I had been sure of that while we were both children, as we both grew up, the wish that she could be the woman of my life became a certainty. Pauna became my passion, and my love for her, with the passing of time, only could grow and mature.

Albert listened in silence, unexpressive under the attentive older man's gaze, whose fists clenched bitterly.

"I never knew if she shared my feelings. I know she had some affection for me; she loved me like an older brother. She cared for me, teased me, played with me… But I never dared to confess my true feelings to her. When you were born, she was only thirteen years old, while I was seventeen. We were too young to face that responsibility in your father's absence. Soon after, your mother, Lady Beatrice, died; she was a warm and delicate female, her death left us in the most complete desolation. Pauna always had a fragile health, and that only aggravated her state. Hannah took care of all of you while I studied in Harvard, as your father had disposed. The illusion to become a proud man, well educated, far away from the misery of my childhood, worthy of Pauna, kept burning inside my heart, pushing me forward. Unfortunately during those years she met Robert Brown, the young heir of a privateer, and both fell in love. She barely was eighteen years old and he twenty-two when they married. I discreetly pushed myself into the background, suffering in silence. I convinced myself that it was enough for me being by her side, acting like an older brother for her… but I lived a hell, sir. Robert was continuously sailing and she languished, sighing for his return every night. I kept on living in the mansion in Chicago, though she had moved to Robert's house, a few miles away, when she married. Imagining her there, lonely, filled me with sadness. Sometimes she came for a visit with you both and I could nearly imagine nothing had changed between us, that she was free still, that I could keep my hopes for her alive. I remember her looking at me with that especial sparkle in her eyes, as if she had guessed what I tenderly hid deeply in my heart…"

George took a step aside, his voice deeper, his gaze lost in the distance.

"The day she left us, the light disappeared from my life and my soul was buried along with her body. I was thirty years-old, she was only twenty-six. I had spent half of my life adoring her in silence and she had disappeared forever".

Tears fought to roll down his cheeks but with a supreme effort of his will, George managed to stop them.

"I understand you, sir, better than I wish I did. At least you were brave enough to admit your love in front of Candy. I will always live with the doubt. If these years have taught me something is that life goes on, despite everything. And that hearts are cured even of the deepest wounds. The world is full of excellent women able to love with the full intensity of their hearts. You can't, you shouldn't live tied up to the past. You must give yourself the opportunity of finding happiness. And I swear, you aren't the only one. I do try myself too. With all my strengths".

During the silence that followed, none of them uttered a single sound, both focused on their thoughts.

"George", said Albert at last, "It would have been a real honor to have had you as my brother in law. I couldn't think of a better man".

George couldn't avoid smiling, his eyes full of affection.

"Do as I say, sir. Forget Candy. It is absurd languishing for a hopeless love".

Albert stood up. He diverted his gaze towards the window and realized it had stopped raining. The sun rays tried to trespass shyly the dark clouds that started to dissipate.

"Have you seen George? What a magnificent day despite everything! They say that after the hardest and saddest winter it always comes a placid spring, and it is true".

George approached him and stared at the magnificent view. All the vegetation seemed revived and the beautiful colors shone brilliantly in the clarity of the morning.

"Have you decided already when you are going back to Chicago, sir?"

Albert stretched lazily.

"I am thinking to stay in Lakewood at least for one more week. I need to finish the organization of my trip and reserve my ticket in the Lady Louisa".

George turned to face him.

"Then, when do you think I should inform Candy of the last arrangements you have taken concerning Lakewood?"

Albert raised his eyebrow.

"I would be thankful, my friend, if that could be done as soon as possible. When this is solved, nothing more will retain me in Chicago".

The older man pressed lightly Albert's arm in a supportive gesture before leaving the chamber. Once alone, Albert sat again, trying to concentrate in the readings he had pending. After talking to George, he felt his heart had been freed from a burden that not long ago seemed infinitely heavy. Thanks to him he had finally realized it didn't have any sense sighing for an impossible love, for a woman that only sheltered brotherly feelings towards him and who, in the remote case that started loving him, would always be obsessed by a love lost in her adolescence. He had struggled so much to make her forget the past, to open her soul to a new life, to the future that brilliantly unfolded in front of their eyes! But reproaches were senseless, nor towards her, neither towards him. He had to give himself a chance to start again, to be happy, and to start a new life in which nothing anchored him to the past.

He was sure he would overcome the nostalgia. He trusted his own strengths to overcome the pain. He had started to control it already, and he knew that with time it would vanish little by little… forever. For the first time in many years he was able to picture a new horizon without Candy's presence.

©Rosa Carmona 2001


	8. A Man, A Dream

**CHAPTER EIGHT: A MAN, A DREAM**

A gust of wind beat him furiously, lifting up the plaids of his kilt and shamelessly revealing his strong and muscled legs which tightened against the flanks of his mount. As if meant to be a signal, his hands, of long and firm fingers, took the reins confidently, urging his horse to a wild gallop amidst the naked and wide plain that unfolded, unsubmissive, before his eyes.

The speed he reached barely allowed him to breathe, but the sensation of freedom that invaded his soul paid back for the dangerous ride. He felt his figure cutting through the air, each cell of his body was in tension, his whole self whipped into a frenzy by the effort: his cheeks blushing due to the exercise, his agitated breathing, his gaze shining and fervidly focused on the horizon, full of that deep delight of the one that enjoys the present without thinking of the future, thirsty of the instant moment, vibrating intensively with each heartbeat.

Fast centaur, two beings: man and animal, building up a sole entity, composing a beautiful picture full of sensuality, virility and energy. The hooves the stud echoed the rhythmical pant of the horseman; the muscles of both bodies carved against the sunshine, sweaty from the intensity of the ride; a smile in the dashing male's face reverberating in a funny grimace on the lips of the beast.

_I am feeling alright… At last, I am feeling alright. Free. As a white sheet, virgin, ready to be rewritten… Life is too precious a gift to be left to waste. I don't have any right to be defeated by affliction. I have to be strong; I have to fight for my own happiness. I need to have faith in myself. If my dreams are strong enough, they will end up becoming true. And I will be able to touch the stars with my fingertips…_

The sun rays of noontime blinded his vision momentarily. He backed away the animal till it reached a martial trot, and caressed the auburn mane with his expert hands, trying to calm the horse down as he peered into the distance. Before his eyes stood thousands of acres which were dedicated to sheepherding. Further away he distinguished fields kept for grain farming. Cornfields shone as they were illuminated by the sun, as jewels exposed in the open to be admired by any attentive eye. Albert sighed with pleasure, charmed by the beauty of the scene. He considered himself a mundane man, a thirsty traveler, but in the depths of his heart he knew that he could never love any place more than that piece of land of Michigan…

William H. Andrew the first, his ancestor, had been a youngster full of dreams and projects who abandoned his native Scotland in the mid seventeenth century to find the American Dream of the first pilgrims. Nevertheless he had never been able to forget his homeland, the wild and abrupt Highlands where he was born. The love for the land and the characteristic Scottish pride were his legacy to his descendants, and William A. Andrew, wasn't an exception.

His thirst for freedom, his rebel spirit, and his inadequacy to adapt to pre-established rules were but a reflection of the indomitable soul of his predecessors.

"How do you think Congo will be, Godo?" he questioned his young stud with a smile as he dismounted. "I have read a lot about that land. It is said to be a land of contrasts, where the dryness of the savanna combined with the bright presence of thick and exotic forests; a land where sudden rain showers can turn a desert into a paradisiacal orchard; a place where, each sunset, the sun slopes surrounded by polychromatic lights and where the mythical Green Ray of Scottish legends can be seen grazing the crowns of the trees just at that ephemeral instant when the golden star disappears under the horizon".

