Glee 1. The Start

**A/N: I know I have a lot of stories going these days, but I was asked to do this one and I really liked the prompt and on top of the heartbreaker Thursday I think we deserve something good. I hope you will enjoy this. _WARNINGS: angst, violence, possibly alcohol, definitely sex_. Further warnings will be added later if needed. Prompt on GKM. I would post a link here, but it seems like it always screws up when I try doing that. Sorry.**

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Blaine was only five years old the first time he felt it. He was sitting in his bedroom and luckily Cooper wasn't home. It was Tuesday afternoon in the beginning of April, he remembered the time clearly because he had just been writing his wish list for his birthday. He was playing with his ninja turtles, something he only really got to when his older brother wasn't there, because he would always either take his action figures or tell him that they were stupid.

Suddenly everything changed. He wasn't looking forward to his birthday anymore. He wasn't enjoying playing with his ninja turtles. He wasn't even enjoying the sun bathing his bedroom in warm sunbeams. All Blaine could do was drop his figurines and run out of his room to find his mom.

The first thing his mom noticed was the tears streaming down her son's cheeks when he entered her office.

"Baby, what's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?" His mom asked worried as she pushed away her papers and allowed her child to crawl into her lap.

"Mommy, I'm scared," he cried and grabbed a fistful of her blue blouse.

As any mother would do she started rocking back and forth with a hand brushing over his hair and one stroking his back. But as hard as she tried her consoling sounds of cooing and comfort didn't do her much good.

"Why are you scared, honey? Tell me what happened," she tried asking, determined to investigate what could possibly have induced this fear in her baby boy.

"I don't know. I don't know. I'm just so afraid," he wailed, even though it was more because he didn't know how to put it into words. The feeling was too much for his heart and brain to contain and digest.

Which was the honest to god truth. Blaine had no idea why he was scared and felt empty inside. One moment he had been in the middle of a fight with Raphael versus Michelangelo and the next moment he felt alone and sad – and like something very important was missing. He wasn't able to keep the tears back, and there was a pain in his chest that he had never felt before. The feeling of all-consuming despair was so powerful and frightening that all he could do was cry.

The feeling continued throughout the day. Blaine didn't leave his mom for a second, and whenever she had to leave to go to the bathroom or cook dinner he cried even more. Slowly he realized that the thing he was most afraid of was losing his mom.

Blaine stayed home from school the next day and the day after. The feeling of sadness and loneliness didn't go away and he spontaneously burst into crying. The following Tuesday his mom took him to a doctor. He sat in the chair while the doctor examined him and asked him questions. He listened to his mom explain the doctor about the past week but Blaine's only concern was to make sure that his mom didn't let go of his hand. Which was the reason he threw a fit when the doctor said that he needed to speak to his mom in private and Blaine was to sit with the secretary for a moment. It felt like ages before she returned but her face was glowing and when she picked him up she kissed his forehead and said; "_You are one lucky little angel!_"

That was all Blaine remembered from the first time he had the feelings.

**xXx**

The first time Kurt felt it he was four.

It was a Saturday and his mom had dressed him in his favorite clothes before they had invited his dad for a tea party in the garden.

He was having fun and for some reason he was feeling just a bit more happy than he used to when his parents gave into playing with him. He figured it was the way his parents cared for him and the way the sun was shining that made him more giddy than usual, but somehow he knew that there was more to it.

He was in the middle of a chuckling explanation to his dad about how to properly hold the teacup when he suddenly got a weird suction in his stomach. It was uncomfortable and his cheeks started flaming. He hadn't done anything wrong so he had no idea why he suddenly felt so ashamed. His dad was playing along, but still it was like no one understood him, even though he saw his dad following his instructions.

"I don't really feel like playing anymore," Kurt mumbled and put his cup to the table.

"You alright, kiddo?" His dad asked and sent his mom a glance. Kurt simply shook his head and got to his feet to go inside.

The rest of the day Kurt spent curled up on the couch with the weird suction in his belly and not feeling like doing anything. It slowly drifted off and he didn't think further of it after.

**xXx**

Neither of the boys was troubled much by the feelings anymore than that. They went on with their lives in each end of a sleepy town in Ohio. Sometimes they would feel an misplaced rush of emotions – adrenaline, happiness, pride, sadness, or any other emotion. They never knew where it came from, they just knew that it was from something bigger than themselves.

They lived with it. Never knew when it would catch them off guard and never knew what to do about it other than let the emotion in question fill them and let them enjoy it or hate it for however long it would last.

It was only small rushes, though. It was so brief and strange that they often forgot about it. Neither of them had told anyone about these sensations and mostly they just brushed it off – as soon as the moment had passed it seemed insignificant, and sometimes they even wondered if it was all something they imagined.

