Naruto 1. Ripples in the snow

Ripples in the snow

The woman on the balcony below Sakura was crying. She was leaning on the edge, her blood red silk dress contrasting against the thin layer of snow around and below her. Luckily for Sakura, it hadn't snowed that night, and it had made her mission of waiting on the roof for her partner to give her the sign of death a little more bearable. She took in the view of the thin creature below her, how her short, dark page revealed the pale skin of her neck ever so slightly. No obstructing jewelry that would make any clattering noises, no fabric to cut through. Perfect.

The woman in red leaned over the edge of the balcony, grabbing the railing until her knuckles turned white, scraping her rings against the metal. There was a slight nudge on Sakuras left shoulder, and she knew it was her cue to intervene, and with a soft thump, (which she made on purpose), she landed behind the woman, who slowly turned around, fear evident in her eyes. Her voice was broken and pitiful.

"Did she send you?" The woman breathed, her dark eyes starting to tear up. She was disturbingly young, not much older than twenty-five, but her face looked so worn by hardships that it made her seem at least ten years older. Sakura shook her head slightly.

"I'm here to help you." She said calmly, taking a few steps towards the trembling being in front of her. A glimpse of hope glistened in her eyes.

"He loves me then?" She smiled, a few tears running down her cheeks, ruining her expensive and elaborate makeup. "I knew it all along…" Sakura let a comforting smile brush over her face.

"Yes, he sent me. Everything will be fine now." More tears stained the woman's face and Sakura took another step towards her, catching her before her knees gave in on her. With her arms around Sakuras neck, she fell limp against her as the cold steel slit her throat. The kunoichi felt the life drain from the pathetic existence leaning on to her, tainting her white alpaca coat.

She carefully lay the woman down on the snow, the blood quickly pooling around her head, heat from it steaming in the cold air. She looked peaceful laying there, smiling forevermore; the last thought being that of a man she had loved, and that he had finally decided to rescue her. Sakura looked down on her stained coat, and then on the wretched creature in front of her again. It had been worth it.

She didn't even turn around as she jumped back onto the roof again, readjusting her blank, white mask over her face as she leapt through the air. The person next to her who had been watching her every step, clad in the same white dress that she was, didn't utter a word as she returned to her perch. He merely turned his head and gave a nod, approving of her actions.

* * *

"It is going to be difficult." Tsunade started, looking out of the window as she spoke. The pair in front of her studied their Hokage closely. She didn't get troubled about things if she didn't have the cause to. "It's an A-rank mission. But don't worry, it's not the target that'll be difficult." She held the scroll in her hand, looking intently at it before she reached it over to Sakura. "But it'll probably scar you for life. You get a day to decide if you want it or not."

Sakura took the scroll and decided against opening it then and there. They'd just gotten home from their last mission, and for once she'd actually been stupid enough to expect them to be able to catch a break. Thankful that she was still wearing her mask, a small frown crept on her face. She'd barely had time to charge up her chakra between missions, let alone study any medicine at the hospital for nearly two months. She still reeked of blood as she was standing there, coat soaked with it, and all the same Tsunade just threw another mission at them.

Sakura was not impressed with Tsunades planning.

Seeing how Kakashi liked for them to do their mission planning and reporting in peace and quiet, they bowed to the woman, and as she didn't continue to speak they turned to leave. But just as Sakura closed the door behind her, she heard the clearly troubled woman behind her open the squeaky drawer in her desk that she knew contained a bottle of sake, mumbling something that sounded suspiciously enough like 'sometimes I fucking hate this world'. Maybe Tsunades days weren't so damn pretty either then.

As one of the radar pairs of Konoha walked back to their apartment slowly and in silence, it was getting late, the sun was setting, and a chill wind swept through the streets. They looked like strange ghosts with their plain white porcelain masks still on, Sakuras coat still partially covered in blood, and the soft moccasins that barely made a sound as they moved on the ground. People avoided them, which suited them fine just then.

* * *

Kakashi uncharged the chakra-identifying lock and walked in to the white, sterile, first hallway. There were two closets there, and they changed into their robes and slippers in silence. No gear in the house. It was a way to keep work outside and just let home be home. No embarrassment, no giggles, just the safety of each others company. Needless to say, they didn't feel safe without it anymore. They'd been partners so long that it felt unnatural to be apart.

When Sakura slipped her mask off, she found that the bottom inside part of it was covered in dry blood. It had made a sickening, sticky noise when she'd pulled at it, and she let her right hand trace the line of her jaw and up towards her cheek, only to find more dry blood on it. It must have splattered on her as she'd slit the poor woman's throat, she thought to herself, and looked over to Kakashi. His moccasins that were thrown in a corner of the small space had a few stains on them, but that was all for his part. She shrugged slightly at the observation. He killed in a different way than she did.

"Done?" He said absentmindedly as he locked the door behind them with a weak glow of chakra, and she wondered slightly at his behavior, reflecting for a second over his paranoia. Nobody would ever dare come after them, let alone try to break in and rob them. Even so, she had not been able to convince him of just having a regular lock. The paranoid pain of a man…

"I guess." She answered, and shuddered as she realized that they hadn't turned on the thermostat yet. "Let's go home."

She closed the door behind her as she stepped into their 'real' hallway, the one that their guests stepped in to from another door, the one that contained the pictures of their precious people, the one that was painted a warm terracotta and smelled like sandalwood and vanilla incense. Finally home, she thought, and saw more than heard how Kakashi took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles. She had to smile. They hadn't been gone for more than a few days.

"Homesick much?" She asked him, smiling a warms smile which she was happy to see that he returned in full force.

"Always." He said joyfully, making his way to the kitchen. "Go shower, you need it... I'll throw something together." She heard the fridge open as she stepped into the bathroom.

"There's chicken in the freezer. I bought some before we left. Use it."

"Well planned Sakura. Now go shower."

* * *

After they both had showered and taken turns to cook, they sat wrapped up in their second set of robes and enjoyed a heartwarming chicken soup in silence. Sakura looked out the kitchen window, sleepy eyes studying the snowflakes attaching themselves to the glass.

"Seems we brought the weather back with us." She stated absentmindedly, resting her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Hm." Kakashi answered, sipping his soup, following her look out the window. "It would seem so." He put down his bowl, and replicated her body language. "You wanna' go out tonight?" Sakura shrugged, not even trying to fake some enthusiasm.

"I'll go if you go." But Kakashi just sighed at her.

"I don't mind staying home. But I'll go if you go." She raised a brow at him.

"You mind making you mind up?" He smiled at her through his mask.

"I'll go where you go, Sakura-chan." He teased, and she sighed back at him, smiling a tired smile.

"Hopeless man." She stated and glanced at the clock that hung above the kitchen doorway. Eight o'clock. How was it not more? It felt like midnight. "I'm staying in." She finally finished, being answered with a nod and a yawn from her teammate. Gathering all the strength she could, she got up to put their dishes in the sink. "I'm not opening that mission scroll tonight. I'm not sure I want to know what Tsunade is throwing our way just yet." The mess of silver hair nodded quietly again.

"We could do with a night off. It's been a lot for us lately." Sakura frowned, knowing he was right, scolding the Hokage in her head one more time.

"Hm." She hummed in agreement, moving up to him and putting a hand on his shoulder. "You okay?"

She felt him tens up for a second beneath her touch, then relax again and saw how his head fell forwards and heard him yawn.

"I'm fine." He mumbled, putting a hand on hers. "And you? Are you okay?" He asked softly, sounding very sleepy. Sakura smiled and grabbed his hand, pulling at it carefully to get him to stand up.