The horse stomped in answer as the rider gave some tender pats on his loins. It was then he realized the animal wasn't accustomed to such rides, and not wanting to abuse him, decided to make a stop before continuing towards the Westons Villa. He had been invited to attend a hunt held to celebrate Montgomery's older daughter's engagement, and despite the fact that attending social events wasn't listed in his plans, he had felt obligated to accept so as not to offend his old tutor and friend.

Taking Godo by the reins, he walked by his side till he found some shelter under the thick branches of a solitary tree. Albert let Godo gnaw some scattered herbs as he dried his sweaty flanks. For a brief moment he felt the gaze of the animal fix on him, his intelligent eyes expressing a mute message of trust, flooding him with the kind of warmth he hadn't felt since his beloved Ruano died.

Clouded by a nostalgic sensation, the youngster leant his face against the neck of the animal feeling his powerful heartbeat.

"You are a noble beast, Godo", he whispered.

The ears of the horse moved towards the direction of his voice and for a moment stood up, as if filled by some strange understanding. Albert tickled the horse just under the bit and slipped a lump carrot into Godo's mouth, which was received with a delightful neigh. The animal was only three years old, but he was vigorous and had been well trained by Archie, who often visited Lakewood for that purpose. Albert always refused to acquire mounts for himself and the three that occupied the stables of Lakewood belonged to his nephew.

Having finished caressing the horse's neck, he examined the surroundings, trying to locate his position and route. His sharp observation skills led him to discover a familiar hillock behind which, if his memory didn't betray him, he would find a path leading directly to his destination. Relieved, he sat down.

To celebrate such occasion at the Westons he had decided to wear the traditional Andrew garments, and now he doubted it had been a good idea. He felt oppressed by the heat. Mrs. Parsons, the governess, had taken great pains to keep all the clothing pieces impeccable even if he hadn't worn them for a year. Last time had been on occasion of the Mass that was celebrated each year for Stear and Anthony.

The young man unzipped his jacket and took off his sweaty shirt, then lazily, layed down with his hands behind his nape. His slightly tanned face made the magnificent magnetic blue of his eyes shine; his eyebrows, long and obscure, gave him an angelic expression only modified by the sensuality of his lips, full and fleshy, folded into a half smile, fascinating and seductive.

Despite his slenderness, all his muscles had gotten a rotund definition over the last days as, besides studying, he had spared some time to prepare physically for his projected trip. Riding, swimming, athletics, climbing… He had practiced those sportive disciplines during his life and had resumed his training. His first experience in the African continent had taught him the importance of physical condition for survival on hostile conditions.

_On my first trip to Africa I rarely dared to abandon the research community I lived into. I feared a lot for my own safety, for the people who depended on me. This time it will be different. I have solved all my issues and if something happened to me… Well, if something happened, nobody would be gravely damaged because of my absence._

Albert had stopped fooling himself and had started to face reality, dispassionately, especially after his conversation with George, who had restored his confidence in the possibilities of his new horizons. The idea of separation, as days passed by, seemed less traumatic and painful. The years he had passed loving Candy seemed an evanescent illusion nowadays. Somehow, Candy's infatuation for Terry no longer bothered him. She was an adult, capable of making her own decisions. If her choice was to resign herself to live eternally wallowed in her dreams, he could do nothing to prevent it.

Candy had stopped being his pupil. Thinking about the past he felt that, more than once, he had meddled in her life even without her needing him, what is more, without her request. He had believed to be able to guess her needs, to know her better than herself, but he was completely mistaken. He had reached a point where he doubted that his influence on her on the last times had been really beneficial. He had to set her free. Not only for her own sake, also for his. He had taken a long time to realize she was independent; she was already ready to live her life without interferences. Now he had the opportunity to mend this mistake. Both were ready to start again separately.

Despite the fact he had planned his trip mainly considering that the distance could help him forget his feelings, circumstances had revealed him that separation was the only way out for both. They had reached a point of no return. Things could never return to how they were in the past. It was futile pretending the opposite. Each of them had to take its own path and try to find happiness.

He had already taken the necessary legal measures to guarantee her a substantial income, by transferring her, for example, the property of Lakewood and its neighborhood. Even though he loved the house and its forests, it was a place full of painful memories, many of them attached to her. It was nothing but fair that she became the owner of the land that had meant so much to her. He could always return to the hunter's hut, as he still maintained its ownership.

For a while, he remembered old Miss Pony and charming Sister Mary's happy expressions when he visited them to share the news. The last important wealth transference that remained before his departure: the construction of a new and modern House for Orphans with the most updated innovations plus the creation of a Children's Hospital nearby.

_Candy, I sincerely hope one day you can find true happiness. I couldn't manage to erase the scars in your heart as I had wished, but I believe I have managed to give you some aim to live for. I know that focusing your efforts in a project that fills you with enthusiasm will be the best medicine. I am sure that a day, not far away, that special man with whom you can share everything will come to your life. And he will make your smile return forever…_

Contrary to what he expected, he didn't feel the slightest hint of jealousy when his mind evoked that image. He knew he would be happy for her when she found happiness again, even if that meant he would find it with someone else. He felt his soul was healing. Very soon he would be ready to go back to Chicago and face her without remorse.

* * *

The Weston's summer residence was cozy and had a familiar atmosphere. The entrance led to a paved path, by whose sides grew flower beds and fruit trees that gave nice shadow in the hottest evenings. In the distance, a pond surrounded by rosebuds stood out, near which they had built a magnificent window balcony, heir of the Victorian style, from which one could admire the valley over which it stood, solemn and protective.

The main entrance to the villa was open and Albert, slave to habits, entered without announcing himself. Monty wasn't a friend of formalisms and used to hold meetings that had nothing in common with the pomposity of the Chicago gatherings. The inside of the house was decorated with exquisite taste.

"Welcome", the old man greeted him in the distance. As soon as he saw Albert, he walked hurriedly towards him and gave him a warm embrace.

Albert showed a wide smile and returned the gesture effusively.

"The pleasure is entirely mine," he replied with sincerity, "especially on such a joyous occasion like this one. I don't know what you are going to do with your life when you three daughters marry, Monty. You are going to miss terribly your role as a chaperone."

"Of course not, my boy", his host joked as he took Albert by the arm and led him to the principal chamber. "But I won't deny that it is very hard raising three beauties with all the pampering of the world and letting some other steal them from your household. I am sure that Melissa won't take too long at the time of following the steps of her older sister… At least, Cecilia is still too young to realize there are better men than his dad".

Monty and Albert both entered into a wide room filled with luminosity where small groups of people chatted lively. Albert discovered some known faces and prepared some easy answers in his mind for some of the formal questions he didn't doubt people would pose to him. Though his trip to Africa hadn't been officially announced, he knew the news had been filtered around among certain circles. As much as he loathed conventionalisms, he couldn't forget he was the head of one of the most influential families of the country and that the success of the family businesses depended a great deal on his efficiency as a public relations agent.

Nearly all the guests wore elegant and comfy riding clothes, heirs of the British fashion. Top hats lined with black velvet, sober long jackets and tight pants, the men; elegant berets adorned with pheasant feathers, waisted bolero jackets and long cotton skirts patterned with joyful Scottish checks, the women.

Monty was about to introduce him to an important ship-owner from Saint Francisco when a vivacious feminine appearance jumped and hugged his neck.

"Albert! Albert! You have come! I am so happy to see you again!"

He took her by the waist and spun around.

"Is this not little Melissa! As impulsive as always!"

She moved away from him, annoyed and sulky, as her father witnessed them both, amused.

"I am not _little_ Melissa anymore, Albert… I am eighteen years old already. I am a woman, if you hadn't noticed… What is more, you didn't attend my coming-out. I feel really disappointed with you".

He winked at her and lifted her chin with his hand.

"Now that you mention it… It is true you aren't a child anymore", he observed her with a thoughtful expression.

You have a new pair of funny wrinkles".

She sighed loudly and stepped backwards, seeming angry.