That was until the August where Blaine was 13. It was his first day of school after the summer break and thereby his last year before high school. As always he found himself with Danny, his best friend since kindergarten. They were sitting in the schoolyard, talking about their expectations for the new year and how they were excited to move on to their teenage lives.

Suddenly everything turned around. Blaine didn't know what was going on, but without warning he started freezing and his face and back was hurting terribly. Quickly a feeling of humiliation and anger started spreading and his mind went hazy. This was not his own experience, this was definitely something else.

He tried to shrug it off by telling Danny he had just had a brainfreeze from his icelollie, but he couldn't blame his friend for looking at him weirdly. He through the rest of the day without too many problems, mostly a tinge of humiliation here and there on the side of a little fear every now and then.

When he came home he stuck to his bedroom and didn't come until dinner. These drop bys of emotions were starting to freak him out and he didn't know what to do about them, or even how to feel about them.

"Mom? Can I talk to you for a minute?" Blaine asked when his mom had told him goodnight and was about to leave his room. He didn't really know what he was going to say, but he had reached a point where he needed to get it off his chest.

"Of course, sweetie. Is everything alright?" She asked and came in so she close the door.

Blaine sat up in his bed and watched as his mom crossed the floor so she could come sit down on the dge of his bed. She was looking concerned, and he was honestly afraid that it would increase once he told her what was bothering him. Clearly she was going to find him utterly crazy.

"That's the thing... I don't know," he said, and now he wished that he hadn't opened the subject, because there was no real way to say this and still avoid the stretchers and straight-jacket – which, for the record, would never go with a bowtie.

"I know this is gonna sound... odd. But sometimes I get these feelings. Like – it's just they're not mine. I know it's strange, but I can't help it. Today I was just sitting talking to Danny and suddenly... suddenly I was scared and ashamed and... it hurt. Mom, my back and my face just hurt. And it was cold and -" Blaine blabbered out, his voice cracking.

He couldn't help hearing how insane he was sounding when the words left his mouth. He couldn't even imagine what his mom could be thinking about him.

To Blaine's astonishment his mom didn't run away screaming for help. She didn't cry or tell him that he was losing it. She tilted her head and smiled as she let a hand over his cheek.

"Honey, I really hoped that you would figure this out before I would have to tell you, because I though it better that way. But I understand why you need to know what's going on with you," she said softly.

She drew a heavy breath and crossed her legs over the edge of the bed. Blaine knew his mom, and he knew that what she was about to tell him would be big. Life-changing.

"It first happened when you were five. Do you remember that? When you were sad and scared without knowing why? When it was so bad that I needed to take you to the doctor -" she started. Her eyes were eager to continue, to get to the punch line of the story, but she waited – slow and softly to let him grasp her words little by little.

"Mhm, vaguely," Blaine said truthfully.

"I took you to the doctor and he confirmed what I have always known; that my son is special. I didn't believe it at first, but the doctor told me that... honey, you have a soulmate," she explained.

Now that was just stupid. Really anti-climatic. Everyone knew that soulmates were just the excuse young people used to convince their parents that their boyfriend or girlfriend weren't as bad as it seemed. No one actually believe in soulmates anymore.

"Mom, that's all just stories. Even if it actual was a real thing the phenomena died out a long time ago. It's just – I'm just being weird," Blaine sighed, surprised and disappointed at how his mom was handling something that was weighing so heavy for him.

"I know it's a lot to take in, sweetheart. Like I said; I didn't believe it at first either, but it's true. The mood changes, the strong bursts of emotion without knowing why, the feeling of something being missing. It's all a part of it. Somewhere out there, there is someone who feel the same way, someone who is a mirror for your soul – someone you belong to, belong with," she explained.

It was amazing that she was even able to contain herself, because her joy and excitement was filling up her entire face and her eyes, all of it ready to explode in front of him.

"You know that little mark you have on your chest? At solar plexus? That's not just a freckle – that's your _mark_. This person that you are somehow connected to will have a mark just like that. Only it will fit your mark perfectly. It will be a mirror of your mark," she smiled and Blaine noticed that her eyes were teary.

Blaine pondered at that for a moment. He had honestly never thought about the mark he had on his chest. To him it was just a birthmark, but he knew that it wasn't quite dark enough to be a birthmark, but it had turned darker over the years. Now that he thought about it he had come to his mom and asked her if there was something wrong with it when he was 12. In school they had talked about skin cancer and the teacher had told them that if they had birthmarks that changed they needed to get it checked out at their doctor's. So he had mentioned it to her, but she had only smiled and shaken her head just to tell him that there was nothing wrong and his mark was perfect as it was. Now it made sense. At least sort of made sense.

