Glee 1. Chapter 1

You probably think I'm a prude.

Maybe you're right. Maybe it's a strange thing this day in age to be a woman over thirty and still a virgin. Though, I kind of find that sad. In a strange way, things were much easier when Will was still married. Sure, my heart was broken every single minute of every single day, but I wasn't afraid then. It was safe to love him, in my own private way. I didn't have to worry that I was so inexperienced, to fear that Will would one day look at me and not like what he saw, or acknowledge that I felt about as sexy as a loaf of bread. And now, he was divorced, I was single, and the way he looks at me sometimes makes my toes curl.

I've been seeing a therapist for a while now. Will has been trying to find himself, discover who he is alone. This is because of my advice, though sometimes when I look at him so confident and sexy, it makes my chest ache. My virginity is the result of my mysophobia, compiled with the fact that I've waited so long now that I've built sex up in my mind to this unreachable level. I need to take small steps towards a greater intimacy with Will. Baby steps, if you will. He is the only reason I'm going to therapy. He is the only reason I get out of bed in the morning.

Will had enforced a strict no dating policy after my failed attempt to seduce him. I almost went through with it, he felt so amazing against me. I began to follow my instincts, to let things happen naturally when somewhere inside my head something snapped. I didn't know what to expect, and most of all, I wasn't in control of my actions anymore. I ran out of his place ashamed.

My life has always revolved around this sense of external control. I obsessively organize and clean everything until it has an exact place in this world where it fits perfectly. It is almost as if I am trying to compensate for the fact that internally, I am a mess. Everything including my wardrobe, my accessories, and even my hair is carefully chosen and executed. There are no surprises in my world, no cause for spontaneity. None of these things make for an interesting sex life. That is probably why I don't have one. I thought that sex was about being in control of my body, as Sue suggested, but it was the opposite. It's about letting go, about giving yourself to another person fully and completely, and allowing your natural instincts to take over. And slowly, step by step, this is what I intend to do.

I am sitting in the teacher's lounge watching Will eat a chocolate chip cookie. He's talking to me and I'm nodding, but the only thing I can focus on is that cookie. The way he licks his lips every so often when he speaks, and the way he carefully chews each morsel and licks the melted chocolate off his fingers. I run my tongue along my bottom lip as I watch him, and am shaken out of my reverie when I hear him chuckle.

"Emma," he asks in that molten sexy voice of his, "Is everything all right? You look dazed."

"Oh, um," I splutter as I try to focus on him and not solely his mouth, "Sorry, I just didn't get much sleep last night." Try the last twenty nights where I lay awake thinking of him.

"I just asked you if you had any plans this weekend?" he smiles.

"Well, no actually," I feel the heat flush into my cheeks, "I wanted to talk to you about that."

"Oh really?" Will replies, raising his eyebrows slightly, his eyes sparkling. Oh my.

"Yes," I smirk, playing along with him, "I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my place for dinner on Saturday night. How does six o'clock sound?"

"Great, I'd love to," he responds, his voice barely above a whisper. He stands and leans down, brushing his lips lightly against my forehead as he turns to leave. Even with the slightest touch, I feel my body react.

_You can do this_, I tell myself, and I keep repeating it until Saturday night arrives and it is time for our date.

I choose my outfit carefully, wanting to pick something sexy yet casual. I settle on a red cardigan with a beaded floral design on one side paired with a matching lacy camisole underneath. Instead of my regular pencil skirts, I select an a-line black skirt that flows nicely from my waist and reaches just above my knees. When Will arrives he is wearing a simple black button down shirt tucked into a pair of dark wash jeans. After giving me a quick peck on the cheek, he bends to remove his shoes and follows me into the kitchen. I have a few things on the stove that I need to check. I start opening various lids and begin to stir the pasta and sauce, when I feel his arms wrap around me from behind. I can feel his breath on my neck, warm and gentle. My heart begins to race, and I'm convinced that my legs are going to give out underneath me. I hold on to the edge of the counter for support.

"It looks and smells delicious, Em," he whispers in my ear before kissing the tender skin just behind my earlobe. I giggle in response and look over my shoulder to meet his gaze. He is staring intently at me, and I feel butterflies in my stomach. I blink slowly before smiling and turning back to our dinner.