"You are impossible, Albert".

He answered with a gallant smile that emphasized the beauty of his appearance and she knew she could be able to forgive him everything.

"Daddy, may I steal him from you for a while?" she asked with her honeyed accent, sure of her dad's answer." I would like to play the hostess for Albert. It is time I already prove to him that I am no longer the child he remembered".

Without waiting for any answer, she took him by his arm and nearly dragged him. He could only shrug and ask for Monty's forgiveness before he was swallowed into her hurly-burly.

Enthusiastic to cause a good impression on him, she displayed all her charms as she kept on introducing him to all the guests, the majority were disconnected from the fashion social circles of Chicago. There were some old gentlemen, intimate friends of the Westons, a group of Monty's daughters´ young admirers and some close female friends of both the girls, Laura and Melissa. He was relieved she was introducing him as an old friend of the family, rather than as the Andrew's heir. Despite that, he was convinced that before the day ended, his lineage would be guessed and he would be condemned to witness more than a dozen languid and suggestive glances from most of the females at marriageable age.

George was right. He should find someone to share his life with to avoid those hateful situations. Being a famous millionaire, finding candidates wasn't that hard, but meeting one that could fall in love with the person rather than with the fortune seemed rather odd. He guessed the only alternative was marrying with a female as rich as him, or not marrying at all.

He was talking with Laura Weston and her fiancé, congratulating them both, when someone pulled his sleeve, diverting his attention.

"Hey! Why are you using that strange skirt? You are a boy, right?"

Albert looked down and met a beautiful small person that observed him in marvel with her radiant green eyes. He recognized her immediately, Cecilia Weston.

"I believe we haven't been formally introduced yet, have we?" he answered all serious as he knelt down before her. "My name is Albert, but who is this charming lady with whom I have the pleasure to be talking to?"

The child, proud to be treated in equal terms by an adult, smiled brightly towards him, "I am Cecilia Weston, and I am eight years old. How do you do?" she bowed formally to him.

"How do you do, Miss Weston? It is always delightful to meet ladies so charming at a party", he answered kissing her hand.

The child couldn't avoid a shriek of immense pleasure. With his words, Albert had just won in her heart, the prize as the most sympathetic, good-looking and attentive gentleman of the party. She was determined to make him her partner at the party, fighting the rest of the ladies if necessary.

"Would you like to come to see my pony? Her name is Lucille and she was born two months ago. Daddy doesn't allow me to ride her yet, he says she is still too young to bear my weight", she invited him excitedly as she kept on pulling his sleeve.

"Don't be impolite, Cecilia", Laura pointed out. "Stop bothering our guests. It would be best if you were with your governess. She must be worried looking for you".

The child wrinkled her nose as she listened to her sister´s harsh words, and tried to hold her weeping. Tears fought to escape her eyelids and not wishing anybody to see her, ran away without looking back.

_I hate her. She thinks she is the most important because she is going to get married. Everybody has to be paying attention to her, and to her only. I am sick of her. I hate her. I hate her. I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was only asking Albert about his skirt. She is foolish, foolish, foolish_.

Cecilia hid her face in her hands when she realized she couldn't hold her tears any longer. She was somewhere in the garden. She was still running and couldn't see the path clearly. Finally she stopped, her breathing irregular, exhausted.

"You are very fast being this little…"

The masculine voice startled her, she turned around so quickly that she almost tripped over. Albert took her in his arms.

"I don't know why you have made me run this fast. Weren´t we going to visit Lucille?" he smiled handing her a handkerchief.

She took it and dried her tear stained face.

"Shall we?" he offered her his hand.

Cecilia didn't make Albert beg again and led him to the stables. For when they arrived, she had already regained her good humor and happy talk. As they entered, she released her hand and ran towards one of the boxes. When he reached her, Albert was shocked by the strange odor that filled the atmosphere. The foal was a beauty but her eyes had an odd yellowish tone and her lips poured some dense slobber.

Unaware of these details, the child brought the animal some oats, that she refused, surprising her.

"How strange! She always has a good appetite."

Albert knew the symptoms and he knew they weren't favorable, but he was afraid to scare her.

"Don't worry Cecilia, it is just that she is frightened because she doesn't know me. How about if we leave her alone and come back in a while?"

The child accepted his explanations without further questioning and they both went back. Some hors d'oeuvres were being served and she got distracted. Albert took his leave and tried to find Monty in a hurry.

_That animal is really sick. Something must be done before it is too late,_ he was thinking.

"Mr. Andrew, what a pleasant surprise!" he heard someone addressing him.

He barely turned to face the owner of that voice; he muttered something as a greeting and kept on walking. His mind was somewhere else, focused on determining the best way to alleviate the sick creature. The concern in his face was evident to Monty who, excusing himself before the guests that were with him, took Albert aside.

"I am sorry for interrupting you, Monty… but I think this matter requires immediate attention".

The older man looked at him without understanding.

"Cecilia showed me her pet at the stables a while ago. I think you should call a vet… It is urgent!"

"That is impossible! That animal receives the best attention. My daughter adores her, she is devoted to her", Monty answered with a serious frown.

"You know I wouldn't alarm you if it wasn't necessary. If you want that horse to live overnight, do as I say. I will take care of the foal. Meanwhile, try to get your daughter to stay away from the stables for a while".

On his way back, he stopped to ask the maids for some towels and a washbowl full of warm water. He took everything to the box and stayed there, waiting. The foal was hidden in a corner, nervous, intimidated by the stranger's presence. Her dark fur was humid due to her strong perspiration, her short mane dirty and disheveled…

He took off his jacket, rolled up his sleeves with very slow movements and started talking soothingly, keeping his distance.

"Hello Lucille, I am Albert… I have come to take care of you… Easy girl, easy… I am not going to harm you", he murmured gently.

The quiet tone of his voice soothed the animal to the point of leaving the corner where she had taken shelter, but she kept on maintaining a considerable distance. Her gasps were more intense and Albert deduced she had difficulty breathing. She could keep her glassy eyes open with lots of effort, focused on nearby objects in an awkward way, as if her vision got clouded. At the same time her limbs swung indecisive, in a persistent effort to find balance.

Albert knew her wellbeing depended upon the fact of starting treating her immediately, but he feared at the same time that if he forced her to accept his attentions roughly, her nervousness added to her unstable physical condition, could drive her to a dangerous shock.

It was then when the words echoed in his mind, words he believed buried, words he had consigned to oblivion, knowing his fate was nowhere near what he desired.

"_You have a gift, young healer…"_

The deep voice, of strange accent, reverberated in his mind as if those words had just been pronounced. Wrinkled face, toothless jaws, dark skin. Naked torso furrowed with scars, skinny legs and that glance… Above all, the glance. Albert didn't remember having ever seen such expressive eyes, so intense, in his whole life. Eyes, so human, so full of knowledge and understanding.

"_Inside yourself, there beats some extraordinary potential… You must learn to develop it, it will keep growing inside of you"_

His first trip to Africa, the group of scientists, and his first victim: a crippled baby elephant that he couldn't save from Death. The guilt he felt was unbearable. He had failed. That is why he had left the project, enlisted in the Army and left Africa… despite that man's words. He had never remembered them. It was strange he was doing now.

"_Call your inner self, find its essence, look for yourself inside the creature and, when you have done so, she will recognize a messenger…"_

He had never thought of that man and his words. He had kept on studying the animal world but he had never tried to heal again. And if the foul died? That old man had told him he was a healer, but Albert could have never believed him.

_I am just a scholar, that is all…_

Nevertheless he had shown bravery in front of that lion in Chicago, when Candy's life had been in danger.

"_Face your concerns, overcome your fear, let your energy flow…"_

Dongo, that was the lion's name. He had tried to find an answer in his soul and he had found it. That time he had been successful. But healing, healing? Would he dare to? Could he accept defeat? Was he ready to accept Death?