"I'm as fine as I can be, and no sleeping in the chair tonight either." She watched him get up, his eyes half lidded again, looking at her with that look that didn't reveal anything most of the time. She raised her brows at him when he just stood there, clearly studying her face. "Talk to me?" Sakura tried, cocking her head towards the livingroom. They went to sit down on the sofa, and Sakura placed a pillow in her knee, warming her hands under them. Warm, safe and home. What more could you ask of life?

"Hm." He started, eyes staring out into the nothingness of his thoughts. "There's too much money in the world right now." He stated flatly, but Sakura just shrugged and picked up a bowl of bonbons from the low coffee table.

"You sick of missions?" She asked, indulging her sweet tooth. Kakashi mock-frowned at her.

"I still don't understand how you can like those." He mused, switching on the lamp behind him. Sakura decided that he looked awful, not being fooled by the look on his face one bit. It looked awful as in something was really bothering him, other than that she supposed that he looked quite handsome. She chewed down on the bonbon in her mouth, earning a loud cracking noise. Focus woman. "Anyway, I think there's too much money in the world whenever regular people start buying lives like they have lately. I've never received this amount of assassination missions before in my life. Not on regular people." He shook his head. "What ever happened to just sorting things out the regular way? Talking? Just, something else than… this damn mess."

Sakura swallowed half of her bonbon with a loud 'gulp' and let the other thoughtfully roll over her wisdom tooth. He was right, and the thought had struck her too. Were people lacking in humanity, or was it just a bad period right now?

"People with too much money get megalomaniacal." She stated bluntly, crushing the remaining of the lemon flavored candy between her teeth.. "They get a kick out of controlling the lives of others." She sighed as she picked up the mission scroll from the table, giving him a questioning look, getting no reaction from him. "Or death I suppose, maybe even more so." She continued, frowning deeply and letting out an exasperated sigh. "Peace makes the world prosper and get rich again. Fewer people die, but for all the more selfish reasons."

There was a moment of silence, when they looked into each others eyes and saw the sting guilt the other one was feeling. The fact that they had death for as close of a partner in their job as the one sitting in front of them right now was one that they tried not to think actively about, but in moments like this it appeared all too clear to them. They'd invited him. They could complain all they wanted about people ordering other people to be killed, but the shinobi were the ones who put the knife to the throat in the end.

It wasn't that anyone who had died by their hands had been innocent, because in this world, nobody was ever innocent, and they didn't just execute people on a whim from some rich guy. Tsunade didn't accept every request. But the truth was that every time they stood by the memorial, they couldn't help but think of the gruesome fact that in some other place, in some other village, there was a name on a stone that they had put there. On the other hand, living so close to death certainly made them appreciate the value of life even more.

In a way it was quite bizarre that they were feeling what they did, they who had so much experience, and yet there were people who could distance themselves enough from it that it to them was reduced to nothing more than a signature on a piece of paper. The sweet taste in her mouth did nothing to keep the sick feeling in her stomach away, and she saw how Kakashis face had gone blank again, his visible eye staying on her all the while.

"Sakura, please put the scroll down again. I want to be able to sleep tonight." She shrugged and put it down on the table in front of them again, too tired to argue. She'd grown curious, but it could definitely wait until the morning.

"You think you'll be able to?" She asked distantly, eyes falling on the picture of Sasuke and Naruto that hung on the wall behind him. He stood up and stretched his arms above his head, joints cracking and mask straining over his yawn.

"I might need some help." He answered, giving her a questioning look, and Sakura stood up next to him, not bothering to answer. A habit that she, no doubt, had picked up from her former sensei, and he smiled a little at it.

* * *

The value of living, she thought as she brushed her teeth and washed her face one more time. The value of living and the realization that nothing lasts forever was exactly what had put her in this place to start with. The apartment, that was.

Sharing an apartment with Kakashi on the few rare occasions that they actually were allowed to stay home in Konoha for more than a night at a time, sharing every room with him but her bedroom. If people around them would have dared to, they would most certainly have talked behind their backs. But as so happened to be the case, the only ones who had voiced their thoughts of concern were Naruto and Sasuke. The rest of Konoha, along with the usually talkative Hokage, had kept their traps shut about it and minded their own business.

And even when Sasuke and Naruto had gathered some guts to ask her and Kakashi about it, they had explained it to them very simply: They'd been a two man team for several years by now, spent months after months on end together, and they felt safe together. So safe, in fact, that they had troubles sleeping apart, and they hadn't needed to go in on the details of how a severely fucked-up shinobis head worked. The plain truth that they all knew was that it didn't. The minds of shinobis were not to be poked about in by anyone but Ibiki, or maybe Ino, as things had turned out for her.

Whatever felt right you had to make work for you had been Sakuras argument, and that was not a fact that their two teammates were about to argue with them on. It would have been the kind of hypocrisy that would have caused Sakura to beat them up so bad that they would regret ever being born. Also, Naruto was working on his bad habit of throwing rocks in glass houses, and had actually managed to not do it at that time.

The place was nice as well, she thought, thinking about the first time they'd came to look at it. They'd picked a spacious, four room apartment in the middleclass part of town, and their bedrooms lay wall to wall. The furniture looked perfectly mismatched, there were doubles of everything in the kitchen, and the place was constantly scattered with ninja gear, empty medikits, Icha-Icha-novels and whatnot. And she'd loved it from the first night that she'd slept there. Kakashi was there, in the room next to her, and then everything was fine. Just like on their countless missions. Safety really was a very relative word, she reflected, grabbing her hairbrush from the shelf under the bathroom mirror. And she wasn't the only one who had issues with them.

* * *

Kakashi leaned against the doorframe of his bedroom and watched as Sakura sat on the edge of his bed, brushing her long pink hair. She still hadn't looked up at him, but her breathing was calm and she hadn't changed her body language, so he supposed that she was just tired like himself, and comfortable around him. In many ways, he found it strange that anyone could feel genuinely comfortable around him, knowing how odd he must appear to the world around him. But she didn't care. Maybe she knew him too well by now.

She looked so peaceful sitting there, even with the white, standard ANBU tank and shorts on her. At home she was so different from on the missions, and it was one of the things that made it great to come home again. To see her like that, all calm and slightly more lighthearted, happy even. The thought had hit him many times before, and the thought that he cared so much for someone else's happiness frightened him more than a little. It made him feel vulnerable.

"Hey..." He started, not really knowing how to continue, but he knew that he wanted to say something. Thank her maybe, but for what? Not being afraid of him? Not pushing him away? Making him feel vulnerable, and that it still felt good?

"Hey there." She said softly, still brushing her hair, turning her head to smile at him. _Definitely worth feeling a little vulnerable for that sometimes, _he thought to himself. He didn't see any reason to lie to himself about it. "You ready to get some sleep?" She continued, and he shrugged, turning the spotlights in the ceiling off, only leaving the dimmed light of the bedside lamp to cast shadows on the walls around them. But he still didn't move, just stood there, quietly looking at her until she put her brush down.

For a year and six months it had been like this. Ever since that night in august when his mind had decided firmly against being able to sleep without being in the near direct vicinity of Haruno Sakura. It still astonished him that anyone had been able to have that effect on him, and he watched the young woman in front of him thoughtfully, as if she was about to do something. He was waiting, but had no idea for what. Sakura on the other hand, now a very drained Sakura, quirked a brow at him.

"You're spacing out again." She mused, jumping in on the bed and pulling the cover up to her waist. "Now come to bed Kakashi."

The man in front of her snapped awake at the sound of his name being mentioned and silently moved towards the bed. He pulled his t-shirt off but left his dark flannel bottoms on, then crept down in to bed with… her. This woman who somehow was everywhere in his life, and still not close enough for him to be completely satisfied.

"Sorry." He mumbled through his mask and halfway into the pillow, effectively muffling it.

"Sorry?" She asked, ever smiling at him, and he sighed into that very same pillow, trying to keep his mind straight.