Get a grip, I say to myself as I put our meal onto plates and bring them to the table. Will is talking about Glee and again I am trying to listen, but instead I am focusing on the way his shirt clings to his chest, and how he looks amazing in a pair of jeans. I take our plates back to the kitchen to wash them before placing them in the dishwasher.

"Emma?" I hear him ask.

"Yes?" I reply, blushing yet again.

"You were just staring at me," he smiles, and I want to melt.

"Sorry, I can't help it," I admit.

His expression softens as he takes my hand and leads me to the living room. His lips brush against mine and I open my mouth to allow him better access. This is the first time I've done this and I feel him smile into our kiss. He slips his tongue into my mouth and begins to dance with mine. I press myself into him, giving in to the sensation as he backs us towards the couch. As he sits down he pulls me on top of him, and I straddle his lap as our tongues continue to duel.

He begins to kiss a trail down my neck and to my collarbone, pushing the cardigan aside. My hands are in his hair, and I remove them to begin unbuttoning the cardigan. Will's eyes widen in shock as he watches me, his mouth agape. As I shrug off the cardigan and let it fall to the floor, I trace my finger in his chin dimple as I pull him to me for another kiss. His hands toy with the straps of my camisole as he traces his fingers up and down my bare shoulders. I shiver in response to his touch even though I am not the slightest bit cold, in fact I feel as though I'm on fire.

I begin to unbutton his shirt as his fingers trace the skin along the waistband of my skirt. His touch sends electric current through my body, spurring me on to continue. I remove his shirt, exposing the tight black t-shirt underneath. I hear him moan into my mouth as I run my hands down the muscles on his chest, and I suddenly feel like I'm dreaming.

"Will," I whisper, "I don't know if I'm going to be able to…"

"Shh," he assures me, "I just want to be with you, nothing else matters."

I let out the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding, and lean into him once more. His hands slide up under the camisole and reach the clasp of my bra. I let him undo it and he leans against the back of the couch, pulling me with him. I press my lips to his, hard, as I feel his hand slide up my stomach and under my bra, cupping my breast. His fingers begin to work magic on my nipple, and I gasp, inadvertently grinding my hips into his very obvious arousal that is straining against the denim of his jeans. I feel myself growing more aroused by the minute. The realization startles me, and I grab his hand, holding it still against my breast.

"Will," I whisper again, and he pulls back to look me in the eye. I start to apologize, but he places a finger to my lips, silencing me.

"You're beautiful," he says, "So sexy."

"Thank you," I reply softly as he pulls me in for another slow kiss before clasping my bra again and smoothing out my camisole. I swing my leg up over his lap so that I can sit beside him, snuggling into the crook of his arm.

"You're amazing," he says as he toys with a curl of my hair between his fingers. I know he is talking about the progress I've made, how tonight we've gone further than we ever have before. I love that he doesn't say this out loud, but that we both understand each other anyway.

I know I'm not perfect, and I have many faults, but I know this man is worth any effort I can make to overcome my problems, and I will, if only for him. Tonight, I am one step closer to being with the man I love, and for now that is enough. And already, my mind begins to anticipate our next date.


	2. Chapter 2

You probably think I'm a jerk.

Maybe you're right. Maybe you think I want Emma to get help for selfish reasons, and that I only want to get her into bed. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't at least part of my motivation, but it goes way beyond that. Emma has become my closest friend and the person I trust most in the world. I just want to be able to be closer to her in every way possible, and every time I try, she shuts down. She's not happy, I can tell. And so I gave her the card in the hopes that because of it we could still have a successful future together. She shouldn't have to live with that level of constant anxiety.

People always want to act like physical intimacy isn't a big part of a relationship, but those people are lying. It's a huge part of what can make or break a relationship. It is how a couple connects on the deepest level possible. And for me, it's a way to recharge my batteries, and experience the only thing in my life that is truly divine. What makes me the happiest is when I'm able to express myself freely, whether it be with music, or dance, or even sex. Terri never let me be myself, she was constantly telling me to be the person and husband that she wanted, and I could never quite match up. I had gotten to the point where I was just desperate to feel something again, to be free. I guess that's how I ended up randomly making out with Shelby, something I truly regret now.