"I don't know, mom. It seems pretty – far stretched," he shrugged.

"It's alright. You have so much time to get used to it. But one day, one day you will be lucky enough to find this person and you will have a best friend for life. You are blessed, Blaine."

She leaned in to kiss his forehead before she put her glasses back on and stood up to leave his room. When she closed the door Blaine turned on his side and closed his eyes with the hope of getting some sleep. He didn't – on the contrary he kept turning his mom's words over and over again in his head.

There was no way he could actually have a soulmate. Soulmates were a myth, everyone knew that. It was something they heard about in relation to fairy tales and legends. He knew about the special marks soulmates were said to have at their solar plexus and the connection between their emotions and occasionally their physical feelings if those were related to strong emotions – but it was just something kids joked about in school, or something that was referred to in movies to highlight a romantic comedy.

But sure, he wouldn't deny that the thought of having a soulmate would be amazing had crossed his mind a time or two – but it wasn't like he had ever thought it would be reality. Because it was all just a fairy tale.


	2. Down Tour

After his mom's declaration Blaine didn't know what to believe anymore. He kind of felt like she had told him he was a wizard. However, he couldn't stop thinking about it. As much as he tried pushing it away as a fairy tale he kept catching himself imagining how that person would be if they were real.

He would sit in school daydreaming or lie in bed fantasizing about a Disney prince kind of person who would sweep him off his feet. Someone with gorgeous, thick hair and perfect skin, a voice that would melt his heart and would sound perfect for duets with his own voice. A soul, a heart, someone he would need with an ache and the boy would mirror his need.

But this was unrealistic.

Even if the story was true he would probably be connected to someone on the other side of the world. Or a super heterosexual jock who feel a need to deny their connection in front of others – if Blaine gathered enough courage to tell the world that he was gay. Or it would be a girl who would fall in love with him and he wouldn't be able to return her feelings.

Of course he didn't tell Danny what his mom had told him. Then he would definitely find him utterly insane. Instead he kept it to himself and settled for his notions of how he would wish that person could be. Hopefully one that would share his love for Broadway and his passion for changing the world.

Time went by and he only felt the freezing sensation and back pains once in a while, but the humiliation and loneliness had turned into a nearly constant feeling and he didn't know if the depression it brought along was his own, or it was more from this supposed connection of his.

August turned into September and it didn't change no matter what Blaine was doing or thinking about. It was a steady stream of a strong hopelessness, and it didn't allow him to truly feel his own achievements – for example when he got a top grades or when he received a standing applause for singing his arguments on the debate team.

Until one week at the end of September. A strong sense of pride rushed in over him one afternoon he was at the mall with his mom. Suddenly he was beaming and butterflies were fluttering around his belly. It was a relief to finally get out of the dark and have some light for himself. The feeling continued throughout the week and he could feel the positive effect it had on his own life in terms of his energy getting better, he was much better mentally prepared for classes and he killed an audition for a local theater production. It only increased Saturday evening where he was washed over by an overwhelming pride and happiness – he allowed himself to bathe in the feeling and let it color his night with his mom and brother.

However, it was mostly pronounced by the end of the night when he was on his way to bed after a long, lovely afternoon where not even Cooper could steal his thunder. He had been through his moisturizing routine and put on his pajamas before he went downstairs to say goodnight to his mom as always.

When he walked into the living room a sensation took over him. It started as a sort of intense anxiety, followed almost immediately by a wave of relief and happiness filling him. It was different than anything he had ever felt. It rolled through his veins and made his heart throb so hard he wondered if it could get bruised against his ribs. Unable to stop it tears of happiness started streaming down his face and with a bright smile he threw his arms around his mom before she had a chance to prepare for it.

"What's up, honey? Are you okay?" She asked and squeezed him.

"I'm more than okay, mom. I'm good. I'm really, really happy," he assured her truthfully and tightened his grip before he smiled at her and said goodnight.

**xXx**

Kurt hadn't paid much attention to the feelings. He had been caught up in school and glee club, not to mention working for his dad and keeping his personal exercising program, and of course working on his outfits.

It was in the middle of October and stuff at school was chaos, but he pulled through. That was what Kurt did. Always.

One evening he had been doing an extended facial cleansing while watching E! Channel when he suddenly felt a surge of... nerves. He was nervous, but had no idea what for. It only continued for ten more minutes until it was replaced by a weird mix of relief and frustration.

He went to the bathroom to wash the green off his face and as he looked himself in the mirror to dry after what he saw was scaring him: his forehead was creased and his eyes were glassy. It was like he had been punched in the chest – and it had come out of nowhere.