"Sorry for spacing out." He said again, turning his face towards her. "And sorry for being such a bother." But Sakura merely shrugged at his words and reached over to turn of the light.

"You sure are a sorry creature then." She teased, falling back onto her pillow. "But I'm very forgiving as a person, so it should be fine." Kakashi turned his back towards her and pulled his blankets up around him, and heard her do the same thing.

"Night Sakura." He mumbled, feeling that wonderful feeling of 'home sweet home' settle in his gut. The feel of your own sheets, the way that they smelled, and the solid heat from two people warming up the bed all but numbed his senses out. And to top it off, he could hear Sakuras calm breathing begin to get heavier by the second.

"Night 'Kashi." She answered dreamily, lulling of into sleep, and he reached a hand back to find her own waiting for his, and her fingers gripped his ever so slightly when he touched it. _Home_, was his last thought before drifting off into a deep sleep.


	2. Aniara

A big thank you to everyone who's reviewed this story so far! It definately jumpstarts my writing :)

* * *

Aniara

As the sun rose over Konoha that morning, weak and pale behind the grey clouds that snowed softly on the landscape beneath them, a white-haired shinobi awoke in his sparsely used bed. His face was turned towards the woman occupying the other half, and he studied her face through his drowsy, half-lidded eyes. The snow muffled the sounds of the people below his bedroom window, accentuating his dreamy state of mind.

It was hardly the first time he'd woken up in the same bed as her, nor the first time he'd looked at her like this; it must be over a thousand times by now, he reflected, as he watched her eyelashes flutter slightly in her sleep. During all these years of being partners, sharing a room to cut down on mission expenses was just one of those things that had become normal, and after the countless times they'd spent pressed together hiding in ditches, vent shafts, closets and trees, physical closeness really wasn't a big deal anymore.

For Kakashi, there was only one downside to the gradual change between them that had more and more erased the boundaries for how far a friendship could go, adding a new meaning to the word 'partner' that he'd never experienced before, and had rendered them the most effective fighting duo in Konoha: He had grown so accustomed to her presence that he found it difficult to cope without it for longer periods of time.

And that was why she was there in his bed right now.

It was a full psychological process, winding your nerves down after having had them tensed to their maximum for a mission. The feeling of coming home was wonderful, and so was seeing the people you loved, but it didn't mean that everything was just automatically fine once you had stepped through the door in your own home. Coming home meant treating the events of the mission, sorting your mind out and trying to go back to some sort of normal pattern in your life again. If you had the time that was, and wasn't just sent on another mission right away, piling up the work for later.

He let his eyes travel from her serene expression and down to her arms and hands which lay limply stretched out in front of her. They were pale and free from scars as medics hands usually were, a neat side effect of the green chakra that she utilized was that it healed her as well when it passed through her palms. They fascinated him. With all their missions behind them, the scareless skin still let him keep the physical illusion of her being more untainted than other shinobi, and he knew that he wasn't the only one of his fellow ninjas that found the quality appealing.

In a way, the Konoha medics were regarded as holy Madonnas, with Tsunade being the Mater Dolorosa in charge of their temple of Konoha. They had the gruesome job of patching up broken bodies, executing meatball-surgery and trying not to lose their heads during battle so that their teammates would live another day, doubtlessly only to put them in the same horrid situation again, and often sooner more than later.

And for once, Kakashi felt that he might have been good for her in some kind of way. The moments when he'd been so far down that he had needed her to save his life had been kept to a minimum. Actually, their mission completion percentage was over ninety percent, (which was better than his very own personal record), so he figured that they must be doing something right together. Together, him and Sakura…

His mind wandered back to that night in August last year when he'd been laying in his bed, waiting for a sleep that never came to him, desperately denying to himself what the real problem was. They'd been partners for a bit over three years by then, and had just come home from a two-month long stalking mission where they hadn't left each other's sides for more than a few hours at most, let alone a full night. Being suddenly pulled away from her had felt so wrong, and when he'd realized that his new state of normal was 'with Sakura' and not 'without Sakura', it had left him in the first situation in a long time when he was both genuinely surprised and didn't quite know what to do with himself. But it had hurt. It had left an aching in his gut that wouldn't go away.

For a few hours he'd just been laying there in his bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling above him, trying to make some sense of the situation but ever failing. Then there'd been a soft thump outside of his window, and before he'd even sat up to look at the reason for it he'd recognized the chakra. He would have recognized it anywhere.

There had been no words uttered that night, only a nod on his part as he'd opened the window to let her in, and she'd climbed directly into his bed, that same ANBU-nightwear on as always, not waiting for him to make any other sign of permission. When he'd joined her there, he had felt like a child that was seeking comfort because it was afraid of the thunder, and the relief of having her there left him no other choice than to recognize to himself just how much he needed her. Clearly, this kunoichi had more healing qualities than just her hands, and he needed it all.

He had talked to her about living together at breakfast the morning after, avoiding the real reasons, (which were that they were as mentally instable as the day was long and actually needed each other to feel safe), and instead used other arguments concerning space and economy. They were never home anyways, why should they pay double rents? If all they needed was a bedroom and a bit of space to put their stuff in, why not just share a place? She hadn't even blinked before she'd answered him yes. And now, here they were. In his bed. Again. And he still felt like a child escaping from the flash of lightning.

To be completely honest with himself Kakashi didn't like sleeping alone at all anymore, but he wasn't about to tell Sakura that fact. It would doubtlessly lead to them having discussions about things they'd rather leave unsaid anyways. She could accept him needing her the first night back at home again to calm him down and normalize, but that was it. How things worked on missions and how things worked at home had two very different sets of rules, and he wasn't about to push his luck and ruin what they had. And he loved how happy she was at home, the way her smile had so much warmth in it, the way she let her heavy thoughts reside elsewhere as she let herself do all the normal things she needed to feel good. He wouldn't trade her smile for anything, and certainly not to settle his own needs. Then again, maybe he needed her smile just as much as anything. Maybe that need was grater, and he couldn't stand the thought of losing it because of his own selfish behavior.

The fact that he accepted every mission that was thrown at them though was another thing completely, he told himself as he sat up and got out of bed, pulling the t-shirt over his head as he walked out of the room. Certainly, he did no such thing to get to be close to her. He shook his head at his own strange mind. It didn't even sound convincing in his own ears.

He really needed to stop thinking about her this way.

* * *

When Sakura woke up that morning she was alone in Kakashis bed, the door was open and the sound of someone stirring in the kitchen slowly made itself recognizable through her sleepy haze. She sat up slowly, feeling hung over from sleeping for as long as she had, and lazily stood up to stretch before she put on the robe that he'd left on the chair next to the bed for her. What a strangely considerate action from that unsociable man.

"Mornin.'" She mumbled at her roommate as she stepped into the kitchen, rubbing the dust out of her eyes. "Early bird..." Sakura sat herself down on one of the chairs by the kitchen window, looking out the window to find an inch of snow on the cill. Well wasn't that just great…

"Morning sleepyhead." He answered, clearly more awake than she was, and mercifully put down a cup of hot chocolate in front of her which she gratefully accepted. She was still too tired to start up conversation, or eat for that matter, and leaned back in her chair to read the morning paper seeing as Kakashi had picked up an old Icha-Icha. Out of habit she started from the back of the paper, searching out the death ads first, and when she realized that all the people who had died of recent in Konoha were all old people, she smiled a macabre smile and continued to read about the other civil matters of Konoha. Home was still safe.

Not fifteen minutes after Sakura had woken up there was a knock on the door, and Kakashi went to open it. She looked at the clock, and it showed half past ten. Well, the Hokage sure meant business then, and a small frown spread over her face. At the door stood Sasuke and Naruto in their ANBU-uniforms, masks still on and everything, not fooling her for half a second that it wasn't them.