I'll admit, things are looking too good for me right now. I mean, the Glee kids are doing well, but Sue won't get off my back. I'm having a hard time trusting anyone, and the only thing that gets me through the day is Emma. I have to fight against every natural instinct when I'm with her to make sure that she doesn't get upset or uncomfortable. It was her that pointed out that things shouldn't be this way, and she's right.

Then Saturday night happened, and I have to say, I've never been more turned on in my life. To see Emma so uninhibited was the sexiest thing I've ever witnessed. Now that I've had a glimpse of what it could be like with her, I can think of nothing else. Blame the one track mind of a guy, I guess.

I am sitting in Emma's office watching her reapply her lip gloss. She carefully traces the outline of her mouth and then presses her lips together to make it even. I unconsciously mirror her actions, my lips closing together in a firm line. She looks at me expectantly.

"Is there something I can help you with?" she asks me, smiling brightly.

I lick my lips nervously, my eyes unable to look away from her soft, now shiny, lips. "Um," I pause, trying to compose myself, "I just came to tell you that I had a nice time Saturday night," I say, raising my eyebrows for emphasis.

She laughs quietly, "Me too," she admits, a rosy glow spreads over her cheeks.

She is so adorable that I have the sudden urge to go over to her and kiss her senseless. Instead, I say, "So are you free at all this week?"

She nods, "When did you have in mind?"

"How about tomorrow night?" I ask, knowing that I'll be unable to wait any longer to be with her again. "I'll pick you up at six?"

"Okay," she responds immediately, almost jumping out of her seat. She takes a deep breath before meeting my gaze once more, "I can't wait."

I chuckle to myself as I stand up to leave her office, "Neither can I," I tell her before taking her hand in mine and raising it to my lips. I plant a kiss in the palm of her hand and fold her fingers over it before whispering in her ear, "For later," and she giggles, blushing furiously.

I can't wait until tomorrow night.

By the time six o'clock rolls around the following day, I have the entire evening all planned. I arrive at her house on time, wearing a simple blue button down shirt, jeans, and my favorite leather jacket. It is spring time but still gets chilly at night sometimes. I ring her doorbell and the door opens to reveal Emma, looking gorgeous in a dark purple dress which hugs her in all the right places. She has a jacket and her purse slung over her arm as she turns to close and lock the door behind her.

"Hi," I say tenderly as she turns to face me.

"Hey," she responds, and I lean in for a kiss. She tilts her head up towards me and our lips meet gently at first, and then with increasing passion. I'm the one to break the kiss.

"If that continues," I smile, "You won't get to see what I have planned for you."

"Oh really?" she questions. God, I love when she flirts with me. I take her by the hand and lead her to my car. "Is this okay?" I ask, gesturing to the passenger side door. She nods, but I notice her biting her bottom lip nervously as she slides into her seat. I drive her the short distance to the local park. The tulips, daffodils, and trees are all in full bloom and it looks beautiful this time of year. I open Emma's car door for her and walk around to the trunk of the car to retrieve a picnic basket and blanket. I hand the blanket to her, and holding the basket with one hand, I use my other to lead her towards a grassy secluded part of the park away from the parking lot. I spread out the blanket and sit down, patting the area beside me. She pauses for a moment before bending to remove her shoes, and steps barefoot onto the blanket before sitting in the crook of my arm. After giving her a quick kiss on the cheek I move to open the picnic basket and begin spreading its contents on the blanket in front of us. I have packed us a complete meal, including soup, salad, bread, and a chicken and rice dish. There are brownies for dessert.

"Wow," Emma says as I pour her a glass of wine and hand it to her.

"To us," I say as my glass clinks with hers and we both take a sip. We enjoy a leisurely meal together, just enjoying each other's company and the beautiful surroundings. The night is cool but not cold as we lay back and watch the sunset. She snuggles against me, pressing the full length of her body against mine, and sighs ever so softly as she relaxes into me. I can feel my body responding immediately, and I debate for a second whether to pull away or allow her to feel the effect she's having on me. Deciding on the latter, I hold her tightly against me and lean in to kiss her neck from behind. She lets out a moan, and closing her eyes turns towards me. By now I know she can feel my arousal pressing into her, and I kiss her passionately, letting her know how crazy she is making me. She pulls me on top of her and wraps her arms around me, letting her hand run through my hair.