Albert closed his eyelids and concentrated deeply. He searched avidly inside himself and found some spare energy he didn't think to possess. He had to be brave. He had to risk it… If not, he could never start again… and he would never attain his dreams.

_Fear kills the mind. Fear is the little death that consumes the spirit in slow compasses interweaved in an inexorable vortex._

_Fear kills the mind…_

_Kills the mind…_

He imagined an empty place, with no shapes or colors, shut to emotions and anxieties from the outer world, hermetic to sounds and movements… a place where he felt at complete ease. A spiritual shrine full of light and serenity in which he recreated two figures: his, as a current of water flowing warm and smooth, and that of young Lucille, that he perceived as a distant and alien presence. He wished to come nearer and saw himself in the shape of that current, streaming through some imaginary riverbed in her direction, each second quicker, each second nearer. As he approached her, he felt coldness invading his soul, hurling him into some dark abyss that seemed to drown him, mercilessly. He anchored himself to some soothing energy emanating from his core, avoiding getting absorbed by that mixture of chaos and emptiness. He tried to share it with the somber being that he was surrounding, and felt it transfiguring and opening frankly towards him. Then he sent some calming thoughts that dissipated the obscurity and suddenly came within the creature that shared with him his own nature.

He was driven to a wide prairie where a herd of mustangs was grazing peacefully, where mares looked after her babies as a single stud watched out ready to face any danger. He felt himself as part of that community, sharing the same instincts and aims. He knew Lucille was guiding him through her genetic memories, showing him that scene which gave a meaning to her own nature and dictated her racial behavior…

He had communed with her nature, and now he was ready to help her…

* * *

Jolie McPherson felt deeply humiliated when Albert passed by without even noticing her presence.

_But who does he think he is? He has no right to treat me so unkindly. Why has he ignored me, why is he so inconsiderate? He was extremely attentive to me at the party. Why has he pretended not to recognize me now? Maybe because I was too bold with him when we first met?_

Melissa Weston turned to her guest, but the funny comment that she thought of didn't cross her lips when she noticed that her intended listener was completely absorbed in her own thoughts, and was not paying any attention. Angry at first, after a momento of calming herself, she agreed that it was not in her interest antagonizing with the Newyorker. Having Jolie McPherson as a friend increased her own prestige in Chicago and she didn't want to lose her favor by some nonsense.

"Jolie," she whispered in her mellifluous voice. "The riding suit that you've chosen today looks really good. You don't know how glad I am that you could attend today's small family celebration".

Jolie seemed to wake up when she noticed the poke in her hand.

"Sorry, Melly, I think I was distracted for a moment. What were you were saying?"

Melissa gave her a smirk. "Nothing important, Jo. Only that I'm glad you're here today."

Jolie took her by the shoulders and gave her a light hug. "The pleasure is all mine. You know that I have little time living in Chicago, and yet I could not make any true friends. Having your friendship is very precious to me."

The Weston girl kissed Jolie's cheek exhibiting the sweetest one in her catalogue of smiles. _If you only knew, _she thought. She did not quite believe Jolie was so naive, so worldly and so innocent at the same time_. Poor thing. Even some surprises still await you in Chicago._

"I noticed that Albert Andrew left the house a while ago. Isn't he going to participate in the hunt?"

Jolie's questions always used to be straightforward. Melissa noted that although Jolie pronounced every word with absolute indifference, a faint flush stained her cheeks ever so slightly, revealing her true vulnerability.

_So you like our beloved Albert. How interesting! _Melissa's face was the picture of naivete_. You're not the first and I fear that you will not be the last. Many women have fallen in love with him since I've known him, but he only has eyes for Candy. Poor Albert! The only woman he has ever loved and the only one that does not return his feelings. It would be even funny if it wasn't so pathetic..._

"Oh, Albert? I don't think he has gone far. He just arrived." Melissa feigned.

Jolie looked thoughtful for a moment.

"Is he engaged to marry by any chance?" she asked with total absence of emotion, only her dark eyes widened, heightening the intensity of her gaze.

Melissa could not help but find funny Jolie's efforts to keep her interest concealed. She replied with equal nonchalance.

"No, but…" she put her lips to her companion's ear, as if to reveal a secret confidence, "some say he will never commit himself to anyone until he can forget his feelings for his pupil, Candice Andrew".

_Candice? The petite, green-eyed girl in whose honor was held that party in the Andrews mansion? But I saw how she kissed Terrence Grandchester, the actor, in the gardens... I do not understand._

The beautiful dark eyes seemed to be illuminated by a strange light. She felt confused. On one hand, she wanted to convince Albert to take her with him on his expedition, she wanted him to swallow his stupid pride and machismo, because she was sure that they were the only reasons for his opposition even though he denied it. She wanted to slap him for having been ignored... but on the other hand, she wanted... wanted... She couldn't even admit it to herself. She wanted those noble blue eyes to look at her as if she was the only woman on earth, wanted to hear that strong voice calling her name with affection, she wanted... Damn! Could she be falling for him? They hadnt exchanged more than a few words... Then, why was she so concerned that he could be in love with Candice? Why did she want to know if he was committed to anyone?

She had thought much about him since that party. In fact she hadn't been able to get him out of her mind. There was the business trip to Congo, but... He also intrigued her. Perhaps too much. If she could convince him to take her with him, would her increasing attraction for him interfere in their work together? She didnt know, but she wanted to risk it.

Many people thought that Jolie was a bold woman, carefree, confident. Only she knew that in reality it was a pose, a mask behind which she found refuge. Deep in her heart, she was shy, too shy, especially when it came to showing her true feelings to others. She hated being injured and so, she had built a defensive armor around that isolated her from any emotional pain. Very few were able to cross that barrier. Real Jolie was unknown to almost everyone.

She turned around trying to hide her face from Melissa, knowing that at that very instant she felt very vulnerable. She knew that the only thing that united the two of them was their mutual interest and Jolie was not fooled by the false affection shown to her. She was sure that if Melissa came to discover Albert was more than a caprice for her, she could turn her life into a living hell.

In an attempt to buy time to restore her inner calm, Jolie left the young schemer with the first excuse that came to her mind. She strolled around the room and stared absently at the gardens. Even if random guests tried to include her in some casual conversations, she took little in and heard even less. All her thoughts were on the pending return of Albert.

Jolie couldn't help but overhear a conversation between Laura Weston and her father, who stood slightly apart from the rest of the guests. Although the tone was quiet and hardly went beyond a few whispers, she could catch a few snippets of their dialogue.

"...Albert... lunch... is beginning."

"...Cecilia's foul... the veterinarian... You know how Albert is."

Jolie did not need to hear more. Suddenly all her doubts took on a whole new meaning. How unfairly she had judged him!

_He is a good and generous man. He had no intentions whatsoever of offending me. He was just worried about that poor animal._

Suddenly, all the pieces of the puzzle were perfectly clear in her mind. If Albert Andrew was dealing with a sick animal, it was her chance to show him that she could be valuable to him as an assistant! Jolie tried to leave the room as quietly as she could and despite the fact that every fiber in her body was as taut as harp strings, she managed pretty well. Once out of the room she immediately spotted a maid, she ran to her and asked for the location of the stables.

"Follow me, Miss," the maid replied, "I am on my way there. Mr Andrew has asked me to take this bucket of hot water and several towels to him".

Jolie nodded. Suddenly an idea hit upon her! She hoped for her voice to sound convincing.

"Actually, I'm Mr. Andrew's assistant. He is waiting for me and I think it's not necessary for both of us to go. How about if I carry all this over there? I'm sure you must be very busy with the rest of the guests."

The maid looked at her for a moment, showing hesitancy. However, Jolie's profuse assertion of who she was finally convinced her. She nodded as she extended her arms towards Jolie and tranfered the load. Jolie waited for the maid to leave and made sure no one saw her, she turned and following the maid's directions soon came to the stables.