"If you don't shut the damn door soon, someone's going to get hurt." Sakura stated grumpily, putting her paper down, making a mental note to finish the article she'd been reading later. Snow was blowing in through the door, and the chill air got under her skin. "And do take those wretched masks off. Don't be silly." Kakashi turned his back to their old teammates and went back into the kitchen, turning the water cooker on.

"Well, welcome home then." Sasuke said as he shut the door behind them, and Sakura cocked a brow at the amused tone in his voice. Something was definitely up with him. Naruto was just grinning, sitting down next to her and hugging her, carelessly pressing his cold cheek against her and it sent a shiver down her spine.

"You guys actually planning on staying a while this time?" He asked, no hint of hope in his voice, still not letting go of her. Sakura shrugged and ruffled his hair and felt him rest his head on her shoulder. She decided not to care that he was cold, he was too cute.

"Depends on what's in the scroll we got yesterday." She breathed, trying to ignore how unpleasant his cold armor felt against her.

"Troublesome people, stay at home already." She heard Sasuke complain, sitting down opposite her at the kitchen table.

"Like you're one to scold people for never being at home, turtle." She teased, earning the trademark smirk from the Uchiha. She looked at the ANBU-mask in his hand and couldn't help but grin. Tsunade really had given him the turtle mask, thinking it rather funny, and when Sasuke had made a sour face she'd simply said that he should have listened to Naruto earlier and not have stayed away so long. Only the Hokage could get away with calling Sasuke _slow_, and it was one of those things that made Sakura love her shisho.

"Very funny." He muttered, mock-hurt in his voice. Sakura gulped down the last of her chocolate which not nearly as warm anymore.

"You miss us that much?" She yawned, stretching her arms above her head, gently pushing Naruto off her shoulder first. "Nothing from Tsunade then?" She was so hoping that there wasn't but she also knew that it really was just wishful thinking.

"She wants to know if you'll take the mission." Naruto grumbled at her, putting his mask on the table. "It's like she doesn't want you home for more than five minutes at a time." Kakashi shrugged and put his book down, pulling out a teapot and started making tea when the water cooker had finally stopped wheezing.

"She has a lot on her plate right now, it's not like she can help it." He pulled out cups from the cupboard, turning his back against them. "And who can blame her for wanting to send her some of her top shinobi? It guarantees that the job gets done properly." Well, nobody was going to argue with him about that.

There was a moment of comfortable silence before anyone spoke again, and for a second Sakura reflected on the fact that she wouldn't have minded having all three men in the room living with her, like one big, happy and very dysfunctional family. Then she thought about the dishes they would doubtlessly manage to create, and quickly dropped the thought. Ah, the mess they'd make… She shook her head at the thought. What if they were all neighbors then?

"Kakashi, I'm going to open that scroll now." She said, not expecting a response, and not getting one either. He merely poured their tea up and waited for her.

As she came back from the livingroom she saw how Kakashi was standing by the sink, drying their ANBU masks with a tea towel, and how Sasuke and Naruto were sitting with their teacups in their hands, quietly looking out the window. It was snowing again, and the heat from the teapot created steam and condense on the dirty glass, revealing the patterns of hands and fingerprints on it. Their handprints. She leaned onto the doorframe and took in the sight of her precious people. It was the first time she'd seen them all together for quite some time now.

Her boys. _Her_ boys. Her bizarre, wonderful family. The three loves of her life, and she wasn't even sure that they knew about it.

Kakashi walked up to her, handed her the piece of porcelain and quirked a brow at her, and Sakura shook her head. Hopeless people. She was going to become as aloof as her old sensei if she didn't watch herself carefully.

"Ey, Sakura." Naruto said, looking intently at the object in her hands. "Why is your mask all blank? Why don't you have an animal like everyone else?" Sasuke seemed to wake up from his daydreaming as he heard the blonde speak.

"I don't think I've seen those before either." He said, looking from her to Kakashi, who didn't bother to answer. "So, what's up with those?" Sakura shrugged.

"We were doing missions in Snow, and we needed everything to be plain white to camouflage." Sakura turned the mask over, checking for the blood from the night before, and was glad to see it gone. Thankfully, Kakashi was really good at removing bloodstains, but then, you probably learned a few tricks on that subject if you'd been working for as long as he had. "But I'm thinking of keeping it, I suit more as a ghost anyway." She put the mask on and opened the scroll in her hands, suddenly feeling like someone had punched her hard in the gut. Naruto frowned at her.

"It looks creepy on you. You look like an Onryō, with the white robe and all on you." Sakura blinked a few times, then looked up at her old friend.

"Have you seen the mission?" She asked, voice weak with disbelief. Narutos frown grew deeper.

"Get that mask off, it really does make you seem even scarier than usual."

But Sakura didn't move, letting the remark fall off her and merely held the scroll in a cramping grip in front of her. Tsunade had been right, it really was a mission that was bound to scar her for life. And it wouldn't be very difficult to accomplish, at least not in the physical sense.

Something fell down from the scroll, but she didn't want to look at what was most definitely the picture of the target for their assassination. The picture of a…

No, she couldn't even bring herself to think it, and she tried to stop her eyes from manically reading the information on the scroll over and over again, but failed.

Target: Takahashi Akane

Rank: -

Village: -

Gender: Female

Age: 12

Objective: Assassination

She pulled her mask of slowly and tipped her head forward, staring at the picture that had just fluttered down to her feet. A little girl. An orphan. They wanted her to kill a civilian child. How could Tsunade even consider it?

"I'd rather be a mother ghost than this, I should think." She bent down to pick the picture up from the floor, feeling the eyes of the men in the room follow her as she moved. "At least they protect..."

The smile of the girl in the picture made Sakuras heart ache. Somebody wanted her dead. Why? She felt angry tears building up in her eyes, and thought that maybe she should work for free just for once, finding the poor souls of the people who had ordered the mission.

"Sakura?" Kakashis voice called to her from outside of the haze in her mind.

"Huh?" She looked up at him, smiling a crooked, joyless smile. "There is too much money in the world, sensei." She felt his hand on her own, and how he removed the scroll and the picture from her tight grip. "Or maybe, too little humanity… like I guessed, right?" She heard more than felt her mask slide out of her hand and hit the floor. "A child…" She felt her breath hitch and stared up into Kakashis seemingly dull eyes. "A child." She repeated, feeling the world spin around her. What an absolutely awful way to start a day in.

She let her knees give in under her and she leaned her back against the wall as she soundlessly slid down to the floor. Hot tears were running down her cheeks. Indeed, what was wrong with the world?

After a few moments of white anger and the feeling of being utterly powerless building up inside her, she looked up at the three men who had moved closer to her. Their faces were blank, revealing nothing of the feelings that radiated from them through their chakra: Concern, distress and sympathy. She didn't blame them for having their stony faces either, she knew that she reacted the same way whenever one of them broke down. They waited for her to make a sign of what she wanted from them, waited so they could give her what she felt that she needed.

She reached a hand up, and Naruto pulled her from the floor, stepping back to give her some space to stand and then smiled softly at her. Sakura reached down for the mask that was still on the floor and nearly winced at the cold feeling of it against her hand. A ghost. She was a ghost.

"I want breakfast." She said as she stood up straight again, giving a deep sigh. "Anybody want to come along to Ichirakus?"

* * *

For once, not being at home felt like a very good idea, and she didn't mind the cold wind as the four of them made their way to Tsunades office. She'd read the rest of the mission scroll as they were eating their ramen, and it whilst it had done less than nothing to help her calm down, it had felt good to get it done with all the same.

The child was indeed a civilian child, but as much as Sakura wanted to and searched her head for other solutions to the problems that surrounded the poor creature, she found it to be a merciful act to execute the girl. Because it would be an execution, there was no doubt about that. And if a few other people died along with her, people who had destroyed her in the first place, who was going to blame her?