He hated this. He hadn't told his dad about it. His dad definitely had enough to worry about without having to deal with Kurt's make-believe-feelings as well. He hadn't told anyone else either. No one would understand anyway, and would probably send him to see Miss Pillsbury – the slightly off-course guidance councilor of the school who would surely give him a pamphlet saying "_So you are schizophrenic!_" before a speech about it being normal to feel conflicted about your identity as a teenager. But Kurt knew who he was – only problem was that he didn't know where those strange emotions came from.

**xXx**

The next time Kurt got hit the strongest it was November. He had been experiencing a bit insecurity and nerves, sometimes humiliation, but sometimes there was also comfort and relief. It was only a little more than a week ago he had felt a lot of nerves and a strong rush of relief followed by happiness and then more nerves. Whatever was going on with him was scary and a bit uncomfortable.

It was Saturday night and he was going over his harmonies for his first solo in the glee club: one of his favorites songs, one that could change his role in the glee club since it was the one that should convince them all that he could sing songs meant for girls just as well as Rachel.

His mood had been a little swinging because even though he had found a sort of refuge in glee club he was still lonely and harassed on a daily basis – not to mention that Finn, the boy Kurt was achingly fond of who was the poster boy for popularity at WMHS was still stereotypical straight as ever and constantly caught in love triangles between Quinn and Rachel.

Right as Kurt checked the clock to find that it was 11 he figured he could just as well go to bed. However, he didn't get to that part. Instead he suddenly fell to the floor, his knees bucking under him with pain in his back and fear filling his body. From there on all he could do was be curled up on the floor in terror with tears on his face and sobbing echoing from his lungs.

There was no reason for him to feel that way. He was alone in his room and he had been singing and dancing only moments ago. It had come out of nowhere and he was paralyzed in the jar of his emotions.

"Kurt, what's going? What happened?" His dad was suddenly on his knees by his side, scooping his baby boy into his arms.

"I don't know. Dad, it just hurt. I'm so scared. Dad..." Kurt sobbed into his father's shoulder, clinging to him for dear life. His dad was equally as confused and terrified as Kurt himself and stayed on the floor with his arms around Kurt, letting him get it all out and cooing soothing sounds as he comforted him.

His entire body was screaming in pain. He cried hysterically until he was boneless and drained of energy. His dad helped him to bed and sat by his side until he fell asleep. The next few days he was more depressed than he could remember ever having been. He lost his appetite and didn't even do much about his appearance. He was scared, depressed and despair was filling every cell of his body.

**xXx**

Blaine was let out of the hospital mid-December. Danny wasn't as hurt as he was, so he had been let out after a few days, but had faithfully visited Blaine every day.

The guys who had beat them up got a warning from the school. Blaine's parents and Danny's parents had ran in and out of meetings with the principal and the school board, but little did it help. In the end Danny's father accepted a job he had been offered in Seattle so they had moved at the beginning of December. Now Blaine was more alone than ever.

His parents took him out of the school and he was glad – he couldn't go back to that place. He was constantly haunted by the faces of the guys who had been standing over him, kicking him and laughing while he was lying on the wet pavement, crying and trying to shield himself, but still doing his best to keep an eye on Danny who was just as helpless as he was. And of course there was the people who had been standing around and just watched, people he was in classes with, people he thought were his friends – no one had done a thing, some had even joined in with mocking homophobic yelling.

So he was coiled up at home, depressed and scared of the world. He could feel that his own despair was accompanied by despair in the form of the well-known feeling that wasn't his own. So he went back to fantasizing about this someone who supposedly should be his other half.

He wondered if this person could feel him the same way, and how they were experiencing what was happening to him right now. He wondered if they knew about him or was just as confused about these feelings as he was, and if they did know about him did they feel sorry for him right now? If this person was real, he had never wished to be with them as much as he did now – they would have to be the only person to make him feel safe again.

A few days after he came home from the hospital his mom told him that they had found him a new school. He would be starting straight after Christmas and they would make sure to help him catch up on what he had missed while being out of school.

It was a fancy school with a zero-bully-tolerance policy, school uniforms, teachers addressed as professors and a lacrosse team. It was a two hour drive from his house, but Blaine was willing to do that. If he could be safe. That was the only thing he needed.

He hadn't been there himself but his mom had come home from her meeting with the principal she had been excited and showed him pictures on their website. She had cried and told him that she would never let anyone hurt him again. Yeah, Blaine had been crying a lot himself over the past few weeks.

But maybe this could be the place he would find out if this story of soulmates were true. Maybe this new school would be where he would meet his other half.


End file.