You could say that Montgomery Weston knew how to take care of his animals. The place was impeccably clean and well-organized. There was plenty of fresh hay and oats in each of the boxes. And above all, lots of space. It offered shelter not only to the family's horses, but also to the whole lot brought by the guests.

Jolie hated all those past-time amusements in which living creatures were mistreated, especially hunting, which had become a hallmark of class since the British had exported it to her country. Melissa had told her that at that time there would be no real hunt. There would be neither dogs nor live prey. It was more like an exercise in recreational sports in which no real damage would be inflicted to animals. That was the main reason why she had accepted the invitation in the first place. She was not considered a good rider, but had hoped to improve her skills. Unfortunately, back in Chicago there were little chances of riding.

The building was quiet. The animals seemed calm and her presence caused only the occasional pawing of hooves. She avoided making unnecessary noises as she looked over each compartment. Nothing broke the tranquility of the environment except for a slight whine at the bottom of one of the aisles. She walked stealthily and stopped before a half-opened door where the sound was more audible. She placed the bucket and towels down on one side. Hidden in the darkness she watched intently.

The cabin smelled of fresh feces and vomit. The hay of the horse's bed had lost its uniformity and was in complete disarray. Lying on the floor, in an antinatural pose, there was a very young foul. Her slender and fibrous body was experiencing violent spasms, but her eyes looked peaceful. Jolie was surprised at the odd reactions of the animal and the unusual understanding in her eyes, as if she knew and accepted the gravity of the fate she was facing.

Nearby, besides the foal, stood a motionless figure. His eyes distant, unattainable. The forehead, high and clear, was drenched in sweat. The wild hair, illuminated by a single beam of light coming into the room, shone brightly, as if crowned by a celestial halo.

Jolie felt intimidated by the picture she was witnessing. Both figures seemed to participate in some intimate communion, beyond any experience she had ever contemplated. She hardly dared to breathe, afraid of interrupting the fascinating spectacle that lay before her eyes.

…Then he turned to face her. Her eyes were captured by his, hers unable to break the link, and at the same time incapable of sustaining it.She trembled silently, fearing that he would scream at her for interfering. But he didn't. Albert smiled.

"Ms. McPherson." His words were barely a whisper, but she felt a warm wave enveloping her, welcoming her presence.

"Mr. Andrew." For a moment she dared no to speak any further, afraid that her voice could break the spell. "I... I brought the bucket of water and the towels you requested. I took the liberty..."

Albert silenced her with a wave of his hand. "No need to apologize. I'm glad you came. Your expertise will be very helpful to me." The young man paused as he looked carefully at her elegant attire. "But I fear that you will spoil your beautiful clothes..."

She cocked her head. She had been worried at first about the prospect of meeting him, afraid of her own reactions, but now that they were talking, she felt as comfortable as on the first time they had met. With him she felt free to behave in whatever way, to show boldness, mischievousness or audacity. Somehow she felt she did not need masks in his presence. If she had thought that his attractiveness could intimidate her, she had been wrong.

"No more than yours are already," she said, amused. "It is such a shame to have messed this beautiful Scottish kilt. It looks great on you."

Albert stretched his stiff muscles as he burst in laughs that spread to both.

"Ms. McPherson, you are one of the most candid people I've ever met! And I must confess that this is a quality I admire in a woman. Every time we talk I find in you something new I like."

She looked at him relaxed. If ever there had been some tension between them, it certainly had disappeared now as if by magic.

"You can give me a hand but I refuse to dirty your attire. What do you suggest we do then?" he asked.

She thought for a moment before answering.

"Do not worry, I have an idea." she said and disappeared back out of sight.

Albert watched Jolie as she ran off towards the direction of the house. While he waited he busied himself by bringing clean hay into the box and removing the old. He had asked the stable boys to be left alone with the sick horse, and therefore the responsibility lay with him to keep it neat. Half an hour had passed since Monty had been alerted and Albert assumed that it would not be too long before the veterinarian arrived.

He felt elated. Full of some new confidence in himself. That old man had been right. He had managed to banish his fear and had become fully aware of his own potential. He should not fear Death nor hate it if it claimed its victim. But he had the obligation to do everything in his power to reject it. The final decision rested with fate. Unavoidable. But he should not ever stop fighting. Never.

His spirit had come in close contact with that one of the animal, sharing its nature, soothing it. Once Albert had banished his and the animal's fears, he had managed to stabilize the foal's weakened state by rubbing her skin with warm towels. There was nothing more that he could do as he lacked the proper equipment, however the state of the foul had improved substantially.

_Thank you, God. Thanks for having given me the courage I needed. _

Albert was so concentrated in his prayer, he didn't realize Jolie was back.

", you are all dirty now. Why havent you waited for me?".

He emerged from his silence and shrugged with indifference. "Do not worry, it's only a few stains and it can be easily cleaned". Then he realized the change of clothing on her. "Oh, I see that menswear suits you wonderfully."

Jolie couldn't help but blush. She knew that the clothes she had borrowed were far too big for her. In fact they were some of Mr. Weston's old clothing, kept by the maids in the attic in order to donate to Charity at a later time. She therefore had to tuck her shirt and pants together. It somewhat made her look like a frog huntress. If she had ever had a real desire to look attractive, that moment was now. But instead, she appeared ugly and ungainly before him.

"You look very funny, really." he said turning his face away, trying restrain his laughter.

"That's all I could find. Now it's your turn to laugh." the girl paused for a moment before continuing in a prudish tone. "And you need not compose yourself. I shall have revenge once you get changed."

Smiling, Albert moved to an empty box holding the clothes she had brought for him.

_That girl is really intriguing. So sophisticated and yet so simple at the same time, audacious and demure at once. Does she really have any knowledge on animals?_

Meanwhile, Jolie continued where Albert left off, placing warm compresses and rubbing Lucille's skin. When she had finished, she covered the horse with a clean blanket and sat on a stool nearby. She examined the foul carefully, trying to recall in her memory the knowledge about horses she had acquired at the Faculty. The foal's condition seemed stable, but given its young age, it could easily deteriorate if she wasn't treated effectively.

She was interrupted by a male voice, "I think they are a little small, but it will have to do for now."

She turned to Albert, ready to take her revenge, but her whole mood evaporated when her gaze rested on him. While she looked like a sack of potatoes, he had not lost one iota of his charm. The shirt was so fitted to his body that it marked each of the muscles of his chest. And the pants did nothing to disguise his shapely legs and athletic build. She looked away to prevent him from noticing her blush. She was feeling a tingling sensation in the pit of her stomach.

"I've been placing warm compresses on her" she said, trying to focus her mind on something different to the disturbing presence that approached her. "I think she is suffering from a chill that has been complicated by diarrhea". She spoke aloud her diagnosis, trying to make her voice sound mature, sterile and profesional, far away from her inner turmoil. "It is not a dangerous illness, but given her young age, could be fatal. She is still a baby and needs constant supervision."

Albert leaned towards her, unaware of the reactions his mere sight was causing in her. "I think the same. All we can do while waiting for the veterinarian is to keep her body temperature estable and avoid the fever to arise," he said, taking his hand in hers.

Her heart began to beat violently within her chest. For a moment she feared it could bolt.

"Thank you for offering to help. I will not forget this."

His voice was barely a whisper, but happiness filled her completely. The reactions he provoked in her were always agitating and stormy.

Within the next hour, they both worked elbow to elbow, strangely coordinated. They hardly spoke, but silence wasnt felt as a burden, rather as welcomed companion. When the specialist arrived, the foal was fast asleep, relaxed. After examining her and congratulating them both on their effective care, the vet personally took charge of the situation. Monty, who had accompanied him, begged them to return to the party. The man did not know how to thank them.