Clearly, money did have an awful effect on certain people, and the ugly truth was that if you wanted something and you had enough money for it, you bought it. She clenched her fist around the scroll in her pocked and tried to repress the awful information, but to her great distress it blurred through her mind as clear as ever. How the hell were shinobi expected to ever get a full night of sleep with shit like this thrown at them?

* * *

**Aniara: Ancient Greek ἀνιαρός, meaning sad or despairing.**

**Onryō: One of the versions of the ghost is a kind mother who loves her children so much she travels back as a spirit to give them gifts and candy, and protects them from other evils. They are (usually) dressed in a white kimono, are pale as paper and have messy hair. There are more versions of this kind of ghost, but this is the one I chose to use in my example.**

**Oh, and do review! :)**


	3. Aniara II

**Right, so any comments on this story would be useful. I'm pretty sure where I'm heading with it, but if there's any ideas you have on it, feel free to share... :)**

* * *

Aniara II

As the darkness fell over Konoha on the second evening that Sakura had spent at home, she grabbed her heavy, stoneware yellow cup of steaming hot tea and decided to call it a night. She was exhausted, disturbing images blazing mercilessly through her head, stirring memories of missions and other things that she'd repressed so long that she wasn't about to start dealing with them now.

She walked barefoot, dressed in the same old standard ANBU-pajamas as always, and the cold floor beneath her made her shiver unpleasantly. Sitting down on her own, equally cold and rather unused bed, she put the hot cup of tea on the narrow windowsill next to it and picked up a book on parasites that she'd promised herself to read. Unfortunately for Sakura though, not even the disgusting pictures of mutated lice changed her course of thought, and after an hour of trying to force it she decided to put it down. Then she just sat there, staring aimlessly at the empty white wall in front of her that badly needed something hung on it.

"Sakura? You awake?"

Kakashis voice broke her thoughts, shattering her nerves like throwing a stone through glass, and her eyes must have betrayed her as she turned her head towards him. He didn't ask, he didn't even blink, he just stepped in and closed the door behind him, supposedly out of habit. There was nobody to shut the door on, so the action was purely symbolic. The only person in the world who could sneak up on her. It was a good thing that he was on her team.

"Not really." She answered absentmindedly, looking from the wall to him, to his ink stained hands and then down onto the floor. He sat down next to her in silence, and she knew he was giving her that lazy look again. He always did when he wanted her to speak first, and he knew that she would eventually. This time though, she had no idea of how to start things. How did you begin a conversation such as this anyway?

"Did you ever kill a child?" Sakura asked before she could stop herself, looking at him to see if his face betrayed any emotion and silently cursing her own verbal ineptness. For a while there was only silence, and Kakashi closed his eyes before he answered her.

"Not like this." He answered calmly, looking at her again. Another minute passed by in silence. "You should let me do this. You shouldn't even… You should stay here. Work at the hospital. Forget about this and just let me do it." He wasn't looking at her anymore.

"We've never split up during all these years, I'm not letting you go solo now." Sakura replied plainly, smiling the same fake smile he used to pull on her when he was trying to convince her that everything was fine, when it clearly wasn't. But it soon failed her as Kakashi, to her great surprise, made a deep frown at her. "She needs to be put out of her misery. If that's all I can do to help her in this life, you have to let me do it."

"I've got the names. Genma looked me up and had them all written down for me. Turns out your blond friend had good friends in the intelligence department and wanted the bad guys gone as well. Seems Tsunade got drunk and blabbed to her about it when she was in briefing her..."

"All the names? How many are there?" Kakashi visibly cringed, pulling out a scroll from one of the pockets in his pants.

"Four major. And a list of old… costumers of about ten or so. Some of them are pretty big fish, so they'll come with some kind of security that we need to undo first, but nothing we haven't done before."

"Ino always was such a good friend of mine…" Sakura mumbled, opening the scroll and eyeing the names on the list. Businessmen and women. A cousin of the Daimyo of snow. Thankfully enough, no shinobi. They'd just have to be discreet.

"Tell me Kakashi, how do you feel about working for free?"

"You know I'll go where you go. And money's not a problem for two workaholics like us…" She looked up at him, and there was no hint of jester in his voice, nor in his face. Just the rare sincerity that he showed her once in a blue moon. Though it seemed like a lot more often now than ever before.

"Promise me that you won't try to talk me out of this, that you'll stick with me until this damn nightmare is over and they can't ever do… these things… again." She gestured towards the second column next to the names and descriptions of the people on the scroll, where Ino had made sure to get down even the revolting details of their offences. "Promise you won't leave me…" Her eyes were burning hot and watery as she looked up at Kakashi with a pleading stare, but they both knew she wouldn't cry. All that they said was _'I need you with me'_. She'd ran out of tears years ago, and though she'd never told him why, and he'd never asked, he knew that this was about as close as she'd get to doing so.

He couldn't stand to see her like this, it clashed so hard with everything he felt for her and he needed to make it stop. She was his strong, authoritative, brilliant Haruno Sakura. Of course he'd go with her, whatever made her think that he'd even contemplate leaving her side? So, sighing a small, hopeless sigh, he let one of his warm hand caress her face, and his thumb brushed away invisible tears on her cheek.

"How could I ever leave you?" He finally answered, voice quiet and weak. "I can't even sleep without you close to me. I…"But he stopped himself from saying another word, seeing as Sakuras facial expression had changed from utter hopeless desperation to something softer, not actually smiling, but as close to it as she could get at the moment, or so he guessed. _I love you, I need you, I can't be without you._ "As I said, I'll go where you go."

"I'm sorry Kakashi." She responded, voice about as quiet and weak as his, closing her eyes and leaning into his hand ever so slightly. "I made it sound like I doubted you. I just needed reassurance, I'm not feeling to well at the moment. Just… I'm sorry." Said man felt that he had to chuckle a little.

"No I'm sorry, I'm just edgy about all of this as well." Well, that was at least a half-true answer. "Everyone needs some comforting sometimes." He let his hand drop to his side again, and Sakura opened her eyes. She looked exhausted, and he should probably leave her to let her catch up on her sleep, but he was still hesitant to do so. He didn't like the thought of her reveling in her harsh, dark thoughts alone.

"I guess you're right, as usual." She shrugged and shifted her eyes to the wall again, which was still bare and white and boring, and far too stark for her liking. Somehow, her own bedroom was one of the places that felt the least like home in all of Konoha. She liked it a lot better in Kakashis room, it just seemed nicer, or maybe it was just the fact that when she was in there, she was with him and everything always seemed plain better when he was around. Better as in calmer, safer, and a whole lot nicer. And she always slept better if the last thing she smelt was his cologne.

In so many ways, she loved that first night after they got home from missions. She'd stay with him in his room, in his bed, and feel all those good things if even just for a little while, for a single short night. No mission, no angst over what they were going to do in the morning, no thoughts of unsolved problems that couldn't wait until the morning, no inventing of strategies on how to be most effective this time. Just a soft bed, a safe man, a velvety smell of cologne that lulled her sweetly to sleep. It was the best feeling in the whole world, if anyone ever asked her.

As he finally stood up to leave, Sakura so badly wanted to tell him not to. She wanted him to stay, to lay there with her, to make her feel safe again, to taint her scentless sheets with his smell. But she couldn't. It was against the rules, this strange set of rules that they'd silently made up together, the ones that separated mission from home, the only exception to that being the first night. Tonight it was the second night, the one where she slept alone, and she hated it. It made her feel so damn lonely she wanted to cry, but she couldn't even do that. _Seriously, get a hold of yourself girl, you make it sound like you want something more with him than you already have._

"Do you ever need comforting?" She more sighed than spoke, raising her eyebrows at her own question and pondered if they had any of that chocolate ice-cream left in the freezer. Her partner stopped in the doorway, holding the knob in the palm of his hand, turning his head back to look at her, his dark eye dull as he studied her face.