I try to support my weight with my arms so that I don't crush her, but I want to touch her everywhere, and all at once. She bends her right leg alongside of me, the fabric of her dress sliding down and pooling at her hip. I seize the opportunity and slide my hand slowly up her thigh, feeling the smooth tender flesh along the elastic of her panties before I slide my hand further to cup her ass. I pull her hips towards me and grind into her, hearing her moan into my mouth as our tongues duel.

I decide that before this night is over, I need to hear her scream my name.

Just as I am sliding my hands up her body to grasp the waistband of her panties, I feel her pull away slightly, breaking our kiss. She is breathing heavily, and her skin is flushed and radiant.

"Do you want to take this back to my place?" she asks shyly, and I use all of my energy to not take her here and now. I nod eagerly and she smiles as I roll off of her and she stands up and smoothes out her dress. After collecting our belongings, we head back to the car. I am still incredibly turned on, and it must be obvious to her, but she doesn't acknowledge it.

While we are driving back I am staring straight ahead, trying to concentrate on the road when I feel her hand rest on my thigh. I nearly swerve off the road as she traces her fingertips up and down my leg, her hand inching ever closer to my still recognizable erection.

"Emma," I warn, saying her name in almost a growl. Out of the corner of my eye, I swear she looks triumphant.

After what seems like an eternity, we arrive at her place and get out of the car. We walk briskly to the door and stumble inside, anxiously taking off our shoes and placing them neatly in their designated spots. I help Emma with her coat and hang it up in the closet next along with mine.

"Now, where were we?" she whispers seductively, and I feel my jaw drop as I look at her approaching me slowly. She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me down for a deep, sensual kiss. I slide my hands down her back, over her rear and down behind her thighs as I bend to pick her up and wrap her legs around my waist. We continue to kiss as I carry her to the bedroom and carefully lay her on the bed. Her red hair is splayed like rays of light around her face, and I pause to admire her beauty before lowering myself upon her slender frame.

I slip my hand under her skirt and toy with the sensitive skin along the hem of her panties. She sits up slightly and raises her arms around her head, and I pull the dress up, tossing it to the floor. She removes my shirt so I am down to only my jeans and socks. She is clad only in a lavender bra and matching panties, and I begin kissing a trail from her lips to her belly button until I feel her begin to tremble beneath me.

"Emma, honey, I can stop if you want," I reassure her.

"I don't want you to stop," she says, her voice hoarse and breathy.

I run my hands over the lace of her bra, feeling her nipples grow erect from my touch. Her eyes are squeezed shut and she is gripping the mattress on either side of her with both hands. I slowly run my hand down between her breasts and past her navel until I am caressing the satin of her panties. Tentatively, I slip my finger between her legs and stroke her gently. Her eyes snap open and I pause, holding my hand still.

"Still okay?" I ask, and she bites her lip and nods.

I begin rubbing small circles against her, slow at first and then with growing pressure and pace. I feel her wetness through the thin material as she moans, her breath coming out in rapid gasps of air. I pause in my ministrations to deftly unhook her bra and push it aside before returning my hand back between her legs. I take her nipple in my mouth and begin to suck gently as I stroke her. I feel her hips buck up against me, as she moans again, this time louder.

"Oh Will," she pants out, and I begin to suck harder. "Oh!" she yelps as I continue increasing the friction between her legs. "Will!" she shouts as she shakes beneath me, her climax hitting her forcefully. I move to lie beside her, and pull her into my arms.

After several minutes, we stay perfectly still. Her eyes are closed, and I lightly kiss her forehead. Her eyes flutter open and she finally looks at me.

"Wow," she says simply, and I can't help it, I laugh.

"You are amazing," I tell her, and she truly is. Tonight, I was able to give her the kind of pleasure she's never known before, and she wasn't afraid. And for now, that is enough. Still, I can't wait until our next date, I think as I hold her in my arms.


End file.