The time they shared had led them to establish a pleasant atmosphere of camaraderie, but Jolie knew that the feeling was as brittle and fragile as a dried reed. She wanted to ask him if he would reconsider his decision to take her as an assistant on his trip to Africa, but she feared the answer to be negative again. He had addressed her words of praise and she felt that he was comfortable in her presense, but she was also aware that the appreciation and harmony weren't reasons compelling enough to make him desist from his decision. He remained being the same mysterious, unfathomable man she had met at his party. Although his attitude was an example of courtesy, education and charm, he had built new barriers, new defenses that she had not noticed when she had first met him.

Jolie peered at him with the corner of her eyes as they walked back together. His face was unreadable.

_I must bring down those barriers. I must get him to admit me in his expedition. To achieve my aim, it is worth fighting, even suffering. I am willing to risk whatever, even if I have to lose everything. When the reward is so great, the bet must be too... However, he is so inaccessible. How can I reach him? How?_

Albert led her to the service door. There, the steward told them that lunch was over. The guests were preparing for the hunt. The young man stood a moment undecided, watching his once-elegant clothing hanging useless on his arm.

"Ms. McPherson," Albert said, "I am afraid that the evening is over for me. I have no decent clothes to wear for the event ahead. I hope Mrs. Parsons will not kill me when she sees the poor state of my attire when I return it."

Before she could respond, he reached out his hand and shook hers.

"Thank you for everything. Your help has been priceless. Rest assured that I will always remember your gesture... And do not worry about our hosts. They'll forgive me somehow".

_I can not let him go just like that. I have to talk to him. Explain ..._

However, before she had time to react, Albert had disappeared. She ran after him, but when she found him, she could only see his figure on horseback, dim on the horizon.

© Rosa Carmona 2001


	9. Sorrows

**CHAPTER 9: SORROWS**

_I read once again the few lines I have managed to write. The immaculate sheet languishes in front of my eyes, beating aggressively, urging me to stamp it with my illegible handwriting. Its whiteness strikes me. I am facing my own incompetence, those fears that tie a knot in my heart, blocking me, sinking me again into frustration. I stare at those brief sentences that, little by little, have conquered the virginity of the sheet contour. Now that I notice, they seem more like dark smudges spattering calmness, anarchic signs linked together to spoil even more a stormy scenery, the same as these feelings boiling inside of me._

_How many times have I tried to write to him before now? How many times have I chosen to abandon the idea, fearful of not knowing how to express in words the feelings that beat inside me? The same as on prior occasions, and I'm not surprised by it, the sheet ends up, wrinkled and slightly moist, along with the others... In a pile on my desk. The nervousness comes over me. I stretch my rebellious curls to impossible limits, trying to calm down, while I ask myself the same question over and over again: "When will he be back?"_

_I have been waiting for his return for more than three weeks, with no news after that brief note of farewell, with no hint of his state... I would have never believed that I would miss him so much, that I would expect his arrival with such anticipation. Before, he had always been by my side. Even through the distance, I always felt him keeping an eye on me. But now... Now everything is different. Everything has changed. Nothing will ever be the same again. And it has been my fault. I pretended to be a girl-woman for perhaps too long, oblivious to any feelings that were not mine, too absorbed in my own sorrows and frustrations as to notice those of others ... And Albert was so close ... So close as to make me deaf, blind and dumb to all that surrounded him. It was so easy to be a spoilt child, to turn to him every time I fell down! I had lived alone, responsible for my own life, for so many years that the fact that I had finally found a friendly hand on which I could rely all the responsibilities, clouded my perceptions without my noticing._

_Oh, Albert, Albert! What can I do to make you come back? Will you ever forgive my selfishness, my blindness? I feel the emptiness of your absence… A void that I can not fill in any way, though I try with all my strengths. I need to see you, explain to you, apologize... How is it possible that I have wounded so deeply one of the people I love the most in the world? It's hard to understand my own feelings, to draw a logical conclusion of my contradictions. I loved Terry. With desperation, passionate and almost deaf to nearly anything but duty. Why duty? When one loves truly, can we be defeated by something like duty? I guess not. When one loves too much, we fight until we exhaust all possibilities, instead of shutting ourselves in a world of impossibilities. I guess stupidity is sometimes disguised as kindness._

_Terry! A love that I kept on idealizing as it became something unattainable, without realizing all the pain it caused to those that surrounded me. Especially to you, Albert. I suppose maturity has taught me something as simple as that._

_Your absence makes me so sad, Albert. I long for your company, your advice, your presence. Anything is better than this silence, even a promise. Your departure hurts, lacking you hurts. I have never felt this distant from you. Not even when you went to Africa and I returned to USA. Although, back then, there was an ocean between us, deep down I sensed that your thoughts never left my side. But now something has been broken between us. As if we had lost something irretrievable... Have I missed out on such a valuable treasure, so precious, so special, that I have had to lose it before I could realize its value? I need you. Your warmth, your kindness, your smile. Could that be love? I miss you. Your words of encouragement, your optimism, your serene presence. Will that be love? Your image occupies my thoughts, our times together populate my memories. Is that love? Your absence is intolerable to me, I long for your company, with an anxiety that scares me. Have I just gotten used to you or is this hunger I feel a symptom of something deeper and more lasting?_

_Can feelings so different be the result of the same emotion? Is love always manifested as a devastating hurricane, violent and stormy? Is it possible that a quiet, protective friendship becomes a whirlwind of passion, a wild and ardent longing? Can the same feeling be shaped in such different forms: the awakening of the illusion during puberty, the fiery vehemence during adolescence and the quiet warmth of maturity? When I think of my life without Terry I feel a deaf void in my heart, a sensation of frustration beyond words, an insane hatred towards a destiny that so ruthlessly fought to separate us... However, if I honestly analyze the depth of that loss, I do not feel like it is something insurmountable. I can live with that pain, rebuild my life from that point of inflection, as I have been doing up to now, although I hadn't realized..._

_But... losing you, Albert, is like giving up a part of my own self, giving up memories that go back to my deepest roots... My childhood, when I first laid my eyes on Prince of the Hill; my puberty, when the mysterious Mr. Albert appeared and disappeared from my life to comfort me at difficult times; my early womanhood, when William Albert Andrew the fifth, received me as his protégé, friend and companion in his very own house._

_Is love only need? Do I need Albert? In which way do I love Albert? To love is to share and need but it is also to desire. Do I desire Albert? Am I capable of seeing him as a lover as well as friend and protector? If I could banish Terry's image completely from my thoughts, could I imagine Albert in his place: waking up my senses, longing for his touch, his caresses? Just thinking of it makes me blush... What does my reaction mean? Did I assign him a role when we first met? Would have I been able to live with him like we have for the past years had I not assigned it to him?_

_Albert loves me, he is in love with me. I would have never guessed. My feelings for Terry and my own social conventions prevented me from exploring that possibility. Albert has proved those feelings to be true. He has loved me for years, without my realizing it, blind due to my own personal conflicts and slave of my emotions._

_When you return, Albert... I... I... _

Candy's heart began trembling, thrilled at the prospect. Dreaming of that moment, anticipating the joy of the reunion, she felt flooded with new energies and hopes.

_Come back, Albert... Everything will be different. I promise._

She looked down at the sheet of paper and the few lines she had written. They acquired a new meaning under the light of her recent thoughts.

'Dear Albert, We all miss you in Chicago. Never any of your absences had been so long and silent. Come back soon. We await you eagerly. All my love, Candy.'

_Needless to say anything more. He knows me better than anyone. Upon his return, words won't be necessary any more. I'll show him that I have changed. That I am not the same Candy that I have been during these recent years: tortured by the past, longing for the impossible... I will make you happy, Albert. And you won't have to leave my side ever again._

"Miss Candy…"

"…"

"Miss Candy…"

Not hearing any reply, Madsen opened slightly the main office door and took a quick look inside. He immediately spotted the silouette of the girl, sitting with her back to the large window and facing the huge oak table that had served several generations of Andrews. Its size made her look tiny and fragile. Since Mr. Andrew had left the mansion, it was each day more frequent to see her in whichever of the rooms the master reserved for his own use, instead of in her private chambers.