"What do you think first night home is for?"

Sakura bit her bottom lip and cursed herself inwardly. They'd never actually talked about it. It had just happened. That first time he'd come to her, he'd said that he couldn't sleep, and she'd just moved over and let him lay down next to her. Back to back, just like on missions. When she'd woken up, he was still sleeping next to her, and their hands had grabbed hold of each other sometime during the night. She hadn't moved. She'd let him get up first. She didn't know why she had stayed, but it had felt right just then. And sometimes, it still did.

"Normalizing." She replied softly, looking up at him, smiling a genuine and warm smile, knowing full well that the word didn't suffice. But she didn't dare to say anything more. It scared her how much she needed him. "I don't like admitting to myself that I have weaknesses." Kakashi turned around and gave her a small smile, brows furrowing.

"You think it's a sign of weakness to need something like that?"

"I think it's a sign of weakness to need anything." She heard him chuckle.

"Hm. So it's because we're so _weak_ together that we work so _well_ together?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Then tell me what you mean Sakura."

"Do I really have to?" She frowned slightly and threw a look at her now ice cold teacup. Damn. She'd forgotten all about that.

"I think you'd better. I don't like to think that I'm just some weakness that is holding you down or something." Oh great, now he was toying with her. There was definitely badly hidden amusement in that voice.

"You're not holding me down. But yes Kakashi. You are my weakness. Happy?"

No answer.

It took a second for Sakura to actually realize what she'd just said, and it made her blush something incredible in pure shock at her own words. And the worst thing was that they were completely true. Weakness was a really bad for it too, she realized, but it summed up so many things that she felt about him. And weakness was just the negative word for caring, wasn't it?

When she dared to look up at the frustrating man that had made her say what she just had, the stunned look on his face did nothing to calm her down.

"I didn't mean it the way that it sounded." Her words made him snap back to reality. Had she really just said that?

"You seem to have troubles saying what you really mean to, Sakura." The way that he said her name made her tremble slightly. It was much more intense than what she was used to.

"Well I meant that I care about you." She sighed and put her head in her hands, and he furrowed his brows slightly again, smiling widely. Well, that _was_ exactly what it had sounded like to him. The poor girl must be tired then. Or just completely oblivious.

"I know that. But I think you've got the weakness bit all wrong." He knelt down in front of her, moved her hands away and inspected her face, cheeks still matching her hair in color and eyes nervously looking down at him. "We're strong together _because_ we need each other. And the reasons why I get weak around you are totally different." Clearly, nothing he was saying right now helped her blushing, and he was quite happy about that. She was smiling again.

"You don't need to throw those clichés at me. I'm not Sasuke you know." Kakashi shrugged and stood back up, figuring the torture of Sakura could go on just a little bit longer.

"Could have fooled me. If it hadn't been for those gorgeous legs of yours." The pretty girl with the gorgeous legs flushed completely red again, glaring halfheartedly at him. He moved towards the door, he would so need a drink after this.

"I can't believe you just said that."

"I could go on all day." _Shut up shut up shut up!_

"You have to stop that…" She ran a hand through her hair, smiling a lovely embarrassed smile, and stood up and walked over to him. "I'm having ice-cream if we have any. Do you want some?"

"You know I don't like sweet things." She pouted. _Pouted_. Maybe he knew one sweet thing he might like. Had he seriously just thought that to himself?

"Not even me?" She sang, and he realized just a little too late that he'd been staring, and apparently so did she, because she blushed full force again. For the hundredth time that evening, Sakura cursed to herself. She really needed to stop saying these things. The flirting was getting just a little too blunt, to say the least.

"Is there something you want, Sakura-chan?" He said finally, keeping an arm's length between them. He did _not_ want to do something stupid right now, and it would have been all too easy to be just that. Stupid. Like the way he was still staring at her.

"Yes." She answered finally, nervously running a hand through her hair again. "I.." Was he staring at her? "I need to sleep next to you tonight." His silent nod for an answer did nothing to calm her nerves. "The mission scroll messed with my head, and now I have awful pictures in my head that won't go away."

"It's okay. Of course it's okay." He looked at his bedroom door, then at her and shrugged slightly. "You know my door is always open to you." Did she really know that? Sakura wasn't all that sure that she had. Her head had been all full of invisible rules that they'd made up together, right? Was it all in her head?

"Thanks." She said quietly, taking a step towards him, catching him completely off-guard as she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him close, hiding her face in his shirt, breathing in his smell and feeling that warm feeling that kept her mind from thinking about anything else. "Maybe it's not so bad to need someone." She mumbled into his chest, feeling him chuckle weakly, and how he hummed in response.

She didn't know how long she'd been standing there holding on to him, or how long he'd been stroking her hair, or when she'd decided to let go and pull him by the hand into his bedroom, but somehow she'd managed to let him go, even if parts of her were screaming for her to get back .

As she'd climbed into his bed this time, and Kakashi had started taking off his clothes to change into his own pajamas, she didn't look away from him. She sat herself up, leaned her back against the wall and regarded him from her perfect spot in the dimly lit room.

"Since when do you look at me like that?" He said, voice as normal as ever, if maybe a little lower, pulling off his wool sweater and undoing his belt. Sakura shrugged.

"Since when do you comment on my legs?"

"Since when do you ask if I like you even if I don't like sweet things?" Another shrug from the girl on the bed, currently tipping her head to the side, taking in the picture of her partially undressed former sensei.

"Hm. Alright then." And she let in hang there just long enough for him to get properly undressed down to his mask and underwear. "No wonder the girls try to peek at you in the Onsen." He shook his head at her.

"And here you sit, first row tickets I bet they'd kill for." He switched the light of and walked up to the bed, and Sakura laid down as he climbed in to bed with her.

"They would die if they knew that we slept in the same bed..."

"People are a bit sensitive like that…" Kakashi pulled the blanket up over him, still turned against her. "Now turn around." Sakura did as she was told, more than a little surprised, and a little bit hurt. And then she felt his arm snake in below her pillow and how the other one wrapped itself around her waist.

"It would be too easy to get used to this you know…" She mumbled sleepily, all the tension she'd had leaving her body in a single breath.

"I surely hope so…" The safe man who was currently shielding her from the world answered, letting his warm breath hit her skin.

It took Kakashi about five seconds of laying next to her to realize the huge mistake that he'd made that night. Five seconds in and he was already used to this, and he knew that he'd never stand to be without it again if he could help it. She only needed this tonight, and he'd need it… Did need have an ending to it? Damned it all to hell. Haruno Sakura…

_I'm so in love with you._


	4. Dance Macabre

Thank's a whole bunch for all the positive response I've gotten on this! Somehow I still get so damn surprised when I see the reviews I get. It's awesome! So, here's another chapter for you. :)

* * *

As Kakashi awoke that morning, he realized to his great misfortune and happiness that Sakura was still in his bed, in his arms, pressing her soft skin against his. He felt her stomach and chest rise and fall as she breathed, steady and deep, but he could still tell that she wasn't sleeping. The fact confused him. Why was she still there?

"You're awake." Sakura mumbled, shifting slightly under the covers, pulling away what little blanket that was between them and moved her hand to put it over his. He didn't trust his voice with a proper answer and merely hummed in response.

"Hm…" He sighed into her muzzled hair, wishing for the time to be merciful and stop right then and there. He could lie like this for ever. He didn't want to think about her reasons to stay with him right now, he didn't want to think about that it would eventually end and they'd have to get up. He'd be fine with remaining there indefinitely.

"Are things going to be weird if I don't get up right now?" He heard her say, voice muffled and still rather sleepy.