Madsen frowned. The young lady had lost some weight and looked each day more emaciated. The master's leave hadn't had any positive outcome for anyone, and surely not for the girl, who had hardly left the house except to comply with her obligations at the hospital. The old man had been aware of the undercurrents that had continuously flowed between the two of them. Even if they had been invisible to others, he was already an old hound at those trials and had lived long enough to know that one day or another, despite the apparent calm that reigned in the house, the situation would eventually burst.

The master, hopelessly in love and compelled to fulfill his duties as a guardian, suffocating his feelings… The young lady, unable to define her own emotions, locked in her own labyrinth of passion... They weren't good times, no... But when had there been any good times for the Andrews? Lucky in world affairs, but unlucky in love... Deceased wives and daughters, unrequited feelings... Even wives eloping with actors, or so was told about the wife of the first Andrew that came to live to USA. No. Women were not a good thing for that family. They had not been in the past and would not be in the future. Madsen was convinced of that... _Time to time_, he said to himself, _time to time..._

The steward had not failed to observe certain abnormalities over the recent weeks and didn't doubt the rest of the personnel at the mansion had as well. Although Miss Candy tried to hide her flaws, her behavior was far from appropriate and adequate to what was expected of her. He had never had any complaints so far, but he had always known that her presence would, sooner or later, alter the harmony of the house. The Andrews and his women were a puzzle that did not work, whether the latter were of good birth or not.

...It was inconceivable! Some of the girls who helped with the household chores had seen Miss Candy creeping out late at night, to the master's room. Some had even seen her wearing his jackets, or inhaling the aroma of his cigars. There had been nights when she had slept in his bed... Intolerable. It looked like she was used to it. Of course, Madsen knew that was not true... but that was not an appropriate behavior, especially in front of the servants, always so curious, so addicted to gossiping... It was imperative to silence the talking.

The young lady was so very sad. She suffered from nostalgia. That was undeniable. Dark circles appeared on her once youthful face, betraying countless sleepless nights. Her lively gaze had been replaced by one of concern and suspicion... But that was not an excuse for this behavior, in any case. She was heir to one of the largest fortunes in the country and could not afford any gossip at her expense... _If only she could be more discreet..._ Madsen thought. He hoped for the master to put some order into the house upon his return. It was a pity that a young woman in the fullness of life had to languish that way... But it was much worse that gossips could harm the family's name.

Fortunately, he and Hannah had managed to stop the gossips of the personnel. The sudden departure of the master, the strange behavior of the young lady... The signals were obvious and the staff, curious by nature, was more than eager to talk about it. It was vital to ensure that the comments wouldn't reach the ears of the neighbour families. The family's private affairs should remain in the family and never be a topic of chatter among strangers.

_How long till the end of this ordeal?_ Madsen thought as he opened the office door, formal and severe, ignoring the lack of response.

"Miss Candy," he raised his voice after coughing lowly. "I'm sorry to interrupt. We have a visit that requires your attention. Will you receive the guest in this room?"

She looked up, startled in the midst of her reverie.

"Of course, Madsen. Who is it?" she answered, recoved enough to give him half a smile of approval.

"Miss Patricia O'Brien."

Candy's eyes lit up with genuine joy for a moment. She had been locked either in the house or the hospital for too many days. It was evident that her friends began to worry.

"Please, let her in."

Madsen turned to leave when the girl's voice interrupted him firmly.

"Sorry, Mr. Madsen. I wanted to ask for a favor before you leave." she said in a resolute tone as she stood up. "I would like to convey this note to Mr. Andrew as soon as possible."

The old man nodded. The girl's look did not admit any remark. He squinted slightly, raising a mute appeal, praying for the master to come back as soon as possible. He himself preferred not to deal with women. They were impossible beings, unable to reason logically or understand certain conventions.

"I... Do not bother to bring Miss Patricia here. I myself will welcome her," the girl added with a light tone in her voice, as if she could hear Madsen's innermost thoughts.

She left an old and dumbstruck butler in the corridors of the mansion, and almost flew into the lobby. In seconds, she was warmly greeting her friend, and leading her towards the more informal tearoom. From there, one could enjoy the gardens in all their glory. It was midafternoon, in a couple of hours it would get dark, and rosebushes glowed in different shades of reds and orange, white and pearly ... A multicolor symphony that proved that spring was on its zenith.

"Candy, let me take a look at you," Patty said as she watched her friend. "We have not seen each other since the party. What have you been doing? Why do you stay here, locked, when the weather outside is so great? You're pale and haggard..." Patty frowned. "Right now I'm going to say few words to Albert. Is he not taking proper care of you?"

Candy skillfully concealed her discomfort at the question. "That talk with Albert will have to wait," she said, faking a smile. "He went to Lakewood the day after the party."

Patty could not conceal her surprise.

"He went to Lakewood? But why? I do not understand anything, Candy. You need to explain this further. How long has he been away?"

"I do not know, Patty, I really do not know..." she managed to utter.

Candy couldnt conceal her true feelings after those weeks of impatient wait; her face, that so well had disguised her sadness, became distorted. Her voice trembled so much that she chose to be silent in an attempt to recover. She was so sensitive that the mere mention of any slightly controversial topic could make her burst into tears. She knew and was fighting with all her strengths not to collapse. She reached into her inner reserves looking for some fortitude so that she could deal with Patty's questioning.

This latter noted, dumbstruck by the drastic change in her friend. Candy had rarely hinted her weaknesses, by contrast, had always been optimistic and courageous before any reversal of fate. Why did she seem so despondent? What had happened? Could it be possible that Albert had decided to leave sooner because he could no longer bear her indifference? The mere thought made her dreams be reborn... However, Candy looked really hurt and saddened by his departure. Could it be... was it possible that her friend had finally confronted her memories and had realized that her feelings for Albert were not just fraternal? The thought made her heart shrink in pain... Patty struggled between loyalty to her friend and her own expectations...

In a supreme effort of will, Candy was trying to block out from her thoughts, absorbed in an inner vision that allowed her to maintain some apparent calm. Her eyes shone with remains of tears yet to shed, and her cheeks were delicately flushed. Her body retained a strange immobility, as if she instinctively tried to repel an invisible attack that she was not prepared to meet.

"Candy, please look at me," Patty begged, "If you want to mourn, weep. How many times have you comforted me? Do you think I'm not worthy to comfort you? Do you despise my friendship that much?"

Her friend's harsh words pulled Candy from her silence.

"Please, Patty. Don't think like that. Not even for the slightest moment did I think…" she said, with her face revealing genuine confusion.

"Maybe you haven't thought, but your reactions show something completely different, Candy. Are you better than me because you hide your tears? That is the only deduction I can make".

"But Patty, please. I've never, never meant to offend you. It is just that I do not want you to be sad because I am not in the mood. Sorry. It seems that lately I can not do anything right. I just seem to move those who love me away from me". Candy's tears began to flow freely, wetting her flushed face, and the sobs that followed prevented her from speaking further.

Patty hugged her friend, who hid her face in her shoulder and returned her embrace with despair.

"I feel lonely, Patty... So lonely... Never before had I felt like this... Not even when I lived with the Legans..." As she spoke, her tears kept on pouring, as if once released could not be stopped, as if by virtue of being retained for so long they had become incurable. "Albert is gone and I'm trying to convince myself that everything continues as before... That when I see him again, everything will be back to normal... But deep in my heart I know I've lost him forever. I've played against fate for too long, and I ended up eating my last chance".