"It'll be whatever we decide to make it." Kakashi answered, closing his eyes again to pretend it was night and that there were no problems, and nothing weird about the situation. What happened when you broke the invisible rules? Maybe they were in some sort of grey-zone, they had technically started to discuss the mission last night, so maybe this behavior was okay?

"I don't want to get up and face the world today." She whispered, clenching his hand slightly, unaware of how she was pressing her body closer to his. The fact was not unnoticed by Kakashi though, who merely held her a little closer.

"I'll close the blinds if you want to shut it out…" The woman in his arms sighed.

"But then you'd have to get up…" Another sigh from her. "And everything is so safe when you're here. Don't go."

So Kakashi didn't move for another while, and they didn't say anything to one another. For once, they just let things be, no second thoughts, no question about what they were doing. She'd said that she wanted him here, and he complied her, savoring the moment. Like a pocket in time they'd just made for themselves. A second wave of sleep hit them after some time, and they didn't get up until noon that day.

* * *

"You need a new pair of fingerless gloves." Sakura said distantly, back turned towards Kakashi, chopping up a piece of eggplant. "Or rather, a few of them. I'm going to pick some gear up at the office, I could get a pack for you."

"That would be nice of you." Kakashi answered, voice equally distant, pulling out a bottle of soda water from the fridge. "I'll finish our last report while you're gone then."

"Hm." Sakura scraped the vegetables off the cutting board, pulled a small pad and a pen from the table and leaned her side onto the wall. "Is there anything else that you need while I'm at it?" Kakashi shrugged.

"I don't think so. Is your medkit still complete?" He stood up and stirred the food around a little. "And don't you need to have a checkup at the hospital before we go anywhere?" Sakura shrugged again.

"I'm going to get Ino to do it today. I'll pick up a new medkit as well I guess…"

"Good. Formalities and all that…"

"Hm." She wrote down some groceries she'd pick up on the way home. "Anything you want from the store?" He shrugged again.

"Nah, not since we're leaving tomorrow."

"So much for having some time at home." Sakura sighed.

"Oh, we'll be home in no time. And then we're not taking any more missions for at least a month or so." He answered plainly, adding some onion to the soup.

"What makes you so sure of that?" Sakura asked, a little perplexed, and he turned around to face her, eyes dull as ever, not revealing a thing.

"Because it's the only chance I have to help you out of this misery. It has to be done quickly or it will crack you." He raised his eyebrows slightly, looking closely at her. "And I like you too much the way you are to let that happen." Said girl let her lids fall and leaned back onto the wall.

"Alright. I just need to go to the temple before we leave. I haven't been there in ages."

"I could pick the stuff up at headquarters if you want to." Slits of green eyed him carefully.

"The food's done. And I'll go to headquarters, it's no problem, I'm going to see Ino anyways, she works there." She put the pen and pad on the table, pulled the pot away from the blue flame and poured the miso into two small bowls. "I'll be fine. And you're right." They sat down and picked up their chopsticks. "It probably would drive me crazy to be on that mission for too long."

"I know." He answered softly, propping some of the eggplant in his mouth. "But it's really all selfish." Sakura shrugged, and scowled a little at the way he pulled up his mask to just below his nose. She'd never get to see his face completely bare, would she?

"Is that so?" She sighed tiredly, wishing she'd had some of that energy she'd had as a genin. Maybe she would have stalked him still then? On the other hand, if she didn't even get to see his face when she spent nearly all of her time with him, maybe she never would.

"Hm…" He hummed affirmatively, chewing thoughtfully, not answering her.

"How so?" Kakashi pulled his mask down again, correcting it around his neck. _Because I need to see you smile._

"Because I could never replace you as a medic. There's nobody as good as you, you've simply ruined me for all other medics on the planet." Sakura quirked a brow at his obvious lie.

"Hm." She slurped down the last of her soup, regarding him over the rim of the black, lacquered bowl. "I could take some of my precious time to call your bullshit, but I've just got too much to do right now." She said finally in an amused tone, smiling at him. "And hey… Thanks for watching out for me… and all that stuff." She put her bowl down and rested her head in her hand, ever smiling at him. He kept his eyes plain, looking at her in silence from the other side of the table. The bright sunlight shining in through the dirty window made him seem almost deadly pale.

"It really bothers me when you're not happy." He said flatly, leaning back in his chair and keeping his eyes fixated on her. "It makes it feel like something's missing. I don't like it. That's my selfish reason." A deep redness crept over Sakuras cheeks and down her neck, and she choked slightly on her breath. She really was so very pretty… "But I guess it's as good a weakness as any…" A mischievous smile spread across his face, and she could have sworn that he winked at her. Kakashi winked? Since when?

"Maybe they're not all bad…" She answered after collecting her thoughts and catching her breath. She threw a look up at the clock above the kitchen door, realizing that if she was going to get Ino to abandon the rest of her activities for the day, she needed to hit the door soon. "Are you going out tonight?" She asked him absentmindedly, tearing off the paper with the shopping list from the pad.

"Not when we're leaving early tomorrow I'm not." He responded, picking up her bowl and putting them in the dishes. "You want me to organize your stuff for tomorrow?"

"I guess." Sakura sighed, watching how he rolled up his sleeves to start washing the dishes. She wasn't awoken from her daze until the citric smell of the soap that he used hit against her. "Hey." She said suddenly, not knowing what she wanted to say, so she didn't say anything. She leaned her head slightly to the side, studying him carefully, wondering at how normal the situation was. Who knew that it could be so interesting to watch a man washing dishes?

"Hey." He answered, not continuing his sentence further either. He knew how much she needed that dose of normal, even more than he did.

"I really owe you." She breathed finally, and he heard her walk up to him and wasn't surprised as he felt her arms wrap themselves around his waist, hugging him close. "I'll be back as soon as I can." She whispered, and he nodded quietly at her. And then she was gone again.

* * *

If Sakura hadn't known her for most of her life, she was certain that she would have found Yamanaka Ino the second most intimidating woman she'd ever met. Second only to Tsunade herself, of course. After she'd joined the ANBU, Ino had quickly been picked up by Ibiki, who'd made her his official apprentice. To Sakura, that fact alone was unnerving enough, and those few times they actually had time to see each other it was quite evident that Ino was no better that Sakura was. Jaded, effective and excelling at what they'd decided to make their own thing.

She knocked on the door, heard some kind of shout from inside the office, and decided to open the door. Ino sat behind her desk as usual, and Sakura noted that she'd had a lot of her furnishings changed for metal pieces. Even her desk was in stainless steel. The practical side of the kunoichi reflected upon the fact that it must be easier to clean that way, and then she realized that she really didn't want to know what was being cleaned off them.

"Hi there! Long time, no see!" Ino said, smiling brightly and standing up to greet her, and it nearly seemed unnatural in the environment she was standing in. She was dressed in a black, waist long kimono with a dark violet obi tied around it, and a knee length black skirt over her mesh leggings. Her hair hung free over her shoulders, and she wasn't wearing any makeup. But her smile really was genuine and happy.

"I missed you too." Sakura answered, walking up to her friend and hugging her closely, and she smiled as she realized that she wore the lily of the valley perfume that she'd gotten her for her birthday.

"You here for your annual checkup?" She sang, pulling out a file from the stack on her desk. The only medical one, marked with a blue edge, the rest were a migraine turquoise color.

"If you have time for it." She looked up at her friend who was currently fuzzing with her pencil.

"You are all that I have time for right now." Ino answered glumly, giving her a look that made Sakura cringe.

"I'll kill them all, you know that right?"

"Well, I didn't go through all that shit just because Genma asked me nicely."

"Hm. I'm really sorry about all this."

"Long as you kill them really good. I could torture them if you wish…" A dangerous smile fell over Inos lips, and Sakura didn't like it one bit.