"…"

"Albert loved me. He has loved me for many years. And I didn't want to see it. In my heart I knew it, but could not admit it. It was much easier to see him as my guardian and protector. Very comfortable for me... However, now he is gone, now that I think he might disappear from my life... I can not stand it. He told me he would be absent for only a week, and it's been three so far. I have had no news of him in all this time, and I am increasingly worried. And if he doesn't want to see me again?"

Candy went silent and it was obvious by the look on her face that the prospect terrified her. Patty's grasp tightened in an attempt to endorse some of the pain that tore her friend.

"Why do you think so, Candy? Did Albert ever let you down when you needed him? Is that how you trust him after so many years living with him? Albert is the most generous and noble man I have ever met. Generous to the point of forgetting his own needs and desires for the sake of those he loves... Albert is like a dream come true, the type of man able to make that woman that wins his heart, the happiest on earth. He is a gift in every sense; brave, selfless, sacrificial. Any woman would feel happy to share his love..."

Patty's face was tinged with a faint reddish color. The passion of her speech and the emotion that her words revealed awakened a new consciousness in Candy's heart. She moved away from her friend and looked into her eyes.

"Patty... Are you in love with Albert?"

The suddenness of the question left Patty speechless... Her cheeks were stained more intensely as her eyes shyed away from the direct gaze of her companion. Her heart began pounding and her old timidity invaded her senses. Could she confess to Candy something she had been treasuring so fiercely in heart, something she had never dared to confess out loud, not even to herself? She closed her eyes briefly, trying to find an answer to her doubts, trying to find the strength to admit the truth she had delayed for so long. She knew that Albert's happiness might depend on her answer...

"Please, Candy, sit for a moment", she managed to mutter as words began to take shape in her mind, words she knew she had to say no matter how painful they could be for her.

Both sat on the Victorian salmon-pink couch that had so often witnessed their confessions, laughter and games. Patty took Candy's hands in hers and looked intensely into her eyes. Her friend deserved her confession for many reasons but, above all, because the type of courage she had sought to conquer demanded total sincerity towards herself and the others.

"Candy... How could I explain something that I don't even understand myself? Something that so few times I have ventured to verbalize, including in my own thoughts. Do I love Albert? Do you think anybody could know him truly without loving him? Yes, I love Albert... But he doesn't love me. No, don't give me that look of disbelief. Yes, he loves me in some way. He loves me the same as an uncle would love a niece, or as friend would love a friend. Nothing more... and nothing less. His presence, sharing some moment with him is more than enough for me. I ask for no more because I know I can not demand anything more. Albert has loved only one female in his life, with that kind of love that sometimes unites forever a man and a woman, and that woman is you, Candy. Albert has been able to hide it very well, but it is very difficult to hide such things from someone who is in love with you. It was so hard to see him suffer for you, Candy... Seeing him every day fighting against himself, against his feelings, while you languished for a man who gave up on you long ago… But I guess God commands this kind of testing to achieve some goals beyond our comprehension. I ask only one thing, Candy, do not let him suffer more. You're an amazing woman, you're my friend and I love you, but if you don't love him, set him free. Do not tie him to you. You depend too much on him emotionally, but Albert can no longer be just your guardian, at least not now. He needs to forget his feelings for you first. He needs time. He needs distance. That's why he's gone. He didn't want to hurt you; he didn't want you to suffer because of him… But what you asked of him, even without realizing, wasn't something he could keep on offering. First you need to heal your own wounds. Got it, Candy? Do you understand now why he's gone? Especially after he witnessed your encounter with Terry in the gardens at the party... I guess he realized then that he was not the man destined to heal the wound in your heart... Perhaps he wondered if all these years by your side had been futile."

"Futile?... Futile?", Candy's voice, hoarsed with despair, eerily echoed in the room. Her friend's words reinforced her certainty that Albert was lost for her forever.

"Do you love Albert, Candy? Do you love him with the same kind of love that he professes for you? That's the question you should ask yourself... Albert can no longer continue behaving as your brother, your protector, your friend…at least not now. What will you do about it?"

Candy squeezed her friend's hands.

"The other night, in the gardens, Terry told me that I did not mean to him what I had in the past. That he had begun to love Susanna. His confession saddened me profoundly. Deep inside I wanted this to happen. I wanted Terry to be happy. But at the same time I realized that I had been harboring false hopes for the last five years. The loss seemed unbearable... Yet, the next morning, when I discovered that Albert was gone, I knew that Terry's absence would never be for me as hard to endure as losing Albert... During these past three weeks I've realized that I can not live without Albert. I need his presence, his warmth, his company. I've always refused to consider him more than a brother… but the reason was the loyalty I felt for the love that meant so much for me in the past".

"Are you sure, Candy? Are you convinced that you arent mistaking love for false gratitude, or compassion? Do you firmly believe that you are not replacing Terry by Albert in your heart?"

Patty's questions and her own doubts echoed in unison in her heart, awakening her own fears.

"I do not know, Patty... I do not know. How can I find out?"

Patty released her friend's hands and stood up. For a few minutes she seemed lost in thought. Her hesitation did not last long and soon, her gaze turned to Candy: clear, safe and serene.

"You need to get out of here, Candy. You need time to think and serenity to listen to your heart. Albert has given you the chance to fight for a project that will fill many children with joy, something that will be great for many people. Let your wounds heal in the place you've always considered your home... And wait for Albert's return. When he does, talk to him... Confess to him your doubts and fears. Be honest and tell him about your emotional conflicts. Meanwhile, give yourself a chance and give him the opportunity to make a separate life to heal his own wounds. If fate wants you to be together again, you both will find ways to overcome all tests."

"But what if he falls for another? What if I lose him forever?"

"It's a risk you must run, Candy. I have always admired your courage, your strength, your will. During these recent years you've forgotten that part of yourself, but I know it's there, waiting to emerge and shine as before."

Candy leant back on the sofa and closed her eyes. She felt mortally tired. She had to make a decision; she knew that Patty was right. She had to leave. She should offer Albert the opportunity to rebuild his own life and she ought to find her true self again. She had been stranded for too long. Her mind started to forge new images. Old Pony's Hill, Pony's Home orphans, her adoptive mothers… she desired so much to see them again.

And suddenly her sadness began to wane. She knew she could do it. Albert deserved to have the old Candy back, not just the remains of the hesitant Candy of the present. Her eyes were shining when she opened her eyelids again.

"I will, Patty. You've convinced me. That's all I can do for now... Thank you for clearing my doubts and for being such a good friend".

Both girls smiled and hugged each other tightly.

_You were the one that taught me how to find that strength within me, Candy. And I think that I will never be able to repay you for it. Do you think we will find happiness, my dear Stear? I know you're always by our side, protecting us...but now it is Candy who needs you the most. Please, watch over her and guide her on her way. After the storm usually comes the calm ... but her personal torment has lasted too long. She deserves to be happy. Help her... my lost love._

©Rosa Carmona 2001


	10. Addendum

**SOME NOTES**

And you might ask yourselves… where are the following chapters? Did you stop writing? How is this story going to end?

Now… calm down a little.

I did stop writing, but GOOD NEWS! This fanfic DOES have a continuation. I have supervised it and it has my full approval. It is not only very well written but also portrays the story in such a way that readers will find themselves immersed in an alternate future that might have come true had the original authors kept on writing "Candy Candy" manga. Each chapter adds up to conform brilliant scenery where characters blossom, where relationships transform and grow more intense, where historical facts enhance the fantasy giving it a very realistic allure. To sum up, you will not regret in the least spending the next few hours having **Gosia ****Kinaszewicz** as your guide in this long-awaited **Crossroads II, the sequel**.

What are you doing here still? *bonks… Go search for Crossroads II in this site's search engine! I hope you can enjoy as much as I did when Gosia shared her vision with me!

PS: Thanks dear Gosia for all your effort, support, hard work and imagination. This project would have never been completed without you.


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