"I'll just do it myself if you don't mind actually…" Sakura said, wishing the strange look on her friends face away.

"Alrighty then…" Ino pulled out a form and held it out to her. "I'm not giving you a physical. If you want to die, I can't stop you anyways. All I need is this filled out, and then I'll let you go. I don't need a therapy session with you to know that you're just as fucked up as I am. If not worse."

"Thanks… I think." Sakura answered, filling out the questions mechanically. "Hey, I've a question for you…" Ino looked up at her, the warm smile back on her face.

"Anything."

"Well… Can you delete memory?" Ino furrowed her brows at her.

"In a way… Why? How do you mean?" Sakura sighed and sat down opposite the metal desk, and Ino leaned in and looked intently at her.

"The little girl… She's insane because… well you already know why." She ran her hands over her face, drawing in a deep breath. "How much memory can you remove without rendering her insane from it?" She let her eyes meet with her friend's again, but she only met what she'd expected to. The soft, sad look that she knew meant that…

"It would most likely kill her. It's far too much. I'm sorry Sakura."

"Hell."

"I know."

"I hate this world."

"Hah. Me too. But I have some hope when I think about you." Sakura laughed at her statement.

"You really don't think much of the world then." Ino shrugged.

"You know why." Sakura shook her head at her statement.

"I'm off to the temple. Want to join me?" Ino shrugged, then nodded and stood up, grabbing her long leather coat and pulled on her knee-high boots. She always came along.

"Promise me you won't take any more missions for a while after this one." Ino said softly as they walked down the corridor, turning the head of nearly every single male as they did. Sakura had to smile.

"You still known as the queen bitch of the interrogation department?" The blonde next to her gave a short laugh.

"Actually, I've been promoted to the queen bitch of all of ANBU if I'm not all too mistaken. And why settle for less…" But Sakura noted how there was no amusement in her voice. "And Shikamaru still treats me like a fucking kid. Like I'm just some stupid girl he can boss around and…" Ino drew a deep breath, and Sakura realized that she smelled like cigarette smoke. "And I didn't mean to spill my can of emotion on you like that. Sorry."

"You want me to talk to him for you?" Sakura grinned widely at her, making Ino let out an exasperated sigh.

"Thanks', but I think I'll manage…"

"You know I can't stand bullies."

"Well, for your information, neither does Genma."

"Hm?" Sakura looked up at Ino with a curious look on her face, and Ino smiled cheekily at her.

"Let's talk about that when you get back from this mission. It's complicated…"

* * *

The temple that Ino and Sakura went to visit was in rather close to the western gate, and they walked to one of the smaller shrines next to the main building where most people were. The sun was weak and white, making the snowy landscape around them seem even colder. The building itself was very small by temple standards, ten people would probably fit at the same time, but Sakura was glad to see that it was empty.

She'd brought a bouquet of soft grey winter lilies, (on Inos recommendation of course), that she placed carefully around the small stone figurine she'd put there. The years had gone by so fast, and it felt like ages ago that she'd brought it here. And at the same time, it might as well have been yesterday.

She saw how Ino walked up to one of the small, round altars and lit some swirls of frankincense, heard her mumble a prayer in thanks and then stood up again. Then she went over to Sakura and took her by the hand, and as her best friend let her thumb circle a calming pattern on her skin, Sakura began to sing an old lullaby. It was the same one that her mother had sung to her, and that she would have sung to her own child, had it ever been born. No tears, not even a tremble on her voice as she finished the old song, not a blink of hesitation as she left the small, white building. Not caring as she saw people throwing her and Ino wondering looks. Nothing. Not even when she heard Ino dry the tears from her own eyes.

"This is why this place doesn't deserve to kiss your feet." Ino grumbled, still holding Sakuras hand as they walked down the silent streets of Konoha.

"Don't say that." Sakura sighed, turning her head up to the sky in search of snow. The sky was so heavy, it was amazing that it hadn't just fallen down on them yet.

"Nobody has sacrificed as much as you have. And people don't even get it." Ino continued, clutching her hand a little harder.

"Ino…" Sakura looked up at her friend, smiling slightly. "Long as I have my precious people."

"You know that Tsunade nearly banned pregnant women from working after that?" Ino said quietly, eyes and cheeks still red and wet from crying, trying to smile a brave smile. "Not that it would have stopped you anyways." Sakura shrugged and pulled the tall blonde in for a hug.

"You can't not let people work because chakra drainage might hurt them. They won't listen anyways." She felt Inos hot tears on her cheek and pulled away slightly, smiling a weak smile, and pulled out a handkerchief to wipe some of the wetness off. "I love you too much to ever let you go on my watch. And I don't regret it."

At this, Ino threw her arms around Sakura, and the pride of the Yamanaka clan, the woman that could scare even the most experienced ANBU-agents, sobbed tears of guilt onto Sakuras black wool coat. "I… I love you too." She said finally, pulling back from the woman who had sacrificed so much for her. Wiping her hears from her face, she regained her focus and attempted to smile again. "Do you want me to come along on this mission?" The question was sincere, but Sakura shook her head at the suggestion.

"You know I only work with Kakashi if I get a say." Ino nodded, the small smile settling on her face.

"Still nothing between you two?" Sakura frowned slightly, then shook her head.

"It's… complicated." She stated, making Inos smile a little wider.

"Well, tell me something that all of Konoha don't already know…"

* * *

"Here." Sakura threw a pack of black, fingerless gloves on the table in front of Kakashi. He looked up from his Icha-Icha.

"Thanks." He picked up the pack and opened it, trying on all three pairs to make sure they were whole and fit properly. "There'll be food in an hour or so." She nodded quietly and looked at his hands and he tried on the last pair.

"It's really cold outside." She let her gaze move to the window. Finally the sky had decided to let some of its pressure go, and it snowed heavily outside.

"Hm." Kakashi hummed in agreement, taking off the gloves and putting them back on the table. He looked up at her and studied her distant eyes. There was a delicate, melancholy beauty to them that made him unable to tear his own away from her.

"I think…" She started, regaining her focus, looking straight at him. "I think I want to lie down for a while before I eat anything. I don't feel too well." She cocked her head to the side, and there was something pleading in her eyes again, like there had been yesterday. He wasn't going to let her ask for it more than she already had.

"Well, you're coming with me then." He said softly, stood up and walked towards his room, hearing her follow right behind him.

His bedroom floor was cold, and he just reflected on that his bed was as well as he sat himself down on it, waiting for her to join him. But she didn't. She was standing in front of him in the twilight, a thin streak of light coming in from the hallway. And she was getting undressed.

He wasn't supposed to look, but he did anyways, and she knew he was watching.

"You gave me front row tickets yesterday." She said, voice low and barely audible, untying her burgundy obi, letting it drop carelessly to the floor.

"It doesn't mean that you owe me anything." Kakashi sighed, starting to pull of his own sweater.

"Hm." She let her green kimono fall to the floor over the obi, revealing a simple set of black cotton underwear and black over-knee socks. "Don't you want it?" Kakashi startled for a second, then resumed undoing his belt. These were dangerous waters.

"Don't I want what?" She shrugged and walked over to the bed, socks still on, and sat down on it.

"Don't you want to look at me?" How did she manage to make the question to sound so damn innocent?

"Well…" He started, kicking his pants off, sitting down next to her. _I only ever look at you. _"I'm not turning down tickets like that, you know. That would just be ungrateful."

"Hm…" She hummed, climbing down under the covers. Had she really needed to keep the socks on? They just happened to show off her legs so damn nicely… He climbed in under his own blanket, not knowing quite what to do with himself. "Hey, Kakashi?"

"Yeah?" He mumbled, quite annoyed with himself. Wasn't his self-control better than this?


	5. Chapter 5

This one is going under a bit of a rewrite, so it's going to be another while before it's updated. Just giving heads up.


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